#my elbow hurts XD

[basketcasebetty]

Stippling on 86 lb paper with Sharpie marker

1941

[tacitusauxilium]

So, this hot day today threw me for a whirl. I fell on my hands, knees, and scraped my elbow. Hahahaha

Probably won’t be on tonight and gonna hope I feel better by tomorrow.

[dragonofeternal]

Spent the last few days bitching about how much my toe hurt. Finally decided to do the stretches they recommended for capsulitis of the second toe, the only fucking thing that happens to second toes, APPARENTLY, and uh

It worked.

Like three minutes of stretching and the shooting pain that had been fucking me up for days is gone. This is a good thing, but also I now feel fucking stupid for not fixing it sooner.

[just-another-t-word-blog]

Real Laugh

A Hazbin Hotel fanfiction

Okay so, I saw this fanart done by @kalico-of-doom while scrolling around the other day and I ABSOLUTELY HAD TO WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT IT. Otherwise the nonsense deep in my bones will consume me.

As always on my blog, serving up fresh hot garbage semi regularly, ⚠️⚠️ this is in fact a tickle fic. Don’t like, don’t read. Thank you.

Summary: Alastor thinks he’s funny, Angel thinks he should give him something to laugh about.

Self satisfied laughter rang through the sitting room in the hotel foyer. Alastor nudged Angel with his elbow, trying (unsuccessfully) to get him to join in. He’d been rattling off puns for the better part of 20 minutes now, causing most of the hotel residents to vacate the contaminated area. Angel, however, was trapped.

Not physically trapped, mind you, but he didn’t want to leave the powerful demon alone, fearing he may get upset. A happy Alastor was a safe Alastor, and Angel was not about to open that can of worms.

“Oh! I have another one,” Alastor said, smiling widely. “If you don’t mind the crassness, of course. What is the difference between an unclean bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants?” Angel sighed, but engaged, resting his chin in his palm and looking at his companion. “I don’t know, what?”

“One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean!” The red head broke into another fit of laughter, sounding as if he was faking it for a radio audience. This joke at least earned a smile from Angel, albeit a reluctant one. Alastor trailed off, turning to face the porn star more fully. “Oh, come now, why so serious?” Angel shook his head, offering a more exaggerated smile. “Hey, I did laugh at that one.”

“You smiled, my dear arachnid. I’d say that’s hardly laughter.” Angel scoffed, dropping the grin. “Maybe if you were actually funny, I’d laugh.” Alastor raised an eyebrow. “I am funny.”

This earned a genuine laugh from Angel. “Considering that’s the funniest thing you’ve said all day, I disagree.” He said, crossing his top set of arms. “Well, I disagree as well.” Alastor said, crossing his legs. “I’ve been laughing this entire time, so I’d say I’m pretty funny.”

“Funny looking, maybe.” Angel retorted, mocking his signature grin. “Besides, all I’ve been hearing is your fakey laugh.”

Alastor turned again. “Fakey?” He placed a hand on his chest, as if wounded. “That is simply untrue and hurtful, Angel. My laugh is genuine.”

“There is no way in any circle of hell that you actually laugh like that.”

Alastor gave a half hearted chuckle at that. Angel pointed. “See? No one fucking laughs like that. You sound like you’re reading off of a queue card!” Alastors smile faltered, going a little crooked. The two sat in silence for a moment, stewing.

“How’s about this one?” Alastor chimed. “What do you call a cow with two legs?” Angel gave him a flat look. “Lean beef!” Just as Alastor finished, Angel lunged, tackling the radio demon to the floor. They struggled, Alastor letting out a surprised yelp as the younger demon grappled for dominance. Having a weight disadvantage, Angel attempted to straddle his waist, only managing a half perch with one leg trapped under him, fighting Alastors wild bucking. He leaned forward, grabbing his upper arms from the underside and pushing them up, pressing his body weight into the hold. Alastors ears bristled, antlers threatening to grow and spike. “Enough with the bad jokes. What do you say we see what your real laugh sounds like?” A confused look crossed Alastors eyes.

With another set of arms, Angel dug clawed fingers into his ribs. Alastor gasped, holding the breath. He looked up at Angel, signature grin wobbling, squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head to the side. Then, Angel lightened his touch.

The dam broke.

A stream of high pitched giggles erupted from the radio demon. Unrestrained, uncontrolled.

But most shockingly, happy.

Angel felt his face tinge red, a fond smile forming. He carefully scribbled his nails up and down Alastors rib cage, following his squirming. “Now that is a real laugh.” He cooed. He shifted his hands downwards, focusing on the skin where Alastors ribs turned into his sides. The older demon squealed before falling into more frantic laughter. His one free leg flailed about, the heel of his shoe scraping against the floor. “Woah there,” Angel teased, picking up the pace on his scratching. “You’ll wear a hole in the carpet! Niftys going to have a fit.” Alastor worked up the gall to look him in the eye.

“Fuck you!”

Unfortunately, the giggles took all the venom from his voice. Angel laughed. “I don’t know what your deal is, but you don’t need to swear at me! It’s not like you’ve asked me to stop!” A deep red blush painted Alastors face, eyes going wide for a split second before melting into another round of laughter. He finally spoke. “No! No, please-“ his pleading cut off with a yelp, Angel having gave his sides an experimental squeeze. “Ah-ha!” Angel exclaimed. “Another spot, jeez you’re just sensitive everywhere, aren’t you?” Alastor stuttered, trying to get out that he absolutely was not. To be fair, English is hard, and it’s substantially harder when most of your breath is being used for other things.

Angel paused his ministrations and grinned, catching Alastors eye. He brought out his third set of arms.

Shit.

Alastor began to plead again, shaking his head frantically. He was unable to keep the mirth from his voice. “No! Please, no more! I’m sorry, okay? I’ll stop with the puns!” His eyes never left that extra set, watching the wiggling claws hovering over him. “Aww, the big bad radio demon is begging now?” Angels voice dripped with playful sarcasm. Suddenly, he lunged all four free hands down.

Alastor shrieked.

And nothing happened. Alastor peered up at Angel, confused. The porn star had broken into his own stream of cackling, hunched over with his hands hovering inches away from Alastors skin. “I didn’t even touch you! What in the hells was that noise?!” Alastor made an incredulous face, for once his signature grin absent. “That sound was absolutely adorable.” Angel said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Do it again?” He lunged again, this time making contact. One set of hands scribbling up and down his ribs and sides while the others dug into his tummy. Alastor shrieked again (much to his dismay), falling into loud belly laughter. He threw his head back, unable to control himself through the onslaught. He yanked on his restrained arms, kicked with his free leg, and tossed his head side to side. He finally had enough.

Two black tendrils appeared behind his tormenter, wrapping around his middle and dragging him backwards off of Alastor. Angel screamed in surprise, flailing at the sudden jolt. Alastors tendrils held Angel there on the floor while he caught his breath, slowly sitting up. He smoothed his hair with his hands, taking a few deep breaths before putting on his sinister smile. “That was fun and all,” he said, standing to make his way towards Angel, “but I think it’s time to give you a taste of your own medicine.”

————

Charlie watched with teary eyes and a soft smile as her friends played. Hidden just around the corner, she had stopped to make sure no one was getting hurt. She had heard Alastor screaming and came running, finding a much more welcome sight.

Knowing neither of them were used to positive touch, she let them horse around. It might be good for them, after all.

Maybe she should find a way to work this into a lesson plan.

[gomzwrites]

Its 7am atm but my brain won’t shut up about this idea I have

Just thinking about their reactions to reader struggling with clothes - too tight or too loose

Not proofread, apologies for the errors

Tags: xgn!reader, suggestive tones(18+ mdni), I suppose this is also like pervy!cod members in some sense xD, mentioned of injury, possessive, musk kink(?), markings, tattoo

John Price

Everyone was given a new pair of military gears and outfits today, you had placed and wrote down the size you wanted previously

And yet still somehow they messed it up and your pants came in smaller than your regular size

You decided to try it on anyways because you can’t do much

That was a mistake

You pulled the pants, trying and skipping around as it gets caught around your ass, you gave another few more try before ultimately giving up, realizing that you might tore the fabric in the process

And so you push it back down, only to realize it wont budge

Great

You lay down on the floor, hands splayed on the floor as you let out a loud defeated sigh

“You alright there?” Price came by as he heard your voice, halting as he sees you on the floor

“I give up” you say as you craned your neck to look at him and pointed your pants

“Cant fit and cant remove it” you said before frowning and gestured your pants

He laughs slightly before kneeling before you

“Let me help”

He said as he gives those pants a tug, and it doesnt budge

He grumbles slightly as he lower down the zipper slightly, thank god you had a black tight pants on(like those swimmer type idk the type wheeze but just know you’re not in undies)

He tries again but it didnt move, so he held your knees up slightly, “close your legs” he said before shifting slightly

With a harder grip, he yanks the pants and this time it finally moved, but you also moved along side with it due to his strength, slapping his knee-thigh area with your ass

You blush slightly as you propped yourself up with your elbow, but Price didn’t say anything as he gives another tug

He continues doing that and each time your skin would come in contact with him, making a small slap sound every time, you can’t help but felt like you’re in quite a suggestive situation, and the grunts and curses he lets out only made things worse

Bit by bit he managed to pull it out until your knees, where you wiggle the rest of it out without much struggle

There were a few red marks on your thighs by the time the pants was removed, he traced one of it with his thumb and whispered

“Does it hurt?”

It took you a second to register his question before you shake your head, he gives a nod as his fingers lingered for awhile, before clearing his throat as he leaves, you missed the warmth of his fingers

“I’ll get you a new pair” “okay”

You slapped your cheeks after he left to hopefully set your mind straight, get a grip, he’s your captain ffs! you thought to yourself

Little did you know, Price was fighting his own struggles as he watch your thighs jiggle with every tug, and your skin was so soft and the way you stared up at him with those eyes of yours made him go crazy inside

He knows he shouldn’t be having these thoughts, but man oh man

How would it feel like having them littered with bite marks and hickies? How would it feel like if he were to use those squishy thigh to slide his hard-

He prayed you didn’t catch on his thoughts when he stood up, an bulge forming in his pants

Kyle Gaz Garrick

You queued up at a clothing shop, excited to try on one of those compression shirt that you’ve been wanting to get since you seen them online, and it just so happened that this specific black one is on sale

But you know how it is with items that are on sale, they often come in sizes that are either too big or too small

In your case, too small

You tried it on regardless, wedging it through your head with a few grunts

Eventually you got it on, and you looked good, the shirt clearly hugging onto your figure and showing off your features

But you can barely breathe

“Sweetheart ye done?” Your boyfriend Kyle asked as he knocks your door gently

You adjusted yourself better and held your breath as you open the door and grin

His eyes widen as he takes in your form, hands already on you as he praises and smirk back at you

“Holy damn- look at you, my sexy thing~”

He gave you a lil turn until he realized your breath were strained, and you were using your neck muscles more, not to mention each breath you took was shorter and more frequent

He instantly pulled the shirt around your chest a little, then frowning as he stared back at you with nothing but concerns in his eyes

“Hey its too tight isnt it?” He whispered softly as he rest his warm hands on your waist

“Yeah but, I look good though”

“Nuh uh, that doesn’t matter if you can’t breathe baby”

“But its on sale!”

“We can go other outlet to check it”

“Thats so much trouble though”

“Its not I promise, lets get these out okay?”

He gave a kiss on your head as he slowly raised em up, until it was around your chest

“Jesus…” he mutters in a whisper as he takes a look at you through the mirror, the shirt did looked hella good on you, but seeing your skin exposed like this? Mmm that’s a better view

You watched as he slowly kneel down and trace his lips around your hips, you squirmed slightly as you nudge his head

“K-kyle, we cant-“

“Shh”

He shushed before kissing on your skin, nibbling it as he left them everywhere, then giving a hard suck just above your V line all of the sudden as you let out a choked sob

He lets go and lick his lips as he looks up at you with a devilish grin

“I’ll wait outside, yeah?”

He whispered when he stood up and left the changing room, you contemplated if you seriously needed that compression shirt as you look at the mark he left you, god does he knows just how to rile you up

Simon Ghost Riley

You hissed out with a suppressed groan as you lay against the couch with a bandage over your abdomen, without painkillers the dull aching pain was getting to you

You had a stab wound at the very last moment during the mission and Ghost had to settled it hastily with the med kit, bringing you to a safe house nearby

You didnt even realize you had goosebumps all over your arm as you shiver slightly, your shirt was torn in the process and some of it were used as a makeshift tourniquet to cut off the blood supply, now only having a pillow covering your chest

“Here”

You heard a gruff voice behind you as something was tossed over your head, you quickly picked it up and realize it was one of his spare t shirt

You complied and wore it, realizing it was HUGE, the hem of the shirt extended until your thighs and the sleeves were covering until your forearm

You let out a hum of amusement as you whispered back a small “thanks” as you slide back to the couch

It smelled like him, and its warm and rather cozy, and that gave you a some comfort

You closed your eyes as you pulled up the shirt slightly so that the neckline was covering your nose, inhaling it and breathing slowly until eventually you dozed off

It will take a few hours before help can arrive anyways

Ghost had been watching from the side, and seeing how his clothe draped over your form has definitely awaken something in him

He slowly, and quietly kneel down beside you, careful not to stir you awake as he observes and look at you closely

God, he’d never realize how good you looked in something that was his

He wonders how you would look like with nothing but his big t shirt

It felt like he was marking you in some ways, showing off(albeit theres no one else) to everyone that you’re his(even though you’re not……yet)

What really made him clenched his jaw was how you were inhaling his smell, did you liked his scent that much? Mmm if only…

If only he could take you and cover you in his musk, rubbing it off on yours, letting everyone knows just who claimed you

John Soap MacTavish

You were training with him today to improve your hand-to-hand combat skills

One thing about Soap is that he will never go easy on you

So he would flip you, get you into a headlock, knocked you over with every chance he get

“Come on, yer need to faster rookie”

You huff and glare back at him as you take your stance, muscles already aching as you tug your pants

You regretted wearing this one

For some reason, you couldn’t find any regular pants you wear and so you dug out this old pants, but it was much bigger and it was falling every few seconds

You would’ve worn a belt, you should’ve worn a belt but you were rushing and didn’t thought about it

As you get distracted, Soap lunged on you as you barely avoided his fist, but he was fast as he gave a kick on your feet, tumbling you down for probably the 20th time on this session as you yelped

He grin and lets out a victorious laugh as he looked down on you, then stops as he notice just a small part of your undies revealing, along with a tattoo that was around your back, oh

You were on the ground, with your face towards the floor and ass towards him as you groan, panting out a few breaths as you try to lift yourself up slowly

“Giving up already?” He tuts as he comes closer and squat down, taking a better look at your backside with half-lidded eyes

He never knew you had tattoo, and it’s one of those tramp stamp nonetheless, which was really hot in his opinion. You had a small symmetrical wings with some thorns beside it as a design

But what really caught his attention was the hem of your undies, black, nothing crazy but still, it clearly distracts him enough that he didnt realize you were watching him stare at you

“Enjoying the view, Sarge?”

You wiggle your ass as he snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat, looking away with a blush.

“Ah-sorry, didnt mean to stare”

“You can stare”

He looked back at you with a frown as you flash him a grin, arching your back slightly as you wiggle your ass again

“Yer gonna be the death of me” he said with a laugh as he slaps your ass slightly, making you yelp as you giggled and tries to sit up, only to be yanked by your leg as he spins you around

Your legs were now beside his waist as he pulls you close, grinding on you as you blush

“Lets get on with a few private lessons…yeah?”

a/n: im updating Gaz's color with pink instead of yellow bcuz my friend mentioned it was hard to see if someone uses light mode tumblr :]

[skyward-floored]

I’ve got a big mess of thoughts so here we go, analysis time!

First of all may I just say I love the siblings vibes in this entire update?? Wild is so happy Twilight is alive, his little brother energy is positively off the CHARTS here, and their bickering (while Legend looks on awkwardly) is hilarious. Peak sibling behavior.

Moving on!

I find it interesting Legend is grabbing his own scar here (you can just baaaarely see it) after it shows Twilight’s arm injuries. “I would have been done for,” huh? What do you mean by that Legend? How did you get that scar..?

The font change here has me cackling, Wild does NOT believe him a bit. It’s so funny.

“Uh-huh,

Friend”

Another thing to mention though, I’ve seen a lot of people agreeing with Wild on the whole “there’s no way she was just a friend” thing, but Twilight’s relationship with Midna is complicated y’all. It’s not just a broken romance. Twilight is probably hesitant to put a label on it, and Wild is pushing him a bit. Plus he was just thinking of Midna the night before... no wonder he’s cranky.

(I’ll also remind you that lu sticks very much with game canon and NOT manga, so don’t expect anything in the tp manga to be true in the comic y’know)

Warriors, putting on a happy face as he gears himself up to stop what he thinks is yet another fight: is somebody being cranky-wanky

(Also looking pretty fine there Wars 👀)

Makes me wonder what everybody else is doing... arguing? XD (also the little elbow cuff! They’re brothers your honor (Legend does not appreciate this))

This is one of my new favorite panels. Warriors being so stern and still annoyed at the sword thing (give it a rest buddy...) in comparison to Legend slapping his knee and making a truly ridiculous face as he laughs at Wild’s joke, it’s fantastic. I love it.

(Sorry this is basically about Warriors now)

I mentioned this in some tags, but I really like how Warriors calls Ilia by name. He doesn’t just say “your family” or “your girl”, he calls her Ilia, and I think that’s really sweet. It shows he’s been paying attention. (Also Legend’s little nod <3)

THEY’RE SO HAPPY TO HEAR HIM LAUGH look at them smile ooogghgh (And Twilight talking about Ilia! He talks about her a lot like how Time talks about Malon :)

And finally....

He’s laughing even though it hurts. The others, (Warriors especially) cheered him up, even after Twilight admitted himself he was grumpy, and I love that. He’s laughing even though it hurts. Man.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

I Don’t Get It

Bam gets a proposal to do a photoshoot for a certain magazine with his girlfriend, Y/N, and she couldn’t be happier!

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Fluff)

2.2k Words

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, injuries, nudity, bimbo Y/N, crude language, kissing, lingerie, jealousy

An: Happy Valentine’s Day! This is the first non request fic from me in a while! XD While doing research for the Bam wedding fic, I got to rewatching Unholy Union, so this fic was inspired by the Playboy photoshoot Missy was in in episode 4! This moodboard by @princessthatcantfuckingsleep also reminds me a lot of Y/N in this one lol XD If you want an idea of how far ahead I write these fics, this was also inspired by the fact that I got an official Bam skate deck for Christmas!! So cool! Anyways, thank you for all of the requests and please keep sending them in!!

Getting calls from the hospital at midnight about Bam was a part of your routine but that didn’t stop you from rushing over every time to make sure your boyfriend was okay. You’d sit in the waiting room, anxiously filing your nails or fixing your lipstick in the mirror of your blush compact before a nurse called you up- you were in there so frequently for him that they knew you by name. A couple night shift nurses in their blue scrubs and ugly rubber hose-off clogs would shoot you dirty looks, but the notion that it was inappropriate to have your tits out in a hospital never really seemed to bother you.

She showed you to a room and you tottered in on your stilettos, your eyes going wide as you flicked the light on, “Oh my god- Bam!” There was your boyfriend, laying back on a gurney in a paper gown with his arm in a sling, a sight you had seen many times before. Hurrying over to his side, you sat on top of the sheets and threw your legs across his thighs. The pained grimace that Bam was wearing from his broken elbow was replaced with a grin as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to your chest, “I was so worried about you! What happened?”

“Mmm…m’feel like shit, babe.” Bam murmured from your cleavage, his voice hoarse as he looked up at you with bags under his eyes, “Fell off the skate ramp’n busted my ass. ” You reached up, cupping his face in your palm and smoothing a shiny, bubble gum pink polished thumb over his cheek as machines in adjacent room beeped softly. At least he didn’t hurt that cute little face of his, you thought, but your heart still ached. Pouting, you cooed, “You have got to be more careful! I swear, next time you break that elbow, it’s gonna turn to dust!” Bam snaked a free arm around your waist, pulling you closer as he shot a glance back at the judgy nurses and mouthing something to them about taking a picture because it would last longer.

“You should really be more careful on your roller skates if you keep getting hurt like this!” Turning back to you at the sound of your voice, Bam paused for a second and blinked in disbelief, “I don’t roller skate, Y/N. I’m a pro skater.” You nodded, smiling as you gave him a peck on the cheek, “Yeah, that’s what I said!” You had been dating for well over a year and you still hadn’t gotten that down. Still, Bam couldn’t be mad at you- you were just too cute to annoy him.

Reaching up to run a hand through his black curls, you sighed “Anyways, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” Bam thought for a second but dismissed the first idea he had though he knew you’d be more than eager for it. He groaned dramatically, wincing, “You know, I’d kill a man for some McDonald’s right now.” Nodding over to the untouched tray of hospital food on the bedside table, he chuckled a bit at your look of shock, “Are they really feeding you that?” You gawked at the gray, unseasoned slop on the tray in horror. If you didn’t know any better, you would swear those doctors were trying to poison him! Pulling him close again, you sighed, “Oh, you poor thing…” Bam knew that he, a grown man, would be perfectly fine without you treating him like a baby bird with a broken wing, but he couldn’t deny that it felt pretty damn good. Sitting up, his lips met yours in a sloppy and gross PDA kiss. This was how you showed your love to each other, much to the annoyance of everyone around you. Some couples go to art museums together or see plays- you and Bam just ate each other's faces.

If there was one thing that could make Bam feel better, it was his girl, so he decided that as soon as he got out of the hospital, he would take you to the mall as payback for your hard work at getting him back to health. The whole time you were right by his side, compassionately listening to him whine about how he wouldn’t be able to skate for at least a month and bringing him your “homemade” baked goods to lift his spirits. Bam couldn’t ask for a better girl, even if you did forget to take the chocolate chip muffins you “baked” for him out of the plastic package you bought them in before you visited him.

☆彡

The two of you were quite the odd couple- here you have this cool rockstar bad boy with this bubbly little thing hanging on his arm. It could have been the navy blue sling around Bam’s arm (the one that wasn’t glued to your lower back, handy for when guys would ogle you) or how your skirt barely covered up the last inch of your ass, but it was most likely the smattering of blotchy, wine colored hickeys on your neck and chest that caused people to stare at you. Your boyfriend was a jealous man, and even though he thought guys who got all pissy when their girlfriends showed a little skin were idiots, he still liked to show people who you belonged to. Plus, you didn’t care that you rarely left the house without them because you didn’t mind getting them.

Sitting on the shiny metal bench at some shoe store with tissue filled boxes crowded around you, you examined one of the many pairs of heels Bam picked out for you. You originally had your eye on a pair of bright blue see-through kitten heels you saw in the window, but as things tend to go, you got a bit carried away. The pair you held, feeling the sticky black patent leather of the seven inch heel, came out of a box with the word ‘Pleaser’ written on the side in curly cursive. They were stunning, but you had some concerns, even while you stared at them with stars in your eyes, “Oh, Bam, I'm not sure if I’d be able to walk in these…” He shook his head at your hesitancy, grinning, “Don’t worry about it. You like ‘em?” With a bit of hesitancy, you nodded, and he wordlessly took them from you, putting them back in the box, “Then we’re getting them.” You giggled, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

Usually Bam was pretty sensible with the stuff he picked out for you, but there was something odd about him today. Normally, your wardrobe was all pink pink pink, but the low rise leather mini skirts and vampy purple lingerie sets from Spencer’s (among other things) that your boyfriend paid for struck you as strange. As you sat down at one of those mall coffee shops together, you decided to finally ask the question, holding back giggles, “So, what’s all this for?” Bam looked down at the mountain of bags piled at your feet nonchalantly, then shrugged at you with a grin, “What? I’m not allowed to splurge on m’girl once in a while?” This was really exceeding good boyfriend behavior. You took a sip of your white mocha blendy coffee drink, “I mean, like- yeah, but this is just so much! There’s gotta be some reason you’re doing all this.”

He leaned back in his seat, looking left, then right, before leaning in and dropping his voice like he was about to tell you a secret, “Well, I got contacted by this magazine to be a guest photographer for a photoshoot, and they want you t’be in it.” God, your face just lit up. You were going to be in a magazine- an actual, real life magazine! You couldn’t believe it! Your eyes widened as you splayed your shiny acrylics on the table in disbelief, “Wait, really? Like, really really?” He nodded, smirking all cool at how giddy you got. In your excitement, you leaned across the table and accidentally grabbed his sling arm. Bam gasped in pain and you jumped back, clutching your hands over your mouth, your eyes going wide as some people turned to look at the spectacle you were putting on, “Oh my god- I’m so sorry!” But you quickly forgot about it and went back to your previous excitement while he was still recovering, “But what is it? What magazine? Vogue? Cosmo?” Your boyfriend chuckled at your eagerness, still clutching his arm as you looked up at him with those big ole eyes before clearing his throat and speaking low, “Well, it’s Playboy.”

☆彡

Ecstatic didn’t even begin to describe how excited you were. All morning before the people from Playboy showed up, you were gushing to Bam about it, following him on his heels like a puppy and prattling on about how excited you were, “I’m gonna be just like those cute girls in the bunny outfits! This is gonna be so much fun- Oh! We could even use some of the lingerie I already have! Wouldn’t that be cute?” Your boyfriend thought back to the frills, hot pink, and cheetah print that filled your underwear drawer- a far cry from the gothic-medieval idea they pitched to him. He smiled, shaking his head, “I had no idea you’d be so down for this…” Most girls generally wouldn’t be, but of course you were- this was the opportunity of a lifetime!

An hour later, the crew was there and you were all done up and dressed, complete with these black leather thigh high boots that took twenty minutes to lace up. Different from how you normally dressed, but definitely not bad. When you were ready, you went outside in one of those fuzzy robes to the set Bam rigged up- this big thing with a fire and knights with swords, very Medieval times. He was fiddling with the camera lense when you came giddily prancing over to him, “Hi, Bam!” Your boyfriend glanced up at you, looking you up and down, “Can I see what’s under that?” Nodding, you slinked the robe off your shoulders. He blinked a few times as he stared at you, shamelessly eyeing you with his jaw nearly in the ground. That tiny corset top did wonders for your boobs, and the rest of the outfit didn’t leave much to the imagination either. After a moment he shook himself out of his trance, looking back up to you, “Alright, let’s get shooting!”

You took photos outside until it got too cold, which frankly wasn't that long considering whoever organized the thing had the bright idea to shoot outside in the dead of November. Heading inside after you, Bam brushed off the dirt he acquired on his pants from having to lay army crawl style to take the photos, “You wanna get a few more?” He cracked a smile, “Maybe with a little less clothing?” Sitting down on the couch in the living room, you smiled coyly and rubbed your arms to warm yourself up as the rest of the crew filtered in, “Oh? Like how much less?” Bam shrugged nonchalantly, adjusting the camera lense as he set up, “I dunno. Naked ‘d be nice.”

“No way!”

☆彡

The two of you came to a compromise- you got to keep your underwear on while you held a hot pink skate deck you found lying around in front of your chest. A great idea on your part- you literally had Bam’s name shamelessly plastered across your tits. “Hey, Y/N? This isn’t Hustler. Can you, uh- little bit higher? Yeah, that’s it.“ Glancing down, you could hear him snicker when you realized you were accidentally exposing yourself. You giggled and blushed a little as you quickly fixed it, “Oh, sorry!” Your boyfriend murmured something to a very confused camera guy about not dating you for your brains.

All those hours of posing in the mirror for nobody but yourself in your bedroom really paid off, you thought, hearing Bam’s murmured comments from behind the camera, “Yeah, that’s it…perfect. Just like that.” Holding back giggles at all the attention you were getting, an idea suddenly crossed your mind. “Hey, Bam!” He pulled away from the camera for a second as you called out to him, a smile playing on your lips, “Let’s do one together!” Shaking his head, you could’ve sworn you saw a bit of color on his cheeks.

“C’mon! It’d be so cute- If you show your boobs, I’ll show mine!” You couldn't help from smirking as you watched him mentally weigh out the options of your very convincing argument. While the other photographers got their cameras ready, your boyfriend tugged off his shirt much to your delight as you happily tossed the deck to the side. It was a fact that you could talk Bam into anything if you asked sweetly enough. Straddling his lap as he sat low on the purple chaise lounge that he bought just for this photoshoot, you waited for the cameras to start flashing before you leaned down, capturing his lips in a sloppy kiss. Maybe you hammed it up for the camera a little, but Bam didn’t have a problem with it. Smiling at the feeling of rough, calloused hands squeezing posessively at your hips, you pulled away slightly, your eyelashes fluttering as you giggled softly against Bam’s lips, “Yr’the best boyfriend ever…”

[onyxonline]

Silly lil sketch- Howlin on one of his energy highs, zipping around or usually tries to convince others to race him, which mostly ends up being hoppy or kickin for competitiveness anddddddddddddd on MOST occasions gets himself hurt- pff- in causal clothing with some sort of protection on his elbows and knees- which didn't help this time XD he learns and wears a helmet- (andddd he ends up forgeting to wear it anyways-) so it's like a not so fun cycle 😅

The flopping is so fucking adorable oh my GOD.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

How would the M6 react to a very very short MC? Probably 4'10 or less?

No I'm not projecting, I'm a tol gorl (I'm a gnome)

The Arcana HCs: M6 with a short MC

~ @zedibleandedible of course you're not, you are a perfectly average height XD I hope you like these, friend! - brainrot ~

-- for headcanon purposes, MC is a fully grown, 4'9 adult. I'll be putting M6's canon heights by their names as well --

Julian - 6'4

Upon meeting you, his mind follows this logical process exactly:

Wow, you are very short

He knows a short person very well. That short person is Pasha

Pasha is not to be messed with

Therefore, you are not to be messed with

But also, Pasha is his precious little sister and must be protected at all costs

Therefore, MC is clearly meant to become someone very precious to him, and he must now protect them at all costs too

This is what was going on behind that plague doctor's mask before you were able to get a read on him. He was stalling because he needed to figure out how to proceed

Having learned the hard way with his little sister, he is going to check first before making any jokes about your height

But if you give him permission, he is going to make so many. He's been saving up short jokes about Portia for years and this is a brand new innocent person to unleash them all on

Kisses work by grabbing his collar and yanking. He doesn't mind it

Asra - 5'8

They think you're perfect and adorable in every way. Your height just puts you at optimal top-of-the-head kisses level

If you think he won't take advantage of this to hold you to his heartbeat each time he hugs you, he absolutely will

They're used to being the short one in their friend groups, so you're definitely a change of pace (in a good way!)

Every time he sees you he wants to pick you up

They want to pat the top of your head so badly

It's right there, and it's so pattable!

But he's so careful about not pressuring you that it takes months of you asking if there's something wrong with your hair before he explains why he keeps staring at it

Teaches you all kinds of spells to float things off of high shelves

Likes watching you put people in their place when they assume that being short means it's okay to pick on you

Knits you a closetful of beanies because the top of your head is visible and so cute and they keep getting distracted whenever they can see it. Joke's on him, you're even cuter wearing the stuff they made for you

Nadia - 5'10

She's composed on the outside but on the inside she's melting

You will not know until you've been together for a very long time and you know just how much she respects you, because

Oh my goodness

She needs to squish you so bad

Or pick you up in her arms. Just once

She knows for a fact that you are strong and smart and capable and someone to take seriously

But you are an entire foot shorter than she is

On the plus side, it means she can just smother you every time she pulls you close for a hug

On the down side, she never wants to miss the opportunity to kiss you, but she's worried that her lips aren't easily accessible enough for when you want to initiate

She starts wearing clothes with lots of fabric flowing from her shoulders so it's easier for you to pull her down for a smooch

Will absolutely destroy anyone who insinuates that you can't be taken seriously because you're too small. Valerius learned a valuable lesson about not looking down his nose at you

Muriel - 6'10

He's terrified

Look, he is over two feet taller than you are. That's at least one chicken's difference. Maybe even two small chickens

What if he hurts you on accident? What if he walks into a room and doesn't see you there? What if you stand next to him and he hits you with his elbow?

Even more scared when you have to share a sleeping space, if he rolls over he could crush you and you wouldn't be able to escape

Until he sees how you respond to Morga and how easily you take to fighting

He's still terrified, but in the other direction

You can do insanely powerful things for someone your size

You also show him proof of his size being a positive thing - you're constantly asking him to reach things for you, and you're always using his wake to get through crowds

He doesn't want to have to double over each time he wants a hug or a kiss, so he gets in the habit of finding something to sit on anytime you two are in the same space so he's easy to reach

Suddenly the hut and clearing have so many tree stump stools

Portia - 5'1

FINALLY

Finally, somebody's shorter than her and not by half an inch!

She knows how annoying all the short jokes can be, she's not going to put you through that

Unless the cuteness aggression kicks in and then she is unloading every joke she's gotten over the years just for the satisfaction of not being on the receiving end of them

Loves being able to lean her head on top of yours during hugs and does so constantly

If you ask her to reach something down for you she will melt into a smug little puddle and gently tease you afterwards

Both of you are people to be reckoned with, so if the two of you ever get an insensitive comment from some foreign noble about Vesuvia sending "travel-sized" citizens they are in for a rough time

All the sailors on the boat now mentally equate "short" with "very strong"

But you are still their go-to person for when there's a small sack of something that's been wedged between a barrel and the corner of the hold, and then would you be so kind as to squeeze in and grab it for them?

Lucio - 5'10

Oh, you never heard the end of it when he was still a ghostly goatman

He was calling you every height-referencing nickname under the sun, and the more annoyed or upset you got the cuter he thought it was

Wait, cute? Oh no. Oh no, he thinks you're cute oh nooo ...

He tones it down quite a bit as he comes to respect and admire you, and eventually quits the nicknames altogether in an attempt to get you to like him better too

But he will never stop loving your height difference!

He feels so tall and manly and big next to you

Every time you ask him to reach something or look over the crowd for you his chest puffs up with pride

Makes the offer multiple times for you to sit on his shoulders to see a performance or announcement better whenever you're passing through a busy marketplace or town square

Will defend your honor against anyone who insults your height, but likes it even better when he holds your travel pack for you while you correct them

[irlcats-bracket]

Bracket 5 Semifinals 2

Blackie vs Maccabee

check their descriptions and catpaganda (new for blackie)

BLACKIE

This is Blackie, submitter's little one-eyed wonder. He lost his eye to glaucoma quite a few years ago, but he's doing a lot better now, and still likes to play with his sister, Artemis. His name is Blackie because that's what the shelter named him and submitter's family couldn't agree on a new name for him so it stuck, but submitter themselves call him 'Big Boi' because of just how massive he is. He was once very timid, but with time and love and patience he is now a certified lap cat who will come right up to strangers to demand pets. He has a wonderful squeaky meow and when he purrs it sounds like two cats purring at once. He likes to have people watch him eat and he will guide submitter's mom over to the couch and make her lay down just so he can sleep in her lap. Also, when he lays on his back, he covers his belly with his tail. Pictured is him in his signature polite boi sitting pose

MACCABEE

- weird old man

- known to bite people's elbows when prompted

- frequently sleeps with one (1) limb stretched in a random direction

- the reason submitter can't have pineapples in the house

- knows the word "treat," meaning it cannot be said out loud around him

- they got him for chanukah (hence the name). diversity win! this cat is jewish!

- they paid $150 to buy him a half-page ad in submitter's high school yearbook because he's worth it <3

CATPAGANDA

MACCABEE

has a post made by his human as a separate propaganda piece. it has bribery. the offer as far as i know still stands

also has agitational posters!!

BLACKIE

So glad to see Blackie still in the competition! His response so far has been "aow."

Truth be told, I'm running out of propaganda. If he make it to the next round, I'm gonna try my darnedest to capture his meows on video, which I haven't been able to do before because he sees me coming with the camera and starts purring XD

For now, more assorted Blackie facts!

Very rarely, when he gets the zoomies, he'll laugh. Like "huhuhuheueheHUEHEUE" kinda laugh.

I like to let him sniff human food/whatever I'm holding just to make sure he feels included (still doesn't like anything but pizza crumbs). But he has gagged on pickled ginger, banana, and CBD rub. He always gets really embarrassed when he gags tho

Ever since I got a job, he has been following me to bed and jumping on my chest to get the pets that he now lacks during the day.

If he sees you getting out the cat brush, he''ll lead you over to where he wants to be brushed.

On that note, when I had hurt my leg one time, Blackie saw that I wasn't leaning down to pet him and instead lead me over to the couch to have me sit down to pet him. He kept that up for a couple months once he saw how relieved it made me.

More Blackie propoganda! This time I bring you big boi in motion

link

Assorted Blackie facts:

A brave man when it comes to thunderstorms. But the vacuum? His mortal enemy.

The friendliest cat at the shelter. But the staff forced me to pick him up and hold him to get a picture and he got terrified and peed on me.

We think, based on how he acts, that he may have grown up in a home with dogs. But the mark on his ear is one done by our local neuter and release program, so we don't know if he was a stray, an outside cat, etc. But he's one of the friendliest cats I've ever met.

Will go up to his sister and put his head down to get it licked. But as soon as she goes to lick him and flattens his ears and raises a paw like he's gonna hit her. Sometimes they fight and sometimes they just walk away. We don't think he's trying to trick her because he acts genuinely confused throughout this process.

Sometimes he uses his back paw to scratch the back of his front leg when he's sitting down and it's so cute <3

These are old photos from when I used to hold a camera down and snap a photo when they leaned in to sniff the lens.

Blackie is our older cat and is such a gentleman. He is eager to love, he does the quickest slow blinks I've ever seen from a cat. He has a two-layered purr, it literally sounds like a cat purring as popcorn is being made in the background. He lost his eye to glaucoma when he was younger but he runs around and plays and teases his sister Artemis like a kitten. And his eyebrow whiskers grew down over his missing eye! He's not a big fan of people food but he has a fondness for pizza crumbs (NOT the crust. Just the crumbs off the plate when you're done eating the pizza). He walks like he's gingerly stepping through flowers and he's so gentle that the one time I overstimulated him and he wanted to bite me, he just shoved his closed mouth against my hand. He has a super long tongue and if you scratch the right spot between his shoulder blades he will lick the air. He's my precious boy who started out so scared but he's so brave and social and happy now just typing this out makes me wanna cry and go give him scritchies.

[rachi-roo]

Raichiii your writing is so gooodd!!! You're talented hehehe. Anyway I have a sudden funny idea that i'll be very grateful if you can turn into fic. I'm thinking the league of villain kidnap bakugou (just like in the anime), to persuade bakugou to join the LOV. Luckily the pro hero hawks is there (in disguise just like in the anime also)! Because hawks scared that LOV will use persuasion method that will harm bakugou, hawks adviced & suggested tickling instead because it's harmless lol Lee bakugou, lers hawks & LOV (platonic & no foot tickling if possible), have a nice dayy!!

-----------{ ☆°•○•°☆ }------------

My Hero Academia: An alternative solution.

You lot just loooove seeing him suffer, don't ya? XD Same 0-0 Sorry for the lack of some lov characters, I'm not sure about writing for those guys just yet 🫣

Summary: Tiggle fic. Bakugo has once again been captured by the LOV, now under the name Paranormal Liberation Front. Things look dire for the teen until a certain familiar bird-looking hero shows up to subtly aid the kidnapped victim.

Lee Bakugo, Lers Hawks, Dabi, Toga, Twice.

Tw: Mild swearing, possible spoilers, mentions of knifes, restraints, over-stimulation

12/02/23

-----------{ ☆°•○•°☆ }------------

"I say we drain him dry~ After losing a couple of pints I'm sure he'd be more willing to cooperate." Himiko grinned, pressing the flat of her knife against Bakugos chin, lifting his head towards the light. He was still a little groggy from whatever they'd managed to shoot him with. It could have been another quirk, but that didn't matter right now.

"Naaah, after the trouble he caused last time, we should burn the message into him. Make sure it leaves a lasting reminder of who he's up against if he doesn't want to join." Dabi chuckled, raising a small ember to the side of the ash blonde's face. The heat just licking his skin.

Bakugo just glared back, unable to move. They had the poor boy strapped into a different kind of chair this time. The seat part was normal, but the upper half of the chair was 'T' shaped, with his arms stretched out to the sides along the frame. Buckles along his upper arms, elbows and wrists held him firmly in place, with his hands trapped inside some kind of quirk nullifying blocks. They must've gotten this tech from ReDestro. He felt exposed. Only wearing his black tee, pyjama shorts and sneakers.

There were more straps, one across his chest, one on each thigh and another one holding each ankle. He was stuck good. They definitely had more painful plans for the boy this time.

"No!" Twice joined. "Let's just break every bone! Start with his toes- No this is far too cruel- He has it coming!"

"Woooah, woooah, everyone just take a breather, hey?" A cool voice interrupted, Dabi giving an irritated huff as he turned towards the voice. "The fuck are you doing here, Hawks?"

Hawks? Bakugos eyes snapped wide open, staring in disbelief. It's Hawks. He's really here. With the PLF. Why? What's he up to?

Hawks stepped in, smiling casually at the boy. "Long time no see, Bakugo." He waved.

"Hawks... The hell are you doing with-"

"All will be explained later, kid. Now, this is quite the tricky situation you've found yourself in, ain't it?" He chuckled, circling the chair in which Bakugo was bound. "Naww, look, they really did a number on you didn't they? All sleepy. Bless." He placed a hand on Bakugos back, pressing gently in a pattern, using code to let him know he was safe.

Toga frowned, pointing her knife again. "We just wanna convert him. He should be on our side! He's not as cute as Deku, but he is strong."

"Convert and befriend him by.... hurting him?" Hawks questioned with a raised brow. Bakugo gave him a side glance, wondering what he was up to.

"Uh, yeah? How else are we supposed to make him join us?" Twice hummed.

Hawks chuckled, ruffling Bakugos hair. "Well, what's one thing 99% of teen boys have in common that we could use?"

"No fire resistance."

"They need most of their blood?"

"Lack of oxygen will turn them blue!"

"All correct, but I was thinking something a little more, harmless." Hawks smiled, circling the blonde again, stopping behind him this time.

"Something, to reeeally make him regret not joining~" Two gloved hands flexed by Bakugos exposed sides, making him tense up.

"Hawks? What the fuck are you- Ghk!" He flinched, immediately trying to hold his breath as he felt the awful sensation of fingers skittering up and down his sides. He pulled on the restraints, desperately trying to stifle his giggling.

Dabi tilted his head. "Tickling? Are you serious?"

"Ah-hah~" Hawks nodded, resting his chin on Bakugos shoulder, casually continuing to lightly tickle the boy. "Think about it, you want him to join you, right? So, instead of using pain that will just make him sour towards us and our goals, why not use something that will, instead, make him smile?"

Toga crouched between Bakugos legs, leaning in to see his flustered expression as he tried to hide. "Hmmm... Good point." She nodded, a small grin growing on her cheeks. "I do like watching him wriggle like this. It must be humiliating." She rested her head on his knee, starting to drag her nails up and down the inside of his bare thigh, making his leg shudder.

Bakugo couldn't believe what was happening. This wasn't real. It had to be a dream. He shook his head, scrunching his eyes shut, still desperate not to laugh. "Rh- S-Stop it-!"

"What was that? You're gonna have to speak up a little buddy." Hawks cooed, blowing into the blonde's ear, making him yelp as he bundled his shoulders up. "You're so dead!" He threatened, biting his lip again.

Toga smirked, bringing her other set of nails to his exposed knees, reverse pinching on the caps. "You look silly~" She grinned.

"The sooner you give up, the sooner this will stop." Hawks nodded.

"Lemme try!- I'll kill the brat, with laughter!" Twice hopped over, standing by the side and started to poke at Bakugos tummy, enjoying the muffled giggling that followed.

He won't break. He won't! Not now. Not ever-!

"Coochie, coochie, coooo~ C'mon buddy, we're all friends here." Hawks jeered, holding two of his longer feathers, slipping them into the short sleeves of Bakugos shirt, ever so lightly brushing and swirling against his vulnerable underarms.

"Gh-! Shihit! Ah- Mmh! No! Rh! Noho! HahAH!" He was on the edge. Right on the brink of bursting.

"You guys are so bad at this." Dabi smirked, standing over Toga, leaning in and starting to claw at Bakugos ribs. He wasn't starting soft like the others. He wanted to crush this UA student.

"AAAAH! Nahaha! Aha-! No! Nohohoho! AHAHA!"

"There she blows~!" Hawks teased, continuing his underarm torment.

"Ahahaha! S-Stahap! Hawks! God danm ihihit! HAHA!"

Toga switched up her tickling, matching Dabis ruthless energy as she pressed her thumbs on his inner thighs, feeling the muscles tense and wobble in panic. "Hmmm, not as cute as Dekus thighs. But this is still fun~"

"Gehet off! Get off my thihighs! StAHAHA!" This wasn't like any tickling he had experienced before. All these spots being attacked at once, it was crazy. Maybe a little enjoyable for the time being. But crazy. Twice rolled up Bakugos shirt, tucking it under the chest strap, leaving his belly and ribs exposed.

"Wow, he's buff!- And all ours." The two-bit man smiled, starting to shake his fingers into the exposed tummy, earning a bout of boyish giggling before the hysterics descended again. "Stahap! I-I'll never-! AHAHAHA! NEHEHEVER!"

"Oh yes you wiiiill~ Or we're just going to tickle you pink!" Hawks smiled, glad that he'd managed to make sure they at least didn't hurt the boy. He looked at Bakugos face, red as a tomato, tears pooling in the corners of his tightly shut eyes and a big smile on his face.

"Move your hands, Twice!" Toga suddenly yelled, licking her lips as she took a deep breath, plunging against Bakugos belly, blowing a round of short, fuzzy raspberries.

Bakugo all but melted, unable to do anything but flinch and squirm, his entire body filled with a flurry of tingles. "Stop, stop, stop! Stahap! STAHAHAHAP!"

Hawks sent out a few smaller feathers, all starting to tickle around Bakugos ears, neck and collarbone, freeing his hands for other places. "Let's seeeee. A little birdy, not me another bird, told me that there's a little secret spot. Bakugos off button. Where oh where was it?" He teased, knowing exactly where it was.

"Don't! Hawks, Hawks plehease! I can't tahAHAHA! AAAAAH-!"

"Bingo~" Hawks chuckled, drilling his fingers into the so-called off button. Just above his ribs, below his underarms. It did indeed turn the poor boy off. His laughter fell silent, only growing loud again when he needed to inhale.

The tickling went on like this for a while. Tears dripped onto Bakugos rolled-up shirt as he cried with laughter, his body drenched in sweat. With Hawks taking care of his vulnerable spot, Twice on his tummy, Dabi wrecking his ribs and Toga squeezing at his thighs and knees, along with Hawks damned feathers. He wasn't sure he could take much more.

"Okay-.... Ahaha! O-Okahay! Stahap! Hawks! Please! Plehehease! Please stahap! AHA! MEHERCY!" He cried out, feeling himself start to panic. His hair sticking to his forehead, getting in his eyes. They weren't stopping. They really weren't stopping.

"Fuhuhuck! AHAHA! PLEHEASE! STAHAhahap!" His throat became hoarse, his mind filling with fog.

Finally, after almost an hour, the tickling finally stopped. Bakugo's head slumped forward as he gasped for air. Exhausted. Hawks stayed with him after the other members left. He gently brushed the hair from Bakugos eyes. "You did great kid, you just rest, we'll talk later."

Bakugo was too tired to argue, he just gave hawks a glare before closing his eyes, still trying to catch his breath.

What happened after that was a mystery, next thing Bakugo knew, he was waking up back in his bed at the dorms. He didn't care what Hawks was up to, he knew there was a reason he was with the villains that night. And he was still too tired to think about it right now. He sighed, curling up underneath his warm blankets, drifting off to sleep again.

[musings-and-moans]

homewrecker

submission for: @cirigiri's The DILF List Collab (DILF #17 — the friend’s husband) AND for iwaizumi's birthday on the 10th of june. also, this is part 1, part 2 is coming out on the 21st, and part 3 during kinktober <3

features: friend's husband!hajime iwaizumi x mrs. oikawa!f!reader (afab!reader, uses she/her pronouns) | song: homewrecker - marina | wc: 4185 | part 2 | part 3

summary: while hajime iwaizumi is a highly successful athletic trainer, his marriage is in disarray. his wife ended up cheating on him even after having a son, kaito iwaizumi, when she went on a business trip to argentina; with his best buddy, tooru oikawa, of all people. he wasn't the only one who had been duped, though. so were you, tooru oikawa's wife, and with a daughter, melina jose oikawa. you remembered your pent-up sentiments for hajime while comforting each other, and things start to take a spicy turn. | visual inspiration: this artwork by @/novak.rouge on instagram (@beware-of-the-rogue the way you and ella have spoiled me xD) and serena mendoza is inspired by serena van der woodsen from gossip girl (yes i love that show gtfo my case lol /j /lh)

beta readers: @mrskenmakozume @sweetsbysatori (your inputs are so so valuable ilysm <333) | networks: @tokyometronetwork @hanayanetwork

brainstorming: @mxonigirimiya (this wouldn't have been possible without you so thank you so so much *sobs* <33)

content warnings: hq timeskip spoilers, themes of infidelity, suggestive tones, angst, hurt/comfort, usage of swear words (this is so not me lol, i just had a rough couple of days, and this is me venting lol), serena's called a bitch, paparazzi, mentions of body insecurity/dysmorphia (but not reader), the reader having symptoms of depression including having trouble with eating, mentions of consumption of alcohol, sexual tension, slightly dubcon (if you squint at the end) 'cause iwaizumi's speaking in a slurred voice, please lmk if i miss out on any tags

a/n: this took me a lot of while to come up with this lol, because it's writing about my kinnie in a bad light, but it's only for the sake of the plot y'all. but i honestly loved writing this, i'd been in a bad mood off late and i needed to vent out. also, please note that i don't ever condone cheating. as always, likes, comments & reblogs, especially reblogs are appreciated. also, minors please dni, i will block you.

9th May 2021. 7:00pm, San Juan, Argentina

The waves from the cerulean sea kissed your toes as you were sitting near the shoreline in Del Bono with your elbows on the clear sand. The incandescent moon shone light on your shimmery silver dress and sand-covered feet which had become sore after running away from the izakaya after one of your colleagues shared the news where you learned that your husband, the setter of Club Atletico San Juan, Tooru Oikawa, was rumored to have cheated on you with your best friend since university, Serena Mendoza. You heaved a long drawn sigh as you felt something punching your gut as you then sat up with your hands hugging your stomach, writhing in agony, and tears welling in your eyes. Your heart broke for your daughter, as you wondered whether she heard the news about her father, and wondered whether her classmates would eventually make fun of her. She was at no fault of this at all, but was unnecessarily caught in this crossfire. 

Wiping the tears from your waterline, for a moment you think about Serena, one of the richest, most popular and good looking girls at the University of California at Irvine, who became your best friend over your course of study at the university. She was regarded as one of the most beautiful girls in your university. Everyone wanted to be her, some wanted to be with her, and you, (Y/N) (L/N), having moved to the States from Japan, had considered yourself very lucky to befriend her. 

The day after you two graduated from uni, you two were lying on one of the sands of the California beaches. You let the sand below you cling to you as you wore a swimsuit with every inch of the fabric hugging your skin especially after you’d gone for a swim, while Serena wore her black V-neck one-piece swimsuit, her body and her long, wavy blonde locks basked in the glory of the sunshine, waiting for you to get back. As you two were lying down, soaking in the sun, Serena said, “You know something? Someday, it would be nice for us to get married to a pair of best friends, wouldn’t it?” As the water kisses your feet, you turn to Serena and add, “Famous best friends, maybe? And if we end up getting a high profile job too, someday we wouldn’t have to worry about our life, y’know? ‘Cause we’d be living a life of luxury,” chuckling amongst yourselves.

Boy, how you were wrong.

10th May 2021. 7:00am, Tokyo, Japan

“We now begin this special program with breaking news as we see clips showing the well known setter for the San Juan Volleyball Team, Tooru Oikawa, walking out of his hotel with someone other than his wife. Sources say…”

As Iwaizumi was told by Atsumu Miya, one of his athletes that he was training for the Olympics, to watch the news online through his iPad,  the world came to a standstill for him. He was beyond disbelief, seeing his wife and the mother of their son, as the mystery woman who was scuttling inside the hotel with Oikawa’s arm around her waist as he kissed her on her lips. He could make out that it was Serena through her blonde tresses, and the emerald earrings that he gave her for their anniversary.

“Haji,” he heard her calling for him once more, interrupting his train of thought, but the voice that once brought him joy now wrung his heart, causing him to be in profound agony. He turned in the direction of the gradually unfamiliar voice as he noticed Serena walking out of their bedroom in her work attire. She’d seen a little frantic, when she asked him, “Haji, where’s our son?” Furrowing his eyebrows at her, the athletic trainer responded, “That’s not something you needed to know,” then shrugged his shoulders to continue, “given that you don’t care for him anyway, but I’d already contacted my parents to take him in.” Serena widened her eyes in shock, raising her voice, “How dare you! He’s our son! How dare you make such decisions without consulting me?” 

Approaching her, Hajime confronted his wife, and replied, “Serena, you lost that right. Not when you chose to go to Buenos Aires for the trip. You lost the right to call me your husband and Kaito as our son, when you decided to fuck my best friend,” raising his voice at the end and pointing a finger towards her. Serena’s mouth gaped wide open as he told her, “Atsumu showed me the news. That bastard woke me up at 7am! I’m glad that he did though, because you cheated on me, and betrayed your best friend, by sleeping with my asshole of a best friend! Oh my god, do you have any idea what she must be going through?” In the midst of the long argument, initially she kept denying it, saying, “No, Haji, that’s so not true. I just met him and caught up with him. That’s all,” and she kept trying to change the topic, but fate wasn’t on her side as she got a ping on the phone from Oikawa. He snatched the phone from her and then saw a notification from the beguiling devil himself. As he opened the phone, the text gave him enough reasonable doubt to confirm his suspicions:

“Serena-chan, what are we gonna do? (Y/N)-chan hasn't seen the news yet, has Iwa-chan? How are we going to explain this without getting caught?”

His olive-green irises started seeing red, but instead of deciding to lash out at Serena, which even she expected, an idea sparked into his head. He took a deep breath and he then proceeded to dial your number. As you lifted the phone, he was met with your ragged breaths and sniffles, as you replied with a lump in your throat, “Hello, Iwaizumi?” For a moment, when he heard you, he felt your heart break along with his, but he knew he had to be strong for the both of you. 

He’d known you and Serena since the time you three studied together in Irvine. You and Iwaizumi did not have much in common, but you two were willing to be a part of each other’s interests. You two would watch Godzilla together while you would take him along with Serena out on a drive. Whether it was playing volleyball, playing in the arcade, or sipping on some horchata while gorging on some tacos, you loved to hang outdoors. You two slowly started to become thick as thieves, and you started to have feelings for him.

However, when he confessed one day that he had feelings for Serena, it caused your heart to break inside and you were a little jealous of her, but you had kept all the negativity aside, resigning yourself to thinking that he would never be interested in you to begin with. So, when Oikawa dropped by to visit Iwaizumi, the former ace introduced you to his childhood best friend who started shadowing his idol, the former setter-turned-coach Jose Blanco, when he joined the Club Atletico San Juan, one of the most popular teams in the Argentinian Volleyball Federation.

Tooru had once come across as smug initially, but he eventually captured your heart over you two having a lot more in common with each other, and you had similar experiences growing up. You two eventually fell in love with each other, and you and Tooru and Serena and Hajime got married on the same day. While Hajime and Serena worked in the States, the former gaining American citizenship, you had worked with Serena for a while, until you and Oikawa moved to Argentina, with him gaining Argentinian citizenship.

“Hi, it’s… been a while, hasn’t it?” Iwaizumi asked you, in a softer tone, causing Serena to open her mouth in shock. Taking a long drawn breath, you responded with a quivering voice, “It has, but it’s sad we’re talking under these circumstances.” He nodded, inquiring while Serena widened her eyes, “When did you find out?” Drooping your shoulders, you continued, “I was at an izakaya with my co-workers after we had a successful presentation. Before coming here, it felt really awkward. Many of my co-workers were giving me weird looks throughout the day, until some of them decided to treat me to a drink in the evening. You know that she and I decided to be colleagues in the American Volleyball Association where Kuroo-san referred us before I transferred to Argentina, right? So, I contacted my boss after knowing the news and he granted me permission to work from home. I’ve never done this, Iwa! I take pride in going to work everyday, and I just…” 

You couldn’t speak anymore because you’d started sobbing, smearing your makeup. Iwa repeatedly called your name to calm you down, while flashing his hand at Serena to stop her from walking towards him. Having gained your attention, you replied, “I don’t know what to do, I’m going to be booking a cab home as of now.” He then interrupted you by saying, “Before you do that, I think you need to call Oikawa. This needs to be talked about.” Your eyes widened as fear and anger gripped you, snarking, “wait, is that bitch here?” He hummed in response, causing you to respond, “you know what? Let’s do that. Also, please put the phone on speaker.” 

While Serena does not move an inch, Hajime put the phone in front of him and turned on the speaker, while side-eyeing at her. After a couple of minutes, a familiar voice was heard out loud. “Ola, mi amõr. What's up? Practice is wrapping up, so I’m on my way home. What do you want for dinner?” The whole room could sense that he was acting like nothing happened. Then you continued, “Tooru, I saw the news. I know that you’re having an affair with Serena.” An uncomfortable silence lingered in the room, before Oikawa breaks it, replying in an act of defiance, “Baby, it's not what it looks like,” when Hajime chimed in, exclaiming with seething rage, “So what is it then, Shittykawa, ‘cause it looks like you're all over my wife!” 

Serena then cried out, “Tooru, I did not tell him anything,” with you interrupting her, saying, “Shut up, bitch, no one wants to listen to you!” Tooru was shocked, and he softly replied, “Mi amor, can we talk about this by ourselves, at home? I’m so sorry–” Shaking your head, you retorted, “Nah. You’re only sorry that you got caught. So, either we can’t talk about it at all, or we can talk about it now since you decided to embarrass not just yourself, but all four of us on an international stage. Do you know how many weird looks I got today? Huh? I'd have to call my boss for some days off or to work from home, because paparazzi would probably be fucking hounding my office, putting my job at risk, so I'm at the beach, and I’ll be going back home now, and I’m sure the cameras have reached there too,” you shrug and raise your voice, continuing, “packing our bags, and taking Melina with me to Tokyo, where you’re not going to follow me, do you understand, Oikawa?” 

During this time, Oikawa gets a call from Jose Blanco, his coach, and Iwaizumi from Fuki Hibarida, the coach of the Japanese National Volleyball Team. Both of them were urged to put the phone via a conference call, where everyone was present. You muted your side of the call out of respect but didn't cut the call. Instead, you got up, rustled your dress, and booked a cab home. “Oikawa,” Blanco spoke first, “you’re our most important player in the team, so how is it that your dirty laundry is now aired?” Hibarida continued, “we’ve decided to arrange the conference call, because one, we know that you two have been friends growing up, so this better be fixed somehow, and two, the Olympics are on the way and we don’t want any bad press to affect our games. So, you two better fucking get it together or both of you're off your respective teams, because we're not going to risk our image by being associated with that mess.” Nodding with a single tear streaming down his cheek, Hajime responded, “We are so sorry, Hibarida-san and Blanco-san for all the chaos that’s been happening. I’ll be organizing a press conference tomorrow and come clean. I hope Oikawa does the same, because a lot is at stake here, including our friendship, which has already gone to the dogs. Have a good day, both of you.” 

When both of them hung up, you unmuted yourself and continued speaking, “I’m home now. I’m telling our daughter  that we’re taking an impromptu trip to her grandparents’ place, in Miyagi. Hajime, since our parents live nearby, why don’t you bring your son there?” With a soft smile on his face, he replied, “Already did that, (y/n). It will be nice for our kids to bond. Where will you be staying?” 

“I’ll be staying over at a friend’s place,” you continued, “We’ll be in touch, Haji. But before I hang up, I want to ask the both of you something. Tooru, what did she give you that I couldn't? Serena, what did he give you that Hajime couldn’t provide? What could have been so lacking in our respective marriages, that you, Tooru sought it out in not just any woman, but the wife of your best friend for almost 2 decades? The same question goes to you too, Serena.” Both of them sheepishly replied, “I don't know,” making both you and Iwaizumi even more furious. You then hung up and tried to find a way to collect your emotions and move out to a friend’s place with your daughter before you move back to Tokyo the next day.

On the following day, Hajime and Tooru organized a press conference at their respective places, and Tooru was the first to speak, “Good evening everyone. This press conference is being held to come clean and ensure that our Olympic game is not jeopardized. The rumors are true: I did have an affair with Iwaizumi's wife. All of us have known each other since college days, and Iwaizumi and I grew up together. So, this in no way excuses my actions, or our actions. We were drunk, we acted impulsively without thinking about the impact it would have on our partners We are sorry—not only to everyone we disappointed, but especially to our partners whom we betrayed in one of the most intimate ways. Having said that, it was a one time thing that never should have happened, and all we can do is ask for forgiveness,” half-lying in the end. Then Hajime continued, “Our families request privacy as we figure out how to move forward after this scandal. So, I hope that all of you will respect our decisions in this matter. And to those who are fans of the team and of the sport of volleyball, I request that this isolated incident should not affect your love for it at all. Above all, we’ll always be fans of the sport, no matter what. The press conference ends here.”

Days have passed since you moved out of Argentina back to Tokyo, and you and Hajime had told Serena and Tooru that you two were separating from the both of them. Upon reaching Tokyo, you’d contacted your childhood friend, Tetsuro Kuroo, who was now a sports promoter at the Japan Volleyball Association, who gave you a separate house to live in for a couple of days, and was even willing to refer you for a spot in the JVA, should you wanted to come back to work. You responded, saying that you would think it over. In the meantime, Iwaizumi moved out of the house and contacted his other best friends, Issei Matsukawa and Hanamaki Takahiro. “Bro, we’re really sorry that that happened and you can stay with either one of us,” Mattsun replied over the phone, “however, Oikawa was lying about one thing. It was not a one time thing, Iwaizumi. They’d been sleeping with each other even when you all were just dating.” Hajime felt a sinking feeling within him when he learnt of the dirty little secret.

Despite all the four settling with each other in different countries, Oikawa and Serena had a secret that neither Hajime nor you were aware of. Even though Tooru and Serena loved you two a lot, enough to want to start families  with the both of you, they loved each other differently. The secret glances they shared, the trips they would secretly take to meet each other, the marks they had to hide and everything else surrounding their years of tryst were oblivious to you two. They were never caught, except by some of his Argentinian friends who tried to convince him to stop the affair, until now. Mattsun had eventually learned of this the month before the press leak, when he ended up snooping through Oikawa’s phone when he’d come to Japan for some time before the Olympics. Mattsun told Makki and while the both of them confronted Oikawa and told him to inform Hajime, he said that he would, but since they knew that he wouldn’t, Makki left an anonymous tip to the press who started tracking them, hence the press leak. The day of the press leak, Oikawa lost his cool when he saw the only DM from Makki ‘cause they’d usually talk over the phone: “I hope you enjoy explaining your affair to the press, Oikawa :D”

The first few days went by very drearily, causing you to weep profusely. This affected you so much that it caused you to have sleepless nights and bouts of overeating and not eating at all. You were scared to go to work again so after a couple of days, you contacted your boss saying that you wanted to work from home until the situation died down. So, you started slowly gaining your energy back, and with employing a couple of self-care options, you were slowly feeling better yourself. This didn’t stop you from suddenly thinking about the whole situation without it constantly pricking you. You’d told Tooru that you wanted to be separated and you wanted time to think for yourself and the custody of your daughter. It was especially hard when you’d be in touch with your daughter and you were not able to say anything to her just yet. She may have your hair and your features but she had Tooru’s eyes, and it pained you to see her brown irises  and be reminded of him.

With Hajime, it was different. 

In any case, he kept to himself anyway. Nonetheless, people did still know him as an athletic trainer, and through a couple of viral videos of him working out, he was also referred to as a “DILF.” He never missed looking in the mirror since he started working out consciously and living a healthy lifestyle, and he was proud to see his muscle mass growing in the right places. As he raked his fingers through his hair, he would flex his biceps and admire the physique he was trying to build for himself. 

He was not ashamed of the way he looked. It may have bothered him that he was shorter than Tooru, but he was happy with how he lived. He was aware that Tooru was more popular with girls than he was. However, whenever Serena complimented him and told him that he still looked attractive and that she was lucky to be with him, he became much more at ease. But with her having cheated on him, he suddenly felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, realizing that she may have been lying. He suffered a significant blow to his self-confidence, not only as a partner but also as a parent and a person. The moments he felt like not working out, he would skip it, but would be chided by Mattsun, Makki, and you. 

Everyday you’d check in with Hajime to figure things out as to how you two would be able to cope with everything. You were able to convince one of your old friends who work in the grocery store to deliver the groceries to Hajime so he could avoid the paparazzi, and since Kuroo gets his groceries delivered anyway, you don't have to go out either. This wasn’t just to calm everything down, it's also to salvage your images because you didn’t want people to pity you as the left-behind partners. You two were much more than that. Because life had been kicking the both of you hard, while you two were occasional drinkers, your quantities eventually started increasing. You two somehow found a way to sneak to each other’s houses without garnering unwanted attention. Even if it was for a brief moment, you two indulged in a temporary escape with each other, ignoring the reality that was haunting the both of you. 

One day, at his house, when you two were watching a comedy movie while hogging on some popcorn together, while laughing, your hand subconsciously landed on his thigh and then your eyes turned to each other. Your heart started to beat faster as your eyes landed on his. Ragged breaths were echoed throughout the room, as he closed the laptop. As he was cupping your cheeks and drew your face closer, he asked you slowly, gentlemanly, “(y/n), can I please-” and as you were about to give in to the temptation, your phone buzzed causing you to jolt from your carnal trance as your daughter called you. Sensing that you needed time to think about all that just happened, you told him that you were leaving and that you’d meet him later. 

As you finish speaking with your daughter, while driving back home, your mind then lingers back to the first time when you first saw him at the university's recreation center, his dark brown, spiky hair caught your attention and then his green eyes which truly captured your attention. In discussing the intramural tournaments with him as you were interested in signing up, you found his toned figure attractive. You were standing at the registration desk when Serena grabbed your arm and whispered into your ear, “oooh, did you notice the dickprint on his shorts?  Because that looks so satisfying,” and you did notice a slight bulge in his shorts as you glanced over at him.

He seemed to get the memo when your gaze meets his, as he winked at you, making your cheeks flush as you parted ways. Ever since then, over the years, whenever you touched yourself, as your fingers ran over your clit, everyday, even when you were married to Tooru, you still kept thinking of Hajime as you imagined him calling you, “baby,” as he thrusted himself inside you. You were scared to tell Serena about how you felt for him because they told you individually, and out of respect for both of them, you kept your feelings aside and you genuinely started to like Tooru, but you couldn’t stop thinking of Hajime. How could you? You were truly in love with him.

9th June, 2021. 11:30pm

You realized that it was Hajime’s birthday coming soon, and no sooner did you think about him, than you were immediately reminded of the moment you two had shared when you two almost kissed each other, causing your cheeks to fluster. You’d wanted him for so long, but never got to act on the feelings, but that day, when your lips were about to meet, you realized that you haven’t had sex in so long. Your marriage with Oikawa had fallen apart at its seams, and while you had been thinking of getting back to him for your daughter, that moment with Hajime made you realize that you’d rather have the athletic trainer more than the setter.

Having then downed a few glasses of wine, and craving to be intimate with him, you put your lacy underwear under Hajime’s oversized volleyball shirt, turned on your vibrator, placed it over your clit, and felt the vibrations run through you. Initially, you moved the tip of the toy slowly up your entrance before you let it enter you, then you increase the speed. You were fondling yourself, bursting out in a series of moans when you heard a knock at your door. As you awoke for a brief moment and wondered what was happening, you kept the vibrator on your bedside table. You ran to the door, opening it with your eyes wide and shocked at who was there. The former ace mumbles in a slurred voice, picking you up as he wraps your legs around his waist. He takes your cheeks to bring you closer and begins to kiss you.

© Shyna 2022 - reposting on any other platform is not allowed. likes, comments, and especially reblogs are appreciated. (taglist in next rb)

[fangirleaconmigo]

Are you taking requests actually? I want to know if Jaskier ever or often patches up geralt’s wounds

ETA: CORRECTION! THANK YOU ANON. PLEASE REBLOB THIS ONE FOLKS.

Hi Elsa! So here I am apologizing again to a tumblr fren for how long I take. But I really do open a gdoc and pick away at these for months. Hopefully they are worth the wait.

So. Here is your next installment of ...

I Can't Believe It's Not Fanon: facts that sound like Geraskier fic writers made them up, but that are in fact, book canon.

'Bandaging each other up' edition.

In Geraskier fic, the ‘’bandaging each other up” trope is wildly popular. That just makes sense. Geralt has a dangerous job + we all want them to show each other care and tenderness. Restrained yearning while touching is a great combo.

Now, is it book canon? (drumroll please)

Yes folks. It's canon.

They both patch each other up at least once that is mentioned. The time Geralt bandages Dandelion is much more dramatic so I'll focus there first:

Geralt does patch Dandelion up. And while it isn’t just like fanon (there are no kisses) it is an incredibly pivotal moment for Geralt. Seeing Dandelion get hurt and put at risk, fucks Geralt up so badly that it leads to one of the most iconic scenes in the series. It also portrays one of my most beloved tropes of all time. I will get into all that.

 Also, as a bonus, the way their friends react to Dandelion’s (relatively) minor injury, is so fucking funny and cute. There is this fanon going around, (I saw a post I can’t find now) where Jaskier gets minorly injured and the wolves fuss over him and make a big deal over his bravery. XD It’s very cute. 

And actually.

That is canon. Only instead of the wolves, it’s the hansa. (For the uninitiated, the hansa is an iconic group of friends who wander the continent through a war hellscape with Geralt to help him find Ciri)

Ok *clears throat* here is what happens when Dandelion is injured. I talked about this part a bit in my “Geralt being extremely protective of Dandelion” post, but I have something new to say about it, I promise.

So, in Baptism of Fire, Geralt and Dandelion are on the same horse, fleeing an enemy. They are in a clearing, and are trying to make it to a forest for tree cover. Geralt is riding in front, and Dandelion is holding onto Geralt for dear life in the back. If they are caught and overpowered, it would mean certain death. In that context, here is how Dandelion is injured:

When hope dawned that they might just make it, the night air suddenly sang with a whistle of fletchings. Dandelion yelled, this time very loudly indeed, and dug his fingers into Geralt’s sides. The Witcher felt something warm dripping onto his neck.

Uh oh. Bard down. What does Geralt do?

“Hold on!” he shouted, catching the poet by the elbow and drawing him closer to his own back. “Hold on Dandelion!”

So first, he draws Dandelion closer, hoping he can cling to his back. And how does Dandelion react? Well, Dandelion has been hurt before, when the djinn got him. But that was magical. There was no blood involved. No one has ever made him bleed his own blood before. So, he panics.

“They’ve killed me!” the poet howled, impressively loudly for a dead man. “I’m bleeding! I’m dying!”

The tongue in cheek humor is one of the hallmarks of the witcher books. But yeah. The poor guy utterly panics. They almost make it into the cover of some woods when Dandelion pitches backwards off the horse.

The poet thudded onto the dirt and lay still, groaning pathetically. His head and left shoulder were covered in blood, and glistened black in the moonlight. 

Now, this part I've discussed. The next part is where we see how it makes Geralt feel to see Dandelion harmed like that. 

The witcher sprang up, feeling a swelling wave of cold fury and hatred inside him...he wanted to kill.

Seeing Dandelion attacked makes him feel cold fury and homicidal rage. So he faces their pursuers and kills the leading rider in a grotesque way, by way of a blade into his open mouth up to the hilt. (Geralt is an intense motherfucker when you hurt someone he loves) Then he goes back to his friend.

“Dandelion! Where were you hit? Where is the arrow?”

“In my head, it’s stuck in my head.”

“Don’t talk nonsense! Bloody hell, you were lucky. It only grazed you.”

“I’m bleeding...”

Dandelion has never been shot before, so he thinks the pain means the arrow is stuck in his head. Geralt is massively relieved. And then Geralt does something that we do see a lot in fanon.

Geralt removed his jerkin and tore off a shirtsleeve. The point of the quarrel had caught Dandelion above the ear, leaving a nasty looking gash extending to his temple. The poet kept bringing his shaking hand up to the wound and then looking at the blood, which was profusely spattering his hand and cuffs. His eyes were vacant.

So Geralt takes off his own jerkin so he can get to his shirtsleeve and he tears his own clothing to get ready to bandage Dandelion. Dandelion is in shock. His eyes are vacant.

And here’s the part that really gets me.

The witcher realized he was dealing with a person who, for the first time in his life, had been wounded and was in pain. Who, for the first time was seeing his own blood in such quantities.

Now, again, Dandelion was horrifically wounded by the djinn. But it was magical and he was cured. But this is the first time he is bleeding from a wound. And to me it is so crucial that this is the thought that Geralt has. Despite the fact that he’s closer to a hundred years old than fifty, and has been injured countless times, he never loses sight of the fact that his friend doesn’t have the same experience of physical suffering that he does. (I’ll come back to that). Now. Back to the story.

“Get up,” he said, wrapping the shirtsleeve quickly and clumsily around the troubadour’s head. “It’s nothing, Dandelion. It’s only a scratch. Get up, we have to get out of here fast.”

So Geralt wraps up his wound. But since they are in the middle of a battle zone and he is emotional, it is quick and clumsy and he's trying to calm him. And now he needs to get him to safety.

Dandelion managed to get up, but immediately sat down again, groaned and sobbed pitifully. The witcher lifted him to his feet, shook him back to consciousness and hauled him into the saddle. 

Geralt mounted behind the wounded poet and spurred the horse east...

So, he reassures him, rips his own clothes to bandage him and he tosses him on the horse for safety. Now they ride off to find their friends, and now Geralt is behind him, holding him up.

Now, we get back to the hansa. If you don’t know hansa, there is Milva, who I have profiled here. She is a very tough archer who has been through a lot of shit and can beat your ass. There is Cahir, (nothing like tv Cahir) who used to be a soldier. So. Also a warrior. And we have Regis, a several centuries old vampire who can go from genteel to deadly in the blink of an eye. (we don’t have Angouleme yet). I'd be willing to wager that Dandelion is the baddest ass poet on the continent. But compared to Geralt and the other members of the hansa, he is a soft squishy little wet kitten, and they rarely let him forget it.

When Geralt reunites with them, Regis bandages up Dandelion with a real bandage. Regis is a barber/surgeon and very good at field medicine. 

And the way Regis talks to Dandelion is so sweet. Like, there is an inherent ridiculousness but to me it is so goddamn touching. Here he is treating him:

“Be brave, Dandelion.”

Dandelion was brave.

“Almost done here,” Regis said, setting about bandaging the victim’s head. “Don’t you worry, Dandelion., you’ll be right as rain. The wound is just right for a poet, Dandelion. You’ll look like a war hero, with a proud bandage around your head, and the hearts of the maidens looking at you will melt like wax. Yes, a truly poetic wound. Unlike an abdominal wound for instance. Liver all cut up, kidneys and guts mangled, stomach contents and faeces pouring out, peritonitis...Right, that’s done.”

It is so comedic how he talks to a grown man like a child but it's genuinely touching to me because there is real compassion in it. They may have suffered far worse (Regis has been quite literally torn apart), but they still are so proud of him for dealing with his wound. Also, he knows to appeal to two of Dandelion’s biggest priorities; good poetry and impressing women. 

Then, we really see the emotional effects of Geralt seeing Dandelion injured like that. 

Right after this happens, Geralt tries to drive his friends away. He says his mission (they are trying to find Ciri in a war zone) is too dangerous for them. He gives his “I’m going it alone now, you can all leave” speech. Dandelion has no intention of leaving him and sasses the fuck out of him, shading him in a very accurate way, as he does.

“It only concerns you,” Dandelion repeated slowly. “You don’t need anybody. Company impedes you and slows down your journey. You don’t expect help from anybody and you have no intention of relying on anybody. Furthermore, you love solitude. Have I forgotten anything?”

And Geralt’s response shows us how badly Dandelion’s injury had him fucked up. He replies to Dandelion:

“Had that arrow passed an inch to the right, you idiot, the rooks would be pecking out your eyes now. You’re a poet and you’ve got an imagination; so try imagining a scene like that...”

That arrow, that close call on Dandelion's life really shook Geralt. Though he always worried about them, Dandelion’s injury was the inciting event for him to try to push away his friends in order to protect them. But of course no one leaves him. They make him sit down and chop vegetables for the iconic fish stew scene. Ok, now back to the ‘everyone is proud of Dandelion for his injury’ trope.

The group reunites with Zoltan Chivay, their dwarf friend, and he shouts and embraces Dandelion. 

“Dandelion, alive and kicking, even if your skull is bandaged! And what do you say, you bloody busker, about this latest melodramatic banality? Life, it turns out, isn’t poetry! And do you know why? Because it’s so resistant to criticism!”

I love how all of these warrior/soldier/badass types love to tease him about being a poet. It’s the kind of teasing that shows affection and indicates that they consider him part of their group, even though his gifts are different than theirs. Then later, Milva talks about how she misjudged Dandelion and how he is a hero.

“I saw how Dandelion puts on a brave face: but thought him weak, soft, not used to hardship. I was just waiting for him to give up and we’d have to offload him...Now just look: Dandelion’s the hero...”

But of course, Dandelion cannot just be cool about the attention he’s getting. He has to make ballads about himself.

Dandelion followed behind Regis and Geralt on Pegasus, with a bandaged head and a warlike mien. As he rode, the poet composed a heroic ballad...the song clearly implied that the author and performer had been the bravest of the brave during the adventures.

The man just cannot. Be. Cool. About it. But I think it’s cute they all let him preen and they don't tell him to stfu about a damn grazing of the head. XD That's true friendship. True love.

So, can I tell you about what really really gets me about that bit though? 

Geralt, our main character, has been abused and traumatized in every way imaginable. He has been tortured, assaulted, discriminated against, experimented on, beat to shit, and people are always trying to kill him. 

In my experience, people who are traumatized can sometimes resent people who have had an easier life. They can begrudge other people their comparative innocence, freedom, or ignorance. It’s human. It happens. 

So when there is a fictional character (Geralt) who is that traumatized, and they meet someone comparatively sheltered (Dandelion has been beaten for sure, but it's hard to compete with Geralt's experience with harrowing violence), and instead of resenting that person, their instinctive emotional reaction is an undying, almost pathological determination to protect the more sheltered person, that gets to me. It hits me directly where I live.

The compassion and empathy it takes to have a wound like a crater and instead of begrudging other people their relative safety, you dedicate your life to preventing them from getting a scratch, that is profound. And when I see it in a fictional character, I fall in love with them. That’s it. I just hand them my heart. It also sort of implies to me a sense of vulnerability. An instinctive desire for healing. When you can heal someone else and it makes you feel good, isn’t that like wanting healing for yourself? It makes me ache.

Girl help, I’m in my feelings again about Geralt of Rivia.

Dandelion helps Geralt Sew His Wounds

Now, the fanon of Jaskier patching up Geralt is not on the page in book canon. He must have helps him with smaller injuries from time to time, just by sheer necessity given how many years they travel together. And while he hates murder and gore, I imagine he can handle small wounds. But that isn’t on the page.

CORRECTION: AND IT IS ON THE PAGE.

Thanks to a lovely reader/observant anon who reminded me AND hunted down the passage, it is mentioned at least once that Dandelion helps Geralt with suturing a wound. In Sword of Destiny p227:

" Just before the girl arrived, Geralt had poured a coagulating elixir on his mutilated forearm, and boosted it with an anaesthetic elixer, and Essi had caught them just as he and Dandelion were suturing the wound using a fishing line tied to a hook."

Now, other times, when Geralt is very probably-would-have-been mortally wounded (after the striga, or after the redacted), Jaskier is not physically present, and once someone else helps Geralt because they are much better equipped to do so. On the page, it is always usually women who put Geralt back together: priestesses, sorceresses, or dryad healers. 

The women in Geralt’s life challenge him in various ways, and their respect is sometimes hard earned. But they are always there when he needs them. They are all powerful or learned healers. And Yennefer specifically tries to think of his health. She indirectly pressures people to pay Geralt more for jobs so he has more of wages for medical expenses. It is touching, AND really important how it places Geralt and witchers as part of the working class.

Dandelion constantly defends Geralt. Geralt is his specialest boye. But he never bandages Geralt in the books. And he also canonically helps him suture his wounds.

So, this one is 50/50. Half canon half fanon. It's canon, folks.

ALSO, that story, (A Little Sacrifice, which is a short story in Sword of Destiny) is PEAK domestic Geraskier/Gerlion. They pool their money and get in brawls together, and they share a bed and clothing. They also philosophize, psychoanalyze each other, bicker, and swear not to leave each other when they get into trouble out on a hunt. If you don't want to, or can't read the books, I recommend that one short story.

The "male gaze" is heavy (most people's critique of The Witcher books is very true) in that story. The mermaids breasts are described at least twice every time she makes an appearance. But the story IS really fucking delightful and you get so much insight into Geralt and his friendship with Dandelion is in top form. Also, I adore Essi, and she is in that story.

Anyway, thanks again to the eagle eyed anon. I usually try to qualify "that is not in the books" with "that I remember" since my brain is so fallible. But I really thought I would have noticed something like that! Goes to show.

And I think it's HYSTERICAL that the ONE time I write that Gerlion DON'T entirely behave like they're in a fanfic, is the time that I'm wrong XD.

[marshmedow]

Adeuce Head-canons!

Mostly because I can’t find any head-canons of just the two without Yuu.

Be the change you want to see, right?

Ace calls Deuce Babe, Baby, and My Love. He also sometimes calls him Sweetheart.

Deuce used a pet name for Ace once (It was baby). He didn’t like the way it sounded when he said it, so he never used any ever again. Ace thought it was cute and tries to get Deuce to use them again.

Ace will just throw some of his clothes at Deuce when he’s getting dressed so that Deuce will wear them. Deuce usually just wears it without complaint.

Ace is the more jealous one in the relationship. Deuce doesn’t understand flirting and relationships enough to be jealous when other people hit on Ace.

They never actually had a moment where they confessed to each other. Deuce just kinda referred to Ace as his boyfriend one day and Ace was too confused to object. Ace did check to confirm if they were boyfriends and Deuce just went, “No. We’re husbands.” And then they just went with that. Mostly as a joke, but a little part of each of them did wish to be married one day.

Deuce plays violin and Ace plays guitar. Not really a couple head-canon, but oh well. They play together and make fun of each other when the strings pop.

How history class goes is Ace sleeps through the lessons and Deuce takes notes. Ace looks over Deuces notes later at the dorm and explains the content back to Deuce, strengthening both of their knowledge on the material.

Deuce likes to draw little spades all over Ace’s arm and hand. It pissed Ace off at first, but now he just deals.

Ace’s love language is Physical Touch and Deuce’s is Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

Ace tries to explain basketball to Deuce and Deuce just does not know a damn thing Ace is saying. Well, he does, but he pretends he doesn’t so he can make stupid jokes.

Deuce likes kissing Ace’s cheek. Ace doesn’t mind, but still gets really flustered. Ace doesn’t really kiss Deuce much, except for actually kissing him on the lips. But, in terms of like kissing his cheek or hand, he doesn’t really do it because Ace is always touching Deuce in some way or another, so kisses are kinda unnecessary.

Ace is the big spoon. Just because Ace is always pulling Deuce into his arms so they can be closer. Physical touch things.

Also, Ace’s favorite thing to do is put his elbow on Deuce’s shoulder and kinda hang off of him like that. Deuce doesn’t really care that much, he’s used to Ace’s antics.

Deuce punched Ace in the face once, then started crying because he hurt Ace. Ace didn’t know what to do. On one hand, his face hurt. On the other, it was his fault for talking shit and his boyfriend(husband) was crying. Ultimately, Ace held him and accepted Deuce’s many apologies.

I need someone to write me a story where someone is flirting with Deuce (ya know, cuz he’s gorgeous) and Deuce is just confused. Ace then proceeds to kick unnamed student’s ass while Deuce is even more confused than he was before (he is also now concerned). Please. My birthday is coming up. XD

See ya!

[twotangledsisters]

"Cass dies in the Great Tree" Is the title literal? Or does it mean something else?

Do you have a piece of history made? Anything you could share? That title and that "Shot" made me curious

Funnily enough... it's not literal but because Cass actually dies AFTER leaving the tree XD so not in the Great Tree.

But yeah, it's not a title to keep. If I don't have a title I just put down the concept until I figure one out!

It's an AU where Cass touching Rapunzel has a much bigger consequence and the gang tries to get her help before it's too late but can't. And Rapunzel and company have to deal with both the guilt of not listening to Cass about the tree being dangerous, but also the consequences, things like, writing home to Corona to let Captain know...

It's only meant to be short but it's another case of... how in the world do I end this little bit of angst?

Here's a few snippets of what's already written :D

In the sunlight the extent of Cassandra’s injury became clear, an almost burnt like black texture covered her arm, her fingernails were gone, her fingers didn’t look like fingers. “Cassandra…” Rapunzel stared. Cassandra took a few deep breaths. “Is everybody alive?” Eugene looked around, leaning heavily on Lance, the decay incantation has taken a lot out of him but he could count. “Yeah… Yeah, for now,” he tried to joke. “Does your hand hurt, Cass?” Cassandra looked up at Rapunzel, tears were in her eyes, something Rapunzel had never seen from her usually strong friend. “That’s a yes…” Eugene answered. “I think I need help…” She whispered. Rapunzel nodded. “Don’t worry, Cass, we’re going to get you to the closest town with a doctor! Right, guys?” Nods and the gang got into action, packing what belongings they had left, Fidella knelt down next to Cassandra and Eugene moved to look at the injury, but it was like nothing he’d ever seen before and he didn’t know how to help.

Cassandra rested on Fidella’s back. Her breathing was shallow, and she lacked all of her usual stability. She was so shaky that Lance and Eugene were standing on either side of Fidella, ready to catch the woman if she fell. Her right arm was completely limp at this point, the blackness which had started with her hand had spread upwards, now reaching past her elbow and towards her shoulder. It wouldn’t be long until it reached a more crucial part of her body. Rapunzel was walking way up ahead, her eyes on the horizon, she hurried as much as she could hoping the next town would come into view already so they could locate a doctor’s office and get Cassandra the help she needed. Rapunzel didn’t know what she’d do if things got worse.

Cassandra lay in the bed with the white sheets, her arm resting atop the sheets. Her arm didn’t even look like an arm at this point and the fact her breathing was so painful told her the blackness had reached her lungs. The past few days were a blur of pain and tears. Rapunzel was inconsolable, not even Eugene could calm her down. Right now Rapunzel was asleep in the chair to the left and Eugene was sitting to Cassandra’s right. He’d been annoyingly quiet these past few days, no bad jokes or stupid comments. Cassandra hated it, but she also understood. “Eugene,” she whispered. His eyes moved to meet hers. “Yes?” “If I don’t—” “Don’t.” Eugene’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head. Cassandra smiled. “Scared?” Eugene didn’t know what to respond. “Just… In case,” she whispered. “If I don’t make it, tell my father I love him, alright?” Eugene nodded.

The sun was rising and neither Eugene nor Rapunzel had managed a word more than ‘To the Captain of Corona’s Royal Guard’. How do you tell a man his daughter’s dead? Sending a letter felt wrong. But waiting for them to get home rather than tell him immediately felt worse. “How could this happen?” Rapunzel didn’t have an answer. “Two days ago she was fighting our enemies and now she’s gone.” “Magic…” Rapunzel whispered, her fingers going through her hair. “I guess… I guess it doesn’t just bring stuff back… Sometimes it takes stuff away.” She took a deep breath as tears ran down her face. “Eugene… This is all my fault.” “No, no, I agreed with you, we all did except Cassandra.” “But she was right.” “But it’s not all your fault. I could have sided with her. But I… I didn’t. I never sided with Cass.”

[blackjackkent]

So. Very large building with statues that look like THIS outside of it:

My initial guess was that this was Cazador's mansion, but it turns out it is the antiques shop that hides the portal to the hells!

So I guess we're taking a break from sidequesting and going to get the Hammer! ^_^

Super cute banter between Karlach and Jaheira as we wander up towards the door:

"So, erm, Jaheira. Do you like to... that is, what do you like to do?" "As in... hobbies? Oh. [pause] Well... I like to play music? I suppose?" "I'm just picturing you strumming on a harp so hard the strings snap and trying not to shriek. What do you play?" "Eh. Mostly the same children's rhyme, on a battered whistle of tin. I do not get a lot of time to practice. Oh, spare me the sad eyes, girl. Not every daily deed is worthy of song! Certainly none I can play."

I love them. XD

I'm very torn here, because realistically, Hector does not want to force Karlach into the Hells, even for this temporary raid on the House of Hope, but I as the player want her along at all times for any potential Romance Content.

So we're going to start out by bringing her but if she makes sad puppy eyes too aggressively we will switch her out for Shadowheart.

It's a rather elaborate but nice looking shop.

The lady at the front gives Hector a bright smile as he approaches.

"I welcome thee to the Devil's Fee, where every hellish curio's a rarity! So merry be and shop with glee!

"Oh, no," Karlach mumbles under her breath with a groan. "Definitely something up with this one. Trust me."

Hector always trusts her, so he is giving the shopkeep a very careful lookover as he inquires, "Did you help Lord Gortash retrieve some hellish curios by any chance?"

The shopkeep's expression remains admirably still, but Hector can see her eyes narrow sharply.

"You must be awfully familiar with our esteemed Archduke to know about a thing like that," she says smoothly.

"We were lovers," Hector says, in his driest deadpan. "It was all very steamy."

Behind him he hears Karlach choke on a sudden fit of laughter (which was, of course, his intention).

"My," the shopkeeper says, raising an eyebrow. "What a juicy morsel. I didn't think he liked your type. Anyway..." She shrugs one shoulder carelessly. "You seek answers, Lord Mammon seeks coin. I will happily mediate - make me an offer."

The laughter dies from Karlach's eyes at once. "Mammon," she snaps. "I knew it. I did!"

Hector considers. Any devil Karlach makes that face about (which is all of them, presumably) isn't one that he's entirely interested in making deals with. He's not short on gold if it comes to that, but it couldn't hurt to try a different approach first. [MONK] "Material wealth is a vain illusion," he says gravely. "If you seek meaning and purpose, try compassion - give us a hint."

This time it's Jaheira who snickers softly at his elbow.

The shopkeeper rolls her eyes. "You're telling me wealth is an illusion? What part of 'Mammon worshipper' do you not understand? You want answers, you pay. Just like everyone else. Mammon is nothing if not egalitarian."

Well, it was worth a shot.

"Here's 100 gold," Hector says wearily, slapping ten platinum coins on the countertop.

The woman smiles slyly. "Hmm. The King of Avarice accepts your humble offering," she says, sliding the coins off the counter and into her pocket in a single smooth motion. "You stand before Mammon's Picklock. Latchkeeper of the Nine Hells. My business is not information, nor hellish curious, not really. I break people into the Hells. That's my thing." She shrugs. "I can reveal to you that I opened a portal for Lord Gortash."

Now they're getting somewhere. "Where in the hells did the portal go?" Hector asks.

The shopkeep smiles broadly. "My word, this is embarrassing; perhaps I should have explained our terms better. You asked what I did for Lord Gortash, you paid the fee, and I answered you. Our pact is complete. Would you like to make another transaction?"

Hector feels a muscle in his temple start to twitch. Clenching his jaw, he pulls out another hundred gold and sets them on the counter.

"Oh, yes, I should think that'll do deliciously," she says brightly. "Lord Gortash wanted to steal something from Mephistopheles, so I punched a portal into the Archdevil's dusty vaults. And then I... Gosh, my fickle memory fails. If only something would jog it."

She holds out a hand to him expectantly.

Hector sighs, reaches into his pocket, puts down another hundred gold. Infuriating, this - he's out three hundred gold and hasn't even gotten to the main question they came to ask. Not that the gold matters much to him per se, except insofar as if he runs out, he won't be able to ask more questions.

She snorts. "I mean... I suppose that'll do. Stingy bastard." She pockets the latest round of coin and lounges back on her heels. "Gortash stole the Crown of Karsus. Pissed off Mephistopheles, but rather intrigued another devil by the name Raphael. His house of Hope is furnished with a great deal of treasures, many related to Karsus. But, alas, he lacks the crown itself."

She raises her eyebrows pointedly. "He's rather ambitious. One can only wonder what he has planned for the Crown. The answers to that can probably be found within his house..."

Karlach grins savagely. "Let's poke around the rat's nest. Maybe set it on fire on the way out."

Hector relaxes a little. Finally they're talking to the point - and Karlach is on board with coming along, which is a relief.

"Can you help me break into the House of Hope?" he asks. In spite of his irritation with the woman, his voice is still perfectly steady.

The shopkeep's eyebrows lift. "What a fascinating proposition!" she says brightly. "Ludicrous, of course, but fascinating nevertheless. Very well, if you wish to die in Avernus, that's your business. Mine is charging you for it." She sticks out a hand and gives him a significant glance. "Of course, such a task will require quite the substantial donation to Lord Mammon's coffers."

"Such a task would be tantamount to suicide," the Emperor whispers in Hector's mind. "Do not even entertain it."

The Emperor, of course, doesn't know the reasoning behind Hector's plans here. It doesn't know this is the first step in Hector's betrayal. Better, then, that it think for now that Hector is simply being foolish, reckless, entirely unlike any way the Emperor has seen him act before. Perhaps it thinks Hector has finally snapped, or is desperate to find something to save Karlach, or simply wishes to spite it. Anything, so long as it doesn't realize the truth.

(A/N: This requires TWENTY THOUSAND GOLD? TWENTY THOUSAND? Sheesh. We currently are sitting at around 6k, so this is going to take some doing if Hector can't talk her down. We have two options here, a [ROGUE][PERSUASION] and an [INTIMIDATION]; neither of them are particularly characteristic for Hector but the former works because he has definitely had some practice breaking into things at this point and the latter works because he is Incredibly Irritated with this woman by now. We'll start with the persuasion, though, because it asks for free passage rather than just half price.

...And Hector critted it on the first try. XD)

"I'm a skilled thief," he says, as casually as he can manage. "Give me free passage; I'll bring you back a 'souvenir.'"

She tilts her head thoughtfully. "You put me in a difficult position, mortal. You are almost certain to fail. Almost. And so there is a chance you might succeed." She purses her lips. "Fine. I'd like to be able to carry all of my precious stock without the need of a team of oxen. There are Gauntlets of Hill Giant Strength within the House of Hope. Free passage, and you fetch them for me. Deal?"

(A/N: Well, shit. This would be a good deal except HECTOR WANTS THOSE GAUNTLETS HIMSELF - my guess is that would relieve of us of our dependence on popping hill giant strength potions once a day. So this won't work. I'm going to have him turn down the deal and take a look around and see if we can maybe figure out how to do this without this lady's help.)