#maybe we’re all the atom

[honourablejester]

I’m realising as I browse around that I really love lore when it comes to ttrpgs, games and game worlds. And by that I don’t mean I like to obsessively learn lists of dates and wars, and the names of leaders of factions, I mean …

I like learning weird, juicy details about the worlds of games. I like finding little nuggets that say things about the set-up and culture and assumptions of the world. I like finding fragments of ideas to hang whole story and character concepts off.

I love that in D&D 5e’s Spelljammer, the Astral Sea is full of the corpses of dead gods that you can fully sail up to in your ship. Just. Floating out there. Waiting for you to rock up to them.

I love that in Sunless Sea, the king of the drowned is the way he is because he fell in love with an eldritch sea urchin from space, and successfully married it. His niece is an angry sentient floating mountain whose mother is a goddess-mountain and whose father is a face-stealing humanoid abomination. This is fine and normal.

I love that in Starfinder, there are mysterious bubble cities in the surface of the sun that the church of the sun goddess discovered and cheerfully occupied despite having no idea who the hell built them or for what purpose.

I love that in Dishonored, the entire industrial revolution that has built the empire we’re in the midst of saving or destroying was built on the properties of whale oil harvested from eldritch tentacled whales that live half in the oceans and half in an eldritch void personified in the form of a weird-ass black-eyed shit-stirrer of a deity who was formed from a murdered and sacrificed child. And this is largely a background detail.

I love in the Elder Scrolls that the dwarves up and fucking vanished, as a race, at some point in history and absolutely nobody has any clue what happened to them or where they went, but their technology is so insane that ideas like ‘they time-travelled’ or ‘they erased themselves from existence’ are absolutely on the table.

I love that in Numenera, so many incredibly advanced civilisations have risen and fallen on this world that it’s absolutely littered with bonkers science fiction artefacts that have caused the current medieval-esque society built over top of them to develop in bizarre ways, and also you can find a mysterious artefact that absolutely baffles and delights your character, but that you the player will fully recognise as a slightly-more-advanced thermos flask.

I love that in Fallout, an irradiated post-nuclear apolocalypic hellscape, there’s a cult that worships the god of radiation as they have come to understand it, and they are mysteriously immune to radiation with absolutely no explanation whatsoever. They’re not ghouls, the usual result of fatally irradiated humans with some resistance, they’re perfectly normal humans who can somehow just tank rads all damn day. It could be a mutation, but Lovecraftian gods apparently do also fully exist in this setting, so it’s also possible that maybe they were on to something with this Atom thing.

I love that in Heart The City Beneath, there’s a mass transit train system that they tried to hook up to the eldritch beating god-thing buried under the city so that they could metaphysically chain the stations together more easily, which went horrifically and metaphysically wrong in entirely predictable fashion, and now there’s a whole order of train-knights who have to keep people safe from the extradimensional weirdness magnet the network has become.

That, and all the fantastic little details you can stumble across. There’s a biotech augmentation in Starfinder called an angler’s light that gives you a little angler-fish bioluminescent antenna on your forehead, and it was developed by asteroid miners who needed light but also both hands free for work. In Dishonored there’s a festival that everyone pretends is outside of time so nothing you do during it can be held against you. There’s a god of snuffed candles mentioned in a single line from Heart The City Beneath who has pacifist cannibal priests, and that is literally all the information you get on him.

While things like the history and geography and timeline of a world do also fascinate me, I’m not really here to memorise stuff like that. I’m here to find weird little nuggets of information and worldbuilding and delight in them. Give me funerary customs and weird myths and oddly specific circumstances and baffling little objects and absolutely bonkers cosmological implications. Give me the corpses of dead gods, and aesthetic movements with highly specific backstories, and bureaucratic fuck-ups of titanic scale, and mysterious things that seem to break all other rules of your setting with absolutely no explanation because people in-universe have no fucking clue how they work either. Why are the Children of Atom immune to radiation without ghoulifying? Not a clue, but Confessor Cromwell has been cheerfully standing in that irradiated pond that kills the player character with about 10 minutes of exposure for the last year and he’s still absolutely fine.

I just. I really love lore. I like my settings to have some meat in them, some juicy details to dig into, some inexplicable elements to have fun trying to explain. Particularly that last bit. I feel like a lot of people when building worlds feel like the rules have to be absolute and everything has to have an explanation, but nah. Putting some weird shit in makes everything immediately feel bigger, more real, because we don’t have even half an idea of how our world truly works, there’s always something we just don’t fully understand yet, and you can put that in a fictional world too. Some mysteries, some contradictions, some randomness, some weirdness. There’s a line, obviously, this depends on execution, but a little bit of mystery really does help.

Lore is awesome. And weird lore is even more so. Heh.

[anonymous-dentist]

Hi, I’m A.D., I’m a historian, and let’s talk about the nuclear bomb and why the one that exploded at the end of QSMP’s Purgatory Event probably didn’t kill all that many people upon initially exploding.

The nuclear bomb, as everybody knows, has only ever been used in a war twice. Both explosions were caused by the United States in their war against Japan at the tail end of World War Two in one final terrible last ditch attempt at ending the war through any means necessary.

Pictured above are the atomic explosions at Hiroshima (left) and Nagasaki (right.)

These are big huge clouds, which makes sense! Nuclear weapons, on average, have the strength of somewhere between 10 and 50 megatons of TNT. Hydrogen bombs, meanwhile, are WAY worse, with the first test coming in at a whopping 10 MILLION tons of TNT.

To put it in Minecraft terms for all you nerds out there, imagine Doomsday from the Dream SMP and how it razed an entire nation to bedrock level by using somewhere in the range of 20 stacks of TnT (if I’m remembering correctly.) A nuclear bomb, in these terms, would have blown L’Manberg up something like eight times over and then some.

So that’s. Bad. Right?

Well, here’s the QSMP’s bomb as was constructed by our favorite depressed detective, q!Maximus:

This bomb, notably, is underground. It was never dug up, it was just moved somewhere else. It isn’t above ground, and it never left this room. Watch the cutscene back (linked here), the bomb never left the room.

So this is where underground nuclear testing comes in.

Underground testing began in 1951, and it remains the only form of scientific nuclear testing not banned by the Limited Test Ban Treaty of 1963.

No big surprise, a lot of early underground tests were conducted by the US out in Nevada, where they kinda tested nukes legit fucking EVERYWHERE in the desert for a long time. Below are some photos, just for funsies:

What’s important about underground nuclear explosions is that they actually end up releasing less radiation into the atmosphere than regular nukes do. What happens beyond that depends on whether or not the radiation remains contained.

A contained explosion’s aftermath:

And an uncontained explosion’s aftermath:

There hasn’t really been many negative biological effects reported from these underground tests, which is really saying something considering how close to nuclear blasts the US had its guys at most of the time (see below)

The worst you got out of the underground tests was some radioactivity in cows’ milk, which is NOTHING compared to the effects of the above-ground nuclear testing at the Nevada Site:

So… what does this mean for the QSMP?

Well, if we’re going off of historical and scientific precedent, legitimately nothing substantial happened to the islands of Purgatory. There’s more of a risk of dying from the pre-established radioactive rain disaster effects as well as the earthquake and meteor disasters.

Fun fact! Underground nuclear explosions usually registered as weaker than actual fault line activity, aka actual earthquakes.

If Maxo’s nuke was dropped from above, the devastation would be greater. Nuclear fallout is no joke; even today, cancer rates in the American West are still pretty high from the above-ground testing conducted at the Nevada Site. The Bikini Atoll will never be the same after all the testing the US did there, either.

But, because this nuke seemed to have gone off underground, I can safely assume that the damage done to the islands above was minimal at worst. Maybe there’s a radioactivity leak, but everybody staying on the islands had already experienced radiation up to that point.

It’s important to remember this because several characters did stay behind on the islands, and the fandom is assuming them dead because, well. A nuke went off. But those characters aren’t dead yet (outside of q!Maxo, who was possibly directly above the nuke when it went off and thus would’ve been hit full-force by the explosion.) Many were on the beach, far from the the nuke. They’re fine, and you can prove it with history!

TLDR; the nuke from the end of Purgatory was assumedly set off underground, which would have negated a lot of its potential damage, so everybody’s fine except for the unfortunately deceased q!Maxo

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Radioactive Apocalypse

The constant upset and warring provinces have prepared the world for the worst. Before the blowout, many thought it wise to pay for a bunker for the oncoming atomic apocalypse. Most of the population couldn’t afford to do so, let alone believe that it would be needed. 

They’d be wrong.

Whether you are one of the unsuspecting public or a passive believer, average day life doesn’t have you safely tucked in a bunker when the initial alarms go off. You are smooshed against others in a large crowd all watching and listening in awe. But the moment one person screams it's all over. The crowd twists and turns pulling you in no specific direction. As the final alarms ring out an arm pulls you through the chaotic crowd and into a bunker full of others reeling at the recent events. So here you find that you are trapped safely in the stifling and well-furnished  Atomic Bunker. 

“Who pulled me in here?”

“Does it matter! You survived the initial blast, didn’t you? Ungrateful twat.”

“No need to be hostile, little brother. It's natural to be vexed after watching the world end. Right in front of you.”

“Oh, all those poor souls!”

“My lady, your handkerchief.”

“My baby! My baby! I didn’t grab them! Oh, my poor baby!”

“There there, we’re all very shaken up—”

“B-b-b-but y-y-y-your still smiling—.”

“We are all dealing with the pain in different ways. But let's all take a breather and relax.”

“You don’t sound all that upset to me either.”

“I can say the same thing to you, but I guess you’re just happy to be off the streets, right?’

“Oi!”

Hearing the cacophony of such a colorful cast distracts from the initial fear. Their voices remind you that you're not suffering like the rest of those unfortunate people. They allow you to cry with an audience of fellow mourners and those who can keep calm easily. Before you can let the silence set in, they pull you back with their bickering. It's always either one or two of them that is always voicing their concerns. There’s always a voice of reason, something you’re grateful for as you desperately search for a distraction. 

“Everyone! I believe introductions are in order! I am the middle child of the Penz household as well as the main manager of the bunker.”

With a blonde head of hair and a funky sense of style, his smile persists. Uvil Penz is an interesting guy as you’ll come to find. Aside from smiling during the ongoing onslaught of atomic warfare he always has a way of looking on the bright side for better or worse. 

“Oh, my baby!” 

“Now please miss dry your tears, there are plenty of toys down here to distract yourself with.”

His optimism is surely unique as you can’t quite place where it may stem from. On one hand, you could see it as an unemotional response with an attempt to soothe. But you’ll see him laugh genuinely or offer insight into a person’s emotions. On the other hand, it may come from a sly condescending perspective. It fits right along with his brothers’ behavior. But the way he works to compliment you often, attempting to keep your spirits high, or how he’ll make a request for your favorite foods to be scavenged makes you think otherwise. 

“(Y/n)?”

“Huh? Uh yeah?”

“Did ya know: you’re gorgeous even with those tear streaks on your face.”

“What?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now, but I think you really needed to hear that now.”

Or maybe that’s just you because you have a hard time believing Uvil trying to be soothing when he’s smiling widely after making someone cry. But it's hard to be decisive about liking or disliking the blonde as he could very well be the one who grabbed your wrist and pulled you in. On top of that, he allows everyone to stay even as opportunity knocks on the bunker door. As long as you don’t mind his ever-present smile and disconnected sympathy life will be great.

“I, Uvil Penz welcome you to the Penz bunker. Now little brother, go on. Introduce yourself.”

“Eugh! Get off me! Ugh, my name’s William and I know this bunker better than anyone else. So better learn to respect me!” 

He’s certainly not like his brother. At least not on the surface. With black short hair and a disgusted sneer constantly on his face. He doesn’t bother comforting anyone at least not in the typical way. Any advice or comfort is said through gritted teeth or with an annoyed click of his tongue.

“Look, if yer gonna keep crying do it in one of the soundproof rooms. You're bothering those of us who want to think!”

Not to mention he’s the first to point out your insecurities or make fun of you for grieving at all. Don’t worry you’re not the only one, he goes just as hard if not harder on everyone else. Making sure everyone is well aware that the whole group knows of their problems. Usually snickering or outright laughing at whoever he’s decided to victimize. At one point, everyone will be annoyed with him. As much as he loves to boast about it he is the only one who knows how to maintain the bunker. 

“Gosh, you are such a pain in the–”

“Don’t forget who knows how to start up the generator…so unless you want to enjoy life without lights, you’ll put your fists down.”

“Ugh! Fine.”

“Thank you…meathead.”

“YOU LITTLE-”

Despite his arrogance, his snarky jabs, and the weirdly endearing way he seeks you out the atomic apocalypse wouldn’t be the same without him. For as annoying and degrading as he may be, he’s still willing to share his switch with you when you’re feeling particularly bored. Making sure you can’t see his face when he pokes the controller against your cheek. 

“Come on. You’re bored aren’t you?”

“You…want me to play with you?”

“Well duh! So…are you?”

“I-I’d love to!”

Not to mention he knows the cheat codes to all the games in the arcade room. And if you do him small favors he’ll share his limited edition ramen with you. Now he may ask for your undergarments or your toothbrush but that’s nothing in the endless days spent in the bunker. After all, it's better than the atomic aftermath out there and according to the only Penz willing to go out there, you wouldn’t last a day.

“Well, my introduction’s done. Marc!”

“Yeah yeah, ‘sup everyone. I’m Marco.”

The eldest of the Penz brothers is concerningly nonchalant from the very beginning of your stay in the bunker. With his girlfriend on his arm and an easy-going attitude, he doesn’t really bother to comfort anyone other than her. Except maybe you. 

“Hey didn’t take you for a late-night snacker. You okay?”

“I’m—fine, excuse me.”

“Whoa whoa, lil’ bunny. Don’t run away just yet, the wolf has questions.”

“Please just–I’ll go back to the room.”

“Nah-ah sit bunny.”

“But you took the only chair.”

“Right here, bunny. We’ve got all night.”

Supposedly, he was quite the womanizer before he got with his current girlfriend. Will makes a point to mention it anytime anyone you is found flustered or flattered by his attention. Even so, he doesn’t let that stop him from caging you against the bunker walls to ask for something. Or teasing you when he retrieves something from outside the bunker. 

“Come on just grab it.”

“Why are you holding it there? Just hand it to me normally!”

“So rude. I don’t feel like complying with a fussy bunny who doesn’t use their words.”

“Ugh! Fine. Please just hand it to me normally.”

“Ha no.”

“WHY NOT?!”

“It’s perfectly fine just grab it, babe. I don’t mind if you touch me along the way.”

For all his teasing and carefree behavior, he’s a good scavenger. Able and willing to brave the atomic wasteland when the bunker needs supplies. He’s strong and prepared to take on any unruly travelers who come by or intervene during scavenger hunts. 

He’s not all that opinionated when it comes to debates in the bunker. More excited to grab a snack and watch the chaos unfold. Smiling lightly as things get heated and tensions rise. In that way, he’s like an idle NPC but the second his boundaries are crossed then you have to deal with the rare and angry Will. 

“C-calm down Will…y-your not going to k-kill him right?”

“He’s the one who thought inviting our bunker-mates to play in that wasteland was a good idea.”

“Honey, it’s okay! (Y/n) didn’t actually go, right? So it’s okay, right Fin?”

“Yes, my lady is correct.”

It’s just better for everyone that no one gets on his bad side. And that everyone doesn’t mess with the things that make him happy: His peace, his girlfriend's peace, and your peace the happiness of specific bunker mates.

“Oh yeah, this my girl.”

“Um hello everyone. My name is Aria, Aria Mensloth. Marco was the one who brought me here.”

“Lucky you, I bet he’s the only one willing.”

“...Oh uhm yes I am quite grateful. I hope we can all get along.”

Aria is the sheltered blue-haired girlfriend of the eldest Penz brother. Opposites attract because, despite his immense uncaring personality, she’s generally more caring. Trying to check up on everyone she can even if her privileged life brings more misunderstandings than intended. 

“You seem upset, is it perhaps because you skipped breakfast this morning?”

“Uh no.”

“Oh well, for me this is a bigger change from the usual three-course breakfast I’m used to.”

“Okay…”

“Do you not know what that is like?”

She has the best intentions but she’s still learning. Too bad for her the ones in this bunker she is familiar with don’t bother correcting her or informing her unless directly asked. Her boyfriend would sooner chuckle and play with her hair than fill in the blanks. Her butler refuses to say much else than what is needed. So guess who she decides to attach herself to? You, of course. You're the most normal lovely bunker mate around and you don’t immediately insult her when she seeks to shadow you as you navigate your life in the bunker. 

“Ah, so you pick your own clothes out. How fascinating!” 

“Uhm Aria don’t you do the same?”

“Oh no, my butler picks everything out for me. It’s always been that way.”

“Oh…Would you want to try picking out your own clothes, sometime?”

“For myself? Oh no, I’m far too inexperienced….but maybe I could help pick out your outfits!”

“Wait–”

“Does that sound like a good idea, Butler Fin? Can we do it?”

“I see no problem with that my lady.”

“Oh good!”

As Will’s girlfriend, she’s an important person to keep happy. Wouldn’t want to deny her, especially when her beloved boyfriend is working so hard for the rest of the bunker. Not to mention her butler with an ominous gaze who is more than willing to exact her every wish. No matter how invasive it is to your privacy. You’ll have to be careful with your words. Wouldn’t want to make her cry...right?

“Aria, don’t.”

“Ari! Call me Ari!” 

“Ari sorry okay! I just don’t want to bathe with you, so please get off.”

“Y-you’re not trying to leave me, are you?! Didn’t Uvil tell us not to waste any supplies!? So please let me join!”

For as pushy as Aria can be, calling her out on her behavior or offering to tattle on her to her boyfriend usually gets her off your back. But where she lacks persistence, her butler makes up for it. 

“Hello everyone, I am the Mensloth Butler Finster. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Finster or Fin, is like any depiction of a dutiful butler come to life. Even with the threat of the atomic apocalypse, he’s still maintaining his mistress throughout. He doesn’t talk much outside of responding to Aria and occasionally the Penz brothers. 

“...”

“Look butler-man, if you’re goin’ to make breakfast why not feed us all?”

“...”

“Butler Fin.”

“Yes, my lady?”

“Can you make breakfast for Will, (Y/n), and me?”

“Yes, of course, my lady.”

“Wow….really?!”

You’ll find when he’s alone he can speak without addressing his mistress only when he wants to. But he seems to enjoy your company, especially during the night cycle when Aria is fast asleep. He smiles openly with you, cracking jokes about the day he appeared numb to before. 

“Well, it seems as though you were right about them. Fighting with each other like chickens in a coop.”

“Right? I thought I’d be the only one who noticed.”

“Please your observations are hardly wrong, it helps that we can talk like this with each other. Helps us remember how to communicate. I really appreciate that you’re willing to.”

“Oh uh, no problem I like talking to you too..”

“No, thank you (Y/n). I doubt I could hold any level of sanity if it weren’t for you.”

When push comes to shove, he is capable of holding his own in a debate. His actions can be interpreted as that of a selfless and devoted butler. But it can also be read as that of someone with their own agenda—something practically impossible to decipher by his behavior alone.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for (Y/n) to leave the bunker, either.”

“Y-your actually s-s-speaking? On your own?”

“Well, I bet it’s only because he wants his master lady to not cry like a baby!”

“Was that your intention, Finnster?”

“...My lady, is my top priority at all times.”

It’s a nice illusion though, that he’d be a somewhat normal character, considering he’s often the only one whom you can hold a normal conversation with, without walking away thinking he’s obsessed with you. But his actions do. Oftentimes, watching his behavior without his explanation would make anyone worry.

“Excuse me?”

“I just wanted to ask about you pushing Aria that one time. Why would you do that?”

“Push? Push?! Oh no you’ve got it all wrong, I was attempting to support her back as we looked at the sewer. She did lose her footing but as you saw Marco and I caught her all the same.”

“Oh okay sorry, for misjudging.”

“It’s fine, though I’d be quick to forgive if you joined in some baking with me.”

Always good at conversation, and always willing to help, Butler Finn is a friend to confide in. Someone to talk to about the odd behaviors and conversations you've had with others. One of the other ones you can talk to about this would be your resident walking encyclopedia. 

“H-h-h-hi e-e-everyone I’m S-S-Simpson G-G-g-gron, Will b-b-brought me here.”

He’s like a stereotype incarnated, listing off all sorts of facts you would have never found yourself dedicated to remembering. With a stutter at the beginning of every sentence, Simpson refuses any sort of leadership, very similar to Will’s approach. Rather than having a bonafide position to argue when debates happen he prefers to chime in with what he knows for sure. 

“Look, the sooner we head out. The sooner we can all actually eat something real.”

“But you realize what the risk of leaving may mean, right?”

“The world burned away! Yeah, I got it.”

“A-a-a-actucally I think Uvil sir is r-r-referring to radiation posioning.”

“What?!” 

“The atomic b-b-b-bomb is not only the bringer of destruction, b-b-b-but a disease bringer.”

When he’s not bringing up important information he’s hanging around Will, stuttering a lot less and talking technically with one another. While Will is prickly, he’s able to properly articulate what he knows while also hurting your feelings. Simpson on the other hand…just can’t. It’s something you’ll try working with him on but once he gets going he just can’t stop.

“Okay let’s try this—why should I consider learning code?”

“Well…i-i-it’ll help y-y-y-you understand the programs you use the m-m-m–m-m-most?”

“Good. Now how so?”

“Well..learningtheintricaciesofcodingwillnotonlyallowyoutomanipulateyourownprograms–”

“Okay—now hold on–”

“Butintheendlearningthecodecsnotonlyallowanyonetoknowthesourcesofthewebsitesthatfunctionwithai–”

“Hey-wait!”

“IsitnotwisetolearnwhattheoneswhowillsurvivethistragedyworkthroughyoureyeslookasenchantingaseverAnywaythereallanguagetheyworkwithnowisbinarycodebutthatshouldn’tbe.”

“And there he goes.”

The real advantage of this though is his ability to return the favor of listening to his rambles. He happily listens to yours and comes with questions you’d only find yourself answering in an imaginary interview. But the adoring indigo-green gaze behind those iconic square glasses makes it impossible not to appreciate him. Not to mention, he and Will are the only two who religiously compete with you in the arcade room.

“Ack–that move is illegal!”

“Actually it's quite the opposite, really. This is the rule within the actual manual of the game’s lore–”

“Yeah, (Y/n) don’t be a crybaby you didn’t do your studying.”

“But you hid all the gaming manuals from me!” 

“Well, you are the one who bet something unspecified of yours. It would be unwise not to sabotage you.”

“Ack-! To be admitting it so openly!”

“No use lying about our tactics now that we are guaranteed a win.”

As the most obvious voice of reason, it isn’t a bad idea to be in his good graces. It also makes it harder to believe your own observations when you listen to his. Able to look at the bigger picture while you only have your snapshot or so he says. 

“But doesn’t this kind of product, have dire consequences for eating past the expiration date? And wasn’t there some craze about the aphrodisiac effects it has?”

“That’s a widely spread misconception, the craze was actually about the dopamine rush from the expired product.”

“Really? I’m pretty sure I remember the fanfics celebrating the stuff.”

“You are mistaken!”

“Uh okay.”

So if there’s anyone to rely on it’d be him. He may not be able to care for you as well as some of the others in the bunker. Or be as concerned as others but he’s trying his best. Of course, others may not even heed any of his efforts. Then again some of them hold themselves very highly. 

“Oh, my baby!”

“Miss are you okay to talk or–”

“My name’s Henrietta Spitz! What’s your name?”

“Uhm (Y/n).”

“(Y/n)! Oh (Y/n) I’m so sad!” 

Henrietta is probably one of the oddest characters in the bunker. Known as the distraught young mother who was dragged in by one of the…good samaritans within the bunker. If you aren’t swallowed by grief you’ll be swallowed by hers because she doesn’t let anyone forget what she’s gone through. 

“Wahhh~(Y/n) can I sleep with you?!”

“Uhm why would you need to?”

“I used to sleep with my baby at night. It’d just help me loads if your warm soft body next to mine.”

“Just like your…baby?”

“Yes, just like them~!”

But when she’s not wailing into your chest about her lost child, she’ll start up with a new…grieving routine. One that revolves around you drinking her milk…right from the tap that is. You want to argue with her–put a stop to this weird practice that she seems deadset that you be the only participant. But she cries aaalllll the time. If she isn’t set on fussing over you or forcing you to ‘help’ her grieving she whines and screams bothering everyone in the bunker. So you’ll take one for the team…right?

“I-I have milk for everyone!”

“ We have rations Miss so it's not an issue.”

“B-b-but we might run out! It’ll stop coming if it’s not drunken up!”

“Then perhaps the breast pump you had in your bag would be helpful.”

“B–b-but to keep this up I need to have a hungry mouth on there. It just won’t be the same.”

On top of that, her fleeting sadness for her child seems to conveniently leave her countenance the second it’s too inconvenient. It’s not all that obvious at first, easily being written off as her healing grief. But when she uses it for her own agenda so obviously it’s a little hard to take her seriously.

“STOP CLINGING TO (Y/N)!”

“Nooo! I want them to spend time with me!”

“It isn’t healthy to keep them locked up in your room like this. And (Y/n) you want to leave, don’t you? Finally, get to stretch your legs?”

“Yeah, I–”

“You can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I-I-I-My baby!?”

“What?”

“If you leave, the thoughts of my baby will come back and I just can’t bear it. (Y/n) please!”

Some will argue that what she’s doing is projecting her idea of her baby onto you. That she’s stuck in a psychosis that revolves around the one who she feels is meek enough to baby. But a grieving mother who would be projecting wouldn't do what she does. Everyone grieves differently but it’s the nature of her advancements that might lead anyone to suspect she’s not as motherly as she seems.

“Oh~(Y/n)~!”

“Yes?”

“Did you know something else my baby did?”

“Uhm what?”

“They’d let me wash them all over. And give kisses to me–”

“Okay.”

“On the mouth with an open mouth!”

“Okay? And?!”

It raises some concerning questions and speculations about her story. And how she was able to make it inside the bunker when everyone separately admits they did no such thing as lead her in. Or how she often mixes up the name of the child she seems so stuck on grieving. 

At the end of the day, she’s friendly to you…and maybe only you. She’s quick with her own insults the second anyone goes to question her or make their suspicions known. That and she seems to wryly refer to some hidden piece of information that keeps everyone from encroaching on her behavior. 

With all that being said. She’s definitely not one to forget for her attention to you, barely rivaled by the self-appointed scavenger and protector of you+ the bunker.

“I’m Grant and that’s all you need to know for now. I’ve got questions.”

“Ask a way, Grant.”

“Why do you even have this big of a bunker?”

“Is it so bad that we thought of comfort before the world’s end?”

“...I don’t buy it.”

If there was someone you’d expect to be the main character of some dystopian novel it’d be him. Cynical, confident, and muscled like no other, he becomes the bunker’s prime protector. Despite openly not trusting the Penz brothers he is the first to demand they do something when problems arise. While he’ll sooner croak than admit he relies on them, he does often light the fire for action from the prickly trio. 

“So what are you going to do about this?”

“Hm? Are you acknowledging me as the leader now?”

“No, but if everyone else has already I’d rather not rock the boat.”

“How benevolent of you!”

“Grrr.”

Hotheaded but not impulsive Grant becomes a significant facet of the group. Especially since the bunker needs more supplies. Brave and bold enough he’s willing to dawn the Hazmat suit and venture into the rumored wasteland that remains. It helps that he goes out of his way to help you settle and find your stance as the world goes through change.

“Hey. Here's some of the stuff I brought back. From the address you gave me.”

“Grant! This is-! I’m so surprised it even survived!”

“There wasn’t too much left but it was small enough and I thought it would survive the cleaning process.”

“Grant, really thank you!”

“...I-it’s no problem, you’re just lucky the blast didn’t damage it all too much.”

You’ll find he’s a compassionate guy at heart hardened by some terrible past he occasionally alludes to. But that harsh exterior tends to make up most of his image. Which can often lead to the group having…misconceptions about his personality.

“For a stupid delinquent that guy’s awful complex.”

“Speak for yourself! He keeps trying to tell me what to do!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! He said the time I spend hanging out with (Y/n) is unhealthy! What a nosy brat, criticizing my grieving process.”

“...Whatever."

The animosity for certain members of the bunker would become all too clear for you as the days pass. Such behavior is natural for those trapped in the same tight quarters. The same tight quarters that you can’t seem to leave; forced to watch these characters destroy themselves as they fight over something you.+ 

“Oh, guess it's my turn my name’s–”

“We’re happy you're here (Y/n).”

“Yes, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” 

“Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“We are all happy to meet you, (Y/n)!”

“Pft, suck-ups. Welcome, I guess.”

“I-I-I-I-I hope w-w-we can be close.”

“Oh (Y/n), you remind me so much of my lost little love! C’mere!”

“Hey Guys! Give them space!” 

The coming months will certainly be almost as chaotic as the world’s declining state. With your new family den of lions, surely there’s a sliver of a chance that you’ll thrive in the radioactive apocalypse. 

It’s best you start documenting your adventure now….

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR THE MOST ROMANTIC THINGS TO SAY *  updated version, adjust as necessary

you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

you are my dearest one. my reason for life.

until my last day, i'll be loving you.

kiss me. kiss me as if it were the last time.

love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs.

i was swallowed up in an abyss of love in an instant.

you are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

you are sunlight through a window, which i stand in, warmed.

you are beautiful without knowing it.

anyone who has seen your smile has known perfection.

every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own.

i became fascinated by your goodness. i was drawn in by it.

all i want is to deserve you. tell me what to do. i’ll do anything you say.

i will return. i will find you. love you. marry you. and live without shame.

it has made me better loving you.

i see you only with my heart.

i would love to say that you make me weak in the knees, but to be quite upfront and completely truthful, you make my body forget it has knees at all.

i've fallen in love. i didn't think such violent things could happen to ordinary people.

we loved with a love that was more than love.

i find myself choosing you, more and more every day.

i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, i can’t do anything but think about you.

we are asleep until we fall in love.

you want the moon? just say the word, and i'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.

i cannot let you burn me up, nor can i resist you.

i believe in you completely.

a hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.

love is never a waste of time.

when i am gone, my love, do not look for me in the places we used to go together. look for me in the places we always planned to go together.

i’ve hungered for your touch.

you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you.

when you fall in love, it is a temporary madness.

i’ve tried so many times to think of a new way to say it, and it’s still i love you.

my soul and your soul are forever tangled.

in all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. in all the world, there is no love for you like mine.

the first time ever i saw your face, i thought the sun rose in your eyes.

i wish i had done everything on earth with you.

if you remember me, then i don’t care if everyone else forgets.

you are, and always have been, my dream.

i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night.

come near now, and kiss me.

when will i hold you again?

it’s always better when we’re together.

you were the only thing in my life that was real.

in your smile i see something more beautiful than the stars.

when i saw you i fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.

you complete me.

i wanted it to be you. i wanted it to be you so badly.

i think i’d miss you even if we never met.

love is a friendship set to music.

i never want to stop making memories with you.

every time i see you, i fall in love all over again.

do i love you? my god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.

we kiss like we invented it.

i can’t smile without you.

now you're my whole life. now you're my whole world.

you're every minute of my every day.

maybe it's our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another.

i can't see anything i don't like about you.

[murciafire]

Every Atom

Pairing: Jason Todd x gn! reader

Summary: sometimes all you need to tell someone is that you miss them

Warnings: none

Words: 841

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:

Sometimes, there’s this overbearing sense of melancholic longing within you; perhaps a deprivation of the certainty you don’t know if you’ll end up alone. It’s unclear if this absence within you is actually the fear that you’ll be absent from someone’s life—and this sense of loss makes you miss someone so terribly, even when they’re right next to you, because somewhere within you, there’s a glimmer of hope that maybe they’ll miss you too—or will care enough to. Because that’s what you want, isn’t it? To be some sort of semblance of a human, to be human enough—to be enough for someone to love. And that’s the most wonderful thing in existence, to be so fragile, so complex, so insecure because we’re all trying to find someone who looks at us and say, ‘I miss you too’; ‘I love you too’.

And this sense of loneliness was so adamant despite you trying to shut it out and you’re not sure where it came from, how it started, or when it’s going to end. You’re not even aware that you’ve been staring at Jason for the last few minutes, the book in your hands forgotten as you sat on the other end of the couch.

Jason’s eyes remained forward, watching some T.V show he had hardly been paying attention to the moment he felt your gaze shift to him. He usually didn’t pry when he felt that you were off, feeling the slightest tension in your body, or how you’d avert your gaze, or how you nervously play with your hands. There were so many tells that Jason took note of throughout the years of knowing you that he sometimes had to hold himself back from begging you to just let him in and take care of you. But Jason counted his breaths, the seconds, the minutes, waiting for you to open up knowing you would eventually. As the minutes ticked by some more, Jason finally gave in and looked over to you.

“What?” he asked bluntly, prying his eyes off the T.V—not like he was watching it anyway, not while he was too occupied with waiting for you.

Hearing his voice snapped you out of your thoughts, and you glanced back down at your book. “Nothing,” you replied quietly.

“You were looking at me,” he smirked, trying to free you out of your own head, but his eyes searched for anything—anything that could tell him what was wrong.

“Sorry,” you murmured, flipping to another page.

Jason moved himself closer to you, gently pulling the book from your hands, taking your bookmark off the coffee table and slipped it between the pages you were reading. “Talk to me.”

You pulled your knees into your chest as you watched Jason set your book down on the coffee table, his gaze returning to yours. He placed a hand on your knee, watching your expression carefully.

“C’mon, tell me what’s wrong,” he said softly.

“SometimesIjustreallymissyou,” you mumbled into your knees.

Jason tilted his head, his fingers brushing your cheek before gently lifting your chin up. “What did you say?”

“Sometimes, I just really miss you,” you said, your cheeks tinging pink at your admittance.

“Sometimes I miss you too, y/n,” he replied softly. He wanted to say a lot more than that, but maybe this was how they said what they really felt for each other.

A moment passed by before Jason pulled you closer to him and you slipped into his warm embrace, siting on his lap, your arms thrown around his neck fiercely. Jason took a deep breath in, inhaling your scent before his eyes fluttered close. He felt the rise and fall of your chest, your steady heart beat he so often wanted to feel—to hear, just to remind himself that you were alive and with him, and he felt your breath, tickling his neck as you hid your face in the crook of his neck.

“I miss you,” he whispered into your ear as he buried his nose into your shoulder.

Your breath caught as you struggled to say the next words. “I lied,” you whispered. “I don’t miss you sometimes. I miss you all the time.”

Jason slowly traced your face with his fingers, down your neck, then settled it on your waist. “I do too,” he whispered.

He gently laid you down on the couch, his hand traveling up your thigh as his face fell closer to yours until his nose almost touched yours. You looked into his eyes as your fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Jason cupped your face with his hands, brushing his lips against yours before softly pressing in for kiss. Jason kissed you slowly, passionately, nipping at your bottom lip, your neck, your collar bone. He kept kissing you until that was all he could taste, until you he could only breathe in your scent.

“Promise me you’ll be safe on your mission,” you murmured. “Promise you’ll come back home to me.”

Jason kissed you softly once more, putting a hand on your cheek. “Beaten and broken, I’ll come back home to you. Always,” he replied breathlessly. “I want you to know that no matter what, I’m going to be thinking of you the entire time. I’m going to think about coming home to you.”

Jason kissed your forehead, his hand reaching for yours to interlace them above your head, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I miss you already,” you said, feeling the emotions emerge.

Jason brushed the tears out of your eyes, wiping them softly with his thumb.

“I do too,” he murmured, leaning down, and kissing your neck, leaving small hickeys in its wake. “I’d stay here with you if I could.”

“Yeah, but you gotta save the world,” you replied, a broken laugh escaping you as you tried to lighten the mood.

Jason shook his head, his eyes finding yours. “I want to save the world for you,” he whispered.

“I want to save you,” you said, caressing his cheek.

Jason looked down at you, and to him, you weren’t just a person, a friend, or a lover in these sorts of moments, to him you had always been his home.

“You already do,” he rasped out.

And you, in that moment, knew that every atom of your body missed him.

[siflshonen]

The Greatest Robot on Earth: Astro Boy and Pluto Part I

So you’ve just watched Pluto on Netflix, but you didn’t know that it is the best Astro Boy fanfiction ever made. Great! Or maybe, hypothetically, you’ve read classic Astro Boy but don’t know about Pluto, or, as it was called for the Viz release, Pluto: UrasawaXTezuka. Well, awesome, because I’m about to give you all the details behind their creators and creation and give you a side-by-side of the classic Astro Boy and this new(ish)-fangled Pluto.

C'mon. Look under the read more line. You know you want to.

If you want to skip to the manga side-by-sides, check out part II and part III. Or, you can read the whole thing in one go on Ao3.

Context and Background

Tezuka, Urasawa, and the Showa Era

So, let me start with the basics: What is Astro Boy? What ain’t Astro Boy?

Tetsuwan Atom, known in the west as Astro Boy, is the most well-known manga created by the “Godfather of Manga/God of Manga” Osamu Tezuka in the 1950s, but it metastasized into multiple anime series, games, merch, spin offs of various types, and that one CGI movie in 2009. The series follows the adventures of robot hero Atom (called Astro in the west) as he fights for the benefit of humans and robots to create a harmonious future for both.

Here’s a timeline of Astro Boy- and Pluto-related events to help you visualize what came out when and why there were multiple runs of the Astro Boy manga. For our purposes, the most important thing to understand is that, even though Astro Boy was a kids’ series, its attitude and themes, as written by Tezuka, reflected the incredible shifts in Japan after World War II and the ever-present shadow of it still left in the minds of its citizens.

But before we get into all that, let’s talk about Osamu Tezuka himself.

Osamu Tezuka's Legacy and His Monster

If you, sweet reader, are a self-appointed weeb and you don’t know the name Osamu Tezuka, I’m personally scandalized. Still, here’s the short version: he was a workaholic mangaka that many hail as the creator of modern shonen manga (historians get heated about when, how, and if Japanese comics made the jump to modern manga, so do your own research, but Astro Boy is definitely the most famous worldwide contender for this title instead of, say, Tezuka’s first work Shin Takarajima/New Treasure Island), and he’s the guy who created the world’s first serialized made-for-TV anime with a sequential plot and sold it as a loss leader to get it on the air.

Arguably, the precedent he set in order to get the anime-ified Astro Boy to screens everywhere is a major reason that the anime industry is so unsustainable, but we’re not here to talk about that.

Tezuka-sensei was a prolific, passionate, and deeply beloved artist from Osaka who tackled damn near every manga genre and arguably created some of them before he died of stomach cancer (and overwork, if we’re being honest here.) I’ve only shown a few of the 400-plus titles he created to give a brief overview of the scope of his work. Since I’m talking to you as a fan, not a historian, I specifically chose titles I own or have read most closely.

Message to Adolf, which was also published as Adolf, is about Nazis. Okay, that’s only part of what it’s about, but we’ll revisit this one in more detail later.

Black Jack is probably Tezuka’s second most famous work, and yeah, it’s broadly categorized as a shonen. It follows the adventures of underground doctor and genius surgeon Kuroo Hazama who dresses like a vampire, acts like a black-hearted and preachy douchebag, and endears himself to everyone who interacts with him.

Dororo is a historical fantasy thriller about a guy regaining parts of his sacrificed-upon-his-birth body by slaying demons and uncovering the mysterious past of his companion, the child thief Dororo.

On the flipside, Princess Knight is a shojo for younger kids about a princess with the heart of a boy and the heart of a girl who uses her two hearts to genderbend as needed to maintain her claim over her kingdom and keep it out of the hands of the wicked.

Meanwhile, Ode to Kirihito is an extremely mature medical fantasy drama that questions when and how a person still maintains their humanity and when they become a beast in their own eyes and the eyes of others. As I’m sure you can tell, such themes exploring what humanity means are almost as common to Tezuka’s works as a medical professional featuring as a main character. He needed to use his degree for something, I suppose.

In fact, the common conflict between Tezuka’s bright, young, optimistic, passionate, independently-minded, and opinionated doctor main characters and the corrupt, constricting, slow-moving, old-fashioned medical institution probably offers the most insight as to why Tezuka chose to pursue manga over medicine. I don’t think this was the only reason, but from reading his manga, I feel founded in asserting that the stifling status quo of established medicine was a contributing factor.

Tezuka never made any bones about putting himself and his feelings directly in his work. He spoke what was on his mind throughout his manga, and his introductions to various Astro Boy stories are no exception. He was also transparent about his struggle to make sure his works maintained popularity even when he resented any changes others suggested he make  in pursuit of this goal. In general, Tezuka-sensei didn’t take kindly to the idea of others influencing the direction of his creative visions basically ever, if the story of the Jungle Emperor: Onward, Leo! anime is any indication. (He’s just like me for real.)

If Tezuka-sensei wanted to write about war, he did. If he wanted to write about rape or trauma or abortion or racism, he did. He jumped on the chance to write about sex ed and, well, several of those other topics in Apollo’s Song.

If that scares you, don’t worry. Most of the time, Astro Boy was usually about the nature of war, human rights, the nature of humanity, and robots. It was also written for grade school kids.

Tezuka’s penchant for frank honesty wasn’t limited to commentary made within his manga, but also about his manga, and his statements on Astro Boy are some of his more standout claims on that front. That he called Atom a “monster” and said he created him “for the exposure and the money” doesn’t paint a flattering picture of his attitude towards his most famous work.

But, in truth, his distaste for compromising the truth of his characters at others’ suggestions probably betrays his real feelings about Atom. As much as he may be Tezuka’s monster, he is also his pure-hearted hero of justice and beloved creation. And, by his own admission, his feelings towards his work during the creation of “The Greatest Robot on Earth”, the Astro Boy story on which Pluto is based, were distinctly positive (even if at one point the background characters remark that Atom is a monster!)

The readership’s opinions on “The Greatest Robot on Earth” were likewise pretty positive. Among those readers was Naoki Urasawa, who credits the story with inspiring his deep love of manga. (His recounting of the impression the story left on him in this interview with Netflix Anime is incredibly sweet.)

Naoki Urasawa and His Monster

Who is Naoki Urasawa, besides the guy who co-wrote and illustrated the 2003 Pluto manga? Well, Urasawa-sensei is my favorite mangaka, so jot that down, and he’s known for his suspense thrillers, layered narratives, melodramatic showstopper moments, and also stories about cute girls doing sports. He is also a musician and guest professor alongside his editor and Pluto co-writer, Takashi Nagasaki.

20th Century Boys, named in part for a T.Rex song, is arguably his most famous work and it is heavy on the 1960s-1970s nostalgia, but in a good way! The inherent optimism, kindness, hope, and passion (and sometimes outright cheese) of every Urasawa character and title never feels insincere. The series is a seinen with the heart and whimsy of a shonen (and personally, I feel like such a description holds true for even Uraswa’s darker works.) 

If you don’t want to read 20th Century Boys or its sequel, 21st Century Boys, you can watch the live-action movie adaptations.

Meanwhile, Monster is my favorite manga and anime. Herr Doktor Tenma (yeah, like Astro Boy’s Tenma), a Japanese brain surgeon practicing in 1980s Germany, saves the life of a little boy only to learn years later that the kid is a mass murderer, his murdering ways continue into his adulthood, and he will likely never be caught. Only Tenma knows the truth, so he embarks on a quest to stop the “monster” he revived. 

I have less familiarity with Yawara! and Happy!, but the first is a sports comedy about a girl struggling to balance an athletic career and a normal life, and the second is a sports drama about a girl pursuing tennis to avoid becoming a prostitute. 

Pineapple Army is about an ex-merc’s adventures working as a self-defense instructor. Urasawa illustrated this one, but did not write it. I suppose I could have included Billy Bat as a representative work instead, but I honestly didn’t want to start unpacking that—though I will say that Billy Bat is probably the closest answer Urasawa has to Tezuka’s Message to Adolf since they both spin around the concept of a rumor or idea causing the world to lose its collective mind.

So what motivated Urasawa to add Pluto to his body of work? Mostly his editor/producer and co-writer, Takashi Nagasaki, probably. Er, that’s not very flattering. Let me try again.

Japanese media loves to emphasize passing its passions and convictions to the new generations (source: have you ever read or watched a mainstream action shonen in your life? If you’ve been paying attention to anything I’ve written about My Hero Academia or read the manga itself, I’m sure you think as much as I do that pointing out such a thing feels like beating a dead horse), and Urasawa’s (and later, the M2 team’s) motivation in creating Pluto is no exception. As Urasawa put it in his Netflix interview, “It’s like we received the baton from Tezuka-sensei, and would pass it on to the new generation."

And Osamu Tezuka-sensei’s son, Macoto Tezka (who probably spells his name that way so people don’t get him mixed up with his dad) let Urasawa and Nagasaki do it so long as they made sure the new retelling was something new, exciting, and unique when compared to the original! And while the pressure to succeed in this endeavor probably damn well near killed Urasawa-sensei, I think Tezka made the right call!

But if the goal was to pass on this Astro Boy story, which was written by a REALLY old dude, beloved by kinda-old dudes to the new generation, and practically unheard-of by today’s anklebiters, what kind of direction was the damn thing meant to take?! And why was the answer “fantasy Gulf War Astro Boy fanfiction”?!

Astro Boy in the Eyes of the New Breed

Astro Boy may be a series meant for younger kids, but it didn’t exist in a vacuum separate from the climate of the world from which it came. Tezuka would probably roll over in his grave if it did. The work, its messages, and its sensibilities were grade-A, postwar Showa stuff—particularly its reflections on pacifism, war, and power. 

Nagasaki’s summation from the postscript of Pluto: UrasawaXTezuka volume 8 sums up Tezuka and his generation’s outlook pretty handily, but I think it’s helpful to show exemplify this outlook and contrast it with the outlook of Nagasaki and Urasawa’s generation through manga!

Please observe this key moral-of-the-story panel from “The Greatest Robot on Earth” published in 1964 alongside this panel from late-1980s Dragonball featuring Muten Roshi stating the core idea of his series. I’ve chosen Dragonball as a point of comparison not just because of its notoriety as a big shonen title created for a similar audience as the original Astro Boy, but because creator Akira Toriyama was born in 1955 and, much like his contemporary Urasawa, who was born in 1960, “The Greatest Robot on Earth” left a deep impression on him. (Despite what the caption implies, the photographed page in this tweet actually features Toriyama’s admiration of Tezuka, though I don’t doubt the article from which it is pulled also includes Tezuka’s feelings about Toriyama. I ran it through Google Translate a few times and then laughed when I realized Toriyama made a self-deprecating joke about his poor reading skills, since he points out that he was in third grade when he read “The Greatest Robot on Earth” in the magazine Second Grader.)

To Astro Boy’s Ochanomizu, strength ain’t all that great, and strength for strength’s sake is foolish and vain. In fact, Professor Ochanomizu, who is the moral compass for most Astro Boy adventures, doesn’t value the pursuit of strength the way modern shonen, and several other characters within his own series, do. Hell, he doesn’t give Uran any superpowers even though Atom, the robot boy with nuclear power fueling his 100,000 horsepower (later 1,000,000 horsepower) and seven special powers is her brother! 

At the time of Ochanomizu’s creation, real-life Japan still freshly remembered World War II and the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki; no the fuck Ochanomizu (and Tezuka, through him) wasn’t about to endorse or create robots that doubled as weapons. That nonsense was for other, “more violent” robot manga, or the slew of other misguided and corrupt roboticists within the Astro Boy canon. Well, except there was that one time Ochanomizu helped create the artificial sun, but he didn’t ever intend for it to become a weapon.

Meanwhile, while Roshi also does not believe in strength for strength’s sake, he absolutely pursues it and encourages his pupils to do the same while fostering their awareness of the hardship, dangers, and fun of their path. Even with his warning, the Dragonball cast’s pursuit of strength is portrayed as alluring despite the double-edge, much like promoting national pride (and power) increases a nation’s convictions in its unity and identity but also draws the negative attention of other, possibly more powerful nations. Andy Yee succinctly frames this still-impending crossroads about how Japan might use its nationalism—its “pursuit of strength” in Dragonball lingo—in his 2013 article “The Twin Faces of Japanese Nationalism”. In it, he quotes this 2012 Project Syndicate article by Joseph S. Nye, Jr. pointing out that nationalism could be a force for positivity if tempered with reform and control, but could also cause the country to start conflict with its neighbors and shit the bed if left to run wild. (The conversation surrounding the topic of Japanese nationalism continues beyond 1980s manga or the 2013 socio-political scene, of course.)

Unlike Atom or Ochanomizu, Dragonball’s Goku finds such attention alluring: his heart’s desire is to fight strong opponents. It is his ikigai (“reason to live”) and at the end of the Cell Games, it becomes his, uh, shinigai (“reason to die”), if you will.

Did I lose you? I just asserted that the messages in these shonen about acquiring strength = messages about acquiring national pride and power. At its best, the Dragonball-esque attitude towards increasing national pride (and combat strength) is empowering, inspirational, and bolsters the good-hearted. At its worst, it could feed into a cycle of toxicity, unproductive self-importance and, ultimately, flat-out Japanese nationalism and war (and at its stupidest, it just becomes Let’s Fighting Love. Protect my balls.) Since classic Dragonball is a gag manga, I doubt Toriyama was ever thinking this hard about the messages of his work in regards to world history, but that’s sort of the point: Toriyama and his generation likely weren’t thinking this hard about it. Dragonball’s authorship lacks the crushing, firsthand memory of the consequences of unbalanced and misused power that the authorship of Astro Boy has.

In other words, Astro Boy’s cast pursued scientific advancement while lamenting the inevitable folly and destruction mankind brought forth with it so that Son Goku could fish naked, kick ass, get his ass kicked, meet god, kick ass, ghost god, ghost his family and friends, come back, kick more ass, repeat this cycle like twice, and get everyone to thank him for it. Dragonball’s more optimistic, power-fantasy-ish outlook broadly categorizes the outlook generation of New Breeds (shinjinrui) born around the 1960s like Toriyama, Urasawa, and Nagasaki before the reality introduced in their emerging adulthood hit them like a fucking truck.

The New Breed generation earned its name because their outlook and values, which were developed during a time of economic plenty and peace, seemed totally divorced from the values of the generations that lived during or immediately after World War II.

“They might as well be a different species,” snarked their elders, probably, though not necessarily out of bland hatred—Yoshiyuki Tomino’s Gundam series portrays his Newtypes, who are meant to be at least somewhat analogous to the real-life shinjinrui, in a generally more sympathetic light and occasionally a positive one (if they aren’t being used by someone else, that is.)

Tomino, who was born in 1941, also worked on Astro Boy at Mushi Pro.

Baggage between generations is not unique to any one country, obviously. But in this case, it seems Urasawa and Nagasaki decided to tap into it and incorporate the core beliefs, hopes, and grief of their generation and those of the generations before them into Pluto. 

Taking this approach was also the perfect excuse for Urasawa to distill everything he knew and loved about Tezuka’s works into one transformative manga. And don’t just trust Tomohiko Murakami on that—trust me as a fan of both Tezuka and Urasawa. It’s very noticeable that Urasawa and Nagasaki pulled from all things Tezuka to create Pluto even as it incorporated new ideas, including criticism of the Gulf War.

…So it’s probably a good thing I took the time to explain all this stuff to you so that you can now start to see it too! You can thank me later. Let’s see how the classic “The Greatest Robot on Earth” compares to Pluto.

[corvus-ix]

MC/Reader x Pierro

- This is mostly HEADcanon & their loosely based from Taking Over the Abyss fanfic from Wattpat by corviiknight

- Also a little Gold/Rhinedottir in the mix

- I'mma post this here to clear my note for my other drafts cause f### it, my notes are a f###ing mess

MC: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Young Pierro: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

MC: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Young Pierro: MC, NO—

—————————————————————————

Random Khaenri'ah: Why is the Royal Mage(Pierro) and MC sitting with their backs to each other?

Gold: They had a fight.

Random Khaenri'ah: Then why are they holding hands?

Gold: They get sad when they fight.

—————————————————————————

Young Pierro: Do I need to repeat myself?

MC: No thanks, there's a reason why I ignore you the first time

—————————————————————————

MC: I should have listened to that Pierro

Random Khaenri'ah Alchemist in distress: What did he say?!

MC also now in distress: I DON'T KNOW! I DIDN'T LISTEN!

—————————————————————————

MC: Oh just so you know, it’s very muggy outside

Young Pierro:

Young Pierro: MC, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn…

MC: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Young Pierro: *sign*.

—————————————————————————

MC: I am immortal until proven otherwise

Young Pierro: MC, NO—

—————————————————————————

MC: I am an idiot

Young Pierro:

MC:

Young Pierro: If you’re waiting for me to disagree with you, it’s going to be a long night.

—————————————————————————

MC: Change is inedible.

Young Pierro: Don’t you mean inevitable?

MC, spitting out mora: No, I did not.

—————————————————————————

MC: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Gold: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Young Pierro: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF BUT GOT DRAG IN ON THE DUMB STUFF!

—————————————————————————

MC: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Young Pierro: How can you still say that?

MC: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

—————————————————————————

MC: You’re ‘the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans’, what does that mean?

Gold: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

MC: But what’s the first worst thing?

*Awkward pause*

Gold: MC, they… they weren’t always orphans.

MC: *hiding behind Young Pierro*

————————————————————————

Young Pierro: This is such a bad idea.

MC: Then why are you coming along?

Young Pierro: One of us need to be able to talk the knights out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

—————————————————————————

MC: Did you know that atoms never touched each other

MC: And since we’re made of atoms were never touched anything in our lives.

MC: So to answer your questions, no I did not punch that man-

Young Pierro: *sigh*

—————————————————————————

*MC staying up late again to finish a deadline*

Young Pierro: Go to bed! It’s 2 in the morning! If you don’t you’re going to hate yourself in the morning!

MC in a dreadful tone: Jokes on you! I’m going to hate myself regardless!

—————————————————————————

Young Pierro in great distress: Why didn’t you tell me!?

MC: Oh, maybe because I wanted us to fail.

MC losing her sh#t : OBVIOUSLY I DIDN’T F##KING KNOW!!!

—————————————————————————

Young Pierro: What did you do?! I told you to distract them not knock them out!

MC:

MC: There’s no pleasing you sometime

—————————————————————————

MC: The brighter the rainbow, the gayer the strom cleric

Pierro: WHAT???

—————————————————————————

MC/Reader & Pierro HC

- I like to hc most of their dates mostly consist of MC teaching & showing Pierro a lot of things (mostly about MC hyper fixation)

- Pierro not understanding most of & try to learn much about it after the date

- For some reason I can see them doing library dates

- Also Pierro teaching MC royal/noble etiquette & MC purposely messing & teasing Pierro during the lessons

- I can also see them playfully bickering or just really getting into the conversation during a dinner boat ride

- Strolling around then MC suddenly teasing Pierro, & then Pierro chase a giggling MC around

- Pierro teaching MC stuffs, like magic, instrument, etc

- Also Pierro teaching MC how to ride a horse & a few shenanigans happening then having a good laugh at the situation (sometimes MC do it on purpose)

- I really, really, really love the idea of MC & Pierro cooking each other meal for their date & exchange recipe (MC w/ modern & foreign ones, Pierro w/ his own one)

- Just MC (accidentally & always)dragging Pierro into her shenanigans one way or another (Pierro stop question how long time ago) & after everything over they just enjoy each other company while resting

- MC dancing while Pierro is singing or playing an instrument (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

- I can also see Pierro drawing MC while MC is enjoying herself on something (dancing, playing w/ animals, etc)

——————————————————————————

An incorrect quote based on Ch 53.

*Pierro doesn't had the courage to confess to MC for years*

*Al-Haitham & Kaveh making a marriage proposal to MC only knowing her for a day*

Pierro: I waited for 500 years, a Scribe & a Architect did it in a day...

Pierro: I waited for 500 years, a SCRIBE & a ARCHITECT did it in a day.

Pierro: A SCRIBE & A ARCHITECT DID IT IN A DAY

——————————————————————————

Imagine Pierro after a few years of the destruction of Khaenri'ah & learning about the curse

Imagine him stressing himself out cause he keep thinking worse case scenario about MC

"Did she survive?" "Was she curse?" "What curse did she suffer? Immortality? Did she turn into a Hilichurl?"

"Did she die—"

Bro stressing almost everytime, that he learn to conceal/mask it

"What if MC did turn into a Abyss Mage/Hilichurl instead of Immortality?!"

"What if she was killed because she's a Abyss Mage/Hilichurl?!"

His heart ache everytime this kind of thoughts intrude his mind

Have a few breakdown every now & then because of it as well

& That go on for 500 years, until he heard about a certain Abyss Mage w/ a familiar name

[bagely]

OKAY!

*draft

“Did you just kiss me?” Philza asked, his eyes wide with confusion.

“Do you believe in hallucinations?” Missa responded nervously.

“I think I'm very conscious right now,” Philza said, his tone firm.

“If you think about it, what is the definition of a kiss anyway?” Missa continued, clearly flustered.

“Uh—lips touching,” Philza said, more confused.

“Did you know that atoms don’t touch each other? That means that nothing ever really touches,” Missa explained.

“What are you talking about? Hey Missa, it’s okay,” Philza said, trying to soothe him.

“Okay? Okay okay? Or just okay?” Missa pressed.

“Does it matter?” Philza asked.

“It does, it does,” Missa insisted. “I mean, if it was just okay, I’d be okay. But if it was okay okay, I’d be super okay too, and so on.”

Philza blinked, trying to keep up with Missa’s rambling. “Missa… you’re spiraling.”

Missa I looked at him and on his face there was a grimace that denoted the 'seriousness' of what he was saying. . “No, I’m not spiraling! I’m just… clarifying! There’s a difference between okay, okay okay, and super okay! It’s all about tone. You can’t just throw around okay like it doesn’t mean different things in different situations.”

Philza raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “And how does this apply to… whatever just happened?”

“Well,” Missa said, pausing for dramatic effect. “If you’re saying it’s just *okay*, then we’re good. But if you say it’s *okay okay*, then I need to know if that means we’re more than good, or if we’re heading toward ‘everything is awesome’ territory. And if we’re at *super okay*, well… then… you know.”

“I actually do not. I’m so lost,” Philza admitted.

“I know you know,” Missa said with a grin.

“Missa, you kissed me,” Philza said firmly.

“Allegedly!” Missa replied. “We have not yet deciphered this situation.”

“Missa, I was there, I saw it, I felt it… and I—”

“As far as I know, kisses are between two people. I don’t remember, or maybe I do, nothing like that,” Missa interrupted.

Philza leaned in and kissed him.

“Did you just kiss me?” Missa asked, now with a hint of excitement.

“Yes, alright?” Philza said, his patience wearing thin.

“Just super okay,” Missa replied, his eyes sparkling with relief.

[lillian-gallows]

Kinktober Day 11: Petplay with Hancock.

Pairing: John Hancock x Fem!Reader/Sole

Word Count: 2689

Warnings: Petplay, Oral (M receiving), Reader/Sole is refered to as Kitten and Kitty, P in V sex, Unprotected sex (Wrap it before you tap it), Mention of Reader/Sole being in Subspace. Kinktober Master(sub)list.

Minors DNI

“Petplay?” His raspy voice questioned as we shared a cigarette on the couch in his office in the Statehouse.

“Yeah.” You answered hesitantly, eyes locked on the burning cherry as you took a slow drag. “It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like, but the jist is one partner pretends to be an animal, most go for a dog or a cat, easiest to imitate, and the other partner is the owner. Sometimes it’s sexual, sometimes it’s not…For me it is…” You were thankful for the low light of the room as you felt your face flaring.

It wasn’t every day that you asked your partner to treat you like a cat in bed, even if it was something you’d done before, but it was different when time for ‘normal’ sex was so far between because of, you know, total atomic annihilation taking over the world.

“And you want us to try it?” He clarified carefully, taking the cig back from you and taking a drag. You knew Hancock was no stranger to risky sex or kink, the man had openly told you about some of his craziest sexcapades in his life, but there was still a measure of fear and vulnerability in what you were asking that made you worry for his answer.

“Yeah.” You said on a breath, like you’d just been holding it.

“You know, Dollface, you never cease to surprise me. Just when I think I got you all figured out, you ask for some of the sexiest shit I’ve ever heard of.” He smirked as you realized he was being aloof on purpose.

You let out a hard sigh as some of the anxiety bled from you. “Dick…” You muttered, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to find a time to ask about it, we’re both just always so busy, either with the Minutemen, or Goodneighbor, or Shawn…Hard to find a good time for anything but a quickie.”

He nodded along with your words, you were right, things had been unusually busy as of late. “Then maybe it’s time we take a day or two to ourselves, I can leave Goodneighbor in Fahrenheits hands, you can leave Preston in charge for a bit, I bet Piper or Nick would love to have Shawn for a day or two.” He pulled you to his side and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Then, we can have at each other till the sun comes up and goes back down again.” He pressed another sweet kiss to your head, then he whispered in your ear. “I wanna hear what my kitty sounds like when she purrs for me…”

His words sent a thrill down your spine and made butterflies flutter in your belly. There was heat in your eyes as you looked up at him, seconds from leaning in for a kiss when a sharp knock sounded at the office door. “Quick fucking, there’s work needs done!” Came Fahrenheits ever annoyed voice.

“Wish we had been fucking…” Hancock groaned as he threw his head back in frustration, then looked at you out the corner of his eyes. “Duty calls, Sweets.” Then he was on his feet and offering his hand to you. “Care to join? I think most of these thugs are more scared of you thank her at this point.” He joked.

You snorted a laugh as you let him pull you to your feet. “With Ashmaker in her hands, somehow I doubt that…” You answered as you both went to meet with the redhead.

It was another three weeks before everything was set up for you and Hancocks little vacation. As far as you knew, that was because of how long it took for everything to calm down even slightly and get word sent to all the parties involved in making it happen, but what you didn’t know was that it was partially Hancock stalling while he waited for a surprise to arrive by courier.

But when all was ready, Shawn was in Diamond City with Piper and Nat, Fahrenheit was ruling the roost in Goodneighbor, and Preston was shooing you away with the promise to keep the Minutemen from imploding in your absence.

This meant you and Hancock could disappear to your hidey-hole in the Red Rocket Station, where no one would bother you.

Walking through the door felt like being able to breathe again.

Hancock wasted no time taking your pack from you and disappearing into the backroom, which had long since been repurposed as a bedroom. “I’ll take care of these, go ahead and start getting comfortable.” He said with a quick kiss to your cheek before he was gone.

His rush had been expected, he was as pent up at you, but usually that meant he was clingy, wanting constant contact and never leaving your side. Normally he would have asked you to come with him to unpack.

Rather than let your suspicious curiosity get the better of you, you went to the garage, also repurposed as a living room, and fixed the pair of you a couple drinks then plopping down on the couch with a happy sigh.

Hancock called into the room a moment later asking if you minded turning the radio on, and when you got up to do so you heard him enter the room behind you. There was a split second of shuffling before he was at your back, pressing kisses to your neck and down to where it met your shoulder.

“God, I missed this…” He hummed happily as a slow song began to play.

The pair of you started to sway before he turned you and pulled you into a proper slow dance, foreheads pressed together tenderly, lost each other’s embrace as music filled the room.

He spun you slowly before pulling you back in and pulling you into a kiss, soft and slow just like the moment. No rushing, no urgency, just you and him, and all the time in the world to enjoy each other.

When the song ended you both sat on the couch to enjoy your drinks and relax from the road. Conversation never lacked for the pair of you, even if you were being very intentional about not talking about work, there were a thousand and one things you two could and did talk about.

Once your glasses were empty Hancock sat up. “I have a surprise for you, figured if we wanted to do this, we were gonna do it right.” He said as he reached over the end of the couch where you couldn’t see and produced a box. “Took some time to find someone to make it, and get it to us, but it was worth it.” He said as he passed it to you.

You lifted a brow. “What is it?” You asked, though you were already opening it slowly, like you expected it to blow up. Inside you were met with a headband with a pair of cat ears on it. The quality was certainly nothing like what you’d seen pre-war, but it was still beautifully made.

Soft fur the same color as your hair on a simple thin black fabric headband, thin enough that it would disappear into your hair when you put it on. You wondered for a moment how the maker had so perfectly matched your hair color, or where the fur had been sourced from, but those were questions for later, it didn’t feel human, and that was good enough for you.

You were at a loss for words as you looked at it. It was perfect.

“I’m gonna assume from your stunned silence that you like it?” Hancock teased softly as he watched you, chuckling softly when all you could respond with was a nod. “Good. I was worried it wouldn’t arrive before we left, but the courier showed up while you were packing yesterday.” He admitted, looking down at it bashfully. “You barely missed seeing him before he left.”

You recalled the moment he was talking about; you’d come outside to ask him where something was and he was holding the box and jumped when you said his name, then made a comment about needing to cut down on the jet.

“Wanna put it on?” He asked, an excited expectancy radiating from him, like a kid on Christmas morning.

You nodded. “Mind giving me a hand?” You asked, offering it to him.

“It would be my pleasure.” He said as he scooted closer and took it from you then carefully slipped the band around your head, moving your hair around till it covered the band and left only the ears visible.

“How’s it look?” You asked as he sat back to look at you.

“Purrfect.” He joked with a smirk, pulling a snorting laugh from you.

“Shut up, you cornball!” You managed through your giggles.

He leaned in as they died down and with a much softer grin said. “Beautiful. You’re always beautiful, but they suit you perfectly.” Then he pulled you into a tender kiss.

When you parted you felt the air shift slightly. “C-can I…?” You didn’t need to finish the question before he was nodding, eyes half lidded and full of heat.

He watched as you slipped off the couch to settle on the floor between his legs, sitting back on your heels in as close a manner to how a cat sits as you can manage, hands on the floor between your knees. His lips parted as he let out a careful breath at the sight.

“Look at you…” He drawled as he looked you over. “Never seen a prettier kitty in my life.” He said, slipping into the part of the owner easily, and you preened under his praise as he sat up a bit and ran a rough hand over your head, petting you sweetly.

Slipping into the headspace was easy, even after all the time that had passed, a small mewl fell from your lips as you nuzzled into his touch happily, and he continued to pet you as you settled against his leg, lazily rubbing into him the way a cat does when scenting, making little sounds like a purr.

“Such a good girl, Kitten…So beautiful…” He was speaking softly as he watched you descend further and further into subspace.

He’s seen you like this plenty of times, the two of you are kinky ass motherfuckers and it comes with the territory, but he never gets tired of watching your brain go blank and float away, the way your muscles loosen and the tension in your face drains away.

And God does he love to take care of you when you’re like that.

“Kitties don’t wear clothes, do they?” He murmured as he looked you over.

One could call it a team effort, taking off your clothes, but really it was mostly you lifting your arms and maneuvering however he needed you to to get them off, and once you were sat there, fully nude, was when you saw he was already hard and straining against the front of his pants.

The action was entirely without thought as you leaned in and nuzzled against the bulge, and it punched a shocked groan out of him. “Fuck, baby…!” He gasped, but didn’t stop you as you continued, but soon it wasn’t enough for either of you, and you reached out to untie the flag he used as a belt to get access to what you wanted.

“So needy, Kitten…Here, let me help.” He said, moving your fumbling fingers out of the way and taking over, untying the flag, then unbuttoning and zipping the past, pulling himself free with a relieved sigh.

“No paws, don’t want those claws to hurt me, do you?” He said with a teasing quirk of his lips.

You shook your head before leaning in, first brushing your lips over his sensitive tip, followed by your tongue. Calling them kitten licks is on the nose, but it’s really the only way to describe how you ran your tongue over his heated flesh.

When the tip began to leak you took it in your mouth and gave a slow suck, earning a low moan and hand gripping your hair. “Shit…Just like that…” He moaned as you sank lower, taking more of him in till you could bob your head slowly.

A look up found him already looking down at you, lips parted and breaths coming hard, eyes dark and drinking you in like water, it made a wave of heat roll through you, making your thighs clench in an effort to get some relief.

His eyes darted down to track the movement. “Think you can go to the bedroom for me? I’ll be right behind you.” He promised as he gazed down at you with those pitch-black eyes, always so full of life and emotion for all their monochrome color.

You made a sound like an affirmative and shifted to your hands and knees, now fully in the headspace and feeling no shame or embarrassment at crawling through the makeshift house to the bedroom, the whole time feeling his eyes on you.

You waited kneeling on the floor for him, and he came in shortly after with a can of clean water and a rag in hand, which found their home on the nightstand.

He stood over you next to the bed and patten the mattress. “Up you go.” He prompted, and you wasted not time climbing up. Once you were settled, he returned to petting your hair with one hand while the other tilted your chin up to look at him, he had this look in his eyes like he could stare at you forever if you let him.

Your eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in and left kisses on your forehead, then your temple, cheek, nose, and then finally lips. You sighed into the contact and leaned in, hands gripping at the sheets to keep you from falling into him with how off kilter you felt.

“Turn around and bend over for me, I want to see my Kittens pretty pussy.” He ordered against your lips before letting go so you could do as told.

And you did, with shaky legs and arms, body desperate for his touch, you faced away from him and pressed your face into the bed, ass in the air, which cooled the slick that had been leaking from you since you opened that box.

Hancock groans behind you at the sight before you feel him take your hips in hand. “Fuck…Now, that is a pretty sight…” He said before dragging a finger through your sopping folds. Letting out a high pleading sound you pressed back into his hold, only to earn a light slap to your rear. “Now, now. Don’t be impatient.” He chided before his touch disappeared, leaving you feeling a little adrift.

But then you heard the sound of fabric hitting the floor and his touch returned, and this time it was the thick tip of his cock that was teasing you, and it took everything in you not to buck back into him, desperate for him to fill you up.

Thankfully he didn’t make you wait long before he was pushing into you, his low moan mixing with your high gasp as he pushed in to the hilt. No movements were made for a short moment, the air was silent, then he started moving, and the sounds of skin on skin, the wet noises of his cock filling over and over, and both your pleasure wracked voiced formed a symphony in the room.

It was the kind of noise you couldn’t make at home, lest someone hear through the hole riddled walls.

The pleasure was shorter lived than either of you would have liked, so pent up from weeks without each other, that you both build up and came crashing down in a mess of shaking limbs and grasping hands.

But as quickly as the first round ended, the second one began, and Hancock was far from done with his Kitten.

[boots-with-the-fur-club]

Chapter 1 of These Are Not Our Masks!

@daboyau

@iobsesswaytoomuch

@that-0n3-shr00mi3-guy

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list!

“This person clearly wasn’t media literate enough to truly understand the beauty of Jupiter Jim Pluto Vacation 4, so I graciously decided to school them.” Donnie puts a hand to his chest smugly.

Leo taps away at his phone with a smile on his face.

Donnie’s phone vibrates.

“Gasp! ‘Just because I have a five head doesn’t mean I know everything!?’ How do they know how big my forehead is!?”

Leo glances at a make believe audience with a smirk.

“Just block ‘em Donnie.” Raph advises.

“But then they win! And I have never lost an internet battle before!”

“What about that one time in the Atomic Lass forum?” Mikey comments.

“We don’t speak of that.”

Raph chuckles before something catches his eye.

“Hey guys! Shiny trash!”

The other three ooo at the prospect of something cool having been thrown away.

They all stare at each other for a second before sprinting towards the alleyway, shoving and pushing all the while.

So distracted, none of them notice the several figures rushing away further into the alley.

Leo swipes the item first.

“Ha! It’s mine-!” He pricks his finger and drops it out of surprise.

Raph snatches it up.

“Wrong! Raph’s got it! And he ain’t sharing!”

Leo pouts and holds his hand.

“No fair, that thing has it out for me! It bites!”

“It can’t bite, Leo. Masks don’t have teeth.” Donnie corrects, hand snaking up to try to get it from Raph.

“Oh is that what it is?”

The item is a metallic red with black, almost lace looking patterns. The sharp areas are constructed almost like some kind of warrior’s helmet.

Raph smacks Donnie’s hand away and raises the mask up high.

“Looks like it, and I told you, Raph ain’t sharing!”

“No fair! This is the coolest trash we’ve found in weeks!” Mikey whines, trying to climb up on his shell.

Raph picks up Mikey with his other hand and places him back on the ground.

“Spiky guy gets the the sharp mask thing! Those are the rules and I’m the spikiest guy here.”

A thought occurs to Donnie.

“Maybe I should take a look at it with my goggles.”

“You are such a sore loser.” Leo nudges him.

“You do remember pieces of the armor we’re looking for wound up in the trash, right?” Donnie raises an eyebrow.

“None of the pieces looked nearly as cool as this mask does.”

“For once, Leo’s right. It’s got the coolest color a turtle can wear.” Raph smirks as he places it on his face.

Donnie is less than enthusiastic at being called out despite their statements being mostly correct.

He swipes his goggles down and his heart nearly stops.

The mystics in the mask are at extremely high levels, but that’s not even close to being the biggest issue.

It’s spreading.

“Take it off.”

“Come on Donnie, red’s not even your color. How’s it feel being fab, big guy?” Leo comments, leaning on Raph’s arm.

Something squirms out of the sides of the mask.

“Take it off!” Donnie screams, reaching out.

Leo only has time for his eyes to widen before a fist suddenly slams into the side of his face.

He’s sent flying right into a wall where his shell painfully absorbs the blow. Most of it, anyways.

This is a harder hit than Raph usually ever gives so he was completely unprepared.

“Raph! Why did you do that!?” Mikey rushes over to Leo.

Donnie grips his tech bō tightly.

“R-Raph?”

His brother turns to him slowly before grabbing him by the throat and lifting him up.

Donnie struggles, hitting a hand against his arm.

Mikey looks back and gasps.

“Raph! Stop! What are you doing!?”

Raph cocks his head sharply to stare at Donnie, completely ignoring Mikey.

“Help Donnie, I’ll be fine.” Leo winces.

Mikey frowns but nods and goes back to them.

Raph sees him, looking with a calculated gaze.

He uses Donnie to hit Mikey with and sends them both tumbling to the ground.

They both groan in pain.

Raph moves faster than he should be able to at them.

Leo suddenly moves just as quickly, his odachis drawn and being used to block the next hit.

“Guys, I am definitely not going to be able to hold him back for long! We need to do something!”

Donnie comes to his defense, jabbing his tech bō into the crook of Raph’s neck and sending a wave of electricity through him.

Raph actually growls at them.

No.

It’s more of a roar.

The tendrils coming from the mask squirm like they’re in pain until Raph opens his mouth wide and bites down, chomping the bō into two pieces.

Donnie barely catches the half that wasn’t in his grip.

He stares down in horror at knowing that this could easily have been an arm, potentially his or Leo’s.

Mikey takes this opportunity to jump onto Raph from behind and tries pulling the mask off.

Raph slams him right into the wall behind them as hard as he can.

Mikey shouts in pain and slides down onto the ground when Raph moves away.

Leo goes back to having to keep Raph from hitting him and Donnie.

Things only get worse when a bunch of Foot Soldiers suddenly start rushing into the alleyway.

“Donnie. Grab Mikey.” Leo says so seriously that Donnie is caught off guard.

Donnie dives to avoid Raph grabbing at him and pulls Mikey close to him.

“I got him, but we need a way out!”

Leo looks at Raph and smiles unsteadily.

“I won’t leave you behind big guy, promise.”

Donnie wracks his brain for Leo to be able to keep that promise somehow.

“If you buy me time, I could try to get my battle shells to-“

“I love you guys, tell dad what happened!”

“What!? Leo-!” Donnie is interrupted by the portal that appears under him and Mikey.

Leo closes it right away, barely avoiding any of The foot getting to it.

Raph quickly gets fed up and starts coming after Leo again. There’s no opportunity for him to open another portal with both his brother and The Foot being so unrelenting.

His odachis get broken anyways when Raph grabs and snaps them like they’re two twigs.

Leo has no way of defending himself against the blows anymore except with his arms and dodging.

Raph’s ferocity and the sheer numbers against him leave Leo open to something grabbing his ankle.

He flails in the air before realizing what exactly wrapped around it.

The Foot stop attacking and even Raph seems more still as the looming figure approaches.

“Draxum! What did you do to my brother!?” Leo yells through gritted teeth.

He wants to wipe the smug look off the dumb sheepman’s face.

Draxum approaches Raph first, examining him like he’s window shopping.

Raph growls and looks ready to use his strong jaw against the helmet Draxum wears but seems held back by something unseen.

“He’s twitchier than I thought he’d be. No matter, the job has mostly been done.” Draxum observes.

“Stop pretending I’m not here! Tell me!” Leo insists, swinging in the air due to his angry movements.

Another vine approaches Leo, this one with a flower right in front of his face.

Leo stares at angrily and with confusion before it sprays him in the face.

He coughs as the pollen irritates his lungs.

“Ew, seriously!? Talk about….insult to….injury….” Leo trails off, the energy in his body waning.

His eyes slowly shut despite how much he doesn’t want them to.

When he wakes up again, both his arms and legs are held against a wall with thick vines.

He struggles heavily against them.

“You’re not getting out of there, turtle.”

Leo looks over at the source of the voice.

“Foot Recruit. They bump you down to prisoner guarding duty?”

She punches into the wall next to his head.

“No! I just came to relish in your capture.”

“Then why did you do that!?”

Foot Recruit removes her fist.

“Because you are always annoying but I’m not allowed to hit you yet.”

Leo tilts his head.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why not yet?”

She smirks.

“You’re going to be working for us, just like your brother.”

Leo tenses.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re a fool for assuming Draxum didn’t make more than one mask.”

“How many did he make!?”

“Are you too dumb to remember how many brothers you have?”

Leo struggles more violently.

“Do you even want us working with you!? You hate us! Let me go and we can go back to being enemies!”

Foot Recruit turns away.

“With me? No. Draxum and I are partners! You’ll working for us both, for the entire clan! We’ll get the rest of the Dark Armor in no time with you out of the way.”

Leo’s heart nearly stops.

Could Draxum have…?

He really, really hopes not.

Especially if he’s about to experience what it does.

Leo swallows nervously.

“You think Draxum sees you as an equal? You’re human. He’s trying to get rid of humanity. All that’ll happen is him using you or worse!”

Foot Recruit scoffs.

“I know what I’m doing and what you’re trying to do. Draxum warned me.”

“Warned you!? About what!?”

“What he made you to do. It made me see why you kept interfering so well. It also made me see that you’re only pretending to be so dumb.”

“I am not pretending! I swear!”

“Silence! There’s no escaping your destiny, turtle. You’ve already done so for too long. Be honored to be a part of the Foot Clan.” She walks off.

“No! Come back!”

Someone else takes her place in the room.

“I see you were trying to put my work to good use.” Draxum smirks.

“Your work? Trying to take credit for the less absent father in my life?” Leo fakes a cocky smile.

Draxum walks close to him.

“I would have been in your life if I knew you existed sooner, and if you hadn’t been fighting me this much.”

Leo immediately feels uncomfortable from this proximity.

“You dropped me off a roof! Am just supposed to believe you!?”

“Fair point, which is why I made these.” Draxum grabs his face.

Leo tries to thrash his head around but the grip is too strong.

“Don’t touch me!”

Draxum tightens his hold as one of his vines holds up a new mask.

The expression of it looked like both a tragedy and comedy mask, one half of each. It’s metallic blue with a square checkered pattern and red lines over the eyes.

It reminds him of a jester.

“I would prefer keeping your face unobstructed, but no matter. I’m sure the skills I gave you will triumph.” Draxum starts bringing the mask to his face.

Leo keeps struggling.

“Wait wait wait! Can’t we talk first!? You can try to convince me again! Or explain your evil plan! Don’t you want a nice evil monologue!?”

“I could, but I won’t give you time to stall.” Draxum places the mask on him.

Leo screams out as something feels like it’s digging into his skull.

Draxum takes a step back, arms folded over his chest while he waits for the yelling to subside.

Eventually it does and the vines finally release Leo.

He falls onto his hands and knees.

“I’m aware that Lou Jitsu has given you a name twice before. While he has immense physical prowess, names are not included in his talent. When I imbued these masks with some of my own mystic energy I corresponded commands with your true names. Artemis! Show me what you can do!”

Portals start appearing all over the place despite Leo not having his weapon.

He slides into one and Draxum’s eyes dart to each of them to try to guess which one he’ll leave from.

The moment he sees something come out of one his vine grabs it.

It’s just Leo’s fanny pack.

Draxum gets pummeled into by a blue blur that disappears before he can react.

It happens over and over again as Leo propels himself through different portals at high speeds.

Draxum sends out his vines again near every portal to stop him.

When one does catch him, he rips it apart and tosses it through another portal to hit Draxum in the eye.

While he’s distracted, Leo tackles him and goes for the throat.

“Artemis! Stop!” Draxum commands.

Leo barely stops with his fingers mere milliliters from Draxum’s neck. His breathing is heavy, but at the same time, it sounds like he was just itching to finish the job.

“Get rid of your portals.” Draxum orders.

Leo hesitates but the portals go away one by one.

Draxum smiles widely.

“Excellent.”

[killerheelsonadiscodancefloor]

hi!!! i saw u write “seth cohen x reader” on a post and if its no hassle PLEASEEE doo it i cant find any<333

this ask made my year!! so excited to be able to write for seth cohen <33 sorry for the awkward ending, hopefully i’ll get the chance to write more for him!

pest | seth cohen x reader

warnings: none really, just fluff!

     the only word i could currently use to describe seth cohen is unbelievable. well, truly i have a few more choice words, but considering i’m seated at his parents’ kitchen island it doesn’t seem like a good time to linger on them. as hard as i try to keep a smile on my face and participate in the conversation with the cohens, they both can read me better than that.

     kirsten stops mid sentence and reaches across the island to rest her hand on my arm. “i know you’re worried about seth,” she started in a gentle voice. i quickly shook my head. “no, i mean—it’s nothing. it’s fine.” i reply, plastering a smile on my face. sandy shakes his head, making an almost cartoonish ‘tsk’ noise. “i’ve been married long enough to know that ‘fine’ isn’t really fine. you can tell us what’s going on, you know.” 

     “just because he’s our son doesn’t mean we’re blind to when he’s wrong.” kirsten reassured, correctly reading my uncertain face. “if anything, we’re the best equipped to give you advice about when he’s wrong. or maybe ryan.” sandy chimed in after her.

     i sighed, unable to keep my frustration to myself anymore. “it’s just—i understand that seth is passionate about going to RISD and working on atomic county again and everything but it feels like he’s in a relationship with his work instead of me, you know? we barely see each other anymore because he’s so absorbed in it. even now, like how often are we home? and he still can’t pull himself away from his desk. i just wish he wouldn’t let himself miss life because he’s so wrapped up in his work.” i took another deep breath and let my head fall into my hands. 

     “ah, the cohen curse!” sandy exclaimed. i shot a puzzled look at kirsten, expecting one in return, and was surprised to see she had a look of fond understanding instead. “the cohen curse?” i asked after a long moment. kirsten nodded with a wry smile and gestured for sandy to explain. “us cohen men are very dedicated, particularly to the things we are passionate about. in this case, our work. i can't tell you how many late nights i pulled at berkeley—and how many more i would’ve pulled if kirsten didn’t pull me away from my textbooks.”

     i looked to kirsten, who nodded sagely in confirmation. “sometimes you just have to force them to take a break. these cohens are stubborn as mules.” she joked. “oh please, you sound just like your father.” sandy groaned dramatically. they shared a fond look as i sat there debating whether or not i should attempt to pry seth away from atomic county. 

     finally, with a deep breath, i stood up from the island and exited the kitchen. i turned once more in the doorway to share a last conspiratorial grin with the cohens before taking the stairs two at a time in my eagerness to get to seth’s childhood room. i gave a cursory knock on the cracked door before letting myself in.

     “(y/n)!” seth called in greeting as he pushed his rolling chair back from the desk. “what can i do for you, my dear?” he asks with a grin extending his hands out to me. i grin back easily. this was going much better than i thought it would. i stroll forward and perch on his lap. “i was thinking that maybe you could use a break, cohen.” i replied, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

     “ah, no can do.” he immediately clammed up with a grimace. “what?” i burst out. seth nervously pats my sides in what i assume is supposed to be a calming gesture. “i’ve just got so many ideas for the plot, you know, and i don’t wanna forget them or anything so i just gotta get ‘em all on the page before i lose them.” he hurriedly explains. i sigh deeply.

     “well bullet point them in a notebook, we’re home seth! you should be soaking up all the time you have here until we go back to school. ryan’s supposed to be coming over later, you really want to miss out on all of us back here because you’re working?” i asked with a pout. seth examines my face for a moment before tossing his head back with a groan. 

     “you know i can’t say no to that face.” he mutters with a frustrated pout of his own. i allow the corners of my mouth to curl into a small smile. “come on cohen.” i mumble, egging him on with a challenging look and a poke in the ribs. “fine.” seth draws the word out dramatically as i grin. “guess i might as well spend time with my family or whatever.”

     i hum as i get up and recline on his bed. “you’re cute when you’re all sarcastic.”

     “really,” seth counters as he gets up and flops on the bed next to me, resting his chin on my chest, “i’m cute all the time. hey!” he dodges my flick to his forehead by a second. “you’re cute most of the time.” i counter with a raised brow. “i’ll take it.” he concedes easily, burrowing his head into my shoulder. 

     i massage his neck for a minute before struggling into a sitting position. seth groans at the disruption, reaching a hand out to me with a grabbing gesture. “come on, your parents are downstairs. we should go hang out.” i say gently, prodding him in the back. “but we could have so much fun right here.” he complains. i fix him with a stern look. once he meets my eyes, he folds. “alright, alright. paying our dues to the elders it is.” i snort as his commentary, pulling on his arm to get him up. 

     as we walk towards his door, he makes sure to drag his feet. “always one for the dramatics.” i sing. seth gasps exaggeratedly, throwing his hand up to grip his shirt over his heart. “who, me?” he asks in a “shocked” voice. i grin at his theatrics before grabbing his hand to continue dragging him to the door, where i can already see his eyes beginning to stray towards his desk. 

     “don’t even think about it, cohen.” i warn good-naturedly.

     “yeah, yeah.” seth grumbles back lightheartedly. he wraps his arm around my shoulders and i finally feel fully victorious as we head down the stairs.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are Weird: Need for speed

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)        

Alien: It is so nice to meet another space faring species.

Alien: We have been alone for so long; we were starting to believe that we were the only ones out there.

Alien: Can you imagine how stupid that is?

Human: Yeah……that’d be pretty silly.

Alien: How far away is your homeworld?

Human: *Pulls out datapad and enters several keys*

Human: From our current location it would be roughly ten lightyears away.

Alien: TEN!?!?!

Alien: Our ships have barely been able to survive a journey of two lightyears.

Alien: *Looks around at the thousands of humans mingling with their people*

Alien: Do your ships normally need this many crew?

Human: Oh no.

Human: We’re a colony ship enroute to a potential habitable world.

Human: It’s still some three lightyears away but when we picked up your transmissions we diverted course to meet you.

Alien: If your destination is still so far away.

Alien: Your cryo chamber must be highly advanced to sustain themselves for such a long journey.

Human: Cryo chambers?

Alien: You know; the cold storage chambers you put your crew and passengers in.

Alien: Our most advanced ships can travel between our planets within three years.

Alien: Even our most advanced engineers dare not even consider traveling a distance of ten or more lightyears.

Alien: How many years have you been in transit?

Human: Years?

Human: We’ve been in transit for a little over a month.

Alien: …………..

Alien: Did you say a month?

Human: I guess maybe a month and, like, three days; but a month just sounds better.

Alien: If that were true, then you would have had to been traveling at roughly-

Human: Very fast, we know.

Human: Don’t ask me to do the math, it hurts my brain.

Alien: How is that even possible?

Human: At the front of our ships we developed a special matter condenser that basically functions as a sudo mini black hole.

Human: When activated the black hole begins excreting gravitational pull on the ship which pulls us like water going down a drain.

Human: Since our projected paths avoid any gravitational anomalies we essentially have a clear path forward with ever increasing speed.

Alien: You generate black holes….to make you go faster……

Human: Sudo mini black holes, to be more precise.

Alien: I ….just….. what…

Alien: At those speeds your body, let alone your entire ship would be reduced to atoms.

Human: True, but a nifty side effect of the black hole is as long as we are caught in its well outside physics become distorted.

Human: While we are in the pull it feels like nothing more than leaning forward down a steep hill.

Alien: How do you even slow down at such speeds?

Alien: The force required to halt such speeds would be equal to if not greater than.

Human: Oh we just use the same sudo mini black hole generator at the back of the ship a few lightyears out to begin deceleration.

Human: We started slowing down three lightyears from you before we altered course to come visit.

Alien: I…..I just don’t know what to say.

Alien: Such technology seems so far advanced and beyond our comprehension.

Alien: Isn’t it dangerous?

Human: Oh extremely.

Human: I can’t even begin to tell you how many ships had improperly aligned their black hole generators and were sucked inside it the moment it activated.

Human: Or when a passing comet would alter the trajectory and send the ship flying headfirst into a nearby planet creating a new asteroid belt.

Human: That’s not even mentioning the gravity disturbance waves we leave behind us.

Alien: All of those sound terrible beyond measure.

Alien: Why not find a safer means of travel?

Alien: We can share our cryo technology with you and you can make your own ark ships.

Human: That’s a very kind offer, but we have already attempted cryo sleep transit.

Alien: Was it not safer than using literal black holes?

Human: To a degree.

Alien: Meaning?

Human: While it was safer, studies showed that crew and passengers had increased risks of developing space insanity if the journey lasted longer than five years.

Human: Some adapted naturally but the many had spent their lives planetside and were not ready for the mental and physical strains of space life.

Human: They snapped and became rabid; a devolution to a more primitive nature.

Alien: So let me get this straight.

Alien: Your people travels via black hole tug of wars because if you go slowly you go insane and become rabid?

Human: Yup.

Alien: How is that even possible?

Human: Well waiting patiently went out of style after the third Karen war.

Alien: The what?

[mlmxreader]

On The Cliffs | Alfie Solomons x m!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ Alfie Solomons x Reader (I'm sorry, I'm such a hoe for Alfie. It's not even funny) -> "I've missed the breeze of my home shores" [This seems so reader finding Alfie alive at Margate] ❞

: ̗̀➛ It's easy for Alfie to leave the war behind and to talk openly about the things he had done during his service, but while he bears one lot of scars, he's also acutely aware that you carry with you the ghost of the war - and maybe it was a mistake for him to ask you to meet him in Margate.

trigger warnings: ̗̀➛ trauma disorders, delusions & hallucinations, swearing, usage of the word "fag" as a slang term for cigarette, graphic depictions of war, cancer mentions

↳ word count: 1004

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

The cool ocean breeze was a violent reminder that you did not, could not, ever shake off what had happened during the war; Alfie made it look all too easy, he made it seem as if the war was enjoyable at times, and the way he spoke so freely and easily about it was enviable.

You never could talk about the war, even when Alfie arranged for you to see that head doctor - you could not talk about it.

With the cool ocean breeze on your face, you were brought back to the tall cliffs of Gallipoli, and the year that bloodshed never ceased. The sand mixed with blood from the destroyed lives of young boys, the endless screaming and constant crunch of bone and machinery.

The symphony of death that never stopped, not even for a split second; the year that seemed to never end.

The year you left Camden for good.

You never did truly come back, and now, stood on the sands of Margate, you were still over in Gallipoli. You doubted that Alfie was alive after everything that had happened with Tommy Shelby, but he always said that he would go to Margate.

Maybe if you weren’t still stuck in the war, staring out at the ocean, you would have been able to see that he was in the small house nearby, watching you. Glad that you had come out of hiding when you had agreed to it.

It didn’t take long for him to get a move on, trudging down the beach with his dog at his side as he approached; he knew that look in your eyes. He had seen it a thousand and one times - the cold, empty, endless stare.

The ghost of the war taking over and possessing every single molecule your body was made up of; every atom and every fibre. He was hesitant at first, debating on whether or not to do it, but he reached out and gently rested his hand on your shoulder; giving it a little squeeze to tell you that he was there.

He wasn’t going anywhere at all.

“Y’know,” he started, his voice gravelly and low. Like it had been during that first gas attack back… back then. “The reason why I told you to come here was ‘cause I’ve missed the breeze of my home shores… and as far as I’m concerned, it ain’t properly home til you’re with me… I’m just… I’m just so fuckin’ sorry that it’s such a shit reminder of… well, you know, I don’t gotta fuckin’ explain that.”

You nodded slowly, moving to get next to him so that you could put your head against his shoulder as you sighed heavily and swallowed thickly. “Won’t go away, Alf.”

He shook his head, swallowing thickly. “No, it won’t. I know. I know… but we’re home now. You’ll see, we’ll be alright. We’ll be alright.”

You leaned into him, nearly toppling yourselves over as you did your best to get as close as you possibly could; shaking your head and grumbling about how the sand was turning red and black. How the ground was shaking and the guns would not stop.

Alfie couldn’t see it, the sand still looked brown to him; the ground was still, and the only thing he could hear was the gentle lap of the waves as they went back and forth with the soft tide.

But he knew that if it was real to you, then it was real enough for him; so he put his arm around you, encouraging you to bury yourself against his body as he rubbed your back gently. Slowly coaxing you into the house until he had you sitting at the small dinner table. 

“Jerry’s gone for the night,” Alfie told you gently, softly pushing a cup of tea into your hand. “We’re alright now. Command’ll come and relieve us tomorrow.”

You nodded, taking a sip from your cup. “We going back to France?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah… yeah, we’re goin’ back to France. Then we’ll be shipped off home.”

You cleared your throat, licking your lips. “They’re gonna send us home?”

“Yeah!” Alfie smiled sadly. “Yeah, they’re gonna… gonna send us home.”

It hurt when that happened, when you were so thoroughly possessed by the war that you were still there; you weren’t the man he had fallen in love with and brought home to Camden and Margate. No.

No, you the soldier under his command again; the soldier who used to train rats to perform tricks in the trenches and who taught him the best way to fry lice and fleas so they actually tasted like rice.

You were the soldier who he called his best friend; you weren’t his partner, not at that moment. It hurt him to see you that way, but he knew it was bound to happen; one way or another, the war never truly went away and he knew more about that than most people did.

It was all through his body, after all - he was riddled with it. But you… well, yours wasn’t so much seen as it was thought.

Everyone took something from the war - Alfie took the cancer, you took the ghost.

“We’ll be home by December,” he told you with a weak smile, hoping  you didn’t pick up on his quieter tone. “And don’t fuckin’ forget - you said you’d buy me a packet of fags when we get to Dover.”

You nodded, daring to smile a little. “That’s if we make it that long, y’know. You saw what happened to Lars and Alejandro.”

His face fell a little as he let out a long sigh. “Lars was just a kid… may his memory be a blessin’...”

“Could happen to us next,” you pointed out. “Jerry’s only ‘round the corner.”

“C’mon,” Alfie said as he cleared his throat. “Let’s have a fag and then go to bed, yeah? Daniel and Rupert’s on duty tonight, so we can get some sleep before we get sent home.”

hi! thank you so much for reading! you know, as you're reading, Deyaa is still looking for donations to get himself & his family out of Gaza to escape the ongoing genocide - if you have any money whatsoever, even if it's just £1, then please consider donating. Even a little bit can go such a long way in helping!

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Y is for -- Yes Man

Yay! Golly, who doesn't love Yes Man? He's just such a sarcastic little sweetheart and I'm not immune to his adorable, securitron charms. So, here's this!

I hope you all enjoy!

And with this, that's it!!

Thank you all so much for being a part of my lil 2k celebration! It was so amazing seeing everyone's reactions to these prompts, and literally SUCH a treat to write for some of these more "unfamiliar" characters! Love you all, and thank you so much for celebrating with me!

Next event updates will be coming... very soon 👀 So stay tuned for that! ❤️😊

And here is the 2k event masterlist, for your browsing pleasure!

--

Pair: Yes Man & Reader

Dialogue: “Promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up.”

Word: Yours

Rating: SFW

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 1.7k

You paced back and forth around the hotel room, the only sound the scuffling of your slippered feet and the scrawl of your pen over the legal pad in your hands. 

“Is it enough, though? Did we even cover the–” Your eyes narrowed as you looked over your scribbled notes, trying (and failing) to blink the sleep from them as you attempted to decipher the chicken scratch upon the page. “The Boomers? What’re we doing about them when we take power, I mean, I haven’t even met with them yet, what if I get–” 

“Yep, we sure did talk about them, Six! Remember? In the first meeting we had today! The one at 4 in the morning that you insisted on! You remember now?” 

“The one… oh yeah, I do now.” You chuckled, flipping through the papers on your pad to the notes you’d taken-- what was it now, ten hours ago? 

My handwriting was much easier to read this morning, that’s for sure…

“‘Send a securitron with a note…' oh yeah, that was a decent idea.” 

“Sure was!” Yes Man agreed with that same dopey, optimistic smile permanently etched upon his face. 

After so long a day, the smile became much harder to believe. 

“Definitely get your best ideas after having slept a full night, don’tcha boss?” 

“Maybe…” You bit your bottom lip at that, catching his meaning through the words easily. 

Time for bed, boss. 

He’d never give you a command outright, you knew he couldn’t. It’s not what… what Benny designed Yes Man for, after all. Still though, suggestions he gave rather often. And this suggestion, most often of all. 

How many days has it been since I let myself sleep? And here? Probably never…

Well, not since that first night, anyway.

“Six? Still thinking of some wonderful ideas, or do you want me to go and get your pajamas for you?” 

“Still thinking right now, Yes Man.” 

Though, you allowed yourself the small reprieve of sitting on the edge of the bed. The mattress gave generously as you sat upon it, the plushness of it overwhelming you after so many nights spent down in Freeside at the Wrangler. 

“Might head out pretty soon, here.” You told the bot, with the knowledge that he could easily guess where you meant to go. “You can stay here tonight though, if you want to. I’ll be back early enough, I’m sure.” 

“Sure boss, sounds like a swell idea!” Yes Man paused, but you could tell he wanted to say more, you didn’t quite know how you knew that, but something about his tone, or maybe even his expression–

I really am starting to lose it, huh? 

Yes Man’s expression doesn’t change.

Guess this is what happens when you get 3 hours of sleep a–

“Yes. I think it makes total and utter sense for you to walk to the Atomic Wrangler through the strip and Freeside– which is known to be quite dangerous– at two in the morning without me by your side to help you! And then to come back here in the morning, likely as early as four a.m. to chat with me some more! I’m so glad we’re going to have someone as dedicated, dependable and quick-witted as you leading all of New Vegas real soon! You seem completely equipped for the stresses that’ll bring!” 

You pursed your lips as he spoke, your tired gaze resting on the dull, pulsing glow of his screen lighting up with each word, casting a green-tinged gleam over the carpeted floor of the Tops' hotel suite. 

“I don’t know what to do, Yes Man.” You admitted with a small voice, and heard the turn of his wheel as he scooted closer to you to better hear your words. “I… I can’t stay here, can’t sleep in this room, after Benny…” 

With a sigh, you laid back on the bed, your body aching and pleading for a rest, even as your mind cast the sensation of a thousand ants crawling over your skin at the feel of the familiar sheets. The smell of the room, the décor, even the sounds; the dull conversations and jazz music that were all blaring far down stairs, the squeaky whine of the elevator moving along its vertical track, footsteps pattering through the halls… Anytime there was quiet, any time you weren’t moving, thinking, that Yes Man wasn’t talking, you were sucked back into your memories of this place. Your first time here, with him. 

That wretched man who tried to kill you. The asshole, who talked his way into your heart through the span of one night, who made you feel… singular. Like you could conquer the world, and run the whole thing, with him at your side. 

Just give him the chip… Just stay the night… 

Do what he said, and he would give you the world, and his heart, all at once. 

You kicked yourself every night at the thought that you ever believed him. 

But what could you say now? At the time, you were scared, you were alone and angry, and then… Then you were in love. Quickly, yes, but still, you were.

And for what?

You raked your nails down your face painfully, and a deep groan escaped you as you were caged by your own memories in this wretched room. 

“Well, Benny… Well, that guy’s gone!" Yes Man piped up, "It’s just you and me now, Six! You don’t have to worry at all–”

“I know he’s gone, Yes Man! That’s the fucking problem!” You sat up suddenly as you shouted at him, and the bot backed away from where he’d started to approach you. “He and I were supposed to do this together! Not just me and– and– fucking you.”

You were on your feet now, and Yes Man was caged in against the opposite wall as you stalked towards him, with nostrils flared and teeth in a snarl, you continued.

“You were the enemy. You told him how to follow me, knew the best place for him to fucking shoot me and leave me buried in the dirt, you were meant to plot with him from the start, and now? Now... why? Why the hell do you care what happens to me? Why are you planning all this without him? Benny was the one who made you, programmed you, what… What the hell are you doing with me, when… When you’re his.”  

There was no malice in the end, it had all escaped you in the first bouts of shouting. Now, all that was left was a somber sort of curiosity. Honest, but dejected all at once. 

Even now, I’m still holding onto a part of Benny…

“Because, Six, well… I’m not his anymore. I’m yours! I like planning this hostile takeover with you, and I like the meetings and the way you ask my opinion!” 

You looked up from where your gaze had rested on the dull, red carpet, your eyes now meeting Yes Man’s optimistic screen, and lighting up with the glow of it.   

“Benny may have asked for me to be made, and programmed the way I am, but then… Well, he left both of us, didn’t he?”   

Was that… a bit of anger and, even, a touch of sadness in his upbeat voice?

Maybe I am just losing it…     

“He was my boss, but now you are! And even more than that, you’re my friend!” 

You blinked at him, feeling your throat swell up with emotion at the word he used. 

Friend. 

“Y-you really mean that, Yes Man?”

“Sure do, pal! We’re closer than two buildings snugly adjacent to one another! And I mean it!” 

A laugh couldn’t help but pry itself from you, and you nearly fell over from the force of it. Until you felt one gentle, metal hand brace on your shoulder. 

“Don’t know why you found that so funny, friend, but I sure am glad you did! I like to see your smile! And I’m not just saying that to be nice! I know it can be hard to tell when I mean something because of the way Benny programmed my voice, but I really do mean everything that I said! And what I said right now!” 

“Okay, okay!” You were still falling over, holding your stomach as you laughed until your eyes watered. “Thank you, Yes Man, I believe you, I do.” 

Somehow, you were back on the bed, sitting with Yes Man’s hand still on your shoulder as you fought to catch your breath. 

“A-alright…” You spoke, once you’d calmed down. “I… might be able to sleep here tonight. Maybe.” 

You bit your lip again, knowing damn well you were one bite shy of making it bleed with all the nerves coursing through you. 

“Just… Can you promise me something?” 

“Sure can, once you tell me what it is!” 

“Can you just… promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up? I know it seems silly, but–”

“Yes, Six. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up!” 

A smile touched your lips at his words, and even with that feeling of foolishness at the forefront of your mind, you felt… reassured; like the sustained, comforting pressure of his hand on your shoulder. 

“Thanks… Friend.” 

“Sure thing, Six! And, I want you to know, I’m not just promising that because I have to agree with everything you say! I would promise it either way!” 

You laid back, finally feeling the fatigue in your body and mind take hold of you and force your eyelids to close and your muscles to relax into the mattress below. Still though, even in your exhaustion, you found it in you to broaden your grin at Yes Man’s words.

“Glad to hear it.” You told him, “And… goodnight, Yes Man.” 

“Goodnight, Six!” His voice was quieter, as he wheeled himself back into his corner of the room and dimmed the lights down, “I’ll see you in the morning!” 

It was almost a whisper, but still, the comforting words rang through you as you finally felt sleep take you into it’s comforting arms and lull you into a pleasant dreamland.

[itsliyahhbih]

Ambivalent Love Pt 2.

Sum: You and Hobie are both Spider people who met at HQ, always tend to go on missions together and have been friends with benefits for 6 years. After a victory celebration you’ve started to realize you want more out of him, but Hobie doesn’t necessarily get it till you stood business.

Warnings: None for this part, hope you enjoy ☺️

“...I don’t know Hobie..” Hobie feels as though his heart just sank to his ass and kinda looks at her shocked. “Alright..My bad, have a good rest of ya day luv’.” He goes to kiss her cheek but he stops and just walks out the door. Y/n closes it behind him simultaneously and lets out the biggest gasp for air ever, as if she held her breath the entire time, but really she was just fighting back tears. Soon as she let that gasp go she broke down crying and leaning on her front door. Y/n sits there wallowing in her tears, the numb feeling , the feeling of regret and heartbreak for hours after that.

Five days passed by and no one really got her to move. Not her best friends, not even her mom or dad whom she was really close to...So eventually her sister stopped by too when she finally got the time from her busy lifestyle and after getting so many messages from the others about Y/n.

“Y/n honey, I know you wanted him to make the choice you were hoping he was gonna make..but he didn’t okay?” She rubs her sisters back softly as Y/n laid on her. “And I hate to be so blunt with you during this time of need, but at this point maybe it’s what you need..Y/n you’re an amazing girl. You’re so talented, smart..beautiful inside and out.” She smiles and sits her sister up wiping away her tears. She gets up from the bed and goes to the bathroom to start her little sister a shower and picks out an outfit for her. “My whole point is behind this, if he wanted to he would , okay? And he would’ve by now I can assure you of that! I mean maybeee ! Just mother fucking maybee he is misunderstood and there’s some underlying issue behind this, who knows!” Her sister throws her hands up looking at Y/N then walks over pulling her up. “But he isn’t communicating that with you and fulfilling your needs emotionally and mentally. Are you really gonna keep sulking around over this man who isn’t doing the same about you?” She pulls up Y/n from out of her bed. “Your New York needs you honey, you have a job and a life to live..So start living it for me okay? ” She smiles sweetly at her sister and finally, Y/n cracks a smile back and speaks “you’re right Sis...I think I just, I don’t know. I needed the time to process and sulk. To have that crybaby era. I don’t get it much as Spider woman. ” She stands up “Y/B/F is definitely going to get on my ass once she sees I’m up and functioning again because I let myself be so down” she lets out a heavy sigh with a bit of a laugh “But I deserve it after all the crying and venting she had to hear these past five days

,and here you come, only taking 45 minutes.” Her sister smirks and shrugs looking very proud of herself. “Yeah what can I say, I got the older sister touch.” Y/n looks at her sister unamused , about to give that actual attention and reply, but she doesn’t. “Mmmhm I bet you do!” Y/n speaks sarcastically and takes her stuff heading to the bathroom. “Give me like an hour to get ready!” Her sister blinks rapidly and looks at the time “An hour?! Y/n we’re just gonna go work on the Atom adjuster !” She waits for a reply back , seeing she doesn’t get one she does a silent scream and stomps towards the bathroom door when it closed, then goes to sit in Y/n’s living room to wait. “Fucking hour..who says I got an hour? What the fuck you gotta look good for in a lab..” H/S/N rambles on and turns on the tv sitting in wait.

Later on that day what turned into what was supposed to be a few hours of working on this turned into Y/N deciding to stay in the lab overnight to work. H/S/N hesitated to leave her alone, but she knew this was a bit of a better coping mechanism than what Y/N was doing previously. Couple hours into her work night she starts to yawn a bit “I think ima need more coffee and a snack this time.” She glances up at the time seeing it read ‘3:42’ “Yeahh I’ll ignore that” She walks to the kitchen area, placing her mug under the Keurig and popping in a new K-cup to refill her cup. She sits at the table inside the small kitchen and scrolls through her phone waiting , then suddenly she hears some small bangs in the distance. “Great and I didn’t even have my 5th cup of coffee…” She rolls her eyes and walks out the kitchen down the hall towards the noise. “Alright IF , you’re Y/B/F and I just didn’t notice you asleep in your lab that’s my fault ,but you better speak now or forever be webbed !” She calls out in a sing-song tone, then her spidey senses tingle.

She slightly jumps as she turns her body around and moves back to web the intruder down. As she does so she shoots a web to turn on the hallway light “Hobie..” He looks up and smiles weakly “hey there beautiful, mind putting me down..I just came here to talk, Luv’..please just let me talk.” Y/N crosses her arms and leaves him in the webs. “You have the floor..” Hobie looks at his placement on the wall then looks down at the ground to see his feet aren’t touching the floor “Yeahh, I don’t know bout that one love” She rolls her eyes and walks over using a laser outta her suit cutting him down. “Hobie, start talking before I throw you outta here..” she turns away from him, her arms back to being crossed, trying her best to remain cold with him.

Hobie watches her for a minute and bites at his lip piercing a bit “Lover.. I’m sorry, okay? I’m ah pure idiot and as thick as a brick when It comes to you. Our friendship, our relationship..It means the world to me Doll, you..you mean the world to me darling.” She still doesn’t turn around and hobie looks a bit shocked “Y/n, please could you just fuckin’ look at me mate!” His tone raises and he walks over turning her around “I’m not the one to beg and you know this, but I will sit here and beg for you. I fucked up. I made you feel gross , I’m sure of it.. like you’re just a lump of ass , and you’re not ! You’re gorgeous, I miss your nerdy comments over physics, I miss the fangirling at my concerts...I just miss having you at my side.” His eyes wander around thinking of what to say to her “You’re so optimistic and smart Y/N , I admire you for who you are, and I want you to know.. I was a bloody coward for not being able to say this to you sooner. I miss you at my concerts , I miss seeing you in the morning in my boat! Swallowed in my t-shirt as you make food! " Hobie groans and walks up to her grabbing her face “I’ll break any rule for you, I’ll sound like a gushing idiot right now if I have to, but love I need you back…” She tries not to make much eye to eye contact with Hobie. She’s never seen him like this, so vulnerable and actually expressing his emotions to her..It’s making her insides flutter, her knees go weak. Hobie’s her weakness..She tries to remain cold but she can’t help but muzzle her face into his large warm hands becoming putty in his hands..”Go on..say what you really want to say Hobs..” Hobie rolls his eyes slightly and chuckles “Oh you’re getting ah’ kick outta this aren’t cha’…” A smirk grows on her face and a smile grows on his..

A/N: To be continued…🖤 Pt.3 is the last part and fair warning, there will be Smut. Thank you for all the love, support and your patience! 🫶🏼

Link to part 3 🫶🏼

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Sixteen

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic @laurpartyprogram @jessitpwk

“Just hand me another one” my voice races out in a choked whisper. Maggie looks at me sympathetically and reluctantly hands one over. We’re in her bathroom because I didn’t want the trash in my house incase Kyle saw. “Nat, I don’t think this one will be any different. It’s been the same for two days.”

Panic floods my body, “it can’t be the same, they’re wrong. They have to be wrong. There’s no way this is happening right now” my breathing is short and hollow and my heart feels like it’s going to break out of my chest, “I can’t- I can’t do-do this right now” I rasp out and fold in on myself, crumpling onto the ground, suddenly lightheaded with the heaviness of reality. Maggie rushed to my side and starts rubbing my back. I try to match my breathing to the gentle up and down of her hand against my back. “Nat, it’s going to be okay.” Maggie tries to reassure me but I can hear the panic in her own voice. “Okay!? How is any of this okay?! What am I going to do?” I sob and Maggie wraps her arms around me. I bury my face into her shoulder and I start to shake as I begin to cry even harder. 

Maggie rubs my back until I calm down a bit. “Are you going to call him?” She asks quietly. Sniffling I go grab a tissue and splash some cold water on my face.  “I guess I have to, right? God…what am I going to say?” I pace the bathroom floor anxiously biting my fingernails.

“Oh hey Noah, I know we haven’t talked in three months since you left me, again, after drunkenly sleeping together but I’m pregnant!!…that’s INSANE Maggie!”

I can hear the frantic edge in my voice and I accidentally bite too far down on my nail “ow! Fuck! Okay maybe I don’t tell him? That’s not a terrible idea” I say to myself as I throw the tests on the counter into the trash can. 

“Well, that doesn’t seem like a great idea. You have time to figure things out! If you even want to go through with it.” Maggie says and her voice is gentle and comforting. “Like…get rid of it? I don’t know…I don’t know if I could. I just need to think. I need some time.” I wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror. “I’ll call him I guess, he should know, even if we’re not together.” I say to my reflection and think “how the fuck is this my life.” 

Later that night I’m sitting in my room and reflecting on the past three months since the last time I saw Noah. I was different when he left this time. I didn’t fall into a pit of despair, I went out with Maggie and had a life. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad. But I was also mad. Furious. I was so mad at Noah for leaving and just forgetting me. Like I meant nothing to him. Kyle thankfully never brings it up, he was right after all. Noah just came into my life, dug and planted himself in my heart and then ripped it out and stomped on it..

Things at work and school were great. I’m passing everything with A’s and even made a 100 on my last Econ exam. At work Maggie and I are making amazing tips and we even got a raise. 

Life has been good, so of course the universe has to send me this atomic bomb. Looking down at my still flattish stomach I poke it “why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea what this means for my life?” I ask the life growing inside me. Groaning, I roll over and grab my phone off the charger. “Just call and get it over with. Rip off the band aid” I say to myself and press the green call button on Noah’s contact page. 

Ring Ring Ring Ring 

*click* 

You must be a witch…he was just lamenting about you and here you are calling his phone 

I’m sorry? Who is this? This is Noah’s phone right?

Yeah, he’s a little busy right now. It’s Alex. Remember me?

Oh um yeah hi, listen I really need to talk to Noah.

 Like right now please, it’s pretty important.

god you're not pregnant are you? Ha!

…..

Oh my god. You’re not. Don’t tell me you’re pregnant. 

…it’s really none of your business. Can you just get Noah please. 

You’ll ruin his life you know? 

His whole career. He will throw it all away for you. 

Is that what you want?

no..I just..he should know. 

He doesn’t have to be involved but he deserves to know. 

Yeah, I know Noah enough to tell he’s not the kind of guy that wouldn’t be there. 

Just end it or keep it but unless you want him to throw everything he’s worked for away don’t tell him. I won’t tell him you called -

Wait- *click*

“That bitch!” I yell into the air. Fuck. I think about texting Nick. I have half the message typed out on my phone and Alex’s words echo in my mind. “You’ll ruin his life. You’ll ruin his career.” Noah would drop everything, but, would he just end up resenting me in the long run for pulling him away from his dreams? Would he resent this baby? I delete the text and throw my phone back down on the bed as hot tears stream down my face. 

“What am I going to do?” I say to myself. I need to come up with a plan. I stare at my ceiling for hours thinking. I can’t have a baby here. My crazy mom as a grandmother? Yeah right, and what then? I just hide being pregnant and then hide the baby? That’s insane. I would need to leave. “Ugh” I throw a pillow at my wall. What the fuck am I going to do?

Maggie didn’t know what to say, she doesn’t want me to leave but also understands why I might want to. I don’t know how to talk to Kyle about it. I don’t know if I want to tell him. Not yet at least. If I leave, do I need to tell anyone? That’s horrible, isn’t it?. 

I trudge through the next week of school and on Friday morning I walk into my guidance counselors office. I’ve been discussing all my after graduation plans with Mr. Montree since sophomore year. Without giving my situation away I ask him about the possibility of getting approved for early graduation. 

“Why so early hon? They’re isn’t much time left in the semester, you’re already halfway there” he tells me and his voice is sweet and smooth. My eyes dart back and forth scanning the pictures and certificates he has hung on the wall. “As soon as possible really, I know the semester is almost up, I just have some personal reasons for needing to graduate now.” I explained to him, I’ve mentioned to him the issues my mom has had so maybe he’ll just assume it has to do with her. Nodding his head he continues typing into the keyboard and checking over my files. “Well Natalie, you’re an incredibly gifted student, you have more than enough credits to graduate. You could have graduated last fall as a matter of fact. But, I want you to be sure of your decisions, this is a big thing. Graduation should be a celebration!” His smile is so warm and welcoming. “I’ve thought about it and what’s best for me is to graduate now. As much as I’d love to be a normal teenager, that’s just not in the cards for me right now.” He gives me a look that makes me nervous, like he knows exactly what I’m talking about but he doesn’t say anything, just smiles again and nods. “Very well hon, I can have the paperwork processed by the end of the day.” I thank him and walk out of the front office. I finish the rest of my day in the art room, gathering my works in progress and other finished pieces I had stored in the room and by the end of the day I’m officially a high school graduate. At least I have that, if nothing else. I unconsciously place my hand on my stomach, “I guess we have each other little one” I whisper to myself. 

Once I’m home I flop onto my bed and check my email. I have a couple responses from the listings I inquired about. The one I was hoping for responded saying she’d love to offer me the space. “Am I really doing this?” I ask myself. I should try to call Noah again. Taking out my phone I open his contact again and press the call button. 

*beep* *beep* “ we’re sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service.”

Alone then. I’m doing this alone. 

My plan is crazy, it’s reckless, it’s cowardly and it’s possible the only thing I can think to do that will save me from my own heartbreak. I have to leave. I’ll do whatever it takes to give this kid a better chance at happiness, I’ll be the mom I always wished for. I’ll figure out the Noah thing. There’s still time for all of those things to work themselves out. 

I take out my notebook and write a note to Kyle. 

Ky ,

I’m sorry to do this so suddenly. I know we’ve been getting closer and there’s nothing that makes me happier. But I need to leave. In time I will tell you everything. 

Love always, 

Natty

Unexpected tears fall onto the paper and I write one for Maggie as well. None for my Mom. None for my Dad. They haven’t cared about where I was in years, this will be no different. 

Printing out my ticket I finished packing my duffel and backpack with all of the things I could carry, my laptop, as many art supplies as I can fit and that box in the corner of my closet. I take it out and stare at it, I consider throwing it away and then I bury it at the bottom of my bag. I don’t know what will happen to the rest of the stuff in my room, they can throw it all away. I don’t care anymore. 

I take the bus to the Greyhound station and check in for my bus to Austin. Standing at the steps before entering, I pause and look back at the city where it all began. Where I met Noah and fell in love. Where he broke my heart and left me. I take the steps and find a seat towards the back. Ready to take on my new life and protect the new life growing inside me. 

A couple days later the bus is pulling to stop and I exit. Turing around and take in my new city, the air is hot and dry. I have a room rented with an old woman, Gwen, I found her on craigslist and she agreed to meet me at the station to give me a ride. Her grandaughter used to live with her and she wanted to rent out the room to someone for a little extra money. She seemed nice over the phone and I needed a place to stay fast that wasnt too expensive so I could keep looking for a place in the meantime. I didnt tell her I was pregnant, hopefully I’ll be out of her place before I’m showing too much. 

“Hi! Natalie right?” the woman, Gwen, greets me at the front of the station and offers a welcoming hug. “Yes, Hi, Gwen its so nice to meet you.” I say returning the hug. I am strangely emotional. Leaving the insanity that was my childhood home behind and coming to a big new city is already a lot. Add on top of that I’m sixteen weeks pregnant, according to the urgent care doctor I saw before I left, eighteen and dont have a job. That will need to change soon. “Well, I’m sure youre exhausted from that long trip. Lets head home and we will get you settled.” Gwen says and leads me to her car. 

A while later I’m resting in  my new room and I pull out my phone to turn it back on. I powered it off before leaving and have been to nervous until know to turn it on. I have missed texts and calls but I dont address them right now. First I call Kyle. The phone rings a few times before he answers. 

Nat! I’ve been calling and texting, what the hell did you do? You’re leaving school and running away? What the fuck!

I’m sorry Ky

Tears are filling my eyes.

I had to leave, I want to tell you. I cant right now.

Are you okay? What do you mean you cant tell me?

Kyles voice barks out. 

I’m okay Kyle and I didn't leave school. I got my degree, I graduated early so I could leave.

But why did you leave? What happened? Does this have to do with Noah? Are you with him?

It does have to do with him yes, but we aren't together. Kyle, I swear I am okay. I just need to deal this on my own, but I promise I’ll tell you everything soon.

Okay, okay. I’m just worried about you Nat. You’re the last person I’d think would ever run. Maggie wouldnt tell me anything. Does she know?

I know you’re worried Ky, I’m sorry for that. I had to leave, I just had to. Maggie knows but leave her alone, she's done more for me than you will ever know.

Kyle and I continue to talk and I make sure to let him know I’m getting a new number soon.

Weeks fly by and I settle in comfortably, I find a job at coffee shop and I really like it. My coworker Hailey is a few years older and really nice. We’ve become fast friends and she’s shown me around town. We’re hanging out at zilker park one saturday morning and something off is in the air and it hits me. The nausea takes me by surprise and next thing I know I’m leaning over a trash can hurling my guts out. Hailey is rubbing my back as I continue to barf up my breakfast. “Dang, gir! Are you okay? Are you getting sick?” she asks. I reach for my water from the bag I dropped next to me and she helps and hands it to me.

I swish the water in my mouth and spit it out. “I’m something all right.” I say to her and wipe the sweat thats gathering on my forehead. “I’m pregnant.” I tell her and at first she laughs, thinking I was joking and then pauses. “Oh shit, you’re serious.” I nod and we walk over to a bench to sit. “Yeah, i’m serious.” I say and lean my head back to try and ease the spinning in my head. “Is that why you left home? Got knocked up and ran away?” She asks and it doesn't feel like judgement, just genuine curiosity. “Tale as old as time. My boyfriend broke up with me and then we had drunk sex, he left, I found out I was pregnant and now here we are.”

The spinning in my head slows before she speaks again. “Shit, Natalie. You have a plan?” she asks the million dollar question, the one I’ve been asking myself everyday. “Um, well. Save up some more money, find a place to live and find a job I can do from home after I have the baby.” Haylie nods, “okay, I have some friends you should meet. You’re an artist right?” I nod, “My sister works at a female owned tattoo shop, they need a new apprentice, would you want me to mention you to her?” I think about it for a second, that could at least get my foot in the door for a possible career. “Yeah, why not!” I say and then we pick up our things and we walk back to the parking lot so she can give me a ride home. 

Three months later, June. 22 weeks along

“Well honey, I want you to be sure to call me and let me know how you're doing at least every couple weeks. I want to make sure you’re taking good care of yourself and that little angel you’re cooking in there” Gwen smiles at me as Haylie helps me finish cleaning the room I was renting in Gwen’s house. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me Gwen” I reply back as I finish folding the last of my clothes and pack them away. Living with Gwen these last few months has been great, of course I ended up telling her about the baby and she’s been surprisingly supportive, “you will have to be so strong for this child, but if you ever feel the weight of it all is too much you must have people to help you. Call on me when you ever need help” she told me and I don’t know if it was the hormones or just the fact that an older woman was treating me like the mother I’ve craved for so long but I just started sobbing. 

Haylie offered to let me move into her house with her, it’s pretty spacious. Her dad owns it and lets her stay in it for free, pretty good deal if you ask me.  He’s charging me next to nothing and that’s great since I’m taking more hours apprenticing at the shop Haylie set me up with. Haylie doesn’t want him to charge me anything but I didn’t allow that. We’ve become fast friends in these last months. So much of our lives parallel each other’s. She’s super creative, a writer, and she’s working on a book about a magical fae world. It’s amazing and I’ve been inspired to draw again because of it. Her mom is also an alcoholic and took a lot of the attention away from her growing up.

Her dad’s trying to make up for it now, showering her with money and gifts. We differ a little bit there, my dad didn’t notice for weeks I was gone and then practically strangled the information out of Kyle. He got my number called to check in, rather furiously and I was able to diffuse him slightly. Of course keeping out the pregnancy part, he would flip and probably hunt Noah down for sport. 

Apprenticing has also been going great. Haylie’s sister, Rachel, let me start on a trial basis and I ended up getting along with all of them so well they offered me the spot permanently. Anna, the owner, opened the shop with the intention of creating a safe environment for women to get tattooed. I think she also took a little pity on me, she also had a kid when she was a teenager. She told me that after the baby is born I can bring them in until I figure out daycare. 

Maggie and I talk almost everyday and I constantly send her updates about the baby. She still hasn’t told Kyle but he’s apparently going by the coffee shop a lot to see her. At first it was to ask about me but now it sounds like he’s just liking her company. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it but they seem happy as friends and that’s good I guess. Kyle needs a good friend. 

July. 27 weeks along

I’ve told Haylie all about Noah so when she finds out his band will be in town for a show she’s telling me I have to try again to see him. “You’re saying he doesn’t know and from everything you’ve told me he sounds like an idiot that thought he was doing what he thought was best for you. He’s obviousl still in love with you. You should try, just once more” she implores and I begrudgingly agree. “I’ll go, just to see if we can talk but this is going to be a shock, he could be pissed.” Haylie rolls her eyes, “if he’s pissed at you, lll punch his face in, deal?” I laugh and accept her terms. 

Later that night we’re in a smoke filled venue full of rowdy drunk people and I’m ready to leave. Haylie helps me navigate towards a safe corner while we wait for the music to begin. I wish I was here for any other reason, just to see an old friend, or just seeing a random band play. Not to see Noah, for the first time in months, pregnate and surprising him at his show. This is crazy, “We should leave,” I say in a panic and move to stand up and just then they call for his band to go on I feel every bone in my body buckle, every nerve on edge. I’m frozen and then they start playing and everything around me is blown away, like dusk. Through the smoke filled room my eyes are glued onto Noah and his voice as they sing new songs I haven’t heard before. For a second I could swear our eyes met. 

The set is over before I know it and Haylie is eyeing me cautiously as I just sit there, stuck in my seat for several minuets. “Well, he’s done. Are you going to go find him?” She asks. I’m thrown back into my body and notice tears have fallen, “god, I’m so sick of crying!” I exclaim as I stand up to try and find where the green room is and wipe my face clean. I notice the manager of the band they’re touring with standing outside a door with an “employees only” sign.

“Hey! Kevin right? I’m a friend of Nicholas and Noah’s, could I just sneak back there to see them really quick?” I ask in the sweetest voice I can muster. He looks me up and down, notices my stomach and I can see wheels turning in my eyes.“Hi….. yeah, Noah’s a little busy right now. But I’m sure He’ll be ready for round two as soon as he’s finished up” he says and then has the audacity to wink at me. Fucking slime ball.

Does Noah really have some girl back there? That’s why he wanted to break up? So he could just be free to sleep with whoever he wanted to while he was on the road.

I’m frozen in place, I don’t even say anything to Kevin I just turn and rush out of the venue with Haylie calling after me. She reaches me outside and I just bury my head into her shoulder as sobs take over me. I’ve been crying a lot lately. These last few weeks my emotions are all over the place and seeing Noah sing, hearing he’s just fucking any other girl that comes around. It’s to much for me. 

September 17, 2013

“Give me my phone! Please I need to call Kyle. I can’t believe this is happening!” I cry as another contraction hits and I crumble over in pain. Haylie was with me at home when my water broke and rushed me to the hospital. I’m just waiting now, only 5 centimeters dilated and the contractions are killing me. “You want to call him right now?” She asks as she hands me my phone.. “Yes, I need him to know. Incase- incase anything happens” I dial his number and try to breathe through the pain. 

ring ring ring

“Hey Nat! What’s up?”

“Uuuuhhhg fuuck! This fucking hurts Haylie. What the FUCK!”

I take a deep breath again,

“Kyle, there’s something I need to tell you” 

“Nat? Are you okay? why does it sound like you’re in pain” 

“I am, fuck. I am in so much pain right now. That’s why I called.”

“Natty?? Are you okay?? What happened?” 

“Ky, don’t be mad. Please.”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“I'm having a baby”

“You’re pregnant?! You never even mentioned you were seeing someone” 

“No- no Kyle. You don’t understand. I'm having a baby. Like right now.”

“owwwwee Fuck!”

He’s quiet for a long time and I try to keep my heartbeat down and focus on my breathing like my doctor said. 

“You’re having a baby? Right now?”

“Yes, Ky. I’m having a baby. Right now” 

“Whos baby Natalie.”

“He doesn’t know, I’ve tried to tell him Ky, I just- it’s just not going to work out. It’s fine. I’ll be okay. But I wanted my brother to know he’s about to be an Un-FUCK!”

I cry as the next contractions hits even faster than before. 

“That’s 5 minutes!” Haylie calls out, “we need the doctor! He said that means the baby is coming!” She scrambles and runs out of the room hollering for a doctor. 

“Kyle- Kyle I have to go. The baby is coming. Come visit soon please. Bring Maggie. I love you” 

“Wait Natalie, don’t hang up! w-wait. Does Maggie know?!”

“I have to go!” 

*click*

After three hours of pushing and crying and screaming I’m holding my daughter in my arms. “Will you take a picture of us?” I ask Haylie and she grabs my polaroid from the bag I packed for the hospital. I look down at the sweet baby, wrapped tightly in a soft pink blanket and I kiss her head. “My sweet Erin, I will always be there for you, no matter what.” I kiss her forehead and then hug her softly against my chest as Haylie snaps a picture. “So cute” she comments as she shakes the film and hands it to me. “Shes the most precious thing, I can’t believe I’m a mom.” my voice shakes a little at the end and Haylie shootches me over in the bed and sits next to me, pulling me into her and wrapping Erin and I close. “You’ll be the best mom ever, and I’ll be auntie Hales. I’m with ya for it all.” I lean into her and sigh, “Thank you for everything Haylie, I think she’s got a shot at a pretty good life.” I say and we both look down at her sleeping face, “I’m going to write Noah, one last try can’t hurt right? I don’t want him to miss her life, look at her, she’s everything.” 

I sent the letter. Weeks went by and I heard nothing. Everything I have left is for my daughter now.

I have to let him go.

Meanwhile………

NOAH POV

“What do you mean you’re going to use it? It’s our song, you can’t just use it.” I seethe at Alex, the snake in disguise as it would seem. “Oh but don’t you see Noah? I can” she taunts. “You signed the contract to join our label, that means that your intellectual property belongs to the label. Songs, demos, art, merch….the label owns it and you get a percentage. Y’all signed the papers…maybe you should have read it.”

I stand up and slam my hands on the table “that’s bullshit Alex! I didn’t sign anything that would have allowed that!”

I argue with her and she tuts and Julius, our drummer, interjects “yeah, I signed that.” I turn to him dumbfounded. “What the fuck? Why would you sign that shit without us dude? That’s not how the band fucking works.” I say and hit Nicholas across the chest, “dude are you going to say anything?” I ask him exasperated.

“The contract? It’s only for Iron Vendetta right?” Nicholas asks Alex and she shrugs, “yeah” she huffs out annoyed. Nicholas stands up and adjusts his jacket, “then I fucking quit. And so does Noah” he adds and I can’t help but nod slowly. “Yeah, fuck this shit Alex. I’d rather start all over again than be attached to you and your shitty label!” Alex laughs, “you’re both replaceable, just because you quit doesn’t mean Iron Vendetta is done.”

I took at Mikey and Julius, “keep the band. I don’t really care, if this is what y’all want then have at it. I'm not about to be owned by some soul sucking bitch.” Nicholas and I gather the rest of our stuff and leave the studio.

“What the fuck are we going to do now?” I ask Nicholas as we walk aimlessly towards my car. “You could try to get your life together? You’ve been fucking miserable lately and I know it’s because you miss Natalie and you know you made a mistake.” My head falls into my hands and I let out a loud groan, “uuuuhhg I know Nick, okay. I know, but I fucked it all up. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t even call her, I tried. She changed her number” I grumble out and he nods. “We could just head home while we figure everything out? You can talk to her in person instead?” It’s a good idea. We can crash at Nick's parents house while we put together something new, something even better than Iron Vendetta. Hopefully something with a better name. 

The drive home is quick and I think Nick was happy to have some down time while we figured out our next moves. He said that he’s heard about some guys he thinks we would work well with. I let him take the lead with that for now, I only have on thing on my mind. I want to see Natalie and try to win her back. I drive to her house, stopping to grab some flowers before, thats what guys are always doing in those cheesy romance movies.

Driving up to her house I’m nervous, I hope she will just talk to me and let me do everything I can to win her back but when I pull up to park theres a “for sale” sign in the front yard with a giant “sold” sticker stuck to it. “What the fuck,” I whisper to myself as I step out of the car and walk closer to the house. The windows are open and I see the house is empty inside. I can’t believe they sold their house.

Maybe she’s at work so next I head to the coffee shop. I take a moment to prepare myself before I open the door and when I do I recognize two faces. I see Maggie, Natalies best friend and I see Hunter, the guy she was dancing with at the New Years Eve party. Maggie looks up and when she see’s me a panic look crosses her eyes. “Noah..you shouldnt be here.” she says and I’m confused. “What?” I ask and walk towards the order counter. “You should leave, Kyle is on his way over now and he will absolutely freak if he sees you.” she warns and I roll my eyes. “Kyle isn’t who I’m worried about. Where is Natalie?” I ask as I hear the door jingle signaling someone else entering the cafe. Maggies eyes dart away so I ask again, “Maggie, just please tell me. Where is Natalie?” 

A dark laugh sneaks in from behind before saying, “are you fucking serious with this shit God? Are you testing me?” I turn around to see Kyle as just arrived and I couldn’t have worse timing. “She’s gone. Asshole. G-O-N-E.”

What. “Gone? What do you mean gone? Where did she go?” I ask, turning between Kyle and Maggie while Hunter just laughs and walks away muttering something about taking his break. “I mean, you fucking prick, is that after you ripped my sisters heart out and stomped on it she graduated in the middle of the semester, dropped everything and left.” Kyles voice is full of venom and I flinch at his tone. “Where did she go?” I ask cautiously. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” his voices slices and he erases the distance between us with a few steps. “I should beat the shit out of you.” Kyle says and Maggie rounds the counter and stands between us. “Stop Kyle, she wouldn’t want you to do this right now,” she addresses kyle first and then turns to me. “You should just leave Noah, I think you’ve dont enough damage for one life time,” her voice isnt even mean or angry when she says it, just disappointed.

“Please, I love her. I just want to talk to her.” the words leave my mouth and they’re still for a moment until I feel a solid weight hitting my chin and I fall back on my ass. “Do not ever claim to love my sister again. Just forget about her, shes doing her best to forget about you.” I hold my chin as it throbs in pain and Maggie just looks at me like I’m a sad, pathetic lost soul. “Just go Noah. She’s gone and she’s not coming back.” 

I walk back out of the coffee shop, defeated and alone. She’s gone. The girl I love is gone and her brother just punched me in the face. 

Stumbling throught the next couple weeks I feed my depression with 40’s, beer and vodka. One morning Nick comes into his room and dumps a bucket of ice water on my face and I gasp awake. “What the fuck!” I yelp as my eyes spring open.

“Get up Noah” Nicholas says and rips the blankets on the ground. “There are a couple guys coming to practice today. So pull yourself together and get ready.” 

I wipe the water from my face and finish stumbling out of bed, trying ot shake the hangover from my head. I walk towards the bathroom to shower off. I turn on the hot water and let it wash away the pain and sadness that has been eating away at me.

I have to figure out how to get over Natalie and move forward. “Who are the guys you invited.” I ask from the shower. “A guy named Nick Folio on drumbs and this swedish guy, Joakim on guitar. Hes a little older, but he’s played in a band before.” 

Alright, I guess my fresh start begins now.

and that is the end of part one besties !! I hope you enjoyed and I am sorry for the delay in the last update!

Part II will kick off in the new year!

page divider from here!

next chapter ->