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hunflowers · 5 years

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Hate Me or Love Me

Word Count: 7.6k

Requested? Yes, and you can too, here :)

A/N: YAY the long awaited arrival of part 2 of Femme Fatale is here :D Thank you all so much for being so patient with me, I appreciate you all so much. The smut itself is 2k so enjoy ya filthy animals. And when you’re done, maybe throw a comment my way! *nose boops*

Everything was different.

In hindsight, this was expected. There was no way everything could simply stay the same and they knew that. They expected things to change, and honestly, they expected it for the worst. But, it was a good different. Everything was good, new, fresh, different.

Three months ago, when Harry visited Y/N at her office, nothing had been the same since. That much was clear when she straddled his lap and kissed him feverishly, losing themselves in a heated make out session, mindlessly dry humping one another until their lips went numb and their bodies felt overheated. She would’ve liked to have her way with him right then and there, but unlike Harry, Y/N liked to keep things in her office professional – besides this, which was a one time thing.

Once they separated themselves – well, once Y/N was able to remove herself from his lap because apparently he was a teenage boy that had no control over his sexual drive – they got to talking. And seriously talking at that because they knew they wouldn’t be able to go about their days anymore normally. They had to situate a common ground, a way they could run their businesses separate but cohesively without any bumps or forks in the road.

For a century, their city had been divided. Now, it was blending back together as a whole. Rough patches were inevitable. That’s why over the course of the last three months, Harry and Y/N dedicated their time to working on the city and its people and their livelihoods, hardly focusing on them as a pair and what this all meant as a step forward in their relationship.

But now, as everything was going smoothly just like they had hoped, they were left with nothing to worry about and were left with no choice but to sit down again and talk about their relationship.

They didn’t see themselves as dating. Dating would be the proper term but the two of them were hardly proper and the word just didn’t seem to fit who they were. Y/N didn’t think calling Harry her boyfriend sounded right and maybe it’s because she’s never really had one so the word was completely foreign to her or maybe it’s because she never expected Harry to hold the title, but boyfriend wasn’t exactly how she imagined him.

They were exclusive, that much was certain. About a month ago they were at a meeting and this guy had come up to Y/N and was all polite and sweet and had the courage to ask her to go out for a drink, but Harry stepped in, not liking the fact that someone had the audacity to come up to her, especially now, as he had these mushy-gushy feelings about her. If he would’ve done this months ago there would’ve been no problem. But, now that Harry got a taste of what liking Y/N felt like, he didn’t want to stop and he wasn’t going to let some random lad swoop in and take his girl.

Something of similar style happened in Y/N’s case too. Two weeks ago, after a long night of bullshit this and bullshit that, they went to their favorite bar. Y/N goes to the bathroom for one minute and when she comes back, she’s greeted not by one, not by two, but three women crowding around Harry. He didn’t look uncomfortable per se, because they were attractive women, but Y/N could just tell he wasn’t enjoying their presence. And this bubble in her gut –she deemed it to be jealousy, swelled the moment she saw one of them put their hand on his shoulder. If Y/N didn’t have any decency, she wouldn’t hesitate to hurt each and every single one of them, but Y/N’s a nice girl, so she went over to them very calm and with the most southern belle smile she could muster and made it very clear they were not welcome to talk her Harry.

Needless to say, they were shaking in their heels.

But, they weren’t dating.

They were simply exclusive.

Right?

Right.

Maybe.

They figured that this night was as a good as any to sit down and hash things out since business was a little slow on both ends, but it seems nothing can ever really go smoothly for them.

At around six, Harry knocked one the door to Y/N’s home, bottle of wine in hand, a kiss to the forehead delivered, and the smell of heavenly dinner wafting up through his nose. The sun was just setting over the horizon, a warm glow radiating through the large windows on the far wall that reeled in the romantic and dreamy atmosphere around them.

Never had Y/N imagined herself to be romantic, wanting to enjoy a candlelit dinner with some wine and with her guy, but she was surprising herself more and more these days, all of her attitudes shifting and changing the more she found herself around Harry. Same goes for him. He would rather be caught dead then settle down with someone, but alas, his morals were taking a hundred-eighty degree turn these days.

And maybe romanticism went a bit more down the sexual path the more they indulged into that bottle of wine. Leaving the remainder of their dinner to sit until Y/N cleans it up later, they moved themselves over to her couch – because that seemed to be their brand – and engaged themselves in another heated make out session. Except this time they moved past the teenage humping stage as Y/N gently shoved her hand into his pants and past his briefs, nails scraping over the patch of hair that trailed to his growing erection, her fingers maneuvering to pull him out and into the open. He hissed at the cool air conditioning encasing his throbbing cock, mouth falling open and Y/N leaned down to press a moist kiss to his tip.

And he knew, he knew he was about to get the best head of his life and she knew was going to give the best head of her life, but then the phone rang. They ignored it at first, letting it ring on as she sank her mouth down and around him, her warm, velvety mouth sucking him in like he was a lollipop. Her tongue flattened against his shaft as her throat constricted the moment he pushed further down her throat, a guttural moan escaping Harry’s lips at the mesmerizing feeling.

Then the phone rang again.

This time it was both of theirs.

Y/N removed herself with a huff, and Harry whined in discomfort, but they both reached for their phones on the table and answered hastily to whoever disrupted them. They both specifically remember telling everyone not to bother them for the rest of the day, yet it seems no one knows how to comprehend simple words.

“What–”

“Y/N I could not care any less if you were in the middle of having sex, you need to get to Central now,” Flo snipped on the other line, although from what Y/N could tell, it seemed like her best friend sounded nervous. And that concerned Y/N a lot.

Then Flo hung up without another word, which sent Y/N into a scramble of pulling herself together and putting some shoes on. Harry looked beyond confused at her while also trying to focus on whatever the person he was talking to was saying and then not another moment passed by before his dick was shoved back into his pants and he was running out the door with Y/N.

“This had to happen the moment I hit the back of your throat,” he scoffed as they waited for the elevator to reach them from whatever floor it started on.

Y/N turned her head to Harry slowly, looking at him with a straight face, and blinked her eyes before smacking him on the chest. “Not the time!”

From what Harry could gather from Will, who was basically the night-shift manager in his office, it seemed there had been a bit of riot down in Central City because God forbid anything go easy. It was no secret people were upset with the merge of the city, because all their lives they’ve grown to hate the other side, and it was understandable because change needs time. But it was fucking tiring having to deal with ignorant people stuck in their ways.

The drive never felt so long, especially with the few traffic heading into Central. It was normally a twenty-five minute drive from Y/N’s house, but this night it seemed everybody and their mother wanted to take a leisurely drive.

Harry and Y/N tried thinking of whatever this could be about, but for the past week there had been absolutely nothing for them to worry about, so this whatever this was really coming out of left field. And it pissed the both of them off to no extent that they had very little to go off of for whatever it was they were walking into.

Y/N tried to text and call Flo numerous times but in the timespan from the phone call to now, she hasn’t responded once. And Flo was always on her phone.

“What the fuck?!” Y/N screamed when her phone went straight to voicemail for the fifth time. It was ringing minutes ago and now there was nothing. Her heart rate had picked up immensely at the thought of something happening to her best friend, and all she could think about is how she would absolutely ruin whoever hurt her. They’re practically signing a deal with the Devil the moment they touch someone Y/N cares for.

They had a general idea of where to drive to because most of Central was occupied by old and abandoned warehouses that mainly housed business meetings and transactions every now and then. Besides that there was the one strip of bars and restaurants right in the middle of Central. Best bet was whatever was happening, was happening in that strip over some pathetic drunken fight. Although that wouldn’t make sense if it was some drunk fight, because Flo would never sound so shaky over drunk people.

Then they saw it.

In the street along the strip, a group of people surrounding others, guns in their hands to keep them on their knees, beneath them as if they were gods. And among the people kneeling was one who was lying on their side, and Y/N could recognize that blonde pixie cut from anywhere.

And then she was seeing red.

Everyone turned to the headlights of the car that was beaming at them, their guns immediately raised and ready to start shooting. Harry and Y/N exited the car with hands raised, knowing not to come off as a threat and risk their lives or the lives of anyone else. Even though it was tempting to go at them because it had been awhile since Y/N got her hands dirty, it was best she kept her cool.

When all of their eyes adjusted to see who was walking towards them, some of them took a breath of relief dropping the aim of their guns before remembering what they were doing in the first place before aiming it back at the group on the floor. Y/N’s eyes quickly scanned over who she was dealing with, not instantly recognizing anybody nor feeling intimidated by any of them. Quickly turning her eyes to Harry, she saw that his jaw was set in a tight clench as his eyebrows furrowed in anger, giving her the feeling she knew who these people were.

When they walked close enough, one spoke up, demanding them to stop where they were, and the way he slurred his words, it didn’t take an idiot to figure out he was plastered beyond comprehension. “Look who decided t’finally show up,” he snarled.

“Pat, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Harry growled, dropping his hands down to his sides as his hands balled into fists.

“Could be asking ya the same thing, mate. Last time I checked, we swore on our lives to be the enemy to her yet here you are showing up in the same fucking car. You get one taste of pussy and you suddenly become one,” this Pat guy laughed, swinging his gun around as if it were some toy.

Y/N couldn’t visually recognize Pat, but from the times her and Harry talked about business and who worked with them, she can recall the name Pat being thrown around and from what she could gather, Pat was pretty fucking important on Harry’s side. Guess it didn’t matter anymore because if Y/N knew Harry at all, he had a zero tolerance rate for anyone who goes against his word, and by tomorrow morning, this guy was going to be erased as if he never existed.

And if they weren’t in such a compromising situation right now, the idea of Harry holding such power would turn her on immensely.

Well, it is turning her on immensely she just can’t exactly act out on those feelings at the moment.

Before Harry could get another word in, Y/N stepped closer, gaining everyone to avert their attention to her, a few clicks of their guns to ensure that they were ready to be fired at any given moment. It didn’t phase her though, she was used to that sound more so than she’d like to admit. “You have five seconds to explain why you ruined my night before I ruin yours.”

Then someone that wasn’t Pat stepped closer to her, the nozzle of their pistol now pressed firmly into her temple, keeping her head forward. In her peripheral she could see the pale skin of the guy stretch upward into an open mouthed smirk, and it was then she could smell the overbearing stench of whiskey that masked him.

God, did he fucking bathe in it?

“As your boss, Pat, I’m telling you to save whatever dignity you have left and put down the guns–”

“And as your enemy, Pat, I’m telling you to put down the guns before you make any more regretful decisions.”

“And what the fuck are you gonna do abou’ it?” He laughed, genuinely laughed knees buckling a little as the alcohol consumed his inability to stop laughing. Practically everyone cocked their heads to the side to wonder what was actually so funny, eyes looking around to see if anyone else was laughing.

Nobody was.

Then, all in just a matter of seconds, Y/N stomped on the person’s foot beside her, heel of her boot digging into the toes of his, a high-pitched yelp of shock leaving his lips as she used her arm to knock the gun out of his hand before catching it in her own and smashing the butt of it into his nose, immediately a waterfall of blood gushing down his face and onto his clothes and onto the cement below them. He kneeled over in pain, a scream of anguish sounding in the air as she brought her knee up and into his forehead which knocked him backyard, his body collapsing to the ground in a heap of blood and cries.

That shut Pat up.

His hazy eyes widened in fear and nobody else knew what to do as they swayed from intoxication and cowered in fright. At this point, everyone that was once kneeling on the ground had managed to scurry themselves behind the two demanding forces, because that’s just how dumb these guys were. It made Y/N wonder how the fuck Flo was unconscious–

Right, Flo was unconscious.

Tracing her hand over the sleek black metal of the pistol, Y/N pulled back the slide, aiming the gun right between Pat’s puny little eyes, finger resting very close to the trigger. “Your five seconds are up.”

“Wait!” He pleas, eyes wide with desperation, voice laced with worry as the cool metal pressed against his forehead. “He told me to do it!” He shouted, hand pointing at Harry with a furious nod of his head.

Y/N’s eyes snapped to Harry who looked as confused as ever, but the way his hands rested on his hips and the way his lips were rolled into his mouth, there was some truth, or maybe all of it was true. “What’s he talking about?”

Harry sighed, looking down to his shoes in defeat which made Y/N all the more angrier. Harry pinched his eyes shut, then brought his line of vision to his girl. His girl that he couldn’t imagine wanting to hurt anymore. Yet the past always wanted to come back to bite him in the ass.

“Listen–”

“I’m telling the truth, you gotta believe me! It was all his idea I swear it!” Pat panicked beside Y/N, hands clasping together in a pleading motion, and when she looked to him, she could see the faint moisture buildup in his eyes.

There was a lot happening all at once, yet it also felt like nothing was going on at all. There was the claim Harry set this up yet in the thirty seconds it's been floating around in the air, there’s been no jump to deny it or explain it. And Y/N was feeling a whole lot of everything, and she would appreciate it if something could be explained so she could focus all of her energy on one emotion. And at this rate, anger seemed to nestle itself nice and snug inside her veins.

She’s seen Harry change over the course of the past three months. Honestly, she has, and she knows that deep in her heart he wouldn’t put their blossoming relationship at risk anymore; But something was also telling her this was exactly something he would do. He would use her just to get what he wants, and that’s all of the power. The power to be the sole King of the city.

And that broke her just a little bit.

Harry hasn’t made a move to say anything again, and that didn’t settle well with Y/N. Turning back to Pat, she kicked the shin of his left leg, knocking him down to the floor, keeping the gun against his skin, looking down at him with her nicest smile, hissing out, “Tell me the truth. All of it.”

He gulped, eyes bouncing between the two mafia leaders, before he kept his twitching gaze on Y/N. “He w-wanted to start a war. It’s been his plan for months – to end what his grandfather started and… take you down. Starting with her,” his head gesturing to the girl that still lay unconscious atop the cement.

Then the stressed look left Pat’s eyes, and his original smirk settled back on his greasy skin. “Did you think he actually liked you? Cared for you? … You said it yourself, you’re the enemy.”

“Y/N…” she heard him step closer, his fancy shoes scuffing across the ground. Y/N cringed at the idea of him being closer, so without really thinking about it, Y/N bashed the butt of the gun into Pat’s head, knocking him out, now having it aimed at the guy who’s managed to hold her heart in his hands and then crush it.

She shouldn’t be surprised and she will listen to what he has to say, but this didn’t change the fact that he wanted a war. There was always the tension that a war was bound to happen just to keep everyone on their toes, but Y/N never had the intention to actually start one unless necessary. She figured he thought the same because war meant a lot of unnecessary deaths were bound to happen and a lot of clean up and resituating the city that no one had time for.

Guess she was wrong.

“I would say I’m shocked… I’m not,” Y/N shrugged, looking at the gun in her hand before dropping it to the floor. Even if he wanted to hurt her, she couldn’t do that to him. Not now, not after everything they’ve worked for.

“I said it a year ago when I was drunk off my mind in a brief conversation! I wasn’t going to act on it, c’mon you know this, you know me,” he scoffed, hands never leaving the comfort of his hips. He stood as if he were her father scolding her for something ridiculous, and maybe she was overreacting a little over everything, but she didn’t take shit from her father and she wasn’t going to take shit from him.

“Regardless, your people hurt mine and that goes against the biggest rule of conduct. Fix your shit and get your own ride home,” she rolled her eyes, stepping over the body of the first guy who was still cradling his broken nose in his hands.

Y/N made her way to Flo, gently touching her to see if she would wake within the next few moments. From the way her lip was busted, the small bruise forming under her eye, and the blood drying in her hair, Y/N could tell she didn’t go down easy and she needed to get her out of here as quickly as possible to make sure she didn’t suffer from any long term damage. When she noticed her friend stir a little, eyes squinting open as she moaned in pain, hand flying up to caress her aching head, Y/N went to help her up, helping her walk to her car parked down the road.

Y/N didn’t know how to feel. She really didn’t. She couldn’t be mad at Harry for saying something when he was drunk, because God knows the amount of things she’s said when she her blood was replaced with vodka, so it would be wrong to be a hypocrite. But she can’t trust that one time a year ago was the only time he discussed it. If it were something that was mentioned once on a whim, there would be no way Pat and his men would do something like this without some sort of order. None of it made sense and the more Y/N tried to think about it, the worse her headache got.

But the one bit she couldn’t stop her mind from reeling over and over again, like it was a broken record. Did you think he actually liked you? Cared for you? … You said it yourself, you’re the enemy.

Y/N never, ever got herself into relationships. She didn’t want one, wish for one, crave for one because with her lifestyle, it’d be difficult to keep up with. It wasn’t in her cards and for all of her life she was fine with that. But now that she got that taste of one, taste of something that resembled something of a relationship, she didn’t want to give it up. But did he like her? Or was it all some sort of show just so he could rip the rug right out from under her feet?

This was exactly why she didn’t do relationships. Because now she was getting too much into her own head and didn’t know what to believe anymore. And she would be damned if out of everybody on this fucking planet it would be him to break her heart.

When Harry saw her car speed away, he knew he fucked up. He felt something pang in his chest, in his heart when he saw her cold eyes for the last time. When she said she wasn’t shocked, her eyes looked bewildered yet defeated all at once and for Harry to know he was the cause hurt him. He was used to her being angry at him, it was practically how they lived their lives, but over the past three months, every time their eyes locked, he saw something else hidden behind them, flashing across them, dancing over them, like admiration and adoration. He would give anything to get that look back instead of the icy glare.

Picking up the gun that she dropped, a fit of rage washed over him as he realized he now had to deal with this group of idiots before him. They all looked as if they were going to shit their pants, and rightfully so because they knew what happened when anyone crossed him.

They get a bullet in their skull.

Maybe everything wasn’t so different after all.

❊ ❊

Moments passed by.

Silence.

Seconds passed by.

Nothing.

Minutes passed by.

Not a word was said.

They sat in gruelling quietude, neither of them jumping to break the tension.

It had been a month since they saw each other. That was mainly due to the fact they both had over inflated egos and didn’t want to be the first to cave. She was mad at him and felt it was necessary for him to want to contact her first because he was the one who had some serious explaining to do. And he did try to talk to her. He called her at least ten times a day for the first week, which she declined all of them. So, then he was angry and gave up and didn’t want to beat his already bruised narcissism. Then, when he didn’t call her again, she got even more angry that he didn’t want to try harder for her. So they ignored each other for three weeks after that. And when the silence became too overwhelming, Y/N decided to give him a call back, so it would seem she was taking the higher road and was the better person.

Then he ignored her.

It was all a competition, and it always would be between the two. Even when they didn’t really mean to make things so complicated, there was that underlying rivalry creeping back into their lives. Maybe it would never go away, and that’s okay because being rivalrous was their chivalry, and that’s what drew them together as partners both business and pleasure.

Eventually, they put their differences aside - or rather their similarities, and they finally discussed a time and place for when they should meet and actually talk about things. And they decided on a public restaurant to make sure they wouldn’t cause too much of a scene. Not that that’s ever really stopped them before but it was worth a try.

But, again, it was a battle of who would open their mouth first. This never ending cycle was kind of sickening, but it was also a little funny. They were laughing on the inside, but on the outside they could kill someone with their dirty looks. The poor waiter that had come over recognized who they were instantly and was already nervous from the get-go, but when he saw how miserable and angry they both looked, he was near shitting his pants. When he saw Harry send him a grimace at his presence when he approached the table, he wanted to cry. And if Y/N wanted to lose and break the silence first, she would’ve scolded Harry for being so rude to someone just doing his job.

But she wanted to win, so she kept her trap shut.

Of course, though, they both tied when they spoke the first time, at the same time. If being mad at one another wasn’t angering enough, but to both speak at the exact moment so neither could have the title of being winner or loser was near infuriating.

“I’m not mad y’know-”

“Look, I’m sorry-”

At her words, Harry looked a little perplexed, head tilted in confusion at her confession, a million thoughts now running through his head. If she wasn’t mad, what was with the silent treatment? What was with the icy look before she left him that shot right through his heart? He knows he deserved it so how could she not be angry? If the roles were reversed, Harry would expect a decent apology and to be honest, he’d probably, but he’d never forget.

Maybe that’s why he liked her so much. She amazed him in so many ways because no matter how similar they were, they did also have their differences. One of them being that Y/N would inevitably always be the nicer one out of the two. She had the reputation of being the nice boss. People preferred living on her side of the city a lot more than they did his, so even though it used to be illegal to move to the other side, people always found a way to emigrate. And right now, that much was clear that she’s a better person than him by a landslide. Harry would always admire that about her and could only wish that he matched her.

Taking a sip of his wine, he licked his lips in thought, gesturing for her to continue with her previous statement. Ladies first, after all. And even though she felt it was really his job to do a lot of the talking now, she was going to let it slide. “I did a lot of thinking this… break. I was mad at first, I’ll admit. Thinking after everything we’ve worked through for you to go behind my back and want to hurt me, well, hurt me and I hated that I let myself get to the point where you were able to hurt me. I was mad that I didn’t see it coming yet at the same time I did see it coming and didn’t do anything to prevent it. I was mad that my best friend got hurt because of you and it took everything in me not to put you in the same state she was in.

But, I realized that what I was feeling wasn’t anger, but… pain. What Pat said about you not actually liking me didn’t settle well with me at all and I got a little too into my head, thinking he was probably right and I’m the biggest fucking fool there is. Then I did more thinking and realized he’s fucking wrong. You’re not the same disgusting person I’ve known all my life after these past months, and I know you like me. You like me so much and I know that because I like you so much. So, long story short, I’m not mad. But, Flo is, so you better fucking apolgize to her,” Y/N concluded, reaching for her dry martini, finishing off the remaining droplets of it, observing Harry as he sat very stunned from her rambling session.

That was a lot more to take in than he anticipated.

At least she wasn’t angry. But he still had some apologizing to do and wouldn’t stop until she knew how sorry he was. She was right, he did like her a lot and he needed to fix this to the best of his abilities, because he wants her in his life liking or loving him rather hating him. What a sap he’s become.

“I will, I promise. I never intended for that to happen and I know with our past it doesn’t seem too far off, but I could never do something like that now. I was drunk when I first mentioned it, but I’ll admit the idea of a war had been brought up on a few more occasions past that. But when we first agreed to merge together, I made it very clear to my team that any previous ideas were to be thrown out because this was the new plan, and the plan I intend on sticking to. I don’t know why Pat did what he did, and it pisses me off to no end that he did it.” Taking a breath, Harry took a moment to gather his next thoughts, leaning forward on the table between them, green eyes never leaving hers.

“I know you said you don’t believe what he said, but I’m telling you myself, just to clarify your thoughts, that it wasn’t true. You’re not my enemy… anymore and I want you in my life. What we have is good and I don’t want to risk losing it. So even if you’re not mad, will you please forgive me?”

Y/N has to refrain from smiling brightly, biting her lip to conceal her laughter. The way he still wanted to apologize even if she declared he didn’t really need to, and the way his mouth formed itself into a small pout as he awaited her forgiveness was too cute to not want to smile at. She wanted to pinch his cheeks like a mother to her child and coo at him with all of the love in the world. Not hating him felt so nice and like such a relief that she couldn’t even comprehend how they lasted that long in the first place. Over the months she got to know him a lot better than she used to, and he’s one of the biggest dorks she’d ever meet, so not liking him simply didn’t feel like an option anymore.

Nodding her head softly, Y/N leaned across the table to capture his lips in a soft and quick kiss, ensuring that they’re back on good terms. Harry couldn’t hide the smile that flashed across his skin.

“Now that that’s settled, you’re paying,” she motioned at the checkbook that was just placed between them. He rolled her eyes at her before picking it up to read the total and reaching into his pocket to pull out his money.

They both stood up, pushing in their chairs and exited the restaurant practically different people from who walked in. They didn’t hold hands walking to their cars because that was just a little out of their comfort zones, but they did walk in step, arms brushing against one another as they kept stealing fast glances at one another through their sunglasses.

Stopping in front of her car, they stood chest to chest, goofy smiles planted on their faces that hardly seemed like they were leaving. Then of course Harry had to ruin the cute moment. “Now that that’s over, do ya think you can finish that heavenly blowie? M’practically itching to feel the back of your throat again.”

“Shouldn’t you be the one trying to please me?” She quipped, digging into your purse to get out your keys.

“You’re right, I’m also itching to feel you on my tongue. Sixty-nine?”

Somehow, that’s exactly where they ended up. On her king-sized bed, Harry’s cock down her throat again, her nose brushing against the taut skin of his balls, her dripping cunt resting over his face as he devoured her like she were his last meal.

Crazy how a day could change so quickly.

She gagged as his hips involuntarily thrusted upward into her velvet warm mouth, tears springing to her eyes causing her to rest her hand on his thighs and give herself a moment to breathe. He ushered a quick mewl of an apology, aching to get her back on him, his release impending. He knew she was sensitive and he tried his hardest not to rock his hips harder and more frequently, but when she was moaning around him, sending vibrations up his spine because his tongue delved into her pulsating core, he found it very difficult.

Dabbing at her eyes with her fingers, she took her hair and wrapped it around her fist to keep it out of her as she pushed herself as far down as she could on him. Harry let out a moan similar to that of a pornstar as she bobbed her head faster, his tip constantly pushing against her soft throat, which shook Y/N and had her thighs clenching around his head fiercely when she felt the familiar coil in her stomach begin to churn.

Harry removed one of his hands from the soft skin of her ass, admiring the nail and handprints he’d left in his wake before he took his thumb and focused rubbing fast circles on her clit while his tongue continued to lap up her juices and plunge into her sopping wet entrance. At the attention of her bud, Y/N was a mess, her work on Harry becoming a lot sloppier, saliva trailing down the sides of her mouth and onto her chin, dripping to his balls and onto the sheets below him. Harry could feel her spit travel from her mouth and onto him, and the vision of her mouth stuffed completely of his cock had him twitching in her mouth and he wanted nothing more than to cum in her mouth and for her to come in his.

Removing himself for a moment so he could speak, he placed kisses along her pussy and thighs, words coming out after the smack of his lips to skin. “M’close baby… gonna cum in deep in your mouth – fuck, I know you’re close too… c’mon, princess, cum for me. Want you to soak my face, have your honey, shit – dripping down my chin.”

He always had a way with words.

Holding his balls in her hand and softly tugging on them and massaging them, without using actual words she was also encouraging him to cum down her throat, wanting to swallow every drop he had to offer. She wasn’t going to put all this work in for nothing.

And because these two were so insync these days and never letting the other come out as superior, they both managed to reach their climaxes at the same time. Ropes of his release flew down Y/N’s throat, and wave after wave of pleasure seeped onto Harry’s face, and both wouldn’t want it any other way.

Removing Harry from her mouth and moving her body off his, they both took a moment to breathe, never being so grateful to get a taste of fresh air. But before they relaxed too much, they busied themselves into a good old fashion make out session, enjoying the taste of themselves on each other’s tongue. Y/N separated their mouths to lick up the remnants of her on his chin, this having Harry’s cock practically shoot right back up.

Harry sat up against the headboard of her bed, situating themselves so Y/N was sat in his lap, her slit slowly guiding up and down against his shaft, quickening his recovery period.

“You’re not too exhausted, hm? Need you to fuck me good, H,” she murmured against the skin of his neck, biting on the flesh, planning to make it very evident that no one else had the privilege of touching him again.

He had the same thought process, except he didn’t care about other people, rather wanting to leave marks on her skin so she would remember who put them there and who would be the only one to put them there. Her poor ass was bright red as he kept grabbing and slapping at the battered skin, but he didn’t care. If she couldn’t sit, oh well.

He gripped her hips, forcing her downward to grind against his growing erection, giving her her answer. He would never forgive himself if he didn’t feel his prick nestle into her tight walls after this month of separation. Her pretty pussy is all he can think about these days and if he could keep himself inside of it forever, he would. So, yeah, he’s gonna fuck her good, with a hint of love making because he wants her to know that he’s hers for as long as she’ll have him.

“I’m nowhere near finished,” he replied, bending his head down, latching his mouth around her pert nipple, tugging on it with his teeth as his other hand reached for her other and pulled on it between his fingertips.

He took his time on her tits, paying equal attention to each nipple, swirling his tongue around them, lightly sucking and pinching, all of which was making her moan quietly into the otherwise silent atmosphere.

She kept the slow grind of her clit on his mound going, knocking her head back as she was in euphoria as he continued his assault on every inch of her body. She wrapped her fingers into his curly hair, tugging on the roots like he likes, his moans reverberating on her chest, hitting against her heart that pounded against its cage.

Removing himself with a pop, he smiled up at her with a boyish grin, reaching both hands up to squeeze her tits, pushing them together, imagining himself fucking them now, her chest slippery with spit and precum as he slid between her slowly, enjoying every second of it.

But he’d save that for another time.

“Gonna ride me, love? Can you do that f’me?”

She didn’t exactly want to, because even though she asked him if he was tired, she was a bit exhausted herself. She would certainly try to ride him, bounce on his dick with all of the power she has in her, but she couldn’t count on having energy forever. And something told her he wanted her doing all of the work all the way through.

Y/N wasn’t a pansy though, so she nodded her head and lifted herself onto her knees, feeling him bob up and his head hit against her moisture. Reaching down and taking ahold of his member, she tortuously moved him between her folds before sinking down on him, inch by inch, savoring the moment of connection.

They groaned in unison, electric pleasure shooting up both of their spines as he stretched and filled her to the brink. It took her a moment to fully adjust to his size before she rolled her hips forward, her spongy walls sucking him in.

Harry wrapped his hand in her hair, pulling her head back so her throat was on full display, peppering hot kisses along the skin. “Feel so good, baby. Your cunt was made for me. Tha’s it, fucking bounce on me, get that ass moving.”

She whimpered at his words, mouth falling open as her eyes rolled back the moment she felt him hit that spongy spot inside of her over and over again. Harry couldn’t resist resting his thumb on her tongue, and she couldn’t resist closing around it, sucking on it like a baby. Her tongue circled around it, gently biting on it that had him slapping her ass in response. Y/N cried at the impact, which also had her sinking down on him a lot quicker.

“Faster, Y/N. Act like you’re mad at me… ruin me, c'mon know you got it in ya,” he growled, taking his hand away from her face and gripping her hips again, thrusting up into her harshly to egg her on. He bent his knees which lulled her body closer to his, the angle pushing him a little deeper inside her walls.

Sweat coated their bodies as she worked herself to a faster pace, her hands resting on the headboard behind him. Her clit rubbed against his tuft of hair, sending her into a frenzy as her orgasm approached a lot quicker than before. She would be done for soon but she needed to make sure he wasn’t so far behind, and when she clenched down on him, hearing his whine of delight let her know it wouldn’t be long until he was coming undone.

“Harry… oh my God Harry.”

“We’re almost there, keep going. Harder, Y/N, you can do it.”

“Har–” She cut herself off the moment his hand wrapped her throat, lightly squeezing and causing her to now have to work for her air.

She crossed the finish line. She couldn’t help it as her orgasm suddenly shocked through her body, her thighs clenching and twitching around his, her hands holding onto his shoulders with a tight grip. She rode it out, crying at the sensitivity of her clit as she continued to sink onto him, waiting for him to follow.

Because she came, she felt this sudden wave of extreme fatigue, hardly finding the energy to keep herself upright at the moment and Harry noticed this. So, he pushed her body backwards so her back hit the soft material of her comforter, and now he put the effort in and pounded into her at a furious pace. His hand didn’t leave her throat and because he was a cocky son of a bitch, he attached his thumb to her hypersensitive bundle of nerves, coaxing a third orgasm out of her.

Y/N was crying at the sensation, her legs trembling as she released again, his cock completely coated in her wetness, the sound of their connecting genitalia heightening at the increased moisture between them. Admiring how much of a mess she looked beneath him, her hair a scattered mess, throat and chest littered in love bites, thighs and ass bright red and bruising like a peach, he decided why not add to the collection.

Pulling out of her, much to his dismay, he pumped himself a few times in his hand before he let out his second round all over her thighs, pussy, stomach and chest.

He was satisfied to say the least.

Both of their chests were heaving, their breathing patterns working oppositely, she breathing in and he breathing out. Harry laid himself down beside her, eyes drooping closed in utter contentment, a smile dashing across his face as he and his girl lay completely worn out.

“I need… to get cleaned… but too… tired*,” Y/N murmured in a pant, not finding the energy to wipe off his cum that littered her entire body.

“I quite like the way you look,” he started, flipping to his side and caressing her soft cheek under his palm.

“All fucked out, and all because of me.”

#maybe the ending couldve better ill admit #but oh well i donut care pls hope u enjoyed :)#harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles au #harry styles smut #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #harry styles #one direction fanfiction

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shoezuki · 4 years

Note

Do u understand the new dream drama??? I am confusion

Whoop sorry i been doin fuckery n hw All day n like. I still aint able to get on my computer rn but im gon give u a tldr without sources because lazee

I know Practically all a it beyond maybe like. Exact time frames n shit. So ill give u the runnerup to all this

John swan is a commentary youtuber w like. A devent following. I think around 200k? He definitely had 'fans' n an audience for all this n crap

At some point i believe a year ago (idk exactly How Long ago but john swan had like 6k subs on yt) dream n john swan Converged and knew each other. Whether they were friends or not im unsure. But thats not exactly relevant

But essentially john swan on discord made his account out to look like dream and messaged at LEAST one person pretending to be dream, saying slurs like the n word, horrible shit, n something about coding a 'sex mod' ??? Pointing that one out specifically cuz it has become a whole goof

This person Relayed this info to dream who confronted john swan about it. John swan essentially said 'i havent been on discord in a few days. My discord login info was on a family friends computer and a 12 yo i know did all that'

This kinda like. I dont think anything happened While it was jus happening. But at some point a bit over a week ago now, dream made a reddit post saying such about john swan, that he was 'a suspicious guy' and such things on a smaller subreddit. John swan himself screenshotted it and brought it up on twitter that dream 'has a large audience' and defamation of his character can do a Lot of damage to him, and that he was lying

Imma speedrun this cuz its gotten to kinda like. Jus twitter beef. Its essentially 'im not lying YOURE lying' between john swan n dream on twitter. There was some drama alert shit, dream's whole 'detective' stream, john swan made some 18 page length Thing i couldnt be bothered to read.

Dream's arguments the whole time like. Objectively were better and jus more understandable. Made more sense. Although some things Couldve been poked through if john swan replied well enough. For instance one point dream made about it Absolutely being john swan was that the messages sent by this '12 year old' used similar speech patterns n terminology. Which Cam be solid evidence but for some fuckin reason all ppl w followings on twitter type n text like they eat cardboard in their free time like. The blandest ass shit. Whatever

BUT it came to some kind of 'end' today because apparently some Absolute no argument Evidence came out against john swan which hadnt been revealed publically as far as i seen. John swan First admitted to it in dms with friends n other commentary yters who'd made videos n shit on the whole bullshit. Dream tweeted bout it too a thread of like how 'he and the community deserve an apology' but he didnt think itd happen.

The john swan made a tweet w an apology that was essentially. 'Yeah it was me me and a friend were messing around on discord when i had a small following and i hadnt thought it was a big deal but once dream found out and confronted me i lied and continued lying im sorry'

All around its jus wack n like. Dumb as all fuck. Like yes in a 'discourse sucks' way but also in My way that this is No Fun. Like not even that juicy drama i live for. What COULD be actually important (john swan basically admitted to using the n word???) Just Doesnt get mentioned. Wack

#discourse #hope this makes sense #another commentary dude whos p chill and said somethin bout it #more on like. john's Apology n shit #is omni i cant grab a link rn but its the first part of todays vid

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lordseochangbin · 5 years

Text

till all the stars align ミ☆

description: after seven months of working as a producer for jyp, creating one of the biggest girl groups in kpop and becoming friends with almost everyone in the company. on top of that, you started an unforgettable relationship with one of the biggest rappers in kpop, loving endlessly whether you were close or apart.

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・ pt2

it was the next day after you met changbin, the rest of the night turning into an endless conversation. before leaving, changbin insisted on taking you home, mentioning that sleeping at the studio like he does every night isn’t a good habit to pick up.

when you arrived home last night you realized that you never saved the demo you were working on last night, leaving you to much disappointment.

you wanted to go back, but it was already 2 am and you knew it wouldn’t work out. what were you going to do? you were working inside one of the open studios, meaning someone else probably had it booked right now.

you arrived at the company, running upstairs as your booking time was close. your ceo, along with your boss, stood next to the studio door as you walked in eagerly.

“hello! thank you for taking your time to visit me” you bowed to them, along with chan and jisung.

the two men sat down on the couch in the back of the room as jyp asked you, “are you ready to present us the masterpiece?” with a smile.

“yes! hundred percent” you nervously laughed as you headed to the laptop, chan and jisung hovering over your shoulders

“guys.. psssst” you whispered, as the two boys came closer.

“what?” jisung whispered back

“last night you dumb fuckers asked changbin to come and visit me!!”

“and you better thank us for that” chan giggled

“and i left with him.. forgetting to save my demo”

you felt chan and jisungs jaw dropped as the mouse cursor hovered over the file, you clicked on it relieved to see the song length was 4:52

“it seemed like it saved anyways” you laughed.

“are you ready jyp? this is my new hit for the girl group called ‘i still love you’”

the song started out perfectly, a bubbly pop melody filled the room earning you a smirk from both chan and jisung as the two officials listened attentively.

the chorus started and you began to sing along, the catchy tune grabbing your tongue as you danced in your head.

one thing that you didn’t notice though, after the second chorus started a bridge that you did not produce. your eyes glowed, attention facing the ceo and other official as they nodded their heads to the song.

chan and jisung however knew this wasn’t your style, “what is this?! it’s good!!” jisung whispered in your ear

“i didn’t do this?!?” you whispered back

“huh?” chan replied confused.

the chorus began again, the song about to end. but one thing that still remained was the question of who made the bridge?

was it someone from last night? maybe they caught your demo and decided to mess with it?

“wow!” jyp exclaimed, “kao... i love it— especially the bridge. that’s definitely out of your safe zone but you did good with this one. can’t wait to hear the girls sing it”

you laughed and waved them off as they left. closing the door behind you, you turned to the two boys. “WHO DID THAT BRIDGE” you screamed, scaring the two guys.

chan and jisung both ran to you, grabbing your shoulders as your hands moved around nervously

“if it wasn’t me.. and it wasn’t you.. and it wasn’t jisung” chan thought out loud.

“oh god?!!! did someone hack into my producing software and finish the song for me?!”

“they must of spent a long time on it though...”

you stared nervously at the floor, your head pounding with guilt as your eyes shut with tears. it was either the stress or the lack of sleep.. or both you suppose. but also the undeserved credit, you didn’t write that bridge. who gave it to you?!

“AHH OK CHAN?!? i dont know what to do?! she’s freaking out?! is it the insomnia?!” jisung yelled frantically

“AH, BINGO! OK OK ILL START SINGING INSOMNIA” chan yelled back. they rested your neck on the couch as you rested your eyes in distress.

“WAIT NO- LETS GET HER SOME WATER” chan and jisung ran out the door as you sighed deeply.

you wondered who couldve made that bridge. you had to admit, the bridge saved the whole song giving it a spin that no fan could’ve seen coming. you heard footsteps come back towards you, stopped in front of you.

with your eyes closed you punched the figure making you smile. your smile slowly disappeared hearing a unfamiliar grunt. you opened your eyes in shock.

“changbin?!”

“fuck.. kao what was that for?!” you covered your mouth in shock.

“oh my god.. im so sorry i thought you were chan or jisung i..”

“you punch them too?!” he replied laughing, his hand covering the spot where you punched him.

“im so sorry changbin.. does it hurt?” you asked, placed your hand over the spot on his stomach

changbin laughed at your concern, “dont worry, the guys and i mess around like this all the time.”

“anyways” you patted the seat next to him gesturing him to sit down, “what are you doing here?”

“i just wanted to see how the new song went. did he like it?” his eyes waiting for an answer from you, however your head was blanking out..

“he said he loved it” you replied back

“oh nice! you know.. i shouldve placed a bet that if he liked your song i would take you out on a date”

“and what makes you think i want that?”

“the way your hand is on my stomach” he said. you looked down to find your fingers fiddling with his t-shirt, quickly pulling away as you realized what you were doing.

“oh.. im sorry changbin” you nervously laughed, biting your lip as you placed you hand on your lap

“it’s okay kao... but can we pretend like i placed a bet in the first place?” he asked with a smirk.

you laughed at his attempt. “finee”

you and changbin laughed at each other embarrassed. even though he seemed cold on the outside, he was rather cute. almost like a whole different changbin from the one you see on stage, but his adorable personality stayed valid. he never failed to make you laugh since the day you met him, then again that was yesterday.

due to the silence you yawned, blinking several times before your eyesight could return back to normal.

“you must be exhausted huh?” changbin asked.

“you probably know how it feels more than anyone, the pressures of meeting deadlines” you replied, covering your mouth as another yawn passed your lips

“tell me about it, if anything you can always sleep here”

“here? of course i will. i do all the time” you laughed

“no.. i meant *here*” changbin patted his lap with a inviting smile, an offer you couldn’t pass.

you laid on his lap, changbin massaging your hair with your fingers. “mmm.. that feels so nice” you whispered as your eyes started to drift asleep. without noticing your fingers started to intertwine with changbins, a smile arising upon his face.

you couldn’t tell, however changbin sat there with you on his lap smiling.

“CHAN!! HURRY UP KAO IS PROBABLY DYING” jisung yelled as he ran down the hallway. the door was kicked upon revealing a panting jisung with a cup of water and a few seconds chan followed behind him.

chans lips formed an “O” as he saw the two of you on the couch.

“we’re just gonna leave you two...”

your eyes opened a little to see jisung and chan walk away, “thank you for the water guys” you whispered, which jisung was able to pick up.

“no problem kao!!” he replied before running off with chan.

you heard the door close, and your eyes shut before falling asleep on changbin’s lap. it’s only been day two since you two actually met, but it felt like eternity.

a sudden comfort in his touch as he brushed his hands through your hair. you couldn’t miss the opportunity of actual sleep, you thought to yourself. and it seemed like with changbin here; allowing you to sleep on his lap, massaging your scalp. it seemed like changbin being by your side was the reason you were even getting any.

your possible conclusions as to how the song finished last night were endless, but the question still remained: who made the bridge?

#till all the stars align #seo changbin #seo changbin x reader #changbin x reader #bye i love changbin #seo changbin smut #stray kids changbin #stray kids smut #changbin smut #seo changbin loving hours #seo changbin soft hours #seo changbin hard hours #skz smut #skz fluff #changbin fluff #skz imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines

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phoenixfangs · 4 years

Text

i got rlly butthurt abt that starlight comment so i went to that persons blog and the posts they reblogged abt mlp r full of cold takes so i went on an incoherent rant detailing y those ideas r wrong. rant under the cut, its v long and probably hard to read bc of my typing style// maybe ill come back and properly format it later

cold take 1: starlight couldve been a better character

no she couldnt unless we downplay her crimes or change her entire design. i dont care what her reason 4 forming a cult was, whether it be the stupid canon reason that her friend hit puberty and moved, or the stupid fanon idea that she never got a cutie mark and is resentful (i rlly hate this idea) LITERALLy if u want her to be a better character then dont redeem her. dont try to write a season-long arc of her trying to earn forgiveness from the village ponies bc her actions r beyond forgiveness. lets call a spade a spade: shes a monster who mutilated their bodies, minds, and hearts 4 her own stupid philosophy that she doesnt even believe in, and we dont even KNOW how long she was doing that or when the village was established. those ponies could have been in that cult 4 YEARS as far as we know--night glider herself admitted that the village was her home and that she couldnt/didnt want to move when given the chance, bc where else could she go? where else could any of them have gone? they explicitly say starlight targeted them bc they were vulnerable, or smthn to that effect. would YOU have a story abt a crazy abuser going back to their victims after who even knows how long of abusing them, and writing it so even one of them 4gives the abuser? would u write a story where the victims of jonestown 4gave jim jones? u wouldnt bc i expect u have at least 2 brain cells, and if u wouldnt, then i would hope u wouldnt like the idea of redeeming starlight at all, too. at this point in the series life, where weve seen all the redemptions and whos gotten them, i dont care abt the nuances of 4giveness, bc the writers and fans clearly dont when they have poor ideas and lack the skills to properly execute them. abusers and bullies dont deserve 4giveness, tyrants and fascists dont deserve 4giveness, terrorists dont deserve 4giveness, and the fact that diamond tiara, stygian, starlight glimmer, and tempest shadow ALL were anywhere between bullies or literal fucking terrorists, and they ALL got to be 4given and redeemed, while characters who have done way less heinous things (trixie and the flim flam brothers) r still treated with suspicion and distance by the main characters, is fucking disgusting to me. the only one ill give leeway to is diamond tiara bc even tho she was horrible to the cmc, she is just a kid and its possible to step back from bullying when ur that young. it rlly rlly isnt easy or possible to step back from mindfucking and mutilating an entire village of ponies bc ur bitter and entitled

cold take 2: cutie marks make no sense

less of a cold take and more of a gripe i have, bc they make perfectly fine sense to me. a cutie mark doesnt determine shit, its literally just a physical manifestation of what ur good at. rarity is good at finding gems, but her job isnt geology, its tailoring. rainbow dash is good at racing and being fast, but her job isnt initially stunt flying/racing with the wonderbolts, its weather duty in ponyville. in the later seasons when they start talking abt cutie marks being ur Destiny is when i admittidly start to get a little annoyed bc i dont personally believe in destiny or teaching kids that there is a predetermined path, but even still, u dont randomly get a cutie mark that determines what ur destiny is, u get a cutie mark that REFLECTS what ur desitny is. so no, a pony wouldnt get a random cutie mark of a computer 20 years b4 computers become available at home, AND THEN they discover thats what theyre talent/destiny is. cutie marks cant predict the future, theyre reactive to the individual. i dont understand how this is a confusing concept, even with the stupid destiny stuff thrown in

cold take 3: slice of life is the funniest episode of the series

no it fucking isnt JESUS the last roundup is the funniest episode, not bc of derpy, but bc of pinkie and raritys interactions. "rarity catch me" busts me up every fuckin time, as well as when pinkie and rarity r on the little handcar (hoofcar?) at the end and pinkie wont shut up and raritys like "when i get back, ur gonna GET IT rainbow dash". slice of life is a bunch of nothing and, wouldnt u know it, the best parts of the episode r the parts that include characters we actually KNOW (celestia and luna arguing over gifts, matildas anxieties, cadence consoling a crying shining armor at the wedding). even discounting the fact that the target demographic--kids, yknow, children and preteens--likely dont have forum accounts or the time/energy to scroll through those forums and wikis and blogs to understand all the inside jokes of the episode, its boring and kind of annoying if ur as disillusioned with the fandom as many ppl r, including myself. also lyra and bonbon werent confirmed stop projecting and giving praise where none is due. coy looks and 'best friends' sentiments dont mean shit, say explicitly that theyre girlfriends or wives and then give me a call

#mine #sigh. can u tell im bored at work lmao #also its fine to like starlight or any poorly written character #but dont make headcanons 4 that character and then praise the writers 4 the potential #ur giving them praise 4 work u did 4 them

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holylulusworld · 6 years

Text

The morning after - Part 1

Summary: Reader wakes up next to the Winchesters…naked. Like always - after the fun there will be consequences.

Pairing: Dean x Reader x Sam, Castiel

Warnings: language, implied smut, smut (flashbacks), unplanned pregnancy (wrap it kiddos!), angst, sad reader, jealous reader (a bit)

The morning after Masterlist

Waking up your head feels like it got hit with a baseball bat. Your mouth tastes like whiskey mixed with the taste of someone else’s tongue.

Flinching you realize you’re completely naked and your whole body feels exhausted.

Turning around you see someone lying next to you…naked. God what did you do last night?

Trying to figure out who lies next to you, you tilt your head. Oh god…Sam…Sam is laying next to you…a naked Sam.

Ashamed you turn around only to see Dean on the other side of the bed…naked too.

Fucking shit what did you do last night? According to your soreness and exhaustion you assume you had sex … with both men.

Hiding your face in the palms of your hands you try to calm down. Your mind is racing and your head is spinning. God how did you end up in bed with your hunting partners?

The hunt…whiskey…a lot of whiskey. Trying to focus what happened last night you close your eyes.

You drank with the boys and then you played... oh fuck Dean suggested strip poker. You remember Dean won; of course he won that little fucker.

You were left in your underwear. You remember kissing Sam to at least keep your panties…

You remember Dean kissing down your spine…then…nothing…blank…

Fuck what did you do? Groaning you take a deep breathe … Maybe you didn’t fuck them?

But the sticky feeling between your thighs tells another story…oh god you didn’t use protection? Shit, shit…you’re on birth control…but shit!

Wait did you take your pill yesterday? Oh god, did you?

Whining you try to remember but all you can remember is Sam eating you out…fuck he was good at it! Focus, Y/N, goddamn focus!

But the next thing you remember is Dean switching places with Sam and shit his cock … fuck … so deep inside of you. Groaning he fucked you into the mattress.

Focus…did you take your pill? But your mind is busy showing you Dean and you moving in sync while Sam is watching and shit you came so hard and then…no, no…then you fucked Sam too. Awesome!

He was even bigger and rough…shit Sammy was rough. You never thought he would … fucking shit focus! Did you take your pill?

Whining you try to remember anything useful, but all you can see is Sam and Dean fucking you in the best way possible.

“God what did I do? Fuck!” You mutter.

“Correct Sweetheart!” Dean chuckles.

“Dude! Not so loud!” Sam groans.

“What did we do?” You whisper.

“We had fun last night.” Dean answers.

“Dean we crossed a line!” You mutter.

“Sorry but you were so hot and half naked…” Sam groans kissing your shoulder.

“I think I need a shower.”

“All three of us.” Dean chuckles wiggling his eyebrow.

“Not a chance, I can’t remember much but I’m beyond sore.” You scold.

“What a pity. Maybe we should make you remember?” Dean groans before kissing you roughly.

“Did one of you use protection?” You ask.

“Shit…not.” Sam stammers. “Dean?”

“Fuck…no…we were too busy…shit. Birth control?”

“I’m on pill but I can’t remember if I took it yesterday.”

“Wait you swallowed a pill before we drank whiskey.” Sam says and you sigh relieved.

“Thank Chuck!”

“So shower all three of us?” Dean insists.

“Dean I’m sore and maybe we shouldn’t do this again…” You whisper.

“But you had fun too.” Sam whines.

“I barely remember the fun! I was beyond drunk…”

“You said you want us … both.” Dean insists.

“I can’t remember.” You lie.

Jumping out of the bed you almost run into the shower.

“Do you think she regrets last night?” Sam asks sad.

“No, she lied. Can see through he façade. She’s a bit ashamed I guess.”

2 weeks later

Watching the boys flirting with another chick you feel anger boiling up your stomach. They fucked you and told you you’re something special and now they… well after the fight the morning after you guess Sam and Dean aren’t interested any longer.

Sighing you watch them until…oh god…Why is your stomach rumbling? …shit… Running into the restrooms you say goodbye to your dinner. What’s wrong with you?

Since over a week you feel exhausted, your stomach rumbles and…oh no…god, please no.

Leaving the bar you storm toward your car. There was a drugstore nearby the motel.

After buying a pregnancy test you drove back to the motel. Starring at the positive test in your hand you start crying. Sitting on the bathroom floor you don’t know what to do.

“No, no.” You sob.

“Hey, what’s up Y/N?” Sam asks concerned. You didn’t realize they came back too.

Sobbing you show him the positive pregnancy test.

“You’re pregnant?”

Nodding you start crying. “Don’t cry, maybe it’s wrong.” Sam tries to sooth you.

“Hey, whoa what did you do Sammy?” Dean grunts.

“She’s pregnant.”

“Baby, don’t cry. Does the father know?” Sam asks.

“What? I don’t know who the father is!” You yell.

“So many guys?” Sam asks again.

“No! Only you two in the last two years. I didn’t have sex with someone else! How can you think … I’m not a whore!” You sob.

“I thought you’re on birth control.” Sam says.

“I am and you said I took my pill.”

“You see…I’m not sure.” He stammers now and Dean eyes widen.

“But you said you saw me taking my pill! If I would’ve known I could’ve taking plan B!” You yell at Sam.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t want to kill the mood, so I lied.” Sam admits.

“Great! Now I’m pregnant and got no clue who knocked me up!” You grunt. Starting to cry again you can’t stop the tears from falling down. Honestly you always wanted a baby, but not like that.

“Hey, we’re going to fix this.” Dean tries to sooth you.

“Fix? A baby ain’t a car!” You grunt.

“Do you want to keep it?” Sam asks softly.

“I don’t know…” Sniffing you wipe away the tears. You already made your decision seeing the two blue stripes.

“You want to keep it - right?” Dean says smiling.

Humming you look at the test again. “Don’t worry I’ll leave the bunker. Still got my old hut.” You whisper.

“You won’t leave pregnant with my baby.” Sam orders.

“Minutes ago you thought I fucked so many guys that I don’t know who the father is.” You snap at him.

“Hey Sammy didn’t mean it that way. Let’s bring you home. Castiel can check the baby and we make an appointment for an ultrasound.” Dean whispers. Picking you up he carefully places you on the bed.

“I should leave. You two don’t want a baby with a one night stand.” You whisper.

“How dare you calling the mother of our child a one night stand!” Sam scolds.

“But that’s the truth. You were head over heels for the chick at the bar. I was just an easy lay for one night, nothing more.”

“We weren’t head over heels. She was a vamp. Killed her outside the bar.” Dean explains.

“Oh…” Casting your look down you play nervously with your fingers.

“Let’s drive back to the bunker and Cas checks on you. Tomorrow we’ll make an appointment for you to see a doctor.” Sam says softly.

“Okay…”

Smiling Sam picks you up to carry you toward the Impala. “I can walk Sam.” You scold.

“No, you didn’t feel well.” Placing you into the backseat Sam sits next to you.

“Lay in my lap, I’ll stroke your back. I read that this can help a pregnant woman relax.”

“You read an article about pregnant women?” You ask giggling.

“Always be prepared.” Sam states.

“Not always…”

“Sorry, this is all Dean’s and my fault. We were too hot and bothered … too eager to finally be with you to think straight.”

“I decided to drink so much and if I remember right I kissed you first…well to keep my panties.”

“But in the end you lost your panties too.” Dean says chuckling.

“Not funny Dean.”

“Come one Y/N it was funny. Now I’ll drive us back and then we make you feel comfortable. But first Cas will check on you.” Starting the engine Dean looks in the rear view mirror at you smiling.

“We don’t know who the father is.” You whisper.

“Doesn’t matter. We are the father, both of us. So don’t worry, we’ll take care of you and our baby.” Dean states not excepting any argument.

Back at the bunker Dean drags Cas out of his room to check on you.

“Cas please check on Y/N she’s pregnant from one of us.” Dean pleas.

Smiling Castiel touches your belly. Closing his eyes his features darken.

“We’ve got a problem. There are two babies. Y/N is pregnant with a new vessel for Michael…” At this words Dean starts smiling and Sam sighs disappointed.

“…and a new vessel for Lucifer.” Castiel ends his sentence concerned.

Sam looks at your stunned form, hugging you tight he can’t stop smiling. You’re going to have his baby and well Dean’s, but you’re going to have a baby with him.

“Oh god…two babies?” You whisper scared.

“Shhh…we’re going to make this work.” Dean tries to sooth you. Gently stroking your back he locks eyes with Sam. Nodding Sam let go of you so Dean can hold you tight.

“How can Y/N be pregnant from both of you?” Castiel asks confused.

“Well…we…had sex together.” Sam blurs out.

“Oh…I see.” Turning crimson Cas casts his look down. “We need to keep her safe. Not just the demons will be after her, the angels too.”

“She’s our girl, the mother of our children. We’ll make sure she’s safe.” Dean states holding you even tighter.

“We kill everyone who tries to come close to her.” Sam adds. Kissing the crown of your head he smiles again.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just leave…”

“No.” Dean says tighten his embrace.

“But we only had sex as we were drunk!” You insist.

“I wasn’t drunk and Sammy only had half a whiskey. We just…we know we shouldn’t have taken advantage of your drunken state but we always wanted you.” Dean rasps.

“Oh…you wanted me?”

“Always…we just agreed you’re off limits, but when you kissed Sammy and then me we couldn’t resist any longer.”

“Do you want to do it again?” You ask biting your lip.

“God, yes.” Sam groans behind you.

“Then we should do it sober this time as I want to remember every detail...”

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18

#SPN #spn fanfic #winchesters one shots #sam winchester #dean winchester #dean x reader #sam x reader #dean x reader x sam #sam x reader x dean #implied smut #smut #pregnant reader #castiel #unplanned pregnany #fluff #angst #the morning after masterlist

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sp4c3-0ddity · 6 years

Text

Jumpstart Your Heart

it feels like it’s been a while right?? well, it’s been raining for a few days every week for about a month, so take ~4400 words of post-canon fluff (where Allura lived though it doesn’t really matter tbh). enjoy!!

Pidge’s car refuses to start.

Fat raindrops steadily pelt her windshield, the lights in the Target parking lot blurring through the streaks of water on the glass. The chill of the winter air fills the interior, her breath misting out in front of her, and when she turns her key in the ignition, all she gets is a stuttering choking sound.

Pidge growls as her forehead falls against the steering wheel. All she wanted from Target was a jar of peanut butter and a bottle of orange juice for tomorrow’s breakfast, but all she got was stranded.

(Well, and the peanut butter and juice; those, along with a bag of cherry-flavored licorice that looked really good on the shelf but tasted awful the instant she tore apart the first strip, lay safely inside a paper grocery bag on the backseat.)

This is fine though! She was a Defender of the Universe - she was in worse situations before launching into space in a blue, lion-shaped weapon of mass destruction. What’s a little car trouble to a Paladin of Voltron?

Pidge drums her fingers on the steering wheel, thinking…she has a jumper cable in the trunk, right? Or, no, she let Hunk borrow it last time he was on Earth and forgot to ask for it back. Maybe another total stranger in the parking lot would have one - and a working car battery - and be willing to help her out? If they need convincing, she can even put on the old gremlin Pidge voice for them.

What drained her battery anyway? It’s not like she has to worry about leaving her headlights turned on when they’re supposed to turn off automatically!

Wait, when was the last time she had the battery changed?

“Quiznak,” Pidge grumbles when she realizes she’s never changed the battery. She spends all day - and sometimes night - designing some of the most advanced ships and weaponry in the universe, but her own damn car still has the battery she bought it with.

She’s going to have to call for help.

Right as the thought crosses her mind, her phone vibrates in her jacket pocket. She fumbles for it with stiff, cold fingers, expecting it to be her mother wondering if she’s home yet (never mind that she moved out of her parents’ house and into her own Garrison-issued apartment almost a year ago) only to be greeted with an alert from the weather service.

A flash flood warning for her county of residence.

“This is fine,” Pidge tells herself despite her heart skipping a beat in alarm. She’s never seen it rain this hard and for so long in this corner of Arizona; is a tsunami of muddy water about to wash across the Target parking lot and sweep her and her traitorous car away while she deliberates?

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she mumbles, scowling at her rain-streaked reflection in the window. “Tsunamis occur as a result of earthquakes, and I’m nowhere near the coast.”

But what if the dam on the river—

Pidge unlocks her phone and dials the first number on her “recent calls” list without glancing at the contact name. Her leg shakes, but she can’t tell if it’s from agitation or the shivers occasionally gripping her.

“Pidge!” Lance greets her cheerfully at the other end. “How’s it going? Not that I’m not happy to hear from you, but since when do you—”

“Lance,” she cuts himself off, “do you have a jumper cable?” Usually speaking to him on the phone leaves her a tad breathless and her palms so slick with sweat she risks dropping anything she’s holding - why does a simple phone call feel so intimate anyway? It’s weird; she calls her parents and brother on the phone all the time! - but now urgency steadies her voice.

“Right to the point, huh?” Lance muses with a chuckle. “Where are you?”

“Uh…the Target by the state highway two miles off-base,” Pidge tells him.

Lance laughs and wonders, “The peanut butter at the commissary not good enough for you?”

Her face warms - is she really that predictable? - but she muffles an irritated groan with her sleeve. “The commissary’s not open this late.”

“Yeah, I guess you could’ve just walked there too,” he adds.

“In the rain?” Pidge snorts. “I’m not crazy enough to risk pneumonia like you.”

“Hey, sometimes I like the simple things,” Lance says, “and one of those is walking around in the rain.”

As if on cue, the downpour becomes a torrent, the sky dumping buckets of water on her car where she sits huddling in the driver’s seat. “Oh, really?” Pidge retorts, rolling her eyes. “You’d better not walk here unless you want me to use your quintessence as if it’s a thirteen-volt battery.”

“Please, I know you need another car to jumpstart your battery,” Lance says. “And since you asked so nicely, I’ll even bring you my umbrella since I’m guessing you didn’t bother with yours when you left.”

Pidge slumps in her seat, tugging her hood over her face as if he’s there to witness her embarrassment when she admits, “That would be…nice.”

(Too bad an umbrella won’t keep puddles from soaking into her socks.)

“All right, hang tight, Pidge!” Lance says. “I’m already in my car, so I’ll be there in a bit.”

Huh, so some of the rain she hears is on his end. “I’ll be here,” Pidge mumbles, “waiting for you…as usual.”

“Hey, don’t be like that!” he says over the rumbling of his car’s engine. “Your knight-in-shining-armor - your very own Sir Lancelot - is on his way to rescue you!”

“Great!” Pidge says with false cheer. Sure, Lance is coming to get her, but she’s still stranded in the rain after the weather service broadcast a flash flood warning to her phone. “Just don’t die because you’re talking on your phone while driving in the dark during a storm.”

“If the Galra and a bunch of other crazy aliens couldn’t kill me, this won’t.”

Pidge runs her fingers through her rain-soaked ponytail and grumbles, “It better not, so please put your phone away and concentrate on driving.”

“All right, fine,” Lance says, and she can almost hear him rolling his eyes. “I thought you found the sound of my voice soothing or something…”

Ah, right, she told him that a few nights ago when she made the mistake of calling him after a nightmare kept her from falling back to sleep.

"It's not like I'm about to have a panic attack now," Pidge bites.

"You sure you're okay, Pidge?"

The concern in his voice...startles her; is he worried a tsunami will wash her away too?

Well, she already decided that fear is completely irrational, so she forces a smile onto her face and says, "I'm fine now that I know you're on your way, Lance."

"Uh—" He breaks off with a cough before he falls silent, the only sound coming from her phone the low hum of his car's radio.

"Lance?" Pidge prompts. "Are you—"

"Fine!" Lance exclaims brightly. "Great since my car still has a working battery! I'll be there in ten minutes, so see you, Pidge!"

He hangs up without giving her the chance to reply.

Pidge, not a little confused, stares at her phone's screen until it darkens, her brow furrowed. She's known Lance for the better part of a decade, but his behavior can still be such a mystery to her, especially of late. It’s almost as if he l—

Maybe she should just take the direct approach and ask him if anything's eating at him.

Luckily Lance doesn't leave her with enough time to really puzzle over it. His car's headlights flash obnoxiously - the jerk has his high-beams on! - through her windshield as he pulls into the parking spot in front of hers. A heartbeat later the driver's door swings open and Lance steps out, opening a Sailor Moon umbrella.

(She makes a mental note to ask - or tease - him about it later, and she won't take "It's my niece's" for an answer.)

He raises a hand and waves, his face barely discernible through the water splattered on her windshield, but she opens her door when he rounds his car.

The sound of the rain was muffled with her ensconced insider her car, but now it hammers down, pattering against Lance's umbrella and hitting her face as she turns to him.

"Hope you didn't miss me too much," Lance says, voice louder than usual to make himself heard over the rain.

Pidge raises an eyebrow and points out, "I saw you at work on Thursday." Never mind that something in her chest loosens at the sight of the smile - warmer than this quiznaking miserable weather - curling his lips...

"And yet you were desperate enough to drain your battery just for an excuse to call me for help." Lance's smile morphs into a smirk that has the unfortunate side effect of both irritating and endearing her.

Pidge snorts and mutters, "As if I need an excuse." She presses the button to pop her hood open before turning back to Lance. "Where's the jumper cable?"

Lance jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "In my trunk. Just wanted to make sure you were okay first." His gaze drifts over her, making her skin crawl with heat, but then he assesses, "You look a little cold."

Pidge rubs her arms, his comment reminding her of her trembling. "No k-kidding, so can we hurry up and jumpstart my car?"

"Okay, okay." Lance raises the hand not holding onto his umbrella defensively. "I forgot how bossy you are."

"I'm not bossy!" she retorts, but by then he's already retreated to his car, the rain covering up the sound of her voice.

But not the sound of his feet splashing through puddles.

Pidge sighs. What are the odds Lance knows how to jumpstart a car? Will he know on which terminal the black clamp goes? Will she need to show him?

Lance is a pilot; of course he knows how to do something so simple as jumpstarting a car, especially if he owns a jumper cable! But Pidge should step outside and hover near him...just in case.

Pidge winces the instant water soaks into her shoes - she should've worn boots rather than sneakers - but follows Lance to the front of her car. His umbrella handle is tucked awkwardly under his arm while he works on attaching the clamps of the jumper cable to her car's battery, his brow furrowed rather sweetly in concentration, at least until Pidge takes the umbrella.

He glances up in surprise, turning to her with wide eyes before a slow grin stretches over his lips. "For a tick I thought you were going to make me do this alone."

"Maybe if it wasn't raining," Pidge teases. She raises the umbrella over both their heads, huddling under its poor approximation of shelter.

(Lance is a better source of warmth anyway.)

Lance attaches a red clamp to the positive terminal on her car's battery and the black clamp to something metal. She trails after him to his car but can't help wondering, "You shut the ignition off, right?"

Lance frowns at her. "Can't you see the engine isn't on, Pidge?"

She smiles sheepishly and says, "Yes, now that you point it out."

"Then quit micromanaging me."

She shivers as he attaches the remaining two clamps to his car's battery, rain soaking into her clothes despite her efforts to stay under the umbrella. Her cold fingers loosen around the handle, too stiff to hold on properly, and she can't help a relieved shudder when Lance tells her it's time.

Her engine roars into life, a gleeful laugh escaping her when Lance whoops over the sound of two engines and the rain. "Perfect," she mumbles. "Now to let it charge for a few minutes..."

Her engine shudders and dies.

"What?" Pidge exclaims, her heart jumping into her throat. She smacks the steering wheel - as if that'll do any good - and groans, "No..."

A tapping on her window makes her jump, and she opens her door to Lance, sans Sailor Moon umbrella with his hood pulled over his head. "Didn't last, huh?" he observes regretfully.

Pidge shakes her head, slouching. "I'll have to buy a new battery in the morning," she says, "and..." She bites her lip before wondering, "Can you give me a ride home?"

Lance meets her eyes before he smiles and says, "I'll do you one better. You can spend the night at my place, and in the morning I'll take you to buy the battery before bringing you back here."

Pidge's jaw drops, but when she recovers - though her cheeks still feel hot enough to warm the interior of her car if only all the doors were closed - she says, "Lance, you don't have to do that. I can call my dad tomorrow and—"

"So you'll make me drive twice more in the rain?" Lance says, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow - which, frankly, looks absurd with his hair plastered to his head and water dripping down his face. "And one of those times without you to supervise me and make sure I don't commit some atrocity like texting while driving?"

Pidge throws up her hands and asks, "What are you, a teenager who just got his license?"

"Nope." Lance leans down, close enough to her level she can imagine the warmth of his breath touching her forehead. "Just a concerned friend who wants to do you a favor."

"Do you...owe me something?" Pidge wonders suspiciously.

"Come on, Pidge!" Lance rests his hands on her shoulders and shakes her slightly. "Let's have a sleepover like we used to on the Castle! You'll get warm and dry and be able to fall asleep to the sound of my oh-so-soothing voice if you want"—is he...blushing?—"and I'll even feed you. I might even have some hot chocolate mix and bread for you to slap some of that peanut butter onto if you want."

"But...I need pajamas," Pidge protests, though she knows she's already fighting a losing battle. "And a toothbrush—"

"I have an unused one," Lance says with a dismissive wave of his hand, "and I'll lend you something to sleep in. So...what do you say?"

Pidge's jaw flaps uselessly, taking in his hopeful expression and wondering if she can really make an objective decision about this with her heart hammering - does she really want to spend the night with Lance? - and with his obviously faked guilt trip.

"Fine," Pidge grumbles. Lance grins so brightly, his fist pumping, that she can't help a smile of her own.

But that doesn't stop her from warning him, "On one condition: I am not sharing my peanut butter with you."

Lance's car hydroplanes twice on the way to his apartment complex a few blocks from Garrison premises. Pidge holds tight to her seat belt, her heart bouncing in her chest until tires touch wet asphalt again.

Both times, she turns to Lance and socks his shoulder before saying, "Quit trying to kill us!"

Both times, he screeches in indignation and rubs his shoulder before retorting, "Quit trying to kill me!"

Both times, she retorts, "I barely hit you!"

And both times, he snorts before rolling his eyes and smiling with a fondness that makes her heart skip a beat for a reason that has little to do with fear that he'll skid off a cliff or into an overflowing canal.

"Relax!" Lance says after the second time. "I've got this, Pidge. I've driven in the middle of a hurricane before, so this is nothing."

Pidge crosses her arms. "You do know I have your mom's contact information and I can literally call her to fact check that claim?"

Lance laughs but presses a hand to his chest. "Oh, Pidge, you wound me by not trusting your old war comrade's words." When she continues to stare at him with her lips pressed together, utterly unimpressed, he scratches his ear sheepishly and confesses, "Fine, it was just a dying tropical storm, but come on!" He gestures broadly and adds, "We've been in the middle of space dogfights, so this really is nothing."

Pidge, in the end, can't fight her smile at the reminder - for all the misery that all caused her and her family and her planet - but she turns to the rain-streaked passenger window to hide it. "Just keep both hands on the steering wheel," she mumbles.

"As you wish, my dear Pidge," Lance says almost snidely, and she's pleased when he actually listens.

His apartment is familiar - she's visited many times by day or dry evening to play video games or watch a movie while eating takeout from that bizarre "Earth-alien" fusion place on the corner - but the walk from Lance's assigned parking spot to the door on the second floor deck feels long in the downpour.

Before Pidge can open the passenger door, Lance's hand on her arm freezes her. "Wait," he says. "I'll come around with the umbrella so you don't get too wet."

"You don't have to—" But his door shuts behind him, and Pidge barely sets foot outside - right in a puddle that soaks into her sneakers and the hems of her poor leggings - when he's there to greet her.

"By the way," Pidge says as he raises the umbrella over both their heads and she unthinkingly loops her arm through his, "what's with the Sailor Moon?"

Lance flushes, but he hides it well by reaching around her to grab her grocery bag and shove it into her free arm. "It's my, uh, niece's."

Pidge smirks. "I knew you'd say that."

"Let's just go inside," he grumbles.

They hightail it, running awkwardly standing close together under the umbrella before they give up on it and sprint full tilt, splashing through puddles with raindrops hitting her face and soaking into her hair when her hood flies off her head.

Pidge storms up the stairs ahead of Lance, and when her foot nearly slips out from under her, her breath escaping her in shock, he catches her around the waist. But she doesn't pause to consider the imprint of his touch on her, and by the time he unlocks his door and they pile into the warmth of his apartment, Pidge is shivering too violently to do much more than stand in her soaked clothes and tremble.

Lance shucking off his own wet jacket is enough to get her to move. She tugs hers off, handing it to him to hang on a hook from the shower rod in the bathroom, before kicking off her sneakers and peeling off her disgustingly wet socks and sinking her toes into the warm carpet in front of a vent blasting hot air.

Pidge shudders in relief, squatting in front of it as she combs her fingers through her sodden ponytail. She'll have to do something about all the tangles now too...

Lance clears his throat behind her, and she stands to see him handing her a towel and a set of old clothes. "You can, uh, change in the bathroom. I'll be in...the bedroom...changing my own clothes."

"Right." Pidge watches him retreat, his back to her while she admires the way his soaked shirt clings to his shoulders and shows off how the muscles in his back move.

And then he pauses in his bedroom doorway to glance over his shoulder, his eyes widening when they catch hers.

Heat rushes to her face when he turns back around and stretches his arms over his head with a groan before tugging off his shirt.

Pidge spins on her heel and buries her face in the towel he gave her. Did he do that because she was watching?

"Quiznak," she curses, her voice muffled in fabric.

Despite the chill she just escaped, Pidge splashes cold water onto her face once she's safely ensconced in the privacy of the bathroom. She's just here to spend the night, to accept the favor Lance offered her with no strings attached (for now), to maybe chat and play games with him before she catches a few hours of sleep on his surprisingly comfortable sofa.

No, she won't think about running her fingers through his damp hair or tracing the Blue Lion tattoo that peeks out of his shirt collar or feeling his breath warming her face or press her lips against his like she's wanted to do for years.

No, she won't think about damaging almost a decade of friendship for a kiss he might not want.

(But what if he...does?)

Pidge changes into the clothes Lance provided - an old, baggy t-shirt and a pair of soccer shorts with drawstrings she has to tie very securely - and brushes her teeth with a toothbrush she finds under the sink buried in a stockpile of beauty and hygiene products. She leaves her hair in its ponytail and figures it’ll be one problem to tackle in the morning.

She emerges from the bathroom and heads straight for the kitchen, intent on the snack she craved enough to leave her own apartment to drive to Target in the middle of a dreary winter storm. She locates a bag of bread in the fridge and pops two slices in the toaster before shrugging and helping herself to a Granny Smith apple. She cuts it up and dips the slices directly into the jar of peanut butter.

That’s how Lance finds her, sitting on the kitchen counter munching on apple slices and crunchy peanut butter right as the toaster disgorges her burnt toast.

Pidge offers him the jar. “Want some?”

Lance - looking comfortable in a bathrobe over his pajamas - stands across from her and raises an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t sharing with me.”

“I changed my mind out of the kindness of my heart,” she deadpans before her sarcasm fails and she flashes him a smile. She shakes the jar and nods at the toast. “Hope you don’t mind that it’s a little burnt?”

Lance laughs. “Lucky for you, I don’t.” He takes the slices - wincing and gasping “ah!” when they prove too hot - and drops them into a plate before grabbing a knife.

They share their snack quietly, with Lance leaning against the counter beside her. And when it’s a little too much - when his arm brushing against hers makes goosebumps rise across her skin - Pidge blurts, “Thank you.”

Lance turns to her, his eyes wide. “For…what?”

She bites her lip and stares at a fleck of peanut butter stuck to her middle finger. “For coming to get me in the middle of a storm and letting me spend the night even though I live literally ten minutes away.”

Lance smiles when she dares to glance at him. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t invite you over?”

“A…sane one, maybe.”

He snorts and walks off to wash his hands at the sink. “Good thing I’m crazy about you then.”

“Yes, good—” Pidge stares disbelievingly at the back of his head, her breath catching and heat flooding her and…yes, Lance’s ears are definitely turning red. Maybe she misheard her or just misinterpreted him. He can’t possibly have said what she thinks he did. “What?”

She holds her breath as Lance turns to face her, something intense but…familiar in his gaze, almost trapping her in place. Her heart pounds too quickly as he approaches her, one step at a time, every second dragging yet passing so fast when he stands right in front of her too soon.

“Lance,” she says, and she might’ve hated how breathy it sounds if he didn’t capture her lips in his the instant his name escaped them.

He pulls away too soon, barely giving her the chance to reciprocate, but the heat in his eyes and his body so close to hers and her own swirling thoughts and rising emotion make her slow to react, her tongue tied into knots.

Until Lance wonders in a low voice that sends a shiver up her spine, “What’re you thinking, Pidge?”

“How fitting it is that our first kiss tasted like peanut butter,” Pidge says, because for some reason that’s the first thing that popped into her head.

Lance’s jaw drops - obviously he wasn’t expecting that - but then he chuckles and asks, “Why?”

“Because I love peanut butter.” She rests her hands on his shoulders and tugs him closer until he stands between her knees within easy kissing distance.

She takes advantage of it immediately.

Pidge kisses Lance in the way she almost convinced herself she never would, hungrily, with her lips parted over his and her fingers gripping his robe. One of his hands cradles the back of her head, and the other sits on her knee, his finger only just brushing against the bare skin of her thigh under her borrowed shorts.

Her heart races as she tears away to gasp for breath before finally telling Lance, “But I love you more than peanut butter.”

“Oh, good!” exclaims Lance with a dazzling smile that she matches. But he clears his throat and flashes her a smirk. “I mean…my work here is done. I was starting to worry I’d have to break you two up.”

Pidge rolls her eyes but wraps her arms around his neck and laughs while he embraces her around the waist. She threads her fingers through his hair and listens to the sound of his steady breathing, shoving away the memory of a time she feared she’d never hear it again.

Lance shifts just enough to rest his forehead against hers. “Is there any way I can convince you to spend the night more often without sabotaging your car?” When Pidge’s eyes widen, he hurriedly adds, “Not that I did this time!”

Pidge giggles and says, “Maybe.”

His lips brush against hers as he murmurs, “Is ‘I love you too’ a good enough reason?”

Pidge’s chest is so warm she wonders how she almost froze in the rain barely an hour ago. She touches Lance’s cheek and says, “Help me replace my car’s battery. Then we’ll talk.”

#plance #pidgance #lidge #flirtyrobot #it's very late so i'll worry about proofreading in the morning #voltron #reem writes fic

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evecoffn · 5 years

Text

@ceffyldwr replied to your post: god i just HATE that the writers decided that...

like i understand it was a stockholm syndrome thing but it was ridiculous like it was so cruel and unnecessary and the fact that the writer admitted he just enjoys torturing hector like…dude your writing has gotten worse and worse and it’s sooo fucked and weird and frankly racist to do all the shit he’s done to hector like it wouldn’t fix it entirely if they hadn’t racebent him but the fact that they made him a MOC just for white women subjugate and sexually abuse him

ill honestly kill warren ellis myself

and exactly!!!!!!! it was just NOTHING. it was nothing but abuse and torture to NO END. hector had JUST come from being abused by carmilla, literally forced to walk behind her army BAREFOOT and you THINK hes gonna trust the other vampire just because she’s what????? PRETTY????

it wouldve been a MUCH better scenerio if hector resisted and resisted because thats what he SHOULD HAVE DONE. maybe if it was written better but even then.i couldve written a better hector storyline!!!!

#ceffyldwr

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avpdpunpun · 5 years

Text

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm.

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores.

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

#text #update #mostly tagging this for myself to read later if i ever start blogging frequently again

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reyloforcebalance · 6 years

Text

Bonded Chapter 32: Head and Heart

The newest chapter to my Reylo fanfic (rated T). If you want to check out the previous chapters, here’s the link to AO3!

“Wait…” Colonel Vaden leans over the table. “None of them went off?”

“None.” General Petrov sits back in his chair.

“But…” Colonel Russo turns to the General. “What about the explosion on the South side? Wasn’t that one of them?”

“No.” Petrov shakes his head. “That was just some of the scum trying to escape, blocking off our troops so they could weasel their way out of the mines.” He grunts. “We caught them halfway to the Silver, neutralized them.”

Vaden narrows his eyes.

“So…” He starts slowly. “What happened? They just malfunctioned? All of them?”

“Well, that’s the interesting part.” Petrov sits up now. “According to the explosives team, they were diffused.”

“Diffused?” Vaden cocks his head.

“That’s the report.”

“And it wasn’t them?” Russo scoots forward. “It wasn’t your team?”

“Definitely not.” Petrov turns his head. “The first thing they did when we cracked into the base was go straight into the mines. But by the time they got there…” He lifts a hand.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Russo looks down.

“Or maybe it does.” Petrov turns to the colonel.

“How?” Russo demands. “There was no one down there who could’ve done such a thing.”

“No one…?” The General raises an eyebrow.

Vaden scoffs.

“Are you suggesting…” He leans in with air of condescension. “That the slaves diffused the bombs?”

“Who else could it have been?”

“Really?” Russo grunts. “You think those gutter rats are even capable?”

“Maybe.” Petrov shrugs. “It’s the only explanation that makes sense.”

“But…” Vaden flits his head. “Even assuming they had the capability, how did they get it done so quickly? The mines are miles long, and they had no way of knowing we’d be here.”

“They had time.” The General waves a hand. “Especially since the explosives were rigged on a grid. Looks like the delay you ordered paid off, sir.” Petrov twists to the Supreme Leader.

He stands facing the console, unmasked, his back to the group.

But he doesn’t respond to the General.

He just stands there.

Listening…

“Well,” Russo lets out a sigh. “I suppose it’s possible. We would’ve drawn all the scum to the base this morning, cleared out the mines. Maybe that was all they needed. Who knows?” He purses his lips. “Maybe our benevolence to the slaves is starting to pay off…?”

“Or maybe they just heard about Kaller,” Vaden adds dryly.

“Either way,” Petrov sits up. “I think we’ve learned something today. These slaves…” He taps the table. “Could be useful to us as more than just a publicity stunt. I say we send out a team to the operational camp tomorrow, start questioning them, find out more about—”

“No.” The Supreme Leader turns abruptly. “We have more important matters to attend to.” He begins pacing the room.

“But, sir—”

“Vaden, I want you to start extraction on the East end.” Kylo ignores the General. “Stay away from the operational camp and away from the base.”

“Yes, sir.” The colonel nods. “The teams are ready; the equipment is here. We’ll start at first light.”

“Good.” Kylo continues pacing. “Russo, how long until the camp is ready for intake?”

The younger colonel sighs.

“Definitely not tomorrow.” He widens his eyes. “We barely finished set-up today. These slaves are very uncooperative. My troops had the worst time wrangling them. Half of them kept trying to wander off, refused to—”

“How long, colonel?”

Russo sits up, clearing his throat.

“Three days, sir. Assuming the slaves stay put and follow orders.”

“Make it two,” The Supreme Leader commands curtly.

Russo shrinks a bit.

“Petrov, what’s the latest intel on Ranc’s presence in the Silver?”

“Last I heard…” The General leans forward. “The gang’s headquarters took in only a few from the smaller bases, no more than a hundred. The rest of the scum are holed up in a canyon on the west side of the planet. Sources tell us they’ve got an armory there, but not a large one, nothing that could threaten us.”

“Is the canyon…” The Supreme Leader turns to the General. “Populated with civilians?”

Petrov purses his lips.

“I…” He starts slowly. “Think there are a few sand tribes nearby. But they stay clear of the armory. Ranc makes certain of that.”

“Good.” Kylo continues pacing. “Then I want you to bury them. Start with a round of aerial assaults in the morning.”

“With pleasure.” The General sits back with a smirk. “And the Silver?”

“Set up a perimeter around the headquarters,” he commands. “And be subtle about it. I don’t want Ranc catching on before we evacuate the city.”

“Yes, sir.” Petrov straightens. “I’ll send in a stealth unit at dawn. I can even send them tonight, if you like.”

“No.” The Supreme Leader stops in front of the console. “There’s only one more thing I want from you tonight. All of you.” He turns to face the men at the table.

They all look at him, ready and alert.

Kylo stares coolly for a moment.

“Get some sleep,” he says finally.

The men visibly relax.

“You’re dismissed.” He turns to the console. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Russo’s shoulders drop in relief.

“Yes, sir.”

The men scoot back from the table, rising and filing swiftly into the hall of the ship.

The door whirs shut behind them.

Kylo listens as their footsteps recede.

He stands, perfectly still, until he hears them fade away.

Then he snatches the comm at his belt, bringing it to his lips.

“What’s the word from 928-C?” He demands.

He lowers the device, waiting.

“He’s on his way, sir.” The response crackles in. “He’ll arrive at the shuttle in five minutes.”

Kylo lets out a long exhale, like he’s been holding it in all day.

“Clear the ship.” He commands into the comm. “I want everybody out before he gets here. Tell the guard to let Bonden and his guest in, then close the shuttle until morning.”

“Yes, sir.”

Kylo steps to the right console, setting the comm next to his mask. He pulls off his gloves, casting them on the counter, then turns to the meeting table.

He pulls out a chair, taking a seat slowly, a wave of exhaustion setting in as he does.

But the feeling doesn’t last long.

He sits up, swelling with anticipation, tempered only by a hint of uncertainty.

For a split second, the image flashes, the last time he saw Rey— her eyes pleading with his, tears streaming down her cheeks.

But he quickly buries the memory, banishing it to the edges of his mind, nothing left but a trace of regret.

He looks down, his jaw twitching.

He hates the way things ended last time he saw her. But it’s not an interaction he’s keen to dwell on.

So instead, he just wonders what she’ll be like when she sees him, reviewing the possibilities in his mind.

Will she be cold, keeping him at arm’s length?

Not likely, given what he knows about her.

At the very least, she’ll be on guard, her senses heightened.

She’ll take her cue from him.

He takes a deep breath.

It’s been driving him crazy all day, sensing her nearby, wondering, waiting…

He sits back with a sigh, shaking his head briskly, redirecting his thoughts to the only thing that can distract him.

Today was more than a success.

It was a turning point.

Petrov isn’t the only one convinced that the slaves diffused the bombs. He’s been overhearing talk all day— colonels, lieutenants, squad leaders— considering their treatment of the slaves as an investment, their best guard against this new trend of spiteful self-destruction.

He can’t wait for this kind of talk to get back to the Supremacy.

This should shut Hux up, or at least counter all his pissing and moaning about wasting resources.

He drums his fingers on the table.

Yes, today went very well.

The First Order suffered minimal casualties. The varium mines are theirs, practically untouched.

And he must admit… Rey’s team did good work. He never imagined they’d diffuse all the bombs on top of getting the slaves out unharmed.

Things seem to have gone smoothly for them. Most everyone was out of the mines by the end of the battle, and she didn’t run into trouble that affected her vitals. He’s been monitoring them closely the past few days, trying not to think about her stuck underground, surrounded by cutthroats.

She can handle herself. He just needs to keep remembering that.

He was careful to modify the protocol on her tracker, just for the day, keep it from getting picked up by troopers. He can’t have them wondering why a slave is on the First Order’s no kill/ no injury list…

Yes, everything worked out perfectly.

He leans back in his chair, swelling with satisfaction.

This is it. The first step.

Rey’s ascending, whether she realizes it or not, ascending to the position she was meant to fill.

A few more of these invasions and she’ll start to see, to recognize the opportunity that lies before her, all she could do with the resources of the First Order at her back.

She’ll start to see what the First Order really is, all it could become with her at his side.

He’ll need to encourage her, listen to her, get her input on improvements— how to make things smoother, faster, better.

And the more they work together, the more she gets a taste of true power—

Suddenly, his thoughts grind to a halt.

He sits up, his senses heightened.

The next instant, he shoots out of his chair, striding to his comm.

“928-C has arrived, sir.”

The announcement comes in just as he snatches the device.

“Let him in.”

He sets the comm on the counter, surging with anticipation.

He turns to the door, clasping his hands behind him.

A minute later, he hears footsteps ascending the ship, followed shortly by the loading ramp closing with a clang.

The sound of chatter wafts down the hall. As the footsteps get closer, he starts to make out the words…

“You’re kidding?” Sylas is saying.

“Nope.” Rey sounds sure of herself, as per usual. “We got out of there in less than a week, took about thirty with us.”

“No way.” He pictures Sylas shaking his head. “No one gets out of the spice mines on Kessel. No one.”

“If you don’t believe me, I’d be happy to introduce you to some of the rescues. They’ll tell you all about it.”

They stop in front of the door.

“Yeah, sure,” Sylas says wryly. “I’ll just drop by a Resistance base, let you show me around.”

“You’re welcome any time.”

Sylas grunts.

The comm crackles as he activates it.

“This is Sylas Bonden with uh…” He pauses. “A delivery?”

Kylo shakes his head.

He leans over, pressing a panel by the console.

The door whirs open.

Sylas snaps to attention, his arms going rigid at his sides.

“Sir,” he greets. “Permission to—”

“Granted.”

Sylas nods, then steps into the room.

Rey follows close behind, draped in a brown cloak, lowering the hood as she enters.

“I, uh…” Sylas points to Rey. “Found her.”

“I can see that,” Kylo says evenly. “Did you have any trouble?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It was easy. We got stopped by some troopers but Rey just…” He purses his lips. “Kinda…” He squints. “Convinced them to leave us alone.” He waves a hand mysteriously.

Kylo glances at Rey.

She shrugs.

“Good.” He steps forward. “Sylas, you’re done for the day.”

“Are you sure?” He tilts his head. “Because I can still do stuff. I’m not at all tired.” He stifles a yawn as he says this.

Kylo grunts.

“Sylas.” He walks over to him. “Go to bed.” He takes his arm, ushering him to the door.

“Well…” He sighs like he’s conceding. “I guess if you’re sure you don’t need me.”

“I need you…” Kylo takes him into the hall. “To get some sleep. The bunks are yours.” He points to the front of the ship. “Be up at 0600. You’re going back to Borosk in the morning.”

“Oh, good.” Sylas blinks sleepily. “I’ve still got a lot work to do with those pirates.”

“Worry about that tomorrow.” Kylo lifts a hand to his shoulder. “Right now, just focus on getting rest.”

“Ok.” Sylas nods. “I can do that.” He smiles. “Goodnight, sir.”

“Goodnight.” Kylo moves a hand to his back, pushing him forward.

Sylas makes his way down the hall, Kylo watching as he goes, waiting until he ducks into a room to the left.

Then he shifts to the conference center.

Rey’s standing next the meeting table, facing the back console, her cloak and pouch draped over a chair.

Kylo walks into the room, pressing a panel on the wall.

Rey turns at the sound of the door.

She tilts her head, studying him for a moment.

Then, a slow smile creeps across her lips.

The next instant, she lunges forward.

Kylo jerks back, barely reacting in time to catch her as she leaps into his arms, wrapping her legs around him.

She kisses him passionately, then pulls back with a huge grin, absolutely beaming.

“Was it not perfect?” She gushes. “Did everything not go exactly according to plan? Better even?”

Kylo gapes, caught off guard.

“Oh, come on!” Rey goads, dropping to the floor. “We diffused all the bombs. You have to be just slightly impressed, right?” She bounces a little, impatient for a response.

Kylo just stares, adjusting to the shock of the greeting.

Her face falls.

“Are you…?” She shifts a bit. “Are you still upset because—”

“NO,” he practically barks.

She flinches.

“Because…” She squints a little. “I’ve felt just awful since—”

“Rey.” He twitches. “Let’s just…” He takes a short breath. “Drop it. Ok?”

“Ok,” she whispers.

She presses her lips together, a little bruised.

Kylo softens.

He lifts hand to her face, grazing her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

She relaxes, a smile returning to her lips.

His fingers caress her skin, then drift to her chin, tilting it up as he descends.

He meets her with a kiss, a lingering one, reveling in the sensation, how just the touch of her sweeps everything away, like a good night’s sleep.

He pulls back, tracing the curve of her jaw.

“You…” He drops his hand. “Did excellent work today.”

Her face lights up.

“I know!” She bounces. “I mean, it really did go exactly the way we planned.”

He smiles, slipping his hands around her waist.

Read the rest on A03!

#reylo fanfic #reylo #reylofanfiction #reylo fanfiction #rey x kylo ren #rey x ben #rey star wars #kylo ren #ben solo #starwars #star wars #starwarsfanfiction #romance #romancefanfiction

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eagleslouis · 6 years

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No it's not an asshole move because their contracts were coming to an end. Why would Harry continue doing something because other people want it? What kind of idiot do you think he is? The only thing Louis carried were water and twitter fights. Legend! Harry is a better singer than Louis, he's better looking and he's classier. That is why he has a solo career and Louis is a judge on X factor. Get it? There's zero debate regarding Freddie's paternity. Babygate can't end because it doesn't exist.

this ask singlehandedly made me want to choke myself but uhh okay lets go piece by pieceIT STILL IS AN ASSHOLE MOVE. its fucking selfish. if he was suffering so fucking bad he literally couldve pulled a zayn before zayn did and left, especially since hes had the azoffs literally in his back pocket since 2013 (irving was literally named the most powerful person in the music industry in 2012, remember?). HE WOULDVE BEEN FINE. and 'doing what he wanted'!!! we know why though, right? he needed to keep his image squeaky fucking clean. even though it is all coming out now, probably didnt expect that one, harold. none of them planned a solo career and louis literally said he expected to be back in 18 months and once that hit and there was no contact, it was like, wow.. its really official. FUCK HARRY. and honestly? i think hes a huge idiot, we know this. he doesnt know who the fuck he is, the 1975? prince? david bowie? idk! is he a singer? an actor? whatever gives the most money i guess! and he doesnt know what the fuck hes talking about it, 'umm yeah i mean umm sott is kinda like about my response to blm and all that, you know? umm yeah just like.. shut up stop crying.' the kid was NOT meant for fame. he couldnt even answer a question without hesitating or having bad word choice, the boys literally teased him. damn, god forbid louis to interact with his band members in a fun way that engages his fans (during times that he didnt have to sing). hes such a dick. hes had fucking dumb scraps on twitter, who hasnt? afawk he did talk to zayn after jay said he should and i highly doubt either of them hold such a grudge for something said over social media. better for louis to actually use social media and admit it than to say he doesnt use it because he doesnt see the point (completely ignoring that when not on tour thats the only way to interact with fans) but then proceed to be liking posts on instagram nearly 24/7... like someone we know. now.. everyones entitled to their own smelly onions so i wont go too deep into this but uhhhh harry can stop straining his voice by fucking yelling in all his songs if he doesnt wanna lose it by 30. he can maybe pick like one fucking genre to stick with??? hes very gio from x factor, who louis coincidentally hated lol. i GUESS beauty is in the eye of beholder, even though harry is fucking ugly. they were right when they said his hair was always greasy, i dont know why everyone was pressed! also i think its pretty damn clear harrys cupcake image is all fucking fake now, hes not fucking classy at all lmao what are you on? real fucking classy move to write a song about an underage girl he met and probably fucked for one night without telling her but including her name so her dad could call her and say that he wrote a song about her :) real fucking classy to slut shame girls for how they dress in his songs but then again play it off that he has the utmost respect for women. too many more to say. his solo career is going well yeah i guess right? honestly a good move to pick tiny tiny venues so they would sell out quickly and people would pay attention to the time sold out versus the size. even though he did fuck over the fans with that whole ticket fiasco beforehand. i suppose!!!! my only criticism is i hope this next album is more cohesive :). dont exactly see whats so horrible about louis as a person regarding him doing x factor? he again went back to his roots and is helping people achieve their dreams which is something he said he would like to do anyway!!! i want his music so fucking bad (and we're getting it in like a month anyway hopefully) but i mean... ill be... patient. i dont think his solo career is normal so far at all lmao and its due to syco because other artists came out and said the same!!!! that they wouldnt let them release music or would give them NO promo. not the same situation at all for multiple reasons. harrys been planning a career w his best friend whose under guidance of his dad, one of the most powerful men in the industry whereas louis wasnt planning a career and is with a well known awful company. also i mean theres ton of debate about freddies paternity lol and if its real anyway, then there HAD TO BE A LOT MORE with the situation he wouldve been in. if 'babygate' will never end, the conspiracy will never end either so get used to it i guess.

#fuck you lol #i forgot my laptop so im just EXTRA annoyed that i had to reply to this on mobile #anonymous #ask

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superrrswag666 · 3 years

Text

after being together for not that quite a long time but also not that very short but cant say how many because idk just incase🤷‍♀️ i started having doubts:( i started doubting if we were really meant to be together because i always thought that she deserved better because she wasss sooo amazing and i always thought of myself as ugly and u know other stuff... ive always been insecure with myself and my depression and self hatred got the best of me and i stopped being idk a good gf to her??? i really wanted to be the best gf to her because she already was. and i started to think of things like how i shouldnt be loving someone else if i couldnt even love myself and i really dont know what she sees in me and how she could even love me. i really tried my best to be a really good girlfriend to her and i really reallyyy loved her with all of my heart. but she started getting even busier and i started to feel unloved but i always showed her my support and love. but my depression got even worst and i started to keep things to myself and i couldnt tell anyone the problems in my life and i dont think thats how relationships work and i dont think thats how relationships should even work. and because of my depression (now i feel like im blaming it all on my depression and im really sad about that) our relationship started to drift away because i started not talking to her that much anymore and i started to message her more coldly until i stopped messaging her... i really regret it because she didnt deserve that and i didnt really wanna do it but did i really loved her or did i only loved that she made me feel loved? but i realized that i did love her but when i said sorry to her i... didnt get the answer i wanted. she broke up with me and i understood that because what i did was really selfish and really bad. and i never wouldve thought that our relationship of us would end because i did something selfish... because all throughout our relantionship i was all about giving and giving and giving. sometimes she didnt even return it. even though i dont know anymore what to say or type now... i really wished i didnt do it then we probably wouldve broken up and/or i really wished that i couldve said a lottttttttt more to her before we broke up. but i probably dont think ill ever will and i dont know how to move on or if i should move on because a part of me thinks that if i talk to her again maybe we'll get back together even if it'll take quite some time but... i know that probably wouldnt happen and maybe she's happier without me and she's even better without me:(((( now all i could do is look through her social media and the posts that she's posted and it really makes my heart but i dont know why it makes me happy that she's smiling in her photos. she was the only one that made me not kill myself through out those years and ive had some attempts but i couldnt do it or it failed. i kind of wish that i did it and it worked when we were still together or when i havent messaged her/ghosted her but i dont wanna traumatize her or something:( she deserves the happiest life! i wish we could grow old together but now all i rely on is watching bojack horseman to feel comfort and theyre not even real. i feel all sorts emotions to myself and its all of the bad ones! i dont know how ill ever love myself or how it'll stop but i also dont know if ill ever reach the time that, that happend or if it'll ever happen. i have so much more things to say and this story isnt even all of it. i cant even study or breathe or do anything normal without feeling my heart hurt or needing to check id your online or needing to see your pictures, our chat and if youve posted:( im really really bad at explaining and talking to other people but im surprised that im even capable through here. i wish for her to have a good life and a good future preferably with me but really painful to admit but will still say "even without me":( i still love you and i know you'll never get to read this but deep inside of my heart i wish you can because i'll never get to say these things2u

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jwnbwnjwn · 4 years

Text

Entry 4 (3.23.2020)

Its currently 9:40 AM and I haven’t slept. Waiting for my online class to start, by the way, all my classes got moved to online now due to the Corona virus outbreak. Anyways, my sleeping schedule is once again fucked up and flipped, but surpringly I dont feel as lonely in the middle of the night. I did just get a wave of sadness though.

Sometimes I feel like im fine, and lifes fine and everythings fine. My relationship, friendships, family. But i know it still bugs me to the core, i know it still replays in my mind, i know its going to take a long time to forget, or to fully make peace with it. It still runs through my mind the possible ways that couldve gone down. The different positions, the different things you did to her, the different names you called her, all the places you took her, what you told her about me? The degrading stuff you said about me? I still look through her stuff, maybe a hint; the subtlest one. I stare at her photos to try to see the parts of her that caught your eye, the parts of her that you kissed, that you touched. The times you did stuff, did I ever come to mind?, even if it was for half a second? Did you think of me? Did you think of my emotions, my feelings? No right? You didnt even know what I was feeling because we were in a situation where I was too scared to tell you because I would just be ignored or shrugged away. But its okay - the blames not all on you. We were in a really rough patch, im surprised we even made it out alive. I still think of the few times I saw her, if it was going on then, if it was still happening then, if you kissed her before or after, while i was still in the same building, if right after you went to see me or after you dropped me off you went to see her. I think of it so much and I just want it out of my head. I think of how you continued to check out other people, even after everything. After help, after the many tears i shed, after most of the hard work was done. I think of how you had girls nudes, how you had my friends nudes, my bestfriends. How you traded with other disgusting fucking pigs, how you wanted to fuck all these other girls. I think of the stash you had. Deja Vu, DEJA VU. I’ve seen this before, me typing this, all of this. I wonder if you still are like that. If you still have your stash, a stash. I know you’re in groupchats that do that stuff, and I know because you told me. You said it was just photos of girls like Belle Delphine, my fucking queen lol, but even then it kinda hurts when i still have all this overbearing pain left over and to be so sensitive and insecure about still so many things. It pains me a bit to think youre staring at a girls ass, nudes, etc, whether you know them or not. Anyones. And I wanna see your phone, I wanna see who you text, what you talk about because im looking for these things. Im looking for these messages, these photos. The stuff that will destroy me. The stuff that will make me question why I kept going. I wonder if you still do. I just keep pondering, and I think i will for a long time unless i see proof. I think its going to be long, and difficult process for me in order to solve that. And I know, im scared. Im scared to bring this up because I know its somehow going to be flipped onto my side. I know its going to be somehow turned into my insecurites and on my behalf. And you know if thats what it truly is than be it, but it hurts so much because it doesnt feel that way/. It feels like im always blamed on for it. I wanna ask you to leave the chat, I wanna ask you to leave any chat where they talk about girls in that matter, where they send lewd photos, because its too much for me, its too much for me to know youre there, to know yore watching that. It hurts my heart over and over and everytime i think of it it takes me back to that place where I tried so hard to escape from. I think about you when youre with your friends and the many things you probably talk about. I think of how disgusting those conversations can easily turn into, how easily it is for them to show you, for them to tell you, for them to talk about all these girls to you. Or maybe its worse, maybe you still have photos, maybe youre still a pervert and talk about girls, maybe youre the one still causing the trouble. Maybe you never changed. What if it was just your lies getting better, you faking it better, putting in a little more effort into that. I go insane thinking like this. I drive myself crazy. I know i overthink, and I know I get paranoid, i recently figured that about myself; that im always on edge, that im always paranoid about things in an odd way. But its true. I could see clearly why everything Ive stated so far could be happening, but i always give you the benefit of the doubt so i dont fall further down the rabbit hole. Im tired. Im tired of it all. Im tired of seeing her, seeing you, sometimes when I look at you I cant help but have my mind running over how that exact face across of me that I love so much can do all of that, can do it to me. I constantly think of the time you told me about her, going over it, replaying it all in my head. I go over it so many times in hopes that ill catch a detail i missed, anything. I drive myself insane. I dont know how much longer I could do this for anymore, im getting more and more exhausted by the day. With all this extra free time in my hands thats all I think about. I look and search in hopes that something new will pop up, something that will define anything from that time. I wonder if youve talked about her recently, talked to her. I wonder what you’ve said about her, about me, if you’ve ever compared us and how. Thinking of this just makes me want to apologize about me thinking all of this, of my looks, everything. I feel like i’ll never forget.

Sometimes I think, what if I took the bold move? What if I did was would be considered “right” of me? I hate admiting it and even writing it down anywhere, but I think of leaving you. Leaving you and finding myself, finding my true self; not the version I set of myself for you, the version i struggle to love but learn how to little bit a day. I want to know what its truly like to be able to express myself in my true form, in order to want to do stuff and not get shut down for it, in order to fully be me and be able to defend myself without feeling bad for doing so; without feeling like a loser or like im on the outside looking in. Sometimes i wonder what it would be liked to be loved by someone else, someone who deserves me. They say what I want is out there, and i ponder on that. I wonder if theres someone who will always open the door for me, someone who will walk to my doorstep everytime they arrive and everytime they have to go. Someone who will hold my hand and kiss it, someone who hugs me gently; a hug that will make me feel something again. I want someone who protects me, who will keep me safe. Someone who will prioritize me. Someone who no matter what fights we come across, he will protect me out of love, because thats exactly what I would do. I want someone my parents love, someone my family loves, someone that could get along with my friends that i wouldnt have to be worried about. I want someone who will understand me, and someone who will see me as their world. I want someone to view me the same way i view them, i want someone to be there for me and go the same exact extent that i would for them. I want equalization. I want loyalty, I want someone to come into my life and strip me away from THIS “life” and show me what its like to smell the flowers, to show me what its like to be happy and be in love. I want someone who will appreciate me, someone who wont have to try so hard to do so. I just have to keep wishing.

But I love you, I love you so much. Even after all the ugly, even after all the fights, all of this; I still love you so much, I wish you could be the man i need, and hopefully you will. Im just scared that when you do itll be too late. Im scared that you wont. I wish you would put me first. I wish that over everything. I just want to be loved, and I want that to be real. im scared, im so constantly scared all the fucking time and it eats me alive. I love you, but I want to live. I want to love, and live, and be happy. i want to smell the flowers, dance in the rain, roll in the mud, I want to know what its like to be alive. I just hope its with you. I just hope I can forget, I just hope I can make peace.

Ended this at 3/23/2020 10:25 AM

-jen

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saintkimora · 7 years

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here is part 2

so the tinamarie convo was almost over, there was just a few more parts. first of all he said “i dont let anyone police my language” like ????????? that is so STUPID of him to say like what hes just allowed to say whatever he wants with no criticism???? for someone who claims to be socially conscious he sure was sounding like an antisjw

at one point i was like “ok im sorry, next time ill let you vent and let it all out and if i have an issue with what you say ill bring it up later after youve cooled off and be like ‘hey joel i know you were mad but it bothered me when you said this’ or s/t like that” and he was like “no” bc no one polices his language and he just wants to be human bla bla bla it was so annoying!! like here i am trying to compromise and find middle ground but he is so stubborn

it was also annoying how in the text he made it like i criticize everything he says when literally the ONLY times ive ever critiqued what he said are the current situation and when he calls women the b word thats literally the ONLY times ive ~policed his language~

then after the tinamarie convo i decided to bring up the no promises thing from before since we are already on the topic of serious conversations. here is the post if you dont remember, its from like 2 weeks ago http://saintkimora.tumblr.com/post/167023269008/ok-here-is-what-happened-w-joel-last-nightmore

so i told him that i was really hurt when he said that and i brought up basically what i said in that post. and he explained himself, and his explanation was kinda ok. he said he doesnt make promises at all and thats like his motto in life (which is stupid bc society is kind of built on promises but whatever thats his opinion i guess) but i said “well it wouldve made me feel a little better if you had explained that when you said it instead of just being like “oh i cant make any promises so it isnt fair of you to ask that of me.” i also told him that the promise wasnt the focal point of my request, he was getting hung up on the wrong part. and i told him that he couldve at least said like “i dont make promises, but ill try not to (break up w me over text)” or “i dont make promises, but i hope i dont” just to at least show that he cares. he was silent for this which means i was right, but it was also annoying bc i guess if he cant make an argument he just doesnt say anything instead of being like “you know what youre right”

i also said i was upset bc i came to him w a serious issue and instead of taking it seriously he gave me a smartass answer (”oh i cant predict the future so i cant make any promises”) and he was like it wasnt a smartass answer, it was an honest answer and i was like “well literally every person ive talked to has said it was a fucked up thing for you to say and even my therapist was taken aback when i told her what you said, so yeah maybe it was a fucked up thing to say” and he was like “well i stand by what i said” like here he is being stubborn again like why cant he ever just admit hes wrong

so the promise conversation ended. then we had a general discussion about the relationship. i decided to tell him i had a panic attack and i told him how i felt (which i already described in the first post). and like...this whole time we were on his couch and he was laying down and i was sitting up w his legs on my lap. so at this point when i was telling him how i felt i was starting to cry and it was obvious i was crying (i even said like “one second im about to start crying”) and he didnt do anything except continue the discussion. like, if we were switched and he started crying i wouldve sat up immediately and hugged him and tried to comfort him. and he did none of that! even if he didnt wanna get up he couldve at least like reached out and held my hand, just SOMETHING but no instead i just sat there awkwardly trying not to cry while he just laid there talking with no emotion in his voice

he also said like “ive had panic attacks before so i understand what theyre like, if you were having one you couldve called me and i wouldve been nice and tried to help you through it” and i told him how i was too scared to call bc i didnt wanna make the situation worse, and i told him i didnt want to be just another issue for him to “deal with” and he was quiet when i said that bc i think he realized that was literally what he said about me earlier during the tinamarie part of the convo. i also told him i was scared bc last time i talked to him on the phone when he was in a bad mood he snapped at me so i didnt want that to happen again. i also told him i texted tristan instead and he helped me through it lmao

this is the end of part 2, the final part will come soon but typing this all out is v draining emotionally and also my fingers are getting tired so im gonna take a little break lol

#personal

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satyr-syd · 7 years

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Sero isn’t bothered when Kayama-sensei assigns Bakugou as his partner for a project. Actually, he’s kind of glad. Bakugou is one of his friends, and it doesn’t hurt that in terms of academics, Bakugou is third in their class - definitely the kind of person he wants on his team.

Bakugou doesn’t seem the feel the same. In fact, Sero’s pretty sure he hates group projects. The way he furiously muttered, “I hate group projects,” when Kayama-sensei announced the project kind of gave it away.

They had met at the library after school to talk about the project. Sero already had ideas for topics - the project was a five minute presentation on the societal changes between the second and third quirk generations - but Bakugou shut him down before he could offer a suggestion.

“I’ll have this done by the deadline,” Bakugou says. “So you can leave now.”

Sero pauses from pulling his notebook out of his backpack. “Wait. What?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes. “What the fuck do you think? I’m going to do it myself, obviously.”

Sero is suddenly having second thoughts about having Bakugou as a partner. He knows Bakugou doesn't work well with others, but this seems excessive. “Dude. Hero work is all about collaboration.”

“This isn’t fucking hero work, is it? I can do this better all myself,” Bakugou says. “I’ll put together the presentation. And present it. You can stand there and...change the slides or something.”

Sero isn’t one to get in the way. When the top students like Bakugou or Todoroki or Midoriya went head on in a fight, Sero was more than happy to let them take the lead. He couldn't do anything when villains attacked during the school trip. He hadn't done anything to help Bakugou when he was captured. Even at the sports festival, Sero had let Bakugou make all their decisions, only chipping in when he was needed to pull Bakugou back onto their shoulders.

But in the end, everything had worked itself out, without Sero's active participation. He wasn't needed.

Hero work was one thing - unpredictable, dangerous, and best left to the strongest players. But this was classwork. And Sero felt guilty putting this whole project on Bakugou.

“I can’t just do nothing, man, I want to contribute something,” he says.

Bakugou slams his hands on the table. “I told you, I’ll do it.”

Sero doesn’t even flinch. He’s not intimidated by Bakugou’s aggressive tendencies. “I feel kind of useless, though,” he complains.

“I don’t give a shit,” Bakugou says. “I will do this and I will get us a perfect score, can’t you be satisfied with that?”

Sero bets this was how group projects were for Bakugou in middle school. He would be the super bossy one who took control of the project, and the everyone else would just be happy they could slack off. And hey, Sero was man enough to admit he was sometimes that guy. But that was before - now he’s at U.A. He has to get serious and earn his own grades. “Not if I don’t deserve it,” Sero tells him.

Bakugou groans, reaching into his backpack. “If I give you something to do, will you shut up?”

Sero smirks. “For 8000 dollars, I will stop.”

“The shit does that mean?”

“Just...give me something to do.”

He waits patiently while Bakugou pulls a paper out and shoves it at him. It’s the list of sample topics Kayama gave them. “Pick one.”

Sero glances at the list. Most of the topics seemed pretty boring, and Sero doesn’t even know what most of them are. But he notices that some of them are circled - maybe the ones Bakugou was considering? He picks the most interesting one of those. “How about Quirk Marriages?”

“Fine.” Bakugou snatches the paper back, and starts packing it into his bag. “There. You contributed.”

Just like that, his satisfaction disappears. Poof. Like Thirteen sucked it up and it disappeared into nothing. “Wait - that’s it?”

“Duh, that’s it,” Bakugou says, throwing on his backpack. “I can handle the rest, Soy Sauce Face.”

Sero rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Look, I know you think I’m stupid - and hey, I might be, in comparison to you - but that doesn’t mean I can’t be useful.” Even as the words leave Sero's mouth, he doesn't quite believe them. Was he useful during the end of term exam? Was he useful during the USJ attack?

“How many times do I have to say it to get it through your thick fucking skull?” Bakugou says at a near shout. “I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help!”

By the time the librarian comes to quiet them down with her voice silencing quirk, Bakugou’s long gone, leaving Sero alone, no closer to being useful than before.

To group: bakugou’s harem

snape (snail tape) do u guys ever feel useless

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Yes Wait bro are you feeling useless Because even though youre entitled to your feelings And I get how easy it is to feel like that

its always wednesday did someone call you useless????

reeeeeed riot. *yum* But i think youre really valuable!!!

its always wednesday tell me who ill fite them

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Ashido why must we resort to violence

lightnin mcmeme bro ur lyin if u thikn u wouldnt fight an army for seros honor

reeeeeed riot. *yum* … True

snape (snail tape) i have...the graetest frends

lightnin mcmeme we kno

its always wednesday obvi

reeeeeed riot. *yum* But hey bro are you doing okay?

snape (snail tape) yeah its just u guys have done so much cool shit this year and i have not and i kinda feel like guilty about it? but also like...whatever bc u all can do anything w/o me

lightnin mcmeme mkay 1st thing: u couldve sent that as 1 text

snape (snail tape) why? does this annoy you?

lightnin mcmeme bruh

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Sero Hanta listen to me right now you are a very valuable human and a great asset to this class. Just because you havent had the chance shown your strengths like everyone else doesnt mean you dont have them or arent useful

its always wednesday what he said! u did amaaaaaazing in the sports festival!

lightnin mcmeme and u passed the hero license exam which even splodey didnt pass

its always wednesday and ur definitely the best at mobility we wouldnt have stood a chance in the cavalry battle w/o u!

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Youre like the tape that holds us together

lightnin mcmeme ur *literaly* the tape that holds us together

its always wednesday plus u came up w all our screen names !! which are cool af!!!!

snape (snail tape) thenks guys that means a lot im feeling a lot better now

reeeeeed riot. *yum* Yay!

its always wednesday yay!!!!!!

lightnin mcmeme glad ur feelin better dude!! but also y did u write thanks like that

snape (snail tape) why did u just double text like that

lightnin mcmeme ....touche

Sero is used to taking the sidelines, but this time will be different. Energized by the support from his friends, Sero vows to prove to Bakugou - and himself - that he’s useful.

He tries to do a bit of research for the project on his own. There’s an article on some online magazine that gives a general history of quirk marriages, from the first quirk marriage to the protests against them. Proud of his find, and much more informed than before, Sero pulls out his phone.

snape (snail tape) hey. found a cool article bout qrk marriage [link]

The Boy Who Cussed I read that shit already

Shit. Of course he had. It was practically the first thing that popped up when he searched “quirk marriage.”

Sero tries to think of something to say back that won’t make him seem stupid when he sees that Bakugou’s typing something else.

The Boy Who Cussed But if you actually want to be useful Find out the causes leading up to the first quirk marriage protest

Never before has Sero been so excited to do school work. (He probably never would be again.) But getting Bakugou to trust part of their workload to him feels like a victory.

snape (snail tape) yeah np!

When Sero explains to their friends how their project is coming, Ashido claps him on the back. “You like, out-stubborned Bakuboy, which is basically unheard of,” she says. “You’re a force to be reckoned with, Cellophane!”

Sero preens at her praise. He didn’t think of himself as a stubborn guy, but he was persistent when he needed to be.

That wasn’t entirely true, though. Ever since he told his friends how he was feeling on the group chat, he’d been thinking about his place at U.A. Mostly, how he wasn’t persistent about pursuing a spot in the spotlight next to U.A.’s strongest. He had shrugged off his loss at the sports festival. He was the only one who failed the end of term test whose team had beat their hero opponent. He was content to sit back while his friends stormed on ahead of him, blaming his poor results on his less-powerful quirk rather than his relaxed attitude.

That wasn’t any different than sitting back and letting Bakugou do all this work on their project. Ashido called him stubborn, but a truly stubborn person wouldn’t be content with second place. Sure, he felt useless, but he wasn’t doing anything about it. If he really wanted to do better for himself, he’d have to make a bigger effort. Ashido called him stubborn, but a truly stubborn person wouldn’t be content with second place.

snape (snail tape) dude u should come to my dorm we can work on the project together

From The Boy Who Cussed no

snape (snail tape) come on man itll be fun

The Boy Who Cussed This isn’t supposed to be fun, assfuck

snape (snail tape) we can MAKE it fun

The Boy Who Cussed NO

snape (snail tape) what do you have against fun bakugou do u even know what fun is

The Boy Who Cussed OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT FUN IS FUCKTRUCK STOP TEXTING ME IM WORKING

snape (snail tape) r u allergic to fun ill stop if u come over

Bakugou doesn’t reply. Sero hears stomping. Suddenly his door slams open.

Bakugou is absolutely fuming. Smoke is literally coming from his palms. Sero silently counts this as another victory.

He storms into Sero’s room, slamming the door behind him and dropping his stuff on the ground. “I hope you’re fucking happy,” he growls.

“I’m positively joyous.”

Sero looks over the back of his chair, watching Bakugou work.

“So. How’s it coming?” Sero asks. “Were the sources I found useful?”

Without looking up, Bakugou lists off his evaluation. “The first source wasn’t credible. You can’t just cite some rando’s blog.” Sero’s heart plummets. “The second one would have been good - but it was the wrong time period. The third was beyond biased.” He pauses before continuing on. “The last one was...suitable.”

Sero gulps. Next to his past few victories, this is definitely a loss. He’s only proven Bakugou right by giving him these shitty sources.

This is why he usually let the others take the spotlight - they knew what they were doing. They were smart, they were reliable. Maybe Bakugou was right. Maybe he could do this better alone. Maybe Sero really was useless.

“Why the fuck do you want to help so bad anyway?” Bakugou speaks so quietly, Sero almost doesn’t hear him. He’s not even sure if he was supposed to hear him.

Sero decides to answer his question anyway.

“I don’t want to mooch off your work. I want to earn my own grade - it’s not fair to either of us if I don’t do any work,” he explains. “It’s like when you’re fighting, and someone doesn’t even try to fight against you. Even if you win, it doesn’t feel like a win, you know?”

Bakugou looks back at him with a near unreadable expression on his face. Sero isn’t sure whether he’s hit a nerve or struck a chord in him. Maybe both.

Suddenly Bakugou gets up and shoves his papers into his bag. Sero leans back in his chair and holds back a sigh. Fuck. I went to far. Now he’d be back at square one.

“I’m going to send you a list of sources.”

Sero looks up. Bakugou’s still standing by the open door.

“Take notes on them, then give them to me,” he demands.

Sero lights up. “Yeah, sure!”

Bakugou leaves, but Sero’s feeling more confident than before. He just needs to be stubborn like Bakugou. He’ll kept trying until he gets this right.

They meet in the library next week.

Bakugou is, to put it lightly, frustrated.

Sero thought the project was going well. Bakugou actually read over his notes and constructed a summary from it. They had the slides planned out and everything - but Bakugou still wasn’t satisfied.

“This isn’t good enough!” Bakugou says, throwing down his notes. “This is just generic, dumb facts. If we want to beat everyone else we need to do more.”

“I don’t think this is about beating the others.” Sero didn’t miss how he said “we” this time, instead of “I.” Another victory.

Bakugou ignores him. “We need to make a claim. Show how quirk marriage had a lasting effect.”

“It’s not like quirk marriage is dead,” Sero comments. Bakugou looks at him weird, so he tries to explain himself. “You say it like it’s a thing of the past, but people still do it, even if it’s not super common. My neighbor is the result of a quirk marriage. And she’s not even like, thirty.”

Bakugou’s eyes go wide, and his lips twitch. “That’s perfect,” Bakugou says, nearly jumping out of his seat. “Get an interview with her. We can put a video on the slides.”

Sero grins. “I can ask, sure!”

Bakugou leans back in his chair, kicking his legs up on the desk. “Top that, Ponytail girl.”

snape (snail tape) is this u? [link]

The Boy Who Cussed THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOESD TO MEAN FUCKFACE??!!!

A few days later, they sit in front of Bakugou’s laptop, looking at the draft of their final presentation.

At the moment, the slides have a black backdrop with bright orange text in some hardcore font that’s incredibly hard to read. Sero notes that the colors match his costume. Each slide looks the same - blocks of information in bullet points, too hard to read.

“Hey, Bakugou do you take constructive criticism?” Sero asks.

"No."

"It fucking sucks."

Bakugou swivels around in his seat, snarling. “The fuck do mean? It looks fucking cool.”

Considering Bakugou’s parents worked in the fashion industry, Sero would have thought Bakugou would have an eye for design. These slides proved that assumption wrong. “Yeah, maybe, but like...could we make it readable?”

Bakugou narrows his eyes. “You don’t think it’s readable?” he asks accusingly.

Sero throws up his arms. “I’m just calling it as I see it, dude.” Knowing that this is an area where Bakugou falls short, Sero makes this an opportunity for himself. He’s not an artist by any means, but he’s sure he can do better than this. “How about you can write the presentation, and I’ll design the slides.”

Bakugou glares at him for a moment, no doubt questioning whether he can trust Sero with this task.

“Relax. It’ll be fine,” Sero reassures him. “I promise I’ll put a lot of effort into it - and you can look over it when I’m done, so you can make sure it’s up to your standards.”

“Fucking fine,” Bakugou relents.

Sero is more than satisfied with the end result. One - because it was a bombass presentation, two - because Bakugou couldn’t have done this without Sero’s help, and three - because they got full marks from Kayama-sensei. She even complimented them on the sleek design of their presentation.

“Put it here, Bakugou!” Sero holds up his hand.

With a grin closer to a smirk, Bakugou slams his palm against Sero’s. His high five is just as explosive as his...well, explosions. That’s going to leave a mark.

Shaking out his wrist, Sero says, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes. But Sero's silently proud of Bakugou for giving up some of his agency. He knows Bakugou likes to do things himself, and he bets Bakugou had just as hard a time sharing group work as Sero had trying to feel useful.

“You should have shown what you’re capable of earlier, Soy Sauce Face,” Bakugou says. “What the fuck have you been holding back for?”

Sero can hear Kirishima’s voice in his head saying So manly!

Bakugou’s words hit Sero like a punch. In middle school, Sero was described as plain. Plain face, plain clothes, plain personality. He thought going to U.A. would change all of that, and it did, at first. But Sero saw himself quickly falling behind ever since the sports festival. Against Bakugou and Kaminari’s flashy quirks or Ashido’s magnetic personality or Kirishima’s sheer resilience, Sero was once again the plain person in the pack. The useless one.

Sero is beginning to realize that this is his own fault. He can see how hard his classmates work - he just needs to up his game.

Bakugou’s right - what is he holding back for? He’s capable of so much more if he doesn’t play follower to the leaders of the pack. Sero can keep up with them - this project proved it.

“I’m not holding back,” Sero tells him. “I’m just warming up!”

Bakugou smirks. “Better catch up quick.”

“Trust me, I’m just getting started.”

ao3 | based on this hc | more like this

pst there’s a tiny deleted scene on ao3 in the notes if youre interested

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha fic #mha fanfiction #bakugou katsuki #sero hanta #adventures with bakugou #my writing

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deliciouskook-blog · 7 years

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We don’t talk anymore (Jikook Cover) Scenario Jungkook x Reader

Hello guys

This is my first Tumblr post and first fanfiction inspired by the beautiful cover released by JUNGKOOOK&JIMINNN 'We don't talk anymore'. I know Jungkook has done the cover alone before but I think this version is more powerful and made me feel things as many of you would probably relate and Jimin's sweet voice is everything I love him so much..... I'm in tears rn :'(

Anyways so when i heard this song i just grabbed my lapotp and typed this, its raw and not proofread and was literally just me blabbering cos of the feels i got from the cover and so i imagined a really sad relationship. I hope you enjoy it!!

I don't know if anyone's going to even read this but my friend told me to post it anyway so if you like it please give me some love!!! I accept requests <3 and would probably write better if i wasnt so emo ahhahahahahahahhaha (i shouldnt lie to myself ill never stop feeling emo while stanning bts)

Word count: 1.9k

Y/N POV

It’s been a long time since you felt the spark that initially ignited your relationship, you always had to put your 100% and felt like it was dying anyway, there was nothing that can be done to save it and that’s when you thought it was time to start seeing someone else and move on.

You called him a day before you decided to forget the hell that you have been through because of him but like all the previous calls that turned to voicemail this time was no different.

It was the familiar female voice again ‘the mobile number you have called is not available...’

You felt ashamed that he has put you through this and hurt your pride, because no matter how much you called he just wont answer.

Y/N: ‘jungkook I need to speak to you’ – delivered at 10:31 pm

‘please just answer the phone..’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

‘jungkook’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

but nothing

5 minutes later… the messages were checked as ‘opened’

So she decided to call again but there was no answer.

Jungkook: ‘I wish you could stop calling me at night you know im at practice’ ‘I wont answer I’m working so good night’ – opened at 10:40 pm

Y/N: ‘why are you like this?’ ‘whats wrong?’ – opened at 10:41 pm

Jungkook: ‘nothing is wrong’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Y/N: ‘don’t lie to me can you please call me back after practice?’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Jungkook: ‘yeah.. later’ – opened at 10:45 pm

You stayed up all night waiting for his call it was an agonisingly slow night but you waited for him to call you like a fool anyway. 3AM came around and still no call. He never practices this late.

So you decided to call one more time. And unexpectedly there was an answer.

‘hello? Jungkook?’

silence

‘yeah… wussup’

he sounded drunk and you were speechless…

‘werent you at practice? Why are you drunk’

‘im not drunk’

‘well okay then what are you’

‘im jungkook’

no shit

‘ok jungkook we need to talk but I cant talk to you if your drunk’

‘youre already talking so carry on… what is this 39 missed calls all about’

‘where are you, can I see you? and if you answered the first call there wouldn’t be 39’

‘no im going home now so just say what you want’

‘okay… I just don’t think this is going to work out between us’

silence

‘jungkook’

then he laughed sarcastically

‘are you breaking up with me?’

‘yeah I jus-‘

‘okay then’

‘jungkook I need to tell you why’

‘I don’t.. think I care…’

= call ended=

Jungkook woke up with a severe headache. The time was already 2 past noon and he had no idea what hes done the night before but all he could remember was drinking so much.

The truth is he didn’t know why he drank so much in fact he didn’t know why he gave up doing anything besides work the past few month, he knew his relationship with you was dying slowly and he knew It was his fault but the Wings tour and his musical career was eating him and was far more important, at least in the company and BTS’ eyes.

He thought that you could wait for him but his career cant, he knew it was selfish and hard but he had no other choice and he didn’t know better, because he was only 19 and he could only handle so much.

You woke up around the same time, you didn’t get time to sleep at all from crying over the ended phone call, you knew it would be hard but you had to move on. You knew you didn’t deserve him and that made your relationship rocky at first, but as jungkook told you he loved you repeatedly, you slowly gained confidence and learnt to love yourself too but that all came crashing down because he clearly doesn’t love you anymore.

You knew the only way you would get over him is erasing him completely from your life which included blocking his phone number, for his own good you knew he was a good guy and probably would try to befriend you after these 3 years but you couldn’t handle seeing him as not yours, but just a friend. You took out your phone and as you unlocked it, you saw the selfie you had at their last date together and couldn’t help but cry even more because all that has to go too.

= 3 months passes by=

Authors PV

As you slowly learnt how to live life from scratch, Y/N served another caramel late to who seemed to be a distressed customer. She had quit her old job which was close to big hit’s main building and decided on a new beginning.

Within these 3 months she had met a guy who’s a regular at the café named Zico, he would throw way too many compliments about the coffee than one would give but she found it cute as at least for what seemed like years, she’s started to receive the attention she craved… but she cant help but think of jungkook whenever she sees him wishing that he would be the one who would give her these compliments and taste coffee that she only recently learnt to master but obviously that life doesn’t exist anymore.

But as she is in south korea, bts are increasingly becoming a hot topic and their songs were played everywhere as if her memories of him weren’t enough reminder.

Slowly Y/N got to know Zico even more, and naturally they dated. She couldn’t deny how good he treats her, maybe its because it’s a new relationship but he was there when she texted and even called her when she didn’t turn up for work because she was sick. He showed that he cares. Jungkook didn’t.

On a fated evening, when the new couple chose to walk next to the Han river a familiar figure stood on the way walking with what seemed another familiar figure but she chose to ignore it and continue walking holding hands with her new lover.

What Y/N dont know is jungkook has been growing crazy the last 3 months, he had tried to reach you so many times, he doesn’t remember the phone call that night and he thought that you ended the relationship alone and hasn’t decided to even talk it with him. He missed you so much and every day he realised how much of it was his fault, it was his fault that you had left your old job, your neighbourhood, changed your number and disappeared. He wished you were happy but deep down he hoped like himself that you weren’t able to forget him.

Then he saw you walking, he looked at jimin who was trying to distract him from the sight that he has also seen. Jungkook felt angry and tried to contain himself, but soon after he was washed with feelings of sadness and regret, deciding to walk up to you anyway.

‘Y/N ?’

you looked at him with surprised eyes, which Zico has returned to you in confusion.

‘can you give me a minute?’ you said to Zico who nodded and walked away

‘you look well’ you said to him

‘is that all you have to say to me’ he said to you with tears in his eyes

‘I don’t remember you wanting me to say anything at all… but say what?’ you replied returning a hurt face.

‘why you left me like this’ he said looking down knowing exactly what you left but he had to hear you say it

‘you didn’t want to hear it.. remember?’ you said to him as you laughed away your tears

‘what are you talking about?’ he asked you

‘you said to me you didn’t want to hear it, remember you were kind of drunk actually but I knew if I didn’t tell you right there and then, you would never pick up’ you admitted

‘you couldve texted me at least’ he said defeated

‘you don’t even reply anyway… I need to go’ you walked away

then he watched you combining your hands with your new lover as you continue walking. Jungkook went back to the company’s building with Jimin who tried to comfort him, he saw the pain that Jungkook went through the past few months, but he couldn’t deny that he was the one who screwed it up for himself.

Jungkook entered the studio where he was meant to record aimlessly, he always overworked himself when he was feeling lonely or sad and today he was broken. He scrolled down his Spotify playlist and encountered a song named ‘We don’t talk anymore – By Charlie Puth’, it was always there but he never really bothered to listen to it, but tonight he tapped ‘PLAY’.

By the end of the song he was sobbing, he remembered how much he wanted to come back to you when he had a day full of schedule, he expected you to be there texting him sweet words when he couldn’t make it to dates because he couldn’t perfect his practice, celebrate happy occasions with you but there must be a good reason that she left him he thought laughing to himself as he related to the lyrics of the song. He was so drawn to the song that he decided to cover it hoping that the fans would like it too, but more importantly as a message to his gone girl.

=3 weeks forward=

‘Did you hear the songs Jungkook released this month’ said a co-worker to the other ‘No no what is it called? Put it on’ the other one replied

They played the cover that the entire of nation of Korea has been obsessing over, and for the first time the you heard it. And you felt as if you were shot in the heart. You could hear the sincerity in his voice and realised how the hell did things come this far, because you couldn’t imagine your life without him no matter what.

‘I need to go somewhere can you cover for me please? you said to one of the coworkers and ran outside the café to big hit, cursing yourself for deleting his phone number.

And as you ran to the building you asked the familiar security who still remembers you if jungkook can be called down.

You felt like life at that moment was like a ticking bomb and you needed to tell him whatever you were feeling at that moment, you’ll probably regret it but at this moment you didn’t care.

But it was too late as you saw him walking down the stairs with another girl’s hand around his. You felt like you were shot a second time, this time earning a much severe injury. You laughed at the thoughts you had, the he sang this for you – it might’ve had no meaning at all. With tears running down your cheeks you ran before he could notice you catching a TAXI, but he did see you and realised that you came back. Jungkook let go of the girl’s hand to run after you but it was too late… he watched the TAXI drive off.

Many tears were shed that day.

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