#now i am writing old men yaoi about him

[queenhawke]

this image did irreparable damage to my brain

[daftdrac]

Took me like two months to catch onto the dp&w hype cause I've despised most marvel stuff majority of my life but whaddya know the autism finally latched onto the silly homoerotic old man yaoi. Anyways I'm seeing the movie this Saturday and the intensity with which I am constantly shaking increases as the seconds tick closer. I'm also seeing it with my friend who's a big marvel nerd and I'm actually gonna eXPLODE cause he's been giving me lore about X-Men and Deadpool stuff since I don't know shit ❤️‍🩹 I've watched the first dp and plan to watch the second either Thursday or Friday to PREPARE. Guys if you can't tell I'm superrrr Neurotypical the most normal person ever actually and definitely not obsessed with toxic hurt comfort old man superhero yaoi

(I don't care that neither Deadpool or Wolverine are technically classified as superheros it's marvel it's superheros.)

Uhmm. I've already done like an hour of research about wolverines (animal) and have many many many silly head canons for the old man (I gave him a tail) (idk Wade's freaky he's into furries or something canonically isn't he)

I've drawn them sooo much already and I've done a few chibi drawings and I'm currently drawing Wade as a pinup girl (his suit is cuntified) but uhhh it's ROUGH rn so no wip 💔 erm I'm not okay like actually. These idiots have taken over my brain in a matter of like a week. And my depression is also kinda flaring up so my memory is SHITTT rn I literally don't remember anything that happened the last 3-5 days besides shaking with anxiety after I spoke to one of my teachers and thinking about these idiots. My friends are starting to get tired of this ♥️

I should probably stop writing now this is already a REALLYY long post uhm idk Tumblr etiquette so idk where I should put the post cut off I'm jjet gonna hope Tumblr does it automatically if it doesn't I'm sorry I've been having so many thoughts about these guys actually I just needed to write some (like 6%) of them down

[catominor]

Hi! I am looking forward to the cato yaoi (I personally think the triumvirs should be involved) but did you have any more furius/martinus excerpts you could share? I know it's still very much a work in progress. I just love your work ❤️

hehe thank you... i need to do evil things to cato as soon as i . get around to it and actually decide on like . an actual idea of what to write lol.

also yeah sure! i honestly don't have that much actual writing about them that i can share, but yknow what . why not ill share this prospective first meeting scene i wrote over the summer.

---

Lucius Furius Camillus’ house was the most beautiful on the Palatine. Or, at least, this was what Gaius Martinus had heard; he had little eye for such things. And yet all the same, he had been curious when the invitation came; he had noticed him before, spoken to him, very briefly, a couple of times, yet did not know much about the man. 

He followed Furius’ dignified form into the atrium. He was tall (though not as tall as Martinus) and straight, and thin as a rail. He moved with a pronounced limp; the result, Martinus had heard, of some long-past war wounds which had left him in more or less a permanent state of illness. Martinus glanced up, noticing the wax masks of ancestors hung near the entryway; a practice of patrician and illustrious plebeian families Martinus had always found somewhat foreboding. Furius coughed (this was another affectation of his old injuries) and continued on at a leisurely pace, falling back to walk beside Martinus. 

Martinus could hardly picture Lucius Furius in the army, much less in battle; to him the image seemed comical. Tall and stately though he was, he looked fragile, like a slight gust of wind could have easily borne him off. He was around the same age as Martinus (in fact, a little younger, although anyone looking at the two men would never guess); around forty-five, his short black hair peppered with silvery grey. 

The walls of each room of the house were decorated with frescoes; he noticed these were mainly composed of scenes of gardens, which were filled with all manner of exotic birds. Finely painted, indeed, although they were old and rather faded. In a corner of the atrium there was a shrine to the lares of the house; its candles flickered in lanterns and cast a soft glow onto the little silver figures. There were flower petals scattered at their feet. The house was quiet save for a faint clattering from the kitchen, the lamps already lit as the bluish evening light diminished. 

There was a faint chill in the air; Martinus shivered, and noticed Furius did too, but he did not move to put an arm around the man as he might have for others. Something in his gut told him the gesture would run the chance of offending his patrician sensibility. And he did not want to seem over familiar, anyway. They passed into the peristylium and its beautiful garden. Furius wore relatively simple clothing for the likes of a wealthy aristocrat of his time, but it was clean and clearly the best he owned. On his right little finger he wore a seal ring of gold and blue chalcedony, which bore the image of Juno; on his left index finger an iron senator’s ring.

He turned toward the garden. “I designed it myself.” he explained. Clearly he was particularly proud of this area of the house. “I selected plants so something is always in bloom; right now it’s the narcissus. I specified that the earth be laid out in these hills, so that it might look more natural than a usual peristyle-garden; I cannot afford and have no interest to leave Rome to go to the country; and I need to have something to myself.” 

Martinus did notice it was quite unusual. A few trees ringed the outside; oranges, olives, figs, something else he didn’t know. Large bushes of rosemary and lavender clustered around a small fountain, and blobs of thyme crept over rocks. Thick vines just leafing out climbed some of the columns and up onto the tiled roof.  The rest was a sort of collection of grassy hills divided by paths, various shoots coming up at this time in the spring to add to the hyacinths already in bloom. The scent of the place was otherworldly. 

The narcissus huddled at the roots of the trees in heavy clusters, winking at them like stars in a dark field. A couple of statues stood in the garden; they looked old, the paint on them long since worn away, and never refreshed. Furius motioned toward a bench near the little fountain. He sat down nearest the orange-tree, sheltered under its new-green leaves and doubly illuminated in the bluish evening tinge and by the little stone lantern on the ground next to the pool. He leaned over, lifted one of the flowers’ heads and studied it, still not looking at Martinus. He could detect some nervousness in his posture. 

“I… Invited you here because I have a problem. I want to become consul.” Martinus was not particularly surprised. “Oh?” 

Lucius Furius finally turned to him, looked at him intensely with his large dark eyes. “I know you want this too. I want us to run together.” 

Martinus was a little surprised. “Really? Are you sure our interests are so aligned?” 

Furius’ expression was hard to read; maybe a little apprehension. “They are aligned enough.” He paused, perhaps considering his sell. “You’ll never get anywhere without patrician support. And I” he sighed. “I can’t afford it on my own. I’m sure you know my family has not achieved much in the realm of politics for quite some time.” 

Martinus looked at him for a moment, thinking. It was true, he had trouble winning over the patrician segment of the political elite. Being an Italian nobody with only a few generations of wealth and one senate seat behind you would do that. But the simple fact was: “Why me?” he asked Furius. 

Furius thought for a moment. “Because I think you’re the most well-off man in Rome whom I can stomach allying myself with, as well as being in a position to stand for consul with me. I don’t know you, yet, but I’m not throwing away my idea because of that. …Are you a good man, Gaius Martinus?” Again the eyes fixed him. Stern, inscrutable. Lucius didn’t really believe he was. 

“I believe I have brought much glory to Rome.” 

Lucius Furius hummed assent. “Mmm…” A flicker of …sadness? In his eyes. 

“...Your own military career?” Said Martinus. 

 Furius looked a little pained. “I suppose not all are constituted for such a life. I was one of those… not constituted.” A faint dusting of pink passed over his face; as befitted a man so pale, even his faintest emotions were written brightly on his cheeks. Martinus decided to change the subject. 

“Your reputation as a voice for good sense in the Senate is unimpeachable, at least. Everybody respects you.” 

“Everybody also makes a pastime of coming up with vaguely insulting nicknames for me, and giggling about me behind my back. Gods forbid I spend my free time reading the greatest works of philosophy and literature in the world instead of hanging around in stinking, sordid taverns, generating adultery scandals, and frequenting brothels.” He said, bitterly. He had Martinus, an incurable tavern-and-brothel-frequenter, there. Martinus laughed. 

Lucius Furius looked up, fixing Martinus with his dark eyes again. “That won’t stop them voting me in as consul, though. I know it. And censor after that. Especially with you, the military man, behind me. You would win glory for Rome on the battlefield, and I would restore glory to Rome here.” Martinus smiled. “You know, I’m starting to like this idea. But… I’d still like to know you better. Come to my house tomorrow afternoon.” 

“I shall, Gaius Martinus.” Lucius Furius said firmly, proferring his slender hand and looking down his nose at Martinus. Martinus shook it. 

[prettysymbiosis]

frank vs. russia

starting the episode in media res and the circular storytelling!! the writing in this episode is really good overall, just so clever and inventive and effective. go off megan

“you ARE ready. everything you need is already inside you” sunny is ready to do a gay, gay-ass love story you guys. the gays are already inside it

titling it frank vs. russia when that’s clearly the b-plot? because we’re burying the lead? because we’re telling lies???

the denny’s shirt…

“aren’t you like 60?” misogyny is so sad 😞

dennis ANYBODY can get a guy to bang them ONCE reynolds

everyone wants dennis’ help but who will help dennis? :(

when mac says “it’s VERY romantic” dennis literally smacks the counter like… yikes

“one day he will and it is going to be hot” - I choose to believe this means that rcg think old man yaoi is hot and they are excited to show it :)

sunnyblr university is producing so many brilliant scholars who understand the significance of the beads as a metaphor for queerness and whether the audience is in or out and how it doesn’t matter because the queerness is all the way in and as of this episode it’s been turned up to full blast and leads us to a resounding victory. I’m just rehashing what others have said but I wanted to make sure I include it with my notes from this episode because it really is such a central idea and yet one that can be so easily missed by someone who isn’t reading the show like this... ugh the duality of sunny will never cease to confound me

dee calling mac out like yes bitch get his ass!! (so to speak)

uncle fucking jack walks in saying “they dropped all those charges weeks ago” - playdate EW - “I don’t– I don’t have any ice cream” - “shut UP dude, that’s gross, man”

charlie is so PRECIOUS in his little outfit and glasses

is he schizophrenic? I wonder if that will come up again or if it was just a throwaway joke

violent heterosexual shushing from dennis

the backing track of the sinned system/date scene is “in the hall of the mountain king” and it’s just so fucking classic sunny and so perfect

how did mac show patrick that he needed his power? and how did he engage physically?? we need to know these things!!!

kaitlin’s whole performance in the date scene is so fucking good

“the person who made him feel powerful, but also powerless.” the macdennis of it all is truly overwhelming sometimes

 the person whose validation he’s been seeking his entire life :/

“it worked” jesus christ mac

“well yeah but listen, the dennis system is a system for getting a woman. this is a system for getting a man, and that’s why sinned is actually dennis backwards!!” when I first watched this episode I was high as balls and sick with anticipation and this whole bit nearly pushed me over the edge. I mean he basically just straight up says that it’s bad for him to like men (sin) after explaining a tried-and-true system for getting them???

and then mac and dee are like “what are the chances??” and dennis is like HIGH >:( because they don’t see it. they don’t see it even though it’s been plain as day the whole time :(

dennis: “I’m still buzzin from last night” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

AND I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM oh baby boy I pray you will be

the nastiness in dennis’ voice when he says “well no, see, that’s the thing – johnny doesn’t love you. he doesn’t even like you.” glenn I’m scared of you

“they ARE my favorite” he wanted mac to realize :( and yes the crabs are deeply metaphorical

“yeah, because I AM johnny” “then who’s dennis?” “what do you mean?!” “well if you’re johnny, then who– who’s you?” one of the best sunny exchanges of all time!!!!!!!! I cannot overstate how much I love this dialogue. it just captures so much about them so succinctly go off megan!!!!!

“I can’t engage with you on this right now” great delivery rob, so funny

does dennis want to control frank like a pawn bc he felt like that’s what frank did to him? or he’s just frustrated at mac and wants a situation he feels in control of?

kaitlin’s “... yeah” when dennis asks if dee has more pills is just so funny I keep remembering it and laughing randomly

“we’re gonna need to turn the lights out.” GLENN I’M SCARED OF YOU

the POV Being Frank throwback! I love the tossing of the clothes and the blackness and the sound of the door, cool little sequence

charlie’s such a good cheerleader 🥹 his little point is so funny

do you ever wonder what danny devito might be doing with his career if he wasn’t pretending to be split in half by giant vibrating anal beads on it’s always sunny in philadelphia??

“you don’t have to do this” this one speaks for itself I think.

dennis and uncle jack, two sexual deviants having a laugh in the van :| (also the van situation is so classic sunny obvs)

mrs. mac saying “nice” god there are just so many hilarious little character beats in this episode

“I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO TELL YOU!!!” :( what’s in the texts rcgm

macdennis fightin :)

the full-blast alarm sound effect just gets me every time like to me that is peak comedy

The Burning Heart by Survivor is kind of macdennis coded tbh… “It's a primitive clash venting years of frustrations / Bravely we hope against all hope / There is so much at stake” “Does the crowd understand?” “Though his body says ‘stop!’ his spirit cries ‘never!’ (omg) / Deep in our soul a quiet ember knows it's you against you” like sorry if this song was supposed to be for straight people but it’s not anymore

so there’s something there about what’s acceptable and going full blast. the mommy issues are now explicit. dennis is bisexual. and he chose to have a romantic and sexual relationship with mac while pretending to be someone else, to the point that mac was in love with this other version of him. and he was so mad mac didn’t realize that he actually played his hand and told him, and mac still couldn’t accept it, upsetting dennis further. wtf man these homos are INSANE

[mcclintcock]

snippet of an old man yaoi, figured id post the snippet bc i'll never post the whole thing probably, kent got smacked in the face by a biker gang dude and ben is not happy about this, also kent is autism,,, i fucking hate writing cisgender old men idk what they say or do or anything

Ben knocked on Kent’s door. Kent was typing furiously on his computer, but stopped and tilted his head towards the ground when he registered Ben’s presence. “Kent? Selina really wants some predictions for California.”

“I am aware,” Kent replied.

“Kent, that was the neurotypical way to ask ‘When will you be done with the predictions?’”

“Oh, uh… tomorrow morning?”

“Then what have you been doing in your office all day?” Ben asked, his smile becoming more stiff.

“Working.”

“On what?”

“The predictions for the West Coast.”

"Well, prioritize California. And make eye contact with me, Kent.” Kent had a bad habit of making excuses to look at anything except the person he was talking to, which often made him look shifty and uninterested. 

“I thought I only had to do that in front of people.”

“I am people.” Ben waited for Kent’s acknowledgement, which didn't come. “Look at me!” 

Kent raised his head to make eye contact. As he did, he awkwardly scratched his forehead with his right hand. His palm perfectly covered his right eye.

“Why are you doing that? Just put your hand down, I can only see half your face.”

"My face is exceptionally regular today, I am sure you can imagine the rest yourself."

"Kent..."

"What?"

“Move your hand.”

“Why?”

“Why won't you?”

“My forehead is very itchy.”

Ben grabbed Kent’s wrist and tried to pull it away, but ended up pushing the heel of Kent’s hand into his eye. Kent yelped and instinctually kicked Ben in the shin, pushing Ben away and now clutching both hands to his eye.

“Sorry, man. But I think you'll live.” Ben paused, staring at Kent while he recovered from the gouge. “You're a big boy, it can't hurt that bad.”

“It is actually quite painful,” Kent replied quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Ben muttered in an uncharacteristic show of empathy. “Can I at least look at it…?” he added after a few moments.

Kent slowly and begrudgingly brought his hand back down to his desk, revealing a wicked black eye. “I’m an unofficial mediator of sorts in my club. Hernandez was messing with Rocco, and, uh, I had to step in,” Kent explained, doing his best to look Ben in the eye.

Ben dragged his palms down his face. “Kent… you need to get a new hobby. I don't like you hanging around those guys. Can you even see through that shiner?” he asked, bending down and squinting at Kent’s eye.

"I can see perfectly fine. Things like this happen very occasionally, it's no worse than the liver damage you accumulate from your drinking.”

“Drinking isn't a hobby, Kent. My hobbies are masturbating and watching TV, I’m just drunk while I do them. Being in a gang isn’t meant to be a hobby. The only reason to be in a gang is if you need to be for money or something, and you make good money here. ”

[orangeispice]

I would love to know ANYTHING you can tell me about this:

Please and thank you? :3c 💕

omg!! it's still a WIP for now but hopefully i am cooking

this is basically my attempt to write something set post-gang war

i'm a petermj shipper first and foremost but editorial's ongoing mischaracterization of them as a couple has put me off of writing anything for them at the moment

For a while now, randy has been a pretty important part of peter's supporting cast, and I'd even argue that with Harry out of the picture, Flash doing his own thing, and Johnny too busy growing that ugly af mustache, Peter and Randy have definitely hung out a ton. Hell, Randy made Peter his best man, so I'd even go so far as to say they're best friends.

So, post-gang war, Peter is on friendly terms with his superhero colleagues, mending his friendship with MJ and trying to be a better mentor for Miles.

Randy is struggling in the midst of the sudden breakup with Janice. Seeing as no one came to his bachelor party, aside from Peter, it wouldn't be far off to assume that he and Peter don't run in exactly the same friend circles; I'd say his closest friends are probably Peter, Glory Grant, and Norah Winters. Maybe Betty, but she has a baby right now...with Ned fucking Leeds💀.

ahem.

Randy and Peter hook up and get into a friends-with-benefits kind of thing. I like to think that Randy always had a thing for Peter that he didn't really read too much into because everyone he knew simped for Peter so he thought it really wasn't that deep.

Peter, on the other hand, is kind of put-off at the thought of getting into a relationship, given his shit record of his romantic life. Also, he may have realized during the time he was in a coma that he had feelings for Randy.

I love Janice to death, which is why I really don't want to demonize her while writing this, so I want to have her and Randy reconcile in some way by the end of the fic.

Also, it is very important to me that throughout the story, Robbie Robertson is very suspiciously glaring at Peter like: DID YOU FUCK MY SON, SPIDER-MAN???

Also, Robbie definitely cares for Peter as a sort of younger mentee, but he's flawed in the sense that he's very protective of Randy--as we can see with him not approving of Janice, and he had some problems with Randy's ex-wife, Amanda. So he's very skeptical as to if Peter will be able to protect his son, and understandably so.

(robbie definitely knows peter is spider-man)

(whenever jonah, robbie and ben urich have their monthly old men yaoi hookup they all think the other two don't know that peter is spider-man and it's really funny)

(miles is definitely making fun of peter in the background as all this plot goes down)

Since I've been rambling for a while I'm going to finish off with some evidence to back this pairing:

*images are not loading so bear with me lol*

There are definitely also a bunch of shippy moments from the older comics, these are just the ones from the current run

:D

[nameification]

🌈💞💌 for the fic writer asks?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

this one applies to both polaroids and the taken fic but like. for the taken one specifically I am so disappointed bc. I only did the chapter for ren and I really wanted to add the grian chapter but I just couldn't bring myself to do it and there's an entire scene where I use my knowledge abt 19th century clockworks and also what I've been told abt menory illnesses and just 19th century knowledge but I cannot bring myself to work on it no matter what. I also remember planning the etho chapter because I had Ideas for that. for polaroids I had like. a sort of corkboard in my mind abt just what to do and I wanna rewrite it and then ALSO This Place Is Not A Place Of Honor and I have like. one chapter written and a few illustrations already when I just. gave up

💞what's the most important part of the story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammer etc), the figurative language

OKAY SO when reading, it is always to me character and/or grammar. I've clicked off so many fics i thought would be interesting bc the characters were just Wrong. I can excuse grammar sometimes and if I can tell a fic will just have shit grammar I might click on it out of morbid curiosity (ahem that one time I liveblogged a fic in class) but I've built up enough resilience against subpar grammar to be. fine with it as a reader

as a writer, what I said above but also the figurative language because there's something about using a metaphor that hits just right for that specific character in that specific moment that feels so satisfying. when writing characters you don't want them to feel Off in a way that would make a reader unsatisfied and its okay to have a few grammar errors in fic (especially common ones, fic is free and beta readers are hard to come by) but just. be careful

💌share something about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited

OKAY so I actually have plans for some star rail fics but they're not fully realized yet and they're going to be infinitely more planned than what I have planned as fics for poor alhaitham but for now I wanna do clara & svarog fics where its just slice of life (and then a fic of when clara is grown up bc I write angst for a reason. robodad and his human child give me so much joy I love them So Much), a luocha and welt fic, a welt and void archives fic (copius amounts of Gay. old men yaoi. I have to finish apho 2 before this one because I still haven't done that) and also a fic with kafka (and maybe elio) in it (the heavens knows I'll be able to finish... one of those. maybe two)

anyways here's some snippets from wips wherein I hurt alhaitham the one on the left like. half-scrapped but only half-scrapped cause I still wanna work on it. it'll just take A While to do so

(I actually really like the writing style I chose for the one on the left cause its like. dottore's thought process and inner mind and. actually I want to show more I love how I wrote the first part so much and technically I can call it done but it would be injustice to the hurt part of hurt/comfort if I just stopped there)

I need to write in this style mor. it works best when the character is acting-to the beat of my vocabulary-Out There and Wild but a "softer" scene has been laid out by past me and I think I can utilize the way I write him to turn him into a threat even if 3rd person limited only limits us to outsider reactions of his character

actually just. about this fic in general is that I plan for it to have 3 really long chapters with the third being the longest (because thats where all the comfort will take place) and the first two are gonna be strictly in third person limited while the third one will also probs be 3pl except I change which character that perspective belongs to but I'm gonna try to limit myself to as few pov shifts as possible

oh god its 130am here. I like to ramble don't I. If I feel it I might ramble in the morning

[nineliabilityrisk]

⭐ do William also :3

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @trapton ]

WILL WILL WILL WILL

would you believe me if i said that i had absolutely zero interest in william as a character until i joined this community. but then i got introduced to you and nicole and ur guys' portrayals of him uh. successfully converted me. literally half my muses are obsessed with him. its your guys' fault. william afton my unhinged little babygirl i want to wring him out like a towel.

since this blog is solely for will, im just gonna list out my muses and then the possible verses / situations they could interact with will in

all the animatronics are pretty much a given, of course. what "version" of will it is just depends on the time period ofc, id love to write with any of them!! some highlights would probably be og freddy + bonnie with him, or the puppet or the funtimes . maybe even lefty or molten freddy for mr peanut if he feels particularly talkative

mikey ofc ofc - teen / younger mike is always fun to write even if its. a little difficult to do sometimes. like emotionally. (same with evan tbh i love writing him with will but he is IMPOSSIBLE to write if i dont have the muse.) and then of course fnaf 3 or pizza sim era with post ennard mike and springtrap or scraptrap,, plus i gave mikey a sb verse now! so! make him deal with his dads bullshit AGAIN! he will never be allowed to rest! never ever!

cassie maybe?? - i know TECHNICALLY nothing she did in ruin was related to him in canon but CMON. if you feel like yknow. subjecting her to MXES / glitchtrap or burntrap or ur like. literally anything. i feel like him having to deal with this bitchy little child would be incredibly fucking funny.

henry. henRYYYYY henry henry henry. - i need more of him and henry immediately right now like stat. fredbears family diner era or earlier or having them somehow meet in pizza sim era without one of them ending up dead. i do not care i just. i need them in any possible capacity. they r everything to me they r the reason i have had the phrase "doomed old men yaoi" stuck in my head for the past week and a half. it will not go away. i am in hell.

ciarán - are you kidding me. you KNOW how insane i am over them. also the benefit of ciar being an oc is that he isnt constrained by timeline. we could put him ANYWHERE. you wanna write springtrap? he could be there with him. glitchtrap? sure why not. literally anything. we dont have to stick with just this era weve sorta picked for them i can drop him ANYWHERE. i love their dynamic so so so much i am never not thinking about them

josh - i know mike was the only nightguard at fazbears frights and therefore the only one around while springtrap was Active, but also. josh is the type of guy to get assigned fucking Springtrap Maintenance Duties. subject him to the horrors thats literally what hes there for. he gets dropped in whatever awful job i decide to give him solely to have the absolute worst time of his life. get a little silly with it.

birdie - glitchtrap glitchtrap this ones for glitchtrap <3 a whole ass help wanted / sb centered muse. he has like 4 verses already planned out and i can always set up more i cannot WAIT to show you her blog i am always thinking abt her

[krisrix]

Omggggg you met your husband in art gallery? 😭😍 That's so romantic? And like? Super cute and sweet? Especially when you're an artist? I need to know mooore (if you're comfortable with that of course❤️)

It’s a very ridiculous story, so yes, let’s do it.

Here’s how I met my husband:

As I mentioned, this was an art gallery website that was catered to yaoi art. Specifically, all of the art (and I think maybe there was writing, too? I can’t recall) had to feature men prominently. This meant that, yeah sure, sometimes you had content that was G-rated, but the site was mostly smut or smut-adjacent 80% of the time. Because of that, you needed to be 18+ to have an account—and an account was required to even view the site.

Guess what? I was not 18+ 🤦‍♂️ But this didn’t stop me. (I am not condoning this.)

My gallery was a mix of smutty and not smutty, mostly the latter. I was only just turning 16 (yes, I know, stop judging me) and didn’t have a whole lot of privacy. (My mom is infamous for entering rooms without knocking, even when you’re pooping, and she’d rifle through a lot of my stuff. I didn’t want her finding a whole boatload of porny anime boys, so I didn’t draw that content nearly as much as I drew SFW stuff.) (However, despite these efforts, she did indeed find my stash of smut drawings one day, and that was a hell of a conversation.) 

Anyway, all of that to say: my gallery was fairly tame, especially given the usual fare on that site. There was this one drawing of Eiri from Gravitation (if anyone even remembers that show). He’s a writer, and a trainwreck, so I drew him half-asleep, trying to write with his cigarette, with his pen hanging from his lips—it was cute! I really liked the drawing. He was in his PJs, and there was bright sunlight coming in through the blinds on his window. He looked haggard as fuck. I was very proud.

One day, I get a comment on that drawing. I don’t remember it word-for-word. I don’t even remember what else was said, all I remember is that the commenter gave me constructive criticism on the hands. And outwardly I was like “cool thanks 😎” while internally I was like “BITCH DID I ASK?”

So I’m fuming. Because I’m 16 and failing out of my AP art class because my portfolio is coming out like shit. And what was the concentration of my portfolio? HANDS. This comment was like a personal attack on my very soul. (My AP art saga is a whole story for another time.)

I am livid. I am wounded. I have never been so affronted by a stranger on the internet in my life. This man is now my sworn enemy.

But... I don’t have time for a sworn enemy. Especially not for some chucklefuck stranger on the internet. I decide to wipe him from my mind—it was a big website, and most people were there for smut—odds were good we would never cross paths again.

A few weeks later, I get this friendly comment on the main page of my account. Not on any specific drawing, just in this sort of general comment thread every account had. The commenter and I start chatting about our mutual love of Gravitation. Then we decide to move the convo to AIM (really showing my age here). And then we’re basically chatting all the time. Staying up until 3 AM, drawing things for each other, RPing, the whole nerdy thing. His name is Simon (yes, really), he’s in Montreal, I’m in NY—same timezone, not too far away... Everything’s great!

Except he has a girlfriend. But that’s fine! We’re friends! Everything’s fine!

A few months in, he sends me a cute selfie, and I think, “I’m gonna kiss that mouth one day”. And that was that, my fate was sealed.

I redoubled my efforts. His relationship was on the rocks already—we’d had several conversations about it. I was comfortable being the tipping point for him to finally break up with her. (I know, I know, let me live.)

Eventually, they did break up because he realized how difficult things were with her and how easy things were with me. *hair flip*

We officialized our long-distance dating status.

A few weeks later, I’m replying to a new comment on that drawing of Eiri I mentioned earlier... and I see that old comment from the dude who dared critique the hands... and I look at the user name...

Oh my god, it’s my boyfriend!!!! We narrowly brushed “enemies to lovers” territory!!!!!!! How could I have been so foolish as to not really bask in it?!! Where was my slowburn??????!!!!!!!

Apparently, Simon had no idea that I didn’t realize I was talking to the same person the whole time. We had a very good laugh about it.

And... then I got banned from the art gallery website. Simon asks me why, and I say, “well, they found out I’m not 18″, and he says “...........what”

Oops!!!!!

Now, thankfully, I was already 17 by this point, and he is even more ace than I am, so there was nothing sexual going on between us anyway. But yeah, wow, big oops on my part.

So we’re 400+ miles apart, unknowing enemies-to-lovers, I’m a deliberate home-wrecker, and he’s an accidental cradle-robber. Really checking all the boxes for “what the fuck are you two doing?!”

But thankfully, it all worked out. We’ve been married now for 8 and a half years, 🖤 He’s my world.

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Important

Okay, let's have a talk about words and their effect on people.

This is mostly tying in to the discord, but since it also has to do with design decisions in general, I am putting it on here.

First of all: I'm old. Well, not really, but compared to most of you. I'm 47, been queer since the eighties, and I've seen some shit. Done some shit too, if I'm being perfectly honest. I'm not perfect. I wouldn't even be bringing this up if it hadn't been brought to my attention from other parties as well (thank you anon from yesterday) and so I thought we might have a talk.

A talk about Chen.

Now, originally, Steel was not intended to be a RO. There was only Ortega and Mortum, but then this fanbase happened, and I started seeing Herald with new eyes, and Argent as well, so I added them. No issues there, the game got longer, but also better for it. People who've been around a while might remember that I was quite hesitant to add Chen, and warned that his romance might be a lot more slow-firing than the others. But, as time passed, and I got around to writing him more, I made the decision to revamp some things, and everything started to slot in place.

Except there was still one big problem.

You see, in my design document I had decided that every RO should be available for romance. This is very close to my heart, I don't want to lock people away from content just because they want to play a particular gender. Hell, this game is all about identity.

But, Chen was also gay.

Now, two things. Yes, this is a fictional character. He is nothing but what I am writing him as. At the time nobody had any idea, I think I had mentioned it in an author AMA, and as everyone knows, everything not in the published game is non-canon. And two, people's sexuality is subject to change. I should know. I've yeeted  myself through most parts of the rainbow spectrum by now it feels like (which is why I use the term Queer for myself). In fact, the way things like that change is very interesting for me, and I've very much liked exploring the various ways Ortega and Herald deals with same sex attraction in what still is a mostly straight world.

So there shouldn't be any issues, should there? I would have no problems writing  Chen discovering his bisexuality, in fact it could be a good way of talking about some things very close to my heart like what happens when your identity changes (went through a similar thing from the other angle, which is why I am no longer a lesbian).

Yeah. No issues. If this was a level playing field and a fair world, which it is not.

Even if I disregard the whole M&M problem with gay representation (if you have a bowl filled with candy and removes one, nobody will notice. If there's only five in the bowl, everyone will) there is still another thing, a bigger thing and this is where words come in.

I was gay online in the late nineties. Anime. Hentai. Yaoi. Fujoshis. I am not going into details here, but there is a VERY real problem with fetishization . I hope everyone is aware of the whole "fucked straight" trope. I am most familiar with it from straight men fetishizing lesbians, the classic "she just need some dick" and way, way worse. This is something I hope everyone agrees on is terrible. But... it's not only men that's guilty of that.

Gay men gets fetishized a lot, and yes, women are guilty of that. Everything from the ' infantilizing uwu cute gays' to the 'men get pegged' to... yeah, the thing we're getting into now.

He just hasn't found the right woman. This is big in real life, and that's a BIG thing in Chen's background. There is a possibility that a F!Sidestep romance route could be read as that, and I am not really okay with it. There is a real and marked difference between two old frenemies realizing they might have feelings for each other and that.

It's like the people modding Dorian's romance route straight in DAI. It's not just about changing a romance trigger to level the playing field (like with Cassandra, or Alistair), it's invalidating his whole background and what his father put him through (trying to use blood magic to make him straight). I am not really comfortable with being seen as catering to those people.

And then there is the last thing. The, for me, even bigger thing.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU FUCKING WRITE ONLINE.

Yes, I have written a game that is pretty much angst fodder. You are going to get to kill a lot of people in book three, this is all about bad, dark fantasies but some of them should stay inside your head.

I would very much prefer it if you STOPPED joking about Chen not knowing how to perform oral on women, or just in general treating it as angst fodder. Like oh no, straight panic. Look, I will say it again. It is NOT a level playing field, gay panic Ricardo is not not the same as straight panic Chen. It's just not. All you are doing is making yourself sound like the kind of person I am quite sure you're not.

I don't think this fandom is filled with fujoshi's who gets off at fantasizing about  gay men learning that pussy is not that bad. I really don't. But honestly? Sometimes some of you sound like that. I know you're young. I know you learned most of your language around these things online, but the problem is that sometimes the origin of that language is bad, and the people who have seen that origin cringe every time you use it. I know that the top/bottom thing is used very differently now, but I still have to bite my lip not to rant every single time. I know that 'men gets pegged' is a meme.

I'm old. I've got thick skin by now. Not everyone does.

Just think about what you are saying, and how it might be taken. That's all I ask.  And we’ll see what happens with the Chen romance when I write it.

[lost-caticorn]

My compulsory heterosexuality story

After letting this post in my drafts for a few weeks I’ve finally decided to put it out there in this wild tumblr world! 🙌 Today is lesbian visibility day and it’s a perfect time to talk a bit about why it took me years to accept myself as a lesbian.

I’ve identified as bisexual/pansexual for approximately 5 years from 16 to 21 years old. I took me so long to figure out that I was actually a lesbian and the reasons why are mostly the following:

1. Internalised homophobia

2. Lack of representation

3. Compulsory heterosexuality / Compulsive heteronormativity

I don’t know if this will be useful for anyone but I thought I’d share how these have impacted me for years.

1. Internalised homophobia

This one is the fact that I first learned the word “lesbian” as an insult before I even learned anything at all about homosexuality.

It’s the fact that people I barely knew would come up to me and ask “are you a lesbian?” almost spitting out those words of their mouth as if it was something utterly disgusting.

It was my relatives joking about lesbians being ugly or telling me that they’d cry if I ever told them I liked girls.

I am now an adult but it is still difficult for me to use the word “lesbian” because my entire life it was associated only with negativity. I took me so long to accept that I like women. I went from “Ok maybe I’m pan but I mainly like men.” to “I’ll use bi because more people understand and I’ll explain that I am still attracted to men!” to “Am I… Really bi? Maybe I just like men for like 10%?”.

The fact that still to this day have trouble to identify with the word lesbian is sad and really reflects how little society is actually accepting of us.

2. Lack of Representation

Now that I’m looking back at my life I think it would have helped me so much to have some kind of a lesbian model. The first encounter I had with homosexuality was through yaoi (genre of manga where the story is centered around gay men). I still read a lot of these to this day and while there are a lot of criticism to do about it I am truly grateful I had access to them because without this genre I wouldn’t have had any idea that you could be gay and happy/healthy/in a loving relationship.

Growing up and during adolescence I had no healthy portrayal of women loving women around me. None. The only representations of lesbian couples I had were fetishised by men or about abusive relationships. I wish I had access earlier to movies, TV shows, youtube videos and overall healthier representations of lesbian couples.

3. Compulsory heteronormativity

This one was and still is so tricky. There are already a few ressources on Tumblr about this so if you have no idea of what that is I recommend you search “comp het” or “compulsory heteronormativity”. I think you’ll find pretty good posts about it. What I want to write here is precisely how it affected me and how I recently realised that it wasn’t real attraction.

a) Obsessing over Kpop boy groups: When I was 16 I discovered Kpop and for about two years I almost exclusively stanned boys groups. I’m not saying that every girl who stans boy groups are lesbian in denial but for me this is exactly what it was. I would spend my days watching those beautiful yet completely unattainable boys just so that I could reassure myself. “See? I think these boys are attractive so I’m definitely into men!”. I’d have so many internal monologues about why I was definitely bisexual because there was no way I wasn’t attracted to these beautiful, talented men!

Thing is, I wasn’t. One day I just realised that even if one of my favourite Kpop idol would show up and offer me to have a romantic/sexual relationship with him…. I wouldn’t want it.

b) Crushes on fictional characters: this one is pretty similar to the last point so I won’t make it too long but basically it’s the same mechanism. I would imagine a story with a guy exactly like my favourites characters and I would tell myself that I was still a bit straight because I could picture myself with a man… Ok maybe with an awfully specific and unrealistic man but in my head it worked and this was enough to convince me that I was still at least a bit straight.

c) Having crushes on boys. I had 2 major boy crushes in my life (and I mean real life, not celebrities or fictional characters) and a few others that weren’t really important. The fact that I had those “crushes” is one of the main reasons why I thought I couldn’t be a lesbian.

But then…. I recently had my first “real” crush on a girl and I realised so many things about myself! I was finally able to compare my feelings in both situations and this is what made me realise that I like women and not men. Even just having a crush feels so different.

Boy crush: I am super nervous, I fantasy about him when he’s not around but when he is I feel trapped in my own head and I don’t really want to talk to him, I don’t text him because I have nothing I want to share with him, I feel self conscious because I want to be seen as desirable by him, I have an occasion of spending time with him but I decline (multiple times), I convince myself that we shouldn’t be together (we’re too young, I have to focus on studying, he’s not the one,…). Overall I don’t really try to know him more I just spend time imagining what he could be like.

Girl crush: I am overwhelmed by happiness when I spend time with her, when she’s not with me I think about her, I send her many texts because there is so much that I want to share with her, I want to hear her opinions, I’m excited to learn new things about her, I find her attractive and I fantasy about getting intimate with her, I can imagine a future with her while very much enjoying the current situation. Overall I want to know her more to discover more of her that I can love, I want to spend time with her and become a part of her life. I feel bubbly around her and I don’t want it to stop. 

—> Although what I felt was love, it wasn’t truly directed at these boys. I was in love with the feeling of cherishing someone… not with the individual itself.

Soooo that’s it. These are basically the reasons why I never thought I could be a lesbian. I know this was a super long post but I enjoyed writing it for myself and for anyone it’ll maybe help discerning their own feelings. 

[gay-converse-boy]

Dear straight women

@straight women who want to talk to me about how ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’ they find gay men, and how they just ‘love’ gay relationships and yaoi or whatever:

Don’t be surprised if I have literally zero patience with you whatsoever, and tell you to get lost.

Seriously, this gets old very, very, very quickly. It’s happened far too many times before. It wasn’t cute the first time, and it’s not cute now. It wasn’t okay the first time, and it’s not okay now.

You don’t understand how many times I have been with my best friend, who is a straight man, and some straight woman has said to us (knowing that I am gay), “Aww cute! You two should make out!” Thankfully, he’s not an asshole, so this doesn’t bother him.

But it bothers me, very much so. I have lost friends before because they thought that I had a crush on them, and never bothered to ask me about it. I haven’t spoken to somebody I used to be best friends with for almost three years because of it. So this is a sore spot for me.

When you say things like that, I get an overwhelming need to shuffle away from my best friend. I am a very tactile person, and you make me consciously evaluate every touch, every hug, every bit of physical contact I have with him. Although thankfully, it doesn’t make him uncomfortable with me - he is one of the rare ones.

But the problem goes much deeper. How many times have gay men been outed because some straight woman has taken a photo of them making out in a gay club? Too many times. It happened to a friend of mine last week. How many millions of words of fanfic or slash or whatever exist that portray gay relationships as a constant sex-fest, written by - you guessed it - straight women? There’s probably one being written right now.

When you fetishise our relationships, what you are telling us is that you only care about our relationships for your own gratification. When you write fiction that’s constantly steamy and sexual, you are telling us that you think that sex is the vast majority of our relationships. When you take pictures of us kissing and post them publicly on Facebook, you are not only telling us that, to you, our relationships our yours to intrude on, but you’re being extremely creepy and putting us in danger as well.

So no, I’m not going to sit there and listen to you gush about how much you ‘love’ gay men.

If you really love us, maybe you should actually help us fight the homophobia we face, rather than thinking that your obsession with us and your fetishisation of us is somehow revolutionary.

[puregaalee]

Yo, I'm here for cute fanworks of a pairing I love. Can we not with the Discourse that prescribes specific headcanons as the Only Right And Moral Way to enjoy a pairing? (Don't get me started on the whole 'it's fetishization because you don't write porn the way I like' thing).

First off: Don’t tell me how to run my blog. Honestly, if you don’t like it, go ahead and hit that unfollow button. I don’t cater to you. I am not here for you. You want to run a blog “free of discourse” because you’re perhaps lucky enough to be in a position where horrible views and the perpetuation of homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, etc DON’T affect your fandom experience, then go run your own blog and fill it with whatever your heart desires and if that content hurts other people then on your head be it. But this is my blog. MINE. I made this blog seven years ago for the love of GaaLee, but that love does not include uncritical thinking, that love is not lacking in compassion and empathy for real fucking people–not then, not now, not ever. This blog does not include or support mindlessly enjoying content that can be and is harmful to others. You sound like every single person who tells actors and musicians to stay out of politics as if politics don’t affect every single person in the world. How fandom interacts with the content affects everyone in the fandom. It means that fandom is NOT always a safe space, and that is not how I will ever run my blog.

Second: No one was saying that any headcanon was the only right way to enjoy the pairing. I see Gaara as gay, I see Lee as bi. I don’t care if you don’t. I don’t care how you view them, their sex lives, their characters. I don’t even care if you think Lee uses curse words when sober–you’d be wrong, but I don’t care and I’m not gonna message you to tell you you’re wrong or tell you how to run your blog. I’ll share headcanons of all kinds so long as they are not harmful. And guess what? Some headcanons are. Some art is. Some fanfiction is. You must be a newer follower, tbh, because this blog has always shared the view that fandom is NOT perfect and that sometimes the way people ship things is in fact morally bankrupt, no matter the intent. I have been in fandom a long time. I have seen and experienced the ways fandom changes people’s thinking, and I have never been shy about making my feelings known here. Hell, I have had people outright ask me to explain how certain depictions of Gaara are ableist and I don’t care if you think it’s “because [you] don’t write [him] the way I like” because at the end of the day, the content is still ableist and therefore harmful. If you wanna sit here and write “non-con” and act like it’s not rape, it’s your kink–whatever–then that’s fucked up! It hurts and alienates people. My friends and I have been alienated by fandom because of racism, homophobia, transmisogyny and transphobia, fatphobia, ableism, etc. If the only people this blog alienates are people who are uncritical and perpetuate harmful things in their fandom, then fucking good. I don’t want you here. I don’t want you interacting with me, my friends, my original content, or continuing to make fandom an unsafe space for others. This blog always will strive to be a safe space for people to enjoy a pairing without having to fear the above. 

Third: You ain’t spillin’ tea over here actin’ like it’s “personal taste” to not enjoy gross ass fetishization of gay men. You know what counts as an opinion? Hating broccoli. You know what doesn’t? Homophobia. And guess what? Yaoi is fucking full of it. Just because two men bone down doesn’t mean it’s not. Like holy shit, the most lesbophobic men will watch porn of two women fucking, and then turn up at the polls to vote against laws that protect actual lesbians. You ain’t free from being homophobic just because you think “ohhh my hot yaoiz”. Yaoi is full of rape, misogyny, transphobia and transmisogyny, and homophobia–it’s all fucking there and critical thinking can only make fandom a better, safer space. If I had access to my old laptop, I’d literally be bustin’ out the research paper I did on yaoi in college to educate your ass, but you know what: google exists. Do some research because yaoi lacks consent; yaoi is homophobic; yaoi perpetuates horrible things that then become things people take as fact. I have literally had conversations with people who think yaoi is how gay relationships actually work. My own experiences in fandom literally affected my own journey with my sexuality because I was constantly being bombarded with the perspective of cishet white women. Content does not exist in a vacuum. Your enjoyment of something does not somehow eradicate any and all harmful elements of it. If something is harmful, it does not belong here. If an artists depicts two characters in a sexual situation and one of those characters is in tears, pain, anything that can be seen as having a negative reaction to sex—it does not belong here. Do you know how many followers I have? Close to a thousand. Do you know how many people are victims of rape, sexual assault, etc? Too many. I would wager a large number of my followers have had an experience like that, and I will not post art that makes them feel unsafe or that perpetuates the idea that the lack of consent depicted in yaoi is sexy or okay. Art that makes male characters hyper feminine and then humiliates them sexually is Not Okay, it is wrong, it does actual harm, and if you don’t think so that’s because you are uninformed or else being willfully ignorant because this is not a new discussion. This is old news. Gay men have been talking about this for a long time; about how cis straight women are able to monetize off of the exploitation of gay men while actual gay men are being turned away from publishing novels about gay romance. There have been so many discussions about why yaoi is fucked up. This is not new! Look it up. 

Like I think you thought comin’ in to my ask box, tellin’ me how to run my blog was gonna somehow make me change my mind or something, make me go “oh no! what have I done?!?!” like go off i guess???? like i hope that made you feel real good about yourself, sittin’ on anon bein’ all “don’t discourse in my fandom”, shakin’ your fist at me because I dared to point out that fandom is flawed… 

Honestly, anon, you lack compassion and empathy if you think “discourse” has no place here. If all you care about is enjoying porn this isn’t the blog for you. Fetishization of gay men is real and I will never be anything but vocally against it. This ask wasn’t a “hot take”, this ask wasn’t some sound advice, this ask was misguided and wrong. You thought you had some sorta “gotcha!” moment with that “it’s fetishization cause i don’t like it” nonsense, like you ain’t slick. You’re basically saying “this makes me uncomfortable because I enjoy this and I don’t care if it actively hurts someone.” Your enjoyment of something does not trump the feelings of marginalized peoples. 

And that is the real fuckin’ tea, anon. 

Please never message me again with this bullshit. I have no time and absolutely no patience for it. Either grow up and educate yourself, or unfollow. 

[chronikkally]

THE KH FANDOM IS TOXIC THAT'S WHY...

This is to an artist I wrote an article talking about. Basically a little something about me and pedophilia. She’s 19 or 20 and I don’t like her. I don’t like her or the girl that accused me of being a pedophile over art. But this was so confusing and I didn’t want to argue with someone that young. I’m 21. I should know better but this was another case of Not knowing all the facts. 

I will start it off. Like this,  this was last year mind you. I have an imvu account. I’m always off and on imvu. Creating an account. Deleting. I actually enjoy that site because of the avatars. 

And I started my first time on imvu,  when I was in elementry. I think,  maybe middle school. 

Imvu is a chat website with 3D avatars in a virtual reality. The site is between good and bad. It’s a 50/50 win or lose type of thing. But last year,  back when I had my laptop working. I had an account and got back on it. I was bored and I decided to play with this new upgrade to the chat. 

It worked like tinder! I wasn’t planning to date anyone because at the time I was in a so called relationship. Previously I was on a dating website,  badoo. Bad choice,  don’t do it. 

This artist on tumblr. Draws Xaldin from Kingdom Hearts with Lexaeus. She’s lesibian. Not important but to me it was and she had the stupidest reason behind this thing I shall explain. 

She accused me of fetishizing,  an Iranian. So,  I’m swiping on these avatars on imvu. And I come across this guy who doesn’t have an avatar, it’s his face and I’m like he’s kinda ugly but his nose is cute. The thing I notice about guys is their nose. Now,  I will admit this. Which is accurate. 

If there was anything I truly was fetishizing. It was white men! And I still feel bad and no longer like white guys,  in a sexual nature,  they have weird dicks. Another reminder I am black. POC. Brown. African american. Whatever. I’m a nigga. 

At the time when I swiped right on this boy who was 24 on his profile. He’s 25 now. Moments later he sent me a message and I didn’t think anyone would swipe on my card so this was surprising. 

I didn’t  get on imvu to date because I thought a boy named Tony Holt was my boyfriend. He said he cuffed me and I believed it. I was wrong. He said he liked black girls but in that way,  you know actually fetishizing. 

He messages me and says,  my interest are funny. And I like making people laugh it gives me good vibes. So I say, I try my best. Eventually he invited me into a private chat and I accepted. 

I was nervous as hell because like I said imvu is 50/50 you have some really messed up guys on there. And the last time, some really weird and ugly white dude started kissing all over my avatar like no tomorrow asking if I loved him. So this nice man and I’m saying man because he was one. The first thing he said,  would you date a Chinese man? 

I was so confused and I moved avatar as far from him to simulate this weird behavior. I wasn’t trying to date him. I ask,  are you Chinese? He goes,  I’m Iranian. Me: Then why did you ask? Him: I was trying to be funny And goddammit  if he wasn’t. 

I didn’t know he was Iranian. Nor did I care. It wouldn’t have made a difference if he was or not! 

What really made me swipe right. Was because in his card he said he wanted an intellectual conversation with someone. Me,  I like to talk,  that’s all I wanted. 

I ended up moving my avatar to the couch in the private chat but there was still space between our avatars. 

He introduces himself. I give him my name. He was confused to why I thought, the first thing he wanted to do was date. Because I was away from his avatar. I remembered being a bit mean. He asked,  why are you way over there and I snapped and said this is the not too fucking fast position because the last time somebody put me in a private chat THEY ASKED ME RIGHT OFF THE BACK DO I LOVE THEM AFTER KISSING MY AVATAR. 

I remember words like, I don’t bite. And not going to lie. I was smiling because it was cute and I was nervous like. 

But when I moved my avatar we talked and it was the best shit ever. Realizing I was having a conversation with somebody that knew shit and wasn’t a dumb ass. I was high. 

He asked me about the president and his policies and I said something like fuck him. And he’s surprised. He goes,  you don’t like your president? I said fuck no! 

The conversation is going. I find out he has an illness. I have an illness I asked how he felt in Canada and asked if he faced any decrimination and I really don’t understand why there is a hatred towards middle eastern people. And the last middle eastern that spoke to me was on tinder. I think he said he was Iraqi. And I feel bad for that. I dogde the shit out of Arab men. Out of respect! I would hate to have an Arab boyfriend and both our families are like why you bring an A-RAB home (my dad) and his family is like what the fuck did you bring home? 

Because not everyone is open minded to their children dating outside their race. I hold middle eastern men to a high regard. Like respect the shit out of them. By not talking to them in fear I sound like a racist uneducated ghetto mess! It’s like,  you’re a smart man please leave a poor black woman to her slave duties, sir. But the one on tinder was confusing like are you here for sex or a date? And I wasn’t into the whole sex thing. So I ducked and dodged. On imvu,  I love Capricorns! I don’t know why. He was a Capricorn. And I was all FUCK YEAH. And I had made him laugh talking about dick because dudes send me ugly dick pictures and I lie to them. I said something about black guy’s dicks changing color and he shared a story how a chick he was dating was real conceited. 

My favorite thing. We talked. Laughed and joked. Eventually this huge feeling comes over me. And I wanted to really know him. I was interested as fuck. And last time I spoke with him,  it was real short. I messaged him on imvu and he was willing but… Ugh I can’t get that back. Even if he changed his relationship status to in a relationship and I was confused as to why. Because I’m a grandma. If you don’t ask me. Nigga I guess you not interested and I don’t play games so… 

Tony Holt came back from working on a rig and all hell broke lose. I think I hurt him. He unfriended me and that hurt me. I still like him. But at the same time. I’m confused,  I don’t know if it’s pity or that rich Arab hospitality. One of those,  Imma be nice but I don’t like you…ANYMORE BECAUSE HE FUCKING CALLED ME DEAR THE SECOND TIME WE CHATTED. And I’m not going to force him to be with me. Never. But my actions hurt. And I don’t want to slip into another relationship now. 

If this is about wanting to date outside my race however. That is the stupidest thing. Rihanna is courting a Saudi! Brittany Spears is courted by an IRANI. AND A DAMN KARDASHIAN IS WITH A MIDDLE EASTERN. So two white heterosexual women and one black Caribbean can do it. But my black ass can’t? 

I tried to date outside my race multiple times. What I fetishized were white men!  And If I was really fetishizing, I would like a fucking middle eastern to message me and curse me the fuck out then some ass kissing self entiled brat. I don’t like her. She’s 19 and full of shit. Talking about,  I draw Arabs and write about them. 

NIGGA. 

I HAVE A SYRAIN MALE CHARACTER WHO HAS SEVERAL BROTHERS. AND A SISTER AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME I HAD A CHARACTER FROM YEMEN. FICTIONAL CHARACTERS ARE NOT REAL. 

THEY DO NOT HOLD THE SAME VALUES AS A TANGIBLE MOTHERFUCKER. I said a Desi/Arabic woman was super fucking beautiful and thick and I don’t know if it was lesbianism or I was jealous as fuck. I had a stroke and she came into my room while I was in recovery and I just lost my damn voice. Plus. Why are you so concerned with what I reblog? I reblogged Arabic men one time. Some of them were shirtless. They looked good. Maybe the reason I did it was inappropriate but they were good looking men! And some were gay asf. 

Oh look at this happy gay Arabic couple. They look so comfortable. You see gay men just hug and suddenly get happy? I don’t know why but seeing guys have this. I’m envious. Because I want a dick and hate my vagina. I’m a transexual? I do not care for my lady parts. 

Like what ever the argument is… It’s stupid. Your art doesn’t carry the same shit as an actual middle eastern who comes to America or Canada. They out here getting called all sorts of shit. 

You draw a hajabi girl and she gets her hajabi ripped off in your fictional world. You don’t go to an actual breathing tangible hajabi girl and try to relate your fictional shit to her actual pain. 

A scenario: Hajabi: Some guy snatched my hajab off An artist: Well,  my character Shahira Mohammed got her hajab ripped off her head too. 

Scenerio two: Black people: I got called a nigger, I’m  biracial An artist: I have a character that’s a slave,  so I totally understand. 

Scenerio three: Jewish people: I was just breathing when somebody threw money at me and called me a Jew face An artist: I totally understand. Yousef was called a Jesus killer in Chapter eight. It hurt so much  to write that. 

I still like Ahmad. Him being Iranian doesn’t mean shit to me. But I’ll punch a nigga for him. Middle easterners and Jewish people get the dumbest hate. ‘Oh well,  middle easterners uh,  9/11’

One person. Not a whole nation. 

‘Jews love money’

First off. Don’t be mad at somebody Jewish for getting off their ass and going to work because you sat down and scratched your ass all day. But please tell me I’m fetishizing. 

How the fuck is it okay for some goddamn lesibian of 19 fucking years old. Find it remotely acceptable to draw gay fictional characters in yaoi scenerio if yaoi is also the art of hypersexualized homosexuality. 

Because if that doesn’t mean the same damn thing then I might have a second goddamn stroke and I don’t want to die. That’s hypocrisy. Lesibians get the fetishizing thing, too when two homosexual girls are caught in public and a heterosexual man comes and sees they wanna instantly have a three way. 

But clearly you don’t understand this. And instead you want to focus on POC, like middle easterners can’t speak the fuck up. If I was doing wrong,  why the hell didn’t somebody that was Arabic not come and tell me after all the shit I reblogged. Can you please not reblog my shit? Because if they did I would have gotten the fuck rid of it. 

But please explain to my black ass once more how I’m wrong. You fucking brat. You wanna act like an adult be prepared to get talk to like one. No one ever comes out when black women get fetishized. But I guess,  in the harshes reality. 

1) You once upon a time had a crush on some Arab who rejected you and now your gay. 

2) You’re low key fucking racist. You looked through my blog on my now deleted account and ignored that I was a POC who went through this bullshit. And everyone can come after me like. Dude chill she’s 19. Fuck off. She’s reaching a new age of 20 no one is holding your fucking hand through life because you can’t face these things. Grow up. You hurt yourself. Which led to this. I’m not going to let some 19 wannabe important child explain to me what fetishizing is! 

I told Ahmad about this. He laughed,  said it was amusing. Found out he’s short. He has two brothers. Is the middle child. Is a weed smoker. BECAUSE MEDICAL MARIJUANA. 

SHUT THE FUCK 

[cowboylikedean]

Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda is the most offensive book I’ve ever read.

I wrote this review for goodreads, but I’m also posting it here. Bare with me, it’s long.. much of it is under a cut. 

This is honest to god one of the most offensive books I've ever read. 

My reading goal I set with myself this year was to read all the LGBT YA fiction I could find. Even though I'm 26 years old, YA fiction remains my favorite genre, especially YA romance. It's something about the nature of adolescence being all about change and everything being for the first time and brand new... Writing about/for teenagers, authors can give the endlessly magical feeling of being on the precipice of something great without even trying. That said, some of it reads really young for me and I lose suspension of belief within the story because I am an adult and the intended audience is 14... Though, in my experience, in a really good book, that difference will be noticeable, but unimportant. In this book, however, it was instantly A Big Deal. I had to remind myself so many times in the first few chapters to forgive its terrible sentence structure and awkward wording. It was meant for someone much younger than me, and while it *was* using terrible sentence fragments almost every sentence, the author did that to set the age of the narrating character. I wish she hadn't. It's one thing to have Simon's emails and quoted speech read with every other sentence being a fragment... but for every page of narration to have that many fragments, it's hard to read... One of my goals in reading all the LGBT YA fiction I can find is so that I can better recommend books to the LGBT teens I know who need to read more/find more relevant reading to their lives/learn that reading doesn't just have to be the boring books they're assigned in school *and* use that reading to benefit their writing. When every sentence is either a fragment or a run-on, it kind of defeats that purpose... 

But aside from that, I have to agree with other reviewers about how much it shows the author's straightness. I took notes. So buckle up folks... Here's some of the worst offenses and my thoughts. This is by no means a comprehensive list as I have a character limit.

Okay, let's start simple.. Throughout the book, starting on page 21 with its latest reference being 179-180, Leah's objectification of gay boys in the form of yaoi and "slash" fanfic is written to indicate her support and allyship. Its first reference on page 21 comes right after Simon's declared that lesbian and bi women have an easier time of things because straight men like to objectify them. Is it 2018/2017 and we're really still going to praise something that passes straight objectification of LGBT people off as support??? Really??? And these reference to Harry/Draco are SO bad! The last one, I think is the worst. Simon tells Leah he knew she would be supportive because she's the one who introduced him to Harry and Draco, so it was never a question. The first one where we read Simon's exploration into masturbation wasn't fun either.

And that's something to talk about... Sex. I have nothing against sex in teen fiction. Teens have sex and when authors do it right, reading about a teenager explore sex in various forms can add to the story tenfold. However, here it comes off almost like Fifty Shades Of Grey level awkward. Multiple times it's written in the narration Simon tell the reader "I'm hard." Not "I have a boner," not "I'm turned on," "I'm hard." It's something that's just uncomfortable to read... And I don't even think it's just that Simon's a teenage character because I don't think it would have been so uncomfortable to read "I'm turned on" or "I have a boner," but the specific wording of "I'm hard" is very uncomfortable. And then the moment where Simon and Bram "each spend time in the bathroom" prior to Simon's parents coming home after Simon says "I'm hard and I can tell he is too" is just.. "I feel something *down there*" level awkward. 

But it's more than that... The emphasis on the word "sex" and phrasing like "I'm hard" give the effect that The Secret Life of the American Teenager had with how many times they said "had/have sex." It feels almost... clinical. It was actually during the first sex-centric email chain I went and read the author bio because I guessed she was a clinician. That's not a good thing. Throughout the book, I see moments of a straight person attempting gay humor... And it's just painful, because she'll get there... and then miss it. Like the passage the book gets its title from. "Blue" takes a shot at gay humor saying that all people coming out is "the homosexual agenda." A classic gay joke in a very safe form. Then Simon comes and runs straight past the joke and "all lives matter"s the joke by saying "I don't know about the homosexual agenda, the homo sapiens agenda. Isn't that the point?" But no, Simon. No it is not the point. If that was the agenda of the whole species, that's how it would work. Furthermore, the joke is a reference to gay hate replaced with gay love. I have to wonder how Becky Albertalli wrote that line without realizing it was the same general premise of "all lives matter." We are not equal in that fight. LGBT people are marginalized. That is the whole freaking point, as Simon would put it. Which brings me to... The cursing. If you're going to write a teenage character who is conscious of their language and doesn't curse, then do it. Don't be inconsistent about it, just do it. Simon will say "fuck" sometimes, and sometimes, he'll be very careful to say "freaking." He also assumes Blue is uncomfortable with cursing... I'm sorry, either a lot's changed since I was 16 ten years ago (which I doubt because, as mentioned, I interact with a lot of teenagers frequently in mentoring and tutoring), or Ms. Becky Albertalli is imposing some odd morals in this book real hard. At any rate, it's incredibly awkward. I want to talk about characters. A review quote from Publishers Weekly says "Readers will fall madly in love with Simon" and I'd just like to ask one simple question: What readers? Okay, maybe two... Why? Now again, let me preface this by repeating, I am a regular tutor and mentor to many teenagers and I interact with them regularly. They text me, facebook message me, snap me, instagram DM me, etc all throughout the day I am in constant communication with my little ones. These are all (for the most part) LGBT kids, most of whom struggle with mental illness issues that are giving them school trouble. Simon is insufferable. He's not just a complex character with insufferable traits, no. I love those characters, they tend to be my favorites. Quite the contrary... He has no substance. Simon was given almost no characterization throughout the entire 303 pages of the original version of the book. I mean I know he loves Elliott Smith and oreos and not much else. He doesn't like things being made into a Big Deal. He's in a play and we're told he liked being the center of attention as a child, but he doesn't seem to like it now and/or we get no description on it. We get a lot of narration about what other people are doing and how other people are thinking and feeling and it leaves very little space to explore Simon. Sometimes, the book feels narrated in 3rd person limited rather than 1st person because of how much exposition there is on others. Simon feels like an empty character that is supposed to be a self insert to the reader.. which again, makes those awkwardly worded sex scenes even more uncomfortable. But with that, there's very little character *development*. Simon doesn't grow or change too much from beginning to end. Things in Simon's life change, but as a reader, I didn't feel Simon himself changing. I think the biggest factor here is that once again, we have a coming out story written by a straight person in which the main character was outed without permission and in a publicly humiliating way before he was ready. If there is one thing I wish straight people would write down, crumple up and throw away/burn/dispose of in any given way to make sure it never comes back... it's this trope. Martin committed an act of violence. Outing someone against their will, especially as a form of public punishment by harassment, is an act of anti-gay violence. For Simon's character development to happen so that this ends up being the nudge he needs because he doesn't really deal with the trauma of it. I mean, it's mentioned... I'll give Ms. Albertalli that, but it's not *explored.* The book I read prior to this was The Symptoms of Being Human, which is a great book (with a few pacing problems) about a genderfluid teenager named Riley. To save spoilers, I'll just say there's also violence in that book... But unlike in this book, in Symptoms, Riley has time at home where we see and hear their pain and coping. The topic of coming out is hugely important in Symptoms too, but there, we get incredibly intimate with Riley's internal debate on the topic. In this book, Simon's internal debate happens completely away from the reader outside of his debate to tell Nick and Leah that one time in the basement after he told Abby. How am I supposed to feel the development of this character in a story of coming out in which I was kept away from the internal debate of the character in question? It's just bad writing. I want to talk about the other characters for a second too... Who are such annoying stereotypes. So first Leah. The straight girl obsessed with gay boys who spends her time objectifying them and feels ownership over her male best friend. The central point of her character throughout the book seems to be her jealousy and blind hatred of the other biggest female character. Yikes. Then there's Nick who is obsessed with Assassin's Creed (great series) and is That Guy who has to pick up a guitar everywhere he goes (AKA The "Anyway, here's Wonderwall" guy). Then there's Abby who, as far as I can tell is one of the two actual compelling characters. There's Bram/Blue, the other compelling character who loses all characterization once we find out he's Bram. It's like Blue is super interesting. Bram is a blank sheet like Simon devoid of any characterization. Martin who is a straight man who violently outs a gay man after blackmailing him because he feels ownership over a woman he doesn't know... And the worst part about Martin is in his final "apology" email, he says if he could go back, he'd blackmail Simon into friendship with him and then stop. DIRECT QUOTE bottom of p 289. Earlier in the book when Simon, Martin, and Abby are running lines at the Waffle House and Simon starts to feel like Martin's friend, it's passed off as a good thing??? What? I also want to mention Simon's stereotypes. Does he really have to mention Every Single Time Nick is playing video games (particularly Assassin's Creed) that he doesn't care? Really? Also... He seems to understand sports fine... and then all of the sudden after he comes out he slips up and calls soccer try-outs "auditions"???? Something I've literally only ever seen done on the TV show The Middle by its main gay character Brad? Really? Something else I want to point out... I'll go back to the Harry Potter Harry/Draco thing for a second... That's an abusive relationship that's literally mostly shipped and romanticized by straight girls. Okay, I just had to point that out explicitly. Abusive gay relationship. Okay... So I've saved the most offensive two bits for last. One: "Cross-dressing." Now I don't know know if Becky Albertalli had a trans person read this before publishing but Simon's disgust that he used to enjoy wearing dresses was so incredibly painful. As a transgender person myself, I am so deeply saddened that a book that has had so much praise as being incredible representation would include such hostility. Reading the passage of gender-bender day felt like a punch in the gut. To feel the vitriol disgust in Simon's words "A lot of the time, I can't believe that was even me" and "I never crossed that line," "there's something so mortifying to me about the intensity of those feelings." I get it Simon, you hate trans people. Probably you too Becky Albertalli... As a transgender person, a book with such a passage will never be okay. Two: The entire scene in Webster's with Peter. At first, Peter is an age inappropriate gay man who gets Simon drunk knowing nothing about him, including his age without any conversation. Within a few minutes of meeting him, he puts three drinks in Simon's system, then almost as if Ms. Albertalli was aware she was crossing the line into the "older gay male predator" trope, she magically reveals Simon's age to these college kids who send him on his way. He's so disgustingly happy being sloppy drunk. The whole thing is embarrassing and honestly seems to serve 0 point other than to give justification for Simon's parents to ground him. Simon is taken advantage of by a group of older gay men and then punished by his parents. What in the actual hell is that? Okay... so that's my list of most offensive things of this book. Honorable mention: Simon's parents saying they need to find "ground rules" for when Nick sleeps over. Straight people are so obsessed with the idea that people cannot be "just friends" (I hate that term, but you get it) with people of the gender they're attracted to and honestly, it baffles me. Do straight people not have friends? At any rate, between the writing style and bad sentence structure, the poor characterization, the anti-gay tropes, the fake allyship, the praise of straight objectification of gay people, the forgiveness of anti-gay violence, the anti-feminist aspects of the tension between the two main female characters, the poor narrative structure... I see very little to like, let alone love, about this book. It is one of the most offensive books I've ever read

[gaylenightingale]

Ever Us --A-Un stories

Story Title:  Ever Us—A-Un

 Summary:  Inucest!  Yaoi. AU From my “Ever Us” universe, it’s 1869 and it’s bedtime for the twins.   

Chap 1 Inuyasha ended his Robin Hood adventure mentioning A-Un had been a secret spy and had infiltrated the Castletown in a deep cover investigation.  Prompt for chap 1:  From Chap 9 Ever Us-Robin Hood, A Bedtime Story (on Fanfiction)

Chap 2 is a response to a Tumblr prompt How did Sesshomaru met A-Un?  With the bonus for Ryuu lovers- Ryuu’s first Veterinary case and how he learned he could talk to animals

Disclaimer:  I do not own Inuyasha.  I do not make any money from writing fanfiction.

Author:  Gayle Nightingale  

Category/Genre: Inuyasha/Romance/family/

Content tags: Yaoi, Inucest, InuSess A bedtime story with a Robin Hood flare

Rating: T

Time:  AU.  Several years prior to my last story “Ever Us”; specifically 1869 in Japan at the castle in the Western Lands.

  Chapter 1. A-Un, the dragon spy

It is 1868.  The Takahashis are living at the Western castle in Japan.   They have been mates for almost 300 years.  Both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha have been practicing physicians for almost 100 years.   Their opinions are highly valued.  They are consulted frequently from all corners of the realm.  For this reason Sesshomaru has been traveling.   Inuyasha decided that one of them had to stay and work at the clinic in the castle and keep watch over their pups.   Keiko is 14. Kenichi is nearly 11.  Ryuu is eight and one half and Suteiibun is six and one half. Yuki and Kyo are over two and one half.   Here is a reminder of our timeline to the current date.

Timeline for Ever Us

 1500 - Kagome returns to the Feudal era and she and Inuyasha marry

1503- Sesshomaru marries Rin

1560s – Both women die.  Sesshomaru goes to Inuyasha and comforts him.

1570 – Sesshomaru and Inuyasha mate

1770 – Keiko is born   Ever Us—Keiko, the blessing

1792 – The marital fight of the century –Large Tsunami

1793 – Kenichi is born

1808- Ryuu is born

1822 – Steven\Suteiibun is born

1850- Kyo and Yuki are born

1868- Robin Hood tale  

 Bold—fairy tale

Normal- story

 “At the end of the Robin Hood story, I told you that I would tell you the story of how A-Un had become Prince Sesshomaru’s pet.   Well then, this is the story.   It started many years before the Robin Hood adventure when Prince Sesshomaru was five years old or even younger.”

 “Father was a little kid like us?” Kyo’s eyes were wide open in amazement.

 Just then Sesshomaru walked in the twin’s room and sat next to Inuyasha.   “I was, but we try to keep that a secret,” he winked at the twins as he turned to his mate.   The older dogs rubbed noses and then resumed the bedtime routine.  Lately Sesshomaru had made a point of staying home for longer periods of time.   Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had discussed the situation when he returned from the last trip and both realized they needed each other.  

 The key to this mission according to A-Un’s boss was to infiltrate the dog castle and get to know the dog demon and his progeny.   The dragons were considering brokering a treaty with the dogs but previous experiences had them leery.     A-Un ducked as he wandered through the trees on his way to the country side.    “Too bad we don’t have tape to record things in this century,” he said out loud.   “Time travel makes you appreciate so many of the advances that we’ve made.   I could have brought a tape recorder but the last spy left the Velcro and the humans claimed they invented it so…”

 The two headed dragon made his way to the castle town and assumed a smaller size.   ‘It’ll be less threatening.’  He thought.

  ‘How will I get noticed?’ A-Un thought as he shrunk himself to a three foot size.  ‘I could fly but they might try and shoot me down.’  A-Un looked about him and noticed a small farm and a small boy playing in the field.   ‘Maybe he will be my friend.   But will he get me to the prince and the king?’    

A-Un watched the boy for several hours.  The child played by himself.   He talked to himself.   “I wish I had a friend,” he said.

 ‘That’s my clue,’ the dragon walked forward.   He decided he would cry that way it would seem like he was lost.

 It worked.

 The boy saw him.

 But, instead of coming to him, the boy ran into the house yelling at the top of his lungs for his momma.

 ‘Bad move!  We’ve got to run!”   A-Un ran fast.

 The next farm A-Un found no children so he continued on.  Unfortunately the farmer’s young wife had seen him. She ran to get her husband in the field.

 The next farm A-Un was seen by three preteen children who all started screaming at the top of their lungs.   He ran again.

 At the next farm, he watched a farmer and his wife feed the chickens and goats.   His stomach rumbled.  ‘Oh my, I’m hungry.   I’ll just find a field and eat some grass.’  

 Five minutes’ walk from the chickens and the goats A-Un came upon a green grass clearing.   Its first impression was the field was a lush green blanket.   As he got closer he realized that it was tall grass.  In his three foot size the grass came up to his shoulders.    If he lowered his head he would be virtually invisible to anyone chasing him.   A-Un made his way to the center of the green meadow nibbling on grass along the way.   When he arrived at the center he slowly moved around.   He didn’t notice anyone following him so he devoted himself to eating the luscious grass.   Closer to the ground he noticed some sweet clover.   He considered sweet clover as the best treat.

 As A-Un put his head down to graze, he didn’t notice the men downwind from him.    They had been following him since the first house and now were going to try and capture him.    Dragons had not seen in the dog kingdom since Sounga was defeated by King Inu Taisho’s grandfather.    If they caught this one and took it to the king they would get prize money.

 A-Un ate his fill and lay down to take a nap in the tall grass.   He often slept with one head under the other which gave the image of a one headed animal.

 That very same day King Inu Taisho and Prince Sesshomaru had been out in the kingdom practicing changing into their demon forms.    King Inu Taisho was a large dog demon with long white fur.  His true size was larger than an elephant.    Prince Sesshomaru was still very young and had only transformed a few times.   Each time he had transformed in the castle a wall was destroyed so the king had decided to take a field trip.    They had practiced transforming all day and by this time the prince was able to switch to his three foot size with no problems.   They had been working on flying as well and were overhead when they saw the men creeping up on the small animal.   From the sky A-Un looked like a deer and King Inu Taisho decided it would be good to add hunting to today’s lesson.

 The prince was a bit worn out from transforming so often but had kept his fatigue from his father, after all royals are not supposed to show weakness, or at least that’s what tutor Jaken had told him.  Still he was becoming more and more tired the more they flew and he couldn’t wait to land. They did not see the peasants.

  The royal dog demons landed upwind from the sleeping dragon.   Their scents drifted down wind over the dragon.  He awoke and surveyed the situation.

 A peasant rose, nocked an arrow, and let it fly, but his aim was poor.  Instead of aiming for the dragon it overshoot the dragon and it flew toward the prince who was still in his dog form.   A-Un heard the shrill pitch of the arrow in flight and realized it was going to hit the small dog.   He leaped in the path of the arrow, his scales deflecting the arrow and averting the arrow from its stray path.  

 The royals looked up when they heard the arrow whizzing through the air but Sesshomaru was too tired to move.  King Inu Taisho was too far from his son to save him.  He started running toward Sesshomaru but realized he wouldn’t make in time when he saw the two headed dragon leap in the air and purposely deflect the arrow.  He watched as the dragon fell back to earth with a thud.   Rushing to the dragon’s side he realized that this creature was sentient and had saved the prince’s life.

 The dragon lay on the ground panting.  Although he diverted the arrow from hitting the small dog his ribs were bruised.  ‘Wow, sure messed up this mission.  Just hope I can have a moment alone and I can time travel out of here.   At least that young dog is ok.’

 The king transformed to his humanoid form and ordered the peasants to stop their attack.  Then he bent over A-Un and examined the injured animal.

 “Steady boys, I mean you no ill will.   I am King Inu Taisho.   You have done me a great service today.  You have saved Prince Sesshomaru from certain death.   You have earned the King’s favor.

 A-Un blinked.  They turned their heads and blinked at each other.  They looked back to the king and blinked again.  Raising slowly from the ground the dragon bowed its necks to the king. It searched for the prince, but was unable to see the young lord as he was napping in the grass where he landed.   You see he was VERY tired.

 A-Un tilted both head as though asking a question to the king.   The king observed the dragon and followed where it was looking and suddenly realized it was searching for Prince Sesshomaru.

“Come with me friend dragon.   My prince is over here.  I imagine he is resting.”

 Following the king through the green field he stopped to look as the king picked up the sleeping child.  “Can you fly?”

 The dragon nodded.

 “Then follow me.”

 That is how A-Un met King Inu Taisho and Prince Sesshomaru.

 Inuyasha stopped the story and looked over his children.   The twins were asleep.   Motioning to the others that it was time to leave Inuyasha and Sesshomaru stood and headed to the door.   Once they were outside the door Ryuu stopped them.

 “Dad, is there more to the story?”

 Inuyasha’s ears flickered as he moved toward his son.  “I suppose there could be more.   I guess we’ll leave it open.   Perhaps your father can tell you how he really met A-Un.   The story I told tonight was just a tale, a spin-off of the Robin Hood story.”

 Sesshomaru grabbed Ryuu’s shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes.  “Why don’t you spend time with A-Un?   I’m sure he has another version of the story.  Then you can tell us a bed time story.”

  Ever Us—A-Un, part 2

 Primary Cast:  Ryuu, A-Un

 Ryuu meandered into the courtyard and waved at the castle gate guards.   They nodded and returned to their duties.  As he walked by the fountain he admired the jets of water spraying into the large fountain base.   This was such a nice place.   He sat by the fountain and allowed his fingers to play in the water.  It was cool and refreshing.

 ‘I bet A-Un would like a drink, ’Ryuu thought.  He arose; walking with a purpose to the great horse barn that the two-headed dragon shared was Jinenji and A-Un.

 The barn was two stories. The horses, Jinenji and A-Un lived on the first floor.  The second floor was hay storage, a great place to hide from their parents and Jaken’s favorite napping site.  Ryuu smiled as he recalled several pranks they had played on their uncle, his favorite—how many straws can you put in the imp’s nose or mouth and not wake him—So far he lead the gang with eleven.   Honestly he wasn’t sure how many more he could get in the imp’s mouth and nose. He pondered.

 The castle horses whined a greeting to the young Takahashi.   Ryuu had taken to horse riding almost as easily as to swimming. It was though he could feel their intentions; when to hold on tight, when to brace for a jump, whether to lean forward, or to lean back.   He really never thought about it but he supposed he was communicating with them. The last horse in the stall stomped his foot, gaining Ryuu’s attention.

 “What can I do for you, Charger?”  Ryuu turned to look at the great warrior horse.

 The stable guard noticed the interaction and came to the Prince’s side.

 “Charger seems to be limping but none of us can see anything.  My Prince, do you know what’s ails him?”

 Ryuu eyed the great stallion.  The stallion dropped his head once.

 ‘I believe he asked me to help him,’ Ryuu puzzled.  ‘Did Charger just talk to my mind?’  Curious Ryuu formulated a thought and broadcasted it directly at the stallion.

 ‘You don’t have to yell. I just need you to get the rock or whatever out of my hoof.’

 Ryuu jumped back in shock. The stable guard took a defensive position in front of the young Prince. “What is it Prince Ryuu? I can whistle for Captain Kenichi immediately.”  The guard raised his two fingers to his lips and inhaled deeply to whistle.

 Ryuu raised a hand and stopped him.   “It’s ok.   I just tripped.  That’s all.   I think Charger wants the rock out of his hoof.”

 Now the guard jumped. “Charger wants what?”

 “There is a rock or something lodged in Charger’s hoof.”

 The stable guard looked from the prince to the horse and back several time.  The horse nodded.  The stable guard opened the stall and looked at the stallion’s hoof.

 ‘The right front,’ Charger said.

 “The right front,” Ryuu repeated, although it was the first time the guard heard it.

 Switching to the right front hoof, the guard lifted the hoof and examined the surface.  There in the sole was an abscess that was fluctuant to touch.

 “You are right!  Prince Ryuu, would you get the hoof knife for me?   It’s over on the shelf.   It seems Charger has a something imbedded in his sole and we need to incise it here and let it drain.   Would you like to help?”

 ‘Please my Prince,’ bowed the stallion.

 ‘As you wish,’ Ryuu replied, still very amazed he could understand the horse. He nodded to the guard as he walked to the shelf.  Ryuu grabbed the knife and after sterilizing it with a hot flame brought it to the stable guard.  

 “I’ll hold the hoof. Just make a small cut over that bump, do you understand?”

 “Won’t it hurt?”  Ryuu was worried.

 ‘I’ll hold still,’ Charger replied.

 “I’ve got his hoof,” the stable guard replied.  “He’ll be glad to get rid of the pain.   It’ll be okay.”

 Reassured by both the stable guard and the horse Ryuu dropped the point of the knife into the bump. Purulent material poured from the wound.

 ‘Aaaaaah—what a relief,’ Charger sighed.

 “Good job, My Prince.   Charger seems very content.  Now you need to push on the abscess to make sure it’s all clear.  This part may hurt but it’s necessary.”

 ‘Charger, you are doing well.  Hold still a little bit longer.  I need to clear the abscess.’ Ryuu told the stallion.

 The horse snorted.

 Ryuu pushed on the abscess and a thorn and more pus made their way to the surface.  After assuring the abscess was clear Ryuu flushed the wound with water.

 “Well done Prince Ryuu. Charger and I thank you.”  The stable guard lowered the hoof gently to the floor of the stable and patted the stallion’s flank.  “And you, Charger, deserve a juicy apple for holding so still. Can’t get over how well you held still,” the guard continued to talk to himself as he walked to the apple bucket to get the horse his treat.

 Charger nosed Ryuu. Ryuu hugged the horse’s neck.

The stable hand returned with an apple for Charger and one for Ryuu.  

The horse took the apple with his lips and backed into his stall to savor his treat.

Ryuu handled his apple and pocketed it as he walked further into the barn.    In the last portion of the barn Jinenji’s belongings; his tea set and checkered table cloth, a large ceramic washing basin and a bed of hay, occupied the left side and A-Un occupied the right.   Today the two headed dragon was curled like a feline, napping.  

 Ryuu wondered how long Ryuu had been sleeping and if it was okay to wake him when he noticed A-Un’s feet moving as though he was chasing after something.  The right dragon’s head snorted and the left moaned as though they had just missed catching the elusive prey.

 ‘A, you missed it,’ came a voice.

 ‘I missed it?  You missed it too,’ came the annoyed reply.

 “Missed what?” Ryuu responded.

 The dragon awoke and stared.

 “Hi A-Un,” Ryuu waved. “Want to go for a walk with me? The water in the fountain is nice and cold.”

 The dragon nodded eagerly and rose, stretching luxuriously.

 “Come.  Follow me,” Ryuu waved.

 The dragon lumbered after the young prince.

 As they left the barn the horses whined and bid the two a good day.

 In the sunlight of the castle grounds A-Un stretched their necks and looked about.  Content that all was in its place and its Masters were safe, they followed Ryuu to the courtyard fountain.

 “Have a drink, A-Un,” Ryuu offered.

 The right dragon head bent to have a sip.  Content that it was indeed as good as Ryuu had suggested the right head drank.   In time it removed its muzzle, water dripping and allowed the left dragon head a chance to drink.

 ‘So good!’ A spoke to Un.

 “I knew you would like it,” Ryuu nodded.

 ‘Can you understand us, little one?’ The dragon stared and blinked in amazement.

 ‘Guess so,’ Ryuu thought. ‘Just happened today with the horses.   I think I might be able to understand animals.’

 A-Un stared.

 Ryuu stared back.   ‘Why? Is that bad?’

 The dragon blinked again and then roared in delight.

 Castle guards came running from all over the castle grounds, weapons ready.

 “Stop everyone!” Ryuu called out.   “I’m okay. A-Un is just excited.   We’re going for a flight.  Tell Father and Dad we’ll be right back.”

 The prince mounted the dragon and took off.

 ————————

The royal couple rolled over in bed to see Ryuu and A-Un fly by.  They rolled back over, Inuyasha on top.

 “Don’t you dare stop now!” The inuhanyou commanded.

 His nose reassured him all was well so Sesshomaru grabbed his mate’s hips tightly and replied, “As you wish, my mate.”

 Moans, groans, and other sensational sounds continued.

  -------------------------

Ryuu and A-Un flew out of Castletown toward the remote forest of Japan.  Within ten minutes they had found a lovely meadow with flowers.

 Ryuu slid off A-Un and stood in front of them.

 ‘You didn’t answer. Is it bad that I can understand you?’

 ‘No, it is wonderful!’ A cried out.

‘No, it is marvelous!’ Un spoke at the same time.

 Then the two started speaking over each other as their excitement exploded.

 Within minutes of listening to the cacophony of sound Ryuu started laughing.  He bent over his knees and braced his belly.  Tears rolled down his cheeks.

 Soon the dragon stopped speaking and stared at the prince.

 As Ryuu calmed down he stared back.

 The meadow was quiet except for a cricket and a lone bird.

 ‘Don’t suppose you could talk one at a time please,’ Ryuu pondered.  ‘Now I think I understand why Dad can’t understand us kids when we all talk at the same time.’  Ryuu cleared his airways and looked pointedly at A-Un’s right head.  ‘You start.’

 A, the right head, bowed slightly and introduced itself.   ‘I am “A”. Mistress Rin named us.   She explained that in her native tongue “A” represents the beginning and “Un” the end of all things. I am the first.’

 The other head nodded. ‘And I am “Un”.     It has been eons since anyone could understand or speak to us.  Forgive us Master Ryuu for talking over each other.  We are just excited!’

 ‘I just learned that I could speak to animals today,’ Ryuu volunteered.  ‘Tell me more.’

 So A-Un spoke to Ryuu nearly all afternoon; about their home in the barn and the wonderful being that shared it with them, about Mistress Rin and how much they missed her, about their favorite foods and how much they loved to fly.  They mentioned how glad they were that their Father and Dad had become friends because they thought it was silly to not love your brother. After all they loved each other and they didn’t have a choice in the mater.  Several times they talked over each other and Ryuu just smiled.   Eventually they exhausted of topics and Ryuu got a chance to ask questions.

 ‘Dad tells us bedtime stories.   Last night he made up a story about you.’

 ‘Really?   Was it exciting?’ A asked.

 ‘Very.   You saved Father’s life.’ Ryuu nodded.

 ‘If we could only return the favor,’ Un sighed.

 ‘What do you mean?’ Ryuu queried.

 ‘What my brother means, Dear Prince, is that we owe a life debt to your father.   If it weren’t for him we would be dead.’

 ‘I still don’t understand.’ Ryuu contemplated the statement.

 ‘Years ago, when we were young our mother hatched us in the wilds of the dragon country.   We looked as we look today, a two-headed creature.   Our mother cared for us until we were teens but as with all dragons she kicked us out of the nest so she could hatch her next child.    We wandered the wilds, fending as we could; a rabbit here, a cabbage or melon there.   Mostly we found that we like grasses.   As a youngling we were very awkward. A would want to go to the right. I would want to go to the left.   We weren’t very good at flying either.   I guess you could call us dorks.’ Un laughed nervously as he reflected on their young life.

 A picked up the narrative. ‘We wandered into the inhabited area of dragon country.  At first we were excited to see others of our kind.  But then we noticed they were yelling and growling at us.   We bowed and kneeled and offered our best submissive poses but that made them even madder.  Suddenly they all turned as someone of significance walked into their midst.   Next thing I remember they were running at us with pitch forks and maces!’

 ‘It was scary!’ Un added.

 ‘We ran away as fast as we could but they caught up and started beating on us.   Our skin is tough.  It eventually was damaged and our organs inside as well.  It really hurt.   Eventually they tired of beating us but by then we were defeated, crying, and ready to die.’ A ruminated.

 Un cuddled against his brother’s cheek. ‘We were lying there in a pool of our blood, heaving to breathe, our ribs broken and lungs collapsed when along came Lord Sesshomaru.’

 A’s face lightened up. ‘He started to pass us by when Un whimpered.   I guess the sound intrigued our Lord and he turned.   I don’t know.  My face was beaten so badly my eyes were swollen shut.  But Un could see him.’

 ‘I did see him, brother. He was the most beautiful being I had ever seen.   He was wearing white and had a sword at his hip.  You look like him, Ryuu.  Such an exquisite creature.’  Silence followed as Un appeared lost in thought.

 ‘Dummy, wake up. Finish the story,’ A knocked his brother in the head.

 ‘Well, you think he’s good-looking too,’ Un pouted then looking at Ryuu he added.  ‘Your father said, “If you live, you may have the privilege of being my companion.”

 ‘We felt hope for the first time since we had been kicked out of our mother’s nest.   We both decided we wanted to live.  But we were afraid he would leave us.  So Un whimpered again.’  A looked gratefully to his brother.  

 ‘When Lord Sesshomaru heard my second whimper he sat down on a rock and watched over us.   I know his presence scared away the buzzards and other scavenger animals.  He appeared to be in deep thought as he sat there watching us.   I wanted to get better so we could follow him.  A did too.   We focused our power on healing and in two days we attempted to stand.   We wobbled a bit but soon enough we followed our noses to some grass and water.   Our lord followed us.  After we had our fill we started following him and we have ever since.’

 “Wow!” Ryuu verbalized out loud.

 The dragon heads chuckled.

 ‘I knew Father was cool but he really did save your life.  I can’t wait to tell everyone.’

 ‘Maybe you could keep it a secret just a little longer…’ Un asked.  ‘There’s a practical joke we’d still like to pull on Jaken before he finds out we aren’t just a “dumb pack animal.”

 A snorted.

 ‘Oh, let me in on it…’ Ryuu begged.

 -------------

 That evening at bedtime Sesshomaru offered Ryuu an opportunity to tell them a bedtime story about A-Un.

 Knowing he couldn’t lie to his father, Ryuu decided the truth would work for now.  “Father, I suspect A-Un has many great stories, but he hasn’t told all of them to me yet.  But I’m sure it thinks you are the best!”

 Kenichi automatically agreed with that and soon the room was full of young Takahashis praising their sire.

 Inuyasha shook his head and laughed.

 “Yeh, Yeh, Yeh.  And they have a crush on you too!”

 Ryuu just shrugged his shoulders.  “I think you wonderful too Daddy.” And he hugged Inuyasha’s waist.  

 The room of young Takahashis joined the huggers in a dog pile while also praising their puppy-eared parent.

 In time Inuyasha threw off the dog pile, “Alright you guys!  Enough delaying.  Time for bed.”  Sesshomaru grabbed his hand and pulled him to his side.

 “Good night children. Sleep well.”  Sesshomaru lead Inuyasha to their bedroom.

 Ryuu whispered to the others.   “Tomorrow, we are going to pull the best ever prank on Uncle Jaken.  Are you with me?”

 Keiko, Kenichi, Steven, Kyo, and Yuki nodded.   It was going to be legendary!

 Hugs and Kisses.  

 Goodnight