#maybe i just prioritize friendship over that; especially because i feel like i don't have close close friends in the way many people seem to

[spock-adoodledoo]

feeling officially aro for now

[gayofthefae]

I'd just like to say that my interpretation of season 1 from the very first watch was friends assign crush to Mike/assume inaccurately and after that he actually gets close with the girl.

Lucas accuses him in anger of prioritizing El over Will completely, which we know to be untrue, so I just took his reasoning to be equally false and in anger. Mike continues to focus on Will while working together with El, Dustin, and Lucas as he becomes closer with El than the others do via living with her. Then we see, especially in the "I understand" scene, that he may be considering the idea Lucas' words put into his head of viewing her romantically. That's always how I took it.*

*Actually, I didn't. I was very surprised when they kissed because I thought he was like "teaching her about friendship" and it was a defy the stereotypes and assumptions of your friends moment but in retrospect and second watch between seasons 1 and 2 or 2 and 3 this was my timeline.

Point being, whether you want it to support the ship or not, Mike's attraction to El was suggestible by Lucas. By the time Nancy comments, I don't think it was as much so anymore, I think he started considering it more around that "I understand" scene, but that is what I have always interpreted, not that Lucas caught onto something but that regardless of his sexuality, the assumption was based in heteronormativity. Mike liked El because Lucas suggested it to him. I think they might have otherwise just been friends with it not as a consideration and even expected as much on my first watch, as I said.

Maybe that means he adopted the heteronormativity and misinterpreted his own feelings. Maybe it means thank goodness for Lucas making him consider her that way. Whatever it is, that was always my order.

[away-ward]

I’m your last ask and I think Will would 100% be petty. I kinda wish there was like a freshman who had a little crush on her and he would get jealous of him bc Emmy might have been nice to him or something. Maybe she didn’t even realize it like you said. I know where you stand about the jealousy trope. And I know that Adían was like there but he was never even a choice.

I don't mean to say that Will can't be jealous - he obviously is. He's jealous for her attention, her affection, her touch. We see that in the way that he doesn't want Emory to answer Martin's call. We see it in how suspicious he is of her and Damon when they were simply in the same part of town around the same time. We see that in the way he doesn't want Emory and Adyin to have any kind of friendship. It's not just because of how Will feels about Adyin. We see it in how Will has to mentally let go of even the idea that Emory's been with other men. He hasn't talked to her about this, but he's clearly agonized over it. He wants Emory to himself and she keeps giving her love and attention to other men. She prioritizes them above him, and he can't stand it.

So I struggled with the idea since to me he was jealous and we saw it. Why would we need to see it written in my style?

I think when people are asking for that specific feature, they want Will to be more showy in how he displays that jealousy. To fight for her and to be possessive - so much so that there's no way she can doubt where he stands. But for me, that falls on the grovelling side of things. Will isn't as open with his emotions as he pretends to be, and especially not "bad" emotions like jealousy, anger, sadness, and disappointment, that would make him appear weak or vulnerable.

It's never about what choices Emory had. Will's jealousy is quiet until he can't hold it back anymore. Then he tries to physically fight whatever is the cause of that jealousy. The only time he ever went after her was with Damon and he was drunk. If that's the case, then anytime Will got into a fight with anyone, you could assume it's because they made eyes at Emory; smiled in her direction a little too long; tried to flirt with her in the lunch line; said something to a buddy about how hot she was. Emory would never know.

To clarify since it sounds like I contradicted my previous response: I think physically fighting someone who has a crush is petty. Unless they're making actual moves and affecting his relationship (which was non-existent), or trying to get physical with Emory when she clearly doesn't want it, any interference on Will's part is simply to make himself feel better which is pretty petty.

Also, I hadn't previously considered how often Will tries to fight his problems away with only his fists. Will has one solution to any major problem, and it's "punch it and see if that helps."

[gender-critical-analytical]

hi sorry if this is an odd question to ask but i'm getting dinner with a friend of mine tonight to try to persuade her not to get engaged to her older boyfriend immediately after our college graduation next year (we're both 21 and he is 27). do you have any advice on how to present "please god don't do this it will be the biggest mistake of your whole life you have so much potential" in a way that won't scare her away from listening to me?

no worries if u don't see this, i'm just trying to ask around radblr (crypto, sorry for anon) because somehow none of our mutual friends understand why i am so concerned and it's driving me a bit crazy

I'm not sure what time I sent this, so hopefully I'm not late to reply, but I suppose it doesn't matter too much since I can't guarantee my advice will help much

One thing that I feel at least helps break a bit of the daze for women in age gap relationships is to ask her to picture herself as a 27 year old. Picture where she wants to be, where she'll be realistically in her career and life in general. Then ask her to picture herself in a relationship with a 21 year old guy (or woman, if she's bi, I suppose it doesn't matter too much for this example). This is almost always something that grosses women out, regardless of if they're dating an older man. Try to gently prod her to get her to think about why it should be so different for her boyfriend. If it would bother her to date someone so much younger, is it not weird that it doesn't bother him?

And, for getting her to listen in regards to the fact that she's putting herself at huge risk with her career, wasting her time on this man (look, I don't know this guy personally, or you or your friend, but a 27 year old man with a 21 year old woman... I just don't think this is a matter of love, for him) and just in general making a bad decision, I gotta ask you to think about something first: how much does she value your friendship?

This isn't about how much you care about her, obviously you do, the question is a matter of, does she value your opinion, and does she hold what you think in a good light? There are a lot of women who will quickly prioritize a man over a lifelong female friend the second they get a one, so do you think that there's any chance that this is the type of woman she is? If not, I really suggest gently telling her that you're her friend, you love her, and that you have a really bad feeling about this. That there's no benefit to seeing her give up something good, but that you don't think this is something good, and if he's the man she thinks he is, he won't be bothered to wait a while longer for her to get established in her job and figure what she wants for herself, and when and how she wants it. You can always get engaged later, but calling off a marriage is much harder and more stressful (especially for a woman to do, considering how the man's side of the family tends to defend them and take offence) than just waiting and seeing.

And, this is advice I recommend you use sparingly, maybe not over dinner, but something that works for me (I really wouldn't recommend this in a matter where there's already intentions to marry an older man, but you're the judge of what you say and do, ultimately, just be verrryy careful with this one) and something that I use to make women stop and think is this: ask her what makes her think she's different than other women who have gotten trapped this way, or had their lives damaged and thrown off course by things going sour? Every woman thinks her man is different. Every woman to get married young to an older guy is certain that he truly loves her, he isn't like the others, he wouldn't use her or try to trick her. Those women weren't, and aren't stupid, they were lied to. If other women can make this mistake so often, and warn women and girls not to make the same mistake, but this just keeps happening, what sets her apart? What makes her man different?

That one always makes women stop and think, in my experience, so at the very least it can plant a seed, but again, please be careful with using that one. Some women can be very defensive of the male they choose, and I don't want a situation where suddenly all of your friends are pissed at you and she has a knee-jerk cut-all-communication reaction

[uncloseted]

I have this longtime friend and we've had issues for the past few years once she started dating this guy. Instead of my best friend she became more in and out of my life and didn't really prioritize us being friends because her boyfriend doesnt like me. She says she prioritizes her relationship over us. So basically I dropped her and stopped begging her to hang out with me, text me, etc. and she acts like I'm being unreasonable and I just left her for no reason. Am I in the wrong here?

I don't think you're in the wrong at all, although I do think this is unfortunately a pretty common experience. I think a lot of people end up losing friends when they enter into a relationship. So for better and for worse, you're not alone in this, and it's not really your fault.

Robin Dunbar, head of the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, says that, "If you go into a romantic relationship, it costs you two friends. Those who have romantic relationships, instead of having the typical five 'core set' of relationships only have four. And of those, one is the new person who's come into their life." It's kind of unclear why this is. I've read a few articles that suggest it's because a person's romantic partner simply takes up more of their time, and so they don't have as much time left over to spend with their friends. I think that's especially common when the person's partner doesn't want to spend time with their friends, as in your case.

But I think it's also that, especially for cishet women, they're are conditioned to believe that the most important person in their life should be their romantic partner, and that one big marker of success is having an ongoing romantic relationship. Friendship isn't culturally prioritized in the same way, and so it falls by the wayside when a romantic relationship is in play. That really sucks, because it's super important for mental health and well-being to have a variety of people who you spend time with and who you trust. It should be prioritized in the same way that romantic relationships are. But I think culturally, we're just not there yet.

As for your situation specifically, I think it might help to tell your friend what you told me- that you want to be friends with her, but that she told you that she prioritizes her romantic relationship over her friendship with you, and that you don't want to put in effort that she won't reciprocate because it's painful to constantly be put in a position where your attempts at maintaining the friendship are being rejected. She may not totally "get it" or respond positively, but at least that way she won't be able to say that you "left her for no reason". Plus, maybe if you have a conversation about it, you'll be able to figure out a way to maintain your friendship going forward that feels right for both of you.

[acespec-ed]

I *absolutely* read Will from Stranger Things as aroace. His Season Three arc was about feeling out of place as all of his friends paired off, and feeling isolated as they prioritized new relationships over their years-long friendship. Even his famous fight with Mike— “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” was understandably taken as evidence that he liked boys instead, and I’d even go so far as to say that Mike believes that— but to me, Will’s line “so you can swap spit with some stupid girl?” feels like he’s saying “I don’t understand why you’d be so obsessed with making out with *anyone*, it’s gross, or at least not as amazing as you act like it is.” When Will admits that he thought his friends “were never gonna get girlfriends, [and] sit in [Mike’s] basement all day and play games for the rest of [their] lives,” it felt like he was saying that yeah, maybe intellectually he understood that most people want to date as they got older, but he doesn’t, he never did, and he didn’t realize it would be so all-consuming as to damage their friendship. To me, his entire arc was screaming “I know you feel these things, and I’m trying to accept that, but what I value is our *friendship*, and I’m starting to feel like that doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me.”

I do too! I rewatched all of Stranger Things last month and season 3 Will was just, an absolute aroace icon. I related big time. And I do think if he was a gay allo, he wouldn't have said the swapping spit comment. I'm pretty sure gay allos can still understand why someone would want to "swap spit" with the gender they're attracted to. And everything just points to him being aroace and I was almost confident that he was going to end up being confirmed asexual. But this latest season it just, looks like they're going for making Will have a crush on Mike.

I so want to be wrong. I keep telling myself that, no, it's possible that he's just upset he's losing his best friend to a girl, is jealous that Mike has been paying more attention to El instead, etc. Pretty much your interpretation of his arc. But I'm getting the feeling that the show's intention is, Will is jealous that El is with Mike when Will wants to be with Mike in that way. Especially since this show likes to pair characters together left and right. Idk, maybe I'm just being pessimistic because this sort of thing happens ALL the time! I don't even want to get my hopes up anymore. But I so hope I'm wrong and he does get confirmed ace. It would be awesome to see an ace character on a show as big as Stranger Things!

(For the record, I'm still gonna HC Will as aroace even if he turns out having a crush on Mike, gdi.)

[funkymbtifiction]

How do I find true friends as an ISFP? I feel like I’m the one always reaching out to people, making plans and texting first. And I mean, I understand people can be busy, but if I don’t text people first, then they wont text me back and i don’t understand why. Like I wanna have a connection with people, but it seems like they never reciprocate. Ik I tend to like spam messages cuz I get excited sharing stuff about my day or just random stuff, but I usually get lackluster responses or get left on read. Now I haven’t really been texting people as much and I mean I did reach out to those who dont text me much, asking maybe they could start the convo for once, but it didnt really last long. So idk what to do.

I wish I knew, since I'm in the same boat (being the initiator and not having much response in person), but there are a few things to think about. It's probably not a problem with your personality, but rather that other people are busy, over-worked, less social than they used to be (due to the pandemic, which has changed us all... possibly forever), preoccupied, busy with social media, self-absorbed, and some of them aren't sure how to maintain relationships. People can get caught up in drama, be busy with their kids, trying to stay ahead of school work, etc. Life tends to be busy for most people, so they prioritize what matters the most and sometimes that doesn't include their casual relationships, especially if they are still at home dealing with family members.

A few things to look out for when meeting new people / potential new friends is...

Other people who seem to want to connect as much as you do.

Look for other people with a strong social instinct. Social is the Enneagram instinct that wants to stay connected to people, to maintain and build by sharing time, experiences, conversations, etc. A social-dom is going to be eager to connect more often.

Look for extroverts. When dealing with introverts, you are finding people with limited capacity for social engagement. At the end of a long day at school or work, they are often 'zapped' of energy and need down time. Extroverts are often energized at the end of the day and want to talk to people some more.

Consider who you are talking to, and what they might "want" from you. You might find it fun to share memes, but are they a meme person? Do they care about what you want to talk about? What do they want to talk about? Cater how you interact to the person you are talking to (this isn't just something Fe's do, you can learn it as well). And also, figure out what works for your friendship. If someone is way more enthusiastic about "in person," they may not want to text and don't get around to it -- instead of texting, set up a time and place to hang out. Or try e-mail with some people. Or a phone call.

Take an avid interest in people (you may be doing this already) -- but people LOVE to share their opinion on things usually. Ask them what they think about X (Star Wars, lasagna, the Olympics, anything), and then listen to them. People like other people who are interested in them. Also, if they don't contact you back... consider what the reason might be (finals week, company at their house, stress from a family situation, etc). It might not be personal.

This goes without saying but... a lot of people are 9s and 9s are the type most likely to pull away from people and be "withdrawn." They think about the people they like a lot, but don't necessarily reach out to connect to them -- because it doesn't occur to them that it's their job to do so. Some of the people who might not be answering you could be sp-dom 9s who care about you, but who withdraw from the world to cleanse themselves of its influences (9s can only be truly themselves when they are away from other people's influences), and don't realize that doing so is making you feel like you're carrying the weight of the relationship. 9s often don't initiate or think it's on them to maintain a relationship unless they prioritize it (or are social doms). The solution is to look for types that move toward people (the super-ego types and the assertive types) rather than pull away, AND (this is important), keep the 9s in your life, but learn to expect this behavior from them. This will help you avoid building expectations of them that they cannot fill. ("I don't expect them to stay in constant contact, and I know they're gonna disappear regularly." This also happens with 4s and 5s.)

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and, well, that was an intesting start to LS. So my quick review is I loved the 126 interactions, both during and outside of the emergency, apparently this is Tim's strong suit since it involved the actual ensemble and felt world's away from where the OG interactions are now. I absolutely hate the Owen plot, it makes no sense and is giving me flashbacks of another show's awkward attempt at a white supremacist storyline, but with thankfully less visions 🙄🙄🙄. And then

we have the Tarlos storyline. I'm not outright against it, even with how nonsensical it is. You and I are veterans of Plothole NM, we've seen worse. But that storyline has a lot of heavy lifting to do and it already started on a bad note. I know the reason Carlos hasn't brought this up in 3 years is the writers didn't know it was happening till a few months ago (planned since S1 my ass Tim) but I'm going to need an onscreen explanation, this is talk that should have happened. And I do want to see Carlos have a plotline that's his own where he gets to grow and his issues are addressed, the character deserves that. But they better be careful how they handle it cause the scene last episode and interview clips I've seen aren't encouraging. I'm not super thrilled at the "I'm a bad friend" line from Carlos, addressed to his FIANCE, who he just dropped this huge bombshell on. And since we know Iris isn't signing divorce papers next episode, that she's apparently "vetting" TK next episode (seriously girl, take a seat), and her and Carlos's friendship is going to make TK feel like an outsider, this character has got me super wary. Maybe it's an overreaction, but we just got done with a show where a straight woman got in the middle of the queer couple and was frequently prioritized, I'm don't want to see it again. If she says one mean or judgmental thing to TK I'll shove her in the plothole she crawled out of.

Hello my friend! It was so good to not only have some weewoos back, but my watching ritual is going to my grandmas to chill, watch together, and talk about the show after while we work on puzzles so I overall had a great Tuesday (aside from constantly thinking it was Monday lol). I also really enjoyed the 126 and the interpersonal scenes. Everyone bagging on Owen all episode was hilarious to me personally, the Judd/TK dynamic is as delightfully brotherly as always, Nancy and Mateo are adorable, and Nancy calling Tommy out was SO funny, and Brianna’s delivery continues to be on point. I wanted more Marjan and Paul as always but they also got their quips in and seeing the teams in action felt good! I agree that things definitely felt way less forced than OG felt this season.

NGL you said “thankfully less visions” and I was *scrambling* to remember what happened in OG 911 about visions before I realized it was about RNM s3 and I had just fully suppressed that stupid vision plot from my brain 🤣🤣🤣 I do think this show will handle things better than RNM did, but that is saying absolutely nothing because RNM did it SO badly sooo 🤷🏻‍♀️ My main gripe with this, as with most of Owen’s storylines, is that they are centralized around NO ONE ELSE in the main cast, and since he gets most of the screentime, it’s going to mean LESS time for everyone and everything else. Judd and Grace and Tommy are all involved in each other’s “personal” storylines even just as someone to talk/vent to, plus Tommy has TK and Nancy as well to talk to, TK and Carlos obviously have each other as to Mateo and Nancy, we’ve had some great Paul/Marjan stuff especially last season and when the show started, we had lots of good Owen/TK and Judd/Owen scenes, plus a few good scenes with Owen and Tommy or Michelle as captains. Even Billy had a connection to Judd and Grace, and wanted to be over the 126 so that wasn’t entirely separated either, but everything else for Owen has been focused outside of the team. Even the Owen/Marjan stuff in the opener last season was them being separated most of the time and unaware they were both in the same place. And here’s the thing, I LIKE the Owen scenes with the main characters! I like the banter, and he has some really great moments as a dad/father figure and as a captain. But every time it becomes all about a character outside of the 126 it just falls SO flat for me. So add to that mess the fact they want to address white nationalism in Texas by having him go undercover for the FBI? Hard pass. I care zero percent about what they do with this storyline. I HOPE they at least use Owen’s love for his team and the diverse minorities they represent as an anchor point for this storyline but still. Can we go back to him having cancer and trauma and dealing with it by being a good captain and making sure his team takes care of their physical and mental health please? (I’ve been re-watching s1 and like...there was some GOOD stuff there with him and the team and I miss that energy!) I will say I am SOOOOO excited to see him and Andrea Reyes being wedding-zillas about the Tarlos wedding because THAT is the kind of Owen shenanigans I can enjoy!

As for the Tarlos storyline I’m willing to see where it goes for sure because I do think Tim had the thought ages ago (without considering how the characters have changed since their first concept came to be while planning s1) and I also think it’s going to give US some good backstory and depth for Carlos, and it’s going to give RAFAEL some meaty stuff to work with and stretch his acting chops which will be fun to see. HOWEVER. My main gripe is just...the sheer number of MASSIVE plotholes/questions this storyline creates, and a lot of that has to do with them never leaving ANY clues that this could be a thing. 

Andrea (and possibly Gabriel) knows? Because a) this 100% should have come up as part of the reason for the s2 misunderstanding about why Carlos hadn’t told them about TK even if it was a vague and cut-off conversation we weren’t fully apart of. And b) HOW MUCH and WHEN did she know? Because if she’s known all along it’s WEIRD that it hasn’t come up even accidentally at all especially in s2, AND it doesn’t track with Carlos saying they did it for “normalcy” reasons if they were dating other people and no one seems to have known anything about it by the way they have all acted for 4 seasons.

As stated above, Iris was dating someone for ages before she disappeared! And no one said anything about her “stepping out” on her husband? Was everyone in the know that it was a sham? And if so, then why do it at all? 

Also, Iris wasn’t doing it to use his medical insurance since she wasn’t diagnosed until after she was found and at that point she was still refusing treatment. 

If she HAD been using his insurance recently and the “marriage” was an excuse to keep her coverage up all this time, wouldn’t Carlos have been getting her insurance statements when they paid a bill? And getting the bills for her deductibles and stuff? Surely TK would have seen the mail at this point?

Carlos was allowed to help in the investigation and was never under suspicion himself? Even when they found the truck and blood, he was allowed to take part and it never once came up that he shouldn’t be allowed because he was legally her husband? 

Wouldn’t it have come up when they were talking about wills that legally half of everything Carlos has or has bought (INCLUDING THE LOFT) legally belongs to his wife? (ONE good thing is that we didn’t get this reveal while Carlos was unconscious in the hospital, can you even imagine?!)

I KNOW there are more things I’m forgetting but that’s just questions off the top of my head and it’s already so much! Had Timmy put in like, the barest effort to include some crumbs, we all could have had an OH SHIT THIS is what *xyz* scene was about?! Which could have been fun! But by dropping it entirely only to bring it up in season 4, it’s just created a bit of a mess. Hopefully we get the answer to some of these questions in the next couple of episodes but none of that changes that the actual build up SHOULD have been there because there were ample opportunities to sneak hints and instead it still just comes out of nowhere. 

As for Iris herself, I’m already really heated about the slap because like, that was SO unnecessary. Like a hug, then playful punch to the arm, then hug again could have had the comedic effect I know they were going for, but using a full on bitch slap across the face is NEVER funny. Can you imagine if Eddie had slapped Shannon when she returned after ghosting him? Why is it okay in this case then?? ANYWAY, I know what they were TRYING to do but it absolutely did not work for me. I’m also a little leery of how they seem to have “cured” Iris off screen after the last we heard (in season ONE) was that she didn’t want treatment (though maybe the mentioned her when they mentioned Michelle leaving? I honestly don’t remember). I’m just not sure what they are planning to do with her, and if it’s going to work, especially if they make her the “bad guy” keeping Tarlos apart by holding the divorce papers hostage. I have avoided the interviews because as much as I would like Tim back on OG for his arc planning skills, mostly coherent storylines, main character focus, good emergencies, and overall tight ship running, I still don’t particularly want to hear what he has to say 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think we could get some good stuff of TK talking out his feelings which will be nice and I do feel like this is different from the sponsor thing last season because Iris isn’t a legitimate prospect for Carlos. However, I’m absolutely with you. “If she says one mean or judgmental thing to TK I'll shove her in the plothole she crawled out of.” I’m zero percent attached to her character, we barely even saw her in s1 and it’s been ages since then, and I’d much rather see Tarlos scenes of them working this out between them rather than a bunch of scenes with her instead but we’ll see how things go!

I am excited about the Tommy storyline though, and I was excited to see D.B. Woodside since I loved him in Lucifer. Mostly though, I’m really hoping to get more Marjan, Paul, Nancy, and Mateo because like...damn. It’s about fucking time. No matter what, at this point I am curious, excited, and ready for more!  

[patheticallyhonest]

Why do I always feel like it would be burdensome to let my friends or my family know the truth about what I'm feeling, how I'm doing? Like, for instance, in my friend group of mentally ill Discord trannies there's this one girl who has BPD and like clockwork there'll be some sort of friction, like for example we'll do a groupwatch of something without her because we pinged her and waited for like an hour for her to show up and she doesn't show because this broad has no consistent sleep schedule, and it's not fair to everyone else who was looking forward to our groupwatch to suddenly cancel it just because one of us didn't show, and then she'll get either all angry or sad or both that she ended up missing out and she'll like, start going on about how we all only tolerate her presence and don't actually like her and sometimes she'll even just up and quit the server, only to return maybe the next day, or a few days later depending on like, how long the server owner decides to let her cool down for before sending her another invite. It's exhausting to deal with.

The thing is, I don't hate her. Nor do I hold a grudge against her for being mentally ill; who among us and all that shit, right? She a pretty fun person to be around actually. Her jokes aren't all that funny, but not everyone has to be the comedian of the group, right? I like being around her when she's not having a meltdown. Or clinging to a really annoying bit for dear life. But that's besides the point. I'm willing to take the good with the bad when it comes to her. That's the point of a friendship, right? There's a phrase for a so-called friend who doesn't stick around for your time of need. A fair-weather friend. But here's the thing. I know my shit's all fucked up. I'm kind of really good at not letting it show through, but a lot of days (especially since I broke up with my long-term partner) I feel like I'm barely holding it together. It feels like a monumental effort to exist and do the things that I need to do to keep a roof over my head. I just got a new job and I'm three days in and I've cried from just the stress of learning these new things on pretty much each of those days. Every day I've gotten out of bed for this new job I've had to sort of patronizingly pat myself on the back and tell myself "I'm literally being so brave right now."

But my mental health issues don't manifest in the same way as that friend of mine. I don't start spiraling and demanding validation from my friends while simultaneously shooting down any attempts at providing said validation from my friends. If I were to express how I feel, I know that I'd be a whole lot less tedious to deal with than my friend when she's having one of her patented meltdowns. So then, back to my initial question: why, knowing this, do I still decide that I should just keep my issues to myself, be self-reliant, not trouble any others with my shit? As trite as it is, is this some toxic masculinity bullshit that's managed to stick with me even as I've been living as an openly trans woman for years? Is it an impenetrable emotional barrier I've built up around myself for my own survival as a trans woman who lives in the country? Fucked if I know. I prioritize the mental health of my friends before my own. That much I know. Maybe it's because of how it feels like I'm barely holding myself together. I project that onto my friends. Maybe it's selfishness; I don't go to others with my problems because when others come to me with their problems, it often drains me beyond my capacity to deal with that kind of stuff, because so much of my energy is already spent on keeping a lid on my own shit. That's not to say that if a friend comes to me and is like "hey I'm having a real shitty day" I send them away because I don't want them to harsh my vibe. I'll be a friend, I'll console them. Because again, isn't that what friends are for in the first fucking place?

I think you should be able to lean on me from time to time. I would much rather that my friends be able to work through their shit with me than I never have to deal with the emotional exhaustion that comes with it. Fuck, prior to me getting this new job, when I was still relishing in my glorious NEET lifestyle, I spent basically 3-4 whole days on voice call with my friend who was quitting nicotine and was going through the nastiest parts of withdrawal. She was such a bitch during that time, understandably so, but I put up with it. Because good friends don't run away when times get tough. But I keep my own emotions, my own problems under such close guard that it's often detrimental in any deeper interpersonal relationships such as romance or with family. Maybe it's because growing up I had like, -1 friends? Am I just so grateful (is that even the right word?) to have friends that I'll bend over backwards to avoid doing literally anything that might drive them away? I'm not as insecure as my aforementioned friend, I won't think a friend hates me if they so much as decline to hang out with me, but man, when I do something to upset someone I regard as a friend, it's the fucking worst. So then, it doesn't even matter that friends are all like, "oh you can talk to me." Not if part of me is still convinced that if I bum them out with my problems, they'll stop wanting to hang out with me.

Just... fuck, I dunno, man. I have got to figure out how to allow myself to be even just a little bit more open and vulnerable. I would benefit greatly from it, as would my hypothetical future partners.

I'd also like to add that I don't think that I'm the only one in the world who feels like this. I'm sure there are thousands. Probably millions, actually. Hell, maybe even billions. Maybe most of everyone on this spinning blue space marble feels the same. I am not unique, nor am I special, at the very least not in this regard. I guess if any of my 0 followers see this and feel similarly or have felt similarly in the past, I'd be happy to commiserate together, or perhaps more productively, hear your advice for how to stop being so guarded all the time, if you have any wisdom to share when it comes to this.

The best solution I've come up with so far is to start up this blog and just pour my thoughts out onto the keyboard stream of consciousness style. This way if anyone chooses to follow me—and the point of this blog is certainly not to get followers—they've basically consented to being exposed to my bitching and moaning.

My friend wants to hang out now, so I guess this is the end of the post. Maybe I'll vent again, maybe I'll forget this blog exists and never touch it again. Who knows?

[witch-hazels-musings]

Hello hazel! I hope I'm not bothering you, I just wanted your opinion on something that has been kinda bothering me.. I've come across a lot of headcanons of "undesirable traits of genshin characters in relationships" lately and alot of them say that diluc would be neglectful/unsympathetic towards his s/o where he alwan and I mean ALWAYS prioritize his duties over them.. I don't want to bring down writers since it is their vision of how the characters are but... isn't it a bit too much? I know no relationship is perfect but I don't think he would even inter the relationship if he knows he can't make time for his partner besides it's kinda sad to think about especially since he's one of my main comfort characters.. I wanted to know your opinions on this since I personally think you're the best person who writes diluc in character on this site. I hope you have a great day❤❤❤

welp - first of all, thank you for that compliment >< (negative traits in general are hard to handle, everyone has flaws (even me - i get impatient at times!), and when it’s your comfort character, those ideas can hit even harder, be more sensitive) 

so here is my hot take -> (holy crap this got long because I had some things to say lol) 

General Diluc headcanons about relationships: 

Diluc is a busy man - he’s either working at the winery, at the tavern, or out protecting Mondstadt on the regular 

there is a likely chance he wouldn’t enter into a relationship at all because

1. it’s painful to be vulnerable and he’s already lost two people who he absolutely loves (his father, Kaeya (yes, he still cares for him)), and the thought of being betrayed by them or losing them would be so hard

2. he literally keeps himself so busy that it would be hard for him to devote time to another person  (unless that person was equally as busy or okay with being on their own, i.e. finding ways to keep themselves busy) 

3. relationships are hard anyway (even Albedo thinks the same thing - I believe the both of them are similar in ‘friendships and relationships are hard to maintain, so i just don’t bother) 

I have a strong feeling that he keeps himself busy purely from regret - he wasn’t able to protect / save his father, he couldn’t stop the fatui, he lost Kaeya to a world he didn’t even know about -- he’s impulsive and reactive to things, no matter how much he tries to stay calm -- and he doesn’t want to add more regret onto his shoulders (it’s easy to ignore past memories when you keep yourself distracted 24/7) 

headcanons about him in a relationship:

he would be busy - he’s still got things to do and places to be, but he wouldn’t be totally forgetful or neglectful of his partner 

so he doesn’t keep material items, but you might so it’s possible he would buy you things (books, materials, clothes) to keep you satiated and whatnot (if that’s your thing) 

I think one thing to remember about being in a relationship is that you are comfortable being WHO YOU ARE - and if all you are is being with the person, and you can’t be ALONE and WITH a person, all relationships are hard -- so with that in mind, If his partner was okay with keeping themselves busy, maybe helping with the workload, finding a hobby or activity that they liked to do, not only would he support them in that, but he’d be so relieved that they aren’t bored out of their mind waiting around for him (again - the guilt would weight on him if his person was just ... sitting around) 

When he does have a spare moment, he’d check in on you, especially if he cared about you with the level of intensity I know he would - this boy, once smitten, once determined, wont hold back 

He may go on a walk with you, may cook with you, may entertain you at the tavern -- why? because he WILLINGLY says he will be at the travelers disposal any time they need him (he’s not heartless - he’s very helpful and considerate - he’s just busy) 

if he’s been away or without affection for a while, his partner should seek it out - go to him, touch his arm, give him a loving smile, remind him you are still there and I guarantee he will take a moment to just be by your side

A Place for the Weary is exactly the type of relationship he needs - someone who he trusts without a shadow of a doubt, who is confident enough to get him to take a break, and loving enough to provide him a place to rest his head

he assuredly will provide for you, in his gestures, in his glances, in his statements of affection, and in those evening moments when there is nothing to distract him from your everything 

He would make sure his priorities and duties are fulfilled, he has an entire freaking winery to run - and he wouldn’t forget that you are around - he sees you through the window as he paces back and forth in his study. He hears your laughter drift through the hallway, your voice floating from room to room as you sing/talk/exist. He feels your affections when you come to check in on him, a soft hand on his shoulder, a kiss on his cheek. He wishes for your return on days you are away and will welcome you fondly when you come back. 

He loves you, most ardently, and as the gentleman that he is, he will provide for you if you are open and honest with him. His trust is everything, don’t break it. 

[jessicahambys]

What are your fave Vampire Academy ships and friendships?

If this is the same VA anon I've been getting, thank you for the questions even though I'm such a slow poke and completely forgot the other messages in my inbox. If it's a new one, hi! Thanks for the q's because I love VA! On to the question -

Should put a disclaimer and say I've only read half of book 1 of Bloodlines, so I have no strong feelings towards any ships in that series yet. As for Vampire Academy

Rose/Dimitri: my babies. idc there's an age gap, I have loved these two since I read this series in middle school. I used to go back and reread the strigoi plotline all the time. I wish there were more fanfics for them. i love them so much. 

Rose/Lissa: I love this friendship a lot, especially as it developed out of its state of codependency in the books. as a ship, I respect it, but it's not exactly my cup of tea? I think I like it as a ship when its more of an unrequited thing, maybe tied in with the codependency, with lissa being so codependent on rose partially bc she's pining, and that's why it hurts so much when rose leaves her for dimitri and begins to prioritize dimitri and herself over lissa. that's some good ol angst I'd read in a fic for sure.

Lissa/Christian: they're fine. I liked them in the books, but I was never really invested. good background ship.

Rose/Adrian: not my thing. 

Rose/Christian: I ship. like, as snarky friends and the duo they were in book 3? amazing. I love them as friends. but this is a ship I do ship as like a short-term, passionate kinda thing. nothing in the long-term, nothing permanent. but a fling, a one night stand, fwb, I can see. there's a spark there that I enjoy.

Sonya/Mikhail: soooooo cute in the books.

Rose/Mason: I like this friendship a lot. I think Mason having this unrequited crush on Rose is cute and then sorrowful in the books. I said before that I can def see the show going in a Meredith/George path with these two in the show, and I actually like that a lot, because Rose def kinda takes advantage of Mason and doesn't really see his worth or his character because he's just a bit too tame/good for her and she's far more focused on the riskier option of Dimitri (just like Meredith with Derek), that a kiss/hook-up happening between the two that goes wrong seems like a very IC plotline for the show. It'd make the angst of the ending of Frostbite all the more angsty too if this kinda plot occurred while Rose was feeling neglected and dejected by Dimitri at the ski resort and kinda leans on the validation Mason willingly gives out.

Rose/Sydney: love this friendship. love love love this dynamic. I don't ship, but I respect this ship. I just really like that Rose was able to make this new connection while away from Lissa and the school, that she built these new dynamics outside of the school. Kinda now wanna read a jealous pov from Lissa's perspective on observing this new dynamic between these two.

[aple-h]

Oh okay! Thanks for letting me know. I was wondering... Could apl-spec also relate to the fact that you're desire, interest, or energy for a platonic relationship is void, lacks, or frays? Like you still like their company, but trying up held what society has friends do is something you can't really truly fulfill because you're desire isn't strong or fully there sometimes over time? I don't know.

I like having friends, but my idea of platonic love isn't super strong or doesn't seem to be defined how other allos see it I think. I feel very comfortable going in and out because my desire for them isn't super strong at times and sometimes can fray.

And I always feel bad when I prioritize my family or my special interests over friends (I'm not sure my definition of besties is typical. I'm autistic btw so that does sorta have an effect. Idk... The idea of not being super on top with friends instead just chilling and not trying be the perfect host for friends whenever they hang out is kind of freeing for me. Then again I could be just lazy and need to try harder. :/)

I do feeling of fear of missing out and missing them, but I can't really seem to be that involved as much as I wish too sometimes.

Like I said, I don't specifically know other than keeping close friends or friendships are hard sometimes for me especially since I'm autistic and my special interests tend to hold my desire captive the most. I do desire social contact, but I can't really grantee I'm always there 100%

Sorry that this is long, but I kind of needed to vent rn bc platonic relationships are stressing me out as much I do enjoy having them.

You don't have to try harder 🙁

"Like you still like their company, but trying to upheld what society has friends do is something you can't really truly fullfill"

This is relatable.

"Could Apl-spec also relate to the fact that you're desire, interest, energy is void, lacks, or frays?"

Yep

Aplspec just means it's on a spectrum, Voidpl/Voidplatonic and Fraypl/Frayplatonic are on that spectrum as well.

I think you can certainly identify as Aplspec if you want, and if you experience platonic attraction fluctuating maybe you might be Aplflux(Platonicflux/Aplatonicflux)? At least that's how it sounds.

You do also seem to sound Grey/Fray. But I'm not too sure, I don't think I've heard enough here to go by.

I am also Greypl, and I don't experience strong and/or frequent platonic attraction, and it's not necessarily always the same. I have questioned Aplspike before too due to an instance where I felt it strong. (But so strong I guess it became hard to differentiate what type of attraction I was feeling in that moment. But that's besides the point.)

In any case, it is also possible to be all three! If you feel like they all fit you;

Propeestplatonic

Myrplatonic

Such as these. 🙂

Also perhaps your Aplatonicism is also defined by your Autism.

Aplatonicism was also helped developed by those who were ND.

"Sorry that this is long, but I kind of needed to vent rn because platonic relationships are stressing me out"

It's ok. I get it

Relationships can be stressful and you can feel pressured to do obligatory deeds that don't feel like they come naturally to you.

If anyone else wants to, feel free fill in or to make an addendum.

[absurdthirst]

hi um this might be a little weird to ask, but i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now on top of being friends for months (and some of those months have been some of my emotionally and mentally harshest) and i’ve started wanting to have sex with him but i don’t know how, i guess?

i’ve thought of myself as demisexual even before we started dating, and he’s always been super respectful and understanding about it (like he still asks if it’s okay to kiss me, and if we’re kissing and he starts thinking he might get excited, he’ll pull himself away from me so he doesn’t even get to the point where he might make me feel like he’s pressuring me into something i don’t want to do), and i hate him because he makes me feel so loved and cherished and secure in our relationship that now i want to do something special for him but i don’t know what 🥲🥲

i’ve never talked to my friends about anything sexual and i don’t even know if they know i’m a virgin or that my boyfriend and i don’t have sex (it doesn’t matter in our friendship, so we just don’t talk about it much since they know i don’t really contribute when they do), so idk if i should even talk to them about it, but i know you always help your anons so here i am asking about how to lose my virginity, i guess???

i was thinking of maybe wearing something cute? he always tells me my legs are pretty, and when i was walking his drunkass home, he mumbled about wanting to feel my thighs, so i think he might be into them? i have a short, backless (i’d caught him checking out my back when i was in a swimsuit last summer) slip dress sitting in one of my online shopping carts. i’m tall as well, so it might cut a little higher than shown, and i’m not planning on wearing a bra with it, either, just a skimpy panty since i would be too embarrassed going out in it and being seen wearing that by anyone but him.

i’m planning on waiting in his apartment until he gets home (he goes to work two days every week while i’m fully work from home and stay over at his more often than i stay at my shared apartment) and i’m hoping to surprise him by waiting on his bed. is that too cliché??? like i want him to see me and just 😳😧🤤😵‍💫. after that, i’m not really sure.

should i plan it out in my head? or should i just go with the flow? what should i expect? or like, as a virgin, what should i need to know? should i start dropping hints that i want to have sex like purposely tease him and stuff until he brings it up? or should i just surprise him?? help me please

First, make very sure that this is a step that you want to take as well as giving that step to your boyfriend. Please do not just have sex because you want to do something special for him. I feel like that is not the case, but I wanted to reiterate it.

Second, if it is a step that you want to take/am curious about exploring with a man who prioritizes your comfort - good for you!

It sounds like you have the outfit planned out. Especially if it something he has been eying. Although don't be surprised if he likes it better on the floor. 😂

I wouldn't necessarily tease him. With the restrictions that he has either self imposed, or have been discussed previously, without a clear change to the dynamic, it can been seen in his mind as a little cruel. It think the surprise would be better. Now, expect him to ask if you are sure about a hundred times 😂

With your plan to wear the sexy dress and spread out on his bed, you can add a few more details so he is very aware of what is going on. You can do the entire rose petals (get the fake ones from a party store) leading from the door to the bedroom. Have some deliciously scented candles burning. When I'm really doing the whole shebang, I will have a plate of chocolate dipped strawberries. ZERO question of what is happening.

While it is special for him, it is also very special for you. And since you are a virgin, make sure you have a clear idea on what you are interested in versus what toes the line of your comfortability. I know things will change while you are in the moment, but it's always good to have an idea.

Have some lube and a condom available, just in case. And honestly? Don't expect him to last a long time once the actual sex is happening. I don't know your ages/his experience, but I know in my experience (I've taken 3 guys virginity 😳) stamina is built up over time.

The two of you might fumble around and be a bit awkward at first. Sex can be awkward, embarrassing noises happen, his dick doesn't go in on the first try, shit - there's a cramp, that position doesn't work for you - makes you feel like you need to fart. ALL kinds of things. But with as sweet as he is and as respectful as he is to you about your comfort level with intimacy, it sounds like you have picked a wonderful man to take the next step with.

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi. this isn't kotlc related, but i just started highschool and i don't have a lot of friends. i'm too shy to go up to people and i overthink things a lot. any tips on how to make good friends and juggling school work?

hey! don't worry, i don't mind getting asks that aren't kotlc related. congratulations on starting high school, i know that be really nerve-wracking, but I'm proud of you for getting there. I was the only person going to my high school from my middle school, so I knew literally no one. I was (and kind of still am) the stereotypical gifted kid who never had to plan or study anything in my earlier years and so had no experience doing so when it really mattered. Maybe some of my experiences can be of a little help <33

just to note beforehand: the kind of person i am, I have few friendships, but find them to be very close and meaningful. a couple really close over several more casual relationships, if that makes sense. so that's the perspective i'm approaching this from. These are just some personal things I do, there's no right way to make friends. also, there's nothing wrong with only having a few friends, so if you're happy with the number of friends you have don't pressure yourself to make more.

for me, the way my friendships formed was first through observation. especially since I'm introverted, i don't like to jump into conversations. Observe your classmates from afar at first, make note of faces or names or something you can recognize them by. See when else they pop up in your schedule. I find it easier to start conversations with people when there's something concrete that connects us, like a similar schedule. i actually first bonded with my middle school best friend because we had identical schedules, literally every single class together. Same with the two people I spent most of my time with in my freshman year. I don't think this is very common though, so just a few classes together is fine.

You can also use those little observations you've made to get a general sense of how others behave and who you think you'd get along with better. For example, the talkative and disruptive people generally make themselves known withing the first day or so. You can sometimes tell from appearances and apparel who the popular people will be as well. But, you can also find the people you'll connect with better. Figure out who you actually want to be friends with.

this may sound very methodical over natural, but I am not naturally socially adept and find it easier to navigate relationships with more of a plan, which helps my social anxiety too.

when in conversation with people, offer free information. this means when the other person says something or asks a question, reply with something that can keep the conversation going. A lot of people do this naturally, but it can be hard to remember in the moment. An example of this would be if someone asked, "what class is your favorite so far?" instead of just replying "English." or whatever is applicable, give a bit of information about why it is. Maybe it's because you like to read, maybe it's because you like the classroom or the teacher. This makes it easier for them to response, and allowing the conversation to move forward can lead to more personal topics and you can start to get to know each other.

for the school work part, scheduling has been my very important. I like to break it down into classes. However many classes you have, devote a basic amount of time to them however often it needs to be. I'll give you an example from my own life, but keep in mind my situation is not exactly normal and will likely not reflect your experiences. Over the summer I had four classes, all online with no real-time meetings. This meant i had the entire day to work with. So for each of those four classes I dedicated an hour of study/homework time each day of the work week. I'm a morning person, so I had no problem working early in the morning. between each of these planned hours, I would have a break so i wasn't constantly working. because I had the whole day these breaks were pretty long, but use whatever length of time works for you.

as the year progresses you'll learn which classes are more difficult and need more time, so you can adjust to prepare to give more time to those assignments and give less time to the easier classes. you can also adjust by keeping track of due dates. you can prioritize where you're going to focus your attention that way. For example, while you may have an assignment in a class, maybe it's due at the end of the week and you have something time consuming due tomorrow. you can use the time scheduled for that first class and use it for the more urgent assignment.

i understand that having schedules can feel restrictive or hard to follow, and for me it took practice and experience to get better at using them. I specifically leave my schedules kind of lax and less detailed so I don't feel trapped in them. Make note of your own reactions to the things you try and make changes when you need to. I've shared some of the things i use, but we're different people and will need different things. if something isn't working for you, change it. For example, I learned that I personally can't schedule things the day of. I need to lay out my schedule for the day the night before or I'll spend the entire day just sitting there not doing anything because I didn't plan anything and I couldn't get myself to do it in the moment. There's a certain element of trial an error there, so please be gentle and lenient with yourself <33. You're going through a big change,

This was probably very specific and niche as it was drawn from my own experiences, so if you would like me to explain anything else in more detail or provide more options or be more broad or share more personal experiences or anything else you (and anyone who wants to) are entirely welcome to ask /g. I'm on the older side of the fandom now, so I do have the lived experiences of high school and would love to help in any way I can because I know it can be terrifying.

I hope this made at least a little bit of sense. You'll be okay, starting at a new school is a big change and can be very unpleasant, but I promise you will survive. You've got this <33

[numbaoneflaya]

I got a lot for you, you don't have to answer all of these 💀. 2, 4, 8, 21, 35, and 50 for Jilly. 3, 7, 10, 41, and 64 for Valkya. And 6, 7, 14, 25, and 52 for Mike. And a large fry 😁

I FINALLY DID ITTTTTT IM SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! all under the cut bcs ofc its LONG

JILLY

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc)

-She has 2 stuffed ferrets shes had since she was little :) she calls them stinker and slinker and she loves them so much. Also a collection of friendship bracelets she pretty much makes matching ones for everyone she likes and wears them in rotation.

4. Are they a good gift-giver? What do they tend to give as gifts? -Jilly LOVES gift giving bcs she naturally hoards and steals shit and then ends up with too much shit, so what better to do with it than give to friends?? You're likely to get anything she can swipe that reminds her of u. Tries to vary it to suit whoever shes giving a gift to but her go to is something like stuffed animals and jewelry bcs thats what she likes best

8. What does their dream house look like?

-She would like an at home gym with giant climbable pillars and hoops and obstacles, or just a house with a lot of land and forest she can run around in. She's also way a fan of hidden passages and secret hiding places, anything she can snoop and weasel around in. No scary basement tho

21. What’s their ideal date like?

-Carnival or theme park! Anything with lots of action and noise and prizes. Shed want to play all the games for hours straight and go on all the biggest rides.

36. Do they trust easily? What would you have to do to earn their trust?

-Yes she trusts easily :/ mayhaps too easily. Her way of thinking is innocent until proven guilty and even then, it takes a looooot to make her start to doubt someone because she wants to believe everyone has good intentions. To earn her trust, being nice to her and other ppl is the easiest way, but she's also prone to trust you if you seem secure somehow or just in charge like a position of authority.

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip?

-Snacks. On demand. She packs every snack and drink you could ever hope for and stashes up on blankets and pillows too. The type to wanna play my spy and car games and to sing along really loudly to music. WILL stick her head out the window sometimes. Will want to stop at every roadside attraction. Just for fun the reason she might be a bad roadtrip partner is that she talks a lot. And will be loudly singing and sticking her head out the window. And after a while the car will start to smell vaguely of ferret and she might shed.

--------

VALKYA

3. Do they get jealous easily? If so, what usually causes it?

-Shes really not a jealous person at all, especially not romantically. Shes pretty chill in general. Even so, some times she gets jealous of all the time other people get to spend with Naryu. If Valkya feels like someone else is being prioritized over her shes more likely to act out like a baby ggdghdf

7. What’s their “type”? What romantically attracts them to another person?

-Women who could kill her and men who are pathetic, but shes open to anything. Has a thing for nerds, goths, vampires, werewolves, short people, assassins, and most importantly people who are easy to fluster. She will bone anything that moves

10. What’s a simple thing that brings them joy?

-Finishing a good book, especially a series. When shes not in life threatening danger or fucked up out of her mind shes a pretty avid reader. She likes having the free time to sit around a fireplace and snuggle up with a book, though she'll deny it if caught and say she doesnt know how to read hgfdgsd.

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween?

-Demetria 💀 shed just steal her clothes and stretch TF out of em gsdgdfhsd. Or dress up as herself bcs who needs originality when your famous?

64. Describe what their social media would be like.

- Random memes from the last century all mixed up, millions of selfies and nudes out of nowhere. Drunk posting at 4 am and getting into fights w Dem over dumb shit, subtweeting everyone to start drama. Has thousands of followers and does giveaways of shit she finds lying around her house for no reason but shes bored

-----------------

MIKE

6. Do they prefer to have a big social circle, or a few close friends?

-Shed prefer to have a few close friends as long as they ride or die. Most likely die tho. Shes desperate for frienship shell stalk someone to get to know them really well and then delude herself into thinking theyr besties. Sometimes it doesnt go well but she still gets a meal out of it even if shes sad

7. What’s their “type”? What romantically attracts them to another person?

-Someone who looks like they're up for fun! Really into alt fashion and people who seem like they dont give a shit. Confidence, fighters, rebels, anyone she can party hard with. Likes people who are interesting and is especially interested in befriending other killers, they have so much to bond about!

14. Who do they go to in a crisis/emergency? Any particular reason why they choose that person?

-Probably Zeke tbh. Since she turned him hes like the only other vamp besides prim she knows and hes always pretty level headed. Probably goes to him for advice on how to make friends and hes like “maybe dont break into ppls houses and drain their victims out of nowhere :/” and shes like “that was ONE TIME and it worked!!”

25. What are their dreams like?

-All chaotic! Theres seldom ever a storyline or anything, just bright colors and random things happening and an overlying sense of panic or dread. Like those images you look at to understand what having a stroke is like, everything is off color and melting and shes usually running away from something. Typically nightmares but about nothing in particular, just disconnected sounds shapes and figures.

52. What topic should nobody bring up around them, lest the other person be subject to a massive ramble/rant?

-ANYTHING to do with twilight. She knows everything about it. Has seen and read is 12 times over and can quote it directly at any time, do not attempt to argue twilight with her. Diehard team Edward forever. If your tied up and somehow the topic of it comes up just pray she kills you soon bcs she will go on for hours and bring out her annotated copies and force you to go through them with her.

[sometimesrosy]

To me it's so obvious that BC is the focus of the show and therefore endgame. It's so obvious that I really can't understand when people say things like ''b/cho are going strong in their third season being canon''. Um, where tho ?? One simple and clear proof that it's not: their *big* reunion in S6, after both of them were safe, do we see E's face ?? Nope. we see C's. I mean, if B/cho was endgame and so important, we would see the face of the girl involved with B. They don't tell, they SHOW.

Right?

To me it’s so obvious. Bellamy doesn’t even know her NAME. How is this “going strong?” He literally just put his lips to another girls lips. Fine it was (unnecessary) mouth to mouth, but he also told her he needed her, and then they couldn’t stop touching afterwards. Hands, thighs, meaningful eye contact, soft intimate words about deep feelings.

The only other times we’ve seen Bellamy do that is with Gina, before he left for the summit, and 5.01 when he told Echo nothing would change when she didn’t trust their relationship. Famous last words. Maybe also when he sent Echo into the Eligius on her mission. So, Bellamy is treating Clarke as he treats his canon girlfriends. This is not a sign that his canon relationship (given a hug of relief and friendship when they reunite after this, while his eye contact goes to Clarke, listen. this is not okay,) is going strong. 

Two seasons of no development except for dissolution is NOT going strong. It’s falling apart. 

When they break up, it won’t be out of nowhere, because we’ve had the reunion of Bellarke, soulmates, we’ve had Echo seeing them together and noting how he prefers Clarke to Echo and takes her side. We’ve had Bellamy feeling jealous about Clarke and Cillian and getting into a fight with Echo immediately afterwards because she can’t be open and honest like Clarke just was. We have a declaration of Bellamy WANTING to refocus on Echo, but being unable to when Clarke is found to be dead. We have Bellamy grieving ALONE instead of turning to Echo like he said he would. We have Bellamy caring more about Clarke and getting her back than he did about anyone else. We have Echo letting him go and telling him to save Clarke. We have the entire Josephine harangue about how much Bellamy loves Clarke and how he loves her more and is sacrificing everything for her and making him face his feelings for her. We have Bellamy telling Clarke he needs her and won’t let her go. We have Bellarke intimacy after saving her. We have Bellamy’s lack of reaction on hearing Echo is in trouble, which is less of a reaction than hearing Clarke is going back into danger. We have the family like camaraderie of his reunion with Echo after finding out she survived and his focus on Clarke during it. We have a b/e fighting together as comrades not a couple. We have the final reunion after the battle where Echo gets a pat on the back and CLARKE gets a running into eachother’s arms, soft buttery light, intimacy of feelings and meaning and assurance and a double hug and light flares. And the next time we see B/E it’s back to comrades and E is in the background while B deals with emotions again alone. Also we found out that Echo is not who she said she was and she kept her very identity from Bellamy even through 6 years. AND we have Echo being bothered by the king/spy dynamic, especially since Clarke is not a spy level but a coleader/queen level.

The development of C/B/E is Clarke and Bellamy getting closer and Bellamy and Echo falling apart.

They have set up the break up. It will be natural now, and not forced for the purpose of getting Bellarke together. I know I never cared enough about B/E to care about the story of how they broke up, but I got one anyway.

Maybe the people who think B/E is strong have never been in a relationship that has broken up before? Because man are there signs.

Maybe those people have never been in a RELATIONSHIP before? Becuase if I had a boyfriend who had a platonic friend that he treated like Bellamy treats Clarke, I would dump his ass. Female, male, straight, not straight, I wouldn’t care. There’s no way I would let my boyfriend prioritize another relationship over ours, because that would mean I was not his primary intimate relationship, and I’m not fighting for attention with my boyfriend’s “platonic” partner. :/