#like the history of our friendship/how i first knew him

[razorsadness]

I’m not obsessively tagging this one, so just a few content warnings: there’s nothing graphic, but there’s some TMI stuff about sex and masturbation; talk of food and alcohol; discussion of grief, death, and illness; and a brief mention of transphobic/transmedicalist stuff. Also it might come across like I’m bragging about some compliments I’ve gotten for my writing recently. Also it’s long.

This is a really long entry, because I started writing it like, ten days ago, but then more stuff happened. This is a common thing for me, with letters and journal entries; I start writing them but don’t have time to finish, then more stuff happens, and I start adding the new stuff, but don’t have time to finish, and then more stuff happens and…you get the idea.

Anyway, these past two weeks have been jam-packed. There’s been a lot of luck & magic & beauty, with some hard stuff mixed in. (That’s life, that’s what all the people say…)

…

The evening of Thursday the 16th, I sent the ‘Mats-inspired vignettes to the editor of a zine I thought it’d be perfect for. Friday morning, I opened my email, and read his response. He loves it, and wants to run it in the next issue. He said I “perfectly captured that lonely midwestern feeling that certain Replacements songs have,” and that my writing is “romantic, but also real, like Kerouac mixed with Cometbus.” And if you know me at all, you know why I practically swooned over those particular compliments.

I also got an email saying our local library’s free seed library was newly restocked for the year, and I wanted to get there before it was all picked over. So, C. and I went to the library and picked up seeds for this year’s garden, along with an info packet on where and when to plant everything. We got seeds for: cayenne and poblano peppers; pickling cucumbers; spinach, mustard greens, collard greens, and kale; eggplant, squash, broccoli; Roma and Wisconsin organic (heirloom) tomatoes; carrots, and radishes. I’m so excited. Last year’s garden was our most successful ever, but we also made a couple mistakes which we learned from, so I’m thinking this year’s garden might be even better.

After that, C. and I popped over to my friend D.’s house. We got to meet his new pitbull-mix, Leonard, who is less than a year old and is therefore super high-energy, but so sweet. And we got to see their two-week-old foster kittens (and their mama), and C. even got to pet one! D. also gave me some cayenne and habanero, which he grew in his garden last year, then dried and ground—he’s been giving it to anyone who wants some, as he grew so many peppers that he can’t possibly use it all. (He also offered me some Carolina Reaper, but I passed on that.) I told him if there was ever anything I could give him in trade, to let me know, and he said: “Just listening to your spoken world album is trade enough,” and went on to say that he’s in awe of my poetic abilities.

All these compliments, a guy could get a big head! Except, I often think my writing is okay at best and I should just quit; when I get compliments like those it just offsets that and makes me realize that if other people are getting something from what I write, I should keep going.

Our last stop was the grocery store, where I got the rest of what I needed for the Dublin coddle, and got my flirt on with a beautiful redhead girl.

I had thought about putting green dye in my hair and painting my nails green for St. Paddy’s Day, but after all that running about town, I didn’t have time. I did, however, put my hair in braids (it’s long enough to braid now!), and put on green eyeliner.

I spent the next while putting together the Dublin coddle and getting it into the oven. I listened to the St. Patrick’s Day mix I listen to every year, then I listened to Hozier’s new EP, which holy fuck, I am trying so hard to be normal about, but it’s difficult. I truly wish I had a close friend who was into Hozier that I could nerd out about it with. Then I made a cup of tea and sat out in the backyard for a bit. One of the neighborhood crows came and lit on the fence, and it was cawing loudly about something. I asked it what was wrong, and we had a little ‘conversation.’

Me: “What is it, what’s wrong?” Crow: *cocks its head from side to side* caw caw. Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that.” Crow: squirrr-wakkk. Me: “I’m sure it will turn out fine.”

Funnily enough, the crow quieted down after that, stayed there for a while looking at me, then flew off.

It was really windy that day. To paraphrase myself: the wind, my lover, had returned, so I flirted with him a bit.

In the evening, I drank a pint of Guinness and a small glass of Jameson. In the old days, I would have easily downed three pints of stout and at least half a bottle of whiskey, not even because it was St. Patrick’s Day, but because it was a day, and to paraphrase myself, again—if you’re really Irish, you don’t need an excuse to get drunk. But I don’t do that anymore. The thing I do still do is get nostalgically sad (sadly nostalgic?) about old flames, and I had a few moments of that on St. Paddy’s Night. I found myself missing Ruby, and Jack of Spades, who I always miss most at this time of year; and Derry, whom I miss all the time, but always hardest in the spring and fall.

And then I emailed Derry. When I saw him back in October, I told him why I never respond to his periodic emails. And since then, he hasn’t emailed me; we left each other with the ball in my court, with it being up to me if I wanted to ever be in contact with him again. I probably shouldn’t have. I wasn’t even drunk, so I didn’t have that as an excuse. My only excuses are that I miss him so, so, so much, and I’m addicted to bad ideas.

Then P. and the kiddos and I watched Darby O’Gill and the Little People, which I hadn’t seen since I was a child. The movie left an indelible impression on me when I was a kid, though—I was deeply, deeply terrified of the banshee. Watching it the other night, I was no longer afraid, but I do understand why it scared me so back then. The sound she makes is absolutely bone-chilling.

…

Saturday, the temperature dropped, drastically—it was the coldest day we’ve had in weeks, felt more like midwinter again—but we braved the cold to go downtown and see the St. Paddy’s Day parade. It’s a small parade, even smaller this year because some people dropped out due to the weather, but it was still nice. A marching band started it off with a rendition of “Whiskey in the Jar.” One of the bars on Main Street was selling drinks, both alcoholic and non, in to-go cups, so you could grab one and take it outside while you watched the parade. P. and I both got Irish coffees, the kids got hot chocolate. The kids grabbed handfuls of candy and green plastic beads that some of the floats were tossing to the crowd. I sipped from my drink, and half-watched the parade, half-watched the other spectators.

There was a super sexy man standing near us. He was fat and also just big, like over six feet tall. He had a long, gray beard, but it was a very well-kept long beard, not ratty or dirty in any way. He was wearing a black beanie, a black leather jacket, an Irish kilt (with the tartan for County Derry; yes, I looked it up when I got home), and these tall, intricately patterned leather boots. I guess he caught me lookin’, cuz he fucking winked at me, and then I blushed so hard that my face felt hot despite the cold. Jaysis.

The best parts of the parade were the Root River Rollers (our local roller derby team; they looked hella cute in their green plaid skirts and black leggings and derby gear; I have a major thing for derby girls and have for a very long time); the float from McAuliffe’s Pub (they had someone on fiddle and someone on bodhrán, playing a reel); the pirates of Will’s Revenge (they’re a local group who cosplay as pirates for various events, I always love them, but this time they’d added little Irish touches for St. Paddy’s; of course I thought of B. saying of me all those years ago: …you’re and Irish pirate, that’s the best kind); and the girls from a local dance school (they were wearing black hoodies and black leggings and sparkly green tutus; they did a wildly impressive hiphopjazz dance routine).

Later that day, I made some minor edits on my ‘Mats vignettes (at the editor’s suggestion), while listening to The ‘Mats, and “Treatment Bound” came on and for the first time it hit me how much it sounded like some of my old friend L.’s music. I mean, I knew he was a Replacements fan, but it had honestly never hit me until then how much his sound was influenced by some of their stuff. Particularly the stuff off Hootenanny. And then I sat around missing L. for a while. I’ve written about him a lot before. He was one of those friends I had an intense crush on, and I thought I wanted to smooch him or maybe even bone him, but the most we ever did was cuddle/spoon. And then I realized it was better that way; I could get really close to him without worrying about sex making it weird. And then years later, I realized I never had actually wanted to fuck him, I had wanted to be him (or, well, be more like him, anyway). He had such a huge impact on my writing, my music, my life. We never had a falling out, just lost touch, got busy with our separate lives, never ran into each other anymore. The usual. I think of him often, though, and decided to web-search him the other day just so see what he’s up to. I found out that all his albums are now up on Bandcamp, and I’m so excited, because I lost my copies of them ages ago, and I love his music so much.

…

The next day was warmer again, though still windy. I took a long walk by myself. I trysted with the wind, again; he yanked my hair and slapped my cheeks pink. I walked down to the Little Free Library that’s in my neighborhood; I’ve found some great stuff in it before, and it had been months since I’d checked it. This time, I found nothing. I did, however, spot a tow truck with the words Anywhere and Anytime on it, and I snapped a picture. It seemed like a good sign, as the title of my ‘Mats memoir series is Anyplace or Anywhere or Anytime.

When I got home from the walk, I spent the rest of the afternoon writing.

…

Monday, I woke up and got the bullshit stuff I had to do but had been dreading/putting off out of the way first. I am not always able to do that, but the Executive Function fairy truly blessed me that day. Then I did school stuff with the kids. It was warm enough that we could do a (partially) outdoor science experiment. First, the kids designed protective casing for eggs, then we took them out in the backyard and dropped them from various heights to see how far they could drop without breaking. We even recorded our results! It was a lot of fun.

After that, I did some witchy stuff to celebrate the first day of spring. I redecorated my altar, lit some incense, did a little spell/ritual. Then I did a Spring Equinox tarot reading for myself, and it was so clear and right-on that I reached out to Emchy and was like: “Hey, the cards are really talking to me today, want me to pull a few for you?” She said yes, so I did.

Later in the afternoon, I took another solo walk. This time I took photos of some of the sidewalk date stamps in my neighborhood. I also spotted the first crocus of the season, and snapped photos of those. Trysted with the wind again. Sang (quietly, but out loud) as I walked—first Jolie Holland’s “Springtime Can Kill You” (because it is one of my all-time favorite songs), then the Counting Crows’ “Sullivan Street” (because I’d thought of something ‘hanging on the air,’ and it made me think of that song).

When I got home, I wrote a short poem, and then I started working on translating it into Gaeilge. I find that when I’m learning a new language, translating my words/thoughts from English into said language helps.

After that, I checked my email. There was one from Derry; his response to the email I’d sent on St. Patrick’s Day. I am not going to quote from it directly, not here; some things have to be kept just for me. Suffice it to say: we’re not trying to hook up or get together or start things all over again, but we’re mutually unsure where that leaves us; he misses and loves me just as much as I do him.

P. and I made dinner together that night. He made the sides and I made the main dish. We’d already planned on making roasted potatoes with dijon and rosemary (because we already had all the ingredients) and green beans with onions and bacon (because we already had the bacon and onions); we’d already decided to have pork chops as the main dish. But the night before I got a craving for French food, so that morning I looked up “French pork chops,” and found a recipe for pan-cooked pork chops with paprika, in an onion-dijon cream sauce. It was amazing.

We finished off the night by having passionate sex. It was a perfect ending to the first day of spring.

…

Tuesday was kinda crappy. The kids were cranky, and I had some unspecified physical yuck happening; my stomach hurt and I was just exhausted the whole day. But I managed to take another walk, this time with C. And it was World Poetry Day, so I read some poetry and worked more on my translation.

…

Wednesday was a happysad day. It was the ten year anniversary of my grandma’s death, so of course I was thinking about her. I was also thinking about Jason Molina. The 18th had been the ten year anniversary of his death, and my grief over losing my grandma is inextricably bound up with my grief over Jason Molina’s death. When my grandma got seriously ill, and we knew she wasn’t going to live much longer, I was deeply depressed, and I was listening to a lot of Songs: Ohia and Magnolia Electric Co. at the time, and then Jason died, and four days later my grandma died, so yeah, they’re always linked in my mind.

Wednesday was also my dad’s birthday. I wrote a birthday poem for him, and collaged a card to put it in. In the afternoon, P. and I went to a local job fair and found out about some potential employment opportunities for him. Fingers crossed that one of them pans out, because they’re pretty good ones. As we were leaving the job fair, we saw a seagull and a hawk fighting. Then we and the kiddos went to my folks’ house to celebrate my dad’s birthday. We had a nice dinner and some cake, and I gave my dad the card I’d made.

My mom and I reminisced about my grandma (her mom). Then she told me about an old friend of the family who is battling a serious illness. Later, Joni Mitchell came up in conversation, and my mom and I were talking about Joni and her music, and the memories we have attached to it—for both of us, Joni’s songs specifically remind us of being in our twenties. So we were both in our feelings about my grandma and the old family friend and our own pasts and Joni’s music, and we listened to “River” and cried a little together, and it was probably the closest I’ve felt to my mom in a long while.

Later that night, as I lay in the dark trying to fall asleep, I heard coyotes yipping as they wandered through the neighborhood.

…

Thursday, the kids were in bad moods again, and I was feeling anxious about various stuff. But I managed to get past it. I read some, made a collage, drank some tea. I signed up for a temporary money-making side gig. I finished writing/editing the poem about the time Ali and I visited Nancy Spungen’s grave; I have been working on it on-and-off for years, and I’m glad to finally have it in a place where I feel like it’s ready to be out in the world.

Then I watched the crows in the yard. That crow I talked to on St. Patrick’s Day? It returned, and brought its mate, and they are building a nest in the tree that hangs partially over our yard! Maybe that’s what it was making a racket about the first time; maybe it was scouting locations for a nest and was trying to get its mate to come see? In any case, we’re gonna have crow neighbors, and they’re gonna start a family! Oh my god, there are gonna be baby crows! The crows in the area are probably already familiar with me, because I have left out food for them before, and said hello when I’ve been near them; and I’m very glad that my talking to one of them the other day did not deter them from building their nest in/near our yard. (I’ve now started leaving peanuts for them in the backyard, since at least this pair has been coming around that side more often, and they’ve been back every day, but more about that later.)

Thursday night, I had a dream about my old friend J.C. I’ve known him since I was in the sixth grade, and we’ve been in and out of each other’s lives since (again, no falling out, just life drifting us apart), but I haven’t seen him in almost fourteen years now. It was good to see him in the dream, though, and I hope he’s doing well.

…

Friday, I spent most of the day getting ready for that evening’s spoken word gig. I collated zines, gathered together all the merch I wanted to take with me. I gathered together the poems I might want to read; timed a few newer ones/ones I’d never performed at a reading before. I drove to the bank downtown; to get some cash in various smaller denominations of bills, so I’d have change to give when people bought my merch. At one point on the drive, I was behind a car, and I noticed one of their bumper stickers: the background was the pride flag, and the text over it read Make America Gay Again. Awesome. Back at home, I started enacting even more pre-event rituals. (I say ‘event’ because I have long enacted some or all of these rituals whether it’s a spoken word gig, a music gig, a zine fest, an art show, a burlesque performance, a circus performance, etc. etc. Basically, I enact some or all of these rituals, or other, similar ones, whenever I have any kind of event where I’m performing and/or selling stuff, whether it’s in-person or online.) I cut the sleeves off my Keep Books Dangerous tee (a sure sign of spring for me, cutting the sleeves off a t-shirt), and changed out/added to the pins on my leather jacket. I freshened the color in my hair. I did all this while summoning the Undying Spirit of Punk Rock, by blasting the Daycare Swindlers.

Listening to the DC Swindlers of course made me think of N., as he was the lead singer of that band. I know I’ve written about him before, but I was hit with a wave of missing him so hard on Friday. We were platonic soulmates. I was never sexually or romantically attracted to him; as far as I know he was never into me that way either. (In fact I had a huge crush on his girlfriend!) But we just clicked; from the first time we met we had people saying we were like twins. We didn’t look anything alike, but there was just something about us. The way we dressed, our predilections, obviously our taste in women; just our general vibes. Twins. Soulmates. Because not all soulmates are romantic or sexual in nature; in fact, for as many romantic/sexual partners as I’ve had, I’ve had far more platonic soulmates.

Other rituals I enacted pre-gig were putting on my necklace of charms and dabbing a bit of the “Follow Me, Boy” scent on my pulse points.

P. actually got to come with me for once, which was amazing. I’ve said before that my parents are real weird about watching the kids, but this time they offered so P. could go with me, and of course I jumped at the chance.

At about five, we dropped the kiddos at my parents house, then headed north/west, to the far west side of Milwaukee, right on the border of Wauwatosa. Drove up on old familiar roads, saw some excellent graffiti. Parked near the gallery where my reading was, in front of a beautiful soft-yellow house with a pride flag hung from their porch, and a sign in the yard: We Back the Vag. Again, awesome.

The gallery was great, full of funky-cool art. Everyone that worked there was super friendly, so were all the other performers (both featured and open mic). At least half the people there, performers and audience, were some flavor of queer, and there were also several POC and several Jewish people! (I know that last part for a fact because a few of the poets read pieces that mentioned Judaism/being Jewish.) I felt so comfortable and happy. Like, obviously, as a queer person, I get tired of being around only cishets; but even as a white goy, I also get tired of being around only white, (culturally) Christian folks. I guess I just spent enough of my life in big cities and other diverse spaces that I am actually less at ease when everyone looks like me and/or has a similar cultural background. And it’s just fucking boring, ya know? Why would I only wanna be around people who look and act like me?!

Soon after we arrived at the gallery, I was setting up my merch, and the queer kid (I say ‘kid’ because they were in their early 20s, which, now that I’m in my 40s, is definitely in ‘kid’ territory for me) who was the musician for the evening saw my spoken word album—Self Portrait with Ghosts & Trains. “That’s definitely something I would listen to,” they said. “I like ghosts, I like trains.” Pause. “Damn, too bad I only know one train song. I mean, I only know how to play one train song. I know lots of train songs in general.” I told them that I’d made a playlist of train songs a few years ago, and that even though I’d spent time narrowing it down from the original list, it still had 50+ songs on it. “Have you ever seen Metalocalypse?” They asked. “How come all they sings about is trains?” I replied. “That is actually the name of my train song playlist, no kidding.” They laughed, said, “What else is there, really?,” and then we fist bumped.

Then it was time for the open mic part of the evening, and the other featured poet-performers. All of the other poet-performers were really good, in their own ways. Some of them were just good all around, both poetry-wise and performance-wise. Others were not my jam, poetry-wise, but performed their stuff really well. And still others were people whose poems were fantastic but who were fairly new to performing; I know that if they keep at it they will be absolute fire in the not-too-distant future.

Then it was my turn. I opened my set with a poem that is not my own. See, it would have been Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s 104th birthday that day, so I opened with “See, it was like this, when…” Then I did a bit of improv. What I mean by that is—I had brought way more poems with me than I could feasibly read, and I had a couple I knew I for sure wanted to read but for the rest it was like, I’ll just go with what I’m vibing with at the time. And some of the other performers inspired some of my choices. One of the poets read some of their sonnets, so I read two of my sonnets; one of the performers opened with an a capella rendition of “Cabaret,” so I read my Cabaret-inspired poem. I also read two of my Wisconsin poems—a Milwaukee one, and my Beast of Bray Road poem; an excerpt from The Loneliest Show On Earth; and the poem about visiting Nancy’s grave. The crowd was so, so attentive and responsive. Like, they were there to hear poetry. I heard some laughter during parts of some of my poems (not laughing at, laughing with), and also some gasps and ohs. Afterward, I got so many compliments. I mean, people were telling me my stuff was funny but also moving, or saying it was like I cast a spell, saying they got chills at certain points; someone noticed the Diane Di Prima influence on my work, someone else noticed the Lynda Hull influence…god damn. I sold some stuff and got a cut of the door, and it was enough to cover my gas money to and from the gig and still have like thirty bucks left over; gotta love that sweet, sweet poetry money. (To quote myself: How no one warned you it’s hard to make a living writing about your heart. How you don’t make a living, but you sometimes make enough money for wine.) I also got approached by the guy who runs the weekly Poetry Nights at Linneman’s River West Inn, and he wants me to be the featured poet there sometime in July or August. I’m so excited! I haven’t been to Linneman’s since early 2009, but back when I lived in MKE I used to perform there all the time—though back then, I performed on the music open mic nights, as that’s when I was more focused on music than poetry. Speaking of music—when the kid I’d talked to earlier in the evening got up for their set, they played the one train song they knew how to play—“Freight Train,” by Elizabeth Cotten—and dedicated it to me. My heart.

P. and I left, then crossed the border into ‘Tosa, and got a round at a beer & whiskey bar called Draft & Vessel. I had an imperial stout that had chai spices in it, and it was so fuckin’ good.

On the drive home, I got to experience that magical thing that happens on the road at night. You know, where you look down at your lap, and the lights coming in through the windshield from above have striated your skin and clothing, and as you move the stripes move, moving stripes of light/shadow/light/shadow. I wish I could think of a better way to describe it; if I can, I’m going to put it in a poem.

…

Saturday we got a bunch of snow. Early spring snow is not uncommon in the upper midwest—in the immortal words of Prince: sometimes it snows in April. And anyway, we had nowhere we needed to be that day, so we just had a cozy-at-home, creative day. P. and I made meal plans for the coming week. I wrote a bit. I made a necklace, inspired by some I’d seen at the gallery and couldn’t afford. I took some knolling photos of my bottlecap, key, and souvenir penny collections; for no other reason than that I felt like it. I recorded an audio version of my VU-inspired poem from Left of the Dial.

My knee and ankle were hurting all day. The poetry reading had been packed full and there were only about eight chairs available, and there were people in their sixties and seventies there, and I never think of my disabilities as real enough, so I gave the chairs to those I thought needed them more, and I stood the whole time. And yeah, I paid for it, bodily. It sucked to be in pain all the next day, but I did kind of chuckle at the “I’m getting old”-ness of it all. Like, I used to go wild in the pit at punk shows and maybe I’d get banged up and sore but I’d be mostly okay (with the notable exception being that time I broke my ankle in the pit), and now I stand for a couple hours at a poetry reading and I’m in pain for days.

I thought of Sinclair, another old flame, that day; possibly because of that kid playing “Freight Train” the night before, as that was a staple of Sinclair’s repertoire. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in somewhere close to 14 years now, and I haven’t even web-searched him in a decade. Unlike with some of my other exes, it’s not that I fear I’ll decide to contact him and open everything up again, it’s that— Well, I’ve worried that he might be dead or in prison. He was a sweetheart, genuinely one of the best, kindest people I’ve ever known—but he was also an outlaw, and he lived a rough life. He was a queer train-hopping hobo/crusty/circus performer/musician; he was often homeless, and had bouts of trouble with the law and various addictions. Saturday, I decided to look him up to see what I could find…and I was relieved to know that he’s not just living but seemingly thriving, back in his hometown of New Orleans, where he just had a music gig on March 23rd. I’m so relieved. Just knowing that he’s out there, still doin’ his thing, is enough for me.

That night, P. and I had hot, wild, rough sex, and I fell asleep more easily than I normally do. Unfortunately, I did have a terrible dream that woke me up in the middle of the night, and then it took me hours to get back to sleep. I don’t even want to go into detail about it because it was so gruesome and bloody and involved terrible bodily harm being visited on some of my loved ones, including one of my kids. I actually had to go into D.’s room and make sure he was okay, and sit watching him breathe for a while, before I could calm down at all. I don’t have vivid, horrific dreams as much now as I did when I was in my teens and twenties, but when they come? They’re fucking doozies. A lot of horror doesn’t even scare me because I’ve had dreams that were just as graphic, but even worse, because the harm was being visited on me and/or people I love.

…

Sunday, I woke up to the notification that someone had bought some stuff from my online shop, which is always a nice thing to wake up to.

Later in the morning, it snowed a little more, and I saw the crows again. And this time, they’d brought a friend. My first thought was: “They’re a polycule!” Which, okay, I know crows don’t work that way, but I recently read something that said crows are ‘socially monogamous but genetically promiscuous’ so maybe? In any case, they were with a third crow; probably another member of their murder. And they were playing! I watched them leap down from the tree to the top of the neighbors’ garage roof, then slide to the bottom edge near the eaves, from which they’d fly back up to the tree and do it all over again. I was so fucking thrilled; I’ve seen videos of crows playing before, but I’ve never seen it so clearly in person. I wanted to get my own video, but of course by the time I got my phone and got ready to record, they’d stopped. I know, pics or it didn’t happen, but this has just been one of the many amazing things I’ve witnessed or experienced in my life where I do not have any ‘factual’ documentation, and it doesn’t even matter because I know it happened and it lives inside me, now.

In the late afternoon, D. had the worst meltdown he’s had in a while. His anger is getting worse as he edges towards adolescence, but at least now he has a therapist that can help us through it.

For dinner, P. made shrimp, pork, and andouille jambalaya, with a side of greens. We had sex again that night; this time, it was slow, lazy, and deeply sensual.

…

Monday morning, D. had his therapy appointment, then I did schoolwork with the kiddos. Then I got dinner going in the crockpot (one of my favorite go-to meals: Moroccan chicken tagine with chickpeas and apricots) while listening to my favorite radio station; they played banger after banger after banger, and I discovered a bunch of new (to me) favorite songs.

Monday evening, before dinner, we filed our taxes. We’re not getting back as much as I’d hoped (because the fucking Republicans decided to axe the expanded Child Tax Credit), but we’re still getting enough that it will make a positive difference in our lives over the next couple months.

That night, we had sex; wild and hot and fast again, that time.

…

Despite all the sex we’ve been having, I woke up ridiculously horny on Tuesday. I was also really restless and a little bit anxious, but I had to do all this sitting-at-my-desk bullshit like attending the Zoom training session for my new side gig, and applying for energy assistance. In between sit-down tasks, I worked through my restless, horny energy by either pacing around or jacking off. Seriously, it was like, bullshit task, walk up and down the stairs a few times; bullshit task, lock myself in the bathroom to jack off; and so on. I ended up jacking off three times that day. (Twice during the day, once at night in bed after P. had fallen asleep; his chronic back pain was acting up so we couldn’t mess around that night, alas.)

The best things of that day were: 1. Finding out I was such a hit at the gallery on Friday that they want me to be one of their features again in May. Like, according to the person who is my point of contact there, even after I left, people were coming up to her saying: “Wow, Jessie was amazing; when can I see them again?!” 2. The burgers we made for dinner that night: blue cheese, bacon, Buffalo sauce, and tomato burgers.

…

Yesterday I clocked a couple hours for my new side gig. It’s kinda tedious, but at least I can do it on my own time, and I need the money.

After that, I did school stuff with the kiddos, including some art time. They both painted, and I sat down to draw something that I thought was kind of inspired by Paradise Lost (cuz I’m on a Milton kick lately) and Nick Cave, but which turned out to be a figure straight out of that horrifying dream I had on Saturday. And I am  actually entirely freaked out by the drawing; I had to hide it so I won’t see it.

I spent most of the afternoon laying in bed, drinking tea and reading, as my sinuses were acting up and I couldn’t do much else.

Fortunately, I felt better by evening. For dinner, I made fish tacos (with shredded lettuce, pico de gallo, fresh avocado, and lime wedges for garnish) with beans and rice on the side.

And P. and I got to have sex last night, and it was great, again, as it has been lately.

…

Today I woke up restless, horny, and anxious, again. Mostly the anxiety stemmed from a phone call I had to make. Before I made the call, I did yoga, ate a small breakfast, and took my ashwagandha and magnesium supplements, which helped ease my anxiety a little. Then I made the call, and it sucked, but not as bad as I had feared it would, and hey, at least then it was done.

Late morning, I took the kids to the library. They got to play in the play area for a while; I talked with a mom who was there with her three kiddos (all of them true gingers!). We checked out a bunch of books, as per usual. Then came home to make lunch—mini quesadillas, plus avocado & pico de gallo & beans & rice left over from last night.

After lunch, I decided to take a walk. It’s chilly and a bit windy today, but it had been over a week since I took a walk, and I get even antsier/more restless without them. So I bundled up, and took some hot coffee in my travel mug to keep me warm.

When I stepped out the back door, my crow friend was in the tree where it’s building its nest. It saw me and cawed, then went flying toward the front yard, like it wanted me to follow. I was like: “Oooh, side quest!” When I got out to the sidewalk, I saw the crow in the front yard a few houses down, pulling at something in the mud. I got to the crow just as it pulled the object free, and I saw it was this long, silvery piece of something—like maybe tinsel, or part of a mylar balloon. I said: “Oh, good for you, you found a shiny for your mate!” The crow then flew back towards our backyard.

As I said above, I’ve been feeding the crows in this neighborhood on and off for years, and occasionally saying hello to them, but I do not understand why this particular crow (and by extension, its mate and family/friends) has decided we’re besties. I do not understand, but I am fucking delighted.

I took my walk around the block, got home, promptly locked myself in the bathroom and jacked off.

Tonight, for dinner, P. made chicken cacciatore. The recipe he uses has a white (white wine, lemon juice, olive oil) sauce as opposed to the usual tomato-based chicken cacciatore, and it’s so good. And I’m hoping we get to fuck again tonight, cuz like I said, I’m wildly, insatiably horny these days.

…

This weekend is looking like it will be another jam-packed one. I have to meet up with K. to pick up the Joe Strummer piece I commissioned for Ali’s birthday. There’s a couple activist things I’m participating in; tomorrow’s rally for queer youth, plus some voter outreach stuff I signed up to do prior to next Tuesday’s very important election.

Saturday is the start of National Poetry Month/NaPoWriMo. I plan to attempt a 30/30, because I generated so much work last April (and had fun doing it). I’m also working up some curriculum to teach both the kids about reading and writing poetry, at age-appropriate levels.

One of my first projects for NaPoWriMo is gonna be trying to finish translating that poem I wrote last week from English to Gaeilge. It’s been tricky because, though it’s a short poem, it has an odd structure that does not lend itself easily to Gaeilge. Also, my grasp on Gaeilge is rudimentary at best. But then, that’s why I’m doing this, to help me learn.

Next week, I’m hoping to finish getting the New Wave anthology ready for print.

…

Other than all that? Well, there have been more realizations and epiphanies.

I’ve been getting braver, again. Doing things even if I’m scared to; because I remembered that most of the best things in my life have come from moments of “Am I scared? Yeah, but fuck it, I’ll do it anyway.”

I’ve been reincorporating elements of my old life, my old personality. From things as simple as drinking lapsang souchong again, taking walks whenever I can, rereading old favorite books, rediscovering old favorite albums; to things more esoteric. For so long I’d been lamenting the days when I was a mystical romantic lovesick dork, wishing I could be that way again but thinking I was too old. But now I’m allowing myself to behave that way again. I’m romanticizing my daily life, singing as I walk down the street, talking with the crows, cavorting with the wind.

A lot of those things (the tea, the walks, the mystical romantic lovesick dorkiness) sort of rhyme with a very specific time in my life, namely 2006-2008, and it’s funny that I’ve been asked to do a reading at Linneman’s, which was a place I frequented in those years. I know, you can’t go home again—except, sometimes you can.

And I’m also glad that I’m managing to reintegrate the positive aspects of those days without the self-destructive ones (i.e., drinking to excess and hooking up with people I didn’t even really like very much).

Another thing I’m reincorporating into my life is the DIY? Because I Gotta attitude. It’s not that I’ve ever fully lost it, but I’ve been doing a lot of it lately: things like making that necklace for myself, writing the poem and making the collage-card for my dad, etc. I used to get down on myself because I’ve never had enough money to buy gifts for all my loved ones for every occasion, but now I’m like, wait, this is actually a good thing about me. Not the lack-of-money part, but… I might not have money to buy people gifts all the time, but I do things like make them art, write them poems, make them personalized zines, make them mix tapes or playlists, bake them bread or cookies, give them veggies from my garden, give them tarot readings, etc. That’s actually pretty fucking cool.

I’ve been re-redefining success re: my writing career. Once again reminding myself that as long as my words get out in the world and the people who need them find them, that’s the most important thing—doesn’t so much matter what route those words take to get there. Reminding myself that I can look for agents for certain projects, submit to the more established lit journals, enter big name contests, etc., but that I can also continue to publish my own zines and chapbooks, and send stuff out to indie mags and presses. I don’t have to choose! I can try it all!

Speaking of not having to choose—I’ve been re-embracing the fluid nature of both my gender/gender expression and my sexuality.

For a while I was reading too much of that baeddelism stuff, and even though I objectively know it’s bullshit, it kinda got to me. I started thinking to myself: “You’re not currently pursuing medical transition, you have long hair, and you still wear skirts and makeup sometimes. Those people are right—you’re just a penis-obsessed cis woman LARPing as nonbinary.” And then I was like, wait. First of all, though medical transition is an important part of transitioning for many trans people, it is not the only valid way to transition. Second of all, plenty of men, trans and cis, have long hair or wear skirts or makeup; why am I letting a handful of people who are basically TIRFs (trans-inclusive radical feminists) dictate how I present and what that means about my gender? My gender and sexuality have always been fluid, that’s just who and how I am; that’s why I have always preferred the term queer—because it states that I am not cishet, but doesn’t box me into some narrow definition of gender or sexuality that might change the next moment, anyway. So, once again: I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it. And: You cannot misgender me in a way that matters.

Speaking of fluid sexuality—the way my desires are changing lately is fascinating.  Some things that used to turn me on no longer do it for me; other things that I was never into are now super hot.

These past two weeks have made me think of that Aaron Cometbus quote, about the kind of days I’ve been having: Simple days but with little surprises and long walks and good luck.

And it’s spring, it’s spring! Still chilly, but it stays lighter later every night, and the birds are out squawking and singing at all hours, and of course I’m restless and horny, it’s spring!

Overall, I’ve been full of gratitude and joy. I have amazing friends, all over the world. I get so overwhelmed with love for my kids, and for P. Seriously, every day I look at P. and think how lucky I am to have him as my partner in life; as the person I get to raise kids with and have hot sex with and cook good food with and wake up to every morning. And every day, I get to read books and listen to music and make art and write.

Of course things aren’t perfect, with the kids or with P., and I’m tired of being broke, and there’s the anxiety and executive dysfunction, and there’s a lot of bad shit in the world. But I have plans to make my and my family’s future better. And I’m getting more involved with activism again—apparently, when I allow myself to do things that bring me joy, I have more spoons for helping other people! Shocking, I know.

And I cry a lot, and I get nostalgically sad and long for old faces and places I once knew, and I get restless and long for new faces and places and adventures. And my heart breaks every day, from the beauty of the world, and the pain. But if that’s the tax for being a poet, for being a mystical romantic lovesick dork; if that’s the tax for not being closed off to any part of life—then I will gladly, gladly pay it.

[astonmartinii]

big reputation part two | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem reader

a new season dawns but that doesn't mean we don't have a map to our buried hatchets

MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI? | PART ONE

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 3,221,783 others

charles_leclerc: ferrari has been home for as long as i can remember, even before i joined the academy, the dream of driving for ferrari gave me a purpose. i am heartbroken it hasn't worked out, but formula one is, at the end of the day, a selfish sport and i have to think about my real goal here: to win a championship. ferrari has an amazing history, but that is what it is history. in the four years i have been here i haven't seen the drive and ambition to be as ruthless and as complete as they were with michael and with kimi. therefore i have to leave. it hurts me to leave the tifosi, but know you're always in my heart and i will always hold dear your support. grazie regazzi essere ferrari ❤️

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user3: i knew it was coming but HOLY FUCK CHARLIE COME HOME

user4: tifosi lecfosi YES SIR

user5: for real i'm down for him not that clown team

yourusername: i'm proud of you charlie, i knew how much this took. but you have to put yourself first at some point. i love you

charles_leclerc: i love you too. i'm sorry i can't stop crying

yourusername: no i love that you are so passionate. it's been a long season and you're finally allowed to let it all out

charles_leclerc: can we go to a rage room?

yourusername: FUCK YEA

maxverstappen1: pretty please may i join. i have a lot of rage. call it teammate bonding?

charles_leclerc: give me a tow in bahrain quali?

maxverstappen1: fine (NO ONE SCREENSHOT THIS OR HOLD ME TO IT)

yourusername: at least this one i don't mind having to third wheel us

user6: the SHADE that's mother right there

user7: trying to stay insanely normal over the fact that max, charles and y/n are besties

pierregasly: congrats calmar, HOWEVER, i though i was your favourite third wheel 🥰

yourusername: but you bring kika ??? how can you third wheel if kika is there? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COUNT?

charles_leclerc: thank you pear i love you brother

user8: i love how this is some super sentimental post and y/n is asking pierre if he can count i hope they never change

landonorris: max as fave third wheel ??? @alexalbon @georgerussll63 twitch quartet erasure

yourusername: womp womp

alexalbon: WOMP WOMP?

charles_leclerc: guys i'm sad about leaving my dream team where is the compassion?

georgerussell63: yeah boo hoo there are bigger things at play here I DID NOT SIT THROUGH YOUR TEN HOUR MELTDOWN ON AN APPROPRIATE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY GIFT NOT TO BE TOP THIRD WHEEL

yourusername: you fools really will argue about anything huh

landonorris: this is the sanctity of our friendship on the line here

user9: the grid was really like YOU might be sad about leave ferrari but we ain't

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,421,455 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: holibobs with sharlie

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user10: i love as soon as the season finishes charles becomes THEE instagram boyf

user11: j.peg account? no. just taking photos of y/n? YES.

charles_leclerc: i have an eye for beauty

yourusername: heheheheheheehehehehehee

alexalbon: so he can use a camera? why does he only take 0.5s of me?

yourusername: the best angle for your big ol dome

alexalbon: EXCUSE ME ?

yourusername: yeah sorry that was a bit far

alexalbon: it's like you got off the ferrari leash and now we all have to suffer

yourusername: WELP

charles_leclerc: ma belle, the only one i'll actually listen to and put sun cream on

yourusername: yes you will because we...

charles_leclerc: put spf on everyday !!

yourusername: yes! because...

charles_leclerc: we're scared of aging?

yourusername: no?

charles_leclerc: we want to be safe 👍

maxverstappen1: you guys done with the kindergarten reading lessons?

yourusername: have you seen lobster leclerc? this kind of work needed to be done

user12: lobster leclerc? goodbye, goodbye, goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky

user13: see now i'm confused cause why are some papers saying that they're breaking up? or that charles is embarrassed by the way y/n acts?

user14: bestie we've been through this DON'T TRUST THOSE HOES - TRUST THESE HOES

liked by yourusername

user15: unless i see it from the horse's mouth I WILL NEVER BELIEVE THEY'VE BROKEN UP

redbullracing

liked by yourusername, christianhorner and 882,339 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1

redbullracing: charles the qualifying king takes his first pole position for red bull in his first race and is joined by max for a front row lockout

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user18: UNWELL

user19: suck on that ferrari xoxo

user20: *rubs eyes* is that... max being happy to be challenged by a teammate ???

user21: winning three championships really takes the heat off huh

yourusername: THAT'S MY MAN YALL

charles_leclerc: love you baby

yourusername: love you too darling

maxverstappen1: love you three 🫶

yourusername: this is not the problem i thought we'd have when coming to red bull

maxverstappen1: my gf can't make most of the races so you WILL deal with me

user22: max being clingy to charles and y/n is so fucking funny to me

user23: sainz not making it out of q1? shwartzman only making it to q2 but still out qualifying carlos? charles looking sexy in blue? EVERY TONGUE THAT RISES AGAINST CHARLES LECLERC SHALL FALL

christianhorner: mega job boys, let's keep our eyes on tomorrow

maxverstappen1: tell them they have to let me come to dinner with them

christianhorner: isn't this the exact reason we rehired daniel

charles_leclerc: PLEASE MAKE DANIEL COME TO THE NEXT RACE

maxverstappen1: erm rude

charles_leclerc: i'm sorry i'm not used to a teammate that actually wants to be friends for real

yourusername: EXCEPT SEB WE LOVE SEB

yourusername: but for real max emilian i am monitoring the dutch papers... be very careful

user24: healthy teammate relationships (for now) ??? is this what heaven is like

user25: are you telling me that if max doesn't get the lead in the first lap he might actually HELP charles .... a certain spanish individual could never

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,778,451 others

tagged: yourusername, maxverstappen1

charles_leclerc: wow !! a 1 - 2 in our first race i couldn't be happier. this car is a dream to drive and i'm so grateful to red bull for being so welcoming. teamwork makes the dream work

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user26: tears in my eyes

user27: okay i understand both of them are like with their forever partners but lestappen is also real TWO THINGS CAN EXIST AT ONCE

yourusername: SHARLIE OMG YOU TALENTED, TALENTED KING

charles_leclerc: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

yourusername: crying sesh. sharlie's drivers room @ 8. bring your own alcohol and tissues

charles_leclerc: just to make sure everyone knows THESE ARE HAPPY TEARS

landonorris: SAP ALERT GET IT TOGETHER MAN

yourusername: i know lando no-wins ain't talking rn 🤨

charles_leclerc: you walked into that one buddy

landonorris: just because i'm friends with carlos doesn't mean you have to come after me like him ...

this comment has been deleted

yourusername: bold... real bold. you're lucky i'm doing meditation and yoga (and that i want to make a good impression on christian)

alexalbon: lando do NOT look at the text she just sent your your ego CANNOT take it

user28: no no no do spill... i need the ammo if he ever takes out my fave

user29: true i need it for the next time either of the ugly twins at ferrari open their gobs

oscarpiastri: it was brutal. they need to get y/n to host the reading challenge on drag race

yourusername: oscar knows drag race?

oscarpiastri: i might be an athlete but i'm not completely uncultured

maxverstappen1: if we're talking being cultured... GET READY FOR YOUR FIRST RED BULL PARTY

yourusername: born ready my university years singlehandedly financed your 'catering budget'

charles_leclerc: no really i think she's actually addicted to the tropical one

maxverstappen1: are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT WAS YOU WHO DRANK ALL OF THEM

yourusername: and what?

maxverstappen1: idk i'm still kinda scared of you

user30: the way charles deflected the questions about fred and sainz ? WE'RE FREEEEEEEEE

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 1,311,723 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: i wanna be your end game <3

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user32: you guys better be end game or like you're paying for my therapy

user33: i respect her dedication to go to every race, make ferrari staff tremble in fear and pull LOOKS

charles_leclerc: i want to be your first string

yourusername: what if we just called taylor up?

charles_leclerc: you know here you call her i'm nervous

yourusername: @taylorswift paris night one, lover and this is me trying ft. charles on the piano?

taylorswift: sure thing

charles_leclerc: why was that so easy?

yourusername: better get practising baby

charles_leclerc: OH GOD

user34: how did we get red bull charles and a taylor collab in one year?

user35: i guess we used up charles' good luck from the last four years SORRY CHARLES

charles_leclerc: i guess you're forgiven...

maxverstappen1: so could you like tell me what you'd call me if i hypothetically fucked charles over... i'm not gonna but like i need to mentally prepare myself to hear it

yourusername: i have faith in you so i haven't thought that far ahead

maxverstappen1: can you please not be too mean i can't take it

charles_leclerc: you wanna come to therapy with me buddy?

maxverstappen1: i think i might

yourusername: when we entered the reputation era i did not think it would lead to taking max verstappen to therapy

maxverstappen1: and taylor swift?

yourusername: ... and taylor swift

user36: this is all very cute and all but can we have mean y/n back

user37: when will yall learn that reputation is a love album and y/n and charles are just loving each other freely

user38: but mean y/n did teach someone a lesson in not spreading false rumours cause them tabloids have been QUIET

f1tea

liked by user43, user44 and 7,233 others

f1tea: carlos sainz was caught liking these tweets about charles leclerc and y/n y/ln, what do you think?

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user45: put me in the ring with carlos i am being so serious

user46: okay for a while i was on the fence about y/n and how intense she was being but like seeing this shit and realising it was probably what was being said in the garage she needed to do more

user47: for real if someone said that about my boyfriend i'd be in prison

user48: so charles and y/n were under contract to not say a word out of line about ferrari or anything to do with ferrari and this guy is out here liking this

user49: call me a conspiracy theorist but this was his public account... he meant for people to find it and wants people to know this stuff

user50: this is why he DNFed in the first race KARMA

user51: maybe this is why he's always the one with relationship issues bro clearly has no loyalty

user52: charles has never said anything about him even now and y/n only said something in retaliation

user53: fuck peace and love y/n needs to give this man hell

user54: read him for filth

user55: bro needs to keep his twitter fingers to himself and focus on not being in the wall ❤️

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,311,885 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: this is why we can't have nice things, darling

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user56: this is the most response we'll ever get from charles i fear

user57: allow me to elaborate: this is why we can't have nice things by taylor swift is about 'forgiving' the people who wronged you but she literally says "and here's to you because forgiveness is a nice thing to do... i can't even say it with a straight face" so basically charles doesn't forgive carlos or fred. and it specifically shouts out her family and friends and lover for sticking with her which is what charles' family, friends and y/n have done

liked by charles_leclerc

user58: thank you for service

yourusername: i'm reading what they call you lately (it says you're a race winner and a title contender)

charles_leclerc: got a taste of the celebrations and can't get enough

maxverstappen1: KEEP IT PG THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

charles_leclerc: you're older than me

yourusername: all we said were celebrations, if anything you have the dirty mind 🤨

maxverstappen1: i am usually in the room next to you, i hope this helps

charles_leclerc: our bad <3

maxverstappen1: you don't care do you?

yourusername: not really no. when we get to the same amount of wins as you maybe it'll wear off

maxverstappen1: not on my watch

user58: is this an entertaining title fight but without the bad blood?

user59: and nowhere near ferrari? bless

alexalbon: i hate that i understand all these references

yourusername: lily trained you well

lilymunhe: like a drill sergeant

yourusername: as you should

sebastianvettel: proud of you charlie, i'm glad you're not wasting your talent

charles_leclerc: i love you seb, i'm sorry it took so long

sebastianvettel: make sure you win here, we can be ferrari failures together

yourusername: *ferrari failed you

sebastianvettel: i knew there was a reason i liked you

fin.

note: SOZ. so like i am still working on requests but that radio message FUCKED ME UP. so this had to happen. glad my queen girls (max and charles) did well today, hope you enjoyed !!!

[harrysfolklore]

another instagram prompt with madison beer as face claim but relationship focused please!! 🥺

WELL HELLO THIS IS MY FIRST F1 BLURB 🥹 i’m kinda nervous idk why but i hope you like it! i left this open for a part two so lmk if that’s something you’d like to see

btw this is obviously inspired by taylor and joe breakup and taylor and travis lol, also harry ilysm sorry for making you the villain here, anyways, ENJOY!

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON | PART TWO HERE

liked by arianagrande, sabrinacarpenter and 5,028,299 others

yourinstagram THE SPINNIN TOUR STATRS IN 10 DAYS 🥲🤍 who am i seeing there??

view all 76,044 comments

ynfan1 SO FUCKING EXCITED

conangray LETS GO 🔥

ynfan2 this is going to be the biggest concert tour in history and i’m so serious

↳ ynfan1 i mean the pre sale broke ticketmaster, three stadium dates on each city sold out. it’s going to be insane

harryfan1 i can’t wait for the boyfriend harry content this tour is going to give us

ynfan3 she’s getting ready to make history

annetwist ❤️❤️❤️

harryfan2 soooo ready to see harry at the vip box on opening night and all the other nights

dualipa an angel 🤍

oliviarodrigo 💘

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 6,754 others

harryupdates Harry out in London today !

view all 309 comments

harryfan1 MY BUUUUB

ynfan1 what is he doing in london??? the spinnin tour starts today

harryfan2 HARRY GET YOUR ASS TO ARIZONA RN

ynfan2 he’s not attending opening night :(

harryfan3 what is he mad about lol

liked by charles_leclerc, sza and 6,826,239 others

yourinstagram 7th night of the spinnin tour done ! houston thank you so much for your love and your loud singing, i’m making the best memories of my life on this tour thanks to you 🤎

view all 78,203 comments

ynfan1 TOUR OF THE CENTURY

conangray this tour changed my life fr

↳ ynfan2 BEST OPENING ACT EVER

harryfan1 okay but WHEN is harry doing his spinnin tour debut

↳ ynfan1 i wonder the same thing 🤔

arianagrande 🖤

charles_leclerc I can’t wait to see the show 🙌🏻

↳ charlesfan1 CHARLES ???

↳ charlesfan2 he’s a pop girlie wbk

harryfan2 get your ass to the next show NOW

//

liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 109,035 others

people It’s over 💔#YN and #HarryStyles are calling it quits after six years of dating. Tap the link in our bio for the full story.

view all 25,364 comments

harryfan1 WHAT?????

ynfan1 NO WAY

harryfan2 nah i don’t believe this

ynfan2 but what about lover??? delicate ??? pov??? so american ??? golden hour ?? paper rings ?? WERE ALL THOSE SONGS NOT REAL

harryfan3 man im so confused right now, how did this happen

ynfan2 lord she must be heartbroken and she has to continue with the tour performing for 70k people every night

harryfan4 this is clearly fake

liked by charlesfan1, ynfan1 and 29,827 others

profesionalfangirlie UM HELLO I JUST MET CHARLES LECLERC AT YN’S SHOW !!???? istg i just wanted a refill for my lavender haze margarita and he was there in line too WTF ?? #thespinnintour

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charlesfan1 NO WAY 😭😭😭

ynfan1 THIS IS SUCH A SLAY

ynfan2 yn is a celebrity to celebrities

charlesfan2 HES SUCH A FANBOY

charlesfan3 i need to see him trading friendship bracelets

charlesfan4 HOTTEST MAN ALIVE

ynfan3 he’s about to experience the best show of his life

charlesfan5 THE CONTENT WE DESERVE

ynfan3 WAS HE AT THE VIP TENT??

↳ profesionalfangirlie i think he’s up there in a suite of the stadium with family and friends

↳ charlesfan1 OHHHH

liked by charlesfan1, charlesfan2 and 9,265 others

charlesupdates “I wanted to give YN a friendship bracelet with my number on it, since I knew her shows were all about friendship bracelets. She didn’t want to meet me after the show so I took it personal. Other than that the show was completely out of this world, she’s amazing.” -Charles on attending the Spinnin Tour for Fedez podcast !

view all 828 comments

charlesfan1 OMG???

charlesfan2 THIS MAN ISTH

ynfan1 girl wtf why didn’t you want to mee him ? @yourinstagram

↳ ynfan2 i bet it was a timing thing and not her actively not wanting to meet him 🥹

charlesfan3 is he shooting his shot ???? publicly

charlesfan4 NOT CHARLES BEGGING FOR A CHANCE

ynfan3 this would be such a powerful ship… ferrari’s golden boy and the pop princess.. do you see the vision…

↳ charlesfan1 I SO DO

INSTAGRAM DMS

//

liked by charles_leclerc, jacobelordi and 6,398,002 others

yourinstagram last night of the spinnin tour in the us 🥹🥹 you can tell by my fave here that i’m going to miss these crowds every single day. THANK YOU for coming to the shows, singing every lyric and making friendship bracelets, all the memories we made together will stay with me forever 💘 LATIN AMERICA YOU’RE NEXT 🇲🇽🇦🇷🇧🇷

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ynfan1 IM SOBBINGGGGGG

ynfan2 IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT SHOWS

arianagrande easily the best show anyone has ever put on, love you sister 🤎

theweeknd The GOAT 🐐

ynfan3 she finished her stadium tour after getting out of a 6 year long relation and being completely heartbroken. she loves her art more than anything

↳ ynfan1 she can do it with a broken heart because she’s THAT good

charles_leclerc Congratulations, excited for what’s coming next 🙌🏻

↳ charlesfan1 CHARLIE ???

↳ charlesfan2 WHATS GOING ON 😭

ynfan4 harry styles you have nothing on her

liked by ynfan1, charlesfan1 and 10,296 others

ynupdates YN AND CHARLES LECLERC OUT AND ABOUT TONIGHT !!!

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ynfan1 HUHHHH???

ynfan2 GOOD GOD

charlesfan1 IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING

ynfan3 wow and some people clowned him when he said he wanted to give yn a bracelet with his number

harryfan1 she’s dating someone already ??? wow

↳ ynfan1 she has all the right do it especially after realizing that she wasted 6 years of her life with someone who never made any sacrifice for her

↳ charlesfan1 ntm that charles has done more in what a week??? (commenting on her posts, holding hands in public, not making her run from the paps) than harry did in 6 years

↳ harryfan2 i will always mourn ynrry

ynfan3 IM SOOO HERE FOR YNS WAG ERA

//

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 9,302,933 others

yourinstagram my first race 🏁 i had the best time with the best people🤍

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ynfan1 OMFGGGGG

charlesfan1 the jacket ????? the bracelet ????? the last pic ????? INSANIYY

dualipa ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

ynfan2 THIS IS SO SERIOUS ALSJAKA

harryfan1 she never posted harry in their 6 years together but she posts dumps about her rebound 😭

↳ ynfan1 as if harry wasn’t an ass who never wanted their relationship to be publicly acknowledged, bffr

ynfan2 IM SO HAPPY FOR HER

charlesfan2 i lowkey love this, charles is proof that persistence is key

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️❤️❤️

↳ charlesfan1 AHHHHHH

↳ charlesfan3 I CANT DO THIS

ynfan3 idk if they’re dating but it’s so good to see her proudly attending events and posting about them and not hiding to please the person she’s with

leclerc_pascale Belle 🤍

↳ charlesfan1 MAAAANNNN ITS SERIOUS

lilyhme queenie ⭐️

↳ ynfan1 told ya she was going to befriend all the wags 😭

liked by scuderiaferrari, yourinstagram and 2,038,766 others

charles_leclerc Perfect race ❤️

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charlesfan1 LOML

ynfan1 perfect bc yn was there so true

arthur_leclerc 🙌🏻

charlesfan2 checo in the back is killing me

ynfan2 HARD LAUNCH YN ON INSTA NOW !!!

leclerc_pascale ❤️

harryfan1 you’ll never be harry

charlesfan3 i need yn on every race now

yourinstagram 😍😍😍❤️‍🔥

↳ ynfan1 HEEEEELP

↳ ynfan2 CONTROL YOURSELF

liked by charlesfan1, ynfan1 and 9,643 others

charlesupdates Charles and YN in Argentina today !! YN has a show there tomorrow, we love a supportive boyfriend 🥺

view all 997 comments

charlesfan1 OMFGGGG

charlesfan2 WE STAN THIS

ynfan1 maannn this is what she deserves, someone who's willing to travel across the globe to support her

↳ ynfan2 i can't believe harry just went to ONE show of the positions tour and we used to think that was the most romantic thing ever

charlesfan3 I KNEWWWW he would be at every show once her tour started again

ynfan3 I CANT WAIT FOR ALL THE CONTENT

charlesfan4 we need a charles cam at the spinnin tour crowd

liked by ynfan1, charlesfan1 and 14,382 others

ynupdates YN JUST CHANGED THE KARMA BRIDGE TO "KARMA IS THE GUY ON THE PITS COMING STRAIGHT HOME TO ME"

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ynfan1 WTFFFF

ynfan2 SHES INSANE 😭

charlesfan1 LORD PLEASE HELP ME

ynfan3 she's so silly. she's also deranged

charlesfan2 what a time to be alive

charlesfan3 MAN I CANT STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO OF CHARLES REACTION

ynfan4 FRUIT BOY YOURE SO OVERRRRR

liked by carlossainz55, yourinstagram and 4,973,229 others

charles_leclerc The Spinnin Tour🤍

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charlesfan1 GOING INSANE

ynfan1 OMG BABYYYYY

leclerc_pascale 💕❤️

ynfan2 FINALLY SOMEONE WHO POSTS ABOUT HER !! AND ATTENDS HER SHOWS !! AND IS SUPPORTIVE !!

charlesfan2 this boy is down BAD

carlossainz55 🙌🏻

ynfan3 i cant believe some people still want her old relationship when we have THIS

charlesfan3 charlie's popstar boyfriend era

yourinstagram thank you for being here 🥺

↳ ynfan1 SHE DESERVES THIS AND MORE

liked by charlesfan1, ynfan1 and 29,265 others

thepopbuzz YN and Charles Leclerc spotted on a yatch in the Bahamas, the couple seems to be enjoying their days off before they have to go back to touring and racing respectively. Tap the link in our bio for more details 👌

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charlesfan1 AHHHHHHHHH

ynfan1 i love one fairytale couple

harryfan1 trying to rewrite history i see

ynfan2 WE STAN

charlesfan2 that should be me

ynfan3 finally a boyfriend who likes pda

charlesfan3 I LOVE THEM SO BAD

liked by yourinstagram, arthur_leclerc and 4,027,119 others

charles_leclerc I wanted to take pictures of my girl but she beat me to it

A much needed break

view all 58,266 comments

charlesfan1 STOP THIS

ynfan1 IM SPIRALING

carlossainz55 Enjoy mates 🙌🏻

lilyhme cuties 💓

charlesfan2 THE BOYFRIEND CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR

ynfan2 HIS 🥹 GIRL 🥹

yourinstagram lover booooy ❤️

↳ ynfan3 AHHHH MY HEART

charlesfan3 we love simp charlieeee

ynfan4 i can’t stress how happy this makes me. from running to get in a van to this

liked by arianagrande, charles_leclerc and 10,278,683 others

yourinstagram SURPRISE !! my new album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT is coming soon 🤍

ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND POETRY

view all 102,826 comments

ynfan1 KAHAIAJAYAABAJAI

ynfan2 WHAT ON EARTH

oliviarodrigo NO WAY ‼️‼️‼️

conangray thank you mother for constantly serving

ynfan3 THE COVER ??? THE NAME ?? THAT LYRIC ??? we’re not ready

charlesfan1 oooohhhh this is exciting

ynfan4 and fruit boy better HIDE

dualipa 🖤🖤🖤🖤

postmalone 🙌🏻

charles_leclerc So proud of you ❤️

↳ charlesfan2 AWEEEEEEES

↳ charlesfan3 i know they just started dating but i hope we get songs about him

[kagakuoniryu]

Alastor x reader I've written randomly to vent about a shitty situation I'm currently living

Summary : a new guest you knew from your past life arrive at the hotel, she was that one person who bullied you throigh high school, but she mooks too angelic to be guilty

Code : E/n (ennemy/name)

Tags : fem reader, etablished relationship, angst for the most part, there will maybe be a part 2, mentions of bullying, reader is TRAUMATIZED, english is not my first language, may have some inaccuracy about the show since I'm just projecting, and of course probably ooc characters

It wasn't a bad day, at least not in a place like hell, it was even quite nice, charlie was babbling about a new team bonding activity as usual, and it was nice being with your friends, until around 2 pm...when a new guest arrived...

Oh you remembered her...from high school, so pretty, so popular, she was you best friends ! You should have been overjoyed to see her down here !

Well...not exactly, because she wasn't your best friend anymore, you hardly bear to be in the same room as her, of anger, from your history and how your friendship ended...but also of fear and dread...

You were both teens back then, you and eager to have many friends ! You had your own group of friends, and she was a separate individual, spending her time with her boyfriend often, that's okay by you, you were happy for her, and when that boy left her you welcomed her with open arms ! You became best friend soon, even inseparable ! You heard her badmouth you to your friend group from time to time, but she told you it was okay, it was "to know who was fake" then, one by one, your friends ghosted you, but you had her, she was there at least, making new friends, each time you introduced her they left soon enough, you thought that maybe you were the problem and stopped trying, your best friend was there after all

Until a boy came along, love at first sight for you, he had everything ! He had so much...your best friend wanted him too...and with that, she had him, when you called her out she called you an homewrecker and a toxic friend getting in the way of her relationship, that ended badly and an argument followed, while you stayed on the down low, she texted your few friends left, and any new friends you managed to make telling them how awful you were, so you ended up closing your media althogether, moving away, and never hearing about her ever again

And there she was, she didn't really looked different from her time on her, a round face and blond hair, she didn't looked like she fitted in hell, but you you were different, your body jointed like a doll, mocking your life as the puppet of those who wanted to play you, but if not your appearance, your personnality changed, you were more confident, your boyfriend was a powerful overlord too ! No, not boyfriend, he proposed a month ago after all, he was your fiancee now, and you had friends, through thick and thin, you knew they wouldn't buy into her lie at least !

Having an hard time to breath you sucked it up, maybe she wouldn't recognize you ?

Wrong

How wrong

"Hello ! Welcome to the hazbin hotel ! Guys this is our new guest !" Charlie started with her usually cheerfulness

"Hi everyone ! My name is E/n, I barely arrived in hell ! And I figured that if I could, I would want to be redeemed ! After all everyone deserves second chances !" The girl said back

Her voice hasn't changed, neither her tone, that fake nice tone you used to hear every day, here, one again in flesh and blood, not through a phone, not through class, but..here...

Breathing harder than ever, you only went back to reality when husk called out to you

"Hey ? You seem weird, like you've seen some ghost ?" His tone nonchalant as always showed half concerns, but for him, it was a lot

"A glass, of whiskey, or vodka, whatever you got, strongest you got please"

"Wowowo...alright, that's not your type to drink, what's up...?"

"I-I...I know this girl...she...listens, I can't be in her presence sober, I knew her from where I was alive...we had...some bad conflict...she did some awful things to me, and I got bad issues after that...I said some mean things to her too, we were kids, but since then I'm scared I'll lose all my friends again !"

Husk just nodded at my whispered rant, trying to calm myself, I didn't even insisted on a glass and went straight to my own room since alastor and I didn't shared one yet, not before marriage he said

Later that day, angel vaggie and charlie passed by my room, concerned by my absence, I told them everything, how I ended up abandonning the notion of making friends when I was alive, the calls, the insults, they looked at me with compassion, charlie said she believes that she could have changed, and even if I doubted it, I wanted to believes it

Alastor arrived to spend some quality time with me, dancing on old jazz music far from my time, reading a book, basking in silence with each others

After a while, I thought I could talk about E/n with him, he was my fiancee after all ?

"Al ?" I started, unsure

"Yes my dear ?"

"You know about that new guest at the hotel ?"

"Ah yes, what a cultivated lady, quite entertaining, she was really into songs from the 1980s not my style at all, we had a long discussion about music genres, she's actually quite against modern technology and that picture show"

"Oh...so...you like her company ?"

"She is not insufferable if that's your question"

Finally you decided against your first idea, perhaps she had changed in the end ? Perhaps a new friendship was possible ? With healthy fondation, you could get your bestfriend back !

Wrong again

You revealed her the next day who you were, well, used to be, what linked the two of you back in the living realms, for others, nothing changed, but for you it was subtle, for exemple she never interrupted anyone, but when it came to you each time your mouth opened she would cut you out

She was such a charmer too, a quality you envied her, her audience was captivated, and soon even alastor was her aquaintance, he presented her rosie of course ! Just like he did for charlie !

And just like he did for you...

Rosie found her delightful, and from your tea parties at 3 with her and alastor, became 4, adding E/n

A comment about your appearance back in high school, an embarassing moment you had, a silly crush, every single detail of your life was used to mock you, even your crush on a video game character

Soon you always found excuses to avoid going to the tea party, and spend most of our time outside of the hotel, feeling akward in her presence

You tried talking about it to charlie or maybe vaggie, to no avail, they said how nice E/n was and how much progress she was making, if they weren't saying you sounded silly thinking that in these 3 weeks she took your place, you still felt like it...

And it all confirmed when, after a whole day of searching for everyone, they finally came back to the hotel from shopping...without you

"Finally you're here toots ! We tried searching for ya before going but you weren't anywhere !" Angel started, holding many bags in each arms

"What do you mean ? I was in my room all day ?"

"Wait you weren't out ? E/n told us she saw you leave ?"

"Oh I'm sorry my eyes deceived me...next time I'll still check your room !" As everyone looked sorry I couldn't help but see it, even for a second...

She smirked...

Of course she did, she never changed

This started becoming common occurence, either the others left you behind, or you could leave the entire day without them noticing, and at some point, angel, husk and sir pentious started to distance themselves from you

"Hey angel, hum...you wanna hang out...? Go to a club, or drink with husk, just spend some time betweens pal ?"

"Sorry sweet cheeks, but we're partying with E/n tonight and...she doesn't feel comfortable around you..."

"Wha ? Angel what are you talking about ?"

"She told us about it, about the two of you, hos jealous and manipulative you were, you even tried to make her dump her boyfriend, that wasn't cool of you, I don't want to take side on this, but if I hang out with one of you, I'd rather not force her to be with the other for both your sanities"

"Oh...ok"

That's all you could have mustered, because what was there to muster, you were in hell, all the proof you used to have were on your previous phone in the living realm, but even if angel and the other favored her, mayne your fiancee could understand your side ?

Gently you knocked on alastor's hotel room as he called you to come in, he was currently eating his dinner, a...fresh venison...but you shook your head lightly, taking a sit across the table

"Al, can I vent to you for a bit...?"

"What is it my dear ? But please, spare me your story with E/n, as much as I love a good gossip, the young lady did you a favor by never taking vengance in the living realm, I wouldn't want the two of you to get in troubles once again"

"Al, please it's serious, she's telling lies about le ! And you believes her ? I'm your fiancee ! She's in hell as well !"

"And so are you, and so am I, I am not interested in knowing the why who is were, but I admit your little querrel is...quite entertaining !"

"So your fiancee see her ex bully...and all you think about is entertainment ?"

"Well, ma chère (my dear) as far as we are all concerned, without proof, both of you could be the liar, it's about, who's able to convince the public, just like on a stage"

Alastor's half sadistic smile didn't amused you, you just sighed, getting up, wamking slowly toward the exit of his room, if even your own fiancee, the man you loved refused to believes you, who would ?

You couldn't see alastor's curious expression as you left, he just wanted to prolounge the fun and not outright gives you the solution, but seeing you give up almost made him that for once he screwed up badly

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt4

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

About You Series 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

A/N: took me a while to update but here it is! Let me know your thoughts about this

Taglist: @spideybv28@randomcuboidshape @mehrmonga @casperlikej @cliosunshine @honethatty12 @randomgirlnumber-13 @sugyomama @ririyulife @skywalker1dream @vicurious28 @cristianovettel

2010, Bahrain International Circuit

Seb: Hey, did you already leave? Can we talk? Seb: Happy holidays Y/N, I hope you are spending time with the family Seb: Its a new year, I hope you get a better year. Seb: Aren't you going to pre-season testing? Seb: Hope to see you in Bahrain

Y/N sighed as she read the messages over and over again. It's quite an asshole move to leave Sebastian on read but Y/N couldn't bring herself to reply to the messages because she was hurt by their last conversation. The heavy feeling is even more aggravated because all she ever wanted was to hear a simple sorry from Sebastian.

Unfortunately, that's the only message that Sebastian hasn't sent.

"Are you still not talking with Sebastian?"Mark enters the room.

Mark knew that Sebastian and Y/N had a fallout after Abu Dhabi. At first, he was a bit clueless about what's happening but with Y/N constantly shutting herself in her room and Mark getting a glimpse of the one-sided conversation-it was difficult to ignore it.

The whole thing became even more hard to ignore when Sebastian resulted to texting Mark over the winter break to check on Y/N. Mark tried to ask Sebastian about what happened but Sebastian said that he just said some things that can make a friend feel hurt.

Bullshit, that's what Mark said in his mind. He knew that her sister won't be moping and act like this if its something as simple as that.

"I don't wanna talk about him" she grumbled.

"You know that you have to talk to him eventually"Mark ever the rational "He is our co-worker and we have to be professional in work."

It's something that Y/N knows. She knows that she will not place her professionalism in jeopardy but as much as she could she would delay talking to Sebastian. Her fear is that if she ends up forgiving Sebastian, without him asking for it, then this situation might repeat again.

"I won't let work interfere with Seb"Y/N assured.

There was a silence between the two Webbers. It was a comfortable silence where they seem to be using their siblings communication signals to determine if they should push the topic or not.

"He got pole position today, it might give Red Bull a fight for championship don't you think" Mark offered "Maybe you can talk to him like congratulate him for a conversation starter"

"I'm well-aware Mark, I have been watching the qualifying"

She was actually debating whether she would say a simple congrats knowing how proud Sebastian is with his pole. If this was last year, she would have been there at the parc femme. However, things aren't easy like that.

"You can talk to me about anything okay?" Mark reminded. Maybe at the back of Mark's head, he feels like there are more to this than just a petty friendship fight. But he didn't want to push her sister to being annoyed with his constant questions.

"I promise I will when the time is right."

"You know maybe if Sebastian loses the race then maybe you should see it as a sign to talk to him"Mark joked a bit to lighten the mood

"That's mean"Y/N playfully punched her brother "That's never going to happen he is on pole"

"Why not if he does not get a podium finish then you will talk to him"

"Are you seriously jinxing your team Mark?"Y/N laughed

"Okay, that's a deal"

"I tell you that its never gonna happen"Y/N assured.

And its like the universe played a cruel joke on Y/N, Sebastian did not have a podium finish. He still finished 4th but knowing Sebastian, the German driver is obviously frustrated.

Mark did not finish well but he has this knowing smirk on his face as he nudged his sister's ribs. Y/N resisted the urge to slap him at the back of his head since they were in front of a lot of Red Bull sponsors.

"Go on and talk to him" Mark whispered"I promise to behave here"

Y/N took a detour to the catering and grabbed an orange. She immediately went to Sebastian's driver room where she saw Britta exiting.

"Y/N, what are you doing here?" she quizzed the younger Webber "I thought you and Seb weren't in speaking terms"

"Well I think with what happened today then I have to check up on him"Y/N replies.

Britta could just hug Y/N because she knows that Sebastian was really in a terrible mood after losing out the podium. It would mean a lot for Y/N to speak to Sebastian before Britta could bring him back for media duties.

"I'll stall the media for a bit, I'm giving you 10 minutes okay?" BrItta informed

"Thanks B"

Y/N felt nervous whether how to start a conversation with Sebastian. She fiddles with the orange in her hand as she walked in the room to seek the German driver.

"Seb?"

Sitting in the corner of the room, Sebastian looked up. His eyes were red, obviously from crying, and his hair was in complete disarray.

"Y/N?" Sebastian was confused "You're here?"

"I figure you need an orange"

In essence, Y/N didn't want to brush things off like that. She didn't want to appear out of the blue and be friends with Sebastian again. But the moment that Sebastian hugged her, it all melted away. She thought of nothing else as she missed this.

Sebastian too was thinking of the same thing. He wanted to apologize in person and he wanted to do it right now. However, he didn't want to ruin the moment. He just got her back.

Somehow its both of their fault that they brush off things like that.

2010, Albert Park

Sebastian, Mark, and Y/N arrived in Australia a couple of days before the race so as tradition goes Sebastian was once again a guest to Webber's family dinners. Sebastian feels at home with the family and even helped with the dinner preparations.

"Where's Y/N" Mr. Webber asked

"Y/N went to the market to buy some lemons that mum needs" Mark informed "She should have been here an hour ago"

"Should I give her a call?" Sebastian asked

Like a perfect cue, the door opens revealing Y/N.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I got a little bit of a car problem and its a good thing that I got someone to help me. "Y/N greeted "I hope you don't mind setting up another plate for dinner"

Of course, no one minded. The table was big enough to add guests. Sebastian was bringing the plates to the dining room when he was surprised to see Jenson Button standing there.

"What are you doing here" Sebastian was quick to ask

"Jenson is the one that helped me fix my car, thank God for drivers right?" Y/N replies

This annoyed Sebastian greatly but he knows that he cannot let his emotions get the best of him. He remembered how he acted the last time in Abu Dhabi and he surely doesn't want a repeat of that. It's just so annoying that Jenson Button is always at the scene of the crime when it comes to Y/N.

"Jenson?" Mark was also confused "You are in Australia early"

"Got an early flight, I was touring around and then I saw Y/N" Jenson smiles.

Knowing the previous history of Y/N and Jenson, Mark was also very skeptical. The seating arrangement ended up with Y/N between Mark and Sebastian while Jenson is sitting across Sebastian.

Dinner went on great, the dishes were great, but Sebastian could not shake this horrible feeling in his stomach. He hated how Jenson was mingling well and joking around with the whole family. Jenson had a way with Mrs. Webber, complimenting her food and the homey space decorations.

Still, Sebastian tried to push the green monster of envy away.

"Jenson, didn't you date my daughter Y/N before?" Mr. Webber remembered

"DAD"Y/N and Mark immediately hissed

"What, I'm just curious that's all" the eldest Webber defended

Jenson had a boyish smirk gracing his face and Sebastian wanted to punch that smirk on his face. He knew that if he didn't punch Jenson then Mark would.

"Well we went on a date for one time but that's it were good friends" Jenson explained

"But why Y/N, Jenson seems like a good lad plus he is a world champion" Mrs Webber butted in.

She seems to have grown fond of the British driver in such a short span of time. Her fondness is a stark contrast to the irritation that Sebastian has been feeling.

"Me and Jense are cool as friends, right?" Y/N cleared out

"Well if you wanna go on a date again, I wouldn't mind"Jensen jokingly stated.

Jealousy is a disease that Sebastian Vettel is inflicted with. Maybe its because Jenson already has two things that he really wanted which is a championship and a date with the girl he really liked. But whatever Sebastian was feeling, he kept it at bay for the sake of peace.

Anyways, he can run over Jenson on track.

2010, Sepang International Circuit

Y/N has to say that this is a very difficult start of the season for Red Bull. Mark and Sebastian went on winning poles yet they haven't won during the actual races. To say that she was ecstatic to see the Red Bull P1-P2 for today's race is not enough to describe how she is feeling.

Looking up at the podium and seeing the two drivers smiling at each other, Y/N took that opportunity to snap a photo of them. She prayed for more weekends like this as both drivers deserve this kind of victories.

Once the celebration ended, she went back to the motorhome to get her things and to meet up with the two drivers. However, she saw a group of Red Bull crew huddled up in a corner.

It was not her business to eavesdrop but hearing her brother's name being mentioned, she stayed hidden to hear what they have to say.

"Mark is an unfortunate case, he could have won today" one of them voiced out "He was at fault for losing his pole advantage a while ago"

"True and Vettel is obviously a better driver, look at him creating history and he just started last year"another mechanic agreed.

"I heard from Helmut that Vettel will be there championship bet"

"What happens to Mark then?"

"He will settle being a second driver and defending Sebastian obviously"

"Do you think Mark would agree?"

"If I were Mark, I would look for another team. There is no chance for a championship here if my teammate is obviously better than me"

All the highs that she has been feeling a while ago has faded into nothingness. Y/N felt herself conflicted with the situation ahead. If what they are saying is true then Y/N would be the one that will be in the middle of that battlefield.

This is Mark's dream for so long to win a championship. He have done his best to improve himself, she has seen the sleepless nights he had and how hard he tries to get a podium win every single race.

On the other hand, Y/N has also seen Sebastian's tears whenever he failed to finish or deliver. She knows that Sebastian lives and breathe racing for as long as he can remember. He wanted a championship badly as well.

It is just unfair that one of them has to compromise for the team. There shouldn't be a first driver or second driver but Y/N understands that every team had this. She felt miserable as she remembered hearing what happened to Rubens when he was the second driver to Michael Schumacher. She didn't want anyone to feel that way, ever.

"Y/N! Hello earth to Y/N"

In her deep thoughts, she haven't noticed that Mark and Sebastian was in front of her. Both were still in their race gear and the champagne smell wafts through the air.

"Oh, I didn't see you there Mark and Seb" Y/N emphasized loudly on their last name so that those gossip crew would be aware that the two are around.

"You're acting weird, we have been calling you for a long time already." Mark confusedly stated.

"Never mind about that, I just got a lot of things going on" Y/N assured

"Hey Nico invited us for dinner, let's celebrate?" Sebastian asked

"Sure, sure"

The two Red Bull drivers are laughing and joking around as they walked around with Y/N. Y/N tried to smile and join them but there was something that has been bugging her head.

In the end, she will put that conversation she heard of in the back of her head. She prays that it never happens because if she will be forced to choose sides, she didn't want to do that.

2010, Monte Carlo Circuit

Sebastian remembered how last year, Y/N has been a bit sick during Monaco so she was unable to do a yacht trip. Mark kept on sending her photos. It was meant to be a good gesture and to let her know that he misses her but it only made Y/N a lot more upset. She ended up texting Sebastian and whining about how that stupid stomach bug made her miss out this golden opportunity.

Yacht trips and the lavish life of Monaco is certainly not Sebastian's style. This is why it is common that he would be the last person to go to Monaco and the first one to leave. So just imagine everyone's surprise when he was in Monaco 3 days early for race week and he was going around looking for yacht trips.

It comes even more of a surprise when Y/N Webber has also been spotted in Monaco quite early for the race. No Mark Webber in sight though which raises everyone's eyebrows.

"So care to explain to me what are we doing?" Y/N asked.

She was dying of curiosity ever since Sebastian asked her to come early to Monaco. It was rare that Sebastian was so secretive because he will normally blabber everything to her.

"I'm not telling you until we get there" comes Sebastian's teasing comment.

"Oh c'mon I flew all over the world to see you"

"It's worth it, I promise"

Sebastian drove around Monaco and finally reaching the docks. He can feel that Y/N has the gears in her head already turning. There was an excited look on her face when she realized what they are about to do.

"Sebastian Vettel, tell me you did not!"Y/N tried to control her excitement "Are we really going on a yacht trip?"

"Well its your birthday week so I figure you might need a tour around Monaco on a yacht"Sebastian's nonchalant answer caused Y/N to scream.

It was a dream come true for Y/N. She had been dreaming of going around Monaco on a yacht for so long but her duties as Mark's assistants coupled by several unfortunate events prevented her from doing that dream.

Sebastian led her to the yacht and the two set off for an entire day of the yacht experience. Y/N wouldn't know but Sebastian specifically learned how to yacht for this purpose and this purpose only. He also called Mrs. Webber to ask for Y/N's favorite dishes so he has them prepared for lunch and dinner.

The whole day was spent floating around Monaco. They took a swim at one point and now they are lounging at the front while waiting for the sun to set.

"This is really a lot of effort Seb, thank you" Y/N began "I really appreciate this whole day"

If only Sebastian could tell her that he should be the one thanking her. Seeing her happy makes him extremely happy.

"It's nothing much" that's how Sebastian managed to answer

Y/N rolls her eyes, she sees right through that lie. Maybe for Sebastian this is nothing much but for her who doesn't earn as much as an F1 driver then this is really a lot.

"Oh before I forget, I still have one gift left" Sebastian said "Here you go"

It was a small black box with a gold ribbon. There was a scrawl on it in Sebastian's handwriting saying happy birthday Y/N. It made the girl raise her eyebrows.

"Seb I can't accept this, this seems really pricey"

Y/N got that right. Sebastian spent a long time looking for this gift since he customized it and it took a while for it to be created. But of course, Sebastian won't admit to that.

"Just take it" Seb pushed the gift back to her.

"I'm scared to open it" she whines

"Okay what if you don't open it and then I'll just hand it to you" Sebastian suggested "That way then you can't give it back"

"Got it, should I close my eyes to prepare myself"

"Go ahead"

Its so cliche for the two of them as it looks like it was taken from a movie scene. Sebastian unwrapped the gift and took the necklace out of the velvet pouch. It shimmers against the setting sun as he placed the necklace gently on her hand.

"You can open your eyes now" Sebastian said

Y/N lets out a soft gasp upon opening her eyes. It was a silver chained blue diamond necklace. There was some eerie similarities with the heart of the ocean necklace from titanic but this one is like the less flashier version. Sebastian have heard multiple stories back in the Webber household how Y/N absolutely loved Titanic as a little kid and Sebastian couldn't think of anything more iconic as gifting her a very own version of the heart of the ocean.

"Seb, you're making me cry. This is too beautiful" Y/N muttered in awe.

"I always see you fiddling with your necklace when you are nervous especially when someone crashed or its a wet race" Sebastian explained "I hope this can help assure you that everything will be alright"

Y/N felt speechless and she could feel the utter care that was placed in this gift. So what she does next is remove the necklace hanging on her neck.

"What's this?" it was now his turn to be puzzled.

"Well I can't wear this necklace and that at the same time" Y/N reasoned "So I'm giving you my necklace. Its my star sign, taurus which is represented by a bull so red bull"

Sebastian looked at the necklace in his hand. He felt very grateful and it seems like a charm for him to carry to his races.

"Thank you"

There was so much more that Sebastian wanted to say but he couldn't ruin this moment. He was happy to make her happy even if its just a friend.

Soon, he tells himself.

If he wins in Monaco then he would gather all his courage to ask her out. He will give everything for this race this weekend so he can finally stop this dilly-dallying. He gives out a silent wish to the universe that they make his wish come true.

News flash, Sebastian didn't win the Monaco GP 2010.

[bunnliix]

𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕚𝕟 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Based on a dialogue prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting, and I thought Yungi as a duo fit it.

This was so fun to write, and if it's not already a little obvious, I enjoy writing college AUs haha. They're fun to write, as I'm in college myself.

prompt: “You’re both so smart and yet so stupid.” word count: 2.4k warnings: Mingi and reader being stupid, Yunho being the kinda smart one, worries about unreciprocated crushes, a smattering of angst

The three of them had been friends since their first day of highschool. Well, Mingi and Yunho had been friends since childhood, but they met and basically adopted y/n into their little circle almost instantaneously after they had met in their homeroom. It was an interesting friendship in the eyes of most others, Yunho being the outgoing member of the group, while Mingi and y/n were the introverts, but it worked for them, and they had all decided on going to the same university after high school. That’s how they got to this point, being second years in university, Yunho pursuing an English degree, Mingi with his music degree, and y/n with her history degree. 

With how different their degrees are, they rarely had classes together now that they’re all second years, but they took care to see that their schedules all matched up at least once a week, which usually meant lunch breaks together. They all looked forward to seeing each other, though y/n sometimes dreaded them.

Since their last year of high school, y/n had developed massive crushes on both boys. She couldn’t help it, they were attractive, and honestly they ticked every box on her checklist of what she wanted in a boyfriend. She’s never said anything to either boy, fearful of what would happen to their friendship, and she could never give up a friendship for a relationship. She’d prefer shoving her feelings about them into a box forever, than risk it all, risk the trio’s friendship for her crushes. She didn’t think she’d be able to choose one of them anyways, her love was for both of them, not just one.

Even if she was able to choose, she didn’t want to think how that would impact her friendship with them, or their friendship with each other. So she kept her mouth shut, and enjoyed their friendship, ignoring her own yearnings for more.

She was currently sitting down in the quieter part of the university’s food court, waiting for her two friends to arrive. Her class had gotten out early, and so she decided to wait at the food court, so that they had a good table. She didn’t have to wait long for her two boys to show up, as she saw them walking towards her, smiles on their faces. 

“Hey! Did you wait long for us?” Mingi asked as they both sat down.

“I didn’t, I got here maybe five minutes ago?” She said, voice going higher at the end as she was unsure of how much time had passed.

“Oh that’s good. Both of our classes ran a bit late, so we were worried that you’d be waiting a long time.” Yunho said, relieved that she hadn’t waited long.

“I’d wait forever for you both, so you don’t have to worry about that.” She told them, before realizing how that could be taken, and a light blush appeared on her face.

Yunho immediately realized the non-platonic meaning of her words pretty quickly. His friend hadn’t been that subtle with her feelings, he knew that she liked both Mingi and himself, but knew that she’d never say a word about how she felt. He knew both himself and his friend felt the same way, but Mingi, oh sweet Mingi was so oblivious. The man may be a genius at producing and creating music, but he was so dumb when it came to matters of love. 

Yunho himself, has loved Mingi for almost as long as they’ve known each other, and y/n, since their second year of highschool. He had the same dilemma y/n was facing after he realized his crush on her, not sure of how to reconcile with wanting both of them, wanting to be with both of them. This led him into finding out what polyamory was, and after a lot of learning, he’s okay with his feelings, though like y/n, a bit too scared to change their dynamic.

Mingi was just dumb when it came to love, at least when it came to recognizing that others felt the same way. He knew very well his own feelings, that he’s loved both of his best friends for years now. He was the first to fall for both of them, and he’s been quiet on the topic of his crush on Yunho, but he’s spoken to his friend about his crush on the third part of their trio, and his fears on how if he said anything, that maybe she’d say no, or it would just destroy their entire friendship, and he couldn’t bear doing that, so he stayed quiet on the matter. 

So the three of them all stayed silent on their feelings, even if they knew the feelings of the others. 

Regardless of that, they spent their time between classes catching each other up on their class antics or drama, as well as bemoaning their homework and assignments, as always. Y/n was saddled with the heaviest workload of the three, from a writing aspect. Yunho wasn’t too far behind, however, and Mingi got off the lightest, but instead he had a lot of work that relegated him to the studio instead. 

“Well, back to classes it is.” Mingi groaned.

“You’re going to come over after your classes are done, y/nnie?” Yunho looked down at her, and she nodded to confirm. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna head over to your guys’ place right after my class lets out.” She told them.

“What way are you both heading?” She asked, since they usually split up from the table, but they were so engrossed in conversation that they all continued walking out of the hall.  

“We’re both heading this way, I think?” Yunho answered for both of them, Mingi nodding along in agreement.

“Oh! I am too! So we can keep talking today.” Y/n commented, happy.

This brought a smile onto the two boys’ faces, honestly whenever she smiled, they had to, her smile was contagious. It brought them so much joy to see her happy, and for them, that’s what mattered the most. 

Since y/n’s class was the first they passed, the two left her there after saying their goodbyes, before heading towards Yunho’s classroom.

“Her smile makes me swoon, Yunho. I’m so fucking screwed. I’ve been screwed since the moment she walked into our lives, and I’m not sure what to do.” Mingi confided in Yunho as they walked down the quiet hallways of the English department. 

“Why don’t you say something to her? You’ll never know how she’ll react unless you say something to her.” Yunho advised Mingi, but also felt saddened that the man he was in love with, maybe didn’t love him back. Why else would he constantly talk about his crush on y/n with him, if the man didn’t see him as just a friend. Eventually, Yunho had to head into class, which left Mingi to head to the studio by himself. 

A while later…

Yunho had opened the door to his and Mingi’s apartment, and after removing his shoes, walked over to their couch and flopped down on it. He was so tired from today, and honestly, he couldn’t stop thinking about his two best friends, they were both so pretty today. He just wanted to kiss them both senseless, but they just had to be so fucking oblivious, didn’t they?

He laid on the couch groaning over the stupidity of his crushes until he heard the door open, looking up to see both of them walk in. Of course they both entered at the same time, think of the devils and they shall appear, it actually works. 

“Oh, Yunho, you got back earlier than us!” Mingi commented after seeing the taller man on the couch.

“I got here about five minutes ago, so I haven’t been home long.

Y/n came to sit on the couch by his feet, having dropped her bag by the door. She smiled over at him, before moving her feet to place them on either side of Yunho’s legs. This moved the man to push himself up on the couch, to give her more room to spread out.

“How were your classes?” He asked her, to which she just shrugged.

Her classes had been boring, and besides she barely paid attention in them. The only thoughts running through her head that afternoon were how much she wanted to say something to them, to tell them about her feelings. Her train of thoughts started down the spiral of every bad thing that could happen if she spoke about how she felt, and she brought her legs into her chest and rested her head on them, unable to look Yunho in the eyes any longer. 

Yunho frowned at seeing her curl into herself, and once Mingi returned to the living room, so did he.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you like this?” The music major asked her, kneeling down next to her.

Hearing the concern from her crush only made her feel sadder, knowing that she was only a friend, that his concern for her came from friendliness, nothing more. She shook her head, unable to open her mouth, if she spoke she’d spill everything. She felt her head get tilted upwards, but she kept her gaze down, not having the courage to look at either of them.

“Y/n, look at me, please.” Yunho pleaded with her, and it worked. She couldn’t bear to hear him sound so sad.

“Talk to us, sweetheart.” He asked her.

She shook her head. “It’d ruin everything. I can’t.” She said, tears rolling down her cheeks as she looked up at him and Mingi, who had moved to Yunho’s side. 

“What are you talking about? You’re not going to ruin anything Y/nnie. We promise.” Mingi promised her, tears gathering in his own eyes at seeing her cry.

Yunho breathed in, knowing exactly why she was like this. God, Mingi and her were so similar it hurts him. They’re both so filled with fear at ruining things, when he knows that none of them would let that happen. They were both so stupid when it came to love, and he couldn’t help but laugh out loud, though he immediately regretted it as he saw y/n face fill with hurt.

“Oh baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry for laughing, but I couldn’t help but laugh at you and Mingi.” Yunho told her, eyes filled with sincerity.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Mingi questioned, confused but a little upset.

“You’re both so smart and yet so stupid.” Was all Yunho said at first.

“Yah! What do you mean by that?!” Mingi exclaimed, hitting Yunho in the shoulder.

“You’re both pining after each other, and you’re both too blind to see it!” He revealed their crushes on each other, while being sad that one of his crushes may not be reciprocated. 

“I have a crush on you too!” “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids!” Y/n and Mingi blurted out as they looked at Yunho, who in turn was shocked that they both were in love with him too.

“Well I guess that makes three idiots in love.” Y/n said, recovering from the shock of it all first. 

“I guess it does.” Yunho said, blushing.

Mingi pulled Yunho into a searing kiss, relieved that he was finally able to do so after so many years, as y/n watched, getting a little hot and bothered from watching them. Her crushes actually liked her back.

When the boys pulled back for some air, Yunho reached out to y/n, and the girl grabbed his hand and let him pull her closer to the two. Mingi ran his fingers through her hair as Yunho leaned down to kiss her cheek.

“Why does he get a kiss and not me?” She whined, to which Mingi quickly shut her up with a kiss, wrapping an arm around her waist. Yunho bit his lip as he watched them, eyes wide.

Y/n returned the kiss wholeheartedly, but let Mingi take control, knowing she’d never overpower the taller man. Fuck, this is what she’s dreamed of for years and it’s finally happening. She never wanted this moment to end, but as he pulled away for air, she found that she didn’t mind as much, since Yunho swooped in to kiss her himself. She was in heaven right now, she couldn’t be happier than she was in this moment, in between her two crushes, who liked her back and she finally felt all the weight and anxiety over this fall away, replaced with unadulterated happiness.

She slowly pulled away from Yunho when she was just about out of air, but smiled at him as she pulled back enough to look at the two of them.

“So, now that we’ve all revealed our feelings, what does that mean for us?” She asked.

“I’ve wanted to date you both for years. So I’d like to have you both as my girlfriend and boyfriend, respectively.” Yunho said, looking at both of them.

“That’s what I want too.” Mingi piped up, and they could still see some tears in his eyes.

“Well, we’re all on the same page then, it seems. I finally have the two boyfriends of my dreams.” She said, giggling to herself at the end.

“It’s not gonna be too different from how we normally act, just a bit more touching and maybe some kissing too.” Yunho said, smiling from ear to ear.

“Lots of kissing, if I have my way.” Mingi smirked, suddenly gaining confidence now that everything was out in the open.

Y/n blushed at that thought, she felt like kissing would be the least of her worries with these boys as her boyfriends. Mingi was already shaping up to be a menace of a boyfriend, and she was sure Yunho would be the same, if not a bit sweeter. Mingi laid on top of her, squishing her as she protested, saying that she’s getting crushed. Mingi responded by peppering her face with kisses, before ending it with a kiss on her lips.

“Okay, let’s not crush our girlfriend, yeah?” Yunho, ever the voice of reason, said as he pulled Mingi off of her. 

He pulled the slightly shorter man until Yunho’s chest was touching Mingi’s back, and Mingi beckoned her to come join them. She laid chest to chest on the music major, and smiled up at him and Yunho. This was how they spent the rest of the night, touching each other in some way, even after they had to get off of the couch. Oh, and lots of kissing of course, that was a given with Mingi around.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling a girl her boyfriend is cheating on her

My ( 17F) best friend (17M) recently got back together with his ex girlfriend. The broke up for the first time about a year ago after a six month relationship and then got back together two months ago im pretty sure . She is a very sweet girl , admittedly i dont know her that well but she seems nice , while my best friend , despite how much i love him , has made a lot of mistakes in his life and he cas been a real jerk in the past . For some reason she decided she wanted him back , even if the break up was very terrible and she started flirting with him again .About two months ago , when they where in the talking stage me and that friend hooked up . I didnt think much of it because they werent officially back together and handt talked about being exclusive , despite there being a lot of rumors of them dating again

Couple weeks from the hook up pass and he texts me very late at night drunk out of his mind , asking me to come over to his appartment. He and the girl at that point had officially gone on a couple of dates and where in am exlusive relationship. I wrote it off again , thinking he was drunk and stupid and that the relationship was new and he still had a little room for making mistakes like that

Another week passes and he texts me again asking me to come to his apartment to hook up , only this time he was very sober . I reject him again , only that time i mentioned his girlfriend and i told him that dming girls asking for hook ups is borderline cheating and that if he wants things to work out with his girlfriend he needs to stop it with the booty calls . He apologized imidietly and said hed never hit on me again

I thought that was the end of that , that he had finally settled down amd would stop with the hitting on random women . Well last night he texts me again explaining how hes dming this chick who is not his girlfriend , who i know for a fact he really really wants to fuck and hes asking me for advive and asking me how he can play it so she agrees to go out with him .

To my knowledge he hasnt hooked up with anyone since getting back together with his girlfriend , but i have proof in screenshots that he has hit on other girls with the intentions of sleeping with them . I dont particularly care about his girlfriend, and even though hes a jerk i really care about him , and we have a complicated history and i would feel very bad if i ruined this relationship for him . I have at multiple times tried to convince him to break up , or even ask for an open relationship but he wont listen . If i send the screenshots to his girlfriend our friendship would be ruined , and also its not really my place at all , shes the one who wanted to get back together with a man shw knew for a fact to be a jerk , she knew what he was like , they dated for a long time when the first got together and he had very similar behaviours . I think i should just let her discover it on her own .

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

The Distance

Note: well... this was unplanned and came out of nowhere. I wrote this in less than two hours so don't expect a masterpiece, but just a fun little story.

Warnings: 18+! smut and a faint hint of angst.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: You were desperate to meet your online boyfriend.

wordcount: 2,3k

Masterlist

You had been waiting for this day to come for years. For too many years actually, if you were honest. So many years that sometimes you even wondered if Sihtric was real.

But you knew he was real, because you facetimed each other daily. It was hard, being in a long distance relationship and living in different countries while struggling to make a decent living. You and Sihtric both just never had found the time or the money to make the big step to visit each other. Until one night you broke down and told Sihtric you didn't know how much longer you could continue this relationship without finally meeting him.

'I can't take it anymore,' you cried on the phone with your camera switched off while his was on.

You didn't want Sihtric to see you like that, all tired and empty because you had survived yet another rough day at work and came home to an empty apartment once again. All you wanted was to step into your home and be able to be wrapped into his arms, but it was only something you could dream and fantasise about. And you saw how Sihtric just sat with his head in his hands, his fingers compulsive raking through his curls while he listened to your sobs, his heart pounding out of his chest while his stomach turned.

'So… so you want to… break up?' he asked, the tremble in his voice betraying his heartbreak and shock.

'No,' you sniffled, 'not at all. I just need to see you. I need to know if this is all worth it. It's been seven years, Sihtric. Seven years and we never met. Are we wasting our lives?'

Sihtric sighed and sadly agreed. It had been absolutely ridiculous that you still hadn't been able to meet up. But Sihtric told you he couldn't take a week off at short notice just to make something of an emergency trip to finally see you, no matter how much he wanted to.

'I can come to you,' you eased his mind, 'you don't need to take any time off. You can just go to work during the day, I don't mind that at all. I have two weeks off after today, I can make it. I just really need to see you.'

'But what about the money?' he worried, 'we both know it's expensive-'

'I can make it,' you said again, 'I just have to see you.'

Sihtric offered to pay for your plane ticket, even if it would make him go nearly bankrupt, but you refused his gesture and made the rash decision to spend all your savings within a span of ten minutes. Your trip to Dunholme, the small village your internet boyfriend lived in, was booked not much later and you were to leave on Saturday morning, the day after tomorrow. You would land at Birmingham airport, and since Sihtric had the weekend off, he agreed to pick you up there.

And it all seemed so surreal, when you stepped into the plane with barely any money left in your account. You hoped this would be all worth it, you just had to know if he was worth it.

You had met Sihtric online through an online community seven years ago. You both shared the same interest in medieval history and quickly began to exchange knowledge in private messages. You only knew each other's usernames for the first half year of your online friendship, and Sihtric was baffled when you told him you were a young lady, and not some random old guy. And when Sihtric told you his age was close to yours, you were also pleasantly surprised, as you had expected to be talking to someone who was most likely in his sixties. But even before you gained all that knowledge about each other, there was already a connection established and soon conversations weren't just about history anymore, but about private matters and the regular daily life too. But once you knew each other's name, age and gender, conversations became even easier and more fun.

One afternoon Sihtric was bored and joked around that he wanted to facetime you, thinking you wouldn't be up for it, but when you answered the call and you both finally saw the face behind the username, you were immediately smitten with each other. Sihtric was so good looking that you were almost angry he never called you before. His hair was dark and short, shaved on the sides and his facial hair was minimal but well kept nonetheless. You loved his tattoos and his voice made you lightheaded and your knees weak. And his smile was absolutely to die for. 

Luckily Sihtric felt the same about you, and he insisted on facetiming you almost every day ever since, which you didn't refuse. Naturally, it didn't take long before you were head over heels for each other and spent every free waking second of the day talking to each other. This went on for years and years, growing a bit older with each other online and helping each other through various stages in life; from grief to finding new jobs and to surprise each other by getting different haircuts unannounced. You had seen Sihtric with several haircuts over the years. After a few years of talking he decided to grow out his hair and one day suddenly appeared on your screen with half of his head shaved. You were mortified at first, but you quickly grew to love it. And a few years after that he once again grew out his hair and started to braid the top while leaving his dark curls hanging loose in the back, and you loved it.

And now, when you were one day from finally seeing him in real life, his hair was still at shoulder length but the sides were shaved again. He usually had his hair loose, looking a little feral with his wild hair at times, but when the weather became warmer he'd either braid it or just tie it back into a bun. And you loved it all, just like you had loved every haircut he had before. The only thing that was always consistent was his facial hair, and you told him if he'd ever shave that off you would never talk to him again, which he knew was a joke but still took that to heart.

But beside the good looks you both had, your connection was first and foremost based on a deeper level. Despite having never met in real life, you trusted each other wholly and loved each other so deeply it could not be explained. The physical attraction was just a huge bonus, one neither of you complained about. And after about a year since you first started talking, your phone calls, snaps and facetime calls started to become more risky and sexually charged.

And you'll never forget the first time you had phonesex. It hadn't been planned at all and it wasn't even a video call, it had just been a random phone call late at night while you were both in bed after a long day of work. Sihtric's voice had been so deep and smooth, it aroused you in a way you had never felt before and that's also what you suddenly blurted out on the phone.

'You don't know how aroused your voice is making me right now.'

'You're aroused?' Sihtric laughed softly, 'hm,' he then hummed, as if he knew the effect that would have on you.

'Stop it!' you giggled while your cheeks were warm.

'It's okay, darling,' he almost purred, making everything so much worse as you could just hear his sly smile through the phone, 'it's not like you've never aroused me before.'

'Well, what did you do to fix it?'

'I think you know,' Sihtric replied, his voice somehow lower and smoother than ever before, 'you think I've never moaned your name in my bed or in the shower?'

You became quiet for a moment. You stopped breathing for a second while the sound of your beating heart roared in your ears and you felt your cheeks heat up even more. Your mouth went dry and it was hard to swallow. You knew you were attracted to each other, but this had been something rather undiscussed before that very moment. You weren't sure how to proceed the conversation, as this was something so intimate yet so strange too as you were far away from each other, but it just all happened as if it was natural.

'You do that often?' you suddenly asked.

'More than you know,' Sihtric confessed, then paused for a moment. 'And if I was with you right now, darling,' he husked, 'I'd take care of that for you.'

'What would you do?' you knew the cheesy question would only make the call more risky.

You both had your eyes closed when Sihtric laughed almost darkly and quietly, and you heard he exhaled softly and licked his lips before he spoke again.

'You really wanna go there?' he half whispered, making you feel lightheaded.

'Mhm.'

'Well,' Sihtric smiled and kept his voice quiet and low, 'first I'd kiss your lips, but only faintly, because I like to tease, and then I'd slowly undress you until you're left in only your lingerie.'

Your breath hitched in your throat already, and he had only just started describing what he would do if he was with you at that moment. And you both mindlessly moved your free hand under the sheets and down your bodies, not telling each other while Sihtric continued talking.

'And after I have admired you for a moment, I'd kiss your jaw and neck,' he murmured as he slowly rubbed his palm over his hardening length, 'and I'll make sure to leave some markings, showing everyone that you belong to me and are mine only. Because you are mine only, aren't you, baby?'

'Yes,' you breathed while you sought friction with your own hand between your thighs, 'I'm yours only.'

'That's right,' Sihtric hummed, 'good girl. And then I'd slowly kiss down your neck to your shoulders. And I'd use my teeth to lower your bra strap while I'd gently massage your tits with my hands before I'd suck and kiss your nipples.'

'Fuck,' you accidentally sighed, which Sihtric heard loud and clear.

'You'd like that?' he asked and bit down on his lip while he shoved his hand down his boxers.

'Yeah,' you whispered, 'don't stop… please.'

Sihtric smiled and hummed, and you both didn't need to say anything for you both already knew you were already half pleasing yourselves in the dark.

'And then I'd kiss my way further down your body, slowly, darling,' he husked, 'because I like to take my time. Then I'd lower your panties and take them off, and I'd kiss your legs on my way back up, all the way to your inner thighs. And when you just can't take it anymore and beg me to touch you, then I'd throw your legs over my shoulders and finally kiss your sweet and soaked pussy before taking my time to eat you out until your legs are shaking and you're squirming in my arms.'

'God, please,' you moaned as you slid your own fingers inside you, 'please, Sihtric, I need you so bad, honey.'

'I know, baby,' he cooed as he touched himself, 'I need you too, darling, you have no idea how badly I need to feel you and taste you. How desperately I want to make sweet love to you but also completely ravage you. Fuck,' he exhaled sharply and chuckled, 'hm, fuck, darling. I'd fuck you so good you won't be able to think anymore, I promise. I'll make you forget about everything else so that the only thing you can think of is how good I make you feel.'

'I want to suck your cock so badly,' you whined, 'please…'

'I'll fuck your mouth, sweetheart, don't worry,' he said and started to moan, 'I'll give you everything you need, I promise. You'll never want or need anyone else anymore.'

'I want you,' you moaned as your climax approached, 'I need you.'

'I need you too,' Sihtric said hoarsely, 'I want to fuck you and fill you up entirely, making you all mine forever. And I'll have you over and over again the first time I'm with you, trust me,' he moaned, 'I'll make you cum on my cock while you scream my name until you can't fucking take it anymore.'

And with those words you both finished, your ragged breaths and heavy moans filling the dark and lonely room you were both in while you listened to each other on the phone as you gradually came down from your highs. At first you both just laughed, a little flustered at what had just happened but also feeling relieved that it had happened, and you felt closer than ever despite the distance. And that's also when you both first said it.

'I love you, sweetheart,' Sihtric whispered sleepily, 'forever.'

'I love you too, honey, forever,' you whispered, and not much later you both fell asleep while neither of you had ended the call.

You smiled and blushed at the pleasant memory as you stared out of the plane window, and you were only brought back to the present time when you heard the announcement that you would soon be landing at Birmingham airport. And that's when you also suddenly realised you were about to meet Sihtric for the first time ever.

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[redheadspark]

Trust Me?

Summary - The Female MC takes Ominis flying, stirring his feelings for her all the more

Warnings - Just cute fluff :)

A/N - I wanted to write a cute one-shot of Ominis! I loved him in the game and how great he was as a character, he doesn't get enough love! I might even add him to the character I write for in my Prompt Sessions! Let me know what you think!

"You can't be serious,"

"What makes you think I'm joking?"

"Given our history with Sebastian, let alone your friendship with Garreth Weasley…"

You had to roll your eyes as you stood in front of Ominis, who had his face filled with judgment. Your broom was waiting for you on the ground by your foot, the crisp and damn grass under your feet while the cooler Autumn air was cascading down into the Quidditch Pitch where you two were.  With the weather being more than tolerable, plenty of students were out of the castle and enjoying the cool air before it would get too chilly.  It was a great day for you to get some flying in, given the upcoming games that were on schedule the following weekend and your team was climbing up the ranks.  It was going to be your best year, you felt it in your fingers as the Hufflepuff Captain and one of the Beaters.  

Your seventh year at Hogwarts was not as adventurous or as deadly as it was when you arrived as a fifth year, yet you liked it that way.  Compared to your first year, your sixth year was more mundane and boring so to speak.  The Ancient Magic you had as toned down a bit and the mystery that you solved deep underneath the castle was now contained thanks to the Ministry of Magic, along with the professors at Hogwarts, leaving you to simply focus on your schooling and friendships.  

Yet, things were not the same.  You seemed lost without Professor Fig, his guidance and mentorship were something you missed from time to time when roaming the halls or attending classes.  Not to mention the strained friendship with Sebastian, who was still eating away in grief after what happened to his Uncle, and the now diminished relationship with his sister.  He became more of a shell within himself, not the bright and smart Slytherin you met.  

However, your other friendships tried, especially with Ominis.  You both leaned on each other after Sebastian's downfall, the pair of you realizing that the solid friendship you had with him no longer existed.  Ominis lost his best friend, giving him a broken heart so to speak and it gave him a hardened shell.  But you both remained friends, walking to and from class together, studying with one another in the library to pass the tedious potions exams, and even taking strolls together along the grounds.  It was a friendship you never thought would truly blossom.

Ominis still had his sarcasm and snarky jokes, which would make you laugh from time to time when you were sad or uneasy. He knew you had a lot to carry yourself, plenty of bad memories and nightmares from your fifth year, and the invisible scars that would haunt you sporadically.  He was a good shoulder to lean on, not minding in the slightest when you wished to vent to him or express your pain.  Ominis knew all that happened your first year, you leaving no detail out with him.

You trusted Ominis, more than you ever trusted anyone at that school.

Now, on a clear Autumn afternoon, you were attempting to take him flying.  And of course, being the true Slytherin that he was, he was not budging.

"You make it seem as if I will let you get hurt while we fly," you challenged him, his misted grey eyes snarking as he chuckled.

"I don't trust our school brooms and the recent history of quidditch injuries, pity your broom is under maintenance in Hogsmeade," he explained, you chuckling as he was still not swayed in going on the broom with you.

"I have a clean flying record if you must know!  I wouldn't let you get hurt, Ominis.  Don't you trust me?" You asked playfully.  You didn't realize that a single sentence struck a chord in Ominis.  Not in a bad way, but in a way of remembrance.  He heard that time and time again in your younger years, from his former best friend.  His trust was always placed in Sebastian's hands, and it would either be altered or shattered.  The last time he trusted his old friend, he almost lost him.  

Yet you were different. Though you were trying to help Sebastian in finding his way again, you never broke Ominis's trust in you.  He never felt It waver or severe even, to which he knew he could trust you more than others in his life.  It was hard for him to lean on another person outside of his family, his cruel and dark family. You seemed to be a light to him, a warm light, something he was used to for the longest time.

That warmth and light morphed into a crush, something Ominis swore he would take to the grave. 

"You know I trust you," Ominis reasoned, yet he could tell you were rolling your eyes with him as you then flicked out your hand and gave a tug of your wrist.  The broom shot up into your palm within a flash.

"Then get on the bloody broom," You replied, Ominis could hear the small snark in your tone as you swung your leg over the broom, legs slightly bent and one hand gripping the broom.  Your other hand hung at your side, waiting for some kind of signal from your friend if he was going to come with you.  You knew Ominis would be set in his ways, a little harder to budge.  But he was also no wallflower, not entirely.  

You were surprised to see him reach out his hand in your direction, a smile breaking out on your lips.

You took his hand in yours, tugging him gently to walk over to where the broom was.  It came to his thigh, to which you lowered the broom to have him tentatively step over.  He did it with some reluctance, now sitting behind you as you recentered yourself on the broomstick.  Feeling his body heat behind you, through the sweater you were wearing and his blazer, you felt your stomach do a little tumble.  

"Ready?" You asked, looking your shoulder at his face.  His eyes looked petrified, though they shined in the sun as he nodded his head rapidly.  You reached to take his hand to place along your waist, feeling him freeze up for a moment as his fingers danced along your sweater, "Hang on, Ominis,"

You kicked off, the broom making you two hover over the ground only by a foot or two as Ominis clung onto you for dear life with his arms around your waist in a death grip.  It made you smile, sensing his worries and fears but still willing to get on a broom because it was you.  The friendship you two built together, the long talks and moments together simply make your bond together just as strong if not stronger.  

You moved a bit higher now, both pairs of feet dangling as you were getting your sense of gravity back together.  The wind licking your face and the cool rush heard in your ears as Ominis was leaning against your back.  Once again you felt his body heat, thou it was a bit stronger now as his face was against your shoulder blade, facing out into the pitch as you placed your feet up and under the broom.

"Ready?" You asked, feeling him nod his head against your shoulder, "I'll go around the pitch for now, just for you to get used to it,"

"I'm already regretting this," He mumbled against your sweater as you started moving forward a bit, very slow, and bit barely any force.  As much as you wanted to pull his leg and start flying at top speed, you also were being considerate of Ominis and his comfort.  Not that he was against Quidditch, but he loved hearing all about your matches and even attended a few to show support for his house.  But he would rather be stable and on the ground, such a contrast to you.  You were used to flying at top speed, speeding along the quidditch pitch and even outside the ground when you could get away with it.  

"Alright, here we go," You voiced, dipping the broom slightly to make your way forward.  Although you were flying nice and slow, you were still hesitant since you felt Ominis clinging to you.  But you weren't hearing him tell you to land, nor were you hearing the fear in his voice or his breath.  He was rather calm and collected, his grip on your waist still consistent.  The last thing you wanted to do was spook him, though you were trying to clear your cluttered mind in how close he was against your back and his arm still around your waist. 

"We just did a loop around the pitch," You informed him as you moved around the curve that was behind the goalposts, "How are you doing back there?"

A pause hung in the air, and then a voice was heard, "It's…it's not as bad.  Are we very high up?"

You had to smile, hearing the small amount of hope in his tone.  It was such a contrast to how he sounded before he got on the broom.  Now, he sounded a bit calmer…almost a peace in a way.

"Shall I describe it all to you?" You asked him, feeling him nod his head against your shoulder as you took in a long breath, "We're about 30 feet now, facing the school.  You should see the school with the sun in the windows…it's breathtaking,"

You saw all the stained glass windows shining in the sunlight as the sun was getting lower in the sky.  The red and gold in the Gryffindor tower windows to the left, some of the glimmer of the Great Hall windows that brought sparkle and color.  It took your breath away, inwardly wishing that Ominis could at least see what you were experiencing.

"Breathtaking?" Ominis questioned, his voice sounding unsure as he could hear it in your voice: the softness, the gentleness that almost seemed like bells to his ears.  He always loved the way your voice sounded, nothing harsh or gritty, nor was it too light like air.  It was the right balance, and he was someone who would prefer balance over chaos.  

Of course, you would be the one to shake up his balance of life.

"The Gryffindor tower windows….the red stain glass windows look like rubies!  And the Great Hall windows, it's like the reflection of the water in the lake.  So many colors….it's swirled together like a painting,"

"You mean….like those muggle toys that muggle children look through with one eye?  Like a telescope?" Omimis asked in curiosity.  You giggled.

"I think you're talking about a Kaleidoscope," You commented, "But yes, just like a Kaleidoscope.  It's beautiful,"

Ominis could picture it in his mind, the swirls of colors along the windows and the light touching out from the school onto the grounds with ease.  Just the way you described it to him alone made it memorable to him.  He was used to others describing things to him, actions and whatnot so that he wasn't feeling left out.  He never minded it, it was something he was used to all his life since he was born blind.  

Yet, this was different, very different.  He could see it clearly in his mind as you described more of the castle and still flew around the pitch, still keeping at a steady pace.  He could see it all: the Ravenclaw Tower and how it stretched out to the sky with ease, the boathouse on the top of the lake that seemed so secluded with the ripping waters around it, even the grassy plains near the Magical Beasts area where the Beast corals were.  You left no detail out with him, which warmed his heart all the more as his fears and insecurities melted away.  

He's listened to so many voices in his lifetime and he knew them all my heart: the sternest of his father, the bitterness and cold demeanor of his mother, the light and yet broken tone of Sebastian, the once calm and gentle tone of Anne.  Ominis knew to listen beyond the voice, to sense the person behind it and what they were about.  If they were good, if they had intentions that lead in the right direction.

With you, he felt something else.  

He sensed a lot of things: stubbornness in wanting to do what was right, tenderness in helping those who truly needed the help, sarcasm when facing a foe. But most importantly, he sensed love.  

Love, from what he knew, was a fleeting feeling.  Apart from his Aunt, he rarely felt it himself.  Not that he never loved his parents or the life he had because of the privilege handed to him.  But it was different with his family, even different from his best friend.  The love he felt in you, heard in you, seemed organic. Like roots to a new plant that was taking to the soil and not letting go.  Or the river banks in the early morning, already roaring with life with no signs of stopping.  

He felt love with you, and it both scared him and entranced him at the same time.  

After a few more minutes of you telling him all you were seeing, you landed back on the ground with ease now since Ominis was smiling from ear to ear.  You both dismounted, Ominis shifting a bit on his feet a bit uncomfortably as you smiled at him, "We should head to dinner before we get caught out here," 

"You're right, I don't want you to get in trouble," Ominis reasoned, and as you were about to walk and head over to the opening that led out of the pitch, he stopped you and took your hand in his.  You felt the gentle touch of his fingers along yours as if he was afraid to grip you too hard and inflict you pain.  It made you freeze, watching him now as he cleared his throat.  Even the grey mist in his eyes seemed lighter now than they were before you mounted the broom together.

"Thank you, for doing that for me," He thanked, his voice light and tender.  You squeezed your fingers together gently, like a pulse.

"Of course, Ominis.  I enjoyed it very much," You explained, and you were telling the truth.

"As did I," he added in agreement. And for some reason, neither one of you wanted to let go of the other.  It felt like a seal, a new seal that was already made new and strong enough to not be bent or broken.  

So you both held on, walking back to the castle hand in hand.  It would be a story you would think back years later on your wedding day, and when your first son was born 3 years after that too. 

The End.

Tagged - @a-lumos-in-the-nox

[its-chelisey-stuff]

My final thoughts on Lovely Runner!

Things I loved about this ending:

No more time travelling. I was SO SURE we were going to go back in time one more time and had been bracing myself for it. And after seeing all these theories online, I really thought the one who was gonna go back in time was Sunjae. Beyond glad I was wrong about this. I was kinda dizzy with all these travels in time.

The way Sunjae got all of his memories from all the timelines back. I know it's technically the same person but the fact that the Sunjae we first met in the drama was fed up with everything and full of guilt always made me sad. That man needed a happy ending more than any of his "versions" lol I'm happy he got that and knew he was loved and saved, time and time again, by the girl he loved.

One hour of fluff! I'm so used to dramas pulling one last annoying twist in the final hour, that I'm pleasantly surprised it wasn't the case here. We got one hour of our leads being happy and in love. The romcom was romcom-ing till the last minute.

Taesung is officially the best second male lead in the history of kdramas. I don't accept any arguments. It's the truth. His character served a purpose and was key to ending that ill fate otp had with the psycho killer. He had the brain cells when our leads didn't lol And I love the fact that his friendship with Sol put him on the right path in life to become such a great detective and person. In a way, just like Sunjae, Sol's love for him, also saved his life.

Having said all this, and stating that this is gonna be a hard drama to top, I stand by the fact that romcoms in kdramas should be 12 episodes. Up until last year, some had been done that way and I don't know if this is somehow a controversial take to have, but I do believe this drama wasn't the exception *hides underneath the table*

Listen, I don't think it "dragged" because a lot of things were indeed happening, but my obsession for the story peaked at ep 8. If we never got a reason or backstory for the killer (which I don't hate but still why bring him in the first place? lol) we didn't need to expand the story another 8 eps. What we got instead, was more pain and trauma inflicted on the main leads, especially on Sol. Just to... what? Get even with Sunjae's love and own regrets?

Getting even with him and showing she loved him just as much, for me, was Sol going back in time to save him. I didn't need a "sacrifice" on her part to know that.

They were so cute this ep lol

Finally, I guess it's kind of poetic that Sol became devoted to Sunjae to the point of traveling time and space to save him, because of his songs, and once that purpose was served, he no longer had to be a singer in the new timeline. His love was why he wrote and made those songs. When he had no memories of Sol, there was no reason to longingly sing for her, but I still found it a bit sad. Like something was lost, you know? But this is me just being picky hahahah the fangirl in me will never like to lose the memories I have made thanks to the music I've loved.

And I guess in the end, it's kind of romantic only Sol and Sunjae remember those songs. Like a little souvenir between the two of how epic their love story was.

lol always a loser till the end.

[atinystraynstay]

Our Story Won't End - Lee Felix

Synopsis: "I refuse to give up on us." Pairing: College Student!Lee Felix x fem. reader

Genre: Angst. Established relationships, arguing with one another, fighting for one another with one another.

Word Count: 2.8k

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Felix re-read your text message to him over and over again. How could he be so ignorant? It felt like he had the opportunity of a lifetime, but he had just wasted it.

He had to make things right.

Last night, Felix took you out on a date. A first date, to be exact. Everyone had been waiting for the moment where he finally confessed his feelings to you. I mean, everyone seemed to see there was a connection between the two of you besides the two of you. For him, he just had to build up his own courage to believe you were were interested in him.

The two of you met through Hyunjin, who shared an Art History seminar with you. One day, when Felix was waiting for Hyunjin to get out of class, he saw you emerge from the building. Instantly, Felix had to find out your name.

Just finding out who you were led to this beautiful friendship. But the friendship slowly was beginning to transform to mutual pining. You had always found Felix attractive. The first thing you noticed about him was his freckles, which looked like as if they were kisses from angels across his cheeks. And he noticed your bright smile. You had the ability to light up whatever room you stepped into, capturing everyone's attention.

That sheer observation made it more urgent Felix makes a move before someone decided to come along and sweep you off your feet first. He at least wanted the opportunity to prove his capability of being the man you needed.

Your friends and Felix's had taken it upon themselves to get you two together, one way or another. It had been a struggle for a few weeks, but eventually, Felix got the bravery to finally ask you out.

He had anticipated this date for a week and a half. The only reason why the date was pushed back so far was due to midterms. He completely understood as he had his own papers and projects to turn in. Any amount of time would be worth it to finally get some one-on-one time with you.

He promised to take you out to a nice dinner in town followed by a walk along one of the bridges connecting downtown to another part of the city. It had a breathtaking view of the city. A hopeless romantic, he knew the view wouldn't compare to you though. All he wanted was to bring you somewhere to show you off and wow you. Word had traveled from Hyunjin that you were growing frustrated with dating, the lack of effort people were putting into planning dates.

Felix saw the challenge and wanted to beat it. The ultimate victory would be claiming you as his.

However, the date itself was a recipe for disaster.

First of all, it started raining that afternoon and wasn't forecasted to lighten up until the next day. There was no way that Felix would postpone the day, not when you both had been counting the days. Adding an extra day seemed torturous to the both of you. He promised that he would come up with an alternate plan for the bridge after dinner, something that would keep the night going and keep you both wet and warm.

That part at least was out of his control. Everything else that proceeds unfortunately was caused by him.

Changbin and Minho had came home from an early afternoon gym session, their own way to combat the dreary afternoon. After every gym session resulted in a feast by the two. Mainly by Minho because Changbin most likely would cause a fire. Felix decided to join in and enjoy the meal with his two friends.

He wasn't going to pick you up until 6pm. He would be fine. Besides, if he ate now, he wouldn't overstuff himself at dinner.

A full stomach led to a sleepy Felix. And his bed seemed so tempting. A quick nap wouldn't harm. He would be able to stay out all night, if you wanted.

However, Felix missed a key detail. He never set his alarm or asked any of his housemates to wake him up, so he had ample time to get ready for the date.

5 Missed Texts from y/n 1 Missed Call from y/n

Felix jolted awake from the feeling of vibrations against his bed. He looked down to se you had attempted to call him, and now you were in the process of leaving a voicemail. What is going on? Is she okay?

Seeing the time flash on his phone, his eyes widened and heart dropped. 5:45pm. Fuck.

Quickly, he began to frantically text you.

"Hey sweet girl, I'm sorry. I took a nap 🥲 Let me hop in the shower and I'll be over"

What crushed Felix the most was that you texted back almost instantly. He wouldn't be surprised if you cancelled the date. Not when he treated it like it was nothing by foolishly taking a nap.

"No worries! Just text me when you're heading over"

God, he didn't deserve you.

By the time Felix showered, got dressed, and was ready to go, it was 6:20pm. Probably the fastest shower he's ever taken but still didn't feel fast enough considering you were waiting on him.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be on your date?" Chan asked him. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Felix muttered back.

He had no time in side conversations as he was late as it is. Chan, sensing the irritation of the young man, put his hands up in defense and walked away. Felix hated being short with people, not wanting to be rude or inconsiderate. He was definitely getting inside his own head for being so irresponsible.

"heading over right now" "ok! drive safe and text me when you are here 🩷"

At least you didn't seem too mad at him.

Felix rushed out to his car in lightening speed. It was moments like this when he wished superpowers weren't fictional. If he could, he would snap his fingers and already arrive at your doorstep. Anything to cut down on the time you were waiting for him.

The drive was quite smooth considering how much it was rain. Puddles were already starting to gather on the roads. Of course, Felix wasn't driving recklessly despite the pressure he was facing. He was trying to remain as cool and collected, especially as people tend to drive unpredictable when there were hazardous conditions. The last thing Felix wanted was to cause a bigger mess by letting his frustrations get the best of him.

It was while driving he began to realize just how full he was. Maybe the rushing around to get ready or sleeping on his stomach upset his stomach. What he did know was that he couldn't sit down for a full meal as he promised to you. "Shit," he sighed. You had been so understanding so far. He was sure you'd get it.

The GPS was guiding Felix to your apartment. Every now and then, he would glance to make sure he was heading in the right direction. Once he saw he arrived, he turned it off to begin to hunt down for a parking spot. There were times Felix was grateful for having a car, as it helped him get around easily around the city. Yet, moments like this, when there seems to be no available parking made him wish he didn't drive.

The only available parking spot was about a block and a half away from your apartment. It was still raining, but nothing as crazy as it was when he left his own apartment.

"hey! just arrived" "oh perfect, I'll head down. see you soon!"

His heart fluttered at your text messages. The date had started on a rough start considering he was late, but he was determined to make sure it was still a good date. One that at least would land him a second date where he could really win you over.

Turning off the ignition, he stepped out of the car. However, he was immediately met by a car splashing water on him as they sped by.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

How can this get any worse?

Buzz buzz

He glanced down to see your name flash on the screen. He tried his best to let the anger subside before picking up the phone. Not exactly the best tone to start off the evening.

"Hello?" "Hey! I don't see you."

Felix's eyebrows furrowed together and he frowned. He glanced around his surroundings as he stood on the sidewalk. What? Did he put in the wrong address?

"Are you positive? I'm like across the street from you."

There was a pause. Maybe you were checking your surroundings? Maybe you didn't quite catch him the first time because of the passing traffic?

"Yeah, Lix, I'm positive. Are you on Oakwood?"

Oakwood Avenue? Felix was about to respond but he glanced up at the light post at the corner of the sidewalk. He squinted his eyes to see the green street sign to indicate where he was. Instantly, his confidence flattened.

Gates Street.

"Oh y/n, I'm sorry. I'm on Gates." Felix began to look around to try to figure out which way he should walk, so he could get to you. What an impression he was making, huh?

"Don't worry, Felix! I can start walking in that direction. You're about one block away from me. I'll start walking right now." "Ok."

Felix hung up first before sliding his phone away in the pocket of his rain jacket. The bottom half of him was still soaked from being splashed, including his shoes and socks. This was just a disaster. The only saving grace was that he was finally going to be able to see you.

That was why Felix remained where he was. If it was anyone else, he would have just turned on his heels back to his car and head home. He couldn't do that to you, not when he kept you waiting both for the day of the date but for himself. He had to try to salvage the rest of the evening.

From a distance, Felix saw you approaching him. His eyes widened to see how you were dressed. Even despite the rain, you went above and beyond. For him. You were wearing a black silk skirt with white tennis shoes, a mix of different styles but still spoke true to your personality. You also wore a black ribbed shirt underneath your pink rain jacket. You had your hair down in your natural hair. Felix always loved how your hair looked. He wanted so desperately to drive his fingers through it. He also took note of the gold earrings you wore. You looked heavenly.

And it made him feel like absolute shit. The fact he was dripping wet didn't hide his outfit choice. He wore a simple pair of jeans, a black hoodie, and black sneakers. It was almost as if he just picked whatever clothes he thought were clean.

"Hi Felix," you greeted him, a wide smile on your face. "Hi y/n," he smiled weakly.

Not much was exchanging between the two of you. Felix did open the passenger door for you, to help you in. He quickly jogged around to the driver side before slipping in. One of the things you adored about Felix was his bubbly personality. He was the definition of sunshine. Unfortunately, it seemed like the sunshine was being blocked out by the rain.

"So I was thinking maybe we can go out to eat and just sit by the bridge? I know it's not the same as walking it, but I figured we could still go see it?" "Oh yeah, that sounds great! Are we still doing korean barbecue?"

Felix's stomach churned at the thought of eating that much food. He quickly shook his head as he buckled himself into the seat. You couldn't help bur frown. You had been looking forward to going to the restaurant since he proposed the idea when he asked you out.

"I'm sorry, y/n. My stomach hurts a bit. Why don't we just do drive thru so we can eat in the car and not get wet anymore?"

Trying to be optimistic, you nodded your head. You kept a gentle smile on your face. You were still getting the chance to spend time with Felix. He at least still showed up for the date. It was something better than nothing.

"Yeah, Felix, that sounds good." "McDonalds?"

Maybe you spoke too soon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Staring at the text you sent Felix, you let an exasperated sigh. You really wanted things to work out with Felix. He seemed like a genuine guy, someone down to earth and unafraid to express himself. You needed a change from the typical guy you go for. And Hyunjin hyped up what a great guy Felix was.

And it was evident from how much Felix texted you. You had been under the impression that he was into you, especially with how detailed he was about your plans for the first date. You had gotten so excited just for it to burst.

You tried your damn best to be understanding. Things change, and dating in college doesn't always mean you have to have the most romantic first dates. You had just be hyped up to expect more to be left with next to nothing.

Part of you was also upset just that he seemed not to care when he met up with you in person. He seemed to say all the right things to lure you in, and maybe he assumed he didn't need to impress you? That you were already his?

If that's the case, you didn't want to be a part of it. You wanted someone who was going to put in effort, just as you did. Or at least as much as they could. You realized that putting 100% effort is an unrealistic ask, but you at least wanted someone to communicate with you. You just couldn't shake off that Felix seemed to be in such a sour mood throughout most of the date.

Did he really not want to be with you? Did he only go out with you because you knew Hyunjin? It just left you feeling shitty.

Knock knock

You looked up from your phone, which laid on your comforter, to look towards your bedroom door. Your roommate was peaking her head in with a soft smile. You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and match her smile.

"What did you do?" You playfully asked. "I didn't do anything. All I'm saying is that you might want to come downstairs."

And just like that, she slipped away. Your curiosity was peaked, so you had to go investigate. Slowly, you pushed yourself off the bed to go venture downstairs.

"Hi y/n."

That voice. Your eyes looked down the staircase to see Felix standing at the front of the door. He had an apologetic smile on his face as he stood within the threshold. There was a bouquet of flowers in his hand with a small plastic container of brownies, or at least that's what you believed from the distance.

"Oh, hi Felix. I guess this is why you left me on open," you laughed awkwardly.

He shared in that awkward laughter. You couldn't deny that your heart swelled that he still showed up at the door, but why was he here?

"Y/n, I know I don't deserve a second chance. I really fucked up our first date. Literally has to go down in history as the worst first date of all time."

Well, there is no arguing with that. Yet, you still were willing to hear him out. You made your way down the staircase until you reached the foyer, only a few feet away from him now. Up close, you could see more of the freckles that made you weak in the knees.

"I've been waiting for the chance to take you out, to treat you special and I failed. Of course, getting to see you was amazing. You're even more incredible than Hyunjin described. I owe you a massive apology for wasting your time and treating you poorly. If you could, I would love a chance to make things right."

"Brownies are a good start," you said.

His eyes widened slowly, registering what you just said to him. "Really?" he whispered.

You couldn't help but giggle, genuinely this time. You nodded your head as you stepped closer to him, taking the flowers into your arms. "Come on, we can go to the kitchen. I can make some tea or something. Maybe we can watch a movie and eat these brownies?" You suggested.

This definitely was the second chance Felix prayed for.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately based on a real date I had this past weekend just with an alternative ending that I would've liked. Essentially had to end things with a cute guy for putting in very little effort 😅

Dating in yours 20s is definitely an *experience* let me just say that

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Question...? The End - “It’s just a question.”

Pairing - Steve Rogers x Reader Summary - After years of back and forth, years of unknowns, a lifetime of questions, it's time for answers.

Question...? Mini Series List | Steve Rogers Masterlist

"Looking back on it..." Steve can't quite find the words to finish the sentence. He shakes his head, "Jesus."

You slightly tip your glass, "We've been through a lot together."

He knows that you're too nice to say what the reality of it is. Steve put you through a lot.

And sure, you two have been through a lot together. All the awkward phases, the growing pains, romantic mishaps, miscommunications, circumstances.

Looking back on it, you were his constant.

Most of the time, you were his only constant.

Rather than staring at the glass in his hand, he keeps his eyes locked on you. There was so much history there. You were right, there were so many times that he could've done more, tried harder. He could've fought for you.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I don’t know what to say.” 

You shrug, swirling the lonely ice cube in your glass, “I think that was always part of the problem. It’s why we never worked.”

“I - I’m sorry.”

And just like all those times before, you fight to tamp down those feelings that never fail to arise when Steve is near. You've come to accept this. You know this. You and Steve don't work. Accepting that is so much easier than pushing him out of your life. “It’s not like I told you how I felt.” 

Steve knew it wasn't the whole truth. Sure, you'd never out right said that you had feelings for him, but you'd given him so much more than he gave you. And every single time he was too scared of ruining everything that he ran like a coward. 

"But you were the one that held us together. You gave me so much." 

You snort, "Like your first kiss?" 

"I would've waited a hell of a lot longer if it weren't for you. I didn't kiss a single girl in high school." 

"Bullshit." 

"It's true," Steve insists, tipping his glass in your direction. "Ask Bucky. Besides, I was too hung up on you to even look at another girl." 

You shake your head, rolling your eyes, "That's not true." 

"It is. I was just - I was so damn scared of ruining our friendship." 

"Then why did you kiss me at our college graduation?" 

Steve wasn't sure. To this day, he couldn't decide it is was his ultimate moment of weakness or moment of strength. "Better question: Why do you think I broke that dickhead guy's nose last year?" 

"Male ego?" 

"I was jealous," Steve deadpans. "I was so fucking jealous. I was upset because some asshole that was nowhere near good enough took the girl I wanted my whole life. And worst part, I still wasn't brave enough to tell you how I felt."

You slowly exhale, "I think that maybe things worked out the way that they were supposed to. Maybe we just - we weren't meant to be." 

His eyebrows pull together, "Do you really believe that?" 

"I don't know."

“I just - I wish I would’ve put up a fight. I wish I would’ve told you how I felt - how I feel.”

Your eyes snap up, you heart stuttering. “Feel?”

His heart pounds in his chest. This was likely his last chance. His chance to not be a coward. A chance to finally get the girl. “Feel. Present tense.”

Your eyebrows pull in, demanding and curious, “And what do you feel?”

“I feel like I should’ve gone after you after we kissed the first time. Like I should’ve told you that the reason I got so angry you kissed Bucky in high school was because I wanted to be the only person that you kissed. Like I never should’ve left your house that night in college. I feel like I’ve been in love with you since I saw you that very first time.”

“Steve…” you whisper, too choked up to say anything but his name.

“I’ve looked for that feeling everywhere. I’ve looked for that meteor strike everywhere and the only place I’ve found it is with you. You lit up my life. Everyone else, everything else, is second best compared to you.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard, Steve.”

“Then let me carry us for a while. Let me hold us together. Let it be my turn.” He reaches out, his hand gripping yours from across that empty bar stool. He sucks in a soft breath, clearly warring with himself. In this moment, he feels like he did all those years ago. The best friend that was never good enough for the girl. The girl he watched and wanted more than anything. This was his chance to be brave for once, to finally speak now. “I think I've always known.” 

You quirk an eyebrow, “Known what?” 

“I think I’ve known it since we were kids," he continues. He stands up from his bar stool, closing the distance between you and him. He reaches out, his fingers ghosting over your cheeks. "You’re my forever. You’re my endgame. And I’m sorry I didn’t treat you like that. I’m sorry I let things come between us. But I’ve always known that. Even if it scared the shit outta me sometimes. I belong with you. You belong with me. It’s us. That’s how this story ends. It’s us.”

"Steve..." you whisper.

"Can I kiss you?" You suck in a sharp breath as he cups your face, lifting your jaw until your lips ghost over his, "It's just a question."  

You know it's not just a question. Not really. Not anymore. You lick your lips in anticipation, "Is it?" 

"No," he finally admits. "It's an answer." 

Question...? Mini Series List Inspired By Taylor Swift Steve Rogers Masterlist

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams@shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes @beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarne @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064 @michealharrypotter @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @withyoutilltheendoftheline @the-photo-hoe @rae-nna @sarachabeans1@double-shot-of-tequila @spookyparadisesheep @lunaalovesyouu @daisy-loves-bucky@roseproseposts @theoraekenslover@king814318 @maybesomedaytho @carlie-babes99 @sunshinechikin @as-white-as-snow-love @melala1030 @badasswlthafatass @armystay89 @multiversefanfics @cherrysscinema @breathlesspieceofdeath @ravenn-darkholme @bxckybxrnes24 @guiltyasreid @bellabarnes1378 @blithecapricorn @mrsnikstan

[carcarcraziiv2]

hi!!!i wanted to do a request (im shaking as i write this bc this is my second time ever doing a request-) about Kayn having a crush on a reader that's part of Pentakill.Reader looks super mysterious and scary but in reality they're just shy and also have a crush on Kayn and both of them confess at the same time.Take your time and have a good day!!!

I am so glad you requested it! It's okay to be nervous! I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG I LOVE YOU AND I APOLOGIZE <//3

I LOVE THIS PROMPT- especially for someone who is in Pentakillllll like that is so exciting. I am so hyped for this! I hope you enjoy <3

Content / Warnings: Mature language (the 'b' word lol), Alcohol consumption. Not much else really....

Word Count: 1883

Kayn was never one to show his fanboy nature, even though everyone in Heartsteel already knew Kayn had a secret obsession- Pentakill. Specifically, the bands mysterious, cold and ominous bassist; you.

You on the other hand, although already being the bassist in a rock band, had somehow gained a reputation for being the "dark" or "moody" bandmember in comparison to Sona or Kayle. In reality though, you just liked keeping to yourself, rarely being the first one to speak, often sitting alone on the stage speakers or out back of the concert houses having a smoke before or after a show.

Regardless of the publics opinion of you, you loved your bandmates. You were just shy, so when Kayle approached you notifying you about a possible collab with your personal favorite band Heartsteel, you couldn't help but be incredibly anxious.

"What do you mean we are 'meeting' with them tomorrow," you inquired, glancing up from your book to see Kayle lean against the kitchen counter and take a drink from her cup.

"Oh, come on Y/N. Don't you like... oh which one was it?" She pauses and you take in a deep breath before letting out a sigh. "Kayn, right?"

You sit up from your spot and set your book down. Arching your brow and rolling your eyes at the winged woman, you chose to ignore her inquiry.

She scoffed before saying a little quieter, "Well Yone said Kayn likes our bassist. Guess it's not that big of a deal. I'll tell him we will pass on the meeting."

She began reaching towards her phone on the counter, causing you to pause mid-stretch and jump up to stop her.

"Wait!" you shrieked, cringing at yourself immediately thereafter.

"I knew it," Kayle smirked. "Our meeting is at noon by the way." As she walked away, you slumped back onto to the couch and let out another dramatic sigh.

~~

Kayn was going to kill Yone. Rhaast on the other hand was threatening to constantly break through at any moment with sheer excitement.

They were meeting Pentakill today. They- more specifically- were meeting you today. He was terrified. What if you hated him? What if you thought he was weird, or worse- what if Rhaast made an appearance and said something outrageous or out of pocket?

Kayn shook his head and rolled his eyes before splashing his face with water. He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, silent dialogue only heard by him plaguing his mind.

Do not do anything brash, Rhaast.

Oh, I would never, Kayn.

~~

The meeting wasn't long. There was clearly some sort of friendship history between Yone and Kayle. Beyond that, everyone chatted like long lost friends aside from you - always silent and observant, and Kayn who sat at the large meeting table across from you.

You didn't fail to notice how he consistently stared at you. You were lowkey jealous because you wished you had started first. You weren't about to have a staring contest with him now.

You hadn't realized you were dissociating into the wall next to the large bay window until you were snapped out of it by Kayle's voice.

"Y/N, did you hear me? We are going to partner up for our song collab." Her lips rose in an evil knowing little smirk. "You and Kayn will be working together." Damn her for playing teacher right now.

A blush immediately erupted on your skin as you glanced at Kayn and gave him a shy smile. He let out a dramatic sigh and you were ashamed to think you were actually excited to have a real excuse to talk to him for an extended period of time.

"Alright everyone, let's start today and you can all figure out arrangements for your individual meetings. We will have our group meeting biweekly. Once we have a song, we will figure out our practice schedule and all the other details!" Yone smiled politely and everyone began standing and walking to their partners. As you observed, you saw both sett and K'Sante give looks to Kayn as they passed by him, almost teasing.

You couldn't help but be mortified by their social ques. Had Kayle spilled the beans about your silly little crush on Kayn? Oh Gods, what if Kayn knew and was staring at you because he was wondering how the hell he got stuck with the quiet freak from Pentakill as not only his partner, but his crush.

You sighed inwardly as you walked slowly towards him, looking anywhere but his direction. He was more confident than you thought, looking straight at you as you could see through your peripheral and starting the conversation.

"Hello, Y/N, right? I guess I should introduce myself- I'm Kayn," he reaches out a hesitant hand. You smile politely, shyly, in response.

"I'm Y/N- well you already know that anyway, heh..." you stutter, flustered due to the close proximity between the two of you. You give another awkward smile, and then let out an exasperated breath before continuing. "So, when and where would you like to meet up for these brainstorming sessions?"

Kayn seems to pause for a moment, putting his hand under his chiseled chin in a thinking pose. His gaze leaves you for a moment, before returning to your own.

"Dinner, you pick where you want to go. I will schedule if you send me the name of the restaurant. Here, put your phone number in my phone," he pulls his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and handing it to you. You raise your eyebrows in surprise, not even second guessing the dinner suggestion. There's no way he could be asking you on a date, right? No, you're not delusional.

You input your number and quickly bid your farewell as Kayle waves at you from the door. You hadn't realized everyone was gawking at the two of you as they waited to leave for the evening.

~~

"You know you don't have to do this at dinner Kayn? May as well have asked her out at that point," Sett smirks at him from his seat on the couch.

I told you, Rhaast hissed in Kayn's mind. It's too obvious now.

"Nah, don't worry. It is just a lunch between colleagues to brainstorm for a song. Nothing more, nothing less." Kayn glares at Sett, before walking into the bathroom to spray on some cologne for the first time in a very long time.

~~

You were so nervous. Even more nervous than you had been previously. And when you get nervous, you babble.

So before leaving for dinner with Kayn that evening, you gave yourself a pep talk in the mirror.

"Do not say anything stupid." Yeah, right.

"Do not be a clumsy mess as per usual." Will probably stumble trying to sit in the chair.

"Do not be ominous and awkward." Can't change your nature, baby.

Gods, your inner dialogue was a bitch.

You had chosen to wear casual yet flattering attire to your dinner, sticking to your usual all dark fabric and accessories. After getting ready and checking yourself out in the mirror once more, you went outside and got on your motorcycle with your backpack slung over your shoulders.

Letting out a shuddering breath, you began the not so long journey towards the restaurant. You had suggested one close by that you did enjoy, although the nerves in your stomach suggested you probably wouldn't be doing to much eating.

Upon arrival, you hung your helmet on the handle of your bike and stepped off. Before heading inside, you spared a glance at one of the windows only to see Kayn openly gawking at you stepping off of your ride.

Unbeknownst to you, he was thrilled to see you on a motorcycle. It was a thing with him, something about being rebellious or dangerous compared to the norm always caught his eye.

Quickly averting your gaze you let out a deep sigh to ready yourself and walked into the restaurant- ignoring the hostess and walking the corner to seat yourself in the booth across from Kayn.

Placing your backpack on the bench next to you, you let out a breath.

"Hi, Kayn," You smiled politely, your voice quieter than you had intended.

"Hi, Y/N," He smiled back. This evening his expression was eager, his eyes alight with dare you say- mischief. And you couldn't help but notice the slight blush that caressed his cheeks under the yellow lighting of the lamp above.

"So, do we want to order first or get right to business?" The question tumbled out of your mouth casually, and it took you a moment to realize that you actually felt quite comfortable sitting across from him in this moment.

"Well, I already ordered us both a drink. I hope you like Gin and soda," A gulp audibly escaped his throat and your lips twitched up in an almost smile.

"Actually, one of my favorite cocktails. Thanks, Kayn."

Gods, he liked the sound of his name on your lips.

The evening went on without a hitch, the two of you talking casually. By the time a few hours had passed, your food long since finished on the table in front of you, you realized you hadn't actually gotten to any brainstorming.

The drinks had started getting to you, loosening up your nerves. Before you knew it you were blabbering on and grabbing your backpack to pull out your notebook.

As you were looking down, Kayn was staring at you.

Just tell her, you coward. Rhaast was yapping again, but the booze had Kayn tuning him out. He was planning on it anyway.

"Sorry, I knew if I spent this much time with you I'd end up talking too much. Must be because of how much I like yo-," you paused. Were you saying this out loud?

You heard Kayn pull in a sharp breath, before softly saying,

"That's interesting. I was just trying to hype myself up to say that I have had a crush on the cute bassist from Pentakill for awhile now. Please tell me I didn't hear you wrong..." Kayn's eyes were wide, one eyebrow raised as he bit his lip.

Your jaw fell open, before you promptly closed it and blinked a few times.

"Wait, really?" You smiled. You couldn't help it. And as Kayn looked at you, he knew all of the assumptions the public made about you being dark or ominous or mysterious were bullshit. You were like starlight shining in a dark sky with that smile.

"Really. I swear it. Yone and Kayle I think did this specifically to set us up, actually. Everyone else on my side has known I've liked you for awhile. Lucky for us Kayle and Yone have... a friendship." He grinned sheepishly, running a ringed hand through his pink hair.

You laughed out loud then, having had made the same assumption yourself. "I thought the same thing!"

And as the night waned on, the restaurant eventually closed and the waitress was forced to kick the two of you out. The drinks had worn off over the time you had been there, opting for water instead.

As the two of you walked down the steps back to your motorcycle, Kayn looked at you and pulled you in for a hug. You melted into him momentarily before he released you.

"So, I have a request," he stated. You nodded for him to continue, your brows scrunched in question.

"Can I have a ride on your motorcycle?"

~~

The End! I hope you LOVED IT AND AGAIN IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! I have basically been AFK irl lately lol. Thank you for the lovely request!

[thomashewittmybeloved]

Jealous of a jock

pairing: Ted Logan x reader

summary : You've been friends with Ted and Bill for years now, being an inseparable trio. But Ethan, a jock from your class, desperately needs your help to study for an upcoming History exam. Ted doesn't really like this new friendship and tries his best to make you understand how he feels about it.

Warnings : obv jealousy and a kinda possessive Ted but other than that, it's pretty light! just like every fanfic writer ever, English isn't my first language so keep that in mind while reading!

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾

I took a deep breath as I walked into the library, trying to calm my nerves. Today was another tutoring session with Ethan, one of the jock's from school. I had been helping him with his history homework for the past few weeks, and despite our very different social circles, we had become quite good friends. We started talking when our History teacher put us together for an oral presentation about the Roman Empire, about how it was founded. When we started working on it, Ethan immediately noticed how much of an History nerd I am, which at first, I was kind of scared of, since he's a stereotypical jock that could make fun of me for knowing so much about "old dudes in dresses".

But, to my suprise, he was more impressed than anything and quite friendly. We clicked the moment I noticed how much he tried to help, even if he didn't understand anything. Our presentation was a success; 18/20, that's when he asked to be his tutor. My friendship with Ethan became quite good, I grew more and more attached to him, which seemed to be causing some problems with Ted, problems that I didn't get why even started.

He just grew more distant and cold towards me, while Bill stayed the same so it really is personal. So his new attitude explains why, right now, it's so awkward between us. I told him I couldn't eat with him and Bill because I promised to help Ethan during lunch, which ended in Ted insisting to, at least, make the walk to the library with me. Of course I said yes, I missed hanging out with him too, but maybe I would have said no if I knew how silent he would be....

As Ted and I continued walking down the stairs, I noticed him staring at me with a look of concern so, I took this opportunity to break the uncomfortable silence. "What's wrong, Ted?" I asked, trying to figure out what was going on. "You've been quiet all the way. Which, coming from you, is really concerning."

"Y/N, I don't like you hanging out with Ethan all the time." Ted blurred out, looking down.

"What? Why not?" I asked, surprised by his sudden change in behavior. Where is this coming from?

"He's a jock, dude."

"Oh." I said, understanding. "Ted, you really don't have to worry about this, he's actually really nice ! Nicer than I would've thought too." I smiled at Ted, to no avail; he still refused to look back at me.

"You're supposed to be hanging out with us, not him...We're your friends," He mumbled, his tone turning accusatory.

"I know you guys are my friends, Ethan just needs my help. He's failing History class and I'm the only one who can help him." I explained, hoping that he would understand. "Also, I'm allowed to have other friends. You're not the only guys I can help with History, you know."

"You're spending all your time with him! We don't get to hang out anymore !" Ted protested. "We also need your help dude for, like, History stuff..." He rubbed the back of his neck, walking farther away from me.

"I'm sorry, Ted, but I have to help him. I promise I'll make time for us too !" I assured him, hoping to ease his worries but by the look on his face, none of what I was saying was comforting him.

"Fine..." Ted sighed, his frustration evident. "Just make sure you don't forget about us. We miss hanging out with you dudette."

"I won't forget about you, Ted. You're both my best friends !" I said, giving him a reassuring smile while gently rubbing his arm up and down. "You're also too loud to forget."

He laughs, making my cheek redden slightly. Finally, here's the Ted I know ! He stops suddenly once we arrive in front of the library.

I look up at him with a shy smile. "I should go." I say, quieter than intended.

He simply waves at me before turning around, walking away, way too quickly. As I watch him go, I feel something tug at my heart, some sort of longing. I sigh, going in, ready to help Ethan.

As the days went by, I noticed that Ted was becoming more and more distant. He would barely talk to me and when he did, it was always about how much he missed hanging out with me. I tried to reassure him that I still cared about him and Bill, but it didn't seem to make a difference, no matter what I said. A few days ago, he commented about how I lied when I said I would make time for them. I didn't respond, not knowing what to say to that. He's usually so carefree, I wasn't expecting such an attitude from him, it took me by surprise. We haven't talked since...As I was walking to my next class, Ethan caught up to me in the hallway, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Y/N, you free tonight? I need some help with my homework !" he asked, flashing me a smile.

"Sure, Ethan. I'll meet you in the library after school." I replied, feeling a twinge of guilt for not spending more time with Ted and Bill, by accepting his offer without thinking twice. Maybe I was getting a little too attached to Ethan.

"Wait, do you have your Spanish class today?" He asked, smirking. "Because my deutsch teacher isn't here."

"Oh no, she's absent too!" We laugh at that realisation. "Well, I guess we can study right now then."

He comes next to me, taking my bag from my shoulders. "Hey !" I gasp, surprised. "You have to stop doing that, I already told you I can carry my bag myself."

"And I told you I can also carry your bag Y/N !" He winks at me, making me roll my eyes. "You're helping me for free so this is my way of paying you." He replies, walking shoulder to shoulder with me.

"What a gentleman..."

I took a deep breath to calm myself as I walked into the library with Ethan, still laughing from what he said. Today was another day I spent doing a tutoring session with Ethan, instead of hanging out with Bill and Ted.

I felt a heavy gaze on me as soon as we entered so, I looked around, until I saw Ted sitting at a table with Bill, both of them staring at me. Bill smiled when I noticed them while Ted just hung his head low. I turn around to Ethan, asking him to take a table for us. After he left, I took another deep breath, preparing myself for whatever mood Ted was in. "Hey guys," I said, walking over to their table. "What's up?"

"Nothing much dude !" Bill said, grinning. "Just waiting for you to show up, we were gonna go grab some pizza's and slushies !"

Ted didn't say anything, just focusing on his fidgety fingers. I frowned, feeling a pang of guilt for how he felt. "I'm sorry, guys. I can't today. I have a tutoring session with Ethan, his test is next week. He barely remembers when the Cold War was so we have a lot of work to do !"

Ted's head snapped up at the mention of Ethan. "Again ? You're always hanging out with him. Don't you have any time for us dude?"

I felt my face flush, taken aback by his tone. There it was again... "I'm sorry, Ted. I'm just trying to help him out. It's not like we're doing anything wrong." I clutched my arm, trying to stay calm. "We talked about this already; I'm helping him, he needs my help."

"Maybe he's using you for your, like, brain dude." He looked back down. "You don't know..."

I bristled, feeling defensive. "He's a nice guy, Ted. And I can be friends with whoever I want." I crossed my arms. "Why are you so angry about this ? You're usually so chill about everything, why is this specific thing getting to you so much ?"

"Yeah dude, what's with the attitude?" Joined Bill, just as confused as me. "Be nicer to the babe."

Ted's jaw clenched as he stood up abruptly. "Fine. Do what you want. Just don't expect me to sit around waiting for you all the time." He paused, looking at both of us with wide eyes. "I'm hungry anyways."

He stormed out of the library, leaving Bill and me staring at him in shock.

"What the hell was that about?" Bill muttered, looking up at me.

I shook my head, feeling just as confused as him.

"I don't know. He's just been acting weird lately." I sigh, rubbing my hand down my face. "Since I started to help Ethan he's like that... I don't understand why tho."

"Maybe he's jealous," Bill suggested, raising an eyebrow.

I scoffed. "Jealous? Of what?"

"Of Ethan," Bill responded, shrugging. "You guys have been spending a lot of time together. Maybe Ted feels left out, I don't know." Bill smiled knowingly at me. "I mean, you did walk in here laughing while he was carrying your bag, dude."

"I, what ?" I think about it for a moment, still shaking my head. "Why would he mind about that ? Ted never carried my bag before..."

I rolled my eyes, but deep down, I knew that Bill was right. Ted had always been a little possessive of me, I just had never thought it was anything serious. We just always had each other so, I simply thought he was afraid I would leave for the more popular kids, maybe it's deeper than that... I look at Bill for an instant, noticing his open notebook.

"Hey, you want to study with me and Ethan ?" I asked, smiling. "I could help you with the Charlemagne chapter."

Bill face immediately lightened up. "It would be most excellent dudette !"

The next week, I had another tutoring lesson scheduled with Ethan, as always. He had his test in two days so this was THE moment to study. It's been days since I saw Ted, I had glimpse of him sometimes in the hallways, he would walk past me after quickly glancing my way. I tried to not overthink it but it was hard, I was missing him an awful lot... Not seeing it everyday of every minute just reminded me how much I like him, how bad my crush on him is.

As I walked into the library to join Ethan who sat at our usual table, I saw Ted sitting alone, looking dejected as always. With my heart starting to pound, I walked up to him, hating how our last conversation ended. The moment I approached his table, he looked up before quickly adverting his eyes, sitting up straight.

"Hey, Ted, what are you doing here?" I asked, kind of surprised to see him here of all places. He usually never hangs out in the library expect if we have to study, he seems to be here quite a lot lately.

"I thought I'd surprise you and come help you tutor Ethan..." Ted said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Bill told him you helped him after, you know."

"Really? That's great, Ted!" I said, genuinely happy to see him and especially hear him say that. "Oh yeah, it's great !" I grasped his hand without thinking, dragging him to me and Ethan's table. When he noticed us approach, Ethan smiled nicely. "What's up?" he asked while Ted sat on the chair next to me. "You're Theo, right?" Ethan asked, putting his fist in front of him.

"Ted." He responded simply, fist bumping Ethan's hand with hesitation.

"Right, Ted, my bad man."

"He's really bad with names." I murmured, trying to ease the atmosphere. " Especially Napoléon Bonaparte, he cannot remember his name even if his life depended on it..."

"Hey, that French guy as a hard name ok !" Replied Ethan, his hand up in surrender.

"Napoleon ?" Repeated Ted, before turning to me. "Oh the little angry French dude ?"

Ethan brust out laughing at that, earning us a shush from the librarian. We giggled quietly, Ted shoulders relaxing lightly and is usual smile finally appaering again.

"Guys, guys, let's focus ok ? The test is in two days !" I say in the most neutral voice possible, not succeeding to stop my growing smile from appearing at Ted's one. "Ok, so what famous battle did Napoléon Bonaparte loose ?"

Three hours later, we finally get out of there, sighing loudly. Ethan's leave's us quickly, having a football practice, leaving me and Ted alone in front of the library. I quickly glance at him but feel heat rise to my cheeks when I see that he was already looking at me, a big smile on his lips.

"You were right dudette ! Ethan is a nice dude !" He pat's my shoulder. "He as a most excellent humour."

I laugh, nudging Ted shoulder with mine. "Told you." I respond, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, groaning.

"I can carry it if you want !" Before I can even reply, he takes it from me and slings it over his available shoulder. "There ! Now we're ready to go !"

"Why do you all think I can't carry my own bag ?!" I complain, while catching up with Ted who already started walking. I stop my thoughts for a moment, thinking back on what Billy said to me a few days ago. I look back at Ted who's still smiling, moving his head to the beat of an invisible song. That's when it hits me, finally. I stop in my track, also stopping Ted by putting my hand on his arm. "What's up dude ?" He asks, turning around to face me. "Y/N ?"

"You were jealous of me and Ethan." I whisper, realising it as I say it. "But, not because you were afraid of losing me as...a friend."

Ted eyebrows furrow, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean?"

"You were jealous, yes ?" I ask, looking up at him. "Be honest."

He's hesitant for a moment, his cheeks reddening slightly. "I mean, yeah...like, kinda. I was afraid he was, you know, mean and stuff." He shrugges, his gaze looking at everything but me. "Turns out he's nice ! And his exam is in two days, so you'll be free again !"

"Ted..."

"Yes ?" He responds, looking at me again, his smile fading when he see's my expression. "Y/N ?"

"Are you..." I gulp, feeling my hand starting to shake. "Ted, I have to admit something to you. I don't know if I'm reading what's happening in the wrong way but I have to try, just in case I'm right." His brows furrow again, now he looks even more lost than before. "Give me my bag, just in case I'm wrong so that I can run away quickly." I chuckle nervously.

"What ?" He laughs quickly "Why would you ran away dude ?"

"I like you." I blur out, looking him dead in the eyes. "Not in a you're my best friend way but in a I want to be way more than your best friend way." I quickly swallow, feeling my courage fade. "I mean, not super mega best friend way either. Romantic way, like couples." I search his eyes. "Ted ?" I ask, my heart hammering in my chest. "Please, say something..."

"Woah dude..." He whispers, taking his head in his hands. "DUDE !"

I jump at his sudden yelling but can't help a laugh when I see him jumping around, punching the air yelling dude and woah multiples time. He suddenly stops, looking at me with the widest smile I've ever seen him have.

"DUDE !" He yells again, running towards me, lifting me in his arms while I yelp.

"Ted ! Oh my god, what are you doing ?!" I laugh while he spins me around. "I'm going to fall, I'll fall !" I breath out, felling my body slip away from his arms. "Ted, what's happening with you ?" I laugh, out of breath while he puts me down, his arms still holding me close to him.

"What's happening ? Dude, you told me you're in love with me !" He responds quickly, his voice trembling. "The most bodacious babe just told me she likes me ! Like, in a romantic way !"

I push him a bit to look at him, surprised. "Wait, does that mean..."

He cuts me off. "Of course it does ! Why would I spin you around ?"

"Do you even know yourself ? You could do it at any given opportunity!" I laugh, in disbelief. "So, I was right, you were jealous of Ethan."

Ted lower his head, his hair covering his face to hide his shamefulness. "Yeah... I mean, the guy's has everything. He's popular, handsome, nice and a jock. Bonus point for being funny !"

I smile tenderly, taking his face in my hands to put his gaze back into mine.

"True. He's veeeery handsome." Ted huff, trying to look away but I turn his face again to make him look back at me. "But I prefer guys with brown hair and eyes, who wear silly jackets with a big smiling face behind, rather than a sport's one. I also prefer guys with a blond friend called Bill. You want me to continue or you got it ?"

I feel the heat radiating from his face on my fingers, if seeing how red he was wasn't enough. We only look at each other for a moment, letting everything sink in.

"I really want to kiss you." He breaths out. "Can I kiss you ?"

"After you apologies."

"I'm sorry for being an evil dude. I shouldn't have ignored such a babe just because of a nice jock guy."

I giggle when he gives my cheek a quick peck. "And I'm sorry for not taking the time to hang out with you and Bill, I should have. I swear that from this day on, I will no matter what !" I finish my speech by returning his quick peck, making him giggle. "Now you can kiss me handsome."

He blushes at the pet name before crashing his lips on mine without a warning, making me yelp in surprise. Quickly, I compose myself and slide my hands to his hair to deepen the kiss while they move in rhythm with one another. It's clumsy, so we smile and giggle through it, he even apologies some times which I always respond with a simple it's ok before pulling him back for more. He doesn't have to be jealous, because no matter how messy and inexperienced our kisses are, I only want his.

"This was the most excellent kiss ever !"

[shegeekery]

Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius:  I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold... 

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

[withlovewriting]

All I Ever Knew, Only You 18: The Graduate

Chapter Eighteen.

I tapped on your window on your darkest night, The shape of you was jagged and weak, There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway, You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself, But do you know, you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave, Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage, damage me? And carry your baggage up my street, And make me your future history, it's time, You've come along way, open the blinds, let me see your face, You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody.

Summary: Hawkins was your typical quaint, mid-western town where nothing ever happened. People were born here, lived their entire lives within the town limits, and eventually died here, peacefully in their sleep. But one cold November evening in 1983 would change everything.

Despite a child with psychokinetic abilities and ravenous monsters that lacked faces, stranger things had definitely happened in the small town in Indiana. One of them being your reluctant and slightly imposed friendship with Hawkins High’s own King Bee, Steve Harrington.

Characters: Steve Harrington x Non-descriptive F!Reader (eventual)

Words: 8,024

Chapter Warnings: Underage drinking, explicit language, fluff, allusions to cheating (not main character related), violence, protective-but-still-an-idiot!Steve, mentions of vomitting.

Series Warnings: Strong language, mentions of underage drinking, mentions of drug use, canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of possible mental health disorders, child abuse, slow burn, kinda enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, I like to call it ‘two idiots who begrudgingly befriend each other only to realize… ‘wait a damn minute…’, eventual sexual content, canon-typical time-period bullshit. 18+. Minors DNI.

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter: COMING SOON

Taglist: @kezibear

Chapter Eighteen: The Graduate

A bead of sweat trickled down your temple, the motion of wiping it away both autonomous yet otiose, since another would replace it soon enough. It was only early June, but the Mid-west summer was back with a vengeance this year.

“How long is this gonna take?” Mike huffed, pushing his ever-growing hair out of his face, “It’s as hot as Satan’s ass crack out here.”

The boy had been scowling since he’d clambered into your car and immediately noticed the lack of air-con.

Condensation from your bottled water dripped down your hand as you passed the boy the drink, knowing that although it wouldn’t do much to cool him down, at least if he was drinking he couldn’t be complaining at the same time.

“They just called his name,” Lucas noted, catching a glimpse of the boy from his elevated seat on the bleachers as your small group — bar Mike — stood, applauding and hollering the older boy’s name.

The noise caught Steve’s attention as he shook Principal Higgins’ hand, a beaming smile stretching across his face as he sauntered across the stage like he’d been class valedictorian. Sure, Steve had only graduated by the skin of his teeth, and he hadn’t been able to secure one college place, but he had graduated nonetheless.

The rest of the ceremony seemed to pass quickly, and despite the raging beat down from the sun and the kid’s complaining — as if Max didn’t hail from California — you could hardly wipe the smile from your face.

Pushing your way through the large sea of students, you practically had to tear yourself away from the boy’s tight grip as he hugged you, “You came?”

“I mean, you kinda saved our asses last year. Would be rude to not show our faces.” Max smiled, slightly perplexed, as the boy pulled her into her own bone-crushing hug. He made his way down the group, Eleven and Lucas being the only ones to seemingly enjoy it.

“Yeah, it uh… It means a lot.”

You’d been able to wrangle the kids — bar Dustin, who had left a week or so before for some summer camp — to the ceremony, but you knew you didn’t have long before they grew bored and even more annoying than usual.

“Oh, there he is!” A loud, shrill cut through the already noisy atmosphere as Mr. And Mrs. Harrington made their way toward the boy, the former pulling her son into an embrace, “Oh, look at you! You look so smart in your robes.”

Mr. Harrington rolled his eyes as his wife continued to fawn over their only child, “Well, don’t get used to it. You won’t be seeing him in them again since he didn’t get into one damn college.”

“Honey, not here.”

Her voice was stern and her eyes sharp as she sent her husband a pointed look, almost daring him to try to continue this conversation in public, though the man merely turned and began to fiddle with his pager.

“Thanks, Mom,” Steve mumbled, his cheeks flushed — from the sun, or the embarrassment of his mother gripping his cheeks, you weren’t sure — as he peered toward you, the snickers from the kids only deepening his blush.

“Oh, hello again,” Mrs. Harrington had seemingly just noticed you, her smile appearing more strained as she looked around at the small ragtag group surrounding her son, “We didn’t know any of your... friends were coming, sweetheart.”

It took everything in Steve to not shake his head and deny that he was friends with actual children, to explain why they were all so prominent in his life. But he didn’t want to look like an asshole, nor did he want to be shipped off to some insane asylum, or worse… taken away by the government. So instead, Steve sent a tight-lipped smile to his mother as he simply nodded.

“You’re going to have to head out to dinner without me tonight,” Steve’s father sighed, shoving his pager back into the pocket of his tailored black pants, “Stacy said there’s an emergency meeting in Indianapolis, I’ll be gone for the night-”

“I’ll ring Enzo’s when we get back, let them know we’ll reschedule.”

“You two can go on without me. I don’t-”

“You understand, don’t you Steven?” Mrs. Harrington cut off her husband, turning her attention back toward her son, missing the moment his face dropped.

“Yeah, I, uh… It’s fine, Mom.”

Pressing a kiss to the boy’s cheek, Mrs. Harrington returned her gaze to her husband, “We’ll go home and pack. I’ll ring Enzo’s, and you can tell Stacy to book a dinner at the hotel for two tonight.”

Steve watched as the two made their way out toward the parking lot, the noises around him blurring into one sound.

“-And there’s a new movie out tonight, I can totally try to score us some free popcorn at the Hawk unless you wanna try out the new one at Starcourt? Or if you don’t wanna head out, we can rent something at Family Video. I can grab us a pizza and-”

“Party at mine, tonight,” Steve shouted, causing the large crowd of teens to turn in his direction, “8 O’clock.”

“There’s already a party planned for tonight, Harrington. Must have forgotten to post your invite, so sorry.” Carol’s all-too-familiar snarl sounded much too close as she approached you.

“Yeah, well… I have a pool.” Steve shrugged. It wasn’t often he’d laud his parent’s wealth over people, but tonight… Tonight was an exception.

A loud cheer sounded from the crowd, some hollering and chanting Steve’s name, reminding him of the past few years of high school. Carol, however, was less than pleased, scoffing before making her way back to Tommy.

“What time should we get there?” Lucas asked, eyes wide and shining, only to be quickly shut down by the older boy,

“Yeah, not a chance in Hell, Sinclair.”

Despite Steve’s offer to help him set up — he had made his bed, therefore as far as you were concerned, he could sleep in it — you had other plans. You’d dropped off the kids at Mike’s house where they could irritate Mrs. Wheeler instead, and after a pathetic attempt to make yourself somewhat decent for the party later, you headed to your destination.

It was already dark by the time you’d made your way to Forest Hills trailer park, but the summer air remained a few degrees above comfortable, and you begrudged the fact your mother had all but whipped the car keys from your grasp the moment you’d opened the front door. She didn’t have a shift tonight, so you could only assume she was headed out to whatever bar would allow her in.

Throwing your bike down on the patch of grass in front of the steps, the door rattled under your slightly too zealous knock.

“Alright, alright, hold your damn horse- oh, evenin’.” The door swung open, causing you to step backward down the large concrete stairs as Eddie’s uncle, Wayne, appeared, mug in one hand and an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“Is Eddie here?”

The man nodded, letting out an exasperated sigh as he placed the mug down on a small table inside where you could see a small TV set up before moving aside and letting you enter, “He’s holed up in his room, maybe you can get a bit more sense outta the boy than I did.”

Wayne made his way outside and shut the door behind himself, mumbling under his breath as he left. You could already hear the thumping bass from down the small hallway, so you kicked off your shoes and knocked a few times on his door.

“Go away, Wayne.”

Pushing the door open, you leaned against the door frame and waited for the boy to notice you. Laying prone on his messy bed, Eddie Munson looked a little too pathetic for your liking. He was dramatic at the best of times, and cocksure at the worst, but the sight of the young man laying face first into his lumpy pillow as he loudly bemoaned his future was something else altogether.

Clearing your throat, you watched closely as he let out a long, annoyed huff of air and turned only his head, a glare already set on his features that was meant for his uncle quickly fell into something that resembled a baby deer trapped in headlights when he realized that it was not, in fact, Wayne, who was trying to rouse him from his evening of desperation and depression.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, Munson,” you smirked, turning your attention to a book haphazardly thrown onto the boy’s desk.

His bed squeaked as he rolled over, quickly pushing himself to his feet to snatch the book, the blue cover slightly torn and bent along the edges, indicating how often it had been read, “You’re not Wayne…”

“What gave it away?” You cocked a brow, still ignoring the boy as you continued to look around his room, the boy feeling a little too abashed at the state of his room, “the lack of plaid? Or the fact I’m not a 50-year-old man? Pick your words wisely, Munson.”

“Stop touching my shit,” Eddie grumbled, taking away another item — this time, a comic book — from your grasp and placing it precariously on top of his ashtray, his brow still furrowed slightly as he ran a hand over his hair, a futile attempt to straighten out the mass of curls on his head, “What are you doing here? Heard Harrington was having some big, stupid blowout to celebrate graduating by the skin of his teeth. Assumed you’d be with him since, you know, you're attached at the hip now, or whatever.”

Eddie was hurting, which was the sole reason you swallowed down the venomous response that had tasted a little too sour on your tongue for even you. You were here to check in on the boy, not make him feel worse that he, once again, was not a graduate of Hawkins High, and would instead have to repeat another year under the watchful, exasperated eye of Principal Higgins.

“Wanted to see you, see how you’re doing after… you know.” Eddie sent you a halfhearted glare before flopping back down onto his bed, this time facing the ceiling with a huff, “Which I guess isn’t good, since you’re blowing both your own and my ears out with this shit.”

Eddie sat up quickly, holding his weight up on his elbows, “This isn’t shit, it’s Black Sabbath, and Ozzy Osbourne is thee-”

“Yeah, yeah, the prince of darkness, I know, Eddie. I’ve heard the spiel before. But can you please just turn it down a little?”

Eddie leaned over his bed, turning down the dial of his boombox in defeat as the room felt a little too quiet now, “Look, I don’t need checking in on, alright? I’m a big boy, and this isn’t my first rodeo.”

Throwing yourself down next to the boy, laying side by side, perpendicular on the bed, your eyes gazed over the posters that lined his walls, including his homemade ‘Corroded Coffin’ banner. Rolling on your side slightly, you dug around in your back pocket, searching for the notes you’d shoved in there earlier, “Hey, you got any pre-rolls?”

“I’m not really in the mood,” Eddie huffed, only to be cut off when the money floated down onto his chest. Sighing, he pushed himself up once more and grabbed his metal lunchbox from the bedside table, “I normally charge extra for pre-rolled, you know?”

“Friends discount?” you shrugged, eyes turning to watch the boy as he plonked the box onto his desk, sitting in his old, barely still standing chair, and got to work, “You know, you’ll get caught in school with that one day. It’s a little obvious you’re not exactly carrying around a sandwich in it.”

Ignoring your barely there concern, Eddie shook his head, “Oh, we’re friends, are we? You know the assholes at school would shun you even more if they heard you declare that.”

Rolling your eyes, you rested your hands on your stomach, “I’ve watched your shitty band play live. By choice. I’d definitely say we’re friends, Munson.”

“You know, I’m starting to think you refer to everything you like as shitty. Black Sabbath, but I know you know at least two of their albums, my music, but you’ve seen the band live…” After securing the joint, Eddie gently fell back onto the bed, elbow a little too close to your ribs as he rolled to face you, “Tell me how you really feel about DND.”

Shoving the boy away from you, you checked around the small table to the side of his bed for a lighter, tossing the magazine from earlier onto the floor in search of the ashtray, stopping short when you came across the blue box innocently placed next to it. Tossing the boy the lighter, you moved back from where you were leaning over Eddie, blue box in hand and a wide smirk on your face.

“Lubricated, for her pleasure, right?” You couldn’t help the cackle that escaped you as Eddie choked as he inhaled a lungful of smoke, sitting up quickly to grab the box, despite the fact he was certain he was about to die.

“Give that here,” he glared, throat scratchy when he finally managed to catch his breath, allowing you to take the joint only once you’d passed him the box of condoms, “God, you’re annoying.”

Finally settling down, you returned to your original place on the bed, taking a large toke or two before handing the joint back to the boy, “Hey, I think it’s great that you care about that shit-”

“It’s important,” Eddie glared, his cheeks burning in lingering embarrassment, “Can’t just ram it in there, and-”

“Christ, Munson, I don’t actually care about your sex life. I’m just glad you’re being responsible, even if that is an unopened packet.”

“Yeah, well,” Eddie sighed, releasing a long cloud of smoke as you continued to pass the joint back and forth, “I’m the only Munson Junior in town. Wouldn’t wanna make this shithole hate me more, right?”

Halting in your actions, joint halfway to your mouth, you looked over at the boy who despite putting on a pretty decent front in school and around town, was only able to let his walls down, even slightly, in the comfort and safety of his own home. A home that he was forced to share with his uncle.

“You’re nothing like Al, you know that right?”

“What, charming? Charismatic?”

“You know what I mean, Ed.”

And he did.

Word around Hawkins traveled faster than mono in high school, and all of the charm in the world wouldn’t make Alan Munson a better man. Whether or not the death of Eddie’s mother had devastated the man or not, he was the only one to blame for the life of gambling and theft that he began to lead.

But grief was a funny thing. It could wreck even the strongest of men, even the kindest of them, and Al Munson was neither of those things to begin with.

After finishing the last of your joint, you pocketed the rest and once you were certain that Eddie was going to be okay, you decided to take your leave. Eddie gave you a ride to the Harrington residence, offering to drop your bike back home on the way through, offering you a ride home later, if you needed it.

You knew what he was getting at, a Cheshire cat grin pulling widely at his cheeks as he sent you a sleazy wink, only to receive a joint thrown — unlit, thankfully — to his face. For his troubles, you’d assured him.

By the time you’d arrived at Steve’s house, it was already full of half-cut teenagers celebrating their newfound freedom. Steve was lucky that he didn’t really have any neighbors in close range, because you could hear the music blasting from the sound system, along with the screams and laughter and chanting coming from the backyard before you’d even exited Eddie’s van.

“You sure you don’t wanna come in? Just for one drink? You might make a sale?”

But the older boy shook his head, the now tight smile that tugged almost uncomfortably across his mouth not fooling anyone, “Nah. We smoked the last of the shit I got from Rick, plus I gotta tie up some loose ends on my next campaign. It’s a big one.”

Eddie waved you off, his van making more racket than the house party as he drove back up the driveway, and you only hoped he wouldn’t get pulled over for the inevitable speeding he’d be doing back through town.

Pushing open the large, red door, the house already seemed much too cramped, full of people who were practically strangers.

A familiar song was playing through the speakers, something you were sure you’d heard on the radio in Steve’s car recently, but you didn’t care enough to place it. Either way, people were dancing up a storm.

You felt a sharp pain in your side as you pushed through the crowd, hoping to find someone you recognized when a loud shout of your name caught your attention.

Finally breaking out of the sea of people, you met Steve in the kitchen where he was pouring what seemed to be another round of shots, a gaggle of now ex-students surrounding him at all sides, accepting their drink with gusto. You waited for the boy to down his own, watching as he shook his head in an attempt to drown out the burn that the liquor left in his throat. He was obviously drunk, you realized, as he rounded the kitchen counter and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into a one-armed hug that felt a little more like a headlock.

“I’m so glad you came! I thought you were gonna bail.”

“Yeah, well… There’s still time,” you only half-joked, patting his back before he let you go, only to drag you back to the group he was standing with. You recognized a few of the girls, all of them fawning over the man of the hour the last few years of high school, especially Debbie Rein. Ex-head cheerleader, and one thousand percent Steve’s type. Before Nancy, at least. God, you thought to yourself, she must have been absolutely infuriated that Nancy Wheeler of all people had their taste of Steve before she did.

“So, you know these guys, right?” Steve asked, his hand flailing in the small group's direction.

You sent them an awkward smile, despite being practically ignored by them all. Cheerleaders and jocks were not aware of your existence in school, of that you were sure, but you still tried, “Uh, yeah. We had Chem together last year, I think.”

Debbie — who had returned to her previous state of clinging to Steve’s arm — merely looked you up and down, shrugging her shoulder as if to prove a point that you were all too forgettable. You knew she was counting down the seconds until you left, and Steve’s attention could return solely back to her. Steve, however, had a different plan.

“Here you go,” he handed you the small plastic cup, a shot full of what was likely the most expensive vodka in his parent’s liquor cabinet.

“Oh, uh, no I’m good thanks-”

“C’mon, it’s graduation! Just the one, I promise.” Steve interrupted, holding the drink closer to you, big brown eyes peering down like a too-excited puppy, only making it all that harder to turn down.

You would’ve, though, had Debbie — whose nails were practically digging into Steve’s bicep — not scoffed, lips pulling into the same smirk you’d seen grace her annoyingly pretty face countless times in the school hallways as she hit books out of freshman’s arms and tripped the band geeks as they lugged their heavy instruments to practice.

Instead of asking her what her problem was, because you knew damn well what her issue was with you, you accepted the drink from Steve’s sticky, vodka grip, swallowing it down in one, trying — and failing — to keep a straight face. Turns out, even expensive vodka tasted like paint stripper.

Steve let out a cheer as you placed the small cup back onto the counter and quickly downed another of his own, tongue sticking out at the taste. You watched the blonde roll her eyes before turning her attention back to the boy, “Oh my god, I love this song. Let’s dance!”

Steve nodded enthusiastically, even though he honestly had no idea what was currently playing, but the girl’s smirk quickly fell from her face as he grabbed your arm, trying to drag you toward the makeshift dance floor,

“No, Steve, I’m not…” shaking your arm from his grip, you tried your best not to glare at him, “I don’t think that’s what she meant.”

The boy’s head tipped to the right as he frowned, “What who meant?”

Sighing, you patted the boy on his cheek, eyes softening at his dopey, drunken expression, “Debbie. You know, the girl in the… You know what? Never mind.”

“You want another drink?”

Shaking your head, you stepped closer to the boy attempting to avoid an all too passionate couple that seemed to be attached at the mouth, “Shots aren’t really my thing. Look, Steve, I think I should-”

“C’mon, there’s a keg out back.” The boy didn’t stop to make sure you were following, instead grabbing your hand and dragging you back through the kitchen, past Debbie, who sent you one last bitter glare, and into the back yard where he snatched two clean solo cups and poured a little too much beer into each.

You followed him toward the lounge chairs, a heavy weight settling on your chest as you took note of the last time you were here. The last time you’d seen Barb alive. Sending a quick glance to the boy, you wondered if the memories hit him just as hard, if not harder. Because at least you could go home, he couldn’t even look out of his window without the painful reminder of what happened that night, and who was — unrightfully so — blamed for it all.

Steve tipped back his cup, gulping down a large mouthful of the bitter drink before looking around at the groups that had gathered, some people cooling off in the pool, others relishing in the early summer heat.

“It’s a good turnout, right?” He questioned, his wide eyes turning toward you, once again seeking your validation, “better than anything Tommy or Carol could’ve pulled off.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know? Not for them, and especially not with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was obvious that Steve was lying, his focus quickly returning to the crowd around him as he took another sip, “I’m just being a normal teenage guy on graduation, right? I’m allowed to do that, right?”

Releasing a long and irritated sigh, you tried your best to ignore his tone, knowing it wasn’t really you that he was upset with, “I’m not saying you can’t, Steve. I’m just saying you don’t have to.”

“Look, you just… you wouldn’t get it, alright? Tonight is the most normal I’ve felt in a long time. I mean, I was someone in high school, you know? People cared. You were just a…”

You were sure your heart physically ached as the boy’s sentence dwindled off, a sip of his beer to wash down the harsh words, regret obvious in his features.

“Just a what, Steve? Just some loser who you didn’t know existed until you were dragged into this shit? Or rather barreled headfirst into it because you couldn't mind your own damn business.”

He wanted to remind you that his barreling had, as a matter of fact, saved your life that night at the Byers' residence. He had the blood stain on the backseat of his Beamer to prove it. But Steve wasn’t here to burn bridges, despite being drunk enough to light the match,

“I didn’t say that-”

“You didn’t have to,” you were trying, and failing, to keep your cool as your voice amplified, “Jesus, Steve. I really thought you’d gotten over this shit, but one stupid comment from Carol earlier and… You know what, forget it. Enjoy your night down memory lane, Steve. I’m sure Debbie’s still in the kitchen if you’re that desperate to relive your glory days.”

Standing, you handed your cup a little too forcefully to the boy who didn’t seem bothered at all that some of the beer spilled over the side, most likely staining his shirt, as he struggled to stand in his drunken stupor,

“Have a great graduation party, King Steve.”

“Oh, wow. I didn’t think you’d turn up, considering you’re not in the graduating class.” You were sure that Carol’s voice was the background music in Hell, “Any of your other loser friends get a pity invite, or are you just Harrington’s special friend of the moment?”

Steve called your name, almost completely unaware of Carol’s presence, too occupied with your sudden halt, watching closely as you turned back around,

“You know, Carol, I think it’s really great that you and Tommy are so secure in your relationship that you trust each other to go to colleges in different states. I mean, I know Tommy didn’t exactly get his pick of the crop, but considering what happened at Sally’s party last weekend? Well, you’re a better woman than me, that’s for sure.”

Tommy’s ears — as well as the large group that had formed outside — perked up at the mention of his name, splodges of red from the tips of his ears, spreading down his neck as he sent his girlfriend an ingratiating smile, “I promise, babe, nothing happened at Sally’s. I was barely even there an hour-”

Rumors spread around the school like a forest fire, and being all but invisible had its perks if you knew how to use them, but you decided to leave the boy to his fumbling as he tried his best to explain himself, ready to shove your way back through the crowd.

Maybe you would call in that ride from Eddie.

“I don’t even know why you’re here, the only place you’ll be going to after graduation is Pennhurst.” Tommy’s biting tone stopped you mid-step, and as you turned to face him, you could see that for a split second, he was unsure if he’d gone too far. And if looks could kill, he’d be six feet under already.

“Maybe you should be more concerned with why your girlfriend wasn’t at Sally’s party, and who she was with, instead. I’ll give you a clue, it starts with Har, and ends with Grove.”

“You crazy bitch,” Tommy spat, any amount of uncertainty for his previous comment now gone with the wind as he quickly approached you, and you realized that maybe this time, you had pushed too hard and the boy might actually hit you.

Your chest bumped against Steve’s back as he slotted himself between you and the incoming, hot-headed idiot that he used to call a friend. Despite being obviously drunk, Steve’s words were much clearer than before, “Back off, Tommy. Just go, and take her with you.”

“What happened to you, man?” The boy questioned, his dark eyes peering into Steve’s as if he was genuinely perplexed by Steve’s change of personality this past year. Then again, he didn’t know half the shit Steve had been through. Half the shit you had been through together, “She got a beer-flavored pussy that’s got you whipped or something-”

The crack was loud in the silence of the yard, a few gasps escaped some of the spectators as they watched Tommy stumble back slightly, hand pressed to his nose as he felt the first trickle of blood run over his knuckles.

Unfortunately for Steve, Tommy had a lot less to drink and seemingly recovered much too quickly, throwing his own punch and catching Steve across the cheekbone, the boy’s body stumbled into you slightly as you gripped the back of his shirt. Steve’s face forcibly slammed in the other direction as Tommy landed his second hit, taking full advantage of his inebriated state, and it was only when you forced yourself in between them that Tommy stopped.

“Your reign is long over, Harrington. Don’t you get that? All anyone will ever remember you as is some loser has-been, who peaked in high school. C’mon, babe. This party’s lame, anyway.”

The crowd's whispers soon faded out as someone turned the music up, the sounds of Madonna’s ‘Material Girl’ enough to recapture the ever-fleeting attention of teenagers, and you turned around, eyes wide as you watched the bruise on Steve’s cheekbone blossom in front of your own eyes, “Steve, I-”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, not quite sobering up, but definitely no longer in the mood to parade about as if he were having fun. So instead, he made a beeline to the trusty bottle of very expensive vodka.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you waited until the swirling colored squiggles faded behind your eyelids before opening them back up and peering through the large sliding glass door trying to spot the boy. You couldn’t leave him like this, not when you felt partially responsible for the showdown that just happened. So begrudgingly, you pushed back through the overcrowded house, trying to find him.

It wasn’t too hard, surprisingly, as all you had to do was follow the loud cheers that seemed to echo around the house. Steve stood in the kitchen, all but chugging the bottle of vodka. With pinched brows, you marched toward him, yanking the bottle from his grip and causing some of it to join the beer stain you’d left previously.

The chanting came to an abrupt halt, loud boos and shouts aimed in your direction as you kept the bottle away from Steve’s grabbing hands,

“Give it back, it’s mine.” He slurred, eyes not quite able to focus on you. The bottle seemed much emptier than before you’d made your way outside, and you could only hope that other partygoers had taken their fill because if not, Steve was going to be left with one hell of a hangover in the morning. Ignoring the bottle you’d taken from him, Steve made a move to grab a solo cup, half filled with a red liquid that he wasn’t entirely sure of. Too drunk and too emotional, Steve knocked the cup before he was able to grab it, the contents spilling all over the kitchen counter, and yourself.

“You’re being way too dramatic right now, Harrington, and the only way this is gonna end is with your head in the toilet.”

“Oh, Harrington this, Harrington that,” he huffed, his brow wrinkled as he peered down with a look you’d never seen him give you before, “Jesus, you don’t have to be here. You can go at any time! Just because shit happened last year, and I’m gonna rot in this town for the rest of my life doesn’t mean…”

The boy stopped mid-sentence, almost freezing in place, “It doesn’t mean…”

“Steve? You good?”

“It doesn’t mean… I’m gonna puke.”

Desperately, you grabbed the boy by the back of the neck and pushed him toward the kitchen sink, all but sticking his head into it so he wouldn’t throw up over the floor. A few disgusted guests groaned, quickly evacuating the kitchen, but the music drowned out the boy’s gagging.

Once Steve’s stomach had finally settled, his shoulders no longer heaving as he retched, you grabbed an empty solo cup from the side and filled it with water from the tap, leaving it running to clear the sink.

“Sip, don’t gulp. Or you’ll be sick again.”

Steve nodded and slowed down his drinking, his eyes looking anywhere but at you.

“I wanna sleep,” he mumbled, sounding a little like a toddler who was overdue for a nap.

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but you kinda have a house full of people. If you go to bed, you might wake up without a couch, and I think your parents might notice.”

A childlike pout settled on his lips, brow pulled together as he finally looked at you, brown puppy dog eyes all but begging you for something he really didn’t need your permission for. Squeezing your eyes closed, you let out an annoyed sigh but nodded regardless, allowing the boy to place his arm over your shoulder for balance.

“Let's get you upstairs, and I’ll deal with the rest.”

“I can take it from here-”

“Fuck off, Debbie,” you huffed, pushing past the blonde from earlier and making your way toward the boy's room, ignoring the drunken wolf whistles and whooping from the crowd who’d noticed you leading Steve upstairs, wondering if Steve felt as embarrassed at Tina’s party last year when he’d helped you — too drunk, and much too upset — safely into his car.

Despite being on more than one of the athletic clubs in school, Steve wasn’t an overly muscular guy, yet his lean body was still heavy to assist — or rather, drag — upstairs, especially as with every step, Steve leaned a little more weight onto you.

Making your way down the hallway, and toward his room, you raised your voice slightly to catch the attention of the overly zealous couple making out against his door. Thankfully, Steve had locked the rooms upstairs, bar his own, and the bathroom in an attempt to keep this kind of thing from happening. He wasn’t a prude — obviously — but he wasn’t sure how he’d explain cleaning his parent’s bed sheets when they returned tomorrow.

“Hey, move it. Go find somewhere else to swap saliva. Preferably one of your own bedrooms.”

The couple scoffed, sending you a glare, but headed downstairs nonetheless.

How you managed to open Steve’s door and keep the boy upright took nothing less than a miracle, and you couldn’t help but feel relieved when he stumbled into his room and fell backward onto his bed, the frame creaking slightly under his sudden weight.

“Are you gonna throw up anymore?”

Shaking his head, Steve tried to take off his sneakers, giving up when the task seemed too strenuous. Making your way over and sitting at the bottom of his bed, you grabbed his shoes one at a time, tugging the sneakers from his feet and dropping them to the floor, “Steve, I need to make sure that you’re not going to choke on your own vomit if I leave you alone for ten minutes.”

“I’m fine, I’m good… I’m great,” Steve sighed, rolling onto his stomach and nuzzling his pillow.

Deciding that he would survive for the foreseeable future, you made your way downstairs, a plan already formed before your foot hit the bottom step. Pushing your way through the crowd in the living room, you cut the music suddenly, shouting out over the crowd,

“Cops!”

The crowd dispersed quickly, knowing that although they had their newfound freedom from school, that wouldn’t stop the long grounding most of them would receive from their parents if they were escorted home in a police car. The suddenly silent house made your ears ring as you looked around at the mess that was the Harrington’s family room.

Locking the front door, just in case any stragglers made their way back, and began the clean up in the kitchen. You found a black trash bag under the sink and began to bag up the red solo cups and empty bottles of beer that were littering downstairs. You had no idea what time the Harringtons intended to return home, but you doubted that Steve would be awake before midday, and cleaning up this mess felt like the least you could do.

Maybe tomorrow, when Steve was a little more sober and hopefully feeling a lot more forgiving, you could sort out the rest. Or, maybe, he’d forget that it had even happened, and you’d never have to talk about it again.

Somehow, you didn’t think you’d be that lucky.

Eventually, all of the cups inside and outside of the house had been collected, and the remaining bottles of liquor had been refilled with water and placed back into the large cabinet where Mrs. Harrington kept them. Couch pillows plumped, and sticky counters wiped, you left the trash bag outside the back door, eyes avoiding the pool as you locked up, hoping that Steve’s parents wouldn’t be home before he threw it out. Somehow, you weren’t sure he’d be that lucky.

Turning off all the lights except the small lamp by the door after you’d made a futile attempt to wash the red stain from your shirt, you made your way back upstairs, needlessly knocking on the boy’s door before entering, intending to check on him one last time before you left.

Placing the glass of water on his bedside table, you turned your attention to the boy, still lying prone on his bed, hair falling onto his sweaty forehead. Moving to sit next to him, you gently carded your fingers through it, carefully untangling any parts that were slightly knotted from too much hairspray, and pushed the long strands away from his slightly bruised face,

“Hey, Steve… I’m gonna get going.”

Like a house cat in desperate need of attention, Steve nuzzled into your touch, practically purring, a soft sigh falling from his lips when your fingers finally left his hair, “I don’t wanna.”

“You don’t have to, Steve. I’m going home. You need to rest, you’re gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.”

“Stay,” he mumbled, his brow furrowing, before he managed to open his eyes, blinking a few times before looking right at you, “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. Please, stay.”

And maybe, if you’d have left, everything would’ve been okay. But those soft eyes peered up at you with such hesitation, as if he was waiting for you to decline, to sneak off and leave him alone in his big, practically desolate house, and you felt your refusal dissolve on your tongue.

“Move over, and stay on your side of the bed,” you glared, making your way around the bed, awkwardly settling down on top of the duvet and kicking off your sneakers.

“Scout’s honor,” Steve raised his hand, waving it slightly in the dark.

Scoffing, you kept your eyes on the ceiling as you felt Steve shuffle onto his back, his head turning to look in your direction, “I bet you weren’t even in scouts.”

“You’ll never know,” Steve tried to tease, his eyes feeling heavier with each passing second until finally, they closed.

You stayed stock-still until you were certain he was asleep, the soft snoring giving him away almost instantly. Every fiber of your body was telling you to leave, that he’d be fine sleeping off the drink, and his parents would never know what happened in the morning. Yet, you felt your own eyes drooping, staying closed for longer each time, unsure if it was from a long, stressful day, or from the weed you’d smoked at Eddie’s trailer.

Either way, you fell asleep soon after, the warmth emitting from the boy next to you pulling you into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

Considering it was only June, the air around you felt too thick and humid. If this was any indication of the summer to come, you might just sit in the Slushee machine at the arcade and never come out.

Your body felt warm and clammy, and you imagined the sun was beating down on your body already, but it seemed much too dark. Had you closed the blinds in Steve’s room the night before? Honestly, you couldn’t remember.

Either way, you felt much too warm, sticky, and uncomfortable to remain in bed all day, feeling like you had your body pressed against a heater.

Your eyes flew open, the blurry image of a freckled back staring right back at you, causing you to jerk backward. Unfortunately, your legs had seemed to entwine with Steve’s, the fabric of his jeans feeling scratchy against your ankle, where your own pants had rolled up slightly, and instead of peeling yourself from the boy’s back, you woke him with a jolt.

“The hell are you doing?” Steve grumbled, finally moving his legs and releasing your own as you scooted up in the bed.

Glaring down at the boy, you realized that it wasn’t the sun that had been causing you to overheat, it had been Steve’s body. Steve’s shirtless body, “Where the hell is your top?”

Steve groaned as he rolled over to face you, and if his brain wasn’t about to pound its way out of his ears, he might’ve laughed at your expression, “Jesus, calm down. It’s just a body. You’re lucky I still have my jeans on-”

“You’re lucky you still have your jeans on,” you said through gritted teeth, slapping the top of his arm, and trying to keep your eyes at a respectable level, “What’s the time?”

Lifting his arm toward his face, Steve squinted slightly as he looked at his watch, “9:15, God, did you not even pull the blinds last night?”

Steve’s arm fell over his face, ignoring your scoff, “Forgive me for thinking that making sure you didn’t choke on vomit as you slept was a little more important than closing the blinds.”

“I think I like you more when you’re asleep,” Steve sent you a childlike smirk before he scratched at his chest, the smattering of hair catching your attention, “you’re much nicer to me when you’re not awake.”

Pushing yourself from the bed, you tried in vain to keep your eyes anywhere except a shirtless Steve Harrington, and his disgusting wallpaper that for some reason, matched the drapes, “I should get going. I don’t know if my Mom came home last night, and if she did and she doesn’t know where I am, then I’m in big shit.”

“Wanna get some breakfast? I mean, if she knows you’re out, then you can’t really get in more trouble, right?”

You considered his offer for a moment, stomach groaning as if to make a point that you hadn’t eaten the previous evening, “I can’t exactly go in this.”

Steve’s eyes dropped to where you pointed, the red stain on your shirt now matching the one on his cheeks. Scratching the back of his head, at least he seemed remorseful, “Yeah, sorry about that. I was an idiot,”

Cocking a brow, you remained quiet as you watched him shuffle from his bed and open up his chest of drawers, “But you can totally borrow something of mine, and then I can take you home. I mean, breakfast kinda seems like the least I could do after last night. But please just… let me make it up to you.”

You took in Steve as he stood, hand stretched out toward you, gripping a random shirt, eyes downcast and begging for forgiveness. A forgiveness you didn’t feel he needed to ask for. But you weren’t one to turn down a free meal.

“Sunny Side diner. I want extra pancakes.” Grabbing the shirt from his grip, you made your way toward the stairs, “Oh, and shower. You stink of beer.”

Steve had arrived at the small diner just outside of town 40 minutes later, and if you were hungry before, you were ravenous by the time you’d sat down, eyes skimming over the menu despite knowing exactly what you were going to order.

Steve had looked a little green as a plate of eggs passed by the table, but by the time his own pancakes came, his stomach had settled.

“How's your head feeling?”

Placing his glass back on the table, Steve gulped down his orange juice as if someone were about to steal it, “It’s okay, could be worse.”

You nodded, taking a long sip of coffee, staring at the boy, “You know you look like a total dick with those on inside, right?”

“It’s too bright,” Steve moaned, and although you couldn’t see his eyes, you could tell from the lines that appeared between his eyebrows that he was glaring at you.

“And yet, you wouldn’t let me drive.”

“I don’t let anyone drive my car-”

“Max did,” an amused smirk pulled your mouth up to one side as Steve finally lifted his sunglasses, perching them on his head just to give you the full effect of his scowl.

“Maybe, but I didn’t let her.”

Shrugging, you cut up another piece of pancake before popping it into your mouth, “Semantics.”

Steve, despite now having to squint throughout his meal, kept his sunglasses on top of his head for the remainder of your time at the diner.

After a moment of comfortable silence, filled only by the sounds of other customers chatting and cutlery scraping plates, Steve returned his attention to you, “Thanks, by the way. For, you know, cleaning up. And taking care of me. I was an idiot, and you didn’t deserve anything I said. I took it out on you, and I really shouldn’t have. Tommy just… He just knows how to get to me, you know.”

“It’s fine, really. I’m kinda used to the whole cleaning up after someone else’s drunken escapades, you know? Plus, it’s not like you didn’t do the same for me last year. Call it even. And Tommy… I mean, he just wants the reaction out of you. He’s an asshole, and he’ll always be an asshole. But you, you know… You’ve changed, and he doesn't have enough brain cells to realize it's for the better.”

Steve watched you carefully as you pushed around the last piece of pancake on your plate, worried that he’d caused you to lose your appetite, despite having already demolished most of your meal.

“You think I’ve changed in a good way?”

Picking up your coffee mug, you stared into the dark brown liquid, wishing you could drown in it, “I mean, obviously. I don’t hate being around you anymore.”

“I can work with that,” the boy nodded, before stealing the last slice of pancake from your plate, “I am sorry though, that I put you in that position last night.”

Taking Steve’s empty plate and stacking it on top of your own, you avoided his eyes as much as possible, “Really, it’s fine. I mean, you kinda threw a punch for me. And, you know… took two.”

“I was drunk, Tommy had an unfair advantage.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure that’s it. Totally.”

Steve scoffed as you stood, the boy throwing down enough notes to cover the bill and tip before quickly catching you up, “I could totally win a fight if I wanted.”

“I’m sure you could, Steve.” Your voice was a little too condescending for Steve to take seriously as if you were trying to pacify an infant.

“I totally could,” Steve grunted as he settled into the driver seat, connecting his seat belt and turning his attention to you as you began to fiddle with the radio, fingers quickly being slapped away, “You know, I already had that set to a station I like.”

“You didn’t get your fill of Madonna last night? Tell me, are you a ‘Holiday’, or a ‘Material Girl’ kind of guy?”

Steve merely glared before finding the station he wanted, his hand flying forward to turn the radio off when the familiar chorus kicked in, “Silence is good too.”

“Ahh, a ‘Like A Virgin’ kind of guy. How ironic.”

“That was pure luck, alright?”

Holding up your hands, you sent the boy a winsome smile, “Hey, no judgment here.”

“Really? Because you sound awful judgmental over there.”

“Everyone has their vices, Harrington. Cheesy pop music is yours.”