#my dog is actually named BEEF

[beetnik-jay]

The sun will come out again and we will both be here to see it.

Wanted to draw a lil moment of rest after the battle of Denerim

[lotus-pear]

god i love skk sm i wish gay ppl were real :(

[amazingdeadfish]

Oh God, I can't stop thinking that you're planning to create some weird parallel between Hershey and mayor, because she's going to lose her owner and the mayor lost LBD, or something like that.

Or I wonder if Macaque being a "half owner" of a cat and the mayor owning a dog is a way to show how different they are?

Am... Am I too predictable for my own good?

Or am I just gonna do something even worse?

All I can say is that Mayor is- quite frankly, a dog person. They are in fact, a dog. If they were an animal then they would be a dog. And for self indulgent reasons, I would always think of them to be a giant white fluffy one.

I actually also think that it's safe now to admit that the only reason I created Hershey was for the sole purpose for the Mayor to have a dog. At least, that was the original intention. And I knew that Mayor would not actually ever go out of their way to get a dog, and so very certain circumstances had to be created in order for it to work. And so Yīzé, the friendly neighbor next door, was created. But the old man and little dog have grown on me so much that their purposes have far surpassed their original intentions.

Also: Macaque's ownership of Māo is unfortunately next to nothing XDDD. That cat is completely Baihe's responsibility and honestly this guy does not give a single crap about the feline. He's not so much of a cat person, but I can tell you that he's not a dog person either. He's... A monkey.

[alwaysforevermaybenever]

YANDERE FARMER BOY: INTRODUCTION

× cw: general yandere stuff; getting lost; large families; implied scary relative; stalking; manipulation; murder; cannibalism

× note: kenji my beloved

⌗ A country bumpkin who just moved to the big city with his father, mother, four sisters, three brothers, grandparents, other grandparents, uncle, aunt, six cousins, dog, cats and cow. His family isn’t big at all, it’s normal sized! Your family is just pretty small, you know?

⌗ He was lost, wandering in the busy streets when you found him. He looked so pitiful and innocent: who in their right mind wouldn’t stop to help him? In the end, you directed him back to the apartment block he lived in with his family. (They brought up the entire floor.)

⌗ His family was so thankful they gave you their home grown watermelons - they’re super delish, and completely natural, unlike those supermarket fruits with nasty preservatives. 

⌗ From then on, you keep seeing this farmer boy everywhere! The park, the mall, the shopping centre, even in your neighbourhood! He must have a terrible sense of direction, huh? Either that, or he’s stalking you. 

⌗ But that can’t be it! Who’d think that? He’s a sweet summer child, with not a single mean bone in his body. Sure, he may be a little naïve, but he’s an honest and compassionate person. He treats everyone he meets with kindness and respect, and gains a lot of friends as a result. In fact, he’s already quite popular with the local community!

⌗ You think that after four months he’s pretty used to the city, but he still insists on you visiting him at his apartment - his siblings miss you! (So does he.) Everywhere you go, he’s right behind. You’re going to buy some groceries? What a coincidence: he’s been sent on some errands as well! Visiting the post office? He’s free right now, so he’ll accompany you!

⌗ If you ever try to excuse yourself from his clutches, he’ll attempt to guilt trip you into staying. His grandparents have been waiting to see you for a week already! His grandma even made your favourite snacks - won’t you visit? If that doesn’t work, he’ll resort to sticking to you like glue. It’s okay if you don’t know he’s there. He’s just protecting you, okay?

⌗ He loves to spend time with you, because you’re the person who noticed him and helped him! Everyone else ignored him because he looked poor, but you didn’t care about any of that! You’re such a blessing! He’ll be sure to treasure you forever and ever.

“Hehe, thanks so much, [Name]! You’re always so nice to me! I’ll be sure to repay you in every way I can.”

⌗ He may be from the country, but he’s no fool. He comes off as naïve, but that’s because he believes that he should only retaliate when the other person hits first. That way, it’s self defence!

⌗ Humans are scum. Of course, the only exception is his family and you, whom he loves with all his heart! He'll be overjoyed if you’d become part of his precious family too!

⌗ If anyone bothers you or even looks at you wrong, he’s already onto them. He may not be able to really read the room, but he still knows when someone holds hostile feelings or thoughts. After all, he knows plenty about hostility. The villagers were full of that hateful feeling when they drove out his family. That’s why they came to the city, y’know? But it’s not all bad; he met you!

⌗ Humans are like cows. They’re fat, and they make a lot of noise. They’re also quite dumb. Whenever a cow misbehaved in his old village, he would just give them a hearty slap. If that didn’t work, he’d knock them out. And if the cow continually made trouble, it became dinner’s beef. There are lots of similarities between cows and humans, actually!

⌗ Don’t worry if the beef patty tastes a little tough or gamey. Him and his mother assure you that it was just a really active cow. It mooed a lot, and ran around everywhere too! It was too bad the cow was getting too big, and too expensive to feed… Indeed, what a shame. 

⌗ His family can’t wait for you to move in with them! You practically sleep over with him everyday, why don’t you just stay there permanently? He’s a very (abnormally) strong boy, he can help you move all your things into an empty apartment! They have an empty unit anyway: it’s perfect for you to live in with him! 

⌗ His younger siblings are absolutely in love with you - each and everyone of his siblings claim that they’ll marry you when they grow up, but he’s quick to scoop you up in his arms and proclaim himself as your future husband! Wouldn’t that be a dream come through? Oh no, now the cousins are here too! They’re all clamouring for your hand in marriage! In the commotion, he whisks you away to kiss you feverishly (he’s jealous).

⌗ His parents live in the first unit with his youngest brother, and his brothers and sisters live in their respective apartment units. His uncle and auntie have their own apartment, as do his cousins and their two units. His grandparents have a unit, and his other grandparents have one too! With you and your lovely farmer boy sharing a unit, that makes nine units in total!

⌗ But wait, doesn’t this apartment complex have ten units per floor? As long as you don’t inquisitively ask about unit ten at the end of the hall, or the rotting stench that seems to waft from it, everything will be fine and dandy! You don’t need to know about the family’s extra beef stash.

“You make me super happy, [Name], and I’d love to spend the rest of our lives together. You’re always helping me, so I’ll make sure to repay that a thousand times over. Imma make you so happy, you’ll never wanna leave me!”

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Mr. Egg, Mr. Pickle, and Mr. Hot Dog

Debut: BurgerTime

BurgerTime is one of those retro games and that's about it. It existed, and it's Retro!, and I feel like people don't really care about it aside from that. It never even got an awkward attempt at a scrimblo adventure reboot, like Frogger did! Poor BurgerTime.

Anyway, my first time playing BurgerTime was not by playing BurgerTime at all, but a SpongeBob Flash game clone of it. I have no personal connection to BurgerTime itself... but I know it has some enemies that are living foods! I always get a kick out of that! So I'm going to talk about some of the various design incarnations of them!

These original designs are exactly what you would expect from a 1982 arcade game. I feel like I've seen Pac-Man ghosts drawn EXACTLY like this. I like how Mr. Egg has the strangely realistic crispy bubbling detail around his edges. They're all fine.

...is what I felt before I noticed their elbows and knees! Ew! Bones! Wretched creatures!

Ohoho... now what have we here? The in-game sprites are delightful! The simplicity makes them very cute! Their feet are interesting, being just little floating lines, except for Mr. Egg's, because his legs are made of amorphous albumen! Mr. Egg is really the breakout star here. Look at his yolk! That's his EYE! This is so awesome! That's such a rare design choice to see, especially since egg creatures that are not of the "creature hatching from them" variety are pretty rare themselves.

Mr. Pickle is no slouch either! I appreciate him being specifically a pickle slice, often portrayed as nicely crinkle-cut. I just have to question why he is a villain! Pickles are one of Burger's best friends! This is like if Cheese was a villain! I think if anything Mr. Pickle should be a cute little sidekick on the side of burgers, and in his place can be, I don't know, Mr. Olive? Of course, pickles are much funnier than olives!

Mr. Hot Dog is not as interesting as the other two, but a simple sausage with eyes and feet is still cute. He is like the leader of the bunch, the main antagonist of our hero, Peter Pepper, who I do not really care about. I like that it's him! Burgers and hot dogs are like counterparts, but in no way equals. Hot dogs are easier to hold and eat, but burgers are just Better. And hot dogs have finally decided to give burgers a piece of their mind!

This flyer art is funny. I don't LIKE any of the designs showcased, but they're funny! Faces are moved around on the foods, noses are introduced to the series, and Mr. Egg is now a slice of a hard-boiled egg. You will also notice the elusive Mr. Lemon! Mr. Lemon is not real! I don't know why there is such an emphasis on lemon here. Finally, of course, you will notice the personified Cheese, as she noselessly beckons Peter to recline atop a beef patty. Ooh la la! Don't you wish you were invited to hang out with such a beautiful female cheese who is a girl woman?

Really, the designs of the core food fiends never diverged much from the classic cartoon-style versions they started out with, appearing like that in pretty much every sequel. Except...!

In BurgerTime World Tour, which was not a good game at all, these guys have been utterly rebooted! Now known as Frank Furter, Ruthless Dill, and Sonny! Are these their real names? Or just some similar guys?

The designs are rather basic, as to be expected from Foods With Faces, but it IS interesting seeing them generally made so much more monstrous. Something ESPECIALLY interesting is that Sonny the egg is the only one with limbs, reminding me of how Mr. Egg is the only one to have actual legs in the original sprites!

Ready for the SCARIEST redesign from World Tour?

This game's version of Peter Pepper is this horrible gentrifying millenial and I'm glad his game was prematurely delisted. I hope he got eaten by an egg and chewed by teeth made of yolk. I hate him!

[sargeantposting]

Alex: You two, I didn't know this, I actually– so, funny story about this. Um, I'm always on Youtube during– uh, not, not doing it during meetings, but for most of the time–

Logan: He’s always on it.

Oscar: You’re always on Youtube. Alright.

Alex: I’m messing around. 

Logan: He’s photoshopping things– 

Alex: My suggested videos coming up right now on my, on my work laptop, back at the race track is Formula Four from when you guys were racing. So, I get these recommended races from Knockhill of you two going at it. But you two have been teammates, you–

Logan: Multiple times. 

Alex: Were you teammates in Formula 4 as well? 

Logan: Ricky Flynn. 

Oscar: Ricky Flynn, but you were in Seniors and I was in Juniors.

Alex: Ricky Flynn is karting, by the way. [...] That’s a fast karting name, though. Ricky Flynn Motorsports. 

Logan: It’s good.

Alex: It’s a good one. Who won out of you two in karting?

Logan: Well, he was in–

Oscar: Logan.

Logan: Did I? 

Oscar: I was in Juniors and he was in Seniors. 

Alex: What’s the age gap between you?

Oscar: Like six months. But–

Logan: Yeah, what were you doing, mate? [Laughs.]

Oscar: He won the World Championship and then went to Seniors and I stayed in Juniors.

Alex: Big dog Logs. And then Formula 4?

Logan: Formula 4. So, that was really tight. 

Oscar: That was really tight.

Logan: Wait, there is a good story about this actually. Um, there was a bit of a–

Alex: Beef? Beef?

Oscar: There was a bit of beef, not between us–

Logan: No! Not between us.

Oscar: But between our teams. 

Alex: Really? Oh, so you weren’t in the same team?

Oscar: We weren’t on the same team. 

Logan: There were some team tactics– that I was not part of– that were going down in the last race of the season. 

Alex: I should sit down. I should get some coffee.

Oscar: And, um, yeah, it got a bit fiery. 

Alex: Well, come on. You’ve got to tell us. Gotta tell the fans.

Logan: Well, I’ll let Oscar tell. 

Oscar: There’s been a few flash points. 

Logan: Let's just say, let's just say he was getting held up massively. Like, backed up.

Alex: Your teammate?

Oscar: Like Checo Abu Dhabi 2021 kind of thing. 

Alex: Like Magnussen?

Oscar: Yeah, like Magnussen in Jeddah, yeah, that kind of thing.

Logan: I was driving off in the distance and then I shunted it on my own. Didn’t matter in the end. But, it was actually going to be really close. 

Alex: You know what? You know what I find crazy about that stuff is, I mean, these kids are paying serious money in F4. So why would you do team orders for your team? 

Oscar: Well, he'd already won.

Logan: He’d already won the championship.

Oscar: So we were fighting for second in the championship. 

Logan: And he didn't tell me he was going to do this. He just went out there and did it. 

Oscar: Yeah. So he won with like a race to go. This was for P2 in the Championship. And, yeah. It got a bit fiery. 

Logan: You know Jamie [Caroline].

Alex: Oh, he is fiery. What does he do now? 

Logan: Um. Is he still racing? I don't think so. I'm not sure.

Oscar: I haven't heard anything since. 

Alex: He must be watching this and going fuck these boys in F1 and I'm here. I don't know what you're doing, Jamie. But, but obviously, um, you should be here, you should be driving a Red Bull.

Logan: And then, yeah, of course, our battle in F3. 

Oscar: Yeah.

Logan: That went down to the wire. Last race of the year.

Alex: I was watching that. I think that I was in, I think I was in F1 at the time. 

Logan: Yeah, that was your Red Bull season.

Oscar: 2020.

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys were, um– 

Logan: And I shunt it again in the last race.

Alex: Did you?

Oscar: It’s like a theme here.

Logan: This one wasn't my fault though.

Oscar: Yeah, that one wasn't your fault. 

Alex: So, last race. I'm gonna give you some extra room. Just wait for it to come. Good. Well, um. You guys clearly have some history.

Oscar: Mm. 

Alex: Does that mean you guys must be– well, you guys are pretty close off-track. 

Oscar: Yeah.

Alex: You guys came into F1 at the same time as well. 

Oscar: Yep. 

Alex: Good. That's good. That's really nice. That's really sweet.

Oscar: Yeah.

Alex: Um, right.

Logan: It's like you with, you know, Lando.

Alex: Yeah, I could see that, I could see that. But even for us, I don't think I was that– we weren't teammates all that close throughout our kind of rise up because Lando came in super quickly. I was the slowest and then George was like somewhere in the middle. So. we kind of like–  Lando is still, what is it? Three years younger than I am? Two years younger than me? Three? At least. 

Oscar: Ok, so there you go. 

Alex: Yeah. Nice. Nice.

Logan: Next topic?

Oscar: Yeah.

[theresamouseinmyhouse]

tim + brentwood characters as boys i was legitimately friends with in high school and think of every single day:

Buzz- Jake (fake names for all of my friends bc privacy reasons) who complained about hanging out with nerds, got into a fistfight with someone else on his football team bc they called us nerds, was thoroughly convinced he'd run laps faster if he was hopped up on pixie stix (i held his backback while he got sick in the bathroom👍👍), he tried to hit on my older sister and she laughed at him, he was so put out he contemplated becoming a monk for a week

Wes: Max, who i helped sneak an entire bottle of orange juice on to the bus to our choir competition, but was unaware he brought a full bottle of vodka as well, ended up crying on our choir teacher for the three hours after the comp and i bought him a box of donuts after school, he did not stop doing this and had severe beef with a kid he knew in 5th grade and hadnt seen since but also hadnt forgotten their name and last i knew, was still awaiting for a dreaded confrontation to eventually come

Kip: Eduardo, who we all thought was studying during lunch but was actually filling his notebook with weird facts he observed about us and also managed to chew several packs of gum at once throughout our math class before the teacher noticed him, didnt know the plot to the clockwork orange so i lied about it for 5 weeks before he read it and called me just to tell me "you lying frog" befire he hung up

Ali: Ángel, who lied several times on separate occasions to the campus security about where people smoked, forgot what chihuahuas were twice, and almost drowned when he was swimming except his older brother got him and he immediately called me while waiting for the ambulance to tell me he almost fucking died, randomly sang a song about crabs he made up throughout the day

Danny: Ben, helped me with my biology homework because i helped him with essays, once released a live rat into the computer classroom because he had beef with the teacher, once texted me at 11 p.m. because he was having a mental breakdown over his chem work before he realized he was actually looking at trig and i told him id shoot him with a tranq gun if he woke me up like this again, kept forgetting how to tie his shoes

Tim: Teddy, he catfished 6 men over the age of 30 by pretending to be a 13 yr old girl and lured them to the part of town where there is an absurd amount of wild dogs that evade animal control and are known to maul humans, i watched him lockpick the english teacher's door so he could take back an essay he wrote bc it was actually a slash fic he printed out and turned in by accident, we hung out at a dennys once and he accidentally put his hand in syrup, looked me dead in the eye and said "i did that bc im gay" and wore pastel pink for a month bc it pissed off the hall monitor, his dad, and also six teachers he didnt even have class with

[epickiya722]

You know what, season 2 broke a lot of our hearts, didn't it? Well, here's some moments I thought were funny, heartwarming and just off the wall to lighten things up!

Starting with the Hidden Inventory/Premature Death Arc and if y'all want, I'll do a part 2 for the Shibuya Incident!

NOTE: I may have talked about some of these moments before in other posts.

Utahime, just all of Utahime in the first episode. She's awesome, I adore her. "SHOOOOKOOOO!!"

Chibi Satoru and Suguru. Especially the part of Suguru walking up the stairs as the others were talking. "Urusei."

"SENSEI, I SAY WE STOP THIS HUNT FOR THE CULPRIT!"

"SO IT WAS YOU!"

"Blegh!"

Shoko dipping out.

Suguru was really about to jump Satoru with a curse!!!

The fact that Suguru even went from wearing regular-waist pants to high-waist ones from manga to anime is glorious. Whoever decided that knew Suguru was meant to be a fashion icon.

Digimon

That WALK!!! Y'all, those are Special Grade sorcerers!

Suguru scowling Satoru on his behavior, also... "Satorrruuu~" Did he have to purr? That was a purr!

I love Satoru Gojo, I do. But with those glasses, he really do be looking like one of the Three Blind Mice from Shrek.

I don't know how but Toji somehow made saying he took his wife's last name scary. Like, he was very intimidating that it bypass me the first time of how cute it is that he loved Mamaguro a lot.

They actually added Suguru fixing himself a cup of tea in the anime!! This teenager really had that man captured by some Kissing Curse, told him he couldn't be a rice farmer and had himself some tea. Iconic.

Ooh, Satoru didn't have to do Bayer like that. But I applaud him for taking such a selfie!

Shoko trying to explain how RCT works actually irritated Satoru... which is rare!

Riko actually was the first to defeat Satoru. Did him dirty!! Suguru actually laughs at Satoru getting slapped while in the anime he looks shocked. Either way, his reaction is funny as hell.

"You look like a liar! And what's up with those bangs?" Then Riko got jumped for that!

Suguru's bangs ain't that bad, come on!

Knowing how Suguru turns out, it's something he's the one to tell Kuroi that she's Riko's family. Years later, he had his own "family". It's actually heartwarming he tells her that.

That old man didn't even get touched yet and he was already seeing his dead dog from 50 years ago!! Man's life flashed right before his eyes and he even says that! The whooping Suguru put on him was so bad that he was having visions!!

The one time Satoru is shown to have some sort of charm is with a bunch of school girls. The teacher should be locked up though.

Baghead man really had on the All Might cosplay.

Toji didn't have to say a word to that man and he still scared him shitless. Alright, Toji, I see you being all scary!

Satoru really be carrying kids like they're bags of groceries. Did it with Yuji, he did it with Riko.

"I failed!"

Kuroi being rescued! Satoru really stomped on those guys!

The plane scene. Satoru checking each passenger all with a glare. Meanwhile, Suguru was just chilling with a book, sitting there all pretty.

The whole beach scene!! "IT'S A SEA CUCUMBER!!"

Teen Kento having that hairstyle and his dynamic with Yu is just too adorable. He looks like he has Wii music playing in his head all day. Such a good kid!!

I cannot believe that DIO's VA is also Toji's. It's funnier when Toji has had beef with Satoru as a kid and DIO has had generational beef with the Joestars.

I just know that Worm Curse was having the time of its life on Toji's back while he was jumping around and being tossed about. Also, Toji smiling the whole time while fighting.

Suguru actually has mad hops! Did y'all not see that long ass jump?!

Squid gun. Speaking of, where in the hell did all those squids come from?! I need a story on that one!

Toji talking about how he fights for a while before Suguru tells him to shut up and due.

"Am I pretty?" "Sorry, you're not my type." Okay, well, damn.

The Worm Curse pretty much "NOPE" at Suguru.

That kick was fucking personal, I just know it! Also, the fact that Toji actually thought about the curses inhabiting Suguru's body is something. Especially, given later. I actually question that when Suguru dies in JJK 0, did Satoru have to deal with any curses?

Toji remembering Megumi.

Also, if you pay attention to the Worm, that thing sometimes matches Toji's expressions. It's like Reki and his headband (SK8 the Infinity).

Satoru standing all menacingly outside for Toji.

"Is he high?" Well, given that a few moments later he'll be floating in the air.

The fact that people have described Toji's death as "turned into the Apple logo" to "hot the Rengoku treatment". Y'all are out of pocket! And he looked so disappointed, too.

"Mommy... hug me..." That scene is just...

"I like girls with healthy appetites!" Yu, never change!!

Yuki's reaction to what Suguru tells her about what he has heard about her. "She's pouting."

"I heard you the first time. That's why I said 'huh'!" Bro was just that mad.

Shoko. Just Shoko when she and Suguru meet in Shinjuku.

Heartbreaking as the scene is, you had one lanky ass teenager looking deranged on one end and the other with the "I'm going to the store real quick" fit on having this fight in front of KFC. Becomes even funnier when you remember the slogan "finger lickin' good". What does this have to do with anything? Think about Yuji.

One, where did Suguru get the robes from? Two, given he was born the following year in February after Satoru, if I did my calculations right... Suguru really started a cult at 17. No wonder there was objections. After he killed that guy, I'm sure everyone was like "oh, he's unhinged".

Okay, but the head rubs he gave the twins was so cute!! Look, they may been raised as killers, but it's sweet that they were Suguru's family. He adored those girls and they adored him!

The first meeting between Megumi and Satoru!!

Satoru waking up and seeing his students was just so heartwarming!!!

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 12

And that's all she wrote friends! And how she wrote it was...weird? The show definitely pulled some punches at the end there, trying to thread a needle and ending instead in a kind of wishy-washy damp squib. The couples landed up right, but in the wrong way? Guu mai chorp. But these hoes still need their final sorting. Nick led the pack going into the finale, will he end up on top at the end? Only the mains this week in my final rankings, but first...

⭐A1. FUCKIN' MIX!

Then…can I be your friend too?

I'm sorry I can't hear y'all over my screams at the MESS Minx Mix looks set to cause. That man is too pretty to be allowed in public. I WANT IT JOJO, I WANT IT NOW!

🔻🔻🔻Z∞. Boeing (8)

I just happen to want something strong tonight.

In the end, Boeing is just a lonelyboy like all the rest of them, which is fine, but he also just...disappears after the Ray/Mew Voltron vanquishes him and he gets a consolation makeout from Boston, which is not. Anyway, Mond is a good actor, also he's hot and got to kiss a bunch of boys, so winning.

Top tier show sidepieces: Yo, Plug, Summer, Freddie Mercury 2, Sand's Mom, Ray's Dad, Daddy Dan, April, Mew's Moms (barely)

These characters were mostly on the side of the angels, and I thank them for their service.

Bottom bitches: Cheum, Atom, Gap

Yeah they apologised, but fuck em.

Onto our main six!

🔺1. Boston (2)

I'm friendless.

In the end, Boston's at the top of my mains pile, because MY MANS DESERVED BETTER. Not in terms of Nick, I think that actually ended the absolute best way: Boston made his case, Nick made his decision, and they parted more or less as friends (and I loved absolutely every conversation those two had in this episode). No I mean in terms of his shitty friends, especially MEW. Cheum at least apologised, even if perfunctorily, and he apologised for sleeping with Atom (yeah, he really shouldn't have done that). He and Ray let the water wash under their particular bridge, and seem set to be cool. They never really had much in the way of beef to be fair. But Mew...actually you know what, good. Some people you don't need to be friends with, especially people who are gonna judge you and try to make you feel shitty about yourself. The narrative leaves Boston literally alone at the end though, legit the last time we see him is sitting on the curb with tears in his eyes as Nick walks away. Thanks, I hate it. I hope New York is better to Boston, and I hope he continues to learn and grow and tackle those impulse control problems.

🔻2. Nick (1)

You should go back to living a fun and sassy life that you prefer instead of trying to please a daydreaming guy like me.

YOU COULD HAVE ACCEPTED THE GODDAMN PHOTO NICKYBOY. I mean I get why not, but justice for my mans. Anyway, Nick's legit my second fave main here, as he grapples with the in-your-face realities of Boston's separation of love and sex, and decides he can't handle it. And that's good, that he loves Boston enough not to judge him, and loves himself enough not to put himself through something he knows he doesn't want. Every single choice and every conversation these two have had since Nick apologised has been nothing less than stellar, and that's because Nick took accountability and chose honesty. Well done baby boy.

🔺3. Sand (5)

You're right. When I love someone, I become a dog. But at least my owner loves me.

Pathetic to the very end, consistency thy name is Sand. He could have at least thrown his bussy into that threesome, but nooooooo, he got jealous IN TWO DIRECTIONS AT ONCE 🤣. He's fine with both boys slangin the dick his way, but calls a halt when they leave him out? Sir that's when you stand back and admire. Sand's pick-me ass ain't never gonna be my absolute fave, but his self-awareness and humiliation kink work together to be kind of endearing in a guileless sort of way, and at least he's learned to take the money if he's going to accept the ownership. It's sweet in a weird kink way. Also, his and Nick's loser friendship pushes him several points higher up the scale. There's growth and acceptance there, and he's 21 so I'll let him have it.

🔺4. Ray (7)

You still love him so I dragged him here for you. But I wanted to join just a little.

Well when he's not drunk night and day Ray's still a rich asshole, but he's a ton more fun. I love that he knows the kids at community service don't like him🤣. I spot rehab therapy working on him a bit. That threesome set up was WILD, and I personally had a good time with it, but it's probably best that it led to talking rather than fucking. Ray's got a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go, but at least he treats Boston like a human being (I AM SO BITTER AND I'M NOT GETTING OVER IT). He's never gonna clock Mew's shittiness (BITTERNESS ACCELERATING) but you win some, you lose some. By the way sir, don't listen to Sand, he absolutely will be your sugar baby if you beg a little.

🔻5. Top (4)

Because I have you, everything is fine.

Top's smugness was the single most genuine thing about him, so I actually quite enjoyed watching him be a smug motherfucker this ep as he gets everything he thinks he wants. You know what I enjoyed more though? Watching his soul leave his body when Minx!Mix walked into the hostel and laser-targeted Mew. Mew putting Top through hell is legit my favourite flavour of their weird little fucked up relationship, and I'm sorry I won't get to see Mew eventually fall for Mix (you KNOW he wants to top somebody, YOU KNOW IT) and Top cry about it while he screws a bellboy in a service closet.

🔹6. Mew (6)

Are you about to say "But you're my last, Mew"? If so, I'm going to go puke in the bathroom.

OK, that line was funny, but jeez what a prig. What a sanctimonious nag. What a judgy little hypocrite. In his own conception he 'won' but Mew's the biggest loser in my heart. No he didn't have to forgive Boston, but come on, he could've kept it cute OR kept it moving full speed instead of the fake nicey nicey only to stick the knife in after. It's good that he walks away from Boston in the end, because with friends like Mew you don't need enemies. He makes Ray worse. And he and Cheum form the feedback loop from hell. Bookie sold the fuck out of this character, I have nothing but praise for him, but Mew is the living worst. I won't mention the character he reminds me most of in all of fiction, but if you're a certain age and you think about it a little, you can probably guess.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 updated early this month, and we're Yiffy now. It's a Valentine's Day miracle!

Yiffy was one of the most interesting characters in HS2, because literally everyone treated her like shit constantly. Jade's giving her daughter a smooch but also Jade sent her off to a boarding school explicitly because she was embarrassing to acknowledge and also Jade named her child Yiffy Longstocking on a joke and never bothered to change it. In the epilogues, Rose acknowledged that nothing in Candy was "real" and she was joining the rebellion basically for the luls, and one some level Jade and Rose don't think Yiffy is a real three-quarters-human person, and I think they think of her more like an OC in a game they like.

Well, that was my read of HS2, lets see how HSBC handles her.

Oh, this visual is great. Kanaya is so pissed off she's turning into the Ancestor art style in real time. She also kind of looks like Batman, here.

No doubt if your POSSE OF PUBESCENT PUNKS back at school could see you now they'd throw up laughing.

I am suddenly way more interested in Yiffy's gang than I am in half the HS1 cast. What kids join a gang led by a dog girl named Yiffy Longstocking?

Engineering that reprieve might be just about the only real solid your no-show non-mom has ever actually bothered to do for you.

Oh thank christ, there was a part of me worried that Yiffy wouldn't resent her parents for being the second-worst parents in HS2. This is the most interesting thing in the sequels, I think.

TAVVY: ,,, And also, everyone knows you exist now,,, instead of just me,,, TAVVY: And our moms

TAVVY: Wow,,,! YIFFY: TAVVY: You know, i was almost kidnapped,,, once,,, TAVVY: My mom removed the window, after that, TAVVY: Which, um, sucked, TAVVY: Though, i guess you'd know, uh, about that,,,

Oh, interesting. Tavvy knew about Yiffy this whole time? Actually, this and Yiffy's description of him via narration earlier imply they grew up together. I guess that makes sense, since he's Jane's kid and Jade inexplicably put Jane in charge of Yiffy, but he never told Vrissy about her secret sister? That's a bit fucked up, dude. Yiffy's not saying anything (and I hope she doesn't for a long time, until she has something meaningful to say), but her text color is Dave's red, even though she's not related to Dave. Or she is and HSBC is going to retcon HS2's most hated plot point somehow.

Pepis

Look at this ARRANT BEAVIS double fisting those cans of pop

"ARRANT BEAVIS" is a great Homestuckism

The Sylph has been slow boiling, you can tell.

Interesting that Yiffy refers to Kanaya as "The Sylph". I don't know what else she'd call her, I suppose, but Yiffy of all people being the one to mention Classpect is odd.

You've only been around this earth for 15 years, but it's a self-evident fact that there are no useful authorities. Gifted with unimaginable power, their concern only stretches so far as to manhandle those dependent on them, and tangles into ineffectual deadlock the instant it meets a challenge worth addressing. Potential killed for the sake of comfort. True kindness is real, but only for those that bare teeth and break skin. Why should these disingenuous, bystanding, spineless, SELFISH adults get anything they want?

Fuck yes, Yiffy hates all the HS1 characters. I've been hoping for this, she has more beef with them all than even Tavros, and it's a bit of Vriska energy this comic has needed that neither actually Vriska really provides.

Yiffy being the best thing about HS2 was maybe a hot take before, but hopefully it isn't now. She's great.

JADE: and of course you arent obligated to ever forgive me but... i dont want to lose you too! JADE: i love you kanaya JADE: youre my family KANAYA: You Fucked My Wife

This is the best update in the entire comic.

KANAYA: And Though That Travesty Of A Name Is Undoubtedly An Incomprehensibly Offensive Piece Of This Particular Puzzle KANAYA: What I See Is Not An Explanation KANAYA: But A Glossing Over Of The Worst Detail ROSE: Jane.

Yeah, HS2 kind of glossed over Rose/Jade putting TrumpHitler in charge of their literal child. I could copy/paste this whole conversation but basically Kanaya is pointing out that there's like fifty plot holes in Yiffy's backstory and it makes no fucking sense at all and are they going to retcon her to being Jade/Dave's ecto-kid?

ROSE: You've managed to exhume the solemn cadaver of my mother's memory and make her the star of another argument. KANAYA: As If You Ever Bothered To Bury Her ROSE: What does this have to do with anything!? KANAYA: What I Am Doing Is Demonstrating That I Have No Intention To Mediate This Situation KANAYA: Or Pacify It KANAYA: Or Even Be A Little Bit Nice Right Now KANAYA: So Perhaps Youll Actually Take Me Seriously For Once

This is the well-earned sass we've been waiting for since Yiffy's reveal.

ROSE: But more than anything else, I took her up on it because it felt oddly ROSE: inevitable. ROSE: Anyways, ROSE: Deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. ROSE: However we handled it. ROSE: Whatever hurt we caused. ROSE: It was never that serious.

Man, I'm glad that I'm live-blogging and put my read of the situation up as I went because I fucking called it. Yes! I am capable of retaining information when I read instead of staring at the screen slack-jawed.

ROSE: I knew you would forgive me. KANAYA: Rose KANAYA: When Did You Stop Trying JADE: yeah rose!!!!! JADE: what the fuck!!!!

Oh shit, Candy Rose is evil?

JADE: b-but i just dont want things to get even worse!!!!!! KANAYA: Then stop pretending that my feelings are top priority KANAYA: AND TRY BEING HONEST FOR ONCE JADE: WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER!!!!!!! KANAYA: Excuse Me? JADE: you heard me! JADE: you were wronged kanaya! JADE: the truth cant change that JADE: saying it just fucking hurts more JADE: what does that accomplish? JADE: its so embarrassing, would you even get it if i had?

JADE: you have no idea what its like out there JADE: how traumatizing dating regular citizens was JADE: imagine trying to love someone who already knows every available detail about you JADE: who has *opinions* on what happened to you as a child JADE: who assumes youre indestructible JADE: newsflash it fucking sucks!!!!!!! because no matter how nice they were JADE: they didnt want to know me JADE: they wanted to date the god of space

I have no notes, this is great and I'm thrilled everyone is mad now.

JADE: so everyone could lecture me again on how "bad" my "boundaries" are? ROSE: (I did that one time.) JADE: you want bad boundaries JADE: do you know how many people would be waiting outside public bathrooms to talk to me about their problems? JADE: this one guy randomly started apologizing because they cooked their hamster in the microwave! JADE: and they looked so sad... i had to hug them and say it was ok JADE: but it was not ok! JADE: they murdered their hamster! Rose: Ugh... JADE: and their other hamster killed itself KANAYA: JADE JADE: out of loneliness!!!!!

What the fuck, this is amazing.

The art here is great, by the way.

JADE: millions of people told me they loved me JADE: but i was never a real person to them JADE: i couldn't let that happen to yiffy too KANAYA: What JADE: i had to save her kanaya! JADE: give her the chance to grow up as a normal kid with a normal life

Jade she's half-dog and she's named Yiffy Fucking Longstocking, that ship has sailed. How are people not going to know she's your child?

Oh, okay. She wears a hat. Sure.

This art is so good!

KANAYA: Even If I Didnt Want Her KANAYA: She Was Already Here

*Makes a note in my "ominous foreshadowing lines journal*

What. Why does Jade have a Frankenstein in her inventory? What's that about?

And that was the update. Honestly? Banger, easily the best HSBC update yet. I could, and if I didn't have DnD in five minutes perhaps would (and perhaps still will!) write a whole essay on this. Phenomenal. A+

[thelampisaflashlight]

Everything Goes On Pt. 9

[I ask you, what's the sound of one hand clapping? Not suitable for younger audiences. Previous part here.] Below the cut.

Aether smiles at him.

Smiles!

And, fuck, does that have Swiss feeling conflicted.

It's not like he hasn't been talking to Aether, trying to be sympathetic to his side of things, but he's also been around Dew almost every day since he left.

Not that Dew has ever said anything to poison the waters between him and Aether, actually Dew's been way more forgiving than Swiss would personally be when talking about an Ex-

"How have you been?"

-and, fuck, that's what so messed up about all of this.

"Uh, fine, man. I've been good." Swiss manages after a second of confused floundering, "When did you get back? Why are you back??"

Aether holds up a stack of files in his hands.

"Ministry business, I'll only be here a day or so."

Or so.

Or so.

Or so...

Swiss chuckles nervously, but he hides it by wrapping his arm around Aether's shoulders and whispering, "I hope you have some downtime while you're here, because I have a big problem I need your help with."

"...Do is have to do with why your crotch is glowing?"

He was going to say something about the new quintessence ghoul not having his basics down -a blatant lie, the new guy rips- but when God closes a door, Satan opens a window, and, swallowing his pride, Swiss nods his head furiously, doing his best to look concerned about his glowstick.

"I can check you over once I deliver this paperwork to Papa." Aether says, patting Swiss' back and beginning to head back down the hallway, only for Swiss to snatch the back of his collar, choking him slightly, "Swiss!"

"Let's go this way! That way's-" Swiss hurriedly looks around the hall, catching sight of one of the custodians passing by, "-closed off for maintenance!"

"What?" Aether twists around to remove Swiss' hand, "It looks fine to me-"

"Hey, Jeremy!" Swiss calls out to the blue haired man, "This hallway's being shut down for maintenance, right?!"

Satan, please...

"Huh??" Jeremy glances between him and Aether, "How'd you know? I haven't put the floor signs out yet!"

"See?" Swiss grins, "I wasn't just yanking your cha-"

"Also your crotch looks like you have a fucking flashlight on in your pocket!" the others shouts, his face scrunched up in concern, "That better not be contagious!"

Swiss facepalms.

"Thank you, Jeremy!"

"Wait a second..."

"Bye, Jeremy!"

"Have you been fucking Lamb?!"

Swiss hooks his elbow around Aether's arm and pulls.

"We should run now-"

.

.

.

"Wow, little man has to muscle on him." Cumulus laughs, watching Brisket pull Mountain along through the courtyard.

"Nah, Mount's just scared to pull back 'cause Brisket's so small." Dew says from here he's propped up on his elbows beside her on the picnic blanket they've spread out on the grass, "It's fine though, it'll tire him out for his bedtime later."

"I'm surprised you got such a little dog." Cumulus says, "I took you for more of a Rottweiler type."

"Mount said pretty much the same thing." Dew lays back, stretching slightly, "Brisket's size makes sense for how much space I have available for him to run around, plus size isn't everything."

"Actually, I put a lot of thought into what kind of dog I wanted to get." he continues, "Temperament, trainability, health risks, quality of life..."

"And you landed on the Chiweenie?"

"Okay, part of it was the name." he admits, making Cumulus laugh, "But it was mostly because when I saw him, I was like, 'Man, that's my dog.' and that was it."

"Charmed by his good looks and killer personality... He is a very handsome boy, even if he does smell like a side of ribs." Cumulus says, recalling Mountain holding the puppy out to her to smell after Dew proclaimed, quite proudly, that he smelled like beef.

"Honestly, I'd say that's a bonus." Dew laughs, "He keeps me from staying in my room and wasting away."

"Pets are good for that."

"So, how'd your talk with Cirrus go?" Dew asks, turning to look over at the ghoulette, who gives a noncommittal sound, "That bad, huh?"

Cumulus lays down beside Dew and moves onto her side to face him, "She's not happy that I asked for space... I dunno, she's still acting weird, like she's hiding something from me, but I don't know what it could be."

Dew rolls onto his belly so he can rest his chin on his arms.

"I haven't really talked to Cirrus since before Aether and I broke up." he says, then furrows his brow, "Haahh... It's a little messed up that Swiss apologized for being a jerk about things, but Cir won't even give me the time of day."

"Have you tried talking to her first?" Cumulus asks, "I know you shouldn't have to be the one to initiate things, but maybe it would help?"

"Worth a shot..." He yawns, "Swiss was right, it is a good day to be outside..."

"Kind of weird he isn't outside enjoying it with us after bothering to tell you how nice it is..."

"Ehn, he probably just told us so we wouldn't be in the dorms during his little experiment."

Cumulus blinks, "His what now?"

.

.

.

"...So, how is Dew doing?" Aether asks casually as if he's not currently checking out Swiss'...

Glowstick.

He tenses.

"Uhh, why do you ask?" Swiss laughs nervously, "H-He's doing alright?"

"Hm."

Hm???

"How... how have you been doing since you left?"

"Good." Aether says, "Busy."

Satanas, this is fucking awkward.

"...Hey, Aeth?"

"Yeah?"

"Y-You know you can talk to me, right? Like, about anything..."

Aether leans back, sighing.

"...Why... Why did you decide to leave?" Swiss asks, "Like, besides he stuff with you and Dew. Don't get me wrong, that has me curious, but... It's not like you to just pick it up and go like that."

"If you're looking for some deep philosophical reason, Swiss, I hate to tell you this, but there isn't one." Aether says, motioning for the ghoul to pull his pants back up, "I wanted a fresh start. I had fun being here while it lasted, and, yeah, dating Dew was..."

A pause.

"It was something for sure, but I didn't go into dating Dew with much hope for a future together." he continues, "I tried to imagine it, but our ideals never seemed to line up, and, well, the only reason you date someone like him is to f-"

The crack of Swiss' palm across Aether's face comes as a shock to both of them.

Aether hadn't even finished his sentence, but his body had acted on impulse, and now...

"The fuck, Swiss?!"

The multi-ghoul steps back, hands at his sides.

"I just... Stop."

"Stop- Swiss what the Hell is wrong with you?!"

"No, what the Hell is wrong with you?!" Swiss shouts, jabbing his index finger into Aether's chest, "I don't know when you turned into such an asshole, but you cannot talk about Dew that way, man!"

"Oh-ho-ho? And who are you to defend him all of a sudden? His new fucking boyfriend?!"

This time, Swiss slaps him on purpose.

[skeleton-mischief]

Red Serrif

I actually used to hate Fell Sans because he sexually harassed women. Bro is canonically a woman respecter what happened actually?

Anyways, I decided to make him my little meow meow instead and he's thriving

To Note: Some of these are actually canon facts but I'm putting these here for more organization

- Official height 5'5, he has sneakers after all

- He/Him

- Nihilist

- Emotional constipation is this guys middle name do NOT expect him to give good advice

- Horrible at taking care of himself, his bedroom is yucky

- Drinks Mustard

- Extremely patient with his brother, despite acting otherwise

- He blames himself for his bad dynamic with his brother, he knows that Pitch is trying to mend it but the two just don't know how to go about it

- Older brother model with Rus

- Ha has little to no filter

- Assertive, pessimistic, cynical, overthinker, lazy, distrustful, blunt, playful, easily irritated, teasing, confrontational, laid back, intuitive, and reckless

- He had a weird relationship with Gaster, and he wishes that he was able to do more before he watched Gaster lose HOPE

- Prefers pranks and knock knock jokes over puns

- Will welcome a fight, though he tends to provoke them at times since he learned that being a smug asshole shows his cool guy persona

- He has outright thrown Burgerpants out of Grillby's before

- He is a dog person but doesn't admit it to Pitch

- He curses often, but he actively tries not to in front of Pitch

- He likes action films since it's fast paced and dramatic, but he secretly loves romance films sometimes and can get sucked in a telenovela

- He doesn't admit it, but he gets jumpscared by horror films and ends up feeling embarrassed

- He'll eat practically anything and compliment someone's garbage food, but you can tell he likes something when he takes his time

- He only likes Grillby's burgers, no one can perfectly get it right

- Wore mittens underground, but he doesn't use them much when he was thrown into another alternative timeline

- He uses his magic to light his cigarettes, flicking his thumb to do so since his magic involves flame like abilities

- His magic smells of burning wood, while his magic tastes of cherry

- He has ash and yellow tinted bone due to his smoking and overall environment undergroung

- I think he'd be allergic to cats, so he always knows when Doomfanger is around

- He feels like he can't protect Pitch anymore, especially since he remains distant with Pitch, he's the one to push the distance between the two

- He wears sneakers to annoy others, especially in Snowdin since they squeak

- He has a collar he got from Alphys, so he gave it to his pet rock. Instead of it being a "tame rock" he'll take it on walks and go "down! Down boy!" As if it growled. Frisk has probably heard it do so before but no one knows if it's sentient or not

- He sweats due to his heavy jacket & stress. Because of his stress, his eye glows constantly in one eyelight

- He always wears 5 rings and uses magic to prevent them from falling off, he's basically flexing that he can use his magic for dumb reasons

- Calls Pitch any variation of Boss. "Chief, Jefe, Boss, Honcho, Boss Man, etc"

- He tried Pitch's boots once and felt alive

- Pays Grillby in socks, even if it pisses him off. Grillby doesn't seem to mind though, since he can be seen wearing them

- He got a custom jacket from Grillby for making him laugh once. This is canon since it's proven to be a copy of what Grillby wears but I decided that it would be cool if it was customized by Pitch to give him an original style

- He sells chimichangas that his brother makes instead of hot dogs

- Likes fist bumps

- Would play electric guitar if given the chance

- Has beef with Error

- wore a grey jacket, mismatched socks, Crocs, and a nasty red shirt before he got yassified

- Opens his mouth with fire in genocide battle

- He struggles expressing himself, so he uses physical touch instead

- He would make a horrible first impression

- He would call Frisk "pipsqueak"

- An angry crier, he hyperventilates and can lash out at others. He doesn't like to do that though, so he often will hide away to cry

- Would call his lover "sweetheart"

- Plays the trumpet

- A woman respecter

- Has a red tricycle with small little red flames to look cooler than Vanilla's bike

- "His room would be messier with a bunch of socks,slippers, and sneakers (all mix matched) he’d probably have a pile of broken alarm clocks that papyrus gave him (smashed them all), a coat hanger that has one gray hoodie on it." I believe this is paraphrasing the canon creator Underfella

- His rings and gold chains act as collar/leash for his gaster blaster's during the betrayal route, I still think he'd use them even outside of this

- His red eye is reflective of his corrupted emotional state, so when he uses gravity/spacetime magic, his eye flickers yellow and orange.

- Likes green martinis [specifically honeydew martinis, an appletini, or a margarita.]

- Only calls Pitch Pap or Papyrus when it's serious or when he needs to get his attention

- Somehow has an employee discount at hot topic

- Is far from a morning person, you'll see him act like a corpse and drag a blanket around while his eyes are mostly closed. He stays up gaming though so you can't feel too bad for him

- He has a mug for coffee with just the giant words "CUM" on it

- He has reading glasses but they broke and he wants to look cool. As a result he squints his eyes a lot

- Has sleep paralysis often due to his anxiety and stress

- He shares his music tastes with others but won't let others know his favorite hobbies

- He has bitten people before. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules (I do)

- He's actively fled from his brother when it's time to clean or bathe. I know this mf smells god awful while underground. I think only above ground when he's no longer needing to put his focus on survival does he start to take care of his hygiene

- Has some cracks and scars on his bone, but no one sees it because he hides this

- His soul has a dullness to it and actively was cracked at some point. He's very protective of it and he won't show it until waaaaay later

- He can't take the heat if you flirt with him back, kinda getting a little goofy and being unable to take himself seriously- especially if you're smiling and laughing with him

- Games he likes to play are more free shooter games, sandbox games such as Minecraft, and in secret he has ACNH where he makes sure his island has style and a good aesthetic

- He would be the king of socks like Vanilla but he gives his socks to Grillby instead

Closing Notes: some of these are straight up from Underfella, so I recommend going over to their account to give this popular AU some fun! I don't expect the creator to ever see my stuff, but I wanted to stay at least devoted to their creation while throwing out my own interpretations and hc's! Thank you for reading

[miraclesabound]

All of This is Temporary

Summary: What should have been Mikey and Reader's special night goes sideways, and unfortunately, it never gets fixed.

Pairing: Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader, pre-relationship

Notes: This idea of Mikey and his friend getting thrown out of some VIP event came to me in a dream (and the music cue as well). A surprise cameo from one of my other favorite characters from a different show, because he showed up in the dream too. Also on AO3.

Warnings: Spoilers for The Bear, canon-typical language, classism, unrequited (?) love, addiction themes, tragic ending (mention of Mikey's suicide)

Tags: @pettyprocrastination, @cinewhore, @phoenixhalliwell, @nolita-fairytale

NOVEMBER 2021

The movie that Mikey won tickets for is at Doc Films , and given the place's history, you and Mikey are almost more dressed for an opera than a movie. He's done out in an old but clean tux, bow tie and cummerbund included - and you bought yourself a silver dress with matching clutch. You may not be a couple, but you take internal satisfaction in knowing how good you two look together right now.

The main thing that's important to you is that, at least from what you can tell, Mikey is fully sober this evening. You know you're not his keeper, but you feel some pride on his behalf - whatever he's strugging with, he's made the effort for you tonight, and that warms your heart.

However, that warmth sours in your stomach when you actually get to the theater. When you and Mikey walk in, it's clear that this is a much smaller event than you thought - and that you and Mikey are WILDLY overdressed. Of the maybe twenty total people there, the only other person dressed formally is a gruff-looking man whose hair is almost as dark as Mikey's is. In his case, he's wearing a strikingly modern all-black suit.

Mikey smiles when he sees the other man and gives him a hearty handshake. "Roy fuckin' Kent! What brings ya this way?"

Roy shrugs, but he accepts Mikey's handshake just the same. "Mikey Berzatto, ya old dog - just takin' some travel time - Coach Lasso fuckin' insisted... And who's this, then?"

Mikey introduces you, explaining that Roy had visited The Beef by accident a few years back during an exhibition tour in the States. "You better come in for a couple sandwiches tomorrow for lunch, ya hear me?" he tells Roy. "Won't take no for an answer!"

"Wouldn't miss it," Roy says. You and Mikey take your seats on Roy's other side.

A woman a few seats away chimes in with: "Oh, you two look so nice - is that your tux?" You don't care for the look of her - she comes across like someone trying to draw Mikey's sister Natalie from a mirror image only.

You want to believe that she's just being nice, but something about her tone is venomous, and Mikey must feel the same way. His response is icy. " 'Course it's mine, why wouldn't it be?"

"You're Michael Berzatto, right?"

"Yeah?"

"My cousins love your shop - I guess I'm just wondering why a sandwich shop owner would need to buy a tux instead of renting one; that's all."

If you didn't know better, you'd think she was trying to call you and Mikey tacky. Apparently Roy feels the same way, because he leans over towards her and says, "Oi, Pam, knock it off, yeah? Movie's startin'."

"Pam..." you think to yourself. "Why does that name sound familiar?" The lights turn off, and you smile to yourself when you hear a familiar musical sting playing for the movie intro.

"Don't call me by my name...all of this is temporary..."

You know this song very well, and you can't help but hum along. To your pleasant surprise, you swear that Roy is humming too. Who knew such a brash guy liked Halsey? Neither of you notice Mikey staring at you like you hung the moon and stars.

Suddenly the lights come up, and that woman who looks like Natalie's evil twin is standing in front of you, a sickening smile on her face. "Miss, you're going to have to leave," she tells you. "This is an exclusive event, and you're causing a disturbance."

Roy, God bless the man, speaks up for you - and thank goodness, because you feel like you're going to vaporize from embarrassment. "Pam, it's nothin', I was humming too."

"You're a VIP, Roy, and she isn't. It's my movie, and if I want her and her ridiculous disco ball of a dress out of here, that's my prerogative." Shit, you realize. This is Pam Stratford, the writer that Mikey enjoys so much. No wonder he was excited to get these tickets...

Mikey pulls you into his side - almost as if he expects Pam to take a swing at you. "Listen, I've always liked your work, but you don't get to talk to my g- - my friend like that - we got our tickets fair and square."

You can see that flash in Mikey's eyes that means either a bender or a fight is coming, and you don't want to see him arrested. Pam seems like the type to call the police in faster than they're needed. Pushing lightly against his chest, you say "Bear, it's ok, I'll just go..."

"Then I'm leavin' too," he says. "Roy, I'll catch ya tomorrow - Pam? You can go fuck yourself for bein' a snobby bitch." The silence is deafening as you two leave the theater, but the outraged look on Pam's face is almost worth it.

You shudder as you step out into the night air, even with Mikey holding you and blasting like a furnace. "It's cold - take me home?"

"Yeah, let's get you back before you freeze."

--

The train ride back to your neighborhood is quiet, and it's not until the two of you are walking up to your stoop that Mikey says, "Pam was wrong - you look gorgeous in that dress, and that's God's honest truth."

You smile at him. "You clean up pretty well yourself."

"Do we...wanna try this again some other time?" he asks, holding your purse for you as you dig out your keys. "Maybe not a movie, but some other excuse to dress up?"

"I'd like that, Bear," you agree. "Let's aim for after Christmas - I know how nutty things get for you during December."

"Then it's a date?" Mikey asks. He doesn't mean to put you on the spot, but if you don't feel the same way he does, he'd rather know now.

Your smile grows even wider. "It's a date - we'll nail down details after New Years." With a sudden burst of bravery, you hug him tight and kiss his cheek. "G'night, my bear."

--

Unfortunately, the holidays madness makes Mikey spiral in a bad way, and he never texts you back about the date. In fact, you don't realize as you turn to open your door that this will be the last time you see him alive.

[redpanther23]

GREETINGS FROM MEOWTER SPACE.

In my travels I've come to find that I have an extremely strange family background. I'm going to be talking about it in some essays, which may contain descriptions of abuse and neglect. Here's the first one (it's long as fuck.)

On my mom's side, my great great grandmother was Creek. She was alive when I was born, and we briefly met. She was over 125 years old (nobody knows how old exactly.) The men on that side, who were all Scottish, died in their early 40s, except for my grandfather, who left when my mom was a kid. (I met him once, but my mom didn't want me to be around anyone Christian as a kid, so I never met anyone else on that side of the family.) I barely know anything about my Scottish ancestry, although growing up we called the native grapes "bullises," which is a Gaelic word for plums (they're also called muscadines, but I don't know what the truth is anymore.)

My family were subsistance farmers since before colonization, until my grandma became a schoolteacher. Our family moved to what would later be the Free State of Jones from what would later be Alabama, though I'm not sure why. During the Civil War, people in Jones county refused to fight, since nobody owned slaves in the area, and it was declared a Free State. My grandma lives in the Free State, in abject poverty with my uncle and his wife, who just scream at each other and beat their kids and neglect their 15 hoarded dogs all day. And if they have a problem with me saying so, they can eat shit and die.

My mom went to school for anthropology, and taught geology at the University of Southern Mississippi. She was extremely ashamed of how poor our background is, and I wasn't allowed to visit family much, although I wanted to very badly. I got to live with my grandma and my two adopted uncles who are around my age for a little while when we were kids, and they're some of the only positive childhood memories I have. I was extremely isolated and abused, especially by my step dad, who is currently (to my knowledge) employed as a programmer at a major video game company, as well as being a child molester starting when I was 2 or 3 years old (some of my earliest memories.) His name is Rigel Cameron Freeman. I ran away when I was 16 to live with my dad. When I told my mom what he did, she called me a liar and quit speaking to me, and that was the last I heard from her directly. So far as I know, she's been in mental hospitals pretty much since I left.

My dad's mom, whose first name was Ellen, was Ashkenazi Jewish, descended from a family who left Germany before the holocaust. She was a beatnik who was friends with Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsburg, and she had personal beef with Grace Slick over a boyfriend. My dad's first guitar was a gift from Cat Stevens, although this was something he was a little embarrassed about and only mentioned to me once. She was especially close friends with Tiny Tim. She was in California trying to break into acting, and almost got a part in the Godfather allegedly (actually all of this is alleged by my dad, I only met her once. He really didn't like her, so I don't think he would make it up.)

Then she met my grandfather, Bob Marshall, who was probably in California to do drugs (sacred family tradition.) I have reason to believe he was mostly Choctaw and possibly Irish, although on that side of the family it's traditional to claim to be "French or Italian" unless you're very drunk, and then it's okay to be Indian. They moved up to Alaska and lived on the Athabaskan reservation, where my father, Rogan Russell Marshall, was born on April 19. Later, my grandfather became a civil rights lawyer, and he defended the right for prisoners with AIDS to be desegregated (basically anyone with AIDS would die in solitary before that.)

My dad got into Emerson, dropped out because no one could afford textbooks, moved to Mississippi and started this crazy punk band, and then went ahead and wrote some movies anyway. My favorite is called the Attic Expeditions, it features Seth Green, Jeffery Combs, and Alice Cooper, and it's very trippy and fun. Unfortunately, he became disabled from the same autoimmune condition I have, ankylosing spondylitis, which, if you're born male, has much more severe symptoms (which is why I chose not to start testosterone.) AS used to be thought of as genetic, but has recently been linked to environmental pollutants, and I was likely exposed to something released by one of our many chemical factories (my uncle who abuses his kids and dogs is adopted, I mentioned earlier, grew up in my grandma's house when we were kids together, and has the same symptoms, and multiple people who lived on the same Hattiesburg street as my dad in the 90s were diagnosed.) He was living in Massachussetts in his mom's basement when he married my step mom, a public defense attourney, to get health insurance, and they lived in Miami for eight years together until she left him, shortly after I moved in.

After that, I had to drop out of high school, and I lived in hell for about seven years while I worked full time, usually multiple jobs, to take care of us, and all the cats he would bring home (as many as 13, but I ran my house like a cat ranch and it was kind of beautiful.) His physical and mental health was dogshit, he wouldn't stop doing hard drugs, and our relationship was so hopelessly abusive that I had to quit speaking to him as well. My feelings are complicated because, while I love and admire his work, and he taught me a lot of extremely valuable and positive things, the things he did to me would put him in prison if I believed in the law. I owe him everything, and at the same time, I almost wish we'd never met (I'll have to talk about that in another post as well, because it's a lot, and exremely heavy.)

My third parent, Scott Panther, I honestly don't know very well. According to local legend, and there are many about him, he's Scottish and Cherokee. He was close friends with my parents before I was born, helped start Rong (and probably came up with the best ideas for it.) He was my mom's boyfriend for a long time before I was born.

My mom met Scott and Rogan at a Rong show, I was conceived after a Rong show (Scott drove Rogan to her house), and the night I was born there was a Rong show. Scott was overdosing when my mom went into labor, and I was born at 4 AM while multiple tornadoes passed through town. Later that night, he was ready to play the show (hats off). No one told Rogan I was born, though in the full video of the show he mentions the other people in town who were born on April 18. Unfortunately, the video is probably lost - he gave all the Rong tapes to someone I don't know, and he didn't say who (he may have even been lying and threw them away.)

I inherited a lot of personality traits from Scott, as many people who know us have noticed, although I gained them not through direct teaching, or through any modern understanding of genetics. I've read that before colonization these kind of things were more common and better understood.

[barbatosgossipsection]

There's a semi-popular/notorious fanartist on another platform. I LOVED their art of Simeon. One of the best fanartists I've ever seen draw him. Literally when all is good, they depict Simeon perfectly.

But that unfortunately rarely happens because they are SOOOO self-righteous that it cancels out any and all joy I could get from seeing their Simeon art. It's an OM fanblog in name alone. The stuff that they REALLY get up to on that blog is genuinely so concerning.

Now, they're a "good person" as in they have solid morals that they "live by"... but they remind me of the sort of mentality that brought about the Salem witch trials--

A "good person" thinking they need to publicly vindicate someone that's apparently suspect, or else they're not actually a good person. They might end up burning at the stake next if they're not careful! 🔥🔥🔥 Them and their "friends" got anxious mob mentality fr fr.

Monthly, they'd call someone out with the "proof" that their "friend" got them and it's just the most vague screenshot(s) of a non-english speaker saying something in broken english and they're vaguely PO'd about some beef they have with someone. It would never count as decisive proof in any court of law, but that's all this person and co. needs to spin some sort of insanely twisted narrative!

Truly, if you follow their blog, you're there watching a reinactment of the Salem witch trials, some poor soul and their "friends" desperately trying to convince themselves that they're in the right about everything they're doing wrong.

I also tried to believe that their hearts were in the right place, just poorly POORLY executed. But I finally decided to block them when I I saw someone get dog piled by the "friends" for commenting some criticism EVEN THOUGH THE OP ASKED FOR THE CRITICISM! The person wasn't even rude about it, too. The literal projecting I saw them do there was the last straw of my patience. That blog is just too much of cesspool.

Why did the best Simeon fanartist I've ever seen have to turn out like that? 😩😩😩

Thanks for the vent space. Sorry it's kinda long. I hope that cult circle breaks up and gets all the therapy they need.

— Anon

[alicepao13]

S06E10

For a golf episode, okay. For a filler, also okay. Not that much going on.

Let's get one thing out of the way first:

Episode title says caddy. They liked that pun, I guess. As the grammar website I checked explains it further, it's not considered a huge error.

CityTV has such a nerve to put their logo in there after all their scheduling changes and general lack of interest for this show (I have no beef with that interview man, I forgot his name, but his interview with Diesel and John Reardon before the season premiere was actually fun).

I absolutely had no idea that women's golf was so lucrative.

"All I heard is sandwich" Thank god for Sarah. I only like Sarah from now on. Not even Rex, he seems too into golf, although there are too many balls involved for a dog to stay indifferent.

Joe joined the golf club when Camilla was born? Didn't he, like, adopt her after he married her mother? Or is my recollection false?

Charlie had worked as a caddie. Well, certainly some backstory there. And of course he's like, the best of them at it even if he doesn't want to join the club.

Seriously, we can't take them anywhere. Especially Rex, whose nose doesn't take a single day off. Boom, one more day off ruined.

I tuned out in every single golf talk, which is unfortunate because it was mixed with the plot (still found the culprit as soon as they appeared on screen). It's just really hard to follow when I don't care about it at all. Since I like almost all sports, I consider those I don't like as non-sports. Mainly golf and formula car racing.

They cut the chase scene? What?

That scene where Charlie drives a golf cart and Rex runs alongside him does not deserve a cool music lmao

Charlie playing golf as he's interviewing a (at the time) person of interest. I can't decide if this is unprofessional or I just don't like golf.

Ah, please someone tell me how many shots they did for that uninterrupted shot of Charlie's short putt that went pretty close to the hole. I know that the guys actually golf in real life but this had to be close but also not go in the hole for Rex to grab it.

Amazon! How the hell can you put an ad about fast delivery in this show, when you consistently fail to deliver the actual show on time in your streaming service? Am I the only one seeing the irony here? Last season it was too early, this season too late.

Also, Jesse, don't you dare wear that. Charlie's orange jumpsuit was actually a better shade of orange than this one.

Okay, maybe there were a bunch of chase scenes in this episode so they felt they could lose one. Acceptable.

Poor Rex's head. I'd have liked more of Charlie's worry please, although it seems like we might get this in a future episode.

This might be the first time we see Rex's teeth as Charlie checks for god knows what. Come on, show, let Rex bare his teeth just once while growling at a bad guy!

*gasps* Skeletal remains! On a family show!

They shouldn't have spoiled Jesse's shirt in the end scene on their promotional pictures. Not that it's such a big thing, but they should actually stop uploading promotional pictures from the final scenes altogether, or post them after the show has aired.

I liked the teamwork in this one. I believe the golf episode had been brewing since S2, where they had to scrap the idea due to a heavy snowfall, which turned the golf field into a ski slope. There is no avoiding golf, apparently!

Promo: What the actual fuck. Charlie and Rex combined whump? Charlie thrown out of a moving truck? Rex missing? Charlie having temporary amnesia? Hospital? Is it my birthday? (Well, it's actually pretty close to my name day instead.) Please squeeze a scene in there with a worried Sarah, and I take back every single bad thing I said about this season (the show only, I don't take back anything about CityTV). Yes, even the whales.

Of course this would be the episode that they'd take a break on. Oh, well. After that terrible hiatus, I can stand to wait a few days. A day had passed already as I was looking for the episode (turns out that they knew what they were doing lol).