#muppets bitch forever

[fat-worthy-wonderfulll]

“There is only one Miss. Piggy, and she is moi!”

[historicity-was-already-taken]

PSA for incoming grad students:

You’re about to enter into an abusive, dysfunctional relationship with your field. You will be managed and supervised by people who have no business interacting with other humans. Your academic future may end up in the hands of someone who hates you and will never tell you why.

Some advice:

-have friends and a support system or prioritize having friends and a support system outside of your department. It’s way too easy to get sucked into departmental gossip and drama and before you know it you’re gossiping about how N fucked A’s husband on the couch in the grad lounge and celebrating your thesis defense by shotgunning beer with the guy you’re in a situationship with and some of the “cool kids” while listening to Green Day (I love Green Day)

-yes there are “cool kids” and cliques and social hierarchies in grad school. That shit never goes away

-don’t have casual sex with people in your program for the love of god. Or at least, only do it if both partners are mature humans with good communication skills.

-these people will be your colleagues forever and academics hold GRUDGES

Don’t go in without SEVERAL plans for:

-what you will do when there’s no stable job market after graduation

-what you will do if the program destroys your mental health

-what you will do next if you decide that academia is not the right path for you

List brought to you by: my mistakes, mistakes I’ve watched people make, the fact that Bestie and I spent grad school behaving like the cranky old muppet guys while minding everyone’s business (but still being bad enough bitches to pass our thesis defense[s] with no revisions). My hair WAS full of secrets, man. I knew about aaaallllll of J’s sordid hookups and the deep revenge S took on J2 after she caught him sexting with M.

If you know me irl plz don’t respond with names details or questions about who did what. Text me for that shit I may be older and wiser but I’m still messy.

ETA: all of this said, don’t eschew ALL gossip. Academia trauma bonding is real and sometimes necessary to making it through; and, if you identify as a woman, you NEED access to the whisper network before you end up in the elevator alone with the Department Creep.

[ad-astrah]

Finally Watched Cinderella's Castle Digital Ticket (Twice) and I Gotta Get My Feelings Out Somewhere, Somehow (Part I)

Feel free to light up my DMs to chat about it!

And now, for my personal highlights/live reactions:

immediately I'm drawn in by Nick Lang's silly narrator voice and the way he warns us of what's coming. Especially the "muRrrDder!"

Jeff Blim cut his hair. JEFF BLIM CUT HIS HAIR. Not that I didn't like the long locks, but something about his Aladdin Era short hair gets me, man.

Jeff Blim literally getting to own the stage like the man was born to

Jeff Blim's slutty bard getup with the artfully messy hair and the heavy guyliner. That sinful bastard.

"Let's go." I'll follow you anyway, slutty bard.

Okay 80s rock jam! Hell yes.

idk why but I just love the line "There are tales in those walls, are they true or are they tall?"

THIS SET, THO. 80s vibes. Muppets vibes. Princess Bride vibes. Spooky, ethereal fairytale vibes. I love it! Props to the team who designed and built it.

prance, slutty bard boy, prance around that stage.

Jesus Fuck, I've only seen Joey's puppet but I'm already SOLD. Nick and Matt Lang and whoever else had a hand in making these puppets fucking OUTDID themselves! Did they use the Black Book and resurrect Jim Henson?

Throughout the show, the muppet vibes just absolutely amaze and delight me. Makes me feel like a little kid, spellbound by this fairytale. Except it's much darker, more gruesome, way more explicit, and extremely horny.

Oh look, it's Joey's Jingle/Jangle (whichever elf he was) voice from Black Friday.

Love me some o' dat non-binary representation from Ragweed. Starkid once again screaming GAY RIGHTS bitches.

I'm getting some of Jeff's Aragog from AVPS in this Narrator. Anyone else?

Stupid STUPID butcher!

Jon Matteson's accent. *giggles madly*

Angela IMMEDIATELY having to pause for applause before she finishes her first freaking line. The queen deserves it all, though.

The foreshadowing of the Stepmother cutting off Ella's feet. O_O

"It's furryyyyy and fouuuuul and full o' maGOTTTSSaaaaaggghhhh!"

Angela doing the little spinny finger thing in a guy's face to fluster them just like Max did to her character in Nerdy Prudes. I love these physical running gags. My fave being the Smoke Club, though.

OIIIINK oinkoinkoinkoinkoinkoink

Sir Preston asking for help from the audience. His "ELLAaaaaa....nooooo....."

The lighting in this entire show is SO COOL.

Again, Jeff just louging like a whore about the set like its his bitch. I live for it.

James' COSTUME. He looks SO FUCKING GOOD. Props to the costume folks...and to James' rockin' genes.

"But nothing compares to the juice and the hairs..." Oh no. Ohhhhh no I see where this is going. Don't say it, James, don't-- omg he said it.

er ee er ee er ee *window rolling down*

I thought the Prince drawing bewbies on the frosty window was funny already, and then he goes WAH WAH WAH and pretends to pinch them and I fucking lost it.

The Prince checkin' out DAT AZZZZZZ XD

"I'd wager she's wetter now than when I first found her bobbing in the river." OH MY GOD. PRINCE. THAT'S HER NOT-MOM.

If his highness has had every STD and beaten it, that's so fucked up but also damn, that boy's immune system is killin' it. Literally.

"Poor mad EllaAH"

"This is one thirsty FUCKING house." For real, omg.

"The offer stands firm. Come calling if you are!" *screams*

Jeff miming being crew and pulling the ropes for the curtains.

*audience member sneezes* "Bless you."

Angela's diction is next fucking level. PUNY. PINK. KIND.

The epic troll reveal! The puppets are SO GOOD.

THE FROG FUCKING TURNING AWAY AS SHE ASKED FOR IT TO DO SO SHE COULD KILL IT. CHRIST.

This bayou boogie song of Ella's is an absolute KILLER BOP. Holy shit. And it's SO perfect for Bryce's funky, sassy voice.

Speaking of which, BRYCE'S VOCALS. I'm gonna scream about them for forever and ever and ever. I love her voice SO FUCKING MUCH. I could listen to nothing else for the rest of my days and die a happy little gay.

"ohhhh woah woah waohhh" *flips the bird* She's such a queen for that.

"It needs oregano" WORK BITCH

Bryce's stage presence is fucking INSANE. I dunno how she's not on Broadway, but thank goodness we got her!

SIRE MANY TADPOLES!

GOD I love this absolutely depraved, horny little bastard of a prince.

It's amazing Tadeus hasn't murdered the prince yet. The man deserves a medal for the literal shit he's put up with.

Bugette?! I thought you choked on shit died and were consumed by the Hive Queen?

Rancilda being a typical troll and loving lurking under bridges and telling riddles.

Schuyler Sister vibes from the song with Justine and Lucy. So cute.

Justine and Lucy are SUCH real ones for IMMEDIATELY believing Ella about her family being trolls and for saying "fuck the ball, we're leaving NOW."

Shake dat ass, Mariah!

Lauren's physical comedy as Rancilda is NEXT LEVEL. I'm wheezing over here!

iSNn'tT it A BiiIItTcH?!

I LOOK GOOD IN THIS. What an absolute fucking BANGER. This song is gonna play in my head on repeat for the next decade. What a next level villain song.

Also this gives me some strongass Joan Jett vibes. "I love wearin' the skin of dead girls rock 'n' roll!"

and I hEEeaARr yoU'Re RiiiCCHhH

Seriously, is this the next Top Chart breakup revenge song? It should be.

"I really LIKE that song!" XD Putrice. I love how much of an absolute BIMBO she is.

Rancilda singing the song again. "SHUT UP STUPID BITCH, THE SONG'S OVER." "Okaaaaiiii"

Matt Dahan's ability to riff off the main songs and create motifs is otherworldly.

General MacNamara? Is that you?! Oh wait, nope. Still my slutty, slutty bard.

I LOOOOOOOVE this badass electric guitar intro, holy shit.

Kim Whalen, the queen, getting the bitchin' entrance she deserves.

Starkid is so, so good at their sound design to help immerse you in a scene without blowing a big budget or doing anything elaborate.

...Kim. My girl. Your arms must be tired.

She's just standing there, but Kim's stage presence is still so strong.

I can't get over how Jon's Sir Hops-A-Lot's voice is just a small...ahem. Hop, skip, and a jump away from Wiggly's.

JOEY. THAT ACCENT. You ABSOLUTE genius idiot. I love you for this stupidass voice.

Joey's bowl cut makes me giggle like mad.

I love these two puppets SO much.

GIT IT, KIM.

The call and response bit with Ella and the Goddess reminds me of Hamilton when Washington is dictating his Farewell Address. I know it's gotta be in other musicals, too, but that's the clearest comparison for this nerd at the moment.

Jeff sneaking in the "castle on a hill" song reference in this song.

Kim and Bryce dueting together is just Power incarnate. Holy cow. It's so good.

"You shall be as radiant and terrible as I." Ooooooh. Yes. Gimme.

The Narrator sneaking out from amidst the ensemble to finish off the song was really neat.

That fading spotlight before curtain for intermission with just Ella's face in view is so beautiful and haunting. What an epic close to Act I.

Also, it seems like this was also a strategic way to imply Ella's outfit being transformed there on stage during the song without actually having to do the tricky costume designing quick-change theater miracles of an ACTUAL outfit transformation. Which is really brilliant. Leave the audience to wonder until post-intermission about what Ella's starlight dress will look like.

[nyoomfruits]

-hugging and absentmindedly kissing their neck, resulting in mortification for one of them

Feels like a very lando move but leave it to you 🤔 Maybe he does it to the third then to try even it out/play it off but that makes it much worse or.... better 🤷‍♀️

hugging and absentmindedly kissing their neck, resulting in mortification for one of them

Max and Lando have really only been dating, officially dating dating, for roughly four months when Lando already manages to fuck it up.

In his defense, things have gotten a little… confusing, since they started dating. Or well, they probably got confusing long before that, back when Lando and Oscar first became teammates. See, Oscar and Max already knew each other. So it wasn’t weird for Oscar to join them, whenever Max was at a race.

Oscar and him were becoming closer and closer anyway, so really. It made sense. All of his best friends neatly packaged into one little bundle. Never having to choose between one or the other. It was ideal.

But then Max kissed him, right after his win in Miami, in a crowded club where no one would see, no one would care, and suddenly everything changed.

Except for Oscar. Oscar was still there. He offered, sometimes, to give them some free time, just the two of them, but Max and Lando always denied him. It had always been the three of them, why should that suddenly stop now?

Although Lando is starting to realize there’s a very good reason why. That maybe. Should have stopped.

The reason, and the way he fucks it up, all boils down to this.

They’re in Oscar’s room, curled up on the giant double bed, playing Mario Kart. Lando’s wedged in the middle, because he runs the coldest, and he’s the only one currently not playing, instead half snoozing on Max’s shoulder.

“Get blue shelled, bitch!” Max exclaims loudly, and Oscar lets out a quiet ‘noooo’, as something explodes on the screen, and the shoulder Lando is snoozing on gets slightly jostled.

“Yay, go you babe,” Lando mumbles, leans up to press a kiss to Max’s cheek that instead ends up somewhere on his neck.

The room goes quiet. “Thanks,” Max says, then. “But that’s Oscar.”

Lando’s eyes fly open, and he abruptly sits up only to find out the shoulder he had been snoozing on, the shoulder he was sure belonged to Max, was indeed, actually Oscar. “Oh my god,” he says, slightly mortified.

Oscar, meanwhile, is a truly delightful shade of read. “’S okay,” he says, quietly.

“About time, really,” Max says, the only one who seems completely unfazed by the whole thing. “Now scoot over, it’s my turn.”

“What?” Lando says, eyes wide, staring from Oscar to Max back to Oscar back to Max.

“Kissing Oscar, you Muppet,” Max says. “Thought we’d never get here.”

“Get where,” Lando stresses, as Oscar mumbles, “Uh, what’s happening?”

It’s Max’s turn to stare at them a little confused. “Us three? As like, a thing? I mean, that’s where we’ve been heading this whole time, right?”

“Have we?” Lando asks, genuinely confused, as Oscar says, “Oh my god.”

“Oh great,” Max says, rolling his eyes. “They’re both oblivious.”

“I’m not, I’m just. Me?” Oscar asks. He’s still quite pink in the face, and looking a little lost, all things together. For someone who is usually pretty unflappable he looks very. Flapped.

“You know, now I think about it,” Lando says. “It makes sense. Remember that dinner last week?”

“Where you kept saying you felt like something was missing but you couldn’t pinpoint what exactly,” Max says, a little dryly. “Yes.”

“Huh,” Lando says, as Oscar repeats another, “Oh my god.”

“What about you, Osc,” Lando says, turning to Oscar. “You in?”

“What? It can’t be. That’s not how you ask someone,” Oscar says, a little flustered.

“Ah, yes, sorry, excuse me,” Lando says, clears his throat. “My dearest darlingest Oscar. Would you be so kind as to kiss the living daylights out of us and hold our hands and go get pizza with us for maybe forever, if you so please.”

“Oh my god,” Oscar says, again.

Max shrugs. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, and surges over Lando to finally kiss Oscar, too.

[abbu0414]

Boarding Lessons (snowboarding!Ghost x fem!reader)

Word Count: 552

♪ Song to Listen To: A Dream With a Baseball Player by Faye Webster

I know this is really short but it's based off of a Tik Tok I saw this morning and it was literally the CUTEST thing I've ever seen.

This was literally the worst and most embarrassing experience of your life. Seeing so many people go down the hill with ease, and then you only being able to fall on your ass. You had been brought by your best friend and her boyfriend and they were the cutest skiing couple you had ever seen. It was disgusting, but you had been a hopeless romantic your whole life so it was easy to get over. 

You had been snowboarding maybe once or twice in your life when you were younger, but it is so much harder to relearn now that you are 21. Unfortunately, you had forgotten what the levels of slopes were so here you were…stuck on the top of the black diamond. 

“I-I don’t know that I can do this.” You said to your friend. But it was too late, her and her boyfriend were already down the hill.

“FAKE ASS BITCHES” You yell down the hill in frustration. You had decided to get over yourself and just go down. That’s easier said than done because you’re not even half way down the hill and you’ve fallen about seven times.

You would’ve been down the slope sooner but this group of assholes sped down the hill racing each other, and just about running you over on their boards. You fell yet again and burst into tears under your goggles. You laid in the starfish position and just sobbed for a few minutes. You hear another snowboarder make their way down.

“Slow down ya bunch of muppets!” A thick British accent pokes through the skeleton balaclava and a pair of goggles look down at you. 

“Would you like some help…?”

“Y/N, and yes I would. Your buddies are kind of assholes.” He lifts his goggles on top of his helmet and raises an eyebrow.

“Well I apologize for them, but what are you doing on the black diamond then love?” You turn bright red.

“My friend dragged me up here and went down with her boyfriend” You frowned. You see his cheek bones lift a little bit under his mask and loose strands of blonde hair poke out of his helmet as he stretches out his hand. He easily lifts you off the ground and holds on to your hands.

“I’ll help you down the slope, yeah?”

“Y-yeah okay,” You kept hold of his big, gloved hands and looked him in the eyes. “Don’t let me go, I cannot fall again in front of all of these people.” 

“I’ve got you love, bend your knees a little.” After a while it was smooth sailing and you both got to the bottom of the slope. You see a group of men approach him.

“We’ve been waiting FOREVER for you Ghostie, what took you so lo-” A man with a mohawk gets shoved by his friend. 

“Johnny, shut up, he’s flirting.” His friend says, rolling his eyes.

You looked up at him while his friends walked away shoving each other while unlocking your boarding boots. 

“Ghostie? Is that what I should call you too?” You laugh to yourself.

“You can call me Simon, and you can also call me anytime” He winks. You look down in your glove and see his number on a piece of paper crumpled up as he walks away.

‘Call me soon for boarding lessons Lovie ;) -S’

[goodnightmemes]

TIKTOK STARTERS PART 8

❛ I think we were a little too Shania Twain about the situation…As in ‘that don’t impress me much’, you know what I’m saying. ❜

❛ Sometimes if you just trust in the universe it will take you to the most unexpected places…LIKE THE I-95! ❜

❛ If you’re wondering what I’m doing here - me too. ❜

❛ If she’s your girl then why is she under my bridge answering my riddles? And you know that she not gonna get any of them right and that means I’m taking her. You’re losing your girl to me, the troll! ❜

❛ Thank god that thing doesn’t have emotions because it would be shitting itself. ❜

❛ I must ask you through my bitter tears though they fall upon the ground, do you think the floral pattern swim trunks or the solid color? ❜

❛ What if that would have happened to me? I’m so glad that happened to you! ❜

❛ The only arresting this guy will be doing is a restin’ on this soft soft bed. ❜

❛ If that makes me filled with misery well then call me Kathy Bates. ❜

❛ Poor guy doesn’t even have a co-host. ❜

❛ This is personal to me because…I lost my brother to podcasting. ❜

❛ That is so unrelated to what I just asked. ❜

❛ Have you ever wondered how many houses in your lifetime you’ve driven by that have people locked up in the basement? ❜

❛ Look what I got for my funeral! A ouija board! That way I can go to the funeral too. I don’t want to miss the party of the year. ❜

❛ You’re the orangest…crap nothing rhymes with orange.  ❜

❛ Life is a journey. Life is a highway, if you will, and I’m hydroplaning violently into the cement divider. ❜

❛ Ever since I started dressing like a mob wife babies have been waving at me a lot more. ❜

❛ Dude, we have so much in common. We both love shapes and chocolate milk. ❜

❛ You just saying that created so much paperwork for me. ❜

❛ That’s basically kidnapping. I mean, some would call it kidnapping. I would also call it kidnapping. ❜

❛ Don’t go around introducing yourself as a rogue criminal, cause now I have to call someone. ❜

❛ I don’t like who I become on Carnival cruises.  ❜

❛ I’m gonna wake up dead because I didn’t pay my dues to the wasps. ❜

❛ You’re going down Tom and Jerry style you fucking muppet. ❜

❛ I may not have a doctor but I have the palette of a little French boy. I’m gonna live forever. ❜

❛ You can’t light a candle when the Devil’s outside! ❜

❛ I don’t respect ghosts. Like what you mean you possessed a child? You could have possessed Patrick Mahomes and played his superbowl but you possessed a child with a peanut allergy?  ❜

❛ That’s why you’re not in heaven, cause you’re kind of a douchebag. ❜

❛ Oohh paranormal activity this, paranormal activity that - get a pair of bitches bro.❜

❛ We’ve only tripped about seven times. That’s barely any. ❜

❛ The Department of Hoes and Insecurity - it’s the thot patrol! ❜

❛ You remember when society peaked and we had Optimus Prime doing a monologue over Linkin Park? Nothing’s been the same ever since. ❜

❛ So the pettiness gods are having their way with me. ❜

❛ I believe in holding grudges. I’ll heal in hell. ❜

[captain-mj]

In honour of spooky month I have a horror prompt

Soap/ghost trapped in a time-loop by a malicious entity (super angsty) until they learn they can either annoy or scare said entity enough to stop fucking with them because I can’t read horror without a happy ending

If your stuck with something forever chance is your gonna find someway to piss it off

Thank you have a great day

God I hope I finish this by Halloween

Ghost woke up on October 30th again. He sighed and sat up, body aching from the way he just died.

His body had clipped through the floor and been shredded. Shockingly, it didn’t hurt that much, just tickled. But he still died and despite the reset in time, his body hadn’t quite caught up.

Ghost ignored the recruit that knocked on his door. He could recite the little speech that she gives him down to her cadence.

“Sir, there are reports of someone stealing-“

“Everyone's Left shoe. I know. Its Sergeant Daves. Check his locker." The recruit stopped in her tracks and nodded. “Uh, thank you sir.."

Ghost had spent about 60 days finding that out. It was very annoying because no matter how much evidence he got at the end of the day, he'd die in some strange eldritch way and then be right back at the beginning. Eventually, he figured out who it was. For the first few days afterward, he went through the motions of finding evidence but so far, there were no consequences he could see from just... telling her and making her leave.

He brushed her off and went looking for Soap.

His breath of fresh air.

Even if he was still bitching about working Christmas.

“Do you know how mad my Mam is??” Soap moved his hands a lot as he talked.

Ghost hated this next part. “Johnny.” He waited for the movement of his hands to go away. “We’re in a time loop and I have proof.”

Soap stared at him. "Nae. Can't be in a time loop or you'd give me the passcode."

"That's the thing you fucking muppet. You refuse to give me the passcode. If you'd give me the passcode, just for once, I could tell you it the next time I wake up."

"Why haven't you tortured it out of me?"

Ghost huffed. "The one time I do that is the day my loop breaks."

He had actually tried. He had ripped off one of Soap's fingernails and immediately stopped. Then, he tried to torture Gaz to get Soap to admit it. Same situation. Despite knowing this would have zero lasting effects, Ghost even planned to kill himself right as he got the passcode, he just... couldn't bring himself to hurt them.

He had been tempted to try again with Price, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do that either.

"Well, I'm not giving it to you. I'd only give it to you if we were in a time loop."

"This is a paradox. You see that right."

Soap shrugged and smiled at him. This is what Ghost hated. That Soap never believed him.

"One day, I hope I get the right words for you to believe me." Ghost said softly. So terribly sad. He stood up and got out his gun. Soldiers were immediately alert, but not frightened. While it was unusual for a soldier to whip out a pistol during breakfast, this was Ghost and well... his behavior was usually excused.

Soap frowned. "What are you doing??"

"Right door." Ghost shot the thing that came in. It looked like a dog. Not quite, but close. If he had to describe it in a coherent way, it would be a dog's skin that was stuffed with too little meat.

Soap grabbed his own gun, never went anywhere without it, and held it up. "How did yo-"

"Time loop." Ghost answered. "Don't go and investigate."

"Why?"

"Just watch."

Soap didn't go because Ghost told him not to, but he was clearly unhappy about it. He lingered where he was, the urge to move and figure it out and save the day, while all normally admirable traits, were now causing a power struggle in his silly little brain.

Ghost had went through this day enough to know that Soap would not go. He'd stay. Maybe if more time got to pass, he'd disobey Ghost. Soap was always loyal, but obedient was never a good descriptor for him.

But right as someone poked the dog with his foot, it broke. The skin broke into fractals, letting something ooze out of it that melted through the floor.

Poor guy that poked it managed to get his boot off in time, but Ghost knew that despite Soap's distaste for dogs, he wouldn't be so callous as to kick it. He would use his hands and lose his hand. He'd know because it happened three times already. One time, due to either how Ghost worded it or how he shot it, he couldn't be sure, it killed Soap.

Ghost was quick to blow his own brains out and reset the day. He didn't even want to risk a world where Soap didn't make it out of this.

Ghost tried not to think about how easy dying had become. Most of the time, it was simply to reset things. Sometimes though, he did it because after this point, things just get worse.

For days 6-10, a little bit before he stopped counting, he didn't bother to leave bed. He died by being mauled, drowning, a fire that broke out and Sergeant Daves breaking in and shooting him for ratting him out for hoarding left shoes.

Fucking freak.

He also died in ways he didn't think possible. Like no clipping through the floor, being sent to space, freezing to death on a regular day and melting.

All of these were punishments for doing certain things. Ghost had figured out the rules and tried to follow them as not following them seemed to irritate it. And also, he did not want to get melted again.

One, he could not kill the girl in the beginning. Torture was fine, he tortured her for information about the time loop. He tortured Sergeant Daves too. He specifically could not kill her.

Two, he could only talk about this to Soap, Gaz and Price. Mostly because none of them believed him. At least, that was his theory. Strangers meant instant death. It was the few breaks in the pattern he could find.

Three, trying to sleep past 4 pm. He tried to sleep the remainder of the day away and that's when he got shot into space.

Ghost sighed. "Soap, I love you."

"What??"

Ghost left the cafeteria. Soap would be too shocked to follow him for about 8 seconds, which gave him just enough time to escape. He made his way to the gun store to grab his sniper and then up on to the roof.

Things would move like clockwork. More of those dogs. If he wasn't fast enough, Gaz would be killed in the center of the training field. To do so, he'd have to shoot a recruit in the leg and let the dogs get to him first. Around 3 pm, Gaz would scream at him for it, but it was the only way Ghost had found for Gaz to survive until 3 pm.

Then, Ghost would have to go to Price's room an-

While thinking over his plan, Ghost made one of the dumbest mistakes a sniper could. Stop focusing on his target.

There goes Gaz.

Fucking hell. Ghost groaned and hit his head hard onto the floor. For a moment, he considered bashing his brains out instead of shooting himself.

Then, he got a funny idea. He sat up and found her among the rushing recruits. Ghost took aim and fired, watching her die. The girl from the beginning.

Ghost felt himself combust. The fire burned so fast he didn't feel any pain.

He woke up.

Ugh.

His mouth still tasted like smoke and flames.

Ghost rolled out of bed and groaned.

A knock at the door.

"IT'S FUCKING SERGEANT DAVES."

"Uh. Okay, sir. Thank you?"

"Get fucked and tell Soap to come here."

"Okay?" She left to do as she was told.

Soap walked, looking concerned. "Ghost. Why are you on the floor?"

Ghost slammed his head hard enough back into the wooden floor it made a cracking noise. Soap cringed and quickly grabbed him by his shirt and forced him to sit up.

"I'm in a time loop I can't escape from. This is so fucking annoying." Ghost groaned and grabbed Soap, squeezing him like a teddy bear for stress relief. "I just want it to end. I can't believe I'm going to say this. I want it to be fucking tomorrow." He bit Soap shoulder before screaming his frustration out.

"Calm down, Lt, calm down." Soap writhed in his arms.

"Never going to get out."

Soap frowned. "Is this your first time telling me?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. How long have you been in here?"

"I don't know." Ghost groaned and squeezed harder.

Soap nodded. "So you haven't gotten a chance to get my passcode?"

That was it?? He just had to seem more pathetic and sad??

“I haven’t. Can you give it to me?”

“My passcode is 4497.”

Ghost squeezed him tighter. “Thank you thank you.”

The room span So fast they slammed into the wall, almost obliterating them.

Ghost woke up and screamed into his pillows again.

His body ached a lot from that one but… it sparked an idea.

Ghost grabbed his knife from under his pillow and went outside. He stabbed the girl over and over again.

The moon slammed into Earth, killing him instantly.

Ghost went to the mess hall and stood up in front of everyone. “I’m stuck in a time loop and I bloody hate all of you.”

He was teleported to Saturn.

Ghost shot the girl, set the base on fire with everyone inside and told Soap the pass code over and over again so he’d know what was going on. He carried Soap around when he fought him and he killed himself and everyone else so many times.

The girl didn’t knock this morning.

Considering he was in the base after blowing it up, he knew the day reset, so this made no sense. Quietly, he came out, gun in hand. He started to walk around the base, surprised by the quiet.

This was new. A way to stop him from breaking the rules? Maybe?

Ghost went to bed at exactly 4 pm and he was speared through his chest.

The girl knocked again. When he opened it, she was pissed.

“You are so Fucking unfun. What the fuck is wrong with you??”

“Kill yourself.”

“Motherfucker.” She shoved him. “You suck.”

Ghost shrugged. “Gonna kill Me again?”

“Yes.”

He slid through the floor and died again.

Ghost woke up and groaned. “Ow. Ow. Ow.” His whole body hurt. Every one of his deaths had caught up to him.

A knock at his door.

“Fucking hell.” He threw open his door. “Soap?”

“Hey Lt! Happy Halloween, sir.” He was in a zombie costume. “You okay?”

“Oh. It’s Halloween?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you remember anything from yesterday?”

“No.”

“Thank god. I love you.”

“Huh??”

[the-muppet-joker]

Kermit was feeling down today. The swamp was muggy and the air was heavy, it made the acoustics of his banjo sound flat and uninspired. That's exactly how he felt...uninspired. He knew that he wasn't going to find any solace being on his own today and he knew that going to his friends wasn't going to grant him any reprieve form the doldrums of his day. "But maybe," he thought to himself, plucking a sour note on his banjo, "...maybe the Clown Prince of Crime could help."

So Kermit slung his banjo over his back and began to pad through the swamp, looking forward to a release form his now-eternal seeming ennui. He looked forward to the creases in the white face paint, the eternal smile and beguiling frame of the Joker.

The days they had spent together on the river were a balm to Kermit as he travelled through the miasma of the swamp. Kermit remembered the first time he had caught a fly on his tongue in front of Joker and how the Clown's laugh seemed so genuine, so free of the pain that always seemed to haunt the upswept scars. Kermit remembered how he wished he could have removed those scars and how the two of them could be forever in this world, away from those who would do them harm. Kermit's feet flapped a little faster. The hole in his back seemed emptier than ever and the absence seemed to propel him forward through the thick swamp air.

He remembered when a terrible bully had come trotting into his life and Joker had dressed for battle and taken up a mighty sword to defend him. How the Joker looked in the morning light as he went to celebrate the Day of Resurrection and Retribution. The Clown was a Prince of God that day. And then his Daddy tackled the Joker to the ground like a little bitch and told him: "Colter, stop!"

Play with my emotions. Kick me while I am down. It doesn't bother me. I am in therapy, after all. I can control my anger. I bet you didn't expect that? "Oh, that funny Muppet Joker! I bet if I can make him rage it will be a meme on Reddit or Tiktok or Twitter and everyone will be my friend and give me so many likes!" Well not today. I am not your puppet who dances for you, and you are not the one pulling the strings. I am the puppet master, as in you will dance on my strings, as well as in the sense that I dominate puppets in the bedroom and they refer to me as Master. I did breathing excercises after reading your trick and neither screamed nor cried. I am so calm and not angery or upset. Fuck you.

[muppet-lurker]

i dont understand people who wouldnt get married and divorced to someone for the bit

I will never get divorced because it is such a big sin I would go to hell and also I am not giving up my gorgeous muppet body to somebody who I am not being with FOREVER I didn't save my virginity and painfully resist the ceasless advances of all these horny bitches in my life all this time for nothing

[prodigal-upsiders]

having so many thoughts about music evolving from a hobby to a survival tool to a love language with the fruity four and i just 

after ‘86 they all have songs they can’t listen to anymore, all carry updated mixtapes like talismans in case, just in case, comfort and paranoia and protection all tapped out in the frequent little sounds of someone tapping their fingers against a plastic case. there’s a lot of time spent sitting together, back-to-back or curled around each other, hands clenching tight together while their safety songs play. 

as it sinks in that they’re safe, as they move away from hawkins and stubbornly build their own life, the weird co-dependent four of them, music comes with them. steve lowkey steals all of the best vinyl from his parents’ house, not that anyone but him was enjoying it there, so he hauls his whole collection to boston; eddie is constantly coming home from work with new tapes in his pockets because he thinks one of them would like this or just plain needs to listen to it for their own good; nancy starts keeping a little journal of lyrics that resonate with her, and one day she jots one down on a sticky note instead and by the end of the year one of their living room walls is covered in lyrics they love; robin learns new things like a sponge and instruments scratch that itch just as well as language does, constantly barging in to the music shop where eddie works to get her hands on something new and interesting until she can play steve’s song on so many different things (eddie and robin’s favorite, which steve and nancy hate them for, is the kazoo.)

it’s small things, too, ways each of them say i love you. nancy’s voice, still crackly and quiet from just waking up, crooning out a french love song as robin’s arms come around her waist while they both wait for the coffee to brew. steve taking the eyeliner from eddie’s hand as he gets ready for a show, just a snippet of put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty, and meet me tonight in atlantic city sung soft and low between them, eddie smiling as he closes his eyes and hums the harmonica parts back. somehow steve and robin always end up with the same song stuck in their heads--sometimes they’ll be out all day and not see each other until dinner, when one of them is still humming it and the other can go “oh so it’s YOUR fault” and they’ll both launch into the bit they’re stuck on, full muppet voice at full volume. 1997 rolls around and “Bitch” comes out and ruins eddie and nancy forever, they’re thirty years old and so annoying about duetting that song in the kitchen with spatulas for microphones.

their home is loud and quiet and soft and wild and everything they need it to be, and it’s never silent. they love music and they love each other and none of them are lonely again.

[moonwaif]

I own a silver and gold koi, grew up with that bitch, and still took forever to imagine what Li Yu’s Koi self looked like. Like two different sections of my brain were being used

A lot of what is going on in DTPPF is hard to envision. A fish standing on its tail? A fish jumping from different bowls and having different types of facial expressions? Half man half fish versus half fish half man? Fish sleeping in a leaf? Fish stacking fish? Fish on a swing? Human babies having full on conversations? It's like Prince Jing is the only human in a cast of muppets, and I think that's beautiful.

[berzerker-nerd]

Before anything else EXPECT THIS POST TO BE EDITED A LOT AS I I WILL BE ADDING MORE TO THE LIST.

I use a mixture of slang that I've sponged from the world around me and terms that I've made up either because I think it sounds good or as a hickism which makes it nigh impossible for older generations (and difficult for my generation) to understand me half the time. Also I sometimes tend to talk somewhat poetically. Because of this I will be making a list of terms I use. Feel free to add your own in the replies or reblogs.

1: hickism [ taking complicated terminology and simplifying it, often with my own version of verbal shorthand]

2: bastitch [gender neutral insult combining the words bitch and bastard which if im not mistaken was first used by Lobo from the DC Universe

3: my sibling in science (that one should be self explanatory but in case it ain't) [my non religious version of my brother/sister in Christ]

4: lover [ I use this as a gender neutral term for girlfriend or boyfriend]

5: partner [ I use this as the gender neutral version of sir or ma'am (I should point out here that I don't use the terms sir or ma'am for other people much because to me they just come off condescending nowadays but more on that in another post.)

6: 2 genders and some folks in between [my smart-assed way of saying ITS A FUCKIN' SPECTRUM]

7: gone 39 clues [ my version of 'lost the plot'. If I say that a series has went 39 clues that means I feel it has devolved into arbitrary insanity for No. Discernable. Reason.

8: grippers [ feet. 1 because I use my feet to pick things up and 2 because Damian Lee (the guy that used to work on the YouTube channel Emkay) calls feet grippers and the term kind of stuck]

Nigh: [this is actually a word thats been around forever with 2 meanings the first being oncoming; the end is nigh. And the second meaning almost; his armor is nigh impervious. I use it (usually with the word on right after it) to mean almost; its nigh on 102 degrees out here.]

First cup: [if I say 'first cup' it means that I'm on My first cup of coffee or I haven't had coffee yet and not to talk to me until I do.]

Aye: [basically how I say yes] you can blame the How To Train Your Dragon franchise and the Muppets Treasure Island movie for me for using the word 'aye' as an affirmative answer cause thats where I got it from]

I will expand this list to include more. As before feel free to include some of your own.

[orangeflowerpetals]

shower thought: how did transphobes graduate mandatory school, they don't even understand their native language and constantly fuck it up supremely

like, they must have been good in math or some shit (maybe basic baby science which is dumbed down to the point of being untrue), so they got passed up instead of going to summer school.

OR: you're telling me that they did go to summer school, didn't listen and were sent to the next grade anyway???

I mean, if you don't want to continue using pronouns and want to forever talk like a caveman in 3rd person all the power to you I guess weird flex but okay

But like, that's not what most of them mean

They just straight up don't have a clue on how to use english even though most are technically "native English speakers born and raised in 'Murica"

Bitch, people learning English as a second or third launguage have a better understanding of pronouns and how sentences work than most transphobes

I'd love to see someone try to write a book without pronouns (caveman Muppet speech) and see how far they get with it

I'll be on the sidelines with a bucket of popcorn

[joomma]

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[agir1ukn0w]

Tfw the fucking ant*s come crawling back out of whatever grimy hole they live in to scream about people who never did anything to them and shit talk a man who is hotter than they’ll ever be in their miserable lives

[hauntedhotel]

Thoughts at the end of season 2 of TMA:

1. How much of a letdown was Jurgen Leitner??? When Jon said his name I was like, "oh snap! the devil's librarian!" but then he was just some muppet collecting evil books cause he was bored of his rich-kid life and then he just straight up lost them all??

2. I almost don't want to ask but...is THAT what the fuck happened to Sasha? Like...is she dead dead? I can't cope, I was totally hoping they were going to be able to rescue her from table-purgatory or whatever but I might need to scream into a pillow now.

3. ELIAS!!!! Turns out he really did murder Gertie! Tbf even though I was joking when I said I thought it was Elias, finding out Gertie was planning to destroy the archives is a little bit worse than just finding out she was fudging her expenses so maybe it was justified. But the archives are evil (or...are part of a Lovecraftian entity of fear or torment or whatever, I might have to relisten to the episode to fully understand what's going on there) so maybe Gertie's plan to burn the place down was justified. Elias, you are a suspicious little dude and I don't like you, even if I'm not sorry you brained Leitner in the head with a pipe.

4. Jon and Martin intrigue me, because I know people ship them (although I don't know what basis this has in canon so if the whole show ends with Elias marrying them on the Institute roof or something don't tell me) and obviously at the start it seems like, laughably unlikely and the whole time I was listening to season 1 I was like "where tf does this ship come from, Jon is a straight-up bitch to Martin" but dammit, I can already tell this is going to be one of those ships where every tiny stupid thing has my heart-eyes on max. I was listening to the end of Crusader where Martin's asking Jon if he wants a sandwich from the cafe and Jon's like "that depends, are you going to helicopter me if I go to the canteen?" and Martin's like "that depends, are you still sticking to your bullshit story about the breadknife?" and Jon's just like "...I'll get my coat".

Me: oh...oh no...are they...actually adorable?

5. A genuinely sad thing I found about the tail-end of the season was the whole time I was convinced Jon was eventually going to have a proper conversation with Tim about the stalking and I figured it would fix things because Tim is not a monster and I feel like if Jon explained and apologised properly he wouldn't hold a grudge forever, but now Jon's left it to fester and it's past the point of being fixable and now Tim thinks Jon has murdered a random old man in his office.

6. Martin Blackwood, my beloved, he makes my heart grow three sizes every time he speaks! "Living happily ever after wouldn't actually be the worst thing in the world TIM!" You tell him babycakes! Your taste in men is questionable at best but if "secretly an idiot in an academic packaging" is your type then you fight for that happy ending!

*exhales*

Okay. Done now. Stay tuned for unhinged thoughts on Season 3 I guess!