#or whatever neil’s version of ‘being a dad’ is

[ickypuppi3]

thought about billy

[thenightling]

Tumblr has discovered The Sandman...

Tumblr has discovered Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman.   Here are some of the examples of proof of that discovery.  The good and the not-so-good.

1.   The Corinthian (A nightmare entity) has been referred to as a “Blorbo.”  Based on my understanding of the meaning of the word I am pretty certain The Corinthian probably should not be your Blorbo.  But then again you might be into that sort of thing.  I’ve seen some strange things in the Horror movie slasher fandoms.  Just know that if he was real it would probably not be safe to think of him as your Blorbo.

2.  The Corinthian has been called Cori and Cory respectively.   And so it begins...

3.  Morpheus has been referred to as a poor little “Meow Meow” and not while in his cat form.  And yes, I know he fits the criteria for the term.  It’s just this was the first time I’ve seen him called it without it being literally related to his cat form.   You have truly made it in the world of Tumblr when they start calling your character a Blorbo or Poor LIttle Meow Meow.  Whatever happened to Woobie?   I would think Morpheus would fit under “Woobie.”   

4.   I have seen Tom Sturridge (Morpheus’s Netflix actor) referred to as a DILF.  (Dad I’d like to ...have fun with).   As the term is usually reserved for older men, and I, myself, am forty, and Tom Sturridge is a few years younger than I am, this term usage came as a surprise to me. It turns out some fans are using the term quite literally as Tom Sturridge literally is a father.  I was used to the term being used specifically in regard to age.

5. Morpheus has been compared to a Disney Princess.

6.   A scene from the source material has been taken out of context to make the character look more like an asshole than he actually is even though there are plenty of real asshole moments as the character is on a long redemption arc.

The scene in question is when Matthew the Raven says “Penny for your thoughts.” And Morpheus responds with “You have no pennies, Matthew.”  Later Morpheus offers Matthew a literal penny in exchange for him voicing his thoughts.  Morpheus being too literal is what is happening here. Context matters.

7.  There are people trying to bluff having read The Sandman without having actually read The Sandman to try to gain clout in the fandom.   It’s okay to have not read it yet, guys. It’s a great read. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Go have fun.  I promise it’s not as difficult as some people make it out to be.

Someone genuinely tried to argue with me that the “White haired version of Morpheus” was not created by Neil Gaiman and was created long after he was done writing The Sandman.  If you have read The Sandman you would understand how wrong this is. 

Don’t try to bluff having read The Sandman if you have not.  We can tell.  We can always tell.  

8.  There are gatekeepers trying to intimidate new readers into thinking there’s nothing whimsical in The Sandman and that it’s “So deep” and “you won’t get it the first time you read it.  You have to read it a few times to understand it.”

Yes, there is darkness in The Sandman. It’s part dark fantasy / part Gothic Horror with moments of gore but there are light things too.   Don’t discourage new readers.   I promise the story isn’t as hard to get into as some people make it out to be. I know terms like “Classic” can make some people chafe.  Just give it a try.  If you don’t like the first issue, try the second. If you don’t like the second, keep going until at least issue four.  If you still don’t like it after issue 4, it’s okay to stop.  No one will judge you.  If you don’t like comic books, try the audio drama, it’s divided into chapters like a novel.  Each issue being a chapter.   If you don’t like it after chapter four, that’s okay.  You’ll know if you like it or not by then. 

9.  There is already fan art of Tom Sturridge as Morpheus in funny / ridiculous scenarios.  No picture is given here as I did not get permission from the artists to share them yet.

10. There are already people complaining about the casting without having watched the show yet. One faction claiming the casting is “too woke” while another faction seemed concerned that it’s not inclusive enough even though Desire is nonbinary and pansexual, Death is a black woman, Rose and Unity are black women, Ruthven Sykes is a black man, Lucienne is a black woman who wears spectacles, Lucifer (who has no set gender or even sexual reproductive organs) is being played by a woman, Alexander Burgess is gay, The Corinthian is gay, Johanna Constantine is bisexual, Cain and Abel are South Asian...      

There even seem to be politically charged rants complaining because the English language show, with an English cast, written by an English writer, has a lead actor with an English accent...

So what do I have to say about Tumblr discovering The Sandman? 

Well..

 Welcome to the Sandom!  

You’re in for quite a ride.   And don’t put your fingers too close to The Corinthian’s face.  Just... Don’t.

[prettybillycore]

Stranger Things Have Happened In Hawkins || Harringrove x Reader (2/4)

Pairing(s) in this Part: 

Billy Hargrove x Winchester!reader x Steve Harrington 

Minor Dean Winchester x Castiel

[ Later Installment: Billy Hargrove x Winchester!reader x Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson ]

Universe: crossover supernatural universe x stranger things universe

Summary: Billy finally gets the courage to ask Reader out, but bliss never lasts long in Hawkins

Rating: Teen 

Word Count: 7.9k

Warnings: Mentions of Neil Hargrove’s Abuse of Billy and Max, Mentions of John Winchester’s Abuse of Sam and Dean, Smoking, Language, Canon Typical Violence, Slight Canon Timeline Divergence

Read it on AO3 or right here on Tumblr (under the cut on this post)

The sun was almost completely in the sky by the time things were settled. You were in the living room of the Byers’ house. Some of the kids had gone off to the bedrooms to rest, but a lot of the members of the group were with you. Steve, Billy, and Hopper were sitting on the couch. Dustin and Max were on either end, more leaning than sitting really. Joyce was tending to Will’s wounds in the kitchen, Mike was sitting at the table with him. Eleven, Jonathan, and Lucas were all asleep in other rooms of the house. You were feeling anxiety rise in your throat as everyone watched you. You were pacing a bit, trying to decide what the best story was. You weren’t too worried about any angels or demons feeling your presence. The power of the upside down and Eleven should have been enough to keep you hidden. You just didn’t know how much of the truth you should tell. How much was too far? At the same time, you didn’t know if you could lie to them now. They were all waiting so patiently to hear you tell the truth about your identity. They had all seen you use your powers, so they knew something was different about you. The skin on your lips was chewed raw and you felt your body shaking. You weren’t sure if you were shaking enough for anyone else to notice, but it was clear to you. This wasn’t like your childhood; you didn’t have your dad around to find you a new hiding place anymore. Cas and Dean weren’t around to protect you either. You were going to have to make your choice; run away from Hawkins without answering any questions, but risk Cas not being able to find you or telling them the truth and risking rejection/an unsafe situation. “Are you from the lab?” Dustin blurted out. Everyone else on the couch gave him glares in response. He shrugged. “What? I thought that might be a good starting point. She’s clearly nervous.”

“A little forward, don’t you think, dork?” Max asked. 

“It’s alright,” you replied. The attention was instantly back on you. “No, I’m not from the lab or the upside down… I have never seen anything like those monsters before in my life, the closest thing I’ve seen is hellhounds… and hellhounds are not nearly that powerful.” 

“Is that why you asked about demons earlier? Is the upside down some weird version of hell?” Max questioned. 

“What? Demons?” Hopper asked.

Max nodded. “Yeah, she said ‘Demons? Angels? Leviathans? Pagan Gods?’ when she first got to the house with Billy.”

You shook your head. “Trust me, that is nothing like hell. Hell has an order; a king, guards, rivalries, betrayals– the energy of the upside down is much more chaotic than that. The truth is I have no idea where to even begin filling you all in. You all have dealt with enough do to the gate, I don’t want to burden you with more supernatural shit than you’ve already been exposed to.”

“You’re not a burden to us, Y/n,” Steve cut in. “You’re one of us at this point, hell, I don’t know if we would have gotten through this whole thing without you here. Whatever you are going through; wherever you’re from– we can handle it.”

You smiled gently at Steve. General expressions of agreement came from the others. Billy’s effect was the flattest, but he still was focusing on you. You didn’t know how to feel about him right now, but if he and the others were all in agreement, you could continue to try to give them an explanation. “I’m sort of like Eleven,” you started, “I can locate people by feeling their energies through their belongings or pictures; like I did with Max. It’s how Billy and I found you all… I can move things with my mind as I did with Billy to stop him from attacking Lucas… but I can do a lot of things that Eleven, I don’t think, can do. I can sense souls, teleport, and kill monsters with just a snap of my fingers; among other things… all of this is built into my blood. My mother is an incredible magic user; my father… my father was an angel.”

“Is Cas dead?” Hopper asked. 

“Cas is alive, I think.” You bit your tongue to keep from crying. “Cas and his partner aren’t my biological parents, but when my father died he left me to them. You could say he doesn’t trust my mother with me, but that would be a drastic understatement. I don’t know why he chose Hawkins, the house I live in, or anything else for that matter, but he had no other choice. Due to my nature, a lot of people where I’m from want me dead.” You wiped a few falling tears away from your eyes and lifted the edge of your shirt just enough for your audience to see the faint stab wound on your side. “I was almost murdered the day I arrived in Hawkins. A family friend patched me up, Cas had me say goodbye to everyone, and he brought me here. He said it would only be a few days; he said it would only be until he found the angel who was trying to kill me, but clearly, it’s been more than a few days. I don’t know if he’s coming back for me, or if he’s even alive at this point.”

“Can you still feel his soul?” Max asked.

You shook your head again. “Hawkins is too far away from my home to feel them. I haven’t felt any of my family’s presence since I’ve been here. Only Cas knows where I am. He didn’t tell anyone because he was afraid of his partner and our other family being tortured for information. I can, as well as angels, see people’s memories through physical contact. He was concerned that an angel would find me if anyone else knew. That also means if Cas is gone–”

“There’s no one to come back for you…” Dustin finished. You nodded and covered your mouth with your hand. A sob made its way out of your mouth and Steve was instantly on his feet. He pulled you into another hug and you welcomed it; sobbing into his chest. “I miss them so much, I miss home.”

Steve sighed, “I’m sorry Y/n. Is there any way for us to get you there?”

Another sob erupted from the pit of your stomach. “No… Unless you know how to open interdimensional portals at will, I don’t think any of you can help.”

“Do you have a brother?” Dustin piped up.

You pulled away from Steve a bit to look at him. “What?”

“In your family, back home, did you have a brother?”

“Uh…” Kevin flashed across your vision. You smiled a small bit. “Yeah, I guess you could say I had a brother.”

Dustin grinned. “Well, until we figure out how to get you home, I’m your brother! And– I have a lot of friends how many siblings do you have?”

You and Steve both laughed a bit, but his offer did warm your heart. “Thank you, Dustin. I appreciate it. You are all like a family to me now; we saved the world together, that’s the main requirement in my book.”

| < ♥️ > |

The Snow Ball was just around the corner for the Hawkins Middle Schoolers– and a similar dance, prom, wasn’t far behind for the Hawkins High Schoolers; it was only a few months away and it was on everyone’s minds. Hopper had secured paperwork for both you and Eleven, so you would be able to attend school after winter break and she would be able to feel safe going outside. You were officially registered as Y/n Winchester at Hawkins High and you were nervous, but excited. Eleven was happily spending days at your house or at Hopper’s place. She was dating Mike and her friendships with the others were blooming. You didn’t get your paperwork in time to be a chaperone for the Snow Ball, but you knew that Nancy was going to be there, which gave you some comfort. You all had saved the world and the gate was closed– the Party deserved to have some fun. Eleven was getting ready in your bathroom and asked you to help her with her hair. You never had a younger sister before, but you wanted to give her the world. She opened the drawers and started carelessly looking through your makeup. There wasn’t much, but you had picked up a few things on shopping trips with Nancy. She asked if she could use some of it, and of course, you accepted. You even pulled out your favorite dark lipstick and showed her how to apply lip products by using yourself as an example. You felt a little silly just wearing lipstick, but at the same time, it made you feel sort of powerful. You were helping her with her hair as she stretched the phone cord into the bathroom so she could talk to Max. “You’re gonna look great tonight, El! Y/n’s got such cool style. I bet she’s gonna make you look bitchin’!”

Max was so happy to have a friend like El in Hawkins and chat on the phone like this, but she needed to go finish getting ready. “I’ll see you there El, I’ve gotta go finish getting ready!”

El exclaimed a ‘goodbye Max’ and the ginger hung up the phone. She rushed to her mom and asked for help with her hair. It was pretty and usually easy to style, but she wanted to make sure it looked extra good for the Snow Ball. It was her first real school dance, after all. Her mom was pulling on her hair, but she promised that it would be worth it. Billy briefly looked at the pair, but soon started to head out the door. Max overheard him talking to a random girl earlier, but that wasn’t going to cut it for her. She had an idea and she knew she couldn’t let him go on that date. “Billy!” she called.

He turned to look at her, quirking his eyebrow. The cigarette in his mouth was lazy hanging between his lips and his face looked almost entirely dull. “Stop by a store, pick up some flowers, and go apologize to Y/n. You’ve been moping for days and going on a date with some other girl isn’t gonna fix that.”

Both Billy and Max’s mom were surprised by her outburst, but her mom was even more shocked by his reaction. “She’s not going to be chaperoning your dance? That sounds like something she would do.”

“No she’s not, she didn’t get the paperwork ready in time. Go ask her to your dance. She’ll say yes, you know.”

Billy looked away from her and took a long drag from his cigarette. “Thanks for the pep talk, shithead.” She was disappointed for a moment, but he sighed and she could tell what he was thinking by the look on his face. “I’ll go.”

| < ♥️ > |

You were about to head to your car with El, but you heard the Camaro pull up. “What the hell?” You mumbled. You looked briefly at El before heading to the window to check. It was indeed Billy. He was sitting in the driver’s seat of his car. “Stay here for just a second, El, I’ll be right back. Help yourself to some water or anything you want out of the fridge.”

She looked concerned, but she just nodded and walked toward your kitchen. Billy started to get out of the Camaro as you walked out the front door. “What are you doing here, Hargrove?”

He looked at you for a moment before turning back to his car, rummaging inside of it for a moment. He pulled out a bouquet. The flowers were slightly crumpled, but that didn’t bother you. He shrugged. “I needed to come talk to you and Max said I should bring you some flowers.”

You approached him cautiously, but a small smile did make its way onto your face. “Oh yeah? That’s very nice of Max, I’ll be sure to thank her.”

He chuckled. “Hey, I picked them out.”

You grabbed the flowers from his hands, letting your fingers brush his as you did so, “I’ll thank you after you tell me what you needed to talk to me about.”

He placed his tongue between his teeth and rocked on his heels. “I came to say I’m sorry.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been wanting to since the night where all that shit happened. I never ever should have called you a freak. You or the kid; I was just afraid. I’d never seen anything like that before, not that that’s an excuse. All this to say, I am sorry. I really really like you and don’t want this to be the end of us; if you’re still willing to take me for a drive in that sexy impala of yours I would go anytime.” He held your hand that was wrapped around the bouquet. You could feel him shaking. You could see how nervous he was, even though he was trying to play it off. 

“I forgive you, Billy. I would be happy to take you for a drive in the Impala sometime, as long as you promise to apologize to Max and her friends for that night too. I really really like you too and I don’t know how long I’m going to be in Hawkins, but I would love to spend my time left getting to know you.”

“For you, Doll, I’d do anything. I’ll work on something for the kids, promise.” He gently set his hand on your cheek and you couldn’t help, but lean into his touch. You couldn’t deny that you felt a spark with Billy. He was battered and broken, but something about his soul’s energy made you feel safe. “There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What’s that?” you asked.

“I know it’s still a little far away, but I was wondering, if you’re still in Hawkins– would you like to go to prom with me?”

You broke out into a grin. “If it gets here and you still want to go with me, I think that it could be fun.”

His eyes looked between yours and your lips. The quick glances made your heart pound. “Trust me, Doll. I’ll still want to go with you.” His hand moved from your cheek to your neck and your eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his lips against yours. 

You pulled away after a few seconds, “if I could stand here all night kissing you I would, but I promised Hopper I would give El a ride to the dance tonight. How about we go for that joyride tomorrow night?” 

His grin was large and undeniable. He was a little sad that he couldn’t be with you more now, but he wasn’t going to push it. “Sounds perfect to me, Darlin’. Before you go, though, I want to give you one more thing.” He reached around the back of his neck and unclasped his necklace. It was small, but it was immediately recognizable as his. He knew anyone that attended Hawkins High would know you had gotten it from him. “Can I put this on you?”

“Are you sure?” you asked. “I’ve never seen you without it.”

“Exactly, Doll. When you come to school after break, everyone will know you’re already mine.”

“I’ll play your game, you can put it on me,” you replied. He tucked his tongue between his teeth again as he closed the clasp around your neck. “Though, you are the devil, Billy Hargrove.” 

| < ♥️ > |

Billy was leaning on his car, waiting for the Impala to appear in the parking lot. Max was watching him closely as she gathered all of her belongings from the car. She giggled and shook her head. Billy pulled the cigarette from between his teeth, but he didn’t look away from the road. “What’s so funny, Ginger?”

Max closed her door and walked over to his side of the car. She watched him spend all of his winter break with you. You hosted DnD for the party at your house and movie nights for you, Steve, Billy, and whoever was willing to put up with their rivalry. Billy kept his eyes on you and only you if you were in the room and he hated going more than a day without seeing you. She smiled at her stepbrother. “You, jerk, are completely in love. It’s so endearing that I want to puke.” She dropped her skateboard to the ground as his jaw hung open. The step-siblings were starting to get along better and Max had gotten comfortable enough to start teasing Billy back. He wasn’t sure if it was fun or insulting sometimes. “Enjoy your first day back, lovebird.”

With that, she was gone. Billy made a ‘tsk’ sound with his tongue as he watched your car pull up next to his. You smiled at him as you got out of your car. “Well hello there, loverboy.”

He smiled brightly at you and stomped his cigarette out under his boot. “Doll, you took so long to get here that I thought you might have decided to skip.”

“And miss a chance to hang out with you, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan all day? Never, in a million lifetimes.” He grabbed your cheek and pulled you in for a kiss. You could feel eyes watching you, but you just dug your hands into his hair. It was soft under your fingertips. “Are the girls at this school gonna watch us make out all the time?” You mumbled, your lips barely apart. 

He looked away from you briefly to see that you two were attracting some attention. “Let them stare, Darlin’. None of them come close to you. Besides, isn’t it fun to be the center of attention?” He smirked, already knowing your answer.

“Sweet, but that sounds like my worst nightmare actually.”

“Somehow I knew you were gonna say that.”

“Hey! Shitheads!” Steve called as he hopped out of his car. “Are you coming in with me or what? You don’t want to be late. You have Mr. Chapman for homeroom now and he’ll have your heads if you’re late.”

Billy rolled his eyes and you laughed. You grabbed Billy’s hand and started dragging him toward your now, mutual friend, Steve. “We’re coming!”

| < ♥️ > |

The summer in Hawkins was way hotter than you thought it would be. You dated Billy through prom season and all the way into the off-school months. He and Max were sleeping at your house pretty much all the time, you were hosting DnD night for the party, and you felt entirely in love. Billy wasn’t perfect, but he kept his promise to get better. He worked on his mental health and did his best to keep his temper under control. It all meant the world to you. His presence in your little Hawkins life made you feel whole. You were starting to accept that Cas probably wasn’t coming back for you. It was okay though; Steve gave you free ice cream every time you went to visit him at Scoops and Billy told you every night all the events of his day at the pool. You missed Cas, Kevin, and Dean dearly. However, the longer you were in Hawkins, the more you grieved your losses and started to move on. The Party had become your own little family and you were, for the first time since Gabriel’s death, happy. Billy was gently playing with your fingers as you rested together in your bed. “I swear Y/n, these fucking moms spend their days staring at me. I’m polite to them, but Jesus, don’t they have anything better to do?”

You chuckled, “Probably not. I’ve met some of them before. They have mediocre husbands at best. They are just bored of the lives they’ve created for themselves and are passing their fantasies onto you. It’s gross.”

“Now why would they be trying to use me for their weird fantasies?” He smirked. 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re young, hot, and work at a job where you never have a shirt on. Even so, it’s nasty, Billy. They are creepy for doing all that shit.”

He could feel you becoming tenser. He squeezed your hand for reassurance. “It’s alright, Doll. You know I feel nothing toward them.”

You turned toward him. His features looked soft yet slightly worried. You rested your free hand on his cheek. “They shouldn’t be feeling anything toward you, my love. That’s my point. On the other hand, I wish we could get Steve to notice us.”

He laughed, but nodded slightly in agreement. “Right? You’d think it would be easier to get the attention of a walking bisexual crisis, but no.”

“You’re off tomorrow, right? Steve’s working, we should go visit him. He and his coworker Robin have started a game. I think we could help Steve score his first few points.” The look in your eye was devilish. 

Billy and you had all late-night conversations. Max would be asleep in the would-be-sam room and the two of you would gaze at your ceiling while chatting, much like you were doing right now. One of these conversations led to a sexuality and crushes talk; where you both learned that the other was queer and polyamorous– and you both had crushes on Steve. The sailor boy had admitted to you two earlier that day that he was bi-curious and poly. It made you both panic in the absolute best way. 

You and Billy had been plotting all summer about asking Steve to join your relationship, or at least inquire about his interest in the idea. You were both too nervous to act on the idea though. You would flirt with him all the time, but he never quite seemed to get the hint. However, Billy was off duty tomorrow and Steve was working at Scoops. He spilled to you earlier about his game with Robin– “she is tracking how many people he successfully asks out.”

That sentence piqued Billy’s interest. “Interesting… how can we use this information?”

“Well, you and I were supposed to have a mall date tomorrow, right? Why don’t we just… stop for some ice cream and see if we can lead Steve into asking us out instead? Since he hasn’t been catching on it our hints and all. I mean when he came out to us I literally said we’re both open to dating other people and he still didn’t react. If this plan doesn’t work we can flat out ask him about it when he gets off tomorrow, but I’d like to try this. It could be fun, besides, he’s adorable in that sailor suit.” 

The glimmer in Billy’s eyes was one of excitement and adoration. “Either way, we find out what Steve’s thoughts are tomorrow.”

“Yeah, we do. Either way, no matter what he says, I love you and want to be with you, Billy. I hope Steve will be open to the idea, but if he’s not, we can still continue just the way we are.”

Billy leaned forward and your hand slipped from his cheek into his hair. “I love you too. Nothing about us is changing; I wouldn’t change what we have for anything. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

You felt your eyes becoming watery, but you did your best to hold back the tears. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me too.”

“I would walk to the end of the universe if it meant I got to be with you even for just one more minute. I know I’m not a good person and I don’t always feel like I deserve being in the constant presence of a literal angel, but I am so glad you are here.”

You threw your arms around him without saying another word. “You are worthy of my love, Billy,” you whispered. The tears and general throat tightness made your words sound a little raspy. This didn’t go unnoticed and Billy hugged you back tightly. He didn’t let himself cry much, but in the quiet moment, he felt a few tears slip.

“I love you, so much, Y/n.”

| < ♥️ > |

Even in the chaotic Starcourt Mall parking lot, your car attracted a lot of attention. Many of the girls from Hawkins High were watching Billy closely as you both got out of the Impala. You couldn’t contain your glare. Billy chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “It’s a good thing your powers don’t extend to murderous stares.”

You stuck your tongue out in response as you both started walking toward the mall entrance. “You’d be annoyed if guys were constantly looking at me.”

He briefly glanced in your direction before shaking his head. “You are absolutely oblivious, aren’t you, Doll?”

“About what?” you asked as you entered the mall. The sounds of the food court were completely overwhelming. 

“The number of guys that stared at you all day at school.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh please, all the girls were looking at you, but there weren’t any boys looking at me.”

“That, is a lie, trust me. I had to tell so many guys off. Listen, if I thought you might like them, I would have let it go, but it was pretty much all guys who are not your type.”

“Who did you threaten?” Your tone was serious, but you were grinning. Billy knew that you were completely capable of handling your own boy problems, but the fact that he was protective was endearing.

“Mostly Jason and Tommy. They were the only ones who were… persistent, even though they both have girlfriends and I doubt their relationships are polyamorous.”

“Yeah, me too. Fuck jocks; they give me the creeps most of the time.”

He chuckled and bit his lip. “Oh trust me, Darlin, I am well aware of your disdain for jocks. You scowl at anyone wearing a letterman jacket.”

“Letterman jackets are boring. I’m more into rockers, emos, and metalheads.”

He leaned over and kissed your forehead. “That’s how you ended up with me. I thank every star in the sky that I didn’t join the basketball team.”

You scrunched up your nose in disgust as you reached the entrance of Scoops Ahoy. “Only exception is currently scooping ice cream for your step sister and… is that Eleven?”

The two girls were giggling as Steve scooped their ice cream. You were about to interrupt, but Billy kept you next to him by holding his grip on your shoulders. “Let them be kids. They don’t get to do that much.”

You snorted. “Wow, you sound like me when I’m scolding Hopper.”

“I’ve learned a thing or two about being an older sibling this year.”

“Oh yeah?” You questioned. Another smirk adorned your features. “Why don’t you show me these things you’ve learned.”

He looked toward the kids and moved away from you. “Gladly.”

You watched carefully as he headed inside of the shop. “Ahoy Harrington!” Steve’s head shot up so quickly at the sound of Billy’s voice that he almost hit his head on the ice cream display. Max and El both turned as well, but they had less of a drastic reaction. 

“Ahoy Hargrove. What are you doing here?” 

Billy pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and tossed some money onto the counter. “Their ice cream is on me.”

Steve handed the two girls their cones and grabbed the money off the counter, “You two are all set then.”

The girls looked at each other and smiled. “Thanks, asshole,” Max teased.

“Yeah, thanks, Billy!” El said. The girls clasped their free hands together and ran out of the shop. Max spotted you and smiled before turning her attention back to Eleven. You eyed them curiously for a moment and tucked away your questions for another time. 

“So… do girls like the sailor get up?” Billy pestered. He was leaning his elbows on the counter and had his chin resting in his palms. Steve seemed curious and slightly annoyed by Billy’s question. 

“So far, no,” Robin answered. She was wiping off tables nearby. “No dates for Steve yet this summer.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Robin.” 

“No problem, Dork.”

The boy closed the ice cream display doors and eyed Billy closely. “She’s right though, so far, it hasn’t exactly been a hit.”

Billy looked Steve over. Steve could feel his cheeks flushing. You noticed Robin watching the interaction. She was looking toward the boys rather than the table she was cleaning. “Can’t imagine why the uniform isn’t just… reeling them in.”

Steve rolled his eyes again and was going to spout off about the unfortunate pun, but you decided it was the right time to cut in. “Play nice, Billy. I think Steve looks nice.”

Steve’s expression lit up when he heard your voice. “Thank you, Y/n.”

“Although,” you mused as you approached the counter, “I think you’d look better without the hat.” You reach over the edge of the counter and snatched the hat off of his head. You placed it on your own; it slumped a little bit into your vision, but based on the looks Billy and Steve were giving you– you guessed it looked cute. “Your hair is fantastic. The other girls are probably rating your hotness level lower than usual because they couldn’t see the fluff.” You reached forward again and messed up Steve’s hair. You and Billy made quick eye contact; Steve looked hot and you were both thinking just that. “There, perfect.”

Steve’s cheeks were bright red, though he was trying to play the whole thing off. “It’s uh– company policy to wear the hat, though, I think you suit it more than I do.”

You glanced toward the board behind him. He followed your gaze and shot a confused look between you and Billy. “His hotness is off the charts now, don’t you think Billy?” You said quietly. Even Robin wouldn’t have been able to hear it, but Billy and Steve sure did. 

Billy smirked at you before looking toward Steve. “Definitely. What would you say to gaining a few points, Harrington?” Billy nodded toward the board. His voice was low just like yours.

Steve continued to look at you both with a confused expression. “You know, adding two points to the ‘you rule’ side?”

Steve looked back toward the board quickly before his face completely contorted. Even though you and Billy had been flirting with him all summer– it was just in this moment clicking. “You– You two?” he whispered. You both nodded. “Movie night, Tonight? But like… not as friends.”

“Sounds like a date to me,” you answered, “My place, 9 pm.”

“I’ll be there.”

You and Billy both pulled away slightly. “See you then, Harrington,” Billy said with a wink before walking toward the exit of the store. 

You took the hat off your head and handed it back to him. “Only took you all summer–” you teased.

“Listen– you two are intimidating.”

You laughed. “Us? Intimidating? We could never?” 

Steve rolled his eyes yet again at your sarcasm and put his hat back on. “Are we actually gonna watch movies?” 

You shrugged playfully. “I dunno, we’ll see. Have a nice afternoon, Stevie.”

| < ♥️ > |

You were putting a little bit of makeup on, staring at the details of your face to a point that you started to feel like you weren’t real anymore. No matter what you tried, nothing quite looked right. You sighed and put the lipstick tube you were holding back down on the counter. You were wearing a big T-shirt that Cas had left in your room. It was clearly meant for you– he knew you loved wearing oversized closed to bed. You let the shirt hang down to your mid-thigh, and a pair of soft shorts were peaking out from underneath. It was just a normal, comfy outfit for movie night, but something about this particular Motörhead shirt made you feel confident. It was black and distressed and pretty cute, all things considered. You decided to put on a bit of makeup because it was your first date with Steve, but the more you fiddled with your face, the less you felt good. The only person you had ever really been on dates with was Billy. Even though you three were just going to be at your house and probably talking things out, you still felt like you needed to look nice. You didn’t often feel insecure– you weren’t the world’s most confident person by any means, but you didn’t encounter these feelings often with Billy around. He was always trying to boost your confidence. You lightly slapped your cheeks a few times and pulled the skin down a bit before letting go. “Get it together Y/n. You–”

Your pep talk was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Steve and you both enjoyed secret handshakes and such, so it was a specific knock. Your heart fluttered at the sound. Billy had gone back to his house to freshen up for the date and you were surprised that Steve beat him to your house. It made you worry a bit, but you tried to put it out of your mind. You smiled brightly at Steve as you opened the door. He was wearing his pajamas with his simple gray jacket over them. The only thing that made this different from the usual movie night was the fact that he had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “Hey, Y/n.”

“Hey, Steve! Are those for us?”

He smiled lightly. “Yeah, is Billy here yet?” 

You shook your head. “Not yet, but I’m sure he’ll be here soon. He probably is singing into his hairbrush handle as we speak.”

Steve laughed and handed you the flowers. You both headed inside the house. “Does he really do that? Sing into his hairbrush, I mean.”

You chuckled. “Oh yeah. Every fucking day. It’s honestly adorable. I have a video of it on my camera. If you remind me later, I’ll show it to you.”

“I’d like that.” Steve leaned himself against the counter as you worked to get the flowers set up. “Can I ask you something, Y/n?”

“Yeah, of course, you can, Steve.”

“Do you and Billy both really like me, or did you just want to help me score in Robin’s game?” 

You tossed him a confused look before turning your attention back to the vase in front of you. “Genuinely Steve, we both really like you. We had a conversation about it earlier this summer. We’ve both been flirting with you for like the last month while Dustin’s been gone, but I don’t think you’ve been picking up on it. When you told me about Robin’s game, it gave us an opportunity for us to be more forward without just straight up asking you. You’ve made Billy nervous since the day he first moved here, and I’ve had a crush on you for like, uhm… probably a few months now? Once Billy and I realized we are both poly and into you, it wasn’t a hard decision. We knew we wanted to ask you out, we just didn’t know how.”

Steve smiled as you turned around to face him again. The flowers were resting in a medium-sized vase on the counter. He hugged you tightly, resting his chin on top of your head. You hugged him back with the same amount of force. “I really really like both of you,” he said quietly. 

Your heart felt like it was going to explode. “We really like you too, Steve.” You pulled back slightly from the hug. “Speaking of ‘we’ let me check on Billy.” 

Steve nodded. “Okay. Are you gonna do the mind thing?”

You giggled and rubbed his arm softly. “Yeah, the mind thing,” you replied before closing your eyes. Normally, all you had to do was think about Billy and a clear image of what he was doing would come to your mind. You frowned slightly when nothing came up. You could feel his energy was somewhere in Hawkins, but it wasn’t at his house and it was incredibly distorted. “Billy?” you questioned. “Billy, where are you?”

Everything remained dark. You got no immediate response. Your connection to him was usually so strong; this was completely freaking you out. “I’m sure he’s okay, Y/n,” Steve soothed. 

You were suddenly hit with overwhelming fear. It wasn’t your fear though, it was Billy’s. You just saw him around 4. That was only 5 and a half hours ago. Sure, it was a decent chunk of time, but it wasn’t that long. “Baby, can you tell me where you are? What’s happening? Why are you scared?”

“He’s got me. He’s fucking got me. I’m so sorry Y/n. I can’t come near you. He wants to kill you.” The message was faint, but you were sure of what he said. Images came in flashes; crashed Camaro, dark street, Billy screaming, him being dragged, and some kind of terrible monster.

Your eyes flew open and you screamed bloody murder. Steve wrapped his arms tightly around you again as you cried. “Y/n? Y/n what happened? What did you see?”

“It’s the upside down, again. They’ve got Billy.”

| < ♥️ > |

You and Steve parted ways as he received a red alert from Robin, who cracked some sort of code. You weren’t really sure what was going on, but he promised he would explain everything to you after he made sure it was okay. He insisted that it would all be okay and gave you a kiss on the forehead before taking off in his truck. You set off, on a mission to find Billy. You had no idea what was going on there either– all you really knew is that he was under someone else’s control and he was deeply scared. Your heart was absolutely broken; you couldn’t bare the thought of anything bad happening to Billy. He was by no means perfect, but he meant everything to you at his point. You would kill any monster that stood between you and him.

You teleported yourself to his house because you figured it was the best place to start. You hated the place with a passion, but much like when you went to Jonathan’s house for the first time– you could feel the essence of his soul in the soil. You kept yourself out of the window sight lines. The last thing you wanted to do was attract the attention of his father. Neil Hargrove reminded you a lot of the stories Dean had told you about John, his father. You did everything you could to make sure Max and Billy both felt welcome to stay at your house anytime they felt unsafe. You made Hopper aware of the things going on in the house and you knew that if anything happened again with Neil, Billy and Max were both comfortable enough with Hopper to call his personal number. Unfortunately, you knew that this was no Neil situation. This was something much, much more demonic. 

There was no Camaro in the driveway and there was no skateboard resting on the stairs. Max was probably still with Eleven if you had to guess, but you were incredibly anxious to find Billy. You knew he was trying to keep you away. Whatever monster had him, he thought could hurt you. You appreciated the concern, but you were much more worried for his safety than your own. You followed the road for a while, down the route Billy always took from his house to yours. There were fresh traces of his energy in the gravel– he had definitely started on the way to your house. Your tracing brought you to a crossroads and you felt a shiver go down your spine. You had visited crossroads demons a number of times before; pleading for Dean’s soul from purgatory and looking for information about your father, Gabriel. Working with crossroads demons never seemed to get you anything though; they couldn’t collect your soul and they knew that. You didn’t have much to offer them as a trade for their services. Though, both Ruby and Crowley bargained with you prior to you meeting the Winchester boys. You didn’t trust either of them, but they were willing to bend the rules of their usual contracts to give you information, so you appreciated them. Crowley used you to work his way up the chain of command in Hell, demons were very afraid of you, for the most part. Ruby, tricked you into helping her release Lucifer from his cage. While you weren’t proud of the things that you did in relation to your deals, you didn’t regret them. In fact, in this moment, where your powers were completely failing you, you wished you had some demonic guidance. 

You knew you couldn’t get help from demons in this case, though. You didn’t have any allies in 1985 Hell and you didn’t want to risk the angels in Heaven finding your hiding place. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. It was difficult to feel Billy’s presence, but you felt a pull toward the edge of town, so you started off down the left path. It was raining by this point, but you didn’t care. Your biggest concern was still finding Billy and getting rained on wasn’t going to deter you from your goal. The farther away you got from the crossroads, the stranger the energy around you became. Before you knew it, you found yourself at the Wheeler household. You had only been there a few times to pick up Nancy. The energy around the house was tense and heavy. Something was wrong here too, just like it was at Billy’s house. You jogged up to the door and rang the doorbell. Thunder and dark clouds loomed overhead. Nancy opened the door and you could immediately tell that she had been crying. “What happened, Nancy?”

She gave you a confused look. “What are you doing here, Y/n?”

“Why were you crying?”

“Have you been walking in the rain?” she asked.

“Something is deeply wrong and I was lead here. Did something happen today?”

“Aside from Jonathan and I getting fired, nothing much happened today. Though, last night one of the elderly ladies I met through work had to go to the hospital. Jonathan and I found her eating fertilizer.” 

You nearly gagged at the thought. “I don’t think that explains what I saw, though that is incredibly odd. I saw visions of Billy being terrified and some huge upside-down-looking monster. Have you heard from Will or Jonathan?”

| < ♥️ > |

Between the machines under the mall interfering with your powers and the Mind Flayer’s abilities fogging up your brain space, you felt completely helpless. Nothing felt right anymore and you were absolutely terrified about what was happening to Billy. You split from the group when they went to the hospital. You were set on looking for your boyfriend. Max gave you a long hug before she agreed to leave with her friends. You promised her that you would be safe even though you didn’t know if you would be able to keep that promise. That wasn’t like you at all, but you didn’t want her to worry about you. 

You were horrified when Dustin found you wandering the mall (looking for Steve) and told you where he and Robin were. You couldn’t teleport anymore; you felt like your body was made of weights. You had been out all night and the rest of the next day looking for Billy. You had come up with very little information and you could tell whatever was going on with the town was affecting your abilities. You didn’t know why, but it was limiting you to the simpler things– moving objects, fast healing, and such. Dustin was disappointed when he realized you couldn’t just teleport yourself down into the secret base and solve the problem instantly, but he was glad that you were there to help nonetheless. You were able to bypass all the locks and knock out the guards with a snap of your fingers. 

You, Dustin, and Lucas’s sister Erica were able to get Steve and Robin out of the facility. You all tried to sneak out of the mall, but more guards were flooding the place with every minute that passed. You set Eleven a message for help, but until the younger girl appeared you had no idea if it had worked. You were thrilled when she appeared and even more excited when Joyce, Hopper, and a man you didn’t recognize came a few minutes later. 

The adults were all getting ready for battle now– you were curled up in a ball. Eleven told you what she saw when Billy came looking for her. You had your knees pulled up to your chest and your head down. Your body was wracked with sobs and you couldn’t control them at all. It was the first time, since the Leviathans, that you truly felt like there was nothing you could do to help. You and El both were absolutely exhausted. Her powers were almost completely drained and yours were working at around 30% of what they usually were. You felt someone sit down next to you. “We’re gonna get out of this, Y/n.” It was Steve. His voice was quiet. He gently set a hand on the small of your back. 

“What if Billy doesn’t?” You asked.

Steve didn’t respond for a minute. You had no idea what he was doing, but you guessed that he was thinking about the best way to respond. “I don’t know where Billy is, but I promise you we’ll find him and we’ll do whatever we can to save him. If anyone can save him, it’s you, Y/n.”

“No… I can’t, Steve. I’m too weak to force the Mind Flayer out of him.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

You lifted your head up and looked toward him. You watched his expression soften at the sight of your tear-stained face. “What do you mean, Steve?”

“I mean… you’re the most connected to him. If anyone can get past the Mind Flayer, if anyone can get to Billy, it’s gonna be you. We can’t save everyone who’s been captured by the monster, but I think we have a good shot at saving Billy. After we stop the people downstairs from opening the upside-down again, I’m sure we’ll find him.”

You nodded and wiped your eyes. “We can do this, right? Together?” 

Steve kissed your forehead again, just like he did when you said goodbye at your house. “Yeah, together.”

| < ♥️ > |

To Be Continued... :)

Tags: @whoringrove @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @urofficial-cyberslut

@strwberryskr @jiminisaslytherin

[ariesbilly]

the physical resemblance between billy and robin is too strong to be ignored so au where neil keeps sneaking out at odd hours and max comes to billy like “i think your dad is cheating on my mom” and billys like “eh i dont know...” and makes lays out all the ‘evidence’ she has which is really nothing, and billys trying to convince her that neil leaving susan would be a good thing, for susan and maxs sake, but max still wont let it go, so it ends up with max dragging billy on stakeouts with her. following neil around, which is dangerous as shit but max is a dog with a bone and wont let it go, so billy figures she’d be doing this anyway and its better to have him around in case neil catches her, so.

eventually they end up outside a house, which max recognizes at robins, and shes like “neils having an affair with robins mom?!” and billy... he’s familiar with adults having The Audacity™ but even he has to admit mrs buckley having an affair in her own house is... a lot. bold, to say the least.

max wants to go confront him right then and there and billys like no thats stupid we’ll figure something else out.

his version of figuring things out is running to robin the next time he sees her to be like ‘yo your moms fucking my dad just thought you should know” and robins like “what the goddamn hell are you talking about ???”

billy explains what he and max saw and robins like “wait neils your dad?!”

so basically neil and robins mom hooked up years ago while neil was in hawkins visiting family or on a business trip, whatever. didnt know he knocked her up. robins mom ending up meeting mr buckley after robin was born but still too young to really know better so robin just took his last name and he was always dad. but with neil living in town now robins mom decided to reach out and have them meet because its a small town, their paths were bound to cross, and robin deserves to know who her bio dad is. and neil never offered up his last name because he knew it would get back to billy and hes trying to avoid a whole scandal. the buckleys dont know what a menace neil is. robin knows billys dad is an ass...but again, she doesnt know neil and billys dad are one in the same.

cue robin saying how nice neil has been to her and billy having a whole crisis because why doesnt he get that version of neil? but he knows why... he doesnt want to burst robins bubble but the whole nice guy act is just a show and if robin sticks around long enough she’ll see his true colors.

AND on top of all this billy and robin have to confront being siblings and dropping this bomb on poor steve lmao whos honestly ecstatic. his boyfriend and his bestie are siblings? feels very convenient for him. until they start pulling the “dont fuck with my brother/sister!” card on him ... and then steves having less fun. max is excited to have robin as a sister now, though. because theyve decided even if theyre not blood related its close enough and no, billy, they dont care what you have to say about it.

[dirtbagdefender]

🩷🧡💛💚🩵💙💜💐🌸 Gimme Billy thoughts for the soul pls n thx

🩷 Why are they your favorite?

ok ok ok . so for as short of a time as we got billy - we got a LOT of characterization for him. like, even with max, we didn't get that much characterization. why? was it dacre? i lean more towards yes than i would contribute that being w the duffers tbh. back to my point - that backstory is legitimately one of the most intriguing characters i've seen in a long time. and there's so much to play with there! he's not just your typical cardboard "bully" -- THERE'S MEAT ON THAT SKELETON, you know?!?

❤️ How did you discover them/get into them?

oh man, so one of my friends loves steve, and she was aghast that i hadn't watched stranger things and i was like, "alright, watch it with me." so. and that was *checks calendar* the fourth of this year. so. you know. normal amount of time to be this obsessed. mhm.

🧡 Do you have anything in common with them?

we're both california transplants in indiana! and... while i didn't live on the ocean quite like he did, i miss being within driving distance of the coast. and uhhhhh. terrible relationships with our dads is 😎 good times. plus, being dramatic is bitchin'.

💛 Do you have any polar opposite traits to them?

i would much rather be playing dnd with eddie and the nerd squad rather than lifting weights with billy.

💚 What are your favorite added rep headcanons for them? (queer labels, disabilities, nationalities, ethnicities, etc.)

ohhhhh i love all of them, because they all feel like... they're common enough for me to get the gist of him, but the way different people write him is so interesting! i think my most favorite is that billy's gay. there's a few where i've read post-s3 where he's disabled from the mind flayer and THOSE are SO GOOD.

🩵 What's a popular headcanon for them you just can't get behind?

not that i can think of? i like seeing what hc's people come up with, how they see them, you know? if there's an hc someone has for him that doesn't fit my version, that's okay! that's their version, and that's the fun in hc's!

💙 What's a popular headcanon for them that you adore?

that he just wants to protect max, as much as he abhors how he's responsible for her. that even though they fought and whatever, at the end of the day, he loved max. i also love when he welcomes the rest of the party into his protection, like a little mother duck or something. oh, i really love when billy has powers, too. 😈

💜 'Put that guy into situations' or 'take that guy out of situations'?

¿ por que no los dos ? put my mans in more situations with children. (specifically erica, so he can shoot down those racist allegations and also be read to absolute filth in .5 seconds from a girl who barely comes up past his hip) get him out of situations with neil.

💐 What are your favorite poly ship(s) for them, if any?

hmmm. harringroveson is the only one i know of? ALTHOUGH i do enjoy the thought of stevexrobinxbilly. so. uh. harringrovely? anyway.

🌸 What are your favorite mono ship(s) for them, if any?

my fave is definitely harringrove. i haven't dipped my toe in mungrove, but i could be persuaded. platonically i love him being besties with heather and being bullied by a mean lesbian who isn't intimidated by his machismo attitude. as seen above, i really love him having a soft spot for erica, as well as jane. and being a "good" big bro to max.

[astragreenwoode]

The Spitfire Curse - Chapter Six

Previous: Chapter Five • Next: Chapter Seven • Masterlist • AO3 Version 

Rating: Explicit(18+ ONLY)

Pairings:  Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC, Steve Harrington x Fem!OC, Eddie Munson x Fem!OC

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Non-specified Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Hypersexuality, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Genre: Adventure, Thriller, Horror, Slow-Burn Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Smut, Fluff, Slight Canon-Divergence, Fix-it fic

And a special thanks to my beta-reader @take-everything-you-can! Thank you so much for all your feedback and ideas, love!

Chapter Six: Red Means "I Love You"

Word Count: 12,861

Chapter Warnings: Sexual Assault, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Drugging, Disembodied Voices, Self-Deprecating Talk, Hypersexual Behaviors and Thoughts, Language, Confusion, Hallucinations, General Angst

Chapter Summary: Billy had been Maeven's classmate since Middle School but only got to know her at a party at the end of their sophomore year. As treasured as that night was to them both, the current state of their relationship isn't as pretty.

THERE'S A HUGE SHIFT IN TONE IN THE STORY FROM HERE ON OUT. REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. IF ANY OF THE WARNINGS CONTAIN TOPICS THAT ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR FEEL FREE TO NOT READ PAST THIS SYMBOL: !*!*!

I feel super nervous publishing this, as it's one of the darkest things I've ever written. This fic is my main outlet for processing all my trauma, so I hope others can understand and appreciate that. Remember to be kind to yourself and do what you need for self-care.

*Originally posted on AO3 on December 20th, 2023

May 1983

The love Billy Hargrove felt for Maeven Mayfield bordered on obsessive.

Growing up, he didn’t exactly have the best example of what real love looks like. One could barely even list his parents as an example. He knew how much his dad loved his mom, even if the way he showed it confused him from time to time. He had pieced it together in his mind that his mom left because she couldn’t handle Dad’s beatings anymore. Neil drove her away from them. It wasn’t Billy’s fault, it was Neil’s.

He wasn’t sure if this made it better or worse, but he sometimes pretended that his mother never loved him at all. At least then, he would have a simple answer for why she left him behind. Knowing how much she cared for him meant she left her little boy with a despicable man, but just didn’t care enough to bring him with her. And he suddenly understood why his dad grabbed women and pulled them back to him; to make them stay.

Eventually, Billy learned to grieve and cope the same way his dad did. He had taken enough beatings from his old man in his short life that the anger and pain that grew inside him only went away when he was inflicting it upon others. He passed his father’s abuse through his heart and soul before forcing that pain upon someone else. And even though Neil refused to show it, Billy knew he missed her as much as he did. Over time, his demeanor grew more cocky and his sense of humor dimmed darker. But he never dared to bring up his mother, lest he get another black eye from his dad that he’d be forced to blame on a sports accident once he stepped inside the school.

Like most High School jocks, sports was a way for Billy to channel all his aggression in a way that no one questioned. Each game played is fueled by rage, aggression, and excitement from both players and spectators. It gave him an excuse; a way out of being seen as a bully. He was well aware that he was a bully, of course. If he could be a different person, he would. But these were the cards he was dealt with by whatever bullshit, narcissistic higher power was in charge. He couldn’t just trade them in for something new. Billy knew he was tainted; born broken. There was no cure for what he was.

And then, Maeven walked into his life, with her long, fiery hair and adorable gap-toothed smile. Billy had seen her around before, of course. She made an impression by being one of the most intelligent kids in their grade once she entered middle school. There were even whispers that she would go on to become Valedictorian once they all entered High School together. But she was also that weird girl who collected animal bones and drew patterns on her arms with sparkly gel pens in class. She was a smartass and a showoff, always the first to volunteer to help the teachers; a goody-two-shoes, someone Billy would never hang out with in a million years. Until she suddenly became a badass out of nowhere. 

In June of 1982, before school was let out for the year, rumors spread that Maeven was arrested for beating the ever-loving shit out of her now ex-boyfriend, Jordan Bernard. Billy wasn’t surprised by this. Jordan always talked big in the locker room about how tight he had two girls wrapped around his fingers, and sometimes his cock. Of course, he stayed quiet about the whole thing, not wanting to admit to his teammates that his broken nose was from a 5’4 freshman girl. But he also seemed ashamed that the situation happened at all, and ended up convincing the police and his father to drop all the charges against her. 

Neither he nor Maeven spoke a word about it, leaving Emily Bernard, his sister,  to spill the beans. Not only did the peace-and-love preaching hippie freak punch someone, but she was arrested as a result.

So maybe Maeven wasn’t a complete nerd or loser like Billy initially thought. That didn’t mean he liked her now. She’d get a free pass from him, sure; maybe even a compliment or two if he happened to catch her in a fight. She ended up getting noticed for being the most aggressive player on the girl’s soccer team, but that was really it. He never thought he’d have to care about her until Susan somehow wandered her way into his dad’s heart.

The following October, after starting his Sophomore Year, Billy noticed his dad was acting differently. Normally, he wouldn’t give a shit about Neil or how he was doing as long as he left him alone and kept the beatings to a minimum. But he seemed suspiciously pleasant when he came home from his job as a security guard at a bank in downtown San Diego. Billy could’ve also sworn he saw him smile, something he had to sit down and process for a moment. He still didn’t dare to ask him what had him so damn happy all of a sudden, as he knew he would probably receive a “mind your own damn business, boy” as a result.

Billy’s only real option to get answers without fueling the fire of his father’s rage was to investigate himself. He drove by the bank, dressed in sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a jacket he otherwise wouldn’t be caught dead in. His dad wasn’t by the front doors like he was supposed to be, but instead chatting up an older redhead woman behind the counter. At first, Billy didn’t really care. His dad fucked around with a different woman every other week, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him sweetening up his next meal before he would eventually toss out the leftovers.

But this was different than all the other women. Neil seemed constantly fixed on her, acting too sweet and sappy for this to just be another booty call. A month after catching a glimpse of her, he came home late one Friday night to see another car parked in the driveway next to his dad’s station wagon. Billy had to park on the street that night as he crashed into his bed, trying his best to drown out the cringe-worthy sex noises coming from the other room.

The next morning, he found himself face-to-face with Susan Mayfield making his dad breakfast, as she awkwardly introduced herself to him. Billy paid her no mind except a quick nod before going back to eat the eggs and bacon he begrudgingly took from her. He didn’t have it in him to admit that her cooking was actually delicious.

For three months, Billy avoided his father and his new shtup like the plague. Neil didn’t ask much of his son, just to acknowledge Susan when she hung out there and not mention her outside of their house. Billy was okay with that. In fact, he could care less. Until he spotted her outside of the regular booty calls and secret date nights with his dad, that is. The worst part? It was at school. Three months after their first, awkward meeting in his kitchen, he finally knew why Susan seemed so familiar. He had seen that shade of red hair on a particular strange classmate of his.

It was only then that Billy took a sudden interest in Maeven. He took a moment to wrap his head around the mere idea that Susan the Buzzkill and Maeven the Freak were mother and daughter. But the more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. Both Mayfield women shared the same annoyingly bubbly personality and stubbornness. 

He considered telling her about her mom’s little affair; how the seemingly perfect housewife with the perfect family was sneaking with his revolting carpet stain of a father. Before he got the chance, rumors circulated in school that Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield were getting divorced. Maeven was visibly sour for weeks that the entire grade now knew the details and circumstances of her family drama.

It pissed him off a little bit, sure. Billy would’ve liked to play a part in shattering Susan’s life after she had the nerve to crawl into his. It didn’t matter, though. Somehow, she managed to shatter her life and her marriage without any help. And he had to admit, it made Maeven more interesting. He tried all different flavors of girls; smart, dense, pretty, sporty, bad, good, sluts, and virgins. But nothing caught Billy Hargrove’s attention quite like a good girl gone bad. 

She had always stood out among their peers, of course. Maeven was constantly fidgeting in her seat, drawing on whatever surface she could find, and using every chance she got to talk about animals. She was in waaayy too many after-school clubs, always raised her hand first in class, and was way too proud of herself. Maeven was always such a show-off, a try-hard, a good girl. 

All these years, she was just a familiar stranger. Billy noticed her around and heard about her, but now that he’s seen her in a different light, a flattering light, it was like he was properly noticing her for the first time. He hadn’t expected someone so nerdy and dorky to suddenly be so naturally pretty, as well. The night he formally introduced himself to her ended up being one of the best nights of Billy’s life. And she didn’t know it yet, but it would end up being one of Maeven’s, too.

Melody Chandler always threw the best parties. Her parents were never home; sort of rich nomads, always on trips for both business and pleasure. They just never bothered to include their daughter in any of them. Every week, they’d have her aunt come in and check on her, but for the most part, Melody had free reign to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it. It was a monthly ritual amongst the Newport Student Body to drown themselves in their drink or drug of choice at Melody’s place. It was the place to be.

In the months following her parents’ separation, Maeven had gained a reputation as quite the fox. Billy wasn’t that surprised that she grew up to be a horny little freak, something he discovered she and her mother had in common. He still remembers when she the hottest topic for weeks in seventh grade after their class trip to the aquarium. That night was still so vivid in his head. He wasn’t sure he could forget about it even if he wanted to. 

The night of the field trip, Maeven went to sleep earlier than their other classmates, tired after a day of running around and telling everyone random facts about the fish and aquatic animals. He remembered that her favorite was the sea otter. When the rest of the grade returned to the auditorium to sleep, everyone was shell-shocked to find her humping the stuffed otter she had gotten that day at the gift shop while in her sleep. She was so mortified she ended up crying herself to sleep in front of the fish tanks with her gang of girlfriends who joined to comfort her. While Billy felt incredibly bad seeing her embarrassed like that, he couldn’t deny that the whole experience left him walking away with something new awakened in him. He still thought about it from time to time; remembering that he had never blushed so hard in his life than he did watching her accidentally humiliating herself. Maybe he liked Maeven for longer than he wanted to admit. He wondered f she still had that otter, and if she still used it the same way she had that night.

Melody’s parties eventually became her favorite place to hunt for people to play with. According to most of the jocks, she was a tease; she liked playing with her food and rarely ever took a bite. She enjoyed taking control, pleasing them with her hands and mouth, often leaving them desperate for her to touch them again. If they were really lucky, she’d grind her clothed sex on their laps until they begged her to stop. Only maybe two or three of them could claim that she let them inside her, including Jordan Bernard.

Apparently, she liked messing around with girls, too, but no girl in school was brave enough to admit that. So the rumor remained unconfirmed. That didn’t stop boys from trying to convince her into a threesome with her and their girlfriends. Most of these attempts were followed by a surprise groping of her ass and ended with her throwing them against the lockers and collapsing their urethras when she kicked them where it hurt most. Maeven the science nerd was now bolder, stronger, sluttier, but definitely not as easy as some of the boys she hooked up with claimed.

All this and more were the reasons that Billy now understood why she gained so many nicknames for herself; Iron Maeven, Metal Maeven, Spitfire. That last one was his personal favorite, as it was criminally underused. It was what her Dad called her, something Billy discovered while spying on Susan.

The second to last of Melody Chandler’s monthly parties for their sophomore year ended up being memorable, indeed. After humiliating yet another sleazeball who tried to grab her without her permission, Maeven retired to the poolside lounge chair where she lit up a freshly-rolled joint she got from Madison Gray. You could always tell when it was hers because of how lush and thick they were.

Most people partied inside towards the second half of the night, the wallflowers chilling outside in the quiet of the night by the now calm pool. Melody’s place wasn’t isolated, per se. It was, however, far away enough from town that the stars could be viewed in all their glory. Maeven even caught a glimpse of the Milky Way, naming the constellations the way her dad used to do with her and Max on clear summer nights just like this.

She missed all the tiny beautiful moments that made up the love she shared with her family. Living without it as a constant reminder every day left her feeling hollow. It may not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but the only things that made her feel whole again were weed and random makeout sessions. Maeven couldn’t just bury herself in her clubs and projects the way she used to. Of course, she still went on regular hiking trips to sketch the flora and fauna of California and find more animal bones, but it just wasn’t doing the trick, anymore.

Occasionally, Maeven would get this feeling whenever she was sad, scared, or worried, that made her feel like gravity no longer applied to her body and that she was being pulled away from the safety of the planet and drifting off into the abyss. It worsened when her parents started fighting, and only grew and grew after their divorce. But the night she finally lit up one of Madison’s legendary blunts, she finally felt safe in her own head, her own body for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

As she inhaled another hit from the blunt, Maeven sunk back into the lounge chair. The warm bliss delightfully fogged up her senses and grounded her to the earth. Everything felt so warm and fluffy, and it still tasted like Heaven despite the grassy, sour flavor of the weed. She giggled to herself.

“Maybe space isn’t so big and scary, after all,” the voice said to her. Maeven silently agreed. It was nice when they found neutral ground even if those times were hard to come by. She furrowed her eyebrows in curiosity and found herself raising her hand.

“What if we could touch it? It’s worth a try.”

Her eyesight blurred the bright constellations and clusters in the sky, almost the same way a blob in a lava lamp would. She wanted to dip her fingers into the Milky Way and use it to paint. But alas, she could only do that once she inquired Madison for some psychedelics. So, Maeven settled for tracing the patterns amongst the stars. Some were the real kind her dad showed to her and Max one night last summer. The others popped into her head with no warning or prompt as her mind wondered if there was more hidden between all the lines that the ancient astronomers already charted.

“Hey there, Iron Maeve-”

Startled by Billy’s sudden appearance, Maeven’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she tumbled off the lounge chair.

“AAAH! What the fuck, man?!” she exclaimed, brushing her hair out of her face as she put her half-finished blunt in the ashtray. “You can’t just sneak up on somebody like that!”

“Awww. Are you scared of me, Mayfield?” Billy fake-pouted as he mocked her, leaning down to face her with his hands on his knees. Maeven gracelessly pulled herself back to her feet as she snarled back at him.

“I don’t know. Should I be?”

“. . .maybe,” Billy answered. He honestly had no clue. That all depended on her and how the rest of the night went. Maeven looked him up and down. She wasn’t sure if it was just her or the effects of the weed, but, Goddamnit, was he better looking up close.

“Eh, I think I can handle it.” she shrugged, taking her joint from the ashtray before walking over to the bar by the pool to raid the snacks, thinking the conversation had ended. Billy trailed behind her, observing and sizing her up like a predator as she foraged around the table for leftovers.

“You seem awfully confident for someone getting high at a party alone,” he noticed aloud. By then, Maeven had grabbed the last piece of large, double chocolate cake and ate it shamelessly. Whenever she had the munchies, chocolate was always her go-to snack. As she gulped down another bite, her eyes threateningly narrowed, gently pressing the sharp end of her silver fork right below Billy’s collarbone. Now, he was the one a little bit afraid.

“Do I come over to you while you’re having fun with your keg boys and shame you for the way you choose to party?” she blankly asked, playfully tapping it each time she emphasized her words.

“No?” he laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood while his breath hitched in his throat. God, this girl really was a fucking unreadable freak. But maybe Billy liked that. He wasn’t completely sure, yet.

“Yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if you did the same,” Maeven pulled her fork back, returning to her slice of cake as if what just happened didn’t at all.

Billy relaxed once he no longer felt the metal against his skin, letting the air back into his lungs. Although he knew he could’ve smacked her hand away at any time, he didn’t want to. He enjoyed the thrill in his body he got from her empty threats. It all felt so dangerous, so hot; maybe he had finally met his match.

“Now that that’s established, will you at least let me introduce myself?” Billy asked as if he was doing her a kindness by waiting for her permission.

“Alright, then, Pretty Boy. What’s your name?” Maeven laughed as she shrugged, taking a seat at the pool bar.

“It’s Billy. Billy Hargrove,” he answered, holding out his hand for her to shake as he sat on the bar stool next to hers.

She hesitated before cautiously reaching for his hand as she tilted her head to the side, her brain still foggy and warm from her buzz. A gasp caught in her throat as Billy tugged on her wrist to brush a soft kiss against the back of her hand, followed by his trademark smile and sly wink. His sudden forwardness sent an electric shock through Maeven’s bones and tickled her spine. Again, was this guy actually coming on to her, or was she too under the influence of Madison’s blunt that reality began to blend with her mind? She hadn’t been properly asked out on a date since Jordan broke up with her.

It took a moment for both her body and mind to catch up when Maeven realized she had been too silent and too still for too long. She still had a role to play. If she jumped in too fast and this guy turned out too good to be true, she’d regret it later. Re-masking herself, she playfully wiped the back of her hand on her dress, faking repulsion before she continued.

“Margaret. I mean Maeven. Mayfield,” she stumbled on her words, her hands moving in many different directions as she talked.. “Well, 'Margaret' is my first name, but I go by my middle name because I'm named after my aunt and two Maggies are confusing. So, I go by 'Maeven.' 'Mayfield' is my last name,”

“Yeah. I know who you are, Iron Maeven,” Billy chuckled.

“Oh. . .okay. . .” she awkwardly trailed off at the sound of her other nickname, going back to her slice of cake as her mind wandered. She didn’t hate the name. On the contrary, it was actually quite an improvement after years of being called a nerd or teacher’s pet. However, it originated from her breakup with Jordan. Every time it was used, she couldn’t help but be haunted by the awful memories that day left her with.

Billy noticed Maeven’s face drop when he used it, Maybe she didn’t like being called that? He didn’t understand why. It was good; it was badass. She always seemed to like it when people called her that when she got into a fight or scored a goal in soccer.

“How’d you get a name like ‘Maeven’ anyway?” he commented, just now realizing that he didn’t really know her; he just knew the version of herself she presented to the world. Billy wanted to know Maeven; her secrets, the parts of her no one else knew about. He had to know exactly why just the thought of her was driving him insane.

“‘Makes it sound like you’re some. . .mythical creature, or whatever the fuck. . .” he trailed off, catching her attention with just a few weird words.

The last hit she took was a while ago, but Maeven could’ve sworn the world had suddenly gone crazy. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine a jock like Billy using the term ‘mythical creature.’ But she rolled with it. Her mind could never really stay on topic for too long, anyway.

“My dad picked it, initially. It kinda. . .has multiple meanings for both him and my mom,” she told him, grabbing the blunt that rested on her plate. She felt she was going to need it if she was going to survive a long conversation with a jock that hopefully didn’t end in a fight. . .this time.

“Oh, really? Care to explain?”

Maeven inhaled, tilting her head up to the sky as she breathed out the cannabis through her nose and mouth. As she opened her eyes, the stars in the sky brightened up like a black light poster amidst her cannabis and chocolate-drunk vision. Her hand tilted to the side, offering the blunt to Billy, which he accepted gratefully.

“My dad was raised Celtic Pagan and my mom’s Scottish Catholic. In the bible, in Hebrew, it means ‘one who understands.’ But in Irish Gaelic, it means ‘sage.’ Which, of course, means the plant, but it also means someone who is a spiritual expert or just very smart in general. And. . .” she trailed off, taking a few seconds to get her train of thought back to its main rail. “. . .it comes from the Gaelic word ‘Meave,’ meaning ‘she who rules,’ or ‘intoxicating.’ In Irish Mythology, Mebh is the Goddess of Love and Desire.”

It took her a while until Maeven realized it was completely silent. Did he leave? She turned her head to the side where Billy was, still sitting as his face twisted to a half-confused, half-curious combo. By now, he had taken another hit. Maeven felt her cheeks light up once it dawned on her that this jock probably didn’t want to listen to her ramble, and the voice crept back in behind her.

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You talked too much. He even had to take another hit to process all your stupid and insane words. That’s it. This is the end of your social life, Maeven. Get ready, because this guy is about to ruin everything once another rumor starts. You should just kill yourself. Right here, right now. You can use the fork! Go on! Do it!”

Once her brain was no longer attacking itself, she broke the silence.

“Sorry. I’m a bit talkative when I get high. I’ll shut up now.” she fake-laughed, turning away to shove the last few bites of cake in her mouth as if it would finally keep her from talking.

Billy laughed, knowing too well that she was talkative even when she wasn’t high. It wasn’t exactly a secret amongst the other kids in their grade that she was the one who participated the most. 

“Holy shit, Mayfield,” he coughed out. “I didn’t ask for a lecture.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway?” Maeven laughed.

“No offense, but that's. . .a lot of information to process in 30 seconds, dollface.” he joked, unsure if it would be a compliment or an insult in her eyes. She just smiled as she rolled her eyes, leaning over to give him a playful shove.

“You signed up for this, Billy. You asked me about my name and I delivered, didn’t I?” Maeven pointed out, swiping back her joint and taking another hit.

“That you did. It’s definitely a lot better than ‘Margaret,’ that’s for sure,” he observed, not bothering to hide the way he was looking her up and down, anymore. It was a good name; it suited her.

“So. . .I was right, then?” he asked.

Maeven rapidly blinked, bringing herself back from zoning out before taking a sip from her bottle of coke.

“About what?”

“About you being a mythical creature,” Billy clarified. “I feel like you just pitched me a fantasy movie or the back cover of that Tocain book or some shit.”

Maeven narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as she almost choked on her soda. She definitely couldn’t recall seeing that name in the Dewey decimal system or any of her English classes.

“What the fuck’s a ‘tocain?’”

“Y’know, that. . .the guy that. . .wrote the books about magic rings and shit. . .”

It took a moment for the gears to turn in Maeven’s head before she finally connected the dots. She couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Oh, my God. . .are you trying to say ‘Tolkien?’”

“Don’t patronize me, Mayfield! I’m not the fucking nerd, here!”

Maeven started laughing harder, holding her head in her hands as she balanced herself with her elbows on the counter.

“Oh, please! If anyone’s a nerd, it’s the guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of one of the most popular writers of our generation!”

Billy would’ve been offended if anyone else had said that to him. But for some reason, it was different with Maeven. Maybe it was because of how endearing and contagious her laugh was.

“I’m not a nerd, you little freak!” he audaciously chuckled as he jokingly shoved her shoulder, not caring who might be listening for once. “Everyone wants to fuck me ‘cause I know nothing about this Tolkein dude you’re so obsessed with!”

“And yet, I’m the one with the slutty reputation?” Maeven pointed at herself, finally getting a chance to catch her breath as she rubbed the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“There’s just no winning with you, is there, Maeven?” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were playing,” she laughed, letting gravity take over her body as she melted off the chair and onto the ground. Her legs felt like jelly. At this point in her high, Maeven couldn’t find it in herself to care. Billy, however, practically jumped from his bar stool to grab her arm.

“Woah there, hey. You doing okay?” he asked, not noticing until now how fast his heartbeat was racing. The last time he saw a woman fall like that, it was his mother. Neil had gotten her way too drunk, resulting in her slipping out of her chair and leaving her with her head bleeding on the kitchen tile.

But Maeven wasn’t passed out and bleeding. She was fine, just drunk. Or high? At this point, Billy was certain it was both. She may have fallen to her knees on the stone flooring, but she didn’t seem too upset about it. She was giggling, and her skin was warm. She was fine; everything was fine. Billy needed to remind himself of that.

“You wanna go lie down or something?”

Maeven softly nodded, leaning against the pole of the pavilion covering the pool bar. She spread her legs apart to keep herself balanced in her black leather boots, drowsily grabbing onto the pole like she was hugging it, catching her breath.

Billy almost let his intrusive thoughts win but resisted the urge to grab her butt. Even if she looked a bit ridiculous right now, accidentally displaying herself like she was ready to be taken from behind, she was drunk. Billy was just glad he was here with her instead of some other dirtbag guy who would’ve probably taken what he wanted from her while she was drunk.

For what was probably the first time ever, Billy ignored the primal instincts to seek sex from this girl. She deserved better than that. He approached her slowly, putting a hand on her shoulder just to let her know he was there. Before he could lead her back to the lounge chair where he originally found her, Maeven stumbled back to the bar to grab her blunt from the edge of her now-empty plate.

Rolling his eyes at her vivacious nature, Billy made sure she had regained her balance before leading her by her wrist.

“Get that pretty ass back in that chair before you hurt yourself, you little animal,” he impishly asserted, prepared to have her lean on him in support if she needed. Surprisingly, Maeven didn’t waste a second flopping back down into the longue chair as if her body melted.

“No arguments here,” she groaned, unpromptedly stretching her body; she stretched her back by keeping her shoulder on the chair and shamelessly lifting her hips up as far as they could go. She also couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling in her stomach at the word ‘pretty.’

Did she seriously not notice how lewd she was being right now? Maybe the weed gave her the extra courage? Billy couldn’t tell anymore. All he could really do was lay down in the chair next to her, cross his legs, and try to conceal how aroused she was making him.

“Isn’t sage that weird plant that witches use in potions or some shit like that?” he asked, suddenly remembering one of the many meanings of her name. If only he could remember math equations this easily, maybe Neil would finally get off his ass about it.

It was quiet for a moment. Maeven had to silently process Billy’s question as she continued to zone out looking at the night sky.

“What? Oh. No. We burn it. For cleansing rituals and to clear the air,” she clarified.

“Like weed?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side. Maeven rolled her eyes as she scoffed.

“No, dipshit. Not like weed,” she laughed, thinking of the right way to explain this to him without sounding like a total freak. “ More just. . .like, to smell good. Like a candle. You can’t get high off it. . .or maybe you can? I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” Maeven wondered aloud. Maybe that was something she and Madison could try experimenting with. Would that even work? Either way, there was only one way to find out.

Billy, meanwhile, didn’t feel like he got a definitive answer.  She already seemed pretty damn magical.“So. . .you are a witch?”

Maeven just shrugged, taking another hit of her blunt.

“That’s what people are saying,” she replied, offering her blunt to Billy, which he willingly accepted. This was her favorite aspect of these parties; playing with her food. But tonight, she didn’t want to stop. Maeven couldn’t remember the last time she had such a casual conversation with someone. Even if she was always on edge and suspicious of the guys she met at parties, Billy was the first one in a while that didn’t seem. . .malicious.

“They’re saying other things, y’know?” he breathed out, recalling the many rumors he heard through the Newport High Grapevine. He turned his head to Maeven, handing her blunt back to her as he eyed her up and down “That you go around seducing guys with your magic touch and mysterious powers.”

There it was. Maybe she had gotten her hopes up about this guy too quickly.

Maeven tilted her head to the side and playfully raised her eyebrows, still refusing to give him a definitive answer.“I can neither confirm nor deny any of these rumors, Billy.”

“They also say that you beat the shit out of Jordan Bernard last year. He still denies it to this day,” he mentioned, remembering the day everyone in the locker room teased Jordan for his black eye.

Maeven’s eyes widened as she fought herself from laughing. She knew that their breakup wasn’t exactly a secret, but to say she ‘beat the shit out of him’ was a little much. However, she was pleasantly surprised that Billy seemed to drop the subject once she refused to answer his questions about her. . .body count.

“Oh, no. That’s definitely true,” she laughed, not seeing the point in being in denying any more questions. “I have the burn to prove it.”

“Burn?” Billy cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Maeven tilted her arm and rolled her short sleeve up her arm to expose her shoulder, leaning in to give Billy a closer look. Even if it was coming close to a year of healing, it was still noticeable. The burn mark was about the size of a baseball, maybe even the size of his fist. It was way pinker than the rest of her skin, but it was recovering fairly well; freckles had even started to come back.

“Asshole thought it was a good idea to throw a log from his fire pit at me,” Maeven explained.

When he was younger, Neil often threatened to put out his cigars on his son’s skin. His mother always ended up taking it in his place.  Billy had lost count of how many times his Dad left lash marks from his belt on his back, but he had yet to experience a burn. He was hoping it would stay that way. But he had never met someone else who also had evidence on their body like that until now.

“Shit,” he laughed in disbelief. “Bet you gave his ass the beating it deserved, right?”

Maeven looked back at Billy, noticing the supposed fascination his eyes held, before looking back at her scar. Billy Hargrove was the first boy she met who wasn’t repulsed by the mark when she let it show. He really was full of surprises. She pulled her sleeve back down before getting comfortable in the longue chair again, turning her attention back to the night sky as she continued the conversation.

“I don’t know about that,” Maeven sighed. “It was really just a. . .’heat-of-the-moment’ rash impulse I didn’t think through. I guess I was just. . .mad at him,” she shrugged, tracing the constellations with her fingers again.

“As you should be,” Billy agreed. He had yet to be cheated on. If he was anything like his father, he would be the first one to cheat. He prayed he wouldn’t end up like him, but the whole concept always lingered in his head.

“We both said and did some things that day we regret. But. . .he does seem really sorry, y’know? That he hurt me like that,” Maeven observed, turning to lay down her head toward Billy. She hadn’t had a real conversation with Jordan since their breakup; she didn’t know what to say to him. Every time she tried, nothing came out. All Jordan had to say was how sorry he was and she was sick of it. The memory haunted her every day when they crossed paths in the hallway at school

“You thinking about forgiving him?” he asked her, more curious than anything. Still, he crossed his fingers and hoped she wouldn’t. She was too good for Jordan Bernard, anyway.

“Kinda? Sorta? I dunno,” Maeven shrugged, moving around in the longue so that she was curled up on her side, now fully facing Billy before taking another hit. “Maybe he just feels guilty? Is that really the same thing as being sorry?”

“I don’t think so. Guilt isn’t the same as remorse,” he replied.

Billy Hargrove witnessed the difference between the two in his own parents. His Dad wasn’t sorry that he cheated; he was sorry that he was caught. If he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have cheated, punched, and driven his mother away in the first place.

“I’d forget about him if I were you. Cheaters are the worst. They don’t deserve to be forgiven. . .they don’t deserve love,” he said suddenly, taking Maeven by surprise. She wondered what happened to make Billy so passionate about this, handing out her blunt once more as her way of saying ‘Chill Out, Dude.’

“If I’m being honest?” she trailed off, her buzz making the stars brighter and more mesmerizing than they were before.“Even if I did forgive him, I wouldn’t wanna get back together with him. Not a chance.”

Billy took that as a good sign for himself. He swiped away her blunt from between her fingers for another hit. Maeven didn’t even flinch, too high and too talkative to notice; in her own little world.

“He’s a bit of a douche, anyway. Even if he has changed, you shouldn’t waste your time on him.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with him and he, uhmm. . .he taught me a lot. But he’s just. . .not my person.”

All Maeven wanted was to not feel terrible every time she saw him again. Maybe they could even go back to being friends again. Was that really too much to ask?

“Well. . .you’re a pretty interesting person, Iron Maeven. I’m sure you’ll find someone good enough for you.”

“My aunt Maggie said being interesting is all you really need in life.”

Billy always wondered if she was just so self-centered that she liked to hear the sound of her own voice. But watching how she froze up in embarrassment once she realized she was rambling about her name gave Billy a new perspective. Maeven Mayfield had so much going on in her head. She had no choice but to talk until it was no longer crowded in there.

“She’s not wrong,” he laughed along with her as her high was clearly starting to grow to its peak. Billy had to admit that the way she giggled was downright adorable. Seeing the infamous Iron Maeven zone out from her joint was a sight he never thought he’d see, much less enjoy. In all honesty, all the things he found annoying about her suddenly turned adorable.

There was something about Maeven’s voice that suddenly made him want to keep on listening to her ramble. He suddenly realized that her voice sounded so much better when she was high. Melodic and Beautiful.

“When you do find the right person, make sure to hold them real tight and never let them go. You got that?” He was surprised he held her attention for this long with her being so easily distracted. It felt almost like he had hypnotized her or something. Or maybe she was the one who hypnotized him.

Billy became absolutely obsessed with the way she was looking at him, unsure if it was from the high or something else. He had completely forgotten all about the stars at that moment. Maybe she was some sort of mythical creature after all. He was almost mesmerized by it. He hadn’t ever been this distracted by someone before. “Okay. I promise.”

. . .

By the time the sisters had finished unpacking all of Maeven’s books, the sun was now setting over the western horizon. The girls stretched as they stepped out of her room and made their way to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

“Thanks for helping me unpack Squirt,” Maeven said after spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. “We can start yours tomorrow,” she promised, patting Max on her head. As she yawned and rubbed her eyes walking out of the bathroom, her little sister pulled her arm to stop her.

“By the way, here’s your night light,” she said, handing her big sister a bundled-up bath towel. “It was in the trash in the bathroom.”

Maeven took the towel from Max, unwrapping it to find her beloved token from her childhood now shattered to bits. It was in the shape of the sun surrounded by a couple of clouds. Susan and Neil made it together when they first found out they were pregnant with Maeven.

“What?” she asked allowed. It didn’t make any sense. Even if she was sleepwalking, why would she throw it away?

“That’s where I found it,” Max clarified, just as confused as her sister. “Did you sleepwalk again last night?” she asked.

Maeven debated on lying, but that wouldn’t help anything. Max would eventually find out, anyway, if she did.

“Yeah. I blacked out,” she softly admitted, trying to hold back her tears. 

Max said nothing back, only walking forward to wrap her sister in a hug. No words were needed to describe how either of them felt about the situation.

“G’Night, Sis.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

As she watched her little sister turn the corner of the hallway to her room, Maeven’s smile dropped before she walked back into her room and shut the door behind her. She collapsed backward onto her bed with a bounce and stared blankly up at the ceiling as her heartbeat quickened.

“Fuck,” she breathed out, shaky and laced with panic. 

Maeven silently cursed herself for leaving Nutmeg behind so easily. Whenever she felt herself panicking at home, she would immediately come sprinting over from whatever room she was in to crawl into her lap. She’d often stand on her hind legs and lean herself into her person’s chest. The sense of deep pressure she applied usually calmed her down. She was their kitty, both to Maeven and Max. Every night as they went to bed, Nutmeg would curl up on top of the blankets with either of the sisters.

Max was insistent that she was safer with Dad in California. The incident where Billy nearly caused a fire after he burnt a stray cat’s corpse played a big factor in that decision. Maeven didn’t blame her in the least. She would be lying if she said witnessing Billy showing no remorse as he set the decaying dead body aflame didn’t put her on edge. Most importantly, Nutmeg would be safe from her.

“You can’t be trusted with another life, anyway. You should call that woman from the store and tell her you’re too insane to watch her son.”

Maeven abruptly sat up, her legs shaking as her toes curled in a rapid wave of spine-chilling, fear-fueled pain. She pressed the heel of her palms against her ears in an attempt to drown out how loud the world became all of a sudden. Her sharp nails sat atop her head and pulled at the roots of her hair, threatening to dig them into her scalp as they pulsed with a terrifying bloodlust to tear into her flesh; maybe if she could do it, she could finally stop overthinking.

“Please. . .don’t ruin this for me,” she begged the dark voice.

“I don’t need to. You’ll ruin it all by yourself,” it laughed at her.

Maeven slapped her own cheek to silence it, even if just for a minute. As she found her bearings and looked around her room, her eye caught the now-shattered night light atop her desk. She could faintly identify splatters of dried blood; an explanation for her bandaged palm.

“Billy was right. You did throw it away,” the voice said as it returned to her side.

“Yeah. . .I guess I did,” Maeven still hesitated, even if the evidence was right in front of her face. It was so hard to look at it. She thought she was getting better. Billy wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t do that. She really did black out and sleepwalk last night. And that only meant one thing; she was getting bad again.

“Too bad it’s broken. Just like you.”

“No, I’m not,” she shook her head, reaching for her water bottle on her table and gulping down half of the sugary strawberry-flavored water that Billy mixed for her. It had more to do with the act somehow calming her anxiety than it did with being thirsty.

“Yeah. . .you just keep telling yourself that.”

Maeven groaned in annoyance as she flopped down aggressively onto her bed. Underneath the soft glow of the Indiana sun, she curiously examined her own hands the way a newborn would. As she fiddled around, running her fingers over the calluses and scratches and weaving her digits together, she didn’t feel like a person at that moment. She sinks down into her mattress as she starts feeling numb. It was as if nothing else existed outside her room painted in the soft glow of the sun.

Maeven eyed her nails, growing just barely past her fingertips. She liked to file them down to make them pointed and sharp, like an animal’s claws. It was another one of those little things that helped her feel safer. She also made sure never to let them grow too long, lest she end up hurting herself when rubbing out an orgasm. The other downside was when she would clench her fists in frustration or anxiety, they would literally cut into the palms of her hands. Having people ask why she was wearing bandages on her palms was an incredibly awkward conversation.

She liked to imagine what it would be like to use claws. She often pictured herself using her sharp nails to cut into herself; to reach deep inside her body, turn herself inside out, and become something else. Something better. It didn’t matter what she would find in there. All that mattered to Maeven was that she was no longer herself, and life would suddenly be so much easier. She wouldn’t mind being a monster, even; anything to be relieved from the pain she endured from just existing, from being human.

This feeling wasn’t new. It started in childhood and only grew the more she ignored it. And this feeling only grew in the last nine months. She wouldn’t admit this to herself, but it made her feel good. The foreboding need to brutally destroy those who hurt her made the pain disappear, even if only for a moment. At the same time, she was scared; she was terrified of losing her mind even further than she already did, and what exactly that meant for her in the not-so-distant future.

As Maeven’s breath started to quicken, she could feel her body getting warmer; it began as a soft flame below her belly, slowly heating up her body so deliciously. It made her squeeze her thighs together for relief, as she curled up on her side and began rolling her hips. The warmth manifested from her womb and spread like wildfire blissfully throughout her torso and limbs. 

On instinct, as if her body was being controlled, Maeven crawled underneath her covers in a blissful haze. Peaking her head out to feel the chilling breeze from the open window, she grabbed her extra pillow from the other side of the bed and shoved it in between her legs as she squeezed it with her plush thighs. The way the skin of her inner legs stuck and touched together always bothered her, but she couldn’t properly say why.

It was a weird occurrence, as she felt as relaxed and dazed whenever she smoked a joint before bed. But she hadn’t even gotten the chance to do it, yet. Maybe she was just tired. That was it. Between checking out her new school, meeting some of her new classmates, having to check in with the Chief of Police, and being berated by her mom at the store, Maeven had a busy day. Then again, if her body was winding down naturally without the extra assistance of drugs, recreational or otherwise, who was she to complain? 

She closed her eyes and willed her brain to sleep, afraid her busy mind would blink it way if she didn’t. After a few moments of fidgeting as she curled up like an animal underneath the oasis of comfort and warmth of her blankets, Maeven’s mind finally allowed her body to lose all feeling and sink deeper into her mattress without a care in the world; slowly, and then all at once. Everything was warm and quiet for her first few minutes of rest, the dark nothingness cradling her in it’s embrace. More often than she’d like to admit, she found herself never wanting to wake up. It was just something to add to the list of things to tell the school counselor. Said list was locked away in her head, and seemed to get longer and longer each day.

“Go on. Do it. You deserve it,” the voice came up from behind her, now turning sultry and inviting. Maeven felt a familiar pulse of arousal between her legs as her cheeks tinted red.

“Mmm-hmm. . .” she whined, subconsciously burying her face into the sheets as she rolled her body to lay on her stomach with her hips elevated by the extra pillow between her legs. She preferred having Oscar the Otter, her favorite toy to “play” with, as opposed to a pillow. But Oscar was still in a box and Maeven's body was so comfortably numb. The pillow would have to do for the night.

“That’s right. Get into your favorite position, you little nympho,” it continued to encourage her.

The feeling of the blankets on Maeven’s bare, sensitive flesh imitated the feeling of a warm hug from behind her from what she could only describe as a monster. It was something she could never tell if it was really there or not; another frustrating side effect of her damaged psyche. But this was one of the only times she welcomed the voice with open arms. 

It wasn’t scary during the intimate moments she shared with herself in the dark of her room. It became seductive and comforting; something that she never really understood, but always relied on at the end of a long, hard day. And when she was asleep, she found that having orgasms came to her easier.  Her record was having five different orgasms throughout the night wash over her with little to no effort.

“So. . .that guy you and Billy met, today? Steve?” the voice reminded Maeven, who felt its looming, heavy presence press its weight against her back.

“Yes?” she suddenly gasped

“He was pretty cute, right?” it purred in her ear, “Tall. I bet he has soft hands. The guy looks like he takes care of himself.”

Steve reminded Maeven of Jordan Bernard before he turned on her; sassy and confident, while also somehow being awkward and shy depending on the day. She noticed the two boys even shared the same eye color. Her hips began slowly grinding against her pillow.

“He was asking you all kinds of questions. He’s totally into you,” the voice teased her, but Maeven wasn’t so easily persuaded tonight. Nancy was also very pretty. Too pretty not to notice. She didn’t have bags under her eyes or bite her lips to the point of bleeding. A girl like Nancy was perfect for a guy like Steve, unlike Maeven.

“It doesn’t matter. He has a girlfriend. And even if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t fuck me,” she said, verbally fighting off the beast’s words before it spoke again.

“You don’t know that,” it argued, not willing to drop it and determined to get Maeven warmer and wetter. “He probably would if you gave him the chance.”

Maeven would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about Steve roughly taking her against the locker-lined halls of Hawkins High School. The beast on her back constantly reminded her for the rest of the tour.

“Billy would get too jealous,” she ventured a guess. He tended to be possessive, the reason behind all the bites and bruises she accumulated after they started dating.

“Don’t be so sure, Maeven. You two have fucked around with other people before. You like being passed around, don’t you?”

Maeven quivered at the mere idea of being used as a toy, rolling her hips faster against her pillow and adding fuel to the fire soaking beneath the thin cotton of her underwear. There must’ve been something seriously wrong with her to be into having her body used like that, especially after everything she went through. But that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about it.

“Aw. . .fuck. . .” Maeven gasped out as she rolled her hips, the blood rushing down and sending ever-building waves of pleasure to her clit.

“What about that other guy you saw today? The one coming out of detention?”

“The guy who sells drugs behind the school?” Her breathing was heavy now, whining in frustration as she attempted to visualize. It did have a point; that Munson guy, she thinks that’s right, was pretty fucking gorgeous. Anyone who would dare to say otherwise was dead wrong.

“Yeah. That guy’s definitely into some kinky shit. He had a pair of handcuffs for a belt.”

“He’s a metalhead. It’s part of the fashion.”

“Maybe. But did you see that black bandana in his pocket?”

“Either way, I think he’d definitely be into tying you up,” The beast laughed wickedly, seductively, bringing her deeper into her fantasy and sending her body on autopilot as her brain continued to drift. Again, this was something she absolutely shouldn’t get drenched from. She was disgusted with herself that her mind and body ached for the things she should be afraid of. Nevertheless, she leaned into it; she always did.

“Oh, God, fuck. That’s it. . .that’s it,” she whined out, finally able to paint the perfect picture in her head as she continued shamelessly grinding her clit against her pillow.

“I bet if you let him hit you raw, he’d give you free weed.”

. . .

!*!*!

It had been about an hour since Billy had refilled Maeven’s water bottle. And if he planned the timing and the dosage correctly, which he always did, she should be under her covers humping a pillow or a stuffed animal by now. He wouldn’t dare make the same mistake twice. To be fair, he didn’t think he’d still be doing this almost a year after he first thought of it. Now, it had just become a part of his normal routine. 

Of course, it was no secret that Maeven Mayfield was a horny little spazz. Hell, Billy was living evidence of that; they both wore the bruises and love bites to prove it. But if he thought she was spastic without these drugs mixed into her drinks, he was in for the ride of his life. And this wasn’t just for his benefit. It was for Maeven’s, too.

Maeven didn’t always know what was best for her. As much as she loved making precise plans and carefully following lists of steps, she was equally impulsive and stubborn. In the months following what happened to her last New Year’s, it was like she was a completely different person; angry, self-loathing, irrational. And Billy knew he was partially to blame for that. He over-indulged and enabled her during those months. 

It was fun at first. He thought taking her out to parties and encouraging her reckless behavior helped her grieve what she lost that night. He now knew that if he enabled her any further, it would most likely end in her death. Billy was just glad he was able to stop her and that she got the proper professional help she needed before it was too late.

Who knows? Maybe if he had measured the dose correctly that night, none of this would have happened. Billy wouldn’t have had to put her back together again. He wouldn’t have to slip drugs into her water multiple times a week just to keep her calm. She wouldn’t be a shell of her former self. They would still be in California. Maeven would still be on the honor roll and not expelled. She wouldn’t have to repeat her Junior Year. 

Would his dad and her mom still have gotten married? Maybe if those guys hadn’t been so rough with her, Jordan would still be alive. Maeven wouldn’t have to live with the extreme guilt he knew haunted her every day. She wouldn’t be crippled by the pain of her injuries. But none of that mattered now, anyway. At least one silver lining came out of that horrible night; it brought Billy and Maeven together again, and closer than they had ever been.

As he approached her bedroom, he could already hear her hushed gasps for air and needy whines. Silently pushing the door open, Billy palmed himself through his sweatpants in anticipation. Just as he had planned, Maeven was already under her comforter, blissfully unaware of her surroundings as she ground her hips against her extra pillow. He loved it when he was right.

. . .

In her mind’s eye, Maeven was back in Hawkins High School, being carried like a freshly hunted animal. Steve was holding her wrists so tightly in his grasp that they hurt. Munson held her ankles together as they both carried her down the hallway. Maeven twisted and struggled her body in protest with all the strength she could gather from within, but their hold never loosened. Walking backward, Steve opened the lever handle on the door to the Janitor’s closet with his elbow. Once they were all inside, the boys let the door slam shut. They were planning on letting it stay that way for a while.

Steve was now holding Maeven’s wrists together with just one hand, sliding the other down her body to grope at her breasts through her sweater. She liked to imagine that Steve had strong hands like Billy’s, but possibly had softer palms than him. Nothing about Steve Harrington was threatening. He was definitely intimidating in terms of his size and muscle mass, but his eyes held a sense of vulnerability and tenderness. He’d never touch a girl in anger, unlike others. She could tell.

“What do you think she’s hiding underneath all those layers, Harrington?” Munson laughed, tugging at Maeven’s long skirt as he continued holding her ankles together.

“Only one way to find out,” Steve slyly replied, pointing to the set of handcuffs weaved through the metalhead’s belt loops. “Gimme those.”

Munson didn’t need to be told twice, immediately dropping Maeven’s ankles and hastily removing his makeshift belt. Seeing an opportunity to fight back, she started clumsily kicking into the air as she tried to catch her balance. Steve then forced her down on her knees onto the cold floor, sending a sharp pain through her legs. He firmly, yet gently, trapped her in his arms, pinning hers to the sides of her torso and not giving her a chance to struggle.

Once Munson successfully removed the cuffs, he playfully swung them around in a circular motion, signaling Steve to bring Maeven over. Her continuing struggle did nothing to draw the boys off course; they were on a mission and nothing could get in their way. Steve picked her up like she weighed nothing, forcing his arms underneath hers to raise them up high. Once they were able to cuff one wrist, Munson through the other end up, looping it over a large pipe above them before cuffing her other wrist.

The cold metal bit at Maeven’s skin, forcing her up so that the tips of her boots were just barely touching the floor. Her raised arms made her sweater ride up her stomach and left her freckle-kissed hips and navel bare to them; a sneak peek of what they were in for. Maeven grunted as she dangled from the ceiling, unable to regain her footing as her face flushed an even darker shade of red if that was even possible. The best she could do to fight this was clench her thighs together.

“There we go. All bound up the way you belong,” Billy’s sultry voice echoed throughout the closet as he emerged from the shadows, sending a shiver down her spine.

. . .

After over a year of knowing someone up close and personally, you tend to pick up on a few things. You start to notice the little things in their behavior that make them who they are. If you pay close enough attention, you notice the physical changes in their body when their mood changes. Whenever Maeven became anxious, her shoulders would tense up as she crossed her arms to hug herself. She would curl into herself and keep her head held low instead of tall and proud the way she used to; these mannerisms had become more common since she was released from that treatment center, to be fair.

Seeing these little changes in her demeanor throughout the day, Billy knew Maeven could benefit from an orgasm or two after a long hard, day; and he wouldn’t mind taking at least one for himself. She had practically been begging for him all day with the way she moved her body as she walked. And she also should’ve known by now that he couldn’t exactly control himself whenever a girl wore fishnets.

Time and time again, she kept proving him to be correct. The drugs Billy slipped into her water bottle may have. . .enhanced Maeven’s libido, but it simply revealed to him what he already knew she kept hidden inside. These days, she was anxious all the time; shaking like a leaf at the smallest things. He was helping her; that’s what he told himself. Eventually, he believed it without question.

Stepping inside Maeven’s bedroom, he shut the door slowly to not wake up Susan or Neil. Leaning his hand on the surface of her desk, he quickly pulled it back at the sharpness piercing his palm. Looking down, Billy recognized the remnants of what he threw away last night; Maeven’s nightlight. It didn’t stay that way, obviously. Damn Maxine. She was too old to still have something like that, anyway. Besides, she didn’t deserve it after defying him last night; those cuts he gave her weren’t enough. He’d deal with it later. This wasn’t what he came for.

Focusing his attention back to the task at hand, Billy tiptoed to Maeven’s bed, spreading his weight out to make sure it wouldn’t creak too loudly. Eyeing her figure under the covers up and down, he gently tugged the comforter to reveal her bare flesh, hot to the touch from her arousal and constant movement. She squeezed the pillow tightly between her legs as she continued to roll her hips, already soaking down the pillowcase and dripping onto the sheets.

Maeven was still in her lucid state, unaware of what was happening in the world outside her dreams. Billy always wondered what sort of dreams she had when she was on the aphrodisiacs. Then again, it didn’t matter. As long as he could take what he needed from her and she was lubed up and submissive enough, he didn’t care what went on in there. Still, Billy wanted to pick her brain; dissect her beautiful, crazed mind, and discover her deepest secrets like an archeologist unearthing a treasure. And each time he slipped another dosage into her water bottle, he came closer and closer to the whole truth.

Positioning himself behind her and pulling her waist into his lap, Billy picked up the pace and guided Maeven to rub her soaking heat away from her wrinkled pillow and against his clothed cock, tenderly massaging her ass. She let out a hushed gasp at the soft sensation of her pillow being replaced with something harder.

. . .

Back inside her head, Maeven shivered in suspense as the boys tore her long skirt off her waist. She stumbled in place as she squeezed her net-covered legs together. Steve came up behind her, one hand squeezing her ass while the other softly danced its fingers along her thigh, attempting to find her ticklish spot and coax her legs open.

“So, what kind of girl hides her legs all day, but wears fishnets?” he laughed in her ear, delivering a sharp slap to her butt, causing her to shriek and flinch away. But Steve held her in place, continuing his torment on the sensitive flesh below her waist.

Munson walked over, helping Steve try and pry her legs open. Maeven let out weak whimpers of protest, quickly turning into whines of desperation when the metalhead forcefully shoved his hand between her thighs. He laughed at the way she somehow got even more hot and bothered by the way he rubbed his ringed fingers against her heatsource covered by the soaked fabric of her panties.

“I knew I saw these, earlier,” he smirked, snapping the fishnet stocking against her thigh before fishing a pocket knife from behind his back.“She’s just a little freak, isn’t she?”

Maeven eyes widened in fear at the sight of the knife, her blood racing as she tried to wriggle from their grasp. Steve shoved his fingers inside her mouth before any more cries could escape.

“You have no idea, Munson,” Billy practically cackled, walking closer to help the boys keep her legs steady as he pulled at the waistband of her black panties before letting it snap.

“C’mon, let’s get these off her. You don’t need them, anyway. Do you, Maeven?” he asked, grabbing her by her cheeks and forcing her to look straight at him.

Swallowing her pride to keep herself safe, Maeven agreed, shaking her head. From the look at that knife, she had no choice. At least she put up a good fight until the end. It was only when she agreed did Steve take away his fingers, causing her to choke and gasp for air as she prepared herself for what was to come.

Munson’s one hand kept her legs steady as he dragged the cold metal across her skin, the mixture of fear and arousal growing as he brought it closer to her heat. He continued to leave her in anticipation, letting her guess when and where he would cut before carefully slicing the net atop her panties. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like it would burst out of her chest as the evidence of her lust dripped onto the blade. This was so wrong. So why did it feel so hot?

Tired of the teasing, Munson slid the knife beneath the drenched fabric, carefully pressing the metal against her wet lips which made her whine and shiver before cutting through the cloth of the crotch and accidentally knicking her thigh.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs, dollface,” Billy purred in her ear, tearing her stockings from her legs with no effort. “I told them what a cute little cunt you have. You don’t wanna disappoint them, do you? So. . .are you gonna be a good girl for us?”

. . .

“Ahhh, fuck, yeah. . .just like that,” Billy moaned out, grabbing Maeven’s hips tighter as she matched his pace on her own. He bit his lip to keep his volume down as his cock twitched beneath his thin sweatpants, reacting to her needy pussy already soaking through her panties.

Whatever was happening in Maeven’s dream must’ve been hot, because the way she was writhing against Billy made him wonder if he was the one dreaming. It didn’t matter how many times they had fucked beforehand; every new time was better than the last. Her body always left him crawling back and wanting her again and again. 

There were many good things about this girl, but Billy still couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe she really was a witch who lured guys to her bed, and he was just really lucky that she decided he was worth keeping. Even when she called it off, she didn’t mean it. He knew that she didn’t. Did she? His memory was fuzzy. Regardless, Billy got what he wanted, what he craved, needed; Maeven by his side. Maeven Mayfield was much more addictive than any cigarette, drink or drug Billy Hargrove could ever find and he never wanted to sober up.

Tired of teasing both her and himself, he roughly tugged her hips to meet his, always mesmerized how her needy little pussy swallowed his fingers. She now lay flat on her mattress, her back arched as she buried her face in the pillow she was previously writhing against, too powerless to stop his love-drunk-disguised assault.

. . .

Maeven said nothing as Billy held her face tightly in his hand, the adrenaline in her body and the intense anticipation causing her eyes to water. She silently nodded with a look in her eyes that told Billy, “I’ll be Good.”

Steve wasted no time using his now saliva-soaked fingers to test the waters, experimentally massaging the lips of her pussy perfectly framed by soft ginger fuzz. Maeven imagined that he’d take his time warming up a girl, passionate and gentle like he was; taking his time to learn about his partner’s body instead of just diving head-first into the deep end like other guys.

“Nancy’s one lucky girl. . .” Maeven’s inner voice echoing inside her head.

“Holy. . .shit. . .” Steve quietly exclaimed, pleasantly surprised that she did his job for him. She didn’t need any warming up

Munson roughly nudged Harrington to the sidelines like an excited kid cutting the line to get the first pick of the candy bowl on Halloween, aggressively spreading Maeven’s legs. He hooked her left one back to wrap around his hips. She was definitely more flexible than she appeared. Munson snaked his hand around her and cruelly trailed from her navel down to her pelvis, eager to finally discover her nooks and crannies.

“What the fuck? She’s already soaking wet!” he laughed in disbelief.

Maeven shrieked again at the contrast from the cold metal of his rings against her painfully desperate pussy. She could see Munson being a generous lover; something about his abundant amount of energy allowed her to picture him reducing a girl, or maybe another guy, to tears with his aggressive tongue and hands.

“Yeah, that’s the thing about little Maeven, here; she’s always turned on,” Billy growled in her ear, watching eagerly as the bound girl’s whines and moans became more frequent. He could watch her fall apart forever. Munson kept relentlessly thrusting his fingers in and out of Maeven’s aching heat-source as he teased her clit with his other hand. 

“Always waiting for her pussy to be filled like the greedy little whore she is,” Billy finished.

. . .

Maeven could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy when her heart suddenly dropped into her stomach. The mystery presence she usually seeked comfort in had twisted into something sinister that aggressively trapped her body in it’s invisible grip, crushing her underneath it’s weight. It felt so familiar, but also so. . .foreign. 

This wasn��t right.

What was this feeling? Why did Maeven recognize it? What was happening to her body? Why couldn’t she stop herself? Why couldn’t she move anymore?

The heavy breathing and moans against the back of her neck accompanied with the hot weight on top of her was enough to bring her somewhat out of her haze. If it were possible for her heart to drop any deeper, it would’ve, because she knew that musky scent.

“Billy?” she gasped out, her heart immediately starting to race so fast it hurt.

“Shhh, babydoll. ‘Gotta be quiet, remember?” He said it as if it was the most casual situation in the world. What the hell was happening?

“What’re you doing. . .aah!” Maeven choked on a silent scream as Billy wrapped his bicep around her neck to shut her up, cutting off both her voice and her air before he slipped his fingers inside her quivering cunt.

“Just be still and keep your mouth, Maeven. Be a good girl and let me take care of you,” he whispered, biting her earlobe following his last words as he removed his bicep from around her throat and kneeled straight up. Once Maeven briefly celebrated with a long inhale of air, she then involuntarily clenched her pussy around Billy’s thick fingers as he violently massaged her moist walls and prepared her for what would come next. Drawing them from her core, he delivered a sharp slap against her aching pussy before lining himself up.

Why couldn’t she move? Why was she so wet? Had it really come down to this; her own body betraying her?

Her mind became even more fuzzy from the lack of air, the veil between the fantasy inside her head and the world outside it where she was supposed to be sleeping had blended until she couldn’t tell which was which, anymore. And when something so passionately aggressive was shoved deep inside her without warning, Maeven couldn’t even comprehend the difference between unbearable pain and mind-numbing pleasure. She had cried from both before, but the tears falling from her now was something entirely new, and she didn’t like it.

“Fuuuuck, you feel so good. . .” Billy shamelessly moaned out, ramming all of himself into Maeven, from the tip to the base in one thrust. Pressing his chest against her back as her buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent like his life depended on it, Billy’s sharp thrusts continued. He never wanted to let her go. He couldn’t let her leave him like his Mother did. Maeven was the only ray of light he had left.

“Billy, please wait,” she sobbed out, finally regaining control of her limbs as she attempted to fight her way out from under him. “Let’s just-”

“Shh, we’re just having a little fun. That’s all. We’ll go nice and slow, okay?” he promised, his thrusts then turning harder and quicker as he succumbed to how heavenly Maeven felt around him.

“You don’t want me to reopen that cut, do you, dollface?” Billy took his bicep off from around her throat and trailed his fingers down beneath her to pinch her swollen clit. His other hand traced along the bandaged cuts along her arms and chest; his fresh handiwork from the night before. 

The sudden harsh rubs on her clit forced Maeven’s back to arch, giving Billy the perfect opportunity to grab her hair. She stopped breathing and her world stood still as she realized how close he was bringing her to the edge. Maeven panicked. She didn’t want to cum. Not like this, at least. It was fine when it was only her and the vivid scenes she around played with in her head. But she didn’t ask for this. Billy’s pace picked up and Maeven could tell he was close by the way he was growling; desperately hungry for release. 

Images of the night her life was ruined then intruded her mind; the party and the woods, and what they did to her. How betrayed she felt. How much the knife carving into her flesh hurt. The knife in her hands and how monstrous and free it made her feel. Her blood-drenched, naked body shining underneath the glow of the winter moon.

Maeven squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will all these bad feelings away, attempting to ground herself by focusing on how nice the cold autumn wind felt in contrast to how heated her cheeks were. She wanted to go back to that fantasy. She was safe in there, so that’s where she went.

Billy chuckled to himself as Maeven drifted away once again, knowing that by the next morning, she wouldn’t remember a thing.

. . .

Stay Wild and Safe, my dears!

A/N: ♫♫ I'm sorry I was gone, but look, I made you some content!♫♫

♫ Mommy made you your favorite! Open Wide!♫

♫♫ Here comes the content!♫♫

♫It's a beautiful day to stay inside!♫

Also, Happy Birthday to Me!! I turned 23 on the Solstice! Working my full-time retail job has left me burnt out without any time or energy to create, and my huge family is going through some hardships right now. I'm grateful that I was able to get family leave and it's going to last until February! Hopefully, that'll give me time to rest and put my life together while my family and I heal.

It felt really weird but somehow fitting that I finished this chapter on my last day being 22. Despite the Angst and Heartbreak this held, I really hope you enjoyed this one. I ran into a few roadblocks trying to get it just right. It's my longest one yet. A lot of you wanted some lore dumps and I hope I delivered well. As always, please let me know your thoughts and theories; they really help motivate me.

The Spitifre Curse Taglist:

@yaidothat

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[fictionz]

New Fiction 2023 - November

A Million Miles Away dir. Alejandra Marquez Abella (2023)

We have several inspirational true stories this month, but this one is special because it was a rare movie recommendation from my dad, who famously does not particularly care about art or stories. It's immediately obvious why it clicked with him, an immigrant who had to make a lot of tough choices in life and a confirmed family guy.

Anatomy of a Fall dir. Justine Triet (2023)

Sweet, sweet European ambiguity. None of it's in the realm of the fantastic. It's just something that could really nag at you for the rest of your life.

Killers of the Flower Moon dir. Martin Scorsese (2023)

Over three hours and it does a good job of keeping things moving along. It's also Goodfellas in Oklahoma, which is good and fine.

Five Nights at Freddy's dir. Emma Tammi (2023)

I'm annoyed that I had the wrong director noted down, because this absolutely should've been watched in October. It was only lost in the shuffle of balancing the diversity of the directors. But, you know, it's alright. Matthew Lillard is the key stone to the whole thing.

The Marsh King's Daughter dir. Neil Burger (2023)

Could've used more scenes of a woman hunting down her shitty ol' dad. I was just waiting for that the whole time.

It's a Wonderful Knife dir. Tyler MacIntyre (2023)

How could I skip this? A Christmas slasher movie featuring a dope design for the killer, and it was in theaters. It has the vibe of a Netflix holiday special and that's perfect for this.

The Marvels dir. Nia DaCosta (2023)

I hope Iman Vellani gets good gigs outta this. She's the best part by far and I'm glad I watched the show before getting into the movie.

Freelance dir. Pierre Morel (2023)

Look, I'll just admit that I have a crush on Alison Brie and that's what got me into the theater here. And the movie knew that, too.

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes dir. Francis Lawrence (2023)

This damn movie got me by the brain banana. I'm still tempted to read the books. I really just need to know why the story doesn't go full Talented Mr. Ripley with the male leads. It's right there.

Next Goal Wins dir. Taika Waititi (2023)

I know not every Taika Waititi can be his sort of sense of humor, but he's at his best when he's in that zone. This one's a perfectly cromulent feel-good comedy, and Fassbender's whatever but I like the actress playing Jaiyah.

The Holdovers dir. Alexander Payne (2023)

Loved it, stamp of approval. Funny when it has to be, serious in other moments. Just kind of a glimpse into a small group of people in the vein of those good short stories that hang around in the back of the mind.

Priscilla dir. Sofia Coppola (2023)

Real slow burn of a movie, but I appreciate that we're with Priscilla all the way through.

Thanksgiving dir. Eli Roth (2023)

I guess we couldn't expect the Grindhouse trailer to be made into a movie, but watching The Holdovers put me in that 70s mindset and wishing they'd gone for it. What we did get is standard slasher fare.

Napoleon dir. Ridley Scott (2023)

Not really blowing anyone away with a tepid biopic. I'm just surprised to learn that Napoleon's ass got away with so much shit before being locked away in a tropical paradise.

The Persian Version dir. Maryam Keshavarz (2023)

It meanders a bit, especially in a long flashback midway through, but that pays off in spades.

Wish dir. Chris Buck & Fawn Veerasunthorn (2023)

Kind of a story-free musical, really. At least the nods to Disneyana weren't bopping me over the head.

[bigdumbbambieyes]

just being a clown rn, thinking about Billy surviving in the Upside Down by himself for a year and how that changed him:

his hair cut short with random kitchen scissors bc the demobats saw those golden curls as an easy target and he’s sick of it. he gives himself at least six rough chops during that year.

how he’s wandered around UD!Hawkins collecting things to keep him safe like clothing, weapons, food (i’m assuming pantries would be stocked in the UD but they would be a little expired). his muscle mass goes from aesthetic to practical, his abs softened but his arms and shoulders remain strong from fighting for his life.

his body is now a host to scars and not the MindFlayer, with each divot and crease serving as a reminder of what he’s barely survived. and for what? to be stuck in an even shittier version of Hawkins? he doesn’t give up, no, because he’s been born and raised to survive whatever shitty situation is thrown at him and he has to come out on top. when he’s not surviving Neil, he’s surviving a wasteland frozen in time. he tries to find an escape but they don’t come easily, not ever.

and he’s become. so. quiet. loud noises attract attention and he’s used to keeping his footsteps light, but his voice becomes hoarse from disuse. he keeps an old scarf wrapped around his mouth and neck to keep the floating ash and spores out of his lungs.

a week in, he finds an injured demodog that snaps at him, afraid and desperate, and he considers putting it out of its misery. but there’s something about this injured, ugly beast that makes him hesitate - and then he’s feeding it a candy bar and stays with it for a while, long enough that he has to take it with him. he nurses it back to health and names it Sid Vicious, thinking it suits him. Sid follows and protects Billy from the demobats and what is left of the demodogs, in exchange for food and affection - both things he’s been starved of. Billy trains Sid with a soft click of his tongue, although it’s mostly for recall. he can’t completely train him but Sid never strays too far, anyway.

he kills time by exploring houses. learns about who lives there, takes what he wants, sleeps in semi-comfortable beds that aren’t overtaken by vines. he finds himself at a big house in Loch Nora one day and learns far too much about a certain Pretty Boy. finds a can of hidden Farrah Fawcett spray that has him smothering his laughter. looks through Harrington’s shitty taste in vinyl. takes a few shirts from the closet. Billy finds himself thinking about Steve more, even long after he’s left that big house. he thinks about Steve when he feels everything is hopeless and it helps him enough to live another day.

he has a lot of time to reflect about himself, what he’s done, what he didn’t get to do, what he wants to do. he thinks about what happened to him, how that’s affected him. he thinks his dad, his mom, even Max. thinks about how they had damaged their relationship before it had even started. he imagines how different it would be if he’d be given the chance now.

he stays away from what he’s named ‘the red horizon’. there are demobats swarming the place and Billy finds that he’s left alone when he’s not close to that dangerous glow. he doesn’t realize how he’s saved himself a horrible death by doing so.

and then one day, he notices a difference. things are…tense. alive. so, he and Sid go to Skull Rock, as they often do, to lay low - but then he gets this gut feeling. his intuition has become sharp so he doesn’t ignore it, and he’s glad he didn’t.

there’s an opening, where the empty land of Lover’s Lake should be, and someone is pulled through it. he runs over without thinking and grabs his axe from the backpack on his back, watching Sid leap into the air to take down a demobat while Billy lifts the axe over his head and cuts the bat strangling /Steve Harrington/.

he lets Sid take care of the rest while Steve looks up at him, dazed and afraid and disbelieving as he gasps, “Billy?!”

Billy feels a flood of relief for the first time in a very long time, although he can’t help himself as he replies in a rough tone, “I told you to plant your feet.”

He offers Steve his hand and pulls him up, keeps him steady and strong. Maybe they could be different this time, too.

[killemwithkawaii]

Goretober 2022 Day 7: The Side of Caution

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

The second time we met was during one of the few moments of peace I got to enjoy while wandering the void. In that timeline, by some miracle of chance, there was no cult, no demons, no haunted living arrangements, no cannibalistic neighbors, and very few ghosts. My mom had still died when I was little, I was still disfigured, and my dad had his usual vices because of it, but all things considered, it was one of the few timelines where my life in Nockfell was what you might consider ‘normal’. 

With the bullies in grade school being the highest level threat I had to deal with, I had managed to stick around in that universe until my early twenties. I was living with Larry, Todd, and Neil, and attending college with them and Ash at Henrys usual insistence, but I hadn’t really been going to class with any goal in mind. I neglected my school work in favor of hanging out with versions of my friends that had above average survival rates and didn’t spend all their free time doing cult sabotage… or being dead. I pretty much slid by with C’s across the board.

One evening, I was back at my dads place for dinner. Henry and Lisa kept giving each other these looks, and finally, Lisa said:

“Sal, we wanted to talk to you about something…”

They both suggested I get a part-time job for the summer- a ‘resume-builder’ that would ‘start me off on my career path’, whatever I chose for that to be. 

“You have a bright future in front of you, son. You can do anything you set your mind to, I know you can! You just have to be willing to put in the effort to do it.”

I tried and failed to hold back a snort.

“No, really! Everyone starts somewhere, Sally. It’ll be hard work, but I’ll bet you’ll love it once you get used to it!”

At this point, I’d never had an actual job before. I know, ‘Over 600 years old and he’s never had a job? What a loser!’ In my defense, it’s hard to have a decent work-life balance with school, cult sabotage, friend and family relationship maintenance, and ‘always dying young’ already on your plate. But, like I said, this time was different. I thought about what it would be like, being able to experience the fabled hum-drum daily grind of being a wage-slave in the service industry…. It seemed like torture for most people, but it sounded more like a vacation to me- a predictable and safe routine, normal-person problems, a bunch of normal people to bitch about them with, AND I’d get my own pocket money, too.

“Yeah! That sounds awesome, actually… did you guys have somewhere in mind?”

Robert- you remember Robert- is always a successful, self-made business man, but the kind of businesses he runs is almost random- real estate, tech, marketing, insurance, landscaping… whatever he thinks will be successful, he makes it successful. In that universe, he bought and ran one of the few restaurants in town after its previous owner, Terrence Addison (yes, that Terrence Addison), had announced his plan to retire, sell his various properties, and travel the world. The restaurant was a long-standing staple to the community that literally everyone in town ate at- The Nockfell Diner, a 24-hour greasy spoon that just so happened to be in need of a new dishwasher. 

Less than a week after that discussion with Lisa and Henry, I was in uniform, pacing around in the ‘dish pit’. All day, I sprayed the food scraps and grease from the plates, put them neatly in racks, slid the racks into the washing machine, took them out, arranged them back into stacks, and put them away so they could get dirty again. I did this over and over, for hours at a time, until my hands were red and pruny and my clothes and hair were soaked with dirty dishwater. It was a repetitive, mind-numbing, physically taxing (and sometimes nauseating) process, but I found a weird satisfaction in it that I couldn’t really pinpoint at the time. ‘Spray, load, wash, stack….’ It was simple, straightforward, and really obvious about its necessity in the process of the system- plus, I didn’t have to risk being killed or have to murder anyone. It was relaxing. It lulled me into a false sense of security. I wasn’t paying attention when it happened…

I rounded the corner into the kitchen on autopilot, holding a big, heavy stack of dinner plates.

“CORNER-”

I collided with something really solid. The tower of dishes I was holding started to teeter over. A pair of hands steadied the top as I steadied the bottom, keeping the plates from falling and shattering on the floor.

“Whew… Jeez man, watch it!! Didn’t you hear me say ‘corner’?”

I looked up at the man I’d run into, and I knew him. His dark hair and pale skin, those big eyes with the long lashes, a few crooked teeth, the button nose, his pierced lip… he was taller, more muscular, and a guy, but I recognized him instantly.... If it wasn’t obvious to me who he was, it was written right there on his nametag: ‘Mitch’ in big letters, ‘the bitch’ in small letters. I made a note to ask him about the second half later.

“Ah- no, I… wasn’t expecting you… to-”

He gave an exaggerated sigh, his shoulders sagging dramatically.

“Okay, who the fuck’s training the new guy…?” 

The cooks on the line shrugged. I hadn’t been trained, necessarily. Mostly, I’d been told where to stand and had otherwise been relying on trial and error and a little common sense to get the job done. ‘You’re a smart guy, you’ll figure it out, Sally…’ (Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?)

“So nobody was gonna bother filling him in on some basic safety shit? Hm? I can’t even buy the guy a drink before me and his ass get into a crash? Tsk, that’s just fuckin’ tacky, guys….“

“Bar’s open ‘til 2, you got plenty of time for another round, Mitch,” a waitress passing by chimed in.

“Oh, not with you here I don’t, baby! I got plans to-night~” he made kissy noises in her direction before turning back to me. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Nah, don’t worry about it, dude. How’re you supposed to know if nobody bothered to tell you?”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“‘Corner’ means ‘I’m around the corner, and I comin through! Get the fuck outta my way!’ Okay? Always listen for that- keeps everyone from ending up like roadkill during a rush, ya’know?”

He laughed with that signature lop-sided smile, clapped me on the shoulder, and passed by me with a wink. He shrugged his strawberry-print bag up on his shoulder, and there was a heart-print bandage on his wrist…

“Uh- okay, I’ll keep that in mind,” I nodded, “I mean, it would kind of be a shame… if I ended up roadkill before you bought me that drink, right...?”

"Ha! It sure would be..."

I couldn't believe it. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eye. I’d found her! Er- him. Mitch. It was undeniable- it was them…

 just a little different.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

[iamthecomet]

there’s so fuckig much to neil’s character that i just see in me, and my mom acts just like his dad but in a modern version of it and the ironic thing is that last year i got so fucking close to ending it for similar reasons to him (i didn’t and i’m very happy for that because if i did i wouldn’t have met all of you guys and that’s not something i can imagine <3)

i also wanted to be an actor, but “i’ve got so much more potential and opportunities than that” and pretty much all my life i’ve done everything to please my mother, not me. Plus i tend to act a lot like him in general and oh god i relate so fucking much it’d take too long to explain just how much i do

-🪱

It is really really hard to have parents who want you to be something that you can't be. That put undue pressure on you to conform to whatever vision they had for their child when they decided to have them. Please know, that you can do, and be, whoever you want to be whether they support it or not. YOU are the one who gets to live your life--not them. You are obligated to do what makes you happy, fuck EVERYONE else. I am so so so glad you're still here, thank you for being here. I am SO glad I have the privilege of knowing you, it means the world to me. I haven't known you long, but I already know I don't want to imagine my life without you in it. And I am PROUD of you for getting here, for being here. It can be so fucking hard. You've got a community now. One that will literally fight anyone who looks at you wrong, or says something even slightly shitty. We've GOT you. <3

[noendsonlymeans]

i just have some thoughts to dump .

i first heard of wednesday a few years ago and "fate is..." was definitely in my top 5 most listened to songs on spotify in 2021 or 22. i didnt know til recent that mj lenderman was a member and didnt know til like yesterday that they might be even better (to me!!!!!).

my first full listen to their live album they put out in later 2023 was yesterday and it changed things for me. embarrassingly enough i only took interest in tyler childers a few months ago. after this neocountry ( i know thats not what its actually called ) awakening within me ive been on a quest to find a good country sounding band that fused with my other genres of interest well. like better than pinegrove well. a honky tonk shoegaze project would be an incredible thing to stumble on, though no im not sure how its going to work with time keeping and all that whatever, no ones proven to make it happen since. but mj is the closest i have ever gotten.

about halfway through the album, i was able to identify something about mjl's familiar vocal... cadence? and place it with neil young. from referencing dylan, john daly, rodeo clowns, michael jordan, tom brady, jack nicholson, jackass, and rust on a grill left in the rain, american citizenship and our often borderline-unbelievable and ever-entertaining popular culture in the digital age help define mjl's sound, especially on this combination of previous releases. from ethel introducing gen z coastals to dale sr. to realtree camo being in casual rotation in an urbanites closet for work or dive hopping, americas "middle" aesthetics are becoming more recognized and thus more commodified. as someone raised in the rural midwest to now residing in the urban midwest, the sudden "trendiness" of articles of clothing or topics of conversation that used to embarrass you if your dad sported either in public, is both affirming and maddening. if you have ever been to a meat raffle, if the deer and fishing openers were treated like holidays in your hometown, or if youve ever resided at a residence within 1 mile of a "trump store", then you know there is a certain valor that comes with it. it wasnt pleasant. it wasnt comfortable. but it was something you did, you survived, and you still probably feel like home there. im getting incredibly off topic and wil probably revisit this concept in a seperate manor........

anyways all that above is to be said because i need you all to know that i do recognize the sin i am committing in this next statement which is to refer mjl's voice with noneother than ontarian neil young. their tenor-ish ranges, along with each of their tendencies to undermix in favor of a raw, though mjl isnt pushing any major life lessons or reflecting on their 20s in any of this album (yet).

knockin, the second track, is where i officially got hooked. i love bob dylan. i love obscure interpolations used within songs. but the only other artist to reference a lyric as common as "knocking on heavens door" that comes to mind IMMEDIATELY is lana, and mjl did it complete justice. on similar note, rudolph was able to become a highlight for me for, once again, a dylan interpolation.

screaming "you are very girl to me!" doesnt have the same affect as passively referring to a love gone as simply "a sunday", but mjl's lyrics immediately reminded me of a few childers lyrics. i cant help but think these asheville guys are childers fans due to the addition of the cover of 'long black veil'. yeah sure its a classic country!, but mjl's lyricism suggests to me that this is more of a reference to a reference, of course referring to "jersey giant" (ORIGINALLY BY TYLER CHILDERS).

dunno how to wrap these. i was just so so impressed with this album and happy i finally bit the bullet and took the internets suggestion to give them a chance.

8.5/10, id like to listen to their discog and hear the studio versions of each song as well.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 7 Apr ‘21

Louis left Tulum and went to Mexico City, and we got airport pics from both ends: the gathered fans were told by his bodyguard that they should keep their distance but that yes, pictures would be allowed. Thank you Louis! We got to see him a little for the first time in so long, in videos of him walking by (and getting ready to walk by) and blurry pics of him with his guitar, and Oli and Charlie- I’m excited to someday see the footage of whatever they’re working on. But for now, finally some proper pictures of the long long hair, or at least the below the hat part, all flippy and like...LONG! It’s on his SHOULDERS! Early pics had some interesting shadows around an elbow, prompting a flurry of NeW TaTtoO?? excitement, but when more pics were posted we could see that no, his elbow remains the same, false alarm. Once that tattoo kerfuffle died down the interest refocused on his shirt, which featured- a whole damn pile of skulls!

Louis went through a long phase of wearing skull shirts a while back, and the fact that it was during a period of a lot of very pointed t-shirt messages (and that he kept doing it more than ever despite knowing what we were reading into it) seemed to reinforce the theory that he did in fact mean things by it, and seeing him say yes to fan photos while wearing this shirt for the occasion… well! WELCOME BACK public Louis, we MISSED YOU! Yesterday’s shirt was for the band Obituary- is the band name a nod at the fact that Syco, generally considered to be the main target of previous skull shirts, is now dead and gone (rest in pieces assholes:))? Is Louis drawing attention to the livestream that band did a few days ago for their album ‘The End Complete’, and if so, is that also about Syco or about… something else? Inconclusive, but if we were meant to find their song “End It Now”, that can truly only be about one thing!! Am I to believe that SBB himself, Mr “I like to draw the fans’ attention to the lyrics of things” just, whoopsy, missed that! I mean, you would think every band on earth has lyrics about “ending it“ with the number of times he’s made that mistake, damn… he just never learns. Poor Louis, gosh how embarrassing! Lol. Anyway, I’ve seen people wondering lately what will happen when all the fans that have joined us in this time of lockdown and of no real contact with Louis will react when their version of Louis has to compete with the real one- and him barely being back at all but immediately reminding people that he is not a dad FFS feels like an excellent beginning, this should be good! BUCKLE IN friends! The real Louis is sooo much more fun than the boring made up one, just get ready to enjoy the chaotic energy and trying to keep up with him….

Oh also Louis liked a Snuts tweet about being underdogs as they fight to get the release week UK #1 for their new album, and a charity says they reached out to Louis AND LOTTIE to play in their celeb footie match PLEASE, HOW CUTE WOULD THAT BE? Come on Tomlinsons, say yes!

Liam has a big interview in Glamour to promote his BAFTAS performance! If *I* were doing the piece I would have really gone hard on the Two Liams angle of the performance (in which Liam will be accompanied by a hologram of himself) but alas they are boring and only interviewed one of him- maybe the part where he says “you're on stage, you're a certain type of person, and at home you're a certain type of person” sort of counts? The “that's always something I've really struggled with” makes it not so fun though, but that’s a Liam interview for ya; worrisome and makes you want to hug him a lot. “I didn't actually realize this for a long time, but I often give a little bit too much away,“ he says, and today is no exception. We catch up on the time since last we heard from him, when he told us he was going to take some well-earned time off and try to focus on writing new music; he continues to have difficulty with downtime unfortunately. Oh Liam, I do wish it were easier for you to take a break! He says, “I stopped working and I had a full, proper month off [and that was] really hard. And it was all a bit dark for me for a little bit... not being able to go anywhere, not being able to do anything. It really, really hit home. And I just found myself sat in the same place day in, day out. And I was like, okay, I really do not know what to do with myself” and “for me, learning to relax has always been quite a hard thing to do because I feel like if I'm not moving forward, then I must be going backwards.” He goes on to say “so, in a way it's kind of a blessing in disguise, as this has all kind of taught me to relax a little bit more. And to not be so worried about that, like the world is not going to fall over if I don't do something today,” and I wish I believed him, but that’s Liam’s way, to be like oh I need to add something upbeat and end on a cheerful note! So IDK. He also talks about drinking too much, at the beginning of lockdown especially, and how he’s dealt with it by getting back to working out and dieting. There’s nothing there that he hasn’t talked about before (he’s publicly addressed both his struggles with alcohol dependency and has talked a lot about his disordered eating though he hasn’t himself named it that) but after publication Glamour edited the piece to omit the part about his drinking-- I’m guessing the augmented reality app people didn’t feel it fit their ideal image (sigh). What that leaves is him saying how nice it was to be able to eat what he wanted during lockdown but that having the boundaries and rules in place of restricting his food again has made him feel better about himself, which if you ask me is still plenty distressing. Oh Liam :( <I’ve never wanted to hug someone so bad/ Spongebob meme> On a slightly more cheerful note, he tells us he feels supported and heard by a manager that he’s close to, and by Louis, and that those relationships are good for him (the interviewer does ask about Bear, but financee Maya is not mentioned even once in this article). The piece ends with a startling response to a comment about his upcoming performance: “I'll see you wherever you want me in your house, I guess.”

Niall posted about his Masters (golf) fantasy league and he was seen out and about! He was photographed in London driving a car the size of a house and on the street carrying one of his dozens of different reusable water bottles, with his hair floppy and down- is it a new haircut or just unstyled??- and shorts and little roundish shades. Hello Neil! There was a rumored sighting of Harry in London as well but no pics and like we know he’s there anyway so… shrug. And iHeart award nominations are up, and they’re pitting louies against harries, ouch. Will it be nasty (well when isn’t it even without this voted category, sigh), or will the louies simply steamroller everyone as per usual? Only time will tell, but if so harries can console themselves with their likely wins in the Male Artist of the Year, Best Lyrics (Adore You), and Song of the Year (WS) categories.

[willowbird]

7, 2 and 2 🥺🥺

Foxes as kids, roommates, inside Andrew's closet.

In which Neil is the monster under the bed and Andrew's closet is the only safe place for either of them.

Warnings for mentions of child abuse.

---

Andrew usually hated having roommates. He had to have them when he was in the group home (no one got their own room there) and sometimes when he was with a foster family he had to share with another kid - and he always hated it. The one exception, though, was the monster that lived under Andrew's bed.

The monster wasn't like those in the scary stories and tv shows. He was a just a boy - who was actually younger and tinier than Andrew was! He had dark dark red hair and bright bright blue eyes and little black horns and sharp teeth and even a tail, and Andrew really thought that he was losing it the first time he saw him because look... it wasn't even close to Halloween and the kid had just crawled out from under his bed and then vanished again underneath it and Andrew had checked and he was really gone.

Neil (that was the monster's name) had told him that it was kind of a legend in his world (yup, his world) that sometimes a monster kid would be tied by fate to a kid in the human world. A lot of the legends apparently talked about how this was a test of some kind, how the monster kid was supposed to scare the human so bad he wet his pants or something like that.

(Andrew thought that was kinda stupid, but he supposed that lined up well enough with the stories he had heard about monsters under the bed.)

But Neil didn't want to scare anyone. When Andrew had asked Neil what he did want, though, Neil wouldn't ever answer him. He just got a little sad and a lot angry and then they'd fight and Neil would crawl back under the bed and disappear for a while.

He always came back though. And when Andrew was moved to a different house, Neil came too. Sometimes it would take a few days, and sometimes Neil couldn't get into a certain house through the space under the bed and so the doorway to his world would bring him through the closet instead, but he always came.

Which was why it made Andrew more than a little bit anxious when almost a whole month went by after his most recent move, and he hadn't seen Neil at all. He'd checked under the bed and in the closet every single night, but there was nothing. He was about to go from worried to angry when, at half-past midnight on the twenty-seventh night in the Lucas's house, Andrew heard quiet crying coming from the closet.

Andrew was on his feet in an instant, dropping his flashlight and the book he was reading on the bed, nearly tripping over the area rug, and skidding to a halt before the door before wrenching it open.

And there was Neil, curled up on the floor hugging his knees to his chest. He was crying and... and he was hurt. There was a cut on his lip and his face was all bruised and Andrew was so angry he almost slammed the door shut again.

"S-sorry," Neil murmured as he looked up, probably seeing the anger in Andrew's face. "I... I was gonna come sooner but..."

Andrew cut him off with a glare and a raised hand, telling him to wait. He then hurried back to his bed to grab the flashlight. Light acquired, he returned to the closet and Neil scooted over so Andrew could sit next to him, shutting the door to their special place.

Because you see, when Neil was there, whether it was under Andrew's bed or in his closet, no adult could get to him. The whole world outside the space shut off. If Andrew's foster parents were yelling at each other, their shouts and curses faded into complete silence when the closet door was shut or the bedskirt brushed the floor around them. If an adult came looking for him and opened the closet door or got down on their hands and knees to look under the bed, they'd see only shoes and toys and other discarded things - but no Andrew, no Neil. It was something to do with the magic that was his monster, because no one was able to see him except Andrew, and since Neil wanted to be seen by Andrew that meant that he was sorta... absorbed into that power too or something.

It meant that whenever they were together... they were both safe.

"I'm gonna kill him," Andrew promised quietly once they were both sitting criss-cross and facing each other in the narrow space.

Neil's eyes went wide, terrified, and he shook his head quickly. "N-no! No. You can't.."

"The hell I can't, Neil! You keep me safe. I wanna keep you safe too!"

They had had this argument before. When Andrew first saw the scar on Neil's shoulder and found out it was from his stupid bastard dad from the year before Neil first slipped out from under his bed. Andrew had been just a little kid back then, but he was eleven now. He could kill someone. If it was to protect Neil, he was pretty sure he could do anything.

"No," Neil said again, voice hushed even though they both knew no one on either side of their special space could hear them. "No. I... It wasn't even him. Mom..." He shook his head and rubbed his arms. That was when Andrew realized what Neil was wearing.

Normally, Neil gave off total rich-kid vibes. Even monsters had designer clothes, apparently, and Neil definitely had the monster-world version of The Gap or whatever rich people wore. But today he was dressed in drab, baggy jeans and a matching washed out t-shirt. His hair was a total mess, too, and looked like it needed to be cut.

"Neil," Andrew said, and it wasn't a question - it was a demand.

Neil grimaced, wringing his hands around his tail - a nervous habit he didn't realize he had and Andrew would never tell him about. "They... they found out... about you. About us. About... about how I can come here."

All the air in Andrew's lungs froze. It was a struggle to keep calm, to wait for Neil to continue on his own, because... because from the very first day Neil had told him 'no one can know - I don't know what they would do to us if they knew' and now that day was here and the anger in his chest was nothing compared to the fear suddenly pooling in his belly.

"Mom.. she took me and ran. So I wouldn't... so they wouldn't take me. Dad was... he was gonna give me to someone bad, someone who collects kids like me so they can find a way through and... Mom didn't want that to happen. She's protecting me..."

The protest was a weak one and Andrew pounced on it. "She's protecting you by beating the shit out of you?"

Neil bared all those sharp little teeth at him, but Andrew could never be afraid of Neil so he just glared back until his monster's resolve broke and he looked back down at his tail.

"She wants to keep me safe.. and I was being stupid..."

"I'll say you're being stupid," Andrew agreed, earning him a sharp look that he easily ignored. "Run. Come here. We'll both make a run for it together."

Neil's eyes widened. "What? No! What would we do, where would we go? You... you could get hurt! And it's not like I blend in, Andrew."

"We can travel at night. Or we can go someplace where everyone is super weird, like... like Seattle. There are loads of weirdos in Seattle, I bet no one would think twice about a boy with horns and a tail." If Andrew had been standing he might have stomped his foot.

"Now you're being stupid," Neil hissed out (and yeah, actually hissed, his voice got all... hissy... sometimes when he was mad).

Andrew grit his teeth and made a sound kind of like a growl that Neil had once complimented as sounding really monster-like. He wasn't making the sound to impress his friend right now though, he was making it because he was mad and frustrated and scared and... and a lot of things.

Then an idea came to him, sudden and bright and it was so genius it instantly flooded him with hope. His hands darted out and cupped over Neil's, holding both of them around the other boy's tail. "I know!"

"What?" Neil's eyes were wide again, but this time he leaned forward, taken up by Andrew's excitement.

"A witch. We need a witch. A witch can make you blend in over here, and maybe even help us until we're big enough to pass as adults."

Now Neil looked a little afraid, leaning back apprehensively. "A witch? There... there are really witches over here? I heard... I heard they do bad things to monsters."

"Can't be any worse than what monsters do to monsters or people do to people," Andrew reasoned, not willing to give up this opportunity. "Besides, if there really are monsters that live under the bed, there've got to be witches too."

Neil licked his lips, then looked down at their joined hands. He stared at them for a very long time before taking a slow, deep breath, apparently gathering his resolve. Then he nodded and looked up again, meeting Andrew's eyes.

"Okay," he finally said. "We... we'll find a witch. And... and we'll protect each other."

Andrew nodded back. He squeezed Neil's hands in promise. "We will. Forever, Neil. We'll always protect each other."

"Forever," Neil echoed. Then he gave a tiny, sharp-toothed smile. "And always."

[memes-saved-me]

I feel as though there needs to be more versions of Neil in fics or whatever where Billy has very conflicting feelings about him.

Having an abusive parent isn't a black and white situation, you constantly wrestle with yourself whether "It's really that bad" or "I'm just overreacting"

You don't know how to feel because yes this person you're supposed to trust has hurt you, emotionally, mentally or physically but deep down you have a nice memory or remnants of sympathy. Especially when you have no one to talk to about it. Being completely cut off with these thoughts and feelings as a teenager is horrific and not as simple as my dad is a monster, because yeah he is but you find it difficult you get past that mental barrier of still thinking you're not a victim.

[charnamefic]

Kevin Can F*** Himself and The Sitcom

I am fascinated by this canon's universe, by the implications of living in a sitcom reality where there’s a non-sitcom reality when the sitcom isn’t running.

I’m taking as a given that Kevin Can F*ck Himself takes place in what truly is a sitcom-universe. I know some people consider the sitcom-style parts of the show to be Allison’s way of thinking about her life while she really lives in a more mundane universe, but frankly that’s not a theory that interests me. I have no beef with those who believe it, but I find Kevin Can F*ck Himself to be a much richer viewing experience personally if read as the off-screen adventures of an actual sitcom wife, and that’s the only reading I’m going to get invested in and theorize about.

At the beginning of the first episode I thought Allison was, on some level, aware that she was a TV character – I thought that her fantasies about living the 50's housewife advertising dream were the expression of a desire for a genre shift (that could never come) – but by the end of the episode I’d concluded that she doesn't know. I don’t think any of the characters know that they’re sitcom characters, and, as an extension of that, I don’t think any of them are aware that there are differences between the on-screen and off-screen existences they live. So what does it mean to be that one-dimensional, sitcom type of character and live under that universe’s rules for parts of your life, and transition into a rounded-out person with an active inner life at other times? What does it mean when you can’t comprehend that transition, and when the more rounded version of yourself has to tackle with who you are and what happens to you in that sitcom reality? What power of self do you have, both to be a person in your own right and to act as one free of the constraints of what the rules of a sitcom universe would demand?

What are the rules of the Kevin Can F*ck Himself universe as a sitcom?

Here's what we have to work with:

The universe is a status quo is god universe. Kevin and Allison can never move away, never not be Neil’s neighbours. We as viewers of Kevin Can F*ck Himself see what that means for the characters, how painful that stagnation is to Allison and the horrible things that have led to that consequence, but Kevin Can F*ck Himself takes place off-screen of the sitcom – on-screen, that’s just typical status-quo maintenance. Kevin and Allison can’t keep a pet, can’t add new characters to the cast or kick off old ones; at the end of the episode, nothing will have happened that will keep the sitcom from being something you can tune-in to irregularly without missing a plot-important episode.

The sitcom caters to the man-child id. Kevin can be rude and outright cruel to his wife, and he’ll never have to worry about her responding in equal kind. Kevin can accuse and humiliate and banish his best female friend, and she’ll come crawling back for re-entry into the gang, feeding him and making up for her failure to prioritize him. Kevin can fight with his best male friend, and the girls will sort it out without Kevin or Neil’s egos having to take a serious blow; it’s just a special episode where Kevin learns to express appreciation for his sidekick (at least until next episode). Kevin may be an everyman, but he will never be outshone.

The sitcom universe is simple and insular. “It seemed harmless.” It is harmless. All pain can be brushed off, all suffering passes quickly. Kevin can promise a bunch of people money he doesn’t have and trap them in his basement and not need to fear any lawsuits. Kevin can set his neighbour’s lawn on fire, and that’s fine, it really is. He can get a mailwoman deported, and once the episode’s over it’s no-one’s problem and it doesn’t indicate anything about what kind of person someone who would do that is or what values they hold. Kevin can get his wife fired, and she can’t nurse a grudge over that, can’t mention it again or have it shape their future interactions; it’s one and done. Dreams can be dashed, and by the next scene break it’s back to basics not simply because the status quo is god but because when your hopes die you get up and move on and keep acting like the paint-by-numbers character tropes you embody. The people are no more complicated than the actions. The caretaking wife can’t be truly hurt by the daily derogation she suffers from everyone who interacts with her. The next-door neighbour can’t have a fulfilling life outside of Kevin’s orbit, he can’t even complete fairly simple tasks without a leader to follow. Kevin’s dad can’t be anyone outside of being Kevin’s dad. The girl in the group cannot show an inner life or opinions or desires that conflict with her designated role. What you see is what you get, and there’s nothing you have to consider under the surface.

Kevin Can F*ck Himself has shown us that these rules only hold true on-screen in the sitcom; once the sitcom cameras aren’t on the characters anymore, the entire world shifts into something different. If we consider the on-sitcom-screen and off-sitcom-screen worlds to be like two intersecting realities, I think we have to assume that the sitcom reality is the dominant one. Events happen in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality that are necessarily related to the sitcom reality (Allison reacting to how she’s treated when off-screen; Allison and Patty discussing events that have happened on-screen while off-screen) whereas the events in the sitcom reality occur regardless of the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality (Allison’s damaged clothes and injuries that occur off-screen aren’t noticeable on-screen; when Kevin confronts Allison and Patty, that confrontation makes sense in the sitcom universe even without the context given in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality). If the sitcom reality is the dominant reality, that necessitates that the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality is still influenced by the rules of the sitcom reality even when the cameras are off – if the influence can only have significant consequences in one direction, then the universe that can’t significantly influence the other can’t have anything happen in it that would have to have a notable impact on the other.

To put this to a concrete example, the marriage Allison has on-screen can affect her contentment with her life off-screen and make her want to have an affair off-screen, but – given the premise expressed above – her off-screen affair can’t unduly affect her on-screen marriage. It can’t influence her think she might be able to find a safe way to get a divorce because that would affect the status quo of the sitcom. It can’t be reflected in her on-screen interactions with Kevin because that would complicate their marriage in a manner the sitcom universe can’t bear.  

I don’t think Allison’s affair with Sam can come out on-screen in the sitcom. The sitcom everyman’s wife cheating on him isn’t what the target demographic wants. The dream of the hot wife who’ll let you get away with anything, who puts out and cleans up and cooks and boosts and takes her lumps with a smile and stands by you no matter how many times things don’t go as desired – yes! The culturally ingrained fear that your woman is cuckolding you, that you’re inadequate instead of all that she wants and needs, that you’re a fool and didn’t actually land that dream catch – no, absolutely not! It breaks the rule of catering to the man-child id, it breaks the rules of simplicity, and it breaks the rule of status quo. I think Allison will face problems with the affair – we know she will in some way from the ep 6 preview – but I suspect the issues surrounding it will be more along the lines of getting to know Jenn and discovering that she’s actually awkward but sincere and the “who really gets the hot guy” competition is way less fun when you empathize with the opposition, or having to face that the reasons she and Sam didn’t end up together back when they were teens still apply and that doing this with him now won’t make her happy. Whatever happens, I don’t think Allison’s marriage will be affected in a way that will show up in the sitcom at all. So there’s a front on which Allison’s behaviour is safe – the affair can never come out in a way Kevin and the sitcom viewers will believe in it, so she will never have to face consequences along the lines of suffering a broken-marriage for which everyone considers her at fault because she committed adultery – and a way in which it’s not – Allison basically said that she knew it was a shitty thing to do but she had fun enabling Sam in cheating on his girlfriend back in high school because she didn’t know the other girl and didn’t really think about her, but now that the relationships those involved are in are even more serious and the other woman is an actual acquaintance there’s no way that this won’t at least lead to drama guaranteed to have a significant influence and consequences in her off-sitcom-screen life. My point with this is that (if my theory is correct) Kevin Can F*ck Himself will show consequences, but Kevin’s sitcom can’t, and that inherently affects the dangers Allison faces for her behaviour and what can come of it in both worlds.  

Leading off from that, we have the whole dealing drugs and assaulting a trucker thing. Necessarily, none of what we’re seeing in Kevin Can F*ck Himself about that can be reflected in the sitcom. We can have the dramatic irony of Kevin confronting Allison the night she started having an affair, we can watch Kevin confront her and Patty over the horrible acts they committed off-screen, but due to the nature of the universe, that cannot be anything but dramatic irony which sitcom viewers wouldn’t be able to pick up on. Simply put, Patty can’t be sent off to jail for dealing because she’s a regular. Allison will never be convicted for what they did to that trucker – even though you’d expect her to be in serious trouble given that surely there would have been security cameras all over any gas station – because that cannot flow back to the sitcom reality in any recognizable way.

Can the sitcom wife spend more than one episode under on-screen police scrutiny? There could probably be a plotline where she spends a night in jail, but according to sitcom logic that has to be sorted out before the episode is over. There has to be some sort of misunderstanding revealed, some piece of evidence come to light that exonerates her. She has to get back to her husband and the dirty laundry and the meals she needs to make. This is why I think it’s not possible that Allison and Patty mugging that guy for his oxy can come back to bite them in a way that would be reflected on-screen in the sitcom. The sitcom wife doesn’t beat people up for their drugs, not like that at least. The rules of a sitcom will not allow it.

The rules of a sitcom also don’t allow the star to die. I fully believe that Patty was right; if Allison had filled that burger with drugs, Kevin would have been back up and running by the next scene. So, given that truly bad things can’t happen to Kevin, and given that things can’t significantly change, what can Allison’s plans be building toward? Literally, is it possible for Kevin to end his life in jail for drug-related crimes? If the premise I’ve laid out above is correct, then no. Is it possible for Kevin to die in allegedly drug-related gang violence? No. It’s more likely that Marcus talks a big game, but is actually a small enough fish he could be taken out of the equation by Patty telling his aunt he was bothering her. I don’t think anything Allison and Patty can do in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself universe to get Kevin done for drug-related crimes can lead to anything more than a Very Special Episode about drugs on the sitcom.

So what does that mean for the show? I have no idea, and I’m really interested in finding out.

Can the rules of the universe be changed? Allison broke a glass on-screen, in a way which probably wouldn’t have been written into a sitcom, so maybe. But that didn’t really break any of the proposed rules of the universe, so maybe not.

And what happens if Allison succeeds? Characters in a sitcom have backstories, but can they have futures after the show is cancelled?

I’ve heard from a lot of people that they don’t enjoy the sitcom scenes, but (for the most part) I think those are depicted to establish and convey something important. I might be completely off-base with my analysis of how realities are portrayed in the show and what we can glean from that, but even without that I think we’ve been offered a compelling deconstruction of on-screen sitcom hijinks.  

Also, I just really love how they’ve worked within the boundaries of the intersection of sitcom and non-sitcom presentation. How can the “just getting by” family afford all the fun things that make the sitcom life aspirational without making the characters too well-off for the everyman to see himself and his own struggles in them? Simple – drain those off-screen savings. It’s perfect. It’s so beautifully indicative of Kevin Can F*ck Himself’s premise.

Any way you look at it and whatever theories you prefer, the world presented in Kevin Can F*ck Himself offers up a lot of interesting possibilities and I can’t wait to see them explored.

[mediocre--writing]

this hc is sad but whenever neil gets too rough and billy’s injuries are too severe to heal on their own, neil will do his own version of “first aid” since he can’t risk a hospital. stuff like holding billy down while doing stitches, stuffing a belt in his mouth and telling him to shut up and stop crying like a pussy. maybe billy views it as a form of love in some warped way, all “he wouldn’t patch me up himself if he didn’t love me, right? he could have left me or had me do it myself but he didn’t” and he doesn’t realise for a long time how not OK it is until he either causally mentions it to someone or someone witnesses it and tells him how fucked up it is

the first time it happens is when neil yanks on billy’s arm when he tries to walk away. dislodges his shoulder from its socket.

billy is already crying and neil huffs like it’s some inconvenience. grabs two wash clothes from a kitchen drawer and tells billy to bite down.

has him lay on the floor and shoves his arm back in (it took three tries). billy swears that he’s never felt pain that bad.

neil goes to the corner store and grabs a cheap sling for billy, just so the shoulder heals right and doesn’t get overextended or anything.

billy’s grateful that neil cared to help him. even gave him ice packs to make sure it didn’t ache too bad.

billy was 11.

it gets worse after that, if you can believe it.

neils a mans man. he expects billy to be as well.

neil knows when a cut is just a scrape and when a cut needs stitches.

he’s neared the line many times, but it’s never reached the stitches level yet.

but it does now.

neil had shoved billy into a wall, right under a cross that was hanging there (can you sense the irony?) and the cross fell and slammed onto billy’s face.

didn’t break his nose or anything, but there’s a deep deep deep cut right by his eye.

there’s blood in his face, but what freaks out billy the most is that there’s blood in his eye, and he fears that’s where the edge of the cross hit him.

neil, again, grabs two wash clothes and tells billy to hush, grabbing an ice cube to ‘numb’ the area (though it does nothing) and sticks the needle into billy’s cheek.

once too scared to open his eyes, billy is now writhing away because there’s a needle in his face and neil looks way too calm to be doing this. shouldn’t a parent be worried?

but neil forces billy back where he was before, holding down on his arm. says something along the lines of “do you wanna bleed out? i’m trying to help you, boy.” and billy just waits it out.

he cries like a baby.

neil let’s him take the day off of school the next day. let’s billy lay with an ice pack on his swollen face and bruised eye for most of the day. even apologizes, in his own, twisted way.

billy was 13.

once, when billy’s being whipped with neils belt for whatever godforsaken reason neil pulled out of his ass, he hits the same spot too much.

then the belt buckle grabs the skin and pulls.

billy’s screaming in pain. can’t describe how unbearable it was to have the raw skin of his back yanked by a dull belt buckle.

but, it turns out, he needs stitches. not wasting a clean washcloth, neil just shoves the belt into billy’s mouth, going to grab the first aid kit.

billy is laying on his stomach, holding his hands in front of his face so he doesn’t lash out and he bites onto the belt as neil stitches the skin back.

but neil doesn’t reprimand billy for leaving teethmarks on his nice leather belt, so billy thinks it could have been worse.

billy was 15.

the first time susan has to witness one of their bad arguments, billy had snuck a boy into his room.

they weren’t even doing anything. barely even flirting. and they were alone.

billy leaned in, but so did the boy, and they met in the middle and billy felt like an inexperienced virgin while kissing his first boy.

it was a life altering experience.

on many levels.

neil comes home early. or maybe not, maybe billy wasn’t watching the clock. either way, billy’s got a boy in top of him, though fully clothed, but making out nonetheless, when neil slams in.

billy’s life flashes before his eyes that night.

he barely even remembers what neil did. what he said.

billy knows at one point he thought about how much he missed his mom. and, apparently, he said it out loud. spurring his dad on with maximum fury.

it was past 3am when billy woke up from his unconscious state to unbearable pain. neil was stitching him up, had already done so on his face and neck. had moved on to his leg (a line of stitches worked all the way up the back of his calf).

billy could feel the bruising on his torso (from numerous kicks and pushes that rolled him into furniture and walls) and around the crown of his head (the result of a plate being smashed over his head).

he didn’t move. he didn’t have the energy.

but he could hear susan. she was yelling at neil, whispering, but scolding him.

“the hell is wrong with you!? he could have died? this is too far, neil, he’s your son! you should love hi—“

“i’m doing this because i love him, su, you know that! you want a faggot in this house? huh? no, you don’t! and do you really think i’d let my son bleed out on the floor? you think that little of me?”

and billy gets it. gets his dads side. because neil could just leave him to bleed all over the carpet. but he didn’t. he helped.

he had good intentions and only did what was best for billy. who was billy to say what his life should be when he wasn’t even smart enough to learn from his mistakes?

that was the reason for their move to hawkins.

billy, during their first week there, didn’t attend school on behalf of all the still healing stitches and bruises, though he was spotted around town a time or two (already instilling his bad reputation)

and once he gets there rumors fly around the school.

apparently, billy had to move from cali because he beat up a biker gang and they kicked him out of the state.

but, then, the night happens. the one where billy beats up steve and comes out looking pretty clean.

hopper drives his half unconscious body home, along with max, so he can ‘explain the situation.’

that night, for many reasons, is a night max will never forget. ever.

she’s seen demo dogs and tunnels from other dimensions, a possessed kid, and a girl who can move things with her mind.

but she also got her first taste of what it looks like when billy gets beat by his father.

it’s like a car crash, you know you should look away, but you just can’t.

and billy, still drowsy from the sedative, is getting in thrown around the living room and kitchen like a rag doll, being shoved into shelves and cabinets, even dislocated his left elbow and there was a loud crack from billy’s ankle.

and, though she’d wanted billy dead mere hours before, this seemed more torturous.

at least when it was billy and steve, they were both conscious. this was just twisted.

neil, for whatever strange reason his mind came up with, made max and susan watch the lesson: this is what happens when you don’t follow rules.

max could barely make out the rising and falling of billy’s chest at the end.

there was blood splattered on billy’s chest and neck, on his jeans and in his hair, on neils hands.

“grab me the first aid kit and a towel, su,” she scurried to the bathroom and back and max wanted to bolt. run. sprint. just get away from whatever was happening.

neil bent down and used the towel to press down on billy’s bleeding wounds, stopping the blood flow. he then disinfected and wrapped what he could, bandaged everything else.

then he rolled billy on his side, grabbed his forearm and upper arm then snapped them together, fixing the dislocation with practiced ease.

this was also when billy woke up. screaming.

“hush,” is was quiet, but stern, and billy knew to listen.

the towel, one side inked in blood splatters, had the other side shoved into billy’s mouth before neil got out the needle and thread, stitching billy’s larger wounds.

if max thought the most scarring part of her night was going to be anything that happened before this, she was wrong.

she knew. she knew that billy got smacked around sometimes. and he kinda deserved it. he was a jackass.

but this. this was a whole new thing. this was downright madness and max didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep peacefully in her own bed again.

the tears were rolling down her face when she made eye contact with billy, who had equally red and teary eyes, but his held more pain. more suffering. more knowledge.

“see what you did? you made your sister cry,” neil told billy as he pulled especially hard on a stitch on billy’s tender stomach, making billy scream in agony, in more pain than before.

after that night, max listens to billy more. blames herself for being out and getting billy into trouble.

billy is just glad he was able to find the old sling he had years ago and that it still fit. he’s grateful that his dad stitched him up and made sure nothing would get infected.

knew he should have kept a closer eye on max and this is what needed to happen for him to see that. he knew that now.

a week later, the boys were talking about how some guy named (ronnie? maybe lonnie?) had called the byers asking about will. they talked about how joyce chased him out of the house with his own shotgun.

will told her, when they were leaving lunch, that joyce was so mad because lonnie, his dad, had hit his bother, jonathan.

max thinks about that. thinks about how susan would never, not in a million years, chase neil off with his shotgun for hitting billy.

she stood and watched when neil almost killed billy.

she didn’t know what to think. she wondered if billy knew what was happening wasn’t right. wondered if he’d ever tried to run away or was too scared of getting found if he did.

wondered if there was any scenario in which billy would take her harsh criticism of his dad well.

and it takes years.

billy moves out for college, somewhere good where he can focus on being smart, like he’s always been, and gets out from under neils thumb.

he discovers who he is a little better and still comes to hawkins every holiday and break, gets closer with jonathan and steve and robin and even nancy.

the first person he tells about it is jonathan. he hears the lonnie stories for himself and chimes in with his own anecdote. apparently, it’s not as light hearted as jonathan’s.

but he opens up. it takes the night and a little alcohol and weed, but billy has successfully told jonathan everything his dad has done to him. every stitch and relocation.

jonathan tells nancy and nancy tells steve. steve coddles billy and (because they were already close and in that ‘talking stage’) eventually gets some of the truth out.

jonathan, even though he told people, never exposed everything. there’s some things steve will never know about because they’re just too much and billy found comfort and a commonality in jon that he didn’t know he needed.

(joyce would also totally from that point on have adopted billy, doesn’t matter if he’s already like 22, he’s now her child)