#like i know turning towards a loved one after conflict instead of giving them the cold shoulder is a sign of emotional maturity

[dreamlogic]

quietly getting more & more annoyed at my housemate & her bf as the evening goes on. thought they were at his house this weekend but they showed up unexpectedly to have loud sex here, left for a little bit, came back in the middle of a fight, and are now watching tv really loudly in between continuing to totally-not-fight-everything's-FINE.

[tarotbiscuits]

𝔭𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔞 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔡: 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔣𝔰

(this is for my female audience interested in men)

˜”°•.˜”°• Who are they?

What do they have to say to you?

What are their intentions towards you? •°”˜.•°”

We'll see what their energy (and the cards) say

Try to meditate on the piles beforehand and choose the one which calls you the most. If you don't feel drawn to any of them, close your eyes, take a deep breath and open your eyes. The pile you notice first is your pile!! If you feel drawn to two piles, i'd suggest choosing the one you're most drawn to, as the messages tend to be similar in nature.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 1 𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 2

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 3 𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 4

PILE 1

Signs this might be for you:

444 is significant to you

you have a flowy red dress that you love wearing and it looks great on you (i see you turning around happily in that dress)

Who is your fs?

the hermit, temperance, page of cups rx, page of wands rx, five of swords, king of cups

Greetings, pile 1! For starters, i see that your fs is someone that you’ve already been in a romantic connection with. Your fs is someone who is more introverted or a loner at heart. He usually takes a lot of time for himself to balance his emotions out in his day-to-day life. He can be rather emotionally immature at times, not admitting his feelings for his love interests due to poor communication skills. I feel like he’s not the type to take risks. He wishes to be like everyone else, instead of standing out from the crowd. Your fs is a guy who doesn’t engage in conflicts much. Whenever he gets into conflict with someone, he tends to leave the situation to meditate upon it instead of lashing out. What I see coming for him is the fact that soon enough, he’ll be in his king of cups energy, because he took the time to get to know himself and seek answers to his problems. He’ll become an emotionally mature man, who can be honest about his feelings and support you emotionally when you need him.

His message for you

tower rx, four of cups, justice rx

“I’m sorry (i felt a lump in my throat right after that). Justice wasn’t done in our connection and it’s all my fault. I did you wrong big time and I don’t expect you to even forgive me, let alone take me back. I was a fool in the past when I denied your offer. I pursued other options over you (i don’t feel like this is a third party situation, just casual dating). Now I realized that having a lot of options won’t bring me emotional fulfillment and happiness if they’re not you. Our break-up was a traumatic experience for me and I did everything I could to numb my feelings and forget about you.”

His intentions towards you

death rx, ten of swords rx

Dear pile 1, I’m sorry to break it to you, but for now, your fs wants to heal from the connection. He feels like there are some demons from your past connection that still follow him and he wants to stop them from inflicting more pain on him. He wants to let go of the past and move on with his life. Considering he’s going to be your fs, the story isn’t probably over yet, i think?. Knight of cups rx is at the bottom of the deck, he feels like he can’t make a love offer rn. Under this there’s the queen of cups, omg he sees you as his soulmate. He deff still loves you, but is too heartbroken over the past. Give him time, pile 1. It’s just not the right time for the two of you to be together now.

Extra:

likes reading a lot

also likes ducks (and other feathered animals)

zodiac placements: virgo sun, water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces) in big 6

PILE 2

Signs this might be for you:

33 is relevant to you

you have sneezed recently or you sneeze a lot

Who is your fs?

three of pentacles rx, three of wands, king of swords rx, seven of wands, ace of wands horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards), eight of swords, the world (bottom of the deck)

Hello pile 2, hope you’re having a great day! Your fs is someone who’s independent – he prefers to work alone than in groups or in collaboration with another person. He’s likely an adventurous type who travels a lot for work, but also in his free time. When he travels for fun, he likes to explore the natural wonders of our planet: hiking in the woods, tasting the freshness of the water streams around him. On the downside, he can be rather arrogant with his words, feeling like he’s above others intellectually or that people aren’t as honest and truthful like him. He can get a lot of backlash because of this, which makes him feel like he needs to defend for himself most of the time. I see that your fs wants to pursue a new creative endeavor, likely stemming from one of his passions, but he’s afraid. He is advised to take a leap of faith and do it anyway. He won’t know what’s in store for him unless he tries.

You two will probably be in a long distance relationship for a while. He’ll deff open you up to new experiences, getting you out of your comfort zone. Since he’s well travelled, count on him when you two are booking a holiday destination – he tends to know the coolest spots for taking pictures :)

His message for you

sun horizontal, page of pentacles horizontal, three of swords rx, king of cups, four of cups, five of pentacles rx

“Hey baby, it’s okay. The sun isn’t shining today, but that doesn’t mean it won’t shine tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. I know you’re afraid to take a new beginning, you’ve been hurt so bad by love and all I want to do is take away your pain. I promise you, I’ll take away your pain one day, okay? Just don’t close yourself off to new possibilities, heck even in love. Don’t wait for me. Live your life, explore other options. See what you like and what you don’t. Just remember, you’re never alone. There are people who will love you for who you truly are, your family loves you (i sense that you might have had a difficult upbringing, a dysfunctional family, especially an absent mother, but your fs doesn’t know that yet). I will. You’re never alone, remember that.”

His intentions towards you

the high priestess rx, wheel of fortune rx, the star, nine of pentacles

Pile 2, your fs is closing himself off from your connection in the higher realm for now. Like pile 1, he feels like now is not the right time for you two to be together – your connection is divinely guided by the Universe and his higher self is guiding him towards some hardships in his personal life to learn valuable lessons, which are needed for your connection. He’s hopeful that you exist and he knows that you will be reunited at some point, but for now, he’s happily single and he wants to focus on maintaining his independence.

Extra:

rice is very significant (either his origins are from Asia or he strongly loves/hates rice)

zodiac placements: strong sagittarius, especially sagittarius sun/venus, gemini sun (it might be aspected with pluto, i see mostly conjuncting pluto or squaring/opposing pluto), gemini mercury, leo in big 6 (mostly ascendant and mars)

PILE 3

Signs this might be for you:

you have blue eyes (sorry guys, i can’t get any more signs for this one; he’s also telling me that you’ve eaten something specific recently but i can’t see what; i'm hearing mozarella sticks? lmk if it resonates, i'm not sure on this one)

Who is your fs?

five of pentacles rx, the tower rx, the emperor rx, temperance, page of cups rx, eight of wands, the star (bottom of the deck)

Woahh, pile 3. When i was shuffling the cards for this question, a lot of them fell down. Your fs has a lot to tell you about himself!! I think he has been often told to shut up by others. That’s what made him keep to himself a lot, but with you, he wants to tell you everything. Hahaha, now he's got a much calmer energy. Pile 3, your fs is the type of person that has outbursts of anger and he lashes out everything, but after that he’s like a lamb lmao. I see that your fs has been through some deep, dark shit in his past, likely involving his parents. Either his parents divorced at some point and it affected him deeply or his father abandoned him at a very young age. This broke down his world at the time, but i see that he has healed from it. He wished he had a happy childhood, but he just wants peace now and he got it. I felt his energy for a moment where he kept saying “I just want the fights to be over already” and then he kept repeating “over” again and again in a very demanding tone. I’d say his unhappy childhood still haunts him at times (i got death rx on the bottom of the deck when i clarified the first 3 cards), but he does believe in true love. He’s someone who tends to keep his feelings in check and his life in moderation. He can act immature at times, but i feel like he does feel sorry for his actions and tries his best to become a better person.

His message for you

six of swords, nine of pentacles, the well rx (i'm using ethereal visions by matt hughes it's my only deck ;-;), knight of swords

“Be strong. You have walked away from so many storms, that you’ve become this beautiful butterfly on your own. And if you haven’t walked away from those toxic people – do it NOW. I’ve walked away from my parents and friends, was it easy? No, but I’m much better now. You gotta be who you truly are as a person, you’re so fricking valuable. You need to be upfront and direct with people. I’ll teach you if you can’t. Why have you blocked your creative juices? Was it because of pain? Don’t let past hurts hinder your light. You are this beautiful goddess that is above EVERYONE else (i can really feel this feminine energy coming from you). I’ll worship the ground you walk on. Just don’t let them win.”

Pile 3, i feel like some of you are healing from a break-up, but you are already almost fully healed. You’re glowing and your fs adores that.

His intentions towards you

six of cups rx, page of swords rx, king of wands rx, wheel of fortune horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards)

For some of you, i feel like you already know them. Your fs might have been a childhood friend, a neighbor or a classmate that you used to hang around with when you were kids, just doing fun stuff. I don’t think he was in your life for a long time, you probably lost contact for some reason. I also don’t think you two were romantically involved, but if you did, it was more of an innocent fling.

For others of you, this is someone completely new and the six of cups rx might just point out to his unhappy childhood. He’s been pondering on it lately and feels very sad, maybe even depressed.

Either way, I feel like he’s going to enter your life really soon, but it won’t be at the right time. He’s not someone that is guided by a higher force, his intuition is quite blocked and he tends to act on his impulsive feelings without thinking of the consequences too much.

If you already know him, he might tell you about some harsh truth. Either point out to something you do which isn’t right, so he’s gonna call you out on that or he’ll say something regarding the times when you hung out as kids, which didn’t sit right with him.

If you don’t know him, he’s probably going to show off to you in a very “look at me, I’m better than the other guys” kinda way.

Whether you already know him or you will in the near future, i do feel like he has romantic feelings for you and he feels like he has got a chance to be with you, but like i said, the universe is saying that right now is not the right time for your union. It’s very likely that he’s still in school/college and is very focused on it. He doesn’t know if he should choose to pursue you or his career rn. This last bunch of cards just flew so this has been heavily on his mind. I’d say don’t engage too much with him, this is only the beginning of your love story. It will solve itself out when the timing is right.

Extra:

bichons/havanese dogs might be significant to your or them

zodiac placements: heavy aries and leo energy (i wouldn’t be surprised if most of his birth chart is filled with fire placements), libra sun or an afflicted sun (with lots of squares and oppositions)  

PILE 4

Signs this might be for you:

you had a very hard time picking a pile (yeah, i literally didn’t know if i should make this pile or not)

your fav color is purple

Who is your fs?

three of swords horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards), the emperor horizontal, three of cups rx, nine of wands rx, knight of wands, six of wands

Pile 4!!! Spirit was telling me to do this reading asap because it’s urgent (and then i got a call lmao). Your fs is likely a very busy guy, getting calls all the time. Damn, I just saw him in a suit. He’s someone influential in his career for sure, probably works in business. Even the cards hardly came out, like he didn’t want to talk because he’s too busy atm. I see that for your fs, career is everything. He is used to declining invitations to social events and parties because he would rather spend his time and attention on making money. He’s very VERY successful in what he does, i see massive recognition here, because he seizes every opportunity to advance in his career and he goes for them!! Sadly, he wasn’t always like this. At times he felt like the competition was too much and that he won’t succed, but in the end he gave his all, despite his feelings. He is advised not to become too bossy with the people around him, even though i feel like he isn’t like that anyway. I also believe that his overfixation on his career comes from a past break-up that he hasn’t processed fully. He is advised to process it and move on, instead of trying to simply forget it by doing something else.

His message for you

The chariot rx, queen of cups, page of pentacles clarified by two of swords, eight of cups clarified by seven of cups, five of pentacles rx clarified by the hermit, five of swords rx clarified by the king of wands

This is more about his ex and what happened to him, I feel like he really needs to vent so be gentle with him pile 4

“I wasn’t ready for her. I wasn’t ready for our relationship, but my feelings for her were so much, I just couldn’t hold them inside of me anymore. At that time I believed this was a new beginning for us, one that we would both (and i emphasize both) build for, something which would have lasted for a long time (i’m hearing everlasting). I felt like something was off from the beginning, but I thought it was only my imagination playing tricks. I wanted to take it slow because I wasn’t sure…oh boy, was I wrong. I had to leave when I found out that she was cheating on me this whole time. I poured my heart to her and she cheated…I don’t want to remember what happened after. It took me a long time to get over it, get over her (i’m hearing sleepless nights). I felt so alone and abandoned, I didn’t want to talk with anyone, I drank myself to sleep. But this experience made me into who I am today. I know I’m strong. I weathered storms no one would have imagined and I came out victorious. But I’m never leaving my heart to anyone else.

I don’t know if you exist…I’m feeling strong now, but what if it’s just a façade? Do you even exist? (death is on the bottom of the deck , under the death card is the queen of wands rx, he really doesn’t feel like you exist). I feel like the world is filled with harsh people, people that only want to benefit from others and I’m not letting others exploit me anymore.”

Pile 4, i honestly feel like he has so much love to give to others, even to you, but i’m not sure if he sees that. He will make a great partner, i can feel this already. Please show him that you will be there for him and that your feelings are genuine. He needs it.

His intentions towards you

four of pentacles, page of wands, ace of cups, seven of swords

Well, he’s deff focusing on his finances rn for sure. I see that there will be a passionate, new beginning in your connection. I don’t think you two have met, i feel like this is a fresh energy. I heard that you will have to make the first step tho. He will open up to you quite fast after that, but he will also feel a bit wary in the beginning. He doesn’t want the past to repeat itself. I see him trying to peek into your phone when you’re texting someone, just to make sure you’re not cheating on him or anything. He does have the tendency to become paranoid, which can get out of hand if not addressed. My advice to you is to have open communication at all cost. I see a lot of love between the two of you. Don’t let it go to waste.

Extra:

zodiac placements: capricorn in big 3, sun/ascendant conjunct saturn, strong sagittarius and leo in big 6, mars in aries or sagittarius, scorpio energy in big 6 or pluto is significant

[nanowrimo]

4 Alternatives to Popular Writing Advice

Some writing advice get passed off as something every writer has to do. The truth is, these tips might not work for everybody! NaNo participant Nicole Wilbur offers some alternatives to popular writing advice that may be a better fit for your writing needs.

While there are no definitive writing “rules”, there’s certainly writing advice so common it feels like it’s become canon. Most popular writing advice is generally good – but what if it doesn’t light up your brain? What if a particular tip doesn’t resonate with you?

 If this popular advice isn’t working - try these alternatives! 

Common advice: Make your character want something.  Alternative: Ask what your character is most afraid of.

Your character usually wants something – the MC’s goal driving the story is a common plot, after all. That something needs to be concrete, meaning the audience will know definitively when they’ve achieved their goal. 

(Is “found independence” concrete? No. Signed the lease on their first apartment? Yes.)

But if you aren’t sure yet, or what they want doesn’t feel motivating enough to support your inciting incident, start with a different question: what is your character afraid of? 

Katniss wants to survive, with her family, yes. But she’s terrified of helplessly watching them die. 

Common advice: Identify your story’s theme and stick it on a post- it above your computer.  Alternative: Use the character’s arc to create a main idea statement, and craft several related questions your story explores. 

English class really made ‘theme’ feel heavy-handed. In my grade nine English class, we listed the themes of To Kill a Mockingbird as: coming of age, racism, justice, and good vs. evil. 

While these are the topics explored in the book, I’ve never found this advice helpful in writing.  Instead, I like to use the controlling idea concept (as in Robert McKee’s Story) and exploratory questions (as in John Truby’s Anatomy of Genres).

A controlling idea is a statement about what the author views as the “proper” way to live, and it’s often cause-and-effect. The exploratory question is – well, a question you want to explore. 

In It’s a Wonderful Life, the controlling idea is something to the effect of “Life is meaningful because of our relationships” or “our lives feel meaningful when we value our family and community over money.” The question: How can a single person influence the future of an entire community?

Common advice: List out your character’s traits, perhaps with a character profile. Alternative: Focus on 2-3 broad brushstrokes that define the character.

When I first started writing, I would list out everything I wanted my character to be: smart, daring, sneaky, kind, greedy, etc. I created a long list of traits. Then I started writing the book. When I went back to look at the traits, I realized the character wasn’t really exhibiting any of these.

Instead of a long list of traits to describe your character, try identifying three. Think of these like three brush strokes on a page, giving the scaffolding of your character. Ideally, the combination of traits should be unexpected: maybe the character is rule-following, people-pleasing, and ambitious. Maybe the character is brash, strategic, and dutiful. 

Then – and this is the fun part – consider how the traits come into conflict, and what their limits are. What happens when our ambitious rule-follower must break the law to get what she wants? Sure, a character might be kind, but what will make her bite someone’s head off?

Common advice: Create a killer plot twist. Alternative: Create an information plot. 

Readers love an unexpected plot twist: whether a main character is killed or an ally turns out to be the bad guy, they’re thrilling. But plotting towards one singular twist can be difficult. 

Instead of using the term plot twist, I like thinking in terms of Brandon Sanderson’s “information” plot archetype. 

An information plot is basically a question the reader is actively trying to work out. It could be like Sarah Dessen's Just Listen where we wonder "what happened between Annabel and her ex-best friend?", "why is Annabel's sister acting strangely?" and "who is Owen, really?" Those all have to do with backstory, but information plots can be about pretty much any hidden information. Another popular question is "who is the bad guy?" - or in other words, "who is after the characters?" The Charlie's Angel franchise, for example, tends to keep viewers guessing at who the true antagonist is until the last few scenes.

Nicole Wilbur is an aspiring YA author, writing sapphic action-adventure stories that cure wanderlust. As a digital nomad, she has no house and no car, but has racked up a ridiculous number of frequent flier miles. She chronicles her writing and travelling journey on her YouTube channel and Chasing Chapters substack.

Photo by George Milton

[hanniedream]

hi 🩷 i saw your requests were open

wonwoo + "are you mad at me?"

I'm just very curious how you think he'll handle conflict or a so that struggles expressing themselves 😊 ofc do with it what you will! And if u don't feel like it, that is totally okay! Thank u for reading 🩷 i hope you're having a lovely day or night!

hi hi! thank you so much for requesting this, i hope it's close to what you had in mind and i'm sorry it got wayyyy longer than i intended for it to be. i hope you'll enjoy it and that you're also having a wonderful day or night as well! 🥰🩷

something was wrong, but wonwoo doesn't know exactly what. all he knows is you haven't spoken to him in a full week so he must have done something wrong to upset you terribly.

in the back of his mind, wonwoo feels like he should make the first move and contact you to ask you what he did instead of waiting for you to come to him but he feels like maybe you needed some space or time away from him for whatever reason it may be. so he decided to wait.

by the 10th day of you not speaking to him, wonwoo thinks he's waited long enough. after leaving work he stopped by a flower shop to pick up a bouquet of white tulips, according to google they're supposed to represent his apology, he also stopped by the restaurant you love to get you your favourite food and some desserts.

you exit the elevator to find wonwoo standing outside your apartment unit.

"what are you doing here?" you ask, unlocking your front door without looking at him.

he moves out of your way quickly, "are you mad at me?"

you don't miss the insecurity laced in his voice as he stumbles over his words.

"i don't know, wonwoo." you push the door open but don't step in, turning around to face him instead, "is there anything i should be mad about?"

wonwoo flinches at the sound of his name, it sounds unfamiliar coming from you since he hasn't heard you calling him anything other than a nickname for a long time now.

his gaze drops to the floor between the two of you, suddenly too nervous to meet your eyes. "i'm not sure but if i did something to upset you, i'm here to apologise for it." he lifts both arms slightly to show you the bouquet and takeout.

you only give them a brief glance, "how are you supposed to apologise for something you don't even know about?"

he takes a step towards you hesitantly, trying to gauge your reaction and is relieved when you don't move away. "so let me know what i did wrong so we can fix this," he looks up at you timidly. "please?"

now it's your turn to avert his gaze because you don't know if he even really did anything wrong or if you were just being sensitive. "actually, thinking about it now it feels like such a stupid thing to be upset over," you respond in a soft, unsure voice.

wonwoo places the bouquet on top of the shoe cabinet to grab one of your hands. "it's not stupid if it's something that upset you," he gives your fingers a light squeeze and that small action along with his gentle voice give you so much reassurance.

"remember that day when i suggested we go out on a date and you said you didn't feel like it and just wanted to stay home because you were tired?" you sneak a quick peek at him before letting your eyes fall to his feet again.

he nods silently.

"i know it's not that big of a deal but i don't know..." your voice trails off, "i guess it felt like you were brushing me off and it kind of hurt my feelings a little and made me feel unimportant. especially because it's also been a while since we've been out on a proper date and you rejected me almost immediately after i asked you."

you shift your weight from one foot to the other and wonwoo knows you're nervous. like him, you have never been one to express your feelings that well — at least not verbally.

"and then you didn't contact me at all after that so i thought you stopped caring about me altogether," you add then let out a chuckle at how ridiculous that sounds once you actually hear it. "that sounds pretty silly doesn't it?"

wonwoo shakes his head, "it's not silly at all. it's partly my fault too because i thought you wanted some space away from me for whatever reason so i chose not to reach out to you as well." he closes the distance between you a little more, "i should have made the first move the moment I felt that something was wrong."

you don't say anything mostly because you don't know what to say so wonwoo continues, "thank you for telling me this." he gives you a warm smile. "i will be more careful in future so i don't hurt your feelings again."

"thank you, nonu." you look at him properly this time and you catch the smile that flickers across his face at the affectionate nickname. "i hope you know that you can also come to me if i ever do or say anything that hurts you as well."

he lets go off your hand to pick up the bouquet and hands it to you, "please accept this as my formal apology."

wonwoo finally feels at ease when he sees the smile on your lips reaching your eyes as you take the bouquet from him.

"these are really beautiful, thank you." you eye the flowers as if they're the most amazing thing you've ever seen and wonwoo realises how long it's been since he last got you flowers and makes a mental note to himself to get them for you more often just so he can see your face light up like this.

he signals to the takeout in his hand, "we should get to these before they get cold."

your eyes widen when you recognise the logo on the bag and you quickly kick off your shoes to replace them with your house slippers as you step into your apartment with wonwoo following closely behind you.

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER ONE (BAHRAIN)

genre: fluff, angst, etc.

warnings: hmmm nothing i think

word count: 5.3k

author's note: aaaa first chapter !! i don't rlly like it but still !!!! a very much opener/get-to-know-the-characters/intro chapter, so maybe boring at times idk. still so excited, thanks to everyone who's contributed. love u all <333

author's note pt2: when i write about the different drivers and their living situations, i know it's not all accurate to how they actually live irl. ik i wrote modena instead of maranello here for ollie although idk exactly when he moved, but there are mentions of milton keynes for the rbj drivers bcs it made it easier for me. anyways, just go with whatever i say about how they live lol. also !!!! i changed yn's team from mp to campos hehe. okay now let's start :)

series masterlist

the winter break coming to an end is always a bittersweet feeling.

having a lot of free time to catch up with friends and family is always greatly appreciated, but at the same time, it doesn't take many days before you miss racing after the last race of the season. especially when the season is as short as the f3 season is, and especially when you don't partake in any of the winter-season races.

this year, though, coming back to the paddock doesn't feel as complicated as it most often does. your heart is light and your smile is big as you enter through the gates after the long taxi ride from your hotel, and you already can't wait to get started.

as you make your way toward the campos truck, you greet a few people you meet here and there, but it's the sight of a head full of dark, curly hair that makes you stop in your tracks. "jak!"

the american turns around when he hears your voice, grin taking over his face already. you strut all the way over to him, practically throwing yourself into his arms. "hey there," he chuckles, giving you a big hug.

"oh, i've missed you so much!" you exclaim, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away. "it feels like i haven't seen you in ages."

"right? the break was way too long."

juan pokes his head through the door to the truck when he hears your voices, making some kind of comment about all of these loud teenagers always causing a commotion, before coming down to greet you with a hug as well. "how was your break?" he asks.

"wonderful, really. i spent most of it at home, catching up with family and friends. then me and ollie-" your eyes widen at your own words. you clear your throat, looking away from both of the boys for a second. "well, i went to italy."

your relationship with ollie isn't exactly a secret around the paddock, but it's a bit of an unspoken rule not to mention it too much. both because you all want to separate your personal lives from your racing ones – you don't wish to crash into a close friend like jak any more than you'd like to crash into ollie, after all – and because a certain other driver might be around to hear.

someone who's quite the conflict of interest in this specific topic.

your break truly was wonderful. it felt like the only things on your schedule were skiing in the italian mountains, gym-and sim-training, and just relaxing at home in england to recharge for the next season. you had spent a lot of it with ollie, getting to know both him and his family better. it hadn't taken you long before you were best friends with his little sister, sharing little inside jokes and spending time cheering her on at the stable. and you'd even grown surprisingly close with ollie's younger brother, and you loved seeing the three siblings interact.

they all made you feel truly at home with them, like an extended family. you couldn't have asked for anything more.

ollie was well-known in your family even before the break, especially considering how he was one of the first drivers your father picked out for the academy. and during the break, he only further impressed them; he always helped out with household tasks, he did his best to create connections to every relative of yours that he met, and he even bought the sweetest little christmas presents for your parents and grandparents. however, just the mention of italy in your current conversation is enough to make the dams drivers understand. no other detail is necessary.

when you're done talking about your break, it's juan's turn, and then jak's. during the catchup, more and more people drop by to say hello, and it doesn't take long before there's a full-on gathering outside the dams truck. dennis, another one of your former academy members, and pepe, your new teammate and newly found platonic soulmate, both listen in as jak tells you all about how jetlagged he is after coming back from the states just two days ago. "have you gotten properly settled in with aston?" you ask with a smile.

"totally. it's been great, honestly. even the apartment they found for me is top-notch."

"oh? better than milton keynes?"

jak raises his eyebrows at you, and then he bursts out laughing. "duh." throughout the many years of living next-door from each other, there wasn't a single day when the two of you didn't complain about something the apartment complex. the smell, the noise, the trails of blood in the staircase; not exactly things you'll miss when you move out one day.

"i still can't really believe we're not neighbors anymore," you complain, jutting out your bottom lip as you speak. "i've been so close to knocking on your old door so many times, but now some other freak lives there-"

"hey!" pepe shoves your shoulder, and the whole group laughs. "you're much worse than i am!"

"i'm so glad i finally moved out of there," dennis chimes in. "if i had been neighbors with y/n and pepe at the same time… i don't think i would've gotten any sleep at all, man."

"i didn't get any sleep for four years when i lived there..." jak groans.

"is this your first time in a series together?" juan jumps in, looking between you and jak, but seems surprised when you both nod. "best friends but you've never raced each other? maybe this season is what forces you apart."

"yeah, what will you do if i crash into you when you're in the lead?" jak teases, pressing an elbow into your side.

"then i think a few compromising pictures of you might make their way to the aston martin headquarters..."

when it's like this, being on the same grid with all of these people is so easy. you're all friends, not opponents. all in the same boat with the same excitement and expectations for the season. unfortunately, you know it won't stay this uncomplicated for long. when you're actually out on track in a few weeks, forcing each other into the walls and swearing at each other over the team radios, there won't be any more happy faces.

but for now, you enjoy smiling with the people who are just as much your friends as they are your enemies. that is, until you spot someone else joining your little group.

paul.

suddenly, the smile feels much more forced; the air is thicker and harder to breathe in. and when he makes his way over to you, a lump forms in your throat.

a lump you understand probably won't disappear all season.

the second you're back in your hotel room, you reach for the little dark blue book you've hidden in your bedside drawer. the pen in your hand is one you've had for years, one you always bring with you to every race weekend. the ink has been refilled possibly hundreds of times, but the plastic body has remained the same ever since you bought it.

the journal itself is torn; it's been used and loved for many years, too. it's like an extra best friend, a second home. when you're writing in it, it's one of the few times you feel like you can actually be your true, authentic self – it's one of the few times when you're not afraid that someone will judge your emotions or thoughts.

today, you know what you want to write about instantly.

i saw paul for the first time since abu dhabi.

i haven't been able to stop thinking about him. no matter how hard, i couldn't get him out of my mind. i've been wondering what he looks like now, how his voice has changed, if his smile is still as bright. and suddenly, he was there and i saw him.

the answer? he's just as he always was. and i can't tell if that makes me feel alright or awful.

you're pulled out of your head by the sound of a knock on your door, and you instantly scramble to hide your journal in the drawer again. the second you pull the door open and ollie's gaze meets yours, it's like all of your previous thoughts disappear. it's just you and him again; no one else even exists.

especially not paul.

"are you ready to go?" ollie asks, hands finding your sides as he leans in to press a quick kiss to your cheek. "i found the address of some good pasta place, it's just a few blocks from here."

you nod, your hands landing on top of his and giving them a quick squeeze before pulling away. "i just need to put on some earrings," you start, backing into the room. "will you help me choose?"

"of course."

"carlos set a stunning lap today. did you see it?"

the question makes you roll your eyes, letting out a sigh as you bring out three plates from the cupboard above the stove. your dad has always been quick to comment on anything good regarding ferrari; to anyone living in the max verstappen era, even a sliver of a good result is enough to spark some hope, so you aren't exactly surprised. "yes, dad. of course i saw it."

"i reckon this will be our year," your dad continues as you walk past him cooking by the stove, carrying the plates to the dinner table. "carlos will make them regret getting lewis instead of him."

you can't help the chuckle that leaves your mouth. your mom gives you a knowing glare over her newspaper – don't start anything. you choose to ignore it. "you really think this is how it's going to look next week during the actual race?" you ask. "you don't think max is sandbagging the slightest?"

"i'm just telling you," your dad starts, giving his stew a good stir. the snarky tone in his voice is unmistakable. "don't come home crying to me when you realize red bull isn't going to cut it anymore. if you regret your choices, go somewhere else."

even like this, when you're back home for a few days to catch up with your family, neither of you can stay away from this bickering. your dad is always pestering you about sticking with the red bull junior team, and you never can back down from a fight. you're way too stubborn.

"are you saying that i wouldn't have a place in ferrari if i wanted to?" you set the plates down with a thud, the sound making your mother flinch in her seat by the table. "you would say no to your only daughter, huh?"

"i'm just saying that you'd need to prove yourself to get into the academy."

despite your harsh tones, most people around you think you're just joking around when you act like this; some family-mockery can never hurt, right? however, there's always a hint of seriousness behind it. it's been like this between the two of you forever, and especially ever since your dad became the head of the ferrari driver academy – the rivalry between you two is stronger than ever.

you've always been sure of your choice; you've always felt like the red bull family is perfect for you. but recently, you've started to wonder if staying with the team actually was the right thing for you. what really is your future in the team? it's not like you haven't got great drivers ahead of you, drivers who will be called in for a possible f1 seat before you.

and it's not like red bull has a stellar record of keeping all of their drivers. they only have four seats in formula one, after all.

your dad wants you in ferrari, that much is clear. you may have joined the red bull junior team because of his past with the team; he did win their first ever championship, after all. accepting was the only option when you got the offer to join. however... your dad really wants you in ferrari. there's just something about the brand, the colors and the history that obviously is intriguing for everyone. even lewis hamilton couldn't stay away, for god's sake.

you can't admit it, though. not here, not right now.

so instead, you choose to fight fire with fire. "bullshit," you mumble under your breath before speaking clearly again. "second in the championship last year wasn't proof enough?"

"stop this," your mom says, folding up her newspaper and placing it on the table. you roll your eyes yet again but look back at her when she speaks again. "new subject: how is our dear ollie doing?"

you visibly relax at the question, your heart softening in your chest. "he's good. he's back in modena now, so..."

if it had been your dad asking about ollie, you know it would've been because he's interested in how the academy is doing. but since your mom is the one asking, you know it's real concern and curiosity. "how did he find the new car? did he enjoy testing?"

"not really," you say, slipping into the seat opposite your mum as your dad places the pot of stew in front of you on the table. "though, you know, the prema cars are never that good in bahrain. but he assumes they'll bounce back."

there's something in your dad's tone when he speaks again that makes you stop in the middle of your reach for the ladle. "yeah, so i've heard..." it's almost sarcastic, maybe a bit... irritated?

you turn towards him, a frown on your face. "what?"

"william," your mom says with a shake of her head. she knows something. "let's not go there." but just as you're about to call them out on how strange they're acting, she speaks again: "what do your upcoming weeks look like? for how long will you be back in england?"

anyone with eyes – or even without, to be fair – can tell that they're hiding something. and while your curiosity is killing you, you're not in the mood for a full-fledged fight at this time. you take the high road, which isn't your most familiar way of handling things like this, and try your best to push away any wishes to question your parents. you answer, engage in polite conversations and chat about your upcoming season. then, you thank them for dinner and leave the house after giving them their respective kisses on their cheeks.

but all evening, your mind is on something else. and when you get back home to your apartment, your fingers itch to send ollie a text asking if he knows anything. but instead, you go to bed with a knot in your stomach. maybe it's a topic for another day.

being back in the car for testing was great, but it was nothing compared to being back on the track for an actual race weekend. the first round of the championship was something you'd looked forward to for what felt like years, and now it was finally time. you've never been more excited, or nervous, for any race weekend.

you weren't off to the best of starts, though. qualifying has always been one of your stronger suits, so coming 13th was not a result you had anticipated. thankfully, it meant you had time to practice overtaking and had a good chance of improving your place. having to start right behind pepe and paul in both races was an interesting coincidence, but you were obviously not going to let any of it affect your racing.

though p8 is not the best place to finish, you are actually quite pleased with having gained several positions in the sprint race and taking your first point of the year. the car was, as you knew it would be, very different from the f3 car, although you were surprisingly confident and managed it well despite the circumstances.

paul, too, handled it all very well – p12 to p5 is a great record. and when he sees the timing board and realizes that you also did well considering the circumstances, he's overjoyed. he's practically bouncing down the paddock when he finally gets out of his car, accepting the fans' cheers and the handshakes from his engineers with a big grin. and when he sees you further down the paddock, his mind is filled with memories of the two of you celebrating your good placements in all other categories.

just because you aren't a couple now doesn't mean you can't honor these results together, right?

but just a second later, he realizes that you're surrounded by the familiar red-clad staff members instead of your own campos staff, and you're standing right by that red prema car he knows so well. and, sure enough, soon the person he'd forgotten about steps up to you.

paul watches as you wrap your arms around ollie's shoulders, and his heart sinks in his chest. your boyfriend hides his face in your shoulder and your hand comes up to stroke the skin on the back of his neck. paul can tell how your lips are moving, and the pout you're showing off tells him enough about what's going on even though he can't actually hear what you're saying. you aren't prioritizing being happy about your own race – it's more important to comfort ollie.

to paul, there's something so unsettling about the sight. he's seen the two of you together many times before – besides, he gets tagged in pretty much every picture a fan takes of you with your boyfriend – but it isn't your proximity that he has issues with.

the thing that upsets him is the fact that there's a frown stretched across your features; one that doesn't leave even when you part from ollie, or when you're cheered on by your mechanics, or when you leave for your post-race interviews. a frown that any other time would be replaced with a big, proud smile because of your accomplishments.

the music blasting into your ears from your airpods cuts out the rest of the world, the usually so busy and loud paddock all gone the second you pressed the play button on your phone. it's been your favorite way of getting in the race mood for years; you're not superstitious in many other ways, but your playlist has stayed the same since your first season in f4. walking around the garage, doing your warmups, or even just sitting around and waiting to get in the car like you are right now, you listen to the exact same songs on repeat. it's one of the few things that makes you truly focus on the race ahead of you.

so when you feel two hands on your shoulders from behind, you jump in your seat. turning your head, you're relieved to see the big smile of pepe shining down at you. "did i scare you?" he asks loudly enough to cut through the music, and you barely have time to nod and take one airpod out before he speaks again. "good, that was my intention."

you slide your airpods into their case as pepe plops into the seat next to you, eyes zoning in on the f3 feature race on the screen in front of you. "i'm so upset," you huff, shaking your head. "did you see the start?"

"i heard," he answers just as dino's red car appears on the screen, and he crosses his arms over his chest. "but he's made up ten places already, right?"

"yeah..." you lean your head onto his shoulder with a sigh. "we should focus on the positives. like chris!"

"and like our upcoming race." you can practically hear his grin when he speaks. "i have a good feeling about it."

when you found out that jak was leaving the red bull junior academy last fall, you were heartbroken. he's been one of your closest friends ever since you first met; the two of you have always been joined by the hip, despite how you've never raced in the same series before, and you spent most of your free time either training together or just hanging out. how would you ever get over him leaving you all alone in the academy?

thankfully, pepe joined in the late summer. at first, you were just acquaintances, but something about his personality was too good not to fall for. it didn't take long for him to become one of your closest friends, too. another boy your age, another boy with crazy energy and amazing potential – he filled the void in your heart quite well.

as well as jak's old apartment.

you'd raced each other in f3 last season, though barely ever crossed paths or talked. but living next to each other, doing all of your sim work together, and now even being on the same team meant that your relationship went from zero to one hundred in just days.

this season is your first with campos, while he's been with the team for several years already, and so far he's been very good at helping you get used to everything off track. they took a big chance choosing two rookies for their lineup, and the two of you promised each other to do your best to make them satisfied with their choice. so far, you've gotten one third and eight place in your first-ever f2 race – and you're just getting started.

"i do, too," you hum. "let's go out there and show them today."

paul is beaming when you see him stroll back to the paddock after his media duties. his cap is perched on top of his head – the right cap, finally – and his fingers are still tightly wrapped around the neck of his champagne bottle. when he notices you leaning against the doorframe leading into the f2 hospitality, his smile grows even bigger.

you meet him halfway, arms wrapping around his shoulders easily, just like they have so many times before. one of his arms drapes around your waist and he holds you close, a hum vibrating from his chest. finally, he thinks to himself; this definitely makes up for all of the things he felt yesterday.

"congrats, paul," you tell him. "that was amazing. you were amazing."

"thank you," he says before pausing. then, he lets out a chuckle. "to be honest, i wasn't sure if you would care."

you frown at him when you pull slightly away from him, just enough to look into his eyes. is that what he really thought? that you wouldn't care about his driving? "oh, please. you still mean a lot to me, okay?" your hand moves down to his upper arm, giving it a soft squeeze. "i still consider you to be one of my closest friends."

friends. the word stings like a knife in his heart. it's been months since you broke up, and yet, it still feels like a raw wound.

paul forces a smile. he understands that despite how painful it is, there's something good in it. there's still a place for him in your heart, even if he's forced to share it with someone else.

he pulls you in again, and the hug is even tighter now than before. it's a comforting feeling; you're both at peace, with a good weekend behind you, in the arms of someone so close to you. after everything you've gone through together, but especially everything he has gone through these last few months with the mercedes academy and prema, you're finally through to the other side. "it all worked out in the end, huh?" you ask after a few moments of silence.

"i guess it did." you part from each other to leave that oh-so-familiar gap between you yet again. "will you be celebrating with us tonight? i think pepe had something planned. you know how he is."

you snort. "yeah, i do know. maybe i will." you shift uncomfortably, crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes dart to the ground. "but, um... i'll have to check with..."

you don't even say his name – you don't have to. ollie's entire weekend has been so far from everyone's expectations, and if you know him correctly, he will not be in the mood for celebrations tonight.

paul nods slowly, pressing his lips into a thin line. "right."

the silence that follows is so awkward you can't help but chew on your bottom lip, a tiny sigh escaping through your mouth. he must be hating this, you think – today is supposed to be only a good day for him, he shouldn't have his ex's new relationship pushed up in his face.

"well, i have a debrief to get to," you make up, flashing him a quick smile. "congrats again, paul."

"thank you." he gives you another nod, before turning away and making his way towards the paddock. "pepe will text you!"

and just like that, he's off, and your mind wanders to the thought of actually going out to celebrate. ollie will definitely not join you, though you're not sure why you don't want to go without him. is it because you'd rather stay and comfort him?

or is it because you're scared of what you'll do, or feel, when you're alone with paul for the first time since you broke up?

"p5 is still good, my dear." your mom's voice booms out from the speakers of your phone as you drop it onto the desk, and you can't help but let out a sigh, taking a step back.

"of course, but... i feel like i could've done more." it was both true and not; with paul's five-second penalty, you definitely could've gained at least one more position if only you had stayed within that gap. but then again, a fifth position and ten more points was a great result for a rookie.

"but you'll still be going out to celebrate with your friends, right?"

you ended up telling pepe you weren't in the mood to party, despite his persistent complaints, and decided to instead use the evening for relaxation and recovery. your entire body, especially your neck, has really suffered this weekend – you were already sore after the shakedown, but this is on another level – so a bubble bath and a good night's sleep in your hotel room seemed like a much better choice.

"no, i'm just going to rest a little..." you hum, flopping down on the chair by the desk. "maybe grab something to eat with ollie."

weirdly enough, you haven't been able to get in contact with him all evening. you were told that he hurried back to his hotel room right after the race, not in the mood to talk to anyone on the team at all, so you chose to give him some time alone to cool down before you'll eventually go over there. still, you thought he would've answered at least one of your many texts by now.

thinking about your boyfriend, you suddenly remember something. "hey, mum?" she lets out an affirmative sound. "you remember when i was home last time, and dad said something about ollie and the car? and he acted all weird?" you pause for a moment, but when she doesn't say anything, you keep going. "what was that all about?"

"well darling, we..." you take the sudden silence as a sign that she might not be sure how honest she wants to be right now, and it makes you frown instinctively. she sighs. "we're just a little worried about him, that's all."

your confusion only grows. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"we're worried he's feeling too pressured to impress us." you hear her take a deep breath. "of course, your father is his boss, so it is natural in that way. but we wish he would just see us as any regular parents. he's always talking about racing like there's nothing else in the world, and..."

"that's not fair." you shake your head despite the fact that she can't see it. "that isn't him. he isn't all racing and no fun."

"oh love, i'm sure he is loads of fun, but-"

"i really have to go," you cut her off, standing from your seat. "talk to you later."

you hang up before she can even answer, the guilt in your head from treating your mother like that already pushed away by the anger growing inside of you.

you always assumed your parents loved ollie. sure, you knew they adored having paul over when you were still a couple, too, but ollie is every mother-in-law's dream son. he's from your country, he's a pure sweetheart, he's even in the fda for god's sake. how could they not love him?

and so what if he tries to impress them? who wouldn't do the same?

when ollie opens his door for you, he looks like he's just woken up from a bad night's sleep. bed head, bags under his eyes, and just a general aura of tiredness. if you didn't know better, you'd think he was an insomniac. but thinking back to how badly his race went, the sight of him just makes your stomach churn.

your arms wrap around his neck in an instant, pulling him into your warm embrace. you feel the tension in his upper back release right away, and ollie's hands find your sides, giving you a light squeeze. you refrain the urge to pull away when he nuzzles his nose into your neck, standing strong against your usual ticklishness, and your heart softens slightly when he lets out a deep sigh into your skin.

"you okay?" you finally manage to get out, and his answer comes in the form of a nod against your shoulder. "is there anything i can do for you?"

he pulls away but stays so close that you feel his breath against your face; so close that you're both slightly cross-eyed when your gazes meet. "stay with me?"

your answer is expressed through the fleeting kiss you press to his lips, your way of saying of course. ollie doesn't waste any time pulling you into his hotel room, and you flop down onto the bed with him. he sits up and watches you lie down against the covers, your head nestling into the pillow. "tell me about your race," he says as he reaches down to take your hand, his fingers slipping in between yours. "eight positions gained, huh?"

of course he doesn't want to talk about his own race. but the fact that he's willing to think about racing at all, just to let you have a chance to talk about how well you did and boast a little; it all makes your heart flutter.

and you're sure, you're so sure that he is so much more than just a racing driver. he's not what your parents think he is. he's an incredible racer, sure, but he's also the sweetest man you've ever met. the perfect boyfriend.

even when he's feeling like this, he takes his time to still pay attention to you and ask questions. and then he listens, he really listens, because he wants to understand every inch of your mind just as well as he geeks out about every detail of apexes and tyre degradation. and then he says just the right things, the things to sweep you off your feet yet again.

he's so perfect that he's incredibly easy to love.

so why is there a knot in your stomach at the thought of the race – and more specifically, the person on the last step of the podium?

why does your mind keep running back to how he's celebrating, and what it would be like if you'd been there with him?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername double pookie podiums & good points in the bag! thanks camposracing for a great car ❤️ we go again in a week!

show all 81 comments

user top job this weekend!!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user i will stop hating on red bull if either of these get into f1

→ user red bull juniors >>> anyone else

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user what happened to ollie though 😭

→ user it's just the first round, calm your horses

→ user why always bring up ollie on her posts... is that all she is, ollie's gf? 😐

→ user forreeaaalll

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

redbulljuniorteam y/n and pepe making us proud 🥺

→ user pls admin you're making me cry

→ yourusername me too 😭

[hazbinhazbinhazbinreblog]

The other Overlords might have found a solution.

Vox wants to try it right away, but he's not the only guest in this universe.

“We need your Alastor,” Carmilla reminds him sternly.

Alastor still isn't back, and Vox has hit a snag in his work. Contrary to what he told the deer demon, Vox does need his expertise with radio waves and magic to finish it.

Vox sighs. He's been sifting through his memory banks all the way back to the 50s when he arrived in Hell. He can't stop thinking about what Alastor said to him the other day during his episode of anger. He's watched so many old memories of just him and Alastor. It hurts more than he expected it to. He's really tired. “Yeah, okay. Just give me a second.”

He closes his eyes and casts out radio waves. It's been a while since he's tried to find Alastor using just his—their frequency.

To the side, he senses how his other self and the Other Alastor watch him curiously. They can feel what he's doing.

He ignores it. His Alastor is more important.

He shuffles rapidly through the signals in the air and discards the ones that aren't Alastor's.

No.

Nope.

Not that one.

No.

Absolutely not.

There.

…

He's still mad.

Vox sighs again and opens his eyes. “Uh. I might be a while. He's still mad at me. I'll try to calm him down.”

He takes a step towards the corner and melts into the shadows the way Alastor taught him so many years ago, ignoring the exclamations of surprise and shock behind him as the darkness wraps around him like an old friend, much like how it did for Alastor.

In a way it is. It's one thing he and Alastor share, with Alastor introducing him to it once Vox recovered from his fall back then.

Vox feels conflicted knowing that Alastor still keeps the shadows open for him to use. That's a major amount of trust that he really shouldn't give Vox. But at the same time it makes him feel warm inside.

The shadows take him to the edge of the city, where he sees Alastor sitting on some rubble, facing away from him.

Vox approaches him silently and sits next to him.

Neither of them say anything.

In a funny way, silence is easier than talking for the two performers.

There's no tension in the air, just grief sadness.

"My biggest mistake is falling in love with you," Alastor says suddenly, breaking the silence. "I had gone on for so long without opening myself up to anyone even before I ended up in Hell. And then you came along."

Vox feels guilty at that admission. "Al, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you…"

Alastor chuckles and shakes his head. "You didn't let me finish. My mistake is loving you. Even if I walked away my heart wouldn't let me get far. But I can't bring myself to regret it. Even after all this time I still love you."

Alastor turns to face him fully, and Vox freezes.

Alastor is crying.

He's not smiling, he's holding back his grief, and Vox feels a sharper stab of guilt.

"Oh, Alastor…" Vox wraps his arms around the other sinner. "Al, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I hate you," Alastor sobs, "I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you! I hate that I still love you…"

Vox says nothing. Instead he hugs his Alastor tighter. He'll stay like this for as long as Alastor needs him to. It's not the same as before, but it's a hopeful start.

"His- their frequency" screaming crying throwing up I'm on the fucking floor and the leaving the shadows open for him I'm so.

Perfect and devastating as usual so bittersweet at the end but I love it

Someone made fanart for this!

[nogoodsheepstealing-greatgrandma]

Team Green: Sorry your faves are boring 😊🤷‍♂️ Sure you're supposed to root for the Blacks but the Greens are just more fun. Jace is boring I'm here for my angsty disaster mess 💚

You realise that's bad writing, right? This is a family civil war drama. One side of that family civil war shouldn't be populated with blank slates. If no effort is made into making Rhaenyra and Daemon's children as fleshed out as Alicent's children then that is bad writing.

Some people find the Lannisters more fun than the Starks, but the Starks are still fleshed out characters (and considering in the books Jace is 14/15, Luke is 13, Joffrey, Baela & Rhaena are 12, Aegon the younger is 9 and Viserys is 7 - these kids ages almost map straight onto the Starklings so they were so meant to be our Targlings). It didn't have to be a zero sum "you can only have ONE side that's interesting". The show is poorer for it. Game of Thrones was a disaster in many ways, but at least the different sides of the conflict had equal screen time and attention.

How hard would it have been to flesh out Jace, or at least give him a half-decent haircut? He could have been a mirror to Jon Snow (they technically have the same initials). One is a bastard who does not know he's a targaryen prince, the other is a targaryen prince who discovers he is a bastard. In a world that hates bastards, that insists they are 'wanton and treacherous by nature', there was plenty of potential to explore some complicated emotions, to give weight to how he feels about being a bastard. The whispers that would have followed him, the scrutiny he would have felt, the internalised guilt and shame, his protectiveness over his little brothers and wish to spare them the truth. Maybe after Alicent confronted Aegon over the pig there could have been a shift where Aegon turns his bullying away from Aemond and towards Jace (more in keeping with book canon). Maybe Jace could feel anxious about lessons with Criston Cole due to his open hatred of him. Maybe he could be equal parts devoted to and resentful of his mother over his parentage, maybe he could be driven to perfectionism to prove himself worthy.

The show made Jace more violent in the fight with Aemond than in the book, by changing who started the fight (from Aemond to Rhaena and co.), by narrowing the age gap to make Jace more of a match for Aemond, and by having him draw a knife instead of a wooden toy sword. But they didn't earn that moment. How much more satisfying would it have been if both Aemond and Jace were given equal emotional weight in the build-up to the fight? If the hurt and anxiety at discovering he was a bastard had been building and building until it burst out. The entire reason the show changed the age dynamic between Rhaenyra and Alicent to make them peers and best friends was supposedly to make their conflict more dramatic - why would you then drop that approach with their kids? How does it make the civil war story better if one half of the next generation of characters aren't really characters?

They didn't even have to put much effort into Baela, as GRRM already had her brimming with personality on the page, but they just... ignored that and made her a non-entity. Oh she gets one punch in, and there's a blink and you'll miss it background shot of her trying to hit Aegon (at this point I don't think the actors were even directed to do that I think they just took it upon themselves). Meanwhile Baela in the books is wild and fearless and deliberately provocative and quick to anger and fiercely defensive of her loved ones and wrestles squires in the training yard and has a pet monkey and sneaks out in search of adventure and brings home 'unsuitable' friends. Including a legless beggar, a blacksmith's apprentice whose muscles she admired, a street conjurer, twin prostitutes and an entire troupe of mummers. And she alarms everyone due to being 'overly fond of boys' and gets epic lines like this when it is suggested she marry Lord Rowan:

“I’ve bedded two of his sons. The eldest and thirdborn, I think it was. Not both at once, that would have been improper.”

She could have been an absolutely chaotic presence onscreen. Rhaena meanwhile is a little more like Sansa to Baela's Arya, but would have needed more work to flesh her out onscreen. Her insecurities and wish for a dragon seemed promising at first, but they were dropped as soon as Aemond lost his eye. Because that was ultimately the narrative purpose she served - to provide a new reason for the fight to start that wasn't Aemond hitting and pushing a toddler into a pile of dragon poo. She helps Aemond's image by being the one to start the fight instead of him, and from then on she becomes a voiceless non-entity. We watch Aemond fly away victoriously on Vhagar, we don't see Rhaena tearfully watching the last link to her mother vanish over the horizon.

Considering the prominent role of bastards during the dance (especially the dragonseeds), the uninterest in exploring bastardy in Jace makes little sense. Considering the centrality of gender to the story (and considering a certain event involving key players during the dance), the lack of effort into Baela and Rhaena makes zero sense (the show doesn't even bring up their right to Driftmark in an episode dedicated to discussing the rightful heir to Driftmark).

Considering especially that in fantasy black women are so often consigned to minor Missandei roles, the fact that we were robbed of Baela and Rhaena as main characters particularly stings. Baela in particular was an easy fan favourite in the book, and its a role that black women and girls so rarely get to play. If you had told me before the show that Helaena would be a fan favourite over Baela, I wouldn't have believed it. And don't get me wrong, I like that they fleshed out Helaena in the show, like Rhaena she didn't have much of a presence in the book. But it is so typical that the relative non-entity that they kept white gets to be fleshed out, while the more fleshed out character that they made black becomes a non-entity. And Helaena is skinny now, of course (all love to Phia Saban, but I am mourning plump Helaena).

And don't get me started on Kylo Raemond.

[nono-bunny]

When Eric Coleman, someone who worked closely on ATLA since its inception, understands that the biggest and most satisfying "hero's journey" of the show isn't even the hero's, I feel like that's kind of a clear indication not only of success with Zuko's character, but of failure with Aang's

I feel like as much as I came to hate Aang, I more than anyone would have been delighted to see him emerge triumphant after facing his issues, addressing them, and using what he learns to move on- but the one who ends up perfectly embodying that spirit of learning and growing from your mistakes is instead Zuko, while Aang sits on his ass, does jack-all, and gets all the credit! Aang NEVER grows as a person, both throughout the course of the show and through everything we know of him after it, and in perfect ironic contrast Zuko is ALWAYS growing, always working hard, always striving to do the right thing...

Like! I LOVE ATLA, I do! But it was NEVER because of Aang, and always because of the people around him. Even in the very beginning, I feel like I'm infinitely more interested in watching Sokka and Katara interact with each other and their tribe than I am with anything to do with him, and that's a problem!

When your main character only ever strives to be comic relief when the narrative needs him to be the hero, and he refuses to answer the call at every turn and has to be strong armed into doing his job both by other characters in universe and by the writers every time they need him to do his job... It's not good!!! He never gets past that!! He always has to have someone shove him towards being the hero, and his "reluctant hero" thing never stops! They previously talked about how sometimes the world needs the "reluctant hero", but that's like? A character archetype they should grow out of, that's the whole thing! They gain experience and confidence in themselves and their abilities, they become invested in the main conflicted and want to help resolve it, but??? Aang literally never does! He gets set up to start changing with Guru Pathik, his flightiness is addressed as an AWFUL thing by the other characters, but all of that flies out the window over and over and over again! He gets handed so many great scenarios where he SHOULD have chosen to step up, SHOULD have chosen to do the right thing, and he always chooses NOT to- because it's easier, because he knows others have grown used to picking up his slack... Because he ultimately doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his own self interests and his public image- those are canonical (even if not outright spoken like his flightiness) character flaws of his, and they're a great starting point for a hero to grow from.... But he never does, even when gives SO many perfect chances to, so he kinda just remains forever stuck as an asshole, entitled, brat.

[watchmakermori]

something I appreciate arcane for above all else is the perspective it takes on violence and change. it would have been so easy for this show to take a ‘violence is never the answer’ stance, wherein silco’s aggression and terrorism only make things worse for the people of zaun and his anger gets in the way of resolution. likewise, it also would’ve been very easy for this show to take a ‘violence is always the answer’ approach, leaning harder on the revolution aspect and taking the stance that compromise with oppressors is always failure. but instead, it approaches these themes with a lot more nuance, showing how violence can both aid and hinder progress, and how brokering peace can often only solve conflict in the short term

this is represented most keenly via vander and silco. we’re positioned to like vander, and his goals are sympathetic; he has an uneasy peace with the enforcers, which keeps the undercity in poverty but saves them from more tyrannical violence. it’s understandable why he wants this, after having lost so much in a previous revolution, but it ultimately hurts the city in the long run. constantly making peace with piltover leads to dissent amongst his own people, and his inaction is the catalyst that allows silco to take over. that puts the people of zaun in even more peril

but silco also represents change. he’s a ruthless kingpin who ravages his own people with shimmer, but the power he holds is what ultimately gives zaun a chance at independence. the council would never have entertained this when vander was in charge, because he bowed to their every whim. by becoming a genuine threat, silco gained bargaining power, and very nearly gained the independence he’d spent years grasping for

I really like that the thing which dooms zaun and piltover’s prospect of peace is not silco’s destructive nature. it’s his benevolence - his love for his daughter, who he refuses to give up. but on the other side of this, it is jinx’s violence that ultimately shatters any chance of peace between the two nations, when she makes the decision to attack the council

there are just so many layers to it, and this theme is present in more than just silco and vander’s characters too. we see how horrified jayce is when he accidentally - but brutally - kills a child in the undercity, but we also know that the council’s ongoing negligence towards zaun kills far more children, and he was happy to ignore that for years. we see how heimerdinger cautions against developing hextech for fear of the destruction it could cause, yet ignores the day-to-day suffering that hextech might alleviate, because he is privileged enough to turn away from it.

arcane is one of very few stories that successfully takes a big-picture look at how violence and peace are not necessarily polar opposites, and how sometimes brokering a peace to maintain an oppressive system is the most violent thing you can do. it manages to capture the nuances of how violence can both help and hinder a cause, without ever giving us an easy answer of how to resolve things. i love it so much and I hope that complexity carries through into the next season

[blue-b-bro]

Izzy and the candles

(kinda about Izzy's arc)

So I’ve finally sat down and looked closely into the candle scenes and after analyzing them, I’ve came to the conclusion, that they’re about the state of Izzy’s feeling towards Ed, how he deals with them. (if you have other ideas please share)

Let’s look at the scenes, shall we? (it's Izzy's POV, not what I think about his actions)

S1e3:

- He's not interested in meeting. - What? - 🕯️I explicitly told him… Blackbeard desired his company.

- But does he know who I am?

- Seemed to, yeah.🕯️ - And still, he said no. - You can "go suck eggs in hell" was his response, I believe. - Fascinating.

Why at that moment? Well, I think he didn’t lie, or at least he didn’t think he did. So he’s not punishing himself or anything. It’s about the whole conflict in s1: Izzy desires Ed’s company, wants Ed to desire his company. Izzy thinks, he knows Ed, but it turns out, he doesn’t know him so well.

He’s burning his hand by getting too close, just like his possessiveness ultimately only hurts him and Ed in the process. His feelings are so intense it’s actually destructive.

S1e7:

“🕯️Bonnet comes along, and he's like, "Oh, Oh, Blackbeard, I really love... I love the way you dress. I love the way your hair, your beard, and all that." I tell ya, I would've ripped his fuckin' head off. And I would have had him, too, I would have had him…🕯️”

And what is he doing just after that? Making a deal with the English. Proving that his selfish desire only makes it worse for both of them: Ed leaves him, Izzy made him work for the king.

S2e5:

Now, we need context. After Ed’s visit in s2e2 Izzy realized, that his selfish actions harmed not only him, but actually Ed too. That he was actively helping Ed kill himself, that Ed expected him, to just go with the plan, because he was his boss. That he was a bad first mate, because he almost killed his captain instead of protecting him, and that his way of love was bad, because it made Ed so miserable. So he metaphorically killed his old self (by trying to actually do it), stopped Ed, freed from his orders, and saved the crew.

He kept it mostly together until the crew was saved by Stede and then, there was nothing for him to do, no use for him. He may have did that big gesture to become his new self, but that didn’t erase his regrets. He felt responsible for Ed’s state, felt it was his fault for not doing his job, for making Ed hate him, for being useless, everything mixed in one miserable mess. He expected the crew to just let him die from overdrinking, because why would they care? They’re safe now, they have Stede. When the crew made him the new leg, he decided to give himself a second chance, stops drinking and tries to find a way to be of use (see? He didn’t get over it at all)

In e5, right after Ed’s apology (“And whatever that nasty, dark stuff was that brought us here, it's in the past. Which is all I want to say, at the end of the day, is we're trying to move the culture forward.”) he starts whittling the shark. The whole episode is about moving on, but Izzy doesn’t do that. He just buries his feelings deeper.

“Well, this is a pirate ship and I'm a pirate, so, yeah. I'm good with it.” He tells himself that that’s how it is, just like Archie said: “They get away with it and we move on”. Izzy doesn’t expect any apology, doesn’t think he deserves any, but he’s still hurt, he’s still unmoored, without any clear direction in life.

- So this is where all my candles went. And you've used the good ones. - Yep. I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg. [🕯️] - The basics? I think my basics might be a bit more basic than your basics. Actually, it recently occurred to me that... - That you know nothing? That you're a shitty Captain, yeah? - I don't know about that. But Blackbeard did say he credited you with a lot of his skills. - Yeah, well, Blackbeard says a lot of things. But what did he say about me specifically? - Well, specifically, he said you taught him everything he knows. Made him the Captain he is today. Perhaps I could learn at the feet of one of the greats. - Foot. - Oh, yes, foot. Sorry. - Ya know, maybe I could teach even you a thing or two.

“I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg.” He’s basically saying he’s starting anew. He decided to forget the past, to kill his feelings for Ed, all that hurt and sorrow and guilt, just move on.

“Don't know what you're talkin' about. A shark did this. Dangling my legs over the side of the ship. Served me right, too.” It was all his own fault, so he doesn’t need any apology. It was to be expected, so there’s no need to feel hurt or betrayed.

S2e8:

Izzy was telling himself it was his fault he got treated like that by Ed, it was just how pirate’s life worked, everything's fine, but at the same time Stede was happy, grateful and nice to him all episode, showing him, that no, it doesn’t have to work like that, it didn’t have to work like that. His relationship with Ed didn’t have to look like it looked, he could have had better relationship with Ed, if only he let him.

In e6 he’s drinking again.

they both know it’s not about the weather. it’s about Ed’s feelings, Ed feeling it was all too nice and something has to go bad eventually. And Izzy’s on his new track, trying to keep Ed in this better place, the one he so desperately tried to get him out of in s1. He now knows his relationship with Ed and Ed’s life was so miserable because of him, and he tries to fix it, to help Ed get rid of bad habits.

Izzy probably didn’t know how to respond, having mixed feelings about it since he was all about how it was his own fault and Ed apologizing actually contradicts it, forcing Izzy to acknowledge his suffering that he so strongly tried to repress.

“Turn the poison into positivity” it’s kinda like a response to s1e5 where Izzy was opposed/shocked by open culture on the Revenge and now, knowing his old ways were wrong he actually stops, asks what’s that about and tries himself. Izzy sings about looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses, and I think it’s about him wishing Ed and Stede well.

Izzy decided to focus on helping Ed and Stede in their relationship. He realized he was the reason for Ed’s unhappiness, it was him, who made him worse by trying to keep him to himself, and so his own feelings don't matter. His feelings for Ed don't matter, his love doesn't matter, and that’s why he’s all helpful, but at the same time looks tired. After Ed leaves Stede, Izzy finds him at the bar, (always with Stede when Ed isn’t around). He tells him he thinks they’re good for each other, comforts Stede, is ok with talking about their feelings for Ed. He tries to protect Stede from his auto destructive behavior post breakup (not just going along, like with Ed).

Now we’re at e8 finally:

- 🕯️Can't believe I have an audience with the great Israel Hands. That's absolutely astounding. I've always thought you were underrated. I mean, it's absurd, isn't it? Isn't it? That Blackbeard, he gets all this praise, when you are quite clearly the brains of this operation?🕯️ (playing with fire in a safe way, calm) - Ya don't know the first thing about piracy, do ya? - Don't I? - It's not about glory. It's not about gettin' what you want. It's about belonging to something when the world has told you you're nothin'. It's about finding the family to kill for when yours are long dead. It's about letting go of ego for something larger. The crew.

“when you are quite clearly the brains of this operation” Izzy feels responsible for all the bad things that happened to Ed, for his unhappiness. He wanted to follow and serve Blackbeard, not to replace him. He and Ed created Blackbeard, why would he want to have something that was already his? When Blackbeard got all the praise, Izzy was proud. The only praises he needed was those from Ed. (I don't mean he didn't care about being respected by others but appreciated)

“It's not about glory. It's not about gettin' what you want. It's about belonging to something when the world has told you you're nothin'. It's about finding the family to kill for when yours are long dead. It's about letting go of ego for something larger. The crew.”

It’s about Izzy abandoning his selfish desire to be with Ed, to have Ed’s full attention, to have his love, and focusing about caring for others, for his family (Ed and the crew), about their happiness.

And you know what? I think it could’ve been Izzy’s idea to go with Ricky, to be on the front line. That’s very like him and I don’t see other reason for it. The crew is protective of Izzy, it wouldn’t be their idea.

- Ed, I'm sorry. I've been terrible to you. - No, I'm sorry. - No. - What are you apologizing for? I should be the one who's apologizing. - I fed your darkness… Blackbeard. For years, I egged him on, even though I knew you'd outgrown him, but the truth is… I needed him. Blackbeard... it was us. You, me.

I’m happy he said that, I’m happy they finally talked. I’m happy Izzy finally said out laud how unwell he is inside.

bonus:

(⚠️ here comes finale criticism, you’ve been warned ⚠️)

But him dying there was as if Ed died in e5! Oh, he realized his mistakes and started to fix them, but still is very messed up inside. That’s Ed in e5-6. And somehow he got to live after apologizing to Fang, hmm? Yeah, it was very in character for Izzy to get himself killed for Ed, to apologize for his great crimes of *checks hand* misunderstanding, being confused and selfish and being in love with Ed. Understandable. Ed can realize he’s actually worthy of love and forgiveness, but Izzy isn’t? Izzy would agree, but that’s not the point. He wasn’t on the arc towards healing. He was on the arc of realizing how bad of an influence he was and then dying . He was marinating that thought since s2e2. How fun.

Like, yeah, he realized he was selfish and fixed his wrongdoings. But he also thought he was worthless and, ekhem, defiled his captain with his love, wait where did I hear that...

[the-eeveekins]

25 Days of G-Witch Reflection

This was my 4th time watching G-Witch, but really the first time I've watched it start-to-finish since the show ended in July (I watched the Japanese version twice a week when it was airing and was also watching the English dub simultaneously, which ended a few weeks later). The idea to watch an episode a day starting December 1st and ending on Christmas Day didn't come to me until very late in November, when I was thinking about wanting to make sure I watched it again before the year ended. It was challenging at times and stressful at others, but I looked forward to watching an episode every day and writing down my thoughts on each one, and those thoughts slowly grew with each episode.

My thoughts? Well I still love this show, and honestly the pacing felt better this time around, but maybe that's just me getting used to it. That's not to say it's pacing is amazing, but now that I don't have the burden of certain expectations going in, the pacing and the speed at which the ending happened feel more natural. In addition, a lot of big problems I had before really feel like it might be a case of me overthinking things once I started writing them out everyday, but there's still the issue of the show being ambiguous enough that those things aren't clear in the first place.

I think G-Witch's biggest problem is the expectations people have going into it, some due to it being a Gundam series and some being how well it executes it's background themes. There is an expectation that the show will seriously tackle the conflict between Earth and Space, the corporate corruption, the co-opting of medical technology for warfare and the transhumanist questions raised in the prologue and ending. I personally believe that those were never meant to be a focus, that the point of this story was the relationship between Suletta & Miorine and the conflict of their families (with The Tempest serving as the framework for the story) and everything else was a background detail meant to move that story forward. So maybe the reason I love it so much and many of it's "flaws" don't bother me is I never expected it to (nor really wanted it to) tackle those issues, and focus on that family drama instead.

I remember being in the minority when the 2nd season was airing that didn't want a 3rd and 4th season, especially one that would turn G-Witch into a traditional war story. I liked that G-Witch seemed to be aiming for a smaller, tighter focus around Suletta & Miorine's family, and I could tell midway through S2 that that story was barreling towards it's conclusion and anymore would've just been another Gundam war story unless they continued to take this AU further and further away from the core Gundam experience.

Unfortunately, for one reason or another, the show itself seemed to forget that in parts of S2, and tried to be more like a traditional Gundam series for a moment. Watching it day-to-day makes episode 15 really stand out for how egregiously out of place it is, and the series ties too hard to keep Guel relevant during it's finale, to the detriment of more important things. We may never know what happened behind the scenes, but I still firmly believe that this was a result of executive meddling. My biggest complaint after this 4th viewing is that S2 spent too much time on the Jeturk family and not enough time with the Rembran family (Delling and Notrette are almost an afterthought), and instead of building the SAL as the final antagonistic faction, we wasted time following the Dawn of Fold for an episode that didn't impact the story. Definitely still think they needed to introduce the Demi-Barding & Gundam Schwarzette earlier and do a little more with them.

I definitely wish Suletta & Miorine spent more time together in S2, but I don't know that I'd change anything significant enough in S2 to make them spend significantly more time together. I would just give them more time in the wake of their reunion to see them talk afterwards before Suletta boarded the Calibarn. And even if the number of scenes they physically shared was small, they constantly thought about each other and motivated each other through the entirety of the season. Everything Miorine did was for Suletta's sake. Miorine was constantly in Suletta's thoughts, even after the divorce, and she never gave up on that relationship.

It's been 6 months since the series finished airing, and I still think about it daily. I still have a lot of emotions regarding the series. I cry pretty much the entire 2nd half of the final episode still, I still can't listen to Houseki no Hibi without breaking into tears, and it even hits me sometimes when listening to The Blessing or looking at various pieces of art. Much to my surprise, and my immense relief and happiness, not a day goes by where I don't see a new piece of Sulemio artwork, and seeing them together still brings me great joy and happiness. Suletta is my favorite fictional character ever, and Miorine is right next to her, and they're both incredibly important to me for a number of reasons. I love them so much that it actually got me to write fiction about characters that aren't my OCs, and even post my writing publicly for the first time. This show and it's ending makes me incredibly happy, but I also felt an incredibly strong melancholy when it ended that took me over a week to get over, and those feelings have strongly returned in the wake of finishing it again.

I don't know how long this hyperfixation will last. I've never loved a piece of media or characters as strongly as I love G-Witch and Sulemio, and I'm definitely in uncharted territory when it comes to that. But until I stop thinking about this show and these girls on a daily basis, I'm going to keep talking about it and showing it my love.

[bluesylveon2]

AOT Season 4 The Final Chapters Thoughts:

Crunchyroll won't let me screenshot so I will write out my thoughts instead:

I like how this part of Season 4 is Armin-centric. The first part was dedicated to Eren and then the second part was dedicated to Mikasa

Yall I lowkey forgot Armin gets kidnapped by the okapi titan

The cgi continues to improve for aot. However, you can tell MAPPA's budget went to jjk because of the amount of fanservice they are giving 😂

The Survey Corps vs past titans shifters fight was so good!!! I liked watching it more than reading it because you could see what happens in the action. Also the scene with Pieck running toward the Warhammer titan was hilarious

I like the detail of the gray people and the colored baby. The baby represents the future and it being colored represents the hope of getting through the Rumbling. I like how everything became colored once the titans stopped moving.

Levi finally killing Zeke was satisfying. Now Zeke can be reborn as Toji in jjk because we know stuff is going down there too lol

Can I just say that I love the aruani scenes? Like Annie immediately asks where's Armin but tries to play it off and Mikasa was not buying it! Then there was the other part where Annie saves Armin and AHHHH I loved it!! Her dad better be impressed if Annie got with Armin cause he is so cool

Okay that hallucigenia thing needed to go. We don't even know where it went after Eren died. We assume it died with him because everyone turned back to normal. Also, I guess every titan had a piece of hallucigenia in them, specifically in their spine that connects their CNS and their PNS. It turning others into titans was it's way to "multiply" and keep it alive

The eremika kiss was not as creepy as I remember in the manga. The lighting helped it a lot. I remember reading that part and questioning what was Isayama thinking when he wrote that

I like to think of Eren as Lelouch from Code Geass, except Lelouch lived to see the effects of what he did. Eren had no choice but to die after wiping out 80% of humanity.

On that thought, there was one part where Armin was like "we can't have conflict if we destroy the outside world." Well, we already saw at the beginning of S4 that is not the case. There will always be conflict in the world. We even see it today. Sure, Eren could have killed everyone, but you still have conflict within Paradis. We saw it already with the Jaegerists. Eren helped his friends have a peaceful life but that would end eventually once they passed.

I sobbed at the part with everyone reuniting. It was sweet in the manga, it was sweet now

Historia's daughter is so cute!!!!

I like the ending even if it is slightly different from the manga. Of course you get the 104 + Pieck coming to Paradis (Jean looking great as always lol), Mikasa seeing birb Eren, Onyakopon and Yelena (finally) helping out, Levi with the kids, and Falco/Gabi planting a tree to signify new beginnings

Now...my only complaint about this episode was the credits. WHY DID THEY MAKE IT SMALL??? i WANTED TO KNOW WHO MIKASA MARRIED!!!! I liked the detail with the other kid tho. The boy sees the tree with a hole and walks in. I think this is Isayama's way of showing that titans can return and Eren would be the new Ymir. I'm not too certain, but it would suck for Eren because he would not be free. Maybe the kid could be the new Ymir? Who knows? My question would be how would titans survive modern day. Obviously they would evolve, but can they survive modern technology. We may not use swords much anymore but there is nuclear technology.

(Edit: it is possible Mikasa married Jean based on what we see in the anime/manga. I feel like that's not a good ending for either one of them because a) Mikasa's heart belongs to Eren. It's like Rose from the Titanic. Basically, Mikasa won't love Jean or whoever she married fully. b) Jean seems to be busy conducting the peace talks with the others. Idk if he would have time for Mikasa unless they were both cool with it. c) I think it's just not a good ending for either of them. I felt bad for Mikasa throughout the whole episode and that as her ending is...idk...I would feel even bad for her)

I know Isayama is done with the series but i have questions I want answered!!! 😭 Still, I got into this fandom back in 2013 and it has been a good 10 years. I met a lot of great people from the fandom who I still talk to today. Aot is my favorite anime and I plan on rewatching the anime or buy the manga in the future. Now it is time for me to go to the next fandom aka twst lol

[honey-decadence]

so i saw @delusionisaplace ‘s prompt list (#4) and immediately i thought of Zoro lmao

please enjoy!

Title: Mesmerized

Word Count: 890

CW: R-18, hot summer afternoon, post time skip, hook up, oral, gn reader, Zoro receiving, reader giving, swallowing

______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________

“Swallow it. All of it.” the swordsman grunted, tightening his grip on your hair. You kept your pace steady, your tongue circling the head of Zoro’s dick, applying slight pressure at the underside knowing how much he loved the feeling. His back was laying against the floorboards, his legs wide open with you between them.

The lazy summer afternoon was already sweltering and sucking off Zoro only added to the intensity of the atmosphere. Your skin felt sticky all over and had it not been for Zoro’s company, you probably would’ve gone with Usopp and Sanji to the farmer’s market on the pier to cool off.

But instead you were here in the crow’s nest with Zoro, fully intending on training with him but one thing led to another and you both couldn’t take your hands off each other no matter the degrees outside.

Your hand firmly pumped his shaft while the other hand was occupied with touching yourself where you craved it most, your own moans clearly having some effect on Zoro as well, evident by the cursing he muttered under his breath.

After one final flick of your tongue, you moved your lips down his penis, peppering soft kisses until you had reached your destination. You gave a slow swipe to Zoro’s balls and felt them twitch, you laughed softly. The swordsman’s hushed moan brought out this urgent need within you to coax out more of his lovely voice. He was practically crying for some attention to one of his sweet spots.

You took a ball into your mouth and began to gently suck on the smooth skin. Zoro let out another moan, this time with more depth, his hand pulling your hair some more, desperately pushing you more towards his crotch. As much as it irritated your scalp, something about Zoro clutching your hair, his face coated in a light veil of sweat, and the sight of his chest breathing heavily made you more daring and even more turned on.

“(y/n).. ah.. I need to cum..”

You looked up at him, admiring that shameless, beseeching look in his eye.

You were conflicted; one part of you wanted to prolong this pressure you’ve worked so hard to build up to. Savoring every cute noise Zoro would make along the way and more to come.

Another part of you wanted to take pity on the young man, you wanted to free him from this trance you put him in and let him shoot strings into the back of your throat until he was dry and call it a day.

Both choices were very tempting.

You decided to let Zoro’s ball go with a wet pop and made your way back up, teasingly sluggish, kissing the shaft and purposely indulging in more of his groans that only you and a few others have been graced to hear.

“(y/n)..” He hushed out between gritted teeth. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

You maintained your speed, making the whole ordeal more agonizing on Zoro’s end, chuckling at the sound of his exasperated sigh that followed.

“Don’t rush me marimo.”

Normally, Zoro would have snapped at your remark but the moment you set your wet lips on him, any and all thoughts of arguing with you flew out the windows, scrunching his face as he enjoyed the velvety texture of your tongue as it circled the head of his dick once again.

You decided to release the poor swordsman from his plight, your mouth sucking harder now than ever, your fervent licking driving Zoro over the top; his eye shot open.

“Ah! Hey!” he yelped.

His warm cum splashed and coated your mouth, his taste was as salty as ever. It felt like a hot minute as streams shot out, each time you swallowed, you wondered when he was going to stop.

As you swallowed the last drop of Zoro’s fluids, you watched him try, and struggle, to stay awake. You smiled to yourself, admiring the mess you made out of him. Raising yourself from between his legs, you laid down next to him, giving a kiss to his sweaty temple. He turned his head to face you, looking into your eyes as he chuckled.

"Don't get too attached now." He said.

You thought about what he had said before your next reply. Wearing that cheeky smile of yours, you reassured him.

"If you get up and leave, I ain't standing in your way." You ran your hand through his wet strands of hair before coming down to his ear, playing with his three earrings. "And it doesn't matter to me, you'll be back again", giving him a face, knowing well that this wasn't the last time you two would be intimate like this. You were one of the few people he let take a glimpse past his tough guy exterior, he wouldn't walk away so easily.

As soon as those words left your lips, Zoro quickly fell into a deep sleep, comically snoring. You both knew that as 2nd in command, Zoro had to put the balance of the crew before all personal feelings. With your words, he was able to relax.

Shortly after, you let your eyelids drop and enjoyed the nice breeze coming from the window, cooling your sweaty body. You could only wish moments like these would happen more often.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

this was the song I had on repeat during the making of this fic:

Always Be My Baby Def Club Mix -Mariah Carey (specifically this chorus)

Title and writing was inspired by another Mariah Carey song as well

i tried to emphasize the feeling of trust towards the end and i hope it came out that way, thank you for reading! Happy One Piece day!

[lurkingshan]

On Jae Won and Pran

Last night I read a couple excellent posts - this one from @emotionallychargedtowel breaking down the evolution of Jae Won’s mindset in the final two episodes of The Eighth Sense, and this one from @waitmyturtles about themes of generational trauma explored in Bad Buddy, and how his mother’s trauma, his role as the only child of the family, the expectations heaped on him by his parents to carry all their hopes and dreams, and his fear of family rejection manifested in Pran’s inability to see a future for himself with Pat and his subsequent (initial) hesitance to risk it all on a relationship with him. And this really got my wheels turning, because I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between Pran and Jae Won.

Like Pran, Jae Won has inherited generational trauma. We don’t know most of the details, but we do know Jae Won’s father is “aggressive” towards him and appears to lash out at him in anger. We can only assume that those family issues got even worse after his brother’s death, which he feels responsible for (and given what we know of his family, it’s a fair bet that his parents have placed blame on him, too). It is usually the case that perpetrators of family violence were themselves victims of the previous generation’s family violence, so it seems fair to assume there is multigenerational trauma in Jae Won’s family.

Also like Pran, Jae Won is now his family’s only (living) child, and feels enormous pressure to be successful (as his family defines the term) and avoid disappointing his parents. This is a big source of the paralysis he feels following his return from military enlistment, when what he wants to do is completely at odds with what he knows is expected of him. Turtles talked about how for Pran, risking alienating his parents means risking giving up the only family he has - that fear must be even more pronounced for Jae Won, who has already lost his precious brother and feels utterly alone in the world.

Pran and Jae Won are both people pleasers. Pran is the problem solver in his group of friends, the one who smooths things over and mediates conflicts. Even when he is the wronged party (coughcurtaindropcough), he goes out of his way to forgive and disregards his own needs in order to make everyone happy again. And of course, his ultimate act of people pleasing is to carry on a charade of ending things with Pat in order to assuage his guilty feelings toward his mother and keep his family intact. Jae Won simply never acknowledges conflict in the first place, choosing instead to bend to the will of those around him rather than putting up any kind of fight, and the end result is the same. He disregards his own needs and wellbeing to avoid rocking the boat.

Pran and Jae Won are also both extremely skilled at masking their true emotions and keeping people at a distance. Pran was in love and pining away for years, and absolutely no one - even his best friend - knew about it. Pran was so skilled at hiding his relationship with Pat that he probably could have kept the secret going indefinitely. It was Pat who couldn’t stand it, and ultimately they were forced to return to Pran’s tactic of pretending (and honestly, my heart breaks a little when I imagine Pran having to teach Pat how to hide himself). Similarly, Jae Won’s friends don’t actually know him. They don’t know about his brother, his mental health struggles, or his fraught relationship with his parents. They look at him and see only what he wants them to see - an unbothered chaebol sailing through life. At the core of this tendency for both Jae Won and Pran is a need to protect themselves, because they’ve already learned that they will never be fully accepted for who they are and they live constantly under threat of losing the only security they know if they reveal too much of themselves.

And finally, in matters of romance, Pran and Jae Won are similarly hesitant to allow themselves to go after what they want. Pran always believed his love for Pat would have to stay a secret tucked into a corner of his heart, and even when his feelings were finally reciprocated, he struggled to believe there was any chance he could really be allowed to be with him. After his brother’s death, Jae Won never felt he was deserving of happiness, and he surrounded himself with toxic users to ensure he wouldn’t get it. Even as he was inexorably drawn to Ji Hyun, his hesitation and doubt was clear in every moment. He was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and as soon as it did he fell right back into resigned acceptance of the shitty relationships he felt he deserved. Both Jae Won and Pran likely would have stayed in that purgatory forever, except that they each found someone with the confidence and persistence to help them see a different way.

Which brings me to where Pran and Jae Won ultimately find release from their family trauma, guilt, and self-doubt - in Pat and Ji Hyun. For both of them, they find courage in creating a new bond that is strong enough to weather the coming storm. Pran forms a new family unit with Pat and draws strength from him when his parents inevitably reject his vision for his life. Jae Won pushes and pulls away from and returns to Ji Hyun when he is certain he can trust him to hang in through the hard parts (and we know there are many hard parts still to come). From these bonds they also both build a stronger community around them - Pran strengthening his relationships with the friends in their inner circle that know the truth about him and Pat, Jae Won finding new closeness with Yoon Won and an extended support system in Ji Hyun’s friends.

Their fear of family rejection hasn’t gone away, but they are better fortified against it. They haven’t magically cured their generational trauma, but they have found a way to live beyond it. And I just think that’s beautiful.

[sapphicsaints]

can I ask for a Tamar x reader where she is the healer in Sturmhond's crew, she and Tamar pretend to be "just friends" but for once the reader gets injured during a fight and Tamar is terrified of losing her and her first thing he does when the reader wakes up is kiss her

I better live so I can make fun of her for this

Tamar x f!Grisha Reader

Wordcount: ~1.5k

Warnings: descriptions of injury, discussions of death

A/N: Thank you for the request! I loved writing this

Summary: Y/n's always been certain she's someone who lives with no regrets, but she finds herself begging the Saints for a second chance, begging whoever’s up there to give her another shot. 

I’m fine with the situation - or I think I am. It’s easier this way, less complicated, and we can avoid unnecessary comments and conflicts. At the same time, it’s difficult to ‘act normal’ about everything when half of the time all I want to do is hold her hand, or give her a hug that lasts a few seconds too long. I’m not sure if she feels the same, I hope she does. I know it’s not a ‘friends with benefits’ situation, more of a ‘secret relationship.’ It feels cheesy, like something out of a romance novel. 

I’m working with one of the deckhands, checking in on an old injury. He’s distracted by something and I sneak a glance over to Tamar, she’s sparring with someone. I hold back a chuckle as he’s flipped right on his ass. Nobody lasts long against her. I turn back to the sailor. “You’re all set.” 

He thanks me and hops up off the crate, heading over to discuss something with one of his friends. I take over his seat and tilt my head back, closing my eyes so the sun can soak into my skin. ‘Maybe it’ll bring out my freckles some more.’ I think to myself. 

The wood next to me creaks, and I peek one eye open to check. Tamar’s sitting next to me. 

“You made easy work of him.” I tell her, mentioning the sailor she sparred with earlier. 

“Always happy to knock someone's egos down a few pegs.” She grins

I chuckle and turn to her. “Just have mercy on me.” 

She rolls her eyes. “You can hold your own.” 

“Not against you.” I mumble. That’s a sore point for me - after a year on board I haven’t been able to win against her. We tied once and I hold onto that like a grand victory. 

“You’ll get there one day” she nudges me with her shoulder. 

“I hope you’re ready for it.” 

She hums, turning her head up to meet the sun, I copy her and we sit in peaceful silence.. 

–

The pain shocks me, jolts me. I scream as I fall, a bullet hitting my chest - slightly to the left of my heart. I feel myself weakening, feel the blood dripping from me. I wiggle so my back is leaning against a crate, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself. 

“The bleeding.” I mutter to myself, “stop the bleeding. Keep the heart going.” I’m doing my best to use my powers on myself but it’s not quick enough. The fight is over, I hear the howls and cheers going up, the gunfire and clash of swords are gone. 

“TAMAR” I scream, seeing her just ahead of me, her back turned. Quick as lightning she’s sprinting to my side. She falls to her knees in front of me. I watch her eyes assess the situation. 

“Bullet.” I tell her, and point to the exact spot it hit. I take more deep breaths, trying to keep my calm, to keep myself centered - it’s not working but I feel her powers working, I’m grateful for the lessons I gave her - she picked up on healing quickly. I let a small smile drift across my face, I’m proud of her. 

“TOLYA.” I hear her scream - it sounds distant. I keep blinking my eyes, and keep fighting to stay awake. 

“Stay awake, love.” She whispers, her hands over my heart, working to try and heal it. I hear Tolya dropping to the other side, starting to work in tandem with his sister. It’s strange being healed - instead of doing the healing. 

“Hey.” I whisper, her eyes dart up towards me. “I love you.” I say, black spots start appearing around my eyes, I close them - squinting as hard as I can, I feel the tears start to leak from the corners of my eyes. If I’m dying - I'll do it with one less regret on my chest. I’m ready to accept it, to let myself be welcomed home, but before I can I hear her scream. I know I'm not awake but it pushes something forward in me, like a small tug to keep going - to try and fight. My soul is hovering - waiting, hoping for a body to go home to. 

–

There’s days where I think I know how important something is to me, how much it means, how much I'm willing to risk, and then something happens to change my entire perspective on it. 

I’ve never felt more helpless in my life. I’m out of my body - watching her cry over me. I can’t feel it, but I can see how pale and clammy my skin is. Whatever version of me I'm in right now, I still feel the ache -. I can’t feel the pain I know my physical body is in, but I can feel the heartbreak, see the devastation my injury is bringing. I know it's not my fault at all, but I’m a healer - I hate not being able to fix it, not being able to mend my broken self. Having to put my faith in others. I have faith in Tamar. I’ve always been certain I'm someone who lives with no regrets, but I'm finding myself begging the Saints for a second chance, begging whoever’s up there to give me another shot. 

The week passes by in glimpses, small dashes out of my body, watching Tolya and Tamar work constantly to keep my heart beating, to keep my blood flowing. I can see their concern and fear, but I also see their determination. If there’s any chance at me surviving - I know these two will make it happen. This version of me feels empty - I don’t have my powers. I can’t sense my own heart rate, I can’t detect blood pressure, or respiration rates, I never realized how big of a part of me my powers are. 

–

She’s singing, I realize. Sitting next to my bed and singing. Some kind of shu ballad I know she barely remembers. My out of body self starts laughing. ‘I better live so I can make fun of her for this.’ She really should leave the poetry to Tolya. But I don’t mind her singing to me, maybe I’ll convince her to do it more often. She has a nice voice - for a mercenary. 

She pauses for a moment, squeezing my hand. “I can’t lose you y/n.” I see tears swell in her eyes and have to look away. I’ve never seen her cry, Tamar’s never cried in front of me. 

–

My eyes blink open, I'm back in my body. Everything feels too bright, too overwhelming, I shut my eyes again, planting my hands firmly down on my sides, trying to push myself up into a sitting position. I groan, the motion making my ribs ache. Someone is at my side in an instant, their arm gently laying me back down. I turn my head, blinking my eyes open again, slowly adjusting to the bright lights. Bronze skin, golden tilted eyes, short dark cropped hair, a beautiful grin on her face - it’s Tamar, the first one I see. Millions of people could be in the room, but at this time, I wouldn’t see anyone else. I reach one of my arms for her, ignoring the pain in my side. She gets the message and leans down. Her hands cup my cheeks gently and she places a soft kiss on my lips. I tug at the back of her neck, trying to bring her in closer, deeper, meld her body in with mine. She just chuckles and pulls back to lean her forehead against mine. 

“You’re still hurt.” Her voice is low, but I can hear the love in it. The gentleness she saves just for me. 

“I’m the healer.” I grumble. “I’m fine.” 

“Excuse me, I’m the healer now. You’re my patient.” My eyes are closed but I can still feel her smile. 

She shifts away from me, and I start to protest but she pulls a chair up next to my cot, holding onto one of my hands. 

“I could see it all.” I tell her. “From above.”

Her eyes widen but she hesitates, like she doesn’t know what to say or how to respond. 

“I don’t want to hide anymore.” I tell her, willing my voice to stay strong. “I want everything with you, I don’t want any regrets.” 

She holds my hand up to her lips, gently turning my wrist to kiss my palm. “You’ll have everything. No more hiding, never again.” 

I break out into a grin that she matches, leaning back down to place another soft kiss on my lips. 

I hear a whistle in the background. Tamar leans up, Sturmhond is leaning against he doorframe. “I can’t say that was completely unexpected. How romantic.” 

“Get out.” Tamar snarls. He moves without hesitation, quietly shutting the door behind him. She turns to me, “where were we?” 

I laugh hard enough that I wince, my ribs aching from the movement.

[mia-tiny]

『 Yunho & Make Up Sex 』 | KTB ‘22

⇒ pairing: j. yunho x fem!reader

⇒ smut, unhealthy relationship, controlling yunho, unprotected sex (a big no no), fingering, slight choking, mentions of drinking, slightly yandere

⇒ word count: 1025

💕 view my masterlist here

🖤 view my Kinktober ‘22 masterlist here

⇒ author’s note: I mean this prompt was supposed to be more fluffy but damn did I get carried away and it ended up kinda yandere

'*•.¸♡ ALSO I finally decided to turn tips on in case anyone would like to support their local unemployed simp who spends more time writing than looking for jobs ♡¸.•*'

You are lounging on the couch and scrolling through your phone when the sound of the front door opening and closing signifies that your boyfriend has finally come home from working overtime. The sound of some stumbling and clanging causes you to curiously walk to the entryway only to find Yunho clearly intoxicated. He is struggling to take his shoes off as he bumps into walls and nearly falls over.

Anger quickly ignites in your chest as his drowsy eyes meet yours and it is undeniable that he has broken his promise to you once again. Instead of working overtime like he claimed, he has again gone out, gotten drunk, and possibly done all kinds of things you don’t want to think about. After all, there isn’t much you’d put past him.

“Y/N, wait!” he calls out as you simply turn on your heel and march back to your bedroom, slamming the door closed behind you and curling up in a frustrated ball on the bed. You can hear his clumsy footsteps following after you and it only takes a minute or so before he is sitting next to you.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know what I promised but it’s just this one exception because…”

His monologue of recycled excuses drones on as he once again begins to squirm his way out of trouble and keep you in his grasp. As he speaks, he begins wrapping his arms around you to pull you into his chest, but you instantly shove him away in anger. He is finally silent and you meet his surprised eyes.

“I’ve had enough,” you choke out as you suppress the tears stinging at the corners of your eyes.

You swiftly get off the bed, wanting to escape him, but he firmly grasps your wrist and pulls your back against his chest. His large hands now snake around your torso and you grab them in an attempt to remove him, but he is far stronger than you and has no trouble resisting your efforts. He lays tender kisses along your neck and one hand travels up to gently grope your tits.

“Baby,” he purrs seductively right next to your ear, your tears finally beginning to spill as you feel yourself caving under his touch. “This is the last time, honestly. Please don’t be mad at me.”

His right hand gives a gentle pinch to your nipple as his left sinks into the waistband of your pants and starts rubbing firm circles on your clit. You can’t help the moan that escapes your mouth. You want nothing more than to tell him off and make him realize his wrongs, but the feeling of his lips against your skin has you feeling dizzy.

“Yunho,” you whimper with mixed emotions, not even entirely sure what you’re asking of him at this point.

“Shh, baby,” he coos as he slips two of his long, thick fingers into your already wet hole. “Let me show you how much I love you.”

Your knees get weak as he presses against the perfect spot inside you and picks up pace exponentially. You want to yell at him, kick him out, make him grovel. You want to do anything other than give in to his touch as usual, but a moan falls subconsciously from your mouth and he knows he’s in the clear yet again. He knows he can always use your body against you in order to keep you under his control.

He lets you bask in the pleasure momentarily before removing his hand and holding you close to him. Laying sloppy kisses on your neck, he moves you towards the wardrobe and bends you over the top. The angle of your body is awkward and the feelings in your heart are conflicted, but Yunho can only think about fucking you so hard you forget your own name.

He pulls your pants and underwear down enough to expose your desperate pussy and it takes only moments before he is shoving his entire length inside of you. You yelp in surprise at the sudden intrusion, but Yunho just groans from behind you as he revels in the feeling of your tight hole fluttering around him.

“I love you so much,” he states sweetly before immediately gripping your hips and beginning to pound into you mercilessly.

Pathetic whimpers fall from your lips as you tightly grip the wardrobe that bangs on the wall with every thrust. The lewd sound of skin slapping against skin echoes through the room and you can’t even remember what you’re supposed to be mad about. The only thing you can think of is Yunho, which is just how he wants it.

“Yunho, please,” you beg, your climax building quickly from his constant assault on your g-spot. He fucks you with a passionate fervor that only shows up on nights like this. In fact, you have become convinced that sex can be a love language only after meeting him.

Yunho’s hand snakes down around your neck and pulls you back so you are against his chest again. He only slightly squeezes along the sides so that your head feels fuzzy while his other hand sneaks down to rub hasty circles on your clit.

“Say you love me,” he commands as he pushes you towards your high.

You want to do as he says, but you are unable to choke the words out as the pleasure paralyzes your mind.

“Say it, Y/N.”

His voice is practically a growl at this point and you comply just as your orgasm hits at full force. He stops his thrusts as he feels your walls constricting mercilessly around his cock, not wanting to cum just yet. He can go for hours on nights like these and absolutely intends to.

All night, he doesn’t stop showering you in pleasure until you’re crying on his cock from how overstimulated you are and begging him to cum so you can rest. When he wakes up in the morning with you in his arms, he smiles to himself as he has once again proven how wrapped around his finger you are.

Just as you should be.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist: @minkysmilk @annaflwrs @han8ul