#not sure whether to feel accomplished or not as mostly my philosophy has been

[talkorsomething]

...well, i now officially know i've lost weight.

Like... a lot? a lot more than i had thought?

Which is. Odd because honestly pretty much everything still feels like it fits about the same...

I guess it explains why i've been more cold?!

+ also i dont know Why it's so much... if i start eating like a normal human being again i don't... really *want* to go over where i started? :/ i guess i'd maybe be fine w/ being about the same because i know it won't be That big of a difference. Or i don't think it will anyways? Hm...

[soul-dwelling]

Not to spoile the final MHA chapter, but it actually does makw me apreciate the ending of SE's manga lol

(I still have another question I have been slow at answering about My Hero Academia, and I will get to answering it soon--and now that the manga is reaching its final chapter Sunday, I will post that answer after the final chapter is released.)

I did read the spoilers online.

I do not like this ending, but as I say below, it is an ending that does match the overall philosophy this manga has had since Chapter 1. And even as I dislike this ending, I do appreciate and even like or love some of the details, whether stuff from the earliest chapters that get payoff, long-term setup-and-payoff by Horikoshi (that one scene right before the PLF War finally gets payoff in this chapter), parallels between the very first chapter and this final chapter.

But I don't like how abrupt and fast certain details are. I can appreciate the final chapter showing the actual work done to make the world a better place; I despise how the final chapter skips over significant steps in the work to be done to make the world a better place to just show, "And the characters managed to succeed at their goals!" No--I am here to see the struggle to make that better world, I don't want to just skip to, "And now things are better!" I know this is a bizarre comparison, but even Wakko's Wish made sure to hold your hand and take you through how things got better for the characters. This ending is just, "And now so-and-so is super famous!" No--show me how they got to be famous, show me how they made that accomplishment, created that program, improved the world--don't tell me, give me that story.

I'm not sure how I feel about Izuku's ending. It answers a long-term problem that has been there since Chapter 1, and I don't think this solution actually addresses the underlying problem that has been there since Chapter 1, especially as it replaces one form of inequality with another.

I don't like the refusal to acknowledge the work certain characters did, how their contributions are overshadowed, that we don't get to see how certain characters got to be so well loved and famous--again, show us the work done, don't just skip to, "And now things are better!" I don't appreciate how undervalued Izuku seems.

And a lot of my disappointment with this ending and this manga overall is just my own fault: I have had a decade to get to work with a friend on My Hero Academia fics and headcanon that it is difficult for me to accept this ending when my own headcanon is what I prefer. (Don't even get me started on how much I prefer the ships my friend and I have compared to the lackluster ships this manga and its final chapter go with or imply or just edge close to then whiff and don't commit to.) This chapter is going to please a lot of people; it's not going to please other people.

Also, the confirmed deaths leave a sour taste in my mouth. Like where Izuku ends up, that fits what is Horikoshi's philosophy, but, first, I am disliking his philosophy more and more, and second, that doesn't change that the logic ("This character totally can survive this fatal injury, but this character doesn't") fails at being believable, whether in terms of worldbuilding or philosophical meaning. As a certain someone on Tumblr has done a really good job pointing out, the choices to kill off certain characters undermines a lot of the messaging, and it doesn't help that it produces "bury your gays," "lost Lenore," "stuffed in the fridge" tropes that use the deaths of LGBTQ+ and girl and women characters to further the character progression of mostly cishet or cishet-coded or boy or men characters.

I also don't like which deaths are confirmed or strongly hinted at, with zero closure for certain characters and a refusal to permit page space to emphasize, "This character is dead, this is the last pin we are putting on who they were, what they meant to these characters." The same goes for how this manga ignored what Midnight's death meant to Aizawa and Mic, but if I start talking about that, then I'd have to talk about MHA Vigilantes as well and how that series had a far worse ending than My Hero Academia, and this post is already long enough.

All of that being said: this ending is better than that of Soul Eater. (It doesn't help that both Soul Eater and MHA ended their manga run right around my birthday, so, yay, another disappointing manga ending to celebrate another revolution around the sun--FML.) And it's a hell of a way better than Fire Force. Soul Eater ended with the worst jokes because Ohkubo cannot commit to a serious moment without undercutting it with the worst kind of joke: it's not even that he allows some needed levity with a joke that is appropriate for the situation and actually helps reinforce the point he was making, he literally went from, "My friend has had a life of trauma and now remains with that trauma for eternity to protect others," to, "LOL boobs and groping girls." Fire Force shat all over the meaning of Soul Eater, undermining the point of the latter and screwing over the potential message of the former. But My Hero Academia at least ended with a reinforcement of some of its key principles: a hero can appear where you don't expect it, don't judge a book by its cover, teamwork is needed rather than only individualism, discrimination sucks and should be shunned and shamed, and the world is not fair but that doesn't mean we can afford to not make it more fair and equitable so don't give up, improvise to do what you can to help others, and keep moving forward.

...Also, I really do not like the designs on the last page. My complaint here is similar to how I complain about the designs of Bungo Stray Dogs when showing a change in ages for characters: the designs on the last pages of My Hero Academia just look off-model, not like the characters are older. I have a major hang-up about that detail, and I'll talk about it after Sunday, but I really do not like when illustrators don't know how to draw their own characters.

(Sidebar: This is not only about Horikoshi: I'm also glaring at Ohkubo and those new art museums pieces of the Soul Eater characters. If those are supposed to be older Maka et al, then I don't know what is wrong with Ohkubo's stylistic preferences because he just refuses to make anything look consistent. I know Ohkubo's art style has changed a lot over the years--but pick a style and stick with it: between the manga and the anime and now these new art pieces, Maka has had at least eight [insert Death the Kid reference] designs--early manga, the first anime, the Baba Yaga Arc, the final arc, the NOT manga, the NOT anime, the Fire Force-era Twitter art, and now these museum pieces. And none of them look enough alike to work as a progression in his art style.)

Also, Mineta never paid for his crimes--horrible ending to this manga.

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: Almost 40.

I’ve never been one for posting particularly introspective blog entries publicly. It’s not that I don’t contemplate things, or even write about them, but for the most part those meandering musings are confined only to my phone’s notes app- my most used app behind Facebook. And on those rare occasions that I *do* publicly blog about them I usually keep it on a relatively superficial level as I don’t necessarily like opening up my mind (and insecurities) to strangers.

But I’m turning 40 in less than a month and I think this is the catalyst that’s prompted a lot more thought about things than I’d ordinarily give them. I’d always considered 40 old but, as I approach it, I don’t *feel* old. And my family and friends would be rather quick to point out I don’t act it either. I always thought by 40 I would be much further along in life than I am. That I’d have a good job, a nice husband, a nice house, kids, that whole suburban dream. But... I haven’t.

And I started thinking if I’m a ball of mixed emotions about turning 40 maybe there’s other women- and men for that matter- who are feeling the exact same way so perhaps if I’m to break my self imposed cocoon of privacy around my innermost thoughts now might be the perfect time to give it a shot. So, with that being said, here goes nothing...

Here’s the thing: I remember my Mum’s 40th. I had just turned 10. I was sitting outside with my cousins, all of similar ages, and we were making fun of what we considered to be the appalling music taste our respective parents had. I even remember the leather pants Mum was wearing. She claims to have forgotten them but I think she’s faking that despite her bad memory. It didn’t even occur to me for a millisecond that my 40th wouldn’t be spent in a similar fashion. I just assumed life would follow the same path most women’s lives had followed for generations (with one caveat- I was planning to be the first one to go to uni): I’d find a job, I’d find a husband, we’d buy a house with a white picket fence, and we’d have 2.5 kids and a dog. And that all of that would be well and truly achieved by the time I turned 40. Just like it had been for my mum, and her mum before her, and hers before her. It was just the way things went, you know?

And then life happened. There’s a line in “Beautiful Boy” one of the John Lennon songs that I love that says “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” and it couldn’t be any truer in the 21st century than It was when it was written in 1980. (It’s a cruel twist of fate that it was written not long before he died and released after his death.)

For me “life” was all about my health, or lack thereof. I’ve mentioned the back issues before and the many hospital visits, and the 70 plus back ops. In essence this put things on hold: work, getting a home of my own, finding a guy (hard when you are always in and out of hospital and have problems losing weight) and having kids. So as I approach 40 without those things I’m not necessarily looking forward to it the way many do. (Plus if I get one “over the hill” card the person giving it to me shall be in a body bag.)

One thing I noticed when researching this blog post was Google searches about turning 40 seemed to concentrate on two things: what your health would be like post 40 and life as a Mum. Well what about those of us who are single and childless? Are we invisible? This didn’t particularly help with my mixed emotions about this supposed great milestone.

And it seems I’m not alone. Dr. Nancy Oreilly wrote about women’s aging anxiety that regardless of how you feel towards turning 40 you’ll still do what everyone does at this juncture and take stock of your life thus far. Things like “what have you done with your life? Are you the person you intended to be and are you living the life you want?” (1.)

In Lisa Bono’s interview with author Glynnis MacNicol about her book “No one tells you this” for the Sydney Morning Herald about life as a single 40 year old woman MacNicol admits she approached her 40th with “so much dread and shame" because she didn't have what she was "supposed" to have - a husband and a kid or two.... (because) we don't understand how to talk about women's lives as fulfilling unless we incorporate babies or weddings.” (2.)

Meredith Goldberg, in her article about age being just a number posed the question that if indeed age was just a number why was she feeling so apprehensive? Was it because she felt “like (she) had not accomplished enough in (her) 40 years on earth?” (3.) After all she hadn’t gotten married, hadn’t had kids, didn’t have another advanced degree.

Interestingly studies over the last decade or so have shown that the start of middle age (which, much to my chagrin given my belief I’m still like a much younger woman, is considered to be 40) often correlates with the time when people are the least happy, have the lowest levels of life satisfaction and highest levels of anxiety. A study at the University of Warwick and Dartmouth College attributed this to the facts that at this stage “adults are often faced with the pressures of raising children and looking after aging parents while simultaneously dealing with mounting financial and career pressures.“ (4)

Is it all too late for me- and other women turning 40 without a child- though? This is one of the most common thoughts going round and round in my head as I approach 40. I mean we all know about the whole ticking biological clock right? Even when I was doing my first postrgrad degree at 24, working part time, still single, still living at home, I still thought well there’s plenty of time. At 28 when I was finishing with postgrad, working full time but still single I *still* thought well there’s still a fair bit of time. At 33 it changed to well I guess there’s still time if I get a bit of a hurry on now. And now, at 39, single and childless, I think well maybe it’s too late now.

In her article about turning 40 whilst single and childless Bethany Jenkins wrote that it’s not only common but practically universal for a woman to expect and long for children, “to bring new life into the world; to put her hand on her belly as her baby grows; to wonder whether the newborn will have her or her beloved’s eyes; to hear “mom” not as a word uttered by her own voice to her own mother but as a call from her child’s voice for her.” (5) MacNicol in her book echoes that saying “as women, we’re taught to expect our stories to turn to marriage and children at a certain point in time (namely, before 40.)” (6)

Robin Deutsch, a psychologist and associate professor at William James College in Newton also points out that women reaching 40 tend to be more confident, have more wisdom and make better choices. (4) (Does she even know me?) But when you really think about it the whole “life begins at 40” theory has some merit. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was almost 50. Vera Wang didn’t start her fashion career until 40.

The fact that these women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

So does this mean that the formula that my mum and all my ancestors followed, that unsaid life plan of when to get married, buy a home and have kids, is a thing of the past? We know women have children later these days. In fact the median age for a first kid these days is 30.6 as per the ABS reports

From the 1950s to mid 1970s, the fertility rates of women aged 20–24 and 25–29 were patently higher than that of all other age groups. Since then, the fertility rates for women in their 20s have been steadily declining whilst rates of those aged in their 30s have mostly increased since the early 1980s. Since 2000, the fertility rate of women in their early 30s has been higher than all other groups. It’s not just that women are having babies later but also the birth rate has declined. In 1950 the birth rate was 23.124. Its predicted 2020 will be at 12.561. (ABS yearly reports.)

We know women have children later these days, preferring to be settled and to have done the things they thought they’d not be able to do after before becoming a parent. Compared to our mothers, our grandmothers and so on we have more choices and not every woman’s first goal in life is having a child. (8)

The differences between say baby boomers and millennials are striking. It’s not just the fact that they settle down later but there are also other factors that mean by the time we turn 40 we may not have all the things our ancestors have but there are other priorities we have. For instance more women go to university now than they did when my Mum was turning 40. And after spending the time, work and money to get a degree it’s only natural that it follows that they want to get more out of their careers. Whilst baby boomers are more driven by loyalty, often staying at the same company for years, millennials are more interested in achieving more, whether that’s at the same company or not. (9) My father, for example, worked for the same company his entire life. He could have gone to many others with the knowledge he’d accumulated but he liked his job and he was happy there so it didn’t even really occur to him in more than a passing thought.

Then you look at things like buying a home. It’s ironic given that pay has increased that millennials are putting home ownership off longer than previous generations. Whilst people of my parents generation were content with a “starter home” these days more and more first home buyers want a bigger home, with bigger and better appliances, closer to the city than the suburbs etc. Research has found that rather than jump straight into a mortgage millennials look at travel, and spending their pay on things like Ubers and Lyfts, coffee, gadgets, clothes, and live entertainment and sports. (9)

Marriage is also something we do later. Consider the fact that whilst almost “50% of baby boomers were married between the ages of 18 to 32... a mere 26% of millennials are married in the same age range.” (9)

The fact that so many other women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. In the next 12 months I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

In an article published on mindbodygreen.com the writer spoke about how well-meaning friends had been asking her did she not want to have kids, did she not want to get married, etc, and she was quick to say that this can actually be the “most celebrated time of your life (and to) consider yourself blessed and enjoy the freedom.” (10) She listed some of the things to celebrate about turning 40 whilst single and childless. Like me travel was up there on her list as was the time to Perdue your passions. She also mentioned “(the) opportunity to nurture your friendships and relationships with family...(and that) the dating pool is large in your 40’s (given) a large majority of our population is divorced... there are so many

social media dating sites and social events in every major city... (and) you know what you're looking for.” (10)

So maybe instead of worrying about why I’m not where I wanted to be turning 40, worrying that it’s too late, worrying that my friends are further along than I am, I should be embracing it. The future is mine. I’ve just got to find a way to embrace it.

Fatgirl.

Sources:

1.) https://www.drnancyoreilly.com/40-2/

2.) https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/no-one-tells-you-life-as-a-40-year-old-single-woman-can-be-like-this-20180717-p4zs16.html

3.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1140197/anxious-about-turning-40/amp/

4.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/06/01/seriously-now-what-traumatic-about-turning/UVnbdmxVvLSzwoB8Yo4wGP/story.html%3foutputType=amp

5.) https://ifstudies.org/blog/reflections-on-turning-40-while-single-and-childless

6.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/single-at-40-glynnis-macnicol-interview/amp/

7.) https://aifs.gov.au/facts-and-figures/births-in-australia

8.) https://www.mamamia.com.au/average-age-to-have-kids/

9.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/difference-millennials-baby-boomers-2019-4%3famp

10.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/so-im-single-40-and-childless-now-what--10631

[trumanjo]

Alan Alda’s Commencement Speech 1980

[I Found this in an old Reader’s Digest magazine and was so moved I had  to share it. It’s an article I think everyone needs to read at least one point in their life. The article in the magazine is condensed, but I have found the full written speech online which I will link a the end for anyone who wants to read the full speech.]  

“THE BEST THINGS SAID come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart.

We are all gathered at a doorway today. We linger there with our hand on the knob chattering away like Polonius to Laertes. Now remember. Neither a borrower nor a lender be... and don’t forget, This is above all: To thine own self be true...

But the very best things said often slip out completely unheralded, preceded by, “Oh, by the way,” In real life, when Polonius had finished giving all that fatherly advice to his son--who probably wasn’t paying much attention anyway--he must have said, “Oh, by the way, if you get into any trouble, don’t forget you can always call me at the office.”

As we stand in the doorway today, these are my parting words to my daughter. There are so many things I want to tell you, Eve.

The first thing is: don’t be scared. You’re being flung into a world that’s running about as smoothly as a car with square wheels. It’s okay to be uncertain. You’re an adult in a time when the leaders of the world are behaving like children.  Where the central image of the day is a terrorist one: humane concerns inhumanely expressed. And the only response to this is impotent fury. If you weren’t a little uncertain, I’d be nervous for you.

Adulthood has come upon you and you’re not all that sure you’re ready for it. I think that sometimes i’m not ready for adulthood either-yours or mine.

The day before yesterday you were a baby. I was afraid to hold you because you seemed so fragile. Yesterday, all I could feel was helplessness when you broke your nine-year-old arm. Only this morning you were a teen-ager. As I get older, the only thing that speeds up is time. But if time is a thief, time also leaves something in exchange: experience. And with experience, at least in your own work you will be sure.

Love your work. If you always put your heart into everything you do, you can’t really lose. Whether you wind up making a lot of money or not, you will have a wonderful time, and no one will be able to take that away from you.

I want to squeeze things great and small into this lingering good-by. I want to tell you to keep laughing. You gurgle when you laugh. Be sure to gurgle three times a day for own well being. And if you can get other people to laughter, you may help keep this shaky boat afloat. When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing one another.

I have this helpless urge to pass on maxims to you, things that will see you through. But even the Golden Rule doesn’t seem adequate to pass on to a daughter. There should be something added to it. Here’s my Golden Rule for a tarnished age: Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they’re fair with you.

It’s a complex world. I hope you’ll learn to make distinctions. A peach is not its fuzz, a toad is not its warts, a person is not his or her crankiness. If you we can make distinctions, we can be tolerant, and we can get to the heart of our problems instead of wrestling endlessly with their gross exteriors.

Once you make a habit of making distinctions, you’ll begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your own windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in. If you challenge your own, you won’t be so quick to accept the unchallenged assumptions of others. You’ll be a lot less likely to be caught up in bias or prejudice, or be influenced by people who ask you to hand over your brains, your soul or money because they have everything all figured out for you.

Be as smart as you can, but remember that it’s always better to be wide than to be smart. And don’t be upset that it takes a long, long time to find wisdom. Like a rare virus, wisdom tends to break out at unexpected times, and it’s mostly people with compassion and understanding who are susceptible to it.

The door is inching a little closer toward the latch and I still haven’t said it. Let me dig a little deeper. Life is absurd and meaningless-unless you bring meaning to it, unless you make something of it, It is up to us to create out own existence.

No matter how loving or loved we are, it eventually occurs to most of us that deep down inside we’re all alone.  When the moment comes for you to wrestle with that cold loneliness, which is every person’s private monster, I want you to face the damn thing. I want you to see it for what it is and win.

When I was in college, 25 years ago, the philosophy of existentialism was very popular. We all talked about nothingness: but we moved into a world of effort and endeavor. Now no one much talks about nothingness: but the world itself is filled with it.

Whenever that sense of absurdity hits you, I want you to be ready. It will have a hard time getting hold of you if you’re already in motion. You can use the skills of your profession and other skills you have learned here, fig into the world and push it into better shape.

For one thing, you can try to clean the air and water, or you can try to make the justice system work, too. You can bring the day a little closer when the rich and privileged have to live by the standards as the poor and the outcast.

You can try to put an end to organized crime-that happy family whose main objective is to convince us the don’t exist while they destroy a generation with drugs and suck the life from the economy.

You can try to find out why people if every country and religion have at one time or another found it so easy to make other people suffer. ( If you really want to grapple with absurdity, try understanding how people can be capable of both nurture  and torture: can worry and fret over a little girl caught in a mine shaft, yet destroy a village and everyone in it with hardly the blink of an eye.) You can try to stop the next war now, before it starts, to keep old men from sending children away to die.

And while you’re doing all of that remember that every right you have as a woman was won for you by woman fighting hard, There are little girls being born right now who won’t even have the same rights you do unless you act to maintain and extend the range of equality. The nourishing stew of civilized life doesn’t keep bubbling on its own. Put something back in the pot for the people in line behind you.

There’s plenty to keep you busy for the rest of your life. I can’t promise this will ever completely reduce that sense of absurdity, but it may get it down to a manageable level. It will allow you once in a wile to bask in the feeling that, all in all, things do seem to be moving forward.

I can see you brow knitting in that way I love. Thar crinkle between your eyebrows that signals your doubt and your skepticism. Why-on a day of such excitement and hope-shouldn’t I be talking of absurdity and nothingness? Because I want you to focus that hope and level that excitement into coherent rays that will strike like a laser at the targets of out discontent.

I want you to be potent: to do good when you can, and to hold out with and intelligence like a shield against other people’s wantonness. And above all, to laugh and enjoy yourself in a life of your own choosing and in a world of you own making. I want you to be strong and aggressive and tough and resilient and full of feeling. i want you yo be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being.

I want you to have chutzpah. Nothing important was ever accomplished without chutzpah. Columbus had chutzpah. The signers of the Declaration of Independence had chutzpah. Laugh at yourself but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don’t leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.

Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else had ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition, You can’t get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you’re doing. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself.

Well, those are my parting words as today door closes softly between us. So long, be happy...

Oh, by the way, I love you.

Full 62nd Commencement Address

[icameheretowinry]

Ed for character ask, if you want! Have a nice day ❤️

If I want? If I want??? If I want?!?!?! OF COURSE I WANT TO. Ed ruined my life in the best possible way and I will ramble about him forever. LET’S. DO. THIS. 

How I feel about this character:

Obviously, you guys know that Edward Elric is not only my favorite character in the fma universe, but probably my favorite character in general. He’s excellently written, deeply representative of the nature of humanity, and endures beautifully subtle development over the course of his story. I’ve done several character analyses of Ed, but I tend to ramble. Here, I really want to take my time, and talk about specific aspects of his character I think are the most worthy of note. This might get l o n g, so grab some snacks and settle in. Let’s talk about the Fullmetal Alchemist!

One of most defining and well-written characteristics of Ed is his tragic backstory. The consequences of attempting to revive their mother follow Ed and Al years after it occurs, and forms one the main backbone of their story. While the immediate aftermath tends to define a large part of Ed’s personality in the beginning, what makes him so fascinating is that he eventually learns that using his personal tragedies as an excuse for his shortcomings with get him nowhere. Instead, he learns to use his suffering as a springboard to make sure no one else ever has to feel the way he and his brother did. The awful things that happen to Nina are a major setback, but instead of collapsing further in on himself, Ed, mostly thanks to Al, realizes that not only is it ok to start by trying to save himself, but with that effort, he can become stronger, and by extension, do more to help others. So, instead of using tragedy as an excuse for his weaknesses, Ed faces them to make himself stronger, and throughout his journey, use them as markers of his progress, or as checks to his humility. 

Ed is also incredibly well-written to reflect his age. Sure, your average twelve-year-old is not an alchemic prodigy serving in the military, but I’m talking about how Ed reacts to his circumstances as a boy who’s just trying to piece he and his brother’s lives back together. Ed can play up the adult facade as much as he wants, but Arakawa also wrote him to be what he is; a kid. In the early stages of his story, Ed reacts to many inconveniences with fits of frustration, triumphs with unabashed cockiness, and authority or criticism with an upturned nose. Most of these immature reactions lessen or die out as his story progresses, as it does when someone starts to grow up. I can say that after living with a younger brother at ages 12, 13, 14, etc., Arakawa did a spectacular job of not only capturing those years with deadly accuracy, but applying them to an extraordinary individual like Ed in a way that felt effortless. While on a quest that eventually would determine the fate of the world as they knew it, he also gets nervous over a crush, and deals with the ups and downs of teenage friendships. (I mean, 99.9% of people’s best friends in high school don’t give up control of their body to an immortal being but there’s a metaphor I’m getting at here.) 

Another super interesting aspect of Ed’s character is his guilt complex. For someone who so acts his age, he still takes on blame for many things that legitimately weren’t his fault. He blames himself for the loss of Al’s body, though there was no way he could’ve know what Truth would’ve taken from him, or that Truth would’ve intervened at all. He chastises himself for not being useful in dire situations when Winry stepped up to deliver Dominic’s grandchild in Rush Valley. It wasn’t his area of expertise, while Winry, he acknowledges, grew up with doctors for parents and reading medical textbooks. He feels helpless, but how could he know he would find himself in such a situation? He even holds himself responsible as a culprit in Hughes’ death for getting him involved in their research of philosophers’ stones. What Hughes discovered about the nationwide transmutation circle was, ultimately, his own doing. In addition, besides blaming himself for the loss of Al’s body, a guilt that Ed carries to the end of his story was his inability to save Nina. Just because he was the first person to put all the pieces together, he thought that if he realized Shou Tucker’s true intentions that much sooner, she would still be alive. Yet, realistically, no one else had figured it out either. He was just in the wrong place at the right(?) time. Yet, all of this being said, the moments during which Ed overcomes some of his guilt are some of the most powerful in the entire story. (Learning that Al didn’t blame him for the loss of his body is a prime example.)

As I’ve mentioned in other recent character analyses, a complex personality is key to a strong and likable character, and my god, does Ed have one. Ed has many traits that make him just fascinating to watch. While his early cynicism of humanity fades away, he remains cocky, stubborn, abrasive, short-tempered, sarcastic, occasionally hostile to figures of authority, and not one above stroking his own ego. Yet, a lot of those aspects of his personality veer towards superficial. He views every human life (in all forms) as sacred, and something he is painfully reluctantly to use to further his own goals. To those who earn his respect, he is endlessly loyal, selfless, and fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. His personality also takes on a different tint (like a real person) when he interacts with different people. He fights to see the Ling within Greed, but ultimately respects Greed as a member of his team. He’s in awe, yet honest with Riza. He’s sarcastic with Roy, but when in danger, is his greatest ally. He’s level-headed, firm, and forgiving with Al. He’s uniquely gentle and compassionate to Winry. In short, he’s beautifully and painfully human. 

Finally, Ed is an excellent foil to the character of Father. While the latter tried to make himself a perfect being by ridding himself of humanity’s seven deadly sins (an idea I remember someone, though I can’t remember who, likening his goal to the idea of Nietzsche’s “Übermensch,” which is basically a form of superior man who could rise above traditional Christian values to impose his own. That sounds pretty accurate to me, but I’m no expert in this corner of philosophy.), Ed actively embraced all of his flaws, guilt, and well, sins, to ultimately become a more compassionate individual who is able to ultimately triumph over evil. (As a side note, Greed’s aid in this final battle really adds extra emphasis to his earlier explanation to Ed that “everyone wants something they cannot have.” The fact that Greed sacrifices himself in this moment to assure Father’s defeat proves that point several times over, which just makes those final sequences of the battle that much cooler [and heartbreaking]). The fact that Ed, who is riddled with what Father considers the ultimate faults of humanity, still overcomes him, proves that the rejection of own’s own humanity is a greater evil than the sum of it’s parts. As a huge characterization nerd, that’s pretty freaking cool. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Edwin is easily one of my top five OTPs, and I honestly don’t see shipping Ed with anyone else. Like Roy and Riza, Ed and Winry’s relationship is built on years of trust, respect, friendship, and tragedy. While they sometimes struggle with communicating their feelings, whether its about each other or the circumstances they’re facing, they always manage to get their feelings across when the moment demands it. It seems that their respective obsessions confuse or annoy each other, yet, they each possess huge admiration for the other’s accomplishments and passions. They understand the harsh burden of losing their parents, and Winry never judges Ed for attempting to revive his mother, likely because she had the same kind of longing. In addition, each of them are deeply concerned for the safety of the other, with Ed especially going to great lengths to ensure Winry is unaffected with his involvement in the military. Sadness of one pains the other, and they’re both hellbent on making sure the other is, in the end, happy. Talk about the makings of a great relationship! Also, at the most basic level, they’re SO DAMN ADORABLE.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

I have to go with Al here. (Also apparently this got too long to add more gifs so rip to that idea…) These two have been through so much together, balance the weight of their varying personalities, and as a result, are the ultimate allies. Besides the deep care these brothers share, the most interesting aspect about them is how their personalities contrast and support one another. Ed is typically hot-headed and impulsive. Al is calmer and leans more towards logic. Ed has a big ego and is sarcastic. While Al has his moments, he’s unflinchingly kindhearted. However, their mutual passion for alchemy, humanity, and completing their quest are unmatched. The story is about brotherhood, and these two are the ultimate protagonists. Al’s superior battle sense, levelheadedness, and gentle personality are the perfect balance to Ed. He brings him back down to earth, yet encourages him to race to the ends of it. They joke and argue, but you know they would sacrifice everything for the other. 

My unpopular opinion about this character:

*sigh* The Ed being really short joke did eventually get old… 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As is the case with many fma characters in my book, I want to see more! Knowing Ed, there’s no way this kid would peak at 18. I want to see his adventures after the promised day. I want to see him with Winry and his kids, being a great father, but I also want to see him traveling, discovering, and maybe getting himself into a bit of trouble here and there! At the end of years of struggling and hardship, I want to see the next crazy step in his journey. There’s no way he’d sit still for long. The sky’s barely the limit for Ed, and i want to see how far he flies. 

Send me a character, if you dare. 

[avidbeader]

Voltron Season 6

Okay, now that I’ve seen the season (and that was much harder than it needed to be, but I’ll save that for another post), I will try to get some initial thoughts down. I’m sure I’ll have more as I rewatch.

TL;DR version - I loved this season.

If you follow me, you know I ship Sheith and ship it hard. And S6 makes me feel like I won the lottery there. I was hoping that the Operation Kuron thing would be settled. I was hoping Keith would return to the team, be the one to discover the clone plot, and find a way to rescue Shiro. I was hoping there might be another hug. I was hoping for some flashbacks to how Keith and Shiro got to know one another.

I was not expecting a scene that I have seen a dozen variations of in fanfic. I was NOT expecting a battle of “Akira”-level epic-ness, a crossover fic of “Winter Soldier”, and the clear declaration of “I love you”. I think I would have legit screamed if my husband hadn’t been watching with me.

(And miss me with the “brother” thing. Thanks to the flashbacks we see that other than his dad (because he didn’t remember his mom), Shiro is the only person that Keith cares about. He has no frame of reference for when the affection and friendship from his side slides into romantic love. I’ve seen plenty of posts from gay people who verify that yes, calling that person for whom you have all these new messy feelings a brother or sister at first is actually something that happens. And *because* JDS started with “brother”, he could finish with “I love you” and not have the toy company execs try to censor it. I look forward to seeing how much more they are able to do with this.)

I’m trying to decide whether I’m surprised or not that they killed Kuron. On the one hand, we’ve already had the brother variation in GoLion and the melding of both those characters into one in DotU. On another, my understanding is that Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos originally planned to either kill Shiro off permanently or have him be gone until nearly the last minute in order to have Keith grow into leadership. But for once the toy execs were useful and insisted that they weren’t going to create toys for a character that was only around for the first two seasons. (Boy, the philosophy has changed from my childhood, where two seconds in the background was enough reason to make yet another Star Wars action figure...)

My interpretation is that Kuron’s consciousness died the moment his connection to Haggar was severed, leaving behind a body running on minimal brain activity. That’s the most moral way to have Allura recover Shiro’s consciousness from the Black Lion and infuse him into Kuron’s body, since his own is nowhere to be found. It’s rather sad, since Kuron was certainly trying his best when he wasn’t being pushed by Haggar into doing her bidding. I will be interested to see whether Shiro has access to or retains any of Kuron’s memories, or how much Shiro knows - if his essence was tied to the Black Lion, he may only know what the Lion was there to witness.

At the moment, I’m not a fan of the all-white hair. I really grew to love Shiro’s look in S1-2 and was only putting up with the look of S3-4 Shiro because I figured we’d see Original Shiro back once the Kuron plot was done. But that’s just my personal opinion and I’ll try to make myself get used to it - even though it reminds me of those horrifying edits where people just removed all the hair from the characters’ heads.

Non-Sheith stuff:

I was SO immensely relieved and happy when I realized that the time-skip was (1) on Keith’s side and (2) he was with his mom and got a pet in the process. I was legitimately pissed off in advance at the idea of Keith being stuck alone or just doing Blade stuff while the rest of the paladins were in the semi-leaked long sleep that came from a cast interview. Instead, it seems like he and his mother had the time to get to know one another again forced upon them. (The fact that it makes the age discourse even more irrelevant than it was already? That’s a bonus.)

I was not surprised that Lotor had some really nasty skeletons in the closet. I may find some more to think about, but I do feel that the story was written fairly, showing through Zarkon and Honerva the effects of being exposed to the rift, and telegraphing that same effect onto Lotor (such as reverting to “Victory or Death” when facing the white lion of Oriande). Whether or not he might have overcome it given enough time and support...that’s for fanfic to explore. And when you contrast the fact that Lotor chose to sacrifice others (the Alteans he took to the “colony” in his quest, Narti back in S3 or S4) while Allura tended to sacrifice *herself* from early on (healing the Balmera, getting Shiro out of the Galra ship)... I think that draws a pretty clear line between their characters and the paths they were destined for.

In general, I wasn’t wincing near as much through the “comedy” episode and didn’t have to fast-forward at all. (Which I do with parts of “Space Mall” and I do not intend to watch “The Voltron Show” ever again.) I was delighted to see Pidge uncover a little Blade of Marmora when her dwarf was smashing pots and looking for treasure “Zelda” style. Yes, it would have been fun if Coran had chosen for Keith to turn up as an NPC, but I can understand why they decided to keep it simple.

I also liked that, although this was a Keith-heavy set of episodes, they did give plenty to the other characters. Hunk got to shine with leading the repairs on the shield. The revelation that Pidge had created something to take out Shiro’s arm? Logical and devastating. And I don’t think I rolled my eyes at Lance even one time this season, which is quite an accomplishment. I loved seeing him be honest with himself about his feelings for Allura, and even examining them with a maturity that has been slowly developing over time. I love how Allura went all in to save him in the first episode - I hope that’s pointing toward an endgame ship, because those are two characters that I think would be good for one another.

I liked the use of what few background characters we had, although I was getting dizzy from all the twists and turns from Axca’s loyalties and (until the last time) impatient with how quick to accept said turns Ezor and Zethrid were. I am very curious to see what Haggar/Honerva is planning next - I expect her to be the final big bad to defeat in the last third of the show.

And while I need to go back and watch S5-6 back to back to be sure, I get the feeling that the entire team went full throttle here. The writing was tight overall, the characterization mostly logical, the animation incredible, the music fantastic, and the voice actors had some tour-de-force moments in what was already a set of strong performances.

And now we’re going back to Earth, something that was legitimately deflected by the showrunners when asked several months ago. I was not expecting that - I figured Pidge was about to say they needed to go to Olkarion to get a new castle built. But now we’ve got Earth in the picture again, and my husband is letting himself hope just a little for Vehicle Voltron to make an appearance. I am pumped and eager to see what happens next even as I savor everything that this season gave us.

[keelyc-s]

Evaluation of Final Outcome

My overall theme of ‘Dog Breeding’ differs greatly to what I initially thought I would base my work on. I initially thought that ‘Animal Rights’ would inspire me to create work on farm animals and use the abattoir as a setting for my work as that is where the most violence and loss of life occurs in animal related industries. Instead, I wanted to focus on an issue that does not as obviously link to animal rights and that as far as I know has not been covered by artists which is ‘Dog Breeding’. Being inspired by George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’, I took the themes of power, vulnerability, business and man-made infliction as opposed to the subject of farms and farm animals. I nave not researched a lot into the theme of ‘family’, a theme that I thought would be prevalent in my work due to its emotive connotations, but instead researched into the themes of health, competition and business. Consequently, my work came to not focus so much on catharsis, but instead to reflect the current dog breeding and dog show issues as awareness. I hadn’t thought about dog shows as ’garish beauty pageants’ or the health problems many pedigree dogs suffer so I felt motivated to research the issues and gain a lot of knowledge from it. I have still  used ‘Speciesism’ as an issue subtly in my final piece as my dog show pageant rewards only pedigree dogs: the British Bulldog; King Charles Spaniel; Poodle; and Pug; not mongrel dogs. My research has touched on eugenics and the Aryan race to show similarities between how The Kennel Club sets out criteria for ‘desirable’ characteristics in dog breeds, as did Hitler in Nazi Germany for the ‘perfect’ race;or in The Kennel Club’s case, the ‘Breed Standards’. I have supported my Project Proposal by using both 2D and 3D medias in my final piece, something that I planned on doing in my Project Proposal to create more detail in my work. 

In my opinion, all of the research that I gathered for my project was relevant even if it did not link directly to dog breeding. At the start of the project, I kept my research broad into ‘Animal Rights’ generally, so researching animals in entertainment, food, animal testing etc which allowed me to gain a broad insight into the injustices of animal treatment and their vulnerability, being victims to human dominion. My research at that point was mostly from articles or photos on the internet or reading chapters in literature or philosophy books for intellectual insight into the the issue. My research started to focus on dog breeding when i decided that producing artwork on dogs and their rights would be interesting as it is not widely researched so I gained very relevant primary research by visiting the RSPCA in Derby where I learnt about their reasons for being there and their experiences. Only then did I decide that ‘breeding’ would be a fascinating and unique topic to focus. looking at the consequences of overbreeding on dogs quality of life and standard of living. I took many photographs at the location of the dogs which I used in my experimental pieces of work, but the whole experience made me want to create work that exposes the suffering and helplessness of many dogs as I found the experience sad and overwhelming. As a result, this research moved my ideas forward because it inspired and motivated me to research deeply into dog breeding which linked to dog shows, The Kennel Club, Crufts, pedigree dogs and health defects.

One of the main problems when creating my final piece was time management. It took me longer than I expected to finalise my final piece plans as I was still experimenting with ideas and materials. However, what helped enormously was the weekly plans and frequent evaluations that I did which really helped me to organise my timing and preparations for my final piece, especially in the last few weeks of my project where my schedule to get parts of my project completed was hectic. Another problem that I encountered was experimenting with materials at a late stage which was to be used specifically in my final piece that I hadn’t used before. For example, making my own canvases using wood, canvas sheets and emulsion paint, or even combining 2D and 3D pieces in my work which I hadn’t done previously in my experiments. Making the rosettes out of ribbon was part of my final piece that I hadn’t tested out before, therefore I was unsure about whether it would suit my final piece, eventually deciding that it added to its garishness.  I resolved making my own canvases from scratch by asking one of my lecturers to give me a tutorial on how to make one which I carefully noted so that the canvases I made were of good quality. I did worry to begin with whether the canvas sheets were stapled tightly enough to the wood, however, I adjusted them by stretching them tighter over the back. I resolved my lack of practice into combining 2D and 3D elements in one piece together by gathering 2D and 3D experimental pieces and roughly positioning them over each other. This was where the thought of adding 3D protruding eyes for each dog came from, and also the thought of using mod rock for skin disorders came from. I also did a little research into artists who use both 2D and 3D elements in their work which made me feel comfortable with what I wanted to produce and the effect that it could give. Overall, I am glad that I did make my own canvases as it feels more personal to me and part of my art, as well of being of better quality than a shop-bought canvas. I am also happy with my combination of 2D and 3D elements in my final piece as I feel it gives a greater grotesqueness and realism to my work.

I played to my speciality of painting for my final piece as I felt that it would overall be of better quality if I did. I think that I developed as a painter when painting my final piece as looking at my overall portraits, (specifically the Bulldog and King Charles Spaniel) the finish on them looks quite professional. I think this is because I learnt to add water to acrylic paint which gave a smoother and more blended finish. Although I did not build on as many skills in painting my work, I did develop many skills in 3D / sculptural pieces of work. I had never made eyeballs out of newspaper, tissue paper and embroidery thread before, nor had I ever made rosettes out of ribbons so in my opinion I have developed greatly in 3D work and in learning how they compliment 2D pieces also. I was experimenting with materials even when I was creating my final piece which was risky as they were to be used in my final piece. Although it could be seen as disorganised, I think that is how I personally work and am confident that my final piece will look accomplished when I have a clear vision of what I want my final piece to include. I worked in this way for the Sudbury Hall project which I felt brought more imagination and creativity to my work. For this project,  I didn’t plan to make my own canvases but it has really expanded my practical skills and has added more individuality to my work as they are the exact size that I required and slightly rugged as well which shows they are homemade. I did adapt my work to an extent when considering the experiments I carried out for the final piece, however, timing did make it difficult to change too much of my final piece plan, so I just had to make the best quality work I could out of my current final piece idea.

I think that I managed my time well to begin with in the project as this was the experimental time and the weekly action plans certainly did help me organise the current week and week ahead to get as much work done and supplies gathered as possible. However, despite having the plans later on in the experimental period, I feel that I got a little carried away with experimenting and not planning early for the final piece because there was so much in my research on dog breeding that I still wanted to explore in my art. Nevertheless, I  became more strict on time management when I started my final piece as I wanted to make sure my work would not be rushed and be the the best quality possible as I was aware that the size of my final piece was quite ambitious, especially with them being detailed paintings. I used my journal continuously to record the development of my project, however, when my action plan sometimes got quite chaotic, I tended to reflect and develop and organise my work in my head, so forgot to fully evaluate my work at every stage. Nevertheless, I would catch up with the reflections and evaluations in my journal after the chaotic schedule so that all my thoughts and plans were recorded throughout.

Overall, I think that my final outcome is successful in terms of its appearance and effective in conveying the message that I wanted it to. The detail of my work is good as I don’t think I have spent so long on a single piece of work before and so I am very proud with the scale of it and its appearance generally. The 2D and 3D pieces give it an inventiveness that it would not have had without the 3D pieces. I think that the meaning of my work is easily translatable also as it shows the contradiction of ill/ deformed dogs being rewarded in a Crufts show which demonstrates clearly that I am showing the negative aspects of Crufts and dog breeding. Looking at the final work, there is a good balance of grotesqueness, detail and meaning. I wanted to stay clear of creating work that was too gory as I am sensitive to such material and I did not want the meaning of my work to be ignored/ overshadowed by the overwhelming grotesqueness of it. Furthermore, I am a little dissapointed that my last two portraits (the Poodle and the Pug) are not as detailed and have less of a professional appearance then the other two portraits. I think this is because time became an issue and the pressure was getting to me to finish soon at that stage.

Overall, I think that my work has been a success in its appearance, scale and meaning, which will hopefully be supported by the feedback in the exhibition.

[ballbrandon94]

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[beingveekay]

ROBYN “RIHANNA” FENTY.

Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”.  As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.

Here are some of her accomplishments:

9 Grammys

12 Billboard Music Awards

12 American Music Awards

8 People’s Choice Awards

Icon Award (2013)

Fashion Icon Award (2014)

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)

Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)

Over 10 million albums sold in the US

Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million

the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold

3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY

Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna

Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on. 

After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me.  Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.

I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:

TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me.  I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to  wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.

In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…

TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.

“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.” 

“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”

“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”

A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.

Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..

LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

    “I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”

Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.

Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…

TO GO HARD.

That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.

FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY.  That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day.  Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.

Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…

COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.

You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.

Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!

Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”

I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.

  Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,

#LoveVeeKay.

        What Rihanna Taught Me ROBYN "RIHANNA" FENTY. Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as…

[occupyvenus]

But why?

Dark!Dany in season 7 (part 1 of ~4). 

I was almost finished writing down my dark!dany-impressions from episodes 1 and two, but then episode 3 aired and I decided to completely change the structure of this little essay and start anew. So of course, this took way longer than anticipated. I decided to finish the first part now, hopefully post the second part later today or tomorrow and complete the third and fourth after Dany went Dracarys in ep 4 (because she will, I just know that she will)

A couple of disclaimers before I get started :

First: D&D are playing loose (very loose) with the social rules and norms established in the books. I will try to keep any “that doesn’t make any sense, in the books xyz would happen” out of this. For example if the show tells me that besieging a city from all sites, thereby cutting its supply lines, will cost the least civilian life, I will take that as a fact. If the show claims that Cersei’s claim to the Iron Throne is “secure” enough to be seen fucking her own brother, at least within Kings Landing and in the mind of several Reach Lords who answered her summon, I will accept that as well. In short: If D&D say that’s how it is, then that’s how it is.

Second: I do not believe that primarily judging characters and their actions from a westerosi point of view really makes sense anymore. The world in which this story takes place should be taken into consideration, yes, but watsonian consistency and accuracy have really taken a backseat to the doylist intentions the show is trying to express. D&D are clearly changing and constructing plot lines, characterizations, decisions and reactions with a modern audience in mind and, most importantly, to accommodate their modern moral and ethical views. This is not to say that modern audiences lack the capacity to put themselves into alien positions and worldviews. This ability simply seems to be very inconsistent and sometimes even contradictory. For example: Even though decapitation has mostly vanished as a form of punishment, it’s fairly easy to recognise the supposed “justice” in such an act. If we are presented with a culprit guilty of a capital crime. As the show has displayed many times, chopping off someone else's head for breaking a vow, does not turn you into a blood-thirsty murderer or ruthless tyrant, even though we all agree, that it’s good we don’t do that anymore. But on the other hand (pun intended) if one of our good guys were to cut of a thief's hand on screen -a widespread punishment for theft over many continents and centuries, including the setting of asoiaf* - we would probably have a harder time to “forgive” them for it. I know I would. Humans and their perception of “moral” are weird. I’m sure there are some theories out there on why that is and what influences this, imo, rather weird phenomena, but I hope you understand what I mean when I say: We can accept different realities and their rules, but only when we can. In my opinion, that’s a framework D&D are carefully working with.

You can disagree with me on that, but that is how I am going to approach the show from now on, this little post included. I will focus on what the show-runners are trying to convey to a modern audience. How do they want us to react to what happens on screen and what tools do they use to influence and guide our reaction. Many of my estimations will be intuitive and not necessarily fully objective, so everyone is free to disagree with me in that perspective. But if you want to refute one of my arguments here, solely based on “but it is based on the medieval !!!”, you will have to present a very compelling case for me to care. Because the show mostly doesn’t care on what time period Westeros is vaguely based on, so why should I? 

Third: These are only my opinions, blah blah. I do not claim to have an insider in HBO who tells me what they were trying to do. These are only my thoughts, my analysis, my interpretations. 

Fourth: I don’t “hate” Dany, I don’t think she is the most evilest person on the show, I simply believe that she is moving into a darker direction. Honestly, that would be the exact twist the series could need right now. It’s starting to get a bit boring and predictable.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get started with the first big question:

Why even conquer Westeros ?

I believe that both intentions and consequences are important. As a rule of thumb I always judge an action by its consequences, the character of a person by their intentions. This is often intertwined, an “evil” person will often do “evil” things, “good” people can sometimes do “evil” things for “good” reasons, and if a “good” person keeps doing “evil” shit you will sooner or later question how “good” they really are. It’s useless to say that all of this is indeed very subjective and it’s pretty unlikely that two people will always be on the same page. No one has to agree with me on that (after all the entire field of philosophy has been arguing about this for centuries), but I found it to be a fair and meaningful way to assess “ethical positioning”, at least for fictional fictional characters and my own opinion. 

So in this first section, I will focus on the question Why does Dany even want to conquer Westeros? Rather than her qualities as a queen or the consequences of her actions I will try to focus on her intentions, on what drives her to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. I will end this section on whether those intentions justify or warrant the price she is willing to pay for the Iron Throne and talk more thoroughly about it in later parts.

Season 7 has had a number of interesting hints and revelations about this issue.

EPISODE 1 “DRAGONSTONE”

I honestly didn’t pay much attention to the single short scene Dany had in episode one. (I was preoccupied with the case umber & karstark vs the north). But some comments made by Dany-fans caught my attention and made me take another look at her behaviour. What I’m talking about is Dany entering the Throne Room in Dragonstone, walking towards the throne (a symbol for “ruling”) but moving to the next room, rejecting it for the carved table Aegon planned his conquest on 300 years ago (a symbol for just that - “conquest”). 

I read comments along the lines “This was such a great character moment! It really shows where her priorities lie” or “She doesn’t just want to rule, she wants to win!”. After giving it some thought I fully agree with these statements, but ... I do not think that’s ... a good thing? This reminds me very much of something Dario said in season 6: 

You weren’t made to sit on some chair in a palace. [...] You are a conqueror, D Stormborn. 

I think he is spot on with this. It has been shown again and again that what Dany is good at, what she thrives at, is conquest. Fighting and defeating your enemy. My question is: does this make her a good candidate for the Iron Throne? Shouldn’t her conquest simply be the means through which she accomplishes her real goal - ruling - instead of her true vocation? I don’t believe that Dany actually wants to sit on a throne, she simply wants to win it. Robert showed that good soldiers don’t make good kings, I do not believe that good conquerors make good queens neither.

EPISODE 2 “STORMBORN”

This episode tackles and subtly undermines two motivations behind this conquest, that made it an relatable, righteous venture in both our and Danys mind. 

First, Dany admits that Dragonstone “doesn’t feel like home”. 

Dany to Viserys in Pentos [s1]: I don’t want to be his queen. I want to go home. 

Dany to Tyrion in Meereen [s5]: I fought so that no child born into Slaver’s Bay would ever know what it meant to be sold or bought. I will continue that fight here and beyond. But this is not my home. 

Dany to Tyrion in Dragonstone [s7]: I always thought this would be a homecoming. Doesn’t feel like home.

Longing for one’s home is an outmost humane desire. We can empathize and sympathize with this. We can’t begrudge her for this wish or the actions she takes to fulfill it. She might have never spend a day of her adult life in westeros before, but it has always been “home” in her mind. Now she is faced with the ugly reality that it isn’t. That Dragonstone, and I would deduce the Seven Kingdoms as a whole, are a strange, foreign place to her. If the castle she was born in, her family's ancestral seat doesn’t feel “like home”, what will? The Red Keep? The Iron Throne? It is quite tragic, but the only real home Dany ever knew was the House with the red door in Braavos she lived in as a child. And that is not the home she will find at the end of her conquest. 

Second, Dany realizes that the common folk is not praying for her return, sewing dragon banners and drinking secret toasts to her health.

The wine seller and Dany [s1]: You know there are many in your homeland who pray for your return princess. --  I hope to repay your kindness someday.

Tyrion and Dany [s5]: When you get back to you home, who supports you? -- “The common people”. 

Dany to Varys [s7]: They call out for their true queen? They drink secret toasts to my health? People used to tell my brother that sort of thing and he was stupid enough to believe it. 

Acknowledging that Viserys was a fool to believe this, certainly shows maturity and that she’s come to understand “how the world works”, but this notion, that she would return the rightful ruler to her people also gave her conquest a “moral backbone”. After all Dany has always depicted herself as a champion for the common people (at least as long as she was in essos, more on that later). If she believes that “her people are crying out for their true queen”, even if it isn’t true, simply if she believes it, her conquest is to some extent meant to fulfill the wishes of her subjects. Whether that is an important factor for the legitimacy of a feudalistic ruler, is another question, but it definitely is a quality we admire and look for in a good ruler. What makes the King in the North scenes so powerful and engaging, is the fact, that both Robb and Jon are chosen by their people. This has always played an important part in Dany’s self-image as a ruler. She was always shown to be loved by the essosi commoners (ie former slaves), she herself has stated that “the common folk” is who supports her in westeros. But quite frankly the show hasn’t addressed yet what the westerosi small folk is thinking about the dragon queen's return. Neither has Dany. It is only brought up once, when Varys starts to recount how unpopular Cersei is and Dany shuts him down immediately.

I noticed that “the good” Dany could do for the small folk in Westeros is mostly addressed by her supporters, not herself. Varys claims to back her because he believes “she is the best chance the common folk has”, Tyrion is the one to tell Jon that she “protects people from monsters”. In her time in slaver's bay she brought this up numerous times herself: What SHE could do to better their lives. But since she landed in Westeros, she only talks about bringing peace and prosperity to the people twice. Once when talking to Onella, who immediately shits all over warfare-the-nice-way and tells her to be “a dragon” (more on that in part 3) and a second time when talking to Jon. But this sentiment was brought up in the context of how “a targaryen on the Iron Throne and a Stark as warden in north” have been good for the realm. It isn’t directly linked to Dany herself, rather her conception of her family's legacy and it’s influence in the past.

EPISODE 3 “THE QUEENS JUSTICE”

This episode has done nothing to paint Danys motivation in a, let’s say “humanitarian”, light. Quite contrary, Dany freely admits in her own words that this conquest is most and foremost about her. Her wishes, her desires, what she thinks she deserves. She is approaching her “negotiation” with Jon with two key arguments in mind. First, her hereditary claim as a Targaryen and secondly, her personal claim based on her life experiences. 

The last King in the North was Torrhen Stark, who bend the knee to my ancestor, Aegon Targaryen. In exchange for his life and the life of the Northmen, Torrhen Stark swore fealty to House Targaryen in perpetuity. [...] You’ve travelled all this way to break faith with House Targaryen? ...

I’ve already talked about my problems with Dany calling herself the “rightful” ruler. Though she admits that her father was an “evil man”, she doesn’t acknowledge Robert's Rebellion as a justified uprising against a tyrant. She simply sees her father as the bad apple of the family. As a single outlier in the otherwise “consistent” history of “righteous” Targaryen rule. Not only showing an unwillingness to accept any wrongdoings done by her house, her father gets outsourced as an exception, but also the consequences his downfall has for her “birthright”. Notice how she is specifically introduced as the “rightful” ruler (which is a little node at Jon heritage as well). She insists that the oaths Torrhen Stark made to Aegon are valid for eternity. She accuses Jon of “breaking faith” and “being in open rebellion”.  She is not trying to re-establish House Targaryen post-rebellion, she is refusing to acknowledge the rebellions significance, as if it doesn’t even matter. Her goal is to keep the Targaryen rule going, because in her mind, it never was rightfully “interrupted” in the first place. This is a mind-set that hasn’t changed since season 1.

While this argument seems to be prepared, her “outburst” that follows, reveals her most honest thoughts and opinions.

I was born in Dragonstone. Not that I can remember it. We fled before Robert’s assassins could find us. Robert was your father’s best friend, no? I wonder if your father knew that his best friends sent assassins to murder a baby girl in her crib. Not that it matters now, of course. I spent my life in foreign lands. So many men have tried to kill me, I don’t remember all their names. I have been sold like a broodmare. I’ve been chained and betrayed, raped and defiled. Do you know what kept me standing through all these years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods, not in myths and legends. In myself. In D Targaryen. 

 Don’t get me wrong, she deserves sympathy for all this. She was victimized for most her life, breaking free of this role, taking agency and even drawing strength from her abuse is indeed inspiring. I don’t know if that was the purpose of her speech, but I’m sure that many people perceived it that way. I don’t want to badmouth those who took just that away from it. 

But somehow ... it also raised some “tragic-villain-backstory” alarms in my head. You know, traditionally at the end of the movie, when our heroes are chained up somewhere in the bad dudes lair and ask “Why are you doing this?” and the villain responds with all the bad shit that happened to them. Talking about how the world wronged them, often how our heroes wronged them.  “All my life the laughed at me, look who’s laughing now?”

This is not a sentiment directly expressed by her, but I feel like it’s so heavily implied that it’s fair to list it here. She has endured many, many hardships and now she feels that the world “owes” her big time. I feel like her ambition of conquering an entire kingdom has crossed the line of “not letting all your traumas stop you” and entered the realm of “I deserve everything I want, no matter the cost because life was unfair to me.” And that really is a text-book villain motive. 

I really do not like to compare female characters, and I’m not trying to say that one of them “had it worse than the other”, but all of these things also apply to Sansa, some of them even to Cersei. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that in an episode titled “The Queen’s justice”, we see one Queen using her sufferings to support her claim, one taking revenge on those who wronged her and another taking care of her people’s needs. All of these three women have suffered in similar ways and while two of them use it to justify their rather selfish behaviour, one of them is shown to spend her time working for others. This “parallel” is only amplified by Bran mentioning Sansa’s wedding night in the same episode. The only reason I can see for Bran bringing up this specific incident (there were many other options to proof his three-eyed-raven powers), is to draw a connection to Danys speech. Again, I am not necessarily trying to set them against each other, but Danys approach to coping with her abuse, at least resembles the one Cersei chose to take. Compare Danys speech to this book quote from Cersei and tell me you don’t get similar vibes:

I waited, and so can he. I waited half my life. She had played the dutiful daughter, the blushing bride, the pliant wife. She had suffered Robert's drunken groping, Jaime's jealousy, Renly's mockery, Varys with his titters, Stannis endlessly grinding his teeth. She had contended with Jon Arryn, Ned Stark, and her vile, treacherous, murderous dwarf brother, all the while promising herself that one day it would be her turn. If Margaery Tyrell thinks to cheat me of my hour in the sun, she had bloody well think again.

This makes me believe that Dany is more or will be more like Cersei than she would like to think. If we all believe that Cersei is power hungry, isn’t Dany as well? For very similar reasons? 

The ending of her little speech also makes her seem a bit megalomaniac. 

[...] Do you know what kept me standing through all these years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods, not in myths and legends. In myself. In D Targaryen. The world hasn’t seen a dragon in centuries until my children were born. The Dothraki haven’t crossed the sea, any sea. They did for me. I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms and I will. 

It’s no surprise really. She is the Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, the Khal of Khals. It’s no wonder all of this goes to her head. This also ties into her conversation with Melisandre in episode two. She immediately assumes that the prophecy is about her, or at least, seems rather pleased at the possibility. She seems to be taken aback when Mel said she (only) “has a part to play”. (At least that’s how I interpreted it, it’s not really easy to know what EC is trying to convey with her ... “acting”. Sry, not sry.) She has fully accepted herself as a chosen one, a prophesied savior, an über-mensch. Whether because of her lineage or her own achievements, this attitude hinges on plain arrogance and is way more often found in “villains” than “heroes”. 

Please notice that her speech is not triggered by Jon refusing her claim, but by his insistence that the white walkers are real and coming for all them. Having her react like this at that point off the argument seems a bit out of place. It could boil down to shitty writing, but it could also be meant to emphasize an apparent contrast between Jon and Dany. Jon embraces leadership to protect his people, Dany seeks it to satisfy her need for self-importance. 

While episode two subtly degrades her relatable and philanthropic motivations, episode three highlights those who are ultimately self-centered. Those rooted in ideas of superiority and entitlement. Whether she feels entitled because of everything she had to endure or her birthright as the last (lol) Targaryen, isn’t important. The point is that she feels she deserves to rule. She feels entitled to the seven kingdoms because of external circumstances, not because of her own qualities or competence. 

I would also like to point out one more thing: Dany could have very well stayed in Essos. She could have chosen to remain in “the Bay of Dragons”, rule as it’s queen, bringing real stability to the region. The show swept that under the rug, and yes, I promised to just take the bullshit D&D feed me at face value, but it she just left Slaver’s Bay behind when it was time to conquer Westeros. I don’t see any reason why the region shouldn’t return to chaos after she, her armies and her dragons are gone. After all, it was “D Stormborn and her dragons coming to Meereen”, as Tyrion put it, that finally brought the former Masters to obey. Now that she’s busy somewhere else, what’s going to keep them in check? Daario and his 2000 Second Sons? 

She could have stayed there, leading a comfortable life as it’s queen, caring for the people who worship her as the breaker of chains. Instead she decided to lead a war of invasion on Westeros. She decided to leave as soon as a fragile peace took hold, to wage war again. For what? If Dany isn’t fighting for “home” or “the will of her people”, what is she fighting for? What is left? She said it herself: D Targaryen. She is fighting for herself. This all is primarily about her and no one else. Honestly, I have a hard time rooting for someone who starts an invasion for selfish reasons.

This was part 1 of this long-ass post. I really hope I can finish “Tyrion Cricket starring in Danoccio” today or tomorrow. The sections “Fire and Blood and Burning Shit” will follow most likely after episode 4 has aired and my favourite topic right now (Targ!Cest vs Targ!Bowl) will come shortly after that. Stay tuned and thank you for your attention. 

[mjbookreviews]

Tenth of December by George Saunders

The second book I read this summer: December in June

I’ve been self-interestedly interested in George Saunders since a creative writing teacher told me that a story I wrote reminded him of “Victory Lap.”  I also read some of his work in that class and found Saunders to be a smart, humorous, and warm author, so I’ve been meaning to read Tenth of December for a couple years now.  I should probably have a warning now though: I’m often an inattentive reader, rushing through the pages without pausing to think about what the author or story is trying to say.  It’s something I’m trying to work on, but I’m afraid that these reviews will probably reveal that aspect of my reading.  Hopefully, though, I can use them to do at least a bit more digging.

Tenth of December is made up of ten short stories, all (or most?) of which I believe can be found online for free, so if you just want to get a taste of Saunders’s work without paying for it, that would be the way to go.  My favorite stories were “Victory Lap,” “The Semplica Girl Diaries,” and “Exhortation,” the first two of which are pretty stereotypical I guess, as they’re some of his most popular work.  But hey, they’re popular for a reason.  These three stories all have great humor and great voices, immersing the reader completely in the psychology of the character.

I loved “Victory Lap” mostly for Alison Pope’s voice, one of the few stories where we get a female point of view. The way we are introduced to her character immediately shows the dreamy, imaginative girl that she is: “Three days shy of her fifteenth birthday, Alison Pope paused at the top of the stairs.” She is clearly still a child seeing a rose-colored world, performing for her audience, yet Saunders does not use this aspect of her character against her or deride her.  Alison is instead simply allowed to be herself, and while we the reader may find her worldview naïve and privileged, there is something undeniably charming about her whimsical ways.  Kyle Boot (the other young protagonist) and even the villain of the story have interesting and well-developed motivations and backgrounds as well.  

This is a story of trauma and the choices we make in the defining moments of our lives.  I don’t want to give away too much as it’s a fairly short read, but I found another review of the story a little while ago and I wanted to touch on something they said.  This reviewer wasn’t a fan because they said this was too saccharine and childish of a story for Saunders.  I can see this point of view, but I disagree. *MINOR SPOILERS* Though the story seems to have a happy ending, I think that the trauma of what Alison and Kyle have gone through, obvious in Alison’s dreams at the end, will have lifelong effects on the two teens of the story.  What will this mentally do to the characters as they move on in their lives?  And for Kyle, who is haunted throughout the story by the voices of his excessively strict parents, we don’t get to see what happens to him afterwards: will his parents punish him for “disobeying” them?  Will the thought of what he almost did to the villain change how he sees himself forever?  

*STILL SPOILERS* And going along with this, I’m not sure how to take the last line (“Did beautiful, Dad said”).  I believe the other review pointed to it as sarcasm, Saunders showing how the naiveté of Alison could have been her downfall and how she hasn’t changed.  I personally think it should be taken more seriously; yes, in this statement Alison is reinforcing her worldview and drawing comfort from her father’s words, perhaps as a way to cope with what has happened to her.  But I again don’t think Saunders is mocking her or the trauma she just experienced. Saunders himself has commented on how he used to try to make humor in mocking a character, but now he finds that this tactic doesn’t work, as the character will “slowly gain [his] sympathy” and simple mockery would lead to the “flat-lining” of the story.

At any rate, the stories flowed wonderfully together, shorter and longer pieces providing nice variations in pace and tone.  Many of these stories seem to focus on characters that teeter on the edge of a precipice; their lower middle class status in danger of falling to lower class poverty or an average man is in danger of falling from normal society into insanity or even toeing the line from life to death.  As Saunders says in a conversation with writer David Sedaris, “In the midst of crisis is where we get the true measure of a character, and thus some new feeling about human tendency.”  Some of these stories end happily: others (more often) fall forward over the edge.

This is essentially the case of the narrator in “The Semplica Girl Diaries.”  Through the diary entries of our protagonist, we learn of his family and his life, how they are not exactly poor, but they are a bit “behind” their peers.  He sees the prosperity of his children’s friends, and in an effort to keep up with a popular decorative trend so as to make his family not feel like such “losers,” they end up (potentially) ruined.  I think Saunders’s critique of materialism and the pressures of living in a capitalistic society where you are not on the upper end (and the extremes that people will go to for their family AND the services and trends that appear in a society where money rules all) is really interesting and thought-provoking.  Here and in “Exhortation,” Saunders is a master of slowly revealing his endgame, of keeping the reader guessing and hanging on every word until it becomes clear what the situation of the characters is.

I thought choosing the “Tenth of December” as the last story and as the title of the collection left things on a hopeful note, and I can appreciate that in literature.  I also really liked the interview at the end of this collection with David Sedaris, which I have already quoted from.  Saunders makes some really great statements on his philosophy toward writing and what good writing should do and be.  For Saunders, good writing should “[enliven] the part of us that actually believes we are in this world, right now, and that being here somehow matters.  It reawakens the reader to the fact and the value of her own existence.”  I believe that Saunders accomplishes this in his own work: by looking at the world in a “semi-sacred way,” whether that is through the thoughts of a teenage girl or through examining class struggles in America, Saunders reminds readers of the humanity in each of us and the delicacy of our own lives.

[ronaldmrashid]

How To Plan For Your Retirement The Second Time Around

The main reason why I’ve gotten more conservative with my investments is not because valuation for the S&P 500 is near an all-time high and earnings growth is decelerating.

Nor have I gotten more defensive because housing inventory has shot up across major parts of the country and prices are clearly declining.

No. The main reason why I’ve gotten more conservative with my investments is because I’m very close to retiring for a second time.

Let me recap my background and share some retirement preparation plans if you’re also planning on retiring soon.

The Return To Retirement Living

After first retiring in 2012, I spent about nine months living the early retirement lifestyle. I wrote a book about my experience negotiating a severance and my wife and I traveled around the world for about 12 weeks.

By the beginning of 2013, I no longer told anybody I was retired. People gave me funny looks whenever I mentioned I had left corporate America for good. I also felt stupid saying I was retired in my mid-30s.

I longed for more purpose and a more acceptable identity that didn’t require explaining my background each time. So I decided to pivot from early retiree to full-time writer and entrepreneur.

Almost immediately, I felt better about my new role in the world. Growing Financial Samurai all these years has been incredibly fun.

On average, I spend about three hours a day on the site, which is one of the main reasons why it’s been so enjoyable. If I was forced to work 10 hours a day on FS and commute, I’d have probably started hating it after a year.

Having something intellectual to do, especially after my son was born in early 2017, has been a blessing. Being cooped up in the house all day is no fun for this stay at home dad.

Another thing I’ve enjoyed doing in my second career is mastering everything that relates to online publishing. From writing, to marketing, to business development, I now have a strong grasp on all the things it takes to build and run an online media company from the ground up.

Although it’s been seven years since I left full-time work, it’s been almost 10 years since I started Financial Samurai in 2009.

Back then, I had told myself that if I could reach various stretch goals by the summer of 2019, I would give myself the luxury of taking it easy once again.

The main stretch goal was to regularly generate over one million organic pageviews a month.

As fate would have it, I have the option to let go this summer and fully retire once more.

The Origin Of Luck And Fear

What I realize now is that whether by coincidence or on purpose, I’m living my life in 10-year cycles.

I first got a job out of college in 1999. Getting a job at a major investment bank was mostly luck because graduates out of a non-target public school usually don’t get these front office jobs in NYC.

Although there was the dot com bust in 2000, the 10-year journey from 1999 to 2009 was an overall positive for my career.

After about two years at the first investment bank, I got my second lucky break when a recruiter placed me at a new firm in 2001 in San Francisco. If I had not changed jobs, I would have been kicked to the curbed after my two years were up.

Then, of course, everything started crashing in 2008 – 2009. I was scared for my future given Lehman Brothers, Bear Sterns, Washington Mutual, and a bunch of other firms had collapsed. Friends were losing their jobs, their houses, and their savings.

Somehow, I managed to escape seven rounds of layoffs in a two year period at my firm. My immediate boss had left the firm to become a client the year prior. Thus, if the firm was to lay me off, it wouldn’t have had anybody to run the business. Another lucky break.

I was so worried about my future in 2009 that I decided to finally start Financial Samurai, an idea I had had since graduating from business school in 2006, but had been putting off.

If you look at the chart of when Financial Samurai was started, you’ll see that it was started at the exact bottom of the previous financial crisis in July 2009.

To start Financial Samurai at the bottom of the last financial crisis and then have a massive bull market help propel the site forward was also tremendously lucky.

Yes, I’ve spent many hours developing this site, but I fully admit that most of the growth is serendipitous. Living in San Francisco, the epicenter of technology and financial innovation has also helped me develop some key industry relationships.

If you started something in 2009, it would be relatively hard not to have successfully grown your business or your wealth.

The tailwind is like having a mentor who is actually the CEO of your company and also happens to be your dad who wants to give you the company. In such a scenario, how can you fail?

Since 1999 I’ve constantly wondered when my luck will run out. I’ve already talked about experiencing survivor’s guilt after my friend passed away when I was 15. All the good that has transpired since has only made me wonder more about the future.

Don’t Push Luck Too Far

Despite the good fortune, 2009 still burns deep in my psyche because of how badly my finances got crushed. Perhaps this is how survivors of the Great Depression felt for the rest of their lives.

I don’t want to ever again suffer through a 2009-like experience. I recently got a taste of temporarily losing lots of money in 2018, and that was enough.

I’m so thankful we’ve recovered and I no longer wish to push my luck.

2019 is the year where I plan to retire again after 10 years of running Financial Samurai. I’ll either sell the site, write less, or hire talented staff writers or guest writers to write using the Financial Samurai principles.

It’s been a great run, and I want to leave on an up note. If you are thinking of retiring for a first or second time, here are some things you should consider.

Retirement Planning Checklist

1) Adjust your risk exposure down.

As with any classic retiree in their 60s or 70s, it’s important to take down risk exposure because you no longer have the ability or the desire to work any longer.

Measure your risk tolerance in terms of the Financial SEER ratio. In other words, how many months are you willing to work to make up for a potential loss in retirement.

Once you’ve retired, you don’t want to be forced to go back to work. Giving up precious time for money is one thing, but so is the embarrassment of having to go back to work because of poor financial planning.

Debt should be completely eliminated or reduced to a level that will never be able to sink your finances.

2) Calculate your various income streams.

If after taxes, your income streams can sustain your desired retirement lifestyle, you’re golden. If not, keep working or build more side hustle income. To be conservative, it’s best to have at least a 20% cushion above your living expenses.

Plan out a tax-efficient safe withdrawal strategy based on a combination of your pre-tax and post-tax retirement accounts.

Those who want to stay conservative should try to only live off their after-tax passive income and never touch principal. Only when Required Minimum Distributions are in effect should you start drawing down principal.

3) Make sure you’ve accomplished all your goals.

When you leave your profession, you want to leave with as few regrets as possible. The best way to leave with few regrets is by fulfilling your stretch goals.

One of the reasons why professional athletes retire after winning the Super Bowl, a Major, or the NBA Championship is because there is no greater glory. During the rare times when such a champ tries to make a comeback, it’s often a sad affair filled with struggle.

If you cannot reach the pinnacle of your profession, one thing you must ask yourself is whether you’ll be leaving the place better than when you first started. If the answer is no, then you must take measures to rectify or continue working.

Retiring when your fund or company burned to the ground will make you feel like an unsettled ghost, unable to rest in peace. You want to go out on your own terms, which is why negotiating a severance can be incredibly powerful to your mental well-being.

4) Ensure your legacy will be left in good hands.

The longer you’ve worked, often the harder it is to walk away. The transition is made easier if you have someone you’ve trained or trust to take over once you’re gone.

The last thing you want is to have all your good work get undone by someone with a completely different philosophy. If this happens, you will feel as if you wasted many years of your life. Find an excellent successor and don’t leave until you do.

5) Have a next purpose.

You don’t want to retire into nothingness. Going from working 12 hours a day to having all the free time in the world can be very disconcerting. After being so used to structure for so long, you might start wondering what else is there to life. Some of you might even get depressed if you don’t have purpose.

Instead, diligently map out your retirement goals months or even years before you retire. You want to retire to something, not from something.

Start talking to people in the fields that interest you when you still have a job. Once you retire, it may be tougher to build relationships because society tends to look down of those who no longer work.

Having a clear purpose in retirement will make your remaining days at work even more meaningful. You’ll also experience a much more joyful retirement life.

Retire As Many Times As You Can

There doesn’t need to be only one retirement in your life. Instead, I encourage you to retire multiple times because that means you’re challenging yourself with new endeavors.

Whether you decide to retire for six months or for six years is up to you. There’s nothing more professionally fulfilling than mastering a new skill and enjoying its accompanying rewards.

Skills are highly fungible today thanks to technology. So long as you’re able to work hard, communicate intelligently, get along with others, and produce more than you cost, you can do well at almost anything because the rest is learned on the job.

I truly hope we never see another 2008 – 2009, nor am I anticipating a correction of such magnitude. I’m just not willing to take unwarranted chances given I’m satisfied with what I have.

With now a wife and son to take care of and potentially zero active income if I sell Financial Samurai, I can no longer afford to take any excess risk. To go through another 40% loss as I did in 2009 at this stage in my life would be devastating.

Our passive income should keep us afloat, but I haven’t truly been able to means test it yet due to my severance that paid out from 2012 – 2017 and the active income I’ve been generating from Financial Samurai.

From July 2019 – July 2029, I plan to spend my 40s primarily focused on raising my boy and spending time with my parents. If we relocate to Hawaii, we’ll have more than enough activities to keep us busy in our second go around.

Let’s pray the next 10 years are as lucky as the past 10!

Related Posts:

The First Rule Of Financial Independence: Never Lose Money

The Fear Of Running Out Of Money In Retirement Is Overblown

Readers, anybody on a 10-year cycle like me? How do you plan to ensure good fortune for the next 10 years of your life? Anybody retire a second or third time? How long did each retirement last and what did you do? What else should people do to prepare for retirement?

The post How To Plan For Your Retirement The Second Time Around appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/how-to-plan-for-your-retirement-the-second-time-around/

[jstevens1015]

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

Hey! Alright so one of the main reasons I decided to start writing on Tumblr at least semi-regularly was to translate some of the thoughts in my crazy and sporadic mind to a concrete format. Sometimes the thoughts build up so much and I never express them, whether verbally or written, so it can become overwhelming. While I am an English major with a Bachelor’s degree, I still find myself struggling to formulate thoughts and reasoning that make sense to anyone but myself and I am even worse about committing these thoughts to memory or paper so I am going to use this as not only a writing tool but hopefully as a self-improvement tool as well.

With that being said, I’d like to take this opportunity to express some feelings that I’ve been having lately about one of my favorite passions: video games. YO THEY ARE SUPER GREAT. But maybe also super awful at times.

I’ve had a love affair with video games since I was maybe around four or five years old. My dad was a big video game fan when he was my age and carried on this passion throughout early and middle adulthood. He lived through the Atari era so he was basically on the fuckin’ landing grounds of the creation of my favorite past time. I remember him telling me how great games like Pong and Pac-Man were and how he couldn’t believe how far they advance in terms of graphics and capabilities every time there is a new system release. 

The first gaming system I ever had was a Sega Genesis. I have some splendid memories of playing Sonic the Hedgehog, Mutant League Football, Streets of Rage 2 and many more games that I can’t possibly remember all at once. And since I was a young and dumb kid, I even got to experience some of the more obscure titles that most older folks wouldn’t have played at the time. These would especially include licensed movie titles like Power Rangers and Home Alone, among others. While games based on movies often get a bad reputation, I distinctly remember enjoying these two titles particularly because of my ever-growing love of the source material. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie game was a side-scrolling beat ‘em up very similar to Streets of Rage 2 so that is likely why I enjoyed this title so much. And man was it a shit ton of fun playing Home Alone and setting traps for Harry and Marv to fall into.

Okay. Let’s get back on track. So my dad started my love for gaming by sharing his memories and experiences and by purchasing me a Sega Genesis. Blah blah blah. Flash forward to my teenage years. By this time, I was long past my 8 bit and 16 bit gaming days and was into 3D gaming systems that were far advanced from the good ‘ol Atari or Genesis days. I watched in amazement as my dad marveled again at “how good this shit looks” and forever possessing the “what will they do next” philosophy and mindset.

On a related note, I remember the day that we finally got high speed internet in my household. Although we lived in the country and were only able to obtain speeds of 1mbps, it was like luxury living for people who formerly lived with dial-up internet. The reason why this is worth mentioning is because this now opened up a whole new world for me: the world of online gaming. Boy, did I not have a clue how great and equally terrifying this would be for me. 

As I became older, I became at least slightly more skilled at playing games than when I was younger. However, I could not understand why the people who played games online against me in multiplayer modes were so much better. I struggled with this a lot and, admittedly, it’s a personal problem that I still have. I’m not sure if I have a competitive complex that I don’t like to reason with or if it’s something else but goddamn do I have some gaming-related anger and self-esteem issues. You would’ve likely heard me yelling in frustration in these angst-driven years, screaming phrases such as OH MY GOD THIS GUY HAS KILLED ME TEN TIMES IN A ROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN LEFT MY RESPAWN AREA. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS? WHY IS HE CROUCHING UP AND DOWN ABOVE MY CHARACTER’S DEAD BODY?!?!

There is a point I’m going to make. God I’m bad at this. SEE THERE IT IS AGAIN. 

My parents, especially my dad, became very angry that I was angry over a video game. The hobby that he once loved so much had mostly become a thing of the past (besides occasional sports games) so he couldn’t possibly understand why a simple hobby was making me so angry. I tried reasoning with him, stating the idea that he was likely angry when he lost to the AI on his older games. He told me he never remembered getting angry because “it was just a game” and “it’s just a computer” and that he never reacted in such a strong way.

Then, it clicked. 

The reason why I get so angry about playing games online is because I am personally interacting with real human beings and not just a computer, not just a form of artificial intelligence. A real, living, breathing, swearing, mother insulting person. And people. SO MANY PEOPLE ALL ONLINE AT ONCE. And these real people don’t give a single fuck about my feelings or how bad I am at the game. Their mission is to make their player beat or destroy or kill my player. It’s truly just a game and shouldn’t hold such a great weight on anyone’s mind but online gaming has a way of making it feel personal and I think that’s why it still has the ability to fill me with such a completely unjustifiable rage.

This brings us to present day. While I still play games online quite often, I feel that my experiences and feelings have changed. I am no longer a child or even a teenager. I am a twenty-five year old man with two part-time jobs, a fiancee, a cat, an apartment to clean and maintain and bills to pay. SO WHY THE HELL AM I STILL GETTING MAD OVER VIDEO GAMES? 

I think that we, as an obviously imperfect species of living biology, are always striving for better. I have clearly evolved and matured as person but there is still that part of me that wants to break shit and throw things when I lose. Maybe I’m just a sore loser. I probably am. BUT. There is so much shit wrong with this world, especially in 2017, that we tend to expect to gain happiness and success out of the hobbies, interests and activities that we spend our free time on while the rest of our time is spent working or sleeping. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone but I think it’s true for me. I think that everything in my life is so uncertain, so messy, so complicated and so challenging for me that I expect my hobbies to provide me an escape from reality and responsibility and send waves of happiness to my screwed up brain. 

Speaking of happiness, I want to mention one of the main reasons why I was prompted to write this very long post. Well, maybe not long by Tumblr standards but surely by my own!

I have recently been playing a game called Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds. It’s a PC game I’ve been playing with my friend Ben on Steam. The elevator pitch for this game is imagine you’ve been put into a Hunger Games style world where you are dropped on an island and must fight to the death with all the other inhabitants. It is simply amazing to realize that there are up to one hundred people in any given match of this game and it could be one hundred different people that you are fighting every time. One hundred different characters that represent one hundred real people, just like you and me. Except maybe not as nice. This game is super stressful, intimidating and difficult at times but HOLY SHIT it is fun. I can honestly say it is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. The constant desire to finally get that win, or “chicken dinner” as the game refers to it, is the pure carnal force that is driving me to keep playing. I keep telling myself the frustration will pay off and I will eventually win.

Well, long story short, I have played countless matches of this game with Ben and I had never won a game of it until last night. We have made it into the top ten out of fifty teams on several occasions and have put over fifteen hours into this game so far but had never won up until this point. I won’t describe this play-by-play but here’s the general gist of it: my friend Ben died early in this match so I was left alone to proceed through the rest of the match. At first, I was completely unsure of how I could possibly proceed without him but then the number of players left in the game started sinking lower and lower until I was finally in the last ten remaining. And then eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. There were three players left, including myself. I had not landed many accurate shots in this match thus far and was almost sure that I would blow this. At last, I fired my virtual assault rifle and eliminated the last player. A screen popped up that said, “WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!” and gave me some match statistics. I was in a state of shock as Ben yelled in excitement and couldn’t believe it. After hours of trial and error, I had finally won. 

I know this post may sound completely trivial and unimportant to anyone but me. The truth is that video games mean a lot to me and being good at them means more than I wish it did. But I think that video games aren’t nearly as irrelevant or pointless as some people make them out to be. Personally, this was a learning experience for me that I needed to have long before adulthood. Sometimes, trial and error is the only method that leads to success. But if you don’t try in the first place, you can’t even reach the point of error. I worked past my fear of being bad at video games and the judgment that would follow by the other players and I accomplished a goal.

Simply put, I expect too much from video games. They have given me fun and happiness for years but how dare they not do this 100 percent of the time or else it will inevitably lead to me being pissed off and destructive.

So thank you, video games. You non-living, virtual, amazing, bullshit, absolutely wonderful creation.

[weightlossfitness2]

Nutrition just isn’t a perception system. Why wishful pondering will not get you outcomes, however science would possibly.

Nutrition is commonly seen as a perception system. In different phrases, the reply to “What should I eat?” is commonly based mostly on religion, magical pondering, emotional attachments, and/or what feels “truthy”, fairly than on actual proof or the scientific technique. Until we repair this, diet will get extra complicated, not much less.

++++

Imagine the Google search by somebody who desires to eat higher.

They would possibly wish to drop some weight. Or construct muscle. Or keep slightly more healthy to allow them to play with their grandkids longer.

So they may search for phrases like:

Healthy consuming.

Healthy eating regimen.

Good diet.

The end result? Well…

“Healthy eating” gave me 63.6 million choices.

“Healthy diet” gave me 188 million choices.

And “Good nutrition” gave me a whopping 213 million choices.

When I try a few of these search engine outcomes, I discover one thing.

Each of those web sites has a narrative to inform: A narrative about which eating regimen, complement, meals, or diet observe somebody believes is greatest.

Many of those tales fully contradict one another.

But they’ve one factor in widespread: The authors deal with diet prefer it’s a set of beliefs, there for their very own choosing and selecting.

Unfortunately, “nutrition” is commonly seen as a perception system.

But beliefs don’t essentially have something to do with details.

When we imagine one thing, we select to simply accept that it’s true, which can or might not have something to do with factual certainty.

This strategy of “believing” is often utilized to diet.

As in:

“I believe that sugar is poison.”

“I don’t believe that humans were meant to eat grains.”

“I believe in only eating foods that are natural and organic.”

In different phrases, the reply to “What should I eat?” is commonly based mostly on religion, magical pondering, emotional attachments, and/or what feels “truthy”, fairly than on science.

Yet diet is not a perception system.

Nutrition is a science.

I’m a energy coach and Precision Nutrition Certified diet specialist.

(I accomplished the Level 1 Certification in 2013 and I’m now in the course of the Level 2 Certification Master Class).

Most of my work is with skilled and newbie athletes. And my job is to make use of diet (plus energy and conditioning) to get my purchasers the outcomes they need.

When your meal technique may be the distinction between getting a multi-million greenback contract and never, there is no such thing as a room for “hoping” the diet will work.

I can’t go on religion alone. My purchasers’ careers actually rely upon me doing my job nicely. Which is why the scientific technique, not beliefs, govern my observe.

For instance, my shopper Ronda Rousey, a combined martial artists, mannequin, and actress, doesn’t care about what I imagine about meals. She solely cares about what I learn about diet’s impact on her physique and efficiency.

That’s why I want to make sure that my diet suggestions are based mostly on measurable, correct actuality. On science. On the most effective proof that we have now proper now.

And physiology is physiology.

Believing one thing, or wanting it to be true, or feeling it ought to be true doesn’t imply it is true.

Physiology (like chemistry, like physics) follows sure identified ideas.

That’s why we analysis issues like macronutrients, hydration, and/or supplementation. That’s why we attempt to perceive the biochemistry of digestion and metabolism. That’s why we find out about issues like osmotic gradients and the bodily constructions of cells and molecules.

It’s why we ask questions like these:

And we use a specific technique for figuring out the solutions.

These are just some examples, after all. As you’ll be able to think about, scientists have 1000’s of questions on optimum diet, and so they’ve answered some questions extra completely than others.

But, in brief, we’re attempting to know as a lot as attainable in regards to the biochemistry of digestion and metabolism, so we nerd out about issues like osmotic gradients and the bodily constructions of cells and molecules.

Knowing the science behind the sector permits us to make evidence-based suggestions to create a identified physiological impact.

Will honey and cinnamon “rev my metabolism”?

Some individuals imagine this (or need others to imagine it).

But no person is aware of.

Will creatine monohydrate enhance my energy output?

Now we’re speaking.

We know some issues about creatine monohydrate and its impact on the physique, as a result of it’s been scientifically studied.

Creatine monohydrate has a identified chemical construction.

Creatine monohydrate has a identified mechanism of motion. It will increase the phosphocreatine shops in your muscle. This can then be used to supply extra ATP (power), which is a key supply of gas for energy, heavy lifting, and anaerobic occasions.

We know this as a result of we have now fastidiously experimented and objectively measured what occurs. We’ve additionally reproduced these findings again and again.

See how that performed out?

One declare is theory based mostly on, maybe (I’m guessing) rumors about blood sugar and metabolism together with just a few research about cinnamon as an antioxidant?

The different is reality based mostly on a documented physiological end result.

The huge downside: Most individuals begin with the web.

Wondering what to place in your smoothie? What to eat earlier than you’re employed out? How a lot bacon it is best to eat?

There are all kinds of solutions on Google, to not point out Facebook and Instagram.

You don’t should look far to find a charismatic particular person with a superb physique and gross sales pitch providing up their very own beliefs as a “protocol” or “system”.

These methods have a tendency to incorporate:

A set of sure meals and/or dietary supplements to eat. (Like acai berries hand-picked at dawn.)

A set of sure meals to keep away from. (Nothing a caveman wouldn’t eat. Nothing that isn’t “natural”. Nothing that’s been bought, purchased or processed.)

Rules about how a lot to eat, when to eat (or not eat), and presumably even the place to eat. (No meals after 6:30 pm!)

If the idea system (or the one that invented it) is compelling or “truthy” sufficient, it may be fairly tempting to imagine them.

After all, many of those “systems” include plenty of causes to imagine, together with:

Irresistible guarantees

Clever branding

Photos, graphics, and different visible “evidence”

Testimonials and/or superstar endorsements

Powerful private tales (“If this guy did it, I can too!”)

Sex enchantment

Scholarly citations pointing to research that transform poorly designed, fatally biased, or not but replicated (an indicator of — you guessed it — precise scientific reality)

Before you recognize it, you’ll be able to’t bear in mind the final time you didn’t put honey and cinnamon in your oatmeal…and yogurt…and tea.

We’re not unhealthy for wishing one thing had been true.

Just like Fox Mulder, typically we wish to imagine.

It’s very human, truly.

Belief methods can convey us consolation. Following a transparent algorithm is usually a enormous reduction to these of us that discover diet complicated or overwhelming.

Belief methods can even make us really feel like we’re a part of one thing: A group that shares our values, aspirations, and needs. We might really feel a way of significance, id, and belonging.

Bonus: We’re nearer to our objectives… collectively!

Not to say, these beliefs often promise the issues we need probably the most, whether or not it’s glowing clear well being, glowing pores and skin, freakishly superior efficiency, the physique we’ve all the time wished, or the entire above.

When we purchase right into a perception system, we’re on the lookout for assist. We wish to make a change, or lastly discover a resolution to an issue that’s bothered us for a very long time.

That’s fully regular and pure.

The individuals who begin or share a perception system aren’t unhealthy, both. Most of them are good, real, optimistic individuals simply attempting to make different individuals’s lives higher.

Again, there’s nothing mistaken with wanting to imagine.

Or wishing some issues had been true.

The downside occurs after we base our personal well being choices on emotional bias or the principles of a sure philosophy… and both ignore what science has to say in regards to the details, or maybe don’t know whether or not such details even exist.

Science is something however easy.

It could be nice if there was a single ingredient to remedy most cancers, or a single train to get you ripped.

But physiology isn’t easy, and neither is science. Especially diet science.

You would possibly be capable to discover a research to assist almost any nutrition-related perception you need. This is particularly true if the research was small, or sponsored by a specific curiosity (like a complement firm).

People who learn analysis perceive this. They perceive the burden that the actual proof holds, and the place it’s positioned within the hierarchy of dietary significance.

But a brand new coach within the business, or a mom seeking to get again in form, or a dude who simply bought a Type 2 diabetes prognosis, might not know the distinction. They might assume that if it was demonstrated in a single research, it’s a reality.

This isn’t how science works, and it’s not how the reality is found.

Did you recognize that consuming alcohol will increase muscle tone?

Don’t imagine me?

Well, think about I’m telling you this whereas shirtless, smiling shiny white tooth, and sporting a six-pack:

“In 2013, a double-blind scientific trial discovered that males elevated testosterone 17% after a low dose of alcohol. In 1987, one other research discovered related testosterone-increasing outcomes. Finally, a 2000 research confirmed that alcohol additionally will increase testosterone ranges in girls.

Understanding that alcohol will increase testosterone, and understanding that as testosterone goes up, so does our muscle mass and energy, I conclude that we should always all get drunk to get jacked! (Results might range.)”

Of course this isn’t true although, proper?

Because that might be ignoring:

Other knowledge that counsel alcohol truly lowers testosterone, and the 2 research that present it has no impact.

Data on how alcohol can hurt our well being and health.

The undeniable fact that alcohol accommodates 7 kcals per gram, which provides up rapidly if you get consuming (particularly for those who add mixes), after which usually will increase urge for food shortly afterwards, which ends up in additional snacking. (Street meat anybody?).

The undeniable fact that I’m all the time totally clothed when telling purchasers stuff.

Instead of choosing only one research, you need to take a look at all research on that matter to see the place the general weight of the proof lies.

But let’s get actual.

People are busy.

Health and health purchasers don’t often have the time, the expertise, nor the curiosity to pore over analysis. They have jobs and lives.

So it may be straightforward to fall into the lure of taking one or two research as gospel — particularly if these outcomes are delivered to you by a charismatic speaker with an excellent physique. Enter my new complement: Buff Booze!

What’s the hurt in believing?

In the Precision Nutrition’s Certification packages, they speak about scope of observe. It’s essential for well being and health professionals to:

Know what they know, and what they don’t know.

In different phrases, to make acceptable, evidence-based suggestions about diet, it’s not sufficient to easily:

Have made an enormous change to your individual physique (similar to shedding pounds, or succeeding at a brand new sport).

Have a stack of well being and health magazines on the again of the bathroom.

These are an effective way to start. I didn’t know stuff after I was new to the sector, both. That’s why we be taught and observe… and observe and be taught… after which observe and be taught some extra.

But leaning on these strategies of “research” — aka believing as an alternative of understanding — may be harmful.

There’s an previous saying:

You know simply sufficient to be harmful.

For starters, beliefs with out proof may cause bodily hurt.

Nutrition can have an effect on the human physique’s methods dramatically — that’s the wonderful energy and alternative, and it’s why we coaches love this discipline.

The draw back is that doing the mistaken issues can change our our bodies in methods we don’t need.

Back within the mid-to-late 1800s, a person named Wilbur Atwater had a Ph.D. from Yale in agricultural chemistry.

He measured the energy and macronutrients in lots of of meals to finally come to the conclusion that the one two parts that people wanted to be involved with when creating their eating regimen had been:

protein, and

complete energy.

He wrote newspaper columns, lectured, and instructed anybody who would pay attention about his beliefs. He really believed that this was the answer to human diet and even poverty.

He was a well-respected scientist doing actual analysis in a lab. Yet he didn’t have all of the data he wanted to make the fitting suggestions.

Instead, he instructed everybody to eat fewer greens (as a result of they had been low calorie and low protein), whereas consuming extra fatty pork.

A little bit data is usually a harmful factor, can’t it?

Atwater’s eating regimen eliminates:

Thanks to analysis, we now know that each one of those play their very own distinctive function in well being. Cutting out all of those vitamins is downright harmful.

Now, that is an excessive instance, maybe.

But among the hottest belief-based diets in the present day have adherents alter their diet selections in unusual and/or misguided methods. They:

Completely surrender grains, beans, and legumes

Swear off all fats

Eat solely uncooked meals

Base their consumption on a single meals (e.g. grapefruit, cabbage)

Eschew stable meals

Only drink “detoxing” juices

Hold their every day calorie consumption to some “magic” quantity, like 600

Replace all carbs with bacon

These diets both selectively use analysis (for example, a research in rats exhibiting that grape juice prevents tumors — time for the magic anti-cancer grape juice eating regimen!) or get caught on small particulars whereas lacking the large image.

Also, beliefs with out proof can stop the well being and health business from making progress.

Most individuals working as well being and health professionals selected this business to assist individuals change their lives for the higher.

Confusing the crap out of ourselves (and purchasers) with these bizarre belief-based “systems” doesn’t assist that objective.

When we select perception over reality, we don’t simply maintain ourselves, and our purchasers, again. We maintain the whole business again.

Let’s decide to bettering everybody’s diet data.

Our collective job as coaches is to create the healthiest and happiest individuals on the planet.

How can we do this?

Treating diet as a science, as an alternative of a perception system, is a robust step in the fitting route.

As is consistently pushing to enhance our personal data, and pondering critically about our convictions.

Nutrition science is an enormous discipline. We can’t know the whole lot, and definitely not .

But we are able to decide to placing the beliefs away and embracing a lifelong technique of studying, learning, pondering critically, and making use of evidence-based evaluation to each determination and suggestion we make.

What to do subsequent: Some suggestions from Precision Nutrition.

1. Practice having an open but vital mindset.

“Because it worked for me” just isn’t sufficient proof to suggest “it” to a different particular person.

Be curious. Ask questions.

Explore the proof that helps a given place. Be conscious of why diet science is so difficult. Ask for scientific references, after which scrutinize these.

And, by all means, experiment on your self (in Precision Nutrition Coaching, we name this writing your Owner’s Manual).

Try various things. Document the consequences.

Over time, that’s as professional a method of understanding. (Make certain you’re all the time monitoring and revisiting, although — our bodies do change!)

2. Live within the center floor.

Biology not often operates in extremes. Only in very particular contexts (for instance, precise identified Celiac illness) do “always” and “never” have worth.

So be suspicious of “always” or “never” language in diet speak.

Instead, strive “some people” and “sometimes” and “it depends”.

For instance, a coach would possibly insist that the whole lot needs to be “100% natural” or else it’s unhealthy. But simply because one thing has been processed ultimately does all the time not make it inferior.

In some instances, processing can truly enhance the specified impact and/or dietary profile. For instance, in 2011 the Journal of Nutrition printed a report exhibiting that with out dietary supplements or enriched meals:

100% of Americans wouldn’t get sufficient Vitamin D.

93% not sufficient Vitamin E.

88% not sufficient folate.

74% not sufficient Vitamin A.

51% not sufficient thiamin.

46% not sufficient Vitamin C.

22% not sufficient Vitamin B6.

Sure, possibly there’s some “perfect” eating regimen floating round on the market, however for many of us, having just a few fortified meals and even artificial nutritional vitamins within the roster might be a good suggestion. A eating regimen stuffed with processed, fortified meals and artificial nutritional vitamins, not so good.

three. Notice when phrases and ideas set off feelings.

Most belief-based diet methods are couched in advertising that purposely will get you labored up, possibly by poking at your traumas, insecurities, or ego (the present “clean eating” craze is an efficient instance).

Recognize if you really feel “pulled” by a sure concept.

Ask your self, am I contemplating this “system” for the fitting causes? Am I on the lookout for an “easy” resolution as a result of I really feel unhappy/annoyed/misplaced/pressured in the present day?

four. Scrutinize claims which are tied to monetary achieve.

For instance:

“Eat as much as you like and still lose weight!” (An actual-life declare aimed toward promoting a eating regimen guide.)

“Ripped abs in 1 minute!” (Real declare. Workout DVD this time.)

“Control insulin levels, decrease blood sugar, speed metabolism, lower LDL cholesterol, burn belly fat and suppress appetite!” (Real claims from the makers of a cinnamon complement. That’s proper, cinnamon.)

In my teen years, I spent unthinkable portions of my hard-earned McDonald’s cash on ineffective testosterone boosters and nitric oxide merchandise.

Trust me bro, I used to be getting “jacked”.

In this marriage between beliefs and revenue, science didn’t present as much as the ceremony.

5. Be skeptical of one-size-fits-all approaches.

Trying to make use of the very same macronutrient ratio (for instance) serve each human’s wants and objectives is a telltale signal coach wants extra data and/or has an emotional reference to the plan.

Humans are distinctive, advanced methods. They needs to be handled as such.

There is nobody greatest eating regimen. Any plan needs to be a system that’s based mostly on proof, and really displays the shopper’s distinctive life-style, objectives, and wishes.

6. Get certified teaching.

If you don’t really feel assured studying analysis or understanding the science, take into account discovering a Precision Nutrition Certified coach or enrolling within the Certification your self.

Knowledge is energy.

Passionate about health and diet?

If so, and also you’d prefer to be taught extra about it, take into account the Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification. Our subsequent group kicks off shortly.

What’s all of it about?

The Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification is the business’s most revered training program. It offers you the data, methods, and instruments it’s worthwhile to actually perceive how diet influences an individual’s well being and health.

Developed over 15 years, and confirmed with over 100,000 purchasers, the Level 1 curriculum stands alone because the authority on the science of diet and the artwork of teaching.

Whether you’re already mid-career, or simply beginning out, the Level 1 Certification is your springboard to a deeper understanding of diet, the authority to educate it, and the flexibility to show what you recognize into outcomes.

[Of course, for those who’re already a pupil or graduate of the Level 1 Certification, try our Level 2 Certification Master Class. It’s an unique, year-long mentorship designed for elite professionals seeking to grasp the artwork of teaching and be a part of the highest 1% of diet and health professionals on the planet.]

Interested? Add your title to the presale checklist. You’ll save as much as 30% and safe your spot 24 hours earlier than everybody else.

We’ll be opening up spots in our subsequent Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification on Wednesday, April eighth, 2020.

If you wish to discover out extra, we’ve arrange the next presale checklist, which supplies you two benefits.

Pay lower than everybody else. We prefer to reward people who find themselves keen to spice up their credentials and are able to decide to getting the training they want. So we’re providing a reduction of as much as 30% off the final worth if you join the presale checklist.

Sign up 24 hours earlier than most people and improve your probabilities of getting a spot. We solely open the certification program twice per yr. Due to excessive demand, spots in this system are restricted and have traditionally bought out in a matter of hours. But if you join the presale checklist, we’ll provide the alternative to register a full 24 hours earlier than anybody else.

If you’re prepared to spice up your training, and take your diet sport to the subsequent degree, let’s go down the rabbit gap collectively.

References

Click right here to view the knowledge sources referenced on this article.

Ahtiainen, J P, et al. “Muscle Hypertrophy, Hormonal Adaptations and Strength Development during Strength Training in Strength-Trained and Untrained Men.” European Journal of Applied Physiology., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 7 May 2003

Baliunas, D O, et al. “Alcohol as a Risk Factor for Type 2 Diabetes: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.” Diabetes Care., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 Nov. 2009

Barnes, M J, et al. “The Effects of Acute Alcohol Consumption on Recovery from a Simulated Rugby Match.” Journal of Sports Sciences., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 15 Dec. 2011

Bhasin, Shalender, et al. “Testosterone Dose-Response Relationships in Healthy Young Men.”American Journal of Physiology – Endocrinology and Metabolism, American Physiological Society, 1 Dec. 2001

Bhatty, M, et al. “Alcohol Abuse and Streptococcus Pneumoniae Infections: Consideration of Virulence Factors and Impaired Immune Responses.” Alcohol (Fayetteville, N.Y.)., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 Sept. 2011

Branch, J D. “Effect of Creatine Supplementation on Body Composition and Performance: a Meta-Analysis.” International Journal of Sport Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 13 June 2003.

Koziris, L P, et al. “Effect of Acute Post-exercise Ethanol Intoxication on the Neuroendocrine Response to Resistance Exercise.” Journal of Applied Physiology (Bethesda, Md. : 1985)., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 Jan. 2000

Mendelson, J H, et al. “Effects of Acute Alcohol Intake on Pituitary-Gonadal Hormones in Normal Human Males.” The Journal of Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 Sept. 1977

Phipps, W R, et al. “Acute Ethanol Administration Enhances Plasma Testosterone Levels Following Gonadotropin Stimulation in Men.” Psychoneuroendocrinology., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 2 June 1987

Sarkola, T, and C J Eriksson. “Testosterone Increases in Men after a Low Dose of Alcohol.” Alcoholism, Clinical and Experimental Research., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 27 Apr. 2003

Sarkola, T, et al. “Acute Effect of Alcohol on Androgens in Premenopausal Women.” Alcohol and Alcoholism (Oxford, Oxfordshire)., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 22 Jan. 2000

Sierksma, A, et al. “Effect of Moderate Alcohol Consumption on Plasma Dehydroepiandrosterone Sulfate, Testosterone, and Estradiol Levels in Middle-Aged Men and Postmenopausal Women: A Diet-Controlled Intervention Study.” Alcoholism, Clinical and Experimental Research., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 7 Jan. 2004

Sowers, MF., et al. “Testosterone Concentrations in Women Aged 25–50 Years.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 1 Feb. 2001

Turati, F, et al. “Alcohol and Liver Cancer: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Prospective Studies.” Annals of Oncology: Official Journal of the European Society for Medical Oncology., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 14 Mar. 2014

Välimäki, M J, et al. “Sex Hormones and Adrenocortical Steroids in Men Acutely Intoxicated with Ethanol.” Alcohol (Fayetteville, N.Y.)., U.S. National Library of Medicine, Jan. 1984

Ylikahri, R. M. “Low Plasma Testosterone Values in Men during Hangover.” Low Plasma Testosterone Values in Men throughout Hangover, Journal of Steroid Biochemistry, 12 Dec. 2002

The post Nutrition just isn’t a perception system. Why wishful pondering will not get you outcomes, however science would possibly. appeared first on Weight Loss Fitness.

from Weight Loss Fitness https://weightlossfitnesss.info/nutrition-just-isnt-a-perception-system-why-wishful-pondering-will-not-get-you-outcomes-however-science-would-possibly/

[simonmeadows]

CHARACTER CHART:

Character’s full name: Simon Benjamin Meadows Reason or meaning of name: The name has greek/Hebrew roots and basically means “He (God) has heard”. In his case, however, the name came from his deceased Grandfather. Character’s nickname: No known nicknames have been given to this date. Reason for nickname: Birth date: 20th April, 1990

PSYCHICAL APPEARANCE: 

Age: 29 How old does he/she appear: Depends on whether he shaves or not, but around 26-28 Weight: - (i never bother with this part sorry) Height: 6′2 Body build: Broad shoulders, look far more fit/athletic than he is. Shape of face: Soft, oval/round Eye color: Blue Glasses or contacts: None Skin tone: Caucasian Distinguishing marks: Light freckles Predominant features: His eyes, he has a unqiue shape along with his eyebrows. Hair color: Dirty blond Type of hair: Flat Hairstyle: Short, messy  Voice: Garrett’s own (bc unf) Overall attractiveness: This would be biased to answer so I’ll let you rate him on your own. Physical disabilities: None, atm ;) Usual fashion of dress: Casual, t-shirts/sweatshirts and whatever pants he can find clean. Favorite outfit: Simple one colored t-shirt, jacket and dark colored jeans. Jewelry or accessories: None

PERSONALITY:

Good personality traits: Helpful, open-minded, supportive Bad personality traits: Unlucky, paranoid, prideful Mood character is most often in: Mostly helpful and chatty, a little tired at his worst. Sense of humor: Dark, ironic and sarcastic Character’s greatest joy in life: His daughter Character’s greatest fear: Losing the little he has/not being enough Why?: Due to his parents' constant habit of ripping everything he cares about and for out of his hands and because of emotional/mental abuse. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?: Losing his stability, mostly Hayley. Character is most at ease when: He’s home or out doing things with the people he loves and cares for. Most ill at ease when: Stuck with his parents, especially his father. Enraged when: Something unfair happens to him, Hayley or a close friend of his; or when his father starts to demand impossible tasks out of him/demand too much. Depressed or sad when: He’s tired/had a fight with someone. Priorities: Hayley Life philosophy: He doesn’t have one. If granted one wish, it would be: To cut off contact with his parents and gain full custody of Hayley.  Why?: Because it would remove at least 70% of his overall stress and pressure.  Character’s soft spot: Children, cooking  Is this soft spot obvious to others?: Children are, cooking not so much as it’s a new hobby he picked up after Hayley’s birth. Slowly building his skills!  Greatest strength: His ability to get back up after a harsh experience. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Is easily stressed out, panics when it gets too much and his daughter, of course. Biggest regret: His teenage years. He was quite an asshole during high school.  Minor regret: Not trying harder during high school. Biggest accomplishment: Finding a form of stability for himself. Minor accomplishment: Actually graduating from the University with a degree. Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: His criminal records and dyslexia.  Why?: Hm, wonder. he has a pretty heavy stigma around his dyslexia as well. Doesn’t want to acknowledge it.  Character’s darkest secret: His actual relationship with his parents. Unless you’re involved with them/know about their closed-door behaviors he’s not gonna breathe a word about it. Does anyone else know?: His aunt and cousins + old babysitters/employees.

GOALS:

Drives and motivations: Making sure Hayley has a stable childhood. Immediate goals: Get better at cooking, learn some further life skills!  Long term goals: Same as drive!  How the character plans to accomplish these goals: By powering on and becoming a better parent. Keeping Hayley away from her mom and his parents is another.  How other characters will be affected: Thus far, no one beyond Simon and Hayley. 

PAST:

Hometown: Montréal, Canada Type of childhood: Wild/Unstable Pets: None First memory: Often recalls himself playing in the backyard of their mansion, digging around in the dirt and pulling up plants, much to the gardener’s disliking. Most important childhood memory: "I think that would have to be my first Christmas at Merveille Hotel. I was six and my parents had decided to go out of town for the weekend so I was stuck with the staff during the day. Yes, my parents paid someone from the staff to babysit me whenever they left, always someone who wanted to spend two days in a big house and make a quick buck. Anyway, Christmas at that place is just… amazing. Lights everywhere, people who are dressed up to entertain kids, live shows, candy and food in masses and it’s basically heaven for a six-year-old. I spent the day following my babysitter around and her family came by during dinner and we sat together around the main family table – I remember everyone laughed, awe:ed at the live music and I ate so much I didn’t even own the will to drag myself home. Sadly enough she quit her job only a few months after that… but I still appreciate that she had the heart to treat me like a person. I’ve always lived to give Hayley that same feeling whenever a holiday comes around.” Why: It reminded him of everything he wanted to have and it’s the feeling he often lean on during his own parenthood journey as he wanted Hayley to have the same reasons to smile and feel at home. Childhood hero: The typical 80′s - 90′s action heroes. Dream job: None, wasn’t allowed to have one. Education: Has a business degree. Religion: Atheist Finances: Wealthy

PRESENT:

Current location: Perfection Valley, Nevada Currently living with: His daughter Pets: None (but Hayley always ends up with a cat named Thomas omg) Religion: Atheist, but wouldn’t mind discussing religion if it happens with the right person Occupation: Waiter at Saloon Finances: Lower to middle class

FAMILY:

Mother: Patricia Meadows Relationship with her: Bad, if she’s drunk she can’t even remember his name. Father: Benjamin Meadows Relationship with him: Bad, strict. Siblings: None Relationship with them: Spouse: None.  Relationship with him/her: Children: Hayley Meadows Relationship with them: Close, not about to change. Other important family members: His aunt, two cousins

FAVORITES:

Color: Yellow or green Least favorite color: Pink Music: Rock and electro Food: Hamburgers Literature: HAH. (Has literally never finished a book) Form of entertainment: Social activities Mode of transportation: Car or by foot Most prized possession: Besides a few pictures Hayley’s made, most of his possessions are fairly new.

HABITS:

Hobbies: Cooking Plays a musical instrument?: No Plays a sport?: Used to play basketball How he/she would spend a rainy day: Watch a movie with Hayley, play around with some new recipe he’s found. Might even take Hayley outside if the rain isn’t too rough.  Spending habits: Slim, he has learned to value money quite a lot. Smokes: No Drinks: Recently started again Other drugs: No What does he/she do too much of?: Worry What does he/she do too little of?: Make choices of his own Extremely skilled at: Nothing, he hasn’t been allowed to really discover anything to such a degree. But he has things he’s slowly working up his skills with. Extremely unskilled at: Math, processing information, focusing on too many things at once. Nervous tics: Avoids eye contact, laughs Usual body posture: Straight, feels confident and open.  Peculiarities: None

TRAITS:

Optimist or pessimist?: Tries to be an optimist Introvert or extrovert?: Extrovert Daredevil or cautious?: Used to be a daredevil, is now something in between. Logical or emotional?: Also in the middle, depends on why or what Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?: Very messy Prefers working or relaxing?: Both! As long as the work is right. Confident or unsure of himself/herself?: Acts confident, is unsure. Animal lover?: Not quite. Scared of dogs. 

SELF-PERCEPTION:

How he/she feels about himself/herself: Due to abuse, Simon doesn’t value himself highly. He’s not proud of the person he used to be and often thinks people can spend their time more wisely than with him. One word the character would use to describe self: Stupid One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: Simon would describe himself as unstable, but reliable to those who matter to him. Insecure, but confident enough to establish his part in this world as a hardworking father. He wouldn’t call himself bright, but he’d tell you that he tries – even if it might not always be enough. He’s a man constantly learning from past mistakes and someone ready to fight for a better future. What does the character consider his/her best personality trait?: His newfound compassion What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait?: His paranoia What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic?: His face, it has gotten him far What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic?: Nothing, really, he’s actually pretty confident when it comes to his looks. How does the character think others perceive him/her: Outgoing, positive and helpful What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: His attitude against himself

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS:

Opinion of other people in general: They’re fine, often fun to be around. Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others?: Opinions, no, emotions, yes. Person character most hates: His parents Best friend(s): Audrey Wright Love interest(s): None atm Person character goes to for advice: Audrey Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Hayley Person character feels shy or awkward around: None atm Person character openly admires: People with a good spirit, those that mean well and care for others. Person character secretly admires: People who seem to have their lives together Most important person in character’s life before story starts: His cousins, they’ve always been pretty tight and it was a welcomed break whenever they came to visit.  After story starts: Hayley, Audrey (maybe some more later on!)

[ruminativerabbi]

At Year’s End

I’ll be away next week, so this will be my last letter of 2018 to all of you, my faithful readers for all these many years. (For the record, this is my 442nd letter since I began writing them in 2007.  So those of you who have been reading along for all these years probably know me better than I sometimes think I know myself.) As regular readers know, I often like to riff off of recently published essays elsewhere. And so, for this final letter of a soon-to-be-gone secular year, I’d like to respond to an essay that appeared in the Sunday Review section of last Sunday’s New York Times. The piece, written by a Laura Turner (whom the Times vaguely identifies solely as “a writer”), was basically written to set forth the triple thesis that, to quote the author, you can’t go to church on your phone, internet church is not real church, and you cannot be part of an actual community by putting yourself in the company solely of virtual people.

It’s not that hard to see how we’ve come to a point at which such an essay sounds like a measured, thoughtful response to a phenomenon of modern life and not like the premise of a wacky science fiction novel.

I myself am a good example. I hardly ever go to the post office, because I conduct more or less all my correspondence by email. I rarely go to the bank because I pay all my bills electronically and deposit any actual paper checks I receive through my phone. (I can, however, also remember when that last part really would have sounded like science fiction.) Even though there are any number of large department stores within a fifteen minute drive of my home, I buy most of what I purchase online. All of these would once have been opportunities for interaction with other human beings, with neighbors and strangers, with people I might over years have come to think of as friends…or at least as familiar faces. There was some degree of pleasure in those encounters, even in the fleeting ones, but each has now been replaced by a streamlined process that permits me to accomplish wholly on my own what would once have required at least some actual contact with other people. Efficiency is a good thing, obviously. But there is a point of diminishing returns as well: it’s a lonely world we’ve constructed for ourselves, this ultra-efficient digital age in which it feels necessary to justify taking the time to do even something as inconsequential as buying a pair of socks when you can accomplish the exact same thing—and probably for less money—without even standing up from your computer, let alone getting in your car and driving somewhere.

So Laura Turner’s essay is addressing what really is just the next step in an already ongoing progression of societal innovations that purport to improve life by making some specific task doable without lifting your hands from the keyboard: the invention of the virtual congregation able to provide the succor and support of affiliation without imposing the tedious necessity on the would-be congregant of actually leaving home and sallying forth into the world, much less having to encounter actual people on a spiritual journey that, at least in a certain rarified sense, must be taken alone anyway.

But there’s alone all by yourself and there’s alone in the company of likeminded others. And Jewish legal tradition—which certainly acknowledges the intensely personal nature of prayer—is also very clear about the importance of communal prayer being undertaken within the bosom of an actual community. Indeed, our traditional texts go so far as to discuss—and entirely seriously—if a minyan of ten can be duly constituted of nine people well inside a room and a tenth merely standing in the doorway, or of nine people in a room and a tenth standing outside the building but looking in through an open window. As usual in cases like this, the exceptions prove the rule: our classical texts permit the three needed to recite the formal introduction to the Grace after Meals merely to be within eyeshot of each other and specifically not to have to be in the same room, but that is because, in the end, there is not imagined to be any enhancement for the individual in the spiritual experience of being part of the requisite three (called a zimmun). And, indeed, when we move up from the basic introduction liturgy to the slightly expanded version solely recited in the presence of ten, however, then mere visual contact is specifically deemed not enough and the ten have actually to be in the same room, in the same space.

There is some rational wiggle-room provided in the sources. Once the quorum is achieved, then even individuals who may not be counted in the quorum because they are not physically present may be permitted to respond when the liturgy requires a response. (For a detailed exposition of the whole issue—and the full range of halakhic options and possibilities—written by my colleague and my friend of forty-plus years, Rabbi Avram Israel Reisner of Baltimore, click here.) And there is a whole interesting Pesach-related dimension to the discussion because the Torah’s original framework for requiring that worship take place in a single “place” has to do, not with prayer at all it turns out, but with the ingestion of the paschal lamb on the eve of Passover.

That Pesach angle is more pertinent than it might at first seem in that the whole concept seems to be rooted in the interesting notion that, because the festival exists specifically to commemorate the Israelites’ passage from slavery to freedom, the formal ingestion of the paschal sacrifice can only take place in the context of community because true freedom can only be attained in the context of community, of people occupying the same space, breathing the same air, making room for each other in their personal ambits and responding not to each other’s voice or image but to each other’s actual presence. If a tree falls in a forest where there is no one to hear it crash to the earth, there is no real sound produced. Whether that’s really true, who knows? (My physics teacher in eleventh grade said it was and she seemed pretty sure she was right.) But what’s indubitably true is the corollary idea relating to community: if we grow freely to the fullest flower of our personhood without the presence of others to note our growth, to evaluate it, and to respond to it, there is no real growth at all…only the self-generated illusion of spiritual, emotional, or intellectual progress.

But that notion—that true personal freedom does not derive from the unfettered ability to act as one pleases but rather in the cohesive sense of belonging that comes from participation in the group, in a minyan, in a community of supportive friends, in society itself—that notion feels slightly out of step with our American ideal of the self-reliant individual who stands on his or her own two feet, who specifically does not need input from others to know where he or she stands, and whose rugged individualism is the human face of the Constitution’s ideal of the natural right of people to exist according to their own lights and without reference to the opinions or prejudices of others. Ralph Waldo Emerson, the greatest of all American essayists and nineteenth century thinkers, wrote about this stirringly and very convincingly in his essay, “Self-Reliance,” which I have read many, many times over the years. And so I, so filled with the greatest respect for Emerson and his philosophy of life, could easily find myself on the horns of a serious dilemma, part of me standing with Emerson and seeing community as, at best, the platform upon which individuals stands as they grow towards freedom, and the other part of me understanding community not as the platform on which free individuals stand but as the context that grants them their freedom. But that dilemma does not really exist.

For millennia, the opposite of freedom was slavery. That was Emerson’s world, and his essay reflects that fact. (“Self-Reliance” was written in 1841.) But that was then and today the opposite of freedom for most moderns is loneliness, not chattel slavery. And that is why Laura Turner’s op-ed piece was entirely correct: because no one, not even the super-digitized hipster who wouldn’t dream of setting foot in a bank or a post office, becomes less lonely other than by being in the presence of other flesh-and-blood people. Looking at images on a screen cannot provide the succor of presence any more than looking at pictures of food can provide nourishment. And there is no greater barrier to spiritual progress than the sense of aloneness that leads to alienation from society, disaffection with one’s neighbors, and creeping estrangement from God. I think I know enough of Emerson to risk saying that I think he would agree wholeheartedly if he knew enough of our world to form an opinion.

As 2018 draws to a close, I think of the way my community comes together when someone suffers a loss and how remarkable the shiva experience is precisely because of the remarkable level of inner-communal support we are able to provide because so many are so eager to help. I think of my own brief hospitalization a few weeks ago and how many people—more than I could keep track of—texted me and left me emails and voice mails, each trying to provide from afar some of that sense of communal support that each understood to be requisite to the healing process. And I think of what it means to so many of us to be growing older in the context of a rich, caring community of friends ready to reach out and shore us up when we start to list to one side or the other, or when we suddenly feel ourselves to be on shaky ground, or when we momentarily lose our self-confidence and fall prey to the fears we mostly manage to keep at bay. It’s a blessing, being part of any community…but my special blessing is to be part of ours. The Marlboro man may exemplify the individualist who can ride off on his own into the next chapter of his life because he serves as his own universe of discourse, as his own arbiter of taste and style, as his own judge and his own jury. But for me, life is with people…and it is involvement with others that sets me free, that makes me free…and that enables me to live free in a world of people trying to go to church on their phones and uncertain why it never feels quite right.