#not my favorite of this but I’ve nine hundred things to do and if I didn’t do this now I’d forget

[freedombooksflowers]

Darling

For @wolfstarmicrofic l

“My darling,” Remus murmured as he bounced Teddy lightly in his arms. His poor son would not stop crying.

“It’s the teething.” Sirius appeared in the living room with a cold teething ring.

“I know. It’s awful.” Rubbing Teddy’s back, he moved closer to Sirius who stood in the kitchen doorway. “Sorry he’s keeping you up. I know you’ve got an important meeting in the morning.”

With a laugh Sirius gave the ring to Teddy then wrapped his arms around them both. “I‘ll survive.”

[hanasnx]

can you share some of thosr anakin-related-content-you-consumed on ur anakin fixation era cz im fixating on anakin aswell rn and i want to study him!! please, idk where to start 🙇🏻‍♀️

supercut of star wars I - III reddit link with instructions to receive them via google docs

i've seen both tpm and aotc supercuts but i have yet to finish the rots supercut because of it being so long. there are also deleted scenes on youtube that were not included in the supercuts linked here:

star wars episodes I and II extended edition - unused deleted scenes youtube video

revenge of the sith 4 hour supercut - unused deleted scenes youtube video

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for some reason, no sweat. the same channel listed in the above links has a bunch of videos on their channel of all "restored deleted scenes" that you can watch individually. of course, that is without the "siege of mandalore" that's included in the rots supercut. but that's just the bits you would see from season 7 of the clone wars spliced in, so you wouldn't be missing anything.

star wars: episode I - the phantom menace

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for whatever reason, start here. one of my favorite star wars movies. features young anakin, about nine years old, and how comes to live with the jedi, how he meets padme, and where he comes from.

star wars: episode II - attack of the clones

we follow older anakin, about nineteen years old, where he reunites with padme and they fall in love. the cracks of the dark side's influences are beginning to show.

star wars: clone wars

this is the mini-series released in 2003-2005 to depict anakin's journy throughout the beginning of the clone wars to prepare audiences for star wars: revenge of the sith coming out in 2005. it has since been de-canonized and replaced with the clone series that comes out in 2008. it is still worth the watch. anakin's voice actor is supremely talented and sounds a lot like hayden christensen. albiet he is dramatic, as it is a kid's show, i still very much enjoy his characterization. it's actually pretty funny too, it did get me to laugh a couple times. chapter 24-25 i believe is where anakin undergoes a sort of spiritual awakening, and the ending always makes me cry.

star wars: the clone wars movie

it was honestly boring to me, but i still watched it for much needed context on the show.

star wars: the clone wars

as i’ve said before, i don’t really care for tcw!anakin, but this was still a fun and enjoyable watch. it wasn’t completely worthless to me, i did learn some more things about anakin that applied to hayden’s rendition.

unreleased star wars: the clone wars arc - crystal crisis on utapau (full) youtube video

i didn’t finish it but from what i’ve seen so far it’s pretty funny.

anakin & obi-wan | let my people go youtube video edit

one of my favorite edits to one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. i think about it a lot, especially during the “this was my home.” lyric. hammering in the betrayal of brothers that grew up alongside one another, and if you resonate with that song and movie it provides another layer of context. it’s deliciously painful. when anakin’s side of “you who i called brother,” cuts through and interrupts the melody, impatient to speak about his perspective using ramses’ narrative to do it, it’s acutely accurate to anakin’s character in my eyes.

clone wars: battle of the heroes - a star wars fan animation youtube video

i haven’t seen this yet but i’ve been waiting to enjoy it to its fullest. the creator worked very hard on it for a long time, so it’s worth the link.

star wars episode III: revenge of the sith novel by matthew stover

i have not read this, but i’ve seen hundreds of excerpts over the course of this hyperfixation on tumblr. it’s widely accepted even though it’s decanonized, and offers insight into anakin’s head that you can’t access with just watching the movie. i thoroughly enjoy and reblog the excerpts i come across, but since i’m not a reader i haven’t picked it up to complete it myself.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith

the third installment in the prequel series, and where shit goes down. twenty-three year old anakin grapples with his desires overcoming his sense of obligations, warping his own ideals to fit into selfish purposes. you see how he betrays the republic, his wife, his brother, and himself, all for power.

star wars episode III revenge of the sith (xbox) no commentary walkthrough full game [1080p60fps] youtube video

i haven’t gotten to watch this yet but i’d like to soon, i’ve seen bits and pieces and i believe there are alternate endings that prove interesting. if you like gameplay movies i think you should give it a shot, but if not, go ahead and skip this one.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith - making the game youtube video

it’s short and sweet. about hayden’s view of the character anakin and how he acts in combat.

star wars: tales of the jedi

s1e5 where we receive insight as to how anakin trains his padawan.

vader: complete canon comic series 1-25 in chronological order youtube video

i loved this so much. so many good moments that i ate the fuck up. we follow vader in his first year of becoming the sith lord, grappling with identity, past, and recognition. we also get insight into the very sensitive time of jedi eradication, i learned a lot. my favorite parts are when vader has to fight without a saber against clones, make his own red saber by retrieving one from a surviving jedi, and the arc that includes jocasta nu.

star wars the force unleashed- full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

star wars the force unleashed 2 - full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

both of these i've been meaning to watch, but i haven't been in the mood. i figured i'd link them in case you were interested in more gameplay movies.

star wars rebels

i didn't finish this, but i did watch a lot of the vader content and the scarce anakin content. i'll watch anything that mentions him tbh.

star wars jedi: fallen order - full game - no commentary youtube video

i played this game and loved it. the ending is the money shot tbh.

star wars: obi-wan kenobi

this was probably the first sw show i watched after i got back into darth vader in august 2022. reawakened a lot for me, i really enjoyed vader's part in this story. reva is also one of my favorites, and i thought her being a mirror image to anakin in this situation was clever, i thought her backstory was unique and refreshing. but what really shines for me is vader's contribution as both an extension of the emperor and a vessel for his own selfish desires. there are parts where i can see he's more machine than man. there are also some anakin parts as well! which i didn't enjoy as much, funnily enough.

rogue one: a star wars story

i haven't seen this one in years, but i do remember darth vader's appearances being both funny and badass.

star wars: episode IV - a new hope

star wars: episode V - the empire strikes back

it took me a long time to come around on this one. now it's one of my favorites. especially because we start to get the first glimpses within the original trilogy of vader's humanity, and his ability to demonstrate faint loyalty to his blood.

star wars: episode VI - return of the jedi

fave sw movie tbh since childhood. you can't get better than the ending. vader's sacrifice is everything to me.

lego star wars: the skywalker saga

i had played this game back in may 2022 when i visited my sister. she and i used to play lego games together when we were kids, and one of my first video games ever was lego star wars: the video game from 2005 which she introduced me to. it holds a special place in my heart, and i really liked playing skywalker saga even though at this point i hadn't cared about star wars in years. when i got back home i couldn't stop thinking about the saga game so i bought it myself, and then played it so obsessively i didn't do anything else. it got me back in the mood for darth vader so i watched obi-wan kenobi, and one thing leads to another now here i am with a smut blog about anakin skywalker's entire life and his every iteration. i loved the game, i think you should play it even though it's just lego versions of everything, it's still really fun.

star wars: ahsoka

you see him in this and the cinematography is breathtaking at times, but i didn't care for it. i only cared about the glimpses of anakin/vader's appearances even if they didn't contribute anything to the story for me.

anakin skywalker vs palpatine full fight scene (hd) - star wars episode IX [alternative ending] youtube video

this is a fan edit! i think about it a lot even though i haven't seen the sequels.

the life of anakin skywalker: darth vader (star wars) youtube video

i haven't finished this, but from what i've seen it's taught me things even i didn't know. i really appreciated the facts that aren't even on wookiepedia.

any books on it i've only seen the excerpts here on tumblr, i haven't read any because i'm not a big reader but i've seen some great posts that i reblog. so don't sleep on the books/comics

great ask

[celandeline]

Summer of Like // Farleigh Start x OC (23)

If there’s one thing you can say about the Cattons, it’s that they know how to throw a party. 

The extravagance is overwhelming - hundreds of people are scattered about the grounds and in the house, all dressed to the nines in midsummer night’s fashion. Glitter seems to float in the air from how the strobe lights flash pinks and blues into the night, catching on every slightly reflective surface and amplifying tenfold. Though it's been hours since the sun disappeared behind the maze, the heat of the day still lingers, trapped between all the sweaty bodies. On the lake, lotus shaped lights drift with the breeze. 

Music blasts through the grounds, and Venetia hasn’t let go of my hand since the crowds first started rolling in. It feels like Cambridge again - the dancing, the drinking, the way that it’s just us in a sea of people, laughing and smiling and shouting at each other over the music. It’s a high on it’s own - though there’s copious amounts of coke if I wanted any.

A man bumps into Venetia and sends her stumbling into me, gripping onto my shoulders for dear life. Still dancing, she turns as the man leans down to apologize, picking up my arms and wrapping them around her middle. I rest my head on her shoulder as the man retreats, and our dance renews, swaying and grinding to the beat. 

We simply dance for a while, until Venetia tips her head back to speak into my ear. “I need another drink!”

I press a wet kiss to her cheek before letting go. “I’ll catch you later?” 

“Always.” She says, winking at me before sauntering off towards the house, her spiderweb dress like a string of prisms in the night. 

I reach down to adjust my own dress - a strapless sheer thing peppered with strategically placed peaseblossoms to cover all my bits. Left alone, the craving for a cigarette hits me, and I wander off the dancefloor in search of something to smoke. 

Even off the dancefloor, the crowds are thick. I wish Venetia had chosen something a little more substantial for me to wear - something, preferably, with a place for me to store a pack of cigs and a lighter - but I can’t pretend that my dress isn’t simultaneously the sexiest and prettiest thing I’ve ever worn. And, this quest for a cig will be a chance to meet some new people that I’ll likely never see again - a favorite pastime of mine. 

The squeeze past a gaggle of girls all dressed as fairies, following the scent of smoke. I spot the burn of a cherry in the throng, and cut through the crowd until I’m standing in front of a guy that I don’t know on the edge of the crowd. In the distance, a fire flickers on the lawn, a pig slowly rotating over the flames. 

His eyes sweep over me, and he grins around his cigarette. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I return, putting out a hand to shake. “I’m Evelyn.”

He takes my hand, and shakes it twice. “James.” He says. “What can I do for you Evelyn?”

“I was looking for someone willing to give a pretty girl a cigarette.” I say, batting my eyelashes at him. “Are you my guy?”

He laughs. “I’d be willing, for a price.”

“What kind of price?” I ask. There’s no world in which I have sex with this man for a cigarette, but I’m curious to see where this goes.

“I’ll give you a cigarette,” He steps closer, narrowing the distance between us and pulling his cigarette out of his mouth. “If you give me a kiss.”

I grin. “Sure.” 

Tilting my head slightly upwards, I plant a kiss on his waiting lips. It’s too wet, and he slips his tongue in too early, and it makes me miss Farleigh. Farleigh knew how to kiss. 

James pulls back, and digs a cigarette out of his pocket, handing it to me. I press the end to his to light it, and tuck it between my lips, sucking greedily. 

“So.” James says. “You wouldn’t happen to know who’s birthday it is, would you?”

“Oliver.” I say. “Little guy, about my height, big blue eyes. I’m sure you’ll see him around at some point.”

“Oliver.” James rolls the name over his tongue. “I don’t know him.”

“He’s a friend of Felix’s.” I say. “From Oxford.”

James hums, placing his cigarette back between his lips. “I used to go to school with Felix, when we were both in secondary school.”

I nod along, my eyes drifting away from him and back towards the flickering fire in the distance. Two silhouettes stand in front of the flames, one with antlers coming out of his head - Oliver - and the other, tall with a halo of curls…

I watch the taller silhouette bend down, getting in Oliver’s face. It can’t be anyone else. It can’t. 

I turn back to James. “I’m really sorry, I just saw someone-”

His gaze flicks over to the fire, and then back to me. “It’s fine.” He cuts me off. “You’re not really my type anyway. I don’t make a habit of fucking Americans.”

I only acknowledge the comment by flipping him off as I slip away, making a beeline for Farleigh. The walk to the open fire isn’t long, and it’s made even shorter by the speed at which I dash over. He stands up from Oliver, and I catch the sour look on Oliver’s face as he stalks away, back towards the house. I breeze past him.

“Farleigh.” 

He turns, his face splitting into a grin when he sees me. “Eves.” He drops the head of his costume in favor of sweeping me up into a hug. He squeezes me for a moment before he realizes what he’s doing and sets me back down. “Sorry.” He says, sheepish. “I just- sorry.”

I can’t help but giggle. “No, it’s okay. It’s so good to see you. It’s been so boring without you here, I missed you.”

He smiles. “You make a girl blush, Eves.” 

“So did you sneak in, or..?” I prompt, raising my eyebrows. 

“Believe it or not, I was actually invited.” He says. “They just can’t resist my boyish charm.” 

“Is that what it’s called?” I tease. 

“That’s what I call it.” He says, dipping two fingers into his sleeve and pulling out a little baggy of white powder. He reaches down, grabbing one of my hands and shaking a line of powder onto the back before running his nose along the skin and hoovering it up. I watch, wide eyed, as he licks up the excess, never breaking eye contact with me. 

Letting go of my hand, he wipes his nose, and jiggles the little baggy. “You want some? It’s pure - I made sure.” 

“Why not?” I say, taking the baggy from him. He holds out his hand, and I do what he just did, shaking a line across the back of his palm and snorting it up. Only, instead of running my tongue over his hand, I simply look at him. “Go on. Lick.”

Pupils blown wide - from the coke or my words, I don’t know - he licks the back of his hand, swallowing the rest of the powder. 

“Where's Venetia?” He asks. 

I glance behind me, back towards the manor house. “Dunno. She went to go get a drink a while ago. Probably throwing herself at Ollie by now.” I look back at him. “Why?”

He shrugs. “Just wondering if she was going to tug on your leash anytime soon.” He says. 

“Farleigh.” I give him a look.

Undeterred, he continues. “Since she’s left you, how about hanging out with me?”

I grin, stepping closer to him. “I’d like nothing more.”

< previous part | next part >

[jawritter]

Carry On

Chapter 25

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Angst! SOOO much angst!!! (Y’all gonna be mad mad). Talk of periods briefly. Language. Dean’s kinda a dick here. (Ducks from flying shoes). 

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67​​​​ Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

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One year later

“Dude, you drop that fucking car off of that lift I swear I’m going to—”

“I got it Dean!” Josh insisted. “Chill dude. I’ve done this for over a year now, I think I can get her up there and back down safely.”

Y/N chuckled to herself as she watched the pair. Josh was completely amused by his boss’s overreaction every time the young man decided to operate any sort of heavy equipment, and Dean stood by mumbling under his breath as he watched him. 

Dean never would stop being a mother hen to these young guys he had working for him. It was just his nature to take these young guys on and teach them what he knows. He taught Sam everything he could about hunting, and what he’d listen to about cars. That last one didn’t come so easy. Now that Sam was gone, he’d taken to hiring boys fresh out of high school, and allowing them to work for him in the shop while they sorted out their college decisions. Several of them loved Dean like an older brother. I mean, he was hard as fuck not to love, even if he was a little grumpy in his old age; some  stayed even after they got their engineering degrees. Josh was one of those boys. By far Dean’s favorite too, that’s why he rode him the way he did. It was Dean’s strange way of teaching him. 

“You gonna stand there and gripe at me all day, or you gonna go home with your lady and let me finish this oil change so we can close up shop for the day? Y/N’s been waiting for you for the past fifteen minutes. I got this, go home!” Josh pressed, and Dean tossed his hands in the air in surrender. 

“Fine, fine, I’m going,” Dean voiced as he turned his back on Josh and started making his way towards the office where Y/N was standing at the doors waiting for him; her arms crossed, leaning against the door frame. 

“Done harassing the help?” Y/N teased as soon as he was in ear shot, and before Dean could even answer, Josh shot a loud, “No! He’s not!” from the garage, which caused Dean to turn on his heels and side eye the back of Josh’s head. 

“Little fuckers gonna be fucking cleaning this shop floor with a fucking tooth brush tomorrow,” Dean mumbled. 

Y/N tossed her head back in a full body laugh as Josh, who apparently has the fucking hearing of a bat, turned and stuck his tongue out at Dean in a very childish manner, and Dean growled in response. 

“Okay boss man, let the guy work,” Y/N suggested as she grabbed Dean’s arm, and diverted his attention to her instead of murdering his favorite employee. “You’ve been up here for over nine hours today, time to let go and get some rest. You’re gonna overdo it, and we have a long drive to Austin tomorrow.”

“That’s the thing,” Dean voiced with a sigh as he grabbed his jacket from the back of the office chair. “I shouldn’t even be leaving to go to Austin. I have responsibilities here and—”

“And every damn one of them will be right here when you get home,” Y/N cut him off, and Dean looked at her much like a sulking child. “Now, come on, your nephew is almost six months old, and you haven’t met him yet. You’re taking this trip Winchester, cut the fucking cord and let the guys you hired do the job while you’re gone.”

“I know, I know,” Dean relented as he looked around the shop office one last time, his eyes lingering on where Josh now had the Toyota on the lift, and was working on draining the old oil. “This is just the first time we’ve left everything and gone anywhere, and I seriously didn’t think I’d get separation anxiety over a fucking job and a house, but here I am.” 

There was a chuckle in Dean’s voice, but Y/N could tell he was anything but amused. They’d been together long enough, she knew his teles, and he was stressed as fuck. This is why Dean Jr. was going on six months old, and they had yet to make the trip to Austin to meet the kid. 

Y/N took a deep breath and crossed the floor to where Dean was still standing, staring off in Josh’s direction, but not really seeing him. She hated when he did this. The therapist said it might always be something that Dean had to deal with, but it didn’t break her heart any less. The fear, the anxiety, the nightmares, the horrible flashbacks. They had gotten considerably less, but when he was stressed out, they always seemed to rear their unwelcomed, ugly heads. 

“Hey, that’s because you’ve never really had anything to lose until now. Look at all you’ve gained Dean! You’ve got a lot to be proud of.”

Dean swallowed thickly, and she just knew he was standing there counting his breaths to calm himself down. She needed to get him out of here, get him relaxed. 

“Come on, let’s go home for the night. I’ve already got Baby all packed up and ready to go. All you have to do is get some sleep, and put some open road under her wheels in the morning. For tonight though, let’s just try to get some sleep. Okay?”

Dean nodded, allowing her to lead him through the shop and out the door to where her car was waiting. She’d dropped Dean off at the shop this morning, so that he could work while she did the stressful packing part. 

They were only going to be gone for a week, and a good portion of that trip was going to be driving. Dean and Sam were somewhat getting along. Their relationship was still undoubtedly a little tense. Maybe it always would be. Still, they were at least talking and not arguing, and that was a step. That didn’t mean that Dean wanted to be trapped for days in Austin with Sam and Eileen in a two-bedroom, one bathroom house though, so they were only going to stay for about two days with them before they headed back. 

“Have you talked to Sam?” Y/N questioned as they both clambered into her ride. Dean’s eyes still had that look about them. So, she was doing all she could to at least get him talking. Get him focused on the conversation and not whatever lies or horror show his head was telling him. 

“He’s called four times today,” Dean revealed. “I think they’re a little excited that we’re coming, and I think he’s kinda scared that I’m going to change my mind.”

“You need this trip Dean. You need to get away for a while, see your family,” Y/N insisted as she pulled onto the main road headed towards home, the street lights now on overhead, lighting the way in the twilight of the evening. There were kids playing out in their yards. Dads and moms sitting on porches and dogs running about. It was a suburbia paradise, almost picture perfect, and she’d love to know what Dean thought of it all really as she watched his pale green orbs dancing over the scenes playing out in front of him.  

“Sammy and I were forced to spend the majority of the better part of our lives together,” Dean said after a moment. “You’d think he’d be sick of me by now.”

Y/N snorted as she turned onto their road. She never would get over how Dean could just be flat out honest sometimes. No remorse, nor filter. 

“I’m sure by the time two days are up he will be ready to get rid of us,” Y/N chuckled to herself. 

“Did you pick up my meds from the pharmacy? We won't have time to stop and get them before we leave tomorrow,” Dean said suddenly, worry strung thick in his voice. He didn’t have to take the pain medication often, especially since he was a lot more active now, and had built a pretty good bit of his strength back up since the accident, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about sitting in a car for so long, and what that might do to him. 

“I did Dean, it’s all in your duffle bag right where you can find it,” Y/N assured him as she placed the car in park in front of their house. She turned to look over at Dean, and she could tell he was over tense just by the way he seemed to gnaw at his teeth. 

“Dean, I can literally see you stressing,” Y/N told him, and he chuckled to himself as he finally looked at her. 

“What can I say? I worry a lot in my old age,” Dean teased, but she could tell that his smile still wasn’t reaching his eyes. It wasn’t a good day for him, and she was kicking herself for not going and picking him up from work a lot sooner. 

This is the part people don't talk about often when it comes to traumatic injuries. Sure, you might survive, and even regain some sense of a normal life back. They don’t talk to you about the shit that your mind won't let you heal from. The mental scars that won't go away.

“You’re not old Dean,” Y/N insisted. “You’ve successfully aged well past what you were intended to. You’ve accomplished the age you’re at now, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Dean’s hand raised  continuously  brushing at the light beard on his face, especially over the gray hair that was scattered there. Dean didn’t like them so much, Y/N on the other hand could help but think that the older the man got the hotter he got, so therefore she didn’t mind them at all. 

“Too old to get you pregnant apparently,” Dean affirmed with a tired, half smile. 

Her heart sank like a rock in her gut. So much so that it stunned her;  she instantly wanted to cry. Once again, as she’d done so often with Dean from time to time, she’d totally and completely misread the situation. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to leave the house and the shop, at least not all of it. Some of it was that he didn’t want to meet his nephew because even though the pair of them had been sexually active for a smidge over a year, Y/N still hadn’t gotten pregnant. 

“Is that what this is about?” Y/N stuttered dumbly, still somewhat in shock. Dean just grimaced, and opened the car door. 

“It’s nothing Baby, forget I said anything. I need to go take a shower; I’m beat—”

“Dean!” Y/N said a little louder, catching his attention;  he froze in his tracks, bending down to look back at her after looking over the roof of the car at the neighbor's house. 

“Not here sweetheart, please, let’s talk about this inside.”

There was a seriousness in his voice that left zero room for argument, so she numbly climbed out of the car, once again, feeling as if she absolutely failed the man she loved, and she hated that. 

Dean unlocked the front door to their home, and stepped aside to let her in first before quickly following suit and closing the door behind them. 

“Listen, Y/N,” Dean voiced quickly before Y/N could even get a word out. “I don’t want to argue, please. I just can’t, not about this, okay? I didn’t mean anything by it. I spoke out of turn, it was stupid, and I’m sorry. It’s not even something we’ve talked about… well at all, and I really, really, don’t want you to be upset with me.”

“Dean, I’m not upset with you,” Y/N corrected him quickly, grabbing his hand before he could either run away upstairs, or before he could get uncomfortable and totally deflect the situation. “Hey, look at me. It’s not your fault that I’m not pregnant, or haven’t gotten pregnant Dean. It has nothing to do with your age whatsoever. It doesn’t even have anything to do with your accident.”

“I know we weren’t actively trying Y/N, but I’m not an idiot. We haven’t exactly been preventing it either, and by now it looks like—”

“Dean! Would you stop it! I’m on birth control, you dork!”

Dean’s eyes bulged almost comically out of his head, and his jaw shut tight with his teeth giving an audible click that seemed loud in the suddenly quiet room. 

“You’re right, we weren’t really trying, but I’ve been on birth control to regulate my cycles since I was a teenager. When I was a hunter, it was a hell of a lot more convenient to KNOW when you were about to menstruate when you were hunting monsters that can literally smell blood. I’ve been on it so long, that I just continued taking it. We never really talked about having kids, at least we hadn’t  seriously talked about it, and had I known that you wanted kids… Dean, I would have stopped taking it a year ago.”

Dean said nothing, just blinked at her before stumbling off towards the kitchen table where he  sat down heavily; the sound of the kitchen chair scraping across the floor echoed off of the walls and made her flinch. Her gut dropped even further;  her feet felt as if she weighed a thousand pounds as she slowly made her way towards him, as though he was going to explode or something. 

She didn’t know what he was at that moment. Mad? Hurt? Sad? Relieved? Shocked was an obvious one. She felt terrible! She never really thought about it, but now that she knew HE wanted kids, hell, she’d LOVE to have a little Dean Jr  running around. It wasn’t something she was opposed to at all; just something she didn’t think Dean ever wanted. 

As if she were dealing with an angry Viper, Y/N sat down across the table from Dean slowly, who was staring blankly at the wall, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Dean?” Y/N tried, her own voice trembling in the silent room. “Please say something…”

“You didn’t—you didn’t tell me you were taking birth control,” he said after a long pause, and Y/N felt as if there was something holding onto her throat and squeezing the life out of her. “Why? Why didn’t you say something?”

Y/N looked down at the table, picking silently at a rogue piece of salt that sat on the dark wood from where they’d eaten lunch earlier that day. If she felt horrible before, she felt even worse now.

“When we first got together, you had been hurt really, really bad. My sole focus became getting you healthy and where you needed to be. We didn’t even know at the time if a physical relationship was even possible and—”

“And we’ve been having sex for a year Y/N, a fucking year! You never thought that… ‘you know he’s not pulling out or bothering to put a goddamn condom on, maybe I should tell him I’m taking birth control!’

Y/N visibly flinched, she couldn’t look up at him, but she could feel his gaze burning holes into the side of her face. He kinda had a point, but she never thought of it, she really didn’t. She was far too focused on other things. Like making sure he was comfortable;  not in pain and trying to cover it up the way he liked to do. 

The loud, obnoxious sound of the chair moving across the floor made her flinch again;  she jumped as he knelt down next to her, moving her  chair to face him as if she weighed nothing at all, still, she couldn’t look at him, and she didn’t really understand why she wouldn’t defend herself on the matter. Why couldn’t she respond  when ultimately; it was her body, and her choice as to whether or not she wanted to carry and have a child. So why was she so upset over the fact that he was upset that she didn’t tell him she’d kept taking birth control? It was a silly thing really. It wasn’t like she was hiding it from him or didn’t tell him on purpose, she just seriously didn’t think about telling him. 

“Hey,” he said after a moment, his voice much, much softer than it had been a moment ago, which gave her enough boldness to glance up at him, even though she felt like her heart was in a vice and at any moment her chest was going to cave in on itself. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I shouldn’t have lost it like that. I should have talked to you instead of just assuming. I didn’t  have any right to yell at you. You know I suck at communicating. I just assumed that you weren’t on anything, and that I was the problem, which made me not talk about it because it’s embarrassing, and—”

Dean took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face again, struggling with his own emotions as she watched him in silence. For some reason, she couldn’t make the choke hold on her throat let go enough for her to speak, or even to confront him about it. Why did that hurt the way it did? She might never understand that one. 

“If you don’t want to stop taking the pills I understand. I wouldn’t want to have kids with me either. I should have asked you instead of just assuming and taking matters into my own hands. That was stupid. You won’t hear another word about it from me. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m gonna leave you alone now, and go take a shower, because I don’t know what to say to make the way I act better. I’ll be in our room unless you want me to sleep in the office.”

Dean gave pause for a moment, his green orbs searching her face, but only sighed as he stood to his feet with some effort, leaning down to kiss her on the top of her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there as he did so before he made his way out of the kitchen, and up the stairs. 

That’s when she allowed the tears she’d been holding onto in front of him to fall. 

He’d never done anything in the over a year they’d been together to hurt her. He’d never raised his voice at her. They’d never really even got in a fight. Hell, he just relented and apologized as soon as it happened, that was a big step for Dean, so why on earth did it feel like he just slapped her in the face, shattered her heart, and then tossed it on a burn pile?

Forever:

@bubsonnobx​​​​

@britnwinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

@samanddeaninatrenchcoat​​​​​​​​​​

@wittysunflower

@demongirl1996​​​​​​​​​​​  

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe​​​​​​​​​​​

@jensenslady79​​​​​​​​​​​

@spnwoman​​​​​​​​​​​

@stoneyggirl2​​​​​​​​​​​

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men​​​​​​​​​​​

@stixnstripesworld​​​​​​​​​​​

@fullwattpadmusictree​​​​​​​​​​​

@nancymcl​​​​​​​​​​​

@christycreature​​​​​​​​​​​

@whiskey-infused-dreams​​​​​​​​​​​

@supernatural79impala​​​​​​​​​​​

@deandreamernp​​​​​​​​​​​

@forgetthisbull​​​​​​​​​​​

@miraclesoflove​​​​​​​​​​​

@slamminmine​​​​​​​​​​​

@deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​​​​

@rvgrsbrns​​​​​​​​​​​

@chevyharvelle​​​​​​​​​

@i-love-superhero-movies​​​​​​​​​​​

@lyss-dw79​​​​​​​​

@magssteenkamp​​​​​​​​​​​

@lemondropirwin​​​​​​​​​​​

@squirrelnotsam​​​​​​​​​​​

@hobby27​​​​​​​​​​​

@spnbaby-67​​​​​​​​​​​  

@mrsjenniferwinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

@defenderrosetyler​​​​​​​​​​​

@thecreatiivecorner​​​​​​​​​​​  

@vicmc624​​​​​​​​​​​

@busy-bee-angel-misska​​​​​​​​​​​

@justanotherwinchester​​​​​​​​​​

@brilovesdeanwinchester​​​​​​​​​​

@idksupernatural​​​​​​​​​​​

@lyarr24​​​​​​​​​​​

@emoryhemsworth​​​​​​​​​​​

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​​​​​​​​​​​

@flamencodiva​​​​​​​​​​​

@itmejado

@thoughts-and-funnies​​​​​​​​​​​

@teresa-67​​​​​​​​​​​

@hearteyes-j2​​​​​​​​​​​

@peaches007​​​​​​​​​​​

@bobbie3939​​​​​​​​​​​

@vulgar-library​​​​​​​​​​​

@writercole​​​​​​​​​​​

@fairlyspnfanfic​​​​​​​​​​​

@sexyvixen7​​​​​​​​​​​

@spngi​​​​​​​​​​​

@b3autyfuldisast3r​​​​​​​​​​​

@donnaintx​​​​​​​​​​​

@maliburenee​​​​​​​​​​​

@the-family-business67​​​​​​​​​​​

@agirlwithdemonblood​​​​​​​​​​​

@captainsoldiergirl​​​​​​​​​​​

@twinkleinadiamondsky​​​​​​​​​​​

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma​​​​​​​​​​​  

@impalaslytherin​​​​​​​​​​​

@perpetualabsurdity​​​​​​​​​​​

@msmarvelouswinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

@akshi8278​​​​​​​​​​​

@love-jackles​​​​​​​​​​​

@irmcpar​​​​​​​​​​​

@pink-sparkly-witch​​​​​​​​​​​

@deans-spinster-witchs-favorites​​​​​​​​​​​

@herstarburststories​

@mimaria420​​​​​​​​​​​

@deanwinchesterswitch​​​​​​​​​​​

@charred-angelwings​​​​​​​​​​​

@pascal-rascal424​​​​​​​​​​​

@myloversgone​​​​​​​​​​​

@fortheloveof-jackles​​​​​​​​​​​

@eevvvaa​​​​​​​​​​​

@bts-spnlvr12​​​​​​​​​​​

@jxackles

@lassie-bird​​​​​​​​​​​

@samsgirl93​​​​​​​​​​​

@shawnie74​​​​​​​​​​​  

@kaz11283​​​​​​​​​​​

@mlovesstories​​​​​​​​​​​

@ladysparks78

@sarahgracej​

[readyforthegarden]

Eternal - Part Nine

A vampire!gvf multi-part dark romance AU (Josh Kiszka x reader, GVF x reader)

Warnings: 18+ Only Minors DNI. Mentions of blood, death, vampirism, mentions of stockholm syndrome

WC: 3261

The air was tense, you stood on one end of the library, Josh on the other. His arms were crossed and he wore stern look on his face as he regarded you. Your face was twisted in aggravation, your hands clenched into fists at your sides. You could feel your nails imprinting crescent moon shaped indents into the heel of your palm as you tried to keep from shouting. 

“Josh, I think we can be reasonable.” Jake muttered from his desk, where he had been working in peace until you barged into the room, to get some peace and quiet away from Josh, who you’d been arguing with. You’d found yourself craving the solace of the room, and had been spending time reading, Jake’s dull typing in the background. Occasionally he’d recommend a book, and ask how you were liking it or ask what part you were on, sparking a small conversation. You had hoped you wouldn’t be followed, but Josh wasn’t one to let go, and followed you into the spacious study.

“Reasonable?” Josh scoffed, unfolding his arms and gesturing to you. “Risking her life for a pair of jeans and some lip gloss is reasonable?”

“Josh, I need my stuff.” you groaned. “I’ve worn and washed the same pair of panties so many times the seams are coming apart.”

“You don’t need them, then.” he sniffed, making you roll your eyes. 

“Danny is making a run to the grocery store today, I want go with him.” you pleaded. “I need to go, I’m going stir-crazy cooped up in here.”

“I’m sorry, is my sprawling estate not big enough for you?” Josh feigned insult, making Jake chuckle under his breath as he typed another email. I didn’t realize forty acres was so suffocating.”

“Maybe it’s you,” Jake piped up again, glancing up from his laptop. His lips in a soft, lazy smirk as he gazed at his older brother. “Maybe she just can’t stand to be around you anymore, dear brother.” you dropped your face into your hands, his twin making your case worse. Josh stiffened at his brothers words, his eyes flickering to you and back to Jake.

“Do you feel you need time away from me?” Josh asked, turning and looking at the fireplace. Of course Jake had a roaring, crackling fire, though outside the temperature was near the mid-sixties. The days were hitting highs of near one hundred, and you longed for a beach and a boardwalk hot dog and soda, salt spray from your favorite vacation spot back home misting your face. 

“Josh, I’ve been ripped from my life and my home and thrown into this dark, cold manor.” you sighed, tears pricking your eyes as you fully realized the weight of the words coming out of your mouth.  “I just need a small break, back to the real world.” Josh grit his teeth behind his lips as he studied you, before flicking his eyes over to Jake. They conversed silently as you sniffled, turning away to hide your blotchy face.

“Fine,” Josh relented with a sigh. You turned around in disbelief, looking from the small, smarmy smile on Jake’s lips as he winked at you over to Josh, who was rubbing his temple. “I will speak with Daniel and see if he can take you to your apartment and get your things. Make sure he’s able to protect you in case anything happens.” you couldn’t help it, you felt joy bubbling up inside you and you jumped up and down excitedly.

“Yes!” you turned to Jake. “Thank you, thank you!

“Oh, it’s my pleasure, darlin’.” he chuckled, looking to an aggravated Josh. “But do feel free to leave your panties behind when you come back. That is one thing I agree with him about.” you bit the inside of your cheek as Jake looked you up and down for a moment. 

“Go get ready,” Josh sniffed. You bolted towards the door, pausing briefly to kiss his cheek, placing your lips on the dimple there. You nearly floated to your bedroom, sliding on your shoes and giving Jameson some scratches as he stretched out on your bed. Manor living certainly agreed with him, now that he was used to it. The plush rugs and linens, the spaces to hide. 

“I’m gonna bring back all your toys and catnip Jamesy.” you cooed as he chirped. You ran a brush through your hair and clipped it back with a claw clip before nearly galloping down the stairs, your purse in your hands.

“Ready?” Danny greeted you at the bottom of the stairs, keys in hands. 

“More than ready,” you grinned, nearly throwing yourself towards the garage door. Danny laughed at the pep in your step.

“You’d think I’m taking you to the carnival.” he said through his quiet laughter.

“I can’t help it,” you sighed as you swung the door open and waited for him. “I’m excited. I’m excited to get my things, to be outside of this estate…”

“I bet.” Danny unlocked the black escalade, and you climbed into the passenger seat, buckling in. As he pulled out of the spot and drove down the long garage, you looked over to him.

“If we do come across a carnival though, could we go?” you asked, batting your lashes at him.

“Why, you wanna ride the ferris wheel?”

“No, but mentioning a carnival made me realize how badly I’d like a corndog though.”

Entering your old apartment was strange. It was like visiting a friend’s house you hadn’t seen or talked to in a while. Everything was the same, and yet something was off, different. There was something unsettled, like you were now the thing that didn’t belong. You stepped into your living room, swiping a finger along the coffee table and collecting the thin, fine layer of dust that had settled across everything. It had only been a few weeks, but you looked around at the walls, photos of your friends back home, your family. A shadowbox full of movie ticket stubs surrounded by colorful art prints. Nothing super artistic, just things that caught your eye and made you happy at the time. You glanced around, wondering if you were still the girl that picked out those bright pictures and paintings.

“I can start in here, if you want to take some boxes to your bedroom.” Danny’s voice made you jump, startling you from your thoughts. “We won’t be able to fit everything into the car, but we can get a good chunk out.”

“It’s okay.” you smiled at him, taking the flattened cardboard box he offered. “I’m mainly just looking to grab my clothes and Jameson’s things.” Danny nodded, giving you a soft smile before starting to set up his own box, looking around at your living room. You moved down the hallway, going into your bedroom. Your bed was frozen in the state you and Josh had left it in. Sheets twisted around your comforter, pillows still indented where your heads laid. Old, dark blood spots from where he bit you still staining the pale mauve sheets. Putting the box together, you moved to your closet, taking out clothes and rolling them up, trying to maximize how much you could bring with you. 

As you packed, you became overwhelmed at how quickly your life had changed. Outfits meant for nights out on the town with friends and dates were now useless. The fabric that once held life to you as your favorite club dress, was limp in your hands, something that felt like it was due for a donation box instead of a moving box. You didn’t realize you had started to cry until you felt a warm tear hit the back of your hand. Backing up, your knees hit the edge of your bed and you dropped down on it, letting the tears fall freely. The only thing about you that felt free.

“Hey, are you okay?” you looked up to see Danny in the doorway of your room, looking concerned. “I was cleaning out the fridge, and I heard sniffling, thought it might be the dust.” you looked up at him and in seconds he was sitting next to you, pulling you into his chest. His large hands rubbed your back slowly, soothingly. 

“Let it out,” he whispered softly, chin resting on the top of your head. “Let it all out.” you sobbed into his chest, clutching the dress in your hands and wringing it between your bodies, feeling the rhinestones dig into your palms. Danny’s arms were comforting and strong, and when he tightened them around you, you felt your tears begin to cease.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his chest, putting a hand on his tear-stained tank top as you pulled back. “I just, it just came over me and-“

“You don’t have to apologize,” Danny brushed a stray hair off your tear-stained cheek, giving you a small smile. “I understand, don’t apologize.”

“I’m just looking around at everything and in just under a month, everything is different.” you sniffled, glancing around your bedroom. 

“It’s hard, adjusting to this life.” Danny nodded, his voice quiet. “A lot changes, and the way you were brought into it…It’s okay to miss it.”

“That’s the thing,” you looked up at him. “I don’t know if I miss it, or if I’m realizing that I never want to come back to a normal life.” Danny stared at you for a few moments, taking in your words as he let his hand fall from your face.

“Okay, we need to get you to the grocery store,” he smirked. “The stockholm syndrome is talking.” you snorted a laugh, nodding at how right he was. Danny helped you finish packing your clothes and jewelry, even packed up your bedding for you and tossing the blood stained ones before you followed him to the living room, tossing Jameson’s toys and the rest of his food in one box and a few baubles and trinkets in another, along with the personal photos and documents you scrounged up. You left with four boxes total, leaving the rest of your former life behind. Closing the door on the apartment felt like closing the door on your past, leaving it to continue collecting dust.

The trip to the grocery store on the other side of town was better. Danny followed you around as you grabbed things, tossing them into the cart.

“We cannot get all of these snacks,” Danny laughed as you tossed a box of cheez-its into the cart. 

“Why not?” you turned, quirking an eyebrow. “I know you’ve got the company card.” you gave him a look with a devious smile. 

“And Jake goes over the books with an eagle eye.” Danny countered. 

“I’m sure I can work something out with the boss, okay?” you winked at him, throwing a bag of chips into the cart as well. Danny gave you a tight smile, rolling forward and following you. The drive back was quieter, the rustling of the groceries and the boxes behind you reminding you where you were heading. 

“You’ve been a little quiet.” Danny turned to you once you were both in the kitchen, putting away the groceries. You shrugged, your emotions being all over the place today.

“I just…how long have you been here? When do you get used to it?” you asked, rummaging through a bag for the next thing to put away. Danny was quiet for a few moments, and you peeked over at him as he tossed a can of corn back and forth in his hands.

“I’m just as old as the Kiszka’s. Slightly younger, but around the same age.” Danny informed you, stopping you in your tracks, loaf of bread in hand. He chuckled and put the can of vegetables in the cupboard. “What, you don’t believe me?”

“Well, no.” you shook your head. “We were just outside, why didn’t you burn or smoke?” Danny bit his bottom lip nodding as you babbled. “Do you have some sort of amulet they don’t? A secret potion?”

“No, and no.” Danny leaned against the counter, next to you, picking up an orange and digging his thumbs into it, spraying a small mist of the citrus juice into the air as he peeled its skin. “Sam and I have always been friends. Brothers, even. We grew up together, all of us did, really. When Josh and Jake turned, Sam wanted to turn too, to be like his older brothers. And when he turned….he wanted me to turn with him.” you studied his face as he told the story, seeing in his eyes the sadness of the long life he’s lived.

“But you didn’t want to.” you murmured softly. Danny looked up from the fruit in his hands, nodded gently. 

“I refused. Many times. But Sam is impulsive and can be selfish. After a year or so of letting it be, he visited. Said he had great news. He had found a witch that could grant me eternal life, without me becoming a vampire. I said, ‘Sam, I don’t want that. I’m fine living as long as god lets me.’” Danny laughed, a bitter tone in his voice. “He flew off the handle at that. Started shouting that he couldn’t live without me, couldn’t watch his best friend age, wither and die and that it was too late any way, the curse was already done.” 

“Oh Danny,” you shook your head. He just continued.

“I didn’t believe it, at first. I thought he was just saying it because he was mad, and wanted to scare me into turning. And then a decade went by, and everyone else looked older, and yet I still looked twenty-four. I ran, after that.”

“Ran?” you hopped up onto the counter next to him, taking a slice of the orange he offered you, knowing if Jake saw your bottom on the nice marble he’d flay you alive, but at this moment you didn’t care.

“I couldn’t stand to be around Sam. Jake or Josh either. They let him do this to me.” Danny shook his head. “I took a lot of time to myself. Traveled around the world. I saw when electricity became available to the public. I saw the first movie ever made. I watched the Titanic leave port in Southhampton. But I realized that even with what he’d done to me, none of it mattered without him. Without my brother.” he popped an orange section into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully as he stared down at the tile beneath his feet. “I’ve loved my life since coming back to the family…” a silence hung between the two of you, and you understood the weight of it. He’d loved his life thus far, but he still wouldn’t have chosen it. You let the silence linger, taking another piece of orange from him as he offered, biting down softly on the flesh of the fruit. 

You took the moment to think about your own life. Would you get the chance to decide what your life would be? How long or short? Or would Josh be like his brother, rash and bold in making decisions for their counterpart and cause you to suffer a fate like Danny’s? The thought made your stomach churn, suddenly the sweet citrus turning acrid and sour on your tongue. The idea of youth eternal had always had a glimmer to it when you’d come across it in movies or books, but now after Danny’s story, the lights were faded, you could see the cobwebs and dust collecting on the idea.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “That you went through that, that your choice was taken from you.” Danny turned to you and gave you a soft smile, putting a warm, comforting hand on your knee.

“After living a few centuries, you get on by realizing the past is the past.” he supplied, giving your knee a soft squeeze. He ended the conversation there, moving to discard the orange rind and finish stocking the shelves. 

You flopped back onto your bed, freshly washed linens from home, finally a color other than maroon or black or gray. The dusty mauve color of your comforter feeling soft under your skin. You giggled a bit, at just how out of place it was amongst the dark walls and art. You had mostly unpacked your things, finally happy to have more clothes to wear around the house than the few Josh had packed your suitcase with that night.

“This is…different.” you turned your head, seeing Josh standing in the doorway. He was looking around the room at all the things you’d brought back with you, a slight look of distaste on his face.

“This entire house cannot just be filled with macabre and gloom.” you sassed back. “Not everyone here is a moody depressed vampire.”

“I see that.” Josh walked into your room, running a hand across your comforter before sitting down. “Do you feel more at home, now?” you turned your head back to the ceiling, shrugging. 

“It’s getting there.” you sighed. “Danny helped me a lot today…it was nice to get out for a while.” you felt Josh stiffen for a moment.

“I’m sorry, love,” Josh said quietly. “That this has happened. That you got caught up in this mess.” you turned back to him, watching him fidget and pick at your comforter. Apologizing was something he didn’t seem to do often, the words sounding clunky in the air. 

“Well, it serves me right, spending my nights in a seedy nightclub trying to seduce the mysterious man in the VIP room.” you joked half-heartedly. “Should’ve been at home in bed, knitting.”

“You knit?” Josh smirked. Shaking your head, you answered.

“I’m sure I could make a pretty decent tangle, if I tried it.” you smirked back, hearing him chuckle. 

“May I ask a question?” Josh’s hand had moved to the top of your head, slowly stroking your hair. 

“Go for it.”

“Do you need space from me?” he asked gently. You gazed up at his brown eyes, watching him study your reaction to his question. 

“Sometimes.” you answered, choosing the honest one. “Sometimes it’s because I feel so crowded by you and others because I’m so frustrated. You have these tender moments and then you treat me like I’m nothing more than a blood bag.” Josh pursed his lips as you explained your feelings to him. “It’s hard on top of everything else going on, I don’t know where I stand with you from one night to the next, and not only that, your brothers are relentless in their teasing. I’m yours, but you have yet to say that you’re mine.” 

“You and I have…a bond.”

“So you say.” you sat up, pulling yourself from his touch on your head. “I’d like some space right now, please.”

“But-“

“Please, Josh.” you didn’t look at him. “I’d like to be left alone.” after a few moments, you heard the shifting of bed, a few steps, and the click of your door shutting softly. You sank your face into your palms, pressing the heels of your hands into your eyes. Your brain took you back to your conversation in the kitchen with Danny, and you groaned. Maybe eternal life, especially spent with someone as hot and cold as Josh was, and his brothers, was your destiny. But as the idea of centuries of bickering and sex and arguments flooded your brain, you wondered again would it be worth it.

Taglist:

@joshsindigostreak @lvnterninthenight @allieisacrybaby @xserenax-13 @sarakay-gvf @shutupdevvie @myownparadise96 @watchingovergvf2 @gretavanfleetposts @sacredthefran @josiee-gvf @highdefkiszka @ascendingtostardust @joshkiszkatoothgap @andeejoness @gardensgatedaisy @kkdarling @demonrat444 @teddiie @writingcold @dannyandthekiszkas @gretavanbestie @lightmylove-gvf @tearsofbri @paleshadow-ofadragon @gretavanslut @like-a-woman-in-a-dream @starshine-wagner @objectsinspvce @josh-iamyour-mama @mountain-in-springtime @cal-a-bungaa @capturethechaos @sunfl0wer-power @jankandjonch @gvfpal @allybjt @hippievanfleet @weightofbrokenbells @joshkiszkasbadussy @malany-gvf @ruby0antlers @samofthedawn @sacredjake @aim4thedoublee @diditallforyouu @gvfmarge @malany-gvf @highladyofasgard

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tags @iboatedhere @bonheur-cafe @alrightbuckaroo & @welcometololaland 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Nine!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

48,025

3. What fandoms do you write for

911 Lonestar

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Make Me Laugh 'till I Die, I Stand Beside You With Pride - TK and Carlos discuss TK’s special relationship with Owen, and how previous boyfriends have been intimidated by it

getting past the wounds of love - Paul-centric fic for @guardian-angle22! Carlos attends his first 126 hang, Paul, TK & Marj go crate digging

Sunshine On My Body, Rainbows Bloomin' In My Skies - Tarlos goes hiking!!

TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2) - TK’s 30th birthday party!! The Reyes family throws him a double sweet 16 party, the first family party since the loss of Gabriel.

Why Do You Think I Ran - TK & Carlos have a vulnerable conversation about the beginning of their relationship the night after Owen calls with his Huntingtons results.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Always!! First, because I am so appreciative that anybody takes the time to read my stuff. But I know it’s only like one in every few hundred reader that bothers to leave a comment so why wouldn’t I return that energy with a response?

Second, I am first and foremost a reader. I put a lot of energy into writing thoughtful comments. So I know how nice it is to get a reply!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t know if it’s angsty, per say, but maybe All Your Colors Make Me Feel Alive because they’re discussing the ways they’re grieving and remembering their lost parents.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

They’re all happy endings, generally. But maybe Call Me If You Get Lost because they’re in a hot tub and they’re bouts to get it on *sings Marvin Gaye*

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Very PG-R-rated so far

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t but I have a couple ideas for using the plot lines of another show.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not plagiarized but I had someone take the plot idea of one of my fics. Doesn’t feel good, folks!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t, but I beta read which is definitely a collaboration

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Tarlos

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I want to finish TK Strand’s day off (@carlos-in-glasses 👀)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, description and characterization. Also background for side characters.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with plots to go around the 1-2 scenes I’ve written 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I love incorporating Spanish as much as I can. If I’m not 100% sure I’ll have a friend who is fluent read it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

911 Lonestar!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is a tie!

Call Me If You Get Lost This one got a pretty low engagement, which was really disappointing for me because I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. It’s a whole, complete story with a beginning, a climax and and end. Its funny and heartfelt, and I think the characterizations are really well done. Basically Nancy tells TK she’s going on a romantic weekend by herself, it was a trip she’d booked at an estate in Hill Country with her ex for their anniversary before they broke up. TK is worried she’s having a crisis and forces Carlos to go to the estate so they can “be there for her,” but instead they catch Nancy in an awkward position with Mateo.

TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2) this one was so much fun to write! It’s funny and sweet, there’s a lot of side plots going on with different characters. It not only shows us TK through Carlos’s eyes, and how much Carlos loves him and is completely in awe of him, but how TK gently cares for Carlos and has cemented his place in the Reyes family and helped hold them together through this loss. Also it’s the introduction of my Tía Lucy. The response to this one was really really lovely 💕

I’m knee-deep in a move right now so I’m not sure who’s already gone but tagging @chicgeekgirl89 @ladytessa74 @tarlosmalec @ithilien-writes @carlos-in-glasses @rosedavid @herefortarlos @freneticfloetry @thebumblecee @wandering-night19 @sanjuwrites @your-catfish-friend @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @liminalmemories21 @never-blooms @ambiguouspenny & @theghostofashton and OPEN TAG 🏷️

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Moodboard by @softhecreator

Mr. Chalamet

chapter seven: i’m in love with you, stupid

AO3 info one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven epilogue

All my work is 18+.

Happens so fast, I can’t hold back; I’m addicted, we both know that. It feels like it’s dangerous and I wanna chase it, ‘cause just one look at you, and I’m wasted.- Demi Lavato, Wasted

“No.”

“Please, baby.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Pretty pretty please?”

“No, Tim.”

“But you’ll look so hot as her, though!” her boyfriend insisted, pointing frantically at a picture on his phone of a redheaded woman in a revealing green outfit with leaf detailing. “And you can make it yourself, you’re so good at that!”

She fixed him with a look from her place on the loveseat in their bedroom in the house he'd given her. “Flattery will not convince me to dress up as a comic book character named after a plant that gives you a rash, no matter how into her weird leaf costume you apparently are.”

“I grew up watching Poison Ivy be all sexy, though!” he practically whined. He paused, and then immediately switched to bribery. “I’ll get you anything you want.”

“You already do that,” she pointed out.

“A wardrobe custom made by your favorite designers.”

“You promised me that already.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, thinking. “I’ll pay your tuition.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You mean the thing my mom takes pride in paying for?”

Tim frowned. “Okay, uh…” Then, an idea seemed to occur to him. “Oh! Have you ever heard of Turks and Caicos?”

She pursed her lips. “No.”

“They’re these tropical islands, a few hundred miles off the coast of Florida.”

“So… the Bahamas?” she drawled, unimpressed.

He shook his head. “No, it’s more… exclusive than that. We’ll have more privacy.”

She hummed, considering this.

At her lack of refusal, he snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her in close. “Okay, look, just— just picture it, okay? Your birthday, an all-inclusive resort villa, just the two of us…” He paused, brushing his lips over her jaw. “Doing whatever we want, no one to bother us or stop or stop us from waking up in each other’s arms, no one to hide from.” He kissed her neck. “Just you and me, holding hands wherever we want, kissing wherever we want, fucking wherever we want.”

She sighed contentedly, leaning into him.

“Wouldn’t that be nice, sweetheart?” Another kiss to her neck. “Our own private beach all to ourselves.”

“We’d have to go shopping separately,” she pouted.

“No,” he assured her. “I’ll have the store cleared out, you can get whatever you want, and I’ll get to fuck you in the dressing room.”

“Tim!” she giggled, swatting his arm playfully.

“Yes, love of my life?” he asked, smirking against her neck.

She sighed. “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll dress up as your dumb character for Halloween.”

“Knew I could convince you.”

“Don’t be smug about it.”

“Will you make the costume yourself?” he asked excitedly.

“Yes, I’ll make it myself,” she said, rolling her eyes. I’ve been making my own costumes since I was ten. Obviously I will.”

“Okay, cool. Make the panties part easy for me to—“

“Tim!”

The Halloween party Tim was hosting was for him and his friends, but he’d told Elle she could invite a few of her friends, too. The fact that Lea could be there without raising eyebrows was an added bonus, he had said. 

Lea, Sam, and Lina showed up to the Chalamet estate after most of the guests had already arrived. Lea was in her Poison Ivy costume, which was essentially a bra and skirt covered in fake ivy and vines. For all intents and purposes, it wasn’t as revealing as it could’ve been; only a few inches of her midriff was exposed. She was pleased with how it had turned out.

Pushing down the urge to knock, she followed the other two girls inside, her heels click-clacking on the marble floors as they moved towards the spiral staircase that led to the laughter and thumping music downstairs. 

They descended the steps and made their way into the huge room with a bar and a wide open space. There was a pool table past a sitting room, too, along with a card table. Not that Lea could see any of that with how many people there were. 

“Lea!” came Elle’s squeal of delight, the taller girl bounding towards her and hugging her with excitement. “You look fantastic!”

“You, too!” Lea nearly shouted over the music. And she meant it; she didn’t know what Elle was dressed as, but she looked awesome.

Sam and Lina waved before heading to the bar to order a drink. Sam loved these parties because hired bartenders didn’t usually charge.

“Are you Poison Ivy?” Elle asked loudly to be heard over the music.

Lea nodded, smiling and hoping her friend wouldn’t ask for details of what the character was like.

“That’s, like, my dad’s favorite character!”

Lea’s eyes widened. It hadn’t occurred to her that Elle might connect the dots on this.

“He has got to see your costume!” Elle declared. “He'll think it’s so cool!”

Tim had made it very clear that his desire to see her dressed as Poison Ivy was deeply sexual. She wasn’t sure how he’d react if Elle—his daughter—was present when he saw her in her costume for the first time.

But Elle was already tugging Lea by the hand through the throngs of people and towards the pool table. He was on the far end, a group of his friends—and his wife, actually; Lea had known Lourdes would be there and Tim had assured her that they were nothing more than friends, they just had to act otherwise around Elle—surrounding him, turned their direction as he lined up a shot.

The exact moment he took it, however, Elle shouted out, “Dad!”

He glanced up, and Lea could see the exact moment he registered her presence, because he froze, his mouth falling open. He rested the cue against the pool table and stumbled towards them, looking somewhat dazed as his eyes raked over her.

“Right?” Elle said excitedly, misinterpreting her father’s reaction entirely. “I thought it’d be fun to show you. It’s a funny coincidence, right?”

“Y— yeah,” Tim stuttered out, his voice hoarse.

Lea smiled at him shyly, taking in his Beetlejuice costume.

“I gotta…” He cleared his throat. “Excuse me, I gotta go… do a thing.”

They watched him as he walked away, though he kept glancing back over his shoulder at Lea. Lourdes looked on with pursed lips and crossed arms. 

“Huh,” Elle said, completely oblivious. “Maybe he’s not as nerdy about her as he used to be.” She shrugged. “Oh well. I’m gonna go get a drink. You want anything?”

“Oh, yeah,” Lea said distractedly. “I’ll come with you.”

They waded through the crowd, and Lea rested her forearms on the bartop when they got there.

“What can I get’cha?” the bartender asked pleasantly.

“Scotch on the rocks,” Elle said cheerfully.

The bartender frowned. “I’ve been specifically instructed not to serve you alcohol, Miss Chalamet.”

Lea snorted. “Two Shirley Temples, please.”

Elle glared at her as the bartender nodded and began to fix their drinks. “That is not what I wanted.”

Lea shrugged. “You can’t drink. You like them. Might as well have something you like.”

Elle stuck her tongue out, and Lea laughed, momentarily distracted from the guilt of fucking her friend’s dad.

The bartender slid their drinks towards them, and Lea smiled, thanking him politely.

Elle took a sip of hers and declared, “I’m gonna go, like, dance or something. You coming?”

Lea felt her phone buzz in the hidden pocket of her skirt. Curious about who it was from, she shook her head. “I’m good, thanks!”

“Kay, see ya!”

Lea waved her friend off with a smile before pulling out her phone. Her heart fluttered when she saw the text was from Tim.

Jfc Lea

Warn a guy next time

She giggled, typing out a response.

You literally told me to wear this

My bad, I underestimated how sexy you are. My apologies, will not happen again

😂😂😂

You’re ridiculous

No I just have an insanely attractive girlfriend, that is absolutely not my fault.

Pfft okay you weirdo

“Hey,” a male voice cut into her giddiness.

Lea glanced up at the owner of the voice. “Uh. Hi.”

The man was tall, thin the way Tim was, and he had nice enough hair and his features were arranged pleasantly enough. But he wasn’t Tim, so, like, whatever.

“Poison Ivy, huh?”

Lea nodded, smiling politely. Other than Tim, she didn’t exactly have a lot of experience with men.

“Cool,” the man said, stepping a bit closer to her. “I’m Anthony. What’s your name?”

“Uh… Lea,” she said slowly, wondering why this random dude—Anthony—was talking to her.

“So, Lea,” Anthony drawled, leaning on the bar close enough to her to where their arms brushed against each other. “What’cha drinkin’?”

“A Shirley Temple,” Lea told him. 

He chuckled. “How ‘bout a real drink?”

She blinked at him. “What, like alcohol?”

“Naturally,” he grinned. 

“Oh, uh…” She swallowed, anxious without really knowing why. “I can’t, but thank you.”

He frowned. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I’m underage,” she said apologetically, “but I appreciate the offer.”

His eyes widened. “How old are you?”

“Twenty.”

Anthony looked almost relieved at that, and Lea couldn’t figure out why for the life of her. “Gotcha. I’m thirty-four, by the way.”

She stared at him for a moment, wondering why in the hell he felt the need to tell her that.”

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“Oh, uh…” Lea took a sip of her drink. “I’m a student.”

“Cool,” Anthony said pleasantly. “What’re you studying?”

“Costume design.”

“Oh, nice! I’m here with my friend Zendaya, actually. You know her?”

Lea’s eyes widened again. “Yeah, we’ve met. She’s cool.”

He nodded, moving even closer to her, to the point where it was almost weird. “Yeah, we’re friends. She’s basically my sister.”

Lea was about to say that that was cool or interesting, or something equally noncommittal, before the voice of her boyfriend cut in, “Lea, hey! Can you help me with something?”

She turned to face him and said, “What do you need help with?”

“Oh, uh…” He blinked rapidly. “Something in the kitchen.”

Lea frowned. “Didn’t you hire someone for that?”

“Right, yeah,” he seemed to recall. Anthony was looking between them, appearing confused, but he didn’t say anything when Tim asked, “I do need help with the pool cues, though.”

Lea raised her eyebrows, realizing he was most definitely trying to pull her away for sex. Not wanting to be rude to a relative stranger, however, she said, “I think the people playing with them might have some issues with that.”

He changed tactics. “Can you help me look for Elle?”

“Yeah,” she said easily, then gestured to the crowd of partygoers. “She’s right there.”

“Oh… uh… thanks,” he mumbled before glancing at Anthony, clearly annoyed (he hid it well, but she knew his moods well by that point), and went off to… talk to Zendaya? He looked pretty irritated, too. What was he angry-whispering at her about?

“So,” Anthony cut into her thoughts, “you know our host?��

“Uh…” Lea blinked, coming back to herself. “Yeah, actually. I’m friends with his daughter, Elle.”

“Isn’t she a high schooler?”

Lea nodded. “She’s taking early college courses at my school, though.”

“Ah,” Anthony nodded. “I see. Well then, would you like to go to din—“

“Anthony,” Zendaya interjected. “Quit bothering Elle’s friends.”

“I’m not bothering her,” Anthony complained. “We were just having a conversation!”

Lea wanted to say that he very much was bothering her, but she’d been raised not to be rude, so she kept silent.

“Sorry, hon,” Zendaya told Lea with a good-natured smile. “I’ll take this idiot off your hands.”

Lea nodded, returning Zendaya’s smile.

Tim was glowering off to the side, his arms crossed. Once Zendaya and Anthony were out of sight, he grabbed Lea by the hand and started dragging her around the bar and towards the theater.

“T— Tim?” Lea sputtered. “What’s with you?”

“C’mon,” he said sharply, squeezing her hand tighter.

“O… kay?”

As soon as they were inside the theater, he let the doors slam shut behind them and flicked the lock.

Within seconds, she was pressed against the doors as he kissed her desperately.

“Tim, what the hell—“ she muttered, gasping softly when he started kissing her neck and reaching down to squeeze her ass, the fake leaves crinkling under his touch.

“You’re mine,” he snapped, his other hand snaking up into her hair. “Mine. Understand?”

“Yeah,” she frowned, “of course I’m yours. What’s wrong?”

He signed, resting his forehead on her shoulder (which was actually kind of a funny sight because of how far he had to lean down to manage it, even when she was in heels). “I hated seeing that asshole hit on you. I hated not being able to fucking say anything about it. I hated not being able to tell him off for hitting on my girlfriend.”

Lea blinked in surprise. “He was… he was hitting on me?”

Tim pulled back, raising his eyebrows at her in disbelief. “You can’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“Uh…” She was trying to process this news. Someone had been hitting on her? Really? Weird. “I thought he was just being overly friendly.”

“Is that why you didn’t take a single one of the outs I gave you?” he remarked sourly.

Lea stared at him. “What, your excuses to drag me off into a closet somewhere? Yeah, I wasn’t gonna be rude just so you could have your way with me.”

He examined her face, his gaze intense and searching. “So you didn’t want to talk to him?”

“Why would I wanna talk to some random guy I don’t know?” she asked, exasperated.

“Hmm,” Tim hummed. “Did you think he was hot?”

She rolled her eyes. “He was okay.” He frowned, and Lea cupped his cheek. “But I hardly noticed. He wasn’t you, so I didn’t care. If you hadn’t told me he’d been hitting on me, I wouldn’t have noticed that, either.”

Tim smiled slightly, a small quirk of his lips. “Your obliviousness is adorable.”

She bristled. “I’m not oblivious.”

He kissed her nose. “Of course you are, angel. It’s cute.” He sighed. “However, I’m not joking when I say it really fucking sucked to see you getting hit on and not be able to tell the guy to fuck off since you were too polite to.”

“Is that what you were yelling at Zendaya about?”

“I wasn’t yelling at her,” he insisted defensively. “I just talked to her.”

“Uh huh,” Lea said skeptically. “And what did you say to her?”

He looked down, flushing. “I told her that if she didn’t tell her friend to get away from my girl, I’d end up making a scene.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Well,” he began slowly, “I was worried, alright? What if you liked him better than me? You clearly don’t mind older guys, so—“

“That’s even more ridiculous,” she cut him off. “I don’t mind that you’re older. I literally would not be dating anyone at all if it weren’t for you. Why in the hell would you think I’d be interested in some random dude?”

He shrugged and admitted, “I dunno. I just don’t want you to find someone you like more than me.”

“I’m in love with you, stupid,” she reminded him. “I don’t want anybody else.”

“Then why,” he began slowly, mouthing at her neck, “would you let another man hit on you? Hm?”

Lea inhaled sharply. “I… I didn’t mean to.”

“That’s no excuse,” he scolded, trailing a hand down her back to squeeze her ass roughly. “Maybe I should punish you.” She whimpered, and he smirked in response. She knew he did because she felt it against her skin. “Hm? You think I should? You think you deserve it?”

“No,” she argued playfully.

He grabbed her jaw firmly. “That was a rhetorical question, sweetheart. You don’t get to decide that. I do.” With that, he kissed her slowly, passionately, his body pressing hers against the doors. “And I know exactly how I’m gonna do it.”

“How?” she breathed, swiping her tongue over her bottom lip.

“I’ll fuck you,” he decided, “but I won’t satisfy you until after you’ve satisfied me. And then, if you’ve been good while I fill you up, I’ll let you cum.”

She was practically salivating when he kissed her this time, but then he pulled away, dragging her towards the theater seats and facing her towards them so she couldn’t see him.

“Take your panties off,” he snapped, and when she heard him undoing his pants, her entire body tingled with excitement. She obeyed as quickly as she could, hiking the ivy skirt up around her waist and pulling her panties down.

“Green, huh?”

“I— I thought it’d be fun if they matched the costume,” she stuttered, anxious excitement swirling in her stomach.

“Yeah, I’ll bet you did,” he muttered, stepping closer and shoving her over one of the seats. She braced her hands on the armrests so she wouldn’t fall forward, jolting when he gave her sharp smack on the ass. Then, without warning, he slammed into her.

“God, Tim,” she gasped, her eyes fluttering.

“Yeah?” he panted, already fucking into her with such force that she lost her footing, her heels losing traction on the carpeted floors of the theater and sliding out from under her. She had enough balance on the chair to not fall, though, so she let it happen, enjoying the sharp feeling of his hipbones digging into her ass with every thrust. “This what you wanted, you dirty little thing?”

“Mhm,” she whined. “Feels good—“

“Slutty little outfit,” he muttered, smacking her ass again.

Indignant despite the pleasure he was giving her, she said, “You begged me to wear this—“

He grabbed a fist full of her hair and yanked her head back. “Don’t talk back to me, Lea, or I might decide to stop.”

“S— sorry,” she stuttered, desperately wanting him to do anything but stop.

“That’s better,” he murmured, releasing her hair and thrusting into her again, the movement slow, almost leisurely. “You’re right, I did want you to wear this,” he sighed, “but what I didn’t expect was for you to look so goddamn slutty in it.”

“I like the way you look at me when I wear things like this,” she admitted breathlessly. “I like knowing you want me.”

“Oh, is that right?” Tim chuckled lowly. “You like driving me crazy, making me want you so bad I feel like I’m gonna explode? Is that it?”

She nodded, whimpering needily as he fucked her.

“Bad little slut,” he scolded, squeezing her hips, his fingers digging into her skin. “I’m so good to you and you tease me.” He tsked. “What do you have to say for yourself, Lea?”

“Don’t stop,” she moaned.

He smacked her ass sharply. “Bad girl. Apologize.”

“Make me,” she teased, her toes curling in her shoes.

“Oh, I’ll make you, alright,” he rasped, grabbing her by the hair again and fucking her even more harshly. “Gonna pound this pussy until you have to fuckin’ limp out of here.” When she moaned—both at the image and the way he was fucking her—, he laughed. “Oh, you like that, huh? You want me to fuck you so hard you can’t walk? Is that it?”

She nodded frantically, clenching her eyes shut and whining, “I want it, feels so good when you fuck me, Tim—“

“Fuck,” he grunted. “You wanna stumble out of here, babydoll? You want everyone to know whose little fucktoy you are?”

“Uh huh,” Lea moaned, her arms giving out under her from the force of his thrusts. She fell to her elbows, barely catching herself. “God, Tim,” she whined.

“You are mine, you got that?”

“Yours, yours, yours,” she chanted, willing to give him anything if he just didn’t stop.

“So the next time,” he panted out, “some guy starts talking to you, being too friendly, say you’ve got a boyfriend. You got that?”

She nodded. “Yes, I— I will, I promise, fuck—“

“Good girl,” he praised, squeezing her hips. “You belong to me. You belong to me.”

“Yes,” she agreed without hesitation, eager to please him, especially when he was inside her like this. ‘“m all yours, I swear.”

“Fuckin’ own you, don’t I?” he growled, smacking her ass again. “Own this tight little pussy, your pretty titties, big fuckin’ ass.”

“Mhm,” she gasped out, trying to arch against him despite the angle. “Every part of me is yours.”

“That’s right, Lea,” he groaned, running his hands up her back and along the fake ivy of her costume. “My pretty baby is all mine.” After a pause, he demanded, “Tell me you love me, sweetheart.”

“I love you, Timothée,” she forced out, her body jolting. Blood had long since rushed to her head, but she hadn’t noticed, really. How could she notice when he was inside her this way, making her feel so good? And anyway, she wanted to be his to use however he liked.

“Yeah?” he rasped, fucking her harder, impossibly harder. “Tell me how much, then.”

“More than anything,” she swore. “I love you more than anything.”

He leaned over and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to her spine. “I love you, too, Lea.” He ran his hands up and down her sides, rocking into her slowly rather than fucking her with harsh thrusts. Another kiss. “So fuckin’ much, sweetheart. So fuckin’ much.”

“I want you to—“ she cut herself off briefly, gulping down the intensity of what she was feeling, the overwhelming amount of love and adoration exuding from her pores.

“What do you want, love?” he asked her quietly, rocking into her. “Tell me.”

“I want… I wanna have your baby,” Lea  admitted. She’d told him that before, he knew she wanted it, but at that exact moment, she wanted him to get her pregnant so badly she thought she might die if he didn’t.

“I know, sweetheart,” he crooned. “I know you want it. Just a little longer, okay? Just a little longer, and I’ll give you a baby, I promise.”

“Please,” she whined softly. “I— I love you so much, I want—“

“I know, Lea,” he assured her gently. “It’s okay. As soon as we can have one, we will. Okay?”

“I want one now,” she whined. “Please, Tim, I want you to get me pregnant right now—“

“I want it, too, baby,” he promised. “But we gotta hold off for a little longer. And I know it’ll be so worth it. I’ll fill you up, fuck a baby into you.” She whined, trying her damnedest to roll her pelvis up against his despite the angle preventing her from doing so. “You want that, darling?”

“Yes, please,” she whimpered.

“I’ll get you pregnant, Lea,” he rasped, kissing her back again, nuzzling into her hair. “I will, I promise. You just gotta be patient for me, alright?”

“Mmmmf,” she whined needily.

“I know,” he chuckled softly, running his hands up and down her sides. “God, baby, I can’t wait to get you pregnant. You’ll look so fuckin’ sexy.”

“I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it—“

“I know,” Tim grunted, thrusting harder again. “I know you do. I’ll give it to you, I swear I will, just— oh fuck, Lea, you’re gonna make me cum if you keep clenching around me like that.”

“Cum in me,” she immediately begged. “I want you to, I want you to cum in me and knock me up, I want it, please—“

“God, of course you want it,” he muttered hoarsely.

“I wanna cum, Tim,” she pleaded.

“Not yet,” he reminded her. “Part of your punishment, remember? You satisfy me first, and then I’ll let you cum.”

Lea decided she was perfectly fine with this, because it meant he’d cum inside her, and how was she gonna say no to that? So she nodded. “Yes, please.”

“Good girl,” he practically growled, driving into her harder, faster. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, gonna fill you up, sweetheart, I—“

She reached behind her and put her hand over his, where it rested at her hip. “Inside me,” she said quietly.

“F— fuck,” he gasped. “I— I love you, Lea, fuck—“

“I love you, too,” she told him breathlessly. “Don’t stop.” She laced their fingers together.

He groaned low in his throat, his thrusts slow and deep, and then they stopped entirely. “Okay,” he panted, pulling out of her. She winced, and he pulled her upright again, kissing her shoulder as he did so. She was wobbly on her feet, which was to be expected, quite frankly, so she had to wrap her arms around his neck as he leaned in to kiss her, snaking a hand between her legs. “You did so good for me, sweetheart,” he said into their kiss as he started rubbing her clit. “Wanna make you cum for me. Such a good girl.”

Lea whimpered, her hands tangling in his hair. “Tim,” she gasped, her orgasm approaching at a rate that was actually pretty embarrassing. In her defense, though, he was really good at getting her off.

“That’s right,” he encouraged softly, trailing kisses along her jaw and down her neck. “Sweet girl. Cum for me, love.”

“Tim,” she moaned, her legs shaking from how close she was, how good it felt. He wrapped an arm around her waist so as to hold her up and rubbed her clit faster, using his own cum to ease his movements.

“There you go, baby,” he said. “C’mon, give it to me. Cum.”

And when she did, he kissed her firmly to swallow her moans. They kept kissing as she came down. Dazed and worn out, Lea blinked up at him blearily.

He smiled down at her affectionately and brushed her hair away from her face. “I love you.” She had barely managed to return the sentiment before he kissed her again, something like desperation bleeding into it. When he pulled away, he cupped her face in his hands. “Lea, sweetheart, how would you feel about going public?”

She frowned, turning his words over in her head, which was still fuzzy from her orgasm. “Public? What do you mean?”

He took her hand in his, grabbing a box of tissues off the table near the theater doors and handing her several to clean herself with. She did so with the hand he didn’t seem to want to let go of.

“I mean, like…” He paused. “Not hiding that we’re together. We could go on dates without worrying, you could travel with me openly, I could kiss you in public if I wanted.”

She tensed, throwing the tissues away and dropping them into a nearby trash can. “But… but what about Elle? And— and your wife?”

Tim shrugged. “She’s here. We should talk to her about it.” He squeezed her hand. “About us.”

She smiled. “You really want that with me? You’re sure?”

He nodded. “I can’t handle seeing some asshole hit on you again and not be able to say anything. I can’t. I love you and I want to be able to be with you without worrying about hiding it.”

Her smile widened, and she leaned up to kiss him. “I love you, too.”

“Is… is that a yes?”

“Of course it is,” she giggled. “It’ll be weird to not have it confined to your finsta anymore.”

“Well, most of those pictures aren’t gonna be public,” he pointed out.

Lea hummed. “Does this mean you’re gonna get divorced sooner rather than later?”

He nodded. “If Lola agrees, yeah. I just gotta run it by her first.”

“Okay,” Lea said happily.

“Okay, so you stay here for five minutes and then come out, okay? We can’t raise any eyebrows quite yet.” She nodded, and he took her chin between his fingers and leaned down to kiss her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“More than anything?”

“Well, don’t be a dick about it.”

He laughed and kissed her again.

This fic is the tape which I have wrapped around myself so as not to fall apart btw hope you enjoy

Tag list

@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake

To be added, please ask 💗

[alycu1]

Surprise

Imagine saving up for months and taking Eddie to the Sterling NY Renaissance Festival - because you know he’d be head over heals for that sort of thing.

Warnings: Poorly written fluff, and a few swear words - that’s it

A/n: There were many things I needed to do today, instead this edit and drabble happened… 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you’re wondering why Sterling, NY it’s because this story is really just for me, my oc, and the universe I’ve created in my head that no one else knows about. I’m only posting it here since I figure you all might like the edit if nothing else. Highly recommend looking up the festival, it’s so quaint and pretty there! 🥰

It’s about a nine hour drive, ten with stops, and all you tell Eddie a few days before is you are both going on an adventure - a road trip to upstate New York for a surprise. Nothing more. The final destination is to remain secret until you are physically there.

That has him absolutely beaming. The fact that you would surprise him with anything, let alone a vacation, melts his metal little heart. He smothers you in kisses, trying his best to goad you into telling him what the rest of the surprise is. He isn’t successful, but he’s not exactly upset about it. There’s still time.

Much to your surprise he doesn’t bring it up for the rest of the week. Not even when asked where he’ll be disappearing to by everyone at his last campaign before the trip. He just grins and tells them his baby has a surprise for him.

You can tell he’s excited though. There’s an extra spring in his step the day of the trip and he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. He thanks you all morning and it makes you laugh because you haven’t even left yet.

Packing the van full of clothes, snacks, and hours worth of music is a good distraction. It reminds him of getting ready for the few weekend trips he’d gone on with his uncle as a kid. You ask him about the places they went as you start out on your journey. But the open road doesn’t offer him as many distractions and it isn’t long before you’re dodging more questions about where you’re both headed. The patience he’s been doggedly keeping a hold of having flown right out the window the moment he hops in the van next to you.

Eddie knows upstate is where you’re from, and while he would follow you anywhere blindly, you only manage to keep your destination a secret for about half of the drive from Indiana to New York. He pesters you, excitedly, so many times you are about ready to throw him out of his own van at one point. But with a few sly tricks and those irresistible big brown eyes of his he manages to get his way.

You spend the rest of the drive telling him all about the festival and the previous times you’d been there. If he seemed excited before, he’s a hundred times more excited now. He’s an absolute chatter box, not that you mind. It makes you happy to see him happy, and that happiness just seems to bubble and grow the closer you get to Sterling. At the last rest stop he practically mauls you, declaring you to be the best girlfriend in existence - loudly and down on his knees - much to the dismay of all the families trying to get around you two to use the facilities.

He couldn’t give a damn about that though, his girl deserves worshiping.

Once you get to the festival, his smile is blinding and he all but drags you through the line to get in. Although you don’t let him get far, once you’ve paid the ticket maiden and he’s charged past the stone towers of the main gate you haul him to a stop. He looks like a kicked puppy when you ignore his protests and hold him in place, but it’s not for long. While his usual band shirt and torn jeans are a favorite of yours, you explain, it’s not the proper attire for visiting 16th Century Warwickshire. Before the two of you explore anything, he needs a makeover and you happily drag him to the nearest clothing stall to give him one.

Eddie tries to dissuade you, but there’s no way your not giving him the full experience you always wish you could have had as a kid. You spend most of your trip money dressing him to the nines as your knight in shining armor, although he insists you dress up too. You are his princess after all.

The shop owner absolutely fawns over the two of you as you try to hide just how flustered you are seeing him get dressed. Cloak, sword and all, he looks devilishly handsome. His roguish smile tells you he definitely knows you’re staring as he fumbles through tightening all the odd straps and he’ll tease you about it later. At least he plans to once his brain kicks back in and he figures out how to pick his jaw off the ground after you step out from the little changing curtain in the stunningly flowy gown you’ve picked out for yourself. You swear you’ve never seen him blush so much when the shop owner points out his awed expression.

He wasn’t sure he was going to but he definitely approves of this new ensemble, for both of you. As you finally exit the stall together he whispers in your ear, letting you know he will be exploiting your outfits to their fullest potential later that night when you’re alone. You gasp and smack him on the shoulder playfully, feeling heat pool in your core. He just laughs and offers you his arm with a graceful bow.

Now looking as if you’re part of the festival cast, you spend the whole weekend traversing the fair grounds. Meandering through the wooded paths to all the stalls and games and performers. Making a new schedule for yourselves every morning so you can catch all the shows you want to see. He loves the wandering minstrels and the raunchy comedy skits down near the Lower Shire Bogges. And the jousting? Actual fucking jousting? Extra metal.

Eddie, unsurprisingly, fits right into the atmosphere. So much so, you even get stopped a few times by other visitors thinking the two of you are a part of the shows. Especially whenever he decides to slip into an old English accent you had no idea he was capable of and gallantly offers to get you food and drink or gets up with a dramatic “m’lady” to offer you his seat. He does an exceptional job of making you feel like a princess and, while you shower your knight in praises for it, you remind him that he’s the guest of honor not the other way round.

It doesn’t stop him. He still lovingly bestows you with little trinkets you find in the market place and chalks it up to chivalry. “It’s not dead here, babe. Let me live in the moment.” As if he wasn’t a gentleman any other time.

You’ve never seen him so happy. Your days spent arm in arm, giggling like the love drunk couple you are in this little land of make believe. Your nights tucked close together, camped out in the van in the neighboring field.

He does make good on his promise the first night. (Lord of the Rings fantasy anyone? 😏) You’re a little embarrassed how much you enjoy it, or him rather, role playing. Even more embarrassed when the people in the neighboring RV glare at you in the morning, having overheard some of your prior nights exploits.

Eddie parks a little farther away from everyone the next night, and the rest of the weekend passes in bliss. Just you and your Eddie, snickering about the ridiculous dresses as you watch the royal procession pass by and betting on which knight will win the tournament. Heckling back at the hecklers as they travers the grounds looking for unsuspecting guests. Or perusing the artist stalls before choosing a tavern to enjoy your next meal.

On your last night there, Eddie whines endlessly about not wanting to leave. In disbelief that your time here was over already. But you promise him it doesn’t have to be the only time you come, you’d happily go again. And you remind him he can still take a spin around the grounds before you both leave in the morning. Make sure he doesn’t forget any last minute souvenirs for himself or the gang back home.

He kisses every square inch of you in gratitude. Once again declaring you to be the best girlfriend - the love of his life. And on your way out the next morning, he sneaks a pamphlet into his back pocket. One you won’t find out about until next summer, when he’s down on one knee. Professing his love and asking you if you’d like to marry him in Warwickshire’s little chapel under the trees.

[pleasecallmeeds]

my top ten favorite television shows

did anyone ask? no! do i care? no! 

(I actually found this post in my drafts a few days ago and decided to update it and actually finish it. Most times you can tell when 2021/2022 Madison is writing because it’s all in lowercase. I mainly just moved things around and then changed a few of the standings. I also included gifs for the ships that I love the most. I hope you enjoy!) 

10. The Sandman

I wasn’t expecting to love The Sandman as much as I did, but I did. I’m also grateful that this is my first dive into Neil Gaiman’s writing, which led me to watching Good Omens, which I also enjoyed. I personally prefer The Sandman’s mythology and the strange way the season is formatted; it has a plotline running through but each episode feels like it’s in an anthology--almost like this was based on a comic series or something. Also, major props to The Sandman for being one of the gayest shows on television. I’ve never seen a show be comprised of probably 95% queer people. It was a marvel. Don’t love that Morpheus hasn’t had any queer relationships yet--doesn’t mean he’s not queer, but so far, hasn’t said anything regarding this. I’d like it if the main character was queer and not just all of the side characters, but I’ll take what I can get. 

favorite quote: “What power would Hell have if those imprisoned here were not able to dream of Heaven?”

favorite character: the Corinthian is so fucking cool. Dream is hot too.

favorite episode: “Sleep of the Just,” “24/7,” & “The Sound of Her Wings.” I love them all. 

favorite ship: dream/morpheus x hob

9. What We Do in the Shadows

On the topic of “the gayest shows in television,” this one is included. Literally all of these vampires are queer and fucking each other. It’s groundbreaking! It’s also one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. I wish that I had stronger, more genuine bonds of friendship between this group, but they’re vampires that have lived for hundreds of years. Outwardly showing love toward your friends is overrated, I guess. 

favorite quote: “Trust me. Gay is in. Gay is hot. I want some gay. Gay it’s gonna be.” 

favorite character: laszlo cravensworth, my beloved

favorite episode: “The Wellness Center” (season 3, episode 8)

favorite ship: look, i’d love to ship Nandor and Guillermo but their dynamic is pretty toxic. besides, we all know that they’re all just living in a polycule. 

8. That 70′s Show

That 70′s Show is nostalgic for me. My aunt is nine years older than me, so she was a teenager when I was in elementary school. She would watch this show on the television at my grandparents’ house and I’d watch the camera circle around a group of kids getting high in Eric Foreman’s basement and I was invested. I love the group dynamics, the sarcasm, the humor, and the rare emotional moments, too. 

favorite quote: “Damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather!”

favorite character(s): Kitty & Red Foreman (people who don’t like Kitty Foreman need to grow up fr)

favorite episode(s): “Eric’s Buddy” (Season 1, Episode 11), “Grandma’s Dead” (Season 1, Episode 23), and “Garage Sale” (Season 2, Episode 1)

favorite ship(s): hyde x jackie, eric x buddy

7. Stranger Things

If it weren’t for the last two seasons of Stranger Things, this could easily be at the top of the list. But my perception of Stranger Things has changed so much through these last couple of seasons. I still really enjoyed the fourth season, which is why it has remained in my top 10. There’s things to like about season 3 and 4, but they don’t compare to seasons 1 and 2. The mystery, the character development, and the strong relationships between characters made me fall in love with the show. Unfortunately, I feel like this has declined over time, but nonetheless it’s still a fun time, even if the actors will be grown adults playing children by the time season 5 comes out. Also, I’m just begging on my knees for queer characters and relationships in the forefront. Robin is the only openly gay one (so far, we know that Will is canonically gay) and her relationship isn’t a main focus and she isn’t actively in any relationships yet.

favorite quote: “Harrington’s got her, don’t ya, big boy?” & “Do you wanna be normal? Do you wanna be just like everyone else? Being a freak is the best. I'm a freak.”

favorite character(s): steve harrington. eddie munson. robin. my beloveds

favorite episode: “Chapter Four: The Body” (Season 1, episode 4) had me genuinely freaked the fuck out. that’s what got me hooked on this show. 

favorite ship: steve x eddie, mike x will (but will deserves better)

6. Freaks and Geeks

It’s actually criminal that Freaks and Geeks was cancelled after one season. I think it is one of the most realistic depictions of high school I’ve ever seen. I felt seen in both Sam and Lindsay Weir. I related to Sam’s awkwardness and finding comfort in a few close friends, but I also related to Lindsay’s desire to fit in and try new things but not exactly finding the right friends. I loved the dynamic, the humor, the references, and the relationships. Overall, it is one of my favorite comfort shows. 

favorite quote: “I’ve seen God...he plays drums in Led Zeppelin.”

favorite character: Bill Haverchuck, you comedy genius 

favorite episode: “Chokin’ and Tokin’” (episode 13)

favorite ship: look, I would have loved if Lindsay actually liked Nick, because i thought they were really cute together. I don’t get why everyone’s obsessed with Daniel. James Franco is gross on so many levels. 

5. Criminal Minds

When I went to college, all of my classmates were studying forensic science because of this show. They all told me to watch it, because literally my whole class was obsessed with it. So I did what they said, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Wow, is this show fun. I haven’t even finished it because I don’t want it to end. This is one of the strongest casts of characters I’ve ever seen. I genuinely love and care about each character. If any of them died, I’d be heartbroken. The cases are compelling and thrilling to watch (well, not all of them, but most of them), and I love watching the BAU figure it out together and take care of each other. 

favorite quote: ‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you’ve really stopped to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

favorite character: obviously the Dr. Spencer Reid. but Penelope Garcia is a VERY close second. 

favorite episode: “Amplification” (season 4, episode 24)

favorite ship: reid x morgan (i present evidence A, your honor: “pretty boy”), morgan x garcia (i present evidence A, your honor: every episode of CM), garcia x every woman

4. The X-Files

I recently got into The X-Files because of my friend @midwestmothman and I will forever be in their debt. I haven’t even finished more than two seasons of this show and I’m in love with it. I don’t want to watch it too fast because then it’ll be over, and what do I do then? (I know they have this exact same dilemma.) Mulder and Scully are one of the foundations of so much of our current ship/fandom culture and it’s obvious why. I love the mystery & sci-fi of it all but we all know that it is the chemistry between the two leads that keep us invested even if the episodes aren’t as strong as usual. It’s one of those shows that I could turn on and watch all day. 

favorite quote: “Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and we’re the only two people who can save it.”

favorite character: I can’t pick. They’re both iconic.

favorite episode:  “Ice” (season 1, episode 8)

favorite ship: mulder x scully ofc

3. Seinfeld

ok, sorry (not sorry?) but Seinfeld is hilarious.

i absolutely love it. it is partly a nostaliga thing, but when i got old enough to actually give a damn about what i watch i decided i would watch it on my own instead of reruns on my grandfather’s television and i decided on my own that it is one of the most hilarious things i have ever seen.

i am a piece of each of these characters. they’re all complex characters with deep flaws but just as deep character and depth. they’re not meant to be praised; they know they are selfish people but the whole point of the show is that we can laugh at the terrible things that they say that we’re too afraid to joke about (as in like little rude things not hateful things).

this show is iconic. there are so many sayings, so many scenes, so many quotes that are iconic. Kramer--iconic. Seinfeld’s apartment--iconic. they’re all iconic.

obviously i do not care for the actual namesake of the show but every other character has an incredibly special place in my heart.

favorite quote: “You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I can’t really handle any more.”

favorite character: the man, the myth, the legend Cosmo Kramer

favorite episode: “the red dot” (season 3, episode 12) & “the voice” (season 9, episode 2)

2. Fleabag

Fleabag has a special place in my heart. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a genius and this show is a testament to that. I thought season one was a great examination of what it’s like to be a woman that feels like she’s being a woman wrong. That she wants to say things and feel things that she’s not supposed to. She also doesn’t know how to handle her grief or to handle love. Then season 2 is a full-blown love story (admitted by Fleabag herself) and I LOVE it. It is so tragic, it is so beautiful, it is so comforting. It is upsetting that Fleabag finally finds someone who gets her but they have a barrier that they can’t overcome. It is one of the most heartbreaking moments of TV for me recently. “I love you.” “It’ll pass.” ARE YOU JOKING. 

favorite quote: “I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, and who to love, and how to tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I’ve been getting it wrong.”

favorite character: fleabag, duh. but obviously the hot priest, too. 

favorite episode: series 2, episode 1

favorite ship: fleabag x the hot priest, it truly breaks my heart

1. Succession

Succession is one of the best meshes of comedy and drama that I’ve ever seen. Endlessly quote-able, at times nauseating, at times hysterical, at times the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. A story of cycles and power and prisons. A tragedy. Witnessing these ups and downs over the past few years have been one of my favorite television experiences. It was like a new Game of Thrones for me. In a similar vein I think both shows ended the way the story demands but weren’t very satisfying in nature. (Spoilers) No one will admit it but Tom being the successor is like Bran being the King at the end for me. I loved it, though. Every minute. (I was secretly rooting for Ken but we don’t need to talk about that.)

favorite quote: all of the best quotes are between Greg and Tom. Tom’s “Are we talking to each other on the deck of a majestic schooner? Is the salty brine stinging my weather-beaten face? No? Then why the fuck are you are wearing a pair of deck shoes man?" always gets a laugh and Greg’s “It’s not like they pre-poop them” response regarding the dog poop bags. Also of course “You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Gregs.”

favorite character: roman roy you weird fuck 

favorite episode: “This Is Not For Tears” (season 2, episode 10) - probably my favorite episode of television ever

favorite ship: tom x greg, ken x nate somehow?? like can we go back to the line “Man, I forgot how eager you were to get laid at a party”??? also ken x stewy -- once again going back to the line “You like pancakes and waffles and you kiss guys on molly”??? kendall roy & his relationships with men will forever remain one of life’s greatest mysteries

HONORABLE MENTIONS 

House

favorite quote: "It's one of the great tragedies of life — something always changes."

favorite character: Dr. James Wilson my BELOVED !!!!!!!!

favorite episode(s): tough because i love “three stories” (season 1, episode 21) but “wilson’s heart” (season 4, episode 16) absolutely destroyed me. 

favorite ship: wilson x house ofc 

The Great British Bake Off

favorite quote: James Acaster’s “Started making it, had a breakdown.”

favorite contestant: GBBO 2020′s winner PETER (noel’s not a contestant but he’s my favorite) are you kidding me he’s so cute

favorite season: 2020 season 

Full House

look, it’s peak nostalgia. I’ve been getting back into it lately. 

favorite quote: Stephanie’s “How rude!” and Michelle’s “You’ve got it, dude!”

favorite character: Uncle Jesse. He’s easy on the eyes.

favorite episode(s): “Secret Admirer,” (season 4, episode 5) & “Silence is Not Golden” (season 6, episode 17)

favorite ship: danny x joey x jesse. don’t act like you don’t see it, too!!

Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones used to be my favorite show of all time. It was one of the only shows that kept me in anticipation every week for the next episode. It takes a lot for a TV show to do that. And I loved every minute of this show, even the last season and its ridiculousness. I’ve always felt this, but I feel like that now that we’re a few years out from the finale I think maybe if some people looked back on the last season they wouldn’t think it’s so bad. I thought the ending made sense. It was disappointing, but it made sense. I’m more upset about the character arcs reverting, ending in disappointing ways, or progressing too fast (I’m looking at you, Daenerys.) However, even when it was bad, it was still good. Just not good enough to break my top 10. Close though! That’s why I’m giving it a little speech. 

favorite quote: “Our fathers were evil men. All of us here. They left the world worse than they found it. We're not going to do that. We're going to leave the world better than we found it.” (Oh, Daenerys. You had such potential.)

favorite character: jon fucking snow 

favorite episode: “The Winds of Winter” (Season 6, episode 10)

favorite ship: jaime x brienne (we almost had it all), jon x ygritte 

Thanks for reading. What are your top ten favorite television shows?

[talesofarcadiaforever]

22 >:)

22. Popular character you hate?

HISIRDOUX CASPERAN.

Warning: some very anti Douxie stuff ahead. If you even like him you shouldn’t read this.

For one thing, they made this stupid boy with an accent the protagonist of Wizards, when it would have made far more sense to have Merlin, an already major character, the protagonist. It would have also been more interesting imo but I’m kind of biased.

He was also supposed to be the deurotagonist, but that’s more of an informed thing than anything. YOU were surprised when you looked it up on the ToA wiki.

Douxie seemed to be this ordinary guy, then Wizards came out, and canon was saying he could banish Morgana and fanon was saying he could level cities or even end the world

TRAUMA IS NOT A COMPARISON AND THAT BASTARD DOESN’T HAVE ANY TRAUMA SO THEY HAD TO KILL MERLIN

Seriously this pisses me off so much

Merlin and Jim are just two of the other characters right there and then they’re like “Nope! Let’s choose the non-traumatized one!”

which I will rant about in another post.

Yeah, almost everyone in this server keeps acting like he’s the only main character in all the shows

They keep doing all these aus centered around him

Demigod!Douxie au, wings!Douxie au, troll dads!au, and toddler!Douxie au, to name a few

Not to mention, there’s so much fanon stuff that they have about him that isn’t in character “Douxie’s so powerful, he could end the world!,”and “He’s nine hundred years old, he’s seen so much shit!” “He was in the World Wars!” And when other characters appear, which is hardly ever, they’re just satellite characters.

And if other characters are talked about, they’re mischaracterized so much!

You and I have seen the problem with Merlin and Jim mainly.

Jim keeps acting like a little kid, when canonically he’s quite mature for his age. He’s also not willing to kill when canonically I don’t even need to elaborate.

mischaracterize characters to give him traumas

Especially Merlin.

I have something to say, and I know my opinion will be controversial.

Douxie keeps getting Merlin and Jim’s traits: archery, badass warrior, snark, etc. and it’s annoying because that isn’t how he is at all. It makes me feel like Merlin and Jim aren’t good enough characters; they only have good traits, so their traits are given to another character who’s “better than them.”

I don’t like Douxie. I’m sick of him, to be honest. I know he’s a fan favorite. For many people, he’s their favorite ToA character. But he’s so overrated. Everybody, all the time, is like “Douxie! Douxie! Douxie!” There’s so much content of him, all of it portraying him as the coolest, best character ever.

Snark, physical fighting prowess, archery, willingness to kill, etc.

Traits that are Merlin’s and Jim’s are given to Douxie, when he isn’t like that at all. Merlin and Jim are their own characters. Giving Douxie their traits is doing them injustice. It also makes me feel as though they aren’t good enough characters; they only have good traits, so they’re given to Douxie because he’s “better than them.” Giving him their traits to “make him better,” especially when that isn’t how he is at all, is so annoying. By the end of it, he’s an OC with his name.

I’ve seen people talk about how weak Merlin is when he’s supposed to be the most powerful wizard of all time. It isn’t his fault, though; it’s canon’s. Compare Trollhunters!Merlin to Wizards!Merlin. In Trollhunters, he built the Amulet himself, except for moppet!Douxie handing him the pieces of the Amulet. And I don’t see why he couldn’t have just used his telekinesis for that. In Wizards, he needed “two master wizards to complete the Amulet!” And it looked like Douxie did most of the work. Why was there even a montage of the Amulet being built anyway? The Amulet was completely built; Merlin just needed something to seal it together. In Trollhunters, he banished Morgana. It was a big part of the plot near the end of Season Three. He thought his magic was gone because of that. There’s **official art** of him banishing her. In Wizards, Douxie banishes Morgana.

I want to see other characters be talked about and appreciated. There are so many interesting, complex characters in ToA, only to be cast aside in favor of Douxie. If they are talked about, it’s regarding their relationship with Douxie.

One of the things up there 👆 says “back when Douxie was allowed to be a child”

He was literally acting like a child at nineteen 💀

Just remembered how the fandom says *DoUxIe* must have great coping mechanisms to not show any trauma and now I’m annoyed

He *ucks as a character. I'm literally sick of him. He has poor writing, and the fandom worshipping him while overlooking all the other actually interesting, complex, characters in favor of him, or just making them satellite characters that revolve around him, cough Merlin cough really doesn't help.

Canon flip-flops on his power level, skill, and experience, and he's such a Gary Stu. Wizards Episode One has him struggling to chase down *one* Shadow Mephit, then in Episode Seven has him be the banisher of Morgana, and Episode Ten has him winning in a one on two fight against the Arcane Order. Not Merlin, who literally says himself that he banished Morgana in EPISODE ONE. And it's implied that he was the one who banished The Order's Titans; they're even in his Tomb! So basically, the writers make Merlin look like shit compared to him so he can be better, even though Merlin is the millenia old warrior wizard! He's also a great teacher to Claire, taking her on his apprentice, even though he said he was never gifted in shadowmancy and that he wasn't even a good student.

It’s been going on since Wizards came out and slowly getting worse and now he’s all anyone ever talks about; combined with the fandom still disliking Merlin at the least they tend to ignore my posts about him.

Like. God. They tried way too hard to make a quirky little dork and the result? He acts like a CHILD at NINETEEN YEARS OLD

It’s literally the same guy and how the hell do so many people love him?

So yeah I’m pissed!

Thanks for the ask!

[lairn]

Book 7/24: Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie Rating: 3.25/5

And with that, I have officially finished The First Law trilogy!

I’ve never read a book series quite like this before. Typically, the first book stands alone and the middle books have self-contained narratives with some unresolved plot elements. Abercrombie fully committed to telling one story spanning three books. In some ways, this concept is successful. I felt compelled to finish the whole series because I wanted the full picture, including payoff for plot elements set up very early in the series. However, by the third book, that early setup is also a weakness. By laying groundwork for events in the third book in earlier installments and then occasionally reminding the reader about them Abercrombie gives the reader a lot of time to figure things out. Some developments are anticipated long in advance and the actual reveal falls a little flat. Tolomei comes to mind. Not everything needs to be a twist, but when the reader has the general shape of a mystery’s solution in mind hundreds of pages before, the answer has to provide something a little unexpected.

I think the waiting also tried my patience at times since the books are all 500+ pages, and occasionally it feels like Abercrombie is stalling so that he can time his climaxes correctly. There are chapters where the characters are like animals pacing their cages, making no forward progress in plot or personal development. However, I have mentioned in another series that war stories are not my favorite, so I may have been more impatient than the average reader during this last installment.

I dragged my feet through the Gurkish conflict, but once that was resolved the book’s wrap up went by quickly enough. Overall, I enjoyed the earlier portions of the book and the last hundred pages. I complained about characters being used to fill pages for timing purposes, but I still enjoyed reading where each one ended up and the changes or stagnation they underwent. Logen’s looped story, Glokta finally answering his “Why do I do this?,“ and Jezal confirming that yes, his spine is a non-Newtonian fluid were all fitting and satisfying conclusions. Some things still fell by the wayside, making me wonder if they will crop up in other books. Ferro just kind of leaves and the Shanka concern is all but forgotten. But Ardee finally got to stop pacing that cage and have a change in her life, which I’m happy about. I’m not totally clear on the nature of the Bloody Nine even now. I might write a separate post about it.

Anyways, I think this series is flawed but interesting and I’m not sorry I read it. I would actually like to read more of Abecrombie’s work, because although he did not fully deliver, there’s something about his writing that speaks to a capacity to tell a really good story. I’m going to take a break from his writing, but if anybody has suggestions for what book of his to read next, let me know!

[freneticphoneticfanatic]

Yesterday, a customer I’ve helped once before came in to get some paint. She’s a large woman in her sixties, with short-cropped white hair, glasses, and men’s clothes. My favorite kind of customer. She asked for three different shades of gray. As I helped her work out exactly what kind of paint she wanted, she told me more about her project: she and her wife are repainting.

We chatted some more while I mixed her paint. It seemed like she was trying to gauge whether or not I remembered her. Last time, I wrote “I like your hair :)” on a sticker and stuck it on the bottom of her paint bucket. I was too shy to say it out loud.

She told me she drives for a living, hundreds of miles a day. I said I hope she has a good playlist. She laughed and asked if I’d heard of an artist called LP. (That’s the hip older gay person’s equivalent of asking if someone listens to girl in red.) When I said yes, her eyes almost bugged out of her head. I told her I’ve spent a great deal of time and energy researching lesbian musicians. She said Melissa Etheridge was the only lesbian musician she knew of when she came out.

We bonded over a couple different things. We both had family and peers react poorly to our coming out. She plays a six-string and used to perform at gay bars. I play the drums and recorded an album with my ex-girlfriend-slash-best-friend. That’s another thing we bonded over; she told me her ex was over at her house cooking dinner with her wife! If we were dogs, our tails would have been wagging.

I gave her my phone number. I don’t have many interactions with other lesbians who are authentic and kind. Working in a home improvement store, I get plenty of lesbian customers, but she was the first to try to connect with me. It was all organic, too. She told me I seem like an “intuitive young person” and that making intergenerational connections is “what it’s all about.” Bam. Just like that.

The main reason I’m sharing this is because literally anyone can do it. Real connection is worth risking rejection. If it’s lesbians you seek, we truly are everywhere. I don’t live in a huge or especially liberal city. I read women’s laments about how there are no lesbians where they live, and I would argue nine times out of ten that’s just not true. You don’t have to be confident and smooth. You don’t have to put up a front and stress about impressing. You only have to put yourself out there, just as you are, and see who sticks.

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina , I've been reading fic for a year now, I love it so much, it's become one of my favorite things, I had a question ,You think that over time I will not be interested in doing this anymore? Does it get boring after a while?

I am asking you because I know that you have been reading fic for years and you probably know better what I mean.

Hi sugar. I’ve been reading fic for nine years. 99% of what I’ve read is Larry. I’ve read hundreds and hundreds of fic. I’m not in the least bit bored.

The only thing that I’ve found that happens is that over time it gets more difficult to find fics that feel original. I mean, I will read 500 fake relationship fics, but I want them to each feel unique and that’s tough to do when you’re reading about the same two people 500 times. Right?

I’ve also noticed because we’re talking about RPF, I now have a tougher time reading something where the guys are in uni or high school because they’re both so much older irl and I’m more drawn to fic where they’re adults dealing with adult life stuff.

I can’t say I’ve gotten bored at all. But if you’re able to read in other fandoms, you have an even wider variety to choose from!!

[ejzah]

Internet Oversharing

Thanks for tagging me @chicgeekgirl89!

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

Possibly a great aunt, but it’s never been confirmed.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

I think a random Instagram video?

THREE: Do you have kids?

Not unless you count the few hundred students I’ve worked with and the twins I’ve manifested for Densi.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes. But I also am quite self-conscious, which makes an odd mix.

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you played?

I played three years of softball (terribly and way too old) and now I’m trying to run. I’m not very good at the either.

SIX: What’s the first thing you notice about people?

It really depends. I think hair a lot of times. I’m socially anxious, so I tend to be very unobservant in those moments, which is unfortunate when I later need to remember things like their name.

SEVEN: What’s your eye color?

Blue

EIGHT: Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings.

NINE: Any special talents?

Moderately proficient piano playing, remembering random embarrassing moments but forgetting important details, I’d like to say baking but I’m not that great, sneaking into a room and not being noticed for quite some time, making nearly everyone feel tall.

TEN: Where were you born?

Northwest Indiana.

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, baking, making the simplest of tasks last three months.

TWELVE: How tall are you?

57 inches tall.

THIRTEEN: Do you have any pets?

Not at the moment. Through my lifetime my family has had a cockatiel and a cat and I had a series of betas (several of which met tragic ends). I’d like to get a beta again sometime. They’re just the right level of commitment and activity for me.

FOURTEEN: Favorite subject in school?

Definitely not math. Sometimes Language Arts or Science, but not when it was physics. I don’t know if I can count piano lessons since they were technically private lessons from my dad.

FIFTEEN: Dream job?

I suppose author, baker, or professional musician, but I feel like it’s more of fantasy job because I know I’ll never have the necessary skill and ability. Besides, now I get to play with kids all day (🙄).

Tagging @mashmaiden, @psyched1328, @agentblyeanddeeks.

[hesitantadrien]

Piece 3 of 3 for @trans-ylvania 's Zine "Our Lady of Sorrows" [link]

"Sorrows"

Description, statement, and plain text under the cut!

This is an alternate version than the one that made it into the zine, but the piece remains essentially the same: The poem is the same, but in my own handwriting and slightly easier to read. The photograph in the background is the same one in the zine, the same one that I took in February of 2010 when I was 17, still in highschool, taken through my bedroom window, taken at a time when I didn't think I'd make it to 18, let alone 29.

It's very personal and honest, and one of the longest poems I have written to date. I sought to satisfy the prompt, the concept of the zine: "How has Gerard Way impacted your queer identity?"

I have struggled, and continue to struggle, with my identity, my queerness, my transness, with my otherness; I have struggled through trauma and mental illness all my life, and I don't exaggerate when I say that MCR has saved my life too, like so many others, and enriched my existence and inspired me creatively to no end. The 2022 tour was a healing event for so many, myself included-- and I can only hope the band feels the same, or at least understands the good they have done, the lives they have touched, and continue to do, continue to touch, with thier art, with thier survival.

MCR has been my favorite band since 2004, since I was 11 years old, since my dad gave me two shitty burned cd's with Revenge and Bullets on them because I wouldn't stop asking him to play I'm Not Okay in the car. The tracks weren't even in order. I listen to demo lovers on repeat on the way to summer camp in 2006. I get a notification on my phone at work in 2022 that there's a new song. Everything is the same, everything is new, and it goes on and on forever in your heart. <3

Plain text:

Sorrows                                   

My hair is getting longer again.

My partner says they like it and I laugh-- 

And I ask them if they want me to be their bargain-bin Gerard Way.

I only half mean it, flattering myself with such a ridiculous notion.

Discounted. Printed off-center. Poorly stitched.

Only ninety-nine cents!

It’s silly, it’s nonsense.

My hair is getting longer again and it makes me feel strange, you know?

Because part of me thinks I should cut it,

To make up for how feminine I look, and speak, and act,

For the part of me that worries I’ll never pass, or that thinks I should. 

For the part of me that has always blamed myself for how other people have treated me.

But part of me likes the way my hair looks too, 

Dyed black too many times to count and in my face,

Awkward around my ears and just starting to curl. 

So I let it go another week,

For the part of me that just wants to see how it looks if I let it grow a little more.

But I’m nervous when I put on eyeliner in the bathroom mirror.

Unsure about myself. 

Insecure.

I think about that quote every time,

About how it felt dangerous,

Putting on eyeliner in truck-stop bathrooms and dressing like cupcakes.

But I think it’s different for me.

Everyone else just sees a girl wearing eyeliner, don’t they? 

How could they not?

And it's not dangerous, not in the same way.

It’s not brave.

It’s not rebellious or artistic,

There’s nothing redeeming about being this pathetic, this exposed,

About caving in on myself over the disconnect between 

How I want to look,

What I want people to see,

And the thing that lives in my bathroom mirror.

Somehow it still feels like everything I do is wrong, you know?

Like I'm wrong.

Like I’m not good enough.

Like I’m up for interpretation, at best.

Like I don't deserve to have a say in who I get to be.

Like I’ll always be thirteen, weird and scared and lonely.

Like I’m already a hundred, and I’ve wasted my entire life.

Like I’ll spend eternity here, in a hell that isn’t real.

Like I need to make it up to everyone around me,

For not being what they wanted, for being alive, for being me, 

For everything.

But it’s just hair, it’s just eyeliner.

And maybe sometimes I do feel like some kind of bargain-bin Gerard Way,

Like I am a ridiculous notion, like my existence is a novelty.

Discounted and printed off-center and poorly stitched.

Am I worth it? What would you pay?

I know what I look like. I know what I am.

Troubled and seeing ghosts. Unwell and haunted-looking.

Sick, but not yet better. Someday I’ll get better. 

It’s silly, it’s nonsense. 

I write bad poetry and draw silly little pictures,

And for a few months in the year two-thousand and twenty-two,

I watch my favorite band go on tour, back together again, back from the dead.

I watch my favorite singer get up on stage each night, 

Sixteen years older than me,

More full of life than I have ever dared to be.

Wearing dresses and cat ears and dirty clothes,

Smiling so genuinely,

Speaking so softly, 

And singing songs that I've listened to thousands of times,

That feel new again, different,

After everything that's happened.

I watch my favorite singer get up on stage each night,

And it feels something like wish fulfillment, 

Or maybe even healing,

Like something I never thought would happen,

That I wouldn't live to see.

And at some point I start to feel

A little less afraid of how I look, 

A little less afraid of what other people think,

Of growing older, of being too weird, of living.

And I’m a little less afraid of the future, 

Because I see it in you,

Alive and happy,

After everything that’s happened.

[agentblyeanddeeks]

Internet Oversharing

Thanks for tagging me @ejzah

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

My maternal grandma

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

Last night out of frustration for the lack of parenting my nephews parents do

THREE: Do you have kids?

I claim my nephew due to the amount of parenting I do

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Obviously :p

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you played?

I played on an adult kickball league 10 years ago. We sucked

SIX: What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes

SEVEN: What’s your eye color?

Brown

EIGHT: Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings

Internet Oversharing

Thanks for tagging me @chicgeekgirl89!

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

Possibly a great aunt, but it’s never been confirmed.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

I think a random Instagram video?

THREE: Do you have kids?

Not unless you count the few hundred students I’ve worked with and the twins I’ve manifested for Densi.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes. But I also am quite self-conscious, which makes an odd mix.

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you played?

I played three years of softball (terribly and way too old) and now I’m trying to run. I’m not very good at the either.

SIX: What’s the first thing you notice about people?

It really depends. I think hair a lot of times. I’m socially anxious, so I tend to be very unobservant in those moments, which is unfortunate when I later need to remember things like their name.

SEVEN: What’s your eye color?

Blue

EIGHT: Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings.

NINE: Any special talents?

Double jointed fingers and one toe. Can bend my tongue to a three leaf clover.

TEN: Where were you born?

East Central Illinois

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Rewatching my favorite shows more times than I can count and quilting when I have the motivation

TWELVE: How tall are you?

55.5 inches

THIRTEEN: Do you have any pets?

Two cats Sandy and Marzipan

FOURTEEN: Favorite subject in school?

Math

FIFTEEN: Dream job?

Running a restaurant though I hate cooking

Tagging @endlessfighter @mmphoto1987