#my moms entire life has been sacrifices and the reason she has her life in order isnt because of my dad it's because of herself

[iamthat-iam]

"Ego", The Final Boss

Olivia (she prefers to be called Liv) has been on quite the spiritual journey for a couple of years. She was born and raised Catholic, then as a teen she decided to leave the church because it didn't resonate with her. She went through a law of attraction phase, followed by law of assumption, and finally, she found non dualism from a few Twitter and Tumblr accounts.

The message, from what she gathered, was that she needed to fully drop the ego in order to realize her true self/true nature and to experience whatever she wanted. She even read a few books where realized masters have spoken about their own personal journeys of dropping ego and how life is generally more peaceful for them now that they've done so.

Now, Liv is one with a troubled past. She would give anything to become an entirely different person with no childhood trauma, and just a happy life all around. She meditated every single day, practiced "sitting in silence", and tried her hardest to detach from her "ego."

She stopped enjoying her usual hobbies out of fear of identifying too much with the character. She would go out of her way to correct thoughts that she felt were "too related to being the person." Needless to say, her mental health began to go downhill very fast.

One of her best friends, Marcus, decided to check up on her one day through face-time. "Hey sis! How have you been?! Haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey..." Liv answered. "I'm not doing all that great to be honest."

"Yeah I figured that. That's why I reached out to you," Marcus stated. "I'm worried about you. It seems like you barely leave the house. Everytime myself or anyone else tries to make plans with you, you either cancel last minute or come up with some bogus excuse as to why you can't come out."

Liv had to laugh because everything he said was true. "So I'm guessing you didn't believe the story about my pet rabbit dying."

Marcus cackled. "GIRL. I've known you for years and not once have you ever had a pet rabbit. Stop playing."

"Okay let me tell you what's really going on with me," Liv began, "So a few months ago I found this 'spiritual practice' called Non Dualism, and the premise of it is you need to 'let go of ego' in order to realize your true nature as God, or Awareness, whatever you want to call it. Also you get to experience whatever you want."

"So this is the reason why you've stopped enjoying your usual hobbies, and why you've stopped having a social life?" Marcus inquired. "I'm going to be honest here. As your friend, I feel like I owe it to you to tell you the Truth even if it isn't what you want to hear. I don't think that this 'practice' has helped you one bit. Either you have misinterpreted the message, or these people are spreading misinformation. Never at any point should you sacrifice your mental health for the sake of 'becoming enlightened.'"

"I don't know what else to do," Liv started to cry a little. "I just want to become a different person living a life full of happiness, one without trauma and constant reminders of my horrible past. I hate being this broken person!"

"It's okay hun, I totally understand," Marcus consoled her. "I can help you. You remember my family guru right? She hates being called that, but I don't know how else to refer to her. Her name is Sage. My family has gone to her for spiritual advice and healing for years."

"Yes, I remember her! Didn't she help your mom heal her lower back pain?" Liv asked excitedly.

"She sure did. I can give you her number if you want!"

After Liv ended her face-time call with Marcus, he gave her Sage's number. She immediately reached out to her to schedule a day where they can meet up.

- -

One day, Liv arrived at a beautiful park to discover Sage already sitting on one of the benches waiting. "Hi! I don't know if you remember me, I'm Marcus' friend Liv."

"Yes! Hi Liv, it's nice to see you again," Sage reached out and gave Liv a warm hug. "Now what can I help you with?"

Liv sat down next to Sage. "Well, I discovered Non dualism a few months ago, and I'm not sure if I misunderstood the message or not, but I thought you had to let go of ego in order to realize your true nature as awareness. And after you realize this, you can experience whatever you want. So long story short, I stopped enjoying life because I thought I had to do that in order to be enlightened."

Sage hesitated for a moment, and then smiled. "Think about it this way.. if it's true that our true nature is awareness, or God, whatever label you put on it, why would you have to go through these unnecessary steps in order to 'become' it? If that's what you already are in the first place?"

Liv opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. Maybe Sage had a point.

"Here are my thoughts. If anyone is telling you to 'drop the ego', it's bullshit," Sage chuckled. "The point of Non Dualism is realizing that you were always awareness. You were always the awareness behind everything that seems to appear. The ever-stretching, limitless silence that can take on the form of anything. The ego is just a thought. The idea that you are not already fully realized is also just a thought. In reality, there's no ego or person here to let go of. No person here who needs to become 'fully realized.' Just drop the idea that you are a limited human that has to become something, and you'll be golden."

Liv's jaw dropped to the ground. "You're telling me it was THAT SIMPLE THIS ENTIRE TIME?"

Sage laughed heartily. "Yes it is. Why do you think it took masters like Lester or Sri Nisgardatta months or YEARS to 'realize Self?' because they spent so much time trying to get rid of an ego that doesn't exist!"

Liv let out a sigh of relief. "So there really is nothing to do. I can't believe I exerted all that effort for nothing. I do have one more question, how can I experience whatever I want knowing I'm awareness? I want to be a completely different person with a different past."

"The person you think you are now, and the one you want to be are both illusions. You, as awareness, can 'choose' either one like a costume. Everytime you think about this ideal version of you, you've already experienced it," Sage grinned.

Suddenly a wave of emotions flooded through Liv, a mixture of relief and happiness. She felt the urge to give Sage a tight hug. "Thank you so much for helping me today."

"You're so welcome, sweetie."

Good for Liv, she has finally accepted her omnipotence and freedom to experience anything!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop using scented bath salts?

For background, I am 35 and live with my mom and stepdad in an apartment. We split rent and utilities equitably. I am disabled and spend most of my time in my room. I have the bedroom that has its own bathroom and the rest of the apartment is functionally theirs. I have the use of the kitchen and can go hang out in the living room etc. but they control the space and it contains their belongings almost exclusively. In other words, my room is the only place that's really "mine." My mom has always enjoyed heavy fragrance products (perfumes, plug-ins, etc.) and knows I hate them. I do NOT have an allergy or any medical issue pertaining to them, I just find the smells very unpleasant and in strong enough concentrations a bit nauseating. I mostly accept her doing scent stuff in the main apartment as it doesn't affect my room, but lately she has been taking baths with a scented bath salt (in their bathroom, not mine) that has an intense, overpowering "clean" scent. I have compared it to Lysol, not sure what it's actually supposed to smell like. For reasons I cannot identify, it invades and permeates my room (even with door closed) like no other smell, at an intensity that wakes me up if I'm sleeping, makes it hard to even think straight, hurts my sinuses, and stays like that for hours. I can mitigate this somewhat by opening my window and running the fan but of course it's the middle of winter and 20 degrees outside. So I asked her to stop using this product, and suggested the same brand's fragrance-free variety. After a bit of back-and-forth she agreed to stop but said "I hope you appreciate the sacrifice I'm making, because I really like the way that bath salt makes me smell. So I'm basically giving up my happiness for yours." I said "There are lots of other ways you could make yourself smell nice, right? Maybe a body wash or lotion?" (Note: she has, for my entire life, loved and used lotions, body washes and similar products freely.) She said "No, I don't want to use those. I wanted to use the scented bath salts. But I'll stop so you can have things your way." I keep thinking about her framing this as an equation by which either I could get what I want (room not reek of chemical fragrance) or she could get what she wants (smell how she wants) and she gave up hers so I could get mine. I let the argument go because she'd agreed to what I wanted, but now I'm back and forth between thinking I'm being selfish and thinking she's being melodramatic and manipulative. It seemed more to me like asking a neighbor to turn down their very loud music (are they sacrificing their enjoyment for yours if they comply? or were they just doing something annoying and stopped when asked? is there a difference?) but maybe that's a false equivalence. AITA for getting my mom to stop using the bath salts to get her desired smell because it makes my room miserable?

What are these acronyms?

[lawbin-archive]

Hi, in your opinioni why Oda gave Robin and Law the same Dream?

Hi, first question hehe! :D

With my delulu mind, of course I will say is to let them develop feelings while pursuing their dream, get married after finding one piece and live happily forever the end.

Ok let's be more rational lol.

I read a theory that Law will sacrifice his life for Robin and let her fulfill their dream. To be honest, if I really think logically, there is a chance this might happen but I think is under one condition - Law & Robin be canon romantically before the sacrifice happen.

Even they have the same dream now, they are at most - friends and Law has declared that "They are enemies next time they meet" so if Law sacrifice for Robin, the reasoning is really thin to me. Like why would he do that for "his enemy"? Just because they have the same dream? Do Law trust Robin so much now he can put his life and dream on her? Just because she can read poneglyph? Is he going to sacrifice for Pudding or Sukiyaki too? I just think their bonding *as shown on screen now*, is not enough for him to sacrifice himself. So to be more impactful or to strengthen his will to sacrifice, I can only think of that because they love each other and he is willing to risk his life for her. Of course there are a few example that the character sacrifice without much deep bonding but most of them didn't really die, and I just think if it's Law and with his personality, the reasoning of his sacrifice wouldn't be that thin.

Plus, Robin already faced a lot of sacrifices - the entire Ohara and the scholars, Saul and her mother. Oda please don't be so cruel to her... and please don't be so cruel to Law too... He already lost his country, his family, Corazon and... *please hopefully his crew still alive*. That's just too sad :(

Another theory is that Law is going to sacrifice for Luffy, that actually makes more sense because they saved each other multiple times, Luffy is a D and well - he is Luffy aka nika the sun god LOL but I'm 100% sure that Luffy wouldn't want that. And he wouldn’t want to be immortal. It’s never his goal. I think if Liffy become immortal would be a very off character thing and kind of against Oda’s message in one piece so imo I don’t think Law will use his immortal abilities to Luffy ever.

So to be honest, I don't want them to be canon now lol because I have a feeling they won't have a happy ending after. They can go investigate or flirt as much as they want until the end :P

Back to the question - Then why Oda gave the same dream to Robin and Law? Maybe the answer is simple. Maybe just because it makes sense. Maybe it's because Robin and Law's journey is too lonely, Oda felt there should be someone to pursue with her/him.

Because most of the straw hats have people in their homeland or have friends that can understand their dream: Luffy: Sabo & Ace & his whole crew Zoro: Kuina, Koushirou(his teacher) & Mihawk Nami: Nojiko, Genzo and Bellemere Sanji: Chef Zeff & Baratie Usopp: Kaya, the kids, Broggy & Dorry Chopper: Dr. Kureha & Hiriluk Franky: Iceberg & Galleyla company Brook: Laboon & Crocus Jimbei: Sun pirates & most of the fish-men

Robin: Saul, her mom, Professor Clover & other scholars (which most of them passed away when she was 8)

Only Robin carrying the dream from Ohara and is working toward her goal by herself for a long time, and before egghead she thought Saul was dead too. Law is also similar, he carry his goal (defeat Doflamingo) for 13 years by himself. He even left Heart Pirates in Zou so that it won't hurt them while he is achieving his goal.

So why not let two people that have been chasing their dream alone for a long time, can share their goals and work together now?

Although I delulu a lot, it also might be Oda is planning a romantic relationship between them. I know he said that he won't be focusing on romantic relationship but It's final saga, it makes sense characters developing feelings with each other during adventures and he probably changed his mind throughout the years. Law & Robin are somewhat popular in japan and Asia too. So that's actually possible!

Hopefully that answer your question! I talk a lot lol but I can't really think a strong reason that why he did that. I will keep this in mind and maybe I will come up another reason once I re-read the chapters. Thank you so much for your question!!

[wkandaforever]

the reason it bothers me so much when people say "namor killed shuri's mom" is because that statement is built upon so many assumptions it ends up presenting a false dichotomy and almost completely ignores the characters and the messages in this film

"namor killed shuri's mom" implies that namor, aka the villain, intended to kill the queen, aka the victim. how did he do it? he threw a water bomb at her, and she drowned. end of story. but a recurring theme in this movie is that the how is never as important as the why

we've been following shuri's arc since the beginning of this film, she's going through immense grief, she lost a significant member of her family, and her mother is the only person who she has left, the only person who truly understands her. so when she loses her last pillar of support, she is enraged, and her anger is justified. we empathise with her, when she says she wants to burn the world, when she feels abandoned by her entire family in the ancestral plane, when she says "is my mother's life not worth eternal war?" we believe her when she says namor killed her mother

but we don't get to see the story through namor's perspective, all we have is bits and pieces of information about who the talokanil are based on their introduction as sirens and warriors and their history through namor's own words. but when you begin putting the pieces of the puzzle together you realise just how human the talokanil are. i've spoken before about how envious namor must be of wakanda because of the privilege they hold over talokan. and because the talokanil have faced a lot more adversity than wakanda could ever imagine, they are always prepared for war. they are not oblivious to the truth. colonisation is not a thing of the past. so they have two main motivations, and namor needs to uphold these laws by any and all means necessary: 1) protect their people and resources, and 2) remain hidden

but despite namor's underlying resentment towards wakanda, despite him having more soldiers than wakanda has blades of grass, the first thing he offers them is an alliance. he offers them trust. he shares his story, his land, his people with shuri. he offers her an explanation for his intentions, and speaks to shuri in hopes that she can understand him. and what does shuri do with this gracious offering? she tramples all over it. she betrays his trust, shatters his last ray of hope

we know that shuri tried to stop nakia, asked for her kimoyo beads, tried to save the talokanil guard till the very last moment, knew her death would be seen as an act of war. but namor doesn't see any of it. namor only knows that he failed. he lost his child. to a god, everyone of his children are equal. losing one doesn't hurt any less than losing any more. but his hope blinded him into compromising both of the two laws he was obligated to maintain. so all of the pain, the loss, the grief, and the envy he was repressing this whole time bubbles up to the surface and he thinks to himself, "is my child's life not worth eternal war?"

so namor gives up on his ideas of alliance, attacks wakanda, and intends to kill the scientist. make up for his wrongs by carrying out his initial plan. consumed by vengeance he obliterates everything blocking his path, finds the scientist, sees the queen trying to protect her, doesn't care, and attacks them both

the queen is not a victim. the queen is a saviour. when she first hears about the talokanil attacks she tries to protect shuri by trying to confine her in her lab. then she uses her entire body to shield riri, yells at her to escape but when riri doesn't, she sacrifices herself to prevent her from drowning

and what has shuri been doing this whole time apart from hiding in her lab and rejecting every one of her mother's attempts to reach out to her? she knows that war is coming yet does not prepare reinforcements for the queen. in fact the last thing she does before she loses her mother is hang up on her. but none of these actions seem evil to us. they make sense, we understand her, we get why. she was grieving

but so was namor. wasn't namor grieving too? for more than 500 years?

even killmonger, with all his rage, has the clarity to see what shuri doesn't, that the situation isn't as black and white as it seems. when shuri says "namor killed my mother", he warns shuri against dishonouring her mother by ignoring her voluntary act of sacrifice and labelling her a victim, dying at the hands of a monster, all in vain. he acknowledges queen ramonda's sacrifice, and drive's shuri to avenge her mother's wrongful death. and shuri listens to him, and continues on the cycle of violence. namor attacked wakanda? shuri attacks talokan. eye for an eye

shuri didn't intend to kill the talokanil guard and escape, she intended to come up with a peaceful resolution. namor didn't intend to kill the queen, he intended to ally with wakanda. intentions, motivations, reasons why people do what they do, all of it matters. they are what separate humans from monsters. it's easy to see someone as the hero and the other as the villain when you understand only one side. but it's never that simple, is it?

[roe-sesandthorns]

super salty thoughts about Dr. Strange MoM, spoilers + rant under the cut  warnings: spoilers, duh. really long. not very complimentary. 

did wanda face no consequences for what happened in westview? legitimate question cause i haven’t seen it and only know the plot + story through osmosis. I thought this was the point of the accords and the oversight and the damn civil war.

it physically makes me puke to hear mcu refer to themselves as earth-616 like no. sweeetie, sit back down, ok? you’re earth-1999999  

they went to one other universe, it was a huge waste of potential BUT I can excuse that cause I understand the limitations from a storytelling/runtime/budget pov but still, disappointing 

ok I loved peggy as the first avenger, monica rambeau as captain marvel, and it’s always a pleasure to see patrick stewart and the inclusion of black bolt was cool (idk if he’s been in other marvel media before but that was my first time seeing him)   

but and that’s a big but, the scene where wanda takes on the illuminati and bodies reed + black bolt and then proceeds to fight peggy + monica felt... off. 

like did they remove the two male members deliberately cause? is it sexist? is it a very shallow, trite attempt at #girlbossing? whatever it was, it felt cheap and weird. and completely disrespectful to all those heroes. especially professor x.

ok, i get it, wanda is supposed to be the Big Bad but the way the superheroes in the mcu become totally powerless in other people’s movies just rubs me weird. like she took barely 30 secs to demolish the entire team. and these are the supposed leaders of the illuminati

why the fuck did wanda of earth-834 or whatever have powers? did she have the same arc as mcu-wanda (i’m not using 616 to describe mcu people cause hell no). but then everything in this world was completely different so how does it compute that this wanda had powers and a normal life. did she have her kids with vision? where was vision? if he died like in infinity war then why was this wanda mentally stable? like what changed?   

why the fuck did stephen from the incursion universe and mcu-stephen have the same damn backstory of both having a sister who died? like how is that something that is constant in multiverses? or was it just a lucky coninkydink? 

i have a lot more, but basically i hate their treatment of the multiverse. i think i prefer any other fanfic writer writing about the multiverse cause they do it so much better. 

i’m not even surprised they tried to give wanda a redemption through death/sacrifice arc cause she changed her mind in the last 2 minutes of the film; disappointed but not surprised. 

like girlie has not even redeemed herself for westview, instead she went full on evil supervillain 

fuck off with the “heartwarming” music and there is NO reason for christine to ask after wanda with concern (other than the fact that christine is amazing and a saint and i love her) but contextually she should’ve been like “the scarlet witch?” (scared shitless) 

also, basically, moral of the whole story: stephen strange can only be happy if he has christine in his life. which seems toxic af, like bro. y’all broke up YEARS ago. you tell her at her wedding that you wish she was still with you, or imply it at least. I would’ve decked him if I were her. Like Christine you’re a saint. I mean you invite your friend (whom you dated a long while back) to your wedding and want to introduce him to your husband and he’s like “im sowwy i miss you” like fuck the fuck off, stephen strange, you ass. don’t make this day about you. 

also can we please kill with fire the idea that you need a relationship to be happy. like, srsly. the whole movie reiterates that if he only “got the girl”, he’d be happy, like no honey. go to therapy. find happiness within you. and in others around you. relationships are amazing and i can totally get pining over Chrsitine cause goddamn i’m doing it too, brother, but really. she’s not gonna fix you or fix your life. i want to engrave kate winslet’s speech from eternal sunshine onto the marvel headquarters entrance cause fuck u marvel. 

another beef with the multiverse, no stephen ever dated anyone other than christine? like my dudes, prime opportunity to really explore just how different the universes are, i mean, come on! 

additionally, it makes the ending seem like a queer ending with stephen and wong reiterating their love for e/o and continuing their cohabitation as they raise their teenage adoptive daughter together. like maybe marvel is saying queer-platonic relationships and aro-ace rights. (hahahahhahah as IF.) 

america chavez was the only ray of hope and the only good thing about this movie and that’s only because her character hasn’t had the time to be handled by 12 different pairs of hands and the mouse overlords’ meddling

also can i just say, 0 character growth all around, great job, guys! 

also also, did i miss an entire movie where mordo goes after stephen? no, so that was just supposed to be one of those things that happened in the interim that we just know because of dialogue. great. so, no emotional arc for stephen having to fight mordo, for the clash of their philosophies, for the consequences of stephen’s actions. 

wait, speaking of consequences, what the fuck were stephen’s consequences for no way home? did he have any? he almost fucked up the entire world on a teenager’s say so. like. i mean. it ended ok but ?????

some technical things: the score was overpowering, there was no room to breathe between moments, the effects gave me a damn headache, and there were some weird transitions thrown in that just felt.... one-note. one or two were cool from a story telling point of view but otherwise it was just. meh.  

tldr; the whole mcu is just like, “consequences? don’t know her” and the mcu multiverse is bland, convenience-based, arbitrary, and boring. also, this wasn’t a dr. strange movie, this was a “look shiny cgi, shiny multiverse, isn’t this fight scene cool? omg that’s professor x, look people from other marvel movies/media! how cool!, we’re self-referential! and COOL!” mess

[sharkmessiah101]

What Are You Theory Part1

Mystery of Summer

Hello people, ever since the end of RWBY season 3 I’ve had this theory that Has been playing rent free in my mind for a long time now and I thought I would finally try sharing it with the world, or at least the people of Tumblr. This theory is going to be equal parts speculation and facts/hints I’ve gathered from the show so buckle up and get ready for the ride!

One of the biggest mysteries in Rwby is a question that many fans have is “What happened to Summer Rose?” It’s a mystery that has been left up in the air for close to a decade now and I’m hoping to answer that question now, or at least try to. When it comes to Ruby’s mother we know next to nothing about her other than she was a skilled huntress, a great mother and friend, she was well liked by pretty much everyone, and that she would go on secretive missions that not even Oz knew about. We also know from the song Red Like Roses that Summer made a huge sacrifice and that by making this sacrifice she is forcing a much larger one onto Ruby. Here is where my theory gets a bit speculative, I believe that Summer was never on Ozma/Ozpin’s side I think she was on Salem’s side the entire time.

Now most of you might be thinking I’m crazy after that statement, which you aren’t wrong I am most definitely crazy, but if you think about it it makes sense. We don’t know a lot about Summer other than she’s Ruby’s mom and was a strong huntress. I believe she was raised by Salem to become the perfect spy to infiltrate Beckon. The best part about this statement is that there’s evidence to support it. In volume 7 when Qrow is talking to Ruby about her mother we learn that Summer would go on secret mission that not even Oz knew about, Salem also seems to remember Summer vividly going as far to recall her on not 1 but 2 different occasions. The first being when she’s taunting Ruby at the end of volume 7 and when she responds to Yang in volume 8. Salem is someone who would right off Summer as another Silver Eyed warrior that she’s killed off over the years, yet Salem clearly remember Summer very well. It’s plausible that Salem could have killed Summer’s parents and raised a baby Summer to be ultimate weapon/spy against Oz. Now I know what most of you are thinking, Salem implied that Summer fought her back in volume 7, and yes I am positive that she did however let’s look at that interaction a bit deeper at what was said. Ruby said “We don’t need to kill you to stop you.” and Salem replied “Your mother said this exact words to me. She was wrong too.” At face value that exchange can be taken as Salem turning Ruby’s against her however theirs something to take from this. If Salem is telling the truth then Summer knew that Salem was immortal, something not even Qrow or Ironwood knew. It would make sense that if Summer was apart of Salem’s cult that she would know of Salem’s immortality. Also if we take my theory into count that means Summer betrayed Salem at some point, fighting her for one reason or another and losing her life in the process. I’ll go deeper into what “Sacrifice” Summer made and what sacrifice Ruby will have to make in the other parts of my theory.

Anyways I hope you all enjoyed reading part 1 of my theory and hope your looking forward to part 2.

[outlawadvocate]

look away, MoM soilers ahead!!!

OKAY i have to. HAVE to rant about the case of unwitting misogyny and wonky, warped feminism in the mcu. (by no means hot takes or anything new but GOD IM SO ANGRY I CANT LET IT GO)

please for the love of god cant they stop ruining female characters? any female character worth loving, they find a way to destroy with their icky sense of what womanhood is, im so fucking sick of it. hey, hey marvel!!! it’s not the 1600s!! LEAVE YOUR MADONNA-WHORE COMPLEX BACK WHERE IT BELONGS!! THERE’S NO MORE ROOM FOR ANGEL OF THE HEARTH AND MADWOMAN IN THE ATTIC!!! WE AS A SOCIETY ARE PAST IT!!!

its like, all their portrayals of famous female characters boils down to 3 things: mother, sacrifice, villain. are you fucking jokingggg how many times are they going to write and rewrite the same fucking formula im so tired of it. either they’re “feminist” in a hyper-masculine way, (captain marvel) wherein you deem a female only worthy of being a hero or powerful if she emulates classic masculine traits OR you turn her into sheep for slaughter, sacrifice for the greater good, gives up her own life for the sake of a man who has a family because APPARENTLY hers isnt worth more or at least as much, because she’s a single woman without kids. (natasha my angel) AND THEN, when they’re powerful enough to threaten their male counterparts, marvel makes them unhinged in the worst way possible. the only way to stop and fix everything is for them to die (jean grey my beloved, wanda baby but we know she’s not dead)

like!!! my dudes!! a woman CAN exist and STILL be a woman without wanting the white picket fence family!!! they made black widow feel like shit in every movie cause they kept bringing up how she’s fucking barren. SHE FELT LESS THAN. EXCUUUUSEEE. what does that say??? what are you saying??? and then, of course, sacrificial womanhood, took her fucking life.

captain marvel??? ya’ll know why she flopped?? because they tried SO hard to make her a man. and now fucking wanda, THE most powerful witch in the universe, and she’s been reduced to soccer mom. like, that’s her only motivation. are you fucking joking. 

give female characters more reasons, better motivations to be heroes AND villains. none of this my daddy didnt love as much as you so i’ll wreak havoc (hela) or i want my babies so i’ll fuck up the world (nevermind the overabundance of trauma she has suffered her entire fucking life)

and at the end of the day love saves the day!! no. absolutely not. do better mcu.

[automatismoateo]

i hate easter sunday... via /r/atheism

i hate easter sunday... (marked nsfw for mentions of su*cide) So my (20F) family wanted me to come back to our sister's house for easter break, and originally I didn't wanna go but had to because I had other errands to do and going just made them easier. My family knows I'm atheist, but they pretend I'm not and then act all stupid when I say I don't wanna go to church with them. I've always had issues with them forcing me to go to church (especially my mom), but there's only been a couple times where I've been successful in staying home. Today is one of those days, but it didn't go too well. The church service was at 9:30am, and they wanted to leave at 9am. I only take like 10-15 minutes to get ready in the morning because I don't really do makeup or get super dolled up (especially for church, obvi), so I didn't feel like getting up until at least a bit after 8:30am. My mom woke up at 6am and my sister woke up at 7am to get ready. Every now and then, they were yelling at me to get up, but I would just check the time and go back to sleep. At one point, my mom said, "You can't just sleep in through everything. How are your bosses gonna feel if you can't get up for work?" Like, first of all, it's only 8am, and I'm not gonna wake up that early just to be ready that fast and then wait for something I don't even wanna go to. Secondly, I actually wanna GO to my dream job, so I don't have any problem getting up for that. Church has made me depressed and su*cidal for 5 years now (I started s/h before my birthday in February), but college hasn't; I think it's pretty obvious which one I'd rather go to. Eventually, I got tired of them being condescending and just decided to sleep in and not go. When I was half asleep, I heard this conversation... Mom: "OP, we have to leave in 13 minutes. Why aren't you getting up?" Sister: "Is she seriously not getting up? I swear she does this every time..." Mom: "There's just no way to reason with her." Sister: starts crying and screaming "OP are you seriously not gonna go to church?! I'm supposed to be singing in the choir today and you're ruining it by not even being there!" Sister (to Mom): "Why can't she just think of someone other than herself for once..." Even though I've wasted my entire mental health trying to make THEM happy by going to church... Sister: "UGHHHH now I'm crying and my makeup looks horrible. I feel ugly now because you won't wake up. Now my throat hurts from crying. You of all people should know how hard it is to sing with a bad throat, OP!" For clarification, I'm a music ed major. So, yes, I've had my days where singing was rough from sickness, crying, or whatever. I was still half asleep (so I couldn't move or anything) when she walked over and yelled, "I know you can hear me, OP! Just get up already!" Then my mom said, "Don't bother; she's not gonna listen. We'll talk to her about it when we get back." As they were walking out the door, my sister said, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to walk into church after you've been crying?" And then they left. I do know how embarrassing it is to cry in church...because I do it every time I'm FORCED to go... It just annoys me that they think me not wanting to go to church is just me being lazy and inconsiderate, when I'm really just burnt out from all the sacrifices I'm forced to make for them. I wish I could just leave early, but I can't until tomorrow. I hate how today is supposed to be a day of "rebirth" for christians, yet they decide to treat me like that. I just wish I could cut them out of my life already... Submitted March 31, 2024 at 04:44PM by uwu_bunny_boo (From Reddit https://ift.tt/USGugMa)

[vtori73]

I don't like being a part of fandoms... a lot of them are annoying and seem weirdly entitled, and/or don't understand the actual thing they are consuming and make that everyone else's problem. I can't look at fandoms reactions to JJK too much, it annoys the PISS out of me. Even some critiques I've seen have been piss poor, someone literally said the female characters contribute nothing to the story and if you removed them the story wouldn't change and while I agree they could have more significance to the entire overall story that's NOT remotely the same as having no contribution to it whatsoever! A lot of things would be different story wise without various woman characters in it.

I also wish more people would recognize that it's entirely possible or even most likely that Gege is probably being censored by editors and such as well. My sister once mentioned to me how Jojo ba creator was actually trying to have a female lead sooner and one in particular (Giovanni) was actually supposed to be a girl but they wouldn't let him. So, taking that into consideration and the whole Maki ark I wouldn't be surprised if they basically were like "okay that's enough, focus on the men now," ESPECIALLY considering Gege doesn't really do fan service and how much shonen LOVES sexualizing female characters.

But, anyway, going back to the above, the story would actually be pretty different without some of the various female characters and I'm going to write out how and why here. First the big one being Maki, without Maki the Zenin clan would be alive still and that wouldn't be a great thing for the JJK world if they were and Naoya and curse Naoya wouldn't be dead either (technically her Mom killed human Naoya but still counts since you know, her mom is a woman). Without Nobara Mahito wouldn't have been as easy for Yuji and Todo to deal with, Mahito literally talks about how Nobara was a big threat to him and how she weakened him and if she hadn't who knows what would have happened to them (and no it hasn't been confirmed she's dead). Nobara had also become a big part of Yuji's life, she is one of the many people who has effected Yuji's state of mind and resolve (and before anyone goes " boo, girl character dying for boys character growth..." be honest you fuckers she is literally maybe the only female character thats "died/dispperaed for Yuji sake" while so many others have as well and are boys/men and so the critique doesn't really hold up anymore). Shoko is pretty important to the school and people around her due to being a healer (and that being a very rare skill) and a doctor, she isn't shown a lot and her role isnt as important to the story specifically but it would be a lie to say she isn't important to the characters around her and things would be change a bit if she wasn't there, I would need to reread her parts though to go into more detail. Mai also has a significant role to play in Maki's story and if she wasn't there I don't think Maki would exist as the character she is now. Mai dying for Makis story is not at all equivalent to the trope of woman dying for boys/mens character development because for one thing Maki is a girl (obviously), but it also important to note that if the gender of Mai was changed to a boy the whole story around them would have been drastically different and wouldn't work to the same degree if does with Mai. Sure some would probably like to have seen a brother sacrifice himself for his sister but the reason for it being due to a misogynistic household and her killing them all in revenge and as a promise to her sister would no longer be an event in play and thus not as strong an impact to the reader & story. Some might say, well maybe Maki could have just done it for herself instead of for her sister and... sure she could have but then that's a completely different character.

I could go on but I don't really feel the need to and also I'm getting tired of writing this. Anyway, the point is if you HONESTLY honestly think the girl/woman characters could just disappear from the story and we would still somehow get the SAME story I... I don't know what to say besides you obviously haven't actually read the story you supposedly are/were a fan of and maybe should just read something more simple next time (and maybe also stop reading comics aimed specifically at boys while ur at is as well).

Also, yeah I don't actually read/watch a lot of shonen because I don't expect manga/anime aimed at boys to appeal to me and it often doesn't.

Also, also, sort of related but I do find it funny that people still get upset enough to hate the story/creator or even just drop it when characters die or something even though this has been an established theme and story element for a while now. Again , fans are just too entitled and should just calm the fuck down.

And.. no, I will never claim JJK is progressive or feminists because it could do better BUT I also don't think it is nearly as bad as some people try to make it out to be. It's at best neutral to me and I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, honestly I think it's all we can expect from a shonen tbh because of how censored they can be about not going over a certain line because it has to specifically be aimed at boys. And, look, maybe it's not censored but I have a hard time believing it hasn't been to some sort of degree when it comes to the woman characters considering all I've heard about how the editors and such are about girls/woman in general. Also, I know people want to be nice about it and even some will go so far as claim that it is racist or something to say Japan is uniquely sexist and while, yes, the world in general is sexist it's not wrong at all to say or point out that Japan DOES have a pretty big misogyny problem (like im talking about statistics/data). A lot of people just want to partake in Japanese media without actually having to critically think of where specifically it's coming from and what that might mean.

And, honestly it doesn't help that something I've noticed recently is how many aren't willing to acknowledge the possibility that a LOT of y'all fetishize Japan and Japanese culture (specifically in this case the manga/anime) similar to how kp0p fans are with their fav singers and such. But that's not the main point of this so I'm just going to stop there.

[percontaion-points]

Can we fix it?! Maybe! Everlife series

Time for another instalment called “Can We Fix It?!” where I attempt to walk through what I’d to to make a series be not so terrible. 

I finished the Everlife series, so… Can we fix it?

The answer is maybe! Let’s take a crack at it. Buckle up guys, because this is going to be a long read...

First and foremost, the series’s biggest weakness is that there was never any actual reasoning for the wars. Heaven and Hell were fighting, and the readers were simply supposed to accept this and move on. I don’t think that I would even attempt to write anything without understanding the motive behind the actual plot. 

Right off the top of my head, I can’t exactly think of any reason. But I’m sure if you pressed me about the issue, I could summon up a few possible ideas. 

Next is the “holier than thou” level of hypocrisy from Troika. It didn’t really start kicking off until the second book, but it’s something that’s kind of been bugging me. 

See, in the beginning of the story, Ten is in a place specifically designed to torture literal children into compliance. Ten speaks of the guards and Dr. Vans himself raping the literal children prisoners, of torturing them in various ways…

If Troika is supposed to be this beacon of all that is holy, of stopping injustices that happen in the Harvest Lands (aka on earth, to the living)... Why was this torture and rape factory allowed to even function at all? 

Since Ten’s family are Myriad, and obviously have this huge contract that Ten would sign with them as soon as she was old enough to pick, I can see if the entire thing was some sort of underground Myriad human punishment thing. But it wasn’t. And the fact that Archer went in there to help protect Ten indicates that Troika 100% knew about it… But actively CHOSE not to do anything. 

And you know Ten wasn’t the first unsigned who was being tortured in there. Fuck those people, I guess. They don’t matter, because they aren’t THE CHOSEN ONES. 

Speaking of the Chosen One, I really hated that aspect of the story. Especially in the first book, and into the second. The reason why characters like Katness work so well is because there is 100% nothing special about her. She made a sacrifice to save her sister, and then kind of went “Well, since I’m here, I guess I’ll be the figurehead of this rebellion.” 

Ten was nothing more than a passive participant in her own life through a book and a half. Which is really saying a lot, considering that this was a fucking trilogy! She kind of went along with what whomever person in authority at any given time told her to do… And she kept doing this even after she was in Troika. The only reason why she even decided to try and stop things was mainly because she couldn’t have kissy times with Killian. 

In order to fix a lot of problems with the first book, I would have started off with Ten when she was a lot younger. Maybe a year or two before she reached the age of her decision, and built it up to be a big thing. This would give me time to establish the world, and to kind of explain to the reader through the Troikian and Myriad representatives why she should sign with them. 

But I would also interspice this with her going home after a day spent at the Troika learning centre, and her dad getting angry and saying that the only choice she has is Myriad. He doesn’t actually hit her, but he’ll say this in such a way that leaves no doubt in the minds of the readers that this is a man who is only holding himself back simply because you don’t hurt your golden goose. 

There would also be a heavy implication that he’s not holding himself back with his wife. Like I want everybody to understand that Ten’s mom is a broken shell of what she once was. Maybe mention abandoned art projects that were collecting dust or something. That she holes herself up most days, and has lost a lot of weight recently. 

When Ten turns… How old was it? Let’s say 18 is the age of choosing. I would paint it as this big cultural moment. You know, much in the same way that we have stuff like bar and bat mitzvahs and sweet 16 and such. Like maybe not so much of a huge blow-out party, but it’s this huge turning point in everybody’s life, where they must sign with one side or another. 

Any actual worldbuilding in this story was seriously lacking, especially from the human side of things. 

I would have also sprinkled in some hints about the anti-choice group. The people who are like “You both suck! We’re not joining you!” But on the morning of Ten’s 18th birthday, she wakes up before her father does, leaves the house, and goes to the address on some flyer she found. And it’s this headquarters of these people who are like “Down with the realms! They only see you as expandable! Why should you be expected to become a servant starting from your 18th birthday, slave away for them on earth, only to die and SLAVE AWAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR AFTERLIFE?!” As you can imagine, Ten would be like “You might be onto something here!”

She goes home after a couple of hours, where her father gets angry with her for having delayed her “choice”, despite the fact that it’s obvious he doesn’t want her to actually have one. At this junction, I’d want to highlight the idea that Ten puts her foot down against her father’s control over her for the first time in her life. But this causes him to physically harm her for the first time. I want it to be violent, and I want the reader to feel immensely uncomfortable over the entire thing. 

So Daddy-dearest ships Ten off to the Myriad-run torture and rape factory that I mentioned earlier. But it’s at this point that the mother snaps, and starts to pull some strings in an effort to try and save her child. 

At this point, the readers are finally introduced to Archer as he goes undercover at this place. I wouldn’t include the business with Bo, because that was the stupidest fucking shit, and it served no actual point. But as he’s talking with her, trying to figure out the series of events that landed her there, he’s like “Why are you so special? Why is your dad so set on ensuring that you end up in Myriad?” Like he is genuinely confused; she’s simply some girl. No CHOSEN ONE here. 

Killian would be there too, trying to seduce her and to be her friend. But none of that “candlelit dinner” bullshit; that was fucking derranged. Ten is quick to figure out that Archer is an angel, sent to help her out. But not with Killian until later. 

So they do the break-out scene, and that’s when Killian’s true colours start to show. Ten is obviously leaning more and more towards Troika, because like… They don’t have secret underground torture clubs. And Archer isn’t openly lying to her about his expectations. Killian doesn’t give a shit so long as he signs Ten, but Archer genuinely wants whatever is best for Ten… Even if at some point, she decides that she does want to sign with Myriad. 

But Ten refuses to sign with Troika, even after all that she’s gone through. Because despite Archer’s help in her escape, she’s been thinking a lot about what the anti-choice people had to say. That there’s no reason why people should be forced to give up literally their entire lives for shitfucks who don’t care about you. That you’d be forced to be another cog in the system… Forever and ever until the end of time, Amen. 

However, it’s her continuing refusal to sign that forces Ten to go on the run. Myriad sends more soldiers after her, to grab her and force her hand again. At this point, we can introduce side characters such as Clay and Sloan. 

From there, I think that they’d go on the run, like they had in the book. Except that instead of going to a safe house with some sort of “fallen angel” that was literally never talked about again… I’d really hammer in the entire “fallen angel” business. Some contact of Archer’s from like a thousand years earlier. Really hammer in the idea that these people are immortals, right?

Anyway, this guy is one of the contacts for the anti-choice people. Like he’s seen so much that he’s turned away from it all, and doesn’t even mind being kicked out of Heaven, if only because it’s all fucking bullshit anyway. And obviously this would be how Ten and the reader learn a lot of plot-relevant information. Whatever that might end up being. 

The fallen angel would send Ten from safe house to safe house. But in the end, I do like the idea that she ran off because somebody slipped her a message about her mom. 

Now, the subplot with the pregnancy and Jeremy was honestly kind of dumb and it never went anywhere. So instead, it would simply be the dad using mom as leverage in order to get one last shot at his wayward daughter. 

And I think that the big climax should be that it was actually the father who killed his own daughter, rather than Sloan. 

Now, the direction for the second book could possibly go in two different ways. I was thinking “if you wanted to fix it to be pretty similar to the first book”. But then as I was contemplating this, I was like “Wouldn’t it be fun if the reason why she was being hunted so desperately by Myriad was because Ambrosine coveted her for a bride?” 

Mainly because I refuse to believe that in the millions of years that Troika had been around, nobody had ever once figured out how to turn other people into conduits OR architects. That was so fucking dumb. 

Anyway, so springboarding off from the second idea, I think that it would be like a Persephone and Hades thing. Where no matter what happened with Ten, she would still somehow get dragged down to Myriad. Maybe Ambroisine ends up being the love interest, and both Killian and Archer were nothing but supporting characters. Maybe Killian is actually the real king of hell. That could be fun, too. 

However, choosing to not do that, and sending Ten to Troika instead, I feel like there wouldn’t necessarily be any reason not to have her hook up with Archer. Maybe the entire first book would be nothing but her waffling between the most important decision of her life… Not which afterlife she goes to, but which guy she wants to be with forever. Hey now, I never once said that my fix was going to turn this into high-brow literature. It’s still a YA dystopia. 

But, for my Killian-stans out there, I think that the Romeo and Juliet aspect is fine, too. That the reason why she wants to fight back so hard is because she simply wants to be with him. However, I would totally lean way more into the source material of the star crossed lovers aspect. Make so many Shakespear jokes. Not so much that she’d be obsessed with the play, but like… she’d be hanging out in a rose garden and be like “Even the scent of these roses reminds me of Killian. Do you think that he’s looking up at the sun right now, the same as I am?” Do better, authors. If I can come up with this analogy in five seconds without smacking you in the face with “Wherefore art thou, Romeo?”, then so can you. 

Moving forward into the actual plot of the second and even the third book is a lot harder to narrow down without proper worldbuilding. But no matter what, Ten would want to stop the war. 

The only thing that I can comment about how the book shouldn’t end, is that for sure “the power of love!!!!!!!!!!!” shouldn’t be the answer. I’m not saying that love isn’t a powerful emotion. But maybe don’t have it be the duex ex machina for the end of your series. 

However, I will make an accept to that statement if “love is a powerful magic” is something that’s already known in Troika. Like what if in order to charge up magic spells (fireball, heal, etc) you have to think about different people you love? That could be fun. Maybe Myriad magic revolves around hate. 

Anyway, these are simply some spitballed ideas on how I would personally fix mainly the first book and a little bit of the second book. 

I don’t have the time or emotional energy to actually write this series, however. But if reading through this sparked some sort of plot bunny in your head, by all means. You don’t have to message to ask for permission; you’re allowed to use any of these ideas! But you can message to bounce ideas off of me. And please, for the love of sanity, let me read when you’ve finished!

[ryssabrin]

the thing that's so frustrating to me about the way the writing for the female characters has gone downhill in jjk ever since perfect preparation is that it would take very little effort and time for gege to expand on the women to make them so much more multi-dimensional and satisfying.

with yuki, he could have expanded on how she chose to not merge with tengen (if that is how that played out), and how her actions are partially driven by guilt because if she had merged, kenjaku wouldn't be able to enact their plans. it would play into her telling choso to live "as a human" because that's the choice that she herself made. it would give her death more meaning because even though she refused to sacrifice herself to tengen, she will still defend humanity and the world she believes in with her life. i don't know if that's what gege was going for with her and maybe we'll still see more of yuki who knows, but that wouldn't have taken all that much panel space esp when so much was devoted to choso's feelings towards kenjaku.

with hana, there is ever so slightly something there about her growing up in an analogue for an abusive, neglectful home. i find it interesting that gege wrote her as fixating specifically on shiro's tail as the thing that led her away. it immediately drew to my mind the story about a sinner climbing their way out of hell on a spider's thread, idk why. the metaphor doesn't really fit (it's more about people believing the only way to salvation is to deny others the same path) but the imagery is similar. and there's potentially a point about how when people are only shown hatred and abuse, they will fixate on a single shred of kindness shown to them (often from the same person who is abusing them even), and so it's not unreasonable for hana to fixate on megumi despite his very minimal involvement in her life. but all of this is inferred! i have no way of knowing that's what gege was going for. he seems interested in narratives about how different people deal with abuse, esp children, but her character was barely elaborated on. would have been more tragic if that was her whole deal and that it ended up being her downfall because sukuna used it against her, but as it stands it seems like it was just a crush.

and then tsumiki. the entire pay off of her character is to reveal she's been possessed the whole time so megumi can have a breakdown and sukuna can make his move. that's it. does she get to have agency? nope! i was in such denial over it because i was fully expecting the tsumiki twist and there were so many reasons why tsumiki might turn out to be not what megumi thought as an awakened sorcerer and how that would shake his entire world. the sleeping beauty damsel in distress waking up and informing the noble hero, "no thanks actually, i wanna be a powerful sorcerer and fuck up a death game" is a much better subversion than what we got. again, maybe gege will do something interesting with yorozu but i don't know what he could do to paper over the botched tsumiki reveal. at this point i'm going full tin foil and i think that's actually what he originally intended but it would have taken a couple of extra chapters to get right and he wants to finish the series faster so he cut it and replaced her with an incarnated sorcerer. i feel like there's enough set up where it would have worked and made sense but he just. didn't do it.

and even though i love perfect preparation and maki, gege still could have spent more time on mai and their mother. i know he was even more rushed and in ill health at the time so i'll give him some grace, but that arc would have been just that much stronger if we got a little time from mai's perspective and how she's given up on the zen'in clan and understands maki's position more or from their mom's perspective and how she failed her daughters but chooses to make it up to them in her final act and supports maki's actions because she always understood how wrong the clan was even though she participated in it. all of that is just under the surface in the arc and wouldn't have taken that much more time to pull out.

i don't even know what to say about nobara. i keep thinking she has to come back in some way at this point because why be so coy about it for so long? but again was she just a casualty of gege wanting to finish the story faster? she was originally going to play a bigger role but got cut for time? was maki just always gege's female lead and he was never attached to nobara anyways? who knows!

like there's so much i love about jjk as a story and its themes that i have to step back and realize that a lot of it is projected. but it doesn't have to be! it's just a shame that gege wants to get the story done quickly so badly that these little elements get tossed aside.

anyways. just had to rant a lil bit. i do still love jjk and i think what gege does with the rest of the story is still very good and i have high hopes for how he will end it. it's still very fun to read along every week and i would still very much recommend it. (and honestly tbh maki's arc alone for a shounen series is pretty fucking great and it even deals explicitly with misogyny and patriarchy in a quite frankly radical way and that's really fucking cool!) just kinda sucks that there's this one little aspect of it that falls short you know?

[itsays]

.

[comradekatara]

if azula had said “I can’t remember my mother’s face. as hard as I try to picture her, all I can see is zuko” (which obviously azula would never say because she would never want to admit to missing ursa or having any weaknesses of course, but you get it) everyone would’ve been like “oh she can no longer associate her mother with anything other than her sacrifice. she can only remember what her mother did for her brother, and now they are inextricably linked in her mind, so she does not realize the ultimate tragedy that she actually does see her mother every time she looks in the mirror, because she has her mother’s face.”

but of course, that’s exactly what sokka said about his mother, who sacrificed herself to save katara. and now katara feels a massive responsibility to honor that sacrifice, while in turn, sokka bears the responsibility of keeping katara safe, so when he tries to think about his mother, all he can think of is katara and the central role she plays in their narrative. in this sense, they are both adopting kya’s legacy: katara must be kya to prove that her sacrifice was not in vain, and sokka must be kya in sacrificing himself for katara.

when sokka says he cannot picture his mother’s face, what we know as the audience (although not upon a first viewing, because “the southern raiders” is crucial to contextualizing the present dynamic of this family) is that he has his mother’s face. thus, when he tries to picture his mother’s face, his own face, all he can see is katara, because he has sublimated his own identity and selfhood for her ever since kya’s death demonstrated the very real consequences of what katara’s status as the last southern waterbender meant for their family and their people. while katara’s duty is to remember, to carry on that legacy, sokka’s duty is to repress, to deny himself anything outside of his responsibility to katara.

when he says that katara is the one who’s always been there, the one who held their family together after kya’s death, of course she did, because katara was the reason behind kya’s death, so of course katara’s very existence, the fact that she survived, is what gave them the hope to keep going. not to mention that katara knowing that her mother sacrificed herself for her made her feel the need to be her mother, to prove herself and fill that new hole in their family.

katara is all sokka sees because she is the most important thing in his life bar none. sokka cannot picture himself without seeing katara, because she is his identity far more than he has any understanding of himself as an individual. sokka can only understand himself in terms of what he can do for others, and katara is the primary figure in his life and has been for a very long time. he does not see her as a mother, he sees her as his mother, in that he sees her as kya, due to the exact nature of his family history and legacy, but if people think that means that he is somehow careless with katara, that is exactly wrong, and their interpretation of what he said is incredibly reductive because it does not take into account the rest of their relationship as it is depicted in the show, which illustrates why sokka said what he said and why he feels the way that he does.

katara is not a mom, she is not sokka’s mom, she is not aang’s mom, she is not toph’s mom, she is not even momo’s mom! she is her own mom, because she needs to be, because she needs to carry on kya’s legacy and the legacy of her tribe—and that in and of itself is fucking tragic, so terribly heartbreaking, such a weighty burden for a little girl who does not deserve to have to carry the grief and hope of her entire people. so yes, she is her own mom—but she is not anyone else’s.

[eremiie]

aot 139 rant bc i dont think ppl r understanding this chapter lmao

i’ve been seeing a lot of people hate on this chapter and call it a bad ending and everything so i’m here to break it down for the ones who aren’t understanding what’s going on and think it was a shit ending LMFAO

okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.

eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.

so lets break down these panels;

panels 1-13 consists of the whole talk with armin. eren basically tells armin that everything that happened wasn’t by will, it was laid out for him, it was the path he needed to take in order to free his friends and free ymir.

think about this— this was destined for eren from the beginning. 

his plan wasn’t to have the rumbling destroy the whole earth, it wasn’t for any of his friends to die (he wasn’t even aware that some of them died), it wasn’t for anything besides for them to defeat him so that they can be free.

he sent a titan out to eat his mom because bertholdt dying would’ve fucked up the plan, he would strategically send memories down to his younger self, armin getting the colossal titan, eren telling mikasa he hated her, everything was according to plan— it was a part of the script that he needed to follow.

panels 14-16 consist of eren talking about mikasa. eren basically tells armin he doesn’t want her to move on form him, and he wants to live a long life with his friends and her. and that he doesn’t want to die.

people say this is out of character for eren— people don’t think that he has ever had feelings for mikasa, and it’s hard to see, i’ll give you that.

but people also fail to realize that relating back to panels 1-13, eren had something set out for him to do, the last thing he was thinking about was love. of course as a kid mikasa came off as overbearing, and she was, he had other things to worry about other things to accomplish— there was no time to reciprocate feelings. 

that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, because he does, and i don’t even mean so in a romantic OR platonic way. the gist is he loves her period, and her love is reciprocated in the best way he can.

and you have to remember that eren knows he’s about to die when his time with armin is up, he’s getting frantic and desperate— everything's dawning on him, he gets a little time to actually sit down think and talk about mikasa.

eren loves mikasa whether it be platonically or romantically, and that kind of hits him in that moment, and this is coming from someone who hasn’t always shipped eremika.

panels 17-21 consists of eren basically saying to atone for his “sins” it’a only right for him to die too and that armin will be the one to save humanity.

pretty self explanatory, but once again this was planned out, eren was gonna paint the eldians to be the heros, and eren did his whole mass murder plan for their sake, not his.

panels 22-39 eren completes his mission, the curse of ymir is broken, and im sure that at somewhat the same time that he was talking to armin through paths he was sending the same message of what he was doing to everyone else— since all eldians are connected through paths. that’s how they all found out and that’s why they all resonated with eren. it needed to be let know that he isn’t a bad guy, especially with real people running around thinking he is LMAO

panels 39 and onward, everyone moves on, they’ll live out their lives with the freedom that eren granted them.

this is mikasa’s character development, she’s finally able to move on and live her life without eren. she’s allowed to mourn, she’s allowed to be sad, hell— they’re about to have eren’s funeral, that’s one reason she’s there. 

i say this is her character development because the first time eren died she was ready to die herself, but now that eren has actually died she’s not trying to go out with him— she’s mourning, and she misses him, but she’s trying her best to live her life with the freedom eren granted her.

she grows out her hair again that she always kept short for eren. to me that says a lot albeit how minor that detail is.

i’m not gonna say eren necessarily got reincarnated as a bird but i’ll say that these birds we see in attack on titan represent eren, and that’s why the bird tugs on her scarf, it’s like eren letting her know that he’s still with all of them and that he’s happy that they’re happy.

it’s tragic, that our main character who sought freedom the whole entire time doesn’t get to experience it himself, but it shows how sacrifices have to be made, that shonens don’t always have to be about winning. that there are tragic heroes, and everyone has a story to tell.

attack on titan teaches you lessons, it gives you an insight on life— and if you let this ending ruin the whole series for you because you fail to grasp the whole concept, every character, and every plot element, that is on you.

so thank you, isayama for creating and sharing such a beautiful story, because this series will live in my heart forever, and so will eren— he’s such a complex well written character and it’s sad to see that not everyone can understand him.

anyways ty for listening to my rant if you made it all the way through, gn <3.

[trylobite]

currents, part one

                                        journal entry # 42

                     may 3, 1998 - 4 days before graduation

looking back on the countless hours spent loving and being loved by pj these last two years, i never imagined things would end like this. i never thought i would end things like this.  

we have been fighting more and more recently. he thinks im unhappy, everyone thinks im unhappy. fuck, even i thought i was unhappy with him for a while, but I don’t think that’s it. It may sound totally juvenile and cliche, but I think im too happy with pj, and its becoming so terrifying. why are the best things always so fucking terrifying?

the love we share is bursting from my every seam and that’s why i can’t continue. i love him so much, so truly but, after days of contemplation i’ve concluded that despite being surrounded by all this love, i feel so dejected. i want to be a good person and love people with my entire soul, and right now, i don’t fucking know anything, especially not the importance of loving and cherishing someone else for all that they are. thats what i do know.

i dont think it insane of me to say that i don’t want to look back on this relationship years from now, having not ended it, and us both be miserable.

the devastating thing is, if that were the outcome, i don’t think he would leave me like im about to leave him. he’s too selfless. i don’t want to do it, truly i don’t. i don’t want to murder his spirit in the process of figuring out who i am, but is it nobler to sacrifice myself for the man i love the most and never be able to give him the love he deserves in return?

maybe that was too poetic, but dear journal, i really mean it.

i know what i must do, it was bound to happen. i just can’t let myself hurt him anymore. i know that once im gone, he will be happier.

—— october 30, 2000 ——

i breathe in deeply letting the crisp, autumn, pennsylvania air fill my lungs.

ever since graduation ive been up north in the glum state of maine trying to connect with myself. i tried college up there for a few weeks but dropped out because all it was doing was adding to the stress and heartbreak i was putting myself through.

inever told anyone where i was going, just my parents so they could send money every now and then. but to everyone else, i sort of…disappeared.

i spent most of my time in maine with my neighbor, edith. shes this feisty little hippie lady in her mid 60’s, and she took me in when i was at my lowest. edith runs a quaint little bakery in town, which she sort of manipulated me into working at, but to be honest i’ve never minded. she has a luxurious garden thats full of herbs and spices used in her shop. we have spent many hours back there in her garden just talking, crying, laughing,. she taught me so much about the mysterious ways humans live and adjust. she would tell me stories from her life that taught her about empathy, love, betrayal, and remorse. i’ve learned a lot from ole edith and for that i will forever be in her debt.

edith is actually the one who convinced me to come back after all this time, to my home town. i didnt want to, for reasons obvious to both edith and i, but as i hinted at before, once edith wants something shes relentless. she told me to come and visit for a few days over halloween weekend, and if it was horrible i could give her a call and she would buy my train ticket back immediately. i reluctantly packed my bags and rang my parents to tell them the news.

so here i am, in the backseat of my family car that we have had since I was 10 years old, I can still smell the cigarette smoke from when my mom was an avid chain smoker in the early 90’s. i have the window down letting the sharp, icy wind swirl my hair all about my face. my headphones are blaring against my ears so loud that im almost positive my parents could hear the music over the wind. i’ve been playing matchbox twenty’s “yourself or someone like you” album on repeat the entire train ride here, and I don’t know if it’s the nauseating loneliness in rob thomas’ voice blasting into my head for hours or if it’s the weight that these familiar streets carry but im starting to feel very anxious and lightheaded the closer we get to home.

i let go of a shaky breath i didn’t know i was holding as we pass the skate park me and the boys spent a million nights at fucking around, smoking, getting drunk. i would always complain when steve brought his “magic dust”, but pj always promised if anything happened, he would make sure i was taken care of. bam and ryan always just laughed in my face and told me to loosen up, fucking assholes.  

bam margera has been my best friend ever since i can remember. we grew up next door to one another, and with no other neighboring houses being as close as ours are, it was inevitable that we would become attached at the hip. we would always hunt for bugs and crawfish down in the creek by my house and use them to scare his mom, april. i remember when ryan dunn moved to west chester, it was like our team was finally complete. we were literally the three musketeers, and no one could separate us. my mom always hated the fact her sweet little angel was being turned rotten by some gross little boys, but i think she grew to love them as much as i did over the years. our parents thought that once we hit puberty the three of us would naturally fall apart, but i think the awkwardness and uncomfortable changes of puberty only brought us closer. our interests obviously did start to differentiate more, like bam and ryan got into skating and bmx, and i got more into reading and writing, but it never caused a rift. they were my brothers, until the very end. until i left.  

i remember the day they introduced me to the rest of their friends. i only ever hung out with bam and ryan on our own, but i knew of their other friends through the stories they would tell me. that day bam and ryan said they were going to take me to the skate park to show me this “gnarly trick” that bam had finally mastered.

i always found it amusing because the guys absolutely refused to go to the actual skate park in town, we always went to this abandoned pool in the outskirts of the suburb that bam had declared their territory the beginning of freshman year.

i wanted to be supportive of his hobbies, so i went willingly, but turns out there was no trick and i had been lied to. i was greeted by many new faces that day, one being a face i will never forget.

i shake the memory of our first meeting from my mind as my dad pulls into the driveway. the lawn is decorated with the ghost decorations the boys and i made years ago for a halloween bonfire. i frown at the memory, wishing i could get amnesia to forget all these good things ive left behind. as i step out of the car my shoes make a squishy noise against the orange and yellow leaves that have fallen into the driveway. there are puddles soaking the pavement, turning it into a dark and depressing gray. mom told me over the phone yesterday about all the rain they have been getting lately. seems like even the weather in west chester was preparing for my arrival.

i look over to bams house and try to suppress the ache bubbling up in my chest. i don’t want to be here; I feel like my happiness is being slowly sucked out through ribs.

ever since i left this shitty little town ive been able to grow and become a better version of myself but being back has already started to affect me. i don’t want to revert back to the person that ive worked so hard to let go of, i want to be free from that life and those mistakes.

the whipping of birds playing above my head pulls me from my internal monologue and with my head hung low, i creep up the driveway. my hand touches the ice-cold knob, but something stops me from entering. I can’t put my finger on what exactly, but then I hear it, the faint rhythmic buzzing from the bass of someone’s car getting closer and closer. my eyes fly to the top of the hill near the end of the street, and I can feel my heart start beating harder and a knot growing larger in my stomach. for a split second i can’t differentiate between the bass vibrating the air around me and the deafening knocking of my heart at my ears. as the car came barreling down the street, my body starts to weaken and i feel as if all my bones have been replaced with jello.

they were in chris’s van, and they were listening to some weird band that bam was obsessed with (if i had to guess) on the loudest volume possible and with all of the windows down. i knew i needed to stop looking and go inside before I got caught, but something about seeing them acting so…normal…without me wouldn’t allow me to look away. however, that feeling is soon washed away by a tender ache piercing through my chest.

the pout on my lips is suddenly replaced with an emotionless, cold expression as i spot pj in the back seat. despite the look on my face, my heart has never felt so sore. his warmth is radiating through the car’s windows, and i feel like i can almost hear his rich, gravelly voice ringing in my ears. I can still remember the way his cologne would mix around in the air and fill my lungs with pine and cigarette smoke. I can still feel his soft palm and calloused fingers brushing along my lips and cheek, and his soft pink lips dancing over my jaw and down my neck. this is all too much.

as they pull into the driveway next door, i watch them file out of the van and into the garage. I take a second scanning over all of them, seeing new tattoos and new injuries. they were all there, from what i could see. chris, steve, ehren, dave, ryan, bam, and pj.

when I finally give my eyes permission to look at pj, i am met with those beautiful dark brown pools, that once held so much admiration for me. they were now full of confusion and anger.

it took me a second to even realize he had noticed me and from that point on all i could focus on was escaping the situation. i swing my backpack over my shoulder and rush for the front door, but by the time i pass through the threshold of my childhood home, full of so many memories, i knew the secret was already out.

© blackjello, 2022

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)