#not that i assume anyone is enjoying this extreme self indulgence more than i am sdklfjlkjglkj | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

annie-blackhill · 7 months

Text

People Watching

Hobie Brown x reader (no use of Y/N)

A/N: Very self-indulgent, I'm just writing this for funsies. Also a lousy try at Hobie's cockney accent lesgooo! This is also my first Hobie Brown fic damn!

You were used to being the third wheel whenever you went on outings with your best friend and her boyfriend. You didn't have many friends. When you had entered university, you had expected to at least gain more friends and start enjoying life more instead of being as introverted as you used to be in high school. But it was all the same, you only had your best friend since childhood as always.

You were used to being the only one attending parties and meet-ups alone. You didn't mind, since you believed that it was better to not love at all if you were just going to end up dating or loving the wrong person.

Maybe your issues with love was caused by something even more deeper, something that latched onto your soul and ate away at yourself. Maybe it was how parents had seemed so in love and ended up breaking apart anyway. Maybe it was how you had witnessed the people around you fall in and out of love so easily, as if the emotion itself was just something extremely fickle. Maybe it was how your best friend had fallen in love so many times with the wrong people and gotten herself hurt or hurt someone else countless times.

Love was a confusing emotion. You can feel it seep deep into your bones and heart as it lays there while it spreads its warmth throughout your entire body. Love can also cut deeper than other emotions. Ironic it is how the emotion that can bring immeasurable joy also causes just as much pain.

It had been a normal party, it was supposed to be a normal outing where you would third-wheel your best friend and her boyfriend again, as usual. But this time, her boyfriend had brought his own best friend.

Hobie Brown was tall, very tall. He was lean and good-looking. It was almost unbelievable how he was also single and being a fourth wheel.

"Oy, get a room you two!" Hobie yelled at your best friend's boyfriend and was flipped off by the other.

Hobie and you decided to stay by the drinks table, the two of you weren't familiar with anyone else at the party save for the couple that had dragged the both of you here.

You observed Hobie out of the side of your eye. Hobie was obviously a punk, his clothing was loud and interesting, it piqued your curiosity. He had tattoos and a piercings. The more you looked at Hobie, you couldn't help but wonder how he was single.

"Ya should snap a pic, dove, it'll last ya longer," Hobie teased, he had noticed that you had been observing him for a while now.

You shrugged off his comment with a chuckle as you turned to face him fully, "Are you really single? Can't seem to believe that someone like yourself would be single."

"Aye, love, am just people-watchin' until I find my one, ya get it?" Hobie replied with a chuckle, you noticed that he was obviously amused by your question.

That caught you off guard. It was rare for you to find someone else that was like you, someone who was just waiting for their one person, while they watched others fall in and out of love.

You took a sip of your drink, non-alcoholic since you were tasked with driving, "Didn't expect that answer, honestly."

"What, ya expected me to be a playboy or somethin', doll?" Hobie joked, drinking his own non-alcoholic beverage.

You chuckled to yourself, confirming Hobie's suspicions, "I'm sorry for assuming, Hobie."

"Nah, yer fine, I've got worse assumptions. Must be mah killer looks, eh? Got you thinkin' I date all the girls I get?" Hobie joked, grinning and laughing.

As the night dragged on, you found that Hobie was really easy to talk to. He was funny and sweet. He never jumped to conclusions recklessly. He listened to you with so much curiosity and even encouraged you to continue talking when you felt like you had been rambling for too long. It was nice. You felt seen and heard. It was rare for you to feel like that with anyone these days.

"I gotta ask though, dove. Why's a nice one like you single?" Hobie had tilted his head to the side as he asked and you couldn't help but compare the sight to that of a cat.

"I'm just waiting for my one, too," you replied with a longing smile as you looked out at the crowd of couples.

Hobie looked in the same direction as you before he glanced back at you. He understood how you felt, he understood the loneliness that came from looking at couples in love.

Hobie seemed to be lost in thought for a moment before he handed his phone to you, the add contact screen was displayed.

"You want my number?" you asked, confused. It was unbelievably rare for your number to get asked by anyone, may it be a potential friend or lover.

"Yeah, dove. You're fun and I wouldn't mind hanging out with you, again," Hobie shrugged.

You smiled as you took his phone from him. You added your number to his contacts and Hobie's face lit up like a child on Christmas, it was a cute sight that made you giggle.

"It'll be a fair exchange if you gave me your number too, you know?" you joked playfully as you handed your phone to Hobie for him to add his number to your contacts.

Hobie was eager to give you his number, it seemed, with the way he took your phone with an excited smile and added his number to your contacts in under a few seconds.

As you checked over his contact info, you couldn't help but notice the contact name: Hobie <333. The contact name made you smile and giggle even, Hobie was really cute despite his rough exterior.

"Ey, dove, look 'ere," Hobie called for your attention as he showed you the name that he had saved your contact info.

Hobie had added hearts behind your name as well. He truly was really endearing.

As the night dragged on and you enjoyed Hobie's company as the two of you shared smiles and laughs, you couldn't help but think: Maybe I wouldn't need to live vicariously anymore. Maybe there's no need for people-watching anymore.

______________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for reading! I might write a part two if anyone is interested in this. This was just a fun idea that has been sitting in my mind for some time now. Hope you enjoyed! <333

This wasn't beta read by the way, so please tell me if there were any errors.

Please repost to support!

37 notes · View notes

softrozene · 3 years

Text

Reacting to Reader’s Braces Headcanons

I took a break from my event to create this extremely self-indulgent and rushed headcanons since I finally got my braces off! I have a very strong dislike for my retainer now but it will grow on me :’) Anyway this is comfort for me since my mouth is in pain lol.

One Piece Characters Reacting to Reader getting braces vs. getting them off!

One Piece Characters x Reader (Gender-Neutral/Nonbinary)

*I just did the Straw Hats, Law, Marco, Ace, and Thatch for this! (I did not add Jinbei as a straw hat since I am still not all the way caught up)

Warnings: This is long, Fluff- The characters reacting can be considered platonic/romantic- I will have any romantic (kissing) headcanons in bold. Except Chopper. He is strictly platonic because he is baby.

This is their normal One Piece world since I was a bit curious how they would react since I imagine that if there are dentists/orthodontists in their world it would be rare or only in like huge cities like Water 7.

FLAKSDSA Honestly just imagine Reader leaves the crew once in a while to go get their adjustments done or something lmfao. We ignore logic for this one. Only care about the reactions XD

Words: 2,343

Monkey D. Luffy:

When he firsts sees the metal in your mouth he is curious!

He will be in utter awe or laugh if he thinks they look funny (which of course makes Reader’s confidence plummet lol unless you laugh with him)

May call you a robot

He wants to know why they are shaped around your teeth- It is not like the gold or silver teeth that other pirates have that accompany missing teeth

This is weird for him since your teeth seem to be trying to look straight?

When you explain the reasoning of braces to him he is even more puzzled but excited for you!

He is not sure you really need them since he likes your smile regardless but he is happy if you are happy!

As for when you get them off- He is in awe that the braces did their job! And now you get to wear this weird plastic thing in your mouth

How the heck did you even get it in there?

He has no clue what a dentist/orthodontist is so he will just call them mouth doctor and think Chopper is the one helping you lol

Kissing with them on is also a weird experience for him! (I really hate to say it but he will love if you do not clean them very well. It makes him surprised but happy if he tastes food on them alfdjaslkf I HATE THIS lol)

He likes the way the metal feels when he explores your mouth but hopefully he is not a harsh kisser- You fear something will break if he really wanted to flakdfa

When you get your braces off he is in even more shock! That is so cool! Your smile is straight now! But now you got this weird plastic thing in your mouth... He does not mind he is just forgets you wear it since it is clear!

Luffy honestly does not care what you look like smile wise from before or after. He has no preference. He only cares that you are happy with your smile!

Roronoa Zoro:

“What the hell is in your mouth?”

THIS MAN BATHES ONCE A WEEK SO I WOULD ASSUME THAT IS THE SAME WITH HIS DENTAL HYGIENE?! I really hope not. I hope he cares for his mouth and will pretend he does now falksdfja

Anyway, he sees the metal and he is confused but once you explain it, he really does not care anymore

“Oh, cool, I guess.”

If you are partners though- He will be intrigued how kissing you would be. He takes the chance and decides it is an experience for sure tasting the metal in your mouth. (May remind of blood so he pretty cool with it alfdjalk)

Speaking of blood- If something ends up poking him or cutting him... He will enjoy it to the max tbh however if it is you that is hurt he will cease all kissing and only go for pecks until later

When you get them off I think he would miss tasting the metal

When you get your braces off he does not notice at first... It takes a few smiles before he goes... “Wait a minute...”

Then it hits him!

He will smile and be happy if he notices that being braceless brings you confidence with your new smile!

Nami:

SHE NOTICES THEM IMMEDIATELY AND SHE LIKES THEM

Nami is huge on hygiene so I think she would love to know more about dental hygiene and the concept of braces

She is understanding with your diet restrictions and will scold anyone who gives you weird looks or tries to get you to eat something you should not

She is your go-to for this since she also wants to see the end result as perfect

She is tad worried in the kissing department- Not wanting to mess your braces up since she knows how much effort goes into them but she also worried about her safety and if a wire or lose bracket will poke her or worse you. So she sticks to gentle kisses until they are off

She actually goes with you to your orthodontist to see how they take them off and to be there for you

She is happy with and for you upon seeing the end result!

and now her kisses can be harder >///<

Usopp:

As a tinkerer he will notice and also be intrigued. He has never seen braces (like Luffy and Zoro) and has never heard of them

He asks so many questions

Luffy, Zoro, and him are the ones who forget your diet restrictions which causes much irritation on your side. You will constantly glare at them for offering foods or drinks you can’t have

Usopp will eventually start remembering and be considerate on your behalf

When he kisses you he is soft and gentle- Not wanting to hurt you or himself. If he tastes blood he will pass out in fear just because he will blame himself and think he hurt you. He is too sweet :’)

As soon as your braces are off he will ask SO MANY QUESTIONS about the retainer like how was it made and such? Does it feel weird?

He is just so intrigued by it and of course- It makes you smile even more.

Sanji:

Tbh I feel like he would have had them as a kid or wanted them if his dad cared enough aldfjakl

Also notices them immediately

He will actually cater to your diet needs/restrictions because he knows how much they mean to you if you are going through such a time consuming thing to get your teeth fixed

Besides that he is just a friend you can go to if you are in mouth pain- He will make something soft for you every time you go for an adjustment or tea to help sooth your mouth

If you are kissing on the other hand- If homeboy does not pass out first he will be so gentle. He is terrified of hurting you or making you uncomfortable with your braces on (and lowkey is the same way even if you get them off- You will have to be the one to make the first move)

When you get them off- It is a food celebration! Whatever you missed eating or that you could not eat he will make it all for you!

He does notice if you are smile more and if you are more confident with your new smile! : )

Tony Tony Chopper:

HE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND DURING YOUR BRACES TIME.

He will constantly worry about any mouth pains and since he is a doctor is intrigued how someone labeled as a doctor for teeth does their jobs

He will asks questions constantly and write about your journey with this

10/10 cutie and best buddy for this

Make sure he is stocked on simple pain meds for you

Nico Robin:

She notices them but does not say anything or ask questions unless you want to talk about

She is sweet and looks out for you

Makes sure Sanji helps with your diet restrictions

Besides that she does not notice much or ask much

She is just happy that you are doing this for yourself

Her kisses concerning this are always gentle. She refuses to risk anything with you until after your braces are gone. Only then will she let herself become more heated with kisses.

After your braces she will always compliment your smile (and tell you it was beautiful before too but notes how confident you are)

Cyborg Franky:

“WHOA THAT IS SUPPPPPERRRR!”

He likes them.

That is all.

Okay but seriously. As a man who completely turned himself into a machine in the front he has mad respect for you for putting metal in your mouth. Like that concept is wild to him since the mouth is so sensitive (yet he also can blow flames out his mouth due to working on it aldfjal)

He will refuse to kiss you since he knows how is strength and hard kisses can damage your brackets/wires so he refuses anything until after they are safely off.

Besides that after your braces are off and you have your retainer on (He honestly didn’t notice the retainer lol) He will go “You have a SUPERRRR smile!”

Brook:

Brook honestly does notice them at first but he does not say anything until you do

Cue his jokes: “I NOTICE THE METAL IN YOUR TEETH WITH MY EYES BUT WAIT I DO NOT HAVE ANY EYES YOHOHOHO”

Besides that he is not that interested in them

For kissing though he also refuses to do so since he is straight up a skeleton. He does not want to risk his bone breaking ANYTHING. Though he will peck your cheek. Even after you get them off he is hesitant since he is a skeleton- That does not mean he will not try. If you ask he will get flustered and be gentle for you

When you get your braces off- Brook may tease you and say your teeth are almost as straight as his! And remind you constantly that he is a skeleton adlfjakl

Trafalgar Law:

Is just a king- I should stop all headcanons here alfdkaldks

He knows what braces are and is not that interested in the work only because he prefers his medicinal studies that are more morbid than the mouth

However, he is very observational still and notes how you care for them and what your diet is

For kissing- He acts like he does not care but he is gentle and careful when things gets heated. He is actually a big softie so he will do everything to avoid ruining your braces that would involve a setback.

After you get your braces off he also notices how much more confident you are. How much brighter your smile is because of that

Besides that- He does not make a big deal out of it

Marco the Phoenix:

He and the Whitebeard pirates have been nearly everywhere and met all kinds of people so he is not that surprised when he notices that you have braces

He has seen them before so not a big deal

Much like Law, Marco will not make a big deal out of it

However, if you both are close to each other he may tease you whenever you develop a lisp or when are embarrassed after an adjustment.

Either way he means it with a good heart

God- Kisses with Marco when you have braces are so, so, so, gentle. He is the king of kisses no matter what. He is careful but he sure as hell will not let the metal win when you both get heated. So he knows how to maneuver around your mouth with his tongue >///<

When you get your braces off- It is a celebration with the whole crew. Marco helps plan it and of course takes photos of your smile afterwards since you have every right to be proud of your smile

He will always comment on how your smile is brighter

Portgas D. Ace:

Also with Marco (and Thatch) he is rather used to seeing different kinds of people with different situations so he is not surprised to see metal in your mouth

However when you get close to him he does ask questions and get intrigued

He only teases you when you have some trouble speaking a few words but besides that- He is also respectful and does not think much of the braces

Though since he is one that eats all the time he tries to be considerate for you since he knows that it can be frustrating with your diet restrictions

If you are in a relationship with him he actually is not confident in kissing you with your braces. It is because he cares so much about you and because of his self-loathing- He would HATE if he messed up your braces so he is cautious and tries not to push anything until after you get your braces off

When your braces comes off homeboy is going to dine-and-dash with you EVERYWHERE

Thatch-

Like the other two- Thatch is used to this kind of thing so he is not surprised

Since he is the culinary chef for the Whitebeard Pirates you bet your butt he will have better foods for you to suit your needs

He is also teasing like the others and may take it a far sometimes but he will remind you that you are good with or without braces!

He constantly makes sure you are doing fine though since he is aware of how the other whitebeard pirates may not be as considerate as he is

Kisses with Thatch are gentle but I think if it gets too heated he may forget that he is supposed to be gentle. He definitely ends up tearing up his tongue on the metal if this is the case and he feels bad if you feel bad- If not he will laugh it off and continue if you want

After you get your braces off- He will check with what you want to celebrate! What kind foods you have to eat first and you get the honor of taking the first bite!

OKAY LAST BUT NOT LEAST HERE IS A LIST ON WHO WOULD MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY WEAR YOUR RETAINER :’):

Would forget you you wear a retainer so they would not be helpful as a reminder: Luffy, Zoro, Franky, Brook, Ace

Remembers then forgets after a while: Usopp and Thatch

Makes you wear your retainer as instructed and will give you a death glare (out of love of course) if you are not doing so: Nami, Robin, Sanji, Chopper, and Marco

Will make sure you wear your retainer even though he says he does not care, and will murder your soul if you do not do so (out of love but he will lie about it): Law

454 notes · View notes

belfrygargoyles · 3 years

Note

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

#star wars #x reader #star wars x reader #star wars reader insert #maintagging because for once i actually want ppl to see this #i hope my points are made clearly enough #if something needs clarification you can shoot me a DM or an ask

154 notes · View notes

cosmicjoke · 3 years

Text

Ah, chapters 113 & 114 of AoT, and I’ve only got one thing to say.

Zeke, am I supposed to be feel sorry for the bitch? Well I DON’T.

No, seriously, fuck this guuuuuuuuy, I know I keep saying it again and again, but God damn, if these two chapters didn’t just solidify my hatred for the bastard.

First of all, he is just... the most whiny, delusional, self-pitying pathetic loser, just... he really is. I feel like a character in a Peanuts comic strip every time he opens his mouth. All I hear is “whaa, whaa, whaa”. And his delusions of grandeur would almost be funny if they weren’t so pathetic.

Here’s the thing, alright, and I’m sorry if I’m going to offend any Zeke fans with what I’m about to say, but too bad, I guess.

Everything out of this shitheads mouth is a lie. And just because he’s convinced himself of his own bullshit doesn’t make the lies coming out of his mouth any more true.

He turns Levi’s fellow soldiers into Titans. He does this without remorse. Don’t try to tell me Zeke felt bad about it. He didn’t. You know how I know he didn’t? Because in his private moments in the immediate aftermath, he mocks Levi over having done it, gloating about his supposed master plan of using Levi’s compassion against him and utilizing it to ensure Levi’s own demise. Zeke’s entire attitude here is sickeningly unbothered, unburdened, uncaring, and smug in the EXTREME. He mocks Levi’s compassion, literally makes fun of it and lambasts it as a pathetic sign of weakness when he says “I know you’re a caring leader. Your soldiers haven’t done anything wrong. They’ve just grown a little bigger. You wouldn’t, say, slice them to pieces over that, would you?”. This is Zeke making fun of the fact, finding AMUSEMENT in the fact that he’s just murdered 30 people who have never done a single thing to him, and reveling in what he thinks is a victory that will lead to Levi’s own death, reveling in having taken advantage of and weaponizing a better man’s kindness and compassion. Zeke is ENJOYING this moment. Just like he enjoyed killing all those soldiers in Shinganshina. And then, the kicker, and this is a particular point about Zeke that just makes me absolutely sick, he pretends to himself as if he didn’t want to do it. He PLAYS at his own regret, saying, “I didn’t want do this either,” and yet in the very next breath, continues to treat what he’s done with grotesque flippancy, saying “Still, how sad... There wasn’t even a battle or skirmish.” Gloating over how easily he’s bested Levi and his men, before going on to sink further into his insane delusions of grandeur, blaming their inability to trust one another on Levi’s inability to “understand”. I’m sorry, Zeke, but no. You didn’t even TRY to help Levi understand, too wrapped up in your own egotistical god-complex to consider it a possibility. ‘Oh, only I could possibly understand, along with Eren, the great task we two special beings have been burdened with. He makes assumptions about Levi’s life, about the kinds of things he’s seen and experienced, and convinces himself that they couldn’t be anything like what Zeke has (which, hilariously, is all wrong, since out of everyone, Levi knows better than anyone else in the SC what it’s like to be treated as a second class citizen). Zeke just assumes Levi couldn’t possibly ever grasp the complexities of the outside world, and so that’s why Zeke didn’t even bother trying to talk to him. Blah, blah, blah. No, Zeke, you didn’t share your stupid ass plan because you wanted to continue to feel special, like you’re the chosen one who gets to decide the fate of an entire race of people. The most hilarious part of this entire sequence is when Zeke is thinking Levi couldn’t ever understand the concept of all the world’s militaries bearing down on Paradis at once, and what that means, couldn’t grasp the urgency of the situation, as if ZEKE HIMSELF isn’t completely fucking responsible for that situation in the first place. Zeke literally engineered it. He created the problem, and now wants to position himself as the savior. He’s just such a loser man. The God damned definition.

And as if all of that wasn’t bad enough, when it turns out Zeke’s plan to take Levi out failed miserably, and Levi comes after his sorry ass like a bat out of hell, Zeke continues to mock Levi, to laugh at what Levi’s just had to do in order to survive and pursue Zeke. He says “Where’d your adorable little men go!? Don’t tell me you killed them all! The poor things!”. Are you fucking serious? Zeke’s behavior here is one of the most sickening things in the entire story, bar none. The way he laughs at Levi here for having to cut down 30 of his friends and comrades, the absolute display of sociopathic glee and disregard for the severe, horrific trauma he’s just caused this man, is honestly shocking. Man, I’m sorry, but anyone who sympathizes with Zeke over Levi after this display maybe needs to reevaluate their moral compass, because it’s damned broken. And just as an aside, Zeke’s cowardly fear of Levi is also pretty damned funny. He’s just such a bitch./

We go from this perverse display of psychopathic megalomania into Zeke’s backstory, and again, I’m sorry if I’m gonna offend any Zeke fans here, but to all of that, I ask, so effing what? Oh, boohoo, Zeke’s mommy and daddy didn’t shower him with praise or spend any time playing catch with him, and somehow, I guess, this is meant to excuse his attempts later in life to commit mass genocide. Poor, poor Zeke. Yes, his childhood was sad, he experienced neglect from his parents for two whole years, was used by them as a pawn for their idiotic plans, and ended up disappointing his father when it turned out he had no real talent. And again I ask, so what? This sort of experience isn’t exactly what one would call unique, or even extreme. There are countless children in the world who go through the exact same thing in various forms. Parents who put too much pressure on their kids to succeed, parents who try living vicariously through their children, parents who make their disappointment known and even punish their children for failing to live up to their expectations (something Zeke’s parents never did, by the way). The point is, this isn’t even what one would classify as extreme hardship. It’s a sad story of a child being neglected and not receiving enough love from his parents. This isn’t to undermine the very real pain one experiences from those things. Not at all. That pain is real and legitimate. But it’s also fairly common and pedestrian, as far as childhood trauma is concerned, and it doesn’t even remotely begin to justify the extreme lengths of megalomaniacal, sociopathic, genocidal tendencies he later displays. Also, Zeke also had his grandparents, who did love him and spent lots of time with him. He had Mr. Ksaver, who played with him and acted as a mentor to him. It wasn’t like Zeke had no one and grew up with zero connections. That’s BS.

Levi calls this bitch on his shit later in chapter 114, as Zeke’s muttering away in his delusions about how he’s “saving everyone”. He asks Zeke “That was your plan? Mercy killings?”. Levi’s asking Zeke here who the hell gave him the right to decide who lives and who dies? Who gave him the right to decide who’s life is WORTH living? When Levi says him getting to die by being eaten by a Titan is pretty merciful, considering he stole the lives of so many of his comrades, Zeke’s reply speaks volumes about just how warped and demented his thinking is, when he says “I stole nothing. I... saved them. Them and the children they would have... I saved them all... from this cruel world.”. He’s literally justifying murdering countless people by trying to redefine that murder as “saving” them. It’s not murder because it saved them from ever having to suffer again! He’s absolving himself here of his sins by casting his actions in not just a favorable light, but trying to sell them as heroic and admirable. He takes no, actual responsibility for what he’s done. He removes himself from that responsibility by pretending he was doing a good thing, an honorable, noble thing, by murdering a whole bunch of people who’d never done jack shit to him. Yippee for Zeke, I guess. He’s the very definition of an ego-maniac, of someone suffering from a messiah complex. He’s insane, and morally depraved. The very fact that he’s the one who comes up with the idea of eradicating the Eldian race by rendering them infertile is only further proof of this. What teenager comes up with a plan to exterminate an entire race of people and thinks it’s a good idea?

Right before he blows himself and Levi up, he screams “I’m hope you’re watching, Mr. Ksaver!”. He’s indulging in his own, fanciful notions of himself as the “chosen one”, as a unique person who alone is capable of delivering humanity to salvation. He’s showing off, asking Mr. Ksaver to watch him as he “saves the world”, because all he cares about, really, is making himself feel special, of fulfilling what he’s deluded himself into believing is his destiny, his right to decide the fate of the world.

And then he almost kills Levi in the process.

I swear, I wish Levi had just chopped his shitty head off right then and there. No one can blame Levi for chopping the bastards legs up like he did, for being so angry. It wasn’t just that Zeke had killed so many of his fellow soldiers by turning them into Titans, or tried to kill Levi by turning them into Titans, it’s also how Zeke laughed about it, and laughed at the pain he’d caused Levi, treating all of it as if it was worth nothing, and then having the unmitigated gall to cast himself as the hero bestowing his benevolent mercy on all. Give me a fucking break.

Fuck you Zeke. I hope you rot in hell, you dumb shit.

Also, fuck you to Floch too. I hate that bastard almost as much.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #zeke yeager #snk 113 #snk 114 #meta #thoughts

73 notes · View notes

dreamingofaizawa · 4 years

Text

Obedient

Soft Yan! Erasermic x Chubby Fem! Reader

Summary: Reader gets a new home and is perfectly fine with it, but soon her desires get the best of her.

**18+ Fic**

Warnings: Kidnapping, drug use, NSFW, smut, double penetration, yandere themes, light D/S dynamic, daddy kink like once, BDSM themes, Stockholm Syndrome, overall nastiness

Word Count: 5.1k

Author’s Note: This one’s extremely self indulgent, focusing on a chubby or heavy reader and their insecurities being accepted. Also, I feel like these two would be unfairly amazing with aftercare. If you skip the warnings it ain’t my fault if you don’t like what you read. Thanks and enjoy!

“Happy birthday to me” you mumbled to yourself as you polished off your third glass of whiskey of the night.

It was late, probably close to 2 am, and you sat at your usual spot on the end of the bar. You rapped your knuckles on the wooden countertop, signaling the bartender to pour you another glass. He obliged with a nod and a warm smile, which you easily returned. It was always like this, sitting alone at the edge of the bar on a Friday night, drinking away your stress where you knew you wouldn’t be bothered by your meddlesome coworkers.

The bar was getting quiet, with only a handful of patrons chatting and laughing away in their drunken states. And they were there again. Always sitting in the corner of the establishment, tucked away in a booth together. The two men were there when you started attending the bar on a regular basis a few months ago, and always stayed after you’d left. It seemed normal at first, just a couple of guys drinking at a bar. But you’d caught them looking at you on several occasions. You never looked at them directly, but you always saw their reflections in the glass bottles of liquor, their eyes trained on you with no clear expressions on their faces. They never came over to talk, never made a move, never even got within 5 feet of you. And that’s the way you liked it.

Until tonight.

Both men stood up, and you watched as their reflections casually made their way over to the bar. You averted your eyes and pretended not to notice, hoping they’d leave you alone. “Hey there” Well, so much for leaving me alone. You turned to see a handsomely rugged man looking down at you, his raven hair loose and framing his chiseled jaw and his dark eyes peering into your own. You notice a curved scar just under his right eye. His friend stood beside him, with long blonde hair tied up in a laxed ponytail and hypnotic green eyes trained on you behind orange tinted sunglasses.

“Hi fellas” you spoke, eyeing the two with a quirked eyebrow. The blonde moved over to your left and sat down next to you, the other choosing to stand on your right. “Hey little listener! Mind if I sit here?” the blonde asked with a megawatt grin, the sheer volume of his voice startled you a little. “Not at all” you said with a warm smile. ‘Listener? What a strange nickname’ you thought. There was a few seconds of silence before the dark haired man spoke. “So, what’s the occasion?” You wondered how he knew there was an occasion, and almost reading your mind he said, “You’re pretty dolled up for a night at the bar” Huh. Looks like they were watching me after all.

You took a swig of whiskey before speaking. “Nothing special. It’s just my birthday”. And you meant it. Your birthday was never anything special. Just a testament to another routine year on this earth. “I’d say that’s pretty special, sunshine!” the blonde nudged your shoulder as he spoke. You laughed at that statement. “Nah, just another year gone by” The alcohol was starting to get to you, you could tell. You were never this talkative sober.

The black haired man knocked on the bar, “Next round’s on me. Hey barkeep, one more glass for this pretty kitten here” The pet name made your cheeks tingle a little, but you kept it under control and tilted your head. You scoffed “Kitten? Really?” He looked you up and down and said “Well how would you describe yourself, kitty?” He smirked at you, waiting for your response. The logical side of your brain warned you ‘Don’t do it, you can’t be self deprecating on your 25th birthday’. You didn’t listen. “Well I’m far from cat-like. Chubby, short, chunky. The only thing cat-like about me would have to be my trained posture and eyeliner” You chuckled, matter-of-factly. You worked as a waitress at an esteemed high-end restaurant and you had to learn to be quick on your feet, agile, and most importantly, poised.

“Hmm, pretty and humble” the blonde muttered. You laughed again “Pretty. Right”. Neither of them said anything. You looked at the two men, closely. Where did you recognize them? Why did they look so familiar? There was silence as you studied their faces. Then it struck you. Your eyes went wide and you took a sharp inhale “You’re Eraserhead” you looked over at him, and then turned to the blonde “And you’re Present Mic”. Both men grinned at the recognition, “In the flesh sunshine”. You turned and stared at your drink, feeling your face get warm. You were extremely socially awkward and hated confrontation, even if it were friendly, so you did the only thing that could save you and excused yourself to the ladies’ room.

Once the door closed behind you you let out a shaky breath and leaned over the sink, staring at your reflection in the mirror. What the hell were they doing talking to you? Or even looking at you? You backed up, deciding to fix yourself. You pulled your skirt down a little further over your thighs, tugged your thigh-high socks a little higher, and redid your ponytail.Taking a deep breath, you walked back out to the two heroes and sat down, a new glass of whiskey on the bartop in front of you. With slightly shaky hands you grabbed the glass and took a big swig, then glanced between the two men and said “It’s very nice to meet you” Eraserhead chuckled and Mic said “Likewise sweetheart. The name’s Hizashi” “And you can call me Shouta”.

The night went on and the three of you talked for another hour or so. Eventually you glanced at your watch and decided it’s time to go home. “Let us take you home (y/n)” Shouta offered. You declined politely, you couldn’t intrude on them any more than you already had. But they insisted, so you obliged, deciding that walking home in these 4-inch platform boot heels would kill you. Shouta hadn’t had a drink all night so he hopped in the driver’s seat, Hizashi in the passenger and you in the back. You punched your address into the GPS and the car started moving.

“Water?” Hizashi offered, holding a bottle of water over the back of his seat. You took it and thanked him, immediately chugging the whole bottle in one breath. You didn’t notice Shouta watching you, and you didn’t notice the bottle had already been opened and laced with something. Soon your head became heavy, along with your eyelids as you tried to blink away sleep. “You seem tired (y/n), why don’t you take a nap. We’ll wake you up when we get there” You nodded and sprawled across the backseat, settling into a deep sleep, unaware that you were never going to see your bed again.

You woke up sore and stiff, and you stretched out, feeling the soft silky sheets under your body. It took you a moment to realise these weren’t your sheets, and you snapped your eyes open and sat up to an unfamiliar room. “Shit” you cursed under your breath. You strained your memory to see if you’d gone home with anyone the night before, but the last thing you remember was being driven home by two pro heroes and passing out in the backseat of their car. Your head began to swim with possibilities and questions. Where am I? Why am I here? Where were the two heroes? You tried to cross your legs but your left ankle was stopped short. You threw the blanket off and saw a metal cuff and a thick chain holding you in place.

You felt yourself start to panic, but leveled your head and steadied your breathing before you lost control. You willed yourself to relax, and think of ways to get out of this predicament. Today is Saturday. Whoever took me would be here, assuming this room is part of a larger house. You stilled your nerves and gently called out. “H-hello? Is there anyone there?” A few seconds later you hear footsteps, and the door opened. The last thing you expected to see was a handsomely rugged pro hero Shouta Aizawa standing in the doorway. “Morning kitty” he said with a smirk.

You froze in place and blinked at the man. You lost yourself in your head, remembering all the yandere fanfic you read, remembering last night and piecing things together. The bottle of water was already open. To be fair, they are heroes. Letting your guard down was only natural. A hand on your shoulder jolted you back to reality. You stared at Shouta like a deer in headlights. “You okay there?” You blinked back at him, and swallowed down the lump in your throat before saying “Let me guess. This is my new home”. He stared back down at you before chuckling, “Well that’s not the reaction I was expecting. You’re a smart little kitty, aren’t you?”

He left the room and you got lost in thought again. You knew you shouldn’t be so calm, so willing, so obedient. But you also knew how boring your life had been, how mundane and lonely. You had cut ties with your family a long time ago, and you didn’t have any friends because of your trust issues and antisociality. You knew, deep down, you wanted something like this to happen. To give up control.

And it shone through the more you explored in your late teen years. You found how much you loved the idea of having a dominant person to tell you you were doing good, someone you could trust to guide you. Someone to take over and lead you. The few relationships you had fell through once your partner learned about your preferences. They weren’t willing to put a collar on you, like you were some sort of animal. They never understood the trust and respect that came with the garment.

Maybe this was your chance to have the relationship you’d always yearned for. To be loved for exactly who you are. And you knew it was wrong to want to like your captors, the people who kidnapped you. But in reality what were you going to do? Try to escape and risk injuring yourself? Or worse, risk getting caught and be punished for it? There were no realistic scenarios where you got out of here and escape from them completely. If they were the yandere types you thought them to be, you knew it was pointless to struggle.

Shouta came back and broke you out of your thoughts with a tray of pancakes, fruit, and a glass of orange juice. You shifted so you were sitting against the headboard and he placed the tray on your lap. You mumbled a small ‘thank you’ and began to eat, only now realizing how hungry you were. About halfway through the meal he spoke. “You know, you’re taking this really well.” You finished the food in your mouth and looked at him “Well there’s no use panicking. I’d only end up hurting myself. Besides, it’s not like I can get out” you said, motioning to the chain and cuff around your ankle. “You’re not wrong,” he said back, and left you to finish breakfast.

He came back ten minutes later, took the tray, and returned with a key, handcuffs, and a blindfold. “I’m sure you need to use the bathroom” you nodded, acknowledging the pressure on your bladder “These are just a precaution” he said as he locked the cuffs around your wrists and tied the blindfold around your head. You felt the cuff on your ankle fall off and Shouta’s arms under your knees and back as he lifted you off the bed and carried you to where you assumed the bathroom was. Once inside, he put you down and took the blindfold and cuffs off. He stepped outside and locked the door and said “I’ll be waiting out here. Once you’re done knock on the door and I’ll take you back to the bed”. You nodded, and did just that. Back on the bed, he locked the cuff around your ankle and stood to leave before you stopped him.

“H-hey, S-shouta?” he turned around and quirked an eyebrow, “Can I…draw?” You had no idea if he’d let you have anything, but you had to try. If you were going to be stuck in here you needed a way to keep yourself occupied. He hummed and left the room, returning with a sketch pad, a pencil, and an eraser. Once he left you began sketching away, deciding koi fish were to be the subjects of your creativity.

Days went by, being served three meals a day by either Shouta or Hizashi. Eventually, they began to question why you were so obedient and calm about the whole situation. They began to think you were just trying to get them to let their guard down, and give you a chance to escape. You always answered their questions truthfully. “I don’t mind it here. My life had always been uneventful so the change is mildly appreciated. And you treat me well, so I can say I’m at least a little happy”. They weren’t anything like you expected. They weren’t overly protective or controlling, never posed any kind of threat. Never tried to convince you of anything, not that they had to.

After about a week, they took the cuff off your ankle and stored it away. “You can roam the house freely” Shouta said, holding his hand out to you. Gingerly you took his hand, slowly standing from the bed. Your legs shook a little, but Shouta held you so you could stretch them out and get comfortable walking again. He walked out, motioning for you to follow. You ended up in the dining room, sitting at the table. With Shouta sitting next to you, you assumed Hizashi was in the kitchen cooking dinner.

“So (y/n), what have you been drawing?”. The question caught you off guard, but you answered “Koi fish”. “Ah, any particular reason why?”. You thought to yourself for a moment, and answered “Well they’re gorgeous creatures, elegant, sleek, graceful. I’ve always loved drawing koi”. He hummed, seemingly pleased with your answer. You then started to ramble a bit about how koi reminded you of dragons for some reason, and how beautiful you thought dragons were.

Soon dinner was served and Hizashi was caught up in the conversation. After dinner you all went to watch movies in the living room, and you dozed off between the two men, relishing in the warmth their bodies radiated. Shouta carried you to the bed and laid you down to sleep, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. He stood there, admiring you for a few minutes before leaving to join Hizashi in their room.

———————-

After a couple months living with the two men, thoughts began to swirl around in your brain. Caring thoughts. And needy, dirty thoughts. You’d push them away as quickly as they came because you knew what was happening. You read about Stockholm syndrome many times, and you tried desperately to remind yourself that liking them was wrong. But you were in far too deep. Eventually the part of you that tried to fight it lost miserably and you stopped pushing those thoughts away, because despite the kidnapping, they were nothing but good to you.

The days they’d both have to leave for their hero duties were the days you’d begin to realize you missed them. You dug through their closet and began to wear one or the other’s t-shirts around the house. Eventually it became normal. You’d always wear their clothes, whether they were home or not, and they didn’t seem to mind. You got closer to them, getting more cuddly and affectionate, giving and receiving more kisses. Soon you were all sleeping together, and life began to feel strangely normal. But the realization of how sexually frustrated you were drove you mad.

You wanted to feel their hands on you, touching you, caressing you, making you feel good. You couldn’t take it anymore. You needed them. But you had some pride, so you just left hints. You dressed lighter, showing more skin. Not wearing any shorts with their t-shirts, letting the collars drop and expose your shoulders. You could see them looking. Their glances made you ache, you wanted them so bad. But they weren’t budging. So you gave in and tossed your pride aside.

One day after they came home from patrol and dinner was finished, you quickly washed the dishes and tugged them over to the living room couch and sat down on the coffee table, facing them. Their confused expressions only grew more confused when your face burned red. What you were about to ask them embarrassed you to no end, but you had to do it or you’d go insane.

You took a deep breath, looked up at them, and began quietly. “S-so, um, I really like it here, and…and I appreciate everything you two have done for me…” you swallowed the lump that formed in your throat, “a-and I know you’ve given me everything I asked-” you were abruptly cut off by Shouta saying “No, (y/n), you can’t go outside”. The statement threw you off, and you quickly rambled “N-no, no! That’s not…I wasn’t asking to leave! I love it here and I love just being with you two and doing whatever…but it’s not what we do…it’s what we…don’t do…that’s bothering me…just a little bit…”

Shouta’s stern expression turned soft, then after a few moments a knowing smirk tugged at his lips. Hizashi still looked as confused as before the conversation and said “Sunshine, you aren’t making much sense. There’s a lot of things we don’t do”. Shouta spoke up “‘Zashi, hold on”. Hizashi quieted and shrugged. Shouta looked at you with narrow eyes and a knowing smirk. “Come here kitty” he said and pat his leg. The name sent shivers down your spine. You bit your lip, got up and straddled his lap. He tucked his finger under your chin and pulled so you were looking him in the eyes “I think our kitty cat’s getting a little needy, ‘Zashi. Isn’t that right kitty?”. Your face burned fiercely, and you bit your lip harder and gave a small nod.

Shouta dropped his hand and grabbed your waist, lifting you off his lap and onto Hizashi as he stood up to get something. You closed your eyes and let out a small squeak from the sudden movement. You opened your eyes to Hizashi’s wide grin. He wrapped his arms around your waist, leaned forward and slotted his lips against yours, giving you a soft affectionate kiss. You melted into his arms, letting a haze drift into your mind. Shouta came back holding something, but you couldn’t quite see it in his hand. You looked back up at his face, and he looked at Hizashi. The two shared a look and you couldn’t quite place their expressions.

Shouta sat down, and began gently rubbing your arm. He seemed to be trying to figure out how to say something, but he decided actions were better than words. He took a small breath and held up what he’d been holding. And it made your breath hitch in your throat. You realized in that moment that they had been watching you a lot more than just at the bar. They knew about your relationship issues, your preferences, they knew everything.

It was a collar. And it was beautiful. One half was black leather, studded with yellow gems, the other half yellow with black gems, and the center had a silver loop with a little bell. You reached out and touched it, letting your fingers trace over the gems. You look up at Shouta and the question leaves your lips before you can think. “Is it for me?” he nods, and it made tears prick the corners of your eyes. He knew what you wanted. They both did. He gives a sweet smile and moves behind you, looping it around your neck. You hold your hair up, and wait for the sound.

Click

It locks, and you shudder, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Shouta tilts your head and kisses you, soft and deep. He loops a finger through the collar and gently tugs, and you let out a mewl, letting him dip his tongue past your lips. A haze drifts over your mind in a thick blanket, and you melt into the kiss. He pulls away, and you look up at him with lust-blown eyes, then look at Hizashi who leans over and kisses your cheek.

Hizashi picks you up and places you on the floor and the two stand up, Shouta loops a finger in your collar and tugs, and the two lead you over to the bedroom. Hizashi begins to undress first, and Shouta pulls you into another heated kiss. This time a little more rough, a little more passionate, his tongue gliding over yours. He bites your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan. Hizashi, now completely naked, sits on the edge of the bed and calls out to you “Come over here baby”. You pull away from Shouta and walk over to the blonde. He motions for you to turn around, and he grabs your hips and pulls you onto his lap.

He pulls off the shirt you’re wearing, groaning after seeing you had no bra on. He pulls you by your arms, pressing your back against his chest, and peppers kisses along your neck and shoulders. You mewl softly, shuddering from the sensation. You didn’t know kisses could feel so good. Shouta comes over and starts to massage your breasts, kneading them with his palms and grazing over the sensitive buds. Hizashi brings his hands to your stomach and gently caresses and grabs at the soft flesh, squishing and kneading the fat gathered there.

You whine from the contact, and feeling extremely self-conscious you grab his arms and try to pull him away. He shushes you and whispers in your ear “It’s okay, baby, let me feel you. You’re so beautiful”. He nips at your ear and kisses your neck. You let your arms relax and drop to your sides, letting the blonde explore your body the way he wants. Shouta kneels in front of you and takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling. He grabs your thighs and pulls your legs apart, squeezing the fat there.

As the two squeeze and grope every part of you that you never liked, you can’t help but feel exposed and slightly uncomfortable. You whimper softly, tears beginning to sting your eyes as you take shaky breaths to still yourself. Hizashi turns your head and kisses away the tears as they fall, and Shouta leans up and kisses your belly and thighs. “Shhh kitty, let us love you. Let us love all of you, kitty cat. You’re so pretty…such a pretty little kitty~”.

You relax further, and you realize these two beautiful men are worshipping your body like you’re a goddess. You’re far from being comfortable in your skin, but the initial fear is gone, and your body relaxes as they continue their ministrations. “Good girl kitty. Good girl” Shouta whispers as he kisses and nips at your thighs. “Open your legs for us baby” Hizashi dips his fingers down and teases your dripping core, slipping up and down your folds as Shouta pulls your panties down and off your legs. You buck your hips up, begging for more friction. He dips two fingers into your core and a soft moan escapes your lips.

He reaches his thumb up to rub tight circles over your clit, and you mewl at the sensation, rocking your hips into his hand. Shouta continues focusing on your breasts and belly, kneading and kissing and licking. Soon you feel a knot form in your stomach, tightening and burning. Hizashi feels your pussy clenching around his fingers and quickens his pace, curling his fingers to hit your g-spot and rubbing your clit faster. The knot snaps and you’re falling apart on Hizashi’s lap, back arched and legs shaking, you throw your head back against his shoulder and cry out, pleasure racking your body in waves. Hizashi keeps moving his fingers inside you, letting you ride out your high.

After your release you relax back down, breathing hard. Hizashi lifts you up and lays you down on the bed, Shouta crawling up over you and kissing you sweetly. He grabs your legs and wraps them around his waist, lining up his painfully hard erection with your throbbing pussy. “You ready kitty?” He asks, and you look up at him through your lashes and nod. He tugs at your collar “Use your words kitty cat. Are you ready for me?”. Your eyes widen slightly and you answer without thinking “Yes Daddy”. Shouta growls at the name and swears under his breath. He thrusts his hips forward and bottoms out in one movement. You gasp, the stretch around his thick length was almost enough to make you cum a second time.

Shouta stills to let you adjust and leans down to kiss the bruises on your neck from Hizashi. “I’m going to move now kitty. Relax for me” He starts slow, groaning as he watches his length slide in and out of your core. Your warmth feels so good around his cock, and he moves faster, driving his cock deep into your pussy, walls clenching around him. Hizashi lays down next to you and puts two fingers into your mouth. Your tongue slides over his fingers, coating them in your saliva.

He pulls them out and goes to rub your clit, leaning over and placing open mouth kisses along your collarbone, sucking new bruises onto your skin. Suddenly both men stop their movements, Shouta pulling out and Hizashi removing his hand from your mound and you whine at the emptiness, your pussy clenching around nothing. Shouta moves to sit and pulls you onto his lap, pressing your chests together, and Hizashi sits up behind you, pressing against your back. “On your knees baby girl, hold yourself up” Hizashi says into your neck.

You oblige, holding yourself up as the two men line themselves up with your dripping core. Once they’re ready, They grab your hips and pull you onto them, both of their hard cocks slipping into your pussy. You throw your head back against Hizashi’s shoulder, nearly screaming from the stretch. Your nails dig into Shouta’s back as they bottom out. They still their movements, all three of you panting hard. Despite the lack of movement, you mewl and whimper, your walls clenching and stretching to accommodate the both of them.

You relax slightly, feeling fuller than you’ve ever been before, and they immediately start to move. They pull out until just the tips are still in, and slam you down onto them, setting a brutal pace. You scream from the pleasure, clawing at the muscles in Shouta’s back. Hizashi reaches around to rub your clit and it shoves you over the edge and has you cumming around them, your essence dripping down your thighs and their cocks. They keep slamming back into you, your pussy clenching around them. They slow their pace ever so slightly, feeling their own release building. Hizashi keeps rubbing tight circles around your clit “Do you have one more for us baby? Cum one more time”.

You whine from the overstimulation, feeling every vein as they pump themselves in and out of your core. Tears fall down your cheeks and a familiar tension fills the pit of your stomach. Shouta leans down and bites down hard on the sweet spot between your neck and shoulder, just under the collar, and it pulls you over, crying out as your pussy clamps down hard. Their hips stutter, and they pick up the pace, chasing their own release as you ride out your high. They thrust two more times and they’re both shooting hot ropes of cum into you, filling you to the brim.

They still their movements, holding you and each other close. After a few moments, they pull out together, the movement making you moan and shake. Your body goes limp and Shouta pulls you to lean against him. You’re sobbing softly into Shouta’s shoulder, your last release washing over your body almost painfully, your bones already beginning to ache. Shouta rubs your back softly and Hizashi peppers soft kisses along your shoulders.

Shouta picks you up and the three of you go over to the bathroom. Hizashi plugs the drain and turns on the tap to fill the large tub with hot water. Shouta climbs in and sits down, still cradling you, and the slowly rising water begins to soothe you. Hizashi pulls out a tube of ointment and rubs it onto Shouta’s back, relieving the scratch marks you left on him. After tending to Shouta he takes off your collar and sinks into the tub, leaning against you. You let the two massage you and wash you, bringing you back down to earth.

“You okay kitten?” Shouta rumbles into your ear, petting your hair. You nod into his shoulder and grab Hizashi’s hand, squeezing it appreciatively. They both muttered soft ‘good girl’s and ‘good kitty’s in you ears. You felt secure with them, the hot water and the care of the two bring you back down to earth, and you start to feel fatigue pulling at your consciousness. Hizashi notices you drifting off. He takes you from Shouta and dries you off with a towel and loops your collar back around your neck. “Sho, I’m going to take her to bed. When you’re ready come join us”. Shouta hums and Hizashi carries you to bed.

You lay with Hizashi and cuddle into his chest, letting him hold you and rock you as you drift off. After a few minutes you feel the bed behind you dip and look up at Shouta with half lidded eyes. He gives you a peck on the lips before nuzzling against your back. With a long, soft sigh you melt into their arms, and as you fall asleep you mumble a soft “I love you both” into Hizashi’s chest, and Shouta whispers into your ear “We love you too kitty cat.”

#yandere bnha #erasermic x reader #yandere erasermic #stockholm syndrome #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa x reader #yamada hizashi x reader #hizashi x reader #yandere aizawa #yandere yamada hizashi #erasermic

504 notes · View notes

gastropodpapa · 4 years

Note

For everyone it applies to in the Obey Me verse: What is their favorite position? Sort of inspired by my cuddle position ask, but also inspired by your headcanons for their dom/sub/top/bottom statuses.

I actually had to go back and reread my own post bc I am a jumbo dumbass.

I’m going to assume you mean sexual position, so here goes. I think they’re all too esoteric to be strictly dom/sub and bottom/top, though. So prepare for trouble, and make it double. I didn’t do everyone cause like,,,,,,, no thoughts head empty, so i hope you don’t mind just 7.5 characters.

Lucifer:

Bottoming: Though I doubt he’d let just anyone top him, I get the sense that if he was getting railed by someone he’s not super emotionally attached to yet he’d be more inclined to still be in control. He might prefer riding someone, if he’s wanting to still be dictating pace etc. But with someone he’s subbing for, I think he’s a pillow princess ngl. Partially to hide his face/muffle his sounds since we KNOW this guy doesn’t have as much self-control as he thinks, partially bc he just wants some stress relief and relaxing on his stomach with a comfy pillow while he gets his whole pelvis destroyed it a great way to unwind. Topping: I don’t think about the guys as tops v much cause I’m, for the most part, an IMMACULATE TOP and as such it’s just not as interesting to me. HOWEVER: Lucifer would wanna top in any position where he can see his partner’s reactions. Gives him the Big Ego when he knows he’s making them feel good. pride man take me by the hand. If he’s emotionally attached to the person he’d wanna hold them close, cause I’ve seen how much of a cheesy romantic asshole he’s turned into in-game LMFAO Mammon:

Bottoming: Honestly? He’ll take just about any position as long as he can hold onto or bite down on something to muffle himself. Y’all know he’s a loud bottom. YOU KNOW IT OK- ok i need to chill. He does have a special love for getting bent over the side of a bed or a table but that could just be me projecting what i wanna do to him and pushed around a bit, even though he whines about it to preserve his ego.

Topping: Missionary, probably. If he’s feeling embarrassed about his reactions, he can just bury his face in his partner’s neck instead of focusing on keeping his face and voice under control. Or he can bury his face into his partner’s neck for Additional Intimacy via neck kissing and getting pets on the head while being told how well he’s doing. Win-win. He’s also fond of getting a smaller partner to sit on his lap while he fucks them so he can hold them close and feel like he’s supporting them. service top hours. he’s so cute heLP Levi:

Bottoming: EXTREMELY loud bottom no matter what position. This man has perfected the hentai moan. Possibly the ahegao face as well. I think he might like to get railed from behind, either pushed up against a wall or mirror/bent over a desk/etc or doggystyle. Either way, he likes to be in his demon form so he can get his tail squeezed and/or wrap it around his partner. Topping: This man is...... snakey. He has no bones. Extremely flexible.I can see him getting into a few interesting positions, but honestly I can’t think of any specifics bc up until very recently I avoided thinking of him in a sexual way. I DO know that his tail would go crazy unless he had something to anchor it to (like, for example, mc’s leg) Satan:

Shockingly, despite being a huge Satan stan, I don’t think about him in sexual situations very much? Which is literally the main reason it took me like A MILLION YEARS to publish this.

Bottoming: Ok hear me out,,,,,, What if he likes being shoved back against a wall though. 😳 Get a little bit rough with him, maybe? I think he might enjoy that.

Topping: This one depends a bit on his mood, but generally unless it’s Angy Stress Relief Fuckin’ he likes to be behind his partner with his face up by their neck/shoulder so he can whisper fun things in their ear and/or bite.

Asmo:

We know this guy is probably down for just about anything, at least once. Any position is good with him honestly. But he does have favorites.

Bottoming: He would like to be picked up and sat down on something so he can wrap his legs around his partner. This can be a pretty versatile position too, because he can lay on his back and/or push his partner’s head down to hip level if he’s feeling a bit bratty. I’m sure he can get much more creative with the possibilities than me, some guy writing this at 7 am while waiting for his breakfast burrito to cool. But the real appeal for him is getting manhandled. We know he’d love it. If his partner can’t lift him, he’ll hop up on the kitchen counter/table/dresser/etc himself and pull them in. Win-win.

Topping: Any position where he can show off his moves. Of which he has many. He also likes any position where his hands are free to roam all over his partner’s body (and make good use of his knowledge of all sorts of sensitive places one might have). Honestly there’s just too many to choose from and just thinking “there’s too many to choose from” has made me imagine Asmo on his phone scrolling some knockoff kama sutra app while his partner is waiting for him to decide how they fuck.

Beel:

Bottoming: Probably more than happy to bottom, because one he’s very inclined to please his partner, two he’s much less likely to misjudge his own strength, three he gets to lay back and be indulged with as much dick as he likes. Gluttony does not extend only to food, people. ;) ANYWAY BACK TO POSITIONS: He’s quite happy to lay on his stomach and let his partner go to town on him while he bites down on a pillow (probably ripping it to shreds and getting feathers/stuffing EVERYWHERE). He also dreams of one day riding someone, but he thinks his size will hamper that. BUT NOT NECESSARILY MUAHAHAH can you tell i’m thirsty for this big lad

Topping: Honestly? Two modes. Soft service top, simple missionary style. Or gluttony time, where he just indulges in his partner until they’re both exhausted, probably in a nice reverse of the pillow biting from the previous section.

Belphie:

Bottoming: Pillow prince. Listen to me. PILLOW. PRINCE. Lazy as fuck, honestly. Just wants to lay back and get railed. Or lay on his stomach and hold onto a pillow so he can immediately go to sleep when his partner is trying to clean him up. Lazy motherfucker. He does get bratty though, and dragging him up to his hands and knees so he has to hold his own weight is an excellent way to get him to either shut up or complain more.

Topping: Depends. Also has two modes: Lazy top who’s more inclined to let his partner put forth all of the effort or (hoo hoo get ready for animal motif jokes) an absolute bullride. Really depends on how tired he is at the time and how much he’s been teased. Either way, I suspect he likes his partner to ride him so that 1; he doesn’t have to put forth as much effort and 2: he can still hold onto them and maybe pull them close if he’s feeling soft and cozy.

Diavolo:

Bottoming: Just about any position, honestly. Man craves being topped. As long as he’s getting fucked (and preferably getting some rough treatment at the same time) he’s happy.

Topping: I’m too much of a top to answer this one and my only thoughts about diavolo include him being a bottom, sorry mate

#Spicy #gender neutral #diavolo is a bottom and you can't convince me otherwise

51 notes · View notes

taelme · 5 years

Note

can you write a parent!au with Taeil where you both are taking care of your kid while their sick (maybe twins?) so you put them to bed or sumn. this is kinda a mess , I loved your Taeyong au with byul!!

genre: parent!au, established relationship!au, kind of slice-of-life, right? I think haha, domestic!au (fluff just alot of domestic soft parent taeil)pairing/s: Taeil / Readerword count: 3k+tw: nonea/n: thank u so so much for being patient anon!! im taeil biased and I love domestic aus so this was very much self-indulgent as well HAHA i hope you enjoy this!!

On days like these, you’d never appreciated Taeil’s presence more.

You were currently rushing over from the bakery you worked at part-time while the kids were at school, a privilege that was courtesy of the kind elderly woman who took you and Taeil under her wing when you were newlyweds.

Upon receiving the phone-call, your heart sank. You’d heard about a few of their classmates having fallen sick recently, not knowing that the flu virus would have spread so quickly to the twins, knowing it was only made worse with the awfully rainy weather you’d been experiencing.

Your only consolation as you were making your way to the preschool was that it was almost time for Taeil to get off work, meaning that you would get help to care for your kids soon.

The receptionist who you were pretty familiar with had greeted you with a sigh of relief, a young girl with a bubbly tone. You didn’t miss the sympathetic look she had given you as she buzzed you in, and you didn’t have to ask her to know that the sound of the crying in the distance belonged to your children.

Letting her lead you to their classroom, you spotted your pair of 2-year-olds, crying their hearts out as they sat on a mat away from the other students, the teachers desperately trying to soothe them.

“Look, look! Look who’s here!”

One of their teachers gave you a relieved smile upon spotting you, managing to successfully divert your children’s attention towards you, your toddlers standing up immediately and running over to your squatting form with a loud cry leaving their lips.

Opening your arms wide, you’d let them collide into you, rubbing their backs soothingly as you consoled them, “it’s okay, I’m here, I’m gonna take you home, okay?”

Their form teacher had made her way to you, letting the other teacher instruct the children to go to their respective seats, about to start another activity with them.

“We really didn’t want to disrupt you, but they seemed to be going through a lot of stress so we figured it was best to call you so they can go see a doctor,” the teacher told you apologetically, making you shake your head in dismissal.

“It’s fine, really,” you assured her, “I understand how hard it must’ve been with all of this going on,” you gestured towards the rest of the students who were talking and playing loudly amidst all that was happening.

“Will you be able to manage?” the receptionist had asked, though you knew it was simply out of sympathy since there wasn’t much of a way for her to help if you had said no.

Choosing instead to nod, you stood up, carrying your daughter on your hip and holding your son’s hand with your free hand, managing to usher then out of the class as the teacher explained the situation further to you.

You had to manage, anyhow.

Cursing mentally, you knew that you didn’t have medicine at home, since you hadn’t found the time to buy any since the last time Taeil fell sick. And your children’s tired-looking, tear-stained faces weren’t doing anything to lessen your worry.

You’d felt your son tugging on the fabric of your pants.

“My head,“ he whimpered, his features beginning to pull into a frown as his pout grew bigger, signs that you knew were the prelude of tears.

“I know, honey, that’s why we’re gonna go to the doctor now, okay?” you told him as you were helping him put on his shoes, your daughter clinging to you tightly as you did so.

“So that the doctor can give you and your sister medicine,” you explained, “then you guys will feel better, hmm?” you gave him a reassuring smile, watching your son nod slowly, feeling too uncomfortable to be anything other than compliant at this point.

Figuring you shouldn’t waste anymore time, you’d bid goodbye to the teachers, fumbling to get your daughter’s shoes on before you left the centre.

Like you said, on days like these, you were extremely thankful for Taeil.

Had he not chosen this neighbourhood for the both of you, you wouldn’t have been able to bring your twins to the doctors as smoothly as you did now. Though your shoulders were already beginning to ache from carrying your daughter with one hand.

Your son was snuggled up against your arm, staring at the elderly lady sitting nearby that was smiling at him, and you shifted carefully in your seat as your daughter was beginning to fall asleep on your shoulder, giving you a chance to phone Taeil.

“Hello?” You spoke, hearing the tell-tale sound of him clearing his throat.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” you could practically imagine his smile.

You couldn’t help but sigh, huffing in spite of yourself, “the school called to tell me that the kids weren’t feeling well—”

“Huh? Where are you now?” you heard him pause to bid one of his colleagues goodbye.

“—so I’m at the doctors now, but there’s a few people ahead of us so we won’t be that fast,” you glanced at your queue number. You were about 3 consultations away.

You heard muffled noises on Taeil’s side, being able to faintly make out the sound of him bidding goodbye to someone.

“Okay, I’ll head over now, see you soon,” Taeil’s words came out calm, serving to lessen your worry slightly as you bid him goodbye and hung up.

Two patients down in the queue, you’d heard the bells at the door jingle to signal the entrance of another patient you assumed.

Looking up, you couldn’t help but smile, letting out a deep sigh of relief as you saw your husband walking towards you, raising his eyebrows in amusement as he spotted your half-asleep twins lying on and against you.

Upon being woken up by the harsh sound of the nurse’s partition being shut, your daughter had let out a whimper, her cries slowly growing as the discomfort started to kick-in.

Taeil had a smile full of affection on his face at the sight of his daughter, cooing and making soothing sounds at her as you attempted to ease her distress, you waited for Taeil to be done settling down before handing your daughter carefully to him.

“Why are you crying?” he cooed, bouncing her lightly on his shoulder as she had calmed down in the arms of her father.

You felt him lean over to give you a hug, pressing a light kiss to your cheek as you caught the whiff of a scent that was utterly calming, a scent that to this day you could only associate with Taeil. You resisted the urge to sink into his touch.

“Hey, baby,” he murmured.

You heard your son mumble something incoherent, looking up and mustering a tired smile for his dad as Taeil smoothed your son’s hair over, your son bringing a hand up to rub his eye as he wrapped his other arm around yours.

Stretching his arms out in a silent plea to be carried, you couldn’t help but smile, hoisting your son up onto your lap, letting him lean over to sling his arms around your neck, surprising you at his body temperature.

“He’s burning up,” you told Taeil, making Taeil reach over a hand to press it against your son’s forehead gently, the boy leaning into his father’s touch with his eyes drooping closed.

Taeil grimaced, glancing at the queue number currently being flashed on the board, “hopefully the next consultation will be done quickly.” He said, more as a consolation for you since he knew you long enough to be able to tell that you were worried.

Taeil leaned his head against the wall, his hand rubbing your daughter’s back soothingly, “did you have a hard time just now?”

You shrugged, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Not really, I’m just glad you’re here now,” you told him, earning a tight-lipped smile from him.

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

You shook your head at Taeil’s question.

“I haven’t, but I doubt either of us have any energy to cook,” you huffed, earning a nod from him, his hand that wasn’t holding your daughter reaching over to grasp yours, his fingers interlocking with yours, resting your interlocked hands on his thigh.

“The kids probably won’t be able to stomach the usual food, anyway. We can just head next door to get something for all of us,” he said, referring to the small (but very well patronised) Chinese food restaurant that you frequented since your kids loved their soup.

Taeil yawned, blinking slowly as he looked at you with hooded eyes, “how were things at the bakery today?”

Your attention was temporarily diverted when you saw the board flash a new number, signalling that you were next in line. Taeil being able to sense your anxiousness, your mind clearly preoccupied with how you’d completely missed his question.

“Hmm?” you looked at him expectantly, curious as to why he was looking at you like that.

“Do you want to borrow my shoulder?” he asked, his tone light yet firm.

You shook your head, “it’s alright, you worked the whole day…you’re probably more tired than I am,” you explained.

Taeil gave you a look of disbelief, his hand coming up to smooth over your daughter’s hair, “yeah, you’re not fooling anyone—”

“Taeil, please. I’ll manage,” you gave his hand a firm squeeze, hoping your tone was as firm as the gesture.

You spent the next waiting moments zoning out, your son beginning to fiddle with your hair and giggling whenever he managed to tuck the stray strands behind your ears.

You’d felt Taeil tap your hand before you heard the ding of the queue number changing, “c'mon,” he got up with a grunt.

This elicited a giggle from you, trying your best to withhold your comment on how you were both getting old as you picked your son up with a light grunt of your own and carried him over to the doctor’s office.

You were thankful Taeil did most of the talking. You tended to trust him more whenever it came to the more serious matters like these, and of course, you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t help but swoon at Taeil’s demeanour. Fortunately, you weren’t the one that was explaining to the doctor, you wouldn’t have been able to focus for very long.

“Can you bring watch the kids first? I can go and buy the food while you’re waiting,” you told Taeil, seeing him nod at you, prompting you to go as he led your children to the reception area, being able to faintly hear him telling them you were going to get their dinner.

The grandma that ran the restaurant had recognised you, asking you many questions about how you were and how your family was doing while you waited for the food to be prepared.

“Did you come with your husband?” She asked.

You nodded, an unconscious smile making its way on your face as you thought about Taeil, “yeah, he’s next door waiting for the kids’ medicine.”

She gave you a smile, the kind you would give at a cute animal or an adorable baby, “you two are so sweet, send my regards to him and the darlings, okay?” she told you.

Casting a look behind her, she’d stood up, briskly walking over to the kitchen and coming back out with your food orders, “thank you, sweetie.”

You shook your head, thanking her for the food before going out of the restaurant, seeing that Taeil was already waiting outside the doctors for you, pointing in your direction to alert your kids.

“Look! Your food is all ready, now we can go home!” Taeil said in an overly-enthusiastic tone, waving your twins hands in the air to get them in a more excited mood.

Your daughter giggled at Taeil’s behaviour, Taeil’s tone managing to get her excited at the thought of food, and you took your son’s hand as you walked back to where Taeil parked the car.

You could hear him humming a song absently as you both strapped your kids into the car seat, the familiarity of it serving to calm you down (which was Taeil’s goal). Letting him drive, you’d spent the ride in relative silence, aside from the sound of Taeil’s music, until you were home.

“We shouldn’t shower them, should we?” You asked, looking to him briefly for advice as you opened your front door, ushering your son in with an excited sound, making the boy erupt in a fit of giggles as he waddled in the direction of his room.

Taeil hummed, his lips twisting into a thoughtful purse, eventually shaking his head, “I remember my grandma telling me that you should give them a sponge bath, she used to do that when we were children and we were running fevers,” he recalled.

Humming in acknowledgement, you nodded, leading your kids to the bathroom as you prepared whatever you needed.

Taeil squat down next to your kids and helped them out of their clothes, pulling his sleeves up to his elbows as he helped you to wash them.

After you were done, you’d brought them to the dining room to eat, thankful that they were compliant even despite the discomfort they must be feeling.

Your son pushed back Taeil’s hair that was falling out of place with a giggle as Taeil fed him, the sight alone enough to make you smile.

“What are you doing, baby?” You asked.

Your son turned to you with a smile, his hands moving to cover Taeil’s forehead. Swallowing his mouthful of dumplings, he spoke, “daddy’s hair is too long, he can’t see.”

You pressed your lips together in your attempt to stifle your laughter, shooting a look at Taeil who simply sighed in agreement, “you’re right, I think I’m due for a haircut too.”

“I think daddy will look cute with short hair, don’t you think?” You asked your daughter, feeding her the last bit of her dumpling as she looked at Taeil curiously, as if trying to imagine what he would look like before nodding her head vigorously, her eyes pulling into small crescents as she grinned at you.

Taeil scoffed playfully at you, “I’m cute with any hair.” Making you laugh, shaking your head at him, turning to scoop the last of your daughter’s food into her mouth.

“All done,” you sing-songed, standing up to dispose of the food packets, cheering internally that there were no dishes that needed to be done.

Leading your kids back to their room, you’d almost cooed at the sight of how readily they’d gotten into bed with their fever patches on their forehead, excited that Taeil was about to read them their bedtime story.

Soon enough, you could tell they were beginning to doze off, murmurs of ‘goodnights’ leaving them before they’d forgotten all about the story, not seeming to care what would happen to ‘Curious George’ anymore as their breaths evened out, their tiny figures clutching to their bolsters tightly.

Taeil’s eyebrows lifted as he carefully pulled the book from the bed, setting it on the bedside table before turning to you with a tired smile.

Walking out of their room, you saw him raise a hand up to you, not being able to help but laugh as you gave him a high-five, feeling his arm go around you to rub your arm soothingly.

“We did it!” He murmured as triumphantly as he could without waking the kids, earning a groan of relief from you.

“For today,” you sighed, “you should’ve seen them at the centre, they looked like they were in so much pain. Let’s just hope they recover soon.”

Walking into your bedroom, you’d gone to shower first, Taeil lounging on the floor next to your bed using his phone as he waited. You were done quickly (despite the ache in your shoulders), letting Taeil shower as you took your time to get changed, searching through your drawers to find pain-relief patches.

Going over to your kids room, you’d turned on their night-light, sitting at the small chair you had near their bed and basking in the calm of their room for a while, the sight of them peacefully sleeping serving to calm your heart down a little more.

Taeil figured you were in the room when he hadn’t seen you in your bedroom after showering. Going over to your kids room after changing and opening the door slowly to find you in your children’s room, walking over to you and holding his hand out for you to take.

He’d looked different now, so much younger in his sleeping attire, his simple shorts and t-shirt a big contrast from his office-wear, his hair still slightly damp and messy from being tousled by his towel.

“Ready to go to bed?” He asked, earning a shake of the head from you.

“Me neither,” he huffed with a smile, stretching out a hand for you to take, and you’d let him pull you back to your room.

Sitting on your side of the bed, Taeil made his way over after turning off the light, the small lamp on your beside table casting a warm glow on where you were. About to pull you over, Taeil frowned upon spotting the pain relief patches on your bed.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, setting your phone down and turning, seeing him holding up the box of pain-relief patches, “nothing, my shoulders just kind of hurt, I think it’s my sleeping position and carrying the kids just now made it hurt a little worse.”

Taeil frowned, beckoning you over to the bed as he sat behind you, cross-legged, one of his hands going up to rest on your shoulder nearer to your neck, “here?”

You brought your hand up to grasp his, moving it just slightly, “here.”

Taeil tut his tongue in feigned annoyance, already beginning to dig his thumb into your shoulder, “you’re almost as stiff as me,” he snickered, “you see, this is what happens when you don’t let me take care of you more.”

You rolled your eyes, not being able to retort when you’d felt him apply more pressure on your shoulders, letting your eyes close briefly at the sensation, not knowing how much time had passed before he stopped, letting out a small huff of amusement.

“Better stop now, wouldn’t want you falling asleep like this.” He helped you paste the patches on your skin, tossing the box onto the nearby work desk, and you turned around to face him.

“How was work?” You asked, hearing him hum.

“The usual, I guess, there wasn’t much going on today other than working on my marketing proposal,” he yawned, “oh, right, Johnny told me to tell you he says hi,” he huffed, lying down on his side of the bed, his palm going under his pillow as he looked at you from where he lay.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “that’s cute. Can I bring over some lunch next week?” You lay down, rolling over onto your side to face him, feeling him roll over so he was facing you as well.

“For me? Or for Johnny?” He teased, making you gasp.

“Fine, I’ll just bring it for Johnny then since you don’t—”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Of course, you can.” He was quick to make a disclaimer, lest you really show up without his lunch. You sighed, shooting him a harmless glare.

“I think I’ll stay home tomorrow to look after the kids,” you yawned, hearing him whisper a small thank you, his thumb rubbing the skin of your waist gently, a yawn leaving him as well.

“You know…” you began, “today while everything was happening, there was just one thought that kept popping into my head.”

Taeil sniffed, nodding at you as he blinked slowly, prompting you to continue, reaching one of his hands out to brush your hair behind your ear, feeling the cold metal of his wedding ring graze your cheek in an ever so feather-like manner as he pushed your hair away from your neck absently.

“How good this neighbourhood is?” He joked, making you scoff.

“Yes, that was one,” you smiled, “but the other thought was…how thankful I was for you.”

Taeil fell silent at that, simply looking at you with a tired smile on his face, your words seeming to have filled him with even more love for you, if that was possible.

You heard stories about your friends who were struggling to take care of their kids when both they and their partners were working, and you knew that choosing to sacrifice your job temporarily was a choice you were willing to make, but you were thankful you had someone like Taeil by your side who was more than willing to do his part as a father, most of the times doing more than the bare minimum.

“What?” you broke the silence, not being able to handle him staring at you like that any longer even though you’ve been together for so long, making him shake his head, his movements almost seeming slower as he shifted closer, his hand going under your chin gently as he pressed his lips against yours.

Pulling away, he’d let his forehead rest against yours gently, a silent acknowledgement of your words.

“Love you,” he murmured, making you pout before leaning over and closing the gap between the both of you, kissing him a little longer this time. Pulling away reluctantly, Taeil had wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer so your head was now resting on one of his biceps, your arms wrapped lazily around his torso as well.

“Goodnight,” you murmured.

Taeil rubbed your back gently, “‘night.”

#taeil #nct taeil #moon taeil #taeil scenarios #taeil au #taeil imagines #I love taeil :(#nct 127 taeil #nct u taeil #taeil fluff #married life!au #domestic!au #established relationship au #hey google play that should be me #requests #husband!taeil #twins are so cute im sad

155 notes · View notes

aijee · 3 years

Text

is this a life update or a novel?

Hi all, long time no post! Nice to meet you new followers, and nice to talk to you again for those who’ve stuck around. Just as a reminder, my blog is as much of a fic blog as it is a journal for me to sort my thoughts.

In that vein, here’s a personal update. CW for mental health/anxiety, physical pain, big life changes. There’s lighter stuff at the end!

It’s been both a long and short summer for me, after deciding to quit work and focus on my mental health. I’m a millennial twenty-something whose mind, like many, is tragically crippled with the capitalistic and individualistic values America has brainwashed me with, so I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with being unemployed and depending on my parents. I’m extremely privileged and humbled to be in a family that still maintains income during unprecedented times. I’ve been trying not to let my internalized struggles turn into this self-imposed shame for partaking in pleasures (I remember second-thinking buying a digital comic book for hours). My parents often say, “We worked hard and struggled because we didn’t want our kids to do the same. Don’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself.” Nowadays, they add that I’ve worked hard during college and my post-college job; in their eyes, I’ve more than “earned” a break, especially after losing my graduation, summers, and trips.

I constantly wonder why I impose so many limitations of myself even more during a pandemic. While being aware of global struggle is important for not becoming out-of-touch, I need to remind myself that people don’t have to earn the right to play or be happy or enjoyment. Obvious lack of nuance aside, it’s crazy to think how much capitalism—largely the idea worth is contingent (work) productivity—has deformed my sense of what’s a basic human right versus what should be earned. I think I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I struggle with thinking in extremes; it’s either starvation or hedonism, and the latter earns far more societal vitriol. I think my Asian upbringing has made me hyperaware of what others could be thinking of me, regardless of how accurate those projections are. I’d fact, I rarely assumed positive opinions. Outside of external validation, I realized how poor my self-image really was. Tearing myself down before anyone else could rarely, if ever, softened the blow.

For the first time, I’ve begun to think that my life is my own and no one else’s. It sounds logical on paper, but so much harder in practice in real life, I’ve realized. This isn’t a constant or ingrained thought yet, often peaking in between longer and more familiar strings of anxiety. But it feels like an important realization during a time full of sadness and uncertainty, let alone in my lifetime at all.

And then I injured my spine.

It happened towards the end of the summer, when I was starting to feel more put-together internally. I felt so creatively productive (in avenues I don’t care to share online) and even closer to family. I had a ball revisiting old shows. I ate food I hadn’t eaten in years. And this was suddenly interrupted when, while showering, I was wracked with unimaginable, nonstop pain. I nearly passed out alone in the shower and barely managed to crawl to my bedside to call my parents; I was lucky they came home early. I couldn’t stop crying for almost twelve hours. I was terrified at the possibility that I may be paralyzed or my legs would be affected. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case, but I was bedridden and wracked with nausea. I could barely stomach anything, not even water. I couldn’t sleep. I was never brought to a hospital, either on the fear of COVID transmission. The whole time, it was so, so debilitating on a physical and mental front. My head was a nightmare.

Like a bad habit, some of my worst thoughts centered around productivity. I worried about the work I couldn’t do. I felt shameful about canceling plans with friends. I hated being helpless and not being able to take care of myself, and felt guilty for wasting other people’s time taking care of me. And yet, if I was someone else, even a stranger let alone a friend/loved one, I’d be scratching my head over why that person would think these things. Fuck work and other life plans, getting better is the most important thing because you can’t do any of those compromised activities if you’re not at capacity! Duh. Anxiety can really a number on you sometimes and it’s awful just how irrationality fuels the spiral.

I’m grateful to be back on my feet. I’m trying to hold on tightly to that victory, to this positive point that I have worked towards. It’s going to be a challenge to do my recovery exercises daily for my 2-3 month recovery period when I barely remember to floss. Moreover, I’ll be in the middle of moving and working full-time again in the next month, alongside the ridiculous anxiety over some applications and maybe interviews for a different part of my life. But I’m doing my best to take each day at a time and celebrate the good things when they come, however small. I don’t have to ace a final exam or burn my retinas studying for them to deserve victories because, hey, again, happiness is a right and I need to stop gatekeeping myself from it.

Frankly, the injury is largely why I haven’t posted sooner. I don’t think anyone should ever feel obligated to use social media when they aren't up to it. But I actually wanted to ease back into writing before I was injured, starting with this blog.

Some other positive things:

God, I missed the Avatar (Aang and Korra) series so much. What a damn good franchise, what a damn good magic system and world. IT’S. SO. GOOD, GOD. Revisiting it all and reading the comics while I was sick was the single biggest joy that kept me going. I hope the magic lingers for as long as possible.

Even in my inactivity, I’ve received some really lovely comments on my AO3. I read the emails primarily. It really warms my hear to see them. I revisited old comments recently, too, and they’ve helped keep me going and reminded me that I am capable of putting joy into the world.

I’ve taken a liking to Youtube playlist-videos and Spotify playlists that encompass a very specific story scenario, like “dancing with the villain in a masquerade ball” or “driving around the French countryside”, etc. Japanese 80′s urban pop is SO GOOD.

Smosh has been putting out such great content y’all. I was BIG on old Youtube (Nigahiga, Smosh, Michelle Phan, Jenna Marbles, etc.) and it warms my heart to see their renaissance. Amazingly entertaining and down-to-earth content. I don’t fall squarely into their demographic anymore, but the periphery is still fun.

Food is great. I love food still. I’ve eaten a lot of good food during this break. It almost pains me to go back to living by myself and eating healthier. :’(

I didn’t realize how expensive moving was. But, after living in the same apartment from sophomore uni to post-uni work, I’m moving into a bigger “adult” apartment with appropriately sized appliances instead of the mini student kind. The possibility of treating myself to a king-sized mattress and decorations is also very exciting.

It warms my heart to see people in my vague social circles indulging in home art projects, like paint by numbers and “diamond” painting. As a kid I thought “not real art” was a waste, but by god as an adult do I not give a shit about what “real art” is anymore. If it’s fun, it’s fun. That’s that!

That’s all I can think about for now.

#aijeepost

1 note · View note

themulberrytree · 4 years

Text

character sheet.

full name: Shallan Davar pronunciation: Sha-Lahn Dah-var (fuck IPA i am not doing that shit again)

nicknames: strong one (by hoid), love, dear (by adolin), storming woman (mostly by kaladin)

height: 5′6″ age: 19/20 (rosharan years) / 21-22 (earth years) zodiac: gemini (donut ask me when her bday is i donut have a date yet) languages: (spoken/written): veden (native), alethi, azish, selay (moderate skill in speaking only) thaylen (reading/writing only).

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour: rich, deep red, only red. eye colour: bright blue skin tone: shallan is very fair, though she spends as much time in the sun as she can, so her face is dusted with freckles. body type: slim and slender. unlike the curvaceous body type often seen on alethi women, shallan is much smaller both in figure and stature. she could be mistaken for delicate, at first glance. as she spends more time training with her blade, her body becomes much more defined and muscular, but she will never achieve any kind of bulky muscles, she simply does not have the body type.

accent: her natural veder accent would be considered low, given shallan’s isolation out in the countryside. she can speak in a more posh (re: acceptable) accent, but she has little reason to do so. dominant hand: right posture: shallan has the posture of a perfect vorin lady, back straight and shoulders back at all times. when sitting, her freehand always covers her safehand, placed delicately in her lap unless she is sketching. when walking, her hands are clasped in front of her. she is rarely animated in her posture when speaking, and depending on her company, she works hard to blend in. when alone, shallan may slouch when studying, or do her work in a very unlady like fashion on her bed. if she trusts her present company, they may witness this lapse in acceptable posture, but only if she trusts them.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth: jah kaved hometown: some hick town in the middle of the countryside. birth weight / height: 6 pounds, 3 ounces. 18 inches. manner of birth: natural first words: pa siblings: (all elder, all brothers) helaran, balat, twins: wikim and jushu parents: lin davar, and an unnamed mother, malise davar (step mother), all deceased. parental involvement: shallan remembers a somewhat happy childhood (although the likelihood of that being the case is up for debate). her mother taught her how to draw, and was in charge of shallan’s education in the early years. much of her early years have been forgotten due to the trauma of shallan’s witnessing (see: committing) her mother’s murder. she did not speak at all for half a year afterwards. from that point on, her father became overbearing, and with each year he was less of the man shallan had first known. he was violent towards two of her brothers and the servants, often scaring away tutors, so shallan’s education in those critical years was sporadic at best. her father demanded complete obedience, and any deviation on her part meant that a servant got beaten in her place. in order to spare them and placate her father, shallan worked hard to draw little attention to herself and obey. it was her father who also chose her devotary (purity) rather than her having the opportunity to choose for herself.

ADULT LIFE

occupation: she is the ward of jasnah kholin, having managed to convince the woman she was worthy of wardship at seventeen. after being taken in, shallan begins her education in scholarship, fine tuning her skills in making logic based arguments, study, and critical thinking.

on the shattered plains, she secures work with highprince sebarial as a clerk while maintaining the work in finding urithiru that she started with jasnah, and working to infiltrate the secret group known as the ghostbloods.

she latter assumes a more public role as a knight radiant, the first of the order of lightweavers in centuries. while her status as a radiant is known, she works very hard to keep her work covert. she deals in spywork and information, and uses her lightweaving to form disguises for herself and associates. she has also used her abilities to battle unmade, work oathgates, and help run reconnaissance in kholinar.

as highprincess, her duties would include helping manage affairs of the realm and detecting intrigue to better aid her husband.

close friends: lmafo what are those????? jk, her brothers, later adolin, renarin, kaladin, jasnah (sort of, more teacher/student) wit/hoid (when he’s around). relationship status: verse dependent, married to adolin kholin in canon financial status: her family is destitute, and shallan herself has little experience in personally handling money. that being said, she knows how to balance finances and plan expenses. when working for sebarial, she manages to secure a comfortable pay from him, her later marriage secures her financial security, though her status as a radiant could’ve done that too. driver’s license: she could probably drive, but would be terrible at it due to the fact that she’d keep lookin out the window. she has little experience on horseback, but can manage. criminal record: technically none yet, having managed to get away with murder twice. she had also stolen successfully from jasnah kholin.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation: bisexual romantic orientation: biromantic, could be polyromantic preferred emotional role: submissive (someone pls force her to accept comfort i am beggin) | dominant | switch | unsure preferred sexual role: submissive | dominant | switch | sex repulsed | libido: she’s basically DTF anytime and anywhere, and yes, i wish i were kidding, but she’s just horny on main. turn ons: she’s into more traditional kinds of attractiveness, people who look put together. but she really enjoys some kind of hint at wildness, hair that won’t quite stay, a kind of subtle ruggedness. post-battle disheveledness is HOT. allow her to talk about her studies, things she’s working on or wanting to start, she’ll love that. don’t be afraid to talk about your own interests, she goes off on her own a lot, so she’ll want someone with their own hobbies too. be kind, be willing to grow and change and share. be there if she asks. laugh at her absolutely fucking awful jokes. on the more physical side, not being afraid to show affection in public. that spot on the neck below the ear? yeah, kiss it. leave a mark. kiss the inside of her wrist. do not be afraid to be rough with her, she’s not easily hurt and she doesn’t always like being treated like a china doll. go to town. BUT you must also be good at taking your time. tenderness is a good trait to have in every day life, but if you can translate that into the intimacy of the bedroom, give her a slow buildup, ur golden. turn offs: unnecessary rudeness, lack of independence. anyone who treats her like she needs protecting, or thinks she needs to confine herself in some way, for any amount of time. never laughing at her terrible jokes, or indulging her seemingly random curiosities. being a skybreaker. love language: physical touch is primary, but quality time and words of affirmation are also great. relationship tendencies: shallan has a tendency to fall fast. even when she’s telling herself to be careful and take things slow, it’s easy to pull her in and have her grow an attachment on a superficial level fairly early. she’s good about letting the other person lean on her for support, but she’s not so great when it comes to sharing anything deep about herself. she has a habit of trying to mold herself into what she thinks the other person would like, and clinging to that. if confused she might play around with feelings, though she’s not fully aware she’s doing it. she’s big on positive reinforcement, she’ll let you know if she enjoys your company, and when she’s invested in the relationship, she’ll look for fun ways to spend time with that person. she might attempt to appear more serious and mature than she is, but her silliness will slip out. when she loves though, she loves completely, and a distracted heart is settled once she makes a decision about what she wants.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song: flowers, from ha.des.town iris, goo goo dolls moth’s wings, passion pit: this is more a general vibe. i picture it when shallan is in a creative spurt. sun, sleeping at last: for the same creation aesthetic. fire drills, dessa (for when she finally Snaps. and also some lines just really Hit)

hobbies to pass the time: drawing is the big one. she’s always got her sketchbook and something to draw with on hand. it’s an art she’s perfected and uses it both for her lightweaving, and to relax. she enjoys scholarship, exploring history is of a special interest, but taking a closer look at the local flora and fauna is just as fun. she’s naturally curious, so if something grabs her attention, she will want to take a look. she also enjoys discussing what she’s working on with other people, sometimes just so she can use them as a sounding board, but also because they might have insights she doesn’t. it’s very fun for her to explore ideas. she likes going on walks, exploring the area around her. just spending quality time with people she enjoys too. mental illnesses: Dissociative Personality Disorder is the big one. ADHD, PTSD, some depression. physical illnesses: None. left or right brained: right fears: CONFINEMENT. she fears vulnerability and relying others, but she also craves it quite a bit. she fears being understood completely because she’s certain there isn’t anything left to love if someone were to see everything. she fears what she can’t understand, and losing the people she loves, more than she already has. self confidence level: extremely low. she projects an air of self confidence, but frequently downplays her talents. she finds it completely astounding that adolin might actually find her attractive in any sense, let alone be interested in her as a person. her trauma and what she precieves as crimes has left her feeling hollowed out, because she is so terrified of someone really Seeing her, she works hard to hide those corners of herself from others and often feels like she’s failing at even that. vulnerabilities: shallan keeps secrets. too many of them. and she can often dig herself into a pit and struggle to get herself out, and even when she’s in that deep, she has difficulty asking for help. she doesn’t always think things through. her dpd can leave her particularly vulnerable depending on which personality is in control (veil in particular has trouble seeing the Big Picture). it’s easy to goad her into a fight (of the verbal variety) and she will stop at nothing to have the last word. if you have members of her family to hold over her, that’s a good tool. and shallan cannot resist a good mystery, that is a surefire way to pull her in.

tagged by: @luck-crowned tagging: @marblecarved (for mary, emma, or horace!), @melnchly (meg or ros), @minastiriiths, @arturiusrex, @gxtenoughnxrve, @ambiidexter, and @arborvitas

#c. shallan #this took me several days of fact checking the books for some shit lmafo #anyway meet my garbage daughter

13 notes · View notes

eclecticlanie · 4 years

Text

Child Spirit claps back!

OK! SOOOO. A little back story first. I left my first husband 10 years ago. I left EVERYTHING with him except my daughter. I use to write novels (never published), songs, poems, draw all sorts of artwork, and my clothes were my life (I was particular about my fashion choices). I left everything: books, original artworks, basically my soul and identity. When I left I did not write or do any art ever again. I had to focus on being a first time mother, go to work full time, and school full time. I had a new identity that left no time or room for who I was from that day forward.

My Hubs (2nd husband) produces Drum and Bass music and has since he was a teen. I support and help him as much as I can doing whatever I can (singing, speaking, picking out sounds, synths, etc; telling him to remove certain things that don’t work well, so on so forth). He has always taken music seriously and wanted to go much further than he has with it in the past but has held himself back due to fears of being in public eyes and what the media could do to him. Understandable.

We decided recently to go for it-to take this to the next level if we could. In this process, Hubs decides I need to unpack that 10 years of exiling my talents. He bought me a notebook and now hounds me to speak to him so he can write or have me write my own songs and poems again. I say hounds but really he is trying to inspire me and find me a muse, there is no true negative connotation on it. I am just naturally pessimistic. Hubs is most definitely an optimist and before anyone asks, yes, sometimes it makes me sick (figuratively). In reality we balance each other extremely well. I never have had a more healthy relationship with anyone other than my mother in my life with the exception being Hubs. He is my everything, next to our kids.

So that brings us to today. We, Hubs and I, are in the kitchen. I am cooking ground beef to make tacos on the stove. We were talking about how I don’t like my voice on recording but I do like it raw and natural and how I don’t understand why I feel I sound different on recording versus not recording. I then decide we need to discuss what we want to change and not to change if we happen to go next level with this music endeavor. As I leave the stove and go into the fridge (literally the fridge is next to the stove so it is only one step away) to make a glass of soda, I ask, “If we do go next level what do we want to stay the same and what do we want to have change?��

I turn around with the soda bottle in hand to go to the counter where my glass is waiting and Hubs is standing. I see a child standing next to him that isn’t mine with sandy brown or sandy blonde hair down to its cheeks. I’m not entirely sure which would better describe the kids hair. I assume it’s a non-binary child right off the bat. This child scares the shit out of me. It was not there prior to this moment. I never have seen this child before in my life and it is standing next to Hubs. I let out a short loud scream upon seeing this child and at this exact moment the child swings it’s hand and hits my Hubs glass of soda out of his own hands. The glass went up then hit the floor. It did not shatter, break, or crack. It was in one piece. Soda was on my upper and lower cabinets, on the floor and the side of the stove. The child was gone. Vanished.

“What was that?” Hubs looked at me.

“I don’t know why i screamed like that.” I tried to rationalize with myself, “It was a child.”

I pour myself a glass of soda and go back to cooking. Hubs and I discuss what just happened and didn’t continue the previous conversation we were trying to have about our possible future. We agree to invite the ghost upstairs to have a conversation via tarot after we eat dinner. Tacos took maybe another 3 minutes to cook and construct. We ate at the stove and the kids ate at the dining table. So a whole ten minutes maybe passed before we ran upstairs and grabbed my Nightmare Before Christmas Tarot Deck, pendulum, and pendulum board.

I’m sitting on the bed and my back is killing me. This spirit is sucking my energy to stay present so I can receive it’s message. I start shuffling and right out of the gate cards are spilling.

The first five:

1. XIX The Sun:

Directly from the guidebook:

“When cloudy skies pass, the sun comes out, shining warmth and happiness on everyone’s lives. The excitement, renewed energy, and joy Jack experiences when he discovers Christmas Town perfectly embody the energy of the Sun tarot card.

Upright: If you’ve been sad or troubled lately, the Sun is a sign you’re about to feel a very positive shift in your life. Use this rejuvenating energy to reconnect with good friends and enjoy yourself. There’s so much enthusiasm in this tarot card. It signifies a powerful time for inspired brainstorming.”

Interpretation: I believe this represents both the child I seen and the situation. The child had no ill or negative feeling. It was a joyful and happy child. As for the situation, the Sun is calling me out on how I’m very negative and down on myself and that positive things are happening in my life. I need to start removing myself from being pessimistic and join ‘Team Optimistic’ by following through and doing as my Hubs has been pushing me to do.

2. XVIII The Moon (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Moonlight illuminates Jack in the graveyard as he reflects on his feelings. The moon represents a great lament, the subconscious, and intuition.”

“Reversed: In order to move forward, you need to be honest about your feelings, with yourself and others. Expressing yourself will life a weight off your chest and get you out of a melancholy headspace. The Sun is about to come out, and a new day will bring new possibilities.”

Interpretation: I was in the process of expressing my feelings on my voice right before the glass was thrown. I was being negative and hurtful to myself. The child did not like it and that is why they hit the glass to gain attention and to give me this message thus “the sun is about to come out”. I will be enlightened by the other side as to their feelings rather than focus on my own.

3. X of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“Upright: X of Needles indicates something is coming to a painful ending. Whether this refers to a friendship, relationship, project, or job, you may be left with heavy emotions. Give yourself time to grieve, but trust that it’s for the best. Fresh beginnings are ahead!”

Interpretation: The 10 years I am unpacking is the means to an end. The hurt will end. I’ve hurt myself enough. My talents no longer need to be buried and not used. They are valid and need to be expressed. They will bleed and feel rushed because the flood gates are now open.

4. Queen of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“Upright: The Queen of Needles is intelligent, intellectual, and sensible. She takes time to make up her own mind and isn’t easily swayed by trends, fads, or popular opinion. Fair and practical, the Queen of Needles shouldn’t be underestimated. This card is a call to remember how strong you really are.”

Interpretation: The child is

5. III of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: III of Needles reversed symbolizes coming to terms with the past It’s time to pluck the needles out of your heart, and let it heal. Nurse your wounds and go forward.”

Interpretation: I need to let myself move forward and not punish myself. I need to allow my gifts to thrive and be of use in my life.

I decided to use the Pendulum board a little bit to confirm everything I had seen. I asked the spirit if I was correct with the sandy brown-blonde hair color. The pendulum swung ‘yes’. I continued, “Definitely not a red head then.” The crystal swung ‘no.’ “Is there more you want to tell me?” ‘Yes.’ I picked up the cards and started shuffling again. Five more cards popped out.

6. IX The Hermit:

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Hermit is a thoughtful, introverted figure who likes to spend his time ruminating alone--like the Creature Under the Stairs.

Upright: Now’s the time to get inspired by example and withdraw for some quiet alone time. The Hermit calls for reflection, so do a bit of soul-searching. Consider your current position, goals, and dreams. Remember your past, and learn from it so you can bring those lessons with you into a successful future.”

Interpretation: The child wants me to really look deep into myself and accept who I am.

7. III The Empress (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Empress is a maternal, nurturing figure who enjoys self-indulgence and life’s creature comforts. Our Empress is the Corpse Mom, who is often seen leading her child on a leash.”

“Reversed: Are you being too hard on yourself? You may have been feeling self-critical lately, but beating yourself up about perceived failures and flaws won’t help. Be patient, and give yourself room to make mistakes--they’re learning opportunities.”

Interpretation: I couldn’t have interpreted this card any other way than as they described. I needed to stop bullying myself. The child seemed very adamant with this message.

8. IX of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Has your confidence been dealt a blow recently? If you’re feeling low, you may be your own biggest bully. Start focusing on your positive qualities instead of fixating on your perceived negative ones. A shift in perspective is what’s needed to get you out of despair.”

Interpretation: Again, I couldn’t have interpreted this card any differently. I need to get my head out of my ass.

9. VI of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“VI of Needles usually indicates you’ve been through a difficult time. Have you recently been in conflict with someone or experienced an unexpected setback? It’s time to pick up the pieces and get on track again.”

Interpretation: I need to make peace with myself, pick up the pieces I left behind and put them where they belong in my life-not outside of it.

10. Queen of Candles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: The reversed Queen of Candles lacks self-confidence. Have you been giving too much attention to the opinions of others? Don’t stifle your ideas and lose your voice. Make time for a bit of soul-searching, and express yourself. Don’t worry what others may think. You have so much to offer!”

Interpretation: Another hard one! All jokes aside, this child couldn’t have been more direct. I need to keep my opinion on myself out of the picture. I need to use my voice-literally. I need to see the value in me and gain confidence.

I then started telling the spirit I really understood the first time around about their message. Hubs is half laughing at me that I got called out by a child ghost. I continue to state out loud that I understand I need to be nicer to myself and use my talents with the focus of the future in mind. I also state that my back is really starting to kill me and that i would like it to leave if it had nothing more to say. I start shuffling and what do you know... Five more cards...

11. XIIII Death (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Death is often a feared tarot card, but that’s just because its misunderstood. It’s a card of transformation and transition-beginnings and endings. Like the creaky, old gates in Halloween Town’s cemetery, the Death tarot card is a spooky symbol of change and transformation.”

“Reversed: Are you putting off a life-changing decision? Resisting change is impossible and will only cause harm in the long run. Letting go of the familiar can be tough, but trust that accepting transition will make way for positive, fresh beginnings.”

Interpretation: Clearly a change is coming. Whether it be my attitude about myself or how I manage my mental health? Only time will tell.

12. IV of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Here, the restful energy of the IV of Needles card becomes static. Are you feeling stuck? Have you reached a plateau? It’s important to shake yourself out of your routine. When you take a different perspective, you’ll see you have all kinds of opportunities around you.”

Interpretation: I need to look outside of the box when I think about myself.

13. XIV Temperance (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Like pouring magical potions into a cauldron, Temperance represents the act of combining different elements together in perfect harmony.”

“Reversed: If life is feeling hectic, it’s time to bring things back into balance. Pay attention to areas of your life that may be a little neglected. The recipe for success requires a pinch of self-reflection and a dash of Temperance. stir thoroughly, and enjoy.”

Interpretation: I need to balance my negativity with positivity.

14. IV of Candles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“IV of Candles represents celebration. People are recognizing your accomplishments! You’re feeling stable, secure, and comfortable. Be proud of yourself and enjoy the attention, but remember there is still work to be done when the party’s over.”

Interpretation: Although, at our current status as a family, we are successful and doing decent for ourselves but, individually, we can always work and build our characters.

15. III of Presents (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Reversed, III of Presents represents an imbalance within a professional or financial collaboration. If you’re working with others on a project, make sure everyone’s doing their part. Disaster strikes when things become inequitable. Prioritizing teamwork will get you where you want to go.”

Interpretation: I need to be more open about my thoughts, opinions, hopes, fears, etc towards Hubs on this new adventure.

With this I felt a lot of my back pain let up. I started to slip the cards back into the deck and shuffle them again just to give them an after reading cleanse. Hubs randomly states he was thinking about splurging on a cyber whip rave toy and then another two cards popped out.

16. XX Judgement:

Directly from guidebook:

“We all have pivotal decisions to make in our lives. Will yours land you on the naughty list or the nice list?

Upright: Now isn’t the time to be hasty and impulsive. Consider your actions and choices carefully, and take time to think things through. Remember that all actions have reactions. Be sensible, and stay true to your conscience.”

Interpretation: The Childs leaving statement is to be mindful as well as ‘you do you’. Apparently, Party time is not on its list of things to do. I may have taken this a little condescendingly. This ghost doesn’t like to have fun.

17. IV of Presents (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Is your relationship with money healthy? Is it getting you where you want to go? If not, it may be time to look over your budget and reevaluate your priorities. Make sure you’re not spending frivolously if your cash flow can’t support it right now.”

Interpretation: The spirit child was telling us to maybe not go out and buy a light up whip to dance with. No parties for you! Well... In our house, raves will persevere! GLOW STICKS OUT! RAVE ON!

1 note · View note

bbq-hawks-wings · 5 years

Text

There are times when we get caught up in black and white, either/or, and all or nothing. We forget sometimes to breathe, step back, and find the gray in between. Sometimes we recognize that those hard lines in the sand are drawn more out of habit than any concrete reasoning we can immediately muster, and that there isn't really a justifiable reason to place such great emphasis on separating the thing in question in the first place. Opinions on evaluations of fictional characters are held in extremes as marks of character and points of contention within fandom far and above what they usually should be.

For many, fandom is a form of escape above mere entertainment. Comfort characters garner a following of people who often share enough commonality to bolster each other and bind them together in support as they cheer on and vicariously live through each and every one of that character's victories. Occasionally, though, these characters can end up having the exact opposite effect.

Even putting my personal feelings about Takami Keigo aside, I've always been fascinated by what he objectively is as an anime character. Though I fully recognize that removing myself from the equation is difficult, if I had to put my impression of what he is in the industry into words I'd say he feels like lightning in a bottle. It's not often in anime I find a character with such an appealing and striking visual design within his own series and next to characters of any other series, alongside such an endearing and clearly defined characterization in the way he's written and the way he acts - the whole combination of which is more powerful than the sum of its parts is something I can only describe as plain and simply "appealing" - and the mundaness of the word betrays the profound extent to which that definition applies. Almost anyone in the world could look at that character with no prior knowledge and say and say, "I like him." Almost anyone who might venture to look a little deeper would probably say at the very least, "Yup, I can appreciate that character exists" even if it stopped there.

There's likely far more of these kinds of characters in anime than I give them credit for, but Hawks has struck a chord with me in particular that resonates far more than most other examples I could think of. He's done the same with many more, I know. I am not the only Hawks-centered meta/analysis blog on this site alone by any stretch of the imagination. I wouldn't be surprised if my own more-often-than-not, self-indulgent interpretation of events has however many more rolling their eyes at my work. I experience the same thing myself on occasion in regards to content I disagree with (all in good faith, please understand - we all have different tastes and viewpoints and that's a good thing), but in this particular context I find something exceptionally bittersweet in it.

For some, it's simply bitter because they place an emotional stake in the ultimate fate of Takami Keigo far above what I do - something that's much more personal and valuable than I often realize; or maybe I do, but those reasons why simply strike far more deep and personal for others than I can personally relate to.

From the very beginning Hawks has been framed in the moral gray of the greater context of the My Hero Academia lore. He is not all good but not all bad. The way he interacts with others comes across as cold and calculating, but his inner thoughts betray a warmth and depth that's deeply endearing. The contrast of the massive good he seeks to do despite the profound wickedness of his upbringing has captured the hearts of many and has them thinking more or less the same thing, "This character has such an undeniable amount of good in his heart that he deserves to end up happy after all the pain he's been through."

"He deserves to be free. He shouldn't have to be alone anymore. He should do what makes him happy, not anyone else." Every single Hawks fan I've heard from has echoed these same core sentiments, though it's taken many forms.

Herein lies the near paradox of his fanbase, ironically befitting his ambiguous nature: the very traits that endear him to individual fans are often the context and lens by which they define the key to the ultimate happiness they want for him, and that spectrum is a wide one to the point of having one of the most diverse dedicated fanbases to a single character I've ever seen.

Just as an easy example, for someone who latched onto the fact he was used like a literal tool for others' gain, they may see the key to Hawks' happiness in rebellion - kicking the system, fighting the man, going apeshit for once next to people who also are tired of being trampled over.

For someone who recognizes his unwavering desire to do good and help others despite his developmental environment may see him being handed the reins of his own life back to him as his ticket - to have the choice of saying yes or no, to be able to keep going or just fly away merely because he wants to.

I have to pause and emphasize that they key to understanding both perspectives is catharsis for the audience in question, and while I have my own opinions as to which is more befitting to the character as written, I am placing equal emphasis on both interpretations as valid reasons to root for the ultimate outcome in each scenario.

This is all in response to comments I've received thanking me for being so steadfast and vocal in my insistence that while Hawks' formal allegiance may change, his heart and the way he feels towards heroes in general will not. I may have my personal preference and own interpretation of what that will look like in the end, but the key takeaway is that I don't see him bucking the entire heart of the hero movement in hopes to get back at the Hero Commission.

However, that isn't to say I don't understand or look down upon those who either genuinely have come to a different conclusion or would just rather see it happen because it would be more satisfying or interesting for them in particular. I also wouldn't be sore if it ended up coming to pass assuming the buildup to that point felt appropriate and genuine as I don't see it as an impossibility for his character. For me, it doesn't have to be a point of contention driving a wedge between different Hawks fans.

So if you ever feel frustrated or upset at the amount of support in your preference or lack thereof in your desired direction, don't let it get to you. While others have their own reasons for wanting the ending they want, the overall result they want from him is more than likely the same as you.

I asked a completely informal poll giving people an either/or ultimatum for where fans personally wanted him to end up, purposely leaving out a potential third option; but the replies I got overwhelmingly echoed the same one regardless of the false either/or I intentionally planted, "I have my preferences for where I want him to end up, but really all I want is for him to be free and do what he wants in the end because it's what HE wants to do."

That's amazing!

Simply by virtue of my own audience or the way it rippled through the community it could be biased in any direction, but when at least HALF of the total responses say, "Neither" in some capacity regardless of a forced preference I think it's safe to say that we all have a lot more in common regarding this character than we often realize, and he isn't even real!

Hawks was always gray on purpose, and I really hope at the end of his arc we get something that pulls together and unites the other characters in the series as well as the fans because I think that's the point of his character to begin with. I doubt everyone will be completely happy with the outcome off the bat, but as long as it's genuinely satisfying from a character development standpoint I hope we can pull together in support knowing we can't always get what we want, but it was a good run - plus there's always fan fiction for when the author got it wrong!

For real, though, let's get excited together. Find your corner, but follow the character not the crowd. You don't have to think of them as perfect, and sometimes the characters that even end up disappointing us the most stick with us longer. We can always dig a little deeper to find out why they did what they did, or why we want something so badly for them, and even just acknowledge when we just want what we want because we want it. That doesn't make us bad people or bad fans. Fiction is usually written to be enjoyed - HeroAca definitely not an exception to that general rule - and tastes in entertainment vary far and wide. Any one series with that variety of expectations aimed at it just can't satisfy everyone so I'd personally rather it stick to the story it was trying to tell from the beginning instead of succumbing to a popularity vote, even if I didn't get the ending I wanted.

I just hope this was a comfort to some of you and an olive branch to others in case you were feeling down about how others viewed your comfort character or just caught up in another ultimately pointless fandom war because it happens. Maybe we can even use it as an exercise to see things from another viewpoint to understand their perspective and realizing it's okay to agree to disagree. I don't want to put this in the character tags because I think there are plenty that don't need or want this content but still those that do who will find and share it in confidence. This isn't about sides or even being right. Let's enjoy our favorite character together and watch him be happy in the end, however that ends up being.

#she speaks

13 notes · View notes

onefic-at-atime · 5 years

Text

The Reset (Button)

A/N: this is a very self-indulgent fic. And also the first part of what I hope to make a series! This chapter can be read as a stand-alone. In this fic, the events of endgame never ever happened besides everyone coming back, Tony and Nat are alive and Steve never went back in time. Also thank you to @mattaretto for beta reading this.

Summary: After retiring, Steve wants to give back to the community. And there is no better way to do that than holding babies and falling in love.

Warnings: EXTREME fluff, some angst. BABIES! Lots of babies, lots of baby talk and Steve being very domestic.

Word count: 3619

You, a doctor, went with the blip. And in the middle of stabilizing the NICU when you and half of the newborns disappeared. It had been lonely and quiet, you were floating. Then you came back as is, in the same scrub uniform with your mask, disposable gown, gloves, and hair bonnet. Some of the isolettes were occupied, but the ones who went with the blip appear in the same units. Quickly, you called for help with the ones in critical condition prior to the snap. When everyone was calm you went and hugged each person on your team and greeted the newcomers.

Weeks after the blip, all except one newborn who blipped were ready to go home with their families if they had a home. You had a beautiful home in the suburbs and when you showed up someone else's dog was playing in your yard and the lock had been changed. Turns out your belongings sent to a charity because no one thought those who left would ever return. Somehow, you kept your job as a NICU doctor, but only because a couple of staff members had to return to families and have time to grieve.

You were on a sixteen-hour shift with only an hour remaining. You had done everything to find any remaining family for the only newborn you had left in the unit. The mother died giving birth, the father was in a head-on collision with a car going nearly 80 down the freeway when the driver turned to dust. Grandparents were in assisted living and too old to care for a newborn needing constant attention. With no other option, the child would stay in the hospital. The child was born 2 months premature and has congenital heart disease. He was way too small to perform any surgeries on his heart, so he is under constant care.

He was named Benjamin, it was a classic name, you thought. While taking care of him you ended up nicknaming him Benny. He was sweet and whenever you fed him or changed his diaper he wasn’t fussy or crying and he always smiled up at you. When you held him he would never squirm or cry, for once a baby liked you. It was two in the afternoon when you got a call from the hospital's front desk, someone was being escorted to visit Benjamin. You choke out a thank you to the receptionist and hang up, you walk over to Benny and let his tiny fingers grasp your bigger index finger. You pray that this is a relative that can care and have a home for him.

Your daze is broken when the buzzer sounds notifying you that someone is waiting for you to let them in. You grab all the necessary items a person must wear when handling Benjamin, the disposable gown, gloves, a mask, gloves and hair bonnet. Through the glass, you see a tall, broad-shouldered man with his back turned to the door. Opening the door, you clear your throat.

“Mister?” you say softly, the large man turns and looks to you with a broad smile, his face, a face you recognize from the tv and comics you read as a kid.

“Mister Rogers,” he answers you. “And you must be Doctor Williams the nice receptionist told me I would be meeting.” He reaches out to shake your hand. You quickly remove both of your gloves and shake his hand.

“I thought it would be ‘Captain Rogers’?” you joke lightly. He smiles softly and it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

“I’ve passed down the mantel to someone I trust, just Mr. Rogers now, but you can call me Steve.” he realizes he had been shaking your hand for too long and retracts his arm.

“Well Steve,” you sigh gently. “I am assuming that you are in no way, shape, or form related to Benjamin in there.” You look at the tiny baby who is now sleeping, letting concern cross your face you look at Steve again.

“Unfortunately not… I’m here to help socialize him. At least that's what the volunteer form said. So, feeding, holding… that kind of thing, yeah?” He looks for your approval and you nod your head in response.

“So a little protocol before we meet him, we have to wash our hands to make sure we prevent the transfer any germs, and then you’ll wear this disposable uniform any time you will be handling any newborns.” You explain the procedure to him as you start to wash your hands with soap and as warm of water you can handle. You slip new gloves as you guide him which pieces should be put on in which order. Once Steve is ready for the first meeting you guide him inside to meet Benjamin.

Leading him inside, he stops short. You hear Steve gasp softly when he notices Benjamin is the only newborn in the NICU.

You sigh and nod your head, “I guess people decided against having children fearing they would disappear too, we have had a couple more newborns, they were healthy and didn’t need to stay here. Benjamin… he’s the only one we couldn’t find any remaining biological family…”

He looks at you with a sympathetic smile and you return the smile. You open the incubator and lift Benjamin into Steve's arms.

“He’s big enough to be outside of the incubator for certain periods, but he has to reach a certain weight before we can give him medicine to help his CHD and if that medicine doesn’t help we’ll have to take action with a surgical procedure. I'm not a surgeon so I don't know what that will be...” Your sentence trails off as you look at Steve cuddling and cooing down at Benjamin.

Steve was in his own little world, he could hear you talking but didn’t pay any attention to what you were saying. He knew this wasn’t ending well for his poor old heart and his hopeless romantic attitude he had developed in his support groups, hearing stories of people finding love in their new world. Steve doesn’t quite know what his mother went through with him being a weak and fragile newborn, but he was confident Benjamin would live long and healthy. Benjamin had a tight grip on Steve's finger and the man felt his chest tighten up with pride, it was a new feeling, but he very much enjoyed it.

He broke out of his thoughts when he felt your hand rest gently on his upper arm. When Steve looked down at you by his side, you were smiling down at Benjamin in his arms.

“I… I Uhm. I nicknamed him Benny, I know it doesn’t make a difference to him, but for me it makes me feel like I'm more than just a doctor.” The cracking of your voice didn't go unnoticed by Steve. Clearing your throat, tears had clouded your eyes. All this had been too much in the recent months following your return to existence. You had no immediate family and anyone who was related… you can't say you ever knew them. So you kept to yourself, focusing on work, and that wasn’t helping considering Benjamin was your only patient until another baby came. And you didn't see that happening soon.

“My shift is almost over for the day, Steve. You are more than welcome to stay for as long as you like, but visiting hours end at 8 pm. I have to clean up and get everything ready for the next person. If Benny gets hungry we have bottle formula in the blue cabinet,” You point to the cabinet he will have access to, then pointing to the rocking chair, “and there you can sit and rock him. By the time my shift is over, we will probably have to put him back in the incubator.” Steve is lightly rocking Benny all while nodding along to your instructions.

While you mill about organizing important files and cleaning tools and instruments, Steve slowly waltz around the room with the baby in his arms. He stops by the heating cabinet to grab a warmed bottle of formula. Testing the warmth on his inner wrist, it seemed perfect for the sweet little boy in his arms. Everything seems perfect at the moment that the child's dark eyes stare up at the tall blonde man. The man then makes his way to the rocking chair and adjusts Benjamin as needed. The baby seemed so tiny compared to the enhanced man’s stature, like the ragdoll's girls had when he was younger. Steve lifts the bottle to the baby’s face and he greedily pulls it closer to his mouth, making a pleased little grunt when he starts to suckle.

That makes Steve chuckle, and a soft smile takes over his features as he watches the formula drip and slides down the baby’s face. He carefully brings a bit of Benjamins blanket up to wipe up the mess. The baby giggles like the action tickled him and Steve lets his hand caress the chubby cheek resting against his forearm. Steve can feel his chest tighten with pride again, at this moment… he gained an experience he never thought he would have. That of a father, holding their newborn, the machines beeping and whirring fading away, the hustle and bustle of the hallway outside the delivery room becoming a whisper. All Steve can hear… all he wants to hear… is the child. His child. Cooing softly, the grunting and winded breath… trying to take in all the milk he can.

That is what Steve dreamed of once upon a time, a time before he went down with that plane, even when girls didn’t give him the time of day he still dreamed that the right person would come along and have with him… everything they wanted or ever needed.

That dream is in the past now, Steves thoughts interrupted the daydream. The feeling that washed over him in that moment of being interrupted was cold, brittle and mean. A feeling all too often he had when he felt envious. But once again he is interrupted, Benjamin has grabbed on to the collar of his disposable gown and tugging it towards his face. Steve quickly stops the tiny fist from pulling anymore.

“I know bud, it is annoying and not soft but it's for your safety,” Steve says sternly with a soft face.

Steve looks around and notices you’re packing away some personal belongings into a small tote. He stands with Benjamin who has now finished most of his bottle, Steve removes the bottle and places it on a counter unsure of where to clean it or if he can clean it. He makes his way towards you, still bouncing Benny in his arms.

“All done boys, how much did he drink, I have to mark down his progress.” You question while brushing the formula from Benny’s chin. Steve then points to the nearly empty bottle and watches as you rush to measure how much is left. When you squeal and jump while clapping your hands excitedly Steve is a bit confused. Seeing his look you go on to explain.

“The more he eats the more weight he gains and the closer he gets to being able to be adopted. As long as he is big enough and the medicine we give him can stabilize his heart, he’ll be ready,” you're nearly vibrating with excitement while telling Steve this and you can see the grin on his face when he learns this information.

“This is the most he's ever had in one sitting, if you come back more often to be with him I'm sure he will reach the goal we have set,” You notice Benny is asleep and gently take him from Steve’s arms and settle him into his incubator. After you quickly pull Steve into a short hug and then push yourself away when you hear the buzzer sound as the next doctor comes in for their shift. You gesture to Steve to follow you as you demonstrate the correct way to dispose of the used uniform, you wave your goodbyes to Benny and the doctor and show Steve the way out.

You were exhausted but at this point, you didn’t even want to leave, adrenaline was rushing through your veins at the thought of Benny being adopted. It had honestly given you your last wind to make it on the walk home. Considering all your belongings had been donated, that meant your car too… there were so many court things to work out with that, unfortunately.

“Where are ya headed?” the voice interrupted your thoughts, you noticed yourself leaving the entrance to the hospital. You had clocked off without even paying attention. Soon you had your senses back and attached the voice to the face of none other than Steve rogers, the man you had spent the last hour with while he took care of Benjamin.

“Home,” you sighed. “I had a sixteen-hour shift and I'm exhausted.” You tried to say this as politely as possible, the short-lived adrenaline left you slightly irritated.

“Uhm.. well. Do you need a lift? Aha, I just noticed you ignored the staff parking lot.” He asked nervously while he lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. You hadn’t particularly noticed... Men… after you returned to existence, you even tried to ignore them. But something about the way his one size too small shirt that rode up to show a sliver of skin between the top of his pants and the hem of his shirt, the way his strong biceps flexed and pulled the fabric of the sleeve sure did make you notice something.

You quickly shook that thought from your head and smiled up at Steve.

“I'm not that far but a ride would be greatly appreciated.” With that Steve led you to his basic black SUV. Something you feel like he would never buy for himself. He opened the door for you and made sure you were settled before he closed it and went around to the driver's side. Steve climbed in and made sure everything was in working order before driving in the direction of your apartment complex.

“They donated my car when I disappeared,” you said with a sort of a scoff. “I don’t know how long they waited, but the family now living in my house had moved in months after I was gone.” Steve was paying attention to your story all while keeping his eyes on the road.

“They didn’t even try to keep personal items in case I came back..” At this point, you were close to crying. “I mean, I had no living family before this and… now I can't even look at a picture to try to remember what they looked like.”

Steve quickly looked over with an empathetic smile. He nodded slightly and then hesitated, he reached for your hand and gave it a bit of a squeeze. He continued to hold your hand as he drove. He then spoke very softly to you.

“That's… very similar to what happened to me. Going under the ice in the 40s, waking up in a new century, I never thought I would live to see. I thought I didn’t have Bucky waking up because he died then. I'll admit, everything seemed pretty ass-backward in this world and you woke up to a very different world.” As he explained this to you, no matter how many support groups you went to, you never felt closer to someone than at this moment.

The drive was short-lived, you had made sure to be within bussing or walking distance of the hospital. But ensuring that meant you ended up with the tiniest, crappiest one-bedroom apartment with the mean landlord to match. As Steve pulled up to the curb he let go of your hand. The next moment Steve was around the passenger side and opening the door for you to get out. You jump out of the SUV and land on the warm pavement. Making your way to the main entrance door and Steve was right following you, you turn to thank him.

“I appreciated the ride, sometimes I miss the buses.” You're looking down at your blue scrub pants and the white tennis shoes you are wearing. One is a little more scuffed than the other.

“It's no problem, honestly this area doesn't look the best for you to be living in. But ya work with what you have…” Steves smile lights up the space between you and him, and you smile back at him. He then pulls out a smartphone, once again… nothing he would ever buy for himself.

“Let's exchange numbers? So I can keep up with Benny? I'll try to come as often as possible but just because I'm ‘retired’ doesn't mean they'll let me be, ya know?” he hands over his phone for you to put your number in, and you do. Then you hand it back to him, he slipped the phone back into his pocket.

“Well, I guess I'll see you next time, okay?” He stepped back a little, seeming a little shy now.

“Yep, if you have any questions or just want an update, give me a call or text.” you turn to open the door to let yourself in. Steve makes his way to his SUV but then turns around.

“Hey!” Steve calls to you, and you turn to look at him. “See ya later, Doc!” you smile and wave.

“See ya later, Mr. Rogers!” After saying your goodbyes Steve hauls himself into the vehicle and pulls away from the curve. You watch him drive to the end of your block, turning inside to climb the stairs to your apartment. Sighing happily as you settle into your routine before bed.

It was about a thirty-minute drive to Steve’s cottage on the edge of the city. That gave him time to think about the short hour he had with the tiny baby, Benjamin. And of course, you. He took the time during this ride to reflect on the month after returning everyone to existence. He had traveled back in time to return the stones, left with an extra Pym particle he went back to visit Peggy. This was eye-opening for him… of course Peggy still loved Steve, but this wasn’t his world anymore. She had moved on, as bad as it hurt, but at that time Steve was dead. She married one of the men Steve had saved and went on to have children with this man. She was happy, and Steve was happy for her. He knew if he changed anything, it might take away the happiness she had now. So after finally getting that dance, he left… he went back to the familiar but cold world that he had been so carelessly thrown into by fate. At least Steve thought it was fate.

Even then, if it were fate, it had brought him to Benjamin. Fate had brought him to you. That lit up a warm fire in this cold world, in his cold heart. Well, Steve had never been cold-hearted, he thought. But that was a matter of opinion, he felt now that would be a thing of the past if anyone ever felt that way.

All the thinking he did got him through the drive home, home for him was a turn of the century cottage, two bedrooms, and one bathroom. A nice kitchen, a dining room, and a living room. Simple, just the way he liked it. He had someone pick out the furniture for him, it was something he couldn’t do himself otherwise he would have a lawn chair in the living room. Tony took care of that, an interior designer, but he had given specific instructions to make it family proof, leather seatings, throw rugs for the cold mornings, a large bed. The second room had been turned into a guest room and Bucky usually took up that spot whenever he stayed over too late watching whatever game was playing that night. Steve kept his fridge and pantry stocked reasonably for himself and only bought more food when he knew he would have his friends over. He had taken up cooking, Wanda had given him a couple of family recipes that were fairly beginner, but oh so delicious.

He entered his front door and locked it behind him. The lights flicked on by themselves, thanks, Tony. He went about checking out all the rooms before he could settle, a force of habit if you will. And when the house was clear he made his way to the kitchen, setting his phone and wallet on the counter, and opening the fridge to see what he wanted to make that night. He decided on a baked salsa chicken recipe that was easily for a family of 4. With an extra side of veggies.

After he set out the chicken to thaw, he picked up his phone, he scrolled through his contacts to find you. Fairly easy to find since you added emojis to the end of your name. He smiled down at the phone, you had added one of the female doctor and a baby head. Steve had very rarely used emojis, opting out to use the thumbs up and the smiley face. He then opened the message thread for your contact, empty considering neither of you had sent a message. So he decides to send a short text.

The text read, “Hey, its Steve. Thank you, for today. See you soon.” He kept it short and sweet, he hit send.

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #captain america fanfiction #marvel fanfic #mcu

64 notes · View notes

caffeinatedfantasy · 5 years

Text

The Seal pt 19: Empathy

{ Chris: [bio] [Prologue] [Story in Tumblr] [ AO3 Link From Beginning ]

–

“It’s convenient that texted me, as I’ve been wanting to talk to you since we got back from London…” Satan was smiling at me in that familiar customer service polite way that I was far too familiar with as he motioned for me to enter his room before him.

I smiled back at him, stepping inside, curious as to what he wanted to talk to me about. It was true, we hadn’t talked since London. I hadn’t avoided him exactly, but I’d enjoyed my time to breath the past two days. He waited for me to sit down [on practically the only clear space available: his bed] before he turned to me and spoke.

“Would you make a pact with me?” My confusion must have shown on my face, because he looked a little uncertain for a second, frowning. “Why do you look so surprised? A lot has happened these past few days, with you helping out with the body swap and everything, and I made a decision.”

And he proceeded to tell me exactly why he was choosing to make the pact with me. How what had happened, and what both I and Grisella had said to him during that time, had made him realize some things. Especially regarding Lucifer and himself and who he was. And it had me smiling. I was glad that he was serious. Regardless of whatever else going on, he was genuine and it was nice to see.

So when he offered again, this time with the reasoning, I nodded. “Of course, Satan. I’d be happy to make a pact with you.”

He nodded, smiling. And paused, as if considering something, suddenly looking a bit hesitant again.

“If we make a pact the normal way, my powers shouldn’t affect you like Asmodeus’ did.” Satan said. And I frowned. What exactly was he implying I’d done with Asmo?

“I thought that how I made a pact with Asmo was the normal way?” I asked him carefully. I wanted him to tell me what it was he was assuming I’d done differently. “Same way I made a pact with the others.”

There was a pink tinge starting to spread across his cheeks at that. And he was once again not quite looking at me. Same sort of reaction he’d had the morning I’d woken up groping him in Lucifer’s body. I wouldn’t have expected him to be so shy. Or so dirty minded.

“The method I’d been using hasn’t changed…” I insisted. He shifted on his feet.

“Very well, then, I suppose if that’s the way you’d prefer to do it…” He’d already slung his jacket off of his shoulders, hanging it on the back of one of his chairs, and as I watched, he began to pull off his sweater as well and the dots connected and I started to panic as he stood there stripping. His hands went to his belt and I had to stop him before he got the wrong idea, moving forward and grabbing his hands to stop him.

“Wha-What are you doing?” My voice squeaked. I had to look up at his face to keep myself from looking at his crotch. “You saw how I made the pact with Asmo and the others!”

He blinked at me in confusion. Then frowned, looking annoyed at me. He didn’t move his hands though, and mine were still covering his and I was acutely aware of how close I was to him and it did not help that Asmo had sent another wave of his lust at me earlier.

“That doesn’t make sense. With how you described how affected you are by Asmodeus’s power, the only way that happens is if you had made the pact through more than just a vernal contract.” He insisted. He was fucking arguing on me. And hadn’t I already told him specifically that I hadn’t done anything of the sort? With any of the demons? I’d specifically made the point that I hadn’t gotten involved like that. He was basically calling me a liar.

Fucking hell.

“I haven’t fucked Asmodeus or anyone else since I fucking got here.” I was firm, and my hands squeezed around his. “I already told you that.”

“You said you hadn’t gotten involved with Lucifer, that’s not the same as–” He started, annoyance growing in his own voice. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed by being called out or if he was so convinced I was lying…

“I wouldn’t be so constantly sexually fucking frustrated if I’d been fucking to get these pacts! If there’s anything different about Asmo’s pact it’s that I’m already fucking horny all the time around you guys!” My cheeks were burning and I was trying not to look at him, my looking down at my hands instead, and he pulled his back, but I kept mine there on his belt, my breath hitching abruptly. “I just get a fucking boost of it whenever I touch any of you, and it’s stronger with the ones I’ve made a pact with. Or the ‘sins’ that I’d be more likely to do back home.”

My fingers almost moved of their own accord to creep under his shirt and I realized I was being affected by him too. “Which is probably why right now, with Asmo having teased the fuck out of me before this, and touching you, I’m so fucking annoyed that I want to ride your dick until you just fucking shut up and stop arguing with me.”

My fingernails were already dragging across the skin of his stomach and his breath hitched again and his hands were on my hips and his shirt was half-way off before he even spoke. “And how much of that is from…” He didn’t get to finish the sentence because I’d finished pushing his shirt up and dipped down to press my lips against his chest, dragging my teeth across his skin. And I bit him. Hard. He hissed and I pulled back and away from him, realizing what I’d done. And frowned, muttering an apology as he straightened his shirt out.

“I don’t make pacts through sex, but I’m definitely being affected by you guys. And that is part of what I wanted to talk to you about today.” I told him, swiping a hand through my hair. “You know so much about magic, I was hoping you’d have an idea.”

He watched me for a moment, then nodded. “Then let’s make the pact. I’ll be able to get a better read on you once I have.” He cleared his throat, smoothing out the front of his shirt, and spoke again. “I am Satan, Avatar of Wrath, pledge myself to you, Chris… That we may be bound by an unbreakable pact. This I swear to you on both my name as well as the very blood that runs through my veins.”

“I, Chris River Samuels, the Last, accept this unbreakable pact.” Satan raised an eyebrow at my self-given title and I shrugged, a little embarrassed. “It’s a… Thing in my family. My brother was 'the second’ because he was named after our Grandpa, and, as the youngest, I kind of… Gave myself that title.”

Satan laughed at my explanation. And I felt some undue annoyance at it. What I knew was undue annoyance, too. He seemed to notice my mood because he stepped forward and placed his hand on my cheek, looking at me carefully, turning my head to one side, then the other. After a moment I pulled back, frowning.

“What? What is it?” Definitely annoyed.

“We touch you and you feel our 'sin’, right?” He asked me. And I nodded. “And with those you’ve made a pact with, you can feel it even if we’re not touching, correct?”

“Yes.” I was definitely getting some edge from Satan because I felt the annoyance creeping in. And it wasn’t even directed at him in particular. Just a general sort of anger building in me. I started chewing on my lip as he studied me.

“Is it just our sins?” His voice was even, and since this felt very similar to the conversation I’d had with Belphegor, I didn’t have to think about it as hard. Shaking my head, I knew I’d have to explain something.

So I did. Or tried to as best I could. What I felt like I could pick up from the brothers in general, and specifically those who I’d made a pact with. I couldn’t mention Belphegor, but I alluded to the incident with Asmo in the tub [he confirmed he hadn’t noticed anything going on], earlier that day with Mammon, and even just now. How I knew that Asmo hit me differently and my own belief that it was because in the human world that was what I was more prone to. [And let him know that while I wasn’t very wrathful, I did easily get annoyed and was feeling a low level of that from him.] How Beel’s Hunger and Mammon’s Greed [except for that moment of greed for affection] affected me the least.

But also how I’d feel snippets of things from them when they were very emotional. Mostly their satisfaction if they were indulging in their sin. He listened, only asking questions as necessary, letting me continue to explain as best as I could. Including how things had escalated since the retreat. Specifically since Solomon granted me his power. Eventually, as I wound down, he started his questions as he searched through his books for something.

“Would you say you’re an emotional person yourself?” He asked. And I told him that I was. I learned to manage it well enough, but mood swings were still common. “Easily affected by others’ moods as well? Especially extreme ones?”

More things that were true, and I let him know. He pulled out one book and started flipping through pages. “Clearly you’re an empath. But Lucifer had checked for all kinds of magic when you’d arrived, which means that somehow the magical aspect had been locked somehow. Strange that Solomon had been able to unlock it. His spell shouldn’t have been able to unless he’d been involved with sealing it and–”

I’d pulled up the hem of my shirt, exposing the tattoo on my stomach and wishing I wouldn’t regret this. He was bound to me though, I could order him not to tell anyone. He looked up from his book and saw it. And stared, open mouthed.

He definitely recognized what it was.

“I got this before Devildom. Before ever meeting Solomon.” I explained. “My ex booked us appointments for cheap tattoos and I did some basic research and found it and thought it was for protection and the idiot barely even got it into my skin right - definitely not magic, by the way.”

Satan was reaching forward and I let him trace it briefly with his fingertips. There was a flash of power at the touch and he was in his demon form. Not the one I’d seen him in at the formal dance at the retreat. but a far more pure demon form, with a glow and bones showing through his clothing, one that I had glimpsed of from a few of his brothers when they were angry. But he wasn’t angry. And it wasn’t quite… Whole. Like an image flickering over him. He pulled back his hand and he returned to as before.

“Solomon basically made the seal into a true one.” He said. “Like his ring. He basically gave you the power he held without meaning to.” He paused, looking down at his pages again and flipping to another page before holding it out to me. It was an old text about the Seal. “He basically made what was a bad tattoo into a copy of the ring on your body. Except that since it wasn’t meant for you, it’s not reacting the same.”

“What do you mean?” I paused, and decided to answer the more important question first. “Can he control me through this? Or… Or you guys?”

“No, I don’t believe so, not unless you made a pact with him to allow him to. But what I mean is, this seal was given to him by the angels and was intended to be controlled with wisdom. But – and I don’t mean this badly – you act based on emotion. Or at least your magic is meant to.” The pages talked about how the seal worked for Solomon. In vague detail, since this was written for demons, it seemed. Talking about what it could make the demons do and why it was so rare. “I don’t know exactly what it’s doing, but we’ll have to figure it out.”

I nodded, my head feeling a little dizzy at this. I was glad that it didn’t mean he could control me, but… I was definitely feeling frustration from Satan. He definitely didn’t know what to do right now and it was hitting me so strongly that I had to sit back down.

At least I was getting somewhere though.

#obey me #shall we date obey me #obey me fic #the seal obey me fic #obey me mc chris #obey me mc #fun fact - the whole 'the last' thing is actually also from me

4 notes · View notes

frostclawdragoon · 5 years

Text

Prompt #18: “Wilted Resolve”

((And now another completely self-indulging Fem!WoLMiqo and Exarch fic inspired by today’s prompt.

This time its ROMANTIC ANGST! 8D

Spoilers for Shadowbringers so it’s all put under the cut!))

Sitting on the edge of his most favorite watchtower within the Crystarium, the Crystal Exarch watched as the blue, cloudy sky shifted to soft pinks and oranges as the sun slowly began to set behind the distant mountains. He had completely forgotten what a sunset sky looked like, so when the night finally returned to Lakeland, he took every opportunity to watch the sky go from bright blue to a deep navy. He had to enjoy the little things like this while he still could, after all.

“Exarch?” Came the familiar voice of the Warrior of Light--or… Darkness, as it where. He looked over as she approached curiously. “What are you doing up here?”

He smiled from under his hood and held out his hand toward the sunset. “Observing your finest and latest work of art, my friend.”

She stopped, her ears and eyebrows flicking up in surprise simultaneously. He couldn’t help but laugh softly at her expression, it was… Very cute.

“Very funny.” She said as she set her hands on her hips. “But in seriousness, I almost never see anyone up here except guards on patrol.”

“Ah… I come out here to think.” He admitted as he looked back out toward the setting sun. “I enjoy feeling the wind on my face… And now watching the sun set.” He paused a moment. “... You never really realize how deeply something affects you until it's gone… Now that the sky is back, I cannot help but bask in the beauty of twilight.”

The warrior made a thoughtful noise in response, and stood quietly as she carefully considered his words.

“Can I join you?” She asked.

“Of course!” The Exarch exclaimed delightfully as he looked back toward her. “I would be most honored if you did.”

She smiled wide, then walked over closer to take a seat beside him, letting both her legs dangle off the edge of the tower. Quietly they sat side-by-side, watching as the sun slowly disappeared behind the mountain ranges of Lakeland. The Exarch couldn’t help but smile slightly with nostalgia, recalling a time long ago where they had done this very same thing. Sitting at the edge of that old broken road that overlooked the giant chasm at the base of the Crystal Tower… So many stories had been exchanged between them; her and her adventures against the Garlean threat, him and his adventures searching for remnants of Allagan history.

He remembered the day she found out he could sing… She would always get a look on her face, one small and shy that told him she wanted to hear one of his many songs; be it a song he learned from his parents or a song made up on the spot that always ended in laughter because of poor lyric choices. She deeply enjoyed his music, he could tell by the light in her eyes and the grin on her face, but she was always too embarrassed to ask.

“I don’t want to inconvenience you.” She always said.

“You could never be an inconvenience, even if you tried!” He always told her.

Oh those days… When things started off so simple and easy, when it was just them and their innocence and excitement for discovery… How he longed for a time again where they both could delve into the ruins of a lost civilization to uncover its secrets... He would give anything to be at her side again...

You never really realize how deeply something affects you until it's gone.

He frowned slightly. For years he had been nothing but determined to see his mission through to the bitter end. He could not be shaken nor deterred, no matter what was done or said to him. Everything would go as planned, he would see to that, no matter the cost. For those that could be saved, for those who had given their lives. His life to save millions, to save her, was a price he was absolutely willing to pay and he had made peace with that long ago.

Or so he had thought.

In that moment, when he sprinted out of the Crystarium and his eyes laid upon her in the flesh before him, his resolve all but wilted. In the time where he was from, she was gone. True he had expected to be awakened from his slumber to unfamiliar faces, but nothing could prepare him for the reality he faced: She had died and it had been too soon. Far too soon. Her life had been ripped away from her so unfairly and it crushed him entirely to learn of her fate. So when he saw her, alive and healthy, it took every ounce of strength he had to restrain himself. For so long he had wanted nothing more than to see her again, to talk to her, to be with her and share with her all his stories that he had collected over the years.

But he couldn’t. He had made a promise and he had to see it through, despite how desperately his heart yearned to be with her, he couldn’t. Too much had been sacrificed to reach this point, so no matter how loud his heart would scream, no matter how jealous, how envious, how much in love he was or could be, he would ignore it. He would ignore all of it. He had to.

“Is something wrong?” The Warrior’s voice stirred him from his thoughts, and when he looked at her, she stared back with concern. “You were frowning pretty hard.”

“Was I?” He questioned. She gave him a pointed look and he laughed softly. “My apologies. I was… Lost in thought.”

“If I may ask, what were you thinking so intensely about?”

The logical side of him told him to stay quiet or to make up an excuse. Any excuse would work; Vauthry, the remaining Lightwardens, something related to the Crystarum, anything!... But his heart… Oh his foolish, foolish heart…

“... There is something I have to do, something extremely important.” He said softly, the words falling out of him uncontrollably. He was fighting mentally himself for it. “But a recent event has shaken my courage and is making me doubt my resolve… So I am worried that I will not be able to do what needs to be done when the time comes.”

“I understand that.” The Warrior said. He stared at her in surprise. “But fear is part of the journey, you know? It takes courage to face those fears, to ignore those voices of doubt so you keep walking forward and keep growing stronger.”

“... Are you saying that you’ve been afraid…?” He asked.

“Of course! Everyone gets scared!” She answered. “But I have things to lose, family and friends, and that’s what keeps people like us going, right? We have to protect the things that matter.”

The Exarch stared at her, his eyes wide behind the shadows of his hood as a sense of overwhelming relief washed over him. He never thought hearing such words would bring him the amount of comfort that it did. Even more so, he never thought he’d ever hear the Warrior of Darkness herself say that she had been fearful at points her life too. He should have expected it, she wasn’t some kind of mechanical construct, but… To know someone that he admired so much felt the same way he did... That moments of doubt and fear plagued her too...

The sudden gentle brush of fingertips against his hand startled him, and he glanced down to see the Warrior’s palm resting against the back of his hand in reassurance. He looked up at her again only to be met with a warm, comforting smile that simultaneously made his heart swell in adoration and shatter with heartbreak.

“Whatever it is you have to do, I know you can do it. But don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, you have a lot of people here that would be glad to lend a hand.” Her smile grew wider. “You’re not alone.”

He ducked his head slightly, hiding his face further in his hood to ensure that if any of the tears welling in his eyes fell, she wouldn’t see them. “Thank you...”

In a moment of what he considered a weakness, he turned his hand just enough to allow his fingers to wrap around her own, to which she responded by gently squeezing his fingers firmly. Such a small gesture meant more to him than she probably knew. To feel her hand in his was the greatest gift anyone could have ever given him. it reminded him that she was really here, filled with warmth and life.

Strangely, as the minutes ticked away, she did not pull her hand away from his grasp, and he could only assume she sought the same comforts and reassurances that he did, or maybe she sensed his still lingering worries. Whatever the case might have been for her, he held onto her hand for as long as she allowed, occasionally giving a slight squeeze to remind himself that, for this one moment in time, they were here, together, and they were alive.

#FFxivWrite2019 #Crystal Exarch #WoLxExarch #I just wanted them to hold hands and be dramatic honestly sGDLFGMDFGLFD #my writings

18 notes · View notes