#my three-year relationship ending last year during STICK SEASON

[insignem]

I'm definitely not the first and I won't be the last to say this but something about spending every single one of your formative years in small-town New England makes Noah Kahan just really hit hard.

[nonclassyparty]

tins without labels - chapter 1 (j.wy)

summary: Jung Wooyoung's life was always somehow intertwined with your own. from living in the same neighbourhood as kids to attending the same college; fights, bickering, bruises, teasing comments and tears. Wooyoung and you were never complete strangers but never friends either. Always somewhere in between, growing up with each other but never actually knowing one another. The relationship takes a confusing turn in your third year of college after an injury that places your football career on hold. Lonely, lost and confused, you find yourself at your first college party in the presence of none other than Jung Wooyoung asking him to show you what exactly have you been missing out on. playlist // my main masterlist // moodboard (tba)//click to donate to Palestine

pairing: jung wooyoung x reader warnings: drinking, little bit of kissing, descriptions of erm...male genitalia? cursing, cringe fest you've been warned. !word count: 9.3k taglist: @maru-matt @yawnzshit @mcsalterego @ddaeing @downbadreading @btshook (sorry if i forgot anyone but pls reply if u want to be added!)

previous chapter

(chapter 1; when we feel each other up)

Got different people inside my head, I wonder which one that they like best, I'm done with tryna have it all, and ending up with not much at all

present time (21 and 23 years old);

There was a really ugly drawing framed and hanging on the wall at the doctor's office.

It was a house tilting to one side with three stick figurines whose shoes were far too big next to it with strokes of green thrown everywhere which you presume is supposed to be grass. It was drawn by crayons.

You presume it's an art piece made by the doctor's kid but you hope she realizes early on that her daughter or son doesn't really have a proclivity for the arts.

But then again, maybe they will later on. Maybe they'll stand out amongst their peers and be further encouraged by their parents. Maybe they'll even take private lessons to get better. Maybe they'll get into art school and have the professor praise them up on how their talent is extremely rare. Maybe they'll even win some awards.

And then, maybe someone will break their hand so badly that they never get to hold a brush again.

Alright, now you were just projecting.

But what else is there to do as you sit in the almost sterile office with your dad by your side as the doctor keeps going on and on with a somber expression on her face. You're sure Doctor Son is a nice lady, if you were paying attention you'd maybe notice that she tries to break the news extra gently but you're barely listening.

There's been a lot of "it was more serious than we first thought", "rehabilitation will be a long and steady process", "a new excellent physical therapist works at the sports center on campus so she'll be able to visit him a couple times a week, we've already made sure that he gives all of his attention to her" and the most gruesome one, "another even minor injury and there's a risk of her not being able to walk again."

You don't really have to be paying too much attention to know what the underlined thought is.

No more football.

The persistent ache in your left knee serves a constant reminder of what happened almost four months ago, it was the last game of the season. Little did you know it might be the last game of your measly career.

You refuse to look at your dad, feeling the sadness radiate off of him like it does every time he speaks to any of the doctors you've visited in the past four months.

And it's been a lot of doctors.

The fact that you spent the whole summer at home for the first time since you finished high school didn't help. All he did was coddle you and stare in pity and disappointment. Or try to be overly positive and enthusiastic about your recovery.

You didn't know which was worse.

After the final doctor's appointment before the start of the new semester which you leave with barely saying a word during the almost half an hour you're there, you and your dad get lunch at a dinner just off campus.

The thick holder containing scans, blood tests, surgery papers and whatnot, lies on the table between the two of you and you feel like nothing could cut through the thick silence.

Your dad, of course, tries.

"You can still have an amazing career in education, you know? Your mother was a teacher and she loved her job."

It's just sometimes, your father really doesn't know how to beat around the bush and in this moment, you wish he did.

"Right." Is all you say.

Neither one of you comments on what you both know. Which is that you didn't give a fuck about your major in education. Sure, you had passing grades but that is because you needed to study something to stay on the team and not because you were actually interested.

Football was always the bigger picture, the real goal.

"You can always switch majors?" He offers and you nod again, thanking the waiter when he brings two bowls of noodles to your table. 

You don't want to say that switching majors in your third year of college seems like a complete waste, of both money and time.

He sighs and you know he's frustrated with you, you understand it as well but you can't control it. Talking about your career, now that your dream career is over and done with, is an extremely sore subject.

"You know what, you've been working so hard since before you even started college, you deserve to rest."

"I've been resting since May." You respond and he winces at the mention of May. When it all fell apart.

"That wasn't rest. It was recovery." You give him a bland look and he sighs again, "I'm just saying! Maybe you'll discover something else you like to do this semester."

"Doubtful." You murmur, the reality finally sinking in at least a little.

"It's not doubtful at all." Your dad scoffs, taking a slurp of his noodles. "You're twenty-one, your life just begun, I'm sure there are other things to do and new people to meet. You wouldn't know if you never even tried."

"Dad-"

"Get yourself a boyfriend. Go to parties. Find yourself some friends who aren't talking behind your back in the locker room-"

"They weren't my friends-"

"Live your life. Is my point. Don't be cooped up in your bedroom, refusing to see anyone like you were doing the whole summer. Just...try, at least." He is silently begging now and now, it's your time to sigh.

"Fine."

"Who knows...you might discover that football isn't all there is to life."

You go silent at that, embarrassed of your own thoughts on the matter so you just keep them to yourself.

-

You flip through the pages of the magazine that you've read front to back at least four times by now before throwing it on your bed.

Your dad left earlier this afternoon after you've settled into your dorm and since then you've just been lounging on your bed, trying to busy yourself with knick-knacks that you have lying around so the time could pass faster.

You adjust the ice pack on your knee a bit better and with a soft sigh, your eyes fall on your roommate.

Yunjin was sitting behind her desk that was pushed up right next to your identical one and was busy doing her makeup. Carefully applying a pretty shade to her eyelids as she moves her desk mirror to her liking.

She was getting ready to go to a party no doubt. It was the last Friday before the new semester after all and Yunjin was a frequent party goer from what you could tell in these years living together.

Yunjin and you have been roommates since freshman year and yet, you've barely spoken to each other. Always sticking to your sides of the generously sized dorm room, you guess it's because you don't have much in common with each other that you never tried to be friends.

You didn't know much about her if you were honest, just that she majored in political science, often dyed her hair and had a lot of friends. You were sort of the complete opposites from what you could tell.

But since she kept renewing her contract for the room with you every year, you think it's safe to assume that she at least doesn't mind you all too much.

Just...try, at least.

You clear your throat. Here you go...

"You, uh, you do your makeup really prettily." It's out of your mouth before you know it, you already feel awkward as it is but when your red haired roommate turns to you in surprise that maybe you even spoke in the first place - the awkwardness triples.

"Oh." Yunjin utters with raised brows before a tiny, careful smile settles on her face. "Thank you."

So...now what?

You both stare at each other for a long hard second and you hesitate, thinking it's best to leave it at that. Keeping up a conversation was never your strongest suit either. Now that you think of it, apart from football, you don't have any strong suits at all.

"I, uh, I had a lot of practice." She offers awkwardly, motioning to her face with the eyeshadow brush wedged gently between her fingers.

"Right, yeah, I can totally see that." You nod, surprised that she responded back with something that almost sounds like she wants the conversation to keep going. You clear your throat, "The eyeliner and stuff, seems tricky."

It seems like that was all it took for the ice to disapparate for Yunjin because next thing you know, she's rambling without a plan to stop;

"Oh, that's just at the beginning, the first couple of tries I mean and that goes for everything makeup related or, hm, maybe everything life related as well, wow." Yunjin shakes her head as if life philosophies were certainly not more important than a perfect winged eyeliner, "But anyways, I was looking like a panda for the majority of my junior year in high school." She chuckles at that, not looking embarrassed at all, "Had those thick eyebrows as well, it was a complete disaster. But the longer I wore makeup, the better I got at it and the more I learned what suited my face."

You clutch the pillow in your lap as you diligently listen to her, feeling like a younger sibling watching her older sister get ready for a party. 

"People say eyeliner isn't in fashion anymore, like it's an old makeup trend or whatever," Yunjin rolls her eyes at you and you chuckle lightly, shyly because you had no idea what was in trend, "Such bullshit, I'll never stop wearing it. It looks so good on me."

She observes the perfect thin wings decorating her eyelids and almost sighs a little in admiration.

You nod in agreement, not being able to stop yourself, "You have big eyes so the eyeliner frames them perfectly. It suits you."

Yunjin smiles happily, "Right? I totally look like Jihyo from TWICE, right?"

You hesitate, having no idea what Jihyo from TWICE looked like but you don't have the heart to sway her happiness so you just give her a small nod.

You continue to chat, mostly Yunjin talks, and by the amount she seems to have to say to you, you start to think that maybe all this time it wasn't that Yunjin avoided getting to know you because she wasn't interested in knowing her roommate. It seems like she had the idea that you had no interest into getting to know her, so she never bothered.

Once she's done with her makeup and she looks over herself in her precious small round mirror standing on her desk in satisfaction, she turns to you with a glare.

It's not a glare as if you've wronged her somehow but a glare of curiosity and seemingly not taking 'no' for an answer. You raise your brows.

Her glare deepens, one inquisitive but perfectly plucked eyebrow raised, "Do you want me to do your makeup?"

"Oh," You huff out, for some reason embarrassed that she's aware you're a complete klutz in that department, "I don't know."

"Hm, why not? You might like it. Makeup is fun!" 

"No, I know I'll like it." Your cheeks flush, embarrassment growing at the thought of her thinking that you're one of those girls who thinks she's better for not being interested in makeup. It wouldn't be the first time it happened. "I just...won't I look stupid?"

"Stupid?" Yunjin frowns as if the idea is ridiculous and maybe it was a little. "Why would you look stupid? I'm basically a pro at this, I wouldn't let you look stupid."

"Oh, I didn't mean anything about your...y'know, skills." You grimace when she continues to stare at you, not really in the mood to disclose that ever since a stupid teenage boy named Son Eunwoo laughed at you at prom for trying to look pretty that you've given up on it as it obviously didn't suit you all that much. "Just, y'know, people will think I look silly if I wear it. It's not my thing...y'know?"

There's a faint moment of silence and you cast your eyes somewhere else as you feel awkward all over again for ruining the relaxed mood. Finally, Yunjin speaks,

"Y/N," She calls quietly, face set in a serious expression when you bring your eyes up to her again, "Do you want me to do your makeup?"

You blink at her a couple of times, mouth parted as she sits in her chair, perfectly curled hair and perfectly applied makeup, and waits for your response.

"I'll go wash my face."

"Yes, you go do that and don't forget to moisturize."

It doesn't take more than twenty minutes for Yunjin to do your makeup. Before she starts, you carefully tell her you don't want too much and she says she'll ask before everything she applies if you want it or not.

And she really does.

She places a little bit of foundation just to cover the natural redness of your cheeks and the couple of small pimples that appeared on your chin. She foregoes contouring because you tell her you don't want that, not sure what's the purpose of it. 

She goes a little bit crazy with the eyeshadows though, maybe she notices that you have the most interest in them. Glitter especially. It makes your eyes look glossy, almost wet but you're sure you're not describing that properly.

She even does some thin eyeliner on you, some mascara, brushes out your eyebrows but doesn't fill them out because you tell her you don't like them looking sharp. Some blush, a pretty light orange color that decorates your cheeks in a way that it surprises you by how good it looks on your face. And at the end, some lip gloss to finish everything off.

All through out, you two talk. About school, about your hometowns, about your parents.

It's bonding, you realize. 

You never bonded with anyone through makeup before, it was usually over football with Ryujin or gossiping over the people you knew from school because that's what you had in common with her. But football is gone now, so is high school and for years now, so was Ryujin.

It was hard to keep up with a friendship that was out of necessity in the first place, even harder when there's an entire ocean separating you now.

But with Yunjin, although you seemingly have nothing much in common, the conversation just flows with each soft stroke of a brush or pat on the cheek.

"See!" She hands you her round mirror to look at yourself, "You look so good!"

"Oh," You muse out, staring at the reflection, admiring the glitter and shimmer and all the colors you're not used to having on your face, "I like it."

"Now, don't get me wrong!" She warns quickly with her hands up, painted nails glistening under the shitty dorm lights, "You look good without makeup too. Well," She rolls her eyes at herself, "You obviously know that since you don't wear it at all as it is but like, if you sometimes want to wear it, you'll know now that it won't look stupid on you."

You chuckle shyly at her short rant, placing the mirror back on her desk. 

You wished Yunjin's words of affirmation would be enough to rid you of all your insecurities regarding makeup or...anything 'girly', they don't but you don't have the heart to tell her that. "Thanks."

She nods in response before checking her phone for the time apparently. She throws it on her bed before clapping her hands, "Well, since you already have your makeup done, you might as well go to this party with me."

That leaves you stumped. You turn to look at her from the chair in front of her desk. Party? "Wait, what?"

Yunjin doesn't even grace you with a look, standing in front of her closet which was flung open as she sorts through different materials and patterned clothes.

"Come on L/N, brush your hair out and get into a pair of jeans that make your ass look great." Her head peaks out from behind the door of her closet, she winks at you, "I'll worry about your top."

You really don't know how this happened. You don't know how you ended up here, in the jeans that hugged your hips and thighs the tightest and in the most preposterously skimpy top you have ever worn with your brushed out long hair falling over your back and your lips tinted a deep glossy red. You were a willing participant in it but you really have no idea how this happened.

"I don't think this is an appropriate outfit." You tell Yunjin as you look over yourself in the tall mirror which you both share. "I don't think this shirt is supposed to be worn like this."

"Actually," Yunjin said as she fixed her skirt in the mirror behind you and paid no mind to your ongoing breakdown, "For the last three months I thought I got scammed by the online shop I ordered that top from because it looked nothing like the photos on me but now looking at you, I'm starting to realize that the online shop is legit and that I simply didn't have the tits to fill it out."

You spluttered about at her commentary as you stared at the outfit, wondering if it would be rude to chicken out on her now.

Your light blue denim flare jeans and white sneakers looked totally acceptable. They were yours after all. 

The shirt, the offending bright red sleeveless low cut crop top that almost had your boobs out completely for the whole entire world to see, on the other hand, was certainly not.

You don't think you've ever worn something so short, so tight, so...revealing. In your life.

It's not even that you felt uncomfortable in it, really, you thought you looked hot but it just....wasn't You.

And at that point, you had to remind your self very strongly that you had no idea what You actually was. Football was no more (at least for the near future but you have an inkling it's for forever) and maybe the you that was tied to it and that the rest of your small world knew should rest for a little bit while you explore what other you's are there.

Beats moping around and feeling sorry for yourself, at least.

Yes. You will try your hardest not to care what anyone else might think tonight. You looked good. Sexy as fuck, as Yunjin said.

It wasn't all she said. Yunjin, as you begin to find out in the last hour you've actually spoken to her, is the best when it comes to making a girl feel good about herself.

"God, Y/N, your body is crazy." You hear her say as she pulls your hand away from your stomach that was bare since the skimpy shirt or jeans didn't cover it. She stares at your abs. "Do you still workout?"

Still. Meaning she also knows you're a retired athlete at only twenty-one years of age. Once again, you have to try your best to not let that reminder dampen your mood.

"Thanks." You respond clearing your throat, giving her a weak smile. "Yeah, I workout five times a week."

You don't mention the physical therapy you're about to start next week or the fact that all your workouts are under strict supervision ever since the injury happened. That, starting from next week, two other people will be responsible of you staying in shape.

It's so pitiful, you're so used to doing everything on your own.

"Five?!" Yunjin's jaw drops before she scoffs, looking at her body in the mirror with overly critical eyes.

Yunjin seemed to be naturally on the skinnier side, she didn't have any muscle built up. Not like you, years of doing football made your physique change, your body looked amazing - you were aware of that. Personal trainers, coaches both male and female told you so at least....'Defined thighs, defined stomach, toned arms...'. You heard enough about your body to know that it looked good.

It took years of sweat and regular gym hours to make it that way though and you feel bad that Yunjin seems to be comparing it to her own.

"When I was in my best shape, I had a whole team of people working with me from diet to workouts, that includes my coach as well." You chuckle lightly, as she turns her eyes from her stomach to you, "Everyone was expecting me to go pro so...The university invested a lot in me."

You force out another laugh, not trying to turn an attempt to stop the comparisons into a pity party. "Even now when I won't be playing, I'll have two people working with me."

When all you get in return is a dumbfounded stare, you groan feeling like you read the situation incorrectly. Your social cues still need some catching up to do.

So, there's nothing left to do when you feel so uncomfortable but ramble and it's what you do best, you will be quick to learn.

"This is stupid, I don't know if that's what you were doing and I'll feel like shit if I say it but ended up assuming it wrong but I'll say it anyway just in case; if you were comparing yourself to me, don't, I had professionals working with me for the past three years. Professionals that are extremely expensive and finished schools and shit to learn how to make people look hot and fit, so...." You trail off, avoiding her eyes at all cost and scratching behind your neck awkwardly.

The silence is so long that it almost wills you to run out of the room and maybe ask for a permanent roommate change, just to beat Yunjin to the punch. Instead, you hear a stifled giggle.

You glance at her just to see your roommate bite back a grin.

You huff, cheeks turning red from the embarrassment because you barely speak but when you do, it's really almost always complete and utter shit, as you try to hide your own smile.

"You're a nice girl, Y/N."

"Yeah, yeah." You huff, always terrible at taking compliments, "So are you, I guess."

She snorts at your awkwardness but doesn't further comment on it as she rummages through her jewelry box and pokes big hoop earrings on.

"And you can keep that shirt if you want...God, I hate you big boobed bitches." You let out a surprised laugh at that as she rummages some more through her jewelry box. "Do you have any earrings for yourself? I'd offer you a necklace but I think it's hotter if your neck is bare honestly."

"Um," You approach your desk and pull out your mom's jewelry box with a humble amount of items in it. You show her your tiny golden hoops, "What about these?"

"Yeah, those are great. Put those on and let's get ready to go, Chaewon might be dancing on tables by now."

As you lock the door to your dorm and turn to leave, Yunjin intertwines your arms as you both walk down the hall crowded by college students either going in or going out.

New girl friend, not so bad, you think to yourself.

Chaewon is not dancing on tables when you get there. You don't exactly know who Chaewon is but there's nobody dancing on tables in the crowded frat house you've walked into. You don't know anyone there, you thought you might see some girls from your team at least despite not getting along with them the best but you don't.

Yunjin, on the other hand, seems to know everyone.

She greets every living soul in the dusty, stuffy living room and every living soul greets her back. You guess it's safe to say that your roommate slash new girl friend is very popular with the party crowd at your campus.

As it's your first ever college party, you just follow her around like a lost puppy but she never makes you feel like a lost puppy, instead, she introduces you to every person that comes to chat with her even though you can hardly remember their names. You appreciate that more than you'd like to admit.

You end up in the kitchen which is less crowded but still has a handful of people in it where Yunjin shoves the classic red party cup in your hand and clinks it with her matching one, telling you to drink up.

At least you're not a complete virgin in this area. You drank before, you weren't an expert or anything because alcohol is limited for athletes but still, it's one of the first 'not first's of the night.

You meet Chaewon who is bubbly and cute with her bob and sparkly eyes. She's not nearly as drunk as Yunjin led you to believe she would be. When you comment on it, Chaewon smacks Yunjin's arm jokingly.

"You've made the girl think I'm an alcoholic or something." She scolds your roommate with a smirk before turning to you, smile back to complete innocence, "I don't even drink that much, Y/N. Honest."

Yunjin comes closer to mutter in your ear, "She's a liar, it's just that she's trying to be sober to see if the guy she's into comes alone tonight."

"Oh!" You nod and give Chaewon a reassuring smile as she goes beet red in the face and glares at Yunjin who continues to tease her.

You were about to tell Yunjin that you much prefer the crowd in the kitchen than the living room area and that you'd hope to stay here a bit more but you don't get a chance to.

 Loud hoots echo through the kitchen and you turn your head to see what the ruckus is all about only to see the bane of your very existence walk in with a wide smile along with a group of other guys, greeting everyone like he's the king of the world and with the way everyone in the room treats him - he might as well be.

Of course. Of fucking course, Jung Wooyoung would be considered the life of the party.

He can be! You don't give a fuck! But why did it have to be the first party that you are attending.

You try to hide your scowl by taking another sip of your drink, trying your hardest not to let your eyes trace his movements from the other side of the kitchen island but one second your eyes are coasting over his ridiculous outfit (which he looks damn near scrumptious in but that's besides the point and something you will never admit that you ever thought about for even a second) and the next thing you know - his eyes are meeting yours.

You quickly whip your head to stare into the living room, feeling the edge of the counter dig into your back.

Yunjin and Chaewon are talking about something, laughing loudly through the noisy room and you're trying to hard to keep up with their conversation but that turns out to be impossible now that you're aware of a certain menace lurking about.

And lo and behold, quickly enough he skulks away from his group of friends and sneaks up to your side in three long strides.

"Well, well, well, do my eyes deceive me or is this Y/N Y/L/N at a frat house party?"

You stand rigid as his clothed elbow brushes your bare one but otherwise don't give him any further acknowledgement. Yunjin, from your freshly learned discovery is ever the social butterfly, grins with an eyeroll.

"Don't be a dick, Wooyoung."

Oh. Oh.

Yunjin knows Wooyoung. Well, that makes just about everything a thousand times worse.

"What? I didn't say anything." Jung Wooyoung defends with a smug smile from next to you before giving Chaewon a charming (or at least what might be charming by some people's standards, definitely not yours or anything) smile. "Chaewon, hello."

She stifles a laugh, "Hi, Wooyoung."

You're irritated to the highest degree for some reason.

Why were you never on the receiving end of his charming smiles? Again, charming by some people's standards. Let it be known, it's not by yours. Not that you want to be on the receiving end of any kind of Jung Wooyoung smile but just...why aren't you ever?

"Can't believe you two managed to get babyface over here out of her room for once." He comments and for a second you have no idea who he's referring to. Until Chaewon laughs lightly again before motioning towards Yunjin.

"That's all Yunjin. I just met Y/N, actually."

"Lucky you." Wooyoung adds and only after his second mischievous glance do you realize they're talking about you.

"Babyface?" You turn to him, growing outraged as his lips stretch into a wide grin. What is it with him and these weird nicknames which all contain the word 'baby' in them. What happened to calling you a troll like he did in middle school and moving about his night?

He shrugs, "I reckon it's better than crybaby."

"You reckon?" You scoff, not being able to stop yourself. Not even a full minute with him and you're already showcasing the gnarly childish side of yourself to girls you were hoping would become your friends. "Wow, how many years of college and you're finally using big words, Jung."

Wooyoung, for reasons you could never wrap your head around, looks positively delighted at your quip. "If you think 'reckon' is a big word then I have no further comments, Y/L/N."

You flush a deep red at that as a glare fully sets down on your face, aimed entirely towards him now. He bites his lip to stop himself from laughing which only makes you grow redder.

"So, you two know each other?" You forgot for a split second that the two of you were in the presence of your new friends. Yunjin stares at you with brows raised.

With a solemn sigh, you respond, "We were neighbours."

"We still are." Wooyoung adds, cozying up to you further. You watch in contempt the way his shoulder brushes yours and his arm lays on the kitchen island behind you, one wrong move and his arm would be around your waist. Seriously, why is he so damn close?

To your own embarrassment, you find yourself not moving away, liking his warmth and whatnot. Maybe, he smells nice as well. Just a little bit. Something citrusy and delicious. Whatever.

"Oh?" Yunjin asks, looking awfully too interested in your relationship with Wooyoung. Not that there is a relationship. Your brows furrow as you observe the way she silently communicates with Chaewon.

"What?" You ask, lost entirely. 

Chaewon gives you the same, overly enthusiastic smile, "Oh, nothing."

Wooyoung's chest shakes against you from silent laughter about something you must've missed and you turn to glare at him. He didn't do anything, you just felt like it.

A couple of minutes of conversation pass and you find yourself even enjoying it, despite the little nuisance stuck to your side. It's been awhile since you hung out with anybody, you never thought you even needed it but you think you understand now the hype around these college weekend hangouts.

Until it somehow dips to Yunjin and Chaewon ditching you.

"Y/N, remember that guy Yunjin was talking to you about? The one I have a crush on?" You nod as Chaewon talks against your ear, "Well, he just got here and Yunjin and I will go say hi to him."

"Oh, I'll come with!" You say pathetically before Yunjin loudly exclaims "NO!"

"No, Y/N, you stay right here with Wooyoung, okay?" She motions to the guy next to you, "You two seem to have so much in common!"

She's giving you a weird smile, overly wide, overly excited and you have trouble reading what she's trying to tell you, not knowing her nearly enough to be able to read girl code already.

You can barely get a word in and they're already gone, whisked by the living room crowd and you're stuck with Jung Wooyoung of all people by your side, feeling completely and utterly stupid. 

They...ditched you? Did Yunjin regret inviting you? Did she find you embarrassing? Maybe you should just go home.

A deep sigh is heard by your side and you're once again reminded with who they left you with.

"Y/L/N, they didn't ditch you. They don't hate you or whatever it is that you scrambled up in that big head of yours, they're trying to set you up with me." Wooyoung lazily explains from your right and you turn to look at him like he's crazy. What surprises you more than his statement is the fact that he's actually sticking by your side.

"What? Set you up with me?" You scoff, crossing your bare arms over your chest, "Don't be ridiculous."

He snorts, "You'd rather think they ditched you than trying to get you laid?"

You go silent at that. Laid. How preposterous. How insane and how ridiculous.

It's another thing that you're a complete virgin to. Literally and figuratively. You've never went with a boy past a clumsy make out session. Get laid, you scoff inwardly, how silly.

Suddenly, you're aware of a pair of eyes on the side of your face and you're not surprised to find Jung Wooyoung staring at you in amusement. With all your defenses up, you ask, "What?"

His eyes twinkle with mirth. "I didn't say anything."

Another moment of silence between the two of you passes. Some guy comes to greet Wooyoung, he gives you a small nod in greeting which you return and after some small talk between the two of them he walks away, leaving you two alone once again in the middle of the semi-crowded kitchen.

Wooyoung inches closer to you again, mirroring your stance now by leaning against the island with his back. "Is being alone with me that scary that you refuse to talk?"

"Scary?" You scoff again, it's all you seem to do in his presence, without even looking at him. "Don't flatter yourself too much, Jung, you're not nearly as intimidating as you like to think you are."

"Who said I thought I was intimidating?" He asks calmly, enjoying the way you're riled up for no apparent reason.

You don't answer his question, aware that you're being a bitch for no reason. But it's his fault if anything, years of juvenile fights made Jung Wooyoung bring out the worst in you.

"These parties don't seem like they're all that." You comment, more to yourself than anything but he's obviously listening so you decide to include him in the conversation. "Don't you get bored of them?"

Wooyoung hums from next to you, lightly swaying to the music from the living room as he hands you a cold cup of...something and takes one for himself as well. It feels weird that he actually is sort of attentive by getting you a drink when he noticed your empty cup on the island. You decide not to dwell on it too much.

"Bored? Not really, they get repetitive but there's always something fun to do." He responds, mouth quirking up as he looks down at you. Your eyes flicker down to his lips just in time for his tongue to swipe across his bottom lip. You look away quickly.

Clearing your throat, for the life of you, you have no idea why you nod to a couple in the corner right next to the kitchen almost having intercourse against a wall. "Like that?"

Wooyoung snickers and you feel yourself flush slightly but you blame it on the drink which is...much better than whatever Yunjin handed to you at the beginning of the night. "Don't blame people for having fun, Y/L/N."

You turn to him with your nose crinkled, "That's your idea of fun?"

Wooyoung seems a bit surprised and yet strangely intrigued by the course of the conversation. Maybe you are too but in this moment, it feels all too exhilarating with him being so close and you being a complete and utter virgin and all. God, if Chaewon and Yunjin left you here in hopes of getting you laid, maybe they were right.

There's no reason to be acting like this around Jung Wooyoung.

Honestly, what is wrong with you Y/N? Maybe you really should fuck someone. You'd stop thinking about Jung Wooyoung this way and lose your virginity at last.

Two birds with one stone.

"I know lots of ideas of fun." Wooyoung starts before he gives you that devastating grin of his that you despised even as a lovesick teenage girl as he subtly nods to the couple, still at it in the corner, "That is one of them. Although I'd at least take it up to one of the bedrooms upstairs."

Your nose crinkles in disgust again at the thought of the state of the beds in these dirty testosterone filled frat houses. "Gross, they probably don't even change the sheets."

"My apartment is two blocks away." Wooyoung adds, a little too quickly in your, once again completely virgin, opinion. "I always have that option as well, y'know?"

You blink a couple of times, staring at the kitchen tiles as you start thinking that you're not talking about his ideas of fun only anymore.

Was he-? Is he trying to-? No. No way. Do not.

"Right." You say quietly, taking a tiny sip of your drink before smacking your lips.

There is no way that in any shape or form Jung Wooyoung is attempting to flirt with you. 

He's quiet for only a couple of seconds before two other guys approach him, doing those weird half hugs half handshakes that assholes like Jung Wooyoung use to greet their friends. Which he seems to have a bunch of. Mr. Popular he is.

While they converse, your eyes are still stuck on the couple making out in the corner of the room and to not seem like a complete and utter creep, you draw your eyes away from them into the living room where...all you seem to see are couples.

Flirting. Kissing. Grinding on each other (Gross). Humping on the couch (Double Gross, you're sure people use that to sit on ordinary days). Clumsily walking up the stairs with their hands already on each other's clothes (Triple Gross). They're all going to have sex!

Meanwhile, you're a virgin. Not by choice either, if it were up to you you'd grab the first guy you see right this second and let him fuck you just to get it over with. It's not like you're saving yourself for someone special or anything. Too bad that they all seem to be taken one way or another and the only guy you've spent the whole night talking to is-

Wait.

Nononono.

But-

Wait.

You turn to observe Jung Wooyoung by your side, who is still talking to his two buddies. None of them paying you any mind.

As you mentioned before, there was a general consensus going around that Jung Wooyoung was good looking. You've seen him only a handful times since that night he dropped you off home after prom even if you're both on the same campus but you can admit (although you'll outwardly deny it if anybody asks) that he has gotten even hotter.

His face lost all of his baby fat with years that went by, his jawline got sharper and lips plusher. His eyes were expressive and the mole under one of them was cute. His hair was still long, you don't know if he cut it after prom night and just let it grow out again or if this was simply the length her preferred, now all black but it suited him immensely.

He had nice hands as well. Veiny hands, long fingers with nice and tidy nails. And you might've called his outfit ridiculous but you only did it to fulfill your role as his self-appointed enemy, it wasn't that ridiculous. Just a pair of baggy jeans and a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up. You guess he knows that he has sexy hands. The first three buttons of his shirt were undone, making sure to showcase the naturally tanned smooth skin underneath and a necklace decorating his collarbones.

This...whore. 

A man that plays up his good physical attributes this well could be nothing else but a man that gets around a lot.

When you notice that you've spent a good two minutes doing nothing but checking Jung Wooyoung out, you notice that his two friends have left already and he's holding his red cup while staring at you with an amused smirk on his face.

"What now?" He asks and you part your lips before licking them, almost shivering when you catch Wooyoung following the action closely.

Well, your dad did say that should live your life and try at least. His words, not yours!

Although when he said them, you are most definitely sure your dad didn't think you'd ever be applying them when asking Jung Wooyoung to take your virginity but what he doesn't know won't put him in an early grave.

You are twenty-one years old and among a lot of other things, you are horny. It's time to get a move on.

"I'm going to ask you something now and for once," You let out a soft sigh, eyes fluttering shut as you can't believe you're about to do this before opening them to level Jung Wooyoung with an open stare as you inch closer to him to make sure he can hear every word, "Just this once, I ask of you, nicely, to not be a dick about it. If you're not up for it, just...just let me down gently. Don't laugh at me, please, just tell me no and we'll forget it ever happened."

All traces of amusement leave Wooyoung's eyes after your all-too-honest speech and he turns to rest his hip against the kitchen island to be face to face with you. He looks serious and asks quietly, "What do you wanna ask me, Y/L/N?"

You take a deep breath, feeling undeniably nervous under his heavy gaze. "Those ideas of fun you mentioned before, the ones involving your apartment...."

Wooyoung presses the rim of the cup against his lower lip, teeth gently grazing it before he takes a sip. He nods, looking a little confused as he swallows, teeth coming back to bite on the cup.

"Mind showing me?"

It takes him a second to catch on but when he does, it only takes another second for the mischief in his eyes to triple and lips placed against the rim of his red cup to stretch into a wide breathtaking smile.

-

Wooyoung had an inkling of an idea where the course of the night would take him when he first left his apartment. Have a drink or two, mess about with the guys for a few hours and maybe if he was up to it, find someone to take home.

 But this... if someone told him this would happen, he'd burst out laughing and call that person crazy. Insane. Deranged. A lunatic. 

Really, he had no idea how the hell this happened. 

This being two handfuls of your jean-covered ass in his hands, tongue shoved deep into your mouth as he pushes you against his hallway wall and swallows every tiny sound you make while your hands tug and rake through his hair.

He's pretty sure your dark red lip gloss is all over his cheeks from how messy and rushed the kissing is. Everything tastes like artificial cherries, a taste too sweet for Wooyoung's liking accompanied by a tinge of vodka and lemonade that you've both been drinking.

Your hands are soft when they run over his jaw and latch onto his shoulders, he swallows another surprisingly sweet whine of yours and slips a leg between your thighs. Embarrassingly enough, Wooyoung is already hard and once his hands slip from your ass to your hips just to feel the way you move them as you grind against his thigh - he fears he might finish in his pants.

Yeah, if at the start of the night someone told him that Y/L/N Y/N would be dry humping him in the hallway of his small studio apartment after he went out of his way to keep her company at a party, he surely would've dialed the nearest psychiatric institution to take that person in for much needed treatment.

When you reward him with a whimper that goes straight to his dick for placing a kiss underneath your ear, Wooyoung starts coating your neck in slow hot kisses and bites that leave you trembling in his arms. 

He's been (as subtly as he could) staring at the naked skin that your shirt revealed for the majority of the night anyway so, truly, this isn't much of a chore for him.

When his teeth gently graze your clavicle, he pulls away for just a moment and realizes he's finally gotten a front seat view of your tits.

Jesus Christ.

When the fuck did you become hot?

Wooyoung always found you cute at most. And fine, he thought you were pretty too that night he drove you home from your prom night. But that's where it all ended. He didn't think about you all too much in any other way given your history and barely saw you as it is.

Looking at you now...your hooded eyes that glittered around the corners. Flushed cheeks and heavy breaths that made his head spin. Disheveled long hair that fell down your back and that he wanted to tangle his fingers in (which he quickly did as soon as that thought appeared, no time like the present!). And those fucking tits covered with nothing but a sorry excuse for a shirt that clung to your torso.

Wow.

It really must be true when they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. 

Although there's little heart involved in this situation and a whole lot of thinking with his dick.

He pulls the thick strap of your top a little and watches at it smacks against your skin gently. You keep quiet, breaths still heavy as you watch him.

"This shirt is fucking ridiculous, Y/L/N."

No time left for talking, his fingers curl around your waist again as he bends down to place kisses against your chest. You both probably smell like smoke, sweat and booze but there's a soft layer of vanilla mixed into it the closer he gets to you and Wooyoung finds himself not minding the combination.

"I-It looks bad?"

It's the first words you've spoken since you stumbled into his apartment and Wooyoung has to pause, almost in disbelief. His first reaction is annoyance, not pegging you as the type of girl to fish for compliments by acting insecure even though she knows very well she looks delectable.

But then, the more he stares, the more he notices the way you twitch in his hold, shifting your gaze around his face in order to avoid his eyes, his annoyance disappears. You are insecure about the shirt. You are genuinely wondering whether or not it looks good on you.

And Wooyoung is nothing, if not ready to please at all times.

"I wanna drag it off of you with my teeth." He says the honest truth, hating the way his voice is low and husky. What the fuck is he doing. Why is he breathing so heavily?

The blush that overtakes you doesn't stop at your face but slowly curls around your neck and appears at the top of your chest. He hums, satisfied with the reaction he got before going back to business.

The business being your marvelous tits.

With his hand still curled around your waist as he lowers down so his forehead is basically resting on your bare chest, he groans once he thumbs over your left breast and feels a hard nipple under the material.

"Are you not wearing anything under this?" He murmurs against your skin, groaning again once he feels your fingers intertwine with his hair. Wooyoung doesn't wait for a response but roughly pulls one of the thick straps down your arm and places a hand over your naked breast feeling its weight in his hand.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He thumbs at your nipple, liking the soft moan that escapes you at the action as you continue to grind against his clothed thigh.

"Y-Yunjin said it didn't need a-a bra." You stutter out through a whisper and he places a soft kiss to the middle of your chest as if to soothe you before returning his attention to what's really important.

God bless Yunjin then. Wooyoung should remind himself to buy her that chicken sandwich she likes so much tomorrow morning.

His thumb rubs over the hard pink nipple one last time before its enveloped by his lips, tongue twirling around it and arm tightening around your waist as your breath hitches and you twitch even more in his hold.

When you let out a high pitched moan once his teeth gently graze the soft bud, Wooyoung thinks he'll send Yunjin a whole damn buffet to her dorm.

Wooyoung releases your nipple with a 'pop' that makes you groan lewdly and he scrambles to stand up to his full height to get the offending red shirt off your body.

"Off." He mutters and you quickly grab the ends of the shirt to pull it off, needing Wooyoung's help since it was genuinely so tight on your torso.

With your hair disheveled even more now and bare chest on full display, Wooyoung almost kneels down in front of you.

His dick ached.

"Oh my fucking God." He mutters, burying his face into your chest as he licked and kissed and sucked and...

"Bed." You whisper through a moan, tugging at his hair. You grit out almost bossily, "B-Bed!"

"Bed?" Wooyoung looks down on you in confirmation, body now completely pressed against yours and when he sees your wide, desperate but sure eyes, he quickly nods. "Bed."

His lips are back on yours again, hand grasping at your jaw as he pulls you from the wall and leads you further into his studio apartment. The bed was only a couple of feet away anyways.

You grunt against his lips as you trip over something and he pushes it away with his foot (it was a sneaker that fell out of place as he was getting ready in a hurry), continuing to lead the way to his bed.

"You take off your shirt too." You whisper, almost shyly which causes something warm to swirl in his stomach. He obeys quickly, dropping his shirt to your feet before pulling you in with a hand at the back of your neck, biting at your lower lip and letting out a small laugh as you gasp.

"Pants too." You add innocently and he huffs, growing amused at your bossy nature even in the bedroom.

So, of course, he'll be a little shit about it.

Wooyoung drops himself on the bed, thanking God he changed his sheets this morning, and obnoxiously spreads out his legs. He observes you with a tilted head and a grin on his face, "Why don't you take them off?"

-

You lick your lips at the request, feeling like it's awfully hot in the room despite the fact that you're not wearing a shirt. You without a shirt in front of Jung Wooyoung with your tits on full display was another thing that you weren't ready to unpack just yet.

He's beautiful.

Wooyoung's skin is a pretty color of fresh honey and you carefully step closer, between his legs, to place a hand on his firm chest and feel his velvety skin. He watches your every move with hooded eyes, holding himself up with his arms placed behind him on the bed.

There's a tattoo on the side of his ribs, one that you would never know about unless you see him like this, so you run a thumb over it in admiration. Still, you don't want to take too long at the risk of coming off as weird, so with all the bravery you can muster - your hand drops to the button of his jeans and you gently (because of your fucking knee) lower yourself down to sit between his legs.

You thumb it open and pull the zipper down, shivering at the way Wooyoung's lips part and he softly exhales in what seems to be anticipation. You further flush when you finally get to see the outline of his....well, his dick.

You felt it against your hip, when you were kissing by the entrance door but you didn't have the guts to ever look down.

When Wooyoung lifts his hips up to help you get his pants off, you realize you're about to see it now anyway.

Clearing your throat, you curl your fingers around the waistband of his jeans and underwear all at once and pull it down. If Wooyoung notices how clumsy you are with it, he decides not to comment at least.

And there it is. His dick. A dick, first of all. The first dick you've ever seen in your life that wasn't through the screen while watching a bad porn video.

You don't stop pulling on his pants until they're pooling at his ankles without breaking stare with his...penis. 

You don't really know what you expected if you're being honest. You never thought a dick would be pretty and...it's not exactly ugly either. Just, odd looking you suppose.

You can't tell if it's either big or small as you have nothing to compare it to. Maybe average? What is considered small? You're scared what a big dick looks like if this is a small one. Or even average one. It's kind of thick though which is worrying, you don't even notice the way your lips part as you imagine how exactly is this...thing supposed to fit anywhere inside of you.

There's neatly trimmed hair at the base of it and the tip is flushed, a thick vein running at the underside of it and two-

"Uh," It's like a sound of a scratched record as you freeze, "Your first time seeing a dick or something, Y/L/N?"

Your head slowly lifts from his lap and up to his face where a Jung Wooyoung awaits with raised brows.

It's only then that you realize you've been examining this guy's dick like he was at a doctor's appointment instead of trying to get him off.

You're at a little loss of words to be honest and for a split second you're worried that Jung Wooyoung will take your stutters of "I, uh" and "Um"'s and "Uh, hm"'s the wrong way and think you're impressed by him or something. You're not, once again, you have nothing to compare it to. You barely know what you're looking at right now.

His facial expressions go a little like this in the next twenty seconds: Cockiness (that quickly fades though), Confusion and last but not least Realization.

"Oh my God, it is?!" He laughs in disbelief before his eyes grow even wider and mouth continues to hang open. He quickly places a pillow laying on his bed over his lap, to shield his manhood from the big bad scary virgin apparently, "You're a virgin?!"

It feels like a punch to the gut and you flush a deep red, already scrambling up to your feet and shielding your bare chest. While you try to find that damned crop top, Wooyoung is still rambling in the background.

"There's no way! Wow, seriously you've never had sex before?! Never?! Wow, there's no way! Wait, why are you putting your shoes on-"

You refuse to turn towards him, pathetic tears of embarrassment already welled up in your eyes and bottom lip wobbling, "Uh, I'm gonna go."

"Wait, what? Why?" You hear shuffling behind you and you assume he's trying to get back into his jeans.

You quickly slide your second sneaker on and are flinging the door open, not looking back. "I have to go. I'm sorry, bye."

"Sorry? What are you- Will you just wait a fucking second for me to put my clothes back-" The door falls shut and you're stalking down the hallway of the apartment building, trying to get as far away from his door as you can.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

What were you thinking? Kissing Jung Wooyoung, going home with Jung Wooyoung, doing anything with Jung Wooyoung. What were you thinking?

You cry only a little when you get back to your dorm. Really, it's only a little, just a couple of flimsy tears. 

Then you scrub the makeup from your face and change into your pajamas. Yunjin still isn't back and you're angry at her too, for bringing you to that party in the first place. For leaving you with Jung Wooyoung as well.

You're angry and embarrassed. And on top of that, you're horny too.

Why did Jung Wooyoung have to be such a good kisser? Why did his hands have to feel so nice? Why was he so beautiful?

You huff, buried deep in your sheets and all ready to go to bed but sleep just isn't coming. You're too busy thinking about the guy you've sworn not to think about at all anymore.

It was going so well these last two years.

With another huff, you cover your face with your pillow and scream at the top of your lungs.

He tasted like lemonade.

[unmotivatedwrit3r]

Of Cold Weather and Holiday Shopping

jason todd x reader

(A/N): This is a fic for @citrinesparkles as a part of a batfam holiday fic exchange we did with @glorified-red,@quillsareswords , and @birdy-bat-writes!

Citi! Happy Holidays!! It’s me (again).

Not sure if you’re tired of my writing yet, but I had the best time writing this fic. Established relationship is so fun to write, and I did much more worldbuilding than I had any right to but I hope you love it!

wc: ~1200

warnings: reference to chronic pain (jason) and one kind-of curse word; so fluffy it will rot your teeth

~~

“Jay, they don’t have the brand of cinnamon we usually buy, will this one work?” 

Jason turns around from where he was reading through your shopping list. You both have come to the conclusion that putting a magnetic notepad on the fridge to spontaneously add things you need when you think of them works best. Two years into this method, you change the notepad by season. Jason usually remembers to grab it or take a photo as you walk out the door. The paper he’s holding today has evergreen trees dusted with snow around the border of it.  

You hold the spice out to him as he reaches for it, watching amused as he squints at the label for a couple seconds before he hands it back. 

“Yeah, should work.” 

“Phew,” you tease, tossing it in the cart, “it’s passed the Todd test.” 

Jason sticks his tongue out before grabbing a jar of cloves—this time of your usual brand. 

“I’ll have you you that if it’s the wrong kind, Alfred will know, and he’s finally letting me make the molasses cookies so-” 

“It has to be perfect. I know, hun, I was just teasing.” You take Jason’s hand in yours and pull it up to your cheek. “He let you do it because he trusts you. He’s going to love them.” You pause, eyes roaming his face. “And I’ve got you, so we’ve got this.” 

“Yeah we do.” 

Jason squeezes your hand then lets go to return to the cart. 

“We should grab another dozen eggs.” 

“I’ll get the orange juice and meet you there?” you ask, motioning towards the other end of the refrigerated section. Produce and snacks are already sitting in the cart: the weekly items on your shopping list. Jason nods. 

“If you grab another bag of tiny marshmallows, we can meet at the register.” 

“Ooh I forgot about those, yeah. Meet you there.” 

Jason’s standing right outside the self checkout when you get there, and you hold up a bag of doritos as you walk towards him. 

“I got distracted.” 

“I see that,” Jason responds, an amused smile on his face as you add the three things you’re holding to the cart. “You remembered the juice though, so it’s a step up from last time.” 

You spin around to face him, dramatic outrage on your face. “Says the guy who got so distracted by nice dark chocolate last time that we nearly forgot bread.”

Jason shrugs. “Peppermint dark chocolate, doritos. Not the same thing.” 

“Pfft,” you say as the two of you move to the self checkout machine, “says you.” 

After check out, you drop your bags off in your car and walk across the other parking lot. It’s much easier to park at the supermarket than fight crazy Gothamites holiday shopping in the big mall parking lot. 

You’ve shared an apartment in central Gotham for the past few years now, but neither of you have conceded to gloves during the winter months. Instead, you have one set of hands linked together, tucked in Jason’s pocket. You love his jacket; it’s warm and heavy and the pockets are lined. And it was a gift to him from Bruce the first Christmas you spent with Jason’s entire family. 

When you get inside, Jason pauses, his other hand coming to your shoulder as he flexes his right knee. You unlink the hand in his pocket and put your hand over his; to no surprise, it’s cold. 

“You alright, love?” Jason nods, straightening his knee out again with a heavy breath. 

“I should’ve taken your advice and worn the brace because damn I can feel it in the cold.” Jason takes his hand off your shoulder and twists it to hold yours again instead. 

“Did you want to stop for another one? There’s a sports store in here somewhere, they’d have one.” 

“Nah,” Jason says, tugging at your arm as he walks forward, “you’re all the support I need.” You snort out a laugh. 

“I forget sometimes how holiday shopping turns you into a sap. You’re cheesy, love, but you know I’m going to bug you about this for the rest of winter right?”

“Yeah I know.” There’s only warm fondness in his tone and Jason turns to give you a quick kiss. It’s just a couple seconds, but you can feel the still clinging winter chill defrosting nonetheless. 

There’s not much to buy at the mall—that’s your justification for going to the grocery store first. Well, that and the 27 degree temperature outside. You’re not too worried about the perishables, but you stop into Target to pick up something you’d ordered to the store (for Jason, so you shove it in your coat pocket as soon as it’s in your grasp) and head to an art store. 

The Wayne family Secret Santa is a holiday tradition, and you’d been a part of it for two years so far; this year is the third. Alfred is always good to make sure no one gets themselves or their partners. You all do generally get a gift for everyone every year, but because there are so many of them, those are small. The Secret Santa gifts are larger and everyone shares a wishlist to be consulted for that purpose. Only Bruce and Alfred don’t participate, though Bruce doesn’t mostly because he likes to buy gifts for his kids (and their partners, you found out) and Alfred because he runs it and also everyone gets him gifts. You love Alfred. You and Jason found a spice rack for him this year you’re hoping he’ll love. 

This year, your gift receiver is Damian, so you stop into the art store to pick up the package you’d ordered for him there. Jason, who is gifting to Steph this year, has his gift already. It’s in the pile of “to be wrapped” things sitting in your living room. 

You make a stop in a Bath and Bodyworks type store to grab a couple small things for Cass and Steph (joint spa day gift for two of them—your idea) and Barnes & Noble to grab a book for Duke before heading back out into the cold. You slide into the driver’s seat before Jason can and hold your hand out for the keys, eyebrows raised in a challenge. Jason, wisely, sits in the passenger seat, bags on his lap. 

You pull into the parking garage that caters to your apartment and grab the grocery bags from the trunk. Jason’s next to you when you close it, and he’s holding his hand out, the five bags from the mall in his other one. You laugh and grab his hand. 

“Hey, look,” he says, nudging you. You look up from where you were locking the car. The streetlights are wrapped in multi-colored lights, lit up in the 5 o'clock darkness. You lean your head so it hits against Jason. 

“Hey.” He turns to look at you. “I love you.” A smile spreads across Jason's face. 

“I love you too, babe.” 

You pull him away from the cold outside, heading towards your apartment. He’ll take tonight off patrol, you’d both decided a couple days ago. Tonight, it’s baking cookies and music in the background. 

And you’re finally wrapping that pile of presents in the living room. 

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart- Chapter 3

Pairing- Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 4,222

Warnings-Pregnancy talk (Will last a good chunk of the story) But it's not the reader. Some language. Jensen isn't the best boyfriend. If I missed something let me know!

A/N-A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

Your alarm starts blaring at 6:30 and you roll over and hit the snooze, you must have dozed back off because next thing you know it’s going off again ten minutes later.  Dragging yourself out of bed, you make your way to the bathroom.  Hopefully a shower will wake you up.  Once you are dressed, and have your hair and makeup done you head downstairs to the kitchen. 

Pouring a glass of orange juice, you grab a protein bar to stick in your bag for later.  You jump when you hear a voice behind you.

“You ready to head out?” your brother asks with a yawn.

“Geesh Jare, you scared the crap out of me.  What are you doing up? It’s barely  7.”

“Giving you a ride to the airport.  Doesn't make much sense having two cars there.”

“You don’t have…”

“I know I don’t have to.  I want to.”

You know he wants to talk about last weekend, Gen has done a good job of keeping him off that topic so far, but she is currently still in bed. It was going to be a long thirty minute drive.  “Okay, thanks.”

He grabs your suitcase after you finish your juice, you pick up your other bags and follow him out to his truck. After setting your stuff in the back, you hop in front with him.

“So how are things going?”

“Fine.  It will be nice to have a little free time for a few weeks now that the show wrapped.”

“That wasn’t really what I meant.”

“I know, but it’s what you’re getting.”

“Y/N, I just want to help.”

“I know you do.  But he is also your best friend.  I promised you my relationship with him wouldn’t change that before we started dating.  This weekend together, even if it’s for a convention, might be just what we need.   Let us deal with it, okay?”

He stares at you from the corner of his eye before agreeing. 

It’s quarter to eight when Jared is pulling up to the departure drop off area, and letting you out.

“Thanks Jare, enjoy the rest of your day, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No problem, have a safe flight.”

Once he’s gone you enter the building and find your way to check in.  Your suitcase just barely passes as a carry-on, but it will work.  Security is next, it takes a half an hour before you are clear of that.  You now have about twenty minutes to quickly get to your gate before your plane starts to board.  The airport is busier than you were expecting for this time of day, should have known better.

Grabbing a roll from a little cafe you pass, you arrive at the right gate just as they are opening it up to begin boarding.  When your section is called you head over to line, wait your turn and then make your way to your seat in first class.  It’s fairly empty and you have the row to yourself. After the plane takes off and you are allowed to turn on your laptop, you start a movie which helps the almost three hour flight go by quicker. 

Getting off the plane in Chicago, you follow the crowd toward the baggage claim area.  Looking around you see a familiar face from the convention team.  The driver, Mike, greets you with a smile and grabs your suitcase from you.  He’s picked you up from other conventions before and once out of the building you chat quietly.  The ride to the hotel is a quick one. You aren’t staying at the fan designated hotel, attached to the convention center, but the Hilton at the other end of the convention center.  

Mike takes you over to a side entrance at the convention hall, he checked before he came to get you, but your room isn't ready yet.  Taking your bags to the green room, you find a few of your friends back there.  Felicia runs over to give you a hug, and Bri and Kim follow.  You thank Mike for his help before turning all your attention to your girls.   It isn’t long before Felicia has to leave for photos and Bri, her meet and greet (M&G). Kim and you are both free for a little bit longer.  David and Adam come back from their VIP M&G. You listen to some of the on stage action, they are currently doing a Yes/No trivia game.   Jason makes an appearance before he goes on stage, and you head down for pictures with Kim.

When you arrive back at the green room, someone comes up to your handler, Chelsea.  She comes back over to you when the other person leaves.

“Your room is all set if you want to take your things over now before you have the VIP meet and greet, then your panel.”  She holds out two room keys for you.

“I’ll just take one, I’ll leave the other for Clif to give to Jensen tomorrow,” you tell her.  The two of you have been sharing a room on these weekends for awhile now. You’re usually busy when he flies in, this way he can go to the room without having to track you down.

“He called last week to make sure he had his own room,” Victoria, his handler, snottily tells you.

You don’t reply, just take both cards from Chelsea.  Victoria isn’t one of your favorite people of the weekend.  You didn't have a problem with her before you and Jensen started dating.  You are pretty sure she has a thing for him, and doesn’t like you because you’re with him.  Walking over to the skywalk, which will take you to your hotel, you don’t pay as much attention to her, as the fact Jensen asked for his own room.  The man isn’t even here yet, and things are starting off poorly for you.

With your things in the room and you freshened up, you make your way back to the convention center.  Chelsea, is waiting for you near the entrance.  She wants to give you space, but be there if you need her.  Back in the green room, you turn on your computer to take a look at upcoming flights.  Pulling up your calendar on your phone you check the dates you would be available to go up to Toronto to stay with your boyfriend.  You want to have it figured out before you bring it up to him.

Your VIP M&G, goes smoothly and you are due up on stage after.  The forty five minute panel goes by quickly.  There are a few questions about what you are doing now that SPN has finished, some about Jensen, others about your brother, and a few about things you enjoy.  When that ends you are back to the picture room.

That evening you go out with the gang for dinner.  After dinner it's a quick stop in the hotel room to change for Karaoke.  The alcohol is flowing before people head out for their turn on stage.  When it’s time for you all to go out on stage, Bri has already plied you, Kim and Felicia with three margaritas, three strong ones.  You are definitely able to let loose on stage tonight.  Adam is in a little better shape than the four of you and is running all over the place.  Gil is somewhere in the middle. 

When the show is over, the cast party backstage is a little slower to end.  With the persuasion of your handlers, you all make your way over to the hotel.  Hopefully, you won’t regret this too much in the morning. 

The ringing of your phone rudely wakes you up Saturday morning, “‘ello,” you groggily answer.

“Are you still in bed?” your brother asks in lue of a greeting.

“Yeah,” you groan, “why are you calling this early?”

“Don’t you have a panel at 10?”

“Yeah,” you don’t even try to hide the yawn from him.

“It’s quarter after 9.”

“Son of a…” Well that statement from him woke you up.  “I gotta get ready.”

“Guess that means you had a good night.  I’m at the airport, flights in an hour.  See you later.  Good luck, sis.”

“Thanks for the wake up call, bye Jare, have a safe flight.”

Hanging up from him, you dig through your bag for some tylenol before hopping in the shower.  Quickly going through your bathroom routine, you are out in the bedroom grabbing your clothes for the day.  At 9:40, Chelsea is knocking at your door.  Thankfully, she has your favorite Starbucks drink with her.

You wear your sunglasses through the brightly lit hotel and skywalk over to the convention center.  Backstage you grab a breakfast roll and collapse next to Bri on the couch.

“Are you in as gooda shape as I am?” the blonde asks quietly.

“Probably, if it wasn’t for Jared calling I might have slept through the panel.”

She snorts at that.

It isn’t long before the two of you along with Kim, Felicia and Ruth are being announced on stage.  Four of you might not be in the best of shape after last night, but you all have fun.  You all start to leave the stage an hour later as Matt, Rich and Rob come on.  

“Wait a minute,” Rich calls out.

“You aren’t getting away that easy little Padalecki,” Rob tells you.

Looking over at the curtain you see Adam and David coming out with a cake.  Your friends and the audience all start singing ‘Happy Birthday.’  You blow out the lone candle on top and thank them all.

“Happy early birthday, Y/N.  Now you can go,” Rich tells you.

“Thank you everyone!” You call out waving to the crowd and the guys on stage.

There is about forty minutes until the Ladies of SPN photo, so you are once again in the green room.  Someone from Creation comes over and cuts up the cake for everyone.  Felicia leaves for autos, but will see you in the photo room.  

“Any big birthday plans next weekend?” Kim wants to know.

“Not yet.  I might fly up to see Jay.”

Chelsea comes to walk you down to the photo room.  When the group photo is over, you hang out downstairs, because you're scheduled for a solo round in thirty minutes. Done with photos you follow Chelsea back to the green room to grab lunch.  Your brother is up there when you arrive.  He noisily makes his way over and gives you a tight hug.  You know he is being a little over the top because of your earlier hangover.

“Hello.”

“How’s my favorite sister doing?”

“You mean only sister?”

He just shrugs.

“Fine.  What’s on your schedule?”

“M&G at 3, VIP M&G at 3:45, then photos start at 4, I think we have a duo at 4:30, according to the list.”

“You’re probably right, I think my M&G is at 5.”

“Ackles here yet?” he asks, looking around.

“I haven’t seen him,” you answer.

“He’ll be here about 2:30, his photo ops start at 3.” Victoria calls out.  You just roll your eyes.

“I’m done for a bit, I’m going back to my room.  See you later, Jare,” you tell your brother before exiting.

Back in your room, you enjoy the quiet and take a chance to regroup before you have to go back down to the convention.  An hour long nap helps clear your head, you spend some time on the computer, before fixing yourself up for the next round of photo ops.  You always have fun when you’re paired with your brother.  Afterward, you quickly follow Chelsea to the M&G room you are in.  You see Jensen ahead of you, Victoria is leading him into the room next door.  When you walk out thirty minutes later Jensen steps out of his room right in front of you.

“Hey Sweetheart,” he engulfs you in a hug before giving you a quick kiss as you both fall into step down the hallway.

“Hi Jens,” you answer him.

He puts his arm around you pulling you to him.  “What do you have next?”

“I’m done until the concert. You?”

“We’re heading up to the green room, I have autos at 6.  Then I promised Karl we’ll find a good steak house.”  When he points behind him as he says the name you turn around.

“Hello,” you greet the man behind you in surprise.

Jensen stops, “Y/N this is Karl Urban, Karl this is Y/N Padalecki.”

“Nice to meet you.” You hold out your hand to shake his, still trying to hide your shock.

“Lovely to meet you pretty lady,” he returns.

“You’re nicer than your character.”

He just laughs at that.

“He wanted to come experience a Supernatural convention.  I thought I’d introduce him to the gang,” you boyfriend tells you as you all start walking again. 

“That’s nice.”

When you reach the green room, Jensen pulls you in with him.  Some of the other cast is already there. Bri hurries over and gives him a big hug, Felicia is next.  He introduces them to Karl, and David soon joins them in conversation. You are standing by yourself for a few minutes before you feel an arm go around your shoulder.  Looking up you see your brother watching you.

“Everything alright?” he carefully questions.

“Yeah, I’m going back to my room.  I’ll see you later.”

Quicky exiting the room you head for the skywalk to the hotel.  Great, he brought a friend.  So much for trying to see if you could have a chance to talk things out this weekend.  You didn’t really want an audience. Back in your room you are lost in thought laying on your bed when your cell rings.

“Hello,” you answer without looking at the ID.

“Hey, watcha doing?” Bri asks on the other end.

“Laying on my bed.”

“Kim, Ruth, Rich, Rob, Matt and I are going to grab dinner.  Do you want to join us?”

You check your watch, somehow  it’s after 7, “I’ll wait, I think I’m going to join Jared and Jens.”

“They left a few minutes ago,” she tells you.

“Oh, I’m good then.  You all have fun, I’ll see you at the concert.”

Hanging up with your friend, you notice a text from your brother. ‘We’re going out to dinner, do you want to come join?’   Apparently you never heard it come in, and they didn’t wait. At least your brother asked, unlike Jensen.

You aren’t really feeling up to eating now.  You leave your room and walk around the hotel, finding your way to the pool where you sit beside it with your feet in the water.  There’s no one else around right now.  Maybe you should have just stayed in the green room, you wouldn’t have been left behind that way.  Or maybe your company wasn’t really wanted tonight.  Jensen didn’t try, and Jared didn’t try very hard. 

You lose track of how long you sit there, until your phone dings.  It’s a text from Kim telling you they are on their way back to get ready for the concert.  With a sigh you pull yourself up and go back to the room to get yourself ready.

Over in the green room you find the members of Louden Swain, going over last minute notes, Rob looks up and sees you.

“Glad to see you Y/N, I was afraid you weren’t going to come back either.”

“Who isn’t coming?”

“Your brother and boyfriend.”

“Oh.  I didn’t know that.  Sorry.”

“It’s fine, personally, we’d rather have you.”

“Thanks, but we all know that’s not true of the fans.”

The concert is always a good time, you enjoy listening to Rob’s band and you have fun with your former castmates on stage.  It’s after 11 when everything winds down and you make your way back to the room.  You consider texting Jared or Jensen, goodnight, but no one has reached back out to you, so why bother?

The next morning, you manage to sleep in until a little after 9. You pack up your luggage after getting yourself ready and take everything with you when you leave.  You turn in your room key before making your way over to the green room, you run into Chelsea on your way.  She hands you a coffee and walks with you.  

Jensen and Jared are in the room just about to go on stage, they notice you walk in just as their names are called.  With a wave they run out.  Karl, is sitting on one of the couches and you wave as you set your stuff down in the corner.

“Morning. I’m going to go watch with Clif from the side, if you’d like to join,” you invite him along.

“Ah, why not.” Getting up he follows you back out.  

The two overgrown children have fun on stage, you and Karl laugh right along with the crowd. Those two are right back into their usual banter.  

Karl looks back at you and asks, “are they always like this?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

He just shakes his head.  The gold panel is over before you know it.  Leading Karl back out, you head to the green room.  Victoria is trying to usher Jensen right back out of the room.  Looking around he sees the two of you walk in.

“Hey, I’ve got a good hour and a half of photo ops, then a short break before more.  Do you want to come down or stay here,” he asks Karl.

“I’m good here, mate.”

“I don’t have to go down yet, I’d like to hear some more stories from the set with Ackles out of the way,” Jared says.

Jensen leaves shaking his head.  You sit down near the guys.  It’s mostly the two of them talking before Jared has to go join Jensen.  It leaves just you and Karl in the room.

“So you and Jay have gotten to know each other pretty well huh?” you ask.

“Yeah, he’s a good guy.  We try and golf any chance we get, Chase joins when he can.”

“What’s your filming schedule like?”

“A little crazy.  You might film 3, 4 days in a row, then off for 4.  There are some fight choreography days thrown in there too.  Just depends on whose needed for what scenes.”

“Are there busy weeks coming up?”

“Don’t think it’s anything too bad.” He watches you for a moment, “you look like you’re thinkin hard over there.”

“Things have been crazy the last few months.  Jay and I have been apart for most of it, I just thought before I started filming Walker, I would come up for a week or so.”

“You are the girlfriend then.  I thought so, with the way Jensen greeted you yesterday.  Wasn’t a hundred percent everyone seems really close here.”

“Guess he doesn’t talk about me much.”

“He doesn’t share much of his personal life.  There is the career talk, and everyday crap.  He keeps the personal stuff close.  He does mention his girl from time to time.  I’ve learned more about him here the last day than the last month on set.”

You aren’t sure that does much to reassure you. 

Jensen is walking back in before you can reply, with Jared right behind him.  

“Back so soon boys?” Karl asks.

“Short break before we need to go back down,” Jensen answers as he walks over to grab some food that has just been set out.

 Both men join you with plates of food, and Karl gets up to get himself something.  Jensen sits down next to you and looks up at you after taking a bite.

“Haven’t seen you much this weekend.”

“You’ve been busy, plus that happens when someone requests their own room.”

“Yeah that surprised me, why did you do that?.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask him confused.

“I was surprised when I arrived to find we weren’t sharing a room,” he tells you.

“So was I, when I tried to leave the second card for Clif, and was told by Victoria you called and requested your own room this trip.”

“I called and added a room for Karl, I didn’t expect to be sharing it with him.”

“You could have said something yesterday, or asked Clif to grab the other key from me or Chelsea.”

“I figured you wanted space, you weren’t exactly social yesterday,”

“I was thinking the same thing about you.”

“I was around yesterday.”

“You could have called and asked me to join you guys for dinner, or given me a few minutes to answer, but you all just left.  Really made me feel that you wanted me there.  Plus I was under the impression you wanted space with your own room.”

Neither of you notice Jared and Karl quietly moving to seats further away.

“But I didn’t want my own room!  Why didn’t you stay down here and wait?”

“Jensen, Jared, we need you both back for photo ops,” Jared’s handler calls out.

“I don’t want to fight with you, let’s just enjoy the rest of the time we have today,” you say before he gets up.

Jared walks over to you before leaving.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just some misunderstanding.”

“I think that’s all that is really going on.  You two are perfect for each other.  He’s nuts about you.”

“Hopefully.  Smile pretty Jare.”

You are once again left with Karl, things are quieter this time around.  Chelsea comes to get you for your second round of photos with Jared, then a few with Jensen, the boys afternoon panel takes place right after.  They have auction items to sign, and some things to take care of for the convention before they go back out for their last autograph session.   

It’s almost six when Jensen finally finishes for the day.  You and Karl walked around the vendors area, and the ballroom where they are signing before going back to the green room.  Jensen and his bodyguard Matt, come back in the side door.

“I’ll be ready to go in just a minute, Karl,” Jensen announces walking in.

“Are you guys leaving already?” you ask.

“Yeah, we’ve got a 7:20 flight back.  You know how busy O’Hare can get. We don't want to wait too late,” your boyfriend tells you.

“Oh.”  You follow him over to where he is checking everything in his bag.  “With the Netflix show wrapped, I was thinking maybe I could come up and spend some time with you before filming on Walker starts.”

“I’m not sure how much free time I’ll have.”

“A little time is better than what we’ve had lately.”

“I’ll be back in Texas for a bit in a little over a month.” 

“For a bit?  What does that mean?  How about I come up to Toronto next weekend?”

“I won’t be there, I’ll be back in Texas.”

“Really?” you ask, trying to contain your excitement.  “Big plans?”

“Kind of.  We really need to go, I’ll talk to you later babe.”  He kisses you quickly before following Karl out of the room.

Knowing he was going to be home next weekend definitely puts you in a better mood.  You wonder what he is planning that he didn’t want to tell you about.

It isn’t long before Jared and Clif appear back in the green room.

“All done?” you question, looking up from your computer.

“Yep, all set.  Our flight isn’t until 10.  Clif and I were talking about going downtown and grabbing dinner to kill a few hours.  What do you say?”

“Drop me off at the Disney store and I will work my way down the Magnificent Mile while you eat,” you counter.

“I don’t know about letting you go off by yourself.”

“I’ll be thirty one next weekend, dad.  I promise I’ll check both ways before I cross the street.  I’ll be fine.  Isn’t the steakhouse you like, just down the road from it?”

While the two of you are talking, Clif is on his phone and he turns it to you.

“Sorry kiddo, looks like it closed last fall,” he tells you.

“NO!!” you shout louder than you meant to as Ruth and Rob walk in.

“Everything okay dearie?” Ruth asks in concern.

“She just found out the Disney store here is closed.”

“Ah, bummer,” Rob says before heading to his bag.  

“So dinner then?  I’ll walk around a few shops with you after,” your brother compromises.  “Do you two want to join us?”

“Thanks for the offer, but our flight is at 8, we’re going to head over to the airport.”

After saying your goodbyes, your trio heads down to the car with the rest of the luggage that didn’t get loaded earlier.  True to his word, Jared follows you into a few stores after dinner before you need to get to the airport.

It was a late enough flight that you managed to fall asleep shortly after takeoff.  After you land in Austin, Clif drops you both off at Jared’s before heading home.  Feeling better about your relationship with Jensen coming home for the upcoming weekend you easily fall back to sleep.

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 4

SPN Forevers

SPNForevers- @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons  @emoryhemsworth  @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002 @writercole​ @440mxs-wife   @nervousfandom @lunarmoon8 @thoughts-and-funnies @downanddirtydean @katelyn--renee​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @lyarr24​ @pineapleavocado​ @siospins2​ ​ @ariesbabe1993​  @graciebear73  @stixnstripesworld​ @spnbaby-67​  @treat-winchesterswith-kindness​ @charmed-asylum​ @winchestergirl2​ @hobby27​  @amyzombie1013​  @sexyvixen7​ @leigh70 @krazykelly @nancymcl @candy-coated-misery0731 @kmc1989 @supraveng

WIAFA Masterlist

@woodworthti666 @spnfamily-j2 @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @kaz11283 @deans-baby-momma  @let-me-luv-you @senjoritanana @itzabbyxx @djs8891

[the-silver-chronicles]

OC Game and Music Monday

Tagged by @josephseedismyfather for this OC game and will be doing my FC5 Deputy OC Silva Omar. Tagged by no one for the Music Monday one.

Rules for OC Game: Bold what is true and tag 15 people.

OC Game below:

APPEARANCE

i'm over 5'5' // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear makeup // i don't often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball bats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault (sometimes)// i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand (no she fucking can't)

RELATIONSHIP

i have been in a relationship // i have been single for over a year (a lot longer than that for Silva) // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETICS

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bon fire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed (she has one she sometimes brings out and uses) // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs 🐶 (Technically only one when she gets Boomer)

And here's a song to describe the relationship of Silva and her (disowned) adoptive padre, Paul Yellowjack:

"Tryna wash away all the blood I've spilled This lust is a burden that we both share Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer Souls tied, intertwined by pride and guilt

There's darkness in the distance From the way that I've been livin' But I know I can't resist it

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time You and I drink the poison from the same vine Oh I love it and I hate it at the same time Hidin' all our sins from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Tellin' myself it's the last time Can you spare any mercy that you might find If I'm down on my knees again? Deep down, way down, Lord, I try Try to follow your light, but it's nighttime Please don't leave me in the end

There's darkness in the distance I'm beggin' for forgiveness (ooh) But I know I might resist it, oh!"

Tagging: @socially-awkward-skeleton @adelaidedrubman @shallow-gravy @poisonedtruth @voidika @chazz-anova @cassietrn @direwombat @josephslittledeputy @inafieldofdaisies @wrathfulrook @vampireninjabunnies-blog @g0dspeeed @strangefable and @henbased + anyone else who wishes to join in on the fun.

[coffee-at-annies]

Oh! For the mash-up trope ask- 53 and 70 for The Core?

53+70: Mutual Pining+Locked in a Room 

Yes yes yes! Good. Excellent. Love it.

Gonna do a quick scaffold then see how excited the muse gets for actual writing.

So the boys are locked in a room. It’s big enough for the three of them but it’s definitely like a walk in closet or a trainers office. This is during training camp. One of the rookies/new guys thought it would be funny. None of the core are laughing.

Sid keeps banging on the door hoping someone will hear him. Kris has already tried texting for help but he’s got no cell service and something is wrong with his phone’s WiFi. Geno, is glaring at the wall in a corner. Eventually someone is gonna have to walk by and realize they’re in there. Or it’ll hit skate time, video review, or some other meeting, and people will notice they’re missing. The person will have to tell someone and he’ll have to let them out. They won’t be locked in here forever.

In the meantime, they’re locked in a room. Kris is annoyed because they should have locked Sid and Geno in a room together years ago (trust him, he and Flower discussed it) so they’d get over their pining, but why’d it have to include him? Kris is under the impression Sid and Geno got together after the 16-17 cups. They did. It didn’t work out.

Sid and Geno dated briefly during the 17-18 season, broke up sometime fall of 18, and have been on-again-off-again sometimes partners sometimes fuckbuddies ever since. They can’t stay away from each other but every time they give the relationship a shot it fizzles after a couple months. They’ve never lasted over a summer and it’s hard. They were in an off period during Geno’s contract negotiations which added a lot of stress. They do love each other and miss each other when they’re not together, hence the mutual pining on their end, but they haven’t figured out how to make it work in a way that sticks.

It’s been a longer than usual off season and they both missed each other terribly. Neither of them wants to suggest getting back together just yet because I do think it ended badly in the spring but the summer apart soothed their hurts and stirred up the pining so they’re back to missing each other. Both of them are trying very hard not to think about how that conversation is on the horizon, especially since they’re locked in a room with their close friend who they’ve never officially told they’re dating.

Fun fact about these two, they’re also both interested in Kris, which Kris doesn’t know. Idk if Sid and Geno have talked to each about their mutual attraction to Kris but it’s there, and it makes the feelings conversation harder.

Kris now, he kinda fell in love with both of them at different points in the last couple years. Between Flower and Duper leaving, stepping up into the alternate captain role, everything about the pandemic and the stuff after, he just ended up spending a lot of time with them organically and feelings started blossoming on his end. He’s not gonna act on it with his two friends that are together.

The time they spent is why he thinks they’re together. They never explained the breakups or makeups or any of the complicated relationship drama. They’ve never even told him they were together, Tanger just knows them well enough to pick up on it and what they stopped hiding.

Having said all of that I have no idea how this fic actually resolves. It’s been a hot minute since my brain wanted to juggle dialogue and I really should stretch myself to write it but it’s midnight and it’s a school night. I have to be up at 8am to go into work.

Sid bangs on the door. Geno snipes at him about it. Sid turns around to yell at him cause calling for help isn’t working. I think they go back and forth for a while and then Tanger makes a joke about getting a room or seven minutes in heaven in an attempt to diffuse the tension and accidentally gets both of them staring at him. They admit they’re not together. Tanger doesn’t know how to react to that. I’m not sure how the convo gets to the feelings admission. Maybe Tanger asks what happened and they have to explain?

I think during the convo Sid admits that even when they’re off he’s not seeing or sleeping with anyone. The one time he tried to hookup he just ended up missing Geno. Geno probably echos the same. It’s cute. Maybe the couple is back together. Maybe they even kiss. Idk.

I’m unclear how we get to Tanger confessing. Does he mumble something about wishing he could have been that rebound hookup that didn’t go anywhere? Does he say something about how he thought they were together so he never said anything? Does Sid try and echo his joke about getting a room and Tanger admits that he doesn’t hate it since it’s them. Idk. Somewhere in there Tanger admits his feelings, maybe before getting Sid and Geno back together, maybe after.

Either way both Sid and Geno are like wait you like me/us? Tanger wants them to forget it but when has Sid ever forgotten a thing once he’s set his eyes on it? When has Geno taken his eyes off the puck? Anyway I think they lock eyes and decide they’re seducing him, which they do. There’s maybe love/feelings confessions in there but there’s also a bunch of kissing and maybe some blow jobs so Kris can see how much they care for him as well. It’s a good moment. Geno suggests that maybe the reason him and Sid never worked out is because they didn’t have Kris. It’s the three of them on the ice, maybe they need the three of them off the ice to work too. Sid likes that very much and Kris just had an orgasm so he’s feeling pretty agreeable.

It’s still not until an hour after that that they get let out of the room. They have time to negotiate and plan their relationship. Also cuddles (geno gets cuddly after orgasms, not that he’d admit it).

[ridley-was-a-cat]

Winter 2023 Anime Roundup

Anime of the Season – Tsurune S2

I hadn’t watched season one, so I did not plan to watch this show this season, but all the gorgeous screenshots and gifs on Tumblr got to me, and I watched the entire series during the last week of the season. Hilarious, honestly, that the show I wasn’t even going to pick up ended up being my favorite of the season.

As good as the first season was, this was an upgrade on pretty much every front. All of the intersecting relationships between the characters at different schools made for more interesting and more grounded drama than the previous season. The art and animation both absolutely sparkled, and the sound design made you feel like you were watching in person. In particular, the spat between the two cousins/best friends on the team made for one of my favorite episodes this season. Something about how realistic their disagreement was, pushing each others’ buttons like only lifelong friends can do, and the way they resolved it by tiring themselves out in a tense archery duel that ended with a fit of the giggles, just thoroughly charmed me. I adored all of these characters, and I hope we’ll see more from the franchise. 9/10

First Runner-Up – Tomo-chan Is a Girl!

I had my doubts about this early in the series, with all the boob jokes and efforts to make Tomo girlier, but they were all gone by the end. It was just a solid romcom about a loveable group of lunatics that actively affirmed that Tomo was perfect the way she was. 8/10

Second Runner-Up – Buddy Daddies

The hitman content was not as good as the stuff about two single men in their twenties suddenly grappling with the minutia of parenting a five-year-old girl, but I was entertained week after week, and thought they did a good job sticking the landing. 8/10

IDOLiSH7 Third BEAT! Part 2 – Idol shows have a reputation for being harmless vehicles for hot guys/girls, but wherever that idea came from, it absolutely does not apply to this show, which repeatedly punched me in the gut and made me feel. Ryu is a top-ten hateable villain, for sure. 8/10

Play It Cool, Guys – I believe this was pretty popular in Japan, as it’s also getting a live-action drama, so I hope that means we can look forward to more relaxing, lightly amusing shows about cute guys doing cute things in the future. I just really enjoyed watching a handful of fairly normal dudes bumble around. 8/10

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro S2 – As much as this series is a comedy first and foremost, I just really love the relationship between Nagatoro and Senpai. Their dynamic is so playful, and they have great chemistry along with a genuine friendship. 8/10

The Vampire Dies in No Time S2 – Season 1 was a little uneven with the jokes, but this season was consistently funny, episode after episode. The character interactions hit better once you’re more acquainted with everyone, and the silly situations were just better this time around. 8/10

In/Spectre S2 – The end of season one dragged quite a bit with the Steel Lady Nanase arc, but this series was made up entirely of shorter, three-episode arcs that made the best use of the medium and the characters. Kotoko is the tiny, thirsty queen we need in these troubled times. 7/10

“Ippon” Again! – For years now, I’ve been wanting a serious girls sports anime that wasn’t an anodyne cute girls doing cute things show, and this pretty much gave me what I was looking for. The judo matches had a nice level of tension and excitement to them, and the girls were free to get intense, work hard, and not look particularly pretty while doing it. 7/10

Sugar Apple Fairy Tale – This sat at the top of the chart for me this season, until the final episode had me ready to take my earrings out and square up. The infuriating story decision isn’t necessarily irredeemable, so I will watch part two this summer to see what they do, but my expectations are low. 7/10

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague – This was more of a vibe than it was a story, but I enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere of a bunch of yokai who are otherwise bog-basic office workers interacting with their human coworkers. 7/10

Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun S3 – My love for Iruma and all his friends knows no bounds, and I’m really hoping for a season four, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say the harvest festival arc felt really padded and dragged out in this season. 7/10

My Hero Academia S6 – This season had some pretty epic fights and story developments, including a resolution of sorts for Todoroki’s family situation and a boiling point for Deku’s self-destructive selflessness, but it was a little uncomfortable to watch the angry citizens portrayed as ingrates. It had a whiff of “Blue Lives Matter” to it. 7/10

Malevolent Spirits: Mononogatari – In many ways, this is just a basic off-brand action shounen with a blunt main character taking his anger out on everyone he fights on a quest for revenge, but I think the female lead and her retinue of tsukumogami adds enough novelty to keep things interesting. I look forward to watching part two. 7/10

Endo and Kobayashi Live! The Latest on Tsundere Villainess Lieselotte – I enjoyed the unusual approach to otome isekai in this, where two players in the real world became connected to the characters inside the game, who heard their voices as though the gods were speaking to them. It was nice to get a full adaptation of the source with multiple ships setting sail, but it started stronger than it finished. 7/10

Handyman Saitou in Another World – With the exception of two poorly paced episodes in the middle of the season that centered on a hideously animated monster in a group battle in the dungeon, this was a highly entertaining and refreshing take on isekai, with a cast of loveable characters. 7/10

Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? IV Part 2 – If you stripped out all of the titty harem business, or just focused on building a genuine romantic connection with Ryu, this would shoot to the top of my favorite action/adventures. All of the dungeon exploration and fighting is just fantastic, with high stakes that get your blood pumping. 7/10

UniteUp! – It was feast or famine with this show. The first episode was straight up the best premiere I watched, and there were several excellent episodes where characters struggled with their families or with adjusting to working as an idol, but there were multiple production delays, some of the voice acting was fairly wooden, and there were several episodes that were merely okay. I wanted more Kacchan content! 7/10

Revenger – I can’t really argue with the people pegging this as an edgy revenge story, but I thought the main character had an interesting internal conflict, the fights were creative, and the guys were all easy on the eyes. 7/10

Kaina of the Great Snow Sea – The 3D CG animation wasn’t fantastic, and the second half that focused on a war between two remaining kingdoms was a little blah, but the setting was imaginative, the backgrounds were gorgeous, and the two leads had great chemistry. 7/10

The Fire Hunter – On the one hand, I really love the world building and all the intersecting plots going on in this post-apocalyptic fantasy. On the other hand, a number of questionable artistic choices mingle with straight up sloppy work to make the visual presentation an extremely mixed bag. 7/10

By the Grace of the Gods S2 – This is one of those shows that I can’t quite bring myself to call “good”, because the animation and art are just meh and the story is barely a story, but the vibe is so chill and the characters are so nice that watching it every week felt healing. 6/10

Giant Beasts of Ars – This is one of those fantasy shows that entertained me while I was was watching it, but I will likely never think about again. It had some creative world building, I enjoyed the adventuring party that formed around the main characters, and the voice acting was solid. 6/10

Ningen Fushin: Adventurers Who Don’t Believe in Humanity Will Save the World – If they didn’t decide to tie one of the main characters’ backstories to a false accusation of sexual abuse by a spiteful child, I would have enjoyed this fantasy adventure series about a party united by their histories of being betrayed by those they trusted a lot more. 6/10

Trigun Stampede – Having enjoyed the original anime and everything else this studio has done, I expected to enjoy this. While I didn’t hate it, something about the story and characters just didn’t click with me, and I didn’t like how they animated the characters’ faces when they were talking. 6/10

Saving 80,000 Gold in Another World for My Retirement – I am sort of in awe of the author’s sheer audacity in taking the colonialist power fantasy subtext of modern isekai and making it bright, glowing, neon text. Not a good show, but an entertaining one. 6/10

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady – I really wanted to love this one, but I thought the writing was a bit of a mess with inconsistent characterization, elements introduced then quickly forgotten about, and a underdeveloped romance that felt unearned. 6/10

[assembledpress]

I binged Heartstopper and now I can't stop crying 🍂

After a recommendation from a friend, I started Heartstopper. When I started the first episode, I expected to discover a fun binge-watch with cute characters. What I didn’t expect was a series that would consume my entire weekend and lead to an emotional breakdown on a Saturday evening. 

For those unaware, Heartstopper tells the love story between Nick and Charlie, two teenage boys who are learning to navigate school, friendships, and love. While the first season of the show came out last spring, I was too distracted by Bridgerton’s second season. As a former teenager myself, I have long been a fan of teen dramas of all different varieties; from The Vampire Diaries to High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (HSMTMTS) to Never Have I Ever to The Summer I Turned Pretty to Euphoria. I love the music montages, the fashion, and often, the drama. However, after season three of HSMTMTS, I found myself a bit disillusioned, as the show felt in many ways to be throwing random storylines to the wall to see what might stick. It ended up leaving a bit of a bad taste in my mouth for the entire genre.

But then, my trusted friend’s recommendation of Heartstopper led me to sit for nearly eight hours straight in my papasan chair wondering how I functioned for so long not having this show, its characters, and its storylines in my life. You may be thinking “So you found a show you really liked that is quite popular right now and had a proper binge of it. So what?”. 

For context, I’m a woman nearly two years post-grad who recently married her high school sweetheart, and therefore, I find myself at a point in life where I greatly miss my college friends and am super sensitive to any trope or story about first love or high school romance. What do you mean Peter Parker doesn’t stay with Gwen Stacey forever? In my head, she survives that fall and no one ever mentions MJ. Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez? Definitely happily married living in the suburbs with their athletic singing kiddos. Despite that hopeful romantic side of me, I’ve been informed throughout most of my life by almost all media and a variety of different statistics that first love doesn’t last. During the first several years of my relationship, I felt like people around me were waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering how long we’d last before breaking up. Needless to say, I approached Heartstopper with a pocketful of caution and an expectation for the show to be just like any other melodramatic teen soap I’d seen before. 

Boy was I wrong. Heartstopper approaches its main relationship with the utmost respect for how genuine those teenage butterflies are. It builds slowly, allowing time to focus on the sparks felt when your finger touches your crush’s at lunch, or when you brush shoulders in the hallway. It never takes the cheap way out, never having a character reconnect with a toxic ex, or forcing a drawn-out love triangle. Instead, the show opts to dissect the wholesome nature of a crush turning into an early relationship and eventually, through commitment and care, evolving into a deep love.

Almost as importantly though, Heartstopper emphasizes the love not just in Nick and Charlie’s romantic relationship, but within their friend group. Charlie and Tao’s deep friendship spans years and has equally as deep ups and downs, and the two friends, despite never having any romantic connection, talk about their feelings openly, never being afraid to say “I love you” to one another. 

And thus, my emotional breakdown. I realized through the show’s supportive and loving friend group how much I missed the people who know me best. I found myself reminiscing over the early days of my relationship rather than being present over dinner with the same person. Piled on with the nostalgia and butterflies, I found myself crying with the littlest of provocation, and just feeling in a funk. 

It wasn’t until I finished my first re-watch of the show that I properly processed that it was okay if the show deeply impacted me, and I didn’t need to feel guilty for feeling all those emotions. Despite there being a near-infinite amount of quality content available at my fingertips, this show spoke to my heart, which is an undeniably special thing. Further, Heartstopper is the first show in a while that has prompted me to want to create - to create videos, sketches, paintings, short-form content, playlists, and this written piece. 

To be fair, maybe I’m biased toward the show because my compulsive nature led me to read all the graphic novels and research everything I could about the cast and creator to learn that *spoiler* Nick and Charlie canonically stay together forever. It feels comfortable and safe and representative to me to see a relationship start with a first glance in a classroom and end with 'til death do us part. Regardless, I feel that the show exists to honor how pure first love is, and how much that can impact and shape a person for the rest of their life. Whether it lasts decades or only a few months, first love has a way of irrevocably changing you. It’s something I’ve experienced firsthand and something Heartstopper reminded me of - for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Our Love Died

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Dumped into a strange yet familiar world, Viktor falls back into some old habits- including losing contact with his siblings. Eventually, some years pass and they start finding him again. At that point he's not quite sure he wants them to, though. Warnings: Domestic abuse, abusive relationships, trans male pregnancy, childbirth, depression/anxiety, and transphobia Word Count: TBD (Chapter 1: 3,535) Chapter(s): TBD Ship(s): Viktor Hargreeves/Five Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: (fic notes) So I actually created an entirely different story and character off of labour and King by their respective artists and then I realized that it would fit really well into this kind of a fic as well. I decided I was just going to write it so I had another nice chaptered fic for TUA before the last season comes out. I'm going to leave a little disclaimer here: I have never been pregnant and I am not a trans man (I'm genderfluid, so still trans) so some things may not be entirely accurate. I'm also writing and uploading this at the same time so there might be some awkward plot holes or something throughout. I'm going to try my best to prevent that but please honor me with some grace if I don't manage it! I hope that you all enjoy this, I know I'm loving writing it so far. Make sure that you heed the tags, though, things do get pretty dark. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <;3 (chapter notes) Here's chapter one! This is basically a complete rewrite of the last scene of the last episode of season 3. I tried to write every bit of dialogue directly from the show, so if things sound a little awkward it was probably a typo I didn't correct because I didn't want to go rewatch that scene again. Rewriting directly from a script is exhausting, after all, lol. I hope that you guys are enticed by this first chapter but if you're not, try sticking around to the second when the plot is gonna actually get started! Things are moving pretty slow for now but they'll pick up soon. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

The first thing that Viktor saw when the elevator doors opened was a garden.

He hadn’t been in a lot of gardens when he was younger because it wasn’t something that Reginald put a lot of his time and energy into and then he had never sought them out as an adult around the monotony of his everyday life. He had to admit that it was an improvement to the accommodations that they had been staying in for the past week while they tried to sort out the third end-of-the-world.

It was dark, just as he thought it would have been when he was traveling in the hazy, half-asleep state during the ride up the elevator. The dimness wasn’t caused by the dark colored walls and lack of windows, however, but rather because at some point the sky had turned into night. The moon was hanging high in the sky, glinting pale silver-blue light down onto the earth with the help of the blinking stars. The sky was clear and bright, devoid of the heavy rain clouds that so often plagued The City. The color of the light reminded Viktor of the heavy power that slept inside of him, waiting to come forth and create another apocalypse like it had three lifetimes ago.

He tilted his head down so that he could take in what the garden actually looked like while his legs slowly carried him out of the elevator and into the cool night air. There was a gray cement path that led to a bust and plaque in the center of the main part of the garden. From it were several more paths, though it was hard to see where exactly they went because of the trees and shrubs that were obscuring the already dark view. He could just barely make out the vibrant green of the grass clashing with the darker shade of the neatly trimmed bushes along the paths. He thought that it was strange that there were no flowers, all of the books that Viktor had ever read as a child that contained gardens had them described as overflowing with different colors of petals.

Next to him, Lila giggled, “Cool.” It made sense that she would be able to process the weirdness that they had all just endured better than all of them. Viktor was probably handling it with the least amount of grace since he had never been a hero when the Umbrella Academy was active and thus hadn’t seen any of the weird powers or abilities that the villains the others fought possessed. The closest that he had gotten was just seeing his siblings train and listening to their exploits through the radio that Grace kept on when missions were underway. Lila, conversely, had grown up surrounded by time traveling assassins and flipped through many different periods in time with her mother. This was just another thing to add to her list of adventures instead of something that was emotionally shattering as it was to Viktor.

The sound of a police siren wailing in the distance was comforting and terrifying at the same time. The images of the police towering around the car that he had been trying to get his girlfriend and her son to safety in flashed through his mind, quickly followed by his nerves fraying just a little bit more at the memory of his electro-shock torture session. He flexed his hands at his side to try and get rid of the anxiety, something close to what he had used to do. His violin was nowhere in sight now, though, so it meant that he couldn’t pick it up and use that to get rid of the adrenaline-summoned energy.

All of those thoughts were pushed from his mind as soon as he turned properly and saw the towering figure of his brother. He short-circuited for a moment as the only thing that he could really process was the overwhelming joy about seeing the man he thought he had lost, just as he had lost Ben. Viktor was so used to mourning, to grief, that the joy surging through his body was foreign and addictive. 

“Luther?” he asked, breathless and awed. Viktor was barely even aware that his legs were moving as he made his way closer to the other. He was moving a little sluggishly, as if he was scared that if he made even a single wrong move then his brother would disappear again forever, just as he had done when Klaus summoned him during their fight. “Luther?” he asked again, which got the blond’s attention.

“Oh, shit,” Luther swore as a smile blossomed over his face. “You can see me?” he asked, pointing towards some of the others.

“Yes! Yes!” Viktor almost screamed as he threw his arms around his brother’s neck and shoulders to trap him there in a hug. 

“I’m alive?” Luther asked, his body almost vibrating with the shock of his realization.

Viktor and Luther had shared two hugs in their entire lives. They had never been terribly close as children since Reginald kept Viktor as far away from him as possible, both physically and mentally, while Luther had basically been on his coattails all the way up until the last year of his life. 

The first hug that they had ever shared was one of Viktor’s least favorite memories. He had been under the impression that he had just killed his sister with no reassurance from his then-boyfriend. It had felt so wonderful to be wrapped up in the arms of someone he had known and loved without anything in return. Then he had felt the air slowly being forced from his lungs, his body compressing in on itself while black spots danced in his vision. Then he had woken up in the soundproof room where the only thing he had for company was his own quickening heartbeat, watching as his siblings all abandoned him one by one again.

The second hug that the duo had shared was the one that they were having now. Luther’s arms stretched all the way around Viktor and he was so tall that he had to bend over at the waist to be able to loop around Viktor’s chest. He could tell that the other was holding back his strength significantly because this time it felt nothing like it had before. Luther was hugging him and holding him tightly enough that he could know for certain that the taller was there, but there was no pain, even as he got lifted into the air.

“Luther’s alive!” Klaus crowed in the background.

“Oh my God,” Lila breathed. It was odd how quickly she had been assimilated into the family and how deeply she cared for them all already, but they were the Hargreeves. Nothing about their family had ever been normal and nothing about it ever would, not that they would want it any other way.

“And that’s not all, big guy,” Viktor felt like he was going to explode with how many emotions were flowing through his system. Luther had since put him down on the ground and he was able to get a proper look at his brother, though it was already confirmed when he had been up in the air. He was staring at Luther’s chest and arms as he tried to come up with a way to phrase what was racing through his mind.

“Huh?” Luther asked before he gasped when he noticed it as well. “Holy shit, my body!” he brushed his hands over his chest and then looked down at his arms again. Where there had once been copious amounts of thick, wiry hair stretched out over grotesque, engorged muscles was nothing but pale skin with blond hair and lean muscle. “Wait, I look amazing!” he beamed as he realized what it really meant.

Jealousy and happiness mixed inside of Viktor until all he felt was nauseous. He knew that Luther had struggled with how he looked after the experiment that their father had performed on him to save the life Reginald himself had endangered. That much was evident from the way that Luther had hidden himself away in layers and layers of clothing when they had all first reunited. Viktor was very familiar with what it was like to feel uncomfortable in one’s body as that feeling had been magnified for him since he realized what his gender was. He wished that the transport to the new universe had given him a body that he felt more comfortable in, one that didn’t make him want to crawl out of his own skin when he caught himself in a reflective surface at just the wrong angle. At the same time, he couldn’t help but be happy for the gift that Luther had been given after everything he had been through.

Klaus wandered over to them in that stumble-walk that he had perfected when they were teenagers. Viktor had always been amazed he wasn’t tripping over himself more often, the same way that he would be if he tried that. “Luther’s all svelte now,” he commented as he touched his brother’s arm as well.

“Wait. I gotta show Sloane!” Luther beamed. It was heart warming to see him being so affectionate towards someone other than Allison. When they were younger, it was very disheartening to Viktor to try and pour so much love into his relationship with his brother only to be pushed to the side. Of course, back then, he hadn’t realized that Luther and Allison were romantically involved so the relationship he wanted was actually very different. Given everything that had happened with Allison in the last couple days, up to and including Luther’s death, it was a good thing that he had someone who adored him just as much as he did her.

The mention of the Sparrow hero was enough to make Viktor take attendance for everyone standing around in the garden. Lila and Diego were standing next to each other, so close that their shoulders were brushing against each other. Ben and Five were hanging around the bust in the center of the little garden path. Klaus was near Luther, who was standing in front the elevator still.

Five raised up his arm, fussing with his watch. “I got my arm back,” he informed them plainly like it wasn’t the best thing that had happened to him in decades.

“This is so cool. W-wait where’s Sloane?” Luther asked as he reached out towards Klaus for the information.

Surprisingly enough, the most chaotic member of the family actually did have an answer for him. “Oh, she was, uh… she was right behind me-”

“When Allison hit the bloody button,” Lila finished for him, gritting her teeth in anger.

“She’s gone too,” Diego groused.

Five began to walk towards one of the dark paths surrounding the small place of respite that they were in. His brows were furrowed and his face was pinched in that way that it always got when he was upset about something. “You know, I don’t know about you guys, but I haven’t felt this good in years,” Klaus said as he also turned his gaze towards the peaking city that they could see between the trees.

“Does anyone know where the Hell we are?” Ben asked.

Viktor felt his heart sink down into his stomach as he realized that it was the version of Ben that had come from the Sparrows despite none of the other Sparrows being with them. He had been hoping, after Luther had risen from the grave and stepped out of the elevator with them, that his long-dead brother would also return so that Viktor could apologize for using up the rest of his unlife energy. He figured that it made sense it would be that version of Ben, since he was the one that fought the final battle with them after they fucked up the timeline so that he existed in the first place.

“The hotel,” Lila quickly supplied before he could get in a fight with anyone. “Or at least, this is where it used to be.”

Five let out a breath, which really emphasized just how tired he was. “I think the old man did it. I think he reset the universe.”

Diego walked over so that he was standing in front of Lila with his hand up in front of her. She gasped as she held it in both of her own and said, “You got your fingers back!”

“Sloane? Sloane!” Luther called through the garden in a desperate attempt to find his wife.

Viktor could only stand there and watch his siblings interacting with each other as he tried to process everything that had happened. Something inside of him felt like it was missing, something that left him hollow and slightly damaged. He didn’t have time to unpack it now as tensions were already rising between the other family members.

Moving around the bust, Luther grabbed onto one of the lapels of Five’s suit jacket. “I don’t care about any resets, all right? I want my wife back. Where is she, Five?”

“I’m glad you’re alive, but please take your hand off me,” Five snarked. He was using that voice that he always did when he was upset about something or close to getting in a fight with someone. Viktor had heard it often when they were all going through the beginnings of puberty.

Anxiety began to rise inside of him as he realized that this could all go very badly very quickly if someone didn’t step in to stop them before they did something stupid. “Not until you give me an answer,” Luther threatened as he grabbed the other side of Five’s jacket so that he had no chance of escaping.

“Okay, screw this!” Five sassed back. He jerked to the side like he always did when he was getting ready to teleport, but this time he just fell limply back to where he had been before. A look of confusion took over his face and he glanced out around the garden as if that would somehow give him an answer. “Something’s wrong.”

“That’s right, something’s wrong, you’re about to get your ass kicked,” Luther snarled as he jerked his brother around again.

“Yeah, kick his ass,” Diego goaded.

“No, you moron,” Five seethed. The panic was beginning to make him mean, Viktor knew exactly how that felt. “My power. I can’t blink.”

“Yeah, right,” Diego said sarcastically as he got one of his knives out from the vest that he always wore. It was nice to see him in something other than black leather, even if the knives were probably going to exist with him throughout his entire life. Diego flipped the silver blade around his fingers once before it toppled down into the dirt below them. “That’s not good.”

Suddenly everything fell into place. Viktor glanced down at his hand as he raised it. He focused for a moment to try and pick up on the minute noises that existed everywhere in the world. It was only then that he realized that everything had been muffled since he had stepped out of the elevator. Hearing every tiny thing that was happening around him, even if it was accentuated only when he was off of his medication, had just been how he lived his life. He didn’t realize that the world was so quiet for everyone else until his power had been stolen from him. It explained the heavy emptiness that rested in his chest, right where the supernova of noise had been only an hour prior.

A few feet away, Klaus was waving his hand out in front of him as he said, “Okay… come on… Alakazam… ghosties.” Nothing happened. Ben strained with his hands clenched in fists out to the sides, but again there was nothing. “This means I’m mortal again? Aw, man,” Klaus whined as it became more and more obvious that they were ordinary.

“Wait, wait, wait. How do we get them back, you idiots?” Ben asked before anyone had the chance to do anything else.

“Shit,” Klaus groaned when no one was able to come up with any ideas. Reginald had told them so little about their powers that none of them knew where they came from, much less how they were supposed to get anything back.

“I gotta… I gotta go find my wife,” Luther said hoarsely. Viktor had enough breakdowns in his life to recognize that the other man was clinging to something that felt like it could still be tangible. They had all been through something deeply traumatic and painful on top of arriving in a strange world that they didn’t know well enough to tell if it was safe. Learning that their powers, which had been a constant for everyone other than Viktor, were gone had to be enough to make some of them deeply rattled.

Luther turned and began to walk down one of the paths to do as he said he was going to. Klaus turned after him and said, “No! Luther, you can’t go. You were dead ten minutes ago, you’re fragile.” He whirled back around to the rest of the family and said, “I gotta go after him.”

“No, wait, Klaus!” Diego tried to argue with his brother but at that point Klaus had already begun down the path after Luther. Despite what a lot of the public had thought when they were younger and actively acting as the Umbrella Academy, Klaus was the most stubborn out of all of the siblings. If he got an idea that he decided he just had to do, then he was going to do it come Hell or high water.

Ben was the next to leave, already stalking towards the other side of the park, “I’m out, bitches!”

A flare of panic unlike he had felt in a long time rang out in Viktor’s chest. Memories that were hazy with sedative and time flashed through his mind. All the times that they had left him for their training, all the times that they had been ushered into a car together while he had been left watching them out of a stained glass window, all the times that they had snuck out together and left him behind, played over the top of each other. “Guys, come on,” Viktor said desperately. “We should stick together and figure this out-”

“Well what are we supposed to do?” Diego asked, interrupting Viktor before he even had the chance to say what he was planning to. Too much of it felt like what it had been before Viktor had gotten his powers and had become too dangerous to ignore. 

They were all quiet for a second as Diego and Lila turned slightly towards each other. “Live our lives?” she suggested. Diego remained quiet as he obviously rolled the idea around his head. He then took her hand, weaving their fingers together, before he disappeared down another one of the paths.

Then it was just Five and Viktor, as it had been so often when they were children. The conversation that they had about other people being ants, which had given them some common ground now that they had shifted so much in their adult lives, rolled over in Viktor’s head again. He knew that it wasn’t true anymore since neither of them had the massive powers that they did when it took place, but he was still hoping that it would mean something.

He supposed that hope was his greatest flaw. Just like last time, Five turned on his heel and marched away from Viktor without saying anything. He disappeared into the dark foliage so that not even a glimpse of his back could be seen.

That morning at the dining room table, when Five had lurched away and thrown himself outside to try time traveling for the first time was a moment that replayed over and over again in Viktor’s mind. He always wondered, both now and when he had been a child, what would have happened if he had just had the balls to pull his brother back into his seat instead of just letting him go.

What was happening now felt so similar to that, that Viktor almost felt himself shrinking down into the demure version of himself that he hadn’t been in so long. Being off of the medication had let him feel free in a way that he had never before, and the idea of having to go back to that now that his powers were gone brought the panic that had been resting dormant in the back of his mind to the forefront of all his thoughts.

He paused for a moment to try and pick up on the sounds of footsteps and rustling leaves from where his siblings and Ben were now lost in the park, but there was nothing. He tilted his head down towards the bust of Reginald and gave his head a small shake. “Asshole,” he muttered.

Viktor turned and walked down the last remaining path so that he could get out of the park.

[ledenews]

Santorine: 'I’m Not Going Back to 383 Pounds'

The impetus for this column was a discussion about a very good kind of quitting that I had with Steve Novotney, radio host, journalist extraordinaire and editor for this column. He’s writing a column about his quitting smoking, and I’m writing about my ongoing love/hate relationship with food.  There is an important distinction here - you can quit tobacco. You can’t quit food. I’ve struggled with weight my entire life, and it’s worse now that I’m halfway through my 65th year.  Part of the problem was my depression era parents, who would shovel whatever Mom was cooking on my plate, and full or not, I was commanded to “clean my plate” as there were “children in Africa who are starving.” Of course, like any good son, I did what I was told. It’s not that either had food insecurities growing up. My father’s immigrant parents scratched out a living. My mother’s parents did quite well. It was the rationing mentality that came from growing up then, and the war effort for World War II.  Then I had the pleasure of playing football in High School, and low and behold my Dad was the coach. Bulk up to 210 pounds for the season, and then drop 22 plus pounds to wrestle at 188 when that was a weight class. I made that weight by taking my glasses off and exhaling while standing on the scale. During my senior year of high school, I injured my left knee wrestling.  Cartilage, ligaments and tendons. Sounds like a law firm, doesn’t it? If it is, they specialize in pain. My immobility for the winter and spring saw my weight balloon to 245 lbs, and was the end of my amateur sports career. I arrived at college tipping the scales at this prodigious weight, and two things became painfully obvious - that I would not be getting too many dates at that weight, and that the food on campus was nowhere near as good as Mom’s. I was permitted by my doctor to play non-contact intramural sports, and I did. By the middle of my freshman year, I was a rather svelte 170 pounds and in fairly decent shape. In retrospect, I was probably consuming three times the number of calories I needed but walking around campus and sweating it out playing volleyball and about anything else let me keep that weight. Then, the dreamland that is college ended, and I was thrust into the real world of sales management. Behind a desk, with phone in one hand, or sitting on airplanes. Sales calls, that when scheduled correctly included a business breakfast, a business lunch, and a fairly high-pressure business dinner, all the while I was concentrating on getting the deal, and absently mindedly shoveling food into my pie hole. Seriously, I was taught to concentrate on the client. I didn’t even think about the food, which was usually ridiculously rich, and available in copious quantities.  In what felt like a blink of an eye, I ballooned up to about where I was when I left high school, a whopping 230 pounds. A “very low calorie” diet and a ton of exercise brought me back down to 170 lbs and provided me with gall stones. Not an unusual side effect, I might add. That experience had me eating like a rabbit, because a single piece of pizza or fried-anything was good for a trip to the emergency room. My weight was up and down like a Yo-Yo for the next decade, usually ending a little bit higher at the end of each cycle. At about 250 pounds, I chose to quit smoking. I had been a two-pack-a-day guy for about 20 years, starting in the early 1980’s. I sucked on my last cancer stick July 18, 2001. I know that date, as it was my Dad’s (and my wife fathers) birthdate. Some things are just seared in your memory. Often, I love being predictable, but I didn’t this time.  Without whatever appetite suppression I was getting from myself administered nicotine habit,  I shot up from 250 to over 300 pounds. Somewhere in there, my blood pressure decided that it was going up as well, so I was medicated by my doctor, and suffered most of the side effects. One of my doctors, who I’ll call “Dr. Perfectweight,” was rather brutal about my weight, and I kept asking him what he was going to do to help. Nothing but crickets. In the mid 1990’s, a lot of the options we have today didn’t exist.  Of course, that changed when “Dr. Perfectweight” had a massive heart attack. I ran into him socially a few years later. Seems he came to understand my dilemma. Few people with triple-digits of weight to lose are capable of doing so. I don’t know why, but I have researched the numbers. They are shockingly small. I used to joke that “I quit smoking 100 pounds ago.” In retrospect, it was a pretty lame excuse. My peak weight was 383 pounds. That’s morbidly obese. That’s un-insurable. That’s “it’s not a matter of if you’re going to have diabetes, it’s a matter of when”. There are many unfortunate things I learned along the way - as a fat man, you don’t want to show up at the ER with a busted up hand. They will assume heart attack and start looking for it.  Don’t show up at a buffet, if it’s served; they want to pile it on your plate (here, eat up, porky). Here, you look like you want two desserts, to which I would smile and quietly wish pox on their house, while wrapping the sweets in the cloth napkin which could easily be a mess for the bus staff (my apologies). The twisted cultural norms are completely wrong when it comes to food. Eating stupid was encouraged at every turn. I’ve always kept a fairly decent level of muscle hidden under this flabby exterior, and my brother-in-law once mentioned that I moved pretty well for a “big man.” It was intended as a compliment, and I took it as such. That still haunts me. This journey to get my weight under control has required a concerted effort over a number of years, and I’m lucky to have some medical professionals with completely awesome skills and an amazing level of compassion. The numbers look like this - fewer than 5% of those with a pack-a-day or greater smoking habit successfully quit smoking. Less than 1% of those who endeavor to lose 100 pounds or more do. Less than 1%. One in 100. Ten in 1,000. You could easily do better at any casino. While there was a run-up to the beginning of my weight loss journey that included a year and one half of turning in nutrition sheets and attending online call learning sessions (sometimes, I felt like the smallest person on the call … I know that I was the most fit on a number of the calls). Over two years of dealing with insurance companies who claimed that the surgery my physicians were prescribing was “cosmetic.”  I thought then, as I do now, that paying for a one-time surgery vs. the cost of decades of diabetes medication is a loser for the insurance company. Unless, of course, they plan on burying you before you get too expensive. With the current popularity of the GLP inhibitors, diabetes drugs that have a pretty decent track record with weight loss, I spent some time at Ruby Hospital investigating them as well. That’s medical weight loss, as opposed to surgical weight loss.  I plan on being on this side of the turf for another 30 years and didn’t like the idea of a new drug with not fully understood long-term implications. My team recommended the surgical approach, and that’s what we did. The pivot date for me was June 18th of this year when I went in for surgery and had over 80% of my stomach removed. Technically a gastric sleeve. I need to thank my surgeon Dr. Lawrence Tabone at WVU/Ruby Hospital for what I consider to be an amazing gift. For the first time in my adult life, my body tells me “enough, stop eating” There is magic behind this, and a lot of it came from Rachel Allio, my dietician who counseled me all the way through this process. Those who know me know that I can be a forceful personality. She spoke truth to my power in a way that resonates with me and made a difference for me. As with most medical professionals, knowing your stuff is a given. Being able to deliver it in a way to make a difference is a gift. She has that gift, and I’m convinced that it’s the reason my surgeon put her on my case. I’m thankful. What’s going to be different this time? It is what happens between my ears when I make a move to ingest anything. Do I need this? Is it healthy? Is it on my acceptable list? I went from eating whatever was around with no regard for quantity to counting everything.  I knew a lot of this stuff before but what I lacked was being intentional. This simple lesson, learned in one of those group sessions (and repeated continuously for 18 months) drove the point home. Message received and acted upon. I’m still doing two or more business meals per day. I’m perfectly happy eating a small part of a high-protein meal. Or a small serving of cottage cheese. I’m not there for the meal; I’m there for the conversation. Or for the business. Or for the friendship. Half of what is put in front of me is going into a “to-go” container, or in the trash. For me, it’s a small price to pay. I don’t eat behind the wheel. I don’t eat behind the keyboard. I don’t eat in front of the television. Eating time is time to eat, not a side car to some other activity. I don’t walk through the door at home and open the fridge. That’s “old Dolph.” Instead, I’m cruising with a water bottle in my right hand most of the time. Hydration is sips all day long because I’m one gulp away from having it come back up the way it went down. I can, and will, do this for the rest of my life. There is no choice, and there is not an alternative that I consider acceptable. I’ve lost enough weight already that I’m considering wearing suspenders with my shorts in quite possibly the worst fashion move you can imagine. In the eight weeks since the surgery, I’ve lost 43 pounds, and the trend line is looking good.  I’m off all of my blood pressure medications, and my numbers are normal. I am going to lose one of you – the equivalent, anyway. I am going to lose 200 lbs. For some of your, that might equate top two of you. That’s 10 20-pound bags of kitty litter to you who have feline members of your family. That’s more than what the government considers a standard adult (at 160 pounds). Everything is better.  Food tastes better. I don’t have to go to “Omar the Tentmaker” to buy a shirt. I’ve dropped two sizes in pants … which results in a selection that is probably an entire order of magnitude larger.  I sleep through the night very soundly, and wake refreshed. Losing those 43 pounds has felt like the weight loss rolled the clock back 20 years. I’m not going back to 383 pounds. My life does depend on it. I’m surrounded by amazing family, and probably better than I deserve medical professionals. I thank you all, and it was a good use of your skills and my insurance companies’ money. Like those who have dealt with addiction, I have to wake up every morning and suppress the “fat man” inside who’s desperately trying to take over. I’m not about to let him win. I’m doing this for me. And it’s going to get done and stay done.  Read the full article

[liptonoos]

murphtavia x attention by doja cat (july '23) + my relationship with them

sooo it had been a while since i last edited murphy and octavia, as the 100 has been over for like almost three years (WTF), there aren't a lot of new scenes etc. so i've lost my inspo gradually (rip) but i still like to edit the show once in a while, and when i do it just feels like HOME.

i LOOOOVEEE editing the 100 so much. well, it makes sense as it is my favorite show and i was OBSESSED with it for a few years (i knew every single line said by every single character omfg mood)

i think my fav things to edit from the 100 are polis (MY HOMEEEE), murphtavia (yes it IS a crackship, i love crackships so much, in fact, i love AU edits in general: the idea of recreating a whole new plot / reality with a story that already exists, with limited scenes, etc. it amazes me!!!!), octavia, diyoza, season 6, locations in general & underrated characters

anyways, i wanted to edit murphy and octavia again, but as i used to do it ALL THE TIME, i've already done quite a lot of concepts (example: modern murphtavia, murphtavia on bardo, murphtavia on sanctum, murphtavia & bellamy, murphtavia in 705, etc.) and i didn't want to just edit random scenes from random seasons so i decided that i should edit them in season 7 only, because s7 looked SO GOOOODDD on them let's be honest!!! then, right after having the idea, i downloaded their soft & badass scenes and i searched for an audio.

i wanted to make a soft / badass ship edit, because i don't really know how to do simple ship edits (don't ask me why), i always find it more interesting to add a little bit of spiceeeee... actually i think i just don't like to stick to one 'editing pattern'.

so once i found the audio i started the edit, it took me almost 11 hours to make it, and i used exclusively videostar (bc sometimes i like to use procreate, imovie or else).

during the editing process, i had been kind of stuck multiple times, especially with the parts concerning murphy, idk why, when this happens, i just keep going to create further transitions in order to keep my inspo, bc if i don't touch for a few days, it's quite impossible for me to be in the exact same mood i was before and to continue the edit (in fact i usually rush the end of all my edits -> tips: i now try to do the last two transitions when i start my edit so the more meh transitions won't be at the very end and it won't be as visible)

anyways, murphtavia has been one of my greatest inspiration since 2019, every time i edit them my mind just enters into an altered state of consciousness (i'm not being dramatic at all) and finds a way to make them REAL. i also love to know that people might be shocked or uncomfortable or surprised while watching my murphtavia edits as it is really just me and my mind recreating the story (dramatic)

i won't say that it is my fav muphtavia edit that i've made, bc there is the one from april '22 (https://www.instagram.com/p/CcVp8JTID8w/), and y'all let me tell you. let me. explain. how proud i am of myself for creating this one. i think everything fits very well, and i remember i even CREATED an leaf overlay IRL from scratch, with REAL LEAVES from my GARDEN. lmaooo i was like 'ok i don't know how to use cinema 3d let's find another way to create exactly what i have in mind' and i did. slay. however, i think in this edit from july '23, there are some crusty stuff, especially, once again, in the parts concentrated on murphy, maybe it's bc i usually have more inspo to edit women (oops)

well, i think that's it. for now. i hope it wasn't too messy, it was my first attempt to write about my editing experience ✦Lip

[deripmaver]

laurent is a good person - book 1 meta

one of the most amazing things about captive prince is how the reveals in book 3 recontextualize all of the scenes leading up to them, including about laurent himself. in book one, all we see is damen pov as he’s being abused and humiliated by this supposedly spoiled, vile ice prince. when the regent comes to damen and subtly (and not so subtly) insults laurent, calling him unfit to rule - well, why would he think anything different? laurent has insulted him, had him whipped within an inch of his life, and even attempted to (and later successfully lmfao) have him raped while drugged out of his mind. 

after book 3 we can reread most if not all of book 1 as a very traumatized boy who has finally been confronted with the man who killed his brother, leaving him alone with his abusive uncle, and who he clearly has made into a complete monster in his own mind. damen of course sees him as a complete bitch, but there’s textual/subtextual evidence that laurent is well liked, and that his behavior during book 1 was actually pretty out of character for him. i’d like to provide some examples of that now!!!!

“Laurent had stopped dead the moment he had seen Damen, his face turning white as though in reaction to a slap, or an insult. Damen’s view, half-truncated by the short chain at this neck, had been enough to see that. But Laurent’s expression had shuttered quickly.” Captive Prince, Chapter One

i couldn’t resist adding this one in hehe. laurent recognizes damen!! he’s come down, knowing his uncle has devised another truly horrendous and triggering “gift” and that he’ll lose support if he calls it our for what it truly is, only to find out that it’s fucking damianos of akielos sent to him as a sex slave. a jab at laurent’s trauma about auguste and also a jab at laurent’s frigid sexuality - which ofc is completely the regent’s fault. fuck that guy so much lmfao 

“‘It’s so rare to see you at these entertainments, Your Highness,’ said Vannes.” Captive Prince, Chapter Two.

this is right before the fight between govart and damen in the ring, of course. damen sees laurent as depraved and vile as the sexual sadism on display by the veretian court, and considers him to be a willing purveyor of it. this is wrong, of course, as said by vannes here. laurent has only shown up because he wants to humiliate damen lmfao.

“He did remember being supported by two of the guards, here, in this room, while Radel stared athis back in horror. ‘The Prince really . . . did this.’ ‘Who else?’ Damen said. Radel had stepped forward, and slapped Damen across the face; it was a hard slap, and the man wore three rings on each finger. ‘What did you do to him?’ Radel demanded.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

this scene, to me, was the most telling lmfao. it’s right after damen is whipped. you could argue that radel is just a servant in the employ of the royal household, so is of course going to be loyal to the prince, but he seems genuinely surprised of the prince’s cruelty towards damen. not only that, but he slaps him and immediately assumes damen must have done something. which - i mean, technically he did lmao. not necessarily enough to deserve having the skin flayed from his back, but you know. if laurent was in the habit of torturing pets and slaves, why would the overseer react this way?

“The men guarding him were the Prince’s Guard, and had no affiliation with the Regent whatsoever. It surprised Damen how loyal they were to their Prince, and how diligent in his service, airing none of the grudges and complaints that he might have expected, considering Laurent’s noxious personality. Laurent’s feud with his uncle they took up wholeheartedly; there were deep schisms and rivalries between the Prince’s Guard and the Regent’s Guard, apparently.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

laurents relationships with his guards are also some of the biggest indicators that he isn’t just a spoiled brat, but can insire a deep loyalty in his men. even if they do all want to fuck him. ah, sexual harassment. it’s also hilarious that damen immediately assumes they’re loyal to him because they want to fuck him - nice projection there, dude. we know a bit more about laurent and his guards thanks to green but for a season, but this little bit here is interesting.

“Laurent was indeed good at talking. He accepted sympathy gracefully. He put his position rationally. He stopped the flow of talk when it became dangerously critical of his uncle. He said nothing that could be taken as an open slight on the Regency. Yet no one who talked to him could have any doubt that his uncle was behaving at best misguidedly and at worst treasonously.”  Captive Prince, Chapter Five

idek what to say here. laurent my beloved <3333

“‘When someone doesn’t like you very much, it isn’t a good idea to let them know that you care about something,’ said Laurent. Damen felt himself turn ashen, as the threat sank in. ‘Would it hurt worse than a lashing for me to cut down someone you care for?’ said Laurent.” Captive Prince, Chapter Seven

this isn’t really relevant to my thesis lmfao i just love this exchange bc it gives SO MUCH information about laurent and his uncle in just three lines of dialogue. what has the regent done, who did he cut down just to hurt laurent? when and how did laurent learn that? p a i n 

“Laurent’s fussy horse began acting out again, and he leaned forward in the saddle, murmuring something as he stroked her neck in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture to quiet her.” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine. 

HORSEY NO- lmfao this scene just hurts so badly on the reread. especially later on, in book 3 i think, where laurent says something like “i provoked my uncle.” he’s really blaming himself for his uncle KILLING HIS HORSE, his horse that his murdered brother trained, one of the only living connections to auguste... all because his uncle could not let a single miniscule plan laurent had set go through without some kind of repercussion. literally all laurent did was do something to stop an innocent group of people from being abused, nothing to undermine his uncle’s rule, but because the regent is VILE he could not let laurent have even this. he’s so good with her, too. he must have known by this point and also known that there was no way to stop this. P A I N

“‘I know that you have somehow arranged this,’ said Erasmus. He was incapable of hiding what he felt, and just seemed to radiate embarrassed happiness. ‘You kept your promise. You and your master. I told you he was kind,’ Erasmus said. ‘You did,’ said Damen. He was pleased to see Erasmus happy. Whatever Erasmus believed about Laurent, Damen wasn’t going to dissuade him. ‘He’s even nicer in person. Did you know he came and talked to me?’ said Erasmus. ‘—He did?’ said Damen. It was something he couldn’t imagine. ‘He asked about . . . what happened in the gardens. Then he warned me. About last night.’ ‘He warned you,’ said Damen. ‘He said that Nicaise would make me perform before the court and it would be awful, but that if I was brave, something good might come at the end of it.’ Erasmus looked up at Damen curiously. ‘Why do you look surprised?’ ‘I don’t know. I shouldn’t be. He likes to plan things in advance,’ said Damen.” Captive Prince, Chapter 9.

this is the first in-text confirmation we have that laurent has a good heart beneath his layers and layers of trauma-induced lashing out. book one often skeeves people out because of its graphic and, honestly, yes, kind of sexualized depiction of rape, slavery, and depravity, but beneath it all you meet these two protagonists who are going to have all of their most deeply held views about each other challenged. laurent from very early on is shaken to his core when damen refuses to rape nicaise in the ring - it cracks the very foundations of the person he’d built up in his head as this horrible monster who killed his brother in cold blood. and damen keeps defying laurents expectations by being a good person through and through. on the other hand, laurent spends the first part of the book taking out years of anger on damen, but here for the first time we see him do something just because its the kind thing to do. yes, torveld is an ally against his uncle, but laurent has clearly been scheming with him for a while now, and he’s now overlooking his hatred of damen and working with him just because none of the slaves deserve whats happened to them. it’s such a sweet moment.

“One of the other men, eyeing them, approached a moment later. ‘Don’t mind Jean. He’s in a foul mood. He was the one had to stick a sword through the mare’s throat and put her down. The Prince tore strips off him for not doing it fast enough.’” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine.

HORSEY NO- pt 2. this is just another really sweet and sad detail - laurent being so upset that the horse’s death could have been more painless. it must have hurt so much to see her in pain, and to know that the only way for that pain to end was being put down as quickly as possible. i wuv him. im sad

that’s it, though there are still a few more chapters left in the book. this isn’t providing any new information, of course, the path of the three books is to show that laurent isnt the man we meet in book one, that he’s actually sweet, and earnest, and he’s been fighting his own battle practically alone against his abuser since he was fifteen years old. also, the reveal that laurent knew who damianos was from the start makes it clear imo that all of his violence in book 1 was supposed vengence, not... him being evil. he apologizes explicitly in-text, and also, all of the acts of violence he commits cause serious problems for him in terms of his future alliance which he then needs to fix. i just love how layered these books are, how there’s so much information in them that makes rereading almost more fun than reading them for the very first time!

[doubleleoenergy]

Cool for the Summer

Even if they judge, fuck it, I'll do the time. I just wanna have some fun with you.

Pairing: parentsbestfriend!Steve Rogers x fem!reader x parentsbestfriend!Natasha Romanoff

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, oral (male and female receiving), fingering, vaginal sex, use of pet names (princess), mommy kink, daddy kink, mentions of alcohol, y/n is 18, slight size kink, threesome.

Words: 2700 (I’m so sorry, I got carried away)

Summary: One pair of drunken kisses turned to much more. Now at the biggest pool party, y/n is ready for a hot girl summer.

Notes: This is my submission for @agentofbarnes​‘s The Agency’s Writing Challenge. I chose to write for dadsbestfriends/momsbestfriend au, secret relationship, and Steve Rogers + Natasha Romanoff. This is the type of sandwich I’d love to be between. I apologize for being such a whore with this.

“Y/N, can you please grab the two bags of ice from the ice chest in the garage? We need to fill up the other coolers before we add the drinks.”

“Yes mom!” Y/N cried out to her mother, tossing a large flamingo floatie into their pool before heading towards the garage. It was their annual Summer pool party, the biggest party of the season for y/n’s parents. Her parents invited all their friends and family, including everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Y/N’s mother and father were both agents with S.H.I.E.L.D. and had been working with the Avengers team closely for years. She remembered visiting the tower when she was nine, a picture of her visit still hanging proudly in her bedroom. It had been years since she personally went to visit, but many of the team members visited her parents often. 

That included her super-secret lovers Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff. 

It happened by complete chance last July. Her parents were on a mission for three weeks, leaving y/n alone to take care of their two dogs and to watch over the house. Of course, her parents were nervous to leave their eighteen-year-old daughter home alone for that long, asking many of their colleagues to stop in occasionally to check in on her. The Friday of their second week gone, y/n had gotten wine drunk, having snuck a bottle of her parents' expensive chardonnay from their wine cellar.

She was halfway through the bottle when they came, Steve and Natasha. They found her dancing to some pop song in the living room, her right hand holding up the bottle of wine to her lips. Steve and Natasha had grabbed the bottle from her hand, but not before she kissed them both; Steve first for a rough kiss and Nat last for a soft one.

Y/N didn’t remember anything the next day, but Steve and Nat showed up again to remind her. About 30 minutes after they had explained what happened the night before Y/N ended up with Nat’s head between her thighs and Steve’s cock in her mouth.

They had spent the next week before her parents came home together. Then afterwards, Steve and Nat told y/n that they had to keep what they had a secret, that no one would understand. They had all hung out a few times before y/n went off to college and then a few times during her college years when she was home on break.

The last time y/n saw Nat and Steve was during her Spring Break, two months ago, and she couldn’t wait to see them at the party. She had worn her skimpiest pink striped bikini for the occasion, ready to show off her hot-girl-summer body.

Y/N lifted one bag of ice on each shoulder, carrying it into the backyard and starting to fill the coolers while her father packed them with an assortment of beer, seltzers, soda, and water. “Honey, are you excited to see everyone now that you’re back from summer break?” Her father asked, wiping a few beads of sweat off his brow.

“Yeah, some more than others.” She muttered, shrugging her shoulders. After fixing up the coolers with her father, y/n helped her parents set out the snacks, decorate the backyard, and bring out the large speakers to play music.

It was already one o’clock when guests started to arrive, parking along their circle drive as well as up and down their street. Y/N was instructed by her father to wait by the back gate and greet the guests as they came in, giving each guest a cheap lei that her mom had ordered from Party City. 

Guest after guest, dozens of lei’s later, she spotted them. Nat and Steve drove together, of course, and they looked as striking as always. Nat was dressed in a blood red string bikini top, her cutoff shorts hanging off her hips as she walked. Steve looked incredibly toned in a white t-shirt that clung to his muscles, a pair of red board shorts hugging his thighs to match Nat’s bikini top.

Y/N’s eyes met both their gazes, her figure standing up straighter to accentuate her breasts. Nat and Steve’s eyes trailed up and down her body, Steve’s cock stirring in his shorts.

“Aloha Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff.” She purred; her voice sickly sweet like candy.

“It’s nice to see you again, y/n.” Steve mentioned casually, a large grin spreading across his features. The pair bent forward to receive their lei’s, y/n’s fingers trailing a little longer on each of their neck’s, her nails sending shivers down their spines.

“There’s plenty of drinks and food, and the pool is perfectly chilled. I might take a dip myself.” Y/N gave them a seductive wink before gesturing them in the gate so that she could continue to greet the guests.

Two hours in and the pool party was raging. Y/N’s parents mingled about with the guests, hopping from group to group. As the party continued, Steve and Nat’s eyes followed y/n as she spoke with guests, handed out drinks, and refilled the snacks on the picnic table. They watched the way her ass bounced in her bikini bottoms, how her hips swayed to the music as she danced with a group of friends, and the way her body looked soaking wet as she stepped out of the pool.

She knew what she was doing, trying to rile them up so they’d crack during the party. There were so many guests, what were the chances of anyone even noticing them if they went missing for a while? Y/N needed Steve and Natasha, bad, and she was willing to do whatever it took to get them.

Her body was still dripping wet from the pool, her hair caressing her face. She sauntered across the backyard to one of the coolers, digging her nimble fingers under the ice until she found what she was looking for. Pulling off the wrapper she revealed a red, white, and blue bomb pop, how fitting. Y/N met Steve’s gaze, sashaying her hips back and forth as she stalked towards them.

“Hi Captain, enjoying the view?” She questioned, tilting her head to look up at him. He had about a foot or more on her, making her crane her neck to meet his ocean blue eyes.

“I know I have. What about you, Nat?” He tilted his head to the left, eyes landing on Natasha.

“Definitely. What’cha got there, pretty girl?”

“Just a bomb pop. It’s so hot out, I needed to cool off.” Her lips finally meet the popsicle, engulfing the tip and swirling her tongue around it, a devilish look flashing in her eyes. Natasha clenches her thighs together, thinking of how good it would feel to have the woman’s lips between them.

Y/N teases the popsicle against her lips, pushing it deeper until she gags lightly, her gaze locked with Steve’s own as she does. The same noise she usually made around his cock, he almost pushed her to her knees right then and there. She pulled the popsicle out of her mouth, a string of saliva connecting her lips to the tip.

“You sure you don’t want some?” That was the last straw for Natasha, pulling the stick out of y/n’s hands before tossing the popsicle into the grass beside them. Natasha leans in close, her breath tickling y/n’s ear.

“Go to your room and wait on the bed. Now.” She commanded, pulling away from y/n and changing her expression as to not draw any attention to the throuple. Y/N nodded her head, her own expression flashing with excitement as she moved across the lawn and headed inside her home.

Her bedroom was up on the second floor, away from all the chaos downstairs. Only a few of the guests lingered inside, walking in and out of the first-floor bathroom, some leaning against the kitchen counter in conversation.

Y/N slipped silently up the steps, tiptoeing to her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest, stealing a quick glance at herself in the mirror. Her hair was slightly wild from her dip in the pool, her body glistening with a mix of sweat and pool water. Y/N walked over to the bed, her head resting against a pillow, her legs bent and open, waiting for her lovers to arrive.

Steve and Natasha made their way into the house ten minutes later, conversing politely with the few guests who still lingered inside, waiting until they walked out towards the rest of the attendees before making their way up the wooden staircase. Steve is the first to make it to the door, opening it and smiling at the sight of y/n splayed out before them.

“My my, princess. You sure know how to rile us both up. Couldn’t even behave until the end of the party you’re that desperate?” Steve tosses his shirt to the floor after Nat shuts and locks the door behind them, the redhead following suit as she started to undress as well.

“She just loves to tease, but she’ll pay for it now.” Nat stalked over to the bed, getting on her knees beside the edge and gesturing y/n with her fingers to join her. Steve stepped out of his board shorts last, his thick cock bouncing against his chest as he moved over to where Natasha was kneeling beside the bed, y/n getting on her knees beside her, still dressed in her bikini.

“Nat, baby, how about you help our princess undress while she keeps her mouth busy on my cock.” He commanded, stroking his length in his right hand. Natasha nodded her head, moving behind y/n and pulling at the string of her bikini top, letting it unravel and slide forward off her chest. 

Steve stepped forward, his cock slapping gently against y/n’s cheek. “Go on princess.” Y/N swallows thickly, the size of his cock always surprising her, no matter how many times she saw it. Her hand reached up to stroke his length, her tongue swirling around the tip, eliciting a groan from Steve’s lips.

Natasha busied herself by reaching over y/n’s back to knead and pinch at her perky breasts, y/n’s eyes fluttering shut as she took Steve’s cock into her mouth, her hand moving down to fondle with his balls. She bobbed her head back and forth, grinding her still clothed core against her carpet.

“Aw Steve look, our princess is getting needy.” Nat took a fistful of y/n’s hair into her hand, ripping her off Steve’s cock and tilting her back to make eye contact with her. “You know what to do, a pretty princess like you has to ask for what she wants.”

Y/N whined, bucking her hips up to draw attention to her bikini bottoms. “Please mommy, please touch my pussy.”

Nat hummed in response, releasing her hand from y/n’s hair, pushing her in the direction towards Steve’s cock once again. Y/N wastes no time, opening her mouth and looking up at Steve, her long eyelashes batting coyly. “Daddy, will you fuck my mouth while mommy plays with my pussy?” She asked sweetly.

Steve almost came immediately from her statement, his thumb sweeping lovingly across her lips before his hand moved to grip at her hair, looping it around his hand to lock her in place before sliding her mouth forward and back onto his cock.

Steve started to fuck her face slowly while Natasha moved her hand down to undo the strings of y/n’s bottoms, pulling them out from underneath her before she tossed them across the room. Her hands caress y/n’s hips as Steve moves in and out of her mouth, faster this time. Y/N’s saliva dripped from her mouth and onto the carpet as Natasha snaked her hand down to y/n’s folds, her fingers immediately covered in her slick.

Nat dipped one of her perfectly manicured fingers into her heat, y/n humming around Steve’s cock in response. She continued to work her finger in and out before adding another finger, Natasha’s lips trailing wet kisses down her neck.

“So wet, princess. You want your daddy to fuck your tight cunt?” Nat purred, adding a third finger into her soaking hole. Y/N couldn’t answer, her mouth stuffed full of Steve’s cock, her nose touching his pelvic bone. He held her down, y/n sputtering as tears welled in her eyes, watching her face turn red before he pulled her off abruptly, her body collapsing back against Natasha’s.

Y/N gasped for air, her saliva dripping from her mouth down her chin and bare breasts. Natasha’s fingers sped up inside y/n, her orgasm building fast. “Mommy, may I cum please?” She mewled, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

“Yes princess, cum now. Daddy’s waiting to fuck you.” Her orgasm ripped through her, her walls tightening around Natasha’s fingers as she fucked her through the pleasure. Slowly, her breathing slowed down again, and Natasha removed her fingers from her core. Nat opened her pouty lips, licking y/n’s slick off her fingers happily. “You taste so good, our pretty girl. Now I want you to get on the bed on all fours for daddy.”

Y/N followed the instructions, crawling up onto the bed and getting on her hands and knees, arching her back and sticking up her plump ass. Steve’s hand was soft against her ass cheek, fondling it in his hand as he rubbed his cock against her folds with his other hand. He braced one hand against her back, sliding his cock in slowly, savoring the feeling of her tight cunt swallowing him.

“Always so tight, princess. The prettiest cunt I’ve ever seen. Isn’t that right, mommy?” Steve moved his cock slowly back out of her pussy before slamming in fast, causing y/n to fall forward as she cried out in pleasure.

“It is the prettiest.” Nat agreed, moving onto the bed until her thighs opened, her pussy on full display. She scooted her body until her thighs were on either side of y/n’s head, gripping her chin and pulling her head up to look at her. “Put that pretty mouth to use and make mommy cum.” She instructed, y/n’s tongue sticking out to lick a strip up to Natasha’s clit.

Natasha rested her weight on her elbows, watching y/n swirl her tongue around her clit, moaning at the sight. Steve continued to fuck into y/n, pushing her face deeper into Natasha’s pussy. His cock rocked fast into her, y/n humming with her face against Nat’s cunt.

“That’s it, princess. Let daddy fuck you into mommy’s pussy. You keep that up and you’re going to make me cum on your pretty tongue.” Natasha’s eyes met Steve. “You look so good daddy, so hot when you’re fucking our princess.”

Steve’s breathing was ragged, his hips slapping rapidly against y/n. “Cum on her tongue, mommy. Give our princess your sweet nectar.” Natasha bucked her pussy against her face, hitting her orgasm as y/n licked up all of Nat’s juices that flowed from her. Y/N continued to lap at Natasha, working her through her orgasm as she came on Steve’s cock, her walls clenching around him.

“Fuck, that’s it princess, make a mess on daddy’s cock. Gonna fill this pussy up princess, you deserve it for how happy you made mommy.” Steve thrust twice more before his hips stilled against her ass, groaning as he coated her walls with his cum. He stayed glued to her, pressing soft kisses to her spine as he relaxed his body, finally pulling out of her. His cock was wet with y/n’s cum, her pussy dripping their mixed cum onto the sheets.

“Did so good princess, let’s let mommy clean this up.” On cue, Natasha moved to take Steve’s place behind her, licking at her cunt to indulge in their mixed juices. Y/N’s body relaxed into the bed, letting Natasha clean her up.

Eventually, Natasha finished licking, pulling off to collapse next to y/n, her body spent as well from their escapades. Steve moved beside y/n, laying his head back against the pillow. 

“My beautiful girls, I love you both so much. Best pool party I’ve ever attended.”

[thehallstara]

Blaseball Fic Recs

I really wasn't planning on doing one of these but then I realized that I had pretty much done half the work already when hen was looking for some so might as well!! I tried to keep this to one per person and also have a wide selection of teams.

Black Hole Oral History Project by waltztangocache - Genuinely there are so many things by hen I wanted to pick (like so much left to recover which you need to read) but this one is just such an excellent use of form that I had to rec it. Pedro Davids conducts interviews in the black hole and it's EXCELLENT.

A face for radio by Impernia - such a fun and fascinating exploration of when the sim broke during the last short circuit and teams were playing double games.

voices on the other line by papouleaf - human socks maybe irm and mx chicago have a conversation and I think about it far too much.

it could be better by oxicleanmoron - simple and sweet, Brock helps bertie with recarcinizing and also I cry.

life's a beach and then you die by h4wkguy - this fic is criminally underrated. Vela Meadows helps Paula Reddick out of the Hellmouth and man does it hurt!

here, beneath my lungs by babytriumphant - again, robbie is one of those people where there are SO MANY fics i could recommend (tatbt is a goddamn classic), and to be frank once you finish this you should check out the rest of the chicago, in brief series because i genuinely could have pulled any one of them for this, but this is one i go back to a lot.

ORPHEUS by nix/moonofpluto/geometea - gd knows i love a good twine and man is this a GOOD ONE. son jenson is coming for your heart along with her own and you will be stunned.

The Crabitat Language, Attunement, Understanding, and Unity, Standard by cylite is one continuous conversation flowing over 24 seasons and it’s such an interesting exploration of different relationships amongst the crabs.

F. All of the Above and albatross by queeneevee - okay i know i said i was sticking to one per person but i truly couldn’t decide between these two by cola for different reasons. F. is one of the smartest and coolest blaseball fics i’ve ever read and albatross shattered me into a million pieces and then rebuilt me back up in 1212 words and you should read them both.

Apotheosis by Silvereye - deification and mytholigization of dead players is something i think about a lot in blaseball and few fics i’ve read explore it more succinctly than this one about Landry.

the valor i have won by marquis - okay, yes i know i keep saying this, but damn blink is another person where i genuinely could have picked SO many fics of theirs for this (cough go read roots) but when it came down to it i had to go with this one. i’ve read it like. at least three times and it’s been like a shot through the heart for each and every one. it’s the story of don mitchell in the seasons leading up to his vaulting and it’s devastating in all the right ways.

the downswing by waveridden - y’all know what i’m about to say– there’s so many fics i could have chosen but ultimately a year on i still love this fic so much and it still informs how i think about blooddrain to this day. SUCH an excellent fic if you can handle the gore.

Letters at the End of the World by athenadykes - pretty much what the title implies. heartbreaking, devastating, perfection.

all in, palms out, by Flavortext - man listen i think about this fic, okay? what a wonderful piece about how knight triumphant’s relationships have changed and shifted leading up to blaseball and it just really gets me.

that which you cannot kill by Lenasai - a twine fic that makes excellent use of the form and made me care about the wyatts, which is no small feat.

The Graveyard Shift. by theclowne - pedro davids being the one unalted go crab left is a fact that kills me and man does this fic ever hammer that fact home in a way that is simultaneously hopeful and devastating.

you are sundae by porcupine (jetset) - man oh man this fic. it’s about all three sundaes (roscoe of the wings, vess of the worms, and tamsie of the pre-history crabs) and it is fascinating and devastating and just stunningly good writing.

Flames To Sun To Shadows by Awesome_Sauce432 - have you ever wanted to learn about the wondrousness that is kaj statter jr? this is THE fic for you. 20k of just genuine fun and delight and incredible character study. 

eloise butterworth breaks the world by cyndakip - sc03 makes another appearance!! again, just a truly intriguing exploration of the bugs that happened that circuit with some delightful characterization to wrap it up.

drift by baliset - okay first i feel like i need to give an honorary shoutout to lucky people because that fic made sob, but continuing the theme of exploration of bugs, this is all about shaquille torres dying during the grand unslam and how that might have gone and man it is just so good.

the many lives of zack sanders by dasyuridae - okay yes this is unfinished and yes i am biased because dasy is my very good friend but you should read it regardless because this is THE zack fic for me i adore her so greatly.

last but not least there’s this quiz by barry. not a fic in the traditional sense but one of my favourite pieces of blaseball fanwork period you have to give it a shot

[academicdisasterfic]

tag game for every day of the week

thanks for tagging me @saintgarbanzo. i stole your format and tried very hard to make my answers as cute as yours.

relationship status very loved in all ways

favourite food any & all kinds of pasta, chana masala, dumplings, chocolate, berries, citrus-based desserts, slow cooked aubergine, massaman curry, anything from my new cookbook.

favourite colour forest green

song stuck in your head charlie by mallrat “i just might love you forever//i hope you warm up to me”

last thing you googled tool puns

time 4.53pm

dream trip so many!!!! currently planning a trip to the states to see my favourite people. also iceland. ireland. peru. japan. morocco. everywhere.

last book you read/enjoyed husband material by alexis hall. the best queerest ending ever. i loved it so much.

last book you hated reading hmmm this hasn't happened for a while. i did try reading a court of thorns and roses a couple of years ago and couldn't get past the first 50 pages.

favourite thing to cook/bake i love making anything hearty and filling for people i love. i love making bread and cookies and breakfast pastries. i worked in an Indian restaurant during uni and learned a lot; i love making dal makhani, aloo baingan, peshwari naan, a lot of vegetarian dishes i had there. i'll make pasta any day of the week.

favourite craft to do i'm not big on crafting! i spend most of my creative energy writing.

most niche dislikes really just the usual autistic things; big crowds, weird textures, loud noises. i cannot stand the texture of anything that sticks to my mouth? i tried to eat a cheese scone this morning and had to nope it.

opinion on circuses very cool if animal-cruelty free

do you have a sense of direction and if not what’s the worst way you’ve gotten lost? no sense of direction. i was late to a job interview because i walked around the block three times trying to find the building.

last song you listened to little of your love by haim

last show you watched killing eve

currently watching killing eve. i am halfway through season 4 and i don't want it to end so i'm stretching it out as much as my willpower allows

currently reading yerba buena by nina lacour

current obsessions tahini. my seven houseplants (only two of them might be dying). my sweetie.

tagging @wolfpants @tackytigerfic @cavendishbutterfly @pennygalleon @sorrybutblog @nv-md @lqtraintracks @callmegri @moonstruckwytch

[musical-shit-show]

could have danced all night

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader Inspiration: Prompts #2 (“apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”) #14 (“when i’m not with you, it’s almost like…i can’t breathe.”) and #41 (“i may or may not have left some…marks.”) Warnings: sexual references, kissing, meddling siblings, fluffy fluff Word Count: 3,733 Author’s Note: This is my first request! Big shout out to @acmbooksandfilm​ for sending this in, I had a lot of fun writing it. Also, apologies on it taking a bit to get out, writing has gotten difficult as my real adult job has slowly turned my brain to mush. But, if you would still like to send in a request, feel free! My DMs and Askbox is always open, even though it may take a little longer to complete requests. And as always, check out my Masterlist, About Me page, and Prompt Lists. Thanks for all the love on my other one shots and enjoy!

“Colin, enough,” Benedict huffed as he threw on his shiny black tailcoat, “Surely you have better things to do than pester me about my love life.” Anthony, Benedict, and Colin often crossed paths when getting ready for the numerous events of the season, and now the younger Bridgerton brother was doing everything to get on his elder sibling’s last nerve.

“I’m merely pointing out the obvious, Benedict,” Colin said smugly, straightening his cravat as he looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t help but flash a mischievous smile at his reflection, “Practically everyone in the ton knows about you two, what’s the harm in proposing?”

“What on God’s green earth are you two talking about?” Anthony strode into the room, closing the door in the likely event that Colin said something inappropriate and scandalized one of their younger sisters or, heaven forbid, their mother.

Benedict couldn’t help but flush. Yes, he was close enough with his brothers to discuss all matters surrounding women, but it felt wrong for him to talk about you. Especially when your relationship wasn’t meant to be any sort of relationship whatsoever.

It had started out innocently enough; you had been close with his younger sister Eloise and Penelope Featherington for years, acting as surrogate older sister on account of you being several years older than them. You were also friendly with Daphne and Simon Bassett, and often had tea with the pair when they weren’t off performing their duties as the Duke and Duchess of Hastings.

In truth, you knew Benedict the least out of the Bridgertons who had or were close to coming of age, and was shocked when he requested to have his name written on your dance card at the first ball of the season. When it came time to dance, you had expected Benedict to act shy at first; but after some coaxing from you, he won you over almost instantly with his wit and humor.

He only asked to dance with you once more at that particular event, not wanting to be improper. However, it was clear from the way the two of you looked at each other that there was a spark.

“No one,” Benedict said, almost too quickly, “Our brother is just sticking his nose into affairs that aren’t his own, as usual.” Anthony rolled his eyes, thoroughly unamused by his younger siblings’ bickering. The three of them strode down the stairs of their home and seized a carriage so that the conversation could continue in private.

“So…” Colin drawled, “It is an affair, then?”

“You know that’s not what I meant at all.”

“A slip of the tongue, perhaps? You know, brother, you must choose your words more carefully—"

“Mark my words, Colin Bridgerton; I will kill you in this very carriage if—”

“Will the two of you, please,” Anthony huffed, feeling a migraine coming on, “Benedict, is this about who I think it is about…?” Colin nodded fervently, but Benedict remained stone-faced. He hated keeping things from his family, especially his brothers. But he couldn’t risk tarnishing your name, not after what had transpired between you two.

It wasn’t meant to happen. When Benedict had snuck off one night to another one of Sir Granville’s soirées, he was shocked to see you there, wearing a tightly-laced corset, undergarments, and practically nothing else. As soon as you saw him, your eyes widened to the size of your mother’s best teacup saucers. Without thinking, you grabbed him and pulled him into the nearest empty room.

“Benedict, wha—what are you doing here?!” he remembered you asking him, utterly flustered. His eyes drifted to the sheer robe draped over your shoulders, the fabric floating gently with your every movement.

“I could very well ask you the same question!” he attempted to whisper, now distracted by how your corset pushed up your bosom considerably, “How do you even know about these, um, parties?” For a moment, you hesitated, unsure of what to say as Benedict’s pale blue eyes bore into yours.

You sighed, resigning to come clean, “Genevieve—Madame Delacroix—she told me about them. I confided in her about my father’s money troubles,” you felt the tears start to well up, but could not bear to cry in front of Benedict in the state you found yourself in, “I barely have any money for a dowry to find a suitable husband, and Genevieve and Sir Granville are familiar so…I work when I can and just make the guests feel comfortable—you know, offer them drinks, tobacco, the like—but I provide nothing more than hospitality.”

You felt that you needed to make that distinction to Benedict. Though you suspected that any chance with him was gone now that he had discovered your secret, you wanted to at least maintain part of your reputation, “Granville is generous enough and I could not be more grateful,” you continued, pulling the nearly translucent robe tightly around your body, “And these parties are so secretive that I thought, perhaps, I could scrounge enough money together before the end of the season before I was discovered. Clearly not.”

You couldn’t help but laugh dryly, but Benedict stared at you, his expression earnest, “You need not worry about that,” he breathed, “I won’t tell a soul.” You absentmindedly bit your bottom lip, chewing nervously on a bit of broken skin. Could he really be trusted? Yes, you had crossed paths over the last few weeks, exchanging pleasantries and the occasional flirtatious glance, but would Benedict be able to keep your secret?

“Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton,” you replied coyly, deciding that you didn’t have a choice in the matter, “Perhaps I will be able to repay you one day.” A sly smile spread across Benedict’s face, his eyes flickering to the locked door. Though the party was continuing on the other side, you two had remained virtually undisturbed.

Feeling bold, he traced his fingers over your collarbone, instantly sending a chill down your spine, “Perhaps…you could repay me now?” he posited, trying his best not to sound like a complete and utter rake, “Only if you wish to, of course.” Despite your best efforts, you could feel a palpable spark that had been building between the two of you over the past few weeks. And you had grown tired of restraining your impulses any longer.

Gently, you placed a soft kiss on his lips. Your eyes fluttered shut and Benedict cupped your face with his hand, his grip surprisingly tender. His free arm wrapped around your body smoothly, pulling you flush against him. You frantically thought through the consequences of someone discovering you with a Bridgerton, but you were too preoccupied with removing Benedict’s clothing to pay much mind…

“Benedict!” Anthony snapped his younger brother out of his reverie as the carriage slowed to a stop, “Would you get your head out of the clouds and tell me what’s going on?” Benedict stared at him, utterly panic stricken. He had kept your secret for nearly a month now, and during that time the two of you had gotten even closer, both in the eyes of the ton and after nightfall in your bedchamber.

Benedict’s mind almost drifted to the night he had shared with you only hours before, but focused on the task at hand, “You needn’t worry your pretty little head, brother,” he said coolly, “I have it all under control.” Anthony looked as if he were going to be sick, and Colin smiled with devilish glee. The three brothers clamored out of the carriage and made their way into the bustling ballroom, more of their family trailing close behind.

Benedict could hear Eloise whine as Lady Bridgerton attempted to smooth down her hair, and he felt a small pang of guilt for not coming to his sister’s aid against their mother’s incessant prodding. But now, he had more pressing matters at hand; namely, what in the hell he was going to say to you now that his brothers were onto him.

He spotted you from across the hall, his heart fluttering with every step he took in your direction. He noticed that you were wearing an intricately laced shawl that was tied tightly across your chest, completely covering your collarbone and much of your breast. Benedict felt himself frown slightly, then immediately scold himself for being improper at a society function; surely, you need not show your bosom to the entire ton in order to draw the eye of him and a number of other suitors.

You were conversing with Penelope and Lady Featherington when he finally approached you, eyes wide with fear, “Hello,” he said politely, giving a slight nod to Penelope and her mother, “Is there a spot open for my name on your card?” You quirked an eyebrow, giving him a smirk as you removed the card from your wrist.

“Why of course, Mr. Bridgerton,” you replied in an equally cordial manner. Heaven forbid Portia Featherington get a whiff of your affair; you’d be certain your name would be splashed across Lady Whistledown’s pamphlet before you’d wake the next morning, “In fact, you are the first gentleman to ask, so you may have the first dance. If you are not otherwise engaged, that is.” He shook his head and his eyes gleamed as he returned your card to your delicately gloved hand.

Despite his anxiety being astronomically high, Benedict was delighted that he was able to dance with you so early in the evening. He always thought of you as a fluid dancer, light on your feet as the two of you would glide across the ballroom. He often found himself not being able to take his eyes off you, the lively music and judgmental crowd fading away the moment he embraced you.

More importantly, he wanted to speak to you about the precarious situation you found yourselves in. It was only a matter of time until either Anthony or Colin pried the truth out of him, and he wouldn’t let the news spread across all of London society, besmirching your good name. He cared about you too much to allow such a wretched thing to happen.  

A few moments later, all of the couples were signaled that the first dance was to begin. Benedict shot a glance to Colin, who had been talking Anthony’s ear off since they arrived. Now, the two of them were staring him down, whispering like schoolboys. He refrained from scoffing and instead took your hand gently, pulling you into his tall frame as the music began.

You instantly noticed the nervous and almost pained expression splashed across Benedict’s face, and you furrowed your brow in worry. However, you decided your best course of action was to try and alleviate the tension he must’ve been feeling, “I see you haven’t taken a liking to my shawl,” you remarked, a sly smile dancing on your lips, “I will have to tell my sister she has dreadful taste.”

Benedict ripped his eyes from his brothers’ stares and produced a small chuckle at your teasing. He realized he’d much rather converse with you than worry about what Anthony and Colin were up to, “No, it’s uh—it is, quite lovely,” he countered, lowering his voice, “Though I would prefer to see more of you, of course.” You raised an eyebrow, impressed by his boldness.

“I believe you saw plenty last night, Mr. Bridgerton,” you posited, weaponizing his own name against him, “In fact, I suppose you could blame yourself for my more…conservative attire, wouldn’t you agree?”

Benedict couldn’t help but flush, but cleared his throat to attempt to keep up with your rather scandalous banter, “Yes, well…I suppose…” he stuttered, “I may or may not have left some…marks.” He spun you, watching as your dress moved gracefully around your body and fluttered behind you as you gripped his arm once more.

You searched the panicked expression on his face. Surely, he only knew you were teasing, so why did he look like he was on the brink of sickness? “Benedict, why are you acting so strange?” you asked, attempting to keep the mood light while searching for information, “You’re not falling in love with me, are you?”

Benedict swallowed, attempting to maintain his composure. Besides the looming threat of every affluent family in Mayfair uncovering your secret, he was also painfully aware of how nervous you had been making him over the past weeks. The way your smile lit up every room, the way your eyes sparkled playfully, the way your laugh made his heart do a somersault.

“It’s just as well,” you continued, not waiting for him to answer your rhetorical question, “I overheard Colin and Pen whispering earlier, and Simon and Daphne as well. Apparently, all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.” He sighed, a little relieved that you had caught onto his family’s shenanigans before he worried you unnecessarily. He couldn’t help but appreciate your perceptive nature.

“Believe me, Colin and Daphne may be my siblings, but they are not my friends right now,” he joked nervously, only half-kidding, “And Anthony is on dangerously thin ice. It appears my family can’t help but get involved in matters that do not concern them.” You giggled, causing Benedict’s heart to swell. He was growing more infatuated with you by the second.

“I wish my family cared half as much as yours does,” you say, a twinge of sadness in your voice, “They are all so wonderful, and I’m sure they are just being protective.” Benedict nodded, heartened by the kindness and understanding you were showing to his siblings. You already got along quite well with Eloise and Daphne, and you were always courteous to his mother while still being able to hold your own when conversing with Anthony or Colin.

As the dance came to an end, Benedict had begun to realize his affection for you. Not just physically; yes, your first encounter at Sir Granville’s had brought you two together faster than he had ever expected. It was reckless, intimate, and completely wonderful, but getting to know you, without dozens of uppity members of high society leering at your every move, was more valuable than any nights you had spent together.

And he decided in that moment, as your hand released from his and you both bowed respectfully, that he could not bear to spend one more day without you by his side. But he could not profess his love in front of God and everyone, least of all his family; he quickly surmised that he must wait until a moment presented itself.

You were quickly whisked away by your mother, unable to even say a proper thank you and goodbye. But as your eyes met his blue ones, you couldn’t help but notice how they were sparkling in the candlelight, and you felt a twinge of melancholy. You cared for Benedict, but feared it was only a matter of time before your affair ended and he was married to another disgustingly wealthy aristocrat. You gave him a fleeting smile before getting dragged to the other side of the ballroom.

As you turned away from him, Benedict felt two hands grasping each of his arms, one hand belonging to each of his meddling brothers, “I knew it!” Colin whisper-yelled as he and Anthony pulled their love-struck sibling into a secluded corner of the lavish hall, “You know, you really aren’t fooling anyone, Ben.”

“How do you mean?” Benedict asked nervously in one last ditch effort to conceal the truth. He shouldn’t have bothered; his brothers had seen how smitten he was with you, and soon the entire ton would be abuzz with salacious gossip if he did not make his move that very evening.

“Benedict,” Anthony chided sternly, clapping him on the shoulder, “Please, do not deny it any longer. You’re clearly bewitched.” The eldest Bridgerton child could not help but smirk; it was almost entertaining to see his usually guarded brother so obviously in love.

Benedict sighed, defeated, “Alright,” he whispered, his face flush with embarrassment, “I apologize for thinking I could ever keep a secret from you two.” Colin smirked proudly, feeling as if he were London’s greatest detective, “I’ll tell you everything if you want, but for the love of Christ, it cannot be here.” He gestured to the room, which was growing more crowded with preening mamas, hunting for the slightest whiff of a scandal.

While Benedict and his brothers searched for a private room for him to regale your escapades, your night flew by, and hours later you found yourself chatting with Daphne and Simon on the gorgeously decorated outdoor terrace. The night was perfectly temperate, and although the noise had died down significantly as many guests had departed for the evening, your head was still swimming in thought. Specifically, you were overwhelmed by the thought of Benedict.

He was quite kind to you, and a very smart, charming gentleman, but you felt your heart lurch as you recalled the intimate nights you had shared over the last few weeks. Men of Benedict’s status would not wed a tainted woman, no matter how much you wished he would. It was only a matter of time before Lady Whistledown revealed your transgressions, and you would be marked as an undesirable to the entire upper echelon of society.

You shuddered at the thought. “Chilly, dear?” Daphne asked sweetly, noticing the unsettled look on your face, “I would think you’d be more protected from the elements with that beautiful shawl on.” Your heart jumped to your throat before you could cover for yourself; Benedict had appeared on the terrace, looking absolutely petrified. Simon and Daphne exchanged glances.

“Darling,” Simon said, turning to his wife, “It is quite crisp out here, don’t you think? Perhaps we should—”

“Go inside to warm up?” Daphne finished his sentence, that unmistakably mischievous glint in her eye that all Bridgerton children possessed, “Why yes, I think that is a fantastic idea, Simon.” She hooked her arm under her husband’s, and the two of them bid you and Benedict adieu, much to your dismay. You were certain he had been found out by his family and was here to end your affair before word reached the rest of the ton.

Still, you managed to smile politely. Simon was right, there was a slight chill that pervaded the terrace, mostly due to the lack of company that had populated the space only hours before, “Hello, Benedict,” you mutter, shifting your weight from one heeled foot to the other, “Will you be departing soon or—?”

“Erm, yes,” he answered a bit too quickly, and you raised an eyebrow. His strange behavior all night was another indicator that ending things was clearly as difficult for him to initiate as it would be for you to accept, “But first, I, well, I need to tell you something. Something I probably should have told you weeks ago.”

You felt a lump in your throat almost instantaneously. ‘Here it comes,’ you thought, more distressed than you hoped you would be. Benedict took your gloved hand, rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. If it were not slightly improper, you would almost find it comforting; his touch always seemed to soothe you, ever since your first night together.

“I never expected to…for us to become so close in such a short period of time,” he began, wondering at what point in this silly speech he would make a royal ass out of himself. Though he had gained a little brotherly insight from Anthony and Colin, he still felt as though he could vomit at any second, “And, well, truth be told, I have enjoyed every moment we have spent together.”

You smiled, pleased by his kind words, “Truthfully, I have felt the same,” you remarked, “But it’s quite alright, Ben, I understand—”

“You do?” he cut you off again, a bead of sweat forming on his brow, “Am I really so obvious about my affection for you?” You stared at him, confused. Was this not him ending whatever…relationship the two of you shared? Now you felt like the fool.

“Affection?” you repeated, your mouth twitching, “I thought you did not want to see me anymore.” Benedict’s eyes widened, and he couldn’t help but laugh dryly. You had mistaken his jittery behavior as a bad omen, when that could not be further from reality.

He shook his head, and you felt the pace of your heartbeat quicken, “My dear, I think there’s been a slight misunderstanding,” he joked, clearing his throat, “I know that our relationship has been a secret for some time, but I cannot hide how I feel for you any longer. You are kind, and witty, and strong, and incredibly adventurous, and when our dance came to an end earlier this evening, I…I felt like there was a part of me missing as soon as you left. I…when I’m not with you, it’s almost like…I can’t breathe.”

Your breath hitched in the back of your throat, taken aback by his doting and earnest words. “And it would be my honor,” he smiled, his gaze intense and impassioned, “If I could ask for your hand.” Your eyes sparkled back at his, and you nodded silently, attempting to conceal a squeal of girlish glee. You two were still, unfortunately, in public.

“Yes,” you exhaled, feeling foolish from your assumptions about Benedict only minutes before, “I would be equally honored to be your wife, Benedict Bridgerton.” You snuck him a quick kiss on his cheek, causing him to flush for what was probably the hundredth time that night, “I see our friends were right after all, weren’t they?”

“Yes, yes they were, and I doubt I will ever hear the end of it from Anthony and Colin,” Benedict mused, smiling sweetly as the corners of his eyes crinkled happily, “I’ll see to a proper visit first thing tomorrow morning, I promise.” He studied you, doing all he could to absorb the joyous look etched upon your radiant face. You smirked, turning in the direction of your family’s carriage.

“I shall hold you to that,” you said, pulling him towards the exit, “But don’t think this night is over, Mr. Bridgerton. I’m not done with you quite yet.”

-----------

I hope you enjoyed reading! As always I would love to hear any comments or feedback! Like/comment/reblog, all that good stuff :)