#media sites + just how the actual media is handling this is just odd??

[sadgirlautumn]

Your last set of tags...100% agree. I just wish it stayed about the music (and tour), y'know? I honestly am not super interested in TK, he seems nice, that's nice. Good luck to them. And genuinely the songs could be about whoever, I'm just interested in the way they sound and how they're crafted. Sometimes people's reactions just veer too far into gossip fodder for my taste. I like Taylor, I think she's talented, I love how her brain works to make these songs, but I'm not interesting in analysing her every move and analysing her every move like a character in a tv show.

You said it so well! We have so much to talk about but it always seems to circle back to her current or previous relationships. Don’t get me wrong her and TK have their cute moments but it’s weird that some people have to analyze every part of his life too now that he’s dating her. It just feels like an invasion of privacy even if the stuff that they are looking into is technically “public” that doesn’t mean that it needs to be over analyzed to see if he’s hiding a ring shaped box in his pocket or something. 😭

I remember I saw someone say a few months ago that “newer swifties wouldn’t have been able to handle Taylor’s relationships prior to Joe” and I feel like that is true for me because I joined tumblr during the drought right when Taylor and Joe had started dating and as I said since he was so private he wasn’t constantly giving the fans new things to talk about so I never realized how intense this fandom could be about her relationships until I got a little sampling of it with how people treated Jake during red tv and now with everything that happened in 2023.

I think why it’s been getting to me so much recently is i didn’t realize how much I didn’t like gossiping about this stuff until this past year because it didn’t seem like a big part of swiftie culture since when I joined it was just an occasional joke about a guy she dated a few years ago. I miss when we had silly little nights playing games (which we still do occasionally) and when people would write essays about a single song lyric. It just makes me sad to see some people I follow not be as active because the gossip gets too much. Myself included, i purposely tried to keep myself busy on Sundays so I wouldn’t get annoyed at people for having fun on tumblr dot com. (Which is another thing: I really see both sides to this because the people who want to talk about TK want to have fun and so do the people who don’t want to talk to him. I also think people are trying too hard to label people who agree or disagree with talking too in depth about it but everyone’s different so it winds up just being something to make people who already agree with you feel better rather than solve an actual problem that’s sort of unsolvable.)

To summarize: certain aspects of her personal life are always going to be relevant to the art she creates and can add layers or change perspectives by knowing certain things. But to dwell on them and act like the only interesting thing about her is her relationships just makes me sad.

[sentientcave]

WAIT WAIT WAIT i need to hear about the 141 paranormal investigators omg???

OKAY SO

Basically it's like, a non-military AU where they have a youtube channel and investigate haunted places and look for cryptids and junk. Ghost is the camera/editing guy, Gaz and Johnny handle social media and are the primary faces, and John is a professor of Mythology and Folklore on extended leave that became a permanent fixture after they interviewed him too many times. They're on an American road trip, and they chance upon a hidden town full of actual supernatural people and creatures. Cue shenanigans while the townspeople try not to get caught on camera. Also they meet a hot witch who runs the B&B (the only place to stay in town).

Here's some of all this silliness:

“Relax, Soap.” Price used his stern teaching voice, the one that could command a rowdy hall of college students (most of whom were only taking his class because they thought it would be an easy credit) to be quiet and pay attention. “If we get lost you’ll get to gloat about bein’ right, how about that?”

“Rather no’ get lost, but Ah suppose it’ll do.”

Simon and Gaz exchanged a look, both of them trying not to laugh. They were an odd bunch, by any metric. Gaz had started a youtube channel reviewing local businesses around Manchester while he was attending university, which is where he had met Simon (Or Ghost, as he had introduced himself back then), who had been the butcher at a shop Gaz wanted to review. Ghost had been told to give Gaz a tour, so he had, reluctantly, and Gaz had gone home later that week to find Ghost sitting in front of his computer, editing the video.

“You do shite work,” he’d said, the only explanation he had offered for his presence in Ga’s apartment. “Fine substance, but terrible camera an’ editin’.”

And well, Ghost’s video had done a lot better than any of Gaz’s previous ones, so he’d asked him to continue. Ghost suggested moving on to different content as well, to exploring some of the spookier sites around Manchester (Of which Ghost seemed to be intimately familiar, unnervingly enough), and they had interviewed Price a few times to give the videos an air of legitimacy, since he was a professor of mythology and folklore at Gaz’s university.

Johnny had been their missing link, however. They’d gone to do a video in Glasgow, and kept running into him everywhere they went. He’d provided some useful local knowledge, and had a channel of his own, where he mostly blew stuff up and did parkour around the city. The Glasgow videos all went viral, and the channel suddenly became something they could potentially throw themselves into doing on a more full time basis.

Price, chafing at the routine of teaching, asked to join them on a more permanent basis as well. And since he had the two things that the rest of them lacked (A car and a savings account), they agreed. That had been four years ago. And somehow, it was working. They weren’t exactly making a lot of money, but they were getting by, and Price had written and published two new books, using their travel and research to pad out what might have otherwise been dry, academic work.

Simon flicked the radio back on, the van filling with the sharp sound of static. They’d lost their last station somewhere along the drive. He fiddled with the tuner until an upbeat, overly patriotic country song came in clear.

Gaz made a disgruntled sound in the backseat. He’d made his disdain for country music clear somewhere back in California.

“Just tryin’ to get a traffic report. Untwist your knickers, Gaz.”

“If we’d stayed on the main road we’d no’ need a report.” Johnny could never stop himself from throwing in his two pence. “We’d be in it.”

Price reached over for the volume, and turned up the music, drowning them out as one song switched to the next.

[fushipurro]

In the Shadows of Love

Chapter 4 - Debut

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☆ Content: 18+ MDNI, depression, insecure/intrusive thoughts, angst, mentions of alcohol

☆ Word Count: 7.3k

The day you’ve been dreading has come at last.

The week leading up to now has been miserable to say the least, with one thing happening after another. Not only that, but your sleep has been suffering as well. A few times you struggled to keep your eyes open, and then other moments you powered through the day only to stare wide-eyed at the ceiling begging for sleep to come.

You can only hope the few hours of sleep you did manage to get will be enough for the day to come, and that the bags under your eyes aren’t too noticeable. It’s one thing to be a regular model, but another to handle the business side of it as well. But after today, you’ll have the respite your body craves.

When morning arrives, you take a nice long everything shower to prepare yourself for the day ahead. The rest of your looks are to be handled by professionals on site – makeup included. Hence why all you need to do is come dressed in the epitome of casualwear. You’ll be changing into a dozen outfits throughout the shoot, so no sense in wearing the fanciest your closet as to offer.

A message appears on your phone from the taxi service waiting on you outside. With your purse in hand, you kiss Tsumiki goodbye, and make your way out the building. It’s odd walking around at this time of day, where normally you’re sound asleep while others move to and fro with their lives.

You get to your ride without issue – aka, no neighborly conversations – and settle into the backseat of the car. From there, you keep your eyes to the world around you, silently screaming the longer it takes to get to your destination. At this point you just want to get it over and done with to get back to the sanctity of your home for some much-needed relaxation.

You pity the driver for having to put up with the incessant bouncing of your legs and the tapping of your fingers, but until the day is over, you won’t know peace.

It all feels so much more real once the site of the shoot comes into view. It’s a luscious garden park, packed to the brim with various scenery. You’re able to see the crew hard at work in setting up the area, and even more as the car comes to a stop for you to make your entrance, truly setting the day in motion.

For a while, you weren’t sure who you were even going to be working with today. A part of you hoped it might be Mei Mei, or one of the other female models to help you feel more at ease. Girls stick together, being the motto you cling to, hoping the other party would feel the same about you. You’re told however that you’ll be modeling with none other than the Satoru Gojo.

A legend in this field, a star above them all, like Polaris of the northern skies.

He’s a man with perfectly white hair – which seems like a recurring theme when you look at Mei Mei or her younger brother from the same company – and eyes that put the brilliance of sapphires to shame. The rest is all in his genes and the physique he’s sculpted over years of hard work and discipline.

You’ve been a long-time follower of his on social media, amazed by how effortless he makes modeling appear. His high energy, charismatic personality he shows off online is another appeal. A social butterfly, an extroverted type you sometimes wish you could be like.

By all means, that should make you feel better about working with him today, but you’d argue it makes it that much worse.

Does meeting your heroes ever go well for anyone?

Is it worth potentially ruining the image you’ve cultivated in your head from their online presence versus the actual knowledge you get from meeting them in public?

At the end of the day, who knows? You’re about to find out one way or another, so let’s hope he’s one of the good ones.

They chose a beautiful venue for the magazine, as the park is heavily adorned in trees showcasing the vibrant warm colors autumn has to offer. The main shooting area is set around a large fountain where you can make out all the crisp leaves floating like petals in the spring. Close to the park is a spot in town filled with more historic buildings, works of architectural genius you admire like it’s a game of The Sims. It makes the perfect location for the looks you’ll be showing off.

Your eyes eventually land on none other than your boss/agent/manager – whatever you want to call him, Kento Nanami.

He’s been there for you since day one, acting in whatever role he needs to be for you to succeed in the business. At his side are a few other men and women, nearly all familiar faces from the meetings you’ve had or profile pictures, courtesy of their email accounts.

You approach the group with your hands folded neatly in front of you, trying to discretely rub away the clammy texture of your palms. Handshakes are inevitable, so you might as well be prepared now.

The blond calls out your name as you step closer, “Glad you could make it, we’re almost ready to begin.” His face remains calm, appearing professional as ever, but there’s a hint of a smile surfacing at the edges of his lips.

One of the men in the group stretches his hand out for what you’ve been expecting, and you cautiously oblige. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person,” he states with your name punctuating his words. “I’m Masamichi Yaga, Satoru’s manager. We’re looking forward to working with you today.”

You have to say, while he seemed overly serious and admittedly scary online, and even now in person with his rigid stature, it’s different up close. Seeing him here, shows you that – while serious, yes, there’s a friendly undertone to the man. A panda, one might compare him to. Still classified as a bear with the claws to show for it, but one you could hug and come out unscathed.

You manage to get your words across through shaky breaths, a semblance of your composure, “Thank you, the pleasure is all mine.”

“Satoru hasn’t arrived yet, but you should go and get started with the makeup artist,” Kento informs you. There’s a disgruntled tone in his voice at the mention of the model, and it reminds you of how he sounded during that meeting you were late for at the start of this all.

It’s not often you hear your boss annoyed with someone; another reason you feel lucky to work under him. He’s always fair to you and others, and never the type to berate his fellow employees. Overtime is few and far, one that he has little tolerance for.

“Right away, Mr. Nanami.” You bow to the group, taking your leave with an anxious strut. Once you’re far enough way, you let out the breath you’ve been holding, regaining yourself with a quick calming exercise.

Getting your hair and everything done happens to be one of your favorite parts of modeling. Your biggest task is merely to sit in a chair in silence, letting the artists work you from a blank canvas to a completed piece.

What could be better for someone socially inept?

This wasn’t the usual artist that does your work, so either they’re with the partner agency or some other sponsor judging by the matching brands in their setup. You’re tense as they work, eyes closed and all, with a sense of dread bubbling in your gut.

A pat on your shoulder startles you after some time, jolting you in your seat much to the artist’s dismay. “Hey there! You must be Nanamin’s protégé,” he chirps while bright blue eyes stare eagerly into yours, piercing what feels like straight to your soul.

“Protégé?” you question with a meek sounding tone.

He doesn’t satiate your curiosity on the matter, instead opting to introduce himself, “I’m Satoru, it’s nice to meet you.” The man smiles, taking a seat in the chair next to yours confidently.

“Likewise, looking forward to working with you,” you respond, your eyes unmoving from his direction.

His makeup artist comes over and begins their work, though there’s not much of anything that needs to be done, given how naturally blessed he is in the looks department. There’s not a single speck or blemish that tarnishes his skin, so the most he gets are a few highlights here and there and something to add a bit of a sparkle around his celestial bodies for eyes.

It wouldn’t surprise you if each had their own name depending on his level of vanity. Perhaps Sirius and Regulus would be most suited for him, in your opinion.

Then again, you can also name about four other blue-burning stars off the top of your head. But, since only two lie in front of you, you’ll just have to go with the ones that outshine the rest.

It haunts you that one of your first thoughts meeting him is one built on envy – annoyed that you feel the need to compare your appearance to him. There are a dozen reasons you chose to become a model, none of which involved the crippling self-loathing that comes when it starts to feel like a competition.

May the prettiest one win, some might say.

You wonder that if in another life, if you were born with all the features you desire and deem attractive, if you would be better off. Able to live life without fear of not being enough, never having to second guess yourself in the mirror you so wish to send your fist through on a daily basis.

Would you be happy then?

Would you finally be loved?

Suddenly, your vision meets cyan once more. Shit, how long have you been staring?

“You ever been on a magazine cover before?” he asks, oblivious to the turmoil you face in your head.

Of course not. “No, I haven’t. This is my first time.”

He makes a noncommittal hum in response, and you feel his gaze turning intrusive by the second. Not in a creepy way – no, more like he’s reading you, thinking hard about something unknown to you. “That’s surprising for a protégé of Nanamin… What do you normally do then?”

You aren’t sure whether to question his continuous use of that nickname for your boss or why he believes you to be some apprentice to him, but for now you choose to ignore it, answering, “Commercial modeling, but I do more marketing than anything, really.” Your tone makes it appear as though it’s unimpressive, and sometimes you do feel that way. “More ‘behind the scenes’ work.” You add, shrugging nonchalantly after.

“Wait till this magazine drops, you’ll be getting this many new calls,” he drawls with a show of his hands to emphasize his point.

Your eyes drift away with a subtle roll to them. Yeah, we’ll see about that.

Of the many reasons you became a model, fame and fortune were never the goal either. Sure, being popular enough to maintain a stable influx of opportunities is favorable, but you don’t desire runway status. Cheers to the ones that do want it, but that isn’t you.

Satoru doesn’t push more conversation after. In fact, about a minute later he’s up and out of the chair, all finished with the minimal detailing necessary to make his features pop.

Your artist continues their work for a while after, with a hair stylist now with you as well, and only then were you permitted to finally go and get changed in one of the areas provided for the models.

Of everything today has had to offer so far, the scariest bit has to be the clothing rack, by far. As expected of a high fashion company, what lies on the hangers are nothing short of expensive. One piece of fabric alone costs about as much as a few months’ worth of rent, if that.

You were fitted into the first of several outfits to come, terrified the whole way through if something were to potentially rip and have to come out of your own pocket as punishment. While that’s never happened, there’s a first time for everything. Please don’t be today.

On the way out of the room, you make it your forefront thought to avoid the mirror calling out to you like a siren lulling you to your demise. All it would take is one look to have you ensnared, or rather petrified.Turned to stone by your gaze alone, picking apart every little detail to ruin whatever façade you try and hold for the cameras that await.

Satoru is already at the fountain when you arrive, waving as you fall into his orbital pull. His signature sunglasses do little to hide the glimmer of light behind them, but the smile plastered across his face burns equally bright to compensate anyways.

“Don’t you look nice?” he muses, letting his shades fall further down the bridge of his nose while his head angles down. “That outfit suits you quite a bit.”

Under normal circumstances, a blush might try to form along your face. Maybe if it was Toji –but then we’d be getting off track. The main feeling that plagues you in this moment is that of being out of place; a rock amidst a pile of a perfectly cut diamonds.

Pluto, blending in amongst the other eight planets, yet still shunned if we’re keeping to celestial themes.

At best, you might compare to an opalite crystal. Pretty – yes, but ultimately glass at the end of the day. Your hues can be manipulated, carefully crafted to ascertain a certain degree of beauty. But all it takes is one wrong move to scratch or shatter you and then all that effort was for naught.

A pile of shards no more worthy than dust.

“Nanamin!” The man in front of you bellows out with joy, snapping you from your solemn reverie. He throws his arm over the blond’s shoulders in a casual manner, eliciting a groan from the latter. “It’s been too long! Why don’t you come around more often?”

“It’s been one week, Gojo.” His response is monotone, and his arms are kept folded in front of his chest as he tries to maintain an air of indifference.

“Aww, come on, don’t be like that.” Satoru visibly frowns, puffing out his cheeks.

Choosing to ignore more of his bantering, Kento’s attention turns to you while simultaneously addressing the other, “If you’re both ready, we can get started.”

The moment of truth.

You give him a thumbs up and a forced smile better described as a fine line. Kento shrugs himself off Satoru, stepping close enough to place a hand over your shoulder with a reassuring grip. “Try to relax, and do your best,” he nearly whispers with a fatherly tone melding within his words, “You’re more than ready for this.”

And with that, the photoshoot officially begins.

With a few calming breaths later and those words of assurance playing back in your head, your façade is up and at the ready the moment the cameras start flashing.

Pose after pose, you work in tangent with Satoru while the crew fires off their instructions for the perfect photos. His playfulness is still apparent ─ albeit reigned in. It’s now more in a way that comes across as him wanting to get a reaction out of you. Like he knows you have a proverbial mask on, playing it off as stoicism. Maybe those eyes see more than you realize.

Of course he’s not only good looking, but an exceptional model to match. He doesn’t need to try so hard to give the people what they want. Compliments are showered upon him, yet narcissism doesn’t appear to be a high point in his personality when it all-too-easily could.

Rather, he seems more uncaring to the simple words of praise. Finding more joy in doing whatever feels best in the moment with unrivaled confidence.

You don’t mean to sound bitter and cold. Jealousy just so happens to be an emotion so deeply rooted that if you try to pry it away, it would be no different than grasping a bed of thorns with the palms of your hands. A weed that you can never fully eradicate.

All you want is to feel happy ─ pretty, not so much wanted as a desire to be enough.

It’s easy to be affected by the words of others. For every bit of kindhearted justification you hear, it’s one step towards helping you be able to tell yourself the same things. To get to a point where you can finally feel satisfied with yourself. To never have to ask if you’re even worthy of being alive when you feel so lacking.

That’s why when the cameras come on, you envision exactly what it is you so desperately wish to be. A picture speaks a thousand words. If so, then you hope the ones from today tell the story you dream about in your head each night as you drift away to sleep.

Modeling for you was always about finding that confidence in yourself. To see yourself in the eyes of others, proving that by having this title in life, you can make it a reality that perhaps yes, you are pretty.

You can be anything and everything you want to be.

The action carries on throughout the day with intermittent breaks in between outfit changes and other touchups to your hair and makeup. You have your moments of conversation with the marketing team and crew, sometimes making more effort to discuss what needs to be done over actually utilizing the short bit of time to rest and recoup.

Contrary to what might be popular belief, as a model ─ you aren’t there to stand and look pretty for the cameras. You’re not there to stand for a total of five minutes and then go home rich. It’s dedication and hard work to present the perfect image of yourself for the rest of the world to see.

You may be there waging one-sided wars in your head the entire time, but you still put your all into what you do. Perfection is a journey with an impossible destination, but nevertheless, it’s still the path you’ll traverse.

At the end of the day when the skies morph into a lovely collage of orange and pink hues and the final few photos are taken, you return to the dressing room to shed the covers of imitated beauty. Before that happens, you make the mistake of letting the mirror pull you in, too exhausted to otherwise fight the Damocles sword that hangs right there waiting.

The reflection in the glass is indeed you, but at the same time it’s not. A stranger in your own skin. More likely what the cameras outside were capturing away. The performance you gave that stemmed from a number of fantasies for all the “what if?” life scenarios.

She’s beautiful, you think, admiring the glow of her skin from the sheen of sweat.

Like lipstick on a pig, another half of you cackles, burning holes in all your self-deemed imperfections.

The makeup’s not bad like you originally thought it might be, but it’s also not your usual preference, and greatly overdone. Almost like an attempt to paint you anew. A coverup to an already stained canvas.

Nothing you do is ever enough to vanquish the perpetual tempest that encircles your mind, trapping you beneath torrential thoughts of insecurities. Telling yourself in the mirror you’re pretty doesn’t do anything either, not when you can’t bring yourself to believe it. To you, that’s just one big lie and you can’t stand liars.

It’s even worse when the clothes come off and it’s now just you in your natural form. A cruel reminder to the lengths you have to go to feel redeemable. Even if you told yourself earlier that luxury isn’t you, it sure does a good job at making you feel like someone you’re not. Sometimes that’s a refreshing change.

You eventually finish changing back into the clothes you arrived in, exiting the room with your phone in hand. Your sanctuary awaits, and you’re more than ready to get back to the only place you find solace in. You’re quickly reminded that fate is a fickle thing, always weaving you in a web of red string when you hear the calling of your name. The sound draws your attention upwards to the ever-cheerful man skipping your way.

“Yo!” Satoru waves to you gleefully. “What do you think about going out to celebrate our first gig together over some drinks?” he inquires with expectant eyes that border on looks a puppy might give.

Confusion bubbles up, mixing with your avoidant nature to make a cocktail poisonous only to you if you allow it. Why would someone like him want to go out with someone like you?

“That’s okay, I’m sure you must be tired after today,” is what you respond with. Not a total lie, but it gives you a way out even if it means drinking from the tainted cup of emotions.

“Nonsense, I could keep going for hours!” he refutes with never faltering amusement. “Think about it!” he further begs, with the front of his hands pressed together. “I invited some others too, so it’ll be a whole group of fun!”

Why did I even agree to this…

You’ve been following slightly behind Satoru for several blocks on aching feet from a day of standing in heels. Trying to keep up with his long-legged strides proves difficult, but not impossible. The sunset skies have dimmed, now replaced by the neon lights of the downtown area. It has its beauty, but it can’t compare to the lights of the natural sky.

He stops abruptly in front of a brick building, almost causing you to crash into him. “We’re here!” he cheers, all while you’re immediately taken aback by the sign hanging above the doorway: Star Plasma.

Toji’s workplace.

Your neighbor’s been on your mind sporadically throughout the day. Between Kento’s words and that of Toji’s from the week prior, they’ve helped to keep you afloat in a river of self-loathing.

Inside the club, you’re met with various velvet-lined booths in every direction and a crowd of people filling the space. At the center lies a large, oval-shaped bar too swarmed with patrons to make out if Toji is among the ones working this very night.

The atmosphere and overall design of the place bear a resemblance to that of a strip club, although it lacks the trademark poles on stages deemed for entertainment. That section is occupied with instruments currently not in use. There are some other rooms in the back, but their designated uses remain unknown at this time.

“Over here!” Satoru calls out your name, reminding you of why you’re here to begin with.

He leads the way back to a booth where two others sit in waiting. One is man heavily adorned in ink from what you can make out. His long, silky black hair is half tied up in a bun that reveals the large piercings settled in his ears. The other is a woman with mid-length brown hair and familiar shades of purple beneath her eyes, evident of a lack of sleep you know all too well. She nestles a glass in her hand, its contents another mystery to you.

The two of them you recognize from posts on Satoru’s instagram, but anything more eludes you as their profiles are set to private.

Satoru scoots in next to the man and their lips greet each other. “Who’s your new friend?” The black-haired one questions, looking you over with a curious eye. You aren’t sure how to act, and thus are awkwardly standing at the edge of the booth.

“The model I was working with today,” Satoru introduces with a telling of your name. His hands raise to gesture to those at his side. “This is Suguru, my boyfriend, and our third wheel, Shoko!”

“Your third wheel wants another drink, Satoru,” she scoffs, flashing an empty glass in front of his face. “These are going on your tab for being late, by the way.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Satoru waves her off, placing his focus back on you. “What do you want to drink?”

“Oh, uh–“ Now you look even more awkward than before. “I’ve never had alcohol so I’m not sure…” Your voice lowers gradually by the end of your sentence.

The three look to you with equal levels of shock. “Leave it to me then!” He beams, pressing a fist to his chest. He slips out of the booth making his way to the bar.

You watch him leave before feeling a hand tugging at your wrist. “Come on, sit down!” Shoko beckons, urging you to sit at her side. You take her up on it, fidgeting with your hands underneath the table to ease the nerves. It’s been years at least since you last had a sit-down like this outside of work. How are you supposed to act?

“It’s nice to meet you,” Suguru breaks the ice with Shoko following in turn with the same greeting.

Your body involuntarily tenses up as you become aware to how their eyes are examining you. “Y-yeah, nice to meet you as well.”

“Satoru doesn’t typically invite coworkers out, have you two known each other for long?” the man interrogates, though his demeanor is rather friendly. If anything, there’s more of a protective hint to his words.

While shaking your head, you reply, “No, we just met earlier today.”

“Word of advice ─ run,” Shoko snickers, earning a disapproved glare from Suguru. “I’m kidding,” she follows up, drawing out her words playfully. “But seriously, don’t be afraid to tell him ‘no’ to anything you’re not comfortable with. He can be a lot to someone not used to him, but he means well.”

Now this is a perfect example of one of those girls you know you can rely on to have your back. You don’t have any issues with Satoru, but it still makes you happy to feel like someone’s looking out for you.

It wasn’t long after that Satoru returns, skillfully balancing several drinks in hand. Sake for Suguru, whiskey for Shoko, a very colorful ─ no doubt fruit flavored cocktail for himself given the smell, and lastly, a margarita for you. The group demands a small toast “To friendship!” Satoru remarks before your glasses all meet in the middle.

One by one, they each take sips from their respective cups while you’re more occupied with swirling the thin straw around your drink. The smell is…unique, more pungent than anything. If you close your eyes, it almost smells like lemonade which you can enjoy, until that first sip hits your tongue.

Then it’s just harsh and bitter instead of sour or sweet.

The three watch in earnest at your first step into the world of alcohol, remembering their own experiences while your face scrunches up in disgust. Shoko pats your back soothingly to help you through the coughing fit as it took everything in you to not gag and embarrass yourself.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the taste the more you drink,” Satoru muses. But honestly, how does anyone like this stuff, let alone to come back for more? “I invited Nanamin too, but he turned me down by saying he’s busy like always,” he adds with an obvious pouty face.

Shoko sighs, “Did you forget how much of a workaholic he is?”

“Speak for yourself, but you still came!” he retorts with a simpering smile.

She then points an accusative finger at him. “I’m not turning down alcohol, especially when you’re footing the bill.”

“Oh, is that right?” he sarcastically replies, “Don’t act like you don’t love us, Sho.”

“Even if Heaven and Earth turned upside down–“

“Now, now,” Suguru intervenes like that of a scolding mother. “Let’s not frighten off our new friend here.”

The two mumble apologies even though you can’t help the joy that bubbles up. Being a third or fourth wheel can have its issues at times ─ namely if you’re being excluded from the group ─ but sitting back and watching them banter away is plenty enjoyable for you.

One comment they made however caught your attention. “You guys know Mr. Nanami?”

“Sure do!” Satoru chirps, more than happy you asked. “The four of us went to school together and after graduation, Nanamin and I ended up in the modeling business. It wasn’t until a few years ago he decided to take up a managing role. Not sure why, he was doing just fine.” He shrugs.

Disbelief hits you like a high-tide wave. “He was a model?”

“You didn’t know?” Your question apparently astonishes him. He pulls his phone out, swiping through it a few times before passing it to you from across the table. “I’m surprised you didn’t know, what with you being his protégé and all.”

“I don’t know about protégé, but…” your voice trails off as you examine the pictures. Sure enough, these photos are indeed your boss, varying from tourism magazines to modeling business suits from highly reputable designers.

The notion that he was a model isn’t farfetched; it’s a thought that’s crossed your mind a dozen times given his handsome looks. Having the confirmation now with physical proof to back it up has your mouth held agape at the newfound information.

“He never mentioned any of this to me before,” you murmur.

“I’m not shocked,” Suguru chimes in. “Kento’s always been more reserved when it comes to himself.”

“Are you two in the industry as well?” You direct your question to Suguru and Shoko who look back with raised eyebrows that border on amusement.

Satoru decides to be the one to answer in place, “Nope! Suguru here is a tattoo artist, and Shoko’s a doctor.”

Suddenly, the plethora of tattoos make a whole lot more sense. That, and Shoko’s eyebags. Your eyes wander to the art you can see around the revealed sections of the upper half of his body. They range from subtle beauty to grotesque in nature, the majority being creatures straight out of folklore but more imaginative ─ the product of nightmares, more or less.

The trail of ink stops just short of his jawline, but that alone leads into how he styles himself with piercings. There are the obvious black pearls on the lobes, but he also has one right through his eyebrow. As he speaks, there’s even a glint of one on his tongue and who knows where else.

“Like what you see?” Suguru purrs and your eyes snap up to meet his golden-brown gaze. He tries to show off more from his arms, as much as his current clothes will allow, and your favorite might have to be the rainbow dragon stretching from his neck to somewhere beneath his shirt.

You retreat to your drink, only for the bitter taste to remind you of its existence. “Y-yeah, they look really nice,” you tell him with the hint of a blush.

Shoko takes to lightly smacking his shoulder, falling into the effects alcohol has to offer. “Looks like you finally found a fan of your twisted style, Suguru.”

“Hey, what about me?” Satoru frowns, wanting some of his own attention from you. “What did you think about today? Those clothes were great, huh? I might have to buy some for later.”

Your eyes can’t help but fall to your lap as the memory resurfaces of your earlier turmoil. You’ll admit that it went better than expected, and you’re glad it’s over with now, but as always, you’re left to deal with the aftermath of the storm.

“You looked amazing!” You exclaim, and you’re not at all lying. “Perfect for the magazine.” Him, not you.

“Right? I loved that outfit you had on–“

Satoru continues to talk but there’s a buzz that forms in your ears, separate from the music of the club that keeps you from understanding anything other than your own mind. It feels as though your stomach is being twisted into knots and the earlier tension hits you in full once again.

You still don’t understand why they wanted you so bad for this, and to pair you up with such a highly regarded model.

Your follower count is nothing close to his; you’re practically a nobody. It could have been done out of pity, those two are friends after all. Maybe it could’ve been a way to shame you, to prove to you that–

“Helloooo?”

“Huh? Sorry?”

“There you are, almost thought the alcohol finally started to get to you.” Satoru smirks, leaning back in his seat. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna go use the restroom.” You force a smile as you stand, picking a random direction to walk in. “I’ll be right back!”

Your back’s turned before they even have a chance to respond. It took a bit of searching, but eventually you found the bathroom, slipping your way inside. You can’t help but idle in front of the mirror, staring at yourself in the reflection. There are some stray hairs to tame and running makeup to fix, but all in all, you aren’t sure what else you have left to feel.

It's likely all the lack of sleep is finally catching up on you. Being overly exhausted never does any favors as the tired mind can be quite cruel, hence you teetering on the edge of breaking down in tears.

At least when you return home to Tsumiki you’ll feel better. Your sweet little girl that helps give you a reason to keep going despite it all. The earnings from this photoshoot will do nicely in affording some fresh new toys to pamper her with, and you find yourself growing impatient to see her.

You leave the bathroom with a more freshened mind and a goal in sight, but you’re stopped short of your return to the booth when your name is called in a familiar baritone tune. Its source ─ your one and only neighbor, perched over the counter, shining away at some crystal.

“Hi Toji,” you greet, coming up to the empty barstool in front of him. “I didn’t know you were working tonight.”

You also didn’t expect to see how polished he looks while on the job. Here, you find him in black dress pants, a white button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, some silver hardware, and half his bangs smoothed back. If it weren’t for him being behind the counter all dolled, you’d peg him as a bouncer the way his muscles are straining.

“Should’ve told me you wanted to come by, I’d have offered a ride.”

“Oh, I’m actually with a group right now.” You look towards your booth where Satoru has his hands in the air, wildly gesturing for whatever they’re conversing about.

Toji follows your eyes with recognition. “Ah, that kid,” he teases, acting as if he’s not right there in age with all of you. “Had me make that unicorn jungle juice shit for him. How he’s not overdosing on sugar is beyond me.” He rolls his eyes before meeting yours once again.

His quick-witted tongue leaves you giggling, proving to be just what you needed to relax. “Yeah, he invited me here after we finished that photoshoot I mentioned before, and I couldn’t exactly say no, so…here I am.” You laugh again, but it’s a tad bit dry, given your state of exhaustion.

Looking at him now after the day you’ve had, you find it far too easy to get lost in his green gaze. While there’s no good star you could compare them to, the Earth around you is all you need. From luscious forests to precious metals, jades and emeralds might be the best metaphors. Malachite on the other hand offers a uniqueness suited for this one-of-a-kind man.

They scan you intently, bordering on the same look a Nikon camera offers. A shutter comes in the form of blinks, capturing you to store away in his memory for as long as he can.

“That was today, huh?” He pauses, green ripples softening as pools of black spread outwards. “How’d it go?”

Words are lost on you as you try and piece together what to tell him. A small sliver of you wants to be honest when he’s proven to be a good listener, but you also think he gets enough of that on the job.

“It was…good? Busy, mostly,” you reply, keeping it short and sweet. You can’t imagine how many drunkards come spilling their guts, expecting him to act as their therapist. You don’t want to bring any unnecessary stress to him when he’s trying to pay the bills like anyone else.

“Yeah?” Another patron interrupts before he can continue, forcing Toji to make his order, but not without some cursing spilling from under his breath. When he returns to you, he loses that tension, leaning his forearms against the counter. “You know, I almost didn’t recognize you at first when you were walkin’ by.”

“Because of all the makeup, I guess?” you huff, “Yeah, it’s bad–“

“It’s good,” he cuts you off mid-sentence and you feel your breath hitch. “Different than your usual, but not bad. Not like you need all that to begin with,” he continues without so much as missing a beat, leading you suck your lips inwards in a coy manner.

Toji looks satisfied as he flashes you a pearly white canine beneath his crooked grin. “I take it you’re celebrating then, what did that brat get for you?”

You chuckle at his feigned hostility towards Satoru, knowing full well he’s only kidding around. “I think he said it’s a margarita. I’m not sure though, it’s my first-time drinking.”

His reaction is a lot less surprised than the other three. “How do you like it?”

You snort, “Not great, if I’m being honest. I don’t know how anyone can stomach it.”

“Tell me about it,” he scoffs, raising a hand to gesture in disbelief before dropping it back to the counter with a small thud. “Can’t stand that shit.”

“Huh?” You stare at him, taken aback.

He raises an eyebrow at you in response. “What?”

“Nothing,” you breathe. “Just wondering why you’re a bartender if you hate alcohol that much.”

“Gotta pay the bills somehow, doll.” He winks, the smirk of his returning for a hot second. “If you want, I can make you somethin’ that’s easier to swallow?”

You’re hesitant, but ultimately willing to trust the man and give it a go. “Sure, I’d like that.”

Toji now has a goal in mind to impress you, making this worth your while so that maybe you’ll come back another night.

He reaches under the bar, pulling out an assortment of supplies, gauging what he knows of you to make the perfect drink. You can’t help but be mesmerized by how he mixes everything, verging on being a showoff about it too, but overall similar to how a hibachi grill might perform for patrons.

The difference is, this one is all for you, made special by him.

He empties the contents into a tall, narrow glass, topping it off with a tiny umbrella of your favorite color and a few extra slices of your favorite fruit along the rim. “Enjoy, sweetheart.” He winks again, sliding the liquid potion your way with deft fingers. His confidence is apparent, believing in his skills.

The suddenness of hearing “sweetheart” from the man no doubt has your face feeling warm, complimented by the color of the drink. There’s still some hesitation as you lift it to your mouth, but after one taste, you admit that it’s not so bad ─ better even, compared to the previous concoction. Any tinge of alcohol your palate detects is washed away thanks to the fruity aftertaste and whatever else he threw in.

“So?” he drawls, eager to hear what he already knows is sweet victory.

“It’s…good, I like it, actually,” you tell him with a smile, enjoying another sip after. “What do I owe you for it?”

“For you?” He leans closer, his grin widening. “On the house. Don’t worry about cost tonight.”

“Toji, you cannot keep doing this for me!” you argue, attempting to pull out your wallet when his hand stops you right in your tracks.

“Too bad,” his voice drops to a smooth, gravely tone. He’s fully aware of what he’s doing. “It’s my treat for your celebration,” he chuckles.

You pout. “You’re going to have to let me treat you sometime, you know.” At this rate, you’re going to have to start keeping a list for everything you wish to pay him back for since he won’t ever let you win.

As good of a feeling as it is to be pampered like this, you also don’t want to keep burdening him. It doesn’t matter if he’s the one always offering his kindness, you don’t want him to feel like he has to ─ that you’re not capable of doing this for yourself. 

“Your presence is enough of a treat,” he reassures, “The kid would agree with me.”

In a way, that sounds like Toji actually enjoys spending time with you. In reality, that is exactly what he said, but the thought of someone like him and even his son wantingsomeone like you around is nearly impossible to fathom. Unless of course this is the alcohol already taking affect on your processing and hearing…

Your presence is a treat.

You are wanted.

…That’s what he said.

“Toji! Come here for a sec!” a younger employee at the other end of the bar calls out, earning a grunt from the one in front of you.

“Shit, guess fun time’s over,” he huffs. “If you need anythin’ else, you know where to find me, pretty girl.”

“Thanks, Toji.” You grin appreciatively. “I’ll see you around then.”

“Oh, hey,” he calls out your name as step off from your seat. “Tell me when you’re leavin’, okay? I’ll drive you home.”

You nod in return as you take your leave back to the booth. The trio keeps their eyes on you like ravenous hyenas as you settle back in.

“Soooo,” Satoru drawls with a cheshire grin growing wider by the second. “You wanna tell us what that was about?”

“What?” you question, oblivious to what he means.

“You and the bartender?” he snickers, “The two of you were lookin’ pretty friendly together.”

Shoko scoots closer, noticeably more relaxed and swaying. Her arm wraps around your shoulder, failing an attempt with whispering in your ear, “If you see an opportunity, take it! I can see the heart eyes from here.” Her eyebrows wiggle with a knowing look.

“I-It’s not like that!” you stammer. But is it really? Oh, who are you kidding. It’s becoming harder and harder to deny that you aren’t feeling something for your neighbor. “We live next-door to each other is all,” you mumble, feeling coy.

“Ooh, neighbors to lovers?” Satoru’s gaze inadvertently meets Toji’s from afar before drifting back to yours all full of smug. “Can’t blame you, he is a looker.”

“Satoru.” His teasing laugh turns into a fake yelp when the back of Suguru’s hand meets his chest to reprimand him.

“What, am I wrong? He’s not as good looking as you though, Sugu,” he purrs, lowering his head to the man, bringing a kiss to his cheeks.

“That’s better,” Suguru remarks, casually sipping on his sake.

“Alright, cool it, lover boys,” Shoko sighs, silencing them. She leans her head in your direction, trying to get a better look at the face you’re trying oh so hard to hide. She brushes a few hairs hiding your eyes and you see her own that hold the look of a hungry predator, itching to pounce and sink her teeth into something juicy. In this case ─ your love life. “Tell us everything.” She enunciates each syllable, growing impatient by the second.

“Well…”

☆ Notes: damn the updated version of this is way more fucking depressing LOL I couldn’t help myself but hey, I have PLANS

I guess now would be a good time for me to point out ages so reader would be really early 20s, sashisho + kento and all them mid 20s and then toji just a smidge older, but not too late in the 20s. I just don’t feel like putting established ages on anyone besides the kids since that matters for whatever grade they’re in (ignoring how 6 year old/1st grader megumi is already super independent and talkative)

Originally, I gave Suguru a scar tattoo on his forehead for obvious reasons (not that he is or ever was kenjaku in the OG), but in the restructured version I decided to retcon that bit. I like the idea I see people do instead with kenjaku as an evil twin, but idk if I’ll make that a plot point at this time.

as far as his other tattoos go, i like to imagine it's all styled after the cursed spirits he absorbs in an ukiyo-e style!

[erveinangel]

i think the way retrospringers handle situations is very. odd. YOU KNOW like they seem to.. dogpile. and they treat all (or at least a lot of important) situations as "drama" or someone being cancelled which is very strange to me. like this is actually something that is happening, not some petty drama, you know?? probably just me.

just take care! i totally understand the break from that site!

YOU GET IT !!! it's just generally tiring that they hear about something that should NOT be taken into some stupid fandom drama and do exactly that.

like entirely i do not care if most of the people who've been called out for awful shit has a pink or edgy grayscale layout because THAT IMPRESSION MIGHT BE PRINTED ON NEW BEINGS WITH THAT LAYOUT!!! and while i personally do not care about them, i do NOT want them to deal with something like that!

i do not CARE that you claimed 2 character urls on a pastebin out of spite i do not CARE if you think this person reminds you of how this random character is potrayed in media you are treating this situation as if it was light drama and it genuinely upsets me.

just in general, DO BETTER. take it seriously don't take it as some stupid drama to brag about, i promise, claiming 2 popular characters in the mogai/editblr sphere on a pastebin isn't something to brag about, you're just as, IF NOT, more annoying as everyone else.

[talenlee]

Game Pile: Hinedere Beat

Hinedere Beat And Saying What You Mean

Watch this video on YouTube

Script as follows:

Thinking a lot about words.

Thinking a lot about how we use them.

Thinking a lot about why I don’t use them.

Hinedere Beat is a dreamlike fluid parkour platformer with room-to-room puzzle-solving. It’s in the model of games like Prince of Persia, the original two in 2d, on a computer that is old enough to be mad about how young people are voting. In that particular model of game, levels are sort of labyrinths designed out of puzzles. Each room has some element of an individual problem to solve, but you still need to pick the right path through those rooms, one after another. In the original 80s games, you had to first work out the right place to go, then work out the way to get there without killing yourself.

Hinedere Beat is a little like that, but without so much of the grand labyrinth. Instead, you’re running through a reasonably linear, limited set of rooms which deliberately stop you from getting lost by encouraging you to instead keep going forward, forward, forward, and offers you a story as a way to incentivise that movement. And that story, I liked a lot. You might notice though that I’m just showing you gameplay and not any of the story. I’m not even showing you how this game shows you its story, and intentionally so. This is in part because the story is itself, pretty interesting and easily segregated out from the play experience meaning that you can go into it blind if you want to, but it’s also because it’s horny.

And it’s horny in a really specific way.

And that was one of the words I got thinking about. What is a horny game? In this case it’s a game where there’s a romantic plot, and it plays out and progresses from meeting to kissing to different types of sex – hand stuff if you’re feeling particularly detail oriented. There’s also a delicious dash of what I guess I’d normally call Anime Bullshit if I was trying to be dismissive about it but which serves as more sort of general warning label. Something that’ll surprise you if you’re not familiar with the media form, something forgettable if you are.

It’s horny, but like, the horny is part of the game? It’s not something that comes out of nowhere; a character is pretty forward, but it’s hardly a mystery. It has a feel to me of games from the late 90s that didn’t come with documentation, downloaded off sketchy sites that maybe didn’t work because your operating system couldn’t handle Japanese characters. There’s a characteristic of the visual novel to it, but also of that time of visual novel – where characters spoke in a particular cadence with an oddness to their word choice. I think it was back then that people like me learned a particular kind of roleplayed space aesthetic, with translators striving to represent Japanese sound effects resulting in english text like asterisk-gripping, or open bracket sharp breath close bracket.

Anyway, while there’s a oddness to it, it’s not an odd idea. You go on a date and have sex, it’s just the character of the date that isn’t standard. And that’s where we run into the next word to struggle with.

I hesitate to use the term ‘surreal’ for anything when I’m discussing games. This is not out of any kind of prestige for the term or any deep understanding. It’s actually oufo f the much more mundane and embarrassing reason that I know I don’t know what the term means precisely or meaningfully, and between theatre, film and art, my nerdosphere has people who I am pretty sure will judge me for using the term incorrectly. And hey, why should I use a term I don’t quite understand to invoke something I think I mean? Aside from that being how most language works if you believe Wittgenstein (and I kinda do). Without this word in my repertoire I have to consider what I mean when I try to reach for it.

I heard the term used to describe Inception a lot? And then subsequently, it means ‘like Inception’ to people, which also, funnily enough, often means ‘about the process of making a movie,’ which is what Inception mostly makes me think of. What I think I want to say when I intuitively reach for ‘surreal’ is not an invocation of incoherence, but rather, a description of the Dreamlike.

And, yeah, this game is dreamlike. It begins and it ends with your character waking up or falling asleep and it’s hard to say which and what it means, because the story features things like cybernetically controlled traditional Japanese ghosts, or rewriting your own past, robot drones and also is, again, a date. It’s weird! Pleasantly weird!

Inevitably though in a conversation around this kind of game, there’s another word that comes up, and that is flow. Flow is a term you probably know from this graph, or from someone else in a much more successful channel bringing it up, but its origin point is –

oh god help –

the book Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi. And honestly, I’m sorry about how that sounded, but I’m doing my best. This book is one of those great Games Studies books in that it has an idea in it that lots of people have built out and explored, and stopped reading the second they got to the definition, because the book has some problems.

For you unfamiliar, Flow is a book about ‘flow states,’ which is so much just like being ‘in the zone’ that the wikipedia page lists both on each other’s disambiguation page. Without going in depth on the book, it’s an idea that psychologists and occupational therapists put to some use. Which is great! I’m glad it’s a term that’s useful for considering how people focus. My beef comes later in the book where Mihaly trots out such ideas as:

Part of the answer probably has to do with innate genetic causes. Some people are just temperamentally less able to concentrate their psychic energy than others. Among schoolchildren, a great variety of learning disabilities have been reclassified under the heading of “attentional disorders,”

Where he goes on to describe that people with attention disorders can’t achieve Flow, or True Enjoyment. But don’t worry he also throws people with anxiety conditions in as well, with:

A less drastic obstacle to experiencing flow is excessive self-consciousness. A person who is constantly worried about how others will perceive her, who is afraid of creating the wrong impression, or of doing something inappropriate, is also condemned to permanent exclusion from enjoyment.

It isn’t like Flow is a terrible concept, it’s just that when you read these statements, it kinda makes you wonder what this person knows about psychology at all. People who are anxious and people who are distracted are unable to attain true enoyment, unable to tap into flow states.

But this is also after a chapter in which he describes the ideal of people who do things not because of incentives but because of their entirely focused enjoyment of them. He calls this the autotelic personality. An autotelic personality, according to the book, is someone who is (probably) genetically born to be better at getting into a flow state, capable of discarding unnecessary stimuli to focus intensely on a project, and capable of doing things that may not seem even to be fun to some people purely for their own sake of enjoying the doing itself.

And all this is after he forwards that the Nazis, well, they were probably in a flow state presented to them by the propaganda of the war. It’s also before he suggested an inability to find enjoyment and fun in things was part of how African slaves in the Caribbean died out.

The book is from 1975. It’s old and it’s by an author who definitely had some weird opinions and bias against things like, say, well-supported socialist safety nets. It’s not to say Flow is an idea we should throw out necessarily. But it does make me wonder about when I want to use it to invoke an idea in a game, because the rest of that book has some frightful stuff in it that goes unexamined when you take one idea out of it.

This is a thing that games studies always does you know. I like making fun of Roger Caillois because of the misogyny and racism but it really is a rarified air in the genre. Caillois argued that the destiny of a culture can be seen in its games, and because Europeans played competitive games like Chess and Poker, which both gave you a way of handling random chance and a way to be competitively aggressive, that was why European culture dominated the world. The game dictated their destiny of domination and superiority. This was used in contrast with African games, which Caillois did not look at at all. If you’re a student of games, you might know that Chess is an Indian game, and Poker is a Persian game – and so to head this idea off at the pass, Caillois argued that Oriental cultures don’t experience the same drive to win at games because they were fundamentally non-innovative cultures.

Which is to say, he just, he just made up some racism.

And am I inviting in those ideas when I look at games, and use those words, without thinking about it? Hinedere Beat is a game with an anime aesthetic. It reminds me of Japanese videogames from the 90s. Its storytelling is disjointed and invokes manga stories I’m familiar with. And it does have after all, an amazing sense of flow.

Horny, surreal, flow.

I really liked this game, I liked the romance it told, and I liked how it interrupted that with being the coolest girl in the world doing ridiculously badass things to impress a cute girl you were on a date with.

And it made me think about words I use.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[teenmomcentral]

Jenelle Evans and her mother, Barbara, are once again at odds after attempting to get along in the months after Barb allowed Jenelle to regain custody of her son, Jace.

After Barbara spoke to TMZ on Thursday about her fears for Jace— who has been living on Jenelle’s lil piece of swampy heaven, The Land, since March— Jenelle hit The Interwebs to let her followers know that has “cut off” her mom once again.

In her interview with TMZ on Thursday, Barbara claimed that, since Jace went to live with Jenelle, the fired Teen Mom 2 star has stopped giving the 14-year-old the ADHD medication he’s been on for the past seven years. Barb also stated that Jace is no longer seeing his behavior specialist.

Barbara said she believes that Jace’s recent attempt to run away from his school was due to him being off his medication and without his behaviorist. 

“Barbara says Jenelle’s not talking to her, so she doesn’t have any more info about why her grandson ran off — but she squarely blames his issues at school on the lack of medication and therapy,” TMZ reported. 

Barbara also confirmed The Ashley‘s previous report that the real reason she gave custody of Jace back to Jenelle was because he had become too much for her to handle. (Jenelle claimed that she and her mother decided together that Jenelle was in a good place to regain custody.) 

“Barbara says she isn’t looking to regain custody of Jace, as she’s getting older and his behavior is too much for her to handle…she just wants to make sure what happened Tuesday doesn’t happen again,” the site reported.

TMZ also contacted Jenelle for the story, and The Lady of The Land denied Babs’ claim that Jace hasn’t seen his behavior therapist. 

“Barbara has not been in contact with Jace since Monday. I have cut off contact with her as of 3 weeks ago. Barbara doesn’t have any idea what is going on inside my home. Jace had a therapist appointment today on Zoom at 10:30am … she hasn’t even attempted to speak to Jace directly,” Jenelle said. 

TMZ pointed out that it’s unclear if Jace had the appointment already, or if Jenelle scheduled one ASAP due to what’s been happening this week. 

(It’s also important to note that Jenelle didn’t actually deny Barbara’s claims that Jace is no longer on his medication or seeing his therapist regularly.) 

From there, Jenelle took to her social media accounts to further blast her mother. In her post, Jenelle encouraged fans not to believe Barbara.

“Cut my own mother off again, and she has to keep going with the articles. Doesn’t call to check up, doesn’t ask me how he is, but talks to TMZ to give updates she knows nothing about,” Jenelle wrote. “Please do not believe anything my mother is saying to the media at this time. The truth will prevail and I’ll soon tell you when the time is right.”

[somegrayvyperson]

If there’s anything I’ll say about tumblr that I much appreciate over Twitter is that the format this site has is LOADS better for people who actually read.

I get that due to the past this website has had a lot of flack, but considering how I mainly stuck to my own crew here years ago i think there’s an odd sense of nostalgia with it. Like I could type up whatever without restraint and be as expresive with words as I want. So to some of the people who might be wondering where I’ve been with Twitter and you didn’t go there because of whatever... Ho boy twitter has been something.

So one thing that twitter initally gave me that I was first off happy with was being around people I actively talked to more. These people that stemed from Discord, Skype (at the time) and irl places and there was finally a place to talk to them and express myself...

...Only to be limited to 200 characters per post. Now this wasn’t horrible for sure as I could make up for this with follow up posts but good gravy it’s hard to really fit in the ways I like to type out and word things.

And I honestly believe that limitation is what also gets people set ablaze, even without an ability to edit.

Generally speaking things were pretty smooth for the first 2 years. Retweeted fan arts and memes, gave likes to a lot of things, alas I could never crack twitter as much as when I cracked Tumblr here years ago. Granted I never cared about numbers but for a social media platform all about being social, twitter sure tends to leave you feeling more lonely.

What probably made this exceed ridiculous levels is with how cancel culture is handled there. Now you thought tumblrs cases of this were bad (and they are still bad, never forget the Steven Universe fan art thing) Twitter with how it’s structured tends to be 10x worse especially if you’re not a thriving account.

If you remember back in the day, I was pretty big with Smash Bros. I loved that series to my core and adored almost every aspect of it... I think given some obvious incidents that happened in 2020 my respect has since gone down the toilet. Even further was with how a local I went to eventually treated me. Now for those who have heard the story before I’ll at least outline it so you can skip over it but good gravy whenever I think about it, I just have to vent in some form.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve told this story on repeat through the Discords I regular and even the rare instance on Twitter after it happened. People that attended the local made up a lie about the ages of myself and my ex-girlfriend to make it seem as if I was a pedo. Without even asking her consent about it no less and they still had that story be believed over my own pleas of defense.

It lead to a pretty big downward spiral for myself mentally and emotionally. Honestly I don’t think I’ve fully recovered after that and I honestly feel my relations with my ex are all the more damaged by it and the deterioration we both took from it.

You’re probably wondering how old my ex was. It was a 4 year gap between us. I understand the age gap of 21 to 17 isn’t appealing in most countries but that was when we showed feelings (which I thought would generally be fine in Australia but again, I get it isn’t socially exceptable even within law here now) with actual proper dating not even beginning until she was 19. We broke up as soon as Febuary of 2020 began so... Yeah that Smash thing really put me through the god damn wringer.

Worst defense I tried giving myself was a by word description of a drawing she did when she was 18, which they took that and rode out the lie with it.

Now considering a month and a half after that the whole community was covering up a whole bunch of creeps, around a year ago one of those predators (Nairo) was unbanned because of some unknown document and cut to now where practically most of the bans from a google doc titled the “Global Ban Database” were merely suggestions and not full bans... It’s left me pretty damn sour on Smash as a whole.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So unless it’s a fan game, mod or inspired game; I got nothing positive left to say about Smash. Screw that game and screw the nepotism that drives the community.

Honestly with that local also gas lighting me on my take of Pokemon Sword and Shield of all things also, that also just inadvetently tainted my appreciation for Pokemon also, so Pokemon’s gonna be lacking in terms of retweet and what not.

I guess generally speaking though, I think I’ve had more falling outs on Twitter than I ever had here. Least here I can type as long as I want to and be more clear about my intentions. Honestly the only thing holding back a permanent return is how NSFW is treated on this website.

I mean look; as a 26 year old man (going on 27 soon) I have DEFINITELY found myself more enamered by things that are basically rated as porn. If anything I’d definitely become a more borderline porn blog if it weren’t for the supposed ban on the content still on this site. I get nudity is allowed by some extent but good gravy some of the stuff I’d love to share about can be a LOT more detailed.

I suppose even if that ain’t the case I hope to at least be back as a guy who loves to enjoy stuff. I’d love to talk about various Touhou fan games on here for example. And OH BOY there’s definitely some write ups I’d love to do on some pretty obscure stuff.

That being said, I guess the shut down scare on Twitter at least reminded me why I use to like this site in the first place. Despite the particular people that made this site infamous in the first place I honestly dunno how else I’d properly socialize and find out about myself due to it.

Hope I can see some old faces again and meet some new ones!

[unohanadaydreams]

Don’t ask me why I made this, just know that I’m right and this is not just a Headcanon post but real. It’s not me having brain worms haha that would be insane. Honestly I just started thinking about how the hell arc introducing Seireitei approved social media would be such a mistake but god would it be fun to watch.

The Current Captains On Social Media

Shunsui Kyoraku - Failed erotic novel author turned romance/erotic novel reviewer. The fan base for his work is very small compared to his actual following. There is some divide in his followers—those who follow for his life updates and those who want to hear him talk at length about his latest read. Funnily enough, his quick, messy posts usually paired with scenery or a selfie are his most popular writing, often hailed as snippets of his poetic soul. Lots of people want to give him a hug.

Soi Fon - Adamant privacy and safety poster. Took to code and anti-virus technology well, much to Mayuri’s annoyance. Posts tips and tricks that read more like demands. Is known for her bitchy responses when followers @ her with their progress that are eaten up gratefully. Her advice is punctuated by posts admiring athletic women and these women make up the bulk of who she follows. She seems to admire runners and lifters the most. Her threatening posts when people hit on her too hard/with too many notes to back them up are turned into copypastas.

Rose Otoribashi - Has one of the larger followings thanks to his nostalgic visuals as well as his dedication to frequently posting new music. He has a personality that’s easily digestible when viewed through snippets. The fact that his passion is music and his job is news/editing also do him a lot of favors. He loves doing live streams and encourages his followers to perform for & with him.

Isane Kotetsu - Her growth being captured on social media not just as a captain but as a person has given her a fan base that feels extremely protective of her. She’s less known for what content she brings and more for her personality. Any creative content she posts is likely to start trending. Especially her ‘peaceful morning’ videos and reflective writing. She’s one of the more interactive posters, beloved for her encouraging responses.

Shinji Hirako - As a more private person, he doesn’t have much of a following and his most popular posts are candid moments posted by others. Lisa is a large reason people consider him endearing in anyway. Definitely the kind of person who is either considered cringe or cool with little in between. The kind of guy who asks what he should do with his hair and then goes with an option that wasn’t listed.

Byakuya Kuchiki - Has an extremely scheduled and curated presence on any site he’s on, but is nonetheless adored. He used to ask Renji and Akon for advice on how to handle some of the more online behavior (like being @ed by women who photoshop them as their date to events or being asked how many notes a date would cost) but stopped quickly. Turns out saying something is flattering leads to more of that behavior. Any selfie he posts is edited and reposted into oblivion until it’s thousands of people’s pfp.

Tetsuzaemon Iba - Despite him being one of the most well rounded captains personality wise, he gets put onto block lists the most for his dedication to concepts of manliness, which are easy concepts to feed to the social media outrage machine. Women’s Association vs Men’s Association is a popular meme where the former is something sensible and the latter is something ineffective/archaic. That being said, he’s also known as a ‘problematic fav’ and people will often post memes about abandoning their feminism for a few minutes to like his selfies and training videos.

Lisa Yadomaru - Another captain with a large love and hate following. Often picked apart for interacting with porn/hentai accounts, thirsting after women openly, and posting pictures alluding to her sexual escapades. Despite her account being regular food for the outrage machine, she doesn’t seem to care or pay attention to it and is forever horny on Main. She posts a lot of candid photos/videos of her friends. Recommends the best fucked up fiction.

Kensei Muguruma - Of course he does cooking videos, but what really does well are his cooking challenges. He forces his lieutenant, friends, and colleagues to compete with him on making a better dish on a time limit and often with other handicaps. Usually wins. His bloopers get a ton of mileage when he posts them. His merch is constantly sold out. People often dress up as him for Halloween/conventions, usually with foam or blow up arms/abs.

Toshiro Hitsugaya - Another captain with a huge following due to him approaching social media with his tireless work ethic. His ice sculptures are very popular and his pop-up galleries sell out in hours. Is actually a huge fan of ‘cozy’ games and is known for having beautiful towns/farms/ect that showcase his attention to detail. He does events in Minecraft sometimes, where he guides people through building large scale projects (and also feels like he’s making friends but that’s left entirely unsaid). A bit harsh, but beloved.

Kenpachi Zaraki - People question if it’s really his account because it’s so random at times, but he posts videos of him mowing down his subordinates during training so it has to be. The odd content includes engaging with easy recipes & activities for toddlers and increasingly complicated punk hairstyles that he really does try out. He also posts weekly, asking for people to volunteer and fight him. The human world especially loves this and he gets a lot of responses. He tries to set up times to fight them but Nanao threatens to delete his accounts and put him on suspension if he attempts to follow through. He posts a lot of post-battle pictures and humans gobble it up. “Just fought *insert ridiculous thing here*” is a huge meme.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi - He is constantly making new accounts and circumventing bans for posting links to his old lab work, that often involves heinous amounts of gore. Actually does have a following, often from those within his own division, those hoping to be in his division, or humans who see him as edgy and a little bit off his rocker, which they think is cool. He posts pictures of himself whenever he switches up his look. And posts Nemuri a lot with unhinged captains about how she’s going to outpace even the head captain and no one could make someone as special & smart as her. Just comes off as a really passionate dad. Plenty of people are convinced he’s a creepy pasta project ran by a dude with a daughter.

Rukia Kuchiki - Like Isane, she’s really loved for who she is rather than creative content. Even her attempts at being stern and ‘captain-like’ are fawned over. She has a line of children’s books, stickers, and notebooks with her cute drawings. Her most popular set was when her daughter contributed. The human world is convinced Renji is her house husband and her life is generally seen as all around ‘goals’. Her posts are riddled with mistakes and very sporadic; she’s posted accidental live streams while she did paperwork and they went viral. She posts tons of candids of her subordinates and family but they are usually blurry or actually videos.

[sope-and-shine]

Lost and Found

-> Namjoon x Reader -> Soulmate!AU // Fluff -> 6.2k (This fic was at 6,199 before post, and I couldn’t let that happen) -> Summary: In a world full of soulmates and soul marks, you just had to get stuck with the dynamic duo. -> Warning(s): none // maybe just fluff

A/N: I suggested the name to Belle as I was drafting the post, and she said she’d sue me if I didn’t use it.

ALSO! A BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU TO BOTH @multycoloredtaco​ and @purpletigertaetae​ for reading this and giving me some really good feedback! I love you both SO MUCH!

* * *

Soulmates have always come in several different shapes and sizes. They’ve always appeared to each other in various ways. Your mother and father met by their own personal song that only the two knew of, one that played when they spared a thought to the other. Your aunt had found your uncle with a timer on her wrist, and your grandpa had the unfortunate fate of meeting your grandmother while catcalling her. According to him, it was a very eventful day, but at least her words to him finally made sense. Everyone in your family - besides your great aunt who hasn’t aged since the late 1890s - has had the amazing luck of finding their soulmate. Not everyone gets the luxury of being with their soulmate how they planned to. You’re actually friends with a shop owner who lost his soulmate about a year ago and hasn’t seen any color since. You honestly couldn’t imagine the pain he’s been through. Thankfully, your soulmate mark was not as painful.

It was just extremely annoying.

As a child, you never questioned the items that would appear in your room, thinking of them as odd gifts that your parents or your brother would leave for you. You were no stranger to finding a single sock under your bed, the occasional candy bar tucked away in your backpack, or the odd action figure that you would take to your brother thinking it was his. It wasn’t until the first homework assignment with ‘Kim Namjoon’ scrawled at the top that you began to think something wasn’t right. And that was only the beginning of what was to come. 

As the years went by, more and more random items began appearing in your room at your parents house, your dorm in college, and finally your very own apartment. Each item you placed in boxes under your bed as a way to keep a piece of him with you until you could find him. However, you never imagined how forgetful and chaotic your soulmate could really be. You have everything! Clothing items, more homework assignments, various books, glasses, baby photos, and you even have a random girl’s phone number! You were tempted to call her when you first found it, but you figured that would be too weird. Instead, you continued to organize everything under your bed in hopes of giving it all back to him when you would finally meet.

Of course, you were a victim to your soulmate mark as well. Many jewelry items had disappeared from your room without a trace as a result. Hoodies, stuffed animals, and even a bra that you could’ve sworn you put in your gym bag - part of you hoped he’d hide it away because not only was it a cute bra, it was also expensive. Recently though, you’ve both been a lot more responsible. You haven’t seen any new items appear in your apartment for almost a month, and with your soulmates track record of losing 11 items in one day, a month was a huge record on his part. But you were starting to miss the gifts that would give you clues to him.

After you found out what your soulmate mark really was, you started looking forward to what would be left in your room next. Of course, it wasn’t always a win on your part, and sometimes what he lost was very questionable, but it always made you laugh when another item appeared in your room. At first, it was weird to think about someone else’s stuff appearing in your room with no prior warning, but it made you feel special to know that he was ultimately giving you pieces of himself every time he let something out of his sight. They made your long days more bearable. It makes you wonder if he’s the type of person to shower you with gifts when you feel upset or just to show his affection when he felt it was necessary. Especially on a rough day like today.

There was nothing wrong with your job, you loved everything about it! Life as a lead optician was actually a very rewarding job in the end. Helping others choose the best glasses for their face and individual personalities was one of your favorite parts, you loved watching little old ladies try on vibrant, colorful frames to feel youthful. They’re always very excited to see clearly again. Then there are all the little kids who would sit down with you to get glasses for the first time, and the look on their faces when they finally got to see the world clearly was heartwarming. Their soft smiles and wide eyes filled with amazement always made you feel a little softer inside. However, not everyday was a good day, and today was really not a good day.

Everything was going perfectly fine until the 3:30 appointment showed up at 5:00 after the doctor had already left for the day and demanded to be seen. The doctor’s technician was so scared trying to explain to the patient that they’d have to reschedule their appointment, and the poor thing was just trying not to cry over the one person who couldn’t understand how society works. Obviously, as the lead optician on duty you took over, but this patient was one of the most inconsiderate people you’d ever had to deal with. Demanding to be seen, demanding to buy glasses with an old prescription, demanding to speak to a manager - which at this point was actually you, so done and done - and just cursing up a storm at you and your fellow coworkers who all tried to help explain. The whole ordeal just took way longer than it ever should have to deal with, and it probably took at least 25 years off of your life. 

“Why do people feel that they need to be rude to get what they want?” Soohyun had asked you, “Do they think it’ll just magically fix everything?” 

You had agreed, “It’s like they think you’re really just messing with them. Like, “Oh no, sir! You’re correct! I apologize for the inconvenience, let me pull that out of my ass for you!” Though maybe not appropriate for the work environment, you’d at least made her day just a little better with your humor. 

On days like today, a nice warm shower and a cuddle pile with all of the pillows and plushies that cover your bed made everything much better when nothing new appeared in your room. If the odd gifts the universe left from your soulmate couldn’t cheer you up, then you’d do it yourself. And that you did. Nothing felt better than the warm water washing away the day’s pain and suffering, the delicate fragrance of the coconut shampoo you splurged on easing your worries down the drain. The floral body lotion and leave-in-conditioner you’d bought on the same shopping excursion also help your body relax, their scents so intoxicating to you, that you almost topple over onto the tiled floor of your bathroom from the instant pleasure they pull from you. Instead, you make your way to your bed, adorned in your comfiest PJs and fluffiest socks.

However, you weren’t expecting to land on something so hard and uncomfortable when you plopped face first onto your sheets.

“What the heck?” Pushing yourself onto your knees and pulling back the covers, you find a small, golden trophy resting comfortably in the warmth of your sheets. On all sides it reads, ‘MNET Asian Music Awards’ with a small plaque reading, ‘2017 MNET Asian Music Awards: Artist of the Year’ at the bottom of one side. It takes you a moment to understand fully what you hold in your hands before it actually hits you.

Your soulmate is an idol.

A forgetful idol if he lost such an important award, but at least this gave you a lead as to who your soulmate is besides one of the most common surnames and a few measly pairs of mismatched socks.  

Setting the award to the side, you grab your phone from your nightstand and unlock it, clicking on your browser and typing away. You look up the artist of the year from 2017 and find the top result to be a boy band called BTS. According to Google’s nice little summary and AllKPOP’s top article, they seemed to be pretty famous. Of course, you’ve heard of them before, and if you heard one of their songs then there was a good chance you’d probably recognize it! But you’ve never really been one for boy bands. You were more into kdramas if you were to be completely honest, they’re definitely your guilty pleasure and way more your speed than handsome young men dancing on stage in front of screaming girls trying to get in their pants. Could you really blame them? No. Not at all. Given the chance, you’d take it, but it wouldn’t be anything special if it wasn’t your soulmate.

Your soulmate.

Namjoon.

Changing your question, you search for ‘Kim Namjoon BTS’. If he actually pops up, then that would mean you actually know who he is. 

Finding the nerve to press search, you are bombarded with three pictures above a description of him right off the bat - You hate to admit it, but soulmate or not, he’s definitely handsome. You click on a random site you hope will give you some useful information about the man who’s most likely your soulmate and are immediately redirected to something called K-Profiles. The site itself starts off with a group picture of all the members, followed by their names below it, and their social media handles under that. You’d have to look them up later.

The first member you come across is your soulmate himself. He has his blonde head resting on top of his arms with a soft, dimpled smile as he stares right back at the camera. Eyes locked onto his through the screen, you can feel your heart speeding up just from looking at him. You can’t help but smile back at him as if he can actually see you. As if he were right there ready to come out and say ‘hi’. 

He’s absolutely breathtaking, and it isn’t even him.

You continue your hunting, scrolling further down to learn as much as you can about him. How old he is, when he was born, where he was born, what his favorite color is, you want to know it all! You learn that he’s the leader of the group, that he used to be known as Rap Monster before he changed it - that USB in the box under your bed made a lot more sense now. You learn that he has a sister, and that he and his band members are advocates for UNICEF, and that this man was so incredibly intelligent yet also known as the ‘god of destruction’ to those around him. But also listed on his profile is his soulmate mark. 

“As said in a V-Live where RM explained a stuffed animal he kept on his desk, anything RM loses will appear with his soulmate and vice-versa. He has yet to meet his soulmate.” You read. You’ve lost quite a few stuffed animals to Namjoon, hopefully, it wasn’t an embarrassing one that would haunt you later.

You come to the end of his profile and to the top of another handsome man, yet you don’t scroll down. You haven’t learned enough. You need to know more about him, about how you can meet him. You have to know more! And that’s how you find yourself still up at 5am the next morning still wide awake watching yet another video interview of your soulmate just to hear his voice. A part of you is embarrassed for staying awake all night for some guy, but another part of you can’t let it go when you’re so deep already. 

* * *

You called into work after your late night-early morning escapade, telling them you caught something from one of your friends and wouldn’t be in for the next few days. There was no way you were going anywhere with the sleep you just got, and it wouldn’t be fixed in one day either. Even after sleeping the morning away you were still tired from your late night-early morning endeavor. It’s not like you really cared though, you had just found out who your soulmate was. And unlike a lot of other people in the world, you had an entire collection of videos dedicated to just your soulmate and his passion.

It didn’t take long for you to dig your nose back into the screen of your phone just to watch him make that gorgeous, dimpled smile. There were so many videos where he talked about you, sharing some of the items you had lost with his fans like they were his best friends. He looked so proud to be showing off your things, and the look in his eyes when he’d get lost in his own thoughts just looking at them made your heart melt.

You’d heard your mom and dad talk about how happy they were to have a special song just for the two of them. Your mom used to tell you all about the day your father tracked her all the way from the grocery store, pushing through the crowd like a love interest in a kdrama because he heard her humming their song to herself. At a young age you always thought it was sweet and wanted to meet your soulmate just like your mom had, but you eventually realized as you got older that a strange person following you home is not something you want. However, now you kinda wished it could work like that, seeing that your soulmate was practically untouchable. 

Of all the people in the world, you just had to get stuck with a celebrity with millions of girls from all over the world fawning over him. Getting chased in the streets must be on this guy’s workout regimen by now! How were you supposed to get anywhere near him without spending over $1,000 just to look at his face?

“How much are those fan-meet things?” You ask yourself aloud. Innocent enough, but nothing could’ve prepared you for the entire process that came with going to just one fansign. This wasn’t something you could just buy a ticket for. No. You had specific steps that you had to follow or you wouldn’t even stand a chance. There were so many steps that you were tempted to just find his company and blast music until security came to take you away. Maybe you’d at least get to meet him when they filed a restraining order.

No. You HAD to meet him. You haven’t saved all of his lost things just for you to chicken out now.

So, you made a fancafe account and waited for their next promotion to purchase an album, you waited for the lottery winners to be announced, and you almost doubled over when you saw your name on the list from the store. You thought 3 months was long enough, but the 24 hours before the event were the longest hours of your life. So long that you couldn’t even sleep!

That’s where the wrench comes in.

You hadn’t meant to stay up so late at all, but you were really excited to finally meet the man that’s been losing everything he touches - especially now that he’s started losing air pods under your bed. So, when you woke up at 10:30am for the fansign that started at 11, you knew you’d messed up. 

You messed up bad. 

Of all the irresponsible things you could’ve done, staying up late was not the one you should’ve chosen to do. Now, you’d have to wait even longer to see him. Maybe the universe was right to give you both the worst soulmate mark known to man.

It wasn’t like waiting for the next fansign was bad, but it wasn’t the best either. Everyday that passed was another day that you had to watch him through a screen. Seeing his dimpled cheeks smile at the camera - at you - making your heart race. He was so close to you, but he was so out of reach. When the next fansign did come around, you had to make sure you made it on time so you could see it in person for yourself.

That’s what you told yourself.

To your credit, you almost did do that! But you had no idea there would be so much traffic. Not only that, but you’d tripped and dropped the box of things to return to him on the street and had to pick it up before anyone saw what it was you were holding. Because of those small issues, you made it to the venue five minutes after they had closed the doors. 

“Please, I’m only five minutes late!” You beg, breathing heavy and labored. You stare at the worker just doing her job with high hopes that she would have some sort of empathy for you, but her face showed no remorse.

“If you wanted to be let in, then you should have been on time.” She scolds, closing the doors on you and leaving you outside to wallow in self pity once more. 

At least the first time you’d messed up you were in the comfort of your own home where you could cry over your failure. Now, you were left in the open for everyone to see your mistake. You were so close too. He was just behind the doors. Waiting to see the adoring faces of his fans that you should be a part of. 

Yet you’re on the streets.

* * *

“Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?” 

“What makes you say that?” You turn to your friend from your seat on the ground outside of the shop you’d purchased your album from, dressed in a light hoodie with a coffee in your hand. The light of day just peaking through the cracks between the buildings as the street lamps turn off for a new day. 

At this point in your journey to meet your soulmate, you weren’t going to take any more chances. The store didn’t open for another 3 hours, and the event started an hour and a half after that, but you were going to be sure you had your ticket and made it to the venue on time. You didn’t care how early you were, you were going to see Namjoon if it was the last thing you did.

The poor, tired woman seemed to pick up on your indifference to your change in behavior and sighs, “Nothing in particular. I’m just concerned that maybe you’re taking this to the extreme now.”

“I’ve tried and failed three times already, Bomi. I cannot miss another chance to meet them!” You explain, taking a sip from your warm cup.

“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you that they’re just a boy band and you shouldn’t get so excited over them. They all have soulmates anyways.” Of course she didn’t know that you were going because one of them was your soulmate, but you couldn’t risk anyone finding out and telling your soulmate before you could tell him. 

“I know that, but it’s worth it!” All the hours you’d spent waiting, watching their new content, reading their tweets and various posts from other social media wishing you could see him in person for just a moment. This was the fourth attempt, and you didn’t want to continue this cycle of hit and miss. “I’m not missing it this time.”

“Well, waiting outside of this shop so early just to get a ticket that’s already yours is absurd!” 

“You didn’t have to come with me.” You grumble. It wasn’t like you didn’t know that. You were very much aware of the fact that it was insane. It was something you thought about every time you failed to make it into the venue! Having her reiterate what you already knew did not make it any easier.

However, your acquaintance wasn’t having your response, “I did. You blackmailed me into coming with you so you’d actually do it right, remember?”

The vague memory of sending her an embarrassing picture you had as a way to convince her to come flashes through your mind. So maybe your methods were unconventional, but they worked. “That’s not important!” 

You both continue to wait by the store’s entrance, making light conversation as more people begin to show up for their own tickets. Of course, you knew they’d be here, that’s why you left extra early to be there first. It was a good thing you did too, because as the time ticked on and the line grew longer, it became obvious a lot of fans had purchased their albums from the same store you had. Even as the store owner arrived to start their day, not at all surprised by the line that had formed for them, there were still fans lining up for their tickets.

But in the end, you were first to arrive and receive your ticket, and that made you one of the first to the venue.

“Alright, we made it. This is where I leave you.” Bomi hikes her bag further onto her shoulder and turns to face you one last time before she leaves, “Don’t make a fool of yourself in there. And do not show them your airpod collection!”

‘Oh, I’m returning the airpod collection…’ You think to yourself, sending a quick wave goodbye to her.

Waiting for the doors to the venue to open didn’t take as long as you’d thought it would - security check taking even less time. You found your seat pretty easily as well, being placed on the left side of the empty table in the middle of the sea of chairs. Taking the time you have while everyone finds their seats, you take a peek inside of the box you’d brought to grab your album and just look at everything you’d brought to begin their return to Namjoon. You made sure to bring every pair of air pods you had found - and hadn’t sold on eBbay - a few old homework assignments, USB’s, pictures he’d taken through his pre-debut, and the trophy he’d misplaced that lead to your discovery.

Hopefully his band members wouldn’t be too upset with him.

You’d learned a lot about each of them over the two years you’ve spent trying to meet with Namjoon. So many times you’d been tempted to put yourself on the fan page or DM them on Twitter, but you were too afraid of being drowned out by other ARMYs or one of the other boys blocking you before Namjoon could see. No doubt they each probably had hardships of their own trying dodge fans claiming to be their soulmate. Watching as they each come to the stage individually, you could see why anyone would lie to call them theirs. You couldn’t deny how handsome they all were - you’d be lying to yourself if you said you thought they weren’t handsome - but no one could compare to your Namjoon.

If you get the opportunity to meet his stylist, then you’re going to give her the biggest hug for making him look this amazing! It was just a plain white, button down shirt tucked into a black pair of dress pants, but the top two buttons of his shirt undone and the grey, satin suit jacket with the addition of black, square glasses and his brown hair neatly parted to the left make him look like a god - should they exist. He takes your breath away, even if you’ve seen every picture and fancam you were able to find. The universe really said, “this one deserves the best” and threw you the biggest catch out there. You could only hope he enjoyed the simple pair of jeans and pastel yellow sweater you’d thrown on for the occasion.

It takes a while before they begin the meet and greet part, the boys introducing themselves and asking questions, letting their fan sites take pictures before they turn their attention to the individual fans as they pass them. With every moment that passes by, every row you watch stand and enter the line to the stage, you become more and more nervous. Of course, you knew your soulmate was truly Namjoon, but you were still terrified to reveal that truth in front of everyone. You’d seen a few announcements regarding the boys and their soulmates, talking about how their respective soulmate would be treated like another one of the boys and would be protected by BigHit as soon as they were found. You knew you’d at least have his company behind you, but…

What about his fans?

You can’t help but fester in your own thoughts, letting them consume you even as you make your way into the line with your box. You try your best to muster up the courage you need, but the looming presence of the table getting closer and closer makes your breathing harder. All you need to do is remain calm. They were just people.

The people who’ve spent almost 7 years with your soulmate.

And your soulmate himself.

No biggie.

“Ma’am.” The voice of the staff keeping the line interrupts your internal panic, pulling you back to reality. He points to the table where an excited Taehyung smiles eagerly at you with an empty space in front of him. “You’re next.”

“Yes! Thank you.” Reeling from embarrassment, you quickly kneel down to the space in front of the table. You give a small bow and hand over your album to the boxy-smiled boy in front of you, your hands shaking from how nervous you are. All you had to do was make it through 5 more boys and you’d meet your soulmate. 

5 more people....

...and you’d meet your soulmate.

A hand lands on top of your own, “There’s no need to be nervous!” Taehyung is bright and happy, calmly running a thumb over the back of your hand as he uses the other to sign your album. His eyes shift from you to the paper and back to you, “You’re doing great~”

You felt a little bad for probably ignoring him. He must’ve been trying to introduce himself when he’d noticed you’d spaced out yet again. Yet here he was, acting as though it wasn’t even that big of a deal. Of course, he still had about 50 more people or so to have a minute conversation with, but he genuinely seemed to care. It made you feel more confident.

“Thank you.” You say, a smile gracing your lips. You were still nervous, but at least now you felt calm and somewhat collected to at least make it through the other members. You move onto Yoongi, then to Jeongguk, to Jin, to Jimin, and then to Hoseok. Once again, you’re feeling a little guilty about the time you spend with him. It wasn’t like you weren’t excited to be in front of him, but your soulmate was less than 2 feet away from you looking like he walked out of a Vogue photo shoot with a happy little smile on his face. Hopefully, if all goes well you can apologize to him for being distracted.

The staff moves everyone along and your time finally comes. You bid Hoseok a quick thank you and goodbye and move yourself in front of Namjoon, his box tucked close to your body as a way to keep you grounded. 

Namjoon takes your album from Hoseok before he turns his full attention to you, his dimples that you’d been obsessed with since you’d first seen them making an appearance. His dark brown eyes stare into your own, “Hi, what’s your name?”

You’re so entranced by the man in front of you that you almost don’t respond. You manage a quiet, “(Y/n)...” But you’re so stunned and breathless that you think about repeating it just to make sure he hears it.

“Really?” He asks. His eyes widen for just a moment, and you know he recognizes it from a homework assignment or a book you’d probably lost with your name in it. You watch his shoulders as they tense and then relax as if they’d never lifted in the first place. “I really like that name. It’s one of my favorites.”

You watch him turn to the album in front of him, looking for the page you’d like him to sign. Being in front of him now, you feel your confidence grow. You can’t help yourself, “Really? Is there a reason?”

“I’ve just always liked the name.” He says, looking up momentarily with a tight smile. He probably didn’t want to be too obvious about his soulmate - well, you - so fans wouldn’t go looking for you. That must be the one downside to the life of an idol. You watch him carefully, taking in the way he handles your album with care. You watch him flip through pages, his smile slipping for a confused frown. He looks at you, “You don’t have a question for me?”

You jump at the sudden realization that you hadn’t given him the box yet, “No! I do…” This was it. You look from him to the box you’ve clung onto for two years, “It’s inside the box.”

Carefully, you slide the box forward, feeling the nerves you’ve been feeling all day spring to life. He takes it from you with a grateful smile, probably expecting a bear or something you’d made yourself just for him. But judging by the look on his face, you can tell he wasn’t expecting to find the objects in front of him. His shocked face makes you chuckle.

“I’ve always wondered how one person can lose so many things. I understand homework and socks, the airpods, but an entire trophy, Namjoon? How do you lose a trophy?” You ask. You wait for an answer, but he looks as if he’s completely shut down. His jaw hangs open ever so slightly, and his eyes are wide in disbelief. You see a glisten in his eyes and your amusement turns to worry, “Are you okay?”

The leader turns to you, glistening eyes staring into your own. His mouth opens and closes and it looks like he’s trying to find the right words to say, “I-...I don-...oh my god, you’re actually here.”

You watch as the shine in his eyes turn to tears that slowly roll down his cheeks, his mouth struggling to decide if he wants to frown or smile. You’re more worried than anything, “Wah-! Don’t cry! Why are you crying?!” You reach for his hands that still rest on the sides of the box, mimicking what Taehyung had done for you when you first stepped up to the table. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He says softly, his voice cracking ever so slightly. You’re still confused if he himself is happy or not, trying to make sense of why he’s crying when he just met you. You watch his eyes drift over you with an unclear expression. Was he happy? Was he sad? Were you supposed to be reacting the same way?

“You’re beautiful…” He says, teary eyes meeting your own.

“So are you.” You respond. It’s only after the words fall from your mouth that you realize what you said and you try to correct yourself, “Handsome! I meant to say you’re handsome! You’re very attractive in a very masculine way, but that’s not to say you don’t express femininity well when you choose to and you look good all the time and-” Amidst your struggle for the correct words, he’d begun to laugh at your own expense. Not how you imagined this meeting to go, you shrink back to your side of the table, “I’ll just stop talking.”

“No! Please, keep talking.” He begs, moving forward to come closer to you. He pulls on your hands that still connect across the table, squeezing to reassure you that he still wanted you to be near him. It felt so nice to have him hold your hands, so nice and comforting, that you must’ve missed the glistening in your own eyes, “Now you’re crying!”

Your hands pull from his to hide your face, “No I’m not, it’s just raining inside!” 

As you try to wipe away your tears, you hear the voice of Jimin call over the speakers just off to the side of the table, “You’re not supposed to make the fans cry!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Namjoon defends. In all fairness, you did make him cry first, so this was probably fair.

Hoseok claps his hands together, his voice just subtly coming through the speakers as well, “This is so sweet! We’re all witnessing two soulmates meet for the first time!” 

“It’s like a movie, but without the flower petals.” Taehyung adds, having a mic of his own on his side as well.

“Miss.” Another staff member appears next to you, only this time they’re offering a hand and a smile, “Could I have you come with me?”

You’re nervous at first, not sure if going with this staff member would be the best idea. However, the presence of Namjoon’s hand on your own once more draws your attention to his heartwarming smile, “It’s okay.”

You nod and stand, allowing the staff to lead you behind the table and into the hallway to a waiting area. They have you sit on the couch, assuring you that Namjoon and the others would be there to see you soon. This at least gave you a moment to collect your thoughts and come to the realization that you really just met your soulmate after so much hard work to get there. You’d thought plenty of times that you’d regret trying to meet him this way, but now you couldn’t be more elated that you actually got to speak to him and hold his hands. You made him cry - what were hopefully - tears of joy! Even as their manager sits down to make small talk with you while you wait for the end of the fanmeet, you can’t help but to feel as if you’re on cloud 9. 

It’s not too long until you hear that the meeting has come to an end, making your heart rate speed up. Once again, you take a deep breath in and let it out, preparing yourself to face Namjoon again. Only when he does come in, you both just stare at one another. Him from the doorway with his members waiting behind him and you from your spot on the couch. You’d already met, you’d already held hands, but this...he was right there.

“Well, are you going to talk to her or just look at her?” Jin asks, a mischievous smirk gracing his features as he stares at the younger.

It would seem that the small jab at the leader was all he needed to push himself forward, legs moving swiftly across the room in long strides just so he can reach you. You stand, intending to meet him halfway, but he’s already pulling you into a much needed embrace before you even get the chance. His arms wrap over your shoulders, caging you close to his chest as he leans down to rest his head on your own. He smells so nice, and his embrace is so warm, they almost distract you from the wetness you feel on top of your head.

“Namjoon…?” You ask, worried you might make him cry more by asking.

The man himself pulls back, quickly moving to wipe his tears as if he hadn’t already cried in front of you already, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so emotional right now.”

“Don’t apologize. I think it’s cute.” You assure him. You look down, feeling a bit embarrassed yourself, “Much cuter than showing up to your fansign with a bunch of your things.”

“How long have you known?” He asks.

“2 long and painful years.” You sigh. Thinking back on everything you’ve done since discovering who and where he was, you can’t help but be thankful it worked out this time around, “I’ve tried coming to a fan sign 3 times before this.”

“Couldn’t win a ticket?” Jeongguk asks from the side, a bottle of water in his hands.

Your sheepish smile turns into a strained one, “Yeah...we’ll go with that.”

Yoongi seems to pick up on your change in attitude, “Don’t tell me…” 

“No wonder the universe put them together, they’re a match made in heaven!” Jin laughs, the sound being much more entertaining in person. The other members of BTS continue to talk amongst themselves, discussing the scene before them as well as how exciting the day had been. But Namjoon, instead, focuses all of his attention on you.

“Please tell me you’re free for the rest of the day.” 

For once, you were more than happy to use your holiday time, “I’m free for the rest of the weekend.”

“Good.” He says, giving you another look at his beautiful, dimpled smile.

“Good...”

* * *

“So, what’s in the box?” 

[augustheart]

Unchained is an Important Episode

A few days ago we watched Unchained (or Unchained Melody), and it turns out I have a lot of things to say about it. I’m going to assume everyone who reads this has a passing knowledge of the bare bones plot of Quantum Leap, but to refresh your memory if you haven’t seen the episode in awhile or if you haven’t seen it for whatever reason, the basic plot is that Sam leaps into the body of someone working in a chain gang and has to save another inmate there, Boone, who is falsely convicted and serving a grossly inflated sentence due to racial profiling. The premise is ostensibly based off the 1958 film “The Defiant Ones,” though it only practically translates so far as it is also a movie about two prisoners from a chain gang (one Black, one white) who are shackled together, even if Boone and Chance (the man who Sam has leapt into for the duration of the episode) aren’t directly chained to each other for large pieces of the story. 

A disclaimer before I start talking about it: I am not at all an expert on prisons, jails, and the United States carceral system—especially not the justice system of the 1950s, when the episode is set. However, I’m the child of someone who works in the criminal justice system, specifically in immigration law and with people who have been wrongfully convicted, so the issue is close to my heart and is the reason why I was looking forward to watching this episode for the first time.

The first thing I want to say about this episode is that it’s good. Even when the episodes we watch aren’t good, I still generally have fun and enjoy myself. But Unchained is good. Really, really good, thanks in large part to how much Basil Wallace destroys his role as Boone. I don’t think I’ve seen him in anything else, but after watching him perform for only forty-something-odd minutes, I’m comfortable saying he’s a powerhouse of an actor. Boone is the heart of this episode in a way that not every person Sam is there to help is. The entire episode, you root for him to be released. And he is, but not in the way I was expecting.

A lot of times when media is set within the prison system, strides are taken to reassure the audience that there are good people working in it, and all you need to do is find one sheriff who isn’t corrupt or one warden who doesn’t want to watch you burn to line their pockets. While Unchained starts to go that route, with a warden on the work site appearing somewhat sympathetic and listening when Sam accuses the actual perpetrator of the crime of framing Boone, this ultimately leads nowhere. Every person there is making money off of these people being incarcerated. That’s why Chance is serving literally years longer than his nine month sentence for petty crimes, and part of the reason why Boone is serving fifteen years for a crime he never committed. The justice system has no incentive to release its prisoners, innocent or not. Even if there was, magically, a good-hearted warden or prison guard or anyone who will care enough to help free someone like Boone, who is an innocent victim of racial profiling, they still won’t be effective, because the system is designed to keep people cycling throughout it in order to break them down and make them more likely to reoffend, something that was as true in the 50s (and the 90s, when the episode was released) as it is today. And while the system may keep its hold on white people like Chance (and by extension, Sam), it is far more designed to lock up and destroy Black people like Boone, another thing that has been constant about prisons since their foundation was laid. 

So how do Boone and Chance get away? Through escape.

There is no way for them to be released through legal means. Boone’s life may have been saved within the very first segment of the episode, when Sam stops him from being executed for escaping (because that is what an extrajudicial killing like that is), but the prison system has already started to destroy him, even if he hasn’t given up hope on being able to make it out. Nobody cares and is going to help them at a higher level and unfortunately nobody will help them legally from the outside. The only way to break free is to quite literally cut their chains and make a run for it. And, shockingly to me, this is presented as the correct course of action—because it is. It’s the only way they could’ve gotten away and it is better to break laws to escape than to die in prison praying that someone will notice and take pity on them, at least in this context. I won’t say that every person should immediately start trying to escape, because it’s incredibly dangerous for them to even try and can make things so, so much worse for them, but I will say that Sam helping Boone escape was absolutely the right note to end the episode on and it is exactly as hopeful as it is presented, even before Al tells Sam that Boone would go on to essentially have the life he always wanted to.

I do have some things I wish they’d done, though, the largest of which is that I wish they had spent some time humanizing the other prisoners. While at the beginning they’re helping Boone and Chance escape, which is something I really liked seeing, at the end they seem to have completely switched around on them and now are happy to watch them kill each other. While this could’ve been commentary on how the prison system encourages a crabs-in-a-barrel mentality of constant violence and infighting, it unfortunately wasn’t. I think it also would’ve been easy to put in a brief scene of Sam as Chance talking to more of the prisoners, or listening to Boone talk to them, or something like that, where we find out more about their sentencing and realize as an audience that these people are likely serving time based on false or incredibly inflated charges (especially if they aren’t white), and while some of them did legitimately commit larger crimes, they’re still being treated like they aren’t human and are simply expendable objects, which is something they don’t deserve. Sadly we don’t get a scene like this, though at least the time was devoted to showing Boone as a tragic hero who deserves what he gets in the end—a life away from a chain gang doing something he loves. 

Prison workforces have only superficially changed from then, and I mean that in the sense of all three time periods—when the episode was set, when it was released, and now. They’re still essentially just as abusive to their “workers” and are designed to destroy the people who are “employed” by them, no matter what work they force them to do. Personally, I think Unchained is an episode that absolutely holds up, even if I do have some things I would change. I recommend people watch it if they think they can handle it despite the heavy subject matter, even if they don’t have much context, because most Quantum Leap episodes are fairly self-contained and this one is no exception. It isn’t perfect, but considering the time it was made and how well it holds up, it’s still a damn good episode about an abusive facet of the United States prison system. 

[zippityzap]

My Top Ten Favourite Moments in Sonic Games

The past 30 years the Sonic series has had a lot of memorable moments, too many to list fully, so in celebration of my recent follower milestone, today I’ll be presenting and explaining my personal top ten favourite moments. I would like to emphasise that this list is very subject and is highly influenced by my personal experiences with the Sonic series. It’s not intended to be objective by any means, and I would love to hear what moments you guys would put on your own lists! Additionally, this list is only for things from the games, in the future I’ll make another list for other Sonic media

Without further ado, let’s get started!

10) City Escape’s GUN truck

Interesting set pieces and small scripted moments in levels have been a staple in the Sonic series since the beginning. Sure, they’re not always challenging from a game-play standpoint, but they’re always an entertaining spectacle. One of the most ionic of these moments (and one of my personal favourites) is being chased by the GUN truck. City Escape is already a highly memorable level from the get-go, but the truck sequence is the cherry on top. An additional shout-out to both of the Generations versions of the level for not only bringing it back but changing it up just enough to surprise you and keep you on your toes!

9) Escaping Null Space

Forces is one of those games that I would describe as a truly mixed bag. Yeah, there are a lot of things about the game that kinda sucked or were disappointing, but when it hit a high, BOY did it hit. While I agree with many people that having the Null Space portion of this level actually have gameplay in it would’ve made this moment impact a little harder, I’m just in love with that transition from the silence of null space to the bombastic chorus of Fist Bump. I thought it was a really exciting moment that hypes you up for the rest of the level.

8) Sonic Heroes’ opening cinematic

Heroes was my first 3D Sonic game, and consequently it was my introduction to a lot of things that are staples for the Sonic series. Vocal themes, an extended cast and their interpersonal relationships, story routes that connect to each other. These are some of my favourite things about the Sonic series, so even if some aspects of the game aren’t that great, I could never ever hate or even dislike Heroes. I feel like the opening cinematic to Heroes (the one with the theme song as the music) is the aspect of Heroes that really encapsulates those feelings best. I must’ve spent hours as a kid letting it play over and over again singing along to it.

7) Shadow the Hedgehog (2004) title screen cinematic

Before you laugh, here is where I must remind you that this list is extremely subjective and highly influenced by my personal experiences and memories. Ok now imagine this: you are a 7-8 year old kid, and your experience with media that isn’t mainstream radio or educational children’s tv shows is fairly limited. You’re getting deep into the Sonic series for the first time thanks to playing Heroes and seeing some of the cartoons and you’re interested to know more about the series. You visit Sonic Central, the official site at the time, and they have a music player with a variety of songs from the games. One of the songs it plays is I Am (All of Me). I won’t lie, I was a little blown away because I’d never really heard anything like it before, so I go to find out more about the game it’s from and I come across that opening cinematic.

I think it’s very, very, easy as an adult to laugh at the Shadow the Hedgehog game and it’s… direction, but adult me was not the target audience of that game, kid me was. Say what you want but the effect that game was going for I think is something that just hits best with sheltered little kids, and I’d be curious if anyone else had a similar experience.

6) The ending of Sonic and the Black Knight

I won’t go into too much detail on this one, since this is very much a fan favourite moment and many others have gone into detail about why it’s so great. Black Knight is certainly one of the games that captures Sonic’s character the best, and his words at the end of the game certainly encapsulate this. Followed by the amazing credits theme of Live Life, the ending of Black Knight is certainly one of the most emotional moments in the series.

5) Sonic Generation’s credits

Anniversary games can be a bit of a controversial subject for the Sonic fandom; 06 was one of the games released for the 15th anniversary while Forces is often considered to be a 25th anniversary game. I think Generations really achieved the feeling and the specialness of a celebratory event though. It’s one of my favourite Sonic games and the whole game is full of brilliant moments but I feel the credits really evoke the celebration vibe: a Sonic 1-esque music melody as the credits song, showing footage from the original games each stage is from, and the cherry on top: a ‘Happy Birthday’ message to Sonic recorded from fans who attended the 2011 Sonic Boom and Summer of Sonic conventions. It genuinely warms my heart every time I finish the game.

4) Metropolis Capital City level

Forces gets another representation on this list! Honestly, I believe the parts of Forces that were exciting, such as this, really demonstrate my opinion that Forces had a lot of potential to be a really good game. But I digress, this was my favourite level from Forces because it shows how fun of a villain Infinite could be. The way that Infinite follows you for most of the stage and uses illusions to fuck around with the stage itself? That’s really fun, and it’s not just stage gimmicks for the sake of having a gimmick, it ties into the powers of the villain and makes the player feel involved in a way because Infinite is messing around with you specifically and is having to make to think on your toes. Granted, part of makes this stage stand out so much in a good way is because it’s so different from the rest of the game and it takes you by surprise, so maybe the impact wouldn’t be as hard hitting if this sort of design was used more in the game, but c’mon when you have a villain who’s powers are illusion-based, the sky’s the limit!

3) Sonic Unleashed’s opening cutscene

Can you believe this game came out over a decade ago and the opening cutscene still looks this stunning?! Depending on who you ask, some might even argue that this cutscene has yet to be topped, and honestly, I’m in that camp. Not only is the rendering beautiful and the choreography of the action exciting, but this scene does a wonderful job of setting up for the viewer regardless of how much prior experience they have with the series who Sonic and Dr. Eggman are, as well as setting up the events of the game. I recall being very happy when I heard the animation team for this cutscene would also be handling the animation for the movie.

2) Beating Sonic Unleashed for the first time

So, this is another pretty personal one. I played Unleashed for the first time a few years ago and it is in my opinion, one of the most difficult Sonic games. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes for completely bullshit reasons. My first ever run of Eggmanland was around 40 minutes long and apparently that’s considered a pretty decent time for your first go, but christ it was a nightmare to finish (looking at you, that one section where you have to platform on pipes without a drop-shadow). The following boss sections weren’t much easier- I don’t rage much with video games, I tend to whisper swears under my breath at most but that part where you’re running on the Gaia Colossus had me screaming in anger every time I lost a life.

BUT when I finally beat the difficult sections? Felt like finally cracking your back after feeling stiff all day. Like taking the first sip of water after a walk on a hot day. The relief and satisfaction I felt was indescribable and slowly winding down while Dear My Friend plays as the credits theme was blissful. I don’t play difficult games that often so Unleashed is one of very few games that I have this sort of memory with.

1) Watching my dad get the good ending of Sonic 1

Here’s a small amount of backstory for this pick. My dad got his first job at 19 and he used his first pay-check to purchase the then newly released Sega Mega Drive. He had a lot of games for the console including Sonic the Hedgehog. He kept the console and games in good condition, and they were still perfectly playable by the time his first child was born (aka me!). Sonic 1 was the first video game I can remember playing at roughly 2-3 years old. I wasn’t good enough to get past Green Hill Act 3 but I loved watching my dad play through the game.

I’ll admit; his playstyle’s a little odd, he avoids speed when he can and instead, he likes to search for as many rings and extra lives as possible, but it was so enjoyable to watch nonetheless. The best bit was whenever he would manage to get all the chaos emeralds in a playthrough and be able to get the good ending. Sure, the only difference between the good and bad endings is just some flowers, but it was nice to see him be happy that he was able to achieve that ending.

And that’s the end of my list! Upon looking over it I realise most of it is either openings or endings to games…oops. I suppose they tend to be parts of games that get special attention during development since they bookend the journey. When I get around to making the second list, I’m sure it’ll have more variety, and as I said before, I’d be very interested in hearing what everyone else’s favourite moments are!

[megamikethomson]

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Although the Rushmore has created a games natural environment of play and win. The Rushmore On line casino on the web is located in britain, nevertheless the web page would be to establish to support and invite US participants. They have quite a few exclusive gambling enjoyment to hold the Very important personel enthusiastic with the condition of have fun with. If the Very important personel knowledge the quantity of games in just about every place, they would want to attempt these people to determine what difficulties are typically in retail store for him or her. Then an thrills will begin again and again.

The Rushmore Gambling establishment has gotten no bad blogs and forums or accounts on google. They’ve got a relaxed internet site that provides fantastic bonuses, pay-out odds, and video gaming, video software package that may be superb within the images as well as the excitement possibilities. An additional fascinated facet of Rushmore Internet casino is definitely the two level quantities of add-ons it gives to Royals. Look into the Rushmore Casino on line. It provides you coming back time and time again to the fantastic benefit and also the over the top games experience with their wide array of video clip on line video games.

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Finance at Gambling house Internet Gambling

Betting house on the internet wagering necessitates contemplation on numerous bank alternatives. Every single child bet are the real deal hard cash at net on line casinos, a world wide web winning player need to save his recreation if you use real cash. Now an on the internet gambling establishment internet site involves several way to have frontward checking purchases. Such as financial institution twine, very own check out, an atm card, charge cards and standard bank wire.

Internet casino on the web poker consists of numerous options in having frontward the consumer banking possibilities. Just about every approaches in use involve its very own advantages and disadvantages. The principle specifics on thing to consider incorporate charge, regional legislation, consistency, safety and rate. Now why don’t we learn what are the advantages and disadvantages of the person financial technique.

Credit or Plastic Cards:

The debit as well as the bank cards type to be probably the most handy and the preferred suggests today. The main advantages that each charge cards offer involve user friendly set up, price tag, dependability and quickness. When the United States started while using UIGEA or the Banned World-wide-web Betting Administration Respond, the buzz of credit rating and an atm card did start to decrease.

Legal issues of UIGEA forbids loan company to method the transactions given to gambling house on line playing. Most debit card sellers do not allow People in the usa to utilise prepaid credit cards to hold onward any debris towards poker web sites in respect to the law. Most US primarily based people have found their first deposit endeavours are getting turned down while they have available funds together. Having said that, it is possible to many on-line gambling establishment websites that accept transactions over the bank cards.

Bank Wire

Most on the internet on-line casinos utilize lender line as the beneficial first deposit strategies dependant on its trustworthiness and wellbeing. The usage of traditional bank line is restricted to geographical spots of the gambling houses and players. This is because a state legal guidelines showers an incredible affect on using bank cord in internet casino on line poker.

In a few sections of the us, avid gamers might discover financial institutions abnegating to offer these support. Additionally, bank insert deals will take lengthy than these. The transport of finances more and more difficult so that it is usually readily available for participating in.

Finance institutions typically ask for the company fees for this type of exchange so that it is a very uneconomical one particular in the event the transaction can be a modest 1.

Very own Test

Right now, a lot of gambling houses online recognize particular test jointly first deposit option. The leading restriction of non-public check is it will take more time to get resources to get satisfied. Like bank twine, the usage of very own test also will depend on the topographical location on the participant as well as web-site. You need to keep in mind that we now have number of locations which can be unreachable with this program. Acquire all the prior to deciding to select personal verify as being the method for exchange capital.

Electric expenses

When conversing regarding the checking possibilities at betting house on-line betting you will find there are various electronic obligations techniques accessible for gamers. Picking out elizabeth-finances remedies and other digital payments like Click2Pay, Use My Billfold, Environmentally friendly Cards, Goal Teller are getting to be prevalent in the majority of on-line casinos.

Gambling establishment On the web – Which To Pick Out

Many bettors enjoy going to a official internet casino satta matka, however are discovering that a great casino on-range site may offer them as often enjoyment as being the traditional casinos, but all from the simplicity of property. Both equally newcomer players who are in the act of discovering new activities and learning people potentially they are to some extent experienced with, plus the seasoned bettors will find web-sites that offer difficult and large-roller competitions that they may appreciate. These world wide web-structured casinos supply so many advantages that give gamers some great bonuses to stay taking part in – and winning!

Offered Online games

When the game enthusiasts will be using a betting house on-line, they’ll locate a number of Online poker video games, Blackjack, Baccarat, Keno, Pai Gow, and various online games that most numbers of people can take advantage of. Also look into the website to see the various position game titles and video slot machine game online games which may have fantastic odds and gives a wide range of dining room table and slot fees to relax and play. The top websites permit game enthusiasts to experiment with for cost while they’re understanding the video game titles and there aren’t any limits to the time they might participate in for fee previous to they need to pay in money.

Bonus products and Credits

Usually, avid gamers will endeavor out a number of on-series casino houses ahead of acquiring one that they believe probably the most secure lodging income and one they are presented the top incentives and bonuses. A lot of web pages offer corresponding bonus products and a range of offers to carry on participating in during this web page. Other sites have bets wants before the people can withdraw the amount of money they’ve already acquired – make sure you study and view the prerequisites for build up and withdrawals just before positioning money into the internet site. Also, consider the minimum amount wagers for the web sites (particularly suitable for novices) plus the maximum bets allowed that knowledgeable players will discover more difficult. Try to find websites which may have monthly add-ons, commitment offers, and supply several different motives (as well as great-quality games and safety) to attract the bettor revisit their website.

Finding the correct Web-site

For the reason that there are millions of betting house on-series sites readily available on the internet, it complicated when trying to determine which one is the best and reliable site. You should definitely discover what nation the positioning is running in, assures they’ve got the proper license, and check that they’ve acquired the Safe and Reasonable playing seal off, and that they in addition have a skilled eCOGRA rating and close up. Be certain these are generally revealed over the internet web-site just before getting some cash into your internet site, take a look at their suggestions, and find our about the quality with their customer satisfaction. The best web site has obtained the best evaluations and suggestions.

Bettor Bliss

In the event the expert gamblers highly recommend a betting house on-series web site feel safe they’ve already completely read through the web page. In case the skilled gamers are going to enjoy in tournaments on the website, it normally features best of luck video games and credits for players to require to go back oftentimes, whether or not these are a novice or simply a specialist.

Gambling establishment On the web Added bonus

The rapid progress in the online on line casino satta matka small business and acceptance from people is indeniable. On the net gaming is unquestionably up coming and buyer satisfaction only appreciates a vast selection. The on the web wagering business is absolutely extremely aggressive along with an on the web betting house advantage is the ultimate way to combat and obtain beginners to attempt their video game titles and products and services.

On-line internet casino bonus products were an essential part on the satisfaction and enthusiasm that avid gamers attain when they engage in on the internet. The added consumer credit of their account may also make participants more challenging in terms of how they play which is mainly absolutely free money! With signup bonuses, the playing knowledge in fact gets to be more wonderful and they often obtains addictive, that why most popular on-line gambling establishment buildings generally offer a variety of extra for the majority of, it not exclusively, in their expert services.

Participants has decided to be aware that you’ll find different kinds of signup bonuses and they will eventually uncover that you healthy their defined wants and. The fundamental matter to be aware of will be to study the conditions of each one extra quite meticulously to be sure that they can be realized before you apply for one. Signup bonuses are usually as cash deposited for your betting bill at the certain on-line casino.

The quantity having said that, differs from reward to added bonus. Online gaming businesses understand that the moment another person is influenced to begin to see the website and sign-up, the likelihood are that he / she will continue. Consequently, avid gamers can be certain that they may acquire a pretty heated at these sites. Many of the common add-ons on offer are: Delightful (or sign up) added bonus No First deposit Bonus products Regular monthly Signup bonuses and High-Roller Signup bonuses.

Blending your on line gambling while using pretty reasoning behind bonuses can be hugely rewarding and enjoyable. The thought, nevertheless, is in an attempt to uncover the right equilibrium amongst making the most of these bonuses and not obtaining notion are unsuccessful. To get a extra to become definitely considerable, it needs to go well with anyone with a options. In terms of online add-ons, knowledge is obviously power and the more about individuals terrific bonus deals to choose from, the much healthier.

Now that you know more to do with it.

Play Gambling houses On the web

Sin City will now have a difficult time with the start of gambling house on the web websites who has consumed the gamblers out from the actual on line satta matka casinos. Individuals are now using large know-how and the effect has been believed in this particular wagering small business primarily by individuals who have didn’t lso are-develop their casino houses. Currently lots of people indulge in on line gaming simply because it has been proven as trustworthy in addition protected. On the web gambling establishments have expended a whole lot of money in developing devices which enliven clients with much safeguarded approach to manage economical purchase.

There are hundreds of these companies via the internet and are generally getting purchasers each and every an each day as individuals want to bet in confidential areas and in which they might fulfill numerous players. No chance in community bodily casino houses as well as the level of competition has concluded in substantial deficits getting received while at the same time delivering a great number of them home. Detailing the best Casinos On the internet that happen to be run by RealTime Game playing, Competing Games and Las vegas, nevada Technologies software program. These on the internet casino houses are States warm and friendly and Take and Allowed avid gamers in the States. In case you prefer to participate in on line casino online games in their own personal dialect, some on the net casinos are accessible in Fran Deutsch, Espa Italiano, Svenska, Portugu and Language. However for individuals gambling houses which have witnessed the trend, they prevent this by signing up for the rest and supply their customer with both methods of gaming. The competition products and services are actually improved plus the affordability currently being achieved.

There are so many games which one can find to be took part in the on the internet casinos which feature blackjack, casino craps dice video games, live dealer roulette, on line poker and bingo. The unbooked time of the many playing game titles cause gambling houses online a successful small business. A lot of the on-line casinos have long gone a pace ahead of time and so are undertaking extremely marketing methods in order to attract new customers if you are paying wide range of bonus products. Even though Opponent Gaming gambling houses have on currently agree to players from North america. It’s prompted the industry to participate for any consumers as well as named beneficiary of this will be the buyers. On line casinos on the net supply an array of banking providers to generate on line poker simpler. So now my point should be to say that you’ve got acquired the brain along with to strong mental performance in the particular way. Many thanks for choosing on the internet on line casino. Participate in it and savor your trilling time!!!

Internet casino On the web Playing – Why to pick Actively playing On-line

If you appear 10 years back again from now, you would probably recognize how difficult it absolutely was to take care of a while through your hectic agenda to gain access to a on line casino so as to appreciate your activities. The altered and now you can in essence experience the very same enjoyment and buzz of on line casinos appropriate in your home office pc. Betting house on the net betting comes as being a good rate of growth eradicating problems and making it easier for individuals to arrive at out their preferred internet casino 2010 playoffs from anyplace.

Leaving the advantages of traveling up to a isolated internet casino, now you can appreciate online playing at the laptop or computer with web connection. Internet casino gambling is lawful for anyone that have obtained the age of 21. So if you 21 and looking out to utilise both hands in betting, it is possible to join in exactly the same excitement obtainable perfect within your space. Various on line casino playing web-sites are provided on the net aiming to take you the best continually.

The truth is, if you perform in every on-line gambling house site from previous to, you’ll know exactly what are the primary gains related to on line gambling establishment bets. You will that this on-line gambling establishment presents its avid gamers are generally a lot more than what can be purchased in any land primarily based on line casinos. Nowadays, the on-line on line casinos have appeared for the reason that most selection ready medium appearing to be the greatest revenue machine in the wagering marketplace yearly.

The causes which enables on-line on line casino satta matka gambling the most popular carrier of actively playing decided on on line casino activities consist of:

1.Offering far more selections of on-line betting web-sites: It’s the on the internet casino houses which make internet casino games easier as you possibly can concerning collection of distinct websites to experiment with. At present, the world wide web consists of a lot of internet casino web sites as opposed to final amount of conventional gambling establishments primarily based worldwide. Therefore, you need not need to bother about the length of choosing a excellent casino.

Choosing a very good web-site is only a very few mouse clicks apart. Furthermore, you can always reprogram your web-site your personal reduce. On the other hand, one very important thought is to keep away from almost any rogue internet casino web sites. Make your internet casino on the web bet a nice 1 providing the sites which have been regarded and do not be unfaithful the participant funds.

2.Practical and simple withdrawal and pay in alternatives: The online web pages offer you numerous different financial options to help players in making their withdrawals and first deposit. Most on the internet wagering internet sites admit big a credit card like Get better at and Credit for both withdrawal and pay in function. The utilization of insert move of clinking coins with the internet casino account in your bank-account is safe and practical ensuring a good participate in everytime. Furthermore, you can also select to make use of other age-budget selections that way of Neteller, Entropay, Click2 fork out, Funds bookers, My Citadel to switch the cash to or from a individual internet casino account.

3.Marketing promotions and Bonuses being gained on the net: The additional bonuses and promotions also form to generally be a nice-looking selection for gambling house on the internet bets. You will not come across these solutions in almost any local gambling house. It will be the on-line betting house that has you a variety of allowed or register signup bonuses, cash rebates signup bonuses, no pay in or downpayment coordinating bonuses and more. Using these free samples, it will be possible to improve your kitty relaxed. In addition, you can even employ this sort of cost-free dollars to increase your cash utilizing them with your more bets.

4.Mileage is not important in our particular date: With all the inclusion in the world wide web on line casinos, there’s no need to travel to a remote internet casino. The online web pages is usually ideally reached by clicking on your personal computer mouse. Thus the on-line gambling house minimizes this range factor. It lets folks that are in a far off place to take a seat and enjoy their most favorite games on the web although playing from the convenience of their home or office.

5.Engage in anytime from anywhere: Carrying on with together with the 4 . point, the internet casino on line wagering involves one simple benefit that is celebrate betting far more less difficult like the chance of trying to play everywhere at when. Exactly where you might be, you may just connect your computer online and start the best game titles.

Engage in Betting house On-line Reside at Webcam Casinos

Playing gambling establishment video games is just not for the rich and famous who became plenty of options and keep on-going to land casino houses frequently. Taking part in casino game titles, with all the gambling house on the net stay and also the cam gambling establishments, is now for everybody. All you should do is log on to the Information Superhighway, that has now become a video gaming foundation, a great deal for the pleasure of gambling establishment buffs world-wide.

When on the web casino was legalized, there seemed to be no stopping it. It had become merely reliant on time before the latest and a lot modern transfer would customize the world of on-line gambling forever. And even, it didn take very long for online gambling to progress right into a survive on the net playing practical experience, detailed with real dwell vendors. Now, it is not just about picking out any on the internet gambling establishment. To expect choosing the on the internet internet casino that offers the dwell dealer feature. The difference among those two alternatives will not be smaller.

There are many good reasons to engage in gambling house on the web live at web camera gambling establishments instead of at area gambling houses. Consider of all the so-called effort it should get dressed up and try out a property gambling house. Suppose the packed areas, of your disturbance, and of times you drop expecting the desk or the video slot you want to have fun with. The dwell seller betting house video game titles, on the other hand, can easily be accessed in your house. You will be with your beloved couch, plus your preferred ensemble. You possibly can have fun with through limited breaks or cracks. You possibly can use the video game on hand, provided that you stopper it into a net connection. The are living online game titles will not take away the noises, but simply limits it with a levels that’s not troublesome for your severe person. Additionally, the reside dealership activities takes away the imprisoning market, plus the lengthy waiting time. With dwell on the net casino houses, each of the games are near you removal at any time. You possibly can pick out any family table, any slots, any time.

On the internet casinos could also easily give additional casino game titles than terrain gambling houses. When including video games to some acreage internet casino, the driver has to think about the place to dedicate to that activity. Conversely, when putting activities to on the internet gambling establishments, everything that the rider has to take into account is how to placed the activities on the software program, and nowadays there are a great deal of internet casino video game titles providers that can certainly use the software and put games going without running shoes. And when territory casino houses are restricted by the legislation of place, on the net on-line casinos will not be. They can create all the video game titles as they like entice more game enthusiasts. There is no limit about the number of internet casino activities they might use in their betting house software program.

Some on the web gambling establishments have flash versions with their betting house video games. Necessities such as best to gain access to. All you have to do is go to the on line casino internet site and you will immediately arrive at an online game windows. Within seconds, it is possible to by now commence actively playing. The second perform attribute is another innovation that gambling house loveers love a lot.

When you want to relax and play some betting house online games and experience the 100 % steps and enjoyment, you wear will need to go a lot. You ddon even need to walk out your door. All that you should do is go to the Internet and join that has a betting house on-line live cam on line casino and initiate trying to play!

On line casino Satta Matka Online Benefit

The speedy betterment on the online gambling house organization and acceptance from gamers is indisputable. On line games is definitely up returning and client fulfillment only has learned no end. The online poker clients are surely very cut-throat and an on line on line casino advantage is the easiest way to battle and acquire new players to attempt their online games and expert services.

Online gambling establishment bonus deals were an essential part in the pleasure and exhilaration that gamers get when they participate in on the web. The extra credit history in their bill can also make game enthusiasts more the way they engage in which is mostly no cost money! With signup bonuses, the playing experience essentially becomes more astounding and sometimes may get obsessive, that why most adored on the net gambling establishment households generally offer different kinds of added bonus for some, it not exclusively, of their services.

Participants will soon keep in mind you can find various kinds of bonuses and they will in due course discover someone to fit their defined needs and requirements. The matter to bear in mind is to study the conditions and terms of each bonus incredibly very carefully to ensure that there’re fully understood before applying for starters. Signup bonuses tend to be by using dollars settled for your playing bank account at the definite on line on line casino.

The total amount on the other hand, is different from benefit to reward. On the net poker organizations know that one time an individual is tempted to begin to see the website and register, the probabilities are that they continues. For that reason, avid gamers can be assured that they’re going to be given a pretty hot at these web sites. A lot of the standard add-ons on offer are :: Encouraged (or join) bonus No Downpayment Signup bonuses Monthly Signup bonuses and Large-Roller Additional bonuses.

Mixing up your on the internet betting while using the very notion of bonuses can be hugely pleasing and enjoyable. The objective, even so, is to discover the suitable stability between enjoying these bonus products but not obtaining the principle crash. For a bonus being definitely important, it must go well with you and the methods. When it comes to on the internet add-ons, understanding is certainly electric power and also the more about those excellent signup bonuses around, the better for you.

[flowerthornsart]

Haven meets Sybil

A drabble that i ended up working on for the day, it ended up being longer than i thought it would (3493 words) but I’m super happy with the result!

CW for blood, body horror, and medical grossness

Applying for nursing jobs was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wasn’t expecting to have a job right away, but with my rent, bills, and student loans cropping up, it’d be nice to get a higher paying job than door dash and Walmart. Sure, I was getting by, but it felt almost as though I had wasted those years studying. It was getting more and more disheartening with every email stating I wasn’t “quite what they were looking for”, if I even got an email or phone call back at all.

I was lying in bed, scrolling through social media, and trying not to let the weight of the last rejection email I had gotten suffocate me when a notification popped up.

 1 new email.

 I sat up a little, clicking on the notification and being taken to my inbox. I refreshed, and refreshed again, but nothing popped up. That’s when I noticed that there was a 1 next to the spam folder.

“Thank you for your application!” the title read, and I could feel my heart start to flutter with nervous excitement as I opened it up.

“Hello Miranda Havis, thank you for submitting your application. We here at Mending Collective have looked over your application and would love to interview you in person. Please give us a call at…”

I barely read the rest as I looked over the number, typing it into my phone and waiting with bated breath for an answer. After a long bout of ringing, it cut off suddenly.

“Mending Collective, Sybil speaking.”

The woman’s voice on the other end was low, in both volume and tone. It took me a second to speak up, nerves getting the best of me for a moment.

“Yes, this is Miranda Havis. I had gotten an email about the position?”

“Oh, Ms. Havis!” The voice sounded more sing song at that. “I’ve been waiting for your call; you’re wanting an interview, right? How about this, I have a client I’m going to meet tomorrow, so why don’t you come with me and show me just how good of an assistant you can be? It beats sitting in my office and asking a bunch of questions.”

“err…” I stammered, unsure what to think. This was in no way professional; I wasn’t sure how to react. “I could always meet you after, if you’re busy.”

“Well, if you’re there, you can show me how well you preform under pressure. If not, I can go alone and consider other applications.” She replied bluntly. “Meet me at the address listed on the email by 3:00 pm. If you come early with some coffee, that might warm me up to you more!” She cackled a bit at that. “Hope to see you then!”

Sybil hung up before I could even reply, and I was left stunned, mouth gaping. Did I really call the right number? I looked over the number listed again and again, even clicked through to the official site linked, only to be greeted with a very early 90s looking site. It had the same number, the address, and a little about the head and seemingly only doctor, Dr. Sybil. There was a picture of what looked to be an almost generic woman in a doctors’ uniform, face framed in grey hair and smiling a pearly white grin. The description of services was vague at best, things like “surgery, pharmaceuticals, and cleansing.” I sat back, eyebrows furrowed, and phone still clutched in my hand as the picture stared up at me. This couldn’t be real. To have a practice so small, to have such a strange doctor with an even stranger idea of an interview, it all seemed too crazy. But I did need the money, maybe Sybil was just getting started, as bizarre a start that would be.

I went through the rest of the day in a haze, flipping from going, or not going, or reasoning behind why someone would pull such an elaborate trick. Kidnapping? Murder? From sundown to sunup the next day, my mind was racing.

Yet I found myself getting dressed, and ready to go by 1:30. I wasn’t completely stupid, I texted a couple friends the address, a vague sense of what was going on, and what I was wearing to the ‘interview’. I didn’t tell them of the odd phone call, just that I felt safer letting them know where I was, since it was in the town over. I could tell they thought it was odd, but they assured me the interview would go well and to not be so nervous.

So, I drove, and picked up coffee on the way while I was at it. The office ended up being in a building consisting of different offices and clinics. If it wasn’t for her office being pushed into a back corner, the black out curtains covering the glass front along with the sign “by appointment only” being plastered on the door would have made it stick out like a sore thumb.

I shifted one of the coffees into the crook of my elbow and tapped twice on the door waiting for a response moment trying the door. It swung open, and the first thing I could smell was potpourri. Its strong scent in comparison to the slightly sterilized smell of the outside hallway made my nose itch, but I shook it off as I walked in. It wasn’t as dark as I thought it would be, the fluorescent lights overhead buzzing as I took in the room.

There were shelves of books, jars, knickknacks that made the whole area look eclectic. There were only a couple chairs in this, what I could only assume to be a waiting room. The plush carpet seemed to hold on to the scent of the potpourri on a couple of the shelves, though there were some petals and plants in there that I just couldn’t identify. The door on the other side of the room had the plaque for Sybil’s practice, though it still only listed the name “Dr. Sybil”. No first name or indication that she had any other surnames. Before I could go to knock on that door, it swung open.

I wasn’t expecting the doctor to be so tall, or to look so different from the picture online.

If I had to guess, Dr. Sybil is easily 6’0”, give or take. Her skin is a pale grey, oddly shiny in the fluorescent light as though she was drenched in water. Her hair was a pale, almost grey purple, her wild hair tied in two loose pigtails on either side of her face. Though the first thing I noticed after her height was the scowl on her face.

She had many sharp teeth, too many for a human to have. Her yellow sclera made her white eyes even more piercing, before her expression changed to a strange crooked smile.

“Oh, look who showed up! Ms. Haven, right?”

“uhm, M…Ms. Havis, ma’am.”

“I didn’t expect you to actually bring coffee! I can already tell we’re going to get along great.” She took the coffee cup from the crook of my arm. As she spoke, I could see glints of even more teeth peeking from the sides of her lips. She took a long swig of the coffee before looking to me again. “Follow me, I’ve got what we’ll need for the house call, and I think I have an extra mask for you.”

“extra mask? Wait-!” I finally bring myself to speak. “Who are you? I mean, what are you? What kind of practice is this?”

Sybil stopped at the door, turning back to me before shaking her head.

“Ah, I forgot I pulled from some human candidates. I didn’t realize I pulled from ones that are unfamiliar with less… mainstream practices.” She turned fully to look at me, tilting her head.

“you already know my name, but as for what I am… well, best way I can put this…” she furrowed her brows for a moment. “You know what a vampire is right?” I nod, taking a step back. “Christ, calm down, if I wanted to bite you I would. I’m sort of something like that, but not in the traditional way. I don’t turn other creatures to vampires, I don’t burn in the sunlight, I’m more akin to a leech, I suppose.”

Sybil pulled her lip back, revealing what I thought I had seen: Her teeth seemed to circle her mouth, and there were a few more hiding behind the from teeth.

“I’ve been around humans for centuries, long enough to learn about you, the way you work, and what shouldn’t be there. Including more supernatural things. That’s what we’re dealing with today.” Sybil put her hand on the handle of the door, looking at me expectantly. “I may have pulled resumes from places other than my usual, I forgot that humans don’t always want to dabble in this sort of environment. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine, I don’t even mind if you tell people, because who would believe you? I will say I pay handsomely, but this is ultimately your choice.”

“Handsomely? How much would the payment be?” I blurted out. As unsettling as Sybil herself was, and the idea there was more out there like her, I did still have rent to pay. Sybil’s grin crept back onto her face as she chuckled.

“There’s not exactly co-pay for the visits I do, usually I get to keep the money for myself. But I don’t really need a lot of money, just enough for upkeep and I get my meals as payment from the client as well.” She must have seen the horrified look on my face because she waved me off. “Its nothing deadly, I promise. The most the client has after is a bite mark. My point is, I don’t mind doing a fifty-fifty split with you. These sort of jobs are high demand, there’s very few people who can do it, and my services can range from 3,000-5,000. So, half of that at least 3 times a week if not more.”

I opened my mouth to speak, before closing again. That sounded like an amazing opportunity, almost too good to be true. But if there was even a chance… I nodded before speaking again.

“I’d like to try and see how this first day goes.” I replied, and Sybil gave me a firm pat on the shoulder.

“Atta girl, you’re a brave one Ms. Haven! Let’s get going.”

             The ride there went without a hitch, Sybil asking small questions and I asking small questions in return. Ones like “how was your day? what was college like? Man, the weather outside is too hot isn’t it?” It was almost like I wasn’t sitting next to a vampire leech. It wasn’t long before we pulled up outside of a residential house, a cookie cutter house that looked like the ones surrounding it, save for the tacky flamingo lawn ornaments outside. Sybil reached into the backseat, pulling out a bird mask before fishing out what looked like a gas mask. She measured the band between her fingers, looking from it, to me, before handing it over.

“Here. It’s good practice to have your face covered, and for a human like you, its best for creatures like these to not be able to recognize you later.”

I was about to ask, but she put her mask on and opened the car door, and I just went along with it. It fit fairly smug over my mouth and nose, my eyes the only thing really visible. I followed tentatively behind after Sybil retrieved a bag from the trunk. She knocked on the door, and I could hear the sound of multiple locks being slid open before it opened. A face of a man peeked out from the door, looking the two of us over before opening the door completely. He looked to be in his 50s, haggard, his T shirt drenched in sweat down the collar and pits. I shoot a glance to Sybil before she clears her throat.

“Good evening, Mr. Paisley, I take it Mrs. Paisley still isn’t feeling well?” She asked, a lilt of concern in her voice.

“Feeling well? She’s torn up the whole basement, she looks like a fucking nightmare!” He snapped, a tremble in his voice. Sybil lifted a hand.

“Language, sir. That’s why me and my assistant are here. Did you mix the sleeping medicine into her food like we discussed?”

“Y…yes… she fell asleep twenty minutes ago. She actually looked peaceful, and…” He trailed off, swallowing the knot in his throat before continuing. “Please help her, Doctor. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Sybil nodded, walking past him as I followed after.

“So, what it sounds like is a possession, but not the usual demon kind. From what it sounds like, something implanted into her, maybe she ate something, on their last camping trip that’s been driving her to animalistic tendencies. My thoughts are that whatever it is, it’s using her like a skin suit. Its not too late to save her, though.” Sybil explained as we walked down the hallway, to the staircase that lead to the basement. She stopped, looking to me as I had very obviously paled at the thought. “Your job, quite simply, is to assist me in this surgery. Be alert: this is a live creature, and you’ll have me by your side. And this.”

She stepped down a couple steps, grabbing a baseball bat leaning on the stone wall and handing it to me. “your resume said you were quick on your feet, Ms. Haven, we’re putting that to the test.”

My stomach churned as I thought of turning back, but I felt I couldn’t just leave, not after entering this house. I followed after Sybil, closing the door behind me. The lights in the basement were dim, torn up cardboard boxes and the contents inside were strewn around the room, the stench of rotting meat mixed with the musty smell of the basement and made me gag. In the middle of the room was a woman, lying on her side. Red liquid was dried on her face, and her fingers looked caked in pieces of ground meat. Sybil pointed me to a knocked over ping pong table in the corner, and as quietly as I could I set it back upright. Sybil set the woman on the table, handing me plastic gloves, and putting on ones of her own. I swore I could see movement under the woman’s skin.

“Alright, lets start with the scalpel.”

For a bit, I was simply helping Sybil with tools, watching as blood pooled, cuts were cauterized, flesh was moved away, and her chest cavity revealed. Except, there wasn’t natural.

If you’ve never seen a teratoma before, it looks like a lump of flesh with teeth, eyes, but is ultimately benign. This, however, looked more like a large bone growth. I wouldn’t have thought it was alive if it didn’t have eyes that immediately snapped to me. It was nestled just below the ribs, the woman’s’ organs pushed out of the way enough to accommodate the boney mass as tendrils of flesh twisted into each other and were trailed out to keep it anchored in the body. It clicked and writhed in the light, making the woman’s skin undulate in different areas. I couldn’t see Sybils face, but I could hear a steely resolve in her voice.

“Be ready.” Is all she said, before grabbing the pair of forceps she had laying on the table and clamping it around the creature. There was a loud wail, muffled but still audible, as it tried desperately to get its hosts’ arms to move. One of its tendrils ripped through the skin of her forearm, bringing muscle with it before letting it fall back and shooting out at me on its own. It wrapped around the front of the gas mask with surprising force, pulling me forward and making me stumble nearly face first into the wound. I clawed at it as I started to coil around my neck, trying to get a grip on it but the mixture of blood and whatever other fluids it secreted made it hard to get any sort of hold. I looked to Sybil for help, but she was too busy dealing with the creature herself, fighting against a few of the tendrils as she pulled the creature with the forceps. As my vision started to get fuzzy, I spotted a scalpel on the table. I snatched it, using the last of my strength to plunge the blade into the creature. Another muffled shriek escaped the core as I stabbed, it pulled tighter around my neck until I sawed through the flesh, an off-white ooze bursting from the middle and smelling distinctly of sulfur and rotting flesh.

“Get the bat!” Sybil yelled, yanking the forceps back and falling flat on her back as the creature was pulled from the body with sickening pops and squelches. It wriggled, the full length of its tendrils finally on display, tall enough to easily pull away from Sybil. I could see now why the screeches were so muffled: teeth clattered on the top of its form, stained red from having been buried in the flesh surrounding it for so long. It attacked Sybil head on, ripping into her now held up arm to protect her face and mask. Quick as I could I wound up with the bat, smacking it hard enough to launch it across the room. The force of the hit and how hard it slammed into the wall caused it to crack open, grey brain matter oozing with that same off-white fluid pouring onto the floor. It twitched and gurgled, still trying to crawl towards us before the extent of its injuries finally caught up to it, curling into itself and going still.

“good work, Ms. Haven.” Sybil panted, a rivulet of blood staining her sleeve. “Take this jar and this solution, scoop some of that creature into the jar and whatever else is there, dissolve it in the solution. I’m going to fix Mrs. Paisley up.”

How she was so nonchalant about what just happened, I don’t know, but the rest of that procedure was a blur. I vaguely remember scooping the remains into the jar, tightening the lid, and cleaning up the excess. My body felt shaky with adrenaline, and I remember Sybil telling me to take the bag and jar to the car while she discussed payment with Mr. Paisley. I heard the front door open after what felt like hours, but what could have only been a few minutes, with Sybil walking out to the car while Mr. Paisley waved, looking relieved and less haggard than before. I couldn’t help but stare at the wound on his shoulder, ringed teeth marks threatening to bleed again until Sybil blocked my view by leaning on my door.

“Ms. Haven, hand me the gauze, I didn’t even realize I was bleeding until now.”

I nodded, reaching into the back, and grabbing the gauze, passing it through the window. She wrapped her arm as she walked to the driver’s side, sliding in, and tearing the gauze with her fingernails before tucking the excess in.

“M…my name is Ms. Havis.” Was the only thing I could think to blurt out.

“Oh. Do you mind if I call you Haven? It rolls off the tongue a little better.” She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but notice the red tint. I nodded and sat back in my seat. “You did wonderful, by the way. You’re stronger than I thought! You handled it like a professional, so I guess college is good for something!” She laughed. “Listen, you’re going to see and deal with a lot of dangerous things working with me, but on the bright side, we got 4,000 for that arrangement. So, 2,000 in one day isn’t so bad, right?”

I nod, smiling a little up at her as she started the car, taking off her face mask. I pulled mine off as well, feeling how sore my throat was after that ordeal. It felt like that surgery should have taken the whole night, but it was only an hour and a half tops. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but it was just as exciting as it was frightening, and the money was great already.

“I think I would like to work with you again, Doctor.” I said, and Sybil cracked a genuine smile.

“I’d hope so! Let’s get some booze, and some food in you, and we can discuss if you want it in cash or not.”

An odd start, for sure, but I was starting to get used to strangeness already.

[atypicalbipolar]

Questions about the psych ward you’re afraid to ask

I was inpatient at three different hospitals in the Boston area between 2017 and 2018. Newton Wellesley Hospital (NWH) January 2017, McLean June 2018 and Mass General Hospital (MGH) twice September 2017 and November 2018

What about my phone? In January 2017 NWH did not allow cell phones. I went to the ER (at my hospital, MGH) with my mom in crisis. She had my phone, and kept it with her when they decided to admit me and send me to NWH. If you ended up on this unit with your phone they collected it with your valuables and handed them over to security for the duration of your stay. There were two computers in the OT room that we were allowed to use when the room was staffed. (So beware of logging into sites you had two factor authentication set up for new computers)

The other two places allowed phones with restrictions. At MGH the nurses kept our chargers locked in the laundry closet, all together. I still have my medical id sticker on my charger. If I remember correctly you had to surrender your phone at night. At McLean they supplied their own bank of chargers out in the common areas. We needed to be up and out of bed for vitals before we could use our phones.

You’re encouraged to not be on your phone so much, as you’re there for treatment. It’s hard to strike a balance because I did want to stay on social media, but I didn’t want to say anything about being in the hospital. The first stay at NWH was actually helpful for me as a detox. I do use my phone too much and being psychotic and on social media is not a good mix for me.

What do I wear? I wore my clothes in each unit. But each place had different expectations. At MGH it was perfectly acceptable for you to spend the day in your hospital PJs as long as you kept your hygiene. I hated those PJs, they were too warm and ill fitting so I wore my own clothes during the day.

NWH had an expectation that you were dressed in your own clothes. I remember they had a washer and dryer and staff would assist with laundry. What's important to know is that everything you bring in is screened for contraband and unsafe items. You can't wear clothing with drawstrings and that includes shoelaces. A lot of my sweatpants and hoodies had drawstrings. For one pair of sweats I let them cut the drawstring because I really wanted to wear it.

This is one of the reasons why it's helpful to have family or friends have access to where you live so you can get some creature comforts. And when I heard the laundry machine wasn't the cleanest at MGH I just cycled a few days of clothes with mom.

Do they feed you? Yes and it's hospital food. That means at both NWH and MGH I was given a menu to order each day, like any other patient there. There was also a fridge/cabinet area off the common room for snacks and drinks. Instead at McLean Sodexo had a contract to provide food. There was no menu as they brought meals to the dining room. You didn't have a choice in food but if you had your phone and cash you could call for delivery. There were binders of menus by the entryway. But as someone who has to keep an eye out for crohn's food triggers I did not enjoy having less control over my food.

Where do I sleep? The number of patients on the floor is based on the beds they have. At NWH I had a roommate and we had a room big enough for drawers/shelves, chairs, but shared a desk. We had our own bathroom, but had to be let into a common shower by staff. The unit was pretty old and claustrophobic and the plumbing and heating proved that. At McLean it was similar, except there were common floor bathrooms and showers.

MGH had real adjustable hospital beds and bathrooms with showers attached. Staff will still do their 15 minute checks and will knock on your bathroom door.

Checks? Staff must visually count you every 15 minutes. The person who is assigned that role will usually have a clipboard or list to check everyone off. At night it means opening your room’s door and visually spotting that you’re in bed, alive. After the first couple nights you usually can ignore it.

If you are having a hard time and dealing with suicidal ideation, or intrusive thoughts, you should let staff know. They may put you on a 5 minute list, meaning you’ll see them around more often.

What do I do?   You’ll be assigned a care time to work on a treatment plan. Usually a psychiatrist and nurse will meet with you each morning, sometimes there’s more people like a social worker on your team as well. Whatever brought you to the hospital will be worked on, with the goal to stabilize you. That is their priority. In the meantime between rounds, meds, and meals there are groups scheduled. What’s available depends on the unit you’re in. There could be morning and evening check-ins where you just talk about the day as a group. Could be light exercise or yoga groups. Pet therapy and music therapy break up the day but it's all dependent on staffing levels. The pets are handled by volunteers for example when I saw them at MGH.

Back when I was at NWH I remember there were a lot of groups. From right after breakfast until post dinner check out. At MGH there were far fewer. The big difference was MGH’s visitor policy so the evenings were a lot more open. At NWH there was only a certain time in the evening that family and friends could visit during the week. And yes you’re expected to go to groups. Staff keeps track, and notes will go into your file. It will help, if not right now, then later when your care team sees good progress notes in your file. Even if you’re not into it, it’s a way to pass time and stay out of your room.

Weekends are quiet, sometimes to the point of utter boredom. There’s less activity and you will often just see the doctor on call instead of your assigned team. Depending on staff coverage there might be some structured activity, like open art block but not nearly as much as during the week. They emphasize visitor time.

Can I go outside? Depends on how the unit is set up and staffing. McLean is on a campus and I was there in June so I was lucky to go outside. There was a level of privilege - staff needs to know you're stable enough to go out. NWH had a little enclosed outdoor space that staff worked hard to clear ice from. I was so glad to get out. But unfortunately you can't go outside if you stay at MGH. There's not enough staffing or much of a protocol. Besides, the closest outdoor space to Blake 11 is right at the front entrance where cars do drop off.

What are rounds? All three of the hospitals are teaching hospitals meaning they’re affiliated with a medical school. I didn’t just see a psychiatrist. At the bare minimum I also saw a resident, a doctor who is in training and has picked psychiatry as their specialty. I remember a couple days the doctor let the resident interview me. I am pretty relaxed when it comes to teaching hospitals as I’ve only ever gone to MGH. But they have to ask you for permission. They want you to be involved in your treatment plan and give consent. If you're not comfortable having more bodies in the room then necessary you should speak up. And if you talk to your assigned nurse for the shift they will relay a message to the doctor.

What’s a shift? The floor has to be staffed 24 hours. There are different coverage levels for each shift. Night is the lightest for example as everyone is supposed to be asleep or in their rooms and quiet. Day shift is the busiest, with people running various groups as well as rounds happening. I remember NWH had 3 8 hour shift rotation and MGH had 2 12 hour shift rotation. I remember when I first went to MGH I was so confused because everything was different from NWH. They even called their non nursing staff different terms, probably because of the job requirements.

How long do I stay? Everyone’s treatment plan is different. For example someone who arrived after you may leave before you do. Generally your care team will try to figure out what’s going on and a game plan when you meet them for the first time. I’ve stayed about a week, maybe a little more depending on the stay. I stayed longer at NWH, but it was my first admission and I had a psychotic break while on steroids so it was more complicated. And my last stay at MGH was longer because we were doing a major treatment change, and rediagnosis. I woke up on the unit at MGH again and asked for a sleep study, but the attending had looked through my file of all the other admissions and diagnosed me as bipolar. I switched over to lithium which needed to be monitored and increased slowly.

What's next? For me I went to partial after I was discharged. I remembered as a teen when I was diagnosed with Depression I went to partial after being in the hospital. I found it's helpful to ease the transition. You might have only been hospitalized for a few days but it's a completely different routine. It's like going from 0 miles per hour back to 60 very quickly. Partial is a therapy program set up with structured groups during the day but you sleep at home and commute.

Tips

It is easier staying in the hospital when you can have visitors, especially someone who can bring you things. It is easier to have your phone to coordinate visitors.

Unless your psychiatrist and you agree to prearrange an admission, you will most likely be coming from the ER. Two times of the four I was put into an ambulance and sent to another hospital. The other two times I was sent upstairs to MGH’s unit on Blake 11.

Odds are there is no air conditioning. Don't expect any windows that can open either. Sometimes the temperature in the unit really varies, so you might want to wear layers.

You do not need to make friends. It does help to pass the time if you can talk to people, and you may feel less alone. If there's issues with your roommate you can ask staff for help.

Figure out when the meals should be delivered so you're ready. Sometimes they are late or they forget your tray. Try to be nice no matter what. I've never gotten warm food that was too cold for me but I've heard staff offer to nuke it in the microwave.

If you're at a teaching hospital be prepared for students to visit as well. I saw many nursing students at MGH. I would chat then up. It's a change of pace. I remember a medical student was on my care team and gave me psychological testing.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #342

“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi  /  ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”

What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.