#not a lot of ppl who follow me here knows where the origins of what my cass was pre village

[tenelkadjowrites]

i've been putting off making a formal announcement on this blog but i think i've reached a point where i can say the blog as everyone knows it is...done. the hiatus has turned into a retirement of sorts.

basically, going forward, there is no promise of any fics being posted, no more tag lists, no more icon/header changes for a hwa fic, etc. fics can be posted randomly and not just be focused on hwa, it'll be about whatever catches my attention and i want to write a fic on. this could mean months upon months with no update. it could mean i never update again. idk i am not really focusing on it.

so yeah, thats the short version. longer version under the cut.

the thing about running this blog is that over time it ended up being whatever idea i had needed to be tweaked in order to feel comfortable post it here. that could be trying to put smut scenes in, or thinking about the dynamic and how it would come across to an audience, or if i went too long without posting and it would weigh on me.

after my move to toronto, i hit burn out with the blog. i missed writing original works, and i missed the genre exploration i liked to do with original pieces such as horror. i dealt with a sort of nagging guilt if i didn't post on here for long periods of time and i felt like if i kept pushing against how my brain was going, the fics posted here would suffer in quality.

ppl who have read this far know that i don't pay attention to the amount of notes i get on my fics. i write the ideas because i want to write them. that's been my rule and once i got the sense i was writing for the blog and not writing cuz i wanted to, i realized i needed to step away from it.

so going forward, the only time this blog will be updated is if i got a story idea that naturally and organically was planned as a fic in my head. this could mean no more hwa fics ever again. it could mean fics about random video game characters. it could mean more star wars fics. or it could mean i don't update for a really long time. i don't know what form it will take. i'm not really focusing on that.

while this blog was my primary focus, i met a lot of amazing people and ended up meeting people that now mean so much to me. i had tons of nice messages sent to me. i never thought i'd get 3k followers here and that wasn't my goal, it just ended up happening.

if you read all this, thanks, and thank you to everyone who took the time to read anything i posted, it means a lot. i'll be at the toronto ateez show if anyone wants to say hi.

my main blog is @hologramhoneymoon - you can follow me there for a lot of random reblogs from a lot of random things.

[shatteredfears-arch]

if you can’t tell i’m finally watching mark play the game lol

NOT REALLY DLC SPOILERS BUT ANYWAYS

honestly ethan got to see first hand that raising rose is truly just raising him and mia’s daughter bc she’s no different from either of them

[neil-gaiman]

hi neil! me again. won't be asking you for friend of dorothy origin sources this time promise. i also saw your talks at slu w a friend but they seem to have lost my question card so ill try here!

as someone whomst ppl seem incapable of being normal about, either worshipping the ground you walk on or despising you w a level of vitriol that seems disproportionate to your flaws, what advice do you have for aspiring writers who themselves might garner similar audiences on how to navigate intense parasocial relationships?

I guess the biggest piece of advice I have is it's only Chinatown. And for Chinatown, you can substitute Twitter or Tumblr or whatever.

I remember about seven years ago watching a post I'd made on Twitter turning into a dogpile. And it was particularly weird because in order for people to get upset enough to dogpile they had to pretend I meant something that I obviously didn't by it. And there were lots of people in the dogpile going "well, it would be rational not to take this absolutely literally but we now need to get shouty" and I was about to get very upset when my newish baby flipped himself onto his back for the very first time. And the Twitter nonsense became very trivial. And a day or two later it was forgotten.

There are people who have a relationship of some kind with someone they think I am, and those people don't really know me. And they aren't really part of my life. Whether they hate me or they love me. My friends are and my family are.

Or to put it another way, I remember a decade ago posting on Twitter that I was lonely. I had gone off on my own to write and I hadn't seen anyone in a few weeks. Someone replied incredulous that I could be lonely with hundreds of thousands of people following me and replying on Twitter, and I replied asking if anyone could bring me a cup of tea. But nobody did.

Nobody will.

And that's okay.

(And that's not to diminish actual relationships where you haven't met the person you are talking to in the flesh. But it's also, as the many catfish scams demonstrate, also not always the relationship you think you are in.)

[scribble-dee-vee]

Writeblr Intro circa 2024

Hi writeblr!! Sooo, I've been around here since about 2014. (Yes, I am ancient.) However, I've been dormant for the past 4-5 years. Blame college and a brief stint on Twitter. Now that I'm active again, I thought I should make an updated writeblr intro so ppl know my Deal. Basically, I want to engage with other folks who write fiction (esp original SF), and that's a little easier if I have a clear post that outlines what I do. Here to make connections and hear about your blorbos :)

About me

Hi, I'm Vee! They/them, 23, 💖 🤍 🧡

I do journalism/comms in western New York

My literary jam is feminist/adult SF and gothic lit (OG or modern) 🥀 ⚔️ 🌙

Enthusiastic about gay people, body horror, and sociopolitical allegories

I cook, run, play tabletop games, and occasionally draw. Other than that, I'm mostly writing (for work and for fun)

If you were on pre-2020 writeblr, you likely know me from my eight billion daily tag games. (I still like tag games and appreciate u for tagging me. I have also gained adult responsibilities and better mental health, so I respond very slowly now. <3)

Always happy to get asks or dms, tho as I've noted: I may reply slowly.

Sometimes open to beta read! I only read one longer project at a time, but it's always super fun :)

I tag very consistently – happy to tag triggers for followers/moots

Fun fact: I love mushroom hunting and worked as a mycology TA. #cottagecoreera 🍄 🧚‍♀️ 🌱

About my creative writing

I write,,,, feminist/adult SF with gothic leanings (surprise!)

Longform and short! Trying to do more short writing this year, and I'll likely share a bit on Tumblr. It's easier to clip a short story than a 150k novel, god bless.

The Aesthetic: moral g(r)ays, Victoriana, androids/cyborgs, Women™, monstrous femininity, incessant Hamlet/Frankenstein motifs, extremely boring socioeconomic worldbuilding, evil queens and/or dilfs, psychosexual witchcraft, probably a cat. Also, an ominous, plot-relevant letter laced with anthrax from your unhinged and brilliant ex-wife. Open if you dare.

Major projects

I'm going to be writing some short work this year, but these are the longer projects that I have going in the background. If I reblog blorbo-related text posts, they probably have something to do with these.

Let me know if you want to be added to any project-specific taglists 😎

Heart of Lead – Series

The big one

Perpetually evolving

Never ceasing

Pls send help I can't stop adding shit

5-book gothic fantasy epic that I'll definitely publish one day but probably no time soon! My bastard child, my wicked firstborn, my greatest love <3

Character-oriented political drama set in a pseudo-Victorian, dystopian oligarchy where everyone's heart is made out of metal. It's about coming of age and discovering queer identity in a world that is absolutely fucked. God is an extraterrestrial lesbian who gives ppl very traumatizing magic powers. There are cyborgs, shapeshifters, and morally gray women in STEM. It's tight as fuck idk what else what to tell u.

Book 1 is about achillean monarchists, and book 2 is about sapphic anarchists. There are only two genders, I guess.

At this point, I've drafted most of the books at least once. Working to refine a lot of raw material atm!

Tag: "heart of lead tag" or "hol tag"

Lost Letters – Book

Aka the current active HoL WIP, and book one in the revised series structure

Length: 80k as of now; around 120-140k when the first draft is finished, I presume.

Genre: adult fantasy, gothic, noir detective drama?? um?? If you want me to frame it in BookTok terms (why?) it's a dark academia villain x villain tragic romantasy. Hrgh.

Summary: Cyborg soldier goes to college, joins a shady socialite frat, and falls in love with the jilted heir-apparent to the throne. Hilarity ensues.

(By "hilarity," I mean a militant revolutionary faction and a tragedy of Greek proportions.)

POV characters: Charles (the cyborg), Dale (the heir), and Cecelia (Charles' sister, a junior detective, the love of my life and potentially the Chosen One???)

This book is twisty and dark and immensely fun to write.

I'm about halfway through the first full draft! Hoping to share snippets and vaguepost about my children here.

Tag: "lost letters tag" (also "hol tag," tho that one's less specific)

The Last of Mortal Tourists – Book

The next longform project on the docket!

Length: a standalone work that will hopefully fall on the shorter novel/novella spectrum.

Genre: literary SF, cyberqueer, psychological space quest

Summary: The consciousness of a dead coding genius, trapped inside a spaceship, seeks a new planet to sustain their sister, the last surviving human, after the destruction of Earth.

If you're here to get wildly philosophical about gender and the myth of essential self, this is the story for you! That's why I'm writing it, lol. 🏳️‍⚧️ 🚀 🤖

This one started out as a short story (100% finished) which I want to expand.

POV: Archer Alto, the coder. Spaceship? Human? Soul?

Supporting Cast: Pandora, the last human, and Abby, a holographic impression of Archer's childhood consciousness

Tag: "the last of mortal tourists tag" or "tlomt tag"

If you read all this way, you get a whole bouquet of flowers that are certainly NOT poisonous: 🌸 🌹 💐 🥀 🌺

<3

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hi ari!!!! hope you’re doing well!! 🐟🐟 these days the weather is so so nice and the sea is so tempting……………… i went ahead and took some days to swim like the fish i am! surprisingly the water wasn’t so cold and it seems i wasn’t the only one who thought of swimming because the beach was full of people 🙂‍↕️ it was really fun!

anyway!! i wanted to ask you, which films and/or cinematic universes you think your jjk favs would suit the most??? :33 if it is too restraining you can name tv series, of course!!

(p.s.: oh, i’m glad you liked my silly rant about statue!gojo TT 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 it has been rotting in my mind for months now but i’m a procrastinator and i have too many wips… i think it might be that summer is near and i’m super inspired but i don’t know where to begin lmaooo. my notebook is overflowing with half-finished prompts and chapters that are waiting to be completed……. 😭😭) — 🐟 anon

HIIIII MY LITTLE 🐟 ANON!!!! :33

i’m so happy that it’s getting warmer where you are!!!!! the weather is starting to take a turn for the better here too hehe….. but wahhh!!!! beach trips!!!!!!! i miss them i do…. you’ll have to have double the fun for both of us!!! <3333

AND . GULP. that’s a super fun question and also super tough bc i don’t watch …. a lot of movies……… 😔😔 i’ve been watching more recently!!!! but honestly i have a lot of trouble remembering series and movies that i’ve watched….. my brain doesn’t store a lot of them. HOWEVER . yk what i do watch??? and adore????

……. musicals >:33

so here are some musicals that i associate w my jjk favs!!! I HOPE THAT’S OKAY… i got a little too into it i think 😭

gojo - legally blonde

I JUST THINK HE WOULD LOVE IT SO MUCH……….. i know him personally . honestly i would’ve given him the movie if i had followed your original assignment bc it just screams gojo to me either way!!!! i think he loves chickflicks. :3 and this is definitely one of his comfort movies…… the musical is also just SUCH a bop i knowwwww this man is terrorizing his coworkers by singing ”gay or european” in broad daylight (specifically to nanami)……

sugu - the phantom of the opera

THE PHANTOMMMMMMM OF THE OPERA IS HEREEEEEEEE 🎶🎶🎶🎶 …. <- sugu doesn’t sing along to musicals + doesn’t rlly like them that much in general but i know in my heart and soul that he would hum this part quietly to himself . what can i say….. this is just a very classy musical that i think would appeal to him <3333 he’d read the book beforehand too. he’s a lil pretentious but it’s okay :3 he’s veryyyy picky abt what musical renditions he enjoys tho…….

shoko - the guy who didn’t like musicals

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE MUSICAL OF ALL TIMEEEEE <333333 i just know she’d adore it. the blend between horror and comedy is soooo shoko and i feel like she wouldn’t like musicals at ALL lmao so she’d appreciate the meta commentary!!!! it’s just. suchhhh a good musical….. i love starkid so much it hurts………… AND THE WHOLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE THINGGG she would eat that up!!!! pls watch this one if you haven’t 🐟 anon you can find the full thing on yt and it’s INCREDIBLE i’ve watched it like 10 times!!!! it’s my most beloved!!!!

kenny - beetlejuice

BEETLEJUICE 👏 BEETLEJUICE 👏👏 BEETLEJUICE 👏👏👏 okay so i actually lied this one is ALSO my absolute favorite . and i’m giving it to kenny solely based on vibes :3 HE REMINDS ME OF BEETLEJUICE OK…. and i think he’d love it a lot. the songs are so fucking good and i know he’d appreciate them. the theme of life/death is also very kenny obv !!!!

toji - black friday

ANOTHER STARKID MUSICAL. this one is just…… soooo good and funny and also . tragic. one of the characters reminds me a lot of toji :’3 former veteran w a dead wife…. who struggles to show his son how much he cares…… and the theme of capitalism and money and how it corrupts ppl also feels in line w toji’s character!! but above all else this musical is abt. Family. and that’s more toji than anything!!! :((( this is another musical that i rlly recommend checking out, it’s set in the same universe as the guy who didn’t like musicals but like . an alternate timeline. it’s not my favorite in the series but the songs slap and it made me cry so <3333 yeah.

nobara - heathers

was lowkey considering six the musical for my beloved nobara (bc of the gorgeous women and catchy fun songs) but . i think heathers fits her more!!!! i just feel like she’d ADORE it…… i know she’s singing along at the top of her lungs too LMAO especially to dead girl walking <3333 it’s just such a fun badass musical and i think she’d be obsessed. she does NOT like jd tho god bless 🙏🙏

[transhawks]

Not to start shit but even though the whole thing abt touya being the firstborn would affect him given how japan works how is ppl not paying too much attention to that means dabi being misunderstood by readers? That was not the point of his story was it?? I mean the only thing enji denied touya was a normal family life with not abused ppl. And we saw touya feeling the pressure of him needing to be The Best/Strongest so that endvr would at least look at him like??????

I think there's a lot of holdover to pre-reveal, in the sense where a lot of us assumed Dabi was Shouto 2.0. At least I get that sense when I see how much people really like fanon!Dabi.

we assumed that he was abused and forced into training and resentful of it from the start, much like we see Shouto is. (Not saying he was not abused, but the way he was abused and his own perception of it was very different). The assumption was that Touya would have never wanted to be a hero, to do what his dad wanted, etc. The speculation was that Endeavor pushed him harder and harder to meet his expectations when it was the opposite. Enji ran off like a coward, unsure of how to be a real dad, Touya then pushed himself to death trying to retain any bit of his father's attention and love the only way he knew how.

We were very wrong, essentially, and the birth order and cultural expectations only accentuate how much more Touya was willing to follow in his father's footsteps. Where the bulk of his contention with his father was his father's abandonment and inability to be a father to him outside of hero parameters.

That's why Deku's it's your power didn't work. Where Shouto struggled for a sense of self and autonomy outside of Endeavor, that was not what Dabi wanted, Dabi wants his father to choose and see him, he wants his father legacy, his father's love, etc. Yes, he is aware his father is abusive, the whole marriage and premise of their lives was fucked up from the start. But I keep saying just because Touya knows this rationally doesn't mean it really sinks in - he's jealous of Shouto, he wishes he was in his position and outright tells Shouto that Shouto is squandering it.

And yes that means also just his rights as firstborn. Endeavor throwing aside tradition - what did Touya have? Not his dad's love, not his name, not his place in the world. I think this is probably where Western readers struggle most of get how much life has traditionally been decided for you worldwide by your parents.

I think this is why the nepotism debate to me is wild too - people following in their parents' footsteps has always been the norm rather than exception. Japan had a whole caste system originally based on employment for centuries. Your life was defined by your great x10 grandfather was a gardener and you had no choice but to be a gardener too.

Enji destroyed that sort of life for Touya. Our parents love is about so much and a lot of it is about our parents being able to raise us into people who can take on the world. Touya was discarded; the place in the world he should have had as a firstborn was destroyed through his father's ambitions. Enji replaced him not only in his own personal ambitions but in his place as a son.

And again, Touya loved his father. I keep emphasizing this but he is not Shouto and the two have very different relationships to Enji early on. The lack of love back is really exemplified in how much Enji doesn't account for Touya's future and what it looks like to so openly throwaway the expectations you would have in an old titled family like Rei's in favor of the youngest son.

Yeah, I just think the cultural nuance is important here. It adds weight to Touya's devastation and why he wants his father's attention and approval as much as he does.

[darlin-djarin]

Hiya! I've been lowkey stalking ur blog for the last few weeks bcs i recently got rllllllly into dinluke and saw ur recent post about fic, so now I'm wondering if you have any reccs (dinluke ofc)?! I like ur content and read ur tags so I'd say our taste in fic probably overlaps. Hope you have a nice day!! 🌻

hey!! and yeah i’ve got a few fics that i think a lot of dinlukers might like

first let me link @transmascskywalker's list because that’s where i started out originally!!

now as for my fic recs~

some of these fics might overlap, i’m just putting down the ones i loved most. i’m sure i’ve read tons more but these are the ones i found that you can busy yourself with :)

The Storm by shirozora

Din Djarin needs a new ship.

Greef Karga makes him a deal - do some work for the guild and he'll get a brand new gunship. One such job takes him to a planet with a volatile storm system to track down a double-crossing bounty hunter. What he doesn't know is that the bounty hunter is there to loot an ancient Jedi temple. What neither of them know is that someone else is also on the planet searching for the temple.

And then the storm rolls in.

in-universe

sfw

multichapter/parts

my comfort fic btw ^^ i’ve read it so many times

Mystery Man by snapdragonpop007

Luke is seeing someone, apparently.

And really, it’s none of Anakin’s business.

Really.

modern au

sfw

multichapter/parts

one of the best, funniest fics i’ve ever read ^^

Unfold by SilverScriptings

Han can’t help but be suspicious of a certain Mandalorian who’s been spending an awful lot of time at the Jedi Temple…

in-universe

sfw

multichapter/parts

A Little Farther Down the Line by Chromat1cs

Austin, Texas, 1973. Din Djarin plays the guitar, worries about his kid, and runs aimlessly from a past that pulled the roof down around his ears. When a stunningly-talented duo of up-and-coming performers turns Din’s plans of being a simple session musician clear on their head, Din must decide between the safety of mundanity or the unlooked-at thrill of following his heart lest the tape run out on this track of his life before he’s through recording it.

modern (1970’s) au

nsfw

multichapter

the warmest bed i’ve ever known by ceedawks

pre-original series, din djarin is injured on a remote planet and found by an incessantly chatty farm boy named luke skywalker || i won't ask you to wait, if you don't ask me to stay || aka "making out with hot farm boys doesn't count as breaking the creed if he's blindfolded during it".

pre-ANH/meet on tatooine au (in-universe)

nsfw

multichapter

We Two Scorched the Earth by annathaema (moony)

That left Luke with a much bigger problem: The Sand People knew he was here, they’d likely sabotaged or stolen the speeder by now, and he was stranded in a cave with nothing but a rifle with three rounds left, a survival pack good for only a couple of days, and no transport home. Great. Luke leaned against the wall of the cave and tipped his head back, thumping the back of it against the stone over and over. He closed his eyes and wished for rescue.

Someone groaned.

pre-ANH/meet on tatooine au (in-universe)

nsfw

oneshot

Never leaving well enough alone by DarkIsRising

or Five Times Din and Luke Met (and one time they never parted)

He’s drunk, and he isn’t quite sure how that happened. That’s not true, Luke does remember vaguely how it happened, more or less, and it all started with Han.

in-universe

nsfw

multichapter

Yoda’s Academy for Li’l Padawans by MissDinahDarling

Being a new student is hard.

Being a new student whilst your socially awkward father avoids the school at all costs and your new teacher pines uselessly over a man he’s never met before is even worse.

But by god, Grogu is gonna get through this.

modern au

sfw

multichapter

Just Like Heaven by Kushana

At first, he watches.

Then, he touches.

in-universe

sfw (both aroace ^^)

oneshot

Romance As a Series of Debacles by The SexierEvilerCora

Han stumbles on a golden opportunity to make life difficult for Boba Fett, and drags Luke along as backup to crash a Mandalorian party.

Things do not go as planned for anyone involved.

modern au

nsfw

it’s unfinished with only one chapter but it’s still worth the read

Honey Lemon Popsicle by coffeecatsme

“Good morning,” Luke chirps, not even looking up from the stove, “my honey bunches of oats.”

Din blinks several times, trying to get his muscles to unfreeze, and opens his mouth.

Then closes it.

Then opens it again. “What did you just call me?”

5 times Luke calls Din increasingly weird pet names, and 1 time he finds out Din likes it.

modern au

sfw

oneshot

Restraint and Relaxation by Aureutr_Accoredge

Queen Amidala is sick of watching her son run himself ragged for every good cause he finds. When he collapses at his sister's engagement gala, it is the last straw.

Luke balks, so she summons one of her Mandalorian Knights to take him to the family's lakeside villa to make him rest.

By any means necessary

in-universe

nsfw

oneshot (v good ^^)

these are all the ones i recommend for now! i’ve read other really good fics, but these ones ^^ are the ones i’ve found myself return to at least one way or the other.

please let me know if you're looking for something more specific as well!! i'll do my best to find something for your tastes

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this girl one time wanted to have sex with me and when i asked to use a condom she laughed it off and said it wasnt cool, and began to chip away at my boundary until i gave her what she wanted. she kept trying to get me to do things and i would say no, and she would continue asking anyway. in bed she said something like “you said you would” and that legitimately scared me, because it seemed like she was just blatantly lying to my face, or just forgot. then she called herself a succubus (A DEMON) and my gut screamed at me to be careful around her. sorry this may be TMI, but im anon so whatever, she said i could nut in her, which is the complete opposite of my original boundary. she was so sweet otherwise and communicated really good. except for when i texted her my concerns about being manipulated. she just became really defensive. im really happy im not “under her spell” anymore. i dont know what she was trying to do, but she could have hurt me really bad

its not tmi, its ok, you know me :p <3.. im sorry your boundaries were disrespected :( ill put my answer under read more cus its probly gona be long , this message had me contemplating some things..

IMO : sex is so tricky its been a struggle my whole life to understand how i feel about it & where my boundaries lie + allowing myself to express them so i understand the struggle u present here altho it's a different perspective.. some people use sex as a vehicle to gain power over others, by way of luring their partner into a state of vulnerability, i dont think that's something demonic necessarily i think it's usually more surface level than that. however

you do see a huge rise in the amount of ppl kind of, trying to personify the succubus nowadays? ppl have always wanted to be sexy but it's like different than the way ppl wanted to be sexy when i was younger. it got rly mainstream to have kind of a demon aesthetic if that makes sense? when i was younger this stuff was reserved for the relentlessly bullied & punished Goth and Emo kids.

but ok when i worked at spencers gifts in 2021/22 they had all these shirts of anime succubus girls getting choked and in bondage n shit, and these shirts were their best sellers they were outselling most the band tees and franchises like naruto.. and im telling youuu it was like, the youngest girls always buying these shirts, it made me so uncomfortable!! sometimes i would walk away and get my coworker to ring them up cus i was like nah im not selling a child that shit...but it really made me think like wow if i was in 7th grade and wore this shit to school it wou;dve been like wearing a giant KICK MY ASS!!!! target on my back but it's like, a popular thing rn.

and im not saying the bullying should return ofc, not the point. but it lead me down the string of thought wondering why this stuff is being pushed into the mainstream so heavily. sex sells i guess $$$ but yeah i think right now it's especially common to refer to yourself as a succubus if you're trying to feel a sense of power as a woman. because as a woman there are very few ways to gain power other than using sex. and many people want power! but i dont think most of them are demonic. just lost..

still its good u followed ur instinct to stay away from that girl because it is really cruel to manipulate someone in a moment where they've trusted you enough to be close to them like that.

yeah i think its rly rare for someone to be in some true demonic possession shit but i feel there can be dark things that linger *around* people who have weak spiritual armor and sort of, feast off their energy & create misfortunes around the person that generate bad energy for it to feed off of. but i dont think they have too much control over your actions like i would imagine for someone who's truly possessed. i feel a lot of ppl have these sort of ambient malignant attachments especially if they keep a lot of dark imagery & symbols around thinking it's just an aesthetic.

thas just my thoughts....really bored tonite so im typing a lot.... i love sex i think it can be so beautiful and restoring, it helps me feel so much happier in life to have good sex regularly i dont think sex or sexiness is evil. i just think its easy for ppl w bad intentions to turn it into this whole twisted ass mind game when it shld rly b so simple and natural and a loving connection that sets u free......be safe out there anon be discerning! protect you heart..<3

[wulvert]

hey hi..... do you mind if i ask abt your ocs they look so fucking silly. what are their names. what's their family like. are they romantically involved they look like they kiss in a non platonic way.

hello! yes you can! I'm assuming you're talking about these guys cuz the rest have comics and these guys dont!

(I'm assuming. if u somehow found my tumblr organically- I make comics about my ocs here's a link to my webtoon acc (theyve been going on a while they start out pretty crusty sorry https://www.webtoons.com/en/creator/wulvert ) (paperteeths moving to webtoon originals so ppl who havent read it: nows probably a good time if u wanna catch the canvas version) (I just assume everyone who follows me has.)

so yeah for these ocs I went over the basics in this post:

axebodyspray is officially named Ax at this point, and pz while I call her pz for easyness I think lotties canon as her name now, or lot because i'm lazy.

pzs family is nice! she does not remember them at all. but they love her and do not know why she's not picking up their calls! they would love her even if she was a goo.

ax doesn't really have a family, she has humans she grew up knowing, most of them are dead, other than that nope. her relatives on earth are still alive, they have no idea what happened to her. she's legally dead on earth and has 0 information about that, wouldn't know where to begin if she wanted to figure that out.

they are! they do kiss in a non platonic way.

but if you were talking about my other ocs im sorry!!!!!!!

averys family sucks, scarlets family is worried about her, texs family is a whole thing. I've answered a lot of asks about them in like disturbing depth. paragraphs, my laptop usually starts to lag when im done ( I don't have a great tagging system, all my asks are tagged asks but I should probably label them better)

[nerves-nebula]

k im gonna be in my feelings about my race again so here we go

i sometimes worry that the way my mom raised me has made me permanently cut off from other black people, because she never seriously called us black. she was racist about a lot of stuff but she specifically insisted that if we wrote our race down on a form we would check both black and white, or just "other", or black, white, AND other.

i've talked about this before but i never referred to myself as black until i was about 15, maybe 16, so for the majority of my life i wasn't black i was just "mixed" and black americans were a group of people neither my mom nor my dad wanted me to be.

i still remember sitting in the gym and hearing some guy trying to tell his friend where he'd put his backpack or something, and he'd said it was next to "the black girl with long hair" and his friend stopped by ME and looked back for confirmation, before his friend told him he meant the other one further down. and idk how to explain this feeling.

cuz like, i was homeschooled, so i didnt even have the chance for other people to call me black. i only met the people my mom wanted me to meet until high school. ironically, it felt kind of like passing, which is absurd for two reasons:

the history of the word "passing" originates from (i believe, though i might be remembering wrong) black people who could "pass" as white deciding to do that and disengage from identifying as black. so the fact that i'm referring to it but like positively and in reference to how it feels as a trans person to get gendered correctly is kind of funny.

i am literally black. im not even so light skin/white featured that i could be mistaken for white i am LITERALLY VISIBLY A BLACK PERSON my dad is from NIGERIA

and yet!! i was relieved that someone else called me one unprompted because i was and still am sort of afraid that everyone else can tell i am Not Like Them. that i was raised to think i'm not like them. that i'm not Really Black, that I'm new at this cuz i only started calling myself black a few years ago. i know that my experiences are black american experiences because i'm a black american but i just. i worry that the opportunity to be a part of a black community will never happen!!!

but then i see my siblings. my younger brother is fully culturally a black american. he did a lot of sports growing up so he picked up a lot of black american subculture from the other kids there, and my oldest sister is getting more in touch with black communities too. they're like an activist and do politics and shit. i'm not sure what it is i need to do but i can see that it's possible i just need to fuckin!! talk to more black people!! go to black events!! but i can't because i'm an agoraphobic freak that doesn't go anywhere i don't HAVE to go!! and i feel like i don't belong with black people because i've had it drilled into me by my mom that i'm not one of them and i'm not black enough and it's laughable to call myself black.

but im not even sure if i can vent to black people about this cuz it sounds like i'm whining about having to be black or something that isnt a real problem but it really fucks with me sometimes it's like fucking race dysphoria or something (can't think of a better word for it sorry)

anyway the point is i'm fine i'll figure it out. i just need to keep trying. i try to find black people online and become painfully aware of the fact that i don't know how to find them and just have to keep searching shit like #black queer or #black artist until i find some ppl i wanna follow.

special circle in hell for ppl who give their kids racial complexes.

[ganonfan1995]

totk spoilers

just thoughts on totk thus far

I keep seeing ppl say they've done away with the triforce in totk...but like....im 99% sure that's what the secret stones are supposed to be.

The triforce itself is comprised of the combined power of the royal 3.

But they also seem to work 1:1 like the triforce did in like LTTP.

Also there's 8 pieces which calls back to LoZ 2.

I'm not done the game yet, but totk seems to rehashing a LOT of older lore mixed with more recent lore. Notably, this game feels like its primarily touching on the first 3 games, plus OOT, with some of the better ideas from SS.

You see implications of who the gods truly are (apparently colonizing aliens who descended upon the land to mine its resources...which was something implied in SS quite blatantly???)

But it also adds context to the original 3 goddesses, implying that they had been ancient Zonai who posed as gods to the original inhabitants of Hyrule. Later becoming dragons and mythologized after thousands of years. (also me pogging that the light dragons stoney spines are the same colours as the goddess plumes!?!?!?? idk what that means but cool?????????)

I also don't know if they touch on this later, but it really seems like the Sheikah, esp the ancient Sheikah, were Hylians who specifically followed in the footsteps of the Zonai. I think this makes sense, and ties them to previous games where they were a tribe/clan/family of ninja who were closest to the gods. And since Zonai fancy themselves gods (or at least the ancient Hylians did, I don't think they were tbh) , this kind of clarifies that relationship/connection. Maybe they have a specific tie to Mineru, which would reiterate their bond to the royal family. But that might be over complicating things, since at least in botw they're just like, straight up ninja. But who knows, maybe not??

Also the young dumb idiot energy that Rauru brings is great. Big fan of young fucko who thinks he can be a good king but inherently fucks up because that's impossible, girl ur a monarch, is super interesting. wanna take him by the ears and look him dead in the eyes like, buddy you legit should not have taken those fucking stones out and just lived a quiet life in the woods...but then we'd be without a game. 🙄

I'm still collecting the slabs, the small snippets you get of both he and Sonia's relationship and characters are so fun. Sonia is also great, wish we got a bit more of her tho.

I'm really enjoying Ganondorf, he's a bit understated, but it's been interesting to see him younger than we ever have, right before the unification wars, head full of poetry and ambition. Why he green tho???????

Also really interesting how they've loosened the whole "hylia" stuff in favor for just "goddess"

Very much loving that Link is no longer a knight, but a swordsman who travels around helping people out. Total folklore/fairytale vibes, 10/10!! Also I feel like I'm connecting to him much more in this game, I really could never get behind the devout knight energy. He's a folk hero, he's here for the love of the game, and so am I!

Also mfw "Link...interesting...I look forward to meeting him." my man's been pining to meet ME for thousands of years, confirmed. I read homestuck, I know a black-rom relationship when I see one. (swooning)

[vorpalfae]

coffindollie copied your intro post

" copied this copied that "

i've gotten so many messages accusing ppl of "copying" me. or accusing me of "copying" others.

literally just let ppl do why makes them happy. if it looks similar to mine then who cares??? i think its cool that they like similar things as me. thats why i follow her. im not here to dictate what ppl can and can't like or can and can't post on their OWN blog. if it makes her happy then thats fine!!

idk if u genuinely were trying to warn me with good intentions or ur just trying to cause drama, but just know:

i do not care. i do not care what other ppl do online, i do not care what ppl do with their lives or how they choose to dress, portay themselves, etc. i do not care if they have a similar aesthetic or vibes as me. i LOVE meeting ppl who i have stuff in common with💜

i'm going to be 26 years old in a matter of days and i don't have the time, energy or desire to put others down or make them feel bad because they like my aesthetic or like the same aesthetic as me. its just childish. everyone takes inspiration from everyone. its very, very hard to find anything that is 100% unique and hasn't been done before. its 2023. what is the point of accusing ppl and being mean just because they like something that you also like? when u could literally just be friends with them and have a community where u can share ideas and bond over interests. i love @coffindollie and her blog. i love all her edits and her overall aesthetic. i love that we post a lot of the same stuff. i share her posts all the time because i like them.

just be nice to ppl. let them do what they want. the accusations and drama are so unnecessary and ugly and i don't want any part in it. i've had more than my fair share of having to deal with bullies and ppl just wanting to be cruel to others and i don't care about that shit anymore.

unless someone blatantly plagiarized my art, like my crochet, or my writing, or original artwork, then i don't care. and edits don't count as original artwork. because if we are being honest, 99% of the posts and edits ppl make on tumblr are NOT made with their own original photos and artwork. ppl post stuff from pinterest, google, deviant art, web archives, ebay, etc. and i like that. i love that tumblr allows ppl to share things they've found and give others the opportunity to make pretty edits or share them again on their own blogs. if i like something then i post it. nothing i post is with the intention of wanting to be like anybody else. it just means i genuinely LIKE that thing. and im almost positive that anybody doing something similar as me is doing it because they LIKE it. not to "copy" me.

thats just a weird, negative, and creepy way of thinking. ive seen plenty of stuff that looks almost identical to what ive done. and when i was younger and immature, it USED to bother me. but now i know its because i inspire ppl, or i may have introduced someone to something, or because i have good taste in a lot of things! its actually a compliment! if someone does the same thing you do its because what ur doing is obviously appealing to them in some way, or they wouldn't have done it in the first place.

trigger warning for this next part:

sorry for the rant, but im just so over it. im tired of ppl trying to start drama with ppl they don't even know. or trying to bring me into drama. i don't hate anybody or have issues with anyone. it makes me have so much anxiety when ppl are unnecessarily mean. i myself have been a victim of bullying to the point of harming myself or attempting suicide. its not okay. and i still don't understand why ppl are fine with making others feel bad about themselves.

im just here to post what interests me and what makes me happy. im not by any means a gatekeeper of my style or my interests. if u love the same stuff as me then lets be friends💜🖤 i would love to meet u and discuss our interests together 🥰

[jack-kellys]

Détective au + afterlife au for the ask game!!

what's quite funny about this ask is that it became a ghost hunting/destroying storyline and then maybe two hours into writing the snippet i got a ghost hunting au + something else ask. more for me!!

i have a lot but u can send me more randomized aus!

okay SO! recently i saw this 8 episode show called lockwood & co on netflix (originally a book series) and it was sort of a weird first season to follow without the lingo and historical context of the world so basically this is an au adjacent to that concept. inspired by, if you will. one thing that's important is that young ppl lowkey function as living tools to listen to, see, or feel ghosts' energy. so they are tasked with destroying ghosts. without further ado here's a 1.6k word scene of a one-shot idea i'll finish eventually!

–––

Sarah and David stood at the door together, the eerie home where their research had brought them. A haunted item, some music box, had been being bought and sold across the city, only leaving haunting incidents in its wake. It wasn��t hard for the spirit within to free itself with all that travel and the likely lack of protection the music box had undergone. David had tracked the hauntings, cross-referenced with recent black market sales, and estimated the next location via finding the latest buyer’s home. Sarah had surmised the threat level based on the hauntings (the deaths; there had been ten recent ones of hypothermia, which could only mean a ghost’s touch), finding police reports and tapping their forensics friend Finch to properly place what kind of threat they’d be dealing with. 

And now, armed with iron bullets, chest plates, and lined gloves among other things, Sarah tried the doorknob. Unlocked. 

The twins shared a look, David nodding and fingering his pistol as Sarah carefully opened the door.

An iron blade poked into David’s throat, both siblings freezing in place. After a moment, David groaned.

Holding the sword was ex-detective Jack Kelly, who looked about as shocked as David had been. His two brothers-in-arms, Charlie and Anthony, flanked his sides with their own weapons drawn. 

“Who gave you this case?” Jack demanded in a whisper, while Sarah scoffed. 

“Who gave you this case?” she countered. “You’re not registered detectives anymore, Kelly. You can’t be here.”

“And somehow, we were here first,” Anthony grinned. “If we cracked it better and quicker than you, then I think we gotta be the right people to be here.”

“Too many of us’ll make us dead a lot faster, so you guys should go,” Charlie nodded. “We got it covered.”

David scowled, guiding Jack’s iron away from his neck with a finger.

“Not a chance in hell,” he muttered, marching past all of them. “Follow me.”

After a moment of hesitation, he heard footsteps behind him, and his own grew more sure. 

The old hardwood of the house barely creaked under their feet, careful of the noise they made as they were essentially breaking and entering– it was the buyer’s property, and David wasn’t sure if the man was home or not. Essentially, all they had to do was secure the music box and get it to their detective agency, to determine if it should be stored or if it was safer to destroy it. Spirits were mostly tied to objects, and since these specific hauntings had been within a short radius of the box, it had to be the spirit’s physical connection. But where in the house the box could be was another matter. 

David’s hand found his sister’s, letting her take it and closing his eyes. Listening.

“Right,” he heard Jack drawl out. “The spirit gonna give us directions?”

“You know it doesn’t work that way,” David sighed, “or I’d be calling you an empath.”

“He does love his crystals,” Charlie teased, and David heard a small rustling between the two brothers, likely from Jack pushing the other.

“Quiet,” he said softly, suddenly, a small sound at the back of his head. Mechanical, a trill of gears tapping and moving to his left. He drifted toward it, allowing Sarah to guide his steps. The sound moved forward, between his eyes now as the noise of it came more into focus. It wasn’t tinny, wasn’t machine-like despite the ticking and tapping of it. He felt his feet hit the stairs, and cautiously started up them.

“What are you hearing?” Sarah whispered, resting her other hand on David’s back.

“It’s fluid,” he murmured, “as much as a music box can be, anyway. Guessing it’s because of the spirit’s post-life being attached- or… combined with it.”

“I’d rather fight a ghost than a box, so let’s not hope ‘combined’,” Anthony muttered behind him. Jack stifled a laugh, before letting out another one. David heard the railing’s wood creak, maybe a hand tightening around it.

“Wasn’t that funny, Jack,” Anthony said. “Now you’re just patronizing me.”

“I know, you’re not that-” Another giggle broke it off, what sounded like a hand slapping over Jack’s mouth as they made it to the top of the stairs. The fluid sound grew louder in David’s ears. Melodic, bright, and pretty, a swirling tune that tried to make David smile.

His eyes flew open with a small gasp, squeezing Sarah’s hand.

“Something’s wrong,” he murmured. “The spirit sounds too strong, we have to find that box- we have to find out if the buyer’s still- …alive.”

His gaze had landed on Jack, hunched over the banisher with his shoulders shaking as his brothers tried to get him to look at them.

“Jack,” Sarah hissed, “what do you feel?”

“Come on,” Charlie encouraged, rubbing Jack’s back. “Jackie, you’re okay, come on.”

“It’s- kind of…” Jack started, falling into a strained batch of giggles again. He lifted his head, fingers pressed to his temples and pained look on his face while a smile resided on his lips. He shook his head, laughing again. “Very.. happy. It’s happy, that kinda bubbly ecstatic feeling? You should…” 

Jack grinned, lopsided and loose, and David stepped back. They had to get him out of here.

“You should check- on the buyer,” he laughed, curling into himself. “You should- oh, man, you should–hahaha–check on the buyer…” 

“Fuck. Fuck,” Sarah breathed, hand on her sword. “Charlie, stay with Jack. You two, with me.”

David nodded, glancing at Anthony before casting his gaze at Jack once again. The boy couldn’t hold it in anymore, wheezing with delirious laughter as Charlie leaned against the bannister with his iron cane at the ready. David tore his eyes away, running after Sarah.

The noise, the music was present in David’s ears now without him even trying to concentrate, loud and repeating and quite beautiful. He gripped his forehead between his index finger and thumb, trying to silence it while he drew his pistol. Sarah kicked open the bedroom door, and the pretty music faded away from him. 

“Oh, shit,” Anthony sighed out, crossing over to the bed. A body laid there, with skin chilled and lips blued and eyes grayed. “Well, there’s our buyer. How’d Jack know by a feeling?”

“And why would a ghost in a music box be happy to kill?” Sarah frowned. “Spirits don’t often know they’re killing others, that’s…”

And then noise as a whole left completely, David’s eyes falling on an object on the dresser as the world fell into static silence. It was ornate, rectangular, with run-down gold moldings on its edges and glossed rose along its top and sides. He stepped towards it, wanting to investigate the rest of it. Look at it, look into it. Wanting to open it, wanting to hear it again, so pretty and soft...

“-avid!”

He winced at the surge of live sounds- walls creaking, Sarah’s voice, her feet on the carpet, the clink of Anthony’s pistols in their holsters. Something was in his hands, rectangular, and he could hear Jack’s laughter shriek in amusement from down the hall.

“Don’t open it,” she was saying, her eyes wide. Anthony was still by the bed, hands by his hips, fingers spread. “David. Don’t. Just give it to me.”

David’s gaze dropped to what was in his hands, the pretty music box occupying his vision again. All he had to do was tug his finger towards himself, and he’d hear the song again. That was all he had to do. 

“No,” he said suddenly, though his grip tightened on it.

“No?” Anthony scoffed, shifting on his feet a bit- a more active stance. “For the know-it-all, you sure are stupid. Drop it, Jacobs. Now.”

“All we have to do is get it in the iron sack,” Sarah said softly, shooting Anthony a look. “David, just let go, and I’ll put it in. Don’t listen to whatever you’re hearing–”

“I’m not hearing anything,” he interjected. “I can’t hear it, it’s in my head, Saz, so if I just- if I open it then it could counter it–”

“No way,” Anthony said, shaking his head. “It’s like Charlie said. The more of us there are the easier we wind up dead, so don’t try shit to make that true.”

“But what if- if it could counter what Jack’s going through too?” David tried. “He’s sick with it, it’s contained in him right now, right? If we open it, we can release it.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying right now,” Sarah said, her voice the material of her weapon. David watched her hands take hold of the box in his grasp. “You’re not in your right mind, Ach. Let go.”

“Once it’s open, we can put it in the bag,” David scoffed. “That’ll make sure the spirit stays trapped and Jack and I will be fixed-”

She tugged it, like they were seven years old again, and David tugged it back.

“Jesus christ,” Anthony muttered. Swiftly, he pulled out a pistol, David glancing up to see the circular, hollow barrel of it.

“You’re insane,” David scoffed. 

“That’d be you,” Anthony sneered. “Drop it.”

“Fine.”

David raised his hands over his head, and the box went flying behind him. 

Sarah shoved him aside, Anthony raced around the bed, and David watched as it hit the ground.

A bright, tinkling sound filled the room as Anthony drew both his guns and Sarah raised her sword, both stepping back as a flickering shape rose into the air. David’s brain felt noisy, but… grounded. Clearer, feeling a bit sick though present. 

“She’s in a fuckin’ tutu,” Anthony sputtered out, eyes wide. David didn’t have the clearest sight when it came to spirits’ physical forms, only a flicking outline. “She’s a dancer, and… she’s smiling.”

And Jack’s laughing hadn’t stopped.

[mariska]

hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:

later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.

right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!

i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.

ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.

....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.

[demiesworld]

this is word vomit, me rambling, and basically just saying shit!! at the end i am thanking my followers for helping me reach 1k!!

i started this side-blog back in late april to early may just thinking that this was just going to be a fluke. originally i had only planned to just post more random shit on here, reblog some anime stuff, and just do whatever i wanted. there were times where i was like "im going to delete this blog", "im losing my interest", "this ain't getting me nowhere", just pessimistic thoughts.

that all changed when i started writing for anime. my very first post was a stupid "toman as stupid shit i did in my life" post which garnered some good attention. ppl liked it. then a little bit later i decided to write "tokyo revengers reaction to how you fight" and ppl LOVED IT lol i was so happy reading through the feedback about how the reader was depicted as being badass and strong.

later i got myself more involved into the anime fandom. i started watching demon slayer after a previous co-worker of mine mentioned to me that i should watch it bc it was a good anime. and it is!! demon slayer is one of the most popular animes out there imo. so when i began watching demon slayer i wanted to write content for the demon slayer fandom as well. now originally i wanted to write my first demon slayer fanfic with tengen x reader, but i was already hooked onto season 4 with the hantengu clones and had more motivation to write about them. the hantengu clones x demon!reader thing i wrote, i literally did not expect for it to get any attention. bc i haven't wrote smut like that in FOREVER. literally i thought it would go to shit but i was fucking excited to see it gain over 2.5k notes!!!

now before i got into demon slayer i was watching jjk. but i just never thought of writing for them since i had only ever watched the jjk 0 movie, and season 1. i didn't familiarize myself with the characters and just went with how the fandom portrayed them as. though as soon as season 2 came out with the gojo's past arc i wanted to write some content for them as well.

then... i got lured into the miguel o'hara stan. now i was already a marvel nerd BEFORE i rejoined the anime fandom. i was only watching the marvel films and the tv shows like daredevil, punisher, and loki. when i saw miguel o'hara on the big screen I FELL IN LOVE. not only that but he is voiced by OSCAR FUCKING ISAAC. god i want for this man to yell at me- ANYWAYS LOL UM we're getting off track here!! i went to reading some miguel o'hara fics, watching tiktok edits of this man, looking at fanarts of him, and then i sort of got the inspiration to write some content about him. and i do notice that there is not a LOT of miguel o'hara with a black reader or at the very least with a latin/hispanic reader. so i want to spice things up and contribute to writing things for him.

now mind you all i write my fics with a black reader in my mind!! but i never describe their skin color, their eye color, their weight, i don't describe what they look like bc i want for the reader to feel included!!! i want for the reader to feel as if they are in the story. unless it is stated in my notes that the reader is black, chubby, skinny, etc. then i write as that. but if you read most of my fics there's not really an indication of the reader's race.

so with this blog and through my writing i want to show all writers that you don't have to describe what the reader looks like. that there are ways to avoid describing the reader and to have the reader feel included. inclusivity is my goal here on this site. as someone who is multifandom, i want to bring something to the table and maybe make a change.

to end this all off bc damn this is getting TOO DAMN LONGGG i want to say to all of my followers thank you so much for following me. times have been hard for me, but you know seeing that i have ppl who love my content and my writing makes me happy. honestly it is getting me motivated to get back to writing more again. i hope to give you guys more content, and better up my writing skills in the future. please stick around for more! again thank you babes! i love you all so much!!

♡ with love, demie !

[ofmdee]

foof. typing this out on tumblr because it feels easier to collect my thoughts here rather than twitter, lmfao, but MAN my creative well is bone dry rn, i feel like i have zero energy and motivation to work on projects and i just. it's driving me crazy lmfao, and in the back of my mind i know i'm burnt out and need a break, but it's so hard to take a break, because like, i don't have much else going on in my life rn, or ever, like fandom has always been a huge, important part of my life and i don't rly know what to do or who i am if im not obsessed over SOMETHING lmfao. my gf said last night something like, i guess it's hard to take a break when it's related to a hyperfixation/special interest and like!! yeah!! it's rly hard to untangle all of that!

but. idk. i don't feel happy rn with a lot of things irl and online, and i know i need to rest and do nothing and let the well fill up again but that also scares me? so i am just going to try to ease up on myself a little bit, try to go more than a day without feeling compelled to post something new just because i'm afraid ppl will leave or forget me or something if i don't constantly pump out Content. and i know i did this to myself, lmfao, i rly don't know how to do things in moderation and this is a constant cycle of going too hard and then abruptly losing all interest

my gf sent me this last night and even the first paragraph got me!!! like, that's ME!!!

i am in the reluctant admission stage rn lmfao.

i am not going to say i am completely going to stop creating during this time, because that would be a lie, but i am rly going to try and chill tf out, stop worrying about getting fics done in time for mermay, and just kinda try to recharge. and i don't wanna say this is a firm break or whatever because when i inevitably fail at taking a break, i will end up beating up on myself, so im just gonna say i am gonna try to be like...... idk, creative Lite or something for a little bit.

im still gonna be around every day lmfao, but probably for less time than usual. i'm still gonna reblog/retweet things, and i'll probably have some original stuff as well, but i am not gonna keep holding myself to the impossible standard of having something new every day. and i know no one else expects that of me!!! but i have somehow put that expectation on myself. i can use this time to share some old favorites again instead!!

i just started a new game+ in coral island, so ive got that going for me, lmfao, and it's getting nicer outside finally and i rly truly need to touch grass more often!! idk why i always feel like i need a huge explanation for what i do, and it probably wont even be super noticeable to most ppl lol, but!! idk. sometimes i just need to work things out this way.

so, i am releasing myself of the burden of having some fics done for mermay, and posting daily, and feeling like i have to make tangible progress on creative projects on the regular. or, that is my goal, at any rate. i think i'll just focus on gifs/still shots for mermay, my fics will be ready when they are ready 😤 but even if i don't do that much, it's okay!!! mermaids are good any time of the year imho.

i just need to get to a point where i actually Enjoy the process of creating again, because it feels like a chore rn and i hate that :((((

idk, anyway if u read all this thank u, thank u for following me and liking what i do, here is an old gif for ur troubles