#one day im gonna do it and my soul will be healed

[jonny-b-meowborn]

it's honestly surprising that I didn't get diagnosed with autism on the spot when as a kid I used to say that the perfect way to eat a tangerine would be to

peel it

separate the chunks

remove all that white shit

remove this like transparent skin thing

peel apart every single one of those tiny lil tear shaped thingies and put them in a bowl

eat them one by one

and the only reason I never did that was that I didn't have the time, but I loved to eat the separate tiny bits whenever I got the chance

[meitanteisachi]

*taps mic* let it be known that yearning is my favorite emotion that is all bye

[kholnt]

I just wanted to say how much I looooooovvveeee your Lost Link fic! I love the idea of what would happen if Wild remembered his past. I wanted to know how you think his knight training went? I definitely think that it was a terrible experience that gave him a whole wagon full of horrible coping mechanisms and bad habits(and from where the fic is going, I'm guessing you think similarly), but I wanted to know how you thought his training went. Anyway, just wanted to say how much I appreciate and love your work, Thank You!

WAAAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!!! (but give all of the writing credit to @/eponatheestallion <33 cannot emphasize that enough) BUT! you basically got it in one! his knight training was NOT kind to him in the slightest. i mean, even with the canon material we HAVE it still doesn't particularly spell a good time. (staring at mipha, zelda and purah's diaries respectively. and creating a champion. and possibly aoc but thats a different timeline + i barely know anything abt it so its there In Spirit) i will warn you that this ones gonna be long bc botw diaries TEND TO BE YAP SESSIONS! AND im a yapper so i'll just give you the tldr:

lost's knight training was abhorrent for his mental health and plays into a LOT of his mannerisms and why he is the way he is

ANYWAY! i'll just talk abt things that have been established either in the au or in botw canon :) any blanks you can fill on your own

as for canon things heres some things that stood out to me (formatted to be paragraphs for my sanity):

"A youth named Link was brought to me a hundred years ago, covered in wounds and on death's doorstep. Link… So young, yet so courageous. He was the youngest knight to have ever been appointed to the Imperial Guard at Hyrule Castle. He was also a gifted swordsman who was selected as captain of Princess Zelda's personal guard. I thought his skills would be enough to defeat Ganon in glorious fashion…

It was the best we could do…" -Purah's Diary

~~~~~

"When I finally got around to asking why he's so quiet all the time, I could tell it was difficult for him to say. But he did. With so much at stake, and so many eyes upon him, he feels it necessary to stay strong and to silently bear any burden.

A feeling I know all too well… For him, it has caused him to stop outwardly expressing his thoughts and feelings. I always believed him to be simply a gifted person who had never faced a day of hardship. How wrong I was… Everyone has struggles that go unseen by the world… I was so absorbed with my own problems, I failed to see his." -Zelda's Diary ~~~~~

"At the request of Hyrule's king, a group of outsiders came to greet us at the domain. One of them was a Hylian child of only about four years of age. His name was Link. He made quite a first impression. He was curious and full of energy, with a ready smile. Are all Hylian children that way?

One thing that surely sets him apart is his swordsmanship, which I hear is exceptional. He has even bested adults. He must be somewhat reckless, however, as he was covered in bruises. Wishing to be helpful, I healed his wounds for him." ~~~~~

"Link came to visit the domain. It feels like forever since he was here last. He no longer resembles the child I first met. He is now an accomplished knight and keeper of the sword that seals the darkness. I am so proud. However… He hardly speaks anymore, and smiles even more rarely. He is still the kind soul I knew, but something has changed.

I asked him if something had happened, if something was wrong. He merely shook his head. Perhaps it is his newly acquired height, but I feel he is ever looking past me, into the distance beyond…" -Mipha's Diary

~~~~~ "The details of how Link obtained the sword a hundred years ago have been lost to the mists of time, but since he was in possession of it for a number of years prior to becoming a Champion, he was likely around twelve or thirteen years old when it happened."

~~~~~

"After the Champions for the Divine Beasts were chosen, there was an incident at Hyrule Castle. A Guardian went berserk during a test run. Link deftly defeated it, earning himself a great deal of recognition. Impressed, King Rhoam made him Princess Zelda's appointed knight. With no regard for his own personal safety, he loyally fulfilled his duty to guard Princess Zelda with his life." -Creating a Champion

(there will be another thing later but its separated for a Reason.) ANYWAY! these are like. BIG things in canonical material that I feel like are important, especially if they're highlighted. i'm not really going to elaborate much since its kind of spelled out already but i'll say a few things nonetheless (also for consistencies sake i'm going to say lost but do know this ALSO applies to wild) he was the youngest knight appointed in history. like even that alone is FUCKED??? i don't remember if it was something in canon, fanon or something kay n i made up (but it doesnt rlly matter since its canon to the lost hero au ANYWAY!) but he became a knight at TWELVE soon after pulling the sword. then proceeded to become a royal guard at 17. this is a kid surrounded by adults in a generally Unsafe Environment, that alone is enough for some level of fucked. ill explain the "hes been training since he was four" later since i have Thoughts about that, but on a unrelated note do notice that mipha makes the assumption that lost is reckless and not through actually seeing him being clumsy. hyrulean guard when i get you now, to me the vow of silence was something that stemmed from before the calamity and started up in his training. because thats a twelve year old being forced to be a hero when he never got the choice to. OBVIOUSLY hes going to shut down. again, this will be expanded upon later also. lost is canonically self sacrificial. VERY self sacrificial. no further comments, just saying OKAY. NOW ITS LATER BC ITS TIME TO YAP ABT THE "inspired by canon but like. its canon plus." canon is bent in specific ways bc the way link is characterized (in cac specifically) makes him very uh,,,, inhuman i suppose. i love looking at scenarios where decisions have consequences, and it's that specific reason why i enjoy "what if" aus so much.

yes, lost was still trained when he was four. no it was not formally. to me, lost had an interest in swordsmanship because his dads a knight! hes going to be exposed to at least a little bit at an early age. he was insistent on wanting to learn, so with the power of sticks, pot lids, and a lot of positive reinforcement, he learned how to do the movements of swordfighting. he'd never been given a proper sword until the guard brought him to zora's domain. lost's dad never wanted to force the position of hero onto him, so he never gave him a sword. everyone knows that he's the hero except him, and lost's dad would rather keep it that way until he's old enough to climb mount lanayru (it happens much earlier than that) now abt the fucking "According to tales told by the long-lived Zora, Link visited Zora's Domain when he was younger and formed a bond with them, defeating a Lynel and teaching various skills to Zora children. This story sheds light on both his physical abilities and his strength of character." from creating a champion just like. isn't canon in this. the only other recorded time lost fought a lynel in zoras domain was when he was already zelda's guard and he was not younger. so by proxy it must've been when he was four WHICH ISN'T HAPPENING SORRY GUYS!!!! i'm not having a four year old fight a lynel hero or not!!!! it's referenced in lost hero canon (the soldiers accompanied made jokes and tried to egg lost on but it got shut down real quick since a. his dad was there and b. literally anyone who have thinking caps would go "yeah um... no actually!") and now its fanon time :))) when lost was in the army, he was usually trained separately from the other knights, mostly because of skill difference. as a CHILD he was able to clear soldiers, he needed different training period. as for the actual formal training, it was extremely strict. terrible conditions stemmed from an awful reward "system" (that usually led to lost being extremely fatigued and starting an endless loop of punishment. there is a reason why lost can push through awful conditions: hes used to it) all blanketed with the justification of "he's the hero of hyrule." they trained him to be a weapon, not a person. he doesn't have a sense of self nor an identity outside of "hero" "champion" or "weapon." things like "brother" got stripped from him when he joined the academy. they didn't bother with setting up a future for him. he eventually figures his shit out but thats YEARS down the line, and even then he's still suffering from this,,,, self objectification? idk how else to describe it when he wasn't getting grilled for "not swinging his sword hard enough" or having his foot a centimeter off even though he hasnt had the privilege of Basic Necessities To Survive in (insert timeframe) he was usually doing something in the coliseum. as it turns out, having the hero show off in front of an audience by fighting a lynel (or multiple) is a GREAT money maker! shame he wasnt usually told beforehand!

being forced into heroism is a big reason as to why hes the silent knight. he never wanted this. being separated from his family (whom of which i have Many thoughts about. same for his childhood honestly) and surrounded by strangers who have no care for who he is but rather what he stands for was absolutely awful, and only made worse by his age. being silent and just dealing with it is how he coped, and its eventually going to boil over (just give it a few years) his knight training was one of THE worst things to happen to him, right under failing to save his kingdom and inadvertently being the cause of hyrule's demise. it's the reason why he acts the way he does. he wasn't allowed to forget, so instead it influences almost everything he does, says and thinks. SO YEAH IT WASNT A GOOD TIME

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[themandaloriansdiaries]

Prompts List

when sending in your request please let me know which character/person you would like, as well as what category you would like. please give me a brief rundown on how you would like for it to go as well. or I can choose which direction it goes in. also! please make sure when you choose a prompt include the number as well!

I do not take credit for these prompts!! I've looked through different prompt lists and mixed them up.

Kiss

"can i kiss you?"

"are you sure about this?"

"close your eyes"

"wanna practise?"

"i really, really want to kiss you right now"

"i think i deserve a kiss"

"if you win, i'll kiss you"

"kiss me again"

"are you wearing chapstick?"

"shut up" (affectionately)

"you'll have to teach me"

"was that okay?"

"you're gonna get lipstick all over me"

"i think this is the part where you're supposed to kiss me"

"just follow my lead"

"one more kiss? please?"

"can we do that again?"

"i like kissing you"

"wanna make out?"

"don't speak. just kiss me"

"your lips are so soft, I could kiss 'em all day"

Fluff

"I miss you"

"close your eyes"

" aw, you're so cute"

"you've always felt like home"

"you make me feel alive"

"i wouldn't change a thing about you"

"did I ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are?"

"I love you"

"why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

"why don't you take a picture? it'll last longer"

"its too cold, come back"

"your hair is so soft"

"no, i'm not letting you go. its too early to get out of bed"

"im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention"

"come here, you can sit on my lap until im done working"

"shh, you're safe. I won't let you go"

"you make me feel safe"

"you're a little shit but you're my little shit"

"do you want to stay over tonight?"

"can I hold your hand?"

"everything has been different since I fell in love with you"

"shh, its okay love, it was just a bad dream"

"stay with me please"

"my heart beats for nothing except you"

"could you hold my hand?"

"go to sleep, you haven't gotten any rest in the past couple of days"

"i'm having your child"

"I've been excited to see you all day"

"'i've lost everything, i'd be stupid enough to lose you"

"can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home?"

Angst

"talk to me please"

"of all people, you?"

"I guess I wasn't enough, was I ?"

"I don't think I can look at you and not think of how you killed every last bit of love I had for you"

"sometimes its so confusing- if you were the one that didn't deserve me, or if it was the other way around"

"if time healed everything, then I would've gotten over you by now. its been years and i'm still where I am while I watch you move on from multiple me's"

"the ghost of you lingers around me everywhere, every second of the day. I just want it to stop. please"

"you're not leaving, are you?"

"don't leave me, please"

"don't do this to yourself"

"I can't just sit by and do nothing when you're suffering so much"

"talk to me please"

"let me help you"

"stop pushing me away"

"you haven't been yourself lately"

"please, just let me go"

"i'm not going anywhere"

"its better this way"

"theres nothing you can do"

"I don't want to lose you too"

"am I too late?"

"just leave"

"you said you'd always be there for me.. how come you weren't there when I fucking needed you"

"just go, leave! its the least you can do after all the pain you've caused me"

"why can't you love me back"

"you're breaking me"

"you did this to me"

"I can never look at you the same after that"

"you were my everything"

"get away from me"

Protective

"get behind me"

"hold my hand, okay? its gonna be over soon"

"close your eyes for me love"

"when I say run, I need you to do as I say without looking back, and don't wait for me"

"its all going to be okay, they will never hut you again"

"I swear to you, that as long as I'm alive I won't let a single soul harm you"

"listen to me.. take deep breaths, yes follow my breathing just like that. theres no need to panic, i'm right here now, aren't I? you're safe"

"when you love something, you are to protect it with your entire life at stake, and right now, my gut tells me to do the same"

"I'll be back very soon, but don't come out. stay hidden until I come back and try not to make a noice, hmm?"

"i'm so sorry, I wish I would've never left you alone! if I knew this would happen, I would've never left you alone"

"don't ever leave my sight again"

"do you trust me?"

"be more careful next time. I don't want to have to bandage you up again"

"you came back"

"I'm going to protect you"

"I got your back"

"I heard you scream, nightmares again?"

"why? because I don't want you to get hurt, that's why"

"promise me you'll be safe"

"I don't feel comfortable with you going there on your own"

Feel free to use any of these! Tag me in your work, I’d love to read them🫶🏽

[majorproblems77]

So a couple times a year my brain decides to get stuck on the Song of Healing (version by Tara St Michel https://tarastmichel.com/lyrics/?p=32) and combining with the ouch that is Unraveling comes this brain worm

Sky fought the hold (it was taking Warriors, Twilight, Wild, and Four to keep him even that still). Ozone was building in the air, the smell sickeningly sweet. Wind was keeping the gales from the Chosen at bay, as much as he could. The little Sailor’s nose had started bleeding with the sheer effort of this battle of wills. Wind himself hadn’t noticed yet, face screwed up in concentration of diverting Sky’s growing storm.

“Do something!” Wild pleaded with Hyrule. Sky jerked and almost tore himself free. Hyrule was calling his magic, but this...poison extended beyond fairy magic to heal. Sky pleaded once more for the demon he saw in Time’s place to ‘let him fall to silence.’

The ocarina song he could hear from the Master Sword changed its melody and offered a solution.

Day to night, dark to light,

Fall the sands of time.

Let the years, like the gears

Of a clock, unwind.

The Song of Healing. A melody to free a tormented soul. He... he couldn’t do that! Sky was in pain, had been for months. It was his fault. But this was one of his boys! He couldn’t risk losing the Chosen Hero.

In your mind walk through time

Back to better days.

Memories, like a dream,

Wash tears away.

Maybe the melody could do what the sword could not? Maybe the fractured soul could be reached?

Cast away your old face,

Let go of your spite.

With this mask I’ll ask

To borrow your light.

Damn it all! He needed to fix this, to have a chance to make it up to Sky. Not...not what the Chosen seemed to desire in his plea for silence. The boys lost their grip on the Chosen right as Time put the instrument to his lips and joined Fi’s melody on the next stanza

With this song, bring no wrong

Lift me from this curse.

Let this form, like a storm,

Fade and disperse

Sky froze at the melody. The tearing winds only just cushioned by their youngest’s own gifts abruptly fell still. Time took a frantic gasp for air and continued.

In your mind walk through time

Back to brighter days.

Days filled with ways that could

Chase fears away.

Sky sank to his knees, the fight suddenly gone. The malice-filled orange in his eyes flickered, for just a moment allowing the crystal blue to return. Crystal blue filled with tears.

Like the sun shining bright,

Light will soon find you.

Bringing a promise that

You’ll be okay.

They could work through it, as long as they all lived through this. He would hold to that promise.

Cast away all your fears,

Follow your heart.

With this mask I’ll ask

To grant a new start.

And with that final strain of melody, Sky fully collapsed. A mask clattered to the ice as it fell off Sky’s face. Orange, hate-filled eyes stared out of malice-tinted fractures mirroring Sky’s lightning scars. Time’s shaking legs gave out. Producing a mask of his own meager magic reserves had drained him beyond exhaustion.

“Is he breathing?” Was Time’s only question as Warriors got to Sky first. The boys all seemed to hold their breath as Warriors carefully turned Sky to check.

“Breathing, got a heartbeat. He’s still alive.”

Time dragged himself to Sky’s side, ignoring the others’ protests and gathered the boy into his arms.

I JUST

JUST

ASJCICO

BELOVED

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMG OMG OMG

*Deep breath*

Okay

Holy hell... I'm crying...(/pos) this is amazing.

I'm at a loss for words, this is stunning. I won't lie it's taken me a solid 20 minutes to be able to formulate a response because I'm just so stunned.

For several reasons

1. This is written incredibly well. I've not heard the peice directly but I can hear it in the written words.

2. I'm stunned that you'd take time out for your day to write something for a piece of work I've made. Im incredibly humbled. Holy shit. Like. Oh man I'm gonna start crying again. (/pos)

3. Its the first time anyone's done something like this for a piece of work I've created. It's such an amazing feeling.

Now if you'll excuse me. I've gotta go cry some more,(/pos) then write some more Unravelling. (With a sprinkle of whumptober)

Just. Thank you so much. It means so much to me that you'd take time to write this.

You are an amazing human being. And have made my week.

[pagodazz]

Youd be willing? YAY!!!!

Could we have some more hcs about vinny and habit, then? :3

YESYESYES OF COURSE!!!!!!!!

I absolutely ADORE DOING THESE AND THOSE GUYS ARE MY HEART AND SOUL SO!!! get ready for some,,

also, I've decided to just. incorporate playlists of the characters I write for:

I personally think their dynamic is one of most misunderstood when it comes to the slenderverse. And I understand that's probably an unpopular opinion amongst many but, TO ME. PEOPLE GET THEM ALL WRONG.

HABIT and Vinnie have basically a very domestic life from what it seems. I mean, You can see that they can move around each other with ease and HABIT has no issue being affectionate with Vinnie, (Vinnie most likely would never initiate it, he knows better. even tho he's immortal and would heal, he's not looking to get gutted.)

You can see that vinnie has no issue talking back to HABIT and being a smart ass. He KNOWS HABIT needs him around, so he's gonna treat HABIT how he wants while he's yk,,, literally being held hostage.

NOW ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!! AND ONTO HCS!!

-----------------------

I think that HABIT is actually a really good artist, I think he probably has a Chicken scratch art style which I find to be really nice.

I think Vinnie is also a pretty good artist, especially after he was left alone for awhile, he definitely picked up some extra talents. probably just a bunch of little things that he could find to entertain himself.

I think that HABIT is a hot chocolate drinker, Vinnie is a tea one. But they both like having coffee in the morning. HABIT likes his with more cream than coffee and Vinnie likes to have a nice Even amount.

I've seen that many people think HABIT makes Vinnie clean up the blood of the victims or the house and stuff and I really don't think he would force him at all, if Vinnie WAS cleaning, it'd be out of his own free will. But I honestly feel like HABITS got his powers. he can do that shit himself methinks.

-----------------

They're both absolutely insufferable, I know that for a fact. But they seem to actually connect on things, they have common interests and they both want to take down slenderman.

HABIT isn't out killing everyday I don't think, I mean for example, what if the weather is just fucking horrible out?? you think HABIT is gonna go out? NO WAY.

I think days, or nights like that, they'll turn on a movie, (most likely a slasher/horror/gore movie) or play a video game, or maybe they'll just go off and do their own things but, obviously in their personal places.

I think this obviously built up over time too, after years of HABIT being the only person Vinnie interacts with, I think it's bound to get a little friendly.

I think it started off with HABIT forcing Vinnie out of his room and making him sit in the living room and he just basically calls him a big sad loser and he needs to unwind because it's making HABIT feel like a big sad loser. (he's lying of course, but he really does want Vinnie to stop moping. it's annoying.)

over time they got comfortable enough to sit on the same couch together. and even more time for HABIT to be able to put his legs over vinnies as he points out the flaws of the kills In each movie.

Habit is ALWAYS talking during movies, and what's worse, so is Vinnie. THEY'D BE HORRIBLE TO WATCH MOVIES WITH. they'd be making fun of the characters and the plot, or they would be talking about what they would be doing instead. Probably ending in them making fun of each other for being so predictable. (they have no other friends. they basically function the same.)

Vinnie actually finds that listening to HABIT ramble can be calming sometimes, mainly because it's a good sign that HABIT is in a good mood and he doesn't need to be walking on eggshells.

--------------------

I think HABIT has taken the time to learn vinnies favorite meals, so on days Vinnie is "really good" (There was no need for the canon use of "im a good boy" and "you've been a bad little boy.") he'll make Vinnie his favorite thing.

Vinnie is always so suspicious of course, and that always makes HABIT happy, He's always glad to know that Vinnie doesn't trust him, atleast not completely. HABIT likes that. He's found someone who he can respect and someone who respects him.

Vinnie knows his place and that might just be one of HABITS favorite things about him.

-----------------------

I think that they actually like to watch each other work, even though they actively complain about it.

Yes this even goes for Vinnie filming HABIT torturing. He doesn't really enjoy the whole torture part, but he likes watching HABIT work, and it gives him content, wether he can even post it. Hes sick in the head guys, his curiosity will ALWAYS get the better of him.

Although I think Vinnie much prefers to watch HABIT clean and sharpen his weapons. HABIT'S weapons are his pride and joy, he loves them more than anything. ANYTHING. and Vinnie can see that when HABIT takes care of them, He admires it a little.

He think it's kind of beautiful, the way a entity so awful like that could find love for something even if it's in some sort of twisted version of it, it's still love right?

And I think HABIT really likes to watch Vinnie work on his computer, or well, he likes to BOTHER Vinnie while he works. I see him basically as a cat who is desperate for any kind of attention.

I could see him basically throwing himself at Vinnie and touching all over his face and hair and messing with his laptop and asking several questions that he definitely knows the answer to, he just wants to watch Vinnie's face as he gets annoyed. He finds it fun.

Vinnie can never EVER stay angry for some reason, maybe it's because sometimes for a split a second, HABIT looks like Evan.

---------------

HOPE THESE WERE ALRIGHT... I didn't want to write WAY too much.

[th3-0bjectivist]

The Salvation Day Interviews (2 of 2) with musician Anthony Tadlock

     Dear listener, this is part 2 of 2 of my Salvation Day Interviews with Anthony Tadlock, A.K.A. t-underneaththeradardancing on Tumblr. For reference, Part 1 is here. Without further ado let’s start picking T’s oddly poetic and musical brain once again...

    Mr Tadlock, SD’s style of music seems quite distinct and doesn’t sound exactly like any other band I’ve heard of. When you two record music, what is the specific style you’re aiming for? Do you and Ms Vita Rhie Quintanilla align on any favorite influences that heavily sway your sound? Do you two enjoy the same type of music outside of SD? How much does classical or modern music affect your own expression as musicians?

     whether we are recording - playing live - just fucking around (what passes for "practice/rehearsal ") we dont actually aim for a style - early on we talked in general about "goals" we agreed that what we aim for is transcendent magic healing - and we will settle for being in tune and not sucking - influences many and varied but both agree if on a desert island - and could only have one album it would b miles davis "kind of blue" - we both enjoy a wide range of music...

     everything we hear - have heard - from classical to punk rock influences us - we also play a fair amount of "covers" live - a typical example would be "i know places" which is a kind of dirge by lykke li - vita had never heard it before - it was a staple in my live performances at the time - vita listened to what i had done w it and it became a staple of early performances having morphed into almost a stax type r&b - like many songs we play - we worked out the arrangement during performances with little or no discussion about arrangement

     I find that some of the most effective musical groups out there are duos. There’s just something that seems more concentrated and concise about a duo’s ability to wrap an album in a tight bow. Compared to other musical projects you’ve worked on in the past, do you prefer dealing with one single other creative mind… or many others… and what are the disadvantages of both from your point of view? When you’re playing guitar and she’s singing, for example, how do you deal with the inevitable issue of adding percussion to ‘enhance’ a track or live performance?

    at this time there are actually 3 members of SD - the 3rd is london - he plays guitar and bass - is engineering / producing our next project - at various times we have had a 3rd musician join us for a song or 2 - and there is maggie umber the artist, who created our web site - a video and some behind the scenes stuff - which is not precisely answering the question - i understand about duos though - with 2 minds/ souls it is easier to keep the connection - the unspoken - and be as 1 - with the whole being more than the sum of - it was only in making the album and making hard choices / dealing with forced choices and realities that i realized my true role / gift as a guitarist/musician is being a catalyst for magic to happen - to digress - often at open mics - peeps play along from their seats - impromptu collabs occur - sometimes the whole place becomes the stage - today im gonna prob play 1 song w the host/emcee - we have played 2x together - 1st time was cuz someone who had someone die that they were close to requested she play hendrix purple haze and she asked me if i could - tho i have heard the song countless times - the last time i played parts of it - i was maybe 15 - but it’s a simple structure - i said give me a minnit - went outside tried out chords as i remembered and something resembling the guitar parts - spent maybe 5 minutes total - came back in and said yah sure but u have to sing - no rehearsal - loose and nothing like note for note - ffs i dont play anything note for note or exactly the same way twice –

    anyway - it’s like that w vita - she often asks - can we play xxx - i say sure - look up chords if i dont know and ...w vita it has been consistent magic from the start and while not effortless by any stretch - we both put everything we have into the music as we play - whether we are loosely playing in my dining room / her living room - out in the street - onstage - sometimes we think there is no audience and a neighbor will later say they liked it - or look up on the street and realize we have attracted a small audience - in terms of the limitations - especially when vita isnt playing guitar - partially i am accustomed to playing solo just me and guitar - have developed different strategies for compensating / filling holes in the sound - that said we have wanted a percussionist from day 1 - on the album and ep we used synthesized drums / percussion which can be hard cuz we are a bit quirky - so in some ways salvation day will always be vita and t at the core - tho our 1 performance w london was ez and in some ways our best - and playing w him is ez and natural - unfortunately no recording

    I have but one final query and it’s a general one, so buckle your fuckles. I’m curious Mr Tadlock, what do you think of the state of modern music? When I listen to Salvation Day, I hear a group that is 100% genuine. You’ve got an interesting story and your entire act and delivery is sincere… when I turn on modern radio I just hear utter nonsense. Nonsense that is often dumbed down by multimillion dollar corporations that are trying to turn the talents of others into a saleable product. Do you think the vast majority of modern music is even healthy for people, and is there a conscientious effort on your behalf to keep the presentation pure with Salvation Day?

     the state of modern music ? idk tbh - it’s a scattered and confusing landscape - like always - much of wat is out there is crap - but then again - i lissen to 60s station on sirius when on road trips w the unpoet and much of what i hear is pretty crappy and i love the 60s lol - same same modern music which i get sporadic exposure to via tumblr instagram and youtube - hearing while in cafes or in ride shares - SNL ... and every once in a while an absolute gem is heard so is "mainstream " pop /commercial music "healthy" - fuck if i know - i remember 1st listening to top 40 am radio in 1st grade - loved the chipmonks (Alviiiiiiin!) singing witch doctor - a one off "flying purple people eater " lots of "novelty records " when previously listened to moms opera and frank sinatra - beatles werent on the radar yet but beach boys - mostly vacuous but fun - have gone thru phases - only listened to jazz and opera for almost a decade - have compulsively listened to 1 album or artist for periods - was any of it "healthy" maybe - it fomented trance and being outside myself - sometimes music is entertainment - sometimes just background for a lot of people - but also a way of coming together - a way to express confusing/conflicting emotions - i could critique modern music as being cookie cutter and meaningless - but no more than say doo wop dang a langa ding dong indeed or has there ever been anyone more transgressive than little richard then again chuck berry stooping to my dingaling ffs

     so did we do we trynna keep it "pure" w salvation day - fuck yah - i mean how fucking audacious (pretentious) to call it Path of Sacred Art - i thot our producer understood and they did sorta but - and i love our album but at one point i almost walked away from it - the process slowly grinds - yah rough edges r smoothed but - a case in point - the epitome of early salvation day - the sacred art side was/is "reincarnation" something went terribly wrong in the studio - after spending waaaay too much time recording vita's guitar - and too much autotune on her vocal - her guitar track had a "glitch" making it unusable - by the time that was discovered vita was in davis again - covid was just about to go into the lock down phase ...it was expedient to hire a classic trained studio musician that the producer knew and could record studio quality on his laptop

     and tbh i still am not sure how much of the electric on it is actually me or if some was replaced w same studio guitarist - little dramas like this went on for months during the mixing process and much of the email text exchanges w producer were late night sleep ruining drama - in the interest of ever getting the album finished - vita - whom i gave ultimate decision making since they are her songs - deeply personal - she has literally shed blood (read her book) during the writing of performing recording , allowed almost all of her guitar to b scrapped - replaced by same studio musician - tho to said musicians credit - she did a good job of re creating vita - and if some of my guitar - we only talking about a few notes - was also replaced - she faithfully re created - tho i did go in studio one day a couple weeks after recording was "finished" and laid down a lot of riffs / repeating lines / solos and i was sooooo stoned i truthfully dont remember - in those daze because of intense constant pain - i used what in retrospect were enormous amounts of thc and cbd - no other drugs or alcohol but i was high 24-7 and rarely got as much as 3 hours sleep a night - anyway - so yah we did our best to keep it pure - and there is nothing cookie cutter about the album

     T !!! JFC !!! Thanks so much for your time and your FANTASTIC riffing here on Tumblr. Listen to Salvation Day here on YouTube or here on Spotify. Their website is here. If you liked this post, please spread the word about SD and consider reblogging this set of interviews. And if you haven’t done it yet, scroll to the top and middle-bottom of this post and smash play!

[eirian]

journaling really is good for the soul my dudes..you dont have to do it every day or every time something happens. you can do it whenever the feeling hits you. and it doesnt have to be a boring text-only entry (unless thats what you like!), you can put little stickers or washi tape or drawings or photos or whatever you want in there. it can be as pretty or as simple as you want it because its Your Journal. i literally write in mine when i feel like it and i like to put cute stickers and washi tape on the pages to make them look fun even tho im the only one whos ever gonna read the journal. its for me, baby. anyway try journaling i promise its worth a try at least once. for me its like writing up those ramble text posts but like, privately, but still where i can see it, and with stickers LOL. i can write about literally whatever i want like i even wrote down a character analysis as well as ideas for new merch options a while ago and now i just write about whatever the fuck. its so healing for some reason. journal now

[bwobgames]

Previous First

Ángel stabs him, he takes out the knife to let it bleed out

"We need to take him out of the house"

"Ángel! Over here!"

Nadia opens the door to one of the rooms

It's the same room where they were last loop

"What...?"

Nadia enters and opens... the window?

They take him, he's struggling

They are going inside the room

Are they putting him into bed?

"Oh"

"They are going to drop him"

They are in the window frame, Eugene is struggling against them.

He could fall at any moment

"They... They are going to kill him. Forever, no looping

That's...

I don't want Ángel to be a murderer. He's already gone through so much.

And Nadia! She's too young to have this in her conscience, her own dad..."

"This is not fair to them"

Oliver Beebo is a man who cares about what's fair, even if it disagrees with the law

Nothing about their situation has been fair, so he does what he thinks it's best.

He runs to the window

And pushes the man himself

"Ángel and Nadia don't deserve something like this in their souls

I can take it.

It comes with the job"

They hear him hit the ground

They look down

He's not moving

"Even if he survives the fall, the blood loss and the cold temperatures should be enough to kill him.

He's... he's pretty much dead

Forever"

Beebo takes his phone

"He's... He's to the side of the house. I'm going to hang now. We'll be out in a little bit"

He has... conflicting feelings about this situation

Is this fair? To be killed forever against multiple killings that technically never happened?

Ah, his therapist is gonna have a field day with this

"So... he tripped and fell, right?"

"Wha- Ángel!"

"Yeah Ángel, how did he get stabbed if he just tripped? We need to add something about self defense"

"I mean, he did try to kill us. We have enough proof all over our faces"

"And the bombs, don't forget the bombs"

"Alright, listen! When we get out and reunite with everyone, we'll agree with a story"

"Because it's very unlikely they'll believe there's a time loop"

"I say we tell everyone it was something really stupid, like he thought this was the first floor or something"

"I don't think that's plausible"

"No, no, it has merits"

"... Maybe having you two get along was a bad idea"

"Wha- Im not getting along with him!"

"My love, you offend me. How could you- YOUR FACE"

Ángel looks at Beebo's bloddied face

"Are you okay?! Did he get your eye?! Can you see?!"

"It's okay, it was just my eyebrow"

Ángel takes the end of his scarf and brings it to Oliver's face

"Is it healing?! Did he hit any arteries?! Quick, do you feel nauseous? Light-headed? What's your blood type?!"

"Ángel, I'm fine. It's already healing"

"Put pressure on it, you don't have any coagulation problems, do you?"

"I don't, do you?"

"Huh?"

Oliver takes the scarf

"Look, you are bleeding too"

"Oh. Oh yeah, that explains some things"

"Here, I'll try my best. Tell me if it hurts, okay?"

He cleans the blood off Ángel's face

"I'm sorry about your scarf, and your jacket, and the future scar this will leave."

"It's okay, It looks good on me, and we'll match!"

"And I can just take a few millions from Coli's company for my clothes"

"Hey!"

"What? Is compensation for the damage"

"What will you do after that?"

"I don't know, maybe a stay at home husband for one lucky man"

"A very lucky man"

"You two do realize the first floor is on fire, right?"

"Oh. Oh yeah"

"Oh fuck, the fire, yes"

"Nadia, make a rope with the bedsheets from here to the patio and get out as soon as possible. Call everyone to get there"

"Got it"

"Wait, kid"

Ángel takes out the photobook of his pocket, it's a little battered

He gently bops the book against the top of her head

"Ta-da, the gift of knowledge"

"... I am very glad he died now"

"Hah, we are not so different, then"

"Die"

"Of course of course"

She goes to the bedroom

"Okay, now we just need to find a nice sturdy object. Like a femur"

"Like a what"

Beebo goes through the rooms, he finds a piece of wood

Probably for future renovations

"Not as great as my good friend femur, but I shall love it all the same

Oh wood, thank you for allowing the deed we are doing today. Your companionship is-"

Ángel takes it away from him

"Huh?"

"Ángel? What's wrong?"

"Aside from everything that has happened tonight"

"Do we really have to destroy it?"

[go-to-the-mirror]

This is MAG 131 - Flesh. God, I'm not okay. I'm gonna try have good words today.

@a-mag-a-day hi howdy im sooo normal about this episode.

CWs for canon-atypical discussions of canon-typical self-harm & suicidal ideation.

Canon-atypical bc Jon's like "hey" *does really fucked up thing to himself* "anyway"

I'm swearing as little as I possibly can while discussing this episode /hj.

Anyway, the analysis part is at the end, but I say good words in the rambles.

[Tape clicks on.] (There’s a deep breath. The breathing intensifies, before a determined exhalation.) [Thunk.] (There’s a whimper.) [A wet ripping, as of extracting a blade from flesh.] (The Archivist makes a pained noise. Then grumbles as his breathing evens.) [The tape crackles.] (The Archivist clears his throat as a second cleaving is attempted.) [Thunk] (The Archivist whimpers again.) [Fleshy extraction and tape crackling again]

JESUS CHRIST WHY DOES IT SOUND SO LIKE- GOOD??? HEARTWRENCHING??? Well done to the editors of this episode, and Jonny for the... pained whimpers -- jesus christ -- but my heart, my soul, how am I meant to emotionally recover from that, good lord Jon put the fucking knife down.

ARCHIVIST (Pained frustration) Oh, come on… Everyone else can carve up the Archivist, but when he actually needs it…

This line this fucking line. Oh my god I love this line, I hate this line, this line lives in my brain rent free, this line is the worst and best thing to ever happen to me, this fucking line, oh my god.

Something about the lack of control, mayhaps. Like, he can be hurt by others, he's hurt by other's plenty, but he can't hurt himself, he can't cut off his own finger, he can't make his informed decision that throwing himself into the Buried with only his severed finger is better than staying above and being a monster.

MELANIE (Charged tones) Yes, the bullet was bad, right, but it didn’t make me angry. Anger is… Anger’s been all I’ve had for a very long time. Years. Maybe since… oh, I, I don’t know. But everything I’ve done, everything I pushed for was because I was angry. Angry at being passed over, being disrespected, ignored. That sort of anger, it-it powers you. Right up until it slips out and hurts someone. I hurt someone. And then one day, I suddenly have this thing that takes all that rage, and it holds it, tells me it’s right, that it’s me. It didn’t stay in my leg because of some ghostly masterplan. It stayed because I wanted it.

Right, so, I really like this line because I used to be angry all the time, because of Personal Reasons, and like... that line. Just strikes me right to me core. Anger that becomes you, or maybe you become it. Anger that you love because you love yourself (right?), but you hate because you hate yourself. Anger that feels justified, was justified, but now you're just hurting people.

...

God, I love this show.

ARCHIVIST Oh, th-the blade keeps going in. And… it hurts. Hurts plenty. But then it heals up. Pretty much the moment I take it out. No wound, no scar, nothing.

Jonnnn stop trying to cut your finger off to save the life of someone who you don't even like and who tried to kill you because you think it'll make Basira think you're useful, and Melanie think that you didn't deserve to die with Tim and Daisy, and Martin stop being so distant. Or just so you'll die, or something close.

God, Jon, like I get why he's doing this, and he's not an idiot but I just want... headinhands.

ARCHIVIST I mean, you'd think I'd have a better idea how to do it. All these… all these statements and… (Small laugh) You know who I need? I need the Boneturner. (Sighs) Just reach in and grab a rib. Job done.

I like how he says it, he's very funny, I like him. :3 (no way??? kris likes jon??? crazyyyy)

ARCHIVIST You’re still wearing her face.

yeah um so like Jon sort of watched helen die (?). what's this, 5 people he feels responsible for the death (?) of? christ, no fucking wonder, no fucking wonder he's like this.

ARCHIVIST We’re not people, though, are we? Not anymore.

headinhands. sure, maybe he's a monster now, an Avatar, maybe he's hurting innocent people but christ... Tim's not his fault, Daisy's not his fault, Helen's not his fault, Sasha's not his fault, the fucking bully's not his fault. Some things are his fault, yeah! He doesn't deserve to die for them! Sure, maybe you're not a person, Mr. Sims, but you're an alright monster, you're a fucking alright monster who's going above and beyond for someone who tried to kill you and you don't have to to prove to yourself and Basira and Melanie and Martin that you deserve to live.

I care him.

JARED That’s what it says on me licence. Mind you, the picture’s a bit out of date.

Every day I remember that Alex voiced Jared.

ARCHIVIST Right. But… you know if you do, you're never getting out of this place.

*guy who's only read PJO* I'm getting serious PJO vibes from this.

Like, idk? For some reason my brain thinks "Annabeth" when I hear that line.

ARCHIVIST Take something out. A bone. A rib, probably. S-Something I won’t miss.

JON YOU FUCKING NEED THOSE.

Jon... Jon... those are IMPORTANT. oh my godd "something i won't miss" ah yes compromise the structural integrity of your skeleton before jumping in the Crush-You-To-Death dimension. Such a good idea /s

Where do you want me to start? Growing up? My folks? How ‘bout that growth spurt when I was nine? It left me taller than all the other kids. I hated them, the way they stared.

I'm actually fairly broad shouldered, and somehow taller than a lot of people, despite being pretty average height, and it always makes me feel really weird when I'm around people who're shorter and/or smaller than me. Like I'm looming over them or something. Bodies are weird. I like being tall though, it annoys my middlest sister <3

But it talked to me about bones and flesh and muscle and blood; the bits of myself I actually knew and liked.

Can't relate (transgender)

Some of my mates, the ones I helped find their proper bodies, they listened, and went to feed the hunger.

The... things in MAG 130 reminded me a lot of Jared's victims from the gym, so maybe those were his "mates."

I don’t blame people for thinking that all bones are the same, most people don’t have much experience, but it’s not true. There are good bones, and there are bad bones, and Regan Hasnain had some very good bones in her. They were solid, healthy, and they jumped at my touch. I didn’t doubt the letters again.

How the fuck did Elias know what bones were good and bad- I mean yeah probably spooky eye nonsense, but still? Asjdfsahf

ARCHIVIST That’s it? (He snorts) Hardly worth a rib.

Sorry, mate, we're doing body horror this episode, but like not in the statement... oooh sorry you had to find out this wayyyy, yeaahhhh

(The Archivist makes noises of pain.) [Extended sounds of meat and bone movement]

Here's a moment where the unofficial transcripts are absolutely superior, also here's a moment where I'm like what the hell? The sounds are so??? Disgusting?? /pos. The editors did a fantastic job on this one. And Jonny's quite good at uh... strangled sounds of pain. Jesus, Jon. oh god. it's so. YEA. /pos

Yeah. This episode right? Oh god, Jonny why. Jonny why. Like than you, yk, like 10/10, I like my fictional characters emotionally and physically damaged, but ALSO those noises of pain. They sounded. 10 out of fucking 10.

Anyway, onto the speaking with good words part.

I think a lot about Jon's Flesh mark, and The Flesh in general, because it's one of my absolute favourites of the Fears, and my favourite mark that Jon got, hands down. Because, it's not only got the surface-level, face-value, Flesh thing. You take out the ribs! That's horrifying, Jared reaching into Jon and pulling out his ribs in isolation is horrifying, but it's not in isolation. This happened with Jon's need to prove himself as useful, his belief -- that is supported by the people around him -- that his life is only worth something if he's useful.

ARCHIVIST Fine. I don’t care if you trust me, but I think I’ve proven at the very least that I’m useful. So, use me.

(MAG 133 - Dead Horse).

And The Flesh mark? He got Jared to take out his rib, he asked Jared to do grievous bodily harm to him, because he thinks his life is only worth something, that he should only be allowed to live, if he's useful. If he can "right his wrongs", if he can save Daisy.

The Flesh mark wasn't just the rib, it was his need to prove himself as useful, made manifest. And in the end, the rib didn't even work. "There wasn’t single suitable cut." He 'made himself useful' by saving Daisy, but the rib was useless. He put himself through that for nothing except serving someone else's purpose. Something to be used and ultimately to discard.

[aftonfalk]

GROWTH IN NATURE

Holy shit. The last few days have been insane. We drove 10 hours to get to Styrn in Norway. I had no idea that we could get this kind of scenery in our neighbouring country! Feels like Im in Lord of the rings, Vikings or Game of thrones or something.

I have done things these days I thought was almost impossible to do beacuse of my health anxiety. I realize how priviliged it is to worry about things like this when I have it as good as I do.

A month ago I had anxiety about traveling here (being far from a major hospital) but I did it.

I have had symptoms, but nowhere near as many as back home. I have climbed a mountain 2x times and ignored my intrusive thoughts about heart issues and having a heart attack doing it. Everything went fine, of course. I feel stronger and have so much more confidence than before. Im in a period of finding myself after 2 years of stress and pain. Finally, I feel like Im healing.

The day before yesterday we visited a glacier, packed with weird ass tourists. Kinda spoiled it for us. Some people are so moronic they think its okay to walk up to a strangers dog and start msking faces and petting it. Our puppy is only 9 months old and she has some sort of social issues (she has always been so scared of other people and dogs and are often on high alert around new people). Everything is going great when she just walks beside us and no one is interacting with her but some dumbass teenagers and kids and a retarded middle age man thought it was fun running up to here and making noises. Me and Carl Carl had to literally swat away peoples hands and Carl got into a verbal fight with a french family that was too persistent. So yeah, supercool glacier but the tourist just maked everything feel off.

Yesterday we did the big hike. 4 hours up the mountain. We went out around 12 and it was too hot to handle. The perks of being at a place where there is no one else is that you can kinda do whatever you want. Both me and Carl were more comfortable walking topless. I felt so free, like a prehistoric woman or something hahah. Felt really connected to nature and myself. When we reached a valley and sat down to take in the scenery I cried tears of joy over how beautiful it were and the otherwordly experience of not seeing another living soul for miles.

Today is a lazy day at the cabin, I did my morning pilates on the lawn, looking out over the mountain. (I have never felt so blessed) after breakfast me and Carl have been out on a walk (tried to fish in a pond but failed) and now we sit in the sun eating chips, Carl is drinking beer and Im gonna take some time for myself and write on one of my short stories.🌻

[yournotsolocalcryptid]

Whatever Happens

6/?

PREV (One) / NEXT

tags: @transeliot @mentallyunstablebish @sarah0687 @cjand10 @warmommy if you would like to be added or removed from my writing tag just lemme know :)

Summary: idk man, fluffy stuff, tending to wounds, mini heart to heart typa vibes

Pairing: Billy/Four x Gender neutral reader

Word count: 666

Warnings: fluff, tending to wounds, cuddling american writing a brit, poor writing and editing skills etc

It was dark when you finally woke up. You lay in the quiet for a few minutes then hauled yourself off the bed and grabbed new materials for Billy's wounds. You found him laid out on his back on the couch with one nodding off in the chair. You turned on the lamp by billys head and saw the other man jerk awake as you did. You assumed he hadn't intended to fall asleep or let his guard down but you paid him no mind and continued. You knelt by billys abdomen and gently lifted his shirt above the bandaged area and carefully started removing those as well. You ignored his stare as you inspected the wounded area. You went in with some disinfectant just to be safe, which caused him to hiss, then you secured the new gauze and threw out the old. you then took a disinfectant wipe from your first aid kit to the remaining open wounds on his head. Some were healing well and some were bad enough that it was going to take more than just a few days to see progress. As you tenderly blotted then you were grateful neither of the two men had said anything and you hoped they wouldn't. You finished with the last one on his face and you noticed another near his collar bone which you gave the same treatment. As you pulled away his hand caught yours and he brought it to his lips and gave a quick kiss, you assumed in thanks. You turned, tossed the wipe in the trash and returned to your room, all the while you could feel his big beautiful puppy dog eyes on you. 

    You lay on your bed, back facing the door. You stared at the wall in the dark, zoned out and numb. You heard the door open and close softly behind you. You didn't move, you knew which one it was   Billy lay beside you. You both stayed silent for a long while the he said quietly “im sorry. I’m-” his voice cracked “so fucking sorry, love” 

   You didn't respond, you just lay there willing yourself not to cry, as you knew billy was too. After you you don't even know how long, you rolled over and lay your head on his chest as you’d done so many times so very long ago and murmured “we will have to talk about it eventually you know.”

   “I know” 

You both remained awake and in that position for hours, silence filling the room. Eventually your mind wandered to the man in the other room. You were surprised he was keeping his mouth shut and minding his own business, you were also surprised he was still here and it begged the question, why? Why was One still here and why had he told you so much? 

   You sat up “BIlly?”

   He hummed in response 

   “Why is he still here? And why did he tell me all that?”

   “not  entirely sure. His behavior is odd, even for him. I expected him to come for me and find me, I didn't expect the rest.”

   “is he gonna kill me? Is that why he…” you trailed off

   “No. I don't think thats his intention and I would never let that happen”

   “then why?”

   “Not sure, love. I’m as confused as you are.” he reached up and gently starts rubbing small circles on your back. It was soft and reassuring. He’s here and you're safe, but you cant help but doubt how long it would last. He left before he might again, but something deep down told you he’d never leave your side. That this was somehow different than before and he’d never do it again. You weren't sure if this feeling came from your soul, heart, head, gut, intuition, context clues or if you were just deeply delusional but here you were believing the man who’d lied, left and faked his own death when he said “whatever happens, I’ve got you”

[heystephen]

hey ebd anon! to be honest i knew she was wacky from the first day i met her because she started yelling (at the top of her lungs) in an attempt to win a dumb argument

i was weirded out for a hot minute there until i realized she has narcissistic traits much like my dad does, and she's very similar to my grandma (dad's mom) too.

just as an example, my grandma made me swear i would never share this info with anyone until i die: she sat me down one day and told me my other grandma (mom's mom) is a whore. mind you both of these women were in their 70s at the time. but yeah apparently she was a whore because she started dating for a brief period in her 50s after becoming a widow. my best friend's boyfriend tragically passed away last year, and this woman had the audacity to tell me she wanted to set up my friend with someone not even a month after the funeral because "she's young, she's not gonna be alone forever". this is a woman who went to book a church and priest for me to get married on a date that works for her. then somehow found the phone number and called my mil and told her "the church is handled" so i got a call - while on vacation and not in the process of planning a wedding btw - from my mil who said "handle your grandmother" and hung up on me. i had no idea what had been happening, or even that the two knew each other because the families hadn't met yet. and i was on vacation. out of the country. this woman booked a church with just my name?! like am i marrying myself or something?! nope, she just wanted it to be that date because she heard her other son might be in town that day too.

anyway, given the similar traits she shares with my mil, they have sort of become very close friends since i got married. no one knows what they talk about, but they're on the phone for hours and both lie about who they've been talking with (i've caught them in these lies myself). my mil is very chatty especially after a drink or two (it's an issue) so she spills most things to my sister in law, except anything to do with my grandma. then my sil shares all the gossip with me, which is how i learned the woman thinks im a witch out to get her. i have noticed my mil has picked up some language patterns from my grandma, and some beliefs too, which is how i know they're very close these days. aside from the comments ive heard from my mil about my grandma (moms mom) being a whore (that sounds familiar doesnt it?) and then also my cousin because she dared to wear something tight that looks good on her. yeah.

meanwhile, my "whore" grandma and cousin are women i actually really look up to because they're incredibly strong. hell, my grandma was the first person to teach me about feminism when i was in elementary. she was having coffee while i was visiting her and she told me i should never feel afraid of the partner i choose in life and that we should both be equal in both similarities and in differences. it was her simple way of saying the ideal relationship is when both parties respect each other even in arguments and disagreements. and my cousin left the country at 18, as soon as she could get a passport, so she could make a better life for herself than what she had in her hometown. she found a job, accommodation and lived through god knows what (i know small bits) to make it out of this country.

anyway, my mil is convinced her sister in law is a witch and a whore and she's told me all about her. allegedly, she's seen the witchcraft books this woman owns. my first thought upon hearing that was "how did you ever find them oh innocent soul that can do no wrong without snooping" and then i learned she went snooping. so i know she's gone through my shit in the last few months we've been living together but i got nothing to offer so 🤷🏻‍♀️. oh and the witchcraft books turned out to be some eastern healing books. she told me this herself going off about "this eye" and "special points on the body" and whatever else is in books like that im not too familiar.

sorry for the long ask scout, i tried to summarize as much as possible, and now im sending loving bites to both you and ebd anon <3

.... maybe the bites are witchcraft 😂😂😂

there is So much lore to unpack from all of this i feel like im going to be ruminating on this for days

[honey-tongued-devil]

HONEY I FUCKING LOVE YOU

THAT WHOLE CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD. I HAD A HUNCH THAT WHAT YOU SAID I’D LIKE ABOUT IT WAS GOING TO INCLUDE RAIN AND PHANTOM AND I WAS RIGHT…. i was right….. nyeheehehehhee 😈gonna get a bit devious… a bit 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 …… up in here. 😈 i. LOVE. the dynamic between reader, phantom, & rain. LIKE.. LIKE HELLO?????????? Idk man i just love it!! i also really love phantom and rains relationship, and how rain acts as sort of a guide dog. It fits really well. moving onto “ YOU CAN FUCK THE GHOULS?” im sorry that is so ME. me. i loved that whole shebang it was adorable, and so fucking comedic . Kevin is so sassy but I *know* he’s hiding something under that facade….. 😡😡 hes a bit suspicious!!! so is cassy… 😡😡😡 might just be my issues seeping in though??? either way if there’s more of them in the next chapters, i am VERY VERY excited! The ghouls bantering and bickering is so precious to me:(((( like yesss dew im sorry i took your slut away but maybe you can have me instead! trust! yess go back to scarfing down rice me too king…hes so fine. like your design of dew and your over all portrayal is SO. fine. hes so pretty. like i am so sorry but i cant come up with a more coherent literary analysis of this chapter because im fucking REELING😭 THAT WHOLE THING WAS TOO FUNNY AND I GOT MOST OF THE REFERENCES FROM LIKE INCORRECT QUOTES ETCETERA YOU PUT INTO THE DIALOGUE. IM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA IM SO HAPPY THIS STORY WAS UPDATED. also i was legit looking at your designs for phantom and rain a while ago i don’t know how i didn’t see the update😞 nonetheless better late than never! (never wouldnt happen i check your account every 1-2 business days) also can i just commend you for your designs on phantom and rain ???????? they’re so fucking pretty like i might shed tears. truly i might. i get like a bunch of serotonin looking at thejr designs, especially rains eyes and phantoms spots. theyre so beautiful. that threesome healed my soul man i cant i llove them sm

tl;dr : ARFARNFJDJJDJFKCJJXKMDNRHRGGHHHHGERREEEGRRRRRRRGJFJJFJDISIEIJRNFNNCNFNFKSOWOOSKSKKSIODOFPFPOFFJGRRRRRRARFARFARF

wonderful writing as always honey, you never disappoint <3

- @n4zareth 🧡

I thought I had replied to you, but here we are. With this reply, I take the opportunity to spoil you that the new chapter will be out by tomorrow morning (in a maximum of 12 hours, to be clear), and that in two days at most a one-shot inspired by the movie will be out, but no spoilers, so in case you get bored, I hope to fill your days a bit.

That said: it made me laugh that you had predicted it because that chapter was written months ago, and on one hand, every time I write a silly chapter, I say "okay, today we're going light," but on the other hand, it all makes sense. Simply put, in the previous chapters, Dew talked about Rain's imprinting, how Rain had become attached to him, became very protective towards him, and gradually managed to make him completely settle in. What Rain is now doing is imprinting with Phantom (and if you reread the first chapters, it also makes sense). Before the quintessence incident, Rain was the one Phantom bonded with, and when after the incident Rain bonded with the reader, Phantom was consequently excluded, obviously not intentionally. Similarly, the second attempt at imprinting is happening with a human, so instead of behaving like a demon or a cat or whatever, it's more human-like behavior.

After watching the movie, I know that Kevin is really a dork, so I'm glad I included that silly scene, same for the ghouls insulting each other.

As for the designs, I'm still trying to find the style that works best, but I'm working on it because I really adore the ghouls, I can't not draw them.

Hope to see you soon <3 -honey

[anchorandrope]

leaving jokes aside, do you actually care about anti-larry and/or anti-larries (in a good way)? like would you forgive them for the harassment if they genuinely ask you to do it?

hii !! well, actually i don't have a short answer for this question so i'll try to make it as concise as i can.

first of all, i do believe that people can change their mind after getting educated and as they grow up, so if a 15 y/o in 2014 told me to kms now comes and ask me for forgiveness, if i see that they are actually sorry i definitely would forgive them. i don't own them nothing, im well aware i do not need to forgive people to find peace to myself, to have self-esteem and love, i believe humans do not need to forgive to heal in any kind of way. being that said, i know that people feel like asking for forgiveness is a good way to heal themselves and if so, i would be really happy to forgive.

if you had asked me this same question a couple of years ago, im sure my answer would be different, but since i took a step back in the fandom and i worked on myself, i realised that even though its totally unacceptable to harras and send death threats to someone, no matter your age or life situation, its absolutely unworthy to reply every anonymous ask, to try to ask for respect, to be kind and to try to make them understand that what they are doing is wrong.

of course you are allowed to be mentally drained after harassment because it can hurt, specially if you are struggling on a daily basis. but at the end of the day, anonymous asks and blogs here or on other social media are people who don't know you and if they believe they do only because you posted something on the internet they didn't like they are clearly the problem. this might be the hardest thing to say but online or irl you will find people who dislike you and that's okay. we are billions of souls on this planet, of course some of them are gonna be mean, and it sucks! but what you have to try to do is to don't take hate that personal. people who correct your errors and try to explain you respectfully why you are mistaken are usually good people or people who love you. people who call you horrible stuff without any intention of making you change but to make you feel bad are the people who you don't have to pay attention to. people reflect their insecurities, problems, etc on others all the time (mostly unconsciously) and if you ever try to explain them that fact, they will get defensive.

your time and energy are something precious, you will never live the same second two times. try to work on yourself, try to ask yourself what do you want to invest your time and energy into. is a tumblr anon who call me stupid worth it of taking my energy and time? is it useful to spend hours worrying about anonymous messages on the internet? one day you will understand that no, its never worth it. try to pay more attention to people who love and appreciate you, who correct you for your good and who are always by your side.

my recommendation is to hold people accountable for what they did, never justify what they have done to you (or anyone) but always try to think with kindness and not with hate. of course the person who sent you a copy-paste hate message on your askbox is an idiot, what im trying to say is that maybe and just maybe that idiot is having thr worst time of their lives and hating on everyone is the only way to feel relief, which it is unacceptable but, in my opinion, thats what it makes me feel in peace with myself, because i know that im not the problem. and honey, i can assure you that is nothing more comforting than it wasn't your fault.

i hope that i explained myself the way i want to be understood, if not please let me know how can i help you to understand this better.

and lastly, i want to say something that i know that a lot of people wouldn't like, but i believe its time to be said. giving attention to people who hates you its only gonna make them wanting to hate you more and more and starting hating on others. so if you actually care if making this or any fandom/community an better place to express our interests in a mature and pleasant way, you need to stop answering hate anons. it might be "funny" to you, but think of others. what if we all collectively posted every hate we receive? do you believe that your twitter timeline or tumblr dash is gonna be full of fan art and fics? you are fooling yourself if so. is it worth it posting triggering stuff and stuff that may affect others mental-health? yeah that's what i though.

i wish from the bottom of my heart, peace, health and love to everyone single soul out there who is struggling with hate. and if you keep sending hate being an adult, not knowing if you are sending that to a minor or a suicidal person, i wish you get the karma you need. you cannot convince me that you have the "dream life" you claim to have because if so, you won't be hating on tumblr blogs by the year of 2024. you are, in fact a pathetic piece of shit who sadly believes that insulting anonymously is gonna make this a better world ;)