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#lots of yo mama jokes
rainbowgaez · 4 months
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what are some contenders for best video of all time in your opinion
Asking me to choose nominees for the best ever is really hard, so have a list of some of my all time favorites:
They Found Out Ed Edd n Eddy stopped playin' on the TV
BYron. Come here to memy son.
103 Fever
mmmm.avi
MY PAROLE OFFICER CAME OVER AND SAID I'M-I NEEDA GO INTO CUSTODYYYY
MAN GOES HAM MUST SEE
SJW gets fucking owned
VENGABOYS DEATH
Top 100 Bloodborne Bosses
Here Comes the Sun
Leon mentions Undertale in Resident Evil 4.
Ey. I'm the bona guy, and I love to have a boner.
Dr. Pepper... the famous 23 flavor soda... has lots of spinoff products...
D̵̻͑Ḭ̴̍D̵̘̄ ̵̠͐Y̴͙̎O̴̲͂U̵͇̅ ̸͉͌D̶̲́Ó̷̻ ̶̨͠Ṫ̷̲H̶͎̒I̵͈̚S̴͈̿
Whole time rock n roll lyrics
DONT YOU GIVE UP NAH NAH NAH
Adult Baby Diaper Boy Explosion And House Fire September 28 2015
what i tell u bout that campbells chunky
Larry the cable guy kills himself
ITS PIKACHU
Yo Mama Jokes But The Punchline is Always Xbox Live Vocoded to Sirens
check your iphone at the door
PARKOUR ACCIDENT
GTA Guitar Bro
My Movie
Augh... why did he eat the bee?
My Bear Video
FRED FUCKSTONE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS
Prove Yourself in the Big Leagues
Just to name a few.
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fraux140 · 4 months
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König Headcanons
General, relationship, and NSFW. I hope you enjoy these! It's my first real post :)
General hcs
Had a cleft lip as a child and was part of the reason he was bullied. It was surgically repaired but there is still a scar
One of his parents is German and the other is Austrian which might explain why he has no Austrian dialect (lets pretend this is canon instead of activision just clumping all German speakers into one category lmao)
He has auburn hair but buzzes it so often that its hard to tell
LOVES Minecraft. He plays creative mode when he's trying to make masterpieces like city replicas or fantasy worlds, but loves the challenge of survival mode if he's playing with friends.
He was a total mama's boy as a kid. When his father tried to get him to 'man up' his mother was always there to protect him. Another reason he was bullied.
Chronic mansplainer but its unintentional. If you're discussing a topic he knows a lot about he will hijack the conversation and unload a bunch of info to you. He doesn't mean it maliciously.
Undiagnosed ADHD - explains why he has trouble staying still and was a bad candidate for being a sniper. But it isn't so bad that it is noticeable. He can mask it when he needs to.
Again with the ADHD thing. He hyperfixates on topics he finds interesting and even his job. Mission plan is memorised. Terrain? Memorised. Enemy info? Memorised. The ever-changing locations and nature of his job mean that he doesn't have to worry about succumbing to the boredom of monotony.
When he isn't deployed he is a beer drinker - particularly Stiegl Hell. A total beer snob as well. Any kind of American beer? Throw it away. Carling? Fosters? Sagres? Get that second rate crap away from him and prepare to be mansplained about how much better Austrian/German beer is than any other.
Has an apartment in the same neighbourhood as his parents' house so he can visit a lot when he's not deployed. His apartment is very basic and he stays there so his parents have their privacy. Their house is his home.
His mother is a seamstress and his father was a mechanic in the army. This man knows how to sew and how to keep his car healthy.
Unironically reposts alpha male quotes - not because he's a misogynist but because he genuinely believes he is the definition of an alpha male.
Teeny tiny bit of a superiority complex. Arrogant af. Stems from his size, strength, and skills. Finished Jagkdo selection second in his 'class'. It haunts him every day. Second place is the first to lose.
Is a genuinely unsettling guy. Not in a creepy way. He kind of just stands around and stares when he enters a place before deciding what to do. For example at the pub, he walks in and stares at the bar before deciding where to sit. Or if he sees somebody new, like somebody he thinks is particularly weird or someone attractive he will stare at them. It is a bit more intense than the typical 'German stare', and more off-putting because of his size.
Relationship hcs
If you're dating König, the first stages of your relationship will be spent trying to figure out how to be comfortable.
Like I said before, he is unsettling and might say something as such, coming across a bit too strong.
For example, if someone is annoying you at work he might offer to kill them. "I could hide the body no problem, schatz. Just ask." And he is very hard to read, so you can't tell if he's joking or not.
If his weirdness didn't scare you away and your relationship progresses, he unintentionally tries to manage you.
Packing a suitcase? You're doing it wrong. It's more efficient to fold the clothes like this to maximise space. Want to go for a walk? Not in those shoes. Function trumps fashion every time. Ordering at a foreign food restaurant? Let him do it for you, you're probably pronouncing it wrong. He's your passenger? You had time to pull out, liebling! Go for the overtake! Change lanes! Ffs schatzi, pull over and let him take the wheel.
Unintentionally condescending. You worked really hard on a new recipe? It's good, but he's had better at this restaurant. He recommends adding this and that...
You're complaining about how stressful your job is? Babe, you wouldn't know stress if it hit you in the face. Have YOU ever been shot at? Narrowly dodged an explosion? Being chased by enemies who are actively trying to kill you? Yeah, didn't think so...
Eventually it gets too much. You're on the verge of breaking up with him because he makes you feel like crap. He diminishes your achievements. Undermines your emotions. It's too much and being with him is making you hate yourself. And you don't deserve to feel this way.
After you tell him, he is mortified. He didn't think that his matter-of-fact way of speaking could be so mean and make you feel this way. He's so sorry, baby. Give him another chance? He'll show you how special you are to him!
After you forgive him and he agrees to change, life is much better. He gives more compliments, he listens more attentively and he tries to be more emotional instead of 'logical'. He comes to respect that you can feel a certain way about things happening in your life and doesn't have to compare it to himself.
He takes you hiking very often. So often that your legs are noticeably more toned. He buys you all of the expensive gear you need to hike in any terrain.
Sometimes sews little trinkets for you or embroiders something on your clothes - a skill he picked up from his seamstress mother.
When you tell him his alpha male quote sharing is cringe and makes him seem like an asshole, he begins to question how you see him. Don't you see how big and strong he is, baby?
When he finally gets it, he slowly starts to lose the façade. This front he puts up? It starts to come down. You want to be the big spoon? Go right ahead.
The new König loves to be doted on. Rub his belly. Run your hands through his hair/over his head if he's buzzed. Hug him. Cuddle with him on the couch. Tell him how big and strong he is - he eats it right up.
Loves working out with you. He likes showing you he's strong enough to protect you. Sit on his back while he doe push-ups. See? No problem. Look at how much weight is on this barbell! He can lift it no problem.
You told him that he can't live on ordering food from fancy restaurants every night. He needs to learn to cook. He's annoyed at first because he can afford it for both of you, but you make him learn how to cook. This time learning together in the kitchen brings you closer together. There is something beautiful about working so hard on a meal and enjoying the results together.
Sometimes he wants to surprise you when you come back from work with a new dish he'd invented. Wagyu steaks sautéed in lager and seasoned with rosemary and turmeric. It was disgusting. You couldn't find it within yourself to tell him.
NSFW hcs
When he was insecure and in his 'alpha male' stage, he was a total dom. Not that you didn't enjoy it.
Now that he's grown, he still loves fucking you in doggy or missionary or any position where he's in control. But now he'll let you ride him for as long as you want.
He LOVES laying back and watching you use his dick to get yourself off. Another reason he loves cowgirl is because he loves watching you struggle with the initial stretch of sinking onto his fat cock.
You tried to convince him to let you peg him once. He outright refused. Maybe he wasn't there yet.
Call him dirty all you want, he loves fucking you after you have worked out together. And you don't mind it either. Seeing him all hot and bothered and out of breath is a huge turn on for you.
Can be aggressive. He likes biting you but not to the point it draws blood.
Sends absolutely horrendous nudes when you're in public with no warning when he's deployed. You'll get a whatsapp notification and you open it to see a picture of his raging hard on while you're at work.
He gets creative with the angles. He tries different lighting. In a strange way you found it very romantic. His captions are atrocious though. 'He misses you', 'I wish I could shoot my sperms into you instead of bullets into my enemies', 'My cock is harder than my job'. They are honestly so fucking weird. But you have grown to love his weird little quips.
Likes roleplay. He likes to be a policeman while you're a petty thief. He's a burglar and he'll leave you alone if you give him something else.
Loves overpowering you. Sometimes when he's fresh home from deployment he will drive you two to the woods at night. He will give you a head start and then hunt you down like a predator. He was in the jagdkommando, darling, didn't you know that means 'Hunting commando'?
When he catches you, the adrenaline gets to the both of you and you fuck like wild animals. Biting, scratching, howling and begging. He always cums inside of you on nights like these, breeding you like a true animal
When you get home and after you've showered (he washes your back for you and kisses along the nape of your neck), he's showering you with kisses and cuddles while you settle into bed and watch something together on TV.
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knack4harlow · 1 year
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“Don’t go over your budget”
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“Are you still giving me the silent treatment?” 
“…”
“C'mon Y/N I said I’m sorry .”
“…”
Jack tilted his body against the wall in the doorway watching his girlfriend as she refused to even look at him. Wanting to be the bigger person, he slumped his shoulders and slowly walked over to the edge of the bed where you laid. 
“C'mon, baby it was just a joke I swear.” 
“Would it be just a joke if I said you need to start covering that 100 acres of forehead you got?” 
“Guess you aren’t so sad anymore huh?” He mumbled, quietly fixing his curly bangs.
“You know how insecure I am about my body hair Jack.” 
He sighed, “Your right baby I’m sorry, I took it too far and I apologize. You're gorgeous with or without body hair”
You silently smiled to yourself at that, but wouldn’t let it show of course.
He started to gently rub your back and give you slow kisses on your arm and shoulder. “What can I do to make it up to you sweet girl?” He pleaded in between kisses. You immediately sat up. 
“Makeup run?” you smiled.
He laughed, “Wow that was easy.” playfully rolling his eyes. 
He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Princess you know I like to spoil you but you spent over 2,000 dollars last time, we can do anything else. “
“How about no sex for a week?”
“I'll go get my shoes on”
15 minutes later both of you were finally ready and we're heading out the door and climbing into his jeep. The drive to the mall wasn't that far from your apartment and before you knew it you were pulling up to the parking lot. Before climbing out of the car your boyfriend grabbed your wrist.
“Y/N you have a budget of 400.”
“400?!” you yelled, a little bit too loudly. “After the way you treated me?”
“$450”
“$550”
“$500”
“$800” 
“$200”
“550 it is.” you smiled. 
“That's what I thought” he smirked. “Watch that attitude” you smiled back as you leaned into a kiss, rubbing his beard.
He grabbed your hand as you both walked into the store feeling the brush of air. 
“God damn it's cold in here,” he whispered to himself. 
“ Baby it's 90 degrees outside.” 
“And?”  
“Nevermind” you rolled your eyes. 
“Sassy ass” you mumbled to yourself. “Don’t start,” he replied. 
After a little bit of looking around with him following close behind, you both made your way to where you get your concealer. While looking for your shade you saw your boyfriend wander and go towards some other products. 
“God damn did everybody take my shade?” you uttered to yourself.
“Baby, what's up with these names?”, “Better than sex, better than sex foreplay, shit making me horny”. You giggled at his antics “Jack please put that down.” 
“Maybe we can go to the back of the store or something,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. 
“It's official, I’m never bringing you here again,” you said walking away from him as he smacked his lips together.
You made your way over to the skin care section and started piling your basket.
“Hey remember your budget,” Jack said furrowing his eyebrows. “It's $800 right?” you joked looking up at him. He didn't find it amusing though. 
“We should really get some of this stuff for you, especially something to help with those eyebrows.” your boyfriend jerked his head up at that, “What's wrong with my eyebrows?”
“Nothing” you smiled while walking away.
“Y/N wait!”
Truthfully there was nothing wrong with his eyebrows, or anything in his face for that matter. But since he wanted to tease you, you decided it would be best to tease him back.
After walking around more, soon you both had made it over to the fragrance section. 
“Jack smell this for me, baby,” you said, spraying some in the air. “It smells nice mama, but don't you already have a full shelf of perfumes already?”
“I'm sorry Jackman Thomas Harlow, are you judging me right now? Me? After you just disrespected and hurt my feelings?”
“Of course not, baby.” 
“That's what I thought, cause let me say something about your big ass box of Pokemon cards-” you started off
“You made your point”
“Mhm,” you smirked. 
Soon you were basically done with your shopping and you and your boyfriend were heading towards the register. While on your way you passed by a new collection by one of your favorite brands.  “OMG POOKS LOOK '' you yelped. He stood behind you watching you pick up every single product in pure enjoyment.
“I know I probably went over budget but baby please” you pleaded.
“Go ahead” he frowned jokingly.
You shoved everything into your basket and both of you headed towards the cashier. 
“Your total is $630.50, will you be doing cash or card sir?” the lady behind the counter smiled, handing her hand out.
You looked up at Jack ready for him to tell you to put some stuff back, but instead he smiled to himself and took his card out.  
“Thank you for shopping with us today!” the lady smiled(a little too hard in your opinion)
After getting settled in the car you looked up at him and frowned. 
“Pooks I went over my budget, why’d you still pay?” 
“You really thought you had a budget? Baby I would’ve bought the whole store for you if you had wanted it.” He laughed
“Wow so you really had your girlfriend in there doing calculations, knowing damn well I’m bad at math, trying to save your money?” You crossed your arms.
“Yes and it was adorable watching you.” He smiled teasing you.
“You're lucky, you're cute.” You smile, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 
“Thank you for spending your money on me though,” you mumbled in between kisses on his cheek. 
“I’m always going to do  whatever I can to see those pretty dimples.” That made you smile even more. 
“And plus, I really do feel bad about what I said baby, I’ll do anything to make you happy honestly.” 
“Thank you pooks” you smiled showing your dimples. 
As he started driving you started rummaging through your 8 full bags sitting by your feet. 
“So when are you gonna apply some of that Nair though?”
That earned him a hard smack to the back of the head and a mean glare.
“Too early?”
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dilfl0v3rss · 1 year
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Hear me outt 🌝 - jealous ony .. and y/n gets a lil lesson
yes yes yesssssss😩
all mine
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cw: car sex, public sex!!
word count: 1.8k
── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────
ony isn’t the jealous type, having lots of confidence in your love for him. he trusted you with his life and expected you to do the same with him so if there was an issue that had him feeling a little more possessive then it usually had barely anything to do with you. it was these thirsty ass niggas.
“baby please go sit the fuck down. too damn early for you t’be irritating me.” it was nine in the morning and you decided i’d be fun to give ony a little show in the living room, twerking and singing along to different songs playing on youtube. right now the princess dianna remix was playing and you was sitting in his lap, bouncing up and down as if you were riding him. “cmon boy i know you wanna touch all dis.” hands raking all over your body as you looked down at his bored face.
ony wasn’t trying to do nothing but smoke a wood with his breakfast and you were ruining that by putting your tiddies all in his face. “mama go somewhere wit allat before i spank you furreal.” his deep voice rumbled from his chest as he lightly pushed you off of him. this man clearly had an attitude, but you knew his stuck up ass wasn’t gon say nothing about it. “what’s wrong papa? why you so aggy?” you were trying to get him to communicate with you, but quickly changed your mind once he got to sucking his teeth, acting as if you were being a pest or something.
rolling your eyes, you started to say something smart, but we’re cut off by the sound of ony’s ringtone. connie’s contact came up and the way your man moved to grab the phone pissed you tf off. “yoo?……nah i’m just chillin at the crib rn…..of course gang we out.” your hands instantly gravitated towards your hips, weight being supported on one leg as you gave him a stank face. “you out where?”
once again, this sassy ass man sucked his teeth before replying. “finna go hoop wit the guys.” this had to be some type of sick joke. there’s no way this man, YOUR man, the one who literally had an attitude five minutes ago, was suddenly prepped up and ready to go run around with his little friends, but couldn’t even have a little fun with you.
“what about me? you don’t wanna stay wit me today daddy?” voice softening as you leaned down to ony’s face. you looked into his brown eyes as you waited for him to fold. he stared right back at you, licking his lips before his phone buzzed once again, ruining the moment as you seen his group chat start to blow his phone up with messages. “you can come wit me ma, but i wanna go hoop.”
what a fucking joke. you pushed yourself of off where your arms were rested before walking to your room, hips swaying with attitude. you wanted to go to target anyways so you decided you’d go to the park with him just this once to get what you wanted, but you had no intention of speaking to this man until he gave you the attention you deserved.
you sat on the park bench, watching ony get all sweaty and sexy playing with his friends. “cashhh bitch! y’all niggas suck i’m finna start putting money on this shit.” ony chuckled as he watched eren and reiner holding their hands on their knees, clearly out of breath from getting their ass whooped again.
“man fuck you. you and connie don’t even need to be on the same team cause y’all mothafuckas played in high school. if we was on that field you know damn well me and rei would be whooping that ass.” eren and reiner dapped each other up before each of them went to go get some water. ony approached you on the bench, shirt discarded somewhere near the courts, chest glistening with sweat as he practically snatched the water from in front of you and drank it.
“excuse me you fucking beast. at least ask.” you reached to snatch the water back, but he just held it higher so you couldn’t reach, giving you a warning glacé. “girl watch your mouth ‘fore i embarrass you in this park.” you rolled your eyes, plopping yourself back in your seat and pulling out your phone. “just go play wit ya little boyfriends ony.” you mumbled, texting on your phone as if you said nothing.
ony clearly didn’t hear you, walking back to go set up another game. “excuse me. this seat taken?” you turned around with attitude, still pissed at your stupid ass boyfriend. when you looked up at where the voice was coming from you were surprised to see a very handsome older man staring back at you. “nah you good. s’just me.” the man smiled at you, gladly taking a seat while digging in his back for his sneakers. “aww that’s a shame. why’s a pretty girl like you at the park all alone?”
you were going to correct him and let him know that you meant alone on the bench, not alone at the park, but your words were soon forgotten. “i’m zeke, eren’s brother. you a friend of his?” you nodded your head, voice stuck in your throat as zeke chuckled at your lack of reply. “you don’t talk much do ya? that’s fine. how about you give me your number and i’ll do all the talking.” as handsome as he was, you were a loyal woman and only wanted to be with one man.
you opened your mouth to politely shoot him down when you were interrupted. “nah she good.” ony’s lower stomach was was right behind your head as you and zeke looked up at him. face showing signs of irritation as he stood over you with his arms crossed on his chest. zeke held his hands up in defense as he practically rats you out. “i mean no harm, the pretty lady said she was here alone so i asked for her number. i had no idea.”
you looked up at your boyfriend, giving him a shy smile as you practically smelled the jealousy coming off of him. “uhh we’ll since that’s outta the way, you guys got room for one more?” zeke stood up, clearly uncomfortable with the tense energy being emitted from the both of you right now. “go ahead man, m’just leaving.” the blonde man gave him a small nod before leaving the two of you alone. “baby it’s not what is lo-”
“get in the car mama, we going home.”
the two of you didn’t even make is home, legs spread in the passenger seat as ony had one hand caressing the back of your neck while the other was buried deep in your panties. you’ve tried explaining the situation many times, and he seemed to understand what really happened, but he still fingered you with so much vigor that you couldn’t help but feel he was upset with you. “p-please papa i didn’t do anything wrongggg. it was just mis-miscommunication.”
his fingers dug into you deeper, nodding to you in understanding as he sucked hickies into your neck. “i know mama. i know. it’s just…just-” “jus’ what daddy? what i do?” a soft sigh left your lips at ony’s fingers left your hole, lifting to your clit before rubbing it slowly. “ion like seeing you talk to men ion know.” his fingers moved faster, making you shake under his arm as your release approached.
“i didn’t k-know. m’sorryyyy” your climax was at the tip of your tongue, but before long it was ripped away. ony leaned back in his seat before pulling his shorts and boxers below his hips. dick standing tall against his stomach as his hands moved towards your hips. “it’s okay princes. ima teach you, and make sure you never forget.”
though ony had a soft smile on his face, his grip on your hips was tight as he lifted you over the center console. your sundress was bunched up at your stomach so your boyfriend had easy access to your pretty pussy. he waisted no time ripping your panties in the middle and lining himself up with your tight entrance. “no screaming, no running, no crying, understand?”
before you could answer a scream erupted from your throat as ony slammed you down on his dick. “the fuck i just say mama?” large hands squeezing your ass tightly as he continued bouncing you up and down on his lap. lewd moans flew from your lips as you felt how delicious your walls felt against him. “i know it feel good, but i need you to stay quiet f’me okay? we still in public.” your eyes migrated toward the tinted windows, getting a good view of the still occupied park as well as you friends playing basketball.
“i’ll be quiet, promise.” your lips connected, dancing sloppily with each other before ony spoke into your mouth. “good girl.” his dick began kissing your cervix, palms taking up most of the space of your ass. “you mine right?” the two of you were eye to eye as he moved his hand to your neck, a silent command for you to bounce on your own as he continued thrusting from under you.
“y-yes daddy. only yours.” ony smiled at your response, rewarding you by angling his hips upward in the way that makes you want to melt into him. “this my pussy ain’t it?” he took your wrists, holding them behind your back as the two of you made love chest to chest. you moaned his name repeatedly like a prayer until you felt the urge to pee. “your heart, mind, and body. who’s is it?”
you felt your climax once again, this time stronger than before. pussy already leaking so much that it wet the seats under you as you continued fucking yourself onto ony’s dick. he knew you were close when you clenched tightly around him, clearly holding your release in so you can ask for permission. a wide smile crept into his face as he watched how obedient you were. “answer me and you can cum mama. who you belong to?”
“y-you daddyyy.” usually this answer would’ve satisfied him, but your boyfriend was in a different type of mood today. “nah princess say my name. my real name.” your pussy fluttered around him in delight, loving every second of this moment as you began kissing up his chest. ony shivered under you when you reached his neck, stopping right behind his ear. “i’m all y-yours. on-onyankoponnnn.”
your orgasm crashed down in waves, making you shake as your juices ran down his thighs. your boyfriend wasn’t far behind you, shooting his load deep inside you while holding your body on his. “that’s my good girl. never forget that either.”
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chaostroberry1 · 3 months
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Haii can you do a hcs of the Greek brothers (Zeus included but it's fine if you don't want to) to their S/O who is a mortal from the modern era?? I rllyy like your writing especially the Apollo's one ^^
Ofc! I'm sorry for the long wait 🙇‍♀️ I've been eating and rotting in my bed for a while. I dont really know about what you are requesting, there's only very little description. So I'll try my best ^^
RoR Greek bros with modern mortal s/o
Zues
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- Mf is old as hell, literally. He'd be asking you all sorts of crap and wonder about the technology you have. He already knows about it, but he does like to stare and wonder what you do all day in that little rectangular piece of technology.
- He also tries to find ways to make you immortal, cus duh, he really likes you. But I think he'd be interested in cute little farm games online when you show him the stuff that you can do on your phone.
- he asks you to buy him a gadget, which you do so. but man, he sucks ass at it. You find him trying to figure out how to use it. Holding it upside down, pressing on all sorts of buttons until you have to lend me some help.
- he's also fond of the slangs and way you talk. He often uses your words too. Like "Lmfao!" Or "LOL!!"
- he wants to learn more about modern society, and everything there is to learn about. Until he found out about google. Mf now keeps on asking the stupidest questions, and even calls his brother's on facetime, just to talk to them about the stupidest shit.
- he'd laugh so loud when it comes to you telling him jokes from your TikTok brainrots and all.
- you talk to him about all the newest things happening, and all. And drama. But I think he's more interested in learning new words.
Adamas
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- yes he does use the slangs too. I bet he'd randomly gangsta talk outta nowhere and make the most out of pocket statements.
- give him some love, he's just having fun especially after all the stuff he went through.
- I know damn well he makes yo mama jokes, no matter how old that stuff be. He's older than you bro, he's been alive for a very long time. So you better teach him more to mama jokes.
- your fashion sense was interesting, he wanna dress cool too. So he's gonna force you to show him clothes that he'd like to wear, and he'd pick the edgiest ones. 😭
- he often gets annoyed at how you're always on your phone and not paying attention to him, which makes him wonder what's so good about it.
- you gave him a gadget, which he now likes to watch anime in, or sports probably. Basically anything interesting.
Hades
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- he finds you very endearing, and loves you very much. He'd find a way to turn you immortal so that he can care for you forever.
- yes he installed wifi in his place so that you could stay happy, and do whatever the hell you do on your gadgets.
- Bet you bought a TV and watched anime there with him, or maybe TV series or shows. Could even be horror movies. He loves to cuddle up with you whenever you guys watch a horror movie, cus he knows that he'll be the one to protect you when you get scared or tired.
- when you gave him a gadget, he didn't know what to use it for, but you said that he could chat with other people no matter where they at. And even store photos of whatever he wanted.
- it truly amazed him how far humanity had evolved. Now he can just search up anything he had questions about, or facetime his brother's, or buy something for you.
- he likes to listen to songs he finds, and now he's never really bored like he used to be. Maybe gadgets weren't so bad. He knows how to limit himself, and that's why he tries to limit it fro you too. He doesn't want your eyes to hurt, and wants you to get rest.
- there's so many things he wants to learn from you. And how humans do their daily thing. It's amusing to watch.
Poseidon
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- Bro he really loves you a lot, he just doesn't show it. But it definitely caught his attention seeing the odd way you talked or acted.
- when you introduced him to a gadget, he just shook it off, not wanting to get into pathetic little things like that, but you insisted. So now there he was.
- he really thought that humans were babied. The fact that they all gotten so lazy over the centuries gave him the ick.
- but he did find some helpful words to use whenever it came to describing stuff. But that's till doesn't help with anything. Like y'all have google, you don't need to waste your time studying when you can just do a quick search and boom, all the answers are there.
- you guys had online shopping, you didn't need to use your legs to do some work when you could just order online. And so much more. Humanity was babied. Everyone was pathetic in his eyes.
- but, you were an exception. Cus he liked you lots.
- I believe that over time, he'd catch himself talking like you, like "it gives me the ick." 💀
- he's such a bitch, but it's ok. Cus it's Poseidon.
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sorcererofsolitude · 11 months
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Divina: I decorated my uniform tie! What do you think?
Wednesday, flatly: It looks like it got chewed on by a donkey.
Enid: Wednesday! We talked about this! Apologize and try again.
Wednesday, averting her gaze from Enid: I am sorry, Divina. That was out of line. What I meant to say is that it looks like it got chewed on by a beautiful unicorn.
Enid, facepalming: Ugh, I give up.
Divina, snickering: Thanks, Wednesday. That means a lot coming from you.
Later in the Yokovina dorm...
Divina: I think Wednesday is starting to warm up to us. She actually corrected her insult to a slightly-less-rude insult. Progress!
Yoko, icing the part of her leg that Wednesday kicked for making a salacious 'yo mama' joke: Speak for yourself.
AO3: SorcererOfSolitude
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miracleonice87 · 1 year
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new heights, new news, new baby
part of the kissing kelce universe
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a/n: I've come to the conclusion that I will never be organized enough to make this a well-planned, thought-out, sequential series, so I've decided I'm just gonna post things hella outta order and then reorganize them into a chronological masterlist. deal? deal. 🤝 enjoy more daddy-to-be trav and, introducing, supportive uncle jason. takes place the day travis leaves for chiefs training camp.
warnings: mention of pregnancy / babies, mention of anxiety / sadness / loneliness, plenty of crying both happy and sad teras, swearing, I think that's it
word count: ~4,400+
___
July 22, 2023
“Now, before we get into our training camp preview and talk about some expectations for the season, Travis, you had a little something you wanted to say to the good folks at home?” Jason prompted, teeing up his brother on this week’s New Heights episode – the last they’d record before they both left for their respective camps. 
Travis nodded, his blue eyes sparkling. “A little something, indeed, my brother,” he teased. “We have an announcement today, y’all! Alright nah!”
“Some new news, one might say!” Jason added, referencing the beloved segment of their podcast. 
“NEW NEWS!” Travis shouted excitedly. “Yo, can I get a drumroll please?”
Jason immediately started rolling his tongue, pretending like he had drumsticks in his hand. Travis continued, speaking over the sound. 
“This is like, the biggest announcement of my whole entire life. There were points where I never thought I’d be sharing news like this. It’s so crazy that I even get to do this right now. Gah dang. But, uh, anyway, I know we joke around here a lot, but this is a big one, folks, and I-”
Jason interrupted his brother’s emotional rambling, as well as his own sound effects. “Get to the point, please, my mouth is getting tired!” Jason picked his drumroll back up seamlessly as Travis giggled like a schoolboy. 
“Alright, y’all… here we go,” Travis said, rubbing his hands together mischievously. “Mrs. Kelce, would you please come over here, sweetness?” he requested, his voice syrupy smooth as he extended a hand, inviting you into the camera shot. 
Instead of crouching to put your face into frame as you normally would for your occasional brief pop-ins to the podcast, you stood next to Travis’s chair so that only your middle was showing, your stance perpendicular to the camera so the now-round profile of your belly was clearly visible. Jason gasped as if he hadn’t already known the news for months. You rested a hand on the top of your stomach, making it unmistakable what you and Travis were announcing, and he reached his own hand out to palm your bump, which at this point he could still easily do thanks to his impossibly big hands.
He held your free hand in his, beaming up at you, then looked back to the camera. 
“We’re havin’ a baby, y’all!” he shouted, before letting out a “wooooo-eee!”
On the other end of the Zoom, Jason was clapping and whooping excitedly, matching his brother’s energy. 
Travis then patted his lap, inviting you to sit down to, one, get you off your feet and, two, make it so your face was also visible in frame. 
“This is the moment we’ve been waiting for, folks!” you heard Jason boom theatrically as you put on the AirPods Max that Travis had set aside for you ahead of the recording. “Wyatt and Elliotte have been asking every day since they found out what a ‘cousin’ was when they were gonna get one, asking why Uncle Travvy and Auntie don’t have babies like me and mommy, telling them they can take Bennett home with them if they wanted…”
Travis cackled, throwing his head back. “That is a true statement,” he said as he held your hips firmly. 
“1000%, can confirm,” you added, wrapping your own hands around your husband’s. He squeezed your fingers a few times, and you threw him an adoring smile over your shoulder as his brother continued. 
“And we all know Mama Kelce has been hoping for this for years now. So this is obviously something the whole extended Kelce family has been anticipating for a long time, and it’s finally here, and we couldn’t be happier for you guys,” Jason said, tone more serious now. 
“Aww, thank you, my brother,” Travis said fondly, pressing a reverent kiss to your shoulder. 
“Yeah, thank you, Jase, so much. We’re so excited to finally give the girls a cousin!” you said. 
“Now, tell us how this happened,” Jason began. 
Travis cleared his throat. “Well, you see, Jason, when two people love each other very much-”
The older brother rolled his eyes and interrupted. 
“You know what I mean!” he insisted. “Just tell the people however much you wanna tell ‘em.” 
Travis looked to you as if silently asking for permission, and you simply gestured toward the camera. 
“Go ahead, Trav,” you said, a jesting tone to your voice. “I know it’s something you’re very proud of, so please share with the class.”
With that, Travis turned back toward the camera and waggled his eyebrows, getting as close to the mic as possible. 
“Well, folks… we made us a Super Bowl baby,” he said dramatically before letting out his signature cackle. You simply deadpanned to the camera, Jim Halpert-style, and shrugged.
Jason nodded emphatically. “You suuure did,” he said with a knowing laugh. “You knew I was having a kid right after the Super Bowl and you wanted to jump on the train.” 
You and Travis exchanged a devilish glance.
“Yeah, something like that,” you joked, knowing that jumping on Jason and Kylie’s train by conceiving a baby mere days before she gave birth to their third was certainly not your original plan. “I mean, what better Super Bowl souvenir could you ask for than a baby?!” you said wryly, causing Travis to look into the camera haughtily. 
“A Lombardi, a ring, and a kid,” he said, counting off on his fingers. “Alright nah,” he repeated, far too pleased with himself. 
“That’s awesome,” Jason said, still smiling. “Now, how are you feeling? I know it was a tough road there at first.” 
You nodded, and you felt Travis’s hold on your waist tighten protectively, maybe even subconsciously. “Yeah, I was pretty sick there for a few months, couldn’t get ‘out of the house’ a whole lot, much to this podcast’s dismay, but thankfully, that mostly passed when my first trimester ended,” you explained. “We don’t wanna necessarily share our exact due date, but I’ll say I’m well into my second trimester now and I’m feeling good. I’ve gotten to enjoy not only just the relief of feeling better but also the excitement of sharing this with friends and family – obviously, Mama and Papa Kelce, you and Kylie, all my family, and we just started telling the team, too, which has been really fun.” 
“Aww, that’s the best,” Jason remarked. “What was Big Red’s reaction?”
Travis piped up at the mention of his head coach. “Uh, to no one’s surprise, he looked me dead in the eye with the most serious fucking look on his face and said, ‘surprised it took ya this long, son,’” he revealed in his best Andy Reid voice, making you shake your head in amusement. 
“Yep, nope, does not surprise me one bit,” Jason said, giggling. “And what about your boy Mahomes?”
“Aw, man, Pat was so pumped up, and Brittany, too,” Travis replied. “Pat just started runnin’ laps around his kitchen yellin’ ‘let’s go! let’s fucking go!’ He ‘bout knocked me over!” 
“Yeah, those two have tagged us with babysitting duty on the regular for a couple years now, ever since Sterling was born, hoping that we would catch that baby fever and give her a playmate,” you added, laughing as you looked down at Travis. “I can’t say that’s necessarily what happened, but, um, either way, Sterling and Bronze will have another little team buddy to play with here soon which will be so fun to see. Brittany and Patrick have both been so great for both of us, just letting us know kind of what to expect, things that you might not learn in all the books or from your parents who did this a few decades ago. Especially with us all being on the same team, even just getting the lowdown on the logistical stuff, those two are just the best. They’re super excited for us which is just a really great feeling.” 
“No doubt – I’ve got a feeling this will bring you guys even closer,” Jason mused.
“Absolutely – already has,” Travis said. “So, yeah! That’s the big ‘New News’ for today, everybody. We’ve been keeping this on the DL for quite some time, and we just wanted to be able to share this ourselves in the way we choose, because obviously with camp starting tomorrow and the season just right around the corner, cameras might catch some footage of Mrs. Kelce visiting camp, in the stands, whatever, and we didn’t want people to be weird, so… y’all heard it here first!”
“Damn straight,” Jason asserted. “And just one more thing… I wanted to say, before our mom-to-be hops off here. I, uh… aw, fuck, I swore to Kylie I wasn’t gonna cry,” he said, sniffling as he fixed his eyes toward the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. 
“Aww, Jase!” you murmured as you watched him tear up. 
“I’m good, I’m good,” he assured, still sniffling as he continued. In the corner of the screen, you could see your husband beginning to well up, too, and you caressed his thigh soothingly as he sat in poignant silence. “I just wanted to say that when Travis told us the news, that was truly the happiest I have ever seen my brother – and this dude has been drafted to the NFL, he’s been a Pro Bowler, All-Pro, broken so many records, won two Super Bowls. But by far, the happiest and most excited I’ve ever seen this guy is telling us that you’re having a baby. And as his big brother, that just makes me so fuckin’ proud.” 
You and Travis were both pawing at fallen tears by now, and Travis could only manage a quiet “thank you.” You patted his knee and, after a deep breath, shared your own thoughts. 
“Thank you, Jase, and while we’re making each other cry–” both brothers chuckled at that, “–I’ll say that I know Travis is going to be the best dad, not only because of the incredible man and husband that already he is, and the way you both were raised by your own amazing parents, but also because of the example you have set for him, Jason, by being such an awesome dad to your three girls.” You paused and took a deep, shuddering breath, and Travis rubbed your back to calm you. Jason was nodding, tears streaking his face. “So thank you for that, and for all your love and support through everything, and Kylie’s, too. You guys are gonna be the greatest aunt and uncle this kid could ever ask for, and Travis and I can’t wait to watch that.” 
Travis let out a whistle, cheeks, nose, and eyes pink from crying. “Uh, I will never make it through this episode if I add anything more to that, so I will just say, here here, baby girl,” he offered with a laugh. “We love you, brother.” 
“I love you guys, too,” Jason said as he finally regained his composure. “Whew! Yeah, how the fuck are we supposed to keep recording after all that?! Can we just be done? I am emotionally exhausted. I need a nap.” 
As Travis giggled boyishly, you agreed, “I do, too, so I’m gonna leave you guys to it. Thanks for having me, guys; thanks for giving me a baby, Trav; and good luck at camp, Jase. We’ll talk soon.” 
Travis tapped the outside of your thigh pointedly, his frequent way of silently requesting a kiss. You grasped his chin to peck his lips as Jason thanked you and said a final goodbye. 
“Have a good nap, mama,” Travis cooed as you took off your headphones and returned them to their original spot. “Daddy’ll be up as soon as we’re done,” he added playfully.
You laughed and rolled your eyes, shoving his shoulder as you stood up and exited the frame. 
“Oh, Jesus, he’s already calling himself ‘Daddy,’” Jason complained with a weary sigh.
___
Normally, after wrapping an episode, Travis would bound up the stairs and infuse your home with all the leftover energy he had built up during the podcast recording with his brother. One of your favorite things about him co-hosting the podcast, in addition to loving the scheduled opportunity it created for him to connect with his brother, was how buoyant of a mood he was always in after a recording.
But today, the feeling that settled over your household when he wrapped the episode about an hour after your surprise guest appearance was much less chipper.
Today, Travis trudged upstairs to do the one thing he’d been dreading all summer – say his goodbyes to you before leaving for training camp. Though camp at Missouri Western State University was only about an hour from your home in the outskirts of Kansas City, he wouldn’t be home again for five days; instead, he’d be staying on campus with the team and bunking in a dorm. Normally, departing for camp and knowing he’d be spending days on end with his teammates focusing on making themselves better football players excited him, save for a hint of sadness about being away from you, but this particular camp, having to leave his five months pregnant wife at home, he was not looking forward to by any stretch of the imagination. 
When Travis pushed open the basement door, he found you lounging on the couch with your back to him, legs outstretched on the plush cushions as you cradled your bump, some version of the Housewives franchise playing on the TV in front of you. You tipped your head back onto the arm of the couch in order to see him and asked, “how’d it go?” 
He took advantage of your position to rest his thumbs on your cheekbones and give you an upside-down “Spider-Man kiss.” 
“Went great,” he answered curtly, a vastly different response than the pumped-up recap you normally received. “That was the easy part of today,” he added, gazing down at you with his brow furrowed. Even upside-down, he was struck by your captivating beauty, which only tightened the lump already forming in his throat. 
Did he really have to fucking do this?
You groaned, drowning in your own feelings of dread, and sat up, signaling the dogs at your feet to follow your lead. You reached out your hands in order to allow Travis to help you up from the couch and gave him your bravest face as he did so. 
“I’ll walk you out,” you said, feigning confidence. But the crack in your voice when you added “can’t have you showing up late” revealed the crack in your armor, and you watched Travis’s chin drop to his chest, his eyes fixed on his shoes as he forced himself to take one… step… at a time closer to the front door. 
One foot in front of the other, Travis.
You led the way, fluttering your eyelashes repeatedly in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. The dogs circled your feet as you attempted to walk out the front door, and Travis, fearing a fall, whistled and called them back into the house, patting both their heads as he passed.
When the two of you reached Travis’s Range Rover, already packed with all he needed for camp – duffels full of clothes and shoes, an array of video game consoles, deck of cards and set of pong balls for the inevitable team drinking games, and all his favorite snacks, along with a secret handwritten note you’d tucked into his toiletry kit in order to surprise him upon his unpacking – you stood a couple of feet apart, quiet, your husband shuffling his feet beneath him as you shifted your weight uncomfortably from side to side. You gazed up at him helplessly, a rigid, lips-only smile fixed on your face, and he took this moment for yet another reveal, sifting through his shorts pockets to find what he’d grabbed on the way out the door.
“I know this sucks, sweetness, but… I do have a surprise for you…” He dangled a set of keys in front of you which you noticed were not his. 
“New car?” you teased halfheartedly, recognizing the worn key fob to your Porsche after a moment. 
“Mm, not quite, we got a baby on the way, ya know? Gotta save that coin,” Travis teased right back. “I think it’s better than a new car.” 
You raised your eyebrows, staring at him expectantly. He let it marinate in your brain for a few more moments, finally breaking when you threw your arms around his waist, pressing your baby bump to his torso, and whined his name. He beamed. 
“Alright, alright, you know that’s gonna work every time now,” he admitted, giggling. He caressed your jaw with his knuckles and you noticed the glimmer in his eyes. “Listen, I know you’re sad because I’m leavin’, but you gotta get on the road, too… because you gotta go pick up your mama from the airport.” 
You gasped, covering your mouth with both hands. 
“Really?” you whispered after a stunned pause. 
“Really,” he confirmed, nodding. 
You’d only seen your mom once since finding out you were having a baby, and Travis had noticed that your pregnancy had you feeling more homesick than usual. Especially with so many of the Chiefs better halves, who would best understand this phase of your life, having scattered for the offseason, and with Travis’s own mom and sister-in-law living halfway across the country, he felt awful that you didn’t have your mom nearby during this exciting, but unsettling, time. Knowing, too, that you always struggled being apart from him in those first few days of training camp, he had preemptively arranged for his mother-in-law to arrive in Kansas City just as he departed for St. Joseph, hoping that that would alleviate at least some of your loneliness at this delicate time when you were already feeling unusually vulnerable. 
Travis melted when you threw your arms around him again, this time desperately, not jokingly. He rubbed your back, beaming when he heard you whimper, “thank you.”
“Of course, sweetness,” he replied warmly, burying a kiss in your hair. “Anything to keep baby mama happy.”
You giggled, resting your chin on his sternum and tipping your head up to look at him. 
“Yeah, you’re pretty good at that,” you praised, fondness thick in your tone as you rested a hand against his neck. “When does she land?” 
Travis glanced at his watch. “Just over an hour,” he informed you. “So don’t rush. You got plenty of time.” A proud smile slowly stretched across his face as he added, “I got a lot of fun stuff planned for y’all this week.”
Your eyebrows lifted, your excitement building by the minute, and Travis watched your face light up with each word as he continued. 
“You guys are gonna do a spa day tomorrow, got you a suite at the Royals game the next night, then you’re gonna come see me at camp, obviously, because I wanna see Mama, too. And then you’re gonna go run around and do your registry for your baby shower, because she knows all the stuff we’re gonna need, and weeee… do not,” he admitted, laughing. 
The corners of your mouth pulled down as your face contorted, eyes welling with tears, and Travis could see that you were overwhelmed with emotion, humming a laugh as he guided the side of your head to rest against his chest. 
“And that’s why I waited to tell you – because I knew you’d cry every other hour ‘til she got here,” he told you, only half joking, as he hugged you tight.
A giggle bubbled forth from your lips. “You were right, like always,” you said, voice tight, so appreciative of how well this man knew and cared for you. “You’re so thoughtful, Trav, thank you so much.” 
“I mean it when I say literally an-y-thing for you,” he repeated, emphasizing each syllable. “I love you so much,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. And after a deep sigh, he regretfully mumbled, “And now I gotta go.” 
You pushed away from him slowly, your left hand lingering on his broad chest as he looked down at you with what had to be the saddest expression you’d ever seen him wear. He gathered your hand in his and pressed a lengthy kiss to your wedding rings, then the skin around them. 
“Go be great,” you whispered, smoothing your other hand over his stubbly cheek.
Travis’s eyes closed and he drew a deep breath, committing the feeling of your touch to his memory. With a final squeeze of your fingers, he forced himself to back away and open his driver’s side door. 
As he climbed into the seat, he pointed at you and said firmly, “You and that baby stay safe while I’m gone, alright?” 
You nodded weakly, trailing a hand from the top of your bump to the underside. “We’ll do our best, Daddy,” you promised as he shut his door, the window rolled down. 
At that, Travis’s eyes filled with tears – he had known it was only a matter of time until it would hit him, leaving you for the first time for more than a day since you’d found out you were expecting. And seeing you, hand on your belly, standing in the driveway alone as he started his car and prepared to pull away for the better part of a week… yeah, that did it. 
He blew out a controlled breath through pursed lips, putting every ounce of his will into putting the car in drive and coasting toward the front gate to leave. 
He could see your lower lip quivering even from afar, and it sent a zing of anxiety through his entire being — though he’d never enjoyed saying goodbye, he’d never once felt anxious leaving you for camp. Until today.
“I love you, Mama,” he called out the window, inching slowly toward the gate. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
You nodded. “Okay,” came out in a croak. “I love you, too.” 
“Be good,” he forced out. 
You nodded again, but didn’t trust your voice to allow you to respond with words. You simply waved one last goodbye as he did the same, forcing a signature Travis Kelce smile and wink while simultaneously trying to keep his shit together in front of you.
But as he passed through the gate and down the drive, watching you shrink into the rearview mirror and finally disappear as he turned toward the freeway, his breath caught in his throat and he broke down, tears blurring his vision as he pressed ahead down the familiar route. For a minute or two, he simply let the sobs wrack his body as he swiped at the ever-flowing tears with the back of his hand, letting out the occasional frustrated growl, usually saved for a missed ball in the end zone. As he attempted to calm himself down, he glanced at the recent calls list on his car’s hands-free device.
And, moments later, in suburban Philadelphia… 
Jason hadn’t been off Zoom for more than twenty minutes when his phone rang with a call from his kid brother. Smirking knowingly at the screen, he situated five-month-old baby Bennett in her bouncy seat and tapped the green button.
“Figured I might be hearing from ya,” Jason answered the call.
Sniffling and confused, Travis blinked a few times. 
“You did?”
Jason let out a chuckle. “Yeah, you just said goodbye to her and now you’re, what, three miles down the road to camp?” 
Travis was quiet and rubbed a heavy hand over his face. 
“Five, but… yeah,” Travis mumbled.
Jason hummed as if impressed, gazing at his oldest two daughters who he swore just yesterday could barely hold their own heads up and were now talking animatedly amongst themselves as they dressed and posed Barbie dolls in their prized pink Dreamhouse. “Well, then, you made it two miles further than I did before I called Mom my first training camp when Kylie was pregnant with Wy, so, props.”
“Really?” Travis inquired.
“Hell yeah, dude. It’s the worst fuckin’ feeling,” Jason responded, the sensation still visceral. “Leaving your wife and unborn baby to go live in a dorm with a bunch of sweaty dudes… it goes against every instinct in your body.” 
“Yeah, for real… And I used to love camp, too,” Travis sighed. “I just feel so guilty, man.” 
“I know. But you’re doing it to provide a sick ass life for her and that baby — you’re making sure they’re set for life,” Jason reminded him. “You just gotta focus on that as best you can.” 
The smallest of smiles pulled at Travis’s lips. “That what Mom said to you?”
“Of course — you think I came up with that on my own?” 
Travis giggled at that — the way only a big brother could make you do, even in the midst of misery. 
“It’s gonna be okay, Trav. I promise you,” Jason told him firmly. “You did the right thing flying her mom in; she knows who to call in the off-chance something does go wrong; and… uh… and she knows she’s got our support because she’s calling Kylie right now,” Jason finished, handing his wife’s phone to her as she approached the coffee table where she’d heard it ringing. 
“Is she really?” Travis asked, both relieved and more upset knowing that you, too, were seeking comfort from his brother’s experience with Kylie. 
Jason and Kylie shared a sympathetic glance before she answered your call, and as he walked down the hall out of her earshot to allow you both privacy, Jason replied, “Sure is. And as you know, she couldn’t have picked a more perfect person to lean on right now. This isn’t easy by any means, but we’re here for you guys. So are Mom and Dad, Brittany and Pat, so many others. Remember, this is day one — it does get easier from here.”
Travis trilled his lips as he exhaled, his body already relaxing thanks to his brother’s encouraging words. 
“As much as I hate to admit it, that’s a great point,” Travis conceded. “Thank you, bro. I appreciate you more than you know.”
“Anytime, Trav. Always in your corner. Love you, brother. I’ll check in when I’m back at camp too.”
“I’ll hold you to it. Love you, Jase. Bye.”
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cowgirlcherrie · 1 year
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CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST .ᐟ chapter three: LEMONHEAD ゚+..。*゚+skater! ellie x fem! reader
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a/n: hello my loves new chapter of CMIYGL which is one of my favorite chapters, is one setting focused and just good vibes that slightly become sour at the end. But sit back (it's a lengthy one) so enjoy babis
warnings/content: MDNI Partying, alcohol, drunkness, bruises (just skating injuries), kissing, smoking, lots of swearing, sexual jokes, petnames (babe, mama, etc), arguing, throwing drinks on people,
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✧˖°.⤹masterlist. prev. next chapter
“Yo! Get the fuck off the front lawn!”
Ellie shouted at the group of stragglers surrounding the front yard of her shared house. It was typical for this to happen at the E.J.D residence. The trio couldn’t afford to get slammed with another fine knowing well enough that the last one was certainly not paid and their rather annoying neighbors would be vast to dial 9-11 like their lives depended on it. 
Now, this was not Project X.
but it was damn near close. The whiskey tasted better when it was sour. Tequila is better with lime. A beer? Just never mind leave it in the fridge. Jesse wouldn’t say he was a party animal, and neither would Ellie or Dina. Jesse was purely just a former child actor reject that grew to drown himself in partying and near-death experiences. Using his deep-webbed emotions to compensate for the fact that he never got to have a childhood of his own. Until the liquor ran dry and nothing suddenly mattered. He could crack his skateboard on his skull now and parties were an escape. 
There were no parties like a E.J.D party. 
The bass of the music was so loud, it could be heard through the cracks of the window and wood, seeping out the loosened edges – bouncing against the concrete. Ellie thought Jesse’s interpretation of a party to be very different from her own. She wanted a few friends meanwhile he invited half of LA and that half certainly brought a plus one; so really it was a majority.
You coincidentally, got separated from Cat, naturally inviting her on a whim for comfort. Her hand had gotten too loose giving some drunk girl the perfect opportunity to swipe her body in between the two of you, losing her face and her touch in the crowd. Your leather jacket was vacant from your shoulders, gracefully taken by Dina who briefly managed to whisk you off into the kitchen. You learned the rather strikingly beautiful girl to be one of the owners of the house. Flashing you a sweet smile and an arm squeeze. But like a puff of air, she vanished and was nothing but a memory. 
Now you were stuck in the kitchen. Bodies squeezing you in like a cage, loose alcohol tempting you and tormenting you for just…one..sip. To feel the carcass of the un-chilled liquid down your throat as it swirled and tingled at your chest. Burning heart aflame and the devil on your shoulder wrapped your hand around the red cup pouring vodka to the brim. 
You were on the hunt to find Ellie, likewise, the dark-haired roommate of your own.
Cat, on the other hand, took advantage of her solo moment. It was a great opportunity for her to briefly make conversation with Ellie and disappear into the neon lights like it never happened. Of course, this business pertained to you – no other reason for her to have a chat and more so one to keep it brief. She wants Ellie to do whatever it takes to make sure you weren’t a sobbing mess by the end of the night. Especially considering how deep Ellie would get into alcohol on a night like this. It was better she gave the warning now before she got devious.
Her stiletto-shaped nails, dug into Jesse’s shoulder as the man rocked his body slightly to the beat of the music. Vibrant Solo cup in his hand spilling onto the slippery wood,  Any stranger would have thought the conversation was serious between the two. Perhaps flirting, estranged lovers who had a history in the making. Cat played her game well.
“Oh! Jesse, It’s so good to see you! The party is phenomenal, how’s your mom?” Cat’s voice ran sweet like a tasty red velvet cupcake with too much additive sugar frosting. She was boasting to him. Flashing her perfectly braces-made pearly whites, pushing her boobs closely together in the black lacy corset top she was wearing — she could get the world.
“Awh– shit, Cat Pham. . . at my party? Girllll I haven’t seen your ass since senior year, braces are off too” Jesse slurred his words, similar to a town drunk at a liquor store. Hand reaching out to Cat’s lips to which she smacked them away hiking a smack to the side of his head.  His eyes were droopily low, almost like a sad puppy –  and he was smiling; Lost out of his mind. 
He was correct, after senior year happened, Ellie and Cat broke up – lovers departed and the friend group spread across California like they were fleeing the country. Cat knew he was the perfect one to ask.
“Mommy is great! You know she asked about you…she wanted more of your mom’s special recipes” Jesse smiled, if he was being honest he couldn’t feel his face but aside from the scrambled soup that was his brain he could tell he reached his high. Words piling out of his mouth almost like throw-up. 
“That’s great, Jesse. Where’s Ellie I need to speak to her?” Cat was quick to shut the boy up, leaning her body closer to his shoulder. Jesse backed away cheeks flushed. 
“Uhhhh” Jesse laughed “I think she’s outside I don’t really know” Jesse slurred again, pulling the cup up to his lips with a goofy smile on his face. Slurping the liquor like it was juice.
Clearly drunk Jesse didn’t know the answer. Making Cat sigh and roll her head with a soft POP of the air socket between her neck bones. 
“So did Rico’s Zumiez get any new hires?” Cat instead was bypassing the chit chat going straight for the kill. Attacking fill-in questions head first. 
“Uhhhh yeah like 3 I think. . . butttt Rico is sick Cat (burps) excuse me, his lungs are all fucked up from smoking, doctors keep having to pump his lungs free of liquid. We are closing soon, relocating somewhere else” 
Cat’s heart dropped at this information. That shop was dear to local skaters, even herself. Rico helped Cat start her business. The Italian man helping her build a tattoo portfolio is so great —  it would be hard for the businesses to say no. Rightfully so she got hired as an apprentice at Sooleyinks on Main Street. But she couldn’t do it all without him.
“I’m sorry . . .”
The climate was getting somber,
“No…No, Imma miss him for real, the new hires have been a pain in my ass won’t miss ‘em tho” Cat’s ears picked up at Jesse saying new hires. Watching as he eyed his drink, snatching it to ask another question. No minuscule distractions – she wanted to get head-on.
“Any of ‘em girls?” Cat whispered, almost holding the cup as leverage over the boy.
“Yeahhhhh. . . like one, why– trouble in paradise?” Jesse laughed pushing his hand’s palm flat against the wall. 
“No-god no everything is fine,” Cat reassures, swishing Jesse’s cup in her hand “Is she gay?”
“Pft, Alana? Helllll~ noo that girl is as straight as a fuckin’ pencil – at least so I think” Jesse paused quirking an eyebrow at Cat who only nodded her head with her lips slightly parted. 
“Let’s quit the chit-chat, I know Ellie likes y/n who is my roommate…” Cat blurted out making Jesse’s eyes widen his eyes:  pretend-shock – confusion filled his face. Responses delayed 
“SHE’S YOUR ROOMMATE?” The black-haired boy shouted, pretending to sound shocked, almost as if he didn’t know this knowledge prior “Oh~ . . . she’s your roommate~” he corrected bringing a hand up to his mouth. 
“You knew that didn’t you?” Cat pushed tilting her head at the boy in front of her.
“Definitely no—” Cat pinched Jesse in the stomach
“Ow!” 
“Okay! Yes I knew, I mean check her comments you were like the top comment on her 3 recent that’s why I liked them”
Cat cursed under her breath. Crossing her fingers and hoping that magically you didn’t see the comments on her pictures from high school that Ellie had left. She’d make sure to archive them when she had stable service. 
“Does she kn. . .” Jesse abruptly stopped speaking mid-sentence seeing the way that Cat was shaking her head in disappointment. Jesse quickly understood, even though he was drunk his brain tinted with nothing but incoherent la la la’s he was able to muster up the understanding that Ellie was cowardly hiding her way from even letting the words slip between her lips. 
“That’s why I am looking for Ellie” Cat confessed, waving her hands in the air as she spoke, slaming her matte cherry coated lips at Jesse who seemed rather distracted. His eyes focused past Cat’s head.
“Why…are you doing that?” Cat winced, turning around to follow his field of vision.
“Oh shit!” Jesse mumbled 
“Oh yeah…shit” Cat responded meekly, picking up the solo cup to her lips downing the rest of Jesse’s liquid. 
“This is bad”
The two were staring at you in the kitchen who had been touched by the graceful spirit of your crush who was nagging at your heartstrings. Pulling each muscle making it tense and release. Thumping matches the pace of the music — slightly louder. The auburn beauty gave a rather silly drunk smile at you as her arms hooked around your body like a mother cradling her newborn. You could smell her cologne, a clean scent barely almost there, musky with the faint smell of trees and a strong eucalyptus. Lips casting wet-sloppy drunk kisses to the side of your head as you leaned into her touch. 
“Pretty girl! You made it!” Ellie shouted in your ear giving another kiss emphasizing the mwah sound as her lips touched your head. Maybe it was the liquor in her system making her act the way she was, but she was certain, sober she would not be able to even glance at you.
Confidently, at-least.
“What…you thought I was gonna be a no-show!” You laughed, bringing the cup in your hands up to your glossed lips, lip liner shining astonishingly under the forever-changing LED’s. Ellie shook her head, watching as your lipstick stained the white lining of the cup, licking her lips in thirst. Sudden dryness filled her tongue — liquids disappearing as she wanted nothing more than a taste. She was thirsty — really, really, thirsty. 
“Whatcha drinkin’ ?” Ellie pushed, her eyes slowly staring into yours, her lips running against her bottom lip repeatedly. You could see her pupils dilated. Black circle getting wider…and wider against her green. Ellie gently brought her hand up to your cup, fingers wrapped around your own as she pulled it away from your lips. 
“Vodka, a splash of cranberry juice before some bitch snatched the bottle” You joked, sticking a tongue out: pretending to be annoyed at your luck and circumstances. 
“May I?”
Ellie pointed at your cup, her ringed fingers brushing against your bare ones, as she softly ran her thumb over your fingers. 
“Mhm,” you mumbled shaking your head ‘yes’ making Ellie push the cup away from its positioning at your lips. Twirling the cup around until it was on the side of your lipstick stain. Her lips rested in your lip imprint as she brought the liquid to her pouty-full lips wincing at the bitterness and pain after a single taste.
“This was nasty…yeah no we are getting you something better”
Ellie delicately intertwined her left hand with your own. Locking it with a tight squeeze of your left hand as well and pulling you behind her to walk. Her grip was different from Cat’s, it expressed protection and urgency. You knew she wasn’t going to let you go or let a drunk body come between you. Ellie reeled you into her back, using her free hand to reach behind her and caress the fabric of your skirt and pull you closer until your chest was at her back. 
She helped to slow your heart down. The faces of the dancing strangers faded away as all you could focus was on her. How she looked under the current purple and blue transitioning LED’s. Loose strands of hair flopped into her face. A fitted hat was on her head, vintage flat-brimmed, and turned to face the back of her head so the brim was away from her face; similar to the frat boy style. Her outfit was loose, baggy like you expected it. The 90s-fitted low-rise jeans paired with a GOLF WANG graphic t-shirt. 
You thought it was bold of her to wear white at a party where people suddenly had butter flingers, liquids quick to spill to the floor and even cling to fabric, alcohol staining as it settled. But shocking enough there was not a single stain on her shirt. It was clean — slightly wrinkled you could tell she didn’t iron but perfect enough. 
Eventually, your walking came to a standstill. In front of the alcohol table as Ellie gave a tap at your waist before letting both of her hands leave your being. Her hands spiraled around the scarlet solo cup. 
“You trust me?” Ellie quickly asked. Quirking an eyebrow as her eyes sparked. Almost diamond pure as her fingers were hovering over a big Casamigos Blanco tequila bottle. Her rings fiddling against the glass of the exposed bottle waiting for a response from you.
“Depends…” you shoot back, tilting your head as your eyes glanced over the Casa bottle. Knowing well the alcohol was considerable for the strangest of strange blackouts and would have one questioning how they even made It home come sunrise.
High risk, potentially blacking out; high reward, a good fucking time.
“You tryna get me drunk?”
“I think you are confusing drunk with loose. Miss Svedka drinker. You’ll be fine. I don’t think I pour that heavy…personally” Ellie shrugged, flipping the cap off the bottle almost like a mixologist. Pour a good amount of tequila into your cup “More fruity or more sour?” 
“Fruity…what kind of question is that?” You jabbed playfully, letting out a soft laugh escape your chest — natural and free as Ellie did the same.
“You didn’t drink beer, right? liquor before beer you’re in the clear. . .” Ellie ran the saying through to you waiting for you to finish the saying. Her mouth agape waiting for the words to pool out of your lips. Cementing her feet on the hardwood floors. She planned on going off to grab her personal favorite fruit juice from the fridge. Her delicacy to you. 
“Beer before liquor never been sicker!” You complete the phrase — Ellie nodding her head watching as you pretended to take your cup and imitate throwing up into it. “I don’t drink beer”
“Good, don’t” Ellie laughed, “I’m gonna be right back hold this for a sec” Ellie pushed the red cup into your hands. Not even giving you a full minute for you to register what she had said. 
You weren’t sure why Ellie personally treating you with a drink of your own brought chattering butterflies into your stomach. She was providing such care and rather you drink something better than something cheap off the table. Ellie never failed to be gentle with you — it was even more so now that there was alcohol involved in your exchange. It felt more intimate, more personal like a ball of energy building up between the two of you yearning for something to happen.
You couldn’t linger in your own thoughts for a second as Ellie returned with an Ocean Spray branded Cran-Mango juice. Ellie took the juice pouring another half of the cup with the juice. Briefly took the cup to her lips tasting where the Casamigos and Cran-Mango blended, the substance pooling in her mouth sending a gentle yet bitter taste against the buds of her tongue. Ellie took the initiative to pour more. Taking yet again another sip to taste test it.
“Okay…better” Ellie nodded wiping the dripping liquid from her lips with the tip of her ringed finger. “Here let me know”
Ellie handed the cup back to you, swinging the fruit juice in her hand in nervousness watching as you brought the drink up to your lips. The fruit carving the liquor far, not only blending nicely but you barely tasted it, and that was your kind of drink.
“Mhm,” you groaned out in satisfaction as Ellie’s lips curled into a smile. 
“Mmm, what. . .?” Ellie pestered, smiling at you sheepishly. Almost cockily with much pride.
“This is good”
“WOO told you, babe!” Ellie laughed, almost jumping in excitement. All your head could think about was her calling you babe. The way the words rang off her tongue, silky like satin blankets almost as if it was natural. Your cheeks warmed up from not only the chilled liquid in your cup but the feelings that were stirring in your stomach. 
“Let’s join the party now shall we, I hope you can dance” Ellie playfully nudged your shoulder as her body suavely swiveled around you taking hold of your hand, almost as if the two were made for each other. Her elbows were visible from her short-sleeve; bruised up, hues of purple and blue decorating her body like a roughened kiss.
“Bold of you to assume I can’t” you shot back, shouting over the music as Ellie head you to the basement where the main party was at. No Idea by Don Toliver blasting through the large speakers as the crowd bounced to the bass of the music, Ellie even finding herself rocking her body to the music as she dragged you to an open gap in the crowd. The two of your bodies against each other as she grabbed at your waist.
Occasionally taking a sip of the contents from your cup — not even bothering to get her own. The two of you enter a stage of blissfully drunk. A sip and the tug of your waist, slight pressure applied through her fingertips as the peak of the song arose. Ellie dragged her dreamy haze away from you as she heard her name being shouted repeatedly.
ELLIE! ELLIE! 
Her vision redirected to a group of skaters she skated frequently. 2 guys, drowning in their clothes, backpacks on their backs, and decks in their hands. Sneakers beat up as if they were ran over many many times. The guys waved the girl over pointing at a skateboard with the I.C logo on the back of the board. Your eyes, were almost like a worried deer looking up at Ellie whose body was frozen. Looking past you instead of at you. 
“I don’t think I ever told you, congratulations” You whisper, low enough for her to hear your voice as she leaned down for your lips to almost meet her ear. 
“Thank you” Ellie laughed, amidst her buzz giving a small kiss on your cheek. Her own was beet red, seeping through her freckles from the heat and the alcohol she was inhaling by the minute. Times like this Ellie was grateful for the lights being low to where no one could truly see how badly she was blushing under your touch. “Look I have to talk to some friends. . . if you want to come you can, but like -no pressure-like I get it if you don’t want to I’—”
“Ellie” you interrupted her
“What”
“You’re rambling” you blurt out making Ellie scrunch up her nose in frustration. 
“Sorry”
“N-no no, it’s okay…it’s kinda cute actually” you confess dropping your head slightly, feeling waves of embarrassment washing over you. Not being able to contain the emotions you were feeling. 
“So you’ll come?” Ellie held her arm out giving a flesh display of her tattoo in all its glory, the ink fresh and completed. You gladly took her arm into your own, flicking your hand up to gesture to her to lead the way and she did. Almost like a knight in shining armor, she guided you to the corner. Away from all of the people, the outskirts of the main crown that was less busy.
Daping up the skaters with a hug as they cracked their own jokes pretending to wack Ellie with the board. You took it these were her friends. That wasn’t of course Dina whom you learned with time, or her other roommate that apparently was Jesse. Their gaze shifted to you almost startled; gleaming with interest and attraction, but their smile was inviting. The men had buzzcut designs dyed into them. One with flames the other with completely red with a black spider in the center on the back, glimmering under the lights. 
“— Ellie you’re rude as fuck, whose this?” One of them suggested pointing at you as you clung to her arm. Ellie’s arm tensing at the mention of yourself “Uh—this is. . .”
“Y/n! Hi, nice to meet you all” Maybe it was the liquid talking, you suddenly had the courage to get everything off of your chest. Bubbly personality peaking right through. Your hand, naturally covered in bangles and small rings out for them to take. The smile on your glossed lips was charming, giving an invitation for anyone to be sweet to you. A Cotton candy smile. 
“Oh she formal” one of them whispered
“Keep her”
“I’m Oliver but you can call me OB, to your left is P.J and we hug over here mama” One of the guys opened his arms out gesturing for you to bring it in for a hug to which Ellie was quick to swipe her hand in front of you to halt you from walking.
“Yeah, she’s not hugging you” Ellie spoke up, pushing you into her side with her hands. 
Oliver put his hands down, rolling his eyes at Ellie’s sudden rough attitude. “So you skate or… what’s your deal?” P.J. this time spoke up taking a sip from his near-empty tallboy of twisted tea.
“Uhh…” you paused nervously laughing. “I’m from New York, just moved here for college. Learning how to skate thanks to Miss Hollywood over here” You joked tugging Ellie backward at her cap. 
“Ohh we got an east coast baddie in the house~” Oliver taunted making P.J give him a side eye.
“Dude you’re annoying —“
“No you—”
“Bitch I will—”
“Are you twins?” You question bluntly. The two stopped their bickering to look at you.
“What gave it away the hair? No, we just shaved our hair and got matching moles on our asses” Oliver said with a serious tone, his voice vacant from any emotion. Their eyes stared deep into your soul as he watched the way your smile faded.
“Oh. . .”
“Just playing with you mama, yeah we’re twins I’m the oldest by the way don’t listen to anything this knucklehead says” O.B confesses,
His statement made the group burst out laughing. Including yourself who rolled your eyes at their childish behavior. In times like this you thought about how people’s friends were often a reflection of themselves. Thinking back to why Ellie had a childish rebellious nature of her own. 
You figured O.B. and P.J. definitely played a part into her mannerisms.
“Oh Ellie I like them, she’s cool” 
“So. . .” P.J. cleared his throat and reached the board, setting the slender wood onto the hardwood floor of the basement.
“Wanna show us a trick?” P.J suggested, taking another swig at his almost empty can
Resting his foot against the edge of the deck, kicking it in your direction. 
Your head tilted to Ellie who was by your side, the redhead gave you a smile and a nod of encouragement. “Go ahead” Ellie whispered, carefully keeping her voice low to give you free reign to make moves. 
“Actually, we’ll teach you something — probably better than what your girl is showing you anyways” P.J. spoke up again watching the brief and small exchange you and Ellie shared.
“Oliver stabilize, let’s do a tic-tac, simple won’t make you crack your skull open. I imagine you are drunk?” P.J. questioned, quirking an eyebrow up at you. To which you nodded at him and he nodded back, the silent exchange brief but P.J.’s delivery was understanding.
Oliver was crouched down almost at eye level with the board, his hands at the edges of the wood, fingers gripping onto the grip tape. His fingertips were covered in bandaids, small scares going up his arm — clearly from one-too-many falls.
“Ellie you’re spotting, waist duty…puh-lease~” P.J. sang as he whistled standing in front of you in the corner. 
The music by now in the back had shifted from Don Toliver to Drake’s Nonstop. The crowd getting low to the music meanwhile yourself, Ellie and the skater group stood in the corner nook with the couches, often where couples would move away to break from the chaos of the main party.
It was spacious — a lot of room for you to do a trick and not have to worry about bumping your head, or hitting a coffee table for that matter.
“You skate goofy-footed?” Oliver asked, debating if he had to flip the direction of the boards nose. Seeing the way your face scrunched in confusion, O.B bit at his lips realizing he was asking the wrong person “Ellie?”
“No, she rides regular” 
“Ok so take one step on the board, both feet try to relax, do not put your feet together, you see where these screws are” P.J pointed to the screws at the bottom of the board the 3 at the left side and the three at the right.
“Place your left foot here,” his fingers pointing to the corresponding left screws “right foot over there” repeating the action. 
“You want your feet to be at your riding — standard position”
You took a step onto the board, as Ellie held onto your hips to prevent you from sliding. Your hands ghosting over hers, with a slight grip as you felt an odd shift at your balance with the sudden wheel’s beneath you. Ellie on the other hand was whispering a soft “I got you” repeatedly, her breath fanning against the back of your neck, just enough to give a shiver up your spine. 
Getting your feet comfortable, P.J and O.B cheered you on, like-wise other skaters who were sitting around clapping their hand against the back of the board, to cheer you on. You smiled sheepishly looking back down to Oliver at the floor who lifted a thumbs up at you.
“Okay great, you’re doing perfect! So now you are gonna push your weight slightly over the board bend your knees a little,” Ellie moved a hand down to slap at your knee making your body jump at the feeling of her sudden chilled touch. Implying to bend your knees to which you did.
P.J continued speaking, almost in full lecture mode, “because your hips are gonna rock, twisting at the nose of your board”
“Give it a try”
“You got it,” Ellie encouraged giving a slight grab at your waist, her fingers slightly bunching at the fabric. You slowly started moving your hips, Oliver letting go so you can try the trick. You were breezing through, feet moving at a great speed, hips at the right position — or maybe it was because of Ellie’s hands guiding you, but you were tic-tacing across the basement tile of the corner making the skaters in the corner cheer you on. 
“OKAY MISS EAST COAST” O.B shouted! As you stood up fully to clap, Ellie pausing you to lift you off the board spinning you around. Pulling your body into a hug as your feet met the ground. 
“Okay Lil’ Tony Hawk don’t get ahead of yourself now” P.B shouted playfully. 
“You should skate with us sometime, considering how good you learn and pick up these skills, we could use your energy at the park” O.B suggested giving you a gentle smile, meanwhile P.J nodded picking his board up from the floor. 
“I mean, if I’m not working the days you go I’ll totally check in” You smile giving the duo a fist bump. You looked beautiful under the light, the long saturated lights dawning upon you with delight as your makeup, soft and dewy glistened in the light.
You turned around to be face-to-face with Ellie, who cutely scrunched up her face at you, opening her arms slightly. Naturally you leaned your body in to give her another hug to which Ellie took it. Sudden adrenaline pumping through her veins, she was almost nervous that you could hear the faint beating of her heart. Not like she was complaining though. 
“Look at you my little rookie!” Ellie whispered lowly into your ear. 
“Making me look good n’ shit, you swear you never done this before?”
“Swear” 
“God you are amazing, I could just kiss you right now!” Ellie blurted out, with a slight rasp in her voice. It was too late for Ellie to take her words back, it felt almost natural as if this was everyday for her. With you she felt at home, and at ease. 
“You can, but I actually have to pee” you whispered back with a laugh, your head falling to hit her shoulder. Laughter raking through your body; almost shaking. 
“upstairs second floor and  first door on your right” 
“Thank you!” You smile briefly as you turn on your heels to walk away, “Bye guys you were fun, I’ll be back…hopefully” You yelled over the music as the skaters waved to you. O.B and P.J with the dorkies smiles on their faces as they watched you go.
“Good job mama! Hope to see you hitting the parks soon!”
You ran off to the stairs, your body disappear merging into the bodies of people. Ellie on the other hand let out a prolonged sigh looking at the boys in front of her, to which P.J and O.B were already giving her a knowing look.
“On your simp shit, she bad tho snatch her before your competitions grabby hands will” O.B. suggested pretending to be a crab claw with his hands and clawing his hands at Ellie’s shirt. Then making graphic imagery with his hands. P.J. laughed at his brother’s actions, Ellie only rolling her eyes at the twins. 
“Fuck you!”
“If you fumble we’ll never forgive you” 
⋆。°✩౨ৎ✩°。⋆
The bathroom was your escape for the moment. Brought you back to reality and grounded you from everything that seemed unreal, you were definitely sobering up from all that you drank. As your cup was discarded and tossed in the trash before your meeting of O.B and P.J.
Flushing the toilet quickly you made your way back to the counter to wash your hands. Tilting your head every now and then at the feeling of the pressure condensing in your head. Almost feeling airheaded and lightheaded. The post-drinking headache coming along swiping through you like the Grim Reaper.
Taking a generous amount of soap only to realize the pump was damn near stuck and the bottle was almost out, sucking your teeth in agitation, having no choice but to unscrew the lid and tap the bottle against your palm to get the soap out. 
Amidst the base of the music peeking through the vents and gaps in the bathroom, two voices were loud against the door. Sounded like an old couple in an argument. One voice is a lot softer the other one raspier and aggressive almost attacking the softer voice. Making your nose scrunch trying to screw your head away from being nosy. After carefully putting the top on off the bottle – and a terrible job of minding your own business you flicked the faucet up, warm-hot water gushing into the sink, as you washed your hands humming the tune of the song. Snapping a piece of paper towel off the roll and wiping your head dry, hitting the faucet with your napkin before throwing it in the trash.
You took a sharp inhale, taking in the fumes from the air-freshener of the wall, your hands entangled in each other as you looked at your appearance in the mirror.
Make up still intact? Check.
No broken nails? Check.
Outfit still fine? Triple check.
Drunk? Oh more than a fucking check. 
BANG!
You jolted, being brought out of your own thoughts as you heard the sound of a loud shove against the door, arguing you heard prior getting louder and louder. Tip toeing your way to the door, pressing your ear against the thick wood trying to hear the voices amidst the music.
“I told you to fucking tell her and you didn’t”
“Don’t piss me off I’m doing it!”
“Well you got 5 fucking minutes! Anderson walked through the door, if that gives you any motivation”
Who the fuck was Anderson? You pushed your head away from the door thinking about who the two voices could have been talking about. Now that you were listening – to which you definitely shouldn’t have, inquiry filled you. The voices were more feminine, one a little groggier than the other. 
“Like hell, I’m letting Abby touch her! Are you joking? We can’t do this right now and you said you would help me yet your fucking yelling at me!”
“I’ve had it with you! You didn’t grow at all you immature little—”
SPLASH!
You brought a hand up to your mouth in confusion as the water hit the door. Fortunate that you were on the other side, you looked down at your sneakers to see a sudden pool of water seeping onto the bathroom floor tile, traveling underneath the door. But that definitely wasn’t vodka, or urine either the mystery liquid slightly tinted brown. You heard a slight growl from the other side. It didn’t sound too good, at all. 
“You tell her, or I will you got 24 hours or this deal is done!”
With that, your hand reached for the doorknob unlocking the door to reveal two familiar faces near and dear to you. 
Ellie and Cat.
Like two deers stuck in headlights, the two stopped speaking to each other, to now face you in shock. Cat quickly tucked her solo cup behind her and threw it somewhere in the hallway. 
This time you took back your mental note about Ellie’s shirt considering the white fabric blend now was drenched in a brown toffee splotch at the center. 
“Y/n! I’ve been looking for you the whol—”
“Do you know each other or. . .” 
You looked at Cat, not missing a beat as you turned to look at Ellie. Ellie turned her head to look at Cat with pleading eyes. Smoothly going unnoticed by you as the two spoke up over each other. 
“No”
“No”
The two said at the same time, making you tilt your head to the left in confusion. They were rushing to say no simultaneously almost as if they couldn’t control the urge to say it, caught in a lie your head shouted.
Caught. In. A. Lie
 
Cat was looking at you with a wide smile. Masking the scowl she had when you opened there, almost as if there was nothing wrong.
“Explain your shirt then?” you nudged pointing at Ellie’s shirt. You were getting suspicious, head on the fox, whose slyness rather slipped – they got careless and now they were paying the price.
“Uh…”
“Some couple apparently was walking by if you heard arguing apparently Ellie, right your name is Ellie?” Ellie nodded as Cat continued “tried to break it up so they would leave and the girlfriend threw the drink accidentally hitting Ellie in the process. I was looking for the bathroom and that’s how I saw her. Small conversation” Cat smiled 
Her lie was clean, 100% believable considering her hands were free of any cup and she played it off as she didn’t know Ellie. Ellie’s eyes ran in disbelief staring at the girl as Cat gave a glance back almost screaming You Owe me!  
You also weren’t oblivious or ignorant for that matter deciding to leave it alone. 
“Uh huh…” you nodded as you prepared to step out only for Ellie to push you in, followed by herself, Wind catching your throat.
“Thanks for uh the help Cat, we need like a minute -thank you” Ellie’s back was turned towards you as she closed the door in Cat’s face, hitting the lock and letting out a breath before turning to face you with a smile. Her smile dropped upon seeing the look on your face. Almost as if you were lost in your head–stricken daze as your mind was talking but your mouth was not.
“You alright? You don’t look so well”
Ellie’s eyes squinted at how unsettled you looked. Almost as if you were about to vomit. Looking a little green. You weren’t sure why, but the butterflies you got when you saw Ellie transitioned to anxiety. Like something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Your stomach curls in knots attacking each other like a parasite almost as if you ate something bad. 
Something was wrong.
“Yeah. . .” You whispered breathily lying through your teeth. A hand shifting over to your stomach as a way to ease the sudden pain.
“Here sit”
Ellie tapped the open space of the counter of the sink you walked to the main sink. 
“You mind if I, uh…” Ellie pointed at her shirt, to which you shook your head. For a second giving the girl privacy, looking away from her undressing in front of you.
Ellie slid the shirt off of her body leaving her in a bright blue sports bra. Her body, rather fit was slightly bruised in some areas. Like her hips, or her back. They looked painful making you wince in pain. Ellie’s gaze followed your own as her hands touched against the messy hues of purple.
“Skate fails.” 
“You don’t take care of yourself?” you whisper bringing a hand out to touch the bruise making Ellie suck her teeth and hiss at you.
“As best as I could.”
Ellie prolonged a look at you. Grabbing onto your fingers to stop you from touching. 
Her mind was screaming kiss! Kiss! Kiss! With her face leaning to your own. She could smell the sweetness of your perfume. Like the perfect bite almost harmonic to her. Wedding bells singing.
Almost as if someone snapped their fingers in front of her face she jolted away.
“I’ll heal up jus’fine the ointment is working . . .I guess”
“You don’t give yourself any love,” You started, making Ellie’s heart grow softer. Growing paints made her eyebrows knit together in sadness.
“What makes you think that” Ellie kept her voice low, somewhere between a whisper and a mumble. Bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of her neck
You moved your body closer to the counter, leaning closer to where she stood, taking her arm into your own hands, and tugging her forward like a ragdoll. Ellie stood before you, hawk-eyed as you brought your glossed lips down to her arm applying a kiss to the disappearing bruise on her bicep. Triggering a response in her – Ellie abruptly jumped, chapped lips separated. This time you lifted up her wrist, kissing the edge of her knuckles.
“That’s how I know” 
Where her green met your very own, sparkles in her eyes, as her loving gaze couldn’t diverge. It reminded you of when she poured you the drink. An intimate moment but this time the two of you were alone and there was no one to stop you. 
“I don’t deserve you,” Ellie whispered softly, bringing a hand up to move your hair out of your face. The look on her face was almost guilty as if she now entered the emotional stage of her drunkness
“How do you know what I deserve,” you whisper holding onto her arm and giving her room to speak her mind. 
“You don’t know who I am” 
“I can learn, I-I Ellie, You can’t see what I see” you reasoned. It was almost as if Ellie was backtracking. Self-sabotaging for all of the soft moments you made. Wanting nothing more than to close herself off and be alone. She knew the minute she lied to you, and you still trusted her that she was no good. Ellie felt greedy sinfully taking a bite of something so precious and delicate that she was going to destroy it with her greed and recklessness. 
Maybe that was the part about liking someone and desiring them. For some time she thought she could never feel an emotion other than lust until she met you. You changed her greed, her desire, her energy vampire nature to be loved. She wanted to do right by you. And even so, she still failed, Cat was right, she didn’t change.
“You wouldn’t like what you see”
“But your different no? If we’re talking about pasts we all got one. It’s how we move forward that matters” you continue, almost lecturing the girl in front of you.
Ellie nodded
“I-...”
“Shh”  
The moment was tender. Silence fills the bathroom, the bass from the music filling the void where their voices would have filled.
“Your lips look a little dry” you confessed, making Ellie furrow her eyebrows, her eyes flickering to your own seeing the way the gloss shined underneath the bathroom overhead light. It was a total off- comment almost throwing off the vibe of the moment the two of you were sharing.
“What?”
“Wait lean in a bit more hold on,” Ellie complied – leaning further in her lips a perfect inch away from yours. 
Ellie felt her breathing speed up, eyeing your lips, trying to correct herself by looking elsewhere. 
“Don’t look at me like that” Ellie whispered, her voice low as she leaned in even closer turning the inch to a centimeter. Her lips almost grazed yours as she spoke.
“Like what?” you whispered tilting your head as you looked up at her through your mascara-coated lashes, orbs flashing innocence, and fake confusion.
It took no time for the two of your lips to meet, your glossed lips giving hers some moisture. It was soft, almost feeling as if you were falling through a series of clouds. Ellie gripped at your face, as you felt her cold rings against your face, hands moving up and down as they stroked your smooth skin. It was abruptly getting hotter than here. By now your hands reached up to the back of Ellie’s hat tossing it to the floor, as the kiss got deeper and deeper. Your body hit the back of the counter’s mirror as Ellie continued to take her time kissing you. Stepping in between your thighs, using her free hand to wrap your legs around her waist as she continued. Caging her in feeding into the temptation.
You let out a low whine only for Ellie to detach her head away from your lips, tightly gripping your jaw and your neck tightly as her lips were kissing the flesh of your skin. Wet messy kisses as her tongue was in swirls, peppering marks on your neck. Almost going in as if she was taking a lick at ice cream, trying to get to the center and devour the cone. 
Occasional moans left your lips as you continued to get drunker off the taste of alcohol on her tongue. Your heavy breathing was intense as she pulled apart from you, fixing your dress strap for you as she gave a swift kiss to your shoulder and collarbone.
“I want to give you more than a sloppy party kiss. . .”
THUD!
“Ayo! open the door I gotta pee!”
Ellie rolled her eyes at the voice, belonging to a man as she peeled her body away from yours. Putting the shirt in the hamper closest to the tub she dug through the bathroom closest to find one of the secret safety shirts Jesse stored in the cabinet. Sliding the fabric over her head as she turned to face you adjusting the shirt. 
You snickered, laughing at how ridiculous the slogan on the shirt was: “WHO ATE ALL THE PUSSY?” It read, as ridiculous as it sounded it was very suitable for her. 
“Nice shirt,” Ellie looked down at the words before looking back at you,
“Nice face”
You shook your head at her response hopping off the counter to refreshen yourself, you digging into your purse as she was doing her own thing. Digging through your purse you brought out a small bottle of Fenty-lip gloss, cherry tinted, applying the rich and sticky gloss onto your lips rubbing in security. Ellie on the other hand, finished her preparations, throwing her hat into the closet, now eyeing your tube of lip gloss.
“You want some?” Your voice ran sweet as you pushed her more in front of you. Ellie puckered her lips meanwhile you were pumping the gloss three times before applying the tingling lip gloss onto her own. Ellie hummed at the sudden cherry flavor.
Ellie’s scrunched up – almost as if she smelled something bad.
“Ouchh, what the hell is it supposed to do that” Ellie cried, almost throwing a tantrum like a child. Rubbing her lips together.
“Yes Ellie, it’s a lip plumper”
“I swear my lips are gonna fall off”
“You’re so dramatic”
“Argg — take it off!”
⋆。°✩౨ৎ✩°。⋆
Once you left the bathroom you ended up separated from Ellie. Jesse interrupted saying they were having a problem…yet again with too many people on the front lawn. Jesse shouted sorry at you repeatedly as he dragged her away from you. Ellie looked back at you twice, while you did only once. 
You thought now would be a good time for some fresh air taking in the sudden humidity that was so so much hotter in comparison to where you stood comfortably at the counter. You whisked your way to the patio. Finding yourself sitting at the steps. The cool air nipping at your kneck as you bask in your own warmth rubbing your arms upwards and down again – repeating this motion until you were satisfied.
Tonight felt like a fever dream to you. Kissing your growing crush, a great night out where you not only made friends but weren’t uncomfortable during the night. It seemed almost too good to be true. Until the thoughts of Cat and Ellie standing outside of the bathroom door set you off. You felt that nervousness bubble up in your stomach again as you dipped your head down to rest against the wood of the railing. 
Behind you, the patio door slammed open…before being closed again. The back area was vacant of bodies until the new one arrived. The smell of pine filled your nostrils, clean and fresh as the body sat next to you bringing a blunt to their lips –  scratched at their hair. A jacket, on their arms flashes of red and white making you fully glance at them this time. 
It was a blonde with a pretty smile and beat-up Converse like many of the other skaters there. Which led you to believe that she was probably one of them, probably a friend of Ellie’s as well. Oh, how you were wrong.
“Too loud?” Her voice was smooth and low, muscular build figure -- prominent she had to be about 6’0. She seemed like an enigma not even real, almost an angel coming to your aid when you needed help and that you did.
“Nah. . . just needed to clear my head, for a second” You whispered as you kept your eyes closed against the wood. The sudden smell of weed fills the aroma between the two of you.
“All fair, what’s on your mind? I’m a stranger but I can give you advice” The blonde spoke up again letting out a brief puff of air and blowing the smoke away from you. She dug into her jacket pocket pulling out a penny, the blunt resting between her lips.
“Penny for your thoughts” She suggested.
You took the coin into your hands.
“You ever feel like someone is lying to you [all the time,] like I have suspicions that my roommate and this current girl I’m seeing are up to something. . . like I wouldn’t say it's imperatively negative but like it feels like there's a secret and everyone knows but me.” You confessed, words spilling out of your mouth like you were in a therapy session. The girl took another swig of the blunt before speaking.
“If you feel like it is, then find out the truth. You seem like a smart girl, don’t be afraid to ask”
“I’m not afraid its jus—”
“You’re afraid.”
“And that’s okay,” the blonde continued as she now directed her full attention to you. The scar on her face was prominent against her cheeks, ocean eyes slightly large and almost silver under the moonlight.
“I think you’re afraid your suspicions are gonna be right. But even if they were, look at the facts and the integrity. Were they not telling you x,y,z to hurt you – antagonize you? Or protect you?”
“I’m not a kid, I don’t need protecting” you scowled, turning your once open body away back into the staircase, adjusting your body away from the blonde’s. 
“Didn’t say you were, but everyone needs protecting…including myself”
“Let me tell you a story,” The blonde shook the blunts ash out as she started to speak. “When I was in high school I was infatuated with my current girlfriend, before we started dating. I wanted her so badly. My friends knew I had a crush and even someone I considered my best friend at the time. So naturally I planned moves, and they swept her right away from me — kissed her. . . probably fucked her. I was so mad. I mean I still get riled up thinking about it – but that’s beside the point. Eventually, the truth came to light that my so-called best friend wasn’t as good as people said she was. Now eventually my girlfriend and I worked past it, but I always thank myself for checking the light-eyed bitches location and finding out everything I needed to go”
“See I trusted my gut and I think you should too”
You took in her words, mouth wide as she told the story “I’m sorry that’s fucked up!”
“What’s even more fucked is me being here right now because I shouldn’t even be in attendance”
“They here or something?” you pry  – hoping to not have crossed paths with this person.
“Oh they are here alright, just be —”
“Yo!” A soft voice shouts from the patio door a black girl whose hair was put up into a cute puff, stuck her head out looking at the blonde. You thought she was gorgeous, even down to her voice she was pretty. Her aurora was nice, fitting for the blonde next to you
“Let’s bounce, Jesse’s cutting people out”
“Yup! Alright, that’s our cue,” The blonde put out her marijuana stick, dabbing it into the wood of the stairs as she stood up fully with a stretch. “Listen, as I said – if you suspect something ask questions. Stop settling that’s how you fuck yourself over”
“What’s your name?” you shouted, watching as the girl was walking away from you with the girl who stuck her head out, who you presumed to be her girlfriend that she described in the story.
“Abby!”
“And good luck! Something tells me you’ll need it”
Leaving you with the sparkling penny under the moonlight.
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> Mars in Houses < How you fight demons by becoming more demony ANd where others thirsty for yo Red-Bull-shit
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Mars in First - Red bull gave you wings. your venom is oozing out yo teeth, but you still grinning at anything that moves. you act out a lot -and we let you - only because we don't wanna be the reason you lashed out - and you will justify your outbursts with any reason possible. because anything and everything makes you jump into a fist fight. and we don't wanna hear it was our fault later when we all know its your fault Mars in Second - Red bull made you sleep. you tired of fighting, but you will never surrender - so like what do you even want. your easily the most annoying person to get in a fight with because you never quit even if you lost the fight. passive in yo jabs but you a genius at pissing me off. and honestly the only reason i put up with it is because you so god damn sensual but your the definition of walking on egg shells Mars in Third - Red bull gave you intrusive thoughts. You are irrationally provocative and you don't even care that you just pissed everyone off with yo shit talking. you are able to have a conversation, but you must get the final word, and this final word, is why we all roll our eyes at you whenever you say yo 'piece.' notice how know one talks shit back to you? talk is cheap Mars in Fourth - Red bull gave you cancer - you hold in a lot, and we know your insides are boiling into a hot soup and thats why everyone so nice to you. we dont want to be the ones you vomit at. and we know its because yo mama made you bite yo tongue as a kid. and well we gotten used to it Mars in Fifth - Red bull gave you energy - get hyper - *dubstep**ksi appears** your dominant simply because your energy is overwhelming to others > you got the loudest laugh > the 'funniest' jokes > the biggest rawr xd > no one gonna step to you because you loud , and to extinguish yo flames we gotta call the fire brigade because you set the whole building on fire Mars in Sixth - Red bull gave you band aids/aids - you the most non combative person but can cut anyone so easily. you know exactly how to put someone down, and thats why you dont look for fights, because it feels like work at dis point. undercover freaks Mars in Seventh - Red bull gave you an erection - RED ROCKET RED ROCKET ummm do you really gotta show yo red rocket to everyone. seriously you working everyone as if you plan on sleeping with everyone. and the people you really wanna sleep with man, never seen a bigger simp, but keep pretending you a pimp, i mean i would too if i was as thirsty as you Mars in Eighth - Red bull gave you demon wings - scary. you can expose anyone by diggging into their psyche/secrets, and after you expose them, you console them, make them feel better about how you made them yo bitch. I mean its impressive how well you keep your secrets to yourself, but man do you exterminate everyone elses and its uncomfortable to be yo target Mars in Ninth - Red bull made you jump off something high - loud ambitions and a whole buncha energy. and well we know you have a grand plan to take over the world, but we done hearing about it we just waiting to see if you got the balls to do it. oh wow you actually jumped off the cliff and nearly died. was it as legendary as you thought it would be > i mean shit, imma talk about it so maybe? Mars in Tenth - Red bull made you put on a suit - Professionally a proffesional. a professional that proffeses they a profesional professionally like professionals who are proffesional. do you feel like i gave you the respect you deserved, or do you feeel im mocking you? they ask themselves this typa shit 24/7 because they dont wanna get spat on, but they so used to it - so they put themselves in only win win situations to avoid anything 'unprofessional'
Mars in Eleventh - Red bull gave you purpose - yall are kinda fearless but we all know its because you so afraid you wont get your way lol. but you masters at getting yo way, but that just means people dont wanna get in yo way... now ask yourself. how beneficial is this really. i mean at least nothing is an obstacle, but also no one helping you, becasue your attitude has convinced everyone you dont need help, and we also don't want to Mars in Twelfth - Red bull made you think he gave you wings - yall into infecting peoples minds; thats yo weapon. you know the exact right things to pull off to get people stuck in a thought loop of guessing what ifs of what is actually nothing at all. and this 'weapon' after a while, is completely useless after yo game is revealed, but yall are intriguing and are always shapeshifting into some new shit
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elliezlils11utt · 2 months
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I have no idea if this is how you send requests but could you write bsf ellie and reader getting high or drunk and ellie who's had a crush on the reader for ages is too drunk to control herself and she just starts rubbing the readers thigh which leads too..yknow stuff please.
Or she's just generally touching her up
‘WHAT DOES THIS MAKE US’ (e.w)
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a/n: took a little creative liberty with this one. mb love.
warnings: both of yall r high asf, toxic!ellie at the end maybe? (not really), thigh riding, bsf!ellie, inexperienced!reader sorta, pet names (mama, sweets, ma, pretty girl)
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ellie gets like this sometimes. after a good smoke sesh she js starts getting really fucking clingy and needy. she starts saying shit you know she wouldn’t say if she was sober. (not that your complaining) she’ll start complimenting you randomly. her fuzzy head js thinking about you and your ‘pretty smile’. now as much as you loved to hear her raspy voice tell you how beautiful you are and how she thinks your body is perfect, you know she’s not in her right mind. so u normally js giggle and play it off like a joke. this time though it was a lil different. you suggested you do a couple shots too. you two sit on her little couch. music lowly playing in the background, you take another hit of the blunt. feeling the burn follow through your lungs you exhale the smoke and pass it. a lazy smile on els face as you turn to her. ‘whatca smilin ‘bout over there els?’you question, handing her the weed. she takes a deep hit. you watch as her body expands with her breath. she blows the smoke from her lips she shakes her head lightly.
‘thinkin bout how pretty u r.’ she says so causally. fuck. the way she drags her vowels out when she’s high drives you fucking insane. your face flushes. a little giggle slipping.
‘yah? that how u feel els?’
‘mhm’ she hums. her eyes flow over every feature on ur face. lingering over your lips a little longer then they should. her eyes finally meet your own. your pondering expression causing her to raise a brow.
‘hm?’ she questions as you examine her. you take a moment.
‘what are you doing ellie? do u like me?‘
‘do I like you?’ she pauses. almost sounding completely offended you would even question her on that. ‘c’mer pretty girl’ she puts out the blunt & opens her arms. welcoming you to sit on her. and you do, you crawl over and plop yourself right on her lap. your legs stratilng her own. your hands placed on her chest. she peers into your eyes, looking through her lashes. a lazy smile on her face.
‘better?’ you whisper.
‘mhm. a lot better.’ her hands snake up your waist. slipping under your shirt her cold hands press against the plush of your warm hips. your skin kissed by her touch. she gently scratches at your back. her nails dragging circles up and down ur back. her fingers slip under the strap of your bra. playing with the lacy hem. ‘els your my best friend.’ you protest. not wanting to ruin the friendship you’ve built with Ellie.
‘so..?’ she replies. she undoes ur bra as she speaks.
‘fuck.’ you breath out. you place kisses down her throat. attacking her neck with love bites.
‘let’s get this off yah?’
she pulls your shirt over your head discarding it to be found at an later date (you will be searching for that shit for the next week and a half😭) your bra falls with it. her hands immediately find your tits. groping the fat of your boobs. your head falls back, a moan slipping past your lips. her hands snake back down your waist and she shifts you to the side. placing you on her thigh. your legs placed on either side of the muscle of her leg.
‘go on baby’ she coos.
‘what do you mean els?’
‘oh sweet girl, here lemme show you.’
she starts to slowly rock you back on forth on her. your clothed cunt rubbing against the soft of her thigh. you muffle the whimpers and whines by biting your bottom lip. you catch a hint and ride her. her red hooded eyes watching you closely.
‘that’s it mama. doin s’good f’me sweets’
‘oh god~’ you had never felt this good. this fuzzy feeling had formed in your stomach. like a knot begging to be untied. she pulls you farther up her thigh so your knee is pressed up her pussy. the uncomfortable wetness in her boxers becoming unbearable.
‘you close baby?’ your head bobbles fast. unable to answer her with words. ‘go on ma’, you can cum’
you thrust into her. the knot bursts. you spazz out following your high. mumbles of ‘thank yous’ fall outa ur mouth.
‘there we go, so pretty’ she coos as you fall onto her chest. your breath heaving and you pant into her. a goofy grin stuck to your cheeks.
‘how was that? still think i don’t like you?’ she says sarcastically, tracing circles into your sticky skin. your shirt and bra still gone.
‘that was fucking amazing ellie.’ you look up at her, staring into her eyes. she places a soft kiss onto your lips. your head falls back into the crook of her neck. you stay like this for a while. content with where you are. it feels safe.
‘what does this make us ellie?’
‘we can talk about it in the morning y/n, get some rest’
a/n: i apologize this is so shit
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featherandferns · 1 year
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ik this isn’t a prompt but i’m in love with the idea of jj calling the reader mama like maybe in bed or just being affectionate. they don’t have kids but it’s just a name he’s given her
"mama's mad" is still one of the best quotes of the show, so i've got u here. hope this is okay! idk why a lot of my stuff is set at breakfast time in the chateau. maybe i'm craving bacon (my poor vegetarian ass is suffering)...
(content warning - mentions of sex)
“If you two could screw a little quieter next time, there’d be no complaints here,” Kiara says to JJ the moment he walks into the kitchen on Sunday morning.
JJ makes his way straight to the counter where some bacon has been served up. He gladly grabs at it.
“I’ll take it under advisement,” he replies, biting down into a piece of crispy strip.
John B is cooking eggs on the hob whilst Sarah leisurely slices lemons and oranges by his side, for infused water.
“Will you?” Kie asks.
“Probably not, nah,” JJ grins. She rolls her eyes.
“Where is your girl, anyway?” John B asks from the stove.
JJ opens the fridge and retrieves the carton of OJ, taking a swig.
“Napping. Didn’t get much sleep last night,” JJ can’t help but add with a slimy grin.
“You’re shameless, JJ,” Sarah sighs.
“You know it, princess,” he winks. He watches as Kiara starts mixing together ingredients in a bowl. “Whatcha making?”
“Pancakes.”
“Oh, nice,” he hums. “Lemme see if mama wants any.”
By mama, he obviously means you. It’s a given that any ‘mama’ in JJ’s sentences refers to you; something the Pogues and yourself have casually come to accept. The moment you and JJ stopped beating around the bush and fessed up to your feelings like the semi-mature teenagers you are (it was practically a battle of who-dare-say-it-first), he had taken to calling you it. You weren’t exactly sure why. Had teased him about whether he had a mommy kink in private (which he neither confirmed nor denied). Mostly he did it to joke. It sounded nice in his northern accent, anyway. Drawled off the tongue smooth and sweet like honey. So, no complaints from any party, unless JJ got vulgar with it in front of the Pogues (which was fairly often, with it being JJ).
Heading down the hall, JJ pushes open the spare bedroom door and darts his head in. You’re still in bed, lounging on your back, hair a mess and neck covered in healing and forming love bites. JJ grins, proud like a kid winning a science fair contest.
“Yo, mamma bear? Pancakes or bacon?”
“Why do I have to pick between them?”
“Fair point. You want both then?”
“Mhm,” you sigh lazily, eyes shut. “Coffee too, if there is any.”
JJ cringes. “Think Pope made some.”
“Yikes. No, then.”
“You got it mama.”
With that, he wanders back into the kitchen and grabs a plate from the drying rack of the sink. It’s always piled high with pots like some rip-off modern art project. The leaning tower of pots and pans. He dumps some bacon on, holds out his plate for John B to serve up some eggs - straight from the pan - and makes Kie promise to save some pancakes. Then he’s back in the bedroom, two forks in hand, climbing back into bed to share the morning fry-up with you.
“This is the life,” you sigh, leaning your head on his shoulder as you eat.
JJ smiles and nods. You’re right. You’re always right, to be honest - not that he’d ever confess it. Only one of you needs a big ego, and JJ likes to think he’s claimed that spot.
“Wanna fish later?”
“Mhm,” you nod. “Don’t mind really. As long as I’m with you.”
“Aw,” he grins, nudging you with his shoulder, making you laugh. He can see the flush to your features when he does. “You going soft on me, mama?”
“Only you,” you grin up at him.
JJ can’t take it when you look at him like that – like he hung the stars just so you can stand under them – so he grabs a strip of bacon and shoves it in your smiling mouth, making you laugh.
Yeah, this is the life.
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ryuichirou · 1 month
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TWST cursing and dirty jokes hcs
Anonymous asked:
Do you have any headcanons for the twst boys and how often they curse? Who curses the most? Who has the dirtiest mouth? Who says the worst things? Who sounds unnatural when they swear?
On the same subject, who likes dirty jokes? Who thinks they’re immature? Who knows the dirtiest most vulgar things and says them on the regular (think Miu Iruma levels of vulgarity)? Who sounds like an inexperienced virgin whenever they crack dirty jokes or says vulgar things?
Anonymous asked:
Do you have head-canons for the Twst boys cursing?
The first ask was sent quite a while ago, and the second one is today; what a good timing, because I already wanted to post this today! Thank you for your request, Anons.
This ask got me super excited. Funny thing is, I don’t really like overusing curse words for some of the characters because it feels like they wouldn’t use it… But I guess a lot of them ended up using it one way or another huh.
When it comes to Mui Iruma levels of vulgarity though, they still have a lot to learn…
Riddle – not only he doesn’t swear, he is also the type of person to say things that could have a different meaning without realising it. Like, he would say the word “come” in a perfectly normal way, and some of the boys from his dorm (Ace) would snicker… or when he said the word “sextant”, and Ace made him repeat it like 5 times by asking seemingly genuine innocent questions about the thing. Riddle absolutely hates when Ace does it, he thinks it’s beyond immature, and frankly, not a lot of things make him as mad as being caught in these “swearing” traps. He also absolutely hates dirty jokes. Riddle has never said the word “fuck” in his life, and he is very proud of it! (only heard it for the first time like 2 or 3 years ago…) I think Riddle genuinely thinks that if someone curses, it’s a sign of their low intelligence.
Ace – he curses all the time. He tries not to do it in front of some senpais (the more strict ones, like Vil or Riddle), but not all of them – he swears in front of Trey, Cater, Jamil and Floyd without holding back at all. But he is also the type that could swear even in front of a professor if he is too pissed off… He definitely got into trouble at least a couple of times for saying “FUCK” out-loud during class. Speaking of class, he likes to think that he has some, and that he isn’t an immature boy laughing at stupid dirty jokes, but he’s delusional about himself: he is an immature boy laughing at stupid dirty jokes. Sometimes he comes up with a roundabout way to call someone a virgin masturbator to tease them (mostly Deuce), but there are times when he just does the “yo mama” thing. Not as often as he used to do when he was a middleschooler though. He also called Riddle a cunt once... but “bitch” is his favourite word.
Deuce – he used to curse a lot; he would say a 10-word sentence, and at least 5 words of the sentence would be some variation of “fuck”. Delinquent baby Deuce called people twats left and right. But now he is extremely ashamed of it, and does his best not to do it… it’s kind of difficult for him because it’s been less than a year + a lot of the swear words used to be his “buffer words” that he would just stick in his speech while he was thinking of some other word, and now he has to think properly and choose his words before speaking… it’s very obvious when he’s trying to come up with another phrasing in his head because he gets silent for a couple of moments lol Still, he can’t actively think about these things all the time, so he says “fuck” every now and then, and then gets instantly embarrassed. Ace makes fun of him for that. As for the dirty jokes, he can’t help but laugh at them sometimes, but he doesn’t say anything himself, not anymore.
Trey – he prefers not to curse, it’s just not his style, plus it isn’t very pleasant to the ear overall. But it’s not like he is 100% innocent either, sometime he would mutter “fuck” quietly to himself if he is frustrated or surprised, but he tries not to do it in front of others. It would ruin the image they have of him… or make him 100 times more attractive somehow, and Trey wouldn’t really want that either! So sometimes he uses some silly phrases instead of cursing, like “fudge brownies”... He doesn’t like dirty jokes, but if they’re funny, he’ll chuckle. Very sneakily though.
Cater – he curses sometimes, but it doesn’t sound like something “heavy” when it comes from him. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t overdo it and says it casually, like “holy shit” or “I’m fucking excited”. Funny enough, he tries to change these words into “frick” or “holy cow” when he’s around freshmen. Yes he knows that both of them curse, but he’s trying to set an example here, right? He loves dirty jokes though! But then again, he would say them in a very sneaky way not to ruin his cute and cool senpai image.
Leona – he curses more than Falena does, and he started to do it exactly to spite Falena. His brother is very proper with his way of speaking, and whenever Leona says something a prince shouldn’t, Falena always looked bothered and disappointed – this is why he got this habit. He doesn’t swear all the time, but whenever he does, it sounds surprisingly fitting and natural. He doesn’t like dirty jokes though; I guess deep inside he is a prince after all.
Ruggie – he knows a lot of curse words, and some of them are very rare, creative and frankly scary sounding, but he doesn’t swear very often – he is very good at controlling himself. He knows that you can seriously affect the way others see you in professional setting if you go around cursing left and right. Still, Ruggie does say “fuck” and “shit” sometimes. And he loves dirty jokes! He doesn’t make those jokes himself, but he would laugh at one if he hears it.
Jack – he doesn’t swear at all, but if he is deeply, extremely angry, then after all the “GRRRRR”s you miiiight hear one “fuck”. But this is such a rare occasion that it’s going to sound weird coming from him. He also doesn’t like it when the word “bitch” is used as a curse word because now he can’t use it normally without having other freshmen giggle… He also hates dirty jokes :( party pooper.
Azul – he doesn’t normally curse, in general, he would prefer not to curse at all, but sometimes, when he speaks you could almost hear him starting to say something bad, and then quickly change it into something else. Azul got one nasty tongue, but it’s mostly hidden… mostly. The Tweels know that Azul could say curse words that would make a lot of people blush (not them though). Azul doesn’t limit himself when he’s talking to them + sometimes mutters to himself angrily. He also picked up some of the words and phrases from Idia. But when it comes to dirty jokes, Azul absolutely hates them and thinks they are the lowest form of comedy. When did you become a comedy expert, Azul?
Jade – sometimes he looks like he is just waiting for the right moment to drop the F-bomb when people around him expect it the least, but he knows that once he does it, this mystique and this tension will be lost forever. It won’t feel like a big deal anymore. So he doesn’t do it… yet. He is waiting for the perfect moment to drop his first F-bomb! <3 He is also a liar though, this isn’t his first F-bomb at all. When it comes to dirty jokes, Jade, surprisingly, loves them when someone else is the target. But he has very high standards for those and wants them to be as nasty as possible! He won’t say it, of course, but he’s always hoping the joking person will go there.
Floyd – oh he curses no problem. He doesn’t make a big deal out of it – this is just the way he speaks. His parents and teachers tried to combat Floyd’s cursing habits, but no one’s ever succeeded at anything… he cursed in front of Crowley once, and Crowley couldn’t even scold him.  Everyone is powerless against Floyd’s “fuck”… He does like dirty jokes every now and then, but they are hit or miss with him. Sometimes he laughs hysterically at the most raunchy immature things ever, but sometimes he just looks disappointed and says “nah that’s just nasty”. He loves teasing Riddle with dirty jokes though… he always reacts in a fun way.
Kalim – he doesn’t swear! He just doesn’t feel the need to. When he was little, he asked Jamil what a “fuck” was… and then there was a moment when he was very confused about pussies and cocks. What an animal farm! The truth is, people don’t really swear around Kalim, so cursing is still sounds very unnatural to him. He doesn’t judge though! But he doesn’t like dirty jokes… they kind of make him uncomfortable? He likes silly toilet humour sometimes though, which is ??? Why, Kalim? As long as it isn’t too gross, I guess…
Jamil – he is the reason why Kalim asked about the meaning behind the “fuck”, and he got in so much trouble for that that he never said anything even remotely dirty around Kalim after that point. He didn’t know Kalim was listening, okay! He was just talking to himself! But yeah, Jamil curses from time to time, but also all the time in his head. He has a never-ending broadcast of repeating “what the actual fuck?” in his head at all times. He’s a bit similar to Azul in a way that you don’t want to know what he thinks… He doesn’t like dirty jokes, but he isn’t a saint – sometimes he would snicker if the joke is witty enough.
Vil – he curses extremely rarely, and he would prefer not to swear at all, but at the same time he thinks that words are just words and there is no need to be precious about it. Still he thinks that swearing at inappropriate place and time is absolutely unacceptable and shows one's disregard to people around them and their lack of self-control, tact and common sense. He lectures poor Epel a lot because Epel has no business bringing his potty mouth to his dorm. I think there are three situations in which Vil could potentially curse: out of intense frustration (super rare), in a sexual setting (who says “penis” when they fuck?) and on film if the script requires it. The latter would be such a jumpscare for everyone who knows him irl… and for his fanbase as well. He doesn’t like dirty jokes 95% of the time, but when the starts align… and if the joke is, once again, witty and not very in-your-face…
Rook – he doesn’t curse at all, but it’s not because he doesn’t like “bad words”. He finds them very poetic, and he probably experimented with them in some of his private poems, but when it comes to his manner of speech, it just doesn’t sound right. Maybe it’s because he never hears those words from the stage when he watches an opera? It’s not like his parents or anyone else prohibited him from swearing at any point in his life. I think if someone hears him say a dirty word, they would be even more shocked than hearing one from Vil. When it comes to dirty jokes Rook actually loves them, because he thinks they express a lot about a person making them. I guess he views them in a very anthropological, culturological and linguistical kind of way. Please don’t ask him what the fuck that even means, he will answer…
Epel – he knows a lot of scary words… some of which are native to the area he grew up in. Being his grandma's little copy, when Epel curses, it’s very powerful and kind of shocking. He can't really swear anymore because Vil WILL wash his mouth with soap, but sometimes he gets carried away. He is similar to Deuce in a way that he gets those “fuck- oh, I mean- geez-“ moments. He loves dirty jokes though, maybe even more than Ace does, and when he doesn’t have to pretend to be a cutie, he says some nasty stuff. Especially when he gets carried away… he loves being provocative and shocking with his jokes, but people around him usually think that he is trying too hard to be edgy sometimes lol
Idia – he swears, and it's not really a big deal to him. People who act all insulted when you use a no-no word are funny to him, especially when they are super self-righteous about it. He thinks that censorship is stupid, and keeping kids away from curse words is also stupid. No one really swears back at his home though, so it's the Internet that made Idia start cursing. He knows a lot of words that people rarely use, but they’re used on certain /boards/… you know, typical Idia behavior. He doesn’t like dirty jokes though: poop jokes are stupid and gross, dick jokes are too dick-obsessed, sex jokes are too overrated. He is yet to hear a funny one. Do better.
Ortho – he used to have a filter in his "head", just so he doesn't start repeating everything he saw on the Internet. So he used to have a no swear rule technically! And he hated it because he always wanted to say the same words Idia said, and it was very difficult for him to find a roundabout way to do it. But now he doesn’t have this filter anymore and he can curse however he wants! The first time he said the word “fuck” felt like magic. Idia (or anyone else) still can’t get used to Ortho cursing though, it sounds so wrong and weird, so Ortho doesn’t do it too much. Also, ironically, he is the one to tell Idia not to use certain words sometimes because he’s being too mean……. Also, Ortho likes dirty jokes because he feels like this is what cool kids are into, and he is a cool kid! But Idia’s disregard towards them still influences him; so he never says anything himself…
Lilia – he is horrible. I think it’s safe to say that he has the biggest library of curse words in his head, some of which went out of style ages ago, but Lilia still uses them from time to time. Well, these days he tries to be more cute, so sometimes he use cuter versions of his favourite swear words; so technically he would also say stuff like “fudge brownies” lol He sounds like a grandpa when he swears, either a sailor grandpa or a cute grumpy grandpa. He is holding back a lot though, no one would survive Lilia’s verbal attack when he’s serious. He loves dirty jokes though! They make him feel young~ Sometimes he goes “boo you’re no fun” because no one else in Diasmonia really likes this type of humour.
Silver – he doesn’t curse. Somehow, being around Lilia or his classmates didn't affect him at all. He knows what these words mean, and it's not like he is avoiding them on purpose, but they just don't stick to him. I guess he is just too pure for this world. He doesn’t  really care about dirty jokes, but when they’re said at someone else’s expense, he would ask not to harass that person. What a knight.
Sebek – he doesn’t curse, and he is extremely righteous about it! Similarly to Riddle, he thinks that people who curse are just swines with low intelligence and no self-control! Lilia is an exception, of course! I think Sebek would actually overload and faint if someone forced him to say a bad word. He curses in other ways, actually, and he thinks that phrases that he chooses are much classier. Like the words “buffoon”… or “swine” of course. Oh, and he absolutely loathes dirty jokes. Like, he would get visibly angry when he hears them.
Malleus – one day when he was younger he felt a little rebellious and dropped a no-no word on Lilia. He still remembers Lilia’s shocked face, it was priceless. Still, Malleus never curses; those words just aren’t in his vocabulary, despite the fact that Lilia is pretty comfortable swearing in front of him. Maybe the time has come for him to shock Lilia again…which word should he choose? Also yeah, no surprises here, he doesn’t like dirty jokes at all. Whenever he hears them, he feels like a teenage sister sitting at her 7 y.o. brother’s birthday while he is telling poop jokes to his friends of the same age. Out of place, awkward, a little grossed out. Sexual jokes are a bit better, but it has to be an extremely classy one said by someone he really really really likes, or he just won’t get it and get mad instead.
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icepoptroll · 3 months
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@june-doe-2024 day 26: Minor/Cut Characters
Buckle up friends because I am absolutely obsessed with these guys so I went kind of hog wild. Apeshit, if you will. Giant cut characters art dump under the cut.
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I just think Trishna, Ricky and Constance would be friends in that they're three of the literal nicest people ever
"Jesus, how was *I* supposed to know his mama died horribly???" Yeeeeaaah I think Corey likes yo mama jokes, Mischa not so much. They'd eventually become friends tho lmao
Ok yes I know Trishna and Astrid were never Actually canonically in the same run together but THEY'RE JUST SO CUTE!!!! I need this shy sweet nerdy girl to be loved by this rough-and-tumble bad girl! This scene is actually one from a fic that my buddy @cyanidearctic has been working on as of late and I just had to draw it for this prompt
Tammy wearing a chapel veil to mass or anything church related really is Real but that's just my humble onion
I'm so sorry but I could Not resist using one of Timmy and Jimmy's "able-bodied people" jokes from South Park because that's a Hank and Ricky kinda beat and you guys gotta know by now that I'm chock full of comedic cartoon references
I read on the wiki that Corey and Hank are best friends and like???? There's really not much canon to go off of for them but Hank from what I gather is this romantic lover boy and Corey is a lot more rough around the edges? Anyway I get very unlikely friends vibes from them and I love imagining this big intimidating guy hulking over to Hank and Hank thinks he's about to get his ass beat but really Corey's just coming to him for help with picking up chicks seeing as Hank has not one but TWO girlfriends. I really like to think that that's how they became best bros
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currently-evil · 1 year
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I am a true believer that medicated Andrew made lots of orphan jokes. Just imagine Andrew telling foxes something like this:
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan? At least someone chose Pikachu!
Why are Orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mama.
I’d like to think most of the time its self deprecating, self roasting humor that he let out because his medication filled mind liked awkward side glances Foxes gave him, but also imagine him saying:
Why should all orphanages be built next to a cemetery? So the kids can still see their parents.
Fully knowing there is Aaron behind, Aaron who knows Andrew killed their mother, Andrew who made them orphans. I can imagine him standing there staring at Andrew like:
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How angry would the toys be at a yo mama joke
Angel has to physically stop them from inventing a new hate crime the second a random kid pulls that joke on them. Yes, even Dogday gets annoyed at that if it's a random person just pulling that on them. Everyone has the same "THAT'S MY MOTHER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT" type of reaction. If it's another toy pulling that joke, then the reactions vary - one of the cat-bees pulled that joke on Mommy Long Legs and all she said was "my mother is also your mother". After that no one does that joke anymore.
What the toys do, however, is say "that's why Angel/mom/dad hates you", or any variation of that. "That's why mom always puts you in timeout", "that's why dad looks at you in embarassment", "that's why it took so long for Angel to rescue you". Oh, they ALWAYS pull out their time back at Playtime during arguments, esp if it involves Angel. One time Catnap and Mommy Long Legs were arguing and Dogday was SO done with them he said "that's why Angel had to put so much effort into stopping you two from killing yourselves back at Playtime".
Lots of love in Angel's house.
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crimsonedquill · 1 year
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How they swear (Hogwarts Legacy)
OR: R-rated Hogwarts Legacy
Was in a goofy mood, penned this down at 2am. I shall take no further questions at this time.
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Poppy Sweeting 🦡
Is the literal embodiment of small size, big (potty) mouth
She doesn’t swear a lot, but when she does, she’ll rip you a new one in an instant
“Keep my Kneazle’s name out of your fucking mouth, you certified twatwaffle” *bitchslaps*
Ominis Gaunt 🐍
He practically elevates cussing to an art form in itself
“You breathe a word of this place to anyone, you precious fucking cunt, and not even your dear Professor Fig will be able to save you because I will simultaneously Evanesco your kneecaps, do you understand?”
A bonus for when he catches you in the Feldcroft tomb: “Sebastian, cease this fuckery this instant.”
Natsai Onai 🦁
For some reason she has an odd fondness of yo mama jokes ever since she learned about them
“Your mother is so fat that she needs Levioso to get around” “Your mother is so poor that house-elves give her socks” “Your mother is so ugly that a mountain troll asked to marry her” You get the gist.
You’d teach her more swear words so she’s able to spice it up a little, but honestly, most of the time you’re too busy laughing your ass off.
Sebastian Sallow 🐍
Thinks the f-bomb is uniquely suited to any situation, particularly when he’s on a rant again
Fucking scriptorium this, fucking dark artefact that. Sometimes you wonder if he’s ever learned to speak. fucking. English.
Honestly, you’re kind of glad it doesn’t work with spells. You know for a fact that he would go “Avada fucking Kedavra” all over the place if he could.
Imelda Reyes 🐍
Beware of the Scottish queen of sass.
She’s got amazing vocal range. Really. On her bad days, it’s not uncommon to hear her yelling on the Quidditch field all the way in the castle.
Is always in the mood to offer some helpful suggestions as to where you can stick your broom.
Amit Thakkar 🦅
He has vowed to never swear again after he accidentally blurted out “cocksucker” during Astronomy, precisely when Professor Shah passed behind him. Please do not remind him of this ever again.
Anne Sallow 🐍
She doesn’t swear on a regular basis, but her condition makes it quite difficult to contain herself when she’s struck with a bout of pain again
It’s sad, of course, but you have to admit it’s kind of funny having the peaceful atmosphere in Feldcroft continuously interrupted by chants of “bitch” and “motherfucker”
Garreth Weasley 🦁
Honestly, he’s kind of tame when it comes to it. Professor Sharp tends to give him detention every time he uses profanity in class, so he’s kind of taken to uttering non-offensive words whenever one of his concoctions explodes.
“Corn nuts! Bull spit! Mother fathers! Crappity!” (And, of course, every conceivable body part of Merlin)
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