#maybe next time lads

[dumb-aro-dude]

well i finally decided to open up to my therapist about being aromantic and she basically pulled the “you’ll find the right person eventually” shit

[b4kuch1n]

wizard looking for a way home (aka wizard of dark space)

[listenupcupcakes]

Ya doin' good Solly my lad! -🌻

THANK YOU SUNFLOWER!

I WILL REMEMBER AND CHERISH THIS.

YOU HAVE INSTILLED ME WITH CONFIDENCE.

[coquelicoq]

just got a biopsy to see if my [checks notes] 15-week period is because of cancer. however then my friends drove me to get chocolate and the new martha wells novel so, you know, there are pros and cons here.

[catd2014]

I cannot tell you how excited I am for Andy Zaltzman, in full cricket gear, being in the next series of Taskmaster

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

Shook's Weekly OCs: #005

The first of the (many) Taianaverse characters, Saino! Now with a 'new' design that is just. A mish-mash of a bunch of au designs I'll probably never use again and his original one-

But hey, I like it so who cares! Onto the facts:

He's the youngest one of the three Dracheilig siblings by a technicality, since him and Taiana are twins (he's just like. a minute younger-).

He's a dragon, and his elemental affinity is that of nature (tl;dr, all dragons in this universe have an affinity for some sort of element, which get more abstract the more powerful they are).

He also has innate healing abilities (which includes the ability to heal others), and can regenerate his own limbs if need be.

He's usually very sweet and kind, but definitely does sometimes pull pranks on or mess with people he's close to.

He thinks his sister is the coolest, and often helps her with her knight work; He also thinks his brother is the coolest, but also thinks he works too much and finds subtle ways to make him take breaks.

He's always been close to his mother, and learned archery from her.

He is just. A silly little guy! A quiet silly little guy!! A lot of the fun with Saino is how he interacts with others, but like even without that, he just a little plant dragon man, what isn't to love?

...and yeah, im two days late but. essay :']

[sysig]

TMP 1 Adventures (Patreon)

[aldercaps]

“this too shall pass” teeth clenched, crying

[raeofgayshine]

tell me about blaine fam <3

*holds up Blaine* He’s my baby boy.

His full name is Blaine Sebastian Garcia, and he’s the main character my first book in the Beauty and the Mermaid series (He’s the Mermaid), tentatively called Crescendo. Because well, he is a music kid, but the real idea behind the name is that the story is about Blaine finding his voice and confidence again. That’s the crescendo of the story. His healing.

But! I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s go back to the beginning.

Blaine’s parents actually divorced before he was ever born. His father, an absolute dick by the way, didn’t want a second child. He didn’t even really want the first one, B’s older brother Roman, who was born when his mom was still college which led her to dropping out to raise him. (Their dad says that Roman was born to trap him in a marriage. Their mom, obviously, does not agree with this story). Needless to say, Daddy Garcia was never particularly fond of Roman, he hardly paid him any attention (and what attention he did give was largely negative), and when he found out there was going to be a second kid, he split. No goodbyes, just left for work one day and didn’t come back. Weeks later, divorce papers arrived in the mail. (Roman never forgives his father for how he left, or how he treated him, which leads to a lot of fighting between the two later down the line.)

So Blaine was raised by a single mother, but really if you ask B he would say he was raised mostly by Roman. Because like, physically there mom was always around and she did take care of them in the sense of she kept a roof over there head and gave them food, but for the first 5 years of Blaine’s life, she was extremely emotionally distant. And with everything going on, she was just so exhausted and completely depleted and,,, you know she was depressed and it was all she could do to get up and go to work so they didn’t lose the house. She did her best, but as the years went on it was getting harder and harder for her.

For a short time, when Blaine was 5 and Roman is 9 I believe (the ages still confuse me, I’m so bad with time math), the pair wind up in foster care after a teacher becomes concerned about their home life (which Roman had been trying to hide for a long time because he still loved his mom, he knew she was trying her best and didn’t want her to get into trouble), while their mother gets some help getting back on her feet and back to feeling a lot more like herself.

And once she is in a place to care for her kids again, they go home. The next few years are when she teaches Blaine to play piano (something that becomes his favorite escape as he grows up), she teaches both of her boys how to speak Tagalog (Her first language), as well as does her best to teach them about Philippine culture.

Blaine still always goes to Roman first for comfort, for advice. He loves his brother so much, and believes there’s no person better in the world then his kuya (older brother).

And maybe it’s better that way, because when Blaine is 10 their mom is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She only lives another 6 months after the diagnosis, and when she dies Blaine and Roman after left with no choice but to be shipped off to the father.

And that’s not a fun few years for either of them, Blaine does his best to stay out of sight out of mind. Meanwhile Roman is enrolled by his father at a boarding school, Ravenwood, that’s a couple hours away from the city they now live in. Mostly because their dad didn’t want to live with an angry Roman who would now fight back every time he said something rude or negative. (Roman is so angry about this decision because he just wants to be there for Blaine, he starts so many fights trying to get kicked out until finally his soon to be best friend Evan helps him realize that the best way to help Blaine in this situation was to create a space at Ravenwood waiting for him to arrive).

Blaine has a tough few years in middle school. Especially when people start spreading rumors about him being gay, he gets bullied a bit but he has his music to escape to and he knows, knows that Roman will always love and support him no matter what.

And in 8th grade, Blaine falls in love the first time. Turns out he’s not the only queer kid, and though they keep their relationship very private (they don’t even hang out as friends in school), it’s actually a semi-decent relationship as far as middle school goes. They get close enough that Blaine feels comfortable telling him the one thing only Roman knew at this point. That he was trans.

(Blaine realized he was trans when he was about 5. It didn’t click all at once, but you know he could tell something was wrong about being called a girl and it progressed from there. He eventually chose his new name with the help of Roman (and his favorite movie for a middle name), and their mom went through the process of getting it legally changed and so that was just that. Their dad didn’t even know because he left before Blaine was born.)

At first, his boyfriend reacts quite shocked and angry, hangs up the phone and doesn’t respond to Blaine for days. But B thinks he just needs time to process and he’ll come around, and he seems to because he eventually brings Blaine flowers and asks him to the end of year dance.

And this, this is where things really go wrong for Blaine. He doesn’t remember the details of what happened for months, all he knows is one minute he was stepping out for some air with his date, and the next he was waking up days later in the hospital after being gay bashed on the football field and nearly dying.

Which, as you would expect, leaves a lot of scars on Blaine. The head trauma he received obviously caused him a bit of amnesia, it also caused him so trouble with focusing and stringing together words, though that heals over time but it’s an issue for the first few months. The damage also left Blaine far sighted and in need of glasses (which he absolutely hates wearing because for Blaine they are a sign of the trauma he’s been though and the fact he will never be who he was before this. He will take a headache or blurry vision over wearing them by choice, especially outside of his house/dorm room.) The entire attack also left Blaine with ptsd, a massive spike in his anxiety, and struggling with selective mutism (which he comes to despise the quickest because he just wants his voice back!! But this is part of how he earns his mermaid nickname, because like Ariel he has lost his voice and it can only be regained by destroying the sea witch).

Because of the attack, and because it’s now come out that Blaine is both trans and gay, their dad kicks him out of the house. And of course Roman is going to follow, so with the help of Evan (mentioned above, Ro’s best friend), he collects their things and moves into an apartment in a small town less then 30 minutes from Ravenwood.

And that, that’s kind of Blaine’s story. Because of the fact he finds himself struggling to create words in the wake of the attack, Blaine uses a lot of sign language to communicate (Him and Roman learned it together when they moved in with their dad, so that they could talk without fear of him snooping or getting angry). He supplements this also with a lot of gestures and facial expressions, as well as some texting/writing (which makes him such a fun character to write because I have to communicate so much with body language). Blaine also uses music to communicate, sometimes he will just play a lyric to stand in for a sentence, or he’ll present an entire song as how he’s feeling and it’s up to whoever he’s talking to to put together the pieces (He uses a lot of music in therapy, especially when he’s trying to piece back together his memories. He gets feelings first and those feelings are tied to songs).

Blaine winds up singing for most of his friends before he is ever able to speak because music is just easier for him. And it makes sense when you see him on stage, deep in the performance of a song like it’s the one place he belongs.

What else is there to say about my boy?

Oh, my favorite fun fact about Blaine is that he knows a handful of languages enough to be fluent in them (he likes to learn languages for fun, and he’s really good at it. Something in his brain just clicks with languages). But! He knows how to cuss in an even larger number of languages. Blaine refuses to curse in English, but if he ever says anything to you in another language the chances are high it’s something that should not be repeated.

Besides piano, Blaine can also play guitar. Roman taught him, starting right around the time their mom got cancer. He doesn’t love it as much as piano, but he is really good at it.

Blaine’s favorite movie is the Little Mermaid. This is both why is middle name is Sebastian (It couldn’t be Eric because “It would be weird if I had the same name as my husband, Roman.”), and the second reason he is the Mermaid. (The third being that the twins, two of his closest friends, call him Ariel). Also he has a stuffed dog named Eric who is his favorite comfort item.

Blaine has bad night terrors. Bad like he can be a danger to himself and sometimes other people, and you can’t wake him up but there are ways to help calm him down and get him back to sleep. Blaine never remember these though, and he only knows they happen because he gets told. The night terrors are the reason his friend group implements Blaine Duty, where they take turns sleeping in Blaine’s room with him so someone will be right there if he needs it (Blaine has a room to himself thanks to Roman pulling some strings, and because of the night terrors, so his friends keep him company). The night terrors become less frequent as time passes, but Blaine Duty never stops.

Blaine has a pair of heelys. Gifted to him by his best friend Connor, B wears them all of the time and you will see him heelying most places. (There was once an attempt to attach rockets to them that failed, however he did get rockets attached to a pair of skates instead. It is a wonder he’s still alive.)

Speaking of Connor, Blaine’s relationship with him can only be described as ambiguously queer. They flirt a lot, call each Babe and Love, Blaine definitely thinks Connor is a pretty boy and wants to kiss him, but they are not dating. At all. Blaine gets a boyfriend book 2 and things get more gay because Connor flirts with both of them now and honestly I don’t even know what’s going on there, but I love it so much. Like, they are that one post about how you should be a little in love with your friends.

One of my favorite running jokes in the series that revolves around Blaine is that he frequently says “I’m kissable” or something of the same vibe. This boy just likes to kiss people. Not even romantically/sexually, he just thinks it’s fun. He has kissed most of his friends, but routinely refuses to kiss Connor (because he finds it funny and also again, there’s something gay between them and Connor is “so pretty” according to B).

There’s a group chat called “Blaine’s Music Therapy”, where Blaine shares songs he believes matches the vibes of his friends, or just reminds him of them. Sometimes he’s very sweet in doing this, and sometimes he is a menace and uses his music powers for evil. He will read your every flaw in song if you give him the chance (affectionately, he never shares songs out of malice, he’s too nice for that. But he will call you out about self sabotaging).

Oh! One of my other favorite Blaine fun facts is that he always has perfect eyeliner. It doesn’t matter what he is doing, like he could be sobbing his eyes out and his eyeliner will never run, it doesn’t smudge, it always comes out looking exactly how he wants it to. No there’s no explanation for why this is the case. I just think it’s funny.

I think that’s a pretty good overview of my lovely little Blaine.

This kid has been through so fucking much in his life, but the one thing that really gets me about Blaine is that he has never given up. It would be easier for him to shut down and shut out the world after all it’s put him through. He could refuse to make friends, close off his heart so it couldn’t be hurt again but he doesn’t do that.

Despite everything, Blaine genuinely believes there is so much good in the world. And he has to fight his anxiety and his trauma a lot, especially in the early days, to let him try again with trusting a new group of people. It’s exhausting for him, and obviously not a linear street and sometimes it feels like a constant battle against himself, but Blaine is determined to get better. He is determined to make friends and be happy and to not let his past control his life.

And it just, it means a lot to me. To be able to write him fighting so hard against himself to be the person he wants to be. Leaning on music to help him through, help him process what he’s feeling or why he’s feeling that way, and using it as a language to communicate with other people.

I love all of the Misfits (Blaine’s friend group), I really do. But Blaine is the one I put the most of myself into, and the reason he’s the main character is because he’s the one I need to write.

[aliferous-ly]

just caught up with tango’s pov for limited life and call me a mouse for the way im looking for ranchers crumbs

[dragqueenpentheus]

been making overnight oats w homemade cherry syrup but i'm almost out and i gotta choose a new kind of syrup to make and the pressure is on

[bujorulgalben]

24.09.22  bucurești, românia cismigiu park / national museum of the romanian peasant

[taruruchi]

ok you can choose whoever for these but 2, 3, 13, 14!

Ooo interesting questions!!

2. if they were invited to a show/concert/movie/event that they really want to go to by someone they hate.

Rhynstine

She's going. The person she hates can't stop her. BUT she will do her best to avoid bumping into them

Nemis

Is thinking really hard about whether to go or not. She's even thinking about giving up that interest altogether. Then she realizes that she's better than them and if anyone has to give it up, it's them.

3. if they were proposed to in public?

Miles

ECSTATIC. OVERJOYED. JUMPING ALL OVER THE PLACE. TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS EYES. He wanted to propose first, but he's still SUPER happy!! He couldn't be mad at his s/o for proposing first! And everyone got to see it!! Thinks about the proposal every single day and has the biggest grin whenever he does

Achlymna

Suuuuper embarrassed but really really happy! She finally got her romance movie proposal moment yay!! It's one of her favorite memories and she looks back on it whenever she's sad

12. if they had jury duty (or an equivalent)

Arietta

She's panicking. And whenever the lawyers have to do that picking the jury thing, she always has to leave because she always pities one side over the other djdjkd

Deima

Very unbiased and her judgment is honestly surprisingly clear. She takes this duty very seriously and is set on not messing up

13. if they found out something they didn’t believe was real actually is?

Taruchi (Me)

Finding out twst is actually real and packing my bags to go there /j

Esteban

REFUSES to believe it until he sees it with his own eyes. When he does see it, he's taking 1938749294 pictures as proof

Elpys

If it's a good thing like a unicorn, SHE IS OFF TO FIND IT. SHE WILL GET PROOF AND SHOW EVERYONE. If it's something bad, she's going to pretend she never knew it was real

[dante-mightdie]

A small req? Wheree we're a milf and our incel son eventually joins the military (you choose if he joins the military or meets at a bar I ain't gaf) and meets Ghost, 141 whatever. He brings Ghost home to his basement room(or the 141 bb do whatever you want) and ghost is surprised n shi that we this incel momma when we com with snacks or something like 'get outta here mom you're embarrassing me Infront of my new friends!" Is our sons reaction or sum. And ghostie pookie excuses himself up to the bathroom to sloppily makeout with us 🥺

nobody look at me i’m foaming at the mouth

c/w: simon is kinda strange but in a weird sexy way, mentions of misogyny, talks of sex must no actual smut, housewife kink kinda

it’s no secret that your son is a nasty little misogynistic shit. everyone on base has had the experience of standing next to him on a night as out when he gets a drink thrown in his face by whatever girl is he was chatting to

they’d been there every time he dogs out in front of everyone when you visit him on base. watching your eyes well up when your son tells you that he doesn’t like your new haircut or dress, that you’re too old to wear stuff like that

simon tried not to judge, appearances can be deceiving. perhaps you’re not all smiles and baked goods, maybe you’re an awful mother behind the scenes. he really tried. until he found out the real reason your son treats you like shit…

“she made my dad leave. he told me after they divorced that she wasn’t giving him what he needed, that’s why he had to go and get it somewhere else.” your son finally admitted one night after going through half case of beer

simon felt his hand tighten around his bottle as your son continued to ramble about how you were always busy with shit jobs. waitressing, cleaning or retail. he spent most of his childhood never getting all the latest toys and clothes because you could never afford it, too busy catching up on late bills to make sure there was a roof over both of your heads

“she’s so selfish.”

‘fuck being non-judgmental’ simon thinks. this kid doesn’t know how lucky he is. having a such a lovely mum like you, never losing your patience with your son even when he treats you like dirt. always trying to greet him with a hug or kiss just for him to push you away. begging him to call when he’s away just so you can know your boy is safe :(

“sounds like your mad at your mum for being the one that stuck around, lad.” price buts in, shaking his head with a small laugh.

you had been a topic of discussion the night after your first visit to the base. the product of a few glasses of bourbon shared between simon and john

“did you see the new recruits mother? fuckin’ hell, if I were 10 years younger I’d be all over that.” price admitted, adjusting his hips as he leaned back in his desk chair. simon let out a small grunt of agreement, having thought about this since he first laid eyes on you

simon had come to the conclusion that you both just needed a good man in your life. your son needed a father figure that would actually stick around, he could tell by the way your son looks up to him and the captain, eager to impress them

and you. oh, you. with your sweet, simple dresses and adoring smile. simon wishes you’d smile at him like that. all that cooking that your son lets go to waste could go to him instead. you could cook his favourite dinners for him and take care of his house whilst he’s away at work, whipping the boy into shape. teaching him every thing that your sack of shit ex-husband clearly didn’t

he’d be so good to you too. he knows it’s been a while since you’ve had a man to take care of your needs. he sees the way you nearly drool as you watch him running laps around the field, tatted arms on display. he’d spit you open so nicely on his cock and he knows you’d take him so well too, your pretty cunt would he creaming all over him

he soon takes advantage of this knowledge, subtly convincing your son to invite him over to your home on leave. dropping some story about how his flat is getting some work done and that he only lives 20 minutes from you both. your son was quick to offer the lieutenant a place to stay, telling him that he could take your room. that you could sleep on the couch for a couple weeks.

‘we’ll share the bed.’ simon thinks, but he doesn’t dare say it to your sons face. can’t have this little brat meddling with his plan

his arrival is clearly a surprise to you from the way you rush about shortly afterwards to start scrubbing the house top to bottom, rattling off apologies about the state of everything. simon quickly shuts down any offer of him taking your bedroom

“keep your bed, love. I’ll take the sofa.” he grumbles, sipping the tea that you made for him whilst your son rolls his eyes from the other side of the kitchen

he can see the way your eyes look at him with this longing. he knows it won’t take much to get you into bed. poor thing that hasn’t had anyone to look after her for years

he spends the next few days proving to you that he can provide. helping you carry anything heavy, drying the dishes after you’ve watched them, fixing the handy jobs around the house

you’re constantly praising him, focusing your love and attention towards him instead of your ungrateful son and the boy hates it. which is just the cherry on top, simon thinks

“your mother is so lucky to have a son like you. you must help her around the house all the time!” you coo, fidgeting with your skirt

“my mum passed away… jus’ me left out of the whole family.” simon admits, solemnly

“you poor thing, I’m so sorry. you’re welcome here anytime…” you gasp softly, placing your delicate hand on his arm and squeezing the muscle of his bicep gently and simon is ashamed to say it made his cock twitch against his thigh

“thank you, sweetheart… such a lovely girl, aren’t you?” he smiles behind his mask, reaching over and wrapping his arm around your waist. he pulls you against him, putting one hand over your mouth to keep you quiet as he hoists you up onto the kitchen counter

he squeezes his large frame inbetween your spread legs, leaning forward to look into your widened eyes

“been so good to me, love. taking care of me. such a good mum to your son, ya just need a good man to be a wife to, don’t you?” he says, pushing your skirt up your lap and revealing your thighs to him

he feels your thighs squeeze his waist, an aroused reaction from you. your body slumps into his with a natural submission that makes his cock ache. he lowers his hand and hooks his mask over his nose, revealing the scar running over his lip

“s’alright, darling. ‘m here to look after you now. me, you and the boy will be a nice happy family, yeah?” he says with a small smirk. leaning forward to mould his lips against yours before you can answer

he hears the little whimper you let out as you kiss him back, a little sloppy and inexperienced from years of being single, too busy with your son and work to date

but that’s okay because simon’s here now. ready to claim his family.

[thecherrygod]

I either had too much stew, too much soda, or am too old for meals like this

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

It's a Match! || 141 x Reader

[ Chapter 14 ] || [ Chapter 16 ]

Pairing: 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1.9K~ Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you? a/n: white-knighting johnny.

Chapter 15: Mo leannan

Johnny isn’t stupid. 

Or blind, for that matter.

Since the first time that Ghost went on that ‘date’, he’s noticed how different he’s been acting.

And weeks ago, he caught him and Gaz leaving base together in civvies. Civvies that neither of them would wear to go out for just a pint.

And either way, if they were going out for a pint, they’d have invited him and Price to go with.

No, this was different.

Personal.

And when they came back, and for the days after, he caught them sneaking glances at one another.

They’d exchange this sort of… look, that he couldn’t quite decipher.

But he could swear Ghost was smirking behind that balaclava of his…

And Gaz would bite his tongue before looking away.

It kept happening… The two of them disappearing for the night over the course of a few weeks, and coming back just in time for morning training.

Both of them way too glued to their phones…

His brain filled in the blanks as best as it could… 

And it decided that they were in love, Ghost and Gaz. 

That they were sneaking off base to get together in secret…

That they would text each other sweet nothings…

That they would exchanges glances to signify ‘I love you’s they couldn’t say aloud.

And, well, it was none of his business…

But it kind of stung a bit that he wasn’t trusted with it.

So, he tried probing.

Just a little.

Going up to Gaz during training and sort of nudging at him, poking him to see if he could get a reaction.

He made up some lie about having a date and asking Gaz if he needed help finding one too. The other lad said no with a decisive head shake.

Then, another day, he told him a story he heard of some sergeant, their age, who was caught in a relationship with a superior in their direct chain of command. And he didn’t miss the way Gaz’s eyes darted away before he muttered how stupid those soldiers were.

But Gaz didn’t fess up to anything…

And Soap wasn’t about to go up to Ghost and try the same… 

So he froze his investigation for a moment.

And he picked it up right. now.

As he stands on the next aisle at the corner shop, getting a few snacks to stock up on, he hears Simon’s distinct voice… it seems to be coming from a phone.

Peeking over what does he see if not you, listening to a voice memo with the butt of your phone against your ear, thinking the volume is low enough not to bother anyone else.

And it is low, but Johnny has good hearing, and could recognize his L.T.’s voice anywhere.

The audio is long and you’ve been listening to it for a while and giggling at it occasionally as you put things into your basket that hung from the crook of your elbow.

He’s sure you’ve been listening to the audio for like 4 minutes now, just a constant flow of Simon’s voice into your ear, probably telling you some sort of story.

Now there was something Soap hadn’t considered.

An extra piece of the puzzle…

He recognizes your face from a couple months ago on Tinder, when all four of them matched with you and, jokingly, Johnny said to Price, Gaz and Ghost that he did all the work in getting you with Price…

There was no way Ghost and Gaz were meeting up with you, was there?

Could they just have a new friend? Or… could you be more?

Thinking of approaching you and asking you directly, Johnny only catches on too late that someone is beelining right for you.

A tall, lanky bloke, maybe 6ft1 or 6ft2, with a look like he’s ready to kill someone stops grabs you by the shoulder and spins you around.

Your eyes double in size and recognition. “Who do you think you are?” He asks you.

“What the fuck do you want, Ethan?” You complain as you tap around on your phone, probably pausing the voice memo and sticking your phone in your pocket.

“What do I want?” He asks you with a humorless laugh. “I want to find out why the fuck you’re suddenly having multiple other blokes over at the flat for the whole night.” He replies.

Johnny’s eyebrows raise as he watches the scene from around the corner into the aisle.

“Since when is that any of your business? And how do you even know? Have you been spying on me?” You ask him, taking a step back.

“Spying? No. But multiple times now I’ve gone to your flat to get the rest of my things and when I was in the elevator got surprised by seeing a bloke going in or out of there.” Ethan reveals.

“Oh, piss off, Ethan!” You retort.

“You’re not denying it.” He replies. “That’s it, innit? You decide to break up with me, saying how you “deserve better” and you’re “not happy” and now you’re going around with a bunch of other blokes?” He says and chuckles dryly again.

“Oh, you’re such a knobhead!” You insult him, your feelings slightly bruised. “How dare you, honestly?! I’m not-” You add.

“You selling yourself now, ‘s that it?” He asks mockingly. “There was an old one leaving in the morning a couple months ago… now there’s black one too… And I’m pretty sure I saw one with a mask the other day. Your clients’ too embarrassed to show their faces around you, huh?” He taunts you.

“I’m sure if I went back tomorrow I’d find another bloke slipping out the door, wouldn’t I?” He continues, his words venomous. “I saw three so far, but I’m sure there’s been more. How many, hm?”

“Oh, my, God… You’re disgusting!” You tell him as you take a step back again, your fingers tightening around the handle of your basket. “I’m not selling myself, not that I need to justify anything to you! Now get away from me!”

“What’s wrong, lovie? You’re embarrassed to say that the break-up was all just an excuse for you to go around and be a whore?” He continues taunting you.

Johnny ses the panic in your eyes and before he can think about it, he’s standing behind this ‘Ethan’, who seems to be your ex. 

“They said ‘Get away from me’, I think that’s your cue, mate.” Johnny remarks with disdain dripping from his voice. Ethan turns and looks down to find Johnny. 

Johnny’s a palm shorter than him, at only 5ft10, but he’s built like a brick shithouse. Big, beefy arms, broad shoulders, strong pecs… Not to mention he’s in full military garb, minus the vest and pistols. 

His appearance is more than enough to strike a bit of fear in men taller than him… And Ethan is definitely intimidated.

“This doesn’t concern you. I’m talking to my partner.” Ethan tries defending himself.

“I don’t think so.” Johnny replies and stalks around him to your side. “Way I see it, they’re my partner.” He bluffs easily while snaking his arm around the small of your back.

He prays that you play along, silently hoping that you remember him, if nothing else, from Tinder.

“Yours?” Ethan sputters and glares at the two of you. You look up at Johnny like he’s your saving grace and lean closer to him, as a sign you recognize him and appreciate the help.

“Aye, mine.” Johnny replies with a curt nod. “This is that Ethan you’ve been telling me about, mo leannan?” [my love] Johnny asks you as his hand gently rubs your back.

Looking up at Johnny, you end up nodding in agreement. “Yeah…” You say softly, knowing that you can’t quite lie, because Ethan knows you well enough to pick up on it.

“I figured.” Johnny says as he looks at Ethan again, playing the part of the overprotective boyfriend pretty well.

“All these blokes ye’ve been ‘seeing’ out of their flat are my mates.” He explains and forces a crooked, not-quite-nice smile on his lips. “They were making sure they were alright, safe and sound, while I was overseas.” Johnny gestures to his outfit.

The realization that you are ‘dating’ a serviceman seems to extinguish whatever revolt was inside Ethan’s body immediately, like a candle that has been blown out.

Johnny lies like it’s second nature to him. His pulse and his breath are not wavering… And you can tell, because the way he has you pressed against him, you can hear both.

You finally realize what Simon told you months ago about “lying enough” while on the job and striving for honesty when he’s out of it… These soldiers are trained to lie like it’s nothing.

“And frankly, now that I saw ye accostin’em like this in a public place, I’m glad I didn’t skimp out on asking my mates to keep an eye on m’eudail.” [my darling] Johnny continues. 

“Now, if you don’t mind. We have shopping to do before we go home. So how about ye piss off?” He concludes and smiles politely. “Or else this is gon’ get very ugly.” He adds and his eyebrows shoot up in a silent lunge of a challenge.

Ethan doesn’t seem to quite believe the lies, but at the same time he’s intimidated enough to not try and argue. So he grumbles under his breath, throws his hands up in an exasperated groan and turns on his heel to walk back out of the store.

Only when he’s fully out of sight and Johnny’s sure the coast is clear, does he unwrap his arm from around you. “Ye alright?” He asks you. “Sorry for the sudden manhandling, could tell ye needed a hand… and had to get ‘im away from ye somehow.” He adds, apologetically.

You nod and look away a bit sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.” You say softly as you fix your grip on your shopping basket.  “Just never thought something like this would happen.”

Johnny nods as he looks at you, noticing your face seems extremely stressed, set into a grimace that he does not like. You’re clearly shaken up.

“Hey, it’s alright. He’s gone.” He tells you calmly and taps you lightly on the shoulder. “Do ye need me to walk ye home?” He suggests.

Nodding softly, you force yourself to smile. “I think… I think that’s a good idea.” You end up saying.

Johnny nods as well. “Want me to call Simon and Kyle to meet ye there?” He asks.

Your head snaps up to look at him and your eyes widen. “You… you know?” You ask him in surprise, your breath catching in his throat.

“They’re not as discreet as they wish they were.” Johnny says, once more lying through his teeth. 

He would never admit it took him the better part of two months to realize Simon and Kyle were ‘together’, and that it only clicked they’re together with you right now… the confirmation having come from your stalker-y ex.

“Oh…” You say sheepishly and clear your throat awkwardly.

“It’s alright, I promise.” He assures you. “I’m not judgin in any way. They’re my mates, ye ken?” He adds in a surprisingly gentle tone. “Just tryin’ to help.”

From the stories you’ve heard out of Kyle and Simon, and even Johnny’s own bio on Tinder, you’d never have guessed he was so tender… They always described him as an anger-prone, grown-up class clown… And yet here he is.

Gulping down a breath, you nod. “Yeah… Please.. And I can… I can tell them what happened when we’re home.”

“Alright.” Johnny replies. “Ye wanna finish yer shopping first or d’ye wanna just go?” He asks you carefully.

“I… I’ll just get what I’ve already got in the basket… I want to get out of here…” You add as you shuffle toward the one register counter of the small corner shop.

“Right behind ye.” Johnny remarks as he follows after you.

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