#loving something doesn't make it easier

[cliowo]

It's only years later when you realise being locked in a car on Christmas feels the same as coming home to a dining table with frozen food. And maybe you switch on the lights and put on music and scented candles; maybe you heat up the food and hum along to the tune. But it's still just you and this empty apartment that you love and maybe secretly hate but it's still home and you try to be grateful.

You really do.

Living in a shoebox is better than living under a bridge and you're healthy and what else can one ask for, really. And sure, maybe it's not the sort of home you could invite friends over with its mismatched furniture and fraying rugs, but it's yours and you fought to keep it - you have to love it, it's yours. The food is warm now and even tastes better than it looks, which is nice! Great, even.

But you're still thinking of that night they forgot and left you in the car with only the fairy lights for company. You remember wondering if it would still feel this way if you could somehow survive swallowing them in handfuls. Stomach and heart satiated, at last. Would it still feel this way? Would falling through the cracks feel less like being abandoned and more like something you choose?

[licorishh]

double ?? upload ???? yeaaaahh i've gotten FASTERRrr for whatever that's worth so complementary blyla because guess what i miss them too (nobody was surprised by that)

[lightgamble]

DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN | 1.09

You couldn't call me?

[mel-loly]

-POV: You had to change your bio and put only the pronoun “he/him” because you don’t like people calling you “she/her” all the time.

No, but being very honest now, I honestly don't like people always taking me to the "feminine" side, like, I know I look very feminine but that doesn't mean people have to always refer to myself with the pronoun "she/her".. I can draw myself with breasts, eyelashes and whatever you consider "feminine", but it doesn't mean anything that I like you always referring to me with that pronoun! And people also often get Mel Creator's pronoun wrong, like, in my situation I understand, but in his... The description itself says that he only refers to himself with the pronoun "he/him", so.. It's kinda difficult, you know..?

-Melissa, designer.

[sp-growingpains]

i saw yours tags in that stan post about alcoholism and i have to agree as someone who not only has family that are such, but also had friends that were as well. it’s scary. there have been times where i was scared of both those family members and friends. and to see stan’s being treated as a way for “angst” breaks my heart. he obviously uses it to cope because he has no other outlet, no other ways of dealing with stress and it sucks. also addictive personalities are a REAL THING and can be 100% serious if not treated, which is 90% what stan has as well…i wish this fandom would take that seriously. i really do. because it can end badly for him and offers if not taken as such. which is why i want to see more of stan recovering. taking the time to do so. be proud of it. that feels so much more rewarding to me! ( btw, i’m happy you managed to get help, you’re going to do great <3 )

TW: ALCOHOLISM, SEXUAL ASSAULT, MENTAL HEALTH - Once again, do not read further if you're not okay or you don't have the mental health for it! Okay?

Forgive me now if all my points don't come across correctly or if it feels like I'm rambling? For something like this, I should have written it out, proof read it, and then edited it. But it's all off the hip and a collection of thoughts I've had since I've gotten it.

We good? Okay...let's go!

Hey friend. I have not been ignoring this ask! I kinda wanted to hoard it like a little goblin in my inbox because, honestly? I am so very touched by it.

It is things like this that make me want to continue to talk about it. Trigger warnings are important for things like this, but it's also so very important to talk about it. When you it out there like this, people connect and come together.

And ya know? If it takes these little cartoon assholes to do it. That's fine. Do what works for you and brings you closer to other people.

Because really you know what saved me? Community.

It was other people. It was my therapist. It was a group of individuals who were fighting the same battle - or had. It was my friends and people who loved me.

It was shit like this. Things that got me out of my head! Obsession and addiction is a real thing and like all things in the world, moderation.

You can do it. You can learn discipline. You can move forward. You can overcome it and be better.

The scary thing about alcoholism is that most of the time, its a different experience for each person. It didn't start out as a problem for me. It started off as a few beers with some friends. Then it turned into a few beers every Friday and that started the slippery slope into drinking every weekend.

It's not always falling over yourself, throwing up on yourself, blacking out. I wanna make that clear. Mine was. Mine was also spending money I didn't have - money I could have put away for today.

When Stan was using it as a way to get out of his head and get through the day, that was one of the rare moments I felt heard. And it kinda scared me. I love that episode, but I struggle to get through it because it hits close. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!

It's the end of the episode that one no one talks about! How he realized that he didn't need it to get through life! That people around him helped him get out of it! That experiencing new things in life and focusing up on hobbies helped him see color again. Life is scary. It's sometimes very lonely. It's hard.

I've seen some people talk about how Kyle was a horrible friend in that episode. Just like in Raisins when Stan was going through it. Just like in Guitar Queer-o when they had their fight. Once more into Freemium isn't free.

Look, in my opinion, that's the scariest fucking thing about addiction. I fully believe, from the bottom of my heart, no one is beyond saving from that. But those are MY ideals! There may be people who are just like me and feel the same. I would do anything for my best friend, and the people around me.

But you know what? I don't fucking blame Kyle or Stan for the outcome of those episodes. Because it's not Kyle's job to "fix" his best friend. In every episode, he does try! He tries to be a friend, and I'm gonna give Kyle some major props here, he calls him out on it!

When I was still an alcoholic, no one called me out for it. Why would they? They didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. They saw Ashe as this goofball who could pound back a bottle of whiskey and be "fine" the next day. They didn't know I was already thinking about my next drink and how amazing that felt, despite the splitting headache.

I liked me better when I drank. I liked the Ashe that I was. She was loose. He was funny. They weren't caught up in the fear of saying stupid and not being able to recover from it.

But I hated who I was the next day. I hated that I didn't take my life seriously. That I felt like no one would like me if I wasn't putting away as many cans of beer as possible.

That's incredibly sad and lonely. It felt like the only person who understood me was the bottle, and that wasn't the case. I just couldn't see it, and neither could the people I still call my best friends or my ex-fiancé.

I wish I had a Kyle then. Maybe things would have gotten better faster. I don't know.

I have heard so many real stories from other people. Lived it through watching family. It runs on both sides of my family, and because of that, I was able to come out the other side better. Like I said earlier, it's different for everyone. That's what makes people so wonderful. So fantastic.

No, the fact that we suffer or struggle - but who we are after. Your experience is not mine. I can sympathize. I can relate. But I'm not you.

So I tell my story. I talk about these portrayals in media. I try to be careful with my writing and my art because of it. Because if it changes just one person, it it helps just ONE individual; then I've done my job.

You gotta walk to get better. If you can't walk; you crawl. And if you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you.

Because you wanna know something that's so heart warming from that stupid fucking show about dicks and butts? Is that Kyle and Stan are always friends again. Kyle always welcomes Stan back. Stan learns more about his mental health, he learns how to regulate these desires! That's wonderful! That's so fucking wonderful.

I want that. I want to bring a media or a platform where people can feel that way too! I wanna be there for you, welcoming you back! I want a day where you can come out of any situation, having learned and become better for it. That you have a home, someone you feel safe with, and that you're alive!

Anon; I'm proud of you too! I am so very proud of you! You don't have to respond just please, please keep going. I know it's scary living through it, experiencing it, being around it.

Let me make this perfectly clear again. Those ideals and the way I feel are MINE. You owe nothing to people who hurt you. Nothing to people who would use this substance to harm and do unspeakable things! At the end of the day, you gotta live with you. Protect yourself, love yourself, and surround yourself with those who want to live with you, too!

I have been on the other end of a man who liked whiskey and four year olds a little too much. I have been on the other end of a mother who would rather spend her money on vodka and cigarettes instead of worrying about feeding her children. I have been on the other of the very real slippery slope of addiction. I walk on the other side of PTSD, Depression, Mania, and being Bi-Polar.

They do not define you. They are you, sure. But that is not all you are.

Your past with alcohol, your present with alcohol, your future with alcohol - that is not all you are. You are so many different shades of blues. And I love you.

[indooroutdoorboyfriend]

it's Harassing You o'clock so i am gonna discuss my oc some more in the tags

[rosemaryreality]

Look, I know we Megumi fans hate jjk reddit for their lack of media literacy, empathy and habit of calling someone a fraud for the most stupid reasons.

That being said:

You can't tell me this two aren't cooking with that itafushi angst. Idk about Megumi starting the merger but the evil part of me is really into the Romeo and Juliet thing of him seeing Yuuji "dead" (whether for real or not) and then killing himself.

Not sure if i would like it for canon but i do like to think of the scenario.

[arttsuka]

"Awwww my bl mind 🙈" girl go touch some grass because wth

[i3utterflyeffect]

I think I sent an ask about this a while ago but, with Amensia!Alan how funny and cute would it be if the CG were trying to reenact certain memories they had with Alan, but it just doesn't work. So they take a break and just go do something silly, build battle, play-fighting, whatever. And THAT'S when Alan remembered something, no deliberate plan to get him to remember just the CG being themselves and messing around.

YEAH... trying to recover his memories by reenacting things just stresses him out really, but just spending time with them comes perfectly easy to him. when they realize that just spending time with him is the best way to do it, it's kind of a relief--

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[starryarles]

retroactive jealousy i hate u !!!

[sysig]

Incomplete exchange (Patreon)

[punch-love]

hello !! i hope you are well !! ive been curious about something for a tiny bit now, with works like Love Punch that you don’t have quite the same spark for, how does it feel immediately after uploading a chapter? is it like submitting homework? do you feel more energized or tired? do you wait for comments or just put everything down and go do something else?

I was just talking about this with a friend. I don't think uploading any piece of work feels like submitting homework. It's always exhilarating to put something out there that you've worked hard on. I think....it's not as fun to work on something that you don't have quite the same spark for, but the act of sharing it always going to be really fun for me. I know that my readers have to wait months between updates so the first flood of "I was so excited to read this after work!" or "I can't believe this updated!" comments is always so heartwarming. Just because I don't enjoy writing it as much as I used to, my initial feelings toward the reception of it is always going to be very positive.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a writer who isn't anxiously checking their in-box for new comments to see how someone receives something they've worked so hard on. That being said, I absolutely dread getting new comments on OLD chapters. I feel like the patience I had with bad takes or "update when?" (which was nearly non-existence already lol) now makes me occasionally considering comment locking it until it updates. I don't care what people have to say on them anymore unless what they have to say is interesting or thoughtful. I also mostly get the same "this was so good. update this immediately." and it drives me up the wall + makes me want to work on it less. Seriously. If you want someone to do the opposite of what you want, comment ‘update when’ and see what happens.

Here's the thing though - positive attention is a drug like nothing else. It doesn't matter where it comes from or how you get it, if I worked hard on something that I think is good and people are engaging with it I'm pretty happy no matter how much of a spark I have. The actual process of writing is significantly more difficult now that I have less interest (it is very hard to write a romance when you're like I don't know if these people should be together. actually - uh - ) and it does feel like the boulder I have chained myself to until I roll it up fourteen more hills but -

The day I upload is always going to be serotonin city. I prepared this stupidly difficult and purposefully delicious meal for you I am so excited to hear how much you enjoyed it.

[orcelito]

Dear fucking God

So I've been dreaming more about my most recent ex lately (likely bc we started dating around this time last year), which is frustrating me Immensely. So I decided, Fuck it, I'd try to join a dating app after all. At least to try see.

Tried looking into what app to use, and it seems like it's an entire goddamn cesspool of bots and disgustingly expensive subscription services. Nothing is rated well. What's rated better is reviewed elsewhere to just be full of hot air. Tinder seems to be mostly for hookups, not interested. Her sounds nice for some, but I'd be uncomfortable there as a nonbinary person. Hinge and Bumble seem to be viewed generally badly too. And it all leads back to OkCupid, which sounds nice In Theory with the selection options, but a lot of people are saying it's gone to the fuckin dumps. But it seems like *everything* is a fucking cesspool, so if something is even a Little bit useful, then maybe it's still worth a try.

So I said fuck it. Let's try OkCupid. Downloaded, started trying to sign up.... and then I get an error message saying it can't create the account????

Like ok. Fuck me I guess. This was a stupid idea anyways.

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Theyre going to think I like canon and purely canon if I keep going on like this