#lost in thoughts all alone because he knew someday the world would need it to save themselves from him

[lululeighsworld]

JUST HAD ANOTHER SIMILARITY CONNECTION. FUCK.

[readbyred]

Hi :)

Heard you were accepting dps requests so what about a charlie fic

I feel like charlie is the type of person to flirt with everyone and ask anyone he finds attractive out except when it comes to the person he actually has feelings for so what about charlie x reader where reader has been waiting since before they graduated for him to ask her out and as soon as she decides to move on charlie gets all sad and jealous and confesses and yknow how it goes

Would love to see this in a fic ♡

Not a fic blog (maybe someday), but I can give you a headcanon (so, shorter and no dialogue) though… I did get a bit inspired, so its longer than my usual writing

I think as a teen he was the sort of person to try and prove he’s popular with people. It would feel bad to lump you in with that. Like, he actually liked you, so it's different. Not that he has no respect for people he flirts with, but he knows it isn't anything serious. He was just a teen guy trying to impress his friends and get the experience he was prevented from getting (with his strict school and all). Especially with his position in the friend group and all.

Still, he hoped to have something serious with you one day. One day when he gets the courage, when he feels like it will work out and he won't jeopardize the whole friend group because of his crush.

But that day didn't come when he was at Welton. Then he had other things to worry about, considering his departure from the school. It was a hard time for everybody. But no matter the odds the poets kept in touch, as much as they could. And that included you.

Only, as years passed you started losing hope. I mean, if he wanted to he would, right? It felt so helplessly pathetic to be waiting for Charlie when it seemed that he had never and will never return your feelings.

When you were younger, it felt like the end of the world. Like you were destined to be alone. Oh, how many nights you’ve spent with Knox, wallowing in self-pity after Chris left him. Just sitting there with your buddy, talking about how you should go to a monastery. Not out of a spiritual need, but because there would be no one ever to love you. Guess you were a bit dramatic back then. It took Pitts many tries to smack some sense into you but you matured eventually.

When college approached, you were ready to meet new people. Although you weren't in the same school together anymore, you made a promise with the poets to keep seeing each other regularly.

Meanwhile, you met Mark. A true romantic soul with quite a witty humour. And Jack who would always treat you so sweetly and had the same interests as you. And Adam who walked you to the dorms every day. And Matt who had so much passion for life. You opened yourself up to people. Started meeting up with others.

Suddenly, you’d bring up your dates every meeting. Not to rub it in, just to recall funny moments. Like when a rainstorm caught you and Jack in the middle of a walk and you raced to the dorms. Or how you and Adam got lost in the park at night because neither of you lived in that city before. Knox would encourage you to spill every detail.

Surprisingly, the more you talked about your love life, the less you heard Charlie talk about his. By winter break you haven't heard him talk about any girl in weeks. At first you didn't notice. Then you figured that maybe he just fell for someone who wasn't as easy to charm so he didn't have anything to brag about yet.

The thought of him being so head over hills for this unnamed person made something inside you feel empty. You knew the feeling well from high school and you detested yourself for still having those sorts of thoughts and feelings. But you decided to let it all fizzle out.

You had better things to think about too. There was a ball coming around. Some fancy tradition at your university. Before you knew it, you had quite a few invitations. The sweetest one was from Jack.

He told you to close your eyes and open your palm. Then, he handed you a handcrafted note asking if you'd like to go with him. Later that day you found another one in your pocket (so that's why he told you to close your eyes) telling you he’s grateful to have you in his life. It was perfect. And officially approved by Knox Overstreet!

When you recounted the story, the guys were pretty happy for you. Before anyone could get a word in, Charlie suddenly asked if you were planning to go with Jack. Sincerely, you affirmed. Why not? He was the sweetest guy and you certainly were done moping around. I mean, you knew that Charlie wasn't going to change his mind so you could as well see if you end up liking someone else.

To your surprise, Charlie wasn't as ecstatic as the rest of the poets. He was rather skeptical and even a bit snarky. Commenting on the guy and just being so… weird about it. It angered you to no end because softly rejecting you is one thing. But trying to get in the way of you moving on? That didn't sit right with you. But your drama queen days were over, so you didn't walk off or anything. Just huffed and looked for a way to change the topic.

At the same time Charlie was thinking. Before college it was easy to reassure himself that he had all the time he wanted to make you his. And all the time he wanted to decide if he would do that at all. Everything was easier back when you didn't talk about any guys. Ever. Now he felt like he had to do something. Damn the risk of ruining the friend group. Damn the fear of rejection. And damn Knox for encouraging this mess.

The last thing you expected was for Charlie to get up suddenly. The poets all looked at him confused. When he stood up, his eyes met yours and he asked you to talk with him outside. Honest to Gods, you had no idea what that was about. But he was being dramatic (more so than usual) and something about the determination in his eyes told you to follow your friend outside. It was snowing and only buildings around you somewhat shielded you from the cold wind.

Charlie didn't waste time choosing words. For the first time when talking to a girl, he was completely raw. Just as it hit him, he blurted out his confession. No overplayed charm. No smirks and winks and cheap tricks. Just him. Charlie Dalton telling you that he likes you. That he had liked you for some time. That you should just, please, think about it.

As the last word fell from his mouth, a heavy silence fell between you. Silence colder than the wind and the snow. But Charlie stood there, undeterred, waiting to see the answer in your eyes. Even at his most frantic, he was confident. He understood that he did what he did, what it meant, and that he grasped this last chance by a miracle. There was no turning back now.

Your response first came muffled, as if the falling snowflakes were absorbing your voice. But finally, you confessed. Not without telling him, how long he made you wait. And how stupid he was acting, if he really just ignored his feelings for this long.

Your talk was tender, full of relief. But, as it happens with Charlie, as soon as the talk of real feelings was out of the way, he dragged you back inside, to announce your happy ending.

You couldn't believe he wanted to brag to your friends at a moment like this. But you just stood there, watching him with a smile. Some things never changed. Charlie certainly didn't. And you wouldn't have it any other way

[yanderestarangel]

☆Yandere!Edward Richtofen ☆

a/n: just using some posts from my old blog ( I ​​excluded it because I wanted to focus more on the things I liked and not stick to just one topic ) Anyway, enjoy.

Tw: male reader and gn, other than "you" no other names used, death, blood, manipulation, harassment, dark themes, non con.

This man met you when you unexpectedly fell into an intradimensional portal connecting realities.

You fell at his feet

Like a fallen, lost angel who needed to be held at any cost and when I say any cost, I mean literally anything.

Young Richtofen tries to hide his sadistic side from you, he will always give you a friendly and reassuring smile, but deep down he wants to see you in your most intimate and fragile state. If you are an independent person who likes to do everything alone, forget it my angel, Richtofen will simply cut your independence completely, whether you like it or not.

He will remind you of how he saved you when you were so lost in his world, the desperation in his eyes as he saw a horde of zombies chasing you, you literally begging a stranger to save you from death, how grateful you are it must be because he did it. the one who found you and none of your mates who would leave you there without a second thought.

He would use anything to see you grateful and fearing in a way. Edward hates this feeling that fills his chest and warms him.

The man hasn't had much human contact in his 30 years of life, the university was empty and cruel to poor Edward and the gods have sent you, their saving angel.

He trembled just listening to you talk, seeing you every day seemed like a difficult task, Richtofen controlled himself more and more not to grab you in the middle of everyone and claim you as his. But you haven't realized it yet. For you, richtofen was just a crazy doctor who had created the zombie apocalypse you were in now while still worrying about returning to your reality, you were afraid, like how much time had passed there, if your world would corrupt like that of Richtofen someday. To you, the innocent Y/N Edward was a friend or acquaintance you were uncomfortable with, but kept as a means of survival and gratitude, after all he set you up and saved you from being eaten alive by the undead. But in the rotten mind of the doctor. You were his. Only his.

Richtofen knew how to get him home, it was simple, easy and fast. But he never told you. Never. Every time you met him, the same thing was repeated.

You would enter his lab in an abandoned building a few meters away where you and the rest of your team slept, he would smile at you asking you to come closer.

You would ask the man again who would pull you into his lap and ask for a kiss in exchange for the information. "-My love..." Richtofen started with you in his lap passing his nose over your neck and hair, you felt uncomfortable with the man's big hands on your thighs going up and up, you could feel the man's breath on your skin . "-I have the name Richtofen, please don't call me that." -you said as you took his hands away and stared at him, the man smiled and lowered his tone looking at the notebook in front of him. "-Nothing so far, I'll see if I can do something else and send you home soon... But nothing my prince." - said the man while blatantly lying to you, he knew how to get you. But he wouldn't. You left the frustrated man's legs and went to his dorm again hearing Richtofen say something but you didn't even turn around to see him.

How long has he been saying the same thing? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? You didn't even know what time it was anymore. In addition to Richtofen, no one in the group was interested in talking to you, which made him frustrated for having only the doctor as a support to not go crazy in this distorted world.

Edward was working on other things, the main one being how to kill more zombies so the two of you could live a little better in that horrible reality. He even thought of opening a portal and running away with you to another place, but that would be too risky and he hated risk. Then you and he would stay in that world forever, but the man saw that you were getting more and more impatient and that worried him leading him to a drastic and horrible measure, kill all his team members and succumb to total madness only you are he .

He waited for you to sleep that night and quickly took care of killing all your team members, Richtofen felt nothing. The warmth of someone else's blood just made him feel empty without any regrets.

He quickly disposed of the bodies giving zombies outside the safe walls of the city, you were quickly returning and showering cleaning the blood and gunshot marks on the gray building. You woke up with a weight on the side of the mattress and quickly turned around to see Edward smiling at you, bidding you a warm good morning.

After that you went downstairs seeing the silence of the dorm and asking the man where all the other members were.

And that's when the theater began.

Richtofen lied playing the victim saying that the men had found the portal to his reality, you smiled happily but everything fell apart when the brunette said that they had entered and placed a timed detonator so no one could find them, it seemed like a false lie and it was really, but the air there and the current loneliness made you hyperventilate with all that belief in your doctor “friend”.

You cried while Richthofen mentally repeated an apology, he blamed himself deep down for all of this, but there was no going back.

[petercapaldi]

when noah kahan said "if the sun don't rise till the summertime, forgive my northern attitude. oh, i was raised on little light" and when he said "i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad that i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad" and when he said "my house was designed to kinda look like it's crying. the eyes are the windows, the garage is the mouth. so when they mention the sad kid in the sad house on balch street, you won't have to guess who they're speaking about" and when he said "i was taking the wrong meds, feels good to be sad" and when he said "my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it" and when he said "someday i’m gonna be somebody people want" and when he said "no thing so sure that i can't learn to doubt it" and when he said "i divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts, keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart. i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them, but it's a start" and when he said "at the end of the day, i know there are worse ways to stay alive" and when he said "i'm terrified that i might never have met me" and when he said "i forgot my medication, fell into a manic high. spent my savings at a lulu, now i'm suffering in style. why is pain so damn impatient? ain't like it's got a place to be. keeps rushing me" and when he said "if all my life was wasted, i don't mind, i'll watch it go. yeah, it's better to die numb than feel it all" and when he said "i drink till i drown and i smoke till i'm burning" and when he said "collect every dream in these old empty pockets, in hope that i'll need them someday"

and when he said "it's an ode to the hole that i found myself stuck in, a song for the grave that i dug" and when he said "i only tell the truth when i'm sure that i'm lying" and when he said "i would leave if only i could find a reason. i'm mean because i grew up in new england. i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them. spend the rest of my life with what could have been, and i will die in the house that i grew up in. i'm homesick" and when he said "it only falls into place when you're falling to pieces" and when he said "the whole place is quiet. you miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it. don't know whether you want a place in the coast or the country. you can't stay here, it's hard to face and it feels too ugly. you light a fire inside, let it burn" and when he said "with a past box of photos i rip myself open" and when he said "feel the rush of my blood, i'm seventeen again. i am not scared of death, i've got dreams again" and when he said "a minute from home, but i feel so far from it. the death of my dog, the stretch of my skin. it's all washing over me, i'm angry again. the things that i lost here, the people i knew, they got me surrounded for a mile or two" and when he said "my medicine is drowning your perspective out, so i ain't taking any fault" and when he said "i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown in the name of someone i no longer know. for the shame of being young, drunk and alone"

and when he said "'son, are you a danger to yourself?' well, fuck that, sir, just let me call. i'll give you my blood alcohol, i'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell. i'll change my faith, i'll kiss the badge. just wait, i swear she'll call me back. 'son, why do you do this to yourself?'" and when he said "i'll turn up the music and i'll forget until it ends that i'm not ready to let go yet" and when he said "i'm in my car and i see the yard, the patch of grass where we buried the dog. and the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence. if i could leave, i would've already left" and when he said "i thought i had something, and that's the same as having something. i get mad at nothing, blame my dad for something. i pull no punches, then feel bad for months. thought i was raised better. tried to fake better, tried to blame weather and escape better. hope the skin heals where the pain enters" and when he said "i saw the end, it looks just like the middle. got a paper and pen and a page with no space. i filled the hole in my head with prescription medication, then forgot how to cry. who am i to complain? and now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different and evades vision. makes the rain different, makes the news boring and my rage distant. yes, i'm young and living dreams, in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen. but i can finally eat and i can fall asleep. it's fine, fine, fine" and when he said "medicate, meditate, swear your soul to jesus. throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason" and when he said "we spent so long just getting by. that's the thing about survival. who the hell, who the hell likes living just to die?"

[yyyeahduuude]

Take Me Back to the Start - Ryan Dunn x Reader

Warning: lots of f-bombs, but that’s about it. And angst. Lots.

Dunn.

Bam’s right at his side, but he sounds so far away, a muffled, underwater sort of sound, and Ryan can’t process it enough to pay any mind, eyes focused on the road and the couple of kids that ride past on their bikes.

Ryan.

Two fingers snap in front of his face but all he manages for a reaction is a slow blink of his bloodshot eyes, and Bam is looking at him like he’s lost it. They both know he has.

“What?”

“We’re goin’ out, I told you this. C’mon.” Ryan rolls his eyes the way he does, subtle with a hint of absolute dickness, and does he mean to be rude? Yeah. He knows Bam knows - no going out, no clubs, no bars, no girls, no fucking anything, and he’s sick of having to explain it just because Bam hasn’t ever experienced anything like this. This utterly miserable form of existing, the longing, heart only managing to beat because that thought of her, of you, flashes and that spark goes off again. Bam doesn’t get it, Bam’s a kid, and all he knows is fake tans and silver eyeshadow, but Ryan knows love. Knows needing and desperation and wanting to be good for someone.

“No.”

“Dunn, fuckin’ - I told Dico you were comin’, man, now get your ass up. It’s getting fuckin’ pathetic. Look at you.”

“Why would you tell ‘im that?” Bam sighs and tilts his head to the side and back, his version of an eye roll, annoyed, caught between wanting his best friend to be there with him and wanting to be there for his best friend.

“I thought it might get you out.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Dunn.” Their eyes meet and Bam is challenging, daring him to get the fuck up and actually live for a moment, but Ryan isn’t budging, knows Bam already knows the answer, knew it before he even came around. “What the fuck ever, dude.” And he’s gone and Ryan’s alone again, and what else could he be if he isn’t with you?

---

It’s cold outside, Pennsylvania sucks in the winter, but you remind yourself it isn’t even winter, it’s October, and you’re just visiting. LA is only a plane away.

But LA doesn’t have that blonde boy ruffling through his ratty wardrobe for a sweater that’s probably been chewed on by mice, and it doesn’t have his pile of blankets on the floor, and it doesn’t have his dreary nothing of a room for you to hide out in with him, and it definitely doesn’t have his shy smile when he comes back to you with said sweater, eyes so big and gentle and bright in hopes of making you happy.

“Thank you,” you say it so soft, and he nods and leans down to kiss your forehead from where he’s sitting on his haunches, hands pulling the sleeves of the sweater over your own once it’s on so he can get you warmed up. So he can make you comfortable, take care of you.

“Looks better on you.. I bet the rats think so too,” he laughs and it’s quiet and everything feels so heavy but in a way that doesn’t make this world and the next collide, the kind that makes you want to stay here and soak it in, feel that ache and drown in it, in him.

“You think I’m gonna get a disease?”

“Probably.” You both grin and he lays down, pulling you on his chest, and the rhythm of your heart matches his, ribcages exhaling against each other, and you stare at the junk piled up against the wall and he stares at the ceiling, and both of you fall.

---

Someday I’ll get over you Waylon sings and Ryan almost has the heart to laugh because it’s the funniest goddamn joke he’s ever heard, but he can’t bring himself to do anything more than raise the beer bottle to his mouth and suck up the foam that he hates so much, but it’s better than the pain of wanting you.

No more invites to nights out, no more Raab calling to get together, no more Rake doing whatever shit Rake feels like doing to him. Bam doesn't let up though, he won’t. Tries to convince him that he’s gotta get past it, but Ryan knows love, remember? And Bam doesn’t get it, he’s such a little fucking kid, and Ryan’s eyes burn with tears when he thinks of it, thinks of how no one understands, no one’s ever gonna fucking understand.

His bum ass chewed up nails dig into his palm that isn’t soaked from condensation, muggy with the outside heat, the Pennsylvania heat you never got to experience because it was all over by March, and he hasn’t been able to go back inside and lay on that pile of blankets without the overwhelming need to jump off a cliff making him tremble.

He listens to country music no one else around can stand, which is good, keeps them away, keeps him miserable, and he’s fucked up. God, he’s so fucked up without you and he shakes and closes his eyes and tilts his head back and it’s hard to swallow this way, so the lump just sticks in his throat, eyes scrunched tight, everything burning.

You think I’m gonna get a disease?

You fucking are one he thinks and for the first time in a couple of months, he smiles, because you’d agree and the both of you would laugh and things would be okay.

[gay-otlc]

Roisin's Reading Rumble: Round 2

@camelspit @arson-anarchy-death

Brant playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2esYP1SdGXt54qMk9AgH9I?si=969c4f77e25b4493

Lyric explanations under cut

House On Fire by Rise Against

I thought that we would build this together But everything I touch just seems to break

From the time Brant and Jolie were young, and met in a pet store, they were in love. They expected to have a future together, and desperately wanted to be on each other's match lists against the odds. Even when they were labeled a bad match, they were planning a wedding. Clearly, they planned to build a life together.

However, Brant's rage at the system that hurt him, and at Jolie for choosing the Black Swan over the Neverseen, led to him destroying her and the future they'd planned.

So I'll just hold you like a hand grenade You touch me like a razor blade I wish there was some other way right now, oh oh Like a house on fire we're up in flames I'd burn here if that's what it takes To let you know I won't let go of you, oh oh

Even though Brant killed Jolie, he loved her to the end. In their case, they had a literal house on fire- the fire that Brant set after his fight with Jolie. However, this works in a metaphorical sense as well. The two of them were a bad match in a world that hated bad matches, and two people on opposite sides of a war. Their love was doomed, and it was inevitable that it would go up in flames, but they tried regardless, right up until they couldn't.

As Brant killed Jolie, despite his anger with her, he stayed by her side. He refused to let go of her, staying in the fire and suffering severe burns.

How is it a thing That we just wanna hurt each other I'm waiting out the rain 'Cause life is gonna rain forever Someday you will learn That all I ever did was for you And I would do it all again I would do it all again

The tragedy of their story is that Jolie loved and trusted Brant, and he hurt her. He killed her. Still, he never stopped loving her. Violent as his actions may have been, he did them because he loved Jolie, in his own misguided way. Joining the Neverseen, trying to burn down the system that hurt them- that was for Jolie. After he killed her, he continued to work with the Neverseen. He regretted killing her, but he didn't regret doing whatever it took to fight for a life together.

Freak Like Me by Transviolet

'Is there anybody out there? Hello can you hear me? Or am I just screaming to the void? I'm not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I'm not in this alone

Ever since he manifested, Brant has been demonized by the Lost Cities for being a Pyrokinetic. The world called him a monster, even before he did anything wrong. He felt alone and scared, with an ability he didn't know how to control and a world that would hate him if they knew the truth.

This is where Fintan comes in. Brant felt rejected by everyone, or knew he would be rejected if they found out he was a pyrokinetic. However, Fintan helped to mentor Brant, taught him to control his ability, and showed him that he wasn't alone. Even though Fintan hurt a lot of people, and encouraged Brant to hurt people by joining the Neverseen, he was the only person to know what Brant was and still treat him with kindness.

Is there anybody out there? Are you a freak like me? Getting kicked out somewhere Are you a freak like me?

Fintan got kicked off of the Council after pyrokinesis was made illegal, and Brant was abandoned by his parents after he manifested. Even his parents, who were meant to love him unconditionally, treated him like a freak for his ability. Brant felt alone and rejected, but Fintan was there for him; another "freak," willing to support him when no one else would.

You don't gotta walk that way alone Fuck this place We don't gotta go back there

Once Brant has Fintan on his side, and is no longer alone, the two of them work together to fight back against the world that treated them like freaks. Instead of accepting the way they're treated and assimilating into the Lost Cities, denying who they are and their craving for fire, they say "fuck this place" and join with the Neverseen, trying to destroy the system that hurt them.

Duality by Set It Off

I can't quite contain or explain my evil ways Or explain why I'm not sane All I can say is this is your warning

The Lost Cities labeled Brant as evil, a criminal, simply on the basis of his ability. They labeled him a monster, and he could do nothing to make them view his otherwise, so he chose to become the monster they called him. His actions took a toll on his sanity; his mind didn't break from the guilt, but he was described as not quite stable. Because of the way the Lost Cities harmed him, he chose to harm them back.

I have a confession that you will not believe That you could not perceive this freak, gonna set it off I have a confession, of a side that I hide

For a long time, Brant had to hide his ability, and had to hide who he was. Eventually, he grew tired of hiding and lived openly as a pyrokinetic. Let them call him a freak; he wasn't going to deny himself anymore.

I am good, I am evil I am solace, I am chaos I am human, and that's all I've ever wanted to be

At the start of his journey, Brant was a good person. As a child, he reached out to Jolie and agreed to share the pet he desperately wanted, sacrificing some of his time with it. He cared about her deeply, trying to make her happy and sending her love letters when they were separated.

Despite how good he was at the start, his rage at being rejected by the world took over eventually, and he became evil. He killed the love of his life, joined the Neverseen, kidnapped and tortured Sophie. He provided solace for Jolie, when they were younger, but he also brought chaos and destruction to the Lost Cities.

All he wanted was to be treated as equal. The Lost Cities treated him as not quite a human elf because of who he was. He was denied the education he wanted, denied the right to marry the person he loved. When he was still just a child who wanted to be worthy of the treatment everyone else got, the world dehumanized (de-elvinized?) him.

[suckitdeku]

Please guys let me show you this incredible song that reminds me of bakudeku and their relationship through the years.

Take My Hand - 5SOS

A painted heart on the sidewalk

A bleeding sun on the silver screen

Starting by this, I can totally imagine Katsuki in front of everyone showing up his amazing shape, the amazing person and future hero he is, sweating comfort in front of the spotlights. A bleeding sun. He is literally the greatest, he lights everyone by their eyes until they're burning of passion inside their heart. And Izuku fell, platonically or romantically, in love for him ages ago, and their road to greatness is full of signs that show his affection. He writes everywhere he can how he loves him, how he's fantastic, beautiful, brilliant, amazing.

I feel my ego when I talk

Lost myself in the in between

He really did this. There was a time, in Katsuki's life, in which he couldn't hear a single word from anyone. There was him and him only. He was the most important person in his own life. He lost himself. He lost everything. He surrounded himself with people who could praise him, and left behind Izuku, the only one who praised him so much at the point he wanted to be like Katsuki. And he didn't want to share it. Or maybe was he scared? And for what? It's a matter of fact that he left him behind, he treated him really bad.

Lustful eyes filled with love now

Sending in every calvalry

There was some malice in what he did back in middle school. Something horrible, something he soon regretted in the yuuei age. Something they're still recovering from. Something he doesn't want to happen ever again.

A few more souls on the bus now

Now they're not even alone anymore. Izuku has his own friends, and Katsuki has his own friends too. They're travelling together directed to something unknown, and still, they're together. A few more souls on the bus now. Because Izuku and Katsuki never left that bus in ages, and I think they never will.

Shut my eyes right at seventeen

Always hits me

I'm always shifting

Shut his eyes at a specific age. Seventeen are the age in which young adult are still discovering the world, too young, too dumb, to know things like love (~cit. Ghost Of You, 5SOS). He was so dumb he decided to be blind in front of everything. And when he'll be older, he'll think about those times in which he was just an annoying brat and will think about all the steps he took in order to be better. "Always hits me. I'm always shifting."

Told myself maybe someday

I'd fall down from the centerpiece

He knew this wouldn't have lasted forever. There would have been a time in which he would have to fight in order to stay in the first place. Yuuei is that challenging place where he would grow up and finally be a man, and a hero. Not that kind of jerk he used to be.

I treat my mind like an ashtray

I owe you an apology

His bad habits are falling apart. He's a new person. He's mature, serious, kind in his own way. Even to Izuku. He shows him some appreciation, he helps him, he let him help Katsuki himself. And he knows it, the time has come. When Izuku leaves yuuei, he discovers how he's omportant to him. Katsuki's brain was always full of bullshit he left there, stupid thoughts that hardly needs to be a real hero. And when his ideas are clear, and when Izuku is in front of him, those words fall down.

"I'm sorry, Izuku."

Breaking plans on a sunday

With myself maybe make some peace

I forgot every birthday

It was hard to say it. Three words, during a well-done speech in front of everyone to show his real emotions. It took time. It took a plan. It took courage. But he did it. It was so important. He couldn't leave that scene as if it was nothing important. He changed: and now showing real affection and support was more important. it's a fact that Katsuki never gave a single shit about anyone. It's a saying, that he forgot everyone's birthday in that dark age also known as middle school.

Open-eyed right at twenty-three

Always hits me, that

I'm always shifting

He's mature. He's a hero. He can't fall behind. He's changing. There is nothing more than this. So stop criticising him for what he did as a brat. Look at all this character development. I think it is important. Really important. It always hits me, too, how people shift during their existence.

Pick apart all of the pieces, well, I'm running out of time

Iron out all of the crisis and just hang it out to dry

Shallow hearts for shallow minds

That ache to be alive

You fall apart and redefine

What keeps you up at night

I guess this is, just, everything it took Katsuki to finally accept his changes. Isn't it unbelievable, what runs through someone's mind while he's thinking, while he's changing? How they're able to stay up all night and think, and to do it the following night, as the previous one? Do you really think he locked himself in his bedroom at 8pm just to sleep?

Oh, take my hand

Now and forever

Where I stand

Just as you're losing yourself again, look in the mirror

I really believe this is what he told himself numberless times. "When you're losing yourself again, look in the mirror. Look who you are. Think about who you were, and where it led you. Now, look what you are, and think about where you're about to find peace." He always reminds himself of those hands. He always reminds himself of his hand. Izuku will never be left behind.

Take my hand, now and forever

Where I stand, how can you live and let die?

Young man, look at the mirror

Take my hand, and don't you ever let go

Don't you ever let go

I hope this is what they told themselves at Izuku's rescue. So poetic, so romantic, so lovely. They will never leave each other's side.

[yzafre]

we're flying above the valley below | Ch 6

AO3

First | Previous

They were diverted to another world quickly after leaving Buzz and Woody behind.  More movement from the Organization had popped up; Donald and Goofy would continue the Princess diplomatic missions, as Keyblade wielders they were needed on the more hostile missions.

Kairi held her breath when they touched down, trying to brace for any more weird transformations, but nothing seemed to change.  A normal world, a normal city.

Well, she amended, perhaps a remarkable city.  It stretched across the horizon and up into the sky, perched at the end of a long, large bridge and made hazy by the distance.  It was beautiful, the sun sparkling off the glass in the hundreds of high-rises.

It would have been more beautiful if the road around them wasn’t filled with destruction.

Because, she was learning, it was impossible to reach a new world without finding trouble immediately.

When the heartless were defeated, they were shuffled off by the local hero team – Big Hero 6 – to a small garage hideout.

Hiro – the one who had enthusiastically brought them in, quickly introduced the others – Gogo, Wasabi, Honey Lemon, and Fred.

“So, uh,” He shuffled a bit, smiling up at them shyly, “Who are you guys?”

“Us?” Sora stuttered, “Uh – we are… the, uh – “

Oh, no.  She knew where this was going – Sora would insist on a name, and it would be horrible; better get ahead of that.  What could they be called – something unique to them – the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee came to mind, but they were more allies than a part of that.  Still, there was an idea there – using a place as part of the name.  And, if it was them, it had to be –

“The Destiny Trio.”

Everyone turned to look at her.  Big Hero 6 were obviously confused, but the delight she could feel dawning in Sora was mirrored on his face.

“Trio?  But there’s only two of you.”

It stung – they should be three.  Swallowing down the tightness in her chest, she reached out, brushing against Riku, wherever he was, her longing met with a distracted pass of affection.

“Our third is off on another mission right now,” she said, finally.

“That explains the wings,” Honey sighed, “I had wondered.  We’ve got a few people bonding at our University, but I’ve never seen a Flight so young.”

“Is it strange?” Sora wondered.

It was, Kairi knew.  Back at school, people talked and giggled about the possibilities, but there was no real weight behind the ‘someday’s and ‘maybe’s.  Everyone knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon, if at all.

She’d been different, she remembered.  Those first weeks alone, it had been a certainty that her future was already out there, fighting to come home to her.  Even after, during those dark days when a hole burned its way through her memories, her heart, the level of certainty she had, didn’t change.  It simply inverted.  A feeling of “never”, that she’d found her fate and lost it already.

What a blessing, to have been wrong.

“Back to business,” GoGo said, “The monsters, tell us how you managed to take them down.”

And that… that wasn’t easy to answer.  Sora explained about the heartless, but the real issue was that you needed a Keyblade to truly be effective against them.  Hiro insisted their team needed to help, but, as it was…

“Training arc,” Fred insisted, “That’s how it works – when the heroes are brought low, they train up for new powers.

Training… Kairi thought back to the last world, how easily Xehanort had beaten her.  I could use more of that, too.

“Okay,” she said, “But, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to copy what we do.  How are you planning to do this?”

Hiro grinned, “I’ve got an idea – here, put this on.”

“So, I know you have wings, but would you mind not using them for this?” Hiro’s voice came in, scratchy over the radio in her ear as Kairi adjusted the headset, “It’s just, I need to get data within the range of what we’re capable of.”

“Sure, no problem!” Sora said.  He was bouncing on his toes beside her, eager grin on his face, eyes darting between the various simulated lights that were slowly appearing on their visors.

Kairi adjusted the headpiece one more time before shaking out her hands, “What about using them in the same way ghost-wings work?”

Hiro hummed on the other end of the line, “That should be okay.  But don’t forget and go overboard, okay?”

“Well, in that case maybe Sora should avoid it altogether.”

“Wha – hey!”

She ignored his sputtering protests, focus sharpening as the markers on their visors began to condense.

“Well, either way, get ready,” Hiro said, “I’m starting the program… now.”

Numbers appeared in the closest circle, counting down – 5, 4, 3 – Kairi leaned forward on her toes.  Anticipation thrilled through her, bringing her back to younger days, racing along the beach.  The pavement was much firmer than sand, but the feeling of excitement was the same.

“Ready, Sora?”

“Ready!”

2, 1 – the markers lit up, and Kairi pulsed her wings once, the air shooting her forward into a sprint.  The pounding of her pulse I her ears nearly drowned out Sora whooping behind her.

Only a few months in, and she realized how accustomed she’d become to her wings.  Navigating the course laid out on foot felt slow, but there was nothing for it.  Another leap and pulse of her wings lead her on to the overpass – where Sora suddenly sped by.

“What?”

“C’mon, keep up, Kairi!”

Sparks flew from his feet as he grinded along the railing, jumping off as the course curved over to the other side of the path, spreading his wings and gliding along the trail.

“Ah, Sora, watch the wings,” Hiro called over the line.

“Oh, right!”

He folded his wings back in and landed hard on the railing, skidding a few inches before he had to leap off and run, which let her quickly catch up and overtake him.

They chased each other through the course, trading position back and forth – every time she’d pull ahead, he’d pull out some trick she’d never seen before, cutting corners and overtaking her.  Short jaunts up walls, taking advantage of the environment, precise jumps on the smallest footholds – his agility was more than she’d ever seen.

If only he could keep his attention span long enough to remember to keep his wings away.

“No wings, Sora,” Hiro sighed, and Kairi giggled over Sora’s sheepish apology.

Kairi… well, she was faster than him on foot, but she wasn’t having as much luck keeping up with his tricks, she mused, watching him dart up the side of the building using a combination of small decorative ledges and short wall-runs.

But then, she wasn’t without her own abilities.

Reeling back, she threw her Keyblade, sending it flying upwards as far as she could.  Up, up – the moment she saw it change direction, she gathered her magic and pushed, pulling herself to the anchor.  Coming out of the warp halfway up a building was disorienting, her wings coming out instinctively, even as she threw her Key again, warping as quickly as she could. 

One, two, three jumps, and she made it to the top of the building, her aim a bit off at the last jump, leaving her thankful she had her wings out to catch her and close the last few inches between herself and the edge of the roof.

It felt like her skin was vibrating, heart beating fast as she leaned over, panting despite the fact that move didn’t take much from her, physically.  Sora appeared over the edge a few moments later, grinning wide.

“That was so cool!  You’ve gotta show me how to do that!”

“That was impressive,” Hiro’s voice crackled in her ear, “But, Kairi, could you tuck your wings back in?”

“Oh, sorry!”

“Yeah, Kairi, watch the wings!” Sora jeered.

She snorted a laugh, “I don’t want to hear that from you.”

“Heh… c’mon, I think we’re almost to the end!”

When they got back to the hideout, Big Hero 6 immediately began gathering around Hiro’s computer, chattering excitedly over each other.  Sora and Kairi exchanged glances before tucking themselves into the couch in the corner to give them space. 

Sora couldn’t still long without fidgeting, eventually resorting to digging through his pockets.  Potions, extra bits of gear, all things she expected – but also a tangle of little keychains.

“What’re those?” she asked.

“Hm?  Oh, they’re… well, I’m not exactly sure how they work, but they change my Keyblade when I attach them.”

“I see.  Where’d you get them?”

“Hmm, well… I dunno, they kind of just… appear, as I’m traveling and meeting people.  Usually when I help people out with a problem.  Like, I got this one as we were leaving Buzz and Woody.”

“Huh,” she murmured, eyes growing heavy.  Sora continued to chatter, telling stories as she untangled each cord.  Despite her best attempts to listen, the world began to blur around her.  She’d had almost fallen asleep when the sharp trilling of their ring tone went off.

After a brief scramble, they finally managed to figure out who was being called, joy rushing through them as they answered.

“Riku!”

“So, did Yen Sid have any answers for you?  About your Keyblade?”

“Well, I’m… not entirely sure I understood, to be honest,” Riku said.  The infinite back drop of the rift Yen Sid lived in stretched behind him, “He said something about… the reforging of the soul?”

“Yeah, he can be pretty cryptic,” Sora agreed, “But I know you’ll figure it out.”

Riku sighed, “I hope so.  We really can’t afford to wait.”

“So, you’ll be going back to the realm of darkness soon?”

“Yeah.  We’re going to stop by Radiant Garden so Mickey can check in with the crew there, and I’m going to pick up the armor you mentioned, but then…”

“I see.  Stay safe, then,” Kairi said.

“Aw, Riku will be fine – he’s strong!  I just wish we could come with you.”

“What you’re doing is important, too.”

“I know, but – “

Across the room, the computer started to emit a series of shrill beeps, sending Hiro frantically rushing over.

“Looks like you guys are about to get busy,” Riku said, his heart reaching out to brush against theirs, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” Kairi said, reaching back.                     

Love you.

Riku’s face softened.

I love you, too.

“There’s absolutely no sign that anyone from outside our group got into the Castle, no matter how hard I look.”

Riku wasn’t really sure how to feel about Ienzo.  He seemed invested in helping them out, but every time he saw his face, he was reminded of Castle Oblivion, of a trick in an illusion of his home, and ice slithered down his spine.  Thankfully, Ienzo seemed to feel similarly, and they could largely avoid each other.

But not always.

“Have Aeleus or Dilan found anything in Vex – ah, Even’s room?” Riku asked.

“No.  He agrees – there’s no intrusion from the outside that he can find.”

“Then, if it didn’t come from the outside,” Riku hesitated, but he had to ask, “Could it be that Even chose to leave?”

“He wouldn’t,” Ienzo protested, but it was weak, “Or… that’s what I want to say, but – the years in the Organization affected all of us differently.  I want to believe he wouldn’t leave us behind, but I guess I can’t be sure.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter too much, in the end.  Either way, the Organization has access to his research, and the replicas.”

“Yes.  Speaking of which, we’ve almost finished formatting our replica.  I’ll admit I was worried we wouldn’t be able to manage, at first, but it seems Master Ansem recorded almost as much data on Naminé as the Organization had.”

“Yeah,” Riku said, stomach squirming.  He had a lot of regrets, from that year.  Hated how much he’d forcefully blinded himself.  One of the last conversations he’d had with Naminé echoed in his ears:

“Where is she?  Where is Kairi?”

“The Organization has her now.” 

“You didn’t go after her?” 

“I told her we should run.  She chose to go back for Axel.  I, more than anyone, know what lengths they’ll go to in order to keep someone captive.  I couldn’t go back to that – not when it's taken a year to win my freedom.”

“A year?  You’ve been out of Organization hands since last fall.” 

“I don’t mean them.”

“What?”

“You think DiZ would have ever willingly let me go?” 

So blind.  As a kid, Kaiki had accused him of tunnel-vision.  He understood, now.  Had it really only been a year?  He felt like a whole different person.  Shaking his head, he turned back to Ienzo.

“Good.  Maybe Ventus will be here to greet Aqua once we rescue her.”

“You’re not staying?  We should be ready for the transfer in twenty-four to forty-eight hours.””

“No,” he said, “We need to get to Aqua as soon as possible.  I’ll see Naminé when we get back.”

Coward, his heart whispered.  And perhaps he was.

It lingered with him, and he found himself diverting to the lab where Naminé’s body was lain out.  He wasn’t expecting company.

“Dilan.  What are you doing here?”

The man startled, turning to look at him sharply.

“Ah, Riku.  I’m patrolling to make sure there are no intrusions; we can’t be too careful.”

“True,” Riku said.  For a moment, they stared silently down at the empty replica, until he sighed.  Brooding would do nothing – he’d apologize when she was awake.

“Dilan, since you’re here, would you mind helping me to the basement?”

“…yes.  This way.”

Kairi had said the basement was creepy; she might have understated the situation.

At the bottom of what seemed like endless stairs was a small room, containing only a set of earth-colored armor, its head tilted towards the door.  There was a weight to its stare.  Steeling himself, Riku pressed onwards, kneeling by its side and peering into void beyond the visor.

Xeha….nort?

The air turned sharp, threatening, the aura pressing down around him.

“No, I’m not Xehanort.  Though, I have encountered him.  My name is Riku.”

Riku...  Successor.

The air changed, just as charged, just as focused, but almost anticipatory.  Terra’s armor – was this some shade of Terra, left behind?

“I’m going to save Aqua, but I need some help.  Will you let me wear the armor, so I can reach her.”

There was recognition, but no response.  But if this was supposed to be Terra, then, why?  Unless….

“You asked about Xehanort.  The truth is, we’re trying to stop him.”

Xehanort…

The aura surged, powerful – Riku would call it hatred, except it was too empty to be that.  It was nothing but pure, concentrated will.

You will bring me to Xehanort.  We will defeat him.

“Yes,” Riku answered.

There was no other option.  He refused to accept any other fate.

The amour began to glow, then vanished, leaving only a pauldron behind. 

It was strange to wear it, but by the time they got to the top of the stairs the constant awareness had begun to fade.  Dilan was pulled away but Aeleus, and Riku turned to the front to reunite with Mikey.

It was time to return to the Realm of Darkness.

Heartless were crawling all over the city.  The roofs, the little alleys, parading down the streets – no matter where they turned, they found another infestation.

And then there was… something else?

For the fifth time, something shifted in Kairi’s peripheral vision, only to find empty space when she turned.

“Did you see that?”

“See what?” Sora asked, cutting through the last turret before jogging to her side.

“I could have sworn… no, it’s nothing.”

“If you say so.  Hiro, where to next?”

Static crackled in her ear, before his voice came in, “Let’s see, the team have the southern half of the city covered.  It looks like we have growing reports a bit west of you, if you can head – “

An explosion echoed across the city.  They could see the light, even from here, and hear the distant din of screaming.

“Change of plans,” Hiro said, “Head towards that explosion.  I’ve got some of the team redirecting that way as well, to help with the fires.”

“Got it!”

When they touched down, Fred and Honey Lemon were already there, working together to try and get the blaze under control.  They weren’t having much luck, as the strange creatures at the center kept interfering and adding to the chaos.

“We’re here,” Sora called, “Where are the others?”

Honey Lemon generated another ball, which exploded in a cloud of foam, suffocating the flames, before turning to them, “They’re still taking care of the heartless in the southern district.  Fred and I are the best for damage control here – but do you two think you can contain that monster?”

Kairi nodded as Sora pumped his fist, “Leave it to us!”

They leaped in together.  Kairi reached for Sora through their bond, finding him reaching back, their hearts beating together.  One from above, one from below, passing feelings back and forth together – anticipation, wariness, determination – every step was in concert.

She’d fallen so deep into the pattern, she nearly flinched when Hiro’s voice crackled in her ear.

“Wait, something’s weird about this one….”

He went quiet – but apparently forgot to disconnect, because she could hear him tapping away at the keyboard, and then the quiet horrified whisper:

“No… microbots?”

“You know what they are?” Sora chimed in, and Kairi winced as Hiro sucked in a sharp breath, the microphone audio peaking.

“I might, but… they should be gone forever.”

“Okay,” Kairi said, “Do you know how to stop it?”

“I – I’m not sure.  Let me see what I can find.”

“Great!” Wasabi cut in over the line, “Because I think there’s more of them.”

“Definitely more of them,” Gogo said, “I’m – ugh!  Getting cornered over here.”

“We’ll come help!” Sora said.

Kairi frowned, “But, what about the ones here?”

“You’ll have to split up,” Hiro decided.

Kairi exchanged a pained look with Sora, but she could feel the determination building in him behind the reluctance.

“You handle things here,” he said, and she nodded even as he spread his wings.

“Be safe,” she said.

“You, too.”

“Okay,” Hiro spoke up some time later, “I think I figured it out.  Somewhere in there is a core - that’s the only way to hurt it.  I’ll be over there soon!”

“No, Hiro,” Gogo’s voice came in sharp across the line, “We need you there – you need to figure out how the microbots got out, and how we can make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“I can’t just leave you out there alone!”

“Hiro.  We are a team – and teams delegate.  We need you at the garage.  We trust you, so you trust us.”

Listen to her, Kairi thought, an ache in her chest she didn’t understand, Listen to her, don’t try to do it alone.

“Okay,” he said, and a sigh of relief went up from all across the line, “For now, I’m going to put a marker on your visors – it should show you where the core is.”

Kairi lost track of how long she’d been keeping these microbots contained, when suddenly they froze – then turned, rushing away.

“Uh, guys?” Wasabi said, “Anyone else seeing this?”

“Hah!  They’re running scared!” Fred crowed.

“No,” Hiro said, “They’re converging.  Here.”

A map popped up in the corner of her vision, a marker placed on top of a tall tower.  They all convened at that point – Kairi with her half of the team, Sora with his, to find the microbots swirling around a short figure in a dark coat, dropping something into his hands.

“The black coat – he’s back?” GoGo hissed.

“You’ve seen him before?” Sora asked.

Kairi kept her eyes pinned on the Organization member as their heads towards them, gleaming yellow eyes staring out at them from beneath the hood.

“Hey,” he called, “Are you done messing around?”

“That voice - !”

Kairi found herself reaching for Riku instinctively, even as she knew it was an impossibility.  Riku reached back, confused but accommodating, and she held him close, unable to explain.

“Hmph,” he knocked back the hood, revealing silver hair and a familiar face.

“Riku?” Sora wondered, “Is… Is this more time traveling?”

“Huh,” the Organization said, “maybe you’re not as dumb as I thought you were.”

But that didn’t sit right.  Something was wrong with that.  He looked like Riku.  That was his voice, but – the tilt of his head, the roll of his shoulders, the inflections – it wasn’t right. 

And yet, behind her own feelings, another heart leapt in recognition, as if nothing could be more right.  There was a tug in her chest, a magnetic pull, coming from somewhere deep inside her.  Suddenly, the dissonance clicked into place.

“No,” she said, voice not entirely her own, that foreign heart beating wildly, “That’s not Riku.”

Hitoshi…

Next

[azenari]

reo | 11.6.20

originally written for a teacher and a friend -- “You don't always get the dog you want, but you get the dog that you need.”

Thanks to some combination of nature and nurture, I’ve been a fairly high-strung, anxious person for as long as I can remember. Emotionally, I have a lot to work through when it comes to self-esteem, belonging, and neuroses/insecurity as it pertains to my relationships. I lost my mother unexpectedly at a young age and was the one who discovered her body when I came home from school one day. I have intense survivor’s guilt, and I’m constantly waiting for the floor to fall out from under me because I’ve been hyper-aware ever since that moment that it can happen anytime.

I struggled with depression for a number of years - mostly alone or with the support of other friends who were also struggling - and made a couple suicide attempts which, thankfully, did not succeed. I had some less-than-ideal experiences with psychiatrists because strangers put pressure on my father, a single dad and a widower, to seek professional help because I smiled and thanked them for coming to my mother’s funeral (which I thought was what she would’ve wanted me to do. I still think that). It took me years to come around to the fact that maybe I’d just seen the wrong therapists at the wrong time, vs. believing that therapy just wasn’t for me.

This shift in mindset occurred not a moment too soon, because after years of denial, I recognized that one of my closest personal relationships was and had been increasingly abusive (culminating in sexual assault). I developed and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). At last, I went to therapy. This time, I was lucky to find someone who could help me - in her words, it was also because I was ready to be helped.

It’s been a few years since then, and while I’m not always successful at maintaining a healthy state of mind and body, I’m a lot better than I used to be. I listen to myself a lot more, for one. I’m working through the survivor’s guilt. I’m lucky to be married to someone I consider both a best friend and a soulmate, the latter of which I thought was more of a fairytale than anything else until I met him. I have trust. I have people and places I call home. I sleep and eat on a regular basis. I still challenge and push myself in life because that’s who I’ve always been, but in such a way where I can really feel the joy in doing it, rather than the dread of waiting for myself to fail.

Three years ago, I made a decision I knew I would always make someday, deep in my gut. I decided to get a dog.

I’ve always been a “dogs welcome, people tolerated” person. My family and I have been rescuing sick, lost, or injured animals since I was a little girl. When I was growing up, my best friend - and the only living being in the world I felt comfortable confiding all my thoughts in - was our neighbor’s dog, who was born and brought home the same year that I was. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever met a dog I didn’t love at first sight.

I was 23 by the time I’d saved the financial resources and created the infrastructure I thought I would need to support a dog. I was incredibly lucky to already have one - my husband’s dog, Nyx, who by that point was 2 years old and the absolute joy of our lives. Though she started as his dog, Nyx became our dog and continues to see us both as her parents; but she was his decision, and he brought her up with his own two hands (a Herculean feat for a 21-year-old navigating his first job) while I was still in school.

While I would’ve loved to adopt a bigger dog, my husband and I lived in a small apartment in Los Angeles and knew we didn’t have the space to support one, so we decided to look for another mini Australian Shepherd or Shepherd mix who would be a good companion for Nyx. I intended to rescue, so I followed a lot of rescues in the area, waiting for a puppy I could learn to raise myself. In the midst of all this research, I made the mistake of following a single breeder: A teacher with a family farm in Northern California who bred miniature Australian Shepherds and Italian Greyhounds out of sheer love for both, which I thought was such a hilarious combination that I wanted to follow their activities from afar.

A couple of months went by, and the teacher in Northern California posted about a new litter of mini Aussies on Facebook. She uploaded pictures one by one, and we followed along, trying to hold ourselves back - which became easy enough because one after the other, someone would claim the newest puppy in record time and ask to bring them home.

One day, she posted a picture of a puppy that was one of the smallest in the litter and frankly didn’t look anything like any other Aussie - or even dog - that we had seen before. When we saw him, even though it was technically just a photo, it felt like he was looking straight at us. I remember showing him to my husband (then boyfriend) and the first words out of his mouth were: “Is that our dog?” … Call it a gut instinct.

Knowing that we wanted to rescue and imagining that this puppy, like the others, would not have any trouble finding a forever home, we told ourselves that we would wait a week and see what happened. Usually in a matter of 24-48 hours, the dog would be spoken for. But for some reason… days went by, and no one came for the puppy.

I caved and sent the teacher a message.

After what felt simultaneously like a lifetime but also five seconds, I was flying to Sacramento to meet her and bring our baby home. I remember the moment when she gently placed him in my arms. It felt like something that had been empty in my chest for years was suddenly not empty anymore. I know people describe human motherhood as a singular experience, but as someone who had gone through life for years questioning whether she would ever form a permanent connection with any living creature - or have anyone or anything to come home to - I can’t imagine that the moment I have a child (if I’m lucky enough to have a child) will feel too different from the moment I held Reo for the first time.

I remember the first night as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. We ordered a crate beforehand, but a long and complicated series of circumstances led to me having to fly to pick him up the day before the crate would arrive. That night, he and I both slept on the couch - he with his body mostly in his carrier, curled up on a blanket that smelled like his siblings, with the door partially open to give him room to stretch and breathe - me haphazardly tucked next to him with one hand lightly touching his back just so I would know if something happened. He slept pretty peacefully, actually, but I woke up every 15 minutes in a panic, worrying that something would happen to him or that I would do something wrong or that he would disappear and this would’ve all been a dream. But he was there every time I opened my eyes.

Fast forward a few years later and Reo is, for the most part, a goofy, roly-poly force of nature who is incredibly loving to the people he considers to be his “pack”. He’s also... anxious and fairly high-strung (where have we heard that before?), especially around strangers - and especially if he perceives there to be a potential threat to his mother, who he seems to constantly worry is at risk of being attacked. God willing, I don’t think he’ll ever have to experience finding my dead body one day when he comes home from school; nevertheless, he seems to have inherited the lingering, irrational paranoia I developed from that experience.

I’m no different, really. PTSD isn’t something that truly goes away. At best, it’s dormant, manageable, something I’ve learned to appreciate as an indicator of when my body feels overwhelmed or unsafe. I’m still generally anxious, neurotic, and high-strung; and though I’ve learned to not let it dictate the way I live my life, I’m also still a little insecure.

I’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it from humans. But I’m incapable of hiding it from my dog.

Which brings me to where we are today. Like me, Reo is the way he is through some combination of nature and nurture. He’s always going to be a little anxious about life, and I only gave him more reasons to feel constant concern. We’re both too aware, too worried, too afraid of the million things that could go wrong at any given moment.

On the other hand - like me, Reo is also capable of change. And growth. And building trusting relationships with others, based on a shared understanding that you reinforce through time and practice until you slowly start to believe it might be real.

Reo and I have both learned to perceive our physical home as the only true “safe space” we have in the world. Despite our mutual love for adventure, fear of all aforementioned things that could go wrong keeps either of us from wanting to leave. After a lifetime of constant harassment from strangers (predominantly male, predominantly malicious, always a vivid reminder of abuse), I’m on high alert every time I leave the house, and that compounds when I bring him with me. My dormant PTSD symptoms seem to stir like sleeping lions as soon as we so much as swing open the door. For both of us, there are triggers lurking around every corner, waiting to scare us into giving up.

But if we continue hiding within the confines of these four walls, we’ll miss out on so many of the joys of life. And even if I could’ve reconciled myself to that type of existence, I don’t want him to suffer the same fate just because I’m terrified to set foot outside.

So we’re working through it. We’re fortunate to have a strong, loving, and patient support system. We’re fortunate to have the financial resources to ask for professional help. Recently, we met our “therapist” - a teacher and behaviorist who can understand and guide us both. Based on how our first day went, I think we both instinctively recognize that she’s the right person to help us, because she understands where both of us are coming from. To Jo: I don’t know what it is you went through, or what your triggers and traumas are… but even just from our interaction today, it felt like you could recognize my experience, especially in seeing how it manifested in my relationship with Reo. I realize we’re asking you to train me a lot more than we’re asking you to train him. I’m deeply grateful that you're still willing to do it.

I know it doesn’t seem like it when we’re out there, but I have a lot of conviction when it comes to this relationship. Of course, I think my body (easily triggered, hyper-reactive, always the most skeptical part of my ecosystem) has a hard time believing that we’re going to be okay. My mind has its moments; sometimes it thinks we’re going to be, sometimes it has to fight itself to remember what we’re working towards.

My heart, on the other hand, has remained hopeful through all of these experiences. It’s part of the reason I’m still here. And my heart really, truly believes that we’ll get there - we being Reo, and also me.

I’ve spent a lot of time wishing that Reo had better luck finding a mother. Someone who was sure of herself. Someone a little less traumatized, less anxious, less afraid… but the fact of the matter is he wound up with me. Instead of wishing that I could be someone else, I’m going to focus on being grateful that he came to me when I needed him most. I’ve done a lot of healing over the last few years, and we’ve both come pretty far relative to where we started. But we still have a long way to go.

For his sake, and my sake, I want to keep moving forward.

[messygray]

Hellish Enticement

just don't go where i can't follow, Huo "Casimir" Xue Yi

Standing between the heavenly and hellish gates, Casimir Huo isn’t sure where his “life” would lead him next. The decision, his choice, weighing in on his shoulders like the angel and the devil, whispering the good in his ear, only bringing up the bad in an attempt to make the other side less tempting. 

To any normal individual, the choices should have been as clear as the water of the cleanest river. Crystal and to be honest… blunt. In a very ‘in your face’ sorta heaven’s the only real option here.

But the question lies in whether Casimir Huo, traitor to the state and a former defector, could be considered a “normal” individual.

Broken, bruised and beaten into pretty blue and purple hues- no, the boy was not normal. And had never come close. 

Born from the lack of empathy, born to be thrown away or sacrificed by those who ‘owned’ his physical body- by his parents, by the government of Arcadia. 

Yet the gates of heaven are open, beckoning for the broken man to enter, to pick the right side and enjoy the rest of his death in the comfort of perfect mortal and virtue. It would be a comfortable eternity there- as long as he followed the rules, abided by the angels’ laws, and did “good” for the mortals who would eventually testify in the same fate as he. Heaven was still giving the gangly boy a chance, already believing the good in his heart that hid, tucked away in some corner as the world berated his very existence. Perhaps one could have argued that despite all the actions that lead Casimir spiraling down a path that did not seem the “morally correct” of many, he never once thought to completely secure his win against the former team that was left standing for the opposing side. 

Or perhaps heaven still saw the boy as just that- a lost boy who needed the guidance of the saintly to get back on his feet. Perhaps heaven believed that something- someone, could change those who no longer could be fixed on Earth. And they would be able to assimilate Casimir right back into his rightful place among the other wronged souls. 

Regardless, Heaven held its hand out for Casimir, doors open and beckoning. 

Even as the man looked to the other side of dark, and deadly sins. 

Of course, while Heaven hand-picked its entrants, granting admission only for those who deserved their place in heaven, the opposing force couldn’t be more different. Because the hellish gates of demonic things held its devious hands open to all; whispering sweet, sweet nothings into the ears of all souls who were stupidly gullible enough to believe the lies. 

But maybe Casimir didn’t blame them for the final missteps of each former living. Not when a dark silhouette stands tall and proud, semi-hidden from what seemed to be a misty foreground, yet Casimir knew exactly who it was. Waiting for him on the other side (-even if he would never have wanted Casimir to pick him, that is.) The slightly taller of the two had always been compelling in his ways, fortunately or unfortunately for Casimir. And although his next choices would come to feel a little stupid- just as hell had hoped, somehow the boy always knew where his heart would lie. 

(And just like him- hell tempted all the haplessly lost ones with thoughts of their loved ones, with those that they cherished. In hopes that they’d walk down the wrong path, to capture another.)

Casimir may have gone first- always the first in line when it came to misfortune, someday he wouldn’t be alone. Or- that was the hope, anyway. 

And if Hell was hinting at the fact that Ethan would someday join him, then surely– Hell must have been the correct choice. After all, where that man went, this boy followed; like a puppy whose lost all direction, so the only ‘north star’ in his eyes was the man who he adored more than anything in this world and the next. 

Though Casimir did hope that their reunion wouldn’t be for quite a while- just stay alive a little longer, you fool. He thinks, even as the boy casually shoves his hands into his pockets and takes his first step through Hell’s gates. He doesn’t look back or take a second glance over his shoulder.

Casimir knows he’s making a definitive decision for what he couldn’t go back on. There was no need to look back, if he had no other choices he could take now. 

“Just…”

“Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

The vice mutters to himself in the manner that was so familiar to Ethan’s second in command. 

And then he’s gone, vanished into the darkness, knowing that this final step in his journey was one that he wouldn’t have a chance to regret.

[venomous--fics]

Anon Requested: Omg wait can i request a fic where reader feels like they aren’t good enough for eddie and venom so reader breaks up with them and eddies sad and just a lot of angst (BUT happy ending) if not thats okay !

A/n: Day 5!! I'm think about just extending the weekathon to the entire month! Not too sure yet, but I should decide quickly huh!! I just think it'd be fun to do something like that. Maybe get more and more festive along the way. What do you think?

Song: Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish

"So, that's just it? You're just gonna up and leave and not tell us why?"

He wanted to sound mad, but his voice gave it all away. You couldn't stand the thought of what you were doing to them both. You couldn't even bring yourself to look at them as you left. You didn't even bother to grab your things. You just left emptyhanded.

Subconsciously, maybe you knew you'd find your way back eventually. But...Not now.

The weight of the world began to crush you with every step you took away from their place. You knew they were watching you from the window. If you had to leave, they'd at least make sure you'd stay safe.

It all felt like a cruel punchline to an unfunny joke. How could you be such a fool to think you'd be good for them? They....They were a protector. A lethal one, but still a protector. They helped people and saved the world from every threat imaginable. You sometimes couldn't even drag yourself out of bed.

It didn't seem fair to drag them down like that. They deserved better. They deserved the world, and you just couldn't give them that. Someday they'd find someone who would.

That night was spent alone on a friend's spare guest bed. The world was so quiet. There were no streetlights beaming into your room. There was no more sounds of late night traffic or the people talking and walking as they passed under your shared window.

There was no more fighting Venom for the comforter because he'd purposely hog it just to get your attention. It always worked. There wasn't the usually jokes about forgetting to set your alarms for the work morning ahead.

You simply set your alarm and laid down. The world seemed so much colder and emptier. It didn't seem fun and bright anymore. The bed felt much more spacious now.. The pillows felt too squishy and new. The sheets looked nothing like his.

Staring at the wall wasn't going to put you to sleep any faster, so you rolled over and clamped your eyes shut. You willed yourself to not cry.

The tv kept repeating the same old stuff. Robbery after robbery. Someone got shot. A car accident. Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow.

We should be fixing that..

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore."

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore either, V."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Normally there'd be some form of a pep talk from you, but now.. Your spot on the couch was empty. All that was there to suggest that you even existed was your favorite throw pillow.

With hesitation, Eddie grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap. It still looked brand new, and that's simply because you always knew how to take care of things. Nothing of yours ever really got broken or misplaced..And you always knew just how to handle things.

"I miss them."

A thought they shared in common. It's felt like months, but it's only been a couple of weeks. Your things were still occupying space here. It was almost torturous having to look at them each day and know that you weren't going to come home.

It was that thought that broke them both. They curled up on the couch, sad and defeated. The world was incomplete because you weren't here to make ti better. A rough day at work? You'd say, "Oh, don't worry." as you made some hot coco to relax with. Emotions getting out of control? You were always there with ways to fix them.

Did they take you for granted? Did they forget to cherish you? Did they do something wrong? Everyone always told them that they were just screwups who ruined everything, so maybe they just fucked it up again.

Maybe they'd learn to live with it. Just not today.

It's just not home anymore. Home is where you were.

The rain was awfully heavy today. But you were thankful. Today was hitting you harder than the last few. You were stumbling down the sidewalk, tears streaming down your face. Nothing seemed to hold any meaning anymore. You'd pass by Mrs. Chen's shop, and normally you'd stop by there to get Eddie and V a snack or two. But now, you simply keep walking.

Today you just let your body walk. To where? Wherever you felt like you needed to go. You were so tired, and so worn down. That only help cement in the fact that you just... You were an absolute nobody. Who could love a nobody?

If only you were born gifted with the brains, the talents or even the powers. Maybe you'd be worth something. Maybe you'd see yourself as more. Maybe if you felt like you held any importance to anyone, you'd find a reason to stick around anywhere, with anyone.

Despite wanted to be more to literally anyone, all you could think is being better for them. They meant so much, no, no, they mean so much to you. It felt so dumb and childish to be so hung up on two of the goofiest creatures on this planet. You couldn't lie to anyone. You were hopelessly in love with Eddie Brock, a man who truly was a breed of his own. And you were in love with Venom, an alien with a heart bigger than his stomach but he's too embarrassed to say it.

You don't want to love them anymore. Because you still believe it was better to not be with them.

You slumped against a light post and wiped your eyes. You tried everything to stop the tears from flowing, but that only made them multiply. You'd scold yourself if you had the energy.

The world really did begin to feel more and more empty. People seemed to walk pass and not even give you a second glance. None of them cared, and to be honest, neither did you. Normally you never noticed other people, because you'd be so wrapped up in whatever it was you and Eddie, and yes, Venom too, were doing.

But they aren't here anymore. You were back to where you started. Alone and afraid of what the world had in store. You used to wake up knowing what you'd be doing...But now you weren't sure.

You remained leaned against the streetlight for an eternity. The sun had set and the moon had risen, yet you remained put. Everything was cold now. The rain had subsided, but the light continued to drip down on you, but even then, you didn't have the willpower to move.

It's better to be cold than to have never been warm, right? That is how the saying goes...Right?

You sniffled, waiting for the next set of drops to hit your head, but they never did. You slowly looked up and saw someone's hands holding up a jacket. They looked like they were doing their best to hold it up like an umbrella, and without touching you. You recognized the jacket immediately, even just from seeing the inside of it. You'd worn it so many times.

You stood up straight and turned around, being greeted with the sight of Eddie. He looked just as tired as you, and just as lost. He looked like he had a million things to say, but it seems like the cat had his tongue.

The universe was giving you a chance. For some reason.

"I'm sorry." was the first thing to spill out of your mouth.

"We're sorry, too."

"You didn- It was me. I was.." You took a step back from under the jacket, but it seems like Venom wasn't having any of that. He moved Eddie's body for him, this time, draping the jacket on your shoulders.

You gently crossed your arms and held them close, appreciating the gesture now.

"You can leave now. If you want." Eddie moved back a little, "We just saw that you were cold.."

"I don't want to go." you gripped onto the jacket, trying to fight the new wave of tears threatening to come out, "I just.. I had to because I felt like I wasn't good enough."

You were about to ramble on when Eddie cut you off, "That's why you left?"

"I'm sorry." You felt like you could just curl up and die on the sidewalk.

You looked down, staring at the cracks that littered the walkway. You'd find someway to make this poetic.

Two hands, one human and the other very much not, wrapped themselves around you as they pulled you into a warm embrace.

"Did we make you feel that way?"

The way Eddie's voice cracked made your arms go limp at your sides.

"No. I made myself feel that way- But I can't help it. You guys do so much good and I-"

"We love you."

The hug got tighter, "We used to do what we did because it was the right thing to do. But then we met you and it all changed. It seems so cliche to say that, but...It's true."

"You're just saying that."

"We adore you. We promised to do everything we can to make sure we leave this world a better place for you."

Your hands shook as your fought with yourself. You wanted to hold them just as close as they were holding you, but you felt-

"I don't deserve this.."

Unworthy.

In typical Brock fashion, and never knowing how to truly deal with his emotions, Eddie clung to you, almost pleading, "Would you just listen to what we're saying."

"You can't love me."

"Why the hell not? Huh? Whose going to stop us?"

"Nobody's going to stop us."

"Why is it me. Out of all the worthy people, why me?"

"You're such a good person. I know you don't see that..But you're the kindest person I've ever met."

"Certainly the nicest I've met..."

Every last word you wanted to yell out into the night sky just vanished from your mind. You wrapped your arms around Eddie and squeezed as hard as you could.

"How many times do we have to say it to make you believe it?"

"I'll say it a billion times," Eddie said, "Most guys would quit at a million but me? I don't know when to quit."

"It's true. He doesn't. But if saying it a billion times gets you to come home, then I'd do it a million more than him."

"I," You started, taking in a deep shaky breath, "I wanna go home regardless."

"We can talk more there if you're comfortable."

"With coco."

"I would like that."

The walk home was a talkative one.

Eddie's hand held yours tightly, but not too tight. He was so afraid that if he didn't hold it firmly enough, you'd simply slip away again. He was sure as hell not letting that happen again.

The apartment looked the exact same as when you left. You were so surprised by that. Normally they'd be a mess if you were gone for too long, and the apartment would reflect that.

"It all looks the same."

"Oh. Yeah." Eddie busied himself with fetching the hot chocolate ingredients.

"We couldn't bring ourselves to ruin your hard work...Or move your things." For the first time, Venom seemed sad.

They both seemed tired. You wanted to feel bad, knowing that they felt that way because of you. But knowing that they loved you meant that they felt bad, not because of you, but because you were gone.

Without thinking, your hand reached out and grabbed Eddie's arm, startling him a little.

"Can we go lay down for a little bit.." you asked quietly, "I think we all need a little rest."

Relief washed over him as he set down the cups and lead the way to the bedroom. There was no more words as you three crashed onto the mattress. Venom used a small tendril to turn the lamp off and pull you closer to Eddie.

"Are you okay with loving a nobody like me?" you asked as you watched him shut his eyes.

"Are you okay with loving two nobodies?"

"We are all losers."

Venom pulled a blanket over you and Eddie, going so far as to fluff the pillows under your heads.

"And that's okay. I love us the way we all are."

You yawned for the first time in ages as your eyes closed, "I love us too."

There was that familiar light coming through the window. And there was the sounds of the cars and the people. The world felt just right and you were home. You moved closer to Eddie and placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips, and his arms were quick to wrap around you.

You felt a soft tendril wrap around your arm.

"I know what you're feeling and what you're thinking." His voice sounded surprisingly quiet, "But you are more than enough for us. We don't say it, but sometimes we feel the same way. You could certainly do better than us. But.."

The tendril tighten a little, but not enough to really do much.

"You left and we realized...We don't know what to do without you. We didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It felt pointless."

You turned your head to look at your arm, seeing two small white eyes staring at you with a mixture of sadness and adoration.

"I know I'm not good with these human emotions..I might never be good with them, but..I know that I love you. And Eddie loves you too. We always try our best to show you..But you are truly all we need to be happy in this life."

You were a bit shocked with how much Venom had to say. Most of the time, he tried to use the least amount of words possible to get his point across, so you knew that he meant it.

"You both complete me, and for once, I finally have the courage to say it, because I don't know when I'll get the chance to say it again."

You smiled softly at him, and moved your arm in a way where you could place a soft kiss onto the top of his tiny little worm head.

"I won't leave again. I promise we can talk about it first."

"Talking is good."

"I love you, V."

"I love you too." He seemed to pause as he shot a glance up to Eddie, just to make sure he was still asleep, "More than that guy."

"Not possible." Eddie groaned, adjusting a little.

You smiled a little as you curled up under the blanket and actually shut your eyes for good for the night. Finally, a good night's rest. You still had doubts, maybe not many and none as big and frightening as before, but that was normal.

Not everything in life is a given or a certainty. You're not promised to tomorrow and it's not a give that you'll be a millionaire. But where you are now is where you're supposed to be. Don't doubt it. The two halves of your heart will quite literally walk to the ends of the universe just to see you smile, and that's more than enough for you.

[tteokdoroki]

an ode to winter | dabi.

♡ pairing: dabi/touya todoroki x fem!reader.

♡ word count: 14.1K

♡ rating: mature, 18+, mdni.

♡ genre: manga war arc!au, single-parent!au, unplanned pregnancy!au,  angst, fluff, smut.

♡ summary: touya todoroki had broken a lot of things, your heart, promises, your window a few times, but you swore he'd never leave your child feeling that way. but when he wants back into your life, will he take no for an answer? And do you even want to say it?

♡ warning(s): please read ! heavy smut, ( literally 5k of it ), MANGA SPOILERS IN THE EXTENDED ENDING,  mentions of pregnancy, mentions of semi-toxic!relationships, struggling with parenting, blackmail ??,   unprotected sex ( wrap it before you tap it, losers ), handjobs, oral sex ( female receiving ), fingering ( female receiving ),  choking, branding, squirting, spit!kink, needy touya lol <3

♡ author’s note(s): OK so this started out as a fic for my bestie @ozzy-bozzy​ but then turned into this long ass vent fic bc i do be struggling!! i’ve barely written for touya so apologies if his character is off. special thanks to @bakugous-trauma for beta reading n @doinmybesthere for the summary and beta reading and thanks for 4.7K MWAH <3

♡ masterlist | requests

the snow had fallen heavy that day, its flakes dancing along the window panes while you’d brought her into the world. you hated the cold, the way it nipped at your nose and stung at your cheeks, how it could freeze over a heart so badly that it would take years to thaw it out. you’d complained about the ice sheets that frosted your windows to the doctors, the ones on the roads too, but they’d simply wrote it off as your anxieties related to bringing kori home for the first time in such weather.

funnily enough, your daughter much resembled the cold in many ways. you’d named her ‘kori’; meaning ice, since her hair was white as the crisp blanket of winter outside and her eyes a piercing shade of aqua marine, that for a while, had no meaning written behind them except for a cool curiosity that you knew didn’t come from your side of the family. she wasn’t warm either, the first time you held her, her flesh against yours was almost a painful spark of frostbite— you expected that it was related to the lineage she came from too.

you thought that you’d resent kori when she was born; for the struggles that her new life had brought to you. you’d given birth alone and afraid, having lost friends and contact with your family due to keeping your pregnancy a secret. if they had known who caused you to end up in this situation in the first place, you were sure you’d have lost them all anyways. you hadn’t a chance to attend maternity classes due to the hours you worked in order to ensure yourself and your child’s financial security. although, prior to her arrival, dabi had told you that if you chose to give your daughter the todoroki name; you both would be looked after when the right time came.

and like a fool in love, you’d believed him, avoiding the apologetic gazes of the doctors and midwives who’d delivered your baby as you filled out her paperwork and birth certificate. one nurse even asked you if you wanted to contact endeavour for support, and you couldn’t blame her— the rumours of your child potentially being that of natsuo todoroki’s had spread fast through the hospital and it was a given, figuring his bad boy college reputation. natsuo and his ventures into the college life were no stranger to the media, so it didn’t surprise you nor the doctors to believe that this wasn’t the first time a girl had given birth alone to a todoroki child. you suspected that if there were any, enji todoroki would have paid them off.

so you let them believe what ever false truth that might have plagued the hospital walls about yourself and your daughter— not having the heart to tell them that you’d probably receive a much larger sum of money to keep hush about the child that you mothered and the child who’s father belonged to endeavour’s deceased, eldest son.

so you realised, thumb held by the chubby hand of your sweet infant girl; that you couldn’t hate her for the mistakes you’d made and the mess you’d become tangled up in— you could only promise to do your best in raising her despite the odds and difficult circumstances, you could give her the life and childhood that her father never had but most certainly deserved.

“miss yn...”

your midwife; himari enters the room, calling for you— tearing your gaze away from the hypnotising sea-foam eyes belonging to your daughter, the way she looked at you only reminding you of dabi. you’d told him once that his eyes always took you to the mediterranean sea, to which he’d laughed and mentioned you’d never seen it before. when the pair of you realised that this was true, the boy with the black hair and intoxicating stare made an oath to you, that he would take you there someday so you could bask in the warm sun and dip your toes into the clear oceans. you only hoped that this oath still remained true.

“miss yn...” himari tries again, this time stepping further into your hospital room. your thoughts had carried you so far away that you hadn’t realised how close she’d gotten as she lingered by your cot. her hands lay flat against her pale blue uniform, nails you note—neatly trimmed— and a smile that would have made you feel comfortable had you not known she’d volunteered to care for you because she too believed she’d be paid off by endeavour. you almost felt bad that she thought the silly lie was true and that she had a shot at a big time bonus but it was funny to think that no one would believe her when she eventually took to the news to claim that she cared for the next heir of the todoroki empire. “it’s says here, that kori is scheduled for feeding— i was wondering if you wanted to continue breast feeding or try pumping a bottle or two today?”

chewing on the inside of your cheek, you hum with hesitance. feeding kori was something you’d never discussed with dabi, some of the nurses had assured you that it was possible for you to do both— so that you could grow closer to your daughter and form a tight bond whilst also giving the opportunity to others to feed her when need be. there weren’t many others, but you figured that dabi might want to give bottle feeding a whirl when he finally returned from the league business. the business that had made him miss his little girl’s birth.

kori gargles from hunger in your arms, drawing your attention back to her tiny form. a stray strand of hair curls against her forehead from underneath her blankets and swaddling— the end you notice has a slight tint of red to it. the icy shell around your heart thaws. glancing back up to himari; you grin with a decision in mind. “i’d like to try breast feeding again, we can use the pump tomorrow.” you say, voice quiet.

“do you need any help getting her to latch?” your midwife asks, aiding you into a comfortable position to feed kori.

“no,” you smile after getting settled, pushing down your gown to expose your breast to your little girl. “i’ve got her, i can take care of her.”

you say the words more so to yourself than to himari, a hidden reassurance that you’re more than capable of raising your daughter on your own.

for now at least.

that winter, dabi never came home.

the snow melts, the flowers bloom and the seasons change. your daughter grows with the swift transition of the weathers too, her hair is a little longer now but the small curl of red against her forehead remains hidden and the same. her eyes open wider, still that deep shade of ocean blue, she can sit up on her own, throws toys out of her crib  and her favourite movies are bambi and bambi two. they’re the only things that she watches, which you hate, because they remind you of her. an innocent child who loses one parent and is left in the care of the emotionally closed off other.

you hadn’t realised how much you would need dabi, but still he is nowhere to be seen.

raising kori on your own proves a challenge, especially now that she’s a little bigger— it was easy after she was born; she was quiet and only made a fuss when she was hungry or needed to be changed. went down easy too, that was until her wails reared their ugly head as soon as the colder parts of winter hit. no matter what you did, the girl would cry for hours on end until her face would hurt from how scrunched it was and her fingers would turn red from the grip she had on your hands.

since her birth, you and kori had to move three times due to the noise complaints about her consistent crying throughout the day, evening and night. by the time february rolled around, you’d ended up in an apartment not so far from dabi’s old neighbourhood— it was a shitty area with high crime rates and an eerie feel to it that made you clutch your purse tighter when you walked home from the late night shifts— you had never had any intentions to raise kori in a dump like this, you wanted a better life for her than what dabi had, but your shabby two bedroom apartment in the dark side of town would be enough for now.

the rent was cheap since your current boss at the local grocers market was close friends with the building manager, but your boss was also a sleaze who thought offering you an extra 10% off of your weekly shop and an expired coupon for the coffee joint down the street would be enough to get into your pants. he was just another thing on your list that you hated about the world, about the current life you lead but you needed to keep him close to keep your rent low and a roof over your head.

besides, it had been a few days since you last saw him at work— the asshole was probably taking a few days to himself while you and your colleagues practically ran the store.

you can’t leave kori with a sitter; they never worked with her. your daughter was far too temperamental for the average person and would spend one night with her before taking their pay and quitting. the only person able to handle your beloved little girl was the old lady who lived two floors above yours, mrs. yamamoto. she was a sweet woman, widowed by fifteen years and had taken a liking to kori that one time you’d helped with her groceries when she couldn’t make it out in the february winter after your little girl was born.

it seemed kori liked mrs yamamoto as well, she was only ever quiet in the woman’s presence and you put it down to how high she had the heat up in her apartment. one time, it was up so high the power in the building went out for an entire night— which was hell for you since kori wouldn’t stop bawling. however; you appreciated the help, you’re sure that without the help of the elder woman you would have been far under the surface— drowning in regret.

but sometimes, it’s easy for the darker emotions to slip through the cracks— take a choke hold over your sanity. there would be nights where guilt would consume you and tears would flow heavily down your cheeks while your daughter slept. it was hard being alone, no one to confide in about the troubles of parenting or to reassure you that you were doing a good job at taking care of your child.

it didn’t help that winter was coming up again, kori’s first birthday fast approaching. the sudden milestone only made you wish that dabi was around more — it hurt you to know that there was possibility he’d run out on you and his responsibilities as a father but part of you believed that your lover was better. the eldest todoroki son appeared way too excited throughout your pregnancy to leave you with nothing.

despite not being able to make it to appointments due to his criminal nature, dabi had somehow manged to find the money to get you a 4D ultra sound of your baby, telling you a few odd jobs here and there allowed him to scrape the cash together. you never asked what it was that he did, afraid of what you might find in the eyes of the man that you loved so much.

why did you allow yourself to love a man who wouldn’t have given you the time of day if he hadn’t broken into your home? his seafoam eyes a glowing shade as he threatened your life through shards of broken glass and then wails of cop sirens outside. were you just as broken as he? had you not realised it yet? you could blame this whole mess on the fact that he kept coming back, but you always let him back in. dabi was a broken man who only knew blood and grit and grime and you were the girl with a chance to lead a normal life— yet you poured all of your heart and all of your soul into loving him because you were so sure that you could fix him.

and every single time you’d convinced him, convinced yourself that what you had could be normal and domestic— dabi would slip between your sheets, pinning you to your bed with your name heavy on your lips and the emotion of love painted into the turquoise flecks in his eyes. they burned with passion while his heated cock sunk between your plush thighs and welcomed him into your warmth. the moans you’d share while your skin slapped together, creating a bubble of safety where you were the only two people on the world.

dabi made promises against your swollen lips as his fingers swirled hidden messages of desire into your slick, puffy clit. he couldn’t give you the ring, the wedding or the house with the white picket fence and dog barking at the post man in the front yard— but he could give you every part of him from the good to the bad, the beautiful to the ugly and he would seal that promise with a throaty groan of ‘you are mine and i am yours...’ into your ear as you came together.

but it seemed that like all things, dabi’s promises were broken like shattered glass— never meant to be kept or eternalised. the shards cut your delicate fingers, the pain numbed as you were left to pick up the pieces and be strong for the small life you were now responsible for.

you were careful to not let the door fly in and hit the wall opposite as you unlocked it, stumbling into your two bedroom with kori’s chubby legs locked around your hips and bag full of groceries in your other hand. “look princess,” you coo down at your daughter sweetly, watching as she drools all over your staff lanyard from work. “we’re home!” bending down, you dropped the produce off by the door before heading off to your living room area, propping kori in front of her toy mat.

smiling down at her, you brush the pure white hair that curls over her cobalt eyes and kiss her freckled cheeks— heart swooning at the way kori giggles in your arms. she’d been on her best behaviour the entire week, keeping out of trouble with the staff at her daycare and mrs yamamoto in the place upstairs, so it was only right that you treat her.

“you hungry babygirl? want mommy to make your favourite, hm?” kori is barely old enough to talk aside from a few babbles and repeats of mama but that doesn’t stop you from asking.

“mmmamamamaa!!”

you press another kiss to her baby fat cheeks before heading to the kitchen to prepare her favourite dinner— spaghetti. ever since kori started eating her solids, she hadn’t been a picky eater and you noticed that her appetite much resembled dabi’s, who couldn’t afford to be fussy about any of the meals you’d made for him before he disappeared.

making the sauce is easy, a dish you’d prepared from when you were a child and used to cook with your parents— you retrieve the ingredients from the groceries and pull out the stuff you’ll need to cook them. you mince the vegetables easily like you’d been taught as your mind gets away from you.

you wish that dabi was here to enjoy the domesticity of your current life— maybe him being around would lift the dark cloud over your life. sometimes it hurt to know that he would be missing out on moments like this and you could imagine him sitting by the couch while kori played with her toys and you cooked for them both. in this world, he’d laugh at her fascination with colder toys and magnets— make a joke about how much your little girl resembles him and kiss your cheek when you served them both up their favourite meals.

tears pool in your eyes at the thought of your wish never being granted and that’s all it takes for you to slip and cut your finger while chopping up the garlic. “fuck!” you boss, dropping the knife and squeezing your hand around the wounded digit. you know that the clattering of the knife has scared kori, and from the way she looks at you, you can already tell that she’s seen you injure yourself. “god, fuck...that hurt.”

there’s a pause in time, while you rinse your cut under the tap, cold water soothing the sting before kori starts to wail like her life depends on it. in a rush, you grab a tea towel in hopes that it’ll stop the bleeding and head straight for your baby, hoping that you’ll be able to soothe her. by the time you reach kori, her eyes are red with tears and snot dribbles from her nose down to her chin while she babbles loosely all the new words she’s learned— in a whiny tone.  

“baby, don’t cry mommy’s got you,” you murmur to her, reaching out to the little girl with open arms. your heart breaks at the way her bottom lip wobbles in a watery pout. kori crawls into your arms, white mop of soft baby hair buried into the junction between your shoulder and your neck— her tiny body shakes with awful heaves and cries while her tears dampen the old hoodie of her father’s that you wear, effectively ruining the fabric. “come on honey, it’s okay! momma didn’t mean to scare you...”

she snivels in your arms, quiet for only a second while you walk around the apartment bouncing her. walking kori up and down seems to soothe her for the most part, a trick that worked when she was first born and had her horrible crying fits. “good girl, mama’s got you...” you continue to soothe her, brushing a finger under her white lashes to remove her tears. all is well for a second and it seems her tantrum has calmed, until she grabs onto your wounded finger and makes you curse in pain again.

“shit!”

“m-momma-!” kori whimpers, face creasing in pain as her cheeks start to heat up again. you fear that if you don’t do something soon she’ll bust a lung from crying.

you shake your head in an attempt to calm her down, baby sobs striking right through your body and resume bouncing her, hoping that it’ll work. “shhh kori, honey, it’s okay— mommy’s okay and so are you...” in the process of comforting her, you somehow trip over the discarded knife, sending it flying into the cabinets across from the island and making another loud noise that further spooks kori.

at this she screams bloody murder, the sound of her little chest heaving giving you a splitting headache. you were tired, tired of your daughter’s crying , working long hours with no help and raising a child all on your own. you were tired of the pain spreading through your head and your body and your heart. you needed an out or break at the very least.

you should feel guilty for what you’re about to do, heading for the nursery with a heaving baby in your grip. you can’t think of anything better to do than put kori down for a nap and hope that her crying tires her out— you do your best to pry the little girl from clinging onto your clothes and tuck her into her crib as she sniffles, quickly backing out of her room before she can call for you and make you feel even worse than you already do.

you close the door quietly behind you, somewhat sliding down it while your own sobs take over your body— shaking you violently as you hug your knees to your chest. you don’t know how long you sit there, biting your lips and holding onto in your whimpers while tears stream down the apples of your cheeks, but eventually

you find yourself drifting off with dreams of your happy family.

you jump awake a few hours later, surrounded by a thick darkness from the sky outside. the hum of the city streets helps to bring you back down to earth as you rub the sleep from your puffy eyes and blink away the exhaustion. you don’t quite remember when you’d fallen into a slumber but you figure that kori must have eventually, judging by the quietness that surrounds your apartment.

the blanket of the night allows your guilt to burn brightly in your chest— you shouldn’t have left her alone. scrambling to your feet, you stumble over to the kitchen counter and grab your phone to read the time. 11:06pm. it’s just about time that you check on your daughter, but with two steps of heading to the nursery and you’re met with foreign sound that doesn’t quite fit in with the usual creaks and squeaks of your apparent.

happy gurgles belonging to your baby creep out from underneath her bedroom door, low humming or singing to accompany her sweet sound. humming that you don’t recognise. with a pang of fear to your heart, you reach for the knife on your kitchen floor as a weapon of defence— this would go down nicely with the police. a single mother on self defence...yeah, that could work out.

the knife shakes in your hand as you approach kori’s nursery, barely steady even when you push open the door.

“...touya?”

nothing could prepare you for what you’d see after walking into that room but when your eyes fall witness to your love standing in the centre of the room with a little tuft of white hair cradled to his bare chest. the air around you tingles with warmth as if dabi has heated the place up with his quirk and your little girl curls into him as if she’s known him all her life. but she hadn’t, he hadn’t.

all at once, your heart heals just as it breaks— it’s been so long since you’ve seen the villain that you can’t help but notice all the changes in him, the way his eyes droop a little more with exhaustion and his hair dusted with a the slightest bit of white. he was noticeably thinner too, maybe from being away from a warm bed and good food for too long...so a half of you was relieved that he was home, the other— hurt and betrayed.

“hey beautiful,” dabi’s timbre voice fills your entire being, stimulating your senses into a dull tingle. his lips a drawn into soft smirk as he rocks kori back and forth, your  baby’s eyes flutter with the gentle indication of sleep. “how’ya been?”

if you weren’t frozen in shock, you would have given the villain a piece of your mind. how dare he...after all this time apart from you, from his daughter...ask how you were doing? your eyes flutter to the open window behind the oldest todoroki son, as if you need to look away from him to convince yourself he’s real and he won’t disappear when you look back.

proven right by meeting the cool, chartreuse sea of his eyes— your throat runs dry as all you’d ever dreamed of saying in this moment, flees from your mind. “what are you doing here?” you say, trying to sound firm even though your voice falls through.

touya stays quiet, twirling a long finger through the small curls on his—your daughter’s head. “i was in the neighbourhood.” he mumbles, gaze tearing away from you to focus on the content infant he has in his arms.

you should feel angry, you should be screaming and kicking at dabi— forcing him out of your home with your child safe in your own arms but your body doesn’t will you to. hurt seeps through your veins at the casual aura in his tone. of course dabi would treat the situation as if it never existed and that he’d been with you the whole time. the pain of seeing him with her as if he’d been in kori’s life from the very start wraps around your heart in a poisonous grip and squeezes hard until you’re choking back a sob, letting it sit in the base of your throat.

you refuse to break in front of him.

“you need to go. you need to put her down and you need to leave.” you attempt to assert yourself in a harsh bark, almost making dabi jump. he’d never seen you like this before, but then again he hadn’t seen you in a year. he could only imagine what motherhood had done to you, especially facing it on your own. touya hesitates, kori shifting in his soft grip— one he didn’t even know that he had as a villain but you steady yourself and repeat your words. “touya, i said you need to leave.”

“why? so you can fall asleep and leave her crying on her own again?” the villain spits out, harsher than he intended. he watches your face fall and your body curl in on itself and he feels bad. dabi had promised you a lot of things since realising he loved you, and not hurting you like his father hurt his mother was one that he’d just broken. relenting, the dark haired villain eases kori from his pec and tucks her into her crib.

there’s a beat of silence and then. “i’m sorry.”

“you should be.”

“yn,” he sighs, running a hand through the light roots of his hair as he leans over his child’s crib. the young father tilts his head, scanning kori’s face while he identifies every characteristic she has from the family he’d done his best to free himself of.   “i’m sorry, it’s just— just that she was cold and crying, so i took off my shirt and held her and she warmed up and—“ dabi pauses his quiet rambling, finally looking up from the slumbering baby tucked away into powder blue silk and locks eyes with you. “and she probably has my mom’s shitty quirk. and i can’t get over how much she looks like them, how big she’s gotten.”

touya finds his shirt after admitting that, throwing on the thin white material before closing the window he came through. he moves with the swiftness that comes with his job, and it’s almost peaceful to watch. you stay plastered by the door, torn between falling right into the palm of his hand and demanding the answers that you and your daughter deserve.

it makes you feel a little sick when he gazes down at kori with pride, it makes you queasy at how easy she was to handle to him. touya todoroki doesn’t know half of what it was to raise his child...but did that make you a bad mother? was there something he shared with kori that you didn’t? dabi hadn’t known what it was to love someone other than himself until he’d met you, but you’d spent your entire life around family and friends who took care of you and made you feel cherished every day. you had all of that before you had dabi, and you’d given it all up for him.

shouldn’t you be the one to easily put your daughter down for a nap? to soothe her tears? and for him to come so briskly into your lives and take care of it all when he doesn’t even know what you’d been through, hurts most of all.

“you don’t even know her,” you start, tremble to your bottom lip as the sob in your throat builds up and threatens to burst. “you never saw her after she was born, never cut the cord, never knew her weight. you don’t know how tiny she was when she came into the world, you don’t know because you didn’t come!” with each word, stray tears manage to escape from your tired eyes, but you’re too fixated on dabi to bother to wipe them. it hurts to cry, it stings even as they stream down the apples of youth cheeks but you don’t move.

“yn, sweetness, i—“

“i know how much she weighed when she was born, four pounds and thirteen ounces. she was so tiny i was scared that she would break—“ you’re gasping now, almost choking yourself out on the pain that burns brightly in your lungs and claws its way up your throat. “i know her favourite foods, what fabrics irritate her skin, her favourite stuffed toys, how she likes to be swaddled in her blankets at night or that her curls make her face itch but they’re practically untameable.”

you start to heave, losing breath with every word and dabi does nothing but watch, keeping an eye on kori to make sure she stays sleeping as he steps towards you. “i know that i love her more than i’ve loved anything in my entire life, despite how much i suffered alone bringing her into this world. and i know that i named her kori after the ice that frosted the windows of my hospital room while i waited for... you.”

touya remains emotionless while you descend into madness, letting you cry it out. “i’ve been watching...”

you want to scream, beat his chest and blame him for how insane you’ve become. “watching isn’t enough touya, she needed you. i-i needed you.” you whimper, falling limp against the door frame as your hands move threateningly towards your hair as if you’re going to rip it out from the root. “...you couldn’t come and visit? not once i-in the eleven months that she’s been alive? not once while she’s been breaking me down and giving—“

“giving you a hard time? i tried, i took care of you from afar...i’m the one who made your boss disappear. the one who put his hands on you.” dabi sneers towards the end of his once gentle words, standing a breaths width away from you. you hate that you crave the same touch from him as he gave to kori, but you’re still so mad at him.

eventually, it all becomes too much and you succumb to the tears that wrack your exhausted body. you sway with each choked wail that tumbles from between your chapped lips and dabi surges forward to catch you after kicking the knife from earlier away, letting you sink into the warmth of his embrace. he feels like home, smells like safety and not a word is uttered as he brings you to the floor and cradles you like he did with his daughter.

dabi doesn’t need to say sorry when he shows you through how close he holds you to his heart.

when you finally calm down, dabi lifts you bridal style to your bathroom and draws you a bath with the salts and lavender extract from the cupboard above the sink. neither of you speak except for when he softly offers to help you undress— to which you decline— and when he tells you he’s going to fix something to eat.

you knew damn well that the villain could not cook, he hadn’t been when he was little since endeavour took away the entirety of his childhood and you’d only taught him the basics when he was still on the run and stopped by your place from time to time. his favourite thing back then had been to watch you cook to the weird music you kept playing, hips swaying to the beat and a sparkle in your eyes— but you didn’t do that anymore, he could tell those days were long gone.

dabi orders in takeout in the end and you have half a mind to curse him out for using your money— but the day’s events have exhausted you beyond your wits end, so you eat with him in silence atop your double bed after dressing in an old shirt of his. “stay the night.” is what you tell him, scared that he’ll leave. he puts his cigarette out on your balcony. the doors usually stayed locked so kori couldn’t crawl out on her own but you opened it for him since dabi liked to smoke and you hated the ash.

he promised to quit back then, and he hadn’t now.

“i’ll stay.” dabi says, throwing the butt over the ledge and stripping his clothes as he follows you to bed. he decides not to mention he wanted to stay anyway. you peel back the covers enough for him to slip in behind you, heated arms wrapping around your waist and settling on your tummy, where he rubs small patterns into your skin. the villain’s chest is  overwhelmingly warm against your back— reminding you of the days where you would spoon and he’d wait with baited breath for kori to kick.

both of you lay together, wide awake in the dark for goodness knows how long. touya’s breath balmy against the nape of your neck and if you focused hard enough, you could feel his eyelashes fluttering against your skin. he pretends to sleep, refusing to acknowledge that his proximity to you affects him in the worst of ways— evident in how his prominent hard on presses against the swell of your ass.

rolling over, your heart skips a beat at the way your love’s eyes still manage to glow brightly in the dark— ignited by the flames of his quirk and emotions of angst from the past.

they flicker as he looks to you, pale skin illuminated by the silver moon slipping in from your balconies, scars as enticing as ever. tentatively, you reach a hand out to cup his face, not kidding the apprehension that paint his matured features even as you run your fingers down the scars on his jaw. “been a while since we’ve been like this,” is all you can muster up, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek while your free hand snakes between your bodies in an attempt to pleasure the man.

fear strikes you right in the chest, leaving you panting as dabi flips you onto your back quickly, pinning your wrists against the bed. “don’t,” he growls, almost feral in tone and in his eyes. “don’t do something you might regret in the morning.”

you lay still, staring at the man above you in an attempt to read him. doing so had always been hard, but tonight you can see every detail of his life and every part of him.  the fear of being his father and disappointing another group of people, a broken man torn between the people he loved and the life he led— you could finally see him. you wondered if it hurt him to be away from you and his child, if he ever thought of you.

you take a deep breath, fabric of the sheets fuzzy in your ears as you shake your head up at him. “i could never regret being with you,” you sigh, dabi’s gaze lowering. “i just need you...”

your proclamation is all the permission dabi needs before he ascends on your neck, almost whimpering at the taste of your skin against his tongue. you know that he’s avoiding your lips, scared that things may not feel the same if he kisses you there— as if your love might have fizzled out from the months that you’ve been apart. the villain’s mouth is hot against your skin, sharp teeth sinking into the column of your throat— it’s not hard for him to find the spots that make your back arch and body tingle, the dark haired man  would be embarrassed to admit that he had your body mapped out in his brain. you were all that he thought about in the months between then and now.

you miss his lips, but you fear that if you push your love to far he’ll clam up and withdraw from you completely. you can’t lose him while you have him now. in the meantime, your bodies press against one another hotly, burning while dabi paints shades of blue and purple deeper than his eyes against your flesh before lapping at each love bite with an odd tenderness people wouldn’t think he possessed at first glance. as he works, touya loses grip on your wrists, allowing them free roam across the expanse of his back.

your nails leave light tracks across his back, trailing up from his muscled back to the nape of his neck— curling in the white roots of his hair in an attempt to tug him up to your lips. “baby,” the old pet name tumbles from between them before you can catch yourself, laboured from where you’re short of breath. “please kiss me, please..”

with newly mussed hair, dabi is still for a moment before leaving one last mark at where your jaw meets your neck— wet tongue lolling over the fresh bruise while his large palm move back to cup your head. a thumb belonging to a scared hand runs over your bottom lip, pulling the plump flesh down while he watches your face for a reaction. “are you sure that’s what you want, beautiful?” the villain chuckles into the dark of the night, pink muscle running over his own lips to wet them in anticipation. “you want your man to kiss you?”

your senses go into overdrive, desperate for any kind of contact from the man above you— he feels so close and yet, a million miles away, even with his body making its way between your thighs and your chests pressing together eagerly.

“touya—“ you breathe, barely able to finish your sentence before the man himself delves deep into your mouth. his lips move with hesitance at first, sucking on yours slightly and parting for air more often than he should but you grip him by the whites of his hair firmly and tug him further into the kiss. your tongue dances along the seam of his lips, prying them open as you seek permission for entrance— dabi groans lowly as you tug on his roots and force your way into his mouth, tasting him as if it were your last time.

you swallow each of his moans that mingle softly with your own, while your tongues dance together messily— the kiss were and sloppy as if the two of you were out of practice. your worries fly out of the window from there, it’s good to know that neither of you had been with others during your time apart instead you feel like a teenager making out with their highschool crush for the very first time. dabi’s hips rut into the plush bed beneath you both and you can tell that even the slightest touches are riling him up beyond belief— it’d been almost a year since he’d felt you against him in any way and it didn’t help that you were so ready to accept him.

that you still wanted him.

whimpering at the thought, the villain pauses against your lips to catch his breath— panting softly. you can feel him pulling away, questioning if he deserves to be with you after everything he’d put you through. so, cupping dabi’s jaw, you let your free hand slip between your heated bodies and glide your fingertips along the waist band of his sweats.

“yn, i ain’t so sure about this,” dabi sighs, body twitching at the proximity of your hands to his hardness, his eyelids flutter shut and lock away his beautiful blue eyes— holding fear, insecurity and desire. “what if ya’still regret this later on?”

smiling up at him, you thumb at his cheek and work your hand deeper into his pants, past his underwear. “you’ve been away too long baby, i would regret not being with you more,” you coo up at him just as you grasp at his hardened length, watching as dabi shudders in your grip. his cock leaks hotly against your soft palm from going untouched for so long, your fingers explore him— tracing down the thick veins on the underside of his length. “let me make you feel good tonight.”

“fuck, sweetness. talk pretty with that filthy fuckin’ mouth of yours.” touya breathes heavily against your mouth, both of yours falling open in hot moans. cheekily, you run a thumb over his tip, circling the slit at the top. dabi collapses on top of you, burying his mop of salt and pepper hair into your neck as he drives his hips into your hand at his own leisurely pace. “y’better live up to those words—shit, don’t go letting me down, princess.” jade orbs finally open, heavy with lust and desire as the air around you tingles with a newfound desire to make each other feel good, settling on the planes of your marked and scratched skin.

your grip around dabi tightens while he fucks into your closed fist, wet sounds filling the room from where he leaks at his bright red tip— almost hot as his hands that dance up your sides and tenderly touch at your hips. so unsure, yet so needy. clear, thick precum guides the movement of your hand as it slides up and down your lover’s girth— he’s much bigger than you remember, swollen with an impending orgasm and dabi stutters when you reach further down his boxers to grip at weighty balls full of his seed, just about ready to burst.

he howls from deep within his chest, the noise only muffled from the drool that glides across his tongue before the villain’s wandering and scarred palms stop at your rib cage, settling just under your breasts. you don’t bother to stop pleasuring him even as his quirk ignites, blue flames burning right through your night shirt to expose your skin to the cool night air.  without even a second thought, dabi’s mouth ascends on your tits, taking one into the hot cavern while his free hand seers marks over the other.

the thought have being branded by your man makes your hips jump and your hand squeeze his cock in your grip— a reminder of what’s to come later on. his strawberry tongue rolls across your hardened nipple and you yelp in surprise with the sudden feeling of cool metal across the exposed flesh. “y-you have your tongue pierced?” you squeal as dabi repeats his actions, loving the way you arch your back into his mouth and your heart rate speeds up.

“never know when a bit of metal’s gonna come in handy, sugar tits.”

you barely have time to formulate a response before your boyfriend’s mouth is back on you, biting and sucking and marking your raw flesh like a man starved of his last meal— you don’t let up either, quickly pumping his cock as he continues to leak, painting your hand with teases of his incoming release. you’re sure that his sweatpants and the sheets below you will be stained with his arousal from how much precum oozes from his dick, slicking up your hands and creating the perfect flashlight but you don’t dare to think of anything else but the way dabi’s face twists with pleasure as he desperately thrusts himself into the softness of your palm.

his cheeks flush red, globs of drool connecting the roof of his mouth to his tongue while his eyes grow fuzzy at each step he takes closer to orgasm, the very drool from his mouth covers each of your breasts as dabi switches between them— creating a layer of wet against your supple skin that shines under the moon. you flick your wrist around him, faster, harder— giving the villain everything you’ve got to make him feel good.

“shit pretty girl, y’gonna make me...cum,” touya shakes in your grip, eyes crossing and tongue becoming lazy against your marked up chest. his salvia pools against your skin while he pants and fucks your wet hand as if it were your pretty little cunt clamping down on him. “fuck, fuck, fuck. don’t you fuckin’ stop, don’t you dare fuckin’ stop...”

he barks out the demands, but there’s a neediness to his tone and whine to his voice that makes you grin with pride, even if you’re barely there from having your nipples stimulated beyond belief. “cum for me touya, please, wanna feel you come undone for me.” you beg him, ever so slightly and it’s just enough to push the villain over the edge, sending him into an earth shattering orgasm. you don’t dare to stop as you jerk him off, guiding down from his high as his cock twitches from release and paints your knuckles with the thick white of his seed. he mewls contendly into your breasts, slowing his hips while the world of colours dance behind his cerulean eyes.

“here with me yet?” you murmur to him, grasping his wild locks to tilt his head up towards your face— dabi looks so blissed out but the smirk on his raw and bitten lips tells you the night is far from over.

pressing a searing kiss to your sternum, your boyfriend’s pierced tongue makes yet another appearance as he trails the muscle down your soft tummy— biting your navel as he goes. “never left gorgeous, but don’t you fucking dare think for a second that this is over, y’got that?” he sits up quickly, grabbing hold of your doughy thighs and using them to pull you down the bed. the pads of his fingers start to burn marks into your skin, dancing along your legs and stopping just above the waistband of your underwear. “gotta stretch this cunt open before i give you my cock, remind you of who the fuck you belong to.”

spreading your thighs nice and wide, you release a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding as dabi’s hands finally come into contact with your slit, prodding at your slick folds from over your panties. lowering his face between your open legs, your boyfriend hums in satisfaction as he peels your sticky panties away from your pussy. “why, babydoll, you’re so fucking wet down here. this can’t all be for me, can it?” touya teases you, hot breath fanning against your unused sex while his fingers play with the string of your slick that coats them. “y’must’ve missed your man badly for your lil cunt to look this fucked up, s’pecially when i haven’t even touched’ya yet.”

you shiver and nod weakly, willing to say or do anything to feel more of your boyfriend against you. “s’all for you dabi, o-only you could get me this wet, n-no one else could take your place...” you mewl, hips bucking into the air while the man himself watches you grow needier and needier, hormones expelled into the air. dabi grins, leaning into your core once more to press his nose into your wetness, sniffing your spiked panties like the dirty man he is— only to then lay his pierced tongue flat against your folds, tracing your hole with the muscle while his nose bumps at your clothed clit.

“saved this all for me, huh? you’re so loyal, sweetness. waiting for me all this time…” he kitten licks at your cunt until you’re writhing amongst the already solid sheets, forcing his spit into your hole from over the thin fabric of your panties, creating a more prominent outline of your puffy lower lips as your thighs quieter around his head. they threaten to close as he works on you through your underwear— teasing and prodding at your sex to see if you respond the same way to his touches as you used to.

you force your shaking through his black and white locks, grabbing hold of his roots in an attempt to pull dabi back to your heat when he lifts his head from between your thighs— pushing your lips into a pout. “no, no no, baby, please— need you to eat my cunt, want your mouth on me, please!” you cry out, but you’re quickly pacified by his scarred hand which cups your pussy— seat of his hand grinding into your clit.

“god, if i had known you were still this eager to fuck me i woulda come home a long time ago, babydoll.” he chuckles, licking up your inner thigh and biting down on the plush flesh. “need’ta get rid of these though, they’re getting in my way.” the villain gestures to your panties, making you watch as his quirk burns it’s way through the silky material until it’s nothing but ash against your sheets. you gasp as soon as your cute little pussy is exposed to the cool air, missing the warmth of touya’s pink tongue against it. “better.” he sneers, eyes bright and glowing in the dark with a new sense of feral desire.

thick digits press into your tight hole at the same time touya takes to sucking on your swollen clit, forcing their way up your velvet walls in search for your pleasure spot. dabi chuckles against your sticky folds as you begin to whine, hips rolling up into your lover’s face while his tongue draws rough patterns onto your bud. you’ve missed him, missed this. the nights where the villain dabi would sneak into your home, becoming your touya todoroki between the four walls that you shared— where you would spend nights seeing stars by his hand or his cock and he would make you his over and over again. the memories have you clamping down on his digits like there’s no tomorrow, greedily sucking them in as he strokes at the walls of your sex and makes your whole body shake.

touya works hard at pleasuring you, apologising for his absence through slurping the juices from your folds only for you to gush and paint his scarred chin with more of your nectar. the way you taste makes him dizzy, he could spend the rest of his life between your thighs and never miss the outside world like he did before tonight. he wants to be good for you, make you feel good too and it’s not enough to feel the ecstasy roll off of your heavenly body in waves— he wants all of you, mind, body and soul to belong to him.

you can barely breathe, leaking with every swipe of his tongue against you and every twist of his fingers inside of you. you can feel everything at once, the euphoria crackling across your brain, high on the way touya makes you feel. “god, t-touya, don’ stop...feel so fucking good…” you heave in a drawn out moan, barely able to tell what’s up and what’s down as the villain pulls his fingers from your slick hole and replaces them with his tongue ( only after they’ve pushed down on your g-spot over and over again ).

“you’re not the one giving orders, sweet stuff, oh no.” dabi reminds you sloppily, looking like a child with no table manners as your nectar smears across his face. for his own satisfaction, he delivers a harsh smack to your pussy, watching as your entire body jolts and jumps up the bed. “your cunt is mine and i’ll do what i want with it, show you how much i missed it.”

his possessive words almost set you off, the knot in your stomach growing tighter with every pinch of your nub and every swirl on his tongue inside your walls, committing every ridge to memory. your body burns and you’re not sure if it’s from dabi pressing against you so hotly or because of the desire that fuels the fire inside you.

“yours, yours, yours!” you chant like a mantra, high pitched and whiny— your voice mixing with the crude sounds of your own pathetic cunt, that grows louder when dabi spits on your clit to add to your wetness. he lets it drip between your folds, fingers to busy with stimulating you to catch it before it slides between your lower cheeks, opting to use his tongue on you instead.

“ya’like that don’t you? missed your whinin’ pretty girl, fuck, even missed making you a fucking mess.” you keen into his touch, babbling incoherent praises to the man between your legs as he spreads you wider by the ass with one hand and forces his fingers back into your cunt with the other. his fingers curl into a come hither motion, repeatedly pressing down on your spongy spot as he sloppily makes out with your puffy nub— taking only one, two, three strokes to make your eyes roll into the back of your skull and your orgasm to wash over you.

your body convulses, shaking as you’re hit hard by your release— juices gushing all over your lover’s face even as he refuses to let up. “t-touya no...no no...can-can’t,” you whinge, tears clumping in your lashes. dabi spreads your lips again, using three digits instead of two to continue stimulating your clit until another release builds up inside your lower belly— clear liquid gushing out of your abused pussy and staining the sheets below.

he hums proudly, pressing a lasting kiss to your fluttering hole before reaching up to your lips to do the same, barely allowing you the time to catch your breath— chest heaving while you come down from your high. “so pretty when you squirt for me like that, sweetness,” dabi moans into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself on him. but as soon as he comes, he’s gone— rolling you onto your stomach and lifting your hips so your ass sits in the air for him. “gonna take my cock now, kay?”

“kay,” you mumble into the sheets, brain too  fuzzy to resist as the villain manhandles you the way he wants.

after shoving down his sweatpants, the eldest todoroki grips the peachy soft flesh of your ass— smacking it a few times with his heat activated palms to watch the flesh jiggle and his handprint sink into the skin. you lean back, watching over your shoulder as his cock stands at full attention, hard from seeing you come undone on his fingers and tongue. it burns bright red at the tip, another fat glob of precum making it shine and making you dribble with anticipation. “y’such a fuckin’ slut, my beautiful slut… hungry for my cock even after i’ve wrecked your lil pussy so bad,” dabi says with a cocky lilt to his voice, the very tone making your hole clench around nothing. he taps his sticky cockhead against your slit, running it up and down your cunt three or four times— groaning as it slides between your cheeks. the sensation causes your back to arch as you wail, fingers gripping the bed covers so tight that you almost cause them to tear. “don’t you worry baby, ‘m gonna make up for lost time, you don’t have to miss me anymore.”

there’s a double meaning to his words that you don’t ask him to elaborate on, too caught up in the way he teases your hole as he dips his length in— only to pull it right back out. “don’t tease, need you badly,” you plead, earning yourself another harsh spank to your raw ass cheeks.

“shut the fuck up and let me fuck you,” the words are harsh against his tongue, but dabi utters them softly as he relents to his wishes. his cerulean gaze flutters down to where your bodies begin to join, his large hand gripping his length before he starts to push into your dribbling entrance. “god, you’re s’fuckin’ tight, you might as well be a virgin.” pussy spasming at his words, you leak against touya’s cock, creating a lewd squelching sound as he pushes more of himself into you. the weight of dabi’s thick girth causes painful, yet delicious burn which he eases by rubbing soothing circles into your clit once more. “been s’long, i outta fuck you open again, huh?”

“uhuh, take me again touya. make me yours, all over again.” you slur over the spit drowning your tongue, eyes fluttering shut when the villain’s hips surge forward his dick brushes against your cervix. his rough, calloused palm grabs your neck from behind, forcing you down into the sheets while he bottoms out inside of you and pushes the last of his cock past your entrance. the two of you groan in unison, touya sitting heavy inside of your walls before you muster up the energy to say. “move.”

he doesn’t need to be told twice, whilst dabi was enjoying the feeling of being engulfed by your soft, warm insides— cock twitching in relief from time to time— he finds it within him to pull back from your selfish cunt to thrust into you with all his might. the force pulls a broken squeal from between your bitten and bruised lips, your hips pushing back against dabi to keep him inside of you. the pair of you move in sync, bodies dancing in a sensual grind between lovers that moulds your cunt into the shape of your boyfriend once more. “oh fuck yeah baby, oooh, missed your cunny s’bad…” dabi yowls loudly, listening for the squashy sounds of your sexes moving against one another. “christ, you like when i talk about your pathetic little pussy like this?”

you bite down on your lower lip, embarrassed by your own bleats of pleasure when he degrades you like this. annoyed by your lack of answer, touya grabs onto your hips and pulls you off of his cock, only to slam them back into you seconds later. his pace is unforgiving and relentless from there, forcing your body up the bed with every thrust into your core. “yes! like it, love it, missed your cock so bad touya!” you cry, holding onto the sheets for dear life as his dick drags along your pleasure spots and his hands burn marks into your ass and hips.

weakly, you attempt to match his thrusts. circling the meat of your ass back onto dabi and squeezing around the head of his girth every time it plunges into your sopping pussy. your arousals mix as he pounds away at your hole, a thick string hanging between your bodies and dribbling down your inner thighs, tainting innocent skin. the wet noise reverberates across the room, creating a passionate symphony with dabi’s deep, pitiful moans.

even though it had been a while since the two of you had been intimate like this, dabi still knew all the ways to get your body going. he took you from behind but still let his marred hands wonder and explore the planes of your skin, pinching here and there, marking your body as his to use and his alone. there’s love hidden beneath his rough touches, little signs that he missed having you so close to him— having you split open on his cock while you dripped on his pelvis and ruined your bedsheets, was his own way of unleashing his pent up emotions of love, anger and despair onto you and you wanted it. you wanted his good and his bad while he fucked you like his life depended on it, balls deep inside the pussy of the woman he loved was where he was most vulnerable with you.

“s-shit, sweetness, you’re such a pretty mess, so fucked up on my cock, can feel you clamping around me like my greedy bitch should.” you’re stuffed so full, clenching every time touya drives his cock deeper into your gummy cunt, head prodding at the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you. he’s losing his mind at how you choke out his iron hot girth, clear liquid seeping down your thighs at every thrust. “you’re my beautiful brain dead baby, letting me fuck you like this, yeah? missed you baby, missed this,” despite his words, touya is no better than you, mind hazy with thoughts of you creaming around him because of how good he’s made you feel. him, and no one else. you saved yourself for him after all these months, the least he could do was bring you to cloud nine.

he does so by angling his thrusts up to meet your pleasure spot every time, howling your name in the way he knows you like just to feel your hot cunny spew more of your juices out against his tummy. “missed you, thought about this for months,” you lament, elbows that kept you up finally giving out as your body tiredly collapses into the sheets— dabi’s balls still clapping against your ass. he follows you down into bed covers, chest pressing hotly against your back as the jackhammers into you from behind. “thought about your fat cock in my tight pussy, t-touched myself to you...made being alone worth it, made waiting for you to come home worth it. ‘cause i get to see your beautiful face when you fuck me…” you barely register what you’re saying, babbling incorrectly while the temperature of your body rises with your level of arousal.

behind you, touya’s cheeks burn with a new feeling. deep down, all he wanted was to be validated as a lover to you, he’d always been deemed as the bad guy incapable of feeling anything for anyone other than himself. but you, you had proved him wrong so many times and he still found your words hard to believe. yet, it felt good to know how much you loved him. snaking a hand down to your face, the villain squishes your cheeks together and brings you up to his own face despite the arch to your back— he keeps up his sinful pace, your lower cheeks bouncing with every push and pull of his length while he drips a globule of his saliva into your pouting mouth. “shut up,” he grunts harshly, although love is written across his cobalt eyes.

you smile up at him dopily, keeping eye contact with him as you swallow gratefully. “anything for you,” his hands slip from your squashed cheeks to your throat, cupping it as he holds you against him. more arousal pools in your lower stomach, turned on by the thrill of him being able to end your life right then and there, all it would take would be one flame but you know more than anything that dabi loves you and would never hurt you. “i love you, touya todoroki. i a-always will.”

your admission makes dabi’s heart stop in his chest, heated pants tickling your ear as he continues to take you and claim your body as his. with newfound vigor, he links his free hand with yours that lays against the bed and rams his cock into your core as hard and as fast as he can, determined to make you cum. “i—oh fuck, i love you too, sweetness…” the arsonist can feel the way your cunt flutters around his girth at his confession, tears building up in your eyes once more. god, you were so pretty like this, arched for him perfectly in the moon, stars illuminating every curve and dip on your body— showing off the stretch marks from where you’d carried his child. everything about you turned him on in the best possible ways and everything about you that turned him on, also turned out to be everything he loved about you.

your stupid big heart, your stupid big eyes when you say that you love him, your stupid smile when he used to kiss you and hold you and even now when he fucked you. touya todoroki was in love and in the worst possible way but he couldn’t say he regretted a single moment of it, not when you stayed true to him after all these months of being apart. you raised his child and you loved him all the same and a part of him is grateful that you never turned your back on him like everyone else he’s ever loved.

so the least he could do is make love to you, push his creamy cock into the depth of your core while kissing down your spine to watch you shudder oh so cutely. it’s messy and sloppy and the pair of you should feel nasty for the stench of sex in the air, lingering against your skin. but you don’t, how could you? not when love and adoration tingles in the air as well, it’s messy because of the unadulterated emotions you feel for one another— deep in vulnerability is where dabi grinds his cock slowly into you, hitting all the right places that make you scream his name into the night. makes him mumble incoherent praises against your bruised neck and squished cheeks as he lewdly licks a stripe up the column of your neck to behind your ear.

you gush around him and he grunts with ecstasy into your ear, tightening that knot in your stomach as you both step closer to your highs. “you like the way i fill this cunt up, huh? yeah? when i hold you like this, when i fuck you like this?” dabi mutters to you lewdly, holding onto his sanity by a thin thread as his own release sneaks up on him. “tell me you like it...fuck sweetness, please.”

“i love the way you fuck me touya, fuck! only you can make me feel this good,” you moan to appease him, bouncing back against his cock while his hips begin to stutter and your eyes begin to cross. it’s true, you love belonging to him, being able to bring him such pleasure and you know he feels the same way. the villain prods at your g-spot over and over again, stealing your breath away as he pulls you up and into your chest, changing the angle of his hips to bring you to the last hurdle. “baby—ohmygod—-touya! ‘m sososo close, don’t stop...don’t stop, gonna cum, give it to me, give it to me please!” you chant, eyes fluttering shut as you lean your head back against his shoulder and search for his hand, voice rising with every octave as you get closer and closer.

“fucking cum for me sweet girl, shit, cum all over this fucking cock.” dabi manages through gritted teeth, grasping your hand while the pace of his thrusts grow inconsistent.

that’s all that you need to hear before the damn breaks and arousal floods through your entire body courses through your veins. white dances behind your eyes in flashes as your release flushes out of your pussy and drips between touya’s balls, coating them in a layer your honeyed slick. you slump against your boyfriend, not able to mutter a word as you convulse in a silent scream and squeeze both his hand and cock alike.

gently, he pushes you down to the bed and pulls his cock from your intoxicating heat— his free hand clasps around his cock, palming himself towards a swift release. “yeah, oh fuck yeah, fuckin’ love you baby,” he cums on your back and your ass, thick, potent and milky seed landing on your flushed skin before he collapses beside you and exhaustion settles in his bones.

you black out for a few minutes after, fingers still intertwined but dabi manages to slip out long enough to retrieve a washcloth that's damp and warm to clean you both up with. you wake up just as he crawls back into bed with you, kissing your hairline while he makes himself comfortable. “almost thought i’d killed you for a second,” the villain jokes, slinging a loose arm over your bare waist and pulling you to lay on his chest.

“you couldn’t, even if you tried.” you counter sleepily, drawing star shapes on your boyfriend’s naked stomach. a comfortable silence sweeps over the room, despite the thoughts that linger on your mind. looking up at dabi, you notice him drifting off but still can’t help the words that slip from your lips. “why didn’t you ever come back?”

you feel dabi’s chest rise and fall with a deep sigh, fingers coming up to scratch at your scalp— something that used to help you to sleep when you were together before. “i was figuring out a way to get out of the league, to be with you and kori.” he says after some time, catching your eye as you give him a confused look. “shigaraki doesn’t know about her, i never told him. but i knew from the moment we found out about her, i didn’t want her to be a part of the life i’m involved in and knowing how the league works, they’d find a way to make use of her.”

you stay quiet, not knowing what to do with the new information and dabi’s reasoning for staying away for so long. on one hand you were grateful to him for keeping your daughter quiet and safe but part of you still wished he’d given you a sign to let you know it’d all be okay. grabbing your chin, he forces you to look up at him—passionate flames burning in his eyes. “i need you to trust me on this one sweetness, i promise nothin’ will happen to you nor kori. so long as i’m around.”

“pinky promise?” you ask him sweetly, feeling the truth to his words.

you hold up your pinky to the villain’s face, smiling through exhaustion as he rolls his eyes down at you. “pinky promise, babydoll. now get some shut eye, kay?” touya links your pinky with his, scoffing when you make him kiss them.

“g’night, touya.”

“sleep well, babydoll.”

the bed is cold when you wake up the next morning.

the panic sets in quickly, speeding up with the chirping of birds from your balcony outside. you shouldn’t be tearing up over the childishness of a pinky promise. he always made you promises but never actually kept the and as quickly as dabi had waltzed back into your life, he had left you alone and in the cold once more.

gathering yourself together, you stumble out of your bed— avoiding any mirrors that may show the cascade of marks dabi had left against your skin from the previous night. you feel embarrassed and ashamed that you let him back into your life so easily, especially now that you had kori to think about. tears start to well in your tired and puffy eyes as you head to the kitchen, thinking that a mug of coffee will calm you down before you prep your daughter for the day.

but as you wander out of your room, the familiar sound of your baby girl’s laugher drifts through the air— seemingly coming from the kitchen.  the sweet melody calls out to you and suddenly your casual stride to the kitchen becomes a brisk walk so you can reach her faster. “kori? baby? did you climb out of your crib again—?” you call out to her, stopping in your tracks when you round the corner.

dabi stands in the middle of your kitchen, still shirtless, with kori balanced on his hip— in one hand he holds a small blue flame, which you’re sure he believes is safe enough for kori to play with while the other steadies your baby girl while she claps and squeals. a first. you’re not too sure when the last time you’d seen her happy was, but you figure her father’s presence had something to do with it.

“i was going to make you breakfast, but the little shit woke up and i didn’t have enough free hands to make you a grilled cheese.” touya smirks over at you, diminishing his flame to grasp kori’s hand and use it to wave at you. she squeals happily, curls bouncing and eyes lighting up in a similar way to her father’s. your heart melts at the sight of them being together, seeing the mannerisms that they share and how joyous they seem. they both grinned the same way, shared the little twitch in their noses and even their sneezes. kori todoroki was an exact replica of touya todoroki, right down to the tiny red curl she had lost in her white locks.

“you know, i thought you’d left,” you make your way across to the island where dabi sets his daughter down and check her temperature— just in case her sudden change in mood is down to any sickness. “the bed was cold when i woke up.”

“didn’t i make you a promise last night, sweetness? i’m not going anywhere,” the arsonist reminds you, wrapping his arms around you from behind while you wipe at kori’s pudgy baby cheeks and give her the once over again. “if you’re checking the kid’s temperature, she's usually pretty cold because of my mom’s quirk. something ice related will be coming through, but she must’ve inherited your strong constitution. guess she has a normal body temp when i’m around ‘cause it balances her out.” while dabi explains the inner workings of kori’s incoming quirk, she claps and babbles excitedly from her place on the island— making a game out of throwing her toys off of it. all of dabi’s logic makes sense and you seem a little more relieved knowing how to take care of her from here.

picking her up, along with her stray toys, you set your baby down by her playmat again and switch on some baby-safe cartoons while you fix yourself and dabi some coffee, kissing all over kori’s face beforehand. he had whined when you pulled away the first time to give your daughter some attention, it was almost comical how the big bad villain had pouted then. “i wonder if there’s anything of mine she inherited or if it’s all you and todoroki genetics.”

“well, her pretty smile certainly didn’t come from me, babydoll.” dabi muses with a light chuckle, arms trapping you against his chest once more as you continue to make you both some much needed caffeine. the coffee machine whirrs as you sway together in the early morning sunshine, warmth from the sun brushing against your skin and touya’s hair tickling your neck before he presses kisses over your fading love bites while kori’s annoying shows play in the background. everything feels complete and at peace. you feel like a real family. “i could get used to this, this life with you.”

you spin in dabi’s arms, cupping his cheeks and taking in his face for the millionth time in the last twelve hours. “then stay, or at least visit some more now that you’re back. you may not feel it, but kori and i need you. everything has always been better when you’ve been around touya… and i mean that. stay.” you stare at him with pleading eyes, standing on your tiptoes to stare him down and communicate just how much you needed him here with you both.

and for once in his life, touya todoroki feels the most loved he’s ever really felt. here in this shitty two bedroom apartment with his angelic little girl and his beautiful girlfriend during the winter season— touya knows this is right where he needs to be. “i’ll stay, for as long as you’ll fuckin’ have me.”

“forever, then?” you ask, eyes lowering to your boyfriend’s lips.

“forever it is, babydoll.” the villain nods, following your gaze before leaning down to capture your lips with a promise written into your sweet kiss.

extended ending

you thought that the best kind of weather was when the sun peeked out from behind the clouds but the air around you was still as cold as a december’s day. the breeze is enough to make your nose run just a little, but occasionally the warmth of the sun’s rays radiates across your skin like a warm blanket, balancing it out.

it was the kind of weather where people didn’t know how to dress, some wore mismatched shorts and jerseys whilst others were decked out in scarves up to their cheeks and sandals where their toes flopped out. it was the kind of weather that reminded you of dabi and kori, they were your warmth and your cold, they balanced each other out and made your family whole.

kori sits on your right hip as you push the car door closed and wave goodbye to an accomplice of your boyfriend’s— your driver for the evening. your little girl’s curls are combed back into two even pigtails, dark blue bows in each one while the red lock of her hair ( now, much longer ) curls against her forehead stubbornly. she looks so pretty, all fancied up a dress that dabi had chosen for her on this particular occasion, the lace irritated her only slightly but the decapitated endeavour plushie her father had gifted her served nicely as a distraction.

you bounce her once, cooing down at your baby before you look to the hospital in front of you— a look of determination in your eye. ever since the night touya had visited you and swore to stay, he’d kept his word to the best of his abilities. being a villain was still a major factor in your relationship, he came when he could stayed if his job permitted it— taking care of your daughter when your shifts were long and even going as far as to learn his and kori’s favourite recipes to cook on the nights where you couldn’t or you didn’t fancy take out.

in the last few weeks his visits had become slightly more scarce with shigaraki becoming more and more demanding, but touya’s plan to leave the league was slowly coming to fruition along with endeavour and the hero society which had both carved a life of struggle for the three of you.

your boyfriend being busy had given you more time to reconnect with the friends you had lost over the last year, meeting up with those from college, mina and tsuyu ( who’d simply thought you’d gone off the radar ) for kori’s first birthday. they absolutely loved her and your sweet girl loved all the attention she was getting. you even had the chance to reunite with your parents, who were more remorseful that you felt you couldn’t come to them for help than the fact that you’d gotten pregnant during college.

of course, they all asked who the father was and you simply told them that he had died ( which was half true ), using the excuse that you were embarrassed to be widowed and with a child at your young age.

shaking your head, you enter the hospital and recite the words that touya had made you practice the night before. you were here by endeavours orders and needed to see mrs.todoroki. your lover had used some sort of hack to put you on the list of visitors for his mother but one look at kori was all the guards and staff needed to let you through. a few nights prior to today, dabi had asked you to do one thing for him before it all went down, kissing your knuckles over some sushi take out.

so despite your nerves, you would go through with this for him, especially if it meant your family could be together. some guards escort yourself and kori to rei todoroki’s room, leaving you with a curt nod and slightly more polite wave to your daughter. the room itself is slightly bleak, a chair and some blue cushioned sofas positioned in an L-shape parallel to the blanketed bed. there’s a tv in the top left corner which and a set of draws underneath where a clear vase sits— containing blooming blue flowers.

rei looks up when you enter, grey eyes flashing with confusion despite the blank look on her face as kori babbles happily in your arms. “who are you?” she whispers, hands retreating from her flowers and  folding neatly in her lap.

“oh! i’m yn, your son’s fiancé and this,” you beam kindly, further entering the room and being sure to lock the doors behind you. you nod your head down to your daughter who waves around her endeavour plushy— paying no mind to the situation unfolding. “this is our daughter, your granddaughter...kori todoroki! she’s just turned one and daddy thought it was about time she met you, isn’t that right pretty girl?”

“dada!!!”

rei blinks and you smile again. “she’s a daddy’s girl,” you explain and lift your hand to snow the small sapphire engagement ring on your ring finger. touya had proposed last night as well, certain your plan would work out. “and quite frankly, so am i! how can i not be when your son treats me so well.”

nodding slowly, the wife of endeavour looks down at her hands which you note, nervously fiddle with a stray petal. “so, natsu and you—?” you can see her trying to work it out, curiosity written across her features. you could see why the woman might think kori was natuso’s child— they looked a lot like each other just by first glance but rei was missing an important feature. the colour of kori’s eyes.

“oh no, your other son. the eldest one.” you correct her with a sinister shake of your head. swiftly crossing the room to set your daughter down in rei’s lap. you watch with an evil air of satisfaction as rei todoroki freezes with fear, as the mistakes her family paid out to touya suddenly come to the forefront of her mind. she wobbles with kori still in her grip and you shoot her a dark glare— reaching over to fix her flowers in their vase. “touya picked these out, always said that you loved them. such a pretty shade of blue, no wonder why they’re your favourites, right?”

“please leave.” she looks up at you pleadingly, shaking like a leaf in the breeze outside. oh how you wish your fiancé was here to see this but he had more important things to do.

rolling your eyes, you grab the remote to switch on the tv— pinching kori’s nose affectionately to make her laugh again. “come sit with me rei, let’s watch some tv to help you calm down.”

the woman nods weakly, barely moving an inch as you take a seat beside her with a smile. you skip channels a few times, pride swelling up in your chest when you finally land on the right one, touya’s broadcast flashing across the screen. he sits leisurely in a chair, shirtless with all of his beautiful scars on display— a painful reminder of his childhood and what he’d become. “i, touya  todoroki, was born as the eldest son of endeavour. today i’ve killed over 30 innocent people until now, some to protect my family. my daughter, who i have not been able to see due to my father. i would like to let everyone know why i’d end up committing such a hideous act.” he speaks such calmness and clarity, and you can’t help but feel emotional at how he stands in front of the world.

kori grins, leaping up at the sight of her father on the screen and claps her hands. “dada!! dada!! lookie s’daddy!!” she squeals while rei struggles to breathe, panic set in her eyes.

you put a hand on the woman’s shoulder, offering her a sweet grin in an attempt to calm her before the oncoming storm. “keep watching, mrs.todoroki, touya said we’d be one big, happy family after this.” the words are sugar coated and sickly sweet, carrying the dark meaning across to your fiancé’s mother.

looking away, your heart swells while touya tears down the hero society and spills the truth for all of japan to see. you were grateful to the man he’d become— loyal to you, to your daughter and the dreams that you had. the satisfaction of seeing the real villains of the world fall was much greater than any hush money enji todoroki could ever offer.

fin.

— TAGLIST:

@husband-to-tomura-shigaraki @grace-todoroki @toshiuwu  @whet-ones-write​

[ramzawrites]

can i request an angsty sbi fic where sibling reader lost two lives saving others (maybe tubbo at the festival?) and they see everything falling apart (techno and phil destroying everything, wilbur dead and tommy focused on the disks) and they pretend to be ok while their mental health gets worse and worse until they decide to end it, and people only realise they weren't okay after the death message pops up and their reactions to seeing it? if not thats completely fine, ik its pretty heavy

Broken

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Tommy, Philza, Tubbo, Technoblade

Warnings: depression, suicide (falling, non descriptive), angst

Series: a request!

Summary: Y/N just wanted their home back. They just wanted to live a peaceful life but instead all their hopes and dreams got ripped apart by the people they loved the most.

Words count: 3647

Authors Note: Honestly I could have shortened it quite a bit but here we are, it’s way longer than I wanted but I hope you guys enjoy this. I’m sorry if this went kind off of rails to what you might have envisioned. Also I hope that you guys know that you are loved and appreciated. I appreciate you for taking the time to read my stuff :] Here is m favorite video to cheer me up some times, hope it can cheer you up as well!

I’m also curious what your guys thoughts and opinion are on this or my writing in general! Can’t get better without feedback :]

Y/N loved their family.

They were all pretty chaotic but so was Y/N, following their siblings into trouble ignoring any possible consequences.

So when Wilbur proclaimed he would create an independent Nation inside the SMP that was owned by Dream himself, you bet that Y/N was standing right beside him.

When Wilbur would struggle with his tasks or was weighed down by doubts they would swoop right in and do their best to support him. Every time Wilbur would say “I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes.” While Y/N didn’t do it for praise but out of love for him it was still nice knowing that he appreciated them and that he took note of their work.

Tommy wasn’t really for heartfelt words but he too expressed in his own way how much he appreciated them being around. Most of his schemes wouldn’t have even happened without Y/N’s help after all. As a way to say thanks he would let them just take stuff fout his chets or when he heard they needed a specific resource he would wander out and get it for them. Of course saying something on the lines of “I was out there anyhow, so I brought some with me. It was on the way.” Y/N could read between the lines though. They grew up with him after all.

Y/N put so much energy into L’Manberg they couldn’t help but be in love with this little nation. They would do everything to protect their home.

When Y/N lost their first life it was together with their siblings protecting their nephew Fundy.

The Dream Team suddenly retreated after another battle against L’Manberg. While the group was celebrating what they thought was their first victory in ages, Eret appeared. She told the group of a small bunker with more resources.

Still celebrating Wilbur, Y/N, Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy made their way towards the bunker. The bunker that would later go down into history as “The Final Control Room.”

Inside they all looked at the labeled chests only to notice that they were empty. Eret then pressed a button which opened up secret walls with the Dream Team standing behind. She herself got into safety as Dream and his friends merciless attacked the L’Manberg faction.

As soon as Y/N understood what was happening they did their best to form a wall between the attackers and Fundy. Slowly pushing him out of the room while they made sure to block the exit, giving the Fox Hybrid enough time to run away.

When they woke up again it was inside their home. In L’Manberg. Sore from the respawning.

Once they did respawn though it didn’t take long for Fundy to barge into their room and throw himself against them, thanking them. Wilbur was close by, looking worse for wear as well but incredible thankful nonetheless.

After that and a few battles more Tommy challenged Dream to a duel in order to secure independence. He lost so instead he bartered his music discs for freedom.

After Tommy respawned a second time Y/N made sure to spent most of their time hovering around him. Making sure he was doing alright.

But with that L’Manberg was independent and it was Y/N’s time to shine. Sure, they worked hard on strengthening the infrastructure of the nation but now, maybe even because of that, they basically coordinated all the new builds.

Shops, homes and other things were being build with them overseeing it. Meanwhile Wilbur and Tommy took care of the political part only to come to the conclusion that they had to have a proper election.

At first it started innocently enough as well. New political parties were made that begun advertising themselves. Funny enough they would always come to Y/N asking them where they could hang up their posters. It was then that Y/N realized that the people saw them as some sort of authority, even asking them if they wanted to start their own campaign. They politely declined, saying they worked best as a support role.

Then Schlatt entered the stage and everything got thrown upside down.

In the end he managed to become the next president via a coalition and his first declaration as the president, or emperor as he called himself, was to exile Tommy and Wilbur.

As they ran for their life Y/N didn’t hesitate to follow. It hurt them so much to leave L’Manberg, their fruit and labor, behind. This only got worse once they realized that Tubbo was basically left alone back at the city under Schlatt’s rule.

Then Pogtopia got established.

Tommy, Wilbur and Y/N did their best to get a proper foothold again. Gathering resources and planning for ways to get their home back. And to accomplish this they soon called in the oldest sibling of the group, Technoblade.

Techno has been away for the longest time now. He moved out early to travel the world and apparently train himself. Somehow Tommy found a way to get a message to him, so he made his way towards Pogtopia.

He wasn’t big on words or emotions but as soon as he arrived he let Y/N hug him.

“This is a onetime deal, Y/N.”

With Techno they finally felt like they had a chance. Y/N could maybe return home someday. Back when they were children Techno always looked out for them so to have him back Y/N felt infinitely safer.

All the while Wilbur showed more and more signs that his mental health was rapidly declining. Y/N did their best trying to cheer him up but there was only so much they could do. Especially since they themself were struggling.

L’Manberg was their everything and now it was under the iron rule of Schlatt. They had to watch as Schlatt walked through the nation, ripping apart builds that they commissioned or even built themself. Every time he did something like that it felt like another stab wound directly into their heart.

Then the festival happened where Y/N lost their second life protecting Tubbo.

Schlatt wanted to apparently celebrate democracy and his amazing rule. Tommy and Wilbur weren’t allowed to join while Techno and Y/N received an invitation.

Y/N was very wary of that. They learned from Tubbo that Schlatt apparently was pretty interested in bringing them over to Manberg since a lot of the residents trusted them and saw them more as an authority than Schlatt himself, so bringing them over would probably also bring a lot of the residents around to his rule.

On the day of the festival Y/N made sure to stay close to Techno. Holding on to his arm and basically hiding behind him, not feeling up to talk with all the people in Manberg.

The people were happy to see them but Y/N was tired. They haven’t slept properly ever since the exile, too many thoughts that kept them awake.

Then the speeches started.

Honestly Y/N wasn’t really listening, their attention purely on a broken old building. It used to be the place where Y/N and the other residents would meet up and map out their plans for new builds. Discussing and even sometimes arguing on what materials should be used and where to get them. Now it was empty.

Their attention got pulled back towards what was actually happening once Tubbo begun speaking. It was a nice little speech Y/N had to admit.

Just as Tubbo was about to leave, Schlatt moved back in. Holding him in place and pushing him in something that Y/N had to describe as a cage with the help of Quackity.

“Techno, buddy. Come up here for a sec.”

Technoblade tensed up but still moved towards the stage. There Schlatt uttered the words that pulled the rug out from beneath Y/N once again.

“Kill him Techno. He is a traitor.”

“Don’t you dare!” Y/N yelled out, making their way towards the stage as well.

Y/N knew Techno couldn’t deal well with social pressure, especially when there were about ten people or more behind him that could attack him at any point.

Tubbo looked so scared as he pressed himself against the wall. There was no escape for him.

When Techno moved his crossbow up, aiming directly at Tubbo, Y/N let out another scream. Urging him to stop.

Explosions. Colorful explosions filled the place.

“Y/N!” it was Tubbo screaming their name out.

Just as Techno pressed the trigger Y/N managed to jump in front, the rockets hitting them instead of Tubbo.

Their older brother looked absolutely mortified “Y/N? Wha- What? Why? How?” staring at Y/N’s lifeless body that slowly dissolved. They were slowly respawning but seeing his siblings body was enough to send him in some sort of frenzy.

Filled with bloodlust he aimed his crossbow towards Schlatt and Quackity. Killing them with one press of the trigger only to turn around and aim his crossbow towards the people.

As this happened Tommy enderpearled over, screaming at Techno.

He helped Tubbo out of the cage who was still in a state of shock. He only saw Y/N for a second and the next they were laying on the ground in their own blood.

Y/N heard the details later after they respawned. Tommy had apparently been incredibly angry at Techno, even attacking him. Wilbur then offered that the two deal with their argument via a fistfight inside a pit.

Normally Y/N would have yelled at Wilbur for that. Would have told him that this was his dumbest idea yet but they were too shook from what had happened to them.

Technoblade always spelled safety to them but he killed them. Sure, he meant to kill Tubbo but that didn’t really make it any better. They gave him an out, they would have helped fighting off all these people so they could flee.

The next time they saw Techno they flinched every time he got too close to them and yet they still put on a smile “Never, do this again.”

Techno only nodded.

After this downward slope the momentum didn’t seem to stop for them. Wilbur dropped even more and more off. Falling victim to his paranoia. Y/N tried their best convincing him to not blow up Manberg, that they will fight to gain it back. At this point trying to gain back their L’Manberg was the only thing they could hold on to.

Though all that work was for nothing.

The war to take back L’Manberg went way differently than they all had imagined. Y/N fought with a viciousness most didn’t think they had it in them. This was the day for them to finally regain what they had wished for, for the longest time now.

Everything came to a halt once Dream surrendered. He showed them Schlatt who was sitting in the Carmavan. Drunk off his mind he yelled and screamed at people only to die of a heart attack which meant that the Pogtopia faction won.

The people begun cheering, they had their home back! They were free! Y/N was probably the loudest by far. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from their shoulders. All this hardship and they could finally return to working with the others and rebuild L’Manberg. Return it to its former glory.

Tubbo got appointed President and Y/N was happy with it. Tubbo had an eye for building and was a good person, with him they were sure they could do some amazing things.

Apparently Techno thought otherwise. Instead he pulled Soulsand out, holding onto the Wither skulls as a visible threat.

Y/N had somewhat forgiven Techno for what had happened. It was a stressful situation and they acknowledged it but seeing him there, threatening to kill all of them? That they knew they couldn’t forgive quite so easy. Especially since he made some sound points but it was their L’Manberg. The people didn’t like living under Schlatt’s rule, this wasn’t something that could be described simply as a coup. Technically he was right but only technically. There were so many things that came into play that could let you argue over that but Techno would have none of it. Yelling something about Tommy only wanting to be a hero.

When the first explosions rang Y/N thought it came from a Wither but Techno was still in the middle of putting the heads onto the structure.

When more explosions rang and the ground beneath their feet broke away, Y/N understood what had happened.

At some point Wilbur ran off and must have pressed the button. The button that set the TNT beneath the city ablaze, effectively destroying everything.

Y/N was too busy with finding hard ground again and then dealing with the Withers and Techno that they only noticed after the fighting ended, how broken the nation was now.

They had won. Why would Wilbur do this? He knew how much the nation meant to them and again, they had won, so there was no reason for blowing the place up!

And if that wasn’t enough to see how both their older brothers destroyed everything Y/N worked for, they also had to see how Philza, their father, stood next to the corpse of Wilbur. It felt like they lost everything.

They lost their trust in Technoblade.

They lost their hopes and dreams via Wilbur blowing up the freshly liberated L’Manberg.

They lost their trust in their own father who had slain his own son.

Y/N felt absolutely crushed. Family was so important to them and it was their own family that destroyed their hopes and dreams. They did everything for them and this is how they repaid them?

Once everything calmed down and Tubbo begun making plans on how to rebuild the nation, he immediately came to Y/N for help but they hesitated which worried him.

“Is everything okay? Usually you would have jumped on that offer, Y/N.”

Y/N put on a smile that didn’t seem to reach their eyes “Don’t worry Tubbo, of course I’ll help you. I’m just tired from what we have been through. I finally have time to take a breather and I think it all just crashed down on me.”

“Well if you ever need help you can talk to me.” It was an earnest offer that Y/N would never take advantage of.

Y/N mostly ignored Philza. He talked with them a few times and even explained what has happened but Y/N still made a wide berth around him. Seeing him just hammered back down the feeling of distrust and hurt. Their familial relationship took a hard hit from that point on.

With Ghostbur it was a weird situation as well. They enjoyed spending time with him but were also always incredibly sad around him. Ghostbur took notice of this and would always offer them to take some of his blue but Y/N declined every time.

“Don’t worry Ghostbur. Everything is still just fresh in my mind. I’ll be back to my old self in no time. You take care of yourself, you hear?”

“Of course Y/N! You have always looked out for me, thank you.”

L’Manberg slowly took on a proper form again but it wasn’t the L’Manberg Y/N knew. It felt to them like they were standing on top of a grave. A grave for their dreams and it was getting hard, real hard, to walk through it every day seeing places where they know specific buildings should be standing. Buildings they build on their own only to be destroyed by their brothers doing.

Then Tubbo exiled Tommy and Y/N felt conflicted. They felt obligated to stay in L’Manberg since they were the main person people came to for builds but that was their brother. Their only brother they still trusted and felt a need to protect.

Instead of following him into exile they stayed in the city. Visiting Tommy whenever they could, noticing pretty fast that he was struggling hard with his situation and for once they didn’t feel strong enough to properly support him. Y/N tried their best but once they noticed they couldn’t reach him completely they gave up a tiny bit.

It reminded them too much of Wilbur.

So while they visited him and helped them where they could, they spent more and more time alone in their home only coming out for work and other necessary things like food. Soon it was normal to see them with ever present dark circles beneath their eyes.

Before Philza disappeared to join Techno, he would stop by Y/N’s home all the time.

“Have you eaten, yet?”

“Yes, dad. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.”

“I just haven’t seen you much lately and I got worried.”

“Don’t worry. I’m fine. Hey, if you go out, please, can you tell Ghostbur to stop coming around to throw Blue inside my mailbox? He won’t listen to me but perhaps he will to you.” And they would always carry the same big smile on their face accompanied by empty eyes.

The only time their happiness reached their eyes again was when Tommy returned from his exile. They crashed into their younger sibling holding him close to them and muttering apologies. He pried them off, embarrassed by all of this.

This short bout of happiness was destroyed by Doomsday. Dream, Technoblade and Philza once again made sure to set L’Manberg ablaze.

The second time Y/N’s fruits and labor got completely annihilated by their family but still they had some hopes this time. They still had Tommy on their side they could just finally build a home somewhere else and live in peace but Tommy had other ideas. He had it in his mind to get his discs back and he would do anything for it.

So while Y/N tried to ground themself with new hopes and ideas, holding onto the only constant of what was important to them, that being Tommy, Tommy ignored them. He was too busy with his own things and the worst part was that Y/N couldn’t even fault him for it.

They understood how much these discs meant to him and that this was something that had to come to an end but with this they lost another, and possibly their last, anchor point.

Yet you could still see them running around with a smile, tending to every one and trying to help out the best they could.

Then suddenly they were gone. They just disappeared one day. The few people who took note of that took some time to look around but there was no sign as to where they left. Y/N didn’t take their armor with them nor any weapons or food.

< Y/N succumbed to despair and fell of a high place>

When every ones communicators rung out with this message the SMP fell quiet.

Tommy couldn’t believe what he was reading. This didn’t make any sense. Y/N was fine! They would talk with them and everything looked fine! This must have been a cruel joke from Dream somehow, right? This couldn’t be real. Why would Dream do this? This didn’t seem to make sense.

Exactly there was no sense in Dream doing this.

While Tommy was battling with his thoughts Tubbo came running over to him. Tears streamed down his face.

“What happened? Why did this happen? Where are they?”

Tommy was visibly shaking “I- I have no idea. I don’t know. They looked fine. I’m- I’m not sure. Tubbo-“

Tubbo just slammed into him, giving him a proper hug, trying his best to help Tommy through his rising panic. He lost another sibling and by Ender that hurt.

Meanwhile in the snowy Tundra both Philza and Techno were staring at their communicators as well.

Philza was pale. So pale it almost rivaled the snow around him.

Techno had his brows furrowed. For anyone who didn’t know him well enough he looked at best displeased with this situation but Philza could see the small details that told a different story. Him sucking his breath in as he read the message, hiding his quivering lip in his cloak. He was heartbroken.

Sure the two weren’t on good speaking terms but Y/N was still his younger sibling. He still loved them.

Philza felt similar. He acknowledged that he screwed up and honored their wish to be left alone by him but he never imagined this could lead to their death. His knees buckled and he sank to the ground. Two of his children died, one directly by his hand and the other due to his inaction.

His eyes glossed over, the world became a blur and yet he continued rereading this message over and over. Y/N just lost their last life.

Philza could hear Techno walk closer to him and sat down on the ground as well.

“Y/N is-“ Philza begun but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. State the obvious to his eldest son?

“I have more fault in this than you, dad. Don’t feel guilty.” His voice was uncharacteristically weak. Wavering as he spoke. He wanted to cheer Philza up but it was a weak attempt.

“What have we done.”

Ghostbur was at first confused when he read the message. It was like he couldn’t connect the dots but it slowly dawned on him what this meant.

“Oh my.” His usual happy demeanor was suddenly gone.

He touched his face and as he put his hands back down he saw how they were smeared with blue.

“Y/N is dead?”

His usual ghost behavior seemed to break a bit. It was like through the warped version of Wilbur that was called Ghostbur for a moment the true version of him came through again. And he was hurt. Devastated.

“I think I need to find the others.” He mumbled to himself, making his way towards his family. All the while he held onto the blue wool of Friend like a lifeline. Combing through it nervously. Blue continuing to spill from his eyes.

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

regret | deacon x sole survivor

“i don’t feel the same way, charmer.” his voice was barely a whisper.

sole felt a lump grow in their throat as they tried to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. they tried to let out a simple, “okay, i understand,” but only silence filled the air.

deacon knows. he catches the tears building up in their eyes and knows their voice is silently attempting to scratch its way out.

he desperately wants to stop their pain, wipe their tears and remind them that he thinks no differently of their relationship, but something in his heart tugs as sole fights back to hide their vulnerability from him. “i’m sorry.” is all he truly lets out because in reality, his words are just as lost as soles own.

to sole, his words become a blur. their knees become weak as their vision becomes clouded with tears they refuse to let out.

‘i’ll give them time,’ he thinks but his feet struggle to find movement as he continues to stare down at sole, speechless for the first time in a long while.

before he could make a move, sole rushes out of the room, not sparing him a second glance. the sound of the door shutting behind him breaks deacon out of his trance, grounding him back to reality.

a tinge of regret pokes at his heart and he silently pushes it away, knowing that this was for the best. he didn’t have feelings for them and it was nothing but the truth.

or so he thought.

-

the next few weeks are almost a blur for him as his partner goes mia from the commonwealth. the first two weeks, he tries to let it be, convincing himself that sole might’ve needed some time to themselves to sort their feelings out, so he lets them. seeing them might be the last thing they need, so he tries to fight the urge to do so.

yet, as time goes by, the worry in his heart rapidly grows when they’re announced as missing by the minutemen. he grows unnaturally quiet upon hearing their words and feels himself grow weak at the possibilities of what could’ve happened to his partner.

searching far and wide did almost nothing for him and only flared his concern. there was little to no clues of their disappearance and the hope that he would find them sooner or later began to slowly deteriorate.

deacon takes in a deep breath, trying to soothe his mind of all the concern and regret. how could he let it get this bad? why couldn’t he at least check up on them day to day instead of running away?

deep down, he knew the truth of it all. it screamed volumes to him and no matter how much he tried to silence it, it grew louder with every passing second. he avoided sole as much as they avoided him because deacon refused to confront the truth between them both. he never provided closure because he never knew how to.

and the more he refused to face the reality of the situation, the longer the days stretched. he found himself pushing everyone away, spending countless nights with tears streaming down his face, hoping someday sole would just turn up on the railroads doorstep. he didn’t care if they forgave him or not— he just wanted to see them safe.

tonight, he found himself with a bottle in his hand, hunching over the counter as he drank the night. he silently thanked lady luck for landing him in an almost empty bar for no one to catch the state he put himself in. unbeknownst to him, a certain mercenary watched his back from the minute he’s entered the bar till the very last drop of his nth bottle.

“you know, i don’t think that’s a very healthy thing to do.” deacon looked over his shoulder, and though his vision continued to spin, he automatically recognized the annoying face that pestered him.

“let a man ‘ave fun, asshole.” he slurred, trying to push out a grin. maccready rolled his eyes and occupied the seat near deacon, folding his arms.

“i’m serious.” mac pulled the bottle away from his hands, tossing it to the bin nearby.

“hey, i was-!” before he could finish, the mercenary cut him off, not wanting to listen to a word that left his mouth. “do you wanna talk about it?”

his words cut through the facade he tried to pull off and deacon immediately fell silent upon his words. “i know we don’t meet eye to eye all that much, but i hate to see you like this.”

as much as he wanted to lie to his face, continue his said facade, he wasn’t physically able to upkeep that image anymore. it was extremely tiring, especially with everything going on. he let out a sigh and allowed his head to fall on his arms that rested on the table. “you wouldn’ understan’.”

theres a pregnant pause, but he eventually responds. “i don’t, but i could try.”

it takes him a few moments to decide whether or not to confide in someone, especially maccready of all people. to his dismay, the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself from letting it out.

“you won’t tell?” it’s a point of no return— he knows — but for some reason, he doesn’t take it back. was the consequences of actions finally getting to him? probably. he didn’t have time to think as maccready let out a small, but shocked, “of course.”

and so he lets it out— not everything — but enough for maccready to get the message. how it all lead up this point and how it contributed to their disappearance.

“i think i made a mistake.” he says, voice barely a whisper. “i made a huge fucking mistake and i don’t know what to do.”

mac looks down at agent with sympathy, detecting the pain trapped in his voice and sighs, “we all do. it’s just the human in us.”

the rest of his words grow obscured as his eyes droop, the alcohol and sleepless nights finally catching up to him. slowly, but surely, the world blacks out.

-

it’s almost dreamlike— the feeling of his hair being brushed softly and the way a familiar voice lulls him awake. he lets out a small groan as his head pounds violently from what he hoped was the night before. he thinks it’s all in his head; the soft touches and the soft voice that continued to fall upon his ears. it’s so painfully familiar, yet it couldn’t be but he felt his heart jump at the possibility of it.

“sole?” his eyes shoot open but close back in an instant as the gentle light illuminating from the window cracks filled his vision. his head dips on what seems to be their lap, trying to block it out desperately. he felt the same hand that brushed his locks rest on top of his eyes to protect it from the sunlight that only made his head throb more.

“morning sleepyhead.” upon hearing that sweet sound, tears began to form in his eyes once more. the one person he’s yearned to see for what seemed like centuries was finally within arms reach. just like that, his tears fell effortlessly, collecting in soles hand as it streamed down his cheeks.

“deacon?” before they could remove their hand to reveal the tears spilling from his eyes, he quickly places his hand on top of theirs as a silent request to keep his eyes hidden.

“i’m sorry.” he chokes out, voice cracking through each word that left his lips, “i’m fucking sorry. i-“ he gently squeezed the same hand that rested on top of theirs. sole remained silent, watching as he spoke through ragged breaths. he tried his best to muster out his apologies, thoughts — feelings — through the pounding of his mind.

“everything i said, it was a lie. it was all a fucking lie just to avoid having some kind of attachment in my life. i hurt you because i was scared of facing my fears.”

“lie? scared? deacon, what-,” their words drifted into nothingness as deacon continued on.

“no matter how much i tried to run away from it, i knew i couldn’t. i had feelings for you. feelings more than this partnership that we both agreed to do, more than the best friends we claimed to be.” at this point, his feelings poured through the cracks of his heart and he knew that he would fix it this time, even if sole no longer felt the same way. “i fell for you hard. i was in love with you and i still am, sole.”

after a deep breath, he continued on. “you don’t have to forgive me. you don’t even have to give me the chance to love you properly, i just want you to know i’m sorry. i’m sorry it had to take you to leave from my life for me realize how much this meant to me. how much you meant to me.”

for a moment, it’s still; the air seems tense at first and time seems to freeze. there’s this sense of fear that overtakes his mind for a mere second.

soon enough, time seems to continue on as sole places a soft kiss on his forehead, allowing it to linger for a few seconds. “we’ll talk about this more when you wake up, okay?” they whisper and as reassuring as it sounds, he’s still terrified. terrified that he’ll wake up alone.

“will you be here when i wake up?” he tries to let it out calmly, but there is a hint of panic and unsureness in his voice he couldn’t push away any longer. all of that seems to melt away as sole lets out a small chuckle, his heart swelling with a mix of pain and relief.

“yes.” they reassure, “i’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

he let out a relieved sigh, keeping his hand on top of the one that covered his eyes. for the first time in weeks, everything finally felt right.

“love you, charmer.” before he could hear their reply, he felt himself being pulled into slumber that quietly called his name.

[spookybreadstick]

Helloo! I hope you're okay and having a great day UwU I loved the headcanon about Toby's soulmate and I wanted to ask that's headcanon for Jeff, EJ and Ben

this was sent in before the whole situation happened this week, apologies for being late but here it is!

also note: in my interpretation of the red string au, you cannot see or feel the string unless you get into a close radius of your soulmate

💞 Jeff & the Red String AU 💞

🔪 When Jeff was little, he thought of his soulmate as like a weird gross thing

🔪 Like how a lot of little kids, especially little boys, think of kissing and love and getting married as something that’s too grown-up and gross

🔪 Jeff knew that, logically, this would happen to him someday. There had been a time when he saw the red string on his finger. It only happened once, for a brief minute, but he knew that this confirmed the existence of his mysterious soulmate. 

🔪 When he got a little older, he knew enough that love and soulmates weren’t a gross thing anymore. But he didn’t like the idea of having a soulmate either.

🔪 This is because his parents used the concept of a soulmate to basically punish him. 

🔪 Jeff broke a toy by accident? Well, his soulmate would never love him now, who would want a soulmate that breaks things?

🔪 Jeff got a bad grade at school? Well, his soulmate will be very unlucky to have him for a soulmate, since he’s obviously so stupid. 

🔪 Jeff got a cut and cried about it? His parents feel bad for his soulmate, because they have to deal with a crybaby for a soulmate.

🔪 His parents really hurt his self-esteem and ruined the joy that comes with having a soulmate. So by the time the whole “incident” happened, Jeff was completely done with people as a whole, much less his soulmate. He could care less who they were, and what they were like. It just didn’t matter to him anymore, and it hadn’t for a while. 

🔪 As time went on, Jeff forget about even having a soulmate. It was something he didn’t want to deal with, so he just pushed it to the back of his mind and never thought about it. 

🔪 Until one night, when everything changed

🔪 It started off as a regular night out looking for a victim

🔪 The house he selected was random. He truly did not notice the red string on his finger appear.

🔪 He didn’t notice the string, even as he entered the house and crept up the stairs to the bedroom. He was too focused on the task at hand, too caught up in his thoughts to even look down and notice the red string tugging at his finger. 

🔪 But when he held up the knife, he noticed the string. It’s presence startled him so much, that he let out a little half-shout.   

🔪 This was enough to wake the sleeping figure, who screamed and decked him across the face with their pillow. 

🔪 The impact was something that Jeff was not expecting, combined with the shocking realization that this person was his soulmate, so he dropped his knife onto the bed and stumbled backwards.

🔪 His soulmate scrambled to grab the knife, and pointed it towards Jeff in the most menacing way they could manage. 

🔪 “Get out of my house!” You, Jeff’s soulmate, yelled as you brandished the knife. 

🔪 Jeff stood up and peered at you, before scoffing, “Now that’s some way to talk to your soulmate.” 

💞BEN & the Red String AU 💞

🎮 BEN, as a small child, didn’t care too much about the concept of soulmates.

🎮 That was grown-up business, and he didn’t want to think about that until he was bigger. Now, he just wanted to play and have fun.

🎮 BEN never saw the red string around his finger, which lead him to believe, especially after the bullies had taunted him about it, that he didn’t have a soulmate.

🎮 He only saw the string as he died, for a split second as it turned black and then the whole world turned black too.

🎮 What he didn’t know was, on his soulmate’s end, you could see the string too. But it quickly turned from red to gray, then split into a million ashy pieces before disappearing. You knew that this meant the death of your soulmate.

🎮 But what you didn’t know was, your soulmate’s death was not final.

🎮 He had resurrected, but you had no way of knowing. Your string was gone, and to your knowledge your soulmate was dead.

🎮 BEN found you, once, though.

🎮 He didn’t have the string anymore. Once you died, your string fell off and you didn’t have a soulmate anymore. You were dead. You couldn’t have a soulmate.

🎮 But, BEN was a ghost, a special kind of dead where he was still able to be somewhat alive.

🎮 This meant that he had a feeling of where you were in the pit of his stomach. And he followed this feeling until he found you.

🎮 He had no way of knowing that you were his soulmate, there was no string to confirm it, but his ghostly instincts told him it was true.

🎮 BEN thought about approaching you, but thought better of it.

🎮 After all, who would ever want a ghost for a soulmate?

💞EJ & the Red String AU 💞

🤍 In his before-life, when he had been human, Jack was fascinated by the the science behind having soulmates. 

🤍 He was interested in finding his own soulmate, sure, but he was far more interested in the unknown science beyond the soulmate. How could this happen? Why exactly did it happen? How exactly did this work?  

🤍 Jack spent hours studying soulmates as a whole, that was his major in college, and he was close to finding out some of the answers when the transformation happened. 

🤍 After the transformation, and after he’d had some time to get used to his new form and regain some of his memories, he began to regret not using his time pre-demon to find his soulmate. 

🤍 He had, while human, always assumed that he’d have plenty of time to find his soulmate after he graduated. He wasn’t in a rush to find his soulmate like some people, he believed that they’d meet each other when the time was right for the both of them, and it was no use trying to rush it when it would happen just as it was meant to be. 

🤍 There were times, pre-demon times, when Jack could faintly see the string, for a split second, and he found some comfort knowing that they were close by. This was also enough to reassure him that he didn’t need to go looking for his soulmate, that he could focus on his studies and just find his soulmate naturally. 

🤍 Now, EJ regretted the time he had wasted trying to study other people’s soulmates rather than searching for his own. He wallowed in self-pity when he was alone in his room (he didn’t want the others to see this), because he believed that in his new demon-form, he would never be able to meet his soulmate. He wondered if they were even his soulmate anymore, since he was a demon. As far as he knew, humans only had other humans for a soulmate. But, was he really even a human anymore? 

🤍 There was one day, when EJ was feeling particularly sorry for himself, that he decided to go out on a walk in the woods to clear his mind of this soulmate business. He walked, head down and lost in thought, so much so that he didn’t notice the other person until he had already been spotted. 

🤍 He froze, like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do since he had been seen by a human person. Should he run? Should he attack them? Oh, he really did not want to hurt anybody! Especially since it wasn’t time for him to prepare for another meal yet!  

🤍 As EJ’s mind raced with questions of what to do, the other person stepped closer towards him. 

🤍 “A-are you okay?” You, the person in question, called out. 

🤍 EJ stood still, glued to the spot and unable to formulate a reply. 

🤍 “Um, I think we’re soulmates.” You called out, raising your finger. 

🤍 EJ was surprised to feel the tug of the string on one of his own fingers. 

🤍 “My string... it went gray a while ago, but it didn’t fall off or anything. Just stopped seeing it, but sometimes it would pop up and be white. I didn’t know what that meant, and I was too scared to ask anybody. But today, it popped up and it was a bright white, and I felt it tug and I followed it into the woods and... it’s you. So even though I’m sort of scared of what this means, and who you are, I know you’re my soulmate. So, whatever this is, it’s meant to be.” You rambled nervously to fill EJ’s silence. 

🤍 “Meant to be...” EJ echoed, tears of tar and joy dripping down his face. 

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Hidden Marks

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Request:  Hii! If you still taking request I want ask for an soulmate au with Elijah, where which one of them have the same mark. He and his soulmate are very good friends for a long time and never have thought about this, but someday he see her mark and find out about this but don't tell her for being afraid of hurting her because of his family -Anon

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Tad bit of angst, mentions of blood, but that's canon at this point.

Author’s Note: I apologize that this wasn't out earlier today. But there was some things in it that were bugging me and I just couldn't let it post without fixing it! It's still the 7th for me so this is your fic for the day! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

“Oh come on,” Y/N said as she turned and faced Elijah as a smile pulled at her lips. “Are you really telling me that you’ve given up on looking?”

Elijah shook his head slightly as he let a huff of air past his lips. “For as many times as you’ve tried to persuade me to find who my soulmate is, my answer has remained the same.”

“Deep down I don’t think you mean it.” Y/N said with a slight tilt of her head. “You give the advice of your best friend ‘needing’ to find who she is ‘destined’ to be with, but you wont take your own advice or mine for that matter.”

When Elijah was younger, he believed that Soulmates finding each other was something magical. He may have lived with his mother who was a witch, and even a few of his brothers, but this was different. Elijah could remember the stories some of the villagers told him about how they found their soulmates. That the marks they were born with would match the person they were meant to be with.

Elijah had hoped that his soulmate would come along and he’d get to experience that kind of magic that he witnessed. He wondered who his soulmate was. How he would meet them and when they would realize who they were to each other. But when Henrik died, Elijah had felt his opportunity to meet his soulmate had been lost the moment he became a vampire.

The magical feeling he once believed in had been diminished over time. As the centuries had passed Elijah had never once met someone who he would ever be his soulmate. That there was no longer someone out there that would share the same mark as he did. As the years passed, the thoughts of a soulmate had all but diminished.

Elijah’s mark had been just below his left clavicle. The mark is a few shades darker than his skin tone. An intricate design of three circles intertwined in a horizontal line. His clothing always covering the mark from everyone around him. So long as it was covered, he wouldn’t be asked about it.

At least that was until Y/N came into his life. The vampire may have been several centuries younger than him, but they had become close friends over the past century. Elijah had met her during his time away from Klaus. The need to be away from his brother for a while had proved to be much needed. And when he met Y/N there didn’t seem to be anyone else better to spend his time with.

But during that time, he never mentioned what his mark looked like, let alone asked her what her mark looked like. Y/N was like Elijah in some ways. She once believed that soulmates were like fairytales. But when she turned, the notion of having her soulmate found had diminished.

“Was it not just a few hours ago that you reminded me that you’d rather not find them?” Elijah asked as he watched her.

The smile she had on her face faded slightly. “I have my reasons.” she shrugged slightly. “I may change my mind if I see you find yours.”

A light chuckle passed Elijah’s lips as he began walking down the pathway they stopped in moments before. “I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

There were several more conversations similar to that between them. But no matter how many times each of them brought it up, they both believed that they didn’t want to know who their soulmate was. They were content with their lives and it avoided the disappointment if their soulmates were human and lost some time ago. This way, there wouldn’t be heartache.

_____

“Elijah?” Y/N called out as she struggled to keep herself steady as she walked into the compound. She hadn’t ever expected to go to Elijah when she had been injured. But she needed help this time. Someone had attempted to shoot a wooden bullet at her and it was currently lodged in her back.

In a blink of an eye, Elijah was in front of her taking in her appearance. His eyes had widened as he helped her over to a seat in the courtyard. “What happened.” He asked as he took note of the current bullet holes in her shirt.

“Oh you know, failed attempt at making friends.” She tried to brush off the pain that was currently radiating through her. “ I just need you to help take one of them out. The others were easy to do. But this one is lodged in there.”

Elijah moved behind her as came to take note of where she had been speaking about. There had been a tear in her shirt from the attempt to make the bullet hole bigger to get the wooden bullet out. He could see the healed spots from the others that she had been able to take out.

It was as he moved the fabric aside to begin pulling the bullet out that he noticed the mark right above it. He stopped for a moment as he took in the horizontal circles that were intertwined. For as many times as he had seen his own mark, it was replicated on Y/N’s skin.

Y/N could feel how he hesitated; she looked over her shoulder at him. “What is it?”

Elijah shook his head slightly. “I believe that is the first time I’ve seen your mark.” He said before he began to poke and prod at the bullet hole.

She hissed as she felt him digging into her skin and muscle. “There’s a first for everything.”

Y/N knew that while they had joked and pressed the other to go in search of their soulmates, they never once actually saw each other’s mark. For the century and a half that she had known Elijah, she had never once seen Elijah’s mark, just as he hadn’t seen hers until this moment.

Elijah hadn’t said anything in response. If anything he was letting his mind go over everything the last several centuries had shown him. He had been at his lowest, the lowest that he could be as a Vampire, when Y/N had entered his life. They had gotten along so well during that time that Elijah just considered it them having a lot in common.

“I take it now that you’ve seen it, you’re going to go on a mission to find my soulmate for me?” She asked a moment later, hoping to fill the air with voices instead of the sound of blood and muscle being messed with.

“I thought you disagreed with that plan.” Elijah tried to keep his voice normal as he talked with her.

As much as seeing the mark should have made him happy, that he should have stopped right then and there and told her what it was that he realized, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It had nothing to do with the bullet that he was now pulling out from her back. If that had been the case, he’d tell her the moment he watched her skin begin to heal before his eyes.

“Oh, I do.” Said with a nod as rolled her shoulders, stretching out the muscles of her back where the bullet had been moments before. “That doesn’t mean it will stop you from doing it.”

Her words had caused him to chuckle as he pulled out his handkerchief and began cleaning his hands of her blood. She turned towards him in her seat, watching as he tossed the bullet onto the table a moment later.

“I have no intentions of seeking someone out that you do not wish to meet.” He noted with a nod of his head as he looked over at her. Even after getting into some trouble, she still looked as if she could still take on the world.

There was something in her eyes that changed a moment after his words had pierced the air. “Would you tell me if you saw the mark on someone else?”

“Of course.” He said even though it had been a lie. He knew he wasn’t going to speak of the very mark that was on his chest.

As much as Elijah wanted to express every thought he was having at the moment, he couldn’t allow himself too. Not with the past that he had. Not when there were multiple reasons why he didn’t want her to know.

Not to mention the track record he had with the women in his life. While one would argue that it was all meant to lead up to him meeting Y/N, Elijah knew that even she wasn’t immune to the darkest parts of his family or even himself.

He watched as she stood up from her seat. “Thank you for helping me with that.” She gestured to the bullet. “Would I be able to interest you in a little night hunt?”

There was a smirk pulling at her lips, one that Elijah couldn’t stop one from forming on his own. She was offering him a night of catching those that attempted to harm her. Between the two of them, the sport of keeping each other and his family had been a game of keeping score. His head nodded in agreement at the thought of helping her.

He always promised to help keep her safe. And it was as they began leaving the compound that Elijah realized in order to do so, he was going to have to keep his mark hidden from her.

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