#losing my house is bad enough and being too poor to live

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The Monster That Lurked

Alastor x GN!Reader

A/N:Hey hey! I'm in a really angsty mood and decided to write a full fledged fic about my own work of ‘Monster In The Woods’!!! YAY!!! ALSO A FRIENDS TO LOVERS DEAL- SUE ME. Also you can picture Human Alastor or Alastor anyway you want cause I don’t really describe him much except for what he is wearing and I picture Alastor a certain way in my head. This got long I apologize.

TW: Set in the 1920-30’s, Human Alastor and his murders. Pre-established relationships, cheating, Alastor “stealing” you away from your husband.Alastor and Reader have known each other for a long time already. Reader is also some sort of fucked up, in like the murder way. Talks about cheating, fighting, Gore, Christianity and religion in general. MURDER VERY MUCH MURDER

Word Count: 7k

1927, the days filled with laughter and partying whilst listening to jazz standing with your husband..well you were waiting outside a sleazy bar for your husband, the same drunkard that your father had married you off to. He wasn’t your first choice neither was he your last choice. You would’ve been fine not marrying anybody and just living your life hidden from prying eyes, you would rather be somewhere in the Louisiana bayou with Alastor. Just sitting and listening to him ramble on about a new show he was talking about or how some poor lad got on his bad side. 

But yet you were standing on the sidewalk in front of a sleazy bar with even sleazier patrons as you stared at your husband through one of the windows as he hit on the same poor dame that served him. He cheated all the time and yet you never cared, was it because you never truly loved him or was it the fact you’d rather picture his own death while he begged god for his sins. You couldn’t tell anymore and a part of you didn’t want to know anymore. The other part of you wanted to delve deeper into your own thoughts, wanted to open the door that was locked and barricaded for your own good. You wanted to understand what it felt like to rip flesh from bone and see how long it would take for him to lose consciousness from the blood loss.

A loud honk from a passing car made you jump out of your skin and look around, feeling the small box in your pocket, it was supposed to be for your husband but he didn’t deserve it, he would’ve just sold it eagerly for some kind of money to waste his life away. That’s fine you knew a man who would appreciate it more than him anyway. The same man whose voice was happily broadcasted on every radio for miles around, you could practically hear his smile through the radio static and fuzz. Your heartbeat a little faster than it should’ve just thinking about him, he was your friend and that was it. Friends don’t have crushes on friends. This was just a way to spoil him for being a good friend of yours. Right?

You couldn’t bother him right now, you knew better so you did what you always did. Went back home and made yourself busy until he eventually made his way over to your house. He was always quick enough to get to your house before your drunken husband did but stayed around long enough (i.e in the early hours of the morning) so you wouldn’t have to deal with anything unnecessary and you eventually went to bed. Then he would’ve disappeared for a few days but he came back around. You didn’t question him or his ways, you knew better. A part of you did want to question his motives but you held your tongue like you always did.

Your husband wasn’t a necessarily violent man..just dumb and constantly drinking, said some nasty words too. If it wasn’t for you, Alastor would’ve probably done him in by now. Especially when he was talking bad about his Mother, you saw the way Alastor stared at your husband. The same angry look you gave him when he had gotten on your last nerve. But before Alastor could get to him, some other patron did. Knocked your husband’s nose sideways and a tooth completely out. Bastard deserved it completely and till this day you don’t visit that place. You needed a fucking drink thinking about your husband but the bastard drunk your house completely dry.

A knock on your front door snapped you out of your thoughts and as you turned towards your front door, the man of the hour had walked through your door. A huge grin plastered on his face, one hand holding a bottle of whiskey and in the other today's paper. “Ah ha! There you are, My Dear!” He called out his suit absolutely spotless. A smile formed on your lips as you grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, waving him towards one of the only rooms your husband doesn’t enter. “You had me worrying there for a moment,” He said tilting his head back towards you as he led you to the parlor room, “Maybe that husband of yours was back from wherever he was lurking.” He finished his smile falling into a snarl, Alastor was also not a huge fan of your husband from the start. You never asked why as you both didn’t want to think of him during your little time together.

“Please..you know better than I do that he’s hitting up on a poor dame at the bar.” You replied, sitting the glasses down on the table causing him to make a noise in acknowledgement, “At this point, Alastor..I’m believing you're a mind reader with how you just appear with whiskey in hand at my front door.” At that? He let out a loud belly laugh leaning in closer to you allowing his gaze to soften as he stared at your features before he leaned away opening the bottle of whiskey. This was going to be a long night for the both of you and you had forgotten all about the gift.

~~~

A couple weeks had passed since you last saw Alastor in person but you didn’t fret, he had called the next day to tell you he had made it back home safely. Something he had picked up ever since you had asked him to stay the night so long ago, you were-..are still scared of your own thoughts. The ones that dare creep out, the ones who tell you to crack open your husband’s chest and rip out his still beating heart. The ones who you don’t dare tell a soul and you sure as hell won’t tell Alastor, he’d think you're insane. But you knew..you were slowly losing yourself and everyday it was one step closer to killing your husband.

Walking into the kitchen and rolling your eyes seeing your husband looking like hell, “Hungover John?” You hissed out as you moved past him a grunt falling from his lips in reply, “Shut the fuck up..” He hissed out speech still slurred as half assed venom dripped from his tongue. “I wasn’t the one up at 1 in the morning drinking with that no good radio host.” You froze your hand twitching towards the knife on the counter but stopped yourself, “I wasn’t the one who was at the bar drinking his sorrows away whilst trying to bed another dame for the twentieth time this week.” You hissed back, sending a glare towards him. 

John stood up fully and walked towards you getting into your face, hand raising to no doubt strike you. But nothing came as someone cleared their voice, an icy cold tone to it. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Friend.” Alastor..fuck you forgot about him and his way of just walking into your house. You had drunkenly given him a key one night, ‘Just in case’ you told him. You were glad that you did because as soon as he heard Alastor’s cold voice he immediately backed up and stormed off deeper into the house.

Alastor’s cold gaze had followed the poor idiotic man as he disappeared into the home before they snapped back onto you. “Are you alright?” He asked the venom and anger laced in his voice gone but you saw how his eyes still held his anger, like they did when that fool had talked bad about his Mother. You often had envy and wished that you could know a mother’s gentle hand guiding you towards a better life. But criminals only give birth to criminals, your mother had left the Earth so long ago you don’t even remember what she looked like anymore but sometimes when you look into a crowd you see a familiar figure and a part of you becomes elated before it crashes and burns into the ground. 

“I’m fine, Alastor.” You replied softly as you glanced down the hallway where your husband stormed off. Alastor sat silent watching your face keep still but the sadness in your eyes was apparent, he knew you yearned for freedom and solace. He knew how you would rather be a thousand miles away from your “husband”- God he hated that word and man, if he could’ve he would’ve killed him a long time ago. Walking over he softly hummed, “Let me take you out on the town, Dear…a way to get your head cleared.” He whispered, reaching over and carefully placing his hand on your shoulder. He watched your eyes once almost so lifeless and dull flicker to life at the thought, “All day?” You asked, glancing at him, the warmness in your eyes returning, a small smile forming on your lips. Hook…line…and sinker, he’s got you right where he wants you, perfectly safe in his hands.

“Of course, Dear! Now go on, go get dressed!” he hummed his smile, returning as he guided you to go down to your own bedroom which was supposed to be the guest bedroom. You never explained why you had moved bedrooms but he didn’t need to guess or ask. It was abundantly clear to anyone who had stepped foot in your household, this “marriage” wasn’t full of love. It was only necessary and after the first year of it, you had grown cold. That man had taken away any semblance of your hope and happiness for a better life. Alastor hummed a tune that played from his radio broadcasts as he looked around your home, he’s seen the decor and fake photos that hung up on the wall a million times but yet it never gets old. Especially when he’s staring at the photo of you on your wedding day, the way the smile doesn’t reach your eyes. “What are you still doing here?” A slurred voice asked, causing him to calmly look over. His smile grew wider at the sight of the boy in front of him. That wasn’t a man..far from it. “Good to see you at least a little sober, Jonathan.” He hummed, dodging the question thrown his way. 

“Shut the fuck up, Alastor.” John threw back, moving closer as Alastor’s eyes darkened. Just a little closer..and then he’d be gone for good. “John!” You yelled out making the man flinch and Alastor’s heart raced, oh how he loved hearing that venom lace your tongue; it was always a delight to see how commanding you were when you wanted to be. When Alastor first met you, you were quiet yet happy and you hadn’t been married to this fool. Such a lovely little mouse minding your own business when you had accidentally bumped into him. He wouldn’t believe anyone if they said meeting you would change his life. You had spilled wine on his suit, yet you didn’t freak out when you saw his eyes flicker angrily. Only apologized and paid for his new suit with the money you had been saving up to leave for good, he wouldn’t find that out until a year later.

John looked over at you with anger but soon he once again stormed out of the house cursing you and Alastor. Alastor looked over at you with a gentle smile returning to his lips as he guided you to the front door. “Come now~ Let’s paint the town red, Dear” He called out laughing at his own little joke making you roll your eyes at his antics. Silly man.

~~~

Hours happily passed by and the day turned into night from swinging into tailors and from jazz clubs to socialite parties so you both could secretly judge people between hushed breaths, he eventually led you down to a park that was lit up with lampposts every so often before sitting down on a park bench under the moonlights soft glow. Your laughter had died down into a comfortable silence as you glanced over at Alastor. His leg crossed the other one, “I haven’t seen someone so eager to play the fool in one of those parties.” He laughed out, tapping his thumb on his knee, “Something on my face, Darling?” You jumped and looked away, “No no..sorry I..I’ve been lost in my own thoughts recently, Alastor.” 

He looked over at you, you were unusually silent the whole night. “Can I tell you something?” You asked, watching as you finally looked over, oh he could never get used to those eyes of yours and that darling little smile was everything to him. “Of course, Darling.” He reached over and carefully plucked a stray leaf from your shoulder, his attention fully on you. You looked down, hands trembling..you had to tell him, you could tell him right? “Nevermind it, you’d think I’d gone insane.” You corrected and cleared your throat leaning back into the cooled bench. You felt uncomfortably hot despite the cold air, winter was right around the corner.

Using his hand to rub at his chin as he hummed your favorite tune he played on air, this piqued his curiosity much more than he’d like to admit. “I’d never think such a thing, my friend!” He replied throwing his hand up in the air as if to actually try and swat those thoughts away from your mind. “Tell me whenever you feel ready to do so, my Dear!~” He was always willing to listen to you even if it was about nothing, your voice was practically music to his ears. Closing his eyes as a cold breeze hit his face as he continued to hum along to fill the silent night, he suspected it was your..’husband’..the cause of all your misery. The way your honeyed voice was now constantly laced with venom and authority as if you had to fight to even allow your voice to be heard. Your silence had felt like an eternity for him but he knew it had only been a moment or two, he didn’t realize how addicted to your voice he had become.

“I..I’ve been having thoughts.” You started making him look over at you, his eyes narrowing in concern at your form, how small you had looked at the moment. He had leaned forward and took his jacket off before draping it over your figure not minding how the cold nipped at his skin but he didn’t interrupt you, he knew better to do so. “Angry thoughts..well they started out that way but now they’ve turned into something more..violent.” You explained carefully pulling his jacket closer to your frame, eyes casted off in the woods. You imagine some man standing there, blood covering his hands and drenching his shirt, a wicked smile on his face as he looked up into the night sky and laughed out loud for god to hear him. 

Alastor followed your gaze as his humming slowed down until it completely stopped to allow the silence to fill the air, his smile pulling into a more sinister one at how he finally understood. The same one that happened to find its way on his lips after killing his latest victim, he quickly rubbed his hand over his mouth allowing the smile to drop before you could catch a glimpse of it. “I think of what it would feel like to rip flesh from bone..to finally choke him out..I want to know what it feels like to snub out a life..his life. I’m not a violent person and these thoughts terrify me, I try to keep them hidden but…sometimes they slip out.” You finish up finally noticing how tight your throat felt and the tears falling down your face. It felt great to finally get that off your chest but now the anxiety of it all set in, would he rat you out to the police? Would he hate you?

“I don’t remember when they started. Was it when I was forced to get married to him? I’d tell myself I can save enough money and start somewhere new..but then I’d miss you..miss your early morning show and our late night talks.” You confessed spilling your problems out onto the sidewalk like a drunkard when he had spilled his guts on the pavement. You were pathetic in your own way. Alastor watched you for a few moments before carefully pulling you into his side, using a handkerchief tucked into his vest pocket to carefully wipe your tears away. “No more tears, dear friend.” he whispered, allowing you to hide your face into his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your waist. 

He was at a crossroad in his own mind, should he tell you not to go with it? He wouldn’t want you to go into this dirty mess. But he also wants you to feel the rush of adrenaline when snubbing out a life, he wants to help. But either way if you did or didn’t he’d take care of it..in some way or another. No one should hurt his little mouse in such a way and get away with it. It was silent for a long time as you calmed yourself and he held you with a softness that was foreign to himself and most others. 

“I always..I always imagined running away with you..to some old house down near the bayou.” You whispered out feeling the familiar chain that hung on his vest, the one hidden under his jacket. He leaned his head against yours and hummed in reply. It sounded picture perfect in his mind.

~~~

You sat at the church pew next to your ‘husband’ and kept your head down as you listened in on the priest doing his normal sermon. The only time your husband had decided to not be drunk and clean up for once in his life was always on Sundays or when his family was coming over. Something you always ran away from, you stayed in the empty parlor with a glass of water and a small book. His mother was never kind to you nor his sisters, you chose to ignore them and their gossip. Especially when you had to be seated around them in a church talking about a man who you possibly didn’t believe in but was instead forced to hear this priest talk about whatever was in the bible. Your hands clasped together as your mind kept drifting off. 

It had only been two days since you told everything to Alastor, your feelings and how you wished to murder your own husband. You haven’t been able to talk to Alastor since which was fine, he was a very busy man after all. Lifting your head up as you felt your husband nudge your leg with his own, you sent him a glance ignoring how he was practically glaring at you. “Don’t embarrass me infront of my family” He hissed out as you glared at the wall. “They already know how rocky our relationship is, John.” You hissed back, about to leave but someone sat next to you keeping his head down, “Sorry I’m late, Dear Friend.” Alastor whispered, making the anger dissipate in a matter of seconds, “Mother wanted to go see an old friend,” He hummed and got comfortable next to you.

After an hour or maybe it was a good 10 minutes you couldn’t tell but Alastor had successfully dragged you away and out of the church under the guise of it being important and he couldn’t dare interrupt the sermon. You didn’t care now as you laughed at some joke that was pointed towards your husband, walking down the street arm in arm as he used his other hand to dramatically explain everything that’s happened between the hours you both had parted. The crying and confession long gone in your mind as you pointed out the flaws in his story but he had only reached over and pinched your nose between his fingers with only a half hearted threat of keeping his ‘secrets’. 

As you both walked down the street the laughter and conversation lulled into a peaceful silence. “Where are you taking me?” You asked, feeling a familiar presence in your pocket, the gift you had forgotten about for weeks now. “Just for a walk through the park, Dear.” He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, a smile had formed on your face but your eyes still had that faraway look in them. Guess you were going back into your own head again, “I got you something a while ago and forgot it in my jacket” you called out reaching into your jacket and pulling the small box out, you didn’t want to bring up the fact it was supposed to be a gift for your husband. Alastor abruptly stopped in his tracks and looked at you, “You didn’t need to do such a thing, Dear.” You only smiled at him and gave him the box, “I know..but I wanted to give it to you.” You whispered out watching as he opened the box, his eyes widening. It was one of the newer pocket watches that you’ve had your eyes on for a long while now, “Dearest I..I couldn’t take this.” He replied carefully, taking the watch out, flipping it open and smiling. “But you can..and you will cause it’s for you, Al..”

You loved seeing him smile like that, something that you had rarely seen when you first started hanging out. It’s still mostly rare, especially when he’s had a hard day or the simple fact that you sometimes don’t see him for days on end. He put the pocket watch back into the box carefully, “Guess I’ll have to find to pay you back now?” He hummed out placing the box into his pocket causing you to sigh, “You know you don’t have to do such a thing, Alastor. I..I don’t deserve it.” Only criminals give birth to criminals and criminals don’t get nice things. 

“Oh but I think you do,” He replied and leaned down to gently tap your forehead, “Despite what those thoughts of yours tell you.” You blinked and stared at him, “You know me too well,” You huffed turning away from him. “Not well enough!” He called happily following after you and quickly catching up, long legged bastard. You looked up at him as he held out his arm, “Are you sure about that, Alastor? I think you know me better than most people.” You said carefully taking hold of his arm, he chuckled and quicked his step making you practically had to speed walk to catch up with him.

The night truly didn’t stop until you were almost on the verge of passing out from laughter and how sleep creeped up on your shoulders. Alastor’s arm was snuggly wrapped around your waist to keep you upright as the sandman was practically calling your name. “Come on now, one foot up the step.” He whispered as he guided your sleepy self up onto your own porch. “I can walk fine, Alastor. I’m not drunk,” You whispered, shaking your head trying to fight off how your eyes grew heavier. You don’t like being up past a certain time in the early mornings but for Alastor you would’ve done it a million times over….Maybe you did have a crush on him but he wouldn’t love you back in a million years. 

You don’t remember when you got into your bedroom, did you black out on him? Yet he was still holding you against his chest as he swayed you to an imaginary rhythm. “And here I thought you had fallen asleep on me already.” He whispered out, causing you to jump out of your skin for a second before you huffed, “Sorry, didn’t mean to do so.” You replied leaning back to try and smooth out his shirt, now noticing his jacket was draped near the door of your bedroom. “Nonsense, I find it comforting in a way that you trust me to fall asleep near me.” He replied watching you, his bow tie had been undone for a couple hours now but watching the way you had subconsciously fixed it for him made his heart race and butterflies erupt in his stomach.

His mind wandered off watching as you blinked the sleep from your eyes to make sure he still looked presentable. He wondered sometimes what it would be like if he married you instead of that idiotic man. “..Don’t leave for too long this time, Al..I know I’ll eventually hear your voice on the radio but sometimes it’s not the same..” You whispered out glancing back up at him, his gloved hand reaching up to cup your face tracing the bags under your eyes with his thumb, “I’ll try, Cher..” He replied as he leaned down to press his head against yours. He couldn’t promise it but he’d try especially since he has been working so hard on his plan to get rid of that idiotic husband of yours.

You leaned your head up, allowing for your noses to brush against one another. His arms were still wrapped around your waist, one of his hands splayed on the middle of your back. Then it had hit you, all those times he had pulled you away from your husband and took you to the places you loved..was he silently courting you? Had he been doing so for days now and you were just too stupid to notice? You gently cupped his face and watched as he had opened his eyes, when did he close them? “I..Alastor? Have you been courting me?” Your voice was only above a whisper making him freeze in his tracks. He was silent for a long time before he nodded and sighed. “I have been yes,” He replied and you felt your face warm, seemingly all of the tiredness from before had dissipated. 

His gloved hands came up to carefully grasp onto yours as your thumb caressed his cheek, a faint scar that had healed overtime. You remembered when you saw the scar, yet you never asked, figuring he would’ve told you when he decided to do so. He had yet to say a word about it so it must’ve not been important. In the years that you had known him, you’ve grown to love him and to be wary of him all at the same time. He was a wild mutt waiting to sink his teeth into any fresh meat he could find, he wasn’t the one to be tamed or “domesticated” and you surely would never think to tie him down to a preconceived notion such as marriage or a family life. It took someone truly special to worm their way into his heart and that was a tough act, nonetheless, he had picked and prodded at the worst parts of you wanting to see how quick it took for you to finally snap at him, show your fangs and reveal your weak spots to him. He loved the game of it.

Yet here he was, the same wild animal that used to raise his hackles and bare its sharp teeth was essentially laying down and showing his belly to you. He’d disappear to find his fill and get those fangs bloodied before he’d make his way back to you. Maybe everyone who told you to stay away was right, he wasn’t a man to stick around but here you were inviting the man into your home day after day because you just couldn’t get enough of him. 

Blinking your thoughts away you focused on Alastor, how he had leaned closer to you. “May I?” He whispered, ever the gentleman he was, his hands carefully squeezing yours as you nodded your head a small smile on your lips. Wordlessly, he closed the gap and gently kissed you. At first it was such a small kiss but you didn’t want it to end, you just got a taste of what it felt like to be loved..actually loved and it felt amazing, that one small kiss turned into a bigger one as his hands fell down to hold onto your sides.

You would be asleep until lunch the next day, the memory still fresh on your mind as you awoke to find a small gift box on your bedside table. You were going to kill Alastor.

~~~

You sat in an office, legs crossed as you watched the lawyer in front of you collect some papers and give you a passing glance every so often. “Now, it’s to my knowledge you are looking to file for a divorce?” The man asked, causing you to nod, “Now is there a reason for this divorce?” You huffed, how many times did you have to explain it? “Infidelity, I’ve caught him one too many times and I’d rather make this quick.” You huffed out venom lacing your tongue as you watched the older gentleman nod and produced some papers. 

After an hour of signing papers and making everything on record you had finally gone home. You didn’t even greet your husband when you walked inside, just placed the papers on the table and left for the day ignoring how he yelled out for you. You had walked all the way to the park, the same park Alastor had walked you to all those weeks ago and you spilled your darkest secrets out into the open. Sitting on the same bench as you watched people pass by as your eyes drifted to the woods, you also knew Alastor was an avid hunter and you’d be alone for a while longer as deer season came around. You’d be alone with your husband and your thoughts. You hoped this divorce would go through but it was a slim chance and then you would rightfully be kicked out of church for thinking of doing such a thing. Laughter rang in your ears as you got lost in your own world, your eyes glued onto the Doe walking out of the collection of trees to find something to eat on.

As the doe finally found something to snack on it had turned its head up and towards you. A small part of you felt a twinge of dread as you stared at the doe and the other part felt calm as the feeling started to grow and settle into the pit of your stomach, your breathing slowed down considerably before the doe had run off seemingly spooked away. You frowned and watched as it disappeared further into the woods. Gloved hands clamped down onto your shoulders making you jump up in surprise and let out a loud scream as Alastor’s laugh was heard from behind you.

 You turned on your heel ignoring the passerby who looked on in confusion, “I’m going to kill you, Alastor.” You hissed out trying to hide the prominent blush on your features and how your lips creeped up into a smile. He smirked, he knew you didn’t actually mean you would kill him. Your version of ‘kill’ meant you would simply get him back later in some kind of fashion. You were a smart person after all. “I’m sorry, Dear! You were so out of sorts you looked primed for me to scare you.” He hummed and moved to sit down on the bench, his hand patting the spot next to him. You let out a loud sigh sitting next to him, “What’s on your mind?” He hummed out fixing his gloves before moving to brush imaginary dust off his pants. 

You were silent for some time trying to figure out the words in your head, “I gave John divorce papers today.” you whispered out causing him to look over trying to hide the growing smile on his face, you still haven’t brought up the kiss you both shared the night before and you were scared to do so. “Really?” He hummed, leaning back against the bench using one hand to tap a melody on his knee, “I’m just waiting for him to sign it and see if the court will..allow the divorce to happen.” He didn’t answer and looked ahead as the conversation lulled into a comfortable silence. Your mind raced as another cold breeze hit you in the face, what would you do if the court denied the divorce? Would Alastor still..be by your side? The thoughts raced and raced but before you could delve deeper, a warm inviting hand was placed onto your shoulder causing you to look over at him confused but leaned into the warmth.

“It’s going to be okay, Dear. Don’t let those thoughts run you ragged now.” You nodded at his words and smiled, “Figured you’d be out hunting by now.” That made him let out a small laugh as his smile grew wider and went off on a tangent about hunting and how to actually be a good hunter.

You’d be fine.

~~~

You’d be fine.

Those were the words echoing in your head as you were now standing in your kitchen hands on the counter as you stared down at the broken glass cup as you heard your husband yell at you. The amber liquid is now spilling onto the wooden floor, your cheek burned like hell and you tasted the iron in your mouth as you unclench your jaw allowing your teeth to free themselves from your tongue. You stormed over to the phone and used the rotary dial to call a familiar number that you had stuck in the back of your mind. Alastor. You don’t remember the start of the conversation. All you could mumble between the stinging pain and blood in your mouth was, “Come over..It’s an emergency.” Before hanging up abruptly.

The next few moments were quick in your mind but you knew it took far much longer to do as your hands trembled. Grabbing whatever heavy metal object you could find in the vicinity, as your husband turned to face you once more. The fear in the man’s eyes as you swung and hit him in the face, breaking his nose with a sickening crack. He fell to the floor, his hands moving to cover his nose as he stared up into your empty anger filled eyes, god..it felt good to see him as nothing but a pathetic ant beneath your feet. It felt invigorating as you dropped to your knees one hand holding him down as you continuously bashed the item into his face until he was nothing more than a lifeless body surrounded by a pool of his own blood.

You stared down at him and then the blood covering your hands as tears formed into your eyes and a sob bubbled up from your throat but you weren’t sad. Far from it..you were relieved as you looked up at the ceiling falling flat on your ass as you started to laugh between horrid sobs. Your hands grasping at your shirt laughing louder until your cheeks hurt from how long you were smiling and as Alastor finally came into your vision. The smile faltered for a moment as another loud sob wracked your body, “I did it, Al..I did it-” You choked out as you curled into yourself. “It felt so fucking good..I felt fucking invincible.” You hissed out blood dripping from your mouth and onto the floor. “Oh god- I finally fucking did it.”

Alastor walked over calmly and quietly, his hands clasping on your shoulders. His suit was long gone as when you called him he was in the middle of getting ready to go out ‘hunting’ but when he heard your desperation, he rushed over immediately. “You did and I’m so proud of you, Dearest..but go get cleaned up and I’ll deal with the mess, yes?” He whispered into your ear as you let out another sob allowing him to help you stand up on your two feet. As he helped you to your own bathroom and got you fresh clothes, he went back to the freshly dead body in your kitchen and smirked. “Got what you had comin’ old boy.” He hissed out before starting to get to work cleaning up the mess.

It didn’t take him long to clean up but now he had to find a way to actually get rid of the body. In your backyard? No, that's too suspicious..in the woods? Maybe but he doesn’t want you to have another breakdown. But he would have to wait until night time so right now? He’s going to have to play the part just in case people start to suspect something. He looked around and draped a blanket over the body before dragging it towards an empty room.

When he had walked back to the kitchen, he had watched as you were carefully cleaning up the shards of glass. Walking over he had finally noticed the blooming bruise on your cheek causing a part of him to be angry. “He hit you?” He whispered out helping you stand up, “Yeah..after we got home after the court denied the appeal..said I embarrassed him and broke a cup over my head before slapping me.” You whispered your speech slurred from your swollen tongue making you flinch, “What do I do now?” You whispered out, allowing him to gently grab your chin, “I don’t know what to do, Al..” His eyes softened and he sighed, “Sit down and I’ll cook something for you, Dear. We are gonna have to wait till nightfall.” He hummed, pressing a gentle kiss upon your head.

Later that night, he had helped you bury your ex husband deep in the forest, he mostly did all the dirty work but he did explain how to hide a body. 

~~~

It was now 1931, four years after you had killed your ex husband and a year after the economy collapsed. You and Alastor had moved in with one another and while not officially married by the courts you both loved one another and acted as such. Wearing a wedding ring on your finger told everyone you were either remarried or you still loved your poor ex husband that was murdered in cold blood by the rampant serial killer that was on the loose. Which would be far from the truth.

His family blamed you for his murder, calling you every name in the book and berating you for ‘kicking him out of the house’ which also wasn’t the truth. Yet another lie your ex had spun to keep his pride intact, you didn’t care in all honesty. The man was gone now..killed by your hands.

But here you were walking down the dark streets of New Orleans to get back home to your loving Beau, you had heard through the grapevine he was having a rough day and hoped to cheer him up that night but as you continued to walk down the street you realized that you were being followed. But maybe not maybe it was just your paranoia, but still you felt like a waiting duck, taking a turn down an alleyway and then another hoping to lose the trail of whoever was following you. 

It wasn’t until you had gotten to a familiar part of town out near the bayou that you felt relatively calmer but then that was stomped on when you heard a yell from behind. You looked back thinking it was one of the friendly neighbors but it wasn't. It was the man from before the same one who was following you. You dropped the book you were holding and broke out into a sprint down towards where your house was, trying your best to dodge anything that could hurt you. Then a loud shot rang out and it sounded like thunder causing your body to freeze up for a second. But you continued to keep running, you just needed to get home..you could see the smoke billowing from the chimney and the soft glow of the lights inside.

Your heartbeat was banging on your chest as you ran, you were almost there..you could see Alastor inside before a loud SNAP echoed through the silent air as you fell face first into the ground. 

You scrambled to get up sobbing as you looked back to see a trap digging into your leg, its sharp teeth scraping against bone as you sat up watching as the man got closer. “Fuck fuck-” you hissed out as you started to painfully get the jaws of the trap unstuck and scrambled off ignoring how your leg was burning. You yelled out for Alastor before another loud shot echoed through the air. The constant buzzing of the cicadas had gone silent as you fell to the ground gasping for air. Oh god it hurt, your hands moved to clutch your stomach as you looked up at the man, pistol in his hand pointed right between your eyes, “You killed my brother.” He hissed out his voice breaking as you teared up and begged him to let you go.

Tears cascaded down your face as he yelled, whispering some prayer that spilled past your lips and then the night went silent. As the gun had fallen down the hammer hit the ground first causing the gun to be set off, the bullet flying into the sky of the New Orleans Bayou. You trembled laying on the ground sobbing as you brought your hands up to see blood covering them the moonlight had casted down upon you as you sobbed out. There was movement before your head was lifted up and cradled into your Husband’s chest. His familiar cologne invades your senses in a comfortable way as he shakily tries to stop the bleeding. 

“It’s going to be okay, Cher..I’ll fix you right up.” he whispered into your hair as he pressed his hand onto your stomach. You were bleeding out too much as your breathing started to slow. No no it wasn’t supposed to end like this, tears raced down his cheeks as he pulled you closer as your hand weakly grasped around his sobbing out how you didn’t want to die. But he knew he couldn’t help you, he was far too late to properly help you and it was too far to get you to a doctor. “Sing me a song, Al?” You whispered out, “One last song?” he nodded and cleared his throat, watching as the light in your eyes slowly faded as he sung your favorite song.

He stayed like that for an extra hour, holding your lifeless body to his and singing all your favorite songs before he finally had the courage to find a place to bury you properly, making sure that when the sun rose the next morning it’s first rays it sent out over the bayou would hit your grave. You always did love watching the sun rise and listening to his broadcasts.

He would meet you again, he just knew it. He just didn’t know when.

[noarawriteszr]

irene only listening to reader and being teased by it by other members by how she babies you and listens to your every command

hey hey, this was such a exciting request nonny!!

and this is my first ever request for red velvet which it's pretty nerve-wracking cause I really wanted to do a great job and I tried my best >-<

I hope you like it<3

🐻‍❄️ྀིྀི

The Only Exception

Irene x reader

The most anticipated day of the month arrived, luckily it was the girls' day off and you soon got ready to meet them at Seulgi's house, that was where the meetings normally took place and get quality time with your girlfriend and friends.

Obviously you couldn't go empty-handed, so on the way you stopped by a coffee shop and bought some drinks and appetizers that you knew that each one liked.

Humming a song or two that was in your head and before you knew it you were already in front of the building where Seulgi lived. Her excitement couldn't control, the building's security guard l As soon as he saw you, he smiled and told you that all the girls were already in the apartment, awaiting your arrival.

"Good afternoon Y/N! How are you doing? The girls are already in the house, remind them to keep the music lower please"

Poor man everytime the meeting happens he always had to reminds us to lower down our music and... voices. You keep feeling guilty but there's no much you can do if your friends and specially your girlfriend laughs like she's using a microphone. Although everytime you agree and laugh slightly saying that you will try.

Once the short interaction is over you take the elevator, the stairs weren't a bad idea either but considering you're carrying food and have a reputation for being clumsy... it's clear that the best decision it's not trust the fate.

In less than 5 minutes, arriving at the floor well known to you and from afar already listening to low music and when approaching the correct door you can distinguish that it was Yeri who was in control of the music at the time because the song that was playing is Ariana Grande's new song. That girl could listen to Ariana Grande for hours without stopping, that should count as talent. You shake your head at your own thoughts and open the door that was unlocked, being greeted with nicknames and shouts from your friends, you couldn't contain your smile and after greeting Seungwan, Seulgi, Yerim and Sooyoung in the living room you went towards the kitchen and there it was your beautiful girlfriend fixing sandwiches for everyone. Your heart definitely melts every time you see her being so domestic like that, it gives you a feeling of the future and imagining that every day you will have this view. Leaving the bags on the table, you approach and hug Joohyun from behind, instantly feeling her jump a little in fright and laugh at the scene.

"You should stop doing this, you nearly gave me a heart attack"

She lectures you lovingly, it's not like you're going to follow through and take it seriously when she wraps her arms around yours and puts her head back relaxing on your shoulder while you distribute kisses down her neck. Too soon for your liking she decides you've given her neck enough love and turns to give you a light peck on the mouth, smiling against yours when you pull her in for a real kiss.

"I missed you, my love" - Irene mumbles in your mouth between the kisses and you nod agreeing with her but before you go back for another one, you two got interrupt by a Sooyoung pretending to throw up at you two.

"Ugh, these two are being disgusting cute again! you guys saw each other yesterday, how come you still miss each other?"

"It's call "Love", Sooyoung"

Irene teases the young girl who immediately looks offended.

"Hey!!"

Irene stuck her tongue out at the youngest girl until she realizes that you're looking at her like a mother disapproving her son's attitude and stops in shame.

"She started first, babe!!" - Not the type to lose a discussion, she tries to explain her point but you crossed your arms told her that Sooyoung was younger so she shouldn't tease her.

"See? Y/N gets me" - Now it's Joy turns to laugh at Joohyun face because you damn right she was pouting when you told her she was in the wrong side.

"Not fair, I'm the oldest and not even my girlfriend protects me.."

Of course she would make a little drama for you to pick her side and Sooyoung goes back to the living room while jokingly rolling her eyes at the sight.

"Babe I do protect you but you know that trying to prove your point with Sooyoung it's quite like a impossible mission."

She still pouts and demands you to hug her as a apologize to not taking her side.

"Now now lovebirds, are you still coming to do a karaoke night or you will stay there in the kitchen hugging each other like in a cliche movie?" - Seungwan's voice so loud that you sure the entire floor heard her, and here you was thinking that today was going to be without shouting and screaming. Boy, how was that wrong.

"We're coming, okay?? I will make popcorn and then I'm coming" - You replied to her and turned to make popcorn but was stopped by Irene's hand on yours.

"I will do it, love.. Tell them that soon I will bring all the food and tell Seulgi to come here because how come there's no water in this house and only wine?"

You could only laugh at the last statement and go to the living room and finding all of them laying on Seulgi's white couch and talking.

"Took you long enough, if you didn't come sooner I would kick Kim Yerim out of choosing the song, no one can stand the same song anymore." - Of course the bicking would continue between Seungwan and Yeri while you took the place next to Seulgi.

"Where's Joohyun Unnie?"

"Oh I wanted popcorn and she told me she was going to do it so in a few minutes she will come."

For a second you thought that you said something wrong cause Sooyoung stopped dead track in choosing her song to yell at Joohyun.

"Unnie, how come you do popcorn to Y/N and not to me when I asked you to? This is unfair, you are privileging her!! When I asked for you, you told me to do it myself!" - Sooyoung jokingly pouts and complains about the treatment while you and Seulgi laugh at her whining.

"I don't even know why you still complain when everybody knows that Unnie baby treat Y/N nonstop " - Seulgi justifies the "privilege" just when Irene was bringing the food, soon after leaving the food on the table in front of the couch she lightly pushes Seulgi and Sooyoung and explains:

"She asks nicely different from you two"

"And the way "nicely" is giving you a kiss, Unnie" - Seungwan responds and Joohyun looks at her in disbelief.

"Even you, Wendy?"

"It's not wrong tho, Y/N have you wrapped around her finger." - Yeri also enter in the convo and in a matter of seconds it's 4 against 1 and successfully makes both you and Irene blush at their statement.

"Aww look at Unnie, she's soft for Y/N"

"Damn Unnie, she got you real bad"

"I thought it was impossible to make Irene Unnie turn into a blushing mess but with one word of Y/N and it's automatic. Seems like Y/N is a exception after all."

If Irene could get any red she would but truth to be told she was already looking like a tomato.

"Shut up!!"

"No way!!"

"Yes way!!"

Of course, within a matter of seconds, Yeri and Irene began to playfully argue, which seemed more like a competition of who could scream the loudest.

"Oh no, I'm going to have to pay a fine for the noise again.." - You could only hear Seulgi's sad voice next to you which made you laugh harder.

Even though Irene was a little irritated and flustered by her friends' jokes she couldn't disagree, you're the only exception.

[saltofmercury]

* waving* heelllloooo, just want to say thank you for the “ break in” series! I love König and Civilian!readers, there’s not enough non military reader stories out there so i am always hunger for more.can I put in a request? I don’t know why this idea pops into my head and not sure if Soap has a younger sister, imagine his sister had a crush on König from meeting him during military family day ( im sure theres no such event lol) or some off duty team outing. Something like..

Sister: who’s that really big guy there johnny?

Soap, knowing his sis too well : oh no you don’t.. dont go there darling

Sis: but he is so cute like a huge costco teddy bear..very huggable

All the while König overheard the who convo, flattered +embarrassed + in disbelief

Thank you! If it’s too much just ignore me its ok 😂

Pairing: König x f!reader ft. Johnny + Ghost

Summary: You tag along to Johnny's party.

A/N: Thank you @sofasoap

"The Favorite MacTavish"

“You’re still on the fastest route.”

The navigation on loop. You focused on what you could tone out Johnny with.

Looking out the window, a blur of cars turned into a blur of bricks, that in turn ended up to just dirt and then open land. Dust. You’ve been sitting as a passenger princess the entire ride there. Johnny but insisting on lecturing you about what was expected of you.

It felt more like briefing you if you were being honest.

“I’m dead serious ya hear?” Johnny had turned and pointed a finger to you.

“You got to tone it down with Ghost.” “You were off ya trolley last time, I told ya to leave the poor man alone.”

You smiled. “It wasn’t anything too bad.” 

Your mind flashed back to the last get together Johnny and his friends had. You had met the legendary “Ghost” that Johnny had worked with. A man with a skull face covering, taller and larger than any other of his teammates. A deep set British accent. (You and Johnny still argue if it’s Southern or Manchester.)

Ghost kind of bothered you that he was at a party. The man had radiated big fuck off vibes from you. It made no sense for him to be here. 

All you saw was… someone crying for attention.. Or even a little competition.

You approached Ghost with a deal, if he were to out drink you, you would shut Johnny up the entire night, and if you were to outdrink him, he would join the group for 20 minutes. 

The little game turned dangerous and it wasn’t until you had almost bested him in the tenth beer of the night that he almost tapped out. Almost beat by a MacTavish. It didn’t help that you were flirting with him a bit when he started to become sloppy, which you think became in your best interest.

One of the other teammates had lost it.

“Ghost is going to lose!”

Ghost looked loopy. Not even his skull painted covering could hide that. He ended up going to the cooler, bringing out 3 beers, chugging them one by one, and then remained in his stoic composure. It was truly a sight.

All of Johnny’s teammates never let that one go.

“Can’t believe Johnny’s little sister thought she could out drink Ghost.”

“I can’t believe she had him stuttering. Never heard the LT at a loss for words.”

“I think I like his sister more than Johnny.”

Johnny never lived it down, and never heard the end of it from Ghost.

“I actually don't know why I bothered bringing ya.” He continued.

You missed your older brother. It was hard seeing him a few times a year. With any opportunity to see him, including riding along to party with his teammates, you took. It helped that he had a soft spot for you.

“I won't make any promises, but I’ll leave Ghost alone.”

*

It wasn’t until an hour later that you had arrived. You remembered what Johnny had said. “No teasin’ Ghost.” “No trying to out drink anyone.” “Behave!”

You both walk up into a small beige house. There’s a plain white metal gate in front of it, but no live plants, just dirt. Endless dirt, dust, and rocks surrounding it, and a few other SUVs, Jeeps, and sedans.

You walk inside, right behind Johnny, mumbling in your head—

“No drinking, no ghosting.”

How annoying.

Once inside, you’re greeting everyone behind Johnny.

Gaz looks at you. “Well if it isn’t Ghost’s favorite little sister!”

You smile. “No ghosting tonight.”

Immediately looking toward Johnny, who was nodding in approval.

*

Much later when you're inside that you see him, along with a brand new set of faces that you aren’t familiar with.

There’s a lady with a small ponytail, some guy on a tablet and sunglasses on, and a guy who's got a black face mask on. This particular individual is more distant, pushed further away from everyone else. Looks big, bigger than Ghost. 

He’s not alone, he’s got some other guy next to him talking about some game he was playing on his phone.

“Steamin’ Jesus” you think to yourself. How did this massive guy end up here?

You grab a hold of Johnny,

“Johnny, who’s that over there?”

Johnny had barely taken a sip of his 3rd beer before his eyes went wide. 

“Aw Jesus Christ, no you don’t. Don’t you dare go there.” he says, grabbing a hold of your wrist. 

“Oh for fucks sake, I’m just asking who the guy is!” 

“Haud yer weesht! It's the same ol’ script with every single one of my teammates I swear to god.”

“Is he new?”

“He’s not with us.” He stops for dramatic effect. 

Whispers- “That group over there is a different team.”

Oh. 

The big guy is holding an electrolyte drink as opposed to any alcohol. He takes up the entire chair and he’s polite, nodding his head to his teammate, but quickly glancing back and forth towards you and Johnny.

“And I swear to god, you better not think of stepping over there, I’ll get Ghost to restrain you.”

You raised your eyebrows at him.

“You said no Ghostin…”

Johnny pulled you a little closer to him, then quietly (his case of quiet) says

 “Do you know what those guys do?”

“Military?”

“Christ on a bike… those there are contracted killers.”

You snort.

“Yeah fuckin' right Johnny and what do you call yourself? Saints?”

“I swear you’re so daft. Don’t go near them, stay with what you know.”

“I just want to introduce myself to them, it would be rude no?”

The guy in the mask looked harmless. He wasn’t drinking, he was among friends, he was simply waiting for someone to approach him.

*

The entire night you keep thinking of ways to get over it. You’ve got plenty of liquid courage in you now though.

“Just because he’s bigger than the rest of you, you’re intimidated.” The liquid courage was bubbling up inside you. 

“Fucking hell, would you drop it?” Johnny says

“I just want to talk to him, Johnny!”

You made your way over to him.

Johnny’s eyes looked like they could burst out of their sockets.

“Hi, how are you? You know what, you don’t seem bad at all, you just seem big, but that's ok.”

The man looked at you wide eyed, beneath his mask formed some crinkle surrounding his eyes.

“I just wanted to let you know that you don't intimidate me, but quite frankly you encourage me to give you a hug.”

He smiled now, you could see it.

“You’re like a huge teddy bear even, have you been to the states? They got a whole warehouse full of teddy bears the size of you.”

A small laugh from him and his fingers running through his hair.

“In fact, I kind of wish I had you as my own size for a teddy bear… what do you say?”

Before he could respond, you were yanked up, thrown over someone’s shoulders.

“That’ll do mini MacTavish..” A British accent. Ghost was hauling you away.

You felt dizzy, and kept your eyesight on the big man.

“I MEAN it! You are not intimidating you're just in need of a hug.”

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

What does Zuko do for Mai? She clearly puts a lot of effort into the relationship but he doesn't.

He had a lot of growing up to do before he could be in a relationship with ANY girl. Mai came through for him but he never did for her. It makes sense that he originally didn't have a love interest.

...You come into MY HOUSE to talk shit about MY BOY? And about MY SHIP? Anon, grab a sword, we're gonna fight!

Okay now, jokes aside, while Zuko has some maturing to do, so does Mai. And they'd still make mistakes even if their family lives hadn't deeply traumatized them because they're teenagers. Lots of the mistakes they've made (jealousy, poor communication, one accidentally being too aloof, etc) are stuff perfectly healthy and mature adults still make because surprise surprise, figuring out how to make things work with someone is hard, and considering their traumas and the situation they were in, they could have done A LOT worse.

Nothing either of them has done crosses the line into "Behavior that indicates this person should not be in a romantic relationship with ANYONE, at least for now." It's typical relationship stuff that either results on a permanent break-up or a temporary falling out that pushes both to get their shit together and be better for each other.

Not to mention, the root of all of Zuko's issues was the fact that he was abuse victim who was struggling to cope with his abuser being not only his own father but the absolute monarch of their nation. He got used to not being able to trust that someone's affection for him was genuine, to fear that it could suddenly be stolen away.

That he couldn't rely on anyone else because THE person that was supposed to take care of him betrayed him in such a cruel way and got away with it. That feeling entitled to things and then using whatever means to obtain it was the ONLY way to not be neglected, ignored and taken advantage of.

His abuser is gone now, but no matter how much therapy (or at least the ATLA equivalent of it) he gets, Zuko will only learn how to have healthy relationship through practical means because it's REALLY easy to be a good partner in THEORY, but things always get messy when you're dealing with the real thing.

Reality is very different from hypothetical scenarios in which you're dealing with the idea of a partner that never misunderstands you, never says things in a way that didn't realize weren't clear enough for you, never loses their temper, never takes things to heart, never fucks up, never needs a bit of space when you fuck up, never is as in the dark as you are about how to handle an unexpected issue, never gets too needy, never gets too distant - never acts like a human being.

Zuko still makes mistakes when it comes to his uncle and his friends, but no one says "That means Zuko should not have a father figure nor friends" because we saw that being alone Gives Him Very Bad Ideas. Why should romance be any different? A relative or a friend can hurt you just as much as a romantic partner can, and be just as hurt by stuff you do. It makes no sense to act like a flawed person is allowed to want a family and friends, but not a committed relationship.

As to what Mai gets out of this:

1 - Zuko loves her for who she is and canonically likes it when she expresses herself, even when what she is expressing is "Zuko, I'm done with your bullshit". For someone who has been neglected and taught over and over that her opinions don't matter, that means a lot.

2 - When Zuko changed sides, he didn't try to guilt her into leaving with him, and didn't hold it against her when it looked like she was gonna remain loyal to Azula. Compare that to her parents not giving a shit that she didn't want to move to Omashu, or to her knowing there was a possibility of her getting killed by Azula if she displeased her, and tell me in which relationship Mai feels she has the most agency.

Zuko is not a perfect boyfriend, but the simple fact that Mai isn't even slightly afraid to talk back to him when he goes too far speaks volumes on who she feels safer with and trusts to never try to coerce her into staying if she ever decides to leave.

3 - Mai and Zuko enjoy each other's company, are attracted to each other and he is as openly affectionate with her as she is with him. Even the sea-shell she didn't like and the ice-cream he accidentally dropped on her lap were just him trying to spoil her a bit - and he managed to do it in a way she'd appreciate in Nightmares and Daydreams.

He can be a jerk sometimes due to his anger issues (something he canonically was working on and wanted to move past), but he could also be a genuinely caring boyfriend.

4 - Zuko was also neglected and made to feel worthless for most of his life. They can relate to each other.

5 - Three years into his banishment, after no seeing her for a long time and unsure if he'd ever even hear from her again, he still thought of how Azula pulled a prank on them because of Mai's crush on him.

He constantly sought her out for comfort when he was back in the Fire Nation, even when she didn't really know how to handle that yet. Out of all the things he had left behind when he joined the Gaang, she was the one he openly said he'd miss. He was overjoyed when they were reunited in the finale.

Even his not at all healthy levels of jealousy are extra proof that he isn't just putting up with her like her family, he cares about her and actively WANTS her in his life, to the point of being scared that someone could "steal" her from him - and again, Mai feels more than comfortable enough to call him out when he goes too far, so it never crosses the line into "He means well, so lets excuse the bad behavior."

Mai feels wanted, safe and understood. Girl could do a lot worse.

[pissheartmybeloved]

trying something new - little drabble of writing after the cut! I don't really write so let's see 😅

"Be honest, honey, are you sat in a little puddle right now?"

He's squirming, sat on the floor where he had been instructed to after the first 15 minutes of desperate potty dancing. His boxers are damp, and he's still using both hands to grip onto himself, trying to hold back the rest of his pee as he sits in a little puddle of his own making. There's tears in his eyes as he looks up at his dom, embarrassment at not being able to hold it and that he had been too shy to say anything about his growing urge until it was too late.

Earlier, when he had been teasingly asked if he needed to go pee, he had denied it, just slightly too ashamed to admit that he needed to go after being asked so pointedly. His dom had looked him up and down as they asked, their hand over his tummy, feeling for the bulge of his overfilled bladder. Being teased at that moment had felt not worth it for the relief of going after holding it for a little while. Besides, he really hadn't needed to go that bad, he could definitely hold it until they stopped paying quite so much attention. The problem, of course, being that his dom only paid more and more attention to him as his bladder slowly began to overfill, taking his urge from pressing to urgent.

Next to his dom, he felt as the urge went from being manageable to feeling like he had an ocean inside of him, unable to focus on anything more than the need to let some of the building pressure out of his bladder. He felt his cock twitch at the thought of relieving himself, only to quickly squeeze his legs together in a futile attempt to stay dry.

Thus, he became more and more desperate, going from crossing his legs, to wiggling his hips, to snaking a hand under the blankets of the sofa to hold onto his poor cock, as the first little drip escaped him. Unable to stop it, he felt his overtired muscles relax for just a short second, felt piss seep into his boxers, leaving a warm wet spot at his tip. Unable to help it, he let out a whine at the loss of control and the sensation of the wet fabric, at which point he had been ordered to the floor. He would not be allowed to use the bathroom until he admitted he had lied about needing to go. Hence the situation he was in.

"Sweetheart, are you paying attention to me? I asked you a question."

It was a real emergency now, all dignity gone in the need to not completely piss himself whilst on the floor in front of his dom. Curled into himself, he whimpered as he grabbed onto his dick in a helpless attempt to prevent warm waves of piss gushing out. No matter what he did, he was losing control, unable to stop the continual leaks as his body betrayed him. First slow, he could feel that his muscles were slowly giving in, refusing to hold back the waves of pee inside of him, no matter how much he willed himself to just hold it in, not piss his pants. He looked up into the eyes of his dom as he felt another leak escape him, coming though his shaking fingers and adding to the small puddle growing around him.

"Sorry, I uh- I might. Be. In a puddle. A little bit."

"Only a little bit, huh? And would you like to continue wetting yourself on the ground, or would you like to apologise for lying, and earn my permission to use the bathroom?"

He just couldn't. Couldn't admit that he had been too shy to say anything, and had let it get to the point where he was slowly wetting himself on their living room floor, unable to even get to a better part of the house.

"I'm sorry for lying, I'm sorry, can I please go? Please? I'm desperate, I can't hold it much longer-"

At this, he felt his lower body spasm as a long jet of pee gushed out of him, enough for him to let out a little cry of humiliation as he continued to lose control. This was it, he wasn't going to make it in time, he was going to have an accident and be unable to stop. What little control he had left was leaving him.

'"Honey, if I gave you permission to pee right now, do you really think you'd be able to make it to the bathroom in time?"

Whining, he just shook his head - he couldn't stand up right now without letting go, let alone walk. To his growing horror, his leaks were getting closer and closer together - first giving him time to feel the shame of his actions, and then becoming more of a constant stream of pee into his wet clothes as the puddle beneath him grew and grew. Admitting that he couldn't make it to the bathroom, that he was going to pee on the ground, and that it was an emergency so could his dom perhaps get a towel or something so he made less of a mess was awful. He stuttered his way through the begging, in the vague hope that his dom would be kind enough to let him mitigate the inevitable accident.

It was just then that he realised they wouldn't even have time for that, and that he was finally, finally at his limit. Gasping, he felt it as his body gave up - felt the floodgates open as he began to truly release. His mind clouded over with nothing but pure relief and he couldn't help but moan as he finally got the release he had been trying to prevent for so long. He couldn't even feel shame whilst he pissed full force, unable to process anything further than the perfect feeling of letting go after so long.

fin.

[patcaps]

you can read my other thoughts on the finale here so i’m not gonna just say all the same things again but

the ending was always gonna be divisive with people loving it or hating it, liking it but wishing some things were a bit different. it’s the ending of a beloved show and nobody is ever gonna agree on what the right ending would be. it sucks to have folks outright rejecting it but it also sucks to see people like “you are wrong for having any criticisms whatsoever” like, i’m all for being able to discuss aspects of media and what we liked and didn’t like. it’s not always a bad faith interpretation, or cynicism, or being poor at understanding the writing and intention. and i love meta and analysis that doesn’t completely pick apart something and refuse it any grace or leniency. i think sometimes we’re way too hard on stuff that is ultimately heartfelt and from a place of love and joy, and unraveling them dampens the magic.

anyway. that aside. i love this show so much. there are things i’d have done differently, pacing choices that made it fall flat in places, but it’s not my show and these guys know their characters and love them as much as we do. and the ghosts and mike and alison never stopped being family - which is, ultimately, the biggest thing that matters. not the house, not where they are, but how they’ve helped each other for the better. alison and mike spent their entire lives making sure the ghosts were never forgotten, always went back to catch up. they got to enjoy all the fun and love of visiting family without the stress of living under each other’s feet 24/7 - and relationships with family often improve tenfold with that breathing space.

the show ended where it started with the plans to turn it into a hotel, but this time instead of the ghosts panicking and being like “drive her out, kill her” they loved alison enough to take all of that change on, safe in the knowledge that alison would never ever just abandon them. that’s such a neat way of showing how they’ve all helped each other. like, robin’s seen that house and the houses and land before it change so much but he felt so good about this change, literally said he felt christmassy finally, because they could do this. for her. for their friend, their family member, their alison.

they existed before alison and they’ll exist after her, but in the meantime they get to enjoy being her family and also know they’ve given them a more stable, secure, less stressful living arrangement that works for them all. they aren’t fully dependent on alison anymore and alison was no longer fearful of leaving and losing them because she knew they’d still be her family no matter what. i’ve seen some people interpret this as “they’re saying having a baby meant her found family weren’t important anymore, they have to go be a traditional family alone” and that was my kneejerk response too, but then i sat with it. and actually, alison goes from being a (presumed) orphan with no family besides mike and his side, to having all of that plus the ghosts, people who love her and always welcome her back to visit whenever she wants. how lovely for her to have her very own family she can go and see, who did such a kind thing for her, however bittersweet a decision it was initially.

and yeah, it’s true that the ghosts have less of alison there to take care of things like personalised entertainment, but that’s the whole point of them leaving - alison wasn’t in a position where she could worry about entertaining them all the time whilst also being with her husband and raising a newborn. it wasn’t fair to keep asking her to run around after a houseful of ghosts when looking after yourself and a small child is hard enough. she could have stayed and ended up resenting them, getting frustrated and angry the way they did with mike’s mum, potentially souring that relationship with the ghosts. instead she moved out and gets to go back and see them and love and enjoy them fully without that responsibility 24/7. i’m sure she took them new things, gifts, let them watch tv and read books, i bet they had requests for whenever she visited which she was more than happy to supply. and i bet they always had new anecdotes and things to catch her up on.

the more time i have, the more i warm to it all. it’s easy to say “they should have stayed together at the house” but this show is about being human, about life and death, how existence is both cruel and kind and beautiful and unexpected and it changes you and you change it. they did stay together, just not under the same roof. home is more than just button house, more than just a dream because dreams change as we go, and belonging is about more than just a destination. alison found home and belonging in the ghosts, and they found it in her too. the rest is just bricks and mortar.

[hkpika07]

The Spencer Post

Hi this is where I explain my observed nuances with Spencer and how I personally characterize him. Explaining why I think he acts the way he does. Please note that like 90 percent of this is headcanon.

Let’s get some backstory on Spencer. His job is to be the personal private engine of the Duke and Duchess of Boxford. This is a very prestigious job, one unsurprising of his class of engine. Being a Gresly and being implied siblings with the real life engine Mallard, he has a lot of expectations and responsibilities put on his buffers. On top of that, let me remind you he is a private engine. Not only does he carry the weight of expected perfection as the other greslys, he has to look good and be the status symbol for the Duke and Duchess. He has. So much to keep on top of, to keep track of and remember. He arguably might have more expectations placed on him than Gordon or Scotsman.

Not only that but Spencer is very….alone. He doesn’t fit in anywhere on account of his position. He’s not really a mainland engine because he’s not always on the mainland. He’s not a Sodor engine because he doesn’t live on Sodor, he lives with the Duke and Duchess presumably at their main house somewhere else. He’s a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit into either picture.

But how does this affect how he acts? Why does he act like such an asshole? Well, the answer is a bit more complex than you might think. As we all know, steam engines are always at a risk of being scrapped. The exception being Sodor because Sodor is a steam sanctuary. But on the mainland it’s a different story. If engines on the mainland are at risk for being scrapped for not being useful enough, what’s to stop them from sabotaging each other in order to get a leg up on them. To make their competition look bad just so they can live another day. On the mainland its every man for himself. And if you want to survive, you take out the weakest.

And Spencer, poor poor Spencer, already burdening the weight of perfection on his shoulders and his status as an outcast fueling his desperate need for validation and need to fit in. Lets the mainland engines’ way of thinking pollute his brain. This idea of needing to take out those below you, less useful and who are a threat, infects his mind and influences his actions. He thinks he needs to get rid of those underneath him so he can continue to survive, to not jeopardize his position as private engine.

And he takes this way of thinking to Sodor. He harasses Edward and says he should be scrapped before losing to him in a race. He hunts down Hiro because he thinks he’s a piece of rusted scrap metal and nothing more. He becomes rotten. Vindictive. Vitriolic.

But…. He gets better. He gets lectured pretty harshly by the Duke and Duchess for his hunt on Hiro. And he spends more time on Sodor. And once again, he’s influenced. Because at heart, Spencer is a people pleaser. And this fact is important.

Because Spencer’s personality and morals seem to fluctuate wildly throughout the show. Sometimes he’s a great guy, if a bit snobbish, and in others he’s quite possibly the biggest asshole ever known. And here’s why I think that is. Spencer pingpongs between Sodor and the mainland. Thus his personality is influenced by whoever he is around. And to be frank, the mainland engines are massive pricks, and would 100% tell Spencer he’s too soft or insane for letting a “useless hunk of scrap iron” live. For not falling into the every man for himself mentality. And so every time he returns to Sodor he’s been conditioned to think that way because he molds into whatever people tell him to be.

And on Sodor he molds into a better person. I think that later on in the series where his personality is more solid and less horribly inconsistent, he genuinely comes into his own with the help of the Sodor engines. Knowing that he always has a place on Sodor and grows out of the mainland mindset for good

He learns. He grows. Yes he fucked up bad but he was heavily misguided and insecure about not only fitting in, but also being perfect. His mind was poisoned but it got clearer. He finally made friends and has a place he can say he belongs to.

I love Spencer, I only want the best for him.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

hello dear! i really like your works and i really love reading your writing but i'm shy to make requests but after reading comfort works i finally got the courage to ask for something....

so can i order the S4 from the prompt list? with fuegoleon, nozel and yami

SSHSHHSJJ I can't hahaha ho God I'm embarrassed sorry it's just my first time asking and English is not my native language...well I guess that's how it is _ ho Aaaaaa say hi to your fans here in Brazil :)

✨️💙✨️💛✨️💚✨️

Hello love~! ^^

I'm super, super happy to hear that you like my works!! And I'm delighted that you found the courage to make a request! ^^ No need to apologize though, English isn't my native language either, so I get it. It can definitely be nerve-wrecking, but you'll learn by using the language. Also: HIYA~!! ^^

Oh some hurt-comfort my beloved~

I have written this for Yami in the past and you can find it from here, so I shall include Fue and Nozel under the cut ^^

Prompt: Them thinking their s/o died in battle, but in fact didn't Genre: Hurt-comfort Pairings: Fuegoleon x gn!reder, Nozel x gn!reader Fanfic type: Oneshots Warnings: angst in the beginning, fear of s/o having died, mentions of injuries, the men being worried, sad and relieved, but there's comfort in the end Total length: ~1.7k

Fuegoleon

Fuegoleon Vermillion. He was the first born son of the House Vermillion; coming from a line of capable combat mages, and as such, he was praised for it. He was celebrated for it. And it was the stead that he knew for himself. A life where he had accepted that he might lose his life in battle, because that was a fact. Many combat mages fell in the line of duty. But he had simply supposed that it was the life he lived with the role he held.

A wrong decision could mean the difference between life and death. It was self-evident to him. And it was something of which he reminded his knights regularly. Because it was a rule of the life they lived.

And yet… he had never applied that rule to you. Because surely you wouldn’t. You were smart enough, capable enough… lucky enough to avoid it. Since sometimes you needed a little bit of luck to come unscathed from a battle.

Yes… in his subconscious mind he had simply accepted that no harm would befall on you, not if he did his job as a captain well.

Nothing bad would happen to you.

Surely.

So… on that one, faithful day, when one of his knights ran to him, bringing word from a mission, he thought it to be a poor joke at first. The first few seconds that ticked in the air.

‘Lifeless’, had been the word used.

Life… less…

Less  of… life… But there was still the word ‘life’ in it… So… So…

Incomprehensible. The word seemed… incomprehensible to him. Though he knew the definition of it, but it just… didn’t… make sense.

He was sure his mana flared up. It must have.

Because the windows shattered.

His office was… yes, there was glass everywhere.

But he was already out of the door.

The headquarters.

He didn’t think he had ever flown with such speed before, but still he thought Salamander to be too slow.

Why did it need to be so slow? He would have thought the spirit to be… faster than that? But he supposed that he had been delusional.

He supposed.

The medics yelled something as he raced through the infirmary. But he couldn’t hear them.

Just more nonsense.

Nonsense. All of it. Just gibberish.

---

You opened your eyes to see … a ceiling.

There was a dull pain to your side, one that seemed to course through all your body from that one point onwards. And it was as if all strength had seeped out of you, into the mattress, or maybe the thin air around you.

It was difficult to tell. Not that it mattered.

Your eyes turned down from the white ceiling, and started circling around the room. But before you managed to do more than take a deep breath, there was a sound, a voice calling out to you.

“My love?”

You knew that voice. You knew that gentle, tender touch that took a hold of your hand.

And as your eyes met with his, gazing into the sea of purple that wasn’t quite royal purple and not quite lavender, you saw nothing but sorrow. An ocean of worry.

There was a hint of red lining the white of his eyes… and it wasn’t the red markings. You were quite convinced of it.

“Hey…” you managed with a dry whisper. It felt as if your throat was lined with sandpaper.

But. You were there.

“I… worried for you,” he admitted, but there was depth in those syllables that spoke of so much more than mere worry.

They spoke of terror, something you didn’t think his tone of voice could manage. His voice had never seemed the type to know such an emotion, and yet… there it was.

“I’m still here,” you told him with that same, quiet, raspy voice, and gave him a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. You didn’t know what else to do, not in that moment.

There would be a time to go through the events of that mission, but it’d come later. For now, it was just about being there. That you were still there.

But the way he held onto your hand, with pale knuckles, told you of how much he dreaded to let go. A sense of fear, that if he let go, you wouldn’t come back to him. It was as if, he feared that the secure hold he had of you, was the one lifeline still keeping you there, with him.

In a way, it seemed silly, but in a lot of other way, it was so, so touching and heartfelt.

And who could blame him?

“I love you,” you told him.

And the way he drew in air to his lungs, as if to gather himself, so that his relief wouldn’t roll down his cheeks, already told you what words he’d utter as a reply, before they left his lips.

“I love you too.”

Nozel

Nozel Silva. He was a man who had lost a lot during his life, despite being royalty. Despite being fortunate and privileged in many, other, ways. But it was meaningless compared to what he lacked. What he had lost. Which was why he didn’t want to lose anyone dear to him ever again.

It was the one fear he held in his heart. That he would fail to keep his loved ones safe. That they would die, and he’d be, again, helpless in the face of death to do anything. Despite having grown older and stronger.

Despite having followed in the footsteps of his mother, and becoming a captain of the Silver Eagles.

It was a very real fear to him; that he might lose again. But he didn’t think it to be right, not since learning, not since knowing better, that he had the right to deny you from living the life you wanted and working as a knight. In a way it was a way of keeping you close as well. Because he could be there, nearby, most of the time. Though as time passed, he convinced himself that he was being foolish. That he was overthinking it. That he was being unreasonably worried.

But then, as he was overseeing a training session, he could see from the corner of his eye one of his subordinates that he had sent with you onto a mission.

And he was shaking. Shivering.

Something had gone wrong. But nothing had quite prepared him for what the knight managed to mumble, spit out after a long, stern scowl.

It hadn’t simply been a mission gone wrong.

Not ‘just’ wrong…

Though he couldn’t think of a word in that moment that would have been worse than wrong; more chilling than horrid. A lot of words… he had a lot of worse, none of which quite sufficed.

“…What?” Had been the only question, only word leaving him. And the tone, was deeper than any winter frost they had known in Clover. Harsher than the weather of the mountains between Clover and Spade. The chill of it… he could feel it laying down a layer of frost over even his own very bones.

He took a hold of the knight by the collar, but he barely realized it.

There was something about an infirmary, and how ‘they’ were trying everything.

He didn’t need anything else.

He only needed the statement of ‘they are trying’.

And though Nozel knew that his eagle was fast, it could never be fast enough.

Even if he didn’t know what to do when he got there. He simply knew that he needed to be there.

He had to. He had to. Hehadto. Hadtohadtohadto HAD TO-, be there.

Be there…

Only to be told not to look.

‘Don’t look’.

But he needed to see, so that he might know, for himself, what would happen.

---

The room… was quiet. Or then it just seemed quiet, and your ears didn’t register whatever sounds existed around you.

Perhaps it was the latter, since there was also a spinning sensation in your head. Light headed. And you ached all over. But you could feel all your limbs… that was good. Positive.

So, you moved your hand to your forehead, even if it hurt. Even if it made you wince in pain.

“Darling?”

There was a sense of urgency in the tone. But it was wrapped in a veil of taffeta, of concern and tender emotions that he held for you, which shone through the layers and layers of worry. It couldn’t be anything else but worry, that tone.

You turned your head to see Nozel sitting in the corner of the room.

There were bags under his eyes, and his hair … it was a mess. Strands of silver poked out from here and there. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all, and how he probably hadn’t eaten a single bite ever since you wound up where you were. Which made your heart clench in a different kind of a way.

“Mhm?” You hummed as he hurried from the chair he was in, to you.

“How are you?”

Again that tone; tone which was soft, urgent and filled with the sorrow’s of his heart.

“I feel like I was… ran over by… something,” you admitted. Because that was how you really felt.

He crouched by the bed, with his lips parted, as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t quite know how. As if he didn’t really know what to say. And perhaps he didn’t. He did and he didn’t. It was all a big jumble of words, of thoughts in his head.

“I… worried,” he said with a whisper.

And you… couldn’t help but look at him, because… he doesn’t-, say things like that. He shows that he cares, but he doesn’t… say it.

He never says it.

Only that he did.

He said it.

He said that he worried for you. You could see it from him yes, but to hear it, it just-, made your heart skip a beat and it… It just made you more certain about how you loved him and how he loved you.

He might have been a man who wasn’t good with words, but sometimes he said the most perfect things. And when he said it, he meant it.

[f0point5]

whenever i hear about ocon's parents selling their house and living in a caravan (iirc) i just feel so bad for him. it really reminds me of all those traumatised child actors whose parents quit their job because the child can now be the breadwinner. obvs it's two complete opposite sides of the spectrum but both are such unfair sitautions to be put in as a child! esteban needing to succeed because otherwise his family would be broke forever?? (also i know that these decisions are often mentioned in a heart warming "oh look at how much my parents sacrificed for my dream" -way, but i find it so hard to look at it from a positive light. i'm sure they did it all out of love but i just can't imagine putting your child in such a tough position and putting that much pressure on them. i guess i just lack that top performance athlete mentality lol.) not to mention that most of these racing children hardly have a plan b career plan since they usually drop out of school. so now you have a kid who single handedly has to save the family from financial ruin AND has no safety net or plan b whatsoever. that's just insane and it's no wonder esteban is like that. he really has the ultimate rags to riches back story but his history gave him such a massive chip on his shoulder that he's just become unlikeable, which sucks!!! wish someone would grab his shoulders and shake him around a little and say: estieee!! youve made it!! stop driving like losing would full on kill you and just focus on getting the best out of the car and be the best you can be!! you'd think that someone with his backstory would be the last person who'd need to be humbled, but fucking hell he acts so smug and can be so delusional it's exhausting.

anyyyyways, apologies for dropping a full essay in your askbox, i don't even care about esteban lmao. it's just that whenever i do happen to think about him i just get so frustrated 🤷🏼‍♀️😬

have a lovely evening!! 💞

This.

I remember reading that once when I didn’t know too much about him and thinking, okay that’s a bit extreme. And then I thought about how much pressure that must have put on him. Pressure to succeed, but also just pressure in terms of that being not an ideal quality of life for a teenage boy. His parents made his life exponentially harder in every single way to support his hobby in the hopes that he could turn it into a career to support them. And then I thought about the fact that if he hadn’t been that 0.00001% that makes it, how much harder his life would have got, and how much guilt he would have lived with. They set him up to live with constant insecurity and instability, and to shoulder the burden of making that all worth it for them. Who does that to their child? I don’t care how talented you think they are, betting you’re financial security on that is imbecile behaviour. Even Esteban said if he were in his parents’ position he wouldn’t do it. Poor guy knows what it does to child.

It’s exactly like moving your kids to LA to be the breadwinner, except it’s worse because the amount of kids able to support a family on acting work is probably 10,000 times the the amount of drivers making enough money to support a family from driving alone. Statistically, there was a 0% chance that that gamble would pay off for them but they did it anyway. That’s worse odds than a slot machine. And they bet the house their son was living in?! Ew. Just ew.

And yeah, people say “look what my parents sacrificed for my dream” with affection when that dream has come true. But what would have happened if he hadn’t made it. “Look what my parents destroyed because they bet my future and theirs on my childhood hobby”. What in the damn hell. These stories are not in any way endearing to me - they’re just examples of narcissistic and irresponsible parenting.

And now I’ve just seen clips of a podcast he did talking about his childhood and I was almost tearing up for him. How he and his dad used to take tyres from the other kids’ karts out of the bins and reuse them because he didn’t have enough sets over a weekend, and how he didn’t go to birthday parties or on holiday because it was all focused on his racing. That’s a CHILD. And he was talking about how he and his dad would see Max and Jos and how everyone was intimidated by them but he and his dad weren’t…because they had literally bet their shirts on his career and couldn’t afford to be scared. That. Is. A. Child. What if he woke up one day and didn’t want to do it anymore? What if he wanted a life beyond what his parents chose for him by putting their lives on the line? Would he have been allowed to? I mean. No bloody words.

Again, anyone who says Jos is a problem father better be coming for the Ocons (and Anthony Hamilton).

The way he is is so clearly connected to the fact that he lived his whole life in survival mode. That guy moves through the world like the last meal he had was one he had to fight for in an abandoned warehouse. And fair enough it got him where he needed to go, but once you’ve made it, It’s the most unpalatable energy to be around, and it no longer serves you. And it also makes you look like an ass because how can you be a whole f1 driver and stink of desperation. Logically it’s clear why but it’s still just not a likeable combination. He probably knows that, but doesn’t know any other way to be. That’s why he has such an issue with teammates - he can’t not fight for things because he’s always scared someone is going to take something from him. He’s like a stray dog that you take in and they hide food in their bed because they think you might not ever feed them again.

I really hope he’s getting some therapy because the childhood is trauma-ing out in the open.

I think of everyone on the grid he’s the one I feel most sorry for, because of all the backstories that you hear, he seems the most unhealed.

But the levels of delulu is something else. That f3 season where he beat Max (racing for a top team while Max was in one that I don’t think had even won a race until Max won 10 in one season) really got him thinking they were on a level and he hasn’t let go of it since. He’s like “oh I look at it like I’ve never had the opportunity to go against Max because we’ve always been in different leagues of car”…as if there’s not a REASON. You’re out here like “he’s in a red bull” well why aren’t you? By your own admission you were on the same f3 track…helmut wasn’t looking for you bro.

Hope you don’t mind my essay back lol. I’m low-key obsessed with him because I find him so annoying but at the same time he’s like literary gold dust. He has such Main Character backstory. It’s just a pity he comes across so unlikeable to me. And the thing is, I genuinely think underneath it all he is a sweet person (delulu still, but sweet), but it just comes secondary to his survival mode personality.

[trickstarbrave]

I have been consuming too many cdramas I just came up with a plot for one

Mc met and ended up becoming the wife to a rich ceo and fell in love with him. Their ceremony was very subdued despite how wealthy he was. Yet the in laws were always nice to her except for a few aunts and cousins who hated her. She wasn’t dirt poor but wasn’t as wealthy as him. She was surprised his immediate family even liked her at all.

He insisted they use contraception. She agreed. She loved him but at first he was very distant to her. Slowly he began to warm up to her and was kind to her, treating her well. She didn’t like feeling like she was freeloading though so she tried to find work. He got her a job as his assistant early on and told her they wouldn’t be open about being husband and wife and keep it strictly professional at work. She agreed. She figured at first this was a marriage out of obligation because his parents and grandparents made him marry her, so she wasn’t bothered by it.

A few years pass though and she’s now very in love with him but assumes he only started treating her better because his family made him. Then he started having sec with her because he was stressed from work. She saw how stressed he was from work after all bad then at work he was always in a better mood because of this. She didn’t knew w if he would ever divorce her, but thought he might some day.

Then his first love who left him years ago comes back. It turns out she left without saying anything because she got very ill and was afraid she might die on him and didn’t want to put that on him. She was content to die quietly overseas but her family made her get treatment and she is more stable but doesn’t have very long to live.

His family dotes on her excessively. Mc realizes now they might have treated her nicely, but it was nothing to the love and adoration given to his first love by his family. They used to say it was despicable she left their son, but now they’ve completely changed their tune and forgiven her so quick. She told herself “maybe it’s just because she’s sick? They used to play together often as children and now a child they think of as their own is sick.” Then it’s revealed in order to save her life her family spent most of their fortune on her medical treatment including experimental treatments. But it still wasn’t enough to fully help her. She uses a wheelchair most days.

Mc however then overhears the first love say “it’s so despicable how mc acted like a simple assistant when I met him at his office. Then I come to family dinner and it’s revealed she’s his wife! Completely shameless. While I was fighting for my life his parents married him off just to make sure he had a wife to deal with his home life yet she gets a job as his assistant! Acting bold to spend as much time with him at work as possible. He doesn’t even care for her, I’ve seen how cold he is to her at the office! He only acts nice at his parents house because his family values a peaceful home life. Yet she still doesn’t know her place!” To one of his aunts.

The aunt chimes in “I know, my sister doesn’t even like her truth be told. Whenever we’re at my house or out together she always badmouths her but says they must keep the peace. I bet she doesn’t even know her daughter in law neglects the home and being a wife to pretend to be a single woman in an office! Maybe she’s having an affair at work and her husband doesn’t know because he’s so busy with actual work? It’s not like he’d want to pay attention to that kind of plain woman anyways.”

“Don’t worry, he said he would divorce her for me when I asked. He will still do anything to make me happy. And would his parents really say no to a sickly woman they already treat as their own daughter? Even if they value a peaceful home life and dislike divorce, the public doesn’t even know he’s married and I am worth more than her. They won’t lose face.”

Mc feels horrible. She holds back her tears and feigns illness saying she didn’t feel well. Husband says he’ll take her home right away but she says “your friend is sickly and came here to share a meal with you and your parents, how could you possibly leave? If my best friend were in this position and you got sick, you wouldn’t have let me leave with you, would you?”

He relents, looking worried. She thinks to herself that he is either very good at acting. She used to think he was good to her because as he came to care for her, at least on some level. But if he cared for her, why would he not tell her something like this first at least? He promised his beloved he would divorce his wife for her within a week if her coming back into his life without even talking to his wife about it.

Then again, the mc starts to get anxious, wondering if she believed that entirely. Maybe he wasn’t acting and genuinely cared about her. It seemed like the childhood friend/ex was talking with an aunt who hated her, perhaps the ex gf was two faced and looked town on her background like the aunt did and was spinning tales. Maybe they hoped she would overhear and misunderstand so she would file for divorce first or start fighting them and look like the one who started it? Surely that wouldn’t be above the ex gf who already shown she was two faced. Or maybe, for extra drama, the ex gf had agreed to help out the husband’s family and tricked her into getting the aunt to confess. After all, her MIL suspected her sister wasn’t kind to the mc but the mc always told her that wasn’t the case, her aunt in law was just a bit awkward but to not misunderstand her as she was still always polite and tried to be good to her just like her MIL.

She didn’t know. But she decided to keep an eye out. At home he texted his ex gf often and smiled at her messages. She tried not to snoop, it was just what she saw. He always talked to her on the phone a lot, and when she needed to go to the hospital for more treatment. Ex gf came to the office often and there were already gossip magazines saying they got back together. And then while she was at work she went into his office to drop something off while he was at a business meeting out of the building and saw plain as day a divorce agreement draft sprawled across his desk.

Mc was upset. She goes to her own office and around half an hour later, ex gf comes in with her bitchy cousin. Ex gf sees her crying, and says she will keep this short since he must have told her what happened already. Mc is frozen. Her tone is very harsh and venomous. “Your husband only married you because your father saved his parents’ lives once. Before he died, your father made them promise to return the favor by making you their daughter in law and take care of you for him. Then they could die in peace.”

She was shocked. She lost her mother when she was younger, but to make up for her her father constantly doted on her. He never remarried because he loved his wife too much and worried about his daughter too. He always said his heart was already full since her mother and her were the most important women to him and gave him enough love and happiness to last a dozen lifetimes. He died a few years ago, shortly before she was asked to marry her husband in an arranged marriage proposed by his parents who claimed they wanted a mild mannered woman to be their son’s wife. He told her in private they wanted a daughter in law from humble origins who had parents that would try to take over their business or demand a merger. She understood, but wanted stability after her father died especially since her father died in debt, something he carried to the grave no one else but her knew, and she only knew bc she took over his estate. She said she would marry him. They gave her a generous wedding gift that was all her own as a large sum of money. She paid off the debts. Saved interest on the rest. She said she might need it later if he divorced her one day.

And it seemed like that day had come.

She was distraught tho to find out his parents were only nice to her out of obligation. He only pretended to like her likely for the same. They probably told him it later to try and get them to be civil. He could have told her, but instead he told his first love, his ex girlfriend, all of it.

“But they’ve agreed they’ve paid their debt enough. You were given money, and allowed to live as their daughter in law for several long years. And in the end, they want me to have the position of his wife, saying I needed it more than you. To top it off, they don’t even know you work here, but you have work experience as his assistant you can use to get a job just about anywhere!”

The mc was so upset. Even though her father was their savior, who asked only for them to take care of his daughter with his dying breath, they decided a few years of marriage and some money repaid the favor. He saved two lives and asked for them to take care of his daughter who was orphaned at 21, yet they felt a few years made up for it? Or perhaps they would later joke in private that few years around her felt like enough for two lifetimes? But it was not like she could fight it. Nor did she want to stay married to a man who pretended to like her just to have sex with her. Especially not around his family that were also fake. She would have preferred they all acted distant or were upfront about it.

“Sign the divorce papers when he gives them to you. Don’t drag it out thinking they will support you because they actually like you.”

With that she and her cousin leave.

Mc cries more. Then she cleans up, finished her makeup, and pretends it didn’t happen. She doesn’t want to stay married to him. She is thankful the ex came her to tell her that bc honestly it will make it easier.

She’s distant for a while. Her husband asks what’s wrong.

She asks him if her father asked his parents to have them marry because he saved their lives. He’s stunned and quiet before asking very seriously who told her. She says her mother in law got drunk at a friend’s event and drunkenly told the mc. Instead the mil was babbling abt how good her son was and saying she hoped he was good to her and always a perfect gentleman at home before she started talking about how he was when he was younger. He winces, knowing his mother did like to babble while drunk and just have told her by mistake. He apologizes, but they thought telling her so soon to her dad’s passing might have hurt her more. Her father cared about her and wouldn’t want to burden her with the knowledge he found a way to take care of her for the rest of his life while he was dying. It would have hurt her, but also she would be touched and wouldn’t be a burden on them by trying to act close. Instead they decided to lie to her, she doesn’t say this though, she just starts crying and he comforts her. 

He tells her her father saw they crashed their car and stopped to help them, called an ambulance, and waited by their sides doing first aid. He didn’t know who they were even but he tirelessly worked to help them. He even went to the hospital and paid their medical bills and didn’t leave their sides until he knew they were safe. They wanted to return the favor with money but he turned them down, saying he didn’t do it because he wanted something. She cries harder. Her mother died in a car accident and he wishes someone found her sooner to save her. He would feel obligated to save strangers so no one would go through what he did. Then she steps away, saying she wants some space. He relents.

Then, only a few days later, despite her being withdrawn he knows he can’t delay. He has to divorce her quickly. His ex is sickly and has a risky medical procedure soon that will potentially kill her. It’s a very low percent chance of success. It was always her dream to marry him. Even if she does survive it’s only going to make her life slightly longer, three years at most. She at least wanted to spend her little time on earth getting to be his legal wife.

His parents agreed he would remarry his wife afterwards. He would promise her they would have an even more lavish wedding. She would be his public wife after his ex passed away. This was just showing a dying woman a kindness and she would understand. He wouldn’t even sleep with his new wife under threat his parents would not allow him to remarry and and his ex had agreed.

He tells her they need to talk, pulling out divorce papers. She doesn’t look surprised, and tells him she already knows. He looks at her surprised instead, asking if his drunk mother told her that too. She smiles sadly and says yes. He says no wonder she’s been withdrawn, she knew all along while he worried how he would tell her. He asks if she knows everything. She says yes. There’s silence that follows

He tells her she’s allowed to be mad at him. But says “If you accept it, I promise you, the next wedding will be lavish.” She doesn’t respond. She wonders if he’s seriously going to invite his ex wife who he had a subdued ceremony with to his new wife’s lavish wedding. She slowly nods her head, unable to meet his eyes. He hugs her gently and she doesn’t reciprocate much. Knowing this was awkward, he leaves, thinking she must be angry at him but not so angry she wouldn’t agree to remarry him. She must just be hurting and she was someone who didn’t like to show weakness in front of others, even when she was hurting and it was with someone she loved. He would give her space for now, she can ask for more comfort and reassurances later.

They visit his parents. He tells them he asked her. They look at her sadly and go “don’t worry dear, she’s just sickly. That’s the onlv reason we’re doing it. She might not have much time left.” “Think of this not as an ending but a new beginning. It will hurt at first, but everything will fall back into place.” They were always so good at comforting her and saying what she needed to hear, even when she didn’t show them she was hurting very much and didn’t like bothering them. But it was just fake. Perhaps it was easier to guess what she wanted to hear than she thought.

She said she understood. His childhood friend was sickly. Like they said, she didn’t have much time left. Silently she tells her father not to be angry with them and consider it not them forsaking their promise but instead helping fulfill another dying person’s wish. She was sickly, while the mc wasn’t. They still promised she could visit whenever she wanted though she didn’t believe them.

She looks over the divorce agreement only a little. She doesn’t care about the terms and she can guess what they are. She looks at how much money they want to give her, and it’s more than she ever thought it would be. It was more than generous. She had no idea they were in that much of a rush. She could live well for the rest of her life without working. Not in luxury, but it would be enough for an apartment, food, and medical expenses, but also includes in it a nice luxury apartment. He told her she could negotiate it as she saw fit, and she wondered if he thought she would want to take even more money from him because she was greedy. Regardless, he’d pay her as much as necessary to get her away from him so he could marry his beloved.

She signs the agreement. She doesn’t need anything more than that. She won’t bother him ever again. After it begins processing, he proposes to his ex. The media goes wild.

She tried to stay in her job even while they were getting divorced, but seeing this his new fiancée begins harassing her, telling her even if he agreed no one wants to work with their ex wife. Is she planning to try and seduce him? He doesn’t want her anyways. She said no, it’s not like that, but his fiancée threatens to fling herself down the stairs if she doesn’t resign and no one will ever believe her if she says otherwise bc she’s a loving, sickly young lady to everyone else. They’ll think the mc tried to kill her. She is scared now. This woman isn’t just mean, she’s crazy.

She says she agrees. Fiancée tells her good and to hurry up. She writes a resignation letter and leaves. Her boss/ex calls her asking what this was and knowing he wouldn’t believe his beloved could do that, she lies and says it was too much to see him every day and she wanted to travel anyways. He is quiet, and says “is that really what you want to do? If you leave it will be difficult to come back.” She agrees. She doesnt care if he’d refuse her a job.

She makes a new account at a new bank they can’t snoop on and begins transferring money over. She thought they could remain cordial but his first love his crazy and she wants to completely avoid him from now on and make sure they had nothing to do with each other.

Then she starts getting harassing messages at her place. Then starts being followed. One message tells her vaguely “resigning wasn’t enough, leave this place!” She gets a new apartment on lease. It continues.

She knows his new wife is harassing her. She hasn’t contacted him since and blocked him on everything. She didn’t even get a wedding invite like he “promised” so it seemed like he didn’t even want to rub her face in it anymore. Why did his new wife care? She even changed her name and moved to a new city. Then her window was smashed open, with another threatening letter left that she should die. She realized this woman wouldn’t stop until she died. So she decided to fake her death, obviously. The people had been hacking her friends’ emails and phones to spy on her conversations. She decided to tell her best friend her plan in person while dressing up like she was depressed and trying to hide. Her best friend agreed, and also slowly informed her friends of the plan by going from person to person, just to her close friends in a way that wasn’t suspicious. They were all usually very social and visited often, the mc had been the one that was distant.

They all messaged her concerned in a way that was staggered. Saying she didn’t go to the last function. Or inviting her knowing she wouldn’t accept and then asking if something was wrong because she didn’t normally avoid get together like this. She continues to be silent while one friend got her a place to stay. She then sneaks out and fakes taking her life. Sent a message to her best friend saying she couldn’t do this anymore and to forgive her. She hides someplace obscure in an apartment. She’s changed bank accounts multiple times. She changes her name once more. She abandoned her old place. The new wife finally feels like she won as the best friend tells the others what happened. They pretend to look for her before giving up and crying together and holding a small vigil. They ask if they should invite her ex husband in the messages and her best friend says not to bother, he wouldn’t care either way.

She decides to live her life in hiding. She sees a cosmetic surgeon to remove the moles on her body. She lost weight from the stress and looks a bit gaunt but uses makeup to change her features subtly as well and keeps her hair dyed. Eventually she returns to the country under a false identity, even with sort of fake parents: people on her travels moving from place to place who lived in a village and lost their daughter. She got feverish and lost hey took care of her not asking for anything in return because she looked a bit like their daughter. She said she would repay them anyways as she lost both her parents and she would send them money and consider them as her new new parents if they’d accept it. They cried and agreed. She didn’t intend for them to be fake parents at first hut figures it won’t hurt her fake identity to have them.

Mostly though, she lives a life a bit isolated. Works from home as an excuse why she has any money. Claims to be from that village. She lives quite modestly. She’s afraid of being harassed like that again.

Meanwhile new wifey is not having a good time. She had mostly recovered from her illness, but her parents did use most of their fortune saving her life. She wanted to marry her ex she left to make it up to them by giving them some of his money. When he found out she miraculously recovered, wouldn’t he be happy? But it was when after her last treatment and she started to display dramatic improvement did he start to have his suspicions. He went to visit the mc but she wasn’t in her apartment. Let himself in as he had a spare key in case of emergencies and the place looked abandoned. It looked like someone rushed out of there Ava he found the old threatening letters and a window that had obviously been replaced. He confronted his new wife and she denied it, asking how could she accuse him of something so horrible? Was he angry she was recovering too well? Did he resent her for having to leave his real wife to take care of her? She would get sick again, this always happens with her treatment, she just appeared better at first and then got even worse.

He investigates his employees getting a bad feeling. Several employees were caught embezzling, all with ties to his new wife’s company. He then investigates her procedure and the doctor had lied to him, it wasn’t a risky procedure to save her life but a normal one as part of recovery treatment when someone is cured and is very safe. She tricked him for money.

He divorces her and makes her family pay him back by taking all of their assets and absorbing their company. Everyone curses her as a scam artist. He wonders where his wife is and starts investigating. She probably went into hiding after such horrible treatment. He wonders why she didn’t tell him. Did she start to think he wouldn’t believe her?

Eventually he tracks her down. It’s been so long. She didn’t ever respond to him when he tried to contact her before. He would explain everything and tell her he made them pay and do everything to make it up to her.

He finds her, and bumps into her while she’s out of the house. She acts like she doesn’t know him abd apologizes “excuse me sir” given she’s in casual clothes that aren’t expensive and he’s in an expensive suit. He calls her name and she doesn’t respond. He tells her he knows it’s her as he would recognize her anywhere but she gives her new fake name, putting on a stellar performance. He notices the mole on her arm is gone as is the one under her eye. Did he really get the wrong woman? Why does she look and sound like his wife?

And I’ve been writing this too long I QUIT

[anniegetyourbubblegum]

I keep seeing posts from people in the US debating whether to vote for Biden in their upcoming elections to stop Trump from winning again or to punish the democrats for aiding Israel in the genocide of Palestine.

I'm argentinian and as far as I'm concerned, you should vote for whichever candidate you think will benefit you more, because you're from the US and that's all it's good for. The rest of the world will continue to suffer at your hands no matter what. Let me explain.

Democrats and republicans are not a representation of left and right wing politics: both parties are on the right side of the spectrum, only the GOP is more honest about it.

Republicans, as right wing parties do, run on promises of austerity, reducing taxes and being tough on crime. Democrats run promising to use tax money to ease your life: affordable healthcare, education and housing, all guaranteed so you can live the life of a first world citizen.

And then, they don't deliver.

You still have school shootings, massive incarceration, corruption in all levels of government, and the poorest pay a higher proportion of taxes than the richest. Healthcare, education and housing are extremely expensive and often require people to get into heavy debt to afford to have their most basic needs met, and that's only possible if you have good credit.

It's a reductive analysis for the sake of brevity, but you get the gist. The point is that having you be poor and afraid is the goal: it's a feature, not a bug.

You want to go to college? You need to buy a house? You want to start a family? Well, the military complex needs bodies! The US has far too many enemies to their way of life, so they'll need people to defend it! In exchange, they'll "guarantee" just enough money that you won't be destitute.

The US spends the most amount of money on their military in the world, by a long shot. To justify spending that kind of money, you HAVE to have wars. To have wars, you need enemies.

So, you get propaganda. "Muslims are extremists and hate our way of life." "Latin americans want to come to our country and steal our jobs." "China and Russia are communist countries that are waiting to destroy us." And you gobble it up.

You love it so much. It's in your news, in your videogames, in your movies and TV series and comic books. So, when they ask you to fight, you go running! You'll get some money out of it and you'll get to live your life the way you were promised. Sure, PTSD from the horrors is a given, but there's pills for that! And award winning movies about how difficult it is to go to war! It's all covered.

So the small, poor countries that you invade lose their money, natural resources, and their sovereignty but HEY, you brought democracy there! And the US is protected from this many enemies! Mission accomplished, right?

Well, as a citizen of a third world country whose current president is an insane pawn of the GOP, I'd like to say fuck you. He was placed so that the US could take our recently discovered lithium, and you'll get it. Enjoy your shitty iPhone 5000 I guess. It'll come at the small price of the hunger of my countrymen, but since Twitter user dan91883719 says argentinians all descend from escaped nazis, I guess it's alright.

Israel has killed Palestinians and illegally expanded its borders for over 70 years. Both democrats and republicans have sent aid and weapons to make this possible. It's in the US best interests to have conflict in the Middle East and have an ally control the area. Israel is a feature, not a bug.

And those of you who vote blue? You're trapped. Even if you know it's shit, you're unable to organize. Instead of rallying to form a new party, or a at least get a better candidate, you keep voting bad instead of worse and pat yourselves on the back for a job well done. Democrats are well aware of this and that's why they run on platforms that promise to make your life better and then sit back and say "our hands are tied" when you lose rights.

So, if you're still doubting it, vote for whoever the fuck you want. The war machine that you call 'country' won't stop no matter who's president, because those who hold the real power are already getting exactly what they want from it. Your suffering as US citizens is just as planned as the suffering of those who live outside of it.

TL,DR: Vote for whichever candidate you feel will defend your interests best. Lord knows it won't make a lick of difference for the rest of the world, because both political parties have the same plans when it comes to foreign policy.

[brandnewhuman]

I'm having big brain thoughts again AND YOU ALL ARE GONNA LISTEN;

I never thought I would get so far in life to see the day I WOULD GET HEADCANON SHAMED BY THE TICKTACK ASS APP.

And since mischaracterization and shitty takes are my passion AND my purpose, here are some thoughts about Simon. LET'S BEGIN

I was part of the "ghost has the emotional capacity of a rock" team. But upon thinking about it I've come to the conclusion that maybe that's not it. Simon has obviously gone through so much in life and while I still believe his trauma makes it hard for him to fit in and feel comfortable just by existing, I think he's the type of person who quietly enjoys to compensate himself for the things he has never been able to enjoy in life. LIKE NO ONE IS GONNA EVER SAY SORRY TO HIM OR REPAY HIM FOR ALL THE PAIN AND HORRIBLE STUFF HE HAS ENDURE, SO WHY NOT DOING IT HIMSELF?

No, he's not an abusive and dysfunctional man who's broken beyond repair STOP TURNING THIS POOR GUY INTO A FUCKING MONSTER, HE'S JUST A SILLY SAD MAN. Besides, he's fucking scared of the "the abused becomes the abuser" thing and works very hard to avoid it.

HE GOES TO THERAPY BITCHES, HE REALLY DOES. He deals with extreme guilt, with PTSD and a shitton of stuff that has made his life a living hell for so long and probably will keep making it difficult forever so in the end, although it's hard, he just caves in and gets help.

No, I don't think he has anger issues and he's not straight up rude. He feels uncomfortable with the idea of getting too angry, he prefers to just talk things out. AND TALKING ABOUT ANGER; I do believe he finds some sort of relief in his work but not because he likes to take out his emotions on others and kill mindlessly or stuff. I genuinely believe he likes the idea of being something good, of his actions having a positive impact. He feels like he has failed his family and friends but every time he manages to successfully complete a mission he feels like his existence is not just about the pain and the failures. When a mission goes bad he does have a hard time and gets physically ill.

BACK TO ENJOYING THINGS THO: during his childhood and throughout most of his life he has always denied himself so much for one reason or another. He's hellbent on trying to treat himself with things he has missed out. At first it was part of the therapy; watch movies you would've liked to watch, go and try food you have thought about trying etc... then as time went on, and he started to deal with the guilt better, he kept doing all that stuff just because he wanted to. And maybe because he wants to understand stuff and references better when he's hanging out with the 141.

That's another thing, he initially was reluctant at the idea of hanging out and stuff but then he manages to feel comfortable enough. He's very quiet but not downright antisocial.

He likes to read better and TV shows better than movies. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH BUT HE'S A SHITTY COOK, HE COULD AND WILL BURN EVEN WATER.

There's the HC of him not eating enough and while I agree it's unrealistic I think there's some sort of truth. This man gets through depressive episodes where he can't sleep, can't eat and even breathing it's a chore. It usually happens when he's not at the base and he's having a difficult time with the leave time at home. He does however force himself to eat at least enough to not lose all the muscle and strength he has worked hard on. It's hard, but he tries to take care of himself as best as possible. THAT BEING SAID, THIS MAN EATS ONLY PREMADE THINGS CAUSE HE CAN'T COOK. Every single fucking meal, even the healthy one, has been bought and there's not a single time where he even attempts at cooking anything. After almost burning down his whole damn apartment he has banned himself from the kitchen. the way he maintains without necessarily eating when he doesn't feel like it's by keeping a whole fucking stock of snacks in his house.

OKAY THAT'S IT, THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

[bucketspammer4life]

how i think the boxers laugh

played around with my hair and accidentally gave myself a fuckass bob but masc, send help

Glass Joe - snorting with the most obnoxious laugh ever, hes bad at holding in his laughter in the worst situations, you could be ugly crying while talking about something traumatic and he'd burst into laughter and try to apologize for wheezing into your face

Von Kaiser - also an obnoxious laugher but can fake a gentleman's chuckle in almost every situation since he has to put up with the dumbest shit the wvba & his students put him through, you havent lived until youve had 3 children try to rob you with a breadstick and had to hold a straight face

Disco Kid - creaky door laugh™ and will laugh at anything as long as its random, cant stand up on his 2 feet if hes laughing hard enough

King Hippo - TERRIFYING. laughs like a dog choking on a popeyes biscuit, no one really understands his sense of humour and it should stay that way because once he starts laughing he goes on for hours

Piston Hondo - a gentleman's chuckle, if hes absolutely losing it over something funny he'll shed a few tears from laughter, pretends he has a sophisticated sense of humor when hes laughed at a cat smacking up a friend of his

Bear Hugger - a hearty "GYAHHAHAHAHAA" no matter the joke, usually laughs at dad jokes or funny animal videos

Great Tiger - also a gentleman's chuckle but will roll on the floor from laughter occassionally, his humour goes between "smartass pun" to "man falls off flight of stairs and makes a funny noise"

Don Flamenco - fakes a gentleman's chuckle but is shit at it, his actual laugh sounds like a turtle's last wishes before it goes into the light, likes practical jokes that annoy people for a eternity

Aran Ryan - demented chuckle, laughs at the weirdest shit, hes laughed at a bench for 10 minutes

Soda Popinski - silly little teehee, #1 dad joke lover

Bald Bull - the most dad laugh ever, slams his hands on anything when hes laughing, hits people if he gets too caught up while laughing, if he starts to laugh over something everyone around him has to brace for impact

Super Macho Man - unbearable, obnoxious, ear wrenching laughter, laughs at "poor" people (by that i mean people who cant afford those sunglasses anyone not able to purchase a house made of pure golf being sold for 98982828393838938200200000000 dollars)

Mr Sandman - He doesnt physically laugh, his face stays straight but he makes laughing noises

[dark-raven-666]

Baldwin IV x reader Angst!

Warnings: Angst, Guy says a bad word

///////////////////////////////////////

After three years of being married to your love Baldwin IV, he asks you to a private chat

"My dear, you wanted to speak to me" you said popping your head into the room.

"Yes I do" Baldwin replied quietly with a sigh leaving his covered mouth.

Sitting in front of your husband you give him a gentle smile, as a sign for him to tell you what was the matter.

" (Name) we need to get an annulment " Baldwin said

At that moment you could feel your heart drop to your stomach.

"What, why?" You asked, voice cracking.

"I can not tell you, but it is a must" he spoke trying to hold back his tears.

"Baldwin, please, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong, I beg of you, please don't do this to us" you said loudly tears that were once filling your eyes, spilling over your cheeks.

Oh how he wanted to wipe them away and tell you to stay with him forever, but he couldn't. He didn't have many years left and he knows it. He doesn't want you having to live with an ill man until he dies.

He has to let you go now, so when he dies, you are no longer in love with him, and don't have to experience the anguish of losing your love.

He knows you will hate him for this, but it's the best, he keeps reassuring himself

"I'm very sorry (name)" he said getting up.

"The guards will escort you into your new home, that I've provided and you will get money monthly from us. Baldwin said, leaving you.

Watching your numb face, with tears streaming down your cheeks hurt him very much he tried to not show any reaction.

The moment Baldwin closes his bedrooms door he fell to his knees and started sobbing uncontrollably.

What had he done, he let go of the one person that actually cared for him. Was it selfish to keep them or was it selfish to let them go?.. He couldn't figure out.

Baldwin then heard a knock at his door. "My king, is everything alright? " it was Tiberias, the man who practically raised Baldwin. Baldwin got up and opened the door. Before Tiberias could understand what was going on, he was embraced by an anguished Baldwin sobbing in his arms.

"Ahh! Ti.. Tiberias... I.. I did a terrible thing! " is what Tiberias could make out of his kings sobbing.

Tiberias guided Baldwin to his bed, closing the door behind him.

"Baldwin, what did you do? " Tiberias questioned, worry clear in his voice.

"I.. I left (name) Tiberias I left them!) Is what Baldwin said still sobbing.

"Wha- , why would you do such a thing?" Tiberias said.

"They deserve better than me, Tiberias *hic* they shouldn't have to live married to a *hic*leper. Baldwin responded still crying.

"Oh, Baldwin, you poor poor kid" "You know that (name) loves you more than anyone, no matter if you were ill or not" Tiberias said trying to calm his sad king.

"But.. But- "*cough cough* Baldwin was interrupted by a coughing attack, the pain he felt was too much for his poor body to handle.

"Baldwin!" Tiberias exclaimed loudly.

Tiberias got up and called the guards standing outside to go and get the physicians.

*time skip*

After a few hours of the physicians caring for the king, he was finally asleep in his bed. His mask was now off. Revealing his sad face to the old man sitting next to him (Tiberias)

Your POV:

"Baldwin, please, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong, I beg of you, please don't do this to us" you said loudly tears that were once filling your eyes, spilling over your cheeks.

Your love, now ex husband stood up and told you something, that you could not focus enough to hear.

What does he mean divorce, did your late nights caring for him mean nothing, did the poetry you wrote him mean nothing, did the soft kisses you would leave on his scarred face mean nothing? Was it all for nothing?

After what felt like hours sitting on the side of the table, two men came in, they were Guy de Lusigana and Balian de Ibelin.

"Come now, you need to pack your bags so we can escort you to your new house" said Guy rather harshly.

After getting no reaction from you, he got angry and grabbed you by the armpit pulling you up.

"Listen here, you little bitch, you are no longer the kings, partner so what I say, you do understand!? " Guy yelled at you.

You got up and packed your bags, earning a pitiful look from Balian.

*Time skip*

Your bags were now packed, and you were being escorted to your house by the two men.

"You will be staying here" Balian said dropping one of your bags on the floor of the new house. It was small but it will suffice for an unwed person like you.

Balian and Guy brought in your last bags and left. Balian gave you one sad glance before leaving, whilst Guy didn't even give you a glance.

You looked around you, and out of the window, two birds were there cleaning each other. You let out a small sad laugh, thinking. Is that how people saw me and Baldwin..

Tears were once again streaming down your face, you laid on the floor and slept there for the night, not even a mattress under you.

[nelyoslegalteam]

You should talk about antar from dnd on here due to they are neat

FINE but only if you finally run that gondolin campaign and give me an excuse to PLAY THEM AGAIN (threat (affectionate))

okay!! so antar is one of two (2) tolkien ocs i have, both made for d&d purposes. they’re a character i made for a fall of gondolin one-shot game that jaz ran one time. being a fall of gondolin one-shot, the idea was that we were all going to die horribly, it was really just a matter of how.

something that should probably be known about me: i keep wanting to make d&d characters to have get killed off dramatically, but i literally never can, because i get way too fucking attached to them.

so therefore, this is fun, right! i get to make a fun little doomed character, they get to die horribly, i am not going to have them long-term so it literally doesn’t matter!! blorbo for my torture!!

i rolled antar up like an hour, not even, before this game. i chose everything about them to be about as doomed as possible. i even gave them the oathsworn background!!! and, at jaz’s absolutely evil suggestion, to which i went oh that would be SO bad for them,

i had them swear two oaths.

one, they are oathsworn to turgon, to protect gondolin at all costs.

two, they are oathsworn in complete and absolute loyalty to maeglin.

(over the two hours in question, i would come to frequently and almost exclusively refer to maeglin as “my son, who is also my boss.”)

i spent the entire two hours wondering how, exactly, this was going to play out, which oath they were going to inevitably break, what they would do when confronted with what maeglin had done.

well.

antar sees maeglin on the cliff with earendil.

drops literally everything to try to get to him immediately.

gets there, and realizes that morgoth has done something to his mind.

tries at first to convince him that he’s safe, that they’ll protect him from literal morgoth himself if they must.

and when that fails.

declares that they will prove that he is safe.

and immediately breaks their oath to the entire city to defend maeglin, genuinely believing that they could save him, and save everyone.

understandably, they then immediately took twenty shadow points at once, in a game where straight-up murder makes you take five, and then naturally proceeded to die falling off of said cliff.

also understandably, they then immediately proceeded to make me insane about them forever.

several weeks later, they would still be living in my brain enough for me to decide that, as a member of turgon’s guard, they bore extremely direct witness to eol’s attempted murder of maeglin/successful murder of aredhel, and probably also eol’s subsequent execution. they were extremely affected by watching a child lose both of his parents in one of the most traumatizing ways possible and just. sorta decided that anything this kid needs, they’re there for. truly i do not want to backstory build deeper than that until i get to play them more, because it’s more fun for me if things come up naturally, but they’re an absolute thembo ridden with a deep and unshakable responsibility complex who has just absolutely mentally adopted this poor kid. they’re the house of the mole’s secretary. they’re a polite ball of sunshine. they will kill for you if they love you. and now jaz uses them whenever maeglin needs to have a secretary in fics, which is truly the highest honor.

and @ jaz for asking me this, actually let me play them more i WILL break into your apartment and start getting the dice out myself this is a THREAT <3

[tuliptiger]

A vent post

I am exhausted in this week of weeks. Im exhausted of being alive and living in this world. Bone deep, and tired. 27 years old and I'm so, so weary.

I don't understand how people can live freely and unburdened, or in the very least they've figured out how to move forward and dream and build their lives. I don't feel like I can dream, I'm tired of my privilege and that's a privilege in of itself. I'm poor, I'm alone ie I support myself and I'm there for myself, I'm in a transition life period right now and it's nightmarish.

I still enjoy thing from time to time, I still have my pets at my moms when I visit I only dream of one day having back at my house that isn't built but has been in construction for a year and a half now. I try to eat healthy but still enjoy the foods I like, I'm heavier than I've ever been. Unemployment still isn't figured out but looks hopeful, hopeful enough to believe it resolved this or next week.

I think I'll be fine in the long run but I can't enjoy what I have knowing others have less because in all of these personal life issues and challenges and joys there is still a war we're complicit in. There are still horrific famines and struggles and I cannot take on the world's burdens but. As an American I'm tied to it and there is only so much I can do.

I don't want to give up my life. Some don't have a choice I feel bad about that but I can't give up my life, for the last couple years of my life I've finally relearned how to like living and regained the want to live again. Guilt does nobody any good especially in this instance, I know I know I know it's a white American privilege to even get to feel this way but I don't know what to do about it within my power.

I can't not feel bad about it but I don't know how to make it not crippling. I cannot enjoy my life knowing these atrocities are happening I don't know how. Is it ok to enjoy my life? Why do I need someone to tell me that. I grew up poor, I lived poor, I am poor but I'm building a house with all of my willpower and money I possess I don't think I have a bad job $42,000 a year (if I get to work the full year) I don't think is bad I can live this way I am living this way and I don't desire more other than to cover the house costs.

I feel privileged to have a car, to get a loan and go into debt and to be able to, as hard fought and disaster ridden this house buying/building process has been I FEEL the privilege but it feels like a lead anchor and not a joy. There is no joy in any of this the only thing I truly feel grateful for is my car.

How can I be building a house when thousands and hundreds of thousands have lost theirs over and over again how can I complain about loans and debt and prices. I deserve a house too but I don't feel like it right now even if it isn't helpful. We all deserve housing, I am not excluded but I just. I don't, I can't feel any different man.

This will never be over in my lifetime, the Palestinian struggle will end eventually it must. They will be free they will be safe I have to believe but American horrors and involvement in all of the worst parts of the world will never end in my life. People will give their lives to try and slow it and mitigate it but I don't see America changing without a full blown internal war. And I can't cope with the loss of life, the loss of these modern day current heroes protesting and dying and losing parts of their lives for what?

Americas puppet, americas arms, americas power and money and profit. For what for what for what for what for what I can't understand it at all. I don't have the power, the money or the people to help. I just reblog posts, share info, keep my support unwavering and beliefs firm but I'm not doing anything of importance. I'm not showing up, I'm not donating I'm not doing anything of value whatsoever I'm just chattering. I'm scared when I don't have a right to be.

People with american flags and guns, firm beliefs of sexism, racism, who regularly say they wouldn't mind killing minorities and women and anyone not in their approved people list. People who the people in power would throw away and kill readily for the hell of it willing to kill others for nothing. I am scared to face them I am not going to lie. It's terrifying knowing people that are dangerous, stupid and blind are on the other side waiting for an excuse.

I don't control any fate or events in the future. I can't see this getting any better, I've felt it in my bones since COVID but we're on the track of it getting worse, and worse before it gets better. And man rock bottom feels like a long, long way away from here. Sorry for the tone of this entire thing but, I've not been feeling good lately. And I don't know what to do about it.