#or maybe i'm just now realizing my very limited personal perspective

[chaoticmessofmymind]

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work I'm realizing goes into creative writing, lmao.

I thought scientific research papers were hard.

I've written like 7 of those so far in college (probably more, honestly, I just don't remember). Never in all my years of research papers have I ever felt compelled to read the entirety of a 190-page glossary manual on the terminology of firefighting practices. Yet, here I am, in my first week of silly, for-funsies creative writing, and feeling like I might actually do it.

[sirfrogsworth]

These folks watched a whole ass movie not realizing the main character was transgender and it was a 2 second kiss between men that made them lose their ever-loving minds.

It's amazing to me that if it weren't for those 2 seconds, many of these folks would have given this movie a 4 or 5 star review. But two seconds of the most vanilla, non-sexy, yet genuine and loving kiss somehow ruined every moment of enjoyment the previous 90 minutes brought them.

Imagine if they realized the trans allegory. I wish I had a way to tell them. I wish I had a way to make them realize they related to a trans character. That they rooted for them. That they accidentally empathized with a trans story.

This was a beautiful movie. In every sense. I really hope between this and Spider-Verse, we can have a moratorium on every 3D animated movie using this style of character design.

It's time to let go of the rubber toy look.

I love Toy Story, but its success kind of doomed 3D animation to never take any risks. I thought maybe it was just a limitation of the medium, and perhaps it was for a time... but after seeing Love Death + Robots and Arcane...

I realized they can make 3D animation look however the hell they want now.

The rubber people were just risk avoidance.

"That's what people are used to and so we're sticking with it."

But the real beauty of Nimona was the story. I won't spoil it but the plot is pretty much, "If you get to know a trans person, you probably won't hate them anymore."

Not knowing any trans people is one of the biggest factors in anti-trans bigotry. And so this movie uses allegory to let an audience get to know a trans person. And you get to experience someone slowly start to understand what it is to be trans from an outside perspective.

It's sad that will probably be lost on those folks above because all they will remember is the kiss. Seriously, it was such a harmless, mundane, blink-and-you-miss-it kiss. But I'm hoping that others will take the lesson of this movie to heart. That you should get to know people before you judge them.

Part of me does wish we could tell trans stories without allegory. That we could just have overt trans characters. But I think this is the best representation possible right now.

It's crazy that Supergirl was one of the bravest shows as far as modern trans representation. It wasn't an edgy HBO drama trying to push boundaries. It was a family-friendly superhero show and they were just like, "Here is a transgender woman with superpowers and it's fine." And I loved that it was part of the character but it wasn't all the character was. Though I think they just missed the manufactured "moral panic" window where that choice would have been extremely controversial causing boycotts of Warner Bros. and whatnot.

My only complaint about Nimona was a small penis joke. It went by very quickly and many may even miss it. But I was surprised to see it in this movie in particular. Especially since those jokes can have collateral damage toward trans folks. With all of the positive messages, wasting a joke on body shaming was a tad disappointing. I mean, it was a fairly lighthearted "Is it cold in here?" joke. I don't want to make it sound worse than it was. But it still registered on my Richter scale of things that bother me.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly give Nimona a 5 out of 5. It helped me understand my friends on a deeper level and it was warm and funny and entertaining. There was a scene at the end that was so beautiful and heart-wrenching and I was crying my eyes out. The animation and the symbolism and the acting were just so perfect.

It's a shame Disney tried to kill this movie. But I am so glad it was allowed to exist despite that.

[paraphwrites]

followup on my post about dbda & loneliness.

'dead boy detectives' is a show where fundamentally, every character is very very lonely. but, they make each other less lonely. jenny is a surrogate parent for crystal, edwin and niko are always there for each other, crystal and charles understand each other, charles and edwin complete each other. there's just something so beautiful that even though they are all in pain and lonely, they are not alone, they have friends who would literally die for them.

i realized i was queer pretty young and in a very non-accepting environment. i was the only queer person i knew for a really long time, and that was really hard for me. and there was something devastatingly beautiful about watching edwin go through the a similar journey and not be alone.

dbda is important for a million reasons. but i would like to focus on one reason in particular.

'dead boy detectives' illustrates that there are multiple different ways to realize one's queer identity. you have simon, who is so wrapped up in self-hatred that he tears other people down with him. you have edwin, who is utterly unwilling to express any desire in such a way but ultimately embraces it. you have monty, who seems to have always known he was queer and always been very okay with that. you have charles, (i include him because i believe he is, but that can be debated) who goes on a long journey to realize it due to his circumstances. and they are all valid, and they are all real, and some of them hurt other people. because when the world hurts you so fundamentally, sometimes you end up hurting other people too. and you have people who have never had an issue with being queer, and that's great. and you have people who have to come to terms with it and it is hard and it is beautiful but they don't have to do it alone.

and that MATTERS. so often in media, we have a narrow, limited perspective for what realizing one's queer identity means. but there are so, so many different ways to figure yourself out, and dbda shows that in a very tangible and real way

the stories you tell are the stories we hear. so if @netflix only wants to tell stories about straight white people (maybe featuring a token gay character, so they can put it under the lgbt section), then that is the stories that people will hear

chimamanda ngozi adichie gave an incredible ted talk, back in 2009, called 'the danger of a single story.' in it, she discusses how, when you only tell & hear a singular story about a certain group of people, that becomes how you perceive the entire populace.

when a coming out journey is limited to its popular depiction (*realizes* *is kinda sad* *gets a bf*) then that is what all queer people are reduced to

look, i get that netflix has a couple of great shows featuring multiple queer characters, and i've watched & loved most of them. but god if i am not tired of people telling me to watch heartstopper. (i did & it's great & that's not the point.) the point IS that there should not be Two Gay Shows on your platform. because then the entirety of queer people are reduced to that.

now, maybe if it was just dbda, i wouldn't be so up in arms.

BUT THE FUCKING PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY ADAPTATION?????????????????????????????????

you CANNOT reduce queer people to shows that aren't worth renewing. you CANNOT erase queer characters from classic lit just because you want it to be more mainstream. when you do that, you are reducing queer identities to the single story you are willing to tell.

(to be clear i'm not blaming all of homophobia on netflix. i am simply pointing out a way in which they are contributing)

[kiefbowl]

so as you may know GRRM had a little bit of influence on the game Elden Ring and I specifically remember someone pointing out that he had to be the one to introduce the "unreliable narrator" element to the game's story/trickles of lore and that stuck with me a lot it's not something I explicitly realized myself until it was pointed out...george is all about that stuff like something he does really well and not to boomerpost but I think...like.......modern readers(?) have a problem that they have to take everything really really literally and that's why there's "problematic media" discourse

yeah, he did contribute to Elden Ring. My BF played it twice through and is now playing the DLC, and he's also reading AGOT for the first time, and he points out stuff he reads in the books that he says is "very Elden Ring" i.e. obviously GRRM's influence in the game :) it's cute.

Yes, GRRM's whole ASOIAF series is written 100% with unreliable narrators, bc it is constantly switching from different limited third-person perspectives. GRRM also uses, rarely, an omniscient narrator, for lines that are actually meant to be factual. He uses this with great success, imo (as a fan lol). A good AGOT example is ending a Daenerys' chapter where she learns she's pregnant with "It was her fourteenth nameday" which reminds the reader of Daenerys' reality (as oppose to her perceptions) and retroactively recolors the chapter. Or at least it should.

Not to boomerpost with you, I am truly not sure what is going on with many, many, many people engaging with HOTD online. It seems absolutely detached from reality at times. It's a bizarre way to engage with a tv show, it's a bizarre way to engage with Fire & Blood, it's a bizarre way to engage with GRRM's themes and writing. I truly have seen nothing like it, and I've seen a lot of bad hot takes in my time about all sorts of books and movies and tv shows. I don't know why these people don't just stop watching it! Maybe it's a generational thing? I'm just not sure. It seems like people are actually rooting for a side...in a fantasy fictional political drama that is already pre-written. And then they get mad when anything happens that is nuanced or even wrong doing...it's like they want the show to be conflictless. They want the conflict to be the war only, and they don't want characters to have interpersonal conflict. When the only way to adapt a history book is to ground it, and invent the interpersonal drama. I just do not know what people expected, and I never knew so many people loved Fire & Blood bc I thought it was kinda...whatever. It was fine. These are my favorite books, I don't think I've reread anything more times, and I still am happy to say Fire & Blood is just kinda fun, it's a bit silly and interesting. It's like a lore dump. So they could have done almost anything with the tv show, and I'd probably been like "sure, why not," but I find the tv show good and makes several good creative choices based on the unreliable text narration (and also some dumb ones, which like I've said in a previous post, is a grand tradition for tv shows so it's fine lol).

It's also not done, I have never seen a fanbase so eager to have a tv show be just a climax at every moment, and very impatient at scenes that are clearly setting up stuff for later. Weird ass people are watching and hating this show man, idk.

[marquisegallery]

I FINALLY managed to finish the Devil theory pics!! Just barely before the end of the week like I hoped I would ;u;

And so, finally, my very rambly set of headcanons for these gremlins. They're my gremlins now I guess, I have hyperfixated too much lol

(This is going to be long. Incredibly long. And very headcanon-y because these guys don't exactly have a lot going for them in canon anyways. I'm warning you now. :u )

There are some of these borrowed from/inspired by @mechanical-magician's excellent Devil Theory and other BRC headcanons, I will point them out when they come up! :>

Starting off with Devil Theory in general:

The crew name is something all four of them came up with to sound threatening yet badass. With their reputation, it works well!

Their aliases come from the types of weapons most commonly associated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (for the most part). Daishō is named as such because naming him “Katana” probably would have made the connection too obvious.

He was originally going to have them named after famous Japanese swords/swordsmiths (since it would probably fit the samurai-theming of their costumes better), but decided on the TMNT weapon names because he thinks they flow together better anyways. And secretly, he named each of them after the weapon of the TMNT member they're most similar to.

Plus, he finds it amusing to see other people’s reactions when they find out, lol

The other members themselves did not even realize the themeing until much, much later. Sai and Bō were annoyed by it (Nunchaku still thinks it's hilarious), but by then they were all so used to their aliases that they didn't want to bother coming up with new ones. :P

I personally like to think the gravelly voices they have in game is a sort of "character voice" they do to sound more threatening most of the time.

The only person they genuinely respected before the events of the game was DJ Cyber, though they wouldn’t admit it publicly. Also it’s mostly due to the fact that he can kick (and has kicked) all four of their asses in a 4-against-1 fight. In game, it’s mentioned they were kicked out of Mataan, and in a way I like to think they were quite literally kicked out of Mataan by DJ Cyber himself.

After the game, they do have some respect for BRC overall too. But kind of begrudgingly, and mostly because BRC managed to beat Faux and save the whole city.

On that note! Before and during the game's main plot, they just liked to be heels/assholes for the hell of it (not exactly true, but it's what they tell people if asked). It wasn't until get backstabbed (and almost killed) by Faux as Project Algo did they start reconsidering that, hey, maybe they can afford to be a little less assholish. Sucks that it took that much for them to change, but hey, better than nothing I guess??

So they did manage a sort of Heel-Face Turn… but mostly in that they stop pushing the Code of the Street to the limit, and of course they’ve stopped ratting out rival crews to the cops. They still have their own "heel personas” while in costume though, and still continue their activities as writers. Also occasionally still physically fighting other writers anyways, but its fine, probably!

None of them expect the other crews to forgive them for what happened (especially, y'know, the snitching thing), and indeed no one offers any sort of forgiveness. The feelings from most of the other crews and writers towards Devil Theory ranges from "Well, at least you got what you deserved and learned your lesson. You better make good on your promise to be good or else, alright?" to "I don't fucking trust you and I'm gonna keep an eye on you assholes."

Devil Theory have enough grace to accept this judgement, because hey, it's understandable. And on a more selfish perspective, it's either this or stick to being such unapologetic assholes that they get kicked out of New Amsterdam altogether!

Each of them do feel genuine guilt over the snitching thing and working with Faux behind everyone's backs. Sai was the only one who was opposed to it all in the first place, only being convinced by the others and Faux that it would be "fine". So besides guilt in not pushing back harder, there's also a bit of, "I fuckin' called it that this was a bad idea. I only went along with it because you guys said it'd work out, and look what fuckin' happened!!"

Meanwhile... Daishō is the one who feels the most guilty about what happened, since he's basically the leader, and had convinced the others to go for it. So he feels like it's his fault first and foremost for trying to cheat, as well as for trusting Faux in all of this just because he was one of the Big 3. Not to mention all of his friends nearly dying because of Faux, especially with Sai being the one slammed against the statue in Mataan... If any of them died, Daishō definitely would not be able to live with himself after that. He has not admitted this to anyone and is still personally grappling with that guilt. Nobody knows because he's (unfortunately?) very good at masking these kinds of things...

Sai is the member who ends up leaving DT for BRC, though mostly out of revenge against BRC (and specifically Red) for the crew battle back on Pyramid Island. He gets that out of his system eventually, and sticks with BRC as a genuine member (I have a fan fic idea for this bit of story, hee hee). He's still friends with the remaining DT crew of course, they've all been friends for a long time. (I'll touch on this more in a bit)

So then after the events of the game and Sai joining BRC, as a show of good will, Devil Theory let other writers (and especially DJ Cyber) know how exactly they managed to sic the cops on people: Basically hijacking certain police signals to send in false tips. Because otherwise interacting with the cops directly would have just led to them getting arrested too. (It's something that Faux told them how to do in order to gain their trust and make a "deal")

Everyone thinks it might be at least good as last resort free distraction against the cops. Send in a false tip, something like "Ignore those writers, there's a bigger emergency that is conveniently on the opposite side of the city!!" No one's sure if the cops have the ability to actually trace back the false tips to the source (like what happened with DOT EXE finding out about Project Algo), so writers only use it for emergencies. Still, coincidentally, arrests against writers has gone way down after this!

This also leads to a new addition to the Code of the Street: Any writer found to be abusing the false tips in order to get another writer/crew arrested, will be ratted out to the cops themselves. An eye for an eye! DJ Cyber was considering doing this to Devil Theory as well, but figured them getting pummeled by Faux towards the end of the game was punishment enough.

This one comes from a Mech headcanon: Devil Theory has their own hideout in the shipping container maze on Pyramid Island. The confusing (and frankly rather unnerving) nature of that area means their hideout can stay secure from anyone who doesn’t know how to get there.

My personal addition to this: There are different routes to the hideout based on whether or not it’s Tuesday, raining, a bank holiday, or any combination of those factors. Also, the crew (and even the dock workers of Pyramid Island in general) have not ruled out the possibility of there being any sort of Backroom Beasties in the maze. Sometimes you can hear things in there...

Sai is still invited to hang out at their hideout. Anyone else has to have approval from him and the remaining DT members before they're allowed to visit.

Also based on a Mech headcanon: They have pet crabs they keep at their hideout. Me personally, I like to think they're specifically hermit crabs! So then the crew paint designs onto any shells brought for the crabs, and will let visitors paint one too.

Back to the topic of all four of them being friends for a long time, more specifically: Sai and Daishō have known each other since very early childhood, and then they became friends with Bō and Nunchaku during middle school (i.e. around ages 12/13). Nunchaku in particular was living in California at the time, so it was an online friendship with the other three, eventually moving to New Amsterdam after turning 18.

They may or may not have started an anime-manga club during their time in school, which is how Sai and Daishō met Bō (and with Nunchaku as an honorary online member). All four of them refuse to admit to it these days, lol

Truthfully, the main reason all four of them have stuck together for so long is because they have had rough childhoods in one way or another, mostly due to their respective parents. This is what lead to the four of them becoming friends and wanting to protect/defend each other (sort of like a found family kind of thing), and thus forming Devil Theory together later on. However, they are more likely to admit to the anime-manga club thing than any of this.

(I might elaborate more on how rough it was for each on them in a separate post. Or just save it for a fan fic, if I can manage it...)

All four of them learned to fight mostly from watching wrestling shows and martial arts movies. “But wrestling is fake, those moves probably wouldn’t actually hurt someone--” “Only if you hold back.”

Both Sai and Bō have face scars. Sai has it over part of his lips, while Bō has a mark on part of his jaw. Both of them got these from injuries while trying to learn how to skate and freerun in order to be writers.

With Bō in particular, he outright passed out when it happened, causing the others to panic. They had to take him to the Flesh Prince to get him fixed up (hospitals would ask too many questions for their liking).

For Sai, the only people who know about how he got his scar are the rest of Devil Theory (and eventually he tells Rise too). To anyone else, he just tells them he got it from fighting 3 walking tanks at once. Rise says he should tell people it was 5 tanks at once to make it sound more impressive!

All four of them have cybernetic lower legs (from looking at the in-game models, it definitely looks more like cybernetics/prosthetics than just armor, at least to me). Long story short, each of them lost a foot or part of a lower leg (sometimes on both legs) for one reason or another. It eventually got to the point where Daishō went, "You know what?? Fuck this, we're clearly cursed, so let's just get this over with." And paid for all of them to just get what's left of their lower legs upgraded to fancy cybernetics, as seen in the game!

This is at least another reason for them becoming writers ("With these legs we could probably manage it pretty good, right?"), and then of course eventually forming Devil Theory.

Some more specifics on the why for each member:

For Sai and Daishō, it was directly caused by their Respective Bad Parents. (Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I may go into further detail on that in a separate post. Especially since it gets pretty dark...)

For Bō, it was an accident out in New Amsterdam. Basically there was a failed test involving one of the police's walking tank, resulting in Bō and other civilians getting injured. Some of them fairly severely, and of course Bō being one of those. None of them (including himself) know what actually caused the accident, not even that it was caused by a walking tank.

For Nunchaku, it was a factory accident. This was back when she first moved to New Amsterdam and needed a job. That led her to having to work at a shady factory with unsafe work conditions, and which was taking advantage of new immigrants like her who don't 100% know their rights or who to go to for help right away. Her accident in particular was one of the worst at the factory up to that point, with several other employees getting hurt as well. They all of course quite after that, including Nunchaku herself.

Sai's incident was the earliest to happen chronologically, while Bō's was the last one.

Daishō and Sai tried dating each other at one point in high school. Emphasis on “tried”. At the least, it wasn’t the worst relationship either of them have had, just awkward. So they were able to stay friends afterwards.

And now for each individual member! With bonus head pics. :P

Sai

As previously mentioned, he's the member who joins up with Bomb Rush Cyberfunk in the postgame.

Also as previous mentioned, he at first only joined BRC for revenge against Red, but they sort it out after a while!

Has some anger issues, but since joining BRC (especially after a final serious fight with Red) he’s gotten a much better handle on it.

Eventually after that previous point, he starts dating Rise, there is a whole outline for this I swear…

He and Red still fight each other, but it's more like sparring matches. The rest of BRC end up treating it like actual sport matches, basically cheering on one or the other! Cueball and Bel even act as commentators for these matches, lol

He is fairly stand-offish most of the time, and takes some time to open up to other people.

He can cook, as in cooking without necessarily following a strict recipe. He cooks a lot for his former crew, though it takes him a while to open up and cook for BRC as well. You will not be disappointed if you invite him to a potluck!

He can sing quite well, but he hates singing in front of others, even his own friends (they've only ever heard him by accident when he didn't mean for them to hear him at all). He eventually opens up to singing for Rise at least.

I have a personal headcanon that DJ Cyber will occasionally take suggestions for mixtapes he's working on. Sai suggested several reggaeton songs/remixes, though he expected none of them to be picked. He was super stoked when he found out the DJ actually included one of his suggestions (the AGUA remix) in the particular mixtape that plays on Pyramid Island.

Works as a freelance graphic designer/artist as his day job. He takes commissions on the side. No, he does not take requests and will not draw your OC for free.

He is the one who designed Devil Theory's graffiti in canon, Daishō paid him for it too!

He's Puerto Rican, he moved to New Amsterdam as a kid.

Fluent in Spanish, he has a noticeable Puerto Rican accent when speaking Spanish.

Daishō

He is the leader of Devil Theory!

He let Sai leave the group to join BRC because he started getting sick of Sai’s anger issues (it had been growing worse until the BRC crew battle, at which point said issues were at their worst).

Once Sai gets a better handle on his anger, they go back to being friends, even with Sai staying with BRC.

Fairly chill guy (though also arrogant and snarky at times) out of costume.

While in public as the Devil Theory leader, he can be ruthless (as seen by how the group pushes the Code of the Street to the limit). He can also be dramatic sometimes, almost playing it up like an anime villain/wrestling heel at times. At least he’s smart enough to not let himself get distracted by monologuing.

Though if you genuinely piss him off, he can be incredibly petty and cruel, regardless of him being “in costume” or not.

Daishō wears contacts while in costume, but just normal glasses outside of that

He’s the one who designed Devil Theory’s costumes. He has experience with cosplay before forming DT.

He’s also the one that came up with their Hip-Hop dance. He’s particularly proud of the “criss-cross hop” part of the dance, but this was also the part that the other members had a hard time getting right. (I say this as someone who has attempted doing the dance IRL myself, and also had problems with that part :P)

On that note, he's a pretty good dancer in general, with both freestyle and "formal" dances with specific steps.

He supposedly has enough money to just live off of for the rest of his life, but he continues to be a writer for the fun of it (and as an outlet/destressor). He does still work part-time though, as a secretary for one of the companies in Mataan.

He's a theater major and part of a group that holds plays in New Amsterdam. He loves to play as the villains, especially in musicals. Villains always get the best songs!! That being said, his actual singing is about 100% confidence and 65% actual talent. Him singing villain songs is already great, but anything else is usually "just" alright.

Big fan of horror movies, mainly slasher/splatter and body horror. Also the kind of guy who goes looking for director's cut versions and deleted scenes. He will ramble for hours about his favorite horror movies, especially about the acting and special effects! Though he will also rant about genuinely awful horror movies just as much. He has opinions!!

Claims to have a girlfriend, but he never names who he’s dating or goes into any specific details about her, and the other DT members have never met her. They have a running joke about her being his “theoretical girlfriend”. (Truthfully I just haven't decided if she's going to be someone "in canon" or just slap together an OC. I'll decide eventually...)

This one gets its own subsection because it's pretty long lol:

Daishō is terrible with names. In general it takes a while for him to learn other people's names, and he tends to mess up by getting close-but-not-quite with names. And with him being the leader of Devil Theory, most people assume he's just being a jerk and making fun of them. :P

Some examples:

Tryce = Tricycle, Trace, Tracy, Trance, Trick

Bel = Bell, Beth, Bev, Ring (like a ringing bell lol)

Vinyl = Vine, Vino, Vinny, VHS

Solace = Soul, Solis, Crash, Test

He doesn't have this problem with people who are basically celebrities to him (DJ Cyber and Felix being two-thirds of The Big 3, and he knows Rise because he follows her on social media). So then otherwise, the only thing that helps is coming up with mnemonics/associations. "Bel's hair kinda looks like a bell", "Vinyl works at a record store", etc.

One of the rare times he managed to remember someone's name easily is Red. Because, y'know, literal red head. :P

And yes, this also applies to his own friends, at least with their real names. He had no trouble with their street names, but only because he was the one who came up with them, lol

He's half-Japanese and half-Peruvian, born and raised in New Amsterdam. Fluent in Spanish and Japanese. He has a Peruvian accent when speaking in Spanish, his mother insisted on teach him herself (and to avoid him potentially ending up with a Spaniard accent, lmaooo).

As mentioned much earlier, he has known Sai since they were kids in elementary school. Basically Sai latched onto him because he was the only other Latino at their school, and Sai was already being alienated by the other kids because of that. They eventually realizing they have a lot in common anyways (like same favorite manga at the time) and became friends.

On that note! He only got into anime and manga in the first place out of spite towards his dad, who basically looked down on it as "everything wrong with my homeland these days". Dad only very begrudgingly got Daishō stuff in the original Japanese, choosing to see it as at least a way for his kid to learn Japanese more easily.

That leads to a more genuine love for anime and manga, and then forming the anime-manga club, becoming friends with Bō and Nunchaku, and of course eventually all four of them forming Devil Theory. Funny how these things work out!

Bō

Rather stoic while in public as a Devil Theory member, but outside of that he tends to be fairly nerdy and polite.

Arguably the way he acts in and out of costume is probably the biggest difference among the rest of the DT members. Which tends to be rather jarring to most people…

The tech person of the group, bit of a hacker too. He was the one who figured out the false tips thing with the police signals, and frankly he finds the police force's security systems to be insulting pathetic a lot of the time.

His day job is as an IT tech, though he often gets forced into doing stuff outside of his job description, especially since his damn coworkers keep pushing their own work onto him. He even has to take care of coding things as a programmer/engineer, which is even more outside of his job description!

Being a writer is basically a destressor for him at this point. Do not ask him to troubleshoot your tech problems when he’s off the clock, he hates that. The rest of DT know this and don’t ask him unless it’s something genuinely serious (and only after they’ve done their own troubleshooting).

He's a gamer, and especially loves games that he can mod himself.

Related to the previous point: he has strong opinions about how the game industry is going these days (Little-to-no official support for preservation of older games, going after emulators when they won’t even help make their games more accessible, awful dev crunch especially from larger companies, etc.). He will rant about it if you let him!

He can't handle horror content very well, be it movies or video games. And I mean genuine horror stuff, especially with gore. Silly scary stuff like Luigi's Mansion is fine, but getting into Silent Hill and Resident Evil is where he starts genuinely freaking out. He'll at least watch his friends playing through survival horror games, not playing it himself, but he'll insist on having all the lights on.

One time the others did manage to drag him through a haunted house attraction. He ended up freaked out badly, and afterwards got into a fistfight with Sai over it (it was his idea to do that in the first place). Lesson learned!

He has attempted at least once to get a piercing like his friends, but he almost fainted while doing so (he might have a fear of needles). He hasn't tried since.

Knows how to fight like the rest of the DT members, but some people may underestimate him because they assume the tech guy isn’t that strong. Also, Bō is admittedly built more for weightlifting than outright fighting like the others, but that doesn't mean he can't kick your ass!

On that note, he hates when people underestimate him in general, or otherwise think he’s naive.

Inspired by Mech's own CUE.mp4 and Pluto: Bō eventually starts dating Cueball (the DOT EXE member who joins BRC in the postgame). Admittedly at first I was like, only lightly considering something similar in my own stuff, like "That'd be cute, but it probably wouldn't work for these two in my AU/headcanons, ha ha" but eventually after more thinking I realized, "Wait a minute, this could work after all." lol

His family has lived in New Amsterdam for generations.

Knows enough Spanish to follow along with Sai and Daishō when they have conversations in Spanish, though not necessarily respond to either of them in Spanish (or anyone else for that matter).

Nunchaku

In case her real name in my headcanons didn't already tip you off, Samus Aran surprise!! Nunchaku is a gal named Roxanne! She has a naturally deep voice, and can pull off a gravely “character voice” like the rest of DT.

She goes by Rox as a nickname out of costume/with friends.

"Wait so is she cis or trans--" In all fairness I would say "Probably cis??" but at the same time I also have to wonder, "Would the character themselves be comfortable answering that question?" And in this case, she wouldn't want to answer either way. If she were trans, she would not feel comfortable sharing that publicly. And if she were cis, she wouldn't answer that out of spite, seeing it as something that's none of people's business anyways.

So basically, either way she's a very butch lady in my personal AU/headcanons for BRC, and that's all you really need to know on that front. :P

Overall a very positive and friendly (and energetic) person outside of Devil Theory, but can be surprisingly underhanded when in costume.

Though either way, she tends to be very high-energy. She is in fact the team member with the highest gremlin energy!

Her ears are pierced, but that was something her parents forced her into doing. She refuses to use earrings and stuff even as an adult, though she did eventually get that piercing on her nose.

She likes spicy food! Also has a tendency to add hot sauce to certain foods just to kick up the spice factor. Sai and Nunchaku used to have small arguments over her adding hot sauce to the food he cooked for her (Sai sees it almost as an insult, as if she’s saying it doesn’t already taste good enough). By now they’ve come to more of an understanding, and Sai just side-eyes her whenever she adds hot sauce to her food.

Was a bit of a kleptomaniac as a teen, and these days she still steals things on occasion. She’s good at it and manages to not get caught (a lot of the time).

One time she went to steal a new TV for the Devil Theory hideout. She saw the store she was hitting had a buy one get one free deal on TVs, so she stole two and gave the extra to BRC for their own hideout!

She works as a mechanic as her day job, mainly fixing cars, though also other kinds of large machines and equipment (washing machines, fridges, trucks, construction vehicles, etc). She’s in charge of fixing the crew’s skateboards when needed.

Adding onto her job backstory: The shop Nunchaku works for as a mechanic is owned by a guy who originally mentored her back at the factory she worked at (mentioned a lot earlier on this post). Basically he'd seen a lot of violations and other shady crap, none of it getting fixed despite multiple complaints and reports. And seeing so many people (including unfortunately Nunchaku) end up hurt at once was the last straw. So he quit, opened a repair shop, and offered Nunchaku and other former employees of the factory new jobs at his business. They're all happier to be away from that crappy factory, which has since been shut down due to the accidents and violations.

Nunchaku is crane and forklift certified. She figured it would look good on her resume, and hopefully be impressive to the ladies. Hopefully. It hasn't worked yet.

She has been interested in learning about welding, especially given how much money those types of jobs make, but for now she's happy with her mechanic job.

She likes to take things apart in order to put them back together again. She finds it's the easiest way for her to understand how something works!

She has a personal goal of someday taking apart DJ Cyber's spider tank thingamajig in order to figure out how it works. And ideally being able to make one of her own. Basically imagine the following: Nunchaku: "Heeeey, Mr. DJ, do you mind if I take a look at your tank thing? I promise I won't take long!" DJ: "Hell no."

She has a crush on Vinyl, but gets too nervous to actually ask her out. Nunchaku also keeps going to the music shop that Vinyl works at to buy records (she doesn’t even have a record player) just to talk to her. Note that Vinyl working at a music shop is inspired by Mech's headcanons for Vinyl! :>

Nunchaku's impromptu "record collection" is growing out of hand at this point, a lot of it for genres she doesn't even like, lol

She once tried to learn how to juggle knives in order to impress ladies! That ended in a trip to the Flesh Prince (again, hospitals would ask too many questions), and she hasn't tried that since.

She knows how to pick locks though! Most of the time it's just using one tool (more often than not the single-sided jiggler) to jam everything until they open. She gets excited when she has to pick a lock that actually requires genuine work to get open.

American, as mentioned a while ago she moved from California to New Amsterdam a bit after high school

Fluent in Japanese (she learned it due to being a weeb, lol); in terms of Spanish, she’s in the same boat as Bō, knowing enough to at least follow Sai and Daishō’s conversations in Spanish

---

SO THAT'S EVERYTHING!! For now. Maybe.

I'm gonna go hibernate like a bear for a while. Feel free to leave snacks in front of my cave if you want, loool

[shimmeringweeds]

(Written between s2 episodes 10 and 11)

“Every game has to be a fair give and take. So now I’m giving.” - Episode 6, English dub vs. Chinese sub:

I found it interesting that the English dub chose to translate that line this way when, just a few episodes earlier, Qian Jin makes a similar remark.

To my limited understanding, the Chinese subs are more accurate, while the English dub is taking liberties, but I want to think on this because it may not be off the mark.

We take and we give. The foundation of this game...is fairness and equality.

Either Qian Jin taught this to Li Tianchen, or someone else taught them both. Honestly, this rule might be the only reason they've survived each other for so long, but that's my headcanon. EDIT ep. 11 Well it sure AF wasn't Qian Jin. If anything LTC was trying to teach him that and it really was the only reason they survived each other smh.

How does this philosophy apply to the current game with Cheng Xiaoshi? Here is where things get convoluted, because, yes, Li Tianchen actually does do a lot of giving, while Cheng Xiaoshi does a whole lot of withholding/taking. But no one can blame him for that except, apparently, Li Tianchen.

Why? Li Tianchen acts very entitled using his possession ability on Cheng Xiaoshi. As if it is a given that he should be allowed to possess. He gave, so now he gets to take. But a "fair" game from our perspective would allow Cheng Xiaoshi the chance to give. We cannot blame him for not trusting Li Tianchen's motives, because then he would have to give blindly.

Li Tianchen is not giving Cheng Xiaoshi the opportunity to ask questions. Why? Is it because Li Tianchen has already told everything he can?

Let's try and see things from Li Tianchen's perspective.

(I'm operating under the assumption that Li Tianchen really believes he is playing fair while Cheng Xiaoshi is cheating)

The rules we know so far (let me know if one was missed):

Disappearing into photos is unfair. (?)

Present possession is fair (because it is the endgame?)

Lying is unfair.

Use of outside forces are permissible (the police, QJ's henchman.)

Every "take" must be balanced with a "give."

The game's foundation is trust.

I want to go back to "lying is unfair." Why was Li Tianchen able to hide behind the identity of Li Tianxi? That doesn't sound very trustworthy. But then again, he's always hidden behind the identities of others. In fact, when approached by others, he's fairly tight lipped and seems to prefer not to speak. When he does speak at length, it's either behind a facade or quiet, under his breath. ( ironically, I realize LG might be the exception to this. LTC was angry lol.) EP11 EDIT okay maybe I misread that, both disguise and speech. LTC fans got some content.

So, from Li Tianchen's perspective, disguise is just what he does. Showing up in person at the theater is one more way he is "giving." I think we can take his general words as truth.

I also think that showing up to the police station as his sister was not only a way to gather sympathy, but it was also the only way Li Tianchen could quietly communicate what he wanted from Cheng Xiaoshi.

"Can't loose my good big brother." -- Save my younger sister. Is it even possible for both of them to be saved?

______________________________________________________________

The Game Thus Far: Encounters

Night at Time Photo Studio: CXS invites Red Eyes to a game. LTC gives information about the murders. CXS lies about not calling the police. LTC returns and "punishes" the lie. He asks CXS to give information. CXS does not give willingly.

First night at the hospital: LTC/LTX take the phone. LTC/LTX give the photograph.

Interview with "Li Tianxi": LTC gives more information. LTC takes CXS. CXS gives Lu Guang (yeah I said it. He didn't mean it, but is that not what happened.) and LTC takes him in exchange.

Interview with Li Tianxi: LTX gives information on her ability. LTX continues to give her allegiance. She's sticking close. Notice that. She doesn't want to loose her brother. CXS takes her help.

Ransom exchange at the theater: LTC gives Lu Guang. CXS gives himself. LTC tries to take what was given.

Okay, so, looking at it like this, it's not the photographs that are cheating. Cheng Xiaoshi is cheating because he keeps finding ways to escape his part of the "give and take."

And to his defense, Li Tianchen is not being..... let's say considerate, in what he might be taking. He's got a solid end game in mind, (is possession really the end game though?) and he doesn't seem to accept that loosing is also a reasonable outcome of the game. That's the question I keep coming back too.

Why does Li Tianchen think he deserves Cheng Xiaoshi's blind trust?

Because that’s the foundation of the game.

But also, might it actually have to do with the "someone" who taught him the rules of this game?

[modify-and-sever]

On Aromanticism, Youth, and Growth

Though, I suppose this applies to asexuals, too. Just know that I'm speaking specifically from the aro perspective. I'm new here - be nice to me 😭

Today, I came to the (honestly, long overdue) realization that I am aromantic. Upon many sleepless nights, fitful daydreams which all ended the same way - "You don't have to think about that right now" - I realized that perhaps I want to think about it, and I did.

I am also a very young adult.

I am certain that there is much discussion on the idea of "growing out of" being aro or ace or anything in between (in fact, I know there is, I've seen it from the outside, pawing at the windows of the aspec community that I wouldn't let myself touch for so long), but I guess I just. Want to talk about it, too.

For months (let's be honest, years), the main, big thing keeping me from the wider aspec community was my youth. Adults and well meaning peer-age friends told me with certainty that it's normal to not feel romantic attraction until you're older, it's normal to not want to date, or to settle down, until you're older. But there's always that caveat.

Until you're older.

And that always had me wondering - how old to I have to be to be allowed to opt out? 20? No, far too young. 25? Maybe you'll see some prospects when you're older? 30? Maybe.

They act as if I'm in a race to end my social life as I know it, like I'm ruining something if I "decide" too early. Decide what? Not to date people? Does every non-partnered person on earth wake up with the conscious decision not to be dating anyone? Am I expected to always be available for that kind of relationship?

I find this experience has a lot of overlap with other queer identities - which sucks for me because I guess I have three of them now. Gay people are told "maybe you haven't found the right opposite gender partner yet," trans people are told "you might regret changing your body eventually," and aspec people are told not to "limit themselves." But really... I'm not?

I want to have deep, meaningful relationships with people. I want to have sex. I want to go out with people in the way people who are "dating" might. I want to have these experiences, but I don't want a partner. And if that's "limiting," then maybe I don't want to have those experiences with people who expect more than that out of me, anyway.

But the real point is, and this is applicable to any identity, who cares if I'm "wrong?"

What harm is done if I decide this feels right for me now, and later it doesn't? What happens then? Nothing. Nothing happens. In fact, the only thing that does happen is that once the label stops fitting, I'll know for certain that it doesn't, because I spoke to and related to a thriving and supportive community about these shared feelings instead of forcing myself to "grow out" of them.

Maybe in a year, maybe in ten years, I'll feel differently. Maybe by then I'll want to settle down with someone. But I don't live ten years from now. I don't even live a year from now. I live in the same time as the rest of the world, so what's the harm in being who I am for now?

[turbo-virgins]

Last night I received the following concerning anonymous message:

When I first read it I was immediately suspicious and thought this was a malicious attempt to start in-fighting while everyone is on edge over the sock-puppet oc-stealing individual that has been hovering around the fc5 community for some time now. However, at least one mutual I have in common with the blog named in the anon has since blocked me, which leads me to believe that the message above might be true and I am being accused of plagiarism. I have left that blog name covered up in case this is all some huge misunderstanding.

In the midst of these accusations, no one (aside from the anon) has reached out to make me aware of the situation or even what I am being accused of plagiarizing. I have reached out to the person who is supposedly accusing me to confirm whether or not they are actually accusing me, but have not yet received a response.

In the meantime I'm providing my limited perspective of the situation to (hopefully) clear the air.

When I first became active in the fc5 community on tumblr (about two years ago, I think?) I was mutuals with the redacted blog in the anonymous message. This person is a long-time prominent member in the community. Their oc and their deputy/john fanfic is well loved and very popular. Not too long after I joined the fandom I began writing my fic, Holy Roller which is a deputy/joseph fanfic centered around my oc, Delilah. It was inspired by a deputy/joseph fic on ao3 called To Build A Home (and I have an old message with a different mutual that I can dig up if requested in which I discuss the premise of that fic and how it inspired me).

In an attempt to be more active in the community, I started reading a few of my mutuals fanfic (including this person's fic). From time to time I would send asks/dms/leave tags in WIP posts leaving encouraging and positive feedback and just enjoying someone else's writing in general. I believe I only read up to chapter 3 or 4 of the fic of the person that is accusing me of plagiarism.

The only similar thing I am aware of between their fic and mine is that we both make allusions/references/allegories (whatever the correct term is) to the biblical book of judges and specifically within that book - the story of Samson and Delilah. When I realized that both of our ocs/other characters in the fic make a reference to Delilah, I remember sending them an ask about it because I thought their take on their oc being a stand-in for Delilah/Samson/some amalgamation of the two was neat. At the time I believe they referenced some biblical academic debate about several different accounts regarding Delilah - some in which she is painted as a victim rather than a seductress. If I recall correctly, they offered to send me a link to their reference material, but I don't remember if I ever got the link - all I know is that I never actually read through whatever reference they were using.

Shortly after this exchange (maybe a few days, maybe a week or two, I don't remember) this mutual blocked me (and I think I was blocked maybe a year and a half ago? I don’t remember; I don’t think I’ve interacted with this person in over a year though). At the time it did not occur to me that the Samson and Delilah references might be why they blocked me. I reached out to a mutual we had in common to see if I had done anything or reblogged anything that hurt or offended this person because whatever the issue was I wanted to apologize make it right. It is my understanding that this mutual we had in common asked this person directly and the reason I was given via a dm back from this mutual in common was "[they] are feeling Some Kind Of Way." I didn't know how to interpret that, so I assumed that by blocking me, this person was setting a boundary of some kind and didn't want me interacting with them. Since I thought they didn't want me interacting with their stuff, I didn't push the issue further and blocked them in return so that I wouldn't see their stuff cross my dash anymore. I also never read any further in their fic.

If I am correct about my assumptions and the accusations in question are regarding the Samson and Delilah references in both of our fics, I am not sure what to say other than it is a complete coincidence. I don't know how this person has been interpreting my own work, all I can offer is my own perspective and decisions I made about my oc, Delilah.

Below I have done my best to outline aspects of Delilah's character and my personal reasoning behind why she is the way she is:

When selecting Delilah's name I knew I wanted a biblical name since the fictional cult in fc5 is a christian-based cult. I briefly researched female biblical figures and I decided on Delilah because the name didn't strike me as super common and I wanted my oc to be a character who may be misunderstood and villainized by some but is still sympathetic - much like the biblical Delilah based on how you interpret/read into the biblical narrative. I believe the name Delilah also means "fragile" or "delicate." I liked the meaning behind her name because my oc is physically resilient which may at first glance seem at odds with her name, but she is emotionally and mentally very vulnerable which is NOT at odds with her name.

As far as physical appearance the closest thing Delilah has to a face-claim is Maya Hawk specifically from Stranger Things. I liked her hair style and some of the 80s-esque fashion she wears in some of her photoshoots. Delilah has kind of dark red hair and my line of thinking there was that Wrath = anger = red. In my fic, Delilah is at times an embodiment of Wrath much like the in-game fc5 deputy. In my writing she is frequently associated with the color red (to tie back into Wrath symbolism) while Joseph is associated with the color gold (based on a long character analysis post I wrote about his glasses a long time ago).

As previously stated, Delilah was intended to have some minor association made between her and the biblical figure. There is a scene early on in my fic where Delilah calls Joseph over the phone only for him to accuse her of being a spy attempting to get close to him and betray him which would (he says) ultimately lead to his downfall. I personally see Joseph as someone who projects himself and his experiences onto the biblical narrative and then uses that biblical narrative as evidence to justify his actions (sort of like an endless self re-enforcing confirmation bias feedback loop... thing). This is a pattern of behavior of his that is referenced in other places in my fic - specifically his in-game references to the book of revelation and then later in my fic to the book of job. It is my reasoning that, when Joseph encountered Delilah by chance at a bar, learned her name, and learned of her connection to the Hope County sheriff, that he was ready and willing to connect her to the biblical Delilah based both on their shared name and their specific circumstances. I believe that Joseph himself even hints at that in their dialogue.

The only other instance I can think of where my work sort of alludes to Samson and Delilah is a few hints and conversations where Delilah explains that she had a traumatic experience as a child where her hair was cut off against her will. Honestly the Samson and Delilah symbolism potential there is secondary to the fact that it was intended to reference my own childhood fears and insecurities. For reasons I won't get into, my hair has been a major part of my identity and how I present myself my whole life. There was a time where I did not have autonomy over my appearance and that manifested itself in this fear of having something so crucial to how I present myself taken away against my will.

This feeds into my next explanation: I have stated before that Delilah is not intended to be a self insert, however there are major aspects of her character and the way she is written that are pulled from my personal experiences. Her religious trauma, her toxic relationships with the maternal figures in her life, her self-doubt, her self-loathing, her deeply ingrained religious guilt, and the symptoms of her anxiety/panic attacks are all pulled from my own deeply personal life experiences. Delilah is a character who keeps everyone at arms length because she believes there is fundamentally something wrong with her - that her flaws are something to be covered up rather than accepted. And the point of her dynamic with Joseph in my fic was for her to find a source of unconditional love that she'd been craving, but to have that love come from someone incredibly fucked-up, dangerous, and manipulative.

As for how well I have executed these concepts - that is a matter of every reader's personal opinion and they have a right to that opinion. This fic I have been working on for approximately two years is the longest work I have ever written. I am inexperienced and still developing my style and skills as a writer. There are approximately four more chapters I have outlined before it will be complete.

I would like to reiterate that I have not yet received confirmation from the person supposedly accusing me on the specific details of what they think I plagiarized. The purpose of this post was to explain my thought process behind my oc and the plot of my fic - I wanted to demonstrate that there is real creative reasoning and intent behind my writing, that my interpretations of Joseph and my characterization of my oc Delilah are based on my own thoughts about fc5 canon material, and that any similarities between my work and someone else's is a coincidence and there is no malicious intent behind any fandom related content I've ever put out on my blog or on ao3.

If this is all a big misunderstanding, then I apologize and I would like to keep in place the boundaries that were set before I was ever made aware of any potential accusations.

[boy-gender]

Hi! You can answer this publicly or privately, but I figured maybe someone else might have a similar question? I just wanted to ask about your personal reasons for using it/its pronouns.

I ask bc I've come across two different characters, now, in media I enjoy, that use it/its pronouns. And I've enjoyed seeing it! They're both two of my favorite characters in their respective media. And i think im kinda questioning whether or not my excitement for these characters (particularly when pronouns are discussed bc they're both great characters outside of that fact) is just bc it's nice to see representation, even beyond they/them pronouns, or if maybe I should consider it/its for myself? I'm not sure, I just thought hearing other people's experiences could potentially help me figure that out. Thank you for your time!

Happy to answer!

First of all, whatever pronouns you want to use is entirely up to you! Nobody gets to tell you what to use and what not to use, or what to try out and change later if you don't like it. If you feel like you want to try a set of pronouns, try it! If it doesn't jive, just change it again. There is no limit to how many pronouns or labels you can use, try, drop, pick up again, or how many times you change it. If it sounds like it/its makes you happy, go for it, even if it just "just" because of characters you like. There's nothing wrong with being influenced by the stories that are important to you.

My reason for using it is mostly trauma-based. All my life I've felt a significant disconnect from my own body, but I didn't realize I had a dissociative disorder until I was like 24. A combination of child abuse causing the disorder, where I never felt like my body was/is me, just that I'm a thing inhabiting the body, possessing it like a spirit- and also lifelong bullying and ostracizing by my peers both contributed to it. There are many times I don't feel like a man or a woman, or a nonbinary person, or any type of person at all. I was dehumanized; I had my humanity stripped from me, including my gender. Fat autistic weird 'girls' aren't treated like girls, intersex tomboys aren't treated like boys, we're treated like monsters. Like kicked dogs. I existed only to be abused by the people around me- my parents and teachers who were supposed to protect me, and the peers who should have been my friends and community. Freaks don't have genders, those are for people. And I was constantly reminded that I did not count as a person.

I very much associate the bullying I endured with my gender nonconformity. I was an afab intersex person- I was a girl of age like 13 with a moustache and beard growing in. I was fat, and my fat never distributed to the 'desired' places for a girl (also, this was like 2008. There was no 'desired place' for fat on girls). Other kids knew or sensed things were different about me- that I was queer in multiple ways, that I had several mental illnesses, that I was fat and ugly and was friends only with other rejects, meaning nobody gave a shit what happened to us. There would be no one to come to our defense no matter how severely we were harmed. We didn't matter.

When I found out I was a system, it put a lot into perspective. The disconnect from the body, from my identity, from my own memories (which are all in third person) made more sense. My other is not human. At first I assumed the "it-ness" was because of this, but actually he doesn't like to be called it at all. It hurts him. It doesn't fit. The it-ness is from me. It's an expression of the gender experience I was denied, a reclamation of the othering I suffered. I don't count as human. I will never be worth being human, or having typical human experiences. I will never be allowed into the club. But it turns out there are other clubs out here- humanity and the cisgender binary are not the only options. I no longer see my othering as "be human or just die," but as "not human? Cool, come try one of these other myriad things." There are so many more things you can be besides human.

This makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Firstly, good. People should be uncomfortable with the cruelty I endured and the marks it left. People should be uncomfortable that they probably participated in othering people as children, and maybe even still do it as adults, and they should be uncomfortable that society is raising their children to continue to do this. It is, in a way, a little bit like my pronouns being fuck/you, or examine/yourselves. Some of it's shock value, and I like that.

Secondly, the shit I get the most is from other trans people, saying I'm somehow harming the trans community because other people call us "its" as an insult. If someone were to call me a she, that is incorrect, and could be used as an insult- they're misgendering me, they're trying to hurt me. This is not the fault of the word "she" and I'm not going to go up to a trans woman and say "this word hurts me, so you cant use it. No more she/her pronouns for you." We are not all going to have the same comfort level with words. I don't like being called a dyke, but dykes do. Some people don't like being called queer, but lots of us do. Some people don't like being called it, but I do. Either way, I get to decide what I am called, and other people get to decide what they are called, and nobody else gets to veto someone's identity. If someone doesn't like calling me it? Then they don't have to talk to me. If they won't respect my pronouns, they're not any better than people who would call me she or her. I don't need their input or validation.

If you do decide to try out it pronouns, I would say be prepared for backlash, but also don't let it effect you. Block people liberally, joyously even. Don't argue. Don't bother. You do not have to justify who you are. And, consider "soft launching" your pronouns! Maybe tell a couple close friends, or just the internet, and if it goes well, expand to other people, and then other people. Roll it out in stages while you get comfortable and try things and assess. You don't owe anyone a coming out; you can decide if, when, how, and to whom you explain yourself, if you ever do it at all.

As an aside, I want to make a distinction here- I'm not otherkin. I don't say I don't count as human because I am some other type of creature just in a human body this reincarnation. This is not a spiritual belief, or even a psych-kin thing. This is purely a product of trauma, something that was foisted upon me that I am now reclaiming, not something innate to my identity. I don't want people to conflate my experience with that of otherkin and be like "see? you're not really [whatever], you're just traumatized!" I hope people will not use my experience to police other people's identities. I am speaking only for myself.

Hope this helps. If you have any more specific questions, feel free to reach out!

[entomolog-t]

It is also fun in gulliver-type situations when the giant is used to being short, or the main tiny is used to being tall.

And I have a guess as to one of the things you're going to get out of that: It's a reversal of an established power dynamic, and that is always interesting.

OH MAN DO I EVER LOVE THIS.

Big fan of Big Guy is now small 😭💕

In my unlicensed professional opinion, you are spot on- The key theme here would be the reversal of an established power dynamic!

Theres also themes of novelty and extreme fish out of water feelings which we can touch on.

Reversal dynamics are enticing for a variety of reasons. There is a comedic aspect of subverted expectations, as well as the aforementioned themes of novelty and feeling out of place.

Now why might we want this?

At a shallow surface level, we are curious by nature. Novel perspective and new situations that defy our expectations are exciting. The brain likes to reward us for acquiring new information. Our brain is circumstantially wired to be interested in things that defy expectations- given that if something goes against the brains established norm it's view of the truth is incomplete. This is a pretty cool byproduct of natural selection- the more you know and the more complete your understanding, the greater likelihood of survival.

More deeper connections will likely be tied to projection of some sort- for example wanting to have some sort of physical control or commanding presence where in IRL you may find it lacking.

There can also be reframing involved, where you project the traits of someone (or even just a typical archetype) onto the fish out of water- and the fantasy asks as a way to make them see a different perspective.

A very good question to ask yourself would be-

What lessons/changes would I want to see occur?

Are you looking for a character to be humbled?

Learn to be more careful/kind?

To understand what its like to feel helpless?

A follow up question would be to identify the traits of your fish out of water- not limited to personality either. Do they remind you of anyone? Maybe even aspects of yourself?

Usually with these two questions you're able to find a little nugget of realization- For example, maybe you realize those characteristics remind you of your boss- and the change the fantasy seeks is for him to feel small, perhaps have to listen to other because theres no other choice.

I feel like its pretty easy to then draw a conclusion that your subconscious might be dwelling on your boss not respecting you- making you feel small. While I'm not hear to give work advice, this gives you a solid jumping off point to look for a means of change, however you see fit.

Normally what we fantasize reflects something taking up mental space, and the brain likes to work though it. It can be helpful to look at these traits like an IRL road map to calming one's mind and freeing up mental space.

----

Thank you for visiting for your appointment today. You're bill will be sent via carrier pigeon. Please plan accordingly.

[skinnytuna]

(i'm anon who replied to your long post about audience validation and art)

thank you for your response, it's very interesting. it's actually kinda funny because I used to be a person who never, ever shared anything I did with other people (online or in person). I wouldn't talk about the media I enjoyed or showed the drawings I made. it always felt too intimate - I was only doing it for myself and so having other people's eyes on it wouldn't add anything to my enjoyment apart from shame from not liking or creating the 'perfect' thing. if I imagined what I would do in the future, it was only from the perspective of what I would actually create, rather than the validation it would give me.

and then my world view flipped, I guess as I became increasingly exposed to online validation. I still dont share anything I make but if I (indulgently) daydream about creating something, it is rarely purely the process of creation that I think about. I cant separate the stuff I do and the response I would get like I could as a kid. this is probably partly because of watching numbers rise online. but maybe it could also just be the sad reality of transitioning into adulthood? when you are young the stuff you make is never going to get you shit. but when you are older, you are expected to view the world with a transactional slant: whatever you give, you must get back in return.

idk how into fandoms you are but I love them because they are a way to remove that dependence on transaction (both monetary and inter-personal validation) we have. obviously, fandoms mostly exist in an online world and so some people are going to be more successful at creating than others (and some people might even manage to make a tiny amount of money) but mostly they are pretty equal. most artists (fic writers/fan artists) are only creating for the sake of creation. they like something, want to improve it or want to explore a world and so they create. some fanfic writers will never get past 100 kudos on a single work, but they still write thousands and thousands of more words. this is because, for them, writing is a hobby and a way to have fun. they are literally unable to monetise it, and the possible size of a response is often limited by the tiny size of a niche fandom.

fan fiction is wholly and unapologetically amateur. it can be a great quality, but writers have the freedom to create imperfect things and learn as they go. there are no critics, book sales or best seller lists - you can just make shit and put it out there if you want.

idk if any of that made sense but yeah

it's funny you say that about adulthood because there are so many like. 13 year old rappers now who are solely in it for the money or dont understand why they are doing it and their parents are encouraging them to do it for the money so like. childhood for us was very different to what childhood currently is, right now this year.

but i personally cant remember a time when i wasn't desperate for validation like when i was playing guitar when i was 8 or 10 i still had that "i hope im good enough i want to be good enough without trying" feeling it's just the people i wanted to impress were like, authority figures. i wanted my guitar teacher to think i was cool. i wanted my moms friends to think i was funny. i'm still afraid of doing anything i haven't already learned how to do, writing is the first New thing i've attempted in maybe my entire adulthood.

it's kind of funny, when i was younger i didn't realize how bad i was at writing music and that's the only reason i stuck to it long enough to learn anything. i was like laughably bad at it in high school and no one really went out of there way to grab me by the shoulders and say "hey! you suck at this! stop!" though a bunch of people did tell me it kinda sucked. i mostly just thought they were wrong. they weren't. but now part of me doesn't believe i could ever be any good at something that isn't that. like when i write fiction i know on a cognitive level if it ends up being good it's not because i worked hard or earned it or anything it's just a complete fluke. and i don't even really believe people when they tell me it's good. even though obviously i'm only posting it so people will tell me it's good.

in a way i feel like i'm sort of shifting back to the way i was in high school... every piece of art i make im like "this is the best shit ever" and then i post it and if people tell me it sucks im like "lol. incorrect. your tastes are Unrefined" and then i keep making more whatever crap whatever. which honestly is the best way to live i think. i have some people in my life who really like, respect and admire that i make whatever the fuck i want without ever really considering whether or not i should. which is funny because i have a lot of people in my life who are like, Normal artists, who Think before they make something, and try to make Good Things and i envy them greatly because it really comes through in the work.

though obviously as an evil bastard communist i am a strong believer that "Bad" Art Is Radical and "Good" Art is Bourgeois Idealism and i find myself constantly torn between, the allure of timesinks and iteration and the mystique of hyperprolific stream of consciousness artists and i feel like i'm the worst of both worlds by not being fully one way or the other! but i guess not everyone can be Lil B and not everyone can be Frank Ocean and some of us need to sit in between those two extremes...

look at all this me talking about how i never stop and think about the art while i'm stopping and thinking about the art... i'm an Olympic level liar rn.

i've never read a fanfiction in my life (outside of like.. homestuck smut when i was fifteen. which i guess Technically Counts.) but as the form is widely derided i'm sure it has the most artistic merit of any thing. i think a lot about what a world would be like where money and art are completely unrelated. and all art exists completely separate from how much dollars it can make a corporation. would being popular even matter? would people still seek fame... complicated questions. Way if we pees form butts

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I don't have time to write as much as I'd like right now, because annoyingly, I have to go to work all day before I can sit down and properly process last night's Grace Petrie concert (and watch the Taskmaster episode that I missed for the Grace Petrie concert, I have to do that). But I will say, you know how often at a show, even one you enjoy by someone you like, a small part of you is glad when it starts wrapping up? You start to wonder how much longer it'll go, just because there's a limit to how long we want to sit in one spot with strangers? "Often" is the wrong word, I've been to plenty of shows by my favourite people where that didn't happen. But at an average or even above average show, I start to hit my limit near the end.

Not even the tiniest bit in this one. When she said she only had two songs left, I was purely disappointed; absolutely nothing at the back of my mind thought "Oh good, it'll be nice to get back to my own bed." I could very, very happily have stayed there all night. It somehow exceeded my high expectations.

God, her voice. I think I hadn't fully appreciated how very good her singing voice is, just from a pure singing talent perspective. I knew it was good, I didn't realize just how good until I heard it all night, undiluted by the influence of recording file quality or speaker quality.

Also... I went up to the merch table at intermission. I did first buy a CD of an album that I already have off Bandcamp, and got her to sign it, as a ruse to show her that I am a normal person who wouldn't do something incredibly weird like bring someone else's poster to her show and ask her to sign it. The CD purchase was also a bribe - my parents taught me when I was young and going to folk festivals that singers hang around their merch table to make money; if you give them money for a CD then they won't mind you standing there talking to them for a short time, and sometimes it's worth buying a CD you already have as the price to briefly talk to your favourite singers while they sign it.

Then I pulled out this, and she was so nice about it. I said some incoherent thing like "I have such a strange request, I so hope you're not offended that it's someone else's thing, I'm a huge fan of your music not just the comedy, but I love the idea of having something signed by both of you so I'd love to get yours on this, because it's from close to the first year you toured together..."

"No, no, I'm not offended, Josie Long is one of my best friends! Can I take a picture of this to send her?" That was her answer as she signed it, and then she took a picture of that with her own phone. To send to Josie Long. In addition to the pictures my dad took on his phone and sent to me while I did this.

She played every song I wanted her to play (played much of the Connectivity album, which I think is her best one in addition to being her most recent). She closed on The Losing Side, my favourite song of hers, had the audience sing, that's going down as one of my favourite live music moments. Second last she did Black Tie, which I've always thought was very good but not quite her best one, maybe not as good as some others that seem less famous. But hearing it live gave me a new appreciation for it. I think the studio version I heard was more produced. Live with just her and her guitar and one guy accompanying her (Ben Moss, he was great, there were gorgeous harmonies all night), stripped back compared to the studio version, that song is so fucking beautiful. I understand the hype around it more now.

She got to the end and said only one more song, and I thought this night has been perfect so far, she's played all my favourites except my one top favourite, made a new favourite out of Black Tie for me... there's just one more thing I want, will I get it? Then she turned to her musical accompanyist Ben Moss, and mouthed some words that I was sure were "The Losing Side", and then I knew the night was perfect. The fact that she had to say that to him suggests to me she doesn't close with it every night, she had to let him know what to get ready to play. So I got lucky. So lucky. Fucking hell, so lucky. She had the audience sing the chorus and I didn't even mind that I'm normally not a partipator in these things and my dad was next to me (I'd thought we'd have different seats, turns out it was general admission), I happily participated and I'm glad I did. That's another song that really made me realize how amazing her voice is when I heard it in person.

Not a single song dragged or felt boring. Do you know rare it is to go an entire full length concert where not a single song feels a bit like filler? God, incredible night from start to finish. Could not have asked for more.

[quietbluejay]

Angel Exterminatus 11

YOU AREN'T HEEDING THEIR WARNINGS YOU DIMWIT

im resisting very hard making any comments about of course it's the wargamers (not resisting that hard otherwise I wouldn't have called notice to it)

Homestuck reference

wait when was this written 2016 did...did Black Library author Graham McNeill read Homestuck???

lmao okay whatever it is he's doing, it's happening now

...is it gonna be possession

With the help of viewers like you! For the low low price of your entire life energy!

oh i'm sorry, were you being serious here??? "made war a thing of beauty" your entire schtick is being ground down by the ugliness of the warfare you have been engaged in

he's right and he should say it perturabo does lack vision vision, ambition, initiative

someone pick up the phone because I called it I mean it was pretty obvious but still

now I'm really curious as to how he gets out of this alive or does he is it actually perturabo who shows up at the siege

Fulgrim, could you please make the moment where you absorb your brother's life a little less weird?

unfortunately, or thankfully the shooting stars meme kind of broke the tension in this bit for me someone with art skills please i need your help-

is Forrix dead??? RIP common sense

Kroeger normally I'm happy for you to get to do violence but maybe chill for once in your life

okay im wondering if Slaanesh isn't the only chaos god getting something out of today

Khorne intensifies

and then Kroeger hallucinates that he's an Aztec fighting conquistadors and then he hallucinates he's a dude in WWI …a cannibal lovely i "love" warhammer novels there's always cannibalism when you least expect it

yep. He went Full Khorne you never go Full Khorne

back to perturabo and he's having some kind of wacky magical mystery tour

fulgrim can you i know i already asked you to turn it down and i realize you don't actually know the meaning of those words put in that order but

this is well done from a writing perspective but also I want to crawl out of my skin

NANI??? is he gonna get his life force back??? Perturabo uses his magic primarch powers???

power of spite and trauma everyone

oof fulgrim materializes a sword and stabs him

meanwhile: Falk is somehow the only sane man

beautiful

Okay, worried now

a private moment just fulgrim, an entire world of eldar souls, the EC and the IW and the unconscious body of Perturabo oh wait let's not forget the Shattered Legions hanging around too watching this

okay time for stabbing fulgrim with the evil knife apparently?? the evil knife they stabbed horus with and also guilliman wait what the heck is the timeline here why is everyone playing hot potato with this stupid knife how are they playing hot potato

they're killing him to bring him back??? i guess??? oh they put the ground up soulstones in the wounds

I'm sorry all I can see is

Also Eidolon just pulling soulstones out of nowhere is a hilarious mental image while Fulgrim's busting a move. (I'm...not going to say anything about the rest of the scene other than that I'm at my limit)

im crying this is so stretched out the pacing i mean okay so like is this it??

augggh

well okay on the bright side he seems to be an intact person just you know traumatized but normal trauma rather than supernatural trauma

at...least he's being honest with himself?

I hit image limit. Again. The Angel Exterminatus ride has no breaks!

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

thank you so much for this opportunity i wanted to know about my love life this year

thanks again and keep up the good work 🖤

Hi! Thanks for participating in my Valentine's Game💕

Let's see what we can find out for your love life this year🫶

You have your 7th house in Pisces which contains Pisces Venus at 22° a Capricorn degree that specifically is called the "be killed or kill" degree but I don't believe that applies usually in a chart. I actually have noticed this degree has more of an effect in a regular person's chart to give a sudden rise in recognition or a rise in power after being held back. I personally like to think of this as the phoenix degree "rise from the ashes". Because I've seen it usually holds true & it has a much more realistic and relatable meaning. Another common way I've seen this degree play out is being unfairly limited by something that isn't meant for you and with this degree it can show that thing or person finally dismantling or being cast out of your life in an emotionally tense but karmic way for your own growth. But in no means is this something that will harm or hurt the regular person just because it shows up in a chart.

Basically It's usually about getting in tune with your personal power after a rough patch tbh.

So I just wanted to explain that before we dive into the reading because I know this degree can scare a lot of people! And I don't want anyone to automatically fear their future because of it.

Ultimately a 7th house 22 degree Pisces venus conjunct Neptune is telling of a fairytale romance with a lot of hidden problems. This in my opinion would already be telling of a bond appearing you feel almost overwhelmed by because you may think they're the one. But you could be involved with many romantic partners that try to decieve you or have manipulated your feelings in the past. It's like a knight in shining armor coming in promising you the world and then you slowly start to realize they aren't who they seem. Now idk if you've already been in a past situation like that and you're recovering as pisces is about enlightenment and spiritual awakenings. It's a really good sign for healing unresolved subconscious fears from relationships as it brings new perspectives and puts you into an element of compassion and deeper love.

Orrr if a new relationship is coming in then it will be a deeper connection than you've ever had before, it could be the first long-term relationship that sets it apart from the rest. The reason I also say this is because vesta is in your 7th house and it's the asteroid of devotion and commitment so that's definitely promising. The only thing I'm concerned about is that Venus conjunct Neptune in Pisces just because although Venus is exalted in Pisces, when conjunct Neptune it really brings around feelings of true love that can be deceiving. Your Venus sign does square Mars which can bring a lot of passion but also on and off relationships Almost like you're stuck in which direction to go towards? but the passion is so hot that you might find it hard to not be impulsive. It looks like a relationship coming in could be very turbulent, but I think the Mars aspect has more to do with you feeling indecisive and stuck between where to direct your energy. It could be between a new relationship or maybe career as it's in a capricorn degree. I just see this theme of feeling stuck where to commit your energy this year in 2023 regarding love as it may blind you a little but also enlighten you? so it's pretty interesting.

I am pretty positive you will get into a relationship this year as the 7th house ruler Neptune conjuncts venus in the 7th House. Your pursuit of romance seems pretty high this year.

Another special thing I noticed was that your Chart ruler for 2023 is Mercury which conjuncts Pluto in the 5th House. This is pretty interesting because that's another house of relationships except it has more to do with casual sex and pleasure, basically fwb & hookup situations are usually seen here. Now with Mercury in Capricorn at 29 degrees another special degree signifying completion and the end of a cycle conjuncting Pluto in Aquarius. I really am getting SUCH a strong vibe that there is a relationship here that will be sacrificed to find the right person. Or there's someone in your love life that was playing mind games.

Sacrifices are generally themes of Pisces & Neptune, while Pluto is about destruction and breakthroughs, plus 22 degrees can be seen as intense rise and fall in your life with a person, and 29 degrees is the ending and completion meaning it's time to turn over a new leaf.

There's just heavy breakup vibes of someone that was making you feel insecure or less than. It's more than likely a situationship considering this is going down in the 5th house. This year, you will be pushed into a decision that may end or destroy a superficial bond with someone hurting your ego and enjoyment in life to find a partner that will stay devoted. It feels like an awakening in what love actually is for you.

Ah I loved that reading; you had a really interesting SR chart for this year! Goodluck boo! and remember always prioritize yourself <3

[catboysooyoung]

Trying to pick apart ORV as a very noob writer hence why I'm reading it very very slowly (it's actually because I've been so busy with work that I can barely breathe these days).

But anyways it's interesting just how much Yoo Sangah's introductory passage reveals her entire character setting. I didn't think much of this beyond the surface reading, as in "oh she's a heroine type who got a lot of unwanted attention because she's pretty and capable, but she's actually more than that, she's determined and independent."

I guess I've unfortunately been looking at her character through hankim's lens lol. But this is good. It means I'm one step closer to understanding her as a "person".

I feel like now that I've understood a fraction of what she's experienced (commuting daily to my full time job and minor workplace issues), I realized just how fucking insane and amazing Yoo Sangah is. It's also... Interesting how quickly she opens up to Dokja about this? I didn't really understand dok/sang before because I thought kdj didn't deserve someone like her (again. Hankim pov lol), but now I do. Despite being supposedly "popular" and "well liked" the workplace harassment she faced must've given her a sense of kinship with the office outcast...

Unfortunately this sentiment is not shared with Dokja, who due to his nature and self disregard, thinks of her as someone so above and beyond him, someone so far away due to her perceived "perfection". As Dokja is a reader by heart, he unconsciously sees her as a character and not a person in his life, and in doing so, rids her of her humanity a bit.

Hence why, though it doesn't necessarily mean that he thought those rumors are true, he must've thought there was some truth to it/the truth must not be too far from it, thus why he felt the need to add that as context. It establishes his limited outsider's perspective on YSA.

I feel like (and I could def be wrong), KDJ isn't necessarily judging her for it, he's just going with the commonly held assumption, and he reads it as something like "oh she's the type of heroine that would be waited on her hands and feet" and such, or something

So when YSA answers him, it's really funny because it really breaks that common assumption. Like, oh. YSA isn't just your good ol' cool heroine.

She's fucking insane.

Because with the way KDJ's narration leads us, or perhaps leads me. I'd think that the less sinister alternative (compared to the implications embedded in the rumors) would be that she's from a well to do family who has someone driving her, or, is able to drive herself.

But no, she fucking commutes to and from work every day on bike. On a fucking bicycle.

I know Seoul probably has bike paths and everything being a major city in a global north country and all that, and maybe her house or apartment isn't that far, but knowing Yoo Sangah, that probably wouldn't even be a problem.

And honestly given the fact that she said she's doing this to make up for the lack of exercise (which means it is something she does regularly too), probably means she'd have traveled either a long way or taken longer routes on purpose, knowing how she is.

Which is insane, to someone like me, who commutes every day by bus/train and has so little time to do much else and am thus probably much closer to kdj than i ever will to YSA.

To bike, to ((exercise)) daily as your commute to work is insane. It takes insane amounts of willpower and dedication. I know she mainly does desk jobs being HR and such but the workload is still a lot

So it just gives me this picture of like, how probably, neatly curated and insanely full YSA's life is, how committed she is.

The only reason she's commuting by subway here, isn't because she got tired or something, it's because her bike got stolen. Which prob means she's so used to doing it everyday that the only thing that would stop her is if something happened to her bike... That's amazing.

YSA is no perfect heroine or gentle woman. She's an insanely dedicated office lady who should also be drawn with the most powerful thighs in the universe. Okay that last one, I got sidetracked because I'm gay sorry. Point is.

Yoo Sangah.

[whoneedssexed]

Helloooo. I kissed my best friend the other day . I'm not sure what this means. We genuinely are very comfortable and we communicate alot . I have in the past stated that I would gladly kiss her and the rest of our girl group if they needed a pick me up kiss bc I genuinely don't think kisses are a big deal especially between friends. On this day thou, we did have a few drinks and i was feeling very free and full of love. We have always been comfortable with each and I decided to show her some nudes bc she has shown me some of hers . Later that night she mentioned that I was being really flirtatious which made her nervous. I apologized but mentioned that im truly comfortable with her so it just slips out and not a usually flirt, she stated it didn't bother her but suprised her and went with it. She then asked if she can receive that offer of a few kisses and I said sure. We made out 3 times . It was genuinely a good makeout session. But im confused bc I recently realized I am Bi for the past 2 years now and im not sure if I felt somthing to the effect of being Bi or if I felt something for my friend. It was very fun and I wanted to keep it going but I also knew it was just a friend kiss and didn't want to cross THAT boundary. But it felt intense and very satisfying, she felt guilty about enjoying it as well. She knows she is my first girl kiss and she was honor but also on the fence. We def dont want this to affect our friendship but im just confused as to what it means for me. I'm not sure if we'll talk about it or not bc we were pretty sober at this point and we both acknowledged what happened. If it means im ready to be with a girl or if its something more, I def have been curious about being with a women . I would appreciate some guidance or diff perspective.

It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. And it can mean a lot of things if you DO want it to.

It can be tough to figure out feelings around this sort of thing, but trying to shake off the pressures around you and just focus on what YOU would like for it to be can help a little bit, at least in deciding a path forward.

And you can stay friends while still doing intimate things, of course. "Friends with benefits" is a real thing that happens. Regardless of the tropes and stereotypes around it, there are plenty people mature enough to handle such a thing.

It'd be pretty important to have a frank discussion with your friend. Emphasize to her she shouldn't feel guilty about liking it, doing new things is often very exciting and enjoyable, especially when it comes to intimacy. And speak to her about the way you liked it too - it can be a common ground for the both of you that can open up a wider discussion of what you guys want to do, if anything.

Just make sure you both understand you can be honest with each other. Honesty and communication are highly important in all relationships - platonic, romantic, and sexual.

So unfortunately, I can't give you a whole lot of specific advice on where to go. It's a personal journey a lot of people need to either discover on their own, or talk over with a professional counselor (whom are NOT limited to talking to just people in trouble, you know!).

You might also get something out of the perspectives of the wide audience on the Scarleteen forums. Longtime users/readers can likely point to you specific advice columns that the website has done on this in the past, answered by experienced experts and counselors!

And of course, our followers are free to answer with their own thoughts for OP to consider.

As for whether this could be a bi thing, well, I would think so if you enjoyed your experience. Maybe you are ready for some experimentation and casual dating with women, to get comfortable and test the water, so to speak. And it can be BOTH a thing about your friend and a thing that's about being bi.

mod BP