#mention: bertha jorkins

[munacy]

Forget

@wolfstarmicrofic

Sirius is 80% sure he has an eidetic memory.

He remembers the shape of Bertha Jorkins' thin lips and the sound of her jeering glee as she informed him of a few key facts of which he was previously unaware.

"You know your friend? The quiet, weird one? That's it—Lupin!"

"Well, did you know he's bent?"

"AND, and, did you know he's bent for you? Oh, no, I'm certain—he's mad for you, Black!"

He remembers the exact flavor of his own feelings of shock, then later, pity, burrowing so deep in his heart that it felt like grief.

It's unfair, he remembers thinking. Why can't Moony have just one good thing in his life?

He remembers the exact shape of the single tear, dignified and quiet, never making a spectacle of itself, dripping down the line of Moony's nose, nearly hidden by the curls of his bowed head, when Sirius had finally gotten him alone.

"So, it's true?"

....

"Moons, I—Remus....I love you, but....but, you're like a brother to me. I love you so much, you and James and Peter, like my own flesh and blood, I do...I'm so sorry."

He remembers the exact timbre of Remus' voice, resigned and wholly unsurprised—and so, so tired, not unlike the way he says, "So which bones did I break this time?" the morning after a full moon.

"I know. I've always known that."

And his voice breaking on the last sentence.

"It's just that I couldn't help myself."

It's been months and Sirius remembers all of these details with astonishing clarity. Now, he wonders if Remus does, too.

And, if he does, is there any way, humanly or magically possible, to make him forget?

Because, there is a party in Gryffindor Tower. There is a party going on and Sirius is watching Remus, and the long line of Remus' body is pressed from ankle to chest against some boy, some stupid, ugly, horrible, evil boy from Ravenclaw, and their tongues are in each others' mouths, and Sirius, poor Sirius, he is realizing that he's told Moony a lie. He did not know it was a lie at the time, but as he watches the Ravenclaw boy's hands thread through Moony's precious curls-MY MOONY MY CURLS-and feels the flood of heat boiling his fingernails, he realizes what an idiot he's been.

He realizes that what he's feeling at this moment could not be further from brotherly love. He's sure now that there is no higher power because his lie to Remus was so egregious, so blasphemous, that, surely, any rational deity would have had the sense to smite him by now.

He is not smote.

He is smitten.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Secrets of the Darkest Art: How to Make a Horcrux

So I saw many theories regarding how to make a Horcrux, but none of them really made perfect sense to me, so I decided to give it a crack myself as part of my mission to understand Lord Voldemort/Tom Marvolo Riddle (Which I think I did, big post coming about that at some point, this is but another piece of that puzzle of a man)

So this is my reverse engineering of a ritual to create Horcruxes based on book evidence, my knowledge of real-world alchemy, real-world ancient Greek cults and rituals and linguistic analysis.

How to reverse engineering a dark magical ritual:

The first thing, is to define what we knew fore certain:

The name: "Horcrux"

The creator is an Ancient Greek wizard named Harpo the Foul.

A death is required in the making.

A Horcrux holds a piece of the casters soul that anchors them to life so they won't die.

I'll actually start with the third point.

How to split a soul?

Both Dumbledore and Slughorn mention a death being required to tear your soul to make a Horcrux, and that never really sat right with me. It magically doesn't make sense and even the canon examples we have for Horcrux murders make this statment iffy.

We have seven examples of murders used to create Horcruxs (thanks to one Tom Riddle being dramatic):

The Diary - Myrtle Warren - killed by a basilisk. Sure, Tom freed the Basilisk, but it hardly seemed targeted at Myrtle specifically and you can argue he didn't actually kill her (more a manslaughter by negligence). He didn't cast the spell, so how come this tore his soul?

The Ring - his father (Tom Riddle Sr) - Avada Kadevra.

The Cup - Hepzibah Smith - she was poisoned by her house elf. Sure, the elf was under the imperious, but it wasn't a first-degree murder, and like with the Basilisk I find it hard to consider this the same as casting a killing curse. Magically those are very different things.

The Locket - Muggle Tramp - Avada Kadevra

The Diadem - Albanian Peasant - Avada Kadevra

Harry Potter - himself - backfired Avada Kadevra

Nagini - Bertha Jorkins - Avada Kadevra

Now, I used the term "magically different" or "magically make sense" what do I mean by that?

Well, besides the fact I'm going to make a full post about how I see magical theory in the Harry Potter Wizarding World, I'll say it takes a lot after occult philosophies from Alchemy that are very old, Slughorn mentions as much in book 6 and there are a few other references to it. I'm just gonna cover the basics required for this theory.

In Alchemy, everything (people, animals, plants and rocks) are built of three base components:

The Salt - the body - the physical form.

The Sulfur - the soul - the self that holds the divine flame.

The Murcury - the spirit - the life essence that binds the salt and sulfer together.

Now, in Alchemy, the main study is in purifying and combining these different aspects of material. Let's look at a herb, for an example:

If we want to retrieve its salt, we'll dry the herb completely using fire to leave behind a fine light grey ash that represents only the physical form.

If we wanted its mercury we'd distill all liquids from it until we get a purified, clear liquid which in the case of plants would be alcohol (it's why alcohol is referred to as "spirit").

And if we wanted its soul, we would take the remains from the distillation and drying process which would be a kind of oil.

(it can get more complicated with different materials, but this isn't a post about Alchemy)

Now, back to Horcruxs.

So, if we would want to split a soul, Alchemecly, how do we go about it?

Well, we don't. Not really. See a soul can't really be split, as every part of it, every bit of that oil from our random herb represents the entire soul. It's why something like a Horcrux could theoretically work in giving a full life to the diary the way we see in Chamber of Secrets.

Additionally, to work with any material in Alchemy, you are required to purify it first. It means that to get a piece of soul to bind to a diary, you need a pure soul.

Killing someone else won't sever your own soul from the spirit and the body, it's not how this works. Killing someone severs their spirit and therefore splits their body, spirit, and soul. Besides, an Ancient Greek man, like Herpo was, would hardly consider murder as vile as we do today. It wouldn't even cross his mind that any murder (even an indirect one) could harm one's own soul.

No, the only way to "split" a soul is to first sever it from life, disconnecting the bond between soul and body. Essentially, the only way to promise you immortality is to kill yourself.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but, essentially, once the soul is severed from the spirit and body you can split it. Think of the herbal oil, once you have the oil, separate from the rest of the plant parts, you can combine it with new ingredients. You can only work on a specific aspect once you severed it from the other two and as what binds all three together is spirit — life — the only way to do it for a human soul — is death.

But really, how?

Well, here comes the second thing we know about making Horcruxs — that dear Herpo was Ancient Greek.

In Ancient Greece they had multiple different religious cults, some of which were Chthonic cults. Cults that dedicated themselves to death or ditties and heroes associated with death and more importantly — rebirth.

Many of these cults were dedicated to figures like Orpheous, Dyonysus, Persephone, characters in mythology who are known for going through the underworld — through death — and coming back out. These cults were very secretive and not much is known about their practices, but some is.

What is known is that they had rituals were they reenacted a death and then rebirth (usually drinking wine — a water if life, was the representation of rebirth).

This created a very clear idea in my head — to split a soul, you'll have to ritualisticlly, magically kill yourself, severe a peice of your soul and then revive yourself with a water of life — a potion.

This potion is never mentioned, but I believe it exists due to these Chthonic cult rituals and how they were structured. Not only that, but the Greek underworld did have a river known for being incredibly painful to drink, literally made of fire, but being able to bring the dead back - The Phlegethon River.

Note: Lethe River Water (the river in the Greek Underworld that makes the drinker forget) is a canon ingredient in a Forgetfulness Potion.

So what is the dead body for?

Well, congratulations, you killed yourself to retrieve a sliver of your soul and revived yourself so you won't stay dead. You found an item you can keep secure to tie that sliver of soul, too. Now, how would you bind then? After all, the only thing meant to bind a human soul to a body is a human spirit - a human life... you get where I'm going with this.

This is why Tom didn't have to be the one to do the deed. As long as he had a recently deceased corpse to harvest the life from to use to bind his newly split soul and the item of his choice.

It explains why nothing was missing from the bodies. Myrtle and the Riddles were investigated by the Ministry of Magic. One would assume the aurors would've noticed if any corpse was missing a hand due to the killer eating it (as other Horcrux theories suggest).

Not only was nothing missing from the body, the soul was intact. Myrtle became a ghost after death, a ghost is quite literally, just the soul, no body, no spirit.

So the only thing that was taken from Tom's victims was their life, quite literally at that.

Is that all? Can we make a Horcrux now?

Not really. See, when analyzing spells in Harry Potter is their name.

Avada Kadevra - is a reference to an Aramaic healing spell "Abracadabra" pronounced in Aramaic as: "Avra Kadebra" and meaning "I will create as commanded". Merged with the Latin word "cadaver" meaning "corpse" to create -> "I will create dead bodies as commanded"

Or Wingardium Laviosa - is a cross of the English word "wing", the Latin word "arduus" (meaning "high, tall, lofty, steep, proudly elevated"), or "arduum" (meaning "steep place, the steep" and the Latin word "levo" (meaning to "raise, lift up"). So together the spell means -> "lift high up".

So, it's pretty clear spells, their names and incantations are very self-explanatory. So a Horcrux should be no different.

I've seen some attempts at translating the name Horcrux. Unfortunately, these attempts treated the name as Latin, modern Greek, or Old English. Herpo, was Ancient Greek, though, so I went and translated a few possible meanings from Ancient Greek (Classical Greek and Homeric Greek are what I looked at):

ὅρκος (orkus, pronounced "hor-kus") - an oath, the object by which one swears, bound by oath (still used in modern Greek).

κρόκες (crukes, pronounced "cru-kes") - saffron-colored (blood red in Greek), crocus flower. The crocus flower symbolizes both death (the saffron that is the spice) and rebirth (the golden crocus which brings renewal and joy) because Demeter wears them when Persephone returns from the underworld in myth.

So what we have is a spell called "binding oath of death and rebirth" which all around sounds fitting.

There might also be a "made in blood" tucked at the end due to the association of κρόκες with the color of blood.

But what does it matter?

Well, somewhat. As now with this name, I expect the binding between the spirit from the victim, the split soul, and the item would be done in a sort of oath - an orkus.

The association with blood gives us another hint. Blood is the part of the human body most representative of life. Therefore, in Alchemy, your blood is your spirit. So it'll make sense that your own blood would be used in the binding process or more correctly in the process of turning another person's spirit into your own. Making the thread to bind the body (item) and the soul piece your own. As it also refers to just a red firey color, it can indicate the Phlagatton potion I hypothesize should be part of the ritual due to how Chthonic rituals usually went, as the Phlagaton river is made of fire.

So we have a general idea on how to make a Horcrux. You need an item of your choice to bind your soul to. You need a life (spirit) harvested from a human that you transformed into being your own using your blood. And you need a piece of your own soul, which you get by killing yourself and then reviving yourself. And you finish it off by binding it all together with an oath.

But how could you make one accidentally?

So, everyone knows Voldemort succeeded in somehow making a Horcrux accidentally, something a lot of theories I saw don't account for. Becouse whatever process you need to go to to make a Horcrux, Voldemort went through all of it the night he died the first time and marked Harry.

All the steps for my method of making a Horcrux were met that night.

The item in qustion is baby Harry, nothing interesting there.

The soul sliver was split the way it always is — through death. Voldemort dies, killed by his own killing curse and that is what splits his soul.

The life or spirit that then binds his soul to Harry isn't Lily's spirit or James'; it's his own spirit that acts as a binder between Harry and Voldemort’s split soul. Because the spirit was already his, there was no need to transform it by blood.

Step-by-step guide to making Horcruxes:

I'm not going to actually give the full step-by-step least a budging dark lord is looking for this information. I do have notes about exact incantations and even the full recipe and instructions for the Phlagaton potion I'm going to mention. These instructions won't be here since they are more in the realm of speculation and headcanon. This is just the overview of the ritual based on canon information and the occult philosophy I mentioned above.

Step 1 - Life and Blood

Get access to a recently deceased human and extract their Mercury (Spirit or Life Essence).

Submerge the retrieved life essence with your own blood on a new moon (life and vitality). (7 drops of blood will probably do)

Step 2 - Water of Fire

To complete the cycle of death and rebirth you’ll need the Phlegeton Water potion to return you to life at the end of the cycle.

As you brew the potion, it must be brewed in a dark room, preferably underground to remind as much of the underworld as possible.

While brewing the potion one must be in the mindset of the Phlegeton, must be willing to go through agony to achieve eternal life and imbue these thoughts in their potion. (In alchemy, when working, it is believed you imbue your work with your thoughts during the Alchemical process. As an Alchemical process affects both the material being worked and the Alchemist themselves)

Likley Ingrediants:

Saffron spice

Golden crocus flower juice

Pomegranate juice

Step 3 - The Ritual Preparation

Set up your space so none of the components may escape the ritual space and so the ritual will not be interfered with.

Make sure the spirit you retrieved is within reach.

Make sure the item you desire will hold the Horcrux will be within reach as well.

Coax the spirit into the item and prepare it to tie your soul to the next step.

Step 4 - Death and Rebirth

To create a thread of your soul to tie to the ritual, you must die figuratively. Go through death to return stronger from the underworld.

Once you feel like death has reached you and your soul is separated you should heal your soul and finish the cycle, bringing you out of death and back to life by drinking the Phlegeton potion.

After the pain subsides you will feel healthier than before, stronger than before, and you’ll have an additional thread of sulfur (soul) in your chest to be pulled out and placed into the Horcrux.

The split-off soul should, on its own, try to search for life and a body to be bound to. If it doesn't, coax it out yourself and bind it to the Horcrux with the spirit you made in step 1.

Step 5 - Oath of Life

The connection between the body (the item), soul, and spirit is still unstable, if most likely strong enough to hold.

Swear the oath of life to finalise the bound between you, the Horcrux, and the soul thread together to ward off death.

I'll end with this note I made regarding Horcruxes when I started working on this theory:

I don't know what all goes into the process of making a Horcrux but I don't believe a person who truly likes themselves and doesn't want to inflict pain on themselves could make a Horcrux. Tearing up your soul is an act of arrogance above nature, sure, thinking you deserve to change the laws of the world and be the exception is part of it, but it's also an act of self-hatred. You need to hate yourself enough to be willing to kill yourself, hurt yourself, and tear yourself up in the most unnatural ways — hence why so few can do so, let alone more than once.

And Tom Riddle does seem to have that exact mix of arrogance, spite, and low self-esteem that would allow it.

[atlasdoe]

Hi my name is Ace and i'm board so here's a list of people who canonically went to Hogwarts at the same time as The Marauders in case anyone was interested.

(in low-key age order (or at least in terms of year at school)

Steve Laughalot - was captain of the slytherin quidditch team from 1968-1972

Lucius Malloy - was in his seventh year when severus snape joined hogwarts

Patricia Rakepick - was in her fifth year when the marauders first joined hogwarts and was friendly with them

Narcissa Black - was born in 1955

Davey Gudgeon - tried to touch the whomping willow when it was first planted in the marauders first year

Bertha Jorkins - was a few years older then the marauders and recognised peter from school. sirius remembered her after azkaban

Emma Vanity - was slytherin quidditch captain from 1972 - 1976

Florence Greengrass - was mentioned by bertha in a flashback from school

Gaspard Shingleton - was born in 1959

Mary MacDonald - was attacked at hogwarts by mulciber during the marauders fifth year

Lily Evans - was part of the class of 1978

Tilden Toots - was born in 1959

Adrian Carpenter - was part of the class of 1978

Alexander Stebbins - was in the same owls exam as the marauders making him part of the class of 1978

Severus Snape - was part of the class of 1978

Evan Rosier - was part of a group of slytherins that severus snape hung out with during school

Bruce Mulciber - was part of a group of slytherins that severus snape hung out with during school

Edmund Avery Jr - was part of a group of slytherins that severus snape hung out with during school

Juliette Wilkes - was part of a group of slytherins that severus snape hung out with during school

Gilderoy Lockheart - was born in 1964 (i ignore his age and make him in the same year as the marauders for shits and giggles)

Dirk Cresswell - was in the year below lily evans

Greta Catchlove - was born in 1960

Bertram Aubrey - was hexed by james potter and sirius black while at school

Regulus Black - was 18 years old when he died in 1979

Barty Crouch Jr - couldn't have been older then 19 when he was arrested in the early 80s

Lucinda Talkalot - was slytherin quidditch captain in 1976

Daisy Hockum - was born in 1962

Olivia Green - was part of the class of 1981

Duncan Ashe - was part of the class of 1981

Glenda Chittock - was born in 1964

Lord an D'Eath - was born in 1964

If you would like to know anything more about these characters I have a masterlist on google docs which include all of these and more characters along with everything we know about them in cannon :)

here's the link to that if you're interested :)

[sitp-recs]

Hey! Hope you're doing good!! :) I'm wondering if you know any Drarry fics that have mythological elements / stories as part of the plot. For example, a fic based on Greek myths like Hades/Persephone?

Hi anon! I’m doing great, what about you? :) oh that’s a really cool ask, I hope you enjoy these! I strongly recommend checking khalulu’s stuff as they always explore different mythologies and cultures across their works. I’d love to get more recs on this theme, too!

Nordic:

Veðr by @shealwaysreads (M, 3k)

Norsemen have ranged far enough inland to find Harry, alone and abandoned by his kith and kin. But they bring far more than danger with them, they bring adventure, they bring magic.

Swedish:

Sweden | A Midsummer Night’s Dream by @drarrelie (M, 5.5k)

With the war finally over, you’d think Harry would finally be granted that “normal life” he’s always dreamt about. Finally free from the Dursleys, from that nose-less megalomaniac, from Horcruxes, Hollows, Death Eaters, Dementors, Prophecies… you’d think that he, for the first time in his life, would be allowed to be just a normal teenager. You’d think he’d deserve that much, right?

Russian:

S’Mitten by khalulu (G, 6k)

Harry and Draco aren’t enemies any more, but it seems their history will always stand between them – so let’s try some other histories on for size! The fickle finger of fate is muffled in one of Mrs Weasley’s mittens. Did I mention kisses?

Norwegian:

East of the Sun and West of the Moon by khalulu (T, 6k)

One stormy Thursday evening, a big white bear named Draco turns up to carry Harry away from the dreadful Dursleys. They get along fairly happily together until one night Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him, and Draco is whisked away to his wicked aunt’s castle, East of the Sun and West of the Moon. It will take a strong wind to bring Harry that far…..

Albanian:

What Country, Friends, Is This? by khalulu (M, 8k)

When Harry and Draco are paired up for a nebulous “capstone project” in 8th year, Draco suggests they use it as an opportunity to take a free Grand Tour of Europe. Harry isn’t interested in being grand, and they soon veer off the beaten path. The journey to find what (and who) you really want can lead to unexpected places. (As well as Bertha Jorkins’ aunt, Illyrian Serpent cults, heroic baby Draco tales, and Slytherins singing Motown.)

Hindu:

Birds of Dreams / Remover of Obstacles / Guardian of Waters by khalulu (G, 12k)

Harry is exploring his Desi heritage, and Draco runs into him in colourful circumstances. Luna has a penchant for puns and the Patils watch Bollywood. Paper is folded, a flying carpet takes an Indian road trip, and a phoenix is found. Love blooms along the way, a flower that’s free.

Finnish:

Sparks from the Fox’s Tail by khalulu (T, 17k)

Draco is frustrated with his career as a travel writer, when a mini-tirade from Mrs Weasley and an encounter with the portrait of an intrepid great-great-great-aunt lead him to Finland to study wandless magic. Harry is – just being contrary and following his sweet-tooth, or taking the subtle route to saving the world?

Multiple:

The Hardest Hue To Hold by @cavendishbutterfly (M, 17k)

Harry needs to get the hell out of England. So he sets up a teaching assistantship in America, hops on a plane, and heads off to a fresh start. Except there’s a familiar face among the university faculty, and it’s really not the familiar face that Harry wanted. Or at least, it’s not who Harry wanted at first.

Irish:

Offer Up Our Hearts by @tackytigerfic (M, 23k)

Harry Potter has a very nice life, thank you very much. He's a top Curse-Breaker with a lucrative Ministry contract, and exciting prospects ahead. Sometimes he does wish that he had time to pursue something official with Draco Malfoy - they're half in love with each other, after all, and a great team (in and out of bed), though Draco is still one of the most infuriating people he knows.

Egyptian:

Memory Lost | You Found by @maraudersaffair (E, 30k)

After his Auror training, Harry's assigned to guard the Department of Mysteries - specifically the room where Malfoy is being held in comfortable captivity. Yet no one will tell him why, and what's more concerning? Malfoy doesn't remember Harry at all. To uncover the mystery, Harry must travel all the way to Egypt where he discovers a magical community living in the great pyramids and a long held secret that is dangerous to anyone who knows it.

Arthurian:

The Compact by astolat (E, 64k)

Hermione frowned. “The real question is why the magic of Britain would be failing now, in fact.” “That is not the real question!” Ron said loudly; he’d woken up fully by now, and Harry had too; it was starting to sink in that they’d found the problem. “The real question is, how do we fix it?”

Brazilian:

A Sense of Scale by @fantalfart and dragontamerdrarry (M, 70k)

In which Draco spends an obscene amount of time thinking of new nicknames for The Living Git, lying to himself and using his charms to seduce an extremely uncooperative sentient school.

Celtic:

The Stars Have Courage by @fantalfart (M, 85k)

Draco waited five long years to watch his husband wake up from a coma. He's not ready to meet a Harry with no memory of anything that happened after he died at The Battle of Hogwarts, twelve years ago.

Greek:

Close Behind by @oflights (M, 134k)

To rescue Draco from the Underworld, Harry has to look forward. Unfortunately, Draco has to look back.

Bonus: dark fae AU 🧚‍♂️

Mushrooms of Wiltshire by @shiftylinguini (T, 5k)

There's no point unpacking―Harry's not staying long, and besides, there's just bundled rags in his valise. The illusion of belongings, of a man heading to a new position at a prestigious manor―one beset with rumours of old magic and of impish forest dwellers causing chaos and mayhem amid the phosphorescent toadstool glow. Bugger the job. Harry's here for the rumours. He's been chasing them for years.

[athena-xox]

Florence Greengrass headcanons + introduction

She is a canonical marauders era character. She is mentioned once in a memory by Bertha Jorkins. Bertha caught Florence making out with a guy and then that guy saw Bertha and Bertha got hexed.

Florence doesn’t have a canon last name but my hc is that it’s Greengrass. Also Bertha is canonically older than the marauders so it makes sense Florence is as well. I hc that she was four years older and sorted into Slytherin.

In compassionate parents. Her older brother was Daphne and Astorias dad. She had a couple younger siblings and one of them was Xenophilius (Greengrass Xeno who took Pandoras last name for the win).

She was very much a party girl. Basic blonde. She’s literally high all the time. Low key toxic but we love her. She was raised on blood supremacy so she’s kind of a blood supremist but she mostly just doesn’t give a shit.

I ship her with Aurora Sinistra (free Aurora from Snapes gang, I’m all for denying canon but like come on). Anyways their dynamic is everything to her and I would write a fic if I had the mental capacity.

Obviously, I can’t just let her be happy this is the marauders era, so spoiler alert she dies.

No her death is not canon but I do headcannon that she became a death eater to protect Aurora since Aurora was a blood traitor who likely would have been killed.

I wish I could actually write because you know I would have a long canon complaint ff about them.

[enbysiriusblack]

Saw your post about Florence, is she an oc or something?

nope!! so she's a student at the same time as the marauders. she's mentioned one time in the books, as having kissed a boy behind the greenhouses, and bertha jorkins caught them and teased them afterwards so florence's boyfriend hexed her bertha.

that's literally all the canon information about her but here's some headcanons of mine for her:

a ravenclaw in the marauders' year group

best friends with emmeline vance and she also hangs out with benjy, caradoc, edgar, etc.'s group and mary macdonald often

from peckham, london

straight but made out with marlene once to 'see what it was like'

huge david essex fan

she was training to be a healer but dropped out from the stress/high workload and started working at her boyfriend's family's cafe in diagon alley instead, the two inheriting it as they got older

[whinlatter]

1, 2, 3, 12, 13, 14 for the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts *cackling in unseelie tones*

(ignore the previous ask pls! silly me, i chose the wrong no.)

ok… let’s have the tea on old dolores jane umbridge. i warn you, anon, that each of these answers is sillier than the last. RIP dolores* you would have loved valentino fall/winter 2022 🎀

1. Canon I outright reject

the weird girlishness of umbridge! it’s a real nuisance in canon for me. this is partly because it’s another example of jkr using being ‘girly’ as a sign a character is deserving of disrespect/mockery/contempt. but also because umbridge’s whole aesthetic presentation doesn’t really make sense for someone with her political ambitions. if you look at irl right wing female politicians, especially of umbridge’s generation, they almost always play with gender performance/deploy their femininity in very specific ways. eg: they lower their voices, they eschew open performance of patterns of behaviour and dress coded as female unless it’s to invoke a very specific officious schoolmistress vibe (more in mcgonagall’s vein). it’s clear that umbridge is someone of senior political standing who manages to rise up to a position of power in three governments (fudge, scrimgeour and voldemort/thicknesse). in all three instances, her holding a senior position would require a certain level of support from her colleagues i struggle to imagine a woman with an exclusively pink wardrobe with such openly twee taste managing to garner within a ministry that is extremely gender regressive (because the ministry does seem to have a gender problem, in that the only senior female official we encounter in canon other than umbridge is amelia bones, bertha jorkins and two mentions of griselda marchbanks - all other ministers, heads of department are men). so yeah never really made a ton of sense to me other than this is jkr’s yawn takes on girlbossery again. snore!

2. A canon/headcanon hill I will die on

umbridge and rita exchange christmas cards and meet for quarterly brunch to engage in a tit-for-tat exchange of info and influence. ofc they absolutely loathe each other and are competing to outlive each other so whoever dies first doesn’t get the pleasure of writing the other’s horrible obituary

3. Obscure headcanon

umbridge is such a fan of the popular muggle television programme antiques roadshow and tried unsuccessfully to exert her influence to get the wizarding wireless to adapt the format so she can get her extensive collection of pureblood paraphernalia valued

12. Crack headcanon

umbridge actually suffers from a very common form of colour blindness that mistakes reds for greens so thinks she’s actually wearing head to toe pistachio

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

‘filthy half breeds’ like… girl

14. Most heroic moment

wearing a horcrux necklace in literally the most prominent place possible to make for remarkably easy stealing

* i’m aware in canon she’s not dead but i like to think she one day paused to consider how hagrid must have been conceived and the shock of it killed her instantly

[racfoam]

Some things to know that happened in 4th Year of nynn

Harry gets a scratching 'I think I heard that name before' the first time Bertha Jorkins is involved

Harry and Cedric walk together around the woords searching for the Portkey while talking about Quidditch, they dance together at the World Cup Celebrations

Harry freezes solid when she sees the Dark Mark

Harry feels like she is being watched by Moody during his entrance (she is)

Harry has tea with Moody after the Unforgivables class, he gives her the book Seeker Tactics that's fifty galleons, told to be gifted to him by an 'old friend'

Harry cheers Cedric on when he gets chosen as Champion (her clapping is the loudest on the Gryffindor table)

this silly writer still hasn't decided whether to have Ron & Harry argue as in the books because their dynamic is different, might make a poll

Skeeter is nosy and asks Harry about her soulmate. Harry tells her to piss off. Voldemort reads the newspaper of that article with a bit of amusement

Triwizard Champions get their outfits tailored especially for them to keep them safe and all are equal in quality; it is paid by the Department of Magical Sports

Voldemort listens to the wizarding radio that covers the triwizard tournament during the First Task, Sirius sneaks into a wizarding pub in his dog form to watch it across wizarding television (it isn't exactly a television, more like a big prophecy ball projecting in the air)

upon hearing Harry doesn't know how to dance Professor McGonagall organizes the dance lesson for the entire House and other Heads follow this, too

Harry helps Ron finally pluck up the courage to ask Hermione to the Yule Ball

Harry gets asked by a Beauxbatons boy and a Durmstrang boy who are perfect gentlemen and politely accept when Harry declines them. Harry decides to go with the twins if she doesn't find anyone

Harry and Cedric practice dancing in the kitchens while the elves encourage them (the elves have a betting pool)

after dancing a few dances with Cedric (more than three) Harry dances with the Beaxbatons boy and later the Durmstrang boy who both asked her for the Yule Ball prior. Harry also dances with Hermione (Hermione leads), Hermione dances with Krum, Harry dances with the twins

Hermione is the thing Harry will miss most, Ron doesn't get taken

The lake is 2°C in February, they wear insulated long-sleeved swimsuits magicked with layers of warming charms. The fabric itself has runes stitched on them.

the champions take the boats to the center of the lake and Moody pushes Harry in

Harry & Cedric go on a date in Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day

Harry freezes again when a seemingly crazy Mr Crouch mentions the Dark Lord

Barty gets too many heart attacks for his own good, somebody help the poor man

The Cave Trip with Sirius is interesting, Sirius is dangerously close to figuring it out

Addition, I can’t believe I forgot to mention this because it's pretty important for Harry/Cedric

after the World Cup, Cedric visits the Weasleys asking Harry if she wants to go flying with him. He and Harry go flying (they fly low and race) to the top of Stoatshead Hill where they sit together under a tree (I have yet to decide what tree) with a great view on the horizon. They start doing this every day until the end of summer, spending the early morning together, watching the sun rise. Mrs Weasley starts packing Harry sandwiches — they have big picnics under that tree. This is a pretty important thing because it builds their friendship. Also, the food I think I went for are strawberries.

[saintsenara]

bertha jorkins/petunia's friend yvonne (ladies who travel?)

muriel prewett/orion black (giving dy-nasty?)

piers polkiss/pansy parkinson or piers polkiss/peter pettigrew (does alliteration = a lotta love?)

cheers pal, some great choices here.

bertha jorkins/yvonne the surrey jet-setter

let me take this opportunity to congratulate you publicly on being so obsessed with yvonne, who is mentioned once in philosopher's stone being a pal to our harry by being on her hols in majorca when the dursleys are trying to get out of having to take their nephew to the zoo.

petunia's vibe when she tells vernon that yvonne's sunning herself is very much giving frenemy, and so i do think that yvonne is probably a little bit brassy and glam [this is the early 90s, so i think she dresses and behaves exactly like meg ryan in when harry met sally - yes, right down to the fact that she once humiliated petunia by faking an orgasm in the middle of a wimpy] in a way petunia, who considers herself classy, is secretly quite jealous of and so goes out of her way to sniff at.

bertha - we know from canon - is also a bit brassy [which is one of the reasons that she's treated so dismissively by the men in charge of the ministry - she's seen as a stereotypical "dumb blonde"]. the two of them meet getting french tips or getting their highlights done, start having a chinwag about how they love an all-inclusive and how much they adored robin hood: prince of thieves, and have booked the tickets for a girly fortnight in ayia napa within the hour.

and yvonne - who's a canny lass - would never let bertha do something as dangerous as wander off into a wood on the expectation of banging peter pettigrew [bertha... hun... even voldemort felt sorry for you...]. she tells the creep they meet in some mysterious albanian tavern to clear off because the two of them are a couple.

it then occurs to them both that they... should be.

they're very happy.

orion black/muriel prewett

muriel is almost forty years older than orion, which means that i back this purely in that i've seen the graduate.

muriel thinks it's a shame that the young pureblood men have no vigour nowadays, and so she considers it her duty to train them up before they're let loose on young women their own age. she never thinks of them again after she grows bored of them - after all, she has no interest in looking after a man, be real.

the experience has a rather more pronounced impact on orion. it's odd that the walburga we meet in canon appears to be ancient - with her yellowing skin and her widow's weeds - even though she's only in her sixties [which, since wizards age much slower than muggles, is probably the conceptual equivalent of her being in her forties] when she dies.

but we've stumbled upon the reason here.

orion made her do muriel-themed age play.

pansy parkinson/piers polkiss

yeah, i reckon you could get through at least a couple of months of a situationship purely sustained by your shared experience of being continually pied by the blonde bully you're in love with.

peter pettigrew/piers polkiss

flopping, i fear. piers' rodenty vibes are giving "goes to goldsmiths and takes ket in a warehouse", whereas wormtail's are giving "prison".

[violetthistle1]

“You mentioned other unusual activity. What does that include?” Remus interjected. 

“A witch by the name of Bertha Jorkins has gone missing, for one thing.” 

“Bertha? A few years ahead of us, never could stop talking?” Sirius asked.

“That’s the one. She went on holiday in Albania and never returned.”

“Albania you say? That’s intriguing.” Remus responded. 

“Indeed.” He and Remus shared a look, both knowing there was no need to elaborate further on the significance of this. 

****

Dignity be Damned, chapter 26: A Meeting with Dumbledore, excerpt 1

Chapters 1-26 are available on Ao3 now!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50555698/chapters/130608169

[impishtubist]

I can buy “almost everyone has a crush on Sirius,” he’s rather attractive so like 90% of the Hogwarts population has a crush on him, but he is not interested at all. We know he presumably paid attention to other students, as he recalls what Bertha Jorkins (or whatever her name was, the lady who went missing in GOF and revealed to Voldemort BCJ was alive) was like as a student, but he’s not personally interested in them.

So there was a period of time in the early 2000s when Sirius's wife was Bertha Jorkins whenever someone wrote a Sirius/FC fic but didn't want to write an original character............and I think it's because she's literally the only female character he mentions anything about lmao. All that to say, you're RIGHT, he's just not interested and I really don't think he paid that much attention to anyone outside of the 3 people he tolerated.

[chdarling]

I stumbled upon Wiki page about Bertha Jorkins where it says she caught his friend kissing behind the Hogwarts greenhouses.

Then I looked up at the source which was "GOF chapter 30" and found out during Dumbledore's pensieve moment where she said "I'd seen him kissing Florence behind the greenhouses last Thursday...."

It reminded me immediately of that Flormes kissing moment like omg the book only mentioned the name once and yet you made it a whole character! I don't even remember that it was in the book. That level of detail your story has is just top-notch. *Chef's kiss*

People realizing that Florence is (kind of) a canon character is one of my favorite things hahaha

Thanks so much for your message and kind words 💕💕💕

[dyslexicdictation]

Marauders Era - Pets Headcanon

Pets I believe the Marauders and other Marauder Era students would have with them at school or at home, not necessarily in accordance to the ‘Owl, cat or toad.’ rules you see mentioned in the books/films. Also I know I’m missing some students, but I may add more upon request. Hope you enjoy!

Gryffindor Students

James Potter - Golden Retriever

Sirius Black - Belgian Sheepdog

Remus Lupin - American Barn Owl

Peter Pettigrew -  Rat and/or Pug

Lily Evans -  Calico cat

Mary Macdonald -  Eurasian Pygmy Owl

Frank Longbottom - American Bullfrog

Alice Fortescue -  Ragamuffin

Gideon Prewett - Ferret

Fabian Prewett - Ferret

Slytherin Students

Severus Snape - Tuxedo Cat and/or European green toad

Regulus Black - Mexican Black Kingsnake

Corban Yaxley - Ball Python or  Bull Terrier

Evan Rosier -   Fraser's Eagle-Owl

Augustus Rookwood - Norwegian Forest Cat and/or Irish Wolfhound 

Emma Vanity - Boreal Owl

Lucinda Talkalot - Munchkin Cat

Dorcas Meadowes - Goliath Frog

Hephaestus Mulciber II -  Rottweiler

Hufflepuff Students

Daisy Hookum -  Scottish Curl

Tilden Toots - Guinea Pigs

Edgar Bones -  Burrowing Owl

Amelia Bones -  Persian Cat

Florence Fawley -  Screech Owl

Ravenclaw Students

Gilderoy Lockhart - Siamese Flame Point

Kingsley Shacklebolt -  Abyssinian

Reginald Cattermole -  Holland Lop Rabbit

Bertha Jorkins - Singapura and/or Grey Parrot

[shallowgravesrp]

"quote to be picked by player.”

Ted Tonks

Age: Twenty-One

House: Hufflepuff

Affiliation: Neutral

Career: UP TO PLAYER!

aesthetics: fifteen.

what we all know: Being a muggleborn feels like a crime these days and Ted isn’t one for feeling like a criminal for something he can’t control. He’s a good person, he keeps his head down and nose out of other peoples business. Falling in love with Andromeda was the light in the darkness but even that was snuffed as quickly as the flame was lit. Now it feels like the whole world is engulfed in darkness. Now, he’s fighting his way up to find the light in the situation around him and he’s determined to succeed one way or another.

biography to be written by player

ANDROMEDA BLACK - He thought that losing Andromeda would kill him, he swore up and down that there was no way that he was going to survive loosing her but he did. Ted swears that he’ll never let that woman feel that way again. He’s better off without her and he intends to prove that to her–and himself.

FRANK LONGBOTTOM - He likes Frank, even more so he feels as though he can trust him. These days that’s rare. He likes the idea of having someone that he can count on.

BERTHA JORKINS - Bertha is the type of person that Ted can’t stand. He finds himself keeping a certain distance between himself and her. The last thing he needs is someone talking about him to other people. This is the time to keep his nose down and himself safe.

CONNECTIONS TED TONKS IS MENTIONED IN

Ted Tonks is currently a OPEN role with the faceclaim of (UP TO PLAYER).

[theperfectstormrp]

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

Rita Skeeter

Age: Twenty Three

Affiliation: Neutral

Blood Status: Halfblood

Career: Witch Weekly Editor & Writer

RUMOR HAS IT… When it comes to Rita Skeeter the only thing she knows are lies, she knows them so well that she believes them to be true. There’s not a person that she loves more than herself and she’d sell out her own mother to save her precious skin.

For all her life Rita was told constantly, an accident that came from a one night stand with a drunk muggle man whose name her mother just couldn’t remember and a woman who made it clear that being a mother wasn’t what she wanted to do with her life. Renee had dreams outside of being a mother, in fact, the only dream she didn’t have was being a mother. But she stuck around and reminded Rita constantly that she should be grateful that her mother hadn’t left her in a cardboard box on the street. However, there were times that the little blonde wondered if life would have been easier if she was left out on the streets. Her only solace came from the books that she was able to get from the muggle library, it was in those stories that she drowned her sorrows, soon learning to make up her own stories. In her imagination she was with a mother and father who loved her, in her imagination she was a princess who’d someday be Queen, providing for herself without help from anyone. Rita vowed to make these dreams a reality. She would be a Queen and she wouldn’t need anyone. She’d always known she was a Witch thus her letter from Hogwarts was no surprise to her. Sorted into Ravenclaw she soon learned that Hogwarts was more than a school, for her it was a home, a better home than anything she’d ever known. She didn’t just do well, she thrived in the environment. Constantly putting herself in the spotlight, Rita was intelligent but she didn’t just want to be smart she wanted to be the best. Half of the reason she studied as hard as she did was so that she could be the one with the answer, when her hand was in the air and eyes were on her because she knew the answer unlike those around her. While her high marks were unnoticed by her mother it only made her want to work harder. Wandless magic came easier for Rita than it did for others and she soared in Transfiguration so well that McGongall took to teaching her on the side, something that she frequently did with those that caught her eye. There was no denying that Rita was brilliant, she could do anything that she wanted once graduation approached but instead of joining the Auror career as was suggested it was writing that called to her. All of those books that had been her first friend coming to shape the person that she’d become.

Graduating she went off and began applying anywhere and everywhere, her mother may not have been able to make a name for herself but Rita sure would -- just to show her that she had never been the problem. The Daily Prophet wanted her, they guaranteed her a safe, well-paying job that would put her writing articles for them. But it was no secret that everything coming from the Prophet was censored by the Ministry and Rita wouldn’t be silenced by anyone again. It was the call from Witch Weekly, pitching that they wanted to start a gossip column that spiked her attention. It would be long hours, the pay wasn’t that great to start off with and if it didn’t work she would be out of a job before too long. To most, it would seem like an idiot move to take the risk but Rita knew that she was worth it, that she would succeed. She was too stubborn to fail, after all. 

The gossip column took off and before she knew it everyone knew her name. Most people hated her because the information she wrote about didn’t have to be true and that’s what made it all the fun. She could write whatever she wanted to, her mind took off and soon she had information coming in from everywhere, people begging her to write about them or write about someone that they hated. Or someone that they loved. It was the little things that she published and it was the big things, the real things that Rita kept tucked to the side, saving the information for a day when she needed it.

Soon it wasn’t enough for her, the drive to keep growing speaking up again, she wanted a better way to get the information that she wanted to write about and if that meant going undercover then so be it. However, the way she went under the radar was unorthodox, she trained herself in her downtime and became an unregistered animgaus. Rita called up everything she’d learned in transfiguration and did learn how to manipulate her own body into what she wanted to be, the shape she took reflecting her personality -- a beetle. Being able to slide into where she wanted and learn what she wanted to was one of the best things that had happened to her. She would not fail now.  Her information was growing, the more that she knew the easier it was to get things from people. Sure, Blackmail hadn’t been why she’d picked this job but it did make it all the more fun. People didn’t like her but they’d sure as hell respect her. Her success in her career continued to soar for when the original editor and owner of Witch Weekly stepped down Rita was placed in charge. The War changed everything for most around her, the dark times that fell were cold and they were sad and not even Rita was untouched by it. Her mother had made the wrong friends and promised things she could deliver which ultimately lead to her demise. Try as she might Rita couldn’t be sad about this, while she had stopped talking to her mother five years ago the woman had long since lost her only daughter.

SYBILL TRELAWNEY – A singular pain in her arse and yet there’s nothing about Trelawney that Rita would dream of changing. Friends are something she struggles with, something she’s always struggled with but no matter what she does Sybill doesn’t let Rita push her away. She’d never admit it aloud but she’s thankful that this woman is in her life.

ANTONIN DOLOHOV – Rita knows that her mouth and the things she publishes will likely get her into trouble. Little did she know trouble was going to be in the delicious form of Antonin Dolohov who is determined to get her to follow a set of standards that simply goes against everything she stands for.

BERTHA JORKINS – Rita’s no stranger to being disliked, even more so, she’s no stranger to people pretending to like her while they’re waiting for her to fall. Rita plays nice with Bertha for now, but all it would take is one word from the other woman to cause the reporter to snap.

OTHER CONNECTIONS – BIOS RITA SKEETER IS MENTIONED IN.

Rita Skeeter is currently a TAKEN character with a FC of Elizabeth Olsen.

[anendofeverything]

The Triwizard Champions

Viktor retired from Quidditch in 2002, after Bulgaria were defeated in the final. Later he would come out of retirement to compete in the 2014 World Cup which the Bulgarian side famously won, beating Brazil. Eventually, Viktor found love with someone from his native Bulgaria.

Fleur would marry Bill Weasley in the August of 1997, before later fighting alongside her husband in the Battle of Hogwarts on May 2nd, 1998. Fleur and Bill would go on to have three children - Victoire, Dominique, and Louis.

Cedric was selected as the Triwizard Champion for Hogwarts in his sixth year, only to later be murdered by Peter Pettigrew on the order of Lord Voldemort. Cedric’s echo would appear during Priori Incantatem and with the echoes of Bertha Jorkins, Frank Bryce, and James and Lily Potter, he would help Harry Potter escape the graveyard. Harry would honour his last request, and return Cedric’s body to his parents.

Harry would spend what should’ve been his seventh and final year on the run hunting down Horcruxes, accompanied by Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. The trio would make their way back to Hogwarts for the final battle, where Harry would defeat Lord Voldemort for good. After the War, Harry eventually became Head Auror, as well as occasionally guest lecturing on the subject of Defence Against the Dark Arts. Harry wed Ginny Weasley and had three children with her - James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna. Harry also helped Andromeda Tonks in raising her grandson, (his Godson), Teddy Lupin.