#ok essay over I just want to finish by saying this take comes from the same person who thinks tlt is better than baru so.

[kitten4sannie]

ok hear me out bc this is a bit freaky, but yeo making u hold ur pee all day and laughing at u when u piss urself

ahhh a fellow piss enthusiastttt you came to the right place heheh,, but omg yeo would be such a bullyyyy <33 i hope you enjoy this little imagine :3 (i say little but it’s an entire essay atp loll)

imagine he takes you out to the city to look around, enjoy the scenery, the hustle and bustle around you, the stores, the food, the drinks. Now that you think about it, he keeps buying them for you and sharing them with you, but you end up drinking most of them on your own. A matcha latte you saw in an ad on the cafe window, a new bubble tea flavor you just had to have, and now you had ended up in some bar sharing a beer flight.

You were denied access to the bathroom all day, but now it was starting to get serious. Your bladder was pressing painfully against your lower abdomen, feeling like it would burst at any second.

It didn’t help that your boyfriend got some sick amusement out of watching you squirm and whine, your face screwed in discomfort. “I really have to go, Yeo…please, can I go?”

Yeo would lick his lips and push one of the beers he barely touched in your direction. “Maybe after you finish this, baby.”

You might’ve been dating a sadist, but you couldn’t complain. You wanted what he wanted, even if that meant it would end in humiliation.

You drank the beer down and immediately crossed one leg over the other, gripping the edge of the glossy wooden table, your knuckles white. “Yeo, I’m seriously going to burst. Please…please let me go.”

Yeosang would stand up after he paid for the drinks and lean in towards you, his piercing gaze studying the light sheen of sweat on your skin, your flushed cheeks, the concern etched into your face. Seeing you like this always made him extremely pleased. And harder than he’s ever been before. “Hold it,” he would command callously, as he guided you out of the crowded bar, your core aching with every step, doing everything in your power not to piss yourself with an audience present.

Once he leads you outside to an empty alleyway, he pushes you against the wall, making you let out a squeaking sound. “Yeo, it’s gonna come out. I can’t fucking hold it anymore!”

Yeosang presses his large hand against your taut lower abdomen, slowly pushing down, cooing, “Aww, is the poor baby gonna piss all over herself in front of me? Gonna get all filthy, hm? You can’t be a good girl and hold it longer?”

“I can’t…i can’t hold it…I can’t…” you mumbled under your breath, only taking one more push of your boyfriend’s hand, before your muscles relaxed against your will. Breathing heavily and whining, “It’s coming out,” a heavy amount of liquid begins to pour down your legs and past your skirt, drenching your thighs and spilling onto the concrete floor. “Yeosang…this is all your fault…”

Overwhelmed with the sight of you pissing yourself against your will, ready to lap up the tears that fell from your burning face, Yeosang would let out a satisfied laugh, pointing at the yellowish stream that was still flowing onto the floor and creating a puddle around the both of your feet. “Look at you, baby, holy shit. You’re making such a mess! You’re so fucking filthy.”

Now you really couldn’t hold back the tears, grabbing onto Yeosang’s shoulders and pulling him into a hug, crying into his neck, “Your fault…you meanie…”

He would rub your lower back in circles, pressing kisses onto your jaw and earlobe, whispering, “Don’t cry, sweetheart. You know I love it when you’re a dirty girl.”

[mylambandmartyr]

when you have the time and energy id be very interested to hear why you dislike the punisher (2017)......... because i also dislike it but can never put into words why or even point to a reason. its always "frank's vibes are off" or "the general vibes are off" or "its painfully unfunny" or "it just annoys me". if you have anything more specific or analytical id love to hear it

Where to even start…

Ok. I'm going to be focusing on just the first season where it’s at it’s "best" to be generous, because all of the most egregious issues get so much worse in the second season so it barely counts in my mind.

It’s got all of the trademark Marvel Problems. The cringe dialogue, the convoluted plots, the nationalist propaganda, the aggressive heterosexuality, sacrificing an interesting story in favor of an American-dream-Apple-pie-and-motherhood ass-plot… etc. etc…

I’ll split this up into a miscellaneous laundry list of complaints for structure, so this doesn’t end up turning into a rambling essay.

• Incoherent messaging/Bad politics

First off, It’s US military propaganda, but we all know that. That impacts its ability to tell an authentic, thoughtful story. Propaganda is always full of contradictions and exceptions to its own rules, which exacerbates problems that already riddle corporate media.

The most glaring problem I think most Marvel properties have is lack of a cohesive message and themes. Daredevil suffers from a similar issue, which is as much of a "too many cooks in the kitchen" problem (too many contradicting ideas) for what they wanted as it is with the producers being spineless hacks who were unable to decide what they wanted their story to be.

They wanted to have their cake and eat it too, in a lot of respects. They wanted to tell a story about trauma, vengeance and the brutality of war but they also wanted a All-American Badass Gun Guy to get young people interested in enlisting, so it constantly jettisons back and forth in tone and makes for shitty television.

• Stupid Plot

The conspiracy-thriller plot feels off-base for a Punisher story, and is jarring if you saw season 2 of Daredevil. It doesn’t even feel like it takes place in the same universe (none of it feels cohesive, which as stated is a running problem)

The series begins with Frank "finishing" his mission to eliminate everyone involved with the murders of his family and symbolically burning his Punisher vest. This is beyond stupid for a variety of reasons. From a continuity perspective, a storytelling perspective, a character motivation perspective… it just doesn’t make sense. This means the writers have to scramble to come up with a new conflict, which is absurd to me when they could’ve just… had him keep going.

• General Characterization

You’re entirely correct in that Frank’s character just feels off. Like I said earlier, going into the Punisher fresh off of Daredevil season 2 is jarring, even before I knew anything about the character from the comics. There’s a sense that there’s something missing with Frank’s motivations and it definitely has a lot to do with the aforementioned stupid Government conspiracy A-plot in season 1.

Imo, Jon Bernthal, despite everything, plays Frank pretty well considering the material he’s been given, but there’s still something off. @cabfarewell says that it’s because he plays him too much like a cop, which I think is true. There’s just air of… Bootlicker throughout the whole show that undercuts the fact that Frank, at his core, is a character who gets fucked over by his government, which is vaguely gestured at but never satisfyingly addressed.

• Sexism

It goes without saying that Marvel is dogshit at female characters and the Punisher is no exception.

It’s tragic because Karen Page, Dinah Madani, Sarah and Leo Lieberman (and to some extent Maria) all have potential but are woefully underutilized. It’s very clear that the writers are using stock archetypes as a crutch (Potential Love interest, "Virtuous" Cop, Mother, Daughter, Dead Wife etc…) and never expand on them more, because clearly they do not see them as people, but like I said, this is par for the course for Marvel, nobody’s surprised.

• The Liebermans

Then there’s my beloved Micro.

I adore Micro as a character for a variety of reasons and I think Ebon Moss-Bacharach plays him fantastically, BUT it has to be said that he embodies a lot of antisemitic stereotypes.

The narrative aggressively pushes the audience to view him as an unathletic, cowardly effete intellectual who’s reluctant to get his hands dirty. He’s scheming and not entirely trustworthy, he’s simultaneously hypersexual and impotent. Literally the only way they could’ve made it worse is if they made him a cheapskate with deep-seated mommy issues.

It’s kind of bizarre because there are things David does that directly contradict the stereotypes, he’s clearly very capable, and not a coward, but Frank and other characters insist that they’re true. It’s just bad writing.

They kind of half-ass a suggestion of a character arc, but it ultimately ends with a restoration of the status quo which MAKES NO SENSE for David as a character.

Sarah’s an even worse case, not even getting an arc and barely changing as a result.

Like I said earlier, Sarah is neglected by the narrative which makes a lot of the things she does not entirely make sense taking into account how a real person might respond in her situation. Sarah and her kids are more plot devices than people, which is disappointing, because I feel like giving her more character would have enriched the story a lot. She’s positioned as a mirror to Frank, being also recently widowed and coping poorly, and like most things in this show this is never addressed fully.

[pardonmydelays]

clancy tour (watching a livestream) essay 🙏

anon, this question made me so unbelievably happy omg. i just can't get around to the eras tour essay, however, i do feel the need to write, so we're doing this instead.

for the context: i woke up at 5:30 today to watch the livestream of clancy LA show. no, i wasn't there in person. but mentally i was.

please, listen to this incredible playlist while you read my essay (no one's gonna read, it mark my words):

i have decided we will just go through the entire setlist. i don't want to make this too long but i wanna talk about EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. let's fucking go.

OVERCOMPENSATE

so this is when i started crying. who the fuck cries on overcompensate, you would ask... well, me, apparently. i honestly think this is the best opener for both, an album and a show. this song gives me so much serotonin i can't even explain it. i'm always worried about tyler tho because his entrance looks dangerous (the jump, the jump, I AM TALKING ABOUT THE JUMP!). nothing bad happened tho, thankfully. i also noticed he was wearing the other version of clancy jacket today, the one with the hood. not that it's important, but it kinda is. for me at least.

HOLDING ON TO YOU

ok, so if you know me you probably know this is my ultimate favourite twenty one pilots song. and the live performance is even better with the crowd stand at the beginning (i swear to god, it's so incredible to me how much trust tyler has for the clique), clancy mask and lightbulb mic (you can tell tyler has a lot of fun with it), and my favourite part - josh's piano backflip during the bridge of the song. fucking iconic. what's not to love.

VIGNETTE

first thing i want to talk about is the insane transition from holding on to you to vignette. honestly, all transitions are so fucking amazing on clancy tour, it's impressive. now, tyler's little dance during this song is one of the most adorable things i've ever seen (he is such a cat omg) and and and! NEIL BANGING OUT THE TUNES!!! i'll be honest with you, because of this part vignette became one of my favourite songs from clancy and definitely one of my faves from this tour.

CAR RADIO

another one of my favourites. car radio will always hold a very special place in my heart, it's so relatable to me. it makes me so happy that we have a chance to see it being performed in clancy costume (and clancy mask!!!). and when tyler teleports at the end! (also i think he's wearing a totally different jacket in this clip which probably means he has three different clancy jackets, i have no proof tho so i'm just gonna shut up. the video is from LA night one tho. not my show). here's another clip, you can see how he teleported here.

THE JUDGE

ok, so for those who don't know, right before every show the fans in their incredible outfits are being filmed while singing the judge together and every night they show a different video of them singing first verse + chorus and then after that tyler comes out with his ukulele to finish the song. it makes me cry for no reason at all. yes, i cried today too (it just makes me so happy to see all the clikkies singing together and they all look so beautiful always). so what happened today? content warning glitch happened during fan video, you can watch it here, then blurryface tweeted this:

i am losing my goddamn mind over this, people on the livestream were losing their shit when this happened, I STARTED CRYING LIKE A GODDAMN FOOL BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL ABOUT EVERYTHING THIS BAND IS DOING. ugh. i was so right to watch today's livestream. something's gonna happen soon guys. they are warning us.

(i added CUT MY LIP to the playlist but technically it's the judge/cut my lip mashup so there's really not much to say about it)

THE CRAVING + TEAR IN MY HEART

the transition. the goddamn transition!!! it's honestly so fucking cool and probably one of my favourite parts of the tour. i absolutely love all jenna's songs and everyone who says they should not be on the setlist, fuck you forever. in this house we stan all jenna's songs. i usually cry on the craving and tyler is being so silly during tear in my heart - this is my favourite thing in the world. plus, do you really hate the sound of ukulele???

BACKSLIDE

ok, i actually started crying as soon as i realized we're singing backslide now. i love this song so goddamn much, it means the world to me. at one point it was my favourite song from clancy. the chorus breaks my poor little heart every single time and live performance of this song is so emotional... especially at the end when tyler is on his knees (the video is not from tonight's show but it's my favourite one from backslide, please watch it, his vocals here are INSANE). it's like crying for help. i wanna kill myself now. i relate to this song so much. also, backslide is the reason i decided to buy clancy tour tickets, so there's that.

SHY AWAY

oh, thank god this one is on the setlist. you know how much i love scaled and icy and i think out of all the songs from this album shy away is the best one to put on the setlist because the live performance is always so fun!!! don't you shy aWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! the scream is absolutely fucking everything oh my god. actually, i just love when tyler screams. but don't we all.

HEATHENS + NEXT SEMESTER

ok, now don't hate me, please, but i was never the biggest fan of heathens (i don't hate the song, i like it, just not as much as the others. i probably wouldn't cry if it wasn't on the setlist). however, the transition (again!!!) from heathens to next semester is the best goddamn thing in the entire world and i am losing my mind every single time i come across any clip of this moment. please, watch it, this is everything!!! one question tho: i know tyler was playing bass on the platform for next semester and he didn't do that today, did he just stop doing this recently or is it because of what happened yesterday during the show? (not during this song tho, or at least i know nothing about it, but it seems like LA fans absolutely cannot behave and he was definitely being more careful today, more about it later tho).

ROUTINES IN THE NIGHT

oh boy, this is my vigilante shit for real. remember vigilante shit performance from the eras tour and how everyone was losing their shit when they saw taylor doing the choreography with this motherfucking chair? yes. it's basically that except tyler is fully dressed. which is even worse maybe (y'all know how i feel about his clothes for some reason). one of my favourite songs from the album, but after seeing the live performance for the first time i became absolutely obsessed with the song. i was genuinely scared today because this is basically what happened last night in LA (i swear to god people are acting like fucking animals) and i noticed that tyler was being much more careful this time: he wasn't coming so close to people, and honestly good for him. he didn't even let them touch him during this part. i can't blame him. i feel so bad for what happened. hope he's ok.

ADDICT WITH A PEN + MIGRAINE + FOREST + FALL AWAY

my favourite mashup in the entire fucking world. but before we get into it, please this is so fucking funny and adorable. so basically, before playing the mashup, tyler sat by the piano and he said "currently i'm temperature hot. so i would want to take my jacket off, i promise not to turn on all the dads tonight" and then this happened. poor guy didn't know what to do LMAO. he's such a cutie, please watch the video, he's so adorable i can't. he's also the funniest person on earth. back to the topic, the mashup... i am such a slut for their old songs and this mashup is absolutely fucking insane. the song i love the most out of those is, of course, forest. according to tyler, this song is so old it basically doesn't exist. fuck you, tyler joseph. i can't believe i'm going to hear it live tho, holy shit. i will be fucking SOBBING during this part, i just know that.

MULBERRY STREET

this is such a fun song to play live and one of my favourite moments. you can tell how much fun tyler has each time they play it, also this! this is everything!!! he's always so happy when this happens, he trained us well hahaha. it's so fun omg. can't wait to be a part of it. this has always been one of my favourite songs from scaled and icy so i'm glad they decided to keep it on the setlist.

NAVIGATING

get in, losers. we are entering the lore now. ok, honestly, this part of the tour is absolutely everything to me. torchbearer with his torch? and clancy jacket?? coming to pick him up so they can perform while dema is burning??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. oh my GODD. also, navigating is so special to me (i picked this url for a reason) and live performance of this song is fucking fire. watch it. watch the clip. just watch the goddamn clip, will you? we all know this song is on the setlist because of josh, so everybody say thank you josh. also you can tell tyler is very emotional about this song and i just wanna give him a hug. oh my god. i can't wait to hear it live. this will fix me (it will probably make me worse).

NICO AND THE NINERS + HEAVYDIRTYSOUL

the MOTHERFUCKING transition!!! i know i say this a lot but i am such a slut for all the transitions on this tour, oh my god. they are so good. also i absolutely fucking love how we're still in the lore and also, the visuals are absolutely incredible, and also, nico and the niners is one of my favourite songs (the one that got me into their music actually) and also heavydirtysoul live is INSANE and also-

MY BLOOD

ok, i'm sorry, i keep forgetting that this song is on the setlist. it's not one of my favourites (don't fucking hate me, i like it, it's just not my fave). i will be very much singing it at the concert tho cause it's so good live. not much to say about it tho.

OLDIES STATION

boy, here we go. so i started crying at the very beginning of the song and honestly i have no idea how i'm going to handle this live. i am so very normal about this song. it means everything to me. the worst part of it tho was when during the song tyler said "thank you so much for using our music. you've saved us in ways you'll never know". OH MY GOD. i started weeping even more. it's like... their music saved US but we also saved THEM and i need 3-5 business days to recover after that. good lord. listen, i love slowtown and i'm sad that it's not part of the setlist anymore, but i love oldies station a hundred times more and that was a good change me thinks.

FAKE YOU OUT + GUNS FOR HANDS

putting those two together just because i can and i will. vessel is such a great album and it makes me so happy that those two are on the setlist. screaming "our brains are sick but that's okay" with the entire arena is going to fix me, for sure. also, here's the clip of tyler messing up the lyrics (he basically went kjbufbfkkjejkebfkjk after that lmao). can't blame him. the rap part is so fast. i died tho. he's so funny, please.

LAVISH

i can't even begin to explain how happy i am to have this one on the setlist. it's the funniest moment on tour and i love watching them being stupid on stage. also, jOsH iS sHiRtLeSs. the walk, THE WALK LMAO. the best choreography you've ever seen. i just love seeing them so silly and happy and this is everything. i paid a lot of money to see this live. i'm definitely not gonna regret this.

RIDE

so the thing i love about this tour is that every single night while performing this song tyler brings a different kid to sing the chorus with him (it's the equivalent of giving the hat during 22 on the eras tour i would say). tonight we had an adorable girl named callie (if i'm correct). she did so well! also i was giggling so much when tyler said she's cute (he was giggling too hdshfbhekj). i just love watching him with kids, it's so sweet!!! also she had a great beanie with band's logo, i want one too. please watch the clip of them singing together!

PALADIN STRAIT

i was crying. i was crying so much, i love this song and the live performance is so emotional. i put the song bandito on the playlist, because there's this moment in the song where tyler is singing the bridge of paladin strait and josh is singing bandito at the same time and OH MY GOD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR THE LORE??? THIS IS SO CLEVER AND I AM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND EVERY SINGLE TIME I THINK ABOUT IT. please, watch. this is sick as fuck. you don't understand. do you even understand? OR AM I THE ONLY ONE I KNOW???? i'm sorry i just can't i can't i am defeated i am absolutely insane about this part. also, the ending when they are showing the clip of paladin strait music video combined with other clips which looks like a flashback from clancy's life and his never ending battle with nico? the fuck??? and then we go straight to...

JUMPSUIT

the motherfucking coat. not gonna say anything else. just. the coat. oh dear lord. now i am temperature hot.

MIDWEST INDIGO

now my favourite part of midwest indigo is tyler taking off his coat very slowly. because he fucking knows what he's doing. but also, this song is so special to me. i know he wrote it as a love letter to ohio and i'm not even american but somehow this song always makes me think about my hometown. the live performance is so great. the beginning with the bass! he's adorable!

STRESSED OUT

"i don't want stressed out on the setlist it's so overplayed" kill yourself. i love stressed out because i have good taste. it's fun. it's a great song with great lyrics and you fuckers hate it only because it's popular. just shut up. shut the fuck up. in this house we actually enjoy listening to good songs. i personally want it to be on every setlist. if stressed out has no fans it means i killed myself. i'm dead. i'm gone. stressed out defender forever and always. also clancy tour version is incredible. just watch it and shut the fuck up.

TREES

again, i was so scared about my boys because of what happened yesterday in LA. people are fucking animals. i'm so glad, because tyler actually decided to call them out for this and seems like it was much better today. but still. guys please, behave, cause if you're not gonna start acting responsible they are going to stop performing like this. it's still insane compared to the opening night of clancy tour where people didn't even come closer until tyler told them to. i also just noticed now that tyler's t-shirt had black font today (the previous one had red font) for the first time. i think i was just too tired to notice this before. there's not much i can tell you about trees, because you just simply have to be there to understand. it's a perfect song to end the show (for those who don't know: they always close their shows with this one), it's something i experienced live once before and i can't even compare it to anything. i wasn't even crying. my soul literally just left my body. trust me, there's absolutely nothing like trees live. i can show you thousands of clips and it will never be enough. nobody does it like them. seriously. this is the moment. the moment of all moments. i am in fact crying now...

TO SUM IT UP:

great show. 10/10. would recommend. i'm going to see them live in 223 days. this is the thing that makes me want to stay alive. yes. i need to stay alive for this. whoever sent me this ask, thank you. it means the world to me. i need to talk about them because it's the only joy in my life now. they are the reason i want to push on through. also, if you made it this far, thank you. i love you. and i'm sorry.

[equallyshaw]

king of my heart | colton dach.

little blurb😌

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Warnings: some angst ofc, some swearing.

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Word count: 4.7k

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Time skips/slow burning (:

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'the first meeting'

angela pulled her shy and quiet cousin piper, from her room one evening, forcing her to participate in the group shenanigans. piper sighed, letting her cousin drag her from her room after putting up quite a fight. she argued that her midterm essay was more important than whatever was going on in the living room. which to be frank it was, but to angela she wanted piper to meet the somewhat flashy, arrogant and charismatic colton dach. best friend to her boyfriend, nolan allan. a golden retriever and black cat, match made in heaven angela and nolan believed.

nolan spotted her from the living room, as he looked to the kitchen which peaked in just a bit in his view. "ah my favorite ricci!" he said jumping up and going over to greet the girl. angela and piper were the closest of the cousins, practically sisters because of being the same age. therefore, once nolan came into the picture, he took her in as a sister. "ahh yes, one of the annoying canadian's." she huffed filling her water bottle. "hey now, you've got more in there that could fit that bill." he mused pulling her in for a bear hug. "watch the hair, dude." she gritted causing angela to laugh heartedly. "ok come on you two." she said pushing the two towards the 2008 mario kart competition that was happening between nolan, colton, bedard, reichel, vlasic, and korchinski. "she's hereee!" angela announced and piper rolled her eyes. "if it isn't the famous piper!" vlasic said causing piper to roll her eyes, "hi alex, nice to see you again." she said sitting down beside him on the couch. the other guys looked over to wave and introduce themselves. colton was the furthest from the girl, sitting on the ground, and waited his turn to say hi. as soon as the two locked eyes, he felt himself get incredibly nervous. his stomach filled with Butterflies. she gave him a small smile before snatching the controller from vlasic and taking over for him. "oh oh its on!" nolan announced, ready to or at least attempt to beat the skilled girl. "you have to realize at some point babe, that you are never going to beat her. not with her constantly playing by herself." angela said without filtering what she was going to say. "you say that if it's a bad thing, angie." alex said quickly defusing the situation and taking the blow just a bit. piper swallowed hard, focusing in on her character. she gave a small nod to alex, thanking him. colton watched from his spot on the floor, before turning back toward the screen. he was intrigued by that little comment.

•

'callin me babe'

it was a few weeks later when piper was by herself at the apartment finishing up some textbook reading when she heard a knock at her door. she looked at the time, and knew that angela was still in class so it couldn't be her. unless she forgot her keys ofcourse. piper hopped off the kitchen barstool and headed over towards the door, and she was surprised at who she found on the other side. "hey colton, right?" she asked and he nodded. a small blush appearing over his cheeks. "how can i help ya?" she asked, opening the door further for him to enter. "i left something here a few days ago, and nolan said i could come over and grab it. or well downstairs." he said chuckling just a bit. "oh, yeah for sure! you live upstairs?" she asked and he nodded, going to retrieve the item. "yeah, i just started a sublease for the time being." he said coming back into the kitchen where she was. "oh nice!" piper said from behind the counter. colton walked back in and stared at the girl for a few seconds, "i couldn't find it." he said and her eyebrows creased a bit. "nolan should be back from the store soon, do you wanna wait here until then?" she offered and he nodded. "you can watch tv or play the wii or do whatever. ill just be in here if you need anything." she said smiling softly and he nodded. "what are you working on?" he asked as she sat back down. "uhh just some light case reading." she joked, flipping the 3rd page of the 12 page case study. she unclasped her highlighter, and read the first line when colton spoke again. "angela said you're studying psychology right?" he asked and she nodded, continuing to read. "that's neat, she said you wanna do non profit work?" he questioned and she looked up from her packet and nodded at him. "yeah, how much other info has she given out about me?" she asked half serious. though, colton couldn't tell. "uhhh...." he stuttered and she giggled. "I'm kidding, i promise. its always nice keeping you hockey players on your toes." she hummed, sipping her water. "oh really?" he asked cocking an eyebrow, leaning across the counter in front of her. "ah huh. nolan is easy ofcourse, little shit. and then alex can catch it sometimes but he's still a dummy." she explained causing colton to laugh. "nolan is special, what can we say?" he played and she giggled. colton thought for a second, "you and alex?" he questioned and piper caught on. "oh god no! angela and i have known him since we were younglings. our two brothers used to play hockey with him. he's family." piper said shaking her head. colton nodded, "why do you ask?" piper questioned. colton thought for a few seconds before responding, "had to know if i had a chance with ya." he said confidently. piper looked down at her case study before looking at him, anxiety rising within her body. "is that so?" she quirked and he smiled. "ya know it babe." he mused, causing her to blush.

•

it had been a few weeks since then and spring break was now rolling around for the girl. the two still hadn't gone out with one another due to her cramming last-minute essays in and him away on the road. though they had hung out with the group a few times, over dinner after a game or a sunday brunch which was piper and angela's favorite thing to do. colton made his way down from upstairs with two cups of coffee this rainy and foggy, monday morning. he let himself in with a key nolan had given him and korchinski who was colton's roommate. "morning lovebirds." colton announced walking into the living room and angela flipped him off from under the blanket. nolan laughed softly, "long night, I'm sure piper is feeling the same." nolan explained and colton's eyebrows crinkled. "she drank?" he asked and nolan nodded. "i thought she didn't." he said and nolan shrugged, "she got a bad grade. she's upset about it." angela groaned, and colton nodded walking down the hall towards piper's room. he knocked softly, hearing the box fan on the other side and quickly slipped in. piper was awake but had her eyes shut, "hey babe." colton said softly, setting down the coffee on her bedside table. she turned over and smiled softly, "hi." she said opening one eye to look up at him. she looked lovely in his eyes, her brunette hair laid across the pillow, her green eyes lighting up in the sun that peeked through her blinds and the softness of her voice, laced it all together. "i was just thinking about this, thankyou." she hummed sitting up and pulling the cup to her chest. she looked back up at colton and padded the spot next to her. he nodded, walking over and hopping in. this was not the first time he'd ended up in her bed. the other three times were from becoming too tired or exhausted to go back upstairs to his own bed. that was it, nothing else. she sat against the headboard, shutting her eyes for a few seconds. it was instant, she felt his eyes on her. "can you not?" she teased, setting her coffee down and turning over on her side. colton set his down and turned on his side to face the girl, watching as he did so. "hi babe." she hummed, smiling. "whats your plan for the day?" she asked, and he looked up as if he had to think. but he wanted one thing, "whatever you're doing." and that made her smile. "well, if dancemoms is on your schedule than perfect, cause i have nothing else to do." she said cheekily. he laughed, "ofcourse! what else would i want to do on a rainy day." he responded filling her with butterflies. "good." she hummed. "good." he responded, "now that we have that settled, which season are we watching?" he questioned, and she smiled widely jumping up a bit. "season 2 the best one of all!" she said excitedly, turning on her tv.

•

'king of my heart'

it was now thursday of that week, and the blackhawks had pulled out a huge win against the detroit red wings, with the team having the rest of the week off; the little group of younglings - well hooligans according to piper, were on their way back to their apartment after a long dinner. piper drove her and colton through the city streets, as she felt concerned about him driving in the city. she commented on his driving one day they went to get starbucks together with korchinski and she felt as if she was going to die as they were michigan avenue. she took her right hand off the wheel and laid it down on the middle console as the two were only a few blocks away from the apartment itself. colton took that opportunity to grab ahold of it, causing her to blush. they pulled into the parking garage, with colton not wanting to let go of the girl's hand. she took her time collecting her things from the console and making sure his seat was back in it's original spot, so he took that chance to walk over and open the door for her. "why, thankyou." she beamed, taking the hand outstretched for her. "ofcourse m'lady." and she laughed at the dorkiness. the two walked through the garage, holding eachother's hand seeing nolan and angela walking on the other side of it.

piper smiled at angela who was skipping around nolan, pretty thankful and happy they beat the wings. as they got closer, piper could hear the lyrics coming out excitedly from the 5'5 girl, causing her to laugh. as soon as the chorus came up, piper joined in, screaming at the top of their lungs; doing the little 'one goal' dance from the previous era. "oh god." vlasic said walking with korchinski, bedard and reichel. the cousins took each others hand and spun around in a circle, "i fear angela may have had too much to drink tonight." nolan said laughing, as they tried to move the two along. "how rude!" angela defended, causing the group to laugh. "none of yall are allowed to come over. not even you nol baby." she said leaning on her cousin, "nol baby that's a good one!" colton said laughing, with nolan rolling his eyes.

the group made it up to the apartment, music on swiftly and drinks given out. piper took a seltzer and headed over towards her room for a brief moment, to put her hawks jersey back in the closet. she heard a knock at the door, and she knew it was colton. she turned towards alex instead, and she had a perplexed look on her face. "hey bud." she said shutting her closet door. alex sat on the bed, well sprawled out on it. "whats up? girl troubles?" she teased, laying down from the opposite side. he chuckled, "you could say that." he said coolly. she rolled onto her side, putting her head in her hand. "well as much as i would love to talk about girl drama, we've got to celebrate." she said slapping his chest softly. "i feel so loved." he huffed, standing up and began to walk out. she pushed him out and saw colton coming down the hall. she leaned on the threshold and smirked as he got closer, "what can i do for ya?" she mused, kicking the door open wider for him to walk in. she shut the door behind them, and she sat down on her bed and he followed, now sprawling out himself. she looked down at him, crossing one leg underneath her. she quirked an eyebrow, as he sat up. he did not break eye contact, as he leaned in. his mouth so close to hers, she felt his breath on hers. he leaned in a few inches more, and connected the two's lips. oh how she'd been waiting for this, she thought. she wrapped her arms around his neck as his found her lower back. slowly pushing her into her pillows, they broke the kiss after a few more seconds. he pulled back just a bit to read her face, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. she would not make eye contact. "been waiting to do that for some time." he said blushing nervously, and she met his eye. "been waiting for ya to do that for a bit too." she hummed, pulling him back in. the taste of your lips, is my idea of luxury.

he was the one she had been waiting for some time, a best friend and lover in one. somebody to be the king of her heart.

•

the season was winding down now, just as her school year was finishing as well. the two falling for each other more and more, over the course of a month and a half. trying not to think about how he would be going back to canada and she'd be staying here in chicago with her parents, and older brother. the two had kept what was theirs a secret, not wanting to bring the group in just yet. though angela had a sneaky suspicion, based on how happy piper was. her black cat personality was opening just a bit more. the two spent countless nights together, colton sneaking in and out of the apartment late and night and early in the morning before anybody could spot him missing. or she would go up to his. the bedroom becoming their sacred place to talk about life, their biggest hopes and dreams, what makes them tick, their family and so much more. but they did so much more, together. colton would pick her up after class and the two would get coffee or food, maybe hit a museum or the navy pier. sometimes a matinee. she was showing him, her chicago, and what made her fall in love with the city at a young age. she was bespoken with the city and all the opportunities it possessed. he saw a different side of her when the two were in public, he saw how much of a free spirit she was. things were quickly becoming more serious between the two, and that win over detroit night cemented it.

that night he saw a different side of her, one that he had been slowly peeling back for some time. she was quiet and shy by nature but had a rambunctious side to her. angela watched as the two did a rendition of 'wonderwall' at the apartment, and the look that colton had in his eyes; she knew that the two were smitten with one another. and she knew that piper was completely and wonderfully comfortable with him, something she had never had with a guy up until that point. she had fallen for the canadian, him fully captivating her heart.

•

angle and piper were having their morning cups of coffee on a saturday morning, piper reading a book and angela finishing up her morning tiktok. "has..has colton said anything to colton about what he plans to do now since the season is over?" piper asked shyly. angela thought for a second, thinking how she wanted to break the information she pried out of nolan a few nights back. "uhh not too sure, i know he plans to go home and stuff. he said he had some people to see." angela said trying to end the conversation, by standing up and getting some more coffee. "oh, okay." piper said putting her bookmark in the spine and shutting it. maybe i was just a little fling? or not even on at all? "I'm gonna head over to my parents." piper said standing up and walking back to her room. angela sighed, pinching the crease of her nose. nolan walked through the door, and walked over towards the kitchen. "hey love." he said kissing her and moving towards the fridge for a water bottle. "has dach said anything about piper? she's currently freaking out." angela whispered yelled and nolan connected the dots. "oh, no he hasn't. but he did mention his ex reaching back out to him. as we were clearing out our lockers." nolan said feeling bad, and angela nodded. "if you'd like to go tear him a new one, by all means you have my support babe." he said and they heard a bag drop. piper dropped her overnight bag, hearing the full conversation. "ill see yall later." she said grabbing her water bottle from before and heading towards the front door. nolan looked up, cursing dach.

colton hadn't responded to her text three days ago, and now she figured out why. she understood, and she was glad that they hadn't done anything that would have made it harder for her to get over him. she threw her bag into the trunk and slammed it, and headed towards the drivers side. she put on some music, and pulled out rather quickly. not realizing the car coming from her left to be colton's and Kevin's. the two saw her pissed-off demeanor as she drove by, not acknowledging them. "ohh you fucked up." kevin said as they parked. colton sighed getting out. piper drove 20 minutes through traffic toward her family's lincoln park townhouse and parked down the street. she unlocked the door, and threw her bag down at the door heading towards the kitchen. "oh hi hun, how are you?" her mom asked as she and her dad came into view. she looked at her mom and began to sob. "oh hun." her mom said wrapping her arms around her daughter, and rubbed her back; her and her husband's heart breaking.

•

her mom massaged her back a little while later, as the two were now in her bedroom talking. "i really liked him ma, i really did. he hasn't responded to my messages and now i find out he's talking to his girlfriend again whos probably the first person he's seeing when he gets back home." she cried. this was the first time she heard about colton, her daughter being famously closed off from the family. not for any particular reason, but she was just quiet. the brunch that was supposed to be the meeting between her parents and colton never happened. a few days with food poisoning prevented him, and therefore she never brought him up. "what if i was just a fling? or what if i wasn't even that?" she sobbed, as her older brother opened the door. she turned her to see who it was, and she put her face in her comforter embarrassed. "what has my baby sis so upset?" he asked sitting up against the bed next to her. she sniffled, "is it boy problems?" he questioned and she nodded after a few seconds. "i'm sorry pipes." he said rubbing her back. "can i stay here for a few days?" she asked and her mom nodded quickly. "ofcourse hun, perfect timing with your semester ending too. eric can retrieve some things from the apartment if you'd like." she said volunteering her son who nodded. "can you get anna the bunny?" she questioned looking at her brother. anna the bunny was a build a bear bunny, that was the very last gift her grandfather gave to her as a kid shortly before he died. she cherished that stuffed animal more than anything. "ofcourse, ill call angela to let me in." he said smiling before kissing her temple. "ill be back." he said shutting the door behind him.

he was the king of her heart, but maybe she wasn't the queen to his.

she had made up her mind, she was better off alone.

•

he drove over to the apartment, quickly pulled into the guest parking spot and headed up the elevator. "please act civilized you two, we have a guest." angela threatened towards nolan and colton who were arguing with one another, about piper. "eric hey, good to see you too." she said hugging her cousin. "ill show you where everything is." she announced, pulling him through the living room. "nol." eric said fist bumping nolan who nodded at him, "her stuff is in here." angela said opening her door. "whos that?" colton whispered to nolan who chuckled. "that's her older brother, asshole." nolan said walking over towards the two in the other room. "whatcha doing?" he asked leaning against the threshold watching as eric and angela packed a bag. "I'm grabbing some stuff for pipes. she staying at home for a bit." eric explained and nolan nodded. "why?" he asked, and eric sighed. "cuz of some asshat who played her." eric said a bit angrily. "oh." nolan responded, before walking back out. "you are dead." he said sitting down on the couch in front of colton. "does she need anything else?" angela asked as the two walked out, eric clutching the bear in his right hand tightly. "uh i don't think so. if not, ill swing back around." he said. "sorry i didn't introduce myself, I'm eric - piper's older brother." he said holding out a hand for colton to shake. "colton." he said nervously as eric put two and two together. "you little shit!" he said angrily, and colton took a step back. "you know you hurt her right?" he threw out and colton nodded. "you do, do you? then why haven't you said anything to maybe clear things up huh? or are you too busy using her to get back with your ex?" eric asked heatedly. "nobody knows about us. your sister and i. nobody knew-" angela cut him off, "we suspected." "i never told anybody, nor did she. and i don't want to get back with my ex, she reached out to me, but i never responded. and the reason i haven't responded to your sister is because i've been busy preparing to go back home. but i wasn't going to not talk to her about us, ok? i planned to today but then she drove off and i realized i blew my chance. once i got back today, i was going to come up here to talk. i swear to you!" colton defended himself. eric thought for a moment before looking at nolan and angela, "you have to believe me." colton pleaded and eric sighed. "do you know who gave piper this bunny?" eric asked, knowing that if he knew then he cared for the girl and vice versa. nobody knew who gave the bunny because it meant so much to her. colton smiled softly "your grandfather when she was 9 before he died. her most prized possession." he said and eric sighed. "clearly you mean a lot to her, because she doesn't tell anybody that." angela explained. "hell, nolan doesn't even know and we've been dating for three years already." angela added. "i promise you i wasn't leading her on or anything, i care very much for your sister. i had planned to make things official and ask her to come to canada this summer." colton said hoping it would get through to eric. eric nodded, "i hope youre right." he paused before looking at angela, "angela will give you our address. I'm sure my little sis would like to see you and clear all this up." eric said before walking out.

•

colton knocked on the front door of piper's family house, and bit the inside of his cheek, plagued with nerves. the door opened to reveal a brunette women, piper's mom. "you must be colton." she said and he nodded nervously, "come in." she smiled opening the door for him. he saw an older man on the couch, look over and do a double take. "you must be pipers dad, im-" he cut him off, "yeah i know who you are." he huffed before looking back at the news program. "she's upstairs,first door on the left." her mom said placing a hand on his upper back. "its fine, you can go." she said when he looked back at her husband. he nodded, taking the steps two at a time. piper was on the other side, watching the office, hoping that michael scott would help her laugh but it wasn't working. her mind twisting and turning with thoughts, that would not shut up. she perked up a bit when she heard a knock at her door and she got up when nobody walked in. she opened it rubbing her eye, and stopped as she took in who was at her door. "colton?" she questioned before he placed his hands on her lips, taking a step into the room. she shut the door behind him, wrapping her hands around his wrists. their lips fitting together like before, one's that were addicting. she pulled back, resting her forehead on his head. she stared at his chest, before looking up. "what was that for?" she questioned, "had to take my chance, incase it was the last time you'd allow me to." he said and she frowned at how nervous his voice was. "colton." she softly whined, pulling him in for a hug. "i did not mean to hurt you pipe, not for one second. i promise." he began and she nodded, "and i never responded to my ex. she was the one to reach out and i deleted it. because-because i am deeply and madly entranced and quite frankly, besotted with a 5'2 brunette midwest gal who could watch the office at all hours, who adores coffee runs, a good detroit beating and most importantly, the girl who has captured my heart." he confessed. she pulled back with tears in her eyes, "colton, i-i- " she paused breathing in and out deeply through her nose. "why did you not respond to my messages? why did you leave me hanging?" she asked, and he shook his head. "no important or monumental reason, i just hadn't responded which is a dumb response but its true. kevin and i have been busy with the apartment, and finishing the end of media for the season and just my parents have been on me about coming home. don't for one second, think i was gonna leave you hanging for the whole summer. i was actually coming to talk to you when you drove past me like a mad man." he chuckled and she giggled. "i was coming to ask you to become my girlfriend officially, and was seeing if you wanted to come to canada with me." he said searching her eyes. she smiled widely, "well its a good thing you've become the king of my heart dacher. you are quite literally the one I've been waiting for, for so long." she paused as he smiled. "one problem though." she started up again and he quirked an eyebrow. "i need a passport." she confessed, and that made him laugh. "give me about a month and a half, and you can book me a flight." she grinned and he chuckled. "oh so I'm buying you a ticket now?" he grinned, "wouldn't have it any other way." he smiled pulling her in for a kiss.

all at once, this was enough. he had his american queen, and her canadian king. king and queen of each others heart, all was well.

——

ahhhh!

told yall there was angst.... but i hope yall enjoyed !!! please like and reblog if you did (:

[autisticempathydaemon]

hello everynyan :3 /ref

4 the redacted match-ups ! not sure if you're still doing these or not bc i'll be damned i'd give up after the first 3 🙌🙌🙌 power 2 ya ! (if you ARE, in fact, not doing these anymore pls ignore this. this never happened. kay.)

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

this was the hardest question bc i LOVEEMUSIC so bad i can never really pick ONE fav bc it changes every 2 seconds but !!! gun to my head as of rn i'd say -- "but not kiss" - faye webster

'i want to see you in my dreams,

but then forget.

we're meant to be,

but not yet.

you're all that i have,

but can't get.'

i chose this song primarily because of the aesthetics & instrumental,, + the feels - i love how the piano carries and portrays every feeling (dread? maybe?) alongside the vocalist ugh sick to my stomach /pos

as for the verses i've chosen i just. really like the way she sings them HA i guess depending on my current mood i might relate to the lyrics for .5 seconds due to a past relationship of mine that had me fuckedd anyway.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

i WISH i could enjoy these as much as others but i have the attention spam of a fucking goldfish i need to be stimulated 24/7. i cannot stare at the same face and occasional photo/clip for over 10 mins.

i might watch more of em if they had like a satisfying slime video in the corner or smth. i find i only watch ones that have a topic/interest of mine that i am actively curious about/into????if that makes sense??

for instance, the only one that comes to mind rn is "in defense of chat noir" by toon ruins UGH ITS SO GOOD i used to be a huge fan of miraculous so that defffinitely takes part in why i rewatch it every few months.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

on my stomach. arms under pillows. one leg up. yo i bought these headphones made specifically for sleeping while listening to relaxing noises or smth & i kid you not i use them shits to listen to asmr/rp audios. sometimes it puts me to sleep other times i'm up all night tryna figure out what position the listener and 'character' are in. anyway!!!

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

first thing that comes 2 mindd for whatever reason is 'may' ?? possibly bc i really like my birth name already and 'may' is somewhat close to it already? also because i'd love writing it over and over in my handwriting . probably just an excuse to write the letter 'y' actually.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

fav character changes ALLL THE TIMEE for no reason my fav is all of them rlly i just wanna love and be loved BUT when i reaaaally think about it ?? hudson. even though he's like. an easter egg. i cant have anything. wanna "D D D D DDDJJJ ANXIETY" into his pants. what. who said that. just got hacked wtff

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

a know a LOTT of ppl love david but i am sorry i just cannot. angel better than me idk how they do it. srry. my momma raised a bitch. i've never ever gotten to finishing any of his videos so maybe im the problem but from the get-go THIS BITCH IS SCARY BRO he's so damn intimidating . the fact that his voice is rlly deep doesn't help either :C ..& don't even get me started on early david.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

this is such a good question rlly makin me think . hmm . OK I FEEL LIKE A BASIC BlTCH BC PPL HAVE BEEN SAYIN THIS ALREADY BUT . hux. we like this 🤞 . as for why?? i feel like i need and would . honestly really appreciate more,, warmth and positivity in my life - and i def get that sorta 'aura' from him. & i know damn well he'd give the best hugs. and we could go to the gym together. it'd be so fun. so precious.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

ok first of all #relationshipgoals that is so sweet awe :((

i wouldn't say i really 'ramble' per say -- i just talk. to myself. like a normal person. mhm. i struggle with sleep in general, so i'm usually up till like 5am. typically endlessly scrolling through my phone, or talking to the abyss about something personal that's been on my mind for a while. if it's really bad, i cry in my voice memos. if i just need to - refresh? get smth off my mind so i can sleep? i write songs.

...and then i record them on my $15 wireless headphones. onto that very same voice memos app.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

if im being honest,, depends on my mood . but god could i fuck up some strawberry milk and mini oreos right about now. . mind you i've had strawberry milk like once but it changed my life u dont understand

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

i mean i don't listen to it 24/7 but man i outdid myself w this one. it's called "insanity" and every single song matches the vibe of . just straight up 'otherworldly' ?? if u catching what im throwin?? all songs r pretty 'out-there' - in terms of the vibes - at least i like to think so. for reference it has songs like "goth - sidewalks and skeletons" and "eternal youth - růde" . IDK i guess it makes me happy when songs from a playlist actually match up with one other

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

i listen to this japanese-kawaii-metal-based group called BABYMETAL and i loveee them soso much. a few "metal enthusiasts" go out and call their work 'not real metal' , which is why i guess you can technically call their music a pleasure media -- as well as the fact that whenever i put on one of their songs mfs r like ... what is this - cause its three young japanese girls talking abt bubblegum with the the most insane guitar riff in the back. their newer stuff is incredible. womanhood at it's finest. give them a shot plspls /nf

ALL DONE !! ty 4 reading & have a lovely day/night, wherever you may be <3

Oh, this one is perfect and required, like, no thought. Vibes-wise? Given your energy? It’s just gotta be Guy.

Building on that, I love that you write songs and he writes screenplays(?). I think it’s so cute to pair writers together so that you might inspire one another and be each other's biggest fans. I also like Guy for you because he strikes me as one of those people who calls themselves “polyjamorous”, listening to basically anything and everything. He loves all your songs and all your playlists, vibing along to all of it even if there’s no words or words in another language. He doesn’t care: he’s with you, so he’s having a good time.

I would predict a fun, artistic life for the two of you like parallel-playing co-writing sessions with the two of you having individual headphones on, making funny faces at one another when you catch the other staring. You take turns showing each what you’ve created and hyping each other up, offering critique. When the writer's clock keeps y’all up till 3 AM, he’s got leftover pizza and any snacks you could possibly want. (He strikes me as the sort of guy who always has junk food caches.)

Song:

It was just two lovers/ Sittin' in the car, listening to Blonde/ Fallin' for each other/ Pink and orange skies, feelin' super childish/ No Donald Glover/ Missed call from my mother/ Like, "Where you at tonight?" Got no alibi/ I was all alone with the love of my life

Given your passion for music, I tried to pick a love song for y’all that was emotionally evocative to the mind and the ear. I chose this one because I thought the piano instrumental and how it evokes that mental imagery of sitting with someone during the golden hour might resonate with you. I also like it for y’all because this song got really popular on tiktok, and Guy would probably know it from there.

Runner-ups:

Obviously, we have to have Hudson as a runner-up. As a DJ, he’d be so loving and so supportive of your craft, hyping you up on air all the time and playing your work whenever he can. He’d also make you really bomb-ass playlists. A less obvious runner-up would be Anton, but I really like this one. You’d be more of an opposites attract sort of pair, but I think it’d be cute, and listening to music would remind Anton of you while he’s away~

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[lumi-cake]

Pills

⚠️TW: Mentions of depression and suicide attempt!!!!!!!!!!!!

⚠️ YOU ARE IMPORTANT SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED

⚠️ REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A FANMADE STORY

On a Friday evening, Pansy hosted a celebration in the Slytherin common room. All this week she has been sending out invitations. As the holidays drew near, you began to worry about returning home and felt quite overwhelmed by the amount of schoolwork and upcoming OWLs. Pansy and the other Slytherin boys were all busy and kept saying things like, "Can we talk later?" when you tried to talk to them and this is not the ideal moment y/n. You would always pretend to be happy and say that everything was OK and that you understood, but you could feel yourself eroding inside.

You made the decision to attempt to finish your essay for potions class before the party got underway. As your nervousness increased, the words started to run together. You threw down your book and ran to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. As you exit your room and enter the common room where Pansy was getting ready for the party, you uttered the word "Pansy" with apprehension "I am a little busy y/n can I come find you after the party starts?" she inquires. Naturally, you don't want to bother anyone, so you simulate a smile and nod. As guests begin to arrive for the party, the common room gets packed and the music and alcohol flow accordingly. As you observe everyone chatting and having fun, you start to wonder what it would be like to not constantly feel as though you are drowning. You notice that the Slytherin boys have also returned, and you see Pansy giggling with her classmates.

As you get up from where you are sitting and sprint back upstairs to the bathroom to splash more cold water on your face, you can feel the anxiety rising again in your chest. You stumble over some pills while reaching for a towel on the shelf. "Oh Merlin," you murmur as you pick them up to put them back, but you hesitate. You stop and think about it while you hold the pills in your hand. You hear the music and noise from the conversation downstairs as you sit down on the bathroom floor. How you would give anything for a few minutes away from your own thoughts. You unscrew the pill caps and transfer the contents into your palm.

As Pansy approaches the Slytherin boys, she searches the area for you and asks, "Have you guys seen y/n? I assured her that I would see her once the party got underway. She must be here somewhere because she wouldn't miss this. states Mattheo. "Yes, she ought to be nearby," says Draco. "maybe check her room?" Theo remarks. Before Pansy could find you, you came down the stairs with an unsteady body. Mattheo asked you curiously, "Have you been drinking?" You shake your head "No, Matt, I took a whole bunch of pills." "Pills?" Mattheo asks concerned. The entire group turned to face you. "What kind of pills y/n?" Draco questions. "Oh you know," you say, exhaling, "pills," as you finish. "Y/n" Draco yells, starting to get worried as they all get to their feet. "What do we do?" Asks Pansy as she starts to panic. 

"We need to take her to the medical wing now!" states Theo. Your steps falter and Theo catches you. Despite the complete darkness, their conversation could still be heard; the way it echoed gave the impression that they were in a vacant room even if you knew they weren't. "Enough enough, just give her to me, I'll carry her," Mattheo remarks, sounding as though they were all talking over each other. With you in his arms, Mattheweo bolts from the common area, your friends trailing closely behind. Mattheo whispers to you, not sure if you can hear him, "Come on, stay with me, y/n". Matthew whispers to you, "Please come back to me. Come back to us."

(Part 2? Not sure this will get any reads or not but I would love some ideas of what you want to happen to y/n in part 2!)

[spider-man-199999]

Web love || Spider-Man 4

Summary: Spider-Man saved you that one time when you needed him and now he comes and checks up on you every single day. 

Author's note: I'm honestly so demotivated to write this part since the whole series flopped and idk why

previously on web love: part 1 part2  part 3 

this pic is a representation of how Peter feels about his mixed feeling in this fic 

      "...Life often times opens doors we never really expected to ever be open. And often times these new opportunities lead us to experiencing things we never have dreamed of. And these experiences shape us into the person we become. But sometimes the person we see in the mirror is not the person we want to be. Taking particular roles in life bring us misery, especially when we are not mentally prepared to meet other's expectations for this "social role". And now that we have grown up, we have gone this far, who do we owe it to? When you look back on your life you realize that it's not the groundbreaking turning point that has made us who we are but it was the little everyday things like meeting someone new, doing things you have never done before and generally having the courage to put yourself out there in the world are actually the things that really change us. Those are the things that speak for us the loudest in society and those are the things to which I owe who I am now." Peter's voice rang in the classroom as he read his English essay, his palms sweaty and his cheeks rosy. After he finished his speech the teacher thanked him and told him to sit down and as he walked down to this seat he flipped Ned off, who was filming him with his phone the whole time. 

"What are you doing, nuthead?" Peter whispered to him 

"I'm going to send this to Y/N, she helped you write that and wanted me to tell her how it went. But we live in the 21st century so I thought it would be better to show her instead''

"Sure, fine, even though I probably look like a dumbass-" he started saying as the teacher shushed them. Peter shook his head, getting a text from you. 

Killsforpills: So, I heard the reading went well.

Spywalker: Not bad, not bad 

Killsforpills: PUBG after school?

Spywalker: I have work

Killsforpills: Ok, I'll be playing if you decide to join at some point

After the last time Spider-man had come to visit he had vanished once again. You would spend most of your free time just playing videogames and doing school work. Keeping your thoughts occupied was the best way for your to not go insane after everything. Deadpool stopped showing up as well, which left you thinking that maybe this insanity was finally over for good. Maybe it was time to turn the page and try to find a boyfriend or something. Everyone around seemed occupied with someone else, Peter and MJ, Ned and some girl from their school. You felt left out, crying yourself to sleep more times than you would wish for. 

                                                             **

Spidey, of course, was not happy about the fact either. He would always check up on you when he could, come see you as much as possible. The issue was that he felt like he had made a really big mess when he visited the last time. He was feeling like a hot mess as well, all these things happening to him. The pressure of being Spider-man, the guilt of lying to MJ about his feelings, the pain from seeing you hurt. It was all piling up, making him slowly lose his mind in all the stress. He would get injure more often than before, do worse on his test. He even seemed to space out often enough to make Ned and MJ worried about him. He would brush it off and tell them not to pay him attention ‘’it’s just superhero things’’ he would say and put on a fake smile for them. It got to the point where Ned had to call and make you try and get something out of him 

“You have to call him and make him play a game together! Please, he refuses to talk to us! We need you to find something out....’‘ Ned whined through the phone, convincing you to help him.

“I don’t mean to be rude but why don’t you ask MJ? She’s his girlfriend, surely she’ll get more out of him than me.”

“We tried everything, you’re our last hope! Maybe he needs someone he doesn’t see every single day to open up to! Just try, ok?’‘ 

‘‘Ok, fine, I’ll try’‘ You agreed with a sigh escaping your lips. 

The ringing sound was filling your ear as you had already dialed Peter, trying to reach him. After a few rings you gave up on the call, throwing your phone on the bed behind you and messaging Ned. 

Killsforpills: He’s not picking up

Iamfriendswithsidey: Call him again. PLEASE

Killsforpills: Surely he would have picked up if he wanted to talk, maybe he’s busy.

You heard the vibrations from behind you, turning to see Peter calling you. Rushing to pick up you stumbled in the bed, groaning as you hit your leg and rolled on the bed, picking up.

‘‘Hey, you called’‘ You barely heard the boy’s voice from what seemed like wind 

‘‘Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to play some Minecraft, ouch’‘

“What’s wrong?’‘

‘‘Fuck, um nothing, I hit my leg in the bed and it’s bleeding’‘ 

‘‘I’ll be over in a bit’‘ 

‘‘Wait, I....’‘ he had already hung up. 

You felt kind of bad, maybe he thought it was a serious injury and that’s why he was rushing over but in reality it was just a scratch and he was going to go out of his way for nothing. After what seemed an eternity you heard the doorbell, walking over to open the door. Peter walked in with a worried expression on his face, scanning you to see where the injury was.

‘‘What happened? Are you alright?” He asked as he threw his bag on the couch and grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the bathroom.

‘‘Peter, it’s literally just a scratch, you shouldn’t have walked all the way here! I can take care of that’‘ 

He didn’t even bother to listen to you, sitting you down on the edge of the tub and looking through the cabinet for rubbing alcohol and bandages. 

‘‘It’s going to sting’‘ He said in a serious tone, cleaning the wound. 

‘‘You don’t need to do this for just a scratch’‘

He looked up, his gaze piercing right through your body, making you shiver. 

‘‘You’ve done it too many times for me’‘

‘‘I haven’t?”

‘‘I mean you would have done it for me too’‘ he said suddenly embarrassed, placing a plaster on the scratch and getting up. 

‘‘Hey, what’s with your hands?’‘ His hands were all covered in plaster and bandage

‘‘It’s nothing, work stuff’‘ 

‘‘Peter, I’m serious, what’s going on? Ned and MJ are very worried about you, you cut me off every time I try to spend time with you, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me. You’ve been acting kind of odd lately.’‘ 

He looked up, one eye squinting lightly because of the light above you. He put on a fake smile, packing the things he used back. 

‘‘I really do think it would be best for you if you didn’t know’‘ he said softly and got up, walking out of the bathroom and sitting on the kitchen counter (like Spider-man used to do every time he would hag out), grabbing a glass and pouring himself a glass of orange juice. Everything felt oddly familiar when you saw he scene. The way his legs hung, the way he threw his head back as he drank, his jawline. Even the way he wiped his mouth with his sleeve sparked some weird sensation in your chest. You tried to brush it off, trying not to think about it and sat down on the couch, turning the tv on. You two spent the evening playing Minecraft together but by the time Peter had to go it felt like you made little to no progress with him. I guess talking about feelings was not his thing. 

                                                              ***

After Peter left your apartment that night, you couldn’t sleep well. After hours of spinning and tossing around in your bed, all the memories of Spider-Man kept rushing through your head, his voice, the way he talked, the way he moved, everything was adding up in your head, it felt like you were about to explode. You never really spent much time with Peter, especially alone, so you never really had a close observation on his behaviour. Yet, somehow, everything clicked. The clock was striking 2 am when you decided maybe it was finally time to confront the situation. Your feelings were getting caught up in the mix as well, making it even worse. It really did feel like your head was spinning, you couldn’t breathe well, your heart was beating so fast it was going to explode just like your head. A panic attack? You’d didn’t know what to do. The only person you knew you need to talk to was Peter. So, almost on impulse, you picked up your phone and dialled his number. You heard the dial in your ear, it was so loud you had to pull the phone slightly away form your face. Just as you did that, the dial stopped and you heard a faint voice from the small device.

“Hello?”

Your breathing got heavier, your heart started beating faster and the room really started spinning.

“Hello? Y/N, are you alright?” The words echoed in the room, a bit more clear this time, you felt tears rolling down your cheeks.

“N-no” you managed to whisper through heavy breaths

“Where are you?” Peter asked, starting to panic himself, which made you more worried.

“Home” you said softly, breaking down in a cry at this point

“Okay, listen to me. I want you to breathe slowly, follow my lead” he told you, voice still panicked as he started taking deep breaths, listening closely to you as you started copying him. “I’m on my way to you, okay? Just keep breathing”

“I’m so sorry” you muffled out, through soft cries, handing up form the panic and breaking down. You didn’t expect to have a panic attack when you called him, or for it to get worse when you did. You didn’t expect him to actually come around, but he did, at 2:30 am, he was knocking on your door.

You had managed to calm down a bit at that point, opening the door a bit hesitantly. His heart shattered when he saw you like that, immediately hugging you and closing the door behind him.

“What’s wrong? What happened? How can I help?” He asked as he held you close, his scent filled your nostrils and eased your nerves a little bit. You could hear his heartbeat. Why was it so fast? Was was this so scary?

“I want you to be honest with me.” You said against his chest, pulling away shortly after so you could look at his face. “Are you… God this sounds so crazy, I promise I’m not crazy! Are you Spider-Man?”

The words spilled out and it suddenly became silent. Peter let go of you, hands going through his hair as he nervously paced around. He didn’t really manage to put a much of an outfit, he was in sweatpants and a loose white T-shirt that moved up with the motion of his hands and exposed his lower stomach. He seemed like he was having a crisis, walking around, squatting down. He looked very nervous and overwhelmed. Was he the one having a panic attack now? The boy stared at the floor, his hair was all messed up, remaining squat down as he exhaled heavily.

“How… did you find out?” He asked coldly, not looking at you.

                                                              ***

Iamfriendswithspidey: Did you talk to Peter?

The messaged popped up on your screen as you were in the middle of a fight with Peter. You both looked at the phone that was on the couch, the screen showing 3:45 am. Shit, you had been arguing for more than an hour now. The nervous pacing continued for a while from both of you, but the tiredness and the emotional drain was so bad it made you sit down, him on the counter and you on the backrest of the couch, looking at him.

"What did you tell him?" Peter asked, feeling defeated already

"Nothing at all, he asked me to check up on you because you were acting weird and distant. Never got to the point of figuting out what was wrong with you." You replied, voice filled with anger and sadness. The text message was followed by a call, with both of you staing at the screen as it rang, so you could gather your thoughts.

"So..." You broke the silence after Ned gave up "We're set on how you became Spider-man... Care to explain everything else?" You crossed your hands in front of your chest.

"I-" he started, looking down at his lap almost like he was building up the courage. "Well... you see... I don't even know how to explain something I don't understand myself"

"You can try, becuase I'm dying to know why you would do something like this"

"What did I do exactly?"

"Peter...What didn't you do?" You said in frustration, getting up and pacing around again "You would come here, spend time with me for a month straight, every fucking day. You would make me laugh and comfort me and get to know me and all of that bullshit and then leave like it meant nothing! Did it really mean nothing to you?''

"Of course it meant something!'' he jumped off the counter catching up to you to grab your arm "I wouldn't have done any of this if you meant less. I overstepped all of my boundries to be here with you.''

You looked at him, tears starting to stream down your face.

"So you could abandon me? Like you didn't care? Like I was nothing? I spent weeks crying, trying to figure out what I did wrong to push you away" You pulled away from his grip, breaking down in front of him. You could see his emotions getting the better of him as well, his breathing rapid and sharp, his fist clenching.

"You thought it was easy for me too?" He asked, anger bubbling up in his chest. "To have so many people dependent on you? To be constantly scared that the people you care most about could end up hurt because of you?"

"So you thought disappearing on them would make it all better?"

"No, not at all" He let out a sigh, looking down at his lap again. "It just got so complicated, the more I came over, the closer we got and then I just-" He looked back up, looking at your teary eyes "I couldn't help it, I really couldn't, we clicked so well and it was so easy with you and I... I just fell for you, so hard, I was terrified, I couldn't tell you as Spider-Man, I couldn't tell you I was Spider-Man... I had to find some other solution"

"You know what the worst part about this is" you said between sobs "It's that I feel in love with you too''.

He pulled you in after that, hugging you tightly. You tried pushing him but he was much stronger. You cried into his chest, gripping his shirt. He didn't say anything, hot tears streaming down his cheeks as he rested his chin on top of your head.

"Stop" you begged him "Please stop doing this, now that I know it's you, it hurts even worse"

"Why?" He asked, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible

"Because you're dating someone else" you said, helplessly hitting his chest with your fist, trying to make him let go. "Please let me go, I can't do this"

"I'm not letting you go" He shook his head, kissing your forehead "I'm never letting you go, I'm sorry for everything, if I were more of a man, none of this would have happened''

You continued helplessly hitting him, crying in his arms. He hugged you tighter, crying into your hair.

"I would understand if you never want to see me again" he whispered.

"I don't hate you, Peter'' you whispered back. "I just need some time to process all of this"

[rainydaydally]

Here in this labyrinth (I’m trapped) Chapter 3

Warnings:

Transphobia T-slur Dysphoria Being outed (obviously) Crying Mentions of homophobia Cussing

“Here. Walking to the front office to sign you out now.” His mom texts him. He lets out a sigh of relief as he reads the text. “Ok. Grabbing my things now.” He texts back. Kyle grabs his items, and gets another text from his mom. “Liane Cartman is here too. Principal Victoria needs to talk with us about something.” “Oh sh*t,” Kyle thinks. “If the principal wants to talk to her, then that means-” and coincidentally his thoughts were interrupted by someone on the loudspeaker saying “Kyle Broflovski to the principal’s office. I repeat, Kyle Broflovski to the Principal’s office.” Kyle sighs, exiting the classroom after hearing a collection of “Ooos” from his classmates.

Kyle opens the door to the principal’s office, with Cartman in one chair and his mom standing behind him, and Kyle’s mom standing behind a chair next to Cartman’s. “Oh god.” Kyle eyerolls when he sees Cartman. “Not this f*cking tr*nny again.” Cartman mumbles, though everyone could hear. “Eric!” Liane scolds.

“Okay, Kyle come in and sit down.” Principal Victoria says. Kyle shuts the door behind him and sits in the empty seat. “So Sheila, Liane, you are probably wondering why you are here. Eric has outed Kyle as a transgender male to the whole school, by taking pictures of his personal diary and putting them everywhere.” Principal Victoria explains, which results in a gasp from Kyle’s mom before she says “That’s terrible!” Liane also reacts, “Oh you poor boy.” She says to Kyle, before saying to Cartman, “Eric, you are in big trouble. You are now grounded for 6 months.” “Principal Victoria! There’s no proof I did that!” Cartman whines. “We have video cameras, you know. We watched the videos from last night of you sneaking in here.” “Jeez, how much of an idiot can you be, not even thinking to have a disguise or something?” Kyle sneers. “I did have one, though! How could you tell it was me?!” Cartman questions angrily. “Probably because you’re the fattest kid in town. No matter what disguise you wear people will know it’s Cartman.” Kyle says, “Kyle…” Principal Victoria sighs. “Eric, you just had a black t-shirt on, we could still see your face.” “No ski masks fit me!” Cartman whines, earning a laugh from Kyle.

“Anyways, I think that Eric deserves suspension for the rest of the week.” She says. “That’s like a vacation! He should be getting in trouble, not rewarded!” Kyle huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay, how about Eric stays late at school every day the rest of the month,” Cartman shrugs, but Principal Victoria wasn’t finished, “and while he’s here he has to write an essay on whatever topic Mr. Garrison chooses.” Cartman whines, “Mr. Garrison hates me!” A smug look appears on Kyle’s face, “I don’t care what it is, as long as he is upset about it.” He thinks, but he might as well have said it out loud. “Well, Kyle, you can go home now, this must be a very hard day for you.” Principal Victoria says to Kyle, who nods and feels his eyes start to burn. “Thanks for talking with me Sheila and Liane. Cartman, you can go back to class, and you won’t be leaving until 6 PM tonight.” Cartman grunts in response and leaves, and Kyle, Shiela, and Liane follow. Cartman heads the other way down the hall back to class, and the rest walk to the front doors.

“Goodbye, Sheila. See you soon, Kyle!” Liane says, and Kyle just gives her a shy wave as she gets inside her car, and him and his mom get into theirs. Before Kyle knows it, his mother’s arms are around him, tight. “Oh, Bubbie. You are my perfect boy, you know that? Do not listen to what Eric or any other horrible kid says to you.” Kyle feels warmth in his heart as he lets go of the embrace, and pulls his phone out of his pocket, which has been bugging him a while. “Stan; 5 texts. Kenny; 2 texts.” He unlocks his phone and checks Kenny’s first. “Hey dude, I’m so sorry for all this.” “We should have told you Cartman read it, but we were too stupid.” Kyle’s lips quirk up at the last remark, coming up with a good reply. “Yeah, I can tell./HJ” “Wow, so you’re half serious…?” Kenny says. Kyle just says “LMAO” and then checks Stan’s texts.

“I am so sorry Cartman did that you really didn’t deserve to be outed like that, and Kenny and I should have told you and we might’ve been able to stop him, I’m sorry.” “Also I’m always here if you need to talk…” “And I don’t like, see you any differently. Like, you’re still Kyle to me.” “Hey, you’re not at second period, where are you? I can’t find you, I heard you went to the principal’s but ???” “Also, if it’s okay with you I would like to come over.” Kyle responds with, “My mom picked me up early. That’s why I’m not at class. Also, you coming over after school is fine with me (and my mom) if it’s okay with yours.” Stan “likes” the message, and Kyle goes back to talking with his mom about nothing in particular.

“-And then she agreed.” Sheila says as her and Kyle enter the house. “That’s great.” Kyle says, taking his shoes off before walking to the stairs. “I’m gonna go upstairs and shower before Stan comes over.” Kyle says with tired eyes, and walks into his room. He grabs the clothes he wants to change into afterwards and a towel, and heads to the bathroom.

20 minutes later he exits the bathroom, and blow dries his hair. He brushes his hair, puts in hair product and then goes to sit on his bed. He decided not to put his binder back on and to take a break until Stan arrives. He gets under his blankets and puts his comfort playlist on shuffle, and before he knows it, tears are falling from his eyes again. He sniffles, rubbing his wet eyes with the back of his hand. Kyle can feel himself slowly drifting to sleep, so he wakes himself up and texts Stan “Be here at 4:45.” Stan replies with “Ok.” Kyle sets an alarm for 3:30, so he will have 3 hours to nap, and enough time to get woken up and ready before Stan arrives. He turns off his phone, and shuts his red and puffy eyes and slowly drifts to sleep, exhausted from the day he has had.

Kyle’s body jerks awake to the sound of his horrid alarm. He groans, pressing the “Stop” button on his phone, and continuing to lie in his bed. He stays there for a few minutes, opening snaps from people, most with questions like; “are you okay?”, but the occasional few similar to; “lol I can’t believe you’re a girl.” He leaves them all on opened.

He crawls out of his nest of blankets and walks over to his dresser and puts on his binder and a sweatshirt, feeling a bit colder than before. His hair is a bit messy from sleeping on it so he brushes it, it going in all different directions. He goes downstairs and watches TV for a while with some snacks and soda, before the doorbell eventually rings. He hops up from the couch and opens the door, the black haired boy standing there. “Hey, Stan.” Kyle says, but Stan just responds by pulling him into a tight hug. Kyle wraps his arms around Stan too, before they both let go, and Kyle lets Stan inside.

“Let’s go up to my room.” Kyle says, leading Stan up the creaky stairs and up to his bedroom. Stan and Kyle sit down across from eachother on his bed, silence consuming them before Stan finally speaks up. “I’m… still sorry that me and Kenny didn’t tell you. I really didn’t know.” Stan says, looking into Kyle’s eyes as he tucks Kyle’s messy hair behind his ear. “It’s alright Stan. We probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything, anyways.” Kyle shrugs. “I guess you’re right. I hope no one has been a complete *ss to you since you’ve been outed.” Stan says honestly, shifting his sitting position to get more comfortable. “I guess it hasn’t been too bad. I still feel like everyone is watching me, though. It feels like everyone is noticing and singling out my feminine features.” Kyle admits, looking at his hands in his lap. “No, dude. You are perfect.” Stan says softly, quickly realizing what he said could’ve been taken the wrong way. “Uhh… anyways. I want to talk to you about the other things written in your diary.” Kyle sees where Stan is going with this. “The things about me. How you feel depressed when Wendy and I are dating, how you think I’m the ‘prettiest boy ever,’ and… that you love me.” Kyle feels his heart drop. He was so worried about being outed as trans that he forgot about being outed as gay. He had completely forgotten what he had written about how much he loves Stan. “This situation couldn’t get any worse… My life is totally f*cked. Stan is going to hate me- *everyone* is going to hate me.” Kyle thinks to himself, but before Kyle could have that train of thought get worse, Stan grabbed his hands and said something that changed everything.

“I love you, too.”

Fanfic on Ao3

Fanfic on Wattpad

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

[haybuhay]

i am asking you about dermabrasion by pennydaniels 👀

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION!!! IM NOW GOING TO GO CRAZY !

DERMABRASION BY PENNYDANIELS is a canon divergent BNHA fic focusing mainly on Todoroki Shouto and Dabi’s relationship if Shouto had figured out his identity and tracked him down at the start of the UA school year. It is over 400k words, 41 chapters, and is one of my favorite BNHA fics (or just plain fics) ever. I cannot recommend it enough.

I will try SO HARD not to spoil anything in this rant/essay in case you haven’t read it… But minor spoiler warning anyway in case I mess up.

Some of the stuff I’m going to talk about is waay down the line (like 40 chapters out of 41 chapters type of down the line) but the fact that you know it’ll happen won’t take away from the joy of reading it because the execution is just that good. Probably. The build-up to these moments is just as good as them happening, if not better, I SWEAR.

OK. RANT BEGIN.

For reference, this fic began December 2020 and finished January 2023!! We got the Dabi is a Todoroki reveal November 2020 and then more about his backstory February 2021.

So this means that Dabi’s characterization and backstory here aren’t 100% canon compliant. Despite the fact that it’s in AU territory, the fic handles Dabi’s character and motivations really well?? Arguably, its because it’s not canon compliant that the fic is able to give us such a good insight into his character... Wow… When authors can expand on existing narratives while staying true to the essence of the characters… 😍…

Dabi’s motives, which I think are actually super close to canon (!!!), and how they inform his choices within the timeline of the fic and in his backstory make me so crazy. I am going to be cryptic and just say that the glimpses we get of young tweenage Touya in this fic is everything to me. His whole relationship with Endeavor at literally at any point in the story is especially well done…

A large part of this fic’s appeal to me is how it handles Endeavor. I am a huge fan of the Todorokis’ whole plot and since Enji is the dead centre of that fucked up family storm, I think getting him right is probably one of the most pivotal points in writing fics that puts emphasis around literally any Todoroki. Not even just how Enji himself is, but also the way other characters think about and act around him should be given thought and written with care... Dermabrasion does him, his affect on his kids and his wife and his development so much justice.

The fic begins with Season 1 Shouto’s Endeavor hatred. His vehemence for the guy is so obvious even in just the first few paragraphs where he dubs him ‘that fucker.’ He does this consistently throughout the fic LOL

Tbh. This put me off the fic a little, since I’m not interested in reading Endeavor-bashing fics (no matter how deserved they are HAHA) but I just got over myself and realised no, yeah. This is in character, it is completely understandable and a little hilarious...

What I like here is that his feelings towards Endeavor (negative or otherwise) aren’t a static thing — it progresses not just as Endeavor changes, but as he grows closer in understanding Dabi and the rest of his family and as he, himself, grows up. It’s so rewarding to see it unfold throughout the storyline little by little. I want to say that it happens in the background but honestly Endeavor haunts this entire fic. It’s not that he’s always there. Honestly, he doesn’t show up that much, but it’s only by virtue of his actions that this storyline exists at all so it’s like every action taken is an echo of his. Something about how even when he’s not there, everything is always about him and what he’s done. It’s great, and I mean that genuinely. I love this so bad.

Shouto’s character here is perfect for this sort of fic, I think. He’s stunted and it’s openly acknowledged by other characters how… weird?? he can come across. I think it just makes his arc all that more apparent... He becomes somewhat of a moral paragon and I’n not even upset about it. His development as a character is thoroughly explored and so hard-earned that his transformation from a dead-faced, dead-eyed kid to who he is at the end of the fic is just. rewarding.

AND ITS NOT JUST HIM… Almost every main-focus character goes through some sort of gratifying journey and are made to reckon with parts of themselves that in Dabi’s case, would mean redefining his entire identity. You can tell that all the characters in this fic want to be better, not just for themselves, but for the people around them. It’s one of my favourite things about this fic, how personal improvement is such a huge part in it. This is definitely the Mob Psycho 100 lover in me speaking.

(Side tangent: MP100 being a story about an overpowered, stoic, repressed kid who, with the company of a dubiously moral older brother figure, learns how to become a better version of himself and by doing that, he inspires those around him, including that dubiously moral older brother figure. This is Dermabrasion in a different world. If you love MP100, I will eat my entire shoe if you don’t enjoy Dermabrasion too.)

While the focus is definitely mainly on Shouto and Dabi, the entire family has their part in it. Natsuo, Fuyumi, Rei and Enji all get their moments to shine and show their growth and unique personalities. A fun thing about this is how similar Shouto and Enji are… I think it really drives home that they’re family.

I don’t think this is a huge spoiler, since it’s kinda implied in the premise, but when Natsuo reunites with Dabi the interaction is so. Real. And the fact that it takes time and effort for their relationship to be built back is so poignant and crazy and SICK. Everything in this fic is earned through a lot of tears and pain and misery. It’s a cathartic read.

Okay, now that I made it sound like the entire fic is just one huge therapy session, let me mention humour once then immediately go back to doing that HAHAHA I think this fic is funny as hell. Humour is subjective, yesyesyes, but it grew on me and it WILL grow on you. The back and forths between characters, Shouto’s natural temperament making him predisposed to being absolutely Comical, the inherent comedy of being in a Hero Society... As someone with siblings the way the Todoroki siblings interact here, fights and messy reuniting shit notwithstanding, has so much of the annoyed love and care that you get from the people you grew up with. I particularly like Fuyumi and Natsuo’s dynamic together.

They’re outcasts in different ways than Dabi and Shouto are outcasts. The guilt and remorse they feel not just from not being able to step in for Shouto, but for leading their own lives is GAHHH. The entire thing about being in a different world to their brothers and dad is … Augh. Heroes and Villains.

Rei. Rei… I am GUTTED by every scene she is in. I reread ‘when your love has always been enough (for me)’ by classicequinox to cope. That is a different post to make one day when I have the energy.

Idk if I said all I wanted to say. There’s definitely more to this fic. DabiHawks, for one. I think they’re great here. Somehow they AREN’T horrifically toxic, WOO!! The details of this I will leave for you to read… Another thing I like about this fic is how 1A reacts to Todoroki family lol. LOV also has its part in this fic, I think it is sweet what happens to them but ofc since they aren’t really the main focus, it’s more a fun bonus to see what happens to them.

Ok I need to wrap this up. One day I’ll write a proper spoiler-full essay about this with a thesis statement and everything but yk. Life.

To conclude I’ll just talk about the ending of this fic. It’s my favourite, absolute favourite thing about it. The author themself quoted a comment they received in the last chapter that I am going to quote here too: “Even at the end there's the clear sense that the character's lives will continue and that this is only the beginning for them.” That is literally the best way to sum up this fic. These character’s will continue growing and bettering and it gives me so much real, genuine hope in myself that I can change, too. So yeah. Read this fic and if it changes your life let me know.

[dietraumerei]

2023 Book Reviews

Ok, let's see if Tumblr lets me post this (I think it shouldn't be too long?) -- it's all my book reviews from 2023! Entirely unedited and just copy-pasted in, but on the off chance anyone else is interested in it, here it is.

I finished Tolkien and the Great War which was like…¾ very good. The last quarter was a fairly inexplicable and incredibly boring discursion on the early versions of what would, essentially, become the Silmarillion. Although a lot of his early works and early conceptions of what the Middle Earth mythology would be do tie into his life and experiences as a very young man in a hellish situation, this was just like…a recitation. And it was followed by a brilliant analysis of why Tolkien turned to an older medieval storytelling form instead of the modernists that we think of when it comes to the usual WWI writing! It was so good! The good parts of this books are so good! I simply cannot bring myself to care about the phoneme shifts his languages undergo.

It did remind me that I want to return to Paul Fussell’s writing in 2024, so there is that?

Also Tolkien’s bitchy disapproval of the aesthetes is never not hilarious to me.

I finished Hogfather, about which I refuse to give any kind of review other than to say I’ve been reading it nearly every December for going on 23 years now, and it’s a perfect book and I love it.

I finished Congratulations, the Best is Over! and I feel some kinda way about it. I love R. Eric Thomas, but the longer-form essays are sometimes good and sometimes not so good? I didn’t dislike it at all, but I’m also looking forward to what he writes next, as I think every collection gets a little bit better.

I finished The Custom of the Country and oh my god I LOVED IT. The Age of Innocence is still my favorite Wharton because Ellen Olenska, but this was the book that made me scream the most. It’s funny in the way that reality TV is funny, in that you laugh because you are horrified. Undine Spragg is the most magnfiicent monster in literature. She’s horrible. I adore her. What a fabulous work of art/car crash this book is.

I finished the latest Perveen Mistry Mystery, The Mistress of Bhatia House and it was wonderful but oh my god it is STRESSFUL and kind of a hard read at times because everyone is just being a huge dick to each other. (Also there’s a pretty major plot point left totally un-tied-up at the end which is wild, but I guess it’ll get sorted next book?)

I finished Lolly Willowes which tbh I didn’t love as much as I hoped I would, but is a very excellent book with some mind-blowingly relatable bits and I enjoyed it immensely. I love Sylvia Townsend Warner but just need to go in without expectations and enjoy the rather lengthy ride. (For such a short book, it takes awhile for anything to happen.)

I read Dolls of Our Lives and the more I think about it the more I disliked it. I’m tired and lazy so here’s the review I sent a friend:

I finished Dolls of our Lives last night. I found it…okay. The editing is often bad which was depressing. It mostly felt really tonally inconsistent – they’re both historians and know their stuff, but keep putting in schticky little pop culture jokes that are a) not that funny? and b) just appear out of nowhere. If you’re going to look at AG through a pop culture lens, do it properly, don’t just randomly name-drop pop culture stuff. It occasionally dips below surface-level analysis, but it’s not super memorable and I don’t see it aging really well. (I’d LOVE someone to write an accessible book that actually does look at AG dolls both within their own cultural contexts and the context of when they were released, to say nothing of the interplay of doll + book, and maybe with an added chapter on how girls and dolls play, and what it meant to release a doll that wasn’t aspirational in some way, whether it be an adult like Barbie or a baby doll. Okay, maybe I want three books. But it feels like there’s a lot of richness to dig into, and I’ve yet to see anyone scrape more than the surface.) Anyway, 6/10, it was okay but the authors do themselves a disservice. There’s a small section at the end where they talk about themselves and how the podcast has changed them and how it came about and it’s the best bit of the book because it’s actually vulnerable and interesting, with some theory thrown in, and it’s barely shticky at all.

I will now add that I think it’ll age like milk, and I’m super disappointed.

In happier news, I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd which is simply a masterpiece, and reading it was a deep and abiding pleasure. I know the twist and it still worked wonderfully on me – if you don’t know how it ends, I REALLY urge you not to spoil yourself and also to read it, for it’s wonderful and you will scream at the reveal.

I finished When the Angels Left the Old Country after @lesbrarian recommended it and it might be my favorite book I’ve read this year? Top five, certainly – it’s tense and beautiful and funny and full of love and very Jewish, and it just filled me with joy to read, even the sad parts. The comparisons to Good Omens are unavoidable, but really I find it a very different story in a lot of ways, although certainly with connections. I adored it, and it’s one of those books I can’t wait to re-read. Also every time I think about the angel too much I want to cry, but in a good way.

I also – finally, after many breaks – finished The Path the Power, the first volume of Caro’s LBJ biography. Oh my god, this book. THIS BOOK. The next time I do this I’m going to update every week on what I learned that week because there is just so much in this tome. I want to visit the Pedernales, but not in summer. The description of grass-growing was riveting. The descriptions of the lives of the farmwives before electrification was riveting (and horrific). The play-by-play for elections in the forties literally kept me up past my bedtime. And I have not even touched on Pappy O'Daniel (a real person!! who was apparently toned down CONSIDERABLY for O Brother Where Art Thou) or Lady Bird or how Caro more than once makes sure to mention that Johnson had a dumptruck ass.

Anyway, Lyndon was a vote-buying absolute fucking weirdo from birth and his mother was just as weird and his father was fascinating and I’m a little in love with Sam Rayburn. Do not let either the Old White Man History or the fact that this book is a fucking doorstop stop you, this is a masterpiece and I see why it won a Pulitzer. (whoops, looks like it was another volume that won the Pulitzer) I cannot wait to read the other volumes, which I estimate will take me about a year per book, but worth it!

I finished Menewood, about which I cannot possibly write intelligently. Hild was and is so important to me and I love that period in English history so, so much, and the immersiveness of the books, how heartbreaking and hard and wild and wonderful they are! It did push me to plan to get Hild in non-ebook format; they’re both absolute bricks so it’s easier to read the e-book but I found it super helpful to be able to easily refer to the family trees and maps and stuff.

I finished Lauren Groff’s The Vaster Wilds and as a certified Groff stan I loved it. It’s gross and hard and has the most amazing end, and like Matrix I am excited to re-read it over and over and unlock more language and more beauty and just more.

I finished Here for It by R. Eric Thomas and loved it. It’s more serious and longer-form than what he writes for his newletter or Elle, and really benefits from it; he’s an incredibly talented storyteller. Not what I was expecting, but all the better for it.

I am DNF for A Lady for a Duke which I had such high hopes for! I don’t think it’s a bad book, but it is not a book for me, unfortunately.

I finished Everything I Need I Get from You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as We Know It and have a lot of feelings! I think it’s a really, really good book that’s respectful of fans and interesting, but it focuses almost solely on One Direction fandom, and I kind of wish that was clearer from the title and the summary? Like, no shade to that being the topic, but it feels like this is being sold as kind of a universal look at online fandom, and…it kinda isn’t?

(yes i’m salty there wasn’t anything about snapewives, yes this was somewhat soothed by chapters dedicated to L*rr*es and B*byg*te, YES I am afraid of 1D fangirls.)

I also read Phoebe’s Diary because I adore Phoebe Wahl and it was cool to read a middle-grade novel/graphic novel from her! (Most of the book is typeset, but there are lots of great little cartoons and drawings interspersed. I really, really liked it, although sometimes it’s a little hard to read because a) it is very realistic which means it’s like 95% about boys and boyfriends and that gets kind of old and b) it is very realistic and made me so unbelievably grateful that I never ever have to be 16 again. I would be extremely curious what a contemporary sixteen-year-old thought because it’s kind of a semi-period piece (set in 2005-6) and a few bits of it sort of…haven’t aged well from that period? (There’s one character who I think we’re meant to dislike but I love her so much because she reads aro-ace.) Anyway, I’m really glad I read it although at times it was painful, 10/10 do not miss being sixteen.

I haven’t finished anything, but I’m DNF for Sarah Vowell’s Lafayette in the Somewhat United States because I found it hard to follow and frankly incredibly boring. (I am going hard for the DNF’s these days, life is too short.)

omg so much! I read Learned by Heart in like three days, and it made my Anne Lister-loving heart sing. Truly, it broke my heart and it was so sweet and so happy and sad and just so good, I loved it and I’m hoping it triggers another bout of Lister hyperfixation.

I also read Agatha of Little Neon, which was likewise sad but sweet and happy and hopeful. It had a lot of feelings, but I loved it very, very much, and it just…made me feel good inside?

I was DNF on The Late Americans by about the sixth Sad Gay Man whose personality traits were that he was Sad and Gay and [insert one additional trait here that is shared with at least one other Sad Gay Man]. I love Brandon’s newsletter and his criticism; I did not like this novel.

I FINALLY finished Herzog! For a relatively short novel, it benefits from a slow reading – and I even basically skipped over the philosophical bits because my love for sad mid-century white men only goes so far. Anyway – a little to my surprise, I enormously enjoyed it. I don’t know that it’s, like, the greatest novel ever written and it’s edging into my ‘This got a Pulitzer? Really?’ pile, but a) I can see why it was groundbreaking and amazing and the Saga of the Everyman when it came out and b) honestly it’s really funny and interesting. It’s a little bit Odyssey-like, and Herzog is such a likeable schmuck, and just, yeah. It was great. It’s also a wonderful love letter to both the Berkshires and Chicago, and I loved the very quick Vineyard Havens moment.

Our Wives Under the Sea – a friend said this was the best book she’d read all summer, and I think it’s up there for me. It’s haunting and weird and beautiful and sad and I loved it very much.

Painted Pomegranates and Needlepoint Rabbis: How Jews Craft Resilience and Create Community - hah, I just realized this was a gift from the friend who made the Our Wives rec! I’ve got a little theme of reading about how craft creates meaning in various communities/subcommunities, and this fits right in. It’s definitely an academic text, but I found it extremely accessible. It doesn’t present a very diverse portrait of Judaism – which the author absolutely admits to and apologizes for – but for what it is, it’s a very interesting and valuable text, and I’m glad I read it and it’s part of my collection now.

I finished Big Swiss which is one of those books I ought to hate, but I was…not necessarily loving it, but definitely fascinated as hell with it. It’s such a gross book, and Greta is so majestically self-destructive, I actually could not look away. Magnificent, 10/10 would watch barely-likeable protagonists fuck their own lives up again.

Also, not a book, but I finally read Blackmun’s dissent in DeShaney v. Winnebago County, a landmark case that essentially determined that the government is not actually expected to protect you. (Skip noted segregationist Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s ruling, but the Wikipedia article on the case breaks it down well.) You can read it here – scroll down to the very bottom, his dissent is only 4 paragraphs, and it is beautifully, wonderfully written. The ‘Poor Joshua!’ paragraph is the most famous, but I return again and again to the passage Justice Blackmun quotes from Stone’s Law, Psychiatry and Morality, and particularly the line “What is required of us is moral ambition.”

(I learned about the case and Blackmun’s dissent through the podcast 5-4, which is both excellent, and a good antidote to growing up in the shadow of the Warren Court, as I did. The Supreme Court has always sucked, it turns out. Seriously, it’s one of my favorite Supreme Court podcasts and I subscribe to, um, a lot.)

I read Brutes in about two sittings, it was so good. What a wonderful book about the horror of being a teenage girl, and I mean that in the best possible way. I loved it.

I finished, appropriately enough, Ned Boulting’s 1923 which is a beautiful book about the Tour de France and the nearly-forgotten Theo Beeckmann, and about the covid pandemic and history and tracking people and places down through time. I am an enormous fan of Ned (and David and Pete for any other Never Strays Far fans), and although this book very rarely pushes just a touch into bathos, it is mostly beautiful and wonderful and I’m glad he wrote it and I’m glad I read it.

(I finished it on June 30th, which is rather an important day in the book so I’m proud of my timing too.)

I also read A Half-Built Garden which I have a lot of very complex emotions about. I don’t know if I liked it, but I like how it made me react and think and feel and get grumpy. I’m not even sure it’s all that great, but it sure did make me think.

I finished Fintan O’Toole’s massive We Don’t Know Ourselves about Ireland in the last 50-odd years. It is very good, and sometimes very hard to read (he pulls no punches regarding either the IRA or the Christian Brothers) and I’m glad I read it.

I also finished Secrets Typed in Blood, the third of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It starts off the weakest (or maybe I was just in a Mood), but it is, as ever, a good, quick, satisfying mystery.

I read Elizabeth Kilcoyne’s Wake the Bones which I loved – I normally prefer a bit more gothic in my Southern horror, but the very end especially is the most incredible reveal. I could not stand the protagonist and I still liked the book, that’s how good it is.

I also read Scorched Grace, which is apparently first in a series about a crime-solving nun. It’s written as a hardboiled noir and, yep, that’s what it is, which means it’s also not good, but it’s supposed to be kind of hacky, so it works? It’s *gruesome*, but I liked it well enough, I think noir just really isn’t for me.

Oh, and I guess I’m on an Irish lit kick because I read Foster (more a novella than a novel), which I found pretty meh, tbh.

I keep starting new books and I’m now in the middle of at least two Giant Tomes, oops. I did finish Saltwater by Jessica Andrews which is better than the Kirkus review it got! It didn’t, like, change my life but it was good reliving being at Uni in the UK and also I enjoyed it, all I ask of a book.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett: umpteenth re-read, a perfect book. I have beautiful editions of all the Tiffany books now, and hope to slowly make my way through them.

Red Shift by Alan Garner: I was heartened to learn that this is one of his most difficult books; I will be honest that I struggled, but it’s lingered in me, and I hope to re-read it many more times and keep untangling it. It is very, very good.

Hons and Rebels by Jessica Mitford: I’ve been meaning to read this for ages, and it didn’t disappoint in the least. I’m fascinated by the Mitford sisters, and this is such a good peek into them.

It also really drives home how unutterably boring a landed-gentry upbringing was.

Trust by Hernan Diaz: ok you know how people win Oscars nominally for some meh role, but it’s clearly really for an older role that they were overlooked for? That is this book and the Pulitzer, when In the Distance probably should have won. It was fine, but I was kind of underwhelmed. Next time I’ll just read some Wharton.

DNF on Upright Women Wanted which I wanted to love very much and absolutely hated. Next time I’ll just re-read Whiskey When We’re Dry.

I did finish Murder Under Her Skin, the second of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It was great fun and a very good mystery and I am excited for the next one.

I finished All the Beauty in the World, the memoir of a Met Museum guard. I have an almost guilty fondness for the Met; it really should not exist, but I love it, and I loved reading this very much. I do miss easy access to world-class museums :/

I also read Michelle Tea’s Against Memoir, which has the best fucking essay of all time about the SF girl gang HAGS, but really I loved the whole thing. I’ve become an absolutely massive Michelle Tea fangirl and use her tarot book all the time and just ugh, I can’t wait to get more of her stuff.

I just finished Elie Mystal’s Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution. Mystal is incredibly funny and smart and is an amazing Twitter follow if you are still on the bird hellsite. It is easy to think that funny writing is unserious, but this is deeply serious, and is a very good argument for pretty much a new Constitution that wasn’t written by enslavers. Also now I finally understand what substantive due process is, and what the difference is from procedural due process. (I also grasp the ninth and tenth amendments a little better too.) Anyway – really, if you are at all interesting in con law, or how much the Supreme Court sucks, or how broken a document the Constitution is while containing seeds of a better document, I deeply recommend this.

I finished The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows, and continue to very much enjoy Olivia Waite! This is *not* an nice, fizzy romance – the romance is, honestly, a pretty small part of the plot, and that’s not knocking it one bit. It’s queer and scary and very good. I definitely would be okay going back to a fluffy romance soon, but I’m glad I read this.

I also finished The Return of the King and words fail me, honestly. It’s been so long since I read the trilogy, but I truly cannot wait to re-read it; Tolkien is so much better than what came after, and it’s been good to re-learn that. The battle of Pelennor Fields is the scariest thing I’ve ever read. I have discovered four new emotions. I cried at the end. I mean, *you* sum that book up! (I have precisely zero desire to watch any of the new shows and whatever else comes out; the original trilogy was lightening in a bottle, and I will keep my memories warm and good, tbh.)

I finished Square Haunting, about women writers between the war and Mecklenburgh Square. It was quite good and interesting, and it was nice to build on the writers I already knew about (pretty much just Dorothy L. Sayers and Woolf), and learn about Eileen Power and just…that whole London set. I don’t know if tons of it will stick with me, but I’m pleased I read it.

Remembering Denny, by Calvin Trillin. It’s about a classmate of his from Yale, and about how people change and show different sides of themselves, about being gay pre-Stonewall and about the Silent Generation. It is very, very good. (Also FULL of people! Larry Kramer shows up at one point! And early on there’s some stuff that unexpectedly linked to my own life which was just WEIRD and kind of wonderful too.) I love Calvin Trillin so much.

Fortune Favors the Dead, an excellent little queer noir mystery, I am excited to read the next one.

The Hollow Places, I really love T. Kingfisher, love a good quick horror read. This hit a lot of the same beats as The Twisted Ones, which isn’t a strike against it, but I’m hoping for something new with the next book. Still, A++++++++ landscape horror.

I read Women Talking which was…fine? It was okay, I wasn’t blown away I have to say.

I read Hérnan Díaz’ In the Distance which I truly ought to have hated, and I don’t know if I *liked* it, but it’s going to stick with me a long time. It’s a Western, kind of. It’s dreamy, and violent, and lovely.

DNF on Charlie Brown’s America: the Popular Politics of Peanuts. There is a great book to be written on this topic. It is not this book, which quickly proved unreadable.

And I finished The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics which was fun and lovely and a nice fizzy romance, especially after In the Distance, lol. I’ll def read the next books in the series!

I have been reading at a good clip! Let’s see, I finished Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens which is about a ghost and George Sand and Chopin and making decisions and it was so joyful and so lovely and very queer. I re-read Lauren Groff’s Matrix and loved it even more the second time; I was able to snag a signed hardback copy from a friend and I’m delighted to own it because the book itself is beautiful, and it’s a dreamy read. And finally I read Calvin Trillin’s The Tummy Trilogy which is a collection of his three books that collect his food writings. These essays are glorious, hilarious, charming, a celebration of good food and good eating and regional food. I will say, though, that the final book is really by far the weakest, and I will skip it in future; the first two books are perfection. (FYI, if you do pick this up, and I really recommend it, note that he was writing in the 70′s and they are a bit of their time, but in a way that is good-humoured at least.) I’ve also got his Remembering Denny and I’m really excited to read that soon.

I finished Times Square Red, Times Square Blue and enormously enjoyed the first essay about Delany’s time in the porn theatres of Times Square. It’s character sketches and talking about how people meet and relate, and I loved it. The second essay is vastly denser and more theoretical, and I will be honest most of it went over my head. I liked most of what I grasped, although his plan for how to end catcalling of women is…certainly there.

I also read Kate Beaton’s Ducks in basically one sitting and it’s so, so good. It’s much sadder and harder than I thought it would be, but it’s worth reading.

I read Bad Land because Jonathan Raban died last week, and I am absolutely gutted. He was a magnificent writer and Bad Land was so good and so rich and a bit funny, and it got me up in my feelings as I read about him driving over the pass into Seattle, following the trail of Montanans, while I was flying into Seattle (and then going north through the rain). It’s so, so good, and I will miss Raban so much.

I also finished The Two Towers, about which I can only say that it’s kind of a weird bridge book, but it has some of the best and loveliest lines and also jesus I can’t write a review of Lord of the Rings, it holds up, ok?

I finished Bill Bryson’s 1927, his history of a fairly amazing year in American history. The occasional fatphobic jokes were…weird and not funny, but the man can write a good popular history book. It was my airport reading coming back from the east coast, and very good airport reading it was.

I finished Homewaters, which is a gorgeous book about the natural and human history of the Puget sound region, and I loved it. It’s not the fastest-paced book going, but it’s a fantastic history and goes into the biodiversity of the area, and I’m so glad I got it.

I also read A Prayer for the Crown-Shy in one sitting on an airplane. I did not glom onto the Monk and Robot books as much as I thought I would, but I liked this a lot, and found it really lovely. I hope very much that there will be others.

Finally, last night I finished reading Shadowlands: A Journey Through Britain’s Lost Cities and Vanished Villages. Some chapters are better than others (or maybe I was just more awake?) – I found the chapters on Skara Brae and St. Kilda genuinely riveting, but still don’t quite remember what happened at Old Winchelsea, for example. The last chapter, on Capel Celyn, was startlingly hard to read; I have mostly left my time in Wales in the past. Not in a bad way, but there’s no point in it being in my daily life, but it was much more painful to read about my once-home than I thought it would be. (It’s also just an absolutely gutting story.)

[sweetly-yours-and-mine]

its been on my head since i finished tsh.

bestie… do you think that Henry actually had feelings for camilla? BECAUSE when Francis told Richard about Charles he said he believes he still does. so, why the hell would he off himself😭??!! i know that some might say that donna portrayed him as death and all, or that he thought that was the way out. but that doesn’t make since to me… in this essay i will

Ok, before I answer this keep in mind that I've only read TSH once (reading it a second time with the audiobook), and my knowledge of the classics is severely limited to Oedipus Rex and two semesters of introductory Latin. All this to say, I'm an amateur, I'm an imposter, and I will not be held accountable for any of these opinions because they will more than likely change.

Putting my answer under the cut because it will have spoilers and triggering content.

I think he does? But I think it's important to take everything that Richard presents in the book with a fat grain of salt. One theory I agree with of Henry and Camilla's relationship is that Richard completely made it up to, in some ways, make Camilla's rejection sting less. Richard confesses to being a compulsive liar right from the get-go, and he brushes off so much responsibility throughout the book as well.

But, at the same time, there's that 'solemn wink' in class, the glass incident at Francis' house, and of course his saving her from Charles. In both those last two incidents, Henry is the only one who actually helps Camilla, and I feel that it had to have come from, at least in part, some good place inside of him. Richard for all his moaning about pre-med (trust me I get it, I was pre-med too) doesn't even think of a tourniquet, which leads to another theory of mine that Richard actually does try to get violent with Camilla when he only says he 'had thoughts' of it, and he wants actual harm to come to her. I just thought it weird, on my second read-through, that he calls out to Henry and Charles when he sees what's happened to her foot. Like do something for the love of God. He just passively looks at her foot and thinks 'oh wow, that's an artery'.

So, out of all three 'love' interests for Camilla (Richard, Henry, Charles) it seems to me Henry, despite everything, is the best choice for her, when she needs help. And that's why she seeks help from him as well, since he was the only one he managed to do anything for her when she hurt herself that first time.

And Henry wouldn't do that, I feel, unless there were some feelings there, platonic or not.

As for his suicide, I feel that that's Donna putting in some Greek mythology symbolism stuff (academic terms, I know) that simply blew over my head. I personally do agree with the fact that that was Henry coming to terms with Julian's abandonment and doing, in his own twisted way, what Julian should have done for all of them and taken responsibility (if indeed Henry had killed the farmer, but really, who knows?). There's definitely the themes of a Greek tragedy there, which I'm just not educated enough to recognise.

But as for Henry's leaving Camilla, I don't think it was because he didn't love her, but because he did (in his own way). A last resort to do what he'd been trying to do all throughout the novel.

I personally, since I've imprinted on him like a baby duck, don't agree with the death or Satan personifications, though Donna is a genius and I know they're there. I'm just infamous for completely blinding myself when it comes to the multiple atrocities my blorbos commit.

So, the tldr version is: yes and no, Henry had feelings for Camilla.

I'd love to get more ideas and theories on this, since the novel is deliberately contradictory and ambiguous, which I just adore. And out of all the characters, Camilla was the most severely misrepresented.

[aajjks]

BC!JK

are your eyes believing what they’re seeing? THE jeon jungkook defending you against jongin all because he snapped your headphones. he even forces him to apologize to you and though you didn’t enjoy the brutal example jungkook made out of him, you were happy to see one of your tormentors apologizing to you feeling helpless.

you’re unsure why jungkook defended you and you’re hoping the bully club will leave alone but they still insist on making fun of you and giving you weird glances.

“don’t think just cause jungkook defended you means you’re safe from us” namjoon says as he shoves you into the lockers “he’s still the leader at the end of the day” yoongi follows up which means nothing will change.

they didn’t need to break it down for you anymore than that and maybe that will get people to believe that you and jungkook aren’t a thing because you’re sure those kinds of rumors are already brewing. your last two classes weren’t that bad but you ended up taking a lot more time than usual thanks to your least favorite class, chemistry.

you still haven’t seen danielle and you decide to head back home to get caught up with your homework and maybe start on your essay on production for your art class.

unexpectedly or maybe unfortunately, you hear a familiar voice calling out for you and once they get nearer, it’s jeon jungkook shoving his cell in your face demanding you give him your number. you remember politely declining an exchange in numbers but then you remember the cafeteria incident and yoongi’s words.

he still hates you and if you don’t hand him your number, he’ll hurt you like jongin or maybe worse. with a sigh, you put in your number and pray you don’t regret giving your bully your ACTUAL digits but of course you do.

by the time you arrive home and freshen up, jungkook is already ringing your cell phone and sending texts threatening you to pick up.

you really regret giving your worst enemy your phone number….

“yes jungkook?” you say in a bothered tone as you continue to finish your math homework that was starting to irritate you.

“listen…can you please delete my number? i appreciate you wanting me to help but there’s so many other people who are smarter than me. and-AND they’re actually attractive. you don’t want to work with an ugly loser like me. you should work with someone like soojin, danielle, or alina”

He’s in the comfort of his home and he feels awfully hot, the air conditioning doesn’t really help him out because he’s talking to you right now, so he does feel a little excited.

But what you say next has him clenching his jaw in anger. “shut the fuck up. They are dumb bitches and you are really smart.” of course, that is the truth. “And. Soo Jin is only good for fucking, Danielle your dear friend is way too grumpy for me to deal with, and who the fuck is alina?” He scoffs.

“I want to work with you, understand? You.” Jungkook makes sure to emphasize on you, “you are ugly but those women are plastic- at least you’re natural and smart.” he doesn’t want to sound too corny, but the truth is that… you are really beautiful.

You’ve got the perfect lips, the most gorgeous eyes, and the most adorable cheeks. And your nose is absolutely perfection, but his most favorite part about you is definitely your mouth.

Oh he loves it so much. “come on now, speak up little lamb.” it’s like he’s talking to his crush and maybe that is the truth… he feels so giddy. “Come on explain to me about whatever the fuck I missed on in the class.” He smirks. He hears you say over the other line, and you just give up and begin explaining.

Jungkook loves the way you talk it’s so soft and.. it’s just so you. “Ok ok I got it..” he interrupts you once again, because he’s really not interested in that. “Before I hang up, I want you to tell me if he gets you new headphones and if he doesn’t, just let me know.” He bites his lower lip, his gaze settling in his bruised knuckles.

“I’ll make sure that he learns another lesson.”

[meandmyechoes]

Kingohger ep30

rita centric again, dying already since a week ago.

here it comes~!

no i'm not nervous at all, because death is certain.

i rewatched ep16 as official asked but i'm very alert they urge people to watch live

btw the reminder video yesterday is so cute!!

oh Tosa is back!

Yes Jeramie you have my praise 😭

ohhh go go go pamper them

Arm! good one himeno-sama!

they just. she just KNOWS how to play Rita in her hand.

okay i get it this ep is just starting with two dates

Genki ka? a lil pause and so soft Taisei's delivery 😭

fluff time over in a minute

wait wait open visual wdym with the emblem you're not telling me it's jeramie's dad!

BUG YURI

lol relatable finishing the food too fast because you don't know how to social

Yuzuki straightening a bit before raising the moffun question. precious.

absolutely surreal to me. why is rita's voice coming out of yuzuki's face.

oh… that's the spell Rita said OH OH

my stream keeps breaking up *missed flashback*

Did the child actor grew a lot taller since last time??

new song…

but how did Karras kept the browness?

Yeah that's the part I felt on rewatch, Shiron and Rita totally understood what "Seal" means but no one in and out universe

Woah. She's already dead. That's convenient (no no no i want Rita to have living parents 😭)

Erica's anger act improved a lot since 14

hmmm i was sure Jester is Jeramie's Dad or parasiting his body at least

hmmm but Jeramie doesn't recognize this man (his dad IS in his flashback)

lmao Dugded can't count

AHHHHH NOOOOOO HE KILLED SHIRON TOO FUUUUUCKKK

HE DIDN'T GET TO SEE HIS WIFE ONE LAST TIME FUUUUUUCK FUUUUUUUCK KAMEJIM

FUUUUUUUCK HE SPENT TWO YEARS LOOKING FOR HER AND NOOOOOO

A player of life, what a nemsis for Himeno the doctor as well! (what thata about Takamina's mentor first rider work *cough* (ex-aid is what reignited my toku fever)

watashi ga yuruganai *sounds of heartbreak*

woah ok. I can take this. At least they didn't have Moffun speak and break the atmosphere

YANMA'S FOAM SWORD

老媽子？！

jaw dropped

😦😯

yeah i called this ep linked to Jeramie but like this is too much

Kingoh's female characters really is the best…

i'm so shocked i forget to record the first 3 minutes of Kasumi's live, again.

ah new kingoh episde, i feel alive again (heartbroken)

---- pre-essay ----

i just wanna say i'm exhausted (irl) and i'm exhausted from kingoh serving us nothing but despair and angst and apparently same for next week too. so even when i'm relieved we know what's coming up i really need a break when daigo shows up (break = waking up at noon to watch subs instead of live at 8).

I don't know what emotion should I bring to watching this episode. I approached it all clinical figuring out a flow but i just know i'll be wrong (good). I have no idea how the episode would end though - or that we'd even realize it has reach the endpoint (good thing for commercial breaks ig). Is Rita gonna be out of action for a bit? Or is it going to connect to Jeramie's background?

you see at this point i don't even care if himerita gets "canon" or who won in the end 🏵🦋 or 🦋👓 they are all canon to me. i'm just having a LOVELY time enjoying the relationships being developed naturally instead of feeling advertised. honestly i wouldn't mind if they turn the queer bait to cash like lupat pink/yellow i'm very willing to be deceived if more content this time.

[fastasyoucan1999]

brynn hi hello!!!!! 20 + 13 + 17 for the book asks please <3 i want to hear all your thoughts you are just so cool!! xoxox hope your flights goes well MWAH!! <3

liv hiii!!!! and stop it youre making me blush... the flight is over which i'm thrilled about! how are you what are you thinking abt tell me!

what was your most anticipated release? did it meet your expectations?

i'm not much of an anticipator! i'm really not a part of the wider book culture... i have no clue what's happening out there..

i guess braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer? i'd heard some fantastic things about it and it did for the most part meet my expectations! i think it dragged around the middle and towards the end.. but nearly every essay had me on the brink of tears (pls i'm begging take this with a grain of salt. i cry at dove commercials, and at those barbie ones where five year olds are lecturing to a college class and then it fades out and they were playing with a barbie the whole time...)

uhh and true grit by charles portis... it did come out in the 60s but. the cashier told me i'd love it and he was right. i did

what were your least favorite books of the year?

you're a pot stirrer. do we need to talk more about the seven husbands of evelyn hugo? bc i will. what a bland dry shallow book. it was so.... lackluster? ineffective? unoriginal? i just found it boring on all fronts. i've never read a book that left me with so little after i finished it. i can't even talk about it at length bc it's already slipping from my mind; it might as well have not existed.

also moby-dick. felt like pages were added the more i read. it was some sort of never-ending infinite silk-pulled-from-a-pocket magic trick. shocked and appalled that somehow more pages kept appearing after i finished one... i would've dnfed it but i was reading it for a class :/ and my prof was so kind, she reminded me of jessica day and she loved moby-dick. she loved it so much. so i read all of it for her <3 despised every second

the monk by matthew lewis and the italian by ann radcliffe. classic classic gothic literature. so much happening... so little actually being done. i do however respect how incredibly horny both of them were.

did any books surprise you with how good they were?

east of eden... persuasion by austen... but i'm going to answer this indulgently and say i reread gregor the overlander by suzanne collins. and though i wasn't surprised by how good it was bc collins is fantastic and i trust her implicitly... i just feel the need to emphasize what a masterclass in middle grade fiction the underland chronicles are. whatever youre thinking when you see 'middle grade fiction' literally erase it from your mind bc the series beats out everything i've ever read. percy jackson kid this harry potter kid that... hit me up if you know anything about giant rats and the casualties of war ok

[the-bloody-sadist]

prepare for an entire novel please because ive just finished sinner and i have so much to say. tl;dr its my favourite thing in the world thank you for writing it.

i dont know what that story did to me honestly. ive never EVER felt so..... viscerally from something written. its insane. it made me feel so numb for so long and then it made me Feel and i feel like i just went through the entire rollercoaster with dazai. it made me cry and it made my chest so so painfully tight and it made my body go numb and it made me stop caring about anything in the world aside from just. that. reading that.

i am an absolute sucker for tiny touches and gestures that feel incredibly significant. obviously, sinner is packed full of those, and i am LIVING- its so slow and meticulous and particular and everything is so significant and its SO SLOW I WISH I COULD WRITE LIKE THIS. so so slow, the way everything happens. so dragged out and full of suspense and anxiety and i cannot explain how much i adore it.

i dont know why but. the thing that made me audibly gasp and cover my mouth like i was in a movie was when dazai said "mori likes it when i play doll". i cant scream enough about it. i had to drop everything and scream at my friends about it. i cannot explain the sheer Emotion. i dont know why, i dont KNOW when after everything thats happened that just seems so silly and mild but just. it really highlights how no matter how absolutely horrible fyodor was and how much he broke dazai, dazai got there already broken. it comes so suddenly its like seven punches in the gut and then several kicks when i was already on the floor wheezing. then a bus, rolling over my entire body. twice. made my spirit leave my body for multiple minutes before i was ready to continue.

and yes the chuuya x akutagawa parts were absolute gold i am obsessed i have never thought about that ship in my life but i will never stop thinking about it ever again.

thats it, i think. i say, closing my seven page essay-

no actually fuck it now that im already here let me just say forbidden blood is also a masterpiece and i reread it like 5 times and its good every single time. ok. now thats it.

have a good day :)

Good GRIEFFFFF!!!! Talk about feeling accomplished as an author when you get an ask like this holy SHIT.

I wish I could respond to every detail but I was literally sitting there with my mouth open and little tears pricking my eyes through the whole thing because THIS!!!!! THIS IS JUST!!!! Every reaction described is everything I’ve ever wanted to hit my readers with and I am insanely pleased that it at least hit you and the others who’ve told me as much.

That is ACTUALLY crazy about the Mori line because I HIGHLY debated taking that out 😂 the entire chapter really, but mostly that line felt so corny and I was like “am I pushing it??” But now I feel great about it. So thank you.

What you said about the TINIEST touches feeling gigantic is also MY favorite thing (no surprise) and I really had never discovered that as a possibility until anime as a genre, and how that brought out a lot of subtleties feeling like pillars of emotional damage and/or healing. Whenever I write anything, I want this the most. And it really worked out for Sinner.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. This made my day. And Forbidden Blood too!!! You trooper! Thank you for the compliments on that as well!

May both sides of your pillow stay cold for eternity. 😩✊ Much love to you!

[murdering-time]

(// true! I do get that- shipping is nice and all, especially when you get down to the character development and relationships and stuff, but what about the ones that want to do something general?? Without it being overwhelming including so many people at one time?

Also mun, you say ramble like that's a threatening promise but I promise you I would watch the absolute shit out of a video essay on jervis tetch- just can't promise it'll be in one setting, since adhd and attention span go brr)

-- ☎️

// I'm keeping this post to write the thoughts on. //

Annotated by Dictaphone

I am going to ramble about Jervis Tetch because I need to get this essay done. I'm so glad I have typed his name in so much that my phone fucking recognizes his name, great, this makes it so much easier, let me get the post up really quickly, I have it saved somewhere in my drafts but there are a lot of thoughts about Jervis that I have have and I shall - I shall voice those -- I shall voice these opinions.

hold on ok where do I want to start...

So the ask post says "mun you say ramble like that's a threatening promise but I would watch the absolute shit out of a video essay on Jervis Tetch, can't promise it will be in one sitting since ADHD and attention span that"

Still I'm going to get my WordPress up really quickly because I've written most of this already ... I don't need to login in, do I not have my phone... I don't... is it -- excuse me

No you know what - I was going to talk - I was going to talk while I get this loaded so the thing I really like about Jervis is that there's a lot.

There's a lot. There are so many qualities to him and things that I want to touch upon; his obsessive nature; the clear mental illness coding; and just I guess if he could be saved in general... so to start with would be the hyperfixations and The Obsession

I don't know how to do like enter so I'm just going to rattle it off so when was -- this is purely the Animated Series for the record and just because that's the one I'm most familiar with -- so this will likely be a ramble that I natter on and on and on about; I can make it more coherent at some point when I read it

Judge and jury; analysing Jervis tetch

a dive into the portrayal of decline within Batman

and it really is just like - that's another thing I want to touch on Alice, the Decline, and just him in general, so I basically started to say it's like -

it is a common statement among many DC fans to say that Batman does more harm than good; whether this is to Gotham, the people of it, or those who become his nemesis. the Animated Series even goes so far as to hold a mock trial for the bat himself; however this small piece won't be diverge further than the episode mentioned as "mad as a hatter"

I will reference some of the other episode but it is - it is good to keep it to "mad as a hatter" as enough. after all if we want to see if Bats really did cause Jervis' downfall then his precipice must be identified either before or during his first interaction with batman himself, and depending on that, whether or not Tetch could have been redeemed and when so.

The first introduction to our Mad Hatter is seemingly a regular rendition of a scientist exstatic over his device and having finished the project with outstanding results, already someone to sympathise with, he's achieved a goal and something clearly he's been discouraged to do if not definitely mocked for by the debunking naysayers within his community.

As "they all laughed" when he proposed the thesis, already it is clear that the man will go out of his way to achieve his goals and to gather definite results and prove to himself that he's worth something within his field and the company.

The underlying issue is, of course, self confidence...and where the desire to succeed comes from, taking note of the fact that his goal was to control creatures to act "more civilized". But even then, he goes as far as to state he could "control anything". This need for manipulation is clearly where Mr. Tetch's downfall begins.

Within 5 minutes into the 20-minute episode roughly quarter of the way through we're shown that service has the ability to be reasonable if not a mild mannered man

yeah it is clear that he suffers from some form of social anxiety as it is Made clear in his introduction.

it is apparent when talking to to Kate's he clearly has some form of hierarchical understanding of the company aware that Cates sits above him and Bruce sits above her. it is to Tetch's understanding that he must be accepted by his peers to be respected, his work done with the rats shows a clear understanding of not on neurological prowess but also a technological strength in that he has worked on his own circuitry and that he has developed his own programming and -- and Concepts for mind control

It is that we are introduced to Alice but we are also introduced through -- through subtlety and -- and background Cues that Jervis has an obsessive personality. So the episode itself is called "mad as a hatter", we are then introduced to Jervis tetch immediately after we see he in the background has an Alice in Wonderland poster.

It is never drawn upon though it is upon meeting the character Alice that we see this is where the focus of the episode will go and knowing that he is "mad as a hatter" we can only assume that this is where his downfall begins.

Prior to his downfall, it is established that Alice and him have a close relationship because she treats him as a human being; he goes on to say that she's the only one to really understand him and it is at that point that Alice says that she was lucky to have a man like him in her life alongside her partner who has not yet been introduced --introduced in a sentence in that we are made aware of the fact that she has a relationship. we are experiencing the shock alongside Jervis

Except in our case the shock is not so much we are hurt, it is more so we were led to believe that with Alice he is very very clearly smitten and very clearly socially anxious. We were to believe that either this would be that he is Hatter and she is his Alice, or that this story would be more likely his downfall over Alice.

It is interesting to note that in the original text for Alice in Wonderland she was uninvited to the tea party and that Jervis is the uninvited party in this episode... it is unusual connection to make but it is also something worth noting almost as if the to the two texts are foils to each other or rather the two medias are foils to each other; so where as the Mad Hatter was already mad in Wonderland we get to see Jervis go mad, and as Alice was uninvited in Wonderland we see Jervis as the uninvited party.

Whether the writer's intended this or not, Jervis is very clearly coded in a certain way -- he is very clearly coded to have some form of mental illness -- most like other roagues. Whether this is because of the 90s being the 90s, or because the writer's wanted them to be mentally ill and and create a tragedy from that --

See I think Edward would be the best example referring to Riddlers reform where we see him have a breakdown. it is a tragedy in a bitter sense. You can see this brilliant wonderful man who has a mind worth bragging about go down a root of his own self-fulfilling prophecy of a complete meltdown.

That's another thing for another day

So within the analysis we can see that his obsessive nature towards this presence is derived from the fact that he's obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. I do not believe that he was obsessed with Alice because of who she is I believe he was obsessed with her because she was caring to him and because her name is Alice.

It stems from the work that he's obsessed with, because it is to with something that he cares about and she has treated him kindly in an environment where he's been ostracised and socially neglected due to his mental health, and the way he acts, and his obsessive nature, and his completely ridiculous scientific reports that he divulges in. So when she treats him kindly, and the fact that her name is Alice just completes the the prime example of whatever he's looking for; kindness, sympathy, and better yet something wonderland.

Even when it's his private studies with the mice that replicates Wonderland because you can see the dormouse having tea so all throughout everything Jervis does it's motivated by Wonderland in some sense.

You see him grow from that anxious man when first meeting Bruce and then he grows agitated at Kate's -- I believe I need to refresh myself with the episode so I usually know it fairly well -- I usually know it word for word --

So he grows agitated upon hearing that Alice has a partner because he -- he already thinks that he deserves her because he sees himself too consciously as the Hatter -- he thinks that Alice is part of his world, not part of Billy's world, not that he knows who Billy is right now.

So it's at that point already that I truly think he is beyond saving. The fact that he or rather -- you know that's where we see the downfall truly start -- I don't think batman had anything to do with it, but I do think that Jervis not getting the help he required made or not even being able to recognise that he ostracize himself and isolates himself to a point of obsessive Madness, I think the fact that wasn't brought up is definitely not great. I think at that point, this is -- we were -- we see the start of the downfall as the rest of the episode plays out but it's definitely that Turning Point where he sees himself entitled to Alice.

Through the anger of her already having a partner that he basically Dons the Hatter Namesake.

I think through his obsession and through his isolation he -- he has his downfall and it's a lot of the rogues that do this to themselves almost in the sense that they are truly helpless to the way that their minds think.

Which makes sense because a lot of them are coded to be mentally ill I think the only person so far that I've gotten up to --I've gotten up Clock King -- no that's not true I've got a past that, I've gotten up to fear of Victory -- but through -- through watching the episodes the only person I have no remorse for in the animated series is the first iteration of crane because the first iteration of Crane was merciless -- he was merciless and it was painful to watch How Little remorse he had and -- and his motivation was spite so I-- I can't empathize with the animated Crane at all nothing -- I can't -- I cannot emphasise with the "nothing to fear" crane at all -- but it's interesting to compare them all against each other.

Scientists you can compare-- each scientist against each other especially scientists with an obsessive drive.

We completely and directly compare and contrast Jervis and Kirk, both the scientist with an obsessive drive, both the scientists who go out of their way to understand their obsession, and -- and both have research fuelled by obsession. Kirk has his bats Jervis is Wonderland.

So you have on one hand Kirk langstrom who is literally sacrificing his body and himself to his work, and on the other hand you have Mad Hatter who's sacrificing the people around him and it is interesting to note that Kirk is socialised and has a wife where as Jervis is completely isolated on his own.

It almost begs to-- to say that the people around you help you become who you are or at least in rogue senses... so Kirk you know his wife helps him in the end if I remember correctly and Jervis just doesn't because Kirk has that support but Jervis does not have that support at all so he becomes Maddened

It's more of a tragedy because you see it have an effect on him and those around him. Jervis has no support system at all and it's just-- it's just that notion of -- you know -- if you are supported you will still you know -- you -- you are still susceptible to Villainy but there is a way to help because instead of going to Arkham I believe Kirk is given a cure so there's this Direct comparison between the two of them; both scientists, both to have romantic interests, both have an obsessive personality, one of them is cured the other's sent to Arkham. I don't see Jervis not going to Arkham but I do pity him I do pity him a lot

With his relationship, to how he sees himself, there is clearly a lot of -- a lot of similarities between how he sees himself and how he sees the Hatter.

For example, he talks to his mice which then they have tea as like in the book, and he -- he has found people outcast him for being eccentric so he truly believes that because he is outcast he is mad or at least is made to be mad.

Additionally with how he is physically and with the way they designed him he looks very similar to the original Hatter it makes him even more singled out, so when he is isolated and he's working on his neurotech and he's obsessed with the book etc etc it is -- it is like he is projecting and to an extreme extent as well where in the book The hatter and Alice are amicable together -- it is completely different in the animated series

This is in contrast to Cates is specifically important because we are following Tetch's narrative. We as the audience villainize Kate's alongside Jervis Tetch that we only see her as a very blunt and forward woman and the way that she treats Tetch seems unfair. That we have only known him for a couple of seconds to be positive immediately the narrative is already biased because we don't know the context of what Cates is like. because she has every right to be angered and concerned and we can only assume that this is at the end -- or this is the at the end of something that has been building and building for a while.

And so with that in mind, we have to understand that where Cates is very career-orientated, she clearly cares for Alice to some degree. You can see her comfort her when she's left by Billy, she clearly doesn't emphasise but she has a lot of sympathy. Knowing this we can somewhat established that Cates is looking out for Alice and the fact that she has a distaste of Tetch proves that this is to some extent -- if not a lot of extent -- nefarious.

We also don't know how old he is. We know that Alice looks incredibly young and already there with that like seemingly large age-gap it's even worse.

I truly believe that Alice is too nice for her and good. When Jervis takes her out to Wonderland -- which is another thing and itself you can analyse -- that in itself she says that he's a silly little man so you already get painted -- you already get painted -- you already get painted this picture of -- of like naivety almost -- but like -- kind naivety so she definitely -- I don't know -- she was susceptible to -- to -- to -- no, not manipulation necessarily -- but definitely some form of mind fuckery...

I mean it's Tetch, you know you don't get Jervis without mind fucking but like I don't know -- I think the fact that Alice is the way that she is and she's supposed to be that -- if she's clearly looking at the good and everyone...

It is is any old Alice for Jervis but this Alice because of the way that she is and that -- it just makes it even worse because she's in more danger towards Jervis which I truly believe was what Cates was on the lookout for.

BASICALLy in conclusion, no Batman didnt make Tetch, he was simply a catalyst and Jervis was already the Hatter the moment we met him. He just chose to don the namesake after growing posessive of Alice to an obsessive degree.