#mentality: a product of extreme isolation

[sarasa-cat]

That’s it

I’m going to write that novel

What novel?

Well, it isn’t one I talk about in this space

(except when I make vague blog comments in the tags about the creepy faux-progressive gotcha-game of where I have been stuck living for too much of my adult life)

Oh the gaslighting

The constant gaslighting

[transmutationisms]

i would love to hear more about your criticisms of the BITE model! for me it always feels.. unfalsifiable? it seems to do poorly at distinguishing a cult from any other community, if you squint at the definitions

yeah so first of all i'm not particularly keen on even trying to defend the category of "cult" in general. obviously abuse and control methods can and do happen in groups, but i don't think it's particularly useful to talk about this like there's a strict dichotomy between evil malicious groups and all the others. and i think generally, when people do try to sort groups into strict categories like that, what you actually see is that the differentiating factor is less to do with the degree of control exerted by the group and more to do with how much the person doing the sorting is bothered by the group's ideology or doctrinal commitments lol. like, this is sort of baby's first cult concept critique but yknow, a group setting where you're being extremely openly financially controlled is your job and yet most workplaces, however abusive and surveilled and controlling, are not typically designated a 'cult' unless they're also peddling some kind of heterodox religious or medical claims or something.

anyway in regards to BITE in particular, yeah i think it does a really poor job of distinguishing between a 'normal' level of social pressure to say/do certain things, and the kind of control that ostensibly characterises a cult. for example steven hassan has called both MAGA and online trans communities cults, and a lot of this comes down to his persistent and pretty open belief in the power of 'mind control' and hypnosis as mechanisms of cult control. ofc any group of any political persuasion could engage in abuse and high-control of its members! usually this occurs by financial means, social isolation, etc. but hassan's BITE model isn't really good at identifying these kinds of material factors despite paying lip service to them, because it's more motivated by his desire to root out these kinds of shadowy quasi-occult forces of mental reprogramming that he fears.

i just find the whole model to be pretty silly and used mostly as a way of justifying dislike of lots of different social, religious, and political groups---some of which are genuinely mistreating members, some of which are just saying things their critics disagree with---because it's perceived as a reliable social-scientific designation and therefore name-dropping it helps the speaker feel that they're making some kind of objective scientific observation rather than a judgment dependent, as are all judgments, upon their own perspective and values. i think instead of this kind of haggling over Which Groups Count As An Evild Shadowy Cult it would be infinitely more productive and helpful to vulnerable people to talk about how high-control groups operate, what sorts of methods specific groups are using to control and abuse their members, and what sorts of resources those members are dependent on the groups for and need access to from other sources: financial and material provisions, social support networks, etc.

[theambitiouswoman]

Women's Health: Daily habits that could be affecting your hormones

Hormones play a central role in the proper functioning of your body and overall health. They affect your menstrual cycle, fertility, bone health, mental and physical health. Your skin, weight, thyroid, energy levels, heart and breast health and much more.

These are some common habits that can influence hormonal balance:

Sleep: Irregular sleep can disturb hormone production, like cortisol, insulin, and growth hormones.

Diet: Eating lots of processed foods, unhealthy fats, and sugars while lacking essential nutrients can lead to hormonal imbalances. Extreme diets can also harm hormones.

Stress: Chronic stress releases cortisol, disrupting other hormones in the body.

Exercise: Too much or too little exercise can impact hormone levels. Overtraining raises cortisol, while being sedentary affects insulin sensitivity.

Caffeine and alcohol: Consuming too much caffeine or alcohol can affect hormone production and the endocrine system.

Plastic usage: Some plastics contain chemicals that disrupt hormones, especially when they leach into food and drinks.

Skincare and household products: Harmful chemicals in skincare and household items can act as hormone disruptors.

Medications and contraceptives: Some medications and birth control methods alter hormone levels.

Smoking: Smoking and secondhand smoke can disrupt hormones.

Environmental toxins: Exposure to pollutants like pesticides, herbicides, and chemicals in the environment act as endocrine disruptors, affecting hormone production and function.

Hydration: Staying hydrated is vital for hormone secretion and function.

Sunlight exposure: Natural sunlight helps regulate circadian rhythm and melatonin production, impacting other hormones.

Social interactions: Loneliness and social isolation affect hormone production and stress hormones.

Water bottles and food containers: Bisphenol A (BPA): Found in plastic bottles and containers, BPA can disrupt hormones when it seeps into food or drinks.

Laundry products: Some laundry products have chemicals that act as EDCs, impacting hormone balance through skin absorption.

Synthetic fabrics: Fabrics like polyester can cause increased sweating and heat retention, potentially affecting hormones.

Personal care products: Certain cosmetics and shampoos may contain harmful chemicals that interfere with hormone levels.

Intermittent fasting: Extreme fasting or calorie restriction may disrupt hormonal balance for some individuals.

Gut health: A healthy gut, supported by a balanced diet and probiotics, positively affects hormone metabolism.

Birth control methods: Hormonal contraceptives, like pills, patches, or IUDs, can influence hormone levels and affect individuals differently.

[alastairstom]

Listen, I love Grace and think that it's messed up that the fandom villainizes her so much. She had basically 0 choices in her life, she was physically and mentally abused, she grew up horribly isolated except for her abusive mother and a dead brother who, upon her helping resurrecting him, rejected her and posited that they should ship her off to the countryside for more isolation. It's incredibly messed up, she asked for none of it, and she's been violated over and over again. She had a horrific power forced on her in a forest when she was like 10. It's fucked up. Give her some grace. No pun intended.

However.

That being said, I hate how the fandom acts as though James and his loved ones (specifically Cordelia, Matthew, and Thomas) need to forgive her immediately or even ever. She sexually assaulted three people. Literally. It was that bad. And she mind-controlled James for years, and stole a lot of his life and free will. It would in fact be extremely weird and messed up if everyone forgot about that instantly. As the reader, we should see and understand that Tatiana and Belial are responsible and abused Grace. But as a human being who has had a lot of his life stolen and had his feelings muted for years, James is in fact not obligated to forgive her for her direct role in this. None who love him are.

These things need to coexist before this fandom can have any productive discussion on Grace.

[shiut]

Homunculus Research (the kinda scientific edition)

Time for me to do the thing that I do where I think way too much about barely explained fictional science and try my best to apply actual science to it. For fun.

So, here is my biological summary for the homunculi of Rain Code, which will be mostly non-canon speculation.

What is a homunculus? A homunculus is an artificially created, cloned individual using the genetic information of a human for the purpose of developing immortality and regeneration applicable to military use.

What is a homunculus made of and how? A homunculus is created from gram-negative bacteria and human cells through complete recombinant DNA cloning. This technique is achieved through taking the genes of the human donor and incorporating the information into a bacterial chromosomal DNA and plasmid(the secondary circular DNA molecule of bacteria used for gene replication and transfer). Additionally, the incorporation of the enzyme telomerase and protein p53 is applied.

What contributes to a homunculus's regenerative properties and immortality? Homunculi exhibit accelerated initial growth and healing thanks to the bacterial hybridization of their cells. Bacteria have one of the fastest replication rates, and can replicate at a rate of about every 10 minutes compared to the average human cell's replication rate of every 24 hours. Gram-negative bacteria also have a complex layering of membrane that allow them to be more resistant to antibiotics and a more sturdy structure. Bacteria have the ability to go through inactivation, where they go into a state of metabolic dormancy that protect them and allow them to be able to wait out periods of extreme conditions and nutrient scarcity. Telomerase, the 'immortality enzyme', is utilized for its function in restoring the length of telomeres. Telomeres are a protective chromosomal cap that normally erode with each cell division, and it's this shortening that causes DNA damage and aging in humans. Telomerase repairs this erosion and allows cells to divide indefinitely. However, because of telomerase's link to increased rates of cancer, additional copies of the gene responsible for the production of p53 protein is also incorporated. P53 is a tumor suppressor that allows damaged cells to repair themselves before dividing, which prevents the spread of cancerous cells.

Why is homunculus blood pink? Gram-negative bacteria is identifiable for its bright pink color by using the gram staining method. This is because the characteristic cell wall structure of gram-negative bacteria which makes them so resilient also causes the bacteria to display the color of the safranin. Homunculus researchers may apply a gram staining process to the circulatory system of homunculi for the purpose of identification and observation.

Relevance of gram-negative bacteria in gene cloning and military research. The most commonly used strain of bacteria used in gene cloning research is the gram-negative bacteria such as e. coli for its ready availability, ease of growth and manipulation, and simplicity. Gram-negative bacteria such as e. coli has a history in military research, in cases such as a probiotic when an army surgeon isolated a strain found in a soldier who, unlike his comrades, did not develop an illness from an infectious outbreak.

What is the zombified state of imperfect homunculi? It is the result of cell inactivation that, while it is a protective measure for the cells, the slowed or halted metabolic state causes the low-functioning mental and physical faculties that present zombie-like symptoms, and is currently difficult to impossible to reverse in imperfect homunculi due to their varying degrees of cellular instability.

Why do imperfect homunculi require compounds found in human flesh for nutrients? Plasmid stability in DNA cloned cells is often influenced by the original donor's genotype. Imperfect homunculi cells may include defects in the cell division process where the stability of the human DNA contained in the cell plasmid results in incomplete DNA replication, whereas each division causes informational gaps in the gene and interrupt protein synthesis. These gaps can be filled and repaired by taking and incorporating the required information from a healthy human cell through the process of horizontal gene transfer. Human matter must be consumed and broken down in order for the homunculus cells to initiate this process. The lack of these nutrients can cause the homunculus cells to go into a state of inactivation.

Why are imperfect homunculi vulnerable to sunlight? UV has been known to exhibit antimicrobial effects. Many bacteria, especially gram-negative bacteria, are averse to sunlight. Exposure to the UV radiation in sunlight results in the damage or solar induced inactivation of unstable homunculus cells.

Written, hopefully, as simplified and concise as possible for readability. I feel like I'm forgetting more things I wanted to address, but maybe I'll just leave it here and just make more parts if I think of it :P

[ilikebigants]

Hi, I need someone else’s opinion on Leo’s ending in BoO cause personally I hate it. Like Leo’s entire reasoning for why he would die out of the seven was that he was the least valuable member and like. He’s right? Cause he does die, so his assumption was correct! And also him believing that no one would be near him/ capable of (willing to) save him is why he gave the vial to feastus instead. I know it’s meant to be like Leo defies fate and everything but it’s got to be so shattering to have your extremely low self esteem essentially be given a thumbs up by the universe.

I hate it as well, for a multitude of reasons. Let's start with the obvious: Unbelievably low self esteem.

His entire life, he's been a victim in one way or another. He was called a diabolo by his relatives for simply being born different, and his entire life he'd been going from orphanage to orphanage, being abused and bullied the whole way through. There's a high chance he's also been homeless for extended periods of time, which can give you so many different mental issues, one of the most common being a feeling that you don't exist due to how people ignored you in your time of need.

And then, Piper and Jason happen. He finally has friends!... except he doesn't. They treat him awfully, half the time wishing he wasn't there or insulting him in their minds. And as stupid as the fandom portrays him to be, he IS smart and perceptive. He definitely notices but won't bring it up because he knows what might happen if he does: they might leave him again. He'll be alone again.

People who haven't experienced long-term involuntary isolation don't understand what that does to someone. He was terrified, I can be sure of that.

How do you think he felt when he realised the friendship he had was just a product of the mist? Fearful? Helpless? He definitely wasn't happy, and I'm almost certain his heart sank at the realisation he was alone once more. The one time he wasn't only being a lie.

And then Frank and Hazel happened.

People seem to forget that Frank was an antagonising asshole WAYYYY before Leo ever insulted him or made fun of him. Why? Because Hazel treated him nicely, and Leo didn't treat her like shit. It's ridiculous. "He was trying to steal hazel1!1!" No, he wasn't. BFFR. He spoke so many times about how he'd never do that out of respect for someone else's relationship.

The reality of the situation is that he was once again isolated. He can't be friends with Frank or Hazel due to Frank's jealousy issues. Voila, he's once more alone. The 7th wheel.

Not to mention the underlying thought that Hazel only likes him because he reminds her of Sammy.

And THEN there's Percy Jackson. The saviour of olympus. Boy wander and popular as all hell. And Percy doesn't like him. Remember that? It's explicitly said that Percy didn't like Leo. Bam. There goes his last chance to make any friends. If Percy doesn't like you, then Annabeth doesn't like you. Yeah, Annabeth and Leo have been mentioned to talk about engineering with each other, but it isn't even implied that they're in any way close or talk outside of projects for the argo 2.

Why SHOULDN'T he have low self-esteem? Nothing and no one have shown him he's anything more than a tool. A thing to fix stuff around the ship. And this isn't even with me mentioning the guilt he feels for firing on New Rome, or his guilt for throwing Annabeth and Perry into Tartarus, or the MILLION of other things that have made him believe he was expendable!

His one "friend," Festus, is torn into fucking pieces!

So really, no fucking wonder he clings to the idea of a girlfriend so fucking tightly. The prospect of someone who won't leave? Who'll like him? Who'll LOVE him?! Of COURSE he wants that! And that explains why he's so eager to get back to Calypso!

I'll say it, I believe that the only reason he went back was because he thought that he and her had 1 thing in common, and that was loneliness. I genuinely believe he saw how toxic the whole thing was and didn't care because she was just as alone as he was. It's codependency in its purest form. They fought at the start, they fought in the middle, and at the end, the last scene we ever see of them together is them STILL FIGHTING. Say whatever you want about the age gap, even if it wasn't there this STILL would have been a bad relationship for both of them!

But back to the original point. Leo sacrificing himself. Personally, I think that he did it not out of a feeling of inferiority, but because he was suicidal. Straight up. And as a last ditch effort to prove to himself that the others cared.

And he was proven wrong, as they didn't care.

He was right at the end of the day. No one cared for him.

The entire story feels like a giant "fuck you" to Leo. His happy ending being losing Jason and being unhappily married to Calypso.

And on a meta level we have how the fandom treats him, basically being ignored in fan content unless they need a Comic relief.

People talk all the time about how hard the others got it in life, and I agree, but they had 1 thing that helped them make it through: a support network. Leo had it the hardest out of all of them, for the single reason that he didn't have that.

Not only was his suicide basically applauded and rewarded, but his gift for saving everyone was to be miserable for the rest of time.

We never did find out what happened to the 7 after the Trials of Apollo, but in my mind, Leo Valdez only ever talks again to Nico D'angelo. Why? Because after years with Calypso, he stops pretending, and with a gun in his right arm, he's dead.

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

do u by any chance know of any lab whump prompt lists with like... ideas for experiments to do on the whumpee? i've been dying to write some good lab whump but dont actually know what to Do to my character other than inject with painful things and like... vivisections LMAO

Hi, sorry for the late response! I wanted to be able to properly respond~

If anyone else has ideas feel free to reblog + add them on!

Use them as a test subject for products - skin products, foods, cleaning supplies, makeup...anything we've ever tested on animals, have whumper test on whumpee.

Make them a test subject for medications, with all the potential illness and side effects that could come in the early stages of that.

Have a whumper who is trying to find a cure or a vaccine, something where their intentions are good but at the expense of whumpee.

Push whumpee to the brink of death again and again, but always bring them back.

Drop or throw them into different things.

Use them as a crash test dummy.

Put them out in the wilderness and monitor their attempts to survive.

Leave them out in extreme heat, cold, or inclement weather.

Make them do exercises, stretches, strenuous positions, or other physical tasks to the point of exhaustion.

Withdraw too much blood or take blood samples too often.

See how little food/water whumpee can live on.

Break some bones. For science.

Extreme isolation.

Psychological experiments that leave whumpee a mental and emotional wreck.

Ultimately I think the key is WHY the lab whump is happening. Is whumper a well-meaning scientist, a sadistic scientist, of another species, just curious, working for someone else, doesn't see whumpee as human, etc. Then you can think "what would someone experimenting for that reason do?"

[racefortheironthrone]

I'm a big fan of building commie blocks to ameliorate the US housing crisis -- and putting them in the public parks that were stolen from other communities to give colonisers some trees to look at -- but what policies should be enacted to get suburbanites into beautiful and efficient bedspace apartments with kitchens and washrooms shared by a floor?

As a good social democrat, I'm contractually obligated to prefer Red Vienna to your proper commie block. Short of a complete class revolution that completely upends the social hierarchy, a significant part of ensuring that social housing pulls off being "a living tapestry of a mixed community" is building it to middle-class standards (including aesthetic standards) so that people with the money to find alternatives don't all leave. Art Deco is a hell of a lot chic-er than the boring minimalist crap that luxury developers are getting away with these days.

Also, don't build them in parks: green space is not only important for environmental sustainability but also the health and mental health of working-class and poor communities who can't afford houses in the suburbs, and we should be encouraging in-fill development instead. (Build them on golf courses instead, because they are classist, invasive, artificial monocultures that do nothing for the environment.)

In terms of how to make suburbia more in synch with dense, sustainable social housing, there are a number of necessary changes:

Commuter rail: suburbs predate the car by a fair few decades, and originally sprung up along the routes of commuter rail lines. Well, it turns out that transit-oriented development and dense transit corridors go hand-in-hand: if you can build higher-density units near transit lines, people will use mass transit to commute, and if there are well-planned areas of higher density around major urban areas, the increased number of commuters can support more regular transit services.

Planning/zoning/ligitation revolution: as I mentioned in my student housing post, one of the major reasons why it's so hard to build affordable housing projects is that local NIMBY groups use every legal tool in the book to bury them. So there needs to be pretty comprehensive reforms of zoning regulations (banning single-family zoning, reducing set-backs and eliminating mandatory parking, getting rid of "unrelated persons" limitations, getting rid of building heights limits, etc.), standardization of the permitting and development approval process, streamlining of the public comment/hearing process and environmental review process for model projects, and extreme limits on litigation for model projects.

Financing reform: as I sort of imply in my Red Vienna section above, a big part of making social housing/public housing successful and avoiding replicating or increasing class and racial segregation is adhering to middle-class minimum standards. This has important knock-on implications:

you need to eliminate requirements for absolute lowest possible land costs (which restrict social housing to economically and socially isolated areas).

you need to raise allowable construction costs, so that you can achieve those aesthetic standards and avoid corner-cutting like smaller rooms and lower ceilings, single-thickness walls/floors/ceilings, no doors on cabinets or closets, cheap cladding and wiring and pipes and other building materials, low-quality insulation and HVAC, etc. Not only do middle-class folks notice this stuff and go elsewhere, but it's all penny-wise and pound-foolish, because cheap construction runs down faster which increases maintenance costs, and sometimes it just straight-up kills people.

you need to adequately finance maintenance, services, and amenities. This is crucial to keeping tenants with deeper pockets, but it's also another one of those things where penny-pinching is counter-productive in the long-run. The more you save on maintenance costs, the faster the buildings run down and the more expensive repairs you have to make. The more you save on services like superintendants and doormen, the more your tenants end up having to spend on handymen and the more you have to spend on police and repair costs. And so forth.

And there is a real potential here for all kinds of positive feedback loops: spending money on achieving higher standards of construction and operation means that you can hang onto and attract higher-income tenants, which means you can have sliding scale rents that cross-subsidize tenants and pay for higher construction and operating costs, and the poor and working class tenants who couldn't have paid for those higher costs and amenities on their own enjoy a "positive externality" for once.

[retellingthehobbit]

I went to read your comic on Ao3 and I noticed you'd started back in 2020. Aside from your clear and beautiful art progression, what can you tell me about the timeline of your comic?

Thank you! And yes, started this webcomic in January of 2020. “I sure hope nothing bad happens in 2020 that will hamper my ability to focus on a large personal project!” — me in January 2020 with all the naivety of youth. Top ten images taken minutes before disaster. This comic is like a deeply personal diary of my mental state, complete with the long empty hiatuses that are sort of like that part of Twilight where months of depression are represented by blank pages.

One of my favorite things about webcomics is how you can often see an artist’s style grow organically over time. I think it’s something that’s getting lost in the age of “Webtoon Originals,” where people are starting to expect webcomics to be produced by an actual production studio with a team of artists behind them and to maintain a consistent highly curated art style throughout. These professionally funded comics are fun, but they do lose the messy personal organic growth that used to separate webcomics from traditional print comics? But i could go on a whole tirade about webtoon haha 😂 !

The Hobbit is partially a story about someone learning how to express themselves. Bilbo starts the story as this stuffy little guy who is repressing a lot his own personality; he ends the story as a skilled artist writing elaborate prosy poetry about his adventures. I deliberately chose to start drawing the comic before I went to college, knowing my art style would change a lot of over that period!

Anyway here's the timeline as I remember it: Pre-development: I was working on sketches of the comic itself as early as 2016. Chapter 1 (A Bedtime Story/Tooks and Bagginses): (Posted on Tumblr in January 2020, on Ao3 later): Published shortly before I went to college. I was drawing in Paint Tool Sai, and hand-writing all the words instead of using a font. I set out to adapt at least the Unexpected Party chapter, but thought I'd probably adapt the entire novel within a year or two. ("It's a webcomic Michael. How long could it take? twelve months?") Chapter 2: (A Very Respectable Hobbit): Posted like a week after Chapter 1. This was when I still thought I could post a ten page chapter every week, haahahahahahahahahaha Fs in the chat.

HIATUS #1: DANCE BREAK: TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The exact timeline of 2020 is a blur for obvious reasons, but I do remember the updates became very sporadic over this period. Chapter 3-5 (Very Old Friends and An Unexpected Party chapters): there’s a global pandemic. During Spring Break my college abruptly kicks us all off campus and sends us home. I keep looking at the “post dates” on these chapters like what??? Really? I posted that at thAt time? But there was a global pandemic happening and I was so busy and overwhelmed with college???? When did I have the time? I have no memory of drawing these. My memories of all 2020 are so blurry. I think these chapters just manifested spontaneously.

The weekly/biweekly update schedule has been tossed to the wind, never to return. Alas. Chapter 6 (An Enormously Important Dwarf, aka Thorin’s intro): I was back “at college” during our “hybrid” year, so in practice I was extremely isolated. this was posted during a year after the first chapter, in 2021. I would never have found the motivation to continue if I wasn't so excited to draw Thorin! I also joined a "comic club" at my college which was comprised mainly of awkward video calls with like three people. On a weirder note, this chapter was posted a few weeks after the January 6th attempted coup. I was drawing in a a weird headspace.

DANCE BREAK #2: IT’S TIME FOR A YEAR LONG HIATUS:

I've started to often dislike the word “burnout” when it’s applied to art. It implies that the problem is that you were drawing too much or that you can’t find inspiration, when often the problem is much bigger than your art-- it's wider economic anxieties and social circumstances outside your control. It is very hard to think clearly and create things when you are worried about your future, about work, about housing, about a global pandemic, about constant demands on your time, and about being extremely isolated. In hindsight, I wasn’t “burned out”— I was in a situation where I could not think clearly or produce anything. Chapter 7 (The Lonely Mountain): posted a full year after chapter 6. For a while I considered having this be the “last chapter” of the comic!

Changing art styles was a thing I was really motivated to do, and was my last “bucket list” item for the comic.

HIATUS #3: I get really busy with junior year of college! I grow more and more disillusioned with Tolkien as I learn more about The Hobbit Law crushing labor unions and worker's rights in New Zealand, and how Amazon takes advantage of that. The Tolkien Estate also releases a statement saying they disapprove of any unauthorized use of Tolkien's works for profit or not, which isn't really legally enforceable but is also just an act of pure contempt XD. Chapter 8 (A Tangled Web): I get sent to the emergency room in an ambulance for Reasons and begin drawing this in the weeks after, as I realize I don't care about the Tolkien Estate or Amazon or Warner Brothers or whatever hollow marketable products they produce under the tolkien brand. I think this is the weakest chapter of the comic, both in writing and art, and in hindisght think the comic works better without it pacing-wise. However!!!! I was drawing it in a weird mental state, so. XD

Also, at this point I am drawing entirely in Photoshop. Chapter 9 (Ash and Smoke): Back at college for senior year— time for dragon! The comic starts updating with something that resembles a "regular schedule!" this year had more and more people on campus in person, and I started to slowly make college friends :). Also, at this point I am the President of the comic club, and we are now meeting in person and rebuilding our comic empire. Chapter 10 (The Heart of the Mountain): Some funky bits of writing I'd like to revise at some point, but I enjoy the art in this chapter. Chapter 11 (Polite Nothings): If I were to do this all again I'd shorten this chapter and combine it with chapter 12. One important note is that originally, I tried to keep all chapters under ten pages. This made it easier to post them to Instagram and Tumblr, because tumblr still had a “ten image limit” at the time. However at some point I realized that was more trouble than it was worth, and really made the pacing difficult/slow as I struggled to split the story into ten page chunks.

A lot of webcomics often fall into what I call a “wheel-spinning” phase, where the author is so focused on finishing smaller updates that they lose the pacing of the larger narrative—- and so the story stalls out. I feel like I dealt with a lot of “wheel-spinning” while I was at college, both in my life and in my comic XD. Chapter 12 (The Quest): My internship company gives me an offer to work full-time, which I accept. in the last semester of my last year of college, I take the most helpful elective class I have ever taken: a class on using 3D models in blender to aid with blocking out illustrations. This is the first chapter where you see one of those backgrounds! From this point on my background art will improve dramatically. I also have lots of internet friends and college friends!

As I grow more confident in my art I also make the decision to change the character designs, something I’d wanted to do for a while. Chapter 13 (The Necromancer): I graduate college! It's time for some Lotte Reiniger art. I stay in my student housing until my lease ends. The art starts to grow more elaborate as I have more time to spend on it. Chapter 14 (Terms and Conditions): my summer is free, so I spend it drawing gay little hobbits. I move up North to live with my grandmother until my work start date. This is the very last “normal-sized” chapter of the comic, where I hold myself to keeping it under 10 pages. I also think this is where my new more elaborate character designs actually start to look a lot better XD.

I was finishing up apartment-hunting at this time, so both Bilbo and I were goin over contract terms. Chapter 15 (Unattached): summer free time!! More gay little hobbits. I move into my New apartment and sleep on an air mattress for a while. I have a lot of time to draw and the art gets far more complex; this chapter was also twice as long as my usual chapters. I am still proud of this chapter, honestly, even though it's gotten less attention than Chapter 16/17-- it's one I'd been excited to draw for a while. A lot of this chapter was drawn on my beautiful powerful beloved air mattress. Air mattress, my beloved. Chapter 16 (the Song of the Lonely Mountain): I start my new job! I get a BED. Lots of exciting things are happening. I was really excited to draw and post this chapter, because it’s one id been dreaming about drawing from the beginning-- it was surreal to see it "posted" because part of me never thought I'd get this far. I even started a tiktok and posted the chapter there, certain that people would enjoy it. However, tiktok basically ignored it, alas! This is why tumblr is the only social media site. Chapter 17: I continue my new job. My roommate surprises me with the news that they will move out at the end of our lease, making me realize that months have somehow passed. I make a post asking for anyone looking for roommates in Milwaukee to contact me via dms (that offer is still open, if you’re looking to move here in early June.) I privately am very confused about why anyone would ever want to leave a comfortable settled home to go off on an adventure and then realize that I am behaving exactly like pre-quest Bilbo Baggins.

Chapter 18: the chapter I am working on now!!! Another chapter I have been excited to draw forever!! It’ll feature studio-Ghibli-inspired backgrounds, exciting landscape art, and so much fun! I’ve also started a Patreon where, if you want to see “one page a week” instead of “twenty pages every Mystery number of Months” you can subscribe there. (The first page of Chapter 18 has already been posted!)

But yeah! The TL:DR:

I think the moral of all this (to me) is that it’s hard to make art if you’re just not in a position to do it, and you have to allow yourself time to grow and change as a person XD. Sometimes you need to spend a few years thinking and getting better before you're ready to go on an Adventure. I started this comic when I was very Young and Naive to the Ways of the World. The quality (and dips in quality) reflect my wildly fluctuating mental/emotional states while trying to draw each chapter in the midst of a global pandemic. My art has improved a lot lately, and I think a large part of it is really just being in a situation where I *can* improve— having a decent job, not being in the middle of a global pandemic with no vaccine in sight, not needing to live in constant fever-pitch anxiety, having friends, etc etc. I am completely different person now than I was while drawing chapter 1.

Not to be dramatic, but I think you can see there’s a lot more joy in the recent chapters than there is in some of the older ones. It's weird to look at your art and realize you've gotten happier. XD

[furryprovocateur]

the thing about like. kiwifarms vs. tumblr/reddit/etc. is that kiwifarms is pretty transparent in their hatred and harassment campaigns having endgoals of suicide or something along those lines. like kiwifarms people are horrid but they're at least honest about it. the tumblr/reddit/etc. types who've been lolcowing people and then get all shocked when said lolcows do something extreme don't seem to understand how they're part of the problem. like you can't expect someone to atone for their actions while constantly sending them harassment and telling them to disappear. like be honest with yourself, did you really think it was going to result in a productive positive life change for your harassment target? it feels like every week we have someone new being harassed to the brink of suicide, isolation, mental instability, etc. and it's just insane that no one ever seems to learn ever.

[chaifootsteps]

Re: Dave’s tweet about an indie award show.

I think it was well-intentioned but I absolutely agree with his new tweet about it that it should be more of a showcase.

WhTever people were being asshats in the replies can fuck off—but I think there’s a very real problem in indie and it’s kind of simple: indie is too personal right now. And there are layers to that.

All art is personal : indie feels more personal than mainstream because everyone has to market Themselves as an individual and being online means everyone has more direct or personal access to you : if you’re young or inexperienced you’re unlikely to have the professionalism or patience required to carry yourself or your project’s production which can result in a looonnnggg laundry list of potential spin-outs and drama.

You can look at video essays of just about ANY failed product/project/kickstarter and have a glimpse into what happens every time someone steps forward with a dream and no experience or maturity to handle the weight of it.

More experienced or generally mature/professional creators know how to handle their productions and their feelings. Such as Tracy, Goose, and Zeurel.

But there’s a MASSIVE population of too-young and/or too-inexperienced indie creators who are impatient and sensitive (and frankly there’s also people involving themself in the indie scene who aren’t creators, akin to “idea guys” who want to make their own “”studios”” or self-proclaimed “journalists” who want to capitalize on the indie interest via video essays.)

Basically what I’m trying to say is indie as a whole is fine but the current climate of the community is extremely under-developed and inexperienced and is comparable to getting really excited about the concept of surviving in a forest but only running in with a dream and a backpack of basics, without any of the physical or mental preparation or experience with survival skills to actually survive or to even enjoy it.

Anyway this was a long-winded way of saying trying to start indie events like award shows is well-intentioned but I don’t think the indie community is mature enough for that right now.

There’s like this unspoken expectation to support or include any indie production no matter what level they’re at just because they’re indie and if you don’t people take it personal and/or start shit-talking.

But the reality is vetting is still important. There are L O T of amateurs in indie who might mean well that can appear impressive with how high excitement and interest in indie is right now—but they don’t realize (or can’t accept that) they aren’t ready. They wanna make the dream happen NOW.

They aren’t actually seasoned enough to see their idea through, run their production efficiently, or carry themselves maturely.

A showcase is a much better step forward in my opinion. Unofficial awards and “top 5 indie series” type posts from random Twitter accounts trying to establish themselves as an authority/news network/hub for animation that are run by people either too unaware/biased/easily swayed, or far too young, are only creating unnecessary divide and isolated storms of drama.

Especially since people don’t realize most of indie is still isolated in its own bubble. “I can’t believe I got shouted out by this random Twitter with INDIE and NEWS in its name I’m so honored—“ and the post itself has very low engagement or has only been engaged with people already on indie’s side, it’s own bubble. I’m not saying the community can’t celebrate itself, just that it needs to be a little more self-aware and analytical instead of blindly trusting and outpouring their whole soul at every slight expression of interest because there are already small fires and spin-outs occurring that result from that very naivety.

Such as an “online convention” that popped up for indie series to join via a Discord server that turned out to be being run by a literal 17-year-old who then got called out for running it like shit and letting people post/say 18+ stuff despite it being in the rules to not do that.

CartoonBase which occasionally makes unresearched biased or interaction-bait posts about indie productions.

Or a 19-year-old running another indie news type of account that jumped onto the Ang drama without knowing the full story.

Sorry, this got long and rambly and kinda turned into a vent lmao. TL;DR we love indie but a large percentage of indie needs to calm down and slow down.

Nah, these are some very good thoughts. Thank you for this.

[amourdivine]

𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑹𝑶 𝑵𝑶𝑻𝑬𝑺 › 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐒 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐓 ( 𝐈 )

these are my notes & observations about the twelve zodiac signs, from the standpoint of an astrology enthusiast & tarot reader. please do not take any of these to heart if they do not resonate! remember astrology is subjective & personal.do not copy, edit, translate or repost. you can read them for your big three (sun, moon & rising) or the sign which is dominant in your chart.

capricorn: likely to tire themselves out purposefully. it's not that they enjoy suffering, but natives of this sign can take their goals and aspirations to an extreme extent and neglect everything else along the way. the way capricorns experience burnout has a lot to do with their tendency to overestimate their earthy endurance, which often accumulates into tension long term and they may only realize the effects after months or even years of overextending their energy. they may also neglect the more emotional or spiritual side of themselves and focus on practicality, exhausting their physical resources and body in order to be productive. a good suggestion for capricorn is to take advantage of their organizational skills to separate some leisure time. (and turn your email notifications off!)

aries: similarly to their cardinal counterpart, capricorn, aries may also possess an extreme laser-focus, but it may be more scattered and a bit chaotic. they can be driven by their anger and their feisty disposition to achieve their goals, but often, if their motivations don't align with their true desires, they're bound to experience a great deal of burnout, especially mental. aries may also be reluctant to admitting they have a rough time finishing a certain project or being patient with themselves and the process. this can lead to them rushing several aspects of their work/life and cause a huge deal of stress if they aren't able to go with the flow. aries may benefit from meditation and self-soothing techniques, such as breathing practices.

pisces: its fluid and mutable nature, as well as its watery energy can make them so focused on their ideals in their mind that they may find difficult to execute their tasks. they can be highly critical of themselves and quite perfectionistic, which may even cause some procrastination. if they feel that their work or life doesn't measure up to their vivid imagination and expectations, they may fall into a lot of emotional stress and lack energy. these natives may also pick up random projects at wildly different times and lose interest in a few along the way. it's not that they can't be persistent - but they can change their mind so often that it can be hard to know when to start or stop a certain task. pisces can develop their practical skills and their rationality in order to remain organized. they may also benefit by grounding and being gentle with themselves.

scorpio: the intensity of scorpio's desires and depth may scare even themselves at certain points. they can become obsessive and if not careful, completely unafraid of burning out. even though they have a great ability for transforming and replenishing their energy in a powerful way, they can forget their own human weaknesses. the ruthlessness of their ambition can turn against them, especially if they feed into their insecurities and shadow aspects. when burnt out, they can become resentful, paranoid, impulsive or isolated. while they're admired for their accomplishments, they can forget to admire themselves. it's important for scorpio to care for their mental and emotional health, to fully embrace their human side and delegate tasks or projects. they can greatly benefit from venting and spending time with loved ones.

libra: libra's most common case of burnout seems to be social. as natural social butterflies and people-pleasers at times, if they're not aware of their boundaries and their time, they can become so engaged that they can experience compassion or social burnout, feeling like they've lost their spark by trying to maintain the peace and the balance in everything. they value their relationships so much that they can forget their own desires or decisions, even when it's well-intentioned. libras may feel that their existence is tied down to other people and overcommit to them. they may lose touch with their venusian nature, neglect their own bodies or stop caring for their appearance and personal hygiene altogether. by replenishing themselves with self-care rituals, good food and relaxing moments, they can easily return to their more balanced and diplomatic side without abandoning themselves entirely.

amourdivine. © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[careless-writer]

Yandere Saudi Arabia headcanons

Warning: I don't know jack shit about Islam so sorry if a portrayal is wrong

Affection: You would expect him to be distant but actually he's not, he's very touchy to the point of you're annoyance but he's just greatful that your his dear wife.

Blood: no no, he'd rather hire someone than do it himself or woo you with his wealth.

Cruelty: he'd be sososo sweet to you, when he finds someone to love he'd never let go.

Darling: You're gonna be covered, he doesn't care hijab and abaya and you are not to speak, unless he cannot speak for you and oh yeah you're having a family you can't say no to that all.

Exposed: he'd bare it all to her but he is a dangerpus man to be feared but overall he's very sweet and kind.

Fight: it's more likley that'd you disobey him rather than fight him, he'd be mad like Germany he's strict and isolation is his way of keeping you behaved.

Game: no no no this is not a game at all he's very very serious.

Hell: Either the isolation or the process of starting a family either will be hell.

Ideals: A well behaved silent Darling who will take care of his children, that'll be the only thing Shell have to worry about.

Jealousy: Yes yes, the jealousy of this man is scary to the point of only wanting him to hear her voice and see her luscious hair.

Kisses: He's so sweet to you cuddles holding hands 24/7 he'd love love to take you to the mall you're be forever tresured in his heart.

Love letters: He'd do anything spoil you give you all you could desire he'd buy you food choclate he'd give uou money, he loves and cherishes you.

Mask: Well to a point yes, you will not be free not allowed to talk and be covered from head to toe, but you'll still be spoiled and treated like a princess.

Naughty: Isolation, thats all I have to say

Oppression: The right to choose how to dress the way you'd like. The right to talk only he can hear you're dear voice

Patience: He will be patient but there's a limit and he can get scary if pushed.

Quit: He'd never recover, I once saw a call in radio that took place in one of the Arab nations and it was a man who remembered the years, months, days he even knew hours and seconds after his wife died, he looks like he's fine but you left and took his heart and soul with yourself.

Regret: No, he knows that Allah made you come into his life and he was blessed and he needs to take that chance with love.

Stigma: Islam is instilled into his brain to the point where he can not touch a woman without feeling like he sinned, Islam also wanted you to be him and him only.

Tears: yes yes it's most likley that your living a extremely sinful life and he has to save youd.

Unique: idk

Vice: His gift giving, he's easy to trick but his brothers know and will let him know

Wit’s end: Physically no no, mentally yes, if he can isolate his own daughter to the point of severe mental break he can make you have the same fate.

Xoanon: He's a rich man, he'll buy you anything spoil you dance with you all of that

Yearn: girl idk

Zenith: Yes you will be broken to a point

I'm so sorry for the shitty work I'll do actual productive stuff soon I promise

[fidius]

OK, I get that us child-having folk are kind of boring and it often seems like we have kind of checked out of friendships and the parts of society that don't overlap with parenting in Venn diagrams. That's true, those are true things I will not dispute. And I remember being distraught? disappointed? dismayed? dis-something anyway when friends did the whole marriage-and-kids thing, which usually felt like them moving away or dying-lite or something. Which, again, kind of valid? People ask me if I want to go out somewhere and (unless it's their band or art show or something) I say no I've got to read my kids' bedtime stories. I used to be available for shenanigans and now I am not, and 70% of that is having kids. Single and/or childless friends I understand your annoyance verging into existential despair. It sucks, as we all know, that we don't live in a more villagey situation where everyone is less isolated and hanging out is easier and we aren't all working far too many of our conscious hours.

But.

I love my kids so much. An indescribable love that I have so rarely seen addressed in media that I don't think you are likely to understand it without having experienced it. I often--daily, usually multiple times--just sit and think about my kids and what they do and how they are and I am satisfied by their mere existence as beings on a deep level beyond anything I've known before. This is true even when I am extremely annoyed at them, or worried about their health, or in any of the other exciting unpleasant mental states that parenthood breeds. There is something wonderful and awesome (original meaninga, full of wonder, a condition of considerable awe), I think, in ever really and truly getting to know another human (probably that's love yeah?) but when it's the child you're watching grow up and guiding in your modest way it's beyond. It's self-sufficient, nearly. The nuclear family is shit for society but it does feel like so much on its own that I do get where the positive parts of its power come from.

If you've had a pet, especially a pet you've come to know slowly--a young one you raised or a rescue you won over--and you've felt that feeling of "this is all great but I'd rather be at home with my cat" or that sublime right-place-in-the-world on an ordinary walk with your dog, then you have brushed at the feeling I am trying to get at here. I'm trying to do really honest, no-bullshit estimates here, based on the cats I used to think about at work and just tear up with how much I loved them, and I'd say that was like 1/85 or 1/90 of the feeling of having a kid? But with this not-insignificant dash of, I don't know, mortality? gibbering anxiety at the simultaneous vastness and narrowness of human experience? It's fucked up, the whole experience, and it does things to your brain that will never make sense or calm down as far as I can tell and still seem somehow correct.

(I don't want to imply that you somehow have to be genetically involved in the production of the children to experience these feelings, or even be their primary caregiver--interacting with children at all you've probably experienced some of this on a species/tribal level that may have delighted or unsettled or delighted and unsettled you--but the strength of the emotion does have a lot to do with the responsibility, I think.)

[krqs]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

[firstdivisiongirl]

Hello! Before I continue, I'd just like to say that you have been doing wonderfully with the plethora of matchups you have received! I'm pleasantly surprised by your level of pace and generosity; I haven't seen such a prolific writer on this app in a while. :)) Thanks for all the amazing works you've written so far! Well, going forward, I would like to make a request for a matchup myself, if you don't mind: Can I please have a Tokyo Revengers perfect match with one of the males? If so, thank you so much in advance. ^^ — ABOUT ME (see below) — — My pronouns: I am a cisgender female, so I go by pronouns aligned with my sex.

— My love languages:

• What I give: I primarily give Quality Time, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.

• What I'd like to receive: I have a preference for receiving Acts of Service and Words of affirmation. They definitely make me feel most appreciated! Though, since I don't frequently initiate physical intimacy, a partner who is well-versed in expressing Physical Touch is sweet, too.

— My personality:

• I’m an extroverted-introvert: though I can be long-winded, and I appreciate the many beautiful impacts conversing can bring, my solitude tends to be where I feel most comfortable. I also much rather prefer a small circle of trusted people to a large group, unless they’re my family. • I’m a broad thinker and enjoy delving deep into topics with close friends and family members, especially my mother! Being insightful and empathetic—and with what I deem deep holistic perception of others—I can act as a great advisor to others—if they're receptive to my aid.

• I tend to work quite hard and ambitiously in honor of my goals and plans; I'm very dedicated and hardworking when I set my mind to something.

• I’m self-aware and introspective, and I need plenty time to reflect and shift inwards; after all, the source of my art and insights is my vivid internal world. My imagination is strong, too, and in much mental processing, I tend to creatively articulate my thoughts and feelings; thus, analogies and longer, verbose dialogue is practically an inveterate habit of mine — when I'm doing well. ^^'

• Though I'm caring and even friendly at times, I’m known to be just as direct and firm; to an extent, I've carried intensity in my aura ever since a young age—it's much been embedded in my soul, I believe, so essentially, it's an integral part of my being.

• I dislike superficiality and shallowness, uncleanliness, procrastination, overstimulation, and those who hold little regard for others and themselves...

• My downsides reside in my tendency to overanalyze and overthink. I'm highly detail-oriented and put much care and thought to whatever I may be handling, and while I consider that to be one of my greatest strengths, it can also warp into a weakness as it can greatly impede me from taking necessary steps forward.

Secondly, I also have a small liability for self-sacrifice: I care profoundly for others, but—mind you—as an introvert and sensitive person, I've found that my usage in energy matters greatly—so on occasions, I have ended up overextending myself as I attempt to satisfy the needs/wants of those around me.

And lastly, when I've not been well or have been overstimulated from my environment, I can feel either a) drained and tired, and consequently isolate myself from others until rejuvenated; or b) infused with anger, on constant edge, and have near explosive reactions (and while this takes much more of a push than the former state, it is extreme). :')

And if it is of any help to you, here is part of my typology and Big 3 in astrology: I'm an INFJ 1w2 125, and an Aries sun, Virgo moon, and Libra rising individual.

— My hobbies:

During my leisure, I orient my time mainly towards productivity and relaxation, as well as activities geared towards learning and expanding my knowledge.

• Dancing and singing (both are my high-energy releasers), reading, listening to music, cleaning around my home, and studying astrology, psychology, and philosophy are all hobbies I do here-and-there.

Again, if you do accept this matchup, then you have my gratitude — I truly appreciate it. Have a great day, Aly!ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

Hello 😊. Thank you so much. It gets very overwhelming but I’m powering through it. I’m happy you like my work and I hope you like your matchup!

You Got…

Takashi Mitsuya!!!!

He’s very loving person and likes to help those he cares about whenever he can.

Would love that you show much interest in what he likes. Would talk to you for hours about sewing, fashion, Toman, etc.

I think his sisters would love you. They’d ask for you to teach them how to dance or sing.

Mitsuya can handle any person in any mode (apparently his youngest sister Mana is scary if you wake her up lol). So if you are overstimulated, he will do whatever he needs to do for you depending on your mood.

Loves imagination and creativity and I think philosophical and astrological topics. It would help give inspiration for new designs.

He’d help you clean.

Dates would be something like star gazing or walks in the park. Something where you two can have great talks.