#ok done. I dont rlly know what else to put here

[buqbite]

I love that Crescent Moon's affection is a bad thing to receive

[omenics]

[𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄]’𝐒 𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐗 , the overblot gang + kalim, malleus, & epel.

..in which [name] has peak music taste. gn reader. — i am falling back into metal and its amazing so ofc [name] HAS to like it too 😊 however im falling down the spiritbox hole again so itll rlly just be based on that

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS.

little man is insulted that youd listen to metal

i dont see him listening to it at all

hes like my nonna who physically recoils when she hears it

anyways say ur phone magically came to twst with you and all of ur playlists are still there so boom

play whitechapel and he explodes. bro goes off with ur head for the whole year and you walk with SHAME

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR.

bro probably listens to deftones

i can see him listening to deftones

this is my hc

but is deftones metal 🤨 idk man it says its alternative metal so yeag

you can probably play any music on the aux and he wouldnt mind i think?? but i see him hating country because me too leona

but if you dont look like the type of person who listens to metal (bc me too) then hes like damn alr

if he did tho i think hed like whitechapel idk but i donr see him liking death metal or just vv heavy stuff

THIS IS TURNING JNTO WHAT BANDA SOME CHARACTERS WOULD LIKE INSTEAD OF THEM EITHER HATING OR LOVING THE MUSIC HELP ME

AZUL ASHENGROTTO.

a man of class who doesnt listen to metal but respects it bc hes like the only one here who would most likely know it takes talent

stan azul bc i do

no but hed probably enjoy the 1.5 songs that dont involve the screaming or growling, so probably hickory creek from whitechapel or constance by spiritbox yk

anyways azul does not like it but bro wont make u do the walk of shame bc of it like RIDDLE

idk what else to put but i can see him liking a little bit of ghost…. because i do… a lot… and i like azul.. a lot…

next character now bc idk what to put

KALIM AL-ASIM.

hes probably the one to ask what music you listen to lets be real

like ‘oh hey [name] what type of music do you like? :)’ probably expecting pop or indie or whatever but nah bro u like metal… and he like oh ok

doesnt matter what kind just metal

he would also not like it bc yeah but hed also think its cool i think

hes honest abt it too 😭 ‘oh sorry [name] i dont like it that much but its cool’ because its kalim <3

no but seriously i cant think of a band hed like tbh

JAMIL VIPER.

do u know how much i was struggling to type his last name like good lord. it went from biper to bipee to vipee and to viper… like elaria…. thats so easy… stop

the consequences of having autocorrect off

moving on i don’t necessarily see him listening to metal

maybe deftones too… or ghost… but like .0005 of their songs… just yk… imo…

anyways wouldnt care at all what music u listen to

just is like alr and goes back to whatever

we stan jamil. get yourself a jamil. why? BC I NEES ONE AND NO ONE I KNOW IRL LISTENS TO METAL OR DEATH METAL OR ANYTHING AND WHEN I PLAY IT THEY YELL AT ME AND ACT LIKE I COMMITTED MURDER

its rough out here guys

VIL SCHOENHEIT.

youre done for

you are literally not allowed 100 meters around him

the MINUTE you play any sort of band classified as metal you are condemned to hell

i know for a FACT he would hate metal because

its fucking metal and its vil what do u expect him to listen to slaughter to prevail and go around moshing??? no. no u dont. becaus ehe wouldnt.

he does not tolerate metal at all. ghost? no. slipknot? absolutely not. whitechapel? why dont u go worship the devil (do they have an equivalent to the devil in twst idk) while ur at it because vil schoenheit in all his glory hates metal.

EPEL FELMIER.

metalhead epel would be canon but we all know he listens to country

lets be real tho hed listen to it to spite vil

maybe… maybe… u can make him listen to it… and hed maybe like it… and youll have a metal music buddy…

honestlt just say ‘vil doesnt like metal’ and hes probably blasting infant annihilator bc i think its funny

other than that epel does not care for metal. however hes probably like one of the others who doesnt care if u play it

i mean i can see him listening to avatar?? specifically black waters and the eagle has landed… but black waters mainly

idk because i have not written for epel before and i haven’t played the pomefiore chapter in a month so i dont remember lol

IDIA SHROUD.

lets be real bro listens to indie

a mitski fan. cries to nobody every night. he does not touch the metal genre.

anyways im gonna say this and hes a metalhead isnt he

oyher than that he has control of the aux BECAUSE HE DOESNT LEAVE HIS FUCKING ROOM. HOW WILL HE HAVE AN OPINION ON METAL WHEN HE DOES NOT LET ANYONE PLAY ANYTHING BC HE CANT BE BOTHERED TO GO TOUCH SOME GRASS HUH??????

i am an IDIA HATER. IDIA SHROUD ANTI. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT I KIN HIM.

other than that only listens to indie of lofi idc what anyone else says im right.

MALLEUS DRACONIA.

the average classical music enjoyer

i believe he enjoys classical music or no music at all however bc its malleus everyone thinks he listens to a band that is called smth like DEATH BLOOD MAGIC INFANT KILLER GRAVE ROBBER ZOMBIE DICK but he just would listen to classical music because i said so

this poor man is dubbed a metalhead while he probably doesnt even know one sub-genre of metal

this poor guy cant catch a break

its okay malleus. you are the only one here who has peak music taste and thats okay

[itsdappleagain]

i know csweekly is on hold now, but I still have to catch up on The Luchadora Tango Caper, so here it is!!

Season 3 is maybe my least favorite season out of any of them, but I still love it, so I'm really excited to get into this!

Notes under the cut as always and please ignore the fact that I'm a month late on this thx

NEW CASTLE!!! NEW CASTLE YAYYY

sometimes I think this whole series is Maelstrom just talking about shit for like 14 hours

cleo sympathizing with guys in skirts <3 she knows ur struggle boys

love how they slapped up a giant glowing green world map and copper sulfate burning chandeliers before they put in insulation or heat

brunt, girl, calm down. they were just doing their evil minion bagpipe job

british on british violence

that was such a cute nod when this season first dropped. haha theres been no sign of her all summer because of the hiatus you are so clever

they rlly thought they had something with the turn them against each other thing. i cant believe they thought they tvy7 rating would let shadowsan and carmen kill each other 🙄

"carmen is DEAD" (cheery tango music)

i mean it works because we know hes wrong and stupid but like

no offense but the tango dancers are animated in a way that is reminiscent of a kid manually moving their barbie dolls legs to make them walk

our girl <3

tell me why dropping 200 feet onto the top of the metal detector was more sneaky than literally anything else she could have done

ok. yes. but the fact she is robbing it does not negate the fact that she will be on the news for breaking into a bank dsjfsdghfkdsa

1021 is the number on the box- could it mean something? in a strictly doylist sense. october 21st doesn't seem to have any significant holidays...I can't find anything, might just be a random number set.

good god the "i...have his eyes." hits me like a truck every time

gina pulled it out with the voice acting in this one

she WAS a very cute baby

"another" link girl what else has there been you should be ecstatic

ayyy its the character literally everyone except spintrap-stan and amaryllis solely remember for being voiced by dante basco

i love how snarky carmen immediately gets. if he knows her name and what she looks like, obviously he's an operative, so she gets to have a little fun in immediately declining him while still gaining valuable information, almost immediately, about who he is and what his talent will be

everyone is very stretched today

this is not my favorite fight scene honestly (at least until flytrap gets here. dont even get me started on her fighting style im in love with it) because its literally just like ooh. he kicks. she dodges. wow. they really do try with the tango parallels but idk

wow!! other people can kick too??? who knew

she protected the face

cutely runs into oncoming traffic

those cars were not even slowing down girl they were just like HONK MOVE OR DIE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FLYTRAP MY GIRL

okay mini rant incoming i already did a post on this like a billion years ago but flytrap is one of my favorites because in my opinion she and paper star are the most dangerous villains we ever see in the show. let me. try to find that post actually

yeah here it is

flytrap is also so hot and has the same va as luz so she's just top tier. idk if the team put half the episode budget into celebrity voice actors and thats why we only got 5 episodes but you know what

love how carmen is literally stopping her attempts to get free to banter. girl. stop

shadowsan <3

love how they do not even bother showing the fight they just get their asses handed to them

why didnt they start in veracruz just asking

not the table

ok guys. you can stop with the tango thing now. its okay

that little conversation between ivy and shadowsan is so good

comrades??? sir its not the cold war

article from 17 years ago, thank you for that easy to understand slang

carmen plot armored her way out of getting her skull smashed in on that train so hard that she made maelstrom stupid

its canon both in and outside of the show that color theory is so prevalent that any sort of red at all immediately signals carmen

the colors are so beautiful in this scene. carmen doesnt have her coat or jacket on, everythings just a little desaturated as she searches

THE ACME GANG <3333

not the finger guns and glasses wheeze hes such a loser i love him

THE FORESHADOWING TO EGYPT WITH THE PYRAMIDS ON HER LAPTOP!!!!

love how all we get of julia this season is her being pissed off and then leaving

he was such an asshole for closing her laptop why did he do that 😭

has carmen just been ignoring vile missions for the last season of the year to research her mom or

girlie is so sad about everything

ah yes, the door, the thing you wish to have opened, the best place to lean your full body against after you knock,

i'M SOrry. did you NOT attend a school for THIEVES

HSDGGDG HEY. just broke into your house. im your long lost daughter

i love how she goes DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and then immediately drags her whole arm across the wall and cabinet

also her face when she sees the masks is perfect

okay be honest how many of you have replayed carmen saying maybe mommy at least once. who. raise your hands

shes sooo buff

love how everyone is taking this so seriously and then carmen is just completely apathetic about anything thats going on

dont deadname lupe, carmen

her hair catching a gust of indoor wind for the sole purpose of making her look sick as hell in her intro card is so iconic

as ivy absolutely obliterating zack in the foreground is so fucking funny

she got that "EH EH EH." titter of "HEY NO. DONT YOU DO THAT" down scary well

devineaux strutting im sobbing. julia was doing SO well and then she got paired with devineaux AGAIN

that cab driver looks so concerned about the hulking texan in his backseat

remember when the trailer dropped and we thought those roses were for julia. good times

everyone narrowly avoiding each other as they pull in

you just know ivy smacked zack when he protested to decoy time hdsafhadsg

gotta say the "EH?" while getsuring to the trophies is fucking hilarious. obviously julia knows she wouldnt go after those but its so funny

i do love the way carmen just shrinks any time brunt appears. she is soooo traumatized

VAMOOSE EL MASKO SHES SO ACCURATREIUSDHKFSKHFD SHES EXACTLY WHAT MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN SOUTHERNERS SOUND LIKE

LUPE IS SO FUCKING COOL

devineaux showcasing his braincells for a spilt second this episode

ah, so begins the not a good time mantra

devineaux getting absolutely decimated because he thinks coach brunt thinks hes handsome is so funny

the referee watching two apparent civilians enter the ring: 🙂

carmen is so funny here. she uncuffs herself and then just leaves devineaux to die like fuck his ass he can get smooshed

carmen getting increasingly mad at devineaux while she drags him places is my favorite part of the episode

also, either carmen got stronger or devineaux had a few bouts of crazed research where he didnt eat, but she can drag him easily now as opposed to when she was struggling back at the trap in poitiers

they put this shot in the trailer and without context it just looked like carmen was standing there glaring at brunt menacingly

the cat burglar <3

worst fucking ref on the planet i love him

was carmen stopping to listen to julia's voice i would like to think so

ah the devineaux and cars gag. i mean, to be fair, it wasnt his fault this time

starts beatboxing

carmen really just dumped her whole life story on lupe thats so funny. girlie started the day preparing for a match, got her house broken into, and then ended the day learning about a global crime syndicate

they really ended s2 going THE NEXT SEASON WILL FOCUS ON CARMENS MOM and then started s3 going well actually um okay so

theres our transition sentence

lupe's yellow and blue palette btw!! cs color theory i love you

lupe is more of a mom than carlotta ever gets to be thats sad honestly

carmens little smile ough

here is a shot that very succinctly illustrates the dynamics in the coming seasons. the three at the table stand strong- always have. roundy is basically a footnote no one cares about him and then brunt...brunt is sort of on the edge. this carries over all the way into s4 when malestrom tries to drown her

oh my god i forgot about the weird halloween thing the faculty has going on this season i love it

my analysis is right in time for spooky season >:) halloween IS nearly upon us!!!

OKAY well my thoughts on the luchadora tango caper...pretty good. honestly its kind of net zero information because we introduce the premise of finding carmens mom and then immediately abandon it but it sets up um....well....it sets up....what does it set up

anyway- not my favorite episode, even though lupe is fucking awesome. i think it suffers a little from deviating from that classic caper structure and jumping around, but it does its job as an introductory episode.

until we return, sayonara, mon amigos!

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[gayspock]

ok .... farscape momence

okay so randdommm thoughts dump time

FIRSTLY: there's some odd moments, huh, where its like. its never HORRIFIC but the "gore" for lack of a better term really pushes whatever the rating is on this show, LOL.... like the hand melting scene in last ep? & crichtons head freaking exploding in outer space in this ep? yeessshhh....

also also also. i see that this ep im on rn (dream a little dream) isnt a zhaan ep but as an aside. its sooo strange bc i love zhaan as a character but SIGHHHH. i noticed that zhaan-focussed eps, thus far, fall sooo flat and thats such a freaking shame!! i feel like they sorta dont know how to deal with her as the focus and they go too hard in the wrong direction. but anyways

and also they do make some odd decisions with her otherwise, even still. not ones im wholly against but... i feel like they sometimes dont pull them off well. and i say that bc usually its, like, with her - whereas with everyone else, i feel like they consistently nail and get right, even if the episode is weaker. its odd. maybe im just misreading her sometimes, or what. but again its a shame bc i rlly like her. and they do do GOOD stuff with her too, ofc- i love the subtleties they pull off with her sometimes- but sometimes im like man what like...

although that being said ido like that this ep did take the time to kinda. explore exactly what she went through in that interim period between s1 and s2 and i DO think, saving it for now, rather than doing it right at the beginning was the right choice. her being imprisoned and put to execution makes her state a lot more understandable. though i willsay- kinda obvious how like.... they were SCRAPING for a way to put this in here lol. its kind of weird to frame it with the nightmare thing but eh its functional and her talk with crichton is nice enough

ALSO i actually reallylove chiana and rygels dynamic and i DID enjoy seeing them in this ep, and i did enjoy bits of this ep BUT theresother aspects.... MY BRAIN is failingtonight so im struggling to put it into words. like a lot of this, like quite a few s2 eps, didnt quite work out for me...

i think courtroom episodes in scifi shows can be cool when theyre done right and cleverly, and really do explore themes of morality, but i cant really say that of this episode. i think chiana and rygel do make a good team but a lot of it is a bit weird and not in the fun goofy farscape weird but like just kinda like... pulled out your ass, weird? like the stick thing and stuff. i think they should have pushed some parts a lot more than they did, and focussed on the wrong bits elsewhere- but even then, i still dont know, bc...

i feel like this episode sort of lost its point in general bc im skimming through trivia on it and it looks like this script was kinda moved about a bit and that shows and thats a shame bc i think. like when this STARTED i assumed it would be a zhaan ep and i think that it really... should have been? like-

DONT GET ME WRONG like i said it was fun and i liked the rygel and chiana dynamic. i think: a) rygel and chiana are alone and have to work together without the team; b) rygel and chiana have to play lawyers and cant use their usual skillet... is a solid story BUT wlike i dont know like. i feel like if youre going to flashback like this and have zhaan introduce and conclude the episode it would have worked better as an exploration of her, and for it to be her narrative rather than that. and then i think that would work better if we focussed more on the injustices of the planet rather than, like, courtroom drama bc they also lost sight of those, too, ro at least they werent rlly developed fully either . i think those two themes would have been stronger to go into for this setup and rygel and chiana antics tabled for another time

anwyays its funny i said so much here bc it didnt feel like that much. i also totally blanked out on last ep too i feel like that... AGAIN. THERES SOMETHING WITH S2 WHERE ITS LIKE- i cant tell if the end of s1 just raised such a bar for me, but the mediocre reallyyyy feels mediocre . I DONT MEAN ITS LIKE BAD BAD and im for sure still excited and continuing with the show BUT YKNOW. i get it man all showshave a bit like this LOL

and again theres still good stuff in there. well i mean last ep. EH. I DONTKNOW. IT FELT LIKE IT DRAGGED FOR SO LONG AND I JUST DIDN CARE...HELP...SORRY. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. but maybe thats just because im crazzy fucking out of it rn

[windose20s]

i probably won’t read it until tmrw ( i’m going to bed soon ) but i would love to know about this mmj story interpretation :D i may not know a lot abt pjsk but i’m rlly interested in ur interpretation !!

THANK YOU FOR ASKING OML i should probably revise this in the morning as its like. 12:45 am rn but i DONT care i am so autistic abt these silly idols

i’ll be using exclusively 3rd person and using canon prns here for readability but do keep in mind that i am haruka irl and that may be affecting how i interpret the story!! under the cut <3

ok so uhhh this is very loosely from memory its been a while since i’ve read the unit story (hence my note at the top abt how i should revise this in the morning lol) but a very brief summary for izaya:

minori hanasato really wants to be an idol!!! she’s been inspired by haruka kiritani since she was small (middle school? idk she looks really young in the art so maybe earlier) and works really hard to try to achieve her dream. unfortunately, she gets rejected from every auditon she attends. suddenly, haruka retires from idol activities. haruka starts going to minori’s school.

a lot of drama and training montages and virtual singers later, minori puts on a show to convince haruka to return to being an idol, this time with her (and two other retired idols that go to her school other than haruka) indie group instead of her previous employer. this show inspires haruka to not give up and reminds her how much she loved being an idol in the first place.

ok now to the actual interpretation part lolol

some people claim mmj’s story to be unhealthily positive (idk i think? again it is very late at night), but i..don’t really think that’s the case.

minori is very grateful for everything haruka has done for her, albeit through a stage/screen/what-have-you. haruka had shaped her unending optimism about becoming an idol. in the story, minori is stated to have failed at least 50 (i don’t remember if theres more but there’s DEFINITELY at least 50) auditions, but her hope never wavers. it’s deeply concerning to see the creator of her hope and belief in the fact that tomorrow will be a better day in a state where Haruka is obviously denying what she wants to do in favor of her fear of the unknown.

Everyone can see that Haruka misses being an idol. Miku acknowledges it, and Miku is aware of their feelings directly (bc sekai magic), so it’s true.

I’ve definitely seen people saying that Minori ‘dragged’ her unitmates back from their retirement and normal lives. But…the only reason they came back is that they wanted to. She didn’t force them to do anything. Airi and Shizuku are not doormats (Airi especially), they would tell her if she was unwelcome to involve them in idol activites.

Minori has big dreams, but theyre ultimately achievable for her (albeit through a lot of luck and fate of three popular retired idols going to her school being willing to join her, but still). For most of her life, she’s looked up to the concept of idols and the thought of delivering hope to the world. She wants to make the world better. She wants to be what Haruka was to her for someone else.

anyways live laugh love minori hanasato

[s-omething]

i reaaaaaaaaally wanted to do this and now the feeling is gone actually that is good because now i have somewhere to start, and its exaclty that i really want to start drwaing again, i really want to start reading again, watching stuff i like again, loving something, tattooing, planning, making, creating, i really want to do everything nothing feels how it should or used to, nothing hits, nothing makes me feel anything, im deeply bored by everything and right now talking about it, i thought i would feel something, like i usually feel when im writing, but nothing comes and i rlly feel like stopping right here of course i wont, im not just gonna give up.  point is, im bored, i have all these references in my head, all that pop culture where characters feel exactly lke this, fiction where i can see myself not having to look directly at me, where it hurts the most.  “i got bored one day and i put everything in a bagel” and “i dont feel anything. it is so boring (...) i try to find ways of making myself feel something more and more and it doesnt make any difference, i hurt myself, it doesnt hurt. i buy what i want, i dont want it. i do what i like, i dont like it.” and at some points i just dont care anymore, im just waiting and waiting, i almost think “maybe in two or three months when things start happening, i just have to wait until then, and life will start and i will feel something again and i just wait, and it is so stupid to accept such thing when i have this suffocating fear of losing my life, wasting my youth.  and its “and i wake up in the middle of the night, its like i can feel time moving. how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?”  and oh all of Sidelines, if im being honest “im not afraid of anything at all, not dying in a fire not being broke again. im not afraid of living on a fault line cause nothing ever shakes me, nothing makes me cry...”  and yes everything else a burning hill says it too in general, it almost feels like life stopped and since it stopped, i should not feel anything but shit keep happening and life continues moving and moving and going away i dont want to be stuck!!!! i hate it, i hate not moving, its impossible actually to just stay still, and being bored feels like being dead so sometimes  this bursts inside me and i feel everything i feel alive and its so strong that i want to scream and laugh and sing and do everything and i feel llike time is not enough for all the things i want to do and live and that sometimes depresses me into not doing a single thing i feel suffocated when time is moving too fast too, i guess and i stay awake too much and even tho im tired, im euphoric and i do things that i should have done like cleaning and doing general chores.  but then i get exhausted fast and suddenly im sleeping too much again, not trying anything, not doing anything i get stuck on scrolling for hours and hours and i really wasted hole days like that, almost everyday high or drunk or both, which helps a lot with feeling boredom because when im not sober, being bored doesnt hurt, it turns into... being alone in a good way, with no problem, no time, nothing, just alone and completely quiet. but im still not here and floating around is not how i want to spend my youth.  i want to create, to connect and scream, laugh, cry like im dying just because i am, because im alive, and i want to feel very fucking alive and fuck, besides all of this, i feel completely okay, or just so numb that nothing rlly hurts, so im just... ok  i might spend all days meditating to believe im just a rock, you know? maybe thats what i need, to be here? but being a rock lifts all of the worries away, cause nothing matters irght? that movie knows everything, fuck!!! im not sure if writing about all this has done something, i dont feel like anything rlly shifted in me, and i was rlly hoping it would i was hoping i  would get some clarity and understand all the connections about the state i am, understand where they come from and where they will go, how to change it, just anything i guess i will just wait for the next time i go crazy and feel everything again, hope it happens soon

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me 

[t0shii]

how they comfort you in a crowded place

including bokuto kotaro, aran ojiro, miya atsumu, oikawa toru, suna rintaro x gn!r

!warnings! mentions of anxiety & large crowds, slight panic attack, mentions of flashing lights & cameras, lightly proofread.

BOKUTO KOTARO.

it might take him a minutes to realize you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed and as soon as he does realize he's asking you what he needs to do to help you. never lets go of your hand!

You loved that your boyfriend kotaro had so many supporters but sometimes it was a bit overwhelming. for example, right now you both were arriving at the gym for the match his volleyball team was playing that night. fans basically swarmed your car and even the security guards were having a hard time holding them back.

you could feel yourself start to panic as they inched closer and closer, squeezing your eyes shut as you hooked your arm around your boyfriend's. at first he thought nothing of it, until he looked back at you and saw your eyes closed, face looking a little pale, sweat forming on your forehead. he took your hand immediately and pulled you securely under his arm, leaning down to your ear, "we're almost to the gym baby, just a little bit longer. im so sorry." he said to you, kissing the top of your head right after which only seemed to make the fans go even more wild.

he hugged you real tight as soon as you both got into the gym and apologized repeatedly, didn't let you leave his sight until you were feeling better but gave you space whenever you asked for it.

ARAN OJIRO.

knows you can get anxious in a large crowd so he tries his very best to avoid large crowds of fans or reporters. is really protective of you and WILL give anyone who tries to get too close the dirtiest look you didnt even know he was capable of.

Unfortunately, the gym his game was taking place it, was surrounded by fans. "i thought i specifically asked for a blocked area?" he complained to the driver. "i think theres just too many fans to control" the driver responded, looking for the drop off spot. "i'm so sorry angel, i told them to have a blocked off area for us" he explained, grabbing your hand and squeezing it tightly. you reassured him it was fine and there as nothing he could've done about the situation and that you should be fine because the gym wasn't so far away.

as soon as you two stepped out of the car it was absolute chaos. fans screaming for aran, reporters cameras flashing repeatedly yelling questions at him, trying their very best to get close to him. the secure guards were doing there best to hold them off though. all you could do was close your eyes and let your boyfriend lead the way, he never once let go of your hand the whole way there.

as soon as you got into the gym he checked to make sure you were okay, asking if you needed anything. "i'm fine ojiro, really, i'm okay." you assured him, kissing his cheek. he embraced you in a big hug. "i'm so proud of you angel." said with a smile into the crook of your neck.

MIYA ATSUMU.

oh lord... we all know how he feels about obnoxious fans LMAO. good luck to them if they make you uncomfortable in any way ESPECIALLY if they get too close. tsumu knows you hate crowds and he tries so hard to avoid them at any cost possible.

"What the fuck is this?" he mumbled at he saw the crowd forming by the drop off area, "i'm not sure sir but there really isnt time to wait, the rest of the team's' cars are behind us." the driver responded earning a groan from your boyfriend. "'m sorry, baby" he whined looking at you with glossy eyes. "no no, it's okay 'tsum. it's not your fault. the gym's not too far anyways, i think i'll make it." you joke intertwining your hands. he nods in response and both exit the car.

seconds later fans rushed toward the two of you, screaming for 'tsumu and flashing their camera. honestly you were fine until you looked over and a teenage girl was right beside you all in your personal space, atsumu never noticing because he was so focused on getting to the gym as soon as possible. "tsumu-", he turned his head towards you as soon as he heard you say his name. he immediately s aw the girl trying to get his attention was all over you so he pulled you away from her, put you infront of him and ignored her the rest of the way to gym. it was really like a scene from a movie

as soon as the two of you stepped in the gym he was making sure you were okay and asking if you needed anything. he hugged you really tight and apologized for all the people. "'m so sorry that girl baby i dont know what her deal was, she was all over you, not cool at all. should i make sure they don't let her in the gym? i don't want her anywhere near you." you chuckled at his question, "no 'tsum, she probably didn't even realize what she was doing. i'm okay now, really." he nodded his head at your response, "as long as you're okay." he said nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

OIKAWA TORU.

he loves the attention he gets from his fans but he will always always put your safety before their attention & dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. hates when his fans gets too close to you and when they crowd around the both of you, he didn't mind it before the two of you got together but when you told him you didn't like crowds he always does his best to avoid them.

"looks like there's a crowd toru." you say with a pout. "whaaat?" he groaned looking up from his phone. why did they have to follow the two of you to the airport? he thought to himself. he just wanted to get on the plane in peace. "oh no." he sighed looked at all the fans who had lined up to send the two of you off, luckily it the crowed wasn't too big considering it was 4 in the morning.

"i'm so sorry angel, i didn't think they'd follow us here this early," he explained with a frown."no no toru, it's not your fault at all! don't apologize" you assure him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "let me step out and tell them to keep their distance." you nodded and he stepped oit

you giggled as you hear him ask his fans to stay away from you when you exit the car he. stays out and chats with the fans for a few minutes before it was time to go into the airport. fortunately his fans were super understanding and chill when you stepped out of the car, saying hi to you and wishing you both a safe flight. he still made sure you were okay even though the fans kept their distance like they promised and pampered your face im kisses filled with love and a whispered, "im so proud of you angel."

SUNA RINTARO.

god he hates crowds himself so he completely understands you. he doesnt like when fans crowd him and especially when they crowd around you since he knows it makes you anxious.

"just stay close okay?" your boyfriend mumbled in your ear as he took your hand and helped out of the car. you responded with a quiet "mhm". i hate these people, he thought to himself. not only did he already hate crowds, he hated when there was a crowd around you. honestly, you couldn't even see straight because of all the flashing cameras and it didn't help that all the fans around were pushing in closer and closer, the two of you could barely even move as it was. all you could do was squeez your eyes shut and pray you got to the gym faster than the fans could trample over you to get a an autograph or a picture from your boyfriend.

rintaro was squeezing your hand so tightly by the time you both stepped into the gym you thought your hand was gonna fall off and you could barely even control your breathing, he immediately pulled you into an embrace, not too tight though, kissing the crown of your head and rubbing your back soothingly, "im so sorry baby, you did so well." was all he said over and over again, trying his best to ease you while his teammates stumbled in behind the two of you complaining about the crowd.

after your breathing had calmed down he gave you space whenever you wanted it making sure to check up on you periodically. "im okay now rin, you can go practice now." you reassure him, with a kiss on the cheek of course. he agreed after a while but was still worried about you the whole practice and for most of the game after that.

a/n omg i rlly like writing for aran AHH ok ummmm thanks for reading p.s. oikawa would be so chill with his fans after highschool UGH everyone says theyre rude but i hc the opposite 😌😤

[sexy-bee-juice]

which hq boys would let you paint their nails

This is the first time I’ve written something on here so feedback is welcome <333

Im trying hc’s so-

KARASUNO

Hinata

- He would. 

- 10/10 would recommend.

- He would stare at you for a minute and be like, “what?” then you would show him the bottle of nail polish and he would just U N D E R S T A N D

- He would definitely flaunt it to his team. would be so proud.

- Honestly doesn't care about the color, just wants his nails DONE.

- Like, you could be the worst at applying it and get it all over his cuticles and fingers and smudge it everywhere, but he will still love how you did it . It doesn't even have to be all fancy with a design or something or rhinestones he will still love it.

- But...

-Please do the rhinestones and designs. H e will literally be so happy. Smack a volleyball or a dumpling design on those nails and he will literally cry. Rhinestones? He will carry around a little flashlight and shine it on the stones to see them sparkle.

- He just wants to do it and maybe have matching nails with you.

- Don't even ask he’ll do it.

Tsukishima

-No. NopE.

-Im sorry bby, but he will not.

- Would stare at you for a whole of two seconds and say no then go back to whatever the heck this man was doing

- Might consider it if you chose a flat or rlly subtle color like...grey. or white.

-Boring. maybe if you included dinosaurs.

-or do it when he’s sleeping. and put some dinos on it.

-Will be mad at first, but will eventually get used to it.

- Only sneak attacks will get this man to accept it.

-Will ask you to remove it if he needs to go somewhere.

Sugawara

-HE WILL BE SO HAPPY TO DO IT.

- PROBABLY WALKS IN ON YOU PAINTING YOUR NAILS ALONE AND WILL ASK IF YOU CAN DO HIS.

- 1000/10 would recommend

- Won’t flaunt it, but will totally be proud to tell everyone why his nails are painted.

-Probably get everyone else to get their nails painted by you as well.

- Gets you to paint his and the rest of the teams nails before every big match. team colors.

- Whenever he goes shopping with you low-key looks for new nail polish and buys it when you aint lookin’.

- Probably has a whole variety of slightly different shades of the teams colors.

- Isnt too flashy so might not want rhinestones or sparkles, but will definetely love any little chibi designs you put on.

- Especially the animals. Give him a giraffe and he will be so i love with them, he will be staring at his nails the whole time.

- Will be so happy he asked the first time.

Asahi 

-Will definitely be shy at first. 

-If you ask him he will be all blushy and stuttery, but will agree.

- But after you finish, he will definitely end up smudging it and ruining anything you put on it.

- Designs? Gone. Ruined.

-Rhinestones? Fell off. never to be seen again.

-Glitter? Mess. Don't even ask.

- Will apologize about a million times and might even let you fix them, and will not move an inch until you tell him to move.

- Will basically be a ragdoll when it comes to you doing his nails, but will ask you to get the. STUFF. OFF. WHEN HE LEAVES.

-Otherwise is totally open about whatever. maybe makeovers and stuff is welcome, but only after a lot of bribing and begging.

Sawamura

-OMG

-YES.

-DONT EVEN ASK

-”Daichi?” You hold up the bottle. “will you-”

-”yes.”

“wha-?”

-”yes”

-and thats how he came to practice will bright pink nails and sushi figures on his fingers. You can be the worst, and much like Hinata he will still love whatever you did.

-Like, this man will be openly obsessed with nail polish and manicures, even though he knows it isnt something that a guy like him, y’know, big(ish), plays volleyball, most likely has calloused hands, would do.

-Will most likely make it a routine to do each others nails every weekend, with a new style or design, with you doing his, and him doing yours.

-Will spend HOURS DOING YOURS

-just do it. he loves you and he will do whatever without question.

Nishinoya

-Do I even have to say it?

-He would got he full 10000000000000000000000000000%

-RHINESTONES? YES

-GLITTER? ALSO YES.

-YOU WANT TO PUT FLOWERS OF SUSHI ON IT?

-DO IT.

-HE WANTS TO TRY AS WELLL LET HIM

- “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MOMMA?”

-”YEAH I CAN DO I WANNA TRY”

-just let the boy do what he must, but supervise him otherwise he might try to dye his hair with the glittery nail polish.

-might be one of the most hyped out of everyone to get his nails done.

Tanaka

-he will be skeptical at first but will do it eventually after a lot of bribing and maybe making him a bit jealous if you go do one of the teammates nails and hint at it.

-otherwise no and im sorry

-BUT IF YOU DID MAKE HIM JEALOUS, THEN HE WILL MAKE YOU GO THE 110% AND MAKE EM THE MOST GLAMOROUS NAILS EVER.

-WORTHY OF EVEN THE GREATEST NAIL ARTIST, EVEN BETTER THAN THE ONES THAT DO THOSE AMAZING ASS NAILS FOR YOUTUBE.

-OR IF YOU REFUSE HE WILL TRY DO DO HIS OWN OF GET HIS MOM TO DO HIS.

-MIGHT BUY A BOTTLE SECRETLY AND GET NOYA TO DO IT IF HIS MOM SAYS NO.

-JEALOUSY IS KEY

(oh here we go-)

Kageyama

-now imagine in the gif above that you are Hinata.

-that’s his exact reaction.

-no matter how much you beg, he will not do it.

-bby even if you burst into tears he wont.

-actually scratch that he will. he will be the definition of  P A N I C

-and thats when you say if he lets you do his nails then he will look away with a light blush dusting his cheeks then will mumble a very quiet quiet,

-”fine...”

-of which then you will be so happy and the tears will vanish and he will be pouty but will let you do whatever the fuck you want to his setter fingers

-and his gorgeous nails will be decorated with whatever.

-you

-want

-<333

-so go crazy :)))

Yamaguchi

-now heres where im stuck

-im sure he will be flustered and refuse,

-but i also think hell agree immediately.

-so... probably with bribing, and like tsukki, he will want flat colors, no design.

-and subtle colors.

-not much to this guy but if tsukki starts to make fun of him he will be pressured to remove the nail polish and might start subconsciously picking it off.

-poor bby tell him its ok and that he’ll be perfect and look amazing with his pretty nails

-that will make him feel really good and prideful about it and he might let you do his nails again, so long as he gets to wear gloves around tsukki.

thank youuu feedback is welcome!

[ilysmxiao]

your title is gone now, childe. | childe x reader

ok this is rlly shitty bc ive nvr written for childe before. the reason why i did was bc there was a yt vid (which the link is here) and a lot of ppl were writing ab it,, so i decided to join in on it and my friend rlly liked it lol. so im posting this here . this is super shitty tho, cus i rushed it. childe is probably occ so b warned. anyways i might start writing genshin fics, so yea. pls pls pls check the warnings bc this is triggering,, gn prns used !! i wrote this listening to i bet on losing dogs on repeat lmao summary : the love of your life remains as your enemy, even as you both grow closer and share memories you would never share with another person. although you truly loved him, he had what you didn’t. in our lives, we do what we can to achieve what we want, even if it ruins what we already had. we must pay the price if we sought to get what we wish. warnings : character death, gore/blood, knife stuff, possible manipulation?? jus overall sad shit. please dont read this if ur triggered by those things !! 

at first, it had felt like a game - a childish one, in which both had fought for the title they held so dear. a number was just so in many eyes, but in their own, it held much more meaning. to be a harbringer, you must prove your strength. to achieve such title, it wasn't considered dirty to cheat, as it all was just part of the game. as time went on, though, it all had lost it's meaning, though one continued to fight - whether that was to prove he earned his title, and did not want to lose the superiority that it granted him, or for other selfish reasonings that even his inner thoughts refused to accept. due to his own lack of true understanding of the powers others held to make himself seem all the greater, childe went into the war blindly; yet, at the same time, too aware, so much so that his concentration on his weak spots created a new one entirely that was left open. it was not paranoia that put him in this spot, but his own selfish reasons he had yet to entirely understand. a cough escaped the males lips, blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth. it was then, did he realize he underestimated his lovers strength, their willpower, and the lack of true love they held for them. even with a knife against their neck, they would not back down, and it was far too late to realize such. whether [y/n] truly loved him or not, whether they used him for the title that granted them so much power in liyue, he could not tell if what angered him was the lies he had been given or the very fact he so gradually fell straight into them. in the end, all that mattered was who won, but he was unsure if the battle he sought was one he truly wished for. although he was a merciless harbringer, one with no care for the likes of someone like [y/n], he still had a right to love. not only so, but at the end of the day, [y/n] promised him that if all else corroded around the two, they would always be there. childe refused to listen to the soft spoken echoes of the loving words [y/n] used to tell him. he refused to watch the sweet memories of the two playing with teucer, bringing back the toys [y/n] taught him how to make for the pure fact that the poor kid would not find out the truth - or when they would lay in bed together, speaking of the many stories they had experienced in their lifetimes that made them who they were now. but when all is said and done, what all of that was true? did any of it mean anything, if the ones people truly loved hurt them in a way that was unforgivable? when they took away the one thing that meant so much to them? when all is taken, what do they become; what happens then? "oh, oh, my little baby," his lovers lips cooed, their hand softly grazing the others chin. "what have you become?" a soldier that blindly ran into war, fighting against a force he could never put his finger on. the title of a harbringer was an important one, though, how important it was to another was never going to be the same as the other. childe lacked to realize such, stuck in a bubble of his own selfishness and his love for the other - he never cared to realize how much it might have meant to the other. he never sought to realize the power that being even related to one it gave them, or the trip that it would put them on. childes eyes gazed up at his lover, soon shooting away to the empty space beside them. upon looking into those blue eyes of his, one could see the color began to dull and the ambitions he once held began to fade. "i should have been more cautious of you, i would have never expected you to be the one to steal this from me." although he said it in a tone that could show the way he laughed at his own faults, [y/n] knew very well that he had officially been stripped of what power he had held. "you underestimate me, childe. did the acts of other teach you nothing? even the ones you love betray you, a war can not have two winners." a small, hoarse chuckle left his lips; a burning sensation growing in his abdomen. the blood continued to poor out of his side, in which, caught his attention - his eyes glanced at the wound at his side, then back at his lover. he knew his time was up, as the thoughts of his loved ones and the risks he had managed to pull through with scattered his mind - was it worth it, leaving his loved ones behind, his younger brother who had meant as much to him as he did to teucer, in the end? "i hope that..," [y/n] paused for a moment, a small sigh leaving their lips. "in the next life, we meet again, and that you are sure not to let your guard down." the gaze that casted upon childes body soon wavered, turning into almost a sad one, perhaps even a disappointed one - in that moment, when their gaze met each others, they both realized what this both costed them both. it was clear that [y/n] still loved him, and always have loved him, and that was the breaking point for the both of them. one refused to show it, the other was uncaring of what he had let the other see. what is left after life is what truly matters, and although you may not like how it ended, at least something stuck with you until the end. right? "i-i'd like to believe that, [y/n]," childe muttered shakily, his brows very slightly furrowing. "you truly can not trust those closest to you." although the males lover already knew what they had done, what it had costed them - the one person he had chosen to love, the last words to leave childes lips was what had made him fully understand what he had done and the pain was one he knew that he never truly would be able to get away from. "well, we will see, won't we?" there was a pause, silence soon flooding the air. childe knew his time was coming, he accepted it, and it nearly mortified him to know things had to end the way it was going to. "y-yeah, we will.," few words left childes lips, and another blade plunged into his stomach. another groan left his lips, his face coiling slightly in pain. if you were to look hard enough, you could almost see the tears that soon began to prick the males eyes. "i love you, ajax." soon, [y/n] wrapped their body against their dying lover, and childe attempted to do the same. "i-i.., love.. you, too." those were the final words that childe spoke, his body soon going limp in his lovers arms. the words he spoke still lingered, echoing in the bristling sounds of leaves swaying in the wind - nothing more, nothing less. to become a harbinger, there were no rules - you just had to prove you were worthy of such a title, no matter what it costed, no matter how you cheated the rest. life does not come with special privilege's, no one will let you surpass them willingly, you have to fool them into believing you cant, and only then will you be able to reach what you sought for.

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[dropoutparty]

shurara corps ark fix-it concept babeyy!!

under a read more bc this shits long LOL

also this is kinda rambly but whatever

when it comes to shuraras motivations here, maybe he could have been another childhood friend of keroros. idk how they could have been introduced, maybe through pururu or just by meeting in school, but ig that part doesnt rlly matter. what DOES matter though is that shurara decided to tag along with keroro, giroro, zeroro, and pururu on one of their misadventures and he gets hurt during it. BADLY. pururu patches him up, and zeroro apologizes like crazy (since he knows how much this sucks), but shurara is left with a strong dislike of keroro and friends. except for pururu, who he still likes (but im not keeping the crush bc it serves no purpose here) and zeroro who he kinda forgives a little bit but just because he apologized so much. maybe this could have resulted in some major physical injury that affected how he lived for a while, or maybe it spawned a phobia, but either way it left an impact.

putata and mekeke are sent in first with the goal of beating up the platoon a little bit and taking the star because they are the most skilled team. shurara doesnt want the star because of some stupid bandaid, but he wants to take it in order to both deeply hurt keroros pride and also to potentially have his platoon no longer be officially recognized, taking away something that means a lot to keroro. they actually succeed in taking the keron star kinda. when they get back to base, they realize that the star is fake, its just a piece of fabric or paper with tape on it (like what happened in the original arcs ending). this way the shurara corps will be established as an actual threat and also the ending will have actual stakes.

gyororo sends word back to base that the keron star putata and mekeke got was fake, so giruru is sent in to ACTUALLY get the real star, as well as punish the platoon for embarrassing the corps like that. this one plays out kinda like the actual episode (bc im too lazy to think of anything else), but all that matters is that he still ends up captured.

after this, the platoon is like ok this might actually be serious so they go on high alert. one day dororo notices gyororo (who was sent in a little before putata and mekeke to scout the place out and gather info) bc hes the only competent member of the platoon and confronts him, outing his presence to everyone. gyororo fights back but he is also captured in the end.

after the platoon has captured giruru and gyororo , shurara plans to capture and torture a member of the platoon as revenge. before he can do this though, dokuku and nuii decide to rescue giruru and gyororo in secret. nuii serves as a distraction to everyone while dokuku goes to rescue the fellaz. theres some minor conflict but in the end the four of them escape. after that happens, shurara is furious about his subordinates disobeying him and doing things behind his back, but he keeps his goal the same.

im gonna change yukikis powers bc they kinda suck and hes confusing. anyways yukiki isnt actually a snowman, but hes the hat! kinda like in mario odyssey, you put the hat on anyone or anything, and it will immediately be controlled by yukiki. he was an experiment done to try to make a sentient object, and he got his name because he was first tested on a snowman (which also makes it the form hes most comfortable taking). anyways, shurara sends in yukiki to capture someone by taking control of them, but hes defeated somehow and returns empty-handed.

im also gonna change robobos powers a bit. with robobo i dont think that he should have the ability to turn people into electronics because thats dumb and doesnt make any sense, so im gonna give him the ability to just control other machines. he also doesnt have a giant form, and can switch his hands between their magnet form and their drill form. anyways, at this point shurara is furious and decides that he doesnt care about capture anymore, he wants the platoon dead. he decides to send robobo for the job because robots dont have the same margin of error that living things do, or at least theyre supposed to. turns out, they totally do bc robobo also comes back with a failure.

after this, shurara somehow lures the platoon to his base (just like in the anime) but this time everyone is waiting for them there in a big empty room together. shuraras disembodied voice gets a monologue like in the anime and the roof opens, lighting the room up because its a bright spring day. kagege then appears and takes control of the platoons shadows like in the anime! all of the shadows are used to fight the platoon, as well as the corps themselves fighting. its an epic fight, but just when it seems like the platoon is all gonna die, the corps suddenly decide to stop fighting. they all tell the platoon about how shurara has been acting worryingly erratic and obsessive, so they agree to spare the platoons life as long as they confront shurara. the platoon obviously agrees, and theyre taken to a holding area so that shurara thinks that theyve won. they give them this offer because theyre not personally invested in killing these nerds, they dont really care. they ARE worried about shurara though, seeing how obsessed with this hes become.

anyways kagege reports to shurara (in my headcanon hes like shuraras right hand man or something like that) and is like "we beat the platoon, but we didnt kill them. theyre our prisoners right now and were gonna torture them before we let you do the honors" and then shuraras like "poggers!!! thats a great idea!!" and then proceeds to drink his choccy milk and play minedcraft. meanwhile, some of the others are actually patching the platoon up and telling them what to do with shurara. they tell the platoon to try to hurt him as little as possible, and DEFINITELY dont fucking kill him, but just try to knock some sense into him and restrain him or something.

the platoon asks why shurara hates them so much and whoevers patching them up doesnt know, but kagege comes down soon after and tells them shuraras motivations. after this, some understanding can be felt by giroro and dororo (bc they were there, even tho dororo is the only one who remembers shirara like at all) and keroro feels kinda guilty but not too much bc head empty. later, the corps has a big celebration feast and shurara declares that hell painfully kill the platoon bright and early tomorrow. in all the commotion, nuii convinces gyororo to sneak down into the platoons holding cells to bring them some leftover food.

the next day, the platoon is brought to the same room that they fought the corps in, and theyre tied up. shurara is talkin abt how hes gonna kill them all super painfully and stuff but little does he know that the ropes holding the platoon are actually not secure at all (on purpose), so the platoon all escapes their bindings and a fight with shurara ensues. when the platoon is in a tight spot, one of the corps will show up real quick and help them out, kinda like a support in a fighting game. eventually, shurara is tied up and defeated technically.

shurara is whining and stuff and calling the corps a bunch of traitors, but the corps talk to him about how worried they all are about him and that this whole thing has gone too far (you rlly think these goobers are worth all this effort??). shurara says something about how keroro hurt him before, so he wants to hurt him and his platoon back. the corps are like ya i get that but killing them is wayy overkill no pun intended. keroro apologizes and maybe dororo can say something about how keroro also hurt him in the past but hes been able to move past that or whatever and shurara is like bro ur right and he starts crying like da babey he is lmao and there u have it!!! the arcs over and everyone is ok and happy!!! found family trope pog!!!!!!

[borom1r]

uhh for those f/o asks: all of them for both roger & doug!! (& lawrence but only if you want to! I know that's probably a lot hfjdksks)

NOOOOOO I WAS SO CLOSE TO DONE W THIS AND TUMBLR FUCKING. FROZE AND I LOST EVERYTHING KMS. ok here. we go again. (also skdjshfjk no F/O ask is ever too long i love them all So much!)

ROGER—

1) what’s a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

Everything That Happened To Him Was Tony's Fault.

2) on what do you disagree with other fans of your f/o?

sjkdfhks nothing bc there are like. 3 and a half LTTC fans.

3) did you used to ship your f/o with anyone before realizing you wanted to ship them with yourself?

no?? sjhfksd

4) do you feel like you have to defend your f/o all the time?

YES. that is my babygirl that is my PRINCESS i will fight and die by his side.

5) what’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

idk bcuz everyone besides you n Seb that ive seen who likes this movie is only there to fuck Martin Sheen. this is a blessing and a curse. no stupid takes abt Roger but no content either.

6) what are some tropes that fan art of your f/o tends to follow?

NONE. BC THERE IS NONE. (but Seb said hed make me a Roger dakimakura so do w that info what u will)

7) did your f/o deserve better?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8) do you even like the source your f/o comes from or do you only watch it for them & nothing else?

i have a love/hate relationship bc Tony Towers is a piece of shit. but also its a cute movie that makes me laugh

9) do you distance yourself from other fans of your f/o or their source?

What Other Fans?

10) how did you feel when you realized “oh of course i had to like That Character”?

skjdfhsdfj it was just like. Ah. Of Course The Most Pathetic Little Man Is My New Boyfriend. (affectionate)

11) do you think it’s better to have a copious amount of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

idrc bc i don't generally get upset abt ship art! and i ship my F/Os with other characters too so i don't get jealous or anything. its a double edged sword of "more popularity=more content but also more rancid fucking takes" so.

12) aren’t you tired of being nice? this is an excuse to rant.

I HATE TONY TOWERS TONY TOWERS IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ROGER IS DIRECTLY TONY'S FAULT. fr Roger went from being moderately successful n happy to being EXTREMELY successful. to fucking committing suicide. ALL because of Tony fucking with time!!!! if Tony had just been mature and humble and actually COMMUNICATED that he needed help nothing would've happened Roger would've had a happy life!!!! but instead Tony fucks with the timeline More and More and i dont wanna be like "he's directly responsible for his brother's suicide" bc that's a shitty thing to say except him screwing with the past is literally directly responsible for Roger getting into fights, starting to drink, getting arrested, getting into a toxic relationship, and fucking committing suicide!!!!!!!!! chomping and biting.

DOUG—

1) what’s a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

ummmm none?? i thinkwe're all generally in agreement tht hes just. a sweetheart

2) on what do you disagree with other fans of your f/o?

nothing?? hes just a little guy!

3) did you used to ship your f/o with anyone before realizing you wanted to ship them with yourself?

mm nah,, i think he's close w everyone else but there was no one i rlly shipped him with!

4) do you feel like you have to defend your f/o all the time?

nahh! he's got terminal lil guy syndrome which m very glad for

5) what’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

nothin??? do ppl say bad things abt Doug? shdfjsfd

6) what are some tropes that fan art of your f/o tends to follow?

everyone draws the "im wearing gloves" scene bsdjkfhds

7) did your f/o deserve better?

uhh nah!! he's just a strange off-putting dude w a group of friends who care a lot abt him! thats his best case scenario i think

8) do you even like the source your f/o comes from or do you only watch it for them & nothing else?

YES. I LOVE COOTIES

9) do you distance yourself from other fans of your f/o or their source?

uhh yea bc of the overlap w/ SAW fans im pretty nervous to interact w/ anyone im not already mutuals with....

10) how did you feel when you realized “oh of course i had to like That Character”?

SBDJFHLJSDF SO EXCITED!! SAME AUTISM.

11) do you think it’s better to have a copious amount of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

uhhh idrc bc i don't interact w/ it anyways (see SAW fandom overlap)

12) aren’t you tired of being nice? this is an excuse to rant.

I DONT HAVE ANYTHING BAD TO SAY M JUST SO HAPPY LEIGH CONFIRMED DOUG IS CANON AUTISTIC!!!!! SDFLSJFSLKDF HE'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANNA SEE FROM AUTISTIC CHARACTERS EVERY TIME I WATCH COOTIES I JUST:

LAWRENCE—

1) what’s a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

It Is Actually Narratively Fulfilling For Lawrence To Become A Disciple + Makes Complete Sense

2) on what do you disagree with other fans of your f/o?

that he's. a bad father/a bad person in general ig?

3) did you used to ship your f/o with anyone before realizing you wanted to ship them with yourself?

Uh Yeah Obviously (points @ the fuck-off big SAW polycule)

4) do you feel like you have to defend your f/o all the time?

not ALL the time but like... a lil bit.

5) what’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

if i see bad Lawrence takes i block on sight + clear them from my mind so i dont have any examples sbsjhdfsd

6) what are some tropes that fan art of your f/o tends to follow?

Adam ghost guilt art. y'know

7) did your f/o deserve better?

YES. RIPPING JOHN KRAMER'S THROAT OUT WITH MY TEETH.

8) do you even like the source your f/o comes from or do you only watch it for them & nothing else?

YES VERY MUCH SAW IS.

9) do you distance yourself from other fans of your f/o or their source?

YES i do not. like the SAW fandom. ive jokingly talked abt it but i literally do have an ongoing SAW blocklist tht ive shared w/ one friend that's abt 1/3 petty reasons + 2/3 people who were directly antagonistic/vagued me/sent me death threats on my old blog.

10) how did you feel when you realized “oh of course i had to like That Character”?

s(me every time i look @ lawrence)

11) do you think it’s better to have a copious amount of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

same as my answer for Doug; idc bc i dont interact w/ it outside of a small trusted circle

12) aren’t you tired of being nice? this is an excuse to rant.

while ill die on the hill that Lawrence becoming a disciple was the best decision for his character given Adam's death + what little we know about John and how he handles survivors that he was directly taking revenge on ("it can't be personal" shut the fuck up John *holding Amanda and Lawrence like Jake Gyllenhaal holds ferrets + shoving them in his face*), i will ALSO die on the hill that he's like. not directly to blame for what happened. like did he do awful things? is he the reason Lynn was chosen + inevitably died? yes. but we see that he's a fundamentally caring person (starting the survivor's group) through it all and like. He Was Brainwashed Into A Murder Cult And Made Physically Dependent On John Via A Prosthesis That Is Literally Just A Torture Device (when combined with his improperly-healed residual limb). while i love ghost!Adam content, like. not to be openly Adam Kinnie On Main but i wldn't HAUNT him. im haunting Mandy and John and DEFINITELY Hoffman (me n Eric are tag-teaming his ass) but Lawrence i am sitting gently on the edge of the bed and making sure his pillow is always cool.

[babysizedfics]

the first time vee regressed in therapy (and meeting michael after)

NOTE: this is almost 2k words... so it continues under the cut. No TWs!

for the first few sessions of vees therapy with dr picani, patton is in the room with them because of vee's selective mutism, so patton hung around to help translate for vee during seasions until she is able to speak for herself, and thru these firsts sessions emile sees how attached the two are to each other

and after about three or four weeks, once vee can reliably talk for herself, patton stil sits in the waiting room so if vee needs him he's there

im their first session without patton, emile actually prompts vee to tell him what she calls her uncle patton. she says "patton" but emile is like do u not call him uncle? and she hesitates bc she definitely doesnt call him uncle but she hates lying

and emile smiles knowing that she doesnt. then he asks "are there any other names you call your uncle, vee?" because unbeknown to vee, emile actually heard her call patton "dad" one day in the waiting room

she is made rlly nervous by this question but emile assures her he isnt trying to trick her or anything, he just wants her to be honest. and after some more coaxing she whispers that she calls patton "dad" and emile is like thats lovely

and suddenly vee is teary and panicky because shes scared emile is being sacastic or will quiz her about it, but he insists that its very nice that she is comfy calling patton that and that they are so close and it makes vee feel a lot safer

but that prompts emile to start asking her about her biological father, janus. has she ever called him dad or was he always janus? does she know why that is?

vee really tries her best to stay calm and answer, but the questions suddenly get too much and before she knows it virgil goes non-verbal bc she realises she is starting to regress

emile notices vee's distress and changes his voice like softer and more clear. he asks what is wrong, he assures her they dont need to talk about anything vee doesnt want to talk about. Can you breathe with me? Good thank you, can you talk? No thats alright you dont have to. Is there anything he can do to make her feel safe?

and the soft caring words just push vee compeltely into half regression and she starts fully crying, tears spilling down her cheeks and shaky breaths and little squeaks and sniffles and tightly cuddling her softie she took with her (a lilac octopus, dr violet)

after a couple minutes of just crying and emile givinf her some space to let it out, the tears arent slowing down. so she cries " i w-wan pa-p-p-..." giving up after she realises her voice is definitely little now

"what do you want, vee?" emile prompts so so kindly that it just makes vee's chest ache

she whimpers "w-wan papa" and trails off in sobs

and emile instantly knows she means patton. he very easily rolls with this infantile behaviour, being a child therapist a lot of the time. he just sees her acting like a toddler and he immediately thinks okay time to turn on the toddler therapy, no questions asked

emile stands up carefully and speaks clear and gentle "okay vee. dr picani is leaving for just a moment to get your papa, okay? I'll be back very soon" and vee just squeaks through her tears, so he hurries out to the waiting room to fetch patton

pat literally jumps from his seat when emile calls him in saying vee is upset and practically runs through the corridor and into the office. he immediately pulls her into a one armed cuddle on the couch while emile just closes the door rlly gentle for privacy and hands a box of tissues to patton. so patton softly shushes his baby and wipes her tears away while emile takes quick notes in his book

patton is rlly quietly shushing her and comforting her, trying to be discreet. emile notices that this is obviously a common occurence, and also notices that patton seems to be holding back something

so when patton looks up briefly and catches emiles gaze, emile just smiles and speaks softly "do you know what age regression is, patton?"

and patton breathes a massive sigh of relief and hugs vee tighter "yeah... yeah we do"

and emile nods and smiles a little sympathetic looking back at vee and patton jumps right back to comforting her, not trying to be discreet this time, going full papa mode now that he has the confirmation that emile knows about regression

patton lifts a still crying vee into his lap and cuddles her to his chest and rocks her. "its alright, baby, shh shhh, papas got you" (vee still crying and grabbing pattons shirt tightly) "i know i know, baby, youre ok"

then emile adds in softly "youre doing very well vee" and patton smiles at him then repeats for vee "did you hear dr picani? he said youre doing sooo well! youre so so brave, hunnybunny"

and eventually when vee is comforted enough and the tears have stopped, emile raises his eyebrows questioningly at patton and pat talks to vee: "vee, are you ready to talk to dr picani again?"

she whimpers and grips patton tighter. "its okay babygirl, papas not going anywhere..." patton hesitstes and looks up at emile a little worried "uh, as long as thats alright with dr picani"

emile nods and smiles softly when vee peeks over her softie at him "of course. you can do whatever you want vee, if having your dad - or your papa here makes you feel safer then of course he can stay. would you like patton to stay so you can feel safer?"

vee doesnt respond but frowns and hides behind dr violet again, and emile looks to patton

patton explains gently "we need simpler language than that for her when she's regressed."

"oh my apologies..." emile starts, then tries again. "Vee?" he waits for vee to lower her softie from her eyes again to show shes listening. "Do you still want your papa?"

vees shoulders are tensed and shes hugging her softie so tight, still hiding partially behind it, but she nods a little

and so they continue with patton in the room

throughout the session she is REALLY shy of emile in this headspace but emile is just rly gentle and treats her like an actual young child while she sits in pattons lap and tries to interact with him, so emile manages to coax some stuff from her. and is shocked to find that this seems to be a headspace that actuslly allows vee to be more open and honest with him even if her language is limited

he asks her how does she feel right now? its okay if she doesnt know. is she scared? thats okay, it is very scary. she's being so brave. but is papas lap soft and warm? thats very nice! does it make her feel safe? does it help her tears go away? well thats good to hear, we dint want you to be sad. do you love papa? Can you show me how much? Woah that's a lot!!

and once vee has calmed down a lot and giggled a little at how nice dr picani is being to her, emile sees vee start to suck her thumb

unfortunately its not sanitary for her to suck her thumb in oublic since she must have touched surfaces, and pat brings her thumb away and desperately apologizes when vee whines and starts tearing up when papa wont let her suck her thumb. she dorsnt have her pretty paci so what else is she meant to do!

then emile announces in a very babytak voice. "vee, can you guess what I have in my desk drawer? Haha No, not frogs. Look!" and he pulls out a handful of lollipops! all different colours! and vee starts bouncign a little on papas lap and smiling

with a quick check that she has no allergies (egg, but there aint no egge in lollipops) emile lets her pick a flavor/color then givs it to her to suck on

patton needs to hold it for her though in case she accidentally swallows it, so her lil hands are just holdin gently on papas hand as he holds the lollipop for her and her legs are swingin, dangling down from papas lap bc she happy stims when she is eatin sweets by kicking her feet!

nearing the end of the session emile tells vee how good ahe's been answering al his questions and being well behaved for her papa. so he lets her pick a sticker to prove how good she was today!

but she doesn't want to touch the sticky or have it one her pretty dress, so patton asks her to point to her favourite and papa can pick it up for her. but shes too shy to pick one

so papa chooses one for her, a puffy pink kitty, then puts it on his nose to make her giggle. shes shy abt giggling in front of emile and buries her face on papas shoulder and patton cradles her head and coos and emile just watches all of this rly softly

and then their time is up and patton smiles and pats vee's leg and asks if she wants to be carried and she shakes her head with a proud smile. patton gasps "are you gonna be a big girl and walk on your own?"

then vees smile drops and she whines and grabs pats hand and patton giggles "no no not completely on your own. paps gonna hold your hand baby" so she nods and they get up with patton holding her hand

then patton says goodbye to emile and thanks him for being so kind to vee, and emile says "my pleasure. i'll see you next week vee!"

vee squeezes her papas hand and shuffles behind him a little. but she waves her softies tentacle at emile to say goodbye and emile smiles and waves to them "byebye dr violet, make sure you keep vee safe and happy this week!" and vee giggles and patton leads her outside

in the waiting room vee is much more closed off because theres the receptionist and a couple other clients in there so she just keeps her eyes down while papa signs them out - then she hears a slightly deep voice say "oh, I really like your stuffie"

vee doesnt really know how to react, she looks up a little and sees dark blue jeans and thick legs and vans sneakers but then quickly tugs pattons hand and steps behind him to hide from the stranger

"Thank you! It was a 'well done for going to therapy' gift from me" patton says cheerfully, and vee starts stroking his fingers as a comfort stim

"aw that's sweet!" the stranger says just as joyful as patton... so vee feels okay looking up now that she knows this stranger wasnt trying to make fun of her

she only catches some shaggy brown hair and a tshirt with what looks like a horror film image on it that she doesnt recognise. she doesnt dare make eye contact but she can tell the stranger is smiling at her

and she cant talk, shes too little, but shes not little enough to not understand whats happening. so she lets go of pattons hand bruefly to sign "thank you" then quickly grabs his hand again, feeling her cheeks warm and looking back to the ground

"you're welcome!" the stranger says, still happy, so vee smiles a little, then tugs pattons hand and looks up at him pleadingly

patton is beaming, his cheeks bunched in the biggest smile. "ready to go, sweetie?" vee nods "okay, here we go. It was lovely meeting you..."

"michael!"

"michael" patton smiles and holds out his other hand to shake michaels hand. "im patton and this is vee! have a good night!"

"you too, patton!" michael bids as patton and vee start walking away. then the voice soeaks again "bye vee!"

vee doesnt respond but she smiles and pulls dr violet up to hide it

patton leads her out to the parking lot and as he buckles her seatbelt for her he presses a big kiss to her cheek "im so so proud of you, babygirl"

and the whole ride home patton speaks softly and recaps what was good about theraoy this week. he does it to reinforce with vee that this is a good thing to do.

he talks about how lovely dr picani was and how he already knew what regression was. he talks about how funny his jokes were and how much she giggled. and her lollipop and her sticker - which they just realised was still on pattons nose and laughed about. and he talked about the lovely boy in the waiting room who liked vee's softie!

and the whole time vee is smiling and giggling and blushing and getting closer to full regression so that when they get home vee is just a bouncy wiggly giggly baby all night

[chanyoungies]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3