#ok i know this is long but.............man /4 years/ what did u expect

[bambiilooza]

HI I SAW UR DT17 RANT AND I AGREE SO HARD. i love gandra but i HATE fendra and the writers just genuinely did her so dirty (and im gonna say it. she was way more interesting as an antagonist). and re: gladstone and fethry, FUCKING YEAH. it makes me so fucking sad how fehtyr is treated in dt17 and the fact that its never properly acknowledged just makes it even worse :( THEY LEFT HIM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN FOR 4 YEARS???? ALONE??????? AND THEN GOT ANNOYED WHEN HE ASKED FOR THEIR COMPANY?!?!?! BE FR MAN!!!!! and while i'm on this topic, what ESPECIALLY stings is how donald dislikes both fethry and gladstone in '17. one of my fave things about the comics is the friendship between donald, fethry and gladstone. like sure, donald and gladstone have like a rivalry going on but they're still buddies at the end of the day!!! theyre FAMILY!!! and fethry is just straight up always pals with donald and gladstone. and yeah i feel like the absence of their friendship in '17 is such a missed opportunity espcially since we also have della in the show!!!! the cousin trio couldve upgraded to the cousin quartet but nooooo!!! anyway yeah the show's cast is too big. for a long-running comic series a cast of this size is fine because you can give each character a decent amount of spotlight, but for 3 seasons of an animated show it's less ideal

totally agree with you!!

this is also a badly structure rant

with fendra, u always know it's gonna become canon cuz it's a het ship that was introduced in one of the character's debut episode but the lack of build up is actually so lame. i like gandra and i like fenton but like their canon relationship just happens. and it's like oh i guess this is a thing now?

and we're expected to be a ll invested cuz gandra getting captured by FOWL and her working against them is supposed to be a plot point and cool i get what ur doing but also what? where is the build up?

and i liked her as a villain and she was actually an antagonist which is what makes her sudden flip so weird for me. we're welcoming her to be a part of our family!! um yea ok but she did help the guy that wants to end said family. she needs more screentime simple as.

sidenote: i also wish they focused on her hypocrisy more. 'i follow nobody' and she has worked for both mark beaks and FOWL. i get why and she has her reasons with needing the resources and stuff but that kind of hypocritical behavior in 'cool' ppl is smth i see a lot in ppl and i wish it was explored more. that's an interesting duality to her character.

and omg on gladstone and fethry. HOLY SHIT THEY DID THEM DIRTY. THEY ARE BARELY IN THE SHOW AND IT MAKES ME SAD.

yea i haven't seen the og show but have read the comics and i love them. they're really funny and don's dynamic with his cousins is great!! i hate the simplistic, actual hatred they gave donald towards gladstone and gladstone's characterisation makes a lot of ppl hate him - and i get why but i don't. and i hate that cuz he's a really fun, oringinal idea with the luck motif and they don't do anything substantial with him!!

and do not get me started on fethry. i love dt17 donald but when ppl call him the unproblematic one, i point to his treatment of fethry. dt17 fethry did NOTHING wrong and they LEFT HIM THE OCEAN I HATE THAT SO MUCH. AND THE ONES THAT LEARN THE LESSON ON ACCEPTANCE ARE THE CHILDREN NOT THE GUY HE GREW UP WITH AND THE OLD FUCK THAT SHOULD'VE KNOW BETTER

those two barely feel like family to the main characters and their inclusion in the picture in moonvasion is cute i wont lie. but i wih i'd seen more of it. like scrooge straight up HATES gladstone and fethry, why are those two included in his group of kids? i like that they are and i want them there but there is no build up.

they're supposed to be the huey and louie of the cousins but donald hates them? they're not a reference to the triplets like they were intending, and the intention makes sense and i like the idea, they're JUST there. honestly gladstone and fethry can be seen as louie and huey if they didn't have a good relationship with their family. i think that's interesting too.

and i just wanna say i get why ppl dislike dt17 gladstone but i like him because 1) i think he's wasted potentional in the show 2) i like gladstone in general in the duckverse. his whole luck concept is fun and he's like a preppy kuzco. and 3) he has the mr peanut butter voice and that's realy funny to me

and finally, yea the cast size is insanely big and it feels like there's a new character every episode and like ik why. we wanna see new interprtations but like, they did not have enough time to give all of the characters enough screentime.

[euclydya]

Pls info dump about your system. I saw in your tag that you want to so consider this a free pass to do so I want to know all that ya want to share

HI!!!! SORRY YOUSENT THIS LIEK A WEEK AGO WE WERE WAITING 4 WHEN WE JAD ENOUGH ENERGY 2 INFODUMP JSISJDJFFNDJD OK OK UNDER THE CUT

WE ACTUALLY. ... DONT KNOW WEHRE 2 start Uhhhmmmm. hmmmm. OH MAYBE THE HEADSPACE!

ok SO the headspace changes DRASTICALLY like every few months or few weeks or so. Just a week ago it was a copy of the house we currently live in. We like,,, grew up in this house so it was Also our headspace for years as a kid and we had the vibe tht it was. The exact headspace frlm back then too bUT WE never did get to find out bc it changed AGAIN like a few days ago. smh. Now i think we're just above & outside of The Cave™™™™™ tht was discovered here earlier this year. WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING COOL! BECAUSE THAT MEANS:

The headspace survived the nuclear winter!!*

HOYL SHIT WE'RE IN THE MAIN HEADSPACE AGAIN LET'S GOOOOO <= has been stuck in Harry's headspace for the past half yearIEJFKDKFMC

[*Sometimes it just fucking gets Destroyed. Like... Semi permanently. As in, if it gets destroyed there is Very Little Chance we'll see that variation of our headspace AgainFHDJDKFKFJ and last we uhhjj Talked to anyone in the Main System, bc we are... TECHNICALLY A SUBSYSTEM! FJDJFJ, they were like Yeah no everything is fucking Destroyed <3. But that's not the case snymore ig???????]

SO w all this information actually if we rlly wanted we could probably make a decent map of the area. cuz if We jave this headspace back then we have Everythingggg it had in it back too & everything that it was connected to THAT'S NEAT WE MIGHT DO THAT!!

uhhjjj waht else. HMMM. i thuink our current front roster is neat TBH there's some guys active rn that we'd have never expected. like HI PHYS! WYD WHY R U HERE RN <3 QJAIWOSKSKDNCXN but it's fun !!!! i hope everyone innn our subsystem will fromt here at lEast once bc I Am Lov Collecting Informatión On Everyone <= Primarily fills out everyone's PK & Simply Plural descriptions. actually I think maybe everyone has fronted a sufficiently long enough time EXCEPT FOR HAND/EYE LIKE S I R GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TELL ME ABT YOURSELF BASTARD !! GJCJCKCKF all ik abt him is that He enjoys making Pokeblocks On Pokefarm. that is IT and that's NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION MY GUY but anyways.

i also think us Existing Here is so funny in itself like our asses rlly just got Possibly permanently isekai'd huh. like. like. Genuinely I don't know if our past mains r coming back at this point but that's FINE we already did the whole 96 stages of grief shit about it IF that be the case then SO be it Whatever there's pros to this life ig. like THIS body isn't on the verge of SUDDENLY DYING FOR NO REASON and also We have a cat. we have a cat!!!!! and a dog!!!!!! whaddahell!!!!!!!

there's lotsa fun shit here But there r also the Horrors. Like I PERSONALLY WOULD LOOVE TO EXIST with Out the Constant Paranoia And Delusions but IT *IS* PREFERABLE! OVER WHSTEVER THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH HARRY <3 AJSJDJF

I will say tho. When we uhhhhhhh All popped in & all we Just assumed we'd be Gone & dormant MONTHS AGO but ummmm . well. apparently not! sO the things we wanted 2 Experience have a High probability Of Happening,! Like PT is excited for Halloween and UNLESS those pirate fucks completely take over the roster within the next like week [0f.md s2 on the 5th babey!!! holy shit!!] then it's. Probably gonna happwn!!! which is so cool we don't actually... hey did Halloween exist in (source game)

man and speaking of. Memories Of The Past as we call source memories. It's a collective sys-wide trait thing All our fictives from aNY source rlly enjoy piecing together what they remember from their canons & all It's like enrichment for us. BUT we've been kinda piecing together a rough timeline of when We all formed in our canon That's our biggest Thought Project™ rn. No estimated time 4 when it'll be Complete tho probs never tbh. and w that in mind u may or may not believe who harry's first sysmate was According 2 what we've put togetherJTJEDKFKDJS

ok that's liek 5 trillion words Whoops. we r so talkatives <3 I am going to stop there it's like 5 am JFJDDKCKF we gotta go back to bedddd -E-Chem

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

Welcome back madlads, today we’re listening to more of Gerard’s solo music. Today we’ll be doing all the non-album singles, meaning my next post of these will be the first of several posts listing to Frank Iero’s post breakup music.

I’m not too sure what to expect but I’m looking forward to it. Honestly I needed a bit of a break after I finish mcr’s backlog (I write my draft structure in advance lol) it was nice but I got that kinda ache in my chest after finishing a good story. I’m looking forward to getting back into new music and moving forward. (So this one came a while after I did the last post because I got really busy and lost track of time, so let’s try and finish the hiatus music before 2024 together ;u;)

Pinkish: Ok grainy, but the vibe is pretty tasty. This is nice, it reminds me a bit of bullets tbh. I’m not sure I know what to call this vibe but like, I feel. Hell-fucking-o that guitar jumpscared me, but it’s sexy as hell!

Don’t Try: oh this is a liminal vibe. It’s like both poppy but also reminds me of sifi sounds and it’s trippy and I like it. This kind of fucks. Oh I like this. I think this might be a new favorite of his solo stuff. Vaguely kinda reminds me of disenchanted. Yea I vibe with this one really hard.

Into the Cave We Wander: oh this sounds nice. This feels cozy, oh I adore this. This is just such a pleasent sounding lovely time. This gives such a calming yet adventurous vibe, fills me with a sense of pure wonder. Gorgeous 10/10.

Baby You’re a Haunted House: ok this feels reminiscent of the classic emo sound. Ok but like, why am I getting Fountains of Wayne? Like vague vague “Stacey’s Mom” vibes. But it’s pretty good. Might take a few more listens to really hook me, same things happened with “I never told you what I do for a living” but now it’s stuck in my brain.

Getting Down the Germs: oooo nice guitar. Ok this also kinda fucks. Man all his solo music has felt just so retro fr. It’s a very chill vibe, is nice.

Dasher: ok I’m not sure what to expect here. It sounds really pretty tho. Just really relaxing and pretty, I like it a lot. Yea this was beautiful.

A Hazy Shade of Winter: ok I’m not sure what to expect here either since I’ve heard this is also a cover. The vibes are something? I don’t know what tho. Haunting intro and it blows your tits clean off! Oh this is what I’ve been fucking craving! Ok this is one of the ones I think I like the sound of the most. This is good as hell!

Happy Together: mmm another cover. Oh shit man, now this fucks. God I love his voice so much. A banger cover, his voice has lived in my brain for years and paid not a cent on the god damn power bill 😔

Here Comes the End: ok vibes much. This kinda slaps shit. Looking back, yea this makes sense this was released in 2020. It vibes but damn that was 3 years ago and both feels like it’s only been 1 but also a full decade.

Well this was nice, a lot of good songs. Sorry if I missed any important ones, I’m just going by the Wikipedia page. My top 5 of the bunch would have to be…

1: A Hazy Shade of Winter

2: Don’t Try

3: Into The Cave We Wander

4: Dasher

5: Baby You’re a Haunted House

So I’m finally done with Gerard’s solo stuff after a long gap between posts of me being busy and then burnt out. I’m hoping to learn more about my music taste by doing this tbh, since Frank’s is next I’m kinda hoping to be surprised a bit. So far I’ve learned Gerard’s vocals are but one aspect that makes mcr music tickle my brain. The constant threat of having my tits blown clean off by a guitar seems to be a secondary factor. Well next up we’ll be doing stomachaches.

[rrxnjun]

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

long ranty post ahead abt my own experiences w learning instruments and playinf sports

dude yknow what i miss but also dont. playing sports n playing instruments. bc ive done quite a few different of each just in the past. like i was actually a Big football kid when i was around 5 but hated the club i went 2 bc i was the only girl and basically couldnt play bc even at fucking 5 i wasnt treated as an equal player. but also i didnt rlly mind that it was more so how aggressive it was and i didnt like being pushed around n kicked n shit. and i also played cricket which i liked i just timed it badly bc it was around a year where my immune system just fuckin gave up on me and i was sick like every other week and it out me off cricket bc i always felt so guilty for not being able 2 play it that often. n i also played tag rugby which i loved i just hated my coach she was an asshole she made these like 9 yr old kids do some baddd shit. like one time we played a match against another school and it was a cold wet rainy muddy day and i had played a couple times only and was already in so much pain and i went to her fucking in tears bc i had so many scrapes and i could barely feel my hands from the cold and every time i was passed the ball it literally hurt so fucking much and she ucking LAUGHED at me and told me 2 shut up and deal w it bc i agreed 2 play tag rugby so i was gonna do it under any conditions. like i wanted 2 kill her in that moment and i fucking shouldve i remember that moment so fucking clearly bc it was the absolute worst for me i could barely fucking do school work for ages after that bc my hands hurt so fucking much from not being allowed a goddam break when i was 9 years old. anyways yea sports is fun tho its just unfortunate situations. and i rlly wanna do cricket again or atleast like rounders or smt. man americans r actually right w this one tho baseball sounds so much better than rounders rounders sounds like a baby sports baseball sounds like. cool. anyways also w instruments it was a similar sorta thing. i played piano 4 likeee 3 or 4 years and basically picked up nothing lol other than basic music theory but thats expected bc i was like 7 or 8 on average . i also played the flute for another like 2 or 3 years which i was better at and actually played at concerts n shit but i quit that too bc i hated the stress i got from it bc i hated practicing and i hated the structure of my lessons and i hated my schools wind band i was forced 2 join and fucking guilt tripped not to leave bc i was the best player or w/e even tho i fucking hated that bc it put so much pressure on me at like 10 yrs old bc i did all the loud melody bits so if i made a mistake everyone would notice and i hated it. i also tried the cello and the guitar 4 like a month each which i also hated. now im explaining all this i kinda sound like a rich snob. well my initial point was gonna b how sports and music didnt feel 2 different. like ill use tag rugby and the flute 4 my example bc i did those things at around the same time and they were the ones i cared abt the most. but like. it felt like there was a sorta path drawn out for me in both cases. sometimes w the sheet music and sometimes w the playing field. altho i didnt know how 2 sight read and i am also not very observant so u might think oh ok i followed the path drawn out 4 me. but in both cases it felt like i was winging it int he same way. 4 the flute i always wrote the note names (and had many meltdowns over being forced 2 play w sight reading even tho i didnt wanna learn 2 sight read bc i could always just write the note names) but id write it out and instead of like. reading ahead. i just played what was in front of me. and it felt like each time i played it was like. a match or smth and i was just holding out and holding out and skipping over mistakes until i got to the end. and id never plan out the route id take first it was always just my reaction time i relied on which to be fair was not a good idea bc i have dogshit reaction time. but in tag rugby id do essentially the same. when i was on the offensive team, id usually be in front since i was good at avoiding being touched which i realise now is probably a result of my parents bc i was like constantly ready 2 avoid bein hit n shit. but i was always in front but i could never just see the whole playing field so i focused on like. exactly what was directly around me and just depended on my reaction time to avoid being tagged out. and idk i was just thinking. the exhaustion i felt after playing the flute for so long and never being taught how to breathe properly only that i should and the exhaustion i felt after playing sports for so long and never being told how to improve and only what i did wrong and the exhaustion i always felt after being in my house 4 so long and never being told what i was supposed to do and only how everything i was doing was wrong and. yea. connections between childhood trauma and playing music and playing sports.

[lockwoodspecial]

FOR THE OTHER HALF OF BRENNACE,

i’m going to be completely honest when i say that i don’t know how to start this. for someone who loves talking so much ( i know you of all people are aware ), i’m actively finding it hard to know where to begin. can i hit a big cliche right away and go with the whole “holy shit it’s been 4 fucking years”? it’s funny because when i look back on our friendship, it always strikes me how totally and completely by chance it was. sure, i guess all relationships of any kind happen by chance. but there was quite literally next to nothing to tie us together. no one r/pg, no common friends, no mutual follows on personal tumblrs even. and it’s crazy to think what if. what if you hadn’t posted about wanting to do a f/orwood 1x1? what if i hadn’t been looking through the tags? what if we had never messaged each other? what if we hadn’t immediately connected and proceeded to spend hours crying about our kids on c/hatzy together? we started talking literally out of nowhere, and in a way, as ridiculously cheesy as it is, i kind of think it was fate. from that first conversation, we fell into a rhythm we’ve continued every since. we just fit. every single day i am reminded of how fortunate i am to have you in my life, but i also fully believe that the universe knew there couldn’t be a jenn without a bri. and bitch  -----  if you think that’s sappy and lame, i’m only getting started.

these four years have been some of the craziest in my life. between university and then graduating, living by myself for the first time and then adjusting to being back at home, job things and adulting, learning how to drive.....and top that all off with the most random family drama. the more and more things that happened, the more i felt like i was actually growing up and coming into my own as a person. they’re some of the most formative years, you know? stepping away from your safety net and all that. and throughout it all, you have been the one constant that i have always been able to turn to. whether it was that first time on a skype video call and you helping me hang up my map on my wall in my first apartment, to having you on the phone when i had to go to the creepy ass basement to throw out the recycling in my new building, to assuring me i could get behind the wheel and be okay, to teaching me how to fry jalapeños and laughing at me sticking plastic bags on my hands. the most random ass things but in each of those moments? they were big. and i mean then you incorporate 9 hour calls ( gaming or talking about everything and nothing, and yah i’m def averaging bc we’ve been on for way longer multiple times ), you coming with me to or from class and vice versa with you and work, me harassing your family as well as you, talking while you clean for fun ( u freak ), the 293489327589493084 texts and msgs, ton of movie nights..........and then on top of that, include both of us venting about the most random things and getting real at random hours of the night. i’m pretty sure over the span of four years i have talked to you the most out of anyone. and you have been there the most for me out of anyone. big or small, aware or not. i have always been able to count on you, confide in you, laugh with you, cry with you, harass you, grow with you, be a better me because of you. and i don’t know if you’re aware of just how much that means to me. having you as my best friend for these four years has helped shape me into who i am today so much and i am so fkn thankful for it. and always, always for you.

super lowkey but --- you’re kind of my favourite person. as harsh as you can be on yourself at times, because you can be and i know it, i’ll always be here to remind you of the total opposite. you’re one of the most genuine people that i know. you are who you are, you’re completely honest about your values, what you want, your likes and dislikes, your thoughts. and you are such a good person. we can joke continuously about how dark our souls are and stuff but you have one of the biggest hearts that i know. your loyalty to people you care about and to the right thing never wavers, and you will always go to bat for your friends. not to mention that you are a complete angel to people from your family to random strangers, and so, so good in helping out with literally everything ever. i’m not kidding when i say my parents want to adopt you. and on top of that, you are so incredibly talented and you better not doubt it. like dude, for real. the way your mind creates things, be it graphics ( pls hold ur applause at the beauty i made u, and yah i figured we’re gonna get through all our ships eventually ), or the actual poetry that is your writing, never fails to amaze me. i’m so happy i get to experience that with you. but while i could go on and on about how much i love writing with you, i’ll get gay abt that somewhere else i’m sure. you know what else? you have this amazing spirit. not only is it your drive and determination to do things and move forward, but your love to get out and do the most simple things is something that i have admired for so long. i remember when i came to visit you for the first time two years ago. man between roller blading and the movies and the flea market and random stores? we didn’t go wild, but that was one of the best weeks of my life. and that’s just a handful of things. please never, ever sell yourself short. because you’re one of the most incredible people that i know, and i mean it when i say you’re stuck with me telling you that forever.

you are my person. yah yah, you knew i would pull out the grey’s quote eventually. but never have i found something that just seems so much like us. except for this whole concept of ‘drift compatible’ - a bond and understanding between two people that is so deep that it’s kind of like at times they share the same mind ( i had to go find a post you reblogged years ago to get that meaning right and simple ). i like to think that despite all of our differences, because we are two very different personalities, that’s us. you once told me that we have a friendship that you don’t feel like you deserve. there are a lot of times where i feel like i don’t deserve you. you are patient, understanding, caring, supportive, and so, so strong and solid. you always have my back, no matter what. i could be having the shittiest day in the world and want to hate everyone but still want to talk to you. because you always make me happy. and not just in the superficial ways like we can joke around and spend hours watching animal videos or making dumb faces at the camera or weird sounds into the mic. but you know me. you say it and i deny it, but you do. you know me better than anyone and that means the entire freaking world. and you know, we talk about eventually leaving this blue hell and living together with dogs and being a general Mess and i would like to remind you that i am 10000000% serious. this is a thing that’s gonna happen. i trust you more than anyone, i believe in you more than anyone, and i’m gonna continue harassing you more than everyone forever. you are my best friend. you are the best best friend. you are my person, you’re my other half. i love you so, so, so, so much. ( get it, i did four because four years? ) thank you for helping make these four of the best years of my life. thanks for being there with me through it all. thank you for being my best friend. i think i started this gay ass rant with ‘holy shit it’s been 4 fucking years’, but....can you believe it’s only been 4 fucking years? we got our entire lives ahead of us because we’re gonna die together as old ladies probably with you beating my ass in some way. can’t wait to start that trend when i see you in one month and hug you so tight that you’ll punch me. what can i say? i love you, bitch. HAPPY FOUR YEAR FRIENDAVERSARY, HOE!     /     @fierceli

[annadier]

Domniţă {Part 3}

Summary: The Winter Soldier was hired to protect you, guard you, risk his life for you. You are important. Your family is important. You become intrigued by the blue-eyed stoic man who stands by your side, and something brews between the two of you. Set during the Cold War. Winter Soldier!Bucky Pairing: Bucky x Reader Word count: 1178

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 |

“Are you okay?” He asked you. It felt strange to hear his voice muffled by the mask he wore. You almost did not reply. Then you looked into his eyes, steel blue, and saw real emotion in them. Concern. Fear. To think once upon a time you had theorised that he was a robot with how reserved he normally is.

“Yeah.” The word left your mouth infused with shakiness. You tried to calm down your heart, but it was still racing from the attack. He noticed. Of course, he did. He walked over to you, carefully kneeling to pick you up. Your back ached from being pushed into the ground. The cry you let out when he lifted you off the ground told him as much.

“Can you walk?” He asked you. You barely heard him, focusing on the three men on the ground unmoving. “Y/N!” He said a bit more emphatically, grabbing your attention.

You snapped your head back to him, looking at him. Concern. Fear. Worry. “Can you walk?” He asked again. Slowly, you nodded a ‘yes’ and let him hesitantly lower you.

Instinctively, you rubbed your wrists where they had grabbed you tightly. It stung. You let out a hiss without realising and The Soldier was onto you instantly. He grabbed your hands, inspecting them carefully. Fear was gone from his eyes now. Anger replaced it. Anger. Concern. Worry. You caught him glance over at the thugs. “I’m fine.” You said softly. “Just bruised.”

He didn’t say anything to you now. He simply stepped back to call your father, talking in hushed muffled tones, informing him of your safety and that the situation had been dealt with. You focused on the thugs, taking careful steps around them, just out of reach if one miraculously woke up.

The call was made. More men arrived and took the thugs away. “Are they dead?” You asked him.

There were people around. You honestly were not expecting a response, that was not his normal. You had no idea why you had asked him in the first place, but you were in shock, you would later argue with yourself. And yet... he replied. “No. Your father will want to question them.” He said it so bitterly, as if he had wanted to kill them. That scared you.

Logically, you knew that a bodyguard’s job is to protect you. That involves killing people. He had literally killed to protect you the first time you had ever met him. And yet. This time, his desire to kill felt less like a professional obligation. He drove you back home, taking someone’s car. You were not sure whose but it had to have belonged to your father’s men. The drive was silent, the only sound that registered was when the hum of the engine cut abruptly as he got out to open your door. He never spoke unless spoken to, and you had nothing to say. This was your own fault. You had sneaked out without anyone. You knew it could have been dangerous – and oh Lord, how it was! – everything about this was on you.

“I’m sorry.”

Two words broke the silence as you walked to your room. You did not say anything. So, he must have. But why would he be apologising? You stared at him in confusion. This time, he didn’t stand outside the door, like a dutiful statue. He walked right in with you, closed the door and sat beside you.

“I should have been there. That was my job.” He sounded pained and mournful. It hurt you to think that this was probably the most human you had seen him look in two years. Whoever he truly was, It was beginning to peak through. "I'm sorry."

“No, no.” You denied. “I ran outside. I knew what I was doing.” No you did not! You argued with yourself. If you knew what you were doing, you would not have needed to be saved by him!

“I should have noticed sooner. I should have been there to protect you!” His voice raised, almost in panic. A thought filled your mind: what would have happened if he had not arrived when he did?

Tears welled up in your eyes. How could you have been so foolish? “We’re they going to kill me?” You asked him in a voice that could barely constitute as a whisper. Your lip trembled. He pulled you close. He did not answer your question. He did not know what they had planned for you, but he wished he could have killed them all the same.

He let you lie across his lap, and cry silently to let the fear out. He shushed you when you blamed yourself, he run his hands through your hair until you calmed down. Not for the first time, you we’re grateful he was there.

He watched you slowly ease into drowsiness as the adrenaline and fear faded away. He moved to stand up and lay you back in your bed but from where you were sitting now that he gently pushed you off of him, you grabbed onto his hand before he became out of reach.

“Stay?” You asked in a small voice. “I don’t want to be alone. Please?” He looked at the door with a concerned look. “I’ll say I needed you here to feel safe. I do, really. Please? Just…just tonight?”

“Okay.” He nodded without hesitancy. And really how could he deny that? Keeping you safe was his job, that was his mission.

You climbed under the covers and insisted he join you There was some hesitancy now. He insisted sitting on a chair next to you, What would happen if your father came in? Fear climbed back up your throat. Father. Thugs. You could have died? What if you had died, and this was a dream, a last minute of peace before the great beyond? He did not need to hear your thoughts to read you like an open book. When tears began to well, he gave in.

His body was warm. There was space on your large bed, but you found yourself drawn towards him. It was nice, but every time you closed your eyes, all you could see was the brutality of tonight. “Can you hold me?” You weren’t sure if he heard you, or if you had even really said it out loud but his arms wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest. It was almost like he needed the reassurance of your life. It was in this warmth that you finally found enough comfort to fall asleep. When you woke up the next morning, he was standing dutifully outside the door with his hands clasped behind his back. You barely missed the slight smile that peaked as you walked passed him before he drew his mask back up.

You would never know this, but that night, the Soldier had never slept. He forced himself awake incase a new threat came into the room while you were vulnerable - either enemies or your father.

Part 4

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[himbo-kuto]

i saw this screencap from the manga and knew IMMEDIATELY that i would have to write a lil headcanon of aone and his turtle. he is literally the most precious person who deserves the whole entire world.

i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!

genre: fluff, wholesomeness, a whole baked bean, college!au pairing: aone x gn!reader word count: 2k warning: language

okay so you ended up being roommates with aone, futakuchi, and mai when you ended up transferring colleges last minute and needed housing

you saw that they had an empty spot and with time not being on your side, you decided to take the opportunity!! apt 205 squad!!

at first you kind of felt left out since they all knew each other from date tech but you soon warmed up to futakuchi since you had a few classes with him and mai because well-- you guys shared a room

HOWEVER!! one person you couldn’t seem to get close to was a man by the name of takanobu aone-- lemme tell u sumn about this Baked Bean

whenever you tried to interact with him, all he would do is 👁 👄 👁  or just Grunt in response

you were a bit discouraged because you thought he didn’t like you so you shied away from talking to him again :(

but futakuchi was quick to ensure you that was just his way of communicating and that he was actually really engaged in the conversation 

“oh yeah, he’s a great listener-- i talk to him for hours and he just sits and listens”

“ok futakuchi-san, but have you considered that you talk Too much for your own good?”

he gave you the finger for that one

but omg the first time aone Spoke to you????? rocked ur mf world-- what the Heck!!

you were in the mood to bake some cookies and were looking for the big mixing bowls but you just remembered that futakuchi used it to try and make a baking soda volcano 

why??? who knows but all you do know is that he put it ALL the way on the top shelf-- and for what????

but u know-- bein dumb as dirt u tried to use a swivel chair to try and reach for them

and of course it was all the way in the back like wtf curse these tall men-- 

and so you got on your tippy toes and right as you were about to reach it, Of Course the chair decided to turn 

and u were 🤏🏼 this close to eating shit but thanks to the one-- the only-- tol angel baby aone, he stopped the chair dead in its tracks just in time for you to regain your balance

“are you okay?”

you were so shook (one from almost breaking your face and two-- AONE JUST SPOKE AND SAVED YOU!!!) 

at first you just stood there blinking down at him with the bowls in your arms like hinata season 4, episode 15 - 15:37

he held up his arms to you and you blushed so hard because was he really about to carry you down????

but before your mind had anytime to roam, he pointed to the bowls and you realized with your real eyes that you were not the one to whom he was referring to 

it wasn’t long until you got over your initial iron wall with aone (…. 😏)  and he actually ended up being someone you hung out with on a regular basis

mai was always out studying for her practicals in the library while futakuchi… well.. who even knows what the heck that man is up to..

but ANYWAYS!! you guys would hang out mostly in the living room to watch TV, do homework and eat meals-- he always helped you with your math homework and you helped him with his architecture models!! 

you didn’t really know what he liked to watch but he didn’t seem to oppose whatever you had on-- however, you Did notice that whenever you put on volleyball he stared very intensely at the TV only stopping when commercials came on

aone Always ate your home cooked meals without fail

literally such a sweet and appreciative boy as opposed to futakuchi who would complain but one time aone gave him That Look™️ and he shut right the fuck up

that day forward futakuchi ate all your meals like a good boy

aone has also become very protective of you-- in high school, he may have locked onto the aces of the other teams, but in college he locked onto his close friends to make sure they were safe

one time you guys got onto a cramped bus to go grocery shopping and all it took was this creepo man to just Look at you the wrong way for aone to stand right in front of you and shoot this man a death glare that said “if you even think about touching her i’ll put you into the ground” 

HE MAY HAVE A HEART OF GOLD BUT DONT MESS WITH THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT OR ELSE IT’S HANDS 

but know this ladies, gents and my non-binary friends, we MOST DEFINITELY sit next to aone on the bus and engage in the best of conversations because tHATS WHAT THIS MAN DESERVES!!!!!!!!! 

not to mention all the times he has saved you due to your clumsiness and overall single brain cell fueled activities 

one fateful day you were sitting in the living room as you saw aone come home with a whole bag of groceries

he didn’t put them into the communal fridge so you were a bit confused as to why he took them straight into his room

you weren’t one to just bust in there to try and find out so later when you guys were eating dinner you asked him what he bought at the store

he listed off a bunch of produce and then said that they were for his turtle!!!!

you were all !!?!?!??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 TURTLE?????? WHERE??? HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN HERE??? CAN I SEE THEM?

he goes on to tell you that he’s had the turtle ever since they all moved in!! but it never came up in conversation so you never knew until now

him and futakuchi rescued the turtle but when they tried to let them go, they didn’t go anywhere so they kept them!! 

so after dinner you both quickly washed the dishes, and he brought you into their room to show you his turtle

you were honestly a bit nervous going into their room-- like what were you to expect??? was it going to be messy?? stinky?? clean??? were there any secrets????

but to your surprise it was fairly clean and simple-- even futakuchi’s side (which you assumed was aone’s doing)

you looked around his room to find all these old pictures of date tech on the wall, many of them with futakuchi and mai

there was even a photo of all the third years clinging to aone like koalas on a tree and though his expression was faint, you could tell that he was happy

it warmed your heart to see that he got along with his teammates and held these memories close to him-- they accepted him for who he was and that was more than enough for you

he also had plethora of architecture books on his shelves which made you wonder why he picked that major in the first place

but you shrugged it off as you looked over to his desk

there was a table next to it with an enclosure and a cute little turtle sunbathing underneath a lamp inside

you scurried over to the tank, getting down on your knees to get eye level with the animal while you slowly brought your face to the glass  

the turtle was half curled into its shell, looking up at you as he gave you a slow blink

you could’ve sworn you felt your heart explode and melt all at once in that Exact moment

you looked up at aone with 🥺 eyes before looking back to reptile to see them poking their head out to fully greet you 

you squealed internally as you wiggled your finger as your salutations

“do they have a name?” 🥺 

“ichigo-desu...” (strawberry)

you thought your heart exploded before?????????????

oh bitch you felt like you were about to go into full blown cARDIAC ARREST MY G O D!!!!!!

“did futakuchi name them?”

“no i did…”

you literally hunched over, and leaned onto the desk for support as your heart was filled with his soft boy energy because there was no wAY!!! DID AONE JUST NAME THIS TURTLE ICHHHIGOOOO BITCHHH AHHH

but lowkey aone was also being filled with your soft energy and got all blushy-- but thank god you were too occupied by his turtle to notice

“do you want to feed him a strawberry? it’s his dinner time too”

you could not have said yes faster to this man 

he went into his personal fridge and there you saw all the groceries he had earlier that day!! he pulled out a single strawberry before handing it over to you

he walked over to the tank and cautiously pulled out ichigo before placing them on the ground

HOWEVERRRRRR!! what came next you didn’t expect at all

he walked around so that he was behind you, gingerly reached for your hand and guided you to hold the strawberry out for ichigo 

ichigo craned their neck in the sight of the fruit and started chowing down

and by God you hoped that aone could not hear your loud ass heartbeat and see your red ass face-- (you were surprised that ichigo wasn’t going after you since your face might as well have been a strawberry)

you two sat in a comfortable silence as you watched the little reptile enjoy his dinner 

as ichigo drew closer to the leafy bit, you wanted to ask aone if he was allowed to eat that part 

so you turned your head to the side to speak but immediately closed your mouth as aone’s face was only centimeters away from yours 

you thought you were red back then???? bitch buckle up cause we’re reaching a new LEVEL of red

at that moment you were no think, no thought, head EMPTY as you just stared at his profile 

all of his features were strong... the bridge of his nose, his jawline, his expression-- he himself was a strong man and you just wondered how all this soft, fluffy, wholesomeness was packed into this 192cm man

and just as you relaxed into this position

FUTAKUCHI BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING JUST TALKIN OUT OF HIS ASS 

at first he’s so absorbed into his own conversation that he doesn’t even notice you guys in that position

but when he does??? it’s like those moments in animes where you’re all chibitized and you just have circle eyes and a blank expression o_o

you IMMEDIATELY come to your senses, releasing the rest of the strawberry and aone’s hand

if you could peace fade in this moment, you would’ve definitely flashed futakuchi a duces

but alas, you could not..

so you scrambled to your feet-- but not before thanking aone for letting you meet his turtle-- and RAN out TF of that room heart a BEEATTINN

from that day on, you visited aone and his turtle a lot more-- even going so far as buying things for ichigo!!

“hey aone-san, did ichigo like the squash i cooked?”

“mm.”

“hey aone-san, does ichigo like the new hide?”

“mm.”

“look aone-san! he can’t grip onto the cherry tomato!! it keeps rolling around!”

“mm.”

many of your conversations went along like that and he always appreciated the amount of effort you put into them

he wasn’t a man of many words but did his best to make sure you knew that he was listening and engaged

at one point mai and futakuchi said that “he has spoken more words to you in these past few months than he has with us in 3 years”

you were surprised but also flattered by the fact that aone was comfortable enough to open up and have conversation with you 

although it was a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, you were glad that you became a part of the 205 squad! it was you, aone, futakuchi, mai and ichigo against the world!!

[yakocchi]

Becoming a Family With Him, Part 3 // Shuichi, Hikaru, Rhion, Luke, Eisuke

so this came out, as further celebration for the anni. VERY GOOD, much more appreciated than the prior story set lol that one was kind of boring but i get it

they made the kids for all the... kid-less ones, and the eisuke one that used to be VIP-exclusive is now here for everyone to buy (rip those ppl who gacha for it)

my rambling behind the cut (spoilers!!)

shuichi // as ud expect, shuichi has a literal hime ass looking girl (kikyo) for a daughter. she’s only 6, but is pretty calm and ladylike. She even calls her parents with –sama so... ok luckily shuichi does not strip down all the way in the presence of her daughter and only takes off his suit coat. thanks dad

anyway since shuichi has a break coming up, he wants to have a family trip how nice. but then the dang girl wants to go over to see eisuke WHAT when soryu exists and lives a block away? unrelatable, im closing the app anyway eisuke is her first love, which wtf he’s like 20 yrs older than u. even worse, mc says she’s been in love since she was like 3.

shuichi is reconsidering the benefits of democracy in his mind but eventually relents. but then they’re still following the fucc-days rule they set years ago. well, as he says in the story, RULES ARE RULES

blah blah i don’t want to go over everything bc then it’ll be boring reading the story when it comes out in engl right? also im tired bc it’s 1 am and i just want to play toontown in bed but nothing really bad happens. they are a v cute family bc shuichi is a pleasant and mature dad. kikyo and mc even do a little surprise for him at the end and it is very sweet. i feel like out of all the families, this is the most ideal

mad hatter // so they have twin sons named Rui and Kai. Rui is the childlike one that resembles Rhion in personality, Kai is the more mature one that resembles Al. man i forget that boy’s name but u get me i know they only can use stock bgs but it’s killing me that these dang kids get to sleep in what looks like separate king sized beds.

even though rhion is now a father of two, he still acts like... 10. i mean he still horni but it makes me feel weird

later it’s revealed that Ota teaches them both as an art tutor bc they both showed an interest in art. this is cute bc ota is bad with kids in this universe LOL

the ending on this one was weird cuz the kids didn’t show up in the entirety of the last ep bc it was about WORK. so uh... interesting

hikaru // so their son is named akari. haha get it because it means light. like how hikaru also means light. can mc name her kids unrelated to their father or is that against the Geneva convention

this kid actually acts like an actual little boy. like what hikaru would’ve probably turned into if not for the whole sad backstory. the story starts with akari just bringing a dog randomly home one day. he actually saved the dog (it is very cute bc he did not want the dog to cry), and then after a talk they decide to keep the dog as long as akari knows the responsibility of taking care of an animal.

so next day, the bidders come over to their house and everyone’s like woaw a dog. lol they come into their house as guests and eisuke and mamo still demand for beverages, they all suck

akari names the dog... “Light” (Raito) and i want out of this nightmare. Naturally bc Light is an abandoned dog it’s still kind of bad with interacting with things. But then Light suddenly be giving the ( ╹ਊ╹) to soryu bc remember, animals love him. everyone clowns on soryu for being an unintentional dog whisperer and then akari is like “soryu san pls make me ur apprentice” and he gives some advice like approaching it slowly, and talking to it from the front instead of back.

blah blah there’s a situation where Light goes YEET after a Doberman gets all angry and then hides bc then another dog is scaring it. hikaru swoops in to the save the day as the Real Dog Whisperer. ok it’s cute when hikaru actually gets to look cool  for once LOL

luke // luke is cute on the bc “pre-story” scene he’s actually pretty open to the idea of having kids; he actually goes “well imo we should think abt it pretty soon, but i wanted to hear ur opinion on it” but then he gets horni. and then he’s like “our kids are going to have your collarbones. awesomeee im looking forward to that” ....ok

ok cut to the actual story and they’re in Japan. Luke’s kid looks... strange versus the others. why are his eyes so big? omg voltage his eyes arent going to be saucers just cuz he half white also the kid’s name is Yuri (Or Urey). They couldn’t think of any other Brit-styled names? Like Harry? Henry? William? Wilfred? hey stan be my princess btw he’s pretty cute, though he gives serious “timid kid that gets bullied in the children’s movie” vibes. He calls Luke “daddy” and mc “mammy/mommy”.

so luke talks about his relationship w/ soryu and eisuke and then yuri is like “i want friends like that” wow cute but also find less ethically-complicated friends

so luke lets yuri meet a young patient of his (haru) so they can be friends. they get along so it’s good. haru gets in critical condition later so luke zooms outta there to do the operation.

LOL but at the end yuri is like, “i want to make more friends. (...) can i go to the bidder’s room from now on?” this boy works fast

And then he’s like “Eisuke-san... please be my friend.” HIS POWER. even eisuke was like :O so then eisuke orders a whole bunch of food and books up to the penthouse. But then yuri’s like “...i like eisuke’s eyes” and everyone’s like oh man that’s gonna be his fetish

Baba: why have u started to have an interest in eyes Yuri: I read it from one of daddy’s medical books Hikaru: wtf u can read that at 4??? (...) Soryu: wat Yuri: um... i want soryu to be my friend too Yuri: bc soryu’s eyes are also powerfully cool...

eisuke // ok this gets an extended ramble bc the more annoying the story the longer i must complain

so you might be thinking, “oh so this is gonna be a flashback in some in media res styled story with your 2 kids, u know in the style of the others” and well, no you just go straight to white screen into the flashback, back when eito was smaller and thus a little more cute. well it’s not really false advertising bc they did say “reminisce” in the description. but i wanted to see eito be a good big brother for a moment! or... less good? man i wanted to see kaito go waaaah like a baby idk i wanted to see him exist

so back to the story they cut to small eito. even as a smaller punk he does fight with his dad a little, just w/ a more narrow vocabulary to work with. tho at this point he’s still pretty sweet so clearly eisuke clowning him day and night was a negative effect on his development. (doesn’t treat his child like a child) (child grows up to a punk that doesn’t respect him) (surprised pikachu) being the son of a billionaire means that this child has to go study at a very young age and listen to MOZART. no child of eisuke ichinomiya will be listening to degenerate bops like lee taemin’s criminal next day they all go to the very fancy school that eito will be attending. eisuke does a speech, but then eito is all like “why is papa over there all the time” in reference to how all the other parents in attendance are having fun with their children, but eisuke is busy talking to other people for business and connections etc. etc. mc kind of has a hard time trying to explain it to eito bc... it’s honestly poor parenting... eiji shows up after arriving late, and he’s like “gramps is gonna be with ya today! instead of papa” which is cute but then she’s like psst thanks for coming and im like oh... so grandpa just didn’t randomly come to the open house for fun he’s just gonna be surrogate dad while real dad is busy... aw... and then at the end eito’s like FUC THIS KINDERGARTEN. eisuke is like “(smh) don’t yell in public. (despite everything) you are still the eldest son of the Ichinomiya family”

and so afterwards it’s clear that eito does not want anything to do with this school. he just sits in the classroom until mc is there to pick him up instead of playing in the courtyard or w/e, wanting nothing to do with the other kids.

so later there’s a hiking trip for the students and both of their parents, and mc asks eisuke if he’ll be available for it. eisuke is like, “i have a business trip that day, so I’ll have to adjust my schedule” and he’s been very busy in the opening of a new business or w/e. mc tells him to not do so much for something like that and that it’s ok if she goes alone with eito on the trip.

it’s the day of the trip, and mc goes alone with eito. she notes that a lot of dads did indeed come along for the trip. she apologizes to eito and says that she did talk to eisuke about the trip before, but he’s simply busy for this day. and im like... but girl, you were the one who told him not to change his schedule for the trip. yes a trip may seem less important than business ventures, but don’t make it sound like you weren’t the one who stopped him. lol. idk why im pressed abt this single line of dialogue bc later she does realize she fucced up there well eito is just like w/e about it and has pretty much accepted that sort of thing

anyway eito goes missing later and one of the kids said that he told eito that his dad (eisuke) didn’t come bc his dad thinks that his work is more important than his son. so eito got mad and ran off somewhere

and then mc finally gets the lightbulb moment that eito... wants to see his dad!! he ran off to go try to see him somehow??? !! wow so sweet

it’s raining like a mf but then in her search for eito eisuke randomly pops out of nowhere. He’s like “ho i did not remember saying that i wasn’t coming” and she’s like “im sorrryyy” and both me and him are like “just find the dang kid”

ok yea they find eito, he starts being a good student, and u start to see where he starts being antagonistic towards his dad LOL etc. etc. lol this story annoyed me so i don’t feel like doing the rest of the play by play orz

anyway thanks for reading my garbage LOL

[xsimxx77]

Dean ❤️😭

So yeah Spn ended and ep20 sucked and it's been days and I still can't process ! (I'm a mess btw so God knows how this will come out)

The finale sucked and dean's death sucked basically I'm devastated !! And no it's not just "another Tv character's death" it's not just "a death" no ! it just sucks and lemme start up with some shit here !

So why his death is just bullshit !

Dean out of no where was put into some circumstances that can't be understood or be dealth with at 4 LIKE 4 ! Like suddenly his life just turned upside down and he was faced with "you gotta take care of ur little brother!" HOW WOULD A 4 YEAR OLD UNDERSTAND WHAT TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE MEAN !!? but he did it anyways and guess what he freaking did amazing job in that !!

But wait -

HOW OLD WAS DEAN RIGHT HERE !!!? (btw this is the dark side of the moon ep when angels made them relive their fav memories ) he used to do what he was always doing his whole life !!! His father just messed up sth and he just went there and tried to fix it , tried to make it better for his mother ! He just did that !! And Sammy was like wow "never realized how long" ! yeah Sammy apparently he's been doing this his whole freaking life !

He had to do things that weren't even his job even before Mary's death! He was just so good that he couldn't see her anxious or sad about certain stuff ! And HE WAS SO YOUNG BACK THEN OMG !

yeah He never had a childhood thanks to his lovely father ! Been treated his whole life as a soldier , was raised like one !! He was always convinced that he had one job , just one job ! What he felt and how he felt never really mattered !

Reminder: he never got to graduate , never got to college ! And how he was just so proud that his samrtass brother went to Stanford is just so precious !

"Always wanted to be a fireman" wanted ! What a word huh ! And again sammy went just like wow "never told me that" yeah Sam cuz what he wanted was never important apparently !

He always thought that the things he loved were just never his things , thinking he is nothing and no one. Always thought that he's not really worth anything !!

Imagine being convinced that everyone around u will leave u at certain point and u can't be enough ! and how he's so attached to his family knowing he can't be that for them !!

And don't u dare tell me that John didn't really affect him with so many things !! His whole life Dean was just trying to be good for the man!

Yeah I mean what a bright life right

and yes we can clearly see Dean using sarcasm in facing his problems ! Just all with the "Idc what happens to me" attitude but not bcz he's just careless like that nah not really he's just too scared to admit that he is scared if that makes sense ! U can see that clearly in many seasons

in s3 Sam was trying to find a way to save his brother ! And dean was just like u can't do anything cuz there's no way and acting with the "careless" sarcastic way he is and Sam was just like "How can you" , "what's wrong with you!" He just can't let himself feel that he will be saved cuz there is nothing that can save him , he even admits that he is scared later on !

and to me Dean is this one dude with that mindset that he can't have hope , he won't allow himself to have hope ! So yeah he can't let himself believe that Sam will save him bcz what if he believed that and it just didn't work ! He's just too scared !! I mean can you imagine that !!

he was just so scared dammit !!

S10 (this whole season was so heartbreaking tbh)

and here !! (btw this the paint it black ep) How he just admits that he keeps expecting death ! And how he's just scared !!! "there's people , things feelings I want to experience differently!" And again with the want word !! HE WANTED THINGS FOR HIMSELF but never thought or even made things for HIMSELF !! and u telling me why this hurts so bad !!

He loved cars , wanted to be a mechanic or maybe even a rockstar and we can see that from previous seasons but he gets to talk about it with that girl in the "bad boys" ep ! reminder : that this is the "let him rot in jail" ep ! Imagine Dean with that mind of his and all of those thoughts thinking he's not worth it and shit like that only for his amazing father to leave him out there just like that !!! Thanks again John ! 🙃 YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE DREAMS OF HIS OWN !! But again he did come back for baby Sammy and I love him !!

I just love him sm and I know he never deserved any of this !!

How he was just convinced that he's just a grunt and couldn't see himself as this smart strong hero he truely is !!!😭 HE'S BEEN FIGHTING HIS WHOLE LIFE ! He'S BEEN SO GOOD HIS WHOLE FREAKING LIFE !!

How he just kept questioning why would an angel save him from hell !! "Why me !!? If there is a God out there why would he give a crap about me ?"

Never really came across his mind that he's worth it !

he never knew , never been told how great he was until Cas happened !! And Cas , this one angel is a wholeee other story !❤️🥺

"imagine telling someone u love 'em only to have him give u this face !" Yeah lol that was funny but u know what ! imagine believing ur whole freaking life that ur nothing and not really worth anything , that ur just so pathetic and can't do anything and then having soemone just state how good and lovely you are and that they love u ! Like love u ! Yeah I find that funny too u know ! Like look at his face it just feels like "don't tell me that cuz I ain't worth it , I ain't that good Cas "

and I just love Cas so much cuz he just wanted to show Dean how lovely , selfless and just how precious he is !

Cas loved Dean the way he should be loved !! He just saw right thru his soul and loved it all !! Cuz he saw exactly what he is !! saw it all and understood it AND HE FREAKING LOVED HIM FOR EVERYTHING!!

and when we finally see Dean kinda accepting that yes he might be worth it , that yes he might be good just like Cas said ! That he deserves to live a life for himself !! They just kill him off !! Just like that ! Throwing everything away !

And this this this right here just hits so hard and painfully rn !! Cuz How many times did Dean say this over many seasons !! Like how many times did he say that "a hunt gone wrong" is what gonna end him !! and seriously don't u dare tell me that yeah he was just ok with that or he wasn't really scared or that *the ending* he's got is the perfect one for him cuz nah !! IT'S FREAKING NOT !!! He kept saying that and he was expecting that !! HE WAS EXPECTING GETTING KILLED LIKE THAT ALL HIS FREAKING LIFE !! But he was literally dreading it !!!That's why this sucks !! That's why this is just so messed up and cruel !!

Imagine getting killed the exact way ur dreading for it to happen !

Like When Dean fianlly goes like "We gotta keep living Sammy" he really wanted to give this a shot !! He wanted to finally give it a shot for Cas and for himself! It's like he finally allowed himself to have hope !! Finally got his whole freaking free wil to do literally whatever he wanted !!!! He had a dog u know ! 😭 HE FREAKING APPLIED FOR A JOB !! FOR A JOB !! HE WAS GONNA GIVE THINGS OTHER THAN HUNTING A SHOT !! HE WANTED THIS !!

only to have him lose all of that !! all ripped away from him !! So yeah this is NOT JUST ANOTHER CHARACTER'S DEATH !!

He was so scared , he was freaking so scared and shaking "didn't think that this day would be today" he just wanted Sam close cuz he was so scared !! and u telling me that this is just another character's death!!

my baby boy , my comfort character deserved better !! I love him so much I can't-

i really thought Cas's death was bad (and it was hell tbh) but Dean's ending just messed me up in ways I can't even tell !

like he had to suffer too while dying !! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR !! Like ffs !!

this is literally depressing and so cruel !! And hopeless LIKE SO FUCKING HOPELESS !

he's been suffering his whole freaking life !! ALL HIS LIFE !!

and I know That he kinda got his peace at heaven (and tbh that might be the only thing that will help me go on with my life and the fact that Cas isn't in the empty too !) but that's just still doesn't make things right !! He freaking deserved a life !! HE FREAKING DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER !!

I just hate those writers so bad !

I will just end this with saying THANK U DEAN WINCHESTER , u've helped me thru alot !! u've changed me ❤️😭 ! Hope ur having all happiness u deserve at heaven baby boy ❤️😭😭

[decodingellipses]

Modern Love: He Made Affection Feel Simple

[courtesy of Brian Rea]

"Dating as a transgender woman, in my experience, meant low expectations and casual sex. Then I met Jack."

This piece is part of the Modern Love column at The New York Times

by Denny

My bio on Grindr read: “Be trans friendly. Send face to chat.”

It was difficult to be on a gay hookup app as a trans woman. Most men in my feed desired to only sleep with each other. But I knew there were straight men on Grindr who hungered for a woman like me. I wanted them too.

That’s where I met Jack. At 22, he was a few months older than me, and, other than his age, his entire profile was blank, usually an indicator of a cisgender straight man who was guarded about his attraction to trans women. Typically, the messages I received would start with a vulgar sext, sometimes an unwanted nude photo.

Living in Morningside Heights, I was attending Fordham University for my master’s degree in strategic communication. One night I was up late working when I received a Grindr message from him, a selfie. Amid his light brown hair, two-day scruff and meek gaze, his lacrosse T-shirt stood out to me the most. He looked like a sporty boy I would have crushed on in high school.

He followed up his photo with “Hello.”

Messages in my Grindr inbox tended to cut to the chase: “Down for now?” “Car sesh?” Men who contacted me because they fantasized about trans women made it difficult for me to feel seen as a person in general, let alone a person worthy of respect.

Although my interest was piqued by Jack’s picture, it was his gentleness that drew me in.

Our sporadic small talk was harmless, spanning two months. I brushed him off, but as I commuted to school and spent hours in the library, he was persistent.

“My sex drive is pretty low these days,” I wrote. “Give me a bit and I’ll hit you up.”

“OK.”

When I turned back to my studies, he added, “Just so you know, we can do non-sex things and hang out too. It would be fun.”

This became our pattern: he being distant enough to show interest without pressure, and me appreciating his laxity, given my demanding schoolwork. His ease led me to trust him, so we set up a day to meet.

The first afternoon Jack came over, he admired my bathtub and drank his cup of water with two hands. His poised demeanor in a beige wool peacoat and long scarf reminded me, in a good way, of John Bender in “The Breakfast Club.” In my bedroom, he fixated on my yellow Power Ranger figurines, noticing my framed academic award next to them on the windowsill.

“You went to SUNY Oneonta?” he said. “I went to SUNY Potsdam.”

I pictured my friends who also attended Potsdam eating in the same cafeteria as Jack, getting drunk at the same frat party. Suddenly, the person I’d seen as a stranger now fit into my world.

I imagined what the deer looked like from his dorm room window, roaming the grass at dawn. Or how he spent his day when the school canceled classes because of snow. Or where he would have gone if his parents were able to afford private school.

We sat on my bed, my back leaning against the wall. He slouched his head onto my hip and wrapped his arms around my waist. “This is weird,” I thought. Aside from sexual intimacy, my hookups were typically aromantic, absent of cuddling and expressions of affection.

I kissed him and rolled on top. I took off my shirt and he hugged me tight. His face dug into my chest as he said, “I like you. I think you’re really cool.”

Unsure how I actually felt, I said, “Oh. I think you’re really cool, too.”

The next time I saw Jack, he spent the night at my place. It was then, awake in bed at 4 a.m., that I realized I had never let a guy sleep over before. His heat warmed the bed, so I crept to the bathroom to cool off. I Snapchatted a disoriented selfie to my friends, my hair messy and eyes bloodshot.

“How do you guys do this sleepover thing?” I wrote. “I can’t sleep at all.”

Customarily, my flings with strange men were brief. The men did not take note of my bathtub or my educational history before sex, and they did not linger after.

I came back into bed, disturbed by the rumble of his snoring, but his sleeping face on my pillow struck me. For the first time, the thought of sharing a bed with a man did not come from pure imagination. I now had a real image for this fantasy; I could pretend Jack was my boyfriend, reach for his face and whisper “I love you, good night,” then fall asleep and meet him somewhere in his dream as if we had done this a hundred times before.

The next day, he flew off to see his family for the holidays and the first weeks of the new year.

“merry crimmus,” I texted.

“u too, babygirl,” he replied.

After our sleepover, I didn’t hear from him unless I initiated — an unexpected change. Instead of giving in to my insecurity that the sleepover meant little to him, and therefore I meant little, I imagined other scenarios: him asking me to sleep at his place, for a change, or spontaneously calling me while I’m in line for my morning coffee. But because I had presumed a sex-only expectation from the start, I shamed myself for developing feelings.

“miss u,” he texted one random morning.

“really?”

We stayed in touch and occasionally saw each other, weeks in between. On a hot morning, he snored behind me as I sat on the floor beside my bed, working on my final thesis. He put his hand up to my face, letting me know he was awake. With my eyes on the laptop screen, I took his hand and planted kisses in his palm, wallowing in these ordinary joys — the kind of affection I slowly grew comfortable displaying.

Longing to be more than casual with him, I sought a therapist to guide me through my growing feelings.

Jack’s periodic “miss u” texts progressed with heart emojis, an unprecedented closeness. And I returned the sentiment. It felt thrilling to express my adoration so directly, until the weeks between seeing each other and texting ultimately turned into months of silence I knew to be ghosting.

I relied on Grindr as my safe dock because dating as trans is complicated. Sleeping around was easier for me. I had set the bar low, then met Jack, who saw me as more than a fantasized body, only to have his mysterious exit echo a looming insecurity I avoided for years: Being trans implies I am not real enough to deserve decency.

I broke down in therapy, mustering the courage to say out loud what was undeniably true: “He left me.”

“I don’t mean to put this on you,” my therapist said, “but could him being a cis straight man and you being a trans woman play a part?”

I didn’t want to blame Jack, who showed me a new realm of affection that made desire feel as simple as just a boy and a girl who liked each other. But he made leaving simple, too; all of this could still not be enough.

Deep down, I denied how my mere existence as a trans woman could ever cost him. Jack, in wooing me, nurtured the possibility that my romantic fantasies could come true, that I could be seen as a complex person rather than a fetishized token of someone’s imagination. After being deserted by him, I ruminated on my insecurity that being trans denied me of even a simple goodbye.

And yet I know myself to be real because my transition, as a teenager, required exceptional certainty. Doctors and psychiatrists double-checked my decision constantly.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I repeated, and I became more real each year. With Jack, I felt even realer. Not only had he seen me as a woman, but as a woman worthy of being held.

I could blame my being trans for Jack’s ghosting, but maybe it had nothing to do with that. Maybe he hated his job. Maybe his family fell apart. Maybe the pleasure we felt together contrasted whatever pain remained of our baggage.

On lonely days, I imagine myself at SUNY Potsdam. At a frat party, I drunkenly dance across from Jack, cheap blue lights grazing the curves of our cheekbones, sweat dripping like cyan fireflies. Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” roars through the party. “Good times never seemed so good,” everyone shouts. “I’ve been inclined to believe they never would.”

I put myself in the cafeteria, where Jack and I approach the salad bar at the same time. When he sees me, he steps back and says, “You go first,” with a grin so big I would need both hands to hold it.

———

Denny is a writer, actor and musician living in New York City.

[evera6234]

Gotham’s Salty WIP: Chapter II

CHAPTER I

RATING: T (Teen for cursing and stuff, this may change)

SUMMARY: 

Basically, the typical Daminette with a bit of lime and spice. Borderline crack fic bc i cant without humor. 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng goes to Gotham whilst carrying three years worth of emotional baggage, what she does with it, we don't know. Does she lug it around? Probably. Does she kick it off a skyscraper? Not probable, but maybe. Does she use it to drop kick an unsuspecting liar. Most definitely.                ~~~> EDITED BY OLLIETHETURTLE ON AO3

Transferred from AO3. 

Lemme know if u wanna be tagged

   “Yeah, your signatures don’t line up…” says the man at the front desk. “You said your name was… Lila Rossi, right? I’m looking for a... Marinette Dupain-Cheng?”

   “Present,” an amused Marinette announces.

   “No! There must have been a mistake. I personally talked to Brucie and his 4 sons, Jason Grayson, Tim Todd, Dick Drake and my precious Damibear!”

   “Yeah no. That 100% didn’t happen. 100%,” the somewhat peeved front desk attendant grins.

   “How dare you talk to Lila like that! What’s your name? Give me your manager's number!” Alya fumes in a french accent (A/N: total karen moment intentionally placed). 

   “My name is Andrew Winston, and my supervisor….”

   “Hey Andrew, what’s poppin!” says a voice. After observation one could say that said voice comes from a tall muscular man, with a white streak in his hair, wearing a leather jacket.

   “My blood vessels, Jason. My blood vessels. Why are you here? You weren’t supposed to be here today.”

    “Yeah, Dick broke his arm yesterday at home. He fell down the stairs. And since I am such an amazing brother, I decided that I would fill in for him today!”

   “You were forced,” concludes Andrew as he scratches out Lila’s name off the previously mentioned thicc stack of papers with a black marker. 

   “Yup.”

   “This is the class you are supposed to caddy around WE. And they seem to be a bit peeved right now.”

   Jason sighs, “Ok. what’s the issue…”

   “They are saying that Lila Rossi, here” Andrew points to Lila, then looks down at his notes “says she spoke to a Brucie, a Jason Grayson, a Tim Todd, a Dick Drake and her precious Damibear to set up this field trip. My info here says that a girl named Marinette Dupain-Cheng set this trip up but they don’t believe me.” Andrew nonchalantly continues “Speaking of which, Marinette please sign on all the starred lines. Lila and her friend already filled out everything else.”

   “Tim Todd!” Jason chokes. 

¬`

   The tour had slowed down in the corridors of Wayne Enterprises as Jason let the students go on a quick bathroom and water break. Lila had left for the bathroom, and it is safe to say that Marinette learnt her lesson to avoid bathroom confrontations with Lila. They were never fun, and right now she doesn’t think she can handle a wet shirt in winter. 

   “Really, Marinette. You take credit for all of Lila’s hard work,” says Kim passing by.

   “Do you have any idea how hard Lila worked on this, and you know she hardly has any time to spare.” Max pitches in. 

   “Yeah. Lila worked so fucking hard concocting the names Jason Grayson, Tim Todd and Dick Drake. Sounds like the revamped cast to The Three Stooges,” Chloe crackles giggling.

   “I sure wonder how Tim Todd and Jason Grayson are today? Are they well?” Marinette questions sarcastically.

   “Absolutely fucking amazing after hearing that!” Jason wheezes, overhearing the conversation. Jason gave Marinette a knowing look that confirmed an earlier inference. This Jason was Jason Todd. This was priceless. 

   Adrien’s eyes narrow on his angered face. “What was she doing.” “She promised to take the high road.” “She only needs me, I’m her best friend.” He watched the situation from a distance, unnoticed by Marinette. But as sly he is, he did not slip Jason’s radar. 

¬

   “So y’all, 1:30pm. That means, Lunch time!  Right and you’ll be at the cafeteria, I’ll be joining you guy in about 15 minutes. So fuel up. Remember to show your IDs, lunch is on the house! Bon appetit!” Jason cheerfully announced as bows dramatically (like actors at the end of a play) and he turns around.

   A bit into lunch Mrs. Bustier came up to Marinette and Chloe’s table. “Marinette, can I talk to you?” asks Mrs. Bustier. 

  “Can I come too, Mrs. Bustier?” asks Chloe suspiciously

   “No, Chloe. This is just in between Marinette and I, sorry.” Mrs. Bustier replies sternly.

   “It’s okay, Chloe. I’ll be fine,” reassured the ladybug holder, squeezing the bee holder’s hand.

   “Ok, fine. Let me know if something happens.” Then Chloe leans in to whisper to Marinette, “Audio record it, just in case.” Marinette nods. 

   “Ok, Mrs. Bustier. I’m coming!” replies the bluenette happily as she follows Mrs. Bustier away from the crowd. 

   Adrien, from his table with Nino, Alya and Lila watched, “Hey guys, I need to go to the bathroom,” he said before standing up.

¬

  “Marinette you should be setting an example for the class. What you did today, making fun of Lila was wrong,” Mrs. Bustier frowned. “You of all people know Lila's condition and you should be more accepting of her.” Disappointed, Mrs. Bustier continues, “I expect you to apologize to her before we head back to the hotel.”

   “With all respect, no thank you. I will not apologize for my actions,” Marinette sternly begins. “Does the school have any medical record of her illness?” Marinette asks. “Why should I allow her to take credit for my hard work? And why do I have to be the model student who is obligated to be kind to everyone, when no one ever is to me?” Marinette, now more frustrated than before, questions the teacher. She felt a storm of emotion begin to stir. 

   “Because you are the class representative! It is your responsibility to lead the class with your example! Lila is a student with needs, she needs to feel accepted by all her classmates and it is your job to fulfill her needs.”

   “I’m sorry Mrs. Bustier, but sometimes I can’t shove a square in a circle. Sometimes I can’t do things. Lila is lying, and I can’t lie with her. I will not lie.i will not pretend to like her. And why must I be responsible for all the students in class, but receive no respect for it. Receive nothing but hate and insults. How is that fair for me?” Tears begin to collect in Marinette’s eyes. Mrs. Bustier, for the longest time, has been one of Marinette’s favourite teachers. The fact that right now Mrs. Bustier, couldn’t give less of a shit about her feeling hurt. 

   “I understand but what about Lila’s feelings? I cannot let you bully Lila. You are being selfish right now, I never thought you could act like this. I am disappointed in you.” Mrs. Bustier finishes as she walks away. 

   “What about MY feelings. What about me, what’s so wrong with me being selfish every once in a while. Have you ever looked into my family’s bullying complaints against Lila? What about me?” Marinette cries  desperately, as Mrs. Bustier walks away. “Why is everyone ignoring me?”

   “The real question here is, why are you ignoring me?” growled a voice from behind Marinette. “I thought you promised me to take the high road.” Marinette’s eyes widen as she realizes who’s talking to her. 

   “I never promised, Adrien. Not once. I can’t keep silent and alone for longer.”

   “You are not alone, you have me. And I even LET you talk with Chloe.”

   “Yes, I have Chloe and thank you your majesty for letting me communicate with another human being. And no, Adrien I do not have you,” Marinette raises her voice. “Lila has you, you only talk to me in secret. You let Lila lie, you let her hang off your pretty model arms when she wills. You are and were never on my side.”

   “So you really are jealous?”

   Marinette, delirious with anger frustration, her voice laced with contempt, “No, never.” 

   He looks down at Marinette and smiles “Stop lying Marinette.” 

   “I’m not.” Adrien looks back at Marinette, as if he knows something as he too stalks away. “I’M NOT!” Marinette yells. 

¬

   “So she said that she talked to Brucie, Jason Grayson, Tim Todd, a Dick Drake and her precious Damibear!” Jason nearly on his side from laughing too hard. 

   “DAMIBEAR!” Tim howled in laughter, with his hands wrapped around his torso to somehow hold his ribcage together. Both brother’s are laughing their asses off in Tim’s office.

   “I KNOW!”

   “Are we gonna tell him?” Tim begins to ask before he interrupts himself, “No! We are not. What we are going to do is call him that and let him figure it out, sooner or later he will meet the class and when he does…”

   Jason let the scenario Tim described play in his head, “YES! You now speak my wavelength, to be honest maybe Lila wasn’t lying. You may be a Todd.”

   “No fucking way am I one. By the way, you should check on the class, how long has it been since you left them?”

   “Shit! Twenty minutes! Farewell, dear Replacement.”

   “Have fun, report back on any juicy lies, specifically ones about sweet baby Damibear or even Brucie.” 

¬

   “What the fuck was that?” thought Jason as he heard two people arguing in a secluded hallway, “Marinette?” he thought when he saw the girl, immediately putting a name to the face. But he didn’t know the boy. Jason whipped out his phone and quickly took a picture of the situation, making sure to get a clear shot of the boy’s face. For research purposes.

Gunz Blazin: Hey Tim Todd

Gunz Blazin:  Can you gimme a background check for this guy 

(*attaches a cropped image of the mystery boy’s face*) 

Boy Wonder: ???Tim Todd???

Replacement: I gotchu fam. 

Boy Wonder: ???fam???

Boy Wonder: ???

Boy Wonder: Can I be a Todd too

Replacement: No you're a Drake 

   Jason heard a voice coming from behind him, “That’s Adrien Agreste.” 

   Jason turns his head to look at the boy again and hears more of the conversation. He turns back and she’s a tall-ish blonde girl with blue eyes. “You are? Marinette’s friend?”

   “Yes.”

   “And he is not Marinette’s friend?”

   “He absolutely is not Marinette’s friend. He’s the ass-hat who thinks he owns Marinette. Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?”

   “Yes.”

   “What if I just break his nose a little.” (Requested by Ollietheturtle, my new dear editor)

   “As an employee of Wayne Enterprises, I’m supposed to say no, but in all honestly I kinda wanna do that myself…”

¬

TAG LIST: @jeminiikrystal @demonicbusiness @i-am-ironic @woe-is-me0 @miracleofadisaster @clumsy-owl-4178 @onmywaytoloveyou

[mashiraostail]

who do u think r the biggest simps??

eigFJKD THIS ASK IS SO FUNNY TO ME THANK U PUT IN ORDER FROM MOST TO LEAST SIMP LIKE I PROB FORGOT PPL BC ITS LIKE LATE LATE BUT I WANTED TO WRITE THIS AHSLSEDS

1.) Hizashi: THIS MAN IS SUCH A SIMP IT’S PRESENT MIC I DON’T CARE EVEN A LITTLE BIT THIS MAN IS SUCH A FUCKING SIMP!!! I can’t explain it honestly i just...i can so picture him being the biggest idiot for his s/o he’s always looking at pics of them and staring at them when they’re around and he’s gonna compliment everything they do period. Like aw the way you sit is so cute, aw I love how you twirl pencils with your fingers when you’re trying to focus, aw your stutter is precious. And god even a tiny CRUMB of kindness from you will put him on cloud nine. Oh you like his jacket?? Okay, he can happily die now. He has pretty eyes? Excuse him he has to go cry in the bathroom. The sappier you get the easier it is to get your way. . He gives so many gifts, little stupid things that make him think of his s/o but also big extravagant gifts tht always leave them totally flustered and embarrassed. Biggest simp. Simp of the year. 

2.) Sekijiro- Sorry but.. Vlad king supremacy?? Idk why he’s such a respectful simp I just get those vibes from him. Like he’ll do anything his s/o asks, need something lifted? Ok he’ll be there in 5 minutes. Oh need help reaching something? Sure thing whatever you need. Had a bad day? Oh no well come sit here with me and we can talk about it or watch your favorite movie if you don’t wanna yet! This man loves love, if he gets hurt on the job, or has a bad day all he’s gonna wanna do is curl up with you and get all the kisses and loves and back rubs. If he’s having a bad day he’s def gonna sit around daydreaming about you. His phone bg is def either a pic of you together or just a pic of you, he has a lot of pics of you and he enjoys them very much. It’s always your way, you have to beg him to just tell you what he wants sometimes, and no ‘whatever you want babe’ isn’t a valid answer!!! sorry not sorry about it!! 

3. Toshinori- GOOODDDDD THIS MAN IS A SIMP. He’s totally stupid in love w his s/o the minute they meet. He’s all blushy and stupid and smiley at them and he’s always paying little tiny thoughtless compliments like ‘oh you have really nice hands’ or ‘you’re always so helpful (: I’m so lucky to get to work with you!’ He’s just happy to be around his s/o and he’ll do whatever they want. Shopping? Sure he’ll tag along. Got a bunch of boring errands to run? He’ll keep you company. Need to do a ton of house work? He can help! He also loves giving small gifts, and any matching thing on the planet will make his heart soar, rings of course, but also bracelets, key chains, mugs anything this man will want it. If you say a song reminded you of him he will listen to it on loop for weeks. He’s totally fantastically infatuated and it’s such obvious puppy love too.

4. Taishiro Toyomitsu- PLEASE again this man is a major simp gentleman. He holds doors he gets you flowers he cooks you dinner he talks about you all the time. Seriously all the time. Tamaki probably knows your whole life story by now all he does is brag about you. Complete a slightly difficult task? Everyone Taishiro interacts with is gonna know it. Even the villains. If he ever does an interview you’re getting brought up. He doesn’t care how much he has to bend over backward to do it, he’s gonna talk about you or he’ll perish. When you’re together it’s kisses and hugs all the time, he barely ever walks by without giving you some form of kiss, and god the amount of times this man says ‘i love you’ in one day, hell one hour, should be illegal. 

5. Kugo Sakamata- he’s not a super simp BUT he is still a simp, and the nicer you are to him the more simpish he becomes. If you have a normal comfortable give and take dynamic that’s good with him, but if you’re ever very affectionate with him he’ll be total putty in your hands. The longer you’re together the worse it gets. He loves gift-giving and there truly is nothing you can’t have. If you want it then it’s your’s Kugo doesn’t care, why would he? If it’ll make you happy then you can have as many as you want. So all in all, may not be a super simp at first but you can def mold him into one. 

6. Keigo Takami- He doesn’t simp at all in the beginning, he’s actually an annoying little turd. But the longer he spends with you the more infatuated he becomes until eventually it feels like going 6 hours without a kiss from you is majorly pushing it. Tokoyami has heard about every accomplishment you’ve ever made from your job to how quickly you did the dishes the night before. He has seen a thousand photos of you and probably knows you really well if he for whatever reason hasn’t met you. Because Keigo is always stopping to visit on patrols, or begging you to come to see him at the agency for lunch or just a quick hello if you’re going to be passing through. When he gets to know you all he wants to do is make you feel good.

7. Aizawa Shouta- people probably wanted him higher on this list but idk he doesn’t scream simp to me. In public he def does NOT simp, he might stare at you a little too long if he isn’t expecting to see you and he’ll always smile back if you smile at him but don’t expect him to plaster pictures of you everywhere and constantly talk about how much he loves you because that isn’t his style. In PRIVATE though?? This man can simp for the right cause. And sir can this man SIMP. What do you want? A bath? Okay I can do that. Your favorite food? Sure that’s easy. Massage? You don’t even have to ask! He likes the effect he has on you, watching you get flustered and melt at his affection is something he starts to really enjoy the longer the pair of you stay together. 

8. Mirai Sasaki- At first he doesn't simp, but once you hit a few milestones he’ll start. He likes making you laugh, and seeing your smile is at the top of his priority list, he has tons of photos of you smiling and if anyone is having a bad day he’ll think of some silly story about you to tell to cheer them up. Like others, his intern, Mirio, has heard all about you and probably knows you really well. He probably made it a point to introduce you after working with Mirio for a while. Mirio probably sees you as a package deal at this point. 

9.Nemuri Kayama- Girl does NOT simp. You simp for her  and you like it that way, periodsm!!! No actually though at first she also doesn’t simp at all, she doesn’t care, she can have pretty much anyone she wants so if you don’t like her then you can pack it up and find someone else. But the longer you stay with her the more she starts to warm up to it, she likes seeing you happy, so going the extra mile even if it is a bit much for her is something she’s going to start doing more and more. She’ll remember all your favorite things and give you random gifts. She’ll take lots of photos of you to keep for herself  and she’ll send you plenty of her own. She starts to also find a lot of comfort in you and will be looking for ways to spend time with you.

10. Enji Todoroki- I aint explaining this. Mans aint no simp. 

[ramuoto]

TOP 10 MANHWAs

if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas. 

well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO. 

so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :) 

anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)

for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me. 

pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/

1. Ebony

https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony

Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI. 

p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that. 

2. Bring the love

https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love

This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)

3.  A Stepmother's Märchen

https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen

When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.

Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

4.  Lady Baby

https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby

I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON! 

5.  Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess

https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess

am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting! 

i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.

6.  Beware of the Villainess!

https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess

do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!

again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!

it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.

7.  Who Made Me a Princess

https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess

what? why did i choose this?

BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)

i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D 

8.  The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud

https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud

i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.

anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason. 

no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*

9.  Solo Leveling

https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling

why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough. 

the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper. 

im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death. 

cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.

10.  The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion

https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion

okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?

COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!

and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA. 

11. Doctor Elise 

https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise 

Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.

12.  Seduce the Villain's Father

https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father

This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.

13.  The Villainess Lives Twice

https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice

This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky! 

14.  The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady

https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady

I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol. 

15.  I'm Stanning the Prince

https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince

Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML.  and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu. 

16.  The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3

17. Inso's Law

ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):

18.  Why Are You Doing This, Duke?

HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI. 

19.  Miss Not-So Sidekick

Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.

20.  IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone

omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!

still not enough?

Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.

I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.

Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.

Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.

The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though. 

A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.

Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.

This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.

The Duchess With an Empty Soul  - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.

A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.

Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!

The Evil Lady's Hero  - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!

The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.

The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo

Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!

The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.

Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...

The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/

I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more... 

La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.

The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.

The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!

Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further. 

Past loves 

I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.

Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though. 

Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.

I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh. 

This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.

Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her. 

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 6: Buckshot and Tequila

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

AO3 Link

Finally, I write most of the chapter before the day I’m supposed to post it. This was mostly done on my laptop (which I’m not used to) as we just moved and my PC is barely set up, so forgive anything that looks weird or wonky. As always, I hope you enjoy. I love getting all your kind messages <3 (Also message me if you want to be on the taglist - I suppose I should be better about that!)

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 6, Buckshot and Tequila

Chapter Summary: Events during a new case test your ability to keep your feelings hidden, and a night out takes an unforeseen turn. 

Words: 3736

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

Turns out, lying to Hotch was easier than you thought.

It helped that you were lying to yourself too, of course - that you pretended your gaze didn't linger on his form whenever he was in your vicinity, that the swell of pride in your chest when he agreed with something you said was purely professional. There were times, though, that the facade was much harder to maintain. The most recent case had been one of those times.

You had been tracking down an unsub abducting children in a rural Iowa town. Three kids had gone missing in the span of two weeks, and after Garcia matched the victimology and MO with neighboring states, it looked to be close to a dozen in the years before that. The case started off rough enough - locals refused to believe it could be one of their own, police resisted the BAU’s guidance, the usual - but it came to a head when a fourth child went missing during the investigation.

Thankfully, the team figured out the identity of the unsub relatively quickly. Reid did a geographical profile of all the locations where victims were taken and found a public health clinic that had branches in each area. Garcia cross-checked the employee records to find that only one doctor had done travel shifts at each clinic during the time the children were taken, and within minutes, you were rushing to his address.

The SUV carrying Hotch, Rossi, and Prentiss arrived long enough before yours that by the time you pulled up, they were already kicking down the door and entering the home. The first thing you heard after you flung the car door open was the deafening crack of a weapon firing, and despite your lack of training with firearms, it was apparent that it was not an FBI-issue pistol.

You would never describe yourself as fragile - you couldn't be, not in this line of work. But when you registered the implications of that sound, your knees buckled, instantly bringing you down onto the dusty ground outside the farmhouse. The rest of the team sprinted in, guns drawn. You faintly registered Prentiss yelling inside, then more gunshots, but your head was ringing so loudly from the visceral panic that you couldn’t make out anything specific.

When Hotch burst back out onto the porch, you thought you might honestly sob with relief. That is, until you caught the glint of the sun in the slick, dark blood dripping down the sleeve of his suit.

That was when you puked.

Something about the sight of Aaron Hotchner bleeding felt so wrong that even as you struggled to your feet and stepped over the pile of sick you left in the dirt, even as you got closer and saw the rivulets of blood drip down to his fingertips and dot the wooden floors of the porch, you felt like you were in a dream. Your mind couldn’t grasp the sudden shock of his mortality, that he could bleed, that he could die, even, and he very well might, depending on what vessels were hit. You made it up the steps, only managing to call out his name - his first name - your throat still burning from bile. Despite the chaos of the current moment, he still whipped his head around at the sound of that, as if hearing the name Aaron desperately falling from your lips was more attention-grabbing than the rest of the team gathering around him trying to stem the bleeding.

“It looks worse than it is,” said Rossi, peering through the holes in Hotch’s mangled sleeve. “It was just buckshot, and he barely hit you. Nothing a few stitches won’t fix.”

He turned out to be right, thank god, and later that afternoon, Hotch was freshly bandaged and sitting across from you on the return flight to Quantico.

So, yeah, the “lying to yourself” thing wasn’t going so well at that moment. Hotch was absorbed in paperwork while the rest of the team napped - because of course he was; even being shot didn’t sway his apparently relentless refusal to relax - and each time he winced at the movement of his arm, your vice grip around your chest tightened a little more.

He must have sensed you staring, because he looked up, frown softening slightly as he saw the concern on your face.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” he assured you with a half smile.

Teetering on an emotional precipice, too scared to respond for fear of falling over the edge, you went back to your reading. After a few minutes of listening to him write while not turning a single page in your book, he set his pen down and took a breath.

“You were screaming my name,” he said, quietly, despite you two being the only ones awake.

“What?”

“Earlier,” he clarified, “when we went into the house. I could hear you outside, yelling my name.”

You looked at him, incredulous. “Of course I did. I heard the shotgun go off. Clearly,” you gestured at his arm, “I had a reason to be worried.”

He shook his head and cleared his throat, as if you didn’t understand the question. “Dave and Emily were with me. Any of us could have gotten hit. You only yelled for me.”

Oh.

You shrugged. “You’re the team leader. It’s my instinct to call for you when something goes wrong."

It was a lie, and a bad one at that, but Hotch gave you an unreadable look and let the subject drop.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and when you finally made it back to your apartment, you had no plans other than to sleep off the stress of the case and the embarrassment of Hotch calling your actions into question. Garcia, however, wasn't about to let that happen.

BAU-tiful People Group Chat

Garcia: *added You to the conversation*

Garcia: Ok, my lovely children, I know you’re all tired, but I miss your faces, so I’ll see u at Whimsy tonight at 9! Notice I didn’t use a question mark bc it is NOT a question!

You knew from overhearing the team talk that Whimsy was a bar downtown they liked to frequent, but you’d never been invited before. Despite your overwhelming exhaustion, the idea of going out with the team, of finally feeling accepted by them, was enough to make you amenable to the concept. It may have seemed insignificant on the surface, but Garcia adding you to their group chat was the biggest welcome gesture you’d received yet.

Morgan: Only if you wear that dress you know I like ;)

You lived for the day they would realize they were actually flirting with each other instead of just pretending to.

Prentiss: Garcia… you’re killing me… but you know I’ll be there.

JJ: Contacting the babysitter as we speak.

Morgan: Fuck yeah!!! Pretty Boy, you in?

Reid: Can’t we ever go somewhere quiet?

As the group chimed in with various iterations of, “Shut up, Reid,” you hesitantly typed out a text to confirm your attendance. You were excited, of course, but nervous to be the new kid at their favorite hangout. After today's events, though, the desire not to be sober won out over nerves.

You: I’ll be there! Thanks for the invite!

Rossi: Hope you kids are ready for me to drink you under the table, as usual.

Morgan: Eyyy, you KNOW we party hard! See y’all tonight.

____________

Turns out, Morgan was not exaggerating. Not even a little bit. By the time you arrived, 15 minutes late, everyone looked to be at least 3 shots deep. Garcia ran over to greet you, squealing, and wrapped you in a suffocating hug.

“I’m so glad you came! What do you drink? Tequila? I’ll grab the next round!”

You laughed and confirmed that tequila sounded great, and as she scurried off to the bar with Morgan on her heels, you had a chance to look around.

The atmosphere of the club surprised you - it was all glass and steel and modernity, packed with people dancing to something with intense bass - not the low-key joint you’d pictured the team wanting to unwind at. But as you watched JJ, Prentiss, and Rossi cheer on Reid as he threw back a shot, doubling over in hysterics as he coughed and sputtered at the taste, you realized that this place was just loud and energetic enough to keep them from thinking about anything other than work. In that way, you definitely saw the appeal.

“I come bearing shots!” Garcia yelled as her and Morgan made it back to the table. “Grab yours… here we go- whoops! Alright, everyone got theirs?”

She turned to you, grinning behind a pair of hot pink spectacles. “Cheers not ONLY to rescuing four kidnapped children alive, but also to our lovely intern and her first Whimsy outing!”

The team erupted in cheers and you smiled back, downing the tequila. You chatted with the group while Garcia ordered more drinks, and then more drinks, and soon you felt a pleasant buzz filling your head.

“Morgan, you better ask me to dance right now before I go find another man to do the job,” Garcia said with a wink in his direction.

Morgan grinned and mock-bowed, holding out a hand for her to take, and led her off to the dancefloor.

“Should we join them?” JJ asked around the table.

“Someone’s gotta make sure they don’t do anything worth getting kicked out for,” Prentiss shot back. You giggled and followed the girls, leaving Rossi and Reid behind at the table in the midst of a heated debate about childhood brain development that you couldn’t even hope to comprehend.

Not long after you started dancing, you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder and turned around, looking up into the stunning green eyes of a man who looked to be about your age. It was hard to really tell what he looked like in the dim lighting, but by the way Prentiss was giving you a thumbs up and mouthing, “Go for it,” from your side, he was good enough for you.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked above the music. You smiled and nodded in confirmation, letting him wrap his arms around your waist and pull you to his hips.

He knew how to move, that was for certain. He ground against your backside lightly, snaking his hands around your stomach. You weren’t used to this kind of thing - dancing with random men at bars, letting them touch you like this - but the combination of the music and the booze and the relief at the last case being over was making you feel more free than you had in recent memory.

You exchanged grins with Morgan, who was dancing a few feet away in a much more R-rated manner with Garcia. The man behind you (whose name you didn’t know, but who cared?) leaned down to kiss your neck and you arched against him in response, reaching up to run your hand through his hair.

Throughout the song, you had rotated back to facing the table where the rest of your team was sitting. You glanced over, saw Reid and Rossi still deep in discussion, along with another man in a black button-up with a very familiar side profile and-

Hotch.

Hotch was here, and as if the powers that be were insistent upon proving to you that the opposite of serendipity existed, at the exact moment you had that realization, he turned and made direct eye contact with you. Drunk, wearing a skintight dress, a random man grinding on your ass, and staring right back at your Unit Chief at the motherfucking Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Your heart dropped to your stomach, and if you had been drunker, you might have hurled tequila all over the dancefloor. Instead, you pulled away from the mystery man behind you, ignoring his shocked, “Wait!” and beelined to the bar.

“Tequila. Shot. Please, I’m sorry, just saw someone I didn’t expect to,” you blurted out to the bartender, swearing you could feel Hotch’s eyes on your back from across the club.

The bartender, probably having seen much worse, nodded in understanding and poured your drink. You gulped it down, wiped your mouth, and leaned on the bar to get your bearings.

It’s not weird. It’s not. It’s a bar, it’s outside of work hours, it’s perfectly fine that you’re buzzed and dancing and having fun. Everyone else is!

Really, it wasn’t that you were worried about your job, or even that he would judge you (he probably would, but that was unavoidable regardless of the setting), it was just that you hadn’t mentally prepared yourself for the possibility that he would come. He was in the group chat - obviously, if he had seen Garcia’s invite - but had never struck you as the social type, the kind of boss that would interact with his team outside of work.

“Did you see that Hotch is here?” Prentiss asked breathlessly, appearing at the bar beside you.

Apparently, you weren’t the only one surprised.

“I did,” you whispered back, despite the thumping music and the rowdy patrons making it logically impossible for your words to reach the table 20 feet away. “Does he usually join you guys?”

“Never,” she said, before thinking and correcting herself, “Not in years, anyways. When Haley… we used to drag him out, but we stopped after a while.”

“Why do you think he came tonight?"

She shrugged. “Who knows? Far be it from me to explain why Hotch does anything.” An idea seemed to pop in her head, and she grinned. “Maybe it’s because of you!”

“M-me?” Your reaction to the suggestion wasn’t nearly as nonchalant as you’d tried for, but Prentiss was too drunk to notice.

“Yeah, gotta help initiate the intern on her first night out, right?” She grinned and clapped you on the shoulder, then turned away to head back to the dancefloor, leaving you alone. You sighed, gathered yourself as much as you could considering the effects of the tequila, and turned around to go greet him.

“Hey, Agent Hotchner. Didn’t expect to see you tonight!”

“Yes, well. Thought I’d show up for a bit; it’s been a while.” He gave you a tight lipped smile then looked back down at his glass of whisky, the awkward energy palpable.

Probably because he just saw you basically dry-humping some random dude.

“Well, I’m glad you came! Feel free to, uh, come dance if you want! Morgan and Garcia are showing us all up,” you said, gesturing to where Morgan and Garcia were in fact drawing the attention of several onlookers.

He chuckled at that. “They’re certainly a sight to behold, aren’t they?”

You nodded in agreement and headed back to the bar, the brief conversation pointing you towards yet another drink. Talking to him was so easy , sometimes, and others it was like pulling teeth to get a human response out of him. Could you blame him, though? Your last one-on-one interaction was you basically inviting yourself over to his apartment with takeout and listening to him spill his guts about his dead wife and kid, and he probably felt uncomfortable with you after that, and then you went right to this case without any chance for things to go back to normal, and then he got shot, and oh my god, you didn’t even ask him how his arm was doing, how fucking rude can you be, dumbass? and-

“Whoops! Shit, I’m sorry!”

You looked at the person you’d just bumped into in the midst of your internal crisis.

“Hey, it’s you!”

The man you’d been dancing with earlier, now much more obviously handsome in the brighter lights of the bar area, grinned in recognition.

“Hey, I thought I’d scared you off there!”

You laughed and shook your head. “No, I’m sorry. Just saw my boss and freaked out a little bit.”

“Oh shit, your boss is here?” he asked. “That’s uncomfortable, damn. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, it’s just… yeah. Anyways. Wanna pick up where we left off?” you asked, more desperate than ever to get Hotch out of your head. If he didn’t want to see you having a wild night, he shouldn’t have come to the club.

He took your hand, looking pleased. “Lead the way.”

It really was so much easier, you thought, to let yourself feel attraction for guys like this. Uncomplicated, willing to take what you give them, no backstory to speak of. They weren’t riddled with tragic history, unattainable in both position and personality, not to mention impossible to even imagine ever returning your feelings. Guys like Cooper (you’d finally learned his name somewhere amid the grinding and groping) were easy and fun and they didn’t keep you up at night agonizing over whether that thing you said at work was impressive enough.

But then again, they didn’t give you the roller-coaster feeling in your stomach that Aaron Hotchner did every time you locked eyes.

And lock eyes you did - an increasingly frequent number of times, actually. It seemed like whenever you turned to face his direction, he was staring you down. He always went back to his conversation with Rossi and Reid, but you noticed that he seemed to get more and more pissed off with every song that played. His frown was deepened, his expression dark, and you could tell even from a distance that his knuckles were white from gripping his glass.

You shrugged it off as Hotch being Hotch - who knew what that man was thinking? And besides, you were trying to forget him, damn it. At least, that was until a particularly raunchy song came on and you were in the middle of getting your ass felt up, when you felt a hand squeeze your shoulder and whip you around, bringing you face-to-face with your boss himself.

“Hey, what’s going on? Is something wrong?” you asked, utterly bewildered as to why he was interrupting you.

He ignored you, instead staring down Cooper, who very quickly decided Hotch wasn’t one to fuck with and walked away.

“Hotch! Is there a case? Should I grab the others?”

He shook his head. “Can you come with me, please?”

Perplexed, you acquiesced (not that you had much of a choice, with the way he was gripping your elbow) and followed him through the crowd, out the back door, and into an alley. He let go of you then, sighing and crossing his arms.

Your mind was wild with questions - did you do something you shouldn’t have? Get too drunk? Everyone was drunk, though, and you weren’t even half as wasted as some of the others. Did Reid or Rossi tell him something bad about you? Were you about to somehow get yourself fired off the clock?

“The boy you were dancing with was bad news,” he said, after an uncomfortably long period of silence.

What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” you repeated, this time out loud, and you knew you shouldn’t be talking to him like this, but you were too caught off guard to conduct yourself more appropriately.

“He was a drug user,” Hotch said, as if that would explain everything.

“A drug user,” you repeated back, no less confused.

“Cocaine,” he continued. “He was high - his pupils were dilated, he was rubbing his nose, and he's been to the bathroom several times.”

“So… you’re going to arrest him? For doing cocaine?” you asked, still baffled as to what he was insinuating.

“What? No,” he said, “I’m trying to warn you not to get involved.”

You had entered some parallel universe, you decided. There was no other explanation for your boss, a man you’d known all of four months, dragging you outside a bar on a Friday night and telling you not to dance with a hot stranger because he was on cocaine.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself before you really did get yourself fired. “Sir, I appreciate the concern, but I don’t think it’s really any of your business.”

His face hardened at that. “It is exactly my business,” he said, eyes boring a hole through your skull, “to watch out for things that may compromise my team.”

“Compromise your team?” you repeated his words again. “I was dancing, not getting engaged to the guy.”

“Should I allow you to dance with a sexual sadist if it’s just dancing?” he pressed, using the stern voice that usually caused any sort of dissent to whither and die right in your throat.

It didn’t work this time, probably because he was acting fucking insane. “Are you seriously comparing a sexual sadist to a guy who does cocaine while he’s out partying?”

“It’s not just while he’s out partying, by the way he conducted himself, he was a chronic-”

“It doesn’t matter!” you said, nearly yelling now. “You had no right! I'm sorry, what are you, my dad?!”

His eyes flashed at that. “If I hadn’t already had to sit through an 8 hour surgery not knowing if Garcia was going to make it out alive because her date shot her, then perhaps I would have no right. But as it stands, I do. Please be more careful with who you associate with, even if it’s just dancing.”

He spat that last part out, more vitriolic than you’d ever seen him, and stalked back inside. You were left outside in the alley, alone, reeling from confusion surrounding the entire interaction and shock at the emotional charge he’d leveled at you.

Reentering the bar, you saw that Hotch’s seat had been vacated and his jacket was gone. You rolled your eyes, and on your way to the bathroom, nearly ran into Cooper again.

“Hey!” he said. “What was that all about? You good?”

You looked up at his face and for the first time, noticed faint traces of white dust around his nose. He looked keyed up, jumpy - his pulse racing and visible on his carotid. You sighed.

“I’m good. Just not in the mood right now, sorry,” and pushed past him into the bathroom.

Hotch was an emotionally stunted asshole with a control complex, but he was also never fucking wrong.

[hetacon]

Prom Queen: Chapter 4

First || Previous || Next

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Word Count: 1,800

Pairings: Endgame Prinxiety, Platonic LAMP, more could be included at a later point

Warning: Swearing, small food mention, let me know if there’s anything I missed!

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Summary: “Hey Virgil, tell us about yourself, yeah?” one of the girls asked, the guy she was just talking with fixing his gaze on to Virgil too.

(Make sure to read all the way to the end if you want my thoughts so far! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for this story, my art, or writing! Enjoy the chapter!)

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Virgil started to spend more time with the popular kids after they got back to school, something he never thought would be happening. They were gossipy and didn’t really appeal to Virgil as overall people but Roman was their friend so he started to get to know them for the sake of his best friend. He didn’t even really know them honestly, they almost never talked about themselves or their interests or anything in terms of personal information, the conversations almost consistently focused on the drama going around the school that day. There was something new every time they went over. For a solid month, he and Roman would go chat for a minute or two before going off to find Patton and Logan.

That was actually what they were just doing that day when one of Roman’s friends got Virgil’s attention.

“Hey Virgil, tell us about yourself, yeah?” one of the girls asked, the guy she was just talking with fixing his gaze on to Virgil too.

Virgil looked over to Madison if he remembered correctly, trying to hide most of his shock at the fact that she even addressed him. Not many of Roman’s friends acknowledged him much when they would go over but Virgil guessed they’d taken some interest in him. He had been coming over with Roman for quite a good while now, it figures they’d notice his presence at some point. He had to respond quick though, this chance couldn’t go to waste. “Uh, ok, what do you want to know?”

“What kind of music do you listen to?” Well, an odd question to start off with.

Virgil shrugged a bit. “Eh, just what everyone else listens to, you know? Not really anything in particular. It’s not like I really look for songs to listen to by anyone specific.”

Roman nudged him with a snort. “Since when has this ever been the case? If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re emo through and through,” he said, a certain fondness to his look. Virgil bumped his shoulder with a laugh back, fixing him with a playful glare.

“And what if I can like things that you don’t expect of me, huh?” Virgil asked with a slight tease. Roman simply raised an eyebrow but shrugged, letting the argument go without much more of a struggle. Roman wasn’t wrong though, he still listened to everything that he had before, none of it had changed despite what he said. Definitely none of what people usually listened to. He was never one to follow trends with music or otherwise and Roman unfortunately knew that.

“Do you do anything interesting?” one of the people joining the conversation asked.

“Things here and there, not exactly much. School is a drag, takes up way too much of my time to actually let me focus on anything even remotely interesting,” Virgil said calmly, trying to look casual. He hoped it was working, he felt like a nervous wreck. With a few laughs and a “Fuck yeah it is!” he mustered up the courage to add in, “I draw if that counts for anything.”

“Oh yeah? Mind if we take a look?”

Virgil nodded and rummaged through his bag, finding a leather bound book. This one happened to be his more serious one, he had another that was far more personal stashed away. Only Roman, Patton, and Logan ever saw that one, and not even in its full entirety. The personal one had gotten a lot more use than the one currently in his hands. Virgil slid the book over the table and he watched as it was opened to a page of really messy scribbles in the shape of a distraught person’s face. He’d remembered drawing that one, he was in the middle of history sophomore year having a panic attack but was too nervous to ask to step outside.

“Woah, this is cool man,” Tyler said as he looked over it, others nodding in agreement. They proceeded to flip through the pages for a bit while they took turns asking him more questions.

With so much talk, Virgil noticed Roman jump up suddenly, tugging at Virgil’s sleeve frantically. “Pat and Specs!” he explained before packing up his things frantically. “So sorry guys, I need to talk to them before we have to go to class! I’ll catch up with you tomorrow!” he shouted out as he started speed walking, Virgil in tow. Virgil barely managed to collect up his stuff before he was at Roman’s side, seeing the slightest crease between Roman’s eyebrows. As relieved as Virgil was to be away from all of the questions and potential judgement, he noticed Roman was in a big rush. He couldn’t really place why.

“Hey, you uh.. You ok? What’s up?” Virgil asked, relieved as Roman slowed down a little as they turned a corner.

“I just want to get to Pat and Specs, they’re our friends you know?” Roman asked with a bit of an edge before sighing. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect you to uh.. Hit it off so much with them, I usually just say a quick hello really,” he explained.

“Really? You think so?” Virgil really hoped he was impressing the popular kids, they were Roman’s friends after all. If he was having luck with them, he wasn’t going to lose Roman that easily. He couldn’t possibly do that, not when he’d already put so much at risk.

“Yeah but anyone who doesn’t like you how you are is insane,” Roman said lowly. Virgil thought he saw Roman’s jaw clench for a second but he quickly looked ahead of them as Roman glanced over.

Virgil was tackled in a hug by Patton, causing him to smile as he hugged back. He didn’t smile for long though as the bell rang, causing Roman to sigh. He looked over, laughing a little awkwardly. “Ha, sorry Ro, didn’t mean to make us so late.”

Roman shrugged. “It’s ok, just means we’ll have to get here as soon as possible tomorrow!” With that, he and Logan started to talk as they headed to class together.

Virgil watched as Roman walked away from him and Patton and he frowned slightly before Patton was nudging his shoulder and nodding his head to the direction of their classes.

Virgil nodded back and started walking, burying his hands deep into his pockets. He really wished he had his usual hoodie to pull over his head and hide from the world. His bangs would have to do, giving him a good look at the sickeningly sweet pink he’d decided on a month prior. Who let him do that again?

“Hey, you ok?” Patton asked, silently offering Virgil a cookie. Snickerdoodle today, Virgil would’ve usually loved it.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Virgil told him. “I’m not hungry, thanks though.”

Patton looked at him with a worried look for a second before sighing, taking a bite of the cookie himself. “Alright Virge, if you say so. Who knows, maybe some rest is all you need, make sure you go easy on yourself!”

Virgil agreed, looking ahead of them.

He went home that day and went through the motions in a haze, glad when he finally got out of his disgustingly bright outfit. He stared blankly at the wall when he got a text from Roman.

“Hey, sorry I was so tense where we left things off.. I promise you didn’t do anything, that was all me.”

“What was up with that?” Virgil texted back.

Roman’s response took a minute before it popped up on Virgil’s screen. “I don’t know, I just didn’t expect them to really take such an interest in you. They can be a bit... Stuffy. Like, all the time, I much prefer hanging out with you, Pat, and Specs.”

“I mean, they’re your friends right? They asked me questions, I answered.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Some of your answers surprised me though lol, you are truly a dark and stormy knight after all!”

“Hey, I’m allowed to expand my tastes, aren’t I? You got me into some of your dumb musicals after all.”

“They are not dumb, take that back you jerk!”

Virgil snorted, hugging his pillow to his chest as he typed out another message. “Oh yeah? Make me, you pompous thespian drama queen.”

“I just might!”

Before Virgil could respond, Roman shot him a quick text reading “Shit, GTG, I need to run a few scenes before I sleep! Until tomorrow~!”

“Go chase your dreams of ‘professional make believe’ as Logan would say, night.”

As an afterthought, Virgil tacked on a red heart before blushing harshly, cursing into his hands. He really did that, no taking that one back now was there?

Either way, check in time. Roman was still his friend, they just had a normal conversation like two human beings ought to be able to have. While he seemed a little off-put by some of the changes Virgil was talking about, he didn’t seem to take it as a serious offense so a plus there. The clothes were horrible, Virgil still hated his hair, but he was doing this for Roman so he’d suck it up. Roman’s friends were starting to like him, they liked his art so that was good. Luckily they latched on to something he couldn’t lie about.

Just as Virgil was about to go to bed, another notification popped up on his phone, this time from an unknown number. Virgil stared at it for moment, his brow furrowed. He opened it though and read it.

“Hey Virgil, this is Madison! Got ur number from Roman’s phone lol, hope u don’t mind sweetie!”

Well, he kind of did mind but putting that aside-

“Hi, did you need anything?”

“Not rn but I might! Just wanted to have ur number just in case. Anyways, I’m going to bed, see u tomorrow!”

Virgil nodded to himself before he got one more text.

“BTW loveeeee ur artwork, keep up the good work bby!”

This was certainly... Bizarre. He didn’t expect to ever have the number of a popular girl in his phone but he never knew high school would be this insane. He’d survive this though, for Roman if nothing else. And if not, he just might lose Roman forever and never be able to forget about it for as long as he lives! Ok, breathe Virgil, breathe...

Things would work out, Virgil was going to make sure they did or die trying. Nobody, Roman included, could think to stop him now.

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More Prom Queen content huh? Anyways hey hey hey guys! How’d you like the newest chapter?

To be honest, I’m not sure how to feel about this one. I feel like all of my writings sound like they’re in an echo chamber. Like as if the events are completely isolated and don’t fit into an expansive narrative and existence. I have no idea if that makes a bit of sense, it might just be my depression tbh? It’s been kicking my butt more than usual.

But Virgil is finally getting noticed by the popular kids, woohoo! This obviously can’t go wrong! We shall see what Virgil will be getting up to with time!

As always, feel free to leave comments or send me asks and whatnot if you want to talk with me about the story! I’d love to hear from you guys!

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Taglist: @artissijules, @virgils-paranoia, @its-the-cat-queen, @myyoutubecorner, @marshmallow-the-panda, @anotheregofanficblog, @tssidesfamily, @shapa-likes-art, @isabelle-stars, @falsemood, @katlikethesword