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nova-is-a-writer-now · 4 years

Text

•Lillies and daisies• Pt. 1

Prologue

Summary: Billy ends up stuck with a girl who stumbled into his place one night only to faint right after, when she wakes up she remembers nothing about herself or her life, now it’s up to billy to help her figure out what comes next.

A/N: After literally forever im back. I’m really excited about this story and maybe it’s starting to make some type of sense? I haven’t figured out the name thing yet butttt I’m sure I’m keeping the first person narrative. Let me know what you think

Warnings: Angst?, language, mentions of amnesia.

[[MORE]]

I was starting to wake up, and as soon as I took a deep breath, I knew something was missing. I didn't know what but it felt like a void.

I opened my eyes and saw white curtains hiding a bright sky.

Wait a second... where am I?

This wasn't my room, in fact, I didn't remember what my room was like, but this wasn't it.

Drowned on my thoughts, I slowly started realizing that my room wasn't the only thing I couldn't remember. My house, my family, my friends, myself, I couldn't even remember my name. I could barely notice that what I was wearing wasn't mine, merely because the t-shirt with "Pink Floyd" written on it was at least three sizes bigger.

It would be an understatement to say I was freaked out. I started breathing heavily and my eyes started getting watery, it felt like my head was soon going to implode from how fast my train of thought was going, it almost made me feel dizzy.

Before I could panic any longer, someone opened the door. A guy, with the bluest of eyes i’ve ever seen, probably due to my state. If I would have been in another situation, I probably would have... well, I don't know. I didn't remember what I would have done.

"So, sleeping beauty is awake. How was your nap, princess?" The guy said closing the door and coming closer to me.

Out of fear i hugged my legs to my chest sliding away from him "Who are you?" I asked, feeling how my voice cracked. Even my voice felt unfamiliar.

He seemed to have taken the hint and stayed right where he was standing. "Well, that's what I'm asking you". I could see the muscles of his arms tense while he crossed them.

"What do you mean? This is your house isn't it?" The amount of questions I had on my head were making me even more dizzy than before.

" Yeah, house you ran into without invitation last night,only to pass out right after." I was about to tell him I wasn't in a mood for jokes, but I could tell how serious he was, his eyes were darker than they had been seconds ago, and they seemed to be lightly tinted with concern.

"Sorry, I-I did what?"

"So you were that drunk huh?" I, for a second, thought he was as confused as me, but his face was so expressionless, I just couldn't tell.

"What? No... I mean I-I don't know"

"Right... Lets start with easier questions, princess. What's your name." I closed my eyes, I tried to remember as hard as I could but nothing came to my mind. "It's not that hard"

" I'm... i-i... I'm sorry, i can't remember." A single tear rolled down my cheek, while I pronounced those words.

" Shit" i heard him whisper "Do you remember where you live?" I shook my head silently " Do you remember anyone you know?" No, again.

" What's happening to me?" I said so low he almost couldn't hear it.

“Im no expert but i think you have amnesia, let me check your head.” he waited a couple seconds until he was sure i wouldn’t freak out if he came any closer, then he walked to the opposite side of the bed and sat behind me. His hands delicately started parting my hair and pressing softly. Nothing hurt until he got to the lower back of my head, as soon as his fingers touched that area i felt a pulsating pain so strong i had to hold my breath.

He quickly removed his hands apologizing for the pain. “It looks like you took a pretty rough hit here, i think there’s blood too but i’m not sure. I’m gonna bring you some ice, that might help with the pain.”

I heard his steps behind me and soon enough i saw him walk out of the room leaving the door open. When i looked behind me i noticed the pillow had some specs blood on it as well, not enough to get worried but it was still there. Not long after he was back with a pack of ice wrapped around a towel, he handed it to me and i carefully placed it on the wounded area.

I exhaled heavily trying to put all the pieces together. The fact that I didn't know where I was, who this guy was, who I was, and most importantly, where I came from. I believe neither of us knew what to say on a situation like this so we just stayed silent for a couple minutes.

He was the one to break the silence "Look, I gotta go out for a couple hours. You can spend the night here if you want, I don't mind." He started to pick up some stuff from the night table. As almost every other piece of furniture on the room, it was a medium light brown with an old looking vibe.

"Thank you so much, but I don't think it's reasonable to stay in a strangers house." I looked down and started playing with my fingers. For some reason the way he looked at me made me feel really nervous and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make a coherent sentence with his eyes looking into mine. "I'll get out of here as soon as I can, don't worry."

He stood there for a couple seconds just analyzing me, and then said:

"I'm Billy, I love music and I work at the record store. Lucky for you we are not strangers anymore." He winked at me and then walked out of the room.

I sat there with a racing heart and a racing mind, feeling all types of ways and absolutely nothing at the same time. Nothing made sense, i was confused and scared, and i didn’t know how i was gonna get myself out of this one.

I heard what I thought was the front door closing and I decided to stand up and go look for a bathroom. That didn't take me long because it happened to be inside his room following a walk-in closet, where I found some clothes that I supposed were mine, and if they weren't I was going to wear them anyways.

I walked in, and as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt shame tinting my cheeks a light pink. My makeup was completely fucked, I had worryingly big under eye bags, and my lips where pail and swollen for some reason.

-------------------------------------------------------

While washing my hair I noticed something interesting. The smell of the shampoo almost made me feel like normal again, it felt like something i’d felt before. I thought it was so ironic I found this stranger's hygiene product more personal and close to me than my own face. I didn't think anything else of it.

Half an hour later, i was putting on a coat that seemed somewhat my size. Billy must have had a girlfriend I didn't know about, a roommate or a sister, I don't know, but I was sure that coat wasn't his. I felt bad taking it without permission, but in my defense it was fall, which I figured because of the browny-orange trees outside of curly guy's window, and that meant it was gonna be windy and cold.

Before getting out of there I looked around. Something made me feel warm about his house, it looked rustic, everything was brown or warm toned, which matched perfectly with the season outside. I wondered if that was intentional.

On my way out I closed the door and spent a solid minute trying to decide if I should go right or left. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, I would have been lost either way, but a small dandelion seed flew right in from of my face, dancing with the wind going east, making the choice for me.

Just when I couldn't see the apartment behind me anymore, I realized how screwed i was, why did i think it was a good idea to walk out of the apartment in the first place? God, i didn't even knew which city I was in. I was starving and had no money to buy anything, or so I thought until I slipped my hand inside the coat to get it a little bit warmer, and I felt a handful of bills there. Lucky for me it was a ten dollar bill and two dollar bills, it wasn’t much but it could save me from starvation.

I started looking around for a place to eat from where I was standing and not far I saw something that seemed like a coffee shop. Without a second thought i walked in that direction feeling my stomach growl every time louder.

The smell of warm bread and coffee that smacked my face as I opened the door was glorious. I closed my eyes and smiled before walking to one of the empty tables and sitting on one of the dark wood tables closer to the window.

I was so distracted looking at the place, I didn't even noticed when one of the girls that worked there walked to my table and started talking to me. "Good morning and welcome to Harvey's, can I help you with your order?" She was looking at me with a bright smile on her face.

"I... umm..." what do people ordered on this type of places? My cheeks started to blush once again. "I want whatever the hell smells so good. What is it?"

" Oh, is a combination of our fresh bread and season special Hot cinnamon chocolate, should I bring you that?" The girl said on a sweet whisper, that made her British accent a little bit more obvious. British accent... did that mean i was in England? But then again Billy didn’t have an accent, which made me even more confused.

"Please" I smiled back, letting myself pick a little on the contagious happiness she expelled

I ran out of things to analyze moments later, so my mind went back to to everything that was wrong with me and my life.

It felt so terrible to be alone, and in the most literal possible way, I was. And then I started thinking if it was all my fault. Was I so bad that all the people and memories decided to run away from me? It sounded so dumb but in that vulnerable moment that’s what it felt like.

It was almost as if there was a void inside me and every thought was making it bigger and wider, which made me feel like if I was standing at the edge, like if at any moment I was gonna fall.

Tears slowly started to run down my cheeks, i almost didn’t notice them until one dropped to my hand placed on top of the table.

"Oh love" I heard the waitress next to me, gently rubbing my shoulder and then sitting in front of me. "Are you ok? Here, take a sip of your chocolate" I did as she told me, and took the napkin she had brought to wipe my eyes dry.

"I'm ok, just a little overwhelmed... that's all"

"Do you want to talk about it? The place doesn’t get busy until 10:30 so i’ve got a couple minutes free."

I really wanted to, so bad, and I couldn’t find a reason not to, why would I care when she was a stranger, just like everybody else? So, I told her everything, from the moment that I opened my eyes a couple hours before, until I walked into that place. And she listened, with that a sad look on her eyes that made them look a little more green “I’m so sorry, you must feel terrible. I wish I could help more, but all I can do right now is help you call Billy ."

“Do you know him?” I asked confused as i wiped my tears once again.

" Of course i know him, he’s pretty well known around here, specially by the girls. Such a pain in the ass but he’s a good guy. You got lucky there, you could’ve picked a creep’s house to break into and that would’ve been an issue.” she chuckled a little in hopes of lifting up the mood a bit.

" I... don't think calling him is such a good idea. Look, he has been very kind to help me and let me stay at his place last night, but for what I hear, he must have other people to welcome there, and I don't want to bother anyone. I’ll crash there tonight and i’ll figure something out tomorrow” i wanted to believe that so bad, maybe if i kept repeating it to myself it would come true

"I’m sorry, did you say he offered his place for tonight?" she said changing the sad expression on her face for an annoyed one. I nodded a little confused. “He did take you to the hospital, didn’t he?”

“No, he seemed really hurried to get out this morning, besides i’m fine, my head is hurting a lot less now.” that didn’t seem to relief her a single bit but before she got to say anything else, her eyes looked right behind me with surprise and I could only imagine who it was.

My heart dropped and unconsciously, I stopped breathing as soon as I heard his voice.

"Speaking of the devil” she said looking right at him, i still didn’t turn around, for some reason i felt he would be angry at me for leaving his place.

"I see you already met my guest, Mikie” he said in a relaxed tone. "I told you to stay at the apartment, you could’ve gotten lost." that was now directed to me, so i turned around to look at him.

Before i could reply, Mikie stood up from her place and said “She was starving dumbass, god knows how long it has been since she last ate something and you didn’t even think of offering her anything?” he didn’t reply, i guess he was as shocked by the situation as i was and the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. “I need a word with you out side” that last part wasn’t a question, Mikie walked through the door and when Billy didn’t move, she yelled “Now Hargrove!”

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove/reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington #eleven #nancy wheeler #fanfiction

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vinylhazza · 5 years

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make up sex with e🥵🥺 he’d be so hurt and sorry for what he did but you look so sexy he can’t help himself;)

i did something a bit like this here, butttt since i love you i’ll do a little something in a different context.

i feel like it would be a situation where you live together so you see each other every single day after the argument and everytime you look at his face it makes you fucking angry. it was something stupid he did, but it was so inconsiderate of you and your feelings you honestly were dumbfounded he even thought it a wise idea to shut his eyes while sleeping next to you. not that you would actually hurt him...just saying sleep with one eye open.

he had lied about going out with a friend. and it didn’t even matter that the friend was a girl, or that you’d never met her, or that he wanted to hang out with her instead of you, you didn’t give a fuck about any of that. he can have his freedom, have his friends, you trusted him. the issue at hand is that he lied. and that’s what made you angry, that he thought it was a good idea to be dishonest and make it look like there might be something shady going on when in reality it was just an old friend from jersey that wandered into town and wanted to catch up. it was the fucking dishonesty that made you feel like shit. the overthinking and self-conscious mayhem that it had put you through. because what reason on this entire earth would he have to lie to you about something so innocent? especially when you’ve never been controlling, never fought with him over something so silly, never questioned him. it was the disrespect.

you hadn’t said a full sentence to him except “can you pass me a fork” in a few days and you can tell he was getting jittery. not only was he getting nervous, but grayson could even feel the sea deep tension in the room whenever he would brave the walk across the house when he knew you both were home. it didn’t make anyone feel good, but you wanted an honest apology. there were many things that you would let roll over your shoulders and into the fuck it bucket - but lying - was not one of them. and ethan knew that. he knew it more than anyone.

so he kept his distance and let you be angry, you had every right to be. you could be pissed at him for as long as you needed, because he would be there after the storm. he would still kiss you on the forehead before bedtime and whisper his “i love you” before he shut his eyes or shut the door when he left the house. he still showed that he cared.

but you were suprised when you set yourself gently on your side in the bed, ready for another strange night in a bed you both shared, and felt a hand snaking it’s way across the skin of your hip to pull you closer. you were silent as your back hit ethans warm chest, where his heart was hammering with nerves and maybe something else as well judging by the bulge you can feel against your ass.

that had been severely lacking for a few days as well.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers slowly, rubbing his thumb over the bare skin of your hip just below the fabric of your tank top. it was a simple movement but his effect on you still had a shiver shooting down your spine. but you needed to be strong.

you didn’t answer him, just waiting for him to continue so that the wall of anger you’d built up didn’t come crashing down with one measly apology. stay calm until he says something stupid, and pray he doesn’t.

“i don’t really know what to do...not even grayson stays mad at me for this long...” he goes on, sounding small and adolescent against your scornful silence.

“you don’t lie to grayson,” you point out finally, sighing out frustratedly. you know it’s been going on for far too long, but you just can’t help the betrayal you feel sparking in your memory.

“please baby...just look at me...i’m really sorry” he tries to reason, missing your eyes that look at him with this sparkle he loves so much. he just missed you and wished you would kiss him without shying away from his lips. you kept him grounded, and without your voice pushing him, he feels like he’s floating around freely in space, never truly being home. it wasn’t a feeling he liked.

with another sigh, this time with a bit of defeat, you let his hand turn you over on your other side to look at him - at that face that gives you the biggest and best puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen, the face you fall in love with everytime you see it. it’s infuriating that he’s such a good boyfriend - makes it very hard to stay mad at him. this was actually one of the only times he’s ever really fucked up and not thought about your feelings. but you didn’t want to look like a whipped bitch like everyone said. you wanted to be tough. so you kept a stoic face, blinking at him oblivious to the bulge that now pressed to your front.

fuck he was good.

“say something y/n,” ethan tries again, raising his thumb to rub at your bottom lip, urging you to speak.

“i don’t know what you want me to say ethan.” ouch. you never called him by his first name. only ever e, bub, bubba, or baby. sometimes darling but that’s special occasion. never ethan.

you knew he caught the name when he shut his eyes with this sorrowful look, still rubbing your bottom lip but biting on his own now.

when he opens them again, his pupils have doubled in size, “don’t call me that.”

“that’s your name isn’t it ethan?” you challenge with a daring voice, low, but defiant.

“not to you, no.” his eyes are dark, brown swallowed up by the blackness that just keeps growing with every passing second, his thumb dipping in between your lips to watch you give a small sick to the tip, “i missed you this week,” he continues, slow and sure.

“i’ve been here,” you point out matter of fact, blinking faster now that your heart has started to hammer in your chest.

“but not really angel, not really here.” his breath fans over your lips, just ghosting over the plush skin as he cups your face in his hand, he would like nothing more than to kiss you right now, but first he needed your forgiveness.

“forgive me,” he demands softly, hovering so close but still too far for your liking. you know that if your lips meet this badass facade you had going will be worth nothing but dirt. just a tilt of your head and your lips would be locked.

“no...” you huff, fighting for that last thread of strength, already knowing your done for if he uses that same pathetic tone again. begging for you.

he leans in just the finest bit closer, dangerously close, maddeningly close, sinfully close.

“forgive me.”

with one last blink of your eyes your tilting your chin to close that torturous gap between the two of you, kissing him for the first time in what feels like far too long.

“fuck i miss you s’much,” he mumbles through the kiss, swiping his tongue across your bottom lip and sucking a bit before letting it pop free, “does this mean you forgive me?”

you hum, smirking with a hand raking through his dark locks of hair. it won’t be that easy. with another kiss to his lips you break free to give him a suggestive grin.

“maybe with a little convincing.”

part 2

#asks #e!concepts #ethan!concepts #thats on mr.fitz

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lancearcherinrippedjeans · 4 years

Text

Moving On

Pairings - Cash Wheeler x Reader, Kenny Omega x Reader

Category - Angsty, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings/Promises - Cussing and cheating

Word Count - 1,462

Summary/Desc - Y/N gets cheated on, so, she tries to move on.

For @kploveswrestling

I was so proud of them. Cash and Dax just made their debut here in AEW, and I was beyond excited. I finally get to work with my longtime boyfriend.

Cash was so good to me, he made me happy, and well, he is my happiness.

I walked to their locker room, when Dax stopped me, “Y/N, uh, I don’t know if you wanna go in there.” I looked at him confused, “Why?”

He looked at the door and back at me, “You just don’t, if you don’t wanna get hurt.” “What? Is he trash talking me or something? Come on Dax, move.” I laughed.

“Please Y/N. I care about you, just please, don’t.”

“If he’s naked I don’t care,” I pushed passed him opening the door, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen befo-” Well, Cash was naked. Just, on top of someone else. He heard my voice, and quickly detached from the girl, quickly putting on some clothes.

“Y/N, it’s not what it looks like.” Cash tried to defend himself, like I hadn’t seen anything. “No I think it’s exactly what it looks like,” I couldn’t even look at him, “You’re throwing away our relationship for some brunette whore?”

“Um I would like to cut in!” She defended herself, cutting in the conversation and putting on her clothes. I looked at her, “Get. Out.” She walked towards the door, “No, Amanda, stay.” He objected.

“Oh so she has a name now?”

“Look, Y/N. It’s getting old. It’s always ‘I’m tired’ ‘not tonight’ ‘I’ve been training all day’. I needed to fill the gaps.” I folded my arms, “So this is over cause I didn’t want to have sex? Really?”

He shrugged. I just nodded, hurt, “Alright, we’re done. If you want to throw it away, then I will too.”

He turned away, “Whatever, you’re not worth my time anyways.” I couldn’t believe what he just said, I had to get out of here.

I walked out the room and bumped into Dax again.

He looked at me with sad eyes, “Y/N I-” “I’m fine. Just, let me leave.”

I walked around him to the women’s locker room, grabbing my stuff and leaving. And before I could leave the general area of the locker room to order my Lyft, before someone else bumped into me. “What the hell man?!” I yelled not even looking at the person before trying to walk away.

Whoever it was grabbed my arm and pulled me back, “Y/N? What is wrong with you?” I moved my hair out my face to see Kenny Omega, worried look on his face. I hadn’t talked to him much, just friendly conversation here and there.

I snatched my arm away, “I don’t want to talk about this okay? I just want to order my Lyft and cry in my hotel room.”

He thought for a second, “You can ride with Adam and I, you know, to pay you back for bumping into you.”

It could be nice, and I wouldn’t have to dump all my problems on some random stranger.

“Alright, do I have to stay any longer?” He shook his head, “No, I was about to leave anyways, Adam is waiting for me outside.”

We headed for parking and Kenny told his tag team partner, “She’s riding with us tonight, hope you don’t mind.” Adam just shrugged and grabbed my back, putting it in the trunk, closing it.

I headed for the backseat when they said I could take shotgun, I tried to object, but it was no use, I buckled up in the passengers seat and got ready for the ride ahead.

“So, Y/N, if you don’t mind me asking,” Kenny looked at me for a split second, “What happened?”

I felt the urge to cry again, but held it in. “Well, uh, I was about to check in on Cash, Dax stopped me. And when I got around him, I found out Cash was cheating on me.”

“What!?” Both men shouted in unison. “I know, I know. I didn’t expect it either.”

“But you two have been together for so long.” Adam said, confused. “Well, that didn’t matter to him.”

Kenny looked over at me, “Y/N you deserve better than that, for sure.” I weakly smiled before turning back to the road, waiting to get to the hotel.

The Next Day

I was woken up by loud banging on my room door. I got up to answer it to see Cash, with flowers. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. What I said, was horrible and what I did was worse. Can we just, try again?”

I took the flowers, “Well, maybe.” I smiled down at them. “Besides, Monica meant nothing to me,” He said grabbing my hands, “I miss you.” I stopped smiling when I realized, he said a completely different name than Amanda, “Monica? I caught you with Amanda?”

“I mean-” I threw the flowers in his face, “So there were multiple women?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“How long have you been sleeping with other women?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, a few months? Can you just let it go?”

I bit back the tears, I couldn’t let him know how much he had hurt me.

“Please, just leave.”

“Wait...is this because of Kenny or Adam?” “What are you even talking about?” “Dax saw you leave with them last night. So what? You’re with one of them now? Is that it?”

“Cash, Adam is married. And Kenny, he was being nice.”

“Sure, like I’ll believe that.” “Oh my gosh just go!”

I managed to get that out without breaking down. “Alright fine, I’m sure Monica or Amanda would be pleased to here that it’s over for good.”

He walked away, without anymore words. I was actually done.

I closed the door and hit my back against it, crying. The only man I had loved for years no longer cares? How could he let me go so quick? I heard and felt a few thuds against my back, “Y/N? It’s Kenny.”

“Go away.” I sobbed out, not wanting to see anyone.

“Please? Open the door?”

I let out a breathe and decided to open the door. He offered a comforting smile and held up a bag, I don’t know what’s in it, but I’m probably gonna find out.

“I thought I would hang out with you for a bit, and y’know, try and help you feel better.” I smiled back and let him in, closing the door right after.

He sat on my bed, waiting for me to sit next to him. I did, reluctantly. He started taking things out the bag. He handed me a pint of ice cream and a small bear. I cracked a small smile and thanked him.

“Now, you wanna talk about it a bit?”

I sighed and slammed my head down on the pillow, having to explain how I actually felt. “I just don’t get it. He’s throwing years down the drain. I don’t understand. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I bet those girls were beautiful. I guess I can’t blame him,” I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, “And I-I don’t know if I can move on. He was my everything. I can’t let go.”

He grabbed my hand, “Y/N there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing from what I’ve seen. You’re funny, nice, beautiful and a 10/10 that he apparently just can’t realize. And there’s probably a line of people that would love to have your heart.”

“But Kenny-”

“Don’t object! Cause I’m right, and I don’t get how you don’t see it! Cash is a fucking idiot. He can go fuck whoever he wants but they’ll never be Y/N L/N.”

I looked up at him, tears still in my eyes, “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

I couldn’t comprehend what I was hearing, so I just sat up and hugged him. Kenny really was a good guy.

Time Skip

He was hanging out with me for a few hours, “I gotta head out gotta talk to Adam about some things.”

I was kinda sad, but it’s fine, “Oh okay, I’ll walk you out.”

I walked him to the door but he hesitated, “Y/N, are you free Saturday?” “Uh yeah, why?”

“Well, I learned more about you today than I ever have, so, I want to take you out, you know, like a date.”

I was so happy by what I was hearing, I perked up, acting like I wasn’t stunned, “Uh, yeah. Sounds great.” “Well alright. See you Saturday.”

“See you then, bye.” He walked out, closing the door behind him.

Well, I guess I have a date Saturday. And better yet, I get to move on. To a man who is actually worth it.

BLEH I HATE THE ENDING. Butttt I hope you enjoyed, this stressed me out cause I was soooooooo busy and unmotivated this week/last week.

#cash wheeler #cash wheeler x reader #Kenny Omega #kenny omega x reader #aew fanfic #AEW #aew fanfiction #aew x reader #Smut #angst #fluff #parker's masterlist

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yamithediaperdork · 3 years

Text

Inuyasha’s new pup Part four (Dear god it lives!)

the boys were only about 10 minutes into their walk and already Souta was starting to get a little nervous, feeling like maybe he had made a mistake coming into town in his diapers. the bulk between his legs had been fine for playing in the yard or waddling around the house but he was realizing albeit too late that it made him waddle in a fashion more then one mother they passed seemed to recognize and made the older ladies giggle, bring a blush to his cheek. "Uhhh Inuyasha..Let's say off hand I'm maybe having second thoughts.." Souta started as they passed a group of older girls and a few of them broke into a fit of giggles. Of course what Souta didn't know was that it wasn't because of him, but a comment that had been made about a boy from their class, but as any diaper dork who's braved a public waddling knows, you feel like everyone knows. "I'd say it's too little too late. Unless your starting to chafe, then I'll just carry you." Inuyasha said with a little smirk, holding the boy's improvised diaper bag with ease in one hand and offering his free arm. Souta mentally pictured it, Him on Inuyasha's hip and hugging him, the half demons strong arm under his pampered butt and blushed even worse and found himself wishing he'd tugged a baseball cap on to try and hide his face. "Uh, No thank you." Souta squeaked out and barely caught himself before his thumb slipped into his mouth. Inuyasha smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Your the boss apple sauce." he said cheerfully and then stopped and scanned the street signs. "IIIII don't suppose you know the way to this store you wanna go to do you?" He asked, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Heh, Don't worry 'Yasha. I won't let you get lost and get grabbed by the dog catcher." Souta said, smirking and getting a bit of his old nerve back. Taking Inuyasha's hand he started to lead the way.

Of course Inuyasha knew what store the boy was talking about, it was call All-mart and Kagome had taken him there when they were having a Ramen noodle cup sale. But he could also see how scared and nervous his pup was getting and figured if he acted like he was the one who needed help, it would give Souta a boost of much needed confidence. Seeing the change in attuide as Souta lead the way Inuyasha knew he'd been right, and decided to lay it on a little more for the little guys sake as he saw a group of boy's around his age by a electronics store, watching a demo of a new game. "You know, I think I've gone though whole forests that weren't as confusing as this town. Plus it's not like I can just climb up a lamp post or the like to get my bearing." Inuyasha said and then smirked. "well, not again. your sister was less then pleased the last time.." He said and wagged his eyebrows as Souta giggle and put a hand over his mouth. "Why do I have NO trouble seeing you do that?" Souta giggled and drew a little bit of attention from a bigger boy who nudged one of his friend and pointed. "So which way do we go now?" Inuyasha asked, getting Souta in front of him and having the pup point and start to explain while he bared his fangs at the would be bully who suddenly decided the demo was MUCH more interesting then starting a scene. "Well we gotta go down that street till 9th, then hang a right an- Hey! Are you even listening? Sheesh, Maybe I need to get a leash for you. your hopeless." Souta sighed, unaware he'd just been saved. "heh, you might be onto something but I think we'll draw a little bit too much attention if you lead me around on a leash pup." Inuyasha said and ruffled the boys hair. "heh, True. Just stick close to me and I'll look after you." Souta said.

7 minutes later and they were at the All-mart and browsing the aisles with a cart, Souta sitting in the part of the cart where the groceries were suppose to go but since they weren't picking up THAT much Inuyasha didn't see the harm. The diaper bag was in the front basket where Inuyasha had tried to convince Souta to sit at first but the boy had flat out refused and with Inuyasha not wanting the little guy to get too tired he had come up with the compromise. "Sooo I know we're mostly here for clothes and milk..but what do you say we load up on some chocolate and candy?" Souta asked, grinning impishly then getting a worried look on his face. "wait, can you HAVE chocolate? I don't want you to get sick!" Inuyasha chuckled at that and ruffled the pup's hair again, he was just so god damn cute. "Yeah don't worry, I'm not THAT much of a dog that some sweets will do me in. though I dunno how I feel about filling YOU up with sugar. your hyper enough as is." He teased and winked. "Pleassssssse?" Souta begged, bringing his hands together and clearly trying to muster every ounce of his cuteness into this one plea. Inuyasha had already been heading for the candy aisle before the plea and as such the cuteness attack just about melted him before he managed to look away. "Ok ok! Just turn the look off!" he said, holding up a hand as if to protect himself,then joked. "That's more powerful then a punch from half the demons I know!" "Beware the powers of my cuteness!" Souta giggled impishly but did as asked, thinking he now had a powerful attack all his own to use and started to try and think up names for it as the started to raid the shelf's of their chocolate treats.

With the cart loaded up with sweets and three jugs of milk the boys made they're way over to the diaper aisle and were floored by just HOW many choices there was for padding in Souta's size. "heh, guess little big guys like you are more common then we thought." Inuyasha commented. "Heh yeah..Geez I don't even know where to start." Souta said, rubbing the back of his head then standing up in the cart and holding his arms out for Inuyasha to get him out. Smirking the half demon did so and he let the little pup crinkle and waddle back and forth looking deep in thought. While Souta tried to pick out his padding Inuyasha spotted a few things he wanted to get for him non padding related and snagged a package of pacifiers and a couple of baby bottle's Souta could call all his own. He also grabbed a couple of pack of wipes and some baby powder and turned around to find Souta lugging two massive packs of diapers back with him. A quick scan of the packs showed they were just as thick if not a little thicker then the ones Souta was already wearing but these were 20 packs, which had Inuyasha raising a eyebrow and smirking. "Just how much do you plan on going before your mom and sister get back?" He teased, making Souta blush. "I uh..well I can put one back if yo-" Souta started, poking two fingers together and Inuyasha just put them both in the cart. "I Knew what I was signing up for today Pup. Don't worry." Inuyasha said then helped him back into the cart which was starting to get a little bit cramped. Still it beat making the little guy walk around and if Inuyasha was being honest semi made him feel like he was pushing the pup around in a stroller. Which he knew there was zero chance in getting Souta in a real one as they headed for the clothing department.

Souta giggled and squirmed a little in the shopping cart. Truthfully he was loving riding the cart, it made him feel like he was in a stroller but he figured if he tried to whine for one that would be too fair, PLUS there would be no way to sugar coat what a big baby he was if he was in one. 'Maybe if I can get Kagome to take me back to the past and take a stroller back then..not like -I- know anyone in the past.' He thought and giggled out loud. "Penny for your thoughts." Inuyasha said behind him as they traveled over to the boys wear section. "Nope! mu thoughts are SO profound you hafa pay 2 dollars for them!" Souta giggled and winked. "heh, Maybe later then.. Alright sooo.. I'll let you get to it..I don't know much about clothing sizes and stuff." Inuyasha said Helping Souta out. "Ummm oook butttt er.." and Souta squirmed a little, shifting on his heels. "whats wrong? do you need to pee?" Inuyasha asked. "W-What? No!" Souta huffed and then his bladder twitched, making him a liar. "Well kinda..but I wanted you to sit and check out the outfits I pick and tell me if they look good." Inuyasha chuckled and smirked. "I suppose I could, though believe it or not I'm not exactly up to date on fashion." he said in a mock whisper, putting a finger to his lips. "Shhh don't tell anyone!" "Your secret is safe with me." Souta giggled and then went and started to pick out some shorts and pants. Keeping in mind the trouble he had before he made sure to pick a few sizes above his normal size and then retreated to the changing room. He'd been tempted to grab a couple of tops that looked -really- cute but had been hit by a dose of reality when he say the prices and realized they didn't have a unlimited amount of funds. Stripping down to his top and his diaper and socks, Souta paused for a second looking at his reflection in the mirror in the changing room, god, the diaper looked sooo bulky from sucking up his sweat from the walk and he wiggled his hips a little and popped his thumb into his mouth and slapped his pamper butt, making a whomp sound. 'I'm SUCH a big baby!' he thought with a mental giggle. "Souta, you ok in there?" Came Inuyasha's worried voice, Snapping Souta out of big baby mode. "I heard a weird noise, do you need me to come in?" "N-No! I'm ok!" Souta squeaked, blushing and rubbing the back of his head, and then getting down to business.

In the end only two of the shorts Souta had grabbing worked with his diapers, a light tan cargo look that hide the diapers really well and a baggy cotton pair that was a red on the top and blue on the bottom, meeting in a wave pattern in the middle and would also do a good job hiding the padding. Souta had tried a pair of black jogging pants but the bulk had really stood out and the cargo pants he'd picked had sagged down at the waist and would flash the top of the padding. It wasn't the haul they'd been hoping for but at least it would mean Souta wouldn't be stuck in just diapers and a top when the one pair of shorts were being washed. with the pup back in the cart they went up to the check out (and had a brief argument with the cashier about whether or not they had loaded stuff into the make shift diaper bag till Inuyasha had opened it up for the clerk to see and brought a blush to her face that matched Souta's) and they they were out the door. "Hey, would you mind if I called us a cab? I know I promised a trip to a noodle stand but this is a lot to carry and I don't wanna risk the milk going off." Inuyasha said. "Only if it has a car seat for me." Souta giggled, then seemed to recall who he was talking to. "That was a joke!" "I figured as much Silly." Inuyasha chuckled and went to a pay phone to make the call and as he talked on the phone Souta started to squirm back and forth, and a soft poot or two (Or three or four) started to escape from his behind. Finishing up his call Inuyasha replaced the phone and came over to Souta and tried not to mind the smell of gas, and was thankful no one was too close to them though a young couple had taken notice. "Souta buddy, the cab will be here in about five minutes. do you think you can make it?" Inuyasha asked, keeping his voice low. "I-I'll try." The blushing diaper pup said and there was a soft hissing noise that only Inuyasha picked up on as the little pup flooded his diaper. "I'm just saying, we won't have time for a diaper change." Inuyasha said and rubbed the pup's back. "I..I Know..I'm trying Inuyasha." he whimpered and then his thumb found it's way into his mouth as he was semi hunching then standing up over and over. Credit given where it was due Souta held on till the cab was JUST pulling up but then he lost the battle and hunched over and LOUDLY filled the seat of his diapers, attracting lots of attention between the series of loud wet farts and well him crying out "I'M GOING BOOM BOOM!" and starting to bawl. the cab driver didn't look thrilled about having the smelly boy in his car but a glare from Inuyasha was all it took to convince him to keep his mouth shut and just roll down the windows.

A small part of Souta's mind knew that the car ride had only taken about 10 minutes at most, but as he sat in the back seat, face in Inuyasha's chest and sobbing, With every bump making him bounce in his stinky diapers, it felt like a hour. He rushed inside as best he could, waddling and cowboy walking and the diaper big time showing as Inuyasha handled the cab driver and getting everything inside. Souta went right to the backroom and tugged down his short, gagging as he noticed he had slightly leaked and then started the shower going before proceeding to slowly and carefully peel the tapes off and get the stinky diaper in the trash, holding his nose and then hopping in the shower. there was just no way he was waiting on Inuyasha to change him nor was he gonna try and clean himself up with toilet paper. (He'd tried it before after maybe having a uh-oh accident at school and had ended up clogging the toilet.) He was about halfway though washing when he heard the bathroom door open. "Souta buddy, you ok?" Inuyasha asked. "Y-yeah.. I'm just..I uh..Couldn't wait on you. I was leaking." He said. "I can see that. you get all cleaned up and I'll handle the shorts and taking care of the stinky diaper. Did um.. did you want anther diaper or did you wanna take a break?" Inuyasha asked. Souta paused from his washing and bit his lip.He DID wanna keep wearing but the accident in public had him a little rattled. "It's ok if you wanna take a break pup." Inuyasha added. "N-No..just..um..I wanna stay inside today now ok?" Souta said after a few more second. "That's ok. Meet me in your bedroom when you finish and I'll have everything ready." Inuyasha said and Souta could hear him picking things up. "oh, uh..don't forget to rinse out the tub though when your done." Inuyasha said then he left the room and it was already smelling better. "..He's the best big bro ever." Souta coo'ed and went back to washing up.

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princesskokichi · 4 years

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kokichi bringing shuichi back with the necronomicon

WE LOVE ANGST HERE GOOD KOKICHI SIMP ANON

also this is set place in a time where shuichi died in the killing game, and kokichi did not take it very well

i wrote a short about how kokichi deals with shuichi’s death immediately after he dies, but it kinda sucks so i won’t be posting it unless i get quite a bit of feedback for it, but if you want the short, message me and i’ll send it to you !

also this is written in paragraph form and not listed butttt you know how it be - mod kokichi

It was completely unlike him to seek refuge in something as stupid as the Necronomicon. After all, it was just so,, stupid, it was so stupid. He knew something like this wouldn't work, simply because it was impossible to raise the dead

Even though he knew that, why did he steal the book from Shuichi's room? And why was there a little doll made out of his bedsheets that he made all last night, sitting there staring at him with button eyes? With Shuichi's hat covering its entire face, the doll being far too small to actually wear Shuichi's hat, he set it upright on his bed, making sure that it wasn't going to fall over and potentially fuck everything up. He'd written Shuichi's name on the back of the doll in case monokuma or whoever the fuck was orchestrating this couldn't understand who he wanted to bring back

He wanted Shuichi Saihara back, more than anything else. He wanted him back more than he wanted to end this godforsaken killing game.

Kokichi had read and reread the rules over repeatedly in his head, trying desperately not to screw this up.

Not that it would work, of course.

Who would believe in such a stupid thing?

But when you're out of options, sometimes the things you have to stoop down to make no sense at all.

He carefully burned the entire book down into nothing but ashes, collecting those ashes into a small container he got from the kitchen area. Throughout this entire thing, he set his bars low, but still, there was this feeling in his heart that maybe, maybe this might just work. Maybe he could get his Shumai back.

God, this entire thing was so stupid, so why did he feel the need to continue?

Kokichi wanted - no he needed - to exhaust all options before giving up hope on Shuichi, and that wasn't like him at all. He was never one to cling to hope or belief. What happens in the world is what happens in the world and nothing will change that, but if blind and unnecessary hope could somehow bring his only friend back to life, then so be it.

So what if Shuichi had told him he was always going to be alone? Or if Shuichi most likely never thought about him like a friend but more as an enemy, just as everyone else did.

Whether Kokichi had lied to himself to believe Shuichi was his friend or not, he wanted him back. He,, needed him back. He needed Shuichi back so much, the desire wrapped around his heart and choked it mercilessly. Shuichi had to finish this killing game. He had to because no one else was going to be able to pull through. No one else could finish the killing game but Shuichi, the Ultimate Detective.

No, Shuichi wouldn't finish the killing game as the Ultimate Detective, but rather as himself. As the boy that liked reading novels at three a.m and could have been found at the library at any point in time if it wasn't for Kaede and Rantaro's deaths that still haunted him in his dreams. He was going to end this stupid fucking game as Shuichi. And Kokichi was determined to help, no matter the consequences of his actions.

If everyone else hated him in this game, if even Shuichi turned his back on Kokichi, he didn't care. Getting the only trustworthy person to play this game alive again was the only way.

Because of this need, he continued overworking himself, although he didn't know he was overworked or mentally exhausted. As an all-nighter turned into an all-weeker, and now he'd come to the only conclusion that he could think of and it was nearing its final stages, he didn't know that he was running on nothing but the sheer hope that this works.

As he sprinkled the ashes over the effigy he'd created, and repeated Shuichi's name three times, just as it was told in the Necronomicon. This was the hard part, the waiting.

Kokichi closed his eyes tightly, resting his head on his bed. He was afraid to talk or think about anything other than resurrecting Shuichi in case it screwed everything up.

He waited.

And waited.

He must've been waiting like that for at least an hour or so because the sun was rising up from his window, not that he could see it. Kokichi breathed out a sigh, and as he opened his eyes, he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

" Uhm-"

He spun his head around, coming face to face with the person he'd been trying so hard to bring back.

" Saihara-chan- You're-"

"I'm sorry, do I know you? Where am I, actually?" Shuichi looked around the room, his eyes wide as he tried to take in all of the strange objects around him that Kokichi had collected and put in his room. "Uh, last I checked my teacher said I was going to school. This isn't,, a school. So where am I?"

"You're in my room, Saihara-chan. You're the transfer student at this fucking school. You're the Ultimate Detective, you know."

"I am? Last I checked I was just a regular high school student."

"No, you just haven't gotten your first memory, I swear. This will all start to make sense when we talk to Monokuma and-"

"Mono,,, Monokuma? What kind of name is that?"

It took at least three days for Shuichi to finally be able to introduce himself back into the group. There was so much that he needed to learn in such a short amount of time that he was practically confined to the classroom in the beginning of the hallway the entire time, only really allowed to eat some food and sleep when nighttime came. Because of the short time frame he had to learn everything, no one knew he was back in high school.

Kokichi didn't know how it happened, but during these three days, while Shuichi was learning stuff about the school and the way things worked around here, they almost became,, actual friends. Shuichi was leaning on Kokichi to explain what was happening around him when he didn't understand what the Monokubs or what Monokuma was talking about.

They truly bonded, probably. So why did Kokichi feel so bad?

Ah, yeah, because he brought him back into the killing game where Shuichi would live in agony until he found out how to escape. It was a cruel fate to put him back into, but Kokichi needed him there since he didn't know how to end the killing game himself, and as long as Shuichi was there, there wouldn't be any more killings, right?

Right?

There were expected conflicted reactions when Shuichi walked through the front door, wearing his hat to cover a little bit of his expression.

Maki and Kaito had the worst reactions though, screaming in horror once they saw Shuichi and realized that this wasn't an elaborately pulled prank; the Shuichi in front of them was the real Shuichi.

"Sh-Sh-Sh-Shuichi??" Kaito screamed, his face contorting to that hideous face he makes when he's terrified, "I thought- I thought you were dead."

Monokuma popped up out of thin air, scaring Shuichi shitless. "That's because the Necronomicon brought him back ~ ! Ah, isn't that fun? Perhaps it wasn't a waste of a motive at alllll!"

"H-holy crap the bear can teleport?? Why didn't you ever tell me this Oma-chan?"

Maki took a step forward, her hand up as if she wanted to touch his shoulder to make sure he was real. "Why- why are you talking to Oma like he's a friend? He- he-"

"Sorry, sorry! Nishishi~ It's not like I wanted to see your reaction or anything like that."

Shuichi's shoulders slumped down a little bit as he pouted and crossed his arms over his chest, "Jeeeez, Oma-kun, you're so mean sometimes."

This isn't Shuichi.

Kokichi scratched the back of his head, smiling, He teetered back and forth, shifting his weight between his feet and swaying his head a little bit. "Yeah, you're right. Hey, after this, want to go to the library? There are a few things I really want to check out there. Plus, I heard that there's lots of good novels."

"That sounds boring, but alright."

"Ah, then perhaps the gym? There's an awesome dojo around here."

"A gym? That sounds more entertaining, I say sure!"

Everyone had the same look of distraught strewn across their faces. Maki winced, clenching her fists tightly as she shied away from everyone. Kaito's eyes were cast to the ground, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room as he followed Maki out of the room silently.

Kokichi wanted to hide away forever, practically drowning in these overwhelming emotions that not even he could repress. He wasn't such an emotional person - that wasn't his character. So why did this revelation hurt so much? Was it because he was just playing dumb and trying to convince himself that it had worked? Was it because he lied, to himself and to the people around him?

And.

Who had Kokichi "brought" back to life?

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #v3 killing harmony #danganronpa v3 killing harmony #killing harmony #kokichi oma #danganronpa kokichi #shuichi saihara #danganronpa shuichi #necronomicon #danganronpa imagines #imagines #mod kokichi

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witheringvoice · 2 years

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Vent + Fuck It - A Poem + Explanation ig?

TW: Depressing shit

Before I get into this poem, I feel obliged to explain something, I'll explain more after. I'm asexual, I'm on the spectrum. I'm close to aromantic, I'm close to panromantic, I'm close to graysexual, and I'm close to many different terms, but I don't like them all. I still have both forms of attraction, I just almost never have them. I haven't actually experienced sexual attraction yet, and I have no idea if I've experienced romantic attraction. I'm good at faking feelings through coping mechanisms, like reading fanfiction and gushing over fictional characters or streamers like I'm the biggest fucking simp. It's not true, I'm not. And honestly, I hate those coping mechanisms, but I long to feel that way. Also, something funny, I find females or people who come off as more feminine I suppose, more physically appealing I guess? I don't know how to explain it, but more masculine I guess, people, more romantically appealing? I can't explain it because I'm not actually interested in anything, butttt....yeah.

// TW: Depressing shit, mentions of sh, potential unhealthy coping mechanisms? etc.

You know how much one thing caused me to change? When I went to middle school I barely had control over my burnout and scratching.

I ignored it like usual, but sixth grade was so strange, there was this boy.

Every time I heard his voice, name, saw his eyes on me, or just saw him.

He made me more anxious than anyone I've ever met.

I think he made me blush for the first time, as far as I know.

Why does he make me feel this way, what is this feeling?

He was funny and cute, popular and nice, which I'd never seen before.

But of course, his friends were dicks so he had to be too, I ignored him.

He reminded me of one of my old bullies, until that day, I became indifferent.

I didn't realize I started watching him or coping with it until seventh grade.

I saw him when we came back in person, do I obsess about people I can't have?

Maybe it's to ignore this feeling, what even is it anyway?

My first ever crush?

I doubt it's...love.

Can't be, even if it's eighth grade now and I still feel this way.

I've pretended to be "normal" and have crushes for six years on five different boys.

Why him, why now?

I can't handle whatever I'm feeling, it's making me more lonely and depressed.

He barely knows me, and I barely know him, we almost never talk.

But he's always on my mind, this is too much.

He remembers my name? We haven't been in class together since sixth grade...

I can't handle this, I probably have feelings for him, don't I?

Fuck it.

I tried everything in my power to push him away, to despise, him, even though we barely even talked. But in all actuality, he's a sweet kid. Fucks sake, why is he so nice? During the eighth grade field trip in May, he and I started talking a little more. He asked me if I was okay a lot of the times on hikes, even after I broke down and was feeling really fucking nauseous. Before that, when I was down about not being able to stop myself from hyperventilating and giving up on the high ropes course, he joked around with me and made me feel better even though we barely spoke much. After the um, the campfire on the last night of the trip, he talked with me and my friends. He told me he's been meaning to be my friend, and I told him I've been meaning to be his. Because in all honestly, I think I just admire him? I really just want him as a friend, he's so confident and funny...I just, I wish I was that you know? I don't know. He even let me hug him, I hugged a lot of people during that trip, I love hugs, but I was thankful he let me hug him. On the last day of school we didn't speak, after the field trip, we went back to not speaking so much. I ended up giving him a letter admitting to him I think I liked him? I don't know what he thinks of me, I don't know what I feel towards him. But I do know it taught me a lot and gave me unhealthy coping mechanisms in my opinion. Fanfiction is hilarious, but it can make me extremely uncomfortable especially when it's about content creators. I just feel so awkward reading it, but I feel worse reading it about some random person I don't know...And those ones about content creators I enjoy watching, oh my god the humor can be top-notch, okay? When I read fanfiction I don't think of the character as myself, I don't think of the content creators as the content creators. I think of it as they're random people, a random story, and I'm watching them fall in love. If the story is good enough, it actually teaches me something. Indirect learning is the best babyyyy. Sorry lol, but anyway, yeah. Basically, I fell for this boy and it, it made me struggle a lot. Hopefully, high school isn't awkward, I still want to be his friend. Do I actually like him? God, I have no idea.

#vent post #poem

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detoxdolan · 7 years

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Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely. 8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige 13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year. 16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever. 17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes. 20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me??? 25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl 28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge) 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair - In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back. 36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go. 37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish. 40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents) 45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley 46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao 48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk.

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn. 60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated 😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes 72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

#Im sorry im always late #i love yall #i wonder who actually read my answers #if u made it this far u a real one #drop some purple hearts in my ask box if u made it to the bottom

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kgyifan-blog · 7 years

Text

It runs like clockwork.

Yifan has the bedroom with the eerily large window that faces the street. When he first moved in, Jitae asked him which room he preferred. He said no preference of course, but made the decision knowing Jitae wouldn’t uproot himself to move to the empty room. He enjoys the snapshot of routine life occurring right in front of him. Sometimes, he tries to paint it, and he’s up until light has faded. His glasses perch crookedly on his nose and paint is smeared under his left eye.

There are still faint fingerprints on his neck where he’d gone to scratch an itch with pigment on his hand. He had abandoned the stool to sit on the floor with his canvas propped up against the wall. The old t-shirt he’s wearing dwarfs his large frame, stained and torn in places. He’s just putting finishing touches on the painting when he hears his door creak open. The hinges have needed oil for months. Yifan likes to know if anyone is trying to come in, so he never tries to fix it.

Silence invades the room.

“I know you’re trying to sneak in.” He doesn’t turn, but hears feet shuffling in the hallway. “You do it at least once a week, Jitae.”

“Yeah--” they confess, throwing open the door without hesitation, all meekness gone from posture. “You’re usually asleep though.”

“Maybe I didn’t feel like having you drool on me tonight.”

Now Jitae is embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck before he adopts that famous bravado Yifan is used to, hopping on his bed and flipping through one of the books on his night stand.

“You like it.”

“No I don’t,” he deadpans, finally leaning back on both hands to focus on Jitae. “You know, it’s rude to go through people’s things-- in case you forgot.”

Jitae stares at him from over the top of the book.

“You know what you do like--” Yifan is halfway on the bed, taking the book from Jitae’s hands just in time to see that mischievous glint in their eye. “You like getting your butt touched.”

Yifan takes his sweet time setting down the novel before he starts to roughly shove Jitae off his bed. The other quickly protests with a tight grip around his waist, suckering to him. Yifan feels like he’s peeling off glue with his hands shoved between jitae and himself.

“And you like sleeping in people’s beds because you can’t stand the idea of being alone for one second.”

Jitae grows stiff, instantly loosening grip. Yifan mentally berates himself for being so blunt.

“I didn’t--” he starts, unsure how to end the sentence. ‘I was joking’ sounds worse than anything else. Jitae is already slipping away before Yifan pulls them back. It develops into wrestling at some point, Yifan locking Jitae’s arms behind their back as the smaller boy lazily kicks socked-feet back into his calves.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, aggression fueling the apology when Jitae tries to squirm out of the hold.

“This,” Jitae emphasizes, kicking Yifan’s knee because he’s rendered immobile from the waist up. “Is how you say sorry? You either have some conflict resolution issues, or you have a really weird way of revealing your kinks.”

Yifan lets go, and Jitae almost rolls completely off the bed.

“Dumbass,” he mutters.

“Asshole,” Jitae shoots back.

Yifan expects Jitae to leave after that. He has his glasses abandoned on the bed side table, eyes closed. The bed sinks under Jitae’s shifting weight, and he opens his eyes to see his roommate facing him. The distance between the two boys is minimal, considering Yifan’s bed is only a full.

“What nightmare fuel,” he comments, closing his eyes again.

Jitae blows air into his face and he sits up on one elbow.

“I will seriously put you in a sleeper hold, Jitae.”

“Again with the kinks.”

Yifan shifts as if he might and Jitae ducks under the covers, “All right! All right. I’m done.”

They remain turtled under his comforter like a strange looking lump. Yifan lifts one hand before smacking a random place. Jitae reveals his head, yelling out in pain.

“You ass,” Jitae sucks a sharp breath between his teeth, grumbling.

“Yes, I believe that’s what I smacked.”

Jitae exhales through his nose, but Yifan still hears them chuckled. They cover it with a cough.

“If you’re sick, get out of my room.”

Jitae clears his throat immediately, shaking his head. Yifan tries not to smile. It’s gone as soon as Jitae lifts a photograph in front of his face. It had been tucked under the lamp on the nightstand.

“Who’s this?”

The faintest cheshire smile sits on Jitae’s lips until Yifan ends the amusement with, “My sister.”

“Sister… you have a sister?” Jitae expressions shift as he mentally processes this information, mouthing the word ‘sister’ over and over again as if he can’t comprehend the idea of Yifan with a family. Yifan had started to nod off before Jitae asks at random. “Will I ever meet her?”

They never talked about their families with each other. There’s familiarity between them, but so much that they had kept to themselves at the same time. Their lives as agents truly lived in different worlds from a real identity. Yifan thinks about it long enough that Jitae starts to grow restless.

“Maybe,” he finally speaks up. “We are roommates, so I guess that’s a good enough explanation. She’s really intuitive, and she’ll probably ask you about yourself. But…”

Yifan’s frown deepens as he mulls over another issue.

“Butttt…” Jitae quietly prompts him, cover pulled up over their nose so they sound muffled.

“She’s almost completely deaf.” Yifan rubs his eyes, yawning. “She’ll try to read your lips when you talk, so make sure you face her.”

Jitae is quiet after this, and Yifan’s eyes are closed when he feels them prod his shoulder. He blinks slowly, noticing Jitae had sat all the way up.

“Can you teach me?”

His brow furrows.

“Teach you what?”

Yifan follows the eyes that drop to his hands and then back up. Catching on, he quickly shakes his head. “You dont’ have to learn--”

“I want to.” There’s a flare of determination in Jitae’s eye. If it was one thing the boy is, it’s genuine. There’s a softer expression on Yifan’s face before he slowly walks through the first few hand signs. Jitae watches intently, attempting, albeit sloppily, to copy Yifan.

“That’s how you say hello.” He walks through it again, reaching forward to correct Jitae’s finger placement before he’s confident enough to show them the second phase. “That’s how you tell her your name.”

Jitae searches for Yifan’s approving gaze the entire time he mimics the hand movements, eyes lighting up when he finally nods. He feels the covers being ripped off him when he tries to go to sleep again, a narrow-eyed sleepy gaze focusing on Jitae above him.

“What now…”

Jitae starts whispering, as if Yifan had been sleeping.

“How do you say ‘goodnight’?”

Yifan touches his nose and then covers his eyes. Jitae huffs impatiently, taking it as a sign of Yifan refusing to do it.

“No, you idiot...” Yifan touches his palm over Jitae’s nose to demonstrate. “Good.” He lifts his arms and covers Jitae’s eyes with both of his hands. “Night.”

Jitae’s grips Yifan’s wrists, pulling them away so he can practice, mimicking the movement much slower. Jitae covers Yifan’s eyes twice.

“Night, night.”

Jitae looks so triumphant over the modified phrase. Yifan simply exhales through his nose, unable to wipe the slightest smile from his face.

“That’s not how sign language works.”

He earns a shake of the head in response, watching Jitae complete the movement perfectly. He signs back only after Jitae slaps his arm.

Goodnight.

At some point, they both fall asleep. Jitae manages to stick to Yifan’s side, tangled up with him and sheets thrown off their body while a wet spot of drool stains his shoulder.

Like clockwork.

---

Yifan disappears after the events of the bombing.

Jitae shuffles into an empty room. A half-finished painting sits on Yifan’s easel, untouched ever since they had that fight. The bed is still perfectly made when he throws back the covers and crawls in. His eyes are trained on an empty spot of the ceiling. He touches his nose just barely, covering his eyes after. The palms of his hands are wet from the beginning of tears.

He whispers to no one.

“Goodnight.”

#kgjitae #i didnt proofread this #[ connections: jitae ]

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queenbeelopez · 8 years

Photo

Chat Para → Must Be Something In The LiquorIIChartanacedes Tagging → Santana Lopez, Charice Crawford Young, and Mercedes Jones Time Frame → March 17th around 10:30pm … Location → New York General Notes →Santana and the girls go out for a very much needed girls night out!

Charice: was so looking forward to going out tonight. All she wanted was a night out with her friends, get cute and maybe go home with a few numbers. After her fight with Cedes, it was a bit awkward for them to talk to each other but no matter what, Mercedes was her family and while she didn’t agree with her choices, that didn’t mean that she was going to ignore her. And who knew, maybe tonight would be good for her younger cousin. Maybe she would meet a guy and take her mind off of her ex that was planning his wedding. At least that was what she was hoping for. Charice tugged at the hem of her tight body con dress and fluffed her curls once they got out of the taxi. Her heels clicked against the concrete of the street in front of the club and she could the thumping music from inside. She shimmied her shoulders and turned to look to her cousin and best friend. “You would not believe how excited I am to be here right now. Not to mention, we are all looking mighty fine so them guys better look out,” she giggled. She was a bit tipsy but not terribly, especially since she’d only had two shots before they came over. “And Cedes, you gotta smile and if a guy asks to dance, you gotta dance and–” She stopped at the look on her cousin’s face and nodded. “Okay my bad. Just trying to get you to have some fun. Get you some new dick girl. Or new pussy. I don’t know if you’re still into that,” she smirked, spinning on her heels. “Let’s go.”

Mercedes: was NOT looking forward to going out tonight. If she was being honest, going out for hot guys was the last thing she wanted to do. She already hated clubs but going to clubs to hook up was at the bottom of her list of things she wanted to do. It’s not as if she was in a relationship but she felt like she was somehow cheating. Especially since she knew tonight was a night she normally spent with Sam at the gallery. But she wasn’t going to be a sour puss. She missed having girl’s nights and while she wished Brittany was there too, being with Charice and Santana was going to be fun, even if they were the two wildest people she knew. She followed Charice out of the taxi and shivered a bit at the cool air. She wasn’t exactly wearing as little as Charice and Santana but she always wasn’t leaving much to the imagination with her hip hugging leather pencil skirt and her tight white tank and black blazer. She looked good if she was being honest, her hair wavy thanks to Alec wanting to experiment on her. “You said that like ten times on the ride over,” she told her cousin, rolling her eyes as she gave her advice. “You do know I’ve been single longer than you, right? I know what to do.”

Santana: was happy to finally get out of the house and hang out with her two best friends. It seemed like all she had been doing lately is moving, interviews and spending time with her son as much as she could. She has been so busy with life that she hasn’t been able to catch up with anyone except Chris and Brittany. Don’t get her wrong she loved spending time with them but it felt good to have some fun with Charice and Mercedes. She got out of the taxi along with Charice and Mercedes, fixing her dress as she did. Hearing the music from where they were, Santana had a feeling it was going to be a good night. She walked along side of Charice, chuckling at her comment to Mercedes “Troubles leave her alone..I’m sure she will do fine.. butttt I do have to ask.. did you get the cobwebs that has formed in your vagina out.. I mean you don’t wanna make it hard for them to find it” she teased.

Charice: shrugged. “What I was just making sure,” she offered. “Oh and we don’t have to worry about cobwebs with our little Cedes, considering she is probably getting more dick then both of us combined.” She walked into the club, the flashing lights making her squint and continued to shimmy to the fast pace music. “We drinking first or dancing?” she called to her two companions. Mercedes: playfully rolled her eyes at her two friends before giving them both the finger. “How about that,” she said, following them into the club. It wasn’t terribly packed but it sure did have a lot of people in it. She glanced at the dance floor and nodded to the bar. “Drinks,” she called. “I’m gonna need to be drunk to deal with the two of you.”

Santana: chuckled “Well that’s probably true. God knows I haven’t really been looking for anything since Millz” she said honestly. She scoffed when Mercedes flip them off, pretending to be upset “Hey! I only said that out of concern” she laughed, walking into the club. She looked on to the dance floor and nodded in agreement with Mercedes “Yeah let’s get some drinks first..” she said loudly over the music. “but after that we are dancing and Mercedes are gonna dance even if I have to make you!” She warned. Santana got to the bar, already eyeing the bartender.

Charice: nodded. “I know that’s right! Me and Sanny are on the rebound. We kinda need tonight to be perfect,” she laughed, hooking her arms with Cedes. “And you’re not gonna make it not perfect, right?” The bartender turned around towards them and asked for their orders. She noticed the way Santana was eyeing him and pinched her friend. “Damn girl, we haven’t even been in here for five minutes and you already looking like a lion at a watering hole. Be chill,” she muttered before speaking up. “Can we get a round of tequila shots and then maybe three cosmos.” The bartender nodded with a smirk and turned around to get their drinks. “Oh… he does have a nice ass,” Charice commented with a laugh. “I think I’m thirsty too.” He returned with their drinks and placed them in front of them with a nod. Charice picked up her shot and raised it into the air. “We gotta toast. To all the men who had us, lost us and still want us. May they eat their god damn hearts out and choke on it,” she giggled before downing her shot.

Mercedes: groaned loudly. “Would you two stop?! God, you realize I’m at the same club with you guys right? Like to have fun. If I didn’t wanna be here, I wouldn’t be here. I wanna have fun too so stop acting like you guys are dragging me here when I agreed to come,” she said, slightly on edge. She wasn’t trying to sound harsh but she was there and she wanted to have fun, even if it wasn’t as much as the other two. “Sorry I just… I wanna have fun. So just stop worrying about me and worry about having fun yourselves.” She watched the bartender put their drinks down and grabbed her shot, smiling at Charice’s toast. “Here, here!” she cheered, throwing back her shot and wincing at the burn down her throat. “I HATE tequila! Ugh, okay so let’s dance since Santana keeps running her mouth,” she teased.

Santana: nodded her head to the music “Super perfect…” she said not taking her eyes off the bartender. She jerked out of her day dream by Charice, hoping on the stool “Hey! I’m looking…” she smirked “for now” she giggled, playfully rolling her eyes when Charice said he had a nice ass “Mmhmm yes ma’am he does” she chuckled, frowning a bit when Mercedes started to speak. She understood that maybe she and Charice was picking on her too much. But it was all in good fun. “Hey Cedes we are just kidding.. I promise.” She assured her friend. She grabbed her drink and smiled. She was really glad to be out and just having fun with her girls. She raised her glass “cheers to that!” She said before down her drink “woahhh that smooth”she giggled, placing her cup down. Santana playfully rolled her eyes, glancing over at the bartender “okay fine! But I’m getting his number before I leave” she said hopping down for her chair. She grabbed Charice’s hand “come on you’re gonna dance with me until I find someone better” she teased “and no dancing like a white girl Trouble” she teased with a wink. She seen a cute guy that seem to look like Mercedes type innocently pushing Mercedes toward him “oops sorry Cedes.”

Charice: raised her brows as Mercedes spoke. “Damn, it was just a joke but okay we’ll chill,” she said. The song changed as they walked onto the dance floor and she swayed to the music before cutting her eyes at her best friend. “don’t you ever insult me like that again,” she sucked her teeth, watching as Santana pushed Cedes into a random guy. “You already know she is gonna kiiillll you,” she laughed, bouncing and swaying to the beat.

Mercedes: was just about to follow her two friends to the dance floor for some much needed fun when Santana pushed her into a hard body. “Oomph,” she tripped, glaring at her best friend before looking up into soft brown eyes. “Sorry,” she started to say, his hand on her waist as he caught her. “It’s okay,” he smiled down at her. He was at least a foot taller than her, his bright smile making her blink a few times as she looked between his full lips and his dark, warm eyes. “What’s your name beautiful?” he asked, swaying them both to the music. “Sadie,” she partially lied. He nodded. “Nice to meet you Sadie. I’m Jamal. I know we’re already dancing but do you wanna dance?” Mercedes smiled softly and nodded. “Sure.”

Santana: chuckled at Charice’s expression and sighed “okay.. okay.. I’m sorry! Know need to give me the look” she teased. She tried to act innocent when Mercedes shot her a look. , but failed “Yeah I know but she will pull through” she shrugged moving her hips to the music, noticing that Mercedes and the guy were dancing a little. She leaned over to get closer to Charice “Maybe she won’t kill me after all” she motioned toward Mercedes.

Charice: placed her hands on her hips and spun around, enjoying the sound of the music. “I guess she wont,” she smirked, pulling Santana away from the couple. “Let’s back up and give them some space. Meanwhile you and me can get our flirt on. Especially you and that bartender,” she winked.

Mercedes: originally didn’t want to dance with this handsome stranger but he didn’t seem like a creep. He made her feel comfortable even when the song finally changed. Jamal spun her around in a circle and she paused, feeling the alcohol start to warm her body. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck as she pressed herself against him and they started to grind to the music. He clasped his hands with hers and waved them in the air, making her laugh as he made a ‘woot woot’ noise. “I gotta say,” he whispered in her ear. “You are the only girl who can make snorting sound sexy.” She laughed louder with a shake of her head. “That is such a lie and you know it.” Jamal slid his hands to her waist and swayed with her. “Okay but it made you laugh baby girl.”

Sam: was on his way to the gallery to finish up some paintings and hoping that Mercedes would stop by before she went home. But his friend of the club had asked Sam to stop by so they could talk business, so Sam was running a little late. It took him ten minutes for him and his friend Greg to talk about a new business venture that they might get into together. Once he was done chit chatting he head toward the door to finally leave. He past through the crowd getting ready to leave until he saw someone that looked familiar. He stopped in his footsteps, moving a bit to get a better view of the girl. When he finally figured out who she was, he instantly felt his temper flare up. He didn’t have to worry about Mercedes stopping by his gallery because she was standing there dancing with another guy. Don’t get him wrong he knew he had no right to get pissed off, but he could stop himself from getting angry, feeling as if she belong to him. “what the hell?” He muttered. Something told him to just leave but another part of him told himself to get her away from the guy. Sam stood there for a few more seconds, but completely snapped when the guy ran his hands down her to her hips “fuck this!” He mumbled, storming toward them and without saying a word, grabbed her arm and leading her to her friends office. He noticed the guy getting ready to protest “If you want your damn tongue I suggest you move on..” he growled, before dragging her into the room, slamming the door behind her, turning around to face her with so much jealousy in his eyes “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

Santana: smirked at Mercedes and the guy as she followed Charice away from them. She was hoping that Mercedes find her a good guy in all of this. She continue to dance with her friend and glancing back over toward the bartender. “I’ll be right back.. I’m gonna get another drink” she smirked. “Why don’t you dance with that guy! He is cute!” She pointed at the guy that was standing by his table.

Charice: gave Santana a knowing look and hummed. “Mhhmmm, you don’t need no damn drink. You’re just thirsty,” she said, glancing at the guy Santana pointed out. “Since when did you become a damn matchmaker. I’ll find my own man thank you very much.. you’re lucky the guy you picked out was cute.” She gave her best friend a wink before walking over to the stranger and introducing herself.

Mercedes: was enjoying the soft reggae song that was playing as she and Jamal danced and closed her eyes as his hands slid to her hips. She didn’t know if it was because of the tequila or what but being held by a man that wasn’t Sam didn’t feel as foreign as she thought it would, especially since he was such a good dancer. He was whispering in her ear, making her giggle when she felt someone grab her arm, pulling her away from Jamal. “What the hell?!” she shouted, not hearing herself over the music. She looked from the hand on her arm and up to the owner before gasping slightly, seeing Sam’s angry, jealous eyes. Jamal was now the farthest thing from her mind as she was led into the office in the back. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to catch her breath and glared at Sam as he shouted at her. She flinched but stood her ground, fanning her warm face. “That was dancing. You ever seen it before?” she quipped. She knew being a smart ass wouldn’t help the situation but he had the audacity to be jealous when technically, she was single and was allowed to dance with who she pleased.

Sam: scoffed loudly at her response“Really? The only thing I saw was his DICK grinding against your ass!” He retorted, feeling his anger getting worst. “I should fucking kill him for touching you!” He growled, balling up his fist. He knew he needed to calm down, but the more he thought about that dude touching Mercedes, the more pissed he got. He walked over to the desk, placing both hands on it, taking deep breath. But when he thought he was okay to talk calmly and rationally, memories of the guy running his hands down Mercedes body set him off again “ughhhh” he groaned knocking things off the desk, turning around to glare at her “You’re not dancing with him again! You hear me?” He said marching toward him “Your NOT!” He breathed, looking her up and down.

Mercedes: looked at him in shock. She couldn’t believe he really had the nerve to be jealous like this and on top of that, yell at her. Normally, she would argue back as politely as she could but right now, she had no filter due to the shots they took before coming to the club and she was annoyed with Sam. “Maybe I wanted his dick on my ass,” she shot back bluntly. “I don’t know if you are aware of this but we aren’t a couple, Sam! You realize every time we’re together, you go home to HER. I watch you leave my bed and go home to HER. I do all the naughty little things your perfect little fiancee wont do and I don’t say anything about the fact that you’re probably still screwing her, while you’re screwing me! So please, understand that I am NOT yours so I can do WHATEVER the hell I want, with WHOEVER I want and you cant do a thing about it.” She watched him throw things off the desk and took a step towards him as he glared at her, red hot anger in his eyes. “Or what?” she challenged, her eyes staring into his, daring him to stop her. “Like I said, you cant do a damn thing… go home to your fiancee Sam.” She spun around on her heels and headed towards the door.

Sam: was getting ready to speak, but stopped when Mercedes pointed out that he was engaged Mila and that she didn’t belong to him. Which pissed him off more then anything because he knew she was 100% right. She didn’t belong to him and she was only doing what he was hoping she would do one day and that was find someone much better then him. But now that the reality of her moving on past him was coming true. He didn’t know if he could let her go, not when he was so much in love with her, which he couldn’t tell her. Sam stared down at her as she challenged him once again. He didn’t know what to do or what to say at this point because everything she was saying was valid. He should let her go, let her find someone that was worthy of her and he should go and be with his fiancee. But as she got ready to leave, the possessive side of him would let her leave. So without saying a word, he grabbed her hand, turning her away to face him. He ran both his hand down her face, cupping her throat, walking her backwards until she was blocking the door “I said… your.” He kissed her lips “not” he said nipping at his skin “dancing with him.. again” he whispered.

Mercedes: knew that she was right and she knew that Sam knew that she was right. He couldn’t say anything and he couldn’t stop her, not really anyways. She didn’t want to challenge him or question how he felt about her but between her fight with Charice and the fact that he was acting like the world was falling apart because she was dancing with another guy, it was like that was her only option. She reached for the doorknob but felt Sam grab her hand and turn her around. She felt his hands on her neck and gasped, as she felt the door hit her back. Just like that, with one touch, her anger had switched into something else and she clenched her legs together to calm the heat between them. How was it after all these years, he still had that affect on her. No matter how many people she slept with, he was still the only one to make her weak in the knees with one touch. She lazily returned the kisses and pouted seductively. “Or. What. You gonna punish me?” she teased. As of now, she couldn’t care less about leaving this room, all she wanted was sex but she was still going to play hard to get. She inched closer, whispering against his lips while her hands reached for his belt buckle. “What if that’s what I want?” she muttered, yanking at his belt.

Sam: bit his bottom lip, watching her closely as she walked closer to him. He leaned down to kiss her lips “I just might” he whispered, looking down to see her put on her hand on his belt buckle. He ran his hand down to her ass, she yanked at her belt, causing him to push her further against the wall. The way she was looking and the way her nose was flaring up because she mad, made him want here more then anything right now “you know I always aim to please, Shortie” he whispered, running his hand down to the hem of her skirt, raising it up slowly.

Mercedes: felt his hand slip down her leg and to the hem of her skirt, hiking it up slowly but stopped his hand. Before they did anything else, she wanted an apology for the way he dragged her in here in a jealous rage. She leaned against the door, blindly locking it and pecking his lips. “Nope. I’m still mad,” she whispered, her lips trailing down his chin and neck. Her teeth grazed against the skin there ever so gently before taking a quick bite and pulling away. “Apologize.” She could tell how reluctant he was to do anything of the sort but her own ego wanted an apology. She turned her head to the side, her eyes large and innocent while still being seductive and playful. “Please? All you have to do is tell me how sorry Daddy is and then you can get exactly what you want,” she licked her lips, taking his hand that she still had a hold of and placing it between her legs, right where she wanted him most, right where she was so wet and ready for him. She moved a bit so that his fingers were just at her entrance but didn’t slip inside her. “You feel that?” she whispered hotly, he breath on the crook of his neck as she kissed him there. “Say you’re sorry and it’s all yours.” She placed one more kiss on his neck before resting against the door and bringing the hand he had between her legs to her lips, sucking on his middle finger with a moan. “Say it Sam.”

Sam: was getting ready to pull her skirt up her thighs, but before he could even get there, she stopped his movement causing him to look at her in surprise. He watched her quietly, while she locked the door and demanded that he apologizes to her. Sam knew he was wrong in this whole situation, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to apologize at least not yet and he was going to tell her that. But before he could her mouth was on his skin, causing a spark going throughout his body. In his mind he knew what she was doing and he was trying hard not to react, because it would be exactly what she wanted. But his body was betraying him, especially when she called him Daddy. Something about her calling him that made his cover dick twitch. He watched her with hooded eyes as she grabbed his fingers placing them in between her legs. He tried so hard to at least keep a cold expression on his face, but the minute he felt just how wet she was for him, he quickly bit his bottom lip, picturing her pussy clenching around his dick or fingers. He let out a shaky breath nodding his head at her question, he sure in the hell could feel her wetness between his thick fingers. She was playing dirty and he knew this very well. But again he wanted her, even though his pride was fighting it for all it’s worth, his brain was yelling at him to give in. And the minute she put his finger into his mouth, moaning around it, his brain turned into complete mush “Daddy’s sorry” he said mindlessly, licking his lips.

Mercedes: knew exactly what she was doing. She wasn’t going to toot her own horn but she knew what got Sam going and she knew how to get what she wanted. And if this didn’t work, she’d just pretend to cry. But thankfully, he looked like he was right where he wanted her, wrapped around her finger and watching her every move with steamy eyes that were trying to mentally undress her. She paused her sucking on his finger and glanced up at him, her eyes playful and her lips parted around his finger. “I didn’t hear you,” she whispered, taking the entirety of his finger into her warm, wet mouth and pulling it out with a pop.

Sam: eyes was still on her, watching her as she continue to suck on his fingers. She was driving him crazy at this point and from the look on her face she already knew she had won. “D-Daddy’s sorry” he groaned.

Mercedes: narrowed her eyes slightly as he spoke once more and nodded her head. “Good,” she said before dropping his hand and pulling him flush against her, her lips molding with his. She could taste fire and passion on his tongue as they kissed, her heart beating quickly and her hands settling back on his belt buckle. She was pinned between him and the door but it was like she needed him closer. She was itching to feel him inside as soon as possible and continued to fumble with his buckle to free him. A moan escaped her mouth as they kissed and she captured his bottom lip between her teeth, nibbling on it gently as her hands finally undid his jeans zipper and buckle. She snaked her hands past his boxers and smirked at how hard he was. “Tell me what Daddy wants to do to me,” she groaned, placing his hand on her thigh so that he could lift up her skirt.

Sam: stumbled toward her, feeling her warm body tight against his own. He leaned down to meet her lips, moaning loudly as their tongue got to know each other once again. He placed his hands on her hips, as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. In his mind all he could think about is how much he loved kissing her and how much he wanted nothing more than to be deep inside of her. He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of his belt unbuckling and the feel of her mouth nibbling on his lips. He sighed softly, as her hand snaked over his dick “fuck” he moaned. All she was doing was rubbing against his dick and he was already on the verge of completely losing it. He leaned his head against her forehead “Daddy wants you to feel every inch of his dick” he breathed, lifting her skirt all the way to her hips. Sam locked eyes with her brown ones, running his hands down to her panties, scrunching up the sides “Does Daddy have permission?” He asked, ripping her panties to shreds.

Mercedes: felt a zing go down her spine as his hands lifted her skirt up. She felt him grab at her panties and honestly, she’d rather he didn’t destroy them like he destroyed so many other pair of her underwear. This underwear she was wearing were her favorite sexy pair and just as she opened her mouth to warn him not to rip them, she heard the awful sound of fabric being torn from her body. She yelped and bit down on her bottom lip, slightly pouting. “Daddy has permission to buy me new panties,” she quipped before giving his dick one last long stroke.

Sam: smirked against her lips, trying not to chuckle at her pouty face “hmmmm do you deserve new panties?” he rushed out as she stroked his dick. “Y-You didn’t answer the question Shortie” he moaned, running his hands to her ass, giving it a squeeze.

Mercedes: cocked her head to the side and gasped as he squeezed her ass with a smirk. “Baby,” she whispered. “My hand’s on your dick. I think that’s answer enough.” She pulled him into another seething kiss, groaning as she sucked on his tongue ever so gently. All this foreplay was fun but she was tired of talking. She pulled away gently and nodded towards the couch that was in the corner of the office, pushing Sam towards it until he was seated. She moved her hand out of his jeans and straddled him, hiking up her skirt int he process. The leather of the couch was noisy as she looked between them, seeing how hard he was as she tugged his jeans down just a bit to free his dick. “Does this answer your question?” she whispered against his lips, parting them with her tongue as she positioned herself over him before sinking down onto his dick slowly. She let out a sharp gasp as she adjusted to him, their mouths still connected in an intense kiss.

Sam: let out another groan, nodded his head when she pointed out that his dick was in her hand. “That’s true” he sighed, crashing her lips into hers. At this point his hands were all over her and he could tell that she wanted him as much much as he wanted her. Just from the way she was kissing him and sucking on his tongue. Once she broke the kiss for a minute he took a breath for a second, looking her up and down with a smirk as she motioned toward the couch. He walked backwards until he felt the edge of the couch against the back of his knees, plopping down. He watched her with hooded eyes, as she straddled his lap. He shifted a little in his seat for a minute, raising his ass up so he could pull down his pants. Sam chuckled lightly at her comment “I stand corrected Ms.Jones” he whispered. Sam locked eyes with hers as she lined his dick at her entrance, slowly going down. He could already feel her tighten around him “shit” he breathed, returning the heated kiss. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, moving his against her, kissing her as if their life depended on it.

Mercedes: didn’t move for a few seconds as her body shivered at the way they were connected. She raked her fingers through his hair, making him look crazy as they sloppily kissed and moaned when she finally started to move her hips. It was slow at first, calculated and intense as she rode and kissed him, both becoming faster the more comfortable she got. She pecked at his swollen lips, her eyes clenching shut as she bit out a strangled moan.

Sam: lungs burned in his chest from the passionate kiss that they couldn’t seem to break his tongue refusing to leave the warmth of her perfect mouth. He slipped his hands down the curve of her spine, cupping her firm cheeks in his strong hands. He massaged her soft flesh with his fingers, as she started to ride his dick. Sam had sex with Mercedes a lot of times but it seemed it got better and better with her. Just being able to hold her as they moved together was a feeling that would never get old to him. He moved his lips down her cheeks, leaving wet kisses as he did.”shit” he moaned against her skin, as he moved deeper inside of her, at a fast pace.

Mercedes: gripped the back of the couch for more leverage and swirled her body over Sam’s, her legs shaking each time he hit her spot. She moaned loudly against his inviting mouth, her eyes fluttering open and closed as he kissed down her cheek. Her nails dug into the cheap leather of the couch and the music from the club made her chest vibrate the louder it became. “Yes,” she moaned loudly, hunching over so that she was hugging Sam.

Sam: large fingers pressed deep into the smooth round cheeks of Mercedes’ ass, while She pushed her body up and down his dick. He exhaled deeply against her lips as the hot walls of her pussy squeezed around him. He kissed her skin, brushing the hair from her face, thrusting his hips upwards to meet her movements. Sam smirked at her loud moan, slipping his arms around her back. “Fuck!” He grunted. He held her tighter, thrusting his hips with vigor into her hot sex. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, breathing heavily against her skin the more force she used to continuously grind her hips against him.

Mercedes: couldn’t close her eyes any tighter than they already were. She felt like she was going to burst at any moment, the way they were moving in sync, her heart beating rapidly and her hands clutching to the couch for dear life. Each slow grind pushed her that much closer to the edge and the sounds they were making set off her other senses in anticipation. She lazily wrapped her hands around Sam’s neck as he breathed into hers, and whimpered loudly in ecstasy. “Right there,” she mewled, biting on her bottom lip as the heat rose up her spine and to her neck. She sang out another moan, grabbing a fist full of Sam’s hair and pulling him back so that she could stare into his darkened eyes. Her mouth parted as she tried to keep the eye contact but eventually failed, her head falling back as another wave hit her and another groan fell from her lips.

Sam: grunted, pushing past the clenching resistance of Mercedes’ slick walls. He slowed his thrusts as she slowed her own movements down, taking the time to enjoy the sweet pull of her pussy around his throbbing member. His chest pushed against hers with each heavy breath, loving the way she was moaning and whimpering for him. He let it a groan as she pull on his hair, which set him off. It was like the more she pulled on his hair the harder he started to fuck her, He held on to her tightly buckling his hips underneath her to the point that his muscles were pulling. “Fuckkkk” he shouted locking eyes with hers. Sam held her gaze, licking his lips, he slid his hands to her hips, squeezing them tight.

Mercedes: was so close, she could practically taste it. The way they moved, the way he moved under her, the way she moved, the way he made her feel. It was all so overwhelming and she felt like her senses were in complete overload. She didn’t mean to pull his hair once more but did, as her orgasm began to build in her stomach. “Yeah!” she urged him on, grinding down harshly to milk every last stroke for whatever they had. She buried her face in the crook of Sam’s neck, her teeth grazing against his ear as she moaned his name. She wanted him to hear that she was close and that it was him that was causing it. Not some guy she was dancing with who didn’t even know her real name. “Cum inside me,” she begged, her lips moving to suckle at his neck as he furiously drilled into her. “Please, please, please.”

Sam: grunted deep. “Keep riding me baby.” He growled, watching Mercedes body rise to the tip of his cock. A hot rush of breath left his lungs when she impaled her tight pussy with his dick over and over again. “Fuuck!” He groaned, gripping her hips tighter. He continue to fuck her harder, not caring how loud they were both being at this point., the sexy sound of her ass meeting his hips filled his ears was all he need to keep movements faster and harder. His heart hammered against his ribs as he bucked his hips. Sam felt the slick walls of her pussy clenching tight around him. He tried keeping his eyes on hers but all he wanted was to slam his lids shut and let the sensations take over. He watched the looks of pleasure sweep across her face as her body tensed above him. “Shit!” He panted through harsh breaths. He groaned breathlessly as she sucked on his skin, while they moved together as one. He heard her words loud and clear and without even questioning it, he gave into his orgasm, unleashing his seed inside of her. “Shit..shit.. shit” groaned loudly continuing move inside of her, wanting to bring her to her own pleasure.

Mercedes: knitted her brows together in concentration as she focused on her coming orgasm. She could feel the muscles in her back and legs tensing as she ground down hard, his dick hitting her spot once more. “Unh,” she groaned into his ear, shaking as she finally fell over the edge right after him, her body tensing up as she rode out wave after wave. She dropped her head, all of her energy suddenly gone and rested it on Sam’s shoulder, his warm cum dripping down her thigh as she slapped a hand to the wall to keep her body somewhat upright. She was out of breath, felt weak but god was it worth it. “Mmm,” she hummed, inhaling deeply and licking her lips as he eyes fluttered open. “God I forgot… I forgot how possessive you could get.” She lifted her head up and placed a soft kiss on Sam’s hot forehead. “You know you’re all I want, right? I was just dancing with him.”

Sam: sat there in silence as he came down from his high. Don’t get him wrong he loved doing this with ever. But it just been so long that he has acted jealous or possessive that it kind of scared him. This was another big sign on how much he loved her and how he knew he didn’t know how to let her go completely. He licked his lips as he looked down to meet her brown eyes. Hearing her words made him so badly want to tell her once again how he really felt about her. But he knew he couldn’t, he wouldn’t allow himself to say it. “Yeah I know” he whispered, pulling her into a hug, kissing her cheeks and then her lips “I’m sorry Shortie” he whispered, running his hands up and down her back.

Mercedes: closed her eyes as Sam pulled her into a hug and sighed. “You’re forgiven Daddy,” she teased, lifting herself off of him and flopping beside him on the couch. “This was not how I imagined this night turning out.” She thought about Santana and Charice and wondered if they were worried about her or if they’d even seen Sam come in. “I should head back out there. Charice and Tana might get worried,” she frowned, standing up and adjusting her skirt and top. “I guess I gotta walk around without underwear… thanks for that by the way. You owe me some nice lingerie.”

Sam: chuckled, kissing her one last time before she got off him. He raised his hip up so he could pull his boxers and jeans back up “Oh so I made your night even better huh?” He teased. He zipped up his pants, standing from the couch “Yeah you should.. maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked, straighten his shirt. He smirked at her complaint of not having any more underwear “there are worst things babe… but don’t worry… I’ll get you some more” he said walking over to pick up his friends things, placing them back on on the desk neatly. He turned to face her “by the way…I decided to get you a shirt saying I know who my real daddy is” he said cockily.

Mercedes: rolled her eyes playfully. “I didn’t say that. I said that it turned out different then I expected. don’t get cocky on me.” She stood from the couch and tried her best to adjust her hair and make up so that she didn’t look like she’d just had great sex before walking over to Sam and pinching his chin. “Oh baby if you get me that shirt, I’m burning it,” she smirked, kissing his lips and walking out of the office. She knew she should find Charice and Santana but honestly, she needed a drink first. She tapped her fingers on the bar table top happily and asked for a shot, snorting when she saw Santana flirting with the bartender. “Ahem,” she cleared her throat. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Sam: playfully scoffed “I’m never cocky” he lied, earning a look from her “okay maybe a little” he said as she pinched his chin. “Ugh you’re such a dream killer” he pouted, returning the kiss. He smirked, tilting his head as he watched her walk out of the room. He waited until he thought the it was clear enough and left out the back door.

Santana: had been spending most of the night talking to the bartender and basically getting drunk. Some would say it was bribing. But in her mind it wasn’t especially when the bartender whispered to her what he wanted to do to her with his tongue. Normally Santana would flirt and go to the next but she was drunk and anything would turn her on right now. She heard Mercedes behind her and turned around “Heyyyyy best friend! It’s totally okay! Sit sit” She giggled leaning over to whisper “he said he wants to lick my woo hoo! I think I’m gonna let him” she slurred with a pout.

Charice: was sloppily making out with the guy Santana had pointed out to her earlier in the night. She had a few more shots, courtesy of the hot, taller man who was currently pressing her against the wall and grabbing on her ass. He was a good kisser, that much was for sure but she had no plans to go home with him. As far as she was concerned, their night would end here after some gentle groping. She pulled away, her lipstick smeared over his face and most likely hers. “Stay,” she ordered with a playful finger. She needed water or more tequila. She slipped out of his arms and stumbled over to the bar, only to see her two friends already chatting. “Oh my god hey! Listen. I need another shot because this guy is kissing me like I’ve never been kissed before with his juicy ass lips, looking like Jay-Z’s younger brother,” she breathed.

Mercedes: chuckled at Santana and shook her head. “I bet you will,” she smirked. “But before you do, maybe get him to get me another drink.” She looked up when Charice stumbled over to them and snorted. “So am I the only sober one out of the three of us?”

Santana: giggled loudly “well of course! I’m not a bad friend Cedes” she said tapping on the bar “Heyyyyy Mr.McHottie my friend needs a drinkkk” she said clumsily sitting back on the stool, looking up to see Charice “ewwww make sure he doesn’t have mono… it’s reallyyyyyyy contagious” she slurred having no idea what she was even talking about at this point. She shook her head, taking another drink of her drink “Nope! I’m perfectlyyyyy sober!!!” She shrugged “you know what? I’m gonna call Chris and tell him how nice he issss”. She said digging out her phone.

Charice: scoffed. “He don’t got no damn mono,” she said, although she didn’t know for sure. She leaned against the bar stool, feeling her balance go off before slipping and falling onto the floor with a soft thud. “Oh my god,” she sang. “Yall I haven’t been this drunk since I got married.” She felt someone help her up and smiled at the kind stranger shakily. “Be careful. I might marry you nexxxxtttt.”

Mercedes: knew it was time to go. Between Santana pulling out her phone and Charice falling over, the night was going from fun to sloppy really fast. “Okay no no,” she said, taking Santana’s phone. “We don’t drunk call exes, especially ones that have small children that sleep at this hour and we don’t marry strangers.” She pulled out her own phone and called an Uber to come pick them up. “Come on, we’re going home,” she said, trying to help her two friends walk.

Santana: sighed dramatically at Charice “That’s what I said about Dustkin… or what is Daniel.. ugh I don’t knowwww” she whined. She chuckled at Charice, waving a finger “You’re already marriedddd” she drunkenly point out. She got her phone getting ready to click on Chris’ name before Mercedes snatched her phone away, saving her from an embarrassing moment “Cedessssss I just wanted to tell him how nice he issss! It’s not like we don’t have a kid together!!!” She pouted loudly. She slowly but surely got off her chair, tripping over her own shoes a little, “but I’m not ready to go home” she mumbled, hooking her arm with Mercedes’ as she lead them out.

Charice: shook her head. “Legally maybe,” she laughed as Santana and Mercedes argued over her phone. “don’t lie you know you wanna call him to tell him you miss that bomb diiiiccccck!” She felt Mercedes wrap an arm around her and lead her out of the club, the cold air shocking her and sobering her up for a split second. “Why the hell did I wear this small ass dress?! Oh my god, it’s freezing!” she nearly slipped again, her heels buckling beneath her and landed on her bottom. “Ow,” she frowned, looking up at Mercedes and gasping. “Oh my god, Cedes, you know you don’t got no damn panties on?” She meant to whisper it but it came out louder than she expected. “Girl what did that man do to you in the club? Where your drawers at?!”

Mercedes: led them outside and winced at the chilly breeze before seeing their uber pull up. “Okay, you two can complain as soon as we get back to my apartment. But hey, no throwing up in the uber and especially no throwing up on Cedes, mkay?” She winced when Charice fell again and bent down to help her, only to have her cousin see that she was pantie-less thanks to Sam. She gasped loudly and shut her legs tightly. “Reesie, shush!” she ordered, yanking open the car door and practically pushing Charice in.

Santana: poked her bottom lip, ignoring the fact that it was cold outside “I really dooooo” she confessed with a sigh. She laughed when Charice fell, be the first one to get into the car “haha Charice is white girl drunk” she chuckled some more. She laid her against the headrest of the car only hearing half of what Charice was saying “Hey! I do have panties on seeee” she said opening her legs to show them her red panties. “Ugh this sucks” she groaned “Cedes give me my phone… I-” she trailed off before falling asleep.

Charice: fell into the car with a giggle. “Cedes I had no idea you kept everything all crisp and neat down there. I pegged you for a bush baby,” she teased, earning a pinch from her cousin. “Ow! Sanny close your damn legs, ain’t nobody talking about your panties. Ugh.” She glanced over at Santana as she passed out and snorted, her own head swimming drunkenly. “So I’m gonna assume you lost your drawers because of that guy you were grinding on. I told you you’d get over Sam with a quickness. Replace old dick with new dick. Sure fire way to move on,” she trailed off, staring out the window.

Mercedes: rolled her eyes, getting in besides Santana and pushing her legs closed when she flashed everyone. “Okay, thank you Tana for the show,” she said, glaring at Charice. “I’m not talking about this with you, especially when you’re drunk.” She greeted the uber driver with a small smile, thankful that Santana had passed out and buckled her seat belt as Charice droned on. If only her cousin knew that her plan for getting Mercedes to move on hadn’t and wouldn’t work. Not now, and most likely, not ever.

#Para:Must Be Something In The Liquor #dyfam rp #Mercedes Jones rp #Santana Lopez rp

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ts-crossroads · 7 years

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Episode Two - “Tumblr Survivor Don’t Want Me To Live” - Julia

A legend DIED today wtf. I miss Rhone and we weren’t even on the same tribe. I know last confession I was like oh Rhone didn’t vote for me in Themyscira he can go to tribal bye but NOW I feel HORRIBLE!!! He actually went home!!! I didn’t think he was gonna go home!!! Fuck!!!

OMG WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT RHONE ALWAYS GETTING BAD PLACEMENTS !!! 1 rip my baby and 2 I’m a fucking fortune teller, future predictor, queen of the past and future castaway

Rhone getting voted out? Fucking fantastic! One of the stronger vets coming into this, in my opinion, and also probably one of the only few people I didn't get to speak to, at length, during One World. Bye Bye Rhone!

Okay so like bitch. I really am tryna not be a messy bitch already butttt Rebecka is being one so its triggering me to be one. Like girl i ain't got time for that bs. Not to mention she and Rhone wanted to flip on me? Good that their asses aren't a thing anymore lmao! But anyways, pray bc im tryna not be a mess

Thanks to my strategy, we dominated the first Immunity Challenge. When Optio realized that Fatum and Imperium had teamed up, it was too late for them to do anything about it. I'm not crying, though- the only person on that tribe I felt a connection with was Jake, and he survived Tribal. In addition to allowing us to win, my strategy revealed a lot of interesting information. For instance, before I could even mention working with Fatum specifically, Bryan had ALREADY begun talking to Emily about teaming up. https://imgur.com/cd5ebDW First of all, this shows me that Bryan feels very comfortable with Emily- who isn't even on our tribe- and also that Emily was playing me. Hard. From talking to Autumn and Chris, it sounds like she's dominating Fatum with her social game, and she tried to work her charm on the rest of us, too. Someone that manipulative is going to be dangerous down the road, and make it more likely that Bryan will flip on us when we swap. Autumn, Chris and I seem to be on the same page, and Chris and I are working on convincing Dane that Autumn is a non-entity so he'll be more open to her working with us. Dane thinks the trio is himself, Chris, and me, but in reality, he's the loose 4th number that I won't hesitate to cut if necessary. The working alliance name is Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. That's important. https://pictures.abebooks.com/isbn/9780671502904-us.jpg At this point, I feel pretty good about the way things are going. I've got a total cross-tribal bromance with Johnny going on (#FratBrosAlliance), a solid threesome-plus-one on my tribe, and it doesn't sound like Sam or Bryan have tried to form an alliance at all. They better pray we win immunity, because this game is heating up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaryPBAz_Pk

WOW OKAY. FIRST OF ALL....... Icon me getting an automatic bye in the semi finals of the reward challenge, by simply doing nothing, and then losing horrifically on my first go at the challenge. It's okay! I showed I'm a team player by not playing for the storyteller for next round, and our tribe didn't win anything for reward in particular, which didn't bother me at all, because that means that no one on our tribe looks particularly good, and we all are on a level playing ground, which is good strategically from my perspective. Now, heading into post reward challenge, which is the more ICONIQUE part of my night..... I go to search for the idol, and it's the first round, so very meh, the odds of finding ANYTHING are typically not in my favor... rt? NOT RIGHT!! NOT RIGHT AT ALL!!!!! [12/13/17, 11:11:39 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): You open the book to the marked page. The prologue has ended, and you turn the page. “Chapter One,” it reads, “At Castle Crossroads.” Immediately, the world around you shifts. You find yourself standing in a dimly lit hallway. Lit torches line the walls, and surrounding you are two large doors. What would you like to do? You can… 1. Continue down the hall. 2. Take the left door. 3. Take the right door. 4. Take a torch from the wall. 5. Cry out for help. [12/13/17, 11:17:19 PM] ~~Johnny~~: hmm [12/13/17, 11:17:53 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I really wanna see what happens if I choose option Five [12/13/17, 11:18:03 PM] ~~Johnny~~: But the SMART version of Johnny is telling the dumb version of Johnny not to choose that option [12/13/17, 11:18:11 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): do whatever you want :) [12/13/17, 11:18:17 PM] ~~Johnny~~: watch crying out for help mean an idol gets put in my hand [12/13/17, 11:18:18 PM] ~~Johnny~~: fuck it [12/13/17, 11:18:20 PM] ~~Johnny~~: it’s round one [12/13/17, 11:18:22 PM] ~~Johnny~~: it’s all luck [12/13/17, 11:18:25 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I’m gonna cry out for help [12/13/17, 11:18:44 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): Your calls are soon answered by the most handsome man you have ever seen in your entire life! “Hi,” he says. “I’m Sir Nestor.” What’s your name? You introduce yourself, and he grabs your hand, shaking it firmly. “What did you come here for?” You have two options - profess your undying love for this beautiful man and claim to have come here to woo him and take his hand in marriage, or, try to play it cool and make him jealous, claiming you are here for the Ball, and a chance to meet the Prince. [12/13/17, 11:19:09 PM] ~~Johnny~~: oof [12/13/17, 11:19:20 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): I know [12/13/17, 11:19:20 PM] ~~Johnny~~: one will probably mean that he grabs me tight and gives me an idol [12/13/17, 11:19:27 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): that's what I said when I saw sir nestor too [12/13/17, 11:19:27 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Another would mean that if I play it cool, he might say fuck off [12/13/17, 11:19:48 PM] ~~Johnny~~: So I think the safer option is to profess my undying love for this beautiful man [12/13/17, 11:19:55 PM] ~~Johnny~~: as if anything that I’m saying makes any logical sense [12/13/17, 11:20:01 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): gdgdfsgd [12/13/17, 11:20:03 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): one sec [12/13/17, 11:21:02 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): Sir Nestor is flattered. “I’m sorry, but my heart belongs to another,” he discloses. “But I owe you for the piece of your heart I have stolen.” He grabs your hand again and presses something small and wooden into it. “Take this for safe keeping.” He winks at you and walks away, into the darkness. [12/13/17, 11:21:19 PM] ~~Johnny~~: uhm [12/13/17, 11:21:21 PM] ~~Johnny~~: excuse me? [12/13/17, 11:22:55 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): Sir Nestor has given you half of a hidden immunity idol! This half of Sir Nestor's heart can be combined with any other idol half to make a hidden immunity idol. These halves can be obtained in numerous ways - you will have to find them! [12/13/17, 11:23:03 PM] ~~Johnny~~: OMG [12/13/17, 11:23:04 PM] ~~Johnny~~: STFU [12/13/17, 11:23:07 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I found a half of one? [12/13/17, 11:23:09 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I’m dying LISTEN READERS!! I KNOW THAT'S A LOT TO READ, BUT FFS PLEASE READ WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I chose "Cry for Help" and "Profess undying love for strange man" and got half an idol! THIS IS FUCKING FANTASTIC!! Now... on a serious note. Having half an idol is huge for a lot of ways. For starters, I am definitely not telling anyone I have this half of an idol. I learned last season from my Steffen incident, and I know that there's no chance in hell I can share this information with anyone. I am, of course, going to try to go for the idol every single round, in hopes of finding the other half, but I now, more than ever, need to play a super strong social game, but not delve into strategy talk (Thanks Andrew for that piece of advice) and just keep it purely social, and let people bring up things like "I trust you" and "I get good vibes from you" so that way they can maybe feel more comfortable telling me about the idol. This gives me a lot of leverage early on in the game, and I'm pretty stoked, but I've gotta keep it cool. As for not participating in the immunity challenge. I see there being no upside to competing for several reasons. First off, I said over and over I'd compete if someone else wanted to sit out, which shows that I'm willing to compete, and also, if we win, I'm immune and didn't have to do much work for the challenge, meanwhile if we lose, there's likely going to be a member of our tribe who didn't do as much, and it's going to be easier to divert attention on that person. I'm thinking I'm safe if we lose, but I honestly don't believe my connections are as strong as they can be, so I'm going to really have to pick that up the best I can, but I do feel confident in my relationships with Ryan, Haley and John. I know Haley likes Emily, so that can maybe give me an in there. I see Nicole being first out of our tribe. She doesn't seem the most active, so I've got faith in that being the vote if we lose still. I know I keep talking about who I would vote over and over again in these confessionals, but it's always a thought in my head, and rightfully so, because eventually this game is going to pick up entirely, and it's going to be chaos.

I have 2 scavenger hunts in 2 games this week and I just want rhone back what the actual FUCK I was so excited to meet/play with rhone

Anyone who disagrees with me on Hanukkah is racist CONFIRMED

Not to be that bitch but if my tribe loses after I drank jelly, jam, maple syrup, and Olive Garden dressing all together I’m going to McFreakin lose it! Also I did 30/36 things? If my tribe doesn’t pull their weigh I’m going to scream. Like I’m screaming. Some of them are talking about only having like ten things done and I’m like ????????? WHAT

Sooooo we lost the challenge, which is exactly what I was anticipating. I knew that this challenge was going to be one we were going to lose, because our tribe didn't give a half of a shit in terms of effort, and it kinda pisses me off, but now we're headed to tribal in the second round, and I think i'm partially ready for it. I knew that Ryan, John and Haley have all been pretty tight, and it should've been pretty simple in knowing that we were going to choose between Emily and Nicole, but then the LOVELY twist of the best scoring player from our tribe bringing a member from the winning tribe to tribal council is NOT bueno. Emily decided to bring over Bryan, which was an interesting choice. Honestly, I don't think Bryan being here or not being here will make an impact on tribal council, and I know the conversations I'm having right now with him are pussy footing around almost, and I'm trying not to make it seem too casual, because I can tell he's fed up with the small talk and wants to know what's happening with tribal council. APPARENTLY, according to Haley and John, is that Emily has admitted to both of them that she enjoys talking to Ned and Bryan more than she spoke to us, so like BUH BYE BITCH!! I tried to bring up the counter argument that Nicole is probably going to be detrimental in challenges when it comes to effort, compared to Emily, because Emily seems to care a lot more, but in a smaller cast, with an inevitable swap coming very soon, we can't keep around Emily, when she has way closer relationships on the other tribes, and we'll almost rather take a loss in a challenge with Nicole, than a few wins and bringing Emily into a swap, where she might screw us. On top of all of this, I know my social game couldn't possibly be as strong as it could be this time around, considering Emily didn't trust me with the information of her talking to other tribes more than us, which she did tell John and Haley, so this means I've really just gotta watch out and make sure my name isn't the name that is being brought up today for the potential vote from Emily. I think Nicole is going to be on board with voting with us too, to get rid of Emily, so I've gotta do a bit of talking to her today to make sure that Nicole feels some loyalty to me, and will feel closer to me after this vote, than hopefully the other people on our tribe, and then I've gotta talk to Emily and just make sure that my name isn't the name she plans on throwing out there. I think she's going to throw out Ryan's name, but who knows. Only in due time of tribal council will we find out.......

SOOOOOOOOO an alliance was made called the "The Stoners" which is actually my favorite alliance of all time, and I couldn't be happier with the title of it. The title alone just makes me want to trust them whole heartedly until the game is over. jkjkjk on a serious note NOW So the alliance is pretty damn perfect if you ask me. I have the three people I trust most in the game so far, and that's Ryan, John and Haley, and being in an alliance with them is good. I trust them, and I'm always pretty nervous going into a tribal council, but I do think we'll be fine this round, and I'm just going to try to make my name not come up at a tribal. My social game could be better, but i've gotta make it stronger with nicole and emily. AS FOR THE IDOL SEARCH THOUGH: Last time we spoke about my idol searches, I FOUND, check that out, FOUND half an idol on my first try, and I was like HOW DID I DO THAT WTF!! So then I decided to search again, and I ended up going down the main hall, and down the stairs, and I found a witch, and she asked me to play a game! [12/15/17, 9:51:18 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): You walk down the stairs and find yourself in a dark, damp room - presumably the dungeon. You hear a noise up ahead - it seems to be a chain dragging along the ground. Cautiously, you walk ahead into the darkness, and come upon a jail cell. Inside is a tiny man dressed like a jester. “Hello,” he says, surprised to see you. “My name is Mervyn. I’ve been down here a while… Would you like to play a game?” [12/15/17, 9:54:47 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Hmmm [12/15/17, 9:54:54 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Do I have to say yes or no? [12/15/17, 9:55:18 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): fkjadshjf yeah [12/15/17, 9:55:32 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Okay. I'll say yes [12/15/17, 9:56:08 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): ok so here is what will happen [12/15/17, 9:56:15 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): “Excellent!” Mervyn exclaims. “It’s been a long while since I’ve had some entertainment. Here is how this will work: I am hiding a coin in my left hand or right hand. If you can guess the correct hand three times in a row, you win! I’ll give you three attempts. Understood?” I lost the game, unfortunately, but IMAGINE if I won, it may have been the other half of that idol, and I would've been tripping my balls off, but I didn't find it, so I decided to try to gain some favor, and this may have been a HUGE mistake, but I get this feeling that this makes Haley, who is playing the game pretty hard, trust me more than she trusts John and Ryan. So I told her the exact path I took, and I told her that she had to play the game, try to win. I alsooooooo may or may not have decided to tell John too. I think this level of transparency that I can have with John and Haley this early is good. I'm definitely going to have to tell Ryan too, in hopes that one of them gets the half an idol, and tells me. At this point, I'm giving them a huge piece of information in this game, and I think they'll be thankful later, and maybe even secretly tell me that they found the other half of the idol that I'm looking for, that they don't know I have. I know this may be a flashback from Japan, but I've got a pretty decent vibe from these three, and at least knowing that Emily doesn't have it is just a step better than anything else, so I'll take that as a moral victory for now, and hope I'm the one who beats the game to get beyond the "Win."

ummm so wow thank god we won this challenge i was so nervous with bran literally ghosting like the fuck??? so after tribal bran told me that he wanted to get close with rebecka, and ended up making a chat with me, him and her. and then the next day brandon made a chat with me, him, and julia. Lmfao king of being in the middle?? well maybe im boo boo the fool and don't know! but...I don't trust Rebecka? She literally just voted me. So Bran isn't thinking that much, plus he told me he doesn't trust Brandon, who literally saved my ass.,.,.ok. Brandon told me the TEA which is that Julia was talking to him A LOT about saving Rebecka if we lose. It seems like she's close with her, prob bc they're both girls and that worries me. Like this heaux literally tried to send my ass packing obv if she wanted to target someone it would be me again so she can get less blood on her hands. She worries me, she went HAM in the immunity obv to get back into our good graces, so I'm kinda nerv. Also bc if we survive to a tribe swap and end up on the same tribe she'd prob try to throw me under the bus so fast LMAO. I told Brandon that he was my ride or die, I trust him the most. I rly hope he doesn't try to fuck me over in the future. I'm also worried about the idol cus if everyone's being honest then me, Brandon, and Julia don't have it. If Becky has that gaddamn idol then im fuckd.

YAYYYY, I’m so glad my tribe won the immunity challenge! We are really doing that! And Emily brought me over to her tribe for the vote! That’s awesome! I get to expand my social game too now and be more prepared if a tribe swap were to happen. The thing is. These people are so boring. I have not heard one fucking name the whole time I’ve been here. And I’ve literally been asking for one. They all say everyone is so nice. And they don’t wanna vote anyone off. Pft. Whatever AutumnI’m so blessed/ this tribe is amazing!!! It all came together and we did that. Also shoutout to Ned cause he killed it and wow what a lad #thatsmyally . Meanwhile I got into Athena All Stars so guess who gets to flop in yet ANOTHER scavenger hunt 🙃 I have neither the time nor the WiFi to pull off all these fucking photos and videos. I had 10 points worth of stuff that just never submitted because WiFi but I’m on Imperium sooo I’m nervous though because I feel like we’re literally the Healers tribe from Season 35 and I think we’re only gonna lose 1 person before merge, especially if we keep winning. Basically I need us to start losing so Opossum and Fart don’t take us out in the merge simply because we’re Impartial lol

Okay so Ned, Chris, and I formed an alliance and I’m really happy because I need numbers so badly in this game. However, when I went on call with Ned I noticed he was very hesitant to talk game with Chris and I so I’m scared that he’s playing both sides. Also we’ve all been working together to map out the storybook but I feel like I’m the only one that actually gives them step by step instructions on what I did and it’s pissing me off because I really want to get an idol. Now, for the rest of the tribe. During the one world interactions and the first immunity challenge Bryan and Emily formed a bond and that’s why our tribes teamed up on Optio, but I’m starting to get real sketch about him since she also picked him to come over and view their tribal council. Whenever I talk to Bryan he’s so boring and I think it’s because he doesn’t think that I’m useful to his game and that he’s only going to be super friendly whenever he needs me. But with that being said if he feels comfortable on my tribe then he thinks he has the majority and thats why it ties back into Ned. I really think Ned and Bryan are low key working together but I’m not going to let my paranoia get the best of me in this game. I just have to really work on Autumn and get closer with Chris.

Me when I’m about to get blindsided hard. Just an observation. omg if I got 17th I’d quit the community SORRY SORRY. Mini mental breakdown that i get from people not communicating with me and me just going all NFJKDLSNVJKDSFNJLKVSDNFJKLNSDVFJKLN Okay I’m having a good conversation with Emily. She won’t target me. cool tbh I’d rather Nicole go a bit now, but I don’t wanna sound indecisive in my confessional, or ruffle feathers with my tribemates, so I’m just going to go with this and hope for the best, even though I'm sounding pretty indecisive now. Rip Emily, she seems like she wants to be here pretty bad too. This is not what I wanted. Haley wanted this, and that little lady is playing very hard for a rookie, which is fine for me partly, but also a bit concerning because I don't want her to be in the position to just call the shots and me potentially be a shot she's calling, but I'm hoping for the best for the future and thinking this may be a decent move for me EEK IDK

And the winning streak continues! The reward challenge was great. We decided to split the challenges with 3 of us playing for Storymaster and 3 playing for immunity advantage. I was put into the Storymaster challenge (Knight Moves) with Chris and Autumn, and our only competition was Julia... who left before the challenge even started. So we played amongst ourselves and had Alliance Bonding Time (TM), where Chris eventually won. Also, Bryan won the advantage for our immunity challenge, which we didn't really need because everyone put in a ton of work and we won in a landslide (even with Chris's disadvantage from the Storybook as well as him being sick all day). The alliances are going great. Chris and I have an alliance with Dane (called Wassup Homies) and one with Autumn (called Mystery Inc. I'm Fred, Chris is Shaggy, and Autumn is Daphne). Now Chris and I need to work on stealthily merging the two alliances into one, but it's looking like we're in a good spot at the moment. In addition, I found a challenge advantage in the Storybook, which Dane tried to convince me to play last night. Dude, try to make it a LITTLE less obvious when you want to flush my advantage, because now I'm not sure I can trust you. Dane, keep that hug *boop* for me. Cuz it wasn't real. http://oi53.tinypic.com/vg6kcn.jpg Now here's where Bryan screwed up. Again. Because Fauna lost immunity, the person on their tribe who scored the highest gets to kidnap someone from another tribe, where they will cast a vote but be immune. The winner of this advantage happened to be Emily, and it was no surprise who she chose: Bryan. https://media.giphy.com/media/xT0xeQ3Qqmf2ZZ9rQk/giphy.gif So Bryan's obviously going to get pulled into Emily's alliance, where he'll learn ALL about the relationships and goings-on at Faulty, which will set him up REAL nicely for a swap or merge. If he doesn't spill all the Faculty secrets as soon as he gets back to camp, I'm strongly considering throwing the next challenge to vote him out, because letting Bryan reach a swap is a risk I'm not willing to take. SamanthaI’m glad I’m on a tribe that keeps winning but that makes me nervous bc there is little strategy going on, and if we merge without having a tribal, we are fucked. I may be getting ahead of myself with the merge thing, but my tribe is kicking ass. I sat out of this comp though so I really can’t take much credit. I am nervous about how close Bryan and Emily are. Bryan was the one who talked to Emily about having our tribes work together and then she won a reward allowing her to borrow Bryan for their tribal. If they’re both around when we merge, that is definitely a duo to split. I also love Chris. We snap all the time and he’s so funny and kind! I think I want to work with him. And we were talking about people on the tribe and we both think autumn is on the bottom. I haven’t talked to autumn since the first night which is not good at all hahaha. I really like Ned, we have a lot in common. I didn’t realize that in our previous game, and I know I have Dane. We have been friends for so long. I think we can easily work together. Autumn and Bryan are the only ones I’m worried about, but overall I think theyre fine for now. I’m really interested to see what happens at tribal. I wonder how the other tribes see us. I know fantum probably hates us but oh well :) I want to do a lot of idol searching this game. I’m tired of never having idols, I get them so rarely, I’m determined this game.

So Emily can't talk to me. She will ask John "how's Ryan doing in the challenge" etc etc all this shit. Like my PMs are OPEN. Haley and John both told me I was being targeted by Emily for tribal which idrc. Nicole said "I haven't heard anything" after we agreed to not vote each other and I think she's being a lil FAKER. But the stoner alliance of Haley/Me/John/Johnny should HOPEFULLY stick together and get Emily out....

Yay we won woohoo im still fuckin pissed that bran failed to complete a single scavenger hunt number???? How did we not lose like whatever i can't I'm just glad I'm safe this week !!!

At the beginning of the round Haley and I finally went on call and we really clicked once we were able to really talk to one another. One of the things she brought up was that if we lost she thinks Emily should go first because she had so many connections to the other tribes, which she has openly admitted to. She said she wanted an alliance with me and Ryan, and a few days later a chat was made with myself ryan Haley and Johnny. We lost by just a few points on the scavenger hunt which definitely stings a bit, but what is even worse is that Emily killed it for our tribe on that challenge. Haley immediately threw Emily's name out in our alliance chat, and everyone seems to think it's the best thing to do for us going forward. If we swap we don't know if Emily will be more loyal to us than to the others. Bryan being on the tribe makes it complicated as he is deff close with Emily. He's automatically taking her side and trying to get ryan to be the person voted out tonight. Nicole seems to be on the fence at this point, I can't tell what she wants to do. I really want to keep nicole close in this game as I love her but I'm worried she won't agree with this decision. I originally wanted to work with her and ryan together but will she vote out Emily? Who knows. A girls alliance was made by Emily once we lost the challenge, but nicole immediately told me about it. Haley then came to me as well. I feel like people trust me at this point and I don't want to lose that trust. I feel horrible about it but I feel like ryan and Haley are both better for my game going forward. It just stings cause I really like Emily too and would like to continue getting to know her. It's messy but hopefully whatever happens it happens smoothly.

My confessing game is really low I’m sorry. So basically everyone was SKIRTIN around bringing up names and I just casually mentioned that I hadn’t spoken much to Ryan to Haley and she seemed to not be opposed to voting him. I did the same sort of thing to Johnny then he added onto that saying that Ryan is a WINNER and I was like ? Oh! LOL! I’m a winner too but not in a main so I guess it doesn’t count I’m gonna pretend like I’m scared of Ryan just so we’ll go for him and not me :0! And then I talked to Nicole and she also seemed good with voting Ryan and Nicole said she’d talk to John! So everything is good and if things go according to plan, Ryan will be the first boot of the Fatum tribe. I think people are already starting to um? Look at me like a leader? Or a threat? And I’m a bit nervous? But also, they can fear me all they want. Don’t vote me out because I’m big and scary!!! GRRR!!!

This whole cast is cancelled bring back rhone pls

my social security number is 372-83-1938

#tscrossroads #episode two #confessionals

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hellotvv · 8 years

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Valentine’s Day

Randomly up late writing this, since I figured prob won’t have time to write this tomorrow haha.

Valentine’s Day... Hmhm, it’s a day that I can accurately recall for YEARS, always wanting a Valentine for Valentine’s Day. Idk, I guess when I was seeing girls or even finally dating a girl (Kristy), they were never around the time of Valentine’s Day. So somehow, every year, I was alone :( I mean Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday. But in the past, it kinda was like, damn Theo another year where you’re alone on x day. I mean, I definitely could deal with loneliness. But sometimes, it does get a bit too lonely and Valentine’s Day kinda just exemplified those feelings around that day.

I guess luckily I didn’t delete my blogs after breakups/etc this time around (learned from the past lol), so I have posts in the past 2 years around Valentine’s Day.

In 2015, this was written in January but, “This is a pretty random blog post, but it really cannot be helped… I’m just lonely :( really lonely… I guess humans really are social creatures and need companionship. But, idk…I guess I always want what I can’t have. But it’s true… I never got what I really want. More than anything for years now all I really want is a caring girlfriend.I’ve spent time with some girls, made some good girl friends, and etc. I’ve gotten my first girlfriend in my life two years back. But.. I can’t help but be lonely .I really miss having someone to send good morning texts to. I miss having someone to send genuine good night messages to. Someone to send voice recordings to, someone that is happy to talk to me… Someone that thinks about me like I would think about them. Someone I could dream about, someone who I could talk to, someone to make memories with, and everything else..Besides the stuff I really miss doing, what I really want is to do the things on my list… I never had a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day to celebrate with. I just want someone to spoil on that day, and be happy with… I want someone to go to the tet festival with one day and go on rides together. Or I’d be fine with a cute Disneyland date one day. I want someone I can go on a real movie date with and cuddle throughout the movie a bit hehe. I want someone to nap next to. I want someone to cuddle with genuinely again. I want someone that I can go on a Ferris wheel with. I want someone that can be my wcw and my wce… I want someone to take cute pictures with. I want someone to set as my wallpaper on my phone. I want someone with a heart eye emoji next to my name and vise versa. I want someone to go on a bunch of dates with… I want someone to celebrate real monthaversaries together… I have kind of celebrated them before, but never together. I want someone to finally celebrate an anniversary with. I want someone to spend Christmas with, and so much more.I guess this seems kind of pathetic to write and want all of this. It makes me feel like I never really improved as the person from last year. But at the end of the day, last year theo is not too different from me now. We’re both still very lonely and wishes we had someone special to share our happiness with. Someone to spend time with, and someone to love…I am a stupid lonely pathetic hopeless romantic. But even so, I guess I just wish that one day, I’ll really meet the right one. Someone who’ll really understand me and love me. I swear I’ll try to be the perfect guy for her when she comes along… I will treat her right, make her feel special, and I will try to improve myself as well… I’m a stupid and clueless guy most of the time. I know I’m probably not good enough to be someone’s boyfriend yet, but I’ll continue improving myself to be capable of becoming someone’s bf.Man, I am so pathetic sometimes. My loneliness and emotions does get the better of me, and I’ll try to be stronger. Besides that, I hope that I meet that special girl one day. I’ll continue bettering myself and wait to meet you. Hopefully I’ll be an amazing guy and capable of being a great boyfriend. Since I know that you must be incredibly amazing and deserve the best boyfriend in the world. Anyways, I shift tone a lot, since in a way I’m writing to both myself and hopefully to my future significant other. I am done writing for now, and hopefully my next blog post isn’t too pathetic. I will push on and hopefully next year’s Valentine’s Day… My dream will come true haha 😁❤️”.

Oh boy 2015 year old me, where I was a bit more self deprecating haha and uhm maybe more lonely, less mature, and idk. This post is a bit sad in a way, besides the fact that I’m a bit idk desperate, since some of my wishes came true and some didn’t. It’s a bit sad that some of these wishes still haven’t came true years later, and still continue... It’s also a bit sad that when some of these wishes did come true, it was kinda ruined or the memories were kinda stained :/

Another sad post by Theo exactly a week before Valentine’s Day in 2015: “Can I meet some asian girl with side swept bangs, light skin, fairly skinny, and around my age… If she could be into the same things I like, then that would be great. Anyways, I hope to meet a girl that would really love me like I’d love her. I’d love to meet a girl who really cherishes me, someone who thinks I’m amazing, someone who enjoys talking to me and wants to, someone who would go out of their way for me, someone who would be jealous over me, someone who would be clingy over me, and someone who thinks about me often…I really wonder if I’ll ever meet someone like that, but I really hope I do…” Oh man, sad boy post. Some things never change haha... Oh boy though, honestly what 2015 Theo wanted, 2017 Theo still kinda wants lol... I still have a side swept bangs fetish, light skin, skinny. I still would like someone who cherishes me, thinks I’m amazing, enjoys talking to me and goes out of her way to, someone who does get jelly and clingy over me, and think about me often... :( Uhm... Sorry, 2015 Theo... I have uh failed you or well you failed yourself. I mean, I’ve definitely improved a lot and matured a lot as a person. Butttt, idk maybe future Theo will succeed with this old wish lol. Hopefully it’s later 2017 Theo rather than 2018+ Theo haha. :3

Final post quoting from 2015 is, “It’s Lunar New Years! Currently typing on my phone so forgive my grammar and punctuation. Basically life is going okay. I’m on that never ending fashion grind to look stylish. My outfits have improved a bit, but still have a ways to go! Hopefully one day, I’ll be able to get my Grailed items. Anyways, school is going okay. I have a serious procrastination and motivation problem that I need to fix. I will definitely step up soon hopefully…I am looking forward to my trip home, since idk. I sleep a bit better at home, I get to get some money from red envelopes, and potentially meet my friends. Overall, life is okay and I’m content with things.Am I happy? Not really… I’m not necessarily sad, but I am a bit lonely. I don’t really have anyone special to look forward to talking to. :( I just spend my time lying around throughout the day. Nobody to really connect with, nobody to share more about my day with, share my thoughts with, someone to laugh with, someone to be happy with, someone to look forward to seeing, someone to say good night and sweet dreams and hear it back from, and etc. I guess I still just want what I’ve been wanting for years now lol. I guess I always want what I can’t have, but it’s true though. The fact that I never had a cute beautiful girl to spend my day with. I never done so much and I’m hoping that I can one day. Like holy, can I please take some girl out and treat her right!? Can I please spoil some girl on Valentine’s Day or her birthday or our monthaversaries.. Can I please have someone to talk to before sleeping and think about them when I wake up first thing. Can I please hold some girl’s hand while walking, someone to make out with, someone to cuddle with, and etc. Like honestly I don’t think I’m that bad of a guy right now. I’m not bad looking, and I know not amazing looking either. But not bad. I dress better than most guys, work out a bit, have a bunch of hobbies and try to continue conversations, I am tolerant and kind, I treat girls well, and etc… Like honestly I feel like I can be a pretty good boyfriend. Sure, I can still improve as a person and learn a lot more. But I just feel so envious of the happy couples. More than anything, I just want that.. I would easily give up all my nice clothes and everything just to have someone special in my life… fk this is sounding like my old thirsty desperate post, but to be fair it’s my late at night thoughts… Anyways, I really hope somehow someway I meet that cute special girl… :(( sigh.” Oh boy, it’s interesting to see where i was 1st year of college LOL. Uhm, kinda nostalgic remembering my early fashion grind and getting tons of packages that year. I think I slept better at home, since it was always cold in my room at SB since dumb Weslie always had window open and my pillow wasn’t the same thickness as pillow back home that I was used to. I still have procrastination problems to this day, and man is it hard to fix. I think I gained slightly more confidence around this time haha... Oh boy.. Honestly I don’t re-read my posts too often, since idk. So it’s a weird feeling seeing my old thoughts even if they potentially are similar to how I think now? Maybe I just don’t like thinking about how I think haha, I know kinda weird...

In 2016, was some more sad posts... Man is it always sad posts around this time of year? It was when it was some dark times with Stefanie... I posted, “ Time to sleep sad and wake up sad again… :( I’ll always wonder what would things be like if she genuinely tried… If she genuinely cared and wanted me…” This made a lot of sense, since I recall staying up late at night waiting for hours for her to finally finish her school work to make time to talk to me. Only to maybe pass out, or cry with me and agree to put in effort (which I still think was right solution to this day and hopefully it proved that in a way, since things did get better) only to change her mind or not follow through, and then it was a repeated cycle that she didn’t break... So it was just me being sad, every single night, maybe like her, and waking up wondering if this girl that I’m pouring my heart for even cares about me.

I later wrote, “I guess I’m just sad and feel awful. There’s a heavy feeling in my heart and sometimes I just miss her or what she used to be. I guess in the process of going through the relationship, I guess she’s changed, but for the worst… Obviously change is can be good, but I really felt like I lost the Stefanie that I fell in love with…I remember when I first started to get to know her, I thought she was one of the sweetest selfless person in the world. I couldn’t even understand how someone could possibly hate her, since she’s so kind. She would do kind gestures, she would write really long cutesy messages with stickers, go out of her way for me in both small/sometimes big things, it seemed like she really wanted the same things as me (someone to try for her as much as she would try for them), she seemed like she really did love me more even at one point, she seemed to really appreciate the things I did, and so much more.But somewhere along the lines, she’s just changed… She stopped really caring about doing kind gestures, she doesn’t do the small things like she did before, she seemed a lot lot more selfish, she really started to just take me for granted and it always became about how she felt, I found out that she lies to me or her friends, she never kept promises (any whatsoever), she starts to enjoy going out and drinking nearly every other week, she emotionally cheats and starts to like other guys/even tells about this to her friend (who never goes, you’re in a relationship, and even kinda ships it), she stopped really trying to even visit me/do things for me (even small things), and so many more things… I guess I’ll always miss my Stefanie and wonder what happened to her? Where is the girl that I fell in love with? I guess I just feel so wronged… I’ve tried far too hard for someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. I got told by my friend Tina, that it’s okay and that I’m really unique and probably the best she’s going to get (in terms of treatment/never giving up when times are hard/etc), and I could only do better… But it doesn’t make me feel any better though… Since this is the girl that I’ve known for two years, I’ve dated her for nearly 6 months, and loved her for so long. Yet… I found out how much she really doesn’t care about me. How much she doesn’t love me. How she wouldn’t chase after me, ever reassure me, do small things for me (let along big things), won’t make any sacrifices for me, how much she really thinks about me, and so much more… It just hurts finding out these things. It hurts to know that it might really be over and that she never really cared or loved me…I just want to feel better. I don’t want to feel sad or hurt anymore. Can I just stop loving her already? Why do I care about her still so much…” I recall she made a reply post to this in a way. Idk, what to comment on this tbh. But I think for the last couple sentences, it was kinda true. Those things continued to kinda happen, she never really did do the small things or big things promised or make sacrifices for me, and it was all kinda just nice words/big talk in the end. But idk, not much to comment since I’m more focusing on myself for this post, but yeah this occurred.

Then Valentine’s Day happened that year or well Valentine’s Day weekend. Honestly I thought the weekend was a good weekend, or well honestly could have been a great weekend. The memories made were kinda good, besides the bad times leading up to that Friday. Damn, I remember that Friday kinda clearly too... Arrived an hour early, she was showering since went camping, and kinda just forgot I was outside waiting for an hour lol. Maybe she didn’t actually forget if I think about it. I remember going to her room and lying on her bed with her, dealing with my own girlfriend telling me that she think she doesn’t love me (kinda hurts to this day and makes me tear up a bit thinking about it), and then kinda but persistent Theo like always chased after her. I really could have just given up there. I could have just said okay like I did later on in the future and give up. It wouldn’t have been too hard to give her a hug, maybe one last kiss, and say sorry that I couldn’t make you love me, maybe hug her and thank her for the memories (I honestly would have, since I didn’t find out until after Valentine’s Day uhm really bad things), and everything would have ended there. But I promised myself, promised her, and truly wanted to share a life milestone (her first + my first + our first Valentine’s Day ever) and really wanted to make her happy. Legit Valentine’s Day revolved around trying to make her happy... Everything from a fancy restaurant since I recalled she said she liked dressing up and going to nice restaurants (she corrects me a bit on this later on, but this was the assumption at the time), puppy flowers to be creative, festival together, trying new food that day steak (which I grow to like today still haha), and just be able to have a nice weekend again with her after not having one for a while due to dark dark times. But yeah, Valentine’s weekend occurred and it was great in a way, until the random snapchat I saw from her friend Stephanie about Brandon. Anyways, I checked my old blog posts and saw this blog post that I wrote around the 20th after Valentine’s Day, “I learned a lot about myself over the past year and the start of this year. I guess from relationships you learn a lot about yourself. Whether it’s how you are in a relationship, what you like or dislike, how to be a better person (hopefully), learn more about things you didn’t know about before, learn more about a person, and so much more.I guess, I’m finally done now. I know I’ve felt like giving up before, but there was always small part of me that really believed… I guess after really thinking about things, I kinda figured that it’s better off this way for myself.I guess I’ve just been hurt too much by the girl that I love, that I just can’t find the strength to keep on going… I always try to keep my promises, whether it’s to her or myself. I try to be a good boyfriend that never gives up, would always chase after them, reassure them, try to fix problems and communicate through them, and etc. But I guess I really can’t after being hurt this much anymore… For Valentine’s Day… Damn, did I really try again… Like I really poured my heart out again and I’m tired of getting nothing in return. Prior to Valentine’s Day, I really wanted to make it an amazing day/weekend. I’ve previously planned a fun day Saturday with The Broad, maybe the Last Bookstore, other food places, and etc for Saturday. Then on Sunday, it would be a great day together where I give her flowers, a handwritten card, maybe another gift (would have gotten it, if I knew for sure things were gonna be okay), and a nice fancy dinner together… I looked for restaurants for quite some time, I asked a lot of different people for suggestions, I did my own research, and tried to pick a nice place for dinner. I even planned her gift in advance, I was maybe gonna get us matching baymax hats or something, and flowers ofc + handmade card. We had a bit of a rough week, but I still risked over $100 for the reservation (that might get cancelled) since I believe in her. I worked for several hours on her handmade card, and it was fairly creative too! It’s an animated card :D and I didn’t get her the stereotypical roses. She did get a rose, but the flowers were artsy and made a dog, which she apparently likes. I could go in more detail to the lengths and efforts that I went through. But it’s okay… On Saturday, plans kinda got changed since she wanted to go camping, which is fine. I patiently waited outside for her to come back, and I ended up having to spend an hour or so to reassure her that we’ll have a great weekend. She gave me my Christmas gift finally haha, it kinda sucks that it’s two months late, but I appreciate the gift. She unfortunately forgot to give me the card though :( But it’s okay! I drove an hour with her and had a wonderful conversation with her in the car, and it’s nice casually talking again. I took her to a ramen place that she didn’t try before, and we walked across to get ice cream. Then we just cuddled for a long time and watched some stuff from Totally Spies, Erase, and etc. But it was nice just cuddling and spending time with her. The next day was the legendary Valentine’s Day that I’ve been preparing for. The flowers arrived in the morning and I waked her up with morning sex, and then gave her the flowers + hand made card. Then, we went to the beach, which was unfortunately foggy. The beach is honestly generally really pretty :( but it’s okay, maybe a different beach next time. I got her to try Bruxie for the first time, and then we headed to the tet festival! It’s kinda interesting going to the tet festival with her. It’s fairly different this year, and a lot smaller actually. Maybe since it was during the day time, but it honestly is a bit smaller o.o Idk if it’s because there are rival tet festival now like the one on mile square park (literally next to my house) or not. But yeah, it was a bit smaller. But it was still nice showing her around a new place, and shared funnel cake together. We went home and cuddled and rested. She did a bit of studying while I showered, and then we went to get a small ice cream + boba snack from Snow Monster. I wanted to show her Snow Monster, since idk ppl like it haha. I think it’s just whatever? :P But it doesn’t hurt to show her new places nearby and get her opinion. She got the shaved ice and I got a thai tea boba in a cute jar. I was a bit bothered since I saw a snapchat her friend Stephanie sent her about Brandon. Honestly, is it wrong to not be bothered? Like seriously… My own gf did some pretty emotionally cheating stuff with him drunk, she freaking fangirls about her interactions with him to her friend, and her friend ships her and Brandon. Like wtf, how would I not be upset or hurt? Like jesus, I’m pretty sure most gfs would force me to cut off contact nearly or stay as professional if I nearly fk up and make a mistake with said girl. It’s like, how can I not care when my own gf is emotionally cheating on me, her friend doesn’t even support her + me (biased a bit), and she still keeps in close contact with him… Like, I even specifically asked her to stay professional in a way, since common… Like who would be cool with it honestly, and I really didn’t even have a problem. She literally makes it a problem by fangirling about him to her friend constantly and it hurts… Like this is the girl that’s supposed to love me.. This is the girl that I try so hard for, and she just looks at other guys and emotionally cheats on me… She tried to reassure me a bit, and I guess I just shoved my feelings down like I always do for her. I just want to make her happy… So we continued on and had a wonderful dinner together and took some photos together. It kinda sucked that I had to nag her to take pictures of the gift I tried really hard for… Like really… I tried really really hard for all of this weekend… And I really had to nag her to want to show off my gift? Which she instantly deleted the story of the next day and all history of it, then easily take a pic snapchat story of her friend’s Derek card… Like common, I worked SEVERAL hours, made plans, got the materials, and really went out of my way to work on my card… I had to plan the flower delivery and really think about it… I really really tried, and it kinda hurts that she easily deleted that day off her story for whatever reason, and it hurts that I had to kinda make her want to post about it… Idk… I guess I just worked hard and felt really proud, and just wanted to make her happy. But it just seemed like it was whatever… :( Like no, omg this is so cute and instantly take a photo or even forget about it the whole day until I made her take it… Idk… It just sucks feeling your hard work to make someone happy go to waste… I woke up in the morning and had lovey dovey morning sex with her. I showered, and then we slowly drove back, and things just went bad again out of nowhere… I guess she said school and blah blah her reasons. When I got her card, I was honestly a bit disappointed… I guess it’s the thought that counts, but the amount of effort was obviously not there lol… I guess she can blame time, but common… I told her she could write a note, and the note wasn’t even thoughtful or sweet in any way… No I love you or anything, no I care about you, like did she even read my handwritten letter on Christmas? Her card just said Happy Valentine’s day and that’s pretty much it lol, no I love you, or any sweet messages… She was even in a rush to write a half-assed message when we have nearly half an hour left together. Like common… This is a late gift and it’s my first and our first Valentine’s Day together, and it would be my first gift and her first gift for Valentine’s Day in terms of receiving/giving… ._. Feels bad… What makes it worst is it feels bad that she still doubts our relationship constantly and questioning how she feels about me… Like, how could it not hurt having the love of your life wonder if she loves you like you love her? I’ve tried so hard and so long all just for her, and it’s just not enough… I’m still not enough to make her happy… I can’t help but wonder, why am I not enough?I guess besides being hurt for those reasons. I think I’ll be okay… I learned a lot of things about myself and what I want, and I talked to my friend Cy and Tina for a while today. I guess Tina told me that I was in an abusive relationship, and I guess it really is true. I never thought that I would be in one, but it really is…. Like when she heard these things that I’ve done and Stefanie’s done, she tells me it’s so sad hearing about it. I don’t even know how a gf could do that to her bf, especially when he tries and is sweet unlike other guys. And that I deserve better and just deserve someone who appreciates and wants me to be happy, and that my gf hasn’t been a gf for a very long time… I always wanted for her just to once call me, tell me everything will be okay, she really really cares, and just chase after me. It’s always me just calling her and doing that…I guess I legit try super hard all the time to make her happy, and she just occasionally leads me on and makes hardly any attempt to make me happy. She emotionally cheated on me with other guys, and I still for some reason chasing after her. She doesn’t make any sacrifices for me, she kinda just uses me, doesn’t show that much affection, never chases after me, treats me coldly and poorly, and I’m just constantly for some reason chasing after her and reassuring her (when it should be me wtf) and thinking on how to make her happy… I never really thought that my relationship was abusive or that I was being abused until someone really told me… Like when I look at the things that I do for her and things she does for me. It makes me feel honestly awful… Like I asked my friend Tina and Cy this. Is it bad if I could make a huge list of things that I do for her that other people wouldn’t. But I can barely even count on a one hand things she would do for me that other girlfriends wouldn’t, if there’s even any..? I guess I don’t want to seem unappreciative but it honestly hurts and sucks, thinking about how little she cares or tries. For Christmas, she bought the gift super late for whatever reason (dumb credit card reasons, should have bought it far in advance lol like I did), and I legit didn’t even get it until February wtf… She could have even added to the gift, since it was so freaking late. Like common, no card, no packaging, no anything? The gift she got me was a bit thoughtful, since I did like it. But common, I got her pretty much the same gift (just slightly less customized) when we were just FRIENDS and not even really for a special event. It’s legit a panda plushie, that pretty much anyone could get me, in fact as a FRIEND (not a SO) I got her it, and the gift was two months late… I mean it’s the thought that counts that I like it and the customization is a bit nice. But really… For her Christmas gift, I got a decorative cute sparkly box that’s pricey for some reason.. I got wrote a handwritten message inside a cute card that says, ‘You make me really happy’. To add onto that, she got a 3D christmas card as well that plays christmas music and pops out trees and stuff… So two cards + handwritten and 3d/music + cool box. I then got her the new nintendo 3ds xl, since she only barely mentioned that she liked pokemon and wanted to play pokemon games. If that isn’t enough, I got her a pokemon game as well for the 3DS, since I wanted her to be able to play it right away. If it doesn’t make matters even worst, I got her this hello kitty plushie that she really wanted, since I wanted to add to her collection and be apart of it… My friend Tina was like WTF at this point saying, ‘omg, since it was like wtf all she got you was a panda plushie that a friend could get/give and over two months late? Like no letter or cute note or cute packaging or anything else?’ And I was like, yeah I didn’t get anything on Christmas lol, and I was told my gift was ridiculously thoughtful by Tina/Brent/etc… Then for Valentine’s Day, I did pretty much all the planning, treated her out to a fancy restaurant since she said she liked them briefly, took her on many different adventures in different places, gave her beautiful artsy dog flowers, spent hours on a handwritten card, and drove her around + etc. For me on Valentine’s Day, I got an unfinished half assed card with pretty much no message inside… Literally that’s it. 0 planning or anything. And this is the girl that loves me lol.. Idk I guess this will set a low bar/low expectations for future Valentine’s Day gifts to me right? Pretty sure a store bought card would already beat it… Since this card was given late too lol… I guess things aren’t a competition, but common there is legit 0 effort anywhere, besides the panda gift a bit… Like how does she even feel…? Her first Valentine’s Day EVER with a bf, she gives her bf a half-assed unfinished card with not even a cute message, and late while she’s at it… Does it feel good knowing she did that for her first Valentines and for mine? Like idk I would feel awful if I did that to her if it was her first Valentine’s Day and our first Valentine’s Day together. Does she even want to make up for it in anyway? If she can’t even do the small things, how can she do the big things?The thing is, these are just small comparisons on the grand scale of things… I don’t need someone to go out of my way for me, like I would for them. But can you really say any of these things that she did, a normal gf wouldn’t do better? Like is it that hard to beat a late unfinished Valentine’s Day card with pretty much no message inside at all, and does 0 planning for Valentine’s Day? Or a 2 month late Christmas gift with 0 packaging, 0 cards, and purchased super late too lol instead of early… Probably not too hard to beat honestly, even friends could probably beat it… It just hurts a lot, since it just shows through actions that she really doesn’t care about me or even thinking about me. I realized that she really is a bad girlfriend and I’ve been stupid and chasing after someone who doesn’t even care about me or us at all… Like I’m so hurt honestly and sad thinking about things I’ve done and her response to them… She can’t even make a stupid Valentine’s Day post on ig or post my hard work on snapchat, like she can easily do it for other people lol… Like really… It’s so ridiculous, I’ve nagged for over 5 fking days nearly a week to post it, and she keeps saying soon or oh i should and etc, and never does… Wtf? Like she really can’t make that post right away, when she can make other stupid posts ASAP or other stuff ASAP to her story? Like really instead of ‘oh i need to hm’, you could legit do it right then and there on your phone… It legit takes less than 2 minutes to make a post to show some appreciation for our memories, our weekend, us, or even juts for me… Like really? How is that even possible to type that and not just do it right then and there. Idk it’s just ridiculous and hurts that she even delays that, can’t do small things for me, and doesn’t feel like sharing or appreciating things I’ve did, since like damn did I really try and it feels like she doesn’t care or respect my hard work from her actions… Like for the past two months nearly, even when I’m hurt, heart-broken, sad, angry, depressed, and etc. I still fking try my heart out for her. She legit couldn’t even do it for HALF A DAY without complaining how much it sucks doing it. Like holy fk, I can’t even believe it. I legit was trying and chasing after a person who’s emotionally cheating, who’s neglecting me, barely gives me attention, ditches/abandons me (ironically her biggest fear is being abandoned/forgotten), doesn’t do anything to make me happy, lied to me numerous times, get’s angry at me when I have all the right to be angry, doesn’t reassure me when I’m hurt and even threatened to go to sleep on me when I’m the one who’s hurt + sad, and etc… Like WTF, if I can try for a MONTH for this, you legit can’t even try ONE single day? Like HOLY SHIT, it legit was fking KILLING her to leave a simple good morning message. It legit was destroying her inside for fking leaving a simple I miss you, or to talk to me lol… Like I’m not asking her to like drive 2 hours to see me, like I did for her… I’m not asking her for the world or anything. Like it’s so crazy for me to think about that she REALLY can’t do a simple good morning message, a random i miss you/compliment, or a simple hey do you wanna call, since it didn’t ‘feel that right/a chore’. WTF I’ve been trying in pretty much hell mode for over a month, I gave her a stupid break that I hated, I’ve been lied to/hurt/given up on, and I still didn’t give up… I still tried and really really tried with all my heart, since I really cared… I still left voice recordings, I still complimented her, I still messaged her first, I still WAITED HOURS for her every single day, I cried so many tears to convince her every night, I’ve talked for hours and hours every single night to convince her (only to go to waste the next day), and tried so much again and again without ever giving up. She legit couldn’t even do a single day of effort for someone who really cared and was really trying for her… Like she really couldn’t just leave a stupid hi in the morning and a ‘i miss you’ randomly. But I’m sure that’s super hard compared to what I’ve been doing in my situation… I’m obviously asking for so much amirite? It’s literally yeah, I’m fking her over for asking her to do this small thing for me, it’s the BIGGEST sacrifice ever am I right? Yeah, fk me for even asking for those things, it’s totally asking for the world… How dare I even ask her that, I obviously don’t give a shit about her at all, and not other way around… But really when was the last time she made a sacrifice or visited me at SB or legitimately went out of her way to try to make me happy? When was the last time I’ve done any of those things for her? Probably a lot more recent (every day, I go out of my way) than her last time…I guess when I think of the memories made. I feel like regret… It feels like all the memories made, were honestly all because of me. I know memories made together are unique and made from two people. But honestly, it’s stupid to say, but I legit made so many of the memories myself. I planned all the trips, I try to take her out to everywhere on an adventure, I planned pretty much the entire Valentine’s Day weekend, and she honestly was just there just to participate. Can she really say omg she made the Valentine’s Day weekend with me and we made such happy memories together. Like I tried super hard to make the weekend special and planned everything, gave her flowers, worked hard on a card, planned a special dinner, and so much more… All I got was an unfinished card with a half-assed message for my first and our first Valentine’s Day? It’s like, it genuinely feel like it’s just me that are creating these memories for her or mainly to create memories for myself rather than making memories together… Like I’m going out of my way to see her on her first day of school, for Halloween, my Christmas gift, planning these weekends, planning Valentine’s day, all the gifts, and etc. It feels like she was just there to receive it or just to simply participate… Like I pretty much made the Valentine’s Day memories, and she was just there to appreciate it and maybe be involved a bit… Like when I think about, what if I did things like her, half of these memories or more wouldn’t exist. What would Valentine’s day be like, if I just gave her some unfinished card late on Monday, and don’t give her anything or make any plans or whatever? Like what would our weekend or all these memories be like if I visited her the same amount of times she’s visited me? Would we ever made those ice skating memories, Valentine’s Day memories, and a lot more if I waited for her to simply make them? What would that wonderful day with her (on her brother’s bday) be like, if I didn’t make sacrifices and just go to my cousin’s bday party (who I really care about). Like what would our relationship be like, if I just treated her like she treats me, never made any plans, never make any sacrifices, never go out of my way to make her happy, never compliment her throughout the day, ignore her during facetime calls and not give my undivided attention, not try to create conversation, never visit her, and etc… Like it genuinely feels like the relationship is mostly my effort and only a bit of hers… I guess my regrets would be are not the memories, but for possibly wasting my efforts for her… Like I gave the right parts of me to the wrong person. I gave it to someone who doesn’t appreciate the things I do, who hides me from her story/friends, who gives up on me, who never chases after me, who doesn’t plan anything for me, who doesn’t create conversation with me, who doesn’t prioritize me, someone who obviously doesn’t respect me, someone who can’t even try a single day for me, who never thinks about making me happy, who never goes out of her way for me, who lies and never kept a single promise with me, who emotionally cheated on me, who can’t apologize first really, who done so many fking horrible things from ditching me in the past (numerous times, one time really really bad)/ignoring me, who doesn’t respect me, someone who loses their feelings for me, and etc. I guess the biggest lie ever told is, that she really cares about me. Since if you really love someone, how can you ever do any of these things to them? I can barely break a promise with her. I can’t even stay mad at her, when I’m mad, since I care about how she feels… I apologize as soon as possible, since I don’t like conflict with the love of my life. Like I just can’t believe that I just trusted her all this time… Like the last time she freaking visited me was OCTOBER. When was the last time I visited her? Maybe you can blame busy and time.. But it’s really effort and sacrifices… Like really.. The relationship just exists to make her happy… Everything is all about how happy she is, if she’s not happy or stressed or etc then things are bad… It’s never about me not even once… But I was still fine with that, since I was selfless with her… I really chased after someone who just wanted to give up on me… I really chased after someone who does so many awful things to me… I really chased after someone who doesn’t respect me, someone who wouldn’t do the same back, and etc. Like I really allowed the relationship to get progressively worst too and accepted it. Like I used to be able to look through her phone freely without having to hide anything, and lost that. We used to be able to trust each other with our pws for everything (sure, she has a small point about privacy, but common we did it since we trusted each other/open book with each other/it required more trust to give it), but I guess I’m indifferent with this one. I guess it slowly just went from a good peak of watching stuff together, being lovey dovey, being open books, to her slowly taking stuff away in an abusive relationship. Slowly got less attention, no compliments, hardly any reciprocated feelings, lies/emotional cheating, 0 planning done on her part, and just became an endless circle of me constantly trying to reassure her and make her happy. It literally was just me chasing after someone who was being awful to me… And I just feel stupid for doing what I did… Like we’ve known each other for 2 years, loved each other for so long, dated and was serious in a committed relationship for half a year, and liked/cared about each other for even longer. Like how could she just let the relationship get worst and not care about making it better. Like really… Does not trying make anything better? I’ve done the break, I’ve tried to a better person, and I’ve been trying not trying now. But I just find it a bit dumb at times, since how the fk does not doing anything changes anything? Like do we just sit here and somehow hope things magically change for the better? Is this how problems are actually solved? When studying for an exam, do we just not study and hope for the best? For trying to fix problems in a relationship, do we not put in effort and try to fix things together and communicate? It’s like she doesn’t even want things fixed. Since she doesn’t think about me at all, doesn’t think positively, can’t even do a fking 10 second written good morning message to make me slightly happy, stop being an open book relationship (going from an open book relationship to hiding shit), stop trying to make things interesting/flirty, stop going out of our way to make each other happy, and etc. Like I’ll never understand how those things will make a relationship better. I guess it’s better off just sitting and waiting for things to magically change, rather than going out of way to work on things together and making an effort for each other.. .-. Like I’ll never understand the concept of, ‘oh if we’re destined to be together, we’ll end up together again’. It’s like no… It really doesn’t work that way. Relationships are actual work and dedication. It’s something that can be really worth it, if you put in the effort. Like you’ll actually be rewarded from your hard work and efforts (unless you’re me apparently). The grass is greener where you water it… It won’t just get greener if you don’t, and the other side will always look greener if you always focus on the other side’s positives.I guess it’s a lesson learned.. But I should have given up earlier… I shouldn’t have tried so hard… I shouldn’t have given the right pieces of me to the wrong person… I really tried to do things right with her… I really sacrifices a lot, tried a lot, and really wanted to be an amazing boyfriend for her. Whether it’s offering to buy her food (and even going out of my way to take care of her by buying food, when I’m not even there), visiting her without visits back, giving her groceries, giving her thoughtful gifts, making conversation by myself, waiting for her for hours without her trying for me, trying and communicating to fix our problems/being optimistic, going CRAZY out of my way for her, planning stuff to make her happy, complimenting her, chasing after her when hurt and sad, and so much more… It’s like wow, I really did all these things without really anything in return… What probably hurts the most is, how she made me feel like I wasn’t enough… Like I wasn’t enough to make her happy, that our relationship isn’t worth trying for, that I’m not worth trying for, that my happiness doesn’t matter, that I’m not worth making sacrifices for, and etc… Like I really used to believed she would do almost anything for me… But what has she done? If she was asked the same question, does she think I would do almost anything for her? :( Sigh… I’m just sad. But I guess things will be better… I’m a great guy, possibly a great boyfriend, and that I will find someone who will make me feel special and cared for… How crazy would it be if a gf said good morning, occasionally treats/visits me, give thoughtful gifts, maybe plan things sometimes, wants to be a better person for me, compliments me, and doesn’t give up on me/tries for me… Are these too much to ask for? Can someone just reassure me and tell me that I’m a good boyfriend and that she’s the one that’s losing out… That I did the right things mostly…I just feel like so much time was wasted. It’s like for two years (a bit on and off), and I invested so much into her. Yet, she doesn’t treat our relationship like a normal 6 months committed relationship at all… :( I just feel like I wasted so much of 2015 and parts of 2016 already. Like why did I bother staying committed during a break, why did I try so hard, why did I never give up, why do I always go out of my way, and why do I do everything that I do for her… When she doesn’t appreciate it, doesn’t try back, treats me poorly, gives up on me, gives up on us, and etc… Like I felt like I should have listened to my exes, and be pickier… Since I’m a great guy and I deserve someone who’s great too… It just feels so bad feeling all this regret. Like I literally went overboard and tried to do special things to make her happy, make her feel important/a priority, make her feel special, make her feel loved, and do things that other ppl wouldn’t do for her. Yet, she couldn’t even take 15 seconds out of hours of her morning to send me a simple good morning message… It legit made her feel awful at the thought of doing this ‘chore’ to make me happy. Like it literally mattered so much to her how happy she needs to feel to do a small 15 seconds message to make me happy… Like she really couldn’t even do that tiny sacrifice for someone she supposedly love… It just doesn’t make sense at all. If she told me even ONCE that she enjoys something from me, like pretend she told me she enjoys listening to my voice before sleeping. Every night, I would talk by myself in needed and wait for quite some time, until she’s sleepy and content and just wants to sleep. I’d continuously do this and never stop. Yet if I ever mention that I like something, even super small scale like a simple message in the morning, she couldn’t even do that without feeling like it’s a chore or makes her feel awful? Like what… It will never make sense to me, since if she mentions that she likes anything, big or small, I’d go out of my way to do it for her continuously. Yet she can’t even do a simple small 10 seconds act to make me happy even being repeatedly told that it would be nice to get one at times… Like it’s one thing if you’re not told it, but it’s like wow you know something makes your SO happy and it takes literally 5 seconds of your time, and you can’t even do it or feel like doing it… I would do stuff like good morning messages/good night messages/voice recordings to HOPEFULLY make her happy REGARDLESS of ANY knowledge if she enjoys it or not (I legit don’t even know if she does, but I do it). Yet is it not weird to NOT be able to do something small (5 fking seconds) that you know 100% (been repeatedly told) makes your SO happy? Is that not ridiculous? It’s always me and probably will always accommodating to her schedule or making sacrifices for her, never the other way around (or even as a mutual thing like it should be). I’ve given up going to a tournament that I really wanted to go to, I’ve given up going to some club meetings just to talk to her, I’ve always waited HOURS AND HOURS to talk to her DAYS ON END only to be pushed off/forgotten about/left hanging, whether it’s a midterm or final I’ve made some time and sacrifice to try to make things right with her or even drive hours to visit her, I push down sad feelings and really try to make her happy and make sure we’re okay, I make an effort to go to her milestone life events (1st Halloween/1st day moving in/etc), and so much more… What sucks is she never even let her friends know all the good things about me (well mostly Stephanie). I’ll always be misunderstood and she’ll never know what I great guy I can be/am. She’s quick to brag about a stupid breakfast or eating with a guy. But obviously it’s not worth mentioning an amazing weekend with really thoughtful gifts, lots of adventures like new food places/ice cream/etc, a fair, sharing a funnel cake together, cuddling, hugs, ilys exchanges, willingness to take her to new places every date/make sacrifices for her, always treating her, and etc… Obviously it’s not worth mentioning those things, since they’re just pale in comparison to eating breakfast with someone right..? It’s better to send pics of other guys than cute romantic pictures with your boyfriend… I guess it’ll suck always being misunderstood. They’ll never tell her to chase after me, since they won’t know that I’m like as a person. Since I would support a friend to chase after their SO, if I knew they were amazing/wonderful/it would be a dumb decision to give up on them. But she’ll always be told to go after some other guy lol and probably to just give up on me/I’m not right for her… Since they just won’t ever know who I really am as a person, and that really sucks… I guess maybe I’m just not worth chasing after, not worth mentioning or bragging about, and our 2 years worth of memories aren’t worth mentioning after all…I guess it just sucks realizing that she never loved me at all. If you really love someone, you would do genuinely anything for them like I would for her. You’d only find them handsome/beautiful (I’ve asked friends/family and they said same thing), you’d genuinely care about their happiness and try to make them happy, you wouldn’t emotionally cheat on them, you would accommodate to their needs occasionally and make sacrifices for them, you would want to see them and be with them a decent amount of the time, and a lot more. You would hopefully forgive easily and maybe even get upset easily, since you really care about them. You also wouldn’t be able to fall out of love with them just in two weeks time. I know, since many times whether it’s my friend Matthew, Alyssa, or nearly everyone I know, after break ups you can STILL love them for quite some time after. You don’t stop loving someone just like that… Like seriously, if you ask some people after their breakups even a month or even more later, you can ask if they still love their SO. A lot of times they can still say yes, and it would be ridiculous to randomly fall out of love with their SO in just two weeks or less, especially after making so many memories/getting intimate with them. So I’ll never understand how she can ‘fall out of love’ that easily, and It hurts when it’s me too.. The guy that tries to be amazing for her, the guy that wants to be a better person for her, the guy that always tries to make her happy, the guy who always chased after her, her best friend, her favorite person, and etc.. It just sucks realizing that the love of your life, never really loved you… Do you know how many times I’ve wished and wished that she would just tell me something like, “I really love you Theo. You make me really happy and I only want you. I want to be a better person for you, and I really want you in my life”… Like I just wanted and waited to hear those words for so long, but I never got and will never get to hear them…But I guess it’s fine… I’ve learned my lessons now. I asked some rhetorical questions in a previous blog post when I was really hurt. I thought to myself, do I really want someone who can’t make ANY sacrifices whatsoever for me? Do I really want someone who wouldn’t go out of their way for me sometimes? Someone who doesn’t consider me important or special in anyway compared to other people (she even wrote in a blog post before/draft, love is not something you can just tell other people, it’s something special)? Do I really want someone who’s last time visiting me was OCTOBER of LAST year. Do I really want someone who’s gift for me on our first and MY first Valentine’s Day ever was a late unfinished card with an awful message? Do I really want someone who can’t keep a SINGLE promise, not even one? Do I really want someone who can’t even do small tiny things for me to make me happy? Someone who doesn’t care about the small things that I say? Do I really want someone who doesn’t care about me? Someone who gets mad when I’m hurt and sad? Someone who never reassures me even once or ever chase after me even once? Someone who lies and emotionally cheats on me in a fking 6 month committed relationship? Someone who is quick to send pics of other guys or mention small interactions with other guys, but not quick to do the same with me? Someone who wouldn’t defend her boyfriend and let her friends know that I really try and that I’m a good guy? Someone who never make plans with me or even make conversation sometimes? Someone who can’t look at only me? Someone who can’t even say I love you first or I miss you first… Someone who can’t even try for me, when I’m trying relentlessly for her? Someone who constantly think about giving up on us or even just me even after knowing each other for nearly 2 years? Someone who actually thinks that I don’t make her the happiest? Someone who doesn’t appreciate all the things I do for her? Someone who posts a simple index card note on her snapchat instantly, but not the 3 hour + planning handmade animated card for her instantly or until I kept asking her to? Someone who still hasn’t posted our Valentine’s Day post, but can post a simple beach or constance wu photo instantly? Someone who really thinks I’m not that chivalrous (albeit one case), but do you really think I’m not a gentlemen in anyway… Like REALLY? It’s like she doesn’t notice ANYTHING that I do. Is really driving at 1 in the morning to pick up a simple contact solution nothing? Is driving 2 hours to pick her up and her friends, drop them off, and take her to USC nothing? I’ve even offered on another occasion to pick up her friends and take them to USC, so they can visit her easier. I’ve offered to buy her and get food delivered to her NUMEROUS times while far away, she never did once for me. I’ve given her a STUPID amount of small gifts and really thoughtful ones with weeks of planning, and other stuff. I’ve driven hours just to see her for a small bit of time. I’ve won a plushie for her in person. I make sacrifices for her life milestones. I was committed for over 2 months when we were just friends. I continue to constantly compliment her, try to do romantic gestures all the time, really try for her, and so much more. I’ve given her groceries just because. I still love her when she’s at her worst. I never give up when things are rough/hard… Like really, it’s like have she even looked at the things I’ve done… Does she even appreciate them… I’ve spent over $200 in a weekend (I know money is not a factor, but it’s to show she means more to me than money) and sacrifices a lot, and she could even do a small thing for me. I guess I will never realize why do I do these things, when she hasn’t done ANY act that is even close to the things I’ve done for her in MONTHS? Like just this weekend, she was actually supposed to visit ME. But as always, it’s always me making sacrifices for her and spending my efforts + money + etc to see her and never the other way around (still 0 appreciation for this fact too)… Whether it’s words or actions, she’s never done anything close to what I try to do for her (big or small). I guess everything she’s done are something pretty much any girlfriend can do or even just a friend can, and even worst at it too (like even my friends can do better). But I’d like to think that over half or nearly all the things that I do, other people wouldn’t do at all or even come close to… Like Tina even told me, ‘wtf you got her a gift card for food to feed her, just because she’s hungry at night? Wtf nobody does that’. I guess do I really want someone like that who doesn’t appreciate things that I do (btw no mention or credit on that snapchat either, but omg ty other ppl for whatever small things they do. Do I really want someone who never thinks, “I want to be a better bf girlfriend/person for him”. Do I really want someone who falls out in love with me? Someone who can’t even apologize or admit their mistakes, only make excuses for their actions? Someone who really can’t just admit they fked up and promise not to do the same mistake? Someone who doesn’t make sacrifices or try to make me happy? Someone who takes me for granted? Someone who’s quick to give up when things are rough? Someone who can’t love me at my worst, when I can love her at her worst? Someone who won’t ever chase after me or ever reassure me? Like honestly I wonder if she had to ask herself, would she date herself, would the answer be yes? She can’t even admit what she does wrong, is inconsiderate with my feelings, and can’t ever apologize lol. Would she date someone like that?I guess I’m just done… I realized the answers to my rhetorical questions. I’ve realized I’ve wasted these nearly 2 years. I’ve tried far too hard, never given up, and really went out of my way for someone who I shouldn’t have. I really gave the right parts of me to the wrong people. I’ve opened my heart, gotten more serious and committed, opened up myself, and really gave it my all for someone who wouldn’t do the same. Someone who doesn’t respect our relationship or me. Someone who pretty much made the relationship an abusive unhealthy relationship, like is it really me that made the relationship bad? I guess I’ve tried to kept all my promises, but I guess I can’t keep them all… I really cared about her and truly loved her. But I realized that she never felt the same about me, otherwise she wouldn’t give up on me or us so easily. She wouldn’t have done all these horrible things to me from ditching me when I was trying to visit her and eat dinner with her/her friends, lying to me, never keeping promises, falling out of love with me, becoming a closed book from open book, emotionally cheating, won’t do small gestures, won’t think about me and try to do gifts to make me happy, abuse me, and just be selfish all the time… Well I’m sure she’ll be happy without me in the future. But good luck on finding someone who will care, keep nearly all their promises, stay faithful/try to keep the relationship always interesting/continue flirting, do endless romantic gestures, won’t give up when things are super rough, love her even at her worst, or someone who try for her more than me. Since damn, did I really try and care… I guess from her, I got to make more memories for myself basically and I guess I got to spend a year making someone else happy… Maybe next time, I’ll find someone who’s willing to make memories together instead, rather than just make memories for myself and have someone just participate. Someone who’ll really try for me, someone who really cares about my happiness, someone who wouldn’t take me for granted, someone who wants to be a better gf/person for me, someone who would make sacrifices for me, be there with me through hard times/good times (ride or die), someone who wouldn’t give up on us so easily (especially after 2 years), someone who tries to make me feel special/important, someone who looks only at me, someone who’ll brag about me, someone who’ll think they’re lucky having me in their life, someone who would be happy because of me, and someone who would truly love me… Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Holy jesus, was that a long blog post. Honestly it’s so long that I didn’t even re-read it. I barely glanced over it and could tell I was just venting and was super angry. I think there was a recap of Valentine’s weekend as well. But my comment on it is, yeah, it was kinda tragic Theo idk what else to say haha. Maybe I should have kinda listened to Tina and Cy that time. Funny thing is, I kinda stopped talking to both of them. Tina just became really busy and her bf didn’t like her having a guy best friend idk, so haven’t really talked in a long time. But I recall still talking to her until some date idk. I recall the breakup though with Stefanie and talking to Tina a lot about it. Tina was heavily against me getting back together with Stefanie. I think I actually never managed to tell her that I did get back with Stefanie later on, and she prob would have been disappointed... But uh I did tell everyone else at that time, since I recall not telling too many ppl that we broke up? Oh I did have to tell Kai and Kristy/Jessica/prob some other ppl that we did get back together. Anyways, idk I guess it’s kinda sad times around this time of year LOL.

I guess connection to present day Theo. I guess I’ve experienced Valentine’s Day now, so I don’t have to stress/worry about the fact that I’ve always been alone on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it does kinda make me sad that my first ever Valentine’s Day memories are kinda sad :( But I guess I can deal with that.

Am I as sad and lonely as the past 2 years? I’d like to think no. This year, my friends and I are gonna have a Valentine’s Day party, so in a way I won’t be alone on Valentine’s Day. We’ll see how that goes as the date gets even closer, but hopefully it’ll be cool. I’m glad that I matured more and got back to the stage in my life that I’m fairly comfortable being alone. It does suck that the first 2015 reference, I was alone and sad, and 2016 I was with someone, but it was still kinda lonely and sad, since maybe she only followed through with the plans since she pitied me and wanted me to have the Valentine’s Day memories after working so hard on the plans. Idk, who knows, idk half her thoughts/intentions about a lot of things to this day haha... But I guess after being sad and alone for so long around this time of the year, I kinda got sick of being sad, and no longer trying to be sad and matured enough to be okay.

Would I have liked someone special for Valentine’s Day? Of course.. Like I wrote before, some of my wishes are pretty similar to 2015 Theo. I just want someone special that I can spoil and make a bunch of happy memories with... I guess the only difference is, I kinda learned that this time, I want the effort reciprocated. I just don’t ever want to feel like my efforts are being wasted. I just want to feel respected and cherished, rather than kinda pitied or taking for granted. Idk, so I guess I’ve cared less about having a Valentine. I care more about who’s the Valentine. Maybe a bit sad deep down that I won’t have a Valentine this year. But I’m more sad that I actually don’t have someone that does cherish the effort I would put in and reciprocate. Like damn man, a common theme of all the old Theo posts is that, I just wanna be loved. But yeah... I guess hopefully next year future Theo will make a great post about his Valentine’s Day. There’s definitely less sad boy posts this time of the year, a lot more okay and good days, maybe slightly less memorable memories, but I guess it’s better than feeling unloved by the person who meant the world to me. But yeah, hopeful for the future, but okay for now. Looking forward to my busy Monday, busy Tuesday but possibly fun Tuesday night, and busy Wednesday again this week. A 3 day weekend coming up too that’ll hopefully be great as well~

Valentine’s Day sucks. But I’ll make sure that I have a great one next year (?)!!!

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