#my favourite teacher paragraph

[writingwithfolklore]

How to Nail your School Essays

                Not to brag, but I’m kind of a big deal when it comes to essays at my school. Since I started highschool I haven’t received a grade less than 90% on an essay—so I’m here to share my secret. This works for the classic essay, but you can also use the same advice and fit it to formal reports or other academic writing.

1. Your essay is about 2 things, demonstrated 3 or more times

This is how I’ve always thought about essays. They’re about two ideas, demonstrated as many times as you need to fill the wordcount. Shakespeare + Feminism, Media + Truth versus Misconception, etc. etc. If you’re lucky, your teacher or prof will give you one of your elements. You’ll get assignments like, “write an essay about Hamlet” or “write an essay about the American dream” lucky you, that’s your first thing—now you need to connect it with another.

This connecting idea is my favourite part because you just get to choose a concept or idea you’re interested in. Here’s a tip, if your first/given topic is something concrete, choose an abstract connecting idea. If your given topic is something abstract, choose a concrete.

So, Hamlet (concrete) could be paired with any abstract concept: Loyalty, Truth, Feminism, etc.

However, if your prof gives you something like, “truth” or “race theory”, you’ll find it much easier to connect that with a more concrete thing, like a book, movie, or other piece of media, or even a specific person.

If you are luckiest, your prof will give you both things, “write about the American Dream in The Great Gatsby” in this case, you’re onto the next stage.

2. Stick to the formula

Tried, tested, true. Nothing wrong with a formula, especially not when it gives you A+ grades. Typical essay structure is:

Intro with thesis

2. 1st Body

2a. Evidence that proves it 1

2i. Justify its relevance

2b. Evidence that proves it 2

2ii. Justify its relevance

Etc.

3. 2nd Body

3a. Evidence that proves it

3i.Justification

Etc.

4. 3rd Body

4a. Rise and repeat, you know where this is going.

5. Some may argue…

6. Conclusion

Let’s break it down.

Thesis:

                Thesis completely outlines all your points, or the three+ places you’re demonstrating your connection, and why it matters.

                Here is an intro + thesis I wrote a couple years ago:

“This literature review will explore the impacts influencer marketing has on the children that regularly consume social media content. Specifically, this review will focus on how influencers can impact children’s brand preferences, dietary choices, and lastly, the influx of children taking advantage of this system and becoming influencers themselves.”

Or

“Burned discusses the human aspect of sex work and reverses reader’s expectations on sex workers, while Not in My Neighbourhood discusses prostitutes as victims of a system created against them. Both challenge readers’ perceptions of sex workers, effectively drawing attention to the ethics of displacing sex workers from their cities.”

                So you have your connection (children and social media)/(Burned and Not in My Neighbourhood and sex work), and the different ways you plan on exploring or proving that idea (children’s brand preferences, dietary choices, children becoming influencers.) etc.

                You may also have a more specific stance in your thesis. Such as, “In Macbeth, ambition is shown to be Macbeth’s ultimate downfall in these three ways.”

The Body Paragraphs

                You start out every body paragraph with the point of the paragraph, or what it’s aiming to prove. Such as, “Influencers often include advertisements within their content, which can encourage children to feel more amiably to certain brands their favourite content creators endorse frequently more than others.”

                After this claim, you spend the rest of the paragraph further proving it through examples. This will look like citing a specific source (a book, academic journal, quote, etc.) such as, “The authors claim likeable influencers can associate their likeability with the products they use, influencing children’s perception of brands, referred to as ‘meaning transfer’ (De Veirman et al. 2019)” (super important to always cite these sources!)

                The last part is after each example/proof--you need to justify why this proves your point/is important. So, “This proves children are more influenced towards certain products depending on how close of a relationship they perceive to have with the influencer.”

                Typically, your evidence will all lead into each other so you can transition to the next piece of proof, then the justification, rinse and repeat until you’re finished your paragraph. You can have as many pieces of evidence as you want per paragraph, and the longer your word requirement, the more you’ll want to fit into each point (or the more bodies you want to have.)

                Piece of evidence + why it matters, rinse and repeat.

Some May Argue:

                This is a small paragraph just before your conclusion where you anticipate an argument your readers may have, and disprove it. So, for example, you’d start with, “Some may argue that with parent supervision, the impacts of influencers on children could be lessened or moot. However…” and then explain why they’re wrong. This strengthens your argument, and proves that you’ve really thought out your stance.

Conclusion:

                Lastly, you want to sum up all the conclusions you came to in a few sentences. Your last line is one of the most important (in my opinion). I call it the mic drop moment. Leaving a lasting impact on your reader can bring your essay from an A to an A+, so you really want to nail this final sentence.

                My final sentence was, “Ultimately, it is hard to know in advance how technology and social media will impact the development of children who have always grown up with some form of screen, but until they grow up, parents and caregivers need to take care in the content their children consume, and their very possible exploitation online.”

This sentence is backed by the entirety of the essay that came before it, and usually leaves a little something to chew on for the readers.

Any other tips I missed?

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

FINAL for real this time: Davis (Juror 8) from Twelve Angry Men vs the Bimodal Distribution from statistics

Propaganda under the cut, and it's REALLY worth it:

Davis (Juror 8) (these are all from the single submitter)

a quick lil list babes, and I apologise for all of this in advance:

He's from the fucking film 12 angry men. like, aside from letterbox bootlickers and middle school hass students NO ONE has watched this film let alone care about it, it was made in 1957, is shot almost exclusively in one room and the entire film is just middle aged white men yelling at each other over whether some not white poor kid should be sent to the electric chair. what the fuck.

Henry Fonda, the actor, was 52 years old at the time of filming

Henry Fonda is the father of Jane Fonda, the woman who would revolutionise the 80's with her home workouts and her blindingly neon leg warmers.

His name wasn't revealed until the very end of the film and even then it's just "Davis."

I could honestly give him a lil smooch

He's absolutely not girlypop but he's the ally-iest ally who's ever allied

He's categorised as a "Benevolent Leader" on the Heroes Wiki

instead of the overwhelming urge for me to coddle him like most all other blorbos, i would appreciate it switched

I have a photo of him inside my saxophone case and sometimes i forget he's in there, then he creeps into my saxophone bell and when I play it he shoots out like a ballistic missile

Dude, on ao3 there's more fanfiction about the real life 80's British punk band The Clash than the entire film of 12 angry men, let alone Davis (80 fics come up under the clash, while 10 come up for 12 angry men)

I have a counter, and I've watched 12 Angry men a total of 145 times. The figure is up on my wall in tallies. whenever the number goes up, I like to watch it in 5's so then I can put another full group of tallies on my wall.

I have incredibly detailed stories about how Davis would boogie down to ringo starr's solo career, and they're written within the margins of a book called Tobruk written by Peter Fitzsimons. The only reason I reread that book is to wonder at my elaborate works of fiction

My HASS teacher was the one to introduce me to 12 Angry Men as he played it for the entire class. He gave us a set of questions to complete on the film and a few Law based questions as a little treat, and he expected it to be handed in the next day. What he didn't expect was an 11 page monster of a response that included social commentary, 4 paragraphs dissecting the character of Davis alone, deeply discussed comparisons between the landscapes of politics and law in the 50's to the present, and basically an entire point-for-point summarisation of the film, completed with obscure quotes from Truman, Eisenhower, Nixon and Presley (Elvis). He presented the printed masterpiece in front of the entire class to shame me.

After class he explained how his favourite Juror would either be 6 or 5, because 6 seems like a big dumb teddybear and he just liked 5. I explained how I liked Davis because he didn't want to send a kid to die, then he told me how Davis would make a good cowboy (at this point in time I was unaware of Henry Fonda's role in Once Upon A Time in The West) and I proceeded to go home and write a 3 part orchestral composition that I could pretend would play as the soundtrack to Juror 8: A Cowboy's Tale or something like that

I had started to make an animation meme starring Davis but only gave up when photoshop literally deleted itself from my laptop

I didn't even hear that Juror 8's name was Davis when I first watched it in class, somehow I only heard it on my 6th rewatch but when I did I literally got so excited I literally got winded and cried a little bit, I had to take a panadol because I got so lightheaded

I have learned the musical motif that plays throughout the film on saxophone, clarinet, recorder, guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and trumpet

I have visions of him

One of Davis' 3 children HAS to be gay and nothing can convince me otherwise

honest to god I'd be a home wrecker if it came to him

I quote not only Davis but the film a lot, and sometimes in the dead silence of all my friends I go on about how the old man couldn't have possibly made it to the door in such a short amount of time to see the kid running down the stairs (because the old man has a limp, and Davis proved it my limping around the room, which I have to say was incredibly attractive of him)

He's literally an architect

I once had a dream where Davis was in my bass guitar case when I opened it, and i literally just picked him up and started picking him like a bass guitar until I tried to play a full chord and he bit the hand that was meant to be on the fretboard. I dropped him and he fell on his ass, and when I said "what the hell dude what was that for" he said bass chords are lowkey ugly to listen to, and since then i don't like playing bass chords because now they're lowkey ugly to listen to. before this ordeal, i enjoyed them, but alas

i once got my romantic partner to write me a davis x reader fanfiction as a birthday present

my parents believe that Davis is my first celebrity crush, and while they're actually wrong it's still actually so embarrassing they believe that because OH MY GOD it's literally JUROR 8 FROM 12 ANGRY MEN

I've attempted slam poetry about him

I've eaten a paper printed full a4 size photo of his hand

I would also not mind him to be literally my father, but given the rest of the things I've just said about him that's really weird and I recognise that

the Bimodal Distribution

First of all, it's a math concept. that is already pretty bizarre of a thing to be blorbo-ifying. Second of all, I don't know any calculus, and I don't consider myself a math person (because I hate arithmetic), but I really like this guy for some reason. I mean this graph clearly holds the secrets of the universe. don't you just want to l o o k at it . like you could solve everything in the world with that boy

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 📜

Before my new schoolyear starts I want to write a guide on how I am going to keep up with all my subjects. I will also include my study habits for this year, since they make sure I have the time and mindset in order to properly study.

𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕕𝕪 𝕙𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤:

🪷 I prelearn for every subject (except old Greek and Latin). That means I study the concepts before class, so I can use class for revision and ask all my questions.

🪷 Make a week overview of what needs to be done, then decide every morning what schoolwork to focus on. This way it's easier to adjust to unexpected plans.

🪷 When summarizing, I make sure I understand everything that I write down. If I don't, I will search for more information until I can explain it in my own words!

🪷 Nothing gets me in the mood to study, like making tea. I will make herbal tea or a matcha latte while grabbing everything I need to study after school.

𝕃𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟/ 𝕆𝕝𝕕 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕜:

🪷 The last few years I haven't studied a lot of words, to make up for it, I want to pay a little bit of extra attention to studying words. If I know more words, translating will go way easier since I won't have to search up every word in the dictionary. On school days and Sundays, I will study words for 10 minutes a day for either old Greek or Latin. I will study the words using Studygo (huge recommendation for other Dutch folks).

🪷 Another thing I lack with both subjects is my knowledge about grammar. And this is a HUGE problem while doing homework, translating texts and for finishing tests on time. I know how to use grammar, but I don't know most of it by heart. So I will study grammar for 10 minutes a day for both subjects on schooldays and Sundays until I've caught up. From then on, I will only occasionally memorize grammar. Studying grammar consists of literary saying it aloud like some song or poem until I know it well enough and then writing it down way too many times.

🪷 I also want to practise translating more. Since this is the most important skill for both subjects and I haven't done most of my work for the past years, I will make up for it by practising easier texts. Every Sunday, I will translate an extra paragraph for each subject that I will let my teachers correct the following Monday. I will do this until I am satisfied with my translating abilities.

🪷 This year I want to make all my homework for old Greek and Latin. Past years I skipped most of the work, and now I notice that I need more practise. I will study a few days before a test, but nothing more.

𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕙:

🪷 I love maths (controversial opinion, I know). But I believe that when you understand maths, you will love it! But how do you understand it? You should memorize the basics. When you study about a specific topic, watch or read an explanation and make notes. Make sure to make space in the notes for the basics, like concepts you've already learned that has a connection with your new topic. In order to make sure I know how to properly use the topic, I will solve or write down the solution of a practise question next to an explanation as to who I took that step. If I were to get really lost later on, I can follow these steps, but with the new question. Then the most important thing: Practise a lot! Even if it's hard at first. The more problems you solve, the more problems you get. You don't want to waste time when you don't know what to do. So read the question and start thinking what you need to do to solve it. If you genuinely don't have an any idea, look at the solution. But, you won't just look at the solution, you will study it, you look at the steps they take and ask yourself with every step why they took that specific step. When you are done studying the answer, make the question again. I personally write down the questions I struggled with most, to practise them again for my exam!

ℙ𝕙𝕪𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤:

🪷 Physics is my favourite and one of my best subjects. I always start out with summarizing the concepts in my own words. The biggest problem I have with physics is understanding all the concepts that I can use them together. To make sure I get everything, I summarize. The parts I do not understand, I will watch a video about. Then I start with making exercises, I will look through the exercises and make at least one about every concept. I will make more about the concepts that didn't go well, until I get them right. To prepare for tests, I read through my summary and make lots of practise questions. I will revise everything that didn't go well and remake the questions that went wrong.

ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕪:

🪷 When studying chemistry, I mainly try to focus on practise. I would start out with reading the learning outcomes and then actively the entire text. I mark thing I find important, write the questions down that come to mind when reading, and connect information. Then I make a small summary in the format of a mind map. I write down only the most important concepts. Then I start making a lot of exercises about the concept, until I can do them comfortably and without mistakes. Afterwards, I make flashcards using the learning outcomes. By doing this afterwards I make sure I know the best way to answer, and with chemistry lots of question come up while doing the work. When studying for a test, I use the flashcards and remaking the questions I struggled most with.

𝔻𝕦𝕥𝕔𝕙:

🪷 This year I'm preparing for my Dutch finals. To work on my skill, I mainly have to make past finals. I really want to make a summary about all the concepts that come back on the finals. But other that, we mainly have exercises that I can't prepare in advance for. I do really want to expand my vocabulary, because it makes me feel fancy. I should start reading the news more, that way I will also be more informed about the world.

𝔼𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕙:

🪷 This year I am taking a Cambridge English exam. My goal is to score a C-Level (advanced). In order to do this I must work on my grammar, vocabulary, writings and listening. I will tackle each property with a guide on how to get better at them.

🪷 My grammar is pretty good, my only problem. I don't know the actual rules. When writing, having a grammatical correct structure kind of happens on its own. Most of the time, that's very helpful, but when I have to point out mistakes in high quality or older texts, I can't. In order to work on this, I would recommend using an actual book. The one I'm starting out with this year is "Advanced Grammar in Use with Answers' from Martin Hewings. I will work through it by reading the theory, using it on my own, and then making the exercises in the book.

🪷 To expand my vocabulary I will write down new words I see when interacting with English content and books and study them. The goal is to learn 30 words a week. I will add all the words to an anki list, so that I can keep practising older words.

🪷 During the proficiency exam it's expected from you that you are able to write formal letters, essays, reports and reviews. To practise, I will write one of these a week and ask my teacher for feedback. I will also use the writing site from Cambridge, where they I've you a writing a prompt, and you can submit your text and let them corrected by professionals. For people who are not able to ask their teacher for help, I would recommend using ChatGPT. Although this is not ideal, it will still help you improve.

🪷 By listening to a daily podcast in English, I will practise my listening skills. It's very important to practise your English listening skills without visual guidance. Of course watching movies will help you improve, but if you want to improve in the shortest amount of time, you need to listen to audios.

ℍ𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪:

🪷 I personally find history one of the easiest subjects to study. I study history by chapter and not by paragraph. I always read through the entire chapter and then make a timeline with all the information. So I will include all the concepts, names and everything else in my timeline. Then I will study it by talking through it like I am teaching someone. Every time I miss something while explaining, I will memorize it again. I write down all the most important concepts down a few times, so I will remember how they are spelled and don't make any mistakes on my test! I don't make many exercises since they don't really help me that much. But if I have the time and energy, I make a few of the questions that were asked on previous finals.

𝔹𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕪:

🪷 Biology is a very information heavy subject, and I find that it's pretty easy to get lost in all the concepts. I have a pretty strict guide for myself, so I can study biology in the least amount of time. I will start out by reading the learning outcomes for the paragraph, so I know what the most important things are. Then I start actively reading through the paragraph. I mark thing I find important, write the questions down that come to mind when reading, and connect information. Afterwards, I will summarize everything in a mind map. Not just one mind map for every chapter, but one for every group of concepts that fit together well. These mind maps are very big and have all the relevant information, that's why you should minimize the amount of topics on a mind map, because otherwise it won't fit. Then I make the most important exercises and start studying the summaries by pretending that I'm giving a presentation about them, everything that I forget to mention I will memorize again. The day before the test, I will write down the explanation of all the learning outcomes from memory and correct them. Lastly, l review all the concepts that I lacked in.

Be sure to like, comment and reblog! If you like my content, consider buying me a book. <3 Sending you all the love, ~ Pearl 🐚

[aurae-rori]

HI NEW MUTUAL, UR COOL AF

can't wait to reblog ur poems from now on 💪

i asked in the comment section but i think it's better through here wHO IS MR RATIO LIKE I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT NAME BEFORE AND UR WRITING POEMS FROM HIM WHAT-

tho i should take after you, since im meaning to write poetry for characters myself

So, Who is Dr. Ratio? (copy pasted from my intensive paragraphs in the comments.)

he's my dad! boogie Woogie Woogie- on a more serious note he is a scholar and teacher who has serious implied academic trauma and suffers with self esteem. he's lowkey chuuyacore because he cares for people in a way that is "brash" but his ultimate goal is to cure idiocy from the world. so basically he wants to teach people who never got an opportunity to learn.

also has issues about not being let into this organization called the "genius society" because he was called a genius for his entire life. the god of knowledge did not acknowledge him or let him into the society, and it kind of made his whole self esteem go crash. however the reason why ratio wasn't let into the society is because he is too human to be a genius. but he also feels alienated from people due to his intelligence. his empathy and love for humans holds him back from being a "genius".

and i am so fucking miserable about how he seems to hate himself yet loves everything else unconditionally. "dandelion garden" is about dr ratios perspective on the guy i ship him with, however i have a poem dedicated to how he sees himself too. my favourite goober even if he has a goofy name!

I ALSO THINK THAT YOU ARE COOL AF!!! i will be dropping poetry fr for you 🔥🔥🔥🔥

also this is my dad real not fake

[that-ari-blogger]

Something... new? (Moment of Truth)

Here is a question. In a story about repetition, where the central threat is the cycle happening again, where the very concept of the narrative is that trauma and abuse echo in on themselves… how do you tell an interesting story?

Like, on a general level, stories are about change, so something that is, by its nature, formulaic, would probably be inconducive to storytelling. Right?

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power disagrees with this premise in a weird way. The third season of the series has been questioning the formula in increasingly outlandish way. The first episode gave the same story but with a twist at the end, the second dissected the formula itself by examining the foundation it is built on, and the third flipped the direction of the spiral for a time.

Moment Of Truth features, overwhelmingly, some of the most skill on display that the series will have at all. This isn’t a fan favourite episode, but it is genuinely incredible craft.

However, it is important to understand that this episode doesn’t do anything new. Every moment in this episode, bar the last two minutes, has happened before in the series.

All Moment Of Truth does to iterate on the formula, is take events of consequence, and place them immediately after one another. This episode messes with internal context, and it causes the tipping point of the series.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

One thing that I thought was interesting, upon rewatching this episode, is how few and far between the jokes are.

The series has a very distinct sense of humour and uses it in an extremely specific way. This is essentially a story about abuse, trauma, and war, which are objectively pretty heavy things. But it is also aimed at younger audiences, so it cushions each of its heavy blows with a joke.

This is why the character of Madam Razz is the most important character in the series. Her kookiness combined with her wisdom allows her to discuss some truly confronting and uncomfortable topics with grace and good nature. The humour is what makes this show approachable.

This is also why Aabria Iyengar’s style of game mastering for TTRPGs is so fascinating to watch. And, though I can’t verify that she is fun to play with since I have never played at her table (@quiddie please), her fellow cast members in Dimension 20 and Critical Role seem like they are having a good time. Essentially, she balances out heaviness with entertainment, effectively artificially shifting up the Garfunkel threshold of the players she is GMing for.

For context to the absolute mess that was that last paragraph. The phrase “Garfunkel threshold” is used by an English teacher that I had a few years ago and literally nobody else. It refers to the area of emotion where a person is out of their comfort zone, but not truly uncomfortable. Fun scary, essentially.

Back to She-Ra. Moment of Truth doesn’t waste time with jokes unless it really needs it. This episode runs at a breakneck pace, and only stops to give you breath at the last moment.

As a result, the jokes that this episode tells are really funny. Although, if they were told in a vacuum, they probably wouldn’t be. For example:

“You won't try to escape if I just pop out for a quick sec, will you?” “Uh... No?” “Okay, great, really appreciate it.”

This is iconic in the fandom, and for good reason. This is one of my two favourite jokes in the series. The other is also in this episode, weirdly enough.

But… it’s not that funny of a moment.

If you heard this conversation in any other episode of this show, maybe if Adora had been captured for a one-off episode like Catra was halfway through season two, this joke would maybe get a smirk, but not much more.

So why does it work?

One word: Context. This episode stresses you out like few other episodes of television can do, and a few seconds before this joke, it successfully makes you think that Entrapta will try to hurt Adora.

Instead, you get a moment to hold in the tension, then a piece of humour that is utterly incongruous with the tone of the episode so far, and you have to laugh.

This is the same premise behind the humour in Alien, directed by Ridley Scott and written by Dan O’Bannon. That film has some incredible one liners that allow the audience to breathe and excise some catharsis in what a pretty gritty plot would otherwise be.

The perfect example of what I’m talking about here isn’t actually that much of a joke. It’s literally half a second that abrasively interposes itself into the break in and forces it to stumble. But the build up gives it so much levity.

The scene is off the back of Glimmer’s teleportation and the tension of Angella trying to stop it, followed by the constant stress of how easily Shadow Weaver is playing Glimmer like a chess piece. Mermista makes a quiet comment on the décor, a moment of levity that Shadow Weaver deliberately undercuts. Then we loose Perfuma to a fight we can’t see, the uncertainty of which is more stressful than knowing definitively that she has been killed.

Then the gang runs into Lonnie and Rogelio, two formidable foes, but two foes they have outnumbered. Stress rises, then the music cuts out for barely a moment as Lonnie flicks the alarm lever that is right next to her

It’s not a joke, it’s a character making an eminently sensible decision in contrast to the entirety of the rest of the cast. But the musical cue pauses the tension of the scene for just enough time for you to give a brief laugh, then the scene resumes in earnest, and continues at its previous pace. It isn’t a lot, but it’s enough to keep the story fun.

Basically, the show is made up of seriousness and humour, and those are held together by a single piece of Velcro, and that is working overtime to a truly extraordinary degree.

Except, that isn’t true. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power doesn’t treat humour and earnestness as separate at all, they run together and punctuate each other.

The other main thing that this episode does is a perspective twist. Moment Of Truth is all about context, and so the events play through the views of unusual characters.

Case and point, Glimmer and co. have gone rogue to do their own thing countless times in this series, and every time they get back, Angella chastises them.

However, this is the first time we have witnessed Angella’s reaction to Glimmer’s disappearance, and we get a sense of desperation from her.

Angella doesn’t have to speak her thoughts out loud to let the audience know what is happening. She sees Glimmer has gone and immediately realises that she has gone rogue again, so she checks Shadow Weaver’s quarters, because she knows what her daughter will do in this situation.

Meanwhile, the shots of Glimmer are from Shadow Weaver’s perspective. Almost as if Shadow Weaver is positioning herself as a replacement mother figure for Angella.

I could comment on the animation of this scene, but my analysis there is very much limited to “oooh pretty”. Which is fine, but nothing anybody hasn’t said before.

So, instead, spoilers for the season three finale (skip to the next paragraph if you’re avoiding those), this is the last time Angella sees Glimmer, and she is powerless to stop her. Angella is a character riddled with guilt, and this will come up later when I discuss the finale.

Back to the episode at hand, a significant chunk of this episode is as told by Shadow Weaver, so we get the full breakdown of how terrifyingly competent she is at her designated skillset. Shadow Weaver is a manipulative character, and so she is playing chess with the plot of the entire series in a way that only one other character comes close to matching, and I’m going to start my discussion of that by discussing her powers.

Magic is a facet of narrative literalism, where a metaphor within a story becomes tangible. For example, Glimmer is impulsive, so she teleports around, jumping to conclusions without taking the time to walk. She is also stubborn, so her powers make her uncontainable.

Shadow Weaver, meanwhile, is a parasite. She has magical talent of her own, but in this episode, all she does is leach off Glimmer’s power to further her own ends.

In a series about freedom of autonomy, Shadow Weaver exists in contrast to Hordack. Where these characters focus on the freedom aspect to contain and confine their enemies, Shadow Weaver twists her victim’s autonomy and takes control of them in a way that is insidious and very realistic. She is like Light Hope, which is interesting.

That parasitic nature actually reflects into Shadow Weaver’s manipulative technique, as she never targets someone who is, for lack of a better term, strong. This is difficult to explain: Glimmer needs something, and Shadow Weaver positions herself as the answer. She finds someone who is at their lowest point, and makes them dependant on herself.

This is, fun fact, why Perfuma, Mermista, and Frosta are seemingly immune to her influence. I’m grasping at straws here for Frosta’s characterisation because she gets about two lines in the entire episode, but I’m onto something with Perfuma and Mermista.

Perfuma is a paragon hero who does not compromise in her beliefs. This causes trouble in the series, as is the nature of this story, but it means that in the several instances Shadow Weaver tries to get under her skin, Perfuma brushes it off. Perfuma considers what Shadow Weaver has to say, but keeps in mind at all times that she is an abuser and therefore not to be trusted.

Mermista, meanwhile, is the best character in the series and you cannot change my mind. In seriousness, Mermista is detached and cold, a strength which, like Perfuma’s ethics, causes conflict at other points in the series. However here, it means that we have a character who does not take Shadow Weaver seriously at all, meaning that her grandiose pontificating is meaningless. Mermista sees Shadow Weaver for what she is, a prisoner scabbling for scraps of power from someone else, and she sees an easy rout to stopping that.

Anyway, the interrogation scene.

There is a spotlight on Glimmer and Bow here. They are on a stage, and Shadow Weaver sits on a couch, watching them. They are performing for her. She is in control.

“You are smart, you want to stop the Horde, and you know I'm the only one who can help you do that. I must admit, I thought it would take you longer to speak with me.”

Shadow Weaver is easing Glimmer into thinking she has control. She compliments her, casually offering her own services as help to the princess. But she also positions herself as lower than Glimmer. The last line implies that she is surprised and that Glimmer has the upper hand, letting her into a false sense of security.

“His machine is complete? And they have Adora? We must hurry. If Hordak has the opportunity to open a portal, he will do so immediately. The Alliance will never get there in time – but perhaps...”

She is surprised again, apparently. Shadow Weaver has taken care to position herself as omnipotent, that’s why the compliment to Glimmer being unexpected is there.

Effectively, if the smart guy is outsmarted, they are on the back foot. If the smart guy is surprised, they are in danger.

So, Shadow Weaver emphasises the danger of the situation, stressing that the alliance’s inability to help. But wait… it just happened to occur to her, just now, that Glimmer might be able to fix this. She wasn’t planning this at all, it was spontaneous, and a piece of knowledge she doesn’t think would work.

Needless to say, I think Shadow Weaver is talking utter bollocks about this. For my evidence, I propose the following questions: If Shadow Weaver didn’t know about Adora’s capture, how does she know about the rebellion’s plans? Is it possible she is pulling facts out of her backside to further her own ends?

“I can make you stronger. I'm still the only sorceress who has ever been able to tap into a runestone. If you allow me to access your connection to the Moonstone, I can enhance your powers. You could teleport us all the way there.”

Here is Shadow Weaver’s gambit. She can solve the problem for Glimmer, she can give Glimmer the assistance she needs. It’s a Faustian bargain, and she doesn’t mention at all what she gains from this deal, that’s just something that slips her mind.

Of course, she could be doing this out of the goodness of her heart, kindness isn’t transactional, but this is Shadow Weaver we are talking about. Shadow Weaver exists on conditional affection and saw fit to make demands as a prisoner of war. I don’t think Shadow Weaver is the type of person to offer aid for nothing.

“I want to destroy Hordak.”

This is Shadow Weaver’s stated motivation, she says it again later on in the episode, and it is mainly used to distract Glimmer and give her a “an enemy of my enemy is my friend” type of bargain. But I’d like to examine this motivation a little bit, because I think she is lying about this as well.

In the end fight of the episode, Shadow Weaver casts two spells, both of which could have been aimed at Hordack, but neither are. Instead, she destroys the room, and she targets Catra. Shadow Weaver is a parasite, and a liar.

Which leads into Catra’s descent into madness, something that is told entirely from everyone else’s perspective. Until the end, but we will get there.

Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene. That is objectively what this is. The fact that this is magical is the only thing that let the writers get this through censorship. But I want to be clear here, this is not simply punishing misbehaviour, this is not tough love, this is not building strength. Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene.

This is a mirror of the scene in Promise, to the point where the spell is the same, and it is notable that it would have been easier to just zap Catra and leave her there, but Shadow Weaver decides to torture her.

And this scene is viewed from Glimmer’s perspective, showing her the true monster that she is aligned with, but also the power that Shadow Weaver exhibits. This is the deal Glimmer made, summed up, agency for complacency. Glimmer has to make herself ok, at least partially, with this side of Shadow Weaver, which makes her complicit in what is, again, the physical abuse of a child.

We have seen this scene before, but here it is through a different lens, and that changes how we read it, and keeps it interesting.

It is also notable that Bow is the one who stops Shadow Weaver and pulls Glimmer back. Which is interesting.

Bow is Shadow Weaver’s antithesis. Angella is too, but Bow is her main equal opposite. Bow is kind, uncomplicatedly so, and he is the final character who remains immune to Shadow Weaver’s tricks.

Although Bow stays above Shadow Weaver by playing the same game as her, just more fairly. Bow is a tactician, and a damn good one at that. He isn’t as good as Shadow Weaver, nobody is, but he is easily the second best in the series by a long shot.

But Bow plays fair, at all times. He lets people know what their roles are, he communicates, and he relies on other people as much as they rely on him. His relationships are mutual, where Shadow Weavers are parasitic.

Bow exists on trust.

Speaking of which, when Catra betrays Entrapta, the scene is shot from Scorpia’s point of view, and we again see her utter powerlessness to stop the situation. This is the cycle of abuse in full effect. Catra was denied her own agency, and so the way she tries to reclaim it is by removing others of theirs. Scorpia can’t do anything as her friend is carried away to a death sentence.

The final scene, however, is from Adora’s perspective. We see Catra’s world fall apart around her, quite literally, and we see Adora watch her oldest friend descend into madness. Once again, the watcher is powerless, as Catra continues the cycle of abuse.

You understand that Catra has nothing left to lose, and while you don’t agree with her decision, you can see why she did it, which is important. Reason and justification are not the same, but they do both make analysis easier, which I am grateful for.

This sets up the next episodes and Catra’s characterisation there. Catra doesn’t care about her own safety or the continued existence of the world itself, she just wants to feel better by exhibiting some kind of control over the people she perceives to have hurt her.

Which also sets up my diagnoses of Catra, and I’m not sure how the fandom will react to this, but I think Catra is the villain here.

Catra, in this episode, and in the next few episodes, is abusive, manipulative, and controlling. Essentially, she fits all three of the parameters for evil that the series has established.

Yes, she has a reason for her actions, but she isn’t morally grey anymore, she is choosing to burn the world down out of spite. Cool motive, still murder. Catra is the villain.

But is she irredeemable? I would argue “no”.

Spoilers for the rest of the series, but I can’t really explain why Catra’s redemption is possible to me other than the fact that she was redeemed, and it worked for me.

I don’t believe in good and bad people; I believe in actions. Sure, there are people who do unconditionally horrible things, a lot, but I would argue that the best way to redeem oneself is to stop doing those things and get better.

It’s as if morality is a quality you have to work at, with enough practice, you can improve.

And I think Catra’s redemption is so well executed, specifically because of the fact she is villainous here. If she hadn’t hit rock bottom and then sunk even further, her climb wouldn’t be nearly as compelling, at least to me.

Micah's memory casts a shadow over Angella as she makes her decisions, colouring her argument with her daughter. I wonder if there is some symbolism there.

Final Thoughts

The reason that Moment of Truth isn’t as popular as Promise or Save The Cat, is that it isn’t spectacular, it’s just impressive. By which I mean, the shot composition of this episode is stellar, but I can’t exactly point out every Dutch angle or perspective warp, or how many emotions Entrapta goes through in a single close up.

Also, the pacing of this episode actually slows down, rather than gaining momentum. It increases in tension, but the scenes get longer and more drawn out. We are reaching the event horizon, essentially, and time is getting wibbly wobbly. But that isn’t exactly something that wows an audience.

So if I was to recommend this episode, I would point to the teleportation scene, or the fight between Catra and Shadow Weaver. Both of which look cool, but don’t hold up by themselves when contrasted with other episodes in this series.

Basically, Moment Of Truth is competent, but in a way, its playing things safe on a majour scale, which is unfortunate. This episode deserves more love.

Anyway, next week, I will be looking at Remember, and taking narrative literalism to its extreme. So stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[aintgonnatakethis]

Writing Interview Tag!

Big thanks to @moltenwrites for the tag! I've seen this going around and was hoping to be tagged at some point. *rubs hands together* There'll be a readmore at the bottom with the templates for both desktop and mobile.

About me

When did you start writing?

Very young, around 5-6. I remember there was homework where the teacher gave everyone a list of words and asked us to write a sentence with each word. I would turn in a paragraph for each instead 😂 When I was 14 I was writing a lot of Doctor Who fic on FFnet (I can't believe that was 16 years ago 💀) and during the lockdown I started writing again for something to do.

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

I don't think so? Sorry, that's a really unsatisfying answer, I know. It's like when you're asked what your favourite book is and you instantly forget every book you've ever read 😂

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

Is this gonna be weird? Probably. Am I gonna fight through the anxiety anyway? Sure, you betcha! @septembriseur is one of the best writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Your Telford is second to none. Thank you.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Just sitting in my bed cradling my laptop. Despite only being 3 and a half years old it's got a whole host of things wrong with it, the most problematic being a loose connection somewhere inside the charging port. To be able to charge I have to sit in a very specific position and stay still, with a metal water bottle braced against the charging cable to keep it pushed in, another cable tied around it with an elastic band and hooked over the opposite side of the laptop. It's... honestly not the best lol. But it's a gaming laptop so getting it fixed would probably be expensive and I just don't have the money.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Am I allowed to say drugs? 😂 I'm prescribed ADHD meds and Pregabalin for anxiety, and they both help me focus enough to get words down on the page. I'd be pretty screwed without them tbh. I had an appointment with a doctor today and am getting an instant release ADHD medication added to my prescription as the extended release wears off by mid-to-late afternoon, so maybe I'll be able to get another daily writing session in when I take that!

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

Hn. I want to say not really, but it must have influenced me in some way, right? Kids are sponges and will soak up and mimic the behaviours of the adults around them, and often people will reach adulthood with opinions and ideas that they don't even realise were created by an outside influence.

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

QUEER! And no, it doesn't surprise me at all. 😂 I love writing about self-discovery, characters figuring out they can grow outside of the box society has built for them.

Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

So, uh, I'm just gonna link y'all here, where I ramble on about David Telford from Stargate Universe for fucking ages. He's in my brain spinning plates as we speak. (He never stops.)

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Well, in real life I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone in the military. While the US military is a special interest of mine because of Stargate, I am very aware that these characters are not realistic when compared to their real life counterparts. Realism in this area is one reason my favourite of the series is Universe, but even then these men aren't... Well, let's just say that - just like in politics - you don't get far in the military if you're a good person.

Which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?

😬😬😬 I mean, the fact they're dislikeable is part of the draw, ya know? I think irl-Young would suck absolute balls. 😂

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

Not super applicable as I'm a solely fandom writer, but the parts of the characters we're not given by the show come to me as I write, like puzzle pieces slotting into place. A good back-and-forth conversation is another excellent way to dig deep into them.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

QUEER! But being serious, I've given both Everett Young (SGU) and John Sheppard (SGA) intrusive thoughts...

My writing

What’s your reason for writing?

Escapism. Creativity. The characters are in my head screaming at me.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Ooh, the long back-and-forth conversations! I'm here to talk endlessly about these little fucking blorbos and I will ramble about them to anyone!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Taking this very seriously: a man. I know that fandom is typically a woman-dominated area and I've met quite a few other trans people through Stargate, but yeah. I know there are cultural differences with what are generally considered gender neutral terms around the world, but I do not want to ever be referred to as a girl or with woman-coded terms. I've had to fight hard to be able to be myself: man, dude, bro, there are a lot of choices.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Hmm... consistency? I set the New Year's resolution to write something every day in 2022. That year I missed 2 and half weeks because I had top surgery and while beforehand I thought 'awesome, I'll have plenty of time to write!' it turned out that recent wounds almost in my armpits makes it quite painful to move my arms... 🤔 In 2023 I wrote every day and so far I've kept that up in 2024. It's not always a lot of words, but it's always something.

What have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

Characterisation. I've been told I've got my SGU boys (Telford, Young, and Rush) down to a tee.

How do you feel about your own writing?

There's a cycle where I look back at stuff I've written and compare it to what I'm currently writing and think 'this new stuff isn't as good', but in 3 months the stuff I'm currently writing will be what I think is good so... There are pieces I'm especially proud of, of course. If you'd allow me to plug for a moment, I think a memory, a distant echo is one of the best things I've ever written. Mind the tags though.

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

Yeah sure. I write primarily for myself so I don't see any reason why I'd stop. I wouldn't live long though lmao

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

First point of contact has to be with me, always. If something doesn't resonate with me, I can't write it. Forcing things is going to make writing unenjoyable and for me it's one of the most joyous things I do and I want to keep it that way. That said, if there's specific interest in a certain idea I have, that of course does motivate me. Feedback is the nectar of writers!

Tagging: @fortunatetragedy @bagheerita @frostysfrenzy @adriankyte-writes @frostedlemonwriter

@gioiaalbanoart @septembriseur @authorcoledipalo @anonmadsci @the-golden-comet + OPEN

@wolgerrswraith @chaniis-atlantis

About me

When did you start writing?

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

How do you picture your characters?

My writing

What’s your reason for writing?

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

How do you feel about your own writing?

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

About meWhen did you start writing?Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?can you tell me a bit about your writing space? What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?Characters: would you please tell me about your current favorite character? Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters? Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?How do you picture your characters? My writing: what’s your reason for writing?Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating? How do you want to be thought about by your readers?What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?How do you feel about your own writing?If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

[kiwiana-writes]

Year in Review: Favourite Lines

Thanks to @anincompletelist for both making up a new game AND tagging me in it!

RULES: feel free to share your top three/top five/however many favorite snippet(s)/line/quotes/paragraphs from your published fics (or wips!)

Tried to keep this relatively short; may have failed. Whatever, just roll with it.

From Empty your heart of its mortal dream:

His name tripping off the prince’s tongue sent a shudder through Alex he couldn’t explain. “I no longer feel cursed,” he said, a deflection and a confession all in one.

From I've carried this song in my mind:

“Looking for Orion,” Henry responds after a moment, and that makes Arthur ache in a way dead actors-turned-dukes should probably not be able to ache. You don’t need to find Orion, Arthur wants to tell him. I’m in every constellation, in your heart, in your soul. I’m here. I’m always here. But Henry can’t hear him.

From Puck It:

Alex is aware that he might be bisexual in the same way he’s aware that he might be allergic to cats; there have been a few brief interactions to make him think it’s probably true, but so far it hasn’t had any impact on his life, so he hasn’t really had a reason to look into it and find out for sure. Now, faced with Henry’s clavicle and the sudden, vivid mental image of sinking his teeth into it, he’s not sure how theoretical it is anymore.

and:

Falling in love with Henry isn’t something Alex does. It’s not even something that happens to him. It’s an inevitability; the earth rotates the sun, winter melts into spring, and Alex Claremont-Diaz falls in love with Henry Fox. With his smile, with his passion, with his grief; with his incredible caring heart and his shockingly subpar karaoke skills.

From The way we get into each other's bones (aka angstapalooza RWRB edition, currently a WIP coming 2024):

No, what Alex will hate himself for the most is that when they fall to the floor, Henry’s hands find their way to Alex’s hips, gripping tight enough that his fingers will probably leave bruises later—and just for a moment, it feels like coming home.

From Years of dreams just can't be wrong (aka Anastasia AU, currently a WIP coming 2024):

The thing about Alex is, he’s always ten steps ahead of himself. When faced with a problem, more often than not the solution will come to him fully formed and he has to pick up the thread and walk it backwards through the labyrinthine pathways of his brain’s logic until all the twists and turns fit together; until he understands the steps to take to get himself from point A to point B. He’s always been this way, to the confusion of most people around him and the dismay of more than one high school math teacher begging him to show his working.

Tagging @affectionatelyrs @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @inexplicablymine @myheartalivewrites @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sparklepocalypse and, as always, anyone who wants to play! 

[ask-drdt-secret-swap-au]

welcome to the drdt secret swap au blog !!

the drdt secret swap au is an au where every student has a different talent and secret, and this blog is where you can ask the cast whatever you'd like.. keep it sfw, please!!

this blog will work as in you're asking the cast questions, not me.. unless you have a question for me, that is :3

owner intro;

i'm avery, i go by any pronouns, i'm medium support needs autistic (drdt is my special interest of multiple years), and i'm a questioning system!! comments & posts may be signed off with emojis for this reason.

for personal reasons, i can't use the name of the ultimate chemist from drdt; he will be referred to by his talent or in other ways only.

au cast:

ace markey - ultimate horror fanatic

secret: veronika' grebenshchikova's? (not canon, but accepted by the fandom)

arturo giles - ultimate matchmaker

secret: can't use his name, but it's about his younger sister not older brother

arei nageishi - ultimate zither player

secret: arturo giles', about her older sisters

(see above paragraph) - ultimate effects artist

secret: nico hakobyan's, she's transfem in this au

david chiem - ultimate art forger

secret: ace markey's

eden tobisa - ultimate inspirational speaker

secret: hu jing's (not confirmed canon but assumed)

hu jing - ultimate bowler

secret: xander matthews' (not confirmed canon but assumed)

j (last name) - ultimate lucky student

secret: arei nageishi's (got her mom arrested)

levi fontana - ultimate jockey

secret: j's (the rest of his family are famous)

min jeung - ultimate pet therapist

secret: teruko tawaki's (not confirmed canon but assumed)

nico hakobyan - ultimate rebel

secret: min jeung's (not confirmed canon but assumed)

rose lacroix - ultimate chemist

secret: eden tobisa's

teruko tawaki - ultimate clockmaker

secret: david chiem's

veronika grebenshchikova - ultimate plastic surgeon

secret: levi fontana's (not confirmed canon but assumed)

whit young - ultimate personal stylist

secret: rose lacroix's

xander matthews - ultimate student

secret: whit young's (his favourite teacher died, not his mom)

please submit asks, i'd love to answer them and explain what this au is all about!! :D

i am also @ask-the-no-killing-game-au :3

[soleilceirinen]

Renaissance | teacher!Cillian Murphy x fem!Reader - Part 6

Summary: you are an Art History student in your last year at university. Cillian is your teacher. A/N: in this story Cillian is about 20 years older than the reader. Everything happens in an alternative universe where he is not an actor or famous, he doesn't have a wife or kids like in real life. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistake! Part 5 - Cillian Murphy Masterlist - Part 7

Unlike most people, you liked Mondays. To you, it meant the beginning of a new week, a reset. But this Monday was different and so far, you hated every second of it. 

After your kiss with Cillian last Friday, you decided not to go further that night so he drove you to your flat. Once there, you said goodbye with a bunch of tiny kisses and the promise to talk later but it never happened.

You had spent the weekend staring at your phone, waiting for a reply to the text you had sent him. It just said “Good morning!” and a flushed emoji but he never answered. So, considering his lack of response, you sent him an email with your project progress, to which he didn’t reply either. 

And now, you had been sitting in the classroom for forty minutes while listening to him talk about Margaret of Austria’s portrait collection. Forty minutes in which he didn’t look at your direction at all, as if you were invisible. 

You continued taking notes until the end of the lecture, breaking the paper sheet a couple times due to the pressure with which you were writing. When the other students had left the classroom, you walked to his desk to confront him. 

“Good morning, Cillian.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the papers and books scattered around his desk when he answered you.

“Mr. Murphy is the proper way to address me, miss Y/L/N. Can I help you with something?” 

You looked at him in disbelief. 

“Well, I texted you and you never said anything back, I was worried,” you admitted. He just shrugged dismissively.  

“There’s nothing to worry about. Do you need anything else?”

“Yes, Mr. Murphy,” you said bitterly, “I also sent you a few new pages of the project so you could review them and give me some feedback.”

Cillian sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“I looked over it, it’s okay but be careful with the paragraphs and the structure. If you need something else, my tutoring sessions are Tuesdays at 11 a.m. and Thursdays at 18 p.m., you can find me at my office.” He looked at you briefly, before saying “Have a nice day, miss Y/L/N.” 

You didn't know how to react to his sudden coldness so you frowned and left the classroom with the ghost of tears stinging your eyes.

The rest of the week went by the same way, with Cillian ignoring you and only addressing you to make a comment about your project. As far as you were concerned, you had no idea what could have caused that change in his attitude but it made you feel quite miserable, just to think of what could have been and wasn’t. 

After a long morning of lectures you were finally free to go and have lunch. You and Olivia had met to eat at a Japanese restaurant near the university. Once seated at your table, you noticed that she was quieter than usual. 

“So, how is everything going for you?” you asked. “Are you still seeing that guy, the artist?”

She frowned and shook her head. “No way. At least not after he painted my pussy on a 120 x 160 canvas and displayed it for everyone to see.”

“Well, I can tell you something, it was sold” you comforted her. “By the way, I thought you knew which part of you he was painting.”

Olivia groaned and hid her face in her arms. 

“He never told me, said it was a surprise. His favourite part of me, you know” she added, rolling her big eyes. “But let’s talk about something else, what about you? You look sad.”

You shrugged. “It’s nothing, I’m a bit overwhelmed with my final project but…” You stopped talking when you saw a group of people sit a couple of tables away. 

They were teachers, you realised since some of them had taught you in recent years, plus Cillian was among them. He also noticed your presence, you caught him looking at you but he immediately looked away. Olivia looked at you with half closed eyes and then she turned around to look at the teacher’s table. You grabbed her arm to make her stop.

“Don’t do that!”

“Why not?” she asked suspiciously while you tried to hide the fact that you were starting to blush. 

“That’s my final project tutor” you whispered. “Don’t look!”

Olivia made a face of annoyance at you. “If I can’t look, how am I supposed to know which one is your tutor? I’ll just take a little look, they won’t notice, I promise Y/N”, she assured. 

You nodded slightly, accepting the fact that they would notice anyway. “Okay. It’s the guy with blue eyes.”

After a failed, as expected, attempt to be subtle, Olivia focused again on you leaning on the table so that nobody else but you could hear her. “He’s handsome but he looks like he’s sucking on a lemon.”

You couldn't help but burst out laughing, narrowly avoiding choking on your soda. 

“Olivia!”

She giggled with you, satisfied with herself. 

“At least I made you smile.” 

The rest of the meal was uneventful, just you and Olivia catching up. It had been a long time since you had such a good time with your friend like this but sadly, it had to end. Otherwise, you wouldn’t get on time to work. Olivia led the way to the door, taking the opportunity to look closely at Cillian as she passed their table. You followed her, nodding in his direction as you walked past him. 

“Y/N”

You turned around slowly. Cillian was about to get up from the table, some of the teachers looked at you with curiosity and others with recognition. You smiled at them politely. 

“What is it, Mr. Murphy?”

“I need to talk to you”, he said. You wanted to slap him in the face, right on his stupidly perfect cheekbones. You felt your blood boiling with his audacity after ignoring you for a whole week 

“I’m sure it can wait until Monday, or you can send me an email. It’s very simple but I guess it’s up to you. Goodbye Mr. Murphy, have a nice weekend everyone.”

Later, you were sitting at the art gallery office with your final project opened on your laptop. On calm days like that, you used to take the opportunity and study. Maureen and Laura didn’t care about it. 

A knock on the door made you take your eyes away from the laptop screen. There was Maureen, with her blonde hair tied up in a messy bun while holding a plastic bag. 

“Good afternoon, Y/N. How are you?” 

“I’m fine, everything is quiet here. I was trying to write some more of my research but I think I’ll give up for today. What about you?”

She took a seat next to you and started searching for something in the bag while talking. 

“Don't get saturated, sometimes it is better to let a few days pass and return to the project with more energy and inspiration.”

You nodded in agreement. Then, Maureen took out a small photo album and started flipping through all the pages. 

“We want to make a video for the wedding with photos of us from when we were children and teenagers, you know, until we met. So yesterday I spent all day going through photo albums and came across this, I thought you might like to see it.”

She held a polaroid in front of you. Carefully, you took it and examined it in detail. In a handwriting that you recognised as Maureen’s, it said Summer ‘99. It wasn’t difficult to tell who they were since they looked the same, but younger.

“It’s you and Cillian” you stated. 

“We took that picture the summer after we graduated from university, we were about your age there.”

“So, you and him know each other really well or just as former classmates?” you wondered, still looking at the polaroid. She sighed. 

“We are very close, even though he likes to disappear from time to time.” She took out another picture and gave it to you, putting the other one back in the album. “You can keep that one, since you see Cill more than I do, you should have a chance to give it to him. It could bring back good memories, right?” 

You stared at the polaroid and nodded absentminded. From the corner of your eyes you saw Maureen get up after hearing Laura call her from the gallery, she gave you a little squeeze in the shoulder before disappearing. 

In the photograph was a young Cillian smiling from ear to ear, with messy hair and a sunburnt face, which surely would explain the amount of freckles he had now. Also, the way his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners was still the same, although more accentuated with the years. 

Despite all that had happened, you couldn’t help but feel a certain nostalgia. 

A sound coming from your laptop made you look, there was a new message from Cillian. He wanted to meet you in his office on Monday afternoon. Your answer was concise, just to let him know that you would be there.

Only then you were aware of the knot that had formed in your stomach. You were hoping for things to develop smoothly and go back to normal, as they were before that week. But just like it happened with your roommate Brad, deep inside you had the suspicion that what Cillian had to say wasn't good news.

[alfredojesta]

circus squad highschool au has also been running rampant in my mind for some time...

vine, freshman and sent to public school by his foster parents, is anxious and scared of basically everyone. he skips most days and barely gets his schoolwork done.

papa grande, who's the english teacher and owns his own bookstore, notices vine's anxiety. they grow a bond with grande becoming vine's favourite teacher. vine starts eating lunch in grande's classroom instead of the bathroom stall where he used to go.

later on in the year, grande introduces vine to a few of his other students — nathan, candy pop, jason and jonathan. why? because papa grande trusts them. they're all hardworking seniors. they all get along pretty nicely, seeing as they all share a love for art. the six of them eat lunch together in papa grande's classroom (even when grande is absent.)

grande teaches them how to do magic tricks. he also, being an english teacher, turned the lunchtime meetings into somewhat of a book club. he gives them novels to read and requests they write short paragraphs about the book. because they're nerds with no life, they willingly do grande's assignment. candy pop has turned it into sort of a competition: first person to complete their paragraph gets a point (for what? no one's sure.)

vine grows more comfortable coming to school when he realises he's not all that alone in his troubles. the others help him with his assignments and give him life advice — or at least nathan, grande and jon do. candy pop isn't to be listened to ("juggle thy cares away!") and jason's only advice is "get a drink of water."

jason himself wasn't able to make more friends until amelia unfriended him (their friendship was extremely toxic. amelia couldn't even tell jason that she had other friends without jason trying to convince her they're all fake.)

in addition, jason was bullied for:

wearing a tophat to school

being british

having red hair

wanting to be a toymaker

not having any friends

looking feminine

and basically just being autistic

his first true friends were nathan and candy pop, who he was forced to work with for a group project. in all honesty, jason didn't want to talk to either of them. he was still not over the loss of amelia. nathan didn't want to talk to jason either. however, candy pop's friendliness meant they were gonna have to talk eventually. and surprisingly, the three of them grew close.

i'm thinking of a cute scene where they have a sleepover at nathan's house. and because jason isn't allowed to have sweets often (his parents are really fucking strict on him), he's rather shocked when they get to bake cookies together. candy pop's cookies are the fucking best so they have a good time.

jason's father is a "toughen up, you are a man" type of guy, which is why jason does his under eyeliner during homeroom and wipes it off before he goes home. but at the sleepover, nathan does jason's makeup for him — and jason is Amazed. Shocked. Speechless. he stares at his reflection for minutes. nathan gives jason some stuff to take home so he can do more makeup on himself in secret.

he likes the feeling of it — it's not because he's a crossdresser but because it helps jason to express himself more. same with nathan (who is goth) and candy pop (who loves jesters!!!)

they're best friends who get into a bunch of shit together but all come from the same line of wanting to discover themselves and grow as people together. oh and — nathan pierces jason and candy pop's ears. jason obviously takes them out before he gets home or else he'll get the world's longest lecture. candy pop, on the otherhand, lives with (humanised) night terrors who couldn't give less of a shit about what candy pop does as long as he's alive.

[my-castles-crumbling]

for the middle schoolers advice gossip collum, as someone who was one not too long ago, i don’t really have advice, but here are some things my favourite teacher(s) did that made me really like them, if that helps:

when we had english, she would pause about halfway through the lesson for a ‘brain break,’ which meant we’d go outside and play a short game, while the not-so-sporty kids could just wander around the beach (the school was right on the coast) for a bit, which was just a really nice way to disengage temporarily.

he would bribe us with food. finish this project and you’ll get chocolate, etc. you should probably use this for big assignments only.

was really nice but didn’t take any shit. we had a 3 strikes ‘you’re out’ system (except the school sucked at enforcing it) and she and my other favourite managed it really well. like, a lot of the ‘popular kids’ especially think being annoying is cool/cute/funny and the teachers made a point to give someone a strike for it.

he gave good criticism but didn’t do harshly; this is good but focus more on x. nice work on the paragraphs, we’ll work on y next, etc,

this might be a me thing, but she had a really pretty fashion sense, which inspired me to branch out with my clothes too, and dw about it if it’s not acceptable in your school (mine was very laid back), but just. wear whatever makes you happy <3

—sincerely, carrot anon

Hi hon!

Thank you so much for all of this, I really appreciate it! Sounds like you've had some cool teachers. I don't know if I have good fashion sense, but I can definitely do the rest, lol.

[meikyuunolovers]

Happy 76th Birthday, John Gosling !

(06/02/1948-03/08/2023*)

[Media will be uploaded at a later date.]

Happy birthday to the incredibly musically gifted Kink ! He was the pianist from 1970, joining just in time to contribute to Lola vs. Powerman, until 1978 when he left after Misfits alongside Andy Pyle. He was also one of the OG Kast-Off Kinks member ! Due to his long hair, and his beard, he was nicknamed 'the Baptist' after his ressemblance with paintings of John the Baptist.

First of all, I absolutely have to share the story of when he joined the band, as it was told in Ray Davies: A Complicated Life... I'm not in the place to forgive him or not, but I understand why he heard 'the Kings'. I'm French, and in France, if you ask someone about the Kinks, there's a 50/50 chance someone will get it wrong.

Something that really defines him is the fact that he appeared in a lot of iconic costumes through his Kinky career, including a gorilla costume in Apeman, the viking costume he interrupted a meeting with, a costume with goggles and wings in Supersonic Rocket Ship, the Vicar costume for the Preservation acts, the Soap Opera costume (the one the band members wore, with the bright orange wigs), and the schoolboy costume for Schoolboys in Disgrace !

The Kast-Off Kinks' website has this interesting interview of him. It's in the 'Special' section of the website.

As for my favourite song where I think he's the highlight... Definitely Ducks on the Wall !! This is one of my favourite Kinks songs of all-time, and I think his keyboards were the highlight here !

As I'm writing this, it's like 9pm and I have to go to sleep soon, so I'll conclude this quickly. Every time I think about him, I feel a bit sad, even though I never actually met him. He passed away shortly after I became a fan of the band, and I only really started to get interested in members outside the iconic lineup after reading the Davies brothers' autobiographies weeks later. It was especially Dave's first book that showed me a new perspective on him.

[I'll finish this paragraph later, too.]

*most obituaries list 04/08/2023 as the date, while the Kast-Off Kinks' website lists 03/08/2023 as the date.

(Finally wrote the draft inside my notes! Wow! ...other than that, university makes me incredibly sleepy (it's a bit of a struggle when every teacher asks you to spare one hour for their subject)... Not really proud of the drawing, I feel like I could have done a hundred times better because I feel he looks too gangly... I could have done better.)

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

FINAL: Davis (Juror 8) from Twelve Angry Men vs the Bimodal Distribution from statistics

Propaganda under the cut, and it's REALLY worth it:

Davis (Juror 8) (these are all from the single submitter)

a quick lil list babes, and I apologise for all of this in advance:

He's from the fucking film 12 angry men. like, aside from letterbox bootlickers and middle school hass students NO ONE has watched this film let alone care about it, it was made in 1957, is shot almost exclusively in one room and the entire film is just middle aged white men yelling at each other over whether some not white poor kid should be sent to the electric chair. what the fuck.

Henry Fonda, the actor, was 52 years old at the time of filming

Henry Fonda is the father of Jane Fonda, the woman who would revolutionise the 80's with her home workouts and her blindingly neon leg warmers.

His name wasn't revealed until the very end of the film and even then it's just "Davis."

I could honestly give him a lil smooch

He's absolutely not girlypop but he's the ally-iest ally who's ever allied

He's categorised as a "Benevolent Leader" on the Heroes Wiki

instead of the overwhelming urge for me to coddle him like most all other blorbos, i would appreciate it switched

I have a photo of him inside my saxophone case and sometimes i forget he's in there, then he creeps into my saxophone bell and when I play it he shoots out like a ballistic missile

Dude, on ao3 there's more fanfiction about the real life 80's British punk band The Clash than the entire film of 12 angry men, let alone Davis (80 fics come up under the clash, while 10 come up for 12 angry men)

I have a counter, and I've watched 12 Angry men a total of 145 times. The figure is up on my wall in tallies. whenever the number goes up, I like to watch it in 5's so then I can put another full group of tallies on my wall.

I have incredibly detailed stories about how Davis would boogie down to ringo starr's solo career, and they're written within the margins of a book called Tobruk written by Peter Fitzsimons. The only reason I reread that book is to wonder at my elaborate works of fiction

My HASS teacher was the one to introduce me to 12 Angry Men as he played it for the entire class. He gave us a set of questions to complete on the film and a few Law based questions as a little treat, and he expected it to be handed in the next day. What he didn't expect was an 11 page monster of a response that included social commentary, 4 paragraphs dissecting the character of Davis alone, deeply discussed comparisons between the landscapes of politics and law in the 50's to the present, and basically an entire point-for-point summarisation of the film, completed with obscure quotes from Truman, Eisenhower, Nixon and Presley (Elvis). He presented the printed masterpiece in front of the entire class to shame me.

After class he explained how his favourite Juror would either be 6 or 5, because 6 seems like a big dumb teddybear and he just liked 5. I explained how I liked Davis because he didn't want to send a kid to die, then he told me how Davis would make a good cowboy (at this point in time I was unaware of Henry Fonda's role in Once Upon A Time in The West) and I proceeded to go home and write a 3 part orchestral composition that I could pretend would play as the soundtrack to Juror 8: A Cowboy's Tale or something like that

I had started to make an animation meme starring Davis but only gave up when photoshop literally deleted itself from my laptop

I didn't even hear that Juror 8's name was Davis when I first watched it in class, somehow I only heard it on my 6th rewatch but when I did I literally got so excited I literally got winded and cried a little bit, I had to take a panadol because I got so lightheaded

I have learned the musical motif that plays throughout the film on saxophone, clarinet, recorder, guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and trumpet

I have visions of him

One of Davis' 3 children HAS to be gay and nothing can convince me otherwise

honest to god I'd be a home wrecker if it came to him

I quote not only Davis but the film a lot, and sometimes in the dead silence of all my friends I go on about how the old man couldn't have possibly made it to the door in such a short amount of time to see the kid running down the stairs (because the old man has a limp, and Davis proved it my limping around the room, which I have to say was incredibly attractive of him)

He's literally an architect

I once had a dream where Davis was in my bass guitar case when I opened it, and i literally just picked him up and started picking him like a bass guitar until I tried to play a full chord and he bit the hand that was meant to be on the fretboard. I dropped him and he fell on his ass, and when I said "what the hell dude what was that for" he said bass chords are lowkey ugly to listen to, and since then i don't like playing bass chords because now they're lowkey ugly to listen to. before this ordeal, i enjoyed them, but alas

i once got my romantic partner to write me a davis x reader fanfiction as a birthday present

my parents believe that Davis is my first celebrity crush, and while they're actually wrong it's still actually so embarrassing they believe that because OH MY GOD it's literally JUROR 8 FROM 12 ANGRY MEN

I've attempted slam poetry about him

I've eaten a paper printed full a4 size photo of his hand

I would also not mind him to be literally my father, but given the rest of the things I've just said about him that's really weird and I recognise that

the Bimodal Distribution

First of all, it's a math concept. that is already pretty bizarre of a thing to be blorbo-ifying. Second of all, I don't know any calculus, and I don't consider myself a math person (because I hate arithmetic), but I really like this guy for some reason. I mean this graph clearly holds the secrets of the universe. don't you just want to l o o k at it . like you could solve everything in the world with that boy

[thousand-winters]

Ask game 🛼🍄🍬🥐🧩!

Hello, friend!!! I hope life has been treating you kindly lately 💖

🛼 ⇢ Describe your latest wip with five emojis

Going to use literally the last document I opened for this but: 😟🏃🏰🛌😢

🍄 ⇢ Share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I have a little hc that during the period of time between Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn, while Ike was kinda getting used to being the leader of the Greil mercenaries in peace times, sometimes he would get too stressed and irritable, so Soren would do something about it.

The "something" in question being going to him like "Ike, I have something very important to report" and while Ike's kinda only half paying attention, immersed as he is in his own head, Soren will just say a shitty joke in a deadpan. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" sort of dumb joke.

He doesn't even think they're funny, but they make Ike snort in disbelief and, since he knows Soren isn't the type to randomly crack jokes all of a sudden, he can tell what he's doing. Those times always end on a smile and a "thank you, Soren".

🍬 ⇢ Post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

I didn't really think this was an unpopular opinion but I see it somewhat often around, the idea that Hunter killed people during his time as Golden Guard and I really don't agree with it. I feel like if Belos had made him do that, Hunter would have cracked so much earlier because his compassionate nature would be at odds with the act itself, even if he had been told they were bad people. He couldn't even get himself to catch Luz in Hunting Palismen, so I think he would have let a shit ton of people go and Belos wouldn't have taken that kindly.

At most, I can see him unfortunately being involved in someone getting killed in the same way he was with the palismen he handed Belos; aka, him possibly capturing people and those people ending up dead or petrified. But I really, really don't think he ever killed someone himself, and in the case of capturing wild witches and such, I feel like that would have to be a very special occasion too (I feel like lowkey Belos probably always had a certain wariness that his grimwalkers would run off with a wild witch or such, especially if Caleb wasn't the only one who did through his messed up story of brotherly murder and clonation)

🥐 ⇢ Name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Oh, my god, there was this meme in Spanish (very unsure if it also exists in English because it's from those monkey puppets that are memes but I never watched the source material of that properly so no idea) that went like: student character goes to present their teacher with a medical justification for missing class while saying something like "I got sick but I'm better now", teacher goes "it says here you got hit by a car and died" and then the student says "wow, science really advances, right?"

I don't think it has the same punch with me saying like this as seeing the thing but for some reason it cracked me up so much when I saw it. Now sometimes if someone asked what happened to me for whatever reason, half the time I go "I got hit by a car and died" and then laugh, which is probably not the best thing to say without context lmao 😭 I don't do it unless it's in a silly kind of context tho, don't worry.

My sister also sometimes will explain things by going "science really advances" and I die every fucking time too.

🧩 ⇢ What will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

1st person POVs, I'm so sorry, I just can't do it 😔 It causes such a visceral reaction of second hand embarrassment in me even if there's no actual embarrassing content in the description. I just cannot do it, it's even worse for me than paragraphs with no space between them or such, depending on the day I can power through those but the 1st person? Nope.

Thank you for the questions!!! From this ask game

[renaultphile]

More Jane Eyre/The Charioteer parallels!

@nurseadriansbrother Your Jane Eyre post!  I love it! I've linked to it here.

I had completely forgotten what a wild imagination young Jane has, no wonder all the adults were a little terrified of her (as Ralph is of Laurie!)  I mean that little paragraph of her in bed getting scared so echoes the start of chapter one in TC.  My favourite bit is where Mary says ‘he made the emergency known at once’ (ie that he couldn’t sleep (!)

I’m so glad you said that thing about Rochester being brought low so that they can come together.  That’s always been in my mind as Charlotte Bronte’s ‘solution’ but I thought it sounded a bit over-dramatic, but I do think she feels she has to practically blind and maim him first!!  Very strange, and I suppose there is definitely a parallel with the ending of TC although I always worry about Ralph being brought low because I wonder if he can really accept Laurie taking care of him.  Although I do believe that’s the only way it could work.  Or some kind of equality at least.  And Rochester has the thing about wanting Jane to be honest, I had forgotten about him using that word ‘master’, Wow!  It makes me worry if Laurie is just lying to Ralph to make him feel better, he’s going to have to be so careful about that.  He seems to struggle so hard with confrontation.

God, I had completely forgotten the references to suicide in Jane Eyre.  She is so steadfast.  I remember to this day my English teacher explaining to us callow teenagers in words of one syllable what the societal dangers were of Jane becoming Rochester’s mistress.

Jane’s internal monologue is so interesting, yes, she struggles so hard to be fair and reasonable, and trying to take on Helen’s virtues the way Laurie tries to do with Andrew – that bit after the Bunny car scene where he thinks what would Andrew say…….That’s funny though because when I was looking into Ralph’s childhood and wondering how strict his ‘Christian home’ was, and then I re-read that bit in the ‘break-up’ scene where Laurie says he is like someone suffering for a cause, I immediately thought ‘martyr’ and I haven’t been able to un-see it!  Helen Burns!  And all those horrible books about Saints getting tortured Jane used to read….

And Jeepers – what’s interesting is that Mr Brocklehurst presents his hypocrisy as very pragmatic, and in a way I think that’s Jepson’s excuse too.  I always think of Straike’s reference to Jepson’s hypochronia!

OK and finally – gothic horror!!  You read my mind!  One of my little theories about Ralph is that he is always saying ‘Don’t worry’ to Laurie and although that sounds like kindness, I always feel there is a little wind-up element to it, as in, ‘I wasn’t worrying, why do you think I would be?’ and I have this feeling of Ralph’s power kick (I’m sure entirely unconsciously) being to slightly frighten people and then be all nice and comforting.  Sorry, have I just gone off the deep end or does that make sense?

[shinwoonoh]

it’s ep 4 of the eighth sense and i still don’t believe jaewon is in therapy. 

i asked myself why? why, when it’s getting quite obvious that jaewon is in therapy, from the woman accusing him of just being here for the drugs and to jaewon stating his parents forced him to come here 10 years ago. he sits there on a couch for four as a silhouette. the water is clear and glowing behind him. she essentially tells him to spit it out for god’s sake, says he has depression, and jaewon tells her i’m getting sick of myself wearing a mask when I’m dealing with others.

(or a deeply personal piece about my experiences with being asian and the idea of therapy, all prompted by the privilege of getting to experience the eighth sense) 

[tw: depression, suicide ideation, ptsd]

i’m first generation chinese canadian and queer. my sister has depression, had thoughts of suicide, all while i myself was being emotionally and verbally abused at work. it’s been 5 years but when i drive by a white toyota 4runner (because that’s the car they drove), i’m still gripped with fear. i can only stare straight ahead hoping to god it’s not them it’s not them it’s not. i want to drive the other way onto oncoming traffic 

i told my mom then, that my sister needs help - a doctor, therapy, - call the goddamn pastor from church - anything. 

she told me, what use is therapy going to do?

my mom was a registered nurse. when i was a kid, she used to bring me with her on her night shifts and i’d eat tuna croissant sandwiches with the seniors in front of the biggest television box i’ve ever seen in my life. cross legged on the floor because the po po’s and gong gong’s took all the chairs. she told me if old white ladies ask for kleenex and you give them toilet paper, they’ll be mad. it’s different here. 

so it’s ep 4 of the eighth sense and i don’t believe therapy exists in the minds of asian people and culture

i took a new job. vowed not to make friends at work. clock in clock out. gave limited info when coworkers asked questions. smiled and giggled. i observed and mimicked behaviour that would let me fit in. i learned how to hug someone when they were upset (tight and long, soothe their backs with open palms) even though i didn’t want to hug anyone, let alone have anyone touch me anywhere that was soft

i was masking. 

been masking. for a long time.

i fit in so well, everyone likes me. i’ve been told i’m the favourite by pretty much everyone. hell, i’ve had coworkers fighting over me, told i can do and say no wrong. i’m not trying to brag. i hate being the centre of attention. i steer conversation immediately to the other person so i don’t have to talk about myself too much. just enough to seem normal, to look human - to be liked. 

(even as i’m writing this, there are too many words and paragraphs about me, why would anyone read this? y’all are here for the eighth sense but i’m going on like a celebrity writing their autobiography about their tragic childhood and how they were able to rise above - so, okay, i should start sprinkling in some actual t8s content analysis, for god’s sake)

jaewon says i want to free myself from human relationships

what happened to jaewon? we don’t know entirely yet. but everybody loves jaewon. the teacher will give him a good mark because he likes jaewon. everybody in class wants him to be their project partner and everybody’s missed him since he’s been away in the army please hang out with us jaewon let’s go drinking jaewon you better show up jaewon or it would be a shame, jaewon you are so likeable loveable cool lucky don’t worry about jaewon he’s got everything going on for him

then he meets jihyun and i think jaewon has a hard time finding the right mask to put on to deal with the freshman. and he slips a lot. when he starts to talk about his brother, after eunji shows up because of taehyung’s scheming, when jihyun repeatedly corrects him that it’s jaewon that wants to be friends - not him. and finally when he kisses jihyun

he’s having such a hard time and he slips up so bad, that the next safest option is to mask right back up

oh jaewon was drunk he has a habit of kissing and yeah he’ll join them after he helps yoon won wrap things up he’s the new best friend so let’s have a meal together with jihyun and his roommate next time

3 years into my new job, someone returns to the company and we become friends, on a soulmate level. i think i was in love with her - i definitely had a crush on her. but anyways, somehow i see her and i was suddenly all sorts of things because of her. i start to look forward to work. i add my coworkers on facebook and ig. we go to parties with our bosses and a few of us go on a couple of road trips even though the pandemic is blazing in the background  

she saw me, even when i didn’t want to be seen. i remember getting a particularly anxiety-inducing email from my previous job. i’m in the staff room sitting quietly, staring at my feet. i try to breathe. 

i’m alone for the whole of it but i emerge from the room again. ready to leave for the day and somehow, my friend sees me. asks me what’s wrong?

how did she know? i didn’t cry. i looked in the mirror before i came out. i didn’t even say anything to her. but i tell her, quietly at first and then easily and then finally with so much - so. much. honesty.

she tells me i get it. of course you feel that way. why wouldn’t you feel that way? it’s completely understandable. i know you. 

we hug. it’s one of the best hugs i’ve ever received. 

she leaves for another job. i try to go on, all open and soft parts exposed. but little by little, i go back into my shell. 

why would i want to show the entirety of myself? all the bits of me are all the ways i can embarrass myself, expose myself, show myself to people who will take what i show and twist and move it all in a way that becomes unrecognizable and uncontrollable

so i mask

but it’s goddamn tiring and exhausting. jaewon is exhausted. you see it in his eyes as he stares off out into nowhere when jihyun tells him his name. when they’re sitting in the train, and he’s smiling at jihyun at first and then jihyun’s smile falls open, and we see jaewon’s expression: there’s a downward movement to his lips. it’s so miniscule. maybe i’m imagining it

but that’s the moment i think jihyun sees when he tells aeri he ran into jaewon sunbae yesterday, and he didn’t look okay.

what was i talking about? oh yes, therapy and being asian and how disconnected that is to me. nobody asian goes to therapy. i can hear all the aunties and my popo saying sometimes doctors are wrong and medicine isn’t going to help. my grandma didn’t believe my grandpa had dementia and alzheimer’s even to the last minute of his death and past it. she said he was annoying and stupid when he forgot where he put his ring or when he would leave the stove on until a hole burnt through the pot.

in the farewell, a story about a chinese family that lied to their aging matriarch that she didn’t have terminal lung cancer. all of them flew back to china for a rushed and premature marriage, used as an excuse to go tearily say goodbye to their soon-to-be dead grandma/mom/mother in law, etc. the juxtaposition of them celebrating a happy marriage while crying on stage to her about her for her as she claps with happiness and pride, but also with confusion, is funny. they never tell her. and she miraculously is cured of cancer. it’s like she never had it. they lied to her because they wanted her to be happy. be happy so she wouldn’t die. 

so what good will medicine, let alone, therapy do? just be happy. easy, right?

i hope jaewon continues to open up. i hope he finds that soulmate of his, maybe in jihyun, maybe in himself. i know opening up and unmasking is scary. but also masking is so uncomfortable that i want to crawl out of my skin. it’s alienating and lonely. 

even writing all of this out, i still don’t think jaewon is in actual therapy. i’ve never seen it personally in asian media. so i think it’s so sad that when i’m being given a beautiful example of a korean person in korea going to therapy or whatever type of appointment relationship agreement this is where jaewon gets asked what’s bothering him and he answers truthfully and almost painlessly. like he’s been doing this for 10 years. 

and i don’t believe it. it’s so fucked up that i don’t believe it. i keep thinking when will the rug be pulled out from under me? surely there’s no such thing as an asian person going to therapy. fuck, evelyn travelled through the multiverse and there’s not one of her in therapy 

but it’s right there in front of my own eyes: jaewon getting counselled and advised, she has a notebook, an aquarium to look at when you’re nervous, big round metal balls to stare right back at you when you need a distraction and it’s been 10 years. i watched it all with the same eyes that saw my parents fight and punch holes in the wall before going to couple retreats at church and coming back stronger than ever. the last time i saw them fight, i was in high school. even as my sister finally spoke to her doctor and she saw a therapist, then a psychiatrist and now she’s on medication and she’s doing better. i’m not afraid she’s going to hurt herself anymore. my soulmate sees a counsellor and messages me randomly and it’s so eerily weird when she knows i’m struggling even when we’re a mountain apart

it’s all in front of me. but i don't believe it.