#one time a trans kid came in asking about a job and asked what the like policy was on trans people I guess

[deepseaphantom]

Aaaugh it’s a lot of yelling about my shit life

I hate this stupid house!!!! It’s rotting from the inside out and we’re rotting along with it!!!! There’s a hole in the bathroom floor there’s a hole in the crawling the dishwasher is broken and my dad won’t get it fixed I fucking hate this place but I can’t escape!!!!! I am trapped!!! With a racist transphobic father!!! I can’t trust anyone in this family cause I vented about my mom (she sucks) on insta and my aunt (her sister) saw it and told my grandma (her mom) about it and she called me disgusting!!! I can’t tell my dad anything cause he sucks and thinks I can’t be a lesbian cause I’m nonbinary but also thinks I can’t be non-binary cause I’m a lesbian!!!! Fucker thinks cause I was born premature and have aspergers (I do not use this word anymore) that I’ll develop slower into things!!!! He fucking told me that when I told him I was asexual!!!! My sister said that if I went on testosterone it would make me more angry and violent and has called me a idiot and a bitch multiple times (so has my dad) and my mom is absolutely awful!!! I haven’t talked to her in years cause she kicked me off tone health insurance and she also told my sister to KILL HERSELF?!? And my sister still continues to talk to her!!!! And I can’t talk about how our father was/is emotionally abusive!!! I’ve gotten over fights with my dad before cause he won’t use my name or pronouns(saying shit like they isn’t a singular pronoun) or him spouting racist shit and I would go to my sisters place (there is no where else to go) and I WAS AT FAULTIM THE ONLY GAY AND AUTISTIC LERSON IN THIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH UIS TRANSPHOBIC ASS AND IM THE BAD GUY!!!!

Fuck I don’t even trust to tell them anything anymore about stuff I like cause they’ll chuckle at it and they’ve made fun of me so many times (calling me a bitch and idiot) that I do not trust them

I fucking hate being autistic in this fucking family I don’t fit in at all

I’m the only artist in the family (everyone else are lawyers or some sorts political thing or scientist)

I’m autistic )either I’m the only one who doesn’t try and mask or truly I’m alone)

I have nerdy interests (transformers)

I am nonbinary !!!! There is no one else in this fucking family that is gay!!! (I don’t count my mom I don’t care if she dated and moved in with a lady for a bit ((they broke up)) she fucking kicked me off the health insurance when I came out to her as non-binary!

And I get fucking interrupted all the goddamn time!!! All the fucking time!!!! I try and talk about something I like and I can literally see the interest fade from my sisters eyes I try and talk about how I was bullied in middle school and my dad has the gall to say if I smiled more I would’ve had more friends and he won’t shut up about hoe he regrets not letting me quit basketball and says I would’ve made friends that way!! I fucking hated basketball!! I got hit in the head 3 fucking times!!

And I fucking can’t have negative emotions in this house or not want to be touched or else my dad will get mad at me! I have no privacy since my room is essentially a hallway with doors and one doesn’t close properly ! He can just come in and talk to me about whatever the fuck or kiss me on my head and I don’t want that sometimes!!! And I have to pretend that I’m not incredibly dissatisfied with my life cause if I tried to explain to him how I feel and how I literally can’t do anything he says some shit like just do it! Make a list! FUCK!!!!! iCANT I FUCKKNG CANT

NEITHER MY DAD OR SISTED KNOW ME AND I BARELY KNOE MYSELF!!!!! But fuck I know if I was the person my dad and sister thought I was I would’ve killed myself already

[sexydoffyman]

*cough cough*

❗NSFW REQUEST❗

Ghost with Ftm!reader who's infertile

He can breed his manpussy without worrying about him getting pregnant.

HE DOESN'T NEED TO WORRY

navigation

genre: smut

characters: Simon Riley

A/N: If you know me irl don't read this.

He would have never guessed you were trans if you hadn't told him. It was a medical emergency. And of course, he was proper with his act thanks to you telling him. It ended with you being able to get the right treatment in time.

His views on you didn't really change. He had liked you way before you told him. But your actions gave him ideas. Ideas that he wanted to try.

The first time he got you in his bed, he was gentle, soft, caring. He was sweet with his words and actions. Poor you. You didn't even know what you were getting yourself into. He somehow managed to sneak a question into your conversation without being suspicious.

The question being, "Can ya have kids?" It seemed like a totally normal question that one would ask out of curiosity. Of course, you had to answer honestly.

He became obsessed with the idea of having you spread out on his bed only for him to fuck. Only for him to breed. He wanted to fill your walls white. He wanted to push your body into the mattress and whisper filth into your ear.

It was a while after training, and he was impatient. He wanted and needed to feel you. He approached you, talking awkwardly. He asked you if you wanted to fuck with him, to which you responded with the same level of awkwardness.

He had everything ready. It was a winter night, so he made sure the room was warm before letting you in. Even tho the heater was only on 1 it did the job. The blinds were shut. The light was dim. The bed was made nicely to impress you. And if anything went wrong, he had a plan b pill lying in a cupboard.

He was so fucking ready to do this. To fuck you up. To make you his. He was slow at first getting you used to his size, which was always a concern of his due to his and your size. He moved his hips softly, not being too harsh on you.

You always valued the way he didn't rush you. He'll be rougher from the start when you've shared a couple more nights together. Oh, don't worry. He lost himself after the first few minutes of being inside of you. The feeling was mesmerising.

He thrusted into you with no intention of leaving you able to walk in the morning. He stopped thinking and let his dick lead the way. You looked just perfect in the dim light.

He didn't last long that night for a very obvious reason. He finished inside of you, pushing any of his sperm that leaked out of you back in.

His dreams finally came true. It became very strange to others when they saw you leaving Ghost's room at midnight every now and then.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA… my crush threw up when she saw my scars.

I (22ftm) have intense feelings for my friend (24 f ), we’ll call her Bee. For some background I met her through my job (we’re in the food industry). I’m have a big friend group and my crush use to work with everyone. Bee use to actually date someone within the friend group, Sandy (24 f). They’re still friends even tho they’re broken up.

I hangout with my work friend group a lot, and Bee sometimes will come along. I like Bee a lot because she’s just really cool, she’s always calm, she talks about anything and everything, and she’s beautiful. She even is working as a heating and cooling technician. It’s hard for her to hangout with all of us because she has so many other things going on in general. She even bough a house in this economy!

Sandy and Bee are still close friends. I’ve asked a Sandy about their relationship and if she’s over her, and Sandy basically just tells me they were both kids and have dated other people since breaking up.

I haven’t actually gotten the chance to hangout with Bee one on one. I’ll even invite her to hangout with our group, but most the time she’s either busy with her house, or her other friends/family/business trips/etc. At first I thought she was lying, but Sandy has told me Bee just does a lot in general now. I’ve invited her to see a few scary movies with me, but she’s turned down 3/3.

This is where I may have been the asshole for making Bee uncomfortable. I had gotten my top surgery (whoo hoo) and after some recovering I kinda wanted to celebrate. Our other mutual friend was throwing a game night and I asked if Bee was coming and if she could come. Our friend said that’s fine since Bee is cool, and I invited Bee and she said she’d love to. She showed up with her boyfriend. I know it sounds bad, I just wanna get closer to Bee in general, her and I don’t have to date (although I wouldn’t mind).

Anyway during the game night, Sandy and Bee went to a separate bedroom to talk. I did pretend to go to the bathroom to ease drop. Bee was just basically telling Sandy she’s been stressed about work and her family, and redoing her house (she and her bf are doing the work themselves) Sandy basically just offered to help and Bee was just like “oh you listening is more than enough!” And they kinda just talked a little more. I was kinda feeling betrayed by Sandy, I haven’t told Sandy I really wanna get closer to Bee, she probably knows tho, but she never offers any help on how I could get closer.

When the two got out I raised a toast to my top surgery and to just making my body feel more like me, and to thank all my friends for the love and support I’ve received through them. I took off my shirt to show off, and I immediately noticed Bee looked away.

Throughout the night I would try and talk to Bee, but she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. she was keeping the conversation short Was she afraid to sexualize me? Was she transphobic? Her boyfriend even got between us and tried asking me how I’m doing and was kinda being a block. My mind was racing and I just kinda grabbed her hand and said “Does this scare you?”. She cried out “sorry!” And ran away…and she threw up in the sink. She started crying and apologizing and Sandy and her bf kinda took her to the bathroom then the car. Bee came in said sorry to everyone for ruining the night, and like three people said “no you just go home and feel better”.

I watched Sandy talk to both Bee and her boyfriend for like 20 minutes “saying goodbye”. I was shocked by the whole thing. It finally took someone to ask me if I was okay. I asked if Bee was trans phobic, why wouldn’t she look at me, she never hangs out with me one on one. Everyone told me that Bee isn’t transphobic (gee thanks). One of my friends even said I shouldn’t have grabbed Bee like that, which I know now. She was just acting all weird around me, and she was what I thought the coolest person ever.

Sandy came back in, she was laughing and she told the group Bee was fine. I asked “what about me!?” Sandy basically explained “body stuff” makes Bee “queasy”. i was hurt and offended that no one cared about me or my feelings.

Later that night Bee called me to apologize. She offered to buy me lunch. I was still hot headed and asked how my scars make her throw up. She basically told me about an event in her life that does make her uncomfortable around blood/scars/etc. I asked if she supported trans rights. she said of course. I asked her if she would ever date me, and she said shes never thought about it because shes with her bf. i basically confessed my feelings which she did not return but wishes me luck.

We never got lunch. I feel weird reaching out to her. she hasn't stopped by the restaurant. She hasn't come to a group gathering since. i know her and Sandy still hangout which pissed me off. i tried talking to my "friend" about it, but they say it as a step too far. they also shame me for crushing on her (i was fine with just friendship).

Its been like two months and everyone is still weird about it. Every time i bring it up, everyone makes me the bad guy. was i the asshole? was Sandy or Bee or even my friends that didnt support me?

What are these acronyms?

[doberbutts]

I mean this is a pretty hot take but I think until y'all can sit down and actually provide examples of what you mean by "privilege" instead of using the word as a means of referring to the nebulous idea that some people have it better and its Their Fault, there will continue to be absolutely braindead takes about who holds what privilege and how it conflicts with actual first-hand experience.

That's why, when I ask what male privilege I was apparently either born with or received immediately upon coming out, I get crickets.

When we talk about male privilege, we talk about getting paid more. We talk about getting hired more, and into higher-paying jobs more. We talk about being able to vote and drive and have credit cards and bank accounts. We talk about reproductive freedom and body autonomy. We talk about rape statistics, domestic violence, and other forms of violent crime. We talk about immigration and citizenship status and human trafficking. We talk about power dynamics in relationships. We talk about society's expectations for gender roles.

There's two big problems with this:

Unless a trans man is completely binary, fully stealth, and has burned every trace of his past, almost none of this is accessible to him. Trans men don't get paid more unless their gender marker is M, there's no mention of ever being anything but cisgender, and they're completely stealth. They don't get hired more, unless these things are true. Many lived lives being discouraged from chasing higher paying jobs such as STEM fields due to being seen as girls, so they're not going into these jobs more either. Similarly with voting- when I registered to vote I was non-passing, with my legal name and gender marker. To the voting office, I was a woman. To my credit card company, who has never seen my face, I'm *still* a woman, despite passing most of the time. To my bank account, which I've had since I was 8, I've never not been a woman. When I took my driver's test, I was treated as a woman.

When I asked for a hysterectomy at 20, I was told not until I was over 30, had a minimum of two children, or had a husband to sign off on it. Just like a woman. When I whacked my head as a kid and was rushed to the doctor, the doctor specifically said if I was a boy he wouldn't have bothered stitching but a girl can't have scars on her face *while he was stitching my forehead back together*. I had to fight to be allowed to cut my long hair. I had to fight to be allowed to take care of it by myself.

I have needed to leave relationships when I realized I was with a man that would hurt me for his gain. I've been assaulted by my peers for being a black woman or a black girl in a space that I was not wanted.

I was raised with the expectation that I would be a mother to a large family with a husband that kept me pregnant and likely staying at home like a typical tradwife. I was punished, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially for rejecting that life. I lost literally all my social group from before I came out. I lost a good chunk of family members too, and the ones I have left are... trying, but not perfect.

And:

Other marginalized men are also often denied access to these things either. White men might be paid more, but white women make more than men of any other race. White men might be hired more, but "Rachel" is more likely to get a call back than "Rafael". White men are more likely to be in a STEM position, but tell me when the last time you saw a Native doctor. It may have been *legal* for racially marginalized men to vote, but those who did not speak English had no ability to do so until 45 years *after* white women had the right to vote (and technically it took another 10 years for translations to actually be provided). Banks and credit companies and driver's tests and mortgage brokers and more are *known* to discriminate, between barely-legal remnants of redlining to outright illegal discrimination because they know they can get away with it.

Black and Native children are taken from their birth families and placed into foster care and adoptive homes daily due to state-sponsered genocide. It's more than just the mother that's affected by this. Black men are largely targeted by stop-and-frisk policing policies that exist to do nothing except harass and assault them for just existing in a place, and are an extreme body violation.

New studies show that men experience rape and domestic violence at roughly the equivilant rate as women, but reporting is obscenely low due to social pressures and rigid gendering of victim vs abuser policies. The demographic with the highest rate of murder victims is black men.

Single, childless adult men are not allowed to immigrate to multiple countries, including the US, on refugee status. Men of marginalized races- largely latine and asian- are trafficked by largescale construction companies and then deported or abandoned when no longer needed.

Disabled men are killed or abandoned regularly by their able-bodied partners who got tired of dealing with them.

I know more than one man who feels trapped into a place where he cannot, ever, show any emotion besides horny, hungry, or angry as a direct result of strict gender roles being pushed on him. I know more than one man who has tried to take his own life because of it.

I know more than one man who has succeeded.

And I gotta be honest the further I get in transition and the more I pass the more I think that being a man... also kinda sucks. Like it sucked when I was a woman. Doesn't really feel like it sucks less as a man. Seems to me like society treats both of these pretty poorly and I was told the grass was way greener on this side and it's, uh, not. Not really. Not when you start making cis male friends and start realizing that a lot of these guys had a lot of the same experiences you grew up being told was part of a woman's life.

And I'm not saying that these guys don't have interactions where life is better for them because they're men. Of course they do. That's patriarchy for you. But I do think it's difficult to have a "male privilege" argument when people try to argue on a 1-to-1 basis and it just straight up doesn't work like that.

And I know a lot of what I'm saying ties back to the theory of intersectionality, that this can't flatten nuance like this is directly tied to the fact that a white woman, a native woman, an asian woman, a black man, a latino man, and an arabic man, are all going to have WILDLY different experiences that you can't just "well you're [gender] so you don't experience [harm]" about because it's blatantly untrue. Especially if you continue to add marginalizations, like immigration status, religion, sexuality, transition, language, and more.

[hyumjim]

Oh yeah I have been thinking about this for a while re: overzealous callouts typically targeting trans women. Basically I shudder to think what any of you people would do with even an ounce of institutional power. I have one of those jobs where I’m a mandated reporter of child abuse. And for my job I spend time in people’s homes. And I’ve been doing this job for seven years. If I have good reason to suspect that a child is being abused then I need to call child protective services. You know how many times I have done this over seven years? Twice. And both times it was because a child asked me directly to do it. And I sat with both kids and we called CPS together. In one case this resulted in the cops coming to their house and in the other case, nothing happened. In both cases I stayed with them for as long as I could.

Now, over the years of course I’ve heard a number of questionable things. I’ve thought, yeah, this person is probably hitting their kid. I mean, it happens a lot, and some degree of corporal punishment is still normalized in many homes. I don’t condone that, and I’ve had a lot of conversations with parents about it and suggested many alternatives. But the bottom line is that I cannot be trigger-happy when it comes to calling CPS. CPS is a deeply flawed system. Many of the people I work with are extremely used to having CPS called on them. Truancy from school on its own is enough to open a CPS case and criminalize parents. Abuse absolutely happens and needs to be addressed when it does, but so often, police involvement, system involvement is not the answer. Kids get removed from homes and placed with foster families who can be more abusive, less closely monitored, and don’t even have the relational bond that acts as a protective factor. Parents receive the message that they are unfit to care for their children, which makes them worse as parents, and the cycle continues, etc.

So whenever something that’s questionable comes up, I always speak to my supervisor about it and we discuss whether or not I need to take it to CPS. But the answer is almost always ‘no.’ It’s a last resort, only to be used when absolutely necessary. And even in cases where it’s absolutely a necessity, like the one I mentioned where the cops came? That call resulted in me being cut off from the young person entirely. Because his abusive mother knew that I made the report, and forbade me from ever speaking with him again. Which she can do, because he’s her child. For all I know, nothing came of the investigation and his parents retaliated against him more harshly than before. So do you think I made the right call?

Mind you, I’ve seen all sorts of really fucked-up family dynamics, all kind of patterns of emotional turmoil between families, a lot of parents saying terrible things that I think nobody should say to a child, and vice versa. It’s my job to sit with these things and try to help. Not to call someone to come and take away the problematic person.

The point is that I’ve had to sit and think deeply about when to report abuse, as part of my job, for years and years of my life now. And I see the ease and eagerness with which people on here will smear a trans woman as a pedophile with the flimsiest of evidence (i.e. agreed with another user who turned out to be an abuser; has kinks that are triggering to me personally; has innocuous sfw art on her blog of a teen anime character). And I think wow, if you guys had a job like mine you would be ruining people’s lives frequently. Just something to think about.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

It's been on and off for what feels like the last couple months but I think I might be trans. I kinda remember wanting to be a boy when I was a little kid and I remember I used to try to intentionally make my voice sound deeper when I was like 15(? or maybe 14, something around those ages?) because I hated how my voice sounded but I stopped because my sister and mum took the piss out of me for doing it one time. I want to try presenting more masculine than I already try to do but my parents feel like a massive fucking roadblock to this. There's nowhere I know of that sells binders in person and I don't want to deal with the issues that could come from ordering them online(mainly my parents asking me what I ordered and stuff like that), my mum doesn't want me to cut my hair shorter because she thinks it'll be a shock to me or w/e. I hate having boobs so fucking much(they feel horrible and sweaty and I want them gone so badly but a part of me feels like that specific part might just be sensory issues) and there's no fucking way my parents are gonna let me get rid of my tits and also I remember during a car ride with my mum, sister and grandmother my grandma went on a rant about people asking for pronouns or w/e and while I don't think it got explicitly transphobic(or maybe it did, I don't remember too well) I ultimately remember coming out of it thinking "I will only come out once I'm able to move out of my house and be financially independent :)". But my parents don't even fucking let me try to get a job and I feel like I can barely even get any form of independence and I just feel so goddamn pathetic and with all the shit going on in the UK about trans rights I don't think I'll ever be able to come out even if I am able to eventually move out and the fact that I have an autism diagnosis(which I also fucking hate having so much and I sometimes wish I was never diagnosed) is just a whole other can of worms that I know will also be a massive fucking roadblock to coming out and actually transitioning. I don't want to say that my parents are transphobic(my dad at least seems like the safest person to come out to out of everyone) but my mum still sometimes accidentally misgenders a childhood friend of mine even though she's kinda known him long after he came out as trans and for some reason, I don't know if I'm misremembering what she's said but when she told me that my friend came out as trans I remember her saying something along the lines of "Just because [ ] is a boy doesn't mean you are too"(he wasn't there for this when she said that fyi) so I guess there's a decent chance she's just not gonna accept me as trans and I'm also scared that both of my parents will just think it's a stage at best and decide that they've had enough of me and kick me out at worst and I just fucking hate that I'm like this though I could be massively overthinking all of this and I just feel like shit about it, I just fucking wish I was born a guy or even some genderless blob so that I'd never have to think about this shit ever again. It's all just so suffocating and I hate being like this.

Sorry for the wall of text I just needed to get this off my chest at the very least.

i’m so, so, sorry that you have to deal with that. that sounds absolutely awful, and if you ever need to vent again or ask for advice, my ask box is open! (most of the times)

[aromantic-enjolras]

The Amies of the HRT headcanons

This is based on a brainrot with @shamedumpster a long time ago, and a continuation of this post. I won't go into Grantaire, Joly and Bossuet because they are all that post.

Enjolras is really in-your-face about being trans. She is not trying to pass, she doesn't have to pass to be trans. If cis women can be butch and still be women, she can go around with a five-o-clock shadow and not go on HRT and still be a woman. One time during one of their fights Grantaire accuses her of saying that "because you already look like a girl to begin with" and she almost decked her.

Combeferre is your classic case of the person who went into a STEM major as a boy and came out as a girl. She jokes that she should have been tipped by the fact that she always played girls on RPGs. She's thankful that her coworkers are not overtly transphobes, but also sometimes they're..... they've got the spirit. That's what she tells herself. The Amies are her safe space. Also, the moment she realised she was trans she started digging into the literature. Any question you can have, she will whip out an answer, with peer-reviewed citations and footnotes.

Courfeyrac is a theatre kid. She started playing with gender at theatre, putting on dresses and makeup at rehearsals. She went down the he/they->they/them->she/they-> she/her pipeline. Her family is relatively supportive and also loaded, and she started her transition relatively young, which means she has the most complete passing out of all the Amies. She's very hot and she knows it; but she is also very careful around cis guys. She has been called "a trap" enough times to be wary.

Feuilly is mostly closeted. She can't, or doesn't dare, to be out in her blue-collar job. She can't lose her source of income, no matter how uncomfortable she is. One year she gets the courage to go to Pride, staying in the middle of the Amis and trying to stay invisible from the outside, when she hears a voice calling her deadname, and sees a girl from work looking at her. Before she can react, though, the girl is apologizing for misgendering her at work and asking for her real name. After that point, at least she has an ally.

Bahorel started her gender realization as an almost ironic thing. She became a drag queen because "wouldn't it be funny if a guy that looked like me pretended to be a girl???" and somewhere along the way she realized that actually no, it isn't funny. And she's not pretending. Now she's the biggest defender of "cringe is dead". Do things wholeheartedly or don't do them at all.

Jehan is a witchy trans. She knows everyone's star charts (or she thinks she does, Grantaire gave her a fake one to mess with her), and she swears that she can tell who is going to be trans by their star charts alone.

I hope you enjoyed this!!

[jesses-life-updates]

people tend to think trans people are special snowflakes who get pampered by society so here's being trans from the perspective of a transgender 14-year-old who has no adult support in his life. please boost this message to transphobes, it might not change their minds but it could at least make them consider the real children they're hurting.

• when I came out at 13 I was yelled at by my parents until I cried

• according to transphobes it's somehow my fault that I was born with a female body

• people at school ask me what my pronouns are as an insult and call me slurs and nobody does anything about it, not even teachers care

• I came out to these people I thought I could trust and their response was to push me out of their circle of friends and harass me, constantly calling me a lesbian even though I'm not even a girl

• life seems to have lost its colour and I can't remember the last time I felt actual strong emotions

• actual grown ass adults complain about trans people on the internet just for clout and argue with each other about whether or not we deserve rights, as if that isn't the most dehumanising shit

• I've been told that my feelings don't matter by a teacher at my school because "people in countries at war have it worse"

• the prime minister of my country was on national television spreading hate speech about my people and everyone is acting like he's a saint for it, completely ignoring the other bad things he's done for this country because "he hates trans people and that's good"

• I have to stand idly by while trans people my age are committing suicide and I am so scared I will end up adding to that statistic

• there's bad apples in every group of people and just because I'm trans I have to be grouped in with every bigoted/hateful trans person when I'm just trying to keep myself alive and I'm not bothering anyone

• I am too scared to bring up my queer identity around anyone because I don't want them to think I'm shoving it in their face, it might as well be a secret even though I've been out for over a year

• i sometimes forget that I'm not physically a boy but then it hits me again when I see how much taller/deep voiced my male peers are

• I had to resocialise myself as male and change so many things about my behaviour that it's constantly at the forefront of my mind

• my chest constantly feels tight, I can't breathe deeply, my breathing is shaky and I get random rib pains every few hours

• I'm told that my gender is a "protected characteristic" but adults are doing a piss poor job at protecting me, I feel like I'm in danger because of being queer

• people at school harassed me so much for being trans that I practically forced myself back into the closet by telling them I don't care what they refer to me as (I most definitely do care)

• my identity is so normal to me but it's not normal for anyone else, I'll be talking about a girl crush I have thinking what I'm saying is normal but someone chimes in with "oh are you a lesbian?" and it brings me back to the harsh reality that being queer isn't normal

• I used to feel so much pride as a queer kid but now I just hate everything about being queer and I wish so badly that I could be just like everyone else

• more and more laws are being put in place against my people and one day I might not even be able to get gender affirming treatment

• the chemical imbalance in my brain is considered a political stance rather than just a rare condition a group of people have that shouldn't be a big deal

• I, a 14 year old boy, am more mature about gender than ACTUAL GROWN ADULTS who go on PUBLIC TELEVISION TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME WHEN I AM JUST TRYING TO EXIST IN PEACE

• I keep being hit with the realisation that I still need to wait four years just for the chance of merely beginning to transition, which will cost me thousands of pounds and probably take more than ten years to fully transition, whereas my peers are just handed it at birth

• trans people are seen by society as "annoying" and "shoving it down people's throats" and "looking for an excuse to be special" for some fucking reason

• I have to juggle all this shit with trying hard in school and balancing life, all while my brain is not even fully developed yet. my cognitive and emotional processing skills aren't even close to being developed but i have to deal with suicidal thoughts, media pushing the idea that I'm mentally ill, internalised transphobia, constant harassment, transphobia from almost every single person in my life, feeling like a fucking freak for a chemical imbalance in my brain, and yet I STILL have to deal with normal teenage things like feeling ugly or struggling in school, and further yet I CANT TALK TO A SINGLE ADULT ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES ME OR SUPPORTS ME

• the cherry on top: there is absolutely nothing I can do about my situation until I turn 18, my only option is to suck it up and deal with it until either get actual help or end up killing myself

if you're an adult who thinks trans people are groomers/snowflakes/annoying/criminal, think about how your actions are impacting youth who are just trying to stay alive. you are not protecting children by making us wait longer for treatment or shielding us from supportive outlets. grow the fuck up. you're an adult, act like it. find something else to do with your life than attack an astronomically small minority of people.

[mlmxreader]

Hold Me Closer | Jesse Pinkman x trans!m!reader

@areyouwaiting asked: Guten Abend 😌

one “I know it’s really warm tonight, but I really need a cuddle” for a Jesse Pinkman x trans male reader please

Danke <33

summary: when you can't sleep at night, it turns out that you're not the only one effected by it.

tws: smoking, mentions of fear/anxiety and harm

You kicked the blanket off with the same amount of grace as a bull in a glassware shop, huffing and wiping sweat from your brow before you headed down to the kitchen; you grabbed a mug from the cupboard, chucked a few spoons of coffee in the mug, and clicked the kettle on so that it would boil, giving you time to roll yourself a cigarette as you leaned against the counter and squeezed your eyes tightly shut for a moment, trying to bite down a yawn but failing. Miserably. Your eyes watered and your jaw ached a little from it, and you couldn't ignore the dry feeling in your mouth afterwards, either; but you got lucky, as when you looked up, your boyfriend was just hopping up onto the side, his light blue jumper riding up slightly as he stretched and yawned and checked the clock. Four hundred hours. He sighed, licking his lips and glaring at you with those light blue eyes.

"Is it, like, a trans thing?"

You gave Jesse a quizzical look. "Huh?"

"Being up this late," he clarified. "If it is, and there's something I can help, you just have to say, yo."

You shook your head, lighting up your cigarette at last and daring to take a long and slow drag from it, letting the nicotine flood your veins. You wanted to laugh, but you were too tired to let it happen, all you could do was to smile. "No. Not as far as I know... I'm just warm and sweaty."

Jesse nodded, raking a hand through his hair as he scratched at his scalp and grumbled softly, chewing at the inside of his lip for a moment as he started to come to his senses; he had slept like shit recently, nightmares about what Walter White would do to you if he found out you were Jesse's boyfriend haunted him frequently, and worried him to no end. But he didn't speak about it, he didn't want you to worry as well; he wanted you to think everything was just fine, dandy and calm. Not that he was constantly worrying about your safety when it came to his so-called partner in crime; he thought about talking to Saul about it a few times, but he always ended up deciding against it in the end. If anyone would understand, if anyone would be able to make sure that you were safe, it would have been Mike - but Jesse hadn't gotten that desperate just yet.

Still, as he looked at you, he couldn't help but to smile; knowing you since you were both little kids, he had grown up with you, and he was more than proud and happy of the man you had become. He was more than proud of you, actually, and he had been there every step of the way and supporting your every decision when it came to your transition. Jesse was good like that, even if he wouldn't admit it himself. He always said he was a shitty boyfriend, even if his actions proved otherwise.

Jesse could hardly believe it, actually, that out of all the people in your life you could have been with, you had chosen him; even though he messed around in school, even though he had a troubled relationship with his family, even though his job was far from decent and was far from a nice one, even though he did awful things. You still loved him. You were a better man than he could ever be for that, he would've dumped himself and ran half a mile after the first month. But you stuck with him, every single day, glued to his side and unwavering in your support and your care of him. You were a far better man than he could ever be.

Smiling, Jesse held his arm out, and made a soft noise to tell you to come closer. "I know it's really warm tonight, but I really need a cuddle."

You smiled back, nodding as you cleared your throat. "Let me finish smoking and then I'll be with you, yeah?"

"Okay," he nodded, waiting patiently for you to finish your cigarette. The cup of coffee forgotten when you made your way over to him and stood between his legs, letting him drape his arms over you and rest his chin on top your head as he closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Thank you."

You didn't want to tell him that he was welcome, Jesse knew more than anyone that you didn't want thanks for being a decent boyfriend, and as you wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him a little closer, letting him wrap his legs around you, you couldn't stop the quiet hum that came from the back of your throat; if anyone knew your weakness, if anyone was the only person you wanted to see every single day, it was Jesse. You never wanted to be apart from him, you could hardly think about being away from him.

Truly, if you loved anyone at all in the world in the sense of romance, it was Jesse; it was the man who you had known since you were too young to even understand what two plus two meant, and who had grown beside you for all the years since. The memories that you often talked of together would never leave you, not in a thousand years; like when you were both twelve and he had been called into the headmaster's office at school for acting up, and you had barged your way in and spoke up for him, defended him until you, too, were in trouble. When you were fifteen and had just started dating, and he had snuck in through your window and had cuddled into you all night whilst you watched X Files together because he was having trouble with his parents and didn't want to be alone for the night. Helping him with his aunt, and laughing softly and nervously when she told you to hurry up and become his husband; she was the second person you had come out to, after Jesse, and had treated you with nothing but warmth and love. Ginny had always been good to you, and although you didn't say it all that much, you did miss her.

Clearing his throat, Jesse tried to wake himself up a little as he shook his head, but he was so tired that his eyes felt heavy and stung a little. "Can, uh, can we go to bed, now?"

You could feel it in your own bones, the ache of exhaustion and tiredness, the way it was so dull as it throbbed nearly endlessly, you nodded. "Yeah... you wanna be the little spoon?"

"Yeah."

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

[transfemarmin]

TRANS FEM MILES MORALES HCS:

a/n: if you have a problem with this harmless hc I honestly do not give a fuck “ he’s a boy!” okay nigga she’s gonna be a girl today.. if you try and start shit with me in MY comment section or MY inbox I will not hesitate to say something because the trans masc hc is received wonderfully but the transfem one isn’t, and it just shows people’s transphobia, so if you say ANYTHING, I will not only turn off anonymous comments but I will also say shit if necessary

when she first realized she was trans, she went by miley; other people assumed she just wanted her family to keep a piece of her forever, but honest she just liked miley cyrus

her name now is melody, because of her love of music, and how she was trying to love herself as a woman, she thought if she attempted to name herself that was something related to something she adored.. that she would start to feel more comfortable in her own skin.. it worked a little, the name ‘ melody’ made her happy, and it helped her with her dysphoria too

she came out to her mom first, and rio was confused, but not surprised. the kid she raised usually had girl friends, and liked to dress up in girl clothes. transgender was a new concept for rio, but she did research how to care for transgender kids, because since she didn’t understand much of it and didn’t want to be offensive.

jefferson was MAJORLY confused when he found out he had a daughter instead of what he thought, he was very open minded about it, and he was researching as well

jefferson adjusted well, he’s a normal father of a girl, doesn’t let her go outside of her dress is too short, or if she’s wearing a crop top.. if she has her jacket zipped up outside of winter time, he’s making her unzip it

“ hey…c’mere..”

he’d do that finger thing parents do when they want you to come close, melody would reluctantly come forward, standing in front of her father with a knowing look on her face,

“ you know what im gonna ask you.”

he said softly, pointing towards her zipped up jacket,

“ c’mon! dad.. im not wearing anything under here!” “ then you have no problem unzipping it.”

jefferson shrugged his shoulders, and melody sighed unzipping her jacket, showing the spaghetti strap tank top she had on under the jacket. jefferson looked over the outfit his daughter had on and gave a nod of approval,

“ keep that jacket at least halfway zipped up.”

she wasn’t gonna lie and say she enjoyed that one thing about being a girl, but it did make her smile when she got a moment to herself.. because it meant her father saw her as his daughter.

her bonnet is pink, and she absolutely loves it

she doesn’t get her eyelashes done, she lets mascara do the job, because she’d rather spend fourteen dollars.. than possibly a couple hundred for longer lashes, she does get her eyebrows threaded though

she isn’t a girl that over lines her lips when doing makeup, her lips are already full and plump so she lines them the shape they normally are, she does black or brown liner.. depends on the day.

clear and pink lipgloss are her go tos.

she felt a little embarrassed, the first few days of being trans as spiderwoman, because she’d have to correct villains when they addressed her with he/him instead of she/her… surprisingly.. a good portion of them respected her wishes and apologized

the first time she got her hair done, she had gotten butterfly locs, and it felt weird.. having her hair done.. when she was so used to her afro, and it hurt.. as she was extremely tender-headed… but she liked it, she liked it more than she originally thought she might’ve.

her favorite colors to get when she gets butterfly locs or distressed locs are normally black.. but now she adds either a few blonde highlights.. because she misses gwen.. a few pink ones.. again because she misses gwen.. or maybe red because of her spider suit.

PART 2.. COMING SOON

[moregraceful]

On hiatus for the length of time it took to pass between one Cuda game and one Sharks win....I mean truly.

Spiritually this is a livejournal post but sadly we're on tumblr so I'm just turning reblogs off and calling it a day.

Gave a sermon today about being trans and how there are trans children and youth at our church that the church is failing by their inaction and their disaffection and I was so fucking steamed about having to give it because I'm tired of being the token trans guy. The grandfather of a youth group kid who disclosed to me that they are trans but were so worried about telling their grandparents came up to me after service and told me he thought it was a really important message and that he was glad I am part of the life of the church. So that unfortunately made it all worthwhile and I will probably be strong-armed into being tokenized again in future services.

Stuff blew up at work and there's a huge org-wide mess and everyone is so afraid I will run away screaming and they keep telling me that things will get better. I'm just here like, this barely scratches the surface of the shit I had to put up with at the library, I know you all are upset and of course you have a right to be but this does not even begin to touch the level of toxicity I was accustomed to for 10 years. People keep telling me like they want to soothe me that the actions the board of directors have taken means that they're taking [x allegations] really seriously and are committed to change. And I'm like ???? There was zero manager oversight at any library I have ever worked at and no one in management gave a shit about my well-being, emotional or physical. I have zero concept of what a normal, functional, non-exploitative workplace looks like. You're fine.

I have to make a decision about grad school soon because the deadline for next semester is rapidly approaching and I'm stressed about it. I took time off this summer after I got parvo and then the fall because I was dealing with some other stuff, and now I have to decide whether to go back. It's really a too many interests, not enough time in the day thing, and I am fully aware that if I pick up grad school without dropping one of my substantial commitments (LIKE A JOB) I will have a nervous breakdown. Meanwhile one of my jobs that was supposed to be short term and project-based asked if I could work on another project next Spring and possibly next summer too. I want to do it because I enjoy it a lot. It's also the kind of thing that this grad program would help with, but I cannot have three jobs that require a lot of compassion and relational work on top of the actual job requirements, and then also attend an intense grad school program that broke my brain. I will have a nervous breakdown, when not if. My mom gave me the first good piece of advice she's given me in years and told me to talk to my academic advisor at the school and see what she thinks. It's a very good idea to be honest with my academic advisor about my commitments and my capabilities but I do not know this woman well enough to have idea how she will advise me. Probably tell me to drop something. Everybody tells me to drop something.

Sadly after this summer's debacle of being fired without being fired, I think some part of me has a pathological desire to never sit still and feel meaningless ever again, but unfortunately I seem to have taken that in the opposite direction to an extreme and now have three jobs + two churches on top of juggling hockey games + ice skating lessons + trying to keep up with local friends combined with my birth mom's cancer treatment. I'm thinking of changing my work schedule again and my boss is going to hate it because she hates when I don't get a weekend day, but she's leaving soon. I rarely get a full day off right now anyway. Currently I work four days a week for 30 hours a week with one 9 hour day, two 8.5 hour days, and one 4 hour day, but I think one 8 hour, three 6 hour, and one 4 hour might be more sustainable for everything I want to do in life. two 8+ hour wfh days + one 9 hour driving-all-over-the-bay-area day are a slog and trying to manage that on top of two other jobs is causing me to consistently miss (self-imposed) deadlines for my other more part-time jobs and not be as present as I'd like to be for basically everything and everyone. idk. I'm trying to think of it in terms of load management. Maybe I lose having a full day off, but on the other hand I have will probably more energy at night to keep up with everything I want to keep up with at night, including jobs, including friends, including being creative. I think I'll ask her this week. Leverage how toxic(????????) everyone seems to believe this place is with the concept of "Kasper has energy to do things at night that he wants to do and gets enough rest to be able to focus on a job he genuinely enjoys and also gets healthcare and dental from in the day."

Like....life this is it, honestly.

[timeagainreviews]

The Eve-ish of Season One-ish

During the early ‘90s, the comic book industry went through a bit of a boom. Speculators were buying up stacks of comics that might one day put their kids through college. Eager to meet the frothing demand of buyers, the comics industry responded with bagged, foiled, embossed, holographic, and even glow-in-the-dark covers guaranteed to be collector’s items. Many long-running titles were reset to issue one, giving new readers a less intimidating jumping-on point. While the comic book bubble eventually popped, the practice of rebranding runs back to issue one continues to this day. With Doctor Who rebranding this new series as “season one,” it’s safe to say that, once again, the show is taking another page from the Marvel playbook.

If you wanted to be cynical, you could say the re-branding comes more from necessity than accessibility. HBO Max had the streaming rights to Doctor Who (2005). But this is Doctor Who (2023) of which Disney+ has exclusive rights. This goes hand in hand with Russell T Davies’ courting of the House of Mouse, along with the very controversial new release schedule which many have complained seems to favour an American audience. While Americans will be able to watch “tonight’s” premiere in a primetime time slot, British audiences will be forced to either stay up well past midnight or wait until tomorrow. Usually, when I write these articles ahead of premieres, it is the evening before but this new scheduling throws that all out of wack.

Longtime readers will remember me saying at one point that Doctor Who should go to Disney. While I plan to write a follow-up article rectifying and even arguing against some of my own points, the fact is, it still came true. I even suggested a musical episode, which has already come true and possibly again with “The Devil’s Chord.” I even called the plot of the Timeless Children as far back as my review of “The Ghost Monument.” It’s almost like I’ve got a TARDIS of my own, or my finger is so on the pulse of Doctor Who that I can feel the four beats of its rhythm as I type these prophetic words. Or maybe I just pay attention. Either way, you should definitely stick around to read my thoughts ahead of Doctor Who season one as they're bound to come true. (Joking, of course.)

Russell T Davies

What can be said about RTD that hasn’t been said already? The man has left his mark on the history of the show, what more could he possibly do? Well if you’re Chibnall stan, that’s exactly the question on which a lot of their arguments have hinged. Many people seem to think of his reinstatement as showrunner as a step back for the show. Some believe he was appointed as a filler after the contentious Chibnall era. Some say he’s too woke now. Others say he’s problematic. While I do agree that his handling of trans issues was clumsy, I also believe his heart is in the right place. However, I have a couple of concerns with RTD in his present form.

Firstly, I have to ask, was there no one else for the job? After Moffat left, the BBC have had difficulty finding someone willing and able to take over the show. Chris Chibnall always felt like he took the job almost as a favour to the BBC. I find it hard to believe that Russell T Davies was the only showrunner they could find. He feels like a safe bet, and in more ways than Chibnall ever did, a stopgap. It feels like the BBC doesn’t really understand what Doctor Who needs, and therefore has a hard time finding the people capable of delivering those things, outside of proven entities like RTD and Steven Moffat, both of whom are returning this year in some capacity. The BBC is pushing for diversity, but couldn’t think of a single woman or person of colour to showrun Doctor Who? 

Secondly, I wish he would chill the fuck out. I mentioned diversity, and while I do appreciate Doctor Who’s first official trans companion and what is looking like the queerest TARDIS crew yet, I wish the show would get back to basics- good writing. They keep going on about how controversial the new season is going to be, and I’m so damn tired. I’m tired of defending the show to conservative chuds who think a woman Doctor is going to make their dick fall off. I’m tired of watching showrunners pull a muscle from patting themselves on the backs for their progressive stance. I don’t want you to scare away those conservative chuds, I want you to prove them wrong. I want them to see these things can work when they’re written well. We just went through five years of people thinking bad writing was confirmation that a woman can’t be the Doctor. I’m glad you want to represent people like me on screen, now please do something with it.

Ncuti Gatwa as the Doctor

It’s hard not to be excited for Ncuti Gatwa. He’s got a magnetism that draws your attention the moment he’s onscreen. It’s still far too early in his run to have a definite impression as to what kind of Doctor he’ll be. So far, his portrayal of the Doctor has a warmth and cheekiness about him. He’s mirthful if not a bit mercurial. Gatwa has even referred to his Doctor as “slutty,” which I definitely see and appreciate. I also love that he sees this as a trait he shares with the Third Doctor, which is both a strange and astute observation. Furthermore, he and Pertwee’s Doctors share a commonality by wearing less of a costume and more of a wardrobe. My only qualm in Gatwa’s case is that his wardrobe could use a little more consistency. However, you could argue that the Doctors only ever need to dress like themselves, as opposed to in a certain style. 

We’re in a good place with Nctui Gatwa moving forward. He’s had a stellar introduction and received quite a positive response from fans. Judging from his performance in Sex Education, we know he’s capable of a wide range of emotions. What little we’ve seen of his Doctor has shown us that he’s capable of being a bizarre yet dashing alien hero. He’s also managed to find a fresh approach to a character played by over a dozen people before him, which is impressive, to say the least. Whether he’ll become my new fave or not is yet to be seen, but that hardly matters. What matters most is that he’s the Doctor here and now. 

Millie Gibson as Ruby Sunday

This is a weird one to write about. Had you caught me right after “The Church on Ruby Road,” I’d have told you how excited I was for Ruby’s character. Millie Gibson plays her with an adorable charm and she’s clearly a great partner for Gatwa’s brand of crazy sexy cool. But now we’ve seen rumours that she’ll be replaced by Varada Sethu halfway through season two. The BBC and RTD both responded (a bit late) to rumours that she’s being replaced and that they’ll both be companions at the same time, but it feels as though Ruby Sunday is coming to an end just as we’re getting to know her.

I would also like to circle back to how poorly the BBC handled the rumours surrounding Gibson’s departure. She’s a very young actress who may or may not have been fired from a high-profile role early in her career. Even if this is not true, the rumour mill was running amok and the BBC was mum on the subject for weeks. That kind of stigma could follow an up-and-coming actor’s career for years, labelling them as difficult. It’s like they learned nothing from their experiences with Christopher Eccleston.

While the Andor fan in me is very excited by the prospect of Varada Sethu’s tenure in the TARDIS, I’m still trying to remain enthusiastic for Ruby Sunday. Already they’ve shown her character to be compassionate and a bit adorkable. I’m not incredibly interested in the mystery surrounding her character’s birth mother as it feels very Moffaty. I’ve always felt like Davies’ strongest work with companions was his ability to ground them emotionally, and not in making their past a mystery to be solved by some man. I’m more interested in her relationship with her family than some hooded woman doing her best impression of the Jodie Whittaker reveal trailer. Like I said, a return to basics would be greatly appreciated.

Magic Maestros and Monsters

The introduction of mysticism and mystery has been a welcome addition to Doctor Who. When you watch classic stories such as “The Daemons,”  “Image of the Fendhal,” or “Pyramids of Mars,” it’s hard not to imagine there’s not some sort of mystical force at work. Even the stygian witches of “The Shakespeare Code,” seemed to tap into words with a degree of magic. Magic feels oddly at home for Doctor Who. However, you could also argue that the introduction of mysticism to Doctor Who oddly demystifies some of its greater mysteries. When the Doctor couldn’t explain something with science or alien interference, we were left to speculate. But now- a wizard did it.

As I said in my review of “The Church on Ruby Road,” the introduction of magic and superstition places the Doctor in a unique position where he’s a bit out of his depth. One qualm I’ve had with the Whittaker era was how her Doctor was rarely confused. It’s nice then that we’re entering a new era where the Doctor must learn to adapt. It’s now possible for an evil drag queen to force people into an all-singing, all-dancing, chorus line of death. Awesome. Maybe we’ll also see some monsters from the past revealed to be actual magic beings. Perhaps the Fendahl are more than creepy worms, but something far more mystical. Maybe Sutekh the Destroyer really is a god. The introduction of magic doesn’t just have to affect the future of the show, but the past as well. Just wait until the Daleks start pulling rabbits out of hats.

Dinsey+ Supremacy

I regret ever saying Doctor Who should go to Disney. At the time, I was making an argument that Disney is a good fit for Doctor Who because they would give it the budget and attention that it deserves. But Disney also introduces a troubling element into Doctor Who’s future- ownership rights. Historically, Doctor Who writers have maintained copyright over the characters they create. Because of this, any time someone at the BBC wants to use Sontarans, they have write a cheque to the Holmes estate. People like Lawrence Miles are free to develop the Faction Paradox outside of the Doctor Who novels where it began. And occasionally, we get a movie about Sil or a crappy K9 tv show nobody watched. The point is, Disney doesn’t do this. Should the mouse get his greedy mitts on the show, do you really see writers maintaining ownership over their creations? Say goodbye to fanmade charity books from Obverse Books or Mad Norwegian Press. Say hello to an even higher bar of restriction for new writers and artists to join the ranks of books and audios.

Is this the secret reason why they are pivoting toward a more magical rogues gallery of monsters? Are we being fed a new line of villains while Disney works on snatching up the rights to Sontarans and Daleks? Will they begin phasing out the characters that are holdouts from their original copyright owners? They say the BBC still owns the rights to Doctor Who. They say Disney only has streaming rights in exchange for budget funding. But RTD also said the BBC is in shambles. He also said the future of Doctor Who is in good hands. I fear that those hands are the gloved hands of Mickey Mouse. The show looks and feels better than it has in years, but its future feels dangerously close to becoming content. I want Doctor Who as written by this year’s winner of the Paul Spragg Memorial Contest, not Doctor Who as written by committee. 

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Whumptober Day 22 (BAU x transmale reader)

No. 22 PICK YOUR POISON

Toxic | Withdrawal | Allergic Reaction

ALT: Ambushed

(there will be a part two fo this!)

Warnings: transphobia (from a load of people, it's the main theme), deadnaming (D/N), the t-slur/trans slur/(tr**ny) used once, outing, misgendering, probably hate crime tbh, please let me know if I've missed anything

PLEASE DON’T READ IF YOU FIND THESE THEMES/WARNING UPSETTING

Word count: 2696

No one missed the looks you received when you walked into the precinct. It was your hometown, a typical small town with its typical small-town views and beliefs. You, however, had become accustomed to these looks. Particularly those who worked at the station. When you came out and started your transition (despite the strong words and opinions of your parents), it was as though the town had frozen you out. No one would speak to you unless they had to, no one would approach you, sure, you even got beaten up a few times. You were dreading this case to say the least. 

“Why do they keep glaring at you?” Spencer mumbled as he walked close to you.

“I was a smart mouthed kid,” You whispered back, finding the best excuse you could, “And this is a stereotypical small town - they have nothing else better to do than gossip,”

What made everything ten times worse was that the team didn’t even know. You didn’t write it on your application, fearing that if you did, you wouldn’t get the job - or the team would treat you differently. You had planned to tell them you were transgender, of course, but the right time had never surfaced and you were in too deep now. You’d just have to be stealth until you retired from the FBI. And if that’s the way it went, then hey, that would be okay. 

You knew Spencer didn’t believe you, but he didn’t comment on it either, which you’d take as a win. You had a feeling you were going to need all the wins you could get with this case. 

“Officer Hart is currently working this case, so you’ll be working closely with him, if that’s alright?”

You look at the officer, the name feeling familiar and your heart jumps. Standing in front of you with a wide smirk is your high school bully, Seth Hart. You mentally groan. Just your luck. And judging by his widening smirk, he recognises you. 

“That’s perfect,” Hotch said politely before turning to you, “(Y/N), do you know Officer Hart?”

You nod, about to answer, when Seth cuts in, “Oh, yes, (Y/N) and I go way back,” He emphasises your name and it makes you feel sick. You should probably just pretend to be sick and spend the rest of the case at the hotel. 

When the team had found out that you grew up here, they had immediately asked to meet your family, curious as to who raised the Fabulous (Y/N) (Garcia’s words). The whole team had joined for the case, Garcia included. When they had asked, after a moment you agreed. Instantly regretting it, but able to go back on your decision. Although you were trying your best to come up with an excuse, but you could worry about that later. Your current problem was staring straight at you. 

Hotch, sensing the tension, nods, “Good,” He says, “I’m sure that will be helpful for the case,”

It had been hours since you all were introduced, after checking the scenes, going over the files again, flicking through suspects, you were all worn out. 

“Alright, everyone, lunch break,” Hotch declares, looking up from the file, as he turns to you, “(Y/N), any recommendations?”

You pause, thinking for a moment before nodding. “There’s a diner not too far from here,” You said. 

“Vamoose to the cars,” Rossi cheers. 

You give directions from the back, anxiety building up in your chest as you do. ‘They probably won’t even recognise you’ You tell yourself. It does little to calm you down and soon enough, you’re there. 

“Ugh, she’s back,” You turn your head in the voice’s direction, holding back a smirk when you see the woman. 

“Janice,” You said curtly, “Still a joy to be around I see,”

You’re behind the rest of the group and they’re too caught up in chatter to have noticed or heard the conversation, which you were grateful for. You were going to make it out of the case without the team finding out you were trans if it was the last thing you did. 

When you’ve all chosen your seats and have gotten settled (you sat in a booth by the window), you realise you need the toilet. You announce it with a huff before standing and making your way over. It was still in view of the team, but quite a trek away. 

“Sorry, you can’t go in there,” Your stomach drops and you pause at the door. Turning, you see Mr Miles, your eleventh grade science teacher. “It’s mens,” He says, pointing at the stick figure on the toilet with ‘MEN’ written under it. 

“What do you want me to say?” You ask, “Well done for reading?” Mr Miles glares, stepping closer to you. 

“You’re not a man.”

“Listen, I get it, you’re insecure about your masculinity, but that’s no excuse to take that out on other people. You’re getting on in years, it’s completely normal to be insecure about your little soldier at your age,” You were exhausted and had no energy to waste on people like him. “Now, I suggest we both go our separate ways. If you don’t want me in your bathroom, wait until I’ve left.”

You walk into the bathroom with a smirk. 

When you exit the bathroom, a waitress is standing there, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” She says, folding her arms. You raise your eyebrows.

“Excuse me?” 

“You’re making customers uncomfortable,”

“Whatever,” You say with a laugh. You walk past her with a scoff, going up to the table the team were sitting at and you take your seat. You knew this wasn’t going to go well. 

You see the waitress talking to the manager. The team gives you a questioning look and you try your best to look innocent and shrug it off. And then the manager walks up to the table. 

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” He says. 

“What, why?” Hotch asks from next to you.

“No you, just-” His eyes flick to you, “You.”

“Why does he have to leave?” Morgan asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“Making customers uncomfortable,” He’s not using pronouns and it makes you bite back a smile. These people were the pettiest people you have ever met. 

“Right,” You say sarcastically, “Yet he was the one trying to get a sneak peak of my dick,” Had you had bottom surgery? No. Did they need to know that? No. 

The team’s jaws drop. “Leave willingly or we will forcibly remove you.”

“He’s an FBI agent-” Hotch argues.

“An FBI agent making multiple customers uncomfortable.”

“How?” Prentiss questions. 

“Alright, I’m leaving,” You say, beginning to stand up. Garcia grabs your arm, preventing you. 

“No, you’re not.” She says.

“It’s fine,” You lie, turning to the team. “I’ll meet you back at the station,” The team tries to protest but you shake your head, “No, it’s fine, I’ll grab something on the way back. By the way, the burger’s really good,” 

With that, you stand up and begin to make your way out of the diner. You’re shaking and you can’t remember ever being this angry. You’re getting a headache from the built up rage. 

You see Mr Miles smirking and waving at you as you leave. You respond with a sarcastic smile and the middle finger - watching as his face fills with rage. Old prick. 

You’re out of the diner, about to make your way back to the station when the team catches up. You close your eyes. “What was that about?” Spencer asks curiously.

You give a tightlipped smile, “Nothing,” You say, “Just-”

“You were a smart mouthed kid?” Spencer adds, referencing the lie from before. You nod. 

“You got kicked out of the diner for being smart mouthed as a kid?” Morgan asks. You nod.

“I don’t want to talk about it, can we just grab some food and get back to work?”

After a moment of studying you, Hotch nods, “Alright. But we will be talking about this later,” You repress a groan as you quickly nod.

Spencer’s sat next to you on the drive back and he’s keeping a close eye on you. So was Morgan (through the rearview mirror) and Garcia (from the passenger’s seat). Emily, Rossi, Hotch, and JJ were all in the other SUV. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Morgan asks as he takes a left. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You respond, “You need to take a right,”

It was near the end of the case, you could feel it. It was that awkward plateau before all the answers flooded in and you solved it. You were in the break room, grabbing a coffee for you (and Spencer, who looked like he hadn’t slept in a week). You hummed to yourself as you made it, you were the only one in the room so you felt comfortable enough to do so. 

The door opened and closed quietly behind you and you stopped humming but continued to make the coffees, currently waiting on the machine. 

“Do your team even know?” You roll your eyes, turning to face Seth.

“Do my team even know what, Seth?” You ask. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” Stepping closer to you as he spoke, Seth sneered, “How are they gonna feel when they realise that you aren’t the person they thought you are? That you aren’t the person that they tolerate?”

You gulped, “Seth, shut up,”

“How can you expect your team to trust you, if they don’t even know you, huh?” You shoved him back when he went to touch your shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” You growled, you pointed a finger at him. “My team can trust me, they do trust. I have proven myself over and over again. So what they don’t know every damn thing about me? They don’t need to know everything about me to trust that I can do my job!”

"What's going on?" Your stomach dropped. Hotch. You turned around, seeing the team behind you. 

Seth snickered, “Nowhere to run now, (Y/N),” Breath hit the back of your throat. You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Say something.

Say something, damnit! They’re all staring at you, waiting for you to reply. What do you say? You need to say something. 

“If you trust them so much, tell them. Go on, tell them pinochio. Tell them that you aren’t a real boy after all.” Seth laughs.

You open your mouth, ready to come up with a shitty excuse, yet another lie.  “I-”

You flush deeply at the laughter behind you, “God, this is just pathetic. How about I spell it out for you?” He suggested, “Since you can’t seem to do so yourself.” He turned to the team, whose faces were all painted with confusion. “She’s a girl. Woman. Female. A tranny.” Seth placed a hand over his chest as he gasped loudly. 

You feel your hands start to tremble, you shake your head - trying your best to blink back tears, “Stop,”

“Not that big tough FBI agent now, are you (D/N)?” The first tear falls causing Seth to taunt you with his smirk, “Oh this is just pathetic,” 

You’re not sure whether you want to hit him or run and hide away from the world for the rest of your life. You’re tempted to hit him and then hide away. Luckily for you, your legs are way ahead of your brain and you run, the team too surprised to chase you. Well, until Morgan snaps out of it and tries to run after you. You weave in and out of the buildings expertly, this wasn’t the first time you had to hide from someone. Although, you doubted that Morgan would hurt you. You didn’t have that doubt about Seth and his friends when you were growing up. You hide behind a dumpster and Morgan runs straight past you, you go undetected in the opposite direction. 

You’ve been out of the station for hours, it’s dark now. You can still see where you’re going, granted that’s mostly because of the dull street lights, but you can see well enough. You had left your phone at the station, knowing that the first thing Hotch would do is get Garcia to track it. You didn’t want to be found. You didn’t want to see the look of disappointment and judgement on your team’s face. You couldn’t deal with that. You had dealt with that your whole life and now all you wanted was a family and that’s what you had found here. All you wanted to do was find somewhere you fit in, where you could be who you really were and this team was the closest you had gotten to that and now it had been ripped away. 

You found the spot you used to hide in when you were young with ease. First floor of an abandoned building no one ever went in. Some teenagers a few years older than you started a rumour that it was haunted and since then, no one enters it. 

-

Glaring at Seth, Hotch walks forward. Seth coward at the glare. “Where would (Y/N) go?”

Seth gave a half-assed shrug, “Why do you care anyway?”

“He’s our family,” Rossi answered. “Where would he go?”

“Some stupid abandoned building,” Seth muttered after a second. 

“Perfect, sounds like you know where it is,” Prentiss said sharply. 

-

You sat in the corner, scowling at the wall opposite you. Seth had just ruined everything. Everything was gone. You shouldn’t have even come on this case. You should have pretended you were ill, or something! You groaned, letting your head fall back on the wall behind you. “This is just shit,” You mumbled. You kind of wished you had brought your phone with you so you could at least play Candy Crush or something. 

Your head snapped up, hearing a floorboard creak and you shot to your feet. Part of you expecting it to be Sean and his friends before you shove that thought aside. Hotch walks in first, followed swiftly by the rest of your team and your heart plummets, expecting the worst. 

“I told Hart that if he misgenders or deadnames you again, Derek will shoot him,” Garcia says, stepping forward to embrace you in a tight hug, which you gladly reciprocate. 

“You’re okay with it?” You mumble into her shoulder.

“We all are,” She replied, rubbing a hand up your back. “I promise. Look, we’re all okay with it, right guys?” 

“Of course!”

“We support you no matter what,”

“We’re family,”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” You grinned. 

“Come on, let’s get back to the station, I’m starving,” Garcia said.

Hotch nodded, “I’d like to try out that diner, I hear the burgers there are great.”

“I’m not allowed in, remember?”

Rossi patted your back with a grin, “Don’t you worry about that, kiddo,”

When the case was wrapped up, you sighed, turning to the team. “You still wanna meet the family?”

“We don’t have to-” JJ began, you shook your head.

“No, it’s fine, we’ve pretty much all met each other’s parents at this point,” You said with a laugh. “It’s my sister’s birthday and I don’t want to miss another one,” You and your sister, Clara, had always been close. She was the only one who supported you throughout your transition and you had managed to keep in contact, (despite your parents’ wishes). She was the only family member you kept in contact with. 

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Spencer commented.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me,” You said mysteriously, you all gave a short laugh. “Besides, it’s only round the corner anyway,”

With that, you began the car journey - Derek had let you drive. Turns out, getting outed did have it’s benefits. Within five minutes you’re out the car and walking down a road. 

“This is it,” You said, pausing in front of the door. You hadn’t been here since you left for university. It would be fine, your team was here.

With a deep breath, you knocked on the door. 

[doberbutts]

I think it's also wild the way people assume the stealth experience is roses and butterflies. I went stealth+DL about being gay for about 2 years at work in order to be able to work in a trade where people generally skew extremely homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic. I had been on T long enough to pass reliably so I thought, ok, cool, this is where my life as a Normal Guy kicks in, this is where I get to flex the old Male Privilege and work in an industry culture that is toxic to everyone but cishet men.

and I mean yeah, materially? I did okay in my profession, I was good at what I did. People were pretty chill to me because my only major flaw to them was being the New Kid, a problem that eased with time. I did have a female coworker who I learned dealt with some hazing that I didn't. I will say, in that particular situation, I had some privilege over her since my sexist coworkers never said anything to me the way they said shit to her.

but here's the thing - I still heard all of it. The gross misogynistic things they were saying were not meant to be about me, but they sure as hell were anyway.

but oh, boo hoo, I had to hear remarks, but you know, I didn't face any actual barriers or opposition right? yeah, okay, I guess not, and I'm not saying it would have been better to be out in this scenario, or to be a woman, but there's a reason I ended up leaving that field. walking into work and feeling like - no, knowing - you have to lie to all your coworkers and your boss every single day or else they'll hate you and treat you like shit is not a great feeling. you never have a truly good day when that is always at the back of your mind no matter what. you never develop genuine friendships or connections at work if they're all built on lies.

I ended up getting so burned out. it was a good job, a union job, and I was making a good income. I had a path upwards to make *great* income if I had stuck with it long-term. but I ended up leaving it for a non-union job at a younger company, with a more "hip" HR culture that seemed like maybe I would be in a better place emotionally. I took a pay cut to do that too. but a lot of my new coworkers had the same attitudes as my old ones - the first week I was there, one of the other employees went around the shop asking each person, "if Kylie Jenner was trans, as in, used to be a man, would you still fuck her?" and most people, including the fucking foreman, said "fuck no." I ended up saying something like "it makes no difference to me, sure, fine, she's not my type anyway" (having to not reveal I was trans and also not reveal that I prefer men), and right in that moment I realized this wouldn't be a place I could be open either, and it would feel the same as the old place.

so the burnout for that job came much quicker. I quit after only a couple of months. I did actually end up telling the HR manager why, given that this company actually had one, but she was the only person at the job who ever knew I was trans (since she saw it on my background check anyway).

so yeah like, being stealth at work? it's not a privilege. it's a defense mechanism, and it feels like shit. you feel every transphobic and misogynistic barb even if it's not meant for you. one could argue that I would have never even been able to get those jobs if I were out, and yeah, maybe, that's possible, but I had female coworkers at both places. And yeah, one could also argue that, in terms of pay, I was likely doing better than my female coworkers. And you might be right about that if I hadn't gotten burnt out and quit before having a chance to build up any kind of seniority. But instead I took pay cut after pay cut until I finally decided to put my life in full reverse and go back to college - where I had struggled severely due to mental illness, and still do - since trades were clearly not the place for me.

I'm just really sick of people who have never actually lived what it's like to have that "male privilege" of being a stealth trans man deciding it's just the great, most ideal way you can exist as a trans person. I'm sure there are some stealth trans men who were able to adapt to that environment that I wasn't. but at what fucking cost?

I have a friend who worked a military job training the bomb dogs. He is 100% stealth to the point where even people who know, who have seen him naked and even had sex with him, often forget that he's transgender and why he has that barrier of access to some things if he wants to remain stealth.

The type of shit that people would just. Say to him. And he was always having to balance saying something or keeping quiet so as not to draw too much attention to his status as transgender. He was provided room and board by his job and thus lived with 5-6 similarly aged cis men in the same house and the amount of dodging them and biting his tongue he had to do to just to survive... And the job wouldn't be chill if they found out, the talk he'd heard made it very clear that he was at all times operating with a noose around his neck ready to tighten at the very first infraction.

Anyway that's what passing privilege is. Is your life somewhat better because you pass well enough that no one questions you? I mean I guess technically. But what happens in the mean time to your mental health? Having to hide large aspects of yourself and constantly worrying and looking over your shoulder to make sure no one is looking too hard at your hips or your hands or your chest. My friend is post-op. He's "done", so to speak, outside of taking testosterone. And yet this was still something he had to keep in mind.

He ended up leaving that job due to some Stupid Workplace Bullshit unrelated to his gender status but he told me that honestly it was also a huge sigh of relief. The money he got was great but it was corroding his soul to stay. He ended up taking a pay cut and working elsewhere that he is still stealth but no longer feels like he's got an axe to his neck in every interaction.

[zoomzooomfast]

Style things in my SP AU

 so because I am normal about Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski I have a Bunch of headcanons around them mostly in high school and older that I haven't stopped thinking about for 3 weeks 

- Stan and Kyle are Both Bisexual and there TfT and Kyle is a trans man and Stan is Non-binary and uses They/He pronouns 

-In High school Stan Played Football and Lacrosse and Kyle played basketball and Figure Skated 

-Stan had a varsity jacket he just refused to own or wear it himself but he always had his partners waring them with Kyle ending up being the permeant owner once they graduated 

-Kyle dated Wendy for a bit in high school where Stan ended up having an executional crisis where he wondered if they were gay and he dated craig for a few months and then he dated Kenny for a bit after that. Then Stan had a mental breakdown to Wendy and Wendy told him if Kyle is cool with it we can be poly

-Kyle was cool with it and the 3 of them where together till Wendy broke up with both of them because they seemed better being just the two of them. 

-All of the core 4 ended up going to Denver for collage and the 4 shared a 3 bed apartment where even though Cartman and Kenny knew Stan and Kyle were dating they both came up with stupid reasons why they shared a room

-After they graduated collage Gerald offered to get Kyle a house of which he took up fast and Then Kyle and Stan lived together there for a while

-But Stans things that made Them fun in collage became a problem and Kyle was sick of him. Kyle kicked Stan out and told him if he can get himself together then he can come back into Kyles life

-Stan left South Park after that for 6 or 7 years just living in different places around Colorado 

-Kyle during this span of time got Married to a childhood friend Rebecca who no one in his family liked she was to quite for anyone in Kyles family or life to like her. They had there Son  Ezekiel “Zeke” Rebecca hated the nickname. The marriage lasted about a year and half after Zeke was born.

-The marriage ended when Kyle came home from work one day to find a letter from Rebecca saying that she was a lesbian and has been having an affair with a woman and left him to live her best cottagecore lesbian life.

-Kyle had a full mental breakdown with him ending up resining from his job and staying home most of the day high and drunk watching a box set of red racer that Craig gave to Kyle for Zeke 

-Luck for Kyle this around the time Stan felt like he got his life together he was a little shocked when they showed up to Kyles house to see his best friend who he knew as the level headed psychologist both high and drunk in a weird way it remined Stan of there dad.

-Stan instantly developed a connection with 2 year old Zeke. And because of that Stan knew he need to help Kyle get his life together starting with getting Kyle somewhere to go so he wouldn't just drink and smoke

-From Stan just trying to keep Kyle Sober and busy by just running around Kyle learned that he was going to have a second child and that caused a less fun round of  a mental breakdown 

-Kyle ended up working as a secretary for his dad till his daughter Tabitha was born and then Kyle felt the need to get back to having real job. So Kyle applies to be the elementary schools counselor which he got

-Stan very happily took up Kyles offer of watch my kids and you can live here rent free

-Shelia comes over a lot to help Stan with cooking and to just be able to talk to her sons partner because Stan would actually speak. The first time Shelia came over she asked Stan about an engagement ring and what season him and Kyle want to get married in. Stan was there was what where just friends we haven't dated in years. Shelia had to sit down and go back over everything that Stan and Kyle have done in just the past 11-ish months. and if Stan was sure they weren't engaged or hell even married yet given that Stan is in reality just a housewife

-Stans “Proposal” as just Stan sitting in a chair in Kyles living room asking if he could be Kyles “House Husband” and giving him a ring that Shelia gave to stan saying that Kyle would like it. and He did, Kyle also played it as very chill

-After Stan Fell asleep Kyle went to the kitchen and Sobbed over the Phone to Ike

I don't have the between of them Getting married and Zeke being 12/13 years so thats all I got 

[roxyoulikeahurricane]

Some trans Max hcs because I have soiled my brain

Max has a severe phobia of needles, so obviously Laura, a literal to-be vet, does his t-shots for him and it’s so very... “Quit squirming, Max”  “I’m sorry can you just get it over with?” “I can’t get it over with if you don’t sit still” “Well I’m sorry b- OW! A little warning next time?”

If Laura isn’t available during their weeks at camp (i.e. she’s busy doing her job or something) Max gets Dylan to do them for him which is...just has nightmarish

Dylan repeatedly counts down but always does it at a random number so Max never knows when it’s coming, but Dylan isn’t as worried about precision as Laura so he doesn’t worry as much about Max squirming

Max got top surgery as a 18th birthday gift; his parents, Laura, and her parents all chipped in for the costs. He was very excited for the first summer with his scars as well, like insanely

One of the campers obviously asked about said scars but before he could reply, Dylan jumped in with some fake as hell story about Max fighting off a bear with his bare hands

Max didn’t even argue, just flatly agreed that’s what happened thinking the kids wouldn’t believe it until a few days later when he discovers a lot of the little kids believed it and started asking him about the fight and asking if he could beat Jacob in a fight too if he was strong enough to fight a bear

You can pry childhood friends/high school sweethearts Laura/Max from my cold dead hands so...Laura’s known him since long before his transition. She was a little confused and caught off guard when he came out, but they’ve always been there for each other so what else was she supposed to do? She goes super research mode and reads everything she can online from like medical and psychology articles to real life posts and blogs and books and stuff about trans people because she wants to be there for Max and understand what he’s dealing with and who he is as much as she can

She texts Max in the middle of the night asking about things he hasn’t even considered yet or about famous people he hasn’t heard of

She’s a little much when it comes to these things and her support and it throws Max off sometimes just how much she can be, but it means a lot to him that she cares this much and it gives him a really sturdy support system and someone to help him figure things out alongside him

It was definitely Laura’s idea to set up that first appointment for top surgery for his bday and even if she personally may not be loaded with cash, she wanted to chip in whatever she could into paying for it all

Laura probably also helped him pick a name, lotta baby name websites or pointing out names in movies or shows

Max was more or less a joke-y suggestion, but Max himself was also pretty confident Maximus from Gladiator was based on a real roman general and thought it was badass and cool

They had a whole discussion similar to the columbus one at the start of the game about Laura trying to explain that Maximus wasn’t a real person but Max swearing he was

Obviously Laura won, she googled it herself and showed the proof to him, but by then they’d spent so much time on the name and all and it just...stuck? He still liked it and now he had a nice real memory attached to it, it was the perfect name