#ok but more story i have such bad humor not being able to resist laughing from linearting every sketch

[qiinamii]

five guardian yakshas vs one huge rat

bonus:

huge rat:

[raith-way]

Hey!!! How are you? I hope you're doing ok. 😊

For the fanfic asks: F, G, K, S, T & P! :-D

i’m doing okay!! life is a little strange at the moment, but i’m staying positive and making the most of it. i hope all is well with you, and thank you for the ask!!

f: share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

i answered this here, and i’ve been reading through the original fic to plan out the rewrite better so here’s another scene from my punisher fic: girl, you taste like sugar. quick background - dani and frank are sitting on a couch, just stopped holding hands because dani hasn’t been able to physically touch anyone in decades without pain with the exception of frank, and frank thanked her for her help with a mission by allowing her to hold his hand. now they’re just sitting next to each other.

“I ain’t a good guy. You get that?” he asks her. Her eyes slowly open, and new tears slip over her cheeks and fall off her chin.

“Who said you’re not a good guy? I’mma go punch them. Softly. Because of my no killing philosophy,” she says and smiles. It’s a trembling smile, but she actually means the words. “My definition of good is a bit different than most people. You kill people. So what? You only kill the ones that the world is better off without. In the days of old, they’d have revered you. Built statues in your honor. Sang songs about you.”

She stops talking as he laughs, and he can still see her despite the way his eyes crinkle up. He’s not laughing loudly or wildly like she does, but there’s a few deep chuckles from somewhere deep in his belly. Her smile firms a little as he laughs, and she reaches up to brush at her cheeks with her fingertips as he shakes his head. She’s still smiling as he stops laughing and just looks at her, and she looks so ordinary. But he knows better.

“You gonna write me a song?”

“Mhmm. Write it, record it, put it on a mixtape, and play it on a boombox under your window.”

“Wrong decade, princess.”

“I do get confused in my old age sometimes.”

i love this exchange because it really sums up their relationship. something huge is happening, something life-changing, but the moment is almost being ignored. dani is actually crying in this scene, frank actually laughs with genuine humor, and the dialogue is so lighthearted but the emotions are incredibly complex. there’s just something about the juxtaposition that i absolutely love.

g: do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

start to finish. i will write scenes that won’t leave me alone, but i have a bad habit of changing things mid-story so the little details of pre-written scenes are likely to change. so yeah, i have to go in order because i can’t follow a plan to write scenes out of order.

k: what’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

my angsty ideas are usually balanced with some fluff, but there is one fic that i started but then stopped writing on because it took too much of an emotional toll. the fic is in the magicians fandom, titled timeline 99, and it has all the angst. it mainly follows an original character, graylen brooks, and she is an absolute mess. i can totally go into more detail if anyone is interested (do people even watch the magicians?), but the main underlying issue is gray’s complete acceptance of her own death. gray is very obviously depressed, which is reflected in her thought processes, and it makes her emotionally draining to write.

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

so many! i answered this here, but there are others. i love AU fics. lately it’s been soulmate fics and time travel, but who doesn’t love a good coffee shop AU?

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

none that i can think of.

p: are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (how much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

i answered this here and here, and unfortunately the answer hasn’t changed. i strive to be an architect, but i am most definitely a gardener.

[puckinginsane]

Stargazers

Jamie Benn one shot

The moment Jamie knew he was going to propose to his girlfriend he knew he would want to involve her daughter in some way. In every way. He wanted her to be involved as much as possible. Not only does he love Samantha like his own, but he is clueless about how to go about it and Sammy is five years old going on fifteen. She has all of the answers, even to questions he never asks. She’s the perfect partner in crime to plan the perfect proposal for the perfect woman.

He never thought in a million years that he would date a single mom and he sure as hell would never admit to believing in love at first sight, but when he saw her for the first time it was as close as one could get to it. He thought he was in love before. Hell, he thought he’d never fall in love again, but this love is way different. This is that once in a lifetime love you always dream about but never think is actually possible. 

It was three years ago when they first met. Gabriella was out with the ladies of the single moms club she was a part of. Once a month the ladies of the single moms of Dallas club would go out for some fun, food, and drinks. That night they just happened to go to the same Texas Rangers baseball game as Jamie, his brother Jordie, and his friend Justin. It was one last hurrah until Jordie had to leave Dallas for the start of the hockey season. Neither of them had any idea they would be finding true love that night. 

The game had gone into extra innings and both of them had a good amount of drinks over the course of the night, feeling loose, and the Rangers wound up winning. Everyone walking along the concourse was giving the people passing them in the opposite direction high fives in celebration.

Jamie had his hand up high fiving one person after the other after the other. With the alcohol coursing through his veins he was feeling exceptionally personable, he usually keeps to himself and his inner circle exclusively.

When they got to each other they went for the high five, Jamie missing Gabriella’s hand entirely and smacking her in the face, he was horrified. Both of their groups stopped in their tracks to make sure she was ok. Jamie was profusely apologizing while she was laughing her ass off. 

“I am so sorry. I don’t know how that happened. Are you sure you’re ok?” As a professional athlete Jamie is no stranger to high fives and handshakes so it’s lost on him what went wrong, especially when he had connected with every other person  before her. It couldn’t possibly be that just for a second he got lost in her beauty and forgot where he was, right? Perhaps she got lost in his looks too since she missed as well.

“I don’t think anything’s broken. You’re off the hook.” Sure, she could be annoyed that some random guy smacked her in the face, but what’s the point in that? It was clearly an accident. She couldn’t help laughing it off. It was pretty funny, after all. She was still laughing about it, in fact, something that Jamie noticed. 

“I feel terrible. Really. I can’t apologize enough.” He was extremely embarrassed and felt horrible for hitting her.

“No need. I’m fine.” For a few seconds they locked eyes and stared at each other, not saying a word. She let a bit of a smile slip, which made him smile back no matter how hard he tried to fight it. She had finally taken the time to really look at him and realized that this random guy was really handsome. Maybe it really was her lucky night. “Do you wanna try again?”

He looked down at the ground, unsure if he wanted to try again after that. “Oh, I dunno.”

She held her hand up for another high five, hoping he’d go for it. She didn’t want him to leave feeling bad about what happened. It really wasn’t a big deal. If anything it would be a funny story to tell her friends the next day. He softly high fived her with a little grin on his face. He could finally admit to himself that this was a little amusing. 

After talking for a few minutes they started to get herded off by security and before going their separate ways they wound up taking a picture together, with the help of the suggestion by her friend. The picture was cute and it was texted to her right away. She immediately thought about posting it on Instagram. The story had to be told to her friends and family. 

“Are you on Instagram? I’ll tag you in it.”

Jamie hesitated. He wasn't sure he wanted to be tagged, not because he didn’t like her but because he didn’t like the idea of just anyone being able to see it. Justin nudged him, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Live a little.” Jamie continued to be silent so Justin thought he would take matters into his own hands. “It’s jamiebenn14.” He watched as she typed it in. “Two n’s. Yup, like that.” He knew he could always remove the tag before anyone saw and he’d still have her name so Justin’s life was safe. That didn’t stop Jamie from glaring at him, though. “You’re gonna tell your grandkids about this one day. Don’t forget to mention that I helped.” Jamie shoved him and they all had a good laugh as they made their way out to the parking lot.

**

It took Gabriella a few days to send Jamie a message, and after a few weeks of talking back and forth through DMs on Instagram they decided to go on a date. Despite him being pretty shy at first and she was being pretty cautious they felt an instant connection. Jamie immediately let his walls down and became comfortable enough with her to let his personality shine by the end of the night. Gabriella couldn't resist his charm and his dry sense of humor. A sucker for sarcasm, she didn't stand a chance.

They really liked each other after the first date. They didn't want the night to end. They wound up sitting in front of her house talking until morning. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way about someone, which scared her. She wasn't sure if she was ready for it. Ready to let someone into her life, into her heart. She wasn't sure if she was ready to fall in love again, possibly get hurt again. Him being a professional athlete made it so much more difficult. She wasn't sure if she could handle it, so even though she really liked him she made the decision that she wouldn't see him again.

Jamie’s schedule and him being in the spotlight was something she couldn't get past. She didn't want to spend her days missing someone. She was looking for an eventual partner and she wasn't sure that he could be that for her. She quickly realized that no matter what, she missed him. The more she fought against it, the harder it became to cut him out of her life. Missing him knowing she’d at least be seeing him again is way better than missing him for the rest of her life.

Jamie understood her decision. It's not easy dating a professional athlete. He knew that. Even though she made him happy and he had a sense of freedom to be himself that he never felt with a girl before he had to let her go. It was one of the hardest things he's had to do. He had gotten so used to talking to her at night before bed or after practice or a game. She had become a part of his routine so quickly and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to push her out of his mind.

Luckily for Jamie he didn't have to figure it out for long. He was on the road when he got the text from her asking if he was busy. Part of him wanted to jump on a plane and fly down to see her but life doesn't work like that. He told her he'd be back in town in five days and the first thing he'd do is take her out to lunch. She hated that she had to wait but it's not like she had a choice. She had been missing him and she'd just have to miss him a little bit longer.

As soon as he got back to Dallas he made good on his promise and took her out to lunch. He was so relieved that she wanted to see him again and hoped that she would be willing to give him a chance to prove that he was worth it and that he'd spend all of his free time making her as happy as she made him. As soon as she walked in the door of the restaurant he gave her the biggest hug and that was it, she was hooked, she knew that even though it will have its challenges life would be so better with him in it than without. Lunch turned to dinner and dinner turned into forever. They both knew that they had found something special and didn’t want to let it go.

**

It took Gabriella a few months to decide when would be a good time for Jamie to meet Samantha. She didn't want to bring someone into her life that would leave, but working around her schedule was getting more and more difficult and she was already falling in love with him. Sammy was two so the concept of boyfriend versus friend wasn't something she would understand anyway. She was comfortable as long as they were careful and moved slowly. 

Jamie was the most nervous he's ever been that day. It just had to go smoothly. He had no reason to be. He has nieces and most of the time he feels more comfortable with kids than adults. But this wasn't just any kid, this was her kid. She had put her trust in him and he didn't want to let her down. It was also really important to him to get along with Samantha because he wanted to be in their lives on a more permanent basis. 

Gabriella was pretty nervous herself. She obviously knew Jamie was aware she was a mom, but he had never actually seen her be a mom. She was worried that maybe once he saw her as a mom that his view of her would change, that maybe he wouldn’t want her anymore, that dating a single mom would be too much for him. She knew Samantha would love him, she loved everyone, and Jamie is easy to love. She had seen how he interacts with kids and knew that he was a natural. She just wasn’t sure if it being her kid would make it different. She loves the way he looked at her and she didn’t want that to change.

He stood in the toy store at the mall trying to find the perfect toy he would give Samantha when he got there, not knowing exactly what the perfect toy would be since he had never met her before. He could hear Gabriella’s voice in his head telling him she’s two and any toy would be fine, but he wanted it to mean something. He finally saw a glimpse of purple and he remembered that she had told him that Samantha was obsessed with anything purple so he grabbed the super soft purple stuffed bunny and knew he found what he was looking for. 

When she opened the door she gave him the warmest hug. All of her hugs are his favorite. They make him feel safe and loved. She saw the bunny in his hand and smiled. “She’s going to love that.”

“I hope so.”

They walked into the living room where Samantha was sitting on the couch and watching cartoons. She turned the TV off so Sam could concentrate on Jamie. Jamie slinked into the room and sheepishly waved to Samantha before squatting down in front of her. “Hi, I’m Jamie, it’s nice to finally meet you. I brought you a bunny.”

He handed her the bunny and she took it from him and hugged it. “Popo bunyee.” Her way of saying purple bunny. It melted his heart.

Gabriella sat down on the couch next to Samantha. “Can you say thank you to Jamie?”

Samantha climbed down off of the couch. “Fank you, Damie.” She hugged him and that was it for him, he was in love with the little girl and her mom.

“You’re very welcome. I hope you like it.”

Gabriella smiled proudly at how well her daughter did. “We’ve been working on saying your name.” 

“You have?”

“We have.”

"That's so...I love you." That was the first time he had said it to her. He wasn't planning on telling her right then and there but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. 

She had been wanting to hear those words from him since the moment they met. She was too scared to tell him first, unsure if he felt the same way, worried about jumping the gun. "I love you too."

Samantha too had to get in on the loving action, being the little sponge brain that she was and repeating a lot of what her mom would say. A little “I love you” squeaked out and made both her and Jamie laugh. It was right then and there that Jamie decided that these two were his family and he was never going to let them go.

**

There came a point in their relationship that they decided that the back and forth just wasn’t working for them anymore. He didn’t want to sleep alone. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Gabriella or Samantha. Between his busy schedule and her trying to find some free time, living apart was more trouble than it was worth. It was time to move in together. They had multiple conversations about it, making sure that it was the right thing for them and for Samantha. They were on the same page. This is what they both needed and wanted. Samantha was young enough where she would adapt easily and it would soon become the only life she’d know.

Not only was it getting hard on her to say goodbye, but it was getting harder and harder on Samantha. She was too young to understand why Jamie kept leaving and seeing her cry every time was breaking his heart.

In preparation to officially ask her he cleared out one of the bedrooms that he thought would be perfect for Samantha and painted the walls lavender. He couldn't be more excited about it. They had plenty of discussions about the possibility of moving in together so he had no doubts she'd say yes. He wanted to make this grand gesture to show that Samantha was just as important to him as she was, not that there was any doubt, she knew.

Sometimes he would have date nights alone with Gabrielle and other times the three of them would have a nice night together. This was one of those nights where they were going to his house for dinner and a movie. Jamie had it all planned out, a movie for Samantha and a movie for the grownups for after she falls asleep. Usually they would have dinner delivered if they stayed in, but that night he would be cooking for them.

As soon as he opened the door Samantha's arms were around his leg. She always made sure she was the first to give him hugs. He picked her up and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Hey munchkin! Are you ready for date night?"

"Yes!" Samantha exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. 

He peeked around her at Gabriella. "Oh, hey, you're here too." 

"Someone had to drive your girlfriend here."

He smiled before carrying Samantha inside and placing her down on the couch so he could give Gabriella a proper greeting. "You can stay if you want," he teased as he hugged her. 

“Imagine if you were actually as funny as you think you are,” she quips back. She always puts him in his place when he’s being sassy and sarcastic, one of the many reasons he fell in love with her. She never fails to make him laugh. And laugh he did before cradling her face in his hands and kissing her tenderly. It was then she realized she could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. “Are you cooking?”

“I thought we could stay in tonight. Is that ok?”

“It smells great. It’s perfectly ok.”

His plan was to ask her after dinner but he started to get anxious and knew he wouldn’t be able to act normal or concentrate while they ate so he checked the timer to make sure he had enough time to show her right then, and he did, so he picked Samantha up. “I have something to show you guys upstairs.”

She followed behind him up the stairs, curious as to what he was up to and not a clue what it could be. They stepped into the room and she was taken aback, knowing that the room was painted for Samantha. There could be no other explanation. Samantha looked around the room with wonder. So much purple. It was a room Samantha was already familiar with since she would sleep in it if they stayed over, which didn’t happen too often. Gabriella looked at Jamie in disbelief, waiting for an explanation.

“I know we’ve been talking about moving in together so I wanted to take the first step. Do you think we could start moving her stuff in here?”

She couldn’t help laughing to herself at the way he was asking, of course it was about Samantha. She hugged him so tight. She could never begin to thank him for treating Samantha as his own the way that he does. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

He kissed her forehead with all of the love in his heart. “I’m asking both of you to move in with me. I don’t want to live another day where I’m watching you walk out that door and I sleep alone.”

She rubbed her thumb along Samantha’s cheek. “What do you think? Should we live with Jamie?”

“Yeah. Live with Jamie.”

“You heard the girl. We’re moving in.”

Jamie could not have been happier while he squeezed both of his girls and kissed them all over their faces. He could have stood in that moment forever but the alarm on his phone went off. Dinner was ready. He kissed them both one more time and they headed back downstairs to celebrate. 

**

Gabriella still goes out with the girls once a month and when that time comes Jamie and Samantha always plan a fun night together. Tonight is no different, except Jamie has done all of the planning. Tonight is the night he asks Samantha if it would be ok with her to ask her mom to marry him. He has been thinking long and hard about how he was going to do it, what he would say, where he would take her, and he hasn’t been able to figure it out on his own. Asking Samantha for her help seems like the perfect way to include her, and it couldn’t hurt getting her opinion on how he should go about doing it.

He loves his nights with Samantha. They have so much fun together. He sees so much of Gabriella in Samantha. He thinks she’s the most incredible mother and can’t wait to add to their little family. First thing’s first, though, he has to ask her to marry him. He wanted to make it as special for Samantha as he could so he ordered a single rose from his go to flower company. They put it in a little box, where it lasts a very long time. Of course he had to get a purple rose, as it still is her favorite color.

Luckily for Jamie Samantha has picked up his affinity for Mexican food and his favorite Mexican restaurant has become hers too. He has no doubts that this is where he’d take her, this is where they go during most of their date nights. She thinks they’re a little obsessed. Jamie just likes to stick with what he knows is good. Samantha is just happy to be there and isn’t too picky about food.

The whole time they’re at dinner all Jamie wants to do is go back home and tell her the big news. The flower has already been delivered. He already has the ring. He can’t wait to see Samantha’s face when he tells her. Over the last three years they have become so close and he just considers her his daughter. He’s been the only man in her life that she can remember so as far as she’s concerned he’s her dad. She does know that her biological dad is out there somewhere and that Jamie isn’t that to her, and she’s still a little too young to understand the extent of it, but to her he’s the whole world.

After dinner and dessert Jamie and Samantha go home and for some reason he’s a little nervous. He’s not sure why. He’s been thinking about this for months. He had bought the ring. Talking to Samantha about it should be the easiest part. He looks in the rear view mirror at her smiling and singing along to the radio in the back seat. He can’t believe that this is his life sometimes and he feels incredibly lucky that he gets to love them and to be loved by them. 

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks knowing full well what’s going to be happening next. He’s still curious to see what she has in mind for the rest of their night.

“Moana and popcorn.”

He chuckles. He doesn’t know why he thought it would be any different. She is obsessed with Moana. She watches it so much that he pretty much knows the whole movie by heart. It is thanks to her that he has the soundtrack in a playlist on Spotify. He doesn’t mind, though, it’s a good movie. “You got it, munchkin.” They could do that after he tells her about the proposal.

“Can you dress up like Maui for Halloween?”

"Halloween isn't for another few months."

"I still want you to dress up as Maui in a few months."

"Who would mom be?"

She goes into a fit of giggles. "The grandma."

He has to fight a laugh. "I'm not sure she'd like that idea."

“But the grandma is awesome.” The mischievous smile on her face reveals she knows exactly what she’s insinuating by suggesting the grandma.

“I see that smile, missy.” She giggles even more. "How about me and mommy dress up like Moana's mom and dad?"

She scrunches her face up. "No way. Maui's fun. Moana's dad is mean."

"I don't think he is mean. He just worries about Moana and wants her to be safe."

"But she did it. She never would have learned if she didn't go."

He pauses for a few beats. That is a very smart and mature takeaway by this little girl. She's growing up way too fast. "You're right about that. Maybe mom can be Moana too. That would be cute.”

“Hmmmm. I guess that would be ok.”

"I'll be Maui for you." There was never a real chance that he wouldn't do it. He would do anything that little girl asked him to do if it meant making her happy.

"Yay! Thank you, Jamie."

“You’re very welcome.”

“Can you play the Moana song?”

Normally he may put up a fight since they are about to go home and watch the movie but he’s in an exceptionally good mood. She could ask for a pony right now and he'd probably say yes. She sings along to all of the songs the whole way home and Jamie hums along with her. He could not be happier than he is right now. He loves singing in the car with his daughter. That’s how he refers to her because that’s how he sees her. 

When they get inside the house Samantha runs to her room to get her favorite movie watching blanket while Jamie takes the opportunity to get the flower and the ring from his room. He places the flower on the coffee table in front of the couch and keeps the ring box in his pocket to reveal later. He gets the popcorn and bowl out so he can make it for them after they talk. He knows if he put the movie on right away she’d be too distracted.

She runs into the living room and jumps onto the couch next to Jamie. “Got my blankie!”

He smiles with every muscle in his face. He loves how excited she gets for movie night, especially when it’s Moana. “I see. Can we share?” He’s a little amused that she hasn’t noticed the flower on the table yet. He watches her to see her face when it finally happens.

“Yeah, we can share.” She drapes as much of her little blanket as she can on him, which only covers his thigh.

He kisses the top of her head. “Thanks, munchkin.”

She finally spots the flower and her whole face lights up. “What is that?” She asks excitedly. “It’s so pretty! Can I see it?”

He picks the flower up and hands it to her. “It’s for you.”

She holds it right in front of her face, eyes as wide as saucers. “It is?”

He nods. “Mhmm. Because I love you so much and I have a really important question to ask you.”

She smiles the sweetest smile. “I love you too, Jamie. What’s the question?”

“I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I asked mommy to marry me.”

She shrieks at the top of her lungs, making Jamie wince. “For real?”

He pulls her into his lap. “For real. It’s time, don’t you think?”

She nods vigorously. "It's definitely time."

He smiles from ear to ear. "So it would be ok with you if I asked her to marry me?"

"It's so ok, Jamie." She squeals. "I can't believe it!" She throws her arms around his neck and gives him the biggest hug that she can. "This is the best day of my life!"

He smiles and boops her nose. “Mine too. I’m gonna need your help figuring out how to ask her.”

“You do? Hm.” She taps her chin with her finger as she thinks. “It has to be super romantic.”

“She deserves the best proposal and I’m not too sure what that would be. We met at the Rangers game. Should I do it at a Rangers game? That might be fun.”

She shakes her head. “She would kill you if you did it in front of all those people.”

“I could do it in a suite, just the two of us, but maybe you’re right.”

“Not romantic enough. You need fireworks, and balloons, and flowers, and candles, and and and and, you know, romantic stuff.”

He chuckles. “Romantic stuff, eh? I think fireworks might be a bit much, but maybe you’re onto something with the candles and flowers.”

“She loves you a whole bunch, Jamie. I think she’d be happy with anything.”

“She’s pretty special and she deserves special. I want her to know how much she means to me, how much both of you mean to me.”

“She knows.”

“But it’s always nice to hear anyway, isn’t it?” He nudges her and she giggles from the tickles. “Should I take her out or just stay here?” Part of him hopes she says do it at home since that’s where he’s more comfortable. After thinking about it, that’s where he’s leaning anyway. 

“She likes when you cook.”

“Alright. So, I’ll cook her dinner and it could be a nice quiet night, just the two of us.”

“Quiet and romantic.”

“Yes, of course, romantic.” He has an ear to ear smile. He loves how enthusiastic she is about it. He didn’t really worry that she’d have a problem with it but it’s good to know she’s on board. Samantha’s approval is all he really cares about. “I’ll get a bunch of candles and those lilies she likes.”

“And a ring.”

“I have the ring already.”

She lets out a little gasp. “You do?”

“Mhmm. Do you want to see it?”

She bounces with excitement. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

He sits her down next to him, reaches into his pocket and pulls the ring box out. “I think she’s really going to love it.” He opens the box to reveal the ring he has spent months picking out. “What do you think?”

“I love it. It’s perfect. Mommy’s going to freak out.”

“Do you think she’s going to say yes?” A question he’s only asking for Samantha’s reaction. He isn’t really worried about it. They talk about their life together all of the time.

“She’d be crazy not to. She loooooooves you. Love, love, loves you.”

He can’t help smiling wide. “That’s good to know. I love, love, love her too. And you know who else? You. I Love, love, love you.”

She hugs him. “I love you too. Can we watch Moana now?”

He belly laughs. “Yes we can.”

**

Two long weeks Jamie has waited for this day. Two long weeks of preparing and planning his proposal. He’s ordered the flowers and the candles. He’s bought the food he’s going to make. He has dropped off Samantha at her grandparents’ for the night. He has the ring. He has an idea of what he’s going to say. He just needs the girl. She’s been at work and he’s just waiting for her to come home. 

The living room is filled with various sized candles, all unscented. He almost made the mistake of buying scented candles, which would mask the natural scent of the lilies. The lights are off and the candles illuminate the room on their own, exactly how he wanted it to look. He ordered so many stargazer lilies that he could open his own flower shop. The irony of the name is not lost on him as he is on the Dallas Stars and these are her favorite flowers, something they both had a good laugh about when he asked her what her favorite flower is before their first Valentine’s Day together. They are a beautiful flower and they do smell amazing. He could see why she loves them so much. The whole house is filled with the aroma of the lilies and he can’t say he minds it one bit. 

He put on a white button down and slacks. He’s not sure if it’s necessary to get dressed up but it feels right. This isn’t just some regular dinner, this is the most important dinner of his life. The ring box is burning a hole in his pocket. He’s starting to get a little anxious and wonders if he got everything ready too soon. He’s not sure if he should cook now and ask after or ask first and then cook. He can’t exactly concentrate right now, though, so after he asks it will have to be. He begins to pace around the living room, checking the time every few seconds until the door opens and she walks in. Immediately a calm washes over him and he smiles. 

She looks around the room at all of the candles and all of the flowers in amazement and a little bit of shock. “What’s going on?”

“Is something different?” He can’t help being his usual sarcastic self, even when he’s about to propose.

“Jame.”

“Gab.”

She finally starts to move and walk around the room. Obviously he’s up to something but she’s too blown away to realize what’s about to happen. She stops to smell each of the bouquets of flowers. “Where’s Samantha?”

“Your parents have her for the night.” He takes her by the hand and pulls her into a hug. She melts in his arms. He always gives her the warmest hug every time she gets home, whether if she’s gone for a few minutes or hours. 

“Is that so?” An ear to ear smile creeps along her face. “What’s the occasion?”

"You." He kisses her with every fiber of his being. It’s a kiss that knocks them both off their feet. One of those unforgettable kisses that they’ll remember 60 years from now, and they’ll feel it then too. It leaves them both breathless, which gives him time to compose himself. What he says next is going to be the most important words he’s ever said in his life and he wants to make sure he gets it right. She’s perfect and she deserves perfect. “You are the most loving, funny, down to earth, amazing woman I’ve ever met. Sometimes I don’t know why you put up with me but I’m so thankful that you do. The way you love me...I didn’t know love like that existed. You are my happy place, my calm place, my whole world. You and that incredible daughter of yours. I couldn’t imagine my life without you both. You’re my family, and I want to add to that family some day.” He reaches into his pocket, hands shaking, not sure if he should say more. He could talk for hours about how great she is and why he loves her, but none of those words would do her justice. He takes a deep breath before getting down on one knee and opening the ring box. “Will you marry me? Sammy said it was ok to ask you.”

She laughs through her tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

His eyes crinkle as he smiles the biggest smile he’s ever smiled in his life. He takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto her finger before standing up and kissing her. “I love you.”

She hugs around his neck and kisses him once more. “I love you too.” She admires the ring as it sparkles from the reflection of the lights from the candles that surround them. “It’s so beautiful.”

He rests his forehead against hers. “I’m glad you like it.”

She plays with the ends of his hair. “Did you really ask Samantha if it was ok?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t want her here for this. You two peas in a pod.”

He takes her hand in his and slow dances with her to only the music in his head. “I want you all to myself tonight.” He pulls her up against him. “My fiancé.”

She smiles. “I love the sound of that.”

He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. “Me too.”

[yamithediaperdork]

Just a pup (inuyasha)

Kagome smirked as she looked out the window of her bedroom, watching as Inuyasha popped out of the well looking excited and blushing. It was the second Friday of the month, which per the agreement the two of them agreed on, meant it was Inuyasha's punishment night.

Many of their friends, and well, ANYONE who knew Inuyasha would of been shocked to learn that the bad ass demon slayer was a natural submissive, who got his rocks off being ordered around and teased by people weaker then him, and more to the point, being spanked like a naughty little boy. Lord knows Kagome had been shocked when he confess (Well shocked and amused) and she had agreed to humor the silly pup and spend the second and fourth Friday of every month making him a little bitch, the First and third were romantic date nights.

With date nights in the past (it was just easier to get a seat at a inn then a fancy restaurant in the present) and punishment nights in the present (So no one heard Inuyasha yowling for mercy, They timed it for when Kagome's mom and grandpa would take Souta out to a movie) it was working out to a point, though Inuyasha had started to phone in his half of the deal to Kagome's annoyance.

'Well after tonight he'll know what to expect if he can't measure up~' She thought with a evil little giggle, then went down to meet him at the door.

Inuyasha couldn't help but grin like a fucking school girl as Kagome answered the door, giggling softly. He didn't quite understand why he wanted to be dominated when he hated being hurt (a big part in picking Kagome to punish him, At her hardest she barely hurt his behind, though he played it up like she was killing him) But he knew he was at his hardest when she abused him.

"About time Pup. Your five minutes late." Kagome said, sneering at him and making his cock twitch in his pants.

He knew of course he was on time, it was all part of the role play.

"I'm sorry Miss Kagome, I couldn't help it." Inuyasha mewed, looking down at the floor, his ears drooping, and trying not to grin.

"Oh you'll be sorry alright~" She said and grabbed him by the collar and lead the way to her room. "Though I have a surprise for you my dirty little pup."

"O-Oh?" Inuyasha asked, though he was distracted by a scent in the air as they got to the second story of the house. it was familiar but there's no way it could be what he was thinking it was.

"A yup~ I've noticed that despite all the wailing and whining you do, I'm not really hurting your cute little butt." Kagome said, opening the door to her room.

And sitting on her bed, holding the fire harden wooden paddle with holes drilled into it to cut down on air resistance, was Koga.

"So I asked Koga to help me give you the punishment you sooo seem to need and want. Your welcome." Kagome giggled as Inuyasha froze, blushing and then snarling.

"Now now Pup, none of that!" Koga ordered. "We both know a fight between us would be a draw, but think of how much everyone back home would loooove to hear about what a little fucking wimp you are, that you beg to be spanked and stepped." Koga said, smirking and wagging a finger.

The thought of all of his other friends and well, everyone that they both knew knowing what a little bitch he was took the fight out of Inuyasha, even as his cock twitched and throbbed and tented out his pants, a small damp spot appeared from pre.

"I..but..Kagommmme! the deal wa-" Inuyasha turned his attention to his mistress/girlfriend, but was cut off.

"The deal was I dominate your subby bitch ass and get romantic dates in exchange. do you recall what our 'date' was Pup?" Kagome asked, frowning and shaking her head, and trying not to laugh at how hard Inuyasha was despite looking so mad and scared.

"W-We had a picnic by the lake an-"

"And you spent half of it whining about me not bringing any ramen cups and the other half chasing fish in the water because you didn't like the pasta dish I made for you." Kagome said, glaring.

"O-Oh uh..I'm sorry?" Inuyasha said/asked and poked his index fingers together.

"Like I said before, you WILL be. Koga here knows how to treat bad little pups like you and has lots of fun ideas planned out, and all he wants in return is a little loving." Kagome coo'ed.

"Y-Your not gonna.. with him..are you?" Inuyasha whined, but his cock was leaking big time now.

"Of course I am..Maybe He'll last longer then 30 seconds..Of course if you're THAT against me getting fucked by a real man, someone who doesn't need to be scolded like a naughty little boy..you could always ride Koga." Kagome giggled. "Lords knows you love it when I finger you."

"Heh, Hey I'm a open guy, as long as i get to fuck a nice tight hole i'm game." Koga laughed.

"but..but.." Inuyasha mewed.

"That's right, in your butt..or you mouth. actually yeah, Your gonna wanna suck it first." Koga said, chuckling and gesturing Inuyasha over with a finger. "Now enough of this huffing and puffing and whining, the longer you put this off, the more likely it is more people are gonna find out what a subby little bitch you are."

Inuyasha knew he should just storm out. or at least try and fuck Koga's shit up, even though the wolf demon was right that they were basically equals and would only in a draw. there was a lot of should of's.. but in the end Inuyasha's body betrayed him and he hooked his thumbs in the waistline of his pants and dropped, them, then walked over and knelled in front of Koga, who chuckled and patted his head.

"Good puppy."

Koga found himself a little jealous as he looked down at Inuyasha. just wasn't fair that a total bitch like him could have such a huge piece of fuck meat, 9 1/2 inches when Koga was only a 'mere' 7, though Koga's was thicker.

"Since you went and wasted time with all your whining and bitch, I think you owe me a little something to make up for wasting my time." Koga said, press his bare foot on the tip of Inuyasha's cock, not hard enough to hurt but the puppy let out a whimper even as his cock leaked on Koga's foot.

"Y-Yes Sir. I'm sorry sir." Inuyasha mewed softly.

"The bottom of my feet are dirty from walking to the well and coming though JUST to humor you, so I think they deserve a little tongue bath, don't you?" Koga asked, shifting his weight around on his foot and then switching up, Inuyasha's cock juice coating his soles.

"Heh, Really? I don't usually make him do THAT." Kagome giggled, sitting back and enjoying the show.

"Well I dare say he enjoys the idea." Koga chuckled, raising a foot for her to see the pre all over it,then held it in front of Inuyasha's face. "I'm waiting~"

He was actually testing to see how far he could push the little bitch, and if Inuyasha had outright refused well he'd just make up for it with the paddling. Instead though Inuyasha's cute pink tongue darted out, taking quick fast licks on the sole of of his foot.

"Pfttttt Bwhahahaha!" Kagome laughed. "No way!"

"Heh, good boy Inuyasha, however I want long heel to toe licks. so you get the full experience." Koga instructed.

"Y-Yes sir. Sorry." Inuyasha whined, closing his eyes and leaning in.

"Ah ah ah, and eyes open and looking at me while you do it. I know this is your first time worshiping a alpha males feet so I'm be nice, but we DO have to nip bad habits in the bud~" Koga chuckled.

The half demon nodded and locked eyes with Koga, as much as he could as he slurped and licked away on foot, only closing them when hitting super foul tasting spots on Koga's foot. when the first one was clean, Koga simply offered up the other one and made small talk with Kagome while Inuyasha worked, as if he was just a object.

when it was all over Koga held his feet up, using Inuyasha's shoulders to do see and had Kagome inspect them.

"Hmm yup, they're spotless. Good to know I have a good widdle foot licker I can count on to take care of my feet every night. you wouldn't believe how dirty and smelly they get walking everywhere." Kagome said and Inuyasha whimpered.

"Oh, you don't like that idea pup?" Koga asked, smirking. "It's ok if you only like to worship men's feet. I always figured you played for both teams."

"N-No! I'll lick Kagome's feet!" Inuyasha protested.

"Awww! that's so cute! you think you had a choice!" Kagome squealed and with Koga's feet down she was gonna give him a hug and a kiss, then pulled back and held her nose. "Yuck! foot breath!"

"Yeahhh you're gonna wanna keep lots of mints around if you wanna kiss him after he's been cleaning your feet." Koga laughed as Inuyasha squirmed. "That or just don't kiss him anymore."

"Hmm I'll have to think about that."

"I..but.." Inuyasha whined, turning back and forth looking at both of them.

"Pup, stop fussing and get over my lap, it's time for your reward for being SUCH a good little foot bitch." Koga said, patting his lap.

"...Yes sir." Was all the defeated by his own perverted desires half demon could say, and he got over Koga's lap.

Laying over Koga's lap Inuyasha could feel just how 'excited' this turn of events was making the wolf demon, Koga's manhood was poking him in the tummy.

'a manhood that'll end up in me..or Kagome..All because I couldn't be a good boyfriend.' Inuyasha thought.

He'd never pictured being spanked by anther man, or having to clean someones feet and yet here he was and the most damnable thing of it all was his hard-on wouldn't go away!

his leaking manhood was dangling as Koga kept his legs spread but Inuyasha was fairly certain he was gonna be cumming ropes before long.

'Maybe once I nut I'll be able to clearly..' He thought, then Koga's voice drew his attention.

"Now Inuyasha, as I understand it, Kagome spanks you for 10 minutes., a time length I'm willing to match but I will let you end it early if it's too much for you. All you have to do is say 'Daddy pwease stop!' However if you do that, Or if you wet yourself or cum, you're little bitch ass will be going in diapers for the rest of the night." Koga said and nodded to Kagome who tugged out a pack of thick, nursery print diapers and smirked.

"...What?!" Inuyasha yelped trying to get out of Koga's lap and being held in place with ease, his own submissive nature keeping him for going all out to break free.

"I didn't stutter. But hey, it's ALL you, all you have to do is keep your bladder and cock under control, and take my paddling like a good boy! You can do that can't you?" Koga challenged.

"Yes!" Inuyasha huffed while thinking 'No!'

"of course even if you pee or nut, the spanking will go on till the time limit is up, but every 'accident' means one diaper.. Hope you're not big on repeat performances because I WILL put your butt in that whoooole pack if you 'earn' it." Koga chuckled.

"Is it weird I'm finding the idea of him in huggies while we fuck hawt?" Kagome asked, biting her lip.

"Not at all, we all have our kinks!" Koga said cheerfully and tapped the paddle lightly on Inuyasha's butt. "Right pup?"

"Yes daddy!" Inuyasha said then covered his mouth as Kagome and Koga laughed.

Watching her boyfriend/bitch quiver over Koga's lap, Kagome had no doubt that Inuyasha was gonna be in at least 3 diapers, the little bitch liked to edge himself for at least 3 hours a day on the week when he'd be getting spanked.

'Hell, forget three, I might have to go out and get anther pack of diapers!' Kagome thought, her folds getting damp as she pictured Inuyasha in a massive diaperzilla hugging a teddy bear and watching her get fucked. 'Huh..Kink unlocked.' She mused.

She was drawn out of her little fantasy as the first swat stuck and she could almost feel the force of the blow herself and winced.

the effect on Inuyasha's was almost cartoonish, his semi bubble butt seemed to deform around the force of the paddle as Inuyasha's mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide.

Before he could even begin wailing (which followed quickly enough) Koga stuck anther 3 blows on the pup's backside, quickly turning it bright red and then the howling and sobbing came.

'Damn, 4 blows in about ten seconds..Inuyasha's not gonna be able to sit for a week!'

As blows 5 6 7 and 8 hit Inuyasha was a blubbering mess and couldn't even talk right as a massive cum shot hit the floor.

"Wow that didn't take long." Koga teased. "Kagome could you be a dear and keep count, I don't think our little puppy is gonna be able to."

"of course~" Kagome cooed, and ripped open the package of diapers, taking one out and setting it on the desk next to her, then she winked at Inuyasha. "I think you might wanna toss in the towel pup.. It hasn't even been a minute yet."

"I-I'll never gi- AH FUCK!" Inuyasha had been in the middle of declaring his iron will, how he'd never give up when the paddle started to come down on his red cheek and reduce him back to sobbing and crying, kicking his legs and pounding his fists but there was no way out for him.

Kagome gave up trying to count the blows and just watched Inuyasha's useless big cock swing back and forth and seeing it twitch and tremble at the 2 minute mark got ready to pull out a second diaper, and wasn't disappointed when he indeed fired off again.

"Wow Inuyasha, you much REALLY like being Koga's bitch! Normally you only cum ONCE for me!" Kagome teased. "Or was it worshiping his feet first just primed you up?" She snickered.

Inuyasha couldn't even try and reply, at least with words, but but his body did and Kagome pulled out a third diaper.

Koga had to give Inuyasha credit, the mutt had lasted five minutes so far, which was four more then Koga had counted on. Of course he wasn't going all out either as he wanted Inuyasha able to walk. The pup was up to 6 diapers, and Koga was glad Kagome had insisted on putting down a puppy housebreaking pad since only five of the diapers were from cum shots.

Inuyasha had stopped fighting and was just taking the blows now, and if Koga didn't know any better the half demon seemed to be raising his buns up to meet the paddle.

"C-Come On.. That all you g-got?" Inuyasha said, sniffling and giving a impish grin as he looked over his shoulder.

'Ohhh he's adapted to the pain.. heh..and thinks he's got my number.. adorable.'

"Actually I've been holding back..Trying to be nice. but since you want full force." Koga said,Smiling like he was offering Inuyasha a treat for being a good boy and trying not to laugh at the look of terror on Inuyasha's face.

"Y-Your bluffing!" Inuyasha squealed.

"Heh, I dunno pup, I think he has been, since he'd have to make this last 10 whole minutes." Kagome chimed in, a hand down the front of her panties. "But go ahead, flip that coin. I'm loving the show."

Koga raised his arm up and got ready to deliver a full on blow to Inuyasha's red and bruised back side when Inuyasha screamed, wet himself and JUST before the paddle could hit..

"Daddy pwease stop!" Came out of his mouth.

The paddle stopped though the force from it made the pup's red bubble butt ripple and Koga chuckled as Kagome huffed.

"Boooo!" She whined.

"Now now Kagome, a deal's a deal. Inuyasha, go and stand with your nose in the corner while we clean up and get your DIAPERS ready." Koga said, tugging Inuyasha up in his lap and trying not to melt as the sniffling and sobbing pup hugging him and nodded.. giving Koga a kiss on the cheek before going to the corner.

'If I didn't know any better I'd say someones getting a crush on me.' Koga thought, then him and Kagome started to take care of the clean up.

Nose in the corner and his butt on fire, Inuyasha fought the urge to rub his cheeks since good boys took their lickings. he was confused as to why he had smooched Koga and tried to just play it off as caught up in the mood though as he waited for the ok to come out of the corner he caught himself almost sucking on his thumb three times.

Between the claw on his thumb and how sharp his fangs were he knew THAT wouldn't end well and just shifted from foot to foot.

"Don't tell me you need to use the potty before we diaper you up little guy? You already did two super piddles!" Kagome asked, clearly mistaking his fidgeting for a potty dance.

"N-No Sowwy.." Inuyasha called.

"Well if you wanna try and uh-oh before you go back in diapers, let us know." Koga said.

"Oh? your gonna be that nice?" Kagome asked.

"..Do you really want your room to smell like a poopie diaper?" Koga pointed out

"..Touche...Inuyasha go sit on the potty and try and boom boom!" Kagome ordered, a little too fast.

Inuyasha didn't really feel the need to go, but knew better then to argue and walked by, seeing them laying out the seven diapers and cutting slits in the front and back.

5 minutes later, after giving it a honest try and just pooting on the bowl, Inuyasha walked back in and looked at the massive diaper they had put together for him, apparently taking the time to glue the diapers together to make sure they wouldn't sag.

"Ready to go back into huggies pup?" Koga asked, smiling and grinning, kneeling by the diapers.

Kagome meanwhile was Naked and on the bed, tapping her fingers on the bed frame impatient to get her fun for the night.

"Do I really have a choice?" Inuyasha asked, poking his index fingers together.

it was odd, he was still aroused but for some reason, his wonderful piece of fuck meat was drooping now between his legs.

"heh, not really." Koga said.

"So hurry up! Someone us wanna get laid tonight!" Kagome whined, then glared as Inuyasha blew a raspberry at her. "Koga, spank him again."

"Wait what!?" Inuyasha yelped, and his hands went to his poor bruised backside.

"I don't think I'll have time to spank him and fuck you Kagome." Koga said, sweat dropping.

"finnne just hurry upppp!"She whined.

"Sheesh, are you sure she doesn't need a diaper too daddy?" Inuyasha asked, grinning impishly as he walked over and plopped down on the diapers, feeling like he'd sat on a thick pillow and stirring up some baby powder.

"Hey!" Kagome huffed, blushing.

"heh, Inuyasha, be good. Kagome, settle down." Koga said, shaking his head a little and then quickly got Inuyasha tapped up nice and snug in the diapers and kissed his forehead.

He also reached and grabbed a stuffed dog he'd taken from Souta's room and gave it to Inuyasha to hug and cuddle, then stood up and started to strip.

"Alright Inuyasha, I want you to pay attention and watch how a MAN fucks a woman. you might ONE day be able to please a lady, though I think it's more likely your sex life if gonna be getting spanked and diapered from now on." Koga said, and winked. "and from the look's of things, you don't mind."

Inuyasha went to argue that and then looked down, realizing he'd gotten hard from the mental image of never getting pussy again.

He could of said it was the attention, he could of claimed it was because he knew he was about to get a show..but what Inuyasha did instead was hug the stuffie to his chest and nod.

"Yes daddy."

Somehow seeing her boyfriend reduced to a oversized baby had Kagome hotter then she'd ever been, and as long as he didn't fill the back of the diapers she could see A LOT fun in the future with him in diapers and being cucked.

Of course the fact that Koga was thicker then Inuyasha and would hopefully last longer might of had something to do with it.

Laying on her back and spreading her legs, she looked up at Koga with loving eyed and coo'ed out a plea. "Take me~" feeling like this was some sort of romantic novel...and only to have Koga show apparently all demons could be stupid as he got a confused look on his face.

"Uh..But I thought you wanted to fuck..where am I taking you?" he asked.

"..Demon's..Just stick it in me already." She muttered, face palming.

"Humans.." he muttered and then thrusted into her in one fast motion and grinned as she barked.

As Koga went to work and Kagome found herself unable to speak, she did have enough brain power as she was fucked into bliss think about how many, just maybe.. she shouldn't of assumed she could handle a thicker cock with ease.

Half a hour later and Kagome was left a quivering mess on her bed, drooling and eyes glazed over. Koga had given up trying to keep track of the orgasms she'd had compared to his but knew in the long run of things he was technicality the loser of the night, trailing behind Inuyasha and Kagome with a mere 3.

Licking her clean to improve her chances of not getting knocked up (He wasn't one of those prunes who couldn't handle their own flavor) he covered her up and opened a window to help get the sex smell out of the room, then looked over at Inuyasha.

the half demon had conked out early on in the love making, after squirting in his diapers and the stuffie was thankfully out of his grip even if it was damp with drool from Inuyasha making out with it.

'Now what do I do with him?' Koga thought, rubbing his chin, though his still ready for action cock had a answer even as he got dressed.

He had a inkling that it would be nothing but a headache for Kagome and the pup if he left him here like this, curled up on the floor in his diapers.

'I suppose it's my fatherly 'duty' to just take him with me.' Koga thought, smirking as he slowly scooped up the half demon.

There was no shortage of fun he could have with something like this back home, and heck, wasn't he always getting pestered to settle down and raise a cub of his own?

Two birds one stone.

He thought about leaving a note to explain to Kagome that he was taking Inuyasha with him, but then recalled that the chances of her being able to read wolf tribe were slim to none and besides, she was a clever girl.

Slipping out the window as a car was pulling in the driveway, Koga vanished into well with Inuyasha, musing how he had showed up to be a bull, and left a daddy.

The end

[espinosaurusrexex]

Hater

In which Y/N tries to convince herself that she does not have any feelings for Jeff and miserably fails.

warnings: cursing, a really bad apology (like damn I’m sorry im bad at conversing and it shows lmao)

a/n: For the really nice @ilsolee, who requested something from my Drabble List. Thank you for requesting this. I loved this concept and even played with the thought of breaking it into a series (I ended up not doing that but if you want me to next time, to make it a little longer or even more detailed, just tell me).

As always, I’m open to feedback :)

4. Right now, you’re just being really annyoing.

6. How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?

21. Can I kiss you?

word count: 3.8k

She hated him. She hated his dumb smirk and his overly attractive body. She hated the way he talked to her and how he didn't seem to care about people when he interacted with them. His cringy beard triggered her and the muscles on his body intimidated her. There was nothing on this man that could attract her to Jeff Wittek.

Well, those were the points. And Y/N wasn't going to change her mind about this awfully handsome man. At least she didn't want to and found herself relaxing every time she dug a little deeper to find more reasons, why she could hate him. As if him being an ex convict wasn't enough reason to keep a distance, Y/N was intrigued by slipping into his past to be a step ahead for every comment he spat her way. That way she could tell herself that, no matter what he would say to her, she knew something about him that nobody else did. And that gave her the feeling of superiority she seeked a little too often these days.

“What do you think about that, Y/N”, Jeff questioned and raised his eyebrows at her, who had yet to answer his question. There it was again: that stupid smirk. God, she wanted to smack it out of his face every time she saw it. And not the gentle way. The way that would leave a red mark in the form of her hand for several hours. Though it was really hard for her to resist that urge right now, she settled for a snarky comment instead.

“I think that right now, you're just being really annoying.” A low hush went through the room and Y/N noticed Jeff’s face scrunching up in a faked, pained one. He continued to place his hand above his heart before relieving a loud cry. 

“You're so mean! Oh god, I think I have to kill myself now.” The rest of their friends laughed, which made Y/N feel quite uncomfortable. 

“Bohoo, you gonna call your mom now?” Y/N scooched deeper into the cushions as she noticed how childish her behavior had been the whole day.

“Honestly, doll. If you want to upset me, you have to come up with some better roasts. That shit was weak. I feel like I’m arguing with a fifth grader.” Y/N groaned. Another thing she hated about Jeff: him calling her ‘doll’ in that dumb Jersey accent of his.

Sending a growl over to Jeff, Y/N stood up and headed towards the kitchen. She rummaged through the cabinets until she found something to snack her anger away on and proceeded to snatch a water bottle from the fridge. She sat on the counter of David’s kitchen and stared at the white tiles a little longer until she felt a hand on her shoulder and a whiff of strawberry entered the room. Carly. Honestly, Y/N didn't want to talk right now. Drowning her anger in food and tv shows seemed far more appealing to her than engaging in a discussion about her well being or a certain other person she didn't want to think about right now. She knew she had embarrassed herself. Not only today, but all the other times she would start to bicker with Jeff about the most random things.

“Hey Y/N/N…” Carly pushed herself up on the counter next to her and took a cookie from her friend's hand. She knew that Y/N didn't want to talk, but she also couldn't help but wonder what fed the deep hatred her best friend had for Jeff. A man, who had actually been pretty nice and funny to Carly during the time they had known each other. Sure, he wasn't the nicest to Y/N, but that was mainly, because her friend never had anything nice to say towards him, either. Carly would have reacted the same way, if somebody would greet her with such an attitude from day one on. She couldn't bring herself to ask Y/N, though. Knowing deep down that she probably had a good reason to behave the way she did.

A nudge ripped Y/N out of her trance. “Jeff is actually pretty nice, you know?” The platine blonde murmured while glancing back to the living room in which most of their friends gathered at the moment. Jeff shared a short glance with her before turning his attention back to the discussion that was going on. 

“Carly, I’m not magically going to love that guy just because you say he’s ‘pretty nice’.” Y/N chuckled in a mocking manner and turned her head towards her best friend. “I don't like him and that’s final. I find reasons to not like him every day and that is ok. I don't have to like everybody you're friends with. If you want to hang out with a former convict, then do it, but don't expect me to join you again.”

Carly sighed before hopping down from the counter to stand between Y/N’s legs. She looked into her eyes, trying to find a hint of sorrow in them, but nothing. Not even a little bit of dishonesty glimmered in her orbs. She let her head down, shaking it in the process.

“If you say so…” Carly went back to the common area and Y/N was left to sit alone again. She stared at the ceiling for a while and then at the walls. After a couple of minutes, that got pretty boring, so she just decided to leave. She didn’t need them to have fun. And she definitely didn't need to show them how bothered she was by her friends hanging out with people that didn't appreciate her.

It had been a week since her last encounter with Jeff and Y/N couldn't help but feel pretty good about avoiding any situations regarding him. She occupied herself with paperwork and her dog, Dax. Fully ignoring the fact that she felt a little lonely inside, she watched her friends’ Snapchat stories daily. The restaurant she was working at had not been that busy the last couple days, which lead to Y/N getting off early and left to spend even more time in her Apartment, alone, with Dax, of course.

Another week went by and to say the least, Y/N was bored. Her daily routines had consisted of eating, working, and sleeping. She had finished pretty much every series existent on Netflix and there was nothing else to do. She found herself sitting on her phone again. This time, almost envying the fun her friends had without her. But she couldn’t bring herself to text them. She needed to prove it to herself and them that she didn't care if they hung out with people she didn't want around. Mainly, she needed to convince herself, but that facade began to falter with every minute that went by.

A sudden knock on her door echoed through the room and Y/N got up quickly. Too excited that something was happening, she sprinted to the door and basically ripped it open. The handle rammed into the wall and left an evident hole, but Y/N didn’t care. 

“I’m done with your shit ass attitude!” Carly stormed into the apartment with heavy steps and came to a stop at the dining table. The confusion was clearly written over Y/N’s features as she watched her best friend stand in front of her with crossed arms. 

“What do you mean?”

Carly scoffed. An action she had perfected over the years she had known Y/N. “I will not stop hanging out with Jeff, just because you don't like him! Accept that for God’s sake!” Her chest was heaving and Y/N had not seen her friend this furious in a very long time.

The tension between them began to rise, but Y/N wouldn't break. “Well then you have a problem, because I will not ‘hang’ with the devil himsel-” But she was cut off by the blonde.

“Jeff. It’s Jeff! You know, you could actually say his name for once! He’s a human being just like everyone else. And it's not fair that you treat him like shit just because of his background. I didn't think that I was friends with a person that is so selfish and shallow that they would reject people based on the things that happened in the past. We all know what he did! And it's not like he is a killer or psychopath! Especially the people in our group of friends should be able to rely on each other and not be scared that there will be talking behind their back. Because you know what?! That’s exactly what happened with Trisha and now everyone hates her! Do you want that?! Then just say it because I need to know!” 

Her words were like a wake up call. One that hit deep in the gut and spread through the body in hives of pain until it reached the brain and it could actually register what had just been said. Y/N trained her eyes on the floor. If Carly put it that way, it did sound like Y/N had grown into a horrible person. A person, she most certainly didn't want to be. Not in her or anyone else’s eyes. It pained her to see, how wrecked her friend got by the thought of Y/N being like the person Carly had described seconds before.

“Y/N! Fuck! Say something! … God damn it, I need by best friend back and I need to know if she’s still here.”

With that, Y/N couldn't hold it anymore. A loud sob escaped her lungs and the tears followed soon after. 

“I’m so sorry, Carly.” , she sobbed as she tried to stop the tears from falling, “I’m so sorry, I’m a horrible person…”

Through blurry eyes Y/N could see her friend trying to prevent some tears from falling as well, but she kept quiet. Waiting for an explanation on her end. 

“I don’t hate him. I don't hate him for his past or his humor I don't hate him at all. God why is this so hard?!” Y/N kept wiping away the salty wetness on her cheeks and proceeded to talk. “I just thought that… if I told myself that I didn't like him, I would believe myself, eventually. I don't care if he went to jail or prison or whatever. I don't care at all… I just wanted to protect myself and I guess, I went a little too far…”

Silence. It was crushing and if silence had a sound in this second, it would have been something that would make your ears explode. Carly knew, what her best friend meant when she said ‘she wanted to protect herself’. It had been a secret between the two of them, but Y/N didn't exactly have the best relationships in the past. In fact, Y/N and her ex-boyfriends all ended on bad terms. And it had taken at least three month and about five pounds of ice cream or chocolate to make her leave the house again, every time. Y/N didn't seem like it, because of her sassy attitude, but she got attached too quickly and fell way too hard. Carly should have suspected it, seeing that Jeff checked pretty much all of the boxes Y/N’s ex’s did, too. She felt regret rushing through her for throwing those words at her, but she was fairly desperate herself, being without her best friend for over two weeks. They had both been too stubborn to text each other and now they saw what it did to them. They were both devastated and exhausted. It didn't do anyone any good if those two were not together at least once a day.

“You have to tell him.” Carly spoke after ten minutes of remaining silent.

This made Y/N snap her head up again. “I can’t! Not after everything, I have said to him!” Her eyes were wide in shock and she stepped closer to the blonde girl leaning on her table. “Besides, we both know that the last weeks were just foreshadowing of what would happen if Jeff and I would… “ She didn't speak any further, noticing that she had actually said his name out loud for the first time.

“Well, you have to at least say something to him! Apologize. Because whatever is happening right now, is just childish.” 

Carly was right. Y/N hated when her friend was right. And even though it was probably going to be more embarrassing than her fist time, she knew that she had to talk to Jeff.

Believing that nothing would change her mind about said man was probably a stupid thing to do. To say she was nervous to talk to somebody, she had spent the past year insulting, even more so. The whole time, she was so focused on his background and things magazines and haters wrote about him, she had never even considered to investigate further into his personality. Not that she had thought it was going to be any better than her assumptions, anyway. Though, she never had a friendly conversation with him, she had to admit that she had always been the one starting the snappy comments and he probably just followed along.

With that in mind, Y/N stood at a balck door with the number 703 printed on it in gold. How was she going to approach this? She didn't know, either. But she knew that she had to fix it somehow. Y/N wasn't a bad person after all and seeing that she had the opportunity to at least try and fix things, cleared her conscious a little. 

She knocked on the door gently, secretly praying that noone was home and she could just push this event to another day, but her hopes were shattered after a few seconds. The door opened and behind it was the man himself. Shirtless, of course. He had a toothbrush in his right hand and was holding the door open with the other. The light from the window behind him made his body glow in a sunrise-orange tone and Y/N had to scold herself for comparing him to an image of Adonis right there. His questioning facial expression changed to a cocky one as soon as he registered who had been interrupting his morning routine on this day and he moved his body to the side to motion for her to come in. Y/N followed his demands, inspecting his home. Even though she had known him for several months now, she had never even seen his apartment complex before. And looking at the plane walls surrounding rooms that were provided with a minimum of furniture, she decided that she had not missed out on anything. It was the typical man cave. With its lack of decoration and the fminine touch that made every home a home, it appeared rather unwelcoming and cool to her. 

Jeff returned from the bathroom without the toothbrush and went to the fridge to get some water. 

“What did I earn your company with on this fine morning?” Jeff cocked an eyebrow at the woman standing in his living room. It was pretty relaxing that she had not started this morning with an argument and Jeff didn't know it yet, but Y/N was about to surprise him for the second time today.

With that, Y/N turned to him and took his body in one more time before shrugging her shoulders and continuing to look around his apartment. The apology she had planned was weighing on her chest, but now that she was actually standing here with him, alone, she didn't know if ‘I like your shirt’ was the best entry into this conversation. Apart from the fact that he was not even wearing a shirt, it was the best Y/N had come up with for an icebreaker. 

She noticed some dog toys on the floor and decided to settle with that for the start.

“I Have a dog, too.” Y/N motioned to the water bowl next to her and forced a smile on her face to try and hide the humiliation that spilled over her in a giant wave.

Jeff looked into her eyes intently and answered with a frozen expression. “Yeah mine died last week.”

“Oh.” ‘I like your shirt’ suddenly seemd a lot less stupid. Y/N escaped a nervous laugh as she tried to come up with something to say, but Jeff just chuckled after noticing her puzzled expression.

“Just kidding, Nerf’s at the groomers.” A rush of adrenaline filled Y/N veins by those words. He was a dick, but she had to get this over with, somehow. Otherwise, Carly would whoop her ass and send her back to his door, right after and Y/n was not planning on this event to happen.

“Why don't you just tell me something you hate about this place and we take our separate path’s again?” Jeff was serious. He couldn't figure out, why she was here, or what she could possibly want from him, other than a battle of words, he would win anyways. So when Y/N fell silent again, he couldn't help but wonder if this was about something bigger than just another snarky comment.

“No.” Y/N looked away. Too big was the embarrassment she would face in the next minutes, if she was really going through with her plan of apologizing.

They had come so far already, not being caught up in an argument about something inconsequential for the whole time they were in his apartment and jeff could sense the conflict in her mind from a mile away. He was a pretty good liar himself and that subconsciously helped him to read people fairly well.

“How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?” A smirk snugg onto his face, again while he approached her from behind, trying to turn her focus to him.

Y/N had shivers running down her spine with those words. There was no denying, anymore. Jeff was an attractive man, but the fact that he knew it, gave her enough reason to not let him know how she felt about him. It was tough, and seeing that he had a dog, left her wondering if there weren't many more things they had in common. 

She turned around and stared up at him. Jeff was dangerously close to her, but Y/N did not attempt to increase the distance between them. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but the things she would say next were uncomfortable, too. Where was the point in changing anything about their current situation when she knew that it only got worse from here on? Exactly, there was none.

“What I’ve been meaning to say is that… I’m sorry. I have been mean to your for the sake of keeping you off my mind and it didn't even work. I just started beef with you, because I was scared. I was scared to face the fact that you are a pretty nice guy and on top of that someone I could actually fall for. You have been nothing but nice to all of my friends and even me. That is, until I started to open my stupid mouth. I’m incredibly sorry, Jeff. I hope you know that everything I said to you was not to be taken seriously. And that I’m not mad at you for the things you said to me. I honestly think, I deserve for those to be tattooed on my forehead for my shitty behavior. I’m… ugh… I’m just sorry and I hope that we can start over. I would love to be your friend if you want that, too. Though, I would understand if you don’t. I’m sorry, I truly am.”

That was a much needed release of pressure, which was crushing Y/N’s soul with every second she had to hold it in. The hardest part was over. Now, she just had to deal with the consequences. And those were something Y/N surely did not expect.

“Can I kiss you?”, was all he said as he searched for her eyes in the glimmer of the morning sun rising outside his windows.

 A shocked expression covered her face. She had just overcome the most embarrassing thing she could imagine and Jeff had totally ignored her. Rude.

“What?”

Jeff chuckled. “It's just, what you just said was pretty hot and I would just like to kiss you right now.”

Noone had ever initiated a kiss this casually and Y/N didn't care anymore at this point. She knew that the second Carly had told her to talk to Jeff, her mission of protecting herself from him and the eventual heartbreak, would be cancelled. And she was a 100% right.

“I guess I have a thing for people apologizing. Especially if they are as pretty as you.” Y/N shivered. That was, in a weird way, the sweetest thing she had heard in a long time and she couldn't help but nod her head ‘yes’.

Jeff didn't hesitate for another second. Too strong was the longing he had felt for her from the second she introduced herself to him months ago. He pushed his lips against hers, forcing her to stand on her tippy toes and locking her hands on his shoulders for support. They shared a closed mouth kiss for a couple of seconds before Jeff grabbed the back of her head with one hand. The other sneaking down her spine and stopping at the small of her back to push her even closer to him. A small whimper escaped Y/N’s lips and Jeff took that opportunity to slide his tongue in her mouth to french kiss. He explored her mouth, not leaving one corner untouched or unappreciated. Jeff was good at it. He was so good at it that Y/N just let herself fall into the kiss and let him take the lead, not even ringing his tongue for dominance. After a couple of seconds, she snuck her hands up his neck and buried her fingers into the buzzed hair on the back of his head. The stubbles tingled her skin and she just melted farther into his body. 

They broke apart after what felt like hours. Both panting, they looked at each other still wrapped into one another. There was a comfortable silence and tension between the two of them that was buzzing in their heads like electricity.

“You know, I always liked you, Y/N. I knew you would drop your act, eventually and just be mine.” Jeff grinned down to her, knowing he had finally won her over.

“Keep up that attitude and I can't promise anything.” Y/N smiled, too. She was willing to see where this was going, but for now she would just live in the moment and enjoy the time, in which no one gave her a reason to worry about anything. Especially not Jeff.

[pulpwriterx]

BEN SOLO ALL THESE YEARS

Rey decided to stay on Tattoine.

The desert, after all, was her home.

Poe went back into the spice business, and even branched out to include good booze and cigarillos.

Finn joined him in yo ho, you ho,  a pirate's life for me.

And in their business?

They needed a good scavenger.

A year or  so went by.

Finn and Poe bought themselves a posh bachelor pad in Anchorhead, but Rey preferred solitude.

She knew that that both of them would have been willing to give her a shoulder to cry on, and the benefit of a man's company.

But after the way Ben died in her arms, Rey wasn’t ready to hold a man, again.

The old Skywalker farm didn’t look like it, but it was a nice place to live.

It had been Ben’s home, after all. 

He had left the outside looking run down and desolate, like no one lived there, but past the blighted door in the dusty courtayrd, it was a different story.

Typical Ben.

When you took off his mask, he had another mask on beneath that, and beneath that was a big story, a tall tale, and a pack of ever-evolving half-truths and outright lies.

He had restored the old farm, on the inside, and underneath, where the farming equipment and tanks had been, he kept a smuggler’s treasure trove.

Tunnels filled with all kinds of swag, from booze and cigarillos to old Rebel Alliance and Imperial Uniforms, and less innocent cargo like crates of blasters and pallets of coaxium.

There was also five years of food and supplies, and one of the tanks had even been converted into a vault. It was full of credits, black molded chests of Imperial gold coins, money from all over the Galaxy.

Ben had left the farm, and all it’s contents to Rey Skywalker.

He had also left the Millenium Falcon to Rey, but she hadn’t the heart to fly the ship she loved so much.

With both Ben and Han Solo dead, neither with a final resting place?

The ship was like their tomb.

The Falcon, and Ben’s secret refuge, with it’s hidden treasures; they were all, in some strange way, his legacy.

When Rey wasn’t whizzing around the stars with her friends, she led a peaceful, solitary life as the guardian of the legacy of the family that gave all for the peace that finally broke out in the Galaxy.

Besides, she wasn’t wholly alone.

Poe always let BB8 go with her, to keep tabs on her, and Threepio and Artoo were glad to finally get to go home.

It was a special place for her.

In the two years between when she and Ben killed Snoke, and when they killed the Emperor?

They used to meet at the Skywalker Farm.

Their bonds remained unbroken, even after she had rejected his offer to join him,  and they had grown closer, not just through the talks, and the laughing, and the stories, most of which were lies.

Yelling.

Pointing fingers.

Sneering.

Cursing.

Stamping feet.

Breaking things.

Throwing shit about.

Lightsaber duels.

Even the bad times, even the shit times were precious to her, now.

Rey would sit, quietly, watching the twin suns, and think about the past.

Like the time they had a horrible fight through their bond, and called each other vicious names, and threw things at each other, and smashed up their own gear, in a rage.

But then Ben had said.

“I need to see you in person, Rey.”

“Why? What can we do in person that we can’t do through our little talks?”

“We can make love. Don’t you want to? I do.”

“There is nothing like love between us, Kylo Ren!”

Ben had given her the Solo shrug.

“Then we can fuck. I'd rather fuck. I was just trying to be chivalrous.”

And somewhere in their laughter, they had agreed to meet at the Skywalker farm, on Tattoine.

Rey had no idea that Ben had a home, and it became their refuge.

Rey would lie there, in Ben's big, brass bed, and close her eyes and think about when he was there, beside her.

Those stolen days and nights where they would laugh, and fight, and screw, and cuddle under the fur blanket in the cold desert night and plan for a future they both knew would never happen.

Sometimes, she could almost feel his big body, lying there beside her, and she could smell his scent.

Hear his voice.

Feel the way her little body had moved under his big, strong hands.

Of course she would also lie there and think about their lovemaking and take care of her business.

She could have had Finn, or Poe, but Ben was like an animal, like a man in the state of nature; he had been born without shame, and he had unchained a passion in her that Rey had never known she possessed.

Not that she had been a prude, but her interest in men, and her occasional dealings with them had been, well, ordinary.

Now who the hell would she find to satisfy the unchained, shameless desire that Kylo Ren Ben Solo had awakened in her?

Rey often cried, bitter tears.

But that was life.

Love is death, life is pain, and somehow you muddle through.

***

In the second year since Ben died, Rey was walking down a busy street in Anchorhead when she saw Chewie.

They hugged, and Rey was truly happy.

She took him to Poe and Finn's and they tried to get information out of him, but Chewie would only say he was working.

As he left, he asked Rey a very honest question.

“Are you happy?”

“I am content, Chewie. I have friends, work, a place to live, enough money, and I have peace.”

“But are you happy?”

“No. Happiness died with Ben. A lot of things died for me, with Ben. Love. Hope. Any interest I had in men, poor Poe, and poor Finn. But I still have life. And I can still enjoying being content with it.”

***

A few nights later, Rey had a dream about Ben.

It was a wild, sweaty, deeply pornographic wet dream that she woke up from in the throes of the kind of an orgasm women could only have in their dreams.

Or, if they were lucky, with bad men like Ben Solo.

She sat up, throwing the blanket off.

“Rey.”

Rey's heart sang an aria.

“Ben! You found your way back? When will I be able to see you?”

But there was no reply.

Leading her to believe, alas, it had only been a beautiful dream.

***

When he had come to Oneness with the Force, Ben Solo found trouble in Paradise.

Master Yoda thought he was ready for the next step.

Master Obi Wan argued that he was too young, and had resolved none of the conflict that had brought him to ruin.

Master Anakin was more direct.

“Though a man, he is still a child. And his life has been suffering and tragedy. He is young, he has found love, and we should not cheat him of the life he has fought so hard to win. Send him back. Let him be Ben Solo, and live his life. He has many years to find the New Path.”

Ben tried to speak, to say what he wanted,  but found he could not.

“Young though he is, yes, but what life for him? Redeemed from Kylo Ren in our eyes. But what of the material world? If return he does, atone he must. But a bullseye on his back there will be!” Yoda insisted.

“That is a problem, Anakin.” Obi –Wan agreed.

“Then we will send my grandson back without healing his body. It will be broken. He will atone with his suffering.  We will send him to a distant planet to make his recovery, alone. Dependant on the charity of strangers he once oppressed.  Then let him make his way to more familiar planets, back to his identity and his home.” Anakin suggested.

“That sounds reasonable. We will give my namesake a test. But, Kylo Ren is dead. Ben Solo should not have to pay for his crimes. Then we will make it so the memory of his mask is preserved in the minds of all. But not his face. “ Obi-Wan suggested.

The others agreed.

“Speak now you may, young Skywalker. Until you find your way back, Skywalker shall you be called. Well? Back do you wish to go?” Yoda asked.

“Yes, Master Yoda. Back I wish to go.”

“Humor you have. Need it, you will.”

“But will I have to endure doctors? Needles?”

“Fear in your face, I see? Tortured you were, young Skywalker? Then your fear you must overcome.  Back you still wish to go?”

“Yes, Master Yoda. I will face my fear.”

“And Ben? No cheating? If your women, strong in the Force as they are, happen to find you? Or your family? We won’t keep them away. But if you call to them? You forfeit this chance.” Anakin told him.

“Wrong that is! In his sleep, will young Skywalker’s soul cry for help! No. Also must we use the Force to interrupt his bond. Until his test is finished. Though he will call? No answer will we allow to come.” Yoda decided.

“I agree. Only by doing the evil that Kylo Ren might have done will you forfeit your chance. Good luck, Ben.” Obi-Wan said

“I have always been with you, my grandson. If you need my strength during your trial? I will answer your call.” Anakin assured Ben

Then, Ben  fell into something like sleep.

***

He had a horrible dream, of waking up bloody and bruised on collapsing Exegol, limping or crawling out of the cave he was in, and then escaping in the still flyable remains of a crashed X-Wing

He woke up in a bacta tank, and panic seized him.

He started banging on the glass walls, screaming through the breather in his mouth.

The noise brought a Rodian in a white coat.

“Hey! Hey Dan, the big guy is awake! By the Force, he looks terrified.”

A guy his age with a moustache rushed into the room.

“Then let’s get him out. It’s OK, big fella. You’re safe. You’re in a Resistance hospital. There’s no more First Order. Nobody’s going to hurt you, here. Hurry up, Needo, help me, before he cracks the tank!”

The machine Ben was suspended from pulled him out, and he ripped all the wires off of his body, and crashed to the ground.

“No! No doctors! Get away from me!” he shouted.

Reduced to crawling away.

But there was nowhere to go.

“Its OK. There’s no torture droids here. You don’t have to get any injections. We're not going to bring you to the point of death, then put you in a bacta tank to fix you up, and then do it again.”

“You know about that?”

“The Empire did it to me the first time. I have a scar like the one on your other leg. But mine is only a few inches long. You must have really suffered.” The grey haired man said.

“I did. Where am I? Who are you? How much longer will this plexi-cast be on?”

The Rodian came with a long orange smock with the Resistance symbol on it, folded on a wheelchair.

“I’m Dan Antilles. I’m your doctor. You crash landed here, on Hoth. And you need another three weeks with that cast. Let me help you up. Now you might want to put this smock on, big fella. This is the size we usually use for Wookies.”

The Rodian helped Ben put the smock on.

It had long sleeves and it was fleecy and soft on the inside.

“I know you want crutches, but the break in your femur was bad. So, if you like being in the shape you’re in, and you want that leg to hold you up, later? Wheelchair. Nobody has to push you if you’d rather wheel yourself.”

Ben sat in the wheelchair, lifting his leg onto the platform for it.

“I can wheel myself.” He said.

“Good. I’ll show you around the place, and back to your bed.”

“Do you have a name, Big Guy?’

“Ben. Ben Skywalker.”

“Are you a Skywalker from Tattoine or a Skywalker from Arkanis?”

“Both. My grandfather was from Arkanis. His father died, and his mother became an indentured servant on Tattoine. We’re free, now, though.”

“Yeah, my family are from Corellia, but most of by father’s war buddies were from the Outer Rim. Tattoine, mostly. OK, Ben. It’s good to have you back. You scared us a little; we thought you might leave.”

“Me too.”

 ***

Snow.

Watching it snow.

Lying propped up on pillows, leaning against the wall, last cot on the ward.

A cot with a big “W” on it.

For Wookiee.

Techanically, Ben was a Wookiee, when Chewie became his godfather, he was adopted into Chewie’s clan.

Ben was thinking about Kashyyyk, actually, while watching it snow.

Thinking about how he might still be welcome, with Uncle Chewie.

Trying to get his spoon under the cast, to scratch his leg.

Watching it snow.

Blanket up to his chin, one knee up.

“...so, what happened was, there was like, a reason why Ben Solo killed Kylo Ren. More than just, you know, the war. Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, they were at the Jedi Temple together. They were friends. But they had a lightsaber fight over either the Force or a girl. I hear different things. And that's’ why Kylo Ren wore the mask because Ben Solo cut his nose off and scarred up his face...”

“Zak, can you stop talking about men? Why do you think I have my blanket pulled up?”

“You thinking about your nurse?”

“Can you stop talking to me? Forget it.”

“Sorry, Ben.”

“It’s not your fault, Zak. It’s this place.”

He looked out the window again.

Snow.

Snow.

Snow.

“I think about your nurse, too. She’s a big girl. She has to be six feet tall. And, like 200. But it’s in all the right places. And she’s a Twi’lek.” Zak said

“I’d like to jump into that girl and drown. Why isn’t she your nurse?” Ben asked

Zak shrugged.

Ben heaved himself off his cot and into his wheelchair.

“Well, I think I’ll go try to take a piss without pissing all over myself.”

“Good luck, man.”

***

The days bled into each other.

Ben finally looked inside the chest, under his bed, on the ward.

In the chest was his lost lightsaber, the blaster Uncle Lando had given him, his blaster belt, his lucky Sabacc dice, a couple of pair of coveralls, his boots, an X-Wing helmet, a money belt for under your clothes that had 500 credits in it, and a mess kit.

The X-Wing helmet had a number on it.

His Uncle’s.

“Humor you have. Need it, you will.” Ben muttered.

The plexi cast on his left leg came all the way up to his balls, and his leg always itched like it was on fire.

Meanwhile, no one asked him if he was related to  the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker.

When two weeks, and then two more passed and no celebrated persons came to claim him, people assumed that he was some distant relation.

They didn’t release him until after the cast came off, in another week.

Nobody had come for him, and he didn’t call for anyone, so he just left on his own, on a transport with hundreds of other displaced men and women with nowhere special to go.

***

The tiniest hint of a fly in the Force Ghosts’ ointment came around the time that Ben was leaving the Resistance Hospital.

General Leia-Organa Solo, also Senator Leia Organa-Solo, returned to her office on Coruscant as Senate staffers were packing up her things.

One boy almost dropped a picture of her, and Han, and Ben, and Leia caught it.

“Don’t look so frightened. I’m not a ghost.”

“But you’re dead, Senator?”

“I’m a Skywalker. We don’t just die, like other people. We have many deaths and many births, and live many lives inbetween? Less philosophically? I have too much to do to die just now. Maybe in another forty years, or so.”

The next day, after her first appearance in the Second Republic Senate, to announce that she was running for Prime Minister, Leia had an unscheduled visit in her office from Wedge Antilles.

“This had better be really important, Wedge.”

“I think it is. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I was talking to my son, last night. He saw your broadcast and it made him think of a patient of his. A man his own age that hasn’t been far from his mind. A big guy, about two meters, nearly six and a half feet tall. Long dark hair. Dark eyes. Had lots of battle scars. This kid landed a burning X-Wing on Hoth, came out of it with his flight suit in shreds, dragging a broken leg, raving about Exegol, killing them all, and finally being a free man. Spent three weeks in a Bacta tank, recovering from a whole slew of injuries, and another three weeks in a cast up to his nuts. The patient said his name was Ben Skywalker, that his father was a Corellian starpilot and his grandfather was a Skywalker from Arkanis who grew up on Tattoine. As soon as the cast came off, Ben Skywalker got on a transport with a bunch of other kids with nowhere to go and no one to see, and left the planet. And it wasn’t until Dan saw your broadcast that he made the connection, and called me about it. Does that sound like anybody you know, Leia?”

“It does. I’ve been sitting here all day, full of blind, stupid hope. Thinking that if I’m alive, then Ben might be, too. Waiting for that call.”

“Who the hell else would it be?”

“I don’t know, Wedge. But it sounds like he’s running.”

“You need help chasing him?”

“All I can get. We need to find this Ben Skywalker. But if he is my Ben? What the hell do we do, then? Poe Dameron and Rey spread it all over the Galaxy that Ben Solo fought and killed Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren, and then he died and became One With the Force. And the smart little bastard wore a mask, most of the time.”

“Let it go, Leia. Any way you slice the pie? Kylo Ren is dead. If Ben Solo isn’t? Give him a chance. He killed Snoke. And the Knights of Ren.  He saved Rey. He saved you. And he helped Rey kill Palpatine. I think he deserves it.”

“Well, Chewie will be happy. I’ll talk to him, first.”

***

As soon as the transport landed, Ben began his wandering.

At first he figured it as a kind of  penance, for his many crimes.

He stopped wearing shoes, or cutting his hair and beard, and all he wore was a black hooded robe, closed with a belt from which hung a metal bowl and cup, a holstered knife, and his lightsaber.

At first Ben just begged, and wandered, changing his robes for coveralls and working on freighters for his passage from planet to planet.

But as time went on, he slipped into a lonely madness.

He took to standing on streetcorners and preaching about the evils of the old world.

“Stop and look at me! I am the mistakes of the past! My mother’s brother tried to murder me, and I murdered my father in turn! With these hands! These hands! This creature you see before you was once a man! Envied by Men, desired by Women! Who desires this creature, now? Who envies this wretch, now? Who?”

By this time a small crowd would have gathered around the very tall, very gaunt man, with wild eyes and a booming deep voice inside a nest of black hair and black beard.

“It was not the Force that did this to me! No, it was the order than we tried, for centuries to put on it. Dividing it, and ourselves into Dark and Light. Jedi and Sith. Empire and Republic. First Order and Resistance. It was this blasphemy against the balance and unity of the Force that brought our Galaxy into three generations of interplanetary war! And this Second New Republic is built on the truth! The truth there is no Dark, or Light. Jedi, or Sith. Only the Force, United. As it lives in all of us, and everything! As we find the balance, within ourselves, in accordance with our form and our nature. But I know there are those that preach the old heresies. When you hear them, think upon me!”

That’s when he would unbuckle his belt and take off his robe, showing them all his scarred, gaunt, filthy body.

Ben had even made the scar of the wound that Rey healed in the ruins iof the Death Star appear in his flesh.

“Stop and look at me! I am the mistakes of the past! My mother’s brother tried to murder me, and I murdered my father in turn! With these hands! These hands! This creature you see before you was once a man! Envied by men, desired by Women! Who desires this creature, now? Who envies this wretch, now? Who? Look on me and know it is time for old things to go. You must let the past die! Kill it, if you have to! Look upon me, and remember my words.”

Sometimes they would throw money in his bowl, sometimes throw things at him.

He hoped that a crowd would martyr him, but no one ever took him seriously enough to kill him.

He slept in alleys and doorways, stowed away on ships, and felt less than human.

Ben’s will to live left him as his madness spiralled out of control. He hardly ate and hardly slept, and his starving body devoured fifty pounds of his flesh, leaving him wiry, rawboned and gaunt.

He hardly felt human, or even humanoid, anymore, because  he was hairy, and smelly, and filthy, and he scavenged through garbage to eat,  like some wild animal.

At the end of a year, he ended up on Tattoine, intending to make a grand end to it.

He would give his sermon, throw off his robes and slit his wrists and his throat with a dirty piece of glass from the street.

But another vagrant warned him that the city fathers of Anchorhead had recently hired a former First Order officer as their chief of police, and although the new Chief understood smugglers were the lifeblood of Anchorhead, he was cracking down on street crime, con men, muggers, preachers, pushers, unregistered whores, and so on.

Ben quietly wished his former comrade well, and gave up the ghost.

But life clung, annoyingly to his skeletal frame.

He lay in the same doorway for three days, and three nights, and on the third night he knew that he was near death.

“Ben.”

He saw  a bluish light in the cold, dark desert night, and rolled his eyes upward.

The face he looked into was very much like his own.

If not for the fair hair and light eyes, it might have been his face.

Ben knew his rescuer, immediately.

“Grandfather. Have you come to take me home?”

“No, Ben. I have come to comfort you, in your suffering. I understand suffering. I understand the peace that comes from enduring suffering, and triumphing over it. But I want you to live. You have suffered enough. I release you from the restraints that we have put on your bond with Rey Skywalker. Call for help. I will wait with you, until she comes. Rey will take you home.”

***

“Rey. Rey, I need you.”

Rey sat up in the dark, and knew this was no dream.

She saw and heard Ben; she saw him through their bond.

But what she saw and heard was horrible.

His face was drawn and filthy, and the hand that reached to her looked skeletal.

He was swathed in a filthy robe, lying in a dirty doorway, in a back street of Anchorhead.

“I see you, Ben. I hear you.”

“Help me, Rey. I want to come home.”

Rey jumped out of bed and threw on her clothes.

“I’m coming, Ben. Wait for me. Don’t leave me, again!”

*** 

Rey stopped her speeder by the dirty doorway and was surprised to see the tall, broad-shouldered hulking Force ghost of Anakin Skywalker.

Gently, he picked up his broken, emaciated grandson, and carried him to the speeder.

“Master Anakin!” Rey gasped.

She watched him wrap Ben in the blanket she had brought, and gently lay him in the back seat of the speeder

“Take my grandson home. And don’t let him out of your sight until he’s well, again.”

“But I don’t know anything about healing! I don’t know who to call! I don’t know what to do! Someone has to help us!”

“There’s an old man living in my friend Ben Kenobi’s old shack. He claims to be a Jedi Healer. I will go there, now, and send him along to the Skywalker Farm. I am sure that he will be able to help you.”

Anakin Skywalker walked off towards the moonlit desert, and dissappeared into a little whirly of wind-driven sand..

***

Rey sped home, in a hurry.

Threepio helped her to carry what was left of Ben Solo into the house.

“Shouldn’t Master Ben have a doctor?”

“No, Threepio! No doctor! No medical droid! No bacta tank! No needle!”

Ben was terrified, but it was the first time he had spoken.

Rey was glad that he was alive enough to speak

“Alright, Master Ben. No doctor. Master Rey, what about the man in the kitchen.”

“He’s not a doctor. Master Ben hates doctors. Don’t talk about doctors! Help me get Master Ben into the bathroom, and tell that man to start doing...whatever it is he’s going to do. Have Artoo heat up some batha broth for Master Ben. Then you and Artoo go back to the shed. It’s too much for you.”

Rey slammed the door on the dithering droid, and went through the bedroom and back into the bathroom.

Ben had managed  to get his robe off and get into the bathtub.

He was covered in bruises and scratches, and you could see his ribs and his hipbones.

What was visible of his face out of the rat’s nest of tangled hair and beard was suffused with all the misery the human race had ever endured.

Rey turned the water on.

“Let me die, Rey. Now that I’m home. I don’t want to live.”

“I want you to live, Ben. This is my miracle, not yours.”

“Grandfather wants me to live. Do you? Really?”

“Yes, Ben, I do! I love you!”

“Then maybe I will live a little longer.”

He lay quietly in the warm water as she scrubbed the dirt off of him, and didn’t protest even though she had to wash his hair and comb the tangles and rats out with oil  several times, and then wash it, again.

It was either that or shave his head.

One of the Skywalkers had left his straight razor there, and Rey had polished it and sharpened it; why she wasn’t sure, but now she carefully shaved the filthy, matted beard away from Ben's gaunt face.

“Don’t shave it all. Kylo Ren didn’t wear a beard.” Ben told her.

It was the only thing he said, but his sad eyes watched her movements.

She helped him get out of the tub, and dried him.

“Thank you.” Ben said.

Ben leaned heavily on her as they made there way into the bedroom; he was still much larger and heavier than her.

But Rey didn’t complain.

She propped him up with pillows, and fed him sips of milk and sips of broth.

“Glass.” He said.

She handed him the glass of milk, and he gulped it down.

“Don’t, Ben, you'll get sick!”

He reached for the bowl, and sniffed it, like a dog, then put it back down.

“No. Meat.”

“You’ll get sick!”

Ben slammed his fist angrily on the nightstand.

“I’M DYING! MEAT, GODDAMN IT, GIVE ME MEAT!”

Bellowing  like an angry Wookiee.

A Wookiee.

Chewbacca was Ben's godfather; he had been adopted into Chewie’s tribe, and had a Wookie name.

Kallaurra.

Angry Wild Warrior.

But she didn’t know where Chewie was and Han and Leia were dead.

“Alright, Ben. Your Uncle Chewie taught me how to make a Wookiee stew. I’ll fix you some meat.”

Rey went out into the kitchen.

She felt helpless and alone.

I don’t know him. I don’t know him, at all.

Rey closed her eyes.

And she called to Master Leia.

As usual, there was no response.

Then she called to Master Luke.

“I’m right here. I told Ben Kenobi, and Master Yoda. Make sure Ben is with Rey. Father agreed with me. They didn’t listen.”

Rey opened her eyes.

Master Luke was sitting at the table.

“No matter where I go? I always seem to end up, right back here. On Tattoine. Now I’m here in the same house.”

“You’re the JedI Healer? When did you come back?”

“Right after I thought I died on Ahch-To. I got the same treatment Ben did. It wasn’t my time. I wasn’t ready. Next thing I knew, I was alive and well, and back on Tattoine. In Ben Kenobi’s hut.”

“I wish I would have known you were so close by.”

“I wish I would have told you.”

“Master Luke, did you ever take care of someone in Ben’s condition?”

“I don’t know what Ben’s condition is.”

Rey explained.

“I have seen men as sick as Ben, and I’ve tried to heal them. Some get better, Rey, and some don’t. They have to want to live. But I’ll do everything I can for Ben. Before I founded the new Jedi Temple,  I studied Jedi healing. I wanted to save lives to atone for the hundreds of thousands I had taken. And I have taken care of Ben when he’s sick.  And I also know how to get him to take medicine. You make something he likes and put it in his food.”

“But we don’t have any medicine.”

“I brought some.”

Master Luke reached into his pocket and got a white cylinder, which he put in Rey’s hands.

She opened it.

It was full of capsules.

“What are they?”

“No. The green capsules are vitamin pills. The orange ones are bacta. Just pop them open and put them in the stew I’m going to show you how to make. It’s a Wookiee recipe that Ben likes. Chewie showed me how to make it.”

Master Luke made a stew with bantha broth, vegetables, a whole nerf tenderloin, and potatoes.

He showed her also how much of the pills to put in.

“Don’t let him gobble it. Feed him a spoonful or two, and wait a half hour, to see if it makes Ben sick. If not. Let him eat the whole bowl. Don’t give him any more tonight. If he’s not sick, tonight, he can have three of these big serving bowls, tomorrow. It’s not too much. Ben’s almost the size of a Wookie, so he eats like one. If his stomach is still alright, tomorrow, then he had have some bread, too. And don’t give him anything to drink but blue milk. If his stomach gets upset, crack one of these purple capsules into some blue milk, and get him to drink it. Make some more of the stew after this pot runs out. After a week, Ben should be able to eat normally. Don’t expect him to gain weight all at once. And don’t overfeed him. The bacta and vitamins should make him well in about a week. But it might take a couple of months before he gains his weight back.”

“REY! WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD! MEAT! DYING!” Ben roared.

“Is that a good sign?” Rey asked.

“I think so.  Don’t tell Ben I was here. We’re still not on speaking terms.  I’ll come back to check on him, another day. Oh, and one more thing. As soon as he feels better, he’s going to want to make up for the time you two were apart. That’s not going to happen for him, with his body in the state it’s in. Tell him to be patient. When he’s healed and gained some weight? I’m sure everything will straighten right out.”

“I wish Ben had a Jedi healer to stay with him, tonight.”

“He has one. You are a Jedi. And you have healed him, before. But be careful, Rey. Ben’s life force is at a low ebb, and he’s very sick. You can try to ease his pain, but don’t try to heal him, entirely. It would drain too much life out of you.”

Master Luke got up.

“This is the no fun part, Rey. Ben needs you, now.”

“I don’t mind at all, Master Luke. Ben is alive. I still feel better than I have for a long time. I have hope.”

“That’s good, Rey.”

Luke stood up, as if to go

“Uncle Luke? I know you’re there. I feel your presence.” Ben called out

They both froze.

“I’m sick, Uncle Luke. Are you a Force Ghost, or are you the Jedi Healer that Grandfather was going to get to come here and help me?”

“I’m the old hermit down the road, Ben. Do you want me to come to your room? I know we didn’t part on good terms. But Rey’s nervous about being alone with you, tonight.”

“Would you mind staying with me, Uncle Luke? Everybody else is dead.”

“I don’t mind at all, Ben. I’ll stay here as long as you want me to. I remember where my room is.”

 ***

As Master Luke had suspected, Ben wanted to gobble the food.

His instinct to live and his hunger had overwhelmed his will to destroy himself.

“No, Ben.” Master Luke said.

More patiently than Rey would have, as he moved the bowl away.

Ben tried to grab at it.

“No means no. Don’t get grabby with me.”

“But I’m hungry!”

“You can’t gobble the food up, Ben. You’ll be sick, and that might kill you!” Rey told Ben.

It was a very long half hour.

Ben kept trying to get the bowl, and Master Luke gave it to her and she had to move away from the bed.

He cried.

“Don’t cry, Ben. If you feel alright, you can have the whole bowl, soon. And another glass of blue milk.” Rey assured him.

“I’m hungry! I’m fucking hungry, and I’m  too weak to get out of bed and take it! Where’s my mother, Uncle Luke? Why won’t she talk to me?” he sobbed.

“Your mother is...always with you, Ben. And you’ll get better. Rey and  I will make sure.”

The half-hour passed and Luke gave Ben the whole bowl of food, and a glass of blue milk.

“Eat slowly, kid. You start gobbling, and I’ll take the bowl away.”

As he ate, slowly, for once, Ben told them what he had done for the past year.

“Why?” Rey asked.

“Rey! Don’t ask why. Ben is suffering. He doesn’t need a reason.” Luke told her.

“I have one. I was asleep in a bunkhouse, with a bunch of other men on this freighter. And I realized that killing Snoke, and his troopers, and all his toadying fucking followers I killed on my way to slaughter the Emperor didn’t make up for killing my father. Sure, Snoke influenced me. Told me to do it. But I had a choice. And I chose to kill him. I killed my father. Whenever anyone would say that to me, that killed my father? I would just think, no, Snoke made me do it. But I did it. I did. I killed my father. I loved him more than anybody in the world, even though he was kind of a shitty father, and sometimes I hated him for it. And I killed him. In such a way that he doesn’t even have a grave. When I realized all of that? It broke my mind.”

Ben snapped the wooden spoon in half.

“Just like that.”

He handed Rey the bowl and the empty glass.

Luke took the spoon, and put both halves in his hand, and closed his palm.

When he opened it, the spoon wasn’t broken.

“Your mind will heal, Ben. Just like this And before this year is out? You will see Han and Leia again. I don’t know how. But I know you will.”

“I did see Dad. He forgave me. I just can’t forgive me.”

“Ben, you saved me. You saved the Galaxy. Without you I could never have defeated the Emperor. You’re a hero. Han is proud of you. So is Master Leia. Stop torturing yourself.” Rey begged.

“Ben, you said it was time to let old things go.You’re not taking your own advice.  This is how the Sith broke you. You don’t have to break yourself. You’re free. You won.” Luke told him.

“I’m tired. I think I need to go to sleep. I had better try to get to the bathroom, first. Rey already has to take care of me like I’m a baby. I don’t want to piss the bed like one.”

Ben managed to totter into the bathroom.

Rey wanted to hover over him, but she knew he was humiliated that she was seeing him like this, at all.

She waited.

He made his way slowly back to the bed and lay down.

“I’m going to go, now Ben.To my old room.  I’ll be back when you wake up  to see how you are.” Luke told him.

He put his hand on Ben’s forehead.

“Sleep, now. And have good dreams.”

Ben fell asleep.

Rey walked back to the door with her Master.

“Will he die in his sleep, Master Luke?”

“No. Sleep will heal him. We’ll let him sleep as long as he wants to. I think I’ll go say hello to my droids. Let them know that they’ll be coming with me, when I go home. I could use the company. And you have Ben, now.”

“They’re your droids, Master Luke.”

Master Luke opened the door and walked out into the courtyard, and beyond.

She watched him, retreating into the setting suns, heading for the old shed.

He wanted to help Ben, but also?

He was glad to be home, in spite of himself.

Rey understood.

***

She went back to the bedroom.

Rey got undressed and got into bed with Ben.

She pulled up all the covers, so he would be warm.

He woke up, for a moment.

“I haven’t slept in a bed since I left that freighter. And I haven’t slept in my bed, here, for what seems like an age. I think I might sleep for a long time.”

“As long as you need to, Ben. I’ll be here.”

Rey stayed awake until he was asleep, and for a hour afterward, making sure he was just asleep.

But then she fell asleep, too.

 ***

Ben slept all through the way through another day, until the morning after that day.

Rey kept checking on him, and so did Master Luke,  but he moved around in his sleep, and he snored, and once he got up and drank some water, so she knew he was just sleeping.

That morning he walked stiffly into the kitchen, dressed in a baggy cream tunic and brown trousers.

He had a cloth belt wrapped many times around the waist so that the clothes, although they were the right lengths for him, didn’t fall off him.

“Ben, those are my father’s clothes.”

“I know. They were still here, when I came here. I wear them, all the time. The desert preserves things.”

He had bathed, and dressed but he hadn’t shaved.

“I’m growing a goatee. To distinguish Ben Solo from Kylo Ren.”

“Everyone knows that Ben Solo killed Kylo Ren. Nobody’s going to come after you, Ben. You’re a free man. You earned it.” Master Luke told him.

There was a weird sense of calm, and dignity about Ben that she’d never seen in him, before.

He thanked her politely when she gave him the serving bowl of stew with the serving spoon.

Rey had gone out and bought the most fine, expensive loaf of rich, black, seeded bread that she could find, and put it on the table.

Ben snatched up the heel, and turned it over in his hands, and then he put it under his nose and sniffed it.

“I don’t remember the last time I had bread that wasn’t stale. Or mouldy.”

He ate the slice of bread, slowly.

Rey wanted to cry.

There were tears in Master Luke’s eyes.

But she didn’t want Ben to become hysterical.

So she carried on eating her cereal and blue milk.

“Have another piece. With your stew.” She encouraged him.

“Chewie used to make this for me. When I was a kid, and I’d get sick. It’s a Wookie recipe.”

“I know. He taught me how to make it.” Master Luke told Ben.

After he ate, Ben got up and walked out onto the hot sand, barefoot.

Rey supposed he was used to it, by now.

But he came back.

“I have to get used to boots again. I still have mine.”

 ***

Ben didn’t like to stay inside, too long.

He got restless.

And when he slept at night, it was like he was dead.

After a week, Luke was right, he was much better and he had gained some weight.

Before Master Luke went home, he brought Obi-Wan, to talk to Ben while Luke was giving him a final once-over.

Their Master returned and brought Obi-Wan with him.

He spoke with Ben while Luke was examining him.

“Were you seeking a vision, Ben? Or were you trying to be a vision?” Obi-Wan asked.

“I was trying to be a vision. I wanted to spread the word about the New Path. And the Force United. And to warn people not to go back to the old ways. I wanted to use my body to show them. So I made all the old wounds and scars reappear.”

“You’re on the right path, Ben. But you must not use suffering to make your point. Yours or that of others.” Obi-Wan told him.

Ben nodded.

Master Luke pronounced him much better.

He took Artoo and Threepio and went home.

After that, Rey and Ben were on their own.

Ben quickly started getting his body to do what he wanted, again.

He took long walks in the desert.

After two weeks, he was running, in nothing but a pair of shorts, running over the burning sand, barefoot and mostly naked.

But he stopped being antsy when he was in the house.

***

Rey had to go buy some food, and Ben wanted to drive her speeder to Anchorhead.

When they got to the store where she bought the bread, and the old baker saw Ben, he came out from behind the counter.

“I can’t believe it! Young man, what’s your name”

“Ben Skywalker.”

“Was your grandaddy Anakin Skywalker? Son of Shmi Skywalker and Kylo Skywalker, who died a warrior on Arkanis, and that started all the trouble his family got into?”

“That’s me.”

“I knew your granddaddy, then. We were both slaves, here. The Jedi took him away to become one of them. But he wanted to be a pilot. Me, I got sold to a baker. Now I’m a free man and this is my shop. But Ani used to come here to visit his mother. You look so much like him. Is he still living?”

“No. But he became a pilot. And a Jedi. He died a Jedi, at the end of Clone Wars and became one with the Force.”

“I suppose that’s what he wanted. But it still makes me glad I became a baker. Did you go to that Jedi Temple? Out on Yavin-4?”

“I did. But it wasn’t for me. Too may rules. So I left, and stuck with what I love. The stars.”

“So, you’re a starpilot too? Good for you, son. Ani would have liked that.”

“I’m sure he does.”

***

Time passed them by.

Ben continued to fight his way back from the brink of death.

He fought so hard, and regained his physique and his strength so quickly that Rey began to suspect he was healing himself, using the Force

Ben had always been strong in the Force, but he had become both more accomplished and more powerful than before. There was a new light in Ben's dark, ancient eyes, and a new kind of power animated him.

The Force was with Ben, but in a form Rey had never encountered.

But, neither she nor Ben were thinking on that, or the New Path of the Force United that they were, arguably supposed to be making a way for.

No, the weightiest problem at the Skywalker farm was much less cosmic.

Most people did not know that Rey and Kylo Ren had been star-crossed lovers.

And no one knew that it wasn’t just one last kiss that Ben Solo bestowed upon Rey before he died.

That was the elephant in the bedroom.

“Rey?’

She was asleep.

“What, Ben? Have you been awake all night?”

“I can’t sleep. What if I killed it?”

“Killed what?”

“My cock.”

“I’m sure you’d be fine with another woman.”

Ben hadn’t heard that.

“How could I just let it go, like that? Fuck, I haven’t even jerked off for six months! I don’t even remember the last time I got hard. I killed it. I lost my mind, destroyed my body, and killed my cock. And I’m ugly again, and I disgust you.”

“Ben, you are not ugly. You have never been ugly. That’s all in your mind. Go to sleep.”

“Then why are you so cold, all the sudden?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you. You were like a human skeleton.”

“I’m fine, now.”

“Go to sleep, Ben.”

Ben swore.

He got out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

He jerked the bathroom door open, angrily so that the knob smacked into the hole it had already made in the wall. 

“Fuck it! I'm going to go into the bathroom and try to get it up for somebody I know who cares about how upset I am, and wants to try to make me a man, again! Me!”

But then?

He had a better idea.

And he got back into bed with Rey.

“Wait! I know what this is about. You think the last time we fucked, it killed me. That you killed me. Now, you're afraid if you touch me again, I’ll just die. Right?”

“Ben, I…you did die.”

“I was going to die anyway. I figured I might as well die hard.”

Rey couldn’t help laughing.

A little.

“Besides, how many times have you tried to kill me? As many times as I told you I was going to fuck you whether you liked it, or not. Funny how it always seems to turn me on when you try to kill me. And when I act like I’m going to fuck you whether you like it or not? You always like it. The first fight we ever had? I wish I knew that you almost cutting my face off with a lightsaber was foreplay. If I had? Instead of offering to show you the ways of the force, I would have told you that if you came with me, I was going to tie you to a table, again, and slide my tongue up your sweet Rebel cunt.”

In several years of very dirty talk, and horrible arguments and insults, that was both the dirtiest and the most horribly insulting thing Ben ever said to her.

She slapped him in the face, and he laughed.

“Don’t you dare, Ben Solo!”

“What? Don��t try that high and mighty shit on me. I’m the guy who fucks you. I know what you like. And you know, you never asked me what truths I brought back from the other side.”

He pulled the covers off the bed, and grabbed Rey by the ankles and pushed her legs open.

“Never gave a minute's thought to the Force United. Or the new path. But I’m not going to make the same mistake twice. I’m not gonna ask you if you want me to teach it to you. Because I know what you want from me.”

Ben put Rey’s legs around his shoulders.

“I’m just going to slide my tongue up your sweet Rebel cunt. I know you like that.”

If Ben's intent was to inflame them both?

It worked.

He rose to the occasion, and Rey felt anything but cold.

She was still in the throes of the orgasm he gave her as he was sitting up at the bottom of the bed, saying:

“Hard as beaker fucking steel. It worked!”

Yes.

It had.

“Ben, you horrible bastard, I’ve wanted you so much for so long!” she told him.

“Yeah. I know.” he told her.

***

All around the Skywalker farm you could hear the sound of a woman, screaming

And a man’s savage, guttural voice.

“Do you feel it now? Do you feel the raw power of the Dark Side?”

The woman’s screams grew louder and the man uttered a deep, dark, Satanic laugh.

He pinned her to the bed with his big, powerful body, and she locked her arms and legs around him screaming every time he thrust into her.

Faster.

Deeper.

Harder.

“Can you feel my power? The power of the Force United? Is this the way you want to get fucked, little scavenger? Fast and dirty and hard?”

More screams ripped from the woman’s throat.

“Yes! Yes! I feel your power. Your power! More!” the woman sobbed.

“My power? Who’s power? Say it! Fucking say it!” the man ordered, snarling through gritted teeth.

“Ben Solo! Oh, gods, gods, Ben fucking Solo!”

The woman screamed for joy, the man gave voice to another guttural laugh, and it resolved into a roar like the sound an angry Wookie makes before he tears your arms out and beats you to death with them.

Then, it was quiet, again.

***

Rather prudishly, Rey pulled the covers up to her neck.

In contrast, Ben lay on top of them, naked, his arms behind his head, his eyes closed, a happy,  untroubled smile on his face.

“That was worth fucking waiting. You are one hot little piece of ass, Little Rebel Girl. You had better come out from under those covers. I’m not done with you.”

“Can’t I go back to sleep, now?”

“Why?’

“Ben, you don’t understand. You were born without shame. I’m embarrassed. People don’t…I…I mean, I enjoy making love as much as, well, any woman, but…you have no idea what I am on about, do you?”

He turned on the light.

“Rey, I understand your ‘Who? Poor little me?’ act is what’s kept you alive through all these years, and it keeps people out of your hair. But don’t play it on me. I know better. I’m also the guy who fights with you. At your side and as your opponent, remember? So you can mince around Tattoine, acting like you are the little scavenger, a little war widow, just getting by, spending her life in elegiac genteel exile. Living with the memory of her lost love. But we both know it’s bantha shit.”

“Oh, really? And how would you know, Ben?”

“Rey, you slapped my face in a room full of smoking corpses and pools of blood and told me to quit fucking talking and kiss you. Then you wanted me to fuck you, on Snoke’s throne. You hardly gave me time to get rid of the mess and drape the curtains over the throne!  I mean, there I was, on my knees, with one foot resting on a dead man, and you’re pulling my hair and calling me a Sith bastard and telling me you’re going to come in my mouth, so I had better lick it up. Then, when I got up? You would have thought I poured honey all over my cock the way you went after it. You broke the zipper on my pants, getting it out. I had to hold your nose so you’d open your mouth so I could pull my cock out, because I thought if I came in your mouth before I fucked you, you’d cut me in half. I mean, I could hardly believe my luck.  I felt like the luckiest man in the Galaxy. Who knew you were the kind of girl who loved to give head and liked it doggie style on the throne of the Supreme Leader? I thought I might have been in love with you before that day. After? I was done. You had me. For the first time in my life, I was crazy in love.”

Rey bit her lip, to keep in a laugh, a scream of outrage, or both.

“I was carried away in the moment.” she sniffed

“This went on for longer than a moment. Hell, the first time I told you I could take what I wanted, you looked at me like, oh, Daddy, let’s fight first, and I might kill you later, but take me now, I’m all yours.”

“So what if I was immediately attracted to you? A lot of women have been!”

“Not when they were strapped to a table, killer. Rey, I was your enemy. I was the bad guy you were fighting against. I gave the orders that almost wiped out the whole Rebel fleet! And even after that, you came here to meet me every chance you got! And we never talked, here.  We talked when we were light-years away from each other. When we were together all we did was fuck. I was the Supreme Leader, I could do what I wanted. Go where I wanted. Nobody questioned me. I killed three generals who asked me what my business was with the Rebel girl. Those bloodless Imperial fucks stopped asking me stupid questions about my Little Rebel Girl after that. You were training to be a Jedi. You were the big hero of the Resistance. And you risked all that to come to Tattoine and fuck me out in the desert. When you had two guys, right there, who would have dragged their balls over hot coals just to get a shot at you. How long did the moment last? Two or three years? That’s a long karking moment, isn’t it?”

“It’s because I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Rey. But you are not a poor, meek, winsome little scavenger. You are a hot-blooded Force warrior. A two-tone, blood-glutted, cock-hungry hellcat who likes fast ships, bad men, high adventure, a damn good fight, and a real hot fuck. Be who you are, Rebel Girl. Some other guys might get turned off by that, but I’m Kylo Ren, remember? I love it when you’re bad. Hell, I killed myself at Exegol, satisfying our mutual battle lust. But I figured, what a way to go!”

“That’s why I was never going to touch another man, ever again. I killed you, Ben.”

“I came, and then I went.”

Ben laughed.

“It’s not funny! You gave me life and I took it back from you!”

“You didn’t kill me, Rey. Sheev Palpatine killed me. I knew I was going to die in that cave. I knew it before I brought you back. But I thought, hell, if I have to die, I might as well do it after a great victory in battle and a great fuck with the Valkryie I love. My Little Rebel Girl. And it’s not going to happen again, because I am now the most powerful Force sensitive being in the galaxy. Well, next to you. So do me a favor, and drop the act. It turns me off, and you’re insulting yourself.”

“Ben Solo, you are such a bad man!”

“Through and through. Did you think Kylo was the bad guy and Ben was the good guy? The best you can say about me is that I’m the good bad guy. Rey, my father was a ruthless pirate.  My grandfather was Darth Vader. I’m bad right down to my bones.”

“You wont tell anyone else about me, will you, Ben?”

“They already know. They’re just too terrified to argue with you. Damn, I have to piss.”

He got up and went to the bathroom.

Rey shifted around a little.

Thinking about what he had said.

Ben came back to bed.

He got under the covers, kissed her, and rolled over on his back and shut out the light.

Rey was a little disappointed, until Ben hauled her on top of him.

“OK, Rebel Girl! Your turn to be on top!”

***

The one thing that people all the way to Anchorhead would tell you about Ben Skywalker was that he had to be related to Ani Skywalker, because he looked just like him.

His hair and beard were black, and hsi etse were dark, but other than that, he was Ani all over again.

He wore the same kind of desert pilot’s clothes; in fact, Ben and his wife were poor; he might have been wearing Anakin’s clothes that he found at the old Skywalker moisture farm.

Young Skywalker and his wife, who was a nameless scavenger from Jakku before he gave her his had come right from the wars.

Ben had lived out on the old place for years, but during the wars, he was always coming and going. 

When he came to the cantina in the village without his wife?

Once he had a few pitchers of beer, he'd show you all his scars.

Take his pants down and everything, and the foolish boy didn’t wear underwear.

He had moods, but those scars meant he came by those moods, honestly.

He said he was a pilot, but all he seemed to be doing was getting his old wreck of a ship fixed up.

You might see him, running through the desert, barefoot, bareheaded, and slathered with sun protection, wearing only a pair of regulation Imperial exercise undershorts.

When he got to the village, he’d stop by the cantina for lunch.

“Training. I eat too much, and I drink too much, so I have to train like a goddamn Sith just to keep from turning into a big day tub of guts. That, and the Little Rebel Girl I married? She’s horny as an Askajian whore with a Twi'lek mother. She was a real killer, in the wars. If I ever quit banging her two, three times a day? She’d burn down the planet. But she keeps me in shape. Best exercise there is. Doing push-ups with girls. Before I met Rey? Hell, I had two or three women a week, just to keep me happy. Hell of a woman, my Little Rebel Girl. Better run home before she thinks I’ve got a girl on the side.”

Then he’d drink another pitcher of blue milk, finish his four sandwiches, and run home.

But what Ben was most famous for in the village was fighting a full grown Wookiee, and winning.

He made a lot of money doing it, too.

Ben Skywalker was the local character before the war was over, but taht wa sto be expected.

He was a Skywalker, after all; they were all characters.

In short?

Nobody suspected a damn thing.

***

After having lived by her wits from the time she was 14, and then becoming a Jedi, a warrior and the savior of the Galaxy?

The last thing Rey thought would make her happy was being a wife and keeping a house.

But somehow, just now?

It did.

At first Ben's moods were a problem, but when she discovered there were four of them, it became manageable.

Brooding Mystic, Wild Man, Happy-Go-Lucky Pirate, and Sexual Death Star.

Sometimes all in the same day.

And she had to admit, the fact that Sexual Death Star was a regular daily mood made it easier.

Ben naturally had a lot of stamina, and he was well endowed, but Rey always thought he had made sure to become a good lover to make it up to a woman for his moodiness.

But Ben knew himself, he had stocked his home with all wooden plates, bowls, and cups, and a stoneware pitcher that she he said he had thrown at a stone wall before buying.

So he got mad, sometimes and threw things and yelled?

It didn’t bother her.

Ben was always hungry, so he was always cooking, and there was always enough to eat.

They stayed in bed for days, sometimes, making love, and being goofy and just being together.

And she had not just a room, but a whole farm.

She and Ben had cleaned it up, and fixed everything, and even the old rusting farm machinery looked like art.

Ben worked on the Falcon, his ship now and there was a lot of work to do, because Rey had let it sit for a year.

Ben talked about getting in touch with “Uncle Chewie” he was thinking about getting back to work, with Rey as his scavenger.

He had a scheme in his heart, and that was a good sign.

But neither of them were ready to leave.

They went to the market in the old speeder, and brought fresh bread, and sometimes, when the moon was bright they had lightsaber duels out in the desert, and then they’d make love like lions, under the stars.

The stars that still belonged to them.

It was a beautiful little life, with just the two of them, but one day, the west wind from out behind Tattoine’s twin suns blew Chewbacca in to Mos Eisley, and there was a radio message from him.

He was coming out to the Skywalker Farm, and when he got there, they should be on the Falcon and ready to go.

Rey knew, then that everything was about to change.

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

Just Another Day in Fuyuki

Follows the events of Fuyuki’s 5th Holy Grail war from the perspective of an ordinary student.* (also lmao i put it on ao3 too)

*(This idea was based off a hilarious YouTube comment I read)

The first time she realized that something was rotten within the town of Fuyuki was on a cool, midnight blue night. It was a night like no other, ivory rays of moonlight dancing atop her skin as she took a casual jog past the all-too familiar gates of Homurahara Academy.

It should’ve been a normal night, yet the streets were much more silent than usual. Before she could spin to the side to cross over to the next junction; a powerful array of red lights assaulted her eyes, darting around like spirits.

‘WHAT?’ As she looked back, she saw that the red lights were emanating from none other than Homurahara Academy itself! That was strange, she had never witnessed such an event before.

‘Looks like we’ve got a case of delinquents at our place as well, huh?’ All it took was a split second for her to turn her back against the bizarre sight, regarding it as no more than a minor prank. Well of course she did. It’s not as if anything exciting happened within Fuyuki, anyway!

Little did she know that such an action may have saved her very life...

‘Good morning. Recently we’ve been sighting reports of multiple gas leaks and bloodless murders. In addition to this, there’s recently been an online trend of blurry pictures of people wearing suspicious cosplay being shared online. Many sources suggest that...’

As the local Fuyuki news blared yet more macabre news surrounding recent incidents, the young girl slipped on her wood brown loafers, as she patted down her coffee brown school jumper.

The young girl’s name was none other than Sakaki Ayane; a student of Homuhara Academy. As she jammed her plain, homemade bento filled to the brim with Strawberry Cream Sandwiches and Fried Chicken Cutlets into her extremely ordinary school bag, and switched off the plain television with a bland remote, a singular thought passed her mind.

‘It really is just another normal day in Fuyuki today!’ Sure, the news was terrifying- but hey, as long as her daily peace wasn’t disturbed, she was fine! Slamming the door to her basic house closed, she skipped through the mundane streets of her hometown, warm sunlight beaming down on her face, as she bowed politely to  fellow shop-owners and neighbors.

See, her life was totally fine! There was no need to worry about the news, or that time she witnessed giant fireworks at her school, after all! Everything was definitely all-ok!

As she prowled past numerous mounds of identically-emblazoned students, and sat herself right in the middle of Fujimura Taiga’s homeroom class- students guffawing at their sensei’s top-notch sense of humor- she breathed a sigh of relief.

However once lunchtime passed, Ayane was shocked speechless by a minor change to her daily lifestyle. Just as usual, her orange-haired classmate- Emiya Shirou- had caught the entire hall’s attention, due to his lively interactions with a twin-tailed genius named Tohsaka Rin. Ayane was pretty used to their interactions by now- Emiya would bust out into an awkward show, whilst students would gasp, their faces marred with awe and jealousy. As for Rin, she knew next to nothing about the beautiful girl, except for the fact that she’d sometimes catch her mid-conversation with Emiya, using rather surreal vocabulary such as ‘holy grail’ and ‘mages’.

Thinking it was nothing much, Ayane was convinced that Emiya and Tohsaka were a bunch of Roleplayers or something. She didn’t know much about the genre, but found it to be quite fun to imagine scenarios such as being a mage fighting over holy grails, and fighting dangerous beasts- such as skeleton armies. ‘I mean, why else would they talk as if they’re in the middle of a quest?’ Taking another humongous munch out of her sandwich, shock finally settled into her pores once she noticed that something was a little off about their interactions this time.

‘Where’s Shinji?’ That greasy-seaweed-haired, smug little man’s features were very prominent in Ayane’s mind. Based on her assumptions, he was the kind of idiot who kept on trying to interrupt Emiya and Tohsaka’s Roleplay sessions- much to both their chagrins.

However, this time- he wasn’t here at all?! Where had he gone off to? ‘I guess they finally kicked him off their Roleplay club, once and for all.’ Ayane heaved a sigh at that. She had no idea why they’d accommodate such a selfish guy in the first place; seeing as he always kept on trying to centre their Roleplaying on topics concerning himself instead! ‘If I was a Roleplayer, I definitely wouldn’t want him on my squad!’ Incredulously tapping her feet against the linoleum flooring; she tried to think of various reasons as to why Shinji was kicked out of the gang.

But it was to no avail. Slamming her head against the tea brown shade of her desk, she groaned.

That was it! There was no choice but to catch the latest gossip! Packing up her lunchbox, she rushed out of the classroom like a blur of wind; leaving bemused classmates in her wake. Running as if her life depended on it, she leapt onto the school roof; caught sight of the local gossips- and pulled out a spare sandwich.

“I’ll offer you this sandwich! So, spare me the news, what’s going on with Shinji?!”

A bunch of confused girls, smack bang in the middle of a game of cards- looked up at Ayane, their faces confused.

“Shinji? Who’s Shinji again?” A girl with blonde hair and piercings shrugged her shoulders.

“You know, that rich guy? That one that has cash leaking outta his pockets.”

“Oh, that guy? Have no clue.”

“A friend of a friend of a friend dated him. Said he’s a pain in the butt to be around.”

“Yes, that’s the one!” Ayane pointed excitedly, as she plonked herself in between the girls, her body heaving with laboured breaths. “So, what happened? When did he disappear?”

“If you want details like that, you’re gonna have to offer more than a sandwich,” The blonde-haired girl whined. “You’re always asking us for gossip these days, Ayane.”

“A-ah, is that so?” Anxiously wiping sweat off her forehead, Ayane rummaged through her bag: oodles of paper; pretty rocks; textbooks and other strange materials clattering onto the stone ground. Eventually, she uncovered a small talisman from her bag, eyes gleaming with excitement. “How about this then? I’m sure this is worth quite a bit of yen!”

“Dude, my sister bought that for 500 yen the other day. No dice from me.”

“It’s pretty cute, though...I’ll take it!” As one girl happily exchanged it with Ayane, the others spun their heads in horror.

“Kikuo! You damn betrayer!”

“You can’t be human, accepting such a cheapskate offer!”

“Damn, though...I can relate. Who can resist cute things, amirite?”

As they began to squabble, Ayane laughed. Nothing beat a good gossip session!

The school day had finally ended, with only the loud cheering and yells of various school clubs filling the now empty halls of Homurahara Academy. As she pulled out her loafers from her metallic gray shoe locker; a conflicted expression crossed her face, as she recalled the events of her gossip session.

“Ah, that Shinji? Well, it was really odd, but he pissed off right after a major incident hit our school!”

“W-what happened?” Ayane was more or less right in the other girl’s face, her eyes bulging with curiosity.

“E-erm, well...” Blushing awkwardly, the girl scratches her face. “I mean, weren’t you there? It was kinda unforgettable.”

“Actually, I decided to take a day off school that day.” Ayane’s directness was like a major slap in the face for the others. “School can be really boring sometimes...”

“I had a feeling you’d say that...” Another sighed. “Well anyway, some HUGE shit happened. Like we were all sitting in class one second-”

“- and then there was this weird- ass red light-”

‘What is it with our school and red lights?’ Ayane’s gut instinct could tell that something was strange about this story. It felt unreal.

“-Yeah, and then like everything just blacked out. Like the only memory I have is of me waking up the next day or something.” The other girls nodded in assent. “It’s like some freaky curse possessed the shit out of Homurahara Academy or something!”  None of them were able to fill in the missing blanks about what happened; eventually blaming it all on poison gas.

“Well, anyway; Shinji disappeared from that day onwards. Not like that’s a bad thing, mind you.” And that was it.

As Ayane exited the gates, a heavy cloud permeated her mind. Time was certainly out of joint, for them to not even be able to recall what happened! ‘Maybe Shinji was possessed by a ghost...’ Strolling by the courtyard, she caught sight of a familiar purple-haired student.

It was Matou Sakura. Because Ayane was such a nosy student, she recognised her as that one shy girl who’d label her classmate-Emiya, as her senpai. As she passed the girl, she bowed ever-so-slightly in respect, as Sakura embarrassedly bowed back. Watching after her back, yet another terrifying wash of surprise crawled across her back.

Didn’t Sakura usually meet up with that one super-glamorous, plum-haired model-like lady on her way home? It was strange to see Sakura walking home alone.

‘Shit’s really hitting the fan now...’ Ayane mused, as she turned in the opposite direction. She needed an emotional escape to purge herself of the encroaching force of dread threatening to engulf her body. ‘Ah, that’s it! Let’s go to the harbour!’ Regaining her previous sense of joy, Ayane more or less sprinted to Fuyuki Harbour. Aside from a few guests, people going fishing- and the odd seagull- it was often quiet, making it the perfect place for silent contemplation!

She more or less flew towards the harbour, breathing in a deep gulp of the fresh sea air once she arrived. The harbour was like heaven, drifting clouds trundling overhead. Pointing exuberantly at that one special lighthouse perched far away, she grinned. ‘This is the best- OH?!’

Before she could release a scream of joy, she caught sight of something.

It seemed as if she wasn’t alone at the harbour, after all. Shielding her eyes from the billowing wind, she caught sight of a rather fit man in skin-tight black pants; and a figure-hugging white shirt. But what really caught her off-guard was his bold blue locks of hair.

‘Hey, wait a minute!! Why does he remind me of those blurry pictures of people wearing suspicious cosplay?!’ Clamping a hand over her mouth, she prayed to all of the gods and deities in the world to disguise her presence. Seeing as the man was looking so intently at the sea, she didn’t want to disturb his peace time. ‘What a shame...’ One of Ayane’s favourite hobbies was to scream at the harbour, where nobody else could hear her. However, she would be cordial to this visitor today. ‘You better watch out, blue hair!’ She declared in her mind; fists clenched. ‘I’ll be considerate today, but won’t be next time! If I see you again, you’ll definitely have to put up with me screaming at the sea!!’

As she moonwalked as silently as possible away from the sparkly man, a major thought hit her mind. ‘There sure have been a lot of beautiful people with stunning hair colours hanging out in Fuyuki lately...’ It made her somewhat excited yet terrified at the same time to see just how much her daily life was changing.

Oh well, there was no choice but for her to release her pent-up emotions somewhere else instead. As a rather detailed map of Fuyuki appeared within her mind, a lightbulb popped in her brain. ‘The Fuyuki City Centre!’ Nothing was better than throwing one’s emotions at a cup of ice cream. ‘I’m a genius,’ Ayane twirled down the road, pattering rays of sun following behind. After screaming at the sky in the park (startling a few children); and buying the biggest matcha sundae that she could afford, she was all set for the day and ready to go home.

Although today had been quite suspicious, things were finally settling back to normal. Or so she thought. All peace instantly came to a halt, as she bumped into something quite long. ‘Oh crap!’ Raising her head, she came face-to-face with none other than a human wearing a... strange combination between a... biker outfit and school uniform? ‘Never seen an outfit like that before.’ As she bowed in apology, a piercing gaze reminiscent of death itself froze her body to its very core.

“The humans of this era are such pathetic mongrels...” The voice trailed off, as the harsh man’s presence all but disappeared.

‘Err...What?’ Once he was out of sight, her legs buckled; as she fell to the ground- passer-by's sparing her disgruntled glances. ‘I’ve never felt a presence that scary before...’ Clutching her heart anxiously, the shadow of death curled itself around her chest; suffocating her breath. It would take until the pitch black of night for her to regain her composure again. As she trawled back home within the dark, Ayane exhaled painfully, clutching her head.

What a weird day this had been! ‘I’m so glad I’m home now.’ Relieved, she withdrew her jangling keys from her bag; overjoyed to be right in front of her basic house again!

“Yay, I’m home-?!!!!” The ground beneath her rattled ominously, as she toppled to the ground- her eyes rattling wildly. Powerful tremors rippled around her, warping Fuyuki into the most demonic rollercoaster ride she had ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!’ Idealistic images of the bland, mundane Fuyuki that she loved were shattering, right before her eyes. As a mere human she was blissfully unaware of the blood-curdling terrors lurking right beside her, in this cursed town...This was the fate of those unaware of the events of the Fifth Holy Grail War.

THE END

(lmao Ayane is the weirdest original character EVER. However, I do wonder what random passers-by think about all of the strange crap occurring in Fuyuki!)

[unexpectedcronchiness]

CINDERELLA AU I WROTE FROM THE GROUP CHAT PART SOMETHING

WARNING: mentions of abuse yall its now on ao3 so if youd rather read it there go ahead https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003439 

It wasn't Remus's fault he was a werewolf. If anything it was the blasted moon's fault, for taking the sanity of his mind once a month to fulfill its own personal desires. it wasn't his fault his parents and sisters didn't like him. Well most of the time. He would be lying if he said he hadn't egged them on every now and then but not often, not often enough for this.

Remus gingerly rubbed his arm,one of the many areas whipped and beaten tender and raw frequently. It would have been nice to think that his loving family were smart enough to not have left marks, but alas, they weren't. Not that it mattered. He'd had marks since his first moon, when he was six. 

The marks were just one other thing that showed how he was a monster, less than human but close enough to know how much he wanted to be one. His eyes, that reflected light like a wolf, his canine teeth, just a bit larger than normal, enough to be unsettling, and his ears, that could hear the slightest of sounds outside of the full moon.

His ears he didn't mind so much, they were nice and offered him his only friends, the animals near their manor, but they were still unnatural. Speaking of his friends he heard a familiar scatter and quickly made sure the door to the attic, his room, was locked. 

Peter, as the rat had told him his name was, scurried into the room. Peter on the outside seemed like a rat in every sense of the word until you talked to him. It seemed he was the opposite of Remus in a sense, a human with just a taste of being something less than, to know to avoid it.

ya got any of that good cheese the rat squeaked. Remus rolled his eyes, Peter also had a very one tracked mind.

"sorry friend, no meals for me for a while" he stated matter of factly. Peter groaned as well as a rat could groan.

What did you do this time? You know you shouldn't egg them on.

"Why, little ol me?" Remus mock gasped, "I would never." then he laughed "Well I would and do, but not this time. This time it was because I forgot to clean the chicken coop a third time, silly me."

Peter looked stern

 you could leave, tear them apart, you're a werewolf for merlins sake, you have magic, wandless magic most wizards would kill for it.

"you forget" Remus added bitterly "Most werewolves kill for it. Or well jealousy of it. doing wandless magic would be like waving a sign saying "hello, I'm a werewolf, incredibly dangerous and unstable, grab your pitchforks and torches, please, go ahead and kill me. Besides it's not like I can have my wand, its locked up remember." This much was true, his wand had been locked up since he had first been bitten. Peter squeaked in indignation, he didn't like when Remus spoke so casually about such things or used his wry sarcastic voice like such.

Remus would have continued if it weren't for the thudding of someone coming up the ladder to the attic. Peter started squeaking in fright.

"Shhh, Peter, be quiet, hide." Remus hissed, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. 

The trapdoor swung open and his father, Lyall Lupin, stepped in in disgust.

"You'll be getting a reprieve, lucky you." Remus tried not to perk up at this, knowing that the rest of the story was yet to come.

"The black family is holding a ball for their sons 19th birthday and we are invited. We, of course, means not you." Remus resisted scoffing, naturally.

The Lupins were high society and therefore high enough to be invited to many gatherings, occasions, balls, parties and such, even by the Black Family. To be honest, the black family mostly gained its respect and wealth from fear and other unsavory going ons.

still, he couldn't help the pang of remorse of knowing that he could never go to one, much less the blacks. He had heard that Sirius black, the heir to the blacks title, was a sight to behold.

Even with successfully having kept his emotions in check, one look of misery flying across his face was enough for punishment.

"crucio '' Lyall whispered, barely audible. but Remus's ears could hear it, Remus could recognize the hatred that would flare in his father's eyes, and the way his lips moved, and his arm raised ever so slightly. He would have known what was coming even without being a werewolf.

Remus didn't scream. 

For the first 3 seconds at least. a new record, a small part of his brain laughed.

Finally after years, the pain ended and Remus was on all fours, choking up blood, and clawing at the floorboards.

Crucio was not a favorite in the Lupin household but it was used when deemed necessary, or ya know, when someone was just angry or stressed enough.

"Remember your place, monster. You do not, have not, and will not ever deserve to feel emotions. Emotions are for humans" Lyall sneered and then spat at Remus.

and with that he left, crying out a list of chores and a "We'll be back at 3 in the morning, have them completed by then."

Remus didn't dare nod. He sat in silence before he remembered that Peter was still in the room.

"Oh shit, Peter are you ok? SHit I'm so sorry you had to see that." While Remus had screamed whilst being taught his lesson, he had not cried. He frequently chalked that up to simply having no more tears left to cry, or that monsters simply didn't cry but as he saw Peter shaking in fear under his bed covers, his heart broke. 

"Peter, shh, shh, hey, im ok, see im ok, everything's alright"

I should be comforting you! The cruciatus is illegal!

"so is a werewolf living unregistered."

thats different

"How so, please enlighten me between using a spell that makes you a monster and being a monster." Remus snapped. 

Peter paused, then tried to keep his voice even.

Remus, you can't believe him, you are not a monster in any way shape or form, please tell me you don't believe him

"Oh really Peter, would a human be able to smell the fear on you, because I do, you're afraid Peter, afraid of me, afraid of the monster I am."

I am afraid for you, huge difference Peter retorted as calmly as he could muster. Remus sighed.

"I know, you're right, im sorry Peter. its- its been a long day, I think im going to take a walk"

don't be too long, its a full moon tonight.

"how could I ever forget" Remus said with a smile, and with that he left.

------------

Remus took a walk around the grounds, and finally collapsed on a stone bench by the moonflowers. ugh fucking moon flowers, he hated them. they only bloomed at night and only the magical ones bloomed on full moons.

Draping his arms and head across the bench as he knelt in the grass Remus sighed, trying to steady his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. but then the pace changed, the rhythm uneven, interrupted by hiccups, some breaths shallow, others unbearably deep like it was the first breath of air he'd ever had. Oh, he was crying, Remus realized. apparently he was still human enough to cry. Then he looked at the moon, steadily rising in the night sky and cried even harder.

"-i wish,I fucking wish" he hiccuped. "that I could just be fucking normal for one goddamn night, get dressed up even. Hell maybe I could go to the fucking black party." He mocked a posh voice "Wouldn't that be a ball" and he was laughing as he cried. He heard a rustle behind him, felt the shadow being cast on him and looked up.

A stag, a rather large one at that. That was odd, something about him reminded him of Peter.

it's dangerous to wish upon moonlight, hadn't you heard

"I think I've apparently preemptively paid my price, thanks for the concern." then Remus was looking at the stag oddly, he was different in the same way Peter was.

"besides," Remus continued conversationally, "I hear that werewolves come out on full moons, nasty things those werewolves are, can't trust them. You better run along before you get mauled."

you only change at midnight, I think im fine 

this shocked Remus, he did not expect the stag to know he was a werewolf and was hoping for him to run along and let him continue being dramatic in the moonlight.

so about those wishes, what would you do for them 

Remus could tell when someone was trying to change the topic, so he obliged.

"what would you do if you were in my situation?" Remus asked, not willing to play the stags games.

i would kill, hurt, take my revenge, my justice, take what's mine, my rights

"you and I are not very alike then, I don't think I ever could do that." This seemed to please the stag as it's upper lip curled just a bit. 

 please, call me James 

and with that Remus felt the tingle of magic under his skin, yet it wasn't in a bad way like normal. Not understanding what was happening, but embracing the feeling, Remus shut his eyes, stood and let whatever the apparently magical deer wanted to happen, happen. Was it odd to say that he trusted this deer as much as Peter?

when Remus opened his eyes, he was wearing a white suit with blue and gold accents and he was standing in something hard, but not uncomfortable. He looked down. Fucking moonstone shoes. what the fuck. how were they not a) heavy as all get out b) uncomfortable as all get out and c) why there weren't literally any other material that wasn't moonstones.

"look while I appreciate being told I need fashion help,I don't think i-"

I'm not finished, the stag, James, said amused. then he turned around to a pumpkin in the garden.

Suddenly the pumpkin was growing, then it was paling in color, and then it was hollow, and then there were craters and oh shit, James , a deer, James the deer, had a fucked up sense of humor turning a pumpkin into a moon carriage that glowed in the other moons moonlight. Moon moon moon moon moon. Remus thought to himself in disgust. Remus just wished he understood what the punchline was.

"again, while I appreciate being told I need better wheels I still don't-" James laughed, or neighed, or whatever it was that stags did. 

you're very impatient and then there was a rustle again, this time smaller

James turned around, not angry, not amused, but like something he had rather wished not to believe had made sense.

and look, now we have our mighty steed!  James whipped his head around, and Remus cried out, recognizing Peter. Peter squeaked in fear and turned to run but was too slow. at an uneven pace his body began growing and shifting until he was a "mighty steed" as James put it

"Peter, are you ok, can you hear me?" the horse, Peter, nodded. James looked shocked, well as shocked as stag could look Remus supposed

you call him Peter?

"yes,I call you James and I call him Peter, there are these things called names you see, they're very funny" Remus retorted, angry that his friend had been turned into a horse

"Look mr.I would murder someone stag,I don't appreciate my friend being turned into a horse and would rather you tell me what's going on or turn him back this instant." James grinned,

for a smart one you can be stupid. I thought it was obvious, you have to arrive at the black mansion in style of course. 

Remus gaped, no he couldn't do this, what if he was caught by his family, what if he hurt someone, what if he-

as he started to voice these complaints to James he was cut off

you've got one shot at normal, maybe even turning your life around, will you take it? 

Remus didn't know if he could bear tasting normalcy and then having it ripped away from him but he couldn't bear it either way so he nodded.

good, because otherwise all this transfiguration would've gone to waste.

"transfiguration- wait- how do you , can you-"

well would you look at the time, the party's about to start, hop on lets get going, no time to dawdle and James nudged Remus into the carriage where Peter had hooked himself up begrudgingly. 

"wait why are you doing this, what are you?"

who knows, maybe I'm your fairy godmother or something, did you ever think of that hmm, and frankly,I don't care. 

and with that, James was gone.

----------

Sirius sighed. He would have much preferred a quiet celebration with his best mates Peter and James but sure, why not, throw a lavish party, thank you.

Still it's not like he could complain, he liked dancing, he liked people, sometimes, and he liked meeting young men. Sirius knew part of the reason why his mother was hosting this party, so he could find a nice wealthy respectable lady, get hitched, get her prego and create another bundle of tiny blacks.

Not like that would ever happen if men kept looking the way they did,  and that didn't appear to be stopping anytime soon so he got ready for the ball.

An hour of prep later, freshly showered and clothed in a black suit with red and gold accents, standing in front of the mirror Sirius was wondering if he should even go to this party in his honor. He could just bail, it's not like he didn't already know all of the men going and that they were all pretty damn straight. and boring, can't forget boring. He could just grab James and Peter, get some firewhiskey and waste the night away, yeah that sounded nice.

Speaking of James and Peter, he was beginning to get worried. Peter had been pretty flighty as of late saying shit like he was seeing his "werewolf friend named Remus that was being abused" honestly, Peter should have outgrown imaginary friends, but that seemed rude to say so Sirius went along with it. He was beginning to grow rather concerned as Peter's description of his, Remus's, abuse was growing rather vivid, and very violent. James on the other hand, well they were attached at the hip. while the blacks and potters didn't necessarily historically get along very well, that had never stopped James and Sirius. maybe he was out prancing in his animagus form? He had been doing that a lot too lately as well. Or maybe he was trying to woo lily, who knew?

finally, James showed up, a half hour before the party started covered in leaves and looking magically exhausted muttering something about "a moon, a giant moon, damn im so fucking good" and laughing to himself. 

"Oi James, fucking finally? Where have you been? does this mean we're skipping" James swayed a little in place and Sirius immediately fetched him some water. At the word skipping James straightened up, trying to keep a calm face.

"No no no, it's your 19th birthday. I think you should go, I have a feeling this one'll be special."

that was odd. James and Sirius both knew that his birthday often turned into a shit show as they both grew bored with the company and the whole thing in general and decided to plan a monstrous prank. not something "special." giving up trying to understand the inner workings of James's mind Sirius sighed and said simply 

"i have a green suit that will go nicely with your eyes in my closet, get the leaves out of your hair, try to make yourself presentable and I'll go get it" James grinned that classic James grin and saluted

did not mean to hit send yet whoops

"yessir" and began fussing with his hair trying to get leaves and sticks out.  Sirius rummaged around in his closet, still worrying about Peter. when he voiced this to James, James merely grinned wider and said "I think he's hanging out with his werewolf friend"

"On my birthday?" Sirius whined James laughed and said simply

"as much as it tries to, the world does not revolve around you."

Sirius sighed dramatically once more, looked at the time, and got ready to go greet his arriving guests

-------------

Remus's family was wealthy, he knew that much, but what he did not know was that his wealth was inconsequential in comparison to the blacks.

 a mass of black brick, gargoyles and buttresses that was the black mansion spread across the horizon as the steady line of extravagant carriages grew nearer.

Remus swallowed his nerves and adjusted his hair and after what seemed like ages they arrived. Remus tentatively walked the steps, not trying to feel self conscious as he was walking alone, while everyone else was in groups of around 3 or more.

"name sir?" Oh shit, Remus forgot about this part, the overly dramatic "hey let's announce your whole presence so your abusive family knows you disobeyed them and shit" part. panicking, Remus said baldar io. baldar after one of the arabic words for moon and io after jupiter's moon. shit. he just named himself moon moon. 

"SIR BALDAR IO" the man cried out, and more than a few heads turned, at this unfamiliar name. 

Remus shrunk under the attention and decided he would make his way over to the buffet as gracefully as possible when the large double doors at the end of the room flung open. Out walked a woman and three men, all with jet black hair. Remus would have assumed that they were all related if it weren't for the jet green eyes of one of them, while the others had a stark grey. 

Remus couldn't help it, he was a little amused, and a little disappointed. The infamous blacks were rather ordinary looking, the younger one, that Remus assumed must be Sirius, had short black hair and a hollow gaze. and Then all of them shifted, and Remus's eyes widened as a hush filled the room.

"the young Sirius black!" the woman, his mother, announced. Sirius black was more than Remus could have ever imagined beauty to look like.

his hair was long and black, obviously, but it curled at odd romantic angles, his jawline looked like it was sharp enough to kill, but would settle for helping give gentle kisses instead, his eyes lacked the piercing violent ferocity that the other 3 blacks had, but looked as though it's own ferocity was nothing to be mocked.

Remus openly gaped, and even heard a couple of chuckles around him as people noticed. 

the man, Sirius black looked bored yet intrigued by the whole thing, like he was waiting for something special to happen but was disappointed it hadn't happened yet.

Remus had to leave he had to get out, shit how could he even be in the same room as this man without combusting he would never know as he turned to leave, Remus realised he was gathered in the middle of the dance floor with everyone else and the music began to swell.

shit shit shit shit shit.

"I can't help to notice you're looking a little lost." without turning around Remus chuckled

"you would have noticed correctly then"

"So what brings you to the dance floor if not to dance?"

"I was-" Remus turned around and silently gasped, Sirius black was standing in front of him, smirking.

"well then, shall we show them all up and dance absolutely divinely, badar io?"

"I-I'm afraid I wouldn't be doing much showing up as I have no clue what this is,"

"Well you see, this is called a waltz, Shostakovich Waltz No 2 to be precise." Remus rolled his eyes at sirus's teasing.

"Believe it or not I can recognize shostakovich when I hear it, I mean, I do not know how to dance to it. this one looks very specific." Sirius's face broke out into a full fledged grin as he said

"No better time to learn than the present, and I happen to be an excellent partner."

"And a modest one too" Remus said dryly as he awkwardly shuffled, not knowing what to do with his limbs

Sirius noticed and took pity on Remus as he gently grabbed Remus's wrists, and guided the left hand to his shoulder, the right enclosed in his own and then sirus's hand was on his waist, unconsciously circling the fabric there with his thumb. Remus's breath hitched. He was in for a long night.

--------

this one, this one was funny, he was interesting, bloody gorgeous, and best of all, as gay as Sirius was. He had recalled hearing the unfamiliar name "badar io" and was immediately intrigued, but also confused when James laughed like this was the funniest thing since his first prank.

James, taking mercy on Sirius's confused and desperate expression, happened to point out the young rugged looking man that was confused on the dance floor.

And so Sirius had walked up to him, smirking, laying on the Sirius style charm, and then he didn't know how to dance which Sirius really shouldn't have found as endearing as he did, and then, one itsy bitsy final test, Sirius put his hand on badars waist, circling it, very consciously mind you, with his thumb and did a victory dance in his head as badar's breathe hitched.

he was at least a little gay alright.

So the night went and Sirius had only eyes for badar, and it seemed badar only had eyes for him, but more so than in the "hey it's Sirius black, how cool is that" way. like Sirius was his own person, interesting and attractive, and Sirius could've drowned in that look the entire night.

Instead he settled for flirting and far too personal questions. He had never really had the time or patience for small talk and this man was obviously his soulmate.

Sirius had had no belief in soulmates whatsoever until he laid eyes on badar. and his beliefs were only confirmed as he had begun to relax, get into the flow of the music, crack wry and witty jokes, and eventually flirt back.

Sirius had held no belief in true love either, or love at first sight, but as he was quickly learning, he needed to open his mind more. 

"favorite color" Sirius asked, dead serious. ha, serious he thought, the pun never failing to amuse him. badar laughed, a sound Sirius thought might possibly be his favorite in the whole wide world.

"You go from, biggest fear, greatest insecurities, what are some of the morals you live by, do you believe in second chances to what's your favorite color?" badar laughed again. "you seem to enjoy doing things backwards. it's silver. What about you?" Sirius stared intently into badars eyes and his answer had changed from the usual red or maroon to a brilliant gold, just like badars own irises

"gold"

"ah yes like your suit which is not at all gaudy in any way shape or form"

"Oi ill have you know this suit is top of the line thankyouverymuch."

"I'll have you know that top of the line can be gaudy, thankyouverymuch"

Sirius laughed for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"do you want to get out of here," he asked?

badar coughed

"ar-are you propositioning me????"

"what- OH- oh no no no, shit, no,Ithought we could go into the garden, give you a break, check out the lights and talk some more maybe?"

"oh, ok, that sounds lovely. but ill have you know I'm not accepting because im tired, im accepting because you look tired and  Iobviously have far to much stamina for you"

Sirius laughed again, but truth be told, he wanted to see how much stamina badar really had, he wanted to-

coughing and adjusting himself, he led badar out to the back gardens.

--------------

The blacks had certainly not spared any expense when it came to floriculture, the garden was decked out in strongylodon macrobotrys, chocolate cosmos, dendrophylax lindenii, shenzen nongke orchids and-

Remus laughed, moonflowers, but only magical ones. only ones that bloomed on full moons,

It was odd, hearing Sirius laugh and pay attention to him like he was the most interesting person in the world.

It was odd, hearing himself be referred to as badar.

it was odd, he rather liked badar, it was like an alter ego, a persona, except it felt real. With a start, Remus realized that was because he was simply being his genuine self.

it was odd, seeing the usually confident Sirius black shyly not make eye contact as his soft hands intertwined with Remus's.

It was odd, feeling his own arm move over to run his fingers through Sirius's soft hair.

it was odd, being close enough to count his eyelashes, to feel his breath on his lips, to see every detail of his eyes-

it was odd feeling soft lips pressed against his own for the very first time

it was odd as he relaxed into Sirius's arms, as his eyes fluttered shut, as the tingling drifted from his stomach all the way to his finger tips. 

It was odd trusting a person so completely and fully as he did Sirius, and have them not even know his real name.

His moment of bliss was interrupted as he heard an ominous dong of the giant clock in the garden.

Shit shit shit fuck shit fuck dammit fuck

Remus didn't know how he would handle going back, knowing the tenderness he was missing, the soft hands against his own, something kind and loving that was in the world, but he knew he must. 

He pulled away frantic and said

"thank you, thank you so, so much- b- but-I really have to go." Sirius looked crestfallen at this but reached out and grabbed Remus's arm before he could fully flee.

"will I see you again" that set off the waterworks for Remus

"No, I don't think you will." The clock rang out again. and pulled Sirius in for one final chaste kiss. and then without knowing what he was doing he cried out "Remus Lupin!"

And he left, stumbling down the stairs of the garden that led into the forest, the one that connected with his own, leaving a moonstone shoe behind.

--------

when Remus woke up approximately an hour later (the moons were shorter when he was happy) He could remember feeling his paws pound against the forest floor. He could remember smelling home, he could remember only barely ripping out his own skin. Then he woke up, in a different kind of agony, like grieving a loss. Then he remembered the list of chores that had been left for him, that had barely seemed possible when he had an extra 3-5 hours to complete them. groaning he got to work.

Peter showed up, and was only mad at Remus for a little bit before he began trying to clean in his own little way.

finally after centuries, though it had only been two hours, Remus finished and, he tucked away his other moonstone shoe, (that for some reason had not transfigured back) and he fell into his bed and right before he fell asleep he could hear a door downstairs open, and the voices of his family walking in.

----------

Sirius was absolutely miserable it was three in the morning and he had gotten incredibly drunk with James and Peter immediately after badar had left. he didn't know why badar had left, why he cried out Remus Lupin, why he had kissed him so sweetly just to say he'd never see him again.

Sirius threw a pillow against the wall, feeling the impact of the sobering potion he had taken, and rubbed the moonstone shoe, the only thing that was reminding him that badar wasn't in fact a hallucination or a dream.

"James, he was just so perfect-Ijust-IthinkIlove him James,I Love him James and i'll never see him again, did you know there was never a badar io in our little town? He gave a fake name James!"

"what about the other name he gave, have you looked into it."

"What do you mean, other name- OH MERLIN ITS A NAME" A glimmer of hope shone in Sirius's eyes as he ran to the library where he knew there was a magic record of all legal documentation of families in their town. Was it illegal? yeah, but Sirius couldn't think about the morality of that right now, he was in love.

"Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin, Lupin Remus, Lupin Remus, Lupin Lupin Lupin ahA!" he cried out after flipping through pages, finally finding the Lupin line. "Remus, Remus, Remus" wait, that wasn't right, that couldn't be-

Remus Lupin, declared dead at age six, cause unknown signed- signed the entire Lupin family, what was going on, he looked down and saw a little photo and a sharp intake of breath could be heard behind him and honestly he did the same.

"James it-it says he's dead- but- but he felt- felt so- so- so- real" tears began to well in Sirius's eyes "How can he be dead?" but James wasn't paying attention, he was staring at the paper muttering 

"they're worse than I thought I can't believe they would do that,I Can't believe-"

"James what's going on?" Sirius asked, his voice small.

"I guess you deserve to know,-"

James continued " what happens on a full moon?"

"What do you mean what happens on a full moon, James the hell?"

"What happens on a full moon at midnight" something clicked in Sirius's mind though he wasn't quite sure what yet.

"Werewolves but James what-"

"What would a wealthy, respectable family do if they had a son bitten by a werewolf at age six but couldn't kill him?"

"I Mean maybe fake his death and keep him hidden but don't see-HOLY SHIT" James nodded gravely.

"Those bastards, how could they do that to him!!!?!?"

"Before you decide to go charging in, you need to think, you're still the heir to the black family, think of something crazy, ridiculous and plausible that could get you safely into the Lupin household."

"Jamesy my boy, do you even know who you're talking to?" Sirius said with a mischievous grin

------

Sirius woke to the sound of giggling and his sisters running downstairs. 

It was 11 in the morning, they had let the monster sleep him, how nice. He must have done a good job last night at cleaning. Gingerly he climbed down the ladder and stopped one of his sisters, Drizella. 

"Drizella, what's going on? Remus queried. Drizella sniffed

"If you must know, Sirius black has announced he's looking for his true love, and whoever fits the shoe that was left behind by her!"

"Who's ‘her’?"

"Apparently he danced with one maiden and one maiden alone the entire night and she had to leave at midnight but didn't give him a real name and as he ran off, she left behind a moonstone shoe!"

A maiden now, was he? Remus chuckled in his mind and headed back to his room.

As he sat down, he pulled out the moonstone shoe and held it softly against his chest as a reminder of-

Suddenly he heard an outraged squeak to his left and saw his father standing in the trapdoor of the attic, looking royally pissed off, and then he saw the door shut, heard the key lock, all before he could get there

And then he was pounding on the door, splinters in his fists scrapes on his palms and then he heard "he's coming by today, your prince charming, and he will marry one of my daughters and you'll never, ever see him again."

Remus cried out and buried his face in his hands unsure of what to do.

 This time hours went by, and Remus was sure they were hours because he counted every last second. Then he heard a scritching noise under his bed so he looked and out shot Peter, looking concerned as he could be

what'd you do this time to be trapped in here Peter squeaked, horrified.

"I wooed the ever charming Sirius black and that was a no no"

Peter sputtered nonstop, starting and restarting sentences, when at that moment something crashed into Remus's room from the window. 

"What the-" Remus began but was cut off by the new black haired green eyed arrivals

 "Ok so Sirius is down stairs getting ready to slip the shoe on your sisters, he would rather only try you but we didn't count on you being locked up here" wait, was that.... James?

a voice behind them piped up.

"We could try to explode the trapdoor!" Pete added- wait Peter? Remus whipped around and groaned Peter was not a rat, well not at the moment, but he was still Peter. Remus could smell him, could hear the intonations in his voice.

"Animaguses,I Should have bloody known"

James just grinned that classic James grin and continued. "you better hurry,Ithink you're father's gonna try to fight the magic that Sirius placed on the shoe."

"what magic, why would he need magic."

"well, he kind of said... thathewouldmarrywhoevertheshoefit, because they would obviously be the one he danced with all night, and then-" James trailed off, thinking of words.

"-he knew that people would "be dying to get their paws on him maritally," his quote, not mine and so he placed a spell that the shoe would only fit the person it last belonged to but there are ways to overcome a spell and you're fathers attempting them right now also a sacred oath may or may not be involved in the whole 'ill marry whoever the shoe fits' thing."

"if the shoe fits, wear it" Remus muttered under his breath and then louder continued "Okey dokey so we don't have time to unpack all that but first- why this whole finding the feet of my 'princess' thing? if he really wanted to see me couldn't he have just, i don't know, broken down doors to find me or something."

"Always the romantic, Remus" Peter rolled his eyes.

"well, see, he's the heir to the black title, and well as much as he would love to abandon it all, he thinks he has a chance to use all that wealth and influence for good." Remus vaguely remembered Sirius implying something of the sort last night so he nodded, and James continued "so he couldn't just waltz in peoples houses being like 'ayo, are yalls Remus Lupin, lets get funky if you are' and such so thus, the extravagant plan was hatched." Remus laughed, that was just so like Sirius to do that it was ridiculous. 

then at that moment a scream could be heard downstairs. shit

The three of them paled and Sirius and Peter ran over to the trap door, having a heated conversation back and forth about "what could we do" "uh levicorpus" "thats an ankle levitation charm, idiot." "Well maybe it would have levitated the ankle of the trap door and we could have gotten out." Peter hissed back, but Remus was barely paying attention to them.

He was instead, looking out the broken window James had crashed in on. realizing what must be done, Remus stepped on the window sill, and jumped.

To be honest, Remus had never tried to jump from 3 stories before but he could do 2, so what was one entire story difference? A lot apparently as he landed on his ankle with a thud, there was only so much a non moon werewolf could do.

Not letting it deter him and ignoring the confused cries from James and Sirius, Remus ran around to the front door.

when he finally arrived he could hear muffled sobs from Anastasia and his father's cold, uncaring voice. Not wasting another second Remus flung open the door, rage in his face. 

Remus gasped as he entered the room, seeing the pile of blood at Anastasia's feet, seeing Drizellas shocked expression that she was next, seeing his father's frigid and determined expression, and his mother's sickly face that looked like she was regretting many things. Lyall had cut off her toes to fit the shoe. The bastard. 

tired, ageless rage filled Remus and he was about to make good use of his werewolf wandless magic but stopped when he saw Sirius's confused, terrified, and admittedly freaked out face about the whole toe thing turn into one of relief and unmitigated joy. That stopped Remus cold in his tracks.

No, he'd made it this far in life with being a werewolf without killing anyone,no, he'd made it this far in life without being a monster and he wasn't about to change that now. Remus waved his hand and Drizella gasped as Anastasia's toes stitched themselves to her foot. Then he pointed his index finger at lyall.

His father was flung against the wall, pinned by an invisible  force. Remus stepped forward coldly. He thought of everything he felt for Peter, Sirius, and even James, the meddling bastard. He thought of how it felt to be in Sirius's arms, how it felt to have them taken away and any lingering doubts disappeared.

"I am more human than you will ever be" Remus hissed and with that he dropped him, leaving him gasping for air.

Sirius recognized his cue and got on one knee, presenting the no longer blood covered shoe, thanks to a quick cleaning charm. 

"hey Remus, sorry about all this."

"it's dramatic and gaudy and undeniably you,I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sirius grinned at this, and said "you know,I don't think you should ever consider a future in fortune telling, you said I would never see you again, and look where we are."

Remus's voice cracked "you have no idea how glad I am I was wrong." he whispered.

Sirius gestured to the shoe and Remus's scratched up bare feet, "may i" he asked nervously.

Remus slipped his foot into the shoe cautiously and then there was bright blinding light emerging from the shoe and then all at once it stopped.

Remus was standing in the suit he had been wearing the night before and so was Sirius.

Unable to help it, he flung into Sirius's open arms, needing to reacquaint himself with the feeling. 

tenderly, Sirius tipped Remus's chin up 

"hi" was all Sirius said, but this time it was Remus who closed the gap.

"hello, my names Remus, soon to be black I think at this point" Sirius beamed at this and said 

"Remus black, I think I rather like that, well at least a lot more than moon moon" he teased, Remus laughed 

"I panicked ok?"

"and so your instinct was just 'moons'? I'll have to keep that in mind in case I ever spring anything on you. 'hey babe can you do the dishes' 'uh hi my names esmeray ophelia'"

"ah, resorted to the dishwasher,I take it my fortune telling career did not go so well."

"Nope, i'm afraid it didn't, but it's so nice that you have an incredibly wealthy boyfriend/fiance/husband thing, how nice is that."

"Yes I am eternally grateful for my sugar daddy, my glucose guardian, my carbohydrate caretaker, my sucrose sweetheart-" Sirius laughed, and put his hands up in defeat

"you win, you win" 

and Remus thought of all that he had gained in a matter of a day, his humanity, the love of his life, friends that were actually human (that part was rather weird and he was still reeling) and an escape from his family.

"Yes I rather think I did" and closed the distance once more

[mrneighbourlove]

Red Winding River: Ch 2. Couples Counseling

Ocax had never seen Seer so nervous. Talking with Kanisa at the door, he glanced to Seer by the fireplace. “Thank you. I’ll let him know your dragons have the situation contained.”

"... you know, Seer doesn't talk much about what happened during his time at the brothel in his younger years. He doesn't talk much about being Adda's captive either." The princess told Ocax with a heavy sigh. "I think... this situation, the whole thing is a bit... of a bad reminder for him. Of what he wants to forget but can't. Just stay with him, will you? The last thing he needs is to be alone."

“I will. You have my word on that.” Ocax shook her hand, closed the door, and sat beside Seer. “This must be difficult for you.”

"... I rather not talk about it." Seer said very quietly, looking lost. "Please."

“Ok. Then we don’t need to talk about. Just know that I’m here for you.” Ocax hugged Seer from behind, planting a kiss on his side. “Would you like some coffee?”

"Thank you... how about you have your favorite bitter coffee and I'll drink the cocoa you despise?" Seer said in good humor.

“Come. We don’t need to bring negativity into our drinks.” Ocax carefully prepared their favourite hot beverages, and wrapped him and Seer in a fur blanket. They just drank in silence, bodies together for a few moments. “What do you think of the fire?”

"Hrm... which fire?" Seer asked, being smart. "The one in the room or the one in my pants?"

“The room.” Ocax started to learn Seer liked to dirty talk when he got nervous, or had high anxiety.

"Well, it's warm, like you. Very tempting, like you. And let me think..." Seer pretended to be in deep thought. "And once more, like you, somewhat dangerous."

“We never had fire in the twilight realm.”

"Was there no need for it?"

“In a way. We had technology to provide light to our buildings, and there was always the light of Twilight. Do you think Towa is happy?”

"I hope she is, wherever she might be." Seer then added. "But I can't lie. I am happy that she doesn't interrupt our sex anymore."

“True. I just hope she’s relaxing back at the home she wanted.” Ocax rested his neck onto Seers head. “I did the math. I can tell you every day Kanisa doesn’t wear a bra, and I can guess why.”

"Because... Vidar likes the jiggle?"

“And the nibble.” Ocax grinned happily at his joke. “I suppose men like him prefer the nipple.”

"I don't see how she tolerates him sometimes; he can be such a prick." Seer snuggled into Ocax and took a sip of his cocoa. "But he's mostly sweet to her. I don't understand it." He then started to snicker. "Remember when Na'seema's hatchlings stole his bed? He griped about that for weeks. All beside they wanted to sleep beside Kanisa for a night and hear stories."

“Man’s such a baby. How he can tolerate kids is a mystery.” Ocax gave Seer a soft kiss. “You want to sleep by the fire tonight?”

"I have no idea. I'm surprised that he survived Na'seema." Seer snorted in amusement. "Surprised he had two of his own and then wouldn't leave Na'seema's hatchlings alone. Insisting she needed some help. He's all tough on the outside, but soft on the inside."

When Ocax asked about sleeping beside the fire, the killer whale agreed. "That would be nice... do we have that fur pelt in here?"

“Want extra, hmm? I’ll get it. You just think of something pleasant to dream about. Like that whale you told me you dreamed about once. Sounded pleasant.”

"Hrm, it was a very interesting whale. I couldn't quite make him out with my echolocation but I knew he was there. Or she. Not sure." Seer recalled the melodic sound of the whale's voice assuring him everything would be all right. Maybe it was just part of a dream or perhaps a hallucination. Either way, it made him feel peaceful. "Told me I would get home soon. Maybe I was just hearing things."

“Maybe it was real. You got home? Correct?” Ocax burred him and Seer in the giant fur blanket.

"I'd like to think it was real. Sort of hard, hearing a voice but not being able to sense the presence." Seer nuzzled Ocax tenderly. "Still, either way, things turned out just fine. I met you."

“Then let’s dream for that whale to visit us again.”

~

Scarlet threw her clothes to the floor and went onto the king-sized bed. Rat was on story reading duty. Fine by Scarlet. She wasn’t sure how she was going to read with Adda on her mind. Her muscles felt so tight from stress. She just hoped everyone could come to their senses tomorrow.

After reading Trygve and Volcana a story, Rat made sure to tuck both of the children in tightly before returning to the bedroom. It was not going to be a good day or week or month with that pirate around. Why did Lex have to be so... so... so stupid?! Seer raised her better than that, Rat knew it! Groaning, the huge Labrynna flopped over onto the bed, muttering incoherently into a pillow.

“Are you as tired and pissed as I am?”

"Mmm-mmm." Rat's response was muffled by the pillow.

“That sounds about right.” Scarlet groaned, fidgeting in the bed. “Adda, Adda, Adda. Always Adda. Never escaping her stupid plans. I feel like a pawn, even now when I’m actively against her. Why’d she have to come back?”

"Maybe we can convince Na'seema or Stra'tuso to eat her." Rat said dryly. "Or a wonderful 'accident'... and one of the dragons stepped on her when they weren't looking."

“That’d work.” Scarlet leaned onto Rat’s back, wondering when Borghild would come to bed. Best they just forget today and go to bed. Nothing was going to cheer her up... “Least Revy understands. I’m sure Liz will too.”

"All hell is a-going to break loose when Lex tells Liz, you know that, right?" Rat rubbed his forehead. "Maybe it's high time we just take a vacation and opt out on this one. I'm too old to deal with this kinda of bullshit."

“I agree. Fuck... I just wish she wasn’t family to those girls. Or pulled a gun on me. Would have felt justified snapping her neck on the spot.” Scarlet tapped the back of Rat’s muscles. “Or let you snap her like a log.”

"Heh, I may be old, but I still a-got it." Rat flexed for Scarlet, as if he were a flirty teenager trying to show off his muscles. "A little gray won't defeat these guns."

"Please, you call those guns? These are guns." Borghild entered the room stark naked, showing off her biceps. "Don't worry, you're still pretty."

"Even with gray hair?"

"Gray hair, no hair, a lot of hair, it doesn't matter."

“You’re both amazing. But Gerudo don’t got guns. We got cannons~ Besides, my red hairs just gonna get dark with time. And I still got time before I even come close to that.” Scarlet joined in on the flexing. Watching Borghild just stand there was maddening. She was thankful she had two lovebirds to take her mind away from the taint Adda left in gut. “Can you get your blue bust over into bed?”

"I won't be able to rest well knowing that bitch is back." Borghild stretched, extending her arms above her head. "But I suppose nothing is better than trying to take a nap. Bears love naps, you know."

"I love naps squished between two sexy women." Rat grinned at her. "A hot desert mom and a mama bear."

Scarlet grabbed Borghild first, pressing her face in her breasts. “This hot desert mom needs to cuddle this bear before you big man. Then we can all share~”

"Hey, that's not fair, why do I always a-have to wait?" Rat gave a playful pout. "You two a-do this on purpose, me knows it."

"We'll never tell, will we, Scarlet?" Borghild laughed.

“What proof do ya got?” Scarlet was stressed, she couldn’t deny it. Maybe this was what they all needed. As she sucked on Borghild’s breasts, her feet snuck their way to playfully rub against Rat’s crotch.

"I gots proof enough with you always paying more attention to Borgie first."

"How can she resist these, Rat?" Borghild remarked as Scarlet played with her breasts. "You can't."

"Ah, you gots me there, Borgie."

“Rat? You want to do something about it? Or are ya just gonna sit there?”

"I dunno, you a-know I like to watch you two go at it first." Rat had no reason to lie. "We both know how demanding Borgie is."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'controlling'." Borgie gave Scarlet's backside a harsh swat with her hand. "I know how to get what I want."

Scarlet let her moan out freely at the slap. Lying her back on Rat’s stomach, she displayed herself like a plate for Borghild. “You really do.”

"And I don't even have to say 'please'," Borgie tugged sharply on Scarlet's red hair. "Cause you're just happy to give it to me."

Scarlet was embarrassed to admit it, even to herself, but she got turned on when commanded like this. She leaned in, kissing Borghild, practically begging to have her tongue swirl with hers.

"Greedy, are we?"

"Borgie, we both know she used to be a pirate, of course she's a greedy."

"Shush, Rat, let me enjoy this moment." Borghild returned Scarlet's deep kiss and then used her free hands to play with the Gerudo's breasts. "You know how much Scarlet likes to follow..." She leaned in to Scarlet's ears and purred. "Orders."

“S-Stop teasing...” Scarlets hands pulled Borghild closer by the hips. She just wanted the smaller woman as close as possible to her. Her ass was sitting firmly on Rat’s cock now, squirming around at Borghild’s actions and words.

"Well, maybe, this time, I want to enjoy the show." Borghild bent down where her husband's erection rubbed against Scarlet's ass. The Gerudo woman's legs were already wide open and it was easy access. Guiding Rat's cock to Scarlet's opening, she gave a flick to the woman's clit before allowing Rat to slip inside the already moist walls. "I want to watch you get fucked. I want to see your face when you're cumming."

"By the gods, Borgie, you're so hot when you a-talk dirty..."

"You fuck her good, Rat... I wanna hear her moaning and your balls slapping against her."

“Oh! Oh please!” Rat grasped Scarlet firmly and fucked her at a firm pace. The Gerudo’s tits bounced and her face contorted into carnal pleasure. She practically had hearts in her eyes as she looked at Borghild. “H-he’s so hard on me!”

"You like him to be hard on you, don't you, naughty girl?" Borghild asked with a sly smirk. As Rat held onto Scarlet's hips and thrust upward, there was indeed a show for Borghild. This was one of Scarlet's favorite positions from what Borghild knew. The mama bear knew that Scarlet liked it deep and steady at first, and then as she got closer to climax, a fast, hard finish. As the Direnor bear watched, she touched herself, getting slick with love juices. "See what you do to me?"

“I make you both wet as a river~” Scarlet almost giggled the words. Her pussy tightened at the sight of Borghild, squeezing on Rat’s cock. “I’m gonna cum soon!”

Her hands grabbed Borghild by the ass, and her tongue swirled deep into her wet folds as Scarlet pushed her mouth in to get a taste.

"Oh fuck, yes, yes,  yes!" Borghild was by no means quiet with her vocalizations. As Scarlet's tongue worked her magic, Rat increased his thrusts, fast, harder, deeper, just like Scarlet liked. Borghild's nails scraped against Scarlet's scalp as she neared her orgasm. "Swirl it... around th-the... fuck, fuck, the top, yes! Just like that!"

Scarlet clawed her wife’s ass as she pushed deep. The Gerudo’s eyes nearly rolled back as the Direnor came, her pussy juices being lathered up. She loved how tight her fingers grasped her head as Borghild screamed. Her own screams of orgasm were muffled as she was still head deep into Borghild’s crotch, but Rat’s continued thrusting awarded him.

Rat was not far behind his wives, gripping Scarlet's hips so hard that there were sure to be bruises later. He groaned loudly as he orgasmed, quivering from head to toe. How did men deal with have more than one wife? Sure, it was double the fun, double the pleasure, but goodness, it left him so tired. Then again, he was getting rather old.

"You two... I swear, make me a-feel young again..."

Scarlet playfully pulled Borghild to be sandwiched between her and Rat, facing her close to herself. “Of course. You’re a hunky man~ And you’re a blue battery of love~”

"Direnors can go and go and go for ages..." Borghild laughed. "I think when Rat and I had our first night together, he slept until the next day."

"You drained me of ALL bodily fluids, Borgie, a man has to have time to rest with such a wild woman." Rat chuckled in good humor.

“God. You both drain the hell out of me, I’ll tell ya that.” Scarlet laughed in good fun. “Let’s... lets just sleep. Think about just the three of us in this moment until the morning.”

"Agreed... but if you snore, I'm kicking you."

"Not if I get to her first."

“Bugger off you two.” Scarlet pulled them in close, quickly falling asleep. Her last thoughts were hoping Adda wasn’t going to hurt her family again.

 _______________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/188828626641/red-winding-river-ch-1-hellraiser

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/189130622691/red-winding-river-ch-3-paying-for-blood

[daisychains4]

Can’t Handle You | Chapter 9: Barcelona

Can’t Handle You | Masterlist

Warnings: One curse word

AN: Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

“If everything in your house had to be one color, what would you pick?” Shawn was picking at his guitar while Brian played FIFA on the PS4 they’d hooked up in Shawn’s hotel room. To Brian, the question came out of nowhere.

“Huh?” Brian asked, keeping his attention on the game.

“You know, like if everything in your house had to all be the same color, what color would it be?” Shawn asked again.

“I don’t know, blue I guess,” said Brian noncommittally.

“Blue, really?” asked Shawn incredulously. “I think I would get tired of that.”

“Maybe,” said Brian, “but who the fuck cares?” he turned his attention back to the game.

 “It’s just a question,” said Shawn, pseudo-defensively.

“Where in the world did it come from?”

Shawn momentarily contemplated telling Brian about the stack of notes he had saved, shoved into a journal where he wrote down song lyrics that flitted into his head day and night. About how a stranger - a mystery woman - had captured his attention with the witty notes she’d begun to sign with an X, handwritten in a hybrid of cursive and print with architectural As and cursive Fs that were written lazily, quickly, the effect being that the letter looked backwards. He thought about telling Brian that despite his pride in getting to know everyone on the tour, someone in his entourage had managed to escape his attention. Or maybe, he thought to himself, it’s someone I do know. He thought about the women in his crew, their personalities, whether he’d ever seen their handwriting. But something told him that this woman wasn’t Addison or his stylist Tiffany or the girls in hair and makeup. This woman - who was equal parts witty and thoughtful based on the notes and the way she cared for him - had a humor to her that he hadn’t seen from the women who toured with him. And that’s how he would describe what she’d been doing: caring for him. The tea, the earring solution, the scarf, the most incredible gift she’d given him in Italy, of those moments when he closed his eyes and believed he was in his childhood home. Something about all of this told Shawn that he was missing someone, that he hadn’t been paying as close attention as he’d thought.

“Dude?” Brian asked, finally noticing that Shawn had disappeared inside his head.

“I don’t know,” Shawn said, shaking himself out of his train of thought. “Nowhere I guess.” He wasn’t ready to share this somewhat unconventional friendship with Brian yet. Some part of him wanted to keep her all to himself.

 ---------------------------------------------------

The note was sticking out of a pocket of Shawn’s backpack when you found it just hours before the Barcelona show.

Gray, it said decisively. It’s the only color I can think of that I wouldn’t get tired of, and it comes in a million shades. I would never be able to give up my guitars, though, and they’re all different colors, so I won’t be living in a monochromatic house anytime soon.

And before you go calling me boring (again), I’ll remind you that the point of this game is that I ask questions that will help me figure out who you are. It’s a little unfair. You already know who I am.

You chuckled at this. He was right, you had to admit to yourself. The game was more than a little one-sided.

You finished steaming Shawn’s shirts, knowing he would want to go out after the show tonight, and you thought about his latest question: Where are you from? And I want to know more than just the name of the city. Tell me about your home.

 ---------------------------------------------------

It was never lost on you how incredible the experience of a Shawn Mendes show was. You watched your twelfth show of the tour from the floor with Addison and a few others from the crew. This was your first time to see the show as a member of the audience rather than backstage, and it was unlike anything you’d seen before. The energy of the crowd was infectious, and you found yourself singing loudly along with them, fangirling with the rest, forgetting momentarily that earlier today, you had been folding Shawn’s underwear into drawers in yet another hotel room. If only the surrounding crowd knew. You chuckled to yourself, then let the show carry you away.

 ---------------------------------------------------

When Shawn made his way into the green room after the show, sweat was dripping from every part of him. He grabbed a towel to soak up some of the perspiration - evidence of another adrenaline-pumping performance - and passed through the green room and into his dressing room to shower. As he stood in front of the lighted mirror, toweling off his hair while the shower heated up, he caught sight of a note tucked underneath the corner of his toiletry kit.

The note was the longest yet - almost a page. He leaned against the vanity, unable to resist reading it, when Brian burst through the door. Shawn hastily stuffed the note into his toiletry bag. Luckily, Brian wasn’t the most observant person, so he didn’t notice Shawn’s behavior.

“Hurry up, man!” Brian said excitedly. “We’re going out tonight!”

“Alright!” Shawn laughed with his best friend. “I’m going!”

It wasn’t until hours later, holed up in his Barcelona hotel bed, that Shawn read:

Austin, Texas. It’s not as backwoods-country as people tend to think. We don’t all have thick Southern accents and I’ve never seen anyone ride a horse to work, although once, in high school, someone did bring a pig to first period.

Austin is a huge urban city. We have some of the best food in the world. Maybe I haven’t been as many places as you, but so far, nothing I’ve tasted has beaten what you can find in any of the food trucks on South Congress. Maybe it suggests I’m an indecisive person, but I really can’t think of anything better than fusion food because it’s the best of all the worlds. Give me Kimchi fries from Chi’lantro and a bahn mi from Van’s. Or find me at Whiskey and Fried Chicken Wednesdays at The Peached Tortilla. (That place started as a food truck, too. Maybe I just love food trucks.)

A lot of Texas is flat, but not Austin. Austin is Hill Country. When I was little, my mom would take me to the top of Mount Bonnell (which is less mountain, more hill), and I thought I was standing on the top of the world. We have Lake Travis, bats (look them up), and the most beautiful parks. I learned to ride a bike at Zilker Park, which is this completely incredible piece of land dead in the middle of the city, but when you’re there, you forget that you’re in a city at all (a little like Central Park, in fact, which is near where I live now). I learned to swim in Barton Springs, a massive spring-fed pool that’s the perfect temperature all year long. I went swimming there in the winter once. The water felt ok, but getting out of the water was a totally different story. I’m in no rush to do that again.

Austin is the perfect place to live if - like me - your love of the outdoors is equal to your love of the city. The sunrises are magical, only rivalled by the beauty of sunsets.

But my very favorite thing about Austin is the music. We’re known for it - the Live Music Capital of the World. It’s where Janis Joplin and Stevie Ray Vaughn started. And later, Spoon and Iron & Wine (two of my favorites). It’s everywhere, in every part of our culture. You can hardly go out to dinner most nights of the week without being subjected to some live musician or other.

I grew up surrounded by music. It fills every part of me. Every memory - good and bad - comes with a song attached. And while I don’t have it in me to play or sing or even write, I need to be near it. I guess that’s why I’m here, chasing around a world-famous rockstar while he lives his dream. Folding a rockstar’s underwear is less glamorous than it sounds - but there’s nothing quite like the music. I’d follow it anywhere.

X

P.S. What would you name your boat if you had one?

Taglist | @librarianct, @5secondsofjade4499, @theetherealbloom

[fifth-times-the-charm]

Letting Go Part I.

How can you really be friends with someone who was never really your friend?

After months of complaining to so many people, I was almost ready to let it go. I’ve contemplated “letting it fade” after the platonic dinner we had last week. Coming into that dinner, I spent half the week preparing myself to confront you for completely dismissing my request for dinner the Wednesday before. I practiced sounding more ‘objective’ so that I didn’t come off as some crazy bitch who kept rewatching your Instagram stories to see if I could identify signs of a new girl. However, after 2 weeks of not seeing each other and catching up, I realized there was a much bigger elephant in the room. It was the end of this fling we were having, more specifically, it was the end of any more dates, flirting, sex and hope that all these would’ve blossomed into anything romantic.

In the end, I didn’t speak up because the elephant was so obvious that addressing anything else would’ve been like tormenting a carcass. After all, it was just casual, right? So as we hugged goodbye, mutually agreeing in silence to just part ways without any post-dinner activities, I decided that was it - the closure I needed.

The next day, I kept myself busy at work and tried to resist the temptation of opening up Instagram so that I didn’t fall into the same trap again. After 2 days of successfully staying off, I decided to test my willpower and take a peek at Pandora’s box. I gotta admit, you looked really good in your dental scrubs playing with your nephews. I rewatched it again several times to remind myself that despite physical attraction and your ‘paper perfect’ qualities, you are not for me.

But something unconsciously lingered anyway as it prompted me to send you a ‘friendly’ snap later that night of the small-ass TV currently sitting in my living room. I thought you would’ve found it funny, since we used to watch Netflix on a much bigger screen. No reply. “OK he must be busy”, I assured myself, “on a Friday night”. Of course you were busy, you were eating at a fancy Mexican restaurant in Tustin at 9pm. It obviously wasn’t a party of 1 and I wondered if that was who you went to Mexico with a while back when I was felt us drifting. Where the real joke lied though, was that you complained two days ago about the idea of driving 45 minutes to Irvine for the Japanese food I had recommended. And there you were, 10 minutes away from me.

Talking it out with some friends over liquor that night made me realize “letting it fade” was just an euphemism for staying in a limbo. I was convinced that I needed to solidly cut this ‘friends with benefit’ relationship to eliminate this tension we had and to save the possibility of a friendship or even acquaintance down the line. By the time I went to therapy and started talking about you the next day, it finally occurred to me that I have been putting you on a pedestal this whole time. All these enticing qualities about you, I discovered myself from the long hours I spent digging through your social media, trying to learn more about you and getting past the jokester façade you always put out. I manifested the idea of how great you were from what you posted to the world, but not from our interactions over text or in person. For some time, I even forgot all the wonderful people in my life that I would’ve never been able to share with you anyway because I remembered you always carried a hint of judgment and close-mindedness.

So even when you commented on my stories of tacos that Saturday, I brushed it off until it was convenient for me to reply. That’s what regular friendship is - there is no inclination for me to prioritize you above my family and close friends. I nonchalantly check your story again, this time you’re at a brewery you once took me to, with your boys, no biggie. I thought you would’ve laughed that I saw the same dog and corn hole in the background of my friend’s story too. Just a friend.

I woke up the next morning to your message that you had ran into my co-worker at the club, the one whom you met when I brought you to her Spotify release party a while back. You even sent me a short selfie video of you two dancing. I couldn’t help but find it hilarious and actually kind of endearing, like those times you tried to video chat me during your car ride with your best friend on New Year’s Eve.

Later that day, I saw that you also went to the same Viet restaurant again where we had our last encounter a couple days ago. I poked fun at you because it was your 3rd time eating pho that week. Clearly you shared my humor as you decided to let me know the next day that you really craved pho for lunch, but opted for Top Ramen instead. I chuckled, suggesting tacos being a great alternative. You replied, “Too bad it’s not Taco Tuesday”. “Well”, I bantered, “Everyday can be Taco Tuesday if you go to Taqueria Los Gueros”. That was your favorite spot in Anaheim for cheap tacos that you showed me.

And of course that’s what you end up getting for dinner, which I found out on your story later that night. I get paranoid. I noticed that you haven’t been active on Instagram or Facebook for a while after posting your story, so you must be eating with someone else and having a great time. But the story only had a snippet of the table and it’s unlike you to not add tags...unless she is in the same boat that I was. Or maybe not, because you’ve recently updated your dating profile to broadcast your sudden love for stout beers. I would know, because I can recite the details of your page like I’ve studied it a million times. I decided to give one last benefit of the doubt and comment with an ‘clapping emoji’ on your taco story. A true applause to the thought of you DMing me that picture like you usually do because I gave you the idea in the first place. You probably didn’t find it funny this time around, and maybe even an ounce of guilt, because you left it at ‘seen’.

I gave you that talk back in January that if you were to seriously see another girl or to sleep with her, you should let me know so I can back off. You agreed that you would never string me along or hurt me. You probably didn’t know that I would rather you be upfront than be a coward to “let me down easy”.

I don’t know why I had the expectation that I was different. Because I let you into my home. Because I introduced you to my friends and bonded well with yours. Because I showed you new food spots and made you dumplings and beef noodle soup from scratch. Because I brought back your favorite BBQ pork buns from San Francisco. Because I binge watched the shows you recommended and started listening to country. Because I was patient and “chill” and acted like I was down for anything, like ‘testing waters’, whatever that meant. I realized I had to employ what you taught me about dealing with stress: don’t think about things you can’t control. Quite frankly, no matter how much I try, from the get-go you were looking for something else and I couldn’t stop you. I know I didn’t see myself in anything long-term with you, but I had a glimmer of hope that somehow you would’ve admitted that you liked me so that I wasn’t the only vulnerable one.

What exactly will a ‘friendship’ between us look like? Not sure if it will be substantial, but why don’t I be the bigger person to cut it off first and find out?

[puckinginsane]

Amnesia - Jamie Benn - One Shot

Warnings : a little bit of cursing

It killed him not to check plus one when he was filling out the RSVP, but so much was up in the air with his relationship, or lack thereof. He certainly didn’t want to get stuck in the position to have to find a date at the last minute, not that he would want to bring anyone else. He also wouldn’t dare waste one of his closest friend’s money by showing up with no one, so single it is. For the first time in four years he’s going to be the single guy at the wedding. The envelope would sit on his counter top for days before he sent it out. Weeks. It was weeks. He had to be reminded by the groom that they hadn’t received it yet, so his hand was forced. Jamie Benn. Painfully going alone. Grilled Balsamic Salmon.

As the days and weeks lead up to the wedding there is a part of him that hopes she would come around and realize she wanted to give it another go. He’d ask for there to be a way to fit her in. He’d offer to sit at another table, or sit nowhere at all, just as long as she’d be able to come with him. He’d torture himself with the thoughts of what would happen, the romanticism of a wedding making her realize that she wants that too, and more importantly wants that with him. At the very least he’d have someone to keep him company and to make him feel more at ease. Being social has never been his strong suit. She has always been the one to ease his anxiety and make him feel more comfortable. The call never comes. The text never comes.

She had been looking forward to her cousin’s wedding ever since she found out about the engagement. She considers them the perfect couple. She couldn’t be happier that two people have found each other and decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. She’s almost as excited for the wedding as if it were her own. The second she got the invitation in the mail she filled out the RSVP immediately and sent it right out. She didn’t even give it a second thought. She wouldn’t be bringing anyone. She didn’t want to be tied down to make sure someone else was having a good time. She wanted to be free, free from all of the pressures of being with someone. Emily Jones. Single and loving it. Grilled Balsamic Salmon.

When she says single and loving it, she means it. It’s not a coping mechanism or to be cliche, it’s a fact. She definitely wouldn’t turn down a date if the right guy came along but she’s not actively looking. She’s decided, instead, to focus on her career as general manager of the hotel she works in, a position she was recently promoted to. She’d be the first one to tell you that working in hospitality isn’t for everyone, but that she absolutely loves her job and couldn’t see herself doing anything else. Personable, sympathetic, an incredible problem solver, and a true love for people makes her perfect for the job. Cool, calm, and collected in every situation.

It was a beautiful ceremony, as most wedding ceremonies are. Full of humor and sappiness, just like the bride and groom. On opposite sides of the church, Emily and Jamie also have opposite feelings about the whole thing. Emily loudly cheers for her cousin when she gets to kiss her husband for the first time as a married couple. Jamie is happy for his friend, but can’t help feeling sorry for himself that somehow he let the woman he was hoping to spend the rest of his life with walk away from him.

The one thing the both of them can agree on is that they are both thankful for the open bar. Jamie grabs a beer right away and finds a place away from the crowd to stand until cocktail hour is over. He’s not in the mood for little snacks and he sure as hell is not in the mood to talk to anyone. He parks himself in his spot and observes.

Emily’s first stop is also the bar, after she touches base with her mother and father of course. Rum and Coke is her go to drink. She makes the rounds during cocktail hour, never with an empty plate in her hand. It was there she notices Jamie. The handsome man against the wall staring at his phone, looking way too sad to be at a wedding. Looking way too sad to be anywhere, really. She attempts to go talk to him but she is pulled away by her brother and by the time she looks back over he is no longer there.

Jamie is seated at a table with people he knows so at least the night is not a total loss. He has light conversation here and there but for the most part he is glued to his phone, wishing she were next to him. This wedding is just another reminder of how alone he is, that he has to start over, that he has to move on. Moving on seems impossible to him at the moment. No one makes him feel the way she did, no one understands him the way she did, no one could possibly put up with him the way she did.

As the reception goes on, more and more people leave the table for various reasons. Some go to talk, dance, get drinks. Jamie leaves the table to go to the bar only to return to his spot and sits back down. It doesn’t take him long to be completely alone, which he prefers at this point. He’s wallowing in his misery when Mike, the groom, walks over and sits down next to him. “You’re bringing everyone down, man.”

Jamie continues to stare down at his phone. “They don’t have to look.”

“Listen, I know you’re hurting and this really isn’t your thing normally but you are capable of having a good time. I know you do. And you know plenty of people here so you’re not uncomfortable. Please do me a favor and get out of this chair and try to have fun.”

He looks up from his phone only to glare at Mike but someone catches Jamie’s eye behind him. Someone beautiful. Someone he’s never seen before. He finds himself staring, surprised he noticed her at all.

Mike notices and looks in the direction of Jamie’s focus. “You see someone you know?” He sees that Jamie has been staring at his wife’s cousin, Emily, and smiles.

He shakes his head, partially to say no and partially to get rid of the feeling of intrigue he finds himself having. “No. I don’t know her.”

“Ohh. You’d like to, though.”

“What? No.”

Mike stands up. “Get up. I’ll introduce you.”

Jamie again shakes his head in protest. “No. Fuck no. No.”

“There’s no harm in talking to her. And she just happens to be Abby’s cousin so I know her. She’s good people. Single.”

“Don’t.”

“I’m just saying, if you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.” He might have been. Deep down in the back of his mind somewhere he might have been wondering what her story is.

“Please get up and talk to her. For me. I can’t stand to see you over here moping like this. I know you haven’t forgotten how to have a good time. Plus, you have to admit she’s not bad to look at.”

Jamie slightly smiles, only slightly, though. “Fine.” He stands up.

“I’m about to introduce you to the second hottest girl here, second to my wife of course, so don’t act like it’s a burden.”

“Thank you for your service to the miserable and pathetic,” Jamie very dryly says.

Mike claps him on the back. “You’re welcome.”

Emily has once more noticed Jamie sitting sad and alone at his table. She wishes she could get a better read on him. She’s getting a vibe that the last thing he would want is someone to talk to him, especially someone he doesn’t know. She couldn’t let him sit there and be miserable, though, could she? Her instinct is to want to help in some way but she wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He looks up now and again and shoots daggers around the room with his eyes. She decides that approaching him would be a bad idea. It doesn’t stop her from continuing to watch him, though.

The bride, Abigail, Abby to everyone that knows her, notices Emily’s new fascination to her husband’s good friend and makes her way over to her. “You see something you like, Em?”

“I can’t really tell.”

“You know I’m talking about that guy over there, right? The one sitting by himself.”

“Yeah, I figured. It’s just, he’s good looking and everything but seems kind of miserable.”

“You should go talk to him,” Abby suggests, desperate for Emily to snap out of her crusade against relationships.

“He doesn’t really look like he wants to be talked to.”

“He always looks like that.”

“Oh great. Just what I need.”

“He just needs someone to be friendly. He recently got his heart broken.”

“You really suck at selling this. You know that, right?”

“I’m begging you to go talk to him.”

“Do you realize you’re trying to set me up at your own wedding?”

“I found my forever. Time for you to find yours.”

“I’m literally going to throw up. Never say that again.”

Abby laughs and hugs her. “I just want you to be happy.”

Emily knows that this is partially true, but this is also coming from a bride that is high on the feeling of her wedding day. “He’s super hot but…I don’t know. He really doesn’t look like he needs someone hitting on him.”

“So don’t hit on him. Just talk to him. He’s not the guy who’s going to go up to you, though, you gotta initiate.”

“I just…”

“I’m not saying anything other than be nice to him. Look, he’s looking over here.”

“He is?” Emily nonchalantly glances over in Jamie’s direction and sees that he is looking over at them while Mike seems to be talking his ear off.

“Yeah, and it’s not at me.”

Emily sighs, knowing that going over there is probably going to be a bad idea but unable to resist temptation any longer. “Ok. Yeah. I’ll go talk to him.” Abby hugs Emily once more and continues to mingle around the room feeling pretty proud of herself. Emily stops at the bar to grab herself another drink before making her way over to where Jamie’s sitting.

Mike and Jamie turn around briefly and lose sight of Emily. Jamie’s relieved and sits back down. Mike continues to scan the room. “Where could she have gone? We looked away for two seconds.”

“Not a big deal. Forget it.”

Emily approaches them with her drink already half gone. She hugs Mike. “Congratulations, Mike. You know how much I love you two together.”

“Almost as much as you like rum and Coke together,” he teases. He sniffs the drink. “Strong.”

“I tip well.”

He catches a glance of Jamie and is quickly reminded of his plans. “OH! Right. Em, I’d like you to meet my very good friend, Jamie. Jamie, this is Emily. You guys should…talk.”

He winks before walking away, leaving Emily and Jamie awkwardly looking at each other. Jamie reluctantly stands back up and shakes her hand. “Nice meeting you.”

“Why did he pause when he said we should talk?”

“Because he’s an idiot.”

Emily laughs. “He means well, I’m sure.”

Jamie is taken aback by her laugh. It stuns him for a few seconds. He’s surprised by how much he loves it. He finds himself smiling a real smile for the first time all day. It wasn’t in response to what she said, but her beautiful laugh. He now feels at ease. Emily is not his typical type. She has dark brown hair and he usually goes for blondes. Her light blue eyes catch him off guard and he finds himself looking away. She has curves in all the right places and by the way her dress fits on her he can tell that she knows it and knows how to flaunt it. She just might be the perfect distraction.

“I’m sorry if they made you feel obligated to come over here and talk to me. You don’t have to stay.”

“I wanted to on my own but I didn’t think you wanted anyone to.”

“I didn’t, but maybe I’ve changed my mind.” He finally looks up at her again and smiles a little.

She finds him cute and awkward in an endearing kind of way. She loves his dimples and his big brown eyes. She’s dying to know more about how he got to this place but she doesn’t want to push it or make him uncomfortable. Things seem to be going well. The loud music makes it near impossible to make any kind of connection. “Do you want to talk outside? It’s quieter, less people.”

“Yeah, ok.”

Jamie and Emily walk outside and a little ways down so they are out of the way and have a little bit of privacy to talk without having to worry about getting interrupted. Neither of them know where to go but they continue walking down the pathway until they see a gazebo. Without saying a word to one another they both decide that the gazebo would be the perfect place to have a conversation. Both of them are also extremely thankful there’s a bench to sit down on in it.

They sit in a little bit of awkward silence before Emily realizes that she’s going to be the one who’s going to have to conduct this conversation. It’s not that she minds, she definitely doesn’t, she’s just hoping that trying to get him to talk won’t be like pulling teeth. She decides to start off with an easy, less intrusive question. “So, how do you know Mike?”

“Uh. We train together. Workout. Uh. In the gym.”

She fights a smile. Maybe no question is an easy question for him. This just makes her want to ask more. She also now has the mental image of him working out in the gym, something she really doesn’t need to be imagining right now. The tight cut of his suit leaves little to the imagination. He’s in shape, that much she knows. His thighs are like tree trunks and the way his blazer protrudes from his backside she can only imagine that his ass is amazing. Nicer than some girls she knows, that’s for sure. She couldn’t help herself from looking earlier. “He married my cousin. That’s how I know him.”

“He told me.”

“Oh. So you guys were talking about me. All good things I hope.”

“Not much. Just that I should stop bringing the party down and that you’d be perfect to talk to.”

“Ouch, Mike, a little harsh on the first part. I’m flattered, though.”

He continues to look forward and at the ground. “Not that harsh.”

“Abby told me you got your heart broken. I don’t blame you for not being overly joyful. I won’t ask. I mean, I’m curious, but…”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“I don’t like talking about myself much at all.”

Emily understands. She knows from dealing with all sorts of personalities on an everyday basis that not everyone is comfortable with talking about themselves. He seems more like the observant type, which is true, but there is a more fun side to Jamie that not everyone gets to see. His inner circle of family and friends see a whole other side to him that he keeps protected from the rest of the world usually. Once in a great while it will come out, but for the most part he’s quiet and more calculated with what everyone gets from him. She doesn’t mind being the one doing most of the talking. All she wants is for him to be comfortable with her. Maybe one day she will get to see another side of him, another side she’s sure is hiding deep down in there somewhere.

“As you know, I’m Emily.” The ends of his lips curl up into a bit of a smile. “I don’t really mind talking about myself. I’m the general manager at the W in Dallas. I’m proud to say I just recently got promoted to that position.”

Jamie’s face lights up at the familiarity of her place of work. “W, eh? I used to live in a condo there.”

“Oh yeah? Wow. What do you do that you can afford that? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“I’m…” He stops to think. Does he want to tell her what he does just yet? Not really. That would just open up the possibilities for questions he is not in the mood to answer right now. “Just Jamie.” It does amuse him that she probably passes his picture in Victory Plaza just about every day and she has no idea who he is. He’s also very thankful for the fact that she has no idea who he is.

“Hmm. Just Jamie, huh? So does that make you the dark and mysterious type? A tortured soul?”

“No, that’s not me. There’s nothing mysterious about me and not all that tortured.”

“Oh. So just miserable.”

He chuckles. “Pretty much.”

“How can I help you be less miserable?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do.”

“Ah yes. Time heals all wounds.”

“Something like that.”

“I got you out of there at least.”

“You did, although, I could have come out here by myself at any time.”

“But you didn’t. Maybe you are a bit of a tortured soul. You torture yourself.”

He looks down at the ground knowing that she has hit the nail right on the head. “Maybe.”

“Maybe definitely,” she retorts. She’s not going to let him get away with that one.

He smiles. “Ok. Fine. You got me.”

“She really did a number on you.”

“I should have let her go a long time ago.”

“At least you know now.”

“It doesn’t stop me from wishing it were different.”

“If it’s truly over then thinking like that isn’t going to get you anywhere but more miserable. You need a distraction. Go skydiving or something.”

“I hate heights.”

“Even more reason to do it. It would take your mind off of her.”

“It’s never going to happen.” Does he mean the skydiving or getting his mind off of her? Probably both at this point.

“I wish there was some magic suggestion, but the truth is there’s really nothing you can do but wait. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“At least you’re honest. Everyone thinks they have the solution.”

“Amnesia.”

He laughs hard, harder than he’s laughed in a long time. His smile melts her heart and his laugh is adorable. She loves the way his eyes crinkle and his dimples cut into his cheeks when he laughs.

He’s still smiling when he asks, “why didn’t I think of that?”

Before Emily could say anything else one of her other cousins peeks her head into the gazebo. “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. They’re about to toss the bouquet and garter now, Em, hurry!” Just as quick as she showed up, she disappears.

Emily rolls her eyes. “I don’t know why she thinks I want to be a part of that.”

“We don’t have to go in.” Jamie’s hoping she will take the hint and want to stay in the gazebo with him.

Emily knows that her family would rather her be a part of the bouquet toss. As much as she’d rather stay outside with Jamie, she knows she should go inside. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll catch the bouquet and you catch the garter.”

The idea stuns Jamie. Everything inside him is screaming that that’s the last thing he wants. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. “Uhhhhhh.”

“Come onnnnn. Please? It might be fun.” The idea of him possibly getting to touch her has now made it her mission to catch that bouquet.

He sighs. “You have a deal.”

This is the last thing Emily thought she would be doing, lining up for the bouquet toss. Before a few minutes ago she had planned to skip the whole thing entirely. She suddenly has a newfound inspiration to be the one who catches it. She positions herself in the middle of the group, not afraid to push anyone out of the way who threatens her chances. Abby is surprised to see her out there, knowing how against it she was, so she has it in her mind to aim for Emily and hope for the best.

Victorious! Emily is successful in catching the bouquet. Now it’s all up to Jamie to catch the garter. Abby whispers to Mike to aim for Jamie, which he had planned to do anyway once he saw Jamie in the group. Jamie’s taller than mostly everyone there, so he thinks it shouldn’t be a problem to catch it. He stands in the back and a little away from the group and signals to Mike to send it his way. Mike acknowledges him with a nod. Unfortunately for Emily, Abby, Mike, and Jamie expectations and execution aren’t always the same thing. The garter fling doesn’t go as far as they hoped and is caught by someone in the front. Not just any someone, though, Emily’s brother David.

Jamie hangs his head. He failed, not that he even had a chance to catch it from where he was standing. The garter never came close to him. Mike mouths “sorry” to Jamie and Jamie shrugs. At least he tried. Jamie didn’t want to be involved in this anyway. Emily glares at David, who has now ruined everything. He is the last person on Earth, let alone in the room, that she wants touching her.

While they set everything up for the exchanging of the garter Emily smacks David on the chest. “Ow, what the hell, Em?”

“Why would you catch it knowing it was me? This is disgusting!” she whispers loudly as she scolds him.

“I wasn’t about to let any of those guys touch my baby sister. I was doing you a favor.”

“I had a plan, you moron! Ugh. This is going to be so embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know. I thought that you were above all of this anyway.”

“I changed my mind. God, you suck. I cannot believe this is happening. I would never have come back inside if I knew you’d the the one to catch it.”

“I have delicate hands. Don’t worry.” He laughs. David might be a little on the drunk side, not quite realizing what he’s done yet.

“You’re gross. Let’s just get this over with.”

Emily begrudgingly sits down on the chair that’s set up in the middle of the dance floor. What she really wants to do is kick her drunk brother in the face for being so protective that he’s ruined her master plan. As everyone starts to gather around to watch she regrets her decision to come back inside. She could have still been outside talking to Jamie. Her anger, once again, turns to David. She catches a glimpse of her parents, who look a little horrified, and hangs her head. She doesn’t even want to know what Jamie’s thinking right now. She can’t bring herself to look over at him, if he’s even still in the room. She feels bad for dragging him in for this only to be standing on the sidelines.

Jamie never wanted to be in the spotlight. There was definitely a part of him that was relieved that he didn’t catch the garter. He’s not one to want to be the center of attention, however, as soon as that guy kneels down in front of Emily he feels a wave of heat overcome him. What is that? Could he possibly be jealous? She covers her eyes and laughs as he awkwardly puts the garter around her foot and moves it up her leg. Jamie finds himself clenching his fist and his jaw as that fucker makes it past her knee. He doesn’t go higher but that’s enough to make Jamie’s blood boil. He is, in fact, jealous.

Everything is a blur for Jamie after that, right up until Emily finds him again. Her smiling face snaps him back to reality. He smiles back at her, unsure she said anything to him while he was in his rageful fog. “I did my part, what happened to you out there?” she teases a she touches his arm.

“Sorry. Blame Mike. He was aiming for me and did a horrible job.”

“I really wanted it to be you. I sure as hell didn’t want it to be my brother.”

Jamie feels his heart rate drop to a normal pace. The heat in his body has gone away. “That was your brother?”

“Yeah. He thought he was protecting me or whatever. He’s so weird.”

“I could understand why he didn’t want anyone else touching you.” He looks right into her eyes when he says it, right into her soul.

“I only ever wanted it to be one person.” They continue to look into each other’s eyes.

“Sorry I failed you.”

“Make it up to me by dancing with me.” She grabs his hand and stands close to him.

He makes a feeble attempt to protest. “No. But I…” He sighs. There’s no use in rejecting her, he does want to dance with her. It’s time to let those fears and insecurities go and just try to be happy again.

He holds onto her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers while he wraps his other arm around her back, resting his hand on her waist. They sway with the music as he rests his head against hers. Never in his life has he felt so comfortable with someone he doesn’t know so quickly.

She hopes that even if it’s just for the length of this song, or even just for a second or two, that he’s not thinking about her, the one who broke his heart, something Emily could never imagine doing. She’d love to be his temporary distraction. She’d love even more to be his permanent distraction. She will take what she can get, though, if one dance is all she gets she will make the most of it.

All Jamie can think about is that he doesn’t care if it was her brother or not, he doesn’t ever want anyone else touching her but him. He lowers his head slightly so his lips are right next to her ear and softly whispers, “this is so much better than skydiving.”

It sends goosebumps down her spine, all over her body really. She looks up at him and smiles. He smiles back at her. Not only has he found his distraction, he has found his amnesia.

[pharmacyfollies]

I’m Dying, Ya’ll: Pharmacy Follies

I'm sure the doctor would say I have a bad cold but I'm sure I have some rare disease that's causing me to blow my nose a million times in 30 minutes, but before I depart to the big Wrigley Field in the sky, I'll humor you son'bitches! Pharmacy Follies coming right up! Enjoy!!

-It's busy as shit and I notice a woman in line with a cart load of shit.

Me: "Can I help you?"

Idiot: "I have a flex spending card and I want to know if I can buy all of this stuff? I need to use my card before the end of the year or else I'll lose all the money on it."

Me: "Are you sure you can buy all of that with the flex spending card? Some cards require prescriptions in order to pay for OTC stuff and some require that you only buy specific manufacturers."

Idiot: "I'm sure. I did this at Costco last time and it worked."

And personal experience, and my luck, told me that not everything would be covered but before I began to torture myself...

Me: "Ok, just let me ring out the gentleman behind you. He's been waiting for a prescription."

Idiot: "But I was here first."

Me: "I know, however, ringing up all of your stuff is going to take a while and I'd rather get him out quickly before I spend time taking care of you."

And you can bet your sweet asses that I rang him out because there was no way I was going to make him wait while the impending clusterfuck was about to go down. So I rang up all of her shit. Comes out to $296. She swipes her flex spending card. So why was I NOT surprised when it shows she owes $176? Here's where the fun begins...

Me: "Your balance is $176."

Idiot: "I have $176 left on my card?"

Me: "No, you owe $176. Your card did not cover everything."

Idiot: "Are you serious? What didn't they cover?"

Me: "I have no idea. The register doesn't tell me."

Idiot: "Can you take off the stuff they don't cover?"

Me: "I don't know what they cover. At this point, I'll have to void everything and start over."

I knew this was going to fucking happen. It also doesn't help that I have a line of people and this shit is wasting my time. I call a manager to void it all and Idiot begins to sort through all of the bags to see what she really wants.

Me: "The best thing yo do is go online to find out what exactly they cover. These cards can be extremely picky about what they cover."

After dicking off for 15 minutes, she wants me to try again. I ring up her shit. It comes out to $150. She swipes the card. She owes $98.

Me: "You owe $98."

Idiot: "Are you serious?! What if we start over and we ring a few things at a time?"

Me: "To be honest with you, I don't have time for that. I have a lot of people in line. Because we don't know exactly what's covered, I can ring a few things and if they're not covered then we have to start over again. Like I said, you need to go online, or call the card, and find out exactly what they cover. That's your best bet."

She didn't seem mad when I told her that because I think she realized what a clusterfuck it would be to do all that shit. And guess who got the pleasure of putting all of that unwanted shit away? GAH!!!

-Shit Wit: "I called earlier about getting a Meningitis shot but was told I have to bring my insurance card in."

I look at her card and notice the name looks familiar so I look in the profile and see 2 Meningitis shots on hold with notes stating "not covered" and "MD will NOT do PA". I figured being that it's a new year, perhaps the insurance changed their formulary so I run it and I really wasn't surprised when it rejected with "Not covered. Not on formulary". Here's where the carnival begins...

Me: "It's not covered by your insurance."

SW: "I called the insurance and they said it's covered."

Me: "I'm running it right now and it's coming up drug not covered."

SW: "I'm getting conflicting stories. My doctor told me that the insurance won't cover it for someone over 18 and my insurance is telling me that they do cover it. Now, you're telling me it's not covered."

Me: "I can only go by what the insurance tells me when I submit a claim to them. Perhaps the insurance covers it only if you go to a doctor's office or to a clinic. I know a lot of Medicaid Managed Care insurances will only cover certain vaccinations, such as a flu shot, at the pharmacy but require you to go to a doctor or clinic for any other vaccination."

SW's Friend: "Can't you do a prior authorization on it?"

Me: "It doesn't tell me it requires a prior auth. It says not covered outright."

SW's Friend(in a smug voice): "I work in a pharmacy. I know the pharmacy can do a prior auth."

Which led me to think that if this asshole works in a pharmacy then why in the fuck are they at MY pharmacy? Whenever a family or friend has a prescription issue, I make a point to handle it on my own as a way to help them out. This way I can see what the issue is and I can resolve it for them. But that's just me. I don't send my family and friends on a wild fucking pharmacy fiasco goose chase. But you all know I couldn't let that slide...

Me: "If you work in a pharmacy then you should know that the pharmacy doesn't have the authority to do a PA. That's something the doctor has to do. We can only send a request to do one and according to a note in the profile, your doctor refused to do it when you came here in August looking to get this shot. And you should also know that not all vaccinations are covered at a pharmacy and that some insurances require they be done in a clinic or doctors office if you want them to pay for them."

SW's Friend: "Can't you just call them and find out? I know they have a 24 hour hot line."

Me: "Sure, I can call them. Keep in mind, more than likely, they're going to tell you the same thing I just told you."

So to humor their asses, because they couldn't seem to take "no" for an answer, I call the insurance company. I explain the rejection and the rep tells me...

Insurance Rep: "Her prescription coverage does not cover the shot but her medical insurance does. However, in order for it to be covered by medical insurance, she must get the shot done at a doctors office or clinic."

Me: "That's what I thought. You want to tell her that because she, and her companion, think I'm making this up."

IR: "Sure, put her on the phone."

So I holler out to her to come to the counter, I hand her the phone....

Me: "The insurance is on the phone. She's going to speak to you."

She's on the phone with the insurance rep and as soon as the insurance rep explains shit to her, why the fuck does she want to argue with her...

SW: "But my doctor won't give it to me! How am I supposed to get this shot?! Are you seriously telling me that I'll have to find another doctor or go to a clinic? No, I'm not going to pay out of pocket for it! It's supposed to be free with my insurance! Why should I have to search around for another doctor to get this shot? This isn't right! You don't know what to tell me isn't a good answer!"

And she handed the phone back to me.

Me: "I'm sorry about that."

IR: "It's no problem. If she wants a free shot, she has no choice but to go to a doctor or clinic. If she wants to pay out of pocket, she can get it at the pharmacy. I don't know what else to tell her."

Me: "Yeah, I know."

And I got off the phone with the rep and asked SW and her supposedly pharmacy working friend.....

Me: "Any questions?"

SW: "No. I can't believe the insurance is being this difficult! I guess I"ll just have to go without getting a shot because I am NOT paying for it out of MY pocket!"

Allrighty then. Because going to a clinic for a free shot is crazy talk. Whatever.

-And for the piece de resistance. A patient rolls through the drive-thru and hands me this note. I look at it and couldn't help to die laughing. I go show it to V...

Me: "Hey, V. Check this out! Doesn't this remind you of back in the days when you'd be able to send a kid to 7-11 with $20, your ID and a note saying "Please sell Johnny a pack of Newport Light Box. Here's my ID. Thanks! Mrs. V" and that note would be suffice to sell a 7 year old a pack of smokes?"

V: "Hell yeah!"

And we both proceeded to fall out laughing.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 4/23/18

Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma, Vol. 23 | By Yuto Tsukuda and Shun Saeki | Viz Media – After teaching Hayama the lesson of this entire series, which is to say ‘have fun cooking and trying new things,’ Soma is able to win. Which is more than can be said for the rest of his merry band, as most of the minor good guys are summarily expelled after being defeated, and promptly leave the series, never to be seen again. Well, OK, maybe not. But we still have a few, and those few are ready to hear the tragic backstory of Soma’s father and Erina’s father, and the pressure that comes from needing to constantly be “the best.” Soma, of course, who has lost to his dad CONSTANTLY, doesn’t feel this pressure, which is why he does so well. An excellent volume. – Sean Gaffney

Gabriel Dropout, Vol. 3 | By Ukami |Yen Press – Gabriel Dropout continues to do what it does best: make the reader laugh. We get a new cast member this time around with Taplis, a young angel who hero-worshiped Gabriel and has come down to Earth to see how she’s doing. Needless to say, it’s not a pretty picture. Her addition just helps to give us more opportunities for fun, though. Actually, Gabriel may be the one cast member seemingly ignored by this volume, as the artist has realized that the other girls are easier to use for gags and also character development. She can’t hold her liquor, though, even when it’s amazake. My favorite continues to be troll Raphael, but all these girls are funny and great to read about. – Sean Gaffney

In/Spectre, Vol. 7 | By Kyo Shirodaira and Chashiba Katase | Kodansha Comics – This volume of In/Spectre is more of a short-story volume, adapting two prose stories as well as creating one original story for the manga. The stories themselves are what we’ve become used to—Kotoko listening to the problem and then theorizing us to death. But they’re also decent mysteries, and I don’t mind lots of theorizing if it manages to keep my interest and be visually striking, which the artist is quite good at. Meanwhile, Kotoko may not be getting any (I feel bad for falling for her telling us she wasn’t a virgin in volume one—she was clearly lying), but she remains one of the horniest manga heroines I’ve ever seen, constantly doing anything she can to try and get her boyfriend into bed. Nothing works. – Sean Gaffney

Kuroko’s Basketball, Vol. 21-22 | By Tadatoshi Fujimaki | Viz Media – Throughout this series, we’ve grown so used to Seirin being the underdog that it has to be pointed out to us that they’ve never really played while trying to maintain a lead—something that’s a lot more difficult than it sounds. This is despite the fact that, as everyone watched Kagami, they realize that he has the same magic that was in the Miracle Generation, even if he was never part of it. And it’s going to take that magic to hold on, as they’re up against Kise and his perfect copy, which is able to crush them even with his sitting out a good deal of the game. That said, Kuroko is still the title character, and I’m pretty sure the cliffhanger indicates he’ll solve things. Solid sports shonen. – Sean Gaffney

Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, Vol. 29 | By Shinobu Ohtaka | Viz Media – So Harukyu has won, but is this really what he wanted? The girl he likes, Morgiana, has finally realized that she loves Alibaba even though he’s dead. He’s leading his country thanks to Sinbad… but is that really going to last? The next few volumes shoold tell us — oh no, timeskip! Yes, in time honored shonen tradition, we now jump ahead a couple years, the better to deal with Alibaba, not as dead as everyone thinks (in fact, that makes a terrific running gag) and here to step back into everyone’s lives. Sadly for him, everything is seemingly a perfect utopia now, run by Sinbad. Of course, no utopia is perfect, and I suspect Alibaba will soon be leading some sort of resistance. Once he can explain to everyone that he’s not dead. – Sean Gaffney

My Hero Academia, Vol. 12 | By Kohei Horikoshi | Viz Media – We’re back in class, and it’s time for exams—at least after a very amusing couple of chapters where the students go to mad scientist Mei to get alterations to their hero costumes. But the bulk of this is the provisional license exams, after which they’ll be able to do the hero sorts of things they got in trouble for doing before. That is if they survive the exam, which puts them against other schools in one giant melee battle, and only 200 can pass. This gives nearly everyone a chance to stand out—I particularly liked Midoriya spotting a fake immediately based purely on hero knowledge—and gives the volume tension, as we try to see who’s going to fall and have to be left behind. So glad this is now speeding up. – Sean Gaffney

Takane & Hana, Vol. 2 | By Yuki Shiwasu | Viz Media – This is not quite as hysterical as the first volume, possibly as it’s clearly now an ongoing series rather than a bunch of one-shots, and thus needs to work harder at plot and character development. I like how the author is not shying away from the age difference between the two of them, and the scandal that it would cause were it to get out. We’re also introduced to an old friend and rival of Takane’s, who I think I would like more if he didn’t keep reminding me of Saki from I Hate You More Than Anyone/VB Rose. In the meantime, rest assured that there is still a lot of great humor here—I was especially amused by Takane referring to Hana’s two friends as “Friends A and B.” I love Hana to Yume comedies. – Sean Gaffney

Wotakoi: Love Is Hard for Otaku, Vol. 1 | By Fujita | Kodansha Comics – I picked up Wotakoi more on a whim than anything else, but the manga quickly became one of my favorite debuts of the year. The series actually had its beginning as a webcomic on Pixiv before being picked up by a print publisher. Even more recently, Wotakoi became the basis of an anime. The attention the manga has received is understandable. The story features quirky but relatable characters, four adult friends and coworkers (two couples) who to different extents can be described as otaku. There isn’t much of a plot, but the humor and story revolve around how being a fan of games, manga, anime, cosplay, etc. impacts relationships, romance, and worklife. In some ways, Wotakoi reminds me a little of a more subdued, grownup version of Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun, another series that I adore. Unsurprisingly then, I’m greatly looking forward to reading more of the charming, smile-inducing Wotakoi. – Ash Brown

Yowamushi Pedal, Vol. 8 | By Wataru Watanabe | Yen Press – This volume doubles down on Midosouji—he’s all over it, and twice as obnoxious, and I think your enjoyment of the book will depend on how much you can resist wanting to see someone slug him. The majority of this volume, in fact, does not feature our heroes, as they’re still waiting for Onoda to drag Tadokoro back—which he does, and it’s awesome—but instead focuses on the other teams, showing us their own drive to succeed—as well as the questioning of the rest of Midosouji’s teammates, wondering if this is really the right way to win? We’ve still got a long way to go in this race, but even in omnibus format I want to read it faster and faster. Can’t wait for the next volume. – Sean Gaffney

By: Sean Gaffney

[valkyrieofsmut]

Engel de la Gargouille Section 2 part 9

Engel de la Gargouille   (Gargoyle’s Angel)

Kurt Wagner/ Nightcrawler x Female OC

Overall series warnings: Smut, bit of violence, swearing, German (translations provided, but I have bad grammar… Sorry native speakers…) French (translations provided, but they are mostly like Google translations, as I am VERY new to French) (Translation help/ corrections are always welcome) (Will be added as they come up) Chapter warnings will be added individually as well.

Types: Smut, Angst, Mutual pining, Pregnancy, Romance, Love, Insecurity, Long as hell…

A/n-  ... just gonna put a smiley face here, because that's what I need to focus on... lol Sorry the chapters are going to be short for a while, since was trying to make it easy to follow the passage of time (for myself and readers) and separated the seasons into chapters, some are a bit short because not a lot happened that season. 

Masterlist    Series Masterlist

Story!

Kurt was walking around the lawn, enjoying the noon time sun, and Angeline watched him from around the edge of the umbrella she’d put up near the pool.

“I wish I was as developed as you,” Jubilee told her.

Angeline’s face turned back to her, looking troubled around her sunglasses. “No, you don’t. Everyone stares at you all the time, making inappropriate, nasty remarks, the men only see the outside, and the women only want to destroy you. You don’t need that.”

“I meant that I wish I could wear a bikini,” Jubilee told her. “I don’t have enough to keep the top down,” she complained.

Angeline turned her head slightly. “I’d give you some of mine if I could, but I’d rather you didn’t have to deal with the stupidity of others.”

Jubilee stared at her, watching for her to turn back to the object of her sunglassed eye’s obsession. “I don’t care if you stare at him, you know. I know you’re still paying attention to me,” she teased.

Angeline looked back to her. “What are you talking about?”

“The guy you like.”

“I am a-sexual,” Angeline told her. “I like no one.”

Jubilee laughed at her. “Whatever! You are so in love with him!”

Angeline blushed. “Shut up!” She demanded urgently.

Jubilee laughed harder. “You’re sitting out here in the sun, which you said makes you feel sick, hiding, and watching him. You’re basically a stalker!”

Angeline blushed harder. “Jubilee, Ta gueule!”

Kurt had apparently finished his walk and was headed back into the mansion. When he passed them, Angeline laid there stiffly as Jubilee smiled at him and called out, “hi, Kurt!”

He smiled back and waved as he went into the building.

“Ah, you’re just like a little sister!” Angeline exclaimed in teasing exasperation after Kurt was out of earshot. "But, he is a very handsome man..." She quietly admitted to her.

...    ...    ...    

Angeline laid on Jubilee’s bed as the younger girl sat at her desk and worked on her homework for the summer classes she was taking to catch up on her credits to graduate on time. “Come on,” she whined. “Won’t you help me?”

“Non, you have to learn it yourself,” Angeline answered as she flipped another page in the book she was reading.

“Please?” Jubilee begged, but Angeline shook her head. “Arg, what is even the point of being friends with you if you won’t help me with my French homework?!” She demanded teasingly.

“Maybe you shouldn't have taken that online French class, then, n'est-ce pas?” Angeline teased back.

“Well, I took it because my best friend is from France, and I thought maybe she'd help me!” Jubilee told her in dramatic exasperation.

Angeline looked up at her in surprise. Jubilee was, without a doubt, her best friend, but she had never assumed that she was hers. “You want a French phrase?” Jubilee nodded at her. “Ok… Mmmm… How about la douleur exquise.”

Jubilee looked at her in confusion, then pulled her book to her and tried to look it up. “Wh-what does that mean? I can’t find it anywhere…”

Angeline smirked as she looked back at her book. “Think through the words. What do they mean?”

Jubilee rolled her eyes and sighed. “The… hurt, or- pain, right?” Angeline nodded. “Exquisite. Wait, the hurt exquisite? What is that?”

“It is the feeling a certain very handsome man inspires within me,” Angeline answered to her book.

Jubilee blinked. “Because he hits you, or something?”

Angeline’s brows rose as her eyes shot to her. “Non, God, no, Jubilee. Hitting in relationships is wrong- you should never let someone hit you. If someone does, you tell me, and I’ll make them stop, or make them unable. Whichever is the one that will work.”

Jubilee’s brow crimped at the seriousness in her voice. “I was joking… Someone hit you, didn’t they…”

Angeline’s large blue eyes met hers. “It’s in the past. And I should have stopped them. That’s all I’ll say about it.”

“Was it…” Jubilee’s lips lifted in a smile as she attempted to lift the mood again. “Was it during sex?”

Angeline groaned. “Jubilee, you have your mind lodged in the gutter. But, you can ask me anything you want about when I had sex,” she told the younger girl with a laughing smile.

“Ok, where did you have it your first time?” Jubilee jumped at the chance to speak about the usually “taboo” subject.

Angeline smiled up at her, closing her book on her hand. “I haven’t.”

Jubilee’s brows met. “You, haven’t? You mean that you haven’t had sex, yet?” Angeline shook her head. “But, then, how am I supposed to ask you anything about it?”

“You can ask whatever you want, however the answer will be that I haven’t yet.”

Jubilee huffed and turned back to her French phrasebook, realizing that she’d been tricked. “Well, then how about explaining that phrase you gave me? I still can’t find it, and I don’t understand what it means. Is it some kinda blue ball thing, where you really want to have sex with Kurt, but don’t?”

Angeline nearly choked as she sat up, letting her book fall closed on the bed. “Excusez-moi?!”

“What? You’re always talking about him when you say that, “a very handsome man”; you mean Kurt.”

Angeline blushed a little as she looked over Jubilee. “Well…”

“Come on, it’s for homework, furthering my education…” She baited.

“Well, it is the pain that you feel- it’s when your heart… Jubilee, you know how you get a crush on a celebrity, and you know that there’s no way you’ll ever be able to be with them?”

The younger girl looked at the poster on her wall and lifted her nose teasingly. “I will definitely get a date with my crush.”

“Fine, you will,” Angeline humored. “But, you know how the rest of the world feels?”

“Poor souls,” she nodded.

“That joy of being in love, the pain that you will never be able to be with the one you love, that is la douleur exquise as best I can explain.”

“Like unrequited love?” Angeline agreed hesitantly. “Why don’t you ask him out? I’m pretty sure he’s into you.”

Angeline shook her head. “I have been here for nearly two years, trying to get his attention, and flirting with him, and asked him out once or twice, but he is very much not interested.”

“Did you show him the goods?”

“Jubilee, believe me when I say that I know how to do that, and that even standing in front of him nearly naked in my bikini got no reaction,” Angeline told her.

“Wow, he doesn’t seem that dense… What about talking? What have you said to him?”

Angeline tried not to laugh or blush. “Merde, Jubilee, I once asked him what the difference between a tongue bath and a sponge bath is. He ran away as fast as his feet would carry him.”

Jubilee’s brows raised. “Damn. What about asking him out? How did you ask him?”

“I said-” Angeline paused to compose herself. “I commented that he was on his second mug of coffee that morning. I asked if it was good. He said it was ok, so I told him that maybe we should go out and spend the day to find somewhere with better coffee…”

Jubilee settled her chin in her hand on the edge of her desk. “Hmm… Well… Even though those samples sound ok… Say something now,” she demanded.

“What?” Angeline asked.

“Say something- pretend that I’m Kurt. Say something flirty to me.”

Angeline rolled her eyes. “Ah, Kurt what beautiful skin you have. May I touch it?”

Jubilee’s jaw dropped. “Damn. You’re going straight for the throat.”

“Huh?” Angeline asked.

“Well, I mean, that is a really strong come on. You started at that level?”

Angeline shrugged, her face flushing in embarrassment. “I have not had much experience, I admit,” she mumbled, “but what I have seen or heard is all at that level. It’s really all I know; I didn’t know that there were different levels…”

“Well, shit, Angeline, maybe you just started out too strong. I’ll help you, you can start again, be a bit more tactful, and discreet… That might help… Who knows, maybe with you pulling it back in a bit, he might jump at you.”

“One can hope,” Angeline murmured. “Thank you, Jubilee, for offering…”

...    ...   ...    

Angeline walked closer to Kurt, her lip running across her bottom teeth nervously as she resisted the urge to pace back and forth until he got to her. He was in front of her, and Angeline stopped suddenly, turning to him. “Excuse me, Kurt.”

”He turned and looked at her, glancing to the direction he had been traveling, then back to her. “Hallo, Angeline.” She smiled at him, and he felt his heart beat quickly.

“I-I was wondering, what kind of movies- you like to watch,” she told him softly, hoping to make him have to lean in.

“Movies?” He asked, and she nodded with another perfect smile that made warmth swell in his belly.

Her perfect golden hair brushed around her shoulders, making him want to do the same with his fingers as he pushed it out if the way for his lips, and her large blue eyes were focused on him, making him realize how innocent she was, and that she probably would not like him thinking about her in that manner.

He had to take a breath to remember what had last been said. “Ah, ja, movies... Well, I can’t think of any right now,” he admitted.

Her expression fell a little. “What about, ah,” she paused and bit her lip again. Kurt’s eyes were stuck there to see her release her lip, then flick her tongue out across it before she spoke again. “Um, Ratatouille?” She asked, having to think back to something, and feeling stupid when she realized that she’d picked a children’s movie.

“The mouse chef?” Kurt paused. “Ja,I think I have see that, one of kids had it, I think.”

Angeline looked at the ground. Damn it. She was trying to seem interesting and she sounded like she only watched little kids movies. “Ah, or- no,” she held back, thinking that Princess and the frog was another Disney movie.

“Are you looking for more movies to watch?” Angeline looked up to his eyes and nodded happily, hoping that she was saved and going to do ok. “What kind do you like?” He asked.

“Ah- all kinds,” she assured readily, trying not to say anything that made her sound childish or stupid.

“Well, I’ll look through what we have and maybe make a list of suggestions for you, would that be ok?” He asked.

Angeline bit her lip, deflating a little. “I- ah- ok…” That’s not how that was supposed to go… She had wanted him to suggest that they at least go look, and eventually watch one, together, if she didn’t suggest going to one, first…

“I’m sorry, Angeline,” he told her. “I have somewhere I need to be, would it be ok if I got back to you on this?” She nodded, trying not to look too much like an emotional wreck as he bowed and walked away.

Kurt closed his eyes briefly as he left, berating himself for his thoughts and actions.

She'd asked him about movies, and while merely being in her presence had made all of his knowledge of the subject matter leave his mind, he had wanted to suggest that they look through the selection in the entertainment room, which made his mind jump to the selection he had in his room- his room, that was more secluded and had no seating except his bed or the floor.

Which had made him think of sitting that much closer to her, in his room, alone…

Which had made him think of what he could do with her, alone in his room…

Which had made his heart beat faster and made his body perk up.

Which had made him disgusted with himself for thinking, and getting so excited by, such dirty and impure thoughts about this beautiful, pure girl.

And that was why he had ran away this time. He really did have somewhere he was heading, but he didn't need to be there for at least an hour.

‘Maybe one day,’ he thought to himself, ‘maybe one day I will be able to stay and speak to her.’

................

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