#one the left out one bc like we’re all young adults now

[bigkpopstan]

also let me be really honest with u!

its true that latinos that live in their mother countrys are very harsh on kids who are born on north america but have hispanic background, but we have so many vAliD reasons to be like this

bc these kids are normally more focused on "looking the part" that forget one fact: we are more than an aesthetic

theres lenguaje, culture, food, history but they are often ignored and people end up "claiming" their hispanic side but can't even talk to their cousins 🥴

we are never going to deny ur identity, we even encourage you to connect with it in every aspect possible but the first step is to understand this is more than looks

also don't be scared of not liking etnich food, there are things that are just not of ur taste lol but as long ur are trying authentic food is probably going to be bomb 🤚🏼

💌 anon

ah

i definitely get that! like I say I’m proud to be Hispanic but I also…don’t ? feel Hispanic enough. it’s like I feel left out where I see other Hispanic people talking about experiences and stuff that they learned actually being brought up in their culture and stuff and I’m always there like “I should understand and get what they’re talking about” but I don’t. or like !! my only year irl in high school I was in a room granted I was new but I’m definitely obviously mixed when it comes to my looks but two other Hispanic kids mentioned that they were “the only ones” in the room. which yeah I know you don’t know me but ! idk it unnecessarily made me feel bad lmao. I want to try it so bad !! i just don’t know where or what to get bc I already have a thing where I know what I’m going to like and not like without even trying it so there are something’s that I don’t wanna try bc I don’t think I’ll like it but other things 👀

I grew up on a very, ethnically/culturally diverse area in my state so most of the other people in my state, that are Hispanic that I have met personally are all like what are the ways to describe this shit brain fart…like they were like first gen kids? like the guy that I was talking about in tags that I knew was born in Mexico and went back every summer. idk I’ve never met any other person from different cultures n stuff like that in my area that didn’t speak their other language but that is very interesting I can see that. that’s the thing I personally don’t really care much about the looking-I already am very physically, but I want to know like the history and I want to know more about my culture and I want it to be a big part of my life like it should’ve been. everyone I know or meet also think it’d benefit me esp with how I am very like-conscious about not being Hispanic enough.

[tutuandscoot]

Part three of the interwiew moment feels thing. Is Scott dissing current ice skating saying they grew up in an era where they had to take risks? Also i find the fact that they sometimes choose what to do based on what would be more unexpected hilarious. And Scott mentioning Suzanne by name saying she sort of lay the groundwork for that, like yea give that woman all the credit she deserves. Oh and them talking a lot whenever they do meet up now thats really endearing, sort of derailing the interwiew. Their parents waking up at 4 in the morning every day for years oh they really must have loved seeing their kids doing what they loved, it seems like a small thing but really its huge, how much they did for their kids. And the train analogy is nice and Scott saying he really likes it too when tessa is wondering if shes taking it too far. They really support each other so much. And them ending the interwiew saying they wouldnt be where they are without all the people supporting them. Its a really nice way to end the interwiew not focusing on themself but on others. And yea thats the interwiew. I hope this wasnt too rambling for you. If I manage to form more coherent thoughts about parts of this, il send you another ask. But yea the interwiew had a really nice vibe to it, being serious but not at the same time.

No this was a more coherent summary than I could’ve done!

This bit about their parents sacrificing so much for them:

So heads up I’m not a parent and I’m an only child so i might be speaking out of my arse here and of course every family situation is different

Disclosures out of the way;

When I was growing up dancing and being super into it and quite talented- starting to look for more opportunities out side of just my crappy dance school, my mum would basically drop everything for me. She wasn’t a single parent but she basically was bc my dad did nothing for me in this respect, she had one part time job that didn’t pay much and every single cent went to me and my dancing. I didn’t have the early wake ups like vm did thankfully but I had to travel really far away to get better training. She would pick my up from school after work 3 days a week and we would drive 2 hours away for 4 hours of dance, finish at 9 and drive home for 2 hours while I sleep in the car and the next day I would have to be at school at 6 am for school dance, then there was the exorbitant fees for training, pointe shoes, uniforms, physio, competitions, travel- my first international competition I got to the finals and she didn’t have enough money left to get a ticket to watch me, so she waited in the dressing rooms listening over the sound system.

She did so much for me and when I stopped dancing due to my back problems she layed an enormous amount of guilt on herself thinking it was her fault/ she shouldn’t have let me pursue this when my back condition developed bc it ended in so much pain and heart break. That was really hard for us and we fell out of our very close relationship over that grief, but we’re now getting back on better terms.

(I’m sorry this is a little life story)

On the contrary:

My best friend growing up who I danced with, she was one of 3 kids and her family was far more well off than me, she did dance and gymnastics- I’m pretty sure at one point she was national level at gymnastics. Anyway, one day her mum said to my mum “I could never do what you do for your daughter (me)”.

Now she had 3 young kids, worked full time, understandable it would be hard to take her daughter all around the place.

But VM’s parents did it.

They both have multiple siblings, yes some of T’s were much older when she was a child starting skating, but Scott’s were closer in age. T’s parents worked full time- her grandma helped out a lot. Skating is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and very hard to get funding for- a lot of adult skaters work other jobs to support themselves. They did it- they did all that for their kids- their youngest kids at that which a) in a way the others were older and could take care of themselves more but b) raising kids is expensive and again I’m not a parent but I imagine by kid 3 or 4 this gets exhausting- so now having the last kids to be born in each family be the ones doing the most and having the most insane- as VM said, depraved lifestyle full of strictness most kids don’t ever insure- their parents still did that for them.

This is not a comment on good and bad parenting- as I said people have different situations- but there are some that really do go above and beyond and don’t let anything/ don’t make excuses for themselves as parents for not giving their children everything to succeed- VM’s parents are incredible they deserve so much credit for what wonderful children they raised- NO MEDIA TRAINING- they were just raised so well to be kind and empathetic and appreciate every opportunity to afforded them.

Parents of the freaking century!!

[monstersinthecosmos]

Anne Rice's books are filled with morally dubious concepts and toxic relationships, I thought everyone that is fan would be so because of that. But scrolling through the tag I find people claiming to be fans but only of the wholesome parts, which are almost nothing?? Anne Rice is not wholesome in the slightest. I don't know, it feels lonely. And also I see the TV show isn't willing to engage with the horror and complexity of these books neither, which, makes me see the vampire chronicles isn't really meant to be brought to this medium. I don't know why I am dumping this on you but I feel like you would understand somehow. Please ignore if not, I don't want to offend you.

Lmao I’m not offended, hello! I am, however, about to talk way too much bc I haven't changed in the years since I've haunted tunglr dot com so I apologize for that

TLDR: Be a freak, don't let anyone make you feel bad, I hope the show isn't too wholesome.

I’ve been in and out of this fandom for like, literally twenty years 👵🏻 so being completely honest I have always seen a wide range of fans on the spectrum of HAPPILY ENJOYING IN BLISS to ONLY INTERESTED IN CRITICISM and like that’s such a personal, subjective choice of whatever everyone finds fun in their free time. I’ve also, in twenty years, been on both ends of the spectrum, and I even fully swore AR off for a few years at one point bc I was so mad at her lol, but IM BACK BAYBEE and to me idk it’s not fun to take things so seriously all the time. That’s just me though!

I do think there’s been a huge shift in fandom culture (particularly on Tumblr) in the last 10 years or so that prioritizes moral critiques of canon; it’s not just VC, I see this in a lot of fandoms, and I think it’s been more amplified since the Adult Content Ban bc, surprise!, a lot of adults left the site lol. I think we’re living in a culture right now that’s very focused on respectability politics and there’s obviously a huge push in the mainstream to censor and control transgressive media (especially queer fiction), and it doesn’t surprise me that this has influenced younger fans because it’s a culture we are steeped in at all times, even when they try to identify as progressive. But don’t think that the broader wave of censorship right now isn’t connected to the way conservatives are beginning to skew the conversations in fandom spaces, too. Fandom is a microcosm of what’s happening outside! And there are all types of ideas and stigmas that we get inundated with in the world, without our consent, because it’s the space we all occupy. 

Having said all that LOL. All these types of fans exist and sometimes you have to just read the room and find your people. Some people’s enjoyment of the books is conditional, ie: cherrypicking what we liked about them and celebrating just those parts. Especially because I think so many of us read the books young and didn’t think too hard about it; we can agree that Anne’s writing was seductive and we were all probably baby queer weirdos who felt seen or w/e. And I think it’s normal that a lot of us have grown up and looked back at some of the stuff in the books like “oh yikes lol”

But everyone has different ways to navigate those feelings. I personally don’t have a problem compartmentalizing and just enjoying myself. I don’t take fiction morals very seriously and I enjoy the thought exercise of putting myself in imaginary dark places. Not everyone can flip that on and off and separate fiction from reality so easily, so ur milage may vary. I’m also someone who supports the idea of using fiction as a staging area for sexuality, and using fiction imo is a great way to play. Not everybody feels that way and for some people, the fun of playing in fandom is to play with the canon in a transformative way to see how to “fix” it or to rearrange it in a way that is less nauseating. I think there’s a culture in spaces like Tumblr to feel you need to repent for your fiction sins, and not everyone can sit with the guilt of accidentally enjoying amorality in fiction. And like I’m sure there are fans who read IWTV at 13 and Loustat is just so deeply embedded in them that they simply cannot exit the train at this point, and they're doing what they can with the scraps to ease that discomfort.

And I mean, good for them, if it helps them enjoy their time on this fucking germy ass planet!!!!!! That’s very fun, happy 4 u guys lol. 

There is also 1000000% Nothing Wrong with blissfully enjoying all the evil and trash. It is perfectly safe and extremely normal. You just need to find your people, and sometimes it is hard and it does feel lonely. I'm with you, though. I'm here to enjoy the evil bullshit and revel in it LOL. There's literally nothing in the series that is wholesome except for Mojo.

To be honest, I’m not into Loustat at all. And not in a morally superior way—they don’t really do it for me but also Lestat reminds me waaaaaaaay too much of my abuser and Louis reminds me way too much of myself when I was stuck in that relationship. It isn’t fun for me to engage with Loustat content because I tend to only see the manipulation and gaslighting when I look at it, and for me personally it’s juuuuuuust a bit too close to the reality I lived through.  I would argue that my OTP Armand/Daniel is the most toxic ship in VC but I was never kidnapped by a vampire or stalked across the globe while being literally addicted to his body fluid so yknow, that don’t bother me. =P But it’s 100% normal to look at canon toxic ships and play in the sandbox to either “fix” them or to like, take control of the narrative and allow yourself some catharsis by digging into it in a safe imaginary space. When I have the chance I like to mAkE thEM WORSE

So it’s been occurring to me when I see the enthusiasm of these fans for the show that perhaps they don’t particularly like canon to begin with? So changing it this drastically isn’t an issue to them? I’m sure everyone has their own reasons and I don’t want to generalize. On the issue of Claudia, for example: I think she is an intrinsic part of the plot and drives very profound feminist messages in the book, and I think her being a small child is absolutely essential to that story. I recognize that there are morally reprehensible moments in text regarding her and to me I’m like GOOD, IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE GROSS. It’s supposed to be gross!!!! It’s a horror novel!!!!!! And Anne Rice was a writer who wanted to always talk about the full spectrum of human emotion, including sexual emotion, so having sexual themes intertwined with the horror was completely on purpose! 

Then you see some people who ONLY see that it’s gross and can’t connect with the full scope of her story because it’s too uncomfortable. And like, you do you bestie! Curate that experience for yourself! Have boundaries and love yourself enough to stay safe!!! But I do think it’s wild the amount of complaints I’ve seen about Claudia, for example, which strike me as particularly ironic because it’s almost meta in the way they’ve embodied the entire reason her character is tragic. People infantilizing Claudia as a character, unable to engage with the topic of her at all, is exactly the reason she’s a tragedy in canon, because she can be as old as she wants and people will always see her as a child. D:

As far as the TV show goes lol. 

Being fair, I don’t think we know enough yet to know how evil & problematic they’re going to be. LMAO. I hope it’s like unhinged gaslighting abusive romance bc like, WHAT ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME FOR IF NOT? But I always have found it funny when you see people who seem to otherwise hate everything problematic in VC somehow cape for Loustat as if it’s any different from the other ships. 😂  

My concerns at this moment are that the way they changed Claudia is a huge red flag to me about whether or not they will engage in the problematic elements, and I’m not thrilled that RJ says the rest of the books give you a better picture of Lestat than just IWTV, because I disagree. Like, hearing from his own voice definitely allows us to know his sense of humor and we can see he’s a bi disaster, but he’s already CHARMING in IWTV. Louis falls for his shit because he’s charming. So I don’t think we need to know that he considers himself faultless for him to have a fuller portrayal on the show. 

Like, I hope the show portrays them as being an abusive ship and shows all the nuance that it deserves, but RJ’s comments reminded me of the binary we see over and over in VC fandom about trying to get to the bottom about WHICH ONE OF THEM WAS LYING. (And it was Lestat, imo LOL he’s told on himself many many times.) So claiming IWTV is an incomplete portrayal of him makes me wonder if RJ comprehended that Lestat is a charming manipulator who abuses everyone in his life LOL. And ESPECIALLY with the time shift + age difference I think this puts them in a very different context. A Lestat who is turned in his 30s with a fully baked prefrontal cortex is going to have a very different temperament from canon Lestat, and even moreso when we understand he’s not a traumatized, freshly-bereaved fledgling anymore but like OVER A CENTURY OLD LMAO so like, he’s had time to calm down and gain some wisdom and that would have to make such a huge difference on the level of coercion. (That’s another red flag for me too is that RJ goes “no no we just changed a couple little things !” and the things he changed are like HUGE??????? So him saying that makes me skeptical again about the nuance of the abuse here.) 

I also have some concerns bc some of the show’s team has worked on other titles that were about toxic male antiheros and there are definitely moments in those shows where you can’t tell if the writers are aware of themselves. IE: Tony Soprano is a racist bad guy who kills people and cheats on his wife, and yet there are still occasional narratives on The Sopranos that show the creators also had some of those same biases, and you must wonder if some of Tony’s actions or behavior weren’t intended to be catalogued in the ways he’s very evil.

So looking at the way they’re speaking about Lestat’s characterization, that they’re referring to it as a romance, and some of the patterns in their other work I do have concerns about how the abuse will be portrayed. I also worry about how the abuse will play on screen now that there is an added racial element, and if it will be too cruel or edge into messages that feel too real and hurtful to the audience. And, to circle back lmao, I’m not uncomfortable with objectionable morals in my fiction, but, some nuance would be good. 

Don’t get me wrong like I hope the ship on the TV show is like ABUSIVE and SEXY and I hope Louis is like HORNY and TRAPPED because he knows he should leave but he CANNOT! And I want there to be some steamy frustrated hatesex! And huge fights and makeup sex! LOL. But yeah I mean, pretending that Loustat is wholesome is a complete joke, and I really really hope that the show doesn’t misunderstand Loustat to a point where they aren’t aware of what they’re really portraying. LET THE STORY BE ABUSIVE BUT PLEASE BE AWARE OF YOURSELF! 

(Anne could have used this advice too in the second half of the series LMAO whoops but I think having that nuance would ultimately make these stories even richer. HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT CANON NONCOMPLIANCE EXCEPT MAKING AN EXTREMELY UNAWARE PORTRAYAL OF ABUSE IS COMPLETELY CANON, my bad.) 

And basically like. If it’s not going to be those things I’m just back to wondering why they wanted to adapt this book? So far the only thing in common with canon is like… New Orleans???? An interview of some type will take place? They have the same names? 

So it’s hard to hear the team talk about how respectful they are of the book when…. They’re not keeping anything from the book? LOL. What exactly did you see in this story that you wanted to express? I don’t get it. 😂 And I would hate for a book about morally dubious characters and abusive romances to be like, a campy vampire romance without any of those questions and themes. 

I’m not saying any of this to nitpick or be needlessly negative; I’m saying it to say it’s some of the things I’ve been wondering and some of the clues I’ve been looking for during the past year to see what exactly is going on with this show LOL. Again, I don’t think the trailer told us enough to know. I’ve been critical and looking for these things and genuinely don’t have a solid opinion yet because I haven’t gotten enough information. Lestat is certainly being extremely predatory and he looks unhinged as fuck so that’s a good sign LMAO. Louis even refers to it in the voiceover as being “hunted”, so it’s nice to know that he feels that way with 100 years of perspective. But we’ll have to wait and see! 

I think at this point I’m really hoping for like HANNIBAL LEVEL fuckery and like that type of unhinged gaslighting and manipulation LOL and I think Hannibal was about as far from canon as VCTV looks so far. I’m just doing my best to compartmentalize and be fair about the show while also acknowledging my extremely deep disappointment that we waited 5 years for WOLFKILLER STUFF AND NICKI only to be given an AU fanfic lol. And like, I give Hannibal a bit of a pass because by the time that show came out there had already been like 5 movies made of that franchise and they were mostly faithful so like at that point the idea had already been explored and it was time to remix. I don’t feel VC has ever gotten that shot yet so it’s sad that they went straight for a remix :( 

anyway sorry, I disappeared off tumblr for years but I apparently still answer anons with exceedingly meandering essays, I have no idea if this answered what you were asking but LOL YOLO ✌️

[allamericansbitch]

the gaylor thing is so harmful because it shouldn’t even fucking matter, but it turned into this giant discourse that’s directly affecting so many different people in so many different ways… taylor herself, the men she’s seen with, the girls she’s seen with, young queers who might have felt safe in that particular community and are now feeling marginalised and attacked (my coming to terms with myself experience had a lot of “oh if they’re so aggressive about XX being gay, they’ll be just as aggressive with me” - like these are teenagers we’re talking about, literal children that may’ve found comfort in that part of the community, that felt validated and seen) ((i’m obviously excluding grown ass adults that keep pushing the gaylor agenda from this particular example)), just anyone who got/gets caught up in this fucked up narrative - it’s a mess

but the main thing for me is like who the fuck cares who taylor swift is fucking/has fucked!? that’s a weird thing to speculate on, it’s such an invasion of privacy, it’s literally no one’s business

-

i’m gay so every other song i listen to is gay (to me) sometimes.

like avril lavigne’s girlfriend… wow gayest song ever… TO ME!! when i’m singing it in the car with my friends having a laugh about my life and reminiscing about this girl i had a crush on in sixth form “hey hey you you i don’t like your girlfriend // hey hey you you i want to be your girlfriend”

in that moment, for me, it’s a song about three girls, about my situation and only that — which is completely okay and not at all harmful!!

it’s the same as when i’m jamming to ed sheeran’s “i don’t wanna know about your new man ‘cause if it was meant to be, you wouldn’t be calling me up trying to, cause i’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me” thinking about this bi girl who left me for a guy - ed obviously didn’t write this song to portray that story

like please, if i sing “i knew you dancing in your levi’s” about my masc ex gf or if my cousin sings it about a fuckboy from her uni, what’s the difference?? that’s what art’s all about..

for example, rwylm is my favourite song because it encapsulates perfectly how i feel about my depression: help! i’m stuck!! everybody has moved on and continues to do so but i have this giant weight holding me back!! in my head i’m still the same as i was at 23!! my friends and family have accomplished things, the world has moved on and i can’t figure out how to!! i’m right where happiness left me!!

i don’t interpret it as a relationship/breakup song at all, which was pretty blatantly written as.

my interpretation doesn’t harm anyone bc i don’t shove this perspective down anyone’s throat, nor do i state it to be the ultimate truth. i just use the song for catharsis and comfort.

taylor’s songwriting is very nuanced and that’s good art!! it’s good to have a broad audience that can relate to all these core feelings you’re emoting, each in their own way, but it’s just creepy to speculate about someone’s (a stranger’s!!!) sex life, queer or straight alike.

taylor’s songs can be gay… or they cannot. not because they were written that way, not because she is or isn’t queer, but because of the way everyone personally experiences it.

i wish this was the common ground in the fandom bc i’d love to publicly joke on my blog that “hits different is sooo having your first girlfriend after only dating boys” without people interpreting it as me claiming that taylor is a wlw and coming at me with death threats and (more often than not) homophobic narratives. it would literally just be a silly text post that some people might relate to, or find funny, simple as. it wouldn’t be me pushing someone’s sexuality, bc (1). i wouldn’t; (2). it’s not that deep (as seen by the many examples i shared)

personally i’d just love to listen to my gay little music (that’s not necessarily factually gay) and ramble about it with on my silly little blog to my little internet friends without it being a whole thing (tm) which gaylors have made

idk this is just a rant bc it makes me sad… everyone should be free to enjoy music as they wish and most importantly everyone should learn to not gamble/theorise on people’s sexuality - it’s frankly very unsettling

so!! many!!! good!! points!!! yes yes yes!!!

it's sooo weird to care about who taylor is with. it literally does not matter and it does have negative affects, she's said so herself.

i've only seen a few discussions about the negative affects this whole gaylor thing has had on people who are queer and obviously i cant speak to it, but i didnt even realize it could totally affect y'all negatively due to it's intensity, that makes total sense and could be really intimidating.

and what you said about those songs and your examples is so!! true!!! thats your interpretation and thats beautiful! it's yours and thats what makes the songs, or any art in general, come alive. you're making it your own and giving it meaning and depth with your own layered experience. that's unique and your painting it with your own colors! no one else has those exact colors! it's yours! and thats amazing!

a great example of how individual, personal experiences can make interpreting a song so much deeper and more meaningful, you saying you view rwylm about your personal experience with depression... i view it through my relationship with my anxiety and the trauma it's caused me! and that's so cool how 1 song can mean so many things like a relationship to a person, depression and anxiety? thats so magical and much more meaningful than just simply speculating about which of her exes its about...

[solasan]

HI HI HI HIH I HI :) for the infamous mc asks can i get uhhhhh full circle, beginnings, fans, voice, storybeats, and seven. i will stop now. <3 <3

infamous MC questions

TYSM CARLY ILY <3333

Full circle: What is the first song they ever wrote? Played? What’s the most recent? 

i think the first song she wrote is probably a song that eventually became eggshells, which is a rly angry/kinda devastating song on their most recent EP (glass houses). mommy issues core. it went through a lot of transformation over the years — from angsty teenage metaphors to kinda blisteringly painful adult ones — and the first time she ever sang it for the band, her hands shook the whole fuckin time. (seven was the only person to hear it before that). it’s pretty well-loved bc it’s got a lot of raw, emotional vocals, backed up by a pretty sick beat and some of rowan’s best work.

the most recent song would probs be forecast fires, which is actually hornet’s nest’s audition song for botb!! it’s about seven LOL. very angry and kind of tragic/ever-so-slightly wistful if u actually listen to the lyrics, but it’s upbeat and the kind of song u can’t help dancing to.

Beginnings: When and how did they know they wanted to be a professional musician? Was there a deciding factor?  

marnie’s always been into music; she grew up singing along to her dad’s old fleetwood mac & joan jett records and started taking guitar lessons young (mostly as an excuse for her parents to get her out of the house lol). she started writing when she was about 11 (not long before she met seven) and used to mess around with putting some of her songs to music, but she wasn’t super serious about a career in music for a while.

it was seven that first planted the idea in her head, but once planted, it rly took root. he was always the one pushing her, telling her that her music was good, that they could do this, and she only half-believed him until the very first time that their fans sang along to their music at a gig. then she was kind of like this is what i’m made for; giving people something to dance and sing to.

when seven left, though, she got a lot more serious about it. it kind of became a thing of i don’t need you, we don’t need you, we’re gonna make it after that, mostly out of spite and hurt but also because the fans loving her voice on its own was kind of a novelty for her. now she knows she wants to be singing to people until the day she drops dead LOL.

Fans: How is their relationship with their fans? Do they go out of their way to interact? 

oh marnie looooves her fans lol. she especially loves the kinds of fans that everyone else gets embarrassed over; the gushy ones, like maya. they make her feel loved, bro, and as someone with huuuuge abandonment issues, that’s better than crack. but even if ur not gushing over her, she’s probably rly excited to be seeing u, bc she just loves that people listen to her.

she’s a very sociable rockstar lol. she’ll hug fans, she’ll make a real effort to get them involved at their gigs — getting them to sing, talking to them, generally being a great stage presence — and she’s always happy to stop for a picture or autograph at the grocery store. it just thrills her bro!! she’s probably so pro-vespids (👉👈 maya came up with that n marnie ADORES it) that orion’s had to take her socials away from her sometimes bc she can’t stop tweeting back to people n they do not have the time, ross, you were supposed to be at rehearsals a half hour ago!

Voice: What does their singing voice sound like? Do you have voiceclaims(s) for them? 

throaty & husky; pretty sensual. she sounds a lot like grace vanderwaal i think (this is a good example) so her voice is very raspy and distinctive. pretty recognisable. i know, like, literally fuck all about singing, but after a lil googling i’d say her voice type is contralto, so she’s on the lower end of the vocal range.

Storybeats: If you could design one scene to happen in the story, what would it be? How would it change your character? What would make it so satisfying for the character arc? 

oof. probably some kind of confrontation with her parents? a lot of marnie’s motivations can be boiled down to “i can make it on my own, i can prove it” and essentially trying to show how capable/independent/good she is, so getting some kind of closure with her Very First Abandonment would probably be huge. i don’t picture them making up, really; more just some kind of moment that makes marnie realise oh, i don’t have to prove shit to these bastards. i think the closure would at first be pretty painful for her and she’d fuck off to go get high and block out the world, but if she could get over that, i think she’d come out the other side feeling a lot more secure in herself and who she is. probably a lot less desperate for acceptance & love, too.

im gonna try to keep this a bit briefer but i also think some kind of acknowledgement about her unhealthy relationship with party drugs would b very helpful to her. she’s not high all the time by any means, because she actually takes her career pretty seriously, but she definitely uses parties & coke to get out of her head when she doesn’t want to be there and it’s caused some problems that have made orion rip his hair out.

Seven: Do you have headcanons about their friendship and/or romantic relationship (past or future)? What do you imagine some of their best memories are? What do you think some of Seven’s favourite things about your MC were/are?

oof seven meant everything to marnie lol :) for a very long time, he was her first constant, her greatest constant, because her parents wanted nothing to do with her and she was just… so lonely. and then he was there, warm and funny and a little dry, and he was taking her to his mom’s place and understanding her music and commiserating with her over the yawning black emptiness both of them felt at times. how could she not fall in love, u know?

they pined for each other for most of their teens before finally getting together when they were abt 20. probably the first time they wrote a song together was marnie’s first Oh I’m In Love moment lol, but her fav memories are all the times they hung out drunk as shit on the roof of her parents’ place as teens, sharing a blanket and pointing at the stars n making each other laugh.

another good memory: marnie dumped her crappy boyfriend just before prom when they were seniors, so her and seven skipped prom night and drove to vero beach to drink beer and have an impromptu bonfire, and marnie ended up out in the water in her fucking dress jumping waves with him, and it was just… very soft n sweet. she misses those days.

i think seven always liked marnie’s sense of humour (she’s very sarcastic but in a warm kind of way?) and how blunt she was; there’s not a conniving bone in her body (which is what made The Vote so painful for him, among other things) and he always appreciated that. her loyalty, too. on the smaller side of things, he always thought her laugh was the greatest thing about her, because it’s loud and snorting and always so genuine. he misses it sometimes

[hawkepockets]

Melantho questions! Was Melantho interested in/involved with Tamlen pre-mirror? What's Melatho's opinions on humans vs elves (and dwarves if applicable). Opinions on magic/mages/spirits/demons? I'm interested in learning these things as the story goes on but I'm wondering if you know anything upfront/that you want to share upfront.

ahh you read my mind, the first two were exactly what i was thinking about for her!! & #3 is a great question 🫶

☝️ yes, mela & tamlen were involved! they were each other’s best friends, worst puppy crushes, and first time. it was a match the clan really approved of too, and although their elders never deliberately put pressure on them to wed, mel & tamlen still felt it.

but as a couple, they didn’t quite work. tamlen would do anything for melantho. he was too pliable & sweet to keep a pilot flame of attraction lit between them. add in merrill, and now you’re cooking.

having her girl rival on one arm and her boy protector on the other kept mela challenged and interested. it wasn’t a mature, sexual poly relationship yet—they were all too young, and mostly just teased each other with kisses and fell asleep in a pile like kittens, but they might have been if not for the mirror.

marethari did not encourage all three of them bonding. merrill was her First, tamlen was paivel’s favorite student of lore, and melantho was ilen’s apprentice. if the trio were to follow in their mentors’ footsteps as adults, clan sabrae would have a keeper, hahren, and master craftsman that were romantically & sexually bonded, taking each others’ sides against the rest of the clan or turning on each other in the case of marriage troubles… an unpleasant & unstable concentration of power. no, far better to keep ambitious, magical merrill out of it. a future hahren & apprentice craftsman being sweet on each other was not much threat to anybody.

but if merrill had been there when the eluvian was found, maybe the girls could have held tamlen back from touching it—or maybe there just would have been that much more hunger and curiosity in the room, and one more body tainted by the mirror.

✌️ melantho HATES humans. i’ve seen some criticism of clan sabrae, and marethari & ashalle in particular (bc of their close involvement with mahariel but also, if we’re tbh, their being women) for withholding the truth about what happened to mahariel’s parents until they were grown, and i agree that was hurtful & contrived for shock value… but it did make me ask myself what if they’d been right to keep it secret?

so melantho was told, very young, that her parents had run afoul of the shemlen & been killed in a random, common act of human violence, and that wrenched, tore, and twisted at her from when she was a child. it changed the shape of her heart. and while everyone in sabrae has a healthy wariness/resentment of humans, mela’s intensity about it is alarming and out of line. it comes over her like a fever sometimes, killing her lively personality, lighting up her eyes, and making her hiss and spit at anyone who so much as sighs out loud about the clan needing to relocate so much. even her little sister leidy avoids her when she’s in that temper.

tamlen & melantho killed all three men who found the eluvian ruins, and duncan really did need to drag her kicking and screaming to ostagar. she’s mean and impertinent, assuming the worst of every shem she meets there right up to their king. and the night of her joining, before the battle, alistair caught her in the act of poisoning the soldiers’ cookpot with what was left of the darkspawn blood, and had to restrain her from setting loghain’s tent on fire… which he might soon come to regret.

she hasn’t met a dwarf yet, but all she’s heard about them, as inventors of enchanted items & berserker rage, makes them sound very impressive and strange.

✌️☝️ melantho knows magic is dangerous, but had never heard about the chantry’s dogma about it before meeting alistair & the tranquil at ostagar, and it completely takes her aback. she thinks of demons and possessed people like rabid animals—sick predators, something you come across on rare, unlucky occasions in the wilds, something to be mercy killed from a distance if possible but not approached. sure they’re frightening. no need to get idealogical about it. and she associates them with locations haunted by elven tragedies, not with mages.

merrill, leidy, and marethari are mages, and they’re precious to the clan, and to her. even fearmongering about blood magic and darkspawn magisters makes little impression on mel. her mages know what they’re doing, and it’s not the business of an ordinary hunter/crafter to judge their choice of spells. as for blackening the seat of the maker, creating darkspawn, locking each other up in towers and branding each other’s foreheads… well that all just seems like shemlen acting badly.

she may get more invested later ;-)

[justtogetthrough]

My friend who works at CAS had a new person join her department (aka the team I work directly with) and ordinarily I’m very reserved and dread new people. But this friend replaced my best friend I now live with in that role and I had my reservations about her too because change is hard so clearly my gut instincts are not accurate and I need to give people a chance 😂 (said friend is the one person who wants to cuddle me and whose cottage I went to this summer. I’d say warming up worked in my favour tbh)

I’ve been in back and forth with this new person for over a week because a kid we discharged in January and who specifically contributed probably 50% to the burn out I’m still dealing with is… coming back lmao. I’m worried my colleagues will be mad at me but I was led to believe her behaviour wasn’t as risky now (because they left out a lot of things and now I’m very concerned but she’s arriving tomorrow and Foster Mom doesn’t feel the need to call it off 🤷‍♀️ Love that confidence queen change this kid’s LIFE!) but yeah it’s been a week of me interrogating them about social media this AWOLing that and then today it got real tense bc new information came out and I was like uuuuuuh idk if this is gonna work why wasn’t that info included in any of the other documents I made you send me 😐

My friend had the new person at her office with her today and was helping her/training her, meanwhile also talking to me and me freaking out that this new info is bad bc the family doesn’t like dealing with cops all the time. My friend was like “this is a really interesting position to be in, you both are anxious af about whether this placement will come through just from opposite sides of things”. But apparently the new worker told my friend today that she gets the feeling she and I are gonna be besties (and then my friend told me this) so I wrote back YESSSSSSS because I’m on a roll with collecting friends from the placement department at this specific CAS lol

I have no idea why this new person already thinks I’m friendly when I’ve literally been nothing but anxious and annoyed at all the significant safety information they left out of the referral because potential placements need to KNOW those things if they are to keep her safe. Initially I was only feigning interest in placing the kid to draw attention to the new workers involved about the significant crisis planning that went into things in January but the more I heard about how some of the behaviours have really calmed down the more I was like ….👀

The foster home she’s going is in the same region we had to move her from in January and there’s some real risks if she resumes contact with the young adults who were leading her astray last winter, so I’ve been asking a looot of questions and when the kid’s worker came back repeatedly with vague information I had to tell the placement worker they need to go back and get specific information. I’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass tbh because I want full and accurate info so our FM can decide if she’s up for the task and so we can safety plan appropriately.

I am delighted to hear this hasn’t deterred her and the new placement worker somehow seems to like me already 😂 The new person also lives far away which sucks. They have a third person on their team who is impenetrable but I am ever so slowly wearing down his quiet demeanour and in the last couple months I’ve actually heard him chuckle (I’ve known him for years now). I joked that I’m on a mission to win over their whole placement department when I heard they were getting someone new and now a week into her starting the public facing role we’re quite far along. I think my pal is being one hell of a wing woman lol

[robininthelabyrinth]

🧿🤠🐇🍲🍯: Lan Wangji does not think it’s safe to raise A-Yuan in Cloud Recesses after the Lans participated in the killing of his zhiji and the entire Burial Mounds community (or more accurately that it’s not safe while he himself is in seclusion and can’t watch over A-Yuan, at least) so he delivers A-Yuan to the one person who he knows did not stand against Wei Wuxian (and got away with it, bc this person has never stood against anything, since standing takes effort): Nie Huaisang.

Little Side Door - ao3

Nie Huaisang’s rooms in the Unclean Realm had a little side door that no one but him ever used.

They hadn’t originally. The Unclean Realm was a fortress, designed to maximize protection and defense; there was no better place for keeping things safe by locking them away. While it had its fair share of boltholes and escape routes, they were not common and universally difficult to access lest the enemy learn of them and use them to their advantage. Even the layout of their open spaces were carefully planned lest the attack come from the sky, a concern that only cultivators had, and not about how they themselves could escape – after all, weren’t they all Nie, ready to die rather than endure dishonor?

The little side door that led to Nie Huaisang’s room opened onto a small rock garden, left to grow wild with weeds rather than reveal its presence to more people. It existed only because his brother had ordered it constructed by those he trusted most, all in secret in the dark of the night. He had never explained why he had gone to such lengths to create such an unwelcome and inauspicious place, but then, he hadn’t needed to – Nie Huaisang had been there, too, when his father had descended into madness and they had been trapped in the familial quarters with no way out that did not take them through him. If his brother had been the one to brave his father’s rage directly, Nie Huaisang had been the one stuck in a small space that was only not claustrophobic because it was so painfully familiar.

Now, though his father was long dead and gone, Nie Huaisang had a little side door.

A little side door, and a little garden that almost no one knew about; in combination with the saber that his brother forced him to learn and the golden core he had so begrudgingly formed, he now had a way to reach the sky and the illusive freedom it represented – the freedom to flee and leave his home behind.

If it ever happens again – his brother had said once, the closest he had ever come to speaking of it.

He did not finish his sentence, as Nie Huaisang had thrown his plate into his face and stormed off, steaming mad and close to tears. He did not raise the subject a second time.

Nie Huaisang did not often use his little side door.

Although he enjoyed gardens, he preferred the aviary he’d constructed, or one of the myriad of well-tended gardens in the main part of the sect; even the vegetable gardens out back beside the kitchens were far more welcoming than that sparse straggle of land. He’d only ever spent time there when he was a child and in desperate need of some quiet, wanting to avoid adults with their arguments and their miseries; he’d taken some friends there because he thought it might impress them, but it hadn’t, and anyway his brother had put a stop to that soon enough.

He didn’t even think about the little side door, most days. It was just a part of the room, a small tucked away corner with nothing in it. Nothing to think about.

And then, of course, years after he’d put it out of his mind entirely, there came a terrible banging noise at that little side door, like someone was kicking at it furiously from the outside.

Nie Huaisang nearly fell over sideways in his scramble to get up, and then once again when he realized where the noise was coming from – almost no one knew about his side door and its little garden, and so no one had ever come to him through it. Who would be knocking now…?

He opened it.

Lan Wangji, white robes stained with blood and cheeks bright with fever, shoved something into his arms. “You have a child now,” he said through bitten lips. “Congratulations. He is called A-Yuan. I entrust you with his care, for my sect cannot be trusted with it.”

And then he turned and staggered away, mounting up on Bichen and flying off before Nie Huaisang could say anything – before he could even finish searching his memories and recalling that yes, in fact, Lan Wangji had been one of the friends he had shown the side door to, years and years before, and thus knew how to find it. Before he could even start processing the thousands of thoughts that had spring to life, fully formed, at all the information he’d just received: the bloody robes, the desperation, the reference to the Lan sect – the Lan sect! – being somehow untrustworthy…

He looked down at his arms.

“Congratulations,” he echoed blankly. “I have a child now.”

The child blinked up at him, and then smiled.

-

“Da-ge!” Nie Husiang howled, rushing into the sect leader’s study where his brother was doing work – luckily it wasn’t receiving hours and he wasn’t in the main hall, as that would have been unfortunate. “Da-ge, you have to help me! I have a child now!”

His brother stared at him, expression blank and mouth slightly agape. The brush in his hand dripping ink onto a now-wasted piece of paper.

“Huaisang,” he said after a moment. “What the fuck.”

Nie Huaisang nodded furiously.

“Where did you get – how – who – what did you do?!”

“I am currently unable to disclose any details,” Nie Huaisang said promptly even as his brother tossed aside the brush and got up, striding over with a storm brewing in his face. “All I can say is that I have to raise this child now. By which I mean, you have to help me raise this child now; I can’t raise children! I’m not mature enough to raise a child!”

“No kidding! Why would someone entrust – to you…” Nie Mingjue trailed off, looking down at the child with a frown that shifted from disbelieving irritation to concern. He pressed his hand to the child’s forehead. “Huaisang, this child has a high fever. We need to get him to the medical wing at once – is that blood?”

“Not his, I don’t think?”

“I don’t want to know,” his brother decided. “Move.”

Some time later, they were both sitting next to the bed in one of the spare rooms in the family quarters; Nie Huaisang thought it might even have been the same one that he’d used when he was very young. A-Yuan was sleeping, and Nie Mingjue was still holding his little hand in his own, having been clocked as the oversize comfort animal that he not-so-secretly was from the very first moment A-Yuan laid eyes on him.

The doctors had declared A-Yuan’s fever to be very severe, but they had applied plenty of medicine – the Lan sect might have more esoteric healing techniques, but there wasn’t anything like the Nie sect when it came to standard medicine for injuries and illnesses associated with the battlefield, and despite A-Yuan’s tender age Nie Huaisang would be willing to bet that his injuries were from a battlefield. They were confident that A-Yuan would make a full recovery, body and mind both intact, although they warned that his memory of the past might be impacted.

Nie Huaisang had thought about all that blood that wasn’t his, of Lan Wangji pale-faced and wild-eyed, and decided that a little bit of forgetting might not be so bad after all.

“Are you going to tell me anything more,” his brother said after a while. “Or should I just give up now?”

Nie Huaisang leaned over and patted his knee. “It’s good that you know your limitations.”

His brother rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe this is my life,” he remarked.

“What part?” Nie Huaisang asked, curious. “The fact that we have a kid now, because obviously we’re keeping him? Or the fact that someone gave a kid to me?”

“Both,” his brother decided. “Definitely both.”

-

“His name’s A-Yuan,” Nie Huaisang said. “Apparently.”

“Well,” his brother said. “Obviously that won’t do.”

-

Nie Huaisang had the ability to be sneaky when he wanted to be. It wasn’t a matter of stealth, he had explained to his brother, but sneakiness– a completely different concept. Stealth suggested that he was doing something to conceal himself and required skills and talent, or else a lot of practice, and obviously Nie Huaisang was not going to go in for either of those.

Sneakiness, though…

He didn’t need people not to be able to see him in order to be sneaky. He just needed them not to care about him, or wonder where he was.

“Psst,” he said, knocking on the window to the rooms where Lan Wangji was purportedly practicing seclusion. “Psst! Lan Zhan!”

Lan Wangji had given him a child. They were definitely past the ‘Lan-er-gongzi’ stage.

“Lan Zhan!” he rapped at the window with his fan. “We need a courtesy name!”

There was some sounds from within the jingshi, mostly stumbling around. Nie Huaisang waited patiently, and after a few moments the window opened and Lan Wangji stared out at him. He was as pale as a ghost with lips as red as blood, and very clearly not in seclusion at all, but rather in the midst of healing whatever wounds had left him bloody – he probably shouldn’t have gotten out of bed to answer.

Oh, well. Too late for regret now.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Lan Wangji said, voice dull and eyes blank as he stared at Nie Huaisang. It was unclear if he meant in the Cloud Recesses generally, or here in particular, interrupting his ‘seclusion’.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Nie Huaisang said, scowling at him. “We need a courtesy name! A courtesy name for the child, you hear me? You know, of course, that Qinghe Nie don’t use personal names, not even for children – certainlynot for children older than their first year. It’d be a complete giveaway that he’s not organically ours if we call him something like A-Yuan.”

Lan Wangji raised a hand to pinch his nose. “Please go away.”

“Courtesy name, Lan Zhan. I mean, I may be the one who’ll be raising him, but please think carefully: do you really want meto be the one naming him?”

“…call him Sizhui.”

“Sizhui,” Nie Huaisang repeated. “With the characters…?”

Lan Wangji nodded.

“Uh, no,” Nie Huaisang said. “I need a bettercourtesy name. Are you joking?”

“Nie Huaisang. Go away.”

“But –”

Lan Wangji slammed the window shut.

“…fine,” Nie Huaisang said to the closed window. “Be that way, see if I care. Not like we don’t need to build up a decent coparenting relationship or anything eventually.”

He thought he heard a choking sound from behind the door and smirked.

“Don’t you think you can baby-trap me and just walk away, Lan Zhan,” he said in his best ominous tone. “If you wanted someone to raise your kid without ever consulting you again, you should’ve dropped him off in the Lotus Pier with Jiang Cheng, who’d probably be too busy being confused to even question where he came frome – but no. You came to me. I don’t make decisions in the best of times, least of all good. I have questions. A lot of questions.”

He thought about it for a moment.

“Not about how you got him or anything like that,” he said. “I’m not stupid, I can tell a secret when I see one. But, you know, other types of questions. Parenting stuff. Are you a ‘go sit and think about what you’ve done’ sort of parent? Or more traditional discipline, with copying lines and occasionally strikes when they’re naughty? Do you want him to learn the Lan sect rules along with the Nie sect principles –”

There was a muffled sound from inside the house.

It sounded angry.

“…we can talk about it later,” Nie Huaisang decided. He might’ve pushed his luck a bit too much. “Talk later!”

-

“You have a…what?” Lan Xichen asked, his smile a little fixed and stare a little wilder than normal.

“A nephew!” Nie Mingjue gushed. “Isn’t he wonderful?”

“Nephew.”

“He’s so well behaved, too! He plays quietly by himself most of the time, drawing and even writing a little, and Huaisang’s already teaching him how to play the dizi –”

“When you say nephew, do you mean Nie Huaisang’s child?”

“Do I have other brothers?” Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes at him. “He’s obviously not yours. Anyway, I know Meng Yao is expecting one, too, but he wouldn’t be dressed in Nie colors if it was his, would it?”

“Yes, but…are you telling me that…that Nie Huaisang…”

“It’s a battlefield child, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue said patiently. “Obviously. Someone entrusted him to Huaisang.”

“Oh,” Lan Xichen said, looking relieved. “Yes, that makes more sense…wait.”

Nie Mingjue waited.

“Someone entrusted him to Nie Huaisang?”

“I know, right?” Nie Mingjue said, and Lan Xichen didn’t notice how strained his grin had suddenly become, or how thoughtful his eyes were as he surveyed Lan Xichen as if trying to find an answer to a question. “I would’ve assumed they’d go for someone more responsible, like you. Guess you never know…”

“I guess you don’t,” Lan Xichen agreed, looking down at the child with a bemused expression. A battlefield child, entrusted to Nie Huaisang… “They must have been truly driven to desperation.”

“Perhaps,” Nie Mingjue said, and then changed the subject to little Nie Sizhui’s accomplishments, of which he could list many at great length and very great enthusiasm. By the time he was done with that, Ln Xichen was so overwhelmed that he didn’t ask a single other question.

-

“So I’ve got an idea on how to do this whole co-parenting thing,” Nie Huaisang said, cracking nuts to eat. He was sitting next to Lan Wangji’s bedside, and dropping the shells straight on the floor, too, staring dead-eyed at Lan Wangji as if daring him to say something – which he wouldn’t, of course. “Since with Sizhui starting classes soon it’s become much more urgent, on account of me needing you to attend meetings with his teachers and discuss his progress.”

Lan Wangji looked deeply long-suffering. He’d only invited Nie Huaisang inside because Nie Huaisang had threatened to start shouting out his business loudly on account of oh but Lan Zhan, how was I to know if you could hear me in there, I just had to raise my voice just in case because I wouldn’t want you to miss any of the extremelyimportant news –

It was all Lan Wangji’s fault for being born earlier than Nie Huaisang, Nie Huaisang thought virtuously. It was merely Nie Huaisang’s lot in life to fulfill the role of annoying younger brother to everyone.

“See, it’s the music,” Nie Huaisang continued. “You do music, right?”

Lan Wangji’s ice-cold glare suggested that he did, in fact, ‘do music’.

“So your brother has been playing this song for da-ge on a regular basis,” Nie Huaisang explained, ignoring the glare entirely. “And when he’s not available, which is most of the time nowadays, he’s been sending san-ge instead. Even though, of course, poor san-ge’s so busy back at Lanling all the time…ughh, it’s so unfair, you know! Poor san-ge has to do all the work of being the heir and gets none of the benefits, and they pile even more work on him on top of that – really, he gets no respect.”

Lan Wangji’s expression suggested he didn’t care.

“And think about the inconvenience to us!” Nie Huaisang sallied forth, undeterred. “People coming and going all the time, da-ge having to interrupt his schedule of spending quality time with me and Sizhui – and sect leader work, of course, though that’s less important – in order to march over to greet them and host them and listen to them…what a pain it is!”

Lan Wangji appeared on the verge of suggesting that Nie Huaisang consider getting to the point.

“So you should come do it instead.”

Lan Wangji’s expression cracked, suggesting that Nie Huaisang had actually managed to make an impact.

“You remember,” he said, voice low and a little hoarse from all that refusing to speak he’d been doing. Really, if Nie Huaisang wasn’t around to goad him into it, he might’ve lost the voice entirely – he didn’t even have little Sizhui around to force him to speak! “That I’m in seclusion. Right?”

“You’re horribly lonely is what you are,” Nie Huisang said briskly. “You require company. Therefore, coming to take up a semi-permanent posting in the Unclean Realm to play the Song of Clarity for my brother morning, noon, and night is clearly the finest way to solve all of our problems, and for you to see little Sizhui as often as you like.”

Lan Wangji visibly wavered. “My brother,” he said, then coughed. “My brother will never believe it.”

“That’s your problem,” Nie Huaisang said. “Find a way to sell it.”

He stood, shaking the remaining shells onto the chair.

“See you in Qinghe soon, Lan Zhan..!”

Lan Wangji was trying to kill him with his mind, Nie Huaisang thought happily as he wandered off with a whistle and a vaguely silly expression. Good – he’d been inside for too long. He needed the stimulation.

-

“Truly,” Nie Mingjue remarked, strolling around their gardens without any apparent notice of the small child perched on his shoulders, giggling wildly at the feeling of being tall, “I feel far better than I did before! One can scarcely compare it – night and day, really. Your Lan sect’s Song of Clarity is a marvel, even if it does take a while before it kicks in.”

“Mm,” Lan Wangji said, walking slowly with his hands behind his back. He was still unsteady on his feet on account of the absolutely horrific injuries he’d incurred – but if the Lan sect’s response to everything was seclusion, seclusion, seclusion, then the Nie sect’s equivalent response was exercise. These little excursions through the gardens were the result.

Thus far, they were still only doing laps around the main gardens, but Nie Huaisang had plans to eventually force Lan Wangji to go even as far as his own little side garden. He’d made it through his side door once, after all; why not a second time..?

At any rate, Nie Huaisang still wasn’t quite sure how Lan Wangji had talked Lan Xichen into allowing him to come to the Unclean Realm, but it really did make the whole co-parenting business a lot more convenient. And his brother had had so much fun making Lan Wangji stiff and awkward over all his thanks and praise for his decision to come ‘help out’ with Nie Sizhui’s raising until finally, at last, Nie Huaisang had taken pity and revealed that Nie Mingjue knew perfectly well whose battlefield child this was.

Both in terms of who had gifted him to Nie Huaisang, and who’d adopted him originally, and of course even his original surname – The little tot’s been through enough adoptions to make anyone’s head spin, his brother had said, his voice gruff as always. There’s no point in thinking back too far, is there?

Lan Wangji had been very relieved.

“Run, bobo!” Nie Sizhui cried, pointing over at a bird. “We need to get it for Sang-gege!”

Nie Mingjue snorted like a bull but obediently quickened his feet and left the rest of them behind, heading in full charge straight at the wild pheasant that was far more likely to end up on Nie Huaisang’s plate than in his aviary. It was about even odds which one Nie Sizhui meant, anyway.

“Nie Huaisang,” Lan Wangji said, his voice low, and Nie Huaisang looked at him. “The Song of Clarity does not take time to work. These effects should have happened at once.”

Nie Huaisang opened his fan, hiding his face as he frowned. “How odd,” he said. “And after san-ge put in all that hard work.”

“Perhaps he played it wrong.”

“Odd,” Nie Huaisang said again. “When san-ge gets so very little wrong…has your brother sent any word on the Xue Yang issue?”

“…he has not.”

“He’s going to need to pick a side eventually.”

“He does not want to make things difficult for his sworn brother.”

“Does he have only the one?” Nie Huaisang asked archly, and Lan Wangji averted his gaze. “It’s awkward for us if he doesn’t back us, and is a bad look besides…truly, it’s a wonder that san-ge managed to squeeze out the time to come here.”

Lan Wangji’s frown deepened. “Indeed,” he said. “One would think his father might be tempted to stop him.”

“Wouldn’t you just?” Nie Huaisang said. “Wouldn’t you just…you know, maybe when you’re feeling better, we should go visit Lanling ourselves.”

Lan Wangji glanced at him, arching an eyebrow, and Nie Huaisang smiled, fanning himself casually.

“I’m not the only one with a little side door,” he said. “Let’s go knocking and see what we find, shall we?”

[hidekomoon]

lgbt tv shows i watched in 2021 ranked by how cool the lgbt storylines were

1. the wilds yeah it came out in 2020 but i watched it this year and it’s amazing, highly recommend it

2. we are lady parts in second place only bc the wlw plot isn’t that prominent; it’s absolutely the best show of 2021. also now that we’re getting a season 2 they can confirm saira as bisexual

3. young royals has all the elements that you’d expect from a teen drama/coming of age but WELL EXECUTED and pretty realistically too, considering it’s about a prince and royalty. it’s the show i wish i had when i was that age

4. the euphoria special jules is one of my favorite characters ever so yeah i had to put it up here

5. druck (skam germany) made me feel so many emotions!! the seasons with queer mcs are the best i really recommend it

6. babysitters club almost cried when [spoiler] came out. she’s not even a main character

7. it’s a sin it WAS good but i’m not a fan of super sad stories and it’s a sin is really, really sad

8. love, victor i mean. it wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t that good either. what is it with love triangles? i thought we left them in 2010s hetero romance novels

9. pose i mean i have no memory of the last two seasons but i know i watched them and i didn’t hate it so they must have been nice

10. genera+ion meh. bad start, gets better later. often sounds like an adult writing teens, which is weird since a literal teen co-created the show. one thing i can give them though is that it had a realistic, super queer friend group (as opposed to the 1 gay guy and background character boyfriend that we usually get)

11. betty what is even going on in there. s1 was better than s2. it made me wanna skate so here’s that

12. dickinson too disappointed to rank it higher. the aesthetics & some of the concepts were dope tho

THE FIRST SEASON ISN’T FINISHED YET SO I HAVEN’T RANKED THEM BUT YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK THESE OUT:

yellowjackets: not gay enough imo, but still pretty gay and enjoyable if you like girls stranded in the wilderness trying to survive

the wheel of time: fantasy fans, rosamund pike fans, witches enthusiasts, you will love this one (you have to watch the first 6 episodes before deciding if you like it or not because that’s when the story really starts)

[1kook]

commercial break ; NINE

this is part of my netflix & chill series!

SUMMARY “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” WARNING angst with implied smut at the end!!, flashbacks, low self esteem, alcohol consumption, jk is (implied) a virgin in this, there’s a lil fondling by oc u know the usual  MISC they r soulmates <3, our queen doyeon returns, i tried to use symbolism👁 in the dialogue so yes everything drunk oc says has a meaning hehe RATING m bc alcohol WC 2.2k

NOTES i said once a long time ago that n&c couple were prolly at the same party once but didn't realize so hERE WE GO ! its not proofread bc um. yeah<3

Homecoming week. 

Jungkook doesn’t even think his university’s football team is good, but he had read somewhere that part of the college experience is obnoxiously supporting this team all four years. And well. Jungkook wants to fit in. Frankly, Jungkook feels a little dumb having accepted this invitation from Kim Taehyung from his first-year writing class. He’s only known the man a solid four weeks, probably won’t know him this well once Taehyung finds real friends, ones who suit his outgoing personality, and decides Jungkook is too boring, but Jungkook will make the best of it while he can because, again, he wants to fit in. Badly. It’ll be different this time, he had told himself while getting ready. You won’t be awkward anymore. You’ll make friends. 

And then it’s nearing midnight and Jungkook has spoken to a whopping two people at this party of over a hundred. Not including Taehyung, it’s down to one. Even that had only been to ask where the bathroom was. He feels severely out of place, like he’s both too large and too small to be in this area, to be at this party, so he shuffles into the kitchen when he hears them call for another match of beer pong. He’s actually pretty good at the game, has refined his skills at get togethers with his older cousins. But it’s not like anyone here wants to be Jungkook’s partner anyway. Or even knows who he is for that matter. 

Taehyung had bumped into him a little past ten, had had two girls clinging to his sides when he had greeted Jungkook. One of them had almost looked tempted, Jungkook wanted to believe, brushing her hand against his arm. But he didn’t act quick enough— what would he even have done? what did he even want? —and Taehyung disappeared with both girls soon after, leaving Jungkook by himself once more. 

The kitchen is empty, the drinks long since having migrated to the living area of this huge frat. With a defeated sigh, Jungkook sinks back against one of the counters, setting his lukewarm cup of beer down beside him. He’s buzzed, drank in a feeble attempt to ‘lose himself’ as all the movies claimed. But now all he can feel is a pounding headache threatening to consume him. He doesn’t even like drinking— why did he drink this much? 

He should go home. 

Events like this, parties like this— they weren’t meant for someone like Jungkook. He was too quiet, too shy to let loose like everyone else. He doesn’t do well in social situations, or at least not as well as his therapist had told him he would. He hesitates too much, never speaks when he needs to. Haerim from his freshman basics class had even said so. “You’re quiet, huh,” she had smiled, and when her notebook had touched his elbow, he flinched. She didn’t take it to heart. Just like Taehyung wouldn’t if he left right now. They know how he is. He doesn’t belong here. These types of parties were made for outgoing people, people who lived on the edge, people who weren’t trapped in their own thoughts all the time, people like—

Like the girl who stumbles through the doorway now. “Woooo,” she slurs, and then promptly faceplants into the dirty tile of the kitchen, the same tile littered with sticky footprints and random debris. He can’t even imagine what else is on the floor of a frat house mid-party. Jungkook flinches at the sound of her knee hitting the ground, before rushing over to help her up. 

She’s a giggling mess, eyes half shut by the time Jungkook gets her into a seated position. “Are you okay?” he flounders, hand on her shoulder when she wobbles again, nearly falls back down. 

“Just peachy,” she sings, flashing him a sloppy thumbs up. Her neck isn’t doing a particularly good job of holding her head up and when Jungkook places a hand on the back of her head, she leans into it, blissful smile on her face. She’s really pretty, it makes Jungkook’s cheeks burn when she aims it at him next. “Pucca loves Garu,” she lets him know, eyes finally fluttering open. “He’s a pretty boy.”

Jungkook blinks. He has no idea what you’re talking about. “Huh?” he stutters, glancing back at the bar stool by the counter instead. It’s probably infinitely times better than the sticky tile beneath your bare legs. “I’m gonna stand you up,” he tells you, taking your loud cackle as a sign that you’re okay with it. Jungkook’s been working out all summer, so you’re not heavy in the slightest, arms thrown around his shoulders while he slips his own around your back. Your proximity leaves him drowning in your scent. 

The giggles don’t subside when he sits you down, not even when he begins opening random cabinets in search of a glass to get you some water. He’s had his fair share of experiences looking after drunk people, so he has a pretty good idea of what to do now. However, your sudden bout of commentary certainly doesn’t make it easier. “Isn’t it, like, super cool how the sun and the moon are, like—“ a hiccup, Jungkook settles on tap water “tooootally different beings, but, like— they, like, both maintain the earth?” Your hand reaches for his forearm when he returns, gives him this little squeeze in your excitement. “Like— Like they both have to, like— work together? To keep it perfect, y’know?” 

Jungkook pushes the water into your hands. You’ve got this sparkly sheen to your eyes, the one that most people get after one too many drinks, but it’s accompanied by this childlike wonder that leaves Jungkook breathless when you meet his gaze. “Yeah,” he says quietly. You beam. It’s blinding. So blinding that Jungkook promptly looks away, nudging the cup in your hands. “You need to drink this.”

You frown. “Boooo, so boring,” you huff. It’s nothing Jungkook hasn’t heard before, but it is a little disheartening to hear it from a stranger. He stamps the feeling down, pursing his lips as he gives up on letting you drink yourself. The cup is swiped from your hand and Jungkook tasks himself with making you drink it instead. And of course, like all wasted young adults, you put up a fight. “Ew, what is that?” you spit. 

Jungkook sighs. “Water.” 

At his defeated tone, the exaggerated grimace slips off your face, replaced with a rather solemn expression instead. Jungkook tries to take advantage of it and pushes the cup against your lip again, but all he really accomplishes is sloshing it down the front of your dress. You don’t yelp, but he does. “I’m so sorry,” he panics, sliding the sleeve of his shirt down around his thumb to wipe your chin. 

You let him, head tilted curiously to the side. Jungkook tries to ignore your analytical gaze until: “you’re cute,” you announce, and abruptly send him into shock. 

He recoils, face a blazing mess. “I’m—“ he chokes, swallowing when you wipe your hand down your own chest, leave a glistening layer of water over your sternum and down between your breasts. 

“Cute,” you repeat, downing the glass he had been trying to coax into you like it’s nothing now. With it gone, you don’t waste any time, throwing your hands around his shoulders, fingers brushing through the hair at the base of his neck. You pull him close, so close in fact, that he ends up having to hold the back of your chair to keep from accidentally crushing you with his weight. “Your name, pretty boy?” 

He can’t think. You’re so drunk and smell so good and are just so pretty— his brain short circuits. “Um I’m, uh, Jeon J—“

“Jeon,” you repeat, silly smile back on your face. You’re not technically wrong, so he nods along with a blush high on his cheeks. “Well, Jeon,” you purr, but you’re still so drunk, eyelids fluttering in a rather funny way. “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?”

Jungkook doesn’t even know what that means, and honestly, he doesn’t really hear you over the thundering of his own heart and the bass in the other room. “Um, but you’re really…” he stammers, leaning back but a finger loops around one of his curls and he gasps when you pull at it. “You’re drunk,” he rushes out, lower lip trembling when your nose knocks against his. 

A soft hum, the sound sending electricity down his spine when you cup his cheek. “But don’t you think I’m pretty?” you murmur, eyes flickering to his mouth. 

“Yes,“ he chokes out, “you’re a very, very pretty girl. But I really shouldn’t—“

“Hey,” you shush, tilting his head just the slightest. Jungkook has never had a girl touch him like this, has never even touched a girl before either, but, well. He really wants to kiss you. And that’s saying a lot considering Jungkook has never kissed anyone before. 

Despite how good it feels, he knows you’re still really drunk. It’s with a decisive huff that he pushes away, hands on your waist to keep you from touching up on him any further. You’re not that strong anyway. And then he’s met with the biggest pout he’s ever seen, an absolutely distraught look on your face. 

Something in him says you’ll cry if he doesn’t explain himself soon, so he launches into it right away. “You’re very pretty,” he says, almost laughing at the way your entire face lights up immediately. “But you’re very drunk.” You huff. “You deserve to be treated like a queen.” Mostly regurgitating something he heard in a motivational video. 

It works. Eventually, you stop being fussy in his arms and settle with a frown. “You’re too nice,” you grumble, forehead on the countertop. He doesn’t see how it’s much better than the floor but he lets you be. “You got a girlfriend, don’t you?” 

At that, Jungkook laughs. “No,” he reassures you, hesitates, and then gently pats your back. Jungkook actually feels you melt under his touch. That sultry look is gone, replaced with this rather tranquil look that he doesn’t quite understand. 

“That was pretty,” you murmur, but Jungkook doesn’t quite hear. 

“What was that?” he asks.

“I said your smile was pre—“

“There you are!” someone hollers from the kitchen doorway, the shrill tone of their voice making both you and Jungkook jump. When he turns around, he’s met with the sight of a rather tall girl angrily stomping your way, eyes a blazing fire, fists clenched by her side. Jungkook realizes only a second too late that she’s looking at him. “Get off of her, you sweaty city-owned dumpster,” she hisses, using the strength of three football players to push Jungkook away. “You make me sick—“

“Doyeonie,” you beam, launching yourself into the angry girl’s arms. Ah. The Help had arrived. 

Said angry girl (Doyeonie?) is still using every mash-up of words possible to degrade Jungkook as she hauls you into her arms, shooting daggers every step of the way. “I can’t believe you would try to take advantage of a poor girl when she’s this drunk,” she spits. 

“What?” Jungkook coughs, cheeks warm. “I wasn’t—“

“Tell it to Campus Safety when I report you, you wannabe, dollar store Rain.” Jungkook clutches his chest at the acidity of her tongue, surprised anyone could be so mean. 

All things considered, this was actually good. Someone who knew you had come to take you to safety, meaning Jungkook didn’t have to look after you anymore. When this Doyeonie turns around, he’s met with your smiley face smushed against her shoulder. 

(It’s weird. He’s a little sad to see you go.) 

“Bye, Jeon,” you giggle, hand brushing down his arm, squeezing his hand, before you’re abruptly yanked away. Jungkook manages one weak wave, cheeks lit ablaze once more when you send him a silly air kiss from the doorway, urging him to catch it. He does, and he feels really silly when he puts it in his pocket, but he can hear your laughter for a second more before he loses you. 

The last few minutes being so hectic, he decides to go home. Parties weren’t really his thing. Jungkook doesn’t think he’ll ever go to one again. 

Until a few years later. 

“You’re, like, really pretty,” you slur, lips against his throat. Another invitation, this time, Taehyung’s birthday. His friend had practically begged him to come, knowing how Jungkook was. In the end, it had been you who had accepted on his behalf. 

“Baby, not here,” he laughs, hand on your shoulder when you try to shove your hand down his pants for the third time that night. 

Taehyung had been ecstatic to see Jungkook here. And then had quickly become annoyed when he caught the two of you making out in his storage closet an hour later. “Bro, don’t be that couple at parties,” he had groaned, locking the door behind him. 

Jungkook had laughed. “I wouldn’t know what ‘that couple’ is at parties,” he reminded him. 

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m sure your girlfriend can fill you in.”

Apparently not. You’ve been trying to kiss him for the past three minutes but keep missing because you’re so drunk. “Just one,” you beg, so pretty but so drunk. The fake lashes you’d worn today make you look like a doll, batting them his way until he’s giving in, slotting his lips against yours. You’re probably going to throw up in his bathroom when you get home, so he should make the best of your kisses now. Jungkook pushes that thought aside as he reaches a hand out to wipe at the sweat accumulating on your chest. There’s something weird about the gesture, like he’s done it before at another party. But that doesn’t make sense; he couldn't have— this is his first party with you. 

“We should, like, leave,” you whisper against his ear, fingers burying themselves in his hair; when you pull on a strand, he nearly moans. “Go home. Maybe netflix and—“ a hiccup that makes him smile “—chill?”

Jungkook kisses your temple. “Sounds good to me, pretty girl.”

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[starglow-xx]

retrouvaille

nakajima atsushi x f!reader

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: hurt comfort, fluff

warning! : mentions of abuse

type of work: one-shot

synopsis: he left the orphanage, and that meant he had to leave you too; fortunately, this time, it seems like the universe was on your side

a/n: this is kinda self indulgent bc ive been feeling kinda down lately...?? and this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now and i havent posted in a while so killing three birds w/ one stone ig

the word retrouvaille is a french noun...

The moment you stepped foot into the armed detective agency, heterochromia eyes met your (e/c) ones.

You notice several agents talking and walking over to assist you, but you drown them out only having focus on the gray haired male ten feet away from you.

Said male takes a small step forward with uncertainty and disbelief laced in his voice.

“(y-y/n)...?” 

At the sound of your name, your eyes immediately begin to water and with pure relief in your voice, you softly sob his name; the name of the boy who comforted you when you were both still in that wretched place.

“Atsushi...”

With all hesitation gone, Atsushi runs over to you shoving through his surprised and confused coworkers and wraps his arms tightly around you.

The force of the hug causes the both of you to stumble and harshly crash to the ground beneath you.

But the two of you didn’t care.

In his arms was a person Atsushi thought he’d never be able to see again.

In his arms was the same girl who snuck him food from the kitchens, the girl who stole medical supplies from the infirmary to treat his wounds, to take care of him when he was sick, and the girl who received punishment after punishment for insisting on staying with him inside his damn cell.

You gave him happiness in place where he should’ve never been able to receive it.

As if he ever felt like he deserved it in the first place.

You’re too good for him, but yet you still chose him.

You, his sweet and kind, his so very kind, and so very beautiful girlfriend, chose him, the cursed, good for nothing orphan.

The orphanage staff treated you considerably better before the two of you were acquainted, so Atsushi knew he was the problem. That he was the reason why tears would fall onto your beautiful face, why bruises and scars would litter your arms and legs, and why the staff would call you awful, degrading nicknames about you and or your virtue.

He had always thought that he wasn’t good for you, that he didn’t deserve you, that you could do better, but you stayed by his side regardless of his fears and insecurities, and provided him the strength and comfort he had always been deprived of.

And to his very surprise, he found that you found your own strength and comfort in him.

So he knew that you must of cried for weeks after he was kicked out, that you must’ve been devastated to wake up one morning only to learn that he was gone without a trace.

There wasn’t a single day that he never thought of you.

Atsushi wanted to go back for you, he really did; he wanted to storm into the orphanage with members of the armed detective agency, his new family, right at his tail before eventually reuniting with you.

But he didn’t do that.

Ultimately, he chose to leave you out of the mess that came with his job knowing that you would be eventually targeted and used against him if anyone found out about what he had with you.

So he kept quiet.

No mafioso, government agent, foreign organization, nor agency member had a clue about your connection with him, much less your existence.

He told himself that when things have calmed down by a considerable amount, he would go back and get you, with or without the agency backing him up.

Unfortunately, he knew that time of peace was far from the present.

But to see you, in your beautiful glory, standing at the threshold of the agency? 

His original plan to keep you away from Yokohoma flew out the damn window. 

At the sight of you, his heart did backflips and his legs almost gave out. 

Ignoring the jelly feeling in his legs and the loud pounding of his heart, he raced around the desks and his coworkers—nearly fully crashing into Dazai in the process—to once more engulf you into his arms.

As for you?

When you saw him, you felt like you were going to pass out.

Your legs grew weak, your entire body was shaking, and tears started to fall down your face.

He was here.

He was safe and he was alive.

You mourned his abrupt disappearance from the orphanage and spent most of your time worrying about his well being.

The staff thought you were pathetic, that you sulked and cried over someone who they thought should disappear off the face of the earth.

They could insult and beat you all you want, but you drew the line when it came to Atsushi.

Finally having enough of everything, you planned your escape.

You were patient; you never jumped the gun nor gave anything away. You planned everything to the very last, minute detail, and after a few more months of abuse and waiting, you put your plan into action and left in the dead of night.

Thankfully, a kind old couple took you after you had collapsed in the streets. You worked job after job after job to return everything they had spent on your behalf even after they had told you not to worry about it.

And after another few weeks, you finally caught wind of your lost boyfriend tracking him down to Yokohoma through an old newspaper article.

Knowing your boyfriend, and yourself, you knew that tears would easily escape both of your eyes due to the long duration of your separation, but you weren’t expecting to find yourself crashing onto the floors of the armed detective agency curtesy of Atsushi. 

But, you wouldn’t have it any other way because in your arms was the boy who gave you comfort during the most darkest days in the orphanage, the boy who laid you in his lap or on his stomach stroking your hair so you would fall asleep, and the boy who often threw himself in front of you so you would remain unharmed.

You choked on your sobs as you tightened your own hold on him and they gradually grew louder as you buried your face into the shoulder of his white button up.

Through his own choked sobs and teary eyes, Atsushi gently maneuvered the two of you so that you would be lying on his stomach—a familiar position the two of you would lay in back in the orphanage.

He gently stroked his fingers through your hair and softly rubbed your back as he whispered the familiar sweet nothings into your ears.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay...”

“I’m here, just let it all out..”

Overwhelmed with your emotions, his sweet words only started to make you cry more.

You’ve missed him so much.

Your tears easily soaked his both his shirt and his neck, and you tried to speak only for you to choke up. Atsushi simply just started to shush you—as you would to a baby—and placed a kiss to your forehead as he continued to comfortingly stroke your hair and rub your back.

With the both of you off into your own little world, a world consisting only of the two of you, reactions and looks from the Armed Detective Agency went unnoticed.

It didn’t take long for them to realize the kind of relationship you and Atsushi had.

But what surprised them was Atsushi’s behavior.

The young adult they knew tended to be unsure of everything, including himself, and stammered whenever he was nervous.

But the young adult currently in front of them had this new aura of maturity; he didn’t hesitate to touch you or to comfort you, and for the first time they’ve seen in a while, he was sure of himself; he wasn’t nervous at all.

With the amount of comfortability Atsushi had around you, and the tender, loving care he showered you in, it was clear that you certainly were someone special to their tiger.

Your sobs slowly turned to small hiccups, and Atsushi’s face turned to one of pure tranquility and content, having his lover back in his arms.

Although having calmed down, what Atsushi said to you next made you want to start bawling all over again.

“I’m sorry I left you, and I promise I didn’t forget about you,” he whispered softly, “I thought of you every day. I still do. The thought of being able to see you again is what kept me going.”

You buried yourself further into his shoulder as you gripped his white button up in your hands.

“And thanks to the armed detective agency, I’m stronger now. I won’t let anybody hurt you, not anymore. That, I promise you.”

Actually taking a look up from you, Atsushi ended up locking eyes with Dazai, who had a gentle look on his face.

His senior only closed his eyes, tilted his head down softly, and lightly chuckled before opening his brown eyes once more, giving Atsushi a look of approval.

The gray haired teen’s eyes widened slightly as he looked around the room only to be met with similar looks of approval and gentleness from his seniors and coworkers.

He felt his eyes tear up again, but instead let out a relieved sigh as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“Hey Atsushi...” you softly murmured.

Equally as soft, he answered, “Yes (y/n)?”

“...I love you...”

Your lover smiled before placing another kiss onto your forehead.

“I love you too (y/n)”

At last, the girl he loved was back in his arms, and the boy you loved was back within your reach.

And neither of you were ever going to let each other go again.

and it means, the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation, a rediscovery

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[imherongraystairstrash]

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, do you think Charles,Barbara, Eugenia and Anna were close? Anna maybe less because she’s closer in age to the merry thieves set and she probably ghosted Charles after the Ariadne engagement. Would you consider a fic of them all growing up, starting with them 4 as little kids and then slowly becoming teens and adults and then dealing with Barbara’s death. I think it would be a fun idea since nobody ever considers them to be a older merry thieves.

You can thank my social anxiety for this one bc I stress wrote it in school 🙃

TW: panic attacks, death

Title: When we were young

Characters: Barbara Lightwood, Anna Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Cecily Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Sophie Lightwood, Gideon Lightwood

Anna was sitting by the fire when Charles came into the room. She hated him. She truly did. But, somehow, at that moment, she felt strange. He looked at her and it took her many years back, to when they weren’t exactly friends, but  they were far from what they are now to each other.

…

“And that was how Consul Wentworth fixed the crisis of 1687.” Charles said with a satisfied smile to himself.

The Lightwood girls were his audience. Well, sort of. Eugenia’s cheek was resting on her fist, squishing the right side of her face as her lidded eyes approached shutting completely. Anna was slumped against Eugenia, her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes opened wide, staring at a fixed spot on the floor. Their luminous dark blue glittered in the witchlight, looking exquisitely uncanny. Barbara was mid-yawn, leaning on the leg of a sofa.

“Wow, Charles. Thanks for the history lesson.” Eugenia said, monotonously. It was evident that she’d inherited her mother’s sass from the day she was born, when Barbara had woken her up by exclaiming at the sight of her newborn sister, and Genie responded by pulling her sister’s hair.

“Oh, and in 1690-“

“NO!” All three Lightwood daughters shrieked.

“I’m still not done, though.” Said Charles.

“Yes, you are.” Eugenia said, standing up and settling the matter. “We are positively bored. There is absolutely nothing to do except listen to Charles talk about politics, and if those are the only two options, frankly, I’d rather be bored.” 

Charles crossed his arms. “Being an intellect is not boring.”

Little two year old Anna looked at him with one eyebrow raised. 

“I swear, Thomas is having a better time than we are,” Eugenia said glaring at to where their parents were, with the tiny, almost invisible baby nestled in Gideon’s arms, his fingers wrapped around Sophie's thumb. The parents were all laughing about something, which made Eugenia scowl even more. 

“To be an adult.” Barbara said, with a martyred sigh. 

“We needn’t be adults to have fun.” Charles said.

“I suppose you’re going to torture us with more political trivia.” 

“No,” Charles said. “I was going to suggest we go through the attic.” 

The girls looked up at this and Charles smirked, clearly proud of himself at having come up with a good idea. For once. 

“What is in the attic?” 

Charles shrugged. “I don’t know, but there’s probably strange and obscure things. There’s a lot of that kind of stuff in our house.” 

Barbara and Eugenia exchanged a look before the eldest Lightwood sister turned to him. 

“We shall go and discover this mysterious attic you speak of.”

…

“What could this even be?” Barbara said, holding up a loose gear-like contraption. 

“Papa sometimes builds things out of clockwork.” Charles said, sitting cross legged. “Or, he used to at least.” 

 “That’s…” 

Genie and Charles looked at Barbara as she trailed off.

“Nevermind, I have no comment.”

Charles nodded as though that was a common reaction people had in terms of his father’s experiments. 

They rummaged through boxes upon boxes, finding momentos they didn’t understand such as papers upon papers of things that said many difficult words. They could distinguish a couple of words such as “infernal” and “devices”, however there were many that made no sense to them.

“What is a Mortmain?” Asked Genie.

“I think it’s an undead horse or something along those lines,” said Charles.

“Oh,” said Eugenia. “That’s disgusting.”

“Quite,” agreed Barbara.

Anna was toddling around the room, giggling. She almost tripped over a loose floorboard, and would have, had Charles not reached out and grabbed a hold of the back of her dress. 

“This is too dangerous for a small child like Anna,” Barbara said, ever the mother-goose. “I shall take her downstairs before she hurts herself.” 

Anna protested at first, but acquiesced once Barbara bribed her with the promise of dessert.

…

“What are you doing here?” Anna asked.

He looked up, his green eyes meeting her blue ones. 

…

Charles remembered that day like it was just yesterday. 

He and Eugenia had stayed behind rifling through boxes, which wasn’t unwelcome, as Eugenia and Charles had an easy, lighthearted and, at times, profound, friendship. Despite their age gap, they enjoyed each other’s company, though neither could say why. Perhaps, it was simply because they mocked each other. Or perhaps, it was sometimes they would occasionally talk about things such as philosophy, and whether what they were seeing was true, or the world was just a figment of their imaginations. Or a mixture of the two; they’d never really discussed it. 

Eugenia surprised him when she said, “do you ever feel… different from your parents?” 

Charles furrowed his brows, “in what aspect?”

“Love.” 

“Have you a suitor?” Charles inquired, intrigued.

“No. Actually, that was my question. I find that, sometimes, I don’t only enjoy the idea of a male suitor, but perhaps, I also enjoy the company of a woman. Perhaps.” She pressed her lips together tightly, as if forcing herself to stop speaking.

Charles looked at her, his bright green eyes wide. “I-um-…”

“But I’m not sure, of course.” Eugenia blurted out. “It’s not as if shadowhunters are precisely fond of that particular preference or-“

“Do you really think they wouldn’t like it?” Charles asked, softly. “Do you believe they will reject those who are like that?” 

Eugenia looked down. “I’m afraid I’m most sure of it.”

Charles had then realized that he couldn’t have both. There was no way around it. 

He knew his parents were happy and that love made them complete. However, they didn’t have to choose. They could be married and the idea wouldn’t affect their respective occupations. Charles, on the other hand, couldn’t be Consul and have the kind of love he wanted. He almost resented them because of it. They were able to do what they loved and nobody forced them to pick between one or the other. 

It was unfair. So incredibly unfair.

“I guess you better get rid of your feelings towards women than.” He said simply, “unless you’re willing to let something as simple as love get in the way of your dreams.”

“Dreams?” Eugenia asked, looking confused and a tiny bit hurt. 

 But Charles got up to go back downstairs to his parents, aunts and uncles.

… 

Charles slumped down in a chair and dug his fingers into his hair.

“She was just here.” He said quietly. “Babs, was just here.”

Anna felt sudden rage. “You are not allowed to mourn her.” 

Charles looked up. “Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean I can’t be sad. She was my cousin too. Perhaps not by blood, but she was still a cousin.” He pressed his lips together angrily and stared fixedly at the witchlight stone that was illuminating the room. 

Anna, however, couldn’t find it in her to be diplomatic; she got up and left the room. 

…

Anna had never seen Eugenia look this way. She was always put together, posh. But now, she looked hollow. Like a shell of who she used to be. Anna wanted to go up to her, to say something, but she felt lost for words. What did you tell someone who lost a dear sister? If Anna felt sorrow, she couldn’t imagine what Eugenia was feeling. 

Her head was tilted upwards, looking up at the pyre where the corpse of her sister lay. Tears were streaming down her face, rolling down her cheeks, throat and chest, leaving streaks on her face that looked like the roots of a tree.

Sophie had her arm around her daughter. The sight of the four of them was very strange. There was a gap missing where Barbara should have been. She suddenly felt a hand take hold of her own. She looked to her right and saw her mother looking straight ahead, squeezing her daughter’s hand. Her father was looking down, holding Alex. Her baby brother was one of the few who looked up at the cousin who’d taught him to play simple songs on the piano, and had always let him sleep in her arms on New Year's eve.  

She didn’t know what he must have been thinking now, staring up at the pyre. 

Though, to be fair, she didn’t quite know what to think herself, as she looked up at the cousin who’s life was cut far too short.

…

Eugenia’s body didn’t feel like her own. She hadn’t felt this body was her own for a while. Even since Augustus and the secret she’d kept to herself.

This was somehow worse. To be torn away from your best friend, whom you’d shared a room with almost your entire life. Eugenia didn’t know how to live in a world without Barbara. Sometimes, in the rare moments when she forgot about her sadness, she’d call her sister’s name, ready to tell her about what had happened in her novel. Or find herself walking to Barbara’s room without thinking and then staring blankly at the door that has remained shut ever since the day she passed away.

A couple of weeks ago, she’d found a letter Barbara had sent her when she’d been in Idris. It was in between her copy of Jane Eyre. She couldn’t bring herself to read it in its entirety, but she stared at the signature blankly. 

Suddenly, she got the urge to run. So she ran. That’s how, an hour later, she’d gotten a small tattoo under her ankle that said “Sincerely, your favorite sister Babs.” 

It felt right to have Bab’s signature there, we’re only she could see. It made her feel accompanied everywhere she went, even though nobody else could see. 

Now, looking up at the pyre, her face tight from tears she’d left to dry, her mother weeping silently, she could almost imagine that her sister was there, simply caught in a slumber and that she’d wake up at any moment and come tumbling down, throwing herself in Eugenia’s arms.

Any moment now, she thought when the pyre burst into flames. 

“Ave atque vale, Barbara Lightwood.” The crowd said at once.

Eugenia shook her head and swayed on her feet. Her breathing became heavy and her fingers began prickling. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. No nononono. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder, vaguely that it was her father’s. 

Not Barbara.

Not Babs.

“Calm down, Genie.”

Not her sister. Her sister couldn’t possibly be up there.

“Breathe Eugenia.”

She wanted to scream that she couldn’t, that she’d never breathe again, as long as her sister wasn’t breathing with her. Why did she have to live? She would have much preferred that Barbara live in her stead. 

The world was numb and fractured, never to be fixed again. 

…

(Don’t worry, Gideon was able to help Genie after the fic ends bc he’s the best dad)

Tagging: @tsccreatorsnet  @atla-lok143  @rinadragomir  @youngreckless  @autumnangel20  @julemmaes @cupcakesandkittens  @no-scones-allowed  @ninacarstairss  @stxr-thxif  @writeforjordelia  @icouldnotask @jordeliasupremacy  @cordelia-cardale  @will-effing-herondale  @axoloteca @heronstairs2014 @ilovemanicures @ti-bae-rius @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @readersconfessions812 @nightshade3465 @livvyheronstairs @zemiraa @proudtobealuthor @neurogliadudette @theenchanteddreamer @cheeseandmacarons

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[the-witty-pen-name]

Reunited

Part One of The Necklace (1/3)

Obi-Wan x Reader (f)

Warnings: none; fluff - maybe angst?

Word Count: 2k 

Based on this Request:

“If you still need that inspiration... maybe an obi-wan thing where he makes the reader a beautiful necklace when they were young padawans and they get separated bc reader goes om a long mission but when they meet again as adults she still wears it and then he confesses his feelings (a bit of anakin teasing his master about his obvious feelings sprinkled in perhaps😂)”

A/N: Thank you so much to @katevino for this suggestion! I absolutely adore this idea and I decided to turn it into a small series. Part two will be posted this Sunday! 

Italics are flashbacks by the way! 

I hope y’all enjoy! 

Preview: 

“How do you think she’ll react to seeing you again, Master?” Anakin asks with a smirk on his face. They both step into the turbolift simultaneously after a small handful of representatives walk out first.

“I don’t know who you’re referring to,” Obi-Wan said dismissively, and very obviously lying. He wanted anything but to be having this conversation right now.

“You can’t think me to be that naïve, Master,” Anakin chuckles as the doors slide closed. It was just the two of them. “I remember her anyways,” he continues, while Obi-Wan’s heart sinks into his stomach. “I know I was very young when she left but I remember distinctly the way you looked at her.”

“It’s nothing that should be of any concern,” Obi-Wan replies, looking up at the ceiling- this already feeling like the longest turbolift he’s ever been in. They’d only gone up one floor before they were stopped and more people entered.

“I think you’re in love with her,” Anakin says so casually, and Obi-Wan coughs nervously because of the shock of Anakin’s words.

“A Jedi holds no attachments, Anakin,” he says, trying his best to take control over this conversation.

“Of course, Master,” Anakin replies sarcastically, holding back a scoff. He bites his lip to hold back a smile and decides to spare his Master of further embarrassment for now.

“How do you think she’ll react to seeing you again, Master?” Anakin asks with a smirk on his face. They both step into the turbolift simultaneously after a small handful of representatives walk out first.

“I don’t know who you’re referring to,” Obi-Wan said dismissively, and very obviously lying. He wanted anything but to be having this conversation right now.

“You can’t think me to be that naïve, Master,” Anakin chuckles as the doors slide closed. It was just the two of them. “I remember her anyways,” he continues, while Obi-Wan’s heart sinks into his stomach. “I know I was very young when she left but I remember distinctly the way you looked at her.”

“It’s nothing that should be of any concern,” Obi-Wan replies, looking up at the ceiling- this already feeling like the longest turbolift he’s ever been in. They’d only gone up one floor before they were stopped and more people entered.

“I think you’re in love with her,” Anakin says so casually, and Obi-Wan coughs nervously because of the shock of Anakin’s words.

“A Jedi holds no attachments, Anakin,” he says, trying his best to take control over this conversation.

“Of course, Master,” Anakin replies sarcastically, holding back a scoff. He bites his lip to hold back a smile and decides to spare his Master of further embarrassment for now.

He sat on his bunk in the Padawan dormitories and the lamp next to his bunk was his only source of light. The night was pitch dark, not even any stars visible, and yet he sat in complete concentration as his hands worked with the beads he was working with. He knew he would get chastised if he was found up after curfew, but he was determined to finish this project before tomorrow.

He had created a necklace with a chain made of a thin strip of leather, and he was carefully feeding beads onto the material. The beads were dark jeweled tones, various dark greens and blues that complimented the dark brown of the leather. He had never made something so intricate before with just his hands, but it was his goal for it to be perfect. It had to be, for you. It was your thirteenth birthday and it needed to be special.

Traditionally, Padawans would receive a gift from their Masters, but he couldn’t help his desire to also present you with a gift. He knew it was wrong of him, but young Obi-Wan Kenobi harbored a very big crush on his dear friend. The guilt always affected him, but the feelings for you were much stronger than any guilt that tugs on his heartstrings.

The turbolift’s doors opened on the floor they needed and it snapped Obi-Wan out of his daydream where he had let himself wander into the past. He walked out first and Anakin followed. The were sent by the Jedi Consul to Coruscant as representatives for the Jedi Consul to meet with members of the Galactic Senate. There were rumors you would also be in attendance, accompanying the Senator from Alderaan, as you were sent there many years ago for your very extended mission with your late Master.

Walking into the conference room, Obi-Wan tried his best to keep a professional front. He was a very nervous wreck and he thought that his heart would leap from his chest. However, his heart deflated as his eyes scanned the room as there was no sign of you. Somehow, you not being there was in a way both better and worse for him. He hadn’t had this much trouble sorting out his emotions in years. He walked into the room and began shaking hands, introducing himself and Anakin to every Senator he had not yet met and catching up with the ones he’s known.

As people were getting seated around the oblong table, Obi-Wan noticed there were two seats across from him remained empty. He had only just sat down when the door opened again, two figures walking swiftly into the room, offering sincere apologies for their tardiness and then taking the two empty seats across from Obi-Wan and Anakin. A woman sat directly across from Anakin and a man Obi-Wan recognized as the Senator of Alderaan sat across from him. His fears and every other bottled-up emotion he had been dealing with bubbled to the surface again as he realized that the figure, he saw out of focus take the seat across from Anakin was you. The Vice Chair was sitting at one end of the table, and was making her opening remarks for the meeting when Obi-Wan made the fatal mistake of stealing a glance at you.

You were just as beautiful to him as ever. You didn’t look much different than when he last saw you all those years ago. Time, he decided, was much nicer to you than it was him. Your eyes were exactly as he remembered. Kind and incredibly expressive- intoxicating to him even. Of course, the last time he had seen you, you were a young, shy girl, and now you were a woman- holding yourself with confidence and grace, sitting up straight and doing a much better job of keeping yourself together on the outside than he was according to his perception.

And his heart stopped when he saw his necklace resting around your neck.

“Obi-Wan, it’s beautiful,” you marveled, pulling the necklace up out of the small box. “Help me put it on?” You asked, handing him the necklace before turning around and moving your hair out of the way.

“O-of course,” he replied nervously and fumbled with the clasp but did manage to help you get the necklace on.

“I love it,” you smile, holding your hand up to run your fingers across the smooth beads. “I’m never going to take it off.”

He grinned back at you, butterflies in his stomach looking at how it looked on you. Your whole face felt hot, and he knew he couldn’t help the blush rise on his face. Even at thirteen, he was in love with you. Of course, he was young and it wasn’t until much later on he realized he had loved you way back then. But nonetheless, he was undeniably in love with you.

“I think this is the best gift I’ve ever gotten,” you say with a smile. “Obi-Wan I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he manages to stutter. He follows your lead as you take a seat. You both sat under the tree in the courtyard of the temple. You both sit in silence for a few moments before you decide to speak again.

“Does it ever both you that you can never form attachments with someone?” You ask softly. “We’re not allowed to fall in love?”

“I-I suppose it does,” Obi-Wan answers, his heart beating so fast. It was like you could read every thought in his mind he had managed to close off as best as he could. “Does it bother you?”

“Yeah,” You admit. You look up at the sky as the colors signify that the sun is beginning to set and you both would need to go to dinner soon. “It’s frustrating… the rule is written like it’s something you can chose. No matter how hard I try, I can’t help how I feel at times…”

“I know how you feel,” he says softly, looking at you with his heart on his sleeve. “I- I really do. You have no idea.”

“Obi-Wan?” You say softly, even though you were alone you spoke in a hushed tone like someone would possibly hear.

“Yes?”

“I feel- I feel like that about you,” you admit, unable to look at him in case he was to reject you. You knew you shouldn’t- you both did. The feelings you held for him were too strong for you to suppress. You had two hopes, perhaps he would feel the same or he would talk you into reason.

You never imagined he would confess he felt the same. You also never imagined that he would lean over and place a quick kiss on your lips as a response, just overcome with the relief to know you felt the same. It was the first kiss either of you ever experienced.

How desperately he wanted to just pull you into his arms now. Despite the room of people, and the very important conversation he should be engaging in- his focus is solely on you. Anakin nudges him when a Senator directs a question their way and he tries his best to answer. He felt Anakin’s struggle to maintain a professional stature and Obi-Wan knew after the meeting his apprentice would be unable to hold back his comments.

The meeting went on for ages, and Obi-Wan just felt uneasy the entire time. When the meeting adjourned, he wasn’t sure how to approach you. You and the Senator you accompanied lingered like many others to chat. Anakin, before Obi-Wan could even think of what to do, confidently walked over to you as soon as the senator you were speaking to walked away.

“Master (Y/L/N),” Anakin said, “I don’t know if you remember me. Anakin Skywalker- I was a Padawan at the Temple right before you left on your mission. I’m sure you remember my Master, Master Kenobi.”

“I do remember you,” you say with a smile, looking between the young apprentice and the man who loved. You tried your best to remain civil, and you clearly sensed the amusement of young Skywalker at your and Obi-Wan’s discomfort. “You’ve grown up quite a bit.”

“That was the plan,” Anakin jests, “I’m going to say hello to the Senator Amidala.” And just like that, it left the two of you to face each other for the first time in years.

“Obi-Wan,” you say breathlessly, finally allowing yourself to address him. He looked amazing. He’s traded his braid for a beard, and he looked so distinguished. He always held himself with pride but now he looked the part of a Jedi Master- with an apprentice!

“I’m so happy to see you again,” he says with a smile, one that was clouded with an undertone of sadness. “How long will you be staying in the city?” He asks.

“Just for a few days and then I am returning back to Alderaan,” you reply. “If you have the time, I’d love to catch up?”

“I’d like nothing more,” Obi-Wan says, making you smile. You hated that the first time seeing him is in a place where you can’t just collapse in his arms and just immediately make up for the years away from him. You didn’t even know if he still felt the same as you did. You never stopped loving him. He had promised you the same all those years ago, but you were not expecting him to still hold those same feelings. You both committed yourselves to the Jedi Order and you cannot expect him to go back on those terms you both must adhere.

“Tonight?” You ask, hopefully.

“Tonight,” he confirms. He wanted nothing more than to leave this conference room. Sweep you away from the politics and the mess of the galaxy, to express his undying love and how the time apart just made him long for you. He’d pull you into him and beg you to return to the Temple with him so you could be in his life again.

“You should reign in that apprentice of yours,” you joke, looking over at Anakin with Senator Amidala, “You looked at me the same way,” you say, turning back to him. He chuckles, looking over at the two of them. “So anyways,” you say quickly, before he can respond to your observation, “I’m going to be staying at the Temple while I’m here, I suppose I’ll see you both there later on?”

“Yes, undoubtedly,” Obi-Wan answers. “I hate to leave, but I need to reign in my apprentice.”

“We’ll have plenty of time to catch up,” you say nonchalantly.

“I’ll make sure to find you when we return,” he says, before heading towards Anakin and Senator Amidala.

You sigh, and begin your goodbyes, parting ways with the Alderaan Senator for the day. You start your journey back to the Temple, with Obi-Wan being the only thing on your mind.

Part Two

[shotorozu]

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔦𝔱𝔬𝔰𝔥𝔦 ᥊ 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: you find yourself in a bar that you and your ex used to go to regularly. the local bartender calls your ex- shinsou hitoshi; thinking you guys are still together. 

𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀: angst to fluff (happy ending), sfw, pro hero au (aged up), drinking (alcohol mentions and intake) ex to lovers, minor todomomo (not the center of this fic) reader is in the top 5, some swearing. 

𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱: [Y/N = your name, L/N = last name, H/N = hero name, ] f! reader, quirk not mentioned. 

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: i also did this trope on ao3 with todomomo, so i better not see people think i plagiarized them because.. that’s literally me lol. also! i was very conflicted, bc i also wanted to do this with shouto but since I already have 2-3 fics in the making, i went with hitoshi (but let me know if you wanna see shouto’s version.) 

word count to be added when im not sleep deprived

　　　　　　　　

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You swivel down another shot down your throat, not caring of the burn in your nose, nor do you care about the smell of the alcohol. 

You’re never like this, this is not the best representation of yourself, no. This is not who you are as a person, and the way your former classmates look at you with concern when you chug down another shot shows how unusual this is to them.

“Take it easy..” Momo pats your back, and you exhale heavily, putting down the glass. Everyone is certain that you’ll obtain some serious hangover, almost to the point that you’d have to take the morning off to treat your hangover. They’re aware that you’re not this careless, since you're in the top 5 after all. 

But they let you be momentarily, but why you may ask?

Because this is your way of coping a breakup with your boyfriend of 3 and a half years, Shinsou Hitoshi. They’re aware on how hurt you really are, and to be real- they were the ones that asked you to come out with them tonight to distract you. 

“They’ve been going at it for a while, it’s almost concerning.” Tsuyu comments, as she tends to a slightly tipsy Mina, holding her so she doesn’t fall face first into the floor. 

The least they could do is let you be, while you're not totally blacked out.

The local bartender- Maki, looks at you with concern when you order another shot, yet they still give it to you (with the slightest hesitation) since you’re such a good friend to her. (Your rank makes you very respectable, it’s almost intimidating! but your casual friend ship with the bar tender says other wise.) 

But on the contrary, you'd know when you’ve reached the limit, and you’d probably know when they’d start refusing your requests of another shot. 

One by one, their friends depart from the table, either they were too drunk to even handle it so they were brought home, or something came up- everyone could agree that they all had some sort of worry towards their dear friend’s very out of character coping mechanism. 

“I have to go soon,” Momo sighs, when she receives a text from Todoroki- though it’s very obvious that she’s still very concerned for you, considering that she’s the only friend left. “Please take care of Y/N, Maki-san.” 

Maki nods at your black haired friend, and the creation hero looks at you one last time before leaving the bar. 

Lifting your head, your words are slurred as you request for another shot, which seems like the umpteenth time that you requested for a shot. The concerned bartender still attends to your needs, yet- she’s contemplating of calling someone if you ask for another. 

Likewise, you finish that shot in a moment, and you slump down on the table. Eyelids fluttering slowly as your laughter is filled with intoxication, your cheeks are warm from being inebriated from the intake of alcohol. 

You don’t notice how your concerned bartender dials up a number, requesting for them to pick your drunken state. 

     »»————-　➴　————-««

“Did you know the word bed is shaped like one?” 

It’s now past midnight, and you’re mouthing off about something random, the train of thought is endless (but it’s more like a shower thought ramble.) Your fists are deep into your hair- holding your head up so it doesn't hit the table, meanwhile Maki paces back and forth- still tending to other requests from the very few customers left. 

“Now that you’ve mentioned it, yeah.” They answer absentmindedly, “Man, I haven't seen you in nearly 4 months! it’s been a while. You knows how to hold your alcohol so frankly, this is the first time I’ve seen this side of you!” 

“Oh really?” You slur, continuing on to spout out purposeless words.

The bartender’s response is a total blur, words turning into background noises, and a part of you is lucky to still be conscious and still functioning (yet it's barely) 

“..But you hold it well for--” 

You’re also very lucky that you’re a little too under the influence to even register the name.

You didn't know you’d take this breakup with him harshly. The most you were expecting was just.. crying while eating ice cream. 

But no, it was an utter shit hole. 

The door busts open, and the bartender’s expression seems to brighten up “Ah, there you are!” 

You grumble, the bar’s lights causing your eyes to sting- and your head hurts too. You might need some aspirin later.. you close your eyes shut. The bartender is chatting with the unknown person, and frankly- you just wished you didn’t intoxicate yourself this much.

“Y/N,” 

The baritone voice is almost sufficient in sobering you up. Turning to the familiar voice, you see the tall figure, sporting bedraggled purple hair. 

It’s Shinsou Hitoshi. A reason why you’re in such a mess, coping with a breakup in the first place. 

You almost fall off your chair in sudden revelation to the appearance of your ex lover. It was almost like.. your drunken state was making you see things- a possible hallucination maybe? it has to be that. Maybe it’s the side effect of the growing headache?? What was in that shot?

“Ugh, I must be crazy,” You wipe your cheek from slob, your head throbbing from the growing headache. The weary purple head raises an eyebrow, and the bartender is confused by the sudden tension. It's abnormal, alright.

The reason why you broke up was because of his lack of self care. 

Again, it’s not like he was being a shithead and cheating on you, or being a total prick of a boyfriend and neglecting you, and it’s definitely not the other way around either. 

It was probably the opposite. He'd neglect himself for days on end, not caring about himself, and not caring about his own being. It was.. not what you wanted at all. 

You figured just because the both of you are rising up heroes, and also adults- he would’ve gotten a grip of not neglecting himself. 

But even habits like that don’t get old. 

“Hitoshi- seriously, when was the last time you’ve took a breather?” growing slightly irritated by Shinsou’s continuous neglect of his own self care, and also the fact that he’s clinging onto you 24/7. 

“It doesn’t matter.” He shrugs, pinching your cheek. Heck, you should be glad he wants to be with you for the majority of the days. But you can’t tolerate him when he’s constantly complaining about being tired, although making little to no efforts in taking care of himself. Heck- his dark circles got even darker- how is that even possible?

“’Toshi, it really does. You can’t neglect self care.” Your brows furrow when he chooses to ignore your words. “You’re not listening to me.” 

“You should be glad that I want to spend time with you.” 

It stung. What the hell did he even mean by that..?? scoffing, and slightly offended, you reply “That’s not the main issue.” you cross your arms “We’ve talked about this before, remember?” You reason out, giving him the nice benefit of the doubt. You'd like to be civil here. 

He ignores you once more, and you can actually feel the irritation grow within you. “I don’t want to be the reason why you neglect yourself.” 

“I’m really not, okay?” He retorts back, “Why do you always have to bring up things that don't matter?” 

Aggitated, you snap back “Wh- we’re talking about you! Hitoshi, we’ve talked about this- and you said you’d work on it! do my words mean nothing to you?” Hitoshi’s gaze flickers up, only staring at you, as if it was his own way of judging you and your intent. 

And that’s how it erupted into a full fight, and into your eventual breakup. 

You didn’t know how expressing your genuine concern for him blended into him saying things he’d never mean in his entire life. He doesn’t stop you when you walk out, not saying a thing at all

There was no verbal breakup. It was just.. there. 

The unknowing bartender interrupts the nonverbal tension, “I thought you’d be a lot happier, y’know.” 

“We-”

“..’ll get going now, thanks again.” Before you know it, Hitoshi’s hooking your arm around his shoulders— as he walks to the door, leaving the very familiar bar.

It’s awkward, surely. You’re not sure why he was there, and you’re not so sure as to why he decided to come to your aid in the first place. If Maki called him, and he was requested to come to you in question, then he could’ve just..

“..sent someone else,” You mumble. You reek heavily of alcohol, and your skin is undeniably warm. Frankly, he doesn’t remember the last time you were like this— was it the first time you had a drink? it was years back at this point.

You’re pretty.

Beautiful,

That’s one thing that hasn’t change. Surely, what changed things was the fact that he said some.. horrible things— and refused to even listen to your concerns, which ultimately cause your breakup. His relationship status changed into some lonely and young hero, and his heart ached in different ways.

But you’re still very beautiful, to him.

Doesn’t matter if you’re all dolled up for a hero interview, or a mess on a off saturday. You’re still beautiful.

But now— he’s focused on your words, and he’s taken aback when you continue to speak, causing the both of you to stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

“You’ve coulda asked s-someone else to pick.. me up.” Your words are slurred, a normal side effect of being drunk. However, seeing your ex has surely sobered you up.

“That’s true,” Shinsou moves to continue walking, so you guys weren’t standing on the middle of the side walk on a cold early morning.

“What are you even doing at a bar at 1am?” He changes the subject, but you’re still caught on to your previous question. “You didn’t answer my question at all, meanie.” Her grip is firm, so there’s no way of budging it.

His laugh lacks humor, yet he feels obligated to answer her. Or else they’d be stuck on the sidewalk, due to her hero grip.

“It didn’t feel right,”

“Yeah sure.” You grumble, “Because you suddenly care.”

“I’ve always cared, Y/N.”

“Really?” You say, not really believing him anyway. “You seemed pretty sure with your words back then to care.” Despite being toxicated, your words have undertones of venom

“You may say that, but.. I’ve always cared.”

“Then why the hell did you say all of that back then, huh?” Overwhelmed by seeing your ex, who you still fucking loved by the way— tears grow at your eyes. “If you’re lying, stop it.” You say, literally not in the mood to be lied to right now.

You’re literally being carried by your ex, while intoxicated, while also having a throbbing headache.

“I’m not.” Hitoshi answers firmly. A certain edge grows in his throat, and he hates it.

“Yes you are,” Your voice is now wobbly, it’s really just a mix of your overwhelming emotion, as well as your drunken state. “You would’ve told me that weeks ago!”

You were always right, and he knows it. Ever since from the last moment you shared with him, your words were just.. nothing but the sheer truth. Yet, he’s only hurt you— because of his denial.

He knows you’re right, and he knows that he had his habits of neglecting his own care. Though that’s why he decided to change, that you were in fact- correct all this time.

And he was just an ass to even admit it.

“You’re right,” His fists crumple, grip tight as he fights his sudden urge to break. “You were always right. I’ve always cared, and you’ve always cared about me. Yet I was worried of changing, not being around you just so that I could take care of something that’s not really important-”

“But you are, Hitoshi,” You sob, nearly collapsing onto the ground— “You matter so much, yet you don’t even see it, and if I’m going to contribute to your destructive ways— then...”

“How could you? If you don’t care about my words, then do you care about yourself..?”

Shinsou sighs, bending down to meet your level— you’re gasping and sobbing into his chest, tears angrily running down your cheeks.

“I know, kitten, and I’m sorry.” Wiping your tears with his thumb, he speaks once more. “That’s why.. I’ve thought about what you’ve said, and I decided to take care of myself a bit more, I want you to know that.. I do care.”

You glance up at him, the city lights luminating his face— enough for you to see the adorning expression he’s sporting.

“..really?” You speak, in a nearly hush tone, again— you’re still very drunk, and overwhelmed with emotions. This could’ve been passed off as a fever dream, and you could’ve been normal with it.

“Yes, Y/N.” His mouth perks up into a small smile.

“Then.. would you allow me to start over with you again?”

Pushing against Hitoshi, you envelope him with your arms— it’s almost cliché and dramatic, the way you collapse into his arms like it’s the last day on earth.

But.. Shinsou’s glad he has you again. Finally a chance to prove that he’s changed.

ーーーーーーー

BONUS

You sit on the counter of your apartment, hands covering your face— as a way to shield your eyes from the prodding sunlight that peaks from the windows.

“This should help,” Hitoshi hands you a cool glass of water, “The way you hold your alcohol is terrible,” You chug down the glass of water, and you take a jab at him with your feet.

He hisses at the sudden attack, and only chuckles, “You’re mad because it’s true kitten,” He teases

“Shut up,” You draw him in with your leg, setting the glass down, “Just kiss me already,”

And so he does, pressing your lips against his— savoring the sweet warm moment he’s been practically starved of for nearly 4 months.

He pulls back, his expression showcasing that he’s tasting the aftermath.

“Ew, you taste like beer.”

You glare at him, and take another light jab, “Of course I do, Idiot.”

Despite saying all of that, he pulls you in once more.

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likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading (literally the first fic i’ve ever posted, so y’all BETTER like it or i’ll 💀)

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing

do not plagiarize my work :)) (literally don’t, it’s 3:26am on a tuesday.)

[ateezaligned]

How OnlyOneOf portrayed queer relationships and dynamics in libidO, w a hint of good ol’ yearning

(disclaimer: this strictly about the mv and in no way I’m implying these dynamics are translated to real life and their friendships if u suggest that ill kick you, don’t ship real ppl romantically pls)

The storyline of Instinct pt. 1 tell us this album is focused on self-discovery and how young people repress their “urges”, but the way all three subplots play with this concept is super fascinating!

The KB/Yoojung situation (which is my favorite subplot!!): From my point of view, Yoojung and KB show a relationship that is just blossoming. The song starts with tying up Yoojung’s hands, he is being contained, and his lyrics are literally “I’m attracted for no reason”, now I looked up other translations besides the original and it also has to do with being ‘pulled’, like Yoojung is being pulled into this relationship for ‘no reason’, he thinks he needs one to fall in love with another man. Rationalizing your feelings is a way to separate yourself from them. Therefore, Yoojung plays the more hesitant part, he overthinks, his super ego policing strongly what he feels.

On the other hand, KB is seen initiating most of the physical contact between them, and he does it in a way that makes it easy for Yoojung to pull back if he doesn’t want it. KB is also always at least an arm away, inside a comfortable space for Yoojung to reach for him if he wants to. In their first scene of close contact, Yoojung is the one laying his head on KB’s shoulder, and he keeps control of their closeness throughout the whole video, despite KB breaking it with the soft touches we see, such as fixing Yoojung’s hair or putting his hand on his shoulder in the beach scene. And all this gentle-ness contrasts so well, bc we also see KB’s character initiating contact with others! He pulls Junji for a hug when both of them are shirtless and he does it so nonchalantly! It’s obvious he is okay with /more/, but he respects Yoojung’s boundaries and never pushes.

The scooter scene is great, bc we can see Yoojung hugging and pressing their thighs and putting his hands in the air, he feels more carefree, he was able to get past his own inhibitions and it’s so great to see.

So Yoojung and KB's is like a first relationship: you are stepping on eggshells, you don’t know what you’re doing or looking for. A lot of queer people start dating into adulthood, and even with previous ‘straight’ dating experience, everything is so incredibly new! And it’s great but also anxiety inducing and frustrating.

Then, there’s Rie and Junji. A thing I found incredibly interesting is that in every scene of them (except two) they’re already in contact. In the car they’re holding hands, and when they’re hugging and eating lollipops, and back to back in the basketball court, we don’t know who started it, but it doesn’t matter because Junji and Rie are equals and stand on the same ground of mutual love, respect and experience, they’re having fun and smiling at one another, even when they’re playing basketball face to face, their eyes are on each other and its playful and great. Rie has one of the best lyrics in the song that is “I trust youand I accept it”. Junji and Rie don’t need to fight their instincts, really, because they know everything is reciprocated and their libido (not as in sexual drive but as in life energy) is matched in the other, they have trust over everything else, and this can also be shown in the only scene where Rie lays his head on Junji’s back, he’s supporting himself on his partner and Junji accepts it because relationships aren’t only fun but also healing and giving someone a place to rest. And Junji does his part and bandages Rie’s wounds, which @henlex pointed out as a Achilles and Patroclus reference, being these basically the top tier of gay love and companionship, when Patroclus died (represented by Rie), Achilles dies avenging him, asking for their ashes to be mixed so they could be forever one. So yeah, let’s yearn for something like this gays.

Finally, the trio. They’re the first ones to have their solo scenes, and you can see Love in the bathtub, he is naked and exposed, playing with some rosemary leaves (yeah I went to someone and asked them if they recognised the plant leave me alone). Rosemary used to be given to Aphrodite bc it was used as an aphrodisiac. It also represents fidelity. Yeah. So Love is playing with fidelity, basically. Many thoughts were thought.

Then, Nine and Mill are a continuous contrast throughout the mv. While Nine is inside and laying on the floor, cozy and reading, Mill stands outside in the garden looking at the window. I’ve said it before but I think it’s really important the way Mill’s character portrays one of the harsher parts of queerness that is that “other-ness”. You’re just an observant, and you want in and to be yourself with your friends and participate in those rituals, but something inside you doesn’t allow you to. In here, though, is not just ‘I want to identify with my straight friends’ but ‘I want to be free like these other gays, why can’t I do it?’.

Nine and Love’s relationship doesn’t really show a lot of romantic moments, in fact, I can’t really think about something between them that was, intimate and sensual? yes, but not romantic. Which is completely okay. Sex is not something bad, and gay sex is constantly demonized. Casual sex is okay and sex with friends and whatever, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, sex is okay. So to me, Love and Nine are friends, the arm around the neck seemed casual and natural, they’re comfortable with each other, and they’re also comfortable with mill, as shown in the creek scene. They didn’t mind the audience (yeah this sounds kinky ik), both nine and love are pushing the boundaries, unlike kb. But pushing isn’t always wrong, per se.

Nine starts with the lyrics “leave it, libido, we’re like roots (…) mixing together with no rules”, while Love sings “don’t suppress it just accept it”. Both nine and love are clear with their intentions and instincts, their subconscious is not their enemy in any way, since both of them accept the relationship they have.

Meanwhile, Mill battles with his libido, but it’s not like Yoojung who has a partner that actually loves him, if Mill takes the chance and jumps, he doesn’t know where he is going to land. In the whole video, not even once Mill touches someone else, even if he desperately wants to (Yongsoo did a great acting work I’m still so amazed!!). The yearning and pining over Love, who pulls him in and gazes at him, is such a good concept, because even if Love is giving him all the signals that there is (he is with another boy openly, allows close contact and shows himself in front of mill), Mill will still doubt himself and what he is doing. Hesitation and all, he takes a leap of faith in that one scene where he approaches Nine and Love, and keeps eye contact.

Now here is where the controversial crotch grabbing scene comes, and both Love and Nine sing. They say they’re walking over shallow water, so it’s not risky, they’re not gonna drown, and there’s no one around and they just “keep walking”. They do their thing with no care of what others may think. But also, Nine asks “what you need?” And “why can’t you see the light over there?” now, maybe after the whole no compromises he did catch feelings for Love, but Love, playing with fidelity as previously stated, answers “I’m gonna go where I feel like going”.

And then we have Mill’s rap. He talks about how this ‘experience’ can’t be compared to anything else but it’s an experiment. Now I know a thing or two about downplaying queer experiences, it isn’t unusual for gay ppl to look at things our younger selves did and think ‘how did I even passed as straight?’. Mill, even after saying it was just this experiment, says “you’re already putting a period, that doesn’t end things”. So, my guess, since after that we don’t see them directly interacting unlike the other couples, is that it all fell apart. Love, having the upper hand in the whole dynamic, didn’t have actual romantic feelings for any of the other boys, and he left them hanging.

While a bit heartbreaking, I think it’s important to point out that queer relationships are just like straight ones, and sometimes they end up in ruins, and it’s okay and its part of growing and discovering oneself!

So yeah, that’s my interpretation. This is like 1500 words. A whole essay. Hyperfixation is a bitch. I need a girlfriend.