#like lmao it's fine and it does NOT matter but also GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thegamingcatmom]

How do you think the denalis would react to a reader who loves giving head?

Same question for the Resident evil ladies

I mean-

Pretty much that, LMAO.

Ofc they´re all for it. What´s not to love about a beautiful lady expressing that love and devotion by devouring you like she´s got them cravings? 😩🤌

So, I´d say the inward reaction is more or less the same, no matter which lady we´re talking.

On the outside, however-

Listen, some of us got a reputation to uphold, aight?

...With that said:

(Imma switch to "you" here cause it flows a lot better and makes for a more immersive feeling. ;3)

Warning Promise: Things are about to get rather gay.

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.

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Tanya Denali:

doesn´t care about the place

outside, inside, up, down, above, under - great, she´ll take it

she does care about the position though

we´ve been through this - she´s no Bottom

so, don´t expect her to lie down like a pillow princess

she´s a leader, ffs

an alpha

she´s either gonna be sitting (preferably on your face) or standing

perhaps she´ll lift a leg for easier access if she´s standing

then it´s showtime

she enjoys herself thoroughly and has no problem letting the world know

why shouldn´t they know?

you belong to her just as she belongs to you, after all

let them hear

when she´s feeling particularly naughty, she´ll make sure to sound as much like a porn star as she can manage

to say she loves it when you turn as red as a lobster would be quite the understatement

it drives her wild

which is one of the reasons she does it in the first place

the other reason is to ensure her sisters won´t come within miles of the two of you

(and they better stay there)

...it´s also a massive boost to her ego though, it has to be said

seeing the effect she has on you, even when she´s the one receiving?

more often than not, that´s the final straw for her

Kate Denali:

like Tanya, she doesn´t really care about the place

but, unlike Tanya, she also doesn´t care about the position

she´s just damn happy to be here, yknow?

will curse

a lot

will also compliment you

a lot

it´s actually a combination, like-

"Fuck! You´re so pretty down on your knees. All f-for me? Fucking...p-perfect! My perfect little princezná. God-"

she loves letting you know what a mess she is

all because of you

her perfect little warrior

she´ll always worship you, even when she´s the one receiving

and not just vocally

she´ll touch anywhere she can reach

will comb her fingers through your hair

will cradle and stroke your cheek/s

stroke your back

massage your shoulders

just anywhere, yknow?

she needs that contact

(she might be a battle-hardened warrior, but she´ll turn into a huge sap softie for the right person)

she´s surprisingly sentimental too, afterwards

one might even call it poetic

"If my heart could still remember how to beat, it would race in your presence...my perfect little warrior."

Irina Denali

(I know that´s not from Twilight, but listen: I need me some gifs where Irina aka Maggie looks happy, pls and ty. 😭)

she´s big Mama

(yes, I´ll keep saying it because it´s important)

she finds your enthusiasm absolutely endearing

will giggle

hand covering her mouth and all

scrunching her nose

(she´s so precious)

unlike her sisters, she prefers a more private location

preferably in your shared bedroom

she might be convinced to do it just about anywhere in the house though, as long as it can be assured it´s free of prying eyes and ears

outside might work, but only if the area is rather secluded

(she´s a private person, aight? even more so when it comes to anything bedroom-related, like, excuse? it´s hard enough sharing you with her sisters, so she´s not gonna go and give some strangers a show that´s meant for her eyes alone-)

(...fine, and her sisters´)

(ugh)

vampires don´t get cramps or anything, but she still prefers lying down for it

it just makes the experience more intense for her because, despite being quite literally indestructible, she craves that vulnerability

it´s all about having someone you can bare your soul to, someone who gets you on a deep emotional level

she needs that connection to be able to fully let herself go

but when she does, oh boy-

she´ll make the sweetest sounds

whimpering, moaning, mewling - all of it rather high-pitched and shifting in volume, depending on how close she is

won´t stop running her fingers through your hair

will whisper sweet nothings

"My good girl...making me feel so good...I love you...so much."

will keep calling you her "good girl" all the way through because she loves seeing the effect it has on you

which affects her in return

which affects you in return

which affects-

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.

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Without further ado, onto the Village Ladies!

(Not sure if you were referring solely to the Dimi sisters? Anyhow, my thirsty ass added two more, hope you don´t mind. 🙃✌️)

Bela Dimitrescu

she´s a Momma´s girl

which means she's a mix between condescending and encouraging

(more condescending though)

will keep calling you her "little one"

she talks a lot actually

someone has to make sure you´re reminded of your place, after all

and of hers

(all that talking is more or less for her own ego tbh)

(she´s got a reputation to uphold, aight?)

(she´s more bark than bite, most of the time)

(except when she isn´t)

(that shit hurts like a bitch btw)

"Look at you, little one...d-down on your knees for me...as it s-should be..."

"You should count yourself l-lucky, little one...to be in a position d-desired by...many-" *proceeds to break into incoherent mumbling*

"S-Serve me well, little one, and I will...I will ask Mother to...k-keep you..."

(jokes on you, that was never a question)

you would never dare say it out loud (you rather enjoy living, tyvm), but the fact she´s such a tryhard will never not amuse you

it´s very obvious she´s trying to mimic her mother

trying to be all intimidating and shit

emphasis on trying

because she fails spectacularly at it

every time

she reminds you of a spitting kitten actually

(those claws hurt like a mf though)

Cassandra Dimitrescu

(I fucking love that shot. Look at that lazy ass bish. You just know she cba about pretty much anything.)

she´s a bit like Kate actually

minus the whole worshipping

which means she´ll pretty much curse the whole way through

also loves to dirty talk

"Fuck! Someone´s been practising, hm? F-Fucking the maids in secret, are you? Dirty little whore, of course you are...f-fuck! MORE!"

she´s loud

very

and proud

very

she loves letting the whole castle know just what the two of you are up to

especially because it annoys the heck outta her sisters

(especially Bela)

also has her sickle with her

always

(it´s her partner in crime, what did ya expect?)

she´ll use it as a way to ground herself

literally

sometimes, it misses you by a hair´s breadth when she goes about impaling the ground right next to you or the wall she´s leaning against

dw, she knows what she´s doing

...probably

listen-

there´s no way she´s gonna let such a dedicated little thing like you slip through her fingers

much less on accident

what a waste that would be

so I´d say you´re pretty safe

(for now)

Daniela Dimitrescu

she´s vibrating

literally

getting her to remain somewhat still is a struggle, lemme tell ya

she´s like a hyperactive puppy

and she chitters like a little birdie

sometimes, she´ll hiss like a spitting kitten too

with Dani, you got a whole farm in your bedroom, it has to be said

she´ll keep telling you how much she loves you

then she´ll switch to almost beheading you

accidently, ofc

she´s just so...excited, yknow?

and she has a rather tight grip on your hair indeed

oh wait, she´s back to telling you how much she loves you

...

it also becomes painfully clear to her that you haven´t said it back yet

"D-Don´t you love me?!"

...

"Mine, you´re mineminemineminemine-"

that´s her fav word btw

she´ll chant it like a mantra almost all the way through

sometimes, she´ll scream it too

"SAY THAT YOU´RE MINE!"

...

she´s back to telling you how she´s always dreamed of finding true love

all loving and tenderly

a stark contrast to the maniac who almost beheaded you only seconds ago

accidently, ofc

she loves you

"Y-You´re mine...my...my Princess Charming...aren´t you? J-Just like...in the books...yes? We shall have a...A SPRING WEDDING!"

...

ofc my love, whatever you say my love

(I luv u pls no kill)

Lady Alcina Dimitrescu

she´s Big Mama

literally

but also Scary Mama

literally

she´ll have them claws out just because

(mostly to intimidate you, let´s be real)

it makes her feel like the apex predator that she is as she reclines in that big chair of hers

it´s massive, really

(we still talking about the chair?)

one leg propped up as she´s being served like a true queen

as it should be

she´ll watch you with a mix of endearment and loftiness (much like in the gif)

dancing the tips of her claws along your back

or stroking them up and down

or running them through your hair when she´s having an extra soft moment

(those are rare)

her other hand is occupied holding a glass of wine

(duh)

swirling it occasionally

taking a sip here and there

in the meantime, she´ll be fantasizing about all the ways she could end your life

(shit turns dark rather quickly in this household)

a swipe of her hand would suffice...

it´s about power, aight?

thinking about the power she holds drives her wild

she also loves taunting you

"Sssuch a nimble little mouse..."

"Or perhaps...masochistic would be a more fitting term, hm? So eager to ssserve...a dragon..."

you won´t catch her moaning and whimpering like a mutt in heat

instead, she´ll draw out some of the syllables

or hiss

sometimes, she´ll pause in between words (probs the most apparent sign that what you´re doing is affecting her a lot more than she lets on)

when she´s getting closer, the occasional grunt might escape too

more like a growl, really

however, despite her aloof demeanor, she can´t deny that she finds your devotion most...charming

that´s probs why she keeps you around in the first place

cause we all know Big Mama likes getting her ego stroked

among other things

Mother Miranda

oh boy bird

she´s Birb Mama

feathers and all

she´s also crazy Mama

crazy eyes

crazy smile

yes, she does smile

occasionally

it´s more a smirk, tbh

she does so enjoy it when her devoted little followers show her just how devoted they are

she´ll wear them robes ofc

parted just enough to allow access

feathers poking out here and there

gotta be careful not to swallow one or smt

that´d be hella uncomfortable for sure

anyhow-

you´re in the church

(duh)

but the things going on there are far from holy

she´ll stand before you

more like you´ll kneel before her

as you should be

no hands

you ain´t touching none of that

divinity shall not be sullied by the likes of you

(...we´re not gonna talk about the fact you´re sullying her alright in this very moment)

just like Big Mama, she´ll taunt you

"Is this what you wish for in your prayers at night, hm?"

running her claws (aka her rings) through your hair

"Tell me, child...does this village harbor more corrupted souls such as yourself?"

grip getting tighter

and tighter

claws starting to dig in-

*hiss*

the sound of pain evokes a small chuckle

her grip loosens a smidge in response though

(see? she´s a huge softie :3)

"Perhaps I shall cleanse it, hm? Liberate it from its sinners... What do you think, little bird?"

it´s a rhetorical question ofc

(thank fuck)

Miranda does as Miranda damn well pleases

(the idea of Miranda threatening to erase a whole village while she´s being served is so real though)

she´s very composed, all things considered

("all things" being: you eating her out as if your life depends on it)

(I mean...)

it´s almost like she´s talking about the weather or smt, honestly

then she removes her rings

the only indication you´re nearing the grand finale

now she can actually hold on tight without having to worry about impaling your pretty head

very much so

shit hurts so good like hell

but it´s also a precaution

the thing is...Miranda might not be vocal about her feelings

but she doesn´t have to be

her transforming is all the confirmation you need

it´s her way of letting go, you could say

she won´t go all out though

just parts of herself

her fingers being one of them

(yall are familiar with her mutated form, right? them fingers be going on for days)

hence, the precaution

she has lost quite a few rings that way

she´s grown rather fond of the current set

it´s got black tips and all

🖤💅🏻

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Yall noticed how it got more unhinged as we progressed? The slow descent into madness was real with this one, LMAO. 💀

I could feel the obsession starting to creep back in with every word, lel. Dani might have just become my fav among the daughters. :3

Thanks a lot for your ask! I had a lot of fun with this one. 💋

[dudski]

So uhhhhh if you'd told me 24 hours ago that Liam, after being totally off the grid for six weeks, would fly to Uruguay to see Louis perform and walk around wearing Louis tour merch, I obviously would have assumed that would be a highlight of my year. That sounds like a fucking fever dream! I would not have been able to conceive of how it could disgust and anger me! But god it's so fucking gross to be like "allegations about to drop....time to hop on a plane and get Lilo trending" like FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF, DUDE!

Anyway. So much of my Liam journey took place here on Tumblr that it feels necessary to document the end of it as well. IT'S OVER, I HAVE NO SON, IT'S SO OVER WE WILL NEVER BE BACK, ETC ETC ETC.

[cinnasalmon]

→ Zevlor NSFW Alphabet

Various NSFW relationship headcanons, one letter at a time! Very long. Even longer than the SFW one. Sorry not sorry

SFW Alphabet here !

CAUTION: There is some dom/sub and kink talk. Nothing graphic, but JSYK.

→ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

The doting just doesn't stop with this man. No matter how rough the sex was, how feral he was, how much of a different side of him he showed, he will revert back to his usual affectionate self.

He will make for damn sure his partner his taken care of before he even thinks of sleeping—no matter now tired he is. He cannot fully rest until his partner or lover is relaxed. Water, a bath, extra cushions, blankets, massaging oil, etc. at the ready. 

God forbid he does fall asleep before they do, the entire next day is dedicated entirely to them, 100%, even if they state several times they're fine and he's got nothing to worry about. Doesn't matter to him, in his mind he needs to make up for lack of being a good partner.

→ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His self-esteem has seen better days, so he probably doesn't have a favorite body part of his own. I think if he had to choose, maybe abs or legs: they gotta be toned as hell, even at his age. Good job, Zevlor. You earned it. 👏

Favorite body part of his partner's though? Is “everything” an answer? Body worship extraordinaire over here. Whatever body part his partner doesn't like of their own, he'll love on it extra. They don't even need to verbally state they're self-conscious about it; he takes notes, and he knows. Next time, he'll spend plenty of time leaving slow, loving kisses on it and caressing it with a heated touch.

→ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Oh lordy this man has a lot of cum. Hah, maybe not as much as someone like Halsin, but the longer he goes without cumming the more cum his loads will have, obviously. But even otherwise, I still think he's got a fair bit. 

His taste isn't too distinct; it's pretty run-of-the-mill. But he has quite a bit and it is thicky and sticky, so if his partner is one to swallow, get ready. And if they don't swallow, well get ready, too. He'll be cumming everywhere and if he cums on their face? They better have their eyes shut tight that's all I'm saying lmao

→ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I've seen a couple of people mention a possible scent kink and I can't get it out of my mind. This man cannot get enough of his partner's smell; their pheromones drive him uh, fucking bonkers. Of course he enjoys it after a fresh wash, but when they're hot and sweaty? My goodness he's got a chub just from a whiff. And when their scent changes from becoming aroused? Insert boi-oing sound effect here ‘cause that's what's happening in them trousers.

Convince him to give some training, particularly outdoors for best effect, and watch as he becomes more… hands-on as time goes on. Wouldn't be hard to get him to tussle—a little play wrestling if you will—and he'll be tempted to fuck right there in the dirt. 

→ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

For sure knows what he's doing. He's got experience under his belt (hehe), it's just… been a while is all. 

Back in his heyday, Hellriders were the local authority and sought after as partners and lovers, so no shortage there. I'm not fixed on one set of headcanons for Zevlor's young soldier days, so whether he had a hoe phase or was committed to one partner the whole time, I do think he's had experience nonetheless. (However, I have been toying around the idea of a virgin/celibate Zevlor, but that's a whole other can of worms not particularly relevant right now)

Plus, he's a romantic, so even if he doesn't have much experience, his intuition and drive will translate well in the bedroom.

→ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

OH LORD. Anything where he can see their face. He likes seeing just how good he makes someone feel, just from his touch (and/or words 👀). It doesn't matter if he's dom or sub or top or bottom or what-the-fuck-ever—he gets so much pleasure from seeing his partner unravel. He's cum solely from getting his lovers off before, so that's nothing new, either.

Missionary is a given, but he also enjoys lotus. If he's riled up, mating press and the like is also on the menu. If he wants to show off his high strength and his partner fits the bill, he'll stand up, hold them by their ass, and bounce them on that thang. 

→ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I mean, he is pretty serious for the most part—he aims to please. But sometimes sex is weird! There's funny noises and cramps that happen sometimes. He's used to it, and he'll go with the flow. He just enjoys being intimate, no matter how awkward it can be. He may chuckle here and there, but he mainly feeds off of the energy of his lover. If they get embarrassed, he'll reassure them they shouldn't be ashamed of their own body and the weird noises it makes sometimes. 

And sometimes if a particularly contorting position spontaneously falls apart and they fall on top of each other, he'll make sure they're okay first and foremost, then have a laugh at the happenstance—it was worth a try!

→ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

This is quite influenced by my own bias/preferences as I'm borderline turned off by body hair, so please proceed with caution knowing that lmao

I personally don't see him as a hairy guy like, hardly at all. He keeps his face shaved (and has fairly dark stubble when it starts growing back) but otherwise his body hair is very fine and sparse. Mainly arms, legs, some hairs on his chest, a semblance of a happy trail, and a light bush that doesn't really grow enough to warrant much maintenance. 

Color-wise, very close to his sandy locks, perhaps a shade or two darker.

→ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Oh. My. Lord. He is a king and expert on intimacy; as I've stated numerous times before this man craves connection above all else. He is focused entirely on his partner and their pleasure, created and caused by himself. Sure he likes the little bit of ego boost from seeing his partner through to their climax just from his touch, but what matters most is they're safe and comfortable enough to be in such a headspace with him. 

→ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

So, this really depends. Before Elturel fell, it wasn't too terribly often, maybe a couple of times a week. 

But I think after the exile, he'll be too stressed to take care of himself. Howeverrr… if he pines after and crushes on someone, he'll realize just how pent up he is. He'll still try to be a gentleman and not frantically get himself off to the thought of their naked body rubbing against his, but eventually he'll cave and have an immediate and immense sense of relief… and feel like a total pervert.

Being in an established relationship, he doesn't really feel the need unless he or his partner is away for a few days or more for whatever reason. He misses their companionship, so his hand will have to suffice until they can be together again.

→ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

The most obvious is breeding kink. This man has always wanted a family but never let himself have one due to the expectations and stress of being a Hellrider. But if his partner begs him to breed them, regardless if they can physically bear child or not, he's going to snap.

And like I mentioned before, scent kink. 

→ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Not into exhibitionism; he likes the intimacy of privacy. He doesn't have to worry about prying eyes or ears. So, anywhere that is secluded, ideally at home or a room at an inn, but if the situation calls for it, “secluded” is the keyword here 😉

→ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Ummmmmm anything his partner does (jk…ish). But for real, body worship, y'all: make him feel wanted, loved, noticed, etc. His self-image can be in the pits sometimes, so love on him plenty, dote on him often; show him he is worthy, he is enough, and let him steer the reins if he wants to take it further. 

If you want to go from 0 to 100, the base of his tail is extremely sensitive. He could be holding back with a steel resolve, but consider that the feral button. A gentle touch will become a pointy grip. A relieving sigh rolls into a hungry snarl. Godspeed.

And honest to god, I think he would probably get turned on if he saw his crush or partner do something heroic or good (without expecting anything in return). Killing some threatening hyenas or goblins, breaking up a fight… shit, even helping an old lady pick up her spilled groceries. Whatever they're doing, he's in pure awe, and will jump on those bones at the opportunity.

→ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

(CAUTION: degradation, pain, humilation, and mindbreak)

As a dom = degradation or pain kink is going to be very dicey. He's devastated just by seeing his partner hurt, but if it’s caused by him? Girl bye. Even times when he gets a little carried away and feral and draws some blood with his scratches or bites can wrack him with guilt, no matter how much his partner reassures him they enjoyed it both in the moment and afterwards. So anything beyond that would probably be a hard no from him, but he'll be willing to hear their reasoning behind it and see if a compromise can be reached.

As a sub = my first thought is humiliation kink like, bordering mindbreak. I think he can handle some embarrassment, but humiliation where it's teetering the edge of mindbreak would be a no-no zone. Obviously from the events of Act 2, he doesn't take well to any threats to his psyche, and I'd wager that would extend to kink as well. But he's got immense mental fortitude—so he can handle some heat, if you're picking up what I'm putting down. 

→ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I'm a parrot when it comes to this but it's true—he is a man. of. service. And I'm not just talking in terms of a paladin.

He aims to please—especially his partner, like hello!!! Of course he loves receiving, but he wants to give more than he receives. That's his motto, baby. He gets pleasure from pleasing his partner, he could cum just from getting them off (and he has!)

And skill? Oh have no fear, he has experience, but it'll only take one, maybe two times before he knows his lover's sensitive points that sends shivers down their spine. He loves their taste, their arousal, just from his touch. He'll be an expert in his partner's body language in no time, he knows how to read them. They won't need to suggest or tell him to do anything.

→ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Oh oh oh he loves to go slow and sensual by far ! He wants to see every single thrust he makes unto his partner reveal on their face. 

And on the contrary, he loves it to be slow and sensual when he's on the receiving end, too. He wants to feel everything. 

Don't get me wrong, the also loves it rough both ways as well, but to feel the most connection with his lover/partner, slow and sensual is the way to go. Though sometimes he just wants to go hard and fast, feral as fuck, to breed and be bred. 

→ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As stated before, he likes his lovemaking like one cooks a stew—low and slow. He prefers to take his time, but boy howdy it would be mighty difficult for him to decline a quickie. More than capable of achieving it, especially if he's been teased beforehand. That way, by the time the clothes come off, he's already hard, baby! 

The best quickies are when he and/or his partner have somewhere to be soon, but they neeeeed to get it out now; he looks so good; they can't stop thinking about it; etc. until they're basically blocking the front door. He may huff and puff but secretly, he likes the game 😉

→ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Very open-minded, willing to try just about anything once. His partner's pleasure is his priority, so if they're super into something or want to experiment, he's all for it.

Not much of a risk taker nowadays, unless he knows it'll pay off (or if he thinks it's worth it). Many, many moons ago he would've been riskier, and every so often that side of him will come back out should the stars align. 

→ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

It depends. He's still got lots of endurance in him, but the whole ‘aging’ thing is creeping up on him. He can go a few rounds, but his refractory period is a bit longer now than it was 20+ years ago. 

But, get him riled up enough, and through sheer force of lust he might even be ready again before his partner is. 

He likes to cum at least once before stickin’ it in—giving or receiving—because he will last longer that way. Not that he would cum instantly, but it has happened before (cough the first time he and his partner had sex together cough)

→ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He may have a toy or two for penetrating himself, but largely he just gets himself off with his hand, especially after being exiled from Elturel. I don't think his toys were a priority to take with him. But hey, you never know. 

If his partner has a toy, he's willing to try it out if suggested to him, especially if the relationship is matured and could use some ‘newness’. He's very open-minded, especially if it's something his partner is already into.

→ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He isn't naturally a tease unless he gets riled up. Then at that point, it's payback, i.e. if his partner rubs their ass up against his groin in public, then best believe he'll be taking notes and um…. ‘review’ them later in the bedroom. 

It wouldn't be impossible for him to tease, though, he likes the cat-and-mouse game and likes to switch it up sometimes. His payback for teasing him earlier would probably be when his partner is tending to household chores. Especially something like cooking, where they can't just walk away from a roux they've spent the past 15 minutes continuously stirring.

→ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not very loud, but he does make more noise the more turned on and (at times) feral he is. If his lover is very vocal and loud, they won't hear him very well. 

Makes a lot of grunts, growls, anything guttural and throaty, really. Including—if the other party can get him to speak it—Infernal. He'll mutter some Infernal curses every so often, but to actually speak it? He has to be in a specific headspace.

→ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Following up from above, I like to headcanon the more Infernal he speaks, the more wild and unhinged he gets, and vice-versa. His “lizard brain” (fiendish brain?) tendencies come out and override his otherwise natural behaviors: goes hard and fast, chasing his own high, clawing, biting, tail thrashing around if it isn't already tightly coiled around a leg (or other body part 👀), etc. 

As a bonus I also have been thinking more of the headcanon that tieflings have succubus/incubus spittle (only when very aroused) and uh… yeah. Talk about a whole new layer of arousal and connection for our Hellrider. Hoo lordy /fans self

→ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's in fantastic shape. Being a military commander is one thing, but in a cavalry? Where one has to wield a weapon, shield, and/or flag while on horseback? Lord have mercy. He won't be ripped to shreds or jacked as hell, but his muscles are firm and well-toned. 

In addition, lots of scars. Even if much of the city guard stayed within city limits where crime was low and they didn't have to do much of anything, Zevlor always preferred to be out in Elturgard and fighting threats head-on. Because of this, he's got his fair share of past battles decorating his skin. 

→ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

So there's a whole lot of layers to that onion of a headcanon I don't want to get into here, but once he knows he has a partner or lover he can go to for sex, best believe he'll be taking them up on that. Pre- or post-exile, he'll have plenty of stress to let out. Sparring and training can only alleviate so much. 

But once he's in an established relationship, it's much more of a sharing-of-pleasure-and-uniting-as-one kind of thing. It means a lot to him to copulate with his partner. He strives for connection in all ways, and sex is certainly no exception.

→ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

I am so sorry you have to hear it from me but at his age? He's falling asleep immediately. Once he's had his fill (hehe), it's lights out quicker than you can say “That was amazing.” But! The more he's turned on, he'll go for more rounds obviously. Though once he's at his limit? Good night, see you in the morning. 

———

If you made it this far congrats! Also I encourage you to fill out this alphabet too, for Zevlor or whoever!

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat (everyone's alive so everyone is here, it's also extremely long)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive! chaos, kinda offensive (no offensive terms used)

Desc: this is how they joined toman btw wakui texted me and said this

Takemitchy: ok everyone's here now

Mikey: yeah we added everyone

Mikey: me and Mitchy made a groupchat that'll have all of us here so that we can all be friends. you cannot leave🙂

Izana: i want to call you a homophobic slur

Ran: unprovoked?

Baji: with Takemitchy and Mikey, it's always provoked

Rindou: aren't there actual gay people that you'll offend tho. i won't let the gays be offended by this

Rindou: Takashi don't worry i'll protect you bro

Mitsuya: great

Hakkai: leave him alone Ran😐

Ran: i didn't even do anything Hakkai leave me alone 😭

Takemitchy: only peace and love here guys

Smiley: bull fucking shit

Smiley: i will cause problems intentionally you fucknut

Angry: Smiley😡

Mochi: this isn't gonna work but okay

Smiley: shave off your eyebrows and start again

Mochi: they'll just grow back the same, motherfucker😐

Smiley: you didn't do that to look cool??

Mochi: no

Smiley: what side did you get them from?

Mochi: my moms?

Mochi: why does this matter

Smiley: she must be ugly as shit, damn

Senju: naur 💀

Mochi: i'm going to be violent with you

Smiley: come at me bro

Smiley: nvm you're 6'5 and built like a gorilla

Smiley: i'll accept my loss here

Mikey: i get so happy when i see you all like this

Baji: man stfu you always saying some weird shit

Baji: you and Takemitchy are weird and i'm on to you

Baji: always talking about how "the fruit of our labour has finally flourished"

Baji: weird

Mikey: i never said that wtf😭

Kakucho: Takemitchy did, he says it a lot

Takemitchy: uh do i? it's a lyric from a song that's stuck in my head lmao

Kakucho: you always say it while crying and looking at all of us you weirdo

Izana: this is why people used to be hanged for being gay

Mikey: can u leave him alone

Izana: i don't have to listen to you, i'm older

Mikey: ok, no pupils head ass

Izana: ok, no bitches head ass

Emma: stop fighting, I'll tell Shini-nii☹️

Izana: you're such a pick me Emma oh my god

Emma: i'm not, i only needed one man to pick me😚

Draken: 🙂

Emma: 😕

Draken: ...

Emma: 😒

Draken: 😑

Draken: fine

Draken: i love you Emma, my beautiful girlfriend and future wife❤

Emma: i love you too Kennyy omg😭❤❤❤

Senju: you just forced him to say that why r u so happy 💀

Yuzuha: why am i here

Takemitchy: we need a few responsible people who r scary

Yuzuha: but...nvm

Draken: why do you have fangirls following you

Yuzuha: idk i'm just pretty great

Draken: fair

Chifuyu: i wish i had fangirls

Kazutora: you're ugly

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: if y'all start again i'll ram a cactus down your throats

Chifuyu: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

Baji: Kazutora's troubled, stop provoking him. you make eye contact for too long

Baji: you know that agitates him

Kazutora: 😋

Mikey: why r u talking about him like he's a creature or smth

Baji: to some extent he is

Kazutora: hey

Chifuyu: but Baji-san he's doing this on purpose this is so unfair 😭

Draken: Kazutora stop using the mentally ill card

Kazutora: fine, jeez😒

Senju: it's great to have friends tbh

Sanzu: don't say that, it's embarassing

Shion: i still don't believe Sanzu's a dude

Shion: he's too pretty and petite like a girl idc

Shion: like you'll have to take your dick out and show it to me for me to believe me you

Rindou: yo?

Baji: 🤨

Mikey: dude...

Hakkai: can you ever behave

Chifuyu: c'mon man

Smiley: fucking Shion man

Izana: why did you speak

Shion: aren't we all equal here

Izana: who told you that

Shion: your brother, sir

Mucho: Shion stop talking

Shion: y'all switch up rq huh😒

Rindou: everyone shut up and pay attention to me

Mitsuya: i mean this genuinly, i hate it here

Rindou: you're a hater

Mitsuya: that's what i just-

Mitsuya: 😊

Rindou: ok now that Mitsuya's done whining i need help with my stage name

Angry: for what bestie

Rindou: DJing

Hakkai: i thought i was bestie but okay 😒

Angry: you're both bestie

Rindou: i thought I was bae tho lol

Angry: um 🙁

Rindou: i was joking you're ugly

Rindou: this is why your brother has bitches and you don't

Angry: why'd u get so triggered

Angry: and we have the same face😐

Rindou: it's different

Ran: shhhhh this is getting nowhere

Rindou: but my stage name

Smiley: stfu Ran you're a homosexual

Izana: i knew it 😟

Chifuyu: it's always violence with y'all damn

Mikey: OHHH THAT'S WHY U STAND LIKE THAT LMAO

Kakucho: i thought Ran was popular with the ladies

Angry: so which is it Ran? homo or hetero

Kazutora: 💀

Ran: whatever i feel that day

Ran: a hole is a hole after all

Mucho: can you not

Sanzu: 🤢

Rindou: he's lying to you he has no bitches

Rindou: all he does is sleep and do his hair

Ran: i never claimed to have bitches all i did was say i don't have a preference when it comes to gender or sex

Ran: why do people attack me for no reason i'm just sitting here being pretty

Mikey: two flamboyant bisexuals

Mikey: silly Koko and silly Ran

Koko: pls don't say that

Mikey: that you're silly?

Koko: uh, yes

Mikey: ok silly goose

Koko: 😐

Baji: i hate you all and wish i wish i was dead

Baji: i would rather stab myself to death than be here

Mikey: don't fucking say that Keisuke😐

Mikey: i don't find you funny

Mikey: why would you say that

Baji: damn chill what's wrong with you

Takemitchy: we shouldn't joke about death😐

Takemitchy: and let's remember that suicide isn't the only option

Takemitchy: there's always help❤👊

Baji: DO U GUYS SEE WHAT I MEAN

Baji: THEY'RE WEIRD

Inupi: suspicious

Senju: shut up pretty boy

Senju: you're absolutely gorgeous

Senju: that didn't come out the way i wanted it to

Inupi: ?

Sanzu: how did you want it to come out???

Kazutora: i mean he's not wrong he's so beautiful

Kazutora: not in a gay way tho like it just is what it is

Inupi: ...thank you, i guess

Kazutora: i wanna fuck him

Kazutora: idk what happened there, my bad

Chifuyu: chill out

Kazutora: you have a tiny dick

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: Kazutora c'mon man

Baji: i'm starting to think you're the problem

Kazutora: i'm just flirting

Kazutora: in a homie typa way if ykwim

Baji: i do not

Hanma: good morning my cockroaches

Smiley: fuck you

Hanma: it's a bdsm today💘

Hanma: we should go out and have a beach day and catch jellyfish so that they can sting us and we can pee on each other to stop the pain

Hanma: who ever gets peed on first loses haha

Mitsuya: who even let you in here

Smiley: you gotta go to jail for that

Smiley: he can't keep getting away with this

Draken: wait what did he mean when he said it's a bdsm day am i the only one who's concerned

Kisaki: he thinks it means beautiful day sunny morning

Draken: oh...ok

Mikey: ain't no way

Kazutora: i'll send you a link Hanma dw bro I got you

Kisaki: don't we're in public

Hanma: ohoho this is inhumane why are they doing that🤠

Kisaki: curse you, Kazutora

Kazutora: don't kink shame

Baji: please stop watching graphic porn

Kazutora: no one wants to have sex with me what else should i do

Chifuyu: it's cause of the way you act

Kazutora: let's go outside real quick

Chifuyu: i'm sick of you let's go

Emma: they are going to kiss

Senju: it's giving enemies to loves slow burn

Baji: it's all coming together

Smiley: stop normalizing gay people🙏

Mikey: homophobes get fired from Toman

Smiley: fine

Smiley: slay or whatever the fuck ❤🧡💛💚💜👁👅👁🏳️‍🌈

Yuzuha: feels like a hatecrime tbh

Yuzuha: anyway me and Hakkai r getting on the plane so our phones r gonna be off

Hakkai: see you soon Taka-chan 😊

Mitsuya: yeah stay safe🧡

Angry: what about the rest of us 🙁

Draken: kys Shiba's

Hakkai: huh???

Yuzuha: what'd we do even

Mitsuya: Draken? why'd u say that

Draken: what did I say??

Mikey: kys=kill yourself

Draken: no???

Draken: kys=keep yourself safe

Mikey: who told him that

Smiley: 😁

[bistaxx]

An annoyance I specifically have about qsmp tntduo fics is that they don’t even (usually) try to be like the qsmp versions of the characters. They have them act like dsmp, rivals that have a weird homoerotic tension. While in the qsmp, we’ve had Quackity being obsessed with Wilbur and Tallulah < and being convinced that Wilbur was the dad and tallulah was his kid. This is just the early stuff but it’s annoying how they pretend it’s qsmp when it’s clearly not.

(TNT MUTUALS SKIP THIS POST- SORRY ILY I PROMMY SRY! THIS ENDED UP TURNING INTO A RANT LMAO)

(Also none of this is my griping over what people are allowed to write or draw lol- i'm just bitching for my own sake LOL)

Yeah that's definitely a major part of my annoyance too, not helped by the fact that I also dislike /r c!tnt LOL- And I was actually interested in what q!Tnt as dynamic could've been but canon doesn't offer a whole lot to work with these days and fanon like you said either just makes them a poor man's rehash of c!tnt despite their q! counterparts being VERY different form those men or, like a mutual of mine brought up in their post, reduce q!Quack into this poor sad little wet cloth of a man that ONLY qWilbur could ever understand or fix because he's the ONLY man who actually cares about q!Quackity... just ignore Roier, and Etoiles, and Forever, and Baghera, and Cellbit, and Bagi, and- You get the point lol.

I think my last straw personally was seeing everything that Quack goes through be made to be about Wil- getting Tilin? Him and Wilbur can raise them together despite us knowing Luzu was the other parent! He loses his child? Dw he can raise Tallulah with Wilbur! Quackity's been kidnapped and replaced with Elq? Oh no! Onyl Wilbur will ever care or notice :( Just ignore that Jaiden witnessed this happen- Quackity is back, but his memories are gone and his mind severely messed with? Oh Wilbur will fix him- he'll teach him how to read and write and take care of him and they can be a family alongside Phil Tallulah and Chay! Quackity's been kidnapped again? Oh no only Wilbur will care Part 2 even though everyone quickly noticed Elq isn't Q! Quackity (and Phil) have weird tickets? This must be related to WILBUR somehow?! Quackity's DEAD?!? OH NO- WILBUR WILL BE SO SAD AND DEVASTATED! Quackity's back but extremely traumatized and broken after everything he's been though? He needs Wilbur to hug him and heal him :((((((((((((((-

And I wanna take a brief aside to complain about how people treat them and the eggs too- See I really like Quack and Pepito's dynamic, so I give into temptation and look on Twitter to find fanart of them... only to see them paired with Wilbur and Tallulah... with Quackity's OTHER CHILD Richas nowhere in sight! Because he just... doesn't matter I guess even though the two still care about each other a lot and still call each other father and son! Also the god damned disservice this stuff does for Talsy's character too- yeah she'd so be running over to hug Wil with her current growing resentment of him- but to know that'd require people to acknowledge her as more then just Wilbur's cute little daughter who exists only as an extension of him- SOMETHING SHE'S COMPLAINED ABOUT TO PHIL. But back to Quack...

Would you believe me if I told you people also did this shit during KARMALAND too- A SERIES THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE WILBUR PLAYING IN IT! That during the early days people were CONVINCED that k!Quackity was secretly an amnesiac c!Quackity and he was only drawn to k!Luzu because he reminds him c!Wilbur... yes people really fucking said that and god it made me so mad I won't lie 😭 People can headcanon whatever they want that's fine even if I don't gel with, the thing is it was just everywhere during the early Karmaland V days and people were doing to most to push it 'canon' cuz God forbid Q exist outside of Wil or c!tntduo in this Spanish server.

Listen- I never wanna be That Guy who DEMANDS people stop doing this or that- people can do whatever they want- I get missing a ship, I still miss Karmaland Luckity- I just wished people cared about q!Quack for q!Quack and not just tntduo. q!Quackity is a very flawed screw-up of a man with a big heart whose been through Hell and even though he wants to give up still chooses to keep on going for the sake of his new child- not to mention his mysterious connection to Elq and being forced to be a pawn to Oscurucho! He has a lot going for him outside of his celebrity crush! He has a lot of really good and complex bonds with other characters- he has a strong friendship with Etoiles, Forever tried to look out for him after Quackity lost his memories and Quackity in turn was visibly distressed when Forever went missing, HIS WHOLE THING WITH ROIER- LIKE- Quackity being a major part of the betrayal at the start of the server and Roier in turn ruining Quackity's reputation on the server in revenge but Quackity still tries to help Cellbit fix things with Roier during Festa Junina, Quackity admires the strength of Spiderbit's love to the point that it makes it reconsider his own view of what love is after his fake wedding with Wilbur's cardboard cutout, Roier still tried to help Quackity regain his memories when Quackity found Tilin's old diary, Roier is listed as one of the most important people to Quackity, during his hell coma in the maze portion there are photos of him and Roier everywhere, they even share custody of a child now- but no, Wilbur is the only one who gets or cares about Quackity, okay sure.

Anyway rant over- sorry anon I pretty much just used your ask as an excuse to vent about all my grievances I'm sorry 😭 People can send more anons about this if they want but I prolly won't answer- I don't like to bitch too much on this blog- this is the exception to that LOL I don't hate qWilbur either- I just don't care for q!tnt.

[pwnyta]

From someone who knows basically nothing about Baldurs Gate......

Imma give my UNSOLICITED OPINIONS.

Karlach is the most consistent with her style. She looks great in everything. Shes also the hottest overall (no pun intended). Her personality is one of the cutest and the fact she doesnt seem to get that good of an ending is UH... CRIMINAL.

Best ship- ...//covers face and mumbles... I really like her relationship with the player... this is so unfortunate... but its so cute. I love her. (I know theres a couple endings where you can kill her. Those dont exist or Im calling the cops.)

Base model MEH, Camp model VERY cute, Panties.... ITS A CHOICE BUT ONE I BUY THAT HE'D MAKE FROM WHAT I KNOW ABOUT HIM. Also I dont believe for a MINUTE this man got a six pack why are you lying directly to my face... He reminds me of Dr Frank, I love his voice, I would never be able to deny him anything because hes really funny and I just wanna see him go crazy.

Best ship- Astarion/Wyll... I just saw a video of Star being SO into Wyll it was hilarious. 'Honestly that MAN~' Someone get him a Thirst-aid kit.

The sheer driplessness of this man needs to be studied by SCIENTISTS. But his panties are pretty cute. I do like his face/hair... but the man cant dress himself. ...Look on paper Gale is everything. His sweetness and earnestness is very charming but GOD... hes so cringe sometimes. GOOFY FUCK.

Best ship- ... Probably Wyll? I mean you can just slot Wyll in anywhere cuz hes so charming and he and Gale are such cornballs itd be insufferable.

Laezel takes second place right behind my bbg Karlach. Her base model is a little weird looking the metal looks weird but it still looks pretty cool. Her camp model is super hot, I never would have expected those panties TBH... why dont the men get fun panties. This is a crime. Anyways 9/10 Zel! Congrats. IDK if I like her or the memes with her. her VA did that ducks in a row video and its so funny and I cant ever be mad at her no matter what she wanted to do.

Best ship- .....I mean aesthetically Karlach? For shallow reasons... idk what their relationship is like.

...Look I know shes super popular but.... Look her camp model is pretty great but Her hair is hideous. I can get over Gales absolute driplessness cus hes still handsome... what is this hair... GIRL. The panties are a choice too... but after Karlach and Zel she really had little chance. Least theyre better than the guys.

Best ship- //shrugs I have no attachment to this woman LMAO

Base model? Kinda boring but not terrible. Camp model? One of the best... the cute little peekaboo belly. I hope someone bites him. BUT THE PANTIES??? Girl. Youre lucky youre so handsome. The horns and crazy eyes elevate him... just putting that out there. Like Gale... on paper Wyll is so perfect but HES SO EMBARRASSINGLY EARNEST. The problem is probably just the style of the game... if it was less uncanny realism and more stylized maybe I wouldnt be as cringed out LMAO. Youre so damn cute Wyll... Im sorry.

Best ship- Astarion is funny but hes such a menace... I think Wyll deserves better. HALSIN/Wyll.

Halsin somehow does the earnest lover thing way better than Gale or Wyll... but hes almost as bad as Gale when it comes to dressing himself. Who let this man dress himself? Hes hot though. It makes up for it. I cant believe BG3 let this beefy elf exist... Im so used to young looking scrawny pasty elves (eyes emoji).

Best ship- Like Wyll you can just put him anywhere.... but WYLL. Theyd just be so cute. Halsin could definitely dull the sheer earnestness to tolerable levels probably.

This lady I know almost nothing about except shes kinda rancid.... but at least shes kinda hot and also can dress decently.

Best ship- ...//shrugs

The fact shes not romanceable makes BG unplayable. Her face and hair is gorgeous, her clothes get a MEH from me... maybe if the colors were more muted?

Best ship- ...//shrugs

Hes fine.

Best ship- ...//shrugs

?

I know the Emperor has some part in this too... and hes hot. So...

Overall-

The difference between S tier and A tier.. isnt that different. I really like those 3 freaks.

At first Wyll & Halsin were these too but... they grew on me & I cant blame them for their faults. Its not Halsins fault you can traumatize a squirrel... its not Wylls fault the realistic style combined with his cheesy romantic bullshit embarrasses me...

I couldnt even get through Dream Daddys.... and I love that game.

I can forgive Wyll.

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

Anyway. Some observations.

God I love this theme

Apparently Ghirahim knew of Link and was hoping the tornado would kill him

Ghirahim calls Zelda Her Majesty

Link, despite knowing at this point that Ghirahim is hostile, HAS NOT DRAWN HIS SWORD,

Bitch (affectionate)

Link finally draws his sword after Ghirahim introduces himself- apparently hoping Link would die is fine, but mentioning he's a demon? Oh no

Is that a chain on his cape? That looks like a chain

The screen started shaking a bit a while ago but here's where it gets real bad, when Ghirahim mentions Impa

Dramatic bitch (affectionate)

His teleporting is kind of cool, actually

"Appetite for bloodshed" He licks his sword during the fight so... that was literal, I guess

He sneaks up behind Link and that's just. It's so damn funny. Why did you get in his face like that

Also yeah that's. That's just a chain. On his cape. Bro what.

Ghirahim: I'm a lord so it's not right for me to flat out murder you :) I can however beat you senseless :)

Seriously why is Link just letting him stand so close like that Ghirahim is not holding a weapon or anything

Actually how much taller is Ghirahim? He's leaning over a bit, he's like six inches taller at the most?

He wiggles his fingers, kinda like he's about to draw a weapon (he does not)

Cape on, time for a monologue. Cape off, time for an ass kicking

Why does he walk like that

WHY DOES HE HAVE ABS

His fists are clenched when Link doesn't have his sword drawn

He backhand SLAPS YOU

He actually gives Link advice lol

When he manages to grab Link's sword, he swings it if you stay close and then THROWS IT

He'll also head for it instead of towards you if you don't pick it up

Link rolls to pick it up and Ghirahim will sometimes teleports away as soon as he does

You can parry and knock it out of his hand

His jump backwards is so weird I love it. Why did you do it like that tho

If you just stand there with your sword drawn and don't try to attack, he will flip his hair a bit with his other hand (bastard (affectionate))

No matter how close your sword gets, he won't grab it. You have to attack

Also uh if you stand there too long he uh. He slaps you. I know because I just stood there too long (his patience seems to run out at three or four hair flips)

You cannot force him to go backwards

There's some sort of shield around him that makes Skyward Strikes unable to hit him

There are the same slits on the back of his pants? Not sure if I've ever noticed that before

Ok he's not licking the sword no matter how many times he hits Link :(

When you parry his attacks, he seems to adjust his grip on his sword a bit?

He twirls the sword just a bit after hitting Link with the running attack (which seems to his favorite)

Uh anyway my shield just broke. So. No more fun battle observations :(

It's REALLY HARD to backflip away from the running attack

He calls Link soft lmao

Also he very briefly seems to clutch his face after the final attack?

That sword is the only reason I still live? No, it's my MAD PARRYING SKILLS

(Why can't I parry like this in botw...)

Ghirahim's sword is very cool honestly

Teasing and toying? Bro I just spent half an hour on a fight I could've finished in five minutes. I was toying with you

Huh. It's not Skychild, its just sky child. (Why did I think it was the first one?)

Dramatic fucking exit lmao

Anyway to conclude. I spent too much time on that BUT. at least I have something to use in my fic now?

[alohaasaloevera]

PART 2 TO MY CHRONIC NOSEBLEEDING LANCE!! MORE BACKSTORY LMAO

(THIS WAS NOT BETA’D I WILL CHECK IN THE MORNING)

(For @is-this-anxiety, who couldn’t mentally handle the first part.)

Part 1

—

“I am completely fine with Keith and James being together!” Which is obviously a lie, but anyways, “But I am Keith’s rival! It’s Keith and Lance, neck and neck, not James and Keith, neck and neck!”

“Calm down buddy,” Hunk sighs, instantly regretting his choice of telling him the gossip, “I’m sure they’re just ignoring all the unwanted attention they’ve been getting recently. I’m pretty sure the rivalry doesn’t even matter to both of them.”

Lance’s heart breaks into at the implication (ok, it wasn’t really implied, but still!) that the rivalry he had with Keith was nothing more than a one-sided desperate attempt for the other to notice him—which, kinda actually was.

“But,” he still tries to reason, because his mamá didn’t raise no quitter, “Rivals don’t kiss each other!”

“That didn’t stop you.”

Shit. He’s got a good point.

“Whatever. I’m leaving.” He says, ripping off the non-existent blanket on top of him and pouting like the totally mature 22-year old he is. “I promised mamá I’d work on the farm.”

“She was actually the one who insisted you stay in here for a day or two! The Garrison was pissed, since they needed you to come to work this week for whatever reason.” Hunk grimaces, “Iverson needed to have a talk with you.”

Lance immediately (but lightly) cannonballs back into the bed, groaning as the reality of staying here for more than an hour sinks in. “Did anyone else come?”

“Everyone else was busy,” Hunk states flatly, “But I did hear that Keith actually came here a few hours ago.”

“Well, of course he did. He was one of the closest to me when I passed out, so he probably took me here.”

“Lance, you’ve been knocked out for like a day. I also heard that he looked very, and I mean very worried, so worried that he literally slammed the doors open when he entered.”

Welp. Now he’s going to go down a rabbit hole of wondering why Keith decided to come here, especially since they haven’t been talking as much recently.

“He’s probably just sad he doesn’t have good ol’ Lancey here to fall asleep with,” He jokes, before instantly shutting his mouth.

“And what do you exactly mean by that?”

—

Keith presses Lance’s contact and calls him. Said man is downstairs, but asking what he wants through call will be a million times less embarrassing than if he did ask face to face.

His phone rings two times before Lance answers, “Keith? What’s wrong?”

“Can you… talk about your day?”

“Why? Is there anything wrong? Are you dying? Oh god, I haven’t even taken you to see my family in Varadero—” He hears papers being pushed away and the sound of a pen clicking frantically, before Lance screams, “How much time do you think you have? It’s awfully sweet, I must say, that your last dying wish is to hear me ramble! It has been an honor to—”

“No, Lance. I’m not dying. I just… miss your voice.” And damn, if he’d be lying if he says he doesn’t want to suffocate himself with his pillow right then and there.

“…Really?” Lance says, a hint of skepticism in his voice.

“Really.” Keith confirms.

“Ok, but why do you want me to talk about my day? That’ll take like… a bagillion hours.”

“Because—” Keith stops for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should tell Lance about what he wants. He thinks about how Lance will probably laugh at him for even suggesting it, but then he remembers how caring Lance actually is, and the most he’ll do is awkwardly laugh and end the conversation. “Because I plan to fall asleep to your voice. It’s calming.”

There’s silence for a good while, and just when Keith starts to think this might have been a bad idea, Lance responds with: “So.. basically you want me to read you a little bedtime story? Does poor wittle Keithykins want Papa Lance to kiss him goodnight as well?”

Fuck. “Ok, I get it, just—”

“No! It’s ok really, I don’t mind!

Keith’s expression of pure embarrassment turns into shock, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah! I actually have been dying to tell someone what happened at the farm today—my mamá was pissed!” Lance chuckles softly, and boy, does Keith have to muster up all his energy not to collapse then and there. “Is it ok if I go upstairs? It’d be awkward if someone came in here and asked “who are you talking to?”, and I’d have to say “I’m talking to Keith! He’s actually upstairs right now.”, you know?”

“O-ok. Sure.” He cringes momentarily when his voice cracks.

Keith instantly hears footsteps getting louder and louder as Lance scales the stairs, before plopping onto his bed with vigor. “Now,” Lance exclaims, squirming under the blankets, “Let the story begin!”

He did not expect Lance to actually come here. He definitely did not expect Lance to lay down with him. He turns around to face Lance, who is taking a deep breath, “So.”

“First of all, I’m working on the field, right? So we sell Juniberries all year. This one girl is with her mother, and she really wants some. Her mother says no. So she throws a tantrum in the middle of the line.” Lance groans, toying with the corner of the blanket. “And that’s not even the worst part! I politely tell the mother that she can have a bouquet, free of charge. And you know what this bitch says?” His voice lowers; disgust practically reeks from his body, “That she wouldn’t buy anything associated with Voltron, because they support, and have a Galran on their team.”

Keith is no longer half-asleep, fully interested in the story, “And what did your mom do?”

“Oh, you won’t believe this! My mom, y’know, the mom who has literally been described as a person who could kill people with her kindness, starts to cuss her the fuck out!” Lance is elated as he starts to recount his mom’s word for word bashing, the Spanish rolling off of his tongue rapidly.

“Mhm.”

“Wait! You aren’t even falling asleep!” Lance pouts, as if he had done all of that for nothing (which is partly true, but he did entertain Keith).

“Alright,” Keith snorts, rolling his eyes, “I’ll—”

“Nope!” Lance flat out ignores Keith’s attempt to go to sleep as he wraps an arm around the smaller’s middle and pulls him flush against his chest. “You are staying here from now on!”

Keith is grateful that Lance can’t see how much he’s blushing as he musters a measly “ok”.

As the story progresses, Lance begins to talk in Spanish again, this time his tone more relaxed in what seems to be a comforting manner, and that’s when Keith starts to feel drowsy. He practically melts into the mattress as Lance recounts his time playing as a Voltron Paladin with his niece and nephew, Nadia and Silvio. He smiles as he hears the story of the stray cat Lance encounters on the street on the way back home, frowning when Lance starts to note how similar he was to the fellow.

Keith barely hides his laugh when Lance tells about how frustrated he was when he looked in the fridge and the last microwaveable pizza was gone. The one Keith ate just a few hours ago.

When Lance notices that Keith’s breaths have slowed down and become more even, he thinks Keith is finally asleep. Instead of sneakily maneuvering out of bed (an art which he has mastered when cuddling his family), he makes his grip on Keith tighter, and since he feels bold today, he gives the lightest peck on Keith’s forehead.

What Lance doesn’t know, is that Keith was not asleep, and that he felt every single thing Lance had just done. Times ten.

God, Keith was so whipped for this man.

—

“Welp,” Hunk croaks, stifling a laugh, “That was a lot to take in.”

“I knowwwwww,” Lance whines, sighing in the most dramatic way possible, dragging out that last part for a few seconds.

“Now, we do know one thing for sure,” Hunk types frantically on his phone, probably texting Pidge about how pathetic Lance is. He can’t seem to care though.

“What is it?” Surely, nothing Hunk can say will be worse than James and—

“You are so gone for him. Like OceanGate 2023 gone.”

“Hunk! Not cool, bro.”

“Sorry!”

—-

(I’M FINALLY DONE!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY EYES)

[pirdmystery]

sylvain jose gautier for the ask game

oiuhgggghhhggggggggggg…

first impression: it is important to note that i literally got into 3h because i knew it as “that game with sylvain in it.” i didn’t even know what to expect from him other than that. so when dimitri introduces him as “a bit of a skirt chaser” or whatever i’m like lol ok?? what??

impression now: if anyone is interested… go through my sylvain tags to get a feel for this. i’ve been spiraling lately. suffice to say i am SO sick about him like more and more every day. christ alive talk about a guy with problems. the way he is so smart and so soft but he is absolutely determined not to let anyone know either of those things… noooo I’m actually just a wacky little guy don’t worry about me… i’m just the comic relief… doing fine… yeah i know i said “burn until we meet again” and “see you in hell i guess” but that’s just because I’m being soooooo funny and normal… i’ve also never cried in my life btw…

fav moment: there are so many blink and you miss it unhinged sylvain moments in this damn game. i’ve talked about it recently but the fact. that if he does badly on a lesson and you pick console instead of critique he gets really bitchy and pissed off. like jesus christ. sorry for trying to extend you some gentleness buddy will not make that mistake again.

also let’s take a moment to recognize the iconic “it killed my brother and now it’s mine.” certified sylvain moment

idea for a story: i have billions. i never stop emotionally tormenting this man. got a 20 years post cf angstfest about he and felix coming. beyond that i am obsessed with the prospect of a sylvain/mercedes/ingrid ot3 and someday i am going write a fic with them that isn’t just the extensive smut that currently exists in my google docs

fav relationship: i have got to go with ingrid. i do very much ship sylgrid romantically and they make me sooooooooo unwell but even if i didn’t their friendship is just so important to me in a way i really struggle to put words to. the way they understand each other perfectly but that makes it almost harder for them to get through to each other because of all the layers of bullshit they have built up around the true version of themselves that the other sees. they bump heads a lot but the way it’s so obvious that under whatever they might be clashing about and the baggage of their years of friendship there is this foundation of unconditional love that is not going anywhere no matter what oh god suddenly i cant see the screen and there’s something happening to my eyes oh god

a fun thing about sylvain is that i could write equally unhinged paragraphs about his relationships with mercedes and dorothea!! something about girls he would normally flirt with and their response is :) hey i see you btw! and sylvain is forced to crumble like a little baby. i cannot get enough of that shit. get seen idiot. i’ve also been known to enjoy some yurivain and dimivain and claudevain for not dissimilar reasons.

unpopular opinion: once again idk what is popular!! i feel like my shipping tastes with him are not the most popular but everyone is nice to me when i talk about them so. it’s all good

favorite headcanon: most bisexual man on the planet. i also love making him work service jobs lmao. he works at subway in my sylgrid fic but there are so many other things i want to subject him to. he should have to sing happy birthday to people at applebees. he should be a barista at a shitty coffee shop. mostly this is because it’s funny but i also think would be deeply in character for sylvain to plant himself somewhere far below his skill level and languish there as if there were nothing else he could do about it.

tysm for letting me go off about him… man. sylvain.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

How much property damage has everyone done?

Hmm

Well Freddy has done the least that's for sure. He did a fair bit in his first few years just like Monty but as newbies in a brand new building that's to be expected. Of course in his initial time he also had to learn some rules the hard way even if they're hardwired into his brain so yeah he's done a bit.

Sunny hasn't done a great deal of it either and any that he does cause is cleaned up fairly quick. If it can't be fixed, it's either hidden, or balanced in such a way that it looks fine until someone nudges it or a breeze hits it or something. Honestly, being dropped into the daycare role has gotta be frustrating so if he's ever intentionally broken shit thats probably when it was done.

Moon has done a fair amount. Again though, it was mostly after they were moved from the theatre to the daycare. He misses when they could play with the kids and not just be there to help them sleep, and believe it or not, he misses the kids booing loudly when he came on stage as the villain. Their patience is only so good, its fair enough that a few staffbots have met their demise to them. Never in front of the kids though.

Like Freddy, Bonnie's only really caused property damage in his first year or so of being introduced. He's very rarely a culprit of it and when he is, it's mostly intentional sabotage of some gadget or another. He's less of a breaker and more of a 'cause an inconvenience' kind of property damage guy. He feels it makes more of a statement.

Foxy is fucking notorious. He would be the reason there's no windows to the outside world in the Plex if he could be. He's the kind of accidental damage in every game he's ever played. It mostly ends in the odd couple of toys and screens being broken from a stray ball or something but if you count him being clutzy and breaking random thingamajigs in his endo as property damage then yeah he's done a hell of a lot lmao

Monty has done a shit load. After the first few years, he started containing that anger and rage to his room for the most part so most property damage is in there. There's so much spare Monty themed shit for his room in storage on standby. The contained nature of it limits it a lot, but god damn has he gotten better at obliterating his room in a matter of seconds.

DJ has done... a bit. Mostly in his first few years as well with knocked over arcade cabinets and broken cleaning supplies (given he's canonically designed as a janitor as well). It's entirely accidental with him though. He struck out one time and learned that he's way too strong to be doing that shit and has dealt with his emotions in different ways instead. He only really wanted to try the whole 'break something' strategy anyway so he's fine with not being able to now. Once he's used to the place, property damage is very rare.

Chica's first five years were god awful. She's calmed down a lot, sure, but she was so fucking bad for it. Literally no shits given. If any staffbot got between her and food, that was it. She would break things to send a message and to make a point, not really out of much anger unless it's at a specific person. Her aggression is typically aimed at attractions and areas that aren't hers, but um. Not always. She's way better about that stuff now though. She's grown.

Roxy is of course, the worst for consistent property damage. Like Monty, she's highly destructive and like how Chica used to be, it's not contained to any one place. She tends to stray away from destroying attractions given the state of her own but has destroyed the Cupcake Factory before. Staffbots are her favourite targets. They're great stress relief and they're fucking everywhere in her territory always bumping into her and watching her and sounding alarms over the Minis and she fucking hates them. AND they test the track with those things! How come they get to race when she can't?? Fuck those guys! She's the reason they have the first update ever in six years and all it does is modify their pathfinding AI to avoid her specifically.

The Minis have done very minor property damage. They are friendshaped. Their damage is their display case and vent coverings.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I can't believe Neil talking through the bathroomdoor got a little giggle out of me. After we've been through so much.

"no I'm sad" me too, buddy, me too.

Hell yes. That's what we need some fucking girl sex talk. Smth a little light, a palet cleanser.

Oh wow Neil and Britta talking about the kidnapping. 👀👀👀

Wait does Neil not get that she wanted to save him? Or does he not get she did ALL THAT to save him? Two very different things.

Britta finally really talking about all her feelings and experiences during the kidnapping.

And Neil talking about his feelings too. 😭

The quiet "well..." from Neil when Wynn says Britta's feelings for pendragon aren't wrong. 😂

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil why don't you tell them how you really feel about Pendragon.

Lmao are Wynn and Neil like some devil and angel on Britta's shoulder rn.

Johnny opening the door for Miles! 👀👀

Ohhhh bearded kindred. Intriguing. 👀

Oh wow toreador justicar, who is the cruellest of them all. Pretty in the way that a praying mantiss is. Yikes.

Idk if hand holding is comforting.

"I hear that you (Miles) don't have a lot of time, anymore." I'm sorry but subteefuge cannot be one of her main skills. 😂 So obvious.

Oh no. Ventrue call their sire's sire Grand sire? Lmaoooooo why is that the whitest thing they could ever do??? Goddamn you should all be wearing fucking powdered wigs!

Wowowowowow we're not gonna explain this weird disappearing needle gift???? I don't trust it.

Omg they're crushing Pieterzoon's skull right there!!!

And now we're back in therapy?? Goddamn.

Fuck Britta, I love you, but girl you need some goddamn therapy! Like damn girl, you have self worth issues.

Fuck me, I know I have said this before but I need Wynn to be my mom.

"What if I like him, because I'm like him.".... Just mouth open. Girrrrrrrrrrlll.

Wynn using her degree in psychology once again.

I guess this is also a little bit of therapy for Neil, as in that he at least vocalise it.

Neil really succinctly summed up the slippery slope of any abusive relationship. How they draw you in, and slowly change you and isolate you from everyone and they start asking things of you and at first you think it's fine, but it becomes more and more and at a certain point you think you might not want to do it but you alrwady did so much else and you don't want them to leave/hurt you so you keep doing it because it feels like there is no other choice.

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil just so practical, steamrolling this poor girl! 😂

Them talking about bad feeding.

Yeah right. Neil going to see Nara? I'll believe it when I see it. Consider me distrustful. e.e

Neil does not like Pendragon lol. And he's not shy about it.

Aw Britta, you need a hug, and therapy.

Fuck, we're back with Miles. Damn holy fuck. Oh god! 1 success due to willpower! Wooooh

Johnny's got Miles's back. 🥰

Ugh. Hardestadt is the worst. I hate him.

Yes!!! Lucita! 😂 What???? Kabir???? Weathers???? Amaya??? And Xavier??? Lmaooo! This is insane, but it makes me crazy happy!

Yes Kabir kiss her and make her feel connection!

NOOOOOO they cannot go fight yet. 😭😭 I needed more talking, more hugging!!

Weathers 😭😭😭😭 not wanting to take Johnny's car. He's such a good man.

Daaaamn they thought Miles just wanted them to grab the glowing ashes??? It's good to know that Miles stopped him though.

Oh my God! Pendragon lied for Johnny and the coterie!!! Intrigue!

Wynn caring about Neil's fanny pack. 😭

I REALLY like Amaya, she's a delight. (also I am still feeling vindicated about the fact that she was sometimes called Amara and that I wasn't just crazy for writing that down in some liveblogs).

Britta and Pendragon. 👀👀👀

"Speak" RUDE!

"It doesn't matter." (about kissing breaking the ritual) Okay that's pretty damn hot.

"I'll see you after." damn that must be hard to hear when you're convinced that person is going to die.

[msfbgraves]

Daniel wasn’t educated to be a broodmare, but does he lowkey feel like that sometimes, especially having so many kids in such quick succession? I mean, he hardly has the pup and then Terry puts another in him. The man is obsessed with breeding him, it almost seems. And I definitely feel that if Daniel had green lit the idea, Terry would have very happily given him 20 or so pups. (I exaggerate lol.)

It still blows my mind that omega/omega is not socially acceptable even if it’s a male omega/female omega. They can still have puppies!! That’s what this society loves, puppies!! 

omega/omega/Alpha comes off as the Alpha being a lucky bastard lol. Alpha/Alpha/omega reminds me of Terry/Amanda/Daniel in another AU lol. Which I fully support lmao.

Anthony is such a socialite bitch haha. Love that for him. And I am here for Tory/Sam, though it would break Daniel’s traditional heart. Terry, I think, would be fine with it, especially as Tory is John’s, and John’s his best buddy.

Every society in the world, Nonnie, has ideological customs that do not make a lick of sense, or have long stopped making sense. So yes, this society does love puppies, but has decided that since Christ is the embodiment of the Alpha and the omega, the holiest union is of Alpha and omega - which means omegas 'belong' to Alphas. Is that how people behave? No! Is that what is best for the wellbeing of the entire group? Nyet! Is it absolutely necessary? What, now? With decidedly fewer rampaging rhinos to jump in front of? Mais non! Is the Catholic Church a powerful institution? Certo! There's no reason omega/omega couldn't work in the 1930's and beyond. It's just that Alphas are extremely good at getting their way, and boy howdy, do they want to get their knot stuck. With God backing them up on that.... imagine if not only one, but two omegas got off the marriage market to happily raise puppies by themselves? Catastrophe, there's only one omega for every two Alphas as it is, that means with an omega couple four Alphas go omegaless, and there's only so many beta women too. Fine, Alphas do tend to die younger, but that would still lead to metrics that would leave some Alphas in the cold and that CANNOT happen. Even when two omegas are almost certain to have an omega pup, so in the mid to long run it would actually lead to MORE omegas, you Alpha dickheads, Alphas can barely stay alive long enough to reach 18 before dying from recklessness, they cannot wait that long. Also some omegas don't feel like putting up with their demands - you can't have them think they have like, a say in the matter, they might well say no!

Oh, yes, Alpha/Alpha/omega does happen, as well as Alpha/beta/omega (which mostly happens to omega women, sigh.) But those are not recognised unions. Omega/omega/Alpha usually are polygamous unions; concubine like situations. Without genetic testing, who was to say that an omega baby not simply resembled their mother and not their Alpha father? So some children of the Chinese emperor are only the offspring of their concubines but so what? Imperial omegas are a goldmine on the arranged marriage market. They can't rule anyway.

Anthony is going to rule Conneticut, Milan, Paris, or wherever he ends up. He'll give entirely new meaning to the phrase "killer eyeliner", mark my words.

Terry is actually the more traditional one, Nonnie! Daniel simply happened to slot into a role in society that both suits him and his society approves of. But he'd have eloped with Kumiko in a heartbeat, rules be damned! He sees what is happening with Sam and Tory, sees his beloved girl get tangled up in a doomed love that she doesn't even know is one, while Terry and John watch them go at it with a look of two proud fathers seeing nothing but their Alpha pups testing their strength against each other... But Daniel won't tell Terry what he thinks is going on, he'll let it run its course, because Terry would stop it and he doesn't want that for his darling. Terry is the one who tried to desperately find a beta girl because he thought there was no other option in life if a boy omega was unattainable.

No, Daniel is not some model omega because he thinks God demands that from him, he's simply comfortable.

Also, for your first question - it's betas who can get pregnant from every casual quickie. Suppose you don't want kids, your husband doesn't want kids but he does want a quick orgasm and if that knocks you up it's a risk he's willing to take! Daniel can't really get pregnant outside of heats - he could if he became attuned to a beta mate, or indeed an omega mate for a long time, but he's all Alpha mode. [I really am making this up as I go, there is so little established omega/beta worldbuilding]. So, if Terry knocks him up, that's because his body, his mental state, everything, is ready for it. And he loves being pregnant as much as Terry loves breeding him! A pup in his arms, two at his side and one under his heart, gah, it's a high for him. He's told Terry himself that after Anthony, he felt a strange loneliness at not being pregnant! Still, after the two youngest, he's sat heats out rather than get pregnant again. Nine's enough. He needs to be there for when Anthony starts his army of pups, because that boy is dying for them.

[twilightofthe]

okay i put all my cranky thoughts into a separate post that's now drafted and it made me feel better so i'll be able to watch this episode now lol but if it gets me worked up again i'm posting the rant i'm sorry i cannot be helped or changed or saved <3

ANYWAY AHSOKA EP 2

also i forgot to say so last episode but kevin kiner my ABSOLUTE BELOVED the return of the king is real so happy to have you here my dude the ending and full theme was absolutely gorgeous

anywayyyyyy so i am guessing sabine did not make like satine and survived her shish kabobing

well there's ahsoka

oh yeah there's bean she's fine she'll be fine xD

damn filoni really gave more handwaving to having a character survive a major impalement vs me twisting myself into fucking knots writing anakin getting run through lmao

ahsoka sorry but actually i'm gonna blame u for this you still kinda seem like a mess and i don't think you were a very good teacher to sabine and now ur dropping back in on her when she's convenient to you?

well at least we know why she's so adamant against training baby yoda lol

ope here's goth girl and the fuuuuck is his NAME again i keep calling him fucking bryan

i like the fancy sithy-looking sundial tho

pfff second ep is "toil and trouble" guess we're getting witchy!

OH YEAH WAS SABINE'S KITTY OKAY

THEY BETTER BE OKAY

I SWEAR TO GOD

yea ahsoka what happened to showing up in the nick of time and saving kanan and ezra from inquisitors in rebels u were slowwww girlie

OK GOOD THE CAT IS OKAY

that's all that matters

ope one more droid hanging around ezra's place

GIRL UR SITTING UP ALREADY?!

GIRL HOW CAN U BREATHE

we do love the mechanic girl of my heart

sabine does love her explosions

no huyang hera just likes explosions

sabine works best under explosive pressure we LOVE HER

ope back to corellia i guess? we can reuse the old solo sets?

sabine

you were just

impaled

"but she's not the one who needs to hear it right now" ahhh there's the sabine and hera dialogue. ugh but i'm still not used to natasha and mary i can just hear tiya and vanessa doing it instead :(

WHY DO Y'ALL KEEP MAKING SABINE AND AHSOKA ANGRY EXES TF

"ancient ppl from a distant galaxy" waaaaaaait are they bringing in those eu dudes

no wait i think i remember something about these guys that was mention as the big bad in the canceled animated rebels sequel

or it could just be the chiss lmao

that could be it too, makes sense why they'd want thrawn

ok that is some real cool galactic map visuals i am an absolute sucker for a good starmap

ok but wait how the fuck did y'all get a map to thrawn anyway did the space whales write it

also sorry morgan but i don't personally think thrawn would go for u nothing personal you are hot but you don't quite seem his type

waaaait is fucking thrawn gonna have force sensitivity now THAT would be absolutely hilarious and he'd hate it so much

who's marrok i have no memory

y'all you can't just make thrawn work for you didn't he only work with the empire cuz he had to because it would advantage his people somehow (has read zero thrawn novels and only seen rebels)

please tell me sabine is in the fucking vents of ahsoka's ship

THERE'S THE GHOST WHERE IS CHOPPER

I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING

okay so i think my issue with Mary is she doesn't have any of the same authority and purpose Hera's meant to hav

CHOPPER

CHOPPER

MY MURDERBOT

MY SON

MY ANGEL MY EVERYTHING

Anyway

yeah

oh yeah harping in that the new republic is a total fustercluck

ew a capitalist

bro you know hera used to steal from people like you for the rebellion

sdlkfjsdk omg sabine's mom needs to talk to the teacher to keep her from getting expelled

but also y'all sabine is like 25-30 right now she's not a kid

@ ahsoka bitch you have no fuckin clue what you're doing doooon't talk about readiness

y'know maybe the imperial era just advanced medicine so later impalements don't kill people

oh oh so it IS ezra's!

sabine go find luke he'd love to have you

STOP WITH THE GAY DIALOGUE

ok so yeah she likely doesn't have force sensitvity

goddammit huyang neverMIND

so sabine IS force sensitive :) and kanan and ezra just never brought it up :) great :)

hera my beautiful ship nerd ily

bitch do NOT fuck with hera she has more presence than anyone ever

hera my dude you know better than anyone that if a ship wants to take off you gotta go try and stop it in person

ah i have been waiting like 5 long years to watch hera best pilot there was kick aerial ass

we STAN

chopperrrrrrrrr

oh yeah ahsoka's fighting an inquisitor too lmao

CHOPPER GET THEIR ASS

CHOPPER ADD TO YOUR KILL COUNT

ok this hera and chopper banter is perfect i do love it

VICTORY FOR MY GHOSTS

oh and good job ahsoka lol

aghhh sabine and her therapy cat i'm ;_;

theeeeere's sabine's mando armor

SABINE AND KANAN'S FUCKIN KNIFE I'M GONNA EVEN IGNORE THE BAD MULAN HACKJOB ATTEMPT

okay it seems like mary's kinda on and off for hera so far, she has her moments but she can't hold them

rosario keeps losing me i'm sorryyyyyyyy

natasha is doing GREAT

aaaaaand we redoing the end of the rebels epilogue!

god this makes me miss zeb

and kanan obvs but i've come to accept his death

zeb's still hanging around where is he!!!!!

ah all is right

sabine has her gay haircut back

here we go gay roadtrip to find ezra time

alright so i'm still not really vibing with jedi!sabine at All but i have concluded that this show is watchable but honestly not that good, writing-wise, sorry dave, so i think i'll be able to watch it with my brain turned off

goddammit first i thought the holograms visiting morgan were nightsister witch ghosts xD

RIGHT RIGHT HIS NAME IS BAYLAN NOT BRYAN

morgan stop simping for thrawn i guaranTEE he's not your type

oKAY

we are through with the two episodes! it is very late for me so i'm gonna sit and think on what i've seen so far and shitpost a little. i did really like seeing my rebels blorbos again even if the live action actors don't quite have their groove yet. obviously very excited to retrieve ezra <3 so yeah that was that and i'll be back for more next week!

[sharksa-shivers]

We cool with stuff taking place on phones/through texts too? Cuz i have a surplus of that as well...

I have a ton of shit where it's formatted as text convos and shit between the derpos becauseeeeeeeeeee yes lol. (Legit tho, it is fun and it's a good way to also flesh out characters, like what kinda shiz would they talk about through text convos? I recommend doing that if you're looking for more ways to write stuff lol) ------- Here's a Sharksty one Kristy: Hey, did you eat any breakfast? :3 💗

Sharky: ……..

Kristy: Well?

Sharky: Does a star cola count as breakfast? I mean it's like 140 calories a can, that's sustainable right?

Kristy: Nope and nope! Alrighty, gotchas, that's all i needed to know.

Sharky: …..? Huh?

Kristy: Lol, i'm gonna make some breakfast for us both! :3 I wanna try and make some sausage egg biscuits sandwich things! (Idk what they're called lmao…But they seem simple and easy and quick and tasty!!! So…😋)

Sharky: …..Can i maybe know the calorie contents or?

Kristy: …You were literally just asking me if a soda counted as breakfast so i have a feeling if i tell you the answer to that (even if i did math it out while making it)That you'd just use that answer as an excuse to skip out on food whenever you need it…Mmmm, so no lmao.

Sharky: …Please?

Kristy: Nope! 💗They're little breakfast sandwiches with egg and cheese and sausage on them, i promise you you'll be ok ya derp.

Kristy:(sends pictures of the sandwiches)Also look how tasty they look!!! You really wanna miss out on this??? And me making it too????

Sharky: …Ok, ok, you're right, those do look really good heh…That cheese is making me hungry just looking at it…

Sharky: Does Amber have any bacon prepped downstairs?

Kristy: No, why? You want some?

Sharky: Hehhhhh, yeah, maybe…

Sharky: Here, guess i'll come downstairs, i can help ya. Maybe i can help make something and contribute a little bit ey? Might have some pancakr mix down there…

Kristy: MAKING BREAKFAST AS A COUPLE, HELL YEAH!!!!! 💗💗💗 ----------- Here's one with Max and Kristy both getting on Sharky's ass about his self neglect issues. Also cuz text, Max's text is purposefully shitty (cuz i imagine Max gives 0 shits about spellcheck during casual convo and whatnot lol...His friends know what he's going off about soooooooo) --- Kristy: Ey, I'm hungry, you guys want pizza? I wanna get pizza

Max: Fuk yesssssssssssssssssss, god, plz, im starving, fuckin garbo day, plz, i wanttttttttttt

Sharky: ………Eh…

Kristy: What kind you guys want? :3 Thinkin bout a half hamburger and half peperoni with extra cheese for me…

Max: ?

(few seconds pass)

Max: Sharky you fuck, what's "Eh" mean?

Sharky: It means eh, means i'm good. You guys enjoy though…

Kristy: Yknow, i don't think i've seen you eat today… :/

Max: He hasn't

Max: Dumbass, what pizza you want?

Sharky: None, i'm fine 👌

Kristy: Dude, cmon…

Max: finna beat yo ass, what pizza do you want?

Max: This is not me asking, this is a threat, this is a promise.

Max: I will physically come over there, back to the fucking hotel room, i will grab a pillow and i will beat your fucking ass, fuckin, tired of you doing this stupid shit to yourself every few days.

Sharky: Damn, nice…Sounds good to me.

Kristy: Dude, seriously, please… :c I don't want you being hungry all night, you have to be at this point with all the crap we've been doing today…

Sharky: …………I mean……….Eh, who cares? Why does it matter? Like…It doesn't…Just lemme chill, i'm good…

Max: Im so tired of this bullshit…

Max: WHAT

Max: PIZZA

Max: DO

Max: YOU

Max: WANT?

Sharky: I fucking told you, i don't, what's so fucking hard to get here? Why aren't you listening?

Kristy: …………Wait, do you mean you want something else to eat? I can google other places if your tired of pizza, i don't want you feeling forced to eat something you don't want to… :c

Sharky: No, enjoy your pizza, idc, i just don't want any.

Sharky: I don't want any other food either, i'm good. I just wanna chill and sleep in a bit… Max: I swear to fuck

Max: Just order him some hamburger or cheese or something, fuckin, i'm tired, im not let him keep doin this crap…

Sharky: Why tf you being so aggressive?

Max: CUZ I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU AND I DON'T LIKE SEEING YOU DO THIS SHIT, YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED DOING THIS, DEMONS ARE NOT GOING TO CARE IF YOU ARE TIRED, THEY WILL SLAUGHTER YOU AND I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN TO MY FUCKING BROTHER YOU FUCK

Kristy: What kind do you want Max? :3 I'm writing all this down rq…

Sharky: I said i don't fucking want one!!!!

Max: Cry about it bitch, you're getting free food and you're gonna fucking enjoy it

Max: Uhhhhhhh, idk actually, depends, where you getting it from?

Kristy: (gives link) found a local place, looks really good…I'm gonna get cheese garlic bread too :3

Max: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…Ehhhh, i dunno, fuck it, surprise me lol

Sharky has left the group

Max has added Sharky to the group

Max: Not so fast bitch

Sharky: I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANY, GOD, CAN YOU JUST LISTEN??? FOR ONCE???

Max: No 💜

Sharky: I fucking…God, i hate this stupid ass shit, fucking, i don't want it, don't waste your cash, don't waste your time, i don't want to eat

Kristy: You need to tho dude, seriously…

Max: Fuck you, you're gonna enjoy this goddamn pizza you shithead 💜

Sharky: ……………I'm so tired of this…

Max: Imagine how tired we are having to fucking worry about you doing this dumb shit every 3 or 4 days…

Kristy: Dude, seriously, this pizza looks really delicious, you should try some! It's a little family owned shop, means it's gotta be good…

Sharky: No

Kristy: (sends link again) Plz at least look at the pics, it all looks so hot and cheesy and fresh ~(^*^)~ I bet you'd love it if you tried it!!!

Sharky: ……………………………………Please stop…Fuck, please, you both are making me feel bad…

Max: Do not stop Kris, keep going, we're breaking him >:) Kristy: Uhmmmm, ik you like cheese bread Sharky, i bet you'd REALLY like garlic cheese bread :3

Sharky: Please stop, please…

Max: Whats wrong? Starting to want it?

Kristy: Oooooo! They have dipping sauces too! I'm gonna get extra marinara! :3

Sharky: god

Max: Heyyyyy, ooooo, cheesesticks, think we can get those Kris?

Kristy: Hell yes!!! Ahhhh, that really sounds good

Sharky: ………………..

Max: Gonna get some ranch dipping sauce cuz fuck it lol

Max: Can we get drinks too? Ain't shit up there in the hotel room…

Kristy: Yee! What do you want to drink? :3

Max: Defs a liter soda….or………..3 lol

Kristy: ………For just you or?

Max: lmao yes ofc

Sharky: ………………………………….

Kristy: Do you want something to drink Sharky? :3

Max: Well Sharky we're waiting…

Sharky: …..canihavegarliccheesebreadtoo?

Max: WE FUCKIGN GOT HIM!!!!!

Kristy: Wait, you serious?! :0

Sharky: ……….Yeah…ig…

Kristy: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Dude, i'm so happy!!!!!

Max: You're gonna have tasty food and your gonna like it

Sharky: ………….imgonnafeelsoshittyafterthis, ialreadyfeelsofatrightnowandihateit……

Kristy: Dude, you don't have to feel bad like that… :/

Max: Who fuckin cares if your fat? I want you to fucking survive, literally doesn't matter

Max: is a diff body type and literally everything in media that is designed to make you feel bad about being fat is cuz they wanna make cash off your suffering so fuck em, eat, be fat, be happy, stay alive, fuck the media

Sharky: Neither of you get it, ugh…

Kristy: Sharky, what else do you want? :3

Sharky: ………………I dunno, head hurts…

Kristy: Do you need me to get you meds? :c

Sharky: ……………No, just…Ig i do need to eat…Guess i am starving…

Sharky: Ig…Yeah, hamburger pizza sounds good, with cheese bread, maybe ig a bottled drink or 2 for me but no liter crap… -------- Solo Max and Sharky one cuz yeah, sure lol --- Max: So do you gott he stuff?

Sharky: uhhhh, yeah, i do…

Max: mighf i seeeeeeee?uwu?

Sharky: ehhhhh

Sharky: That's require me like…Taking a picture of myself and like…I'd rather spare you that, ehhhh…

Max: bruh lmao

Max: doooooooo it cmon lol

Sharky: I don't want to, i hate how i look right now ok?

Max: wut is it you hate?

Sharky: You know what…

Max: you mean your body and stomach that are perfectyl fine? Is that it?

Sharky: Can we just…Leave it or???

Max: bruh, lol, you look fineeeee!!!!!

Max: You are valid

Max: Dare i say beautiful even?

Max: just as yourself, i promise ya…

Sharky: ……..

Max: Cmon, seriously, i promise you look fine…

Sharky: …….I…I dunno, i just…

Sharky: Goddamnit, fine…

Sharky:(posts a pic of him with the supplies and shit, him obviously hesitant in photo to actually take the photo)….Here, ffs…

Max: damn, dude, you look really nice, you seriously insecure when you look like that???

Sharky: Considering my fucking ugly body and gut and face, yes. Mmhmmm, you nailed it.

Max: lol, bruh, you look fuckin fine, i promise

Max: king, hey king, you dropped this👑

Max: Valid qs fuck and always will be and i will fight you every fuckin time

Sharky: Max, seriously, how can you think i look fine like this????

Max: Because i know why you think the things you do and those reasons are bs

Max: You legit hurt yourselc over how you look, i hate seeing that

Max: I'd much rather see you embrace yourself as ya are cuz you look perfectly fune and great and i wouldn't fuckin lie to you lmaooooo ------------------------------- Yeah, Max is one of those friends who's agressive with how much they care about you...Like...Max just is like that lololol Like these are the 2 energy's lol Kristy:

And then Max lololol, like this is it right here Just like...I do not want Max to come off as mean cuz he's being like "you need to eat dumbass, ima hit you with this pillow!!!" Cuz...That's just like Max being Max lol (If you get what i mean, like that's how Sharky and Max's friendship/brotherhood kinda is with each other) Also yeah, Sharky and Max are best friends but they also see each other as brothers lol, like adoptive brothers.

[cosm1cbrownie]

unironically i kinda hate how sonic feels and acts in newer media (specifically prime and a bit of idw)

rant/tangent time wooo

note: might be a bit unorganized due to this being on my old azz galaxy s7 edge lol

alright. So i just finished reading the idw sonic comics allll the way up to the the most recent side comic, Scrapnik Island #4.

So like, while reading the main idw comic i kinda felt like.. sonic was just kinda a dick near the end for no reason??? Like yeah hes mostly fine in the beginning but once we get to the point where people put these high expectations on him and hes basically under a lot of pressure (which i understand) but i feel like the way they are characterizing him is just :

"haha sonic doesnt care and acts on inpulse like a dick and doesnt recognize the shit hes done and is basically a little shit lmao he also is just kinda and idiot and seems to forget things on the basis of when it most convient for him !!!"

i didnt really feel much of it in idw until the later chapters, but it started to get prevalent when i was reading these in between me watching Sonic Boom. (The Show, which is my favorite outside of AOSTH.)

Now personally, i think Sonic Boom's charactasation of Sonic is probably the best one we have had in a long while. Although its a comedy, i like how sonic is aware of what's going on and takes into account what his friends are suggesting.

Like the episode where he does something that affects a citizen of the town, (minds going blank on what the towns name is lmao) and when his friends (and the other villagers) let him join the whole "talk about our feelings" club thing,

at first, he opposes the idea of apologizing saying that calling people "people" isnt bad, (ik this was played for jokes it still supports my argument.) they encourage him to recognize that what he did was wrong,, and they tell him to go apologize, and he does, albeit with a bit of "ok fine i admit it pls go away" but atleast he doesnt outright deny it or seem stupid for trying to do so and failing.

Thats my issue with prime, sonic just seems like an oblivious idiot who doesnt recogize how to read the damn room and listen to his friends when it matters most. He acts like a tiny child, which doesnt make sense to me, because hes been through adventures and times similar to this and for most of the newer media they dont wanna recognize sonics shortcomings and upbringings as a character at all??????? Like i think frontiers got it right with the story, and sonic who understood what was going on and stopped every once in a while to smell the roses and help his friends!

But in newer media outside of frontiers, it seems like sonic doesnt know how to smell the fucking roses every once in a while and stop thinking on impulse, like they are making him seem like he only acts on impulse, all the damn time, with no regards of what was or is being said to him or even taking it into account???

Like yes, we fucking get it sonic can sometimes act on impulse when hes in a stressful situation thats what makes him seem real, makes him seem human.

But, when you make him into this douche canoe who acts on inpulse all the time, disregards his friends when it matters most, and casually dissapoints them when ever he feels like it, or when it benefits him (cough cough the picnic scene in prime), i dont think most people would want him to have a good time, which im sure is the reason why most people, including myself, thought sonic deserved that punch from shadow. (who is great in prime btw, was okay in boom too but needed more time to flesh him out outside of 3 eps hes supper immature and i love him lmao) He's a dick. And i dont like him.

So, i hope to god they rewrite sonics character in prime s2 because he was unrionically just a giant fuckin dick instead of a snarky but caring 'anti hero' (like in boom) and that makes me really mad grahhhh

[also side tangent i dont hate prime (lemme make this clear) this whole sonic rant was just me nitpicking how sonic is currently in media outside of frontiers

ALSO ALSO SIDE TANGENT 2 HOW DID THEY FUCK UP SONIC SO BAD BUT GOT SHADOW ALL GOOD AND SHIT????? WHATT???? BRO THEY ARE POLAR OPPOSITE CIRCLE GRAPHS WHICH OVERLAP THEY ARE NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE SOBS INTENTLY]

[daydadahlias]

don’t apologise for rambling about PT and WB, i ask about your stories bc u wanna hear you talk abt them lmao

but yeah i read PT after WB and i was like ‘wait, ashton didn’t become a lawyer with pink nail polish?? :(’

and i didn’t know WB was controversial. it was one of the first jess fic i read and i loved it, still do

oh, anon thank you sm!! This is so so nice in a way I can't explain lmfao. I really do love WB. And "controversial" may be a strong word to use but y'know, by sheer virtue of writing heavy subject matter like WB in an rpf fandom you're kind of inviting some adverse reaction!! Which I knew prior to posting and is really always something you have to be prepared for if you're going to post work on a public platform for any reason.

But the thought of it being one of the FIRST fics from me you've read is insane!!! It's always really crazy to me to hear what fic of mine was someone's first. I always just kind of assume people start with Risky Risque or Scene 14!!! But there are tons of people who have probably only ever read one work of mine and it's neither of those. Which is so fucking cool!! And insane!!! And I kind of love the thought of WB being one of ur first Jess fics while also... kind of loathing the thought!! Like i imagine u reading it and going "damn this kid's got issues" sdfghj

And I'll also be honest, it never occurred to me that people might read WB before PT!!! I'm sure that was probably a pretty shocking thing to stumble upon!!!!!! And maybe be like "wait?? are these??? the same guys??? this is what they're doing now??" god that's such a cool thought... A couple of my fics are set in the same universe (ex. Fine Print & Next Contestant) and I always like the thought of someone just STUMBLING upon them and being like "WAIT!! IT'S THOSE GUYS!! FROM THAT THING!!"

I'd be curious to hear how that altered your reading experience of PT. Y'know, if you automatically associated it with those characters you read previously who came from a really dark place, one that is obviously so different from PT where they're just... y'know slutty guys having a good slutty time. Does their dynamic feel the same? Does it feel older? Does it feel healthier? Blah Blah Blah. So many things!! Since I wrote PT before WB and most people who spoke to me abt WB had read PT prior, these aren't really things I got to see a reaction on!! I just remember someone saying they felt so much younger in WB.

And also no :(( ash never became a lawyer unfortunately. in my mind, it just all felt too overwhelming to him to know that he wouldn't be able to get justice in a court of law and so he was forced to think about all the people like him that never would either. All the people he'd never be able to save, y'know, and who would be overlooked just because their case didn't fit the cookie cutter crime. And he just didn't really want to have to bare witness to it.