#my period is about to start which means I’m craving a lot of sugar and I’m getting muscle pains

[orangefoxes]

Hey, so I've been trying to submit a prompt but it won't work so here it goes I know this will be sad but what if Neil gets really sad and depressed (the reason is up for interpretation ex: bullied by jack or is haunted by PTSD) and so he becomes full of self hate and becomes anorexic and cuts himself #andreil (this would mean so much since I've been through similar circumstances and was strong enough to pull through and keep living, this book and your Tumblr have helped me so much)

Hi @soph-ie21 I am so sorry this took a whopping 4 years for me to post. I’m terrible for not checking my inbox as my notifications have been turned off for tumblr since I was like 13. I’m so glad to hear that you recovered from your ED, you must be so strong and I’m so proud of you as I know how difficult that is to do. I’m hoping this is the sort of prompt you were looking for, if you’re even looking after this long, as it’s not very dialogue heavy, but here you go.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER, SELF LOATHING, ANOREXIA.

When in high stress situations, to cope, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol. It’s alright in small doses, helpful even. It triggers your fight or flight response and readies the body to do something, fast. Constant exposure to the hormone however, has some not so good long term effects. Effects that include, but are not limited to: high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and, arguably the mildest, weight gain.

Cortisol results in weight gain for two reasons. The first is because it slows your metabolism, and the second is because the drop in blood sugar from constant high blood pressure means that you start craving fatty, sugary foods, which leads to overeating. Neil’s memory is not nearly good enough for him to recall what foods he had craved over the years, but he and his mother shied away from sweets and chocolate for dental reasons, it probably would have been a hardship for many kids growing up but Neil had never much cared for sugar anyway. However, what he and his mother did indulge in is a lot of fatty, fast food. Partly because it was cheap, partly because it was something they could eat while on the move, and partly because no one would look twice at two sketchy people in a Burger King or remember a beaten up old car briefly pausing in a drive thru.

While never giving much thought to how he looked (short of checking for ginger roots and the bruise on his cheek from where his mother had slapped that smile from his face), Neil does remember his weight fluctuating a lot when he was younger. The more stressful the months, the chubbier he got. It was in the quiet periods as he and his mother settled down and didn’t dare to venture into the supermarket too often that he began to lose it again. It was a cycle.

In Millport, Neil was at his lowest weight yet. There was only a solitary McDonald’s in town and Neil wasn’t about to become a regular. He stocked up on tinned food from the supermarket in his first week in town instead and meticulously made his way through them, heating the can up on the hot plate he had bought for four dollars from the thrift store in the high street.

He gained weight again once he started at Palmetto, he gained muscle mass too. This, of course, was thanks to three free meals a day and a new training regime with daily exercise. It was to be expected, but if, perhaps, he gained weight quicker than his teammates and muscle slower, well, he had bigger things to worry about.

Then he knew he was going to live.

Then everything with the Moriyamas was…well, not gone, but resolved.

That’s not to say there was nothing to stress about. There was the influx of reporters wanting to catch the Foxes’ attention to ask about Nathaniel Wesninski. There was Kevin’s impending break down as Riko’s funeral came and went. There was Aaron’s trial. Honestly it probably would have gone as stressful situations for Neil always go - here and gone just as quickly - except it turns out that Nicky cooks when he’s stressed, and Neil, well, he’s a stress eater.

After Aaron is declared innocent, Nicky resumes as normal. Neil…not quite. He’s constantly opening the cupboards to look for something to eat only to close them again when he finds nothing of interest. Without Nicky cooking, there’s nothing he can easily dig into and Neil, while accumulating many skills over the years, had never been a hand in the kitchen. The only things ready-eat that were consistently in the dorm were ramen and ice-cream. Even the thought of ramen makes Neil want to vomit and Neil wasn’t so desperate that he would resort to eating something as sweet as ice cream. Not that Andrew would let him if he did. (Andrew wasn’t a sharer).

He started to feel hungry.

He was always hungry.

The first few days he started to skip meals, he didn’t even notice he was doing it. Surely he didn’t notice he was doing it.

It’s just -

Here’s the thing.

Maybe he stress eats. Maybe his mother did too. They spent long car journeys with a family sized bag of potato chips resting by the gear stick and they spent half the time stuffing handfuls into their mouths and the other half checking the mirrors for cars that stayed behind them a touch to long. So maybe he stress ate, but it was never because of hunger: it was because of craving. It was because it gave him something to do with his hands. It was only when things quietened down, when the weeks turned long with the monotonous almost-existence that took up the majority of Neil’s life growing up (here’s something no one tells you about life on the run, in between the moments of sheer terror, it’s very very very boring), it was only then, that Neil actually began to feel things like hunger.

So when the hunger pangs began to curdle in his stomach, well, he didn’t mind. It meant he was safe enough to feel the hunger.

Maybe for the first couple of days he didn’t notice it. But then he noticed it.

He noticed enough to avoid things like rice and bread. Danger foods that packed on the calories and that made him bite the inside of his cheek until it bled at the mere thought. He noticed enough that he began to watch the others train and saw their muscles flex and couldn’t help but track their muscle growth and measure it up against his own. He always found himself lacking.

That’s when it started to get worse. If Allison spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then Neil would do 30. If Kevin did 40 push ups. Then Neil would do 50. If Renee had a salad for lunch, then Neil would just have a fruit pot.

The first time Andrew noticed that he skipped a meal, Neil just blinked. Being who he was, Neil didn’t do stupid things like stumble for lies and this time was no different. When Andrew asked about him not eating Neil just blinked like he hadn’t even noticed until Andrew brought it up.

He blinked and said “oh, you’re right. I got so caught up in watching exy reruns i didn’t even notice”

He said, “thanks, I’ll grab something in a sec”

Andrew breathed a scoffing breath down his nose, rolled his eyes and called him a junkie. He didn’t look at all surprised, as though Neil was only confirming what he had already guessed. Which of course is the trick all good liars employ.

Neil wondered if he would be surprised if he were to find out how impossible it would be for Neil to forget a meal time. He could never forget. All he thought about was food. It was all he thought about.

Food began to feel like it was all he cared about. Cared about more than school. Cared about more than exy. Is it terrible of him that that more than anything else feels like the worst thing?

And then, as things do, it got worse.

It turned into Neil stood in front of the mirror (looking at his body but not his eyes, never his eyes) and pinching the flesh between his fingers. Noticing every part of him that didn’t harden into muscle like the others. Noticing all the scars that had stretched strangely over a waist and thighs that are no longer as small.

He begins to peck at his food. Rip it into tiny pieces. Andrew looks down at his plate and glowers at him. Neil gives him a cheeky grin. He knows what he’s thinking. That this is just another one of those Andrew-mannerisms that Neil is taking on for himself. Like the sarcastic salutes and the blank, waiting stares. It’s so much easier to hide how little you’ve eaten when it’s all in pieces.

He didn’t know how to explain it. He just knows he needs to be thinner. He needs to weigh less. It’s not about looks. It’s never been about looks. He just needs to do this. He needs to be smaller. It will be alright then. Because then…then…

Well it will be alright then.

So here’s the thing about guilt and self loathing: they’re useless emotions. Andrew would be quick to agree. (Though Andrew is a hypocrite and is chock full of the both of them). His mother would agree too. How many times had Neil slipped poison into someone’s drink, stole from someone just as desperate, shot someone who maybe or maybe-not deserved it? And how many times after that did his mother pinch and prod at him and repeat the same mantra of “don’t you dare let guilt slow you down, you slow down and you’re dead”

Well, Mum, he’s slowed down. He slowed down so much that he’s stopped altogether and guess what? He fucking hates himself.

He replays it all in his head like a terrible loop. The boy in Switzerland that he tricked into taking his jacket so His fathers men would go after him instead. The old women he and his mother tricked into housing them and then slipped something in her tea until she slept and never woke up again. The homeless man who had broken into the house they were squatting in that Neil had shot on instinct. Seth.

Seth. Seth. Seth.

He fucking hates himself. Honestly the hunger pains kind of feel like the best thing he’s ever felt after that. The pain, the ache, he deserves it.

Then it gets worse. Then comes the worst part.

Andrew’s meds change again. The others had begun to make him irritable and he always had an energy crash by about 5pm and a terrible headache. The new ones wouldn’t be of much note as they did nothing groundbreakingly different, short of getting rid of the headaches and not sapping so much of his energy.

Except for one key side effect of the meds.

They suppressed Andrew’s appetite.

More and more Andrew is missing meals. He won’t even eat more than a tablespoon of ice cream. Neil watches him and adjusts himself to suit. He doesn’t know why, but he just can’t be eating more than him, he can’t.

The frustration he feels about Andrew’s meds soon turn to resentment. He hates that he has to watch Andrew not eat and not seem affected by it at all. Andrew lessens his exercise under Betsy’s advice and yet nothing changes. His weight stays the same. He probably even loses some thanks to the loss of muscle. Neil watches and Neil hates. He hates that if he skipped out on training he would pack on the pounds, he hates that his stomach hurt and hurts and Andrew doesn’t spare a thought on food at all.

He starts to avoid the roof. He starts to dodge Andrew’s gaze the same way he does his own in the mirror.

The next time they’re alone and Andrew leans in, more hesitant than he’s been in months, Neil jerks back and snaps “No.”

It isn’t even completely because of the resentment. The majority of it is because he feels disgusting and fat and he can’t bare Andrew touching him right now. Can’t bare him looking at him.

Andrew’s face closes off and he slides back to the other side of the couch. He’s searching Neil’s face, trying to find the misstep, trying to find what he did wrong.

Good, let him think he did something wrong.

Now that’s the resentment.

It’s immediately one of the worst things Neil has ever thought. He remembers sitting, trembling, on the roof, Andrew refusing to touch him saying “I wont be like them, I wont let you let me be”

And Neil’s trying to make him think, wants to make him feel -

Jesus Christ. He’s a piece of fucking shit.

He slams his way out of the dorm and runs and runs and runs.

He sleeps in the locker room and slumps out in the morning so he’s first in the main room for the meeting with Wymack. He sits on a chair that’s as far away from every other seat as it can get while still completing the make do semi-circle around where Wymack usually stands. When the others begin to filter in they take in his new seat, but don’t comment when they see his storming expression.

When Andrew sees him he pauses for a beat in the doorway before continuing to his usual seat on the couch. He stares at Neil blankly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching in his lap. Wymack hesitates but doesn’t say anything. The others play at being uninterested and only Aaron openly looks between Neil and Andrew with a steadyingly darkening expression.

Neil slams his locker and gets changed in the cubicles for the first time in months. He’s vicious in practice. Throwing in as many dirty moves as he can. Andrew stands in the goal and does nothing. When it’s only Wymack’s sharp whistle that stops Neil bringing his racket down on Matt’s arm when he attempts to steal the ball, Neil is benched.

He yanks off his helmet and slumps down on the bench and tries to remember how to breathe through rage.

He’s sat, pinching at the skin on his thigh, for ten minutes before Allison joins him. She holds out a breakfast bar and Neil stiffens.

“Eat, it might help you stop being such a raging asshole,” she says.

Neil takes the breakfast bar and when she doesn’t immediately leave he opens it and snaps a bit off with his fingers.

He stares down the rolled oats and nuts and grimaces at the sticky feeling of the syrup that holds them together. He feels sick.

“Are you going to eat?” Allison says.

Neil looks at her and huffs a bitter breath through his nose. A wry smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He remembers that Allison battled bulimia for years.

You can’t lie to a liar.

She looks at his face. Concern trying to become anger that she’s trying to force to stay concern. She looks at his face and then over at Andrew, who is stood in his goal watching them as Kevin shouts at him to fucking do something already. She looks back at Neil.

“You know, relationships are hard enough without mental health problems in the mix. Seth and I were a terrible combination for many reasons and that was one them. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that it shouldn’t be done, I’m just saying it makes it so much harder. He used to try to make me eat. I hated him for that. Hated that I had to hide my own habits in my own room. One day, after he stopped me from going to purge one too many times we got into an argument. I said some disgusting things to him. The next day he was in the hospital because of an overdose. He had to get his stomach pumped. You know what the worst thing is? I don’t even remember what it is I said. I don’t know if what I did triggered him or if it would have happened anyway, but it couldn’t have helped. You’re always going to trigger each other at one point or another, it’s unavoidable. But if you know that and you don’t do anything to help yourself…well that’s when every shit thing you think about yourself starts to become true. So tell me, are you a piece of shit that’s going to drag everyone down with you, or are you better than that?”

Neil looks down at the breakfast bar. He still can’t make himself eat it.

He swallows harshly against the lump in his throat. He has to swallow two more times until he’s sure he can talk without crying.

“What’s betsy’s number?” He asks.

Allison doesn’t smile, but she nods like he’s done the right thing and pulls out her phone.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to point out that Neil is very flawed and toxic in his thinking and Allison is harsh in what she says to him just because she’s a harsh person. If you have an eating disorder I know sometimes help and recovery seems like the worst thing in world and something you really don’t want, but please, please seek help. You can do it.

[vee-double-u]

"want some whipped cream with that?”

pairing: kei tsukishima x baker!reader smut

summary: tsukki makes a trip to his local bakery with a craving for his favourite strawberry shortcakes in town. he finds something else that’s sweet to satisfy his craving

or i saw strawberry shortcakes was one of tsukki’s favourite food in canon so i ran with it

word count: 2700

The light, sweet twinkling sound of a metal wind chime disrupted the silence of the cosy bakery as the front door swung open. A tall blonde figure entered and immediately seemed to take up a huge amount of space in the tiny cafe as the smell of freshly baked goods wafted through the air. It lingered in his nose and seemed to permeate through the welcoming environment around him, settling around the floral centrepieces and squashy armchairs that the blonde figure was very tempted to sink into and nap after the day he just had. 

The owner of the bakery’s head poked around the corner of the staff-only doorway behind the counter.

“Ohhh I always knew you were illiterate Tsukki-san,” Y/N teased, motioning towards the ‘CLOSED’ sign on the door he had just barged through.

“That’s funny coming from a little pipsqueak who’s only good for baking,” Tsukishima replied quickly and his eyes glittered with mirth as he walked over to get a better look at the counter.

“No point in looking. It was pretty busy today so I’m fresh out of pretty much everything, including your beloved shortcake.” 

Y/N leaned onto the counter, head coming to rest on her hands so she could peer at Tsukishima clearly. She was surprised to see how tired he looked when he was normally immaculately presented.

“Busy day at the museum?” she pried, feeling a pang of sympathy for him.

“The worst,” Tsukishima sighed. His glasses moved up as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “There were three separate school groups today and our usual tour guide called in sick so guess who was showing those snivelling brats around?”

Y/N assessed him before deciding to take pity on him.

“You know I’m actually baking to replace some of the product for tomorrow right now. If you’re willing to wait I could get started on the strawberry shortcake and have some ready for you in no time.”

“Oh... that’s fine-,” Tsukishima said, surprised by her offer. “I mean- if you want to-”

She waved her hands, interrupting him.

“Tell you what. How about I bake extra and you can take some home free of charge.”

“Only for my most loyal customer,” she added when he still looked unsure.

There was a shadow of a genuine smile on Tsukishima’s face before he responded.

“That would be great actually.”

Y/N motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen and tried to shake the uneasy feeling that was settling in her stomach. It was definitely odd to see him be genuine with her. Since he had first wandered into her store a few months ago it wasn’t often that they weren’t exchanging quick banter. 

Maybe she had been a bit too forward in her offer to cook shortcakes, especially just for him and off the clock. Truthfully, since he had started showing up regularly she’d developed a little bit of a crush on him. It was a minor thing really. It was harmless fun to flirt with him over the coffee machine or fantasise about him on nights she couldn’t sleep.

Being alone with him in her cafe after hours was a whole new ballgame. She was already attracted to him and her nerves were being manifested into an electricity that pulsed through her body, putting her on edge.

This is purely professional Y/N reminded herself. I’m just keeping one of my regular customers happy. 

She gestured around the kitchen as they entered.

“And here is where the magic happens.”

Tsukishima made himself comfortable, leaning on a bench as he watched her. She was pulling out ingredients and utensils to get started on the vanilla sponge. Noticing him staring at her, Y/N pulled a large tupperware from the fridge and handed it to the blonde with a knife.

“Make yourself useful and prepare the strawberries please.”

“Here I was thinking you were treating me, not putting me to work as your slave,” Tsukishima said as he lifted the lid and peered in.

“Just cut the greens off and chop ‘em up into quarters so I can get you something sweet quicker,” she added, as if he hadn’t said anything.

Tsukishima hummed in response and turned to the strawberries. There was something about the tone of his voice that made Y/N wonder if they both picked up on the unintentional double entendre. She swallowed and continued to ignore the growing unease in her stomach.

They fell into silence as they worked, which wasn’t actually as awkward as she had feared. Her body did feel warm- too warm at the close proximity to the object of many fantasies she’d dreamt up. It was lucky that she had done this recipe enough that she could do it with her eyes closed because the way his cologne lingered around her made it hard to concentrate. It didn’t help that she could feel Tsukishima’s eyes constantly looking over at her.

“I could give you the recipe you know,” Y/N finally laughed as he looked over at her for what felt like the hundredth time. “It’s not a secret or anything.”

Tsukishima shook his head and looked very serious as he contemplated her offer.

“No, I’ve tried lots of shortcakes before. It’s never the same as having someone else cook. And none of them have ever tasted like yours.”

Y/N looked down into the bowl she was mixing to try and hide the blush at the genuine compliment. 

Tsukki being genuine multiple times in only a few minutes? Y/N thought to herself. That can’t be a good sign.

Y/N peeked a glance over at him, her eyes immediately being drawn to his lips and the way they closed around a strawberry, savouring the taste before it disappeared into his mouth.

Well actually Y/N changed her mind as she got lost in what else those lips could do. It could be a very good sign.

Y/N worked quickly and it wasn’t long before she got started on whipping the cream. Adding powdered sugar and vanilla extract in small doses, she would periodically stick her finger into the mixture bringing it up to her mouth for a taste test.

She paused when she felt his eyes on her again. 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself while I slave away for you,” Tsukki complained.

“Sorry, did you want some?” she grinned as she reached a finger into the cream she was whipping and swiped up a small amount. She reached out to him and wiped her finger against his cheek, smearing the cream there.

“What-?!” Tsukishima let out a strangled cry of disapproval. He looked at her disbelievingly for a moment before smirking as he closed the distance between them. At his tall height, he towered over her and his eyes flashed dangerously before he spoke again.

“You’re going to pay for that, pipsqueak.” 

His voice was low and husky and it made her shiver. He was so close now she could feel the heat from his body, she could count his individual eyelashes, could even count the freckles around his mouth. Subconsciously she leaned in to meet him, her lips parting..

Like a quick flash, Tsukishima’s hands moved quickly and suddenly there was a coolness sliding down the side of her face. Y/N raised her hand to her cheek and withdrew it when she found a dollop of cream there, one that was significantly larger than the one she’d just wiped on him.

“Tsuuuki,” she whined, pouting.

“You’re right, that wasn’t fair,” Tsukishima cooed sarcastically. “Let me fix that for you.”

One of his hands reached around into Y/N’s hair to hold her in place before he leaned in and ran his tongue along her cheek in a single swipe, licking up most of the cream there. 

Y/N breath hitched and looked up to find him staring at her intently, waiting for her reaction. She ignored the thoughts that crept up that told her sleeping with one of her customers in her workplace was not a smart idea and grinned up at him. 

“I think you missed a spot,” she pointed out hopefully.

Tsukki’s lips descended onto her jawline again, dragging his tongue down lower to her neck, seeking any leftover cream.

Always eager to get the upper hand on him and while he was occupied, her hand blindly felt behind her searching for the whipped cream bowl. Picking up some cream with her hand she turned back to Tsukishima, ready to strike.

Quicker on the uptake though, he quickly grabbed her wrist in a tight hold.

“This is for me?” he asked, bringing her pointed finger up into his mouth so he could suck on the digit. His eyes stayed trained on her as he did so, something brimming in the depths of them that was entirely sinful.

“Here, want a taste?” He offered her his whipped cream covered finger. 

Y/N nodded quickly and bridged the gap between them, her mouth closing around his finger. She eagerly ensured she sucked up all the cream, working her lips and tongue slowly while she relished in imagining his finger was a different part of his body. When she looked up at him with wide eyes, her mouth still around his finger, Tsukishima let out a groan.

“C’mere, you tease,” he murmured. He loomed over her as she backed up until she hit the counter behind her. 

Y/N used her hands on the bench behind to help with leaning upwards to meet Tsukishima’s lips. Kissing him felt different than anything she’d ever imagined. It was so much better. He was calculated and deliberate in his movements. Moving slowly against her lips while Y/N’s movements were desperate as she frantically clung to the front of his shirt and responded to the kiss. 

Barely pulling away, Tsukki’s strong hands moved down her body before picking her up and  sitting her on the bench behind her. Y/N’s legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him even closer. 

Eventually he pulled away from the kiss, earning a needy whine from Y/N which made him click his tongue at her.

“Impatient are we?” he admonished.

Y/N ignored him and continued to kiss every inch of his skin she could reach. She was pressing her mouth on the tiny freckles she could see on his neck now they were this close.

“Ahhh..” he hummed in pleasure and moved his head to allow her easier access. He leaned over and pulled the bowl closer towards them. 

“I just can’t seem to get enough of your shortcakes, you know.” He stuck his finger in the bowl to get some whipped cream again. 

“You really want to talk about shortcakes right now?” Y/N complained as he pulled away and his soft skin was no longer near her mouth.

He rubbed it along her neck and moved in to drag his tongue against her again. Any more complaints died in her mouth as she stifled a moan over his wet tongue drawing circles across her skin.

“It’s just too sweet to resist,” he breathed, mouth still against her throat.”I can’t help myself.”

Her hands came up and tangled through his hair as she pressed herself against him, finding him hard and just as ready as herself. 

Tsukki continued rubbing cream onto Y/N’s body and licking it up with his mouth while moving lower down. If Y/N had thought she was aching with lust before, this was nothing compared to the desperation she felt as he continued to tease her, his tongue moving from her collarbone to her cleavage. Her chest was heaving as fingers came to untie the apron and unbutton the shirt she had underneath, leaving her in just her bra. 

He smeared whipped cream across her cleavage and slowly cleaned it away, savouring the sweetness. He carefully moved the bra aside so his mouth could work it’s magic on her hard nipples. Y/N moaned out his name and rutted her hips against him longing for any kind of friction - anything to just ease the tension that was going on inside her body. It seemed that no matter how much she whined though, Tsukishima continued his slow and methodical descent down her body. When she would attempt to reach for his own clothes, he would just smack her hands away.

When Tsukki finally passed over her belly button and reached her pants, she was leaning back for easier access. She helped him wiggle her pants off her legs, along with her underwear. The steel of the bench felt startlingly cool against her body, which was probably giving off enough heat to power an oven. His eyes were taking her in and she could see his pupils were so dilated they looked almost black. She understood that maddening lust though, with him standing over her, fully clothed, and her lying open - so wet and so ready for him. It made her feel incredibly vulnerable in a most delicious way.

He forced her legs to open wider so he could stand between her and she saw his eyes flicker towards the cream.

“Don’t even think about it,” she warned. “ You’ve wasted enough.”

Tsukki just smirked at her but acquiesced her request as he knelt down, leaving open mouthed kisses along her inner thighs. Her body felt like it was on fire from his constant teasing and when his tongue finally found her wet pussy she wanted to sob out of desperation from lack of release.

“Please, Tsukki,” she gasped out.

“Please what?” 

“Please- please just let me cum.”

His pace was still agonisingly slow but he did move his mouth until he found her clit, teasing it with deliberate and controlled strokes of his tongue. He reached up with one hand and gripped her hand while his other hand joined his mouth, easing a finger inside of her before pumping it in and out. It didn’t take long for her to orgasm and she finally came undone crying out his name. He let her ride out her orgasm against his fingers, decreasing the tempo, before getting up so he could take her in.

“Look at you,” he murmured almost affectionately and she melted under his praise. “You make a much prettier picture like this than I ever could have imagined.”

Tsukishima unbuttoned his shirt before continuing.

“And oh, how long I have been imagining this.”

He slid his shirt off, revealing his sculpted body.

“How long I’ve imagined making you cum on my fingers.”

His fingers worked on his zipper now, pulling his pants off.

“Making you cum on my tongue.”

He pulled his dick out and gave himself a few strokes.

“On my cock.”

He rubbed himself against her slit, still maddeningly slow and calculated in his movements. Her nerves were still on fire and she cried out whenever she felt his dick brush against her clit or whenever he teased her entrance.

“Tsukki..” she panted.

“You ready, little one?” 

“Tsukishima,” Y/N groaned. “Just fuck me already.”

He swore under his breath as he guided himself into her. Y/N winced internally at the sting of herself stretching to accommodate him. But it was only a slight pain that felt so good. The stretch felt delicious and Y/N wanted to make sure she would be reminded of this ache for days. 

“Harder,” she moaned.

Tsukishima hips moved faster in order to set a tone that was absolutely punishing. He was brutally efficient as they both chased a high. Y/N was mewling wantonly and completely unrestrained from the aching lust he had built up but whenever he made a noise of pleasure it would reverberate through her entire core. It was truly a sight to behold whenever the often silent and always calculated Tsukki would allow the mask to slip in his lust. His hands grasped at her hips, gripping so tightly she felt she might bruise. She hoped she would. 

He looked down at her and she knew he must see an absolute hot mess, mouth agape in a constant moan, frantically clutching at whatever part of his body she could reach, probably even still covered in dried whipped cream. 

“I want to see you cum, okay?” Tsukishima ordered in a voice that was heavy with lust as he brought a finger down to rub her still too-sensitive clit.

It was all just too much and all she could do was whimper something she hoped sounded like agreement. She reached her second orgasm when his mouth found her neck, biting down gently on a sensitive spot near her shoulder. Crying out his name, her walls tightened and spasmed against him and it was only a few moments after that Tsukishima came undone too, cursing.

He came to rest against her, both their bodies sticky with sweat and pressed against each other. They stayed like that for a few moments, trying to catch their breath. Eventually Tsukishima spoke, breaking the silence.

“Does this mean I’m not getting that shortcake anymore?” he asked.

Y/N slapped his chest.

[aristotels]

Totels, I see you sometimes post about ED problems and eating habits. What do you think about "Intuitive Eating"? If you have ever heard about it? There is a kind of "movement" for it too but also the theory itself is interesting (which from what I have seen could be separated since a lot of communities sometimes misinterpret certain aspects).

i really hope you don’t mind a public and a bit lengthier response, but i’m really, really passionate about this topic  (〃＞＿＜;〃)

...anyway this turned out to be an essay because i cant shut up.  (；￣Д￣)

the only ‘social justice’ drama i follow is actually HAES/anti-HAES/diet culture one, because it’s relevant to me every day. unpopular opinion but: *all three* suck 😭

..............but that’s a topic for another time. let’s stick to IE...

IE is a great concept!

actually, recovery ED books are going to suggest something similiar. 

not at first though: people with EDs have their hunger cues absolutely fucked and we need to learn how to eat at schedule first until our cues start working properly. but the idea of following how your body reacts to substance is an important one. it’s one (among many others) of the recovery goals.

 (if you are someone with restrictive ED, any food feels invasive. i, as bulimic, often have pretty fucked energy levels, nutrients, feelings of tireness due to loss of important vitamins and water. and eating until satisfied often triggers me and makes me purge; so i’m learning how not to do that.😔)

the idea is to face fullness and notice how you react to it. i try to be mindful of this (it’s a daily struggle for me). i don’t generally feel hungry, but i’ve noticed that one of signs of hunger is: my hand shaking, lack of concentration/focus. as an artist, you can see how troublesome having a weak hand is.  😭

so i’ve learnt during time that, when i eat; i need to have a bit of chocolate with something else. only chocolate suddenly makes me nervous, and something else (like fats/protein) don’t give me immediate energy boost to wake up from the unfocused state and continue with my work. with lots of trial and error i’ve managed to notice how my body reacts to these combinations.

then i’ve noticed how i don’t like too processed foods/sugar because they make me jittery, or sluggish next morning, but also that completely avoiding them makes me feel equally tired or bad. 

“eating no sugar” is a nice daydream, but not a very sustainable one; at least in my case. (but also you have to know that i’ve completely ruined my body and sugar levels with extreme restriction/weight loss/binge-purge cycles and so on.) u_u; i am sure certain people will feel better when giving it up or whatever, but tbh, my ED nutritionist isn’t someone who agrees with that philosophy at all.

e sad, to the part which is social.

lots of internet communities with HAES/IE/Fat acceptance mis...understand this idea. it’s not about satisfying your cravings, it’s about satisfying your energy levels. 

people use this to be like “oh i’m sad so i’ll have a bag of chips” and stuff, when it’s not the proper idea. let me be real: i will eat a full chocolate bar during PMS because suddenly my sugar dropped. and because i’m a human who messes up. XD however, i will also have to notice when my mg in general drops and i have to eat like, red meat. or spinach.

i really dislike HAES philosophy of ‘all sizes are healthy’ when its... not true. i also dislike diet culture philosophy. i’m someone who has lost like 50lbs in super short amount of time on very restrictive and obsessive diet; (i’m talking like 300cals a day) and i’ve also: lost hair, my period, felt dizzy and weak, had my dissociation spike up, lost friends and was even asked if i’m ill. 

the idea that thinness is ultimate goal is toxic as hell.

but also the idea that being healthy weight range is unhealthy is also toxic. i’ve seen HAES communities try to persuade people off losing weight when its obvious they’re unhealthy and their weight bothers them. from personal experience i did feel better when thinner... i mean. okay. i can see the certain health difference...... 

if we ignore the whole fucked-my-system-up part.  (；￣Д￣)  

the good news is that you can absolutely reap only the positive weight loss things, without needing to resort to the ED behaviours. you don’t need to lose your period or eat like a mouse, weight loss is possible in a healthy way.

IE is a good way to think about things and a good goal; noticing when you’re full and stopping, noticing when something is just a craving or a thing you really need in that moment to function, etc.

like, mislim da when people would focus on healthy eating habits and not being thin, just listening to their bodies (and not only for junk food) they would fall in some healthy weight range regardlessly if they’re too fat or too thin.

(disclaimer: obviously, the deal with ED people is different; there is psychological and nutritionist care needed to balance out things. also, another disclaimer: i’m not american so... i feel like european eating habits are different than american ones. ( 」°ロ°)」

[ixalit]

Hey I’m the anon that asked if I could ask you about exercise and stuff... thank you, by the way. Um so I’m just getting into it and trying to be healthier and hopefully lose weight and everywhere I look people say contradicting things and I was just wondering if you had any tips that you’ve found helpful? Or suggestions to kind of navigate the information and everything?

Hey Nonnie, that’s exciting! Go you!!!

I completely know what you mean with so much contradicting information. I’m going to share a few things that have helped me and a few that I do personally, but ultimately it’s completely up to you. I can’t make personalized recommendations because one, I’m not qualified, and two, I don’t know who you are!

Discussion of exercise, food, body image, and similar topics under the cut that might be triggering to some

Note: I use “fitness” and “getting fit” in this answer to mean happy and healthy in your body, not any standard of weight or other measure of athletic ability.

My personal experience is based on four years of research, experimentation, and finding what works for me.

You probably know the basics, but in case you don’t...

Sleep! Getting adequate sleep is going to help you so much. It’s the time for your body to rest, recharge, heal, and prepare for the next day. It regulates your hormones, repairs your muscles, and helps keep your body in a cycle where it feels safe to improve. Personally, I’ve found that a consistent bedtime and wake-up time with quality sleep helps me more than getting 8 hours no matter what.

Water! To make it easy, I pick a bottle I can easily carry around, and work out how many times I aim to fill it up per day. For me, it’s a 24oz bottle, which I fill up 4-5 times a day. That way I’m getting in around 100-120 oz of water every day, in addition to any tea or coffee.

Healthy food! What’s “healthy” varies widely from person to person, and you’ll need to find what that means for you. Basically, it’s food that you feel good about eating and that makes your body feel good.

I have three main pieces of advice that have helped me.

The first is to check (and maybe change) your mindset and relationship to food and exercise before trying to go anywhere with it.

Our culture, media, and society as a whole are very “less is best” when it comes to food and weight. As a result, most people have distorted views of themselves and an unhealthy relationship with food, whether it be rules, restriction, shame, or something else.

It is about a million times more challenging to meet your fitness goals when you’re also fighting against your mind. Instead, my advice is to heal that part of yourself before attempting anything big. This way, you’ll be more likely to fall into a “binge/restrict/shame” cycle that can seriously fuck with your mood.

Personally, I’ve struggled with disordered eating in the past, both restrictive (brought on by a period of circumstances that triggered my PTSD and put me in a near-constant state of fight/flight) and binging. I’m still learning how to have a healthy relationship with food, but I’m a lot better now than I was three years ago, mostly due to a period of time I devoted to healing that specifically before trying to lose weight or gain muscle.

Also, if you can, try to view getting fit as self-care. Make peace with your body as it is in this moment, and try to avoid thoughts of “I’ll be happy/be able to do ____/be able to have ____ when I meet x goal.”

Goals are good to have and work towards, but not when they put conditions on your current self-worth or confidence.

My second piece of advice is to pay attention to your body—moods, pain, sensitivities, etc—and take the time to find what works for you. Most likely, it’s going to be different than what anyone else does, and it will likely change over time.

For example, I’ve found that I can’t do certain exercises because of the stress they put on my joints, so I find what muscle that exercise works and research variations and/or other exercises to target muscle.

There are also certain foods I have to stay away from because they act up my IBS or make my body retain more water in a way that’s uncomfortable.

Through trial and error, I’ve discovered that cheat days/meals don’t work for me and that I like measuring stats but have to be careful that I don’t start obsessing over them. I’ve learned that my body doesn’t feel good with heavy exercise every day, and that my body hates (and I mean hates) sugar.

Basically, check in with yourself frequently.

Do you feel happier, more clear-headed, and more energized after a workout? Make that your main reason to work out.

Does a certain exercise (coughrunningcough) make you wish you were doing literally anything else? Stop doing it and find a different exercise.

Does your stomach hurt after eating a lot of sweets? Space them out or try eating half of what you would normally and see if it satisfies your craving.

Do you find you’re beating yourself up every time you exercise under the guise of “motivation”? Find someone to exercise/go on a hike with you and talk about literally anything else.

Something that’s helped me is getting a body composition scale. I have this one from Amazon. It works well for tracking trends, and helps to understand how my body composition is changing. Through this, I know how many calories I need to eat in a day for my basic functions (my BMR) and go from there when deciding what to eat.

My third piece of advice is to make sure whatever you do, it’s sustainable.

Cutting out all your favorite foods and exercising three hours a day might feel good at first, but it will take a toll on your body in the long run, which will probably work against you.

And don’t stress the small stuff. Being consistently “good” 80-90% of the time is much better than being perfect 20-30% of the time.

Find a way to live that’s adaptable but that you can enjoy doing for years and years to come.

And lastly, here are some random things.

Personally, I eat foods that make my body feel good when I feel hungry. I also track my calories, but more out of curiosity to know how much I’m eating in a day. I need to watch this to make sure I don’t attach unnecessary self criticism to eating “too much” or “not enough.”

My goal is to do something active every day. Some days that’s a 50 minute HIIT workout, some days that’s biking 30 miles, some days that’s a 20 minute walk with my dogs around the neighborhood.

Finding a few active things you like doing really make all the difference. For me, that’s hiking, skiing, boxing, and swimming. Because of covid, I’ve taken more to HIIT and biking, because some of my “go to’s” aren’t safe.

It’s true that at the end of the day, to lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you consume. An easy way to do this is calculating your base metabolic rate (how many calories your body burns in a day when it does nothing), keeping track of the calories you eat in a day, even if it’s approximate, and exercising to put yourself in a deficit.

Weight fluctuates. Bodies fluctuate. Water weight and rentention, bloating... what you eat, how much you eat, time of day, how you exercise, hormones, and a million other factors can have an affect on weight. It’s not uncommon for weight to change 5 to as much as 20 pounds in the curse of a day. I try to pay more attention to my muscle mass, body fat percentage, and how I feel in my skin rather than my weight. (I have 13% body fat, which means 20lbs of my weight is fat. I’m also focused on gaining muscle, which means my BMI is technically in the “overweight” range, even though I’m considered “fit” and “muscular”)

Most importantly, try to remember that a healthy lifestyle doesn’t have an “end date” and it’s not something you have to endure

These are just the basics, the foundation. The details (time of day, heavy or light weights, type of cardio, macros, etc) are up to you. I know there’s a lot of contradicting information, and my recommendation is to experiment and find what makes YOU feel the best.

[shrinkingjaz]

Today, I weigh 64.6kg which is the lightest I've been since I embarked on this weight loss journey at the start of 2018. I could spend days talking about how much my life has improved from every single angle I could think of, and there is a time and place for that (maybe in a future post) but I want to talk about health.

We are in a global health pandemic. Everywhere, people are joking about how their isolation diets will cause them to gain weight. I find it ironic because, surely, surely the time to focus on your health is the time when health has brought an entire civilisation down to its knees.

I've been thinking a lot about it. I have spent the last few months really, really getting everything in my life in order and focusing on my health and I can't count how many ways my health has improved. It's important to note that, at my highest weight, I was at a BMI of 34.3. My BMI is currently 22.7. I have lost 33.4kg and still have a way to go in order to reach my goal weight. But I want to highlight that I wasn't morbidly obese. I didn't have persistent health problems. But, when I really think about it, I could have easily been on the cusp of having very severe health problems. I was most definitely at risk. And while my blood tests were fine, I could run for 10 minutes without stopping and was generally "okay" from a health perspective, I now realise how close I wasn't.

. I used to nap. Every weekend, without fail, both days. I would sleep in all the time. Back in my Uni days, I was lethargic and would nap on all the days I didn't have classes. That has all changed. I exercise so much more, eat so much less, and have infinitely more energy. My sleep has also definitely improved. I'm out like a light every night and wake up refreshed.

. My feet used to hurt after walking long periods. I spent time in New York a few years ago and I spent the first day walking all over the place. For the next few days, my feet were in *agony*. The soles. The sides. The balls. The heels. I chalked it down to not being used to walking but my weight definitely had an impact. I now easily can walk 10-15km every day, for days in a row, and not feel anything at all.

. I would be out of breath walking up an incline, to the point where I would deliberately choose a different route if it meant I could avoid walking uphill or some stairs. I am no longer out of breath when I walk (or run!) up hills. I don't break my stride or go any slower than I would if I was walking or running on flat ground. I can hold a conversation while going up the incline.

. My resting heart rate has reduced. It used to be around 80-84 and now it's stays in the high 60s. I have always had low blood pressure, but my pulse rate has definitely reduced.

. I have a muscle strain/injury that flares up every now and then. It's behind my left lung/breast area and there was a point where I couldn't lift a 1kg dumbbell without it flaring up. Hell, I spent years putting my handbag on my right shoulder rather than the left, to avoid the pain, even though my left feels more natural. It would flare up if I tried running. Any physical exertion made it hurt. I remember once the pain was so bad that it hurt to breathe. I had it checked out and it didn't seem sinister but I was always weary of it. That pain? Gone. I haven't had it in years and forget it was once a thing.

. My nutrition has improved. I definitely eat very healthy and clean these days but it is important to note that you can lose weight by eating unhealthy foods. Calories in, calories out. This means that my skin is better, my teeth are better, my breath smells better, I get fewer hangnails, I don't have white spots on my nails anymore, I can tolerate pain better, my body temperature is better regulated, my hair is healthier, so many other things. So. Many. I'm not a health professional by any means. But I choose to believe a fair few of these relate to my improved nutrition.

. Tacking onto the last point, my tastebuds have changed. I don't want sugar. I don't want cream. I don't want butter. I don't want sauces. Hand me a chunk of raw carrot. Let me put some slices of zucchini in the oven with nothing on it and let the vegetable sing its taste. I crave healthy foods. A meal isn't a meal without vegetables. Deep fried food upsets my stomach. Excessive oil makes me feel nauseous. Food hangovers from eating bad food are real and awful.

. Above all, my mood, my positivity, my vitality, my overall outlook on life has changed. I can't articulate it in words. I am perpetually happy and optimistic. I have a spring in my step. I want to explore life for all it is. I can't talk about health without talking about mental health, and I genuinely can't tell you how happy I am. All the time.

The sum of all these points paints a sinister picture. I was in my early to mid 20s, easily on a steep descent into so many health problems. It's scary to think about. It's really scary to think about.

So.

What do I think about all those people who are choosing to ignore their health during a health pandemic? What do I think about all those people who say that body positivity is paramount now, that your increasing size doesn't matter, that the world is in a conspiracy against you and other overweight and obese people, that HAES is more important now than ever? What do I think about all those people who say that food is comfort and that it's okay to eat yourself happy, given how stressed everyone is?

Well.

I think about someone who isn't educated about calories. And thermodynamics. And maybe they have gained a few kilos over the pandemic. And maybe they are feeling stressed, anxious and worried. So, they go onto the internet. And they find posts about how your weight doesn't define you, how your health isn't determined by a scale, that all those facts about the linkages of weight to cancer, Covid-19 and many other sinister things like heart disease are rubbish, that they should embrace themselves and their body, and that it's society that is making them feel bad about their weight and how it's not their fault.

I think about that person. And my heart absolutely breaks.

Maybe that person could have been me in late 2017. Maybe I could have been reading those posts. Maybe I could have ended up morbidly obese instead of taking the path I have taken.

So, if nothing else. If even one person comes across this post and realises just how important it is to choose their health over everything else, then I feel like I will have done something good.

If the pandemic can teach us one thing, it's that health is so, so important.

We need to act like it. We have a responsibility to do so.

[cynicalrainbows]

Writers Block Pt 5

Final chapter! Fluff, fluff, fluff. Also second chapter posted in two days in which the characters end up eating pancakes? Apparently, I have some secret craving to be addressed.

It takes Anne a little over fifteen minutes to convince her to come downstairs and as she pushes open the living room door, she has to resist the urge to cling to the other girl’s sleeve.

(Of course, she wouldn’t actually be so pathetic. Probably. No matter how reassuring Anne’s….well, no matter how reassuring Anne is.)

For all Anne’s confidence though, she can’t help but try to prepare herself for the worst- Catalina refusing to acknowledge her, perhaps, or just staying cold and distant forever after.

After all, she was able to drive her own husband to want her beheaded. The fact that it wasn’t carried out, that had it been so, she would have been the third of three, the fact that Catalina is different from Henry in a thousand ways….it’s all evidence in her favour, she knows, but it’s still not quite enough to silence the tiny but persistent voice inside her head that tells her there is something wrong with her, whether it is a hasty temper or a lack of forebearance or even (and this gives her the most anxiety) that she is simply just really quite irritating.

In the end, though, after all the build up, her godmother isn’t even in the sitting room when she enters, Anne just behind her. Jane is sitting at the end of the sofa, Kitty tucked under her arm, watching Love Island and playing with a few strands of her daughters pink hair. Kitty is biting her nails, obviously only half paying attention to the screen.

‘Hello love-’

Jane smiles warmly at her- it’s a relief that she doesn’t immediately jump in with questions (where have you been, why have you been avoiding us, have you been crying, what was all the shouting?)- and Kitty jumps up and throws her arms around Cathy almost fiercely.

‘Are you alright?’

Honestly, Cathy wants to ask the same of Kitty- the girl looks pale, anxious.

‘I’m ok-’

‘I heard- shouting.’

Of course she heard shouting. Cathy suddenly feels really, really guilty- she knows, they all know, how much Kitty can’t bear the sound of raised voices. She’s just about gotten used to Anne and Aragon, after lots of reassurance from everyone that neither really ever means it. Cathy though never shouts, she never loses her temper-

(Today being the exception.)

‘I’m sorry- ‘

‘It’s fine. I’m glad you’re...ok...’ Kitty hugs her again. ‘I wanted to check on you but mum said you’d probably need some space.’

(She gives a tiny silent prayer of thanks for this- the last thing she would have wanted would be to have to worry about upsetting Kitty during her breakdown.)

‘It’s ok- Anne was with me-’

She’s going to say more but then the door opens and Catalina is there, holding a mug. 

There’s an awkward pause- she’s starts to stammer out the apology she has been rehearsing in her head- but she’s barely begun before she’s enveloped in her godmother’s arms.

‘I’m sorry-’

‘Hush, you have nothing to apologise for, querida. I’m just so glad to see you out of your room!’ The relief on Aragon’s face is palpable. 

‘I’m sorry I worried you though. And I snapped at you when you were only trying to help and-’

‘You were stressed.’ Aragon pulls back a bit and studies her. ‘And sleep deprived, from the look of you. You’re white as a sheet.’

Jane gently detaches Kitty and stands up to look at her too.

‘When was the last time you ate a proper meal love?’

‘Not last night’ Kitty chips in helpfully. ‘She didn’t come down for dinner and her pasta is still in the fridge…’

It’s funny- their concern isn’t frustrating now, it doesn’t sound like callous indifference to her need to work. Now, it sounds like what it is- loving concern.

‘Um...I’m not sure when.’ She is, actually, but she doesn’t really want to say. 

Luckily, Jane doesn’t push it.

‘Well, you look like you could do with something now.’

‘We saved you some pancakes from this morning’, Kitty volunteers. ‘And some of the Nutella. I think Anna had the last of the maple syrup though.’

‘It’s ok-’ Anne suddenly cuts in from where she’s been standing silently at Cathy’s elbow like a shadow. ‘You like lemon and sugar best, don’t you?’

‘Yes…’

It’s funny Anne has noticed- she didn’t really think she paid her much attention. It makes her wonder what else she’s been missing, what else she didn’t know about the girl who- it seems- has far more to her than Cathy has previously assumed.

Oh well, she’ll think about that later. For now, there are pancakes to eat.

*

The pancakes taste amazing, in the way that food only does after an extended period of not-eating, and then Kitty and Anne tug her back to the couch and sit either side of her so that she can’t disappear again. 

Not that she’s planning to. She’s missed being around people.

She’s also relieved that no one asks about her red eyes. While she’s eating, Aragon reaches over and plucks a scrap of paper from the hood of Anne’s hoody with a raised eyebrow and she holds her breath (she doesn’t really want to have Anne explain her tantrum in front of everyone) but Anne just shrugs when Aragon asks about it.

‘Just there for safekeeping. Who knows when you’ll need scrap paper?’

She expects everyone will drift away after they’ve assured themselves that she’s now better nourished, but they don’t.

Anna comes in from shopping and flings herself to her knees in exaggerated delight at seeing Cathy out of her room.

‘Do my eyes deceive me? She’s returned! The traveller has come home!’

Anna seizes her hands and kisses them delightedly, still on the carpet, and she can’t keep from laughing.

(It feels good to laugh again.)

‘I’ve been in my room the whole time, Anna.’

‘Still.’ She gets to her feet, still grinning, and begins to gather up the shopping from the floor. ‘It’s good to see your face again babes.’

(It’s silly, really. She’s never left the house- her room is next to Anna’s. And it’s only been a few days. Even so, it does feel rather like she’s come home.)

Jane asks if anyone fancies watching a film, and Kitty calls up Titanic from where they have it saved. (They’re working their way through the ‘classic’ films of the last hundred years.)

Anne stands up and announces that as a special treat, Cathy’s allowed to point out all the historical inaccuracies and no one can tell her to be quiet, but no one protests this new rule, and when Aragon makes salty rather than sweet popcorn, no one questions that or protests either although no one else really likes it that much.

It’s a bit odd- she’s not used to being indulged, at least not to this degree- but after everything, it’s soothing as it is unexpected.

Before the ship is even halfway through it’s journey, she finds her eyes are closing. Anne’s shoulder makes a surprisingly good pillow- or maybe it’s just Anne’s fingers playing with her hair that makes her feel so sleepy. Of course, several days worth of sleep deprivation probably is playing its part too….

When a small thud makes her stir later (she discovers the next day that it’s from Jane dropping the popcorn bowl and it ends up taking ages to hoover up the last kernels), there’s a blanket spread over her and a pillow under her head. 

A pillow that’s in Anne’s lap.

She should shift away, she knows: she’s probably crushing her legs, and Anne will probably be going stir-crazy, not able to get up and move around like she does whenever they all watch films together…. But she doesn’t really want to move.

She’s too comfortable.

Anne’s voice tickles close to her ear. ‘It’s alright, go back to sleep. Everything is ok.’

(There’s a light pressure against the top of her head- like a kiss being pressed into her hair- but of course, that’s silly to imagine.)

(Of course.)

[dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade]

Dig a little deeper

Thank you for tagging me @beautifulcinephile​!! I thought this could be really fun to do right now since I can’t focus on writing anything lmao This game consists of 49 questions, so I am going to answer them under the cut

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? Depends on what I am writing. In notebooks I usually use black pen but in my story ideas or official documents I prefer blue

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? If money wasn’t a factor in this equation, I’d say that I’d like to own homes in both the countryside and in the city. I crave silence and peace but at the same time, I can’t get away from the city. I have grown up only in the city, I don’t even have a relative in the countryside. 

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? Maybe just learn how to play guitar. It’s been quite a while since I have been struggling with it

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I usually drink coffee only with milk, but if it’s really dark coffee I’ll add a little sugar too. As for tea, whenever I drink it, I sweeten it with honey

5. What was your favorite book as a child? “Call of the wild” by Jack Landon. It was the first real book I ever read and I loved it. “White Fang” is a close second

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I’d be tempted to say baths but I do tend to get really dizzy whenever I bathe because of the steam so I always have to cut them really short before I faint or something. So showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? A hobbit (does it count as a mythical creature?)

8. Paper or electronic books? Honestly, paper. But the problem is that I start running out of space where to put them in the bookshelf so I recently switched to electronic books

9. What is your favorite item of clothing? My plain white button-up shirt; it has some tiny silver threads too! Also, a black suit with a really colorful inside

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? I actually like my name. I wouldn’t change it

11. Who is a mentor to you? My parents

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? Um... I would like my name to be known, but not to be in the spotlight, does that make any sense? I’d like to be a published author at some point in life and be recognized for my work, but I wouldn’t like the lack of privacy nor constantly being looked at or having pictures taken of me

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Not really. It takes me a little longer to fall asleep but once I’m over that, I usually wake up only in the morning

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? I think so? I don’t really know

15. Which element best represents you? Earth and water

16. Who do you want to be closer to? My friends

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? I miss seeing my friends and actually I miss going to school. It all ended so abruptly...

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. Everyday I came back from school just before lunch (this was from first grade up until fourth grade because then my school schedule was moved in the afternoon) and I used to help my grandma make lunch and I always told her about what happened at school and sometimes she even told me some stories about her high-school days

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Durian; it’s not that strange but it’s quite exotic for an European

20. What are you most thankful for? I am thankful for my family and friends

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes, catch me putting Tabasco on everything lmao

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I met in Berlin some of Noel Gallagher’s bandmates and his daughter, Anaïs

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? Nope

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pencil

25. What is your star sign? Virgo

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? I don’t know man. If they’re cereals and they’re not expired, than I’m down for it

27. What would you want your legacy to be? I don’t know. I never thought about that... I just wanna leave the world a better place than when I found it

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? Yes, I really like reading. The last book I’ve completed reading is “All the light we cannot see” by Anthony Doerr, it’s amazing and heartbreaking. Right now I am reading “A tale for the time being” by Ruth Ozeki

29. How do you show someone you love them? Send them songs that remind me of them, talk to them, share with them stuff that I think that will put a smile on their face

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Unless it’s a drink that MUST have ice, no

31. What are you afraid of? Disappointing the people around me

32. What is your favorite scent? Freshly squeezed lemons

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Name unless I know them personally

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Probably I’d get a little cottage somewhere in the mountains and a house in a city and just move between those two places

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Both. I’d love to just swim right now. Travel ban is about to come right back on and all the swimming pools are closed so...

36.  What would you do if you found $50 in the ground? Well, if I saw it falling from someone’s wallet I’d give it back to them; otherwise I think I’d just walk past it. I would feel very bad for taking it

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? Yes!! As a matter of fact, every year in August when it’s my birthday, it’s a period when a lot of shooting stars fall on a daily basis. I usually spend my evening in the garden just watching them. The last one I saw was on my birthday last year, even though I wasn’t home in that period, I was in Sölden. I always make a wish

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? Accept people, never hate

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I’d like one on the ribcage, maybe a lyric, I don’t know which one

40. What can you hear now? I’m listening to “Everything Counts” by Depeche Mode in my headphones

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of speaking in public and exposing my ideas. That’s exactly why I take part yearly in a public speaking competition

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I think that the 80s. My parents raised me on mostly 80s stuff and always encouraged me to dress like in the 80s lol

44. What is your most used emoji? The one with the sunglasses, I’m on the laptop so I don’t have it here

45. Describe yourself using one word. Unexpected

46. What do you regret the most? Trusting too easily and not learning from mistakes

47. Last movie you saw? Gravity

48. Last TV show you watched? Killing Eve, season 2. Tomorrow I’m starting season 3!!

49. Invent a word and its meaning. Wannagetta; I actually invented it many years ago. I was asking my mom to bring me some ice cream and she said that if I wanted it, I had to come downstairs and get it and I just kept repeating what she said and took out words until I got to “wannagetta” which basically means “if you want it, go get it”

I don’t really know who to tag since this is quite a long questionnaire... I’m going to tag some of you just for the sake of the game, but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want or don’t have time! And honestly anyone who wants to do it -- feel free to! Consider I tagged you! <3 @satans-helper, @strawberrylight, @pallanwen, @karrotkate

[cherrybracelets]

The Terminal - John Deacon x Reader

summary : you meet john when a huge storm hits london and you’re both stranded at the airport

/note - i imagined 80s deaky with this but since no time period is specified you can imagine any version of him you’d like/

(warnings - fluff mostly! swearing / word count - 3.8k)

‘Hello, this is an announcement for Flight 2839 to New York- JFK. We have been delayed another six hours. We apologize for any inconvenience. If you have any questions or concerns, please visit us at the check in desk.’

“Ugh, you have got to be kidding me!” You threw your head back and groaned. You folded down the page of your worn out copy of 1984, and threw it in your bag. You knew the storm going through London tonight was bad, but your flight was already delayed 3 hours. Now another six? At this point you almost just wanted to head home, but they weren’t letting anyone out of the airport due to the ‘hazardous conditions’. Bullshit. You were getting out of this airport.

You grabbed your bags and stormed up to the customer service desk. The airport wars crowded with exhausted, cranky people. A fog of cigarette smoke clouded your view as you walked down the hall of terminal. The various sounds of people calling their loved ones to let them know of the circumstances.

The customer service desk was surprisingly empty. There was one other man in front of you, his voice quiet and his fingers tapping anxiously on the counter. His hands were long and slender, something you wouldn’t usually notice, but you couldn’t help but stare.

“So there’s no way I can get out of here any time sooner? My band has a gig over in Japan and I really need to get there soon.” His lips quivered a bit as he spoke. He seemed a bit nervous by the confrontation with the lady behind the desk.

“I’m sorry, but there are no planes leaving the airport for the next six hours, minimum. It could be extended even longer until the storm passes. It’s just too dangerous.”

You walked up to the front of the desk and pushed the man out of the way a bit. He stood to the side, and looked at you with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’re saying no one is allowed to leave? Not even big wigs and celebrities? No private planes?”

“No one is leaving this airport.” She rolled her eyes lightly, and looked back down at the paperwork she was filling out. You scoffed and slammed your passport down on the desk.

“Hi, me again. Sorry to ask you to do your job. But I have a very important work conference I have to get to.”

“A lot of people have important things, miss. We don’t control the weather. I’m sorry. Here’s a free meal voucher for your troubles.” She handed you a small piece of paper, and went back to writing her paper. You turned around quickly to see the man from before staring at you awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, I’m not usually an asshole like this. This is just a big thing for work and I really can’t afford to not be there.” You looked down at your nails and took a long, deep breath. You really hadn’t been able to relax since you heard about this storm.

“It’s alright, stress can do crazy things to people.” He flashed you a small smile. You noticed the wrinkles around his eyes that formed when he smiled, and a small gap in his teeth. You felt your cheeks heat up, a little overwhelmed by how cute he was. You didn’t expect the random stranger you just practically assaulted to actually be good looking.

“Can you believe all they gave us is this lousy free meal coupon?” You looked down at the piece of paper in your hands, ‘Sorry for the Inconvenience!

Enjoy a Free Meal on Us!’ written in black lettering. A small smiley face was pasted above it, and what appeared to be an imagine of a thanksgiving dinner below.

“It’s actually a good restaurant. This isn’t my first time being stuck in this airport, unfortunately.” He let out a small laugh, his eyes looking up to the ceiling. “Why don’t you come grab a bite with me? Company will make this dreaded evening go by a bit faster, wouldn’t you say?”

“You’re right, maybe I could take advantage of this time and try to relax. I’m sure you could tell but I’m a little high strung.” The man laughed, his eyes crinkling again at his smile. You smiled at the sight of him, still feeling a little taken aback by the circumstance you were in.

“I’m John, by the way. John Deacon.” He stuck his hand out in front of you. You grasped it, his long slender fingers wrapping around your hand. They were a bit rough, which made sense for a musician. He let go from his grip and his fingertips lightly traced against the back of your hand as he separated himself from you.

“I’m (Y/N).” You gave him a small smile. “John Deacon, i’ve heard that name before, I’m sure of it.” You looked quizzically at the ceiling, as if reaching above for answers.

“I’m the bass player for a band called Queen. You may have heard of us.”

“Queen? You’re in Queen? Jesus, and you’re just standing around here, all alone, waiting for a regular flight like a regular man?” Your eyes widened as you looked the man over once again. He didn’t appear to be a famous rock star at all. He was quite calm, radiating a peaceful presence. He was the type of person that made it possible to breath in a stressful situation.

“Well, I’m not the most noticeable one in the band, that’s for sure. And I’m okay with that. I prefer to live a more normal life, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. You just... you’re very nice. Not saying rock stars aren’t nice, I just mean... well, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” You took a deep breath and shook your head. How could you be embarrassing yourself this much in front of him?

“You’re okay, you’re not the first person to be a bit surprised to find out who I am. Don’t worry about it. Why don’t I go take you to grab that bite to eat like I promised?” He grabbed your bag off the ground, and motioned for you to follow him. You thanked him again, and followed closely behind as he weaved through crowds of people to take you to dinner.

**********

You took a seat at a circular table inside the airport restaurant, which was surprisingly much nicer than you had imagined. There were flowers and a lit candle at every table, and man playing piano, a full wine bar. John sat across from you look deep in thought. He seemed to do that a lot, get lost inside his head. It was quite cute, to watch him snap back to reality when he was spoken too.

“Hello guys, I’m James. I’ll be your server tonight. How are we doing?” James was wearing a white button up and black bow tie. He smiled a very fake smile at the both of you, clearly annoyed with the overflow of customers due to the storm.

“Well James, we’re stuck in an airport for twelve hours. You can imagine we’re not doing that great.” You gave him a fake smile and scrunched your nose, making John let out a small giggle. James let out a fake laugh rolled his eyes slightly. Someone was NOT getting a good tip.

“Well, here are our menus. A copy of our drink menu is on the table as well.” James pointed to a small black menu lodged between salt and pepper shakers and a box of sugar packets. “I’ll give you two some time to look things over.” He smiled and quickly turned away.

You snatched the drink menu, quickly looking for a wine list. You would need a bit of alcohol to get you through the night to come.

“You want anything, John?” You held the drink menu out towards him, and he shook his head lightly.

“I already know what drink I’m getting, I don’t need to look at that thing.” He picked up the food menu and started flipping through it. “What do you think I should get, (Y/N)? Probably something really expensive since the meal is free, right?” He laughed at himself, and took a sigh. You giggled at him, watching his eyes thoughtfully look through the pages in front of him.

“The answer is simple. Filet and Lobster. I bet that’s the most expensive thing on the menu. And I will get myself a nice glass of Chardonnay.”

“I like the way you think. I’m feeling a top shelf Scotch. Whatever’s the oldest, because old means expensive.” You both laughed again, your eyes meeting for just a second. When you looked into his eyes, you felt your heart slow down a bit. You weren’t nervous or scared, it was almost a calming feeling. Like ‘Yes, this is him. You can relax now. You found him.’ But the feeling didn’t last long as you both quickly looked away.

“Have you both decided on anything?” The sound of James’s voice made you jump a little, you were deep in your thoughts. You looked up at him and smiled, and over to John who was grinning as well.

“Yes, I believe we have. We’ll both do the filet and lobster, medium rare. And I believe that’s free due to our delayed flights.” John pulled out his voucher, and you handed yours over as well. James smirked at both of you and eyes over the coupons, before shoving them in his apron pocket.

“Yes. I’m aware of the voucher. The meal is on us... can I get you anything to drink?” His voice was flat and tense, as he wrote down your orders on his pad.

“Whatever’s your fanciest Chardonnay, i’ll take a glass. And my friend here will have your best Scotch.” You winked at John, who gave you a toothy smile. James just nodded and walked away without a word.

“I have to say, when this day began, I did not at all imagine I’d be eating lobster with the bassist from Queen. But I’m not at all disappointed with the way things have ended up.” Under the table, you felt John’s foot brush against yours, very slightly. You almost wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t craving his touch. You brushed your foot against his leg, still only very slightly. You saw him take a deep breath and look into your eyes.

“I truly think everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason we’re stuck here today, together. Life is quite funny that way. You’re always exactly where you’re supposed to be.” He looked at you, and you both stayed silent for a few moments. You watched him, every part of him. You could see his veins in his neck pulsate when he took a breath. You could see the green in his eyes catch the light of the candle. His hair fell slightly down over his face, prominent soft curls you could imagine your hands running through. He was a soft kind of beautiful, like a renaissance painting. You both continued to look at each other, a soft silence hanging in the air around you. A peaceful silence, and comfortable quiet. You smiled at John, and he smiled back at you.

“Here’s your drinks, everyone.” James’s voice brought you out of your state, and you shot your eyes up to James. He placed two drinks down on the table and smiled before walking away. You picked up your glass of wine and took a long sip.

“Don’t judge, it’s been a long day,” you said to John. He grinned a bit and picked up his glass, taking an equally long swig.

“To long days.” He held his glass up, and you brought yours up as well. They clinked, and John winked at you slightly.

“To long days.”

***********

“Oh. My. God. That was incredible. The dessert was absolutely worth it.” You leaned back in your chair, finishing your third glass of wine. You licked some chocolate sauce off your fork and sighed. This day was turning out to be pretty good.

“I told you the restaurant was good. I’m very trustworthy (Y/N).” John finished off his scotch. He set the empty glass down on the table and took a long breath.

“Well what are we gonna do now?”

“By any chance, do you play Scrabble?”

**********

“I’m telling you, that’s not a word.” You looked sternly at John, who was staring down at the letters on the board in front of him. He shook his head and scoffed.

“Trust me. I know what I’m doing. I play this game all the time, I’ve used this word before.”

“Well then you’ve been wrong in the past too, I guess.” You raised your brow, and smirked.

“I’ll prove it to you.” John stood up out of his seat, and looked around the terminal. You were now sitting at the gate for his flight, which was conveniently quite close to yours. “Does anyone here have a dictionary?” He yelled to the crowd around you. Everyone just looked at him annoyed, and went back to what they were doing.

“Did you really think anyone would have a dictionary? At the airport?”

“Well I always have one with me on tours. But it’s with the band now. Oh! That’s what i’ll do! I’ll call my mate Fred, he can look up the word for us!” John reached into his wallet to fish for some change for the payphone. You started laughing and shaking your head.

“Okay, fine. If it’s that important to you, I’ll give you the word. But just know I’m watching you, Deacon.” You looked at John in the eyes again and felt a smile grow on your face. A warm feeling had been growing inside you since the moment you met, and every time you looked in his eyes you felt it grow just a little.

“Well, that means I’ve won. By a significant amount. I thought you said you were good at this game?” John counted the scores and giggled a bit to himself.

“I said I could play, I never said I was good.” You both laughed and put the game back in its box. John packed it neatly into his bag and came to sit next to you on the bench.

“Wow, I’m really quite tired. It just hit me.” You yawned twice, and leaned your head back on chair. You stared at the lights in the ceiling, dozing in a out. You felt your head tilt to the side and onto Johns shoulder subconsciously. He looked over at you, your head placed lightly on his shoulder, and smiled. He liked the way your hair smelled. He liked being able to hear your breath. Although you were much more high strung than him, you brought a sense of calmness to him. He felt better having you next to him.

Half asleep, you quickly realized where your head was placed and shot up a bit. Your face was inches away from Johns. You could see his eyes staring deeply at you, going back and forth between your lips and your eyes. You wanted to kiss him, but what a terrible idea it would be. You were going to opposite ends of the world. You would probably never see him again. To kiss him would only lead to your heart breaking for weeks to come.

His lips looked so soft, though. A delicate pink color, it reminded you of spring. You wanted to feel them against yours more than anything. And you knew he wanted that too. He started at you with complete concentration, as if taking you all in. For a moment, all you could hear was the sound of both of you breathing, waiting. Waiting to see what the other would do.

“I’m gonna go grab a cup of coffee. Would you like one?” You stood up quickly and grabbed your purse. John snapped out of his daze and shifted in his seat. He smiled shyly at you and said he was fine. You nodded and walked towards the nearest coffee place. Once you got around the corner and out of his sight, you stopped and leaned against a wall. What was happening to you? How were you falling for a stranger you met just hours ago? This was completely unlike you. But then again, you’d never felt a sense of peace before like you did when you were with him. Maybe that meant something.

You grabbed a cheap cup of coffee and headed back to John. When you got near him, you saw him standing at a pay phone chatting away. You tried to get close enough to hear what he was saying. Maybe it was about you?

“No, everything’s good Fred, the storm looks to be clearing out, I’ll probably be leaving soon....... No, I’m not alone. I met a nice girl who’s been keeping me company.....” John laughed a bit at whatever ‘Fred’ said on the other line. “We’re not even on the same flight! You’re disgusting mate...... Yeah, well tell Rog he’s disgusting too..... She is very pretty, yes..... Alright Fred, I’ll call you once I know more. Tell the others I said hi.” John hung the phone up on the receiver and smiled a bit, shaking his head. He jumped a bit when he noticed you standing there.

“Oh, (Y/N), hey! I was just calling the lads to let them know I’m alright.” He fiddled with his fingers, definitely wondering how much of that you heard.

“Are they doing okay without you?” You smiled at him and took a sip of your coffee.

“Yeah, I think they’re okay. We usually don’t go without each other, but I had to stay home a few extra days for a family thing. It’s a bit weird, traveling without them. They’re truly my best friends, I do miss them.” He looked at the ground and sighed, trying his best to smile. You walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He laid his hand over yours and squeezed it, smiling largely.

“Thank you for keeping me company today. I truly do appreciate it,” he said. He looked at you again, his eyes meeting yours. That familiar feeling of warmth and calm flooded over you. That feeling of needing him came over you as well. You bit your lip and looked away quickly, hoping to push the feelings down deep.

“(Y/N)...” He whispered to you. You looked back at him, his eyes staring brightly at your lips. He started to say something when you were interrupted by the voice over the telecom.

“Good evening everyone. The storm has seemed to clear out a bit early!” There was a loud cheer from the crowds around you. “We are going to begin boarding some flights in about 20 minutes. Flights 1982, 4320, and 2389 are the first on our list. Please be at your gate at the time to board. Thank you again for your patience.”

“That’s my flight!” You yelled, a smile crossing your face as you finally heard news of getting out of this place. But then it hit you. “Oh...” you whispered, taking a step away from John. “That’s my flight...” You looked at him, the sudden realization that you were leaving. It was quite odd, all you wanted all day was to be able to get on your flight to New York, but now that it was happening, it didn’t feel right.

“Oh, that’s good! Quicker than you expected.” John murmured and flashed a small grin, trying to be polite. He was upset, too. It didn’t feel right, watching you leave.

“I guess I should get going then.” You said. You picked your bags up, and looked at John longingly. He hugged you. A hug that you never wanted to end. You wanted to hold him forever, smell him forever. Know him forever. You broke the hug before you felt any more pain.

“Thank you for everything, again.”. You slipped him a piece of paper with your telephone number on it. “Whenever you’re back in London, give me a call. We can grab a bite to eat.” You smiled at him, and turned around. As you walked away, a part of you felt like it was losing something. You didn’t really understand this feeling, but you felt like you were walking away from your future. From someone who was going to be really important to you. You felt your cheeks get hot, intense sadness washing over you. Your eyes felt warm and wet, and you took several deep breaths to calm yourself. You were just tired, that’s all.

“Or!” John yelled out behind you. You quickly turned around and saw him standing, looking sad and concentrated. He took several long breaths and walked towards you. “You could come with me. I know that’s crazy, right? We just met. But I feel something really different here. Like I have to hold on to you. I can’t describe it. I sound crazy, right? You think I’m crazy? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Get on your plane to New York and-“

You cut John off by kissing him. You were right about his lips. They were soft, so incredibly soft. He tasted slightly of Scotch and cinnamon altoids. He was gentle at first, a bit nervous to kiss you. But then he melted into you, his hands wrapped tightly around your waist, his tongue painting pictures in your mouth. You wrapped your hands in his hair that you so longingly wanted to touch. This was right. In this moment, you knew this person with you was right.

You broke the kiss and looked at a smiling bright eyed John. “You’re not crazy. Well I think we’re both crazy. I feel the same way. I can’t walk away from you, it feels like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. So I’ll come. If you’ll have me. Because I have my whole life to work. But who knows if I’ll ever meet someone like you again. I want to come with you.” You grabbed Johns hand and squeezed it tightly. He nodded slightly at you and showed his toothy smile. You felt whole.

“Okay, you’re coming with me.”

“Okay, John Deacon. Show me the world.”

[green-hypocrite]

Sugar — why is it harmful for your body and for environment?

“Sugar is everywhere”, “sugar is bad”, “sugar is a drug” these are some statements that we hear every day but do you really know why?

This month I'm trying Sugar Free September challenge, it's been 4 days without sugar as I'm writing this and almost a week as you will read this. I am addicted and right now I have headache due to my sugar rehab — that's first sign that something's wrong and that this problem is real. Later on I will share with you some tips on maintaining and surviving this challenge but first I would like to show you other reasons why this substance is so bad.

Sugar is a big deal because it's everywhere. It wouldn't be so harmful if we would eat small amounts of it (less than 50 g per day) but unfortunately that's not the case. In statistics one person consumes around 28 kg of only hidden sugar a year — that's a lot. It's really hard to cut it down, sugar is in almost every processed food because it adds the flavor and it's addictive. All brands want you to buy more from them and if you're addicted to their product you will. Consuming sugar in every meal disrupts your taste buds and makes whole foods tasteless for you. As you probably know sugar can cause various illnesses, for example diabetes or obese, it cases tooth problems, accelerates aging and many more. I recommend you “That sugar film” if you want to learn more about the influence of sugar on our bodies.

Now I would like to focus on more grand scale problems. Sugar cane plantations are known for disagreeable working conditions, slave labor of children, pesticides harmful to health of all workers. So as you can see, it's not really ethical. Another global problem is plastic and if you look at all processed foods that contain sugar they are very often wrapped in plastic so my theory is that by cutting down sugar I also cut plastic.

I mentioned earlier that I'm participating in Sugar Free September challenge. Everyone has different approach to this but main rule is to reduce sugar. I decided to reduce added sugar, that means I can eat fruits, honey and lactose (which I try to reduce as well but not as strictly). My sister is reducing only snacks and sweets so as you can see it all depends on the interpretation. Chose what works for you and stick to it. I have few simple tips for you. Starting with drinks, one can of fizzy drink may contain dose of sugar for the whole day, so my advice is drink water, unsweetened tea or coffee. Next up — labels- it's so important to read labels, the largest part of consumed sugar is hidden. Sugar has 62 different names and you don't need to learn them all just know what to look for: sugar, syrup and words ending with -ose (ex. glucose). Another tip is eating whole foods, yes they contain sugars but also fiber which helps with absorption of sugar. Fruits are your best friend when you have sugar cravings. Food needs to be nutritious — whole foods are but food products not always. If you're not ready to reduce all sugar right now try step by step method and use Sugar Free September as a transitional period. Step one — make this decision; step two — stop associating sugar with good things; step three — replace sugar for honey or fruits maybe stevia in the beginning; step four — stop buying sweets, it will be easier when you won't be seeing sugar all the time; last step is cutting sugar little by little, for example start with sugar free Sunday and then work your way up. It's important to think about reward that will come. After reducing sugar you'll have more energy, you'll feel satisfaction, your taste buds will reset, you may lose weight and many more.

I will write about this month and my thoughts on this challenge at the start of October so stay tuned. Everyday on my Instagram @green_hypocrite you will find motivation and more sugar free tips, I also share how it's going for me and I encourage you to join me share your progress and tag me I would love to see this.

See you soon sweethearts and good luck. GH

[gellavonhamster]

001 B/B/L or 002 Lemony Snicket or both

001 B/B/L

when I started shipping it if I did: hmm, some time after getting into fandom and reading content with this ship and letting it devour my mind? I know that it wasn’t immediately after reading the books and I know that based on my posts here and the asks I answered it might be even possible to track when this happened but that would take too much time

my thoughts: it simultaneously makes canon less and more tragic: less tragic becauce no love triangle/unrequited love and more tragic because that means Lemony lost not one, but two people he loved. But canon is tragic in any case and I love this ship too much so I’m willing to suffer, haha. Also I think the degree to which I’m currently invested in this ship is partially due to how I project a little on 2/3 of it when writing about them and 3/3 of it being the kind of people I could have a crush on

what makes me happy about them: like I said already, it eliminates the love triangle for good + it’s one ship but, like, so many relationship dynamics within it! I’ve already written about my vision of Bertrand/Beatrice in the previous ask - the contrast of their personalities, the initial dislike turned into deep mutual understanding - and then there’s also Lemony/Beatrice that is (in my head) more of a ~High Romance~ but mixed with them being weird in the similar way, and Bertrand/Lemony that I imagine starting out as them both being suspicious of each other but also craving each other’s approval and friendship but also No, I Can’t, I’ve Decided to Dislike Him (well, that’s mostly Lemony). This is getting incoherent, I’m sorry :D Also it is my headcanon that, while the three of them weren’t a thing for a very long time (it was L/B first, then B/B/L for a comparatively short period of time, and then B/B), it was a very happy time for all three of them and they were head over heels for one another  

what makes me sad about them: the fact that two of them canonically die and one is left an unhappy man and an eternal fugitive :)))

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I don’t think I’ve read any fics with this ship that have annoyed me, actually, but in general I find it annoying, in the context of this ot3 or not, when one of Beatrice’s relationships is largely priorotized over the other (especially L/B over B/B). They’re both equally important from the point of view of ASOUE narrative (L/B as the reason ASOUE is written, B/B as the reason the protagonists exist and are put into the situations described in the books) and, I believe, for Beatrice herself. 

things I look for in fanfic: I get that this is, like most sugar bowl generation ships, a sad ship by default, but I want more happy things... pre-canon when everything still is more or less okay, or some AUs. Also smut (I mean what)

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: hmm, if each of them has to end up with someone else... Bertrand with Ernest, Beatrice with R, Lemony with his Editor (under the condition that the Editor is not Moxie)

my happily ever after for them: I’m basically repeating what I’ve already said in replying to the ask about B/B, but still: B and B both survive the fire, start looking for their children and meet L on the way, and together they find V&K&S 

who is the big spoon/little spoon: does that even work for three people? Anyway, the one sleeping in the middle is usually the one who’s had a more difficult day because the other two would want to comfort that person

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: long conversations that drift from literature and/or art and/or theatre to absolutely nonsensical topics still discussed with serious faces, all while lying in bed pillowed on one another

002 Lemony Snicket

How I feel about this character: probably my favourite Snicketverse character and definitely one of my favourite literary narrators (right after Peter Grant from the Rivers of London series). I appreciate his sense of humour and the fact that he still has hope for the best after everything that’s happened to him and wants his readers to have that hope too. Also he’s very much of a little bitch (especially in ATWQ) and we shoudn’t forget that

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Beatrice and Bertrand (preferably together)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Lemony and R - I have a Lot of Feelings about their friendship

My unpopular opinion about this character: I definitely disagree with all those posts about how he, in contrast to Severus Snape, is an example of how one should treat the children of your ex who married another man, because Lemony didn’t actually help the Baudelaires, but if we’re comparing these two characters, then you know what... at least he didn’t bully children and call it teaching unlike some others

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: we don’t know for sure but I like to imagine that he and Bea II became a family

my OTP: B/B/L (see the answer above)

my cross over ship: not a ship, obviously, but I still want a fic about him meeting Flannery Culp from The Basic Eight, in any context from a dream to Daniel Handler Extended Literary Universe... do I have to do everything myself

a headcanon fact: the worst driver out of the three Snicket siblings and doesn’t even have a driving licence (while Jacques has a real one and some fake ones and Kit has a number of fake ones)

[pyrogina]

my keto experience

Intro/TL:DR

As a preface I can report that I lost 17lbs in 30 days while strictly adhering to a keto diet.  I'm a 34 year old canadian woman who works from home as an artist and a huge helping factor for me was the freedom to stay home on the bad days and the ability to purchase fresh meats and vegetables on a weekly basis. This is a really tough diet but if you put the right pieces in place, it might work for you too.  Additionally, I am NOT a dietitian/nutritionist in any way, shape, or form.  Everything posted here is from my own experience and a modicum of research on the net.  Please double-check my facts before you begin this diet for yourself.

Is keto for you?

The first and hardest question to ask yourself about a ketosis diet is, Can I Endure this? And you should not feel any guilt if the answer to that question is no, because this is a very invasive and aggressive diet that will cause you physical pain even if just for a brief amount of time. Similar to vegetarianism, or is extreme cousin, veganism, a keto diet involves cutting out large swaths of the food pyramid to facilitate this diet. This does not mean going hungry, the foods that are removed will be replaced with other foods, only without any (or minimal) artificial or natural sugars. Sugar is just a chemical, which doesn't sound like a huge sacrifice, right? Most adults don't bother adding sugar to anything other than tea or coffee, but sugar is much more deeply rooted in our lives than you may realize.

Carbohydrates can be found in virtually every type of ready-to-serve foods: breads, wraps, pastas, fried snacks, hors d'oeuvre (these are examples of things I ate before this diet). All of these delicious and very satisfying foods have a fiber content and sugar content. You're still allowed to consume these, and I encourage you do so, but make sure to monitor the grams of total carbohydrates you consume that day. During this diet you will only be allowed to consume 20 grams (to 50 grams, depending on your body and personal needs) a day. remember this. Those 20 grams of carbs maybe the difference between you having a normal day and one of the worst days of your life.

Before I chose to begin a keto diet, I had been exercising casually (as before I was sedentary, more details on this later) and consuming about half as many carbohydrates as I had normally done in my life before. During the two years I was living this way, I was able to lose approximately 20lbs (from about 230 to 210).  If you're starting your diet or lifestyle change from scratch, maybe try starting here first.  Its significantly slower (10lbs in nearly a year), but it will not cause any pain or significant inconvenience.

What’s the big deal?/What to eat?

Sugar is a chemical, and more than that, its a drug that your body has been dependent on since you were a wee baby in your mama’s belly.  Sugar makes your brain work and when you mess with your brain’s intake of the all-important-life-sauce it goes into panic mode. In the first 2-3 days (up to 6 if your me!) you will literally, physically go into a state of depression.  Many had described it to me as ‘keto flu’ but as a survivor of 2009s Swine flu, I can most assuredly tell you that keto is much, MUCH worse.

First, my appetite became very finicky (and i'm already a very picky eater).  I had no desire to eat the genuinely tasty keto meals that my boyfriend had lovingly prepared.  I didn't want to draw, and I wasn't even in the mood to play easy video games.  All I felt like doing was crying or sleeping (which I did, for 9 hours in the middle of my 3rd day).  This is why, whenever I speak to someone who’s even moderately interested in this diet to BOOK TIME OFF YOUR JOB!!! It’s inconceivable to me to be forced to face other human beings in this state of physical distress.  You need to pamper yourself while in this state in order to endure it and ensure your success.

There was one more bump in the road around the one-week point but i'm fairly certain it came down to a combination of dehydration and moodiness (period) so perhaps that was an outlier.  Either way, water is the key when you start feeling shitty.  Get yourself a nice BPA-free water bottle that you're comfortable carrying around and keeping full of fresh water.  Once your body is in ketosis (you can check using those little paper sticks you pee on from the drug store, wash your hands!) you will get tired and moody the very instant you become hungry at mealtimes.  Sometimes you don't even feel the familiar hunger pangs from your previous diet and mistake it for just a general bad mood. Always have a sip of water, babes; that’s your brain telling you to hydrate.

Alternatively, after eating a keto meal you still may feel hungry or unsatisfied, even sad (longing for your favourite dessert).  This is where those 20g of carbs come in pretty clutch.  Finding your perfect portion of reward may be impossibly difficult, I can only tell you what made me feel better when I got the cravings.  Blueberries are quite sweet, they have a lot of natural sugar, but a handful of them sufficed as an incredibly sweet treat (some keto dieters have proclaimed that ‘regular things taste much sweeter than before’, I didn't experience this). Minigo/iogo yoghurt cups are fatty and sweet and work as a decent replacement to ice cream (count the carbs!).  On extra tough mornings (in addition to bacon and eggs! Totally keto!) we would split a cavendish oven-fried hashbrown (about 15g; 7.5g split between my partner and I).

There are a surprising amount of natural foods that are not keto, but in careful proportions, can be incorporated into a daily keto diet.  Most every fruit (that I checked) is very sugary but can make for a nice dessert.  Certain vegetables like carrots or potato have too many carbs to be anything more than a boost when you feel shitty. Red onions have a very small amount of carbs (sugar and fibre work together to your benefit!) and server to replace pasta as a side to a nice steak dinner.

On that note, you need fibre to make your BMs move.  Cutting carbs from your life means your number 2’s go bunny mode…. Take a sugar-free metamucil on any day where you have more meat during a meal than other types of food, or the toilet will be a nightmare.

Meals:

Cutting away pastas, breads, and other sides seems like an insane task but with some discipline and creativity, it's quite manageable.  Breakfast didn't change much: eggs any way (sunny side for me, cheddar omelette for my BF) with bacon or sausage. Lunch was some combination of chicken breast and various salads (so many salad dressings are low or no carb! Read the back!). On steak night, we replace noodles with sauteed red onions fried and seasoning.  Snacktime was usually pre-sliced cheddar cheese (go NUTS that shit is A-OK!), unsalted peanuts (other nuts have marginally more carbs, almonds and sunflower are moderate, check what works for you), or small amounts of beef jerky.  Accompany those snacks with a big drink of water, or if you've had enough of that, certain drinks are acceptable like tea or coffee (with sweetner and high fat milk, skim milk is too sugary), diet sodas, sugarfree drink mix (migo, nestea).  Just remember water, water, water.

Is it worth it? Pros/Cons

Cons:

-HURTS LIEK DRUG WITHDRAWL (you're literally coming down from the lifelong chemical addiction of sugar.  It hurts like Trainspotting)

-MEAT (you will be consuming a lot of animal product)

-POOP (even when you have your metamucil, the toilet can take some time)

-SWEETS (the cravings for your favourite yumyums will almost never stop, it takes monk-like discipline)

-BORING (you can't go out and enjoy meals/drinks with friends and family without them or the restaurant making odd or even crappy exceptions.  Keto menu options are slowly becoming popular though)

-TIRED (the first week or two will be very tedious and you won’t have any energy, even your favourite hobbies may seen unfulfilling for a time)

-ALCOHOL (basically none, unless you like vodka and sugarfree mix, you'll get drunk a lot quicker and end up feeling shittier without carbs in your body to process the liquor)

Pros:

-INSTANT RESULTS (in my first week i lost nearly 10lbs, and then two for every subsequent week. note that, just like any diet, there will be bounce-back)

-APPETITE LOSS (once you get into the swing of this, after the 2 week mark, you’ll find you no longer are pained when your hungry and the bigger cravings subside)

-BUDGET (this is a bit of an odd one and may not necessarily reflect your cost benefits.  Before engaging in this diet, my BF and I discovered we were spending too much money on restaurants and leaving the food in the fridge to waste.  This was primarily because we were too lazy to cook.  Getting off our asses and cooking 6 days of the week made an immediate impact on this for us.  If you already do that, this won't apply.  Concurrently, we spent more money at the grocery store ensuring we always had fresh meat and vegetables; this did net us positive)

-REWARDING MEALS (having to stop and think about what it takes to make a tasty and satisfying meal has forced us to look at things in a different way.  Making yourself and your partner a healthy, supremely tasty meal gets those endorphins peaking)

-EXERCISE (Unnecessary! Your choice! Just note that building muscle increases your weight as muscle weights more than fat)

My fave meals:

-Coffee (reluctantly replacing 1tsp of sugar with a fairy-dust sprinkling of sweetner cos i HATE sweetner, its 20-30x stronger than sugar so you only need 1/20th as much)

-Eggs and bacon!!! (sausage sometimes too)

-Garlic grilled chicken with spinach salad (onions, sliced almonds, feta, dressing)

-Steak and red onions (meat rare and onions grilled with seasoning)

-Spicy ground pork tacos (replace the taco/burrito with large boston lettuce leaves, shredded cheddar, green onions, diced tomato, dab of ranch sauce)

-Baked chicken breast stuffed with ricotta and spinach, topped with parmesan

-Slow-cooked pulled pork slathered with sharp cheddar (just eat with a fork!)

-Baked shrimp with garlic butter and parmesan

-Jalapenos stuffed with ricotta, cream cheese and cheddar, then wrapped in a strip of bacon (great late-night snack)

-Even changing the texture of a cheese can change the taste of the meal.  Shredded cheddar adds a salty bite to a lettuce wrap, grated parmesan can trick a baked chicken breast into thinking its breaded.  creamy cheeses can replace other baking sauces entirely.

-Diet pops (make sure its 0 sugar!), and tea/coffees with sweetner are fine, they do contain a lot of sodium though, make sure to drink 1-for-1 with water (meaning: every diet coke or tea you have, accompany it with the same amount of plain water so your body can process it and pee it out).

Variations/Control:

Vitamins: It should be noted that I take a daily multivitamin (C3+D) as I generally don't get enough sun or fruits.  I highly recommend you take these just in general. They help keep skin soft and blemish free (I initially began taking these because of acne on upper arms and it cleared within days).

Activity: As briefly mentioned earlier, I began shifting from sedentary (not moving much, sitting for hours a day) to a more active lifestyle about 2-3 years ago. This entailed a personal regimen of making an attempt at physical activity approximately half the days of the month (period week was generally excluded).  Every other day I would attempt one of the following: walking at least 2km, 15-20m of floor exercises (‘lady push-ups’, sit-ups), 15-20m of time on the indoor bike, or an hour of house related chores (lifting, laundry, cleaning, anything that involves getting sweaty).  In addition to these, yoga is peppered into my lifestyle as frequently as possibly, particularly in the morning before breakfast. On days where i'm unable to exercise, I at least attempt the basic yoga poses to stave off my (no-longer chronic) back pain.

[pannydukes-blog]

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[sunyoonandstars]

Dating Bangtan — Headcanon No. 1 || Min Yoongi

Since some of you requested I’d do this for each member this is what I personally imagine Min Yoongi/Suga of BTS to be like in a relationship.

Enjoy! I really hope I managed to strike home with this! 💜 I, for my part, fell in love with the beautiful, incredibly talented and insanely multifaceted man that is Min Yoongi even more while working on this. I’m almost sorry this turned out to be so long ... but there simply was no stopping me ... 

Anyway, enjoy! 

Before dating/flirting

there’d be no flirting 

not in the common way, at least 

you’d probably be friends for a longer period of time, months or even years, before he’d even consider dating you 

Yoongi wouldn’t care much about the clothes you wear or how you do your makeup but be initially attracted by your personality 

still, he’d take his time to feel you out and get to know you better first

because our Min Yoongi invests his precious time and energy only in people he deems worthy, people with depth which he’d only even become aware of once he knows them better

and he does not show his true self (which would mean becoming emotionally vulnerable) to just anyone

so it would take him a while to warm up to you and the idea of becoming (more) intimate

and even once he’d realize that he’s interested in you romantically he’d make sure not to let it on 

there’d be (sexual) tension, though, starting from the very moment it’s clear to him that he wants to be more than friends 

which would probably confuse you 

and even be noticed by the other members/people around you

although no one would have any idea what’s it about

because Min Yoongi is just too freaking good at hiding his feelings 

he would be scared to show too much affection or pay too much attention to you, and in doing so making his interest in you obvious, so he’d be kind of insecure as to how to act around you and simply go for the ‚easiest option‘ 

meaning he’d keep his distance, maybe low-key ignore you and probably seem cold, distant and aloof 

the two of you would bicker a lot, maybe even snap at each other occasionally, because he’d get easily irritated when you’re around

also, he’d get suspiciously crabby, apparently for no reason, whenever you’d get close and cuddly with one of the other members/a guy 

so you and the members would probably wonder what you did wrong/what happened between the two of you for Yoongi to behave like that

no one would suspect that he actually just likes you 

except for Hoseok and Jimin, maybe

so Hoseok would most likely be the one to approach him about it

Yoongi would eventually confide in Hoseok who would give him advice on how to confess to you which Yoongi would not take, though 

because he wouldn’t want it to be too cheesy or cliché 

and would be too scared of your rejection 

so he’d keep postponing his confession 

and would probably confess to you ‚accidentally‘ in the end

maybe in the course of a minor verbal altercation after you confronted him about his strange behavior

or when you’d suddenly put a time limit on your ‚friendship‘

for example by telling him about your plans to move away 

„I think moving back to my home country/town is the only logical thing to do. Because nothing is keeping me here.“ „What the hell are you talking about, y/n!? You have us! Is that nothing?“ „Yeah, I’m really gonna miss you guys. But you’re away so often anyway so it won’t make much of a difference. We can keep in touch, text and call each other. I’m sure you guys will quickly forget me, though. You’re awfully busy and have so many friends …“ „That’s bullshit, y/n, and you know it.“ „You’re only saying that to make me feel better. But you don’t have to. It’s really all right.“ „No. It’s not. Because I want you to be here whenever I get back. I want you to be where I am. No, I need you to, actually.“ „What? Yoongi, what’s with you all of a sudden?“ „I like you, y/n. All right? I like you. A lot. And I don’t want you to leave because I want to be with you.“

you’d be taken aback by his emotional outburst

but not really surprised

because you were secretly hoping for this moment

and kind of saw it coming but didn’t want to get your hopes up and believe it would actually happen

because you’d have fallen for the broody rapper a long time ago 

(if you were alone in the room) the two of you would kiss for the first time then and there 

and it would not exactly be the gentle kind of kiss 

at first, sure

but quickly get a little rough

because there’d be all this pent-up lust and frustration, you know 

and from that moment on you’d be an item

because Yoongi would take that kiss pretty seriously

and meant every word he said: He would not let you go.

Dating/relationship

your relationship would definitely be intense and always keep you on the tip of your toes

he would try and keep it private and a secret at first, maybe even from the other members

so there’d be no teasing or pressure and the two of you could ease into it in peace

Yoongi would definitely want something well-defined and serious 

„all-or-nothing“ kind of relationship 

because he’d need to know you’re all-in, meaning the feeling of security, in order to let loose 

he would definitely prefer to date someone who is not famous 

someone down-to-earth 

who can give him stability and is ready and willing to invest a lot of time in the relationship, even though it might feel like Yoongi himself does not do the same (due to his busy schedule and dedication to producing music) 

he would want, and need, a mature partner with (emotional) depth he can rely on, form an intimate emotional bond and can have meaningful conversations (and even heated discussions) with

which does not mean you’d need to be serious all the time

he’d actually appreciate it if you’d bring humor, lightness, a positive mindset and attitude, and a bright spirit into the relationship 

because he, too, is not always the serious producer 

from time to time there would surely be sudden outbreaks of laughter/giggling, weird noises and unexpected changes in his mood

like, he’d go from all serious to 4-year-old with a sugar shock in under a second

you wouldn’t even have time to blink

and he’d leap to his feet and jump around, doing stupid dance moves and grimaces, making a fool of himself without caring what others think 

just for the fun of it

and to bring you to crack up, of course 

would also work the other way around

from giddy to serious/annoyed in no time

DUALITY

Yoongi would also love it if you could make him laugh now and then in your very own, unique ways 

and if you, in return, would get his sarcasm/cynicism and laugh about his jokes

but he’d still value and want someone who can be serious if need be 

a little sass would also be appreciated, I can imagine

however, too much sassiness and contra would lead to insecurity and frustration on his part

home and domesticity are very important to him, especially since his job requires him to travel so much 

he would appreciate it so very much if you’d put in the extra effort to make sure he’s comfortable whenever he comes home late from practice, tour or some promotional event 

would love it if you’d cook (traditional Korean food) for him and bring meals or snacks to his studio whenever he’s holed up there 

also, he’d secretly love it when you’d ask him for help with housework or fixing things around the dorm/your apartment 

because it would feel to him like you’re becoming a family

and that would make him feel all warm and fuzzy, even though he’d probably not admit it

he wouldn’t need (or even want) you around 24/7 though, but when he does, he’d be low-key clingy, demanding and vocal about it 

„Y/nnnnn, it’s already past midnight. Stop working. Come to bed with me instead. I need you in my arms or I won’t get any sleep.“ *talking in pout* „Y/n, come on. Put that phone away. I’m right here. Keep yourself busy with me instead.“

would get pouty if you wouldn’t give him the attention he craves right away 

and probably simply (gently) grab you by your hand or waist, pull you onto his lap and take your phone away 

„It’s time to give me some attention, y/n. I’m sure your followers or whatever can handle a few hours without you. But I need you right now.“

BIG SOFTIE (Agust D who??) 

but only in private 

also, Yoongi is NO fan of PDA 

during those times when he’d need to feel physically close to you there’d be a lot of holding hands with fingers intertwined, cuddling, BACK HUGS, NECK KISSES and napping with his arms wrapped around you

that’s basically how you’d always nap, though 

btw: LOTS OF SHARED NAPS 

SPOONING

the members would constantly take photos of the two of you while sleeping 

because you’d look like two sleepy puppies

there’d be lots of ‚casual‘, discreet skinship, sometimes maybe even in public when he’s in the mood

like his hand ‚accidentally‘ brushing your bare arm, or him scooting a little closer when you’re seated next to each other to put his arm around your shoulder, or him leaning in unnecessarily close when the two of you would look at a menu, painting or whatever

his little touches would send shivers down your spine 

Yoongi  would, however, be moody at times and have his phases when he ‚retreats‘ and needs some space, and tell or show you that rather clearly (he would grant you the same, meaning space, too, though, whenever he’d sense you need it) 

he might not be that talkative during such times 

and may be unusually (even for Yoongi) reserved 

but would be ever so grateful for your respect regarding his needs 

would maybe like it, though, if you’d come by anyway and just quietly keep him company 

you’d have to develop some kind of sixth sense to pick up on his moods or when they are about to shift and act accordingly 

otherwise you’d probably be snapped at a lot and maybe get hurt unintentionally 

because Yoongi himself said in an interview that he has a bad temper and needs a rather patient partner who can put up with his moods 

he would always feel sorry immediately, though, and would probably hate himself for loosing his temper and hurting your feelings 

but would also have trouble showing it and apologizing

so after having wounded you with words, he’d probably seclude himself for a bit to ponder on his behavior and a way to make it up to you 

and probably apologize with simple, heartfelt words, through a song or some surprisingly sweet gesture in the end 

OR (more often than not) you’d need to be the one who keeps coming back to him to show him you don’t hold a grudge for him to leave his shell again 

Yoongi would be kind of possessive or at least get easily jealous, even though he’d not show it immediately/obviously 

you’d notice anyway

he would need to know and you to assure him that you’re truly all his and will stay with him through thick and thin 

since loyalty is of immense importance to him 

whenever he’d get jealous, angry with you (for paying too much attention to another guy or not rebuffing their attempt at flirting with you), insecure or uncomfortable he would maybe use touch as a way of confirming and showing that you’re his 

for example by placing his hand on your thigh, pulling you onto his lap or putting an arm around your waist 

insecurity and slight inferiority complex when it comes to you and your relationship 

meaning: he can’t believe he is actually good enough for you and would never quite understand why you’d put up with him and his moods 

because to him you’re the most amazing and beautiful soul to have ever walked this earth

would probably think he doesn’t deserve you

so you’d need to reassure him from time to time quite often

in subtle ways, so he wouldn’t notice that you’re well aware of his insecurities

because, in that case, he’d probably make an even greater effort to hide them 

you’d make him feel better by showing him that he’s more than enough through words and simple gestures like showing up at his studio with his favorite snack or kind of coffee day after day

even though Yoongi would be a dedicated boyfriend in his own ways, he’d still spend a lot of time at his studio, even after he’s done with practice and the other members are probably long asleep or enjoying their little free time 

he’d often forget the time 

and maybe even be late to a date or two 

which you would address only if it became a habit, since you wouldn’t want him to feel additionally pressured, knowing that his career is stressful enough and wanting to be a safe haven to him

because YOU FREAKING LOVE HIM AND KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO FROM THE BEGINNING 

he’d deeply value your understanding and respect for his work and dedication to music and would never ever take it for granted 

he’d probably tell you that occasionally 

but you’d really have no idea how much it would truly mean to him

Yoongi would definitely write tons of songs about/inspired by you and your relationship 

literally, TONS 

at least one song a week, maybe even one (or at least a few lines) a day 

because he’d do his best to get to know you better by the day and marvel at all those beautiful sides you have to you, feeling the need to put them into words 

and also see your relationship as an opportunity to learn about love (and about himself, too) 

so he’d would ‚process‘ his love for you by turning it into songs 

also, he’d not be especially big on directly expressing compliments, even though there’d be like a million things he’d admire about you

so he’d probably put them into some of his songs instead

Yoongi would show those songs to you, proud and insecure at the same time, eager to see what you’d think of them 

and smile the brightest smile of all smiles whenever he’d watch your genuine reaction to his words and tunes

from time to time often you’d need to get creative and find ways to distract him whenever Yoongi would get in too deep and become so immersed in his music that he’d neglect not only you but also his own well-being 

he would NOT appreciate it, though, if you were overly whiny or needy 

because that’s a definite tun-off for him 

you would have to find ways and means to get his attention 

like call him and go …

„Yoongi, I got this new lingerie just today. But I’m not so sure it looks good on me. Care to come home before I fall asleep today and be my mirror?“  „I cooked something nice tonight and even bought fresh, high-quality beef, Yoongi. The food’s about ready and I’d say it looks good. Would be a shame for it to get cold, wouldn’t it?“ 

or come by his studio and work your magic there …

in general Yoongi may seem too distant at times, especially to outsiders, because he’s always busy (when he’s not sleeping …) or his mind is somewhere else, concocting amazing new lyrics or melodies  

but when it counts he’ll be there, no doubt 

and he’ll know what’s going on in your life at all times, often leaving even you puzzled

„How’d you know I would have that presentation today, Yoongi? I didn’t even tell you because I didn’t want to bother you. You seemed so busy…“ „Oh, I have my sources. And for you I’m never too busy, y/n.“

Yoongi would always be very observant and attentive when it comes to you and instantly notice if something troubles you or you’re unwell 

„Y/n, baby, what’s wrong? You seem so distracted today. Is it about the exams again? Don’t worry, you’ll do great.“  „Did you fight with your mother again, y/n? I’m so sorry. But I’m sure you’ll make up in no time, just like you always do.“ „Are you having cramps again? I noticed this morning. So I got you a hot-water bottle and your favorite ice cream. Should I go and fetch them for you now?“

and he’d often care about/for you ‚behind the scenes‘ (for example when you’d be sick, he’d skip practice to go to the pharmacy himself and get the meds you’d need so they’d be sitting in the bathroom cabinet when you’d get home from work/school …, when he’d notice you shiver beside him on the couch he’d cover you with a blanket …) 

often you wouldn’t even notice at first 

but when you would, your heart would be overflowing with love 

still, you wouldn’t make a big fuss about it since you know he’d only be embarrassed 

whenever Yoongi would get overly insecure or anxious about anything (work, relationship …) you’d be the only one he’d let in and who’d be able to reason with and get through to him, put up with his anger (defense mechanism) and bring him down again 

although Yoongi would usually try to hide his (negative) emotions and be very reluctant at first to ‚burden‘ you with his worries

but after you’d keep insisting he’d eventually confide in you (even cry in front of you occasionally) and feel so relieved and grateful to have found someone who truly understands him and with whom he can be himself at all times without being judged (which is something he dreads, I imagine ...)

because of that Yoongi would probably (subconsciously) become kind of dependent on your emotional support and get sometimes crazy scared of losing you

but would never admit it 

you’d know it, though, and show him that you’ll be there for him no matter what 

Yoongi would sometimes often skip meals whenever he has taken it into his head that he needs to lose weight again 

at those times you’d need to reassure him that he’s beautiful just the way he is and that his fans don’t want a skinny, but a happy and healthy Min Yoongi 

still, that little hypocrite would always remind you and make sure that you eat and sleep well and enough

because he’d only want the best for you

DATES would probably not happen all that often

he’d prefer casually spending time with you in the comfort of your home/s

since Yoongi's not too fond of going out or of crowded places, your dates would more often than not happen at the dorm or your flat (later at your shared apartment) consisting of cooking, ordering food, watching a movie while huddled up to one another on the sofa, listening to music, talking, or … you know ...

or he’d take you out for walks, probably preferably at dawn/night when the parks and streets aren’t that busy anymore, or to smaller, lesser-known restaurants that serve simple but delicious traditional Korean food

be prepared for some serious insider tips on where to get the best bulgogi or seafood for a decent price 

nonetheless, he’d never forget to show his love for you in his own, subtle ways 

not the typical romantic stuff like in the movies but LOTS OF SIMPLE, YET DEEP WORDS AND SMALL BUT MEANINGFUL GESTURES

still, sometimes, like on anniversaries, he’d surprise you with thoughtful gifts

like matching jewelry, that record you wouldn’t shut up about, those headphones you’ve been drooling over but couldn’t afford or simply with a home-cooked (three-course) meal

even though he’d not be the type to make grand gestures in public he’d still want people to know you belong together

so he’d probably be quite fond of the idea of wearing matching clothing items or rings 

grumpy Yoongi in the mornings

but you’d always know how to handle him

or he’d rather just not have the heart to stay pissed at you for waking him up because he adores you too much 

he’d be pretty out-spoken and straightforward with you at all times

so he’d expect the same thing from you, especially when it comes to problems in the relationship 

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

and HONESTY and TRUST are incredibly important to Min Yoongi (I mean, they are to everybody, but even more so to him, because to him its’s a big deal to open up and let someone in, so he needs to be able to trust that person unconditionally) 

so DON’T EVER LIE TO HIM OR BREAK HIS TRUST in any way

because once it’s broken, it can’t be restored (all-or-nothing, remember?)

Fighting

you’d probably fight A LOT

seriously

not really fight, maybe, but there’d be countless of heated discussions and arguments or mean comments being thrown around

especially from his side 

since, as I previously said and Yoongi stated himself, he has a bad temper

he’d sometimes lose his nerves over the smallest of things whenever he’d be on edge because he’s stressed about his music or some concert or event with BTS, or simply because he, once again, didn’t get enough sleep or food („angry, hungry - yes, I’m hangry …"— honestly, I believe him to be the hangry kind …)

or the two of you and your opinions would simply clash all the time 

because you’re equally stubborn 

because you would need to be hardheaded in order to make it at a Min Yoongi’s side

during your fights Yoongi would probably dig up meaningless and completely unrelated things which happened months or even years ago, maybe even from back when you weren’t even romantically involved yet 

and in his rage say hurtful things without realizing how deep of an impact they’d have on you 

you’d know not to take them personally

but they’d still hurt 

everything would be over as soon as he’d see the first tear roll down your cheek, though 

because he loves you more than his own life and can’t stand the thought of making you cry or himself for doing so 

„Oh, no, shit. Y/n, I’m so, so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it. Forget what I said, all right? I didn’t mean any of it. You know how I can get sometimes. I’m an idiot, okay? I know I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry, so, so sorry. Please, don’t cry.“ 

you’d (maybe too) easily forgive him

because you’d know that he didn’t mean what he said during the fight 

but the members wouldn’t be that lenient with him 

especially Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon would see it as their duty to talk to him about his behavior towards you and tell him how hard it really is on you 

so he’d think about it and feel awful 

maybe keep his distance after big fights and shut you out entirely for a few hours or even days

meaning: no taking calls, no responding to text messages, no letting you into the studio ...

he’d probably stay holed up in the latter and write a few angry raps or depressed love songs

before he’d finally manage to bring himself to apologize to you

in … well, his own way

when you would be the one out of touch or ignoring him, though, he’d get insanely worried and frustrated real quick 

he’d forget about his pride and do everything in his power to get you to talk to him again 

there’d always be insanely good make-up sex

because he’d miss you like crazy

or a lot of your quarrels would even become heated in a sensual way 

so they’d turn into rough sex on the kitchen counter or wherever you’d have been fighting and be resolved … non-verbally 

you’d need to be careful not to say hurtful things to Yoongi, though, even if you don’t mean them  

because, behind his rough exterior, he’s actually incredibly vulnerable 

you know the saying ‚If you dish it out, you have to be able to take it.‘

well, he wouldn’t be able to take it 

he’d take your words and/or insults very seriously 

they’d haunt him

and only feed his insecurities

Between the sheets

although sex would happen quite often, on a regular, probably even daily basis once you’re well into the relationship 

he would probably take things kind of slow at first

because I believe him to be the kind who needs emotional intimacy first before he is comfortable with also getting physically intimate/for the sex to be meaningful 

so he would not pressure you if you weren’t ready yet in the beginning of your relationship 

I know most people see him as the ‚daddy‘ type

but I don’t think he is ...

sure, he’d have a few kinks (don’t we all?)

but usually sex would be rather ‚simple‘ with him 

also, he’d usually always be the dominant one

would not, never ever, under no circumstances, tolerate being dominated 

would probably get easily frustrated with you if you’d be too sassy in bed 

there’d be TWO WAYS, and rarely ever an in-between

it would either be solely physical

to blow off steam

at these times he’d be kind of (emotionally) detached during the act and treat you rather roughly 

preferably taking you from behind, DOGGY STYLE

pulling your hair 

grabbing you by your hip or ass 

ripping that new black lacy lingerie right off you 

BRUISES 

he wouldn’t look you in the eyes 

maybe even forbid you to look at him  

would usually be like that whenever he’s frustrated/angry/stressed/jealous or the two of you had a fight (to punish you) 

or simply when he’s incredibly horny and annoyed by it and his state being a distraction from his work 

or, the other ‚extreme‘

would be rather ‘soft’ sex

not exactly vanilla 

but more sensual, slow 

the kind where you connect on an emotional level 

an intertwining of souls 

on these occasions he’d slowly undress you

and insist on doing it himself

still staying dominant 

he’d admire every inch of your beautiful body

while covering it in kisses

rough kissing

lots of tongue 

sometimes also lip-biting 

neck/shoulder kisses 

HICKIES 

would prefer to leave them on you, though, not the other way around 

maybe missionary?

would still prefer you from behind, though (just a feeling, can’t exactly tell you why ...) 

intense stares

raspy whispers 

deep GROWLS 

DIRTY TALK 

would love it if you called him by his name/called out his name loudly when you’re about to orgasm

would probably deny you your high whenever he’s not there yet

„Don’t you dare cum before me! We either cum together or you won’t climax at all.“ 

most likely a fan of oral 

would prefer pleasuring you, though

TONGUE TECHNOLOGY 

just saying

nonetheless, he’d never say no to a good blowjob, of course 

sex anywhere, anytime whenever he is/you are in the mood 

on the kitchen counter, on the sofa, in his studio, at some club’s bathroom, in the shower, him pressing you up a wall …

anyway, your ‚sessions‘ would always be intense

leaving you exhausted and out of breath 

he’d be the KING OF AFTERCARE 

because he’s a big softie after all (remember?), especially when it comes to you

if he went a little too far/was a little too rough with you he’d immediately apologize, feeling bad 

inquire if you’re all right 

„I’m so sorry, y/n. I don’t know what was with me. I was just so …“ „It’s okay, Yoongi. Those bruises will be gone in a few days. They don’t even hurt.“ 

make sure you’re warm and hydrated 

cover you in his blanket while he’d get up to fetch you a towel and a fresh set of clothes 

or turn on the water 

for the two of you to take a hot bath/shower together and get cleaned up/calm down/enjoy some more intimacy 

before you’d go to sleep arm in arm 

SPOONING 

he’d be the big spoon 

and keep kissing your neck until you’d fall asleep 

with his arms under your neck and/or wrapped around your waist

General habits/aspects in/of your relationships

whenever he’d be away on tour or something he’d miss you like crazy

even though he would not/only reluctantly admit it

but the other members would notice immediately

because he’d be grumpy and whiny all the time 

he’d text you often 

and call/facetime you at least once a day 

to talk about anything and everything 

or merely check how you’re doing and simply hear your voice 

because he’d love listening to it and sometimes need its sound to fall asleep 

he’d actually probably fall asleep on the phone all the time 

he’d always feel so bad about it 

but you’d find it adorable 

he’d most likely be very secretive about your relationship in public/interviews 

for your and the relationship’s sake 

and only make it official after two years or so by dedicating a song to you on stage and telling ARMY how precious and special you are to him 

asking them politely to show you their respect and love 

Yoongi would also do everything in his power to keep the relationship intact

after bigger fights, too

even though he’d need some time to cool off and probably talk about ending things in the heat of the moment 

he’d not give up on you that easily   

because he’d know that a relationship characterized by such intimacy and understanding as yours is not something you just throw away 

so the two of you would stay together for a long time, growing and evolving together while still consciously remaining two independent individuals 

you’d definitely get at least one more puppy together 

and he’d probably propose to you in a low-key sweet, yet not too kitschy, rather simple way after five years or so

not because he wouldn’t want to marry you

but because he’d feel like you already were 

since to him a signature on paper and a bunch of rings would make no difference 

because he’d believe you to be his soulmate

so it’s already clear to him that you’re gonna spend the rest of your lives together 

marriage contract or not 

I hope you liked it! 💜 And that those lovely Yoongi stans out there are satisfied! 😌💜 You may or may not disagree with me on some points. But, as I said, this is simply my personal opinion of what he’d be like in a romantic relationship. 😌

A/N: Guess who’s my bias lol ...

The same headcanons for the rest of the members will follow soon, in chronological order, sorted by age. The next one will be Jung Hoseok/J-Hope.

Thanks for reading! Take care and have a nice day! 💜

Here you can find my Masterlist if you feel like checking out more of my BTS fiction!

All GIFs used are NOT mine. Credit goes to the initial creators. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.

[tgr489]

Lent-ills

OK so it’s Lent, the jolly season for abstinence, Whilst this is primarily a Cristian holiday other religions offer up the same fasting shenanigans too which means the bulk of the population play homage to such tribulations I thought why not join them. So with the muslims using the exercise to bring them closer to their god and the christians having it as a prep for the big event, I’ve decided I need to bring myself closer to me, because I am my own god, no I don’t have a god complex, and I’ll plan for something ‘big event-wise’ for the easter weekend. 

What to give up? Traditionally this is meat, fish and fat, but that’s kind of easy, well giving up a bit of fat may be tricky, but the rest is fairly simple. I can go without meat quite happily enough, fish would be a bit harder but doable. I’ve lived with various forms of the more choosier eater. From those that only meat which swims in the sea and things that don’t have a face, to those which abstain from animal products altogether.Crazy ones those. So anyway I have a pretty good repertoire of vegetarian meals. So I thought of all the things I probably do without for the next 6 and a bit weeks.

I started thinking about all those things I’d given up in the past the I’d had some form of addiction to, voluntarily or forcibly, and ultimately how many I’d not gone back to and those that were repeat offenders.

Alcohol

Cigarettes

Weed

Cocaine

Workf

Money

The top too are by far the biggest offenders from my past and the hardest ones to ever give up, but everyone knows this, and I managed to finally quit cigarettes a few years back. I realised the first time I smoked weed it would be a life long relationship, and it pretty much has been to this day. Alcohol was the first substance I didn’t realise I had a problem with, until a doctor pointed it out to me. When asked how many units of alcohol I usually drink I said 10 to 15, maybe double that on a weekend night. He stood there like a large mouth bass, shocked at what I’d told him. I spent a bit of time following that conversation in hospital recovering from a car accident, so the abstinence was forced, but it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t want it and when I was discharged I didn’t rush out and get tanked because I craved it. I just enjoyed it a lot for that time in my life. Everyone I worked and socialised with, drank about the same as I did. I was working in a bar/restaurant to put some context to it, but no one seemed to have a problem with it, we were just young and having fun. Of course Booze and Fags are dirty bed fellows, with the raunchy Weed to make it a convenient ménage à trois. Because of the pain meds I was on I couldn’t touch alcohol, and smoking without drinking is like pretty unsociable so they were easy. Weed however was back on the scene as soon as possible. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t like to cane it excessively, just have a toke at least once of twice a day. 

With the good ol’ Bolivian marching powder, I had a bit of a heavy thing with for a very short period of time, but when I saw what it did to a good bunch of people, I banged it on the head for a long while. This now has it’s time and place in my life, sometimes not always nicely at the same time but it’s all about moderation. 

The last 2 went hand in hand as well. But for different reasons. When I work I like to work really intensely for short periods of time and then balance it out by doing some serious time wasting and chilling out. I’ve pretty much lived like this for a long while and it suits me very nicely. The period of my life where I had a workaholic thing defined my life, to a degree, and at some point I’ll write it all down, because that intense section of time will be of benefit to me for hopefully the rest of my life. Essentially I worked like a demon trying to deliver a vision of something I could never really achieve, and I didn’t realise I’d succeeded in delivering a vision which so many people loved, that money just came flooding in to me and my flunky business partners. After a year I was done and walked away and took a year off and did some travelling.

Coming back to the task in hand and I’ve decided on giving up Sugar. It’s in just about everything in a form or other and I can almost certainly do with less of it. At 2 weeks in it has been fucking hard. I have a bit of sweet tooth so I know I’ve always gotta keep some restraint, but actually giving it up has been harder than I thought. The stuff is in more than I first imagined. To take my mind of it I actually started running again, although this will be short lived, as running from my place is tricky unless I run early or late to avoid the masses of people. As the weather is warming up I will be back on my bike in no time and that’s far easier on the body than the impact of running. Of course I could get impacted by a car but I’ll take my chances.

I’ve also taken up a sewing class, at the coercion of Jason’s girl, Mina. After learning how to sew a cushion I’ve already planned for making a small zipper bag to keep all the fucking cables and adapters I continually have to carry around to plug 2 apple devises into each other, a power socket or a screen. It’s ridiculous. Anyway my idea is cool, the delivery will be taxing but the vision of the end product is awesome so I’ll smash it. Plus with my focus on that I’m taken away from thoughts of a girl out west, which is still distracting me. There’ll be more on this and I’ll share photos.

I covered the whole addiction thing with my man and he seems to think I have a grip on things in that area. I’m sure he was a ‘shroom head when he was a bit younger, he just has that look about him.  I asked but he turned it back on to me. We both play that evasion game a times.

Anyways it’s sunny out today and I’m going for a long walk up town to see Harv. Later gator. 

[thaimassagegreenock]

Ask a Health Coach: Eating Primal on Your Period

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Hey folks, Board-Certified Health Coach Chloe Maleski is here to answer your questions about what to eat when PMS’ing or on your period. Struggle with cravings during that time of month? We’re here with guidance and support! Have a question you’d like to ask our health coaches? Leave it below in the comments or over in the .

Daniella asked: “Any advice for eating Primal when I’m on my period or PMS’ing? I do fine the rest of the month but get ravenous and hangry the week before my period and crave all the carbs. Then, during the first two days of my period, I just want to comfort myself with junk food.”

Great question, Daniella. The female reproductive cycle has a huge impact on our hormonal system, metabolism, and nutritional needs. This is yet another reason why there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to healthy eating and living. The optimal diet not only differs from person to person, but also for each individual depending on circumstances and wellness goals. Factors such as time of month, time of year, phase of life, health conditions, and activities all have an impact on appetite, cravings, and nutritional needs.

As women, our monthly cycle offers a wonderful barometer and starting place for touching into those needs and how they shift. While this may be most obvious for women who have a regular menstrual cycle, it’s also true for those who have entered , , and post-menopause.

Some great news for all those phases of life: sets you up to thrive and goes far to eliminate or reduce unwelcome changes such as slower metabolism, extra weight gain, and sugar and carb cravings. Indeed, many symptoms widely considered to be “just PMS,” “just genetics,” or “just part of aging,” are not predetermined at all! Sure, the hormonal and other changes that accompany our reproductive cycle are very real. Same goes for changes in that cycle over a lifespan and the impact of genetics on that process.

Thing is though, any symptoms are a sign of underlying imbalance in our body-mind ecology. Such imbalances are not simply the result of genetics or “what happens to us.” Our eating and lifestyle choices are a major contributing factor. This doesn’t mean we can fix everything through Primal eating and living. It does mean that we have way more power and agency than many realize. Choices and habits, over time, either align with our biology and allow us to thrive…or work against it, and against ourselves.

PMS, Period Symptoms & Diet

What’s this have to do with PMS and period symptoms? A lot! I suspect you already know this, which is why you’re here: Eating Primal, asking questions, wondering how you might fine-tune the “self-experiment” that is you.

As your question implies, we do not need to simply accept sweet cravings or other PMS and period symptoms as “the way it is.” Indeed, as a , many of my female clients report in reduction or elimination of PMS and period symptoms after sticking with a Primal diet consistently for 21 days. Consistency is key here—particularly when it comes to seeing the most significant, most sustained outcomes.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you never eat food outside of Primal parameters. But to see the biggest results, sticking with the true spirit of is pivotal. In other words: Aim to eat real, whole Primal food 100 percent of the time while recognizing that life circumstances sometimes get in the way. Occasional off-roading won’t derail your wider efforts (so long as it truly is occasional); simply re-set and recalibrate by returning to Primal meals.

Eating Primal and still feeling PMS’y? You’re not alone and that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Some women do stay 100 percent Primal and still experience intense hunger, sugar and carb cravings, moodiness, and other symptoms before and during their period.

One reason for this is the impact of changing hormones. During menstruation, a woman’s serotonin levels are at their lowest. Carbohydrates increase the availability of the primary amino acid precursor to serotonin: tryptophan. In simple terms, this means craving carbs during your period is totally natural! It may also indicate that you are low in serotonin, and your body wants more of it.

This does not mean eating all the carbs will help, however—loading up on grains and sugars will likely make symptoms worse.

Still, the days leading up to menstruation may be the perfect time to increase consumption of healthy Primal carb sources. Think: yams, squash, potatoes, fruit, and .

Turns out, our body is primed to do exactly that during the mid-luteal phase of our cycle, two weeks before . Estrogen dominates at that time, and we are optimized for glycogen storage.

Yet again, our body’s innate intelligence for the win! Our job is to listen and, to the extent possible, adjust eating and lifestyle patterns to support and align with biology.

Of course, if your symptoms are particularly intense or even debilitating, you’ll want to check with your doctor or another licensed medical practitioner to troubleshoot other potential causes or underlying conditions. This doesn’t mean they’ll find anything wrong—but getting as much information as possible allows you to make the best-informed decisions.

You’re Not (Only) What You Eat

If you’re doing the above and still experiencing PMS and period symptoms, remember that Primal eating is only one aspect of the . Other key ones here include:

.

(probably outside of period time, when your energy isn’t lagging).

I realize the last one, in particular, isn’t the most popular advice. But before you rule it out, and know that “sprinting” doesn’t look the same for everyone and is way easier and more accessible than you might think!

It also tends to move the needle when it comes to overcoming stubborn plateaus in hormonal and metabolic symptoms. Consider sprint sessions during times of the month when your strength and energy are at their highest. Then, come period time, shift into regular, daily movement that doesn’t leave you fatigued.

More generally, the above “rules” have a huge impact on our hormonal ecology, as do . If you’re eating Primal and still getting PMS or period symptoms, look there. Troubleshooting PMS and period cravings can be as simple as shifting to a Primal diet and upping your Primal carbs, getting enough sleep and sun, and moving your body in healthy ways.

That said, everyone is unique and your perfect protocol won’t look like everyone else’s. For custom-made support, consider working with a one-on-one! We can help you get clear on what diet approach and lifestyle practices are best for you. Visit  to learn more and get started!

Do you crave certain foods when PMS’ing or on your period? Has this changed since going Primal? Let us know and drop other questions for me in the comments!

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References

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