#literally what my friend (with autism) said to me the other day

[reinanova]

sooooo i have come to the realization that i’m probably autistic and i’ve had many hyperfixations that are related to what i now realize is probably my special interest: crime

first up, forensic science. it’s been my thing since 6th grade and i’m a year away from graduating with a forensic science degree. clearly crime related

second, criminal minds. a show of crime fighters. pretty self explanatory

third, six of crows. a found family of criminals. again, self explanatory

and finally, my most recent obsession, leverage. once again, a group of found family criminals

[zipquips]

.

[fulltacs]

fuck it. free the blocklist.

tw for ableism, death threats, cw for general rage-inducing behavior

this is not exhaustive, this is a starting point. BLOCK these people, do not interact.

- literally anyone who interacts with @/ladygoth at this point. I don’t doubt that she and her friends are responsible for at least half of the hate anons received by darkfic writers

- as for the people who were “protecting” codslut/Myka… they’ve all been in my notifs liking my update post and un-liking sheheals post and deleting anything they might’ve said on the situation. yay, I guess. I may have unblocked you, but the other nosy people following everything certainly didn’t.

- on a related note, anyone who goes by “Myka” or “Hannah” gets blocked ON SIGHT (half-joking). I don’t care if that’s your name (please don’t put your real name on the internet) you better make up a new one 😤

- /bookobsessedram, /mothymunson, @starry-eyedblog , /ghostsbimbo, @ghostlywhiskey and @ghostly-whiskey, /angelofacidx, and @ladyxtiger were all involved in being assholes in the discord as seen here. not pictured: /bjornthebearguy and someone going by “spiders” in the server (not to be confused with /notspiders, my bad). and i’m sorely disappointed in /bunnyreaper, as mod, for letting them continue to chase people off, even though it had been brought to their attention before.

AND ESPECIALLY @simonrillleyyysss and @simonrillleyyyysss2 and @joostyklein (all their known alts). As a matter of fact, fuck everyone who’s friends with them (including /konigsblog). Jordi, G***, whatever the fuck you’re going by, I am so fucking sick of seeing your name in my DMs. So many people messaged me to say it was you and your gang’s hateful behavior that drove them away from the fandom, and I can vouch for some of them because I was there the whole time. What the fuck is wrong with you guys. I have a hard time believing your apology means ANYTHING when you used the discord to lead a brigade on Bo back in January, and CLEARLY HAVEN’T STOPPED being an asshole since then (“I still don’t like soapskneebrace either way”). Bo and Madi were not your only victims, again, there were quite a few others who came forward. You bullied anyone who disagreed with you and at the end of the day you only care about your follower count.

The craziest part is that most of the people we watched you bully are open about their autism diagnosis. And this was just a casual observation I made, not even an accusation, but five minutes later you make your first-ever very casual not-at-all-sus claim of having autism.

do you think we were born fucking yesterday. Trying to get ahead of ableism accusations by suddenly claiming to be autistic, even if true, is not gonna have the effect you thought it would, cause I wasn’t the only person who clocked that as WEIRD. (Internalized ableism is still ableism, btw.)

Just shut the fuck up. For once. It’s THAT SIMPLE. Leave everyone alone. Make your little posts without feeling the need to be assholes to other people.

Fun fact: I have received no death or rape threats in my anon mail, and maybe that’s because I’m not a very big blog. Or maybe it’s cause I know what all your fucking faces look like (hello, internet safety where?). I said fuck all y’all yesterday and I stand by that. Hopefully your time here is met with the same amount of love you’ve shown your peers.

[falloutcaldera]

Open Letter To Nukapedia

I have been informed me posting to tumblr is being assumed to be me trying to incite shit & assuming bad faith. As this was not my intention, here's the little good faith I have left:

I wrote that last message with the intention of leaving due to finding the situation unconscionable, while on a call with my disabled coauthor and friends who were equally as distressed as I was that someone like that had been not only allowed back into the server, but had been allowed to claim they had not said anything eugenicist. I then went to leave the sever only to discover it was no longer in my list - meaning I'd been banned before I could even leave. And then I had to learn the reason for my ban from a third party.

So my assumption was Not GreatTM. I was a little emotionally compromised! Let me elaborate as to why:

That user had called disabled children an 'empty resource sink' and a detriment to society in response to an ongoing conversation (one that I freely admit I had gotten frustrated with - what appeared at the time & what I am now almost certain was - sealioning - and thus been rude, and apologized for that) where I was attempting, in good faith, to explain contemporary fight for disability rights in the United states. I had previously mentioned IN SPECIFIC growing up autistic and seeing the murder of fellow autistic children being called 'mercy killings'. This user had previously in the course of this conversation specifically mentioned 'high functioning conditions' such as Asperger's being different from ones they considered debilitating.

(Its notable that this diagnosis has since folded into ASD, and with the name being considered controversial due to being named after Hans Asperger.)

This user then said that the 'mercy' of 'allowing' some people who 'could not function' to die was morally correct TO THE FACE OF A SPECED AUTISTIC PERSON WHO HAD JUST MENTIONED PEOPLE LIKE THEM BEING KILLED SPECIFICALLY.

From my perspective this is not even a fucking dog whistle, it is a whistle at best, more like a bullhorn. It is full on mask off 'actually people (who you say are like you) SHOULD die, if they cant ~contribute~'. It is directly saying people like me & my coauthor are justifiable losses. It is rhetoric which has directly killed people like me in recent memory.

It is so viscerally horrifying and evil of a rhetoric that I immediately felt their restored presence was an allowance. Even this I might have taken in good faith - except they (and the user supporting them) had Literally Stated What They Said Was Not Eugenicist. A mod Saw This, said 'drop the topic' - it is not a topic to drop, from your own commented policy after the first incident and for the safety of others, it is a instant ban situation - and moved on silently. From my perspective this was a giant red flag saying 'this is now a eugenicist bar'.

I am not exactly inclined to extend good faith when the fact is, we are currently in a wave of ableism rhetoric from the transphobic alt right especially against autistic and mentally ill people.

A former US president is well known for having mocked Serge Kovaleski's disability, and when then-12-year-old JJ Holmes protested this, he encouraged his followers to harass them, resulting in people shoving the boys wheelchair & sexually harassing his mother. Autism Speaks spokespersons talked about wanting to murder their children while they were still in the room. Dr. Phil openly platformed the attempted killer & mother of Izzy Stapleton just 10 years ago. We still face organ transplant discrimination, immigration discrimination, and we STILL to this day are being tortured in ABA 'therapy' that is based on the same attitudes that Ivar Lovaas's applied in his 'Feminine Boys Project', a series of abusive conversion tactics which led to the suicide of Kirk Murphy - a 'doctor' who once said "[autistics] are not people in the psychological sense."

That same former president was just alleged by his nephew to have said "Those people [...] The shape they’re in, all the expenses, maybe those kinds of people should just die."

How am I SUPPOSED to assume, in this political climate, good faith from 'empty resource sink' being allowed to be defended in any capacity, as a disabled person? Or hell, just as a person with disabled friends & loved ones. As a human being.

It is not that I am extending bad faith to your platform, I do not feel safe on your platform.

My coauthor did not feel safe enough to join your platform, my girlfriend would not feel safe on your platform, my friends do not feel safe on your platform. My THERAPIST read these messages and recommended I do not ever come back to your platform! I did not post on tumblr with the intention of causing problems but of protecting fellow disabled people from harm.

I have OCD & actively avoid posting issues outside of private chats because I have severe paranoia about being part of internet pile-ons in any capacity, to the point I STILL have avoided showing any user names or profile pictures. Yet this was still such an egregious situation that I felt I would be actively allowing people to come to harm if I didn't speak up.

I am not returning to the discord. I no longer feel comfortable talking about disability or queer representation in fallout in a space where people brushed off that rhetoric, and acted like it was an overreaction to be horrified - even momentarily. I am frankly unsure if I would feel safe even if everyone who did so was banned.

If you genuinely think I am overreacting, acting in bad faith - understand this comes from TWO DECADES of seeing people like me killed by caretakers every day and then hearing THAT & seeing people defend it.

Postcomment:

Hi. This is Ren, second author of Caldera and multiply disabled young adult. I proofread and editted this post as well as being present during a lot of this situation - either from being the person Cilantro stepped back to when they recognized they were getting emotionally intense about a situation or being on call with them during the incident in question, and I want to make some things clear.

I am absolutely Furious at the way my peers and loved ones have been treated during this time. Both directly in nukapedia itself and in the, haha, fallout that has followed.

You might ask why I have not been directly involved if I feel so strongly about it, the answer is simple. My absence Was an attempt at good faith. Through Cilantro's talks on what the atmosphere was like, I learned there would almost definitely be situations that lead me to feeling defensive, stressed and frustrated- emotions I admit to struggling to process. So I made the executive decision that I did not feel I could safely belong there and stayed to the sidelines.

Cilantro has never claimed perfection- and has multiple times apologized for allowing emotional reactions to lash into conversations and stepped away. And it is infurating to see their (and several other of our peers and friends) characters attacked like this. Own up to your own failures in protecting your members, or it will not be just our trust you have lost.

[boxbugdotcom]

poo poo pee pee oooohh you wanna tal;k about mumscarian asooooo bad ouuhohhhhh you wanna discuss tehem and tyour headcannons on them SOOO ABADDDD

OUHH I WANNA TALK ABOUT MUMSCARIAN SOOOOO BAD

(guys, obviously this is not about the content creators, those are real people. this is all about the characters!! ty 🫶)

guys literally ENOUGH trying to chose between Grumbo or Scarian or Redscape. they all have two hands. And it’s not Just Grumbo + Scar or Scarian + Mumbo, THEY ALL HAVE WONDERFUL CHEMISTRY!!

Grian and Mumbo CLEARLY like each other— summoning circles and bothering each other every single day (not so much this season), they genuinely enjoy each other’s company, love being around each other— a good example could be in secret life, Grian’s first task to make bad puns and have no one laugh. And what did he do?? Immediately goes to find Mumbo, despite knowing Mumbo is the world’s giggliest person!! Another one is Mumbo’s complete and total regret when making that deal with Grian for his permits— when he took the bit too far and Grian backed out he felt so bad about it!!

Scar and Grian, I mean. C’mon. We have everything about third life, and then double life— and they have such a fun teasing sort of relationship! They laugh with each other and poke fun and that’s how they are !!! They are NOT bad for each other or mean to each other or anything, they play off of each other and don’t hold grudges for their bits. Like the snails bit, or the on hold bit (all from this season), they’re just ! fun and playful together.

Mumbo and Scar are absolutely wonderful together ! their personalities work well together and they’re so hilarious— i love me a crazy bitch (scar) and the seemingly normal guy said crazy bitch totes around with him (mumbo). That’s not to say Mumbo’s normal, he’s only regular because everyone around him is batshit /j still though! Scar does all his crazy shit, and Mumbo’s along for the ride bc they like hanging out together! Mumbo loves Scar’s builds and takes inspo from them, they based next to each other on magic mountain, they’re just so !!

And let’s not forget !! the buttercups! All of season nine! The fact that they’ve based together every season since Grian’s joined!!!

as for headcanons i. literally could talk for hours about it but my phone is dying and its late,,, so have this short list!!

- Grian falls asleep in the sun SO often and whenever Scar or Mumbo finds him, they just ! join him !

- Scar’s the strongest, Grian’s the lightest, and Mumbo’s the weakest. Grian has hollow bird bones and therefore is really light ! Mumbo just is,,,, such a twink im sorry its gotta be said. He may haul redstone components around but he is NOT buff. Scar is buff okay it just Makes Sense. He can pick both Grian and Mumbo up easy

- Mumbo’s the most easily flustered, and Grian and Scar tag team flirt with him SOOOO OFTEN. It just ends in Mumbo being a red and stuttering mess

- Mumbo also is the worst at flirting— Grian’s the best, and Scar isn’t good at it but his insane demeanor and strange behaviors are so captivating to the other two. Mumbo cant flirt to save his life. He once tried a simple pickup line on Grian and forgot how it went halfway through. He’s tried to flirt with Scar and fell face first into the dirt.

- Mumbo still has insane loserboy rizz and autistic swagger. how??? no one knows! but his nervous demeanor and autistic rizz bagged both scar and grian idk

- The Buttercups was a resistance to Doc, yes, but it was ALSO Grian and Scar inviting Mumbo into their relationship. Mumbo did not realize this until FAR into the buttercups. He was not complaining

- On that note, Grian and Scar were dating first, absolutely. After 3rd life??? there was no way they weren’t. But they saw Mumbo, in all his autism, loserboy, anxiety disorder swagger, and both fell head over heels.

- Mumbo has like. Always been in love with Grian and Scar. Since they became friends, basically. But he was nervous to say anything, and then they were dating, and it was okay! Mumbo was absolutely smitten, but it was manageable. He loved them both so much— it was a bruise that only hurt when you pushed on it. But he loved being around them! He loved being their friend, so it was okay! He was their friend, and he loved them, and he was okay with that

- Of course, they DID love him back. Mumbo just didn’t realize that,,,, for a while,,,,,

I’m sure i could come up with more! but like i said it’s late and i need to sleep lmao

[morgana-larkin]

Me again lol I was wondering if u could do Melissa x reader where reader is autistic and has an autistic meltdown or struggles with change in routine and Melissa helps her (lol sorry I keep requesting fics but your writing is sooooo good I can’t get enough and as always no pressure and look after yourself 🫶)

Hey, thank you for the prompt! I literally just moved 2 weeks ago from one end of the city I live in to the other so I wrote that reader moves since its really relatable to me right now. And feel free to send as many prompts as you want, it’s not a problem😉. Hope you like it!

On another note, I was going to post this tomorrow but kept seeing people like my other fics so I figured I could just post it now lol. Also I can’t believe how many people are liking my fics! Especially ‘her poco sole’ , that was the one I really didn’t know if people were gonna like and it’s the most liked one which surprised me. I’m gonna try to get another one shot to a prompt I got a few hours ago and the next chapter of Worth It. I do have my acting workshop tomorrow and a role on Sunday but I’m gonna try!

Overwhelmed

Warnings: reader has a meltdown

Words: 3.1k

You’ve always done things a certain way, you planned your day ahead of time and you don’t like changes.

You got diagnosed with Autism when you were 13. Your parents knew nothing about it but were super supportive and researched it to better help you. They also liked to ask you questions about what you prefer to help you even further.

You all realised that routine is very important for you, and if something changed then you would need a bit of time to calm down from your mini freak out. If it was small changes like having to wear a different shirt or a friend wants to meet up at a different store, those you can deal with. But big ones like if a friend you were going to hang out with cancelled last minute or a family member dropped by unexpectedly or you moved.

That last one you didn’t experience a lot thankfully. You only remember moving once, and it was moving out of your parents place and in with a friend you’ve known since first grade. The next time would be when you moved in with Melissa.

You got accepted for a job to be a teacher's aide at Abbott Elementary. You walked in at 7:30 and went to the principal's office to get your badge and to know who the teacher you’ll be helping is. You liked being a teacher's aide instead of the teacher. If there was any big changes to the day then the teacher mostly has to deal with it and you just do what you’re told.

You got introduced to the principal, you didn’t understand how she got the job with how she acts but you don’t ask, it’s your first day after all.

« so the teacher that you’ll be an aide for, her name is Melissa Schemmenti. I’ll bring you to meet her now, she’s in the break room. » Ava said and you nodded your head. You followed her there and walked in the room and all the teachers there looked up and looked at you and you blushed a bit. You got nervous when you felt put in the spotlight with a bunch of people you don’t know. « Hey Melissa, your new aide is here. ». She told someone and when Ava moved out of the way your breath caught in your throat. A pair or beautiful green eyes were on you and they belonged to the most beautiful woman you’ve ever met. And then it hit you, she’s the teacher you’ll be helping. You’re either really lucky or really fucked. You then remember that you should introduce yourself.

« Hi, my name is y/n y/l/n. You must be Melissa Schemmenti. » you tell her and she nods then looks at Ava.

« She better be better than the last one Coleman. » she says and you look confused. She already had an aide that she didn’t like?

« I don’t know, I didn’t pick her, the school board did. » Ava says then leaves. And you just stand there not knowing what to do until one of the teachers stands up to greet you.

« Hi y/n it’s nice to meet you, my name is Janine Teagues. I’m a second grade teacher. » she says and is practically bouncing in your face and you lean back a bit, a bit surprised by her energy and enthusiasm.

« Hi. » is all you say, you never really know what to say to someone new.

« Alright kid, follow me, I’ll bring you to the classroom. » Melissa says as she gets up and you nod as you follow her out of the break room.

You stare at her little bit, you don’t know what to think of her yet other than she’s stunning and you oddly feel safe around her. Which is different, it takes you a few times of getting to know someone before you even feel comfortable. But it seems this woman has the power to make herself go from being a complete stranger to all the way to feeling safe around her.

« You’re really quiet. » she says to you as she bends down a bit to unlock her door with her key around her neck.

« Sorry, just nervous. » You tell her and she motions for you to go into the room.

« I didn’t say it was a bad thing, definitely a nice change from the last one. » she says and you want to be better than the last one so you can’t help but ask her.

« What did the last one do that you didn’t like? Just so I don’t repeat it. » You tell her and she looks at you curiously.

« She disrupted the class more that the students did. She made it worse more than she helped. » she simply said and leaned against her desk and folded her arms. And that’s when you get a look at what she’s wearing. Black leggings with a pink top and black leather jacket. Oh. You always found a girl who wears a leather jacket hot. « Do I scare you? » she says as you haven’t said anything.

« I don’t know you yet. I’m just nervous meeting new people and never know what to say. I’m autistic so I’m not as good with social interactions as other people. » You tell her and she nods.

« Well this is the classroom. I have a split class. » she says as she takes a seat on her desk and puts her hands together on her lap. « I have 20 second graders and 10 third graders. »

« Oh fuck. » you say and she laughs.

« That was my reaction too. Do you have any questions? »

« Um » you say and think about it. « What will you be needing me to do? »

« Just stuff to help really. Like photocopy papers, hand out tests, help them with some class work. Might need you to sometimes teach the third graders a quick lesson in the back of the classroom. » she says and you nod. This sounds like it’ll be good, you think. « any other questions? » she asks.

« Just mostly wondering how you’ve been doing this mostly by yourself. You must be a hell of a teacher to have 30 students in your class. » You tell her and she smiles.

« It was hard at first I’ll admit. I even punched the head of a cardboard samurai right off before I asked for an aide. » she says and you laugh.

The two of you talk for a bit before students start arriving. Melissa has you helping the third graders with some work while she teaches currency to the second graders. She gets you to grade some tests for most of the morning then has you help bring them to the cafeteria at lunch.

« You were a great help today so far, keep up the great work. » she says with a smile and you beam.

A month goes by with you helping Melissa and she’s less stressed now that she has an aide that’s helpful and you’ve settled in nicely with the class and some of the teachers. Until you get home from work one day and your friend tells you that her work transferred her to another city and she’s moving in a month and your smile falls. You can’t afford the rent by yourself, that means moving.

The next day at school, Melissa can tell something is bothering you since you seem distracted and in your head a lot. During her prep period, she asks you about it.

« Hey, what’s going on with you? You seem distracted this morning. » she asks you and you look up at her.

« I’m sorry, just a lot on my mind. » you tell her.

« You wanna talk about it? » she asks and you shake your head, you don’t really want to put it on her.

« You sure? »

You sigh and put your chin on your hands. « Just found out last night that I have a month to find a new place and move. And I looked a bit last night and there’s nothing I can afford by myself and very few people are looking for roommates. » you tell her and she doesn’t say anything. « Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. » you tell her and she shakes her head.

« I offered remember. And plus I was actually going to start looking for a roommate. » she says and you look at her. « I have a spare room I’m not using and wouldn’t mind some extra cash. » you look at her confused, wondering if she’s saying what you think she is. « I guess what I’m saying is , if you need a place, you can move in with me. »

And that’s how you got here. The day you’re moving in with Melissa. And you’ve been freaking out about it for a week, your friend has been trying to help you pack and comfort you the best she can. You move your things into her place all day, you don’t have a lot of time to think about it until you’re standing in your new room, and it hits you all at once. Everything changed, different room, different house, different roommate, different end of the city. It all changed and you crumble to the ground and bring your legs to your chest and hug your legs and start rocking to comfort yourself.

« Hey y/n I made dinner and was wondering if… » Melissa comes by your room and sees you. « Y/n? You ok? »

You don’t say anything, you feel like you can’t talk right now, it’s all too much. You end up shaking your head and she comes over and sits on the ground next to you. She doesn’t say anything, she just wraps her arms around you and brings you in for a hug. And that’s when you break and start crying and Melissa rubs your back in a circular motion. The repetitive movement and the physical contact of someone you know soothes you. After a minute you pull back and wipe your tears off. And she just sits next to you for a few minutes, letting you calm down « Thank you. » you tell her when you feel like you can talk again.

« Not a problem. I know it can get overwhelming. But I can help you settle in so it’s not so scary. You like knowing about things right? » she asks and you nod. « Ok, well today I can show you around the house so you know where things are. And then tomorrow I can show you where I shop and you can decide if you like it or not. Then I can show you all the best places to get a bite to eat around here and anything else you want to know. » she offers.

« You’d do that for me? » you ask and she nods. « Why? »

She shrugs. « Because you’re a good person who just needs a bit of help. » she says and you smile at her.

« You know at first, I was a bit scared of you. » You tell her and she laughs.

« I knew it! » she says with a smile.

« But after getting to know you, and seeing how you are with the students, I realised how much of a softie you are. » You tell her and she glares at you.

« Don’t go telling anyone that! » she tells you sternly. And you put your hands up in surrender.

« Don’t worry I won’t, I know you got a reputation to keep. » You joke with her. « was there something you needed btw? » You ask her, remembering she was asking you something before she saw you on the floor.

« Just that I made dinner and wanted to know if you wanted something. I always make a lot. » she says and you beam. You’ve heard great things about her cooking but haven’t had any yet.

Turns out what they say about her cooking didn’t live up to how great she actually was. It was better than you thought. She did give you a tour of the house after supper and you felt a little better. You ended up watching tv with her and she stayed right beside you so that your arms are touching. She knows that close proximity with someone you know helps you calm down and process things.

For the next week you barely say anything. You’re more quiet than normal and you hide in your own head, in your own little fantasy world that you have complete control of.

Melissa has no idea what’s going on with you, and that’s when she starts actually looking up autism and how it affects the person and how they act and how to help them. She sees that if they’re dealing with a lot of big changes, they get overwhelmed and they either repress it and pull away from people or have a meltdown, it also says that they can repress it then have a meltdown. And that’s exactly what happens with you. Melissa was prepared in case it happened, it’s just how it happened and what you end up doing after, that shocked her.

You came home after going grocery shopping and slammed the front door. Melissa was dusting her table with all her pictures when you came in.

« You alright there sunshine? » Melissa joked and you glared at her. Melissa came from an Italian family, so glares didn’t even faze her. She went and leaned on the side of the couch and crossed her arms.

« I’m fine, just they didn’t have some things I wanted so I just walked out. » You said, trying to take your jacket off but it got stuck when trying to take your arms out and you let out a huff.

« Need help? » she asks with a raised eyebrow.

« No. » you snap and continue to struggle. « Ugh why is nothing going right! » Melissa walks over to you and pulls at the arm of the jacket and you’re able to take it off. You slam your jacket on the ground « stupid jacket! Stupid grocery store! » You half scream out.

« Hey it’s alright » she tells you and puts a hand on your shoulder trying to comfort you.

You gasp and turn to her with a glare before shrugging her hand off. « Don’t touch me. » you snap at her then try to calm yourself down. Melissa tries again, knowing that physical contact helps you and read that doing things that helps that autistic person calm down helps during a meltdown. « I said don’t touch me! » you tell her and back up to get away. You end up backing into a wall and you feel like everything is too much and you grab your hair and start freaking out.

« Y/n it’s alright » she says and you barely hear her. She wraps her arms around you from behind you and you scream at her to let you go and try to push her off but she hangs on. And then you start crying and fall to the ground and she follows you, still hugging you. You put one of your hands on her hand and lean into her. « it’s ok y/n, you’re ok. » she says, still hugging you from behind. She rests her chin on your shoulder and you relax more into her. After about a minute you sit up a bit and she removes her head from you. You turn around and in a wave of confidence, you lean in and kiss her.

She kisses you back and she feels you smile. You pull back and look into her eyes. « R u ok y/n? » she asks you after it seems you’ve calmed down.

« I think mostly, it’s still a bit hard for me, I’m still processing everything. » You tell her and she gets an idea. She helps you back and tells you to stay there for a second. She goes over and turns on her Bluetooth speaker and it connects to her phone. She opens her Spotify and clicks on a song. The song starts playing through the speaker and you instantly recognize the song, it’s the Macarena.

« Come on I’m sure you know the moves. » she tells you when you raise your eyebrows at her. She pulls you away from the wall and goes behind you and moves your arms to the music with the moves. You start laughing at her goofiness but eventually you start getting into it and she lets your arms go and does the moves with you. At the end of the song, your both laughing and having a great time, then the next starts playing and it’s ‘can you feel the love tonight’ from the lion king. Melissa just goes with it and holds out a hand for you to take. « May I have this dance? » she asks you and you giggle and you take her hand.

She brings you close to her and puts one hand on your shoulder and moves her hand in yours to the proper position and you put your hand on her waist. She starts doing the waltz with you and you’re surprised. She ends up being a really good dancer.

« You seem surprised. » she tells you.

« I am, I’m wondering if there’s something you can’t do. » you tell her and she laughs. « I’m being serious, you’re an amazing teacher, your meals taste like heaven, you can waltz really well. I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew a second language. » you tell her as a joke but looks at you with a smile.

« Conosco Italian. » she says and you look at her. « That means I know Italian. »

« I was actually joking but at this point I’m not surprised. » You tell her and she giggles. The song ends but both of you don’t pull away. « thank you btw. You’ve helped me so much. » You tell her with a smile and she smiles back at you.

« of course mia carina. » she tells you.

« Ok now you’re just showing off. » You joke and she laughs. Then she puts a hand around your neck and kisses you and you kiss her back. It’ll take time but Melissa is willing to help you with all the changes and to make her house feel like home to you.

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If you want to be added then let me know!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not noticing I hurt my friend's feelings?

I (24F) had a somewhat close friend (24F) whom I've known since highschool but only got closer to recently. I've had a friend crush on her forever and apparently she did too. We share a lot of interests and we're both neurodivergent (I'm diagnosed with adhd, and we're almost certain she has autism). We also sort of bonded over a shared trauma -- basically we got two-timed several years ago by a really abusive asshole.

Anyway something happened a couple of months ago and I feel our friendship has gone downhill since then. It was multiple occasions really: what would happen is that I would say something impulsively, and she would misinterpret it and get sensitive about it, we talk it out, I apologize, and we move on. But one time it was a bit too much that i burst into tears while texting her because I felt I really hurt her and I felt that all my friendships will go downhill because whenever I get comfortable with someone I just completely lose my filter and end up hurting them. What happened that day was that we were hanging out and a guy apparently told her something sexist but I didn't hear him. She came to me to complain and I sort of brushed it off because from the way she said it happened it just seemed he was vaguely pointing out something but I later understood that I was just wrong. Then her dress had a tiny hole which I pointed out to her in front of my boyfriend rather impulsively and she got really upset about that. Later on I was telling her about a book I'd read that had great autism representation that didn't have the character just be -- and here I did the dinosaur arms thing (no offense whatsoever to people who do that; I know full well it's a common thing, I was just saying the character had more to him than just that). The problem is that she didn't hear the part where I was talking about a book character because we were changing tables in a crowded cafe and I was just talking non-stop because that's what I do and she thought I just did the dinosaur arms out of nowhere and got offended but didn't say so except over text later and just looked unwell for the rest of the next half hour before she suddenly excused herself and left. That day she texted me about all of these things and we talked it out and I pretended that I was not literally having a meltdown all while apologizing (but not before I tried to plead my case a bit). This all happened on the same day, but before that there were other occasions too. One time she would be talking about something, then I change the subject, then she'd say I know you didn't mean to but I wanted you to give a reply to what I just said. Another time we had a particularly bad exam which I did okay on, but she was telling about how she botched it. I couldn't tell from her face how serious it was and I gave her what i thought was a sympathetic smile (which she later told me was a weird smile) because I really didn't know what to say and then turned away to look for my boyfriend to check on him as well. She told me that day that she felt that I brushed her off when she was having a difficult time and didn't console her enough.

It's just multiple things that made me feel that I need to be more on guard around her for her sake. She moved to another city recently and even before that we were texting less and less. I even asked her if she was upset about the cafe day and she said no since I apologized and we talked it out, but I could feel something in our relationship changed. It just felt like such a shame because I felt a great connection between us and I have massive difficulties when it comes to making friends. She was sort of my last friend that I felt close to aside from my boyfriend, and now I can't help thinking that the problem has always been me.

Sorry if the post was too long and sorry for the sob story lol

[nyxcharliechaos]

so me and @lemonking00 decided to make a tier list...but it's what neurodivergency/mental illness the cast of Hazbin/Helluva have

Explanations/are they medicated?/extra details or thoughts below because this will be a long post if I don't

ADHD- Millie: unmedicated, she just doesn't like it

Vox: medicated but OH BOY DOES HE FORGET, man will go 3 days without it before remembering then he's medicated for 4 days and they he's out of his ADHD medication! and it's ALWAYS when the pharmacy runs out and won't have it in for a few days

Bee: unmedicated she doesn't care she's just having fun

Clara: she's just here because LK said Odette was autistic and we wanted an ADHD/Autism sibling dynamic, I was going to skip them because we don't know much about either, she's properly medicated, Carmilla makes sure she takes her medication

Autism- Vaggie: we're all in agreement on this right?

Alastor: I know he's a sociopath but we've been joking he's autistic for a bit lol

Lucifer: his special interest is clearly ducks, yes he's canonically depressed but the autism is winnning

Sir Pentious: ok so everyone I know agrees with his so, mans got that autistic rizz

Vortex: ...ngl we just wanted him to be the ASD to Bee's ADHD being the ADHD/autism couple dynamic

Millie's dad: as stated by LK "he just seems autistic" and then explained farmers give off autistic energy, LK's the autistic redneck friend so I'll trust him on that

Lute: ...I have no explanation she just seems autistic, and like a homophobic homosexual

Zestial: so initially we put him in the group therapist tier but the autism won so we moved him

Odette: explanation for why she's here above

AuDHD (written as AUDI relating to a series of inside jokes but long story short half our friend group is AuDHD and one of said friends used to have an AUDI)- -Blitz special interest in horses, bad at emotions, he's not medicated, he should be on several medications, he's not on any of them

Charlie: ok hear me out, we all agree on the ADHD yes, but her dads got that tism ok, she would to. she is medicated, and Vaggie reminds her, but it's a gamble whether or not she'll take her medication even with a reminder

Cherri Bomb: ...bombs and just look at here that's my explanation for why she's here, no she's not medicated, there's other drugs, no it's not the same thing she doesn't care

Velvette: she's better about taking her medication than Vox is but she still forgets, always seems to run out around the same time as Vox...when they don't have the medication...being Valentino during that is great/j the two will lock the doors and make him deal with their unmedicated asses till the pharmacy has the medication again

Fizz: I don't think I need to explain why he's here, he's not medicated, he doesn't like the feeling and he likes himself better unmedicated, and Ozzie loves him either way so fuck getting his ADHD medication

Adam: simple explanation, ADHD and Autism is hereditary, so it had to come from somewhere and in the words of LK "it wasn't Eve, idk how but she's neurotypical", Adam doesn't believe people when they tell him he's AuDHD, so no he's not medicated

Emily: I'm not explaining myself, she is medicated and does take her ADHD medication on the daily, Sera will remind her and if she forgets after that Sera will just give her the medication

Depression- (depresso expresso because funny) Stolas: literally cannon, and while also Autistic unlike Lucifer the Autism is not winning

Octavia: I would be too if my family was that much of a mess

Barbie Wire: just fucking, look, no I'm not explaining this

Sera: (just makes gesture like, look at this bitch)

Twamatised- (referencing a joke in Gravity Falls) neither of these need explanations fucking look at the two that are here!

OCD- Moxxie: we actually added this catagory for him, he's just got those vibes

Niffty: I swear I remeber reading something on an old ZP era sketch dump saying she had slight OCD, I might be misremembering, probably, but got those vibes

Group Therapist- (fun fact this was initially a Husk only category but a lot more characters belonged in it then we thought) Husk: (points to episode 4) and yes depresso expresso as well but, I made this category for him so

Razzle & Dazzle, Fat Nuggets, Keekee, and the Egg Bois: all are here for similar reasons they're (basically) pets that bring joy and improve peoples mental states

Ozzie: I don't think I need to explain this one, since it's basically cannon

Rosie: ok so all the overlord are autistic (minus Vox), but they go to the category that takes priority and she's seen being a person you go to for advice so, this is just cannon

Carmilla: quote from LK "mom", that's why she's here, again all overlords are autistic (except Vox)

NDP- (narcissistic personality disorder) Verosika: we actually added this category for her so

Striker: ok this one's debatable but he definitely has a personality disorder of some sort

Valentino (KYS) was added just for Val to tell him to die

BITCH was added for reasons obvious if you look at the characters, no headcannons here we just wanted to call out these characters for being bitches

[fuck-customers]

I really wish people would understand that I don't read minds.

Right before I went home yesterday, a family came in with a huge metal water bottle. Like, a full gallon/3 liters. We don't allow metal bottles because we've had them used as a bludgeoning weapon.

Me: "Unfortunately, you're not really supposed to bring in the metal bottle."

Customer: "No its fine, we've done it before." [Starts to walk past me towards my manager]

Me: "You can ask my manager if you want, and if she says you're good, then you're good. But I'm not allowed to okay it."

So he starts chewing out my manager about how I'm horrible and hate disabled people because his son needs the giant metal bottle for his medical condition. So the manager tells him he can bring the bottle in and then comes over to talk to me.

Manager: "Next time, when you tells you it's for his son's medical condition, just let him being it in"

Me: "Literally all he said to me was 'no its fine, we've done it before.' He said nothing about his son having a medical condition."

Manager: "Oh. Well, just for next time, let them bring it in"

But I see hundreds of customers a day and I'm bad with faces (autism) and have brain damage that affects my vision; I can't promise I'll recognize them next time, if he doesn't fucking say anything. And no, he doesn't need to tell me how son's full medical history and all that; I am multiply disabled, and I know how this shit works. I see it as no different than a service dog. If my friend walked in to a grocery store with her dog, who isn't wearing any sort of vest or any indication that it is actually a service dog and not just a pet, and then just said "no its fine, I've done it before" instead of being like "its my service dog", then of course the store is gonna tell her she can't bring her dog in.

They were already in their movie by the time I left, which was a little sad because part of me wanted to wave with my cane in hand (they don't let me use my cane while I'm working, which is a whole other story that I've talked about before on here) because other than my cane, I don't look visibly disabled, other than the fact that a lot of people interpret my Autism Vibes and Generally Dopey Face (I have a big head and tiny eyes, so I look a bit like that meme/filter people do where they shrink the face) as meaning I'm intellectually disabled, which I'm not (no shade on intellectually disabled people, y'all are great, it's just the wrong term in my case). I don't think the customer made that assumption though, given what he said. But if he did, he's even more of a dick. Just use your damn words. It's not that hard.

[milkinthemicrowave]

Hey, Doctor Doctor meaning

I made a song called Hey, Doctor Doctor, and it's blown up recently. Thing is, hundreds of people have left me comments confused about what the song means, so I decided to finally put the basic meaning in a text post. Here's a really good animation of the song!! So u can listen :)

Lyrics:

Hey, Doctor Doctor! Could you tell me what's wrong? I know you're very busy so I won't make this too long I got a question 'bout the rain The fog that just won't go away And something quite absurd That I just learned the other day

I asked my friend a simple question 'bout the rain But then they all went quiet and looked at me in a funny way They asked me what I meant So I described the time I spent Avoiding all the puddles Though I still got wet

They said that morning had been a sunny day I asked the folks around us and they all said the same I sat confused, in my wet socks and shoes I shrugged and said "That's right! The sky wasn't gray, it was blue!"

But doctor doctor It's been so very long Since I've last seen the sun It seems they must just all be wrong Unless it's me who's been confused Then why've my blue skies been refused? And hidden from me by my rainy days?

So... what does it mean????????????????????????

Hey, Doctor Doctor is a simple metaphor about depression. People have also interpreted it as being about the neurodivergent experience and a bunch of other things, and those fit too. But I intended it to be about depression. It's about finding out the things you're struggling with aren't just something everyone deals with. The protagonist (I'll call 'em Pot) has to actively dodge puddles to get anywhere and lives in soggy clothes. When Pot goes "man, that rain's insane right?" to their friend, the friend has no clue what they're talking about. To everyone else, it's sunny outside. They don't have to think twice about where they step. At this point, Pot looks insane to everyone else, like they're hallucinating rain. So, even though their clothes are still dripping wet, they go "yeah haha my bad. you're right, it's sunny outside". In the end, Pot goes to see Doctor Doctor about it. You know in cartoons or that one Ronald McDonald ad where the sad person has the little rain cloud over them? That's the idea. It was raining outside one day and I thought "lmao what if only I could see this, that would be insane". Then I wrote a song about it. I totally see the neurodivergent spin on it, because the part where everyone looks at Pot weird definitely accidentally came from my experiences with diagnosed autism. Sometimes my relatable comedy landed: me: "you ever wake up and your brain feels like sludge?" friend: "yeah bro, all the time"

But sometimes my relatable comedy didn't land: me: "you ever walk across the street without looking when you're having a bad day, like gambling?" friend: "...no???" me: "you don't???" friend: "no?? are you okay??" me: friend: me: "I mean I haven't done that in a long time-" (literally did it last week) Ah, the joys of being neurodivergent. Never knowing what's appropriate to say. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room". If this explanation seems too detailed, I really thought this song was a simple metaphor, so I'm REALLY trying to be clear. Most people get it, but there's still hundreds that have been taking it literally. If you read this far, I'm shocked. Nobody ever uses comments on tumblr, but I'd love it if you commented "umbrella" and let me know you read down here. Thank u immensely for reading this far. So, even though I have literally never talked about it on Tumblr before, and don't expect anyone to see this, that's what my song "Hey, Doctor Doctor" means.

[pain-is-too-tired]

Crush Culture

Pairing:

Valgrace(Leo Valdez/Jason Grace)

CW:

Mentions of neglect

Synopsis:

Jason is the crown prince to Olympus and son of one,and the highest,of the many great Lords of the lands of Hellas

Leo is the son of another great Lord, a dragon who has hidden himself away from most of Olympus.

What happens when feelings start to form?

Confusion and emotional crisis of course!

Aka. My excuse to explore customs and courting in my own au fdgdf

Also aka. Jason's autism rizz gets a whole dragon guy falling in love with him

Ao3 Link:

Jason was a mess.

He been laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts seemed to be rushing around his head.

He been laying there for hours at this point,partly hiding from his father and stepmother,partly having a crisis.

“You're kidding, right?” Nico,Jason's younger cousin, was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. “A dragon? Seriously?”

“I know!” Jason groaned,covering his face with his wings.

“Wow.” Percy,Jason's older cousin, whistled. “How did no one notice you sneaking out for, what, 3 months?”

Jason sighed, “I didn't have any lessons or important events…” He said. “So,I don't think anyone really cared to notice.”

“You say that like people just not keeping tract of the literal crown prince just cause they don't need him is the most normal thing in the world.” Percy grumbled.

“It's…not?”

“...Jason, buddy-”

“Not getting into your obvious situation of neglect- Jason,again,a dragon? How you even meet him? Was that the one they wanted you to take care of?” Nico asked,raising a brow.

“Well no- their his son..?” Jason laughed nervously.

“His- Your telling me you were sent on a mission to push out a dragon from an nearby cave, but instead you befriended and now have fallen in love with his son?”

“I…Maybe?”

“Damn.” Percy said, “Talk about a wild way to enter teen rebellion.”

Nico groaned, “I'm no longer letting you guys make fun of me for Will.”

“Your crush turned out to be a fae prince,Neeks.”

“Not important right now.” Nico said quickly before looking back at Jason. “What are you gonna do about this now?”

“Ignore it and hopes it goes away…?” Jason laughed nervously.

“The Nico route of having a crush I see.”

“Jackson I swear,I will throw you out that window.”

Jason sighed, burrowing his face in his pillows

“Thanks for the help guys. So encouraging.” He groaned, muffled by his pillow.

“Look, just tell him man.” Percy said. “Can't be that hard.”

Jason sat up, “I'm still not even sure if it's a crush! What if it's not? I might just be getting closer to him and just- I don't know.” Jason sighed. “I've never really had a friend like this before, how am I supposed to know what feelings are platonic or not?”

Percy and Nico looked at each other before back at Jason.

“You're seriously not sure?”

“Seriously! I don't- I've never- I don't know. It's confusing!” Jason sighed, flopping back and curling up in his wings. “I don't want to ruin our friendship. He's just- he's so nice and funny. He doesn't look at me like I'm something else. It doesn't feel like he's pretending to enjoy my company. I feel like I can be myself around him.”Jason said softly, he felt like his mind was flying fifty miles a minute.

“Yeah. That sounds like a crush dude.”

“Does it..?” Jason frowned. He wasn't sure, he never was good knowing exactly what having a crush was supposed to be like. Even though he heard it time and time again from his cousins,it never sounded too far off from platonic feelings to him. Really, the idea of dating always just sounded like a premium version of being close friends. He never quite knew the difference.

Which made what he was going through right now even more confusing. He really didn't know what he was feeling, and it scared him.

“I mean, you've been having a freak out all day thinking about him. So yeah, I say so.” Nico snorted.

“Just tell him, man.” Percy said. “Just say how you're feeling. Better than letting it build up, right?”

“But I don't know how I'm feeling!” Jason complained.

“Just try,explain what you do know. Can't end that badly if he's how you describe!” Percy grinned.

“I guess…” Jason sighed. He still wasn't sure. “I'm still not sure.”

Jason really didn't want to ruin what they did have. Leo was so kind to him. He made things so much easier to deal with. Jason was one of the only fae in his family. Something he got from their grandmother. For some reason, his father didn't want others to know. Really, his father cared too much for his image. He liked to still seem in control of his kingdom and situation,so any sentient being other than human or sorcerer was banned from Olympus.

To find someone else not at all human or sorcerer,who he felt like he could talk to without feeling like he was pushing weight off his problems onto, felt great. To be with someone who'd see his wings and tail and not either scorn or pity him for it? It was a relief.

What if having and admitting to a crush changed that?

“Okay, but there's another problem.” Nico said, pulling Jason from his thoughts. “What if you get caught seeing him? Surely they'd get suspicious at some point.”

Jason stiffened up,anxiety hit him like a boulder.

“I-I don't know. I hope they won't..maybe it'll just be them catching me sneaking out and I can make enough of an excuse that won't expose Leo.”

“You’ll still get in trouble dude. And you know we’re not here enough to bail you out.” Percy said.

“I know. They'll probably just have me on quarters arrest or something, maybe clip my feathers. I'll be fine.” Jason said softly. “I'll just make sure that I can't be followed. That's what's important.”

“Your safety is important too, Grace.” Nico said, frowning.

“I know. I'll be fine. I just…yeah, maybe I should at least try to bring this up to him. I'm just not sure how…”

“Do what feels right, you'll know it.” Percy grinned.

The next time Jason went to see Leo, he was a nervous wreck.

Managing to sneak out of the castle grounds, wearing nothing but a simple blouse under shirt and slacks that allowed him to have his tail and wings out. Something that still felt odd to do when not on his own in his room.

He flew off in his small form, able to move without easily being spotted on the sky.

His flying was atrocious, even after three months of doing this regularly, but he managed to get to their usual spot without much issue. Turning back to his common form once he was there, landing messily on his feet.

“Okay.” He breathed, talking to himself. “Alright. Good. You got this.”

Jason had a few days to think about what he really wanted to say to Leo about what's been going through his head.

Despite that, the only thing he really could clearly think about was bringing a gift of some sort. A warm orange-brownish gem he found that reminded Jason of Leo's eyes. He wasn't sure why it called to him to bring it, it felt almost instinctive when he saw it, but he thought he wouldn't hurt.

He perked up when he heard movement in the trees. Looking up at the branches, before seeing a pair of familiar ember brown eyes. He felt a flutter in his chest, like he was still flying.

“And the feathered prince arrives! Sup, sparky!” Leo laughed as he jumped down from the tree he was hiding in, landing right in front of Jason. “Thought you might not been able to come tonight!”

Jason smiled, “I managed. Had to make sure I wasn't caught and all. Oh- and I-uh- got you this?”

Jason nervously handed him the gem,anxiety pricked at him. Scared Leo would find it weird.

Leo looked confused at first, the dragon tilting his head a bit.

“A gift-? Oh, man thanks- but I didn't get you anythi-”

“No. No need.” Jason said. “Just saw it and thought of you I guess.” He blurted out without thinking. “Well, I'm mean-’

Leo's blinked at him, seeming shocked, before chuckling.

“Aww~ You think of me!” Leo said playfully, his smirk was almost enough to make Jason melt.

“Oh- Yeah- I mean- you've been very kind to me, so- thought I get something.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck.

Leo smiled.

“Well thank you very much,Sparks.” He chuckled,pocketing the gem.”Sooo,how's castle life going?”

Jason smiled back, “Nothing new, really.” He shrugged. “Cousins’ been over, that's usually chaotic in itself…what about you?” He said quickly, not wanting to get into his home life too much.

“Eeh,same ole same ole. Dad and Aglaea are away finding scrap for another of dad's projects,so Jake's in charge.” He shrugged. “He can be pretty serious about it, we have to remind him not to push himself all the time.” Leo rolled his eyes.

Jason managed a soft chuckle, he always liked hearing about Leo's family. Leo had such a close bond with his siblings.

They sat and talked like they did every time, Jason mostly listening as he really wasn't use to actually telling others about himself to begin with. Leo seemed genuinely interested in learning about him though, which was new to Jason.

He was used to nobles who liked to up themselves up to him. Leo wasn't that.

“So, like, no offense dude- but how often you preen your wings?” Leo was now hanging off a branch, his tail curled around it to keep him from falling on his head.

“I'm sorry?” Jason frowned.

“Like, you know, clean out molts and such- that's what preening is right? Only a couple of my siblings have feathers.” Leo shrugged as he swung on the branch he hung from.

“I-uh-i don't know. Why?”

Leo stopped, “You don't know?” He frowned.

“I mean- I try to get it when I'm cleaning I guess? It ain't have my wings out during the day, so-”

“Dude, no wonder you always look in pain. You're just asking for cramps!”

Jason blinked, he did have cramps on his wings but he learned to ignore it. It wasn't like he had much of a choice.

“I guess. I just…kinda do what I can to keep them healthy,I don't really know for sure how often I should be doing so.”

“Wait,really?” Leo tilting his head. “No one taught you?”

Jason shook his head, “Not really…my family's mostly sorcerers.”

“Dam.” Leo got down from the branch. “Even dad taught us how to deal with the shedding season.” He shrugged, before plopping down next to Jason.

“Yeah, well, just never really was taught. Even my governess only was allowed to teach me the basics. I think she wanted to teach me more about fae but…well, father forbade it.” Jason sighed. Lupa really was the only one who actively taught him anything he felt was important.

“What a jerk- or uh, no offense- I know he's your father and all, but good lords.” Leo snorted. “I can help with preening at some point, if you want.” He said before suddenly stuttering. “I-Well-I mean if you need the help- just get you getting better at it and such and- uh-”

Jason felt his face flush, he didn't know why the offer made him so flustered.

“I- sure, yeah- that would be nice.” He breathed. “Thank you.”

“Right. Yeah. Cool.” Leo nodded. “Of course.”

— — — — — — —

By the time that reached the end of the night, and Jason was off again, Leo's head was racing.

Well, it was always racing, but even more than usual now.

He slipped back into the cave, flopping down into his part of the nest and groaning.

“Damn. That bad?” Leo's older brother, Jake, said as he sat down beside Leo.

Leo looked up at his brother and pouted.

“I offered to help with preening-”

“You what?”

“-And he said yes.” Leo groaned. “What was I thinking?”

“He said yes??” Jake scoffed. “Oh he definitely likes you.”

Leo sat up, “He might not know allopreening and such is usually seen for family and partners! Poor guy isn't even allowed to stretch his wings out most of the time! Lords,you should see him flying!” Leo sighed. “The offer just slipped out,I didn't even think about it, I definitely didn't think he'd agree to it!”

“Okay. Even without social views of allopreening,I think he'd at least have a personal feeling about it being for people you're comfortable with.” Jake said.

Leo sighed, “I guess- and, lords- he gave me a gem-”

“A gem??” Jake's mouth went agape.

Leo nodded, taking it out of his pocket and showing him. “He said he saw it and thought of me- what am I supposed to do with that??”

Gifting gems and such was often part of dragon flirting customs,surely Jason hadn't known though. Right?

“Oh he has it bad.” Jake said.

“He probably didn't think anything of it-”

“Leo, he picked up a gem because it reminded him of you and accepted an offer to allopreening.” Jake sighed. “He's like one step away from nesting at this point. I can't believe you managed to get a crown prince to fall for you, a storm fae at that, and yet your self esteem is still at rock bottom.” He shook his head. “Just ask him out.”

Leo fell back into the nest, “What if he says no? Then I've made it awkward. I'm still processing I find him hot!”

Leo covered his face with his hands. Jason was definitely out of his league anyway.

Jake rubbed his eyes, “You are more of a demisexual disaster then my own boyfriend,dear lords, is this how Lee and Charles felt?” He grumbled to himself.

“Hey-!”

“He obviously cares about you.” Jake went on, “Even if he really turns out to not like you back, I doubt he'd hate you for it. If anything he's more likely to think you hate him if you start avoiding the topic or thinking about it.”

Leo sighed, flopping his arms out beside him.

“Yeah, yeah guess you're right.”

“Of course I am, I'm your big brother.” Jake chuckled ruffling his hair.

“Come on!” He complained,”not the hair! It's already a mess to fix with nest head!”

Both chuckle, before Jake got up,offering a hand to Leo to help.

“Come on. Let's go hunting for everyone. Past dinner anyway, Harley might start chewing on Christopher if he's not fed soon.”

“Oh Lords, I could hear the fussing already!” Leo laughed, he was thankful for Jake tugging him out and on his feet. Why he wasn't great at hunting, he often did the cooking of everything. It helped him to do something active.

As much as he hated to admit, Jake was probably right. He just needed to yank the dagger out. Even if the thought scared him,at least it would be better than having a crisis everytime Jason Grace even smiled at him.

Lords, Leo really was a mess.

[sugar-omi]

not the argument in the talks moment 😭😭😭 ever since i accidentally stumbled on that it has not left me, i constantly worry about how i am perceived and i do not take any kind of rejection well, even if it actually isnt one and is just a perceived rejection (autism, adhd, anxiety, and depression go brrrrr) so when i had my mc speak up about how they shouldnt tell terri that miranda confided in them since they didnt have her okay to do so and he just "Then why don't you just not say anything!? Because everything you say just makes everything worse!" fcuking broke me and i would imagine that my mc would not be able to get over it as easily as it is in game,,,, that sort of thing would probably make me/my mc completely shut down, inability to speak, only hyperventilate and cry, just completely shut down 🥲 and even when making up, i tend to internalize that sort of stuff, it stays with me against my will sfdlkj so i can just imagine mc either blurting out mid argument or when venting to cove and feeling badly about themselves something like "All I ever say just makes everything worse!" basically kind of quoting cove and i just aaaaaa ow ouchie,,,,, - 🕐 (hi idk if you remember me, its been a million years, but ive just been lurking, i hope youre doing well! 💕)

OMG MY FAV ANON HIIII🤭🤭 im gooddd tysm, I hope you're doing well🫶

but yeah omg same!!! I cant believe i forgot that line. I hate it sm omfg that was crazy n yeahh same, I literally internalize like almost everything. depending on who it comes from, I will 100% internalize it.

literally i. I'm very petty n vindictive, honestly that fight would've lasted days because I would've ignored him n been like "oh so now you want me to talk? what happened to my every word making it worse, huh?"

LIKE HE COULD NOT DO THAT TO ME. IM TOO READY TO GO NUCLEAR IF MY RELATIONSHIPS GO TO SHIT. IM TOO READY FOR ABANDONMENT LOL N LIKE MY ANGER ISSUES COULD NEVER???

so serious when I said id even break up over that. because now I'm scared that's what you're thinking any time we disagree or even are just having a "good" day. like my perception of myself, n how others perceive me is already bad. n it tok yearsss to stop thinking my friends were chatting shit behind my back. that should would send me back on a spiral

n I so get you, I would shut down and start crying too. like I'd get angry first, n kick him out. but I will start crying eventually, if not mid fight. just depends on what headspace I'm already in yknow

[glacierbash]

Y'know, any time I start to talk about this game, I feel obligated to lead with the funniest fact I have: I absolutely hated Final Fantasy, for myriad reasons both personal and amusing. I hated, for example, the way Elezen were shaped. I hated that Lalafell looked so young. I hated that everybody acted like it was so great, and by sheer contrarian nature I decided I would simply never play this game. And for quite some time, that worked! I'd bombard my partner with whatever media algorithms recommended me involving FFXIV, just to make fun of it. I detested this MMO, without having ever tried it. And yet, deep down, I knew I wanted a community. I wanted to be around people, even if through an online medium. When I worked at the library, my coworker set up a WoW private server that I spent some time fucking around in, but deep down I wanted people. Try as I might, I couldn't deny some part of me wanted to see what the game was all about.

So, I tried it. I spent 30 minutes exactly between opening the character creator to first posting a name that, genuinely, would define more than 2 years of my life: Iverelle Vauvenelle.

I spend about 2 days playing the game, one being chased around by strangers who my partner swore were good people, and one just questing on my own--and it was fine. I got to MSQ level 24, quite literally one quest away from being able to travel to other city states, and I stopped. I played my fair share, I played 5 hours, and I decided the game wasn't for me. I put it down for several months, when I was approached by somebody who I am no longer friends with. He said I should play the game again, keep going just long enough to travel to Gridania, so that I could see one of his alts--and maybe, we could play together! I didn't want to upset him, so I said "fine," and gave it another try.

By the end of the week, I was finishing up ARR, and moving into post patch, and something just... Changed for me. I'm not sure what it was, honestly. It's not like the game magically changed for me then, or if Iverelle had become perhaps my most meaningful character ever, but something shifted, and I found myself enjoying the game. It didn't even make sense to me then when I bought a subscription to the game, but I knew that something here was special. I just... Had to.

Post patch took me about a month, with multiple days spent stressing out over queuing into Good King Mogglemog out of fear and anxiety, because the trial was labeled as hard and my disorder was, frankly, at its worst. But, I managed to do so anyways. The victory was meaningless for most people, but for me? It was beyond words, just how important it was that I did content with other people, especially considering I went through all of ARR solo.

I made it to the end of ARR, to the infamous cutscene, when I realized I was sick with covid. In VC with two of my friends, I said the infamous line: "I think I have a fever." What a way to enter Heavensward, huh? I think it is in no small part due to Covid that Heavensward ended up being my favorite expansion of all time, and why Ysayle Dangoulain ended up being my favorite character of all time. Sickness and quarantine gave me all the time in the world, and being far too sick to be anxious, I sped through the story. One week later, I was done with Heavensward.

And of course, by now, I am finished with Endwalker and awaiting Dawntrail. For 2 years of my life now, I have been playing this game nigh daily. I stay up late playing it, I finish my daily responsibilities as soon as possible to play it, and I find myself enjoying it. I never thought that would happen, truth be told. More importantly than enjoying the game itself, though, is the friends I met.

I have lived a very isolated life. Partially due to my anxiety making me extremely averse to interacting with people, and partially due to how I've been raised, I struggle a lot with people. Autism, anxiety, and having not been properly socialized made me terrible. I longed for new friends, but I hated the effort that went into it. Imagine my surprise when one day, I found myself driving out to meet people who I play this game with, to spend time with them? When I found myself wanting to meet them?

And yet, here I was. I was driving out to meet these people who I play this game with--and more importantly, they wanted to meet me. Even as I think back on that day, I start to tear up. It was one of the most important days of my life. Were it not for this game, for playing it daily, for being dragged into a Free Company and for sitting in calls with people because of this game, I would not have known these people. They are some of the most important people in my life.

I think of the late nights playing Mahjong, or doing PVP, or treasure maps, or just sitting around talking. I think of those nights and then having to wake up early for work, waking up exhausted but so happy. I think of staying up until damn near 5 in the morning talking about whatever it is that comes to mind. I think about stupid inside jokes, and shared experiences, and the stories that I'll tell for years to come.

It's just a game. Final Fantasy XIV is, at the end of the day, just a game--and yet, that game has served as a way for me to grow as a person in ways I've never thought possible. My anxiety has not magically been cured, mind; but, when I'm able to talk to strangers and my heartrate doesn't skyrocket, when I'm able to do things in this game that once terrified me, when I'm able to exist comfortably not just in this game but in the outside world, I realize that it's done more for me than I'll ever be able to say. Yes, it is just a game, but people play a game due to a shared interest, no? And through that shared interest, friendships can blossom. To say that I love my friends, the people I met ultimately because of this game, would be an understatement, and I fear I do not make that clear enough.

Stupid as it is to say, Final Fantasy XIV has changed my life, for the better. Dawntrail is coming in just a few short hours, and though I am a whirlwind of emotions, the predominant one is excitement. I was there for the end of an era, and now I am here for the start of a new one.

So thank you. If you read all the way through this, thank you. If you skimmed just to the end, thank you. Thank you to my friends, especially. I would not be here as I am now were it not for you all.

Here's to a new adventure, friends :^] (Second screenshot featuring: @gailiag, the best viera on hydaelyn)

[cayde6feetunder]

i mentioned it in some tags fucking forever ago and I posted about it on twitter but might as well post it here too

"I can't be ableist, I'm [x]" has done so much damage to mentally ill and disabled spaces and or threatens to do so. and unchecked internalized ableism and unchecked ableism as a whole.

i am someone with unsavoury symptoms and conditions. There's no beating the bush about this one. My symptoms are considered ugly and there have been times where I've met people who have been all like, "Support people with unsavory symptoms" but when I actually started hanging out with them they ended up being more ableist than anyone I've ever met.

I have memory issues. On some days I forget things quite literally as they happen to me. There's no guarantee I'd remember what you've said to me. It doesn't mean I don't care, I literally sometimes forget what I was doing three minutes ago. no, I'm not making an excuse, I literally forgot that you were bothered by, say, bugs and it was not intentional. Now I will most likely remember but please don't be bothered if moving forward I ask you to clarify what you're bothered by.

I have issues with my emotions. I struggle to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling. PLEASE ask me to elaborate on things before jumping at me and accusing me of twisting things around or whatever, or inviting conflict, or a thousand other "UM ACTUALLY--"s. And please, PLEASE don't assume things, ASK ME THINGS. Let me speak.

I have issues with anxiety. I often distance myself from 90% of discord servers and even my own friends (even if they don't notice it) because I am deeply terrified that they secretly don't like me or they're seconds from snapping, or they find me annoying, or about a thousand fucking other things that there are times where I feel deeply, deeply ill. It's not that I don't like you; it's that I'm actively struggling with myself and putting forth a lot of effort to make things work on my end.

I have PTSD. That PTSD on top of the anxiety manifests in my fear of old terrible cycles repeating even if they're out of my control. This makes pretty much everything else mentioned way worse. Everything is a CONSTANT WAR within myself. I'm a perfectionist and I feel like even if it's not my fault I convince myself that I did something wrong and I rationalize things that way. There's also the bipolar and the BPD.

I am medicated and learning how to manage these things. But we need to accept that these symptoms are ugly, that while I'm doing my part, I and others like me still deserve grace and tenderness and we do NOT need our own community and/or communities who claim to have the exact same issues treating us like shit, spitting on us, or being in general hypocritical towards us in claiming that they support us but then do everything that seems to state the obvious.

it really is your own people sometimes. and it shouldn't have to be.

and whenever i try and say things like this I have people telling me I'm "DODGING RESPONSIBILITY," no I'm not, you cannot assume such things of me when you're only seeing me talking about a very real issue that I and many others face.

Stop reblogging and posting about how much you love and support "unsavoury" symptoms and conditions but then turn around and treat those very same people like absolute shit.

And don't get me started on how autistics like to treat other autistics just because their autism happens to be different.

I'm sorta fuzzy so it's super hard to really articulate or parse together what I'm trying to say properly but I hope what I'm trying to say comes across. Ableism within disabled and mentally ill communities fucking suck. Learn to actually care about and support people with symptoms and conditions you can't romanticize.

[justanotherdumbteenboy]

A little rant over the why I consider that Todoroki Shouto is autistic

Disclaimer: As always, this is just one of my many theories. Please don’t attack me for this, if you don’t like it, scroll and continue with your life. 

This is the third mha character that I have analysed, and I also think he is the least likely to be autistic (strangely enough because he is also the one more often read as autistic). This is because a lot of his actions can also be read  as trauma responses rather than autistic traits, however, this is your friendly reminder that autistic people can (and are actually statistically more likely) to have PTSD. For Shouto, I think it is both autism and C-PTSD.

This post HAS manga spoilers!

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Insistence on sameness, and difficulty dealing with change

Even though this is not explicitly said anywhere (as far as I know), it’s something that you can definitely notice if you look very closely.

Todoroki remodelled his entire dorm in a day for it to be the same as it was in his home for comfort. He even went to the extent of changing the floors. That shows that he has difficulty dealing with transitions (moving from home, to the dorms).

He is also a very stubborn person, shown in his insistence to only use his ice side for so long. And even though we know this is connected to his trauma towards fire, even after he starts overcoming that, he still heavily relies on his ice, and has a tendency (almost a routine) to always using it first. 

Strong sense of justice

Todoroki has an incredible sense of justice, and not in the ´follow every rule’ way like Iida. Todoroki has never hesitated to break the rules to stand up for what he thinks is right. He literally considered torture in USJ arc, if it meant gaining information that could potentially safe lives. In the Kamino Ward arc, he decided to break the rules and go and save Bakugou because he knew that’s what was right (even if it was illegal). He followed Bakugou and Izuku even though it was dangerous and he technically shouldn’t have, but he still went and fought alongside them. In the ‘World Heroes’ Mission’ movie he didn’t hesitate to help Izuku and tell him how to escape even though he was literally accused of mass murder. I think there are many examples of this in general.

It also shows that he is a very loyal person, which isn’t an autistic trait (I think), just a very cool thing about him.

Recognizes patterns easier than his peers

I have two specific examples for this. 

Calling himself a hand crusher. He definitely recognized a pattern there. He fought with Midoriya -> He injured his hand. He fought with Iida -> Iida injured his hand. Therefore Hand injuries are caused by him (under this logic).

He was quick to figure out why the villains were at the USJ, and that they definitely had a solid plan. (In a similar way, Tsuyu did the same, who I also headcanon as autistic, but that’s off topic).

Speaking differences/struggles

Todoroki has what can be described as a ‘flat tone’. There are only some very specific scenes where he raises his voice, but in general, his voice tone never really changes. Even when delivering jokes, or sarcastic comments, his tone is always the same. 

Struggles with social cues and reading other people tones

I believe this is one of his most recognized traits. He has a lot of difficulty understanding sarcasm and exaggeration when it comes from others, even being told by others that he is ‘too clueless’ (Mount Lady, and Min*ta). He takes things very literally, a good example of this being when Mt Lady told him that girls would die for his smile, and he took it very seriously, to the point where not even under Mr. Smileys quirk he didn't actually smile. 

He also struggles ‘reading the room’ and social cues, having in mind the way that he is convinced that he is friends with Bakugou. (He is. Bakugou is just in denial/hj. They definitely care for each other, and they ARE friends. But Todoroki considered him a friend way before Bakugou even considered it).

Says things directly

Todoroki says things with 0 to no hesitation. He is not afraid at all to call people out. He says things like they are, he doesn't sugar code anything. There are many examples of this, like him fighting with the chief of the police, every possible interaction he has had with Endeavor, him saying that he didn’t even notice Hagakure was with him in the USJ, him telling Midoriya that he is objectively better than him and others. Trauma dumping on Midoriya during the sports festival. This might come out as rude sometimes, but he definitely (mostly) doesn't do it with bad intentions. 

‘Flat’ facial expressions

Same as his voice, his facial expressions don’t really change, and it could be argued that they don't match his emotions. For example when he froze Sero during their fight in the sports festival, and even though he didn’t really looked angry, he apologises and tells him that he was angry. 

Comfort food and being a ‘picky’ eater (term that I don’t personally like, but I’m using to make a point)

Shouto really likes Soba. Especially cold soba. He is seen eating it in the anime, and it is stated in the character profile of the manga’s second volume. He even offers it to Midoriya when he is sad (that was really cute by the way, I do that too. You’re sad? Let me get some chocolate for you!)

It being cold can be because of two things. 

Sensory issues about food temperature.

Him not liking boiling water because of what happened with his mother.

Either way, it is canon that he loves cold soba.

Genetic factor

I am not here to do an Endeavor analysis, but ASD is considered to have a genetic factor and Endeavor has some autistic traits as well, including fixated interests, saying things directly, difficulty with volume control, and others.

This is also your friendly reminder that autistic people are NOT saints and can commit crimes, mistakes, abuse etc. 

Moving on because I don’t enjoy talking about Endeavor /hj

Low empathy and difficulty reading other people emotions

Just like Bakugou, he struggles identifying and expressing his own emotions, and has difficulty relating to other people's feelings. I think a perfect example of that is his interaction with Iida during the Hero Killer arc. He also stuggled with this a lot after Dabi revealed he was his brother, and he definetly had problems grieving him.

He also doesn't really know how to show empathy, I think that’s why he offered soba to Deku. He didn’t know what else he could do to help and show that he cared. And he is usually looking for solutions rather than offering support. 

(not related picture, I just thought his face was really funny here).

Stimming

Admittedly, I couldn’t find many examples of stimming in him. But I noticed that he has a tendency to rub his finger when he is thinking.

Special interest

Becoming a hero, and in a way, All Might. I don’t have much proof of this rather than a vibe, but he doesn’t have any other interests or hobbies apart from this (apart from reading manga), which leads me to believe it’s his special interest. 

Other details that I want to mention (aka, the headcanon zone)

He is often seen wearing sweaters, which I believe can be a consequence of sensory issues, and he has a very high pain tolerance. He is very observant as well.

I don’t have proof of this, but I headcanon that he is like me, and doesn’t notice that there is something wrong with him unless it’s extreme. I rarely notice that I need to go to the bathroom until I’m about to pee myself. I live constantly dehydrated because I forget to drink water and I don't really get thirsty. And I don’t notice I’m in  pain unless it’s pretty extreme. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

That’s it, thank you for reading! I love Todoroki. When I started the series he very quickly became one of my favourite characters. 

Next up in my list, Shigaraki!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting my brother to eat other foods?

so my (19m) brother (14m) has an extremely simple diet of fried chicken, pizza and french fries. we both suspect he has autism (i've been diagnosed with autism and our symptoms line up) so i'm Assuming these are his safe foods, and yes it's unhealthy but it's better than nothing. but we do Not have the money to sustain his diet, it's just me, him and our mom (41) struggling with mental illness so neither of us can hold jobs for very long and mostly rely on food stamps every month, and they run out very quickly. and it's usually me or my mom making the chicken, the pizza is microwavable, and the french fries are either pre-packaged so he can put them in the oven, or i'm making them from scratch. and these have to be made alongside mine and mom's dinner. everyday. and when the food can be made by him it's all gone within a week (we buy alot at once but that drains money fast).

so the thing is. i said Assume they're his safe foods because he's literally (and i mean literally i've been with him nearly all day everyday his entire life) never eaten anything else besides simple sandwiches (we also make for him) for school lunch, so he doesnt even know what else he likes. he's tried my ramen noodles once before but threw it away immediately for what he says was "a texture thing" and thats IT and now he's averse to eating anything at all. i'm tired of having savings from what work i can do spent on him when nobody feels like doing all that cooking, when we have leftovers in the fridge of food he refuses to eat. i don't really use my money on anything else besides going out with friends every once in a while, so i kind of feel selfish not buying him food and letting him starve himself even though we have other things he will eat, he just doesn't want to make.

i also feel bad because i know he thinks he's a burden because of this and it makes him feel worse to bring it up. we've gone through a different food related problem with my mom (who's gotten better) getting upset at us for saying we don't want to eat after she complains that we have no money to eat, and it made an ED that i still struggle with so much worse and i don't want to be the one potentially doing that to him.

kindof related but it's also just bugging me, he does not do any chores. he doesn't clean his room, leaves empty (or half full) bottles everywhere, when he's making his food he uses all the oven trays and plates and piles them in the sink when i've personally complained that he could just wash them immediately, it takes 10 seconds. it's so annoying even though i'm not the one doing the dishes either (i wash all my dishes immediately after using them). it might be influencing my thoughts on his food habits even though it's not the same issue.

TL;DR we are broke with spotty income, my brother only eats chicken, pizza and french fries, rarely makes the food himself, isn't interested in eating anything else, and im getting asked to pay for takeout whenever we don't want to make his food for him. and i do not want to pay, so i feel bad.

so AITA and being selfish with my money when i should be looking out for him? and WIBTA if i got my mom to get him to eat anything else? (she thinks we can't force him but we are throughly annoyed). especially while school is out for the summer and we're not making him at least 1 grilled cheese everyday. or is my gut correct and we are seriously coddling him when he's 14 years old and should know better?

What are these acronyms?