#man. I don’t like this job. I don’t get paid nearly enough to deal w the customers let alone those coworkers

[brimk-personal]

Gotta remember that coworkers are not your friends 🙃

[agendabymooner]

colour me your colour || toto w. x ofc (4)

Summary:  Tilly Marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. Everyone but one. And it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. Who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?

Chapter summary: Can you actually fall in love fast? or is Tilly just fortunate enough to catch Toto's attention and gain his respect and determination in span of a day? As of this point, she might as well host a slumber party as Daniel and Lewis continue to pester her with the most important topics of her life right now: her family and the hypothetical ones she'd make with Toto.

Content warning: Age gap, brief use of explicit language, discusses the 2014 austrian gp, flirtatious banter, mutual pining kind of romance, platonic relationship with Lewis Hamilton and Daniel Ricciardo, fictional family and business involved (Hearth family and Hearth Automotives Group). NO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVED SORRY

Note: Thank you all so much for the 50 followers! I honestly have been writing these just because I didn't have anything occupy my time and it's a good idea that I posted them up here. knowing that you're enjoying my brain's ideas, it fuels me even more into writing. As of this point I'm currently writing a spin-off for Rush and this series so keep an eye out, I suppose. I hope you all enjoyed today's race because I certainly did (Albon was way too fucking good this weekend, I shit you not). And I hope Alonso's 2nd place makes up for the Father's Day that I'll never get to spend with him. Enjoy xx

masterlist

iv. fast lane but not the race weekend kind

“Regards,

Tilly Marie F. Hearth…”

That should be okay, I tell myself silently as I put away my laptop. It’s only 6 pm, and I already wish to retire to my bed early. 

I can be doing a lot, but instead I’m moping inside my hotel room while I’m waiting for Lewis. Being on a paid vacation is nice; I don’t have to do anything and deal with people. But at the same time, I’m craving more tasks to occupy my time because truthfully, I do NOT want to be stuck in a hotel in Silverstone with nothing to do. I spent my early 20’s being away from people, but now I’m entering my early 30’s, I’m slowly thinking that I probably should’ve done more than attend festivals by myself or with my sisters.

None of the people I was around with earlier had looked my way until after they'd been told that I was working in communications and was a boss’ child. The staff from the other teams also did the same—but some of them knew who I was already and had already made themselves comfortable. Just how I wanted.

But then again, this is my first day. And Sunday would probably be my last considering that I’ll be back to my stuffy office the next week. 

I can take up the role as a consultant for communications. My father did offer me that role for Ferrari, Red Bull and McLaren—telling me that I can do so much more in Formula One than my no-good employers. 

Bunch of bullshit, I curse out. He wouldn’t let go of his legacy like that. 

I already told him about writing for magazines or simply writing in general, but he still placed these executive positions in front of me as if he knew I’d give in. Sad fact is that he actually is right; I’m close to giving up on my job. If The Devil Wears Prada didn’t warn me the first time, Lauren Weisberger should have at least taken both of my shoulders and shaken them. 

It didn’t hurt to think about balancing Formula One and journalism out. After all, it’s what I can do as a journalist—know enough about racing and engines and ensure that my knowledge is being shared through my writing and published works. 

I try my best to relax in my bed, lying flat on the mattress with my hands resting on my stomach. The silence is deafening and I can hear my steady breathing. My eyes are growing tired as they continue to look up at the ceiling of my room. 

For a moment, I debated whether or not I should come downstairs for dinner with Lewis. If there’s anything that I know about him, he takes his dear time to get ready—and I have an endless closet at home. That’s telling you a lot. 

A knock on my door makes me stand fast and rush to open it. Daniel Ricciardo stands there with a grin.

“Oh you,” I blurt out.

Displeased with my response, Daniel cries out, “I’m not terrible all the time, Tils.” 

“Sorry,” I shake my head as I correct myself, “I meant that I thought you were Lewis.”

“He phoned me and said we should head down instead of waiting for him,” he shrugs as he sticks his arm out and offers, “let’s go?” 

I nod and head to where my flats are, slipping them on with ease as I grab my keycard and wallet. 

Daniel only pulled his arm back when I wrapped my arm around it. We descend to the ground floor where the restaurant is located. 

A host takes us to a four table seat at a corner. Seeing familiar faces from the venue, I nod at them as a greeting before I find myself sitting across Daniel. 

Soon enough, Lewis arrives and we begin to talk about today’s events. Forty five minutes had passed, and we found ourselves conversing in front of our already empty plates. 

Daniel asks about my family and all I can tell him has something to do with my mother’s side of the family. I guess out of the wealthy people in my family, I can understand my mother’s connections to the automobile industry. My toxic trait is that I despise my father but love my mother.

The difference is that my mother loves us more than anything and cares for our half-sister more than he does. 

But it seems Daniel has focused on a different matter.

“Your mother is— you’re a Ford, Tils,” his eyes widen like an owl as his mouth gapes open. I can practically see a fly entering his mouth. 

“My mum is,” I laugh, looking at Lewis as he, too, laughs at Daniel’s shocked expression. 

“Mate, she’s a Ford,” Daniel reaches out to nudge at Lewis and gestures at me. “You carry that information around just like that?” 

“She’s not really putting it out there for everyone to know,” Lewis chuckles, sipping on his water as he puts it down. “Besides, if you were really into racing you probably have heard about her dad or mum’s family one way or another.”

“I don’t really go digging for information about old money families,” Daniel rolls his eyes as he looks at me again, “you don’t look like you’re happy to be here. For someone who came from families who are into cars.”

“My father insisted on having me work for his teams,” I tell him, “I’m not exactly the brightest for motorsport. I prefer the media more than what my father wishes me to pursue.”

“Have you raced before?” 

“I had a karting career at some point,” I shrug, “or at least I started at the age 4. Mum didn’t agree with it and I should’ve started at 7, but my father insisted. I was already competing by 7. My sisters were too, but some preferred equestrian over racing.”

“If my dad was a twat, I’d stop it just to spite him too,” Daniel says as I raise my brows at the statement. He then corrects himself, “What I mean is I’d pursue the karting career for me, not for him.”

“Gotcha.”

Lewis pipes up, “Blanche is a pretty decent woman. You should see her, mate.” He turns to look at me and asks, “Is she coming this weekend?” 

“With Aimee and Sylvie,” I nod in confirmation, “I’m not quite sure about Stevie yet but she wouldn’t want to miss out on your home race.” Not elaborating any further, I return to the topic, “My father is absolutely baffled when I quit karting but he can’t do much because Poppy, my mum’s dad, was still alive. So between him and Poppy, he chose not to interfere.” 

“But you’re still here on behalf of your father though,” Daniel points out.

“It’s to secure my position and family’s future,” I tell him with a sigh. I look at him then back at Lewis before I say, “Whether I like it or not, I still need to do my part regardless of how much I hate the surname. It’s an obligation that I can’t avoid but it’s alright. It’s not just for me— it’s for my sisters and my future children.” Wow, I’ve only been friends with Daniel for a month and I’m already airing out my dirty laundry to him. Is this what happens when your friends are your sisters and just Lewis?

“You’re taking your elder sister role way too seriously. You can’t even catch a break,” Daniel says incredulously. 

I can only nod as I agree; my mother’s capable enough of worrying about them and I should just be doing whatever I want. She cares for my sisters as much as I do but being cut off from my father’s side of the family isn’t something that I’d allow. 

It’s not as if my sisters don’t want to join me at the trackside; they want to keep an eye on one of each team in fact. They want to be able to know what kind of thing our father brags about. But much like me, they don’t want to be on the track itself—they’re better off being models because that's what they wanted to be. They’ll join me soon enough, they just need to make a career out of modelling and come to work for the driving teams whenever they’re ready. 

“They’ll be in a lot of magazines soon enough,” I shrug nonchalantly. “I’d like them to do that first unless they feel like carrying a headache coming from either Brown or Horner.”

“There are three of them,” Lewis chuckles, “if anything, those three would outnumber your team principals. With you alone I got scared, could you imagine Sylvie? She’s feisty.” 

“It’s not just to keep them sane,” I roll my eyes, my foot underneath the table kicking Lewis in the leg. The table shakes lightly. “I just started working in this kind of industry. What kind of a big sister would I be if I’m just as clueless? I need to know more, especially if I want to be able to teach my potential kids about it.”

Lewis, the piece of shit, decides that this is the right time to joke about it and say, “I didn’t know you’re already thinking about a future with my boss, Tilly.” 

I snap my head to Lewis’ direction too much that I’m thinking I just got a whiplash. My glare hardens when Danny and Lewis’ faces turn red from laughing too much. 

“You ought to quiet down, boys,” I hiss, not wanting to look at the people who are giving us the unnecessary attention being gathered by their laughter.

“You have to admit,” Lewis breathes deeply to refrain from laughing again, “you two got along well. Was it because of Dubai?” 

“I told you that in confidence,” reaching down in his thigh, I pinch it as he whines quietly. He slaps my hand away as I say, “You’re a shit secret keeper.”

“Wai— what about Dubai?” Daniel, clearly not understanding what’s going on, asks as he looks at me while he expects a context. 

I muttered to him, “Met Toto Wolff in 2006. Spoke to him and all that.” 

Lewis nearly cries in laughter as he speaks, “She told me about it years ago. She never knew his name–or she refused to tell me who. She said he was attractive alright but—ow, stop it, Tils.”

I pull myself away from Lewis and sit back straight on my seat as I claim, “He doesn’t remember nor think of me like that, Lew. He’s just a silly crush.” 

“Is he?” 

“He was,” I correct him even if I’m wrong. It’s like Toto Wolff got an on-and-off button in my life. One moment he’s there making me blush the next thing he’s already gone. 

“You’ve been single for as long as I know,” Lewis huffs out, “why don’t you try dating again anyways?”

“With your boss?” I raise a brow, “Are you that obtuse?”

“What? He isn’t bad,” Lewis shrugs, returning to his usual composure as he crosses his arms, “the opportunity’s right there. Why are you adamant on not taking it?”

“Because she doesn’t want to get on Christian’s bad side for fraternizing with the enemy,” Daniel jokes. 

“I’m gonna kill you, Daniel,” I threaten him emptily, making him giggle again. 

“I’m repeating what you said!” He cries out, still laughing as he laughs obnoxiously. Men! Seriously.

“He’s quite interested you know,” Lewis states, his arms now crossing as he leaned against his seat. “He’s playing 20 questions with me whenever you leave. I’m not sure if he’s interested in me winning or you.” 

“He’s not interested like that,” I insist, “I’m sure he means well because I just popped up all of the sudden today. Nobody likes to step on the wrong foot of a newcomer. You’ll just make an enemy.”

“Yeah, sure,” Daniel scoffs haughtily, “the guy who’s been asking Christian questions about you left and right— the same person who doesn’t like Christian— isn’t interested.” 

“I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since 2004,” I scowl, trying to keep my voice quiet as I say, “What makes you think I’ll be able to have an interesting relationship with him?” 

“He isn’t subtle about wanting to spend time with you,” Lewis answers, “what did he say again? You’re welcome to be in our paddock anytime? Does that ring a bell?”

Of course I do, I almost huff out, it’s one of the things that I intend to do. Be able to spend enough time admiring his team…

“I know men,” Daniel adds, “and with the way of how he’s looking down at you during the interview? With the heart eyes making contact with another pair of heart eyes? Yeah, that man is in loooove~”

“Like it’s a fast lane.”

Now I can’t deny it. 

I like being around Toto Wolff, more than anything. Speaking to him is like a breath of fresh air after stepping out of a cigar lounge. He’s a gentleman; I’ve always wondered how he’s not married. Women deserve him. Yet he’s here, being the most eligible bachelor in the grid following Fernando Alonso. God, I will snatch him up if I can even meet his level. I doubt he likes his women like me… trashy trying to be classy.

But it turns out, my cynicism is unnecessary. I find myself thinking a lot about the things that could be. In an empty elevator, I wait as it slowly closes. But the call from outside forces me to keep the door open until the person catches up. 

The man makes it inside as he stands tall, trying to catch his breath. There’s no way in hell—

“Tilly,” oh my god. I’m seeing too much of him today. 

I turn to my left as I dumbly ask, “Bonjour, what floor?” 

Toto looks at me with confusion in his face, probably wondering if I’m playing stupid or just stupid in general as he looks past me and says, “You’ve got it.” 

Wow, not only am I seeing too much of him, I’m also on the same floor as him. 

I nod and look back at the front, I can see him through the reflection from the doors. His polo remains unbuttoned and his hair unruly after running his fingers through it. I can see traces of sweat dripping down his forehead. I probably shouldn’t do a physical examination on him.

I look at him and ask politely, “Have you had dinner yet?” It’s a polite thing to ask, right? Like I’m not coming off as desperate to speak to him?

“Ah,” he keeps his mouth shut for a second and answers, “it is something to take up in my room, unfortunately.”

“Is it?” I ask out of curiosity, “You could have joined others for dinner?” 

“Busy, as always,” he smiles sadly, “it’s an endless battle.”

“Quite a shame,” I tell him with a shake of my head. “Do people know time zones or just business hours or is it just something written on papers?” I ask no one in particular.

“My brain doesn’t shut off the moment 7 pm hits,” he tells me with a rueful smile. “It calls for work all the time. So, no. I don’t follow my own business hours policy.” God, I feel sorry for him. 

“It’s like a wire, Toto,” I nibble on my bottom lip, not knowing how to express my empathy without looking like an arse, “you can’t plug it back in if you’ve something to prevent it from happening. Like a baby proof.” 

“You’re right,” he laughs. “What do you suggest I should do? The baby proof, I mean.”

I watch him as the door slides open, thanking him as he gestures for me to walk out of the lift first. Then my mouth does not stop speaking, “Have a dinner away from your work, for instance. Never hurts to isolate your work once in a while,” he laughs at that, “read a book? I love reading novels— I am currently skimming through Das Parfum. You can even time your break before going back to work because I can assure you that habit isn't good.” 

“Do you understand the German language?” He asks me. Mentioning Das Parfum clearly piqued his curiosity. 

It was smart of me to bring it up. When he told me earlier that he came from Austria, I knew I could talk to him in so many languages. Like I knew what I should say next. Like a mastermind.

I'm such a fucking mastermind.

My mouth quirks up and I answer, “Wir haben schließlich viele deutsche fahrer.” We have a lot of German drivers, after all.

He nods at me like he listens to everything I tell him. As if he’s following an order or he’s rather impressed with my pronunciations. Nice. 

Our conversation leads us in front of my hotel room. 

I look at him and gestures to the door, “This is my bat lair.”

“Bat lair?” He chuckles.

“My little humble abode,” I joke. “I can unfortunately hear my bed calling for me. I have to go.” 

“Right,” he nods as I open my door and step inside my room. Telling myself to get my shit together, I turn around to see him still waiting for me to head in. That was a surprise. 

I suggest, “One way to turn your stressful work day around would be breakfast. If you’d like, you can have one with me tomorrow?” 

“Are you asking me on a breakfast date?” He teases, watching me fall apart with my face flushing red. He stops eventually and answers, “I would be more than happy to accompany you before we head out.” 

“Okay good,” I laugh nervously, “I’ve no one else with me anyways so there’s that… does seven sound okay?” 

“You can ask me for anything I think I’ll say yes, liebling,” boom. There goes my heart once more. He grins gleefully as he says, “I know a place nearby. Would you like me to pick you up tomorrow?” 

“As far as I know I’m the one who asked you first,” I roll my eyes in a joking manner, smile escaping my lips. 

“I’d love to have you pick me up but I know the place,” he tells me with a shrug. “Besides, it’s by the tracks. We can head down there together before they start piling up for the day.” 

Not wanting to fluster myself anymore, I nod almost eagerly and he exclaims, “I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Have a good night, bello. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, schatz. Sweet dreams.”

Oh I really am going to have the sweetest dreams ever. Trust me. 

[dollslayer]

By Its Cover

Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU

Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?

W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)

Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!

Main Masterlist

You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.

You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.

You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.

You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.

You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.

“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.

“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.

“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained

“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.

You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.

____

Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.

Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.

Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.

It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.

That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.

Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.

And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.

Take it slow, he reminded himself.

____

Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.

You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.

Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.

You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.

You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.

“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.

“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”

Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.

“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”

You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.

You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.

Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.

“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?

“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.

“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.

You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?

“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”

“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.

Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.

“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile

You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.

“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”

With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.

____

“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?

He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.

Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.

Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.

Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.

“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.

“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.

Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.

He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.

He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.

He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.

____

Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.

You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.

You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.

“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”

He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.

He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.

“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”

“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”

“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”

Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.

“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”

“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”

You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.

He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.

“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”

You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.

“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”

“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”

You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.

Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.

“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”

“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.

____

Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.

All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.

The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.

So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.

He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.

On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.

Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.

Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.

Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.

“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.

You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.

“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”

“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.

“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.

“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”

You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.

“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”

Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.

With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.

You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.

____

You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.

You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.

Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.

Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.

Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.

‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’

You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.

Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?

Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.

Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.

The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.

The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.

You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.

You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.

Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.

“Where’ve you been?”

You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.

“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”

“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”

Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.

“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.

Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”

You gave him an easy smile and nodded.

“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.

____

The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.

The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.

Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.

Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.

When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.

____

Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.

Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.

You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.

Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.

‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.

You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.

“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.

You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.

“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”

“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”

Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.

“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.

“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”

You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.

“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”

Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.

You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.

“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”

Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.

____

Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.

Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.

He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.

Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.

Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.

Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.

A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.

‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’

He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.

Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.

“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.

“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”

“Keep moving. Up.”

Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.

“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”

Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.

“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”

That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.

Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

____

You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.

His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.

You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.

Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.

‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.

‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?

‘Sounds good :)’

Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.

You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.

You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.

“What did you want to talk about?”

No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!

So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.

You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.

“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.

You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.

“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?

He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.

“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.

“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.

Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.

He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.

You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.

“I’m close” He panted into your ear.

Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.

“Steve!”

That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.

“That was… oh my god” you breathed.

“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”

“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.

You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?

You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.

“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.

“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.

“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.

Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.

They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...

1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

[asrogyptinc]

I made what I imagined would be the Tokka fanfic “Choices” ending

Hello and welcome. Yes it is I, a not very well known person that likes to write who has decided to take it upon herself to write what I believe the ending of the tokka fanfic would go. It’s quite long, so settle in. This is just for fun! I don't own the previous storyline or characters. I’m also not nearly as talented as @3holmes Hope you all enjoy! 

"Sokka!" Lord Zuko shouted, drawing his and Suki's attention away from each other.

As Zuko and Mai approached the couple with open arms. After a few hugs and shoulder pats, the women returned to their significant other's side.

"It's been too long! I hear a congratulations is in order for you two?" Zuko says, earning a smile from Suki and Sokka.

"Thanks man. And yeah! We're both super excited." Sokka answers, taking hold of Suki's hand with pride.

"I'm happy for you both. Even after your brief fling with Toph, I knew you and Suki would find your way back together like always. Truly fated, don't ya think?" Mai says, but her words stir up tension.

Sokka's grip on Suki's hand falters. "What do you mean? Toph and I have always been best friends, nothing more than that."

Mai's eyes widen slightly. She turns and shares a look of trouble with Zuko before gazing back at the pair.

"Suki would you mind going to get a drink?" Sokka said almost blankly.

Hesitantly, Suki nods and makes her way to the refreshment tables.

Sokka takes a step towards the pair. "What did you mean, Mai?"

Surely this is all one big misunderstanding that will easily be cleared up. Sokka would surely remember if he and his best friend had ever been interested in one another.. right?

Unless...

"The night of our wedding, Sokka. Mai and I both saw you and Toph by the ocean. We lost sight of you two after you hurried for the corridor." Zuko said in a hushed tone, looking over his shoulder to make sure Suki was still gone.

"You do remember that, don't you?" Mai questioned.

No. No that can't be true. Sokka would absolutely remember something like that.

"You must be mistaken. Are you sure it was me?"

They nodded, sharing another look.

"Maybe me and you should go talk somewhere more private." Zuko offered, glancing at Suki's nearing presence.

"I'll talk to Suki and make an excuse. You two go." Mai said, turning to meet Suki half way as the men dispersed to a quiet room.

Sokka was pacing back and forth, raking his fingers through his hair. This wasn't good, because this means the dream..

No. Damnit, no. This means the dream Sokka had been so keen to rule off as missing his Suki, was real. The touching and rough yet gentle handling of his best friend had been reality.

"I thought it was a dream.." Sokka spoke in a broken tone.

"You had your fair share of cactus juice that night. Don't be too hard on yourself." Zuko said awkwardly, trying to console his confused friend.

Sokka shook his head. "No, Zuko, you don't get it."

"Well then talk to me. You need to talk to someone."

Sokka froze in place. Yes, Sokka had been under the influence, but if his foggy memory served him right, Toph hadn't been nearly as inebriated as he was. Possibly not at all.

"I've spent years thinking that event was a dream, but now you say it was real?"

Zuko nodded carefully.

Tears begin to form in Sokka's eyes as the events play in his mind on repeat.

"I was so rough with her." His words sound broken, almost defeated. "I was so convinced that it was a dream that I didn't think to care in the moment. I took it for what it was and did everything based on my drunken thoughts."

Zuko stayed quiet, allowing Sokka to get it all out.

"She never protested though. Never told me to stop or that she was uncomfortable. In fact, she seemed to want it as much as I did, but.. I woke up alone so that confirmed in my mind that I had only just had a very intense dream about my friend."

Why did she never bring it up? Why wouldn't she confront me about it? As he thought harder about it, another disgusting fact came into mind.

"She wasn't even 16 yet." And with those words, Sokka lost it.

He sobbed into his hands thinking about how he possibly ruined her innocence. Was this why she was being so cold to him?

"Sokka.." Zuko tried to interject, but Sokka cut him off.

"She barely lets me touch her now. Not anything weird, but I guess I've only just put the pieces together. Ever since that night she's been so distant towards me. She did such a good job at making it seem normal that I never thought that maybe, I was making her uncomfortable because of that night."

After a long pause of silence, Zuko spoke up again.

"You should talk to her. If you thought it was a dream, then maybe she did too."

Sokka nodded and wiped his face. "Thank you for telling me and talking with me about it. I'm going to find her."

And with that, Sokka left to find answers.

Toph listened to the music that was booming throughout the room as Aang and Katara danced their hearts out. She smiled fondly as the couple, remembering when Aang had been pining for her when they were younger.

Her reminiscing thoughts were cut short when she felt Sokka's rigid presence beside her. His hand clutched her shoulder firmly before turning her to face him.

"We need to talk."

Between his course stance and the urgency behind his voice, she knew something was up.

"Sure, but can it wait until later? Aang and Katara are having their first dan-"

"Now, Toph." Sokka's icy words cut her off and through her into her thoughts.

What was his deal?

"Yeah.. okay. I'll follow you." She answered quietly.

Sokka led her to the room him and Zuko had just occupied, finding it once again empty and far enough away from the party that no one should come stumbling in on this conversation.

Toph had grown nervous and impatient at Sokka. What was so urgent that it couldn't have waited until after their friend's ceremony?

"Sokka what the hell is up with you?" Toph snaps, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Do you remember that night?" Sokka asked softly.

Toph went pale. Her heart started beating so hard and fast she could've swore it was going to rip out of her chest. Surely he doesn't remember. Surely se can play this off to find out he meant some other time.

"W-what do you mean?" She asked, stating to shake with fear and worry and anticipation.

This can't be happening right now.

"I think you and I both know what I'm talking about, Toph." Sokka snapped, fed up with her lying already.

Those words, though she doesn't understand why, caused Toph's annoyance to grow heavily. She swirled around to face Sokka with looks ready to kill.

"We are NOT talking about this right now. It's Aang and Katara's wedding. Today isn't about us, it's about them. Drop it." Toph growled, making her way to the door.

Sokka scoffed, "You seemed to feel different about it on Zuko and Mai's wedding day."

Toph's motions halted. Her entire body felt hot. The memory was flowing through her head clearer than day. His hands, body, and warmth. The forbidden words he had spoke and the gasps and grunts. Everything was hitting her like a truck, and it left her unable to move.

"Toph I don't want to argue about this. I jut want to talk, and ask why you never talked to me." Sokka spoke softly, making his way over the the blind girl and reaching for her wrist.

Toph snatched her hand away and spun around to face his direction.

"What is there to talk about, Sokka? You weren't all there and I was foolish. As far as both of us should be concerned, it never happened." She shouted.

This through Sokka off, but stirred his growing anger.

"Are you kidding me Toph? Up until an hour ago I believed that entire situation to be a dream." Sokka shouts back.

"It should have stayed that way. I hoped you didn't remember at all." Toph snapped again, lowering her head.

"But you did. This entire time I've been talking about Suki and getting married and you didn't once think to tell me?"

"What difference would it make? It was clearly a mistake. I wanted to just forget about it and move on." Toph shouts.

Toph wished Sokka would just drop it and they could rejoin the wedding like nothing happened. She never dreamed of having this talk with him.

Sokka fell quiet, staring down at Toph who had began to form tears in the clouded seafoam green eyes he had only recently paid such attention to.

"Please Sokka. Just drop it." Begged Toph.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Sokka pushed, reaching for her hand again only to be denied coldly.

"Sokka." Toph warned, feeling the tears leaking down her pale cheeks.

Her mind was now fully clouded by the bittersweet memories. She needed to get the hell out of this room. Toph made a move for the door, but Sokka was quick to catch her, grabbing her wrists and spinning her around to then pin her against the door lightly. She struggled to get away from him, but Sokka's grip was relentless.

"Damnit, Sokka! Let me go!" Toph shouted, cursing the turning in her stomach of the proximity of them.

"Talk to me!" He pressed.

If this was going to be a fight, he wouldn't easily surrender.

"Stop it!" Toph shouted, still fighting his grip.

This position was an unkind reminder of what they were fighting about. She remembered how safe she felt with him. How loved she felt in those moments.

"Sokka, just give up."

"No, Toph. Talk to me. You weren't even a fifth as intoxicated as I was and you made moves too."

Toph squeezed her eyes shut. Just drop it, Sokka. Please just let it disappear.

"What happened, Toph? You should have stopped me, but you didn't. You let it go on and on."

She stopped fighting and stayed quiet, because what happens when it's talked about? Nothing. Absolutely nothing will change, and maybe that's why she's so reluctant. Toph shook the thought from her mind. Sokka is her best friend. She shouldn't want anything to change. He's happy.

"Why wouldn't you tell me to stop? Why would you let me take advantage of you?"

That last question snapped Toph from her thoughts. "You didn't take advantage of me. I-"

She stopped short, fearful of what she may admit. Sokka's eyes widened with realization, and his grip loosened barely on her writsts.

"You.. You didn't want me to stop?" Sokka asked quietly, sounding slightly bewildered.

Toph stayed silent as more tears fell down her cheeks and off her chin. This can't be happening right now.

"Toph?" Sokka beckoned for a response but fell short with questions.

He had come to the very bold conclusion that Toph had wanted everything that happened that night. Maybe even more.

Toph was frightened and both metaphorically and physically cornered. As much as she hated this conversation, she knew there was no more avoiding it.

"I fell in love with you a long time ago, Sokka. Even before everything, I had a crush on you for so long. I never opened up because Suki has always been in the picture. As much as I hated it, I wanted you to be happy."

Sokka stood dumbfounded. How could he have been so oblivious?

"I didn't start it, and I could have ended it, but I didn't. I guess deep down I knew it was the only chance I had. I wanted you so bad and had no idea what I was doing. I was foolish and wasn't thinking clearly because the only thing I knew was that in that moment, you wanted me too."

"Is this why you've been so distant?" Sokka asked, staring into her eyes as if she could look back.

"Yes and no." She answered quietly.

"Then why? Because I've been so confused, and it kind of hurts when you act so cold to me."

Toph stayed quiet to gather her thoughts. How does she explain that every time he touches her, all she wants is for that night's events to replay.

"Yes because I knew you didn't remember and I did, but no because... when I'm around you, it's all I can think about. That, and how you're marrying Suki." Toph whispered.

Sokka couldn't think straight with all the new information he had obtained. Not only did him and Toph have this shared memory, but she loved him. He wasn't exactly sure how to process everything.

Taking Sokka's current state as a distraction, Toph broke free from his grasp and took off while tears streamed down her face. All Sokka could do was watch as the earthbending goddess, he had always considered to be his best friend, ran away in hysterics.

Once Toph was sure Sokka hadn't followed her, she removed her shoes and took off towards the door.

"Toph!" Katara shouted, causing Toph to stop and sigh.

"Where are you heading in such a hurry?" Katara asked as she approached the frantic girl.

It was then that she saw Toph had been crying.

"Woah, what happened? Are you okay?" Katara asked with worry lacing her tone.

Toph slowly shook her head. "Sokka knows everything. I'm sorry to put a damper on your's and Aang's day, but I have to go."

Katara nodded, allowing Toph to leave before seeing Sokka round the corner. He was looking for Toph. Katara walked right up to her brother and flicked him on the forehead.

"Ow! Hey, what the hell was that for?" Sokka whined, rubbing the small mark.

"Whatever you did to Toph better be resolved before tomorrow. She left here in tears."

"She left? Do you know where she went?" Sokka asked, hoping to talk more.

"No, and if I were you, I wouldn't go looking for her right now. She's in need of space clearly." Katara snapped. "What happened?"

Sokka sighed. "Did you know? About the night of Zuko and Mai's wedding?"

Katara gasped. "I know something happened but Toph never told me, and she swore she would never bring it up to you. Is that what this is about?"

Sokka pinched the bridge of his nose. The pair was cut off by Aang embracing his newly made bride from behind.

"Am I interrupting something?" Aang asked, noting the tension between the siblings.

"No. I'm going to find Suki. Congratulations again you two."

And with that, Sokka disappeared in the crowd. Except he wouldn't be finding Suki right now. As much as she had a right to know, Sokka needed a minute to think. With that thought, he headed for the nearest door and made his way into the moonlit night.

I fell in love with you a long time ago, Sokka

Toph's worded replayed again and again in his mind. Toph was in love with him, and he never noticed.

He had said those three words that night. That drunken, blissful, passion filled night. He said it twice, and now he was starting to question whether or not he meant it in the way he did then.

Toph had always been his person. The person he told everything to. The person he confided in. The person he had always been so protective of. He thought back on the times he had seen her with another man, and the hate he felt for those men. His constant need to protect her. Wasn't that normal to feel for her? A brotherly love he felt for her?

Everything was so unclear for Sokka. As much as he hated thinking of what he was so sure was a dream, it was all he could think of in this moment. How perfect she seemed in those moments. How much he wanted.. no, needed. How much he needed her. The noises she emitted were only for his ears. No one had ever held or touched her like that before.

Sokka felt like shit. Not only had they done that when he was intoxicated, but he couldn't even remember everything clearly. Damn that cactus juice.

"I feel like such an idiot." Sokka whispered, burying his face in his hands.

The only thing I knew was that in that moment, you wanted me too

She was right. Sokka wanted her as much as she wanted him it seemed, but that didn't make it right. He's with Suki now. He loves her and is devoted to her, but what if he wants Toph too? What if he loves Toph more?

As if on cue, Suki sat beside Sokka and marveled at the view of the moon's reflection on the ocean. She reached for her lovers hand, only for him to retract his hand quickly.

"Are you ready to talk?" Suki asked, never taking her eyes off the ocean.

"About?" Sokka asked quietly.

"You and Toph?"

Sokka went rigid. "There's nothing to talk about."

Suki chuckled and shook her head. "I know you better than that, Sokka."

The young man bit his tongue.

"Mai mentioned a few years ago that she had seen you with Toph on her wedding night. She asked if I knew anything about it."

Sokka grimaced. Everyone knew before him and he didn't know what to say or do.

"That was why I said no before, to marrying you. I didn't bring it up to you thinking that maybe it was just one huge mistake, and I said yes this time thinking it had been taken care of. I thought I had nothing to worry about, but I was wrong, wasn't I?" Suki's words shocked Sokka.

"What? No! Suki, I love you and I want to marry you." Sokka rebuttled, grabbing Suki's hands frightfully.

Suki finally looked at her fiance, and smiled calmly. "But you're in love with her too, aren't you Sokka?"

Sokka retracted his hands slowly and began to fidget. "I don't know."

Suki nodded, reaching behind her neck and removing the necklace Sokka had given her only hours prior.

"Wait, Suki please-"

"Go to her, Sokka. You need to talk to her about how you feel." She says, placing the neckace beside him and rising to her feet. "I'm not mad. I want you to be happy. If your choice ends up being me after you two settle this, I'll be waiting, but you and I both know that's not going to happen."

And just as she had appeared, Suki was gone without another word. Sokka laid back in the snow, looking at the necklace blankly. As much as he hated it, Suki was right.

Sokka had mindlessly fallen for his best friend.

Toph was angry, or maybe just sad or heartbroken. She didn't know. Boulders were flying all over the place, busting against trees and the ground. Her face hadn't dried any since she left, in fact now that she was alone, the tears were coming more furosiously than before.

Stupid night. crash. Stupid love. bang. Stupid-

"Toph? Toph, are you here?"

Sokka. The boulder Toph had ready to throw fell to the ground, crumbling to pieces.

As Sokka rounded the corner, Toph's heart stopped. How had she not felt him approaching? She looked ridiculous, no doubt.

"There you are."

"What do you want?" Toph asked, taking a step away from the approaching presence.

"We need to talk." Sokka stated, but Toph shook her head.

"We already talked."

"No, you talked about how you felt, but we never got to discuss how I felt."

Toph felt her hands shaking as she held back her tears. Why did Sokka have to keep pushing this?

Sokka noticed Toph's hands and unsteady stance. He reached out for her, causing her to flinch. He continued though, taking her hands in his unsure one's.

"Are you okay, Toph?" Sokka asked sincerely, which made Toph's stomach churn.

"Honestly?" Toph asked quietly, earning a nod from Sokka.

"No, I'm not okay. I spent all this time trying to keep this a secret. Trying to push it so far from my mind that I eventually forget, but it's all I see when I think about you, and it's killing me."

Sokka fell quiet again, something he had recently become good at. The reason for her recent actions had been because she had feelings for him that she was never able to express or talk about. Not to him, or Katara, or anyone. She had been left all alone with this memory and those feelings.

Deciding to use the small amount of bravery he had right now, Sokka pulled Toph into a tight embrace, refusing to release her small hands from his. There was no protest this time. Toph knew there was no point, and she had no where else she'd rather be in this moment. She rested her cheek against Sokka chest, listening to his sporadic heart beat nearly as wildly as her's. She was safe with Sokka.

"I'm so sorry for any pain I caused during or after the... encounter." Sokka spoke quietly, squeezing her ever so tighter in remource.

Toph's hands moved from his and grasped his shirt in one fluid motion. She pressed further into his chest as she shook her head.

"No. You didn't hurt me nor do you have anything to apologize for. I really did enjoy every moment of it." Toph countered, never wanting him to feel guilty about one of the most intimate night of her life.

"You were gone before I woke up and played it off like it never happened." Sokka added.

Toph pushed away, stood on her tip toes, and got right in Sokka's face to show her real emotions.

"I was terrified of what you would say when you woke up. I was naked with you on top of me and I was terrified. You thought it was a dream, and never brought it up, so what was I going to wake up to? I didn't want to see the regret and guilt on your face so I left."

Sokka's eyes were wider than the moon. Sure he would be a little confused upon waking up, but did she really think he would look at her in basically disgust? Before all this, Sokka saw Toph's beauty for sure, but the age gap was odd then, and Suki was in the picture. The distant foggy memory was true to him in the sense that he believed Toph looked particularly gorgeous that night, and from then on. He had such an infatuation with her after that 'dream' that left him gawking at her even when other's could clearly see him.

"Toph, I think you're beautiful. I'm just worried because I remember being.. uhm.. a-aggressive and I just, I don't know. I just wanted to make sure I didn't scare you or anything." Sokka said awkwardly.

Toph's cheeks turned bright red.

"Oh uh.. I'm okay. You were, uhm, gentle." She coughed, sweating slightly from embarrassment.

Sokka nodded, and suddenly the pair became very aware of how close they were. Before Toph could react, Sokka swiftly brought his hands up to her hips and held her still in front of him. Toph's knees buckled at the familiar feeling of his hands being on her body.

"You're with Suki." Toph whispered as she lightly pushed at his chest.

"I'm not. She knew before I did. She told me to come here and talk to you and make a decision." Sokka replied.

Toph stopped pushing and arched a playful eyebrow at him. "Make a decision?"

Sokka smirked. "Yeah. Choose which of you I want to be with."

She nods, "And what if I don't want to be with you?"

Sokka chuckled, "Guess Suki gets this necklace back."

The pair had progressively moved closer, smiling softly as they did so. Toph was still freaking out a little. She couldn't decide whether this was smart or not. The other part of her was trying to go for it, but what if this should've stayed a dream?

"Sokka." Toph whispered, hesitance leaking from her voice.

"Yeah?"

What if he backs out? What if Suki is who he ends up with regardless? Sokka could see on her face how uncomfortable she was. He really hoped he hadn't crossed a line.

"Kiss me." Toph finally answered, smile inching on her face.

Sokka really thought he misheard her. Had she really asked him to kiss her?

"Are you sure?" He asked out of respect, but every fiber of his being was begging her to say yes.

Toph leaned in and covered his warm lips with her icy ones. She was still frightened, but it was clear to her that he was the right path when he kissed her and she felt at home. Once he kissed her back, he knew he never wanted to go back.

They melded so well together, as if somehow made for one another. Toph's arms swung around Sokka's neck and his grip on her hips tightened. Her heart was racing and she was hot underneath his touch. Their tongues met wildly. Every move they made was filled with want and need.

Sokka reluctantly pulled away, wishing he could spend the rest of the night like this. "We really should go back to the wedding."

Toph nodded, catching her breath. "Do we go together or?"

Sokka thought for a second. "I don't want to hide you, but I want you to be comfortable."

This earned a smile from the blind girl. Toph moved a hand to gingerly rub his cheek and placed a light kiss to his lips.

"I don't want to hide you either, but I'm kind of worried how people will react. And Suki.." Toph trailed off thinking of how that would play out.

"Hey," Sokka start, leaning into her hand. "Everything is going to be okay."

He took her hand off his cheek and pressed his lips to her fingers. Toph nodded, deciding she isn't going to be scared while Sokka is beside her.

Arriving back to the wedding hand in hand allowed nerves to rise. Toph could feel that she wasn’t the only one that was nervous, but neither wanted to back out. They walked inside just before the final song played. Sokka thanked the spirits they didn't miss this.

"Dance with me." He asked, raising Toph's hand in his own with a smile.

"I already told you, I don't know how to dance." Toph blushed, ready to knock him out should he try to embarrass her.

"Just trust me." He said.

Before she knew it, Sokka had pulled her into the circle of people slow dancing. Toph could feel everyone's eyes on them, even Aang and Katara. Her breathing was beginning to come unsteady, and Sokka immediately noticed. He moved her hands around his neck and took hold of her waist.

Pulling their bodies together, he leaned down to her ear and whispered, "Focus on me."

This pulled Toph from her thoughts, noticing how she was swaying with him. Sokka kissed the side of her head and leaned his cheek against her's.

"I love you, Toph."

Her heart swelled at his words. Hours ago she wanted to get as far away from him as possible and he was thinking of his wedding with Suki, but now?

"I love you too, Sokka."

They were home.

[amusedyan]

Over Your Shoulder

A gift for @yandere-love-love-love (an absolutely awesome writer who produces q u a l i t y yandere content and is super indulgent w/ their followers) who mentioned in a post wanting to see Endeavor purposefully making his secretary uncomfortable.

I’m working on another one from that post, but I do love me some yandere Enji!

TW: sexual harassment,  light stalking, threats of violence, yandere behavior

Special thanks to my friend and mod Kleos for taking a look and giving me feedback on this.

Srsly look at that man- would you want him over your shoulder?

Also, note, while normally I try to keep my insert characters gender neutral, I made this one female just because it worked better with my idea.

When you first got hired, the secretary you were replacing had given you a heads up on her, figurative, way out.

"Do your job and Endeavor will leave you alone."

She'd been leaving to get married, had been working at Endeavor's agency for nearly 10 years. She'd stayed on an extra week to train you (and give you some advice).

The former Ms. Kikuchi had told you how the complicated filing system worked, what numbers he wanted routed to him immediately and which ones to handle on your own. She showed you how to arrange the meetings and who to call for each (and where to find them in the directory she'd compiled for easy access). You learned how he liked his coffee, when he'd prefer tea (and what kind) and his preferred lunch habits.

You'd been overwhelmed but more than appreciative. How could you be anything but? It was your first job at an agency, and you were working for Endeavor! The new Number One! You’d be a fool to be anything but happy for the help, and You made her a "congrats on getting married and thank you for training me to handle this" cake on her last day.

So Ms. Kikuchi had told you how to do your job.

But then on your first day handling things alone Endeavor had appeared at your desk within the hour, sneering down at you through his flaming facial hair.

"I expect my employees to dress professionally." You could feel your face turning red, even through the confusion.

What was wrong with slacks and a nice cardigan?

"I'm sorry sir, but what's wrong with my outfit?"

"This is a professional environment. Because it's your first day, I'll let it go, but I expect you in a skirt or a dress starting tomorrow." He said lowly, and you nodded, trying not to sweat at the heat coming off him. "Am I understood?"

"Yes sir. I'm sorry sir." You said quietly.

Endeavor nodded and returned to his office. You breathed a sigh of relief.

(You had to go shopping after work for skirts and dresses appropriate for work. Plus an extra pair of stockings. You winced at the total but paid anyway.

The next day you came in dressed neatly, feeling vulnerable in the new skirt.

When Endeavor came in he looked at you in passing, took in your outfit and nodded.

You figured that meant you were in the clear)

The next week, on his orders, you brought him lunch from the expensive deli that Kikuchi had said he preferred.

She'd left explicit instructions- he ate one thing from there, and if it wasn't right you would have to deal with it.

"And no one likes it when Endeavor's in a mood," Kikuchi had told you. You could believe that.

(He might be a hero but he wasn't...he made you want to flinch. Eye contact was best avoided. He took all the attention in a room, commanded a presence and smelled like smoke.

But the job paid well)

"What is that?" He said, the moment that you shut the door behind you.

"Your lunch?" You offered, a sinking feeling dropping into you.

"I didn't tell you what to get."

"No, but Ms. Kikuchi left a list of what you like. And since it was the deli, she said-"

"I don't care what she said. Unless I tell you what to get, don’t refer to the list!” He snapped, and you nodded. Endeavor took a deep breath, and you watched the flames on his face flicker and calm.

It was a conscious fight not to tremble as you stood there- if your knees started knocking than you were risking your balance in those ridiculous heels that completed your outfit.

“Leave the food. Don’t do it again.”

“Yes sir.”

(You didn’t call him out on the fact that he hadn’t told you what to get him.

And you didn’t repeat your mistake)

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

You blinked up at him in surprise.

“I’m sorry?”

“A boyfriend? A husband? A sexual partner?” You were blushing so hard, you knew.

“N-no, I, no I don’t- why does it matter...?” 

“I need to know that none of my employees are distracted.

It’s a continuing pattern in the following weeks. No matter how you tried, you couldn’t do your job, so Endeavor didn’t leave you alone.

Strange questions, personal observations, weird requests and orders that he deliberately made impossible to follow.

His looming figure was always over your shoulder, pointing out your mistakes, calling you out for the smallest of details; all those preparations that Kikuchi made to help you were useless, because unless Endeavor gave the order he didn’t want you doing it.

The problem was that Endeavor was not an easy man to ignore. He burned like a furnace directly at your shoulder, and you have to worry about sweating your makeup away because of it.

(And oh, the makeup- a little eyeliner and some tasteful gloss didn’t cut it for this man, no, professionalism always, which led to youtube tutorials...)

You were stressed. Very, very stressed.

One morning, though, you felt him shift behind you, and suddenly that heat was very intense right behind your head-

“I’m not a fan of green apples. Change it.”

Did...did he seriously...

“You just...sniffed my hair.” You said softly, face red and heart pounding. How- what? Enough was enough, this was...

You sat there in silent rage; was steam coming out of your ears? You thought it might be. How ironic.

How dare he- why did he think he had the right?

You thought long and hard about it that night and came to a decision.

The next morning you knew people were whispering about you, and who could blame them? You were wearing virtually the same outfit from your first day- pants and minimal makeup included. One last major show of defiance as you knocked on Endeavor’s office door.

“Come in,” he called calmly; it was funny, he’d never outright threatened you or even hurt you, but the sound of his voice, low and pretend polite, made you shiver with fear.

But you stood straight and stepped in, closing the door behind you.

“I wasn’t aware it was casual Friday.” He remarked, and you felt your lips twitch, just a bit. You sat down without waiting for him to ask. Endeavor was just the kind of asshole who wouldn’t, just to prove his dominance.

“It’s not,” you promised calmly, handing over your printed letter. “I just came to give you this.”

Endeavor’s hand dwarfed the paper it was so large, and you watched his eyes scan the printed type before they flicked back up to meet yours. “You’re resigning?”

“Yes. I wanted to give it to you in person.” It was only polite- besides, your mother had warned you about burning bridges. 

He nodded and hummed. There was a pregnant pause as you watched him finish the letter. You thought that might be the end of it, had prepared for being thrown out of the building. You had enough money in your account to scrimp together for a bit, and well, you’d figure out what would come next. Customer service was still an option.

Then Endeavor incinerated the paper in a burst of fire that, had you jumping half out of your seat.

“Sit back down.” He ordered, and you meekly did so, heart pounding as he very calmly got up from behind his desk, strolled around and past you- when you heard the heavy thud of the lock your heart jumped up into your throat.

“Endeavor, sir-”

“Shut up.”

He was behind you again, but this time his too warm hands were on your shoulders, gentle, mocking restraints.

“You aren’t going to leave. You’re going to go home and you’re going to change into something professional, come back and resume work. I won’t even dock your pay.” Endeavor’s voice was low and quiet and it thrummed in your bones and made you shudder.

“You can’t make me. I’m not your employee anymore, sir.” 

He hummed again. “That’s true, but it would be very hard to find employment if I spoke against you.”

No, he wouldn’t-

“That’s illegal,” you countered, trying to stay calm. He was a hero, for all his faults, he wouldn’t break the law. Would he?

“That’s true. But you know how rumors are, don’t you? I mean, my agency’s seen the way you dress, the way you look at me, how you constantly make mistakes for my attention-”

You tried to stand, but his hands forced you back down.

“But I don’t!”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? What matters is what people think. Now, if you’re a good girl and go home and get dressed, like I told you, things will be fine. We can even have a long discussion about it. Do you understand?”

He had you trapped. That rat bastard, he- he was actually-

“Yes. Yes, sir.” You whispered softly, closing your eyes at the feel of his lips on the top of your head.

“Good girl. Stay after work and we’ll have  a nice long talk about your responsibilities as my secretary. I’ve let you twist in the wind long enough.”

[lonestarbabe]

Holding Out For a Hero

Chapter 1: Where Have All The Good Men Gone

When T.K. Strand was eight years old, his father died on 9/11 with the rest of his fire station, and T.K.’s life forever changed. Luckily, in his grief and anger, T.K. found music, which gave him an outlet and kept him out of trouble… at least enough to keep him alive. At the age of sixteen, T.K. was propelled into stardom and with the grief and anger still very much alive within him, he began to use drugs, alcohol, and one-night stands to cope. As one of the most popular pop stars alive, T.K. has been accustomed to screaming masses and fanatical adoration but his manager, Judd, and best friend, Marjan, seem to think T.K. needs someone to look after him. T.K. doesn’t want another bodyguard, not after the series of uptight tightwads he’s had, but when he’s introduced to buff, sweetly handsome Carlos Reyes, T.K. begrudgingly decides that he can put up with a little eye candy hanging around (but it’s not because he needs someone to look after him, definitely not…)

T.K.

“I don’t need a bodyguard,” T.K. refuted, petulantly crossing his arms over his chest, but Judd gave him a sharp “don’t argue with me” look. The look usually didn’t go very far. After all, arguing was one of T.K.’s favorite hobbies. Though, he rarely took arguments too seriously. Mostly, they were just for sport, but this time T.K. knew to shut up, at least while Judd lectured him.

“Come on, this is my job to look after you. Let me do it.” Judd adjusted his wristwatch, still not used to the heavy metal Rolex that Grace had gotten him. She’d told him maybe it would him look like an actual manager because looking at Judd, you’d pick a barista from Starbucks as the talent manager over Judd.

Judd’s flannel shirt and blue jeans set him apart from not just other managers but also most of LA. Originally from Texas, Judd may have been a high-profile entertainment manager, but he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a suit to work. If you squinted, you might mistake him for a hipster, but Judd would snarl if anyone ever called him that (he had no beard or weird coffee). Lumberjack would be less offensive (again, no beard or no ax). Cowboy would be better than redneck. He might even take cowboy with pride.

While he was still very much a Texan at heart, Judd had followed his wife, Grace, out to LA so she could chase her dream of being an actress. Considering that Grace Ryder was going to be in what could be the summer’s big blockbuster, the move had paid off and things were going well for the Ryders. T.K. was just relieved that for the last five years he’d had Judd on his side. It was good to have someone who cared, even if T.K. was still a fuck up (because that was inevitable).

His former manager, Misty, had been a robotic woman who cared more about her pantsuits than her clients. At sixteen, he’d signed on with her, and from the start, she’d wanted more than T.K. was willing to give. Albums, tours, books, perfume lines, signings— she’d wanted him to do it all, but T.K. never got a moment of rest. She manipulated him and used all his youthful optimism against him. At first, it had been fun, but then it was just exhausting. Misty had cracked T.K., and she had made music a chore, but it wasn’t like T.K. knew anything else. He felt trapped. He wanted to love music again, but he knew he couldn’t do that with Misty breathing down his neck. Misty wasn’t evil. T.K. had good times with her even if he couldn’t keep up with her demands. She’d helped him start his career. She’d taken a chance on him. Nevertheless, she wasn’t good for him. She was too concerned about her own desires to pay proper attention to his. He needed someone who saw him as an actual person rather than a problem.

Now, Judd had the unenviable job of trying to piece a broken kid back together, but Judd didn’t seem too dismayed by the task. He’d been doing it for five years, after all. T.K. had come to Judd after a long search for the perfect manager, and it had been a cosmically right fit. Marjan Marwani, T.K.’s best friend, had actually been the one who had found Judd, and she still held it over his head that she had found him the best manager on the planet. He really loved his best friend even if she liked to taunt him mercilessly.  

In the time that he had been T.K.’s manager, Judd had been patient with T.K. He worked so hard to keep T.K. vaguely functional. Judd actually cared for some reason. Unlike Misty, Judd wasn’t the kind of manager in it for the money. He’d even suggested that T.K. take a break whereas other managers would have tried to keep their top-earning talent working as much as possible. Judd wouldn’t care if he didn’t get another dime from T.K., but T.K. was too stubborn and too lost to take time from the spotlight. He needed music in his life.

“All celebrities of your caliber use bodyguards,” Judd explained, his accent muted slightly by LA influences. When he went home to Austin, Judd’s voice always reverted to its original sound just like T.K. always sounded most like a New Yorker when he was in New York. “It’s a security risk to let you go running around alone. I know you like your independence, but when you have as many fans as you do, things are bound to get out of control.” T.K. suspected Judd was less worried about fans than T.K.’s behavior.

“Yeah, and I’ve had fifteen bodyguards in the past six months alone. I think that’s quite enough.” The last thing T.K. needed was another big slab of man following him around with a faintly disapproving look. His former bodyguards all tried and failed to keep a neutral expression when they worked for him. They’d been discreet, but he could always see the way their eyebrows scrunched, and lips pushed together with a nearly inaudible grunt. Even when he was drunk and higher than the moon, T.K. could see the disdain or, worse, the pity, in their eyes. He was just another teenage star turned adult fuck up. He wore the badge as proudly as he could even though he hated himself for becoming an out of control stranger.

“You know I’m not happy with your revolving door of bodyguards. It’s a major hassle, but I’d rather hunt down schmucks willing to deal with you than for you to get into trouble. Believe it or not, I prefer you alive.” T.K.’s heart flipped at the sentiment, and for whatever reason, he felt touched. The warm feeling sent a surge of anxiety through his body because somewhere along the line he’d learned concern was dangerous. He fidgeted in his seat, trying to retain his cool demeanor.  

T.K. rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Dad,” he said before he could think. The joke scratched against T.K.’s tongue like sandpaper. He hadn’t used the word dad in… well, he couldn’t even remember how long. Since his dad had died, T.K. had always the term father to refer to all dads. Dad was too personal, so he usually saved that word only for use with his own father, whose memory had become terrifyingly blurry in T.K.’s mind.

Judd grunted, an affectionate, slightly exasperated grunt. You could tell a lot about Judd’s mood based on his grunt. Grace always joked that he had a language composed all of grunts. “Someone has to look out for you.” Because your dad is dead.

“I don’t want to be protected,” especially not by his big brother of a manager.

“Yeah, well I can’t trust you to quit your self-destructive shit. Sometimes I wonder…” Judd trailed off shaking his head. His voice had quivered, softer and more hesitant.

“What? Wonder what?” He was already starting to feel defensive.

“Never mind, kid. It doesn’t matter.” Judd bit his bottom lip, knowing that he had almost said too much. His eyes were concerned, which made T.K. feel angry more than loved. He didn’t like when Judd tried to give him “much needed guidance.”

“No, tell me, what is it?” T.K. hated being coddled and kept out of the loop even if it was for his own good.

Judd looked at the picture of Grace on his desk. Emotions were more her thing. She’d be much better at this, but T.K. was worth making the effort when need be. “It’s not something you’d want to hear.”

“I don’t care. Tell me.”

Judd sighed, worrying that this thought would do more harm than good, but it had been growing in his mind for a while. He took a deep breath. “Sometimes I wonder if it doesn’t matter to you if you live or die.” T.K. eyes shot up to meet Judd’s. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed, but he didn’t like it. Yet, he couldn’t retreat from it because he’d been the one to press Judd to tell him what he was thinking.

“I’m not suicidal.” It wasn’t like he was going to jump off a bridge or something. “I wouldn’t try to kill myself if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Maybe not. I’m not exactly the best person to talk about all this stuff but seems to me that you wouldn’t mind dying if it happened to you.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Judd,” but it did. T.K. knew exactly what Judd meant, and it scared him how close to the truth Judd was.

“I just think that it doesn’t scare you that one night you could overdose, and I think you’re playin’ Russian roulette with your life, half-hoping that maybe you won’t get lucky.”

“Psychoanalyzing is for shrinks.”

“Yeah, I know, but it can’t be healthy to be so unconcerned about your own mortality.”

“There wouldn’t be much I could do about it if I died, so I don’t bother worrying about it.” T.K. thought about death sometimes. He’d even imagined himself dying, but it wasn’t in a weird way he didn’t think. Everyone thought about it. Him maybe more than others.

“No, I guess not, but I’m just saying that it seems to me you’d be okay if it just ended, relieved even.”

“Not to get nihilistic or whatever, but there’s not much to live for is there? But it’s just like going to work. Each day, you just gotta do it.” Life, even the glamorous life of a superstar, could be a monotonous jumble of highs and lows, but T.K. had learned that there wasn’t much he could do about it. He had to keep trudging along even if he didn’t know where to or why.

“Man, I don’t know what to say to that, but I think you’ve got it all wrong. Life isn’t that grim.”

T.K. backtracked. “I didn’t mean to suggest it was. It isn’t all bad, really. It’s not like I always hate it or anything. I do have fun. I have my pick of men, and I get invited to lots of parties.” T.K. smirked. “I’m sure you’ve seen some of the viral videos.”

“Getting so wasted you can’t remember how many fingers you have ain’t fun.”

“You’re just lucky none of my sex tapes have been leaked, but let me tell you, they’d do real well on Pornhub.”

“Keep those to yourself. The ‘I only have six fingers’ video was enough of a nightmare.” It should have been humiliating, but T.K. had just laughed when it had come out. His management team had been clucking like hens, but something so silly wasn’t worth all that headache, so T.K. just reminded that everything that happened to him was one big cosmic joke.

“I don’t even remember that night honestly, but that’s the fun of it, Judd—forgetting all the things you normally have to remember.”

“Yeah, well, how ‘bout trying to remember a little more.  You’ll forget yourself if you’re not careful.”

“As long as I don’t forget how to carry a tune, I think I’ll be okay.” As long as he could still got on the stage and do his job, he’d be fine.

“You’re more than a singer.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be. Life would be so much better if you only had to be one thing.”

“I want you to slow down on the partying.”

T.K. laughed. “And you think a bodyguard can help me with that? Yeah, right.” T.K. didn’t believe he needed a bodyguard at all. He was a big boy, and he wasn’t going to wilt just because a crowd gathered trying to get his attention or he drank a little too much. Bodyguards were basically just pieces of furniture who turn into stone walls when danger struck.

“He’ll make sure you make it out in one piece. I’ve picked a great guy.”

“That’s what you always say.”

“I mean it with this one.”

T.K. exhaled, still not thrilled about the idea of having someone follow him around. “What’s his name?”

“Carlos Reyes, and I think he’s just your type.”

“My type?”

“Trust me. He’s the kind of guy you’d like. He’ll keep up with you.”

“Oh yeah? Another bald forty-year-old? You know that those Mr. Clean types really get me going. It would be really hot to see my reflection on one of their shiny heads. Narcissistic goals.”

“You better bet careful, T.K. One of these days someone will think you’re serious.”

“I am. That dude three, no four, bodyguards ago took me way too serious. I think he actually thought I was into him.”

“I think Aaron quit just because you kept calling him a sexy Mr. Clean.” Judd shook his head, smiling a little.

“I think that guy’s suit was glued to his body. He didn’t even try to fit in. Bodyguards should be discreet. Plus, I got homophobic vibes from him. Like the kind of guy who will say he’s fine with gay people but then ask who’s the woman in the relationship.”

“The new guy isn’t like that.”

“So, if he’s not like Mr. Clean, what is he like? Hot? Eighty years-old? An actual robot?”

Judd gestures a zip across his lips. “You’ll see his pretty face soon, Rockstar. He starts tomorrow.”

“Maybe give me a week. I need some me time before I’m shackled to a piece of meat. ”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Judd was decisive, “But no, you cannot have a week. I’ve already told him he could start tomorrow.” He left no room for arguments.

“Fine.” T.K. stood up from his chair, letting it teeter unsteadily with the force of him pushing it out behind him. The chair settled, all four legs back on the ground. T.K. took a breath. “I guess I better enjoy tonight, then, before this guy comes in to try to tame me.” T.K. winked. “Many men have tried. Very few have succeeded. Like Miley Cyrus would say, ‘I can’t be tamed.’”

“Don’t tell me you want to get on a wrecking ball for your next video?”

He shook his head. “That’s not controversial enough for my taste. Full frontal nudity or nothing. The wrecking ball would just get in the way.”

Judd didn’t feed into T.K.’s joke. He gave T.K. a firm look. “You’ll call me if you need a ride home?” Judd had long ago made it clear that he was always available if T.K. needed him, no questions asked. T.K. had never taken him up on that offer.

“I’m not the kind of fuck up who crashes his hundred-thousand-dollar car. I know to hire a driver if I’m going to drink,” among other things, “or I’m sure I’ll find a nice young man to take me home. Or old. I’m not that picky.”

Judd gave him a disapproving look because T.K. liked to jump in bed with people who didn’t give a damn about his wellbeing. “That’s what I’m worried about. One of these days the young man, or old one, won’t be so nice.”

T.K. liked that thought. Good guys weren’t his thing, after all. Sweet guys were cute, but they always seemed unobtainable, especially with how much T.K. expected of his men. He liked them tough, sometimes even mean. He liked to watch them fight for dominance. He liked to watch them puff their chests and try to pin him down. He liked to roll them over and tease them with his lips and tongue. He liked to give in just as much as he liked to resist. “Even better.”

[charliedoyleloves]

You caught me doing something dangerous and flipped out w viktor? :>

“You Caught Me Doing Something Dangerous and Flipped Out” – Three Armed Metal Husband ft an engagement???? Maybe not exactly the trope, but still. I know you live for this content Maddie, do not lie to me.

@shvnpo

Also going to tag @sacredempressnatlyia because this seems like the type of thing you would like. If you don’t want to be tagged again, let me know!

He was stalking around the room again, his leg brace clacking against the floor with every odd step. Step, clack, step, clack, step.

The clack didn’t come, and they realized he knew they were awake.

“Charlize-“ his voice was a low growl, one that they were rarely on the receiving end of, “what were you thinking? The Enforcer? The Grey Lady?”

There were many things that Viktor was not. And subtle or patient was rarely one of them. He was a man of engineering, and engineering had things to do. Even his feelings were frantic and oh so loud. A fast paced song that they could never get him to dance with them to.

Charlie sat up, legs flexing where they couldn’t move any longer. They stared at Viktor, maskless and frazzled, so they did not need to stare down. It was obvious what was happening with them. Their job had them support their own weight, move it around and manipulate it.

Charlie knew that they were lighter now.

“You needed someone to go. The auction had Blitz’s tech, I needed to get it back for you.” Their arms supported them as they got into a straight sit. Legs aching. “How were any of us to know it was a set up for Ferros to go after someone? Lets face it, shady blackmarket deals is kind-of what I do for you.”

“No!” His arms flew wide, third arm pulling at his hair slightly. A habit to calm himself. “You’re a fucking acrobat Charlie! That is your job, one that I know you love! I don’t need you to be doing any of this!”

They threw up their hands, a sign that he would know was them condescending. With him trying to remove his emotions, how could they explain that they had to go after his technology because it would make him feel better. That their decision was purely emotional.

He took a deep breath, one they could almost feel in his song, and dragged his hands down his face.

“You are an important person. To the Cirque, to the Evolution.”

They bit their tongue, stopping themselves from making an inappropriately snarky comment. One to hide the hurt of him not mentioning himself. Once upon a time, he would have brought up that they were important to him.

But that was just being selfish. Viktor had his hands, all three, full with the prosthetics and surgeries he was doing. Important work.

“Just say it Vik. It was stupid and reckless.” They shrugged, listening to the frantic thrum of him. Hoping it would calm it down. “Not your fault, but mine.”

Just facts. The highest proof of something. Facts over feelings, right?

But he didn’t speak again for a while. Time that they used to finally face their own facts. Looking down, they traced the outline of their legs under the sheets. From their hips, to thigh, then cut off. The blade of the Grey Lady, the Steel Shadow of Piltover, cut clean through above their knee.

As they tried to flex the muscles, it didn’t work properly. The ends of them not anchored right. The end of their acrobatic career. But they pioneered a new type of magic with their studies before their performances. One that they could devote their time to now, right?

The tears darkened the sheet, hot and streaming steadily. Breath caught in their chest, a fault of emotion not physiology.

Step, clank, step, clank, step.

Viktor left the room, leaving them alone. Would the Cirque really care for them, now that they could not perform for them? Their parents didn’t care, their debt to the family paid off. Viktor suppressing any care in him. With his song gone, they were acutely aware of how alone they were.

Their own feelings, a song they thought they were deafened to, bounced off the walls of the empty room. Empty beds and empty chairs around them, just as their parents had warned. They could not leave the room, basically becoming a cell all their own. Just like would have waited for them had they stayed in Demacia.

Was their fate ultimately to always end up trapped?

Their breath quickened, and their legs twitched and magic buzzed beneath their skin. It did not come, instead the magic uselessly flowing to their legs and not returning. Trying to heal something that it was never meant too.

The metal walls only caused it to bounce back to them. An echo chamber for their unheard songs. Dragging them into their unfortunate thought spiral. Getting louder and louder in their magic which deafened them to everything.

When a hand rested upon their shoulder, it all stopped.

“Charlie, I’m going to remove the sheet.”

Viktor’s voice was far softer now, his song still frantic but not unusually so. The tempo off and instruments of his emotions not in sync. He must have used some of his chems to force himself to be calm.

They moved their hands so he could, turning their head to hide their distaste. The cut of their legs was clean, not shocking from a professional. If one of the Glorious Evolution was not there to cauterize the wounds, they would have died of bloodloss quite quickly. The young man’s chem induced calm likely being the only thing that saved their life.

But perhaps it would have been better if there were no such chems.

Charlie’s leg jumped at the feeling of cold metal, not at all the overly warm metal of Viktors augments. They swore, turning back to him before stopping.

Beside their leg was an intricately made full leg. Copper swirled in filigree above matte red and blues. The metalwork being among the finest he had made. Large enough to fit over their thigh. Long enough that it would have covered their entire leg. The feet being just their size.

“I can create the inner workings of a prosthetic for you, but…” His taking the calming chems made more sense as they looked over the fine craftsmenship. “Is this the shell of them you would want? Something plainer can be created, if it’s too much.”

An engagement gift. It wasn’t among the finest metalwork Viktor had made, but would have been the finest to date.

They looked to him, their eyes wide. Brown meeting his own dark blue. Exhausted rings around his, a stubble that would have taken him too many days without shaving to achieve. Third hand resting upon their shoulder and rubbing small circles.

On his knees beside their bed.

“You made me leg braces?”

Like the one he wore, but so much more. Just, more. Something they could wear in their performances. The points where they were most themselves, they would wear his finest work.

“A pair, yes.” One of his hands shook the spare one. Looking away to focus on his creation. “You hold onto Demacian Aesthetic Principles, and symmetry is a good thing, yes? And I was testing out some engineering that could give you options should your gravitational magic is not enough. I tested the heels, but they should be able to dampen the shock of large falls. Possibly even reducing them into their entirety because of the hydraulics-“

Charlie leaned forward and put a hand on his cheek. The frantic pace of his song increasing as everything was beginning to sound in tune. Accidentally wearing the chems away with the sheer frantic nature of the moment. A spiral downwards into emotion.

“Viktor, I would love for those to be the shells.” Their thumb rubbed against him, and they watched his eyes flit back and forth as he thought. “I just want to be sure what all you are asking me; will you marry me?”

They heard a group of wind instruments pause, a group of the assistants, nurses, and helpers of his Glorious Evolution listening in. With the augments he gave them, no doubt.

But his slight laughter against their hand pulled their thoughts from that. His eyes darting back to theirs as he leaned into their hand.

“How is it even when I’m on my knee, you propose?” All three of his hands rested on them. One a cheek, one at their waist, the third kept to their shoulder. A tired smile and the craftsmanship telling them how long he had thought of this. “But I need to be certain that you are not accepting because of a fear-“

“In my trunk with the Cirque, there is a cloak that is enchanted and made with the finest materials that I could get my hands on.” It was a task to keep their focus on his eyes, to not draw themselves inward. To not revert back to the childhood habit of taking up as little space as possible. “I ask you as someone who has spent the last five years loving you.”

They could not force a smile upon their face. Not because it wasn’t a happy moment, but because they needed him to know that this was serious to them. That they meant the words they said. That they spent nearly five hundred hours embroidering and enchanting the gift they were too scared to give him.

“My Gravity,” they flushed as the new nickname, knowing how important he thought such things; the heat of both his hands upon their cheeks; the intensity of his stare, “I will spend the rest of my days returning to you, for as long as you would have me.”

They laughed a bit, leaning into him as their hands went to hide their face. Ears reddening and curling into themselves. New leg to be accidentally falling to the ground.

“You could have just said yes.”

Their own song was humming in their ears, heartbeat acting as the drumline. His laughter adding more to the music.

His hands shifted, letting him shift them further onto the bed, and he climbed up. Not nearly as armored as usual, the thin fabric of his shirt warming them up. Literally being soft around them. They hid further into their hands.

Pillows were shuffled, him trying to find a comfortable way to lay down in the bed that was too small for him. Legs bent where theirs was propped against him. Not saying a thing about how he curled around them as if to protect them.

Charlie did elbow him about it.

“So,” he whispered into their hair, “do you think I will have to tell my mother about this? Or will the others whom were totally working and not listening in will?”

They laughed into their hands and his chest.

“Would you risk her not hearing it from you the first moment you see her next?” Hands were moved, trying to figure out the new comfortable. Still tucked under his chin. “If the first thing you say to her is not ‘I got engaged’ or ‘They Said Yes’, she will hold it over you for the rest of your life. Frankly, you should call her now.”

“Maybe.” It was a hum against their head. “You need rest though. I noticed that your mana has been draining and it has been impacting your vitals for days. Sleep, more sugars to keep yourself balanced, and low activity until I can at least make a temporary prosthetic to stop the magic from draining.”

“Can I ask one thing?”

Another hum.

“Can you kiss me?” They could feel and hear the curious and amused look on his face. Whether it was their magic or just seven years of knowing him was not as important. “We did just get engaged, I did just wake up from a major injury, and it has been over a week since the last time.”

One of his hands tilted their chin uncomfortably high as he stooped at an equally uncomfortable level on the bed. But it was still a kiss that they loved dearly.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi ! I recently read the fics "Uphill" and "A Hundred Crimson Sols", and I also remember reading "Perfomance in a leading role" a while ago, and I really loved them so I was wondering if you new other AUs where they have another job than in canon ? Especially ones where one of them is famous ? I love your blog btw, and you're so nice with everybody

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could recommend any true AUs? I feel like getting away from the canon setting. Thanks!

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: hi, do you have any coffee shop/different first meeting au fic recs? thank you! (:

Hi Nonnies!!

I hope you don’t mind that I put y'all together, since y’all are looking for pretty much the exact same thing! Funny because these all came in around the same time, LOL. I’ve SO many AU’s, but I’ve those ones sorted too, and Nonny 1, you’ve got a good suggestion here for today’s AU list, so we’re gonna go with Other Professions, which works great for Nonny 2′s request as well!! 

And Nonny 1, thank you very much for your kind words! I’m not THAT nice, but I try, LOL

Nonny 3, I’ve added in the “see also” some fics you may also enjoy! Believe it or not, I’ve never read a coffee shop AU fic. I think it’s because they’re mostly Unilock and I don’t really care for unilock :P (I like my John and Sherlock older because I can then relate to them :P)

I’ve also added some fics on my MFL list since I like making long lists LOL LOL.

ALTERNATE PROFESSIONS

See also (for First Meeting Nonny):

Fairy Tales and Fantasy

TV, Movies, and Books AU (Fantasy Pt. 2)

Magical Realism Where John is the Powerful One

Lumberjack John / Botanist Sherlock

WWII AU’s

Faes / Faeries

Alternate First Meetings (Canon-Feeling)

First Meeting Via Internet / Phone / Letters

Angel John 

Ghosts / Figments

School Fics

Soul Mates and Soul Bonds

Omegaverse

where the good things grow by anchors (M, 7,066 w. || Tea Shop AU || Alternate First Meeting, Magical Realism, Gardens, Tea, Friends to Lovers) – “I have a magic garden.” As come-ons go, John’s heard worse.

He’s Not Paid Enough to Deal with This Shit by janonny (T, 9,828 w. || Personal Assistant AU || Humour, First Meetings, Snarky John) – One of the first things John did was to write up step-by-step instructions on how to conduct a proper job interview before handing it over to Mycroft for his perusal. There were no kidnapping, deserted car parks or stolen therapy notes anywhere on that list. (Or the one where John returned from the war and ended up working for Mycroft as his personal assistant slash doctor on retainer. Everything was fine, until he was sent to post bail for one Sherlock Holmes.)

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w. || Nutcracker AU ||  Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy’s present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

Software Malfunction by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (E, 16,679 w. || Android Sherlock, Love Story, Unhappy Ending, Angst) – “You think I can’t love you? Just because you’re made with metal, and detailed programming?” The doctor propped himself on his elbow, and looked down at it. “I am nothing but blood and bone, and tissue. Things just managed get mashed together in a manner that made me like this. Just like you were put together to make you how you are. When I kiss you-” he did so, briefly, to prove his point. Then more deeply, and lingering, because he could. “When I touch you, or smile at you, does it make you feel different from when others have done it in the past?”

Pleasure to Burn by scullyseviltwin (E, 17,863 w. || Firefighter AU, Firefighter John / Arson Investigator Sherlock, Slow Burn, Pining, Case Fic-ish) – “If you’d kindly stop knocking about in there and destroying all of my evidence, it would be most appreciated!” John groaned and for a moment rested his head against the side of the truck. Of course he was the only captain left on the scene, which meant he would have to be the one to deal with the arson investigator.

Uncharted Territory by J_Baillier (T, 19,603 w. || Dystopian Future / Black Mirror AU || Angst, Drama, Homophobia, Bisexuality, Technology, Humour, Romance, Near Future, Happy Ending) – The System puts people through a series of assigned relationships in order to determine who their Perfect Match is. John believes that it works; Sherlock really, really doesn’t. One of them is probably going to be wrong.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157w. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief…

Uphill by scullyseviltwin (E, 77,750 w. || Olympics AU || Sherlock POV, Skier!Sherlock / Medic!John, Rivalry, 2014 Olympics, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is striving for gold in this, his fourth and final Olympics as a downhill Alpine racer.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school’s Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who’s been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

The Swan Triad by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers’ attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Actor / Hollywood AU || Slow Burn, Falling in Love, Secret Relationship, Coming Out) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE ||70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That’s all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

MARKED FOR LATER

(these are fics I have in my MFL list for future reading and have not read them yet. Read at your own discretion).

My, She Was Yar by blueink3 (M, 5,313 w. || Cinema AU || Teenlock, Mention of Sex for Drugs, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending) – YAR: adjective; (nautical term, of a sailboat) agile, quick, easily manoeuvred. Or, the exact opposite of what Sherlock Holmes is when he stumbles into John Watson’s cinema and turns his life upside down. Part 7 of the Tumblr Prompts series

come be my april fool by a_different_equation (M, 6,473 w. || Great British Bake Off AU || Writer!Sherlock, Est. Rel., Fluff / Humour, Baking, Marriage Proposal, Military Kink, Domestics, POV John, Romance, Sherlock Wears Glasses, Sweet Sherlock, Bookstores, Queer Themes) – After leaving ‘The Great British Bake Off’, Sue Perkins has written a book about Victorian baking. Tonight, on April 1st, she is reading at ‘The Bard’, Mike Stamford’s bookstore in central London. It is the exact same spot where John Watson, battered and bruised, had learned all about his magnificent bastard – one Mr. Sherlock Holmes, famous gay crime fiction writer – for the first time. A story about found family, DRAMAtical lesbians, how to react when your boyfriend has a military kink but he doesn’t want to act on it, oh, and popping the question. Sequel to ‘i read your book, you magnificent bastard’. Part 2 of Magnificent Bastard!AU

Idle Hands by kinklock (E, 7,226 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Phone Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Dirty Sign Language) – While working as a video sign language interpreter for the deaf, John’s last client of the day asks him to interpret a highly unusual call. (aka deaf Sherlock wants to call a phone sex hotline AU)

What To Do With An Atypical Animal Within by HarveyDangerfield  & swimsalot (E, 7,804 w. || Harry Potter AU || Animagus, Porn With A Little Plot, Tail Porn) – Sherlock is determined to be an animagus. But what happens when it isn’t a fox or a horse or a dog he’s turning into?

Dead Letter Office by a_different_equation (M, 20,364 w. || ‘Bartleby’ Fusion / Office Setting AU || Different First Meeting, Epistolary, John’s Blog, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Canon, John Watson is Sherlock’s Boss, PTSD John, Military Backstory, Writer John, Drug Use, Texting) – John Watson comes home from the war, gets a new job and meets Sherlock Holmes through Mike Stamford. Same tale since 1891, except this time it’s 2008, John is Sherlock’s boss, and they work together at the Dead Letter Office in London. It’s not a love story, until it finally is.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 24,904 +w. || WiP || Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Meet Cute, Prince Sherlock / Soldier John, Alternating POV) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Aquiver by Junejuly15 (M, 25,852 w. || Fashion Designer AU || PA John Watson / Fashion Designer Sherlock, Sherlock’s Feelings, Romance, UST, Arrogant Sherlock, Drug Use, Confessions, Protective Mycroft, Parties, BAMF John, Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time) – Sherlock Holmes is a successful and arrogant fashion designer and John Watson his new PA. Of course, sparks fly between them.

False Advertising by ravenscar (E, 27,722 w. || Office AU / Devil Wears Prada Inspired || Victor Trevor, Flashbacks, Hurt / Comfort, Angst with Happy Ending, Younger John/Older Sherlock, Marriage Proposal) – Sherlock is John’s boss and mentor at an advertising agency. Can they find love in the cut-throat workplace?

Out and Loud by paradigmfinch (M, 28,233 w. || Popstar AU || Dancer/Ballet Sherlock / Singer John, Fluff, Falling in Love, Mutual Pining, Jealousy) – John Watson is a 22 year old pop star who’s about to come crashing out of the closet.Sherlock Holmes is a reluctant fanboy auditioning to dance in his next music video. Part 1 of Out and Loud

Looking Glass Cabaret by lymphadei (E, 30,874 w. || Cabaret AU, Alternate First Meeting, Drag Queen John, Fluff and Smut, Drama, PWP) – Lady Grey leant up on her toes, her hands on either side of his neck to steady herself as she pressed her lips against Sherlock’s ear. “I wouldn’t say a devil, Mr Holmes, but I’m definitely not on the side of the angels.” Then, she pulled back slightly to place a lingering kiss on his cheek. Part 4 of the Interpersonal Affairs series

Through Dangers Untold by hogwartswitch (E, 32,003 w. || Labyrinth AU) – The Goblin King has fallen in love with John Watson and visits him in dreams. But the evil wizard who cursed the Goblin King cannot allow that to continue. Will John survive the labyrinth? Or will he become a lost goblin like all the rest?

An Everlasting Inferno by thatawkwardfriend (M, 35,011+ w. || WiP || Criminal AU || Different First Meeting, Minor Character Death, Gun Violence, Sherlock Whump, Friends to Lovers / Enemies to Lovers, UST, Mutual Pining) – Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing. They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together. (Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

Leveling Up by philalethia (M, 36,961 w. || Video Gamer AU || Different First Meeting, Epistolary, Gaming, Internalized Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis, Past Drug Use) – John plays video games, Sherlock writes a guide on GameFAQs, and they get on quite well together… eventually.Told entirely through emails, text messages, and voice chats.

Learning Curve by thpontiacbandit (M, 41,422 w. || Teacher / Parent AU || America, Fluff and Smut, Parentlock, Frottage) – John is a Kindergarten teacher. One of his students, a boy named Henry Holmes, refuses to speak in school. John is determined to get to the bottom of it, and that is how he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Fly Very High by yalublyutebya (E, 46,533 w. || Formula One AU || Rivalry, Permanent Injury, Hate / Angry Sex) – John Watson was born to be a racing driver, and even a crash isn’t enough to keep him out of a car for long. But coming back is not that easy, especially when he meets his new teammate, Sherlock Holmes.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock’s closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don’t need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Doubtful Comforts of Human Love by PoppyAlexander (M, 61,500 w. || Ballet / Rugby AU || Ballet Sherlock / Rugby John, Est. Long-Term Relationship, Marriage, Case Fic, Blow Jobs, Implied Infidelity, Angst, Dirty Talk, Violent Outbursts, Arguments, Relationship Discussions, Love Letters, Grand Gestures, Hopeful Ending) – UK Ballet principal dancer Sherlock Holmes and assistant rugby coach John Watson met and fell in love as ambitious, optimistic teenagers. Twenty years on, they are entering midlife, facing the break-down of their bodies and the ending of their careers, and contemplating what the future holds for two middle-aged men forced to start over. With a frightening crisis unfolding at the Ballet, Sherlock must balance the demands of his career, his friendships, and his marriage with his own struggle against bitterness and discontent, while John takes a long-overdue glance from the outside, in, and stutter-steps toward making a kind of peace.

The Craving in Between by love_in_mind_palace (E, 69,349 w. || Wedding Planner AU || Infidelity, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Sexting & Texting, Alternating POV, Mary is Not Nice) – Sherlock Holmes, The wedding Consultant. Picky about his projects and a nightmare to work with. Rejects ninety percent of the couples after just having a look at them and can predict how long a marriage will last. But when unassuming, plain, John Watson reluctantly limps his way in his office, with his more than enthusiastic fiancée, Mary Morstan, instead of dismissing the ill-assorted couple on the spot, he promptly decides that the project, and the groom.. are definitely worth working on.

Philia and Eros by distantstarlight (E, 84,660 w. || Historical AU || Friends to Lovers, Time Travel, Kilts, Possessive Behaviour, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Implied Rape/Non-Con) – Love is timeless but time isn’t necessarily linear. John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are about to embark on an unintended adventure that will take them far away from the comfortable confines of 221 B Baker Street. Part 1 of Strange Paths

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn’t truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes.” Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Cake and Other Sins by Indybaggins (E, 100,670 w. || Great British Bakeoff AU || Alternate First Meeting, Angst, Baking, Desire, Disability, Incest (Holmescest/Holmescest with John), Masturbation, Falling in Love, Oral, Outdoor Sex, Past Drug Use, Poisoning, Voyeurism) – Sherlock and John meet as competing bakers on The Great British Bake Off. There’s intense baking, lush recipes and enticing food. Mycroft, guilt, past sins in chocolate and gingerbread. And love. That too.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel.) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it’s a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Emperor Tales of the Frozen South by cwb (M, 153,444 w. || Penguin AU || Adventure, Rituals, Fluff, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Gay Rights, Bonding, Antartica) – At the bottom of the world, two intrepid explorers make their way in the harshest of environments. An important journey must be taken, and prophecies fulfilled, but not before family meddling, political interference, and self-doubt threaten to alter the future of an entire species.If you know me at all, you know that this had to be done. Part 1 of Emperor Tales of the Frozen South

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w. || Dystopian AU, Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world’s pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world’s most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned “drashaskaya,” the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London’s pleasure district. (PUBLISHED AS “At Night in the Floating World”)

You Go To My Head Series by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 257,765+ w. across 8 Stories, WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Doctor John / Doctor Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon).

Enigma by khorazir (M, 289,667 w. || Codebreaker / WWII / Imitation Game-Inspired AU || Case Fic, Espionage, Period-Typical Homophobia / Sexism, Pining Sherlock, Inexperienced / VirginSherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Non-Graphic Violence) – It’s the autumn of 1941, war is raging in Europe, German U-boats are raiding Allied convoys in the Atlantic, the Luftwaffe is bombing English cities, and the cryptographers at Bletchley Park are working feverishly to decode their enemies’ encrypted communications. One should consider this challenge and distraction enough for capricious codebreaker Sherlock Holmes. But the true enigmas are yet waiting to be deciphered: an unbreakable code, a strange murder, and the arrival of Surgeon Captain John H. Watson of the Royal Navy.

Deflowered - Director’s Cut by Lorelei_Lee (E, 328,535 w. || Mafia / Mob AU || Rape/Non-Con, Dub-Con, Boss John/Rentboy Sherlock, Bottomlock, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous John, Prostate Milking, Sounding, Anal Beads/Plug, Anal Sex / Fingering, Spanking, Begging, Blow Jobs, Riding Crops, Begging, Romance, Desperation, Minor Character Death, Implied Self Harm, Violence) – It should have been strictly business. Being a Mafia boss with a sadistic sexual streak, John had long since realised that his playthings were in it for the money only. Being a masochistic rent boy, Sherlock seemed too good to be true. Little did they know…

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Sixty-Nine: Contacts ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Oil and Blood ] [ AO3 Link ]

“...I don’t like owing people, so…you’ll get compensated, either way.”

What a string of events this has been. First, one Hyūga Hinata - a simple young woman working in the claims division of a body modification insurance company - couldn’t sleep a few nights back. Then, she went for a walk to try and wear out her mind to get some rest. But before she could finish, she happened upon a member of the Uchiha crime syndicate, beaten and stripped of his (very expensive) mods, and proceeded to ignore every self-preservation instinct in her body, and instead haul him to a half-legal, half-very-illegal medical facility.

Upon going to check on him the following day, the Uchiha - given name Sasuke, as she’d found out - told her in no uncertain terms that he now owed her a debt. One he intended to pay.

And now she’s left wondering what exactly that means: to be owed a debt by someone who’s part of one of the largest and most powerful underground factions in Japan, let alone her home city. The past several days have seen her tired, tense, and tentatively awaiting a bunch of gang members to just...show up and ask her if she needs anything ‘taken care of’.

...okay, maybe she’s watched too many dramas, but she really has no idea what this Sasuke fellow means. And not knowing something makes her already nervous disposition all the more unnerved.

The day after her visit, she gets a call from the doctor that runs the clinic she took him to, informing her that he was cleared and sent him with a (mostly) clean bill of health.

“He just needs some time to recuperate from his beating, and me installing the new eye socket fitting. I managed to get him the replacement mods, so he’s all ready to go. He said to give you his thanks again for dragging him to me.”

“He, um…” Hinata hesitates, not sure how to phrase her question. “He doesn’t know how to, um...contact me, does he?”

“Well, I didn’t give him your information...and I think I only addressed you by your family name. But honestly given he saw your face and knows your last name, he’ll probably be able to find you if he really wants to...why? Did he threaten you?”

“Oh, n-no!” Hinata backpedals at the hard edge in her companion’s tone. “No, nothing like that!”

“Good...I’d have to have words with him otherwise.”

“He just - he, um...he said he wanted to pay me back, and that sort of...w-worries me?”

“Ah...understandable. Not exactly keen to interact with yakuza, right?”

“R...right. I mean...I appreciate your help, but even talking with you is a big risk. I don’t want to l-lose my job, or get in some kind of...l-legal trouble.”

“No, I understand. Well...I can send word through the contact I have, but...in the end, I doubt I have much sway. Debt is a pretty serious thing to people like them. Take my advice: ask for something small, and just get it out of the way. He’ll feel like he repaid you, and you’ll be in the clear.”

“...I guess so...I just don’t want to be, um…” ‘Associated’ seems like too strong a word… “You know...caught up in a-all of that.”

“As someone who is, I get that,” the medic replies with a dry laugh. “Don’t worry - they know what their presence means. If he’s smart - and I daresay he is, despite his attitude - he’ll bear that in mind, and not want to cause you even more trouble and increase his debt. Don’t worry, Hyūga-san.”

“...you know, I think we talk enough you can p-probably call me Hinata by now, ne?”

“Well, I try to always be professional, especially since we trade clients, you and I...but sure. I can do that, Hinata-san. But don’t worry about Sasuke. It’ll be fine.”

“...I hope so,” Hinata sighs before letting the call end.

...why does she get the feeling that isn’t going to be the case?

Several days later, scrolling through the holographic social media feed from her palm, Hinata startles and nearly drops her coffee as someone steps out in front of her, snapping her eyes back up. “Oh, I-I’m sorry, I -”

Glancing to her coolly, Sasuke doesn’t reply, just...looking expectantly.

Hinata immediately balks - they’re in public! Just...out on a sidewalk! “ I- ? Y-you shouldn’t -!”

“Relax, Hyūga. This is Uchiha territory. Cops are paid off. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother you.”

...oh. She...hadn’t known that. Blinking wide eyes, she nonetheless glances around warily. “D-do you, um...need something? How did you...find me?”

“I have contacts,” he replies vaguely. “Wasn’t that hard to track you down, in all honesty. To get to the point, I’m here about that favor I owe you.”

“Uchiha-san, really, I don’t need you to -”

“I don’t like being indebted. So just...give me a task, and I’ll do it.”

“Well, I...I don’t…” She struggles to think of something to occupy him...and in the interim, asks, “...how are you feeling?”

“Fine. Got all my tech replaced, the new fitting healed nicely...and the bruising’s about gone. I got off lightly, in all honesty.”

“I’m glad you’re all right. You looked, um...very out of sorts.”

That earns a snort. “Funny way to say ‘beat to hell’.”

She flushes a light pink.

“So, what’ll it be, Hyūga? I don’t have all day.”

“I...I really don’t know. I don’t really have any, um...issues? That need to be...dealt with?”

“No coworkers you have any beef with? Family? Exes or past friends?”

Hinata quickly balks. “Oh, g-gosh no! No. I...I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble with anyone, a-anyway. And it might get back to the wrong people, and...no. I-I’m fine.”

“Hm...no enemies you need protection from?”

“...not that I know of? Really, Uchiha-san: I’m just...a very run-of-the-mill person. No enemies, no...beef. I just work a basic job, live in a basic apartment, have basic mods…”

“Sure about that?”

“...what do you mean?”

“Cuz it didn’t take much digging to find out about your disinheritance. Not bitter about that?”

Hinata’s expression instantly shifts, becoming stonily blank. “...no.”

“Quite the fortune you’re missing out on.”

“I don’t care about money.”

“...well, damn. Paying you off was my second option. Strong-arming your dad was my first.”

“My father is n-none of your business. And I don’t want your money, either.”

“One of the largest mod manufacturers is, in a way, my business. And if he’s doing you dirty, then that’s also my business...if you want it to be.”

“Well, I don’t. So please, just...leave him out of things.”

Sasuke sighs, arms - one biological, one technological - crossing across his front. “Well then what do you want? It’s gotta be something, Hyūga. Otherwise you’re going to have to deal with me dogging you about it...and my temper getting shorter the longer I have to keep pestering you and wasting my time.”

She’s almost tempted to pout - why can’t this man just...leave her alone? “...any other suggestions?”

“None that immediately come to mind, no.”

Well, drat. Glancing aside, Hinata mulls this all over a little longer. And then an idea worms its way into her head. “...can I request something...specific? As in...a one-time favor, but only when it comes up?”

“...depends on what you mean.”

“Well, I...you probably guessed by where I took you that I have a few c-contacts of my own. Since the company I work for can’t always - or...won’t always - help people, I’ve taken things into my own hands before and refer them to underground technicians. And sometimes I have to meet them in person, which is...risky. If I ever feel like a meeting is going to be dangerous...could I enlist you as, like...a b-bodyguard?”

Sasuke perks a brow. “...not what I expected you to say, but...yeah, sure. Just give me a day or two notice if you can, and I’ll be there.”

“...really?”

“I do protection details sometimes, sure. Wouldn’t take much. And I guess that would be enough to call us even.”

She perks up. “Well...good! Um…” Teeth nibble her lip in thought. “I...guess I would need to be able to contact you…?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll give you my call signature, if you’re good with that.”

“...sure.” Watching him lift his modded arm, Hinata withholds a flinch as he hovers his palm over her right ear. In an instant, the information is traded wirelessly.

“Mind sharing yours? Promise not to bug you unless it’s important, but...something might come up.”

“Okay.” Modded hand lifting, Hinata does the same. “Just, um...avoid it if you can during business hours, in case I get screened, okay?”

“Will do. So...we even?”

“I guess so. I’ll let you know when I need you.”

“Sounds good. Hopefully sooner than later so we can get this squared away.” Giving a mock salute, Sasuke shoves hands into his pockets and just...disappears into the crowds.

Hinata watches, having completely forgotten about the now-cold coffee in her hand. Well...at least that should be a simple enough trade. She’ll call him in for her next arranged meeting, and have a little more peace of mind...and he’ll be free of his debt. Then they can both move on with their lives.

...but for now, they wait.

                                                      .oOo.

      (For previous works in this 'series', see days 250 and 254!)      Well, I'm officially back to being two days behind OTL I ended up with a majorly long, tiring day...and fell asleep early nursing a toothache. My bad ^^;      But, we're back with more of the cyberpunk AU! With a little more interaction between these two - and it seems they have a plan on how to get things even between them. Seems simple enough, right?      Riiight :3c      Anywho, it's very late, I'm still very tired, and I have even more to do tomorrow! Life is very busy lately, but I'll do by best to catch up soon. Either way though, thanks for reading (and for your patience)!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[scourgewins]

A Fateful Encounter

(Presenting my first fanfiction! Well, not my first fanfiction, but the first I’ve posted on a blog of my own. It’s not related to the Mafia AU (I’m still working on that. Get off my back, Drawing Entity!). Anyway, it’s about how Joey and Henry met for the first time. I remember Drawing Entity and I joked once about how they met, and I decided it was actually a great headcanon, so here you go! I hope you enjoy!) 

Fifteen year-old Joey Drew stepped out into the bright sunshine of a Spring afternoon. Taking a deep breath, the young man sighed reverently. The day was still full of potential, despite the long hours he’d spent in school. I think I’ll go home and draw a bit.

It was often Joey’s habit to draw, and sometimes animate, whenever he had free time. Joey already knew that once he was done with the rigmarole of school, he would start a cartoon studio, which had been his lifelong passion ever since he’d first seen an animation. Joey Drew Studios would become one of the greatest companies in the world, outshining all other animation studios. The young artist had absolutely no doubt in his mind that this would all come to pass; he knew he had the skill and the will to make it so. Straightening his bow tie, Joey made his way down the steps leading to the parking lot, excited for the day ahead.

“See you tomorrow, Joey!” someone called.

“You too, pal!” he answered.

“Bye, Joey!”

“Bye!”

Joey turned in the opposite direction from his peers, whistling a merry tune. He had parked a little ways away from the parking lot, having arrived at school a tad late, and therefore all the parking spaces had been taken. But Joey didn’t mind the walk. It was at these times when he was alone that he liked to brainstorm cartoon ideas, characters and plot lines and whatnot.

Joey was considered a popular student, by most everyone in school. He got along with almost everybody, and those who made it clear they didn’t like him, well, he let them ponder over it while nursing a black eye. He had often spoken to his peers of his aspirations of being a cartoonist and studio owner. They had all smiled politely, but it was clear none of them understood his vision. No one ever had. Not even his parents, who supported him in everything else, frowned upon his ambition. They thought it wasn’t a “real job” and told him to, “take his head out of the clouds.” But Joey knew he’d show them all what he could do, one day.

In the meantime, he remained an average teenager; he liked to hang out with his peers, to go to parties, to flirt, and sometimes be a bit rebellious, especially when angered. That very morning he’d had an argument with his parents. It had been a small one, about something that didn’t really matter and is of no consequence to this story. All that matters is that young Joey Drew, mad at his parents as one his age usually is, had decided to take his dad’s car to school.

His family owned two cars, so losing one was not so big a deal. The big deal was that Joey barely knew how to drive. He had never given driving much attention, taking it for granted that someone would always be there to chauffeur him. As it was, he had miraculously made it to school in the morning without hitting anything or anyone. That was about to change.

Arriving at his car, Joey tossed his pack in the back seat, and got behind the wheel, revving the car up. There was another car parked right in front of him, so he knew he’d have to back up to get out.

“Now, let’s see…” Joey murmured to himself, “How do I put the car in reverse?”

Joey was too busy eyeing the stick shift to notice a young man his age approaching. The man stopped on the sidewalk a little away from his car, and looked both ways down the lonely street. He, of course, noticed Joey in the car, but since the car wasn’t moving, and he was a satisfactory distance from it, he didn’t think he had anything to fear from it. So, confidently, the young man stepped out into the street.

“Aw, I’ve got it!” Joey exclaimed. In excitement, he stamped his foot on the pedal, and the car sped backward. Alarmed, Joey slammed his foot on the breaks, but not before he heard a loud thump! behind him, along with a sudden cry.

Feeling a cold sense of dread drop into his stomach, Joey sat for a few moments, staring into space, refusing to look behind him. At last, the initial shock of what had happened dissipated, and Joey found himself frantically throwing open his door and dashing to the back of his car. Please don’t be dead! Please don’t be dead!

Joey saw a young man, familiar to him from school, sit up slowly, groaning and rubbing his head. His pack had spilled open at the impact, and the contents were strewn about, but Joey paid them no heed, only sighing in relief that the man wasn’t dead. Descending to his knees, Joey settled beside him, looking him over to make sure he hadn’t damaged him too much. The man at last realized Joey was beside him, and looked at him with confusion in his brown eyes.

“You hit me with your car.” he said, matter-of-factly.

“That I did.” Joey replied, not knowing what else to say.

The man continued to stare at Joey, “Why did you do that?”

“I didn’t mean to!” Joey explained, “You just appeared out of nowhere!”

“Nowhere?” the man said, the initial shock of the event giving way to anger, “I was yards from you. You’re the one who slammed on the gas pedal and nearly ran me over!”

“That was an accident!” Joey said, defensively, “I didn’t know the car would go that fast!”

“Have you never driven a car before?”

“Well…” Joey looked down at the road sheepishly.

The man’s eyes widened, “You haven’t?”

“Not exactly...”

“Then why the heck are you driving one?”

Joey glared, “I don’t need to answer to you!”

“You hit me with your car.” The man said, fury in his gaze, “Heck yes, you have to a answer to me!”

“Well… I don’t know what to say!” Joey said, hurriedly. Panic was making his usually cool and collected mind shut down, so that all he could do was snap at his victim.

The man glared, “How about, ‘Sorry I hit you with my car’ ?”

“I’m sorry I hit you with my car!” Joey practically shouted.

“Thank you!” the man yelled.

“You’re welcome!”

The two of them sat in silence for a minute or two, letting their emotions calm down. At last, Joey glanced at his peer, who he now recognized as Henry.

“Are you alright?” he asked, gruffly.

Henry looked at Joey for a moment, then back at the ground, “My head hurts. I must have hit it on the pavement. But I should be fine by tomorrow.”

Joey nodded, relieved at that. His gaze wandered from Henry’s face to his pack, and the textbooks and papers that had fallen from it. The ambitious young man’s eyes widened as he beheld tons of drawings, even the makings of animations, drawn on many a piece of paper.

“Did you draw these?” Joey asked, seizing one of the papers, and staring at various drawings of cartoon people.

Henry snatched the paper back, his face reddening. “Yes.”

“They’re amazing!” Joey exclaimed, grabbing another.

This time Henry paused before taking the paper from him, “Do you really think so?”

“Absolutely! I’m an artist myself, and it takes one to know one.” So saying, Joey ran back to his car, and pulled out various drawings from his bag, showing them proudly to Henry. Henry looked at each of them in turn, his face slackening in surprise.

“These are great.” he said.

Joey plopped himself back on the ground beside Henry, eyeing his drawings, “You’ve got real talent, Henry.” Henry looked up at Joey, surprised he knew his name.

“Uh, thanks.” he replied, “You, too.”

“You shouldn’t be so shy about your drawings.” Joey continued, “You should show them off to everyone you meet. That’s what I do.”

Henry nodded, collecting his papers and textbooks, carefully placing them back in his bag, not knowing what to say. Joey smiled at him.

“Have you ever considered being a cartoonist?”

Henry paused, a sheet of papers in his hand, “I’ve given it some thought.”

“You should definitely be one.” Joey urged.

Henry looked at Joey for a second, then seemed to shake himself free of a thought. “It’s not a real job.” he mumbled, putting the remainder of his drawings back.

“Bunk!” Joey cried, “It’s as real a job as running a bank!”

Seeing the skeptical look on his fellow artist’s face, Joey said, with the air of one who has rehearsed this speech countless times, “I myself plan on running a cartoon studio when I am old enough. I will create tons of cartoons, that everyone will love the world over! ‘Joey Drew’ will become a household name, and my creations will be even more famous than Felix the Cat!”

Henry stared silently at Joey, thinking he was a tad unhinged, but still intrigued by what he had said. Henry didn’t much care if his animations reached international fame, but the very idea of drawing and animating for a living was enough to fill him with excitement, and Joey’s inspirational tones were very persuasive. Joey sensed the change in his peer’s perspective, and pressed on.

“Of course, I’d need more than just myself to animate. I’d need a score of animators to make my dream come true. Maybe one day you’ll be working for me, eh? What do you say?”

As crazy as it sounded, there was a certain appeal in it for Henry, but he wasn’t ready to commit himself just yet. After all, he hadn’t even made it through high school. “Maybe.” he said, standing up.

Joey rose as well, “I sure hope so, Henry. Oh, by the way, if you didn’t know, my name’s Joey.”

Henry smiled a little, “I knew that.” Everybody knew Joey.

“Well, this is the first time we’ve properly met, so…” Joey stuck out his hand. Henry looked at it a moment, then took it, and they shook hands firmly. Joey offered to drive Henry home, and Henry stared hard at him, letting him know that he most certainly would not be driving anywhere with him, and Joey seemed to recall the circumstances under which they’d met just now.

“Maybe you shouldn’t drive.” Henry reasoned.

“No, I’ve got the hang of it now, and my house isn’t far.”

Frowning, Henry saw it would be useless to argue, and only said, “Drive slowly.”

 “I will.” Joey replied, then looked at him meaningfully, “I’m glad I ran into you, Henry.” Henry didn’t smile at the joke, and Joey only pursed his lips and turned his car on. Henry turned and started walking away, pausing only to say, “See you around, Joey.”

Joey watched as Henry turned the corner, and was lost to his view. He sensed he’d be seeing a lot more of shy-old Henry from now on. Joey pressed the gas pedal lightly and headed home, driving very, very slowly.

[hozukitofu]

james bond can piss right off

okay, fine.

maybe wooyoung has too much pride in espionage. maybe thinking that he is the best won’t help him in the long run.

fine. 

that doesn’t explain any of this though. it doesn’t explain the unsuspecting traps, the literal net and poison combo deal that nabbed him the moment he rigged into the warehouse.

wooyoung is good at his job. it’s how he can demand a ridiculous sum of payment up front and collect even more after the job with guarantee that he will do well. but right now? he can kiss that diamond encrusted knife collection goodbye as he slumps sideways and hit the floor.

vaguely he can hear soft footsteps and a small chain of giggles as his vision tunnels and shutters off.

he wakes in a really undignified lump - flailing and rocking on a bound chair, legs coming off the ground. he’s inside a warehouse - surroundings are unclear to determine if it’s the one he’s meant to break into - tightly knotted to a chair. just a simple kitchen chair, wooden, can easily topple if he decides to rock a little too hard and fall over, breaking his nose on impact.

he received training to get out of chairs in these very specific situations, yes, but wooyoung’s fatal flaw is that when a situation hasn’t arrived in more than two years he tends to be slack on the details of how to deal with it specifically.

his mortal undoing will be his carelessness with a side of pride

“you’re up!” a soft voice cheers. “i thought we had to resort to a cold bucket of water to the face if you didn’t wake up and leave the party.”

“that wasn’t a very fun party,” he grouses, peeking open an eye. tall, his capturer is tall. male, so that makes fighting his way out probably a little bit harder. “where are all the music and terrible alcohol?”

“didn’t have that, but you did take in a healthy dose of chloroform,” the culprit bends down, lower, until he reaches eye level with wooyoung, goggles and a face mask obscuring all signs of possible identifiable features.

yeosang is going to cut him open and eat his liver if he returns without either the intel needed or some form of identification on the one who managed to usurp his unshakable post as Master Spy.

“no wonder my mouth still tastes sweet,” he laments, though not bitterly. everything is still too woozy and baffling that he can’t exactly put a finger on it. 

“i try my best,” the man in the shadow, the thing with the sweet voice - seriously, is that a real voice? is he just hallucinating? can he tell how many fingers are there in front of him if someone does try to test his sight? “apologies for the ambush. i can’t have others jeopardising my objective.”

“i can understand that,” wooyoung grunts, working a wrist free as he wobbles and pretends to have terrible balance on a bound, shaky chair. uneven legs, ha ha, he can claim. “emphatically.”

“i’m so glad we have something in common,” he can hear the smile and the genuine pleasantry, dripping from his culprit’s drawling tone. why does he speak Like That?

“yeah…” he inches away, shaking loose and sweaty hair from flopping even further into his eyes and eyelashes. “so glad…”

“your sarcasm wounds me. i thought we had a connection,” the person laments, hand clasping the front of his long sweeping coat - can people genuinely move in that, wooyoung just want to talk. 

“we would, if you would show me your face,” he coughs, hoping that it’s loud enough to mask the rip of fabric that just went on in the back of his tightly bound hand. he thinks it’s the handcuff, hybridised with something that hitches on top of holding him in. unlike the chair situation, he actually paid attention when the knots lectures came about. his long lost dream was to be a sea pirate, so he obsessed over knots and ship diagrams when he was younger, and then that dream had to be adapted to becoming an internationally hunted espionage agent, occasionally boarding ships to dig through people’s loots and information before escaping through the steam room’s window and swimming to a canoe waiting nearby.

but pirate childhood dream aside, he still can’t get out. the problem is that while he is great at tying people up, he can’t get his brain to do the reverse of untying himself from difficult knots that he can do himself fast enough to avoid a rapid round of gunfire or a hostage situation, which, he is unfortunately in one at the moment. 

“i don’t do interrogation until the third date,” there is a wink in there, wooyoung can tell. damn, his brain is bad with memorising voices. he is a visual learner, and right now the entire assemble this guy has got going for him is really bloody effective. he can’t ascertain a definitive height, body shape, face shape, eye - nothing. nada. zilch. Zero.

argh yeosang and hongjoong-hyung are both going to gang up and dangle him on the top of a telecommunication tower somewhere, for failing this mission. there is no winning if he isn’t in the specified location that he was meant to target and rob the intel of, there is no winning if he had been gassed and bound and definitely no victory in not being able to pinpoint who captured him and jeopardise his mission.

“damn,” he sighs, dramatic and dejected. wait. date. 

maybe -

perhaps…

he’s good at what he does because all his skills and arsenals are trained towards efficiency at spying and getting himself out of compromising situations. he himself had never been a. been in a seduction mission before or b. been on the receiving end of an odd proposition in the middle of a mission gone sideways. 

there is a first for everything. there are always ways out, you’re not looking hard enough, hongjoong’s voice nags at him in his coconut numbskull. 

okay. okay. he can do this. play this game, and see if he can do anything about it.

“what do you normally do on your first dates?” he throws himself forward, dragging his chair with his lurch frontward. 

his kidnapped in black only laughs, catching him across the shoulder and righting him. he doesn’t smell like anything, deceptively free of cologne or aftershave or a brand of detergent. nothing. zero signs given to him. damn. not even a crumb.

“well, we’d tell each other what we would go by, but i can see that you’re at a slight disadvantage - i did a bit of a facebook stalking round, don’t feel bad if you haven’t done the same yet. the woes of blind dating,” the voice is charming, and it’s nice to listen to, but the fake cheeriness is slowly bleeding out to genuine cheek. okay so wooyoung is mostly an obstacle to be removed, but he also garnered enough interest to prompt this chat and the subtle veneer of maybe mockery in his cheery voice.

he can tell that much, but he’s not an idiot. he knows he’s been researched inside out to be rendered into a chair and bound, and that’s the kind of research he’d like to have insight to, because wooyoung is a ghost story among the spying world. people don’t think he exists, and have to go through a chain of convoluted communication lines to reach out to him and request his service, with money always at the ready. he is famous, but literally only ten people know his face, because his face is similar to many others - a curse, but now a blessing. he had pretended to be park jimin too many times for him to count, an apology to the politician himself, but, if the shoe fits, he’ll take that shoe and running off with it.

so maybe this is just an opportunity to gloat - look at me, i one upped the great wooyoung, got him tied up in a chair, as i skip away with the intel he was meant to collect for his mission. 

that is deeply uncomfortable to think about. wooyoung has to one up him back, return the favour. he’s playing this game with literally no arms, no sight, just his ears and his brain working overtime. he thinks he might scrape a crumb from this situation yet.

“wouldn’t it be common courtesy to let your date know something to call you by? i’ve been so kind as to show up to the date. you wouldn’t break a poor man’s heart by leaving him in the dark like this?” he thinks this is a good attempt of a breathy, seductive voice, from the vague corners of his memory of how ‘seduction’ is supposed to work. 

“ah,” there is careful consideration in that one sound. wooyoung hopes it’s an hmm i might indulge in your silly requests and give you a fake name, and not now i have to kill you because you’re getting more annoying by the minute and my gloating moment is over. “i thought you don’t play the seduction game.”

wooyoung nods until his brain catches up with the words and he’s nodding as his brain plays W H A T  to the accompaniment of a cambodian gong as everything goes off in flames .  

“you’re special,” wooyoung winks, greasy and disgusting, and lets the playful expression slides off his face completely. “also you one upped me and i have to play you right back.”

“that’s not very gentlemanly of you,” the stranger chides. “now how can i give you a name or a hint?”

“a hint cannot be any more misleading than a name, so,” he hangs his head, aware that there are hands still planted on his shoulder. he shrugs them off, hopping back on his chair, brain thinking hard. a wrist of his is loose enough to twist around and smack this one across the face, but then he has to let that distance be regained. gain back the weird tantalising space that hostage and kidnapper allow between them, prey and predator, moments before disaster strikes.

“well,” and the first step is taken. wooyoung watches, narrowing his eyes, as the distance between them is lessened, as the shadowy figure kneels in front of him, hand pressing into his vest. “if you interest me enough, i promise to give you a useful hint.”

he doesn’t know jackshit about being interesting or anything pertaining to that, but he knows an opportunity when it presents itself to him, and he rips an arm socket nearly loose from his shoulder joint, swinging it across the face of his kidnapper, the reaction going exactly to plan, dislodging the ugly pair of glasses away, revealing the temple and mellow skin, sweet golden baked pastries.

damn wooyoung needs to eat something. he keeps thinking of people and things in terms of edibility. he half wanted to munch on his handkerchief just hours before. snack, whenever he gets back, and a lot of it.

“ah,” hard pressed eyes, really deep brown - almost black, squeeze into a pleasant line of smile at him - can a person smile with their eyes? he’s not sure, but this one is doing it, and doing it brilliantly.

he has some eyes. he’s literally never seen anyone with those eyes before. surely yeosang can do something, like scan security footages with matching eyes or something.

eyes are really not much to go on for, but look, he scraped himself a crumb, at the cost of nearly dislocating his arm. he should get some brownie points for that.

“i guess you already ripped the hint away from me,” the eyes, animated and lively, squeeze themselves into two crescents of pleased surprise. wooyoung can take comfort in not being sniped in the chest by this guy, but, once again, he still thinks there are guns hidden somewhere in that ridiculous billowing coat and the stupid cowboy hat. he himself had hidden twenty guns and fifteen knives in his suit before, and it was a semi-casual suit. it’s not that hard with weapons nowadays. 

“what a damn shame,” he drawls right back, vicious and petty, just like who he is, deep down, when he loses at a game. “i was going to beg, but,” he shrugs, half checking on his shoulder, half flexing on this guy. one all, bastard. your move.

“but you are above that, i am aware,” the eyes mirror the amused tone the voice puts out, flashing brief caramel under wooyoung’s chloroform gassed up head. “it wouldn’t be a fun game if one of us has the upper hand perpetually.”

those are really pretty eyes, and under different circumstances, outside of his job, when he’s just jung wooyoung, international politics graduate, dance enthusiast, not WY, elite spy master, then maybe he could’ve gone for it. 

not now, not here. they’ve started on a bad foot already. he doesn’t know what he might do if they do encounter each other, mask completely stripped off from each other. 

“yeah, gotta keep my standards high, my guys lower,” he winks, trying to wriggle his way out of his hold. “what are you going to do with that intel?”

a gloved hand taps the inner lining of his coat, an eye blinking into a wink. 

“sell it.”

wooyoung breathes out harshly. of course he would. 

“of course you would,” he rolls his eyes. “and i was just a little bit later and less experienced in coming up against you.”

“i wouldn’t say you’re less experienced,” the man twirls a long finger, gloved, completely black. “just a little unprepared. i had the element of surprise on my end this time. next time, well,” he leaves that hanging, stopping right in front of wooyoung. “it’s fair game.”

“i don’t know how long you’ve been playing on this field for, but there is no such thing as fair game,” he hooks a finger into his stun gun, drawing it out, pointing point blank, between the nice eyebrows and expressive eyes. “it would only hurt a little.”

“you never cease to surprise me, wooyoung,” is all he gets, before the mask is tugged down, a line of a hooked nose ridge, before a shower of smoke, and the complete disappearance of a master ghost spy.

okay. okay hongjoong and yeosang would not be happy with this. 

nobody should know wooyoung’s name. how did this one know?

part 2! 

[thejoonmoon]

big3 privilege isn't real y'all just intimidated by them when they come and steal the spotlight from your favs

man, i’ve been on hiatus from this website for like three months now where tf did you get the energy to message me this

second of all, do you know what you’re saying?? the reason why big three groups “come and steal the spotlight from our favs” is literally BECAUSE of their big three privilege 

when we say that the big three privilege is real, we don’t mean that any group/artist that debuts under them is automatically going to succeed. we’re saying, however, that them being under a big three agency gives them the LEVERAGE to succeed. we’re talking about name brand and resources. the access to quality producers, writers, directors, stylists, choreographers, trainers, music videos and more. the automatic association you get with popular, established artists (e.g. e*o with sh*nee and s*perjunior, bl*ckpink with 2n*1 and b*gbang, tw*ce with park jinyoung and w*ndergirls), the ability to media play your articles and get on popular tv shows even when your group just debuted, the fortune to live in a relatively nice dorm and get paid well even when you’re on hiatus.

meanwhile, smaller company groups don’t get that sort of platform when they debut. they have to rely on themselves for everything (which is frankly really hard to do in a saturated music industry like kpop) bc they don’t come from a company strong enough to give them that boost that’s enough to get at least SOME attention from the public and would allow them to get a sliver of the resources the big three has

take bts for example. 

when they were trainees, they were crammed 15+ people into 15 pyeong (533 sq feet) two room apartment. they had to get parttime jobs in order to support themselves in addition to dealing with their rigorous training and academic career. yoongi said that he had to live off of $300 per month and would come down to a choice between eating or taking the bus. they didn’t even have enough money to buy stationary paper. 

when the news of their oncoming debut came out, they had nobody to associate themselves with besides for bang shi hyuk and so nobody batted an eye when they saw the article. they debuted under an in-debt company, lived 7 members packed like sardines to one room (with jk on a bare mattress on the floor), practiced practically 20 hours a day in a small practice room, had to rewear cheap stage outfits frequently, still had to rely on allowance from their parents, only to face severe prejudice from the public, disregard from their superiors, and get cut from music shows. bighit’s producers themselves had to produce dark&wild in a fucking GARAGE while they were in la.

they literally started from NOTHING and didn’t even get a substantial amount of attention/wealth under nearly three years of nonstop activity after their debut. even now, their articles frequently get blocked from the public.

do you see big three artists ever struggling the same way? no not really- I wonder why

[bornsingerwiththem]

Men Who Can’t Love (Final)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Angst Word Count: 4.3k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Summary: You are finally doing okay without Jungkook in your life, but he can’t be happy without you.

A/N: Hello guys! I’m finally done with my first story! I want to thank everyone who’s been following along. This is the angstiest chapter so, hope you enjoy! 

It’s only been a few weeks since his life took an unexpected turn but it felt like years. Jungkook was genuinely trying to work things out with W/N in hopes to give his child the best life he could. Some days he would treat her to breakfast in bed, give her foot massages, and even do every chore there was. If his wife was now carrying his first child then he had to treat her with utmost care making sure she didn’t do too much.

Things were going well with his company too. With the new marketing strategies that his partner suggested they’ve seen an increase in their revenue. They were doing good financially but things were more stressful than before. Employees were being more demanding and having to deal with this along with his personal problems were taking a toll on him. Not to mention Y/N. He couldn’t stop thinking about her as much as he tried.

Every morning his thoughts are full of Y/N while he gets ready for another day of work. Just remembering her warm smile was enough to get him through the day. He missed her so much but he couldn’t bring himself to visit her.

 Knowing he had no self control when it came to Y/N, he tried to stay away. He has been working too hard to restore his relationship with his wife to let it all go to waste. His child did not deserve that.

“Hobi get up” you nudged him until you scared him awake, “I’m starving let’s go get dinner. My treat!” you shot a smile while getting dressed. Today he came over unexpectedly like always and you hadn’t even eaten lunch yet.

“Aghh Y/N.. can’t you give me like ten more minutes?” he groaned and pulled the sheets back over his head. “I’m so tired, those kids always wear me out so much.” He had just recently started working at a dance academy that focused on hiphop which was his specialty since he’s been dancing all his life basically.

“I know, I know. But I also know how I get when I don’t get my daily dose of food so.. SEE YA” you said and ran out the room. He immediately jumped up and started collecting his clothes from the floor, “Noooo wait I’m hungry too! Don’t abandon me!!” he rushed and got dressed before you left him.

Lately that’s been your life. Go to work, come home, and meet Hobi later in the day. You forgot how funny he was and having him around really helped you keep your mind off Jungkook.

Hobi always has the most interesting topics to talk about and it honestly motivates you to get your life together. He found a job where he gets paid to do something he loves and you couldn’t be happier for him. He also keeps talking about this certain girl he just met at the academy. You knew his frequent visits will eventually stop once he finds the guts to ask her out.

Right now he’s keeping your lonely self company which you’re completely grateful for, but if he ever settles down with someone you would be happy for him. He’s a great person and deserves nothing but the best, and sadly you’re not the one destined give him that.

“Hey baby?” W/N calls out for Jungkook who is downstairs vacuuming, “Are you hungry?” she asks as she hears him coming up the stairs.

“No not really I already ate at work. Why? Do you want something to eat honey?” he says and sits down on the couch in front of their bed taking a break from cleaning.

“Well I was kind of craving a chicken sandwich. Lately chicken is the only thing on my mind” she laughed into the pillow to hide her face of embarrassment and Jungkook couldn’t help but smile. He was reminded of old times.

“Don’t be shy it’s okay. Our little child wants it so I’ll go get it” Jungkook said as he stretched his back before getting up “I know a good place.” he walked towards the closet to grab a coat. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

The line at Chick-fil-A was ridiculous! ‘I mean I get it, it’s Friday night and everyone is out but today of all days it had to be packed’ Jungkook complained to himself and pulled out his phone. 

He was scrolling through his Instagram feed looking at all his friends post and seeing how happy they looked. ‘Why can’t I be happy too?’ he sighed and looked up from his phone. For a second there he could have sworn he saw your face further ahead in the line. Was he imagining things now?

You used to always drag Jungkook to this place because chicken was what you lived for and this was your favorite spot to eat at when you wanted something quick. Even now.

‘Some things just don’t change’ he leaned back on the wall as he reminisced. He just wanted to walk up to you and ask how your day was or something. Anything just to talk to you. But wait.. Who was that next to you?

You were standing next to Hoseok and he was making you laugh like always. Perhaps looking a bit too comfortable with you to Jungkook’s liking. The line moved up but you didn’t notice so Hobi lead you forward with his hand low on your waist. Jungkook rolled his eyes at the gesture.

“What are you getting Hobi?” you asked but he wasn’t paying attention to you. 

Hoseok caught Jungkook glaring but tried to not be obvious and simply looked away. “Hobi?” you nudged him.

“Oh you said something?” he asked and looked up at the menu.

“Yes I asked you what you were getting dummy.”

“Well I don’t really come here often now do I pretty lady?” he booped your nose, “So I’ll just get whatever you get.” he said looking back but Jungkook was nowhere to be found.

Jungkook was fuming. He couldn’t bear staying there a second longer and stormed out opting for the drive thru instead. He still had to get his wife that chicken sandwich she craved. 

But why was he so angry? He couldn’t understand it. Sure he missed you but what what this feeling? It wasn’t even something he should be mad about.

Seeing you with another man made him want to go and yank you from his arms. Who did he think he was? Touching you like you were his. What he hated the most was that he couldn’t do anything about it. You weren’t his girlfriend to begin with and he already had too much on his plate. Why couldn’t he just be happy?

Jungkook finally got that damn sandwich that his wife so conveniently craved today and headed back home. He was so not concentrating on the road and had a heart attack when he nearly rear ended the car in front of him. “Fuck! What’s up with all these red lights!?” he hit his steering wheel.

‘Music always helps, right’ he turned up the radio in an attempt to calm down and distract himself. It sure as hell wasn’t working but he was already pulling into his driveway anyway. He quickly made his way to the house not wanting anything else but to sleep.

W/N heard the door shutting loudly announcing her husbands arrival. “Hey he’s here. I’ll talk to you later okay? Bye, take care.” she hung up and made her way down.

“Here’s your sandwich.” Jungkook grabbed the brown bag and tossed it on the table making his way upstairs.

“Aren’t you gonna eat with me?” she looked back at him “Let’s eat toge..” Jungkook cut her off.

“Do you not listen to me?? I told you I already ate. And I hate chicken sandwiches!” he slammed the door behind him.

Of course he doesn’t like them. He only liked them when he ate them with you. But now you’re doing the same things you did with him with another guy. ‘I guess she already forgot about me’ he sighed and leaned against the door.

“Are you serious?! I can’t believe she made a move before you Hobi!!” you hit the table and continued your laughing fit that brought tears to your eyes.

“Okay, okay laugh all you want” Hoseok said looking around at all the people that were now staring at you. He leaned closer to tell you something privately, “but don’t you think that’s hot as fuck tho?” he shot you a smug smile when you finally looked up and took a sip of his coke.

“I mean yeah she’s my hero and all but what happened to you? Did you forget about all the messages you sent me?” you noticed his lightly colored cheeks deepen in color.

“I know but that’s another story Y/N. I actually feel nervous around her you know?” he said looking out the window. “Just the way she carries herself. She’s so confident and it makes me want her even more.” he touched his forehead dramatically. “You should see how much patience she has with the little ones we teach. I wonder if they ship us?”

“Oh my God Hobi I’m sure they do now eat your sandwich before it gets cold.” you pushed his untouched food closer to him. “So where is she taking you?”

“I don’t know actually. She said it’s a surprise so that’s exciting..” he said before taking a bite, “Wow Y/N this shit tastes better than you!”

“Did you really just compare me to a sandwich?” you shot him one of those looks he does when he’s disgusted. “Speaking of that.. I don’t think we should fuck around as much anymore.”

“Why is that?” he said looking a bit surprised, “You don’t love me now?”

This kid. Why is it so hard to have a serious conversation with him? Boy were you gonna miss him.

“No Hobi it’s not that but I think you should dedicate yourself to her. And only her.” you said giving him a serious expression.

“Yeah i guess you have a point there. BUT HEY!! We’re still gonna be friends forever right??” he was actually serious this time. “You’re honestly one of my coolest friends..”

“Of course Hobi!” you said and started throwing your trash away, “Are you done? Let’s go.”

The next day Jungkook wakes up to an empty bed. ‘Hmm where is she..’ he thought as he went to the bathroom to wash his face. It was supposed to be his day off but he doesn’t feel like staying at home trapped with his thoughts.

He decides to go make breakfast for him and W/N. But wait.. the door is locked. Did he accidently leave her out last night? ‘Ugh I’m such a dumbass.’ As he makes his way downstairs he sees the brown bag where he left it yesterday. She didn’t even eat it. W/N was downstairs too laying on the couch.

He walks up to her sleeping form. As much as he nudged her he couldn’t get her to wake up. ‘She must of not gotten a good night’s rest’ he says and carries her bridal style up to the bedroom. She’s as light as ever, is she not eating enough?

Jungkook goes back downstairs and cooks up enough eggs and bacon for two people. While eating he contemplates sending Y/N a message but quickly stops himself. He was already an asshole to W/N last night, he didn’t have to do this to her as well.

“I should get her flowers sometime.. maybe she’ll like that.” he said and put on coat, getting ready to leave.

Just like you thought, Hoseok stop coming over as often. And when he did it was to chit-chat and catch up which you were totally okay with. His company was the only thing you wanted anyway. Although he rarely came over because now he had other priorities.

Honestly you were not as lonely as you thought you’d be. Of course having your family far away didn’t help but at least you were doing well on your own.

Jungkook still crossed your mind every now and then but you weren’t sad anymore. Closure would have been nice.. yeah, but now you were over it. You didn’t want to see him. That would just break you again.

What would you even tell him anyway? Hey why did you leave without saying anything? That’s kind of fucked up.’ Noooo that’s stupid. You would sound crazy. He probably doesn’t care about what you have to say.

Jungkook was so excited and couldn’t wait to go home. He bought the biggest and prettiest bouquet of flowers for W/N and he felt like he was finally doing the husband thing right. Perhaps things could actually work out and he can be happy with his child and W/N. He felt proud of himself because now his baby will have a happy family to be raised in. That’s all he wanted.

He arrives home earlier than usual to surprise W/N and quietly makes his way to their bedroom hiding the bouquet of flowers behind him. Midway through he hears her talking. ‘Did she invite a friend over?’ he thought and kept getting closer until he could make up the words she was saying.

“Yeah I can’t believe how easy it was Jenny. He fell for it with no questions asked!” he heard W/N laugh and stopped walking up the stairs. What is she talking about?

“What do you mean why? I don’t have or want a job and his company is finally reaching the six-figures! Best believe I’m not saying bye to that!” she said and got up to grab her glass of wine from the coffee table.

‘Wine!? How can she be drinking wine right now??’ Jungkook was about to go in and confront W/N about drinking wine but stopped when he heard her speak up once again.

“Well I don’t know when exactly. Once I have him wrapped around my finger again, I’ll fake a miscarriage or something. I mean I can’t come out clean Jenny.” Jungkook had enough and walked into the room to sees W/N in her silk robe sipping on some wine, and talking on the phone.

He drops the flowers to the ground and the thud got W/N’s attention. She quickly tries to hide the glass of wine like Jungkook hasn’t already seen it.

“Fake a miscarriage? W/N what are you talking about, are you not pregnant?” Jungkook said in a soft voice trying to choke back his tears.

“No Kookie of course I am, why wou..” she was cut off.

“No don’t even try to cover it up. I heard you!! I heard everything you had to say. What a disgusting bitch you are.” he said surprising himself with his choice of words while W/N was incredulous to what was happening right now. Did she really just admit to everything?

“Here I am like a dumbass trying to work things out with you for OUR CHILD that doesn’t even fucking exist. Just because you want my money? You’re pathetic. Worst than I thought.”

“Jungkook please let me explain” W/N said  getting closer “you don’t understand!” she tried clinging on to him but he just kept backing away from her.

“Get off me already! I don’t want you!!” Jungkook walked to the bed and grabbed W/N’s phone throwing it at her feet. “Call your friend Jenny again. Tell her how your plan just backfired and that now you need a new place to stay in.” he told her with the darkest gaze she’s seen on him. This was the first time she’s ever been scared of Jungkook.

He went to grab a leather jacket, “Pack your things. You better be gone by the time I get back.” he said as he put it on, walked down the stairs and slammed the door. The walls trembled with the force he closed the door with. W/N could hear one of their wall decorations fall on the ground breaking and she throws her glass of wine to the wall.

Why? Why did Jungkook have to find out and ruin everything! Only if she wasn’t stupid enough to be speaking it out loud. Even if she thought Jungkook wasn’t home. But she can’t call Jenny. How embarrassing would that be?

W/N began packing her bags. She didn’t know where she was going but she couldn’t bear seeing Jungkook again. She felt so humiliated and seeing him would only make it worse. She grabbed everything in sight that belonged to her and put it in her luggage.

She couldn’t help but get nostalgic while packing. With a blurry vision she looked around the room that felt so empty without her things. She loved this place so much.. It was hard to think this would be her last time seeing it.

Before heading out the door she stops and slowly gives the house a final scan. Everything was designed to her liking. It was so simple and minimalistic. But now it’s not hers anymore.

Jungkook had left his home without a destination. He just couldn’t stand being in her presence anymore. He was slowly achieving happiness until it all came crashing down like always.

How could W/N do something like this to him? He was right all along. She wasn’t the same person she was when they got married. She no longer had life goals. Always wanting to stay home and do nothing. So used to an easy life and having everything laid out for her. How can someone live like this?

Tears started rolling down his face. The betrayal of his life sinking deep within him. He didn’t have a place to escape to anymore but all he wanted right now was to hug you and tell you how stupid he was for not reaching out to you. If only you knew how pathetic he’s become.

Deciding he’s given W/N enough time to pack and leave he heads back home. His headache was killing him and he couldn’t stand driving aimlessly anymore.

There’s a deafening silence in his home that makes him feel suffocated. He’s not used to this. Everywhere he looks reminds him of how he imagined his little child running around having the time of their life. His creation, so tiny and beautiful. But it was all a lie. That only makes his heart hurt even more. He was so used to the idea of being a father that he had anticipated his child so much.

No he can’t do this. He needs to get out of here.

Jungkook mindlessly texts you.

You jumped up when you saw his contact name pop up in you screen. He was the last person you expected to message you on a Tuesday night. What does he want? By the looks of it he seems sad. Why didn’t he talk to his wife, was she out of town or something?

And he wanted to come over?! You didn’t know how to feel about that. You’re not his toy that he can use whenever he pleases. But he said he wanted to talk.. maybe that’s not a bad idea. Ugh what should you do??

Before you regretted it you sent him a text giving him permission to come.

Oh but look at you! Your hair is a hot mess and your lounging outfit wasn’t the cutest.. Well whatever. Who were you trying to impress anyway.

“Y/N!” you heard a broken shout from the living room, “Where are you?” you peeped from your room door.

“Oh it’s you? Omg you almost scared me to death Jungkook! Ever heard of knocking?” you said sitting down on your favorite spot of the couch. “Whatever you need to say, make it quick. I’m busy watching my drama” you said trying to sound as uninterested as you possible.

Jungkook couldn’t believe his eyes. It was you, finally. Everything about you was perfect right now. Especially your messy bun with the random strands falling effortlessly on your face. Just the sight of you was enough to let him breathe peacefully for once.

Giving him the cold shoulder after not seeing him for so long was honestly the hardest thing ever. He looked so good in that white t-shirt and his fluffy hair, ugh you loved his fluffy hair. You slowly looked up at him and noticed how swollen his eyes were.

“Jungkook what happened to you? Why were you crying?” you suddenly forgot about your facade and walked over to him. This was your first time seeing him like this and it broke your heart.

“Y/N.. I missed you so much. How could I have left you? I’m so stupid. And for what? That crazy bitch?” he said as he dropped onto the couch averting his gaze from yours. You had no idea what he was talking about but did he just say he missed you?

“She lied Y/N! She trapped me with her lies! And my baby.. ” his eyes were starting to water again. “My baby wasn’t even real!” he said throwing his head at his hands in defeat. He didn’t want to break down in front of you.

“Jungkook calm down” you said sitting down next to him and rubbed his back. He was very distressed, you thought it’d be better for him to get some rest so he can properly talk. “It’s okay we can talk about it later. You need some rest right now” you said guiding him to your bed.

It felt silly tucking him into bed but he was already drifting into sleep. You didn’t really feel like it was right to stay with him so you made your way out the door, but before you got further away you felt him tugging at your wrist.

“Don’t leave Y/N..” he said quietly but you continued walking instead. He didn’t let go of your wrist so you looked back at him. He looked so cute in his sleepy state, almost like a child.

 “Please?” you heard him say.

A loud bang startled you awake. You give yourself a big needed stretch on the bed before sitting up and looking at the clock that read 11:36pm. When did you even fall asleep? There’s another loud noise coming from the kitchen so you decide to get up and investigate.

You find Jungkook trying to work the oven, “Jungkook why are you making so much noise?’ you say before yawning and rubbing your eyes.

“Oh sorry Y/N did I wake you? I just got really hungry so I helped myself to one of your frozen pizzas” he gave you a cheeky smile, “but how do you work this thing?” he said looking back at the oven like it was alien technology.

He was like a completely different person than from earlier. You help him turn on the oven and prepare the pizza together. He seemed to be enjoying himself, smiling at you often. You both sit down on your dining table to talk while you wait for the pizza.

“So you’re saying that your wife faked a pregnancy?” you say, shock evident in your face.

“Don’t call her that. I’m filing for divorce as soon as possible.” he said with a serious tone. 

“I was so used to the idea of having a baby on the way. That’s why I didn’t contact you. I was trying so hard to prepare myself for my kid.” he said looking down at his hands.

It was hard to think of something comforting to say. You could only imagine how much pain he had to go through.

“It broke my heart to know that I was waiting for nothing all along” he sighed. 

”All this time without you made me realize how much I need you in my life Y/N..” he grabbed your hand and interlocked his fingers with yours.

You weren’t over what he did to you despite the situation so you were about to let his hand go but you heard him speak again.

“Y/N I love you.” he looked at you with sincere eyes.

Your heart started to beat faster and you were suddenly nervous. What just happened? Is this a dream?

He squished your hand a little to get your attention. He wanted a response. What should you do? Of course you loved him back but he’s a man who can’t love. Was he serious right now? You can’t confess your love to him this quickly.

“Jungkook I..” you were about to say it but the oven timer interrupted you, “Pizza’s ready!” you quickly got up and ran away.

“Damn baby this pizza tastes amazing!” Jungkook said with his eyes closed as you focused on the drama you were watching earlier. “But not as good as you..” he said looking at you with a smug face.

You laughed harder than you intended to, “Stop comparing me to food!!”

“But this is the first time I do?” he looked over at you with suspicious eyes, “By the way, who was that guy you were with at our usual place?”

“Huh? What place?” you said trying to stall.

“Our chicken sandwich place Y/N!” he whined like a child, “I saw you there with another guy. He wasn’t even as cute as me.” he said pulling one of the pettiest faces.

“Ohh Hobi? Haha he’s just a close friend of mine.” you told him nervously and took another bite of your pizza. You weren’t about to admit how he fucked you in the same bed Jungkook just woke up from.

“Hmmm a little too close I’d say.” he drops his pizza and makes his way over to you, “Now c’mon we got a lot of catching up to do” he smirks down at you before picking you up and giving your ass a spank playfully.

“Jungkook my pizza!” you say as he drags you away.

“The pizza can wait baby, but I can’t.”

He carefully put you down on the bed and passionately kissed your lips like his life depended on them.

You thought you were over him but having him close to you one more time made you appreciate him that much more. Finally he was yours, and yours only.

[millenniumfae]

hi fae! i was wonderng if u could give me some advice as an ace poc on this other ace poc character im writing. its for an urban fantasy series w/ 4 main characters, 3 of whom are non white. the character im concerned abt is korean/american and demisexual. ive read a lot of discourse about asian characters being desexualized in media and as a white woman i want to avoid reinforcing those stereotypes, but also keep ace rep. other characters def perceive him as attractive and hes also not my (1/2)

ace character (the other is a white sex indifferent girl). truthfully the story is more about interpersonal relationships and found family with dashes of action than about any of the characters identities. im ace myself and this character is someone i feel i can really get ppl to identify with. do you have any tips about staying in my lane/what to avoid?

Well, let’s be very specific; it’s some Asian men that suffer desexualization in the given term. Largely, when we discuss the Asian experience, we are talking about objectification - the removal of a voice and autonomy in their sexuality. 

Desexualizing Asian men often occurs when they’re in comparison to ‘real men’ and ‘real male sexuality’. It’s a quick way to ‘emasculate’ the partners of Asian women, and tell these women that they deserve better than men who can’t fulfill their little womanly desires.

But in my experience, Asian men are much more likely to be objectified alongside Asian non-men, than they are to be desexualized. Because we’re not just talking about your given straight cisgender frat boys in State, we’re taking about any and all sexual individuals who have their own misconceptions of Asian people, and how Asian people relate to their sexual desires.

In my own experience of being aspec and Asian, the primary reaction (upon someone knowing that I am both) is an immediate reduction of my worth as a person. I was invited to this party to stand there and be sexy, not because I’m an actual guest. Insert-fellow-college-student-here will never ask for my peer opinion again, because why bother talking to me at all? Date #1 asks me if I know what ‘asexuality actually means’ and orders me to imagine an erect penis, date #2 turns into a therapist with an obvious intent to ‘cure my trauma’ so they can continue the night as planned, date #3 gets dangerously angry and is seconds from having a meltdown because they ‘don’t appreciate being lied to’.

So as you can probably guess, I’m very much not impressed with the sudden interest in telling Asian people that we could NOT be asexual, and having that movement couched as progressiveness. 

It’s more than ‘enforcing stereotypes’. It’s about the lack of real-life Asian voices regardless the material. AKA, a lack of paychecks paid towards us, a lack of media attention, a lack of autonomy over our creative endeavors. 

Writing characters of color is a discussion in itself. We (and by ‘we’, I mean both white and not) will most likely encounter characters of color that engage the audience like the audience is white. Or, at the very least, not of their own race and culture.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and it can be carefully justified. A good example includes Raul from Fallout New Vegas - one of the companions the player can recruit. Raul is voiced by a famous American latin-american-speaking actor, Raul’s spanish words are not translated in the subtitles, Raul makes several allusions to his life in Mexico as a Mexican man.

Raul is no token Mexican stereotype, he is a character with strong Mexican backgrounds and stands on his two feet as a character of color. He talks to the player in a way that implies that the player is shoehorned into being not Mexican themselves, but it’s only a slight suspicion and you can also say his outsider’s opinion on the player’s background can instead be attributed to his age - he’s nearly 200 years old, and talks about the world pre-nuclear apocalypse. 

Is Raul ‘obviously’ written by a non-Mexican writer? You’d have to talk to someone who’d be more familiar with that, but there’s enough on Raul’s benefit for me to claim that he’s a passible example of a fictional man of color.

So what’s a character obviously written by white people, for white people? Continuing the Latin route, Mass Effect: Andromeda’s Reyes Vidal is… hhhhhh. His face is a white model spraypainted tan, instead of having different hairlines or a differently shaped nose and mouth and forehead and etc. He’s voiced by a white british actor who does an atrocious job at faking some sort of spicy latin accent. He exists primarily as some sort of captivating, mysterious Sexual Being - every interaction with Reyes involves dates, or otherwise hints at sexual histories. Any moment that doesn’t, it’s about his failure as an honest man.

He’s obviously meant to be a sexual interest. That itself wouldn’t be a problem, but add in the fake ‘latin’ accent and spraypainted white model and lack of any indicator of him as someone from an actual culture and society? Very not good. 

Reyes is what happens when you take your default white character, and decide to spruce him up for spiciness points. Raul, on the other hand, is someone who was built from the ground up as having that very specific of color experience.

The mistakes that gave way to Mass Effect’s Reyes is what I see most primarily, and it’s what I encourage all to avoid. 

So lets consider your goal of writing a Korean man, and compare the worst case scenario versus what you’d want to aim for. So you, under pen name Cassandra Blair, introduce Yoosung Baekhyun (named after your favorite dating sim character and kpop member combined into one), and he’s a lily-delicate elven boytoy when he enters the room. By chapter five, it’s clear that our exotic ricefairy has neither interest nor knowledge of sexuality, leaving him completely out of any sexual discussion - and therefore by extension, he has little voice in any written development in bodily autonomy.

Everything about Yoosung Baekhyun is to be pliant under the hands of an outside force. If he doesn’t have neither an interest nor a voice in sexual discussions, that leaves a big empty hole where anyone could fill it with whatever, should they wish. His lack of voice and autonomy makes him into an object for the purposes of your other characters. 

Instead, let’s say that Yoosung has a voice. A large one. He’s got that Jughead sarcasm when it comes to dealing with sexuality, and gets to both start and end these discussions. Suddenly, this Korean man gets to control the flow of the story, and he’s not just a prop to be used. 

That’d probably be more accurate, anyways. Aspec people love to talk about their asexuality. I know I do.

There’s very little I can tell you without actually reading the story. Criticism of literature should (and sometimes do) have a huge emphasis on justice-driven portrayals of the marginalized. Thing is, criticism is a paid profession that is useless in small doses. From one artist to another, I say unto you - write your story, but get more voices of color to give you their honest opinion. And then change, and change often. Your efforts will never be perfect, but you can do much to avoid the worst.

[wannawrite]

Lights on

who?: Wanna One’s Yoon Jisung 

genre: 🌸 type: bullet point, day one of christmas collab winkwonk

blog navigator.

• part of the collaboration with my girls @onlyjihoons and @hwinkinghwi • Jisung is in charge of running a huge, high class, world recognised flower garden

CKLSSHODS THE COLLAB KICKS OFF HERE IT’S STARTING. wow can you believe I’m posting first because I’m the youngest...but I love my bbys.💕 please go check them out as well! Hope you guys enjoy this collaboration.

- Admin L

posted late due to wifi problems as I’m currently overseas/still on hiatus. Apologies.

• honestly • in all honesty • cross your heart • you did NOT want to be here • when your parents suggested taking a day trip to Gardens By The Bay • and drag you out of your precious bed during the December holidays • it was a huge hell no • work/uni had been so stressful you just wanted a day to yourself and the bed • well, that had been your life since the start of the holidays but • nothing could beat the workload landed on Singapore university students • study study study • jiayou friends!!!! • occasionally emerge from your house to run to the kopitiam [ food court ] or wet market for food • and kopi • and kaya toast • before going back to the safety of your room to hibernate • preferably without a blanket fort because Singapore is hot enough • tropics • ahh yes sunshine • sun: *fries you up on Orchard Road pavement* • it never really feels like Christmas here if you don’t see the fancy decorations at malls and Orchard Road • because this island only ever has one season • which is summer • maybe that’s why your family wanted to visit GBTB to get a feel of some Christmassy decor and winter plants • to ‘get into the holiday mood’ • but really • as much as you wanted to admire the view • and the place the government put tons of money into building • there was work calling your name • and you were still sleep-eyed when your mum woke you up, shoved you into the backseat and drove halfway across the island to the resort style flower garden • fun fact: I performed at GBTB once • such talent [delete] • the crowds of excited tourists and booming noise of chatter irritated you and you wanted nothing more to go home • why • plus, your parents planned to stay in the area until nightfall for some lighting display thingy • why • your sleep schedule had been really REALLY   • really • messed up • :”) relate • you NEEDED sleep • December holidays is for sleep • fix your sleep schedule • proper sleep had become a need • it kind of always is but you just ignored it, grinding on to push your GPA up • get that 4.0 GPA! • but now • a need • you slept all the way to Gardens By The Bay, ignoring all the magnificent sights and attractions on the way • Merlion started sobbing how dare you • he was all scrubbed clean for the holiday season some more • Singapore Flyer wants to fly your ass away • Marina Bay Sands crumbled to the ground and you were still snoring • what a great citizen 👍🏼 • you were dead tired • yOU DON’T DESERVE THIS SLANDER • especially when you’ve seen it all already I guess • but honestly, I really want to be a tourist and do touristy shit one day • so you were ready to throw hands at all the people you didn’t exactly want to be around • ‘WAKE UP SWEETIE WE’RE HERE’ • cue car door opening • and blazing sunlight burning through your shut eyelids into the core of your orbs • AIR CON WHERE’S THE AIR CON • if you didn’t run, the humidity would frizz your hair up • before you could protest or wash your face to look as alive as the thriving plants • all the plants are hella well looked after believe me • iTS SO ALIVE AND ENTHRALLING • a ticket for Cloud Forest and Flower Dome was shoved into your hands • and you were thrown into the mystifying lands inside Gardens By The Bay • ooohhh • it was chillingly refreshing • misty • hmm • mysterious • mysterious Christmas • of course, GBTB had spared no expense on Christmas decorations • there was a Santa sleigh and reindeers pulling it on the upper floor • bet, it was going to illuminate once the sun went down • this is hard to explain in words but basically when you enter Flower Dome, you’ll see this really high platform far away on your right and usually some decorations are placed there • I actually haven’t been there in awhile • rip I googled all of this but my wifi is SLOW here • flowery scents wafted into your nose and surprisingly, it was energising • mhmm are those pine trees? • REAL pine trees growing in the soil • REAL ONES • we never get anything here • my mum nearly bought a dead $80 tree from Cold Storage idk if we should or should have • are those poinsettias? • red • blue • green • this is how Singapore decorates every year I’m not kidding • go Orchard Road and you’ll see • I think • anyway • you won’t be surprised if there was going to be gingerbread men growing on trees • Singapore science and technology is advanced 😫😭 • they actually formed the formula for the OCBC [bank] Skyway trees • they absorb sunlight, turns it into solar energy and that energy powers some parts of the park! • but imagine if food really grew on trees • you did buy a gingerbread man from a cart to fuel yourself • since you did skip breakfast • maybe you should get turkey and log cake for breakfast • even the lady serving you was decked out in poinsettias and a christmas hat • this is fiction I think ^ • huge mood   • PUMP UP C’MON • Christmas carols and pop songs were blasting through the speakers • ‘ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOUUUUU’ • it really got you into the mood • you wanted to dance • ‘JINGLE BELL ROCK’ • ah yes • jazzing to Christmas music • maybe you’d look like the awkward uncle from Hong Kong no one knew about until this year when he finally paid a visit • my family ^ • casually • rocking by yourself • yeah, that mood • bRING ON THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT • uh but you were also kind of freezing because there wasn’t much time to bring a jacket and whatnot • you never actually need a jacket in SG fyi • it’s 30+ degrees celcius all year round • but here, they plunge the temperatures so that the imported plants are able to survive and live well • suck it up • plants can deal with it but I can’t ??? no way • there were sparkly blue christmas lights draped all around the trees and there was a HUGE, GIGANTIC christmas tree decked out with lights, colourful ornaments • ahh so sweet • gET INTO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT • you helped to take pictures of your parents • so cute • all touristy • and of course, family pictures and more christmas aesthetics • then suddenly • your parents spotted a tour ongoing • ‘eh let’s go join,’ • ‘mUM NO WE DIDn’T SIGN UP FOR IT’ • ‘aiya nevermind, they’ll never see one.’ • classic • so you slipped behind this group of people and their tour guide • the man was explaining something about the species of flowers • and how they were only found native in Alaska or something • but you know SG government invested big money to import and grow these JUST for christmas • wink wonk • they really endorse this garden city concept here • it actually is cute I like it • but there should be more garden, just saying • appreciate nature • anyway   • ‘and this species only grows in the coldest of weathers...’ • out of the corner of your eye, you spy a handsome, professionally dressed and seemingly important man • walkie talkie, iphone in his suit pocket, observing the guide • there’s a silver name tag pinned onto his jacket • manager? • supervisor? • managing director? • CEO? • there’s also a tiny poinsettia under his name tag • huh adorable • he’s definitely passionate about his job because you’ve seen these suited dudes and most of them ripped off the pin the second their boss turned their back • he’s different • you notice sweat suddenly rolling down the guide’s face • so that handsome guy is probably his superior and making sure he’s doing a good job • maybe he holds a really high position • ‘hEY HENRY SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE CACTUS EXHIBIT YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME NOW’ someone yells from behind • most probably another staff • this is a MAJOR thing okay • henry, your tour guide, VISIBLY jumps in shock, trying to find a solution • he really doesn’t need a mix of angry Singaporeans and tourists • >:( • wAtch ouT fOR thE CoMplaIN qUEEns • probably me so I can’t say anything • hENRY DO SOMETHING • let him live he just works here • HENRY SAVE THE CACTUS • HENRY DON’T WASTE TAX PAYERS MONEY PLEASE WE SPENT MONEY OF CACTUSES • ‘i got this,’ • your eyes widen when that dapper man pats Henry on the shoulder and gestures for him to follow the other worker behind the group • oooh he’s kind-hearted as he as good-looking • he hastily thanks the man, bowing slightly before running off • ‘hello everyone, apologies for the swap. I am Yoon Jisung and I’ll be your tour guide for today.’ • omg he’s so cute • his lips curve into a smile, one that reaches his eyes, completely opposite of his suave, serious look • ‘now, about this plant....’ • you’re completely amused and into his thorough explanation • plus, he has great way of expressing and wording his sentences • not to mention his facial expressions • that guy who always keeps everyone’s fullest attention • only now, you’re keen to tag along behind the group • sweetie me too • if i ever had a hot guy helping me • well, a Yoon Jisung guiding me • your parents eagerly blend and meld into the existing group, no one bats and eye • Jisung blinks • Jisung just smiles • he closes one eye • continues on with his explanation and tour without saying anything • after about 30 minutes wandering around • 30 minutes in his presence • half an hour breathing the same air as you • indirectly talking to him for 30 minutes • highlight of today • s w o o n • the tour slowly draws to a close • you’re dreading its end • at the end of the last exhibit, Jisung claps once and announces that his mini tour has come to an end • ‘you’re free to wander around, I’ll be here if you have any questions.’ • he smiles as the crowd breaks into applause • oH mY GOODNESS HIS SMILE CAN SAVE THE WORLD • a FrIckINg BEAUTY • between Jisung and the flower bed you can’t tell which one is the flower • ‘hey y/n, we’re going to that exhibit for a bit.’ your parents say, wandering off and leaving to your own devices • ‘o-oh okay.’ • you pretend to admire a flower, really, you’re admiring Jisung • he smiles, nods and waves at visitors while observing the staff • so sweet • doesn’t hesitate to help a curious visitor with questions • or a lost child looking for their parents • lowkey, you’re following him • you know, just around that square of attractions • he’s the biggest one • he faces your direction and you quickly duck, pretending to admire an ignited Christmas snowflake light • thinking he has finally looked away and moved on, you pop you head up • only to • meet his gaze • BUSTED • red-handed • red faced now • WH00PS • whAT HAVE I DONE • oh no • heat flows to your face and you want to jump and hide in a bush • there’s an abundance of bushes too • hey this thorny one seems very appealing • hopefully then I’ll remove all trace of myself • let’s :) hope :)) he :))) doesn’t :)))) see :))))) me :)))))) • I did great • good job • well done • you tried • how to check out a guy and not be caught 101 • 1. Don’t look up • 2. Jump in a thorny bush • ‘hello,’ Jisung greets. ‘how can I help you?’ • uHM • bY NOT MAKING MY HEART FLUTTER • PLEASE GET AWAY FROM ME • W O W MY HEARTBEAT SEEMS TO HAVE SPED UP A LOT • I REALLY WONDER WHY • I must be romantically attracted to plants or something • nO IT’S JUST YOU • and he’s a foreigner • his name gives him away completely and he probably has his own native language • yet he’s so fluent in English • hard-working intellectual • home boy could like...get it • hELP ME • someone save you pls • smiling sheepishly, you try to seem nonchalant and all • ‘I was just wondering...where...uhhh...um.’ • there’s no excuse you can come up with so you stand in silence with a heated face • Jisung just chuckles • he’s so cute when he laughs and his eyes just become crescent moons like ASDFGHJKL • jisung on master key got me rethinking my bias list tbh • Guanlin gonna have to fight >:( • ‘I’m Jisung,’ he introduced properly, offering his hand to shake. ‘How can I assist you?’ • STOP MY HEART FROM FLUTTERING • PLEASE AND THANKS • ‘I’m y/n, and um...what’s the Cloud Forest like?’ you ask randomly, even though you’ve read about it • is that all you could ask? • lol rip • Jisung thinks about it for awhile before bringing his hands together • ‘how about I show you instead?’ • OMG • he wants to spend more time with you • winkie wonkie • ;) • hmmm • you text your parents • because like most Singaporean parents, they’ll probably launch a police report if you’re out of their sight for more than 30 minutes • lol unless they leave you first • you: hi mother I’m going to the Cloud Forest first • the mother: ah can • the mother: with who ah? • oh • uh • how to I explain to my mum that I’m going with this hot manager • who’s gonna guide me around • lowkey shady • but this is Singapore, very very safe one • aiyo but guys please still be careful and wary of people ah • police better be on speed dial • SG Secure is the way • you: with a friend • the mother: who? • you: I bumped into them here • slowly, you shuffle after Jisung • it’s okay, you’re an independent person it’s fine • everyone will see if Jisung tries to kidnap you anyway • or push you off the Cloud Forest bridge • uh • the mother: you’re going with that Jisung guy ah • the mother: don’t play play with your mother • the mother: he’s shuai  [handsome] ok, I’ll be following behind • RUN • you beam at Jisung, looking up from your phone. ‘Let’s go!’ • ok guys this never actually happens so please don’t complain if you go GBTB and then there isn’t anyone like Jisung I’m sorry • Jisung takes you through the corridors, occasionally stopping to talk about the architecture • ‘where are you from?’ you blurt out, unable to keep the question in. ‘wait, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to’ • he shrugs, in fact, he starts smiling. ‘It’s fine. I’m Korean but I’ve lived here for a long time.’ • oPpA sArangHaEyO 😭😫 • ok but no lie, down here got a lot of koreaboos no offence but it’s quite true and it irks me a bit :((( • beaunite is the BIGGEST mess • I’m sorry • if you want to know, drop into our inbox • ‘ahhhh,’ you reply, nodding in understanding • growing up in a multi-racial society, you never had any qualms with having friends of other races • if you live in SG and you have problems with that, please :) move :)) • diversity • diversity is key • yes • Jisung is easy to talk to and you find yourself engaging in quick conversations with him • he’s easy-going • smiles a lot • does his best to talk to you • like • you know, making small comments, giving advice, talking about his own experience • ‘do you know Boost?’ [smoothie shop] • ‘sweetie, let me tell you, that day i Boost, I ordered a strawberry smoothie....’ • ‘LiSTEN, I’m telling you that the best chicken rice was the one Jinyoung da pao [takeaway] yesterday!’ • ‘whICH ONE?’ • ‘I don’t know, I fORGOT.’ • ‘HoW CAN YOU FORGET?’ • and you do the same • cute • this strayed so far from christmas I’m sorry • Cloud Forest is ten times more misting and mysterious than Flower Dome • much more • there’s a waterfall the first thing you enter • you gape at it in amazement • we don’t actually have natural waterfalls or rock formations here so things like these are pretty foreign and cool • the stone pathway around the display is all splashed with water • and you nearly slip • thankfully, Jisung reached out and grabbed your arm, guiding you to the least slippery part of the path • by the way, your arm is freezing because air con air con and more air con all day • it’s at least 10 degrees colder than the outside air • rip electricity bill :”) • he winces, wondering how you survived the cold all along • brace yourself for a cliché • CLICHÉ ALERT • Jisung takes off his jacket, and shyly hands it to you • ‘you’re absolutely freezing, take my jacket for now.’ • ‘oh no I can’t,’ you refuse • we have this very Singaporean thing where we refuse things we actually really want • and it kind of goes like a push-pull • until the person finally gives into the others pushing • ‘take it!’ • ‘I can’t, then you’ll be cold.’ • ‘it’s fine. wear it.’ • ‘....y-you sure?’ • ‘yes. wear it or you’ll become an icicle’ • see • ‘c’mon,’ Jisung says, taking your now covered arm. ‘Let’s go.’ • he seems to be saying that a lot • ADVENTURE TIME • adventure time with a cute guy • ;) • and your parents trailing behind • you could feel their eyes on you • watching your every move • l👀k out • this time, Jisung spends more time talking to you than actually explaining and introducing species of plants • unless it’s an absolute must to know what kind of fern that is • or which flower can be found where • but mostly its just • ‘hmm, I feel like the nasi goreng [fried rice] at Ang Mo Kio is the best..’ Jisung comments, falling into step with you • ‘huh? no lah, where got? The one in Serangoon Gardens is better lah.’ you shoot back, defending your favourite hawker • Jisung sighs and ‘tsks’. ‘No way, I’ll jio [treat you to a meal/outing] you one day and you’ll see.’ • did he just • ASK ME OUT? • WHAT • sure it isn’t ‘let’s apply for HDB’ [marriage proposal] • it’s so great that Jisung knows all the slang and is fluent in Singlish as well • husband • inbox if you want an explanation for all this slang :) it’s quite confusing sometimes • I kind of need Wanna One and Singlish because both are messes and it will be the best mess to ever exist • ‘moving on, this is an orchid that’s native to South Africa and....’ • no you suddenly can’t move on • MOVING ON GET A GRIP • even at lunch at a classy cafe, with Jisung gone, he can’t leave your mind • he said he would see you again after your lunch • somehow • somewhere • if it’s meant to be • ‘aiya, get your head out if the longkang! [drain] Singapore so small one confirm cannot lose people.’ • true • just take the next MRT back out • hi can someone please tell me if MRT stations decorate for Christmas? Thank you • ‘oi, y/n, kuai dian [quickly] makan. [eat] Later we late hor, I blame you.’ • ahhh parents :”) • but you know they’re just playing with you • after lunch, you spot Jisung at The Meadow - another part of GBTB - and wave • he comes running • ‘hi!’ • ‘woah, don’t you have paperwork or something more important to attend to?’ you ask, sort of hoping he doesn’t • you know just how DEMANDING jobs here are • cutthroat society • ‘nothing’s more important than you~’ he winks before bursting into giggles with you • HI NO ONE ACTUALLY SAYS THAT HERE • ‘uh... actually ah my job more important so let’s break up thanks.’ • SUCH ROMANCE • so then right • you two spend the next few hours exploring Gardens By The Bay • with and without your parents following you • Jisung does continue to talk about the gardens in between conversations • your surroundings are so bright and cheery • how were you in a bad mood? • there’s such a stark contrast from Starbucks, laptops and writing essays • cramming at work • cramming after work • the aroma of black coffee • or tea • working in general • so refreshing • so energising • so incredibly burning hot • btw, you returned Jisung’s jacket already which he had abandoned in his office • Jisung also doesn’t mind taking aesthetic pictures of you and the scenery • there’s also a couple of selfies of him on your phone • you find out he’s a bit gullible when you trick him into thinking that there was a dead pigeon on the park bench • he almost called animal patrol to remove it • it flew away unharmed • you can see why Jisung thrives in this environment • he’s so good-natured - pun intended - concerned, sweeter than a flower and more elegant than a swan • what a 12/10 day • then, nightfall comes • he escorts you to view the light display • Christmas Wonderland you think • but it’s already dreamland having Jisung as a new friend • from tour guide to friend • glo up • well done • took a huge WIN • never happens irl :( ^ • the light displays built finally illuminate • a smile ignites your face as you gaze at the structure, completely taken in • ‘impressive, isn’t it?’ Even though he views this every night, Jisung still takes a moment to admire the lights • your mother is secretly snapping pictures of you from behind y’all • ‘very,’ you breathe out, unable to comprehend Jisung’s [delete] it’s beauty • ‘this is crazy gorgeous.’ • the lights make you feel all warm and fuzzy, maybe as cool as royalty • there are sparkles and specks of glitter in your eyes, that’s how amazed you are • ‘thanks for spending the entire day with me, even though you didn’t have to,’ you tell Jisung sincerely. • ‘it was my pleasure. you’re good company.’ • did he go back to his professional, working self already? • your face falls slightly but you try not to let it show too much and nod • ‘I hope there will be more adventures like this,’ he adds. ‘Let’s keep in contact.’ • WHAT • OH GOODNESS WHAT’S HAPPENING • HUH • yOU HAVE ONE NEW CONTACT • you try to keep your cool even though internally, your heart has never thudded so quickly and you have never been this excited yet nervous • ‘so, where should we venture to next?’ • Jisung pretends to be deep in thought, pulling a face that shows he was pondering hard and making calculated decisions in his head • ‘how about National Gallery? or we can go see whose nasi goreng is better?’ • it sounds so appealing you can’t wait • the plans are already starting to form • you can’t bring home any flowers from here • but now, you’ve got one • nodding your head and offering up your pinky for Jisung to lock, you say, ‘Deal.’