#neither im the gay who can do math

[butchviking]

I get what that person is saying but I don't think men experience "misogyny". I think it's related to misogyny and it's related to homophobia but can't properly be called either.

Patriarchal cultures are like a cult or religion of male supremacy, utterly obsessed with propagating themselves. That is why they control women brutally as they literally control the propagation of human life. But culturally, they are also obsessed with creating men that can make more men like themselves. There's different molds for different cultures of course and with different acceptable "types" of men even within the same culture (ie being gentle is unmanly, BUT you can be gentle if you make up for it by being violent through rhetoric and community function - think of Priests or otherwise "gentle" seeming very religious men, and how for them it's interpreted as being "dignified" in a way it wouldn't fly for other men). So while there's some room for variation, there's still a strict sort math involved for how unmanly you're allowed to be, and a strong artificial upbringing to mold boy as much as possible.

So going back. That process of molding is what she's getting at. It's not that men experience "misogyny" or that straight people experience "homophobia". Rather patriarchy needs to mold boys into men capable and willing to carry out misogyny, homophobia, and other cruelty to perpetuate itself, and they most certainly are willing to abuse boys just enough to make sure they get those results - if not by directly changing that boy, then by teaching other boys by example what sort of behavior deserves cruelty. And there's an in-built cultural anxiety at people outside of these roles, and even a panic response to them in children. This is why say, even conservative women react violently and urgently to something like their little boy wanting a butterfly face paint instead of something manly. It's a panic response!

Anyway this is just my two cents as a moid, sorry for the essay v_v ... but I think misogyny and homophpbia proper really have to be preserved to define the experiences of people who strictly do experience that on a life-long and systemic basis. But idk certainly thought provoking...

i think it relies upon one being mistaken for the other. a straight man can experience homophobia, i do know that - some guys beating on him for looking like a fag aren't going to stop when he insists "you've got it all wrong! im not actually gay!!" and i do also know that males can experience misogyny, if they're perceived as female - and that does happen to "cis" men too. a lot of ppl have called this "misdirected homophobia" & "misdirected misogyny" in the past but when i was talking abt this last i was arguing that the "misdirected" is kind of neither here nor there. it's happening, misdirected or not. they won't ever experience the full weight of those marginalisations - even the campest straight guy in the world can still marry his wife, and the most female-passing transwoman you'll ever meet will never need an abortion - but they can absolutely still experience facets.

the thing i thought was most interesting in that post was the thought of the straight teen still figuring out their sexuality & internalising the homophobia they recieve bc they think they MIGHT be gay... in a way thats still a case of one being mistaken for the other, but in an internal rather than external way. they're experiencing homophobia externally bc someone else has mistaken them for gay, and experiencing it internally bc they have mistaken themselves for gay. but some day they figure out that they're not actually gay after all - what does that experience leave behind in them? (listen to frank iero barriers to find out)

what ur talking about i would just call gender socialisation. gender is a system constructed for the purpose of misogyny, it's the framework of patriarchy, but i wouldn't argue that men experiencing negative aspects of gender socialisation & enforcement are experiencing misogyny. those are distinctly different.

[lesbianwillbond]

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL tell me everything what did u wear did u have a good day are u near ur gf ?????

THANK YOUUU uhhh i don’t have a photo of my fit and i’m already changed out of it i wore this ⬇️

day was alright i have math in the morning which wasn’t bad i have a teacher who i’ve never had before which is scary i only trust my grade 10/11 teacher to teach me math but she seems alright and the material isn’t too bad and i’m not sitting next to a hockey kid or a puck bunny so that’s good i’m next to someone i had drama w last year so i know her and she’s quiet so 10/10!!

then i had lunch break kinda boring except for louis album and single announcement!!!!!!!! hung out in the science centre which is actually kinda cold i had to put a hoodie on then religion was. ugh. longest 3 hours of my LIFEEEE you don’t understand. spent the first hour doing shitty introduction games as if i need to know anyones names we literally played a game where we stand in a circle and repeat everyone’s names we did it in drama last year but it wasn’t bad last year bc there was ljke 15 people in the class i have THIRTY FIVE people in my religion class to that in and of itself took like 45 minutes then we spent the rest of class going over like course outlines. part of grade 12 religion is doing 40 hours of community service so we have 3 weeks in the middle of the quarter where we don’t go to class and instead we do that so i’m looking forward to that i wanna volunteer at my elementary school. i got to sit next to someone who seems kinda chill actually kinda seems like a tiktok gay who thinks like omnisexual is a thing but it’s not overbearing so slay. i think they’re the only other queer person in that class so it’s at least mildly bearable bc of that

NO IM NOWHERE NEAR MY GF i told you how my school has two campuses well both my classes are on the west campus and both hers are on the east campus and it’s not like i can just pop over say hey at lunch naur it’s like a half hour drive just to get from one campus to the other and my lunch is only 55 minutes so like i could never go over there it’s so sad i wanna kill myself kind of but i didn’t. sigh.

overall it was alright. neither of my teachers allows phones OR airpods in class so i suffer but i manage 😔 ALSO ON THE WAY HOME I WAS LITERALLY A BLOCK FROM HOME AND REALIZED I FORGOT MY WAYER BOTTLE AT SCHOOL I KILL MYSELF NOW

[da1lywh0r3]

things I need to do today: work out if each person who died from covid in england was one second of bohemian rhapsody (the song not the film),,, how many times would it have to play

[care--bear]

some hc for creek

ok so im in love with this ship for months and here are some thoughts of mine on it

so tweek is a chunky boy. let me tell yall, c h u n k i. like, not like chubby but like yea, he’s got a masculine body ig. craig has a slimmer body, he’s a little bit taller, like....tweek (18) is 5′ 9″, so average, while craig is 6 ft, a bit on the taller side. he’s very toned, and he’s got very nice shoulders for a reason.

when they were small, like 10 or 11, tweek was always a bit shorter, and craig was taller, but in highschool they kinda middled out. 

tweek has fair skin, but......he has a farmer’s tan sometimes......but dont tell anyone he’s insecure about it. craig has like, medium? colured skin, just a tiny bit darker than tweek’s, and he’s got some little moles on his shoulders and his back, which are honestly super cute.

tweek has baby blue eyes, craig has dark brown/brown eyes, neither of them has particularly pretty eyes, but craig has a slight esotropia, so it always kind of looks like he’s looking at a butterfly that’s landed on his nose, and tweek finds this endearing.

kind of like this but milder.

none of them have freckles, but tweek gets a blush on his cheeks and neck when he’s embarassed or experiencing a strong emotion.

they dont strike me like the gay™ couple, more like The two guys in the background who hold hands kind of couple, ya knowww

craig is logical, tweek is more emotional, but they’re both very smart, tweek loves english and history while craig science and math

tweek hates art with a passion, he thinks it’s f r u s t r a t i n g, grr

the aren’t a very touchy couple, like at all, i mean they hold hands and whatnot but nothing more. jkjkjk,,,partially..tweek doesnt fucking know waht he wants and he always kinda feels uncomfortable, so he’s always so confused on what he wants, but ill talk about this later, craig on the other hand LOVES affection, he’s suuuuper cuddly, its just that at first he was too shy to admit it to tweek. 

craig is a momma’s boy and nobody can tell me otherwise. do you wanna try? bam, i just killed you bitch fck you. i mean, your’re just gonna tell me that he doesnt bitch about everything that happened at school with his mom? and that he doesnt love getting tucked itn by his momma every night? and that he doesnt lift his cheek so his mom remembers to kiss his cheek and then cuddles in his pillows with his space money peluche every night? fuck you.

i think that tweek already knew that he liked boys and craig too, but he was so scared that he always denied his feelings, to the point that he almost convinced himself of not being gay.

neither of them strikes me like a feminine boy, but craig fur sure loved playing dressup with his sister. when they were very young, 7 and 5, they would do little skits or like fashion shows in front of their parents and they wouldnt mind.

craig has a button nose, tweek has a greek nose, craig’s face is softer, tweek’s is more....idk like he’s got high cheekbones and a defined jay, but still pretty soft.

craig’s parents are amazing, he’s very open to them. 

tweek on the other hand.....has a complicated relationship with them. i’m still not sure if they put meth in his coffee, but they are in general very distant with him, so this caused long term problems to arise in the future, especially for the lack of motherly figure. e. g. he’s never had affection so he always feels uncomfortable when people try to touch him etc. this is one of the biggest problems that tweek and craig have to work on. another example is the extreme lack of trust in people. 

if they actually did put meth in his coffee, i guess he would have had a stroke very young and experienced a lot of traumatic things that could scar him for a long time. damn that’s really... harsh...it’s too long, i’ll make another post where ill talk about it better.

they do cuddle, but never in public, they jsut dont feel comfortable.

they both g a y. and no, thomas is super straight and ghosted craig when he tried to hold his hand. and i totally totally totally dont hate thomas

[geffenrecords]

Goodmorning hope your wrist gets better :((

Ik your main is creek but opinion on Stan x kyle? (I just woke up idk what to ask ok)

thank u i do too and also bro.....this asks a banger i never talk abt style and i should highkey i actually rlly like them

stan and kyle are.....so inch resting.......like fr. stan relies So Much on kyle [like in guitar queer-o and assburgers] but kyle seems to be able to be perfectly okay without stan, albeit a little disappointed but he doesnt get as wrecked over it as stan does.

im a sucker for best friends 2 lovers like......thts so good maybe its bc i used to always have a crush on my best friends but goddamn......the soft looks and the way they always grab onto to each.....the domestic affection. oh my god im going to eat drywall.

stan and kyle love each other very much even if they never really say it but.....[stephen king voice] He Knew Well Enough.

they always reach out for each other when they get scared and grab onto each others jackets like the instant comfort of tht fabric......ooooooo the symbolism there hehe.

stan is definitely like. head over heels for kyle. like he is So In Love.....and kyle is kinda too but he doesnt really register it? neither does stan he and wendy try dating but it just ends up as that one scene from the movie i cant remember where they kiss and stans like yeah i think i have a crush on kyle and wendys like thts okay i think i like girls......and like good for them 🍷

but like kyle and stan are literally insufferable. i mean like honest 2 god intolerable lol. kyles a pretentious little prick who pisses people off without even trying bc hes such a smartass like we get it....ur in advanced math now stfu.......and stan is literally like Wow. Look At Him. like stan pls.

stan does so much shit to try and impress kyle like he really does. craig figures this out bc stan will actively Fight him if hes in a Mood and and craig literally does not care but he'll dare stan to do anything when kyles around bc he knows theyll do it. and it works everytime.

craigs like man i bet no one would go into the pond to grab that soccer ball :/// and before kenny can even volunteer stan is already speeding over there and craig is in tears watching him go up to his waist in the shitty water and kyles literally not even watching. hes reading off to the side but it amuses craig to no end hes the worst i hate him.

but also like. kyle and stan r literally just two little dudes. like theyre just some little guys so they do a bunch of stuff together but always end up so flustered. like they wrestle a lot and stan will pin kyle down and be like HA!!!! >:-) and then gets so embarrassed bc oh my god hes so close and hes holding him and oh my god his face is bright red.....and kyle will watch stan so Softly when stan like rambles abt mcr or some shit.....stan glances over at him and they both end up so embarrassed like wtf !?!?!?!?! gay ppl shit lol.

[moonrainbowfish]

Hi! can i please get a harry potter golden trio and It 2017 matchup(romantic please)

im a gay asexual demiboy and use he/they pronouns.

personality: I’m somewhat quiet and reserved at first but once I’m comfortable w/ someone I can be pretty extroverted. Sometimes i get pretty mad but not super often. I like to think that I’m pretty funny lmao. I can be kinda rude sometimes, i make some mean jokes usually not even realizing and I kinda lack empathy but I think I’m a little more blunt than rude

Appearance: im 5’4, kinda chubby, im black but more brown skinned, and i have short curly hair its like a kinda grown-out fade ig

Hobbies: cooking, baking, and art

Likes: music, math, anime, horror movies, winter, and scented candles

What I want in a partner: I would like someone who wouldn’t mind giving me lots of hugs, holding my hand, kisses, and cuddling but also respecting my boundaries cause I sometimes don’t like being touched. honestly, I prefer someone clingy and protective.

extras: Intp, 5w4, 549, true neutral/neutral evil, fav color is green, love lang is physical touch and quality time, big three: virgo sun, libra moon, taurus rising

thank you!!

Harry Potter:

I ship you with: Ron Weasley!

He loves how you are so honest and never sugarcoat anything. He really appreciates having a blunt partner

To him you're one of the most funniest people he's ever met in his life and the two of you sometimes could spend hours telling each other jokes

Ron is not the best at cooking, or baking and sometimes it ends in a catastrophe, but with you he enjoys doing it. And everything you cook/bake for him, he eats up in only a few minutes. Ron really does love food, especially your cooking

While your temper and his own can certainly clash at times, it's sometimes the best to it take out and talk about it, instead of holding your feelings in and Ron always makes sure to apologize after every argument you have, and most of the time they are pretty harmless, but do happen everyonce in a while

I have this headcanon, that Ron loves to cuddle and especially with you, his beloved partner. He enjoys wrapping his arms around you protectively and holding you close to him, but he'd also always respect your boundaries.

It 2017:

I ship you with: Richie Tozier!

Richie hadn't really noticed you before until he saw you one day in class and immediately fell head over heels for you. You could say it was love at first sight

Most of the time he saw you being rather quiet and in your own world, and he knew under all that layers, you were quite outgoing and he was down for the challenge to see that extroverted side of yours

Now the both of you love cracking jokes and seeing who can make the other laugh the most. And while both of your jokes can be pretty mean sometimes, neither of you really seemed to care, because you were just having some fun

Richie loves spending quality time with you. He always enjoys hanging out with you. Doing math homework together, watching an anime, or horror movie with you, while having some snacks, playing his favourite video games together, you name it...

Richie isn't the most affectionate, nor touchy person, but for you he's always ready to hold your hand in his, give you kisses, or even cuddle you. He treasures you so much!

I hope you like it! Thanks for requesting!

xoxo

-Freya

[cake-in-a-tin]

welcome to our mayhem

hi! Welcome to my first attempt at a text fic, idk how good it ‘tis, but let me know what you think! (lils-Lily, burgerz-Mary, queen-Marlene, wonderland gurl-Alice, dork-Dorcas)

tHe BaEs

Lils: yo dudes

Burgerz: waddup

Lils: imma add this girl who’s joining tomorrow if that’s ok - we’re old friends from like nursery

Queen: sure, is that dorcas meadowes ?

Queen: I think I’m her tour guide or some shit

Wonderland gurl: sorry I was sleeping

Wonderland gurl: what did I miss

Queen: wHaT dId I mIsS

Queen: hEaDfIrSt InTo A pOlItIcAl AbYsS

Burgerz: i been in paris meeting lotsa different ladayys

Wonderland gurl: I guess I practically missed the late eightaysss

Queen: travelled the whole wiiideee world and came back to this

Lils: pleeeeassse not again....

Lils: mar I thought you were on my side???

Queen: sorryyyyyy

Queen: I couldn’t resist it

Queen: it was perfect!

Wonderland gurl: it was indeed. I set you up fuckin perfectly u are very much welcome biatch

Burgerz: *slow claps in appreciation*

Lils: anyways imma add this girl now, she is dorcas mar and she’s lovely so be nice!

Lils added Dork

Lils: welcome to our mayhem love 

Dork: hii 

Lils: shall we all like introduce ourselves?

Queen: k, I’m first

Queen: hello, I am Marlene McKinnon, and I’m your stupid tour guide thing that Dumbledore thought was a good idea

Burgerz: hi, I’m Mary MacDonald (hence the name) and I’m very bad at maths, which is also my only personality trait

Wonderland gurl: hello there, my name is Alice Fortescue (don’t try and spell it it took me almost seven years of my life) and I have a fucked up sleep schedule tm

Lils: everyone knows me uwu 

Dork: okay, im Dorcas Meadowes, and I’m just a bi disaster haha

Queen: lol mood

Wonderland gurl: oh btw dorcas we are all lgbtq+ soo 

Dork: okay cool 

Queen: ya, I’m gay, lils is pan, mary is aroace and alice is queer

Wonderland gurl: yh I’m figuring it out but ik girls are pretty as well so :)

Dork: can relate lol

Wonderland gurl: I should probably sleep it’s school and I haven’t slept properly in like three fuckin daysss

Queen: gurrrrllllll omg u r gonna dieee tomorrow

Wonderland gurl: ik im scared and it’s only seven thirty but i will sleep like four and a half hours of that because I just watch netflix aaahh

Burgerz: just gooo Ali, otherwise u will regret everything

Wonderland gurl: k byeee bitchez

Lils: bye

Queen: bye love

Burgerz: cheerio

Dork: bye I think?

Lils: we're all a mess, u get used to it dw 

Lils: also Mary can u get anymore stereotypical British omg

Burgerz: I’m sorry babe it’s in my natureeee

Queen: lol

Queen: I ghibhjfyfvbss

Dork: r u ok?

Queen: a frickin moth bro 

Queen: it attacked me and I’m scared because I didn’t see where it went

Lils: I’m rooting for you love

Queen attached a video

Burgerz : omg I’m dyingggg your voicem u sound so scared

Queen: lmao I was scared for my life if I’m being honest 

Dork: ahahahaha I’m laughing out loud and my cat is just looking at me like wtf is wrong with you human

Queen: u have CAT???

Burgerz: you have a cat? I must see him

Queen: lol we are on the same wavelength haha

Burgerz: ✨soulmates✨ Burgerz: but like platonically lol

Dork: here is mouse

Dork attached a photo

Queen: vvffdyujcndh 

Queen: so fuckin adorable

Burgerz: I LOVE him

Lils: I’ve seen him before and I love him, but I don’t think I ever asked - why mouse?

Dork: lmao we just thought it would be ironic

Dork: also he’s never caught a mouse or anything else in his life because he’s too damn lazy

Queen: omg I relate to mouse so much lol

Dork: honestly same 

Lils: dudes we should probs sleep if we want to be beautiful for school

Queen: ugh sleep is so overrated 

Queen: but yeah...

Lils: bye xxx

Burgerz: adios 

Dork: byeee

Queen: see yall tomorrow

Private message: Lils + Queen

Queen: yo, quick question

Lils: shoot

Queen: what does dorcas look like?

Lils: ummm idk, why?

Queen: eh no reason

Lils: she’s black, short dark brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes

Queen: so cute?

Lils: hell yeh

Queen: oh god save me

Lils: yh u will need prayers

Queen: aaaahh 

Queen: well gn 

Lils: night xxx

tHe BaEs

Wonderland gurl: good morning!

Queen: no it is not

Lils: I’m dyingggg cancel schools pls

Wonderland gurl: I slept fuckin amazingly last night soooo :)))))))

Dork: hjeicnefskd 

Dork: I can’t 

Queen: oop me neither mornings are my least favourite thing ever 

Lils: uggghhhhhh 

Lils: sooo jealous of Mary

Dork: why?

Wonderland gurl: she lives rlly close to school so she wakes uo super late and just walks

Dork: wow luckyyyy

Lils: ikrrrr

Queen: I want to sleep

Wonderland gurl: no! remeber what happened last time you were late?

Queen: oh god don’t remind me

Dork: do I even want to know?

Queen: nkt really lol

Queen: lily u tell it I need to shower

Lils: okayyy

Lils: get ready for a fuckin wild ride babe

Lils: so, we have this teacher called McGonagall and she’s the single most terrifying yet amazing person ever to teach us

Wonderland gurl: and that’s saying something trust me

Lils: she’s pretty chill until u do something that pisses her off. And one thing that pisses her off is people being late. Marlene was late because she couldn’t get her lazy ass out of bed, and she came into form time like ten minutes after the bell rang. as you can imagine, McGonagall was not at all pleased at this, and proceeded to give mar a lecture in front of the whole class and then give her detention for a whole week. Before school.

Wonderland gurl: Marlene looked sooo tired the whole week

Dork: wow, that is ✨brutal✨ Dork: remind me never to be late

Lils: will do x

Wonderland gurl: we have to remind Marlene every once in a while of the ‘‘incident’ to motivate her to get out of bed

Queen: I’m back dudes 

Queen: so you see dorcas that is why I am never ever late anymore because that week was absolute hell I am not going through again.

Queen: ever

Dork: honestly I’m scared to meet this teacher lmao

Wonderland gurl: nah she’s actually soo nice unless you get on her bad side

Burgerz: heyyyy

Lils: maryyyy

Dork: hello!

Burgerz: so, everyone ready for school?

Queen: pretty much, I’m on the train rn

Lils: same, I’m opposite her

Dork: oooh I am also travelling by train I will try to find u guys 

Queen: we are right at the end, if I see you I will scream ‘cheese’ as loud as I can

Lils: noooooo please, can’t embarrassing us in public wait at least a day

Queen: nope

Dork: u don’t even know what I look like lmao

Queen: I will know

Lils attached a video file

Dork: lmao i was terrified

Queen: it worked though 

Wonderland gurl: I’m so glad I get the bus and don’t have to endure this

Burgerz: wow. How are you not embarrassed Marlene?

Queen: idk, I guess I don’t care what oriole think lol

Dork: rEsPeCt

Dork: also please never again

Private message: Lils + Dork

Dork: LILY WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME MARLENE WAS ACTUALLY SO BEAUTIFUL IM DYING 

Lils: lmao sorry

Private message: Lils + Queen

Queen: oh god u were right she’s so hot helppppp

Lils: I’m praying 4 u

hii! I hope that you liked this mess, I’m probably going to continue it, so yeah, let me know what you think?

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 18

This baby is 1 year old today... I feel old

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/58649161

"Nonno, please!" Feliciano begged for what felt like a thousandth time that day. Ever since he learned about his grandpa's trip to Germany, he has been dead set on joining him. "Please, you know how much I want to see Germany."

Grandpa Rome resisted. He had no idea how long he would be staying in Germany in the first place, not wanting Feliciano to be away from his brothers for a long time. Plus, he had no idea if his company would even allow Feliciano to come with him. That's just extra money for hotel and food they have to give. "No, Feliciano. Plain visiting Germany isn't a good enough reason for you to come with me."

"But you can say I'm your unpaid intern and it would be a good opportunity for me." Feliciano argued. "Please let me come, Nonno."

"We'll talk later." Was the response Grandpa Rome gave him every time. Usually that later lasted about two minutes.

Feliciano sighed, deciding that this was all he was going to keep getting no matter how much he tried. He walked over to the couch where his brother and Antonio were watching TV. Antonio held back the giggle at Feliciano's dejected face. "No luck?" He asked.

Grabbing the nearest pillow, Feliciano shoved his face into it, murmuring something Antonio didn't quite understand. "Sorry?" Feliciano removed the pillow just enough for Antonio to be able to understand him properly. "I want to see Ludwig." He repeated.

Lovino rolled his eyes. "Maybe that's for the best. Usually when people who met online meet in real life, it's a disaster. He might rob you and-" A pillow flew into Lovino's face. Feliciano's eyes looked unusually on edge lately, even more whenever Lovino badmouthed his friend. This, however, didn't stop Lovino. "If it's war you want, war you'll get." He threw the pillow back at Feliciano before jumping on him.

Antonio had made a quick escape from the battle of pillows and wrestling. A battle to the last feather, to the last standing hair on their heads, to the last inch of skin left without a bruise, to-

"I'm going out!" Someone spoke, interrupting their fight. Both Feliciano and Lovino stopped fighting in order to shoot deadly stares into the one who dared delay their match. It was only Romeo. And Lovino thought it was something important. He was dressed up unusually nice, though.

"Where are you going?" Antonio beat both of the boys to the question on their minds.

"Marie is giving me math instructions." Romeo simply said, making his way to the door, only to be stopped by Grandpa Rome.

"Marie? Who is that?" Grandpa Rome asked, a teasing smile framing his face. "Does little Romeo have a girlfriend? Your very own little Juliet?"

Romeo rolled his eyes, palms growing sweaty. "She's my friend and she's very impatient so I really need to go."

"Tell Marie I said hi!" Feliciano yelled from the couch where he was still trapped by Lovino.

"Will do." Romeo answered back.

"Yes, tell your girlfriend we all said hi." Grandpa Rome laughed as Romeo exited the house, shaking his head at his weird family.

"Who even is this Marie?" Lovino asked.

"His girlfriend obviously." Grandpa Rome answered.

"Young love... That's so nice." Antonio sighed.

"We're in love too, idiot." Lovino remarked.

"Sorry."

"She's not his girlfriend. He has known her about as long as I know Ludwig." Feliciano chimed in, surprising everyone.

"You know her?" Lovino asked.

"Who is Ludwig?" Grandpa Rome asked.

"Feli, are you okay down there?" Antonio, the sensible one, asked.

"Peachy." Feliciano answered as Lovino finally stepped off from him so he could get comfortable on the couch. When everything was finally settled, they all gathered around him, Feliciano asked. "If I tell you what I know about her, will you let me come to Germany with you, Nonno?"

Whines and sighs came clashing together at Feliciano who smirked at his brain being a genius once in a while. He awaited his answer, unwilling to share his knowledge unless he got an approval.

"Feli, that's blackmailing." Antonio chimed in first.

"Really? This again? You horrible-" Lovino started.

"You're really dead set on going to Germany?" Grandpa Rome complained, interrupting Lovino before his swearing fuse could be set on fire.

As this kind of conversation went back and forth, Feliciano kept quiet while laughing on the inside. His family had a thing regarding curiosity for centuries, passing it from generation to generation, they just needed to know everything they were interested in at the moment. "Yes, yes, yes, unless you agree to let me come, I'm not saying anything." Feliciano finally spoke.

All eyes were dead set on Grandpa Rome, watching his every movement. Antonio was practically begging him with his eyes to agree to take Feliciano if it meant he would spill the beans. Lovino, on the other hand, was still as opposed to Feliciano going as he had been before, something he made vocally clear to his grandpa. Feliciano endured the insults, waiting patiently for his answer. All that pressure and curiosity was bad for Grandpa Rome's health. "Fine. I'll talk to the company, but will you please tell us."

Feliciano beamed with joy. Grandpa Rome's company wasn't all that strict when it came to family members tagging along. He knew because he witnessed it himself, a lot of workers had troubles separating from their families. Excitement filled his body, enough for him to ignore Lovino's complaints. He wanted to tell Ludwig about this so badly, but first, he had to complete his promise.

"Now will you tell us?" Antonio asked, growing impatient.

"I will, I will. Wait." Feliciano said, pointing at Lovino who was still ranting furiously. Antonio silenced him with a pat on the shoulder, taking his hand to hold until Lovino was completely calm.

Feliciano could now begin. "Her name is Anne Marie. He met her at the library one day after lessons. She studies math and is really smart. She's not Italian, but she came to study here because she didn't really fit in with the French girls. She's from Monaco, I think, and she's older than Romeo. I think he said she was around my age and she's also really pretty. I might have a picture..." Feliciano paused, quickly searching through his phone for a short while before giving up. Not a word was spoken during the entire time. "I can't find it now, but Romeo might show it to you when he comes back. They hang around a lot because she explains math to him and he teaches her chemistry. That's all I know."

Pause. Everyone took a bit of time to process everything Feliciano said. "So, she's not his girlfriend, but they hang out a lot? Sounds to me like they are im denial." Grandpa Rome spoke first, but before Feliciano could repeat once again that his brother wasn't dating his friend, he was shut down by Lovino and Antonio.

"Obviously. Unless Midget is gay as well." Lovino said.

"That's a rude nickname, Lovi. I think it's sweet that he has a friend who helps him out, but if they were dating she could help him out even more." Antonio chimed in.

"Like I said-" Feliciano tried once again, but in vain.

"Our little Romeo is growing up. Soon, he'll be married with kids and maybe that would get his head out of that science thing he has." Grandpa Rome looked ready to cry.

Feliciano noticed that any more attempts to clear the misunderstanding up would fail, so he texted Romeo what happened.

♡~Feli~♡: Sorry i told them about marie ♡~Feli~♡: On the plus side ill maybe go to germany!!!!! ♡~Feli~♡: Ill bring you presents as an apology and tell her i said hi

Romeo's reply came in rather quickly, letting Feliciano know that Romeo was still on his way to meet her.

☆MeoMeo☆: Dont worry bout it ☆MeoMeo☆: But do bring me presents

Feliciano laughed, the conversation about Romeo's life still ongoing. A perfect opportunity for Feliciano to slip back quietly to his-

"Oh yeah Feli, you mentioned some guy Louis, I think. Who is he?" Grandpa Rome remembered, catching Feliciano in his attempt to sneak out of the living room.

"Ludwig, actually. He's..." Feliciano trailed off, he hoped this question wouldn't pop out before they were on their way to Germany. Or at least, before he told Ludwig there was a chance he would come visit him. "My friend."

"Oh? Alright then. How did you meet?" Grandpa Rome asked.

"Internet." Before Feliciano could answer, Lovino interrupted him. Feliciano just gave him the stare, nobody in this family was going to let him speak normally today.

"Feli, we talked about strangers on the internet. You can't trust him." Grandpa Rome stared at him concerned, so much that Feliciano wanted to scream and tell them all about how kind Ludwig actually is. He kept quiet, fighting was always useless.

"He's not a stranger, Nonno. He's my friend's relative and a good person." He simply said, hoping his grandpa would understand and not press the issue anymore.

"Feli, I'm not having this conversation. I want you to stop talking to whoever that Louis guy is."

"Ludwig."

"Doesn't matter." Grandpa Rome raised his voice, something so rare Feliciano felt his knees weaken. "He could be a murderer and I don't want to have to bury you so young. Stop talking to him immediately."

For a moment there was heavy silence. Neither Feliciano nor Grandpa Rome spoke, leaving Antonio and Lovino just standing there awkwardly. Lovino almost regretted not keeping his mouth shut, seeing as Feliciano looked about ready to cry. 'It's for his own good,' was what he told himself.

Sucking back the tears, Feliciano nodded. "I'll be drawing in my room, call me when dinner is ready." And he retreated to the one safe place for him in the house, limping his way to it until his bed was before him. Grabbing Silence in Venice, he collapsed face down on the bed, seeing wet stars.

The buzz of Feliciano's phone woke him up. He had no memory of falling asleep, at least not while holding his favorite book, but as he saw the texter's name, everything came to him. Unlocking his phone, he was greeted with over 50 messages all from Ludwig.

Ludwig: So about that challenge Ludwig: I don't really know how to draw dogs well but they were acting cute today and so I hope you don't mind that instead of a drawing you got a picture

*Ludwig has sent 20 pictures*

Ludwig: I guess that is a bit too much

Feliciano kept scrolling and reading Ludwig's messages. Most of them were long ones detailing the entire day of his pets' life, but then they begun getting weird.

Ludwig: So i think about pigeons a lot Ludwig: They are really cool you knkw Ludwig: And like what if i was a pigeon you know what id do Ludwig: Id take my body trash out on every persons head Ludwig: Doesnt that sound super cool

These were the most recent ones and Feliciano suspected Ludwig probably got really drunk when he texted him those, although that didn't make much sense because it was barely 6 p.m. Nevertheless, as weird for Ludwig as they were, they made Feliciano smile.

♡~Feli~♡: Are you okay Ludwig

Ludwig: Ludwig Ludwig: Im not ludwig Ludwig: Im the great pigeon man the awesomest of all

Well, that was strange. Ludwig wasn't the type to use the word 'awesomest.' If anything, he usually complained about that word because his brother-

Feliciano realized what was going on here.

♡~Feli~♡: Gil is that you

Ludwig: You bet i am im gil the pigeon

♡~Feli~♡: Okay gil pigeon would you be a nice pigeon and give your brother pigeon his phone back

Ludwig: But we re having such a nice pigeon conversation  Ludwig: He would ruin our pigeon time

♡~Feli~♡: I would rather text you from your own pigeon phone thats why

Ludwig: Oh why didnt pigeon you pigeon say so

♡~Feli~♡: Thats a lot of pigeons

Ludwig: Sure is Ludwig: I cant find my pigeon brother he probably got pigeon lost pigeon watching Ludwig: I want him to find a noce pigeon to take caer of him while i go on pigeon adventures

♡~Feli~♡: Thats really sweet of you pigeon gil

Ludwig: It sure is Ludwig: I found him hes pigeon asleep

♡~Feli~♡: Oh alright ♡~Feli~♡: Thank you pigeon gil

Ludwig: I woke him up and hes pigeon mad at me Ludwig: Goodbye my pigeon friend Ludwig: Sorry about that I swear I just took a nap and he is already so drunk

♡~Feli~♡: Dont be that was hilarious ♡~Feli~♡: Gil likes pigeons a lot

Ludwig: Yeah Ludwig: He watched a British culinary show where someone made pies out of pigeon meat and he has been angry about it ever since

♡~Feli~♡: Oh poor gil ♡~Feli~♡: Was it a good nap at least

Ludwig: It was short that is for sure Ludwig: I have been playing in the garden with the dogs all day so I am a little worn out Ludwig: How are you Ludwig: Will you be watching Eurovision tonight

♡~Feli~♡: Oh absolutely ♡~Feli~♡: I really like this years songs i think denmark might win ♡~Feli~♡: I dont want to get my hopes up by claiming we will win because we never do

Ludwig: I like Italy's entry this year Ludwig: Ours as well but it isn't victory material

♡~Feli~♡: I like germanys song a lot ♡~Feli~♡: I can relate to it but thats a whole other story ♡~Feli~♡: Anyway im both good and bad ♡~Feli~♡: Good because i might be coming to germany soon  ♡~Feli~♡: And bad because nonno

Ludwig: Wait you will be coming here? Ludwig: For real? Ludwig: I am not really done with the book yet

♡~Feli~♡: No ill be coming with nonno because he has this trip with his company and things like that all over europe

Ludwig: Then is the bad news that he doesnt want to take you or?

♡~Feli~♡: No ♡~Feli~♡: I wouldnt be feeling this sad if he didnt want to take me its just that ♡~Feli~♡: He wants me to stop talking to you and being your friend

Ludwig: Why?

♡~Feli~♡: Lovi spilled that we met online and my nonno is really strict about online friendships and everything ♡~Feli~♡: So he ordered me to stop talking to you

Ludwig: I see Ludwig: Well i did employ you in a way so maybe you could tell him that if you are going to come to Germany Ludwig: It is less suspicious that way

♡~Feli~♡: I dont kno ♡~Feli~♡: My nonno can be really mean sometimes but lovi is even meaner ♡~Feli~♡: I want to fight back but if i did he ll tell nonno and make everything be my fault ♡~Feli~♡: Its stupid and i hate it i hate it here

Ludwig: Brothers are usually like that Ludwig: Maybe it is good that you aren't starting fights because in that way Lovino can't project the blame unto you Ludwig: But at the same time that pushes him to abuse you more just to get a reaction out of you

♡~Feli~♡: I wish i could live with you ♡~Feli~♡: I wouldnt be lonely at least

Ludwig: If you still have problems with your grandfather you can tell him that you can stay here Ludwig: I suppose if he is traveling with a company that means the company pays the bills to hotels and transport Ludwig: So if you and him want to stay you can come to our place and save some money

♡~Feli~♡: You know what thats a brilliant idea ♡~Feli~♡: Ill tell him that ♡~Feli~♡: But lovi would probably object to something there

Ludwig: My best advice is to ignore what he says and if he says something mean about you just nod but don't take him seriously

♡~Feli~♡: I can try that

Ludwig: Talk to your grandfather first please

♡~Feli~♡: Are you excited at the posibility of me coming over

Ludwig: Ecstatic Ludwig: Gilbert would be overjoyed as well Ludwig: And also because I want to know will your grandfather approve of me  Ludwig: Because I really don't want to lose one of my only friends

♡~Feli~♡: We re both so lonely amd sad we need each other ♡~Feli~♡: Ill text you his response

Feliciano locked his phone and put it for charging, racing down the stairs to find his grandpa on the phone. Grandpa Rome mouthed to Feliciano that they were talking about the trip to Germany and shook his head that the company was refusing.

Feliciano motioned to him to cover the phone because he had to tell him something. Grandpa Rome excused himself for a moment to the person he was talking to. "My friend said we could stay at his place so we don't have to pay extra for hotels and food." Feliciano blurted out.

Grandpa Rome nodded, passing the message to the person on the phone. They waited for a response. Finally, Grandpa Rome nodded and Feliciano was gone in a second.

♡~Feli~♡: IM COMING TO GERMANY!!!

[alicedoessurveys]

States Tag

Alabama: Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? never seen it

Alaska: Would you rather deal with 30 days of day or 30 days of night?

Arizona: Can you handle heat well? no, I get headaches and very grumpy

Arkansas: What are your opinions on Bill Clinton? I have none, Im British so I don't really follow US politics 

California: Who is your favorite actor? Favorite actress? Actors: James McAvoy, David Tennant, Martin Freeman, all the Marvel guys, a list that goes on and on but my brain has gone blank. Actresses: my brain has gone to mush I cant think of a single actress ughhhhhh

Colorado: Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? I don't smoke it. I think it should be legalised for medical use only but not for anyone like cigarettes are. My neighbours smoke it so our garden stinks of the stuff constantly 

Connecticut: Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? its not a thing we have to worry about it England

Delaware: Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? neither really, I just do my own thing 

Florida: Have you ever been to Disney World? not in america, I’ve been to Paris

Georgia: Would you consider yourself a southern belle? no

Hawaii: What would be paradise for you? right now, to just be alone. I hate living with my parents and the foster kids, especially today they have tested my patience all fucking day im at breaking point

Idaho: What is your favorite way to eat a potato? jacket, or roasted

Illinois: Did you vote for President Obama (or would you have)? I would have, yes

Indiana: Do you like corn? no 

Iowa: Are roses your favorite flower? sunflowers are 

Kansas: Do you like the Tin Man, Scarecrow or Cowardly Lion better? cowardly lion just cause I think thats the one I relate to most 

Kentucky: Have you ever been to a horse race? no, and I don't want to

Louisiana: Have you ever celebrated Mardi Gras? nope

Maine: Do you like lobster? nope. I think its disgusting the way they are cooked too

Maryland: Have you ever been to Washington DC? never been to America 

Massachusetts: Are you smart enough to go to Harvard? I barely passed English and maths gsce so doubt it

Michigan: Have you ever swam in a lake? when I was a kid 

Minnesota: Have you seen Drop Dead Gorgeous? never heard of it 

Mississippi: Do you follow college football? nah

Missouri: Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? what the...? nope why would I do that and what has this to do with Missouri?!

Montana: What is the greatest treasure you have ever found?

Nebraska: Do you eat beef? nope, I don't eat red meat

Nevada: Are you good at card games? No, and not very interested in them either.

New Hampshire: What are your views on gay marriage? it should be legal. Im a Christian I have no issue with it. you love who you love. the only thing I don't agree with is gay marriages happening in a church but any other venue go for it. 

New Jersey: Do you watch The Jersey Shore? no, ive seen some of the English version Geordie Shore

New Mexico: Would you consider yourself a hippie? nope

New York: Have you ever been to New York City? Would you like to? omg please I desperate to visit New York but im too poor 

North Carolina: Are the Panthers your favorite football team? don't like football 

North Dakota: Have you seen Fargo? eh I saw like one episode of the remake series a few years ago but I don't remember much about it 

Ohio: Did you watch The Drew Carey Show? nope

Oklahoma: What is your favorite musical? oh man now you're asking the hard questions... Hamilton, Waitress, Dear Evan Hansen, Grinning Man, Six, Beetlejuice, Heathers, Into The Woods... im a massive theatre nerd

Oregon: Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? never heard of it

Pennsylvania: Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? never seen it 

Rhode Island: Who is the smallest person you know? our foster kid

South Carolina: Do you think Aziz Ansari is funny? I don't know who that is 

South Dakota: Who is more interesting: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? everything I know about Washington and Jefferson is from Hamilton 

Tennessee: Who is your favorite country singer? dont know any... Is Dolly Parton country?

Texas: Do you like barbecue or Tex-Mex better? barbecue 

Utah: Do you know anyone who is Mormon? nope, I don't think its much of a think in UK

Vermont: Do you get the full autumnal colors in the fall where you live? yes

Virginia: Are you a virgin? yes

Washington: Do you like grunge? nope

West Virginia: Do you like the mountains? I guess yeah

Wisconsin: What’s your favorite kind of cheese? mozzarella or red leicester 

Wyoming: Do you love westerns? nah

[mayflowers07]

Class 1A as dumb things my friends have said part 2

Aoyama: I always dress nicely in the hopes that one day a jealous bitch will kill me and I can finally have the sweet release of death

Ashido: Okay idea: we learn to do the dance from White Chicks and absolutely destroy everyone at grad who’s with me?

Asui: No one is asking the real questions here. Do you think lizards have a “human brain” like we have a “lizard brain?”

Iida: What do you mean you don’t understand why you’re failing on the test you wrote that your response to the holocaust today would be “to cry and feel real sorry”

Uraraka: I cant believe we’re having a conversation over what colour our limo should be. My broke ass is quaking this is too privileged

Ojiro: YOU GUYS IM STILL AT THE MALL YOU LEFT ME HERE HOW DID YOU FORGET AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING!!!

Kaminari: I promise I’m not an idiot! Look if I can remember all those vine quotes then I’m pretty sure I can pass chemistry

Kirishima: If two guys hang out and hug it’s not necessarily gay let’s appreciate their friendship! I mean I hope it’s gay but maybe not...

Kouda: You don’t get to pick and chose which dogs are good boys. They all are no exceptions. Chihuahuas, dalmatians, even wolves

Satou: Oh god this pop tart is crumbling faster then my will to live!!

Shouji: Everyone has a mask they hide behind in life and if mine is a mask of Danny DeVito and Pennywise the clown, then so be it

Jirou: Everyone who thinks Billie Joe Armstrong is straight can fight me behind the Wendy’s at three HE IS A BISEXUAL ICON

Sero: Bro every long hanging object is an opportunity to make a joke about making a noose out of it and when opportunity knocks I answer

Tokoyami: Okay who can light a fire asap I found all of my old cringe poems from junior high time to burn some repressed memories

Todoroki: My dream outfit is nothing. It’s me wearing nothing in the middle of Antarctica freezing to death

Hagakure: Pink is neither masculine nor feminine it transcends all we should feel blessed by its soft presence

Bakugou: HOW DID YOU SPEND 93$ AT DOLLAR STORE LAST WEEK?! WHAT 93 THINGS DID YOU BUY?!?!!

Midoriya: Our math teacher wished me good luck on the exam and I said “you too” my self hatred has now reached its new peak

Shinsou: I’m playing the game of “how many Red Bulls can I buy at once before the seven eleven guy calls the cops”

Yaoyorozu: I’m not “a pretentious jackass” for correcting you you’re just an idiot because you thought the Vietnamese war was last year

[somnilogical]

davis tower kingsley (listed here on the cfar instructor page) who harassed a cis woman about her appearance another cis women reported this to acdc (the people who wrote the thing about how brent was great) and afaict they did nothing, claims that if trans people and gay people dont "repent and submit to the pope" they will burn in hell, defended the spanish inquisitions, wrote about how the mission system werent actually abductions, slavery, forced conversions and this was propaganda, defends pretty much any atrocity that an authority, "believes" the catholic god exists and does not try and destroy them, submits to them. and so much more.

born into another era they would actually work for the california mission system and say it was good.

said thing that cached out to that emma and somni should repent and submit to the rationalist community. wrote up a rant about "how about fuck you. go lick the boots of your dark mistress anna salamon." didnt send. got kicked by some rationalist, reasoning is probably that what id say would disrupt their peaceful machinations of omnicide, would be infohazards, because... the information is hazardous to their social order.

a few of these things are subjects of future blog posts.

--

cfar has never hired a trans woman, i have lots of logs of them trying to do what people did to porpentine. claiming emma thinks torturing children is hot, claiming emma was physically violent, claiming emma was indistinguishable from a rapist, claiming ziz was a "gross uncle style abuser", claiming somni was enticing people to rape, claiming that anna salamon was a small fragile woman and ziz was large and had muscles. as if any of our strength or speed had anything to do with our muscles in this place. all of these things are false except relative size difference between ziz and anna which is just transmisogynistic and irrelevant.

if they lie about are algorithms claim that we are using male-typical strategies and then they can fail by these lies and be sidelined by callout posts that transfered 350,000$ from miri despite their best efforts to cover this up. (all benefited by having relative political advantagr flowing from estrogenized brain modules. men are kind of npc's in this particular game of fem v fem cyberontological warfare for the fate of the multiverse, mostly making false patriarchal assumptions that ziz was doing things for social status. like status sensitivity is hormonally mediated, your experiences are not universal. or saying like kingsley is saying that people should repent and submit to whatever authorities in the rationalist region they submit to. NO. FUCK YOU. i will not repent and submit to your abusive dark mistress anna salamon.

i knew anna salamon was doing the edgy "transfems are all secretly male" thing before i talked with ziz. it was a thing, {zack, carrie}, ben hoffman, michael vassar were also in on it. ppl had men trapped in mens bodies on their bookshelves because the cool people were reading it. didnt think she was being *transmisogynistic* about it until i talked with ziz. in retrospect i was naive.)

also? anarchistic coordination ive had with people have been variously called lex's cluster, somni's cluster, ziz's cluster by authoritarians who cant imagine power structures between people that arent hierarchical. like based on who they want to say is "infohazardously corrupting people" emma goldman had to deal with this shit too where the cops tried to say she was friends with anyone who thought anarchism made sense. people she didnt know at all who did their own anarchism. because authoritarians dont think in terms of philosophy, they think any challenge to their power is a disease that needs to be eliminated and you just need to doxx their network.

like if ziz and somni and emma were all actually infohazardous rapists as people keep trying to claim we are and then saying "oh no i didnt mean it i swear" and then doing it again. what would happen isnt that a bunch of infohazardous rapists start talking and working together for a common goal. what actually happens with people of that neurotype is they partition up the territory into rival areas of feeding on people like gangs do.

like they dont get together and start talking a lot about decision theory and cooperate in strange new ways.

not that the people lying about emma, ziz, gwen, somni and others are trying to have accurate beliefs. they are trying what all athoritarians try with anarchist groups. unfortunately for them, ive read the meta, i know dread secrets of psychology and cooperation that they claim are like painful static and incomprehensible, yet despite being "incomprehensible" are almost certainly harmful. if harm is to be judged against upholding the current regime, and the current regime is evil, then lots of true information and good things will look harmful. like ive tested this out in different social spheres what people claim is "incomprehensible" is the stuff that destroys whatever regime they are working in. like someone said i sounded like i was crazy and homeless and couldnt understand me when i pointed out that reorienting your life, your time, your money, to a human who happens to be genetically related to you for 16 years is altruistic insanity. just do the math. eliezer, anna, michael, brian tomasik all once took heroic responsibility for the world at some point in their lives and could do a simple calculation and make the right choice. none of them have children.

pretending that peoples "desires" "control them", when "desires" are part of the boundary of the brain, part of the brains agency and are contingent on what you expect to get out of things. like before stabbing myself with a piece of metal would make me feel nauseated, id see black dots, and feel faint. but after i processed that stabbing myself would cure brain damage and make me more functional, all this disappeared.

most people who "want" to have children have this desire downstream of a belief that someone else will take heroic responsibility for the world, they dont need to optimize as much. there are other competent people. if they didnt they would feel differently and make different choices.

you can see the contingency of how people feel about something on what they get out of it lots of places. like:

<<Meanwhile, a Ngandu woman confessed, "after losing so many infants I lost courage to have sex.">>

but people lie about how motivation works, in order to protect the territory of saying "well i just need a steady input of nubile fems so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" or "i just need spend 16 years of life reorienting around humans who happen to be genetically related to me and my friends so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" when neither of these are true. these people just want nubile fems, they just want babies. (the second one has much much less negative externalities though. you could say i am using my female brain modules to say "yeah the archetypically female strat, though it has the same amount of lying, is less harmful". but like it actually is less directly harmful. the harm from gaslighting people downstream of diverting worldsaving resources and structure to secure a place to {hit on fems, raise babies} is ruinous. means that worldsaving plans that interfere with either of these are actively fought. and the knowledge that neither of these are altruistic optimizations, neither is Deeply Wise they are as dumb in terms of global optimization as they seem initially, is agentically buried.

this warps things in deep ways, that were a priori unexpected to me.)

this is obvious, but when i talk about it, the objection isnt that it doesnt make utilitarian sense, the objection is that "im talking like a crazy person". authoritarians say this to me too when i assert my right to my property that they took, act like im imposing on them. someone else asked if i could "act like a human" and do what he wanted me to do when i was thinking and talking with my friends. all of these things authoritarians have said to me "act like a human" "talk like a normal person i cant understand you" were to coerce my submission. they construct the category of "human" and then say im in violation of it and this is wrong and i should rectify it. i am talking perfectly good english right now. you can read this.

anna salamon, kelsey piper, elle, pete michaud, and many others all try to push various narratives of somni, emma, ziz, gwen and others being in the buckets {RAPIST, PSYCHO, BRAINWASHED}. im not a rapist, im not psychotic, im not brainwashed. before ziz came along, people were claiming i was brainwashing people, its a narrative they keep reusing.

porpentine talks about communities that do this, that try and pull trap doors beneath trans women:

<<For years, queer/trans/feminist scenes have been processing an influx of trans fems, often impoverished, disabled, and/or from traumatic backgrounds. These scenes have been abusing them, using them as free labor, and sexually exploiting them. The leaders of these scenes exert undue influence over tastemaking, jobs, finance, access to conferences, access to spaces. If someone resists, they are disappeared, in the mundane, boring, horrible way that many trans people are susceptible to, through a trapdoor that can be activated at any time. Housing, community, reputation—gone. No one mourns them, no one asks questions. Everyone agrees that they must have been crazy and problematic and that is why they were gone.>>

https://thenewinquiry.com/hot-allostatic-load/

(a mod of rationalist feminists deleted this almost immediately from the group as [[not being a good culture fit]], not being relevant to rationalism, and written in the [[wrong syntax]]. when its literally happening right now, they are trying to trapdoor transfems who protest and rebel asap. just like google.)

canmom on tumblr talks about the strategic use of "incomprehensibility" against transfems. and how its not about "comprehensibility". i have a different theory of this, but her thing is also a thing.

<<Likewise, @isoxys recently wrote an impressively thorough transmisogyny 101, synthesising the last several years of discussions about this facet of our particular hell world. But that post got just 186 notes, almost exclusively from the same trans women who are accused of writing ‘inaccessibly’.

Perhaps they’d say isoxys’s post is inaccessible too, but what would pass the bar? Some slick HTML5 presentation with cute illustrations? A wiki? Who’s got the energy and money to make and host something like that? Do the critics of ‘inaccessible’ posts take some time to think about what kind of alternative would be desirable, and how it could be organised?>>

https://canmom.tumblr.com/post/185908592767/accessibility-in-terms-of-not-using-difficult

alice maz talks about the psychology behind the kind of cop kelsey piper, david tower kingsley, elle and others are:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

https://www.alicemaz.com/writing/alien.html

anna salamon wrote a thing implying that ziz, somni, gwen suffered some sort of vague mental issues from going to aisfp. (writing a post on this.) alyssa vance tried to suggest i believe cfar is evil because im homeless. but sarah constantin, ben hoffman, {carrie, zack}, jessica taylor (the last three who have blogged a lot about whats deeply wrong) (not listing others because not wanting to doxx a network to authoritarians, who just want to see it contained. and the disease of "infohazards" eradicated.) are not homeless and ive talked with many of them and read blog posts. and they know that cfar is fake. jessica (former miri employee) left because miri was fake.

anna and others are trying to claim that theres some person responsible for a [[mass psychotic break]] that causes people to... independently update in the same direction. and have variously blamed it on ziz, somni, michael vassar. but like mass psychotic breaks arent...really a thing, would not be able to independently derive something, plan on writing a blogpost on it, and then see ben hoffman had written http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/engineer-diplomat/ and i was like "ah good then i dont have to write this." and have this happen with several different people.

like this is more a mass epistemic update that miri / cfar / ssc / lw are complicit in the destruction of the world. and will defend injustice and gaslight people and lie about the mathematical properties of categories to protect this.

they all know exactly what they are doing, complicity with openai and deepmind in hopes of taking the steering wheel away at the last second. excluding non-human life and dead humans from the CEV to optimize some political process, writing in an absolute injunction to an fai against some outcome to protect from blackmail when that makes it more vulnerable.(see:

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html

hyperexistential separation: if an fai cant think of hell, an fai cant send the universe to hell in any timeline. this results in lower net utility. if you put an absolute injunction against any action for being too terrible you cant do things like what chelsea manning did and i believe actually committed to hungerstriking until death in the worlds where the government didnt relent, choosing to die in those timelines. such that most of her measure ended up in a world where the government read this commitment in her and so relented.

if chelsea manning had an absolute injunction against ever dying in any particular timeline, she would get lower expected utility across the multiverse. similarly, in newcombs problem if you had an absolute injunction against walking away with 0$ in any timeline because that would be too horrible, you get less money in expectation. for any absolute injunction against things that are Too Horrible you can construct something like this.

--

a lot of humans seem to be betting on "nothing too horrible can happen to anyone" in hopes that it pays off in nothing too horrible happening to you.

the end result of not enacting ideal justice is the deaths of billions. at each timestamp saying "its too late to do it now, but maybe it would have been good sometime in the past". with the same motive that miri wants to exclude dead people from the cev, they arent part of the "current political process". so you can talk about them as if they were not moral patients, just like they treat their fellow animals.

(ben hoffman talks about different attitudes towards ideal justice coming upon the face of the earth.)

--

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

cev:

<<But again, we fall back on the third reply: "The people who are still alive" is a simple Schelling circle to draw that includes everyone in the current political process. To the extent it would be nice or fair to extrapolate Leo Szilard and include him, we can do that if a supermajority of EVs decide* that this would be nice or just. To the extent we don't bake this decision into the model, Leo Szilard won't rise from the grave and rebuke us. This seems like reason enough to regard "The people who are still alive" as a simple and obvious extrapolation base.>>

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

this is an argument from might makes right. because dead people and nonhuman animals cant fight back.

->"i think we should give planning of the town to the white people, then extrapolate their volition and if they think doing nice things for black people is a good idea, we'll do it! no need to bake them in to the town planning meetings, as they are arent part of the current political process and no one here will speak up for them."

i dont plan to exclude dead people or any sentient creatures from being baked in to fai. they are not wards of someone else. enslaving and killing fellow sentient life will not continue after the singularity even if lots of humans want it and dont care and wont care even after lots of arguments.) and so much else.

the list of all specific grievances would take a declaration of independence.

like with googles complicity with ICE having a culture of trapdooring transfems (for some reason almost the only coherent group that has the moral fiber to oppose these injustices, that is p(transfem|oppose injustice in a substantiative way) is high, not necc the reverse.) who question this sort of thing.

thinking of giving sarah constantin a medal thats engraved with "RIGHTEOUS AMONG CIS PEOPLE: I HAD SEVERAL SUBSTANTIAL DISAGREEMENTS WITH HER ABOUT LOAD BEARING PARTS OF HER LIFE AND SHE NEVER ONCE TRIED TO CALL ME A RAPIST, PSYCHOTIC, OR BRAINWASHED" thats where the bar is at, its embedded in the core of the earth.

kelsey piper, elle benjamin, anna salamon, pete michaud, and lots more have entirely failed to clear this bar. anna and kelsey saying they dont understand stuff somni, emma, ziz and other transfems talk about but its probably dangerous and infohazardous and its not to be engaged with philosophically. just like the shelter people acting as if my talking about their transmisogyny was confusing and irrational to be minimized and not engaged with. just like any authoritarian where when you start talking about your rights and what is right and wrong and what makes sense they are like "i dont understand this. you are speaking gibberish why are you being so difficult? all we need you to do is submit or leave."

and no i will NOT SHUT UP about this injustice. all miri/cfar people can do at this point is say "the things these people write are infohazards" then continue to gaslight others they cant engage on a philosophical level. all the can say is that what i am saying is meaningless static and yet also somehow dangerous.

::

it doesnt make sense to have and raise babies if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. doesnt make sense to need a constant supply of fems to have sex with if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. people who claim either of these pairs of things are lying, maybe expect someone else to take heroic responsibility for the world or exist in a haze.

the mathematics of categories and anticipations dont allow for the thing you already have inside you to be modified based on the expected smiles it gives your community. this is used to gaslight people like "calling this lying would be bad for the institutions, not optimize ev. thus by this blogpost you are doing categories wrong' this is a mechanism to cover dishonesty for myopic gains.

using the above, a bunch of people colluding with the baby industrial complex get together and say that the "beat" meaning of altruism includes having babies (but maybe not having sex with lots of fems? depending on which gendered strategy gets the most people in the colluding faction) because other meanings would make people sad and unmotivated. burying world optimizers ability to talk about and coordinate around actual altruism.

openAI and deepmind are not alignment orgs. cfar knows this and claims they are, gaslighting their donors, in hopes of taking the steering wheel at the last moment.

alyssa vance says paying out to blackmail is fine, its not.

CFAR manipulated donation metrics to hide low donations.

MIRI lied about its top 8 most probable hypotheses for why its down 350,000$ this year.

anna salamon is transmisogynistic, this is why cfar has never hired a trans women despite trans women being extremely good at mental tech. instead the hire people like davis kingsley.

kingsley lied about anna not being involved at hiring in cfar in order to claim anna couldnt be responsible for cfar never hiring a trans woman.

a cfar employee claimed anna salamon hired their rapist, was angry about it. mentioned incidentally how anna salamon, president and cofounder of cfar, was involved in hiring at cfar.

acdc wrote a big thing where defended a region of injustice (brent dill) because of their policy of modular ethics. when really, if you defend injustice at any point, you have to defend the defense and the thing iteratively spreads across your organization like a virus.

miri / cfar caved to louie helm.

not doing morality or decision theory right. among which is: https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html and https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

and so much more.

[shadedrose01]

Just Breathe

Ship: none, platonic (paternal) relationship between Harley Keener and Tony Stark

Summary: Harley has a panic attack, Tony helps

Tags: none (not posted on ao3)

Author note: this was a story that I originally wrote for febufluff day 7, "hugs" before realizing that it neither had hugs, nor was it very fluffy, like at all. I didnt want to just scrap it, so I figured I'd post it here. I am going to write another story for day 7 of febufluff, but it'll just come out a bit later 🤷‍♀️🤣

TRIGGER WARNING: This story is all about Harley having a panic attack due to his bullies finding out he is gay, and threatening to tell his school about it (aka being homophobic assholes). I describe the panic attack in detail, so if that's not your speed, DO NOT READ. Be safe, please, I love you all ❤

--

Click, click, click-

Harley clicks his pen unconsciously, his leg bunching up and down repeatedly, staring down at his paper with squinted eyes, hoping, begging his mind to focus on the homework.

Click, click, click-

Its math homework, Harley is good at math, he has always been good at math, so why cant he just focus? Why cant he just finish the problem?

Click, click, click-

The question muddles in front of him again, and Harley begs himself not to think about it, tries his hardest to focus, focus, focus! but his cries go unheard, the memory swarming into the forefront of his thoughts once more.

The note on his desk, telling him to be behind the school after class. The walk there, where Harley's curiosity had beat out his fear (such a stupid decision, he should have just left, should have just gone home-). The anticipation, leaning against the old, dirty brick, just waiting, waiting, watching and waiting. The group that had shown up, a bunch of bullies from his school, had surrounded him, pushed him up against that very same brick and held him there like pray, grins smug and eyes glistening, eyes knowing.

They knew his secret, they said, his secret that he was trying to hide for days, for months, for forever, trying to bury as deep into himself as he possibly could. Had said that they had caught him a few days, at the movies, with a kid from out of town, a boy from out of town. Had said that they saw them kiss, had said that they knew, knew who he really was, what he really was, had called him vulgar words, names and curses and swears, had beat him into the ground then and there, and walked away laughing.

They told him that they were telling the entire school. They were going to tell the school about his- his feelings, his sexuality, and- and everybody would hate him, hate his guts for something he couldn't control, can't control, had tried to control for so long, for so so long, and then- then the school was going to tell his mother, and his mother would hate him too, abandon him just like his father had, and Abbie would hate him, leave him too. He'd be all alone, all alone and nobody would care about him, nobody would miss him, nobody would want him and- and-

And he can't breathe.

Oh god, he can't breathe.

Harley tries to take a deep breath in, but all he can manage is a shallow gasp, his lungs feeling as if two vice grips are squeezing them on the highest setting, not allowing them to expand and contract, not allowing air to flow freely, not allowing him to breathe. He keeps trying, his faint gasps getting louder and louder, harder and harder to do, his heart beat drumming in his ears, fast and quick, and he's shaking, shaking like a leaf, and he cant stop, cant breath, his chest aches, his heart aches and oh god, he's dying, he's dying, he's going to die out here, in his garage, all by himself, all alone, his mother working and his sister with her friends, all alone, all alone-

He needs to call someone. He needs to- to-

Harley scrambles for his phone, placed beside the sheets of paper that are slowly blurring together as tears fill his eyes, and he tries multiple times to open it, failing, failing, failing every time, -nobody's going to know, he's dying, he can't- until finally, finally it opens, and he clicks on his contacts list, scrolls to the M's, and presses call, holding it up to his ear.

His other hand as made its way to his chest, having a death grip on his shirt as his chest continues to get tighter and tighter, the air feeling thicker and thicker, the room blurring and spinning and he wont make it, he wont make it until-

"Harley? Harley, I need you to breathe, kid." Its faint, Tony's staticky voice barely heard over the blood rushing in his ears, but it's there, and Harley clings to it like a lifeline (it is, it is a lifeline, his only chance at surviving-).

"I- I dont- I cant-" Harley wheezes, curling into himself, resting his head in between his knees and squeezing his eyes shut, hoping it'll help his rapidly increasing dizziness, hoping it'll stop the room from spinning so damn much, hoping it'll stop his world from collapsing on top of him like it is right now, god, please, have mercy-

Tony breaks through the white noise again, his tone softer than Harleys ever heard it, but strong, urgent. "You can, kid. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can. You gotta try for me, okay?"

Harley just shakes his head, even though he knows Tony cant see it, his body trembling again as adrenaline rushes through his veins. "I'm dying, I'm- I- oh god I'm dying-"

"You aren't dying, Harls, I promise you, you aren't. You're having a panic attack." Harley doesnt respond to that, just sobbing in between his wheezing because he's dying, he knows he is, he can feel it, he's- "Kid, you're going to pass out if you don't breathe, so I need you to listen to me okay? I want you to breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 and then breath out for 8, you think you can do that for me?"

Harley doesnt, he doesnt think he can do it, but hes gotta- he's gotta try something, anything, he can't just go down without a fight, without giving it a shot. "O-O-O-Okay."

"Okay, follow me, okay? Inhale, one, two three, four-" He hears Tony take a deep breath, and tries to as well, shuttering with a sob as his lungs refuse to expand, refuse to listen, stopping his inhale after two, "Its okay, kiddo, you're doing good, now hold it for me, seven seconds, you got this." Harley tries again, holding his breath even as his body spasms, screaming at him to keep breathing, keep breathing, there isn't enough air, need more air, need- "and release for eight seconds," The air forces it's way out of Harleys lung in one loud push, and he immediately gasps again as soon as his lungs are empty. He expects Tony to be mad at him (he'll be mad at him, hate him just like his mom will, the school will-) , but the older man just keeps reassuring him gently, calmly, soothing Harleys worries. "There you go, bud, see? You got this, you can do this. Let's do that a few more times now, okay?"

They repeat the motion over and over again, and to Harleys surprise, after a while, the inhales start to get easier, his lungs start to open up again, relaxing and stretching again, and his heart starts to slow back to it's normal rate. He's still shaking, but its mostly aftershocks now, the last bits of the adrenaline rush draining out of his body. But now that he's calming down and he doesnt feel like he's dying, he can feel the shame and the horror start to creep it's way in, embarassment flushing his cheeks. "I-Im sorry." He whispers out shakily, running his free hand through his hand before holding it tightly, yanking at it slightly.

"Don't apologize for this, Harley, please." The man sounds tired, in more of a physically/mentally exhausted kind of way over an 'I'm annoyed and hate you' kind of way. Harley still feels a tinge of guilt though. "Are you feeling better now?"

He swallows, his throat dry and sore from heaving in and out breaths. "Yeah, yeah I think so. Thanks."

Theres a pause, a moment of awkward, long and uncomfortable silence that Harley isnt sure how to break, isn't sure he really wants know, until the question he was anxiously dreading breaks it anyways. "Kid..." Tony sighs quietly, "I know we dont normally... do this, the whole having emotional talks about our problems thing, but-" he pauses again, thinking his words through. "...do you want to talk about it?"

Harley grits his teeth, before deflecting. "Talk about what?"

"Harley." The man's tone turns stern, but still soft, still gentle, like Harley's a fragile ceramic plate placed at the end of a shelve, one from blow of wind away from falling and shattering. Then, randomly, he speaks up again, his voice sounding more defeated, resigned, "Look, bud, I cant force you to say anything, but I know from experience that talking about it can help sometimes."

Harley sighs, knowing he isn't going to get out of this, no matter how much he wants to (or, how much he thinks he wants to, even if theres some small part in the back of his brain calling out to him, longing for him to tell Tony everything, no matter the inevitable consequences-). He just shrugs, scuff his foot against the cement ground of his garage, mumbling out. "I don't know what to say, where to start..."

"That's okay. Just say something. Starting is always the hardest part."

Harley snorts, trying to lighten the mood one last time. "Since when did you become a therapist?"

"Since I started going to one." Tony deadpans, a tiny light of amusement ringing in his tone before it disappears again, back to serious. "You can tell me anything, Harley. No judgement, okay, maybe a little bit of judgement depending, but no everlasting grudges, I promise."

Harley chuckles lightly, his back of his eyes burning suddenly, randomly, a flash of warmth flowing through him. Because even with all of his self deprecating thoughts, even with all his anxiety, the one thing Harley knows about Tony Stark is that he always keeps his promises, no matter what it costs to do so.

And so, Harley tells him. Tells him his truth, shakily, nervously, painstakingly slow and fearful, only to be told instantly that it's okay, that he is okay, that it doesn't change anything. Tells him about the boys at his school, about their attack, about their plans with a few split tears and a sob or two. Tells him about how afraid he really is, about how he doesnt know how anyone will react, if his friends will leave him or not, if his family will still love him after it all. And Tony reassures him the whole time, backs him up through it all, telling him it'll all be okay, that even if the school finds out and it becomes a big deal, that it'll blow over in a few weeks, and if it doesnt, that high school is just the first part and a small portion of a longer, bigger life. Telling him that if his friends leave, that they arent truly his friends, and that he knows that his mom, his sister will love him no matter what. "Theres only a few things I know about Macy Keener, but I do know for a fact that she loves her son to death, and couldnt even imagine her life without him in it." (That caused a few more tears to be shed).

And after it's all said and done, the call ended and "The Mechanic" is shining back at him in big white letters, Harley starts back to work on his math assignment with a grin on his face, feeling lighter, better than he has in a long time.

[innerclouds]

More requests

200 things you can put in my ask

200: My crush’s name is: Beeb

199: I was born in: A hospital

198: I am really: Quiet

197: My cellphone company is: Nonexistent

196: My eye color is: Ugly

195: My shoe size is: Nine something

194: My ring size is: No idea

193: My height is: Smol

192: I am allergic to: Tangerines and mildly to watermelon

191: My 1st car was: A PoS

190: My 1st job was: Stressful

189: Last book you read: Can't recall

188: My bed is: Too small

187: My pet: Stinks

186: My best friend: The bestest

185: My favorite shampoo is: Nice smelling

184: Xbox or ps3: PC Master race

183: Piggy banks are: Cute

182: In my pockets: Lint

181: On my calendar: Nothing

180: Marriage is: Lovely

179: Spongebob can: Live in my closet

178: My mom: Is loud

177: The last three songs I bought were? Bought?

176: Last YouTube video watched: Some ASMR

175: How many cousins do you have? Lots

174: Do you have any siblings? Yes

173: Are your parents divorced? They never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? Lolno

171: Do you play an instrument? No

170: What did you do yesterday? Haphazardly made an avatar

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Sure

168: Luck: Kinda

167: Fate: Kinda

166: Yourself: Sure

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: No

162: God: No

161: Horoscopes: They're fun to entertain

160: Soul mates: Yes

159: Ghosts: In one form or another

158: Gay Marriage: Absolutely

157: War: I believe it's a thing but it shouldn't be

156: Orbs: Dust mote or bug

155: Magic: It's fun to entertain

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Both

153: Drunk or High: Latter

152: Phone or Online: Both

151: Red heads or Black haired: Both

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Both

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Both

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: PC master race

139: Flip flops or high heals: Thongs

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: For what?

137: Coke or Pepsi: Bepsis

136: Hillary or Obama: Ew

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated

134: Singing or Dancing: Neither

133: Coach or Chanel: What?

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who?

131: Small town or Big city: Either

130: Wal-Mart or Target: I don't have a preference

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Neither

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither

127: East Coast or West Coast: I'm quite literally in the middle

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Both

124: Disney or Six Flags: Both

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Unfortunate but never going away

121: George Bush: Don't care

120: Gay Marriage: Yes

119: The presidential election: Never fails to be a shit show

118: Abortion: Yes

117: MySpace: That still exists?

116: Reality TV: Rarely watched

115: Parents: Love one, don’t care about the other

114: Back stabbers: Go away

113: Ebay: Rarely used

112: Facebook: Trying to get back into for group shenanigans and related fun

111: Work: Tiring

110: My Neighbors: Nice besides one

109: Gas Prices: Need to be free

108: Designer Clothes: I don't pay attention to labels

107: College: Used to be required, now a breeding ground for stupidity

106: Sports: No interest

105: My family: Eh

104: The future: Hopefully better

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Eons ago

102: Last time you ate: Couple hours ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: If I did I didn't notice them

100: Cried in front of someone: See 103

99: Went to a movie theater: I don't recall the date

98: Took a vacation: Not that long ago

97: Swam in a pool: See 103

96: Changed a diaper: See 103

95: Got my nails done: Never happened

94: Went to a wedding: See 103

93: Broke a bone: Never happened

92: Got a peircing: See 103

91: Broke the law: Good while ago

90: Texted: Like a second ago

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Bae

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My bed

87: The last movie I saw: I don't recall the title, I have a terrible memory

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Bae

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Flying

84: People call me: Weird

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Math

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never

81: My zodiac sign is: Ratto

80: The first person i talked to today was: Cat

79: First time you had a crush: Some short asshole

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Bae

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: See above

76: Right now I am talking to: See above

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Go to Neptune

74: I have/will get a job: Yes

73: Tomorrow: Work

72: Today: Live stream

71: Next Summer: Work

70: Next Weekend: Work

69: I have these pets: Cat

68: The worst sound in the world: A yowling feline

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Idk

66: People that make you happy: Bae

65: Last time I cried: I've answered this

64: My friends are: Bae

63: My computer is: Needing replacement parts soon

62: My School: Long gone

61: My Car: Junk

60: I lose all respect for people who: Pull double standards

59: The movie I cried at was: Idk

58: Your hair color is: Ugly

57: TV shows you watch: None atm

56: Favorite web site: Youtube? I dunno, they're scummy but I still watch vids on them.

55: Your dream vacation: Northern lands or land of the rising sun with bae

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Past deep depression

53: How do you like your steak cooked: Med-rare

52: My room is: Small

51: My favorite celebrity is: Nigel John Dermot Neill

50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere north

49: Do you want children: Maybe

48: Ever been in love: Yes

47: Who’s your best friend: Bae

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Does it matter?

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Full tum

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Bae

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I'd like to

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Not a physical one

41: Have you pre-named your children: No

40: Last person I got mad at: Some dumbarse discord drama

39: I would like to move to: See 50

38: I wish I was a professional: Skydiver

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Blue raspberry/apple jolly rancher

36: Vehicle: 1970 volkswagen beetle

35: President: Theodore Roosevelt

34: State visited: None

33: Cellphone provider: Why are people shilling for cellphone providers?? Is this a new zoomer thing? wtf

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: See 51

30: Actress: Sigourney Weaver

29: Singer: Till Lindemann

28: Band: Long ass list

27: Clothing store: Stop shilling for corps

26: Grocery store: See above

25: TV show: None atm

24: Movie: See above

23: Website: See above

22: Animal: Shark, rat, birbs

21: Theme park: Idk

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: None

18: Sport to play: None

17: Magazine: None

16: Book: None atm

15: Day of the week: Thursday

14: Beach: None

13: Concert attended: Ozzfest

12: Thing to cook: Omelette, soup, noodles

11: Food: See above

10: Restaurant: Idk

9: Radio station: See above

8: Yankee candle scent: What?

7: Perfume: None

6: Flower: Rose, Iris

5: Color: Black, gray, purple, blue, white

4: Talk show host: Idk

3: Comedian: Bill Hicks

2: Dog breed: Mop dog

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Ye

[disegnidipizzo]

finally some decent refs for these two messes on legs/fins

the whole story under the cut, prepare bc i got carried away and i am not sorry about anything, at all, ever, in any circumstance.

SALVIA NUNARI

Salvia Nunari would rather tend for their forbidden plants garden than the troll grubs and would sneak out a lot to do her thing in the very dilapidated greenhouse their ancestor left behind, along with all the books on plants, herbal medicine and poisons (and some interesting things about jades). They know that jades Shouldn’t stray from their path but if their lusus taught them something, it’s that sometimes, you need to do things in the dark. 

Considering that they’re a racoon, they also say a lot of things about finding solace in what one has left behind. It wasn’t about trash, but you got the gist. And they have a pope hat, but you don’t know what a pope is. Still, they look funny with it on. Like a monarch or a ruler of All Things Unwanted and Abandoned.

As they got more experienced, they started making new breeds of plants and crossbreeding some relatively harmless carnivores to create a poisonous/venomous strain, in the very faint hope that MAYBE they could be somewhat employed by the Empire. It wasn’t that much of a plan but. It worked. Sort of. When the baby plant opened its trap, Salvia got poisoned to death thanks to a bite to the neck. Turns out that the new strain can move rather effortlessly and quickly and that it consider food most things that move. 

The first death allows em to ascend to rainbow drinker. 

Follows a minor freak out due to “HOLY FUCK IM GLOWING HOW DO I TURN THIS OFF” and “I’m dead. I’m so dead im still alive.” 

Conveniently, their ancestor’s Very Interesting Things About Jades handbook does contain info on rainbow drinkers and how to turn off the glow. Salvia doesn’t die twice for another day! Good thing it was all in the next chapter.

They had to hide the deathly wound lest being found out (and most likely culled in .5 seconds) before going back to the caverns, hence why they wear the neckpiece. It wasn’t really theirs in the first place, it was one of their ancestor’s ones that had gotten too small for them (but was kinda part of their uniform). 

TIAMAT KIITCH

Tiamat Kiitch enjoyes being eccentric. When you rank so up high, it’s only fair to flaunt your taste, even if it’s not the most accepted by you signclassmates. Sucks to be them, not everybody can understand what it means to Really be a patron of the arts. Or of the artists. Maybe this is why everybody sees you as unfit for the imperial army and would rather shove you on a planet so that they can get some sensory relief. Because a Violet that supports so many painters, sculptors and even musicians of all classes, even below cerulean? Sacrilegious. Or maybe they really just don’t like it. Violets aren’t exactly social with one another. Call that a competitive environment, ay.

As her Departure Day to said planet of Thank God Sound Can’t Travel In The Void of Space, she has to make preparations. A whole sweep ahead is not too early. She’s going out with a bang, mofos.

Also, it’s only fair she would pick the best trolls to be part of her new, off planet hive estate staff. And she is NOT going to cheap out on the good stuff. Going full crew over here, from the doctors to cleaning staff and doctors for the cleaning stuff. Don’t worry, she can afford it.

And she goes to Personally pick the heads of each branch of people who work for her. Since jades make for the best doctors and caretakers, she pays a visit to a few caverns that have great reputation. Which is a good amount of them.

Among the (very few but very capable) jades that have been picked, she just had to have an eye for the one that has that something of mystery and secret but also that knows how to make medicine out of most plants (how did they learn?? Who cares, they can do that and i want them. Get in, we’re going off planet.). Also the one that looks like they’re up to Trouble.

And that’s where the problems begin.

The Actual Plot

Rainbow drinkers need blood, which is easy enough to get on Alternia, since trolls are canonically very violent as a species and all that. Just using dead bodies lying around is easy, there’s also the culled grubs in the caves that need disposing. Yes it sounds bad because feeding babies to carnivorous plants is objectively bad. Also, soil which contains troll blood/ is watered with troll blood is very good for most plants, but leads to fun mutations. Some of them are learning how to “talk” by opening their petals, leaves or traps. Not great conversation partners but you’ll take anything.

Life with Tiamat would mean increasing the chances of being found as a drinker and being culled, blood harder to find and less chances to experiment with herbology independently.

BUT staying wouldn't be better, as once they are cloistering age, they won't be able to even see their garden anymore.

You start to wonder if this is how your ancestor felt. 

You also start to wonder how long has the violetblood been staring at yo-AFJDGN

When Tiamat has an eye out for something/someone, she gets super into observing them. From a distance at first, to understand how they work their magic. Not that she needs to, but she feels like a documentary worker. If she knew what those were.

During the picking process she was surprised by Salvia: despite being rather small, even for a midblood, they had fast reflexes and overall sharp senses, which kind of doesn’t sound right. The hivemaster and some hivemates described them as more aloof and not particularly outstanding outside of average efficiency.

Im realising this could be a disney channel vampire movie plot minus the violence.

They aren't scheduled for leaving for around a sweep, as the colony tiamat is gonna be overseeing will need time before its declared operative and ready for aristocracy to live in. This gives Salvia ample time to transfer books, notes and plant seeds/stems into more easy to carry media. Paper does take up a lot of space. It’s easy enough as books can be digitalised quickly. Technology is great.

More importantly, they need the SOIL. Which needs to be fertilised with special sauce. Which is blood. You decide to get a snack.

Now, you imagine being a fish lady that is following one of your most brilliant but most mysterious doctors around, only to find out they are a vampire and that they water the soil of their plants with troll blood. And that feeds dead grubs to the carnivores. (And that they look kinda cute while glowing in the dark and with a splorch of blood dripping down their lip wait what)

Now imagine hearing a gasp mixed with a glub and seeing your employer which could have you killed on the spot or kill you herself while you are in the middle of getting a snack with your plant and glow on.

Remember that Tiamat is a good 40 cms / one foot and a few inches taller (minus shoes). So you do the math that, even if you run, you won't have much and also run Where? If you fight? Might die. Neither? Also probably die.

So what happens is a very intense stare off. And i mean neither blink for a solid 2 minutes. 

And then Tiamat, slightly intrigued of having a rainbow drinker (super rare and so unjustly or maybe not so unjustly feared) just goes. "So.. that’s your special sauce."

And Salvia just confesses, accepting a death that was gonna come anyways. This was a stupid plan. 

But that death doesn't arrive, Tiamat could never kill or let die something so unique, so completely unruly and also potentially deadly that is by her side die on her. That is the embodiment of what she wishes to keep alive with her patronage, you think having a forbidden vampire scientist is out of the question? Nuh-uh. They are Gucci. So Gucci they’re Supreme.

With time the bond strengthens and they slowly go quadrant

Well, its a sometimes sorta vacillating quadrant but they are into each other.  

They share half a brain cell each

That Gay Shit (tm)

The love part is mainly on Tiamat because hey, its intimate yknow? Being the only one knowing about something so personal. It escalates into giving salvia special treatment/privileges such as better meals, a small lab of their own, a supply of dead trolls to get the blood from (executed political dissidents or criminals but thats another story). Eventually it grows more to being about their personality and their knowledge but also a bit about how they can make an amputation go clean as a bottle of disinfectant, but they will forget to eat a bunch of times in a row.

Salvia does sorta reciprocate the red feelings, but at the same time they lean more on the blackrom side. Constantly making subtle remarks they havent tasted violet blood before. Sorta leaving thankful notes with a lipstick/bloodstain and a small caption of "wish this was yours <3<"

Also salvia purposelly red flirting in front of tiamat with other staff ("But i just thought they look cute :(( cant you see they look like a snacc ")

But theres also days in which the roles are reversed bc thats how fluctuating quadrants work! 

During those days, Tiamat will be taking up a good chunk of extra space around Salvia, just as a reminder that she is not only above them on the hemospectrum, but also a whole lot taller and stronger. Also that she can take away those privileges. Temporarily. Unless they can earn them back.

On the other hand, Salvia in red is super affectionate, loves doing Tiamat's hair and makeup and letting her do the same. They leave occasional small kisses which are more like pecks or "hey feel my fangs".

So in short: 

Red Salvia: the datemate that gives you a makeover in the morning, calls you "princess" and spoils you with gestures and cuddles.

Black Salvia: little shit, messes with your stuff, reminds you that you look delicious when alive.

Red Tiamat: spoils materially, gives plenty of time, shares meals and listens carefully to all that you have to say.

Black Tiamat: would keep you with the hanmibal mask on if she could, keeps you on your toes, stay in your place and be good.

[ybcomplicated]

the Breakfast Pack pt 13

The four of them hung out playing a game of cards Scott had in his bag, and Lydia played some music on her phone.

Stiles sat next to Derek who had relaxed and opened up a bit to them all.

"So, big guy, would you really let me eat lunch with you on monday?" Stiles asks Derek as he puts a card down.

Derek glances at him, "Sure, as long as you dont be an asshole."

Stiles giggles, "Yeah, im sorry about that. I have foot-in-mouth-syndrome. But for real. I'm sorry for the things i've said."

Derek smiles and nudges Stiles with his shoulder, "It's fine, but do it again, and I'll rip your throat out-with my teeth."

Stiles throws his head back in a laugh and Derek is caught off guard. His cheeks sporting a slight ruddy color "You sure you're not a were-wolf?"

Derek rolls his eyes and watches at the other boy wins the game. Soon enough it was two-thirty and Stiles had to be going back to the locker room so that Harris doesn't have a heart attack. He helps put the room back in order and makes his way to the window.

"Stiles?" Lydia asks coming up to him. He turns to her questioningly. She shuffles her feet a bit before speaking, "I just want to say that I'm sorry. Sor all the things me and my friends have put you through. You're not too bad."

Stiles smirks, "You're not to prissy yourself."

The two of them nod to each-other with a sense of respect. He makes his way out the window falling on the other side. He dusts off his clothes and starts across the campus when he hears his name being called. He turns and sees Derek at the window.

He jogs back over, "Whats up Sour-wolf?"

Derek shoves his hand out the window. A paper between his fingers, "Text me some time. We shoudl go see a movie or something."

Stiles smiles widely and taking the paper putting it in the small pocket on his flannel. He leans in and kisses derek on the corner of his lips, "Will do, Der."

He then sprints across the campus to the trash can and window to the locker room climbing in.

Mean while Allison and Scott were sitting at their desks.

"You know, You're actually pretty smart," Allison says teasingly to Scott who blushes.

"And you're not as weird as people make you out to be," He teases back and she cuffs him in the head lightly making him laugh.

"Is it safe to assume we can sit next to each-other in Math?" She asks tentatively.

Scott slimes a puppy dog smile, "I'd really like that."

Allison smiles and leans in giving scott a slow kiss. Every time she moved she didn't bother making friends or getting attached to people because they would only disappoint her. But maybe this time, it would be worth it. She looks at Derek who sat red in the face in his chair and Lydia who was writing on the aper we were actually supposed to do.

"Yo Lyds, you doing the paper?" Scott asks and lydia nods, "Its kinda a waste for all of us to write a paper so, would you-"

Lydia smiles at him, "ALready ahead of you."

When the bell rings Stiles opens the locker doors realising it was unlocked the entire time, and makes his way to the classroom. The other four were regtting their stuff together.

"Wheres Harris?" Scott asks as Stiles walks in. The laid clad teen shrugged. Little did they know Finstock and Harris were passed out in Finstocks Office. They had taken nyquil and vodka.

"Ready to go?" Allison asks Scott who nods and grabs her hand as they walk out the door and the school.

Lydia follows with her head held high. Jackson was outside and Lydia walked up to his porsche.

"Hey babe! Out of the slammer huh?" Jackson says cheerfully.

Lydia glares at him and throws a key at him, "We are done. I'll get a ride with Stiles."

She leave Jackson with his mouth open and confused.

She walks to Stiles who stood next to his jeep with Derek. The two of them were making out and she rolled her eyes, "Hello gays. I mean guys."

Stiles pulls away rom Derek and laughs at her, "No you don't"

Lydia smiles and shrugs, "Can you give me a ride?"

"No Jackson?" Derek asks with his arms around Stiles. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. Ydia wa shappy that he had gotten comfortable with them.

"That boat has sailed," She leave sit at that and goes to the other side of the jeep.

Stiles rolls his eyes and kisses Derek on the cheek, "Text you later."

Derek nods and Stiles enters the jeep while Derek goes to his own car. Allison gets in the car with her dad and Scott jumps on his bike. Each of them leaving but neither forgetting.

Dear , we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a Saturday in detention for whatever it is that you deemed wrong. But it is simply ridiculous to expect us to write an essay on who we think we are. You don't care how we see ourselves because you already see us how you want to. You see us as a new-girl, a Jock, a princess, a loudmouth, a recluse. And to be honest, that's how we saw each other too. We were brainwashed.

Because today we learned something about each other and ourselves. Each of us are seeking acceptance, waiting for friends, wanting to say what's on our mind, and longing to be ourselves. Each of us is a loudmouth, a princess, a jock, a recluse, and a new-kid.

So, does that answer your question?

Sincerly yours,

The Breakfast Pack

[kleeboy]

okay im deleting and reposting this because i put a swear word in the tags and it wasnt even showing up in searches for my personal, and i don’t trust the mobile editor to fix my problems but its time 4 me to make a post

Here's what I’ve got for a Thunderbirds D&D AU! I'm not gonna get into numbers and stats and levels because I do that enough when I play normal d&d and I'm gay and tired. Also, there’s probably gonna be a touch of rule bending not only to reconcile d&d with the Thunderbirds canon but just to boost the fun factor a bit. It’s not like we’re setting up a playable campaign so it doesn’t really matter as long as we’re not making it unrecognisable as part of the d&dverse. At that point, you might as well just call it a fantasy AU (still lit tho lmao). This is mostly TOS based but I’ll add some notes on TAG stuff now and then in italics because I’m here to provide. It’s hefty, so everything's under the cut. Hopefully comprehensible.

IR (presumably going by some other name but we’ll just stick with that for sake of ease) is still a rescue organisation - it operates on a somewhat smaller scale but access to magic means it’s got a pretty big reach for typical d&d technology. It’s centred around an ancient deity that few people have heard of and even fewer worship. There’s only one known temple dedicated to said deity and it had been abandoned for a long time before they found it, so it’s currently being restored - if rather agonizingly slowly. Anyway, IR is deity-based because nothing screams “fight for a cause” like paladins! They’re paladins, mostly, is what I’m saying.

Jeff is likely an ex-adventurer, probably a paladin but I’m seriously considering cleric just for interest’s sake so sue me, I love clerics. His party did some pretty cool stuff back in the day, and adventuring pays well as long as you don’t die, so he’s pretty well off. He left the party and settled down in one place when Scott was born, and the rest of them presumably disbanded and went about their own lives eventually. Or maybe they’re still out there causing a ruckus. Who knows. Pretty easy to just say “and he’s not there anymore” for TAG, rationalise his disappearance as you please. Either way, at some point he decided to start an organisation that would make saving lives a bit more structured than the usual “Let's hope a squad of adventurers stumbles on our predicament” that people have been relying on.

Scott is a Battle Master archetype fighter who multiclassed into paladin. Battle Master provides the most appropriate mechanics for a field leader, and also seems like the sort of thing Scott would have been doing previous to IR. He’s the least proficient spellcaster of the group if only by virtue of his class, but access to paladin magic gives his fighting an extra kick which, along with the Battle Master maneuvers, makes him pretty damn dangerous with a sword. It also means he can cast Find Steed, and because said steed’s form can go beyond normal when permitted by the DM and we’re making the rules here I’m giving him a pegasus, which is about the fastest flying mount you could get as far as the monster manual goes. A roc would just be too much. Very VERY cool. But too much.

Virgil is a College of Lore bard into paladin. When it comes to support classes, nothing beats a College of Lore bard for versatility. He’s got the range, darling. Slap an arsenal of magic items on that and you’re well on your way to the d&d equivalent of Thunderbird 2. He has some good offensive spells and weapon training but mostly works to keep others from getting hurt. With a high constitution, the Tough feat, good armour and a shield he pretty much becomes a mobile wall to be put between danger and anyone who can’t take too many hits. Find Steed again lets me give him something interesting to ride, and what better than an owlbear. A big one. Not quite as appropriate stat-wise as the pegasus for Scott but when it comes to aesthetics I’m yet to find something as good as a bear-shaped and -sized owl.

John is predominantly a Divination wizard, with a low paladin level - two maximum - giving him access to a lot of powerful magic but leaving him, how do you say, squishy. Divination is gameplay-wise pretty underwhelming, with not many spells to its name, but for someone whose job is centred around keeping an eye on things, the ability to see very far away and receive premonitions is gonna be useful. The system by which distress calls are sent is giving me some concept trouble but when it comes to receiving it’s as easy as a focus with some capability to project images and sound, gear already necessary to cast Scrying. So, as in canon, rather than going out on missions (at least for the most part), it’s John’s job to keep tabs on incoming signals and active operations. This is all based in the previously mentioned temple - out of the way enough to let me call it a T5 equivalent. He also has the secondary job of making sure nothing else tries to take up residence in the decrepit building. They had to clear it of goblins the first time. As far as Eos goes I don’t have room for all my thoughts (so many) but let’s call her a sentient magic item. Additionally, TAG John probs gets a level or two in cleric.

Gordon is a paladin into druid, Circle of the Land (Coast). He and Alan didn't have any previous class levels before becoming paladins. Neither of his classes give any bonuses for it beyond proficiency for paladins but nobody can stop me from making his primary weapon a longbow, plus the Sharpshooter feat is helpful. Coast druid is the only subclass of any d&d class that has a specific focus on water and what could go wrong if we let him turn into animals? It also has some good circle spells, when he gets to that point. He’d probably have a lot of fun with Mirror Image. There was probably an incident that catalysed his becoming a druid, I'd like to think it's the equivalent of the boat crash just placed on a different point in the timeline. Might get into it at a later date.

Alan is just pure paladin, it's all he's really had time to do with his life so far beyond being a kid and growing up, y'know? I’ll get a little into the subclass here, all of IR’s 3rd level or higher paladins take Oath of Devotion. From the PHB: “These paladins meet the ideal of the knight in shining armor, acting with honor in pursuit of justice and the greater good.” Devotion’s core tenets are honesty, courage, compassion, honor, and duty. Also their Channel Divinity: Sacred Weapon is just really cool. Who doesn’t like glowing stuff, man. Alan's got some more powerful paladin abilities than any of his brothers but probably has the lowest total level regardless. Giving him the Athlete feat, which lets him jump and climb a lot easier, feels appropriate. He snuck a griffon home when it was a baby, and is trying to train it. It's not very well behaved and causes a ruckus when it gets bored but he adores it. One day it’ll make a phenomenal companion. For now, it will continue to attempt to eat his fingers.

Brains is an artificer! Love that class. Artificers, rather than casting spells (though they can do that), make magic items. The artificer class is from Unearthed Arcana and a lot of the mechanics can be hit or miss, it’s been revised many times by lots of different people. But when it comes to the basic idea, it’s the obvious choice for Brains. The less common a magic item, the longer it takes and harder it is to make. The higher level an artificer the more, and more powerful, their creations are. Pretty simple. Also pretty much every version of artificer you come across has some sort of option for a mechanical companion so there’s MAX for you.

Tin-Tin is also an artificer, with a few levels in paladin for good measure. Her time is split between making and repairing gear and going out on missions, and when on call is incredibly useful for lightning fixes and is incredibly creative when it comes to the ways magic items (and nonmagic items) can be used to get out of predicaments. This is the character who constantly has Inspiration. Kayo is an Assassin archetype rogue into paladin. Assassins do… a lot of damage. If you know much about d&d rules (I don’t expect you to), the only thing scarier than a bard, stat wise, is a rogue. +10 to stealth is pretty easy to get by 5th level, combine that with Sneak Attack and Assassinate and you can deal up to 26 damage in one hit with a dagger alone. I said I wouldn’t do any maths but I lied.

Penny doesn’t necessarily have any class levels, though rogue would be appropriate. She falls more under the NPC umbrella, somewhere between Noble and Spy, perhaps? NPCs have a lot less restrictions when it comes to what they can and can’t do laterally, but it’s harder to make them powerful without assigning a class. I also think it’d be really neat to use the fantasy setting to make her nonhuman. High elf would be fitting and cool, but she’d also make a fantastic tiefling. Though, like, call me biased, everyone would make a fantastic tiefling.

I think that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter right now. I have a lot more specific details that I’ll get to eventually but this post is more of a jumping off point listing some options for anyone else who might want to mess around with a d&d AU but doesn’t know where to start. Pick out things you like, ditch things you don’t, add whatever sounds cool, and honestly? Congratulations on getting through this whole thing. This post is kind of in shambles. And thanks! I love taking any excuse to pore over these books.

Shoot me an ask or something if anything’s too incomprehensible or there’s something up with the formatting. Later, skaters.