#on how you experienced the first story??? its crazy its so good
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The Murderbot Diary Fic Recs
I have some Murderbot fic recs. This isn't a best-of list, rather it's meant to showcase just a tiny fraction of how wide a range of amazing fic is out there. (AARH Edit how did I misspell Murderbot in the title?)
Gen Fic: That The Light Is Everything Ratthi goes missing. Deals with themes of grief and loss. The author asks the reader to trust them, and that trust is really paid off in this rich and moving fic.
Priority Client SecUnit has to look after one of Mensah's adolescent kids during a crisis. It gets off to a hilarious start with SecUnit nervously being made to hold a baby while it downloads child-rearing mauals. The fic as a whole is fun, exciting, and sweet.
Plastic Plague People on Preservation face an extended life-changing environmental crisis. This one's thought provoking and a bit 'heavy.' Heartwarming, but not an easy feel-good fic. One of those fics where you can spend a lot of time thinking about the themes.
More Gen Fic, Emphasis on Original Characters:
Background Radiation In this Corporation Rim is Hell story, Nico flees home with his autistic brother Luca to keep Luca safe. Sadly Nico faces his own new challenges as he brings the messed up philosophy of the Rim with him to his new home.
Survivor Murderbot and Co. try to assist an OC SecUnit who has been through major trauma. But is this SecUnit a danger to others? How much will they risk for the victim versus those who were complicit in its mistreatment? This OC really made a powerful impression on me.
Life Partnership, Romance, or Ambiguous (Gen Edition) (Categorizing fic when one or more characters is asexual can get kind of confusing. Lines get fuzzy.
Parallel Signaling (ART/SecUnit) ART POV for Artificial Condition through Exit Strategy, but that really doesn't capture the originality of this story. It is very much NOT just a canon retelling. I felt I knew ART better after reading this.
It will Fail on You (ART/SecUnit) Long life sounds like a happy thing, but what if you were offered a chance to live ~200 years, and you never expected to live long enough to grieve your humans? https://archiveofourown.org/works/67137652/chapters/173365222
Made for each Other (Gurathin/Murderbot) An interesting take on Gurathin's augments and how they affect how he relates to Murderbot.
Is it Slash if there is No Sex? Kink and Desire
That Time I Got Drunk And Yeeted A Love Potion At A SecUnit (Gurathin/Murderbot, kissing, bondage) In this hilarious story, SecUnit gets accidentally drugged and feels an overwhelming impulse to tie Gurathin up and revel in the fact that he is now Safe. From what? Who knows! He's just Safe. He has been Secured.
Boots (Gurathin/Murderbot) Maintenance and Repair as kink and love. The sequel Guns is explicit. The first fic Boots is more about taking care of things and people (for AO3 it's rated "other.")
Explicit (But It Might Not Look Like What You Expect):
You (Gurathin/Murderbot, WIP) There are some cases where sex or touch-averse people feel differently about being the one doing the touching versus the one being touched. As of chapter 12, this slow burn story currently shows Murderbot working through past trauma and realizing it is capable of experiencing touch in a positive way. I want to quote Gurathin's check-in protocol because it's a delight, but this post is crazy-long already.
Shared Senses (Gurathin/Murderbot) Riding the feed allows Murderbot to experience sex. https://archiveofourown.org/series/4914649
Enemies, Closer WIP, multiple pairings involving Murderbot, Gurathin, ART, and an OC CombatUnit This story is it's so much sweeter than you might guess from the tags. Which is not to downplay the tags but like, all the people the reader cares about are trying and mostly succeeding at being good people. The dark stuff is done by the bad guys and isn't excessively drawn out or graphic.
[Redacted] I really wanted to link a fic which does something that I haven't seen before--it shows a couple go through a temporary period of sexual activity which ends after one party comes to a realization about what they want. Pretty cool to see that in a fic! But I'm told that author has been a target of harassment in the past so I felt hesitant to link it. Also my description just spoiled it. Go read enough fic and you can have the pleasure of stumbling across it blind!
Rarepairs or Rare Interpretations:
the rhythm of the rain keeps time (Gurathin & Mensah, some romantic feelings do arise) Gurathin makes a slow recovery from drug use and trauma, with Mensah's help. Note that although listed as unfinished, this fic is actually a series of time-consecutive shorts. At least of present, there's no cliffhanger.
Secrets (Murderbot & Gurathin, unrequited.) Gurathin's backstory here is fascinating, the story's take on the frenemyship is fascinating, and there is also an amazing sequel which is nearing completion. (The sequel is also unrequited--rare in fic but so common in real life! Which is one of the themes of the sequel--the gulf between stories dramatic enough to get made into fic, and thus which play a large part in SecUnit's knowledge of the world, versus ordinary life.)
Adjustment Period (Gurathin/Ratthi) The Corporation Rim is Hell, except instead of depressing, this author created a hilarious set of cultural conflicts. If you don't usually read romance, you might still like this as the focus is on the culture clash.
Humor: Human Friends Murderbot muses on its relationship with Gurathin, Three muses on its relationship with Ratthi (uhh I didn't manage to communicate the funny bits but this did make me laugh)
Maintenance Manual for SecUnits models 36b-27f Mensah POV! Everyone else too, but especially Mensah. It turns out that surrpisingly, the maintenance manual is useful not just for maintenance, but for understanding SecUnit's needs. This fic does have a serious side but it's also hilarious.
This list is a follow-up to this post, where I talked about why I support portraying asexual characters in a whole range of ways, and how Murderbot fanfic is such a trove of fiction wrestling with these themes. I could have made a whole post just examining all the different ways people approach "shippy" themes! In this case I wanted to show a variety so I listed a lot of non-shippy fic too. But there's so much thought and care in the shippy fic, I hate it when people dismiss these stories as ignoring Murderbot's identity.
This took ages and I only scratched the surface. (If I rec stuff in the future I'll probably just quote the AO3 summary.) And there's so much fic I haven't read yet, even by authors I know I like. Happy Reading!
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when people say Conrad is immature for pining after Belly for four years, I just wonder if they've ever experienced love before.
he doesn't PINE for her, first off. its not like he spent all four years dreaming about her - he tried to move on. why else would he have never come to visit???
second, yes he didn't get with other girls for 4 years because yes there was no comparison in his eyes, but also he's damaged. Conrad stopped being with Belly because he was damaged and he was hurting her. he doesn't want to do that to someone again. (in the books too he does try to date, its just also hard when he's still grieving).
third, he tried so hard to find happiness without her but that's also hard when that person was such a huge part of your life AND his brother probably talks about her. I have friendships that have been over for years that I still get sad about and wish we could fix things - did I move on? yes. but that doesn't mean when those friends come up again I don't still remember the good old days and get sad. he LOVED her and LOST her while he was also losing his mom. that's a huge gaping hole that was left in his heart. that's not something you can just get over.
fourth, Conrad has "pined" for Belly for years. before they were together, and after. he distances himself from them BECAUSE he doesn't want to get in the way of Jeremiah and Belly. that is not immaturity. thats MATUREity. Jeremiah, who had liked Belly for like a single summer before her and Conrad got together, pined for her and purposely wedged himself between her and Conrad. THATS immaturity. "pining after his brothers girl is immature" Oh okay so we agree that Jeremiah is immature? Considering he was fully aware of Conrad and Bellys feelings for each other when he pined after and dated Belly?
fifth, I wouldn't say any character in this show is fully mature. they're all young adults, and being in a love triangle with two brothers is naturally an immature thing. but there are things that are more immature and more damaging than others. being in love with someone for years but trying not to make it known so it doesn't hurt anyone else can be seen as immature, but it's also way more mature than anything either Jeremiah or Belly have done combined.
six, love isn't just something you get over. that's the point. if he loved her and then just moved on and stopped loving her in only 4 years, it wouldn't sound very much like love. he loved her as kids, and he loves her now. not to mention it was first love - which is even harder to get over. Belly said herself she still loves Conrad!! a part of her will ALWAYS love him!! she just had an easier time moving on (despite still loving him) bc she was able to villainize him, which is what he wanted so she COULD move on. Conrad knew he just fucked up. and loving someone and knowing you lost them bc you messed up is even harder to move on from because there's no closure.
lastly, Conrad holds in all of his feelings and never once tried to get in between Belly and Jere DESPITE BEING IN LOVE WITH HER, he was going to be the best man to the woman he loves wedding. the ONLY reason he ever tells her his feelings if bc he finds out that Jeremiah is a cheating dirt bag and he suddenly couldn't live with himself if Belly DID marry him. how is that immature??
Jeremiah cheated on her and then proposed to fix it when Belly was emotionally vulnerable and Conrad silently loving her and only getting in the way when he's afraid Jeremiah WILL hurt her is more immature?? make it make sense.
moral of this story, yeah every character is immature. that's kinda the point. it's a coming of age story, they have to GROW as people. but saying Conrad silently loving the woman he dated BEFORE Jeremiah ever dated is more immature than literally anything Jeremiah ever does is wild. crazy work.
#anti jelly#i went on a rant im sorry#but its actually insane#like?????? what?#like whos going to therapy and trying so hard to move on???#and whos marrying his brothers girl without a cent to his name or any plans for supporting her????#the summer i turned pretty#bonrad#conrad fisher
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i think one of the things that makes toby fox's writing so great is his ability to tell a compelling narrative AND metanarrative at the same time. undertale isn't JUST about how people play games and the need for completionism, and it isn't JUST the main story that you play through. it's both! and both are equally important.
and i think the same will be true for deltarune. some people tend to think of it as black and white when theorizing, either focusing too much on the meta aspects without taking the actual plot and character arcs into account, or doing the opposite and saying that the meta aspects aren't important and won't end up being relevant to the story. it's both! it's always been both!!!
#and also the way he's able to weave those two narratives together has always been rlly impressive to me#like undertale is a fantastically written game that makes you care about its world and its characters#and that means that a lot of players will thus want more ut content after finishing the game#which will lead to them eventually playing the no mercy route#the entire theme of which being that desire to consume more and more ''content'' out of a piece of media#even when its boring/upsetting/''not worth it''#and also the fact that you will never be able to experience it exactly how you did the first time again#and your initial attachment/emotional response to it will change and become more distant no matter what#like. the way that hes able to create a compelling story and then ON TOP OF THAT create ANOTHER compelling story that comments#on how you experienced the first story??? its crazy its so good#and i cannot fucking wait to see where he goes w deltarune and that kind of thing#serena.txt#undertale#deltarune#utdr#infizero.analysis
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Please more Trail's gone cold au I'm begging you I need it just pour out every thought in your brain I want to hear it
hgdhhfbd i mean, sure why not
everything plot related is in the main post, there's nothing else really to tell. but i could share random details that didn't really fit into the lore drop. again tho, it's a small au and mostly an exploration of the concept, so there's not a lot.
❄️ gem and etho are siblings, i don't think it was mentioned anywhere? blood related and all that, they both have black hair, gem just dyes hers.
❄️ behind the scenes reasons for the order of deaths. generally i picked these three to be the main cast because i suddenly realized pet crew were just dungeon master and his two winners, and that was too crazy of a concept to not do anything with? so, tango as the main guy and actual master of the dungeon had to die first, seeing how he's the cave's favorite. pearl as the main explorer and as the one to unlock all the secrets had to die second, because she had to return to the dungeon / the cave to find out the truth, and she conquered it but never actually got out. and etho had to survive, because he's the "proper" winner and the one who actually escaped the dungeon with treasures.
❄️ lore reasons for the order of infection. tango you already know, but pearl and etho went in at the same time so in theory they had to start experiencing the effects together. but because etho was wearing a mask it did lessen the amount of sculk he inhaled, slowing down the process. wear masks kids!
and, well, you did say you wanted to hear every thought so. i really like the plot point of them leaving tango to die, so im gonna ramble a little about it. even just, the difference in their views on the situation is so satisfying to me. because tango had no idea something scary was happening to him! and for pearl and etho it was a life or death situation. and just-- they were talking about leaving tango and tango obviously, obviously, protested, because what the actual hell??? yes okay he's ill and a burden, but don't leave an ill guy to freeze to death in a cave, what is wrong with them????? or, okay, what is wrong with etho, pearl was against the idea. but, straight up tango did not plan for it to end this way, he had his whole life ahead of him and so many things ha still wanted to do! of course he cried when they left, what else was he supposed to do? thank etho for his awesome decision? be all cool and stoic and sacrifice himself? hell no, he didn't want to die, he never asked for this.
he did die tho, so. whomp whomp 🎺... i imagine he passed before pearl and etho even reached the stairs, so at least he didn't suffer for long. if he had a breakdown about being left alone he probably hyperventilated and inhaled like a ton more sculk, so that killed him even faster. must've sucked tho...
and then pearl, god, pearl.... she didn't encounter any dangers on the way back, since she wasn't trying to escape and the cave had no reason to be hostile towards her. but seeing how she was at the last stage before turning... she probably didn't get to tango before collapsing... not dying just yet, but too feverish and too weak to walk. but if tango was already back, he could very much go and find her. can you imagine the pure horror of drowning in your regrets as you slowly die and then having your supposedly already dead friend appear in front of you all cheery and oh so wrong. i dont know how much of tango is left in that thing, but the image of him sitting by pearl and holding her until she dies is so-- its haunting but it's sweet. and then there's still enough time to catch up with etho.
actually, gahhhh, all three pet povs are their own unique horror story and it's so good.
the horror of having to go through this terrifying experience, and then being the only survivor, knowing full well that the only reason you lived is because you left your friends to die, and there's no way of fixing it now.
the horror of everything falling apart around you because of miscommunication, and then the one time you decide to do it right you end up regretting every single decision and witnessing the direct result of your mistakes come for you.
the horror of being stupid... the horror of losing all control over your life and being betrayed in the moment of your most vulnerability, dying fully and utterly helpless.
this au is so sad but i love it so much...
okay wow that's enough for one post, ask more if you want tho!
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Zero's Fic Binding - Sixpence In His Shoe

Sixpence In His Shoe by scifigrl47 [@scifigrl47]
Fandom: Marvel (Comics) Ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Start Date: 02/05/24 End Date: 01/21/25 Pages: 253
I am, honestly, probably the most proud of this cover. This might be the most detailed, delicate, intricate thing I’ve made - ever. I know I haven’t been doing this long, but this? This is really good.
The amount of layers in this bitch is astounding. Sometimes I yearn for the embrace of a better graphic software then Canva. We’ll get there. Anyway.

There is an Owlcrate special edition of The Longest Autumn that inspired the shit out of me for this, along with the version of The Fine Print that i saw in Target that was this beautiful lined foil design. The idea of a mirrored, hyper intricate lace-like cover that wove all the individual parts of the story together drove me crazy.
The vinyl is foil - which, if you are new to HTV and want to use it to make book covers, LISTEN: This foil sucks. All foil HTV sucks. It’s going to suck to cut. It’s going to REALLY suck to iron on. It will be worth it, but it’s going to try and drag your soul out of your body by your fingernails the entire time you’re using it.

Alright, lets talk about the process and the typeset.

The entire theme of this fic is marriage - in both that the characters got married, are having a wedding, and are desperately in love with each other despite not actually telling each other that before said marriage and wedding. I initially was going to do a blue and white theme, more along the lines of really flowery modern wedding invitations - but then I read the fic again.
I forgot about the first chapter. Reading again, I paid more attention to what everyone around them was doing to celebrate marriage being legal. The process of it. The traditional feel of how it was done. And that’s the hook that I followed instead.


Sixpence doesn't have chapter names - so instead I pulled some of the wedding traditions that I researched and used those as my chapter foundations.



Each chapter gets one, where I use the motif as the header and the scene breaks in the chapter. I also added the iconography to the chapter numbers in the header.



I made three of these in total. I fought this book every step of the way - I really needed to be a more experienced version of me to make this book the way I wanted to, but honestly? I literary did the best I could, and even I can tell that I did it.

The first copy of this book went to Sci - Its got a little extra character from being the first version, but out of the three sisters I made of this print run, she turned out the best looking. I'm keeping the most fucked up version (which is otherwise perfect, really, save for the fact that I put the FUCKING SPINE ON BACKWARDS), while the littlest sister is going to go to one of my best friends for a VERY belated gift.

This was a surprised gift for Sci - who had reached out to me almost 4 months ago and asked if they could maybe, possibly, have a copy of Maybe Tomorrow. I knew immediately that I wanted to make this for her too; I had the typeset in my Want To Make file since FEBRUARY OF 2024. So I dusted it off, dumped my other project to the side, and hyper focused on this book for about a month and a half.
Sci - I admire the fuck out of you. You are a gift and a treasure, and I hope you are ok with me getting my little racoon hands on your fics. Thank you for being open to my interpretation of your work. It’s a privilege and an honor to bind them.
If by some miracle, you have not had the pleasure of reading Sixpence In His Shoe - or any of Sci’s work, #1 what the fuck, #2 please start here.
#zeros fic binding#steve/tony#stony#stevetony#ficbinding#bookbinding#steve rogers/tony stark#mcu#2025 bind
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tokyo debunker : episode 19 yap ! (last part)
⚠️ : episode 19 spoilers !


BRUHHHHHHHHHHH
okay suddenly everything made so much sense
WE WERE ALL BRAINWASHED
YES INCLUDING US
the gaslighting and manipulation was INSANE


BRO WHAT THE HELL
so there was no highschool 😭
WE WERE ALL JUST BEING GASLIGHTED BY A GHOUL WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP ???



i never thought i would say this but like... i actually agree with leo for once. and am actually proud that he was telling mc to fucking get angry, something that all of us were hoping to tell her.
im glad he is somewhat (?) opening his emotions for her (still bratty but tolerable than the previous vagastrom episodes)
thank you devs for this slight character development in this boy



okay something major is going to happen towards the end of the main story of the game, i just know it.
its good that the chancellor is seeking advice from ed, who is known to roam the earth for a very long time
“this world will soon meet its demise.” WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT EDWARD 😭
small add ons !
this episode was a mindfucking episode
like brain was altered in so many ways and it was as if i was experiencing it along with them, which i really enjoyed.
because i was genuinely questioning why they did not recognise each other in the first few chapters of the episodes
i knew that institute agent was suspicious 😭 (cant trust anymore agents after this)
no but the anomalies being released unintentionally because we were being hypnotised was so crazy. maybe the reason why i didnt figure it out because i scanned through the part where dante was giving his lecture
so i didn't piece everything together until i replayed it one more time and everything made sense to me.
i think this episode was more informative (?) because we wanted alan's backstory on how he became a ghoul and how he was linked to dante. (after like 7-8 episodes, we finally GOT OUR ANSWERS)
their flashback really made me feel sad because alan was really REALLY close to his dad 💔
onwards, the constant reminders that mc only has 2 months to live EATS ME ALIVE
and not only that, luca defending mc is my forever favourite thing
AND SHO 😭 it was like this episode was made for the sho girlies 😭
and for the alan angst writers
and for the leo defenders 😭😭😭
OKAY NEXT EPISODE IS A FROSTHEIM (?) EPISODE ???? 😀
#tomi.rambles#tokyo debunker#mc tokyo debunker#incorrect tokyo debunker#vagastrom#alan mido#sho haizono#leo kurosagi
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ᯓ translation of Esteban Ocon interview for GQ France
Esteban Ocon the humble formula.
Formula 1 is experiencing a new era, propelled by a growing media hype and a generation of talented drivers. Among them, Esteban Ocon, the new face of the Haas team whose transfer caused a stir this winter. An outstanding competitor who, far from the limelight and the spotlight, favours work and determination to impose himself on the track.
A page has turned for Esteban Ocon this winter. After five seasons defending the colours of Renault and then Alpine, the driver has joined the American team Haas. As is often the case in the merciless world of F1, his transfer was accompanied by its share of feelings, misunderstandings, rumours, and sensational statements. The complicated season of the 28-year-old Frenchman, embellished by an unexpected second place at the Brazilian Grand Prix in early November, ended with an absence that caused a great deal of noise. During the final race of the year in Abu Dhabi, Alpine had indeed lined up its young reserve Australian Jack Doohan alongside Pierre Gasly, reserving Esteban Ocon a back door exit, after 106 Grand Prix contested under the colours of the French team.
But the Norman has seen others during his nine years behind a Formula 1 steering wheel. The real positive change - which he has been able to observe - is the explosion in the popularity of his sport, notably thanks to the Netflix documentary Drive to Survive and especially to the acquisition of F1 by Liberty Media.
"When I arrived in Formula 1 in 2016, I remember the holes in the stands in Austin. The first corner was not complete, he describes. This sport has never been so worked now, and to experience that as a driver is very special. It’s a crazy thing to arrive on the Fan Forum [a stage where drivers are invited for discussions or games on the sidelines of the Grands Prix] and to see a crowd of 80,000 people, you feel like a rock star."
The downside of this medal is constant media noise and vocal fans who exacerbate rivalries and forge reputations that are difficult to change. Type the name of the new Haas driver into YouTube, and you will quickly come across a video called "Why is it so hard to like Esteban Ocon?"
"There is always information that is distorted or taken out of context that will come out, and people who don't understand everything and are quick to criticize, the driver puts it into perspective. But to get back to Netflix, it can't be bad publicity to be [in this series] because it highlights the sport that I've always loved. Even if it's become more of a business than a sport."
I ask him if that hasn't always been the case.
"It's true that watching documentaries and series about Ayrton Senna, James Hunt, or Niki Lauda, you understand that business and politics have always been part of this sport. But I think we've moved to another level. Some drivers cope with it better than others. For me, the important thing is to see who stands out and who does a good qualifying lap in difficult conditions."
The headlines in the press and the buzz on social networks, the stories of drivers who go from heroes to zeros in the space of a race, Esteban Ocon prefers to distance himself from them.
"I understand that it makes the fans react, but it doesn't fascinate me at all," he admits. "I've learned to stay vigilant and know how to anticipate." That's all you ask of an F1 driver, after all."
A turning point in his career
Moreover, a week after his sad deal at Alpine, as the end-of-year holidays approached, the driver seemed to have already digested the episode. He was impatient to begin a new adventure but also to spend time with his family in Normandy.
"We had reached the end of the story with Alpine, and I can't wait to embark on a new challenge with a team that soared last year. I have grown from this period, and I am proud to have brought home the team's best results since my return to Formula 1 in 2016," said the winner of the Hungarian Grand Prix in 2021. "I obviously regret not having been able to fight more often for better positions over the years, and it is obviously not the ending I would have wanted. But it ended like that. One thing is for sure: it was the right time for a renewal."
We discussed his development since his F1 debut almost ten years ago. In 2016, Esteban Ocon became the youngest French driver in history to compete in a Grand Prix. He was barely 20 years old and was racing for the Manor team. After a season at Force India and a spell at Racing Point, the young driver joined Renault in 2020, where he obtained his first podium in Bahrain. A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then, but Esteban Ocon claims to have always followed the same mantra: getting out of his comfort zone. I ask him if a driver must necessarily change teams at some point to continue his progression. Does love last three years in F1?
"When you have a team and a car that win, there is no reason to change," he smiles.
While the media and social networks have reveled in the supposed tensions between the Alpine team and Esteban Ocon in recent months, and have serialized his rivalry with his teammate Pierre Gasly, the 28-year-old driver assures that his departure is due to a single desire: to embark on a new and exciting project to rediscover the pleasure on the track. But it is also a question of human relationships and trust. At Haas, Esteban Ocon will indeed be reunited with Ayao Komatsu, his very first F1 race engineer, who became the principal of the American team, who joined the paddock in 2016.
"He is not the type to make promises without having a plan to keep them. He explained to me his vision of things and the progress he envisaged for the team. As the races went on, I saw that these were not empty words, as there can be many in motorsport."
Haas went from tenth and last place in the constructors' standings in 2023 to seventh position in 2024. Last year, the team extended its collaboration with Ferrari for the engines and also formed a new technical partnership with Toyota. That said, Esteban Ocon knows that his mission does not look easy.
"We're going to have a lot of work both [with the young British driver Oliver Bearman]. We have a huge project on the simulator that is not up to par, for example. It's a fairly young team that needs drivers who are 100% involved. It's a great project," he enthuses.
To build strong ties with his new team this winter, and to put all the chances on his side, the Frenchman explains to me that the engineers from the Haas team will spend time with him near Annecy, at 321 perform, a center specializing in high-level sport, and in particular stress management. The goal of this course is to establish psychological profiles. In concrete terms, it involves putting each member of the group in stressful situations. The psychologists or the coach ask very tough and very personal questions, without the answers being revealed to the group. A collective debriefing then takes place. The goal: to observe each person's reactions and give them the keys to manage the pressure and the inevitable moments of tension.
"A drama teacher will also intervene, and I think it will be a shock for the new engineers. The team boss Ayao [Komatsu] will come too, but we're going to spare him, Esteban Ocon laughs. During these kinds of sessions, we break down all the barriers, and it leads to the most embarrassing situations. I hope none of these exercises come out!" Imagine role playing, singing, shouting. He gets serious again: "We're going to experience difficult moments during the season, and we have to be able to tell each other everything. It's super important to create a bond as soon as possible and for them to be able to see the submerged part of the iceberg of a driver's life. It's not just arriving at the circuit and putting on your suit."
Championing your bridle and learning from your mistakes
Sometimes, being an F1 driver means forcing yourself to stay up until the early hours of the morning. While Esteban Ocon poses in front of our photographer's lens with more ease than you would have thought, as comfortable in a full denim look as in a leather jacket, his partner Flavy Barla talks to me about the end of the 2024 season and how she supports him. About ten days before the Las Vegas Grand Prix at the end of November, the couple, for example, switched to the Nevada time zone... from Europe.
"We went to bed around 5 or 6 a.m. and went up around 3 or 4 p.m. These moments are difficult because we live completely out of step with the whole world, but it helps me a lot once I'm there, Esteban Ocon puts it into perspective. The life of a driver doesn't leave room for compromise, and everything I do on a daily basis is with a view to the car race. It's when you've prepared the best that you get the best grades."
In this respect, years of experience pay off. Because Esteban Ocon hasn't always been so ready. The former Alpine driver remembers a particularly difficult race during his first season because he had shifted his sleep by four hours... in the wrong direction.
"When I arrived, I was upside down," he jokes today, specifying that his coach Tom Clark, a jet-lag specialist, now concocts a specific program for him based on melatonin and blackouts glasses. Not very sexy, but effective.
"All this means that I am often tired between races, but in good shape in the moments that count. Each season, with my team, we put something more in place in my preparation, to perform better throughout the year", the Frenchman emphasizes.
What did he learn last year?
"At the end of the season, I was working in the heat to prepare for races like Singapore", he tells me, describing hellish one-and-a-half-hour rowing or cycling sessions in the sauna. "But it was cold in Qatar this year! It was the hardest race in history. I was cold in the car. Now, I know that the only race to prepare for the heat is Singapore."
At the beginning of October 2023, the drivers suffered from the heat in Doha (up to 40 degrees), and Esteban Ocon even threw up in his helmet during the race. The Emirati GP is now taking place a few weeks later to avoid these mishaps. Since his first steps in F1, Esteban Ocon has seen the calendar change and new urban circuits (Las Vegas, Miami) and other destinations (the Losail circuit in Qatar and the Jeddah circuit in Saudi Arabia) appear. 21 Grands Prix were contested in 2016 compared to 24 today, and this change of schedule inevitably affects the pace of training and life of the drivers.
"Ideally, I should already be starting my physical preparation [the interview was conducted on December 14]. But we have less and less time off-season to really develop the physical part. So you have to be very efficient and assiduous during these times to build up your health and energy capital for the whole year."
On the program are full days of training with lots of cardio and muscle strengthening, and meals every two hours.
"It's important to have endurance and mass at the start of the season because racing dries you out a lot."
Despite these new constraints and all the work that awaits him at Haas, Esteban Ocon seems to have put all the chances on his side to bounce back in 2025 and beyond.
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NCT Dream Dating Ban #7: Jaemin Pt. 1
NCT Jaemin can’t date girls. As his gay friend you help him out with his sexual needs. (Part 1 of 2)
Content Warning! This is a 100% gay story. Check out this post for my straight smut and this post for more gay smut.
Pairing: Top NCT Jaemin x Bottom male reader
Content: Jaemin takes you on a ride to his favorite nature spot.
Type of Sex: NO SEX (there will be in Part 2)
Word Count: 3.3k (6.1k incl. Part 2)
Previous parts in the NCT Dream 'Dating Ban' series: Jisung Pt. 1, Jisung Pt. 2, Haechan, Mark, Renjun Pt. 1, Renjun Pt. 2, Jeno Pt. 1, Jeno Pt. 2, Chenle.
Jisung may be your best friend, but among the boys of NCT Dream Jaemin comes a close second. The first time you met you opened up to each other and the rest is history. You've always gotten along exceptionally well, and you have a lot in common.
Jaemin gets you, sometimes even more so than Jisung. You can talk for hours. You care for each other and have always been physical in the most platonic of ways. You'd go as far as calling him a close friend. It's a friendship you value highly.
So it's really a shame that you haven't really spent any time with Jaemin at all, now that your week-long trip is approaching its last day. You've been too busy pleasuring the other boys, completely enthralled by their desperate need for intimate release, and their total devotion to your body as their sex toy.
It's time to redeem yourself for your errors. You need to make up for your neglect. And what better way to do that than by giving Jaemin the personal attention you've already given everyone else?
Every time you come to visit Jisung there's something you and Jaemin simply must do together. You've always done it. You simply cannot end this trip without doing it with him again, to keep the tradition alive.
What you need to do is… to hop on a bike and go to Jaemin's favorite lake outside the city.
You have so much to talk about. You've had sex with six of the seven members, a shocking reality that is quite crazy now that you think back on it. And though Jaemin has politely kept his distance while you've let the other boys use you for their sexual pleasure, you know that he must have questions.
You're dying to tell him all about your exploits of the past week. And maybe you need some answers too. How did all this even happen? Jaemin will surely laugh with you, and be excited on your behalf.
But first, you need to go tell Jisung that you're about to head out.
“I'll go down to get the bikes,” Jaemin says and starts walking out the apartment door.
You nod at him. “I'll be right behind you.”
You've already put on your jacket when you walk through the corridor of the dorm, in the direction of Jisung's room near the living room. The very same room you've been staying in throughout your visit. The room in which Jeno fucked you good and Chenle experienced a most insane orgasm under your care.
Not to mention Jisung himself, whom you've been sleeping with every night since you arrived. You sure have created a lot of memories together in his bed.
The freshest one as recently as half an hour ago. When you open the door, Jisung is still laying naked and spent on top of the sheets. He's exactly where you left him when you went to find Jaemin and suggest you do the traditional bike trip before it's too late.
Jisung is on his stomach playing on his phone, his cute ass out and limbs spread wide on the damp sheets.
“God, let me open the window,” you say and frown. You've only now realized what a dank smell and poor air quality you've created.
Jisung turns his head in your general direction.
“We're heading out straight away,” you say and take a second to admire the view of Seoul. It's a beautiful day, perfect for the lake.
“Okay,” Jisung says and smiles. He rolls on his side and exposes his slack dick. ”Have fun.”
“Thanks,” you say and playfully slap his ass when you pass the bed. “I'll see you tonight.”
And with that, you leave one friend behind to go on an adventure in nature with another.
*****
The tricky part is to get out of the city. You're always amazed by the sheer size of it, and though the apartment complex in which your friends live isn't in the heart of it, it takes you a good forty-five minutes of biking to finally leave it behind.
“I forgot how exhausting this is,” you shout when Jaemin begins to race ahead of you.
“You say that every time,” he jokes and laughs.
But when you reach the start of a countryside road, and the houses around you become more scarce and replaced by fields and trees, you suddenly feel energized. The skyscraper scenery you've been living in for a week is soon replaced by a lush forest.
The air is nice out here, not at all like the sweat and recycled oxygen you've been breathing back home. And Jaemin appears to be in a really good mood. He doesn't seem at all upset that you've largely been ignoring him, and you finally remember why this tradition means so much to you both.
In reality, he’s just happy to finally have you to himself. He’d rather just forget about everything else you've been doing.
As you ride side by side, you talk about everything and nothing at all. The Dream teams’ most recent tour, and the recording of their next album which is nearly done. Your life back home, and how you wish you could visit more often. And the many old inside jokes you have, which make you laugh and forget all about how tired your body is feeling.
It's like this very moment is what the whole week has been building up to. Everything else that has happened suddenly doesn't matter. You feel good, really good.
Sadly, when he isn’t hiding from reality like this, Jaemin doesn't feel the same way at all, and his happiness is just temporary.
Despite having been to the lake on numerous occasions in the past you've forgotten the way. Jaemin has to lead you, and he rides ahead when you turn off the road and onto a path that takes you deeper into the forest. He's been oddly quiet for ten minutes.
You're headed for his secret spot. His hide-out away from the city. The long journey is certainly worth it, because you know that once you reach it you'll be surrounded by a calm and soothing atmosphere in a serene location. It's not entirely lost on you that Jaemin has made you one of the few who have ever been to this place.
An hour and a half after you set off, Jaemin gets off his bike and starts walking. You follow close behind. The path is too faint and bumpy to bike on.
“Remember the first time you took me here?” you ask.
“Yeah,” Jaemin says. ”It was the second time I met you. We stayed here for hours just talking. You had just broken up with your ex and told me about him.”
“I think that's when I realized you'd be a good friend. I was heartbroken and really needed a break. You were there for me.”
“Does it still remind you of him?”
“Hah!” you exclaim. “Not at all. He feels like a lifetime ago. Now it just reminds me of you guys. I guess next time it will remind me of all your dicks.”
The joke is the first time either of you bring up the sex you've been having. You're eager to know what Jaemin makes of it all, especially Renjun's hint that the boys aren't as straight as their image makes them out to be. It's a topic you're dying to discuss with your friend, to learn if the sex you've been having is really just a consequence of the infamous dating ban. But as close as you feel to your friend you're actually worried about what he might think.
“Yeah,” Jaemin says and smiles faintly. At least he doesn't appear to disapprove of the fact that you've slept with all his friends. “You've been quite busy.”
“Mm,” you grunt. ”Are you okay with that?”
“I wish I'd seen you more.”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you.”
“How?” Jaemin asks, but that's as far as your conversation goes on the matter. For now.
The path has ended and the small lake in the middle of nowhere – which looks more like a large pond – presents itself to you.
“Wow,” you exclaim. It's mid afternoon and as hot as it will get, and the air is completely still. “The water is so calm.”
“Like a mirror,” Jaemin reflects.
You look at him and smile. “The usual spot?”
Jaemin doesn't answer. Instead he leans his bike against a tree, points to the left side of the shore, and starts whacking his way through the bushes.
*****
‘The usual spot’ is a clearing right next to the body of water, where rocks and soil and refuse from the tree tops has tamed the otherwise tall grass along the shore. Jaemin has brought a backpack from which he pulls out a large blanket.
He lays it on the ground while you talk and laugh, about memories and the future and more of your inside jokes. He seems to be back to his usual self again.
You've never considered yourself a nature person the way Jaemin is, but the scents and sounds of the forest – and the fact that you finally get to spend time alone with your friend – do have an impact on you. You've always appreciated this spot, almost as much as Jaemin does.
When you sit down on the blanket and lean on an arm behind you, Jaemin sits beside you and leans into your lap. You hold him around the chest and close your eyes, soaking up the warm rays seeping through the leaves of the tree tops.
“I brought wine,” Jaemin says. “And some snacks.”
“Then get them out.”
“Wanna go for a swim first?”
Your eyes suddenly widen. “Fuck!”
“What?” he asks.
”We left so quickly. I forgot to bring my swimwear.”
He looks up at you and chuckles. The smirk on his face is unmistakable. You're suddenly both thinking the same thing.
*****
Water is splashing around you and you laugh out loud when you rush out of the lake to return to dry land. You're in your underwear, as is Jaemin who is playfully chasing you.
“I can't believe you said that to him!” you exclaim when you bend down to grab Jaemin's towel. You hastily dry your body before you pass the towel to him.
“He had it coming,” Jaemin says and smirks.
“Where's the wine?” you ask.
Jaemin takes his bag and pulls out the bottle, while you sit back down on the blanket. The wet underwear instantly soaks it but it doesn't matter. The sun feels good on your skin after the cold swim.
Jaemin takes a sip and sits down beside you. He hands you the bottle while you glance across the lake in silence.
“So,” you say. “Are the guys really all straight?”
Jaemin puts his arms around his knees and looks at you with a serious expression. Water is dripping down his body. You suddenly get the feeling you shouldn't have asked the question so bluntly.
“You'd love it if they weren't, wouldn't you?” he asks.
You laugh out loud in an attempt to keep the mood light. “Yeah, I would. I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter, I get to taste their dicks anyway.”
“I can't believe you've been doing that,” Jaemin says. He finally smiles faintly though, as if he does approve and it's all just a fun game.
“I promise you I didn't plan to. They all came on to me first. That's why I'm wondering. They blame the dating ban, but Renjun said there's no shortage of women in your lives.”
“Renjun's gay,” Jaemin points out.
“Yeah, I know. But the others. I mean, Chenle I can believe is just desperate, and maybe Mark. And Jisung I already know about, we have fooled around in the past and he's definitely bi. But Haechan, Jeno… you?”
Jaemin doesn't respond. He lies down on his back and uses his bag as a pillow. He stares at the tree tops and leave you hanging, while you glance at his gorgeous chest and stomach.
“You know, I'm actually jealous of Jisung for that,” he eventually says but doesn't turn to look at you.
The remark takes you by surprise. “Jealous of what?” you ask.
He's finally brave enough to face you. “You said you'd make it up to me that we haven't spent much time together, right?”
You look at him with suspicion. “Yeeaah…” you say slowly.
“It's not just the dating ban. At least not for all of us.”
You can feel the seriousness in the tone of his voice.
“Then… what is it?”
Jaemin looks up at you, straight into your eyes, then quickly turns away. It’s like he’s afraid of something.
“I love you,” he almost whispers.
Now that is a surprise! you think. You stare wide-eyed and bewildered at him, but he still refuses to look at you.
“I… I love you too.”
“No, not like that,” Jaemin exclaims and rolls toward you. He's suddenly very close, and you feel as though he simultaneously wants to kiss you and kill you.
Your mind – after this whole week of him keeping a distance – is finally starting to catch on. Jaemin is actually serious. He's probably not happy about any of what has been going on this week. And you can't believe the thought has never even crossed your mind, after all these years you've known each other.
“Wait,” you say and scratch your head. ”So, you are gay?”
Jaemin rolls his eyes and slaps your bare thigh. “That is what you take from this?” he says and chuckles. It's a nervous chuckle, but you still don't fully pick up on what he's trying to tell you.
“Yeah. I mean… What?”
You suddenly twist your face and tilt your head. Are you actually hearing what you think you're hearing?
“Don't make me say it again.”
As the reality of the situation sinks in, you begin to relax and turn on your side, facing your friend on one elbow. There's suddenly a strong current running between you, and Jaemin most likely wants to roll over and die.
“I'm sorry,” you say and look at him with a sad expression. “I just… I didn't know.”
“It's okay,” Jaemin says. “I mean, it's not like I've been very straight forward.”
“No, you haven't. But, I guess I understand why. For how long?”
Jaemin can't stand it any longer. He pulls himself up on his elbows and stares across the lake again. “Since the first time I took you to this place, and you told me about your ex,” he says and looks around. ”Did you really think I kept taking you here for no reason?”
“I thought you took me here because we're friends.”
“We are friends,” Jaemin says. “But I… I dunno. You're an amazing guy. And yes, Renjun is right.”
There's a lot to process, and you don't know what to say. You genuinely do love Jaemin, but while you have always been able to appreciate his sexy body and enjoy his mind and personality, the thought of there being anything romantic between you has never been on the table.
For the first time ever you wonder if there could be. And you're suddenly overcome with the horrible feeling that you might have hurt him. The eagerness and excitement you once felt about talking with your friend about your week of sexual exploits is gone.
Jaemin, however, suddenly feels a need to explain himself, and backtrack a little on his words. “I mean, it’s not like I love you like that anymore. It’s been years. I’ve always had a crush on you, and I still do I guess, but I accepted that you don’t feel the same way a long time ago.”
You’re not quite sure what to respond. No, the feeling isn’t mutual, but at the same time your relationship is different from that of the other boys. It's deeper, always has been.
“You're amazing too,” you say. ”I do love you too. Just not… in that way. I’m sorry.”
Jaemin appears surprisingly calm and relaxed. Maybe he's just happy he finally got it off his chest.
Or maybe he's just desperate to change the subject, to move on from the agony he's going through in this very moment. Regardless, he decides that now is a good time to joke.
“The dating ban does affect us all though,” he says and chuckles.
His sudden change of attitude makes you feel at ease, to the point that you even laugh out loud, a sound that echoes across the water.
“What, are you desperately horny too, looking for a pocket pussy to fuck?” you joke back. Oh no, I shouldn't have said that.
But Jaemin has spotted an opportunity. He knows that he's dropped a bomb shell on you. He's realized that you aren't going to jump at him, tell him you've always loved him too, and make romantic love to him by the lake the way he's dreamed of. The dream in which you become an official couple – at this very place which he's picked especially for you – is not going to happen. Deep inside he always knew that, and if anything the week has proved it once and for all.
Perhaps he's still hoping, clinging on to the idea that you might actually have feelings for him too. Or maybe the dating ban is real and affecting him just as much as it's been affecting the others, making him as horny and starved as they've been.
It doesn't matter. All that matters is that he wants you, and that you've just brought up the possibility of sex, even if it might just have been a joke.
“Yes,” he says and rolls into your lap. He suddenly rubs his nose in your chest, and pushes his hip against yours.
Once again you're surprised by his actions. This day certainly is taking a lot of emotional turns.
For the entire time at the lake the thought of sex with Jaemin hasn't even crossed your mind. You'd given up on the idea of a seven-for-seven streak. Now, you're suddenly instilled with a glimmer of hope, though you know that it's a terrible idea.
“We shouldn’t…” you say.
“Why not?” he asks, almost begging.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“We’re well past that.”
You look down on his adorable head. Jaemin may be a good friend, someone closer to you than the others. And he might be in love with you, for real, in which case having sex would be a big mistake.
But things have worked out great with Jisung. And now, when he's proclaimed his love and is caressing your skin in the sun by the romantic spot he's always taken you to, how can you resist? You feel a tingle between your legs and a boner growing, and if he wants this just as bad as you do, how can you say no to his advancements?
You feel his wet lips when he kisses your skin. “You promised to make it up to me, remember?” he says while they jump slowly across your chest.
“No,” you whisper.
“Please. Forget what I said. The dating ban is killing me.”
“Are you sure?”
He stops kissing you and looks up, straight into your eyes. “Yes. Please, let me fuck you.”
You know it's a bad idea, but you also know what you want. Jaemin is the last missing piece and he's offering himself to you. Maybe this can lead to something good? You'll never know if you don't try.


Click here to read Part 2.
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Gonna ask me to dance, Cowboy?
Jasper Hale X Reader
Summary: Reader was in an accident that damaged her spinal cord and left her temporarily wheelchair bound. It's during this time that the Cullens move to Forks, and she meets and falls in love with Jasper. A little bit of your story, wrapped up with a big surprise at the end. Requested by @twilightlover2007
Words: 2457
Note: Obviously went with Jasper and boy did this take on a life of its own! I hope you like it!!! It's a little cheesy, but that's what I like.
Disclaimer: I have limited knowledge of temporary paralysis and life with a wheelchair. If I'm wrong about anything, please let me know!
---
The accident happened before the Cullens moved to Forks. You don’t remember much of it, which the doctor says can be common given the head trauma you experienced. All you know is that you were driving home from a game and a drunk driver decided not to stop at the red light.
The accident left you with some severe damage to your spinal cord. Not irreversible, but enough to strand you in a wheelchair. It took almost two months alone for the fractures in your leg to heal, and then another to find a good physical therapist in Seattle who could work with you.
In the midst of this, the Cullens showed up. And you fell for Jasper like a newborn fawn trying to walk for the first time. A fitting comparison considering your legs worked just as well.
Your friends thought you were crazy. Afterall, he was the least…approachable of the group. Always frowning. Not at all talkative. Everyone thought he was a bit of a grouch. But you knew better.
You met the real Jasper the first Friday after they arrived. It was another game day, meaning your little high school was going all out cheering for the team throughout the day (even though everyone knew you didn’t stand a fighting chance).
You were making your way to the pep rally at the end of the day when someone jostled you from behind, sending your wheelchair right over the sidewalk’s ledge and into the grass. You cursed the school’s outdoor hallways so hard that day. It was raining, as it always was, and the moment your wheels hit the ground, you could feel them sink into the mud.
You were effectively trapped.
Or at least, you thought you were. Until a certain blond appeared out of nowhere.
---
“Are you alright, miss?”
You huff out a laugh, trying to keep a smile despite it all, “Yah, yes, I’m okay. Just a little stu-”
When you look up, the words get stuck in your throat. Jasper Hale. Jasper Hale is standing right in front of you, in the rain, hair already sticking to his face, and despite the concern dripping from his features, you can’t help but notice how absolutely gorgeous he is. How did you not notice before?
Before you can stop yourself, the thoughts spill out of your mouth, “Wow, you’re really pretty.”
Shock flickers across the blond’s face, though it’s quickly replaced by a soft smirk that makes his eyes crinkle just a little, somehow making him look more attractive. You blink. And blink. And blink. Until what you said finally sinks in.
Your face goes impossibly red.
“I am so sorry,” you squeak, eyes wide. His smile only widens when you continue to sputter, “I’m fine! Really. And um, I, you can, you don’t have to worry! I’ll just-”
You try to push yourself forward, anything to escape this moment, but your wheels just spin futilely in the mud. You’re not going anywhere, not without help, and Jasper seems to know that, his gold eyes glinting with amusement. You purse your lips, face only going darker.
“Would you like help, darlin’?” Jasper asks, voice low and honey-like, and wow - it seems so unfair for someone to look so handsome and sound like that too.
You cast him an embarrassed smile, “Yes please. If you really don’t mind, that is.”
The blond chuckles, the sound making your heart flutter. He makes it look effortless, the way he maneuvers you out of the grass and back onto the hallway sidewalk. You hum happily when you’re back on solid ground, wheeling back and forth a bit to dislodge the mud from your rims.
“That’s better,” you sigh, spinning back to face him, “Thank you so much.”
Jasper nods, “It was my pleasure, miss.”
You roll your eyes playfully, “Please, call me (Y/n). (Y/n) (L/n). Miss makes me feel so old, and I’m like, a hundred percent sure you’re older than me.”
Something flickers behind his eyes, but it disappears as quickly as it came.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss (Y/n).” You narrow your eyes, but he only grins a little teasingly, which you refuse to admit makes your pulse race even more. “The name’s Jasper Hale.”
“Nice to meet you too, Jasper.” Officially at least.
“I suppose you were headin’ to the rally?”
Your nose scrunches,“Yep. Before the impromptu shower, at least.”
“Would y’mind if I accompany you?”
Blinking, you glance up at him in surprise. Jasper just looks down at you, face still set in a charming, calm smile, so different from the scowl you’d grown accustomed to in passing. He’s being genuine. Actually genuine. It makes your face go warm all over again.
“I think I’d like that.”
---
You don’t know what possessed Jasper Hale to help you that day, but he did.
From then on, you and Jasper became friends. He was still a bit odd, but his whole family was. And you liked them. Even Rosalie, whose bluntness was refreshing compared to most of the girls at your school. You befriended all of them, but you and Jasper were particularly close.
Falling for him was easy. Between the soft smile he seemed to reserve only for you and the way he always supported you, how could you not? You realized it after a particular hard day of physical therapy, when your legs were aching and it felt like you were making absolutely no progress. It was a day that Jasper offered to pick you up because your dad had to work late.
---
Jasper can tell you’re upset before he even reaches you.
You sit at the entrance to the rehab center, head ducked, fingers fidgeting in your lap. You see Jasper’s shoes first before he’s kneeling in front of you, honey eyes dark with concern as they flicker over your features. You look back at him, eyes blurry with unshed tears.
The blond’s gaze softens, “Oh, darlin’.”
And you break.
All the pent up frustration and guilt you’ve been holding onto comes pouring out. You manage to stay quiet, barely, but your whole body trembles with your tears as you collapse forward into Jasper’s arms. He holds you close, not saying a word, just humming softly into your hair.
The longer you stay like that, the calmer you feel. It’s like magic, the storm of your emotions calming to a dull roar, until you can take in a few deep breaths
It’s only when your hiccuping goes quiet that he draws you back, eyes scanning you again. You glance down, feeling too raw, too vulnerable like this, with his thoughtful gaze burning over you. But you also feel undeniably safe somehow.
“You’re doin’ so well, darlin,” he eventually murmurs, voice low, soothing your frayed edges. “I know you’ve been hurtin’ and you’re feelin’ like giving up, but we’re all so proud of you. Someday you’ll be back on your feet and I’ll be here ‘til that day comes. And long after it.”
It’s the most you think you’ve ever heard him say at once. His words ring with something so genuine, you can’t help but melt.
“Thanks, Jasper.”
“Always, darlin.”
---
It felt like more than a promise about that day. More than just a friend being there for another friend. And it was the moment you realized you really liked Jasper Hale.
It was only a matter of time before you learned about his world.
None of them told you, of course. They couldn’t. But the truth was hard to deny when a lone vampire came through Forks and almost killed you.
You knew it was a bad idea to go out by yourself. Even though your legs were getting stronger from your perseverance in physical therapy, you still couldn’t walk by yourself. Which made you quite the easy target.
Luckily, Jasper was just in time to save you.
After the shock, though, came all your questions. Why did that man try to bite you? How did Jasper throw him all the way down the alley? How did he know where to find you and that you were in trouble?
A silently distraught Jasper ended up taking you back to the Cullen house. The air was tense, except for Alice, who was more than excited. She foresaw it all, of course.
Carlisle explained it all to you as Jasper paced off to the side. A scowl lingered on his lips, his eyes set on something distant. The moment you felt a flicker of panic though, he was there, kneeling at your side, smoothing a hand over your shoulder. You covered his with your own, holding on so tightly that if he were human, he'd probably be hissing in pain. You had a good grip strength from wheeling around for a few months.
It took time to settle into this new reality. Jasper gave you space to process, scared to push you too hard, but you wouldn’t have it. Vampire or not, you couldn’t stand the distance. You hadn’t realized just how ingrained he was in your life until then. Whenever something happened, no matter how small it was, you wanted to rush to him and tell him everything. You hated life without him.
So you ended up asking him out.
Dating came as naturally as breathing. Nothing changed. He still drove you to physical therapy and walked you to all of your classes. Only now, he would press a kiss to your forehead when you parted ways and take you on dates after every p.t. appointment.
You had never been happier.
That’s when you came up with an idea for the upcoming school formal.
---
“You ready, darlin?” Jasper pauses at your side of the car, wheelchair pulled out and set up behind him.
You grin, squashing the nerves buzzing in your chest before he can sense them, “Yes! Now help me out of here, mister.”
The blond chuckles. He helps you down from the car, touch overwhelmingly tender, as if he’s scared of breaking you. Which, you suppose, he could. You settle into your wheelchair with practiced ease, your dress only causing a little trouble.
The night starts off perfectly. You take your pictures and meet up with his siblings inside the venue. Everything is beautiful. As usual, Forks high went all out with the theme. It’s something cheesy, like ‘a night under the stars’, everything draped in a deep navy blue, the ceiling decorated with shimmering stars.
When the dancing starts, you give Alice the cue. She sends you a little wink before dashing off to the dj booth. You catch Edward grinning out of the corner of your eye. It was impossible to keep him out of it, what with the whole mind reading thing, so you just shoot the man a playful glare. He stifles a chuckle, making an excuse to go get some punch, despite the fact he can’t drink it.
Sighing softly, you steel your nerves, spinning back to your boyfriend.
“Hey,” you call, catching the cuff of his suit.
Jasper’s eyes turn to you, and oh, wow, you’ll never get used to that. The way he looks at you, it’s like you’re one of the stars decorating the night. His eyes glow with an overwhelming warmth and something so so fond. All of a sudden it feels like you’re the only two in the room, everything else fading away.
“Yes, darlin?”He hums, slipping your hand into his to brush his thumb over your knuckles.
The touch sends sparks cascading over your skin, settling in your chest among the wild butterflies. You bite your lip to try and hold back a massive smile.
“You gonna ask me to dance, cowboy?” You tease.
A smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth.
Jasper makes a show of pretending to tip a hat, voice bright with amusement, “My apologies ma’am. I shouldn’t have kept you waitin’.”
“Mmm, I’ll forgive you,” you hum, biting back a laugh, “just this once, Mister Hale.”
“That’s very kind of you, darlin. Now, would you give me the pleasure of escortin’ you to the dance floor?”
“Why, of course.”
Jasper figures he’ll hold you up as you dance, or maybe spin you while you sit. Anything you want.
Except you do neither of those things. Instead, you gather every ounce of your strength, and shakily push yourself to your feet. Your wheelchair disappears (thank you Alice) and you stand there, all on your own.
After a few seconds, you’re certain that your legs won’t give out, and glance up at the blond expectantly.
Jasper stares back at you, eyes wide, brows arched. It almost looks like he’s forgotten to breathe, his whole body rigid. Shocked. Your grin finally breaks loose, so wide it makes your cheeks ache. Squeezing his hand, you take a tentative step closer. A little wobbly, but you stay standing. It’s only one step, but -
You’re walking.
In an instant, Jasper’s hands are cupping your face, and it’s only then you realize you’re crying. Tears race down around your smile and he’s quick to wipe them away, drawing you close so he can rest your foreheads together.
“My Lord, darlin-” He lets out a breathless laugh. “-you’re goin’ t’make this old man’s heart start again.”
You giggle, curling your arms around his neck, “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Been a long time since I’ve been surprised.”
“But I did?”
“Yes, you certainly did.”
Jasper leans down, pressing his lips to yours. It’s soft, featherlight, and you feel like you’re floating. It’s perfect. Everything about it is perfect and so much better than you expected.
The vampire pulls back, just enough to whisper against your lips, “You’re amazin’ darlin. Absolutely amazin’.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you hum back, “Now, dance with me, cowboy.”
Your song comes on. The one you first danced with Jasper to in your kitchen, when he set you on his feet and held you close to support your weight. A knowing grin falls across his lips, his eyes creasing as he looks down at you.
“It would be my pleasure.”
Unlike that first time, you don’t have to stand on his feet. You don’t even have to clutch onto him to stay upright. Instead, you rest your hands on his shoulders, and Jasper traces his along your waist. The two of you move together slowly, perfectly.
By the end of it, you’re leaning against him, head tucked under his chin, just soaking in the feeling of his arms around you, his lips pressed to the crown of your head. Your legs are shaking, but you don’t care.
This is everything you could ever ask for.
---
I had fun writing this!! It came really clearly for me, though it ended up being a lot longer than I thought because I wanted to add so much exposition.
#reader insert#x reader#reader#jasper hale#jasper whitlock#twilight saga#twilight#jasper hale x reader#jasper x reader#jasper whitlock x reader#sorry for any mistakes#correct me if i'm wrong
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Venkman Fight Analysis:
so i wanted to talk about one of my favourite stranger things parallels and thats the season 2 fight over venkman between mike and lucas.
a lot of what i will say is built off of or just literal paraphrasing of @lesbianmindflayer on youtube or tiktok - her theories are in general very interesting
first, the lumax/byler parallel:
this fight sets up season 2 through the character of venkman from ghostbusters - a character whos love interest, dana, is possessed by the ghost in her fridge (also a little easter egg with steve putting the demodog in joyces fridge!) and obviously will is possessed in season 2. the person who sticks by wills side as the possession gets worse is mike, paralleling venkman doing the same for dana even to the detail of them both sedating them.

lucas also is venkman, implying that his story in the show follows a similar plot and i would argue that the duffers purposefully did this to foreshadow maxs possession in season 4. both max and will end up parallelling dana and both mike and lucas parallel venkman, and this not only acts as symbolism for season 2/4 but also furthers lucas and max as a pair (from the perspective of season 4, so seeing this parallel play out) and will and mike as a pair.
lumax is an established romantic relationship and accepted as endgame by the GA and this is not the only time byler is parallelled with them - an implication that byler share the same nature to their relationship
second, internalised homophobia:
venkman at least to me is presented as the stereotypical straight man who, as the (i think?)lead of the movie, pursues the damsel in distress type who dana id argue fits into anyway - the point is, he serves as a good heteronormative example.
so it makes sense that mike, who is shown to be experiencing internalised homophobia to some degree in season 2 just from living in the 80s so even though it is more obvious in season 3 it would have been there for longer id say, to desperately want to fit into this role. literally - he wants to present as this character to his friends and school i guess, a reflection of his dedication to presenting a straight version of himself to others and perhaps to himself too. its almost like lucas being venkman takes away from mikes external straight appearance
lastly, wills perception:
mike notices lucas only after will enthusiastically greets lucas as venkman, and i personally see this as mike also wanting to present in this way in front of will. perhaps because he himself is scared of how he feels about will and does not want him to find out, so using venkman as a symbol for straightness, the duffers show us how mike wants to be seen as in regards to will.
that also lends us contrasting wants from mike, he both wants to be venkman in the sense of heteronormativity but also in the sense of in relation to will as dana and acting as a hero to will. this contradiction makes sense for internalised homophobia, both not wanting to be shunned in society but also wanting to love who you love.

plus, i think this all provides even more of a setup for will and mikes conversation later on halloween day. the same day that mike displays this need to be this character, he has the crazy together conversation with will furthering this contradiction but building on it in a way that shows mikes want to protect and love will means more and he prioritises that in this whole season.
you could also say mike seems jealous of wills attention to lucas as venkman because of wills role within the plot as dana, and mike wants to be venkman so will is then his love interest and hes the desirable hero in the story.
i hope this was legible.. a lot of the times i say "mike wants to be venkman because" its not always me saying that its something he is actually thinking, but rather a device used by the writers to imply something whether that is a characters present thoughts or just their future dynamics with another.
+ the teaser has a bunch of white goo in that shot with nancy holding the gun , could be another ghostbusters reference??? to all the marshmallow at the end lol idk

#byler endgame#byler#byler nation#byler proof#lumax#st5#byler st5#stranger things#stranger things 5#stranger things 2#st2#crazy together#ghostbusters#stranger things byler#mike wheeler#will byers#mike wheeler x will byers#st#st analysis#byler analysis
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tlou hbo season 2: episode 2 thoughts
here we are again! tldr i liked this much better than episode 1, though i have beef, per usual. i did not cry (think i shed all my tears ages ago) but whatever. reminder i am a game fan first and foremost, and thoughts are sorted into good/iffy/bad, please weigh in with your own thoughts!
spoilers for tlou hbo and tlou part ii below.
GOOD (so crazy but there is a lot i liked) -FOB mention from the wlf! made me hype as fuck for seattle -i thought the WLF dynamic was interesting -- even though a number of years have passed (and we are uncertain of the interpersonal relationships, i think owen x mel is hinted but not explicit) we are clearly given the lay of the land when it comes to this whole thing being kind of nuts. no one knows what abby's plan is, owen is mitigating, and when it comes down to it abby/manny/nora are on one side and mel/owen are not sure. (omission of jordan/leah is probably smart here to tighten things up) -jesse! once again my shining star. i think he got the humor/teasing with ellie pretty correct given that we know he's older than her, and he's her friend. i laughed when he said kinda fucked you did that though -i really enjoyed seeing tommy as a town leader. i think gabriel really excelled here and i think it was a rare flush out for a supporting character. he has presence, he has respect, he has confidence, i loved it! -abby's attitude pre-joel: i think the way they had her on watch but then the way she engages with the patrol made lots of sense -- she sees them and decides to follow them. she is self-assured to a fault which fit really well -- she falls down the snowbank after thinking she can do it, she runs from the infected but does not give up even when she seems to be trapped, she adjusts quickly when she realizes who has saved her. good stuff! -bong mask was funny icl -the infected going for jackson. this is a love cause i thought it was compelling but possibly only because it reminded me of my favorite episode of game of thrones -- the long night. i liked how tight the narrative was -- they have expected and prepared for this. the ramps, the barrels, the stages of artillery. i think the sense of tenison was compelling and worked well cause you forgot what was happening outside the walls when you were in there. tommy's skills as a tactician were great, tommy and the flamethrower rocked and the bloater rocked, i was so stressed and whispering go tommy go tommy go tommy. i have some questions but its fine (are all infected smart? why did they go to jackson? why are there so many runners if they are the first stage of infection). i also loved the aftermath -- the guy who was bit asking to be shot, etc. really compelling. -the sense of terror whenever we went back to joel/dina and the lodge....well-honed! -just shut the fuck up and do it already. probably the only line from hbo!joel that made me gasp in a good way -ellie getting to be conscious for joel's death and the aftermath -- a unique form of torture. i was really impressed that she pulled out the iron. something really moving about that. -the sudden intro of through the valley sung by ashley.....WOW. did NOT expect that. a really nice surprise. -the long shot of jesse, ellie, and dina...and joel's wrapped corpse dragged behind them. something i always wished we had a glimpse of in the game.
IFFY -Abby talking to herself in the flashback instead of experiencing it like it’s a dream. i think this could be valuable if she has this dream more than once as her story evolves (probs a s3 thing). opening with it was a strong choice but i don't know if making us wonder if she actually experienced it or not was a good one. -i think that they are hinting heavily that the end of e1 was a fake out and ellie went to the porch after all. Ellie addresses head-on that she and Joel still have a bond that isn’t understandable from the outside . it was an unexpected moment of maturity from her based on e1. i appreciated that jesse told her joel wanted to patrol with her but took dina instead. -which leads me to...swapping Dina and Ellie for Jesse and Ellie. based on the writing so far, i would not expect the high scene in the game of this dina and ellie. they do not have the emotional intimacy or physical intimacy, for that matter! expanding on Eugene and Joel (Vietnam) was interesting, that whole thing called back to save who you can save etc. i think Dina and Joel are compelling because to me he's taking measures that he wouldn’t take if it was Tommy to keep dina safe, and it makes it more plausible that Ellie would go after Dina and Joel with Jesse once they find out they have not radio'd in. i also think in a roundabout way it compells dina to go to seattle more. the way the WLF spare her and seemingly have no/little intentions to hurt her/anyone joel is with from the start based on the fact they have a sedative and mel assures joel dina will be fine. it was interesting to me how this complicated how we feel about the WLF and how the line of manny/nora/abby was drawn as opposed to mel/owen being much more hesitant to drag out the ordeal/leave casualties -eighteen solders and one doctor? abby, come on. Why do we need to specify. also when i played it it feld like A LOT MORE THAN 18 LET ME TELL YOU THAT -Abby using her fists….hmmmm. i thought there was value in the fact that she used the iron the whole time in the game. getting the blood all over her but not using her hands. i guess this adds some grit to her? EDIT; I thought about it and I think there’s a really chilling dehumanization in her using the golf club to beat him to death slowly because she’s treating him like an animal to be put down. So I think using her fists is a perhaps uncharacteristically hands-on (lol, sorry) choice for her -something something about Ellie going up rather than down to find Joel. this is a really small note, but it occured to me when thinking about the scene as the player experiences it in the game. you enter the lodge from the top floor, take the stairs down from the loft, and explore the main floor. you hear joel being tortured the whole time. you are led to a staircase down and enter the garden level via a door. i think there is something meaningful about going down, down, down, to find this life-altering act of violence. the opposite occurred in the show. i think the death/discovery was rushed, personally, but i'm not sure how they could have dragged it out.
BAD -handsome line again from abby...damn those nurses had a lot to say! i just think its irrelevant and uninteresting. why do we have to bring it up again -so, i know that this doesn't matter because obviously he dies, so who is going to know? ellie isn't there fo this which is arguably the more important part, dina is passed out, but i just think there is a specific tragedy in the game derived from the fact that joel doesn't know (or care) why abby is here and doing this. he always expected that death would come for him. i think he largely feels this way anyway -- given the way he responds to her monologue, so kudos there. i was just mad that she went into it! but most of the stuff around it i liked (you don't get to rush this etc). i can't figure out if this is supposed to endear the viewer to her as it's hard to see it from the perspective of someone who does not already know he's her dad. -lack of score. the score in this entire sequence is so good. eye for an eye is an amazing track. i think the sound mixing was not right for this episode, frankly.
so! better than 201 by miles. MILES. rushed, in my opinion, but we'll see how it plays out. let me know what you thought!
#the last of us#the last of us spoilers#the last of us hbo#the last of us season 2#the last of us season 2 spoilers#joel miller#ellie williams#abby anderson#tlou hbo thoughts
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KIM NAMJOON
RANDOM 01:
!gc namjoon who has never experienced peace since joining the group
!gc namjoon who feels like being in the group has aged him 50 years
!gc namjoon who despite this would rather drop dead than have not met all of you
!gc namjoon who knows every single member like that back of his hand
!gc namjoon who often worries his members find him boring
!gc namjoon who forced everyone to download life 360 while on tour because you all wouldn’t stop getting lost and it was stressing him out
!gc namjoon who has a fun fact about everything like fr everything its kinda crazy
!gc namjoon who still to this day checks the life 360 app (that thank god none of you have deleted) every morning afternoon and night to make sure everyone is safe
!gc namjoon who has now reconsidered his position on having kids if parenthood is anything like looking after his members you can count him out actually!
!gc namjoon who on one random night in 2017 went to an equally random art gallery on his own “impulsively” and definitely NOT because you briefly mentioned you needed “artsy guy” in your life
!gc namjoon who after the “impulsive” art gallery trip which he actually did enjoy way more than he expected to seemed to have a complete personality shift finding interest and beauty in the smaller and simpler things in life
!gc namjoon who won’t admit this out loud but one of the reasons he hasn’t learnt how to drive yet is because he enjoys the fact that you drive him everywhere, you’ve even given him the silly little nickname of “number one passenger princess” that makes him feel all giddy inside
!gc namjoon who always puts his members first
!gc namjoon who wouldn’t of minded having you as his roommate but when 21 year old jungkook came to him all puppy eyed and nervous asking namjoon if you would like the idea of living with him all joon could do was smile “that’s a great idea kook! i’m sure she’d love it”
!gc namjoon the most patient man you know
!gc namjoon who buys you flowers for every single major holiday without a fail
!gc namjoon who once set you and jungkook’s kitchen on fire
!gc namjoon who has almost asked you to be his girlfriend a total of 5 times so far
!gc namjoon a true gentleman and romantic at heart
!gc namjoon who gets so upset when you refer to him as RM whether it’s a joke or work related it’s joon to you always and forever
!gc namjoon who for every piece of artwork in his home from paintings to poem books can relate said artwork to one of his members, he finds comfort in collecting pieces that remind him of his favourite people
!gc namjoon who genuinely freaks out if the group chat isn’t active at least once everyday
!gc namjoon who went through a really intense gym phase and would genuinely force all his members to wake up at 6 am and go on runs with him. however the whole group run thing only ended up lasting around 3 days turns out yoongi is really not a morning person and jimin surprisingly was (at the time) and that does not mix well !! long story short yoongi punched the shit out of jimin while tae recorded, you and jin laughed, hoseok was on the brink of passing out, jungkook was crying… for some reason? and namjoon was stressed safe to say group runs or work outs never happened again after that and namjoons intense gym bro lifestyle slowly mellowed itself out
!gc namjoon the groups designated decision maker no matter how small all large the issue what joon decides is right and final an unspoken agreement between the members
!gc namjoon who often wonders how you all put so much trust in his words and decisions honestly it scares him a little a LOT
!gc namjoon who hates boba
!gc namjoon who allows you to meal prep for him, he thanks the lord you do this for him actually saving him from having to cook for himself most days
!gc namjoon who is really good a board games
!gc namjoon who talks in his sleep
!gc namjoon who is quite a traditional man
!gc namjoon who doesn’t believe in hookup culture, flings and friend’s with benefits
!gc namjoon who prefers cute dates, long walks and sharing interests
yet !gc namjoon who lets you lead him into an empty room away from the obnoxiously loud party thrown for jungkooks 24th(?) birthday
!gc namjoon who from then on lets you steal kisses from him
moments with him
!gc namjoon who doesn’t believe in “casual”
!gc namjoon who can’t do “casual”
!gc namjoon who is aware of his feelings and of everyone’s feelings
!gc namjoon who knows his members like the back of his hand
he knows their realising their own feelings
each others too
he knows jaehyun was a wake up call not just to him but to everyone
!gc namjoon who knows he’s running out of time
!gc namjoon who wishes he was selfish
wishes he was an asshole
a self serving piece of shit
who wishes he could just shout from the rooftops how utterly obsessed and fuck he’ll admit it at this point in love with you he is
he wishes that he could love you without hurting others
!gc namjoon who has become a casual in your life
a casual kiss
a casual fuck
a casual dinner
casual moments
!gc namjoon who has become accustomed to being your romantic casual because despite initially not believing in the concept namjoon is more than willing to throw away all his morals and beliefs if it means he gets to have you hold him for a night, kiss him for a night, be with him for a night
namjoon is willing to do pretty much anything and everything to be a part of your life, a temporary go to, name it and he’ll fill that role no questions asked
kim namjoon is willing to be
your casual.
—
tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp
#bts crack#bts fluff#bts imagines#bts text#bts x y/n#bts fanfic#bts x you#bts x reader#bts fic#namjoon × reader#namjoon x y/n#rm x reader#rm x y/n#!gc namjoon#gc offline#kim namjoon
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idk if it's mean to say and I don't mean it meanly at all. I think there's a weird culture of trauma dumping in this fandom though.
especially when any kind of discourse comes up, ppl seem to feel the need to 'prove' they can talk on a topic/have more authority than others on a topic by telling stories about how they've been through things the discourse is related to.
like when there was discourse around kevin/jean/riko and the cult thing or whatever. and there were ppl giving their opinions, but also a bunch of ppl chiming in to tell traumatic stories about them being in a cult. and it's not that I don't want ppl to speak about their experiences, but rather, I just think it's crazy that some ppl seen to think its relatively normal to jump into a conversation about fictional ppl with real stories about very triggering subjects with no warning whatsoever.
they also often assume by default that anyone who won't speak openly about going through traumatic shit hasn't been through it. which I don't think is good or fair.
I'm not trying to single ppl out either. it's not all the people who were in a cult or only them, its just the first example I could think of. it happens with basically everything though! from rape to homophobia to being abused by your parents, and so on.
I think the bigger problem which I briefly touched on is that it often comes with the assumption that those who don't speak openly about experiencing these things are assumed to not have experienced them. and ppl who do speak openly about it, will often explicitly make those assumptions.
bringing it back to the cult thing cuz it's the example I started with - I remember somebody would make a post (with admittedly a bad take), and then somebody would respond with their take + the fact that they'd been in a cult & add on a bit at the end being like "you wouldn't write a take like this [the original bad take] if you knew what it was like to be in a cult". and while I understand the frustration of ppl saying stupid or offensive or ignorant stuff, it's also stupid, offensive, and ignorant to make the automatic assumption that because someone's take/opinion on a tough subject differs from yours then that means they haven't been through similar experiences to you. because many ppl can experience the same thing and come out with differing opinions.
I just think it sets a bad precedent. it's also often completely unfair to the person they're saying this stuff to, even if they hadn't experienced that stuff themselves. because it also now means that the person hearing the trauma dumping has to respond with perfect civility, be perfectly calm and understanding, or else they'll be seen as not taking the person's experiences seriously. and while I obviously think you should handle somebody telling you their bad experiences with kindness, understanding, etc, this expectation is a little unfair sometimes because it often expects the listener to be perfectly nice, while the person doing the trauma dumping gets away with not being civil back. like they can throw stuff like "fuck you, you stupid bitch" or whatever into their post, essentially freely insult the other person, but the person hearing it can't do anything similar back without looking like The Asshole.
even if u are perfectly calm & understanding anyway, you can still look like The Bad Person if u continue to even respectfully disagree, becuz the trauma dumping person can just say something like "I experienced x and told you My Opinion and you still disagree 😡". and unless you want to openly admit you've also experienced x, you can't rlly defend urself.
all this to say. I don't think it's good to have this attitude of only being able to speak on things or having authority over others to speak on things if you've experienced said things. becuz on a platform like this, the only way to know if somebody has had those experiences is if they tell you. so it sets this expectation to talk about it. and I think it's normal not to want to talk about the bad shit you've been through with strangers on the Internet for brownie points. additionally. everybody's been through shit. it might not be the same shit as you, but it's important to remember that. we should all be trying to not make bold assumptions about people we don't know just because they think differently to us.
.
#Agreed#aftg#aftg fandom#nora sakavic#the foxes#the foxhole court#aftg trilogy#aftg tsc#all for the game#aftg confessions#thea muldani
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Please tell us more about the demon lords in Aurora? Are they all alive and/or reincarnated? Do they have scars like beelzemon? Can you rank the demon lords from 1st place to 7th in madness(whos crazier because of the dark area's influence)Are they all sealed in the dark area or did they escape/broke out? Who is the leader?(In some stories Lucemon has been neutral, or Daemon and Barbamon are fighting for the leader position so they're kinda both in charge, etc)
So in short - they're the seven fallen of the ten Celestials that Huanglongmon created - the first Digimon, meant to be guardians of the nascent Digital World, a duty they carried out faithfully for thousands of years.
Most of them had different names back then, too.
Lucemon was the first one that came across what turned out to be a tiny tear in the dimensional fabric, leading to the Dark Area. After a series of events, him and the other six eventually got affected by it and turned on their creator and remaining brethren. The conflict that ensued had them nearly destroy the Digital World, but they were stopped by Huanglongmon who seemingly sacrificed themselves to close the massive rift that was engulfing the world, and banished the traitors to the Dark Area before sealing it off.
Decades turned to centuries, the Digital World healed and moved on, still watched over by the remaining two Celestials (Seraphimon and Cherubimon ) for a while, and the order of the Royal Knights. Events of the past turned into myth and legend, but all that time the fallen were slumbering in the Dark Area. A millennium later, the Rift was opened again - by humans.
They are very powerful entities, hence why they never got fully consumed by the Dark Area - they were able to not only survive in there for so long, but also created whole separate bubble dimensions around them in their slumber that they're in full control of - what humans would of course refer to as "circles of Hell" later on. As time went by, however, it did affect their bodies as well as minds, slowly warping their forms into something completely different. They are not fully stable as a result of being affected by the Area's energies for so long, and some of them consume energy from living beings to maintain their more angelic forms and to not decay, while others show permanent damage to their bodies, like Caedemon and his further evolutions when not in "energy-conserving" Child form.
And while no Digimon could ever fully control or understand the Dark Area and its chaotic energies, the Demon Lords, in a way, became part of it. What made them so dangerous wasn't just the pure power they possess when it comes to combat or damage they can do, but their connection to the Dark Area - they could open rifts and let the other dimension spill into the world, use its energy to corrupt both Digimon and humans, as well as whole locations, to name a few. Though different in power, any of them could bring about the end of both worlds if they really wanted to by unleashing the Dark Area upon them.
When Caedemon's data was analyzed, it showed that his Digicore had pretty much the same energy readings as those from the Dark Area.
Without going into too much detail here - they are also connected to the human world via the Dark Area, as that dimension serves as a sort of ( very bad ) crossroads for various other places. That is why they are associated with the concept of the Deadly Sins and embody those.
They are also able to influence humans in many ways similar to how theological demons do, and all of them exhibit an ability where they're able to tell when a human has truly bad intentions and desires.
None of them were affected by the Dark Area to the point of being "crazy", they have somewhat different opinions ( though none of them are good ) on mankind and Digimon, and a complex relationship with humans. They're ancient beings, cunning, experienced and wise in their own ways, and generally selfish. What paths they chose to follow in the end was fully their choices alone.
In the past, Lucemon was the de facto leader of the Celestials, but as they are now, none of them obey anyone, willingly at least.
At the time when the story takes place, some of them are still sealed and sleeping, while others were awakened. Lucemon and Barbamon, to name a few of those that eventually break out of the Dark Area.
They're not even the worst thing that can come out of that dimension, as everyone found out later lol.
#it has a lot to do in general with what the Dark Area is in this setting#it's a very fucky eldritch location no one really understands#but it's mostly malevolent it seems#also they're not ever called Demon Lords in this setting#The Digimon refer to them as the Fallen or Sleeping Ones most of the time#same as how the Great Archangels aren't called that#only humans later refer to them as Archangels LOL#if going by Cyber Sleuth's lore#then this universe basically didn't initially have Demon Lords to begin with unlike many others?#so it was probably inevitable that something would become them eventually by the laws of those universes or w/e LOL#digimon#text post#digimon project: Aurora#ask answered
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Beasts of Carnaval review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: Wonderland-esque worlds, pragmatic MCs, found family, anti-colonialism
Big thanks to MIRA, Netgalley, and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Isla Bestia is a dream of an island. Upon arrival, guests don masks and enjoy the Carnaval party from sundown to sunrise. Their every need is met, with drink and elaborate food, only outcompeted by the ever increasing extravagance of the carnavaleros and the various set pieces aimed at inspiring awe. The setting was lush and gorgeous. I definitely felt like I was there with Sofía as she experienced the wonders of the island. I particularly liked the early experiences on the island, where we see things like a hedge maze full of trick mirrors and an underwater cavern that tells the story of the island and its people.
Despite the glamour and extravagance of the island, not all is as it seems, and there's a darker undercurrent threading beneath the party. It was interesting to see how Rodrigo played with the senses and sense of time while Sofía was at Carnaval. She starts out very clear-headed and determined to systematically investigate until she finds her brother. But as more time passes and her searches turn up empty, it becomes harder to cling to that pragmatism. As she turns to other avenues of investigating, she slowly becomes ingratiated into Carnaval, and it becomes less and less clear where the line is between reality and dream.
While I enjoyed a lot of the Carnaval sequences, at a certain point the dreaminess became a bit boring and I was ready for Sofía to once more focus on her goal of finding her brother. Luckily, there's really only a chapter or two of that dream-like state before Sofía gets herself back on track. That being said, I actually really enjoyed the tone shift at that point, and I feel like those two chapters of dreamy revelry really helped set it up to be impactful. As mentioned, Carnaval has a dark side, and with her probing questions, it's inevitable that Sofía runs aground of that darker side. Those scenes were eerie in a different way than Carnaval previously was, and I enjoyed the increasing fever-dream nature of what was going on.
Awakened to the truth of the island's revels, Sofía is finally able to peak behind the curtain and begin understanding the truth of what's really going on, including why she keeps hearing whispers of Taike'ri, the native tongue her mother spoke in whispers. There's actually a good amount in this book about language. The language of power, of categories. The language kept alive in the shadows of colonialism and slavery and struggle. The reignition of that language as a form of resistance. As a linguist specializing in language revitalization, I really enjoyed seeing that focus and particularly the celebration of revival.
But beyond language, Isla Bestia hides a sanctuary for the very people the Carnaval revelers look down upon and abuse. It serves as a place where they can reclaim their history and identities, and where resistance can range from the big (active) to the small (living happily). The second half of the story really focuses on healing, survival, and acts of resistance. We get to see a thriving community that's built something despite the odds, and Sofía gets to see another way to live. One that isn't so hampered by the Hisperians and their beliefs.
Sofía as a character has definitely been through a lot. She lost her brother five years prior to the opening of the book and Emancipation happened only two years before the beginning of the book. She still bears the physical and mental scars of what happened, though she's focused first and foremost on finding her twin before taking the time to process and recover. That being said, those experiences are bubbling under the surface and she regularly feels the pain of them.
I will say, I appreciate a pragmatic character, but she was driving me a little crazy with her insistence on disbelieving her eyes and ears. On the one hand I get it, if you're a scientist and live in a world sans magic, you're going to look for the seams. On the other hand, when you're shown magic again and again and again, at some point you have to accept what you're seeing.
Sofía's relationship with Adelina was particularly interesting. Sofía was 'gifted' to Adelina when they were seven, meant to be her handmaiden, though the two grew to be close like sisters. Adelina clearly loves Sofía and champions her writing, and while Sofía loves her back...she also cannot forget how they originally met and how they lived for nearly a decade. It's an interesting tension and it obviously had to come to a head at some point. I enjoyed their friendship, but I also think they ended up in a good place.
#book review#book#books#book recommendations#bookaholic#fantasy#bookblr#bookstagram#bookish#booklr#beasts of carnaval#mythology#anti colonialism#rosalia rodrigo#fantasy books#caribbean fantasy
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Hey, Cap.
This is quite a heavy thing to admit. And it’s gonna be quite the story. But I don’t know where else to air it all out. I think I’ve grown attached to you and all the other voices here no matter how silly. Because I get to talk about things vulnerably but not be ashamed… I’m just a voice here after all and its such a relief.
I used to be the top of the class.
I graduated salutatorian, and as leader of multiple clubs and organizations. I used to be who people are in awe of. I used to do it effortlessly while even having time to look good. I used to be the standard. God, I used to be exemplary.
I entered college with stars in my eyes. I started off struggling a little, but guess who made it to the top again? Me. I finished my first year still the 1st. Despite so much that happened, and despite my first ever heartbreak, I emerged the smartest. Nothing else mattered.
Come second year, someone else turned out more diligent than I ever could be. She genuinely enjoyed studying. And then another. And then another. And then I was no longer the smartest in the batch, hell, even the class. But I held on. I thought, as long as I end up graduating in the dean’s list, Ill be alright, right?
Wrong.
Because as soon as third year hit, I was cut off from the list.
In my defense, no one else made it to the list.
But that made me crumble more than I anticipated.
See, the other people I mentioned that have higher grades than me? They couldnt be bothered theyre no longer in the list. They just enjoy getting good grades and studying and its paying off for them really well.
Me? Well let’s just say sometimes I fucking hate what I chose to study.
Maybe my motivation in studying is wrong? Maybe there’s more to life than excelling?
When I do enjoy what I study, why am I not the best at it like I used to be? Back then when I am genuinely passionate about something I get the grades like it’s a miracle. I absorb things fast. I still do. But I just don’t retain them - rather I do not review them. That’s my fault. But still. Even without that, I used to be able to top the class anyway. But then right now, I genuinely enjoy studying hematology, yet god knows if I even passed that shit.
Its crazy. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Honestly, burnouts can be worse. I could fail a subject and delay internship. I could be at the lowest percentile in class. I could be so so so much worse. And yet I hold on. I still try to be relentless. But I have to admit, I am no longer as happy. Maybe that’s why.
Maybe that’s why.
I want to cry but I can’t. Whats the point in it now? It’s a pattern. I cry and I do absolutely nothing about it because I dont know where to start.
I’m fucking average. All my life chasing this. Just to graduate fucking average.
I have a therapist that I lie to. A mother who I cannot confide to. A father that’s abroad. Friends I pretend to be alright in front of. Cousins that are too young to understand and relatives who I cannot disappoint.
None of them are in the field of medicine. None of them will ever understand and spare me pity. All of them — they all think I’m some kind of genius.
Worst part? For a time, I thought so too.
Fuck.
I’m sorry, Curly. And all fellow voices.
I have no one else.
Hey, mate.
Okay. Then I… will try to be calm about it. Owe you that much.
I haven’t experienced everything you’re describing, Tine. But when it comes to losing the stars in your eyes? Let’s just say I know the feeling. And I’m so sorry that you know it too.
Yeah no that’s it. There’s more to life than excelling. Fuck, there’s so much more than that. Can’t even begin to tell you. There’s life, you know? If I’m being real, I never wanted to climb the ladder. I just wanted to get off the ground. Didn’t want to be a captain, really. Just to fly. But, well. Excellence is what we strive for, yeah? Otherwise what’s the point?
Pony Express was supposed to be a step. A temporary thing. Just a trip or two, and then… Bigger things. But that wasn’t enough. I had to be the best at it before I was allowed to move on. And as you know, once you get to the top, you have to stay there. No matter how much it hurts.
But you know what? The times in my life where I was the happiest had fuck-all to do with success. It was trying new things, even if I was bad at them. Especially if I was. It was being at home and enjoying the weather. Going for a walk. Putting on some music. That’s what life’s about, I think. Not flying as high as you can, but… living with the little things and loving them.
An average life might not be the most glamorous of its kind. But right now? It sounds pretty damn brilliant. So yeah, you’re allowed to be upset that you’re falling short of where you want to be. Of course you are. But hey. Tine. Listen. You’re also allowed to fall short. Fuck what anyone says. Just get through this. One day and then the next, yeah? You don’t have to believe me, but average is a great thing to be.
…Probably should stop lying to your therapist. Otherwise what are you paying them for? Medical school is hard as hell. I haven’t been through it, but I know that. I’ve seen how hard Anya studies just to make it in. She’s probably the smartest person I know and she still hasn’t gotten in. It’s fucking hard and— I wouldn’t say pity, but I definitely feel sorry for you. You’re struggling. I get it. Maybe I can’t understand your specific experience, but I know all too well what it’s like to fall short. You just have to keep going from where you’re at.
It’s hard to let people down. It’s harder when ‘people’ includes yourself. I know how that is, I really do. Please, don’t apologize. I hope I could help you a little. If there’s anything I can do, anything you need off your chest, I’m here.
Sending mind hugs to you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
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