#me: a tragedy about not being able to say goodbye got it

[glitchedmagic]

@theminecraftbee ‘s ficlets about Decked Out eating Tango have been living in my head rent free so here’s a little post-do thing of my own.

-

“The server resets tonight.”

It’s been just over two months since Decked Out finished. Just over two months since anyone has seen or heard from Tango.

Zed knows what happened. Not the details. And he certainly couldn’t explain it to anyone else. But he knows.

And the gnawing feeling of guilt has kept him coming back to the dungeon. Every day.

Decked Out is asleep. Zed can walk through the citadel without a desperate need to throw himself to the ravengers. He can even wander below, into the redstone, without being electrocuted to death. Maybe it’s dead, but Zed doubts it. He knows it’s just sleeping. Eventually, it will wake up. It will be hungry and will lure whoever enters this world into its depths.

Maybe that’s when Tango will wake up too.

Zed won’t be here to see it.

“Who knows when you’ll be able to eat again?”

His voice is quiet but he knows the whole dungeon can hear him. He plays with the clasp on his gas mask. Tango’s storage room, where he lays on the dusty floor, has enough oxygen flowing through it still to allow him to breathe without the mask, though he’s already getting a bit of a headache. He’ll put the mask back on soon. Eventually.

“One last snack?”

He’s offered the dungeon himself hundreds of times these past few months. As a player, when it was live, hoping to spark a bit of his friend’s life back into him. Then after. Hoping for something. For a glimpse of flickering blue flame and wide eyes that had long since given up pretending to see.

There’s quiet.

There’s so much guilt in the quiet.

Don’t worry, Zed. Just a few months. Not too big of a project.

All good here. With level one done, the rest will go a lot quicker.

Yeah, level three got away from me a bit. Level four will be smaller, don’t worry.

Audio needed to be reworked, you know how it is. Soon.

Just tired, lost track of time last night.

Not too much longer now.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal when the game’s done. Promise.

Did Tango know he was lying?

Zed is well aware that what he’s doing isn’t good for him. It’s ironic, how Tango pulled away from everyone, to eventually disappear in this cave. And now Zed’s doing the same thing.

It was always Tango pulling Zed out. Into the sun for a stupid game or a ridiculous project.  So it makes sense that without him, Zed can’t bring himself to leave the hole.

“I could break more redstone.” Zed offers the dungeon. “Really get you mad.”

He’d done that. About two weeks after Decked Out went dormant. He hadn’t gotten a reaction at the time. But the next day, everything was repaired.

That had spurred Zed into doing a stakeout. Break some stuff, sit and wait until the dungeon brought Tango out to fix it.

Zed had died down in the redstone, waiting. It hadn’t been a pleasant death.

That’s when Impulse had stepped in, staging his own intervention. But all it had done is make Zed feel more guilty.

An intervention for the guy who failed to do an intervention when Tango needed it most.

See? Ironic.

His head is starting to pound. He puts his mask back on.

“I want my friend back, you stupid castle,” He says through the mask. The dungeon understands him anyways.

He won’t be getting Tango back. He’s known that for much longer than he can admit.

Time passes. His phone dings a few times. It’s just the others. Making preparations. The server resets in just a few hours.

“Was it worth it?” Zed asks. “Not you, dumb dungeon. I’m asking Tango. Was it worth it? Did you make this choice? Did you know the consequences?”

Silence.

“Did you ever consider saying goodbye?”

The thing is? Tango was saying goodbye. In the only way he could. It was in the heartfelt artifacts crafted for each hermit. It was in his own voice, echoing words throughout the dungeon long after his own voice left him. It was in every ounce of the game.

None of them saw it until it was too late.

Zed stands. He has to be at spawn soon. He has stuff to pack. He has his own hole in the ground to say goodbye to.

He takes the long way out. Up into the main room of the citadel.

There’s a small part of him that hopes to see a glint of Tango. That’s what’s supposed to happen, right? A little wisp of blue fire. A soft voice. A gust of wind blowing a loose piece of paper across the floor. Something he can look at and be comforted by.

Nothing happens.

Zed knows that Tango’s gone.

He stands at the door. It’s open just a crack, just like he left it.

The night is clear.

“Goodbye, Tango.”

[ririblogsss]

what if Danny give no fu-ks

Ok hear me out, Dannys obsession has never truest been confirmed by the show itself (that I remember) I've seen a lot of people say his obsession comes from wanting to help / protect people. But what if he feels as though that he is now doing more damage than good, after all there are a lot of people getting hurt as colateral damage from the chases he has to go on. Or simply when he has to run away from getting captured.

What if one night he was up late and saw a post about a tragedy that happened because he slipped up (it wasn't even his fault, but he still blames himself for everything). And then he starts looking at all the bad comments against him ignoring all the good ones saying how much Danny Phantom has helped Amity. Because Danny is still human and confirmation bias is real. Imagine how he felt the moment he realized that he was causing people to get hurt instead of keeping them save.

Image the desperation clawing at him with the realization that he has never been able to fully manage his obsession. it makes him sad, desperate, angry.

His entire self is filled with too many emotions at the sametime he isn't even able to identify them and catalogue them properly like Jazz taught him.

and then everything stops and he feels nothing.

Completely and utterly numb.

Like his whole reason to keep going suddenly disappears.

And it has.

He gave up on his obsession and now he has to make / get a new one.

But it's not that easy.

This drastic change could've ended any ghost as they run on (live off) emotions.

Luckily because he's a Halfa, so that has given him the upper hand. Unfortunately it makes it so that he is completely devoid of any emotion.

Months go by and people immediately notice changes, the more drastic one is that Phantom went missing, and eventually a lot of ghost that where coming in looking for him stop. Amity Park is no longer populated by ghosts, and slowly the GIW started to retreat from Amity going to another place following a lead that says there are more ghost activities up north.

But those changes aren't the only ones noticeable. Dannys classmates and teachers can vouch that Danny has changed. Most say he was always quite , and others say he looked down right depressed. Danny didn't do much in classes not that he paid attention before. Its just this time it seems that its not out of being sleepy or anxious about another ghost attacking the school instead Danny looks like he coundn't give less of a fu-k about anything.

He never smiles anymore not even when his favorite subjects (mechanics and space) are brought up. Not even a quirk of a smile. The school decided to contact his parents about Dannys new behaviors. That includes skipping classes, not handing in work, not doing the assigned work in class ect....

And its not like his parents havent noticed, they've had more time in their hands since they aren't using hours of the day/night going out hunting anymore. and they have witnessed their son become a shell of himself. They don't know what to do, and they don't want to worry Jazz about it because she's at collage and needs to focus on her studies.

So when the school contact them and told them that the behavior is the same in school they decided major changes needed to happen. Starting with a change of environment.

Maddie and Jack decided that Amity park was too big of a city with too many people. They could nearly see the stars at night because of the light pollution, hence they decided to move next door to Alicia, Maddie sister, home in SmallVille.

They decided it was the best choice, Danny would be surrounded by nature and he could do online classes that would go the pace he wanted. The move was immediate, the day off they packed everything sold the house and moved.

They only stopped to say goodbye to Danny's friends. A small bye and hug later they were on a 7 hour road trip to their new home.

When they got there the old resident handed them the keys of the home and told them to ignore the their neighbors 'The Kents' as they often made a lot of noice and had group gatherings every month.

The one thing Jack and Maddie forgot to double check was if the house was an actual house or a farm house. Sounds similar, but completely different as they now had 2 cows, 16 chickens, 1 rooster, and 3 pigs to take care off.

Danny was put on duty of taking care of the animals, such as feeding them on time and making sure they were healthy. Jack and Maddie made more of the heavy weight as to re building broken fences and fixing the questionable roof.

(The first thing Danny did when meeting all the animals was name them. After all this was about all the interaction he was going to do.)

Danny didn't have time to think about his lost obsession or his lack of emotions as he was now too busy making sure each animal was taken care off.

Marcy and linda (the cows) were danny's favorite they were very gentle and he felt that they could understand him when he spoke to them the stories of his vigilante past.

On the other hand The Chickens were a nightmare, Glinda was cool as she never chased him down. But Matilda and Bethany were a nightmarish duo spiteful too when he was seconds late to the finding time. Mark the rooster was chill he mainly acted as of he was part of the group that needed protection.

Marice, Betty, and Miss Piggy were the chillest of the bunch never gave Danny any trouble when feeding them and always made a point that they loved their new mudbath installation that Danny made for them on his first 2 days on the farm.

A month after arriving at the farm house Danny noticed that mark was missing. Danny looked everywhere around the property and saw him from afar, at the road. So Danny did the sensible thing anyone would do when spotting a run away pet, and that is call their name at the top of your lungs whilst running after them.

naturally Mark the escape artist run the opposite direction. By the time Danny caught up to him Danny didn't recognize the house he was infant off. So with Mark comfortably in his arms He swears he can see a smug look on marks face. Danny turned away from the house to start his walk back to the farm, but he was met with a kid his age looking at him with distrust.

"Ehhh look kid Im sorry to have crossed the properties border but Mark here" Danny made a point to acentuate Mark in his arms "Runaway from me this morning and I've been trying to catch him ever since, anyways I need to go feed the girls"

The kid starred at him for a second "OMG your from the new family in Mr.duncans farm right? in Aver ST.?" and wow the kid was like a ray of sunshine.

"Yea-" Danny could even finish his sentence before the kid cut him off by starting to talk a mile a minute about how he was so exited to meet people his age that lived near by and how farm chores were harder that normal house chores.

"Jon, give him time to respond. Im Damian this is Jon" Danny jumped he hadn't noticed the second kid at all

"Oh yeah... sorry about that what's your name?" The kid (Jon) slightly less enthusiasm, a bit embarrassed if his tone of voice was anything to get by.

"Danny, Im 15" he responded before he started walking away after all he did need to get in time to feed the chickens unless he wants to suffer their furry. Danny shuddered at the memory that popped up in his head.

"Wait!!! I just thought we could be friends cause we live close by u know" Jon said catching up with Dannys steps. Damian was following from behind.

"Sure kid I don't care" Dannys voice was monotone much like it had been for months.

"Hey were not kids for your information, Im 14 and Damians 16 soon to be 17, so if anything you night be the actual kid!" Danny chuckled slightly it was more similar to releasing air from his lips than a laugh.

Soon a quite and enjoyable science encompassed the group as they went to Dannys home.

"Hmm... you're hold on Mark is adequate and the your determination for getting home in time for feeding is acceptable" Damian spoke up after a while of the passive silence.

"yeah and what is It to you" Danny was slightly urked by Damians default setting speach. He told him as such.

Jon blanched before erupting into giggles that sent him to lay down on the grass uncontrollably laughing. Damians right eyebrow quirked up in what Danny assumed was amusement.

Thus a new friendship grew that day.

They often gathered at Dannys or Jons yard to have picnic in the weekends (as Damian and Jon has school in Metropolis on week days) and hangout with the animals. Danny found out that Damian was a vegetarian and that he had various animals at home. One time he brought his Great Dane Titus, who bodied Danny on sight to give him kisses.

Also Damian was Damian Wayne as in bruce Wayne, Batman sugar daddy. When he said that, Jons milk flew out of his nose and Damian choked on his cucumber wrap. Even Titus gave him a judgemental stare.

Slowly Danny started to smile more, laugh every so often. And things were feeling so much better after not being able to feel anything for a while.

Jazz, Aunt Alicia and especially Maddie and Jack felt so relived to see that Danny was slowly coming back to them.

Danny to this day backs the fact that Mark knew something and planned the whole thing.

[sdr2lovemail]

Could you write something about Sun and Moon being irritated/jealous that they can't kiss the reader (the maintenance worker one) with their mouths like a human can so the reader shows them about all the other ways to kiss? Like kissing Sun's hand up his arm to his cheek until he is giggling so loudly Vanessa thinks he's gone off his rocker, or gently kissing Moon's forehead all the way down to where his heart would be? Even better if the maintenance reader leaves behind little lipstick marks on their face for Monty and the gang to laugh about :D

Inspired by that one tumblr post about a guy walking out with a few lipstick kiss marks and then saying "you should see what they did to the other guy" in a stereotypical mobster voice before said other guy drunkenly walks out absolutely covered in lipstick marks, sfw of course I want Fluff I want Affection I want Lovey Dovey-ness if you think you could swing it, just the softest silliest thing you can write, and keep up the good work anywho :')

I have no mouth, and I must kiss. (GN Reader but they do wear lipstick) Synopsis: After a play full of heartbreak and tragedy, Sun realizes that he'll never be able to kiss you. You remedy the situation.

Notes: It's been almost 2 years since I've written a fnaf fic, I feel rusty. Help wanted 2 got me calling my old mans' numbers. That's a joke they never left my phone. Anon if you're still out there, I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labors.

Requests are open!

Children are very persuasive. While you originally came to the daycare to fix a broken screen, you’ve ended up in a play. Decked out with a foam sword, you act as the story’s brave knight. Once you’ve slain the dragon, a kid wearing a Monty hood, your princess awaits.

“My dear knight! You saved me from the evil dragon!” Sun swoons. Instead of his waist frills, he’s worn a bright yellow skirt. Dangling from a few of his rays was a princess cap. The bells on his wrist jingle as he clasps his hands. “Is there any way I can repay you?”

You press a hand against your heart and bow your head. “There is no need, Princess. Protecting you is my sworn duty.” You’d say your acting wasn’t half bad for an underpaid maintenance worker.

“The princess has to kiss the knight!” A kid called from the audience.

Sun felt rigid like his joints were locking up. He hoped you couldn’t hear his fans kicking on as his body temperature rose. He would love to kiss you but wanted the moment to be perfect. “N-now friend, we don-”

“Mr. Sun can’t kiss them! He doesn’t have a mouth!” Another kid argued. Something about what they said made Sun feel weird.

“Yes, he does! It just can’t open.” 

Sun lets out a huff, turning to you. “They’re getting cranky. It must be snack time. I’ll pass them out quickly. That way, we can spend time together!” He bounced on the balls of his feet, eager for you to stick around.

Your fazwatch pings with an alert: a S.T.A.F.F. bot got stuck in Monty Golf. “Oh, sorry, Sun. I have another job to do. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Sun would be frowning if his faceplate could move. He quickly perks up and sets his hands on your shoulders. “Right! Right, right, right, you have a job. Responsibilities! I’ll- I’ll see you at closing. Buh-bye, friend!” The jester waves you goodbye before sighing, hurrying to pass out snacks before someone throws a tantrum.

The rest of your day goes as smoothly as working as the Pizza Plex could be. It was after closing time, and you were doing your final tasks. The glamrocks were in their rooms, the S.T.A.F.F bots were on their set paths, and nothing on the floor needed fixing. The last place you needed to check on was the daycare. 

Walking through the big wooden doors, Sun is nowhere to be seen. You call his name, followed by Moon’s, but still nothing. Shrugging it off, you make your rounds, checking everything is in place. During the sweep, you could hear muffled words from a storage closet.

“Do you think they’ve kissed anyone, Moon? We can’t do that…” That was the unmistakable voice of Sun. “I wonder what it would be like. Hmph, even the glamrocks can move their mouths…” He grumbles.

When you open the door, Sun jumps like he’s been shocked. He scrambled to stand up. “Ah! Oh, hi! You’re here early!”

“It’s almost eleven. I’ve been here for almost thirty minutes.” You say, checking your watch. “What were you talking about?”

“Would you believe me if I said nothing?” The daycare attendant tilts his head, his faceplate spinning a bit.

“No, I would not.”

Sun sighs as he sits back on the closet floor, his legs crisscrossed and his hands holding his face. Taking a seat next to him, you ask him what’s wrong.

“I was just thinking about some stuff after our play. Moon and I can’t kiss you!” He flops over dramatically as if he’d heard tragic news. “Our face is stuck in this stupid smile!” He tugs on one of his rays, angry at his lack of facial mobility.

“Hey, I don’t mind that you guys can’t kiss me. There’s more to a relationship than that. Besides, there are other ways to kiss.”

This breaks him out of his kissless stupor. “There are? Tell me, tell me!” Sun practically shakes where he sits. “Better yet, show me!” He opens his arms wide, inviting you to do as you please.

Taking one of his large hands in your own, you place a kiss on the back of his hand, leaving a lipstick mark on the shiny plastic. While he didn’t have pupils, you could feel Sun’s eyes burning into you. He didn’t want to miss a single second!

The touch sensors in his arms and hands weren’t that sensitive. Kids sure did like to scratch, kick, and bite. But even so, he could still feel your lips pressing fluttering kisses to his casing. Laughter bubbled up in his voice box. 

Kiss after kiss lined Sun’s arm. Even if it left stains, this is one mess he could let slide. You took his other arm in your hands, mimicking your previous affections. Kissing back up his arms, you reach his faceplate. Sun’s giggling gets louder as your lips kiss the hard surface of his cheeks.

“Hey, your shift’s almost over. Get ready to clock out.” Vanessa’s voice rings from your watch. 

When you pull away to answer, Sun tries to follow your lips. “Alright, I’ll be at the office in a moment.” Sun lets out another round of laughter.

“Oh, you’re with him… Your pay gets docked when you stay overtime, you know. Make sure to leave before the shutters close.” With that last sentence, Vanessa cuts off her line.

With excited, shaking hands, Sun brings your face closer to his. “Keep kissing me! Please, please, please!” His begging is cut short as he listens to Moon say something. “Awww, but I’m not done!” Sun still gets up to turn the lights off, moping the whole way there.

Bright red optics suddenly appear in front of your eyes. The lights glow against your skin. Moon clicks a flashlight on, making his faceplate look more menacing than he probably intended. “You weren’t thinking about leaving, were you? Not when you haven’t given me the same attention Sun got, right?” 

“Oh, of course not, Moon!” Cupping his face in your hands, you leave a kiss mark on his forehead.

You bring your trail of kisses down to his nose, trailing along the curve, up to the corner of his eye. Moon lets out that raspy laugh of his. He tugs you closer, craving the warmth of your skin against the cold of his plastic.

He watched as you kissed down his face and neared his chest. “Sun was whining all day, worrying over us not being able to kiss you.” Moon snickered. “He was fretting over nothing, as usual. But I must admit, he’s right about some things.” 

His ‘breath’ hitched as he watched you kiss right where his heart would be. The fans in his chest cavity kicked into overdrive as they tried to cool his circuits, trying their best not to overheat. “Kissing you would be a dream.” 

Letting out a laugh of your own, you press another soft kiss on Moon’s chest. “I guess I’ll have to do the kissing for all three of us.” Punctuating your sappy sentence, you kiss their sculpted-on smile. An audible puff of air leaves the daycare attendant’s chassis.

 “Attention Pizza Plex Guests and Staff. The Pizza Plex’s doors will close in ten minutes.” An automated voice rang over the building’s speakers.

More alert than before, you get up from the closet door. “I gotta go!” You were not trying to spend the night here. “Bye, Moon. Bye, Sun. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to wash that lipstick off!”

They weren’t really listening, absolutely high on kisses. For a few hours, they simply rest in the daycare’s storage closet, gushing to each other about you. Well, more Sun than Moon.

Once it was time for Moon to do his rounds around the Pizza Plex, he’d forgotten about the lipstick covering his exoskeleton. It wasn’t until Monty knocked on the glass of his room.

“You having a good night, Moon?” It was like the smirk in Monty’s voice was audible from his voicebox. “Seems like you had a lot of fun.”

Seeing his reflection in the glass, Moon lets out a growl. How could he forget to wash off all this lipstick? “Not a word of this to anyone.” Moon scratched his fingers down the window, leaving marks behind. He turns tail to head back to the daycare and wash the stains off of himself.

Unknowing to the lunar animatronic, Monty had already sent a message to all the other bots.

[arcadiabaytornado]

To be honest with you, Rachel’s death continues to haunt me after all of these years. It may sound silly since she’s a video game character, but she was one of my favorite life is strange characters next to Max, Dana, and Kate. It could be due to the matter of her murder, as well as her being so young, and not being able to achieve her goals of leaving Arcadia Bay.

Am I crazy for feeling this way?

No, you're right, because EVERYTHING about Rachel's death is tragic.

A: She never got to escape Arcadia Bay. All she wanted was a chance to escape her small town and make it LA, but she never got there.

B: She was so ambitious. She wanted to do so much with her life and she was so confident she could do it all. The fact that she never even had a chance is devastating.

C: She was only eighteen. I'm 20 years old and I've changed so much from who I was two years ago, the person I was at eighteen doesn't exist anymore. Rachel never had this chance to look back at who she was at eighteen and only find a ghost looking back.

D: She was photographed by her teacher who groomed her, and then was murdered using drugs from a man who has been implied to be interested in her when she was fifteen and he was in his thirties. She couldn't escape being victimized by these men even in her death.

More Undercut

E: IF (and that's a big if) we believe what Mark tells Max, then Rachel was never even meant to die in the dark room. Nathan overdosed her on accident. She could have lived.

F: She never got to say goodbye to Chloe. Or Steph. Or Mikey. Or anyone who cared about her.

G: She likely didn't find peace in death, because it's implied that she comes back as a ghost deer. And while she does fade away once her body is found, she was still not at rest for six months.

H: The girl who loved the spot light was thrown away like trash and no one could find her for six months. The curtains were called and she didn't get that final bow.

So you consider all of that and her death is one of the most tragic in fiction. I don't even know how they could make Rachel's death worse because every aspect of what happened to her just seeps with tragedy.

[good-omens-classic]

I just watched all 6 episodes of season 2 in a row and I am having a very hard verbalizing the way I'm feeling.

I am speechless, and not in a good way.

For five and a half episodes, I was on board. I didn't expect to like this, but despite myself I found myself laughing and getting emotional and getting invested in the story, in a way I haven't been since first reading Good Omens and falling in love with it all those years ago. Nearly a decade ago at this point. I had problems with season 1 and the way the fandom changed, but that felt mostly natural and just like differences of opinion and interpretation.

The ending of season 2 feels actively malicious. Especially coming from someone who couldn't stop touting over and over on Twitter about what a nice queer love story this is.

Everything wasn't perfect--but it was...nice. It was something. It was engaging and I was starting to feel excited again, not like I'm going to start writing fanfiction again excited but at the very least I'm thinking, I can enjoy watching people enjoy this from the sidelines.

And then the second half of the last episode came. And Aziraphale wants to go back to Heaven to lead the angels. Not only is that a completely nonsensical thing for Metatron to invite him to do, but Aziraphale's entire character is that he's happy on Earth. He's happy on Earth with Crowley. OF COURSE CROWLEY REFUSED TO GO BACK TO HEAVEN. The entire fucking point is they belong ON EARTH, together, with the humans. Our own side, their own side, the humans' being neither good nor evil but full of potential and power and them learning they can be that way too.

That's the point. That's always been the point. NEIL GAIMAN KNOWS THAT'S THE POINT. Aziraphale was clearly very unhappy with this decision, and hesitant. The show made it VERY clear he was unhappy and unsure after Crowley gave him a reminder of what they were supposed to be about...and he just went anyway.

And he did this right as Crowley declares his love and FUCKING KISSES HIM. In this, supposedly the cutest best queer love story. Nobody can even say "Well they just don't have that kind of relationship, they don't need to say I love you or kiss or hold hands" anymore because THEY LITERALLY DID KISS. And then IMMEDIATELY said goodbye to each other.

Tragedy is not just about making the audience unhappy. Tragedy is making the audience ache because of something sad and unavoidable, of knowing the characters could be happy in a better world. Good omens has always been about building that world, to me. I thought maybe they were going to go in that direction, with Aziraphale and Crowley building a non-apocalypse, at peace world on Earth together, with Aziraphale's newfound authority to teach all the angels and demons the benefits of humanity. That is, in my mind, the culmination of the themes of the original story, and the one I thought season 1 mostly got right except for some stumbling blocks. But this... This feels like a slap in the face.

The tragedy here is not that Aziraphale and Crowley can't be together, but that the writers....that Neil Gaiman threw away everything in the original story, everything from season 1, Hell, everything from earlier in season 2, about Aziraphale's character development and the most important themes of the story. And for what? Who finds this ending narratively satisfying, let alone is happy with it?

I was enjoying this. Maybe it was just because so much time has passed since season 1 that I've been able to more effectively separate the versions and think of them as different stories, and just enjoy them for what they are separately, or maybe it's because there was no other version of this story for me to silently constantly compare it to, but I was enjoying this...a lot more than I enjoyed season 1. I thought it was cute, I thought Gabriel and Beelzebub deciding to basically do WHAT CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE SHOULD HAVE DONE and make a "third side" was a great extension of the themes of the story, and all the Aziraphale and Crowley flashbacks set it up so perfectly for Aziraphale to realize at the end: The problem IS systemic, and Heaven isn't the "good guys." and Aziraphale clearly realizes this! And yet he doesn't act on it. If the last half an hour had just been Aziraphale going "I don't want to lead Heaven actually, I belong here on Earth if you want to come to me on how to run things the Earth way," and then he skips off holding Crowley's hand. To me that would be not only the happiest AND most narratively neat, wrapped up conclusion for season 2, but also THE ENTIRE FUCKING POINT OF THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE. and ALL the character development s2 had been setting up in the first five fucking episodes.

It just all got thrown in the garbage.

I'm tired. This could have been such a good, good story, and I was prepared to be disappointed, but nothing could have prepared me for this. When the clip of Aziraphale and Crowley kissing got leaked, I was bracing myself for it to be some sort of like....joke, or dream sequence that didn't actually happen. I was not prepared for THIS.

Someone please convince me it wasn't this bad. Someone please spin it in a way I hadn't thought of before that makes it make sense. Someone please disagree with me and explain why.

[chimcess]

Birdie Shoppe || pjm (XI)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Werewolf!Jimin, Witch!Reader, Shifter!Reader, Shifter!Jimin, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha!Jimin Genre: Supernatural!AU, Werewolf!AU, Angst, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Smut, Word Count: 12.1k+ Synopsis: Within the four realms of Lustra lay the Bangtan forest home to the Foxglove pack of the north and known as the “land of magic.” It is also home to the Birdie, a powerful witch from a cursed bloodline who is one of the sacred guardians of the forest. Y/N is the 123rd Birdie, a young girl who was given her position too early and asked by the goddess herself to fulfil a task none had ever done before- become the Grand Witch of the Foxglove pack. Now a woman, Y/N is revered as the most loved and powerful Birdie of all time, but hiding under the surface is a woman who has to battle between her duty and her heart. Warnings: Long-hair Jimin (yes, this is a warning), Strong language, Violence, Mentions of blood, Descriptions of blood, Descriptions of death, Blindness, Talks of abuse, ANGST, PTSD symptoms, Sexism, Misogyny, War talks, Talks of possible death A/N: We’re officially at the beginning of the next act. I have many, many plans for this universe of mine and I’m so happy to share this world with you.

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Opening my eyes, I could feel just how tired my arms were. Every inch of my body was heavy and weighed down by some invisible force. Looking around me, I knew that I was in some sort of medical setting. Surrounded by bodies, I closed my eyes once more and breathed a sigh of relief. 

I was alive. I was free. I made it.

Moans of pain filled the room, but I could not figure out where they were coming from. Everyone else was either quiet or talking in hushed whispers with their loved ones. I opened my eyes again. 

Forcing myself up, I groaned in agony as I did so. My head still had some dull aches. My bones cracked and popped with each movement I made. Glancing around me, I was alone. I could only hope it was due to others being too busy to stay holed up in the medical unit with me and not because far more serious tragedies had been met.

Twisting and turning, I slowly stretched and relaxed the tense muscles in my body. The headache lingered, but it became more bearable as the time went by. The woman beside me woke up a few minutes later. Most of her body was scarred from burns. She had been caught in a fire when she was evacuating her children from the village. 

I had been out for two days. The elves had not come back since their failed attempt at a siege. According to the woman, they had gone to Northorn. It sparked something in my mind, but I could not figure out what.

Testing the waters, I tried to stand and was successful. I was happy with how quickly my body recovered from the drain. It would have taken much longer before. I guessed it had something to do with the power that had been taken from me. I was able to regain it much better now. Looking down at the woman, I frowned.

“Would you like for me to heal you?” I asked.

She shook her head, “It’s a sign of honor to have lived. I will wear them with pride.”

My own scars came to mind, and my frown deepened. I had never thought of them that way. My thoughts then shifted to Shiloh and it almost brought me to my knees. I never got the chance to say goodbye. Pushing my tears away, I told myself that I would give myself time to grieve later.

“Have you seen Alpha Jimin?” I asked her, willing my voice to stay calm.

She smiled at me, the side of her face that was burned far too tight and red to lift with the other. She had a beautiful smile once, and I felt rage like I never had before. I wished I could rip apart the elf that had made this happen to her. 

“He’s here most of the time,” She replied. “The Alpha called upon him this morning for an important meeting. He should be back soon.”

I nodded and made up my mind to go and look for others in the ward. I asked her about Thelma and Yoongi, but she paid little mind to the witches. They had been gone by the time she had come to. Settling on finding my friends first, I began the treacherous task of walking through the bodies.

Many were badly injured, missing limbs, or burned beyond recognition. Some children had gone blind from spells, others were paralyzed and being worked on constantly by the quietus in order to reverse it, and some were so badly injured they were only receiving pain relief until they died. It became too hard to look at and so I stopped. Staring straight ahead, I forced myself from looking down at the cots littered around me.

“I’m happy you’re awake,” Said a voice from behind me.

I turned with great care and found Cadoc standing there.

The shadow surrounding him was gone now, and replaced by gentle white smoke that danced. It was shocking just how different he looked when he was fighting. Now, his skin had life and flushed in the sun, the pale color less like marble, and his eyes were a normal blue color. His hair was still midnight and hung just at his shoulders. It danced in the breeze that surrounded him. He smiled at me.

“Cadoc,” I greeted him, unable to return his enthusiasm. “I’m happy to see you.”

He approached me cautiously and began to look over my body. His hands felt like a gentle breeze in the fall, his fingers as soft as leaves, and I could hardly feel any pressure as he methodically went over me. I was appreciative of the caution, and I belatedly realized that I was unaware of what they thought was best. Maybe I was not free to leave after all.

“You seem fine,” He said, his strange echoing voice all the same. “I would refrain from any and all magic use unless necessary.”

I nodded obediently.

“Thank you again,” I managed a small grin. “I appreciate you coming to my aid in the field.”

He nodded at me, “You saved my life. I thought it was only fair.”

Nodding, I turned away.

“Before you leave,” He called out. I turned back around. “Sam would like to see you. I think she’s quite fond of you.”

This time, I smiled.

“After I see my loved ones, I’ll be sure to make some time for her.”

Cadoc chuckled, “Goodluck. My sister is not known for her patience. My condolences to your family over the loss.”

I nodded, looking at the grass under my feet. Cordelia… Oh, Wendy would be completely beside herself. I knew I needed to get to them quickly. We should be together right now.

“Was it only Cordelia?” I asked, sniffling.

“She was the only one who died,” He replied. “Your friend is still blind, one was badly injured and still asleep, and another was burned on her leg.”

“Who’s here?” I demanded, looking back up.

I wanted to see them before I left.

“His name is Taejin, I think.”

My eyes closed on their own. I needed to get to Seokjin and make sure he was alright. His mother had to be in hysterics by now. Torn between seeing Taejin and going to comfort his family, my body moved on its own to go back into the tent. A hand on my arm stopped me.

Cadoc was pressed very closely against my body, his strange figure formed around my own, and I had to suppress a shiver. He was ice cold. I felt his lips brush against my ear as he whispered, his body far too close to mine. Within a second, he completely vanished from sight.

“They’re here.”

I turned my head towards his mouth, waiting for him to say more.

He elaborated, “I’m not sure who it is, but there’s someone in this village working with the elves.”

“How do you know that?” My voice was hardly audible, lips unmoving.

“I’ll explain later.”

I nodded. We were not in the best place for this conversation. Pulling away from his embrace, I pulled a face to make my pause look less suspicious. It was not difficult to look heartbroken when all I saw was devastation. What felt like fingers grazed my cheek.

“Meet me in your meadow tonight,” He urged.

I nodded my head once and hoped he understood what it meant. Seemingly satisfied with my answer, the cold chill that surrounded me was gone. Pushing the conversation to the back of my mind, I started walking once more. Whatever the quietus was talking about would have to wait until I was finished with my loved ones. 

I found Taejin a few minutes later after asking anyone who was well enough to guide me to his place. He was still asleep, a large gash on his face that was red and raised, but I was happy that his breathing was normal. I was sure he would wake up and be alright, but the scars from that night would haunt all of us forever. Cordelia’s face came to me again and I shivered. I could only hope that would be our only fall- it was the only one the witches could handle. I looked at him for a few minutes more before turning to leave the medical tent. I had a family who needed me right now and I would have to trust that the team here would be enough for Taejin. 

Stepping into the daylight, I was shocked by the desolation. Everything had been destroyed. Not a single building had been left in-tact and I knew many of the villagers would be unable to fix their homes. They were far too injured. Choking back a sob, I reminded myself of what I needed to do. I could fall apart later, right now my family needs me to be strong. 

Eyes followed me with rapt attention as I passed a small group of villagers. I recognized none of them, but I assumed they knew who I was. I never was able to learn the names of the wolves in the village outside of the ones I had helped through the change. The women were older, rounder, and probably no longer shifted if I had to guess. Looking ahead, I pointedly ignored them. I had no time for local gossip.

“They’re in the Park house,” One of the women called out. Looking at the group once more, I straighten my back. None of them were unkind, in fact, I could only find grief in their eyes. I did not know who they lost, but I hoped they would be able to recover. “It’s the only house left down the main road to your right. Be careful, there’s a lot of debris.”

I nodded, “Thank you.”

“No,” Another woman cried, her eyes as red as her sunburnt face. “Thank you. Alpha Taehyung told us what you did.”

I smiled at the group sadly before walking away. The praise did not feel nice. It should have, but it did nothing to settle my unease. None of this should have happened. I should have said something. I cringed at that thought and stopped walking to pull myself together. Not here. Not now. Later.

The house was easy to find. Surrounded by ashes and uninhabitable houses, the Park home stood as a shining beacon of hope within it all. Of course, the little house was worse for wear. The entire yard had been scorched by the flames that surrounded it, most of the walls burnt and weak, and there was a hole where you could see straight through into the home. I could see Seokjin sitting at a table with Wendy in his lap. They were talking but I was still too far away to hear anything. 

Deciding to use the front door, I frowned at the burnt wood. The house must have been the last one to go up in flames. I knocked and waited. Inside, everything stilled and a singular set of steps echoed. I braced myself for an onslaught of hugs and kisses from everyone, the never ending tears, and having to keep myself in one piece. I was a rock in a river and I would do whatever I needed in order to calm everyone inside.

Callisto answered the door. Her eyes were heavy with bags underneath them and her chocolate hair clipped back messily. Despite her obvious exhaustion, her green eyes lit up as she took me in. Unexpectedly, she threw her arms around my neck and tried out in what sounded like relief.

“Oh, thank Goddess,” She cried, her voice thick with emotion. “My brother will be so happy to see you. Oh, we were so worried.”

Hesitantly, I hugged the young girl back. She was so small and underweight I felt uncomfortable holding her too tightly. I could imagine her bones were just as frail as she was. She was off of me as quickly as she scooped me into her arms, and took my hand in hers as if we had known one another for years. She made my presence known so cheerfully I felt embarrassed. No one had been this excited to see me in my entire life.

“Birdie,” It was Wendy, her eyes wild, who spotted me first. 

I ran to her immediately. The sea witch crumbled in my arms, sobs making her entire body shake as she held onto me for dear life. Her hair had been cut, the blonde strands ending at her shoulders instead of flowing down her back, and I could still feel how dirty they were. She was frail, every bit as shaken as I felt, and seemed frenzied in her attack. I did not know if I should tell her that I had been the one to find Cordelia or not. I thought of her face again, her green eyes with their thousand yard stare, and a flash of red broke through. Her hair had always been ostentatious, frizzled and going every which way with a curtain of bangs that hid a fair amount of her face. That night they were caked in dirt, the orange glowing red under the fire, and stuck to her skin like leather. I shivered and held Wendy tighter. I prayed she had never seen her mentor like that.

“She-she-” She gasped, her pain piercing my heart.

“I know,” I croaked, running my fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm her. “I know, Wendy Bird.”

Looking over her shoulder now, I was pleased to see the rest of the witches huddled around a small fireplace. All of them looked at us now aside from Yoongi. His eyes were unfocused still and I remembered Cadoc telling me he was still blinded. Whispering to Wendy, I slowly removed her vice grip around my neck so I could go to them all. Seokjin was standing beside us and took her from me easily. He patted my head with his large hand and held the broken woman close. She was falling apart right before my eyes and I would not be able to comfort her. I would surely fall apart, too.

I went to Hoji first. Her husband was ill in the medical tent and I was sure she was frazzled. Jin would be too busy mourning the loss of our friend to fuss over his father. Especially since we all knew it was a matter of time before he woke up. Cordelia would never wake up. She was so heavy. I shuddered at the thought.

Heji reached out to me from beside her sister and smiled sadly. They had always looked the same, their faces virtually indistinguishable, but this moment they were the same woman to me. They were haunted, their eyes dull and sorrowful, and there would be no one to keep the other in check. No sarcastic comments followed by a gentle chastising. Right now, they were one woman mourning a shared loss. 

Yoona was at her son’s side and pointed me in Thelma’s direction. Taking a look at Yoongi, he was hurt and sad, but I was not sure what else could be happening inside of his head. His eyes had always been so expressive. I nodded at her and went to the woman beside her. Hyun-Jin was missing from the group and she whispered that he was asleep.

“Thank you,” Thelma whispered fiercely, almost like she was afraid of talking any louder. “You kept him away from the brunt of it all.”

I nodded but said nothing. Thelma did not reach for me like the others. She was never one to rely on others, and I knew how devastated she was. Cordelia was a good friend of hers, one she had known for many years, and she was not there to help her. Thelma had a self-blaming streak. I would talk with her later but for now I was content with letting her feel however she wanted.

I thought of Shiloh again and sighed heavily. I was so angry with myself for not getting a proper goodbye. I missed her so dearly, so acutely, and I could feel the hole in my heart she left with her leaving. I would again have no closure. Unlike Aldara, however, Shiloh and I had fought together fiercely and made our peace in the forest. She was safe and back where she belonged. It gave me little comfort.

“Y/N?” Yoongi called out, raising a hesitant hand.

I was at his side quickly. He looked so much younger right now. I reached out and took his hand in my own.

“I’m here, Yoon.”

Reaching out his other hand, I took it with ease. Another oddity. Yoongi never offered physical affection like this before. Looking at his face I frowned. I guess he had no choice at the moment. I squeezed them comfortingly.

“Are you alright?” His mother asked, squeezing my shoulder. “We were worried but Cadoc said you’d be fine with rest.”

I nodded but spoke for Yoongi’s benefit.

“I’m fine,” I whispered. I understood Thelma’s hesitance to break the silence. It could bring more unknowns and that was a frightening idea. “Physically speaking. I don’t really know outside of that.”

Yoongi’s grip on my hands tightened.

“How are you feeling, Yoon?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “I’m scared.”

I inched closer to him. Our knees touched, both of us kneeling on the floor, and I took one of my hands back. I smoothed down his bed-head and caressed his cheek. He reminded me of the little boy from the meadow who cried when he saw bees. I felt the tears falling from my eyes and surrendered to my pain. I could cry, if only a little bit, right now. Yoongi would always catch my tears.

“Me too,” I admitted, voice so soft I was not sure if anyone heard me.

“Thelma told us about your visions,” I heard Hoji say. “We’re all sorry you had to deal with this alone.”

I shook my head, the force of my guilt rearing its ugly head.

“I saw nothing. I knew something bad was happening, but I was blind and stupid. I should have said something. I should have-”

“We are all responsible,” Thelma interrupted. “I take full responsibility for you keeping your mouth shut. It was my choice to do so because of my own certainty. I should have known better than to assume anything.”

“And we all knew you were lying about Aldara’s book,” Yoona chimed in. “All of us knew you were hiding something, Thelma. If we’re playing the blame game then you can charge us all.”

“But Cordelia,” I choked.

“It’s not your fault,” Wendy cried, her voice small and weak.

Turning to look at her, I knew I was doing a horrible job at keeping everything at bay. My heartache was too much and everything felt like it was closing in on me. I would have to tell Jimin that I lied to him. I’d have to tell him his village was in ruin because of me. I’d have to become a traitor now. Taehyung might as well throw me to the elves because of my mistakes. And yet, I knew they would not. Taehyung would be understanding, his comfort a warm blanket around me. Sol would be happy it led her mate back to her and so things would naturally become alright between us. Jimin adored me, but would he be able to look at me the same way?

“The elves were coming,” Hoji said, her voice frail and hoarse. “They would have attacked regardless of you telling these people anything. It wasn’t like any of you were on good terms. They probably would have attacked you the moment you stepped foot into this place. Lord knows those wolves would have had a fight on their hands.”

I tried to let the words sink in and ease my guilt. It never happened. Having had enough of this pity party, I took a deep breath and readied for my next plan. I had to see Jimin and he was with Taehyung at the palace.

“I’m going to check on the others,” My voice was stronger than I felt. “I came here straight away and I think Jimin will worry if he sees me missing.”

Thelma nodded, “Will you be back?”

“Later,” I assured her.

Callisto had made herself scarce. The human girl was nowhere in sight, but I shrugged it off. She may have known we would need some space. Saying my brief goodbyes, I went out of the front door. The brunette was out here and talking with a young man.

He was huge, towering over the tiny woman, his muscles massive and bulging. He was very tanned, skin reminding me of a bronze medal, that contrasted completely with his light hair. It was a strange mixture of colors ranging from a taupe brown, gentle great, and stark white. Cropped short and slicked back from his face, the man smiled down at Callisto and it stopped me dead in my tracks. His smile was wide, his teeth perfectly straight, and a small dimple appeared on his left cheek. The way his eyes smiled with him made me want to run as fast as I could toward the palace. I was looking at Jimin’s younger brother who looked everything and nothing like him.

Seeming to notice me, the wolf’s attention snapped to me straight away. Callisto, following his gaze, gave me a blinding smile. Outside, her eyes looked more blue than they had before and I belatedly realized they were a strange hazel. The man still seemed weary of me but did not immediately question why I was at his house.

“Birdie?” He called out, his voice deeper and rougher than Jimin’s. His eyes were also lighter, a strange greenish-brown. “What are you doing here?”

I guessed he had little reason to go to the medical ward recently. From the look on Callisto’s face, she was agitated with him and the way he was speaking. I quickly put things together from there. Jimin’s brother had always known about us, even before we had gotten together, but that did not mean anyone else had. Out here things were much more likely to be overheard. I was filled with gratitude at the small gesture even if I thought it was no longer necessary. Taehyung was horrible at keeping his mouth shut and my entire family would think it odd to hide something this important. Jimin himself may want to announce it in order to establish a connection between wolves and witches.

“I needed to see them before going to the palace,” I replied. “You must be Jihyun, then?”

He nodded, a small smile on his face. He was looking me up and down and I felt self conscious. I had yet to see myself in a mirror though I doubted I looked presentable. Callisto slapped his chest this time and hissed at him to stop. I chuckled.

“Jimin spoke about you a lot,” I continued.

Jihyun looked away bashfully. “I’ve heard plenty about you as well.”

“You should be going,” Callisto said, giving her mate a look. “My brother is going to be so happy to see you up and walking around.”

Jihyun laughed at this and I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. Biting my lip, I nodded and started walking again. Callisto again hit the wolf and chastised him for being “such a boy.” I laughed gently and met Jihyun’s melodramatic pout with a grin. 

“I swear,” She groaned. “You’re always so unencumbered by the thought process.”

Jihyun laughed, “Don’t start pulling out the Namjoon insults on me.”

She rolled her eyes, “If you were Namjoon, I’d been far more likely to punch you in the face. Broken hand be damned.”

The two of them faded as I got further away. They were an odd couple. Obviously very much in love, and childish to an extent, but it still brought a smile to my face. At least two of us could find a sense of humor right now. At least they still had each other. I hoped their mother was fine, but I had yet to see her.

A few villagers were beginning to move debris from the roads and put back together a few small buildings. I saw Namjoon amongst the builders and kept walking. I had little to say to the wolf right now and he was busy. Up ahead, Jungkook was throwing things out. It was a rare occurrence to see the omega outside of the palace’s heavily guarded walls, even rarer still away from Sol’s side, but I could imagine they had some distance now that Taehyung was back home. Jungkook no longer needed to shadow and protect Sol anymore. 

I wondered about Hoseok and Hyuna. I trusted Shiloh to heal him, but I had heard nothing about them since I woke up. The witches would have known something, but I was not sure if they would have been thinking of my friends. They were nothing to any of them so the news would be tragic but nothing worth mentioning. 

I climbed the hill to get to the palace with great care. I would have liked to use magic but I was respecting Cadoc’s wishes. No magic unless necessary. It would be for the best. I remembered the conversation the elves were having in the forest and quickened my steps. If they were going to attack Northorn and then four days later come back to Bangtan I needed to know if a siege was already underway. I would use nothing, I decided, my magic would be for fighting purposes only.

Someone spotted me climbing and came to my aid immediately. The young woman shifted, her gray and brown fur looked pretty in the sun, and offered her back to me. The rest of the way up, which would have taken me at least fifteen minutes, was spanned in three. The wolf girl was massive.

She let me down before making her way back down the hill. She had to have been helping the others dealing with the destruction and I felt bad for taking her away from her duties. The girl had not seemed to mind, however, so I decided to let it go. I had far more pressing matters to attend to anyway.

There were a few wolves guarding the outside of the palace. One of them looked at me, but paid little attention once they recognized me. I was able to walk inside without a hitch, the doors to the palace heavy and loud. 

The air still smelled of soot, and I was thrust into a swarm of people running around the palace floors. I had only been here during the night and never saw the help that shuffled through the halls. Now, that help was busy scrubbing walls, cleaning fabrics, and grabbing documents. Wrinkling my nose, I did not expect the level of disgust I felt. These people should be taking care of their homes- not polishing these stone floors.

“Can I help you?” I heard a gentle voice call out to me.

She was a large woman, three heads bigger than me, and built like a bear. Her body was muscular and broad, and I found her short, silky, black hair beautiful. Giving me a small smile, her smile lines and wrinkles revealed her to be older than most in the village. I was happy she had survived the fight. Many of the elderly would not.

“I’m looking for Alpha Jimin,” I replied.

The woman nodded, her face grim and evenly set. I had a feeling I would not be seeing him anytime soon. Figuring I would exhaust all of my options before letting her lead me out, I introduced myself as well as my title. The maid jumped, her fear palpable, and a pang of anger hit me. What had they done to this woman?

“I’m so sorry,” She rushed, her eyes pleading. “I did not know.”

I waved away her concerns.

“There’s no crime,” I soothed. She visibly relaxed and I grit my teeth. I would need to discuss this with Taehyung. No one would be made to fear me so long as I had anything to say about it. “Please, I need to see him.”

She nodded, “Of course, Uxor Park.”

“Excuse me?”

Seemingly embarrassed, the woman tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She started walking up the grand staircase and I followed her closely. 

“My apologies,” She spoke once we were at the top. She kept her voice low and I struggled to hear her. “Alpha Jimin has announced to the elders of your bond, but I forgot you have been recovering from battle. Uxor is the word for wife and will be what you are called from this moment forward.”

I frowned, “What’s your name?”

“Sloan, daughter of Ammon.”

I hummed, “Well, Sloan, I have a name and I would prefer to be called by it.”

Sloan looked scandalized. I was unsure of pack etiquette on this level. I had never cared much about it before. Thinking about Jimin, I recalled the nickname he used for me often and asked the maid what it meant.

“It means ‘loved friend,’” She replied, pleasantly. “We use it when talking of our closest loved ones. It’s a platonic nickname.”

The word platonic was distasteful. I had hoped it meant something more. Knowing Jimin would have called any of the copiae amica put a bad taste in my mouth. Seeming to notice my discomfort, Sloan smiled my way.

“It is something the Alpha would take seriously. I’ve never heard him use nicknames for anyone outside of his family, and never amica. He might find other words too intense before a bonding ceremony.”

I cocked an eyebrow at the large woman who chuckled fondly. The tension from earlier seemed to be gone now and I hoped she knew I would never raise my voice to her. I would not put it past Ahn to lay hands on their workers. He was a vile little man.

“He’s a very traditional man,” Sloan continued. “He’s been going about your union in the most courteous way imaginable, and had refused to publicly announce your partnership until you woke up.”

This did please me. It would have been unimaginably difficult this morning if the village had known I stole the heart of their strongest alpha. The group of women seemed kind enough, and his family I had met were going out of their way for my people, yet I still felt anxiety. I had seen how quickly they turned on Taehyung.

“Even knowing how careful he is, I'm surprised the bond has not been complete,” Sloan spoke away without much care if I replied or not. I could imagine she never gossiped with people outside of the maids. “He really is such a gentleman.”

“What are you talking about?” I finally spoke again, entertained by the woman. The young wolves always seemed uptight regarding sex and their rituals, but Sloan’s age made her less self conscious. 

“I know many wolves,” Sloan’s voice dropped even lower now. “Most are dreadful mates. Men are raised to believe they own their wives, but times are changing. Alpha Jimin is one of the best men I know.”

“You know him well?”

“No,” She admitted, “But he’s one of the few wolves who have never laid a hand on me.”

Instantly, I felt a kinship to this woman. While I was never hit, no one had ever even thought of laying a finger to me, I did understand what it felt like to be trapped. Here she was in her prison and she could find little solace in her place in society. I thought of Ahn again and wanted nothing more than to kill him myself. If he was even alive.

“Is the vermin alive?” I sneered, anger getting the best of me. 

“Ahn?” She hissed, her fear palpable. Then just as quickly she relaxed. “No, he’s dead. It is only Chief Kim, Namjoon’s father, and Chief Bo. She has been struggling greatly. She lost a child.”

I felt a great amount of guilt again. That poor woman. I tried picking her face out in my mind, but could not remember who she was. There were three women on the council table, but Ahn never allowed them to speak. He must have been one of those dreadful mates Sloan had been speaking about. I never disliked the man, had never really liked him either, but my loyalties to Taehyung would always sway my bias now. If Chief Kim wanted a problem then I would be sure he knew exactly who he would be up against.

I thought of Namjoon and knew my worries would be unnecessary once things started up again. We had all lost something, and from Namjoon’s apologies I would hope his father would honor his son’s wishes. I would have to thank the alpha for helping me during the fight. 

“Taehyung is a good man,” Sloan was rushed now and I assumed we were approaching the others now. “A very, very good man. Sol is lucky.”

I could not agree with her more. After spending as much time with the boy as I had there was no denying his potential. What he lacked in aggression he made up for in heart. Sure, he was gullible and prone to random outbursts that led to nowhere, but I knew what he had inside of him. The way he fought was only one facet of his life. When I thought of his strength the way he held Sol in his arms came to mind. She was as precious to him as silk, and he made sure to hold her tightly enough to stop her from hurting others.

“However,” Her voice was practically gone from how softly she spoke now. I had to lean into her and tap into the animal within me to make out everything she said. “His sweetness will be used against him in these coming months. Tell me, Birdie, do you believe in him?”

I answered without hesitation, “More than anyone in Lustra.”

“Even more than your Jimin?”

I smiled, “Taehyung will give your people something Jimin never will.”

“And what’s that?”

I looked at her now. I had a feeling I would be in this place more than ever, and I would want to keep her close to me. She was a comfort that I never had. We understood each other. 

“Peace of mind.”

I meant every word. If Jimin had been alpha I was sure this entire village would have been to Northorn by now. The fight would have never ended. Everything would have revolved around war. Jimin would give them strength and hope, but his own desire to end things as quickly as possible would place people in danger. No one would be prepared to do the right thing- wait and plan. I doubted any of the witches would be here either. I would certainly still be in my cottage.

Taehyung was methodical. He always came off as goofy or passive, but I knew better. Those eyes saw everything and information was precious to him. He listened to your every word and took it to heart. He would want to be sure as many people could be helped, that those who can’t help themselves would be hidden, and look at every avenue of support he could. He was able to get around my love’s vital flaw- pride. Taehyung had plenty of it, but he was as humble as they come. I smiled fondly thinking of him. 

I was so happy we had made it through this.

“What happens now?” I asked, a large set of wooden doors coming into view as we turned into a quiet hallway.

“You will meet with the council as a new Oxur,” Sloan began, a professionalism in her voice that had faded as we spoke now back. I could sense her nerves as we got closer to the room. “After that you will begin planning your wedding. Of course, with everything going on that may be postponed or rushed. You and Bo will discuss your options at some point.

“You will live in this palace as things play out. You and Jimin will not be permitted to be alone together without a chaperone present. Again, things might be different with the fallout. Ahn made these rules but Taehyung will likely ignore them. He and the Luna wedded yesterday to establish their bond as quickly as possible. Bo was not happy but understood. Kim just wanted to be sure the Luna was feeling better since being near him once more.”

I nodded, trying to keep up. The strange need for virgins here was odd. I had never met a wolf who had actually waited for their wedding to bond with their mate. Hoseok and Hyuna were inseparable from what I heard. Sol and Taehyung had no choice, but from her reaction to him I was sure they would be on one another the second the were alone. Jimin, however, had kept his distance. I smiled. He was trying to protect my honor, even if I thought the whole process was dripping in misogyny.

“Neither of them are angry about your union,” She continued, speaking quickly. “In fact, Chief Kim was quite pleased. He believes your children will be very strong and that will be vital if this war continues.

“You and Jimin must meet with his family to discuss arrangements after the wedding. Oftentimes, a woman will be asked to become a servant to the family for the first year of marriage in exchange for a lifetime of loyalty. Mi-Jeong will not do that to you. She is a very good, strong woman and will be happy you have made her son happy.

“I will say that she can be a wildcard. Quick tempered and straight to the point. I adore her but she can come off abrasive. It’s why she and your sister-in-law get along so well. You must call them your mater and glos until they say otherwise. Again, I don’t believe they are too concerned with this but it will be helpful in showing respect.”

I struggled to keep up with the rules. Was this what Sol had been taught her entire life? I scoffed. Taehyung could care less about how “lady like” the girl was, and I was sure Jimin cared even less about my own manners. All of this shit was made by some man who wanted to control every aspect of his peoples’ lives. Sloan grinned at me. I doubted she saw the need for these ideals either.

“The most important thing will be your intentions. You will be one of the most important women in the village now, and everyone will have to trust and respect you for this to ever work. I believe many see what you have done for us and will be easily swayed. I cannot promise all will be satisfied, but this war is more important than petty things like this.”

I could only pray Sloan was right. Reaching the door, Sloan gestured for me to be quiet as she knocked. The gentle chatter inside ceased. After announcing my presence, the room exploded. I grinned when I heard Sol’s voice over them all begging to be the one to greet me. 

“I need to apologize,” She stated, already deciding she had won this fight. “Besides, you’ve both had her long enough.”

The door opened with a loud whoosh. The heavy doors seemed to weigh nothing under the Luna’s hands. Sol was glowing, her golden skin plump and dewy, and I saw the sparkle back in her brown eyes. A huge smile on her face, Sol wasted little time running into my body, her arms wrapping around me tightly. I hugged the girl back, my face hot from the attention. Sloan stood beside us and did not utter a word.

I would be fixing that.

“I’m so sorry,” Sol exclaimed, practically shaking in her excitement. She was so happy, so overjoyed that it was difficult to believe a war was happening in Lustra. I wondered just how sheltered she was being in here. “I can’t believe I scratched you.”

I scoffed, “There’s nothing to forgive. That was the least important thing that happened.”

Sol pouted, “I still needed to apologize. You’ve done too much for me to be treated that way.”

I hoped my eyes could convey just how much I understood what she meant. I did not need her apologies, did not want them, and I would never speak of this incident again. I took Taehyung in because I wanted to, and no one would be indebted to me as far as I was concerned. To her I had saved her entire universe. To me I had harbored a fugitive because it was the right thing to do.

“Enough about that,” I waved her off. “I’m here to see Jimin.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath, but shrugged it off. I hadn’t said anything wrong according to our relationship. If Jimin had an issue, then we would talk about it. Until then, I was unbothered by the thoughts of others. 

“I’d like to be excused now.”

Sol was momentarily forgotten as she clung to my side. He was so tired. His voice was rugged and slow and so, so defeated. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and kiss his nose. I knew that would be too far in this place, but I did untangle myself from Sol to get closer to him.

“After,” The deep, masculine voice was not to be argued with. “It will only take a few moments, Alpha.”

Finally stepping into the room, I felt better with Jimin in sight. His hair was tied back so I could see his wilted expression with full clarity. There would be no hiding from me right now. I wanted to rush to his side and let him know that I was fine. Catching Taehyung’s eyes, I held myself back. This would be quick.

Raising to his feet, Taehyung bowed to me. I bowed back, knowing that we would not hug again. It was disrespectful to do so, and he would want to be sure his mate would be comfortable with that level of familiarity.

Jimin stayed seated but his eyes never left me. This would be difficult for him. The two of us had gone through hell a few days ago, and I had not held him since. A gentle voice called out to me.

“It’s so wonderful to see you alive Birdie,” An elderly woman, who I could only guess was Chief Bo, greeted. “The Council was beginning to worry.”

I gave the woman a small smile.

“I am quite well,” I assured. 

“We are grateful for your service,” The voice from before said.

Turning around, I was greeted by an older man. His hair was going gray and lines had become more pronounced. It took one look to know this was Namjoon’s father. They shared the same mono-lidded eyes, both of them just as serious and stoic as the other, but that was where the similarities ended. I could only imagine how his mother looked and the strength of those genes.

“I don’t believe we have had the pleasure of a formal introduction,” Chief Kim approached and bowed deeply. I returned the gesture. 

“I am Kim Yong-Seok, Namjoon’s father. I’ve served this council since the time of the previous Birdie, and I am honored to have fought alongside you.”

“I am Y/N,” I replied. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Chief Kim.”

The man sat down in one of the many chairs in the room. There was a large table in the middle of it all, but no one seemed interested in the papers on it. I stayed standing. I had not noticed Sol’s return to the room and grinned. She was curled in Taehyung’s lap not listening to a word we were saying. I was very jealous and my patience was thinning. Jimin had still not said a word.

“I would like to tell you how much I appreciate you for taking Alpha Taehyung in,” The Chief continued. “My son was not acting rationally, and he had many voices in his ear, but I tried to make him see reason. Ahn was the one who took the letter you sent him. Chief Bo found it in his things yesterday morning.”

My jaw clenched. The man was dead and I would try not to speak ill of him right now. Everyone was mourning and my anger would solve nothing. It still did not sit well with me that either one of these elders lived. They could not shift anymore and would be easy targets for the elves. I had heard little of them before and Namjoon had said everyone was being irrational. Not once had he talked of his father or this Chief Bo. I did not trust these two and I thought back to Cadoc.

We had a spy amongst us.

The conversation the elves had came back to me as well, and I knew I needed to say something. Aldara had said I needed to find Naida, whoever that may be, and hopefully it would lead me to answers. I decided I would need to talk with Cadoc about that later. I glanced at Jimin and bit my lip. Sneaking away may be a challenge.

If Sloan was right then it would not be, but Ahn was the one in charge of these rules. I did not know Kim or Bo well enough to say if they felt similarly. I heard Bo shifting behind me but said nothing. She did not talk very much.

“I understand,” I would keep those thoughts to myself. “All is forgiven. I actually have some things to discuss if that would be alright with you.”

The man nodded.

“I overheard the elves talking when I went to find Jimin’s party out in the woods,” I sighed when I heard Bo’s noise of disapproval. She was uncomfortable with the way I addressed Jimin it seemed. I ignored her. 

“They were speaking in a very old language that I don’t speak fluently. Unfortunately, I could only pick out a few words but I put things together. They mentioned moving to attack Northorn and 4 days after they would come back to Bangtan.”

“Four days after what?” Bo’s voice startled me.

I shrugged, “I can’t say for sure, but it would have to be if they were successful in the siege.”

“So, 4 days after they take Northorn they are coming back?” Taehyung clarified. 

“Again, I can’t say for sure. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Finally, he spoke. “You’re not infallible. Thank you for telling us what you do know.”

“Yes,” Chief Kim nodded his agreement. “We will have to prepare. The attack on Northorn began last night.”

Chief Kim stood, his intimidating figure tall enough to reach the ceiling. He looked past me, obviously to the other Chief, and they had some kind of silent conversation. My eyes stayed on Jimin now. I knew this meeting would be over soon.

“I think it would be best if Oxur Park stayed in her own suite,” I heard Bo say.

I did not like that woman.

“I agree,” Chief Kim replied.

I did not like him either.

“They should be separated until their union,” She continued. “The witch needs to learn proper etiquette before touching the Alpha.”

I hated her.

Jimin looked as impressed as I did. With a deep scowl, Jimin disagreed vehemently. Taehyung took his side as well as Sol. They cited the war and bloodshed. Why waste time with these nonsensical rules when we had lived together for two months? I chose to stay quiet.

Chief Kim finally said his peace, “Separating them is not an option. The Luna is right, they have already lived intimately and I will not break their bonds for the sake of tradition.”

“But they have not completed anything,” Bo argued, sending a hateful look my way.

It was obvious she would be someone to look down on me. I could not understand what I had done to make her dislike me so, but I did not care enough to figure it out. Jimin was mine and nothing would change that. 

“We both know that it is not the only part of the bond,” Chief Kim scolded. “They will sleep separately but we need both of them present for this war. Forcing them apart will be detrimental.”

I was still weary of them both, but I was far more inclined to like Chief Kim. Bo was not satisfied with his answer but chose to keep her mouth shut. With that decided, Chief Kim dismissed us so he would have time to think. Taehyung and Sol stayed behind.

“Alpha Jimin,” I wanted to groan in frustration.

Having just stood up, Jimin was still too far away for my liking. Growing tired of holding back, I walked to his side. He reached out and took my hand. Bo frowned at the contact. 

“Yes, Chief Kim?”

“Come back in an hour. We have much to discuss regarding this revelation.”

He nodded, “Of course.”

Just like that, the two of us were cut off from the remaining conversation. Kim wanted to speak with Taehyung about an upcoming fight, and I was sure this would be better with Jimin here. My own selfishness was jumping for joy at being alone with him again, but I was worried how this short break may affect this war. 

Again, this Naida came to mind. Aldara had said I would have to find her, which meant she was not in Bangtan. I doubted I would find her in Moland either. Everyone knew everyone in the swamp and the name had never come up before. Naida was in the beyond, someplace within Lustra that I had never seen before, and it scared me. 

Jimin led me out of the room, and I was sad to see Sloan had already disappeared. She must have left as soon as Sol came out to greet me. Wrapping an arm around my waist, Jimin pulled me to his side and quickened his pace. I struggled to keep up, but I pushed my worries to the side. For now, I would allow myself to be happy to just be near him. 

“So,” I whispered, forcing myself to smile, “I’m your wife now?”

His ears reddened.

“It’s just a formality,” He replied, voice suspiciously even. I giggled at his flushed face and calmed easily. We were just us right now and that would have to be enough. I would worry about Cadoc once the sun set. “I had planned on proposing properly once this war was over.”

Slowing down, Jimin opened a door and pulled me inside. It was a dimly lit room with only candle light and a large bed within it. Fresh sheets smelled of cotton and lavender and I was unhappy with how barren it was. Only two pillows and a thin blanket. I was already itching to go back to my cabin and nest in my thick quilts.

Thinking about the cabin made me think about Shiloh. I had never gotten the chance to say goodbye. I knew I should be happy to be with my mate again, but I was so tired of plastering on a face of good health. A flash of white hot anger burst through my chest and I kicked one of the stone walls. 

“Amica.”

I kicked the wall again and groaned in my frustration. Everything had fallen apart so quickly. Shiloh holding Hoseok flashed behind my eyes and I kicked the wall again. I didn’t even know how he was doing and I would never see my precious little owl again. Another kick. Yoongi was blind and helpless, Hyun-Jin lost a piece of his childhood, and Taejin could have died. Cordelia did die. I screamed now, tears in my eyes, as I kicked and punched at the wall. 

“Amica,” Jimin grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the bloodied wall.

My hands shook and I fell to my knees and cried.

“Fall apart,” He whispered. “I’ll be here to hold you together.”

And so, for the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to sob.

 The moon was high in the sky. Sitting in the faceless room, which I now knew as my own, I stared out the lone window and waited for a sign of Cadoc. It should not be too much longer before I get out of here. The walls were suffocating without Jimin around to hold me. 

He had stayed for the entire hour and held me. I cried until I could no longer produce tears and then I wailed. I told everything then. I told him about my visions before everything had hit, how I had kept things from him out of fear for his safety, and all of the ways I had gone out of my way to keep everyone in the dark. I stuttered my way through the way I fought off the elf, how much it had hurt to kill myself, and the way Aldara looked like an angel.

He held me tightly when I told him about Taehyung and I fighting our way through the elves to get to Sol, how she had bitten and swung at me like a stranger, and just how tiny she was. I felt him flinch when we talked about finding Yoongi and he cried with me when I got to dragging Cordelia’s body from the dead.

“She was so heavy,” I wailed, rocking back and forth in his arms. “So, so heavy.”

He did not want to leave me, but he had duties to attend to. He offered to send someone up to sit with me but I declined the offer. I did not want anyone but him to step foot in this room. This would be my new nest and it was mine to decide what to do with and who to allow. I would make an exception to Taehyung or my witches, but that would be all. I doubted they would ever come here to find me, not when I was so desperate to get away from this castle.

Finally, I caught sight of a shadowy figure running through the village. Without waiting for a signal or call sign, I shifted. My bird flew around easily and made no noise as it glided through the dark palace. I had to shift back once I reached the main door. I knew it would be impossible to open without alerting someone to my disappearance, so I needed to find another way. The window in my room did not open, but hopefully one of these would. After checking a few, I found that one was completely missing from its spot. They must have been repairing it.

Taking advantage of the opening, I shifted and took off to the forest. It was dead silent tonight and I hoped my friends were safe. Patto would be fine but Delinah could have been injured or killed in the elven rampage. Elves ate deer. I did not want to ponder on the thought any further. 

Cadoc was waiting for me in my meadow. The cottage was still destroyed but otherwise had seemed completely untouched. Sniffing the air I was sure that no one else had been around here for days. The others must have thought me dead and left the cottage alone once they thought it was useless. Magic and spells were of no use to them, especially my silly little grimoires filled with potions and strange teleports.

“It’s been left alone,” Cadoc shouted once he saw me coming. 

I shifted once I was close enough to the ground. The clothing spell had been a wonderful thing to know how to do lately. Cadoc was dressed in dark clothes now and blended into the trees. That weird translucent quality he had the first time we met was back. I hoped we were safe enough but kept up my guard just in case. I fondled the iron ring I was wearing.

“What do you know?” I asked.

“Not much,” He admitted. “Samayna is suspicious of the female chief, but I believe that is too easy a target. Lorcan is untrusting of humans, but his own bias is affecting his judgment. Both of them are going to our queen living deep in Moland to discuss their theories.”

I pursed my lips.

“What evidence is there that anyone was involved?”

“They came in through the cave systems. No elven army could have gone through them that quietly without knowing where to go. How were no wolves able to pick up on them? It’s too strange for us to ignore the possibilities.”

I hated to agree with him but I was odd. The cave was echoey and loud. There were few things that could be quiet enough to invade without someone hearing something. The wolves would have been ready for a cave ambush if they made a single sound, but they did not. You would have to know where to go in order to take advantage of that vantage point.

“You believe me,” Cadoc always sounded so surprised about my trust. 

“You make good points,” I replied. “I just don’t understand why someone would use elves against their own people.”

“The same reason the elves turn on their own: Power.”

Elves were disgusting creatures. Aldara had always said a quietus kills for vengeance while an elf kills for glory. Their kind believed in mass genocide and hated what they called “halflings” and “hybrids.” Their country of Etelin were the first to attack during the Century War where they stole the land of Korika from the wolves and foxes living there. Lustra had never fallen but those who once ruled these lands had diminished. Quietus were amongst these populations and a few groups had become highly aggressive towards anyone who was not an elemental.

Those were the ones Aldara killed. She always reminded me that there were good people, good quietus, but it was so hard to imagine as a child. Everything was black and white then, but looking at Cadoc I knew she was right. 

“What did your ancestor show you?” He asked. “The little witch boy said you would have seen her in the spirit world.”

I frowned, “She told me to find someone called Naida.”

I had no idea who this could be, but Cadoc’s expression told me that I should. 

“And she said you specifically?”

I nodded wearily. Cadoc began to pace and mumble to himself. In the dark on the significance of this name, I grew annoyed. I wished he would get over himself and talk to me. I stayed quiet in fear I would say something rude and tried to be patient.

“You’re going to have to go to the Ozryn Mountains,” He finally said. “Finding Naida is impossible without Khione. She’s in the Mountains near Idris and you may be able to convince her to take you to Naida if you tell her of the situation here in Bangtan.”

I scoffed, “What are you talking about? Who are these people?”

“Khione is an elemental who bends. She is Naida’s closest and oldest friend and will be easier to find.”

I sighed in frustration. I did not like being out of the loop and after the day I had my patience has run dry. I wanted to get back to Foxglove and sneak into Jimin’s house for the night. Bo be damned, I needed to see him. Especially if I would have to leave soon. The thought made me want to cry.

“I don’t know who any of these people are!” I shouted. “Talk to me, Cadoc. I’m lost and you’re saying I need to leave Bangtan to go and find some elemental.”

The quietus needed to pause his pacing to stare at me. I was missing something important, but it was hard to explain how little I knew about the world outside of the forest. I found the politics of Northorn boring and talks of war made me uncomfortable. I knew, however, that these women were not in positions of power within the statehoods. The only woman that came to mind was Queen Elizabeth of Northorn.

“You are too young to remember the age of the dragons,” Cadoc said and I realized he thought I was much older than I was. I wondered if I looked like Heidi or Griselda enough to have him confused. “Naida is the mother of them all. She was the first dragon that ever lived and her children are the ancestors of Khione’s people.”

“There’s no Naida living in Alcona,” I interjected, confused.

“Naida is a water dragon,” He replied. “Khione is an elemental who cannot shift as her bloodline was diluted by air elemental blood.”

Dragon shifters, as far as I knew, were fire elementals that lived in the Alcona Islands. Aldara had said during the Century War they had been enslaved and used as weapons of war once the elves learned how to force them to their will. Water and air were far more difficult to control, and we had always assumed they were the only dragons to survive the war. I had never known of these water tribes within Ozryn. It reminded me of the rumors of hybrids living deep in the mountains after the first Quietus Invasion.

“The people of Alcona are familiar with her,” Cadoc continued. “Queen Affra is her godchild but they do not see one another often. Naida mourns the death of her kin and holds a mean grudge against Etelin for what they have done to Lustra.”

I was doubtful I would be able to find this dragon woman. I had hardly stepped foot out of the forest and the further away I had gone was Moland. I had no maps or points of reference to guide me along the journey. Then there was the very real chance I was not allowed to go. Jimin would fight tooth and nail to keep me in Bangtan, and I would need to find a way around him. Cadoc seemed to be following my train of thought.

“Samayna will have the maps you will need for the journey. She may even offer to go with you.”

“No,” I shook my head. “If I’m not here then I want to be sure all of the strongest fighters are. I will go off on my own and write when I can.”

“I can speak with King Hadeon. He can offer up his consort-”

“No,” I emphasize my point once more. “I will do this alone. I can only choose my own fate. If I die then that will be so, no need to pull anybody away from Foxglove.”

Cadoc seemed upset by my resolve but moved on. I would not budge from this. Another reason I could be denied would be lack of hands and I would be sure mine would be the only ones gone. Cogs turning, I was sure I could convince Kim and Bo to allow me passage so long as I promised to return with help no matter what. I could use the excuse of sending for help from Viridi Gramine, but I knew Taehyung would see through the lie. He was another factor I would need to consider.

“You’re braver than you look,” He finally settled on.

“I don’t feel that way,” I replied.

Ignoring the comment, Cadoc continued.

“You will need to get to Clarcton first. There you can find lodging. The elves are still at the northern tip of Northorn to avoid Briar Glen Beach. Keld resides there and he will alert Affra.

“Pack for the cold, buy some clothes, and try to find a guide to the mountains. No one will give you passage, but you might be able to get some help finding your way. Once you’re in the mountains stay south and find the narrow passageway to Idris.”

“How will I know I’m going the right way?”

“Dwarf caves are all over the place. You would be able to hear them during the day. Do not walk at night. You will die. If you’re lucky, someone will be curious and ask why you’re there. Tell them you are looking for Khione. It’s alright to say it’s elves- dwarves hate them more than we do.

“If not, keep going until you see a light in the distance. That is Khione’s tower where the guiding light shines for travelers. At this point you will probably believe you’re going to die, and you will cry in relief. Ozryn is tumultuous even during this time of year. We are lucky they attacked in summer instead of winter or your journey would be impossible.”

This plan was forming itself already. Tonight I would gather grimoires from inside of the cellar and ask Cadoc to take them back with me. For the next two days I would study harder than I ever had in my life in order to prepare for a fight. I would have to pick two or three books to bring along with me that would be my own companions. I would have to get started soon if I had any hope of sorting through my things before sunrise.

“Stand out here,” I told Cadoc. “I need to gather a few things.”

“Heidi would have better information,” He said. “I remember her well from the war. The little girl with her would be okay, too.”

I walked inside and opened the cellar. I would bring along a few of my knives and craft a new one. Thelma’s order for iron had been made and there were two iron scones in my room I could melt down. My magic was fickle and I would have no room for mistakes. 

I took three feathers I found in Shiloh’s nest on my way out.

I found his home easily. Even with the bungalow in disarray and heavily damaged, I could see the care people had took in trying to hold it together temporarily. I did not think it would withstand much of anything, but I could hope it would be enough for Jimin to be safe. Other copiae were in the palace as their homes were too damaged. Bo did not want us in the same place so Jimin had to stay out here.

I went to the bedroom window I had flown to all of those months ago. A lot has changed since then. Jimin was at his desk again, quill in hand and hair tied up. I loved the way the candles lit his face. 

Cadoc took my things to my room for me. After picking out five of Heidi’s books, one of Griselda’s, and two more of Aldara’s journals, the two of us came back to the village. His powers made gliding soundlessly easy. My bird would never have been able to make that work. Along with the books, I also took spare trousers, my jewelry box, and my quilts. This room would be mine for a few days and I would make it look as such. I hoped it would bring Jimin comfort in my absence. I knocked on the glass.

Jimin looked at me and stood up. He pointed to the front door and I walked around the small house. The door was already open and Jimin’s arms outstretched for me. 

“You were gone when I came to check on you,” He said.

I walked into his chest, kicking the door closed behind me, and wrapped myself around him. His warmth was nice and I breathed him in. I would be away from him for so long…

“I snuck away,” I grinned. “I wanted to get some of my things. Hopefully Bo won’t be too upset with me.”

Jimin chuckled, “Ignore her. She’s hurting and trying to distract herself with other feelings.”

“Like hate?” I rested my chin on his chest and looked up at him. “Disgust? Disdain?”

He kissed my forehead. 

“Jealousy.”

He sniffed my hair and stiffened.

“You weren’t alone on your outing.”

I shook my head, “No. Cadoc wanted to meet with me regarding some… issues they were having.”

“Can we talk about it?”

I nodded and forced myself out of his arms. I would never be able to focus on anything like this. I yawned but waved off his grooming. Jimin, like everyone else in my life, treated me like a glass house in a tornado. Normally, I appreciated his pampering but we needed to have a serious talk and it would make me lose my train of thought.

“They believe there’s a whistleblower,” I started, sitting down on his sofa. “Using caves was weird and they’re talking with their Queen about it now.”

“Taehyung and I were talking about that possibility as well,” He mused, looking over at me. “That’s not all, is it?”

I shook my head. I knew this was the part of the night I would have to stay quiet about for now, but I might be able to say some of it. Planting a seed and seeing where it goes never hurt anybody.

“I might have to do something in the next few days,” I looked at my hands. “It won’t be fun, or easy, but you need to trust me, okay?”

“You need to give trust to get it.”

Looking at him, I was sad to see the defeat in his eyes. Keeping things from him had made this situation so much worse than they should have been. Even if he never admits it, even if we never acknowledged this fact right now, I knew him. He was hurt by me keeping quiet and not trusting him enough to defend the both of us. All this time I was keeping him safe without ever thinking about the fact that he wanted to make sure I was okay, too. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just get it out and deal with it right here and now.

“I need to find someone,” I whispered uselessly. There was no one else around. “When I saw Aldara she said I needed to find Naida, a water dragon. Cadoc said that her people would send help as soon as they heard me out.”

“Absolutely not!” He shouted, standing from the sofa.

“I told you that it won’t be easy,” I reached out for him.

Brushing off my affection, Jimin rubbed his ace roughly. He was panicking already. I stayed seated and tried to soften the blow, but came up empty-handed. Nothing would make this easier. 

“Not easy? You’re expecting me to be fine with you going on a suicide mission!”

I frowned, “Do you not trust me enough to take care of myself?”

He groaned in frustration. 

“Of course you can take care of yourself, but I can’t live with the thought of never seeing you again. They live in the mountains, Y/N! The mountains! You have no idea where you’re going. How can I accept that?”

He was right. If he had come to me with this proposal I would be just as hysterical. I feared for myself, it was the reason I wanted to go alone, but the fear for me was hard to understand. It felt wrong to bring someone else with me, though it would help to ease Jimin’s mind. My friends’ minds as well.

“What if someone came along with me?” I asked. 

Pausing his pacing, he started to consider. He was still uncomfortable, that I could see plainly, but some of the tension was gone. I sorted through a list of names but felt uncomfortable with any of them tagging along. None of my witches were allowed to die in those mountains and I only knew wolves who were important. 

“Not you,” I quickly added. “Your people need you right now.”

“Then who?” He asked, his voice far more resigned. 

“There’s a wolf in the palace. Her name is Sloan and I’m fond of her. She can come with me.”

All at once, Jimin was at ease. I smiled. I knew little about that woman, and had no intentions of dragging her through the mountains with me, but if she eased all of his worries she would be formidable. I was bitter about her mistreatment once more. Pity Ahn had died so easily.

“I can live with that.”

We laid in his bed for the rest of the night, talking and caressing one another. I had missed a lot during my slumber and I was happy to get the rundown. With Sloan’s word from earlier I felt less insecure about our snail’s pace. Jimin truly believed he was honoring me this way and I would let him have this. If he would let me leave then I would wait for marriage. I fell asleep as the sun came up and smiled when I thought of Bo finding my room empty.

A/N: Don’t be mad at me!

Taglist:  @greezenini @adventures-in-bookland @kthstrawberryshortcake-main​ @zae007live @jimin-neverout @nikkiordonez12 @canarystwin​ @yamekomz @chimthicc @michiiedreamer​

© chimcess, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission 

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x06 thoughts (and many feelings)

Well, as expected, this ep basically broke my heart into a million tiny pieces- but still, they really did give Arman the best send-off that they could given the circumstances, and I’m so, so grateful for it.

Breaking the recap up a bit differently this week because I have a lot to say about everyone lol

But of course, I have to start with my beloved boy Arman, and Armony. I always knew that this ep was going to break me, and man, they didn’t waste any time doing it… less than 4 mins in and the tears were already flowing from hearing him saying the Reloj line, because seriously, knowing that this was his one chance to pass on a message to the people in his life, and that he chose that??? God it was powerful seeing Nadia and the others incorrectly assuming the message simply meant that he was running out of time, vs seeing Thony's jaw clench on hearing it because she knew the truth, knew that it was meant for her alone. In some ways, it was a “I think my time is up and I'm the one leaving forever in the morning, and that's okay” kind of message, but it was also a “this is me telling you I love you, because I never got the chance before”, and a “no matter what they do to me, in my mind I'm there, dancing with you by the fire.” No wonder she reaches for a beer the moment she gets home, knowing that there’s the chance she will be able to hold him in her arms again in only a matter of hours, but not being able to do anything to make it happen except just sit and wait for news. Well, at least until the moment she sees the report and understands Dante’s involvement, and then there’s no holding back anymore, no more trusting others to save him. Her blind determination to go find him and bring him home is exactly like how she acted when Luca was dying or when Fi was deported; it’s the way she always responds when someone she loves desperately needs her, and I love that Arman is so clearly in that category. (Okay gotta break this up bc of Tumblr's character limit lol)

Anyway ugh the entire time she was at the apartments I could feel my heart in my throat, because god, she got so close. (Oh and the way she instantly recognised the jacket and then knew with a single sniff that it was his?? Help???). But anyway ugh when the kid pointed them to the apartment, and she saw him right there through the window, only for him to be stolen away again in the mere couple of minutes it took her to get back around to the apartment’s front door.... Ughhh these two have been star-crossed from the start, but it was so hard to watch the final acts of their tragedy unfolding. I'll never be over the fact that for days, he was kept in a haze of drugs and pain, and yet we (and Thony!) know from his message that he spent that time thinking of her, escaping his reality by living in the moments they’d shared. And her own drug-induced hallucination of him was equally heartbreaking… god, to see her be so honest and unreserved in the way she looked at him and held him and spoke to him ("I’m gonna take you home, I'm never gonna let you go again”)... like damn, in that moment we really got to see the unfiltered, uninhibited truth of her feelings for him, the truth she never got to tell him and that he never got to hear.

But still, I’d like to think that he knew it anyway, especially when he saw her there in that car– saw that she had come for him, that she was trying so hard to save him, even at risk to herself. (Naturally I wish that we could have had his real face for that heart-wrenching moment of goodbye, but it was close enough, and when it comes down to it, that moment was still truly Arman and Thony no matter what). And while I’m sure Arman would have wished that he could live, that he could have stayed and built a life with her, we also saw multiple indications in the past 2 seasons that Arman knew and accepted that an early death was likely for him, if not practically inevitable, just like it had been for Mateo and Carlos and Bosco. And so for him to get to go out on his own terms, and in the act of saving Thony? It was exactly the death that he would have wanted. (On first watch I was sobbing too hard to notice that he didn't just knock the gun away and cause chaos in the car, he actually also grabbed the wheel and deliberately drove them off the cliff, meaning he truly chose for himself how he met his death). Honestly, it was literally the exact kind of ending I'd been predicting for him ever since s1– both the culmination of his hero arc, and also the ultimate fulfillment of his vow to protect her.  I'm so, so thankful that he got to have that, got to go out fast and painlessly and like the hero he was, rather than dying in the hangar or alone in that grungy apartment, and I’m even more thankful that he got to see her one last time, got to have that final goodbye with her. He died knowing she loved him and never gave up on him, and knowing that his death would ensure she got to live on; and for him, that would have been everything. And as devastating as it was to see Thony on her knees on the cliff, staring up into the sky as everything faded into white and El Reloj began to play... it was also heartbreakingly beautiful- seeing them dancing together again truly felt like getting a glimpse into his heaven, like it was telling us 'This is where he is now. This is where he'll always be"- and though it'll still always hurt to have lost him, I can be at peace with that.

(Though ngl, this ep was full of 'if onlys' that are going to haunt both us and Thony forever... If only Chris hadn't blocked the toilet today of all days. If only Thony had called a different plumber. If only JD's friend hadn't gotten him the arrest report. If only Ramona hadn't put a tail on Thony that caused her and Fi to have to rely on Jeremy for a ride rather than going on their own. If only Thony had been able to trust that Jorge wasn't involved and had called him instead. If only Nadia hadn't sent her the address for the meet location. If only if only if only. The show has always centred around this theme (all the way back to 1x01 and ‘if only Thony hadn’t encouraged the underground fighter to make her own choices, then the fighter may have done what Theo ordered her to and deliberately lost the fight, and then Tarik wouldn’t have killed Theo and Thony wouldn't have witnessed it, and none of this would have happened’), and it's a vital aspect of both the storytelling (because if none of that had happened, then there's no story at all) and also of Thony's character development. But obviously in this instance we all know that the writers had no other choice, and that there was no way this ep could have gone differently anyway, not after the loss of Adan. We know that, but Thony doesn't, and so it's going to be devastating to see Thony blame herself for yet another death, especially the death of someone she loved so deeply.)

But alright let’s talk about who is actually responsible for Arman’s death, because while Thony inadvertently contributed to it, she absolutely wasn’t the one who directly led to them being in that situation! Let’s start with Dante: firstly, I knew it was very suss that he ‘accidentally’ killed that guy in the last ep! And then when I saw the BTS pics for 3x06 last week and saw that Thony and Fi were going to go to the same apartment buildings that Dante got arrested at, it was clear that he was definitely involved in Arman’s abduction somehow. So either it’s option 1, and that giant bastard knew just how deeply Ramona wanted Arman back in their lives and figured he could not only give her what she wanted, but could also use the opportunity to score a fuck-ton of money without Ramona ever knowing of his involvement; or it’s option 2, and he abducted Arman on Ramona’s orders so that she could a) get her hands on a bunch of Nadia's money, and b) receive Arman's gratitude for saving him, which would then lead to his return into the family. Personally I think that option 1/Dante working alone is much more likely, and I'd also prefer it to option 2, because if Ramona was involved it would completely ruin the enjoyment I’ve been getting out of her character and her sibling relationship with Jorge. So I'm really hoping that it was all just Dante’s plan, and that Ramona and Jorge believe Thony when she tells them about Dante’s role in Arman's kidnapping (and therefore his death) and then they fucking murder him for it. 

Speaking of murdering, that brings me to Jeremy Fucking Dolan. (Yes, I literally looked up his last name on IMDB purely bc I felt the need to put a curse word in it). It’s funny, but from the very first moment his character was announced and it was mentioned in his bio that he would befriend Thony while hiding a dark secret, I had an almost irrational level of hatred for him, even more than I had for Jorge’s character, which was definitely odd and inexplicable given that Jorge’s bio made him sound like he was purely meant to be an unwanted ‘Arman 2.0’/potential love interest, which I obviously did not want in the slightest. But if I’d been given the option to get rid of one of them before S3 even started, it would have been Jeremy with no hesitation. The moment he made his appearance, I called it that he was actually an undercover FBI agent who was using Thony to get to Arman, which was maddening enough because she just didn’t deserve to be manipulated in that way, or to be betrayed by someone whom she had been isolated and vulnerable enough to risk trusting. And then that undercover bastard not only uses her, but ends up being the very reason that the FBI shows up right at the worst moment– not only preventing the exchange, but also causing the chase that kills Arman??? I don't care if he was only doing his job and trying to catch criminals, goddammit, I still hate him so much, and it's going to destroy Thony (even more than she already has been destroyed after losing Arman) when she eventually puts it together and realises that her trusting Jeremy directly contributed to Arman’s death. Which is why I’m over here violently daydreaming of a moment sometime late in the season where Jorge and Ramona finally manage to capture Jeremy, and then they bring Thony in and let her pull the fucking trigger and end him. (I mean, is it at all likely that she would go that dark, even to avenge Arman? Well, no. But thinking about it certainly gives me great satisfaction so I’m sticking with it lol)

Anyway, moving onto something more positive– if you wanna find the MVP of this ep, you only have to look at Fi!!! I loved her for the kind and understanding way she addressed Thony's connection to Arman, and the way she almost got Thony to acknowledge her feelings for him. Though I guess in that moment she could see that Thony still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and so she tried to ease Thony's mental discomfort by shifting focus to jokes about Jeremy (gross). Still, throughout the ep she was just so completely ride or die for Thony, like she has always been, and honestly Thony needs that, needs her. And not just for her badass lock-picking skills haha (taught to her by Paolo maybe??). Basically, Thony is like the Frodo of this series, carrying a huge burden and going through unimaginable things, but Fi is like her Sam, and it’s only with Fi’s support that Thony is able to keep pushing forward through everything. Obviously the loss of Arman, the other vital person in her life (does that make him Gandalf??) is going to be absolutely crushing for her, and I think Fi is going to be even more incredible in the coming episodes as she supports Thony through her grief and devastation. Ngl, I already had a fic idea about Fi going and getting Arman's jacket back for Thony, and it makes me cry just thinking about it ugh

In addition to Fi and Thony, I did love the whole De La Rosa fam vibe early in the episode, with Chris and Jaz bickering, and Thony and Fi making a fuss of Luca, and then Chris gently telling them to ease off when Luca got overwhelmed– it felt so nice to have them all reunited again and just getting to be a ‘normal’ family getting ready for school in the morning, and for Fi and Thony to be dealing with problems like blocked toilets and wet clothes rather than threats of deportation or dangerous cartels or the FBI. Chris worrying over missing Camila’s call was super cute too; I’m glad we got to have another mention of her and I hope we get to see her again soon. As for Luca, I’m really happy he’s started school, mostly bc it frees up Thony’s schedule haha, but also because it’s an important step for both him and Thony in moving forward with their lives. Thony has lived in an endless loop of ~My Child Is Dying~ for 6 years, and finally (thanks to her and Fi and Arman, like she said in the ep) that cycle has finally been broken. Luca will always need careful monitoring of his health, of course, but Thony isn’t trapped by his illness anymore, and I’m excited to see what potential  paths that will open up for her. I will always wish that one of those paths could have been a relationship with Arman, and I'm sure she does too, but as long as she finds happiness and purpose, I'll be satisfied.

Okay, so Jorge showing up at the school was pretty great honestly; like he says, it kind of is their thing to just show up uninvited into each other's spaces, and plus I think he actually truly did want to help make the moment a little easier on her by being there and distracting her/reassuring her as a fellow parent. I also loved the sweatshirt mention lol, it was a good throwback and I enjoy that he’s comfortable enough with her to tease her. Just shows how much their relationship has changed in the week or so since he first tossed that sweatshirt at her in a different school parking lot!! And he definitely won points with me here by going out of his way to get the info for her about the legal/CPS stuff without being asked, and though he explained it away as basically just him buying her influence over Arman in regards to the Sin Cara business, again I think he just genuinely wanted to help. Like Arman, he doesn’t get the opportunity to do many things that are purely good and noble, and so the feeling of getting to help her and Luca clearly has somewhat of an intoxicating effect on both men haha. Even with the loss of Arman (and so the loss of his supposed reason for helping Thony with the CPS stuff) I don’t doubt that Jorge will still help her with it once he’s satisfied that she had nothing to do with Arman’s death. But ugh speaking of Arman, the way Jorge questioned her about her connection to Arman… he already knows that Thony’s husband only died a few months ago, and as far as he knows from Nadia's behaviour, her and Arman’s marriage was solid, so it’s understandable that the intensity of Thony’s loyalty to/concern about Arman is a bit confusing to him. And because he doesn’t understand it, he’s always going to view her with at least a trace of suspicion until he learns the truth. Which may even be as soon as next ep– it looks like Jorge and Ramona are going to be demanding answers from Thony about how Arman died/ whether she betrayed him to the Feds/ how she was even there in the first place etc etc, and honestly I'm desperately hoping we'll get some kind of "I would never betray Arman! I LOVED him!" outburst from her that makes both Jorge and Ramona stop in their tracks because of how clearly heartfelt and honest it is. And ngl, while we’ve seen Thony indirectly state or demonstrate her love for Arman multiple times now, it would really mean a lot to me to hear her just say it openly without holding back. Not to mention that I think it would also really help pave the way for her to be accepted into the Sin Cara/Sanchez family, which would make for interesting viewing for the rest of the season.  

Speaking of the Sanchez family, I enjoyed the flashback and getting the backstory about the caddy, and seeing more of the Eduardo/Ramona/Jorge dynamic. (I’m trying so hard not to be nitpicky about the fact that young Arman's hair was straight and young Jorge's was curly, when it should have been the opposite, lol). But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Eduardo says to young Arman in that moment about how the only way to be a good man is to work hard and make an honest living, and I think that before we meet him in S1 Arman had really internalised that, and didn’t see himself as being a good man even though he wanted to be, which is why it hurt him so much to have Thony reinforce that belief during their argument at the wedding in 1x03. But then through helping her and forming a connection with her, he sees that even though she’s witnessed him at his worst, she genuinely does believe he is a good man, and it allows him to start believing it of himself for the first time. The flashback also definitely gave us more of a sense of Arman’s relationship with Ramona and Jorge, and really added another layer to him not selling off his caddy despite the direness of his debt to RK. What Nadia said to Ramona about the caddy being Arman’s dream car seemed to prove to Ramona that Arman still loved her and Jorge, and never truly turned his back on them… and so hopefully her sense of family and honour will mean that she will now consider Nadia and Thony– Arman’s family– to be her family as well. I also really enjoyed the scene of Jorge and Ramona sitting together in the caddy, discussing their business choices/differences in their life plans, and also talking about Arman and his good heart… they’ve definitely both grown on me, partly because they’re well written, but mostly because they've helped Thony and they genuinely care about my boy Arman. I’m sad we'll never get to see an Arman and Jorge brotherly reunion, because that could have been truly great. But tbh what I’m really wondering is what will happen to my beloved caddy now that Arman's gone... will Nadia want to get rid of it because seeing it is too painful?? Will Jorge offer to take it? Will I get my dream of Thony being the one to keep it lol? Doubtful, but one can always hope.... (and I guess there’s always that fic I’ve been planning to write about it for like 3 weeks lol)

Sigh, poor Nadia gave me a lot of feels in this ep. She is working so hard to get Arman back, and handling herself amazingly well under incredibly stressful circumstances. She dealt calmly with the kidnappers (which Ramona was clearly very impressed by... a potential protege there, perhaps?). Nadia also politely yet firmly declined Ramona’s plan for Arman to be basically kept in their home, despite knowing how powerful Ramona is and how risky it would be to piss her off.  She also insisted on being at the exchange to get him back despite the risk to herself (and possibly partly because she still doesn’t trust Ramona’s intentions). She trusted Thony with the meet location, despite their complex history, despite knowing that it meant that she would have to share her reunion with her husband with the other woman he loves. Even if she only gave Thony the address because it meant getting to have a highly-trained doctor there who could be trusted completely with Arman’s life, it still means she put Arman’s wellbeing above her own wants. Honestly I respect the hell out of Nadia, and literally the only consolation I have about losing Arman is that at least I'll never have to watch her go through the heartbreak of Arman still choosing Thony over her despite all their history and everything she’d done for him. Of course, we still have to watch her going through an absolutely horrific heartbreak of a different kind, but at least instead of being alone in it, she has Thony to share that pain with. (Or at least, she will, when she gets past her initial anger and blame towards Thony). It's almost a certainty that Thony and Nadia's connection will continue and even strengthen throughout the rest of the season, and I strongly believe that Thony is going to do everything she can to support and protect Nadia now, not only because she genuinely does care about her, but also because it’s the only thing she can do now to honour Arman and give thanks for all he did for her.

Okay, last couple of things: I loved that even despite her desperate search for Arman and the ticking clock that was hanging over their heads, Thony still stopped and helped the kid’s grandfather. It was very true to who she is, and how she can’t not help the people in front of her that need her. And tbh in terms of TV medicine, this instance actually wasn’t too bad haha, even if her Epley manoeuvre was a bit off. The fact that the man turning to look at the clock helped her diagnose the vertigo was also a cool reference to the ep’s title/theme as well. But anyway the reference that I can’t quite figure out yet is the word Thony saw written in the dust on that mirrored platter thing; I’m assuming Arman wrote it as a clue in case someone found the apartment? It seems to say something like ‘Marin’ which means nothing to me rn, but they very intentionally included a shot of Thony seeing it, so I guess its meaning will become clear in the next ep or two? 

Anyway, this has been many many words and feelings, so I’m just gonna end it with this, the prayer that Thony spoke as Arman walked out of prison in 2x02, because it feels even more tragically fitting now:

Now he is freed Through your blood on the cross Through the blows to your face And through the crown of your thorns that pierced your head Deliver him from all evil From the rigor of injustice From the torment of conscience And from all darkness Welcome him into Paradise Where there will be no more sorrow No more weeping or pain Give him the blessings of the life to come As he enters into the kingdom of peace and light.

[mx-piggy]

i'm so glad that the Ghosts finale wasn't the depressing thing i thought it would be before i went into the season.

i love how, as it went on, we gradually got closure for a lot of characters, like Humphrey getting more screentime (and a chance to get back at the Ghosts), finding out about Kitty and the Captain's death, revealing the Captain's name, the Captain coming out, Alison and Mike getting on with Barclay, Alison finding out the truth about her fall, hell even seeing what Obi's up to.

and there were moments throughout the season that were incredibly emotionally resonant and heartbreaking or heart-warming, like where Alison thought the Ghosts were gone, the moment between Kitty and her sister, Fanny's poem, the Captain's death, Mike and Barclay in the safe, Robin being left all by himself when his friend got sucked off, the moment between Robin and Humphrey, Julian's non-apology.

this show isn't a stranger to emotional moments, but i think that it knew that it didn't have to have a dour ending because it had already given us a sense of closure throughout the season, and i guess it doesn't feel in the spirit (no pun intended) of the show for it to have a depressing ending? these characters are all victims of tragic circumstances in one way or another, be it how they died, how they lived, the mere fact that their lives were cut short, their isolation from the world, the regrets they left behind and have no chance to rectify, the loneliness that comes with eternity. even Alison has this tragedy in her life with her lack of a biological family. so, would it really be fair to these characters and the audience who's grown to love them to end their story on such a tragic note by having the Ghosts lose another friend, or to have the first living person whose ever seen and known them leave them, or to have Alison have to say goodbye to the only sense of family she truly has? isn't it nicer to end the show on a joke that both had me in stitches and also highlights how a character, despite his tragic circumstances, has finally been able to find contentment?

the ending of their lives were tragedy enough, in one way or another. the ending of the story about them never had to be as tragic, and i'm so glad that they took the route that they did.

[soberscientistlife]

I hate that it had to be you son. But I cannot have this tragedy happen and not spread awareness. We as parents try our hardest to teach and direct our children down the right path and to make the right choices but at the end of the day our children are left to make those choices and my son made a choice he could not take back. Issaiah had asked to go with some friends to the mall to buy some new shoes for school then hang out at a friends house afterwards. Someone there had Percocet . My son decided to try one. Few minutes later he becomes unconscious and because his “friends” were scared of the consequences they let my son lay there for over an hour. I get notified of this by my daughter barging in my room screaming telling me that there’s a picture of my son posted on snap chat. The image of my sons lifeless body will forever haunt me. Paramedics arrived to the location and began CPR all the way to the ER after an hour and a half they were finally able to get him back and on a ventilator. His blood test came back negative for Percocet. The doctors kept my son alive long enough for me to get to see him. The only option I was given was to take him off life support. Due to him being left without oxygen for so long the damage was too far already his organs were shutting down and no brain activity the only thing keeping him alive was a machine. I laid with him for a few hours contemplating what I should do. The last thing a mother is ever prepared for is to say goodbye to their child forever. All I could do is hold him close. I finally said to him “Son mommy is here and you do not have to be scared I love you no matter what and it’s ok to let go you no longer have to be in pain.” Within minutes my son left us. My son went on his own he did not leave me with the toughest decision any parent would have to make. He looked so peaceful. Issaiah was 15 and full of life he had a great support system from family, friends, coaches just so many people who loved and cared for him. He had so much life to live. We had many talks with Issaiah about drugs and about knowing who your friends are. After finally getting my son’s autopsy it was confirmed that the pill he was given was a counterfeit pill that contained pure fentanyl. Parents please be aware and educate your children that pills are being pressed and made to look like pills you would get from a pharmacy but only to contain pure illicit fentanyl. My son did not show any signs of substance abuse or addiction. They day we found out my son was experimenting was the day I got the worst call of my life. I ask any child who reads this I promise you taking pills or any drug is not worth it especially if you don’t know where it came from. Drugs don’t pick and choose who they’re going to take and unfortunately his first time was his last. Please don’t make that mistake don’t have your parent experience the same pain I am experiencing. I promise you it’s not worth it. Enjoy your childhood enjoy being a kid you have so much life to live and unfortunately my son’s was cut short. All I have now are the memories.

Show your kids. Have them read it out loud at dinner, tonight.

[alschterin]

i forgive you, for you have not learned of love

demons are of the angel stock. with one significant difference: they know nothing about love. specifically, crowley knows nothing of it.

that's why he calls aziraphale his best friend, that's why his confession lacks "i love you", that's why his kiss is so awkward, so desperate and so, well, so more of a physical gesture than a sensual, heartfelt, romantic admission of love. he has no clue. he saw humans kiss to make peace, to make war, to make up, as hello and goodbye, as "please stay", "please don't leave me", but he has no clue how to do it properly or what emotions to put into it so it counts. he has no clue if what he feels could be love, he has no clue what love is at all.

why?

he fell before love got its deadline. he fell before humanity could develop and put any sense into what love is, be it though duels and wars for the hand of the chosen one, or through the plague of loss, or through poetry.

crowley put his hands to creating a universe, a vast, enormous, timeless, ineffable being that lives and pulses of its own accord. it's filled with opportunities, with so much to learn, to traverse, to study, but most of all, it is, just as him, immortal.

him and aziraphale are on the opposite sides for crowley took care of what is, since its beginning, perfect and, essentially, endless, and aziraphale witnessed the creation of humankind. unavoidably flawed, and utterly fragile. but most of all, finite.

it's been said times and times again that there can be no light without darkness, and no darkness without light, for then, you wouldn't be capable of comparing the two and, thus, you wouldn't be able to fathom either.

love — as much as the life itself, and, strictly speaking, within this context, they are the same very thing, — love can only be fully grasped in the face of grief. life — in the face of loss. pleasure — in face of pain. freedom — in face of a stone tied to your neck, be it proverbial or very much real.

angels, such as aziraphale, can and do feel love on the daily basis. the love of god, the love for god, the love of humans, the love for humans. demons can't. physically. so crowley has no idea.

he only remembers the love of and for god from before his fall, and that love, evidently, was not unconditional. all it took was a couple of questions and an open mind for it to evaporate on the spot, and for crowley to be cast aside, and kicked, rolling, downwards.

unlike aziraphale that has witnessed love — and, most importantly, felt it — through all those millennia of human eras, of human wars, crusades, births and funerals, romances, breakups, hysterias, tragedies, poetry, — crowley saw it as well but could never interpret. he knows he feels something but has no name for it. and no grasp for it.

so when he asked aziraphale to run away to alpha centauri, to abandon a world that has been doomed from the start, aziraphale refused. aziraphale forgave him. for he knew how much more potent and prescious and worthwhile love — and, thus, life — is when it has only a set number of years to exist.

no immortal could truly love their existence without the fear of, someday, being no more. only the deadline of an average lifespan of human beings makes us truly appreciate every moment. "life is too short," they say. and that is exactly the point. life is too short, so we love every love like it is one and only, we live each day — or at least try to — like it's the last one on earth. we fear god [well, some do], but mostly we want to believe in her just to know that this brief and fragile life will not end, not so suddenly. for the same reason, we tend to believe in ghosts, spirits, the afterlife. because life is too short.

aziraphale learned it from humans. he learned to appreciate love — and life — and to strive for it, for there might not be another chance. but most of all, he learned to appreciate humans themselves that, even with the deadline imminently approaching, claw into their lives, no matter how hard or tragic. it is this resilience exactly that makes life so incredibly valuable, and it is something that only humans know of. they fight for their freedoms, even to death, to protect those they love, they sacrifice everything, they unite, they go against forest fires and plagues to carve out just a tad bit more for themselves.

crowley didn't carve out a life for them, or an extension of life, he carved out peace, but that's an entirely different thing. he'd be happy to give up every minor detail just to be lost among stars, beside a being as immortal and timeless as he is himself, but the little details are precisely what makes every day make sense: a glorious sunrise, a choir of birds outside your windows, a scrumptious lunch, a worn out book, dust dancing in rays of sunshine, elegant clothing, refined taste of wine, the time spent with a very short-lived gentle creature, such as a cat or a dog, so you can appreciate the wonders of life just a bit more, while unavoidably getting closer to end every passing day.

crowley wasn't willing to fight for a mortal world, not as hard anyway, because he never really grasped its significance. aziraphale did. and forgave him for not understanding.

perhaps, he wanted crowley to be named angel again so he can, again, feel that love. so he could finally recognize just what is so special about this damned little earth aziraphale holds so dear, and these damned fragile and finite creatures that know of love more than god.

[onebigbroccoli]

As much as I dislike relating to media and or characters - I gotta say to a certain degree I can relate to Simon and have grown a lot of admiration and compassion for him, genuinely want things to work for him which for me its hard to illicit that kind of response from me. I never had a chance to finish the original series without interruption or more of less being told to move onto more adult shows so Ice King wasnt someone I thought I’d ever think this way about - given my attitude back then - like most folks I assumed the relatability to Finn. So much so I had a similar arc of dating someone that was destined to get back together with an ex (Marceline and Bubblegum) even thinking back to that makes me cringe that I was that delusional ANYWAYS: Simon’s self destructive drive to become Ice King is just so tragically beautiful? Its tragedy that has so much light behind Im like a fucking moth to flame here. Cringing again but I feel the same way about my significant other now in the sense that the likely hood of losing them or worse never being able to say goodbye again would drive me down a self destructive route for the sake of others. Obviously I’m reading too far into this shit because I’m a remorseful 30 year old that watched the original series and never gave it any deeper thought until now. Which in light of the passed few years of my life have had me confront my biggest regrets and trying to make things right leading me to post about it on Tumblr dot com for shitty little notifications of validations which I wont get thankfully. Its amazing that a show can make someone look inward and feel more than just the base level of stimuli of entertainment.

Also much like Simon - I got me a redhead at college that I fell in love with over dorky shit too so yeah relatability in media WOO!

[aeruthien]

Thank you @join-the-club-weve-got-jackets for tagging me! I'll just do all of it as well, it's been a while since I've done one of these :D

Three ships (I'll keep it to recent ones, ones on my mind right now):

1) Vaxleth (TLovM). The Legend Of Vox Machina has me back on my bullshit. These two own my heart. The pining. The awkwardness. They are both idiots in love who have too much responsibility put on them, so they find solace in each other. Being able to be silly and stupid with each other makes all the tragedy bearable.

2) Maura x Eyk (1899). What can I say, I can't resist a headstrong woman and her kinda lover who is always on the edge of tears. Goodbye 1899, I loved you while you lasted.

3) Royce Melborn and Hadrian Blackwater - The Riyria Revelations. I'm listening to this audiobook right now and these two are definitely a thing. Edge rogue with his morally decent best bud. Perfect. (Also Royce/Gwen, this is canon and very wholesome, Gwen is the best.)

First ship: I had an awesome Playmobile pirate ship when I was younger! It entertained me for many many hours. But my first ship-ship was probably Kofu and Kiara from Lion King II, when I was about six or seven.

Last song: Fuel to Fire by Agnes Obel

Last movie: Howl's Moving Castle

Currently watching: Critical Role Campaign 3, The Legend of Vox Machina

Currently reading: If audiobooks count, the Riyria Revelation by Michael Sullivan. If not, then The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.

Currently consuming: Home made tomato soup for diner!

Currently craving: chocolate peanuts

[nellie-elizabeth]

Westworld: Que Será, Será (4x08)

It's already the finale, time flies!

Cons:

In many ways this episode almost functioned more as an epilogue, like, it wrapped up elements of the season, but we didn't really learn anything new except that final decision from Dolores. So there were things as I was watching that felt... redundant? Unneeded?

Like, okay, we have another showdown between Charlotte and William. We saw these two fight last week, and this time it's like "hey, round two, with a new winner this time." So it almost made last week's confrontation seem irrelevant, if they were just going to do a round two here. It also stalls out the impact of Charlotte's "death" last week; it's not that we didn't know it would be temporary, but to see her getting back up and getting a cooler more impenetrable body so quickly made the whole thing feel a little pointless.

Then there's Christina making up a black best friend to offer her sage advice? I don't know about that. We basically learn that Maya and Teddy and everyone else we've seen Christina talk to have been figments of her own imagination, her mind's way of processing things so she can wake up and remember the truth of what and who she is. I feel like they wanted there to be some huge impact to the discovery that Christina's roommate was entirely fictional. But I had to look it up to even know this character's name. She had no real personality of her own, so the impact of learning she was fake didn't do anything for me!

Pros:

Despite some problems that stem from the overall pacing of the season, I still did think this was a relatively solid finale.

I haven't talked about the visuals enough this season, probably, but let's just say by and large the visual and special effects go in the "pros" section virtually across the board. It's the uncanny valley horror of Charlotte's skull splitting open on smooth mechanical hinges, it's Teddy inside Dolores/Christina's mind, fizzing out with strange red electrical signals bubbling under his skin. It's the whole opening title sequence, with a synthetic skeleton playing a piano. It's Central Park, it's Times Square, all the strange glitching wonder of the environments and settings. All of that is very cool to see.

I also ultimately enjoyed Hale's fate, that she chooses to pass the mantle, let the story be told by someone else. The pieces of what Dolores once was have splintered into Charlotte Hale and Christina and whatever else, and now we're getting some synthesis, some cyclical storytelling, where as a function of Hale choosing her own end, and Dolores (Christina?) choosing her own continuing, we are seeing how things circle back to the park for which the show is named. It's a cool concept, and it also gives me hope that maybe a fifth (and likely final) season can narrow the scope, keep things where they're more interesting and contained, and give us a satisfactory wrap-up to the proceedings.

While Maya being fictional did nothing for me, I will say that Teddy's presence this season greatly moved me, and the revelation that he's entirely a figment of Dolores's, while unsurprising, was still a bit gut-wrenching. I love the idea of her creating the original park again within the Sublime. It's meta and twisty and circular in a way that this story, a story concerned with the gamification of the human experience, really justifies.

Then we've got the beautiful tragedy of Caleb and Frankie. Stubbs is killed (at least for now) in the escape effort, but an injured Frankie and a slowly dying Caleb manage to escape and get all the way to a boat that is going to take them away from the chaos. But Caleb decides not to come along, given the limited life he has left in his body. Their goodbye is tender and emotional and the perfect kind of cathartic tragedy. What a gorgeous end for Caleb's character, to be able to get this one final dream of seeing his daughter grown up, and be able to help her escape to fight another day.

That's what I've got! I hope that season five of Westworld, should it materialize, will be the show's last. I think this show ultimately suffered from an abundance of ambition, the world-building breaking out of its confinement and taking the story in directions too convoluted to be compelling to me personally. But this season was an improvement on season three, and I think they could stick the landing in an interesting way with one final chance!

8/10

[dungeons-are-too-cold]

My thoughts on Spencer Reid's arc in Criminal Minds and why it pisses me off

I cant be the only person who is pissed at the downward spiral of Spencer's storyline, right? Like I feel like everything from season 11 on has been a fucking mess with his character and they let his plot absolutely tailspin out of control. It's just so sickening to see him not even be able to escape anything tragic or traumatic and life altering happening for like more than an episode or two.

Im pissed that Cat is back. I'm pissed that JJ confessed her love to him. I'm pissed that Gideon died without a goodbye. I'm pissed that his mother got sick, and that Maeve was killed right in front of him, and that he never received any outward support from his team when he was struggling with his addiction, and that the team has been incredibly mean towards him on and off since episode one, and I'm honestly pissed about the way he gets talked about by fans and staff and even MGG.

I can talk for hours on end about how I see so much of myself in Spencer, and how, for most of the show, he was a beacon of hope in. a sense that I could make friends, make family, and be accepted. But this absolute tragedy and chaos of his final seasons just leaves me feeling empty and angry and honestly fucking depressed.

Maybe its because I watched the seasons so fast, I know that this show wasn't meant to be consumed in its entirety over the course of a month, but honestly I don't think it would have changed how upset I am over this. I think its actually would have made me more upset to dedicate so much of my time to the show and the characters for years to just have my favorite completely neglected in terms of happy endings. He doesn't even get a happy beginning, or a happy middle, or happy anything. I'm not trying to say that happy things happening are like normal or expected or anything, but come on. Not a single good thing ever happens and remains consistent in Spencer's life.

I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent angry crying over this, to an unreasonable degree. I don't know why it makes me so upset but it does. maybe I'll delete this rant later cuz maybe i'm being too emotional or whatever, but I'm mad and maybe someone out there can validate my upset idk, idk anything anymore

[daisylikesmedia]

Holiday Special 8: The End of Time Part 2

It never quite sets in until he regenerates, that this is the 10th Doctor’s final episode. Well, until the 60th sfglslgjk but yeah End of Time Part 2. Yesterday’s review showed I wasn’t the biggest fan of the first part, let’s see if the second part can clutch it out.

This episode does start where the other left off, and the first 20 minutes or so I still find to be a lottt, with the focus being on The Master and his new power having control of the entirety of Earth. I kinda don’t wanna mark it down for this cause the episode has to continue this plotline as it’s a part 2, but it’s still a thing that’s irking me. What IS new though, is the return of the time lords. The one shot we get of Gallifrey (sad we didn’t get more sdlkjg) was beautiful with the Dalek shipwrecks scattered around the ruptured city, and Timothy Dalton plays Rassilon so well as this power-hungry commander. 

The Act 2 of this story is kinda mid. Not bad, again we’ve got great moments with Wilf & The Doctor onboard the Vinvocci ship, but the point where this episode shifts from “a fine episode that attempts to make sense of the chaos” to “o dang this is amazing” is when The Doctor falls into the mansion again, and then the episode turns from a kinda goofy Master controls the Earth episode to The Doctor VS The Master VS Rassilon in a 3-man free for all. It’s *high* stakes but not the ridiculously silly kind, and it allows for some amazing character moments. The Doctor shoots the cloning machine thingy to send the time lords back, and then The Master gets his revenge on Rassilon for the drumbeat stuck in his head. It’s a rare instance where we see Simm’s Master and Tennant’s Doctor working together and it’s my favourite Master moment so far, lovely lil bit of character shown there.

The battle ends, both threats gone, and The Doctor survives. The prophecy foretold he would die but he survived. Until we hear those dreaded four knocks, as Wilf is stuck in this radiation machine. It’s a heart-breaking moment, and it’s where once again we get to see the 10th Doctor written as a tragedy. It’s such a unique angle to take The Doctor in and having him whine and moan about having to regenerate is such a difference to how any other Doctor has taken it so far (at least in new who). The way his character shifts from clamouring how he could’ve been “so much more” and how “it’s not fair”, almost like a toddler throwing his toys out the pram, to telling Wilf “it’s an honour” that he gets to be the one to save him. It’s all over the place but for a very clear reason, that The Doctor is now having to face his death. In The Lazarus Experiment, The Doctor echoes the famous quote “This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper”, and the reason I bring this up is it’s exactly how the 10th Doctor’s world ends. After all of the chaos and high stakes clashes this episode has had, it ends with 10 uttering the words “I don’t want to go”. Again, big source of criticism of the show, and may have had a strong role in  me as a child not taking to the 11th Doctor that well, but I like itt c’monn what a way for this tragic character to go it fits SO well.

There are a lot of criticisms that have been given towards the final minutes of this episode, where The Doctor goes and says goodbye to all his friends he’s made during RTD’s era of the show, but I love it for that. These last few minutes are a love letter to this era of the show, to all the amazing characters that we’ve met along the way, and to the world RTD was able to build on as showrunner. If I wasn’t as much of a fan of this era, I’d maybe find it tedious myself, but as you’ve been able to see over these reviews these are series of the show that I cherish with all my heart. I’ve been a fan of this era since I was 7 years old and that’s not going to change anytime soon, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tearing up as The Doctor said goodbye to this era of the show and his life. Magnificent stuff.

TL:DR/Overview: This episode is one with a lot of sentimental value to me. Whilst I still find the first half of the story quite underwhelming, the final 3-way clash between Doctor, Master and Rassilon and the oncoming tragic final act as The Doctor tries to come to terms with his death are just perfect for the character. It gets an A tier from me. Incredibly high highs, but the first half of the story holds it back from S tier.

[mythixprincess]

Feeling emotional....

This year has really sucked for me and my family. The sad thing is its not getting any better. It’s like a never ending storm that keeps releasing deadly cracks of lightning one after the other. Every time I become a little distracted or think that I can get through it, something else has happened. It makes me wonder who I’ve offended that they must make my family and friends suffer. Why must they keep calling down one blow after another. 

First it was my cousin passed away in February a few days before my birthday. Nobody could stop that from happening. He was an alcoholic who lost the war against alcohol. His organs were failing and nothing could be done. I miss him every day. 

Then I lost a good friend of mine unexpectedly. He had a seizure disorder but he always took good care of himself. I believe something happened to him before this last seizure took his life. The hole in my heart grew bigger. The good news is that he became a donor, so there’s hope that his organs may save another life. I miss him so much. At the time I was beating myself up. I could have spent more time with him and his loving wife. We’re all friends and loved to hang out and play games together. I never even got to see their condo they lived in together. The last time I had contact with them was back in 2020. The world had shut down and I was considered an essential worker for working in a grocery store. But I know that everyone has a different road they travel when living. Sometimes our paths crossed and sometimes they didn’t.

The most recent death was of another cousin of mine. Out of the blue he was found dead in his apartment. He was only 4yrs older than me. It hit very, very close to home. He was in the Coast Guard and died shortly after July 4th. His mother is looking for closure and hopefully the autopsy will tell us more. Yet again, I had to say goodbye to another family member. 

Then one of my uncles finally revealed the truth that he has been diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. His wife several years ago is a survivor of breast cancer. I hope he can get through his chemo and also be a survivor as well. It’s a little baffling that he has no other symptoms aside from being unable to swallow his food.

The most recent thing that has happened is my brother’s good friend is going to have spinal surgery and it’s unclear if he will come out of it alive or not. He called my brother and his other friend to say goodbye and that he loved him. I’m hoping that his surgery is a successful one and he will be able to attend my brother’s wedding in November. I also hope that he won’t have any side affects such as being paralyzed for the rest of his life. 

The saying is true about an hour glass. It’s glued to the table so we can’t turn it over to give ourselves more time. We can only stand there and watch the sand fall through reliving all of our memories. So far from January until now I have no idea how I’ve been able to cope with reality. All I know is my anxiety has never been worse than it has this year. To the point that panic attacks aren’t strangers to me anymore like they used to be. 

Please no more tragedy. My family and friends need a break. I need a break.