#not to mention that a lot of people in the comment section said the connection was unsafe which. it's just not a good look y'all

[rocksalt-and-pie]

they literally went "fuck the non-american part of the audience and also even if you're american fuck you if you're poor"

like, yes, of course artists deserve to be paid for their art! that's not the point here!

the point is that this just looks like a risky and not properly thought through business decision because what percentage of the fan base is left after cutting these factors from the demographic? and how many of those left are even willing to spend money on a handful of new videos per month? do they really think they are that competitive? do they even know their audience? have they done any market research whatsoever?

apparently they blindly assumed their entire american audience (how many are those? in numbers?) would sign up for this and keep carrying them forever, as if production costs would not continue to rise, inevitably leading to rising prices eventually (netflix started out as a $5 subscription site as well).

it just seems like a too hard cut to drop this concept (not to mention the alienating of the fans) instead of slowly moving towards that direction by for example offering different tiers (access to x amount of shows for $1, full access for $5, bonus content like that on patreon for $6, as well as free access with ads and sponsors). also, apparently there isn't even an app? like seriously what did they expect

[waywardmillennial]

Some thoughts on Steven's new show, and the hate that's been directed at him lately

spoiler alert: the tl;dr is that people's assumptions about the new food show being expensive meals aren't in the trailer and I'm happily subscribed to Watcher TV now!

One of the most awful things about this announcement has been seeing people attacking Steven specifically, and making a lot of assumptions about him. I (probably unwisely) spent a couple hours in the yt comment section and found things like this:

And then I saw this tumblr comment that do a wtf face irl:

Keith's new eating show is at Michelin star restaurants... to call that relatable and Steven not? Honey, that's either racism or some implicit bias you need to examine (I watch some TG content, it's fine to like Keith, but damn this take isn't it y'all)

But my main point is: No one said Steven and Andrew are going to be having expensive meals on the new show.

(yeah, remember Andrew is on the show too? but all hate is directed at Steven? isn't that interesting...)

That was Buzzfeed. This is Watcher. They aren't going to repeat themselves. Also, Worth It was about showing food across ALL price points, especially in later seasons once they had a more stable platform at BF. It was about giving chefs across cultures (especially Asian communities) a voice.

I re-watched the teaser for Travel Season, and I also signed up for Watcher TV (it was about $3.50/month with the annual discount promo) and I watched the full trailer for Travel Season. Guess what wasn't mentioned? Food at expensive price points.

Travel Season is going to be six episodes per season, all in one location, focusing on food and experiences that place has to offer. This is more economical from a production standpoint, because the team can travel to a location and shoot episodes in a batch. Similar to how they can get four episodes of TMS filmed in one night. Sounds like they are approaching Travel Season in a smart and efficient way.

stills from the trailer on WatcherTV.com

Sure, maybe they'll try some higher priced dishes at some point, but Travel Season is about culture and food - not about clickbait titles for Buzzfeed where they need to have $1,000 ice cream. If you've seen the food content Steven's made at Watcher (Homemade, Grocery Run, Eat Like Me) you know he cares about highlighting the connections between people and food, to share cultures and ideas with the viewers.

I am supporting Watcher's new endeavor, and hope they can make it work for more of their audience over time. Some people choose to pay $4.99/month for a Twitch sub to support one creator - which is their right. I am spending $5.99/month (but actually much cheaper for this first year) to support an entire company. If this works, Watcher could bring on other creators, as they've wanted to all along, and hopefully usher in an era of entertainment from a diverse group of independent creators.

Yes, Steven Lim took on the role of CEO of Watcher Entertainment recently, but the other founders still have an active role in the company. Like it or not, they all had a vote in making the switch to a streaming service. Singling out Steven in comments like those above isn't a good look for anyone.

[midnight1nk]

⭐️A few days ago...⭐️

Wow, what a wholesome episode! "The rosemary to my bread", dude, I hope my future partner will say that to me one day. Now that I had my weekly dose of silly, time to check the Puzzlevision website! Eh, I bet it's going to be the same as...

[*SCREAMING*]

WOTFI 2024 PREDICTIONS REVISITED

⚠️ DISCLAIMER IN INTRO POST ⚠️

An eye for an eye...

How are we feeling, SMG4 fandom? It's that time of year and many have speculated about WOTFI as well as what might come afterwards. Myself included with my previous theory posts, suspecting that something big is guaranteed to happen. And we didn't have to wait long.

On the 14th of September, just a few days ago, the channel's latest episode, 'SMG4 and SMG3 come up with an episode' was released. But what truly made the fandom lose their mind was the sudden change of the Puzzlevision website. If you need a refresher, here is what it looked like before:

It had:

[puzzlevision.tv] being the site title and URL

Mr Puzzles' logo

A central image that transitioned between a webp to a gif file and vice versa on certain occasions

(after choosing Save As option) the image already labeled as Now Airing

Now, there was talk about this that wasn't left originally, stating that the image (that used to be larger) now had a black border around it. At least, at the time. As someone who has worked with web design, there's actually a number of reasons why this is.

Depending on the resolution/zoom setting on your device, it might alter the site's layout.

As said earlier, the image alternated between a gif to a webp. All websites require a background color underneath all of its assets so the change in image/file size may have shrunk than what was originally. Especially if you are attempting to make it look seamless between the transitions.

Long story short, It's simply how web layouts are: formatting gets a bit wonky from time to time.

Anyway, as I already mentioned, the website has changed to this,

(supposedly someone said the password was "carnival")

Then, to this:

Changes include:

The title "War of the Fat Italians 2024" with a similar URL [www.wotfi2024.com]

SMG4 logo

A whole new layout design (obviously) which just gives off 'Greatest Showman' energy

And now we've come to the present day: fans have already submitted their minigame challenges and preparing for a carnival-themed adventure. For me and other theorists, though, we're having a field day. From the clues I gathered on the website and a few past episodes, I might be able to put together what the channel has for us this year. Let's revisit my "WOTFI 2024 Predictions"!

I already covered a lot in depth in my "Puzzlevision 2: Now Airing" theory [link] and I'll be referring back to it here, so I recommend looking it over if you haven't already.

THE WEBSITE

I was honestly surprised that I was right about a couple of things. The main one being about the website itself.

The people behind SMG4 didn’t need to put this image in, they didn’t need to keep this website on. But they did.

Well, past Ink, you nailed it. And according to Cube (FM), this is the same website host.

"don't read into it too much"

Cube, with everything going on, I might as well interrogate a website for memes' sake.

Wait, what's wrong with it?

The fact that the website is used for WOTFI of all things is what's so strange. All the previous WOTFI'S asked the fans to submit their challenges through the comment section or social media. No other option was involved until now.

Maybe they wanted to try something different like what they did for WOTFI 2023?

That's a good point. It was stated that they wanted to be more experimental with their episodes. But even then, the '23 stream they hosted was on their channel, on Youtube.

Maybe they didn't want it to go to waste? After all, sites can be expensive.

Again, it's a good point. Depending on the domain they used and the apps connected to the site, it can be costly. However, I do want to iterate what I said earlier: they didn't need to keep this website up. Better yet, if they didn't want to raise any flags, why not keep the site how it originally was with the "That's all folks!" image? Why the change? Which brings us to our next point,

WHO IS THE REAL SMG4?

Let me explain...

After the change of the website, we got this post,

This brings up a lot of questions:

Who sent the letter?

If we can assume that's Four's hand, why did the post say "you" as if there is a narrator?

If Four had no idea about a carnival coming to town, then why would he ask us to submit challenges for a carnival he's supposedly hosting?

Well, they're pretty easy to answer. We already established that Marty would come back to be the most likely antagonist for WOTFI. I mean, this cardboard cutout managed to own a pizza shop, a casino, an airline company, and a spaghetti sauce brand. It wouldn't be a surprise if he also happened to own a carnival. But as I said in previous theories, Marty isn't working alone.

He's working with Mr Puzzles.

Mr Puzzles was the one who sent the letter to SMG4 just as he did for Wren in Western Spaghetti (indirect or not). It hasn't exactly shown if the letter had his seal on it. Not that it needs to anyway, they would recognize his logo and know they can't trust what's inside this envelope.

Remember how I said in my previous theory that one of the ways Mr Puzzles could control SMG4 was for our blue meme lord to be his eyes and ears? In the latest episode, SMG3 comes up with the idea of a carnival coming to the showgrounds for a week, and SMG4 wanting to go on the baby teacup ride.

Mr Puzzles was there, listening to every word they said to each other. He has been since "SMG4: Inside Out".

Could it just be purely by coincidence and just something out of improv? Sure, the SMG4 & SMG3 side episodes aren't really connected to canon. But like, c'mon, the channel knew what they were doing. Everything has to be put into consideration.

If that's true, the narrator could be Mr Puzzles, the second voice inside his head. Or, for those who love the goop!4 theory, the voice could be the demonic goo slowly taking over.

Now, back to the post!Four and site!Four. If we can assume the Four from the post is our Four, then the one impersonating Four would be Mr Puzzles, once again controlling the events in WOTFI. This time, using his website. Like Cube said, Mr Puzzles is the same website host as before. Also, look at these two:

It would be too obvious if we see a PNG of Mr Puzzles on the website again so why not impersonate his narrative foil. Well, at least look dapper while you're at it.

Or, even better, Four does know about the carnival but either the goo or Mr Puzzles are erasing certain memories.

A GAME OF WITS

Speaking of the website, let's analyze the description:

Step right up, WOTFI is coming to town and we need your challenges but this time...WITH A TWIST! We're doing a carnival theme this year and we want challenges named like a minigame and a description of what they are! For example "Whack a Bob - Who can smash bob with a hammer first?" OR "Pizza Pie Peril- Survive giant pizza's raining form the sky' Guidelines - Please only 1 challenge per person - Nothing inappropriate - Please add your internet profile name in the 'name' field below Thank you and see you soon!!! -SMG4

Carnival theme, huh?

Well, last year's theme made sense. Three's notebook was stolen and was risked of getting leaked. With the casino being heavily guarded, Four and Three had to sneak in. A secret mission to take back a secretive object.

If this WOTFI has Marty and Mr Puzzles working together, then It would make sense for a businessman and an entertainer would come up with something like a carnival. The best of two worlds: fun and capitalism. Besides, the Showgrounds would be a perfect place to host it since it used to be an abandoned carnival and Mr Puzzles having something to do with the land ownership.

[SMG4: Our New Home // timestamp: 5:38]

Now, what is peculiar is the use of the term "minigame".

Ink, it's a carnival. You have to stick to the theme of carnival rides and games.

Fair, but this is WOTFI we're talking about here. If you win a challenge, you get closer to the end and win a point for your side. For WOTFI '23, every choice impacted the story and therefore the ending. If the SMG4 crew plays and wins these minigames, what do they get in return? And if they lose, would there be a punishment?

It will entirely depend on how WOTFI would play out, in three scenarios:

Marty is revealed to be behind the carnival at the beginning of WOTFI and the Crew learns that, in order to reach him, they have to win some mini-games.

Marty isn't revealed until the near end. The Crew only came because they wanted to have some fun for the day but learned that this was a sort of trap created by Marty (along with Mr Puzzles but they don't know that yet).

OR BONUS SECRET OPTION

Both Marty and Mr Puzzles revealed themselves to be the ones hosting the carnival, meaning it's less likely that Puzzlevision 2 would happen unless something else happens.

Then, there is the phrase "WITH A TWIST". Sure, it could mean that it would be different than our regular old WOTFI, just as it happened in 2023. But WOTFI 2023 also revealed the twist that Mr Puzzles was actually the one orchestrating the whole thing, sending the fax to Marty about the secret recipe and his theme scattered in the background in multiple episodes. We might get a twist by the end of this year's WOTFI as well. Bonus points if we hear a version of his theme again.

Back in my Puzzlevision 2 theory, I predicted that the final battle with Mr Puzzles would happen back where it all started. With the carnival coming into the Showgrounds, it comes back full circle.

ONE STEP CLOSER

There isn't much to change from what I predicted:

Karen would be a key character for WOTFI this year. Maybe Karen just wanted her kids to have fun for the day, or even the corporation, her former workplace, gave her a tip that Marty would be there.

The Crew would have to find Marty's absolute weakness since he's technically invincible.

And possibly Pedro coming back to assist the Crew somehow.

But now I have a new prediction, based on the latest episode:

SMG4's and SMG3's relationship would change to a whole new level. That Four may need Three for something or if Three realizes something about himself, it would change their dynamic regardless.

It's really similar to how it was for WOTFI 2023 with small bits here and there all coming back to a single episode. (The notebook, the duo's meme guardian powers, Four's forklift, Three moving out of the Internet Graveyard, etc.)

It's still too early to confirm anything, but at the very least, we now have some idea what WOTFI may be about as well as evidence to back up some of my theories.

Will we get goop!4? God, I wish. I was listening to "Friends on the Other Side" and I was just imagining scenarios of Mr Puzzles taking complete control of Four with the goo. If it doesn't happen for whatever reason, I'll write it myself.

Oh well, we would just have to wait and see. In the meantime, that’s just a theory…

AN SMG4 THEORY

🎶Thanks for dropping by🎶

[romanarose]

If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 2

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader/OC x Santiago Garcia

Join my general tag list (Comment to join the tag list for this fic)

Triple Frontier Master List

Series Masterlist : Read on AO3

Summary: Javi and Santi talk about where to start with Lorea; Santi thinks on his night with Candy

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it.

Additional warnings: Catholic guilt and religous trauma and religion talk. However, this is not an anti catholic page. We can discuss the problems of the church at large and the guilt that abstence-only and shame based discussions on sex can affect people, but my family is catholic and I have a lot of respect for the individual people, especially Latino-catholics.

For the record, this is a fic that takes place in the drug trade and deals with the darker side of humanity, so anything from Narco's and Triple Frontier is liable to be discussed or mentioned here. This is your warning. This is not a dark fic nor is it centered around dark themes like Leather and Lace or Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside, but they are open to be talked about.

Reader has a nick name: Candy. Not her real name just what she goes by on her profession. Much of the inspo for this and for the title came from the Bruce Springsteen song “Candy’s room” so check it out for the vibes.

Reader speaks Spanish and had hair. I've decided Candy is just latina coded bc she's a sex worker in colombia so this is what I'm doing.

3.1k words. Proof red by my beloved Fen

Perspective changed per section. When perspective is Santi or Javi, reader is referred to in the 3rd person or by Candy.

************************

You have Santi sat up on the bed, facing you. Well, Diego. That’s what he said his name was, but if he thought you didn’t know who the new DEA agent in town was, he was mistaken. After your 3rd arrest for prostitution, you got a lot more careful, and always tried to keep up with the police in the area. You wondered if he knew Javi.

“Alright Diego, tell me, what exactly is it you’re looking for?” You ask, but he looks confused, so you give a soft, warm sigh. He was one of those ones. “Are you just looking for a quick fuck? Getting to know each other and forming a connection, exploring things?”

Santi considered his options. “Well, maybe I’d like to learn a little bit… only had s-” He swallowed. “sex a few times… you know, lights off, missionary, couple pumps and done…” A nervous chuckle emitted from him, so you tried to ease him with a soft smile.

“Don’t worry, baby boy, we can do that. Let’s start with getting to know a woman’s body, how about that?”

*

“Garcia, wake the fuck up.” Javi’s voice broke Santi out of his daydreaming, making him snap towards Javi.

“Huh? Sorry.”

“Whatsamatter, pretty boy, got dicked down too hard last night?”

Santi’s eyes went wide at that. “Dicked-?!?! DICKED DOWN? JAVI!” He leaned in to whisper harshly, as if it was important enough to keep quiet but not so bad Santi couldn’t miss an opportunity to clutch his pearls. “Javi, you fucking know I could get arrested for that!”

“I’m joking, pendejo.”

“You shouldn’t joke about that!”

Apparently, Santi looked concerned enough that Javi backed down, raising his hands in defeat. “Tranquilo, tranquilo amigo, lo siento. Yo parare.”

A little shaken, Santi glanced down as he calmed himself. “Gracias, Pena”. He rolled his shoulders and shook his head before clearing his throat. “So. Lorea. What do we got?”

*

Santiago Garcia had never seen a pussy up close before. There’d been porno magazines, sure… and he’d… touched a bit. He wasn’t an animal, Will had explained he can’t just shove his dick into a woman, that could hurt her. No, you gotta warm her up first, seduce her, open her up. Santi heard more than he ever wanted to of the sordid detail of Will eating pussy. However, when it came to actual sex, Santi barely got through it without a panic attack. There was no way he was going to attempt to go down on a girl under those conditions. Still, he didn’t want to hurt her, so he made sure to finger the 3 girls he’d somehow bumbled his way into bed with.

He needed to do better. Candy was allowing him the chance to explore, get over his nerves.

“But I want you to cum…” He had insisted.

“Well aren’t you a sweet boy… I’ll make sure I cum, how about that? Let me worry about that.”

“But…” he had looked across at her. “But I wanna learn how too.”

She nodded with reassurance. “You will, trust me, I’ll teach you. Just for today, focus on getting comfortable. I’ll let you know what feels good and what doesn’t but what works for me may not work for someone else, so remember that. Most important thing is communicating and listening to her body, so let’s start there.”

That’s how he got here, flat on his chest with Candy’s legs spread out before him. Her pussy was glistening for him.

“Where do I… how do I start?”

Candy sat up just a bit on her elbows. “Start by just getting familiar, explore.”

So he did. Santi started with touching. His index and middle finger swept along her folds, moving and opening her up for his view. She was beautiful. He started with the top, the area just below her pantyline tan skin under a bush of hair followed by her folds coming to a head.

“That’s the clit, that’s very important.” She took his fingers and pulled back the hood. “Touch there” When Santi complied, Candy sank back down on her bed with a hum.

Santi felt a swell of pride at giving her pleasure. “Is that good?”

“Very good, pretty boy. Lot of nerves right there.”

He continued touching below, feeling the way her skin moved to his touch and how his fingers slid across the slick, soft skin below… She looked delicious.

“Can I taste you?”

*

“Where do we even start with something like this?” Santi groaned, flopping his head back.

Javi couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. “Don’t be such a child, Garcia. You take this shit one step at a time, just like anything else. Let’s start with what we know.”

The handsome younger man sighed. “Fine.” He pulled out the casefiles and Javi noticed how much calmer he’d seemed, less high strung… still high strung but that was just Santiago, Javi came to realize. “Gabriel Martin Lorea, coke dealer, devout catholic and family man… none of which stops him from hiring hookers.”

Javi chuckles. “Few things do.”

“Well, marriage should, especially when you have children.” Santi glared at him. 

His naivete, something Javi had been dreading with a younger partner, ended up endearing Santi to him. “Right, right of course.” He smiled and shook his head before lighting up a cigarette.

“Do you really have to do that indoors?”

“So sue me. I’m the one smoking, it’s not like it can hurt you.”

“I don’t know, I heard of a study that secondhand smoke can-”

Javi blew a puff of smoke in Santi’s face. “That’s just anti-smoking propaganda pushed by doctors to sell more nicotine patches.”

*

Santi had dived right in. Once he had permission to taste, he very tentatively licked a strip up her folds and to the clit… and was suddenly a starved man, insatiable, desperate to devour her and drown in her juices.. She liked when he touched her clit so he was sure to latch his mouth over the hood. As he sucked, Candy instructed him to finger her and he was happy to oblige. This, he could handle at least.

“Good boy…” Candy cooed at him. “Such a good boy for me, so obedient.”

“Wanna be good.” He mumbled into your core as he lapped at her, hips rutting against the bed. “Wanna do good.”

When her fingers found his hair, tangling up in his curls and tugging just a bit, he couldn’t help but whine into her, toes curling in his socks.

“You’re doing so good, baby boy, so good, but I’m gonna need you to stop.”

Stop? He didn’t wanna stop. Santi wanted to die here with her… Was it time? How much time did he pay for- ait, he hadn’t even paid her yet. What was her going rate? He didn’t fucking care right now, right now he’d pay her his life savings, his military pension, his first born, whatever she wanted if he could cum. 

“Whyyyyy?!” He simply went back to eating her out, taking every moment he had.

“Because,” Candy pulled at his curls, forcing him to look up and crawl back up her golden body. “Because you are about to cum, and I still wanna ride you.”

He could feel his eyes go wide at that. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what that meant… but for someone who had only ever done missionary, the whole concept seemed so… dirty. Santi chuckled nervously, tucking his head into the crook of her neck. “I’ll be honest, Candy, I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna last as it is.”

He felt her chuckle. “Let’s slow down for a moment, then. I want you to undress.”

His breath hitched, but he made the move to undo his pants until she stopped him.

“Uh-uh, Diego. Stand up. Let me watch you undress.”

Undress like… standing? By himself? All out there and naked? “Um… can’t I do it here?”

“You can.” She confirmed with a kind smile. “But I’d really like to watch you strip for me.”

How could he resist that? Tentative, slow and careful, Santi stood up and Candy sat on the edge of the bed, bottoms off but still clothed top. “Are you gonna take that off?” It was half a joke, half a genuine question.

Candy nodded. “I will, just trust me.”

And he did, with everything in him.

So he took off his shirt.

*

“Okay. Catholic. Do we know what church he goes to?”

Javi raised an eyebrow? “You think a drug lord is going to daily mass?”

“No, but if he’s devout I assume he’s got a family that goes. Wife and children maybe, but definitely a mother. I don’t know one woman over 50 who doesn’t belong to a perish, especially a hispaña woman.”

“You find a lot of company con mujeres mayor, amigo?”

“Shut up. I say we start there. If we can find out about his family's church, we can probably find out a little more.”

Apprehensive as always, Javi crossed his legs, doubtful. “I don’t know, what can we possibly find out?”

Santi shrugged. “Not sure, but churches have a lot of records when it comes to members and if he has a family that is active we might find out something useful.”

“Is this really the best use of our time?”

Javi raised a good point, this might be a dead end, and they would have wasted all that time. “Just give me a picture of all known families and I’ll keep an eye out.”

Now that caught Javi’s attention, cocking an eyebrow at him. “You go to church, Garcia?”

A faint blush crept up Santi’s neck. His mother was very religious, that religion instilled into him and his sister. His sister couldn’t care less anymore, but then again she had never cared much about their mother’s harsh opinions and strict standards… Santi did. And so, even now with her passing, Santi attended mass often. Not a part of a regular perish, he just attended where he could and when his schedule allowed. The old women there did love him, but Santi knew Javi would never let that go. “Tengo muchas tías y primos en la zona. Si no muestro mi cara en la iglesia a veces, se lo dirán a mi madre y nunca escucharé el final.”

Javi didn’t need to know his mom was dead.

*

Santi nervously slides down his trousers and underwear, revealing the last bit of himself to Candy. Except for his tube socks. He wasn't sure what to do about those.

“Can I… move now?” He asked, a tremble in his soft voice.

She cocked her head to the side. “Does it make you nervous? To be seen like this.”

“To be seen like what?”

Candy stood up. “Naked, vulnerable, in full lighting…” She walked over towards him and placed her hands on her chest. “To let someone be able to see every part, every dip…” She felt over the ripples of his stomach muscles. “Every.” Lower. “Single.” Lower. “Inch.” Grabbing onto his hardened cock and began stroking it.

Santi let out a shuttered gasp at the touch of her hand. With her other one she lifted it to his mouth. “Lick, pretty boy.”

He was happy to oblige, not needing to know why. He didn’t need to ask questions with her, he could simply shut off his mind and let Candy guide him… mother knows best. Santi lapped at her palm, keening into it as the wetness smeared on his face.

“Such a good puppy”

The whine that emitted from him was out of him control; he liked the praise, he liked the nickname. He liked it a lot. He had been taught his whole life that sex was for procreation, a dirty thing to be done in shame and in quiet but here she was, proudly jerking him off with the now-wet hand… His mom would have said she was consumed by lust, that the devil had taken her, but Santo saw nothing but kindness in her eyes. Yes, he was paying her, he was well aware of that fact but she did genuinely seem to want to help him, to let him explore, to allow him to care for this basic human instinct… Was this dirty? Was this wrong? He wasn’t sure he cared anymore.

“Doing so good baby boy, are you close?”

He was seconds away from coming. “S-so close.” He had his head thrown back, letting her take the lead on his pleasure.

With that, she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, stifling his impending orgasm.

“Mierde!” Santiago grunted, body jolting a bit in the physical frustration.

“Relaje, guapo. Trust me, okay? Can you do that?”

He groaned, but complied. Santi trusted her with everything. Right now, he’d follow her into the dark.

*

“Alright, so Pope Santiago will case the churches in his free time. Where does that leave us during the time we actually get paid for?” Javi thought the nickname was fitting for the apparently religious boy.

“I think we need to learn more about his free time.” Javi put out his cigarette. “How about we talk to some girls, see if they know anything?”

Santi narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Girls?”

“Hookers, Pope, hookers.”

“Oh.” 

Javi noticed how he suddenly became so nervous. The boy needed to get laid. The new information of Santi being at least semi-religious was a whole new insight on his psyche. He already seemed to be a bit of a mama’s boy, a goody-two-shoes with a shiny military career and a good heart, but this was a little different. Javier’s family was catholic, as most families were. He had been baptized, first communion, confirmed, the whole jazz but as soon as he’d got annoying enough, his mom stopped bushing the issue. Santi, however, was still practicing.

“I’ll handle that part, Garcia. Don’t worry, I won't drag the Pope into a whore house.”

Javi had no doubt Santi could hold his own in most scenarios. Hell, he’d seen it. In line of fire, interviews, everything Santi could handle. But take him into a room full of prostitutes? Well, they’d eat him alive.

*

“Are you ready for me, pretty boy?” You had him right where you wanted him, right where you liked pretty boys like him that you got to corrupt in moments like this… Santiago was special though, you could tell. He was innocent, but he was far from the most innocent. You’d taken plenty of virginities before, so many you’d lost track of it all, but the way Santiago looked at you right now as he was sat up against the padded headboard of your bed slowly stroking him as your legs straddled his. Santiago looked at you with reverence, adoration, like he was fully submitted below you… as if you had the power, even though it was in his hands as the customer. Yeah, he was a special one. 

 A good, young DEA agent, straightline former military, special Ops and he came to you to show him how to pleasure a woman; not just to have sex, not just to get off, but to learn how to heighten the pleasure of all parties… A church going boy too. 

“Do I need to beg? Because I’ll fucking beg.” His hands were gripped at the sheets, lightning at the knuckles.

“Oh sweet boy, I won’t make you beg, I’m just checking in.” You sit up, rubbing the tip of his cock along your folds. Pulling down the foreskin, you begin to sink down on him, watching his eyes widen as your warmth enveloped him. He filled you right up. Every. Single. Inch.

“Breath baby, breath.” You urge him as you see his lips pressed tight together. 

He did as he was told, releasing a breath. 

“Good job. Now keep breathing, I’m going to finish undressing.” His cock was stuffed into you, and your bottom remained still as your top moved, stipping off your shirt and bra in one. 

It was merely a whisper. “Beautiful…” His eyes were nearly glazed over in lust when you began your work.

Up, down, up, down… you moved on him with your hands on his chest for balance… he seemed almost in shock as he looked in your eyes, only staying momentarily to look at your breasts before quickly looking back at your face as if it was impolite.

“It’s okay to look, Diego. You won’t offend me. You can find me sexy, do you think I’m sexy, Diego?”

“So pretty…” It was gasped out and you could tell he was almost there again.

You began to bounce on him with more vigor and the “You can touch me too”

“I’m… I’m a little scared too…”

Running your fingers through his curls, you ruffle it, enjoying the look of the pristine young man coming undone for you. You take the initiative for him. Hand in hand, you guide him to your breasts, encouraging Santiago to grope and squeeze as he liked and you reveal in the feeling of feeling of his excited pawing. He was enraptured in you, you and him were the only thing that matter right now, and you knew it. You stretched around him,  and you knew it had to be one hell of sight.

“Watch” Pulling him by his curls you guide him to look down where you and him connected, letting him watch the watch your cunt moved to accommodate him, making room to be filled over and over again. “See how my body let’s you in? I was made for you, pretty boy. I was made to take you inside me.”

The thick stretch was bringing you closer, and you knew he was only holding on by a thread himself, so you began to touch yourself. “Focus on that feeling, Diego. The feeling of us together. Can you feel it? I sure can.”

“I- I can, yes.” He was panting now, his bare tanned chest heaving with every bounce of you tits in his hands. 

“Yes what?” But he looked up at you in confusion, a desperation on his face to be good, do good, do this all right. “Yes ma’am”

“Yes ma- ma’ammmm” With that, Santiago’s hits thrust upward into you, his eyes drilled shut and mouth tightly closed in his attempt to muffle his own release.

You did no such thing. As he filled you up, you spilled over yourself and felt the gushing release of your cunt soaking his cock, you yelled out for him, letting him know how good he made you feel. Relaxing onto his chest, Santiago wraps his arms around you like an affection-starved child, and you get a little hint into what you think this was all about.

He needed praise. He needed fondness. He needed skin to skin contact like nothing else right now. He needed to be a good person and do it all right and know he was doing it right. 

Santiago needed to be loved.

*****************

IM BACK

Sorry i know it was a wait lmfao. I posted like 3 chapters of the wrong way sequel before this one lolololol OOPS

But i promise I got a fun plan for this fic! I hope you all enjoy.

Remember, reblogs are the only real way to spread work! Please consider relogging to support this writing.

Comments mean the world to me!

Asks are always open to discuss this fic or my others, but also for non fandom too! Talk to me about anything you're excited about! I wanna get to know you all.

Also, as a note im trying my best for historic acuracy but I know narcos goes from like 70's onward but this stays in the 70's. Pretend Pablo Escabar isn't an issue anymore lmfao.

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[remimibanana]

A bit about Shattered!

I wrote a story about Robin and Sunday!

It's about what may have happened during their past, their present and what the reality during and after the never ending dream held for them.

You can find it here!

I wanted to write a bit about my thought process behind writing this, since I have a lot to say and it might interest some people! I also didn’t want to make my notes section way too long and make it hard to leave a comment or kudos.

All under the cut!

Conception

I started writing this story after 2.2 released, but I didn’t finish it until now. It took me so long but it’s finally here! 30k wasn't the amount I expecting but I am all for it.

It originally was meant to be a love letter to 2.2, but it soon became a love letter to Penacony as a whole since there’s spoilers for everything. I had to rewatch the quests often to make sure I didn’t mess up the lore.

I remember I spent a whole day on the 2.2 quest, a Thursday where I sat down on my phone reading through the dialogue and playing the game while wondering when it was going to actually end at one point.

It was way longer than I expected, but I cried by the end of it all while pacing around the kitchen like a crazy person. Seeing Robin jump for Sunday as he fell, I couldn’t help but tear up. It made me love Robin and Sunday way more than I did before!

It was an incredible quest. It was worth all the hours I poured into it, thanking everything that no one was home when I let out noises and screams like a maniac in the kitchen out of all places. I'm a very expressive person.

I also jumped like a maniac when Acheron said Mei, or Yayi since I play with the CN dub! I love Honkai Impact 3rd a lot, if you didn’t know. I mean, everyone knew beforehand but it felt super validating for it to be explicitly said.

I knew immediately that I had to write something for this wonderful story. I’m always inspired to write after a quest, especially one like this. Shaoji cooked with Penacony and he needs to come back and write more for Star Rail.

I had to write Robin and Sunday, because there was so much I could write regarding these two doomed siblings. I did alternating point of views with both of them, as I wanted to tell both their stories.

I also knew that I wanted angst to the max, especially after hearing what the heck Robin went through and the fact that the game barely touched on anything in her point of view. This is the same case with Sunday.

I’m sorry for the pain I have inflicted on you all! I will write a happy story at some point, I promise you. Then again, I've said this before and I still manage to write angst…

There wasn’t much planning for this, aside from a few things from the quest that I wanted to write into it and use…and yet it looks like I’ve meticulously planned it all out doesn’t it?

I amaze myself sometimes. I quite literally surprised myself actually at times, I made stuff connect and I didn’t mean to really. Is this what they call being a genius?

Let’s take it from the top!

The Past

The first thing I knew I wanted to write was how Robin was shot in the neck.

That sounds terrible, damn. I don’t know how else to word it, I’m sorry!

It was mentioned by Sunday so briefly, and then never brought up again by anyone which is insane to me like what do you mean that Robin was shot in the neck in a war she went into?!

We got to see how he was informed by the Dreammaster about it after showing Robin’s letter and how he was going to pack his bags immediately for Kasbelina-VIII but that was honestly it. This gave me the perfect base to write my rendition of how it all happened.

I structured this part by writing out two letters, the one that Robin sent to Sunday and one that Sunday would have written back if he received it first. I then wrote the actual happenings underneath each paragraph that contradict the letters.

My goal was to make this as interesting as I could since it’s the first thing you read in my story. I needed to hook you all in, and keep you wanting to read on until the end.

There is a lot of story building here, describing the conditions of Kasbelina-VIII and some of the messed up stuff that is happening there. It’s rather realistic, because I wanted it to be. If I was going to talk about a war, I would do so properly without downplaying anything.

I first found it strange that Sunday didn’t know about the war at all. I figured, wouldn’t a war be at least broadcasted by the largest government body, the IPC themselves?

That’s when the idea that the IPC was intentionally covering it all up came to me. It seemed like the most logical explanation, and a very interesting one that I could build upon.

Despite Robin’s letter being in her point of view, we see another being shown. The soldiers who she was staying with this whole time, their thoughts regarding the war and Robin herself.

I had to make a reason as to why she would be shot, because she had to be right in the middle of the battlefield for that to happen. If the IPC was covering everything up, they would also stop supporting the poor planet.

These poor soldiers she’s staying with had no new supplies delivered to for weeks, and yet they still gave what they had left to her, showing that there is still kindness in such a horrific situation.

Based of what I could see, Robin wouldn’t let them suffer like this when she learnt about the supply issue by what I assume was on accident generally. I wanted to give the soldiers some character, so I made them lie to her for her sake about how long they didn’t have supplies for.

We have a lot of lying mentioned in this story, since it’s the main premise for both Sunday and Robin. They both lied to each other for the other’s sake, thinking that it was the right thing to do. Lies after lies pile up, and we see what happened when they all came falling down.

I've never been shot before (god forbid) but I tried to imagine how it might have felt for Robin, the way it would make her feel. It did hurt to write this part, the way she still tried to deliver those supplies...the way she belittled herself for lying...

I wanted to make you all suffer, pretty much. That also sounds terrible.

Now, we go into Xipe and THEIR role. The Dreammaster mentioned how Harmony had blessed her by missing her vital arteries, so I made THEM interfere despite the fact THEY usually only observe and watch everything unfold.

THEY said that the bullet was not meant to hit her, but it still did for some reason that eluded them. This was such a major foreshadowing point that doesn't make much sense until later on, I am such a genius for this!

The same case when it is mentioned that someone could try to calculate their reasonings by forsaking their humanity, I was intentionally foreshadowing what Sunday does later on when he tried to.

You seriously would think I planned all this but it sort of came out this way.

Sunday's letter on the other hand, is much more of a character study of himself if anything. I wanted to explore how he would feel about all this, the way he would handle such a situation of his beloved sister being shot.

We know that Sunday uses puppets, but it's never stated why or how he had them in the first place. We can also see how he can manipulate them, making them act out scenes and characters during the time when we are stuck running through those Memory Zones before his boss fight, which I took and built upon the idea.

Sunday is a very complex character, so I made him a little mentally unstable when concerning his sister. The way he lashed out at his puppets, destroying them all over and over while making up scenarios of her shooting in order to cope. He even thinks that a puppet is Robin for a second.

If this is out of character or not, I don’t know. I wanted to give him more character than we see in the actual story, and naturally my thoughts went to this. It is mentioned how much he loves Robin (as a sister obviously), and so I wanted to see how far he would go for his only family left.

I took the concept of Harmony and expanded on it. We can see that Harmony can alter the mind's state, so why not make it so they can control others by altering their thoughts? I often like adding additional powers for the plot that still make sense in the realm of the game.

For Robin, it was mostly subconsciously done. For Sunday, he does it intentionally for his own reasons. Both use Harmony to alter minds without asking if the intended victim wanted it, making them both in the wrong.

We have these whispers present, the choir above that Sunday can hear because of how attuned he is to Harmony, alongside Robin that he rejects often. I don't think this is a thing in game, but I thought it would make everything so much more intriguing!

His distrust in Harmony grows and the rejection started from the first seed of doubt planted by Mr Gopher Wood. I imagine that his manipulation started young, slowly introducing the disharmony into Sunday's ideals.

This whole section quite literally foreshadows the rest of the story, it's great.

The Present

The major part of this story is when Robin is in Sunday's consciousness.

We have no idea what happened to her there, only that they were “put” to sleep. In Ena’s Dream, apparently it is called Tuning that she went through alongside Welt Yang by Sunday, who mentioned that nothing too bad happened to him there.

Then again, apparently it was Jing Yuan who saved Welt from Sunday’s subconscious???? I don’t really know how that works but point is, I had a lot of playing ground for what happens to Robin in there.

Here, we are introduced to the idea of Memory Zones (every time I read this, I think of Mystery Zones from Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum), areas of Sunday’s subconscious that he made to house his manifestations.

The first zone that Robin enters is incomplete. I imagine that Sunday never prepared for the possibility that Robin would ever enter his mind, so she was thrown into a zone that was quickly conjured up to keep her.

Since Robin too is attuned to Harmony, she can affect the Memory Zone to an extent. The colours you see on the ground is from her own power, as you can tell by the fact it originally came from her every single time it is mentioned.

As to why this is happening, I think it’s more of a subconscious thing once again. Robin doesn’t truly mean to use Harmony here while stuck in a random zone.

She can also hear the whispers, although they are trying to help her unlike Sunday’s ones. This is clearly a major foreshadowing point that you realise later on that these aren’t the same whispers.

We see the Charmony Dove from their childhood flying around and giving Robin a bit of trouble. This was definitely Sunday’s doing, who finally decided what he would do with her.

I wanted Robin to sing here because I thought that it was the best way to calm down the little bird, and symbolize how important her singing is to her and the world around her.

As she keeps saying, it’s the only thing she is good for at the end.

It was Sunday who made the bird fly away like a puppet with feathers, and Robin ran after it. I feel like she’s very selfless, to the point that she would run into a trap knowingly.

A zone just for her.

I knew I wanted to use that story with the Charmony Dove since it’s pretty prominent in 2.2. The Memory Zone she runs into is a replica of the bedroom the siblings stayed in, with the Charmony Dove now in the cage they kept it in.

This bird isn’t the same one as before as you can tell, since this whole zone is Sunday’s memory of how he released the small bird to its death. Robin helps it to fly, but it only shattered its wings when it fell as Sunday explained.

That’s when she learnt that this was all her fault, and we learn why that bullet that wasn’t meant to hit her did back then.

It was karma. They do say that karma’s a bitch, and for Robin, it took form with that bullet. It sounds like I’m quoting Jojo Siwa but I’m not, I swear ;;

Point is, I AM A GENIUS FOR THIS.

I didn’t intent for it but I wrote down that sentence “Perhaps, Robin was shot in the neck because of what she did” and my brain connected the dots immediately with what I wrote with Xipe earlier.

Sunday finally makes an appearance in person. This whole sequence is interesting because we have him hurting Robin, as if she was one of his puppets. I intentionally made it this strange, with Sunday mentioning after that the zone fell out of his control later on.

I described how his arms were out like an overseer, that’s a very obvious reference to Otto Apocalypse from Honkai Impact 3rd.

The lullaby part is from 2.3, where Robin mentioned how Sunday used to sing a lullaby to her when she was restless at night. I thought it would the perfect final blow.

It isn’t Robin in that zone. But it is at the same time. It’s interesting, isn’t it? Would it be too farfetched to say that it was Robin's consciousness who transferred into that puppet? Who knows.

Robin “wakes up” from that Memory Zone, completely nauseous and disoriented from the sheer amount of Harmony, or Order she was subjected to. We saw this with that doctor earlier with only a small amount of it used.

It was too much for her to handle. It was only when Sunday appears again to cut through it all, does she snap out of it out of his sheer grace. What a kind person he is.

We learn that Robin is in a cage. This is the same cage we see in her splash art! I like to try to integrate them into my stories, like I did for one of my previous stories with Black Swan’s one!

The two siblings share a conversation that doesn’t end well, with him leaving her. It was the only logical outcome for our doomed siblings here. I feel bad for them.

The cage breaking and Robin singing is also based on her splash art, as I needed a way for her to escape the cage that made sense to her and the story. I think it signifies how important her singing is to her and how Harmony interacts when she does.

We see Robin running around all the various Memory Zones Sunday has, noting how there are many puppets in them. I was alluding to when we go through those Memory Zones in the Grand Theater where Sunday tells us some stories using his puppets.

In one of them…we find her companion that was forced to sleep alongside her.

WELT YANG IS HERE.

I just wanted to write him since he is one of my favourite characters and I had my chance to finally in a story!

You can probably tell how much I enjoyed writing him based on how long his part is. If you have played Honkai Impact 3rd, or know Welt’s backstory, this is my little treat for you. If Hoyo won't make him do things, I WILL.

I made Welt finally use his powers. He’s the Herrscher of Reason, he has the freaking Star of Eden (the 9th Divine Key itself), AND HE BARELY DOES ANYTHING PLEASE DO SOMETHING I WANT TO SEE—

Ahem.

Making a bench is child’s play for Welt. I thought it would be kind of funny if he did.

Welt is more childish here since he wanted to cheer Robin up, who looked clearly sad. I think he probably used to do something similar with his adoptive son Joey when he was upset. He couldn't help but do so for his companion.

The idea for him making himself have wings like hers is from this one comic I saw on Twitter that lives rent free in my mind. I thought it would be a great way to cheer her up while also using his power more!

(It took me so long to find this, it wasn't funny how much I scrolled)

His wings smack right onto his face rather comedically and I took that from the official emojis where you can see Robin hiding her face. I imagine that younger Halovians struggle with their wings moving around and his wings are practically akin to newborn ones.

The power of Reason.

This is where I had to make things painful. Welt talks about his experience, the memory that Sunday chose to use against him. I was thinking about what would be the best memory, and of course I went for the jugular for that pain factor.

This is where Welt Joyce, the former Herrscher of Reason died in the city he was protecting. This was where Joachim Nokianvirtanen, who we now know as Welt Yang received the Core of Reason, the name Welt and a mission from Welt Joyce, before passing away.

It’s a very important memory to Welt, and one I would see Sunday exploiting. Only those who know of Welt Yang’s story would know that the man he mentioned was Welt Joyce since I intentionally didn't mention his name.

For Welt recreating half of the town, I was spitballing about the energy part. I don’t know if Memoria would be a good substitute for Honkai energy but I’m just rolling with it. Don't quote me on that.

The main role of Welt here is to reassure Robin, give her the will and inspiration to keep going despite everything. She even tells him all about her experiences, a connection between the two already facilitated by simple communication.

I feel like Welt is such a father figure. If only we all had him in our lives.

Reality

Sunday has now merged with Dominicus and has fallen to those whispers above, as the never ending dream is taking form.

The Dreammaster, Mr Gopher Wood himself makes an appearance as his former form. In 2.2, all his ravens die and he is never seen again, making it pretty clear that he's dead. However, I assume that he joined the Dreamscape and is now an entity that can oversee everything.

Dead only physically, as you will.

The Embryo of Philosophy is named by the Dreammaster here, since I was wondering how Sunday was named that during his boss fight, although it could have been from the whispers THEMSELVES. I also made Mr Gopher Wood show his true colours, to show that manipulative side.

There was a reason for this. He didn't want his son to start rebelling or second guessing his choice, so he used Robin as a way to keep him ensnared in his deception. Evil, isn't he?

I honestly think that Sunday knew that he would ascend to Aeonhood, as smart as he is. At least, he would have had an inkling of Gopher Wood’s true intentions.

Those whispers were Ena this whole time inside of Xipe as we learn. If Xipe absorbed Ena, wouldn’t Ena still be there? I think Mr Gopher Wood and Ena were in cahoots, scheming together. Perhaps even more than that (gets hit).

How…how dare he? 

How dare he glimpse Heaven’s will? How dare he change people’s fate?

How dare he decide the life and death of other beings? 

How dare he represent the will of all beings? How dare he control the greatest secrets and riches of the world itself?

How dare he…hold the fate of the entire world in his hands?

These lines are from HI3, particularly from Chapter 3 of Part 2 but slightly edited. This is what Baiji thinks of his actions to save everyone, and I feel like it also applies to Sunday.

We have many HI3 references here. I couldn’t help myself.

We now go back to Robin's point of view. This is after she awakens from Ena’s dream.

I don’t know if any other people woke up aside from the Astral Express + Acheron, Boothill and Black Swan, but for plots sake, there was. Just some random people we don’t care about.

We have Acheron! I wanted to write her since she played a huge part in Penacony and it would be a shame not to after I read this:

The bloody sacrifice becomes the sweet dreamland. The real world will lose meaning for them, while the eternal dream will become their only reality. They will no longer think with time. Their dreams will be connected, which will create a true miracle that transcends finality.

This is also a treat for the HI3 players. The words here are the words that Raven tells Mei before Project Stigma takes place. I was playing through that chapter at one point and thought that the words fit perfectly for this story.

I rewrote Acheron’s part because I disliked what I had initially. I was writing about Finality and how it was the same as transcending Order but it didn’t fit well so I changed it. I wanted to say how Finality governs time and how it can change reality if you had the authority...but perhaps another time.

As we know, Acheron was the only survivor who defeated End, referring to Kevin Kaslana all by herself without her companions unlike in HI3. I had to mention this and highlight the difference between their cases.

She doesn't show up again in the story, but she also impacts Robin in a way.

Miss Firefly takes the stage!

We have a bit of Robifly because I do ship them and I couldn’t help myself when I had a chance to write an interaction between Robin and Firefly. I wanted something a bit more lighthearted to break between all the angst and pain.

I saw how Firefly mentioned that she can't dream, and so I just wanted Robin to tell her otherwise to cheer her up. She’s following Welt’s lead, being that kind and inspirational person!

I’m sorry for making you the third wheel…

Speaking of him, we have Welt again appear! I couldn’t help myself, I just wanted to write more of him and I felt like Robin would try to seek him out first.

Did you know that it was called a Dream Pool, that bed in the Reverie? I had to rewatch 2.0’s quest because I didn’t remember the name for the life of me.

This time, we have Welt suffering yet again…I'm sorry that I only write you like this. He mentions in 2.3 that he dreamt about returning to his homeland and seeing all his old friends. This poor man, imagine waking up to find that it was all a lie.

The yelling mention was obviously a nod to Tesla who I would imagine yell at him for taking this long to return without a single word.

I hope Welt does get to connect with his homeland eventually, I want to see them or hear them!

We then go into the battle against Sunday! I purposely chose Sunday's point of view here, since we never receive it in the game.

I was rewatching the fight, and noted how sudden the switch from the question Sunday asked to mentioning how it was their final talk felt like it wasn’t him talking anymore, which I made the case here since we have my wonderful whispers.

We learn more about how Sunday felt during this, and what may have happened after their fall. Robin mentioned how she woke up by herself, which could only mean that Sunday left her there.

I think he genuinely was upset by the failure, but most of all…failing Robin. The feather falling down is a reference from how there were feathers flying around when Robin appeared and how the Trailblazer took it into their hands.

It clearly has the power of Harmony, and that’s what Sunday can feel when he holds it tightly. I imagine that he would keep that feather with him, as a reminder of what he lost.

The ending is based off 2.3, where we learn that Sunday is captured and will face trial. I didn’t go into much detail since we really don’t know much about how he was caught.

It won’t be the end.

It will be the end of all the suffering. 

I will realise my dreams.

I will make my dreams come true. 

I won’t fail again.

I will never fail.

The poison to Penacony still lingers.

I am a traitor. 

These are Robin and Sunday's thoughts respectfully. As you can see, they are both the same fundamentally. That goes to show how they are both traitors in a way, aren't they?

We have a little ending about the siblings, alongside a story with a snake.

The snake is Miss Jade herself, where Robin went to her to make her greatest desire come true...to let Sunday go free. I wanted to reference the end of 2.3 where we see Jade talking to Sunday, how he was free but he refused her.

I repeated the words Acheron spoke for the very end to tie it all together. The perfect words to end a story filled with so much!

End

Thank you for reading all this! I’ve spent way too long on this story and I’m glad it’s finally out there for everyone to read!

I feel like in terms of storytelling, this is my best story so far! I'm proud of all the elements I was able to merge into this!

- Miku

[cursecuelebre]

This is going to be a ramble but I think it brings up a important discussion in the pagan community such as Pagan witches. Now to preface I’m a witch and I identify as so but I think it’s important to bring up how some pagans do not accept witchcraft in the community. I’m talking about mostly Hellenic or Norse pagan communities but I’m sure there is others like it. Either groups or certain people may not accept you because you’re a witch, it’s strange because it is.

Our ancestors and those who practice in these religions had forms magic respectively speaking more acceptable than today. However there was still prejudice against witchcraft, the ancient world was very superstitious. In the Viking age Sedir was considered to be the magic of women, which involved activities of which a socially acceptable form of women would do like weaving or spinning. There was homophobia during this time as they thought of a man who practiced Sedir was homosexual by doing homosexual acts would take another man’s power away. Seidr has a sexual symbolically of the birds and the bees of the woman and a phallus (I’m not going into detail) but they saw Sedir could’ve have had a erotic connection to it. Now in modern day pagans some I should say even groups forbid or look down at a man that practices Seidr as the excuse of being “only women does this” or “You’re practicing baneful magic” to men. I’ve heard people say Seidr is baneful magic which is highly misinformed it’s another shamanic practice that involves a lot of divination, chanting, spirit work, etc. anyone can do this. Last time I checked, Allfather is the god of Seidr gifted to mankind. Same with Hellenic polytheists who think magic would “command” the gods which again not true that was a superstition. The gods do not care of you practice magic, they probably ask why are you doing so especially if you’re incorporating them into your practice. Hekate is the goddess that protects from evil magic but she also advocates it. Cursing is a valid practice, especially if said curse is to someone who is abusing their power. The Norse gods especially Odin would not care if a man practices Seidr you can be straight or Queer and practice that path. As a woman you (a man or man presenting) can practice this magical path. Witchcraft is different in every culture but it changes perspective through the ages. How we see magic now is probably not how the Ancients saw it like having an oracle see visions and channel the gods using herbalism.

Historical evidence aside modern pagans misunderstands what witchcraft is and why a lot of pagans use it. Yes you don’t have to be a pagan to practice witchcraft vice versa. Modern pagans will still have religious tramua from a Christian perspective of witchcraft especially if they read something in a historical context. Though yes some magic in these cultures were at times considered to be taboo, illegal, disgusting, it should not be anymore especially in this day and age. Times change, I’m not saying a pagan who isn’t a witch needs to become one but rather educate oneself before shouting out their opinions. Amount of times I have been taunted in comment sections of certain groups because I posted a poppet which they thought it was baneful magic off the bat is a problem, that I’m not allowed into certain groups because I made poppets as physical representations of the gods them not realizing poppet work is very prevalent within Scandinavian culture which their called Kitchen poppets. Just having the old outdated of “men shouldn’t be practicing Seidr because it’s evil if they do so.” Like it’s an insult to their manhood or what it means to be a man. It goes into toxic masculinity as well of Bro Viking culture, I should mention it’s mostly cis and straight men repeating these awful points but there are some women as well.

I want to make people aware that witches can be outcasted and bullied even in pagan communities. I understand it’s not everyone’s experience but it still happens and it needs to be addressed and talk about more in my opinion.

[genericpuff]

i know you said if you never mentioned a webtoon you either don't read it or don't have a strong opinion so sorry beforehand if this ask might be annoying, but im just curious if you have any opinion on remarried empress, specifically the whole uhhh extremely villified woman who happens to be a slave. its not the exact same as minthe but i do always see the parallels between them since both are oppressed and 'lower-class' women in opposition to the mary sue protagonist and the fans are just very classist when insulting them ('she doesn't know her place' etc etc) i kinda see RE as the korean version of LO coz they're both so popular and annoyingly everywhere/overhyped (tho i have to admit RE has better consistency with art and story). But i have a greater distaste for RE mostly coz the fans keep showing up in other webtoons comment sections lol

yeeeah the remarried empress is literally one of those exact webtoons that fits that category of "stuff I know is shit so I'm not gonna bother" LMAO I'm not a huge fan of royal family type dramas anyways, the genre just ain't for me (or I haven't found one that's connected with me yet) but I'm definitely not interested in reading a royal family drama that I know from the start I won't enjoy due to its writing LOL (I can appreciate why people like the ones that are written well though, again, a lot of them just aren't for me)

that said, there's a lot to support the theory that Rachel is trying to do some "royal family drama" thing with LO (especially with some of the language in the comic, like how Ares and Apollo will go off about Persephone's "pedigree"??? which is just such royal family "pure bloodline" eugenics crap tbh), but she's failing at it immensely because 1.) she's not good at writing drama, let alone royal family drama, and 2.) a lot of royal family dramas on Webtoons these days are also garbage so whatever she's taking inspiration from probably isn't high quality to begin with ( ；｀ヘ´) Hades and Persephone definitely reek of "rich and powerful white couple who use their power to abuse the lower class" and they don't even have the benefit of having interesting character arcs, they're just boring and mean.

[meimi-haneoka]

Clear Card Trivia 1 ~ Literary and musical references/mentions in Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

Hello everyone! The end of the Clear Card manga is very near, so I thought it was about time to start writing the long list of posts I'm going to release in the upcoming months, since it's almost time to wrap everything up and it would be nice to look back and not only analyze the plot but also trivia and themes/topics discussed (openly or not) in these almost 7 years of serialization of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc.

Today we talk about the several literary and musical references spread across the different CCS Clear Card media. The references are quite a lot and I find it so very fitting for a story that features books so much, both under a positive and negative light. Books have a life-saving role, being the only thing young Akiho could cling to, to survive mentally till the arrival of Kaito in her life and the subsequent removal from her abusive family, but for a twist of fate, a spell under the guise of a book is also what was about to destroy her soul forever when said book got filled up with magic. The very first time Akiho's inner book gets set off is precisely in Fujitaka's library. Moreover, a fictional world existing into a forbidden book called Alice in Clockland is also where Kaito sends everyone in the climax of the story. In that fictional world, it is said that books record the memories and feelings of people. And after recording them, that same book can rewrite them. Books are literally an essential element of the plot of Clear Card Arc.

In my list I will take in consideration both the anime and the manga, with a special section for the now-defunct Happiness Memories mobile game! The references are ordered basing on their impact or importance within the plot, and include all the info we have till chapter 72. I might update this post if we get more literary references in the very last chapters of the arc. I will probably not be able to talk in depth about all the possible double meanings and connections of these stories to the real Clear Card plot, as I haven't read most of these books or I'm still in the process of reading them, but I have looked at summaries on Wikipedia, so hopefully I'll be able to feature at least a part of the interesting connections. Anyone who knows these stories or songs in depth is welcome to give more insight!

Soooo, ready to dive in?

1) Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There / Lewis Carrol

Of course the first reference featured in this list couldn't be other than this one! The whole Clear Card arc is heavily based on the Alice In Wonderland narrative, but particularly in the sequel "Through the Looking-Glass". The very first mentions of "Alice-related" stuff is as early as chapter 12, when Sakura and Tomoyo visit Akiho's home and they check out her huge library: here Akiho shows them her book "Alice in Clockland" for the first time. Tomoyo spots the resemblance with the title of the best-known novel, but Akiho says that the book she's holding wasn't written by the author of Alice in Wonderland, and although the language it's written in is composed by runes, she was taught how to read it. Later on we discover that the more she progresses reading this book, the more it gets connected to recurring dreams she's having, with an "Alice" as the main character who experiences all sorts of adventures (unbeknownst to her, she's dreaming about Sakura's adventures with the Clear Cards). Akiho sometimes shares these dreams with Kaito and he always listens attentively, commenting that it'd be good if Alice acquired "more and more skills". We also see Rika (through Sakura) giving away to Akiho one of her Alice picture books, and the girl is definitely thrilled and moved by the kind gesture of who is basically a stranger to her.

Moreover, in chapter 38 & 39, Kaito shrinks Sakura in order to prompt her to create a Card, and sends her down a hole carved in a tree, calling her "Alice". Sakura also created the Shade card supposedly basing it on the Jabberwock featured in Through The Looking Glass. The whole situation prompts Kaito to remember about his first face-to-face meeting with Akiho, which he says happened in a garden fit for Alice in Wonderland. The whole scenery Sakura witnesses in the strange world she's sent to is very reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland/Through the looking Glass, with her being so little and the talking flowers. Of course, the biggest reference to Through the Looking Glass is the whole Alice in Clockland play, in its first version based on Akiho's beloved book with the same title (Naoko initially called the play "The Two Alice", but then decided to change it at last minute, in a twist of fate). Both "before" and "after" the rewriting of memories operated by Momo's book, we not only have an Alice in this story, but also a Cat (which will have a key role) and a Red Queen. Another notable similarity is how Alice, in Through the Looking Glass, crosses "the wood where things have no names", forgetting her own name for a short time while crossing that forest in the company of a fawn. In Alice in Clockland, the Red Queen completely forgot her name once she entered Clockland, in both versions of the play, before and after the rewriting. Akiho/Red Queen regains her memories by lifting the dark veil covering her face, while Sakura/Red Queen regains her memories thanks to Alice telling her the truth about what happened.

Furthermore, the fact that later in the climax Sakura and Akiho are turned into twins by the forbidden magic activated by Kaito might be considered a reference to the famous twins Tweedledum and Tweedledee (although, that's also commonly known as one of CLAMP's obsessions 😂). One more reference is represented by the White Queen in Through the Looking Glass, who can remember events that will happen in the future, and while Sakura can do that herself to a certain degree, certainly this character is better represented by Lilie, Akiho's mother, who could see so much of the future ahead and tried to reach Sakura in her dreams to inform her of an important truth. It is also to be noted that the White Queen's daughter in Through the Looking Glass is named.....Lily.

2) Ten Nights of Dreams (夢十夜) / Natsume Sōseki

"Ten Nights of Dreams" is a collection of short pieces by Japanese novelist Natsume Soseki, where he narrates 10 mysterious dreams set in various time periods, including his own. The book gets featured for the first time in chapter 10 / volume 3 of the manga, and episode n. 6 of the anime. In this scene, Sakura and Akiho are each reading a portion from the 7th dream, the one where the dreamer finds himself on a ship, among strangers, not knowing where the ship is headed to or when he'll see land again. The tone of this dream, like the rest of them, is pretty dark, as the dreamer is extremely discouraged and decides to throw himself into the sea, regretting it when it's already too late. This book gets directly mentioned again in chapter 58 of the manga, when Naoko reflects on the fact that even the tenth night told in the collection is a dream, because there's no point where the storyteller wakes up. This leads her to think how scary it would be to have a dream you can't wake up from, and this will become for her one of the sources of inspiration for the scenario of the school play. When the teacher talked about this book to her students back in chapter 10, she stated "this collection features plenty of mysterious stories, but depending on the person, they could also be considered 'scary' ". I feel like this is exactly how Clear Card Arc could be described too, especially from the POV of the Japanese readers, that I've witnessed these past couple of years on social media. I wonder if this wasn't a way for CLAMP to tip the readers off regarding the thematics and tone that Clear Card would take halfway through. Moreover, the teacher mentions "foretelling dreams" in relation to this book, and that prompts Sakura to consider if the dream she's constantly seeing with the Mysterious Cloaked Figure could be a foretelling dream too.

3) Momo / Michael Ende

"Momo" is a fantasy novel written by German writer Michael Ende (the same of The Neverending Story), and it gets featured in chapter 39 of Clear Card, while Kaito is having a flashback of his first face-to-face meeting with Akiho. At the moment of Kaito's arrival in the rose garden, Akiho was reading a book, and when she's asked about its content by Kaito himself, the girl tells him of a story that is unequivocally that of "Momo": a little girl battles some so-called "time thieves". Akiho seems to love that story, as she has read it many times.

Although it might seem just an easter egg at the level of the Cthulhu books that I will mention later, the presence of the "Momo" novel here is completely different and very significant to the main story of Clear Card. First of all, its complete German title translates in English to "Momo, or the strange story of the time-thieves and the child who brought the stolen time back to the people". As we all know, this sequel of the Cardcaptor Sakura series deals heavily with the theme of time, and Kaito is strictly related to that theme, as he's the major "player" of that element, using magic to stop it or especially to rewind it. In "Momo", the "time-thieves" (also called Men in Grey) are some kind of paranormal parasites with the goal of stealing the time of humans. They appear to people offering to save their time in some so-called "Timesaving Banks", urging them to spare time by dropping any activity that supposedly "wastes time" like relaxing, playing, enjoying things, with the goal of having that time returned back with interests later. But that time saved in the bank is actually stolen and consumed by the Men in Grey for their own survival. Human feelings such as love are a hindrance for them, and they avoid at all costs to form any bond with anyone. Momo is a mysterious little girl, beloved by everyone in her town as she seems to be able to solve anyone's problems or afflictions just by listening and talking to them. She will eventually take on the task of defeating the Men in Grey. Ende's novel is a critique to consumerism in the modern society and how hectic our lives have become, where time is everything and we often never use it for what really matters the most: making us happy. Momo was published in 1973 but its thematics are super relevant even today.

Aside from the easy connection of the topic of time to what Kaito does (although in a more benign way, in our case), "Momo" is also how Akiho chose to name her beloved bunny plushie, who, unbeknownst to her, is actually the magical Guardian of the Book of Time. We don't know when exactly that naming happened, as of chapter 72, but the fact that one of the most treasured and beloved existences in Akiho's life was named "Momo" - the same as the title of the book Akiho was reading when she met Kaito for the first time - suggests hitsuzen is strongly at work here. Akiho might have named Momo after she met Kaito, and to show how important that meeting was to her, she chose to name her after an element that was strictly connected to that meeting. And if she named her so before meeting Kaito, then it shows just how fateful their meeting was. She named one important existence after a beloved book, and precisely when she was reading that same book, she had her first meeting with another important person in her life. The one she will love the most.

It is also to be noted that in "Momo", the time is consumed by the Men in Grey in the form of smoking cigars made out of dried hour-lilies' petals, which are pink flowers representing time itself. Again, a feature of lily flowers, which connects us once more to Lilie.

Depending on how Clear Card will end, and whether Sakura will be able to regain all the memories and the time lost with them, beating the Forbidden Magic activated by Kaito, we might even draw another reference - how Ende's Momo is able to give the stolen time back to the people of her town.

4) "Tsuki ga kirei desu ne" (月が綺麗ですね) / Natsume Sōseki + "Kaze no nai yoru ga boku wo semetogameru" (風のない夜が僕を責めとがめる) / SPARKS GO GO

In chapter 48 of the manga, Akiho, unable to sleep after waking up from an unsettling dream, heads to the garden of her home in the middle of the night. And there surprisingly she finds Kaito, also awake and staring intently at the full moon. In a magical and emotional scene, illuminated by the full moon and prompted by feelings of worry for Kaito's pale complexion - too pale for his own good, Akiho tells him "Can we talk a little bit longer? Because...the moon is really beautiful".

At first, these can seem totally normal words of admiration for the full moon illuminating the two. But actually in this scene, Akiho has just covertly confessed to Kaito that she loves him. Many of you probably already know, but in Japan there's a little story that takes us back again to the famous novelist Natsume Soseki who seems to influence Clear Card so much (he'll get another mention later in this post). There's no actual written evidence of this, so Japanese people tend to consider this as some folklore tale, but when Soseki worked as an English teacher, he allegedly corrected one of his students who translated too literally the English phrase "I love you" in Japanese. He supposedly said "that's too direct, Japanese people don't express such phrase so directly. You should use 月が綺麗ですね (tsuki ga kirei desu ne, 'The moon is beautiful, right?') instead". And that's how the myth of expressing "I love you" in Japanese with "the moon is beautiful, right?" was born. It is very poetic, romantic and subtle so there's no doubt its popularity is really high and used in all kinds of media even today. And, I have to say, it fits romantic, shy and bookworm Akiho to a T. But how can we be sure that Akiho was really-really meaning that? It's because of the quotation marks on the original Japanese script. Akiho was deliberately quoting a source. And her face right afterwards, eyes cast down and red as a tomato, is the final proof of her intention. We still don't know, 24 chapters later, if Kaito's surprised face meant he understood what she was secretly meaning, or not.

However, I have a second source for this particular line from Akiho. One day I was searching on the internet, wanting to know more about this popular phrase, exactly as she worded it (it's slightly different from the classic one) and I stumbled upon the song "Kaze ga nai yoru ga boku wo seme togameru" (The windless night is reproving me) by Sparks Go Go. It's a love song from 1993, and the very first verse features the very same line Akiho said, worded exactly as she did. When I started to translate the lyrics, I was shocked. The lyrics actually fit perfectly the scene in the garden under the moonlight and what was going on between Kaito and Akiho in that moment, so much that it really makes me wonder if Ohkawa wasn't trying to make a double reference here:

Since the moon is beautiful I'll invite you for a stroll outside Tonight it's a bit chilly So wear one more layer of clothing I'm stammering And for some reason I suddenly realize All the feelings I've kept inside till now The windless night is reproving me Even though you're telling me A funny thing that happened to you today Tonight it's a bit different than usual My heart is twinkling Our footsteps echo softly As if I'm about to realize something All the feelings I've kept inside till now The windless night is reproving me The windless night is gently inviting me

As you can see, it's almost a precise description of that scene, with the mention of the stroll at night under the moonlight, the talk and the hidden feelings that are being conveyed in that moment.

I'll conclude this paragraph with something that I usually always mention when I tell people about the "moon is beautiful" 's hidden meaning in relation to Clear Card's storyline, because I think it's highly related. There are several ways to respond "I love you too" to a love confession made in that fashion. And one of the most popular ones that gets associated so much to this phrase (despite not coming from the same author but actually another one, Japanese novelist Shimei Futabatei who lived in the same period of Soseki) is 死んでもいいわ (shinde mo ii wa), which literally translates in English to "I can die happy" or "I can die for you" (you already know where I'm going with this one, right?). Apparently, Futabatei decided to translate in Japanese as shinde mo ii wa the Russian word Ваша present in a passage of the book "Asya" by Ivan S. Turgenev. The word Ваша actually literally translates in English as "yours", and the scene showed a woman deeply committing to her love, but since this is the same period as Soseki, the Japanese novelist used an indirect way to express it. I've read that the choice of shinde mo ii wa is tightly connected to the context of the original story, where a woman of low social status (an illegitimate daughter of a Russian landowner) and a man of higher class fell in love, but kept it hidden for most of the story. Back in those times, such relationship was frowned upon by society and so, indulging in that love could also be seen as the death of someone's life in society. In that sense, that "I would die for you" expresses the spirit of abnegation and complete dedication that such profound love inspires. Now, back to Clear Card, consider who's literally sacrificing himself for Akiho, and draw your conclusions.......

5) Liber Ivonis, Celaeno Fragments / H. P. Lovecraft & August Derleth

When Akiho visits Sakura's home in ch. 26 in order to learn how to cook from her, Sakura also brings her to visit her father's small library. In a very excited way, Akiho recognizes some books of her interest and she asks Sakura if she can take them. Those books are, in order of appearance, "Liber Ivonis" and "Celaeno Fragments" (there's a small typo on the book's title, due to the ambivalence of R/L in Japanese) which are two books featured in the Cthulhu Mythos created by US writer H. P. Lovecraft. Both books seems to be grimoires about occult topics and dark magic spells. It is very likely that the two books are merely easter eggs (they had no influence whatsoever on the plot) or a covertly way from CLAMP to let us know that Akiho was acquainted with magical books.

6) Buying Mittens (手袋を買いに) / Nankichi Niimi

"Buying Mittens" from Japanese author Nankichi Niimi is the book Sakura and Akiho are asked to read to the children of the hospital in episode 19 of the Clear Card anime. The story features a baby fox going on a journey to a nearby village to buy mittens to warm its cold paws in the rigid snowy winter. The story revolves around the themes of trust in other human beings. Although the mother fox advised her little one to be careful of human beings, because if they found out it was a fox, something terrible would've happened, the little fox actually finds out humans are not all the same, and the human being selling the mittens wasn't actually harmful at all.

See, when this episode was released in May 2018, I remember it got a lot of criticism for being a "wasted episode" and not bringing the plot forward at all. But I had already understood back then that this was actually a very symbolic episode for one of the major thematics of Clear Card, which would've shown its full importance only later on the story: how much we can trust other people, especially when we don't know them and they are having seemingly hostile behaviors. I knew the anime staff chose to feature this book for a precise reason. With hindsight, from the manga storyline POV, this is absolutely connecting to how Sakura had her trust tested multiple times in the entire arc, not only towards Kaito who had the most ambiguous behaviors, but also her loved ones, starting from Syaoran himself - who stole her cards in the very beginning and even lied to her, hiding an important truth for her sake; but also Yukito, for a moment, when he activated the Moon barrier all of a sudden, scaring even Kero and Suppi; or how inevitably Sakura's trust in Akiho was also put under pressure once she found out that Kaito was a magician and so inevitably she had to question the reliability of a person very close to him. Trust, trust in your beloved people and even more deciding to trust someone you don't know well is of utmost importance in this arc. If Kaito the magician is, in Buying Mittens, the human known for hurting and hunting and killing foxes, Sakura is the little fox who has to make the important decision of whether she can trust him or not, especially when she's in a moment of vulnerability (in the story the little fox shows the fox paw instead of the human hand to the hatter, who recognizes it as a fox but actually doesn't hurt it at all).

When Sakura found out about Kaito being a magician, she made a careful and delicate decision: she decided to trust Akiho and indirectly to trust Kaito too, avoiding to jump to conclusions and to ruin Akiho and Kaito's relationship by questioning her friend about Kaito's nature. And despite acting in shady ways for the entire arc, and sometimes being just misunderstood - leading everyone to believe he intended to hurt Sakura, in the end we found out that none of that has ever been Kaito's intention from the very beginning.

As repeatedly told by Nanase Ohkawa of CLAMP in Twitter Spaces, Sakura trusts her loved ones, and that actually represents her strength to believe that she will always be ok and everything will eventually be alright.

At the end of the Buying Mittens story, on its way back to his mother, the little fox hears a human mother singing a lullaby to her baby, and the fox draws a parallel to its own mother. Thanks to that, while being cuddled by the mother fox later, the baby fox says "maybe humans are good, after all". Motherhood and mother's love is definitely another thematic common to Clear Card and Buying Mittens, but also finding something that wholesome in common between the two species (humans and foxes) is the key to trust that there can be something good to be found even in "the other" that seems so scary and oppositive in the beginning. I'm certain that will also be a huge theme that will lead Sakura to help Akiho and Kaito in the very end of this climax.

7) Night on The Galactic Railroad / Kenji Miyazawa

"Night on The Galactic Railroad" is the title of the book Yukito is reading to the children of the hospital in episode 19 of the Clear Card anime.

8) "Oborozukiyo" (朧月夜)

"Oborozukiyo" is a Japanese folk song that gets featured in chapter 9 of the manga and episode 6 of the anime. Tomoyo and Akiho sing together this song in 2 different occasions between manga and anime: in the manga they sing it at the hanami in front of group of school friends, while in the anime it is a song that Tomoyo suggests to Akiho to sing together, and at the end of the performance she offers Akiho to join the choir later. The song is also featured in the Clear Card soundtrack album.

9) Special references appearing in the mobile game Happiness Memories:

Botchan / Natsume Sōseki

Natsume Soseki gets mentioned again in the Happiness Memories game when Akiho, in one of the photostories (the one focused on the study of English, with Syaoran reiterating his love to Sakura in English without her knowing what he meant ❤️) tells Sakura she's looking for the English version of some books, namely Night On The Galactic Railroad by Kenji Miyazawa (already mentioned above) and Botchan by Natsume Soseki. Apparently, Kaito suggested her to find those books and read them in English, since she's still having some difficulties with Japanese language. Akiho doesn't initially remember the titles of those books, so Syaoran intervenes and tries to help.

The Wandering Lake / Sven Hedin

"The Wandering Lake" is a book written by swedish geographer Sven Hedin. This one gets seemingly mentioned during one of the photostories set during the old anime arcs, where Syaoran gets invited to the Kinomoto home and bakes a cake with Fujitaka and Sakura (I don't really know much of the details because I never got this card 💦) While they wait for it to bake, Fujitaka and Syaoran talk about their favorite subject, archeology! And Fujitaka apparently makes references to this book (he supposedly mentions the lake name, Lop Nur) while explaining his love for archeology.

And I believe that's all for this first installment of "Clear Card Trivia"!! I hope you enjoyed it and maybe that it surprised you too, for some reference that you didn't catch before today! My love for this story is infinite, for all the reading "layers" it provides us with, and one of those is composed by all the literary references featured in it, since books are really so important in this arc. Knowing all these little quotes and references makes me appreciate CLAMP's efforts to build this arc as something deeper and more meaningful.

As I said in the beginning, I intend to update this post in case something else comes up in the handful of chapters that are left! See you next time, what will I feature? I have looooots I want to talk about!!

[factorialsotherfandoms]

hey!! o/ just finished binge reading your xcom-qsmp au on ao3 today and just wanted to say that i loved it!! i'd already read parts of it, but i just got to the rest and enjoyed every word of it. one of my favorite parts was the Dream chapter of Remind Me How It Feels To Hear Your Voice. watching mike slowly put the pieces together in the back-to-back dreams, figuring out what's going on, what pac is doing for mike, what he's doing to himself. (auuugh pacccc </3) i have more thoughts abt this section but i think i'll just go leave a comment on the fic itself at some point bc it is much too long for this already long ask lmaooo

anyway!! question for you abt your xcom au (if you're still taking questions that is): it's mentioned in the fic that cellbit's psionics are "academic" (if i'm remembering correctly) but pac and mike have a soul bond situation going on, which has a different sort of psionics, from what i've gathered. so, what is the difference? and if cellbit's psionics are "academic," then where and how did he learn them? and how/why are tazercraft soul-bonded? idk if this will be answered in a later fic but basically any spoiler-free info you've got on the psionics in your au that you're willing to share, i'm all ears. for reference i know nothing about xcom besides what you've told me so. yeahh.

(also the way pac and mike can just swap between bodies, mush into each other until they're pac-and-mike, communicate without really having to think words over the bond, that's so cool!! and the way pac takes mike's migraine'd body so that mike can get to sleep <33 can you tell one of my fav parts of this au is the psionics because one of my fav parts of this au is the psionics hfjdsk)

Ah! I'm super glad yo enjoyed it <3 comments here, comments there, whereever you comment it's greatly appreciated and makes me smile <3 The dream bit wasn't originally planned for, but is my favourite

Okay, so psionics. God help us all. First, wiki entries for the actual xcom2 canon so I don't confuse you too much

But I should also yeet you this one...

XCOM2 canon wise its also used by the Templars, so their stuff here:

So okay now I've done that, AU version time.

Eh this isn't super spoilery as the characters just kinda know these bits already, or never actually work it out. The where did Cellbit learn it is relatively easy - he's been nicking shit from the aliens for most of the last decade. In terms of an actual study, the aliens and Federation are far superior than any human run facility. Learning it takes putting your body through a lot of abuse, and leads to specific, defined powers the effects of which are known and quantified. Not everyone /can/ learn it, and some are more naturally talented than others, but with time and effort shit can be worked out. Cellbit's been watching and reading and learning, copying known techniques (even if he snuck shit out without a teacher) in an attempt to learn known powers. Once he meets up with the group he spends time with Antoine and Ironmouse - Antoine literally makes a field of academic study about psionics, what exactly it is and how it functions, while Ironmouse as (openly) a demon has a unique connection to it (she can use the psionic field to eat bits of people's emotions, dulling said emotion in return for power. Indeed, it's a demon's primary food source). But still it's very much a case of 'I know this can be done and this is approximately how to do it, now how do I actually make it so'.

It should be noted that Cellbit's powers can be used on anyone (bar himself in some cases), and because they affect the world generally as well as targets specifically can be boosted or nullified by local environment changes.

Every person makes a dent within the psionic field, by nature of having a soul. Cellbit's use of psionics is learning how to tug at the field around them to have knock-on consequences for the target - or in cases such as when he's trying to shield Pac from a possible threat that time Mike contacted him from too far away, an area around himself as he basically grabs the threads of that layer of reality and forces them to freeze.

Next we pause on specifics to talk about soldier bonds. The early and tbh most useful effect of bonds in game (give an action to your bondmate are actually also powers a PsiOp has access to (AKA Cellbit's class) - hand over an action, and remove negative mental effects when next to each other. It follows then to me that the powers are related, but in a different form - and, notably, they are only able to be used on the bondmate. Bonds form simply by spending time in high stress environments together, and how quickly they form depends on just a random number generated. Every unit has a randomly assigned bond-compatibility with every other unit, which is how many 'points' they earn each mission. Each time the bar maxes out, a bond-pair gets new powers (but only one bondmate per person, and it must be mutual).

To which my read on it and what's going on in this au is that bonds are extremely limited psionic sub-networks. Your souls/minds/whatever have via exposure and stress and shit become partially synched to one another, such that when you are nearby there is a slight ripple effect between you. Allowing for the perfect timing and your encouragement having mechanical effect and all. Just little things, mostly, but it's there.

Now, Pac and Mike. Pac and Mike are weirdos, and I say that with affection. They won't be the only example of what they can do that's ever existed, but given... reasons which are spoilers both for the game and if I ever bother to write plot into the AU, people like them are being actively hunted down. Still, what they have is an extremely powerful version of the basic bond thing, one that has become only more apparent with time.

This is for a few reasons. I'll bullet point the ones I can remember without my notes while sick and having just taken meds which fuck my brain <3

Pac and Mike are both just naturally very sensitive to psionics. This would make them great to learn the sort of stuff Cellbit does! They'd be extremely powerful! But they're also both more susceptible to the powers being used on them (for sake of the fact they weren't in game, their ability to reflexively shield themselves and each other is basically a thing they developed during the initial war when they kept getting hit in the face with these effects and needed to live, and sort of... cancels out their penalty? As long as they get it in time. Their ability to shield each other is superior to themselves, tho)

Pac and Mike are just compatible. Of all the many people in the universe, their souls just happen to harmonise well. Everyone's soul haromises a bit with everyone else's (okay no there are some exceptions but that's due to external factors without having been fucked with they would), and with enough time and effort anyone (same disclaimer) can improve their harmony with anyone else. Most people don't bother, because there's no real... understanding of this as a thing? And most people are never in the sort of constant life-or-death situations for the months if not years it'd take. And then aren't in the sorts of situations to realise they can effect each other. Pac and Mike... Well, theirs just started very in synch

Pac and Mike met very young, and under extremely stressful circumstances. It is very much not the case that all orphanages are abusive, but theirs was (if when it shut down the remaining kids ended up homeless even just a few who got lost in the paperwork its not a good place to be. Which. *gestures at those two*). Also like. Orphanage. Nobody ends up in an orphanage for happy reasons. Mike in paticular was bullied a lot, shit happened, etc. Followed by being homeless. And all of that.

So, by this point, they were heavily in synch. It was them against the world, two teenagers who had a lot of ability to manipulate the psionic field - something at the time humanity in general had no idea existed - constantly together and constantly extremely stressed for years. They didn't notice the initial powers, because why would they? It happened slowly over time and just a bit of. They did, however, notice when they started feeling each other's emotions, something which developed into each other's thoughts.

And then, what's two intellectually curious kids already on the path to a life of crime to do, eh? Well, experiment of course. If they could think at each other, perfecting their timing was a natural step. If they could get perfectly in synch then maybe...

... And oops, they blurred together

And go wow this is really useful I bet we can do it again. And worked it out between them. The bodyswapping and perfect synch they developed as career criminals because um well it's actually really useful if the guy who knows everything about computers and the guy who knows everything at lockpicks can be in two places at once, you know? Just in case one body runs into the problem.

So, yeah, that's how they got here. Cellbit studied already known, tried, and practiced methodology. Tazercraft woke up with telepathy one day and decided to fuck around and find out. Also, because Cellbit has studied how to manipulate the field in general he can use powers on anyone, but they're generally a little weaker. Tazercraft meanwhile manipulate not the field but effectively have a shortcut through it to each other's brains, where they can work directly. A little hole in that layer of reality that connects them together, no matter how far apart - though the further apart they are, the more exhausting it is to reach through. As they manipulate each other's minds/souls/brains directly rather than just tug the area around them to make it shift certain ways, what they can do is a lot more powerful. But, only on each other.

Also different skills, because Cellbit studied (even if it was self-guided study using resources stolen from various places) while Tazercraft ran on instinct, desperation, and curiosity just to see if they could.

(Sorry Tazercraft get more because they have the special custom stuff, while Cellbit just has like. The actual in game stuff.)

I said earlier that there are others like Tazercraft. Not strictly true. There's others whose bonds are as strong, but no pair is going to have stumbled into the same thing.

(The bonds other soldiers form in game having all the same powers? Is because their bonds are being allowed to develop but also being intentionally guided in certain shapes, and also by the /same/ stress factors - ie the fucking aliens - so the things they're doing to try protect each other are similar to the same. Aliens shooting you leads to very different necessities than trying not to starve! Though tbh similar to local bullies keep breaking your nose. And they'll never be as strong, because there's something very different about the bond when you grow up with your souls partially merged and if you connect them as adults. That's if I even decide to keep the other bonds as story things rather than just occasionally they're weirdly in synch. I'm honestly tempted to not keep those bonds that formed in game, and when the powers are significant maybe its an indicator of a bond but its not something anyone knows about. Just. A slightly uncanny timing or lucky shot or whatever.)

But yes also this is one of my favourite bits too! Feel free to continue poking me its just ha;f ten and I'm sick so like. God only knows if this was coherent <3

[takeyourcyanide]

🎨 :3c

❤️✍️🚀

Ask game link

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

This is unrelated, but I’m partial to the little face you used. Ok, time to actually answer the question.

Sincerely, while there are certain fics and scenes I think would be interesting to see turned into fanart - and I will bring those up in order to answer the question properly - I’m perfectly fine appreciate of any fic and scene being drawn. I think there’s something special to me about seeing which fic/scene someone chooses, it feels more personal on their side, you know? I mean, perhaps there were some that gave the individual more ideas than others, but simultaneously it’s like “oh, they connected with this one in particular? How fascinating!” However, as I previously mentioned, there are certain fics I would find it realllyyy interesting to see in fanart form. Fics such as That Which Destroys You, You Adore, and Prey were two I thought would be so fascinating to see played out in another’s mind, and put onto paper (or digitally, ofc). I also wondered how the agere fics would be depicted, or how they’d play out in another’s mind. That’s something I love about fanart- I can see how the words I’d written manifested in someone else’s mind/their perspective. With TWDYYA, I just want to see which scene is drawn. I like gore, what can I say. Will they depict Spirit hunched over a toilet? Or perhaps Spirit being cut open and injected with profuse amounts of iodine? And then with Prey, it’s so all over the place, I want to see how one would depict that outside of a short film or fic. I’m genuinely curious. I think fanart could really bring it to life- that’s what it’s good at. And when it comes to agere-adjacent fics, or even the more recent Rationality one, I’m curious to see how people picture a very childlike Stein who refuses to let go of his stuffed animals. But I think I’m more curious about the first two, especially Prey- in my opinion, I think there’s some.. hm.. sort of material there? I can’t word it properly, but there is some material there for expressive, somewhat visceral art? Stein’s reactions to particular sensations and such. Or even the other character’s reactions towards his static. It would just be interesting to me.

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

I’m going to be honest, the disorienting lapses in my memory tend to affect my memory of my of my fanfics. But I do remember some of the fics I like lines from. I liked particular ones from Rationality; a Supposed Loss and Deterioration, TWDYYA, Prey, A Tarantula and a Praying Mantis, I think maybe Woeful.. hmm. I think I liked certain lines from many of my fics, even if I didn’t like the fics themselves. I can’t always recall specific lines, but I remember the sort of concept behind them, or the state of mind I was in when writing them. Certain ones that were brought up in comment sections, I liked. I don’t think I’m going to sift through my fics to find each line I might’ve liked, though. I liked lines in Self-Cannibalism, as well!

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

I did answer this in a previous ask response, so I’ll simply summarize what I said. Essentially, I’d like somewhere comfortable and quiet. Not too hot, not too cold. I want somewhere I can focus and process my thoughts, perhaps with gentle music in the background (and no fucking advertisements). I’d like to not be bothered by the noise whilst writing. At least not too much.

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

Both! I start by attempting to outline, and this can especially help given the scrambledness. I’ve tended to create as I go after outlining, because sometimes I would outline particular scenes and what the concept of the fic was, and sometimes would end up figuring certain parts out as I’d go. But I do a lot of outlining and pacing when it comes to all of my projects, whether it be a drawing, painting, or fic. I can see it all in my head, and even my fics often begin more as short films than anything. Though I can also see my notes app in my head and the words in my head mixed in with the visuals. I’ll outline the scenes in my head, I narrate over them. That’s often how I write. I just describe the visuals in my head, which can be difficult due to the static, which is why so much outlining and pacing is involved. So, yeah, a mixture of both, but there’s a lot of outlining done, and a little bit of creating as I go. Perhaps sometimes half and half? Depends on the fic, honestly.

[yuppieresearch]

THE LOST TAPES

throughout the sintracorp building, there are several nameless VHS tapes that have been dubbed “the lost tapes”.

The lost tapes are never specifically referenced by anyone in-game, and Brian himself only comments on the lack of a title for the very first tape; he wordlessly collects the other two. The only tapes that any of the NPCs mention are the Videoclub Misterio tapes, which I have already made a post on here. Because of the lack of acknowledgement, it is hard to draw any definitive conclusions from these tapes, such as why they were made and who made them.

Each tape features a symbol drawn on the tape itself (with the exception of the final tape, which is only accessible via the Sintra residence television), and said symbol is also displayed at the beginning of the corresponding tape. The symbols on the second and third tapes are both vévés, religious symbols commonly used in different branches of vodun. Because of their correlation to vodun, I personally assume these tapes were created or originally owned by either R. Corvo or Mr. Hugo, though this is a bit of a stretch.

CONTENTS OF THE TAPES/MEANING OF THEIR SYMBOLS

LOST TAPE #1

The first tape features no dialogue. It seems to show two people attached to a string and gear mechanism, which causes the two of them to walk towards each other when activated, but other than that, it is nearly indecipherable. A friend of mine proposed the idea that the two intertwined individuals are supposed to represent Brian and Mr. Devil, with the string mechanism specifically reminding him of puppetry.

As for the symbol found on the tape, I believe it to be Hecate’s wheel. Hecate’s wheel is a Greek symbol used to represent the moon goddess Hecate. She is mainly known for her "triple goddess" aspect, appearing in the form of each phase of female life: maiden (the virgin), mother, and crone (the witch). These three sides are reflected in her wheel.

I am unsure if the symbol corresponds to the tape at all, but I find it interesting that it is easy to assign characters to the three sides of hecate: Kate or Atia Moeta as the virgin, Xiu Ying as the mother, and Domori or the snake as the witch.

LOST TAPE #2

The second tape also has no dialogue. We are shown a hand-drawn animation of two children playing together. The shorter child noticeably wears an eyepatch, which the other, taller child draws an eye on. Whether this is done in an attempt to comfort or tease the shorter child is unclear, but the shorter child appears uncomfortable or uneasy. It cuts to the shorter child walking alone in the woods and discovering what appears to be a woman's corpse. A section of the deceased woman’s hair moves around before the tape ends.

I believe the symbol on this tape is the vévé of Ayizan. Ayizan is the loa (or, spirit) of the marketplace and commerce in vodou. She is regarded as the first priestess, and as such, she is associated with priestly knowledge, purification, protection, and mysteries. Though the theme of mystery is prevalent with these tapes, this gives no context as to who these children are or how they relate to Yuppie Psycho.

LOST TAPE #3

This is the only tape to have dialogue. We are shown various shots of the ocean, boats, and a statue that I am unable to identify but it appears to be of a woman in blue praying. The subtitles read: "Darling, you were always right... I was not ready. to lose it all."

The symbol on this tape might be the vévé of Siete Rayos. Siete Rayos is the loa of lightning and fire, and seems to like cigars, rum, and bananas as offerings. From the dialogue and clips alone, i assume this tape is related to the Sintra family in some way. Rei often remarks that her family used to visit the ocean a lot on vacation, and there is the connection of fire to Domori’s burning.

Interestingly, the text files of Yuppie Psycho label this tape "homevideo," while none of the other tapes are given names (only being called "lost tape 1" and "lost tape 2″).

thank you again to my friend asher! he was a big help in identifying symbols and gave second opinions on the meaning of each tape. ^^ if anyone has any ideas on how these tapes connect to yuppie, please feel free to share!

[dearweirdme]

“I'm still holding out hope that's it's all pr, but if it's not, then I'm just upset at the FS. I just wish kpop would stop doing it with how homophobic they are”

you didn’t comment on this part of anons ask so i’m not sure how you feel about it but i just wanted to give my opinion bc this ask rubbed me the wrong way.

to start because i don’t want to get misconstrued, kpop definitely does do fan service and baiting (i’m not saying queer baiting because real ppl cannot queer bait). and while imo it’s up to the fan to realize they’re being baited (not in every situation bc some ppl are good at manipulation)- especially in todays climate - and fan service isn’t always bad as long as the idols aren’t intentionally trying to trick you into thinking they’re together, it’s still definitely annoying and irritating because so many of these straight idols end up being homophobic but are participating in fan service and baiting. and of course the companies and kpop world root for baiting and fanservice but then turn around and be homophobic and not even allow idols to come out. a lot of korea in general too of course. then you have the straight fans who love the idea of their idols being gay for each other but then are homophobic and unsupportive of gay ppl irl.

so yes i definitely agree with the last sentence of anons message BUT calling taekook fanservice/baiting just rubbed me the wrong way. now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying they aren’t together but in this case let’s just hypothetically assume taennie gets confirmed tomorrow and taekook ends up not being real, that does not mean taekook was all fanservice/baiting and they’re bad for doing it. if we’re simply looking at it from a taekook isn’t real perspective (bc i know most here believes they are but just for this hypothetical in response to what anon was saying. i know i’m repeating myself a lot but i just want to make sure you get I’m not actually denying taekook) taekook have never done anything to suggest they’re together. looking at tae’s support of lgbt+ artists and hints that you take as him confirming he is or hints or videos you take as confirming taekook is real are simply how you took things in your own perspective. they’ve never done explicit baiting or fan service. they’re close and showing how close they are isn’t wrong and they aren’t at fault for what fans assume. it’s also not like taehyung has not said to “get out of your imagination” before - you cant say they tricked you purposely. what i’m trying to say is if taekook ends up being fake it is not the fault of taekook you assumed they were. yes idols often do stuff like that but taekook never have.

i hope anon and you get what i mean !!

Hi anon!

Thank you for your input. I don't think I'll agree on everything you've said, but let me cut up your ask in smaller sections a bit to discuss. I'm probably going to rant a little.

you didn’t comment on this part of anons ask so i’m not sure how you feel about it but i just wanted to give my opinion bc this ask rubbed me the wrong way.

Yeah, I try not to invalidate anyone's feelings. If someone's upset they can't really help it, even if the reason behind it might be based on bias/misinformation/whatever. I try to ease peoples mind by explaining pr-tactics, bodylanguage etc... more tangible stuff. And it's very complicated matter. There's fanservice, skinship, real connections... all those are mixed together and all of them can co-exist. I was confused about the differences between those at first as well. South Korea being very different from my own culture made this really hard to disect. So I understand why fans are confused about this. Especially with SK being homophobic and shipping between members being... normal. A lot of Kpop's standards are weird to me (being from Europe). I have a big problem with the constant mentions of dieting for instance. Young girls are so impressive and having your idols mention being on a diet so often seems wrong to me. The obvious homophobia is a big NONO. Idols not being able to date in general.... not great although maybe it does at first give them more privacy, but the backlash they get when they do get caught dating, wow! So yeah, not everything is great imo. I am very much aware though that cultures differ, and things that are weird to me are normal to them (the enlisting for instance, I've seen many fans angry at the SK govenment for having idols enlist... and it is very sad.... but then again, most of us do not live in a country that is always in a tense situation with their neighboring country, so we don't know what that feels like). I think SK is slowly catching up, but change takes time... and for a whole culture to change even more time.

to start because i don’t want to get misconstrued, kpop definitely does do fan service and baiting (i’m not saying queer baiting because real ppl cannot queer bait). and while imo it’s up to the fan to realize they’re being baited (not in every situation bc some ppl are good at manipulation)- especially in todays climate - and fan service isn’t always bad as long as the idols aren’t intentionally trying to trick you into thinking they’re together, it’s still definitely annoying and irritating because so many of these straight idols end up being homophobic but are participating in fan service and baiting. and of course the companies and kpop world root for baiting and fanservice but then turn around and be homophobic and not even allow idols to come out. a lot of korea in general too of course. then you have the straight fans who love the idea of their idols being gay for each other but then are homophobic and unsupportive of gay ppl irl.

There being fanservice in Kpop is not debatable. There is, plain and simple. I feel anyone who has been a fan for an extended time is aware of this. I feel most of army who aren't in an actual shipping part of fandom are real quick to point to every single act of intimacy as fanservice. The way I see it is that they make use of fanservice and skinship a lot to justify physical interactions between members. The over the top grand moments are fan service and the more subtle moments they are able to classify as skinship (which is way more normal in SK than in my country for instance). Fanservice isn't bad. Most bands and artists do fanservice, some just do it more naturally than others. Fans should know that not everything an artist does is his/her/their natural behavior... not everything is spontaneous. Artists go through media training and probably also through training to make them appeal to fans more. I use Jk's flirting in lives as an example of learned behavior, because to me those flirty comments (although hilarious) seem prepared/learned. I do think for younger fans this is hard to understand at first though. You don't want to think of your idol as someone who 'tricks' you with their learned pr-behavior. You want to feel connected on a personal level, so you ignore the business side of things. It's happening now too. I'm calling out certain pr-tactics (which is normal for any artist) and yet I get hate for it. Artists always (!) come with a portion of business, they aren't able to do what they do without it. I’m not sure fanservice is supposed to look ‘queer’, I often feel the intent initially (in kpop) was to make it look obvious that it’s fanservice, but some artists just have such great chemistry that it’s easy for fans to start believing it. And once that seed has been planted, it’s hard to get rid of. But having a ‘ship’ alive and thriving isn’t actually bad for business, so labels probably don’t mind much (and might even encourage). It keeps the ships alive, but there will always be enough of army to immediately call "Fanservice" to 'defend' their artists.

so yes i definitely agree with the last sentence of anons message BUT calling taekook fanservice/baiting just rubbed me the wrong way. now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying they aren’t together but in this case let’s just hypothetically assume taennie gets confirmed tomorrow and taekook ends up not being real, that does not mean taekook was all fanservice/baiting and they’re bad for doing it. if we’re simply looking at it from a taekook isn’t real perspective (bc i know most here believes they are but just for this hypothetical in response to what anon was saying. i know i’m repeating myself a lot but i just want to make sure you get I’m not actually denying taekook) taekook have never done anything to suggest they’re together. looking at tae’s support of lgbt+ artists and hints that you take as him confirming he is or hints or videos you take as confirming taekook is real are simply how you took things in your own perspective.

I think you are trying to say that Tae and Jk have never done anything to blatantly state that they are together. They have not been obvious about it, so us interpreting situations would have been us interpreting things wronly and therefore we are to blame for misunderstanding (did I understand you correctly). I do agree that they haven't intentionally been obvious about it. I feel very strongly that they do not intent to out themselves and that they even try to protect their relationship from being outed. There have been many moments that I feel their feelings were obvious, but we weren't supposed to pick up on those. In general, because at times they might have felt a bit more bolder, I think they want us to think they are really close friends. I do also feel though, that Tae and Jk have done fanservice (so maybe we disagree on this a bit). I think things can be both. Jk sitting on Tae's lap during the Las Vegas show to me was both fanservice and them wanting to. It’s like getting to do a part of your job that you really really enjoy. From a business perspective it would also be weird to never have Taekook do fanservice together, because they are obviously close, they are in the top physically affectionate members, and all members do fanservice on occasion. I think these things can co-exist. I feel fanservice comes so easy for Tae and Jk though, they just melt into each other. The way their bodies operate around each other is so lovely to see. Can we be mad about them doing fanservice? No, it's part of their jobs. Can we be mad at fanservice in general? Honestly, it would make fandoms lives so much easier if they were to tone that down a lot. Because it is confusing and it makes fandoms argue amongst themselves. Labels make use of that, because an argueing fandam means it’s very much alive.

they’ve never done explicit baiting or fan service.

I agree on the baiting, disagree on the fanservice. Fanservice is part of the job though, while baiting I would classify to a more personal level.

they’re close and showing how close they are isn’t wrong and they aren’t at fault for what fans assume. it’s also not like taehyung has not said to “get out of your imagination” before - you cant say they tricked you purposely. what i’m trying to say is if taekook ends up being fake it is not the fault of taekook you assumed they were. yes idols often do stuff like that but taekook never have.

Absolutely, they should definitely be able to express their closeness how they want. It's wrong to assume intimate behavior between men can't be romantic, but it's also wrong to assume intimate behavior between two men automatically makes them queer. My believe in Taekook stems from all things combined, the frequency of intimate behavoir, the body language, patterns in behavior, clues about queerness, the way I feel they were being hidden.

I don't know if my answer is satisfying, or comprehensable even... it's difficult matter and I feel I’ve just been babbling here 🙈.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

(1/10) More thoughts on the Every Single Album podcast - So many terrible takes about Harry’s hair. 1. His hair looked fine! It looked like normal long hair looks! It just didn’t look like styled hair in shampoo commercials. 2. If it had been greasy and unkempt, making fun of him wouldn’t be the way to go - it’s hard enough being a person let alone with that much scrutiny on how you look. 3. How do they square this commentary with their celebration of the message of treat people with kindness?

(2/10)The section where they talk about whether or not Harry is pandering to fans with the rainbow stuff is so interesting. Especially how Nora talks about how Harry is different from Taylor because he has been showing support for longer. And although she mentions Harry ‘not labeling his sexuality’ she doesn’t really talk about the possibilities other than as Harry caring about his fans. I think the existence of closeting in the present is something that is kind of unsayable.

(3/10)Which I kind of get, but I think that in itself reinforces the closet and does a lot of harm. I am so interested in these ideas in the context of Harry doing My Policeman. After I listened to their podcast I went and listened to Heartbreak Weather. I liked some of the songs and can see the 6th One Direction album angle but I think my appreciation of One Direction is really wrapped up in both the stories I’m telling about them and also my experience of being in fandom.

(4/10) I never went to a show but I did experience the collective joy night after night through video clips, terrible live streams, and gifs. And although I don’t really connect with Harry’s music I can see where going to live shows or experiencing it through online fandom would make me feel different. It’s sad that Niall didn’t get to tour that album. Lewis Capaldi as Nialls most important collaborator is a good call from Nora (I also watched Niall’s Homecoming doc thing and was very charmed!)

(5/10) I quite like Nora and Nathan’s dynamic, and thought the discussion of whether Niall’s ever been in love quite funny. Now I’m telling myself a story where after seeing Harry and Louis fall in love at such a young age he yearns for a soulmate! I’m being tongue-in-cheek here but he did keep talking about going on nice dates with Lewis Capaldi in the docu…

(6/10) Alright I’ve just listened to the Louis, Liam and Zayn podcast. I loved what they said about Louis, especially Nora’s comment about how much it made her see Louis as the center of One Direction’s sound. I know it’s the story I’m telling but I’ve always thought that One Direction would have been the most different if Louis hadn’t been in the band, both in terms of the sound and in the relationship dynamics of the band.

(7/10) I think Louis had a strong relationship with each member of the band and it made them all gel together better. I wish they had talked more about Walls because one of the things that I absolutely love about Louis and his songwriting is the emotional maturity and vulnerability of his lyrics. They’re reflective and straightforward, and have a sort of honest optimism that I really connect with.

(8/10)The line from Two of Us “We’ll end just like we started, just you and me and no one else” just really hits me hard. This is definitely more connected to my life but I find it really profound. The enormity of feeling of having a child and the enormity of feeling of losing a mom.

(9/10)Peak Nora: Definitely the comment about No Control being Louis exerting his heterosexuality - I can’t get over how hilarious that is! Peak Nathan: I can’t decide if peak Nathan is his love for I Should Have Kissed You that came out of nowhere, or if it’s all the almost larry comments that then swerve in the total opposite direction. Worst Moment: Either moralising about smoking or the comments on Harry’s hair, I think.

(10/10) Best Moment: I think broadly the best moment is just how engaged and excited they are about One Direction and each of their music. Do you have any best/worst/peak moments? Next up Harry's House! The only song I have heard is As It Was so I think I'm gonna listen through before I listen to the podcast. (Sorry for the mammoth ask - this was my entertainment while sick so I had a lot of time to think!)

*******

Thanks so much for coming back with your thoughts I found them super interesting. Definitely made me feel like I wanted to relisten to the whole thing. Really loved your thoughts on Walls. I'm so looking forward to Louis' new album, even though I am mourning that it seems like we've lost some specificity from Walls.

Love the idea off having some podcast categories. If they ever do any more 1D episodes (I would love a FITF episode, but fear it's unlikely) I will do these categories episode by episode.

Peak Nathan: Two things - being scandalised about references to smoking and his suggestions that he knows what is going on in Harry's love life and he treated Taylor and other women badly.

Peak Nora: Agree about Peak Nora being her suggesting that No Control was Louis exerting his heterosexuality. I also loved when she was talking about Love Me Goodbye and was like 'Louis obviously has a strong need for physical intimacy'. I am absolutely fascinated by her image of hypothetically straight and very horny Louis and love that she believes it.

Best Moment: Totally agree it was the combination of love and seriousness.

[captawesomesauce]

Thoughts at 6pm..

You know how a lot of people like to mark up their books? Highlight stuff, write in the margins, and all sorts of things?

I am an obsessive tagger! I tag all of my books with places, names, key events, and all sorts of stuff. I also highlight key quotes and things, but my tags are really important to me as I read because they help me link books to each other and help me create a fuller picture of what I'm reading!

See, the big problem with memoirs is that they suffer from a bit of tunnel vision. They usually only tell what they know, what they saw, what they experienced. Some will go beyond that a bit and tell a more general/overview of the situation and fill in some holes to stories, but unless that single event is the topic, you never really get a complete story.

I'll give you an example... the story of a US Army Specialist who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. I first came across his name in Col. Moores book "A Bullet Though the Helmet" as he was the pilot who picked Brigham and 2 others up when they were released. He goes in depth about his experiences in the cockpit, seeing the POWs for the first time and gives a little info on what happened to them and after. He also mentions the negotiations to free them, but only a little bit. The second book by Veith goes more in depth on the negotiations and politics and what it took to arrange for the 3 POWs to be released. It talks about how the US Government and the South Vietnamese President all had a hand in crafting the policies and what their concerns were, and it documents the actual meetings.

The third book though, I wasn't expecting to be related at all. See, the first two just mention that he was captured after an ambush near Tay Ninh. That's it. That's all that was said. No discussion of his unit, no discussion of the ambush, no anything. Just a quick passing general comment. So I'm reading Esher's book about his time with a Mechanized Infantry unit out of Tay Ninh Combat Base and he mentions an engineer that he'd never seen before hops up onto his Armored Personal Carrier as they head out to clear the roads. He then goes deep into detail about the before, during, and after of one of the most hellacious battles he ever experienced, how they were nearly decimated, what happened to everyone, and how the engineer was wounded and then captured. Esher won the Distinguished Service Cross for his actions in that battle and we now know more of the story about the Specialist! Hopefully I will come across a book that discusses what his captivity was like to get a more complete picture, but at least now I know what happened that day, I know about the negotiations to free him, and what happened the day he was rescued. You just never know what you'll find when you read these books, and how they'll be connected. But because I had tagged the guys name, I was able to find the other books quickly re-read the sections about him, and now I have a fuller picture of the story.

[prestigiouspea]

Rant time: I get so annoyed when ppl say "do your own research" in that tone like you're a moron for ever even considering that they would explain it themselves. Like ?? Babes, idk if you know this but on the internet 50% of info on anything is half truth irrelevant bs, the other half is click bate fear mongering. Not to mention the libraries because the factual things are usually 5-10 yrs out of date, and like .0000001% of any of the affirmentioned material is actual truth that you have no way to discern from the haystack of bullshit. If you know it so well, then link the proof, I'm not gonna spend hours researching whatever the crisis of the hour is when you could save us both time by copy pasting a link. I do that shit in comment section arguments like I'm writing a thesis but you can't link 1 mf website or screen shot?

And ik I just said most info is bs, but the fact that ik there is a needle in the mf haystack somewhere drives me insane because ignoring the problem perpetuates it just as much as contributing to it but if I have no proof it's legit I'm not gonna be herded by what could very well be fear mongering bs

Tbh, every other thing in society is terrible at it's core and unless you've got a lot of money and connections to do something about it or some kind of rally to start up, there's no reason you shouldn't be sharing your info about the issue in your EDUCATIONAL AWARENESS SPREADING VIDEO just so you can say "omg this thing is happening and it's wrong and you should be so mad😠" 30 different ways w no additional helpful info

(btw this doesn't apply to like minorities telling people to not do shitty descriminatory things because empathy is a common sense sort of thing and I could only imagine hundreds of generations before you being graphically hate crimed and shit, and by the time protective laws are passed to allow you to participate in society a little and ask the majority to stop treating you like roaches without being attacked, they sit there like lol ur wrong *slurs and suppression* and then you just have to deal w the continued fermented generational trauma and rage from that. I'm referring to the dime a dozen "don't buy from these ppl, don't support this" things that flood my socials every time I like 1 worldly event video)

[cranberrymist]

Why I like Tumblr

Can I be honest? This is a total rant post about a lot of stuff, but mainly why I feel comfortable with posting things on tumblr but not other places. I was just scrolling Instagram cuz I like to see my friends and sometimes there's funny hahas. I read a post (probably stolen from twitter) about how the richest person on their block put a note in everyone's mailbox asking for them to try and be quiet for a wedding ceremony they are having in their back yard at 2 pm right? That's all it said. At 2 pm on the dot, their neighbor starts lawn mowing and OP thought it was like the best thing ever. I just don't get it? That's not the main point tho. Main point = the comment section. I hate insta specifically because of the comment sections. It's literally just rancid. 50/50 on whether they sided with lawnmower person which is fine right? But some of the takes like make me physically uncomfortable. The thought that some people genuinely don't care about others makes me feel so weird. Like it's not hard to just be quiet for a little? I know they didn't give an end date to it and at first I was like omg they want them to be quiet from 2pm onwards until the next day and then I realized I'm pretty sure it clarified like wedding ceremony which only takes 20-30 minutes and the fact people are STILL mad??? Saying like 'ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do in my hose that I pay for' was one comment and like,,, they just asked politely?? I get we hate rich people, but honestly? They probably aren't that rich if their having a backyard wedding with some friends and family. And then someone started ranting about Gen Z even though no ages were mentioned in the post and then it turns out HE'S A GEN Z! And he called every other Gen Z (that wasn't himself of course cuz how could he ever relate to us plebs) so many horrible names?? And there's so many horrible comments on Insta that are so much worse than these and it's really horrible when all I want to do is see comments about the post, but there's always so many hateful people in the comments. I'll view a post by like an OF girl I'm friends with who is so sweet and everyone is just calling her fat??? or the n word?? or being sexist (which is expected but I wish it wasn't).

Anyways, I feel like I don't see that as much on Tumblr cuz you can perfectly curate your feed and no one really interacts with things they don't like on here. Like if I don't like something on here I just put it in my filtered out tags or say not interested on the post (or even block the person if I think it's a real bad take) but I never interact with the poster themselves like I'm never going to talk to them unless like they're harassing someone, but even then I'll probably just report. I just don't get why you would interact with things that make you feel bad or upset that don't have to do with human or animal rights nor helping the environment. Like if I say my favorite color is pink and you go mines blue! that's a meaningful moment of connection. If I go my favorite colors pink and you go kys pink sucks blue all the way, I'm going to actually implode and like dm your family on facebook or something with the message (if it's bad enough). Like genuinely I just want to be around posters who either agree with me or are mature enough to disagree and not attack me for my different opinion and I feel like tumblr allows me to do that in a safe way and also anonymously which I love cuz I hate people knowing who I am unless I'm specifically texting them. Also there's so many niches on here and i've discovered so many things that I enjoy everyday now on here and i feel like, for the most part, people are really passionate on here about some really amazing things and I love reading when someone's going off about a niche detail of a show we both love and then I can be like 'wow, you've opened my mind to new things' and that's just the best feeling