#literary agent feedback

[rozmorris]

Your first pages: 5 book openings critiqued by @agentpete @mattschodcnews and me!

I’ve just guested again at Litopia, the online writers’ colony and community. Each week they have a YouTube show, Pop-Up Submissions, where five manuscripts are read and critiqued live on air by literary agent Peter Cox @agentpete and a guest, or sometimes two. This time the other guest was one of Litopia’s longtime members, Matt Schofield, an award-winning war correspondent who now writes…

[bhramarii]

was kind of wondering if anyone wanted to beta read Strings Theory? I've pretty much wrapped it up at around 111k words and just need a foreword and an epilogue which I'm planning to do a bit later. As a refresher it's sort of like a hodge podge of retold fairytales and motifs with a hard focus on specifically bengali fairytales mostly. Lgbt cast, anti-monarchal sentiment, and interesting imagery... Message me if ur interested in helping out

[author-mandi-bean]

Refreshing for NaNoWriMo

It’s November. It’s National Novel Writing Month. But I am not as excited as I should be. Despite the optimistic tones and clear message of perseverance in my more recent blog posts, I have to admit: the rejections are getting to me. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s all part of the process and yadda, yadda, yadda, and blah, blah, blah. But I’ve also been wondering if I should change the…

[deception-united]

Online Writing Resources #2

Vocabulary:

Tip of My Tongue: I find this very helpful when I can't think of a specific word I'm looking for. Which is often.

WordHippo: As well as a thesaurus, this website also provides antonyms, definitions, rhymes, sentences that use a particular word, translations, pronunciations, and word forms.

OneLook: Find definitions, synonyms, antonyms, and related words. Allows you to search in specific categories.

YourDictionary: This website is a dictionary and thesaurus, and helps with grammar, vocabulary, and usage.

Information/Research:

Crime Reads: Covers crime and thriller movies, books, and TV shows. Great inspiration before writing a crime scene or story in this genre.

Havocscope: Black market information, including pricing, market value, and sources.

Climate Comparison: Compares the climates of two countries, or parts of the country, with each other.

Food Timeline: Centuries worth of information about food, and what people ate in different time periods.

Refseek: Information about literally anything. Provides links to other sources relevant to your search.

Perplexity AI: Uses information from the internet to answer any questions you have, summarises the key points, suggests relevant or similar searches, and links the sources used.

Planning/Worldbuilding:

One Stop for Writers: Literally everything a writer could need, all in one place: description thesaurus, character builder, story maps, scene maps, timelines, worldbuilding surveys, idea generators, templates, tutorials... all of it.

World Anvil: Provides worldbuilding templates and lets you create interactive maps, chronicles, timelines, whiteboards, family trees, charts, and interactive tables. May be a bit complicated to navigate at first, but the features are incredibly useful.

Inkarnate: This is a fantasy map maker where you can make maps for your world, regions, cities, interiors, or battles.

Miscellaneous:

750words: Helps build the habit of writing daily (about three pages). Fully private. It also tracks your progress and mindset while writing.

BetaBooks: Allows you to share your manuscript with your beta readers. You can see who is reading, how far they've read, and feedback.

Readable: Helps you to measure and improve the readability of your writing and make readers more engaged.

ZenPen: A minimalist writing page that blocks any distractions and helps improve your focus. You can make it full screen, invert the colours, and set a word count goal.

QueryTracker: Helps you find a literary agent for your book.

Lulu: Self-publish your book!

See my previous post with more:

Drop any other resources you like to use in the comments! Happy writing ❤

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[writingwithfolklore]

3 Important things about Traditional Publishing

                This post is for people who want to be traditionally published. If you’re down to Indie publish, or are only interested in posting your own fiction online—don’t worry about it!

                First things first, traditional (or trad) publishing is when you go through an editor at a publishing house and they publish your book. They also take a hefty percentage of the profits, but handle the editing, cover design, titling, promotion, etc. for you. Sometimes you may also go through a literary agent who will represent you (send your work and advocate for you) to publishing houses.

                Indie publishing (independent) is when you do it on your own, also known as self publishing. You have more control, but have to build a team behind you to help you edit, design, format, promote, etc. (or do it all yourself). and it can be difficult to get your book in places like book stores and libraries since they usually only do dealings with publishing houses.

                With that out of the way, let’s talk 3 important things I know about trad publishing.

1. Don’t share your work online

If you want to be traditionally published, don’t post any of your work online anywhere. Including little bits and pieces, including excerpts, including characters, including titles. Nothing. Keep it locked down.

                This is because many trad publishing contracts will consider you posting your work online as it being “previously published”, and may reject your work for that reason. To be on the safe side, don’t put any of your work online or submit it to other journals/magazines.

2. Be prepared to let go of some of the decision making.

When you go through lit agents and publishing houses, you give up an amount of creative control to get your work published. They just want to make it as good (and marketable) as possible, so trust that they know what they’re talking about.

                This means they may choose your title, you may not have any control over the cover image, they might even ask you to get rid of a character or change the ending or any other amount of larger edits. You are allowed to reject some ideas, but choose your battles. Taking this feedback and making these edits is what will get your work published, so if that is your goal, be accommodating, trust that they have so much experience and will make your work better.

3. You should NEVER have to pay them

If you’re paying a traditional publisher to publish your work, you are being scammed. The money works this way:

The reader buys the book for say $20.

To make this simple, let’s say $20 then goes to the publishing house.

They take 50%, so $10 goes to your literary agent (if you have one).

They take another 50% so $5 goes to you.

Never, ever should the money be flowing the opposite direction where you are giving money to these businesses to publish your work. I will say it again, if you are paying these people, you are being scammed.

This is really important, because I knew a girl who was working three jobs to get her work published. They were asking for almost 20K. My heart absolutely breaks for her—she just didn’t know that that’s not how it’s supposed to work.

Whether it’s 20k, $100, or 3 cents. You don’t pay them.

(Of course, if you’re in indie publishing this is a whole different story. In indie, you pay people to do any of the work you don’t want to do. If you need an indie editor, you pay them, if you want an artist to design your cover, you pay them. This rule only applies to trad publishing!)

Anything else important that I missed?

[nanowrimo]

How a First-Timer Wrimo Landed Literary Representation

NaNo participant Demi Michelle Schwartz shares her story on how NaNoWriMo helped her sign on with a literary agent! She also offers some lessons she learned from taking on the challenge — and maybe it'll inspire you too!

Are you an author with dreams of being represented by a literary agent? If so, I’m here to tell you that NaNoWriMo played a key role in my journey to signing with my agent, Michelle Jackson at LCS Literary.

I received an offer on the manuscript I drafted during my first NaNoWriMo in 2022. Fun fact, I signed my contract during November in 2023, exactly a year after writing the book. Reflecting back, there were choices I made that I hope will give you insight into how your NaNoWriMo project could lead to securing representation.

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

I’ve been an avid reader of young adult mysteries and thrillers ever since middle school. For this reason, I naturally gravitated to those genres when I started writing books. Still, I’ve grown to appreciate all genres from my MFA in Writing Popular Fiction program at Seton Hill University, a top one being fantasy. When I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo, I stepped outside my comfort zone and drafted a young adult Little Red Riding Hood reimagining with Greek mythology.

Exploring a different genre led to me writing the book that got me my agent. So, if you’re interested in taking the NaNoWriMo challenge, consider trying something new. Along the way, you’ll expand your creative horizons.

Planning Before Taking the Challenge

Something I noticed after participating in NaNoWriMo twice now is that planning my books led to me feeling invested in them. As authors, we always have ideas bouncing around in our heads. Some stick, and others don’t. Taking time to explore my characters, plot, world, and more made me realize how much I loved what I was creating. Before I even started writing on November 1, I felt passionate about my story.

When you’re pitching agents, your goal is to sell your story. Having such a strong belief in your manuscript will allow you to authentically query it. Passion shines through, and if you care about your book, an agent may fall in love with it, too.

Taking Time to Receive Feedback and Revise

I can’t stress enough how important it is to receive feedback on your work and do several rounds of revisions. Once you draft a book during NaNoWriMo, it may be difficult to resist the temptation to send it out right away. Rather than querying a manuscript that isn’t ready, channel your eagerness to share your work into finding critique partners and beta readers.

For my manuscript, I did a revision on my own after winning NaNoWriMo. Then, I received critiques, made edits, and repeated this process until I felt my manuscript was ready. I queried my agent in August, and she offered me representation at the end of October. I truly believe the time and effort I put into polishing my book led to getting many full requests and my offer.

If I would have pitched the draft from NaNoWriMo, I’m 100 percent sure my email would have been flooded with only rejections. So, remember to take your time revising. The wait will be worth it when you begin receiving positive responses to submissions.

Now that it’s a new year, there’s a long runway before November arrives. It’s never too early to start planning your NaNoWriMo project. Since this challenge gave me the opportunity to draft the book that made one of my dreams come true, I hope you feel inspired to take a strategic approach to your NaNoWriMo project and give it wings to soar in the publishing world.

Demi Michelle Schwartz is a young adult fantasy and thriller author from Pittsburgh, PA, represented by Michelle Jackson at LCS Literary. After earning BAs in Creative Writing and Music from Seton Hill University, she went on to pursue her MFA in Writing Popular Fiction at Seton Hill and graduated with her degree in June of 2022. When Demi isn’t working on her manuscripts, she’s busy chasing her other dream as an award-winning songwriter and recording artist.

Check out her website, Twitter, and Instagram!

Header photo by Negative Space.

[lillyponders]

Call for beta-readers

I have finally completed my novel, and need beta-readers to evaluate it before I go on to query literary agents. I cannot financially compensate readers beyond token amounts, but I am willing to return the favour by reading and giving detailed feedback on your own manuscripts (so long as they are not significantly lengthier than my own).

If you are interested, please say so in the replies. Then I will DM you a list of things I would like you to pay attention to during your reading, and provide me with feedback on those points. I would like the interested readers to complete the reading in a month.

Brief info about the novel:

Length: 126k words

Genre: gothic mystery-romance, historical, LGBT

Inspirations and comparative titles: Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights (1847), Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla (1871-72), Sarah Waters' Affinity (1999), Guillermo del Toro's Crimson Peak (2015), Mexican Gothic (2020) by Sylvia Moreno Garcia, Bitterthorn (2023) by Kat Dunn, The Knowing (2024) by Emma Hinds.

Adult-grade, contains depictions of physical and sexual violence, and an explicit sex-scene

Story summary:

In 1872, a young prodigy spirit-medium Agnes Iddins is called to investigate a haunting of a great country house in Derbyshire.

The house, nicknamed 'Shrike's Barrow', had been a site of an extraordinary crime in 1831, when nearly the entire noble family and a few senior servants to boot were brutally murdered in a single night, 13 people in total.

Agnes is hired by the only surviving family member, baronet Sir Ethan Ramshaw, then a young man, and joined by a rationalist sceptic Dr William Trowley, Sir Ethan's distant cousin who is to inherit the estate. Agnes befriends the servants, especially the sardonic female gardener Heather, in an effort to uncover the circumstance leading up to the massacre.

When she contacts the spirit of one of the victims, her investigation takes an unexpected turn. Can Agnes solve the mystery and banish the evil spirit, or will she succumb to the darkness of Barrow?

[pangur-and-grim]

Greer how do you go about your writing process? I've always been amazed how seemingly fast you wrote the book you're trying to publish.

I've been trying to write a book passively on and off for like 6 years and I couldn't decide how I wanted the last 1/3rd to go so I haven't been able to write anything at all without cringing and erasing everything

just write self-indulgent garbage slop and then clean it up later. don't fear the cringe, let it be your shepherd!

for real though, what I did was commit to writing at least 2k words a day, and then stick to it until the book ended. the first draft took less than a month to finish (and then kept I going and finished the first draft of the sequel too)

but don't be deceived, the subsequent revisions to EBHTCATT took 10 months of teeth-grinding labour. I ended up adding 6 chapters, and then completely scrapping and rewriting my opening chapters based off my own intuition + feedback from beta readers + feedback from literary agents. and the line editing was so torturous. altogether, it took almost a year before the book felt finished.

[renthony]

Hi! Could you talk about what it’s like being an independent media researcher and how you became one? Did you go to school for communications or media studies? How do you make money?

I’m about to graduate college and I really want to go into the media studies field but I haven’t really figured out what the best way for me to do that is. I have a lot of similar research interests as you (animation, censorship, media analysis, queer media) and I’m disabled so I’ve been worried about not having the energy for a traditional 9 to 5 sort of job, so I’d love to hear more about how you’re able to do the research you’re passionate about!

Honestly, I got here by accident, and I'm still figuring things out as I go. I don't make much money and right now I feel like my work is in a period of transition. I have plans, but some days it feels like I'm barely making baby steps.

I started writing when I was pretty young, and I read every single "how to write" guide I could get my hands on via the library or bookstore. I wrote constantly. Short stories, various false starts at baby's first novel, even newsletters for school activities and community clubs. I was most focused on fiction at first, but I learned a lot about nonfiction as well.

I got involved in online writing communities back when forums were still a big deal, and I joined Twitter back in 2009 when it was still new and there was a massive author and freelancer community. (Anyone else remember before retweets were a thing? We had to copy, paste, and manually type out "RT @[user]" like barbarians.) I learned an absolute fuckton about the craft and the industry by talking directly with other writers, literary agents, editors, and various other people in the field. From the time I was like 14, I was interacting with professional writers, sharing my work for feedback, and racking up rejection letters from magazines and literary agents (which was a badge of honor in the communities I was hanging out in, because it meant you were working hard and refusing to quit). When I was 17, my best friend even scraped together money from their shitty fast food job to pay for us to attend a major writing conference in Denver, where we participated in all kinds of classes and panels with industry professionals.

My mother was also writing at the time, and I got a lot of support from her. She had a blog that got a decent amount of interaction, because this was right around the rise of the Mommy Blogger and my mom wrote from the perspective of a socially-isolated tattooed punk mom who never planned to have kids (which was unusual in a landscape of perfect housewives with perfect photogenic babies with weirdly-spelled Mormon names they chose when they were kids). Eventually my mom started writing for a website owned by Yahoo, to supplement the household income while staying home to care for my little siblings. When I decided I wanted to take a whack at freelancing, she gave me a lot of advice on how to get started. I also had a writing class at school taught by a teacher who made it a class project to submit to magazines, so I basically got a head-start on freelance life. I wrote a lot of random articles for a website that's since gone defunct, and I submitted a lot of short stories to contests and magazines. Didn't really make a lot of money, but I learned a ton and got a lot of experience.

When I made it to college, I studied anthropology and French. I'd planned to study history, but switched my track after a single semester because anthropology suited me better. I took a lot of AP classes in high school and did well on all the standardized testing, so I managed to get a full academic scholarship and skip right past a few of my gen eds. Unfortunately for me, I had a lot of difficult life experiences during that time period, and I started to struggle in pretty much everything that wasn't directly related to my degree. I failed Latin so bad I didn't bother to go to the final exam, because even a perfect grade wouldn't have saved me. I fucked up my algebra grade beyond salvation. Those two classes alone tanked my GPA enough that I lost my academic scholarship, and I wound up dropping out entirely. Grades in my required courses were solid, but the scholarship requirements meant I had to do well across the board or lose my funding.

My mother still has debt from getting loans to pursue a master's degree, and I knew damn well I didn't want that kind of student debt piling up on me, so I opted for dropping out. Sometimes I regret it a little, but I honestly think it was the best option. I was having so much emotional upheaval on top of the academic stress that I needed time away to figure myself out. I graduated high school early, so I was like two years younger than everyone around me, and I didn't have many friends. I lived at home and came to campus just long enough to go to class, so I had nothing in common with my classmates who lived in dorms and participated in campus activities. I missed orientation because I registered late, the administration sent me to the transfer student registration day instead of the new student registration day, and I didn't get any "here's how you navigate university life" support. I didn't know I was supposed to have a one-on-one academic advisor for a year and a half, and when I finally met him, his only comment on the matter was, "wow, I wondered why you hadn't come to see me yet!" without any sort of inquiry into how a fuckup on that scale was allowed to happen in the first place. I wasn't set up for success by university administration, and I burnt out hard. I dropped out.

My wife encouraged me to do what was going to be best for me mentally instead of letting finances dictate my next step. She had a steady job, and even though we were still pretty broke, her support let me drop out of college and focus on recovery. A lot of people gave me shit because their perception was that I was dropping out of college to become "just a housewife," and they couldn't fathom why. From my perspective, I'd been given a lifeline.

I took care of our shitty little one-bedroom apartment. I read a lot of books and played a lot of Minecraft. When I felt up to it, I did some more freelancing. My wife was working unholy hours in a factory and we didn't get to spend much time together. I started doing tarot reading as a side hustle, and we started making vague plans to move somewhere better for us, but saving up was hard.

Things felt stagnant for a long time. I didn't write very much, I wasn't really doing anything related to my studies. I wrote when I had energy, and I kept scraping together extra cash doing tarot readings while my wife started working a new job in a lumber yard. Her support is the only reason I was able to recover and figure myself out, so big shout-out to my beloved working woman wifey. God, I love her.

Eventually we packed up and moved to a different state so we could be closer to my family. I got a job baking for a coffee shop. I wrote whenever I could. When I got laid off from the coffee shop, I realized there was no way in hell I could keep working a regular job without sacrificing my health, so I went back to writing full-time. (The Queen of Cups was written during this period.)

At some point I started getting back into anthropology and history research, just for fun. I didn't have money to finish my degree, but I had enough academic experience to know how to track down and evaluate good sources. I wasn't really trying to do anything for career purposes, I was just incredibly bored and wanted to study something again, so I got really, really into studying local history. Once I read everything I could about that, I jumped to another topic I was interested in, and then another. Media studies became my biggest focus as a natural outgrowth of my interests in speculative fiction, animation, and the history of the entertainment industry. I studied anthropology in school because I loved learning how and why humans do the things we do, and media studies always felt like an obvious facet of that. It's part of why I was always obsessed with cave paintings and paleolithic sculptures--people make art! It's what we do! It's what we've always done!

Anyway, I now live in a university town that has resources available to the public, and I have friends who work in various university libraries or as professors. I started making use of whatever I could get access to. I read a lot of nonfiction books from independent researchers pursuing their own passion projects, I got really into video essays on YouTube, and I had the epiphany that you don't actually have to finish college to study and write about things as long as you put in the quality research and source all your information. At some point I started calling it my "DIY academia," which my university-employed friends found utterly delightful.

Honestly, I credit my formal-academia friends with a lot. They've all been an incredible source of support and reassurance, and have helped me track down quite a few sources I was having trouble getting my hands on. Everyone do yourself a favor and make friends with someone who works in a university library.

I started a Patreon several years ago (in like 2017 I think?), primarily for my fiction writing, but there's plenty of other things that have shown up there over the years (art, cosplay, essays, etc.). As I started getting more into my DIY academia, folks started expressing interest in seeing me write about it. My tumblr posts about media generated a decent amount of attention, I'd managed to build up a platform, and it wasn't hard to say, "okay, screw it: I have freelance experience and I know how to write a paper, does anyone want to pay me for it?"

I haven't been submitting to existing publications like I used to, mostly because I don't have a decent portfolio assembled. My old freelance work in high school and college was for a platform that closed down a decade ago, and no matter how popular they get I can't bring myself to include tumblr posts alongside professional credits. My current plan is to build a portfolio on my website showing off the commissions I've been taking, and then start submitting to magazines and newspapers again between my other work. I'd love to eventually write for something like Polygon or IGN.

It's hard. I love research, I love writing, and I love sharing information with people, but having to DIY everything is really, really hard. I often feel like I'm just throwing nonsense into the void in the hope someone will like it and leave a tip in my Ko-Fi. I don't have formal academic credentials beyond "I was planning my senior thesis about the ethics of investigating ancient burial sites, but then I dropped out." I just have a neurodivergent brain, a handful of special interests, a wife who works the graveyard shift in a lab to pay our bills, and the ability to hyperfixate on research for absurd lengths of time.

The most common advice I used to get about freelancing is that you just have to keep throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. It's been years since then, but I think the advice still applies. Read a lot, learn a lot, and write about the things you're most interested in. Search around and look for magazines and newspapers and websites that accept unsolicited freelance submissions. Read the other articles they publish to see how your work stacks up. Submit, submit, submit. Rake in rejection letters and keep them as a reminder of how hard you're working. If you're up for it, start a Patreon to post the things you don't submit elsewhere. The worst thing that can happen is that people don't give you money, but maintaining it still helps you lay the groundwork for a portfolio and a reader base.

I deal with a lot of hellacious impostor syndrome. I worry a lot that I'm just a hack who doesn't actually know what they're talking about. Like I said, I got here totally by accident, but whatever I'm doing seems to be working for me. I'm broke, but my work is being read, and opportunities for more work show up when I least expect them. I'm not sure what's next for me, but I'm excited to figure it out. Money's tight, but I keep enduring despite the chaos. I throw things at the wall, I see what sticks, I clean up whatever flops and then try it again later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's hard, but so is everything else. I like it better than a lot of other things I could be doing.

[hayatheauthor]

The Rejection Checklist: Manuscript Pitfalls to Avoid

The literary industry’s writing standard can be hard to meet, especially when you’re a debut author querying your first manuscript. Even with a flawless query letter and a captivating storyline, authors often find themselves facing rejection due to subtle shortcomings in their writing. What seems like an insignificant writing quirk to an author can be the reason for an agent’s rejection. 

As an #amquerying author, I have received personalised feedback from agents and editors alike that has helped me curate the best version of my manuscript. If you’re an author looking to get traditionally published, here is my rejection checklist of things to look out for before querying. 

Passive Voice

The use of passive voice in your manuscript can be a stumbling block on your journey to securing an agent. This seemingly innocuous writing quirk, if left unaddressed, can lead to rejection. Passive voice occurs when the subject of a sentence receives the action rather than performing it. It often involves the use of auxiliary verbs like "is," "was," or "has been," which can make sentences sound less direct.

Passive voice can introduce ambiguity and make sentences less engaging. It tends to slow down the narrative flow and may distance readers from the action. Agents and publishers often frown upon its excessive use. Consider the following examples to better understand passive voice: "The book was read by Jane" (passive) versus "Jane read the book" (active).

Agents are looking for manuscripts that grip readers from the start. Passive voice can weaken the impact of your prose and hinder reader immersion. Agents may interpret it as a sign of weak writing, leading to rejection. To spot passive voice in your writing, pay attention to the use of passive verbs and phrases. Look for sentences where the subject isn't the primary "doer" of the action. Reading your manuscript aloud can often help identify passive constructions.

Over Description

In your quest to paint a vivid picture with words, it's easy to fall into the trap of over-describing every detail. While rich descriptions can enhance your storytelling, an excess of it can lead to manuscript rejection. Agents and publishers often seek balance in narrative description.

Over description can slow down the pace of your story and, ironically, detract from reader engagement. When every element is meticulously detailed, readers may become overwhelmed, losing sight of the plot's core. Agents may see this as a sign that the narrative lacks focus and that the pacing is sluggish.

Finding the right balance is key. Instead of inundating your readers with exhaustive descriptions, consider focusing on elements that contribute significantly to the scene or character development. Encourage readers to use their imagination, allowing them to fill in some details, which can create a more immersive reading experience.

An easy way to distinguish over description is by considering whether your passage helps set the scene or is distracting from the actual plot. For example, if your character was kidnapped and in a dark room with a blindfold on their eyes describing what they can hear or the harsh ropes on their wrists would be adequate description. 

However, if you go too much into it and start writing winding paragraphs about the way the chair feels, the smell of moss in the air, etc. you risk ruining immersion. Are these details interesting? Yes. But do you need them to help set the scene? Not really. 

Show, Don't Tell

One of the golden rules of effective storytelling is to "show, don't tell." Agents and publishers look for manuscripts that immerse readers in the narrative by allowing them to experience the story rather than being told about it.

When writers rely too heavily on telling, the narrative can become flat and unengaging. Readers want to see and feel the story unfold through vivid scenes, actions, and dialogue, rather than being handed a summary of events. Agents recognize the power of showing and may be quick to reject manuscripts that fail to employ this technique effectively.

Consider the difference between these two approaches:

Telling: "Sarah felt incredibly nervous about the job interview."

Showing: "As Sarah sat in the waiting room, her palms grew sweaty, and her heart raced. She fidgeted with her resume, her eyes darting around the room as she rehearsed her answers."

The second example allows readers to experience Sarah's nervousness rather than being told she's nervous. To address this issue in your manuscript, focus on crafting scenes that engage the senses, evoke emotions, and enable readers to draw their conclusions.

An important thing to remember is that simply adding a couple of words can also help you show the scene, you don’t have to add new paragraphs to fix every ‘tell’. 

Lack of Atmospheric Detail

Creating a rich and immersive story world is essential for drawing readers into your manuscript. When a manuscript lacks atmospheric detail, it can lead to disengagement and ultimately result in agent rejection.

Agents and publishers seek manuscripts that transport readers to unique and vivid settings. Without atmospheric detail, the story may feel flat and fail to capture the reader's imagination. Agents understand the importance of world-building and its impact on reader immersion.

To address this issue in your manuscript, focus on incorporating sensory descriptions and setting elements that bring your world to life. Consider the mood, sounds, smells, and visual cues that define your story's environment. By painting a detailed and evocative picture, you'll enhance reader engagement.

During the editing process, review your narrative for places where atmospheric detail is lacking. Are there scenes where you can infuse more sensory descriptions or highlight unique aspects of the setting?

Remember that we have five senses for a reason and it isn’t good to solely rely on your characters’ sight.

Character Connections

One of the key elements that agents and publishers look for in a manuscript is the ability to create a deep and meaningful connection between readers and the characters. When you’re researching agents you will often see this listed on their MSWL or website pages. 

Agents understand that relatable, well-developed characters are the heart of a compelling story. Without this connection, readers may struggle to empathize or invest emotionally in the characters' journeys. Agents often consider character development as a critical factor in manuscript evaluation.

To address this issue in your manuscript, focus on crafting characters with depth, complexity, and relatability. Consider their motivations, flaws, and unique qualities that make them stand out. Encourage readers to form emotional bonds with the characters by weaving their personal stories, struggles, and growth into the narrative.

During the revision process, evaluate your characters. Are they multi-dimensional and relatable? Do readers have a reason to care about their fates? By enhancing character development and forging emotional connections, your manuscript becomes more appealing to agents and readers alike.

Dialogue and Authenticity

Authentic and engaging dialogue is a crucial element in creating relatable characters and advancing the plot. When dialogue feels forced or unrealistic, it can lead to a rejection from agents.

Agents and publishers recognize that authentic dialogue not only brings characters to life but also deepens reader engagement. Dialogue that lacks realism can disrupt the reader's immersion in the story. Agents may view this as a sign of weak character development or storytelling.

To address this issue in your manuscript, focus on crafting dialogue that reflects the unique voices, personalities, and motivations of your characters. Avoid excessive exposition through dialogue and prioritize the use of conversation to reveal character traits, conflicts, and plot progression.

A good way to edit your dialogue is by reading it out loud or pasting only the dialogue in a new document and see whether it flows well. You can also add certain quirks or words into your characters’ vocabulary to help you make the dialogue authentic to that character. 

Pacing and Tension

Pacing is the heartbeat of your story, and it plays a vital role in maintaining reader engagement. When the pacing is off or the tension doesn't build effectively, it can lead to manuscript rejection.

Agents and publishers are attuned to the rhythm of storytelling. They understand that pacing and tension are critical to keeping readers turning the pages. Manuscripts that lack well-managed pacing can lose reader interest quickly. Agents may view this as a sign that the narrative lacks direction or fails to hold their attention.

To address this issue in your manuscript, focus on managing pacing effectively. Consider the balance between action, description, and dialogue. Use pacing as a tool to control the reader's experience, speeding up during action-packed scenes and slowing down for character development or crucial moments. Tension should steadily rise as the story progresses, keeping readers on edge and eager to find out what happens next.

Author Notes 

Finally, I would like to remind all querying authors this is an unpredictable and highly subjective industry. Rejection is an inevitable part of the process, and it's important not to let it deter you from pursuing your dreams. 

An agent can think you have a great book and love your writing but still reject it because of external reasons like marketability. And that's perfectly alright because as an author you deserve to find an agent who can help you reach your full potential. 

Accept feedback with an open mind but also with a grain of salt, as not all agents share the same viewpoint. I've had two agents reject the same sample pages because one thought there was too much description and the other thought there wasn't enough. This goes to show there really isn't a one-size-fits-all formula for securing an agent. 

This blog post is a way for me to share knowledge and help fellow querying authors, but it's not a strict guideline you must follow. As you embark on your querying journey, I wish all of you the best of luck in your querying process and remember, one no is never the end of the journey!  

I hope this blog on The Rejection Checklist: Manuscript Pitfalls to Avoid will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and publishing tips for authors every Monday and Thursday! And don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey! 

[writingquestionsanswered]

hello, i was just wondering if you had any advice for writing vignettes or episodic stories. thank you.

Vignettes and Episodic Stories

I don't have any tips, per se, but hopefully explaining a little bit about what they are will help you better understand how to write them.

The term "vignette" has two different meanings depending on what you're writing. In fan-fiction, a "vignette" is a type of standalone story synonymous with a snippet or ficlet. Vignettes in fan-fiction are typically 1k words or fewer and usually made up of a single scene.

In original fiction, "vignette" can be a type of standalone story, but they usually appear as part of a themed collection of vignettes. More often, the term "vignette" in original fiction refers to a literary device where further descriptive context is provided to a character, place, or event.

As standalone stories, vignettes do not conform to traditional story structure. Since they focus on a moment in time, they do not show the passage of time and typically do not have a story arc or a beginning, middle, and end. And, as is the case with vignettes as literary devices, they are heavily descriptive and meant to appeal to the reader's senses.

Episodic stories are a bigger story that are broken into smaller, self-contained stories connected by an overarching narrative or unifying theme. The best way to think of episodic stories is to think of a TV show. Every episode tells its own complete story, but the characters and events are united by a broader narrative. For example, you can watch an episode of The X-Files where Mulder and Scully try to solve a strange missing person case--and that episode will have its own conflict and its own beginning, middle, and end--but the episode is connected to the broader narrative of two FBI agents who are tasked with investigating strange occurrences. And, within that broader narrative, the specific seasonal and series arcs. Happy writing!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[rozmorris]

Your first pages - 5 manuscripts critiqued at @Litopia by literary agent @AgentPete @AJ_Dickenson and me!

I’ve just guested again at Litopia, the online writers’ colony and community. Each week they have a YouTube show, Pop-Up Submissions, where five manuscripts are read and critiqued live on air by literary agent Peter Cox @agentpete and a guest, or sometimes two. This time the other guest was Andy Dickenson @AJ_Dickenson, ITV reporter and YA author. The format is simple. Five manuscripts, each…

[dira333]

Persistence versus Evanescence - Sasori x Reader, Akatsuki Publishing House AU

tagging: @wing-ed-thing, thank you for listening to my brainstorming, @ladyloveroll for feedback and @missalienqueen because you'll like it

Akatsuki publishing house - Drink orders!

Madara: the owner, hardly around, bring him an Espresso Martini disguised as an Espresso when you see him

Nagato: Romance, chief editor - always the pink drink, but write Konan on it

Konan: crafts and Historical Fiction - coffee, black, dark roast - write Nagato on it

Yahiko: Young Adult - Matcha Latte with almond milk

Tobi: reads through all the manuscripts that are being sent in and chooses new authors - hot chocolate with marshmallows

Itachi: Fantasy and Science Fiction - green tea with honey

Kisame: Sports, Action and Adventure - Gatorade

Deidara:  Literary Fiction and Poetry - newest thing on the menu or a Caramel Frappucino

Sasori: goes through Grammar and spelling, formerly Literary Fiction - coffee, black, and a blueberry muffin

Zetsu: Cookbooks, Gardening books and Medical Journals - herbal tea

Hidan: Horror and anything adjacent - Red Bull

Kakuzu:  Self-Help and Finance - nothing, it’s too expensive

-

Your phone rings just as you step forward in line.

You greet the Barista with an apologetic smile and press the button on the Bluetooth headset in your ear, ignoring the annoyed groaning behind you. At least the Barista knows what’s up, because she takes the note you hand her with a knowing smile.

After working for Akatsuki Publishing for almost two years you don’t need a note to remember everyone’s coffee orders. They stay the same anyway. But the Baristas change and you can count on your clients calling at the exact moment you want to be left alone.

“Shikamaru, hi!” You force yourself to smile. He can hear if you frown.

“No, I haven’t talked to Kakuzu today… He didn’t… Yes, I am aware he’s not the most pleasant to work with but I’m sure he didn’t mean it that-...” 

You pinch your nose and hand over the company credit card, shuffling along to pick up the drinks.

“Tell you what, Shikamaru, I’ll talk to Kakuzu once I’m back in the office. We both know he won’t apologize but I’ll do my best, okay?”

There’s a man already waiting for his coffee when you hang up and he sends you a friendly smile. He’s tall, attractive even with the long black hair - you’re not that into men with long hair - and the way he looks at you tells you he’s at least a little bit intrigued.

You offer him a smile in return, not really interested in a conversation, but not wanting to be rude either.

“Your coffee.” A Barista hands him his drink and he stays, leaning against the wall now as he eyes you.

“You seem familiar.” He says. “Have I seen you before?”

“I don’t think so. But I have… I just have that kind of face, I guess.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “I am sure I’ve seen you before. What kind of work do you do?”

“I’m a literary agent.” 

He nods. “Were you present at this year's awards?”

“Er, no.” You shake your head. “I couldn’t come because of family issues. But my- well, one of my authors won a prize. You might have heard of him. Gaara Sabakuno, wonderful debut novel.”

“Desert tears, yes, I know.” He looks wistfully for a second before he snaps his fingers, jolting you out of a rather pleasant memory concerning last week’s discussion with Gaara - his new book was coming along great.

“Now I know. You’re from Akatsuki Publishing. They hired you the day I left.” He looks over the amount of drinks that have started arriving in front of you. “Two years is it now, right? To bad you’re still the one getting the drinks.”

You force yourself to smile brightly, remembering the name of your predecessor from conversations.

“Getting Drinks isn’t the only thing I do, Orochimaru. Sadly I haven’t heard much of your independent Publishing house. Village of noise, was it?”

“Village of Sound.” He still smiles sweetly but you have enough of this interaction.

“Well, good luck with that. I’ll take my leave now.”

-

You’re still fuming a little when you get back.

Tobi’s not at his desk so you leave his hot chocolate there. Zetsu gets his herbal tea and an honest smile as he offers you a rose from his garden. 

The next office is almost silent, as Itachi and Kisame both wear noice cancelling headphones. You’ve never been able to find out what Itachi listens to as he works his way through Fantasy and Science Fiction novels, but Kisame is watching a football match on one screen while editing a novel on the other.

“Gatorade for you.” You hand it to Kisame who’s not even looking, “And green tea with honey for you, Itachi.”

He sends you a smile before looking back down, always focused on work. His desk is clean and organized, the only personal thing a picture of him and his little brother Sasuke who’s glaring into the camera.

You skip the other offices on this level and take the stairs. 

Yahiko is taking a nap at his desk and you leave his drink - a Matcha Latte with almond milk - next to the impressive stack of Manga on his desk. 

Konan’s knitting. “I’m just fact-checking a pattern.” She says. “You can leave both drinks with me. Nagato is in a meeting with the boss.”

Their order is still your favorite on the whole list.

One pink drink for Nagato and one black coffee, dark roast, for Konan. But switch the names to make it look like they ordered the other thing. 

You haven’t judged Nagato once for his choice in drinks. He’s the one who hired you and so far he’s never been what others might assume of him. He looks a little frightening but is the nicest boss you’ve ever had. He edits primarily Romance Novels and Chick Lit but reads Medical Journals in his free time and he might love his pink drink even though he seems the type of person who survives on black coffee alone.

Well, who are you to judge with your Caramel Frappucino?

You walk back down and open the door to Deidara’s office. 

“They have two spring specials.” You announce and he sits up straight immediately. “Mint flavored Matcha or the Peach Pie Latte Macchiato.”

“What? Peach isn’t even spring-themed!”

“I know, right? You put the cup in front of him. “Guess what I got you.”

“Please tell me you didn’t get mint. You know I hate mint.” He gives you his best puppy dog eyes before he takes a sip and lets out a sigh of pure satisfaction.

“You’re the best coworker and person in the whole world.”

“Thank you, thank you. Remember that when Hinata-chan calls the next time because you were too pushy with her poetry.”

“But-!” He starts and you hold up a finger. “No buts. I know you’d love it if she would scream them from the empire state building, but we got to respect her personality.”

“Fine, fine.” He eyes the drinks you have left. 

“Let me guess. Red Bull for Hidan and the black coffee is for Sasori because you’ve got a bone to pick with Kakuzu and he always makes you go to Sasori for him?”

“Wow, you should work as a fortune teller.” You tell him, silently glad that he didn’t guess the real reason Sasori’s cup always stays the longest with you.

-

Hidan’s completely focused when you arrive, which is rare. 

Kakuzu, however, is in the worst mood possible.

“You can’t talk to your authors like that.”

He harrrumps. “He shouldn’t be an author if he cannot explain it in a way others can understand.”

“Shikamaru is a genius. It’s hard to motivate him as it is. Do you know how hard I had to work for him to actually write that second novel?”

“Please. He probably was all out of money, that’s why he had to write it.”

“Kakuzu.” You level him with your best glare. “What do I need to do to get you to apologize?”

“You’d have to kill me and use my corpse for that.”

“Kakuzu.” You stare at him. You tried your puppy dog eyes once, when you had first started, but that had gone so wrong you never tried them again with him.

The seconds tick buy. You don’t move. You don’t blink.

The coffee in your hand is getting colder and colder.

“Fine.” He huffs. “I will not apologize but I will write my opinion again in a more polite manner if, and I repeat, if you get Sasori to go over Kabuto’s manuscript today.”

“Did you ask him for that?”

“No.” He huffs again. “The guy hates me. He’d put it to the end of the line if I asked.”

You snort. “He’d not do that.”

“He would. Has done it before. Do we have a deal?”

You roll your eyes and stretch out your hand for him to shake. “Deal. Better get writing that apology.”

-

Sasori’s office is blissfully quiet. Well, quiet except for the incessant typing.

Sasori was probably the first to switch to an all-digital workplace and he looks at home behind his giant computer screen. 

He doesn’t look up when you enter but you know he’s noticed you.

You don’t allow yourself to stop and look at him, even though you wanted to do that since you’ve met him.

He’s pale but not freckled, his hair a burning red, and his eyes a deep chocolate brown. You met him on your first day of work and your impression - that he’s the prettiest man you’ve ever come across - has not changed since then.

But he’s not just the prettiest man you know, he’s also the grumpiest.

“Do I have to wait for my coffee to freeze over before you hand it to me?”

You jump, realizing with burning shame that even though you always tell yourself not to linger, you’ve gotten lost looking at him again.

You smile. “Sorry, here it is. I always ask for extra hot coffee so it should be okay.”

He raises an eyebrow and takes a sip, curling his lip a little.

“Could be hotter.” He mumbles.

“Yeah, but you know what else I got?” You pull the paper bag from your purse. “One Blueberry muffin just for you.”

“I didn’t ask for a Blueberry muffin.”

“I know, but you like them.”

“I like them on Mondays.”

Your face falls. “Didn’t… I mean if you want something else, I could….”

“It’s fine.” He takes the muffin from you and puts it on his desk, turning his chair slightly so that he can look at you.

Getting Sasori to take a break from work is a feat in itself, it almost makes up for everything else.

“So there’s something I wanted to ask.”

He looks back up from picking the paper off his muffin.

“No.”

You pout. 

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“Kakuzu wants one of his novels to skip the line.”

“Yeah, but….”

“I have a system and I don’t like meddling with it.”

“Not even if I beg?”

You dramatically go down on one knee and look up at him. “Please?”

He stares at you, wordlessly. You know you’re doing your worst here, but this is Sasori. If you’d had a shot with him, you overshot it your first month here when you accidentally called him “the hot editor” instead of “the host editor” on that stupid introduction day. 

It does hurt a little, when you’re home alone and dreaming of him, knowing that he won’t ever look at you like you look at him, but it eases the nerves a little when you dare to make a fool of yourself.

“Fine.” He says. You blink in surprise. That was easy.

“But I want something in return.”

“I mean, I can get you another coffee.” You start and the way he looks at you now has you silent, mouth dry.

“There’s an art show this weekend.” He starts. “I need to bring someone with me. You’ll be my date.”

Your jaw unceremoniously falls open. Your mind goes a little hazy around the edges and you have half the mind to wonder if you’ve forgotten how to breathe.

Did Sasori just use the word date in context with you? And him?

“Will that be a problem?”

“No.” You sound embarrassingly breathless when you speak so you clear your throat and repeat yourself.

“No, no problem at all. I’ll… I’ll let Kakuzu know…”

“You could let him suffer for a while.” Sasori offers calmly. “Stay a bit. I don’t mind your presence. You’re only half as annoying as the rest of them.”

You know you have it bad when that sounds like a praise to your ears.

You don’t trust your knees enough to carry you, so you fold your legs until you sit crisscross on the floor and look up at him.

“I met Orochimaru at the coffee shop. He was being a dick.”

Sasori snorts into his coffee. “He’s always been a dick.”

“Yeah, but he tried to make me look like I’m just a glorified intern because I get the drinks.”

Something flashes in Sasori’s eyes. You know he’s never been friends with Orochimaru but his harsh answer still surprises you.

“That man has never been more than a glorified intern and it’s a surprise he still has a publishing house to turn to.”

“Well, I did push Gaara’s win in his face when he went on about how I wasn’t at the awards this year.”

“You and Gaara are pretty close,” Sasori mentions off-handedly and you cock your head thinking about it. 

“I don’t know. He’s one of my favorite authors because he’s so easygoing, for sure, and while Naruto’s writing is amazing too, his dyslexia makes work harder for you… and all of us, I mean. So, well… I guess I’m close with all my authors.”

“Even Jiraya?”

You shudder. “No, okay, I’m not that close with Jiraya.” 

Sasori laughs and pops a piece of muffin into his mouth.

“So your top three authors are Gaara, Naruto and… let me guess…” He thinks for a moment, his eyes moving over you. You feel too hot all of a sudden but you don’t dare to move. 

“It’s probably Hinata because while Tenten is as exciteable as Naruto and as easygoing as Gaara, I think you like her the most of all your female authors because she’s the sweetest.”

“Yeah.” You laugh softly. “Guilty as charged.”

Sasori looks a little smug at your answer and you want to ask something, not really knowing what, just to keep the conversation going when your phone rings.

“Oh god, it’s Sai.” You breathe out before summarizing the situation to Sasori. “Brilliant author, does primarily Horror. Has the worst case of imposter syndrome I’ve ver seen.”

“Good luck.” 

-

By Friday you’d love to say that you’ve all but forgotten about that particular conversation with Sasori.

But you haven’t. Overthinking has got you this far in your career, but if you could just stop overthinking this date for a second, you’d probably end up with less heartache.

He’s probably forgotten all about it anyway. 

He found someone else to take.

Or realized that in this day and age, you can just show up without a date and call it a day.

And even if he takes you, it’s just a favor you have to pay him for him doing Kakuzu a favor and isn’t that all messed up anyway?

“Are you okay?”

You blink.

Nagato’s staring at you and you wonder, hope, fear - did you just think out loud?

“You’ve been staring into space for a while,” he explains softly, his dark red hair reflecting the sunlight. It’s almost the same shade as Sasori’s. Which has you thinking of him again.

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head as violently as you can without attracting even more attention. “I’m overthinking.”

“Oh, I’m familiar with that. Can I help?”

“Uh.” 

Nagato takes a seat, either not realizing you’d rather not talk about this with your kind-of-boss or not caring about it at all.

“When I overthink, it helps me to put everything into perspective. For example… Yahiko and Konan want to move out. This would leave me all alone. Oh no, will I ever find joy again?” He chuckles to himself a little too darkly for your taste. You blink. He continues without further prompting.

“Now imagine it as a book. We start with the protagonist who’s lived his whole life with his two best friends by his side. Now they want to move out. What will happen to the protagonist?”

“Oh!” You can’t help yourself, your finger raised like you’re back in school. “I know! The protagonist searches for new roommates and one of them is this cute girl who works part-time as a Barista but dreams of being a Full-Time Cat-Sitter! They immediately hit it off!”

Now it’s Nagato’s time to blink. 

You just start to wonder if you’ve overstepped when his hand comes up to rub his chin.

“That’s actually not a bad idea…”

“Can we turn it around?” You ask, now fueled by inspiration. “I’m supposed to go on a date with a guy I’m crushing on but it’s not a real date, it’s more like a ‘I don’t want to go and I don’t know who to bring, so will you go with me’ kind of thing.”

“Ah.” Nagato nods. “Well, you know the rules! First, we need a make-over scene. Take your best friend shopping and find a spectacular dress or outfit of your choice that makes you feel great.”

“Do I have to go shopping for that? I can think of three cute outfits at the top of my head and they’re all hanging in my closet.”

“Even better, we’re saving the environment here. That means you can go on to the next step. You have fun at that event. If it’s a date, it’s a date. If it’s not a date, you’ll surely meet someone else there.”

“But-”

“Ah.” Nagato raises his hand to stop you. “I don’t make the rules. And before I forget, I’m still waiting on that Romantic Drama you promised me.”

“Oh!” It’s your turn to hold up your hand. “I got it, I got it! Shino sent it over today. It’s fantastic, as usual. I cried three times just reading through the rough plot.”

“Ah, Shino!” Nagato cracks a rare smile. “Don’t tell him but he might be my favorite author. You can always count on him to break my heart.”

-

It’s half past three on Saturday afternoon when your phone beeps with an incoming message. Your hair is up in a messy bun, your face covered in a chocolate mask - sadly enough it was named after its look and not its taste.

It’s Sasori. He’s picking you up in half an hour.

The only positive thing you can find about this is that you only have thirty minutes to stress yourself out. Not that you have much time for that as you fly from one room to the next, washing your face, trying to make something out of your hair, the small amount of makeup you have, the jewelry you never seem to be able to find.

Sasori is punctual.

You’re a little out of breath when you open the door for him.

“Did you just come home?” He asks. He’s not commenting on your outfit. Is that good or bad?

“Eh, no, I was… just multitasking, is all.” You cringe at your wording. God, why are you awkward?

“Let’s go then?” Sasori offers you his arm, slowly taking it down when you don’t take it, too surprised by the gesture. “Nevermind.”

“No, I- I want to-” You cut yourself off, cringing even more. 

He offers you his arm again and you take it, too embarrassed to look into this eyes.

“You look good.” He tells you, quietly enough that you think you’ve imagined it. He does not repeat it anyway.

-

“What’s this art show about anyway?” You ask, minutes before you’re about to enter.

“The theme is Evanescence versus Persistence.” He explains. His arm is warm and steady as you lean on it and he smells too good to be true. Help.

“What does that mean?”

“There’s art that’s made to last and art that’s made to be gone, changed in a second. I’m one of the artists picked for the Persistence part.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you were an artist.” It makes sense though, in a way. 

“The pictures… the one in your office, are they from you too?”

“No.” He shakes his head softly. “They’re from my grandmother. She taught me everything she knew. I like to keep my family close through them.”

“That’s sweet.” He glares at the comment, but you can tell he’s exaggerating a bit. Just for you? Who knows.

“How do you manage?” You ask when there’s a lull in your conversation. You’re enamored by the art, not just his. For this art show, he explained, he took pictures of things that are usually gone in an instant, like a sunrise, or an insect taking flight and burned those pictures into wood or poured them into resin, making sure that they persisted the passing of time.

“What do you mean?” 

You point back at the picture of the sunrise. “So you get up early enough to capture the sunrise, find the time to make breakfast, and still make it to the office before everyone else? And to top it all off you’re awake enough to find mistakes in a text when I make typos as soon as I’m even deprived off of ten minutes of sleep in the morning?”

“Oh.” Sasori nods. “That. Well, I’m single, I have barely any friends, I can do whatever I want with my time.”

You’re not sure what possesses you to talk in that moment, but the words are over your lips before you’ve fully thought them.

“Do you ever want to change that?”

His eyes widen. You want to disappear into the floor.

Before you can take them back though, a voice calls your name. And you know that voice.

“Deidara?”

You blink in surprise at the blond. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I present my work tonight. Come, you have to watch!” He pulls your arm. Sasori’s still frozen in place. So you follow Deidara.

After all, what did Nagato say? If it’s not a date, surely you’ll meet someone else.

-

It’s not hard to figure out that Deidara’s art is part of the Evanescene theme. 

He’s prepared a firework of art, literally. And it’s pretty, breathtaking even, but you can’t help but look for Sasori every chance you get.

It’s only when the masses of people are dwindling down again, that you’re able to spot his red hair again.

You move toward him, but Deidara’s not yet ready to let you leave.

“How did you end up here anyway?” He asks, eager eyes mustering you over his drink. “You didn’t tell me you were planning to come.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here. I wasn’t even sure I’d come. Sasori-”

“Oh yeah, what was that about anyway?” He asks, taking a sip of his champagne. “Did he catch you when you came in?”

“No, he invited me.”

Deidara’s eyes widen as he chokes on his drink, barely able to keep it down.

“He what? Why?”

“He said he needed someone to come with him and I owed him a favor.”

Deidara laughs. You’re not sure what’s so funny about all of it.

“Honey.” He clears his throat but he still sounds at the edge of another wave of laughter. “He lied. He just wanted to ask you out.”

“No way.” You hiss. “Not Sasori. Not me.”

“Why not? You’re hot. Ah, go, go, get back to him. Let the poor man finish his weird plan. I’m sure he got one. This is Sasori after all.”

Deidara waves you off, leaves you no choice but to follow his request.

You find Sasori easily.

He’s looking at one of his picture. It’s Sunrise over the sea.

“I think I like this one best.” You tell him quietly as you step up to him.

“Hm.” He doesn’t sound too interested in your opinion. Surely Deidara must be in the wrong. Well, there’s only one way to find out.

“So… Deidara said something.”

“Did he now?”

“Yeah. That you didn’t… need… to bring someone along.”

“What do you think?” Sasori’s dark eyes bore into yours. “What is more powerful? Evanescence or persistence?”

Your mouth opens and closes. Your tongue’s looking for words but can’t find it, not under his intense gaze at least.

“I don’t know,” you finally manage. “What’s more powerful, at least. I just know… Well, I’d prefer Persistence, you know?”

“Why?” There’s a breathyness to his voice that you might have imagined.

“I’d choose someone who stays with me over something fleeting everyday.” You realize your mistake a little too late. “Err, I mean, something that stays.”

When you look back at Sasori, his eyes are closed. He takes a deep breathe and opens them again.

“Come on.” He stretches out his hand and takes yours, rubs his thumb over the back of your hand as if that didn’t stop your heart from beating. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“E-eat?” 

“Yeah. Isn’t that what you do on dates? Dinner and a show? I’m sorry I turned it around.”

You blink. “So it’s a date?”

Sasori nods. You’re pretty sure you’re not imagining the blush that’s rising on his pale cheeks.

“A date-date, if you’re still overthinking it.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You totally were.”

“Okay, fine, but-” He leans forward, stops just short of kissing you. 

“Yeah?” He asks and you forget what you wanted to say.

-

Sasori parks his car in front of your apartment building, but he makes no move to pull out his key or cut the music that’s softly playing in the background.

Dinner had been amazing, great food in a quiet Restaurant where the cook knew Sasori by name. Your cheeks are warm, your belly full. During dinner, during the drive, his hand occasionally took yours. 

“Why me?” You ask, now that you can almost see the end. You could just keep quiet and hope for a kiss goodnight, but that just wouldn’t be you, would it?

“Do you know that most new hires are scared of me?” Sasori asks, staring ahead. “I thought it was all of them until you came along.”

You furrow your brows. “What do you mean? I was scared of you.”

“No.” He laughs softly. “You tripped into my office on your first date, smiled brightly and asked me what I wanted to drink. And then you brought me a Blueberry Muffin just because they had them on display and you thought I could like one.”

“Yeah, and you do like them.” You remind him, unable to keep quiet. You barely remember that first meeting, only know that you’d been stunned by his beauty, your impression of him only growing softer when you realized he was hardworking too. Kind, in his own way. A little hard to bribe, but never one to refuse help.

“I never liked Blueberry muffins until you gave me one.” He says as if it’s that simple. And then he leans over and looks into your eyes, voice breathless as he asks: “Can I kiss you? Please?”

- - -

You’re leaning over Sasori’s chair, pointing out something in Naruto’s newest work when the door opens.

Karin, your newest trainee, peeks her head inside. “Hey, I’m running to the coffee shop. Do you guys want something?”

“No thank you.” Sasori’s answer comes quick. You’re left to ponder. In theory, you could use a coffee. More than that you could use the short walk to the coffee shop that you’re missing out on since Karin took over drink duty.

“She’s fine.” Sasori points out when you’re unable to find an answer.

Karin nods and the door closes.

“I kinda want a coffee though.” You point out. Sasori nods. “I know. We’ll go together in a minute.”

“Oh?” You blink, press your face into his neck because you know it annoys him. Also, he smells really good. “You could just have sent Karin for it then.”

“It’s not the same,” he grumbles, moving around when your hair tickles his skin. “Besides, I like going out with you.”

You smile into his skin, and press a featherlight kiss to where goosebumps are starting to form.

Persistence still wins over Evanescence.

[sithbelle]

Hi there. I'm going to be vulnerable for a moment. I wrote this book (working title "Synia") over the last 5 years, and finished it up back in April. Since then, I've been holding onto it, willing myself to send out queries. But the fear of rejection, and the knowledge that it's likely not a "sellable" book, has kept me back from actually sending out any letters. To force myself to do something, I'd like to share the prologue with you all. The story is about a pair of siblings who are Syniae, or creatures who have magical gifts based on synesthesia.

If you would like to know more, I'll be happy to blab on about it ad nauseam. If you know of any publishers or literary agents who are interested in such a story, please let me know. If this falls into the empty void, well...that's also feedback that I need. Thank you for reading the above, and I hope you enjoy the prologue below:

-----------------*-*-*-*-*---------------

Grey.

Everything was grey. The sky, the walls, the fog inside her head. Even her tormentor’s eyes were a piercing, unforgiving grey. It was the color that invaded her every thought from the moment she awoke until the moment she finally passed out.

Long ago, there used to be a spectrum. She vaguely recalled the melody of a forest green, the sweet sound of a tempting red, the echo of a vibrant yellow. That was an æon ago. Now, she was reduced to monochrome, the lifeless color of a rainy day.

Today, she had opted for a change of scenery. Instead of spending the entire day in bed, staring at the grey ceiling, she instead sat next to the grey-filtered transpane along one of the walls, watching the mist that enveloped the view.

Suddenly, the dreaded low, silky voice behind her called through the mental mist:

“Oh good, you’re up. I was beginning to wonder if I had finally broken you.” The disembodied tone had an air of amusement to it, as though it had told some clever inside joke.

She scowled in reply, but did not turn to search for the source of the voice. She had no words for the man. Words had color to them, and this Orb didn’t allow for that.

“I see. Just as conversational as ever,” mused her captor. “Come now, there’s no need for such reticence. We’re far beyond that. After all, we’ve both held up our ends of the bargain so far, and you can clearly see the benefits. You’re fully cooperative now and haven’t tried to escape in quite some time, and in return, your living quarters are quite generous, and I do try to make sure you’re well fed. For all intents and purposes, you are far more my guest than my prisoner at this point.”

And it was true. The sleeping room she was currently sitting in was rather large, and contained a bed, a small table, and two chairs, one of which she occupied. Attached to it was a respectable bathing room, complete with a tub. There was even a small cooking and eating room across a small, narrow hallway. She should have been comfortable. There were just two major problems: she was here against her will, and everything was that same damnable shade.

When she didn't hear the sound of her "host's" footsteps echoing away from her prison,

her curiosity and anger got the better of her. Almost subconsciously, she turned and gave the lurking man in the entryway a withering glance. To the prisoner, he was barely more than a silhouette. What little she could see was distorted into the same washed-out shade by the specially- filtered light. Slate shoes and the bottom half of a charcoal suit protruded into frame, along with a pair of ashen hands clasped in front of his sharkskin belt.

He responded to her glare by tugging slightly at the cuff of his sleeve, almost as if he were uncomfortable. It was a ruse, she knew; they had played this scenario out before. She turned back to face the table and transpane as the Grey Man strode in from the entryway behind her. His footsteps tapped a muffled rhythm on the shaggy grey carpet. In another life, she could have made a song from it. Now, it was just another sound to interrupt the monotony echoing pointlessly in her mind.

When he reached the remaining chair across from her, he paused before sitting, and instead looked down at her calculatedly for a moment. Then, he pulled her forward across the small, round table by her chin, forcing her brown eyes to meet his grey, separated only a couple centimeters. She was a bit taken aback at the action, but did not dare show it on her face. He had never been this aggressive before.

“Tell me, Synia, what makes you hate me so much? After all, you invited me. I merely gave you everything you asked for,” he purred.

Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then just as quickly returned to the hostile glare she had perfected in the last year. He had just given her the ability to escape, but he didn’t know it.

Yet.

She fought to keep her thoughts from showing on her face, taking care to ensure that the mask was firmly in place. Fortunately, he misunderstood the lapse.

“Ahhh, yes. The truth is rather uncomfortable, isn’t it? Just think: if your curiosity and desperation hadn’t gotten the better of you, you wouldn’t be here, and this whole mess could have been avoided. How selfish of you,” he said, almost a whisper. The man thrust her chin away, forcing her to break eye contact and instead focus on her balance. He smirked slightly as he stood up and faced the entryway.

“Still, I must be grateful. Thanks to you, I have been given the greatest gift of all. Because of your greed, I’m free to move as I wish, and every whim I could think of is catered to my specific design!” His voice rose slightly with each sentence, as if convincing himself that it was true.

He paused and when he spoke again, his voice was back to its usual silk: “Before too long now, I'll have cracked the code, and you will truly be at my mercy. I’m getting oh so close. This last experiment yielded some remarkable results that the bots are still analyzing. And when I do figure it out, I will be able to be rid of you for good. Until then..." He trailed off dramatically as he walked towards the door. She did not turn to watch him leave.

His footsteps paused behind her, and there was complete silence for several seconds. Her curiosity once again betrayed her. As she turned, she saw him standing with his back to her, the grey fob in his hand extended to unlock the door. However, he didn’t activate it. Instead, he had waited until he knew she was watching to leave his parting shot. His voice returned to the deadly not-quite-whisper:

“Well, that’s the only reason you’re still alive.”

He activated the fob, and the door clicked open. She had already turned back to face the transpane again by the time he had crossed over the threshold. There was a sound of the electomag lock bolt sliding back into place, followed by gentle footsteps that retreated back into the silence.

She closed her eyes and exhaled softly, like she had a million times before. Only this time, there was a monumental difference: he had finally made an error. He had been so careful in the last four-hundred-and-thirty-two days, sixteen hours, and twenty-two minutes to make sure that her entire life had no color except grey. Every single surface and feature had been carefully selected to prevent her from using her gift.

He had the bots shave her head every other day or so, leaving nothing but a faint, grey stubble. Her now threadbare clothes had been carefully selected to be comfortable, but monochromatic. There were no mirrors, and every surface that could have possibly held a reflection was scratched or matted down, so she could not see herself. And her tattoos…she still couldn’t think about that, even as she subconsciously touched the scars on her left forearm where one of them used to be. She was to be as much grey as the room itself. But they could not change her eyes.

Her brown eyes.

For an instant, as he held her gaze so close to his own, the filtered light was broken by his own shadow, and his wintery stare became twin mirrors. For the first time in three-hundred-and-ninety-six days, eight hours, and twenty minutes, she saw a color. And she remembered.

She remembered what brown felt like.

That tiny glimpse was all she needed. It was the spark of hope she had been waiting for, that she had almost given up on. She had a color; a good one, even. For the first time in her life, she was grateful that her eyes were the color of cesspools, as he had once described them.

Now all she had to do was focus, plan, and wait for the perfect moment. She had all the time in the Orb. After all, he stupidly thought she was beaten.

[katey-writes]

So I completed a novel. It sits at 110k words and was a labor of love and felt so good to watch it come to fruition!

But then you find out how much the novel is just step one if you, like me, decide you want to give it a go and see if you can get yourself published.

I will say this off the bat, you can do all the research you want (and you should!) but that probably won't be enough to get you ready for the gauntlet that you are going to walk. First, I should say that I have an amazing support network. This includes a therapist, a supportive spouse, and my mom who is my biggest fan. To top it off, I've been in the same fandom since the onset of the pandemic, and have made some extremely close and supportive friends through that. Combine that with having a decent day job and it's a pretty good place to be to try.

I found some amazing resources (namely https://www.reddit.com/PubTips - it's so good. I highly recommend!) that explain where to go and what the process is. In the US, if you have a novel you want to publish traditionally, you can go to Query Tracker and look up literary agents that represent your genre who are also currently open to unsolicited queries. Then you write yourself a query (ie a short but enticing pitch, usually less than 350 words, about your book) to get an agent interested. They'll often also ask for a synopsis (breakdown of the whole plot), sometimes a pitch (a single sentence), the first many pages/chapters of the book, and finally what books that are comparable to yours.

Then you send these out to some number of agents, likely a large number of agents, because they're all getting inundated with over a hundred of these queries a week, and you cross your fingers and hope... and wait.

And then you brace for the rejections. Most of the time they're form letters but there are times that they give feedback.

I think all I want to say about this is build up your resilience. It doesn't matter who you are, you are going to get a whole bunch of "no's." If the agents are kind enough to leave you with feedback, take it. In my case, it has not even been a month yet since I submitted to agents. I got a bit of feedback which has indicated that I have not hooked people into the world I wrote early enough, so I turned to those magnificent fanfic friends to ask them for advice on how I could make the hook dig in faster. (Sometimes those things are hard for authors to see - we live in our worlds and can sometimes be tunnel visioned.)

I have a few regrets. Not about querying this work, not at all! But I wish I had asked people completely unconnected to the story if they could read the first chapter or two and tell me if they felt connected to the world. I wish I had sent my query to be critiqued by reddit (I'm telling you, /r/PubTips is incredible). I wish I had broken my queries into smaller batches, so if a few agents got back with the same criticism, I could hone that first before sending to more.

This is also a process that requires patience, a thing I do not have enough of! I'm grateful that financially, not getting a rapid book deal (or traditional deal at all) is not going to impact me. I want my writing out there and I still think about how amazing it would be to get to write all day! But this whole process takes time. And it takes luck. I could have the perfect query and still strike out, and I could have a mediocre query but an agent who connects with the story. It's subjective and it's a craps shoot.

So I guess that other than writing about my experience, I also wanted to give a few nuggets I'm picking up as I go.

Get critical beta readers especially for the first few chapters!

Use the non-agent resources available, like /r/PubTips for your query!

Send your query out to a LOT of agents, you never know who is going to connect with it. But, it's best to do it in smaller batches in case you get feedback that you can use to improve!

Be patient! It takes time. Find friends who will give it love if you need some whilst waiting (ps THANK YOU to my wonderful friends for giving it love whilst I am waiting!)

And you're going to get a lot of no's. That's okay! It's even okay to be salty and to grumble about it. But don't give up.

Rejection hurts, and it's okay for you to feel it! But you are resilient, you will bounce back, you will persist.

And if you want to beta read a story about a girl who meets a dragon and watches her whole world turn upside down, then please feel free to reach out!

[olderthannetfic]

The previous convos about sensitivity readers and purity culture in booktwit types definitely feels familiar. I'll never forget when I was querying agents a few years ago with a novel I wrote, and I was told my writing "caused discomfort," was "problematic" and could be seen as racist/anti-black and having a lot of instances of queerphobia and misogynoir. The novel was a horror-fantasy story that actually was based on the transatlantic slave trade but on a different planet (So, yes, I would hope that this kind of story would be disturbing and cause discomfort in the reader. Mission accomplished). The plot covered several generations of the captured aliens who were enslaved (a la A Hundred Years of Solitude), the fallout of their enslavement, and the mistreatment of the enslaved people as a result. Most of the agents who requested the full manuscript said they liked the story, but I was met with many intrusive questions about my identity, race, gender, and sexuality and urges to work with a sensitivity reader should we progress forward as agent and writer. I am a Black, femme nonbinary, bisexual person. This was all fine and dandy with them, so they wanted to make this information about my identity public for consumers to appease the Twitter crowd and dissuade callout posts from the functionally illiterate. I wanted to maintain my dignity and not disclose any personal information. (They assumed it was because I was in the closet or something. I was not then and am not now. My identity just isn't anyone's business if they want to read a book, simple as that. This was also especially because there are mentions of sexual assault of some characters, and that kind of information definitely isn't anyone's business to know about an author. Period.) I also didn't want to hire a sensitivity reader because they were advertised to me as someone who performed outrage at works for a living (It also didn't help that I was linked to a few sensitivity readers who were very vocal on YA book Twitter and SFF Twitter. No thank you.). This was, apparently, a problem. That was when I decided publishing may not be for me, at least traditional publishing.

--

Yeah, sadly, I feel there is an audience for that book, but you're going to have to find it yourself. Anything YA adjacent is too outrage-driven without the necessary nuance, but a lot of more oldschool SFF circles are too full of the kind of sensitive, delicate white guys who wouldn't get this book either. Maybe an indie black press? Somewhere with a more literary bent that thrives on controversial books? Depending on how horror-y it is, maybe there's an avenue to pursue there. Horror fans do include a lot of manbabies too, but those circles can be more open to actually dark stuff.

At least self publishing is easy now, but self publishing and then getting a significant number of people to buy and read the book is hard.

I promise that decent sensitivity readers exist, but the ones that crowd is going to send you to are... not equipped to deal with dark horror fantasy, in my opinion.

And as a writer, I wouldn't work with anyone I didn't know pretty well anyway. How are you supposed to evaluate the feedback of a rando? What if they fundamentally don't get your genre?

If you do decide to press on, I think I'd look for like-minded fellow writers to begin with. Start a club. Serialize your stuff in the same place. IDK. There are plenty of grown-ass adults who buy books and who like nuance. There's got to be some way to find your audience.

It would be a pity to give up just because publishing is full of cowards.