#mcu essay

[redvh205]

So, I live in a country where English isn't the first language, and there's this kid I'm tutoring and he asked me how he can best learn the language, and so I told him that it works best by reading books and watching TV in English, and he asked me whether that was what I did, and then I had to come up with an answer that didn't let on that I learned English solely by spending my entire summer doing nothing but read gay porn about Iron man

[darealsaltysam]

IT'S THE WAY THEY'RE FROM TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REALITIES BUT STILL GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PROTECT EACH OTHER IM FINE

[areallivegirl7]

Brainwashing doesn’t always look like this

Sometimes it looks like this

[xia0ming56]

Any wips right now? 👀

DONT EVEN JOKE LAD /silly

I think u cld ask me for wips n i will hav wips dating back to 2023💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 IM THAT STUBBORN OK I WILL GET BACK TO THEM..... EVENTUALLY😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[murrpa]

Deadpool Prime and Worst Wolverine fucked in 2013 Light Blue Honda Odyssey

Patch Wolverine and Deadpool (the one in a suit and a hood if ykyk) fucked in 2021 Black Bentley Bentayga

Cowboy Wolverine and Cowboy Deadpool fucked in…

Wild West Wagon?

[questalkcomics]

I know a lot of people feel connected to Bucky and rightfully so, but The Winter Soldier, as a character is as interesting and complex.

Yes, Bucky and the Winter Soldier are two different person.

In the comics, after his return to life, the WS was living and acting for a while before some issues in his conditioning left the Department X with no other choice than putting him on stasis between missions.

As for the rest, he did have a personnality as a loyal assassin to the Soviet Union.

This is the time where he came closer to Nat and eventually fell in love with her.

What If made a smart and interesting choice with the third episode of season 3 by giving us glimpse of the Winter Soldier as a character.

Not an entity or a mindless killing machine but someone, or at least, a body whose soul and memories were taken away.

“... I'm a nobody. I can't even remember anything. Nothing. Not even my name.”

The tragic part in this is how the Winter Soldier feel resigned as he is, he knows he only has one function, he's even suprised when he failed to kill the Starks and secure all the serum.

This mark a clear difference between Bucky and the Winter Soldier, the latter may feel more "empty" but his quest or finding out a purpose in this episode made him a complete character.

[this-is-chaos-magick]

Sorry for rambling but I can't just thinking about this and I need people to listen to me I see Wanda smut fics all the time but I can't find post about analyzing and appreciating her character ( I see other fandoms do it with their fav characters I want one with Wanda too) Everything about Wanda's character is making me so freaking sad like i hate that half of her fans only care about her powers and that she's hot... she's more than that..I know it's fiction and it's not that serious but she makes me insane

She has every reason to be angry and be a Villain. because she didn't ask to suffer she didn't ask to be powerful and when she try to do something good and she did, the government put her in the raft everyone acts like she throws the bomb on the building on purpose when it's the only way to save Captain America and everyone around them. People blamed her for her own suffering and blamed her for a tragedy she didn't even cause, She can never come home because the house where all of her happy memories is made doesn't exist. She tried do everything to prove to everyone that she is good and it's not enough. The girl who only wanted people to accept her, the girl who only wanted to be love, the girl who wanted to be good, wasn't good enough

Her and Pietro is trapped under the rubbles of her own house for 2 days, no cause I can't imagine what that must be like? They know their parents are dead. They don't know if they are going to survive. They don't know if someone is going to come rescue them. And when they got rescued. They probably did not have given the chance to grieve their parents. Her parents body are probably unrecognizable and were buried in a mass grave, They are force to grow up too quickly and they have no choice but to accept it.

The reason she ends up so checked out of reality is probably that horrible things keep happening to her, and she has no choice but to go "ok" and move on from that. The moment she first appeared, the way she behave and act it's obvious she have aggression issues and emotional maturity. She used to go to rallies and protests because the government of her country sucks, (shown in aou) and she grew up with her brother, who probably tried to do everything to stop both of them from starving to death. She joined Hydra because she thought she'd be doing something that would help her and her brother, she didn't join them because she agreed with them. ( It's literally implied that hydra is pretending to be shield and is recruiting volunteers)

She did not throw that bomb on that building on purpose; she's trying to save Steve and the people around her. She literally saved a lot of people's lives there, but people keep focusing on her mistake.

Wanda had done so many good things because she was good despite every reason not to. If she is "evil" from the beginning she would have not side with the avengers and just run away after learning Ultron's real plan

She would have not tried so hard to stop the bombs in Lagos if she did not care about other people's life. she save Natasha's and okoye's life, She did everything she could to stop thanos, she did everything the team ordered her to do.

She doesn't want to kill vision because she's afraid of being alone. Westview happened because she couldn't take it anymore. If She is evil she would have not the of people of that town go

"Why didn't she go to therapy?"

Girl, I don't think therapists in the "M*rvel" can help her. You know how people there react to her. If she goes to a therapist, it will probably make her worse. She wants Vision back because he's the only one who understands and truly loves her, and he treats her better than most people there.

She wants her sons back because they make her feel normal and human.They probably reminds her of her life when she is young before everything went horrible. And I don't want to her that "ThEy ArE nOt rEaL" bullshit, They are real to her, she gave birth them. She feels them kicking in her stomach, she touch them she cooks for them, change their diapers, made memories with them, they are not just objects or toys to her, they are her children, she gave life to them, they have souls, they just don't have a physical body

No cause Wanda is happy in Edinburg with vision, those are probably the times where she feels real happiness and thanos ruined everything.

If thanos didn't come, Wanda and vision will be have a real marriage and probably have adopted real children.

Wanda only want people to accept her, she only wanted to be treated like a human being, she doesn't care about being powerful. All of the crimes she committed happened because ever since she's a little she suffered, and I don't care if there are other people who suffers than her, people process trauma differently.

the way Wanda is influenced with something dark and evil and all of she ever wanted is to hug her sons again, she did not want to rule the entire universe she didn't want anything all she ever wanted is to be with her family

Wanda realize she have the power to do everything she wants (darkhold influ.)

that she has a will and that she can make her self happy and I love her for trying.b and I do think she makes stupid and horrible decisions, but so do I, and that's okay;

She's been a hero, a victim, and a villain. because the writers and the shitty universe she's in, don't know what to make of her they accidentally created a character with so many potential and they don't know what to do next and they just killed her off because they think she's not as important like the rest, and majority of her fans just cares about her powers, they only care that she can "solo" people hated Wanda's character because of that. People won't look deeper into her character because the people that claimed to love her also weaponized her. She is doomed by the narrative, ruined by her some of her "fans" and we might not see her again because the universe she's in sucks.

rahhh I am losing it over a fictional woman who has been dead for (?)2 years :(

sorry again for yapping to much I just love this woman so much, my English is not that great sorry if some words are use incorrectly and I am half asleep while typing this so sorry for typos... goodnight

[girlsharting]

do we all agree that lokius was heavily implied or am i the most delusional person on the planet

[sugarskies]

do you think bob is afraid of his own temper? do you think he reminds himself of his father? of the darkest days of his addiction? do you think he's ever snapped and then isolated himself because he's scared of hurting the people he loves? do you think that any of them have ever had to talk him down? to remind him that they're not scared of him, that they all get angry sometimes, that they love him unconditionally?

[meraki-yao]

The Winter Soldier and What If

God I keep thinking about how "What-if" treated my guy Bucky and I get so mad

It's not just the using stucky plotlines for steggy shit, it's not just keeping Steve's importance for Bucky while erasing Bucky's importance to Steve because God forbid Captain America has a homoerotic Patrochilles type relationship, it's not just the captain carter mess, all of which I can and will probably scream about some day

The one episode where everyone comes together in the 80s to deal with Peter Quill, God, I love me some winter soldier, like full on asset mode (as an audience not as a person God let this poor man be free), but everything with how they treated them drove me insane

Firstly, Carter and Stark immediately recognised the Winter Soldier as Bucky Barnes, despite him having his mask and eye shadow on, which is bullshit. In CATWS, Steve, of all people, only recognised him once his mask and goggles came down and his full face was exposed. Not to mention, neither Carter nor Howard were on the field with the Howlies during WWII, they spend very limited time around Bucky. If Steve didn't recognise him immediately, there's no way those two would have.

Secondly, and this is a mild issue I have, but they call him "Bucky": only Steve ever did, and later with consent, Shuri and Sam (haven't found the time to watch Thunderbolts yet so this might be outdated). This is a childhood nickname; in any other capacity, people called him Barnes, or at most, James. What the hell lady, you have not earned the proximity to call him Bucky.

Thirdly, after Carter says the Winter Soldier looks like Bucky, Stark immediately states that "Even if they're true, the man we knew is long gone". The shock is minimal, there's no confusion, just utilisation. There's no guilt or regret for not looking for him, for failing him. They're using the Winter Soldier to achieve their target, no different from hydra.

And this actually would have been understandable if it weren't for the next point: during the climax of the episode, Winter gets a clear shot of Quill, but his comm is intercepted by Stark, who proceeds to talk him out of it BY TALKING ABOUT STEVE. AND THAT BREAK HIM OUT OF THE COMMAND. This is 1, hypocritical, you say this man is gone but then you use this man's relationship to stop him from your target 2, this doesn't make sense, again as seen in CATWS, it takes a lot to break the winter soldier program: Steve repeatedly called his name, was literally face to face with him, and only after all that, and saving him, and "I'm with you till the end of the line", that led to the tiniest bit of clarity, enough for him to save Steve. You're telling me that the Winter Soldier broke programming just by Stark saying a name he at that point, did not recognise?

And lastly, NONE OF THEM WENT AFTER HIM. They have confirmation that he still has some degree of the consciousness of Bucky Barnes, and his actions during the mission indicates a lack of previous memories, and he still is the world's deadliest assassin, so on multiple levels, both professional and personal, they should have looked for him, but NO ONE WENT AFTER HIM. They're just content with "the winter soldier is out there". WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Seriously, I just... hate what if so much. There are MCU projects that I don't like but this one, I just... despise. They missed the mark so badly. And the biggest blunders happen to be my guys.

[homosexual-work-account]

I’ve been rewatching some of the phase 1 MCU films and almost the entirety of Steve’s Captain America trilogy and its made me realise that the partial reason why the new MCU films are complete ass now is that the studio tries to cut most the political ties the characters have, as well as their lack of want to actually have a serious tone; which is strangely most exemplified in Sam’s film (unfortunately)

Brave New World presents you with the idea that it’s a political thriller — even from the name, which is a reference to Aldous Huxley’s novel Brave New World, which is mostly unrelated to the film besides it’s themes of eugenics and exploitation of the ‘genetically inferior’, which was biologically constructed by the upper class to justify that exploitation. The implication is then that the film could potentially explore themes similar to this, specifically with Isaiah — a character’s whose labour exploitation/abuse was justified using his race, a construct made up by the upperclass to justify themselves. It’s a similar thing to Captain America: Civil War, where the evocation of the Civil War aided the themes of stripped rights for the enhanced and the struggle for extreme control or none at all. It’s a purposeful choice to invoke certain political themes.

And Brave New World just, doesnt? It does to a certain extent — it discusses the abuse that Isaiah experienced due to his race but it just doesnt go beyond that. It’s especially put in a bad light once put in juxtaposition with Sam Wilson — an inherently political character due to his past actions and as a black Captain America — who works with the man who tried literally fucking stripping the rights of enhanced individuals, Ross, who literally has very little difference to the people who exploited Isaiah because he commited the exact same actions that stripped Isiah of his rights back in the 50s. It’s actual insanity that the film tries justifing Sam working with the government when he had been considered a war criminal for eight god damn years (I dont think he was officially un-declared a war criminal until after End-Game) and he works with the man who literally forced him into becoming one. The surface level political commentary it offers around race is instantly destroyed once Sam works with the man who literally enacted those exact same systems of oppression against the enhanced, all because the man ‘felt bad’. I’m actually flabbergasted at the audacity.

The film axes whatever political ties Sam had in the past, in turn destroying all previous character work in order to present a Sam that works with the very same government that he went against because his political ideology was inherently against what they were doing. I’ve not seen much of his show with Bucky, but from what I’ve seen it holds similar ideals to his previous characterisation so this film just shat itself because it was too scared to say anything. I cannot understand why they did what they did with Sam. It boggles my mind.

Comparing to previous films like Iron-Man — a film that addresses the military industrial complex and denounces those who make a profit off war and says that you have a moral duty to do the least amount of harm. While it has its issues, it was a decent commentary — and Captain America; The Winter Soldier — a film addressing unstable governments and how the systems it sets up to protect the people becomes ineffective because of the fascistic ideals built into it, as well as government overreach and surveillance. Hell, even the first Avengers film addressed creating nuclear weapons ‘in case’ of invasion, which creates political tension rather than solves it; which the narrative actually addresses by explicitly giving away the tesseract so they don’t. Many of the other films dont have overtly political ideas, but still have politics affect the narrative in some way — the best one off the top of my head being Ant-Man; which is something that I haven’t seen pop up in the newer projects, though many dropped the ball on this as well back then.

Politics, and in turn the darker tones of the earlier MCU films, has been absent because the films are too scared to actually say anything and alienate the audience. It tries adressing identity politics without having a fucking clue what they’re saying so they backtrack and sprinkle it in between tonal whiplash and funny hijinks. It’s too scared to go for the systems so they move towards character driven stories that rarely address the world they exist in — it’s been two years in world after Endgame, three years maybe and yet its rarely adressed that the blipped happened, the accords are dissolved off screen, the political tension of the existence of enhanced individuals are dropped. They sever the political ties the characters have to the events/structures within their own world and when they try to address them they fundamentally misunderstand why the characters are political in the first place.

[mania-sama]

april fic recs!

so sorry there aren't that many fics on the list this month! i've been pretty busy (traveled across the globe, lots of schoolwork, finals), so i haven't had much time to read any fics. however i finished school literally on the last day of april so i should have a lot more free time now! may should be looking a little more full lol

organization:

➼ fandom

✎ [Fic Name] by [Author] ❧ rating, word count (in progress tagged if work is not completed) ❧ relationship tags ❧ my description/notes ❧ Quotation

featured fandoms: 9-1-1 | marvel cinematic universe | twenty thousand leagues under the sea

more of my fic recommendations: january | february | march | may

➼ 9-1-1

✎ a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things ❧ not rated, 11.1k ❧ evan "buck" buckley/eddie diaz, evan "buck" buckley & christopher diaz & eddie diaz ❧ i am once again reccing the most kudo'd fic for a fandom, but can you blame me? this fic is phenomenal. it's giving voltron fandom langst in the best way possible. there is a certain feeling to being beaten down and, instead of getting back up, you lay there for a second. you know you will get back up, eventually, maybe, but just for a moment, you keep your cheek on the ground and let nose breathe in the dirty concrete. you lay there and feel your pain and let yourself bleed, for just a moment. that's what this fic is. it's also brilliantly written, of course. everything from the dialogue, the actions, and the characterizations feels like it was ripped straight out of a deleted episode of the show. the author just understands these people like no other. and because of that, they ended up writing a story that felt eerily familiar to the early plot beats of season 4 before it s4 came out. their OC military vet in the story was also amazing; i could read a fic dedicated to just his and buck's interactions. ❧ The other man raises his hands. “Sorry, when I see someone running at 3 in the morning like the devil’s running after them, I assume they’ve seen action.”

✎ This Old Man Thought It Weak by orphan_account ❧ mature, 27.3k ❧ evan "buck" buckley/eddie diaz ❧ i am really impressed by this fic. it takes an approach to eddie's parents that i really like. often in 9-1-1 fics, i've found that people tend to demonize eddie's parents a bit. which is a fine interpretation, but this fic takes a bit of a twist. they really are just parents, and eddie was once a kid that took in every microexpression, every word, every movement, and copied it into his own person, as a child is apt to do. it affects his adulthood, where he finds it hard to relax and let go because, although unintentional, the upbringing his parents had affected his upbringing, and his upbringing is affecting his child's. it's a cycle of accidents. and then there is his understanding of therapy, where he's a bit angry and a bit upset and a bit unwilling, but frank won't let him go. frank is kind of the goat in this. anyway, it's a great reflection on the subtle impressions that life has on you. ❧ “Frank, I’m starting to think you want something to be wrong with me today.”

✎ What's Died Will Never Stay Dead by HMSLusitania ❧ teen and up, 3.3k ❧ fire fam, evan "buck" buckley & bobby nash, evan "buck" buckley/eddie diaz, athena grant/bobby nash ❧ while i did immensely enjoy this fic and am reccing it for what it is, i'm also choosing this one somewhat to recommend all of HMSLusitania's 9-1-1 works. because they are absolutely great. i haven't read them all, but i've been making my way through them, and to say that i've enjoyed myself would be a grand understatement. so if you like buddie and you like 9-1-1, read their works and i promise you will not be disappointed. but anyway; of the works i've read by this author, this one has been my favorite. it's a creative take on the movie The Old Guard, which is basically just a movie where a bunch of people who can die but not really fight a bunch of this. the author essentially applies the concept to 9-1-1 canon, and it is. REALLY cool. the loneliness bobby feels for being the only immortal, only one alive for hundreds of years, with no one to turn to; to then finding a family that can live like him. or rather, die like him. talking about it anymore will lead to spoilers, but the fic overall captures emotions and reframes canon scenes to fit the au SO WELL it actually astonishes me. absolutely phenomenal work and i was so entertained by it. found family always wins. ❧ Spending an eternity with people you love isn’t a curse

✎ Keeping It Quiet by bellabrady ❧ general audiences, 3.2k ❧ evan "buck" buckley/eddie diaz ❧ just a really cute and funny fic where buck, KNOWING he's terrible at hiding anything, tries to avoid talking to eddie in fear of blurting out that he's in love. but he's also really bad at that, too. the whole thing is a little ridiculous and very endearing, and also feels like something that could, potentially happen in the show if the writers were feeling a little silly goofy. ❧ His current strategy is to just switch rooms as often as possible, so Eddie can’t follow him fast enough. It’s not really working.

➼ marvel cinematic universe

✎ Friends Don’t by SunsetMaiden ❧ teen and up, 43.8k (in-progress) ❧ james "bucky" barnes/sam wilson ❧ THIS SERIES IS FCKING FUNNY. it will probably be in progress until the day the author dies, but that is for the best. i wanna keep reading the way these two dance around each other like their lives and everyone being exasperated. it makes me laugh everytime. the author comes up with a new ridiculous conversation or event that sam and bucky go through, act incredibly gay towards each other, and then pretend it's all normal. and then, everyone around them going, "?????." it's amazing every single time and it makes me laugh. it's borderline crack, except for the one or two where it gets a little bit into the feels. fingers crossed that the series does complete with them finally pulling themselves together, but i am content with anything the author does. my favorite fic of the series is probably "Friends Don't Wear That Shade of Green" because sharon is so unabashedly horny and deviously so, but they are all great. ❧ "You already are Sammy, Sammy,” Bucky returned, sounding so damn fond that Sarah wondered how much longer this nonsense could go on. She’d never understood that poorly drawn ‘now kiss’ meme until Bucky followed Sam home.

✎ sharing a drink they call loneliness by midnightdragons ❧ general audiences, 6.7k ❧ james "bucky" barnes & sam wilson ❧ MIDNIGHTDRAGONS MY LOVE....... everytime they post a new sambucky (always read as platonic or romantic for reader pleasure) fic, an angel gains its wings. to be clear, they do always right with a focus on bucky. in this one, bucky struggles (like usual). and it's a banger 6 thousand words of him coming to understand that he doesn't want to be alone anymore, and it's 6 thousand words of sam subtly telling him he doesn't have to be alone anymore, and it's 6 thousand words of bucky realizing that sam is a little alone, too, despite his family being alive and despite being captain america. also he has a panic attack for good measure, and i like the way this author writes panic attacks. they just know. they posted a thunderbolts* sambucky fic today and i am very excited. i was WAITING for the fic to drop actually. it most likely will be on may's fic rec list. :) ❧ Not having to talk to anyone was nice, but . . . he found that he really didn’t like being alone, and there were only so many nights he could spend reclined in the seat of his car, unable to sleep because of the ache in his chest, before he admitted that to himself.

➼ twenty thousand leagues under the sea

✎ A Tale of Land and Sea by Mr_Pinniped ❧ mature, 6.0k ❧ conseil/ned land ❧ you know, i read this book, and i thought that ned land and conseil were a little fruity, so i went on to ao3 to see what i could find. and oh boy. i found THIS series. i cannot describe. what this series makes me feel. it's glorious. it's funny. it's honestly so good that it makes me sad. it is LITERALLY as if jules verne wrote the fics himself. it's goofy. it's serious. it's written in this 19th century language for no apparent reason other to match the book series, and damn does the author do it well. i hope to god they continue this fic where these two get married on land or something because i would literally sell my soul for it. JUST ONE MORE FIC. JUST ONE MORE OKAY. all of the titles are a nomenclature classification of a certain marine animal or fish, and i absolutely adore it. it's so cute and so in line with the book. i would also like to use this opportunity to say that i usually go onto ao3 just to see what's out there and maybe read a fic or two of ANY movie/tv show/book i consume. and that is how we come upon this delightful series ❧ Conseil’s hands were small, and his fingers slender.  The ring would probably fit him.

[lucca-stateofmind]

✩ the symbolism of the Nico's death in TFATWS and what it says about today's structural violence ✩

I. the shield's symbol Captain America has been - back in its roots - a patriotic symbol of the United States' supremacy. Whether it is through imperialism or their so-called ideology's domination, it is still a major event today as these morals are still dear for lots of american. This attachment is mainly manifesting by the flag's cult as it is common to raise it on its porch for a sense of pride. The same flag we find on the shield that has been Captain America's symbol since its creation. On a bigger level, the flag represents the USA's morals and ideology in a world famous symbol and that's why it was important for the shield to have its fitting image.

II. the United States of America police brutality

The USA found its origin in 1874 after it fought for its independance against Portugese then British colonialists. The country was quick to see racism rise after the abolition of slavery as former 'inferior' black people were now supposed to be at the same level as white people. If segregation was meant to end in 1968 with the Civil Rights Act, racism kept going ever since. It eventually caused controversies and sparked a debate about whether or not equality was reached as the murders of african american persons were exposed on social media. It highlighted police brutality to younger folks, ready to take the lead to a new fight still ongoing. Those who are not blinded by hate or ignorant – those two being highly corelated – advocate today for the people of colour's socially equal rights. This speech's liberation isn't out of context for what it brought to light: police's structural violence for what is claimed to be "the greater good". We've obviously known about it for decades as the slogan ACAB – All Cops Are Bastard – wasn't born yesterday, but it only took a larger meaning as people outside the punk movement were able to fully catch what it truly meant. First, the police institution isn't here to protect people but to keep them under control. Second, it is racist and against every minorities for what matters—since it is under the government and no country is ever known for being tolerant and acknowledgeable of different cultures and the LGBTQI2A+ community.

III. Nico's death seen from a different point of view

With everything I mentioned, we can make an analogy of this scene from The Falcon And The Winter Soldier. In the show, John Walker – the newest Captain America – kills in cold blood and in broad daylight a revolutionist (/terrorist for the US government) with the shield. In this analogy, Nico can be anyone as long as it represents a minority (with him being an immigrant, it fits the narrative and message even more); John Walker is the image of the police (being Captain America); and the shield is the United States of America's symbol, its racism, its capitalist ideology exploiting peoples all around the world and its people not adressing the problem. The spitting displaying of John killing an immigrant called terrorist by the government using its approval is telling us a lot about the way people are murdered by the 'defender of the nation' for 'civilians' safety'. It is a dynamic we still fight against as it must come to an end, same as racism and discrimination.

[rouminations]

Ghosts Don’t Lay Down Their Weapons (They Sing to the Metal Until It Softens)

CW: mentions of trauma, guilt, parasocial dynamics, emotional vulnerability.

This piece is written for those who already know Bucky Barnes—not the surface-level Winter Soldier, but the man underneath: the victim, the fighter, the friend, the healing ghost. If you carry his story in your chest the way I do, this is for you.

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes is a fictional character from Marvel Comics and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Once a bright and loyal soldier in the 1940s, he was captured, brainwashed, and turned into the Winter Soldier—an assassin weaponized by Hydra over decades. Beneath the violence and myth, Bucky is a man grappling with memory, identity, and the guilt of things he was forced to do. His story is one of trauma, recovery, and quiet resistance. In him, many of us have found not a hero or villain, but a mirror.

First Fire.

Bucky Barnes feels like someone opened my chest, ripped all my innards that got in the way, and forcefully, without an ounce of regard for pain or remorse, took my soul and turned it into words on pages. It felt like I was looking, not at the entirety of me like some sort of clone, but more at the gruesome and most vindictive version of me that I believe is only resting, simmering inside, waiting for the right time to explode, to hurt, to harm, to feel any ounce of real emotion. But the thing that really draws me into this character? All his demons, his guilt, and the weight he carries were none of his fault. It was forced upon him. He had no control over anything. He did not want to become the most feared assassin, synonymous with a ghost and a boogeyman meant to scare disobedient children. I guess because, deep down, this anger, this violence, this need to hurt—myself or otherwise—were something I did not want. I don’t want to be bad. I want to be good. But I had no choice nor the power to go against what life had laid out for me. Bucky was a victim, not a monster. I was mean and bad because I had to survive, and maybe there wasn’t much of a difference.

It is easy to mistake one thing for another. Like how chaos could become comfort if you never knew better. Maybe this thing that I feel when I see a character that mirrors my ache could be called love. Love in the sense that I have memorized the arc of his life so well that it feels like I have this person I could turn whichever way and still know. I know him and his demons, and the story of it is something that is mine to own and bring in my pocket when I couldn’t understand myself—because at least I understood him. I have endured so much, and am enduring still, but at least this thing that I recognize, the comfort of the story that I know so well, remains the same even if I don’t. Even if I don’t recognize myself anymore.

He was a victim of his circumstances. He was an ordinary person, who loved, laughed, fought, lost, and believed in doing the right thing. He did the right thing, but somehow it still ended up not meaning anything. His story was—is—stained. I wake up every day and think, “I wanna do good, do right by people,” and always, always, always without fail, I end up poisoning anything I touch, whether I deem that I did, or others decide I have sinned. This common ground is quite funny if it isn’t so tragic.

I Made a Home in the Trenches.

And even then, when I see myself in him, I do not have the slightest idea how to change. Because even if I do, it feels like I keep opening the door to my freedom only to find another door, and another door, and another door. And there’s only so much one can take before they stop bothering, no? His abuse made him undeniably strong, inhumanly fast, knowledgeable in any and almost everything. When I was forced down to the mud, I made sure to learn about the nooks and crevices, made friends with the critters, made myself at home. I stood up and made my hurt a weapon so that no one could ever make me little again. So, I guess some good can come out of hell. Bucky changed the course of the millennia. He shaped history, dare I say more than his patriotic counterpart. He was a well-oiled, relentless, sharp-eyed weapon. My grit? My bite? My ability to stare at a hole through a brick wall? All good and useful—and they aren’t. Until it doesn’t serve their purpose or goes against their narrative. Bucky gets cryofrozen once people have had enough of him; I get branded as too much and made me to be the villain when my mouth runs on the opposite side of their comfort.

Trigger Words, Trigger Wounds.

But is that it? Do I stay there? Should I start finding my trigger words? Longing (I long for the person I could be if I were okay), Rusted (My faith in anything has rested for so long I’m not sure it even exists anymore), Furnace (Where do I look for the warmth I so desperately try to give people?), Daybreak (Is it over? Is hope here?), Seventeen (Everyone went their separate ways—I think I’m still in that classroom), Benign (I could be this, I want to be this), Nine (She grew up too fast), Homecoming (I don’t have one), One (I have always been alone, even when I wasn’t), Freight Car (Don’t let me go, don’t let me fall).

My Place is in the Telling.

Bucky Barnes had his north star. One that he looks to in times of confusion, of reluctance, of doubt. Whatever happens, he will and would always look out for the little guy. As long as he’s behind this man, his ideals and his heart, Bucky knows he’s on the right path. His loyalty is so deeply ingrained in his very being that it broke seventy years of conditioning, torture, and abuse. I sometimes fear that I don’t have that moral compass to hold on to with all my might so I could never lose sight of myself and my life’s why. But maybe my north star has always been my courage and unrelenting belief that no matter how far I stray, and how long and arduous the journey back is, I could and should always go back to this. To me that sees things no one cares for. To see the stories, to see the truth in fiction, to keep it alive, to nurture it. To smell the books and get lost in a world not my own—because who else will? Bucky knows his place is to follow the not-so-little guy anymore. Mine could be making sure their story of overcoming evil and the mechanism of an ever-changing world is never forgotten. I do not have to force myself to change just to prove that I can. I can always do it with or without their prying eyes.

And even more, my apology and my side of the story can always quietly exist. It does not have to be loud anymore. I am allowed to exist without always apologizing for it. Bucky’s history is only just starting to change to the truth—the ugly after the glory. I can give myself the grace to trust that my truth will surface when it is ready to be heard. And in return, I must let people be. Let life run its course without interfering.

The Quiet Kind of Camaraderie.

With the truth comes the weight of a revelation. I look to him and his pain because I can only hope to have even an ounce of the strength he possesses to take control of his life. To be accountable, make amends, and stand on the fact that he is good—and he always has been. And that sometimes, as unfair as it sounds, good people do carry more than they should. And we just must learn to live with that.

Without uttering a single word, with no moment to coexist (because he obviously is not real), I am understood in a way I feel like I am sometimes not ready to be understood. There is a black, leaking substance that flows through my heart, and it is not good. I feel like we all have it, in different amounts, and it is never an easy conversation to have. To be that vulnerable and admit that certain evilness resides in you… No, I don’t think I could ever get used to laying it in the open and having people, actual people, see. Which is why I guess it's comforting to know that such a character exists—somewhere in the world another person goes through the same exact rabbit hole of admiration and recognition, and it’s a quiet sort of camaraderie. We cry through his periods of pain, we get indignant when his humanity is questioned, we mourn his life as we mourn ours, and we discover our ability to love and live again through the rediscovery of his agency. This fantasy, no matter how childish to some, has created a safe space for me to exist as myself in truth before she could manifest. I think of it as a bus stop amid a storm, taking refuge just until the rain passes and the bus arrives to take me to the next destination, with the knowledge that if I had to go home, this stop would always be there and stand the test of time.

Debrief.

It is lonely sometimes, to have this wonderful thing that no one else understands. But I guess that had always been the theme of the story. There are things that we must do alone. There are things that we must do for ourselves that no one can do for us, whether that’s navigating life after years of brainwashing or looking for something to keep as a reminder of home. Is that love? And more so, is it wrong? I find myself thinking, who cares? No one gets to decide what and how you survive. If it makes you a better person, a better human being, then I don’t see anything wrong with that. There are many more evil things to worry about.

Bucky Barnes has taught me a great deal of things, but more importantly, he has taught me that no matter how painful, how unfair, how debilitating the cards dealt to us are, we must find that anchor that will ground us in our truth—and if you do find it, hold on to it with all that you have. There’s no use pointing fingers or playing the blame game. Just decide who you are right then and there and stand on it. He inspires me to do the work. To make a life for myself, separate from what has been decided for me—because I can do that. His pain is a mirror of my own, and by understanding how he rose from it, I can hope that I can rise from my own hell as well. And one day, if I no longer need to depend on this story to be and feel real, I will still have a friend I can always count on to be with me until the end of the line.

If you resonated with this, I’d love to know. Reblogs help it reach others who might need a fictional North Star of their own.

[Crossposted on AO3 under username tiltheend]

[luckyshinyhunter]

It's pathetic that people these days still think that superheros in media are dying.

But honestly, they just be cynical and rather focus bashing on stinkers like Madame Web, listening to grifters and revolutionizing any bad superhero film and say a stupid hot take and than give films Blue Beatle, The Marvels, any great and fun film an chance.

Echo and Peacemaker was good and I can't wait for new shows like Agatha, Penguin, Ironheart or any projects whether MCU or DC.

But I think people should give superhero cartoons a chance.

What if brought a endless possibilities to the MCU, bringing it's familiar characters in whole new perspective and gives a lot for the audience to explore the multiverse and wanting more.

Invincible is a show I did not expect, both gruesome and captivating pretty similar to a another Amazon show, The Boys.

But it wonderfully shows the ups and downs of a superhero, making it's welcome in the list of your shows that must be watched for the experience.

Also no surprise since it's based off a comic book created by the people who also made The Walking Dead.

My Adventures with Superman introduced a new version of Superman's world that actually feels bright and hopeful unlike the Zack Snyder films that try to bring but forgotten in the last minute.

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur bring the titular characters in the spotlight, paving the way for a new black superhero with amazing diversity, colorful animation and character design and an addicting soundtrack like Black Panther and the Spider-verse films.

X-Men 97 is holy grail of all revivals and the one that beats the original. Back on my X-Men 97 review, I said that I haven't grow up on the original and due that I was born in 2002 but I started watching the original lately because of this show.

It's one of the best and refreshing marvel shows I ever watched, it felt like anything from the show has never left, but with an better style and unique writing that the writers should definitely be a part of the MCU's version.

I just love how we are introduce to a new era of animated superhero shows, with astonishing performances, amazing writing and peak designs.

Growing up from shows like Static Shock, Teen Titans, Iron Man: Armored Adventures, Fantastic Four: Wgh and Spectacular Spiderman.

I was in for these shows when they got announced and hoped to see more shows like this in the future.

I hope you should give these shows a chance because animation is the backbone for superhero shows and media in general in my opinion.

[very-super-silly]

me when tony stark is a raging bisexual

stop staring at steves arms after he ripped a log in half bro smh my head