#ok i KNOW im up too early at this point lmao

[dovedrangeas]

one day you’ll look back at your worst years and be able to tell your past self that staying alive was worth it and that you’re very proud of them for sticking around even when it was so, so hard

[kuiinncedes]

my dad: dont worry about boyfriend/girlfriend (idk why he said girlfriend or if he was serious as far as i know he's still homophobic lmfao but ppl change ig) just worry about making friends (or something)

me: OHHHHHHHHHH DONTTTTT YOU WORRYYYYYY about me worrying about a bf/gf i dont give a SHIT lmfao

[choccy-milky]

Hi Darling! First of all.. OMG I REALLYYY REALLYYYY LOVE YOUR FIC ♥️♥️♥️! I've been a silent reader for too long and this is the first time I came to the surface to thank you for this amazing fic and art that you've made.

I also have gathered my courage to ask you this. But headcanonically (if that's even a word but wtv 😭) in your fic world. Did Sebastian ever court or interested in someone before Clora? I had a wild thought that he was into someone and had courted them but wouldn't last long because he had to take care of Anne and this lass he courted was tired of his rambling about Anne this and Anne that. Sebastian decided that they should end things because not appreciating Anne means not appreciating him.

And when he dated Clora. He met her again. She desperately wants him back and apologises (She does have another intention though). He declines because he's already ill with her and is now crazy in love with our darling Clora. He chooses not to tell Clora about this. But I wonder what happened if Clora knows tho.

ANYWAY! THANK YOU FOR READING MY LONG ASS WILD THOUGHTS BUT I AM AN ANGST GIRL IN THIS ANGST LIFE. 😭😭😭💙💙💙

AW THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME💖💖IM GLAD TO HEAR IT💖💖 AND OK its funny you bring this up bc i actually planned for sebastian to have a bit of an internal monologue in my most recent chap about the girls he's had a crush on (before clora--omg... B.C), but i ended up cutting it out because it was part of a deleted scene. but no seb has never actually dated/courted anyone before clora, tho he defs did have crushes....but if he WAS with another girl before clora....🤔🤔hmm🤔🤔 i guess it would depend when in their relationship clora found out? if it was at the beginning when clora was still really shy/nervous/self conscious, it would obviously make her even moreso, and she would have compared herself and wondered if she was good enough and if she was doing things right. and i feel like that early in the relationship, if that other girl DID come back and try and get with seb, clora might actually be worried they'd get together again, esp if she ever saw them talking (kinda like the lawley situation, but in reverse BAHA) if it was NOW though and clora just suddenly found out....LMAOO oh boy. she'd obvs be like why did u never tell me, and itd go something like this: seb: "it was brief enough that i didn't see any point in mentioning it--we hadn't even snogged." clora: "well, it just so happens that i was with a boy before you, too. but we hadn't snogged either, so by your logic, i guess you don't care." seb: ".........." seb: "........alright, point proven." (and then seb would be all worried and confirm that she hadnt actually been with anyone before him/that she was just messing with him, and shed be like LMAO YES IT WAS JUST FOR ARGUMANTS SAKE OBVS) anyway clora might be sad for a bit but she'd get over it pretty quick, since she knows seb is so devoted to her/hed make it a point to be a huge simp for her to show her he has no leftover feelings for anyone else LOL (like how he was after the relic incident & during her period) honestly its just hard to make clora jealous in the first place, bc seb is such a mega simp for her LMFAO. and aS HE SHOULD BE!!!👇🧎‍♂️

[that-one-xachster]

Megumi x Childhood Bestie!Reader Hcs part two

ok I'm continuing this lmfao

so lets get to the part after go/joe kidnaps itadori

and you're just chilling with megumi in his room questioning all life choices

and he's questioning life itself

"crabs probably think fish can fly"

"...what did you eat today"

"tuna mayo"

"istg if you pull the Inumaki crap-"

"bean bags are boneless sofas"

"wHaT"

"...I want a beanbag."

*audibly sighs*

so yeah very fun

and you have a sleepover with him bc like

why not

and drama

so let's say todays that very special once in a lifetime day that you fall asleep INSTANTLY

and like just boom "I'm tired" you're knocked out

and megumi's just there like "gurl??"

my bro is absolutely done cause you're like taking up most of his bed

and personal space

give the man a break 😔✋

so he tries shoving you a lil to the side

keyword: tries

but you're a stubborn person so you don't budge

also you're gripping the bed for dear life in your sLEEP-

you haven't grown out of it lmao

megumi pulls his iconic face and is just

absolutely done at this point

so-

he's known you since childhood anyway right

and you're asleep right

right

so you won't mind if he just plops on top of you and cuddle-spoons you while your sleeping to create space right 😊

just to create space

you don't mind even when you're awake but megumi doesn't know that-

so yes he lies on top of you- wraps an arm around your waist- and spoons you while he falls asleep-

im giggling squealing kicking my feet writing this don't mind me

so yes he's still spooning you while you're asleep-

and in the morning he wakes up first ehe-

bc sleep = none or sleep = all

"all's well thats well for me"

iykyk

but you're still sleeping

and its like 7:30 am

its too early for this shit

so he just stays in bed cuddling you

and boom half an hour later you wake up

but you pretend to be sleeping heh

why

plot

so you two are technically cuddling rn and then my bro realizes that your awake-

and hes like

"oh good morning"

yeah we're totally gonna gaslight

"good morning to you too"

we're gonna keep up the gaslighting

so you turn around and you're facing megumi and you're like what time is it he's like 8:30 am or sum

so you both get up bleh the boring stuff

AND THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE ITADORI IS GETTING SHOWN HIS ROOM SO-

YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING

so then megumi walks out of the room but you're still inside cause why not

and then itadori and megumi have some bro talk and you just pop up behind megumi-

itadori sHRIEKS

gojos like 'did u two have a sleepover 😼'

and megumi ofc is like 'why do you care'

and itadori goes-

GASPPP ARE YOU TWO DATING???

the way your faces heat up so fast

FACES

WITH AN S

PLURAL

MEGUMI'S BLUSHING TOO

and hes like 'what the f no i'm not dating this idiot here'

you're like 'i wish 😔'

tHE WAY HE BLUSHES HARDER

no this does not go unnoticed by gojo and he whips out his phone faster than lightning mcqueen and bombards him with pictures

'smile for the camera megumi~'

'boy if you don't shut your skin tone chicken bone google chrome no home flip phone disowned ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome genome full blown monochrome student loan Indiana jones overgrown flintstone x and Y chromosome hormone friend zone Sylvester Stallone Sierra loan autozone professionally seen silver patrone head ass up-'

yes I had to

anyway y'all gotta go pick up the other first year aka nobara

and you're like

"OOH OOH GOJO SENSEI BOY OR GIRL"

"hehe you'll see"

so you make all of them speed to wherever the hell yer picking her up

idt I mentioned you slept in the car and your head was on megumis shoulder eheh

itadori kept teasing him and won't let him live it down fr

so yk nobara and her iconic scene

you have no shame

and you drink your respect women juice

im trying to make this gender neutral 😭

you see the uniform and you're cheering her on so much like

"WOO YEAHHH- PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE YOU GO GIRL-"

and shes like tf is this crazy bish doing

but you're just really excited to have another person in the group cause being around the same uh 7-8 people can get boring

so you meet her and you're pretty excited

"be glad boys, you're getting another girl in the group."

now that drops your opinion

so you have a smol idea

to uh

you whisper something in her ear and the wAY HER EXPRESSION DROPS

guess what you said <3 bc ik ofc I wanna see what y'all think

anyhoo so then shes like WHAT THE HELL and drops it

and boom you pull your feminine/masculine/nonbinary wiles and she's now your bestie

and gojo says we're going sOmEwHeRe

and nobara and itadori get so excited

yk the EJWRHTKWJEHTAUIETHR and the hugging gojo

you're standing next to megumi though cause you know whats coming

the way their face drops when y'all go to that messed up school- was it a school?

anyway yuji and nobara go in and you're outside with megumi and gojo

y'all are sitting down nearby

you're tired af with this shit so you just plop your head down in megumi's lap and no questions he just lets you

<3

and hes running his fingers through your HAIRRRRR

*screaming*

so you have some lovey-dovey time and gojo sneaks a picture cause he low-key ships you two

and after the two come out y'all just walk back very nice day

okay moving on from the boring stuff he goes back to his dorm

is developing a crush ehe

so hes just lying in bed thinking like

WHY TF AM I FEELING THIS WAY OVER THAT IDIOT RAHHHH

poor guys conflicted

but good for you hehe

sigh I'm tired ill write a part 3 later lmao

[youngbloodlisk]

parade day - enhypen bias x reader, fluff

the bias isn't actually in it all that much, but just like trust me lol

applicable for any enha member, no name stated, though if you feel it's a bit ooc for your member of choice to say certain things feel free to alter it a little in your own mind to make it fit better!

I shiver, feeling like an ice block from the inside out, despite the amount of layers on my body and the hot drink in my gloved hands.

I breathe out air warmer than my surroundings, granting me the appearance of a steam cloud coming from my mouth.

As I take a drink from my paper cup, I can't help but wonder to myself why Thanksgiving has to be in November. And why parades have to be outdoors. And why I had to be here so early in the morning just to stand here for hours.

Then, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Not just a generic vibration, but the custom vibration that he set for himself on my phone. 'So I always know it's him before I even look.'

⁃ how's the crowd

He's such an ass. He's currently inside, waiting for the staff to tell him to go out and board the float. Inside. He's inside. In the heat.

⁃ cold, dick. how's the nice warm heated building 🤩

⁃ lovely, thank you.

⁃ no but fr ur not too cold right? you have jackets on?

⁃ i can send someone to u with my jacket if u need it

⁃ did you get the drink u said u we're gonna get?

⁃ yes yes yes I have jackets I have my drink im fine lmao

He might be kind of an ass but he's so sweet.

⁃ ok good.

⁃ only a few hours!

⁃ after we pass by the main part you can leave baby

⁃ ik you said you were gonna wait around for me but you don't have to

⁃ I don't need you freezing your ass off

⁃ THAT would be tragic. r.i.p. ass

I can't help but roll my eyes.

⁃ you're such a perv

⁃ woah rude!

Instead of responding, I slide my phone back into my pocket. I don't really have anything else to say at the moment. If I tell him straight up that I WILL be waiting until the end of the parade for him, he'll just whine about how I don't have to.

And now I stand. And wait...

And I waited for about 5 hours. We had to be here at 4:30 in the morning, both for him to get where he needed to go with his members and for me to get an absolutely prime spot in the crowd. The parade didn't actually start until about 9:30.

It's not every day that your boyfriend performs in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Longest five hours of my life, but whatever. He better not mess up the choreography after all this shit or I'm gonna be pissed.

Not really, it would actually be pretty funny. But the point is- this is pretty exhausting. Especially since I'm here all by myself.

Other members have partners, but they either couldn't come out for the parade or they don't like me. Not kidding, they seriously just don't like me that much. But that's okay! I don't particularly like them either. Anyways, all that resulted in me being here alone, without anybody to talk to to pass time.

But whatever. Whatever! It's over. The agonizingly boring five hours is over, and the parade is finally starting.

The float I'm really here for is a few floats and balloons back, but the parade feels like it moves quickly, so it doesn't seem to take very long at all.

The big Baby Shark float approaches and I see him already trying to find me in the crowd.

"Excuse me, could my daughter stand in front of you? Just for this performance?" A woman asks from behind me. I look next to her and see a young girl, probably about 10 or 11, holding a picket with my boyfriend's face on it.

She looks like this is the best day of her life. She isn't even looking at me, like she doesn't even care if she has the best view of the group. Just being here and seeing them is enough to fill her with pure joy.

"Of course! Of course she can!"

"Oh, thank you so much." She prompts her daughter to move forward as I scoot back a bit to make room for her. "She loves these boys, she's been talking about it for days. Thank you."

"It's no problem at all." I turn my attention to the young girl. "Is he your favorite?" I point to her picket.

She nods, excitedly.

"He's so pretty."

"He really is. He's my favorite too."

I look up again, seeing that he's still trying to find me. I wave with all my might, willing him to spot me, and soon enough he does. As soon as I have his attention, I frantically point to the girl who is now holding her picket up and waving at him. He leans down a bit to indicate that he's changed his attention to her as he smiles, waves at her, and sends a hand heart in her direction.

She squeals and jumps up and down.

"He saw me!! He saw me!! Mama, he saw me!! He gave me a heart!"

The cute little girl continues to freak out, making me worry slightly that she might just explode, as the float stops and the guys climb down, getting ready to perform.

There was some benefit to getting here so early. The performances are all directly in front of me (and this little girl, who I feel some level of community with at the moment.)

The hosts finish up their introductory stuff about the float, the movie, and the group, and the Baby Shark music begins to play (soon transitioning into the Keep Swimmin' Through tune.)

I watch him intently, full of pride for him and his success with the group.

I know he can't entirely take this seriously. It's a song for a Baby Shark movie. It's not like it's the most serious of performances in the first place. But I also know that deep down he can't believe he's here either. He can't believe he's doing this. He'd probably agree to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star acapella if it meant he got to be in such a big event that few kpop groups have been in.

The group does a great job. Of course they do. None of them mess up the choreography, so I remain not pissed off. (Lol)

After the performance, they simply walk off next to the float, but my boyfriend makes sure to send a quick flying kiss to both me and the little Engene in front of me before leaving the main square.

"He saw me again!!" She squeals.

"That's great, honey!" Her mother says before whispering to me, "Do you know that boy or something? He seemed to know you?"

I laugh a bit.

"Yes, ma'am. He's my boyfriend."

"Oh my! Oh, you must be very proud of him."

"You have no idea."

The rest of the parade is uneventful, just nice entertainment.

When it ends, I say goodbye to the little Engene and her mom, and seek out a heated place as fast as possible. I'm finally able to find a store nearby that is both open and not too busy. I wait in that store until my boyfriend is released from his duties and able to text me where to find him.

When I finally do leave and find him, he hugs me tighter than usual and holds on longer than usual.

"Are you alright?" I ask, slightly concerned.

"So cold. You're so warm."

I laugh, though I understand. I have to pry him off of me, taking a second to kiss his cold lips.

"You guys did great. Was it fun?"

"Yeah, it was. Less fun though and more just... just a really crazy experience."

"I bet. Did you see a lot of Engenes throughout the parade?"

"Yeah! A lot more than I expected. They really showed out. That little girl in front of you was adorable."

"You're her bias, and I think your heart and kiss made her entire day. Month. Life, possibly."

"Well, I wouldn't have seen her and made her entire life if it wasn't for you."

He takes my hands and pulls me close to him, bringing his face near to mine.

"It really is all thanks to me, isn't it? Technically, maybe /I/ made her entire life. You were just the tool."

"Mhm, mhm. Sure..." He trails off, pressing his lips into mine in a much deeper way than the short kiss earlier.

I feel a warmth run through my body, like the warmth of his kiss is being injected into my veins.

He cuts it off suddenly, staying close enough for his lips to still brush against mine. We utter a sentence each before resuming the kiss.

"Thank you for coming and standing out in the cold just for me."

"Baby, I'm so proud of you."

[babyfairy]

here’s a much needed life updates post! even though generally speaking not a whole lot has happened lol

life has been pretty difficult since i lost my grandpa truthfully. it’s been a lot of struggling since then. lately in particular (as in the last few months) i’ve been struggling mentally more than ever. i think im going through one of those really painful transitional/growth periods (which figures, it’s about time for my saturn return) but i also think i am neurodivergent in some way? as in im like 99.99999% sure i am neurodivergent. i can’t think of any other explanation for the way my brain works and for the way i am struggling.

it’s weird because i have a lot of guilt about exploring the idea of possibly being neurodivergent. i’ve been talking with my doctor about it and every time we’re done talking i feel like im a liar or that im manipulating her or others into believing i could be neurodivergent in order to have an excuse for just not being a good person, friend, daughter, sister etc. i’ve been talking with her about OCD specifically. there are a lot of things im learning about OCD that i relate to and that have been completely taking over my life since the death of my grandfather. but i also relate to a lot of the traits of autism, so truthfully i don’t really know what’s going on and not knowing has been isolating and sort of difficult and scary. i have this intense need to know what’s “wrong” with me or why i act/think/feel the way i do. i think that in and of itself is a symptom but i’ve always been that way. i think i have trouble relinquishing control. and lately i just feel very out of control. my work, friendships, family life, self esteem, and everything all just feel extremely unstable lmao and i know the primary reason is me. because i’m always bracing for the next terrible thing to happen and i’m always worried about ruining everything or hurting someone or i don’t even know what. i worry every moment that i am awake.

i’ve been adjusting my meds under the advice of my doctor and a psychiatrist and im trying to get back into therapy but god is it intimidating lol! i don’t know why! i think the thought of starting all over with a new therapist just scares me a lot. i know i have to do it though because i can’t manage this on my own anymore at all. and i have no idea how to make it any better or manage my stress. so physically and mentally im doing really poorly. i think maybe worse than ever. but i’m alive lol and i’m trying to get back to a point where i feel ok and not so paranoid and distressed all the time. im just trapped in this horrible cycle. it’s really frustrating. and i just want to understand why but i don’t for now and i have to be ok with that.

it isn’t all bad though lol and i do have things to look forward to. im trying my best to build and deepen new relationships so i feel less isolated. being agoraphobic in your early 20s really does a number on your social life!!! i managed to get beyoncé tickets and im planning on flying to visit some of my closest friends later this year. so i have things to look forward to and that helps keep me going on the days where i just want to give up. it’s hard 😅 but hopefully it won’t be this hard for too much longer and i’ll be able to look back on this time period and feel proud of myself for pushing past it. because right now truthfully i just feel ashamed and sad most of the time. i think shame and guilt are like my primary emotions lol. and just general tiredness. but i’m trying my best to claw my way out of it

[shadeslayer]

Would you be willing to talk about the inspiration for you sinti, shunti, kanunuk, & nunni designs? They're really cool!

absolutely !!! :D i usually have pretty explicit stuff that im referencing or am inspired by so im always happy to share <3

*ramble incoming*

[the dr pepper cans are how you know im a real southern usa babe. earlier today there was 5 empty cans in a row until i put them in the recycle bin]

i take a Lot out of the book "sun circles and human hands: the southeastern indians - art and industry" (2001 edition, not the 1957 one) which i have a physical copy of and i have sticky notes tabbing out out and also annotated highlighting every mention of the chickasaw and of sites where i know the chickasaw [or our ancestors, like the chicaza and other early mississippian/SE ntv cultures] so i can reference stuff i know would be from us, but i also take inspiration from all the designs in it because we were all a part of an interconnected cultural network of art

if you are from a tribe that would be from mississippian culture or the southeastern ceremonial complex/southeastern cult as it used to be called, or you know your people wouldve come from places within that like spiro or moundville, and you want to bring more native styling into your art this is THEEE book i would recommend. it is insanely useful. i cant vouch 100% for the text of it, and the second half is mostly kinda grainy b&w scanned photos of pottery and other items lmao, but the first half has lineart depictions OF designs found, with the attribution for the site they were found at. it is a Massive wealth of symbols and style and has been the best thing for wanting to study and emulate SE ndn art. for real i lent a copy to my grandma and then couldnt find where it was and i had to just order a new copy bc i use it so damn much

like i would post pages of it, and before i bought it i survived off the pinterest pics of scanned pages, but i cannot say enough just buy the book and look through it bc its just perfect its so useful. just posting a few pages doesnt do any justice to the wealth of style and art in it. ive tried to make myself some mock style/symbol guides from it, but even those fail to capture the variety of stuff in there and its why i still have it on hand for reference bc every time i get stumped theres so many ideas in there

but ok . book rec rant over (partly.)

i had done sinti homma, the red snake earlier, and i wanted to do a little motley of other simple transparent animals to go with it. so i did! ive got a few different animals that i played with doing, but a lot of them ended up veering too much off of the more hardline ntv style i wanted to do, and the others didnt fit the guideline i had made - i wanted them all to have a pointed tail that pointed to some corner of the frame, and curl around in the square a bit to have more of a sense of motion. i was thinking deer, turtle, spider... but none of those really fit that. so i flipped thru SC&HH for some ideas and came up with some :3

the bottom left one on the first pic there gave me a good idea of what to do with a rat tail, and on the bottom right of that same pic is the Fattest fucking fish and i lifted a lot of that design to use for my fish (and while we're here, the rattler tails on the top right of that pic were what i used for sinti hommas tail), and the bottom left on the second pic gave me the idea for the lizards legs/feet shape, and then i used the chickasaw vocab flashcards of animals to think of animal ideas and so i used the pinti from there to jump me off into doing a rat

theyre all named after the chickasaw words - sinti (snake), shunti (rat/rodent), kanunuk (lizard, specifically green striped lizard, which is why i made it green with stripes lol), nunni (fish) . i use the chickasaw dictionary webpage a lot these days though i should use my dictionary copies more bc they use the spelling style i dont prefer lol

i also want to do maybe a sort of pop art style big print of them, like repeated with different colors behind them? and/or them in a medicine wheel? but those are still wip so we shall see!

[charaofthedead]

ITS D O N E

I WAMMIE VON WAMMIE PRESENT MY NEW AU

now i know what your thinking ... wammie what in the ultimate grilled cheese are you talking about?! ok so ill explain the origins of this.

so one day i was watching an undertale cringe cop re-living the early days of the fandom with my boyfriend when i saw a woman sans and i had a brain blast and ran to ms paint and drew what isaw in my head and then i drew a chara n marph and then i drew a frisk then a papyrus then a flowey then an alphys but i decided to line, rework and color the first 4 but while i drew and lined i was listening to an old song from my childhood days .. lil johns get low and then i had an idea why not make the au about things i had when growing up and then listened to another song called oh oh oh sexy vampire and then transparent soul (the song) and more and more and i just let my imagination loose on this one! i really hope y'all enjoy what i have so far i really let my autistic obsessions came out on this one

plot summary

the aftermath of a world where everyone came together to fight off and end a genocide route a reward is given to those who fought a choice is given a choice is made to keep the underground safe it must be hidden.

sans

MOTHERLY LOVE

so yes sans is a girl i wont explain in lore reasons why but just know it was cuz of sans fan girls potentially LMAO this sans is quite different from your typical sans she enjoys ice fishing she loves to tinker with things and is even a professional gunsmith shes also a bit of an artist doing graffiti so shes more MOTIVATED than a normal sans but their still lazy but lazy with a mischievous child to take care of aka chara yes in this world chara is sans'es kid this does have lore explanation but i wont say it for now abiltys:{redacted]

chara an marph

DORKS

chara is strange to cuz im not sure what they are i mean i like to think their a bizarre vampire but also more of a devil this chara loves to cause may/ham cuz their a they/them who was revived 8 years ago and was taken in by sans the one who gave them life chara is of course and oddball creature of chaos but chara is also righteous and has a heart of gold their also a mega lameo dork

chara loves to spend time i with their best friend marph! they love to draw they think cars are super cool they also have a shared interest with sans and that's guns and art and they both love animation but chara hates ice fishing but still goes to spend time with their mamma

(also eyes may change color depending on mood idk)

abiltys:{redacted]

nickname:rose

now marph is marph he is a box who marphs around he is just a lil guy where he comes from no one really knows marph loves chara their best pals and they like to run around and mess with people marph loves pizza its their absolute favorite! marph can also store items he has infinite space within his box self

frisk

GAY

ok so frisk is also an oddball they LOVE vampires to quote their favorite son "Oh oh oh sexy vampire I'm falling in love ..So just bite me baby And drink all my blood (oh yeah) Sexy vampire I'm falling in love with you" as you can see frisk dresses a bit oddly well see i was trying to make them as 2009 internet fashion as possible while adhering to my own design philosophy they look fine but it may be remade but its fine for now but any way frisk is also a big dork nerding out about sonic or invader zim writing fanfics drawing ship art of their favorite ships they also love old technology and their really good at DDR their a total nerd who wont apologize for being them self and encourages others to be them self too well along as it doesn't hurt anyone this frisk is a pacifist to a point they will defend them self abiltys:metal hand

SNOWED UP TOWN

snowed up town is like snowed inn but bigger more advanced more monsters more buildings some with sans'es graffiti on them and then you have the train on the save roof i just think its neat it shows how big this underground is

SNOWED UNDERCITY

snowed undercity is a big downtown area of snowed up town its like an old 80s anime kinda city pop place lots going on never a dull moment there the light's, the music, the coziness the new have to get ridge leading to it it's the only way to get there and yes its by train and then below you have the void stream of hope and dreams (temp name maybe) it is bottomless and doesn't to feel like water and yet you can float if you have hope

THE RAIL RUINS

the ruins of a long lost rail yard..? but why does it have a sky? how are the fields so long and unraveling how does it have life...truly a bizarre place as the train does not move and there are multiple cars filled with different items... monsters seem to live nicely here..why don't they just go through the door? the sense of hope hear is intoxicating the feeling of adventure is alive a sense of FUN is very alive here

MUSIC

sans's theme funny name cuz they a mamma who wanna protect their family

i would like to say that i used a melody from a song i like in the first half its from a klaatu song called were off you know and i used a zelda song too, song of storms too

extra art i did

you may draw these characters if you wish there will be more designs soon i h o p e

im unsure if this should be a comic or not or maybe it should be something else im unsure i have alot of ideas for it!

[enlighten3d]

so my second ask lmao. random oc things for i thought about them yesterday in class for too long tehehee

-Janette ended up in the city and lived with Josh for like, a couple months while she was getting settled and during that time she gave herself a buzzcut and fucked up (its ok she got a proper one later ajdhsk)

-Janette drunk a LOT of alcohol in her late twenties/early 30’s when she was in the city and now she is very careful about how much she drinks

-Josh tried embroidery and failed miserably (i’m projecting i can’t do embroidery/silly)

-Adele tried stand up comedy ONCE. since her friends dared her too. did not go well

Also. you said yesterday that you thought about c!adele and o!adele switching places and i have some thoughts on thaaat

Basically C!Adele would be mostly confused on why janette isn’t trying to kill her and even more confused when josh is like ‘hiii <3’ and gives her a hug like a normal one. not a awkward on both sides hug.

And O!Adele she would be STRUGGLING. She’d just keep asking ‘what did I do??’ which wouldn’t make any of the situations she ends up in any better andgsjhd

hi lark from a week ago;; thank you for the random oc things

janette with a buzzcut..... thats insane /pos. also janette and josh roommates ??? yo ?? 0: djfjd

yeah, rhats real of her... shes Learnt...

HE FAILED;; oh i feel bad for him bcs hes just a bit silly.. hed feel absolutely horrible about being bad at it and;; i hate rhat nothing sbout josh can ever be not sad (/silly and /pos actually. i love him but his suffering is delicious)

OH MY GODS ADELE DOING STANDUP. THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE AUDJDJZJDFHS. shed be one of those standup people thst had the punchljnrs to alll their joked be violence and/or insanely convoluted to the point where theyre not even funny shfndj (to me at least)

!! oh ive thought SO much abt this too actually..

.. honestly. honestly. 'I'm a Serial Killer Who Ended Up in an Alternate Universe Where People Love Me?' (dont know if shes actually necessarily a serial killer; it just Fits). yeah thats adele but the thing is that THIS SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE ISEKAI WEB/LIGHT NOVELS THAT HAVE WAYYYYY TOO LONG TKTLES WJDJKXDJSK im noy wrong.. but also fr, she better ruin thst relationship ad fast as possible; c!adele does NOT deserve o!josh and o!janette (actually she doesnt deserve their c! counterpsrts eother, esp josh..)

NOOO O!ADELE.. THATS JUST SAD MATE. FUCKING SAD. "what did i do though??" IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SHES TRUING TO MANIPULATE NOOOOOO. NO. NO. THATS SO FUCKED UP BCS SHE SJUST CONFISED BUT HER PARTNERS AND LITERALLY EVERYONE HATES HER AND SHE DOESNT KNOW WHH.. (o!adele is definitely not a good person; she is a cop (im assuming thst doeent change? if it does, then i take this wjole statement back). but shes not WHATEVER THE FUCK C!ADELE OS...). no thsts not okay aaaaaa (/pos to all of this ahfjsjfk)

;;;;;;;;

[levmada]

ok this has been bothering me for ages and i wanna talk about it but no one i know irl wants to hear me rant about levi so here i am

so here's my question: can levi read???

like, there probably weren't any books around when he was little, right? do you think kuchel would have managed to get a pen and paper to teach him how to read/write or was she too focused on keeping them both alive? did kenny teach him? can KENNY read? how high are the illiteracy rates in AoT? could furlan or isabel have taught him? did erwin teach him or was levi too stubborn to admit it to him? maybe hange taught him? i mean, i bet all the commanding officers have to know how to read and write, but have we ever seen levi read anything??? i'm so curious to hear your headcanons (also sorry for the million questions lol)

i AM a doctorate holder of aot lore i am happy to answer.

tldr: yes levi can read.

the underground is like. the pinnacle of poverty. you would NOT have any scholars or ppl of even minimal education down there bc EVERYONE is simply trying to stay alive. like they don’t even have sunlight. reading and education doesn’t even appear on the average citizen’s list of priorities.

similarly, i doubt kuchel could even afford proper toys for levi to play with. not even a cradle for when he was a baby, unless the other women chipped in as an act of kindness maybe. more likely he had woodchips or beads from old jewelry… or maybe some of his babysitters or kuchel let him do their makeup and vice versa okay im getting off track

seeing how kenny got aboveground, and w his later role as captain of the secret MP squad, he probably learned how to read and write at some point. it can be deduced that kenny and kuchel also grew up underground, so they probably didn’t get schooling themselves either.

(i mean grandpa ackerman is KENNY’S grandfather. so for three generations at least, levi’s portion of the ackerman family has been underground after fleeing persecution. where mikasa’s side fled to the countryside. i’m getting off track again.)

kenny had gone aboveground by the time he found levi. maybe he did know by that point, but it would’ve been pointless to teach levi since that had nothing to do with survival. i think it’s more likely he taught levi the bare minimum of bookkeeping / math tho. the basics.

seeing how aot is set in a standard medieval setting, there is an obvious division of class from nobles to farmers and menial labor jobs, etc. becoming a soldier is encouraged as far as the garrison and MP are concerned even. so there’s no way literacy rates (as far as before they found the sea and technology drastically changed) are high at all. below average. i feel like it’s a privilege to know how to read or write, and if you live in Sina you’re much more likely to learn than if you lived in rural wall Maria for example.

isabel and furlan were born in the underground too. it seems like furlan would be good with numbers and record keeping (they ran a criminal enterprise after all), but i don’t think any of them had any literacy.

it’s canon now that erwin taught levi things (in a previous post i made i referenced the source) and specifically classroom stuff levi didn’t understand. so: reading and writing included. that said i don’t think levi trusted hange enough to admit it to them or ask for help at that point.

if you rank as at least a squad leader, reading and writing has to be mandatory. levi is the SECOND MOST IMPORTANT officer so he must know how (like i said, it’s canon erwin taught him). at least once levi was promoted to squad leader. anyway lmao we’ve seen levi read lots of stuff like the newspaper and wanted poster in s3p1 with the drawing of his face + opening the book in the basement in s3p2. in s4p2 in the forest, he read the report from the two messenger scouts. actually as early as the ilse langar(?spelling) ova, when they discovered her body, i think he took out the journal and opened it before hange so. yes definitely.

[narwhalandchill]

been sitting on the subject of like. general vague dissatisfaction i have with the handling of recent hsr writing and after reading a comment on reddit along similar lines im realizing how hoyo kinda just? overplayed their hand with the HCQ lore?

like they leaned way too hard into the "hehehe tune in maybe youll learn the truth THIS time~ SIKE its still vague and inconclusive as shit!!!!" and trying to tease and wink and nod to extend the shelf life of the initial hype far too much to the point where the 'promise' of new HCQ content doesnt even like... really excite me as much as it just makes me pre-emptively irritated bc i genuinely dont know if theyre just gonna keep on dodging the big questions bc uhhhhhhhhh reasons!!!

its not like we havent gotten SOME answers, true, like bailu = baiheng but post dan fengs terrible horrible no good DNA soup more or less confirmed Was pretty huge but its still like. that mission still left more questions unanswered than it did answer them and it just feels frustrating when it feels the ratio of questions answered and questions unanswered hasnt changed much at all since 1.0 at least when it comes to the big lore stuff

like unironically imo if they didnt want to reveal dan hengs past or answer HCQ questions upfront and do the characters involved justice this early on they shouldve left luofu as like. the 3rd or 4th world we encounter and just foreshadowed shit much more gradually. which probably wouldve resulted in the entire luofu arc being way better too lmao. but they just had to sell DHIL asap so now dan hengs pivotal character moment is pretty much forever sullied by the writing and pacing failing both him and the larger HCQ & luofu plotline and thats just. Unfortunate

again its not like shits unwatchable or completely terrible it just. fell short. and when your gameplay loop is by default more simplistic and barebones than something like genshin factors like the story content each patch should really be as polished as possible and not... this. its ok to build up with less stakes arcs in between! spend time expanding the express gang dynamics with wacky space shenanigans! explore the setting! and then once the stakes have had the time to be established and everythings lining up thats the time for a major arc bc imho its better they leave the subject completely unexplored than rush things and feature it in a subpar manner like this

like. man. its really just that im more disappointed and sad than angry tbh.

[joysmercer]

misc six observations:

the pantages is the most gorgeous theater i’ve ever been in (not that i’ve been in many but u know)

it’s also along the walk of fame and kirsten chenoweth’s star is right by the door (lena horne's is just across the street)

they didn’t advertise my show as accessible but it was open-captioned and asl-interpreted (but it looks like both things were only viewable to ppl seated on the left side)

an old couple next to me were trying to figure out which “chopin composition” the pre-show music was? (they’re all piano covers of pop songs) v confused

the “queen bios” in the playbill list aragon’s interests as “religion, sewing, dancing, and a bit more religion”, boleyn’s says she’s remembered for “headlessness”. parr’s talks about her friendship w mary and that her mom was LIW to some previous wives, but makes no mention of the fact that aragon was her godmother(/namesake) or that she married seymour’s brother

the minute greensleeves started playing, people started cheering. it was so fun

khaila was born to play aragon that's all im saying. literally nonstop applause until the dluh intro

storm's boleyn tiptoed that line between "idk what's going on" and "smart and cunning" so so well

cleves did the ponytail-pull instead of seymour? idk if this is a recent change but it has Interesting implications characterization-wise lmao also it was just funny because olivia had to significantly reach up to get to courtney's hair

speaking of which, both nat and cmack's new wigs look a lot fancier than their old ones somehow

im pretty sure nmp actually started crying during hos (which, even though i've heard her sing it a million times, was every bit as beautiful as i thought it would be)

hoh live is an Experience in the best way, they just looked like they were having the best time bouncing around the stage

the audience member picked for get down was so good/confident olivia cheered for her the entire time instead of doing the "this is my song" bit after shfghjkl

get down is already such a lively song but olivia's version amps it up even more like i was in stitches during the intro and the entire audience was fired up by the end

the k-howard roast didnt get as many laughs as it should've :// i felt so bad for courtney because she delivered those lines flawlessly

and then loud and immediate applause after aywd??? L audience tbh

(also interesting note – the asl interpreter didn’t sign for applause after the song like she did for all the others)

natalie's "I DIED" was every bit as amazing as all the audios. also she basically chased khaila offstage while saying that line sdkf

i think gabriela is my new favorite parr im so obsessed w her take on idnyl and her acting (even in the background) is impeccable

there were some obvious mic issues – both cmack and storm were a bit quieter than everyone else and khaila was way louder; all three of them left the stage at various points for unknown reasons (but there wasn't a show stop and i dont think most people noticed someone missing)

this cast's chemistry was i n s a n e like the little interactions and they way they reacted to each other plus the harmonies…10/10 no notes

speaking of which. there was a really sweet moment toward the end of idnyl ("why should i tell that story?") where aragon puts her hand on howard's knee comfortingly

standing ovation after six!!! idk if this is a regular occurrence but they bowed an extra time because of all the clapping lol

except then people started leaving, so courtney had to start the megasix early and you could barely hear her over the audience

but it was ok cuz people stayed on their feet throughout the megasix too and again the girls took a really long time leaving the stage after bc the cheers kept getting louder!!!

tldr i had the BEST time and if the tickets weren’t so expensive id go again and again <3

[tunabesimpin]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- I finally got to write this!!!!

You have no idea how excited I am for this event Tuna!

I’m always going to throw Kei into these kinds of events. Just another excuse for me to put him in more outfits.

For this event I can see Kei bringing Epel along for the SeaSide Quest. “Uncle” and “Nephew” bonding time, you know? It’s funny to think about, because Kei was actually just mentioning it in passing when talking to the first year gang and Epel just instantly asked him if he could join. “KEI PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR PLUS ONE! Vil is trying to make me come to the Film Studies club after school. And I am not in the mood to wear some frilly costumes! This would be the perfect excuse! PLEASE!”

Kei just responded with a simple thumbs up lmao.

Now for what he’ll be doing in this event, she’s going to try out some Beach Volleyball. The last time Kei  ever played was at the age of 1o…she got hit with the ball and had to go home early. Now she can finally redeem her childhood self!

Now for her swimsuit reference!(It’s from a long time ago)

Rook bought it for Kei after she realized she had nothing to wear for the event.(Believe it or not Kei loves a lot of blues. Purples too but this isn’t about them😒)

Hopefully this was good enough! Congrats on 800+ followers Tuna! 

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

--- Epel was so hyped for this party, so when he arrived and saw Vil resting on the sideline he was flabbergasted. Kei chuckled "Apparently not enough club members were planning to attend, I was going to warn you but you seemed so excited." Epel frowned "Nooo I thought I'd be able to just be myself on this trip now ugh..." Kei patted Epels back trying to comfort the poor guy "Don't you worry about it, Vils too busy keeping his skin protected. Let's go all out today!"

Epel couldn't help but glance at Vil throughout the day, wondering if he'd get scolded in one way or another. Kei wanted this to be a fun time, so it was time for e a distraction. She motioned to the volleyball court "Say why don't you teach me how to play? You've got some sport prowess from your club right?" Epel borrowed an extra ball, easing up a bit more. he started by showing Kei the basic moves and hand positions. The two were able to get a rhythm goin, tossing the ball back and forth.

Kei was filled with confidence, getting more used to receiving and avoiding getting hit so he confidently asked "Alright what a bout an actual game now?" Epel peeked towards Vil, but Kei's face was too bright to say no to. So the two joined in the next game. With how competitive things were getting, Epel was able to let loose, at one point even yelling out "Eat them apples ya shmucks!" Unfortunately, Vil had come closer to see the game, giving a look of disappointment. Epel froze, but became shocked at Vils next words "You potatoes have no form, as Pomefiore students, strike with grace and power!" Vil swapped out with someone on the opposite team, and demonstrated a beautiful serve. Epel gave a smirk and began to get back into gear, it was his turn to win! ---

Pls Keis swimsuit is so pretty i love the tie witht he ruffled bottom!!! the handibag too! <3 Poor Epel tho just wanted to get away from Vil but couldnt TVT at least it ended up a fun time!!! Lolol i also struggled tryna think of how epel would use his dialect so it might sound silly there;; Thank you for the congrats !!! >V< I hope this was ok and im so glad you could join the event!!!

[fetabathwater]

so is amma a changeling/dopplerganger? or is she actually a tiefling? and like how old is she did she study away was she always in the cult like sorry im really interested in her... bewitched me body and soul etc

okay i rambled and took like 4 days to answer this so UNDER THE CUT

she is a tieflingggggg and that's what she's sticking with! if/when she does 'change shape' or w/e its a uhhh . spell. i forgot the name of it. disguise shape spell LMAO. but its only got a handful of variations compared to like. the mask of the shapeshifter yknow. okay so my like concept of amma and the winding water is that when "amity the first" is sent to investigate some like bhaalist pop up, bc its been a while since theyve been active but hey you cant trust a bhaalist. the first however convinces these like weeping devoted weirdo bhaalists that shes one of them, dives into the water and retrieves a babe from the like long dead watery remains of bhaal, but it's not really a child. like just some sort of . ok im losing words i was gonna say jellybean LOL but like equivalent of holding a very warm piece of light in hand. like divinity. and it's the weirdest thing for the first because bhaal literally wrecked personal havoc for a good few hundred years, pre and post death, and he's technically still dead by this point too when like they shouldn't be finding anymore spawn really popping up (or at least ones with enough divinity to warrant watching over in case of death and then resurrection of father dearest). but the divinity is warm and small and sweet, nothing like what the first had experienced with the crisis. and when the first like breaks through the surface of the river with a child pulled from bhaal's remains, it more than anything puts a good amount of fear back into them.

because the gods are Very Real, still, apparently, despite the spellplague and troubles causing all kinds of havoc around them. the first gets to the shore with this child who is not a child but is all at once, just a formation of river remains, bone, blood, weeds.

but this not-child opens its eyes and looks at her and as it grows, the first starts to notice it resembles her. not completely, there are some things that even the weirdness but also lack of magic can't replace when someone is created from their father's bones. yet horns grow, and a tail, and the child is a tiefling, by all accounts. the child is kind of hers.

as for like. how amma gets Educated��� and shizz, raised by the first and primistresses. introduced to maiming biting killing etc. definitely comes into her magic girl moment early as well, divine soul and all that (but evul!). amma is a weird quiet kid, takes well to like. everything outside the bhaalist attempts to foster their perfect little bhaalspawn considering it failed the last few times. attends like idk random ass colleges or like academies for one yr or smth. just randomly appears in the back of a class, learns, leaves. i would think it would be hilarious if she was at blackstaff academy in neverwinter and gale was there too at some point LMAO like lets start that rivalry off early. as far as like 'adopted' by another family goes, that did happen kind of, but she was also introduced to other bhaalist peers like torlin silvershield (who assisted with bringing back bhaal rip to gorions ward ig), thalamra vanthampur (funded the dead three when elturel was pulled into the hells), nysene eomane, rillyn family and other mostly devil worshipping families because its baldurs gate. you can throw a stone and like not 3ft from you hit someone who rly shouldnt worship a dang devil or god like.

granted she's not living this upper city lifestyle - these people are coming to the lower city, her domain. not an assassin for hire, but like, easy to bait and intrigue. is Known™ to some people but like do they want to know about her? probably not. especially when they see her collection of preserved. idk. eyeballs? spleens? choose a body part?

but amma is mostly just idling her and studying and picking up skills around the place, doing some sightseeing, maybe some unfortunate stabbing. the first kind of does try to get her into like. a family or two while amma is a wee child but there are uncontrollable urges and then combined with the blend of a child's emotional reaction and sharp objects and loud noises, it just becomes best for this kid to not be fostered. THERE WERE GOOD TIMES but there were also more bad than good. which is unfortunate and the first adds it to a long list of regrets. but amma pretty much starts going to these places and doing these things in her teens, well until what she remembers as like her late 20s early 30s, before returning to the temple of bhaal in baldurs gate. taking over. you come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding (has no daughter). freshly slaughtered class blood all over her and then like takes control of the bhaalist temple.

fucks around. finds out. in her downtime honestly still finds herself picking up books and whatever - debates attending lectures and the like at public forums. goes to a museum. looks at the sculptures. uses one for a weapon. moves on. culture !

[firelord-frowny]

Frowny, Frowny! What are these weird bugs that came in my building en masse and DIED?!

There were literally so many! This was just one part of one corner! (submission from @itsmerandi)

______________________

OK THESE ARE MY LITERAL LEAST FAVORITE ARTHROPOD ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND I WILL TELL! YOU! WHY!

These are called ~european chafer beetles.~ emphasis on the ~european~. They're a VERY invasive species, and look like smaller versions of a native and not NEARLY as annoying species, the may/june beetle.

european chafer beetles emerge from underground every year in late june/early july IN MASSIVE NUMBERS. like, they're only slightly less numerous than the 17 year cicadas. (ok thats probably a BIT of an exaggeration, but not by much.) They're strictly nocturnal, and are usually well hidden all day, and then come out at night where they gather in large numbers around light sources. they're also TERRIBLE fliers and will just fuckin bump and bang and crash into everything everywhere.

Now lemme tell you why i hate these pieces of shit. i HATE THEM and imma TELL YOU WHYYYYYYYYY oh my GOD!!!

Imagine: I'm like 7 years old. Cute as a button. Frolicking around a Marshalls while my mommy shops. I'm wearing my favorite lil red pants that are Way Too Tight because i've outgrown them but they're my favorites so i crammed myself into them anyway.

As i'm frolicking, carefree and Not At All Traumatized, I feel something itchy against the back of my right knee. Something's stuck in my pant leg! I'm like, oh, it's probably a twig, or a crumb, or something completely non-disturbing. right? RIGHT?

So i'm trying to get this itchy thing out of my pants and i literally just shove my whole arm down the back of my pants lmaooo and i'm walking around looking like a fucking doofus. i spent like 5 minutes trying to cram my hand down far enough to reach whatever was in my pants.

Eventually, I could feel it fall down and out my pant leg! So i'm like, oh yay! lemme see what it was!

AND IT WAS A FUCKING EUROPEAN CHAFER BEETLE, RANDI!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE WAS A FUCKING DEAD BEETLE SQUISHED AGAINST MY LEG IN MY FAVORITE FUCKING RED PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

randi. i. fucking. SCREAMED!!!!! and BURST into tears! and my mom is all, wtf!!!! and i'm pointing at this fucking beetle on the floor like "IT WAS IN MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS" and i cried and cried and cried oh my god i was SOOOOO DISTURBED!!!!

but oh, oh wouldnt it be SO NICE if the story ended there???

WELL IT DOESN'T. IT DOESN'T END THERE, RANDI!!!! IT DOESN'T! END! THERE!

Because ya know what? YA KNOW WHAT???

every. single. summer. for the next TEN YEARS!!!!!! at least ONE european chafer beetle would somehow find its way inside my clothes while i was wearing them! and i had the EXACT SAME reaction every single time! Scream and immediately burst into tears!!!!

the other two Worst Incidents i can clearly remember happened in the summers between 10th and 11th grades.

10th grade: My fam is out fishing on my dead uncles boat! we finish up the fishing trip, dock the boat at the marina, and then my mom and i went to go wait in the lil indoor area while my dad and brother cleaned the fish. the indoor area is a nice comfy lil place with couches and a pretty fish tank annnd im pretty sure i was spinning around in circles and enjoying the wide open space lmao im just being an overgrown kid, spinning around having a grand ol time. I decided to take off my lil jacket and swing it around while i was spinning because idk it just seemed like a goddamn fun thing to do!

RANDI!!!! as i took hold of the edge of my jacket to take it off, i felt my thumb touch something round and smooth and i just knew. i KNEW!!!! i KNEW what it was before i even saw it! and i SCREAMED and started crying and i flung my whole jacket off and threw it across the room and my mom is all WTF HAPPENED??? and i tell her it was a beetle! and she's like, no it wasn't! there's no beetle! and im like YES THERE IS!!! and sure efuckingnough, my mom goes over to examine my jacket and theres a FUCKING BEETLE INSIDE IT!!!! :( :( :(

the 11th (or maybe 12th? idk) grade incident happened on 4th of July when i went with ebone to the lil firework celebration in her neighborhood! by this time, i was WELL AWARE of the beetle threat, and i was hypervigilant and paranoid all night because i was wearing a cute lil strapless sundress and there were just SOOOO MANY WAYS a beetle could get inside it if it wanted to! so i was constantly like, hugging my arms real close to my chest to try to block any beetles from getting in, and/or i would sorta grab the bottom of my dress to sorta hold it tight against my legs so there was no room for any fuckin intruders.

then somehow????????? we wound up walking back to her place in nearly pitch black darkness through a forest???? i dont remember how or why that happened lmfao but the only light was a dim lil rinky dink cell phone light a la 2009 motorola razor lmaoooo and the whole time im like please god PLEASE GOD do NOT LET ME RUN INTO ANY BEETLES!!!!

and i was sooooo sure i'd escaped, randi. i was SO POSITIVE that i made it unscathed!

fast forward to after my mamma picks me up and im back at home. i gotta pee so i go to the bathroom. hike up my dress.

and feel against my fingers the grotesquely smooth and disturbingly flexible elytra of my most soulless and hideous enemy, the monstrosity that is the European Chafer Beetle. 😡Cue the screaming and crying.

TO THIS VERY DAY, as soon as i see one of those lil pieces of shit when im outside at night, i take my ass in the house RIGHT QUICK. i hate them. I HATE THEM OH MY GODDDDDDD! theyre not even supposed to BEEEEEE HEEERRREEEEE!!!!!!! WHYYYY DID THEY TERRORIZE ME SO!!!! I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO THEM! I'M A BUG LOVER! I LOVE BUGS! I DIDN'T DESERVE THEIR WRATH!!!!

but yeah, they're called european chafer beetles lmao.

[flockofdoves]

i think its important to retain compassion and make sure when i actually talk to her i am open to listening to whatever she has to say. obviously thats important even just on purely a level of wanting communication to go well and for her to be receptive to solutions. but also of course there needs to be space kept for me and my gf to vent our frustration on our own time bc just bc pretty much almost everyone can always have some sort of personal justification for why they did something within their constricted circumstances obviously that doesn't mean people hurt by that dont still have reasons to be upset or resent the situation. and i'm trying to be good and healthy in how i balance these two things. 

i'm not always the best at conversations i can be a bit conflict avoidant and i have given up on talking about any of this for a while after my last half assed attempts at communication about this stuff failed (even if i think to be fair to myself some of it very clearly goes beyond what i'd imagine the scope of any misalignment of expectations from past experiences in different living situations could cause. like sure ok maybe you've used other peoples dishes in the past but i cant imagine it takes communication (which i did w this actually!) to know that if you've then let those dishes mold for a month throwing out that persons dishes after they ask you to wash them after they see them outside is not an acceptable next step) but i’m really trying to expend the effort to be better at communicating

but every time i’ve tried she avoids it somehow. and i keep trying harder in more direct but still not aggressive ways and i’m sure theres still more i could do but its just so so frustrating having it continue on this way. 

i feel like theres no space for me to even healthily balance my frustration with not letting that boil into any actual opportunity to talk because its just like a constant situation of having to hope that she’ll actually not avoid things this time and i need to emotionally prep myself for conversation so that i won’t unproductively just come across as angry (or just like. so shaky i cant talk lol) and because i’m just like fucking constantly having to put myself in that state theres not even a healthy space to even be properly mad during me and my gfs time when shes not around

i’m just so so so sick of this i’m so constantly stressed and sad about all of this this is the worst roommate situation i’ve ever been in even when just like. in fun conversations before she was avoiding us and that i still overhear w her friends i really enjoy my roommate. like thats really saying something when i’ve had a homophobic passive aggressive roommate before and a roommate that always turned the thermostat up to 90 degrees!!! but this is still (even after her wayyyy lowballing the utility bills “at their worst” looking back lmao) like the cheapest place i’ve seen around here with this fucking housing crisis happening around my college and at this point itd literally be too late to find anything good for when this lease ends i don’t know what to fucking do i was panicking about housing this time last year and it felt like it might fall through at like any moment once we did secure this apartment last august and then like so soon after that everything started to gradually get more and more stressful as more things happened with our roommate so its been like a fucking year of housing stress about stuff but we didn’t even start early bc it cost so much to furnish this place so our room wasnt just so deeply stressful to live in with the amount of unpacked boxes for months that we only just finally had all the furniture and storage to actually put away that we kept being like well i’m sure if we just communicate better it can improve because we really want to keep living here and dont want to go through All That with apartment applications and moving again any time soon but also jesus christ what if it just doesnt fucking change im in fucking limbo