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kiddbegins · 1 year

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begin again

evan buckley x oc

aka me posting my buck x gwen first date for no reason

“On a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it Begin Again.”

Gwen stood in her bedroom, digging around through her clothes for the right thing to wear. Was this a casual thing? Yes. Did she want to dress super casual? No. Because this was the first time in months that she was allowing herself to have an ounce of happiness. Allowing herself to go out there and let someone see the rawest form a girl could have.

The outfit she chose went perfectly with a pair of heels she had bought last year but never worn. Jeremy never let her. Not to a party, not even to a business meeting he had had. So really it was a mystery if they fit. Guess now was a good time to try them on… right?

Hesitantly, she slipped the shoes on, double checking herself in the full length mirror behind her door. It was good. It was nice, didn’t scream business meeting or ‘hey lets ditch and have sex’, and considering she had work in only a couple hours and this was just coffee and pastries at a cafe, it felt perfect.

Her parents were out, their ritual was to have breakfast out at least twice a week. Today was one of the days so she was alone in her thoughts as she left the house. She plugged her phone into her car to play some music for the drive. Only fifteen minutes.

And those fifteen minutes were full of anxiety. Would Buck like her outfit? Like her on the side of things where she wasn’t a firefighter? Her heart was racing but she shook her head. If it didn’t work out like that, they’d be friends. Regardless of status, they’d already interacted enough to stay friends if everything plummeted.

She had to keep reminding herself that as she parked, all the spaces for the block were taken so she was a bit away when she finally got out. The cafe was around the corner and she fiddled with the hem of her shirt before starting the walk there.

With every step she went over what she expected to happen. She was a boring, unfunny mess so if anything Evan would probably get out of there earlier than expected, causing her to carry her half of the check and head to work licking her wounds.

The bell above the door jingled, alerting anyone around of her presence and she spotted her date at a table in the middle of the room. He saw her almost instantly, how could he not? Everytime the bell rang from the front he turned in his seat to see if she was now coming his way. The first 7 times it wasn’t, but it was now.

Instantly, he stood, smiling widely while waving her over. Gwen walked over to him, letting out a light breath before smiling back at him. It was impossible not to. “Hey,” He went in for a hug, wrapping his arms lightly around her before moving to pull the chair out for her. Something she was not used to one bit.

“Hi,” She smiled softly, sitting in the seat and watching as he moved to sit back down. He’d already had a cup of coffee on the table but that was it, it seems he was waiting for her to even have something to nibble on. “How’s your morning been?” She added, a lady coming over to get an order in for the two.

Once she left, Buck shrugged. “Can’t complain. Not gonna lie I was worried you weren’t going to show.” He offered right off the bat, causing Gwen’s eyebrows to raise. And here she was thinking that he wasn’t going to be all that excited to see her.

She hid a smile before shaking her head, “I’m not exactly a flaker.”

“Thank god, imagine how embarrassing that’d be for me.” He joked, taking a sip of his extremely light coffee.

Gwen noticed the color of it and chuckled lightly. “How much cream is in that cup?”

“Probably about 50% of it.” He laughed and shook his head, “Nah, maybe like 4 of those little cups they give you. She gave me a weird look when I was putting them in too.” He sat back as Gwen’s coffee was brought out along with two muffins. One chocolate chip, one blueberry. The chocolate one was Buck’s.

She reached over and grabbed three of the equal packets, swirling it into her coffee. “Dark and sweet.” Buck spoke, “Light and bitter, two sides of a coin.” He stated and Gwen nodded. If it were Jeremy he would have rolled his eyes and told her not to waste the sugar in a drink where you can’t even taste it.

The thought of him made her shift in her seat, crossing her ankles loosely. Buck didn’t notice the slight change in demeanor so he leaned forward slightly. “Not to be the person that asks a million questions on a first date but this is a need to know, what music do you listen to? Because I listen to a mix of like rock and pop but I don’t think I can stand someone that listens to hard rap or something. No offense if you do but-”

“Evan,” She cut in with a laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t listen to hard rap. Or country really? Though there are some songs that I could scream at the top of my lungs. Mainly classic rock, my dad was a big metal head in his day and age. And of course hispanic music, being Cuban I couldn’t go any night in the summer without my neighbors blaring the music so loud that I’m positive you could hear it three blocks away.” Gwen tended to ramble when it came to things she liked talking about.

Music was one of those topics. She could go on and on about the classic rock band Queen, or Fleetwood Mac to Celia Cruz. “Yeah? Around my neighborhood if the neighbors could hear your music then you were being an inconvenience.” Buck countered, looking at her with awe. “But I’m glad we got that covered, cause like I said, I’m peculiar about my music choices.”

“I feel like everyone is peculiar in their taste of something. Like for instance if you like mint chocolate chip ice cream I might have to just up and leave this table right now,” Now she was joking to an extent but the taste of that flavor ice cream made her want to gag.

By the look on Buck’s face, he was guilty of her charge, “Okay well this was nice,” She fake got up before shaking her head, “No I’m kidding but don’t ever ask me to have a bite.”

He held up his right hand and nodded, “Swear.” A solid laugh came out of his mouth, catching her by surprise. Nobody ever thought she was funny. Any joke she tried to do was met with a blank face, maybe a pair of rolled eyes before the conversation continued.

In response to Buck’s laugh a grin spread on her face, “What’s your favorite band? You said you like classic rock right?” She asked, picking off a piece of her muffin to eat.

He didn’t answer right away, there was a clear sign of thought on his face. Thinking over his answer. “Hm, I like a lot of them, what a heavy question.” He mumbled with a light smile, looking down at his hands in a bout of concentration.

“Cause like, Queens iconic, so many good songs. But if I’m honest I really like The Animals. They have some really good songs. House of the Rising Sun is a classic.”

“No way, that’s been one of my favorites since I was little. I had a neighbor when I was a kid that only listened to like obscure bands and they were one of them. I have basically all of their albums in some form.” Gwen rushed out excitedly, seeing the smile on Buck’s face widen as she spoke more.

The boy leaned forward happily, “You get it! God I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that actually likes their music or has it anywhere but Spotify.”

The two rambled about classic rock for the next twenty minutes, who the best Beatles member was, which Motley Crue song they listened to most. It was as if the two were catching up after not seeing each other for ages rather than a first date.

“You know,” Buck randomly spoke after a moment of silence for both of them to drink the coffees in front of them. “I never understood the people that call the sun a planet.” He finally took a bite of his muffin and it was giant. The entire top was basically off of it, that's how big of a bite it was.

Gwen’s eyebrows raised in surprise as Buck ate it peacefully. “For example, I was out on this call once, and the guy was making a solar system diorama for his kid. But the sun was labeled a planet. Only noticed because he had somehow managed to get a skewer through his cheek, was going to leave that out but felt like you’d ask how I’d notice that little detail. Anyway I tried to correct him but he insisted he was right.”

He rolled his eyes. Finishing the top of his muffin while Gwen was still picking at hers. Though she was a sucker for talking about music or things she was interested in, when it came to stuff she wasn’t knowledgeable on or didn’t like, she fell quiet. Shy even.

“I love space, I don’t really know much but it’s so beautiful. I’d love to visit like Mars, or maybe one that hasn’t been visited.” She offered, there wasn’t much she knew about space so she just offered up the closest thing that she did. It was beautiful.

He finished off his coffee before looking at her, “Same, but I’m staying away from venus. You know it's the hottest planet in the solar system? You’d think it’s mercury but nope, venus.” Buck spewed off a random fact, catching Gwendolyn’s attention more than he already did.

She flinched back as her face twisted in confusion, “Oh? Why?” She was interested in what he had to say, maybe it was the idea of still learning new things at 26 or maybe it was his excited expression as he thought over what he was gonna say briefly before talking. Whichever it was, he was ready to offer up any information.

“Mercury has almost no atmosphere, which is what would hold in the heat from the sun. Unlike Venus, which has a suuuuper thick and heavy atmosphere. Have you ever been in a real greenhouse?” Buck was talking with his hands the entire time, and Gwen could pinpoint the excitement down his fingers.

“Uh…” She had to think, Rhode Island didn’t have many areas for stuff like that. “I don’t think I can say I have.” New York didn’t have any either, well, at least not that she knew of.

Buck scooched his seat closer, trying to keep his voice to where only the two of them could hear. “Well, Venus’ atmosphere makes it like a greenhouse, super hot and toxic. I’m talking ‘melt and erode you’ toxic.” He went on for a few minutes about the atmosphere and how Venus didn’t have enough water to bring co2 levels down and there was too much sulfur.

Gwen simply sat with her legs crossed and listened. Hopefully some of the information would stick and she’d be able to tell her parents about the planets and everything else Evan was so happily rambling about.

Both of their drinks were gone by now and same went for their muffins. The last ten minutes had just been pointless conversation about whatever came up as a topic.

“So why’d you become a firefighter?” Gwen asked, finally landing on the reason the two had even met. And what a terrifying first day it was. Buck’s face twinged down, causing her to lean forward slightly. “Unless you don’t want to talk about it.” She offered.

It was ingrained in her mind to always make sure the other person being talked to was comfortable. “I do, I became a firefighter because I knew that helping people, and having a sort of reason to my life was what I needed.” He offered, his eyes going down to a random stain on the table. A spot of coffee that he had spilt earlier.

“From what I saw at that highrise, you’re doing good.” Gwen offered. It was true, hearing how he (and Eddie) had handled both the girl and the injured man during that earthquake was amazing.

He slightly nodded, seeming to get into his head for a moment or so, some sort of hidden demon in his mind grabbing a hold while he sat for a nice morning meal. “Anyway, what about you?” He was good at diverting, bringing the conversation to someone other than himself when it came to topics that he didn’t want to talk about.

It was something he had developed the skill for in his earlier 20’s.

“Oh-, well, when I was younger my mom had really bad chest pains. So bad that she couldn’t even move to call 911. I was like, 12? Had never had something like that happen. She managed to get me to call them and they talked me through everything but being so vulnerable, so… open to the worst possible outcome, made me realize I want to help others the way that person at dispatch helped me.” The wrapped for the muffin was rolled and still being twisted between her fingers as she spoke.

It was hard then, her dad had been just out of town for some lawsuit, and her mom was so scared. Sarah was out with friends and Charlie was just a baby. Buck’s face fell soft, it seemed like a horrifying moment for anyone, especially a preteen.

“I’m sorry. Did she end up being okay?” He tentatively asked, unsure of what else to really say, parents can be a touchy subject. Trust that he knew. When Gwen nodded he let out a soft sigh of relief.

She placed the wrapper down gently, “Oh, yeah yeah, she made it. Everything was fine. Emphasis on was.” In an attempt to cut herself off from talking she dragged her eyes across the nearly spotless floors of the cafe.

Peaking at the strangers and how happy they seemed to be in their own social bubbles. When her eyes came back to Evan’s he had a look that came off like he wanted to know more, “I say was cause um, she has breast cancer now. Late stages. Don’t know if she’ll be able to get better but I’m okay, please, please, don’t give me that pity look.” It was one she didn’t know well in her own experience but had seen it enough around her to point it out.

On Buck it was his eyebrows tugging down along with the corners of his lips. “I’m not trying to, but I just, I am sorry that sucks. A lot. We can change the subject. Like, dream vacation spot?” He threw on a happy aura that slowly but surely dragged Gwen out by the hair.

“Hm, Venice probably. I want to ride on a gondola more than I want anything in this world. Maybe even more than be a firefighter.” She joked softly, earning another soft chuckle from the blonde across from her.

He nodded, his smile still as bright as the north star, “That’s a solid choice. I have a lot of choices and that’s definitely up there.” Which wasn’t exactly a proper answer to the question but seeing as it was pretty much time for them to head out, Gwen didn’t question it.

Both of their watches beeped: ten past nine. Meaning it was time to go. Buck stood first, tossing both of their trash away. Easily he pushed his chair in and offered his hand out to Gwen for her to take, leading them out of the building.

“This is kind of good, both working the same, or similar in time shifts. Makes hanging out wayy easier.” Evan stated, squinting as they stepped back into the sun, Gwen’s opposite hand going up to shield her eyes. He was right.

Dating as a first responder was hard. It isn’t easy for people that don’t get it. Same goes for doctors and such. Being with someone that has an odd schedule is difficult to adjust to. But other firefighters or paramedics could make it work.

As they walked down to her car, just chatting, Gwen wanted to tell him a million things. How she felt more accepted in this short date than the entirety of her last relationship. Or that him just getting her was such a refreshing change from Jeremy.

And she almost did.

Almost.

“You know, around this time of year my sister and I would always, always, watch the Halloween Town movies? It was always her favorite.” He broke their silence just a few feet from her car. Bringing the brunette’s attention back to him in that very moment.

She stopped them at the car, him looking it over. 2017 black Elantra. “Those are all really good movies. My favorite is the… third? One? The high school one.” She countered, facing him.

“Personally I love the original. A true classic.” He offered, leaning against the car like a cool guy in an early 2000’s romcom. “What other movies do you like? Childish or not.” It felt as if he didn’t want this date to end. Not that Gwen did either.

She held onto her purse strap tightly as she thought, “Childish would be Disney’s Hercules. Non would be this comedy I saw a few years ago, Without A Paddle. Super funny.”

“Never heard of it.” Buck’s words caused the girl to gasp. It was an amazing movie.

She shook her head quickly. “What? You have to. It has Matthew Lillard in it and hes amazing. So are the other guys, Dax Shepard and Seth Green.” Gwen listed off, the movie being so ingrained in her mind that she could pretty much quote half of it right in that moment.

Buck shrugged, “I’m sorry,” Quick glance to his watch, “I love this conversation but I have to go… maybe we can watch that together sometime?” He asked causing Gwen to stop mid sentence, a blush falling over her cheeks.

A second date. So this one went well. She went all out of her usual comfort zone and it went well. “Yeah, yeah we should.” She replied and Buck once again nodded, waving and giving his goodbyes before walking the way they came, to find his own jeep.

Once he was gone Gwen grinned widely, getting into her car.

Eveything about today was different. The past eight months had been nothing but hell. Love had scorned her more times than she could count, Jeremy worse than others. But Evan felt different. In a world of black cats he was a golden retriever. It was… refreshing?

That wasn’t exactly the word that Gwen wanted to use but it’s what she felt. Everything felt better. Bigger. Comfier.

So on this beautiful Wednesday morning. Gwen could feel it Beginning Again.

#evan buckley #gwendolyn reyes #buckgwen my people #oc #911 on fox #911onfox #911onabc #911 fox #911 show #abc #fox

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dreams-of-valeria · 2 years

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CHAPTER TWO

For the next hour or so, I couldn’t get that out of my mind. I struggled to come to grips in the beginning but by the end of my spiral, I had decided that it was just a sick joke. A man of his stature, assumingly, was embarrassed, obviously and wanted to teach me a lesson. He probably thought I’d show up exactly at 7 all eager and curious and get stood up like a chump.

Well, not this chump, pal.

And to be honest, I had forgotten about the entire ordeal come high tea time.

It was the busiest hour for the bakery, what with all the yoga classes, Pilates, and whatever health savvy the millennials of LA did these days ending. And Ava just happened to be on leave today. But I couldn’t blame her, her IBS was flaring up.

Although it wasn’t what I pictured when I was 10 years old and wanted to open a bakery of my own, Cleo's was IBS central. Sugar free, gluten free, locally sourced, organic, vegan, yada yada yada. Sure, it was healthy but at what cost?

Unfortunately, I was a slave to capitalism. Envision doesn’t pay the bills. You catered to the majority’s needs. And the majority of downtown LA just happened to be inane and couldn’t wait 5 extra fucking minutes for his matcha tea.

And to think, only 10,000 years ago we were hunters in unprocessed leopard skins. Times have changed. Kind of.

I really underestimated Ava’s quiet but formidable presence. Did she creep patrons off with her cold and off putting persona sometimes? Sure. But that girl moved the walnut cookies like it was nobody’s business. They tasted vile and bitter no matter how many changes I made to the batter, but something about having nuts in confections especially in the off season really seemed to cream their pants. Ironically, we served nothing with cream. Not real cream, at least.

And she gathered tips upto half the jar too. I didn’t know how she did it.

The tip jar today, however, was fittingly scraping the bottom. The bottommost dollar wouldn’t be useful anyway because of the remnants of chewing gum some poser thought it would be funny to drop in.

It was a good day financially, but it was kicking my ass. Drops of sweat pooled down my chest and at the dam of my bra. I hated not being sweat free but there was just so much moving around. The muffins on display weren’t structurally pleasing enough for an Instagram post so could I please check in the back? Usually, I didn’t mind it but I was just nitpicky today. The good news was that I could just sleep it off and not feel this way the next day, hopefully.

It’s not like there was much for me to do after work anyway. I just like the change of place. My therapist once told me it was something about how I wanted to control time, and I agree. Everyday I’m frustrated that after all the leaps we’ve made in technology we’re yet to conquer time. What were the kids at CalTech doing anyway? It was long overdue.

“I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.”

I dragged my eyes away from the bills on the counter and at the man in front.

“I’m sorry sir, we’re a little short staff—“

It was him. The weird man from the café. Did he say he was waiting?

“Why didn’t you show up?” For some reason, all the apprehension I’d felt that noon was gone, and it was promptly replaced by scorn. Who did he think he was?

“Well I’ve been busy, as you can see,” I shrugged and directed my attention back to the receipts. Then something hit me. “Wait, how did you find me?” I asked, pointing at him with a coffee stirrer I used to pierce receipts.

“You’re a regular at the cafe. George told me where you worked,” he shifted his weight, and the line of sweaty yoga wear silhouettes peered over his shoulder. Fucking George.

“I take it you haven’t finished the book?”

“Mm hm.” I didn’t even look up, because I could feel matcha guy’s eyes burning holes into me. He was the only regular I despised. The rest were borderline tolerable. Why would I get into the business of people if I didn’t necessarily like said people, you ask? I romanticised the idea of baking too much to deal with logistics. Do what you love, right? I didn’t know if it even mattered, we were all going to be forgotten anyway.

Speaking of forgetting, on one hand I felt bad for dismissing him so abruptly, especially now that I knew it was not a setup, but I was restless and wanted as little distractions as possible, because I kept reading the receipt over and over and wasn’t able to process it for the life of me.

The shadow across the counter disappeared and I sighed in relief. I didn’t even have time to unravel why he was so invested in my book review. Did he mistaken me for a minor celebrity? He didn’t seem the type to be starstruck, though.

For real, why is anyone starstruck? What is it about celebrities that make people think they shit gold and lose their minds over it and want to get their signature? On strange body parts? It’s wild if you really think about it.

Focus!

Finally processing the words dozen and GF, SF blueberry muffins, I headed for the display, when I bumped into a wall.

It felt like a wall.

Then the wall grabbed me before I could fall flat on my arse. It was him. His face wore less of a scowl and more of disappointment as he steadied me by my arm.

“You take the cash register, I'll fill the orders?”

He asked, shrugging off the same charcoal suit jacket from noon.

“Huh?”

“I’m a bit rusty with registers so you take that?” He repeated, pulling one of the Holly green aprons over his crisp white shirt. The movement made his cologne seep into the air around me and, well.

“Sure,” I answered, utilising the stray bowl of words at the bottom of my brain that I kept aside for non-innovative conversations that didn’t necessarily require the maximum capacity of my cognition. Which were almost all of them. But the reason now was because I was flabbergasted.

He took the receipts from my hand after a curious glance at me, and dove right into them. I watched him package the goods with expertise, like he’d been doing it for years.

Why? What was happening? Who was this man?

Was I being pranked? Was this Ava? Because I wouldn’t use her pizza cookie idea?

“3 gooseberry muffins, please,” chirped a toned woman in fuchsia yoga pants, who then proceeded to quite obviously check him out. And he wasn’t helping, posing like a model. Seriously, who was this man?

But I was in no position to question help when it was available to me. However inexplicably. So I went along with it.

“Your hair’s a really pretty colour,” he said flatly. It wasn’t. But of course she fell for it. What hold did attractive humans hold over the mediocre that we trusted everything out of their mouths?

He had her giggling like a schoolgirl through her thank yous.

“I’ll tell you what, if you buy half a dozen muffins, I’ll throw in a pack of walnut cookies for free.”

Um what?

“Really?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell my boss though, I can’t afford to get fired right now,” he vagrantly pointed his head in my direction, before cracking a gorgeous smile. We met eyes for a brief second and then it was all gone. Why was he doing this again?

It truly baffled me. What could he possibly hope to gain from this?

The woman promised to keep it a secret as he filled her order, leaving him a large tip. How was he better at my job after 5 minutes? It had only been a few minutes in, but we already had a smooth system going like we’d been doing it forever. The line became decadent and the air of constant mellow conversation settled in.

It was then that we finally caught a breather, and he sidled up to the counter, resting his elbow on the display case.

“I don’t remember mentioning that offer to you,” I said in hopes of starting a conversation. I didn’t care for it, but it seemed like it needed to be addressed.

“I got her to spend more while simultaneously getting rid of the stuff no one wants.”

“How did you know no one wants them?”

“Because it’s walnut cookies,” he shrugged.

I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

Just when I framed a sentence to ask him what the heck he was doing, he beat me to it.

“I don’t mean this offensively, but do you have anything here that’s not . . .”

“Healthy?”

“Yeah,” there was that grin again, but the floor got it this time. It was like he was going to make me work for it. And he didn’t even seem like he was trying. I already felt like I had to impress him for some reason. Was this daddy issues again? I really thought I’d gotten over the whole shebang a year ago.

I retrieved the muffins I baked for the rare customers who weren’t afraid of sugar or gluten from underneath the oven and offered him one. He gave it a once over, inhaled deeply and then took a bite.

I stood up straight. Why was I looking for his approval? I didn’t even know his name.

“Did you make this?”

I could only nod.

“It’s good.”

Did I cream my pants or was it just really hot?

“All of these as well?”

“Yep, that’s what it says on the sign outside,” I chuckled, vaguely bringing up my name in hopes that he would tell me his, shifting my feet. I didn’t want to ask him for some reason. I wanted him to tell me.

“I’ve never met a Cleopatra before.”

“I’m a Cleodora, actually.”

“Greek,” he nodded, sounding impressed. Another bite and the muffin was gone. I noticed how he didn’t speak with his mouth full. A cultured, well educated man who didn't say dude even once. Was he the prodigal son the masses speak of? Who would finally free us from the bondage of surfer dudes and palm trees and tiki torches?

“Your parents fans?”

“I think they just wanted a break from all the Kayleys with two y’s and all the other pretentious names. I’m grateful.”

“You should be, it’s a very pretty name,” he breathed and leaned his back to the counter now, arms folded. I didn’t read too much into the compliment. Not after he found standard brunette shade pretty.

“Thank you, what’s yours?” I had to give in. He wouldn’t budge.

“Kaydyn. With two y’s.”

Fuck.

“Oh,” I leaned away from the register and shifted awkwardly. Just couldn’t keep my mouth shut, huh?

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, finally gracing me with it this time. There was just so much going on that I couldn’t catch much of it. “I’m Atticus,” he said and brought his hand out for me to shake. It nearly engulfed mine. Oh, but it was so warm. I hated it when people had cold hands.

“Greek.” I commented, nodding like I was impressed myself.

“Nah, my parents were really into To Kill a Mockingbird.”

“I take it you’re a lawyer then?” I asked, idly billing a woman’s request for a chia seed tea. Why did I even make those?

“No, just a boring businessman.”

“How’s that classified?” I asked, walking to the filter. He followed me, keeping a respectful distance.

“What’s that?”

“The woman from lunch. You told her your job was classified.”

“Do you usually eavesdrop on private conversations?” He deftly raised an eyebrow.

I froze, my hand on the filter.

“No.” I sounded so guilty, but to my relief, he smiled again.

“I’m glad you did. The conversation was brain dead so I just stuck to answers that required no follow up hoping she’d get bored and leave. I have you to thank for that.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’ll have you know, I don’t usually listen in, she was just so loud that I couldn’t get through a sentence.”

“So loud, right?” he enunciated, and that made me giggle.

“An indirect vegan. And I thought LA couldn’t surprise me anymore.” I said, handing the drink to the woman with a smile. She tipped!

“That’s a terrible motto to live by.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s yours? Confuse strangers by demanding their book reviews?”

He was taken aback. Too on the nose?

“I can see how that was odd,” he shifted. “But I was intrigued by your take and wanted to hear more.”

“Why? There’s so many others out there with better takes.”

“But I’ve only come across you.”

I paused and looked at him. Oh?

“The women on Hinge aren’t as . . . sophisticated. No offence,” he added quickly with a hand up to show surrender.

“And you think this is sophisticated?” I asked, gesturing around my silly little bakery.

“Yes,” he said, and stepped closer. “And this.”

He leaned down and I wobbled. I parted my lips slightly, out of reflex, but he moved past me to retrieve the novel I kept underneath the register. If there is a God, please don’t let him have seen that.

“You annotate,” he commented, rifling through the pages. “You have no idea how uncommon that is.”

“You’re just looking on the wrong dating apps.”

He smiled. “Oh, I’m not looking to date at all.”

?????

“Oh,” I breathed like I understood and looked away, mostly to hide my face. He didn’t want to date? Was he looking to make friends on an app famously used to hook up? Well, that was fucking adorable while also decimating to my ego.

I kept a close eye on him after that. He helped me fill a few more orders until it was time to close.

“Ah, the satisfaction of a full day’s job. Nothing beats that.” He sighed whimsically and shrugged his jacket back on.

I chuckled regardless, turning off the ovens and putting my own coat on. “Have you worked retail before?”

Why was he still here? I mean I knew why but how bad did he want this? Was I about to get murdered? Not that I’d mind getting strangled by those hands.

What?

“A lifetime ago,” he replied. Was I getting non-follow up answers now? Sensing the disdain in voice, I wordlessly counted the day’s spoils.

He seemed hesitant, but waited until I was done counting.

“Well?”

I looked at him expectantly like I didn’t know what he was referencing. But again, he wouldn’t budge.

“I’ll be ready with my priced opinion tomorrow at noon.”

“Tomorrow? Why, what are you doing now?”

I knew I should have been insulted that he assumed I had nothing better to do, but for some reason I didn’t want to disappoint him.

“I have . . . stuff to do.”

He breathed shakily and said nothing for a minute. “Of course.”

“Only because you’d have to watch me read for a couple hours, that’s all.”

“I don’t mind.” He shrugged, a grin playing at his lips.

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drmuffindick-blog · 6 years

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Date ready!

This is Evan going on his first (official) date. Little snazzy baby. (Don’t worry Iris dressed him ;))

#Snazzy #date ready #muffin oc #muffin oc evan #drawing #art #oc #procreate #oc art #artists on tumblr #artwork #owo #uwu

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bee-a-garbage-shipper · 3 years

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Self Insert And/Or Original Character Fic Recs

[Twilight]

A Hundred Winks of Sunshine (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

In which Bella is confident, cheerful and striving for a happy (second) life. Cullen Clan, meet little Miss Positivity.

Sanguinary By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Vampire venom has a way of eating through human memories. Having lived one life and remembered another before being turned, it's no surprise Lucy has a bit of a problem trying to remain focused. Self Insert

DISCONTINUED

[Harry Potter]

Black Blooms (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Reborn into the world of Harry Potter, Poppy Evans has only one goal; make sure she's not the only magical Evans alive by 1982. And maybe save that smug Potter while she's at it. Regulus Black didn't fit into the equation; he wasn't suppose to be so distracting. A Mature SI fic

Fractured Fairytale (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Three years after he escaped from the nightmare forced upon him by the Gaunt wretch, Tom Riddle meets another witch.

The Castle Where Eternity Dwells (FF | AO3) By: The Carnivorous Muffin (FF | AO3)

Elizabeth Riddle knows too much about things that prove to be both out of time and mostly useless as her twin brother searches for the castle where eternity dwells and the revolution which must open its doors. AU SI insert.

Cisme (FF | AO3) By: Dark and Chaotic (FF | AO3)

The world had always been such a terrible, beautiful place, full of colors. Then why do we always split it in half, in Black and White? In Good and Evil? Nobody has one without the other. I thought I knew what the world was about. But then I died. Then I found Magic. Or, rather, it found me. Fem!harry OC insert.

Magical Me By: Publicola

Most self-inserts are exercises in vanity, and nothing says 'vanity' quite like Gilderoy Lockhart. But with a new personality and knowledge of the future, who knows? Maybe Lockhart will turn out to be a useful DADA teacher after all.

Triumphant, the Dreamer (FF | AO3) By: Shadowblayze (FF | AO3)

(Please see the remix of this work for new chapters.This version is discontinued, but the story lives on! Chapter 58 has some new content!)

Heather's not exactly sure how she got here, but at least the role of 'older sister' is a familiar one.

it is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness By: Shadowblayze (FF | AO3)

(Remix of my work, "Triumphant, the Dreamer)

Heather's not exactly sure how she got here, but if these people thought that they would be able to manipulate her little brother without a her raising hell about it, they were about to be unpleasantly surprised.

Blackwand Chronicles By: S’TarKan (FF | FA | SIYE | PS | RR | VD)

Dumbledore, despite his misgivings, offers an opportunity to a boy temporarily lost in the muggle world. There are some disquieting similarities to another student he remembers from before.

[Rating may increase later in the story.]

[One Piece]

Unintended Consequences By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Mermaids are very free with their affections and pirates aren't the type to say no to a pretty face; logically then any number of those who sail the Grand Line might have offspring they've never met. A parent casts a long shadow over the life of their child regardless, but pirates' children have so much more to prove and Dracule Lisska is no exception to this rule.

Unexpected Complications By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Dracule 'Fox' Lisska, Angel of Death and the King's Assassin, would have quite happily lived out her life without ever finding out why dozens of ships' crews vanished every year within the Florian Triangle. Unfortunately it was not to be, but that didn't mean she wouldn't make the most of things.

Rated M for explicit scenes.

Sequel to Unintended Consequences.

This Bites (FF | AO3 | SV | SB) By: Xomniac (FF | AO3)

Sea Kings, sea-sickness, sunburns, a 95% genocidal Navy and more than a million and one other assorted ways to die. It's official: Being inserted into an anime sucks ass... Buuut I guess it could be worse. I mean, look on the bright side: At least I'm sailing with the future king of the pirates.

(Self-Insert)

Twelve Red Lines (FF | SB) By: Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

One Piece, Two Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece By: Bluejay Blaze

I was four years old when I fell through a doorway between worlds. Luckily for me, I didn't end up alone. Three brothers and a gang of mountain bandits were kind enough to take me in. My older brother's gonna be king of the pirates, and he's bringing me and an ever expanding family along for the ride. Crazy? You bet. Awesome? Most definitely. Allons-y!

Murphy’s Law By: Plouton

You know that moment when everything you've ever known and loved and understood is brutally ripped from you following a painful death, and then you're forced to deal with the fallout when you realize you have been reincarnated into the corrupt, discriminatory, criminal-infested, gruesome, bastardized world of your favorite anime? Yeah, me neither.

Cover by Kurobook

Firefly (Series) (FF1) By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

Do you believe in afterlife? Lana didn't but she always hoped it was true. She hoped for a chance to be free from the shackles of her illness. And when a year was given for her to live, she hoped for it more than anything else. And there was a world she wanted to live in more than anything. And that was the world of One Piece.

OC falls into OP story.

DISCONTINUED

North Star Pirates By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

Slingshot through the barrier between universes, scattered across the oceans ruling the new world, born under new names and varied understanding and recollection of the situation... The beginning was not made easy for the seven of them.

But they made do. Each of them took a course to become stronger, to learn skills needed to survive and find each other. It was unlikely that they'd ever get back home but at least they'd find piece of home in each other and the family they'd create together.

Nine Finns meet at anime convention and get dropped to One Piece, separated from each other. Story starts from there and from the beginning.

Ground Zero By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

When you keep reincarnating again and again to different worlds and very rarely even reach double digits, you become pretty indifferent to the world and just keep wondering how soon you'll die next.

Of course exceptions are made. Reiko was satisfied with her current life even if circumstances were less than ideal. She had no idea which world she was at again but she had a wonderful brother. For the first time she found herself wishing she wouldn't die quite so soon.

“Do you really believe you’ll die soon?”

“Maybe not for a few years… but I’ll be lucky to reach my teens. But if I die, I hope I’ll be reborn to this world again soon. I wanna see Saka-nii again.”

“How will we find each other then?”

“Hm… You’ll be a marine. And I’ll…” Reiko paused to think. “I know! Regardless of the name given to me, I’ll call myself Umikaze Tooru. That’s a good name. And I’ll make sure that you’ll hear it someway.”

Or, a girl is born as Sakazuki's younger sister, dies and is later born again to One Piece world.

Margins (Series) By: Abalisk (FF | AO3)

Juniper Wilde never stood a chance against the call to adventure. A collection of her journeys through space and time and everywhere in between.

Alabaster Pieces (Series) By: Abalisk (FF | AO3)

Join Leith/Spoons on her wild adventures whether she likes it or not!

Gone Fishing (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

Life in the world of One Piece…isn't so great as one would think. Of course, I'm in no position to talk, considering how lucky I've been. Though, if there's one thing I've learned the hard way since my first life, it's that luck eventually runs out.

SI OC

[Cover Art: kurobook]

Three Sheets to the Wind (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Because sometimes a tale is too tall not to tell. Even if no one will ever believe her, this isn't Riskua's first shot at life. It is her first time as the 'big sister' of the nuisance that is Monkey D. Luffy however.

Self Insert.

(Slow burn on the pairing)

In the Interest of Justice (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

As if being reborn into One Piece isn't bad enough, of course she ends up thirty years before the actual story begins. Forget trying to survive everything the world can throw at her, before any of that, she has to survive childhood as a member of the Monkey family.

Self Insert

[Naruto]

Zenith (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

The Senju allowing women to fight was a pleasant surprise. That she's part of the family where the two youngest brothers will die before ten? Not so much. But Sōkōma is Tobirama's twin; genetically, she can become something great. Here's hoping greatness will be enough to save her brothers.

(Self Insert, Clan wars)

Ten Whispers of Rain (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

In which the Self-Insert is confident, cheerful and striving for a happy (second) life. Citizens of Konoha, meet little Miss Positivity.

Weight of the World (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Naruto Uzumaki is the saviour, the prophecy child. If there is one body you don't want to get shoved into, it's that one. Suddenly female or not.

And as the gods would have it, that's exactly where I ended up.

In the body of a blonde, whiskered female child with a mountain of expectations pressing down on those tiny little shoulders.

Brilliant.

Self Insert. FemNaruto

DISCONTINUED

Mesuji Ripples (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Vixen Tail (FF | AO3)

The adventure of a reincarnated US Army Staff Sargent in the Naruto-verse, renamed Mesuji Natsumi. An SI/OC AU.

Skanji Clan Chronicals (Series) (FF1) By: Vixen Tail (FF | AO3)

A character study into why the older generations of shinobi are harsher and less inclined to compromise.

SI/OC Pre-Konoha, Warring States Period, Post-Founding. Currently up to the middle-end of the Second Great Shinobi World War.

Part One, the beginnings of Sekanji Terazawa. Poison Mistress, occasional kunoichi Lady, and the aunt of Orochimaru. Part Two, the establishment of Konoha and the character of the village Founders. Part Three, the end. Now on Part Four, the dead rise.

The Price of Living By: LovelyWeather

Knowledge of the future is not the safest thing to possess, she learned...

[Realistic SI/OC]

Dreaming of Sunshine By: Silver Queen

Life as a ninja. It starts with confusion and terror and doesn't get any better from there.

OC Self-insert.

No pairings.

Bitter Step (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

It all starts when you're born in the middle of a battlefield, and it's only downhill from there. And really, it doesn't get any better from here.

[SI, Self-insert as Fem!Tobirama]

Que Será, Será (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. "Que será, será," she bitterly remarks.

[SI, Self-insert as Fem!Naruto.]

[Cover Art: kurobook]

Metamorphosis (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

It's quite sad to say there are definitely worse things than being covered in bugs, as one victim of circumstance finds out the hard way after being reborn into a fictional world. Of course, fictional, for Aburame Shiki, has now become factual.

SI OC

[Cover Art: UnstableFable]

Butterfly Child (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

I was never a fan of irony, even more so after died. I should be pretty happy that I was given a second chance at life, except guess who's still irony's b*tch? Yo. My name is Akimichi Chōko and I just wanna live...

SI OC

[Cover Art: skyfloe]

Entropy By: Plouton

The second law of thermodynamics states that the universe, and any isolated system in it, demonstrates an inexorable tendency to slide toward a state of increasing disorder…

Or, in which a clueless girl makes everything worse with the assistance of an international ninja terrorist.

Like the Blade of a Knife By: Abalisk (FF | AO3)

It was like falling into a dream and she waited for the day that she would wake up. All of this couldn't be real, it just wasn't possible. But time passes and seasons change and she is left to wonder what her purpose truly is.

Twelve flowers of Hanafuda (FF | AO3) By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

It is a strange world where Kaede lived in. Not that she was normal either. Not anymore. She lives in recently founded Konoha, is part of Senju clan and for a reason or other it seems the Mokuton has decided to show up in her. Graduation is approaching and soon she has to step into the real world to test her skills in.

Self-Insert, SI-OC

Out of the Darkness: A Jinchuuriki’s Tale (FF | FA) By: S’TarKan (FF | FA | SIYE | PS | RR | VD)

People have asked for a sequel with Riley from There's Always A Way... So I got to wondering what someone with his sarcastic personality would be like in Naruto. Warning: This is darker and grittier.

Without A Sound (Series) By: EmptySurface (FF | AO3)

This is a story about child soldiers. It's a story about family and friendship. It's a story about war, suffering, loss and grief. It's about finding comfort in each other in the face of terrible things, and making it through trauma.

About falling down and getting back up again, no matter how many times it takes.

This is a story about soldiers and assassins, subterfuge, and growing up to endure the harsh realities of a world constantly on the brink of destruction. Where survival means sacrificing things. Things that matter.

This is a story about Shiranui Kyo, who does her best to survive and build a life that's worth living.

Inhale (Series) (FF1 | FF2 | FF3 | FF4 | FF5) By: Lang Noi (FF | AO3)

Inspired by Silver Queen's "Dreaming of Sunshine." Ripples turn into waves and crash upon the shores of what is and what could be, and I was just someone else who got pulled under. I didn't realize that even a drowning person makes waves of their own.

A SI OC story.

Blood in the Water By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

This was not the plan, okay? It wasn't! Shisui however can't quite bring himself to care, not when he's just been rescued from certain maiming by the most magnificently well-muscled kunoichi he's ever met.

[Crack. Fix-it. Behold the chaos! Uchiha Shisui is Hoshigaki Shizuma's father, there is no other explanation for the Boruto bishonen sharkboy. DoS compliant. Random updates.]

A Little Tied Up (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

A Compass Points North AU wherein, rather than as Kita, the SI is born as Izuna. Where you are makes as much of a difference as who you are, and changes in circumstances lead down surprising rabbitholes.

The Compass Points North (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Most people don't get asked before they're reincarnated into a whole new universe, but a little care really does make all the difference.

[KHR]

Bolt from the Blue (FF | AO3) By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Xanxus picks up his first Guardian very early; his father rather wishes he hadn't. Things change accordingly.

(SI-OC Fix-it fic. Canon-typical violence and themes, including terrible parenting, organised crime and murder-for-hire. Diverse pairings. Characters discussing mature themes; also fluff, common sense, happy endings.)

Heart of Ice By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Trapped by the Mafia and sent to Namimori to keep an eye on the son of the Vongola External Advisor, Helene tries to settle into her new life under an alias and look after her little brother. However when Sawada Tsunayoshi is made the Vongola heir her past and present begin to intersect...

Incomplete

Pick Up The Pieces (Series) (FF1 | FF2 | FF3) By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Xanxus confronts -and gradually begins to heal from- his childhood trauma, eventually escaping his abuser with a bit of help from his loved ones.

The Dragoness' Library (Series) (FF1 | FF2) By: Vixen Tail (FF | AO3)

No one ever said an SI gets a place in canon events, or that they would be ideally placed at all. How much would you recall if you had decades to go before anything in a long forgotten story comes to be?

SI/OC as part of the Russian Mafiya, liberties taken with crafting said Mafiya Family.

Turn Turtle (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

Sawada Kamehime starts off her second life with a built-in cheat-code. Well, that's not entirely true; it's more like a sixth sense, something that warns her about certain things, about certain actions. It's strange as hell. Then, during middle school, Byakuran comes barrelling into her life and things get a little more hectic.

(Female Tsuna SI)

Apathy (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

It's all fun and games until you realize that you've been reincarnated into a once fictional world where you're the next in line to become a mafia boss. Sawada Setsuna is anything but amused because it took a baseball to the chest to realize who she actually was and even then, her first thought is to buy a lock for her room.

SI reincarnated as Fem!Tsuna

[Cover Art: kurobook]

Mirrored Flames (FF | AO3) By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

They were six teens wreaking havoc among the Flame Mafia. Of course they were changing things. Hopefully for the better.

OC-heavy story with two Self-Inserts

(SI-OC)

[HxH]

Monochrome By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

"Even if the world were a monochrome, we all have the right to see rainbow colored dreams..."

Sara died. And she was born again. Kinda. Her age was about the same but the past behind her was different. Past she knew nothing about. Past she had lived in the Hunter x Hunter world. So what now? Living the life, trying to survive and figure out her past.

Self-Insert, SI-OC story

De Mí a Usted (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

From me to you: It's one thing being reborn into the world of Hunter x Hunter, and it's definitely another when there's a language barrier in place. Add in some miscommunications and a dash of culture shock, and you're in for an unpleasant experience from which there is no escape.

SI OC

[Cover Art: kurobook]

[BNHA]

Tempo Rubato (FF | AO3) By: KlonoaDreams (FF | AO3)

There's no telling what life will give you—especially if it isn't your first. Rather than worry about the future, Hibiki Miki decides to live life the way she sees it. It just never occurred to her that her existence could amount to anything beyond a second chance at life...

SI OC

[Cover Art: kurobook]

Blindsided By: Browniebearie

When Calliope and her two mentors travel from America to help tutor the students of UA, their short trip will prove far more than they bargained before. Will this visit to Japan help Calliope come to terms with the cruelty of her quirk? Or will the events of her journey destroy all that she had worked so hard to achieve?

Loosely based on the anime ft Undertale influences

Picking up Steam (FF | AO3) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

In which Endeavor knows there's something not quite right with Rei, the Todoroki children are optimistic, and Todoroki Rei is trying to figure out the difference between amnesia and waking up in another woman's life.

(SI stuffed into Todoroki Rei's body/Todoroki Family Fix-It)

Hawtify (Series) (FF1) By: Tsume Yuki (FF | AO3)

"Your, your daughter?" Izuku wobbles, his legs unsteady in a way that has nothing to do with the intense workout he's only half completed.

"Yes! Nana-tan is my incredibly talented, smart, bea-"

"I think he gets it, you're proud of me."

(SI with no knowledge of BNHA)

Static By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

She was Kide. He was Denki. Kide was Denki and Denki was Kide. They were one.

And this world was a story.

Right?

Would Kide be allowed to be herself or should she fit into the mold?

[Bleach]

Created Life from Death (FF | AO3) By: MoonRaven1412 (FF | AO3)

Mirai means future. And a lot of hopes were placed on her when she was created. She was one of a kind but perfectly ordinary too. Though there was one trait no one predicted she would have. Knowledge of this world when it was just a manga for her. She used to live in another world. She used to live another life. After dying she had a new chance to try again.

SI-OC fic, Self-Insert.

Heart Bound: Shinigami By: Umei no Mai (FF | AO3)

Falling in love can have far-reaching consequences when you're a kami, especially when you happen to be under an inconvenient curse. Falling in love with a shinigami captain had the potential to be disastrous.

Slight Rurouni Kenshin crossover.

Ethos (Series) By: Abalisk (FF | AO3)

The tears that overflow your heart Are surely proof of your wish for a future Gaze forward without lamenting your current powerlessness

Breach By: Plouton

Some things are meant to be broken. Piñatas. Glow sticks. Bad diets. Smoking habits. Records. Rules. The oppressive military regime of a two and a half thousand year old system that governs the world of the dead. It's a good thing, then, that I am a master of breaking things.

Life is Full of Surprises By: Kira michi

Kenpachi/OC, Byakuya/OC, and Hitsugaya/OC. Don't like, then don't read. No flaming. Didn't mean for it to be this long! X3 Completed!

A New Chance By: Kira michi

The new sequel to Life is Full of Surprises. Don't like, don't read. No flames.

Hiatus

Captains' Love By: Kira michi

What if three friends win the hearts of their Captains? They won't know what to do, since they never been in love before. But they do know one thing, they will have fun being in their squads.

Zara/OC, Bya/OC, Hitsu/OC

Don't review, please.

Love Finally Known By: Kira michi

COMPLETED!

Shun, Rio, and Yuri are back! And this time, they've changed in the past three years. And the big change, is that they all have Bankai. Follow their crazy adventures as they discover love.

Sequel to Captains' Love. :D

Sucky summery? Yep.

Don't review, please.

You Can't Hurt The Ones You Love By: Kira michi

Sequel to Captains' Love and Love Finally Known.

Don't likey, don't readey.

Completed! :D Finally!

Don't review, please.

Technological Advancement By: Kira michi

Kenpachi/OC, Byakuya/OC, Hitsugaya/OC

Don't like, don't read. No flames.

The title sucks, I know. XD

Formerly titled "How Are You?" :D

Hiatus

Ordinary By: Kira michi

Kenpachi/OC story.

Guy meets girl, girl meet guy, girl is terrified of guy, and guy is annoyed of girl.

Title was originally "World Upturned."

I'm Not A Seer By: Kira michi

They weren't sure how they got here, but they were getting back home somehow. But these people won't let her go, and if she was honest, she was tired af and wanted to go home.

Ta dahh! This is a self-insert fic. :V

Family Troubles By: Kira michi

Chisako's a normal teenager on her way to adulthood... if you discount the fact that she's starting to see some things and that there's something out there called 'shinigami'. Crazy people is what they were. Heck no, she'd rather have a normal, non-crazy life, thank you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Previously titled: Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder.

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starstruckkittensweets · 2 years

Text

Chapter LIX (“AWWW”)

A/N: I’m so sorry this chapter is a week late! I took a few days off from writing because my family got sick, so I had to help them out while they focused on getting better. But now I’m back - and with an extra long chapter! (This one was only supposed to be around 8-9k long, but it turned into...this. Eh, I have no regrets! But I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

Fandom: Attack on Titan Pairing: Levi x Mia (OC) Words: 15.6k

Warnings: 18+ only (minors please DNI), NSFW content, oral sex (female receiving), face-sitting, vaginal sex, very light breeding kink, possessiveness, dirty talk, scratching, and a little bit of...headboard breaking

Taglist: @omg-lexiloveyou, @ataraxia101, @super-peace-fangirl, @mr-robot-x, @unusversuscanicula, @cyborgnate, @saltypancakes

If you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know and I’ll be happy to add you on!

|LIX|

As the weeks passed, the days grew longer. The air grew warmer, the leaves sprouted a healthy green color. And before I knew it, we were halfway through June—the fifteenth, to be exact. And Hanji let me know the second I saw her in the morning, dragging myself out of my office and towards the mess hall:

“Happy birthday, Mia!” She threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her chest in one swift yank. “You feel any older yet?”

“No more than I did yesterday,” my voice was muffled through the yellow fabric of her shirt, “but even if I did…is it a good idea to throw me around like that?”

“Aw, don’t tell me your bones are starting to ache! I’m gonna have to start calling you an old lady if you keep this up, ya know!”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s older than me! You’ll be whining in September about how your knees ache when you get up, I’m sure of it!”

The two of us were shoving each other back and forth, all the while giggling uncontrollably. Almost as though we were cadets again, twelve years old and full of stupid ideas, as Ben and Leyna watched us fool around from the sidelines.

The thought of my siblings made me smile. I’d sent a letter to Leyna in the past few days, making sure that it would arrive in Mitras before today. It was her birthday too, after all, as well as Ben’s. The three of us used to send letters back and forth before meeting up at home back in Shiganshina, where Ma would be waiting for us with a homemade cake, and maybe even a few muffins and cookies to take back with us if we were lucky. She always made sure to send us on our way with stuffed bellies and some extra food, as though we were children going to a friend’s house for a sleepover again.

And in the years Dad had still been alive, even though he wasn’t always in the best state of health, he always made an effort to prepare a gift for us, whether it was little trinkets from the market or handmade gifts he’d carved out of wood. He’d taken up a light hobby of woodcarving after retiring from the Scouts, just to keep his hands busy as he stayed within the house. One particular year he had made all three of us little carvings of wolves, with each of our initials engraved on the bottom.

I miss you. On instinct, I slid my hand around the little wolf charm that dangled from the cord around my neck. All of you.

The base was practically empty by the time Hanji and I left the castle. The soldiers were either still in bed or holed up in the mess hall, still blinking the sleep from their eyes. I was the same, more or less (the night owl to Hanji’s early bird)—which is why I nearly shrieked out loud when something slammed into me from behind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, captain!” Gretel’s hair was unusually messy, her eyes wild and her cheeks flushed red. “I didn’t see you there! But actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something, now that you’re here…”

I could already feel my eyebrow inching up. Why is she so hyper today? It’s not even fully sunrise, so why is she so damn excited?

“What is it, Mayer?”

“Evan and I were talking a couple days ago, and Reggie and Emily are okay with it if you are—but we want to have a little celebration for Murphy’s birthday tonight!”

My jaw dropped; my eyes went as wide as they could go. Hanji was snickering beside me, although I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or what Gretel had said.

It’s Murphy’s birthday today? So soon?

And sure enough, I recalled glancing at his form in just the last couple weeks, stating that his birthday was coming up soon. At the time I’d smiled and thought nothing of it (none of the kids on my squad did anything special to celebrate their birthdays anyway)… But now I was starting to feel particularly stupid.

“What a small world!” Hanji’s arm was back around my shoulders, as she clapped Gretel on the back so hard the poor girl almost stumbled over. “It’s Mia’s birthday, too!”

“Wait, it is?! I didn’t know, captain! How—I mean, happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sending a glare in Hanji’s direction. “I don’t really like to advertise it, but this one makes a point of letting everyone and their mother know about it.”

“Of course.” Hanji made no effort in concealing her smirk, as she mussed up my hair with a rough hand. “Actually, now that you mention it… Mayer, can I have a quick word for you?”

“Um… Okay, Section Commander. But why…?” She glanced from Hanji to me, and then back to Hanji—and suddenly she was nodding eagerly, her lips laced into a smile. “Oh, of course! When would you like to talk?”

“Right now, actually. The sooner the better, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t agree more!”

It was hard to ignore the churning feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I watched my best friend and my cadet huddle close together, their expressions already saying much more than words ever could. And as Hanji started to lead her away, she glanced at me from over her shoulder and smirked, “Don’t wait up for me, this might take a while!”

Of course it will. But all I could do was hope that Hanji wouldn’t go overboard with whatever she and Gretel had planned.

|~|

Breakfast had gone by rather smoothly. None of the other Squad Leaders made a fuss over my birthday—at least, not like Hanji had. Mike and Nanaba had kept it simple, wishing me a nice day as they stood up to refill their plates. Erwin had smiled and encouraged me to make some time for myself at the end of the day, to which Levi scoffed at from over the rim of his teacup. The two of us snickered to each other, avoiding eye contact as we sipped our tea, as Erwin quirked his eyebrow at us. Poor oblivious Commander…

Levi was already well aware of my plans for today, and once we were alone the two of us headed out to the stables. A comfortable silence settled over us as we saddled up our horses, with Mischa giving my hand a friendly nuzzle as I passed her stall.

As I took Edel’s reins and began to lead him out of the barn, a familiar tuft of reddish-brown hair caught my eye. Huddled in Misty’s stall was Murphy, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as he brushed her down. I smiled when I saw how her coat shone in the early morning sunlight; obviously Murphy took great pride in taking care of his steed.

“Good morning, Enns.” The boy smiled at me before turning back to his horse. “Oh, and happy birthday!”

Poor Murphy—the tips of his ears burned scarlet as he stumbled over his words, nearly dropping the brush and startling Misty in the process. He gave a nervous laugh, threading his fingers through his hair as he struggled to look me in the eyes.

“Ah, t-thank you, captain—but how did you…?”

“Mayer let it slip this morning.” I was careful not to mention the celebration she was planning with the rest of the squad. It was their secret to share, not mine. “I take it you’re like me and don’t make a big deal out of it, huh?”

“I…I guess so.” He kept his eyes on Misty, as she lowered her head to nibble on a bit of hay. “It’s just…easier that way.”

Yeah, it is. I knew the feeling all too well.

“I get it. Still, you have to make the best of it, alright? It only comes once a year, so enjoy it while you can!”

“…Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll try to enjoy it, captain.” He reached over to brush Misty’s forelock out of her eyes. “Maybe we’ll practice some jumping today. What do you say, girl?”

And he was lost in his horse again, just the way I’d found him. With a gentle tug on his reins, I started to lead Edel towards the exit once more. The clopping sound of his hooves bounced off the walls of the barn, followed by the sound of Mischa’s hooves right behind us.

“Oh, and happy birthday to you too, captain! I hope you enjoy your day, too!”

Edel’s ears pricked forward at my gasp; I nearly tripped over my own two feet while getting him out the door of the barn. I could hear Levi snickering from behind me, and even Mischa was grunting and bobbing her head as though she were laughing.

Damn it! I guess word travels fast among the kids, huh?

“Thanks, Enns…”

I could hear him laughing from the barn as I swung myself up into Edel’s saddle. And as I gripped the reins, I gave Levi the fiercest glare I could muster—I was not enjoying the smug look on his face.

“Not one fucking word, captain.”

He remained silent, even as the two of us began to ride away from the base, but the smirk on his face said much more than any words could.

|~|

The road to Trost was long but familiar. The trodden paths through the forests, the little streams that dotted the outskirts of the town, and even the occasional rabbit that leapt out from the bushes, seemingly unaware of the two large horses in their line of sight. Neither of us said anything on the way there—not even when we headed towards the old hill at the edge of the district, far away from the rest of civilization.

Edel’s hooves were heavy against the grass. The reins were slick in my hands, my fingers cramped and sweating. I could feel my heart in my throat as I halted Edel just for a moment, only to swipe a small bunch of white flowers from the little grassy patch beside the trail.

They’re not edelweiss flowers, but they’ll do the job. I think he’ll like them all the same.

The cemetery was just over the hill, in the northwest direction of Trost District. There were countless cemeteries within the Walls, plenty of resting sites for both fallen soldiers and civilians alike. They were usually buried in separate sections, depending on the districts that watched over them, but after Wall Maria had been lost to the Titans about four years ago, they were now buried alongside each other: civilians, Scouts, and Garrison soldiers. Such was the case with this particular cemetery, with the soldiers’ headstones bearing the emblem of their branch.

Levi and I left Edel and Mischa at the edge of the cemetery, where they could graze in the meadow nearby. I held the bunch of flowers to my chest, twirling my fingers around the stems. Now that I could see them up close, I realized they were myosotis flowers, with the faintest splash of blue on the petals.

Forget-me-nots.

Something warm brushed against my hand. Levi kept his eyes forward as he pressed his palm to mine, sliding his fingers through my own.

“You alright?”

I swallowed hard. “I’ll be okay.”

Together, the two of us began to walk through the cemetery, careful not to disturb any headstones or gifts that had been laid out. We had visited cemeteries before, especially after the winter expedition of 847, to pay our respects for the soldiers we’d lost. But neither of us had been to this one in years—and especially not together like this.

The eastern side of the hill was dedicated to the Garrison soldiers lost throughout the years. Some who had lost their lives in the fall of Wall Maria, and some who had passed away countless years before that. But they were all the same in the end, just like us Scouts. They had all worn those twin roses on their backs with pride, just as we did with the Wings of Freedom sewn into our cloaks.

A familiar silver headstone came into view. On instinct I tightened my hand around Levi’s, and he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

I’m here. It’s okay.

It was the last one in the twelfth row on the hill. Faded and sprinkled with moss, with the roses of the Garrison carved into the surface. I knelt down to the headstone, well aware of Levi’s eyes on me, as I grazed my hand along the words written against the stone.

Benjamin Wolf, Sergeant of 18th Squad, Shiganshina District

June 15th, 821 – June 22nd, 845

The little white flowers looked so out of place next to the headstone, an odd splash of color against the mossy ground. I could feel my throat closing up as I pressed my palm to the surface of the stone, and the memories of my brother’s face flooded before my eyes.

The way the wind would tousle his messy brown hair. The way the sun would turn it a faint shade of red. The mischievous sparkle he would get in his eyes, the one he’d always had since he was a little boy. The warm bear hugs he would crush me with, the rough palm mussing up my hair as he laughed. The way he said my name, either in happiness, disappointment, or sheer disbelief. Despite our close bond as kids, even he couldn’t always defend me and every little thing I did. There would be times where I would come home practically dripping in mud, to my mother’s horror and my father’s disappointment (and my sister’s smug delight), and even Ben couldn’t find it in himself to speak in my defense. He would just shake his head and tell me later on, once we were all cleaned up and tucked into bed, “I thought you knew better than this.” And as usual, I would only roll my eyes and shrug him off. “Next time it won’t happen, I swear.”

I miss you. Even after all these years, I still miss you so much.

“Mia.” A gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the world around me. I gazed up at Levi, whose mouth was set in a hard, tight line. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gave him a smile, albeit a bit forced, and squeezed his fingers softly. “I just want to stay here for a bit.” Besides, if I didn’t want him to accompany me today, I wouldn’t have asked him in the first place.

He nodded once before taking a few steps back, allowing me a bit of privacy as he turned his gaze to the horses at the end of the hill. I cleared my throat and turned back to the headstone, touching my brother’s name once more.

“…I just wanted to say happy birthday, Ben.” The tips of my ears burned as I spoke; you would think after all my years of being a soldier, I would get used to talking to headstones in the cemetery. “I know I couldn’t visit you last year, and I’m sorry about that. I had some stuff going on in the capital—you know what that’s like, huh?”

It was just another thing the two of us could bond over: our personal distaste for the air of Mitras, and the interior of the Walls in general. Neither of us could see why or how Leyna loved it so much; to us, it was just a dingy, crowded place filled with nobles who would kiss up to you one minute and talk about you behind your back another.

“Anyway, I won’t stay for too long. The kids are supposedly planning something for Murphy’s birthday later tonight, so I have to be there for them. You’d like them all, I think. Evan has your brain, and Murphy looks just like you did when you were his age. And Reggie and Gretel are growing up to be such fine soldiers. And Emily—I haven’t told you about her yet, have I? She’s the newest member, I picked her out once she graduated earlier this year. She could be a fantastic medic with the right training, but I don’t know if she wants to be one. I’ll have to ask her about it later on…”

A soft breeze fluttered past the hill, knocking my hair off my shoulders. With a tight swallow, I kissed the tips of my fingers and pressed them to the surface of the stone, right above Ben’s engraved name.

“Happy birthday, Ben. I’ll come visit you soon, alright? I promise.”

I pushed myself off the ground, leaving the little white flowers beside the headstone. Levi was at my side at once, wrapping his hand around my own as he kissed my temple softly. He was silent as he began to lead me back down the hill, keeping his fingers laced through my own.

As we reached Edel and Mischa and began the trek home, a gust of wind flew by—and suddenly I heard it. Light and soft, but it was there. A familiar voice, carried by the wind, a promise of love and family. A gentle goodbye, a soft kiss on the cheek.

See you soon, Mia.

My brother’s voice echoed in my head the whole way home, filling me with a warmth I hadn’t known in years.

|~|

It was just past sunset when Gretel came knocking on my door. As per her meeting with Hanji earlier, she had refused to let me in on what she and the others were planning for Murphy’s birthday. So I was in the dark as much as he was, unfortunately.

“Meet us at the edge of the woods. And you’re not allowed to ask any questions! Section Commander Hanji’s orders, of course. Oh, and you don’t have to worry about bringing your horse. We’re not going too far, anyway.”

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together with every word she spoke. Hanji’s in on it now? That’s not a good sign… What in the world could those two be planning?

So I left my office as fast as I could, still in my uniform (minus the jacket) and the straps of my gear, with my cloak thrown over my shoulders. It was unusually breezy tonight, as the remnants of spring blew through the base. Tomorrow summer would officially begin, and the days would grow longer and hotter and borderline unbearable.

Might as well enjoy the cool air while it lasts, right?

Murphy was waiting at the edge of the forest, along with an impatient Evan and Gretel. The two of them smirked at each other before leading us towards the trees, with a tiny lantern swinging from Evan’s grasp.

“This way!”

The two of us followed them through the trees, dead twigs crunching beneath our boots. The path was one I knew all too well—the same one Edel and I rode whenever we wanted to get some extra practice in. Indeed, just ahead on the road was the fallen tree he had jumped over perfectly just a few weeks ago.

Gretel suddenly quickened her pace, with Evan right at her heels. Suddenly I knew why, and already I felt the urge to swaddle myself up into my cloak and disappear into the dirt below.

A small campfire had been built in the tiny clearing of the forest, the flames licking the bottom of a silver pot. Two brown horses were lingering beside a small wagon a few yards away, with a couple of crates resting in the back. (They must’ve wheeled it out here before someone let them loose to graze.) Hanji waved at me from her spot beside the fire, with Nanaba and Erwin sitting on either side of her. But they weren’t the only ones seated around the fire.

Oh no—there were so many more.

Reggie and Emily were talking to Nifa and Petra, as Oluo tried to listen in on their conversation in a not-so-subtle way from Petra’s side. Eld and Gunther turned and smiled over at Gretel and Evan, who practically raced to their spots between Reggie and Nanaba, with Evan dragging poor Murphy along by his wrist. Moblit gave me a somewhat apologetic smile, as Mike threw a smirk at me from over his shoulder. Even Levi was seated among them, in between Eld and Oluo as he sipped his tea. My face burned as he smirked at me from over the rim of his teacup.

“So glad you guys could make it!” Hanji was kneeling over the pot at the fire, swirling a spoon against the silver. “Why don’t you take a seat? The stew’s almost ready. I hope you’re hungry, because there’s a lot of it!”

As much as I wanted to sit by Levi, I knew it would only lead to more teasing from Hanji and Mike (and maybe even a few uncomfortable looks from our squads). So instead I slipped in between Nanaba and Murphy, who had not stopped blushing since we arrived at the little site.

“…What’s all this, anyway?”

“A little celebration,” Gretel was quick to answer, clearly sharing Hanji’s enthusiasm. “For both you and Murphy. Hanji decided we combine our little parties and celebrate them at the same time!”

“It’s nothing too fancy,” Nanaba said with a smile, “but at least it’ll give us some time to unwind. And you two deserve a break every now and then, right?”

Well, when you put it that way…

So that’s what Hanji and Gretel had been so excited about earlier. They were secretly plotting against our backs, fixing up this little get-together just to celebrate our birthdays. While neither of us cared for the extra attention, it was hard to stay mad at them for making such a sweet gesture.

Murphy was starting to loosen up as the night carried on, too involved in telling Evan and Reggie about what he’d accomplished in his extra training with Misty today. Gretel was huddling herself in her jacket in a desperate attempt to keep warm, as she listened to Nifa and Emily halfheartedly arguing about which one of them was going to ascend the ranks quicker. Petra was tugging on Oluo’s ear, chastising him for putting on a show just to try to impress the captain, as Gunther laughed and told her to ease up. Mike was starting to pass around a jug of water for everyone to fill their cups, while also subtly nudging a bottle of wine into Moblit’s side.

“Not with the kids around,” I growled, and Erwin chuckled behind his cup. I’ll be damned if any of them try to drink when the kids are here. No one needs to see Mike or Moblit when they’re drunk.

“Ever the responsible one,” Hanji sighed, as she began spooning the stew into the little bowls at her side. “You’re no fun, you know! You’ve always been like that, ever since we were kids.”

“And I’ll continue to be like that until we’re both old women.”

It wasn’t until I started passing the bowls down the line that I saw Evan’s eyes on me, a frown etched on his face.

“If you don’t mind me asking, captain… What was growing up as kids like Section Commander Hanji like?”

My fingers quivered around the next bowl. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, from smirking as Hanji’s jaw clenched ever so slightly. This is my chance—payback’s a bitch, Zoë!

“You think she’s hyper now? Well, she was much worse back when we were kids! Couldn’t sit still for five minutes, even for a lecture. Remember how Duvalier was always yelling at us because we kept talking during training?”

“So what if I do? You never stopped me, you know!”

“Because every time I tried you would always drag me back into your silly antics!” By now Nanaba was trying so hard (and failing) to hide her laugh behind her palm as she sat between the two of us. “Should I tell them about the time you got your hair twisted in the ODM gear on the second day of training?”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Wait—Section Commander, you had long hair at one point?”

I nearly laughed out loud at the baffled expressions of Eld and Reggie, as they stared at Hanji with their jaws to the ground. Hanji was pouting with her cheeks puffed out, angrily swirling the spoon in the pot of stew in front of her.

“Yeah, she did. Ended up falling flat on her face with her hair caught in the wires!”

“You keep talking about that, and this stew’s gonna end up on your head!” Hanji threatened, waving the spoon back and forth in her fist. “Fine, then. Kids, wanna hear what your captain used to do when she was younger?”

My fingers clenched around the little bowl Nanaba had handed me. Oh, I can only imagine what she’s going to bring up!

“She used to sneak outside to sit on the roof of the barracks, so much so that Duvalier had to wait outside for you with a lantern, just to make sure you wouldn’t leave! And you think I was the only one to act up once in a while.”

“Once in a while? Do you wanna be the one wearing this stew, Hanji?”

“Alright, alright, not in front of the kids, you two.”

Nanaba was quick to hold out her arm in between us, although everyone around the campfire knew neither one of us would ever raise a hand to each other in malice. I couldn’t imagine ever going after my best friend like that, even if she annoyed me to no end sometimes.

Soon enough, and with Hanji sticking her tongue out at me in a final gesture of defiance, everyone began to fall silent as we dug into our dinner. The stew was surprisingly tasty, made of potatoes with some extra seasoning sprinkled in. Hanji didn’t really cook all that often, but the few meals she knew how to cook were always satisfying to both the eye and the stomach. Before I knew it, I was already halfway done with my bowl, and I could see Murphy and Gunther eyeing the pot for possible seconds. Even Levi seemed to be enjoying it, his shoulders sagging just a bit as he paused for yet another sip of his tea.

“There’s plenty more to go around, so have as much as you want!” To Hanji’s delight, both Gunther and Murphy (as well as Petra and Nifa) held out their bowls to her. When they were finished, I held out my own bowl to her, and she refilled it with a little prideful smirk.

“Thanks for putting this together, Han.” And for making such delicious stew. “You guys really didn’t have to do this, but thank you.”

“Yeah, thank you!” Murphy added, and his face went scarlet as he wiped his mouth of any leftover stew with his sleeve.

“Ah, it’s no big deal!” Hanji waved us off with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. “You guys deserve to be spoiled a little bit. It’s not every day we get to celebrate two birthdays on the same day, you know! Besides, it’s not much out here, but at least it’s better than being inside a stuffy restaurant in Mitras, huh?”

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. My spoon clanked against the side of the bowl, the only sound in the air besides the crackling fire. Someone cleared their throat softly; by the sound of it, it was either Oluo or Evan.

She didn’t mean it. No, of course she didn’t. She would never try to hurt me intentionally, that just wasn’t like her. It was an honest mistake, something that didn’t even have to be forgiven.

Still, no one had openly mentioned my current ban from the capital city in almost a year. And while I wasn’t angry at Hanji for accidentally bringing it up, I was angry at myself for even letting it happen—for letting it get that far in the first place.

“…Honestly, good riddance.” That was Reggie’s voice, as he leaned back in his seat with a sigh. “It’s not really that fun over there, anyway.”

“Yeah, it kinda sucks,” Gretel added with a shudder. “Bunch of old people with too much money on their hands. I’d be glad to be banned from that place—that means I wouldn’t have to go to those stupid meetings and gatherings every few months.”

Evan and Emily were nodding in agreement, with Murphy shrugging his shoulders in approval. And sure enough, the other kids were following their lead, looking much more relaxed than they had been before.

“Mitras is…a bit boring, I’ll admit,” Petra said with a laugh. “For something that’s so admired by everyone, I was expecting it to be at least a bit beautiful… Honestly it was far from beautiful when I went for the first time!”

“And it probably won’t change all that much in the next few years,” Eld replied, “so it’s not worth worrying over.”

“You’re right,” Nifa chimed in, taking another bite of her stew. “Why bother worrying about stuff we can’t change? We might as well make the best of it, right?”

My fingers trembled around the hilt of the spoon. I could feel my eyes growing warm, my vision suddenly getting blurry—but one quick swipe of my sleeve across my face, and I was smiling into my bowl of stew like an idiot.

Thank you, you guys.

Suddenly it was much easier to breathe, to look my fellow soldiers in the eye as they conversed all around me. As the hours crawled by, and the pot was licked clean of any stew left, we ended up laughing and talking just as always, with the crackling fire in between us.

And for a moment, I didn’t see them as my fellow soldiers. I didn’t see Reggie and Emily and the others as my kids. I didn’t see Hanji and Nanaba as my best friends, Mike as my fellow Squad Leader or Erwin as my Commander, or even Levi as my lover. Right now, under the moon’s glowing rays, and the summer air blowing through our hair…we were just people. Human beings with dreams, passions, goals, fears, and everything in between. We didn’t have titles or power over each other. We were simply seventeen people who were swept into the same lifestyle as our comrades, who were enjoying a well-earned night of peace after so many months of turmoil. And for the first time in months, maybe even years, I saw them all, both young and old, cadets and veterans, enjoying themselves with beautiful smiles on their faces.

Somehow we got on the topic of sharing childhood stories with each other, ranging from our lives back in our home districts to our first expeditions beyond the Walls. And before I knew it, most of us were doubled over laughing as Eld spilled the beans on his friends: that both Oluo and Petra had soiled themselves the first time they went beyond the Walls.

“You swore you’d never speak of it again!” It was hard to not laugh at the shrill tone of Petra’s voice, her amber eyes flaring with fury as her fingers twitched at her sides. If it weren’t for Oluo and Levi sitting between them, I would’ve put money down that she was going to strangle poor Eld.

“It’s alright, it happens to all of us at some point.” As always, Moblit was the supportive one, as he offered her a sweet smile from across the fire. “Nothing to be ashamed of, really!”

“You’re one to talk,” Mike chuckled, and immediately Moblit’s face began burning a bright red color. “Didn’t you have a similar accident when you were sixteen? I remember, you were in my squad when it happened!”

“Aw, cut it out, Mike!” Hanji was quick to defend her friend, despite her uncontrollable laughter. “Like you never had that happen to you…”

“As a matter of fact,” Erwin’s voice was cool and calm as he smirked at Mike, “I seem to recall you hurrying off to the barracks after our first expedition together. It really does happen to everyone, doesn’t it, Mike?”

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, the final nail in the coffin for everyone around the campfire. We were gasping for breath, some of us wiping tears from our eyes, clutching our sides as we struggled to breathe once more. In all the years I’d known them, I didn’t think I’d ever seen Murphy and Gunther, and even Nanaba and Hanji, laugh as hard as they did that night. And the rest were no exception—hell, even Levi of all people managed to crack a smile at that.

It was pure, unbridled bliss. Surely a night to remember.

But the moon was starting to wane, its rays growing weaker against the shadows of the trees. It was getting late, far too late for a handful of kids whom I knew had training the next day. But before I could even say anything on the matter, a firm but warm hand came to rest on the top of my head. I glanced up at Levi as he mussed up my hair, as well as Murphy’s from his place beside me.

“Might as well start heading back.” He was speaking more to mine and his squads, rather than our little group as a whole. “I don’t want any of you whining about not getting enough sleep tomorrow.”

Upon seeing the deflated faces of Evan, Emily, Eld, and the rest of the kids, I half-expected them to put up a fight, just as I would’ve done when I was their age. But none of them did. Instead, Reggie was the first to stand up, followed by Nifa and Emily, and then Gunther and Oluo.

“You’re right, captain. Do you want any help cleaning this up?” Reggie motioned to the pot in the center of the group, as well as the collection of dirty dishes stacked on top of it.

“We’ll take care of it. Just get yourselves to sleep, don’t wait up for us.”

One by one, the cadets began to disburse. Emily and Nifa were side by side, hands brushing one another’s as they trailed behind Eld and Gunther. Reggie took up the rear with Oluo and Petra, as Evan and Gretel went on ahead yawning loudly. Murphy was the last to leave, but before he turned away, he gave our group a thankful smile, his cheeks a beautiful rosy shade.

“Thank you for this. It was a lot of fun. …Oh, and Section Commander, you’re a really good cook!”

Hanji puffed out her chest and gave the kid a smirk. “Why, thank you! I’d be happy to make you some more home-cooked meals once in a while, if you’d like!”

Murphy nodded eagerly, his amber eyes shining beneath the moon’s rays—and then he was off, scurrying after his friends and squadmates.

A few moments of silence passed. Eventually their footsteps faded into the forest, leaving the rest of us completely alone. And wordlessly, the seven of us moved closer to the campfire, with Levi settling himself beside me in the grass.

“…Now can we start drinking?”

I rolled my eyes and held out my cup to Mike. “Fine, but pour me some while you’re at it!” No way am I letting you and Moblit keep it all to yourselves.

Mike slid the wine bottle from earlier out from under his jacket (he had made sure to keep it out of the kids’ line of sight after I’d scolded him for it) and began filling our cups one by one. I only wanted a little bit—alcohol still wasn’t my favorite, but this was a special occasion—and Levi refused it altogether, opting to stick with his tea instead.

“They’re good kids,” Mike suddenly said, catching me off guard. His face was unusually soft, his brown eyes warm behind his shaggy blond bangs. “You’re lucky to have ’em, you know.”

I thought of Emily’s calm and collected nature; of Reggie’s natural talent as a leader; of Evan’s incredible mind in the field; of Gretel’s snippy nature, as sharp as her blades; and finally of Murphy’s love for his comrades, and the beautiful glimmer of his eyes in the sunlight.

Would Rosalie and Emmett approve of them? No doubt about it, they would probably get along the moment they saw each other. Gretel would be too busy challenging Emmett to arm-wrestling matches and silly training games in the forest, just to see which one of them was stronger. Rosalie would be poring over books and battle strategies with Evan, but I could also see her training Emily with her horse, just as Murphy usually did. And Reggie would be the balance between them, keeping a watchful eye on all of them just to make sure there weren’t any accidents (or injuries), but being proud of his little family all the same.

No, our little family.

“…Thanks,” my voice was no more than a mumble as I sipped my drink, the taste of wine burning my throat. “I guess I am.”

The seven of us settled back in our seats, sipping our wine and gazing up at the moon between the clouds. Levi’s hand draped across my own on the grass, his warmth sending shivers down my spine. It was tempting to lean over and kiss him right on the mouth, or maybe even his cheek, but I was not going to deal with endless teasing from Hanji and Mike.

“So,” Moblit sighed and lowered his cup, “another year down. You feel any different?”

“Not yet. What am I, twenty-eight already? It’s kinda hard to keep track nowadays…”

Huh, twenty-eight years? Am I really that old right now?

It was nowhere near the age of some of the citizens within the Walls, especially those in the interior and Mitras. But it was an impressive feat for a member of the Survey Corps; most soldiers didn’t live to reach twenty-five. The numbers had been a little better in the last couple of years, but it was still a far cry from the rest of the population within the Walls.

That means Leyna’s twenty-eight, too. I wonder if she feels the same way? …Probably not. It’s so different over there in Wall Sina. She’s probably already planning the next ten years of her life over there.

“Ah, never mind all that stuff!” Hanji had that mischievous twinkle in her eye again, that smug smile that made my stomach flip over on itself. “Time for your presents!”

Wait, presents?! “Hanji, I don’t—”

“Hey, no arguing!” She was already rummaging around in the wagon with Moblit at her side, before giving the two horses nearby a quick pat on their necks. And I was horrified to see Mike and Nanaba, and even Erwin doing the same beside her. “It’s tradition, so you have to grin and bear it! So suck it up and deal with it, alright?”

I knew better than to argue with her on this. Hanji always came out on top in these spats, insisting on the importance of gift giving on one’s special day. I had no problem giving gifts to my fellow soldiers, but it was something entirely different when it came to myself. Especially when it happened to be my birthday.

At least Levi stayed nestled against my side, lacing his fingers through my own against the grass. At least he’s not working against me here. He merely shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his tea, but not before clanking his cup against my own in a silent toast.

Nanaba was the first to hand me a gift, as she and Mike settled in the grass beside Levi. It was small enough, wrapped up in brown parchment and tied with a thin white string around the top. “From both of us,” she said with a smile, motioning to the smirking man at her side. “Hopefully you’ll be able to get some use out of it.”

I tore at the paper, eager to see what was inside. And when I finally did, I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. Inside were a pair of gloves, made of rich leather that felt smooth to the touch. And when I slipped them on, I was surprised to see they were a perfect fit; most of the gloves they sold within the inner districts only came in sizes suitable for taller and bulkier soldiers like Mike and Erwin, not for petite ones like myself.

“You could wear them during training, so your hands don’t bleed from the blades.” I glanced up at Mike as he spoke, as he took another swig of his drink. “I have a pair myself and they seem to be working quite well so far.”

“Well, I’ll definitely try them out tomorrow during training. Thank you!”

It was sweet of them to not only get me a gift, but get me something I was sure to use in my everyday routine. Besides, after the lengthy breaks from training I’d taken, what with my injury and the whole mess at Mitras, my hands were no longer used to rigorous training with the ODM gear and the blades. I could use all the help I could get in order to get myself back to where I had been.

Moblit was the next to give me a gift, the tips of his ears burning a bit in the light of the fire. The paper crumpled at my feet as I ripped it apart, and I could feel my chest tighten as I held up the gift. It was a box set of three books from an author I knew all too well. A trilogy that I often caught my mother reading at the kitchen table, back in our little home in Shiganshina; she always told me I would be able to read them when she passed the books down to me and Leyna, and I was convinced they were lost back in the rubble of Wall Maria until we could find a way to reclaim it. But now I was holding it in my hands, all three books (in perfect condition), tracing my fingers across the title: Where Mom Lives.

“Thanks, Moblit. I’ll have to make time to read these later this week; they were some of my mother’s favorite books!” I hugged them to my chest, smiling as I watched his cheeks flush a dark pink color.

“No problem, Mia.”

I didn’t have much time before Erwin passed me his own gift: a brand new leather bridle with silver stitching embroidered in the reins, proudly spelling Edelweiss. My mouth fell open at the gentle leather, the gorgeous stitching, the sight of my horse’s name printed into the surface…

“And there’s a matching saddle in the barn, as well. I hope it’s the right size for him—not too tight or anything.”

“It’s perfect, Commander. Thank you so much!”

Erwin and I were always giving each other little horse-related gifts, for both our birthdays and Christmastime. While his own white horse was the largest one within the Survey Corps, Edel was a close second, which led to us both passing tack and equipment back and forth with each other. From curry brushes to blankets to even special shampoo to wash their manes and tails with—if it had to do with our horses, Erwin and I would be the first in line to know about it.

And I know Edel will absolutely love it. The bridle he’s wearing is already so worn out. Besides, he likes looking handsome whenever he goes out for a run!

Hanji was nearly bursting at the seams as she shoved her own gift into my arms, her eyes glimmering in the firelight. “Come on, open it already! Don’t keep me waiting!”

So I did. And just like with her gift for Levi’s birthday a couple years ago, she managed to catch me off guard, but in the best possible way.

She had gotten me a dress—not a heavy one, like the women in Mitras and Wall Sina wore on a daily basis, but not quite as long as the ones the girls in Trost and Shiganshina used to wear, either. It was small and light, reaching down to my knees with little ruffles around the edges. The collar crossed at a V-shape, with one flab of fabric folded over the other, and the sleeves cut off just above the elbow. And to top it off, the dress was a gorgeous light green color, with little bits of lace sewn into the sleeves.

I didn’t make a habit of wearing dresses all that often, especially as of late with all the training I had to make up, but looking at this little outfit made me want to save it for one of my rare days off, to let my hair down and feel the summer breeze blowing through the little ruffled skirt.

“It’s so pretty, Hanji! How did you know green was my favorite color?” I added with a little smirk.

She reached over to flick the collar of my shirt, just above the straps of my ODM gear. “Just a lucky guess. I’m glad you like it! Now you’re gonna have to wear it one of these days, I’m sure you’d look so cute in it!”

I hope so. And by the looks of it, Levi was thinking the same thing, as he unhooked the chest strap of his ODM gear.

Speaking of Levi…

“Alright Shorty, it’s your turn! Where’s your gift to your girlfriend, huh? What’re you planning on giving her?”

He scoffed and sipped his tea once more. “None of your business. That’s between me and her.”

Wait, don’t tell me he got something for me too!

“Aw, come on! Not even a little kiss? For the birthday girl?”

“Hanji, I swear to—”

Something light and warm twisted into my hair, bringing my head to the side. Before I knew it Levi’s lips were pressed against mine, his fingers keeping my head in place, the unbuckled ends of his chest strap brushing against my shoulder.

My cheeks were flushed, the light of the flames bouncing off my eyelids. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, on Levi, watching us kiss, oh my God Hanji will never let me live this down—

Levi’s fingers were firm against my hair. A silent message: Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now.

I raised my hand, fingers trembling against his cheek, as I eased myself against his body, savoring every bit of his sweet kiss.

He pulled away far too soon, his cheeks glowing in the firelight, his fingers still swirling in my hair. While he looked a bit bashful under the watchful eyes of our friends, he didn’t seem ashamed of what he’d done. Instead he inched closer to me in the grass, draping his arm across my shoulders as I snuggled into his side.

“Fuck off,” he snapped, before Hanji could even open her mouth. But she only leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

Great, she’s going to hold this over my head forever…

The rest of the night carried on, with the seven of us making small talk and sipping our drinks. The air was getting cooler as the moon rose to its peak in the sky. I curled my cloak around myself, mindful of Levi’s arm stretched along my shoulders. With the others too busy talking amongst themselves, the two of us snuggled closer to each other and clanked our cups together, before Levi’s lips came to rest on the top of my head.

But the alcohol was starting to wear off, and we were starting to get a little sleepy. Nanaba barely managed to cover her yawn with her palm before she leaned into Mike’s side with a smile. Moblit’s eyelids were beginning to droop as he took another swig, and even Erwin was looking a little tired around the eyes. And before I could even say anything, I was yawning into the crook of Levi’s neck.

Time to go to bed.

Despite our offer to help, Hanji waved us off and assured us that she and the others could take care of the dirty dishes back at the base, as well as the horses that Moblit was starting to hitch up to the wagon.

“We’ll be fine, you guys go get some rest.” But one quick wink from my friend told me that she suspected the two of us were going to do anything but resting once we got back to our room.

But we weren’t about to argue with her. So I tucked the three books Moblit had given me under my arm and slung Edel’s new bridle across my shoulder, and began the short trek back to the castle. Levi followed close behind as he carried the summer dress and leather gloves as well, holding them at bay as I snuck into the barn to hang the bridle on the edge of Edel’s stall. I’ll have to have him try it out tomorrow.

A soft light from the window of the mess hall caught my eye; when I peeked inside, I couldn’t help the warm glow that pooled in the pit of my chest. The kids hadn’t gone to bed at all—instead they were sprawled out across the floor and benches of the mess hall, fast asleep, still in their training uniforms. Reggie and Petra were the only ones sleeping semi-normally, with their heads in their arms as they sat at one of the tables. Eld was leaning against one of the benches with his head slung back, with Evan’s head resting in his lap, and Gretel’s arm stretched across his chest. Murphy was curled up in the center of the floor, his leg sprawled out across Emily’s waist, as she slept peacefully with her arm brushing against Nifa’s. And Gunther and Oluo were lying flat against the floor, with a thin line of drool slipping from Oluo’s open mouth.

I pointed to them, and Levi scoffed. “Dumb brats.”

Silly kids.

On the way to Levi’s room, I made a quick detour into my office, to drop off the gifts in my arms. I placed the trilogy of books from Moblit in the empty space on the top row of the bookshelf, and the leather gloves from Mike and Nanaba next to my father’s journal on the desk. I took one more longing look at the dress Hanji had given me, at the gorgeous floral pattern and soft colors, before dipping it into the laundry basket in the corner of the room. I’d have to wash it later, before I wore it—

Wait, what’s that?

There was another small box resting on the chair of my desk, wrapped up in brown parchment with a note stuck to the top. Two names were written below, and I grimaced as I took off the top to peek inside.

Just a little something for your special night. Hope you like it!

Love, Hanji and Nanaba

I made sure to hide it from Levi’s sight, keeping the box close to my chest. Inside was a lacy set of lingerie—of fucking course Hanji and Nanaba would get me something like that. A pair of panties and a matching bra, both a beautiful shade of light red with bits of lace sewn into the sides. I shivered at the thought of wearing them—it must be so fucking cold…

Oh well, might as well get some use out of it, right?

Levi was already at the door, his hand twisted around the knob. “Ready?”

With a smile, I hid the red set into my cloak and pulled it against my chest. “Whenever you are, captain.”

His fingers were warm against my own, as he led me down the shadowy hall towards his office. The moonlight was soft in the windows, spilling against the floor and bouncing off his midnight hair. The urge to kiss him was bubbling in my throat, flooding from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. My stomach flipped, my hand squeezed around his own.

Fuck, why does he always have to look so handsome?!

The two of us stepped inside, with Levi locking the door shut behind us. As I slid my cloak off my shoulders (with the red lingerie set wrapped up inside), I began to head for his bedroom—but he was standing there in front of me, his arms outstretched, a leather folder placed delicately in his hands.

“For you,” his voice was no more than a mumble, and I could already see the flush of pink across his cheeks. “For your special day, birthday girl.”

I snickered and took the folder from him, but not before pressing a kiss to his heated cheek. “Thank you, Levi. You didn’t have to do this…but I’m glad you did.” He only shrugged, hands clenching together at his sides, his eyes dropping to the floor below.

I thought back to the last present he’d given me for a special date like this: the sketch of myself and Edel in the snowy lands beyond Utopia District. He’d given it to me as a Christmas present, and from the looks of the folder, I could only assume this was a similar drawing. Maybe that’s why he looks so nervous.

I opened the folder—and all of a sudden, the world froze around me.

Instead of looking at a sketch of myself and my horse, or even myself and Levi…I was looking at my family. All five of them (including myself): my father, my mother, my sister, and my brother.

Dad was sitting in his special chair, the one with the wheels on the bottom, with a brown blanket thrown over his lap. He was looking up with a smile, his hands resting across my mother’s hands over his shoulders. Ma was standing behind him, a sweet smile on her face, with her hair pulled up in her usual messy ponytail. Both of them looked just as how I remembered them: Dad’s little freckles across his face, the little scrunch in Ma’s nose, the wear of my father’s hands, and the softness in my mother’s eyes. For a moment, I thought I was actually looking at them in real life, as though Levi had somehow taken a memory of mine and plastered it on paper.

And my siblings were no different. Leyna was standing beside my parents, her arms crossed over her chest, her long blond braid falling over her left shoulder. She was glancing off to the side, smirking at me and my brother, who was mussing up my hair with a smile. I was startled at how much the drawing looked like Ben; everything about him was on point, from his reddish-brown hair, the quirk of his lips, to the stray piece of hair that always stuck up on the left side of his head. For someone who always liked to tease me about my messy hair, he sure wasn’t that big on keeping up on his own.

But the thing that struck me, besides the beautiful illustrations and vibrant colors, was the fact that Leyna, Ben and I were all the same age. We weren’t kids, we weren’t teenagers. We were adults, happy and smiling with our parents. Our parents, our father, who had never seen us fully grown up like this. Our mother, who had probably never smiled like that since Dad passed away in our little home in Shiganshina. And our brother, my Ben, who had barely scraped twenty-four years of age when he died. Here we were, all happy and content with our lives, and finally together again.

Something small and warm splashed onto the corner of the page. I shrieked and held it away from me, just in time to avoid more droplets from getting onto the parchment.

“Levi,” I was sobbing right now, struggling to smile through the veil of tears in my eyes, “Levi—fuck, how in the… I mean, how did you…?”

I could feel him slip the parchment through my fingers, placing it gently on the desk before taking me into his arms. His lips were gentle against my forehead; even through the sobs, I could feel him smirking against my skin.

“Why do you always burst into tears whenever I give you a drawing?” But there was no malice in his voice, only softness. “It’s starting to mess with my confidence, brat.”

“B-but—” I was blubbering like a child, staining the collar of his shirt with my tears. “…How? I mean—it’s gorgeous!”

How could he create something so beautiful? I knew of his talents as an artist, of the beautiful things he could bring to life with a stroke of his pen. He proved it time and time again with his drawings of myself and Hanji, and even Furlan and Isabel, if he was in the right mindset to draw them. But how could he draw my family so accurately—when he had never met any of them other than my sister?

I peeked over his shoulder at the drawing on the desk. His fingers were tangled in my hair, his lips still lingering on my forehead.

“Your sister helped me out. Told me what they looked like, and all that shit. Kept sending sketches back and forth to make sure they looked how she remembered them. So did Hanji and Erwin; Moblit helped me out with it, too.”

Oh, of course.

Erwin had been a cadet when my father was still active in the Survey Corps, so he knew what his face looked like. Hanji had visited my parents countless times over the years, snickering behind Leyna’s back when she scrutinized us for being a little strange during our time together, and laughing along with Ben as they both teased me about my height and messy hair. And of course Moblit, being the best artist within the Survey Corps, would chip in to help Levi. No doubt he wanted this gift to be absolutely perfect, so he probably wanted all the help he could get.

And to think, he did it all for you, Wolf.

Another tear slid down my cheek. “Did Leyna get to see…did she get to see that before you gave it to me?”

“Not this one—I sent her another one a couple weeks ago, when I finally finished it.”

Knowing my sister, she would be absolutely enamored by the drawing, even if it did come from Levi. While she wasn’t as vocal about it, it was clear she had a deep love for me and the rest of our family. At least she had a similar drawing back in Mitras to look back on whenever she wanted. And Levi was sweet enough to make one for her… Just thinking about it made me want to cry again.

“So,” he cleared his throat, pulling away and tilting my chin up with his fingers, “you like it?”

“I… I absolutely love it.” I leaned up to kiss him, smiling through the salt of my tears on his lips. “Thank you so much, Levi. I’m going to keep it right here—right in that drawer, with Dad’s journal. I just…I can’t thank you enough for making it—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled against my mouth. “I can spoil you a bit for your special day, sweetheart. I’m just glad you like it.”

The way he said it, with a slight sigh and tired smile, had me wondering if he had been truly scared I wouldn’t love whatever he’d drawn me. As though I would have a problem with him and his artwork, or any of the beautiful sketches he’d created just for me.

“Of course I do. And I’ll always love whatever you draw, no matter what.”

I kissed him again, pressing my palms to his flushed cheeks, sighing as he wrapped his arms around me. His body was warm and firm, so familiar and comforting and suddenly I knew—I knew I was completely safe. I always would be, as long as I had him at my side.

I wiped my sleeves across my face, catching the tears that fell before leaning in for another kiss. This time his hands lingered at my forehead, brushing stray pieces of hair from my face, curling them together at the nape of my neck. A burst of heat exploded in my chest; suddenly I could feel my stomach churning, the tips of my fingers flooding with energy, the rush of adrenaline in my veins.

I wanted him. And I wanted him now.

So I shoved myself into his chest, nearly knocking him into the door of his bedroom. But he caught himself quickly and opened the door, before slamming it behind him with his foot.

There was nothing outside these four walls. No Titans, no humans, not even a world beyond the Walls. It was just me and Levi, lost in our own little world. Our home, the one we had made together, safe and sound from everybody else. Nothing could ever hurt us again, as long as we were in each other’s arms.

“Mia,” my name was a lullaby on his tongue, as he took a seat on the edge of the bed, still pawing at my hips as I propped a knee on the mattress beside him, “are you sure you want this?”

“Of course I do.” I leaned up to kiss his cheek, before pressing my mouth to his ear. “Do you want this?”

He groaned, tugging me into his lap—and already I could feel the outline of his cock pressing against my thigh.

“Shit, sweetheart—fuck, you know I want this.” Another kiss to my lips, his fingers carding through my hair. “Wanna take the lead tonight?”

“For a little bit. Let’s see how it goes first, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

The two of us were relentless, moaning and kissing and ripping at each other’s clothes. I thought back to the lacy red lingerie waiting for me on the chair back in his office, and how much better I would look with it instead of my plain white bra and panties. But I was too desperate to stop and go change. I finally had him in the palm of my hand, a surge of confidence flooding my body, and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers.

The straps of the harness were always the toughest to get off; my fingers trembled around the buckles, leather slipping through metal with a groan, before the heavy backplate finally clattered against the floor. As Levi kicked off his boots and shoved his harness to the floor, I slid my hand around the back of his head and pulled him in for one more kiss. My face was burning, my thighs quivering as I took a seat on his lap, slowly moving my hips back and forth. He cursed under his breath, panting against my mouth as I felt his cock harden against my thigh.

“Fuck, sweetheart, come here—” Suddenly I was on top of him, cradling his head in my arms as he flopped against the mattress. “I want you to sit on my face. Let me taste that pretty pussy. Think you can do that for me?”

The two of us moaned as I brought my hips down on his again; already I could feel my panties starting to stick to my skin. With one hand propped on the mattress to hold myself up, I slid my other down my pants and into my panties—and I gasped when I felt the slick dribbling from my folds, my clit burning with need.

Fuck, I haven’t been this wet in months.

It was a good sign, at least. I wasn’t shying away from him or inching away from every touch. Instead I relished in the warmth of his body, his skin and sweat and beautiful burning eyes. That had to count for something, right?

“I want you to.” I was panting hard as I slid my hand from my panties, my fingertips coated with slick. And when Levi opened his mouth to taste them, I could feel my head start to spin. “I want to ride your face, captain. I want to cum on your tongue—please, make me cum on your tongue…”

He palmed at my ass through my pants, dragging my hips against his, sweat dotting along his brow. Fingertips ghosted over the hem of my shirt, and without missing a beat I straightened myself up and pulled my shirt up and over my head. His hands were everywhere at once—my stomach, my breasts, and finally the back of my neck, as he pulled me down to nibble on the shell of my ear. I whimpered against the crook of his neck, head spinning and face burning and chest heaving and—fuck, I was loving this.

“Get rid of these pants, sweetheart,” he murmured, tugging the waistband of my pants down ever so slightly, “and you can ride my face as long as you want. As hard as you want.”

So I did. Within moments my pants and panties were strewn across the floor, and Levi was bringing me down to sit on his face. My fingers quivered against the wooden bars of the headboard; my clit was practically throbbing, begging to be touched and toyed with. But Levi was a tease—he only brushed his nose over it, before sliding his tongue through my soaked folds.

A mewl danced off my tongue at the first lick. Soft and light, I thought I’d imagined it at first. I rocked my hips back and forth on his face, searching for any bit of friction I could find, just to ease the burning ache in my clit.

But then he was pushing me back down, keeping my thighs locked around his head, lapping at my sex like a starved man.

I was gasping for breath, leaning over the headboard, clawing at the wood with all my might. Eyes squeezed shut, heart pounding hard, I moaned out his name into the darkness, completely helpless to the way he was rocking me on his face.

“Levi!” My fingers fisted into his hair, and he groaned against my clit. When he wrapped his lips around it I could’ve sworn I saw stars. “Levi! Please, I can’t—ah!”

That familiar coil I knew all too well was starting to spiral in my stomach. With every lick, every suck, every light nibble on my clit, he was driving me closer and closer to my peak. And all I could do was sit there and take it.

Suddenly he was lifting me off his face, his lips stained with my juices, his eyes as dark as the night sky above. I fought to catch my breath as I smoothed out his hair on the pillow below.

“Tastes so good, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to my clit and smirked when I let out a whine. “Fucking beautiful. You like that, huh? You like when I play with your pussy?”

He reached up, dipping the pads of his fingers into the slick, moaning at the way I clenched above his face.

“What would you say if I did this?”

Suddenly his middle finger was inside of me—I could feel myself clenching around it, throbbing lightly at the stretch. At first I winced—I forgot how long and thick his fingers actually are—but it only took me a few seconds to ease up. And once I did, I was rocking myself back and forth on his finger, whimpering and whining and begging for more.

“Again,” my voice was borderline raspy as I clutched at his hair, “again. Another one, please—”

“Tch, so fucking greedy, aren’t you?”

But he obliged, sliding a second finger inside me, followed closely by a third. My hips were frantic at this point, nails digging into his scalp as he sucked at my clit, letting me ride his fingers and face until I was screaming his name so loud I was sure everyone in the Walls could hear me.

“Fuck! Captain, I wanna—please, I wanna cum! Make me cum!” Tears were leaking out of my eyes as the coil wound itself tighter and tighter. “Levi! I want you to make me cum!”

He flicked his wrist hard and fast, curling his fingers into me as he kept his lips around my clit. Once or twice he would pull away, tongue darting out to lick at my clit.

“Good girl, cum for me.” His other hand grasped my ass, keeping me balanced while also bringing me down hard on his fingers and face. “Such a good girl. Ride me all you want, sweetheart—I’m all yours.”

I tore at his hair, clenched my eyes shut, and suddenly I was screaming his name into the darkness, gushing all around his fingers and down his face. He was quick to lap up the remains, his tongue catching every last drop I could offer. It was only when I whimpered from his nose against my oversensitive clit that he began to lift me off his face, settling me down against the mattress below.

I’m all yours. All yours.

The words kept spiraling around in my head as I laid there on the bed, with Levi panting beside me. It was a simple phrase, commonly uttered in the heat of the moment. Plenty of women had heard it from men in their lives, especially those they had dedicated their hearts and souls to.

But this was Levi, who wouldn’t say anything unless he was absolutely sure he meant it, even during sex.

He’s mine. And I’m his, forever and ever.

“Until the day we die.”

“What?” He cocked his head in my direction, the back of his hand splayed out along his forehead. “What’re you talking about, kid?”

I glanced up at him—and suddenly, I knew. Even with the scent of sex in the air between us, the messy bedsheets beneath us and the crumpled clothes strewn along the floor, it all became so clear to me.

He was the one I wanted to die with. He was the one I wanted to grow old with, to settle down with and have children with. He was the one I wanted to slide a pretty ring on my finger when this war was over. He was the one I pledged my heart to, my body and soul, my entire life to. And in return, I knew he would do the same to me.

Not anyone else. Not Mike or Moblit, or Erwin or Blaise, or any of the other men I knew in my life. The only one I wanted was him, and for better or worse, the two of us were stuck together for the rest of our lives.

His eyes went wide as I climbed back over him, straddling his lap and fiddling with the buckle of his belt. My thighs were already aching, but I didn’t care. My attention was focused on Levi, who was still fully dressed, save for the cravat that was currently resting on the nightstand beside the bed. I can fix that in no time.

“Mia.”

His voice held a warning in it, although he didn’t stop me as I dragged his pants and boxers down to his ankles. Not even when I wrapped my fingers around his aching cock, thumbing over the flushed tip.

“Are you sure you want this?”

It was like I was a virgin all over again.

I smiled and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “Absolutely. What about you?”

His hands came to rest on either side of my face, nose brushing against mine, lips dancing over my own.

“Absolutely.”

He made quick work of his shirt, practically tearing the buttons apart before throwing it off to the side of the room. Now the two of us were completely bare, holding each other in our arms. I dragged my fingers along the planes of his chest, just as he began to massage the skin of my hips.

His hands were there, ready to catch me if I fell too far, to keep me safe and bring me back to him. I reached over to kiss his lips again, taking his cock in my hand. Little droplets of precum were already sliding down the tip; he groaned when I smeared it along the head and gave it a few slow strokes.

Fuck, I’ve missed his cock. I’ve missed holding it in my hands like this.

Another kiss, a silent nod, and his fingers were laced through mine, as I sank myself down on his cock.

I shuddered at the stretch, at the burn between my thighs as I clenched around his cock, struggling to adjust to his size. But before I could reach down to play with my clit, Levi was already reaching for it, stroking his thumb across the little bundle of nerves. I gave him a lazy smile, already too far gone for words.

He didn’t make a sound as I stayed there, his cock buried to the hilt inside of me, as I tried to ease up around him. No teasing, no begs to go faster—he was just staring up at me, his silver eyes tinted with lust. Lust and love.

I love you. Fuck, I love you so much, captain… You’re mine, as much as I’m yours. And I’ll love you until I take my last breath in this hellish world.

I took his hands in mine, pressing them to the mattress beside his head, as I lifted myself off his cock. As steadily as I could, I began to ride him, savoring every inch he had to offer—every bit of warmth his body gave me. My mouth fell open, my fingers tightened around his, and suddenly that coil returned to the pit of my stomach, begging me to go faster, to ride him and make him feel good, to make up for lost time.

“I missed having you inside of me.” My voice was no more than a whine, strained and desperate in my throat. I could see his jaw clenching, his chest heaving as I began to pick up the pace. “Levi—captain, oh fuck… I missed this so fucking much…”

How many nights had I gone to bed unsatisfied, too afraid to take that next step with him? How many nights had I belittled myself for acting like such a whiny little virgin, even though I told myself to just get over it already? How many nights had I laid beside Levi as he slept, fisting my shirt into my mouth, driving my fingers into myself, hoping that the scent of his clothes and shampoo would somehow be enough to get me off? How many nights had he offered to guide me through a round of sex, only for me to brush him off with a nervous laugh?

The last few months had been torturous, for both myself and for Levi. Too many tears, too many nights screaming ourselves awake at memories that grew foggier with every passing day. Too many scars that held terrifying stories, both on our bodies and in our minds.

But we’d picked up the pieces and carried on. We took care of each other, just as we always had. We held each other and kissed each other, let one another cry on our shoulders or into our chests, nestled into each other’s sides as we tried to sleep the nights away. We were slowly getting better. Slowly, but surely.

And now I could hold myself over him like this, fully aware that I was with someone I loved with all my heart. I could trust him with my body and my heart and never regret giving them to him in the first place. I could trust him to keep me safe, even in the darkest of times—and in return, he could trust me to keep him safe, as well.

I gasped when his cock brushed against that special spot deep inside of me—the one that made my vision blacken with stars and my fingertips tingle with pleasure. My jaw dropped, my head fell back as I scooped my hips into his again, and I moaned a little louder when I felt him hit that spot again.

“Mia,” Levi’s voice was husky, his fingers dancing along the underside of my breast, “I want you to ride me. Give me everything you’ve got.”

My eyes shot open. “E-everything?”

“Yes. Now ride me.”

I didn’t waste a single moment. My captain had given me an order, and I did my damned hardest to follow it.

I was gasping for breath, moaning his name over and over as I slid myself up and down on his cock. Every thrust of my hips sent another bolt of bliss coursing through my veins. Every moan from his lips, every hiss between his teeth gave me another reason to pick up the pace. And suddenly I was bouncing myself on his cock as hard as I could, moaning and whining and drunk on him—his scent, his touch, his kiss, and everything in between.

Levi, my precious captain, the one who holds my heart—

“C-captain!” My nails sank into the planes of his chest, keeping me grounded as I rocked myself back and forth on his cock as hard as I could. “Levi! Levi, Levi—”

You are my one and only, the one I want to live with. The one I want to marry. The one I want to have kids with. The one I want to die with.

“Mine!” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it—but I was too lightheaded and drunk on pleasure to correct myself. “You’re mine! My Levi, mine…”

My hips stuttered against his; I was getting tired, still worn out from coming on his face earlier, from riding his tongue and fingers as though my life depended on it. But just as I started to slow down, Levi’s hands were grasping at my hips, lifting me up and down on his cock at his own pace, and suddenly I was screaming out his name again.

“Yours, huh? Fucking right,” he growled deep in his throat, and a shiver trickled down my spine. “I’m yours—and you’re mine. My Mia. You’re my good girl, aren’t you?”

I called out his name as he punctuated each of his words with a thrust, hard and deep inside of me.

“Yeah, you are. My good—fucking—girl.”

I couldn’t get enough air, my chest felt as though it were about to burst. I leaned down to Levi, brushing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, smiling lazily at him as he pounded into me with everything he had.

“Tired…take over, please?”

He flipped us over on the mattress in the blink of an eye, sliding his hand against my thigh, wrapping my leg around his waist. I could only lean back and watch as he began to thrust into me, and the coil in my stomach only wound tighter and tighter.

I arched my back off the mattress, fists curling into the sheets below, as Levi peppered my breasts with sloppy kisses. He was relentless with his thrusts, set on making me scream his name over and over until everyone in the castle knew that Captain Levi was the one fucking me, the only one who could ever hope to make me feel this fucking good.

His name danced along my tongue, between moans and breathless whines, against the salt of his skin and the warmth of his tongue. He moaned into my mouth, whispering the word “Mia” over and over again, his cock brushing against that special spot deep inside of me.

My hands curled around his shoulders, nails digging into the muscles of his back. At the same time he stretched his arms toward the headboard, nipping at my bottom lip as he gave a particularly harsh thrust.

I gasped his name—“Levi!”—and suddenly my whole body was on fire.

Snap!

My nails dug into Levi’s shoulders, raking down the soft planes of skin below, just as the headboard fell apart in his hands. Some of the wood fell onto the pillow beside me, but Levi was quick to sweep it off with a wave of his hand. A part of me wanted to stop and check his palms for any splinters, but his weight kept me pinned to the mattress, his hips slamming into mine at a ruthless pace.

I was babbling at this point, kissing every inch of his face I could reach, pulling him closer as he drove me to my peak. And from the looks of his face—his sweaty brow, slack jaw and glazed eyes—his own release was close behind.

“Levi—oh fuck, Levi! Levi!”

I screamed his name into his mouth as I tumbled over the edge, clenching my thighs around his hips, locking my ankles around his lower back. Fuck finishing on my stomach—I want him inside of me.

Levi groaned, gritting his teeth, throwing his head back as he continued to thrust into me. Soft moans were slipping through his lips; he was breathing hard through his nose, cursing under his breath with every thrust. He was getting sloppy with his pace, desperate and needy as he leaned over me and cradled my head in his arms.

“Mia—I want you—fuck, so bad—” Another moan, and I could feel his cock twitching inside of me. My nails scraped against his shoulders once more, and suddenly his hips still against my own. “S-shit, oh fuck—Mia!”

He growled into the crook of my neck as he spilled himself inside of me. I held his trembling body against mine, carding my fingers through his sweaty hair, tasting every bit of salt on his skin. I winced as he started thrusting into me again, at a much slower pace this time, and he was quick to give me a soft kiss on my mouth.

“Mia,” he moaned against my lips, as his cum trickled out of me, “I fucking missed this.”

I smiled at him, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. “I missed this, too.”

The two of us held each other, skin slick with sweat and grime, as he lazily thrusted into me. I kept my ankles around his lower back, keeping him in place as he moved against my body. And although I knew I was up to date with all my pills—Lina had made sure I had been kept on my regular schedule over the past year or so—a part of me wished I wasn’t.

A part of me wished for a different life, where the two of us could be safe and happy and blissfully in love, as my stomach grew swollen with our child.

“Levi, I want—” The words were already pouring out of my mouth. “I want a baby…”

I winced as soon as I realized what I’d said. What a way to ruin the mood. And while he’s still fucking you, no less. Nice going, Wolf—you fucking idiot.

But he only smirked at me, chest rumbling with a soft chuckle, as he brushed my hair away from my face. Perhaps it was the post-sex hormones, or the lingering bliss of being together, but he didn’t seem worried about what I’d said in the slightest.

“Not now, but someday.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead just as he scooped his hips, and suddenly I was clawing at his back again. “Fuck—I’ll get you pregnant someday, I promise. Would you like that, sweetheart?”

The thought of carrying his child within me, our child, and feeling his arms around my swollen stomach as he leaned down to kiss it and whisper sweet nothings to our unborn baby—it was enough to drive me wild. I was nodding frantically, panting his name over and over again as he brought me to the edge one more time.

“Yes! I want your baby, Levi—I want our baby—”

And suddenly I was whining again, throwing my head against the pillow as I reached my peak once more. My clit was throbbing at this point, painful but oh so pleasurable all the same.

Levi kissed me again, and one, two, three more thrusts and he was filling me up again. His hands were warm beneath my thighs, his cum hot and sticky as it dribbled onto the sheets below.

The heavy weight of exhaustion was starting to settle in my bones; even as Levi began to untangle us from each other, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open. Something warm and pleasant pressed against my forehead, and the soft scent of mint brushed along my nose.

“Shower first,” he reminded me in a raspy voice. “Then sleep.”

So I forced my eyes open and sat up on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder at the ruined headboard and—holy fucking shit. He had fucking obliterated that poor headboard, tearing a chunk of wood right from the bars. A few splinters were gathered at the top of the pillow, and even more were starting to spill onto the floorboards.

“W-what did you do?” I glanced at his palms, searching for any open wounds in the skin. Luckily I found none—just a few bruises from the wood.

“You should talk, brat. My back hurts like a fucking bitch.”

He turned his body halfway, and my mouth fell open at the sight of bright red marks embedded in his skin. Thin trails of blood were starting to well, stretching from his shoulders all the way down to his back. Immediately I grabbed a corner of the sheets and began dabbing at the scratches as gently as I could.

“I’ll wash them off when we get in the shower. Fuck, Levi, I’m so sorry—I didn’t realize—”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, a smug smile on his face. “It’s just that strange power you told me about back then, right?”

Suddenly I remembered: the warm spring night before the first expedition I’d ever attended with my brand new squad. Levi and I had spent the night training with our ODM gear, as he instructed me on how to effectively use my speed and newfound strength to my advantage to bring down a slew of wooden Titans in the forest.

I’d mentioned my weird adrenaline rush to him after some prompting, when he pointed out the similarities between our fighting styles in the fields. The raw and choppy movements, the wild look in our eyes, the sudden understanding of everything around us, and knowing exactly what had to be done and how to do it. The two of us had experienced similar rushes, despite coming from completely different parts of the Walls.

That had been the last time we’d mentioned it out loud. I can’t believe he still remembers that…

“Then that means yours must’ve kicked in, too.” I nodded over to the ruined headboard with a laugh. “So I guess I’m not the only one with a strange power, huh?”

“…No, I guess not.”

Whatever it was, it was beyond our comprehension. At least, for now. But we could worry about that all in the morning; right now, the two of us were in dire need of a shower, a fresh set of sheets, and some well-earned sleep.

With shaky legs, I followed Levi to the bathroom and settled into the tub with him. I slid myself behind him and began to wash out the cuts on his back. I couldn’t help but wince at the angry red marks on his skin, a clear sign of the rough, almost primal sex the two of us had just experienced.

“Quit staring at them, sweetheart.” He gave me a tiny smile from over his shoulder as I rinsed them out with water. “If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have let you do it in the first place.”

Yeah, maybe you’re right…

Once the wounds had been cleaned out, the two of us began to wash each other. His fingers were light and soft against my hair, down my breasts and finally between my thighs. In return I smoothed some soap over the marks on his neck, against the planes of his chest, before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

It wasn’t until we were out of the tub, all rinsed off and drying ourselves with a pair of towels, that I finally found the courage to speak again:

“…Did you mean it, out there? About…having a baby with me?”

Perhaps it was just something spewed out in the moment. Perhaps it was what men promised their lovers in the spur of sex, hot and blissful and almost mind-numbing. Perhaps Levi was regretting it now, as he glanced down at the floor rather than my eyes.

The two of us had never discussed the subject of children with each other, especially concerning this little relationship of ours. The topic had always been forbidden, what with our lives as soldiers and the promise of death lingering over our heads. This was no place to raise a child, not with the Titans currently scratching at the stone of Wall Rose. Not with the weight of our soldiers’ lives on our shoulders, both past and present.

For the last few years, I’d told myself that bearing children of my own wasn’t an option. At least, not until the Titans could be eradicated from this world altogether. But they were always hiding in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind, waiting for me to think about them once again. My own children, a son or a daughter, looking like myself or maybe Ben and Leyna, or even my future husband.

I still wanted them so fucking badly—and I wanted them to look like myself and Levi.

He cleared his throat, swiping the towel through his messy wet hair. Finally his eyes were on my own, as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders and began to make his way towards me.

“Someday. If you want a baby, we’ll have a baby. But…not right now.”

His hands came to rest against my cheeks, his lips ghosting over my forehead as he spoke. I quivered beneath his touch, swallowing hard before wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug.

“Someday,” I agreed, burying my face in his chest. “It doesn’t have to be now. But someday.”

“Right, brat. Someday.”

That was enough to tie me over for the time being. Besides, the two of us weren’t ready for such a heavy conversation like that. Not with everything else going on in our lives.

I could wait until he was ready. Until we were both ready to talk about it.

As I brushed out my hair, I watched Levi change the sheets on the bed, and I giggled as he grimaced at the broken headboard above. The wood splinters had been scooped up and tossed away, with the huge chunk of wood thrown on top of the pile in the wastebasket. But just to be safe, Levi propped an extra pillow against the headboard, to prevent any stray splinters from falling on us in the middle of the night.

“I’ll mention a replacement to Erwin in the morning.”

“You think he’ll be wondering how you managed to break it in the first place?”

He glared at me, and I only shrugged my shoulders with a smile. “As if I give a fuck. Bed was fucking old, anyway.”

Uh-huh, sure it was. “Maybe we should invest in a metal headboard, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He huffed in agreement as the two of us climbed beneath the covers. I tucked my head under his chin at once, sighing in relief as I felt his arms coil around my waist.

“Although I have to admit…it was kinda hot seeing you break it like that.”

He scoffed as I snuggled deeper into his chest, drumming my fingers along his shoulders. “Don’t get used to it; it was a one-time thing. I’ll get us a new one as soon as I can. Now go to sleep.”

“…Next time, we should try breaking the whole bed.”

“Tch, be careful what you wish for, brat.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, soft and sweet and warm. And finally, with my limbs heavy from exhaustion and my face pressed against Levi’s chest, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax against his body.

But before I dozed off, I could hear his voice against the shell of my ear: “Sleep well, birthday girl.”

Thank you, Levi. But I was out like a light before I could even respond.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #slow burn #levi x oc #levi ackerman #mia wolf #oc x canon #romance #a wolf with wings #wolves of the walls saga #oc story #oc insert #levi x mia #volume i #levi x mia smut #smut #sweets and treats #aot fics

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wiypt-writes · 4 years

Text

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch7: Eight Letters, Three Words, One Meaning

Summary: Katie and Steve’s relationship is blossoming, but they’ve still not come out to the rest of the team. Well, not yet anyway…

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, spiders (yeah, okay, I need a warning for those eight legged freaks) Smut (NSFW, 18+)

A/N: More credit to my edit partner, @angrybirdcr

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 6

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

June 2013

Katie was trying to listen, she really was, but the warmth of the June sun was lulling her to sleep, despite the fact she had only gotten up two hours or so ago. She was trying to focus on the intelligence that had come out of the Department of Damage Control, that a Warehouse in Columbia was housing a load of the alien based weapons for sale on the black market.

Maybe if she just closed her eyes….

She found herself daydreaming. About her favourite thing to day dream about. Steve. It was now five weeks since they had started dating and two weeks since they had been caught by Tony. Since then they’d spent pretty much every other evening wrapped around one another post making out. Sometimes it would just be a bit of heavy kissing, sometimes there would be a little more. Like when he had lain over her on the bed, kissing her neck, lips, chest, before slipping his hands into her panties for the first time as he’d coaxed her to completion that way before she’d returned the favour, wrapping her palm around him, bringing him off.

And then yesterday had been her birthday, which had brought her one hell of a present.

Katie had been on at him for as long as she could remember for a ride on his motorbike so, amongst other presents, Steve had Clint help him research the best helmet he could get and he’d bought her one, much to her excitement. She’d squealed and then squealed some more when he had revealed they were off out for the afternoon. He’d packed an evening picnic and taken her up to Rock Creek Park where they’d eaten subs, muffins and were now laid back on the blanket, her head resting on his chest.

“Your hair smells different…nice different…” He nuzzled his nose into it.

“Oh, it’s a different shampoo…” She grinned “It was in the hamper of ridiculously expensive toiletries and make-up that Tony sent me. Or should I say Pepper, as he will have had no idea about any of that stuff…”

“Smells of cookies.”

“It has oatmeal in so you’re not far off.” She smiled, looking up at the sky.

The pair of them stayed still, his hand straying into her hair before he broke the calm silence.

“You know, when I was a kid…me and Bucky used to play a game, spotting shapes in the clouds” he said

“Tony used to do that with me.” she smiled, shifting her head so that the back of it still lay across his chest but she could see upwards “See, there’s a dog…”

“Looks more like a cow to me…” He cocked his head to one side.

“A cow?” she snorted, “Where have you ever seen a cow look like that?”

The two of them stayed like that for another hour or so, playing shapes and making conversations before the sun began to stray behind the trees. Reluctantly Katie agreed it was probably time to go home.

“I’ve had,” she undid the strap on her baby blue and silver helmet, pulling it off with a flourish as she stepped off the bike outside her apartment, “the most amazing birthday, thank you…”

She reached up and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it doll.” He said gently as she reached into her back pocket for her key card. Smiling he dropped his hand to her waist as they walked to the elevator. When the doors opened, Katie tugged on his hand gently and led him in after her. Once in her apartment, he allowed just enough time for them to remove their jackets and for Katie to hang her new helmet in pride of place on the hooks before his lips crashed onto hers, the kisses growing deeper, and he hooked his hands round the back of her thighs and easily picked her up. She giggled, wrapping her legs round his waist, her nose brushing against his as he carried her up the stairs, dropping her gently on the bed. She spread her legs making room for him so he could settle his hips in between the space they made as she wrapped her arms round his neck, his hands gently running up the side of her ribs, pulling off the t-shirt she was wearing, cupping her face in his hands. He let out a soft moan as her hands started to slide down his chest and it was clear she had intentions of using her hands, if not her mouth as well, on him again but that wouldn’t do, not on her birthday.

“Uh-uh not tonight baby girl.” He said, gently grabbing her wrists.

She frowned and looked genuinely pissed off that he was stopping her. As she pouted at him, he simply smiled “It’s your birthday, after all.” He whispered into her mouth before setting her hands down on the pillow on either side of her head before turning his attention to her chest, sucking and biting through her bra, listening to the sounds she made right by his ear. He continued his affections downwards, pressing small kisses all the way down her body until his nose was skimming along the waistband of her jeans. She let out a groan of delight as he brought his hands up to undo them and started guiding them down.

The idea of tasting her like this had been on his mind since she had first done it to him but he was utterly lost, with no idea on what to do next. He glanced up at her, swallowing slightly and instantly understanding that he needed encouragement, Katie reached down to tangle her fingers in his hair, raising her hips to help him remove the jeans and her underwear. She knew he had never done this before, but now, as she gently bent her knees to allow him access she heard him let out a soft moan of his own and watched him as he snuck one glance up at her and then set his mouth on her.

It took a while, her guiding him gently, telling him what she liked, what was working and what wasn’t but she didn’t really have to give him too much direction. What he lacked in skill he made up for with dogged determination and eventually, her breathy directions died in her throat and then she was moaning and writhing in pleasure as his mouth worked her over, one hand in his hair and the other gripping the sheets. Her sweet, salty tang on his tongue set every nerve in his body on edge and the more he tasted the more he wanted.

Katie could hear and feel him groaning with each lick and suck he gave her. He was aroused, really aroused and surprised to find the warm feeling across his stomach was getting harder to ignore the more he worked her. When he focused his attention back on her little bundle of nerves, licking at it before closing his lips around it and sucking it into his mouth she was done. Her body convulsed, her back arched and she let out a strangled cry, his name on her lips and it made him slightly smug to hear. Steve held her down gently, one strong arm over her small waist and as her hand gripped his hair harder and she groaned brokenly once more, he felt himself go, tipping over the edge and he shuddered gently as his own release washed over him. Katie pushed her hand into his hair, having become too sensitive, gently moving his mouth away from her. Taking the hint, he obliged, kissing his way back up her body, pressing his mouth onto hers.

“Good?” He asked breathlessly, staring at her, seeking confirmation despite the fact she lay completely and utterly undone beneath him.

“God, yes.” Her voice was gruff, as she kissed him, the fact that he could still clearly taste her on his tongue meant that she would be able to too, and the fact that she didn’t care made him shudder, though that also might have something to do with the mess he’d once again made in his pants like a horny schoolboy.

As they kissed she began to trail her hand back down his chest reaching for his buckle but he stopped her again, pulling away.

“I err….” he trailed off, dropping his head slightly embarrassed. But he needn’t have been. The fact that he’d gotten off on giving Katie what was, frankly, the best orgasm she could remember having made her grin and she cocked her head to one side as she eyed him, tipping his head up to look at her.

“Best birthday present ever.” She smirked, drawing a laugh from him before he kissed her again.

“Agent Stark!” Fury barked, jerking her awake. Damned, had she actually fallen asleep in briefing? Steve was perched on the edge of Fury’s desk, and Katie could tell he was fighting to keep a smirk off his face.

“Sorry Sir, didn’t get much sleep last night.” She avoided looking at Steve as she spoke, her mouth tugged upwards at the corners.

Besides her she heard Clint give a snigger which he hastily turned into a cough. Of course he knew about the pair of them. Him, Natasha and Evans being the only people on the team that did although Katie and Steve had both admitted they didn’t really know how much longer they could keep it clandestine.

“So as I was saying,” Fury shot Katie another look as Natasha played along, patting Clint harshly on the back. “Salaad Ali.” Fury pointed at the picture of the main man responsible for the arms ring we had been tracking over the middle East . “Do we know much about him?”

“He’s a sick bastard” Clint sat up, suddenly all business. “Came across him on an op in 2009. Apparently when he was active as part of the regime under Sadam Hussein he was tasked with taking out a Kurdish fighter cell that was stockpiling munitions. He was undercover for a month. Then one night he kidnaps a guard, peels off the skin from his right hand, completely, and wore it like a glove to gain access to their stores using the biometric scanners.”

“That’s about power.” Katie took a breath as she rose from her seat. “Mocking and goading the people who he’s stealing off. Look at me, not only did I infiltrate your organisation, I maimed your security guard in the process.”

Fury invited her to take the floor and she stood up and spoke confidently. “From what I’ve read he’s obviously an organised offender.” Steve had to smile, before she had trained as a sniper after Clint had discovered she had a natural eye for a shot, she had joined STRIKE as a Mission Analyst-slash- Target Profiler. And she was good at it. “He’s sophisticated in his approach, and is a meticulous planner.”

“You have to be to pull off the sort of crimes he has, these are big jobs.” Clint said. Katie nodded as she paced slightly, the way she always did when she was thinking.

“I also believe from the other things he has allegedly done, the murders, rapes…he’s a control freak, a sadist, type of person who will always want the last word in the argument so to speak. Therefore, if he knows someone is on to him, he won’t come quietly.” She stopped by Steve and looked at Fury, then round the room at the assembled team. “We should be prepared for a fight. And they’ll be fighting to kill, not wound.”

“Can’t the air force just blow the place up?” Rumlow asked as Steve adjusted his stance slightly, his hand’s dropping to the buckle on his belt as he studied the man before his attention turned to Fury.

“If it was that simple we would have already sent in an air strike.” The Director shook his head, pushing a button to show a map. Besides him, Steve felt Kate shift a little and he stole a glance at her to see she was concentrating on the screen, her chin resting on the closed fist of her left hand, elbow supported on her right arm which was crossed over the front of her body. Steve watched as her eyes flicked over the details and he turned to the screen as well, immediately spotting what the problem was.

“There’s a civilian village less than five hundred yards away.” He sighed. “That place goes up so do they.”

“Exactly.” Fury nodded.

“Not to mention those weapons are really volatile.” Katie took a deep breath. “If they have as many as we suspect, then if they go up, it’s gonna leave one hell of a hole.”

“Which is why you need take the base and clear out the weapons.” Fury nodded. “And bring Ali in, I have some questions for him before we turn him over to the Authorities.”

*****

They decided to operate under the cover of darkness, to give them the element of surprise. Once they had some form of plan- a heat scan as they hovered over the building told them how many people were in the building and once they had established that they moved in. They operated as a well-organised unit, quickly and meticulously flushing out the hostiles.

It was all going too smoothly, especially as Ali was still in the building. Capturing him was surprisingly easy, even if it was Natasha that found him. In hindsight, that should have been a warning sign they probably should have spotted. As Rumlow and Natasha were leading him away, the team already having dispatched the rest of the hostiles, Steve, Clint and Katie headed deeper into the warehouse to locate the weapons themselves when, just as they found a hidden room off the main service corridor, there was a loud clicking noise and Clint stopped dead.

“Shit.” He muttered and Katie wheeled round and he held his hand up to her. “Don’t move.”

“What…” Katie followed his gaze and swallowed when she saw his foot resting over a small metal pad on the creaking floor boards of the first floor room they were in.

“Yeah…we have a problem.” Clint sighed, looking at her then to the Captain “Should have seen that one coming.”

He’s the type of guy that will want the last laugh, so if he knows someone is on to him, he aint coming quietly

Steve scanned the floor and spotted another trigger a few feet away from Katie. Pulling her to the left away from it he looked around the room.

“What’s going on?” Rumlow asked over the coms.

“The son of a bitch has the place rigged.” Clint wiped his brow “ I’ve triggered some kind of sensor pad.”

“If he’s laying traps in here then the weapons have to be nearby…” Steve said, as Katie dropped to her hands and knees, torch shining through the dirty, well-worn floorboards.

“The device has to be under here…” she said, and she began to follow the wire across the floor, keeping her eyes peeled for more booby-traps, as Steve carefully made his way into a small room off to their right avoiding another trigger as he went. His eyes scanned the various crates of the familiar shining metal weapons and he sighed.

“Found the jackpot…”

“So have I.” Katie said, stopping crawling as the wire ended. She could just about make out the metal box, a red light flashing ominously through the gaps.

“Ok, we’re coming to you.” Rumlow spoke again

“No!” Steve hastily turned and walked back into the main room. “We don’t know how many of these he has laid around the place. Wait for my instructions.”

He glanced over at Clint who was stood, motionless, his eyes focussed on his foot.

“Barton, you okay?”

“Peachy, Cap” he said, looking up “Guess my Hawk eyes let me down”

“Happens to the best of us.” Steve looked at him as Katie stood up, pointing to her foot.

“It’s under there.”

“How big is it?” Steve asked.

“It doesn’t matter how big”. She said gently “It explodes then those weapons go up…” She trailed off.

And Clint dies no matter what, and as they wouldn’t ever leave a man behind, so did they.

"We need to start evacuating civilians.” Steve took a deep breath, “Rumlow…”

“We can start clearing the village but how many we’ll clear before-“

“Do what you can.” Steve cut him off. “Romanoff, have a chat with our prisoner, see if you can get him to talk, tell us how we turn this thing off”

“Yeah, not gonna happen.” She replied, not a trace of her usual biting sarcasm in her voice. “He’s out cold. Suddenly decided he didn’t fancy being captured after all and got a bit rough on the way up. I had to take him out.”

“Shit.” Katie muttered as Steve let out a long sigh, turning to face her as she stood, thinking something over. It wasn’t a great idea, but was the only chance they really had. So she decided to roll with it.

“Can you help me get the floor boards up?”

“Won’t that disturb the bomb?” He asked, frowning a little.

“Not if you do it here.” she moved about six foot to her left. “I can get underneath, see if I can disable it.”

Steve looked at her, then to Clint before sighing. It didn’t look like they had a choice.

“Alright.”

A minute later, Vibranium shield and steel knives had worked their magic as Katie and Steve had prised a space big enough for Katie to lower herself into, head first, torch in her mouth, phone held in front of her, on her stomach. She crawled over to the bomb and looked at it.

“It’s on a fucking timer too!” she sighed, swallowing as the timer had less than 5 minutes on it.

“How long?” Steve asked.

“Long enough…” she said, deciding not to tell them. She snapped a photo before dropping the torch to the boards beneath her so that it illuminated the dark space in front of her.

“Someone patch me through to Lawson …now.” she spoke

Less than forty seconds later Lawson’s British accent hit her ear.

“Nova.” he said.

“We have a situation.” She spoke calmly, although she was anything but. She didn’t like tight spaces at the best of times and there was a huge spider sitting to her right. And she fucking hated spiders. And she was facing a bomb, now with three minutes left on the clock. Swallowing her fear she sent the photo to Lawson’s computer, her hands shaking “Hawkeye triggered this, can we disarm it?”

A moment’s pause.

“Yeah, we can. I can talk you through this…”

Steve swallowed and looked at Clint, the man seemed surprisingly calm considering, but then he was used to staying still for long periods of time on stakeouts. He gave Steve a slight shrug and the Captain looked back to the hole Katie had shimmied into.

“You’re gonna need a knife or something sharp to cut the wires”

“Got it.” Katie wriggle to free the standard issue Swiss Army Knife which contained every single gadget known to man from her thigh pocket.

“Ok so first thing is first, you’re going to need to lift it out slightly to get to the wires ok. There should be 3…blue, white and red….but this is important Stark so listen.”

“Listening”

“The blue wire has to remain intact and in contact with the sensor under Hawkeye’s foot. So don’t cut it or pull it ok?”

“Don’t pull or cut blue, right.”

“You need to gently lift it out towards you, watching that blue wire, and turn it to the side so you can see the red and white wires…”

Taking a deep breath, with trembling hands she gently reached out and slowly, carefully turned the bomb to the side, letting out a small squeak of fear as the huge black spider moved closer.

“You okay?” Steve asked, hearing her noise.

“There’s a spider in here the size of a fucking Chihuahua.” Her voice was a slightly higher pitch than normal. Steve sighed, any other time her fear of spiders would amuse him. Not now.

“It’s gonna be more scared of you than you are of it.” He tried to placate her, but as he spoke he knew that was utter bullshit.

“ Lawson…I’ve got it…what now?”

“Cut the white wire first and then the red.”

Katie took a deep breath, her hands really where shaking now, and she took a deep breath trying to focus, ignoring the timer which was now counting down from one minute thirty. She reached out with her left to hold the white still and her right clutched the knife as she went to work. The wire was tough but in 3 cuts it was severed. She moved to do the same to the red, but on the third cut the knife slipped and slashed into the palm of her left.

She let out a yell of pain. “Shit”

“Katie?” Steve dropped to his knees, trying to see into the space but all he could see was her back.

“My hand slipped, I’m okay.” She assured him. Taking another breath she took another three slashes at the wire and eventually it gave. The light on the bomb went out and the timer stopped on twenty-five seconds.

“Boom.” She exhaled, her head dropping in relief, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Nice work Nova.” Lawson let out a breath.

Katie swallowed, “Thanks Lawson…errr boys, a little help?”

Steve moved first as she shuffled backwards and managed to get one strong arm round her waist and gently she folded herself up so that he could lift her out.

“You alright?” He asked and she nodded, breathing heavily, but he could see from the tears in her eyes she wasn’t. Before he could say anything, Clint had pulled her into a hug as Steve instructed the team to move in for extraction of the weapons.

“Thanks Nova.” Clint said as she stepped back.

Steve gently moved towards her and turned her to face him, “It’s okay, Doll, you did it.”

“Guess I did.” Katie’s breathing was still deep as the magnitude of what just happened overwhelmed her. She began to shake and Steve simply wrapped her in his large arms and she pressed her face into his Kevlar clad chest and he rest his chin on her head, looking at Clint who gave him a little jerk of the head, before he wandered out into the corridor to find the team.

Steve pulled back and gently took her hand, looking at the place her knife had gashed through the leather on her palm gloves. It looked fairly superficial, the leather having protected her in the main “That doesn’t look too deep but we’ll get the medic to look at it.”

Katie couldn’t feel it. She was numb, numb from how close that bomb had been from going up.

“Seconds…” she said, swallowing “Seconds, that’s it, we were seconds away from going up.”

“Hey…” Steve moved back slightly so he could look at his girl. “That doesn’t matter now, you stopped it. Everyone’s okay.”

The blood was pounding in her ears as she looked up at his helmet clad face, his eyes warm as they locked onto hers. She was starting to lose it, and if she didn’t find a way to ground herself she knew she was going to break down into sobs, and she didn’t want that. Not on a mission. Steve watched as she reached up to undo the clasp at the side of his chin strap and before he could say anything, although he really didn’t have anything to say, she’d pulled his helmet off. She looked at him, hair tousled, bottom half of his face slightly grubby compared to the top.

“Baby,” he said quietly but his words died as she ran her non-injured hand up the side of his jaw and then leaned up, catching his lips, hand on the back of his neck. Steve was surprised, but didn’t push her away, he never could. His arms instinctively pulled her closer as he kissed her back, everything else zoning out, until they heard footsteps and a voice which was slightly amused.

“Ok, nothing to see here.” Clint spoke. Steve instantly pulled back and looked over Katie’s head at the assembled team of STRIKE agents, Rumlow, Rollins, Evans and Nat stood at the front. Rumlow’s face was a picture and Steve, despite the fact he was kind of embarrassed about being caught snogging his girl in the middle of a mission, felt a smug sense of satisfaction.

My girl, asshole.

“Told you Rumlow.” Rollins was next to speak as Katie closed her eyes and pressed her forehead into Steve’s chest, the moment of adrenaline fuelled passion ebbed away and was replaced by a sudden worry of her effectively outing them without asking him first.

“Fuck me sideways.” Rumlow muttered “Didn’t see that one coming.”

“Rumlow, you’re an idiot.” Lawson’s voice hit their ears “I aint even there and even I could see that a mile off. Mate, Fury only has one eye and I bet he could see it all the way from DC.”

Steve let out an exasperated sigh, but his arms didn’t let go of his precious charge as he issued an instruction. “Alright, wrap it up. Let’s get those weapons and move it out.”

His grip on Katie released as the team bustled into the room and he stopped to pick up both their helmets, handing Katie hers.

“I’m sorry…” she stuttered. “I didn’t mean to do that, I didn’t know they’d see.”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay.” He spoke gently, brushing her face with his gloved palm

“You’re not mad?”

“No.” He shook his head as she took her helmet off him with an air of surprise. “I mean they had to find out eventually, right. Maybe it isn’t exactly how I would have chosen to do it but…”

Katie snorted “Better or worse than being caught in the kitchen?”

He gave a small laugh “Undecided. Come on, let’s help them pack up those weapons and we can go home.”

******

The two of them were careful to keep a distance for the rest of the mission and trip home, a professional front was imperative to Steve and Katie was also keen to keep it that way too. She didn’t want anyone saying that either of them were impartial or unable to keep themselves objective. That said, on the flight home they took the inevitable teasing that naturally was always going to come their way when the team found out that its Captain and Sniper were together on the chin. It was all well natured though, and there were no smutty remarks beyond Evans asking Katie if she’d had her bed reinforced now she was sharing it with a super-soldier. In response, she hit him square in the face with a well-aimed granola bar, as Steve flushed at the back of the jet when he overheard. The Captain’s sharp eyes, however, clocked that one person who wasn’t joining in the joking and teasing was Rumlow. He looked like he’d been slapped in the face, and all Steve could do was hope he wasn’t going to be a complete prick going forward.

At the debrief Fury was pleased they had gotten a result and surprised the entire team by handing Steve a wad of notes and instructing them to go celebrate a job well done, but the wink he gave the Captain as he left the room before looking at Katie in that way he did, with a smirk on his face left them both in no uncertainty that he knew what had gone down.

The team hit their favoured bar, Loris. Katie and Steve sat together, Steve casually resting his arm round the back of the bench they sat on, as the drinks flowed, food arrived and Clint and Rumlow organised a pool tournament. Pool was one thing, along with art, that Steve had been pretty good at before he got the serum so after a bit of coaxing he joined in, eventually winning after thrashing Lawson in the final. Declining the money, he told Clint to use it to get the team another round of drinks, but they were drinks he had no intention of partaking in. He wanted to take his girl home because he could tell she was still a little shaken from the day’s events.

He wasn’t wrong. Whilst she had sat and eaten and drinking, she wasn’t really listening. The sight of that bomb timer in front of her eyes, and that fucking spider… she gave an involuntary shudder and looked up to see the tournament was now over and Steve was making his way to the table she was sat at, Natasha nodding to him as she headed to the bar.

He dropped onto the seat next to her, leaned forward and whispered “Wanna get out of here?”

She looked around, glancing over at the bar where Rumlow and Rollins were chatting up a group of girls. Clint and Natasha were sat a few seats down, in discussion with Lawson about something whilst Evans was leaning on the bar talking to a few of the other STRIKE team. She nodded. Steve stood up, took her hand and pulled her off the bench, the pair of them making their exit quickly and quietly, jumping into a perfectly timed free cab.

They sat in silence, his thumb skating over the back of her knuckles on the short ride home, his hand releasing hers only when he had to pay the driver. He caught up with her inside the lobby, just as the elevator door was opening and he stepped in behind her, her breath catching as he dropped his head, nose nuzzling into the side of her neck below her ear before he placed a single, soft kiss on her neck. Her arousal was obvious as she bit her bottom lip and let her eyes fall closed as his lips grazed her neck a bit higher. Then higher still until they placed a chaste kiss on her jawline, and that was all she could take.

She turned round, eyes dark with lust and lips met his gently at first before the kiss grew more urgent and she brought her hands up to his face, sliding them back to tangle her fingers into his hair. The way she did that set every one of his nerves on edge and he found himself pressing closer and moved quickly so that he had her pinned against the metal wall of the elevator. His left hand gripped her hip tight, his right winding its way into her hair giving a gentle tug as he pressed his lips against hers, causing the kiss to deepen, a small whimper escaping her mouth. The doors opened to the elevator, and the two of them stumbled out, lips locked, her hands clawing at his hair still, the pair groaning as they went.

His lips started to stray, kissing the corners of her mouth, dipping down to her jaw and neck but she always pulled his face back to hers, kissing him encouragingly, and he knew there and then that there was only one way this was going to end. Which right now was absolutely fine with him, but he needed to know it was with her too. He pulled away and looked down at her, his eyes bouncing between hers.

“You sure?” He whispered, wetting his lips slightly.

“Stevie…” she replied, her voice barely audible over her deep breathing. “Shut up and take me to bed.”

And he knew then he was a goner.

He surged forward again, spinning them both round, pinning her to the panel in the wall which hid the closed elevator doors with his body. His mouth trailed down to her neck, softly kissing, drawing a sigh from her at the sensation as he continued to skate his mouth gently across her collarbone which was exposed on one side due to the slouching top she was wearing. His hands reached down to her thighs and he effortlessly hoisted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, nuzzling into his neck before kissing across his jawline and his cheek as he carried her across the apartment and up the stairs. He was aware vaguely of two small thuds as she shucked off her boots as they went, before he reached the bedroom his lips back on hers, urgently kissing her as he carried her inside, kicking the door shut before he crossed the room and gently fell forwards, depositing them both onto the bed.

His lips claimed hers again, a moan of his own escaping into her mouth and his hands strayed to the bottom of her top. She nodded eagerly, hands going to run through his hair, before she shifted and held her arms up so that he could pull the top over her head. He tossed it to the floor as she reached for his before he pulled back, allowing her to slide it up and over his head, both of them smiling into the kiss as he settled back down on top of her, his hand running up the side of her torso.

She pulled away from him this time and he watched as her eyes followed her hands downwards before she looked back up at him as her fingers gently grazed his stomach, lingering there before moving down to his jeans. He bucked at the touch as she slowly undid his belt, taking her time as she locked her eyes onto his again, lust had turned into softness as she looked at him. He stared right back at her, her eyes reminding him of emeralds, deep green, speckled with dots of brown, the slight ring of amber surrounding her pupil reminded him of the sun. Telling him of the power she exuded over him and the warmth she brought to his life.

He was aware that his breathing had quickened and he let out a low growl before he kissed her, harder and his hands moved down to her jeans, deftly undoing the button at the front. He moved, pulling them down in one go over her legs before he stood slightly, ridding himself of his, the sensation of finally being free was a God send. Katie sat up, eyes trained on him and he swallowed thickly as she undid her bra. He took a second to take her in, he loved her tits, he’d always had a thing for a good “rack” as Bucky put it, and she was a sight to behold. All soft pink curves and rose bud nipples. He was achingly hard now, and he needed to do something about it. In a flash he was on her again, mouth hungrily covered hers as his hands trailed up her legs, to her hips, up the side of her body and then onto her breasts teasing gently. She groaned, rolling her head back on the pillow at the sensation, her hips bucking upwards.

“Fuck.” He seethed out at the feeling of her grinding up against his rock hard crotch, and he nuzzled at her neck with his nose again. She dragged her fingers up his spine as he buried his face in the side of her neck working at the pulse spot beneath her ear, the little noises of pleasure she was making were music in his ear. Her hips moved again and he decided to help her out, his hand moving down and dropping below the waistband of her panties making her gasp as his fingers worked her. She was warm, wet, and he loved the fact he had this effect on her.

Her hips began to move in time with his motions, groans falling from her lips at the sensations lancing through her body as he nipped slightly at her neck and then moved his mouth to her chest, taking her right nipple in. Her groans were growing louder now and Steve couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to be in her, surrounded by her, feel her. His hands both shot to the side of her panties, completely forgetting his strength and he heard them tear. He dropped his forehead onto her sternum, letting out a groan at his stupidity before he heard a laugh, his head shooting up in surprise at the fact she found it funny.

“I’m sorry…” he blurted out as she continued to giggle.

“You literally just ripped my pants off”

“Guess I forgot my own strength.” he offered as explanation, looking at her, an apologetic look on his face.

“You know they were Victoria Secrets?” She quipped, looking at him. Steve had no idea what that meant, but he assumed it was some kind of expensive lingerie shop. A sudden joke popped into his head and before he could stop himself he shot it out.

“Sucks to be Victoria then.” and this made her laugh even more.

Eventually their laughter died down, and they shared another quick glance, and then her lips were back on his, still smiling as she flipped the waistband of his boxers down, and he shimmied out of them, before settling into the space in between her hips. She moved underneath him, telling him exactly what she wanted and he was so ready to oblige. He kissed her hard, his right hand tangling into her left as she reached down with her right, grasping him in her hand causing him to hiss slightly. She guided him to where she wanted him and he gently pushed into her. The feeling caused both of them to gasp and groan, Katie leaning back against the pillows as he stretched her, his girth and length filling her completely.

“God,” Steve breathed, temporarily paralysed by the way her tightness gripped him. His arms shook and he dropped down to his elbows, the hand around hers tightening as his entire body felt coiled tight like snake ready to strike.

The stillness gave Katie time to adjust to his size, but one she had she was aching for him to move, needing to feel him. She whimpered a little, her fingers digging into his lower back urging him on. “Stevie, please?”

He started moving his hips, slowly at first, building up speed as he gained more confidence, their hips rubbing together with every thrust. With every rock into her, moans of delight and pure pleasure filled his ear as his head rest in the crook of her neck, every inch of their bodies pressed as close as they could get. When she groaned his name, Stevie, the pet name that sounded so much sweeter coming from her, it was like a hot wire to his groin and he felt the tell-tale heat striking across his lower stomach he groaned again, wanting to hold out longer, wanting to get her there first. He brought his lips back to hers plunging his tongue into her mouth and she dug the tips of her nails into his back and he was completely overwhelmed by her. Not the sex, but her.

“Katie, I’m not sure how long I’m gonna…” He began to try and explain but then groaned again as she pushed up against him, his head dropping slightly as he struggled to fight it.

“Let me see you.” she said, nudging his nose with hers, her voice ragged. “Wanna see you let go baby…”

At her words he groaned and raised his head to look at her, her eyes soft and shining. He managed a few more shallow thrusts before he lost himself, stiffening and groaning as Katie watched him, his lips slightly parted as he bit his bottom lip, and then the eyes that had been locked on hers fluttered shut before he pitched forward to bury his face into her neck.

She held him running a hand through his hair as a final shudder ran down his body, the waves of pleasure finally began to subside. Her own heart was pounding with affection for her man. She didn’t particularly care that she hadn’t gotten off, nor did she care that it hadn’t lasted very long either, but he had made her feel good. He took his time, had tenderly caressed and loved every part of her, had appreciated her in a way no one else had before.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out before he could stop himself, “You didn’t even – I’m sorry.” He said again still kicking himself.

“Steve, stop. Just enjoy the moment. Please.” She whispered, kissing his temple.

Steve sighed as dropped his head to her chest, still inside her, as she ran her hand through his hair and down his neck. He stayed still for a while before he rolled off her and onto his back, pulling her with him so she could lie her head across his chest.

“It doesn’t matter you know” she spoke again, hand running through the soft smattering of dark blond and light brown hair on his chest “It was perfect because I was with you.”

“I just wish it had lasted longer.” he said, her words like a talisman in his chest as he cradled her close.

“It didn’t need to.” she looked up at him and felt her cheeks burning. She wanted to explain to him, exactly how she felt, but wasn’t sure she could find the words. She dropped her gaze from his face and he gently reached out with his spare hand.

“What is it?” HHhe asked, gently reaching out to tilt her face up to look at him.

“Just…no one’s ever made me feel like that, like this before” she said gently, her eyes shining. “You were so soft and gentle and…well I don’t think I’ve ever felt so wanted…” she trailed off, shrugging.

The band tightened across his chest slightly, how could anyone not want her? Gently he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“I like being your first.” he said, and she smiled.

They lay still for a while, his fingers gently combing through her soft hair before an idea suddenly hit him and it made him swallow nervously.

“We err…we didn’t… you know, use any…protection?” he said, stilling and Katie turned her head up to look at him.

“I got that covered, don’t worry…”

“How?” he frowned, confusion filling his features.

“Stuff has moved on since the 40s Steve.” she said, simply.

Her head returned to its spot on his chest and she gave a soft yawn. He dropped a kiss to her head and closed his eyes, pulling her closer, relishing the feel of her skin against his as their legs tangled together, the pair of them satiated and completely at peace

****

He was aware of her moving. He had his face pressed into the back of her hair, breathing in her gorgeous smell, revelling in her warmth and softness as her bare back was pressed to his chest, his arm wrapping around her, laying just under her breasts. It was all he could do not to moan as she untangled herself and he cracked an eye open, watching her bare ass and back as she made her way into the en-suite. Smiling softly through his tiredness he rolled onto his back, one hand straying to his hair as he lay still. Eventually he heard her make her way back into the room and felt the bed dip again. He could feel her eyes on him, simply watching. And it was all he could do to keep the smirk off his face.

“You get a good look?” he mumbled, shifting slightly, voice thick from sleep, eyes still closed.

“Sorry…” she said softly and he felt her finger gently tracing his jaw. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Well he was awake now, her touch igniting that desire once more. He shifted onto his side and cracked one eye open, taking in her appearance. Her long hair was cascading in slightly tangled waves round her face, and she looked absolutely stunning.

“I can think of worse things to wake up to.” he said honestly before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She responded willingly, his hand dropping to her hip before moving to her back and pulling her closer to him, the other arm snaking under her neck and angling her head to deepen the kiss. He rolled her over onto her back, one leg positioning itself between hers and he dropped his lips to her neck, nipping at that magical spot again. She let out a soft moan before she sat up slightly, pushing on his shoulders. It was just a hard enough shove to make him understand she wanted him lay on his back, and he was more than happy to let her take control this time. As she straddled him his hands tangled in her hair, pulling her face down to kiss him and as he did so she reached down between them, taking him in her hand and stroking him into full hardness which didn’t take much. He groaned but didn’t release her mouth as she adjusted position to take him in.

Slowly she slid down onto him, groaning into the kiss as she stayed pressed against him, and she began to work herself on top of him. She was quick to find a rhythm and her mouth fell open against his lips and she let out a shaky moan before sitting up fully.

This was another first for him and the sight of her on top, illuminated by the early morning sun sneaking in through her curtains was divine. He wanted to touch her, so he did, bringing her hands up to run them up her sides until his hands cupped her breasts, thumbs running over her nipples as she let out another moan. As she picked up the pace his hands went to her hips, pulling her down onto him harder, thrusting upwards to meet her for every move she made. She continued to move, quickening, her eyes never leaving his.

“Steve…”she groaned, as he tilted his hips up harder and he let out a groan himself, increasingly determined to get her there this time. As he felt himself beginning to tip over the edge, his hand moved from her hip to stroke at that spot between her legs and that did it. He felt her tense up and tighten around him, crying out loudly and unbridled as she shook. The sight of her coming undone on top of him, her cheeks flushed, lips pink, mouth open in a now silent scream, was simply incredible and quite possibly the single most exquisite thing he had ever seen. All of that, coupled with the force of her heat tightening even more made him lose himself again.

“Fuck, Doll…” the curse fell from his lips as he thrust upwards, before he spilled himself inside her again, the wave of pleasure deeper than anything he’d felt before. Katie collapsed forward onto his chest, her tremors subsided, both of them panting. He held her close, his fingers running up and down her spine as she let out a soft “hum” of contentment and he sat up, wanting to see her face to face. Still cradling her close he pushed the hair that had fallen over her face back behind her ears and she reached up, running her hands through his, causing him to close his eyes at the sensation of her nails on his scalp.

When he opened them again and looked at her something flashed in her eyes as the slight gleam of light through the curtains caught her face. She was looking at him, features soft, almost as if she was seeing him for the first time. His breath quickened slightly and he knew then that he was head over heels in love with her. No one had come close to ever making him feel like this and as he gazed at her, seeing the adoration in her eyes, he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Katie,” he said quietly, almost nervously, as he pulled her closer, his nose rubbing up against hers, “I love you.”

She didn’t hesitate to reply, she didn’t need to. If she was honest she’d loved him now way before they’d even started any of this. So without missing a single beat, she spoke in return as their noses continued their lazy dance, the words coming easily.

“I love you too, Stevie.”

Her reply lit a fire in his chest and he kissed her softly, grinning like a total idiot as she was smiling too, the kisses growing softer and shorter until she pulled away completely, her hand on his cheek, her eyelids heavy. He glanced at the clock, it was little past 6 and they could sleep in today. He had no desire to run, no desire to leave at all, so he set them both and slid a hand under her neck and pulled her to him, chest pressing into her back. He swept her hair to one side and placed a soft kiss on the back of her neck before he pulled the covers back up over them and closed his eyes.

Right there Steve would have challenged any man on the planet to prove they were happier than him.

**** O/S Phobias

Chapter 8

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #katie stark #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #chris evans #chris evans characters

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

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Sage and Sweaters Holiday/Winter Challenge Submissions

Hello Tumblr Peeps! As were getting further in the season, figured we would share what has been submitted so far as Challenge Fics. (Others will be added as they are submitted, there is no rush to participants to get them in.)

Its a lovely list with a bit of everything on it. Make sure to give the writers a round of applause for there submission, they are extraordinary stories that they have shared with all of us. I am always humbled by everyones talents.

Divider made by @firefly-graphics

Happy Reading!

Holly Jolly Xmas by @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho featuring Ransom x Reader. Ransom doesn't care for Christmas, but Reader loves it and is out to show him that it can be a good time by placing a friendly bet. Fluff

Pure and Good by @donutloverxo featuring Steve x Desi!Reader. Steve has found the love of his life and brought her back to the states. Its time for a wedding right around the holidays. Things don’t always go as planned in life, but sometimes its the unexpected that really makes the memories. Warnings- Smut

Naughty or Nice by @sweeterthanthis featuring Ransom x Reader. Its Christmas Eve and you are busy getting ready for your family coming over to celebrate your favorite holiday. Ransom on the other hand has other things on his mind and when he catches you nibbling on a forbidden holiday treat. Well... He cant just let you get away with being naughty can he. Warnings- Smut

Cozy Christmas Night by @just-one-ordinary-fangirl featuring Ransom x Reader. Its Christmas time and you are in full Holiday Spirits. Cookies, Music, Trees, Decorating. You are not letting anything ruin your Christmas, and your love for the holiday is slowly rubbing off on one Ransom Drysdale. Fluff

25 Days of Christmas: Day 2 by @stuckonjbbarnes featuring Loki x Reader. You and Loki are decorating the beloved Christmas Tree. Loki feels like its a bit of nonsense, but you won’t be deterred. Fluff

Surprise by @viinchester featuring Chris x Reader x Dodger. You decide that give Dodger a bit of a fun makeover for the holiday to surprise Chris before he gets home. Fluff

25 Days of Christmas: Day 6 by @stuckonjbbarnes featuring Bucky x Reader with Sam showing up at the end. You make the perfect cup of cocoa and Bucky is all there for it. Teasing and playing with you. Fluff

Riding High One Shot: Whamaggedon by @what-is-your-backupplan-today Frank x Fliss. Its the jolliest time of year and the girls are all for pulling everyone into the festivities, including Thor the dog. Franks gotta admit, maybe this will be one of the best Christmas’s yet now that Fliss joined the family. Fluff

Once Upon A Christmas by @the-soulofdevil featuring dark Steve Rogers x Reader. The Endgame is finished and Steve knows he needs something deep in his soul. Its not Peggy, that life is behind him. He’s seen to much and come to far. He delves into a new lifestyle, maybe something more then the reader was ready for when she started dating Steve Rogers. Warnings- Non Con/Dub Con

Stark Spangled Forever: A Very Rogers Christmas Part One Part Two by @what-is-your-plan-today/@what-is-your-backupplan-today featuring Steve Rogers x OC Katie Rogers. Its Christmas time in the Rogers house hold and the kids are all excited for Santa Claus to come to town. It features many guest characters, and I promise full of laugh and love. Fluff

Jingle All The Way by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork featuring Sam Wilson x Reader. The Avengers are spending Christmas on Clints farm. Sam decides to take you on a winter sleigh ride with Clints trusty horse team. Fluff

Parts of Whole by @gotnofucks featuring Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes. After Steve has left, Sam struggles with missing his friend and taking up his title as Captain America. But there is someone always at his side, someone who understands how Sam feels. (you will need tissues. I did.) Angst/Fluff

Stealing Ingredients by @nekoannie-chan featuring Steve Rogers x Brock Rumlow x Reader. You want to make Steve his cookies and Brock his muffins, but you need some extra ingredients. While you are gone, they boys come up with there own idea to surprise you. Fluff

Too Loose and You'll Lose It: Jesus Is My Homeboy by @icanfeelastormbrewing and @what-is-your-plan-today/@what-is-your-backupplan-today featuring Jake Jensen x OC Stella Stevenson. Stella and Jake are preparing a stag party for Pooch when looking at pictures brings the two of them down memory lane to a Christmas celebration filled with good memories for the both of them. Warnings- Smut, Swears, Drinking.

The Christmas Pickle by @thefanficfaerie featuring Steve Rogers x Reader. The Reader has a Christmas Tradition that requires a glass ornament pickle. Steve decides to join in on the family tradition and gets to hide it away for the other avengers to find for a special gift. Fluff

Search For The Perfect Tree by @theenchantedgalleryofstories featuring Chris Evans x Evangeline Blackwood. Evangeline has joined Chris’s family for her first New England Christmas. Fluff

The Highest Bidder Epilogue by @pagesoflauren featuring Ransom Drysdale x Reader. Its Christmas time and readers family is all arriving for the holidays. Ransom will get a first look at how his wife celebrates the season. A beautiful ending the The Highest Bidder and I highly suggest taking a look at the series. Warnings- Smut. Also Ransom also being completely lost shopping.

Freezing Cold by @steebsbabygirl featuring Steve Rogers x Reader. Steve and Reader are going away for a Christmas Vacation, thanks to Tony. A snowy cabin for the holiday? what could be better? Cuddles! all the super soldier cuddles in this beautiful snowy escape. Beautiful! Fluff

Pretending by @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad featuring Sam Winchester x Reader. Sam and Reader are old friends during Sams college days. After reconnecting their friendship, reader has a favor to ask. Of course Sam is ready for the challenge... pretending to be her boyfriend during her families Christmas Party. Fluff

You’re A Mean One by @stargazingfangirl18 featuring Frank Adler x Reader. Frank is a bit grumpy with Reader and Mary around the Holidays. His two girls playing a prank on him. But Reader is happy to make it up to him, and it is the holidays after all. His heart grows three sizes that year. Among other things. Warnings- Smut.

New Year Woes by @just-one-ordinary-fangirl featuring Steve Rogers x Reader. New Years Eve is here and you have to spend the holiday alone because Steve is stuck out on a mission. Its hard to hide the dissapointment from Steve no matter how hard you try when he tells you. But its the season of surprises, maybe Steve has one in store for you. Fluff

Not-So-Secret Santa by @navybrat817 featuring Bucky Barnes x Reader. Its secret santa time and Bucky wants to make sure his gift is PERFECT for you. With Alpines help and encouragment, he is sure to wrap the precious gift. When the party commences, the team is sure to encourage this beautiful moment between you two. Fluff.

The Pack: Silent Night, Holy Night by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork featuring Alpha Steve Rogers and Little One Reader. It’s your first Christmas with the Alpha, and Steve falls in love with the holiday all over again because of you. Warnings- Smut

In Love And ... by @bananapie99 featuring Bucky Barnes x Reader. The snow is falling and you can not contain that child like excitment for the occassion. Bucky isnt quite as enthusiastic, but you are able to bring him around to sharing snowy day fun and love. Fluff.

My Snowy Valentine by @twittytelly featuring Chris Evans x Reader. Sometimes the best things are the simple things. Like getting snowed in at home on valentines day. The world just consists of you two and Dodger spending some quality time together. Fluff.

Slush and a Side of Toys Part One by @redhairedfeistynerd featuring Chris Evans x Reader. You are much to busy getting ready for the holiday seasons, your time donated to the children who deserve the magic of Christmas. You dont have time for one Blue Eyed individual checking up on you. But you cant control the memories of the past that he brings up with one little text message. Smut

#ssholidaychallenge #holiday #holiday 2020 #winter fics #holiday fics

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myemergence · 3 years

Text

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process.

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen.

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously.

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him.

Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,” Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul.

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him.

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.

#buddiebigbang2021 #buddie #911 fanfic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #mywriting

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