#me: BECAUSE IM SAD (THATS YOUR FAULT BY THE WAY)

[ari-cant-think]

Regrets and Lost Love.

Vox climbed over fallen rocks and bricks. He had come here to gloat over his nemesis, but this was getting ridiculous. 

“The things I do…” He grumbles. 

He brushes some dirt off his pants, and pulls himself up to the ruined radio tower. The ladder is a little rickety, but it’s usable. 

“Alastor?” He calls out. “Are you up here?” 

Nothing answers Vox. He sighs loudly. “You can’t hide! You fucking loser!”

A pained groan sounds from behind him. Vox whips around to see Alastor, huddled in a corner with his arms clutched around his chest. 

“Alastor?!” Vox kneels next to the demon. 

Alastor hisses at him as his ears pin back. “What are you doing here, Vox-“ His voice sounded odd without the radio filter, “-come to gloat?”

Vox hesitated for just a second- but that was more than enough for Alastor to catch on. 

Alastor starts to chuckle, then cackle, but he’s cut off by a wet cough. Blood drips from his mouth and his sclera bleeds black. 

“…Al?” Vox says. “Wait-“

Vox sighs frustratedly and scribbles out his words. The bar where he sat was dimly lit, and his seat was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Alastor, humming softly, was sitting on the couch and twirling his staff that Vox had commissioned from Rosie a few weeks ago. 

“Would you like to dance?” Alastor asks out of nowhere. 

“I- what?” Vox looks up from his work. 

Alastor snaps his fingers, and soft music plays from the candy apple red radio. “Would you like to dance?” He repeats. 

Vox fights down a blush. “I-I don’t know how to,” The demon admits. 

Alastor hums. “That’s alright, I can teach you.” He offers a hand to Vox, who accepts. 

Alastor guides one of Vox’s hands to his waist. Alastor puts his hand up on Vox’s shoulder. The tv demon, knowing this part, clasps their hands together. 

“Uh…what do we do now…?” Vox asks. 

“Step to the left,” Alastor instructs. “Then, cross your right foot over it.”

Vox focuses on Alastor’s feet and matches the steps. 

“Once more.”

Alastor’s ears flick against the screen of Vox’s head. “Okay, now reverse.”

Eventually, Vox gets the hang of it. They step in time to the music, and Vox leads them in a slow circle. 

…Two hearts connected by one beat…

…Your hand in mine and…

Sweet guitar fills the room. Alastor leans his head on Vox’s chest and moves his hands so they cup the back of Vox’s neck. Vox cradles the smaller demon in his arms. 

“I could never choose to love another…” Vox softly sings the closing lines of the song. 

“Maybe one day I could’ve learned to love you too.” Alastor smiles, a real smile. Vox had learned to tell the difference a long time ago. Alastor’s real smile was soft. It wasn’t like the pasted-on grin the world saw. 

“No, no, no! Please!” Vox pleads, but he knows it is far too late. 

The light faded from his love’s eyes and Alastor slumped against the wall. His lifeless eyes stared past Vox, and the hand Vox held fell limp. 

Vox sobs, the mockery of tears filling his screen. “Please…” He cries, to no avail. There is no one to hear his words. 

Vox’s heart shatters into a million shards of blood and tears and glass. He mourns for the love he almost had, for the loss of the person closest to his heart, for his one true constant in this hellscape. 

He gently closes Alastor’s eyes. Now it seems as though the demon is just sleeping- no. Alastor never looked this peaceful when he slept. 

Vox slides his arms underneath Alastor’s cooling body and stands. He teleports out of the ruined tower and walks through the rubble to the Morningstars and their friends. The princess is hugging her girlfriend while the porn star and the cat share a hug as well. Lucifer stands to the side. 

Charlie- that’s her name right?- turns around and spots Vox. 

“Vox?!” She stands in front of him, looking lost as she stares at Alastor’s bloodied body. “Wh…what happened? Did you do this?”

Vox shakes his head frantically. “I-I would never! He was in his tower…I guess Adam hit him harder than we thought. He…he bled out.”

Tears gather at the edges of Charlie’s eyes. “No…”

Vaggie runs to her girlfriend’s side. “Charlie- oh…”

One by one, the group gathers around Vox and Alastor. Charlie hides her face in Vaggie’s arms. Husker looks conflicted while Nifty full-on sobs. 

“I’m sorry,” Vox says. 

“What were his last words?” Charlie asks softly. 

“I couldn’t hear what he said,” Vox lies. “He was…coughing up a lot of blood.”

Charlie cries harder, soaking Vaggie’s shoulder. 

~~~~~~~~

The dark red coffin is slowly lowered into the ground with Lucifer’s magic. Charlie sniffles softly, and even Angel has to turn away. 

Vox stands a little separate from the group and watches Lucifer use his magic to fill the grave with dirt. 

Slowly, the other members leave the small courtyard, with Vaggie leading her girlfriend away, and Husk scooping up Nifty and leaving with Angel. Eventually, only Lucifer and Vox are left at the grave’s side. 

Lucifer slips by Vox with a low whisper of, “Don’t stay for too long. It’ll hurt more.”

Vox doesn’t respond, instead choosing to stare at the tombstone. 

It was carved out of granite to look like an old radio.

Alastor 

“I could never choose to love another; maybe one day I could learn to love you too.” - We Become We

Vox had chosen the inscription himself, though it took many tries to get a readable version. 

He knelt by the grave. 

“Hey.” God, he sounded so stupid. But this was the only way to get closure. He would never find closure. It hurt too much. “I miss you. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

He placed the broken staff and a few flowers. A pink carnation, a cyclamen, a purple hyacinth, and a sprig of rosemary. 

Vox stands and brushes off his coat. He stares down at the freshly turned dirt and flowers. 

“I love you,” He whispers. “I’m sorry.”

~~~~~~~~

[xamaxenta]

I rly should change my phone number

[rufusx2]

dear anon (though i do know who you are, so i'm writing this with you in mind):

this is true, nothing you have said is something i would necessarily disagree with. the post is satirical and the longer work is about my own flawed thinking (though i will likely not post it in it's entirety until it is done, all of my meowing is just for snippets, though i understand that it can come across as strange or concerning if you are unaware of this as i have not posted my blog organization anywhere. in fact, the on;y posts of mine UNRELATED to my main bodies of work, my songwriting, are the photo posts organized under "#blinks").

this is the purpose of using language like "flawed in the right way"- i know my own lines of thinking are most definitely caused by societal problems, and they are not productive nor based in logic. even my blog header ("you delicate, precious, dying thing!") is supposed to bring to mind the "ideal" female body as being delicate and starved (which is a bad thing for people with a brain... but not for the narrator!). being born "right" (or "rightwrong" as i tend to refer to it, which is just a heavyhanded way of pointing out that calling yourself "born right" is flawed thinking) is not an actual thing, though i cannot help but loop back into this logic of "if only i had been born as somebody else" forgetting, of course, that i will only ever be myself. i focus on my own female form (and wishing to have been born differently) as a manifestation of poor body image (weight related) and self hatred (in terms of personality). if i had the power to be born differently, a "better" person, my brain (or i guess *I* would, i use "my brain" as a way of distancing myself from my own bad thoughts which is probably not helping the problem) would make this person male- the point is that not only is the premise impossible, but being a "better" person is impossible if you completely change yourself, and using this line of logic we can see that the CONCLUSIONS myself, or rather, the narrator of the piece of writing, (if i'm to be neutral and detached and pretend that it's NOT me saying all this), are also incorrect, and impossible regardless which makes dwelling upon them pointless in the first place. it's a futile line of thinking, and every word is clouded through a thick layer of rosy haze. i would even be inclined to at some points call it christocentric... this is why i used "wwjd" in a sarcastic way in some of my posts (that may or may not be publicly visible yet due to my queue system). take that how you will.

calling the female form flawed was not a way of thinking that the reader/listener is supposed to agree with (though again, it is a disembodied snippet, so of course you wouldn't know this upon reading so i don't blame you for not picking up on it. i am fine! i know there is nothing wrong with my body. and yet... i feel my own mind needling at me). i wouldn't exactly say that my writings are explicitly feminist, because that implies a conscious agenda and explicit political messaging when really it's all just personal anecdotes, but since i would describe myself as being a feminist i think the undertones bleed through. or at least, i hope they will when i do eventually release more.

i know i can never have what i want, and i know that what i want is NOT rational, or good, and is entirely based in heteropatriarchal ideas, but i can't help myself and i need to confront that desire frankly in order to identify it. you can't exactly get a good look at yourself if you close your eyes when you approach the mirror, and this is how i feel about ignoring these thoughts. i cannot pretend that i do not feel this way, and i dont really think it services anyone to pretend i always feel positively about my body. wallowing in them isn't always helpful for the wallow-er, but it perhaps CAN be for a witness who doesn't realize that they are not alone in their way of existing. there are many ways to be, in this body, and others like it, and while negativity is a symptom of a larger problem i have to be honest about it.

[zvdvdlvr]

Okay but hear me out Hotch's love language is acts of service. That man is a caregiver and maybe I'm projecting because I'm currently taking care of my own stitches but like if you were hurt in the field and got cut by a knife or something he would absolutely go out of his way to clean your wound and rebandage you as needed. Or like if you burnt your hand grabbing a hot pan or something while you guys were making dinner 🥲 he's just so soft

Yes. Absolutely. This is literally him.

Aaron’s always gonna blame himself, no matter if it really is his fault or not; so taking care of you in any way, shape, or form is always gonna be an opportunity Aaron will take.

Even if you aren’t dating Aaron still wants to help patch you up because thats just the kinda guy he is :))

im giggling thinking about being in a relationship woth Hotch and him sitting you down to rewrap a bandage, put vaseline or aquaphor on your stitches, or even putting ointment on a burn.

Boyfriend!Hotch fawning over tou after you burn yourself making dinner for you, him, and Jack!!!!!!! He would undoubtedly drop everything and run over after hearing you hiss in pain and cuss quietly (he admires how you try not to cuss in fromt of Jack). “Oh, honey,” he’d coo and pull you over to the sink. I NEED HIM TO CALL ME ‘HONEY’, YOUR HONOR.

Can you imagine him kissing the bandage too after you cracked a joke about him kissing Jack’s boo-boos?? 😥😥 i actually need him.

OKOKOKOK

imagine you just got cut by an unsub:

It wasn’t Hotch’s fault, no matter how much you tried to reassure him as the medics stitched up the admittedly deep cut on your thigh.

The unsub, you tried to reason with him, was just a hunter with very good aim and a warped mind. But Hotch wouldn’t have it. He literally wrapped your arm over his shoulder so he could walk you out to the medics, paced on the ground outside the ambulance, and refused to let you drive to the plane and hotel without him.

So that’s where you are now: opening your door for Hotch and Jack to enter your house.

“Hi, y/n!” Jack greeted, throwing himself out to hug y/n’s legs. You patted his back and ran a hand through his hair.

“Hey kiddo,” you greeted, trying to hide the wince on your face before Aaron saw.

But he did. “I, uh, told Jack you got hurt and he… decided he would throw a fit until he came to make sure you weren’t sad.”

That made you smile; yeah, Hotch, blamd it on Jack. “You’re the sweetest, Jackie-boy. No way any one could be sad around you,” you practically sang, picking the boy up. “Come in, Hotch. I see that first-aid kit you have.”

Hotch pretended not to see the way you favored your uninjured leg over the other when you set Jack on the couch, already knowing what movie he wanted to watch.

“Hey,” you said finally, “Jack’s watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier.” You took a seat at the table.

“He was excited about coming to see you,” Aaron admits. “He told me that you’re his favorite because you ‘like Captain America, always have candy, and make sure he’s never sad’, according to him.”

You laugh a little, but your heart is swollen up in your chest like a balloon. You’re Jack’s favorite? “So… tell me why you’re really here, Hotch.”

“Aaron.”

You pause, seeing Hotch’s eye contact falter. “What?”

“You can call me Aaron. We aren’t at the office, so I don’t see a problem in you calling me Aaron. And my son is on your couch, so…” He trails off, a smile pulling at his lips.

You think you can feel little a butterfly volcano erupt in your stomach. You’re hot boss is smiling at you. Inside your house. “So,” you start again, voice quieter this time, “why are you here, Aaron?” You want to scream. Hotch’s name on your tongue felt foreign but you really wanted to get used to calling him by his first name.

“I wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself after getting,” he paused, thinking of the blood staining your pants when he first saw you, “cut up by the unsub.”

“If you want me to take my pants off, you just have to ask,” you scoffed, tugging down your sweatpants to reveal a bloodied bandage wrapped in gauze. Your shirt was oversized, falling to just above the end of the gauze. “I changed the wrap a couple hours ago, but I got bored and moved some stuff around and it probably started bleeding,” you explained, watching Aaron pull set your leg on the chair he was sitting in to rewrap your injury.

“Y-This is okay?” He asked, large hands hovering directly over your skin.

After nodding, you swallowed as you watched Aaron carefully unwrapped the thin gauze and inspected the dark red patterns staining the bandage.

He doesn’t say a word as he rips the bandage off, not saying a word when he feels your hand fly to his shoulder for support- something that makes him flush a little.

“Aaron, I can do it mysel-“

“Let me take care of you,” he interrupts, looking up at you with those puppy dog eyes that he does so well and you know you’d listen to him if he told you to rip your heart out of your chest and give it to him just because he’s got you wrapped around his pinkie.

“Okay.”

Despite the movie in the background, you both fall into silence; afraid to break the silence.

He had to admit, Aaron hadn’t felt so giddy in a while. Even here, on his knees in your home, Aaron found himself once again questioning if he wanted to make a move. He felt you squeeze his shoulder a little as he dabbed some cold ointment on the stitches but he wanted to feel your hands on him. Rewrapping the bandage would be the awkward part: having to get his hands very close to your sex.

“Do you want to do it?” Aaron asked.

“I think you should. I might mess it up or something,” you shrug, clearly lying. But Aaron wanted you to lie.

So carefully, gingerly, Aaron wrapped the guaze over the bandage, hands gliding over your thigh to make sure the thin material would stay.

“Done,” he announced. “Does it feel okay? Not too tight? Too loose?” He asked.

“Perfect.”

He looked up at you. “y/n?”

“I think… my thigh’s a little sore. You uh, might need to kiss my boo-boo to make sure I feel better.”

A sly smile grew on Aaron’s face while he watched your face turn red and you avoiding eye contact.

So Aaron leaned over and pressed his lips to the sterile gauze, kissing the material covering your skin.

The butterfly volcano had successfully self destructed, making every body part possible buzz at the sight of Aaron leaning over you.

[aliaology]

LOOK AFTER YOU

summary: luke decides to ultimately end his relationship with his girlfriend because he knows hes not good enough for her

pairings: luke hughes x fem!reader

warning: just lots of angst!

rushing was never your thing, but right now you were racing to your boyfriends dorm room in hopes to see what was so important. he rarely texted you at midnight, because by then he was asleep. he needed it for hockey.

you walked into his dorm building, making your way to the stairs and heading up. you had his building memorized. you had his room layout memorized. you had him memorized.

thats why your brows furrowed in confusion when you saw the look of guilt on his face as he opened his door. you didn’t even get to knock.

“luke, are you okay?” you blurt, watching him softly shut the door.

“sit down, please.” he requested.

you obliged and sat down on his bed. the only thing lighting the room was his cheap LED lights that you strung up for him.

you looked at him, concern swimming in your eyes. “whats going on?”

luke sighed as he paced in front of you. he didn’t know how to say it. how to just easily break someones heart. he wishes he could, that way it wouldn’t be hard on your or him.

of course, he didn’t want to do this, but he had to. he wasn’t good for you. he barely had time for you. he opened his mouth to speak, but the words got stuck.

“luke— what is it?” you pressed.

“i think we should break up.”

yeah, not what you were exactly expecting. your eyes widened, shock fulfilling your body. “what— what?” you stuttered.

luke looked guilty. shame plastered across his pretty face. he watched as tears welled in your eyes. the look of hurt spreading across your face. oh how he wanted to kiss your tears away.

“i—i dont get it. did i do something wrong?” you cried. tears started to fall.

luke crouched in front of you. “no— god no pretty girl. none of this is your fault baby. i— i just dont feel an us anymore.” he lied.

he lied through his perfect teeth. he needed you to stay away. to not be with him anymore. he didn’t want you trying. he wouldn’t survive. he’d fall right back at your feet.

“im so sorry, baby. i just don’t want to make you feel unloved or like this is one-sides. its not fair to you.” he told.

you cried softly. your heart ached. how did he lose feelings? when?

“and hey— hey, just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean you have to be a stranger. i want you to live happily, i just don’t want it to be with me.”

you cried harder. “im so sorry baby.”

how could he be sorry and still call you baby? you got off his bed and walked out. you couldn’t stay in there. you felt like it was getting smaller.

luke watched you walk out with sad eyes. he felt horrible, but it was for the best, right?

you walked outside, tears streaming down your pretty cheeks. you cried on your walk back. you cried on your way into your room. you cried yourself to sleep. luke cried himself to sleep.

but it was for the better.

you: i miss you

luke: you have to stop texting me, y/n. its not healthy for you.

you: i tried working on the project we started together

you: i made it white, like we wanted

luke: go to sleep, y/n

you: i got our mini house halfway down

you: its close to finished

luke: y/n, why are you still texting me?

you: because i miss you

luke: you need to stop.

you: i bought mini furniture

you: it has your favorite pattern on the couch

you: i finished the house.

you: please dont make a mini house with her though

tags (perm!): @slaythehousebootsdown13 , @outrunangelss , @um-mads , @bqbylon , @whoreforthehughesbrothers , @p3nislawd , @queenmendes

link to get tags! here

[xoxohoneymoongirl]

to the bitch at school who anonymously tiplined me to the school for having an ED

TW: ED, unhealthy eating, a bitch yapping, female rage

count your fucking days. i swear to fucking god when i found out who did it, its over. this bitch has ruined my life, i dont care if its a teacher, a student, A FUCKING FRIEND, i could not care less, i will fucking fight you. thats a promise. its not my fault you are bitter and sad that you have no self control, sabotaging me is not the way to go about helping those feelings. and the thing is like...im not even diagnosed like please just let me live my life and lose weight. smh. there are so many other people who could have been reported who are so much worse than me.

OH BTW, if it was a friend, just know i will never fucking trust or talk to you again because my life has been fucking ruined. summer is coming up and im going to be the fat ugly friend again this year because of you so, thank you for that! im having constant panic attacks because i have absolutely zero control right now.

OH, and get this, i cant even fucking weigh myself because my mom wont let me go on the scale, so not only is she forcing me to eat all my meals, she also wont let me have any form of control at all!! im so fucking angry, i feel like a fucking pig, i didnt even get to my desired weight before the bitch reported me.

MY GOAL ISNT EVEN THAT BAD JUST 110? I LITERALLY HAD 4 POUNDS LEFT YOU CUNT!!!

im so stressed out rn so if anyone has tips on how to secretly do it lmk

[minnielvr]

future reference - hwang hyunjin

˚ ༘ pairing bf! hyunjin x fem reader

˚ ༘ genre hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

˚ ༘ wc 826

˚ ༘ warnings angst, reader is insecure

˚ ༘ note this shit was hella self indulgent!!

you had just gotten back home after yet another bad day and all you could do was look in the mirror, judging each part of your body. your brain pointing out all of your flaws. the acne on your skin, the frizzy, unbrushed hair sitting atop your head, and so many other things you just hated about yourself.

why does he even love you? what does he see in you thats so special? your boyfriend, hwang hyunjin, was practically sculpted by the greek gods. he's tall, handsome, strong, and oh so sweet. he's everything a woman could ever want on this planet. but for some reason, he chose you. and you did not know why.

of course, you knew he loved you. he says it every day. and if thats not enough, he buys you the most expensive jewelry and the most lavish clothes. not to mention the dates he takes you on, fancy 5-star restaurants all the time. still, you couldn't help but think, why?

with all of the voices in your brain you hadn't heard the door open and close, or the voice of hyunjin telling you he's home. when he walked up to your guys shared bedroom and saw you staring at yourself, he knew what was happening.

"hey sweetie, everything okay?" he asked right by your ear as he snaked his arms around your waist.

"y-yea everythings fine." you tried to get out of his hold, but he didn't let you.

he led you over to the bed and laid you on the bed, then he slipped in next to you. he pulled the covers over you two and grabbed your waist and turned you towards him.

"whats going on in that pretty little head of yours hm?" he asked.

"hyunjin its nothing really. just some stupid stuff." you tried to dismiss the subject.

"hey nothing that you feel is stupid. your feelings are valid okay?" he reminded you. "so, what're you thinkin' about?" he asked once again.

"i just felt..weird today. i started to wonder why you love me." you admitted.

the look on his face was a mixture of shock and sadness, but most of all guilt. how could he let you think like that? now he was angry at himself. had he not been doing enough to show you his love?

you could sense that hyunjin was about to start beating himself up for it, so before he could talk you decided to explain yourself.

"im not saying you don't do enough because you definitely do! i appreciate it really and i love you so much for that. but i cant help but think why me hyunjin? theres so many other girls who're better looking than me and don't act like this. i mean, all the girls in the idol industry are better than me so, why?" you had word vomit, you didn't mean to say that much, but it just came out. and now you could see tears in his eyes.

"y/n..i-i'm so sorry you feel this way. how did i never notice? god i'm such a bad boyfriend." he chuckled at himself while trying to wipe away the tears. and before you could say anything about how its not his fault he continued on.

"i want you because you're...y/n. you better than any girl out there. you're pretty and smart and super funny, but what i love most is that you have the biggest heart ever. more than any of girls in the idol industry. you're so kind to me y/n. you don't love me just for my looks or for my money, you love me for who i truly am. and thats the same reason i love you. you're perfect in my eyes." at this point there was several tears rolling down his cheeks, but neither of you cared.

"hyunjin..." you started at him sweetly and brought a hand to his cheek to wipe away the tears, ignoring your own. "god i love you so much," you chuckled, "what would i do without you?"

"no, what would i do without you, my y/n? my beautiful girl" he embraced you and held you close to his chest. "one day, im going to tell everyone in the world that you're the love of my life okay? im going to yell it out from the top of a building." he said.

you giggled. "one day, i want to be able to call you my husband." you looked up at him from his chest.

his eyes went wide, and so did his smile. "you mean that?"

"of course." you assured him.

"okay then, i know i dont have a ring or anything yet. but just for future reference, will you marry me?" he asked with a big grin.

"hyunjin!!!" you shoved your face back in his chest and laughed. then you looked back up at him.

"just for future reference, yes hyunjin, i will marry you."

[corpsebasil]

wait omg im thinkinggggg about knight nikolai because when am I not

imagine him being like…more committed to his oath in this one. hear me tf out

just look at him Jesus Christ

So your chambers are connected to his with a panel in the wall. Easier to get to you if you’re in danger, obviously. And you spend a lot of time with him as his princess. Time spent getting to know the man behind the armor.

(lol behind the armor get it anyways)

Headcanons of mine about his favorite activities to do with you:

- horseback riding

- playing cards

- reading quietly in each other’s company

- sneaking into the kitchens and baking.

omfg imagine him with like some flour on his face and the two of you are just making a giant mess. huge mess.

like—

You: give me that!

Nik: It’s not my fault you can’t reach it.

You: you’re WAY TALLER THAN ME.

Nik: jump, princess.

You: I will climb you like a tree—

and the whole time he’s got your spatula above his head, high up, and grinning down at you while you’re pouting and attempting to snatch it back.

but ONE NIGHT he doesn’t stay in your rooms with you to play cards. It’s your weekend tradition so obviously you’re confused. he’d been avoiding you all week, actually.

he didn’t wake you up to join you on his morning runs (he even looked a little guilty about it when he came back sweaty and you had your arms crossed), didn’t have breakfast with you like he usually did when he managed to sneak away from the barracks, and stayed calmly avoiding eye-contact from where he leaned against the wall during dinner.

so naturally you’re confused. that’s how you find yourself knocking on the door that separates your rooms, demanding answers from your knight.

no reply, so you go in. and boyyy are you shocked.

he’s sitting in the chair at his desk, head in one of his hands, a bottle gripped in the other. he’s halfway in by the looks of the significant amount of empty space inside.

he looks up when you enter and he shakes his head in a simple ‘no’ gesture. Whatever that means.

OKAY DRABBLE TIME

^^thats me to him btw

“You’re avoiding me.” You say. His fingers grip the neck of the bottle tighter, his eyes slightly bloodshot and tired. “Tell me why.”

It’s not a optional—it’s a demand.

“Princess..” he begins, voice hoarse as he sets the bottle down and sits up straighter. “Go to your rooms.”

“I give the orders last time I checked.”

His expression is pained when he tries again.

“Please go.”

“No.”

“Princess, please. Go.”

(I WILL STAY! I COMMAND IT)

He stands swiftly and moves over to you, gesturing to the door at your back.

“Do not be difficult.”

“Then tell me what I’ve done wrong?” You watch as he runs a hand over his face, his entire manner one of distress. “You’re my—” You pause. “You’re my friend.”

“That’s the problem.”

“How—”

“I made an oath.” He snaps loudly, then curses under his breath. “I swore an oath to you. To the crown.” When you only stare, perplexed, he walks in a slightly wobbly line over to where his sword rests. “When I was sworn in as Captain of the guards you held this sword. You gave me that honor.”

“I—its tradition for the princess to—”

“I swore an oath. To you.” He makes a pained noise and runs a hand over his face again. Then he frowns and shakes his head. “I stood in front of every one of my knights and pledged my loyalty to them. But I was pledging to you.”

By now you feel slightly winded as you watch him, your fingers trembling at your sides as you try and sort through what he’s saying.

“Nikolai..” you begin, moving a step closer. He doesn’t move, but you see his jaw tighten, a muscle twitching. “What are you telling me?”

“I swore an oath.” He replies quietly—almost desperately—and goes on. “To protect you. To honor you and I—” You watch him take in a deep breath, your heart racing. “I cant do that anymore. Not when I disrespect you every single moment in your presence.”

Your mouth dries.

“You’ve never disrespected me.” You insist softly and he gives you a sad, defeated smile.

“I disrespect you every time I look at you.”

“Nikolai—how—”

“It’s the way you—” He pauses and reaches out, his fingers hovering next to your face for a moment. His knuckles just barely graze your cheekbone before he sucks in a breath and stops. “It’s the way I think about you. All the time. It’s killing me.” He swallows and places a hand on his chest over his heart. “I swore to protect you, die for you..” a shake of the head. “…but all I can think about is…” another shake, his knuckles brushing down your face to rest against the edge of your lips. You aren’t sure you’re breathing. “What it would feel like to..”

You’re staring in mute shock as he watches your mouth, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he’s tilting your chin up to him, his eyes moving back to yours. You step closer involuntarily and his pupils seem to dilate a fraction at your nearness.

“Tell me to stop.” He murmurs, looking at you raptly. “Tell me I’m disgracing you. Tell me I’ve lost you.”

“You won’t lose me. Not ever.” You breathe.

Nikolai is still for a moment before leaning in, your eyes shutting on a nervous inhale when you feel him getting closer. He touches his forehead to yours for a brief second before carefully, almost cautiously, pressing his mouth to yours.

Oh.

You’re surprised not only by the wave of desire that rushes over you but how fast it hits you. Suddenly you’re clutching his shirt, yanking him closer as he groans into your mouth, parting your lips for deeper kiss. He’s literally starving for you good God.

[cloudysunflowr]

Hello! Sorry if this has already been asked, but for the Deity AU: What's the storyline? Like when do certain things (that you are comfortable with sharing) transpire? I'm kinda new, so I'm just trying to find out what I can to catch up to everyone else who has been here. But besides that, I hope you have a wonderfully lovely day/night! :] (Also, I love your art and au's, there so fun!)

Hi hi!

Their story is mainly left untold— Like— I like to draw them for comfort and fun and dont really plan to write it out? Like— as in fully.

I do have a story with an ending tho and its mainly dealing with Wally and my oc Aiden.

Ill put it here since like I said I dont really plan to write it fully. Also their playlist which is where the story goes chronologically! :oD

The playlist

Ok oof-

Here goes—

This is gonna be me REALLY COMPACTING IT AS MUCH AS I CAN

So like… spoilers ig????

Aiden is the son of a chief/king? He wants to grow up and be as revered as his father. His friend of childhood is from a rival place and his name is Dante.

Aiden is trans and his dad doesnt really have faith but thanks to his mom and Frank (who he meets as a kid) he gets trained up and finally accepted in to the army.

Aiden and Dante find out their homes are at war and are like “nooo dont fight haha” and their parents are like “yea? Political marriage” and theyre like “shit”

So they become engaged, Dante has a small crush on Aiden so hes not that mad, Aiden doesnt want it. Their parents still plan to fight but in a backstab way.

Dad needs a right hand man, doesnt choose Aiden, chooses his rival but soon to be best friend (I dont have a name yet for them).

They go to war, Aidens dad tells him “lol go kill Dante while I kill the dad” Aiden gets told by deity same thing. To kill Dante or blood will be shed from his home. Aiden is about to, cant go through with it. Dante doesnt know.

They still win the battle, marriage is obviously called off. Aidens dad gets help from a witch to head home while Aiden meets Barnaby and gets help handling the witch (her name is Willow).

Dad and Frank get into an argument lmao. Frank is like “I pseudo raised your kid” and dad is like “nuh uh” dad does NOT know hes arguing with a deity. Aiden adult at this point.

Aiden meets Wally. Wally meets his parents and they bond a bit before he leaves after I think a week? Month? Dont remember. Aiden is big sad, bro misses him even tho he almost killed him.

Mom proud of the warrior Aiden became.

Another battle at war. Aiden is finally given the chance to lead a team. Blinds Dantes brother who is a tyrant. Frank and Aiden argue about leaving the guy alive.

Aiden meets Cloud god (lmao)

Dantes dad kills Aidens dad. Best friend saves the remaining crew by getting them tf out of there. They also found out Dantes brother was also killed but Aiden doesnt know if that was his fault.

Aiden meets Mathew after going through Eddies sacred lands or spirits and memory. Finds out mom died too. Aiden says fuck it Im going to be brutal with everyone.

Kills Dantes dad.

Taking care of Camila , his lil sis, and meets Wally again. Lovey lovey again.

Frank is like “bro nah thats a god youre a mortal” Aiden is like “you right” and tries to break up with Wally but Wally is like “Wait no, fuck the rules” and Aiden is like “…touché”

Aiden proposes, they marry

Maybe a kid? Debating.

Dante has a kid.

Dante sends assassins, Aiden kills them. Brutal with his opponents. Sacrifices his men. Goes through mutiny. Howdy like “lol death to your crew”. Best friend dies but also finds out that friend is who killed Dantes blinded brother which led to Aidens dads death.

Aiden tries to break off with Wally again because of everything hes been through he doesnt want that for Wally. Wally is like “Calm down—“

Lovey lovey

Dante has a dream of killing Aiden. Gets his crew for a strike.

Kills Aiden. Aiden says goodbye to his sister as shes taken away to safety as his home burns.

Wally grieving when he finds out

Kills Dante

Camila (adult now) comes back and calms Wally down. Befriends him.

Camila dies of old age.

Wally is learning to deal with grief.

Meets Aiden again as reincarnation.

Continues to love him through reincarnation and reincarnation.

Eventually gives up his divinity to live as mortal with Aiden.

[002yb]

I cried during your whole reply to the late ask. But please consider: Dick can't stand to look at Jaybin bc he feels too guilty and sad and he still thinks its his fault. And little jaybin is sad bc nothing has changed Dick still haces him no matter how much he loves him and Jason goes full mother on him bc a) he gets it, those are his feelings b) its a kid and Jason cant stand to look at a kid sad and c) if no one is looking out for him he might as well do. Damian is very !!!! Bc his position as jasons baby is in danger but also thats Jason as a *baby*. And Jason is just mothering two kids and Dick is taken out at the knees bc Jasons so perfect and protective and omG he wants to cry everytime he sees them. (Bruce is crying ln the corner and staring holes onto them) (Jason confronts Dick about making Jaybin sad and Dick cries)

Im so sorry this is so long but i got thoughts that i wanted to share bc your posts always make me happy<33 hope youre doing good and take it slow and one step at a time<3 love u<3

The angst potential from this angle of the double-Jay!AU, oh dear. It hurts in a different way from this post. But yes, let's explore:

Where Jaybin is so excited to see what's become of the future. He's eager to see how his small family is doing and if it's grown, what all Batman & Robin have achieved - what Jason has accomplished. More than anything, he wants to know that all their efforts have made a difference for Gotham.

Needless to say, Jaybin is left...unmoored, for lack of better words.

Because everything is wrong.

Bruce won't look at him. Dick still avoids him. Gotham is still fucked up. And just - Jaybin is welcome in the mansion, but it doesn't take a detective to realize that future Jason is estranged because everyone hates him, too

And ughhh, Jaybin trying to mend those burned bridges because he's alone and without proper support, but it's like he's a ghost

So, because Jaybin knows that it must be his fault, he singles out Jason. Without really understanding what happened, Jaybin blames himself and tells Jason to fix it.

Because Jaybin wants his dad back. He wants his family.

Jason being blindsided by 'his' upset feelings although they're nothing new. He's sat with them for years. No one understands more than him how fucking bad this grief hurts.

But Jason is Jason and while he feels a compulsion to help, the subject matter strikes him dumb temporarily

So Jaybin grieves because he can't understand what went wrong. Something something, he lashes out and says some cruel things about how they should just die

And that's what Damian overhears and like. This boy does not take kindly to the cruelty.

There's a Damian/Jaybin throwdown that finally snaps Jason back into action. He separates them and sends Damian off with a promise to tend to him later, but for now - Jaybin

With Jason patching Jaybin up. And them having a bit of a heart to heart.

Where Jason hears out everything that's bothering Jaybin and answering as patiently/kindly as he can. Things with Bruce? Can't fix that. Gotham? Work in progress. Bat methods are a joke, so he's trying his own thing.

And Dick?

What about him?

Jaybin kicking out his leg and grumbling about how Dick still hates them. He avoids Jaybin like the plague.

Jason being surprised at that. While it made sense back in Jaybin's timeline (something Jason has begrudgingly come to understand), Dick seems the sort to capitalize on a situation like this. Jaybin is, objectively, darling. And easily teased.

Jason grumbling about how Jaybin must have that crush by this point in time, huh?

Jaybin flustering because what? No. Shut up.

Jason snickering, then getting melancholic and soft. He shrugs and admits nothing comes of it. Better to give it up.

Have you?

It's the biggest call out.

It's not something Jason is dealing with, so he slaps a bandage on Jaybin's face and goes to tend to Damian

Which leads to sleepovers at Jason's flat. Where Damian bristles like a territorial cat because Jaybin is encroaching on Damian's Jason/space/etc. The only reason Damian behaves himself and begrudgingly looks after Jaybin is because Jason requests it of him. Damian definitely isn't happy about it though.

Which leads to a whole other side plot of Damian learning about who Jason was before he grew to be what he is. And Damian recognizing qualities he really loves about Jason in Jaybin, but also the differences. Like how all Jason's jagged edges aren't yet so piercing. Jaded, but not yet wrecked.

And of course Damian falls in love with Jason all over again contemplates his discoveries to Dick. Who is fondly reminiscent because he remembers well and sees it all, too. ;U;

But what's more? Dick recounting stories of the sparse times Jason and he were together. Damian noticing how Dick is so soft and melancholic and regretful.

Which, like - just hang out with him? Jaybin is here. Now's the time to make things right.

Which Dick is adamantly against because he's of the mindset that he'll make things worse. He always does with Jason. And Damian is fully just l: because really, Grayson? Pathetic. He wasn't there before; be there now. If Damian knows anything with any certainty, it's that Dick is unashamedly relentless. Is Damian wrong? )<

More than anyone, Damian knows the importance of Dick just…showing up. So.

Which leads to Dick asking Jaybin to go on patrol with him.

Needless to say, Jaybin, Jason, and Damian are dumbstruck because what

Jason and Damian? Jealous af (though Jason bites his tongue while Damian spits and sputters because he's Robin, damn it). Jaybin though? Starry eyed with the most brilliant of smiles

Commence a lot of Dick and Jaybin bonding as Dick steps up in the way he couldn't before. All while Jason and Damian get all huffy and petulant in the background.

But it's cool because Jaybin invites Dick over for dinner at Jason's one night. Which forces Dick and Jason to spend time together in a domestic capacity. But before that:

Dick being let inside the flat by Jaybin. And Jason peers around the corner to the kitchen because who the fuck?

His eyes going wide because wtf is Dick doing here?

'Whatever it is - it wasn't me.'

Which makes Dick grimace because he's not here on a case, Jaybin invited him

Jason being all wary because that's just how things are at this point. Still, he lets Jaybin have his company. It's fine. It's whatever. Jason was cooking extra anyway.

And yeah, something something Dick watching Jason be a caretaker

Dick minding his own business before Damian kicks him beneath the table and glowers at him because: 'don't get any ideas, Grayson.'

To which Dick is !! because what? No! No, no.

It's just surprising/disarming/sweet, is all. Dick's never seen Jason in this capacity. //3///

And yes. More dinners. Family patrols. Dick being brought more into the loop and Jason begrudgingly allowing Dick into their family unit space. Something something, Dick running errands after work or bringing home food. Everyone going out for some outings. Joint patrols. Just strong family vibes that heal all of them, tbh. ;U;

[softzindagi]

Saw your post about Maxton Hall and I hope you don't mind me coming into your inbox because I have some thoughts as well.

I think what I find the most interesting about Bellfort's early dynamic is that James basically had like pretty one-sided beef with Ruby lmao. Yes, she thought he was an arrogant ass but she definitely didn't wanna fight with him. Meanwhile, James was fully convinced he is at war with this girl. It's actually kinda sad because it shows the toxic mindset he has due to his father. But also how fucked his world is. Especially with the context of Lydia, who got fucked over by a trusted person. (Wish the show would've gone into more detail with that) So I can't fault him for not believing Ruby or for thinking of ways to shut her up. He was protective of his family because people usually hurt them if they got any dirt on them. Like how many people did he have to pay off, how many people kinda took advantage of him and like had sex with him, so they would shut up? It also raises the question about his friends. Does he feel like he can fully trust them, or does he feel paranoid around them as well?

Meanwhile, Ruby just wants to be left alone, but James can't understand this because he always looks for ulterior motives, which really makes the lacrosse field scene so special. Like in episode 1, he calls her a nobody, but then she shows him great strength by genuinely apologizing, and suddenly, he sees her as an equal. (Calling her and himself kings who bow down in front of each other) This definitely never happened before because his whole world view shattered there. You could see it in his eyes. It's sad to think he probably didn't experience kindness before. Like Ruby was genuinely hurt by her ways and words she threw at him, James probably didn't feel this way about her this time because he was at war with her. It had to be Ruby making the first step and showing compassion for him, so he could learn that there are other ways to life. Other ways than what his dad fed him since he was a kid.

PLEASE im so glad you pointed all of this out, because ABSOLUTELY YES! he continues to not understand why she wants to stay invisible, he’s never wanted to just be invisible bc he’s never had that luxury! And now it makes me think, when he says he never wants to leave their room in the last episode, that he does want to be invisible, he doesn’t want the world he was born into. And he’s even sad ruby tells him he should take advantage of his circumstances, because he doesnt want to. I think him walking away from that hall and seeing those drummers on the street, the freedom of it, he wants that. And he hopes when he gets home that maybe he can have that, if he fights for it enough, if he can convince his mother because he’ll never convince his father. And then he comes home and the rug gets pulled so violently from under him. For the first time, he had real hope and want something for himself and it’s gone in a blink of an eye.

When he tells ruby that she would be able to say she had the hottest guy in the school when he’s trying to bribe her? You’re so right, it’s probably happened before, that someone has asked for sex while blackmailing him and thats so heartbreaking. He absolutely thinks his friends only like him for his name, but not Alister, you see that in the little scenes they have with each other. The slight digs that is meant to be for friends who want their friend to be better, to the comforting words afterwards. They make each other better and point out the idiocy, both of them in love with someone they shouldn’t be with (ruby because his dad is a dick, and keshav because he has internalized homophobia).

The one sided beef, the way even lydia is like, youre going to far now, she’s not said anything? But James won’t be deterred, he’s what his father taught him to be, but then she hits hard to the core of him, she isn’t afraid to tell him to his face exactly what she thinks, and he’s not had that. Everyone bows to his family name and superiority but she won’t, it’s not in her blood. The second he talks about how poor she is, how she could use the money for a new backpack, it’s a switch in her head. She came to the school on merit alone, not money or societal standing, and she’ll be damned if this arrogant rich boy has the last word. Even when she asks to be left alone, she spars with him verbally, rises to his bait but still manages to have the last word. And that makes James hate her, but then Alister points out that he’s never seen Ruby that angry before, she’s never had cause to until James came full throttle into her life. She’s separated herself from every other girl in that school, who want him for his looks and his money, but she doesn’t. It’s altogether infuriating and intriguing to him, he’s captured. And maybe it’s his dad pushing Elaine onto him (but he was already captured) but he goes for it, he helps her with the poster and the dress and he’s struck dumb by her in that dress. The humiliation after his dad’s words, the embarrassment that he couldnt stand up for her even if he wanted to, it hurts him. And after, the “you’re not invisible anymore, not to me” JUST WOW! It’s so fucking good!!!

i could go on too but yeah I’ll stop there for now, thank you so so much for the ask! Made my night to talk about this because lord knows im still obsessed ❤️

[hey-i-am-trying]

Dude, IM part of the Spanish community and I thought Roier was being a total ass to Pepito's OG admin. That anon cant speak for us all and I honestly feel like Roier was mean as hell to that poor admin the hole damn time. I remember when he started pointing out the admins were changing and thought it was so rude to call out the REAL PEOPLE who were playing and acting like they HAD to act a specific way (like RIchas) or else he would spend the hole steam yelling at him, hitting him, insulting him as a """"joke"""" I fucking hated watching Roier and Pepito interact and NOT because of Pepito thats for sure. I was so glad when other people started looking after him and I feel so deeply bad for that poor OG admin who didnt get to play THEIR FUCKING character. I hate seeing people be like "we liked the other Pepito cause he fallowed Roier's story better" what about THAT ADMINS story???? As if these arnt real ass people roleplaying but just characters you can rewrite and should fit to form every time. The other eggs can have bad days and bad moods but Pepito cant? Its not only unfair and mean but it proved Pepito's self hatred right till the very end. Pepito's story is "If im not happy and bubbly 100% of the time ill be hated by the people meant to love me no matter what" and thats just shitty. I guess I can understand there was a tonal misunderstanding because Roier is more jokey and non serious and Pepito's OG admin seemed to me more in deep rp mode at all times and maybe that wasnt what was best for Roier's play style, thats fine. But to blame it all on """cultural differences""" and that the admin was rude is honestly just not it.

Thank you both for sharing!

Well, I think I will be fully honest and say that at the time, I stopped to watch any Roier qsmp steam because of Pepito. I didn't necessarly believed ccRoier was a bad person, it was just that the route qRoier's and Pepito's relationship were going was triggering some bad memories. It is weird that we know now that the actors weren't allowed to contact the ccs because you would think the story lines that both Roier and the og admin wanted to tell should required a lot of communication between the player and the actor.

I don't think that is either their fault that they wanted different storyline, but

I think Roier usually is very light-hearted with his humor and jokes about "la chancla"/"o chinelo" are very common place in LATAM, many latino kids are spanked during their childhoods and using it in humor is not a uncommon thing.

I think the context that the og admin is not from LATAM and did not speak spanish as her first language, adds to why they crashed so much in rp/humor style.

I don't think Roier was trying to be insulting, at least not out of charcter, but it is okay to have your own feeling about it.

It sad that I think this could have been avoided if Roier and the admin had a chance to talk.

I do not think that the admin was rude while I was watching but for what others said it was a situation were Roier was trying out of character explaning events of the week when the admin cursed at him. Not having spanish as their first language may have caused the admin to not realize the weight of what they were saying, they probably pretended to be light hearted.

But, well, it wasn't, at least not for those that were watching. And while I will repeat what I said before that the admin shouldn't be treated as trash or if there is something personallly wrong with them, they were rude in a situation, that is it.

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

THOUGHTS ON THE PJO TV SHOW??

OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!! overall my thoughts are. pretty mixed. so lets go over the things i think they did well and the things i think they did bad

did well:

the casting. i cant emphasize enough how fucking perfect the casting is holy shit

sallys character. i feel like they did a good job at portraying the struggles that might come with being a young mom raising a neurodivergent child who happens to be the son of a god

percys character. walker scobell does the role of percy amazingly and overall i think the writers did him justice

annabeths character. see what i said above and apply it to annabeth

grovers character. show!grover is alot different than book!grover but i like them both and overall think they did a good job writing show!grover (it helps that aryan portrays him like perfectly)

early luke. i do have a few problems with how they did lukes character in the later episodes of season one which we'll get to later but i think they did him pretty well in the first few episodes. charlie portrays him amazingly and i like how much emphasis they put on him thalia and annabeth having been a family and how much we got to see of him being an older brother figure to percy.

the "not everyone who looks like a monster is a monster, not everyone who looks like a hero is a hero" theme

the "to the gods power and glory and nothing else matters but percy isnt like that and annabeth doesnt want to be like that anymore" theme (this also ties into my percys character point and annabeths character point)

percy and poseidons relationship

sally and poseidons relationship

athena and annabeths relationship

medusas character and how they changed her from the books

did bad:

humor. the main draw of the pjo books was how funny they were. the show has its funny moments but its nowhere near as funny as the books and thats a problem when adopting something that so many people love for its humor.

show dont tell. the show often tells us things when it should be showing us and alot of scenes end up feeling expositiony.

LUKES CHARACTER AS A WHOLE. like i said i do like how they portrayed him in the first few episodes but holy shit they really fucked up with him later on. not to be a book purist but in the books the betrayal scene was so different. he went on a whole speech about how the gods precious western civilization was a disease and he was right and that was the whole point of the books. in the show he just says "they're bad parents, percy" and his hatred towards the gods is portrayed as a mix of a misunderstanding of their well meaning intentions, him being manipulated by kronos, and him just being a kid sad that he didnt have good parents. the betrayal scene completely misses the whole point of lukes character and by extension the whole point of percy jackson and the olympians as a whole. if im being honest im rather scared for how they're gonna end up doing with the other titan army kids.

may castellan. this ties into my luke point a little but i dont like how early and casually we learn about her in the show. percy and nico meeting may was such a good scene in the books because it gave us more insight into the main antagonists childhood, and thus why he ended up the way he did. annabeth just casually telling percy about her in the lotus casino doesn't have the same effect. prometheus showing percy luke and hermes's fight, percy seeing a fourteen year old luke yell at his dad "if you loved me youd tell me!" is such a huge scene in the books because it makes percy go maybe luke was right about the gods. and annabeth saying to hermes "i saw you and luke arguing, i saw him say what happened to his mom was your fault, that it was all your fault" just doesnt have the same effect

gabe being turned to stone. i dont like how it was his own stupidity that was his downfall and not sally making a concious decision to turn her and her sons abuser to stone.

overall there are some things i really like about the show and some things i hate with a burning passion, and im. hesitantly excited for season 2. i do genuinely want to see where the show goes and if it improves, if its previous mistakes become worse, if it finds new ways to fuck up, etc. (honestly there are alot of pjo characters i dont really trust disney with that im just kinda expecting them to fuck up on. mainly thalia tyson and nico but also like all the titan army kids)

i also do find something deeply fascinating about the way season 1 talks about thalia in comparison to book 1 but thats a discussion for another time 😭

[adidegmez]

spn s15 spoilers

s15 ep1(back and to the future)

one last time, the road so far. the demon is funny. i love big brother dean. their lat scene was awesome. we got work to do, this Show is going to kill me. this is the last season. their story will end. probably with a sad ending. i dont want to say goodbye.

s15 ep2(raising hell)

ketch! hi ketch. he knows how to make an enterance. rowena and ketch? rowena cared about jack. amara, i didnt think we would see her. kevin, ive missed you. where is jack, he was in the empty what is he doing now? we started saying goodbyes with kevin. and this will go on. i hate goodbyes.

s15 ep3(the rupture)

i miss crowley. ketch died. They're slowly removing everyone from the story. We're nearing the end. and now rowena. rowena is complicated, i love her. i thought rowena would want sam to kill her so that she could e the queen of hell or something like that. maybe she can return as queen of ell that would e nice. adam is still in the cage. dean, why are you so mad at cas? cant you forgive him? i wouldnt want their story to and like this but dean sam and cas theyre alive. there are 17 eps left. things will go bad. i hope they can get a happy ending, i hope they will all live but i dont think they will.

s15 ep4(atomic monsters)

i thought i saw benny. we got him and lost him in a minute. dean is gorgeous(i had to say it, he is always gorgeous). i love seeing deans smile, sam and cas too but dean is different, he is my favorite. becky, wow, she has a family? i would love to see team free will just doing laundry and talking with eachother without worrying about monsters. im happy for becky. becky youre gonna ruin winchesters life. poor boy it wasnt his fault but if he cant control it he has to die. if only there could be another way. Did Jensen sing the song? If anyone knows the name of the song, can you tell me? dean is hopeful we need that but Chuck is not gone. and he is going to ruin things. he will make the winchesters suffer, just because he enjoys it and doesnt like the winchesters anymore. and thats why i hate him

s15 ep5(proverbs 17:3)

why is sam having those dreams? is Chuck messing with his head? everyone is confused about deans pictures but he looks the same maybe a little bit older but same look. he even has the same hair. sam is the one WHO changed he look very different especially his hair. that doesnt make any sense everyone is suprised at deans not sams? lilith?!! only thing thet can kill the god (except jack i think) is gone. nice there is a link they can use that link. you were never free dean. i wish amara ould help them. maybe se will help them. but they need jack.

s15 ep6(golden time)

now eileen. Chuck is trying to break the winchesters. Dean doesn't seem to care because he's tired of playing Chuck's games and there doesn't seem to be any way they can beat Chuck right now. If they can find a way, Dean will go back to his old self. and they will beat Chuck. together, team free will (2.0 maybe jack will come too). what happened to banes twins. will we see them again? eileen is okay. well at least we have one good thing. Chuck is messing with cas now.

s15 ep7(last call)

dean is amazing, jensen is amazing. i love when he sings. he was happy at that bar, i love seeing him happy. it was good to see him happy in this last season, i hope we can see them happy more. sam cant die. they can beat Chuck but they still need help(maybe jack can help them)

s15 ep8(our father, who aren't in heaven)

they finally remembered adam. i love donatello but i miss kevin. hello rowena! i miss crowley, im glad she is the one whos in charge. i love rowena. adam is out of the cage. eileen and sam could be together. Chuck will kill eileen, right? Dean, you shouldn't still be mad at Cas, we're getting close to the end and you two shouldn't stay on bad terms anymore. i want jack back, when is he coming? okay, i hate Chuck. i used to love him when he was just a prophet but as god no i dont like him. he just watched all of them suffer and enjoyed it. and he is stil hurting them. he is a monster. i like this Michael. thanks to cage and adam he is better now. adam is in a better situation than the others. purgatory, i hope we can at least see benny.

s15 ep9(the trap)

of course chuck was behind all of this. benny is dead. when someone dies in purgatory where would they go? i thought they would born again in purgatory. dean finally forgave cas. No, this ending definitely wouldn't happen. Even if Sam and Dean had turned into monsters, they wouldn't have become monsters. They wouldn't have fought Bobby and Jody. They would have let them kill themselves. Cas is getting the mark. I hope this doesn't end badly like Dean's. jack!!! yes. why is billie doing this? idc Shell bring jack back. and he'll beat god. how can the light be bad? if hes bad, how can there be balance?

s15 ep10(the heroes' journey)

do they have bad luck or something? its Chuck isnt it? i heard some people say, garth didnt named his kid dean because he knew sam would name his kid dean and this makes sense to me. at least nothing bad happened to garth and his family. yeah they cant be normal. it was funny to see them like that but this isnt WHO they are.

s15 ep11(the gamblers)

hi jack! you finally came. my heroes. they are going to save the World. with cas and jack.

s15 ep12(galaxy brain)

I had forgotten about Kaia. Jack now has powers but he won't be able to use them. Kaia will be a problem. i hate Chuck. he is bored so he is destroying worlds. he needs to go. i loved old dean more.

s15 ep13(destiny's child)

when i watched about scoobynatural, i thought team would travel through different universes. for at least one season we couldve just watch them travel have fun save people but no they cant have fun more than one episode. if someone would help jack he can rule instead of Chuck. jack doesnt have a soul but he is good. i wish he had his soul. i loved meg. jack got his soul back, finally.

s15 ep14(last holiday)

i love deans reaction. cant they live like this? they are happy. of course they cant, Chuck wouldnt let that happen. Jack began to speak his father's language:) . dean, the birthday cake was nice. i love them.

s15 ep15(gimme shelter)

dean lied again.first to other kaia now amara. i hope he can keep his promise so he wouldnt be lying. jack will sacrifice himself. hopefully cas will find a way.

s15 ep16(drag me away (from you))

i hate seeing winchesters fight, especially when it's so close to the end. I hope they can be back to normal before this is all over.

s15 ep17(unity)

jack's not family? dean how could you say that he is your kid, he is a winchester. i love amara. i hope jack and amara can spend time with eachother. i hate Chuck. he manipulates everyone. it was Chuck all along. if only dean didnt lie to amara. she was nice she was trying to help but now she is dead. now jack is dying again.

s15 ep18(despair)

i want to say jack cant die but i cant be sure of anything. the story is ending in 3 episodes. billie didnt change she always wanted this. okay jack is alive nice. since this is the ep i can say it. cas will die in this ep and i know it. i knew it for a while i hoped this day would never come but here we are. this will be the day i learn this storys ending. i hate billie too. billie left her toy. does that mean theyll reap god and hell die like that and billie read it so she left the weapon to kill Chuck. i love Charlie. she was happy. eileen is gone. i thought maybe she and sam could be together. i love donna. i love garth. i love jody and the girls. i love bobby. Charlie bobby donna i thought they were safe, theyre gone now. i know how this will end cas will summon empty it will kill death and cas. i hope this wont happen but it will. cas will die. their story will end. cas is gone. and he didnt day goodbye to sam and jack. he saved dean. cas is gone.

s15 ep19(inherit the earth)

what is happening to jack? how can they beat God? how can they win? i hate Chuck. he killed miracle. Michael! adam is gone too. i didnt think we would see Michael again. and i didnt think i would be happy to see him but i am. there may be hope yet. maybe they can do something together. i cant deans reaction to lucifer was funny but i cant laugh. he thought cas was alive he thought he came bak and it wasnt cas he saw lucifer. i never thought we would see lucifer. i love lucifer when he is not serious or when he isnt trying to end the World. so he is good for now. i hate lucifer again. yes! Michael killed lucifer, i cant believe it. Michael betrayed them. i liked him. i cant trust anyone but team free will 2.0. i hate Chuck. i would take that ending, i would. they won but hey lost everything but they won and theyre together except cas. there is still one ep left. and evertones back. this is not the perfect ending because cas is not here but its a good ending. if only it was the end. because they are alive. they live. this felt right but why is there another episode. i hope we just see them grow old and live their lives but we wont. i know we wont. i just wish we could. i dont want to watch next ep. i know that ep broke everyone. i know how it ends. but why this should have been the ending. this felt right it wasnt complete but it felt right. this couldve been the ending why make us suffer more? of course i dont want it to end but if the story ending i would want it to be like this. this i want to say perfect but its not cas is gone but it was okay. im not ready to watch the next ep. but here we go one last ep. their story is ending here.

s15 ep20(carry on)

what happened to carry on? why didnt it play. i wanted just one thing i hope it at least plays in the end. im okay with just wathing them live their life without a big bad guy or something. why? why? why? it was always sam and dean, always. why end it like that? they were happy they were together they were both alive. i dont want to say it but dean is gone. sam is alone. bobby, hi! cas is alive?! that what they deserved as heaven. but dean shouldve had more time with sam. but im not going to complain they all can be together again. tahnks to jack and cas. yes this ending break me but it was beautiful. in the end they are happy and they are together forever. i just wish we couldve seen at least cas and jack.

this story was beautiful 2 brothers together with the help of their frinds and family they saved the World. and they got the ending they deserved it was meant to be like this dean would die and sam would live for everyone WHO died. spn writers i think they gave us a gift with jack, they made heaven a good place they made heaven what it was meant to be. and thanks to them and jack winchesters and everyone we cared about is happy. anyway im glad i witnessed their story for 15 seasons i laughed and cried with them. they mean so much to me all of them.

i dont want to say goodbye so this is a see you later because ill be seeing them. ill always remember them. i love all of them. i love dean sam cas jack bobby mary john kevin Charlie jody donna crowley rowena and the others WHO helped winchesters WHO loved winchesters.

im really happy im a part of this fandom. ill never leave here. im looking forward to see spn stuff. so

see you later

[sokkszn]

you know, he won’t

anton x fem!reader

warnings: (his name is mentioned once so you can very much imagine anyone else in his position) angst angst angsttttttt, mention of period, cussing, questioning his sexuality and damn its just angst guys. fluff if u squint and face away from ur screen👍(proofread but take it w a grain of salt its 5.20am rn)

your relationship with anton was complicated. it seems crazy to say that because you were dating him —have been for years. you knew you loved him, or else you wouldn’t have stayed all those years. it was just how he treats you.

he didn’t treat you badly, you dont think he was even capable of doing so, he was just… so, absent minded? inattentive rather. he just never paid attention. of course theres the cute things that he does like, buying you a fresh bouquet of flowers every weekend, or buying you snacks when you’re on your period. but it was never your favourites, it was never fresh smelling hyacinth, the only flower you found yourself obsessing over, or your favourite bitter-tasting dark chocolate. you remember listing these early on into dating, thinking he would’ve atleast noted it down, but, nothing.

it was all trivial at the end of the day, you know he loves you… he just has an odd way of showing it, you guess. his love was never accommodated to you, he loved you the way he wanted to, there’s nothing wrong with that, you think, but you just wish you could be loved the way you wanted, you wish you could morph him into your perfect man. which sucks, because you knew he was good for you, you knew you loved him, you just wished he was better.

you tried to accept him for what he truly is —distant. but sometimes it hurts? not being able to receive what you want from this relationship knowing he receives what he wants. you know he loves you but why won’t he show it? properly.

you want to hold him in the night, you want to caress his hair to relieve his stress, you want to jump up and down excited with him, you want to love him, but you just, can’t. you can’t look at him without feeling resentment, without feeling like you’re the problem, and sometimes you are, you can admit that, but this.. this is different, its not a fight, its not a disagreement nor is it an argument. you just don’t feel loved, the way you want at least. this makes you feel selfish, but he’s the one being loved, not you. you know that he knows you feel like this, but he won’t do anything about it. you know he loves you, but he wont show it.

he makes you feel disgusting, like you’re unlovable —or rather unworthy of love. but you know he loves you.

it hurts, honestly, it really fucking hurts. you see how he acts with his friends, how he’s comfortable with initiating skinship with them, how he gets excited around them, how he remembers little things about them. honestly? sometimes you think he’s gay.

maybe this is all out of jealousy, but you’re his girlfriend, he just doesn’t fucking act like it.

for some reason, even though you know it’s not your fault, you cant help but feel guilty and tear up at these thoughts, he’s your boyfriend, you’re meant to love him wholeheartedly. and you did, but thats exactly the problem, you did.

maybe, you truly just loved him.

a/n: guys i’ve never been in a relationship i have no clue where this angst came from 👍 also im ngl the whole time writing this i felt like i was in that one sad video, daddy is the sweetest in the world, daddy wants me to be the best, i love my daddy, but…. but he lies 😭😭😭 guys did i eat w the fic name yes or naurrrrrr 🫦

[decaydanceredacted]

that one fic you linked where pete holds the bartskull choker above bilvys head its actually like one of the most important fics in the world. to me. i heart pete wentz power dynamic with every decaydance pretty boy. to get signed to decaydance circa 2005-2006 you have to be willing to sacrifice your lyricist to the pw harem im sorry you cant escape it. thing is i think pete wentz WOULD just like sign these bands normally if he had to. he already has patrick he doesnt really need all of these boys as well . but theyre all just aching for it and he knows. peter pan but all the lost boys are just subby sad musicians. and they all just get on their knees as soon as he asks so its not like its really his fault for taking advantage of the opportunity.

but i am mostly just thinking abt bill and ryan rn . his two doe eyed boys… and with how tai took panic on their first international tour (iirc) i can just imagine in my head pw calling them to tell them how to get off together (theyre not allowed to cum if pete cant see or hear, obviously, because then whats the point?) theyre in panics bus, having Very Strongly suggested that everyone else leave them alone Oh And Also Dont Come Back In Till One Of Us Says. Yeah You Know Why. theyre already making out on the couch when pete calls, but they immediately stop touching once they answer, the need for instruction strong in both of them. pete immediately gets them back on each other, the wet sounds of their kissing starting to get him hard from across the ocean. they undress each other slowly at petes request, so he can hear each item of clothing individually. petes known bill for longer than hes known ryan, knows more of his buttons and how to press them, so this first time he makes ryan fuck bill. he makes a rule that the boys arent allowed to talk to each other when they do this, only ask pete what to do and how, so that they have to trust that pete knows what hes doing and how far they can go and its soooo worth it. he has to have his volume all the way up to be able to hear all the gasps and whimpers the boys let out as he directs them, but he doesnt mind. ryan quickly learns that bill loves having his hair pulled ('you can pull it real hard, ry, he likes it. thaaats right, good boy.') and his throat fucked ('dont worry about his voice, he needs this, hes even more desperate than you.') and bilvy learns that ryan needs pain any way it comes ('bite his thighs, bill. again, but harder. hear that? he loves it, such a slut.')

it feels like hours before ryans finally allowed to start stretching bill, bending him over the side of the couch. he's never really done this to anyone but himself before so he's constantly asking for more instructions, the phone resting by bills head. 'can i add another finger now, pete?' 'am i allowed to touch his dick while i do this, pete? please, i really want to, its so pretty.' 'does he need more lube?' 'can i fuck him yet? can he take it after only two?' bills quiet throughout, content in taking what hes given and not asking for more, but after a while he starts begging pete to let ryan fuck him too. 'please, pete, i really need it, please let him?? we'll be good, you know we will, pleeeease.' bingo, thats what pete was waiting for, he guesses, both of them begging and pleading like they need it more than theyve ever needed anything, because it doesn't take much more of that for him to finally, FINALLY give them permission. he tells bill that he has to be as loud as he can, because he needs to be able to hear his pretty boy over the sound of skin on skin, and he does as hes told. he probably scandalizes anyone within 10 feet of the bus with the sheer volume of his moans. its really hard for either of them to hear pete through the noise, but sometimes his voice will cut through it all, telling ryan to be rougher, to slap bills ass when hes quieting down too much, telling bill when to clench around ryans dick and to keep tell him how it feels. at one point he makes an offhand comment about how pretty his pets sound breeding each other and that gets ryan closer to the edge than he has been the entire afternoon, which is new to everyone. hes immediately asking pete if he can make bill cum and feels himself swell with pride when pete tells him what a good boy he is, wanting bilvy to get off first, such a gentleman. of course he can, theyve been so good. he jerks bill off fast and rough, like hes told, and bill cums all over his hand as soon as pete says he can. pete tells ryan to get bill to clean it up for him, and groans loudly when he hears the sound of bill sucking and moaning around ryans fingers as he does. ryan asks if he should pull out, but pete tells him no, 'bill can take it, look at him ry, he can take it, you can keep fucking him till youre done. cum whenever you want, ryan, you dont have to ask if you dont want, youve been so good.' he does ask, though, needs to be sure its okay, needs to know hes not breaking any secret rule he doesnt know about yet, and that alone nearly makes pete cream his jeans, but this isnt really about him no matter what he makes them believe, so he manages to hold off. pete tells him to cum as deep in bill as hes able, to make sure it takes of course, and ryan lets out the most pathetic noise hes ever made in his life as he does so.

i havent considered the logistics of how aftercare would work with pete involved but i dont think he would have either so bill and ryan would try figure it out on their own. theyre allowed to talk to eachother again, pete says so, but they dont, neither of them really having it in them. ryan helps bill get dressed and helps him brush any knots out of his hair and bill makes sure ryan has something cold for the marks on his neck and thighs before helping him to his bunk. pete repeats through the phone line that they both did so good, tells them how perfect they are and how much he cares about them, but eventually they hang up so they can try to sleep. theyre truly too lanky to cuddle up together in it, so bill steals the bunk above ryans (which he needs help getting into with how weak his legs are) and dangles his hand off the edge for ryan to hold while they both drift off. pete informs the others with a text that the bus is safe again, and when they wake up theyre in a different city. heart emoji blushing emoji. - sweat anon

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