#not even a month to develop the worst habits possible

[steelthroat]

At sone point some years ago I started saying "I am going to be productive" ironically and I could have never imagined how much damage this made. I am still trying to repair this mess and to unlearn to say this.

Philosophers were right in a way. Semantics matters, even if it looks like it doesn't. A simple word is gonna change the chemistry of the wrinkly organ if one does not pay attention.

[godisshook]

Casual

Cody is the ultimate fuckboy. He prides himself on never getting attached and only using others for sex. A path of broken people and torn relationships is left wherever he steps foot, and he just doesn't seem to care. He was a horrible boyfriend, but he was my friend regardless. In my defense, we had known each other since grade school, and I can confidently say that this is a recent development. The worst part of it all is nobody else seemed to care (aside from those he hurt of course) about his dating behavior.

I tried to be a balancing force in his life, as much as I could, hoping that I could be a good influence on him, or at least prevent him from doing as much damage as possible. I tried to steer him on the right path, using our friendship to hopefully help him understand, but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. Usually, I was the first to know if Cody had entered a new relationship, but I stopped receiving those all-too-common relationship updates from him for months. Knowing his habit of being a serial dater, it seemed far too suspicious that something hadn't happened in all of this time.

In addition to ensuring Cody doesn't implode by ruining every relationship he had, it was also my plan to make this summer the best of my life, and that meant changing everything. I have only dated one guy, and that resulted in an incredibly underwhelming breakup and an even more underwhelming friendship afterward.

Our gym days had been a sort of ritual between the two of us forever, I always did cardio, while he did weights. We used this time to catch up on each other's days and make plans, all intermixed with some exercise. As one of our many rambling conversations soon circled to the topic of relationships, I used the moment to bring up my grievance with him, in the sternest way I could. Balancing seriousness with a friendly air, I said, "It is wild how you manage to be so bad at keeping a relationship." He replied, "Remind me, you've been with how many people?" With an immediate, "Oh, one!" Keeping up with the banter, I quipped, "But, I mean, at least my one relationship still likes me after." Even as the words left my lips, I knew I had crossed an invisible line. Cody's look at me only proved my thinking, as I glanced over to a blank stare.

The moment suddenly felt intense. I thought I had hit too deep, even gone too far. I steeled myself and prepared a response, but as I did, I noticed a smile appear on his face, soon replaced by a full-faced chuckle. As the sudden shift in emotion gave me whiplash, I could only manage a light laugh, but I felt his strong hand pat my back, as he said "I mean, if they hate me so much, they should take it up with me, but they all knew what they were getting into." The seriousness of his response was dulled by his kind demeanor, but his words hit hard.

He always had that effect on people, where his words never seemed to match his face. I always thought it was a quirk of his, but at this moment, I became aware of just how effective it could be. His disarming smile made it impossible to hate him for long, and his way with words always got him out of whatever jam he found himself in. As if nothing had happened, he said, "You wanna go on the treadmill?" Whether it was a strategic olive branch, or him just genuinely not caring, I did not care to know, I grabbed my water bottle and followed behind him.

As our workout drew to a close, I sat to cool down, and scrolled through my socials as Cody still migrated around the gym. He would soon place himself right between me, and a mirror on the wall. Looking up from my seat, I said, "Why arent you sitting down?" As if he took offense to the statement, he responded, "I have to admire my hard work first." Knowing that this was the least ridiculous thing he could have said, I replied, "Y'know what, knock yourself out." Before I could even properly go back to scrolling through social media, it became obvious why he chose this position, as he lifted his shirt to admire himself in the mirror, and chose to close the distance between us.

Cody had always made it obvious he had feelings for me. But due to my general aversion to dating and knowing his dating habits, there was never a chance for anything to happen. Despite all of this, he flirted as if we had never seen each other, which always yielded interesting situations. This felt like a nice shift from things, and I soon reassured myself, thinking that maybe I did actually get through to him, and all of these months were him reflecting on things. While I most definitely was going to exaggerate my role in this process, despite the true cause, it was fun to think about.

There were many days like that afterward, with quips and banter, and our friendship remained strong. He invited me to the park, an event that seemed very date-like, but one that was incredibly pleasant nonetheless. Weeks filled with the usual late-night texts, sudden house walks, and constant snack trips, things felt so familiar, so, safe. I reveled in this moment, as with our return to college, life would get busy, and we would inevitably fall out of touch, meeting in hurried coffee rushes, or quick workout sessions.

For now, there was peace, and I appreciated it whenever I could. After lounging my day about, I received a sudden text from Cody.

"Come to the gym," He texted.

"What do you mean, it's literally closed," I responded.

There was a second of hesitation, but a speech bubble quickly followed with an,

"I know."

It was weird, but he's had stranger ideas, and so I followed along, wanting to see what situation he had conjured up today. I arrived at the gym only ten minutes later, as it was a quick walk from my place. As I approached the door, I noticed it was already ajar, and in the parking lot, a single black car was parked at the far end. "Cody," I thought to myself. I entered, and the few lights that were on illuminated a path to the far back. With a tinge of paranoia overtaking me, I looked around to see if the cameras were on, but to my surprise, they had all been blacked out. When I finally reached the back, Cody was standing there, expectantly.

In a cool tone, he said, "I've been thinking about what you said a while ago, I do need to get my act together, I wanna do better." A look of surprise came over my face as I replied, "How so, and why does it involve us being here so late?" My question was met with hesitation, a moment of silence, but even that felt like an eternity. Breaking the lull, he responded, "Let me show you." He was serious, there wasn't even a smile to join his words, he wanted me to know he meant what he said.

Things felt different this time, as Cody closed the distance between us, I felt an indescribable heat and urgency emanate from Cody, as if everything in this moment was his world, and was waiting for my word to let loose. I had been able to resist his charms for years, but this moment felt, different. It was as if everything had aligned for this to happen, but it was just right. "I know you can't stand my dating habits, but I did it all to try to replace my desire for you.

My body gave away my feelings in a way words could not, and I leaned onto Cody and laid a kiss on his cheek. I whispered, "I should've done that from the start." The kiss elevated the heat of the moment, and a sharp intensity came over Cody, desire and joy mixing, as he assessed just how he was going to have his way with me.

Suddenly, I felt my knees hit the ground as his warm hands moved expertly around my chin, bringing my gaze up straight to him. "There's a reason I haven't been seeing anyone because it's always been you." His words lit a dangerous spark, and I could not resist anymore. But just as the moment was set to hit a fever pitch, a noise outside brought us back to reality. As the sounds of footsteps drew close, we rushed out the back door, and ran to the forest behind the gym, an escape route we were used to navigating for years. It was exhilarating, it felt like, in this small rush, we were back to being kids again. As we approached the other side, we watched our breaths for a moment, and after looking around to ensure we hadn't been followed, we walked up onto the sidewalk.

The walk was calm and serene, with few words spoken, but many thoughts still communicated. I felt my cheeks redden, a blush overcoming me. Cody took notice of it, but only his eyes gave away his knowledge of things, as he continued conversating as usual. In a second, as if he finally had his chance, he asked,

"You wanna go back to my place?"

It was obvious what his offer entailed, but there was a curiosity nagging at me, and I just had to resolve it. "What are we?" I asked. It was a brave question, I could have gravely misjudged the moment and ruined the friendship right here, but I felt bold, and it was a time for big steps. The usually calm and hesitant Cody became fiery for the moment, responding, "We're whatever you want us to be." It was clear what he intended with this, but it was my turn to hesitate. With uncertainty meandering throughout me, I replied, "Let's keep things casual for now, then." "Fine by me," he shrugged.

His arms went over my shoulder, bringing me close to his chest, where I could feel the intensity of his heartbeat. The rest of the walk back was silent. Where once there was small talk and expectant words, it was now a walk of resolution, one of completion. Finally arriving at his, I splayed myself on his bed, and turned on a movie, as he went to the bathroom to take a shower and change. Even though I snuck a peek (of course) things were relatively PG, likely due to me being too exhausted to actually capitalize off of him being in the shower.

I looked around his room, a place I had been to many times, and once I had seen change countless times over the years, as new aesthetics came in, and old looks went out. It was fun to see all of this change, and made me admire just how long our friendship had lasted. Just as I thought that the situation that I now found myself in could put the whole friendship in jeopardy. I had just told him I wanted to "keep things casual." Which I immediately regretted, not knowing what response he even wanted. With my overthinking taking up every moment, I couldn't truly enjoy the fact that my hot friend wanted to date me.

Taking in how I even got to this moment, things seemed so complex. The guy who I had been lecturing for ages on how to be a better boyfriend, somehow wanted to be with me? It seemed like one of those perfect coincidences like the stars aligned in my favor just this once. I was going to take it in stride but still was mired over what he wanted out of all of this. With my thoughts all over the place, it seemed fortuitous that the person to take me out of that lull would be none other than Cody.

His return from the bathroom resulted in him only in his boxers and a sweater, his bulge already noticeable as he walked out. As he sat down, I resisted the urge to drool on the spot. He sat right next to me and started watching TV. I could not resist the urge, and immediately laid my head on his waist, feeling his bulge just inches from my head. Both of us were making moves, but in a way that allowed us deniability, it seemed that we were each taking my words to heart.

We continued watching, only getting ten more minutes before Cody decided to lift off his sweater, revealing his muscled chest. He knew exactly what he was doing at the moment, and as I had to shift my head to accommodate him taking his sweater off, I was now face to face with his toned body. I had to admit, he knew exactly what times he was hottest, and this was definitely one of them. I was mesmerized by him, and he knew he had me enamored.

I decided to still resist, wanting to beat him at his own game. I sat close to him, resting my head on his shoulders, and laid my hand on his bulge, while watching the movie innocently. It was my bravest moment, but I felt his cock pulse under my hand in response, meaning I had clearly succeeded. Cody kept his cool for now, but his face was going flush, it was clear that his body was going to betray his mind when it came to how he felt, and that was most apparent when it came to his dick.

His bulge was getting more noticeable, and it was clear that this movie was no longer the focus of the night. I looked over and met with bedroom eyes from Cody. As his bulge grew, I knew what I was being beckoned to do, but I, always the tease, wanted to extend the heat. I laid a kiss on his cheeks, "You seem so excited to watch a movie with me," I quipped. A strained look came over his face as if he was simply waiting for the go-ahead.

I only gave him kisses, but he returned them with a special intensity. Small pecks became deep kisses, and we began feeling each other up and down. The moment could have gone further, the feeling was there, and the moment had aligned. To my surprise, however, Cody would be the one to stop it in its tracks. Separating from the kiss, he said,

"Please, just stay the night."

I was awoken by the smell of eggs and bacon cooking downstairs, and my nose guided my path to Cody cooking in the kitchen. It was obvious I made the right decision in staying, as Cody was set to dote on me every second he could. Hypnotized by the delicious-smelling food, I could only sit and grab a plate, as Cody said, "Take as much as you want, I made plenty," I confessed, "You are truly my favorite person." "I know," he replied.

I lounged about, enjoying my day by doing absolutely nothing. Even on Cody's bed, I felt a comfort that I hadn't experienced in a long while. Things just felt, right. As Cody ran errands, I watched TV, changing between reality shows and trying to beat commercial breaks. He would return occasionally, and always lay a kiss on my head or, if I had gone into one of my many naps of the day, simply leave a snack for me as he left.

As the lazy day drew to a calm evening, I stood up to go home. I had walked to his with none of my things and had to steal even the clothes I was wearing from his closet. Deciding that I had to go get my things, I stepped out, leaving a note for Cody on his return. Instead of the note greeting him, it would be me, as when I opened the door, none other than Cody was standing right there, having returned. He noticed me holding my stuff and putting things together in a second. Instead of letting his feeling be known through words, he simply dropped everything, and grabbed my waist, laying a deep kiss on my lips. As he drew away from the kiss, he said, "You don't have to go."

His disarming smile once again clouded everything, as it felt as if I couldn't say no. I said, "But none of my things are here." He immediately replied, "We can get it and you can come back." As I finally put the pieces together, I understood what he was truly asking. He had long wanted us to live together, and this was the moment.

I had lived by myself for years, and there would be worse people to live with, so I finally responded, "Y'know what, I can just use your stuff." Cody broke into a full smile from this, and he closed the door behind him and began kissing me continuously. The only moments we stopped were to come up for air, as we took off each other's clothes then and there, leaving on only the more base layers. I felt his bulge press against his shorts and decided to play with him a bit.

Maintaining the kiss, I brought the distance between us closer, pressing straight into his bulge. As I did, a jolt seemed to go through Cody, as he bucked against it, temporarily breaking the kiss. Grabbing me tighter he said, "You do these crazy things, and don't expect me to respond?" Before I could respond, he had lifted me up on his shoulder and was carrying me to the room. Seeing the kitchen and hallway move around me, without my legs being able to do a thing felt, different, but sexy nonetheless.

Finally reaching our destination, he took care as he entered the doorway, and finally getting inside, rushed to throw me on the bed, to which I exclaimed "Hey!" He quickly replied, "Your whole trip here wasn't allowed to be amazing." I giggled at this, and got up on my knees, beckoning the still-standing Cody over to the bed with a finger. He walked over in a sultry manner, and as the distance between us closed once more, I felt up his body, admiring every bit of muscle as I made my way down.

I took him by the waistband, and pulled him onto the bed, resting my body right beside him, able to feel every breath hit me, as his heartbeat pounded against his chest. It was a singular second of peace, we both knew where things would go from here, but in this moment, we were just laying by each other, without a care in the world.

The feeling was nice, but I decided it was finally time to take this to the next level. I moved our bodies closer to each other, and took his face into my hands, laying a light kiss on his lips. He took this for exactly what it was and returned the favor. With that, things heated up faster and faster.

After I initiated things, Cody truly let loose, our hands taking off what little clothes remained on the other's body. His dick, as if it was waiting to be released, bounced up from his underwear, and as I noticed, I could only laugh. "You really wanted this, didn't you?" I asked. "More than you could even imagine," he responded. Instead of taking off his underwear immediately, I teased his prominent bulge, guiding my hands up and down, and was met with a deep sigh in response. Taking a hand to his chest, I moved my hands down, taking deliberate slow care to every point on his chest, to which Cody took my arm to guide me further down once more.

Now noticing the position he had me in, Cody quickly took control, shifting my body under his, and taking my wrists in his hands, a steely stare meeting my eyes. Once again, there was hesitation, as he assessed what to do. Taking advantage of this, I asked with a chuckle, "What? You didn't think you'd get this far?" Instead of a response, however, my words were met with a sudden kiss, his lips pressing into mine, hard. The intensity of the kiss sent a flash throughout me, and his bulge now pressed against my thigh, as if it was waiting for permission to be let out. As a flurry of emotion came over me, I could only muster a single response.

"I'm all yours."

He moved like a man possessed, laying hot kisses throughout my neck, and moved my thigh up, in a moment, he moved down and began eating me out. His tongue worked expertly, and I could only moan in response, pleasure surging throughout me. A fire came over his eyes, as he knew he had me exactly where he wanted me. With a flourish, he took off his underwear, and his cock was finally freed. I gawked at his size, unaware that someone's dick could be that big.

I took the initiative, taking it in my hands and jerking him off. It was now his turn to respond with a low grunt, his deep voice bucking against the pleasure he felt. Taking things into his hands once more, he grabbed the lube from his dresser, and wet his cock. As his tip entered me, I felt a wave of heat overcome me, as my body responded to him entering me.

Soon, he was fully thrusting into me, his cock filling me up entirely. Shocks of pleasure strike through me as he continued fucking me, with me only being able to make small moans, each thrust silencing me again. We fucked for what seemed like hours, trying each and every position. Each time I thought we were done, he would cum again, setting the cycle anew once more. Load after load filled me up, and soon I became numb, after being fucked to my limit. Cody, still full of energy, kept going. I found myself wanting to keep going, for him, and didn't want this moment to end.

I felt as if the world around me was blacking out, with my only focus being Cody's warm face, laying kisses all over me as he continued pounding me. In one final thrust, I was sent to true climax, and everything became hazy. Cody's voice would be the thing to break the fog. I focused on his words with his voice being a familiar sound to my ears.

"I'm addicted to you, did you know that?" He asked.

On the verge of blacking out, I replied,

"I always did."

[shares-a-vest]

@steddielovemonth Day 28: Love is… When you look at his lips for half the conversation because you can’t stop thinking about kissing him (Prompt by @starryeyedjanai)

wc: 733 | Rated: T for suggestive language | cw: None

Tags: Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Family Video, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Jeff (not present but mentioned a lot), Cliffhanger Ending (might write a cheeky sequel tomorrow)

'Lips'

Eddie should have known it was a mistake to visit Family Video on his lunch break. His excuse to Jeff was that the store had better air conditioning than the mechanic shop. Aka, an air conditioner.

Besides, he promised his friend that he wouldn’t be all that long.

Unlike yesterday.

… Or the day before.

And that no, Jefferson, best friend dearest compatriot, it has nothing to do with Steve Harrington’s summer attire – a good ol’-fashioned too-tight polo and a pair of jean shorts that have not been rotating around in his pea-brain for the better part of a month and a half now that they are in the throws of an Indiana summer.

Nope. None of that.

Nor does his desperation to skip down three blocks and waste his entire lunch break have anything to do with the chapstick Steve has taken to wearing (though Robin’s recent snickering suggests the reddish-pink pouty blessing is a Harrington Summer Standard).

But Eddie just can’t stop staring as his completely kissable crush bemoans working a double shift.

... Or something.

He isn’t really sure because Steve just bit his lip in annoyance – Keith! He definitely just mentioned that loser! – and, well, now there’s an indent on his bottom lip that is making Eddie think about how red they could get if they were all kiss-bitten and...

Eddie forces himself to look up from the plush pout Steve has permanently plastered to his face when he is bitching.

He is met with a faint crinkle in Steve’s brow and yeah, it is probably quite obvious he is not paying attention. His eye wanders above Steve’s frown to the beads of sweat pearling at his hairline.

He gulps.

No, no, no!

This can’t be happening! Steve cannot start sweating too.

It’s bad enough that Eddie has seen him all hot and bothered, his delicious chest hair all matted and grimy as they ran for their lives in an undead hellscape. And their late afternoon sojourns to the Quarry are downright cruel as Steve strips off his sweat-stained shirt to reveal equally sweaty hair that trails down, down, all the way down beyond his waistband to what is surely a sizeable –

“– Eddie!”

He grips the counter between them with grease-stained fingers and holds on for dear life.

“Huh?” he grunts, his eyes landing back on those lips like it’s now the worst possible habit he could ever have the misfortune of developing.

Because Steve is, well, Steve Harrington. Ladies Man. Casanova. Dorky wooer and hot former-jock turned actual good dude.

Stevie H. who’s all plush and pouty and... Moisturised.

Those lips look soft, don’t they?

And maybe the reddish hue is a sign of a flavour? Perhaps cherry? Maybe even strawberry?

Eddie licks his own bone-dry lips as he thinks about tasting it.

Tasting Steve...

How those beautiful smackers would look all swollen from spending time wrapped around his –

“Are you even listening?” Steve whines, lightly smacking the counter with his gigantic, manly hand.

“Yeah – oh… um, yeah sure, man,” he splutters.

Steve’s sceptical frown faulters, softening as he looks Eddie over. He purses those lips.

Fuck.

It’s painfully obvious, isn’t it?

Eddie closes his eyes and sucks in a breath.

Jeff was right. Today, a mere ten minutes ago... Yesterday... The day before...

He should just let go of the counter, turn heel and run back to work to sweat his balls off. At least there he wouldn't be confronted with he tantalising mouth of one Steve Harrington and all the filthy thoughts that come with staring at them.

His wristwatch beeps in agreement – a warning alarm Jeff set by yanking at his arm before he stepped out of the shop on his merry way.

“Hey,” he begins, clearing his throat as he dares open his eyes again.

And he finds Steve staring back, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his sinful mouth. He licks his lips and those hazel, now greedy-looking eyes flit down and linger there.

As if they are examining...

“I gotta go!” Eddie screeches.

His shout sends Steve shooting upright from where he had drifted into leaning across the counter.

Eddie launches himself backwards, stumbling towards the door as he incoherently splutters about Jeff and gaskets and the miserable PB&J sandwich he has waiting for him in his beat-up lunch tin.

“Eddie, wait!”

[coloursflyaway]

Ok, so I’m a big fan of your dbda fics and I saw you were asking for prompts. I have 2, one of which is inspired by one of your reblogs.

1. Charles kisses Edwin at the worst possible time, maybe ending in them getting captured and Edwin giving him a lecture on “time and place”, Charles arguing with “you’re one to talk about time and place”, referring to the hell confession

2. Preferably very angsty, Charles wants to kiss Edwin to try and figure out if he feels the same way, and Edwin stops him, saying something along the lines of “if we did kiss and you didn’t feel the same way I don’t think I could bear it”

Obviously no pressure to write either of them, but I would love to see how you would develop these ideas more.

Hiii, thank you so much for these ♥♥♥

I'm keeping the second one for later, because I really like that, but here's a little ficlet for the first prompt!

It’s not like Charles plans it to go like this, is it?

In fact, he isn’t sure if he could plan it like this if he tried, he’s not sure if anyone could.

It’s just something that happens, because, to be honest, it was always bound to happen at some point, and it’s not Charles fault that Edwin, well. Stood there. Looking so pretty with his perfectly coiffed hair and his kind eyes and high cheekbones.

Not even the look of slight exasperation had detracted from how much of a vision he looked, maybe because Charles has gotten more than used to it in the thirty-odd years they have known each other.

(He knows exactly how many years it’s been, how many months and days too, could probably reconstruct it down to the hour, but that gets to be his little secret, only admired sometimes in dark nights and especially bright mornings, when Edwin is reading or doing research or concentrating on something else enough that the tip of his tongue peaks out between his plush, pink lips.)

And Charles didn’t decide to take a step towards him, just like he hadn’t decided to reach up and put one hand on Edwin’s cheek, feeling the sudden breath Edwin had taken.

Two decades ago, Charles had persuaded Edwin to try breathing again, at least occasionally, as a little luxury, a little treat, and it still makes him smile to see Edwin do it, made him smile in that moment, too, and maybe that had been a decision.

But leaning in and kissing Edwin, that hadn’t been a choice at all.

Just something he had to do in that moment, because there was a little smudge of chalk on the edge of Edwin’s jaw, because Edwin had looked at him and behind and around and between the exasperation, he had looked so fond.

And Charles had thought, he loves me, and then, I love him, too.

What other choice did he have than kiss that love onto Edwin’s lips?

Only that when he pulls back, a smile on his lips and, if possible, even more love in his heart, Edwin is looking him with wide eyes and his lips kissed pink, but not curved, not smiling.

“Charles”, he starts, and Charles isn’t certain he has heard this tone in his voice before; it makes him giddy to think that this is something brand new he gets to find out about his favourite person in the world. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry”, Charles starts out of habit, then stops himself, brow furrowing. “Actually, no, I’m not sorry at all. That was great and I’ll do it again. And again.”

He grins at Edwin, happiness bubbling in his chest until he feels like he’s bursting; a sound drips from Edwin’s lips, something in between a gasp and a whine.

“There’s a time and a place-”, he begins a speech Charles has heard before, and it’s so easy to interrupt him this time, because Charles usually doesn’t mind the scolding, but there’s more important things right now, like kissing Edwin again.

“You mean, like not in the middle of summoning a demon? Yeah, maybe. But I’m not sure if you really get to talk about times and places. At least it’s not on the stairway to Hell, is it?”

And Edwin’s eyes widen even more, if that is possible, and not that Charles doubted it before, but God, he really does love him.

Without thinking, he moves his thumb to wipe the chalk from Edwin’s skin, and Edwin sucks in a breath, then, with the quietest, most hopeful voice, asks, “You do mean it, don’t you? You’re sure? This isn’t just a-”

“Of course I mean it”, Charles cuts him off, before Edwin can say anything else, can think that Charles might not be serious about this for a moment longer. “Have never meant anything more than this.”

Another breath, one that Charles can almost feel against his skin, and Edwin nods.

“Maybe, then, after the demon, we could-”, he starts, but doesn’t get to finish this sentence either.

“Sod the demon”, Charles says, and means it.

This time, when he kisses Edwin, it’s a choice, and it’s the best one he’s ever made.

[sciderman]

im so happy for you that you have a possible reason/cause for your brain itch!!!! i hope the tumor removal goes superduper smoothly. Do they know how long its been present/growing???????? how did you find out??? <- you obviously do not have to answer these personal medical questions lmao im just!!!! so curious and excited for you.

from what i've discussed with the docs it's been there for a LONG time... they say this sort of thing might take up to a decade to develop - it doesn't happen overnight!

i think i started noticing symptoms about maybe... 7 years ago? literally as soon as i started working full-time, maybe. my first job stressed me out so much and i cried underneath the tables at 8pm because i couldn't leave the office, i still had so much to do. i was leading up an entire ass animation department at 20 years old. bad. awful. that's when i started depending on things to get me through the day. my body started feeling awful. i thought it was anxiety, or me just being weak, i guess. i don't know if stress created the tumor, or the tumor created the stress - (well, it's the latter now) i think it's probably both, but all the research i've done and what the doctors have said is that there's just - some people with a genetic predisposition for it.

it's funny - i never miss a deadline, and i'm really really good at my job, always. i never let anyone down, ever, at the cost of my own sanity, and i seem to always, always have it put-together when i'm dealing with people - i have the constant consensus from everybody around me that i'm the most cheerful person to work with on this here planet earth - but apparently, my body was falling apart underneath it all - which i failed to recognise, because outwardly i was holding it together so well, and figured it was just normal to cry all the time when nobody was looking.

i started really noticing it after taking on a lot of freelance work on top of my day job – i was really doing very hot, and did these amazing projects for some really amazing clients who sought me out for being amazing (i am amazing) - but naturally, had consecutive nights of no sleep, and quick deadlines - and INVOICING... screams. and just, realised - after taking those jobs that - my heart did not stop pumping afterwards. my heart was still racing a mile a minute, even after all those jobs were done and dusted and ever-so-loved and appreciated by very happy clients. my heart. wouldn't. stop.

i figured it was MAJOR anxiety, and sought out some counselling sessions, hoping they'd help. i relayed my woes. i said i'm worried i'm not resting enough. i'm not sleeping enough. my heart rate won't go down. they said "oh. not everybody needs 8 hours sleep, don't worry about it. everyone's different." - for some reason that reassured me. i thought it was okay. okay. i don't need rest. maybe my body's just different and doesn't need rest. maybe that's why i wake up at 6am every morning without fail. i just don't need sleep, i guess. (bad advice.)

so – everyone is telling me i'm okay. i should just get on. you're barely sleeping? that's fine, you probably don't need it. your heart is pumping? that's healthy. your heart SHOULD pump, idiot. get back to work.

i felt very unhappy at work - i felt like i was stagnating - so i moved job, last year. i moved job to one that was so, so much more fast-paced. i thought the excitement and change would do me good - but i've been facing maybe - 3 deadlines a day? vs my previous one-deadline-a-month arrangement. and i think it broke me. i needed to depend on so many unhealthy habits to get me through the day. i needed like 6 energy drinks, 3 coffees, i'd have the shakes, i'd have the jitters, i'd feel like i was going to fall apart every single day.

and then, one day, i did.

one week last year i doubled over - my body was in so much pain that i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, and worst off - i couldn't work. it was the first time i'd taken sick leave - i couldn't function. after being on antibiotics that didn't work, i eventually went into the emergency room because i just couldn't sleep. i couldn't do anything. i didn't care if they put me down, i wanted the pain to end.

she was a kidney stone. her name was sharon (sharon stone) - i suspect it was all the energy drinks that made her. i've dealt with her now. but during the process, the doc pulled me aside, and he said "dear. do you have any pain in your other kidney?"

i said... no............... why?

doc said "ah. problem for another time."

so, once sharon was dealt with, obviously i had to chase up on that doctor's ominous warning. i said "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OTHER KIDNEY!!"

you have a tumor, dear. his name is lamar. he's on your right adrenal gland, and we suspect he's messing up all your hormones.

i did my own research, and turns out all these crazy, mysterious symptoms i've been having all line up - so i chased, and chased, and chased.

the doctors didn't take me seriously at first. because i guess i'm not in pain, and i handle it so well. i'm still so strong. i'm a fighter, i guess. whatever. but, turns out...

it's worth it to chase. your life might depend on it. i'm so glad i did, because there's an end to my suffering (dear god, i hope) - but, guys, if your heart won't slow, and you chronically can't relax, and you feel like there are bees in your brain - that's the time to do some research. it isn't normal, actually. and sure - it might not be a tumor, but - kid, you need some support. you need some help. you need to ask some questions. it's not okay for that to be your baseline. your body needs to rest. it needs to rest. even if i have to force it to. it has to rest.

right now i'm in a major stressed way, and i broke down and cried. i'm in the middle of a freelance job, and in the middle of an interviewing process for a new full-time job, and still working my current full-time job with 3 deadlines a day, and my surgery is next week. and i feel like crying. all the time.

i can't wait for rest. i hate that i literally have to be hospitalised to get it. but, i'll get it. i'm going to rest so fucking hard.

[topazadine]

How to Build a Sustainable Writing Habit Through SCIENCE (Fuck Off, NaNoWriMo)

This is a lightly edited repost from a previous post on my mostly-defunct blog, topazadine.com. I feel like it's an excellent thing to highlight now that everyone's wondering what the hell do to after NaNoWriMo showed their ass as anti-creative idiots.

I have never liked NaNoWriMo and think, frankly, that it is a garbage tool for new writers. If you've done it and enjoyed it, that's great, but overall, it is not the best way to build motivation. At all.

But why is NaNoWriMo so bad? (Other than the current controversy.)

It encourages younger writers to think of writing as something they do during the months of October through November. Not something they do all year round, day in and day out. People will prep for weeks to do a whole novel in one month and hinge all their writerly hopes on that one singular month.

We won't even get into the fact that November is the absolute shittiest month to try to get a novel done because the holidays are coming up, and many working-class people are busting their asses off to get extra hours in before Christmas.

Writing is something you do all. the. time. It is not bound by a singular month. It is not limited to a certain time of year. And when you are working to complete a draft, it doesn't matter season it is. What matters is that you get it done.

So let me show you something better. But first, why should you listen to me? And why is my method an improvement over a shitty organization's AI-riddled contest?

I wrote the first draft of my novel, Poesy (104,323 words) in 39 days.

That’s an average of 2,647 words per day. It is also about twice as much as the typical person aims for during NaNoWriMo. I did not set out to get it done in any given time period, but I still completed way, way more than NaNoWriMo would require in just about the same amount of time (plus 9 days).

I didn't have a buddy group. I didn't have checkins. I just had me and my keyboard and my secret weapon, which I'll show you in a bit.

How is it possible to get so much more done without that external motivator?

Simple: I compete with myself.

You Need to Develop Intrinsic Motivation

What in the world is intrinsic motivation?

Intrinsic motivation is defined as the doing of an activity for its inherent satisfaction rather than for some separable consequence. When intrinsically motivated, a person is moved to act for the fun or challenge entailed rather than because of external products, pressures, or rewards. Frontiers in Neurobiotics

That is, in essence, what we do when we’re writing for fun; or, rather, it should be what we’re doing when we write for fun.

A lack of intrinsic motivation is why people who see novels as a get-rich-quick scheme tend to burn out when they realize that most writers make less than minimum wage. That's called extrinsic motivation, and it doesn't work well for things like writing, where there may not be any easily-defined goals or motivators. Most of us are not going to become rich from our writing.

Here's why extrinsic motivation is unhelpful:

Extrinsic motivation does not always work best; sometimes it can make us perform poorly at certain tasks. For instance, studies reveal that high stake rewards, like cash bonuses, can hinder cognitive capacity. This happens because they shift our focus away from the task and onto the outcome. We can become preoccupied with rewards and all the things that come with them, such as our social status, instead of just doing the work. Extrinsic rewards also tend to narrow our focus on a defined goal and reduce our ability to see other possibilities, hindering creativity. Studies find people perform worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity when they are offered extrinsic rewards, such as higher pay. Nir and Far

And, well, note that "performing worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity." Extrinsic motivation is literally the WORST motivator for writing specifically.

NaNoWriMo is extrinsic motivation, which is not anywhere near as powerful or sustaining as intrinsic motivation. You want to get the shiny achievement award, so you just bang out 50,000 words of slop because you want to say you did it.

You're not motivated by anything but the outcome. That does not a sustainable writing practice make.

But there’s something about intrinsic motivation I want to highlight, because it’s crucial to what I am about to show you: the challenge.

Sometimes writing is a total slog because we’re worrying about all the other things and not on the words themselves. We’re fussing about whether we will ever get published, if we’ve added enough tension in a certain part, if our mom is going to read our porn and realize what a freak they raised.

You cannot think about those things while actively writing.

Instead, you need to focus on the writing process itself. John Schinnerer, a psychologist and life coach, explains further:

Remember as you are in the process of achieving your goals that the enjoyment comes from the doing not the attaining. It is important to find contentment in the act of pursuing the goal while placing less weight on the actual fulfillment of the goal itself.  PsychCentral

So we know you need to find the challenge fun, and you need to focus on the act of putting the words on the page.

In other words, you need to make it a contest with yourself. Here’s how.

Use a Word Count Spreadsheet

Finally! We get to why I’m telling you this! It's free, it's easy, it can be done all year round.

A daily word count spreadsheet is an amazing way to stay motivated and to keep pushing yourself to write because you can literally see the wins rack up. Every day, the word count jumps significantly, which can be much more motivating than just “oh, I’m at 8,453 words.”

More importantly, you’ll start to want to beat your “high score” from the day before.

I’ve highlighted one of the cells so that you can see the simple formula that you need to set up: it’s just yesterday’s count minus today’s count.

Put that in one cell, then click and drag the bottom righthand corner of the cell, and it will populate the rest of the cells in that column with the adjusted formula (B4-B3, and so on).

This is very easy to create. All you have to do is copy-paste the wordcount from your document into your spreadsheet, make sure you have that super-simple formula, and you're done. I have severe dyscalculia and can still use it.

But you can see how much this really helped me:

Things started to really ramp up right at the end because I was getting so motivated by the word counts of the day previous. I wanted to beat yesterday’s high score and keep going.

At the beginning, I was writing maybe 1.9k words; by the end, I was an absolute demon, regularly breaking over 2.8k and then some. On the last day, when the rest of the family was in a post-Christmas hangover, my butt was glued to my chair, banging out those last few thousand words.

Psychologists and life coaches agree that self-competition, a type of intrinsic motivation, is one of the best ways to improve.

Michelle Gibbings, a workplace expert, explains:

When you compete with yourself, you don’t become fixated on what other people are doing; you set the direction and speed. You put yourself in the driver’s seat and control your progress, setting meaningful goals rather than focusing on the progress of others. Michelle Gibbings

Making a word count spreadsheet like this is the definition of setting your own speed and controlling your progress. You can decide on a threshold you always want to hit and then feel very satisfied when you go beyond that.

I set my threshold at 1.5k words every day so that I didn’t feel bummed out when I had an off day and couldn’t get a lot done, but I really wanted my average to be around 2k, so I’d periodically check how close I was to that. If I had a terrible day or was busy, then I’d want to make up for lost time and write more the next day so I kept my average.

Now, I live a life that is quite advantageous to consistent writing: I’m single, I’m childless, I work from home, and most of my hobbies are pretty low-key.

Your life doesn’t look like mine, and that’s totally okay.

There’s no need to match the speed I showed here.

What matters is that your schedule works for you, and that you are consistent.

If you’re a caretaker or have a strenuous job, then set your threshold at just 100 words and aim for an average of 500. However, you’ll be sad if your spreadsheet has a blank cell, so you’ll want to get down at least something, even if you only have 15 minutes to write.

Plus, it’s so encouraging to see the word count go up day by day: much more satisfying than just seeing it in tiny font at the bottom of a Word document or Google Doc.

Or getting some dumb t-shirt from an organization that is actively trying to murder creativity for commercial gain. (Oh, and they protected an actual pedophile from consequences for months on end while he continued to groom children. But that was last year's controversy.)

There’s another reason why this particular method works so well for writers, though.

Word Counts Banish the Urge to Edit

You know you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway. A single word here. A removed sentence there.

The first draft is just about getting everything out, not fixing everything that needs fixing. That part comes later during your five billion revisions where you tweak every single word.

Revising means you have less to work with, which means you have less development. You can get rid of anything that shouldn’t be there when you’ve gotten to that very satisfying “The End” page.

If you are motivated by the spreadsheet method, then you are screwing yourself over if you edit.

Your word count went down! It looks like you did less than you did! You’re losing! Best add more, and fast!

(I had to include my placeholder chapter names; it was obligatory.)

Use strikethrough! Now you know exactly what you’ll be getting rid of when you get to the end of your draft, but you’re not decimating your word count. I removed the entire beginning of the book; that scene is super cute, though, so I later turned it into its own one-shot on my AO3 page.

I prefer doing that because then, if you find that you actually wanted to keep that scene or move it elsewhere, all you have to do is copy-paste from the old version, remove the strikethrough, and you’re all good.

So that’s my tool. It’s really that simple.

But even though it’s so simple, it works wonders for your motivation and consistency, which are crucial for a good writer.

Are you going to give it a whirl? You may find it nervewracking at first, but I encourage you to sample this method, especially if you have a hard time getting motivated.

And if you enjoyed this article, maybe you'll consider purchasing my debut novel, 9 Years Yearning.

This is not the book I drafted last year; it is in fact a prequel of sorts to that first novel. However, it helps set the scene for Poesy (the sixth book in the Eirenic Verses) so that you'll be all prepped for the masterpiece.

9 Years Yearning is a coming of age romance that follows the life of two young soldiers as they go from sorta-enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and then finally to lovers. It is a short read; you can probably finish it in about 2 hours all the way through. Perfect for a weekend romp.

If you do read my book, please don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are essential to success on Amazon as they boost visibility. (Yes, even bad ones.) Always leave reviews, no matter how short, to support indie authors!

[bruhstation]

Random question for Casa Tidmouth prequel What's the love story between ten cents and zip?

you’re in for a ride. welcome to another installment of senja v. b. heterocaine’s “doomed queer couple” series

before I start this incredibly long love story between two of bigg city harbour’s most struggling youth, it’s probably necessary to read about ten cents’ and zip’s relationships with their respective captains (here and here) because their influences are integral in shaping their relationship. you have? now let’s go!

ten cents and zip first met two weeks before the events of sunshine (episode 1). ten cents has been working for the star fleet for at least three months now. he was still brash, impatient, and immoveable by anyone besides captain star and hercules. it was also zip’s first day at work. besides being trained (more like impatiently taught) by zorran about how to work at the harbor and the culture of interacting with his z-stacks coworkers, zip didn’t know what to expect of the star fleet. captain zero did tell him that they’re folks not to be friendly with, so zip stuck to that. whoever captain zero hated, zip will also hate.

so there zip was, with his newly christened tugboat. as soon as ten cents and his coworkers spotted the z-stacks’ number 5, ten cents was not pleased. at all. four z-stacks was nasty enough, so another one? ten cents hadn’t even talked to him or know anything about his personality and he’s already developed a dislike towards the new z-stack.

zip’s mouth was out of control. he was saying some of the meanest (yet emptiest) things because he quickly picked up on zug’s habits as well as letting himself get dragged everywhere by him. ten cents also didn’t like zip. whenever zip shoots an accusation or makes fun of ten cents, ten cents shoots back a response in retaliation, resulting in zip always shrinking and retreating. in ten cents’ eyes, zip is just another cunning z-stacks in the making. his naivety and capability to ONLY parrot what was said to him were frustrating. so what if he’s just a spineless newbie? what became of zip wasn’t any of ten cents’ problem. to ten cents, zip was trouble. to zip, ten cents was an enemy.

still at the start of the story and things are already muddy. ten cents was incredibly stubborn and impatient, already assuming the worst and letting his personal dislike for the z-stacks cloud his judgement. zip, despite his inability to be a genuinely malicious person, has exhibited signs of him possibly following the cloudy path of captain zero. their dislike towards one another were further amplified by their respective captains’ influences.

then they met each other outside of work for the first time. it was a particularly slow day, so zip was told to buy groceries by captain zero (designated z-stacks errand boy). he then stumbled upon ten cents who was sitting on a bench near the bridge cafe and doing crosswords on the morning newspaper. ten cents was avoiding captain star’s presence for the day so he can have some time alone. zip looked at him, curious, but was driven away by an angry ten cents. stammering on his excuses, he quickly ran away.

their second, third, and so-on encounter wasn’t any better. ten cents grew out of shouting at zip and just shot glares at him. there’s even a moment where ten cents directly asked zip what his deal was, to which he replied that he’s just wondering what ten cents was up to.

ten cents: and how is that any of your business, eh? wanna snitch on me? zip: oh, a man c-can’t even be wary of what his enemy’s up to anymore?

ten cents just pursed his lips at that and went away. any anger or assumption of villainy that he had towards the newest z-stack dissipated. what a weirdo, he thought.

eventually, ten cents realized just how bad zip was at maintaining his “devious and scheming” front and that he’s most likely a young man who got mixed with the wrong crowd. his annoyance turned into… fondness? amusement? anyways. the next week, ten cents could feel zip’s stare at him from the shop’s window, so he eventually got zip to come to him by calling him over to the bench (“you ever do anything besides running errands for captain zero?”). there’s still tension in the air and ten cents wasn’t even sure that he’s making the right choice by calling zip over, but they bonded over the hard crossword puzzles. they shared quips and banters, though they both notice the lack of malice whenever they make fun of one another.

there’s an unspoken understanding that their respective captains won’t be happy to see them together, so they bid farewell after a while. ten cents and zip felt something odd. one felt fun being around the other. they also began to be more amicable at work instead of showing hostility, much to the confusion of their peers (and displeased eye rolls from zug and zak). they met outside of work again and ten cents noticed a pattern on the time zip usually went out and how he’d always go out at least twice a week.

they gradually warm up to each other and start hanging out more and more. it gradually went from coincidental to planned. ten cents enjoyed zip’s interest in the things he enjoy, while zip enjoys having ten cents around and talking with him about things not related to work, mainly because there’s nobody in the z-stacks that’s his age. just teenagers being teenagers.

ten cents learned that zip likes reading children’s books and aesop fables. some of his favorites are pinnochio and the country mouse and town mouse story. he also began to like doing word puzzles like crosswords and word searches and was still learning how to read and write. zip learned that ten cents likes drinking coke, playing card games like blackjack, and exploring/learning new places and things “like folks with money”.

ten cents promised that he’ll teach zip anything that he wanted to know. how to let loose a little bit. he taught zip how to attract pigeons at the dock. he taught zip how to open a can of cola with his teeth, how to (incorrectly) use random objects they found near abandoned schools, how to float on the water, how to sneak into cinemas, how to dance, how it feels to have a friend, and so on. ten cents just wants to show zip what living is really like despite being stuck under his captain’s tutelage himself, and he didn’t know exactly why.

they understand that they share a lot of similarities. the one clash they have was about their captains. ten cents dislikes captain star’s way of running things and generally has a really complicated way of viewing him, while zip, who has rose tinted glasses equipped for captain zero, didn’t understand why he dislikes captain star. every child are obligated to love their guardians. that’s just how things are. those are what zip thought. this didn’t sit well with ten cents who was actively seeking freedom for himself without captain star at his ear all the time.

unfortunately their respective captains weren’t exactly very fond of them being buddy-buddy with each other. captain star believes that ten cents is getting more out of hand, while captain zero dismisses zip’s feelings for ten cents as naive and foolish. not to mention how their captains are divorced from each other. that’s definitely affecting what they taught about love to ten cents and zip.

captain star @ ten cents: I’m trying to put you in the correct path, but here you are, fraternizing with someone from the z-stacks. I want you to be happy, but what have you been doing? captain zero @ zip: what you have for him is MERE teenage infatuation. if there are other people in your place, he would befriend them instead. that’s not TRUE camaraderie, boy.

ten cents didn’t take into account what captain star said. he knew that he’s dead set on wanting to hang out with zip more. besides, despite being a bit wary, some of his friends were supportive of him, especially sunshine and hercules (who also slips in money so ten cents can take zip out). hercules even took ten cents and zip on car rides. sunshine and hercules were no snitch.

zip, however, was still influenced by captain zero and believed that anything good he has will eventually go away. all of these gave their friendship a lot of ups and downs, not to mention how they disagreed on a lot of things as much as they agreed with. zip’s loyalty to captain zero still outweighed his friendship with ten cents even though they’re getting closer.

zip had mentioned several times how much he adore and love captain zero like one does to their father, yet all ten cents know about the z-stacks captain through zip was how slimy and morally questionable he is. zip was so happy when he recounted the times he went shooting birds and handling rabid dogs with captain zero, when captain zero taught him how to handle guns and how he “””affectionately””” called zip “boy”, when he watched his z-stacks folks fight a bunch of drunk thugs, and so on. ten cents also learned that zip’s name was given to him by the z-stacks, not by his parents or anything. why were all of zip’s stories so… odd? yet zip said it all casually as if… he didn’t understand the weight of those sentences he’s said.

ten cents: heheh. what’s so good about living with captain zero, anyways? zip: wouldn’t you like to know! I get three meals a day and have a place to sleep. I also get money for my hard work. oh, I’m practically living the life! ten cents: ten cents: hey, that’s… uh. that’s the bare minimum, zip. zip: huh? oh, alright. ten cents: zip: zip: so, um, wanna go cool down by the beach? ten cents: sure, zip.

which is why ten cents was horrified to hear zip easily say “people end up miserable at the end of their relationships.” during one of their hangouts. ten cents’ habit of lashing out when he’s frustrated was starting to boil, but he got ahold of himself and just nodded to what zip said, incredibly disappointed. he did know something more sinister was at play here. the remainder of the hangout was awkward, so they went their respective ways and didn’t hang out for a week, though they still greeted each other at work.

they then found themselves missing each other. ten cents still spends time with his best friend sunshine, but sunshine already knows everything there is about ten cents. zip got bored and fidgety with his significantly older coworkers because all they talked about were barges and contracts (sans zorran and zebedee who had shown some semblance of worry for him). captain zero became more paranoid and demanding of everyone, especially zip whom he needed yet barely cared for. zip thought hanging out with ten cents was fun. it felt good and natural. this was a friendship that was not influenced by the state of their respective companies’ rivalry. zip wanted more from what he has with ten cents.

zip believes that ten cents was purposefully avoiding him. he confronted ten cents and asked why they weren’t seeing each other as much lately, afraid of not being friends with ten cents anymore. ten cents told him that they’ll always be friends. friends have their disagreements. so they talked. ten cents told zip that he should be more careful in taking into consideration the things captain zero had taught zip (he knew he had to use words that zip can both understand and not get offended at) and he didn’t want zip to get himself into danger trouble. zip nodded. he told ten cents that he’s beginning to question captain zero a lot, being uncomfortable because zip realized that the z-stacks might not like him as much as he liked them, and felt like he didn’t belong in the z-stacks… but zip brushed them all off as him being a stupid boy. after he’s done, ten cents pulled zip into a hug slowly, as if he doesn’t want to shock him, as if he’s telling him that he’s not stupid and that he’s wrong about a lot of things. zip was still confused, but he knew full well that the hug felt nice. he liked the hug. their relationship seemingly took an ascending hill from that point.

ten cents didn’t want to ruin the friendship they have because he treated zip as a ray of hope of living like a “normal” young man, while zip was still hauled by captain zero’s belief that he’s destined to be miserable if he pursues this relationship. it didn’t help that zip knows he’s in love with ten cents but didn’t know how to process it because nobody taught him what a healthy relationship is like (then zorran came into view, having warmed up and bettered himself throughout the course of fortezza bigg city).

on one of their hangouts, in a field a bit far from bigg city port, zip blurted out that he loves ten cents in a romantic way. he’d always feel genuinely safe and happy whenever he’s around the star fleet youth, saying that he wants ten cents to keep teaching him fun things and always be with him. ten cents, though initially surprised at the absolute courage zip had at saying something so bold, quickly reciprocated. they had a feeling that they’ve been in love with each other for a while. zip wanted ten cents to teach him how to be a good partner in a relationship but ten cents said that they can learn together. they can take it slow. they don’t have to do the things people in relationships do when the both of them aren’t ready yet. ten cents admitted that the things that he had taught to zip were also things he had little experience prior. zip laughed, and once again, they shared a hug.

this time, it was zip teaching ten cents and bringing him to places. their relationship had little change compared to their friendship except that they’re more touchy feely with each other – ten cents putting his hand on zip’s shoulder, zip resting his head on ten cents’, hugging, hand holding, all that – considering that they’re now dating. they eventually kissed when zip asked ten cents to kiss him, although awkwardly and shyly (uncharacteristically so from ten cents’ side), but felt good, it felt right. 

they kept their relationship mostly a secret because they know not everyone will be happy with it. sunshine fully understands, both because he has ten cents’ full trust and knows what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone that not many people liked (that is bigg city port’s harbinger of bad luck). hercules too. he believes in their decision but still made sure the two boys weren’t doing anything stupid. zebedee and zorran were more lax with their youngest coworker dating someone from the star fleet. zebedee didn’t pry too much on zip’s business but he did ask from time to time how ten cents was doing. zorran, on the other hand, was more fussy – wanting the best for zip and to stop him from spiraling down like he did, but he knew that a certain someone has his eyes on them. captain zero would NOT be happy. they mostly try to keep zak and zug from snitching to captain zero… which would later produce a domino effect on the z-stacks’ security.

ten cents and zip’s relationship didn’t always go smoothly. they love each other – it’s just that the environment they’re in aren’t exactly in favor of the relationship they want. captain star still keeping the star fleet in the dark about his past, zip slowly losing faith in captain zero and purposefully not allowed to know that captain zero has criminal relations and the z-stacks are in cahoots with him, johnny cuba with his blackmail, the police growing more wary about the criminal activities infesting bigg city port, the possibility of captain zero having to run away if his cover gets blown, ten cents knowing full well that zip is going to be caught in the crossfire if captain star decides to take action yet not knowing how to say it to zip properly…. and the fact that they’re in the great depression. just all around not a great time 

(there’s a plot point in fortezza bigg city where captain zero’s past relations caught up to him and zip eventually had to pay a visit to the star fleet in their office building, but it’s WAY too long and hard and tragic to explain. this is a long story. thanks for being patient)

at the end of the story, both ten cents and zip have changed significantly. ten cents is more mellowed and patient – willing to understand people who are not exactly as “right” as he is. zip is no longer the naive, easily influenced young man that idolized and looked up to captain zero. despite what captain star had put upon him, ten cents wished he was better. despite what captain zero had done to him, zip still loved captain zero. 

but it’s alright. they know they have someone that knows what they went through. 

(there’s also a couple of fics I’m writing right now related to zipcents. one involves them and school, while the other is heavily zip-centric)

[vauxxy]

my camp half blood oc ^_^

YALL SHES ADORABLE

her name is odette van schmidt and she’s a child of dionysus 😇

her story is actually rlly funny tbh. makes me crack up a bit. so here it is

basically dionysus met her mum (a rich socialite) at a party she was throwing for the opening of an art gallery, and it was getting late so everyone was going home. odettes mum looked over at dionysus and was like ‘omfg these old geezers r soooo boring. wanna hit the club?’ and dionysus was like ‘have my baby’ SO SHE DID.

9 months later she gave birth to odette van schmidt: the lying, unstable (possible future addict), drama queen JOY of dionysus.

by the time odette turned 14, her mum was like ‘right. this girl needs to get her ass to boarding school’ bc she could not stop CAUSING A RUCKUS. she was a menace during important parties and events- not because she wasn’t good at parties; but because they weren’t fun. while her mum agreed with her, she had grown out of her party girl phase and had to settle down.

well, odette didn’t fight her mums decision to send her to boarding school. after all, that’s where the craziest shit happens, doesn’t it? especially in new york.

so imagine this: odette van schmidt, the pretty girl with weird eyes and designer clothes CHOWING DOWN ON SPECIAL BROWNIES WITH HER ROOMMATE WHO LOOKS LIKE HOMELESS MAN IN A PRETTY GIRLS BODY.

odette could NOT stop getting into trouble. always sneaking off with her friends, partying her weekends away. by the age of 15 she had developed a pretty bad habit of taking a shot of vodka every sunday morning to get through the preachy ass mandatory services.

odettes mum had enough when she found out her daughter wasn’t taking her meds everyday at 8:00, and was instead lighting up at 4:20.

odettes mum had to call her baby daddy and tell him to pick her up for the summer. odette heard this call, and jumped to the conclusion she was getting sent to REHAB. so she ran.

she ran fast and fast and fast and fast. all the way from manhattan to queens.

ofc odette always saw weird shit. but she just always chalked it up to sleep deprivation, adhd, maladaptive daydreaming, and later in her teens: drug induced hallucinations.

after walking around new york aimlessly for 3 hours to escape rehab, her mum gave her a call.

“hey odette… can you come back home? bc ur lowkey a demigod and I WONT SEND YOU TO REHAB BABY IM SORRY I WONT ITS FINE YOU WERE ONLY SMOKING WEED ITS OKAY BABY-”

BOOM. hellhound right in the middle of the dingiest 7/11 in all of queens.

odette booked it- already terrified by what her mum said, and even more so by this terrifying dog thing.

she ran down at alleyway, hoping to escape the gross mangy dog, but she wasn’t fast or sharp enough to lose it or outsmart it. the hellhound attacked her from behind, ripping through the back of her shirt and leaving a scar that ran across the length of her back.

like that shit was BIG. like, from her neck down to her hipbone.

odette was vengeful thoguh. she was more angry than she was in pain, so she took out her pocketknife and started stabbing and punching that thing away. LIKE. HOW WOULD THAT EVEN PROTECT HER FROM A HELLHOUND??? but then the mutt started chasing its tail and howling like crazy, making it easier to put it down like an old dog.

and poof.

into thin air.

“alright what the fuck”

so there she lay- sitting and panting and wheezing in an alleyway, bleeding out. so she decided to pray,

“god i’m sorry for drinking on sundays! i’m sorry for using bible pages to roll! i’ll do anything to make it up to you!”

“girl, it’s fine.”

all of a sudden, there was this middle aged guy in front of her with the same eyes as her and the worst fashion sense she’d ever seen.

“i didn’t know jesus shopped at h&m…”

“jeez, you sound like ur mother.”

after 10 awkward seconds of silence, odette passed the fuck out. bc her back is a war zone. obviously.

when she woke up the next day, she was at the most rank hospital she’d ever been to. but all the doctors were cute. they were all blonde and spoke like poets and had such gentle hands. but they were wearing the most atrocious orange shirts.

good thing I’VE got STY-

odette looked down at herself. “are you fucking kidding me.”

orange was not her colour. it was purple.

after she got all healed up, two blonde 13 year olds who looked just like her arrived at the infirmary. “hiiiiii welcome to rehabbbbbbb”

“oh my god i’m actually going to kill myself”

castor and pollux eventually cleared up mostly everything about camp (after fucking around with their new older sister a bit more, of course), and proceeded to take her to get some food in her tall ass stomach.

she ate. and then she ate a bit more. and then she complained. and then she asked if her mum has her ‘crazy meds’. and then she asked for new clothes. and then she called her mummy and asked her for new clothes or perfume or anything. and then she walked over to the big house to complain about something again.

and as soon as she walked through the doors, screaming about how she can’t party with a torn up back- she was claimed.

“oh my gods odette. we have your stuff. its fine. it’s cool. you’re my daughter btw. and no drinking at camp.”

“… why would my mum fuck a guy who shops at h&m?”

“I DO NOT SHOP AT H&M, I AM A GOD-“

odette blanked. she wasnt really good at faces. much better with names. that’s what u get for being a history buff who can’t make eye contact i guess.

“… which one, sorry?”

“… dionysus?”

“oh. that checks out.”

[veneritia]

siblings & questions tag

Thank you @alintalzin for the tag! This is both the best and worst game for the vi aetier siblings so of course I gotta do it

Who looks the most like Dad?

Charles takes that spot easily enough, and is probably gonna follow Dantalion's footsteps with having "the fair" as an epithet. But all of the siblings (like any vi Aetier) have the trademark silver eyes.

2. Who looks the most like mom?

Euphemia does but with Fenice as a close second. Euphemia is essentially Eudocia in miniature both in looks and in attitude, though Euphemia has a bit more of a ruthless streak. Fenice looks remarkably like Titania in coloring but she doesn't have Titania's vibes, yknow?

3. Who eats the most?

Konstantine does but he's also one of the pickiest eaters. Whatever food he does like though he makes sure to eat a ton of, and his mother indulges him anyway.

4. Who has been in the weirdest situations?

Fenice. Her whole life has been weird ever since she was born and is probably just gonna get weirder. I mean, who else has weirdly vivid dreams about attending a banquet with your dead ancestors where the host may or may not be (a) god?

5. Who sleeps the most?

Basil, but he's basically a toddler so he needs his naps.

6. Most stable romantic life?

Well, of the three that are old enough to have a romantic life (Fenice, Charles, Euphemia)...none of them. For one, Fenice has zero interest in romance and will continue to have zero interest in romance (very ironic considering who her parents are). For another, Fenice is already married but it was arranged and she and Nike are indifferent to and loathe each other respectively. Charles and Euphemia's eventual marriages are a matter of state, so any 'official' relationship is kind of off limits. They both have a long line of suitors and have been known to enjoy flirting here and there, but other than that they've never entered any actual romantic relationship.

7. Worst habit of each one?

Fenice's tendency to think the worst of everyone and especially herself. Charles developing tunnel vision when pursuing something he wants at the expense of everything else Euphemia never failing to give back-handed compliments when she talks Konstantine just kind of wanders off in the middle of conversations when he's bored (he's a kid) Basil has terrible table manners (he's a baby)

8. Who's the most dramatic?

Hands down it's Fenice. She might fool most people with her whole "I am untouchable, nothing can faze me, I am unbothered" facade but you bet that she's having the most dramatic inner monologues 24/7. I blame anime

9. Who had a weird phase?

Weird is relative when it comes to the vi Aetiers, but I don't think anyone had a particular weird phase. Unless you count Charles who's trying to overturn the whole vi aetier kinslaying tradition, which the majority of people think is weird.

10. Best cook of the family?

Bold of you to assume they've seen a kitchen before.

11. Best memory together?

As in all 5 siblings together? Uh....none really. I mean it was only recently that all 5 of them were even in the same city, much less spending time together.

12. Worst memory together?

Those are book 2 spoilers ;)

13. Dream trip together

No one would be stupid enough to put them in the same vehicle. Maybe if you pair them off it'd be feasible and we'd get somewhere, but all five? not possible. They're also just not that close as siblings. (Konstantine and Basil are the youngest by a significant age gap. Euphemia and Charles' mothers have some real bad blood between them because of The Incident TM. Charles and Fenice are considered the closest out of the siblings but like, some of this is one-sided and Fenice still harbors a lot of resentment towards Charles).

14. Would you rather not be able to shower for a month or have the same clothes for a month?

It gets stupid hot and humid in Kaelstanopoli, especially during the summer. All of them would rather have the same clothes for a month than not bathe. That and the baths in Kaelstanopoli are like top tier.

15. Who's the older one?

Fenice

16. Role model?

Fenice - her mother and many of her paternal ancestors that she's read about and studied Charles - Dantalion and his uncle Andras Euphemia - her mother Eudocia and her great-grandmother Saphynia the Iron Queen Konstantine - Charles Basil - doesn't have one yet but he likes copying what Konstantine does

17. Who usually has the worst ideas?

Would it be a cop-out to say Basil

18. A GIANT insect is on the wall, who's taking care of it?

Basil. He may be the youngest and smallest but against bugs??? The most fearless man to ever exist. He's probably try and feed it to his ducks.

Tagging: @thewritersplace @seasteading @writinglyra @thesorcerersapprentice @cheshawrites @sourrcandy @serpentarii @charitet @thatswhereiwanttobe

[baratiddyappreciator]

I’d love to see some kureha headcanons from you!! (And maybe even some that involve Jack??) I’ve been really enjoying seeing ur headcanons in my feed!

I don't really know if you meant this as in a ship/friendship way, but I just decided to go overboard and put effort in to explore their weird ass (gay) dynamic lmao

Kureha HCs:

Kureha speed-reads. It's a habit he developed in elementary school so he could spend more time protecting his brother, and it was a fantastic help during his studies to become a doctor.

This man has a flawless memory. You mentioned something to him three years ago about something you liked but it was out of stock? Guess what, he bought it at it's lowest price point and is now giving it to you on your birthday. Surprise!

His handwriting is the WORST for non-professional things. You got a prescription from him? Yeah, you can read that just fine! Patient charts? The most flawless writing you have ever seen. He left you a note on your computer? You think that says coffee, but it could also say chicken, so now you're confused.

Claims to be against workplace gossip and against participating until he gets home, because then he's telling you all about how Ayumi from the front desk is fucking the neurologist and his wife just hired a PI, but apparently she's been messing around with the janitor at her job.

He has favourite patients. Jack is simultaneously his favourite and least favourite patient, the man will just sit and let him do whatever he wants as long as it's in the name of improvement, but he's TERRIBLE at recovery. Kureha says "bedrest for three weeks with mild exercise", and Jack hears "Don't push yourself until the point of passing out for three days".

Speaking of patients, he absolutely takes meticulous notes. Is the patient being difficult and rude? Oh it's going on their chart in meticulous detail. They called him a name and refused to take their meds? It's on the chart in the most professional but still passive-aggressive way.

Jack HCs:

Uncannily good at math. If you ask him, offhandedly and as casually as possible for an answer to a math question, he'll almost instantly get you an answer, and most of the time it's either spot on or really close. Baki has tried to get Jack to answer the questions for his math homework before, and it took a while before Jack realised what was up.

He learned about Baki a while before he actually met him, but he still hasn't processed that he's an older brother, so occasionally Baki will call him brother super casually and Jack will just [dialup noises] for a solid minute until he remembers "oh right yeah, that's actually my little brother."

Forever tired and hungry, but determined enough to get away with a chronic lack of sleep for months on end until he finally crashes. Healthy? No. He knows it too, but he's got things to do, and sleep can wait until he's kicked his father's ass. If he keeps being such a strong favourite too, a nice comfortable mattress is in store for him.

He knows he can beat bears in a fight (as with most wild animals that he grew up knowing) but the problem is that he doesn't like bears, he grew up knowing that you don't mess with bears, because they'll ruin your day. He'll deal with them no problem, but he won't like it.

He doesn't wake up very fast at all, most of the time he just gains conscience like two hours after waking up and he's doing something. He's "woken" up before after having an hour long conversation with Tokugawa about his hometown after Father Samuel called him.

He sometimes (when he's very tired or just waking up) will forget just how big he is. He has slammed his head against doorframes many times. He will continue to do so most likely.

Jack and Kureha HCs:

Jack and Kureha as friends are two weird mfs. For starters, Jack is quiet and stoic, so most people that see him assume that he's either some sort of bodyguard for Kureha, or that he's annoyed by him. In reality, Jack's just a quiet person, and Kureha takes every chance to talk his ears off because he won't interrupt unless it's important.

Sometimes it's painfully aware just how much more experienced and educated Kureha is in everyday matters. Jack didn't even go to high school, and Kureha managed to become a practicing doctor. Jack isn't stupid by any means, but sometimes Kureha absolutely loses him because he's talking about something Jack hasn't ever learned about before.

While Kureha can go off about medical jargon to Jack and lose him after just about five minutes, Jack can just start talking about the, quite frankly weird shit that happens out in the Canadian wilderness near his home, and Kureha just doesn't have any idea how to process the fact that at least some of what Jack tells him is true and has happened within Jack's direct line of sight.

Jack and Kureha dating, however, is very different. They're such bitches to each-other because they're so in love that they're at the "I fucking hate you" stage of their relationship, but only when they're out in public. It's a lot of Jack cleaning up the absolute mess that is Kureha's apartment, and Kureha making a mess out of the apartment the second Jack steps out.

Kureha absolutely tries to pull a whole dominant/submissive thing, with Jack being submissive, but mans was legitimately too chill to really care and it ruined the whole thing for Kureha, who legitimately pouted for a whole week. Jack had no idea what he did wrong either, he thought that Kureha wanted to be dominant, so he submitted. He's not really one to fight for dominance, if he wants it he'll just take it.

Neither of them being able to cook for shit, other than Jack being uncannily good at breakfast foods, so they either eat pancakes at 6pm or they go out to eat. It means less dishes (usually) so Jack doesn't complain, since Kureha could never do those.

A lot of Kureha saying that Kosho is being annoying and Jack being like "That's nice, Baki's chill, an angel really. Anyways, do your parents want me to come over?" Just so he can flex on Kureha that his little brother is the better one.

[bss-babygirl]

[7:20 pm]- #6. “You're not going to lose me.”

Mustafa Ali x reader

Warning: Fluff, Friends to Lovers AU

Request for @baeusos

Tag List (as always let me know if you’d like to be added/removed): @1dluver13xx @wwesarahjaneroszko @c-lelo @heyits-liz @meteora-fc @mattjacksons @hisredheadedgoddess28 @queenofthearchitect @queenslayer1985 @officialbroski10-blog @darktammy @mcreigns-enthusiast @blondekel77 @barnesnreigns @cesarofangirl78 @lilred91 @beautybyfire @pleasantlyshamelesswizard @rebellious-desires @punkgoddess-98

In December of 2021, when you first met, if someone would have told you that you and Mustafa would be as close as you are; you would have laughed at them. But here you are a year and four months later, and he has become your best friend. He’s done so much for you in what little time you’ve had together between encouraging you throughout college, and even just being a good friend; there were definitely days if it hadn’t been for him, you wouldn’t have made it through.

Recently, within the last three months you have realized you started to develop feelings for him, which terrified you for multiple reasons. Reasons being: your job for one, working in the wrestling business is hard much less when dating within the company itself is frowned upon. You worried what the fans would think if word go out or that it was even rumored that you two were seeing each other, because the last thing you’d want to ruin where he is in his career. The four year age gap between you two was also another small factor. Now, age may not seem like a big deal to some, but it was to you considering you are short for your age. For all of these reasons, you tried so hard to swallow your feelings towards him.

However, one day all of that changed when one of your mutual friends that you both respect and admire pulled you aside, and told you a little secret—Mustafa may, or may not have feelings for you. That he thinks you are hot. Now, when they said that, it kind of started to play into your head that maybe they were joking around, and just pulling your leg; because you and the word hot rarely ever get used in the same sentence. Plus, you thought it was completely crazy that Mustafa could possibly feel the same way about you because he has always looked at you as a friend. Like he was the one that pushed you to go for your feelings with other guys, like your wingman of sorts. But nonetheless, something inside of you told you “just go for it, what’s the worst that could happen?”

With this YOLO Mindset you found Mustafa just sitting in catering. “Hey Y/N!” “Hey Mustafa, can I talk to you?” “Yeah, sure. Everything okay Y/N?” Mustafa looked genuinely concerned because of the tone in your voice. You nodded while walking with him, trying to find a more quiet, secluded place for you two to talk. Your nerves? Through the roof at this point. You started playing with your fingers which Mustafa knew was one of your nervous habits. “Y/N, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” “Yeah, I know. I just don’t want what I’m about to say to ruin our friendship.” Mustafa took your hands in his. “You can do this Y/N, just tell me what’s on your mind. You’re not going to lose me.” You took one more deep breath, “Truth is, I’ve liked you for a while now, but I was always afraid to say anything because I knew relationships within the company were frowned upon, and I didn’t want to make it harder on you in any way.” Mustafa started smiling, “God, you have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to hear you say that. I like you to Y/N.”

End

[what-if-i-just-did]

(Ok I know I still have like three or four things I SHOULD be working on, but it's Destiel Day so I just had to celebrate)

Taglist: @ldthegreen @violettavirus

Trigger Warnings: Severe grief, self-harm in the form of wrecklessness, cutting, alchoholism and refusal to numb pain, mentions of death wish, mentions of drowning, relapsing, not speaking/eating/performing personal hygiene as result of grief

"You're home."

"Cas.. Cas Cas!!!"

Three years. Three goddamn years.

"Castiel, where are you!!"

The first.. month or so, was the easiest. It shouldn't have been, but he was still numb. He was hopeless, borderline suicidal, but he was numb.

"Cas, You fucking bastard!"

One night, he just broke, and all the memories he'd been repressing flowed back and drowned him. Every single word Cas had said. God, how could he have been that wrong? About.. about everything... That night, Sam found him trying to drown in Jack Daniels. Drunk, and crying, but Sam pushed and he finally got the story.

"Come back here! I need you!!"

Dean spent the better part of the next half year in his room, in a bottle, spiralling. The drinking got worse at first, and then it got less. He didn't get it, because despite rarely drinking anymore, he still felt worse and worse and worse. Then he realised he was just punishing himself by not getting numb, by making himself feel. He stopped drinking. Cas deserved that much.

"You were wrong Cas! You were so goddamn wrong!"

He wasn't eating, or talking, or taking care of himself. He hadn't realised that until he walked past a mirror one day and saw his hair was long and he had a beard. He didn't like it. He cut it himself, and if one accidental nick during shaving developed into a concious habit, then. Well, that was between him and his God, right?

"I fucking need you! I can't do this shit without you!"

Sam tried to help, of course. Tried to get him to eat or talk or stop drinking. Dean barely noticed anymore. He hadn't even realised that he hadn't spoken in a year, hadn't eaten in five days. His mind was mostly blank and foggy, even without the drink. There was a huge sinking, heavy hole in his chest that never left. He was tired all the time, regardless of how much he slept. He didn't keep track of time, barely even knew if it was day or night.

"Cas!!! Come back!"

At some point, cutting and not drinking wasn't punishment enough. He hadn't had a bruise, or a fight, or a broken bone, in one and a half years. He started hunting again, wrecklessly. Sam was worried but he couldn't care. He just wanted it to be over- he'd have killed himself if that wouldn't be the worst betrayal he could possibly do unto Cas.

How could Cas possibly have thought he could do this alone?

"You fucking assbutt, you come back here!"

So he got angry. He got into fights. He got hurt. He yelled, and screamed, and raged, and never said a word about the only thing he was thinking of. He got angry at Cas for leaving, for thinking he wasn't loved, for saying that and then dying, for making Dean live with the weight of those words on his shoulders.

"Don't you fucking get it, you were wrong!!!!"

He got angry untill he couldn't anymore. Until he fell, until he broke again, until he cried again. Until he drank again, cut too deep, locked his door again. Until he just wanted to end it, and couldn't.

"Cas!!!!!"

Until Sam decided, enough was enough. Until he made Dean realise that, Cas was a Winchester. If they wanted him back, they were gonna get him back. So, Dean Winchester had hope again. He had determination. So he ate, and he showered, and he drank water, and he researched. And if he couldn't shake the cutting, then, at least he did it way less and way safer. And if he still barely spoke, then, at least his ASL was making large progress.

"Come back", and his voice breaks.

Sam still went on hunts. Sam was together with Eileen, and now that Sam saw his brother doing better, Sam would leave for longer periods of time. Dean found some real estate websites open on his laptop one day, and he was glad Sammy was finally getting more of the life he deserved. And maybe.. when he got Cas back.. maybe they could have that, too.

"Come. Back!!!!!! Dammit!"

Finally, they found something. Three years. Three goddamn years, and they found something. So they got what they needed, called in some favours, did the spell. Exept, Dean had no idea how to find Cas now that he was in the Empty. So he just started yelling. And yelling, and yelling, and eventually something was going to wake up. And if it wasn't Cas, he could deal with that.

"Cas- !!! Cas!?"

He ran. He ran, and he ran, and it seemed like he was running for days or seconds or hours but then he fell to his knees by his angel's side and the first touches of his finger tips to Castiel's coat and hair felt so electric and a dozen times better than any other sensation he had ever known.

"Dean?" Cas asked, groggily, confused.

Dean gripped his coat, his head, lifted Cas so they were eye-level. "Cas."

"What are you- Wh- How-"

"Cas, shut up" He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Cas's. Breathed in his scent and it was enough to have him on the verge of tears. It was Cas, it was Cas, it was Cas and he was okay and alive, almost, and breathing and here and okay. "You're an idiot. A- You- You just.. it's my turn, okay?" He opened his eyes again, saw Cas nod.

"You fucking dumbass, I love you too." He said, and it was like his heart broke again but this time there was hope, there was promise.

"Dean?"

Dean smiled, exhasperatedly, huffing out a breath, and leaned forwards a little. Not a lot. Just enough to touch their lips.

The way Cas responded, you'd have thought he was receiving something holy, a lost man in the desert finding water. A drowning man finding air. So that's how Dean kissed back- like he needed, he wanted, he loved. Because he did, he did, he did and he had Cas back now.

"We're good, we're good, we're good... we're getting out of here, Cas, we're going home. You're home."

[localplaguenurse]

Hey.

uwu

Thinking of doomed to die ver for the boys

I was thinking of cancer like as in either Jason or Oli got it, like sure it can be cured but there’s no guarantee it’ll be gone for good, it’ll most likely come back. So they would spend the last couple years,months, and days doing everything they always wanted to do together before the unavoidable happens.

Well Ivy, you're (hopefully) asleep rn as I'm answering so idk if you'll see the notif for this being answered first, or my discord messages.

I don't think I explicitly told you this, and I don't know if you put the pieces together yourself, but Oli's creator is @wretchedshade, who actually had cancer herself. She's beat it since, and she actually just got her bloodwork done again and she's still in the clear.

As such, I had her help in writing this out. This is all based on our instagram messages. I'm also going to put a "read more" here because while it won't get into the nitty gritty details, cancer is not fun. Actually got a little emotional typing it out rip-

Content warning: cancer and cancer treatments, referenced smoking and drug/alcohol usage, mentions of depression and suicide

Oli would more than likely develop lung cancer. He was a smoker for a while and he did start quitting around the time he and Jason got together, fully ditching the habit once the two brought Alice home. It's stage two cancer because Shade wants to be nice, so he'd be doing light chemo and taking medication. She wanted to make it stage three like hers was where he needs emergency surgery, heavy chemo, possible radiation.

Since it's the lungs though, which are delicate, he'd have to do chemo/radiation to shrink the cancer/tumors down before they have to actually go poking around in there and making the really hard decisions.

"And despite it all and the constant pain, nausea, breathing problems and losing his hair, Oli still has a smile on his face bc even though he's been told his chances are good, if something does go wrong he doesn't want his husband and daughter's last memory of him to be how much he suffered." - Shade

Jason would refuse to cry in front of Oli or Alice. He needs to be their support system. Alice is young, she doesn't fully understand why this is happening and is scared she's going to lose her papa, and Oli's the actual cancer patient. The cancer patient doesn't need to console the healthy man and tell him everything's going to be okay, because Jason's not the one with cancer. He saves his tears for when no one is around and for the day Oli gets cleared.

If it were Jason, it would more than likely be pancreatic cancer, possibly even leading to liver cancer. While his main and worst addiction was cocaine, he was also a really heavy drinker during his band days. Even in the years after leaving the band, he still struggled with alcohol and binge drinking every now and then whenever he had a really bad day.

Regardless of the stage of cancer and if he is/isn't going to make it, he's pulling out his "bucket list," something he whipped up back when he was a suicidal teenager who thought he was going to go out in a drug fueled blaze of glory like all the other rockstars he admired did. It's a dumb list of dumb shit, but he picks out a few activities that he thinks are still fun or doable, and he does them with his friends and family so that regardless of where he winds up, they'll think of the fun times before the shitty ones.

It would also be one of those instances where he actually talks to and tries to spend time with his dad. Hell, it might be enough that his dad finally stops being a bitter bastard and gives Jason's "nontraditional" family a chance. Jason got his spite and temper from someone, but even his dad knows this is not a time to be a bigot when his first and only child is sick.

He also doesn't want anyone making comments about his hair. No jokes, no remarks, no pointing out bald spots. Jason's favourite part of his appearance is his hair, and he was devastated hearing he'd lose it during his treatment. What lessens the sting is him and his daughter picking out chemo beanies and wigs for when he finally goes bald. It also helps to make Alice less worried about everything, and is a nice bonding experience during a really difficult situation.

Alice kind of exists in my head in a perpetual limbo of either baby or small kindergartener, maybe a teenager. I'm picturing her being 5-6, still really young. She's a sweet child and loves her dads dearly, so when they get a call about a fight at school, it turns out it's because she started hitting a kid that made a comment about whichever dad has cancer. Jason's "talk shit get hit" mentality is genetic. She felt bad because she doesn't like hitting people, but other than that she refused to apologize to the other kid.

[allandoflimbo]

Ashens (Part 40)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Rating: for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex. Major character death, mentions of suicide. Bucky and Reader are toxic in this but also very much in love. Heavy on the angst, and very strong language.

++ +

Full story here:

ASHENS MASTERLIST

“She doesn’t cry much.” You say a few minutes after the most enjoyable silence of your life, “I’m not sure why.”

Bucky frowns.

“Not even when she’s hungry?”

You shake your head.

“It’s more of whine than a cry. But again, she’s only been here a day or so. I think it’s too soon to tell.”

+ + +

Bucky walks into Steve’s tent, his shoulders feeling light and relaxed.

“They’re both asleep. I’m going to be moving my things into their tent so I can stay with them.” Bucky tells Steve as he takes a seat near the weapons table.

Steve looks at Bucky briefly.

“I wanted us to talk just the two of us first before we have the briefing with Daisy and Bruce.”

Bucky nods.

“Bucky,” Steve sighs, sitting across from him, “It’s Daisy.” 

“Yes.”

Steve observes him closely, his green-blue eyes squinting at him.

“This is the part where you explain everything.”

Bucky takes in a deep breath.

“I didn’t know Ashens was here son. I didn’t even know she was still alive. Me and Bruce were at their main building, I went into the head leader’s office, because I wanted to find anything that could possibly show us a trace to those vials. She was in the hallway, and she came in…” Bucky tells Steve the details about Ashen and about Sophie.

“So she’s innocent.” Steve says, a few minutes later, now sitting up taller and less defensive.

“For the most part, yes. So are her children. She wanted to be with Ashens, which I clearly had nothing against. And there’s another reason I brought her, too.” Steve raises a brow, “There’s this town called Doma.” Bucky tells Steve the details that Daisy told him, “It’s this untouched town, basically. But habitable, and safe. With the cure, we can start a new life there. After we make the public aware, of course. When we’d expand.”

“So it’s a restart?” “Yeah, and a place I can finally raise my family. I was not going to pass that up.”

“And where do your feelings lie for Daisy?” Steve asks quietly. “I’m over her, Steve. Y/N is the love of my life. It’s her and only her. I know I have to tell her about Daisy, and I will. I just — I need to do it carefully because she saw me at my worst because of her.”

“That’s the thing, Bucky. You literally were your worst because of Daisy. You knew what she did to you emotionally, and you’re acting pretty nonchalant about her return right now which is worrisome.”

Bucky lets out a humorless chuckle.

“I’m not, I just see things differently now.” He looks away from Steve, “There’s something else I need to tell you about her. We’ll sit down with her but I wanted to bring it up now.”

“Go ahead.” Steve says.

“When we were there, she had these — I don’t want to call them episodes, but I don’t know how to better word it. But ….”

“You think it’s powers?”

“It might be? But how would she get them? She’s not a celestial, obviously. She’s not superhuman. She didn’t have any incidents that could cause this that would make her bring it up to me to suspect something.”

“Okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“But it doesn’t seem dangerous. If anything, it’s a good power that she has. It helped me.” Bucky picked at his finger, “Daisy said her serum transferred to Ashens. Do you think it’s possible I transferred it to my daughter? And Y/N her empathy to her, too?”

“We have to see, but if it did, that’s going to be one special little girl. I’m come around after you’re all set up in there to speak to you guys.”

+ +

“Your bed is still a bit far, bring it closer.” You whisper as you watch Bucky struggling to drag his cot across the tent towards you. For a super soldier, he looked pretty pathetic right now.

He looked over at you and glared.

“I can’t pull it too fast, I don’t want to wake her up.” He whispers back.

“She’s been up for the last ten minutes.” You say, rolling your eyes.

Bucky frowns, his eyes shooting over to his little girl’s bed.

“What?”

“She’s hungry. And I won’t be able to feed her until I have you taken care of.”

Bucky scurries as he brings the bed over more noisy this time and then drops his two bags on it. 

He drags the bed until it’s touching yours, forming a nice full sized bed.

“There we go.”

Bucky walks to the right side of the tent and drags the basinet over as well. 

Now the three of you would be side by side.

Bucky leans down, grabs the side of your face and places a kiss on the top of your head. 

He pulls away and looks down into the little bed.

“What did Bruce say?” He asks apprehensively. 

“He said she’s surprisingly doing well for a six month preemie,” Bucky’s eyes meet your tired ones and then you close them, laying it down against the pillow behind you, “he thinks there’s a ninety percent chance your serum was transmitted to her and it’s why she developed so quickly and is fighting any possible infection right now. She’s more like a two month preemie, if this hadn’t been a—” you clear your throat, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, “hadn’t been a super soldier serum pregnancy.”

Bucky’s gut was right. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. His entire life, this serum has been a terrible thing to the world. But now, knowing his baby girl was this strong, it made him a little glad.

“If she does, she’ll be just fine. Her family is made up Avengers. She’ll be raised in the right hands. She’ll be a marvelous girl.”

Katerina starts getting antsy again as they watch her squirm in her little bed, her arms peaking out from her rag.

“Before you get her, I need you to help me take off my shirt. Just make sure no one comes in, either.” You say, a sadness in your voice that neither you or him can pinpoint.

He helps your slowly pull it up over your hair. You hiss as you move your waist and legs on the bed.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes.

“It’s fine.” It’s not, you never felt such pain before in your waist down.

As soon as your breasts are exposed, Bucky slowly and carefully picks up Katerina. You push your hair aside, he helps with his free hand. You reach out for your daughter, placing her right under your nipple. It takes a second for her tiny little mouth to find you and start drinking.

Bucky rubs his little girl’s little leg as she drinks, and pulls the cover over you both for warmth.

“We need to figure out what we’re going to do about diapers. What have you been doing?”

You run your thumb over your little girl’s cheek, trying to ignore the pain in your nipple.

“Just cup up rags and towels. It’s all we have.” 

Bucky nods.

You whimper and bite your lip as your baby sucks and Bucky notices. 

“I, uhm, I brought some things with me from the city.” You watch as he reaches over to grab one of the backpacks. It was the larger one. He places it in his lap and unzips it.

You watch in awe as he starts pulling things out like he’s fucking Santa.

A baby bottle, some pacifiers, a baby blanket, baby clothes and beanies, socks, shoes, the tiniest little mittens you’ve ever seen, a manual breast pump…

“Where did you get this?” You ask, in complete shock, “I mean I know where, but did you go shopping?”

“No, I didn’t go shopping, you little nut.” He says teasingly. He reaches over for the pump and then pushes your hair away from your face, “You want to give it a try?”

You nod, slowly detaching your daughter from your breast.

Bucky gives you a helping hand, placing her back in her bed. He hands you the pump as he starts fixing the other items around, finding a proper place for them. He’s fixing the blanket in the basinette when he looks over to see you with your head back against your pillow, your hand moving over the little machine.

Your eyes barely meet his throw half lids.

“It sucks but it’s better than her sucking on it.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, pumping away even more. 

“I’m going to try to at least get two of these little bottles filled.”

“Don’t exhaust yourself. I’m here to help, too.”

“Unless you can grow boobs, this part only I can do.”

“I’ll do the other stuff then. The none boob part. Have you bathed her yet today?”

“A while ago. I can’t even remember what day it is. Jessica says because of the weather, we should just clean her with a moist towel and some of the soap we have at the shower. Just a moist towel. Bruce agreed.”

“Alright, then I’ll do that and then get her into one of these little guys,” he picks up the onesies and finds the smallest one he could, “It might still be big on her but I’d rather her sleep in this than this fucking rag.”

“Then do it, daddy.” Bucky meets your eyes immediately and raises a suggestive brow at you. You still look completely out of it and exhausted, but you manage to give him a playful smirk.

“I will.” You hum and look down at the bottle, happy to see it halfway there. You watch as he steps outside the tent, a clean rag in his hand.

Your baby coos next to you.

“I know. He’s quite silly, isn’t he?” Another coo, “He’ll be a good dad. Probably the best dad in the world. He’s so analy protective of everything.” You mumble the rest, hissing as you involuntarily move your leg again, “I kind of feel bad for you. You’ll never get a boyfriend in this world. He would never let you. But I won’t tell him if you do. Us girls, we got each other. You can tell me anything, always.”

Jessica said the stitches would take about ten days to heal and about a month for it to be fully good. 

She cut your womanhood, practically in half, and that’s something you would hold over hear head forever. 

You finish the first bottle right when he comes into your tent, soapy towel in hand.

“Alright, baby girl.” He whispers, pulling Katerina out of her bed. 

You take a break from pumping your breast milk and cover it with the blanket. You watch as he places your daughter on the foot of the bed, taking her little rag off.

It’s the first time he sees her without it and she looked even small. His movements falter for just a second.

“God, she’s small. Bruce really said she was fine?” Bucky asks, shaking his head, “She looks like a little raw chicken,” he touches her tiny leg with a smile, “A cute one, of course.” He picks at her little toes, “Oh, God, look at these little things.”

You only close your eyes and try to let sleep take you in again. You feel the movements by your feet as he takes off the rag diaper and bathes her. You don’t know how long you’re out for, but when you open your eyes, Bucky’s already pacing slowly around the room, Katerina in his arms in a full onesie and little beanie. He even put the socks on her.

He lifts his eyes and sees you.

“You’re up.”

“Barely.” You mumble.

“I know, sweetheart.” He wraps Katerina in her new blue and purple baby blanket and then sits next to you again, “Steve wanted to speak to you about something. I can tell him tomorrow is better. You need more rest.”

You shake your head back and forth.

“There’s a good chance I’ll be like this for a few days. He can come now, it’s fine.” You reach for your shirt that’s now on his bed, “Just help me get dressed.” Bucky helps you pull it on, “I’ll fill the next bottle later tonight.”

Bucky steps out once you’re fully dressed and goes get Steve.

“Hey, Stevie.”

“Hey there, mama. How are you?” He asks tenderly.

“Tired.”

“I won’t be long.”

“Okay.”

“Bucky was telling me about your possible powers. Is this true?” “Yes. I feel what he’s feeling when I touch him, I think when I touch anyone, and I’m able to transfer this warmth I guess? But it felt stronger when I was pregnant. But it was there all along. I think that’s why I always felt this powerful attraction to him—”

“Because I felt it too.” He says, almost guilty by how things happened between you guys and his lies.

“But yeah.”

“Do you remember any incident where maybe you felt something, unearthly? Or some kind of accident?”

You shake your head back and forth.

“When did it start, do you remember?”

“Maybe in high school? Or a little after?” Just then a look comes over your face and your hand goes to your neck.

“What?” Bucky asks, concerned.

“My tattoo.”

“Where did you get your tattoo?” “This random parlor near my house, but with good reviews, obviously. But the girl that did it, I remember telling her about myself, do you think maybe she did something to me? Maybe something to help me?”

“A skrull?” Bucky asks, eyes going to Steve, “But that doesn’t make sense.”

“There’s a lot we don’t know yet about things out there, Buck. But it’s possible. Look like Bruce brought some things with him from the city. He is going to take some of your DNA and some of Bucky’s and run some tests. He’ll do the same for your baby girl.” You and Bucky both nod. Steve looks at Bucky apprehensively, “I’ll leave you two to it.”

+ + +

The stitches kill you, but you’re able to walk some. If anything, they said walking would be good for you to avoid blood clots. You’ve been walking with Bucky back and forth from your tent to the main tent at least ten times a day now. It’s been three days since he arrived.

It’s on one of your first walks by yourself that you wished you hadn’t left your tent. You had been walking to grab some more soap and some tomato soup for dinner in the makeshift camp’s cafeteria., which was basically just a bunch of logs set up as chairs, and another long log with several pots.

You had your little bowl ready and you were reaching over for the spoon to scoop some soup inside. You hissed as you felt yourself reaching over too far.

“Here, I can help you.” A gentle and sweet voice caught your attention. You looked over to see a pretty blonde, smiling sweetly, “Tell me when.” She began pouring you some soup until you told her it was good.

“Thanks.” You say.

“Of course. I remember what it was like. I have two.” She says. You narrow your eyes at her, knowing full on well that she most likely didn’t have her two kids in a post apocalyptic world where there was no epidural and no pain killers. But you held your tongue and gave her a small smile.

“So you know.”

She continued behind you in the line as she poured herself her own soup and your grabbed some fruit. Blackberries, since it was the only fruit tree around for miles.

“How old?” You ask, making small talk.

“Seven and four.” You only nod, finally getting ready to go back to your quarters, “Congratulations, by the way.”

You smile.

“Thank you.” There was something interesting about this woman. Why have you never seen her around before, “I don’t think I met you yet, or seen you around.”

Daisy’s face falls only momentarily.

“He didn’t tell you yet.”

You feel a strange sinking feeling in your stomach.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m Daisy.”

+ +

She really thought id just greet her with open arms

You were fuming. Absolutely and utterly ready to explode with fiery anger. That and jealousy.

Daisy. Daisy.

If your tent had a door, you would’ve slammed it. Bucky doesn’t miss the anger radiating off of you as you walk into your now shared tent. He doesn’t miss the way you almost throw your bowl of soup onto the wooden table, the soap rag next to it.

He says your name softly.

You look up slowly to meet his gaze.

“I don’t even know where to begin.” You practically sob, shoving the palms of your hands into each eyes.

“Y/N,” he repeats, running over to you. He grabs your arms and walks you over to your bed to sit down. Once your do, your eyes slowly drift up to look at him. Your eyes were icy hot, “What happened?”

“Why is she alive? Why is she here!” You yell.

Your baby coos immediately and Bucky shushes you. His body language changes instantly and he takes a step back from you.

“Y/N, relax okay?” His tone is begging.

“When were you going to tell me?” You tilt your head at him, tears in your eyes “Please don’t tell me you knew she was alive and you brought her with you while I was pregnant with our baby. Please.” He pauses, “No…” you cry, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I didn’t know she was alive.” He says seriously, “That’s ridiculous, Y/N. But I did run into her on the second visit there. I did.”

You tilt your head at him again, this time an almost comical look on your face.

“Run into her? You just ran into her?” You say it like it’s the craziest thing in the world.

“Basically, yeah. She was there. Look, Ashens is her son. That’s why she was there, she was looking for his things. There’s a story —” 

You start shaking your head back and forth and you shove his hands that are on you, off of you.

“I can’t— I can’t listen to this right now. Stop.”

“Y/N she being here doesn’t mean anything! Me bringing her here has no ulterior motives! There’s nothing between us so you don’t have to worry about that.”

You practically grit your teeth.

“It’s not just that. Do you think I just forgot the things you said to me? The words you said to me especially about her or when you compared me to her? Huh!” You shout up at him.

He shakes his head.

“Don’t go there. That’s not fair.”

“How is it not fair? You can’t just erase things you said. Like how you said I couldn’t hold a candle to her, or how I was worthless in comparison to her-"

“And then you told me to go die? We didn’t mean any of that! We were fighting! It was a fight. Stupid shit was said!”

You’re not listening, your eyes in a daze.

“—and I saw her just now, I just met her for the first time, and she’s beautiful, and those words came back—”

“Stop! You need to stop, okay? Stop.”

For the first time, Bucky hears his baby start to cry.

“If it doesn’t mean anything why didn’t you tell me right away? Huh?” You ask accusingly.

He narrows his eyes at you.

“Not the reason you’re thinking.” He says, seriously.

“Then why?” You ask slowly and calculating.

He tss’s and runs a hand through his hair.

“Because it’s Daisy. I knew you’d react this way and I didn’t want you to so soon. I wanted it to be just us for a while.”

You feel more tears fill your eyes.

“Exactly, because you know how much she meant to you.” 

“Over seventy years ago! When I was in my twenties! This is insanity.”

“I didn’t forget the way you still obsessed over her in our bedroom, only mere months ago. When we were sleeping together you still obsessed over her. Seventy years ago did not matter then and it doesn’t matter now. You know that!”

“That was before I fell in love with you! I was infatuated with this idea of her and these very old memories. Please sweetheart.” His tone becomes desperate as he crouches down in front of you and takes your hand in his, “I love you.”

You look down at his hand on yours and you sniff.

You were still so exhausted. You felt so tired. You just wanted peace with your now crying baby.

“She’s here. She’s here,” you whisper repeatedly, “You trusted to look past her hydra background to bring her here near our daughter when she was married to the man that murdered my mom and dad,” You look up to meet his sorrowful eyes, “Did you even tell her that part?”

Bucky swallows thickly and his head drops in shame.

“I know, okay? I know. But we talked, and she is not our enemy. I promise.”

“You brought her with you. When she asked to come did you even think about how I would react? About how it would make me feel? About our relationship?”

“Of course I did. But there’s so much to it.”

You bite your bottom lip to stifle in a cry. You let it go and suck in a deep and shaky breath.

“I don’t trust her. I don’t trust her.”

You quickly shoo his hand off yours.

“Do you want me to stay away from her?” He asks slowly, “I’ll do that. I can do that.”

“I didn’t want her here in the first place.”

Bucky runs another hand through his hair.

“That’s not fair. Ashens is her son, and Hydra is after her. She needed safety, I wasn’t going to leave her there. And you know very well with that in mind that my choice had nothing to do with me having feelings for her, it was a logical and compassionate decision.”

You take in a deep breath.

“You should’ve still told me.” “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I need some air.”

You don’t even give him a second glance as you leave your tent. You felt terrible for leaving your crying baby behind, but you were moments away from having an even bigger meltdown. The only thing to make it worst, was to run into Will outside, which you did.

He had heard it all.

[primal-savagery]

couple questions: 11, 25, 26 :)

Yes yes yes thank you so much for the questions!!! 💞

11. What good do they bring out in each other? [STORY SPOILERS]

So, I actually did answer this one a while back on my main blog. But I think I'd actually like to answer it again properly, especially since Vel has undergone some further development alongside some of my friend's characters.

In summary, Vel has grown to be something of a cautionary tale for Astarion to witness as he learns about Cazador's ritual, and then has to decide what he intends to do about it. Fear is a major driving factor for both of them in the decisions they make and the way they react to certain situations. However, Vel has already suffered through her failed attempt at a power grab years ago; and she barely managed to crawl out the other side on her hands and knees. She is someone who has known what it's like to have held power over others, and clung to that power as her sole means of survival. She's also seen the way it twists and corrupts in both herself and her betters as the smaller and weaker of a set of three sisters. Velvel only ever had what they saw fit to award to her and knew she could have it all taken away in an instant, so for over 400 years she put in the effort to be exceptionally wicked and cruel out of fear of what might happen to her if she ever showed weakness. Her most powerful sister already saw her as a fine sacrifice to Lolth and tried to make good on that once. And as soon as Vel got fed up and devised a plot to dethrone her competition, her plan failed so spectacularly that she had no choice but to flee to the surface with two of her underlings.

And when she got there, she decided there would be no revenge plots. She wasn't playing that game anymore. It wasn't worth it.

But that didn't mean she was suddenly cured of old habits. In fact, being forced into playing housewife for the last 20 years meant she never really got to work through them properly. They just manifested in new and detrimental ways. Her knee jerk reaction to dominate others resulted in a strained relationship with her daughter, who often found it easier to run away from home for months at a time rather than tolerate it. Her reputation didn't allow for many connections to be made with others, so by the time the Nautiloid came around to pick her up she was something of a recluse. And winding up at the helm of a group of other dying strangers with their own individual goals was a shocking experience she was not at all prepared to take on rationally. She put her foot down too hard, got her way by raising her voice louder than everyone else around her, and encouraged dissenters to take their chances on their own if they disagreed with her.

You can probably imagine that her and Astarion didn't get along great in the beginning.

While her perceived strength would have made a great insurance policy for his safety and security amongst their group, Astarion thought she was so insufferable and rigid that he didn't even bother trying his tactics on her in the beginning. Instead, he was exhausting all of his other choices when he noticed Vel seemed to be inclined to cozy on up to anyone who was remotely kind to her. While she believed she was a newly made widow and coping in the worst way possible, Astarion misidentified her as a desperate and lonely spinster and made his move. And he was right on target; she fell for the facade quickly.

Later on when their relationship was developing into something more, Astarion admitted why exactly things had initially started between them; she was a domineering leader, and he desired protection. Having her wrapped around his finger essentially guaranteed it. This revelation, combined with a separate incident in which she hurt someone she saw as her own flesh and blood was finally enough for her to take a step back and realize that her history in the Underdark still ruled her completely. Simply removing herself from the situation hadn't been enough. By the time they get into Act 3 she is making the effort to leave that all behind for good.

Meanwhile, Velvel has taken on a solid no tolerance policy for Astarion's apparent desire for unnecessary cruelty and chaos. That isn't to say she doesn't indulge him here and there; she absolutely helps him kill Gandrel, because as far as she's concerned a member of their group is being threatened. But Vel can be pragmatic to a fault, and Astarion's preferred methods would have them burning far more bridges than they can afford to lose. She is rigid, yes. But it's not like she doesn't need to be in order to effectively deal with him early on. And as Vel approaches more and more situations strategically and diplomatically, and gets them favorable results, I think that's where Astarion begins to see that there is something to be gained from kindness. Or at the very least, not solving every problem with a blade or by exerting his will over others.

But when he is becoming more and more determined to proceed with the ritual while Vel is learning not to sink her claws in so deep, they're at odds again. Things are looking up for her; she's getting along better with their group and becoming a more respected leader as a result, and is patching things back up with her daughter who she's recently been reunited with. But the turn Astarion is taking is frankly terrifying. And she makes him understand in no uncertain terms that she is not following him down whatever path this is that he's taking. She won't help him doom his spawn siblings, and she's even determined to help the Gur get their children back if he isn't willing to assist them. She doubles down on this harder once they realize just how many souls will be condemned if he follows through with the ritual. Throughout the course of their journey, she has both lectured him on how power corrupts, and shown him firsthand through her own behaviors what exactly that looks like and how much suffering it causes for everyone involved. And when she makes one final bid to persuade him away from the ritual, I think this all culminates in his decision to abandon it and free all the other trapped spawn.

25. Who said "I love you" first?

It was Astarion in the graveyard who dropped the first proper L-bomb. But it's not like it was something they hadn't expressed already through other words and actions beforehand. Like Vel dropping gold on some new armor for him upon reaching Baldur's Gate because she hated how he had so little protection. Or Astarion insisting that Vel was to be the first one that got to enjoy a hot bath upon the party settling down in the Elfsong because he knew she was completely spent. I think after the first "I love you," was said they immediately became insufferable with it; like a singular crack in a dam that caused it to break and spill forth.

26. How are they with PDA?

Admittedly, Vel is a bit of a brick when it comes to PDA. She's only known affection itself for about 20 years now, and showing it in front of a bunch of staring faces can be...Uncomfortable. I imagine when they're solidified in their relationship post-Cazador, Astarion is quite giddy and much more open to it than she is. But she manages to overcome some of her own hurdles to be able to give him a short, sweet little kiss in broad daylight in public. He certainly wouldn't mind more, but at the same time he understands boundaries quite well now.

I think he'd be surprised to find that she'd actually be more open to PDA in a crowded tavern filled wall to wall with a bunch of strangers that care even less about her than she does about them. She feels a bit less seen that way; able to focus more on him rather than who it is that might be watching them.

[pestcontrolstyle]

Benefits of Oviedo Pest Control Service

Parasite infestations may be an individual's worst nightmare. Coming from rodents sprinting in the attic room to pests quietly feeding on wooden establishments, insects can easily ruin your building and also your satisfaction. In such scenarios, hiring the assistance of a professional Oviedo pest control company may be a wise selection. These specialists are outfitted with the expertise and resources to do away with pests as well as stop them from coming back. Within this article, our team will definitely discover five essential benefits of tapping the services of an insect control service.

Effective Pest Elimination

Some of the key advantages of employing a Oviedo pest control service is their potential to effectively do away with bugs from your house. Pest control experts possess significant training and also expertise in handling a large variety of parasites, including pests, rodents, and wildlife. They comprehend the habits, habits, as well as lifecycles of these pests, enabling them to develop tailored methods for eradication.

You might certainly not have accessibility to the exact same amount of expertise and information when you try to handle an insect problem on your own. Pest control professionals have actually access to focused products and approaches that are certainly not conveniently offered to the typical resident. These products are actually designed to target certain pests while minimizing injury to human beings, pets, as well as the atmosphere.

Long-Term Pest Deterrence

While eliminating existing parasites is actually important, avoiding future infestations is similarly important. Parasite control services don't only cease at eradication; they also pay attention to long-lasting protection. They will certainly examine your residential property for possible access aspects and also breeding grounds, addressing these issues to make your house much less desirable to parasites.

Normal bug control treatments can generate a protective barrier around your home, functioning as a deterrent for bugs trying to attack. This aggressive approach ensures that your residential property continues to be pest-free in the years and months to come, sparing you coming from the anxiety as well as expenditure of repeating infestations.

Health and Safety

Parasite problems position notable health and wellness risks to house owners. Several bugs lug diseases or may activate allergic reactions in people. For instance, roaches are actually recognized to spread bacteria, while mosquito bites may send harmful sickness like West Nile infection as well as Zika virus. Furthermore, the chemicals frequently utilized in do-it-yourself Oviedo pest control can be hazardous if mishandled.

Qualified bug control solutions focus on the safety of your household and pet dogs. They are trained in the appropriate use of chemicals and follow stringent protection protocols to decrease any sort of risks. By hiring specialists, you can feel confident that the insect trouble will definitely be actually fixed without compromising your health.

Economical Solutions

Some individuals might be reluctant to hire a Oviedo exterminator solution as a result of concerns concerning the price. However, in the long run, qualified pest control can be a cost-effective answer. When you seek to handle a parasite trouble by yourself and it worsens or even continues to persist, you may end up spending more money on do it yourself treatments and repair services for the damages caused by the bugs.

Parasite control experts certainly not only do away with pests efficiently however likewise aid stop future infestations, possibly saving you loan in the long-term. Also, the worth of a pest-free home, free from the stress as well as inconvenience of taking care of parasites, is countless.

Peace of Mind

Perhaps some of one of the most useful advantages of working with an insect control solution is the assurance it provides. Coping with an insect infestation may be bothersome and also exceptionally taxing. The continual fret about parasites damaging your home or even dispersing ailments may take a price on your emotional and also psychological wellness.

By turning over the insect control to professionals, you may rest as well as restore control of your home. You can easily appreciate your residence without the steady anxiety of running into undesirable parasites. This satisfaction is actually valuable and also supports a boosted lifestyle for you as well as your loved ones.

Conclusion

Finally, pest control solutions use a variety of benefits that create all of them a practical financial investment for property owners facing pest infestations. These experts certainly not merely get rid of insects efficiently yet also offer long-lasting deterrence, focus on health and safety, deal cost-efficient answers, and take satisfaction to your residence. When faced with a pest problem, it's a good idea to look for the proficiency of a pest control company to defend your residential property as well as your wellness. Don't allow parasites take over; take control with the help of professionals.

All American Pest Control

Oviedo, FL 32765

(321) 296-8999

Pest Control Oviedo