#part of the tragedy of this character is that he’s not always great at communicating but when he is it doesn’t matter

[daydreamerdrew]

The Incredible Hulk (1968) #246

[ofstoriesandstardust]

if there is a right time (chances are i'll be here) (twisters - javi)

​​a/n: my little i can fix him character study that could! thank you my dearest @sometimesanalice for reading this and always having the best thoughts.

summary: Five years after a summer romance in Miami, you and Javi meet again. The boy still means such a great deal to you, even after all this time. If only he wasn't in love with another.

warnings: mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, swearing

word count: 6.6k

You met Javi nine months after the Tornado Tragedy that stole everything from him.

In Miami for an internship and fresh off a bit of a brutal breakup, Javi had all but stumbled into your life as his cousin “accidentally” pushed him into you at a breakfast place near his house.

The hurt that was woven into both of you was evident, even in the way you both laughed together on long, drunken nights and three am gas station runs. 

Maybe it’s the hurt that had drawn you together all along. 

It’s three months later, at the end of your time together, on the first year anniversary that you hold him through the night, a raw and wavering voice piecing together the fragments of that nightmare. 

It was like whispers of a confessional, soft against the storm that raged in his mind. Your fingers had run through his hair, reminding him that you were there, that he was alright. 

Two weeks later, you’d let him go. You let him go even though you knew you could’ve loved that boy someday, loved all the broken parts and pieces of him. 

Loved him despite the fact that he loved another. Would probably always love another, a striking, enigmatic force from his past who’d left his world as abruptly as his friends had left this world. 

It’s a shame, you think, to have lost a love you never really had. You never could really grieve that open wound.

Especially not when you left that door open for him, always looking for him in every grocery store aisle, in every smoky corner of a bar through the Midwest, every time you followed a storm with the windows down, hand feeling the humid air and warm rain as the sky tore itself in two. 

Still, you feel frozen as you see him across the parking lot of the motel, the skies opening as he ducks out of an all too familiar red truck. 

(Everyone in these parts knew that red truck and everyone in the storm chasing community knew in some way, a member or two of the Tornado Wranglers. An old bull riding friend, a classmate, a one night stand, a bonfire friend. You all knew them one way or another.)

Well, at least, you think it’s him. You see the curls before you ever see his face, and while it’s shorter now, you think you’d remember the build of a man you’d spent so many moments wrapped around, even if for a fleeting time. 

“Javi?” You have to shout over the pouring rain, stepping forward in disbelief, as you cup your hands around your mouth. You didn’t chase seriously, not really anyways, and had only convinced a few friends from college to come out under the guise of showing them a good time. By all accounts, seeing him here, now, would be near impossible. 

For a second, you almost don’t let yourself get your hopes up. You’ve looked for this boy in every corner of the world you’ve ever gone — how would he be here, in the soaked parking lot of some run down motel near the border of Kansas and Oklahoma?

You were only on a two day chase, following Ty’s team out but you hadn’t realized he’d be with them. You had heard rumors Ty had taken on a new business endeavor, something about taming tornados, but it had all felt so silly you’d blown it off. 

It had all felt so reminiscent of a friend you’d once known, of a project he’d believed so much in, it hadn’t felt real. 

-

His head perks up at the sound of his name, his head swinging wildly around the parking lot, before he spots you. His eyes grow wide in disbelief as giddy joy propels your feet forward, darting across the parking lot before you can even think about if he wants to see you. 

He lets out a laugh in disbelief as his body collides with yours, a warm rock against you as he tightly wraps his arms around your frame. 

“How are you here?” He sounds incredulous, almost as giddy as you, and you fist your hands in the slick material of his rain jacket. 

Your hair is longer than it had been the summer you’d spent in Miami, when you chopped it off all of five days after arriving, complaining incessantly about the humidity. 

You have a few new piercings and he thinks he might spy a tattoo peeking out from your shirt under your collarbone. 

“I- I work part time out at Muskogee as an adjunct. I bought a house out in Claremore two years ago.” 

A house. You’d bought a house. You’d bought a house — all alone? 

His eyes widen impossibly as his hands come to cover your own. “So- so like you- you being here in Oklahoma isn’t a fluke?” 

It’s the twinkle in your eye that almost makes him believe this is a dream he’ll wake up from. 

That look that says there has to be more than coincidence we both ended up here right now. 

That feeling deep in his chest that’s telling him strings of fate tugged you and Javi together to be right here, at this moment in time in your lives. 

He isn’t quite sure what to say to you.

He’d hopelessly thought of you for years to come after you’d left his life, the if onlys hanging around in the back of his mind, the fantasies of what he’d do if he ever saw you again comforting him on the darker days. 

But for all that he dreamed, he had never thought it would be a reality. 

-

“Are you-“

“So…” One of your friends say, and your head pops up, body turning to face her. You miss the way Javi’s face falls, the start of a question you barely heard lost to the wind. “If this little show is over, I’d like the room key, please.” 

“Piper has it.” You breathe as Javi’s hand travels down your back. 

“She-“ Bailey cuts herself off, face pinching in frustration. “She got stuck inside.” 

You splutter, brain short circuiting around a confused huff and a “I told her she needs to yank it”. Instead you turn, catching sight of more than one Wrangler peeking out their windows to watch you and Javi.  “Where’s Tyler?”

-

One unstuck door, a few hugs, and an hour and a half later, you find yourself crammed into a booth much too small to fit your friends and the Wranglers at a dingy roadside diner. 

You’re wedged between Dani and Javi and you giggle as Kate, through giggles of her own, regals the group with yet another tale from her and Javi’s undergrad.

“…So anyways, Javi is wasted right. And so is Addy, and she trips and Jeb and I, we both go to dive for her, to keep her from falling and slipping on the ice and when we finally get her righted, not without the two of us almost going down with her, cause I’m also drunk at this point, we turn around to find Praveen begging Javi to get out of the fountain they hadn’t had a chance to drain yet.” 

Javi’s face is crimson as the table roars in laughter, and you think you may not ever breathe again as silent giggles consume your whole being at the thought of a wasted nineteen-year-old Javi in a icy cold fountain during a surprise first snow, hollering about taming a tornado. 

It would be a good way to go out, you think, as Javi gives you a sheepish grin, air finally crackling through your lungs as a few tears slip down your cheeks. 

Tyler chokes on the other side of Kate and you slide down in the booth, shoulders shaking. Maria kicks your ankle under the table across from you, where she’s sitting in between Boone and Piper. 

“What the fuck are you laughing at? One time in college you stood at the stove for twenty minutes and couldn’t figure out why your food wasn’t cooking, all cause you had the wrong burner on! And you were sober!”

The table erupts again, much to the unnoticed irritation of the lone waitress, as Maria retells the story of the year you two had lived together, when you’d stood at the stove, unsure why your frozen package of fried rice wasn’t cooking, hoping to solve the problem with more olive oil. And boy, was there a lot of olive oil. 

“You don’t have room to talk Maria - you gave me a very expired jordan almond that nearly cracked a tooth!” You finally shoot back, earning you another round of laughter. 

After the table has finally quieted, a few stray giggles from Boone as he leans into Lilly, Kate pulls herself together enough to ask “Do you have a trademark chasing song?” 

Piper snorts into her milkshake. “Today we learned it’s A Pocketful of Sunshine… on repeat.” 

“Whoever used to get stuck in the van with Javi was made to listen to Salió El Sol by Don Omar probably about a dozen times.” Kate offers up in response. 

“You two are a match made in fucking heaven.” Dani comments under her breath and she groans, wincing as you deliver an elbow to her ribs. 

“It’s kind of ironic that both songs are about sunshine and you play it while chasing a storm when it’s very much not sunny.” 

Bailey frowns at Piper. “It’s almost like… that’s the whole point.”

-

“I still can’t quite believe you’re here.” Javi comments quietly as the two of you walk farther away from the source of laughter and noise, the twinkle of stars poking out from the sky streaked with clouds. It had been a good day, a good chase, and Tyler had ensured he led your friends to a great show. They were content to sit around a crackling fire, drawn in by the Wrangler charm (and you would never say, but you could see the looks Piper had been tossing Boone all night).

Javi puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, licking his lips. “You know, I- I always thought about you. Where you were, how you were doing. What I’d do if I ever saw you again. A whole 50 states, countless cities, and who knew you’d be here in Oklahoma.” 

“Well, the Oklahoma part’s easy. I wanted a teaching job after finishing my masters and Muskogee wanted me enough that uh, moving to Oklahoma was outweighed by all the pros of the job. And then yeah, I found my place, cute little yellow house with a porch just big enough for two chairs to curl up and watch the thunderstorms like I’d always wanted. It all sort of fell together for me.”

“And the storm chasing?” 

“Like your Mom used to say that summer in Miami, the worse the weather the happier the girl.” 

A haze glazed over his eyes. “Yeah, she did used to say that, didn’t she?” 

You snort. “She used to say it every chance she got. Especially after that one time I stood out in the storm and then your cousin Mickey yelled from the back porch that I was gonna get struck by lightening and then you pulled me inside because of-“ You cut yourself off, suddenly feeling off-kilter. 

You weren’t sure if that was off-limits. 

“How is Mickey?” 

Javi snorts. “Ah, he’s good. He’s stationed out in San Diego right now.”

You kick a rock. “Doesn’t that sound dreamy.” 

Javi lets out a real laugh this time. “Yeah, he isn’t going anywhere. After years of barracks and aircraft carriers, he’s basically living the high life in his four bedroom off-base beach house he shares with some of the guys.”

The two of you keep walking towards the outer edges of the motel, finally pulling you to a pause as you turn to Javi. “Kate seems really nice, Javi. I could see how you’re in love with her. Hell, I kinda think I’m in love with her.” 

His Adam’s apple bobs as he works his throat. He glances away from you, scuffing his feet against the muddy ground of the parking lot. 

“I don’t know that I am.”

You sigh, unclenching your hands from where they sit in your own jacket pockets, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. “Javi, you don’t have to lie to me. It’s okay.” You soothe. “We were never together, not really, and besides, it’s been years since then. It’s not even an attempt of an attack, just an observation.” He eyes you, silent, and you sigh. “Javi, really, I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

You falter but the boy doesn’t offer up anything else and you sigh again. “C’mon, tell me more about this new business venture of yours, I’m kind of interested in hearing how I can get involved with taming a tornado.” 

-

Javi falls back into your life as easily as he had fallen into it last time. 

His apartment in Tulsa is only a thirty minute drive from your house, a drive Javi says he’d make a million times over. 

Some nights, he’ll find his way to Claremore and the two of you will share dinner in your cozy kitchen. He’ll never tell you, but that first night he’d gone over to your house, he’d sat in his car for eight minutes, eyeing the warm lights inside the house, preparing to meet some- some husband or serious long-term partner because, well, a house is a big purchase. A house says I mean to be here for a while. Much to his pleasant surprise though, as you beam at him as you take the flowers and wine from him, there’s no partner in sight. 

He lets out a sigh of relief as he bumps hips with you in the kitchen, stirring a sauce, that he has you to himself. Not only had you created this simple little life for yourself that you had loved so much all on your own, he has you all to himself. 

He has a chance this time. 

Other times, you’ll meet him in Tulsa for a drink, laughing into each other as you recount the summer you’d spent in Miami and he catches you up on the days you missed. It’s an ache, to hear about the growing pains of the last few years for Javi, but that ache soothes itself every time you see him laugh, or pull Boone into a playful headlock, or him and Tyler bicker  business over Cathy’s barbecue. 

Sometimes the two of you will go for drives, you making him listen to every album of all your favorite artists that he might’ve missed, and on quieter nights, watch the summer storms from your porch. Sometimes, he wraps his ankle around yours, just to feel you. 

Even when he’s chasing, he calls you, even just to say goodnight, even if you always pretend not to hear the muffled teasing of his friends from somewhere off camera. The sleepy FaceTime calls, however short, make something in him swell every time he gets another chance to do it. 

He took things for granted once. He won’t take them for granted ever again. 

As the year grows, so do the two of you. 

The question he asks you as you walk back to your car after a movie shouldn’t take you by surprise. Still, it does and you stop as you turn to face him. 

“Do you want to go on a date?”

It’s a chillier night than usual for the summer that’s quickly fading into fall and you’re wrapped up in your jacket as you study his hopeful eyes, a nervous smile on his face. 

“None of that fooling around shit we did as kids. A real one this time.” 

“Javi.” You breathe out, so soft and sweet. 

You’d forsaken a chance to love Javi so long ago. A weaker woman would forget the way he’d confessed the quiet love he’d held for Kate, even if it felt like he’d love from afar. A weaker woman would forget the way he’d confessed that he thought he’d probably always be in love with Kate, his feelings for the girl frozen in time to the day that took so much from them both. 

But those feelings didn’t stay stuck in the past, had all caught up to him when he’d asked Kate to come back to Oklahoma last year.

And the Javi in front of you wasn’t that same scared kid who’d taken off for the Army the first time his older brother pressed about the lingering phantom pain. This was- well, not a fully healed Javi — could anyone really ever fully heal from what he and Kate had gone through — but a Javi who was on his way to healing. 

But still- 

Javi looked at Kate with a soft fondness, their bond unexplainable. The way they fed off each other’s energy, the little handshake they had going on good chase days, it all struck home to you. 

You knew what Javi had with Kate. Even if Kate never felt the same way towards him, you knew the feelings of the boy in front of you.

“No, Javi.” You say softly and he takes a half step back, jaw going slack. 

Too long, you’d been people’s last resort choice, the girl people picked when they had no one else. You wanted to keep Javi in your life but not at the cost of knowing that every night you laid next to him in bed he was thinking of someone else. 

You didn’t blame him. Kate was every bit of the enigmatic, bright, witty force that he’d described her to be. She was a freaky genius, a level of intelligence you were in awe of. Everyone around her was drawn into Kate’s presence and orbit, the time spent with her never feeling like a loss. 

You know that Kate was the type of girl that you fell for and loved forever. 

“Javi, I’m sorry.” You whisper. “But I can’t. I can’t be that for you. I think-“

He holds up a hand, taking another step back. “No. You don’t need to explain it to me.” 

“But I-“

“No, I get it. We’re better off as friends, just cause you were interested then, doesn’t mean you are now. You’ve got someone else.” The last sentence is delivered with what seems like to be great effort and your eyebrows furrow. “There’s countless excuses you could give me. We don’t need to go through them.” 

“No, Javi, you aren’t listening to me-“

“No, I heard you loud and clear. Get yourself home safely, okay?” 

And then he turns on his heel, walking towards his truck as you stand there dumbfounded. 

-

The cold of the Oklahoma winter is bitter, biting at your nose and cheeks as you duck in the barn, finally letting yourself breathe. 

For a holiday meant to be filled with cheer, this had felt like anything but. 

The last few months between you and Javi had been increasingly strained, the ever-persisting struggle of both of you being able to understand the other. Being at Kate’s for Christmas had felt suffocating, as Javi had hesitated around you the whole day, almost seemingly unsure of how to handle himself around you on such a big holiday. Javi had never hesitated when it came to you, and watching him so at ease with the rest of his friends had put a sour taste in your mouth even the sweetest of the hot toddies couldn’t rid. 

“How you and Javi haven’t fucked yet is beyond me.” 

Tyler’s words are crass, said with nothing less than the cowboy charm he turns on for the cameras. 

“Fuck off.” You say, back turned to the man as you thumb through the notebook on Javi’s desk in Kate’s barn. Tyler’s feet crunch against the cold ground as he walks closer. 

“Party’s inside, you know.” 

You don’t say anything and Tyler finally sits down next to you, the bench creaking as he does. 

“What are you even doing out here kid?” 

You shrug, looking up at the collection of photos. “How do you love someone with the kind of grief they carry?” You say quietly. “I mean, does it ever make you feel weird- Jeb? Like she’s not yours to love? That she belongs to another?”

He sighs. “I’ve never thought about it like that, I guess.”

“Then how do you think about it?” The question is blunt as you finally look away, meeting Tyler’s eyes. “Cause I gotta be honest with you, loving someone who loves another is exhausting.” 

Tyler ponders your words for a minute and you let him, knowing this conversation carries too much weight for unformulated answers and quick quips. “Of course, Kate will always love Jeb. Even as she heals and even as she grows around the grief, she’ll love him.” He draws a breath. “But you can’t do that to yourself, the wondering what ifs of if they had still been here. You’ll make yourself damn miserable if you do. Just because she loved Jeb before he died doesn’t she mean she’s not ever allowed to love again.” Tyler worries his bottom lip, looking like he’s unsure if he can, or should, say his next thought as he glances at a picture of the original Tornado Tamers. 

It’s Christmas, just like it is now. Everyone is in some variation of a Santa hat, Addy’s and Kate’s funny face pulled at the camera, the only sight of Jeb being his thumb held out as he took the picture. Javi and Praveen are none the wiser to what’s happening as Javi is urging the kid to drink eggnog for the first time. 

You know this story, it was one of Javi’s favorites. It was their junior year and a blizzard had blown through right before the holidays. All incoming and outgoing flights had been grounded and Cathy had offered her home up to the Tamers to spend the holiday.

“Just because he was in love with Kate once doesn’t mean he can’t love anyone else again.” 

The thing is, Javi had never told you that story. Kate did. She had told you softly last night as the two of you had made cookies, recounting the story with a bittersweet fondness. She had told you that remembering through those stories, that their lives, their love, had been real made the grief easier to swallow. Her friends had been real and they deserved to be remembered for the forces they were. 

They’d have wanted Kate to move forward. They’d have wanted her to find family and laughter after them. 

You sniff, not realizing you’d started crying until the warm tears start to streak down your face. Tyler’s eyes tear down from the picture in concern, a hand pulling from his coat pockets to rest gently on your shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s okay.” 

You remove your hands from your own pockets, thumbing tears away from your eyes. “I sort of think he’ll always be in love with Kate.” 

Tyler shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. I remember when Kate first got here, the way he looked at her. He’d do anything for her but- it’s different now.” 

Javi had said that to you once, the night before the two of you had parted. That he’d do anything for Kate. If she called him tomorrow, he’d go AWOL and join her in New York. He didn’t care what it took, just that he wanted to be there for her. 

“Sorry, this is weird to be talking to you about.” You croak. “I shouldn’t be-“ 

“I get it.” He says, cutting you off. “Okay, with them- it’s delicate because they know things about each other you and I will never understand, no matter how hard we try. But it’s not like that with them anymore. I think-“ Tyler cuts himself off. “Well, I guess I don’t really know what I think. I just know that the way he looked at her changed. They’ve fit into each other's lives the way they were supposed to always be. And it hasn’t just been since you’ve been around. Javi- he’s different now.”

“He asked once.” You say softly. “He asked me on a date in September. I said no.” Tyler’s eyes widen but your words and tears spill faster than you can stop either of them. “I said no cause- Javi and I just didn’t have a summer whatever one year in Miami. It was the summer after- after it all happened. I was there, on the one year anniversary. I held him as he told me how he’d lost them, the fear as he was shouting into a radio no one would ever answer again. I know the way he used to talk about Kate, the quiet awe you have of her too. And I get it, okay, because Kate’s Kate, and she’s an incredible- Kate’s one of the best people I’ve ever known. But I know the way he said he’d always love her. I know it because I’ve played that moment on repeat for five years now in the back of my head, willing that moment to be different. Because if it was just Javi grieving, I’d understand that. But I can’t love him while he grieves a love for someone else that will never come to fruition. And I don’t blame him. I couldn’t. Because of what he went through, driving around that wreckage for hours, searching for his friends, because he was the one to have to identify Praveen and what was left of Addy- and oh God- because I see what he sees in Kate. And I know I will never compete with that. He’s all I’ve ever wanted but he’s openly told me she’s who he wants. So- I don’t know where this leaves me.” 

Your shoulders shake with tears as Tyler frowns, unsure of what to say. 

“I just want him to love me back.” You say around salty tears as someone knocks cautiously on the barn door. 

“Everything okay out here?” Kate calls. “You guys have been out here for a while and Boone’s trying to trick Dexter into drinking the spiked nog- are you okay?” 

You’ve turned away from her as you cry over Javi’s notebook. It’s an old one from his Muskogee days (you can tell because his sprawling scribble of handwriting had much improved since these days, now a neat legible penmanship you think Scott just about beat into him) and distantly you wonder if he’ll care that you’re ruining years old notes about radar technology as your tears drop onto the page. 

Tyler moves away from the bench, and you hear him usher Kate out of the barn, even if it doesn’t really register with you that they’re gone. 

There’s another creaking on the bench next to you some time later. “Ty?” You croak.

“Just me, ‘m afraid.” Javi says gently, voice steady and smooth like honey, which only prompts you to cry more as you fight the urge to lean into that sweet comfort. “Okay, well you don’t have to have that reaction.” He huffs, part kidding, part annoyed. 

All you can focus on is the hint of irritation in his voice and you shake your head. “It’s not you.” He grunts and you shake your head more vigorously. “I’m not mad at you, I’m not. I’m just sad.” 

“Sad to see me?” 

“Kind of-“ 

He starts to rise from the bench, much to your panic. “I’ll go get- well, Dani doesn’t really do feelings, so um-“

“Javi-“ 

“or maybe Lilly? Or Dexter-“ 

“Javi, no-“ 

“-if you want that sort of older and wiser opinion-“ 

“Javi, please just listen to me-“ 

“I can even go get Owens again if you want-“ 

“Javi I’m sad because I love you!” You near shout. “I’m sad to see you because I’m in love with you but you’re in love with Kate and that makes me sad because I just want you to love me back!” 

Javi freezes, awkwardly straddling the bench. You sit there in an uncomfortable silence, too many agonizing seconds passing. You feel like you can hear your heart threatening to beat its way from your throat and out into the open and the tears feel suffocating as you stare back into the face of pure disbelief. 

“You- what?” His eyebrows pinch together, falling onto the bench with a rather loud thud. 

“I’m in love with you, okay? I’ve been trying to avoid it for months but I can’t. It all means too much to me, like when you call me to tell goodnight when you’re out chasing or- or how you always pick me up that apple pastry from the bakery in Tulsa. All the sweet stuff you do for me but I- Javi, I love that you’re back in my life, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I just feel like I’m the alternate- the- the second choice because Kate’s with Tyler. And I can’t give myself away for someone who will only ever give me pieces of themselves in return.” 

Minutes pass as Javi scrubs a hand down his face. “But I- I asked you. I asked you out on a date. You said no.” 

You give a pitiful shrug, having given up on wiping away the tears that are freezing to your skin. “I don’t want to be who you settle for because you can’t have her.” 

He lets out a low breath, head ducked. The gnawing pit in your stomach grows as Javi keeps his face turned away from you, not letting you see his expression. “All this time, I thought there was someone else.” 

You recoil back, surprise shocking your system. “What?” You let out, mind reeling. “Javi, I spend all my free time with you. When- when would I have the time? When have I ever said anything about seeing anyone else?” 

“You said no.” It’s a simple fact, one you can’t argue with. “You said no and we never talked about if either of us were seeing other people.” 

You swallow, glancing away. “Well, I’m not. For the record. All I wanted was you.” 

A beat passes, a chill blows through the barn. “You really think I’m in love with Kate?” He asks quietly, voice raw. 

“You told me yourself that you thought you’d always be in love with her.” 

Javi finally looks up at you, something immeasurable and unexplainable swimming in his glassy eyes. “Yeah, I loved Kate once. But we were kids. We were kids who thought we were invincible. And we had everything taken from us because we got stupid and reckless. We lost everything. And after she lost Jeb, I knew that there would be no way she would ever look at me that way, especially not after she met Tyler. I think- I think of Kate and I as like a broken bone. That break hurt like hell, but time mended our wounds, brought us back together. That bone’s stronger now, we’re stronger now because we’re friends.” Javi scoots forward so his knees touch yours as his eyes take on a pleading glimmer. “You and I, we didn’t end up here in Oklahoma by coincidence. Call it- fucking fate, invisible string, I don’t know. But I don’t take any of it for granted. I took things for granted once and I got punished for it. I’m not taking my second chance with you for granted. All that stuff- the- the calling you at night, spending all my time with you, doing that sweet shit for you- you gotta know it’s cause I love you, you and no one else, and I’m not ever going to take it for granted because I know better than anyone how quickly it could disappear.” Javi takes your hand, gently moving it to place over his heart. “C’mon darling, you have to know that you’re the one my heart beats for.” 

Your breath hitches at the gesture, eyes darting around his face, looking for any sign of him being untruthful. 

All you can find is a raw honesty that’s making it hard for you to breathe. 

You lick your lips, sucking in a shaking breath. “Javi, I don’t- I don’t know.” 

He squeezes your hand before letting it fall as he stands up. “Think about it.” 

So you do. 

You do think about it. 

You watch Javi the rest of the night, the way he makes sure to snag an extra of your favorite cookie before Boone can take it so you have something for the drive back to Claremore. You watch as he and Kate fight over the rules of Uno, Lilly unfortunately squashed between them. You can’t help but notice that Javi hugs you just a little bit longer than he does everyone else. 

On the drive home, you think of the way Javi has always been warm to you, has been a safe place to go, a soft place to land. The way his hugs feel like coming home. The way he’ll sleepily ask about your day, mouth full of toothpaste, Boone’s elbow in his face as they cram into the tiniest bathroom. 

That night in bed, you think of the way his Mom sent you a Christmas present, how his younger cousins always asked him when you were coming back to visit. You think of the way he cooks his Mom’s recipes for you on the bad days, the light in his eyes when you bring him your grandmother’s cookies after nasty chases. 

Over the next week, you think about the work lunch dates and your work from home days spent at his and Kate’s office in Tulsa. You think about weekend chases shoved in between him and Boone, knees knocking together. You think about how sometimes, on days he’s feeling good, he’ll let you ride shotgun in one of the work vans, letting you help set up the radars. You think of the way he lets you sit next to him and Kate at the end of the day, breaking down the data for you, quietly explaining anything you don’t understand. 

You think of the way you’ve always wanted to know what his lips taste like after eating his homemade penne alla vodka and you’d give anything to spend another night molded into his frame, scratching your hand through his curls. 

You think of the grin you caught one time as you had insisted on dancing in the rain. You think of the time his team had caught him staring at you as you awed over a summer lightning storm on the road, the teasing endless. You think of the way he’d taken it, never denying it. 

You think of the way Kate kept softly nudging him towards you, the way Kate and Javi had opened up to you and Tyler about their dead. You think of the times the four of you had found yourselves together, a content peace emanating from the group, knowing you’d found your love. 

A million memories later, you know it’s the truth. 

Javi loves you. 

The minutes pass by on your dashboard clock, the start of the New Year looming, and you pressed your foot on the gas, begging anything out there that would listen, Javi had decided to stay in tonight. If he was in Sapulpa with Kate, or had actually decided to take that last minute flight out to Miami, this would have all been for naught. 

You park on the street, the noise of the people in Javi’s apartment ramping up as midnight drew closer. The sound of your feet running up the stairs were drowned out by the noise of his neighbors and you cursed under your breath, hoping he’d hear the almost frantic knock on his front door. 

You have to remind yourself to breathe, gulping in air, when the door swings open, revealing Javi, decked out in grey sweatpants and a silly Wranglers shirt Dani had given him, looking like he’d been on the verge of dozing off. 

He says your name in surprise, shuffling forward almost as if to touch you. “What are you doing here?” 

You take a shuddering breath, shrugging. “What’s that stupid thing Tyler always says? If you feel it, chase it? Well Javi, I feel it. I feel it and I’m chasing it.” 

His breath hitches but you give him no other time to respond, tugging on the front of his shirt as you pull him down into a kiss. 

It’s soft, it’s searing. It’s everything you could’ve ever wanted. 

His lips mold themselves against yours, hands finding your waist, as your palms slide up against his shirt, curling into his hair. You tilt your head, letting him deepen the kiss as the pressure on your hips grow. 

Distantly, you can hear fireworks set off. 

He pulls away, more than a little breathless as his thumb reaches up to wipe a bit of saliva away, heat flooding your cheeks at the movement. 

“Does this make me your New Year’s kiss?” 

“I guess it depends on if it makes you my boyfriend.” 

He shrugs nonchalantly, tugging at some of your hair. “I think we could maybe work something out.” 

You suck a breath in through your teeth. “Can I come inside? It’s fucking freezing out here.” 

“Oh shit, yeah.” He tugs you into the warmth of his apartment, moving to behind you to gently remove your coat from you. You swallow at the casual intimacy as he turns to hang it on the coat rack. His hands are back on you not much longer after, his lips place open kisses down the side of your neck as he moves your hair out of his way. 

You hum, leaning into him. “Bedroom?” 

“Bedroom.”

-

The new January light filters through the cracks in Javi’s, a soft grey covering the room as you reach you to card your fingers through his hair. 

He stirs, nuzzling closer to your hand as he blindly reaches out for you. Once he finds you, he softly tugs you towards him. 

“My ma is gonna be pissed I’ve taken you to bed before I’ve taken you out on a date twice now.” 

You snort, head falling into the crook of his  neck as his hands slip under your, well, actually it’s Javi’s shirt. You slide impossibly closer to him, grinning into his shoulder at his hiss at the feeling of your cold feet sliding in between his legs. 

“Did you ever actually get this mole checked out like I told you to?” 

You peer up at him, admiring the way his eyelashes frame his eyes, his freckles visible even in the silvery lighting. “Is that really what you care about right now?” 

“Just asking.” He mumbles. “Am I not allowed to care about your well-being?” 

You hum, reaching a hand up to ghost over his cheek. “I guess that might be okay, lover.” 

He groans, hands flexing around you. “Don’t tease me like that. ‘Specially not when you’re wearing my shirt and boxers like that baby.” 

You laugh but don’t push the moment any farther, wanting to relish this quiet moment with him. You’d never have the first morning of being with him again, after all. 

“I love you so much baby.” He says softly. “I still can’t believe you showed up like that last night.” “You’re my home Javi. How could I have gone anywhere else?”

[eddiediaaz]

hellooooo! i read a lot of buck/eddie fics, literally everyday, and earlier this december i thought "why not share some of my favorites that i have read this month?" so here we are! i couldn't include everything i've read and enjoyed, the list would be really long. but i've picked a few fanfics that i've read (for the first time) in december that were really huge favorites and stayed with me for a little while these past days/weeks. i will try to make these on a monthly basis, because fanfic authors deserve all of the recognition! oh, and happy new year!

both blades and branch by @cal-daisies-and-briars 62k | mature | canon divergence | completed: december 2023

The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.

this fic is absolutely incredible. i couldn't put it down once i started. it's extremely well written and brilliantly planned out. the angst is heavy but so is the reward: this is an amazing story. easily an all-time favorite!

my blood on your skin (my rose on your snow) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels 80k | explicit | alternate universe | posted: october 2023

When Eddie needs cash and fast to take care of Christopher, his LAFD Academy buddy suggests a job as a bouncer at Elysium - an exclusive sex club in downtown Los Angeles. Eddie doesn't care what goes on there, so long as he's paid, but he finds he cares a lot bout the club's enigmatic owner, Evan Buckley, and it's not long before the two of them are violating every boss-employee rule in the book. But there's something different about Buck and the club, something not quite... human. If Eddie wants to keep Buck, he's going to have to delve into the world of immortals, and all the risks that implies.

another exquisite fic from this author. they never miss!! this one explores a dynamic i don't read that often (sub eddie) but it works SO well here. extremely well done, as usual. i also absolutely love this buck here.

burn a bridge, learn how to swim [series] by watermelonshorts 34k | mature/explicit | canon verse | completed: july 2021

In which there is some unexpected making out, some pining, one third of an existential crisis and a lot of unhelpful advice. Not necessarily in that order.

they are GIANT disasters in here! really loved the humoristic tone of this whole thing. i just wanna shake them and yell learn how to communicate properly damn it!

dead reckoning by euadnes 28k | mature | canon verse | posted: december 2022

In which a tragedy on the edge of a firestorm leaves part of the 118 stranded and struggling to survive in the wilderness. Left entirely to their own devices, the survivors fight to come home, alive.

buck, eddie, and ravi survive a plane crash, and it's amazing. incredibly well written, i was hooked from the very start and couldn't put it down until i was done.

here comes the jackpot question in advance by @lamardeuse 4k | teen+ | canon verse | posted: december 2023

Buck is determined to start the new year right.

this is very very very cute!!! i always love a cute holiday themed get together story. as always, this author nailed the characterization!

being eddie by @cal-daisies-and-briars 79k | teen+ | canon divergence | completed: august 2023

When Eddie starts seeing a new therapist, he’s presented with the opportunity to revisit several days from his past and right regrets that still bother him. OR: Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica

incredible concept!!! all the moments chosen for eddie to revisit are perfect and make so much sense for his character. this was such a great read and an absolutely amazing character exploration fic.

a blaze in the dark by @woodchoc-magnum 117k | explicit | canon verse | published: december 2023

Set post-Season 6, where Buck has inadvertently sacrificed his friendship with Eddie in order to focus on his new relationship with Natalia, and is shocked when Eddie comes out to the team and subsequently reveals that he is dating a guy.

okay so i literally read this in one sitting and went to bed at 7am to finish it. i couldn't put it down. the angst is SO good and frustrating and delicious and painful. but the payoff is so worth it!! this is really really really good. i loved all the dynamics, especially eddie and karen's friendship.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

hello hello! can i just say, i love your takes so much. it feels like you’ve read my mind on how katara would actually react in certain situations. currently myself, im rewriting the structure of the show in a way that makes more sense (aka, getting rid of kataang altogether and focusing on actual growth for each character including aang!) and im struggling a bit on aang actually!

we know how brykke basically stunted aang’s growth because of their weirdness. but what if aang never had a crush on katara? what if he sees katara as the big sister he always wanted instead, making their relationship more wholesome than weird? i think he’s such a centralized character, but when i develop the others beyond the show, aang feels like he’s left behind.

maybe that’s part of it too! he is a boy out of time, and now more of a concept than a person as far as anyone else outside of his immediate group knows. in this au where i intend to age everyone up, i’m just curious to see what kind of man aang would grow up into if his motivations for katara was never there. i see him as trying to hold onto his lost childhood and then having to come to terms with the fact he can’t. but i’d love to hear your thoughts. who is aang outside of that? his journey has the opportunity to be so fascinating, but brykke kind of said hey! let’s not get into that! let’s make him a creepy god boy who gets whatever he wants!

(also to note, this version of aang is meant to be with azula and while i love the meta ive seen about taang i do personally hc her as a lesbian but i do like them but yeah!)

also sorry if this is too rambly i’m just very excited!

hi! This is such a nice message, and please never apologize for rambling! My blog is a safe space for all ramblers. Your fic sounds like a very exciting project!

I definitely agree with you that he’d try to hold onto his childhood & have a hard time with his grief; coming to terms with the depth of his loss would be an exceptionally interesting arc. His people were victims of genocide: his culture and his loved ones were brutally murdered. Nobody can replace that community, not even his chosen family of the Gaang, and certainly not a romantic partner.

But Aang certainly is somebody outside of all that tragedy too. I think his cheerfulness and optimism, his playfulness, his resilience, his reluctance to assume responsibility, and his prodigiousness are all important facets of his personality.

Here's my piping hot take: Aang is James Potter with a more tragic backstory and less of a cruel streak. Think about it: mischievous, funny, adventurous, brave, enjoys attention, popular, devoted to friends, prodigious, entitled when it comes to love interests, morally inflexible, dedicated to Good, can be too arrogant to recognize his own faults. We hear that James became a pretty decent guy, so there's plenty of potential for growth for Aang, especially if he doesn't get his forever girl at age twelve.

Aang has a big heart and stringent morals, but is still a bit of a trickster. Not in a malicious way, but in a “I have a zest for life way” that gives him a little bit of an edge beyond just being a sunshine boy. You can see this even in ep 1, when he sacrifices himself so that the village would be left alone, only to haul ass out of the Fire Nation ship as soon as they’re safe. You can also see it in The Great Divide, where he straight up just fabricates history lmao. Lying is not an issue for him at all, which indicates it’s not really part of his moral code.

On the other hand, he obviously feels very strongly about taking life, which indicates a black and white approach towards morality that is not uncommon in kids. I could see an older, more mature Aang being led to question his own approach to morality, particularly by someone like Zuko, who probably finds violence a lot more palatable than lying. I think there are very interesting cultural differences that can be explored here, which doesn’t necessarily mean that Aang will change his opinions, only that he’ll have greater respect for how other cultures see right and wrong, and that he can keep Air Nomad culture alive without taking on the burden of being the manifestation of that culture. He has the innate impulse to try to see the best in people, which is at odds with his black and white morals sometimes. Related to that, he really struggles with morally grey characteristics in his friends. I think that if he had a fleshed out opportunity to properly disagree with his friends, he may not necessarily change his own mind, but he might grow to value his friends' freedom of choice over imposing his own values on them, since one of the cornerstones of Air Nomad philosophy is apparently about freedom. I think his pacifist voice is an important contribution to their ragtag group of overpowered pre-teens and teens and I love it when that aspect is explored in fics.

I've seen some really good depictions of Aang-not-obsessed-with-Katara in fanfiction (Southern Lights has my favourite one; in fact it's my fave characterization of basically everyone except for Mai). I see most of his flaws as things he can grow out of, but only if he encounters difficult situations and learns to grow. Have fun with your fic, and please do share in any relevant tags once you start posting!

[yugiohz]

i love this blog because most of you don't care about or follow bnha so i can vent here without getting dogpiled by other readers. also, everyone is welcome to comment, disagree etc. as long as you're respectful, what i don't like though is when people who haven't read bnha in years add comments/speculations ike bro you weren't there!!! anyway i put this rant under a read more ^-^

to preface this, I don't want to bitch and moan too much about this epilogue, Horikoshi seems to have given up and tbh we don't know what drove him to this point of resignation (probably overexertion).

I've made around 50 posts about the todoroki closure and what kind of ending they received, but i think there's one thing that bothered me that i never menitoned; I have a bone to pick with class 1A being granted immunity to everything while the villains have to bear the brunt of horikoshi's questionable decisions.

while i never really cared about class 1a, i've always respected that class 1A's community is a focal aspect of horikoshi's storytelling. In that regard, I wasn't surprised that Shoto would be okay with the dysfunctional state of his family because they've never been a support system for him , class 1A is his support system and where he first builds his genuine relationships and that's cute. I also think Shoto's shouout to class 1A in the epilogue tied rlly well into his fight with Dabi (the anime made it even nice imo), like i can't deny that shoto's 1st year of high school helped him so much on so many levels!

that being said, that transition from family to class 1A still left a bitter taste in my mouth because, to me (!!!!!!!!), it just felt emblematic of the ignorance and shortsightedness that permeates horikoshi's writing, especially coupled with these recent chapters; this epilogue enforces bnha's ignorant belief that as long as deku's immediate cirlce (class 1A) is fine and trying their best, we don't have to worry about anything else; Class 1A get to have their corny moments, survive heart attacks & open heart surgeries, their arms grow back, but NONE of that suspension of disbelief that it takes to accept this make-belief story is granted to the villains. The juxtaposition between how class 1A was handled vs. how the villains were handled is too jarring. This epilogue cemented to me (!!!) that heroes and villains seem to abide by 2 separate sets of diegetic rules/logic, which is just bad writing to me because there is no coherence behind it beyond the "good people deserve good endings and abjects of society deserve bad endings". you really can't be mad at "villain stans" for being incredibly frustrated when we SEE that horikoshi can very well bend some rules and make characters survive (which in itself isn't even my main gripe) and grant them kinder endings.

I love tragedies and I would be fine with some not so great outcomes (dabi) if the asymmetry between heroes and villains weren't to jarring. This epilogue made it very clear whom horikoshi deems worthy of kindness & dignity and whom he doesn't.

Class 1A getting to live in their little microcosm where they get rewareded for mere effort & can sing and dance all kumbaya while every single villain (VICTIM) dies is just insane. It feels perverse to me. and while i do think that shoto's love for class 1A is convincing and fits his arc, I also think that it's a bit ridiculous that horikoshi always emphasizes that love when shoto doesn't form significant relationships outside of the main boy circle, how come ochako is also part of that circle but he doesn't talk to her once (misogyny), horikoshi talks an awful lot about this particular bond when shoto has like 3 friends in that class, which is fine but you can't be mad at me for wanting him to put some effort into how shoto deals with his BROTHER like they should've gotten a bigger moment..........

I can come to terms with dabi's ending tbh. while i wouldn't have written it like that, he's always been a dead man walking so whatever, i can see the tragic value of it in some grotesque way even though i'd love for a victim to survive this violence. But shigaraki's ending is extremely insulting and leaves a very questionable message like what's the point of this.

whatever this epilogue is beyong ridiculous to me & horikoshi is tired so i will let this rest and not waste my time being any more upset about it hopefully. most of bnha has been very fun and the bakudeku plotline was handled beautifully imo, you can tell horikoshi put effort and love into that and for that i'm grateful <3 don't ask me anything about the villians tho

i wrote this at 7am on an empty stomach so feel free to comment/correct/remind of sth i love talking about this :)

and as much as i appreciate the much more positive reception of these recent chapters I read those posts too, I don't think it's wrong to say that, on a very basic level, bnha is extremely disappointing for failing its biggest victims

the only thing that could make me take back all of my criticism would be bnha 2.0 in which horikoshi would actually make his characters reflect onn whatever happened lmaoooo

[boyfridged]

I miss precrisis Bruce... like what the fuck happened to him at today's era and why he is characterize as an abusive asshole?

this is an interesting question because i don't actually think he is consistently characterized as an abusive asshole, especially not in the last couple of years. it happens, of course, and it brings in a lot of attention specifically because it's controversial– like gotham war, or king's iteration, or lobdell's whump– but there are plenty of writers who are quite persistent in their propagation of bruce as a loving & caring character – this is for example what zdarsky was so liked for before the current event (the famous "lollipop scene"), what tynion was set on during his run, and what williamson seems to want to achieve in batman and robin (or at least this is my impression from what i've seen, as i haven't read it yet). and it's not like there were not similar attempts to bring in some of pre-crisis-esque personality back.

the reason for which pre-crisis bruce is pre-crisis bruce is not just his personality; it's not that he is strangely modest for the circumstances or sweet to people around him as a rule or even gregarious by default. it's because he is portrayed in a very human, ordinary way. and the reason for which he is human is his civilian life and the civilian cast. we get to see bruce as a friend, as a lover, as a socialite, and as a father because his civilian persona is actually real. pre-crisis bruce does not have a social life just to gather "intel." it's not an undercover "brucie" mission. it is his life. and it's nowhere as grand as what contemporary comics make it to be, btw (@roobylavender has recently written a great post about how bruce's fame became more and more exaggerated).

but post-crisis, things around bruce change in many ways, and gotham is nowhere as cosy when it comes to the portrayal of its communities. bruce is also not really a father anymore (and in my opinion he never truly is one again at all). and in place of the vigilante lifestyle that was much slower, emergencies that were usually much more local, we have a major crisis after a major crisis. this is nowhere compatible with who bruce used to be.

in other words, pre-crisis bruce simply cannot exist in post-crisis; because the world is wider, because he's barely a civilian anymore, because the part of him that is a civilian is also just another mask. and part of it is just bad writing that i do not appreciate. but, i am not gonna lie, i do believe some of it also makes sense.

personally, i would not like to see bruce coming back to his pre-crisis personality all of a sudden, because it's horror material rather than a retcon that could be achieved seamlessly. and i think this is one of the reasons why batman of the last couple of years fails to bring back these qualities even though at times it seems they want to. the editorial wants bruce to be an ordinary man again but they also cannot compromise and by necessity keep all the edge and grandiose of the current era. they also fail to understand that it does not matter if bruce is not a 1% anymore if he still has no real civilian cast around. and finally, after all the tragedies, it would be disturbing to see bruce unchanged. so all i ask is just acknowledgment that he used to be different. i always talk about it but dc retconning their timelines to preserve the same characterisation is one of their biggest mistakes. let the characters be dynamic. let there be development, for better or worse.

sorry, this got away from me! i do miss pre-crisis bruce. i do. but i don't think he's coming back, nevermind bruce being asshole or not (and he also was not always an angel pre-crisis. obv. he could be an asshole too if he felt like it.)

[meowsielee]

a brief Asha description for my Wish rewrite

i made a bunch of changes to her character and characterization for my rewrite so here's a quick summary of her character.

is it necessary? no

will it be fun for me? yes

Asha is the sixteen year old Princess of Rosas. Born with magical abilities to a peasant family, she was adopted by King Magnifico and Queen Amaya after her parents and grandfather were killed by a mysterious assailant. The King and Queen took interest in her because of her gift of being able to grant anyone’s wishes. However, this was only for their sakes as, in order to perform their sorcery, they need a natural source of magic. Before they only had the wishes of the citizens of Rosas. Now, they have Asha.

Asha’s life in the castle is one of extreme difficulty and loneliness. Magnifico and Amaya are horrible and outright abusive parents. Magnifico can be violent towards Asha, only seeing her as a source of magic rather than as a person. Amaya’s relationship towards Asha is more… complex, but she at least believes she is a good parent. With the whole castle under Magnifico’s thumb, Asha cannot even rely on her guards or handmaidens for comfort or protection. She has had no time to properly process her family’s deaths, and her status as Princess makes connecting with others difficult. More than anything, Asha longs for love, safety, and a community. Initially, the only place where she can find this community is out in nature with the animals. One of her only outlets of self expression is her art.

In the City of Rosas, Princess Asha can be a bit of an afterthought. Magnifico and Amaya are so extroverted and charismatic that Asha is frequently left behind, sitting off in the shadows during Magnifico’s addresses to the people, sketching away in her book. Her image is more rare around the kingdom and not many people get to actually see her. Some have never even heard her voice. This has led to a wide array of opinions about the Princess. Some see her as aloof and standoffish, maybe even a bit of a snob. Others see her as a mysterious and cool beauty they can idolize. 

However, once you move away from the city into the rural farms and forests of Rosas, the opinion about her is quite different, especially the closer you get to her hometown. This is because many of these people remember Asha before she was a princess. When she was a lively and happy child who loved granting wishes. They remember the great tragedy she faced, how she was taken away from her community, and how her new title has made her become so quiet and distant. Did she forget about her past as a peasant, or is something more going on in that castle?

Likes:

Animals (even Charo)

Nature

Art (specifically portraits of people and close ups of nature)

Desserts, candy, sweets of all kinds

The sea 

Granting wishes

Dislikes:

Her adoptive parents

Being compared to Amaya 

Sleeping 

Her guards (she does not remember their names)

Being cold

Random Quirks:

(some of these are just not in the fic, if it were novel length it would be)

She often draws people in secret because she doesn’t like asking them to pose for her. This has led to her developing a talent for drawing people very fast.

She eats cookies as part of her breakfast.

She sometimes suffers from rbf.

She refuses to wear any necklace other than her beaded ones. They’re the last things she has to remind her of her mother. 

Her magic is like the oxygen that runs through her body. That’s why when Magnifico is taking it away from her (especially when he’s being forceful) it feels like she’s being strangled.

She knows she’s beautiful. 

If she lived in our world, she would absolutely listen to Lana del Rey and Mitski.

Because she was sheltered all her life (grew up in a small forest community, spent ten years as the Princess) she has very little experience on various aspects of normal everyday life. Her concept of money is really skewed ($10 banana energy) and so is her concept of food because there is always an excess amount at the castle.

Design Details:

Her design is fairly similar to her canon design, just more princess-y. Her dress is still purple, however, it is much darker in color. I like this choice because:

It differentiates her from the millions of other Disney heroines who wear purple

It fits her more melancholy demeanor

It works with the idea of the heroes wearing dark colors while the villains wear light colors (Starboy wears black, Asha wears dark purple, Valentino is brown; Magnifico and Amaya wear white, Charo is white)

Her dress is made up of two parts–the dark purple underdress and a second part that goes over it (I don’t know what to call it, maybe like a pinafore but not really), which is more similar in color to her canon outfit. She has the same belt and jewelry, but more fancy save for her red necklaces. She also has some purple ribbons braided into her hair. 

[ca-suffit]

I'm so disappointed by Armandstans recently,i naively though that there would be some kind of solidarity because they are 2 moc but i guess antiblackness is stronger, probably also for shipping reasons they are trying to sidelines him,i think at this point i prefer lestans over them.

It's infuriating,i'm glad next season the focus is less on Louis let's see who 's gonna take the blame now.

I know Louis is far from perfect, you can criticize him but i rarely see good takes that 's why they think we want to absolve him from his wrongdoing which is completely false.

I have always been extremely critical of his actions toward Claudia.Louis is not an angel but his deserves a nuanced treatment just like his vampires peers.

I'm shocked at what I'm seeing too. I cannot believe how much worse the antiblackness has gotten now. We've seen Louis in two abusive relationships now and ppl are still victim blaming? Across BOTH?? I thought the parallels made it easier for everyone to see a much fuller picture of all these characters. I mean this post I made shows Lestat and Armand complaining similarly about Louis. This season showed a lot more of Louis' issues and it was great to see them! Claudia was over him too. He was fucking up all over, he was going crazy, he was insecure and lonely and lost. How the hell ppl take all that and wrap it up into "I don't know why anyone feels bad for Louis at all, he's not so innocent." What the fuck kind of thing is that to say??

The show keeps saying, thru itself and interviews otherwise, that everyone here is flawed. This is a bunch of traumatized vampires trying to navigate relationships with each other. They hate themselves, they hate each other, they hate immortality. It's a lot of figuring out what "enduring" means and how u do it without losing ur fucking mind in the process. Louis' self-medicating thru addicts and hooking up / eating ppl, his hobbies, Armand's theatre and the coven, whatever Lestat was ever fucking doing. It's all a bunch of vampires trying to give their eternal life purpose and manage a shit ton of unresolved grief. "Nuance" is a word that everyone loves using but does anyone know what it means? Cuz why does it keep coming down to "my side is better than ur side." Everyone sucks here! Exploring the ways they're all damaged is the part that's supposed to be fun! It's the tragedy of it and the beauty.

I am also interested in seeing what happens if Louis is not prominent in S3 to blame. Although I also have an idea of how it will look and there's gonna be no talking to ppl about it. I wish ppl understood their own racial biases and it was easier to communicate this stuff to anyone. Fandoms are always inherently racist and the fact that we can never move forward on this is sad af.

[alexiethymia]

I adored Crash Course in Romance and I adored the ending. The entire series made me feel so warm and full. Again, it’s a refreshing series for me because there were a lot of beats that didn’t turn out the way the usually would in other kdramas and which I really loved, mainly the whole miscommunication trope. I was worried that Chiyeol would push Hangseon away after yet another trauma, but instead he only pulls her closer. One of the main reasons why I just love, love this series so much is because they communicate. They are unbelievably supportive toward each other. Instead the pain and miscommunication comes through Hangseon and Haeyi’s relationship which again I love because ultimately the crux of this series was the mother-daughter relationship between these two. I loved it because it was a realistic depiction of the complicated feelings someone in Haeyi’s situation would feel. The pain of thinking all this time she was a burden on her mom, and Hangseon’s pain at being rejected. I love the both of them because they have such a good head on their shoulders. Logically, they know that it shouldn’t matter that Hangseon wasn’t the one to give birth to Haeyi but they still struggle with how they stand in relation to each other. And that scene at the end which parallels Haeyi running to Haengseon as a kid was just beautiful.

Chiyeol said that he was changing, and that theme of change being reflected in everyone was again just beautiful. These are just a few points that I really loved and want to show my appreciation for:

Hangseon getting to fulfill her dream no matter her age. I adore her seriously. It’s not all roses, not perfect. It’s realistic in that she still fails twice, but she gets to be confident and happy as she studies, largely in part because of the great support system she has and how content she is with life. After everything she’s worked for and sacrificed I am just so happy she gets to have everything - her dream, her daughter, the love of her life. No wonder Chiyeol is smitten.

Jaewoo and Youngjoo happy together.

Su-a becoming more human. I cheered when she gave Haeyi those notes and how she was more expressive. Again I’m happy for her, for the chance to change.

Weirdly enough I liked Su-a’s mom and her arc. Because just no, nothing excuses cheating, bastard and I love the way she reacted. Likewise for Sun-jae’s mom and her own self-reflection and that it was her kids who finally pulled her back from the path of self-destruction. For what it’s worth, even after the reveal, they always referred to Hangseon as ‘Haeyi’s mother’.

The fact that there were consequences, for the above characters, and as shown by what happened to Mr. Ji. Because again, what happened to Mr. Ji was still a tragedy. Unlike Su-a, Sun-jae, and their moms, no one was there to stop him and to pull him back. I still think there could have been a chance for him if he took Chi-yeol’s hand. Likewise with Haeyi’s birth mom. Even if she is now regretting being out of place, there are indeed consequences to her leaving, but the drama isn’t so cynical as to completely close the door on her being part of the family. And again I love the drama so much because of that.

The sweet, sweet domesticity. How Chiyeol is patient and impatient in his own way. How he doesn’t want to crowd her and let her fulfill her dream at her own pace, but c’mon he just really wants to marry her so bad already (like booking and then cancelling the wedding hall without telling her). The little parallels like how Hangseon is now in Chiyeol’s place when he was still studying, and how Chiyeol can be there for Hangseon the way her mom was there for him. The way he just cheered like crazy the same way like when Haengseon told him Haeyi topped the mock exam. It is so funny to me why he still pretends to be all cool with his family when they all know how dorky he is. He is just so proud of his family, but now he’s close enough with his students that he can share that immense joy with them. I am so happy for him. When he was screaming “SHE PASSED!”, he was also basically just screaming, “I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!” He was so excited, ecstatic even. I wonder if all his students are invited. I’ve always wanted that for him. I am also so happy he was able to reconnect with his college friend.

Haeyi x Sunjae end game!!! I must admit that I was ready to have my heart broken because they really went through the ringer, but again I am soft for the best friends trope, and Haeyi is indeed her mom’s daughter. Of course she would be all gruff and embarrassed and fall for a dorky simp of a guy who just adores her. I’m happy for all of the kids. I’m happy they moved past their parents’ petty politics and grew.

The! Little! Touches! Of! Sweet! Domesticity! Again I cannot shut up about it. The way he kisses her cheek as he tells her how proud he is of her. They way they kiss the back of each other’s hand. Picking her up, Hangseon feeling all the flutters at being pampered (as she should!), I absolutely knew he was just waiting to propose to her! Hangseon taking action and the both of them proposing to each other!! He is down bad but he will refrain as Hangseon asks so that she can focus (but seriously he should know better as a teacher haha).

The only minor complaint I have is that we didn’t get to see the actual wedding. Like what is with that and kdramas haha. I have lost count of how many kdramas where I really wanted there to be a wedding in the end, but never getting it.

But all in all, I am so happy for my parents and kids. This is one of those few dramas where I loved everyone and hated no one. I loved everyone’s stories. This was my comfort watch during the weekends. I am so glad I started and finished it. I think I’ll really miss everyone.

Found family at its finest. I am full. 10/10

[ceo-of-kimona]

What to do with Scott…

A question that many many Kimona enjoyers face in our time is thus: “where the hell do we put Scott Pilgrim?”

The guy is a weird case. He’s the main character, the damn series was named after him, he’s integral to the life and stories of both of these women. Although; he is also a massive cockblock (or vag block?? Idk) and must be obliterated in order for the two to be happy. So, to prevent Kimona fic writers (also known as the greatest and most noble heroes of our time) from needing to contend with this great query again, I shall compile a list of potential things you could do with Scott to get him the hell out of the way. In no particular order.

1. Break Scott and Ramona up

Probably the most direct and simple answer, especially if you’re going for a more cannon compliant, post cannon universe. Though it does kinda invalidate all of the shit they got through to get together if they just split up like that. So I suggest that if you do break them up, make it on good terms. Make it so that it’s mutual and mutually beneficial and mature. Less of a “I hate you and I never want to see you again” and more of a “it was fun, you helped me a lot, but now we gotta go our separate ways in life.” Their development shouldn’t be rendered moot by the breakup, instead make the breakup part of their development.

2. Create an AU where Scott does not exist

A fairly easy one, if Scott doesn’t exist, you can just go along your merry way with your shipping. Fics where Kim finds Ramona before Scott or fics where Scott doesn’t ever fall in love with Ramona for whatever reason also fall under this category. These are good, but a bit bland. There isn’t a great lot you can tell here cause Scott’s douchery kinda holds together the plot pretty much. It is only by him being a rat-ass fuckboy that anyone ever meets anyone in the comics. Also, without having her relationship with Scott, Ramona just doesn’t have her vital character arc that the relationship brings. She’s always gonna be the same ol Flowers when she comes to Kim.

So unless you plan on retelling the entire story of the… everything with Kim instead of Scott, you’ve gotta very flighty and traumatized Ramona Flowers on your hands for the entire fic. Now, this is perfect for angst fics, as using pre-arc flaws to create a tragedy has been a a tool for angst fics since god damn Shakespeare. Also fluff doesn’t really need the “primest character development” in order to be good, so if you’re planning to either make angst or simple fluff then AU is your best bet. If you wanna make something more cannon compliant or lighthearted yet complicated, you’re out of luck.

3. Polycule

Self explanatory. Why not have both? Keep Scott and Ramona’s cute dynamic; and just bring Kim into the mix. While this can be very fun (I’m actually writing a fic where this happens at the moment) it isn’t great for every fic. Cause let’s face it: if you’re here and queer for Kimona, so maybe you do not want to write for the feelings of the dude who got here first so he’s also tagging along. Some people just don’t wanna write Scott, which is perfectly valid. Also, polycules are messy and complicated, both in real life and in fic writing. While complications can create some good drama, it’s also a lot of moving parts to manage. You aren’t getting a Kimona + Pilgrim fic down to 2k words without sacrificing a lot. This one is not built for oneshots or general Pilgrim-haters.

4. Send him off to be with Wallace

Probably one of my favorite options to use. It’s kinda an extension of the “breakup” idea, but it gives a happier ending for Scott, as it lets the breakup make sense. Scott falls in love with Wallace and can’t bear the pining so he communicates with Ramona about it, and they mutually agree that it’s for the better for them to split so he can be with Wells. It also will keep the Scollace shippers at bay, may their apocalyptic wrath be kept at bay /s.

If you don’t really have much stuff outside of Kimona in your fic and don’t know how to get Scott out of the picture, try this one. Just throw in a sentence about Scott being with Wallace and everything will make sense and be chill. Truly an option for us lazy bitches out there who just want yuri. It can also potentially set up some Scollace content later down in the fic if it comes to be of a larger scale, but if you just want your yuri you can throw out a “Scott is with Wallace” line and not need to elaborate further, we get it. All around a flexible, powerful, potent, and fun option. Though if you have any Wallace pairings already set up in your fic and you can’t fit Scollace in, this option obviously won’t be that useful to you.

So…

That’s all of the “bye bye Scott pilgrim” tropes for Kimona fics that I could think of. Now for which one is the best… prepare yourself, the answer is disappointing.

None of them!

No one of these is always gonna work for everything. These tropes are all just tools in your toolbox at the end of the day, and which one you use is up to what you’re writing and how you’re feeling. So don’t be afraid to try multiple of these for your fics, throw shit against the wall like spaghetti. Maybe you’ll find something new that you’ll like.

But that’s enough yapping from me. Now go forth and WRITE!

[douwatahima]

idk i'm feeling kinda riled up today and i want to talk about why the fight for ofmd is so important to me.

so listen. i've been in fandoms for a loooooong time. i remember when the sheer idea of a show (that wasn't something like, say, queer as folk) having any sort of lgbt representation was a major rarity. the idea of a random character suddenly coming out in your favourite sci fi/fantasy/action show? no way in hell. and those of us in fandom kinda came to accept that. we were queering the hell out of everything we came across, don't get me wrong, but it was because the idea of a series suddenly having a character textually be queer was just…not a thing that happened most of the time.

then came the age of queerbaiting. as someone who was in the supernatural fandom from very early on, i remember how those first few seasons of the ~great destiel saga~ felt to watch. they actively hinted at and joked about their relationship! they acknowledged the elephant in the room! surely they wouldn't do that unless it meant something!!! but then of course came the years and years of the cast and crew sneering at the people who had the audacity to…listen to the words that came out of the character's mouths and have thoughts about them. and yeah, eventually (like a decade later) cas told dean he loved him, but even now the people who worked on the show seem reluctant to say that that was a romantic moment. and that's just one example that i'm more intimately familiar with! there are so many others! just straight up gaslighting queer fans so they can keep making money off of us with no intention of actually giving us what we want; all while acting like they were doing us a favour by doing anything at all.

and it sucked! it clearly sucked! but the more time went on the less surprising it became. because at the end of the day it came down to what it always comes down to; money. there's this idea (not just in media) that there are certain people who are the "default". people whose experiences are universal and easy to understand. white people. straight people. cis people. when it comes to media, stories about these people are seen as something anyone can watch and understand. but when you try to tell stories about people who fall outside of these categories? well, now you're making niche content that only people who fall into that niche will be able to identify with.

and look, i know i'm preaching to the choir here. this is tumblr. we all know there's a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia in the world. my point is that the narrative around queerbaiting from an industry standpoint seemed to be "yeah, we want the ad revenue from all of these lgbt people watching our shows, but if we commit to actually making any of our characters queer we're going to isolate our straight audience and lose most of our viewers". and there was never any concrete way to disprove that. so yeah. we would occasionally be blessed by a ~very special show~ that actually depicted queerness (usually about younger people coming out, or about the tragedies that can and have faced people in our community), but the idea of branching out beyond that seemed like a no go.

and then along came our flag means death. a show about pirates that also talked about toxic masculinity and had characters who were casually queer in every different variety and also featured people with different body types who came from different cultures and who were all treated with kindness and grace. a show that didn't necessarily market itself specifically as ~a queer show~ (which, was probably in part due to trying to bury the lead which sucks, but the point still stands) but rather a fun show anyone could watch. that wasn't specifically about coming out or tragedy but was more so about joy, and community, and love. and here's the thing. here's the wild as fuck thing that happened. this show? it didn't lose all of its viewers when those last two episodes of season 1 aired and it confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that ed and stede were in love. the opposite happened. this show fucking soared into the stratosphere.

i remember the first time i saw those parrot analytics charts showing that ofmd was the most in demand new series; out performing marvel even. i was so overcome i legit broke down in tears. because it turns out all of those times i had been told to sit back and accept the scraps i was given because that was all my community was profitable enough to get, those people were wrong. we could've had this the whole time! WE COULD'VE HAD THIS THE WHOLE TIME!!! and as the weeks progressed and ofmd remained at the top of every chart, as the show continued to succeed, i felt such an immense amount of joy! those people were wrong! we can just have this and it'll do well!!!

and yeah, apparently that wasn't enough to convince the powers that be. they spent forever deciding whether to renew it and when they finally did the budget was cut nearly in half and the people at max decided they needed to oversee the show a lot more. all of this sucks. but the thing is they made season 2 and they fucking did it again! the show got even better critics scores than last time! the show was doing numbers better than season 3 of succession! the merch, only released in october, became some of the best selling merch of 2023 on the max shop! by max's own admission season 2 was one of the biggest hits of the year for them!!! like, what more is there? the show is a success!!!

so yeah. i'm not going to accept the fucking stupid excuses max gives as to why they cancelled it. saying that it didn't have the numbers (it did), or that they didn't know how to market violence (they do), or that it didn't have awards buzz (it has literally been nominated for awards and there's still active fyc ads the company itself made) just doesn't cut it. there was no reason to cancel it other than the idea that diverse media "doesn't sell". and max, by airing this show you have shown me that that fucking isn't true. it's never been true. so i'm going to keep fighting for this one until someone picks it up or until i'm old and grey because it isn't just about ofmd. it's about the belief that our stories, the stories of people who aren't "the default" are worth telling. by every metric they are worth telling. and that is something that i know is worth fighting for.

[subzeroparade]

I finished!!! With DLC and everything, now I’m a squid baby hanging out with the Doll for the rest of eternity. Super excited that my self-imposed ban on lore videos and fics are lifted, and now I can read!

Not to diss Elden Ring, gods know I love the Lands Between, but Bloodborne’s story just hits different. With ER it feels like it’s all a giant family squabble, but in Bloodborne it’s the collective human hubris that fucked everything up. The Great Ones in BB seem to be way more sympathetic and often victims of men’s actions, where in ER the Outer Gods appear to be more malevolent. Idk, it’s almost like Marika and the Greater Will is a success story of how to commune with the Great Ones properly and establish a mutually beneficial world order compared to whatever they were trying to do in BB. From a “all soulsborne games are connected” perspective it’s pretty neat.

With that said, I’m dying to know your takes on the lore. I’ve always felt in the beginning (the beginning of the game as well, to a certain extend) everything was your normal level of Victorian horror——vampires, werewolves, hunters, scholars that seek higher knowledge, but all under control and supernatural events were few and far between, known only to certain individuals. It’s only until the event of the Fishing Hamlet and the establishment of the Healing Church, or even after the schism of the Choir and the Mensis, that things went publicly tits up. Are you in favor of the events of the game happened in literally one night, or that Yharnam is stuck in a limbo? How long do you think has passed since the heyday of Byrgenworth and the event of the game (I want to say 30ish years based on Willem’s age and since he’s the only one alive from that time it’s a good time indicator. But then again is he actually alive? Extending his existence through unnatural means sounds like something he’d totally do)? Did our action really change anything? Did killing Rom allow the Mensis Ritual to succeed by weakening the veil and beckoning the Red Moon, or they were going to succeed/already did anyway and we were just breaking the illusions that everything is “normal”? Since the Healing Church is a new power (although how they managed to build so many grand architectures in such short amount of time is beyond me, the magic in this world is not known for its construction powers lol), who ruled Yharnam before them in your headcanon? I read theories that the Vilebloods were the ruling class before the Healing Church and they themselves have Pthumerian ties, which is interesting and adds another layer to the conflict between the Healing Church and Cainhurst. But I don’t know how plausible that theory is.

So sorry for my rambling, I just have so many thoughts in my head and excited to share them with you before I do the same in your comment section 😭 Anyway, since AO3 is back up it’s great time to start diving into BB fics!

Wow this sure is An Ask :’)

First of all, congrats on becoming A Squid! Enjoy godhood. 

The rest of this under the cut for length.

BB and ER are certainly vastly different in their storytelling. I remain a big fan of how the spectrum of ER’s themes run from Greek tragedy to medieval succession struggles. Personally, I find the familial plot points of it to be the most interesting - as well as the vast passage of time and sense of decay and mythology imbued in the world. Admittedly I don’t care as much for shipping in ER - outside of writing Godwyn/Fortissax, obvs - because the legacy and mythos parts of it seem so incredibly rich by comparison (hence why I don’t write BB characters as being related, as many people seem to - I burnt out on family drama themes writing for ER).  

BB, by contrast, is somehow very immediate in its history, in its active crisis, and it feels very grounded in humanity in a way that ER does not. In ER I feel constantly reminded that we are a shitty little lowly Tarnished and cannot pretend to understand the millennia that have past - even since the Shattering - or the scraps we’re now sniffing at in the wake of all that. But humans in BB feel close enough to the gods that they’re compelled to reach for them - scholars, clergymen, institutions, etc - only to realise the gods are crueler and more incomprehensible than even those of ER, while the consequences of their actions are significantly and viscerally more personal. ER has gods as a product of divinity and mythmaking, and BB has them, in a weird sense, as a facet of the Promethean impulse gone horribly wrong. If you really want to know my take on some of these specific questions, I’ve answered similar ones under the ask tag - but am occasionally cagey about some of these, because I use them for plot points in future fics. I’d rather a reader go in not being too familiar with my speculation, and that my conjecture is a means to an end (storytelling) rather than just info-dumping of “here’s what I think happened” - but that’s just my personal inclination. (Which is not to say I don’t appreciate other people’s elaborate lore speculation because I do, and there are some great and heavily-researched headcanons that I don’t always share but love to rotisserie in my head.)

As for what I can answer - 

Are you in favor of the events of the game happened in literally one night, or that Yharnam is stuck in a limbo? 

Semi-answered this in a previous ask here but since cosmic what-the-fuckery is pretty abundant otherwise, I like parts of lorecrafting to be pretty grounded in opposition to that - so I do believe Yharnam folk experience multiple nights of the Hunt, a rhythm of descent into madness influenced by the moon and the slow dissolution of the Church. I think dawn comes for them, but they know the next night will be worse, each new moon another instance of the city unravelling around them.  

How long do you think has passed since the heyday of Byrgenworth and the event of the game? 

Touched on this a bit here. This is based on the pacing I establish in my own writing, but I give the events between the Hamlet and the PC Hunter’s arrival about 50 years, give or take. 

But then again is he [Willem] actually alive? 

I think about catatonic rocking chair Willem like a potted plant on a windowsill. Decorative. 

Did killing Rom allow the Mensis Ritual to succeed by weakening the veil and beckoning the Red Moon, or they were going to succeed/already did anyway and we were just breaking the illusions that everything is “normal”?

Hammering this out for an upcoming fic, because I haven’t entirely made up my mind - also about whether the Moon creates the Dream before Mensis usurps Mergo’s Nightmare, or vice versa - or whether the two happen around the same time, and what their separate or overlapping goals are. I do think Mensis has different goals than the Church, to a certain point. I’ve had some pretty interesting discussions with mutuals about this (and feel free to share thoughts if you have). 

Since the Healing Church is a new power (although how they managed to build so many grand architectures in such short amount of time is beyond me, the magic in this world is not known for its construction powers lol), who ruled Yharnam before them in your headcanon? 

I tackle this with worldbuilding in The Feast We Were Promised, if you’re inclined to read it. Tldr: nothing exists in a vacuum, certainly not in a society with the kind of complexity demonstrable in Bloodborne, so obviously there was both a system of belief and system of government before the Healing Church politicked and/or strong-armed its way into power. 

As for cathedrals (and this is where being a historian by profession is pretty useful in worldbuilding): you could built pretty remarkable structures with pretty efficient timing, especially in the late 19th century. To use a nearby example of my own, Sacré-Coeur basilica at Montmartre took about 60 years from scratch in the latter half of the 19thc (as in there was nothing there before, no minor structure) and that’s considered long - it probably would’ve taken less time without the multiple wars and upheaval over that timespan. Likewise, a structure like Notre-Dame (the Paris one, not the Montreal one) underwent extensive restorations and additions in the 19th century, especially under Viollet-le-Duc (whose students would go on to do the same thing to gothic cathedrals elsewhere in France), but the baseline of the structure was already there - which is what I propose in the case of Yharnam: that much of the city’s civil and religious urban structure was already present (perhaps in the form of Pthumerian ruins in some cases). As in most European cities, buildings sometimes date from the Roman Empire and are gradually embellished, redone, or expanded upon over the course of the following centuries/millennia when funds are plenty and the ruling class is willing. If you think about what Haussmann did to Paris in less than twenty years, I imagine that to be the kind of equivalent of how the Church “cleans” up Yharnam and modernises it. But it’s my own preferred headcanon to imagine Yharnam was a little underwhelming before the Church’s public works; it could’ve also already been a splendid, thriving city.  (I did some work on Viollet-le-Duc's gargoyles like a decade ago, I highly encourage checking out his early drafts of them, they are remarkable images).

I read theories that the Vilebloods were the ruling class before the Healing Church and they themselves have Pthumerian ties, which is interesting and adds another layer to the conflict between the Healing Church and Cainhurst.

I touch on this in Feast a bit as well, but I think it’s really open to interpretation and you can make all kinds of convincing and interesting arguments about Cainhurst’s Pthumerian legacy. Again, on a grounded level beyond cosmic fuckery, I imagine Cainhurst and Yharnam’s larger territories have a centuries-old conflict a la English vs the French type of situation, and every skirmish and hostility arises out of this longstanding hostility and struggle over land and resources. I do think Cainhurst is tied to Pthumeru, though, via actual legacy, in a way Yharnam is not; and so I think Cainhurst would have claim to the labyrinths and the Healing Blood in a way that would threaten the Church’s supremacy in Yharnam and have ultimately kicked off hostilities, etc etc, until you get to the Cainhurst Massacre. 

All that to say enjoy your squidhood and any BB fics you read :)

[howlingday]

You know i can see jaune going the same path as david in the cyberpunk AU

So, here's my thoughts on the Edgerunners finale and the series as a whole. I feel like, in this world of cyberpsychosis, psychos, and corporate greed, I feel like the path David took was... It was the worst part of the series.

Don't get me wrong. This series is PHENOMENAL and will stick with me for years to come. The art, the music, the world and it's characters, I loved them all!

But the way David was doomed to fail from the start like a Greek tragedy irks me to no end. David was a smart kid who struggled to get where he was supposed to be, but life kept handing him shit deal after shit deal until he finally makes it big, only to be smashed down because "evil corporations".

David going full psycho without telling Lucy, following the same path Maine went pisses me off because I honestly thought he was smarter than that. Him hopping into the war machine to save Lucy, I get, and it's a great set-up for the finale where he goes toe-to-toe with Adam Smasher. And him losing hard because that's just how hard Addy Smashmeplease be, I understand.

But the tragedy of it all just pisses me off because the answer is so damn obvious to me, and it's a plot point in stories I fucking hate. Everything failed in COMMUNICATION.

"Hey, Lucy, I'm feeling inadequate and that's what's causing my chrome addiction, driving me down the path of going psycho."

"Shit, Davie, that's bad. I think that's how Maine and a lot guys die out here, so you should probably slow down. Also, I know I was a child of a top-secret government experiment, but it's scaring me with how easy someone could find me and take me."

"Wassup, chooms! It's me, Rebecca, and I wanna kiss Dimples!"

"Weird! Me, too! What do you think David?"

Exaggeration? Maybe, and maybe I'm in the wrong for wanting a happy ending in a grimdark franchise of greed, murder, and addiction, but that's just how I be. I gotta hold onto some kind of hope.

Okay, now that I'm done raving like a psycho:

Jaune going the same path as David. I think he would, and yes, that includes the poor communication aspect. Jaune isn't open about his feelings for almost five volumes running now, and he isn't going to start soon. (OR IS HE?! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!)

Jaune getting chromed out so hard that he starts going psycho so people won't pick on him anymore and take what's his? Yup. Definitely a Jaune move, especially after Volume 3.

But there's always an Adam Smasher, and Jaune getting smashed to bits is just how this story is going to go.

All part of the fuckin' cycle, man.

[theeeveetamer]

Mitri Appreciation (Birthday Edition)!

Strap in everyone, we're talking about Three Hopes!

One of my favorite things about Three Hopes is how it brings Dimitri’s care and consideration for the people of Duscur to the forefront of his character. This was something that got really overlooked in Three Houses, mostly because the entire Duscur storyline got really overlooked in the writing of Three Houses, but I think it was always intended to be part of Dimitri's overall character

Now, there's the obvious stuff he does for the people of Duscur in Hopes, like actively working to return the land to the Duscur people, punishing the people responsible for the tragedy, and improving relations between the people of Faerghus and the people of Duscur. That's not all I'm going to talk about here, though, because there's a lot more and some of it is much more subtle

Throughout Azure Gleam, we can also see Duscur NPCs around the camp, and slowly over the course of the game the Faerghus and Duscur characters grow to trust each other more and more. This is at least in part due to Dimitri's concentrated efforts to try and repair the relationship between Faerghus and Duscur. For a more direct example of Dimitri doing this, Dimitri also has a conversation with Ingrid to try and clear up her misunderstandings and encourage her to get more comfortable around their Duscur allies.

At no point does Dimitri deem the people of Duscur as not trustworthy, not worthy of respect, or not integral to the army. To my memory, there is never any conversation about whether or not they deserve to be there, and he carefully considers how best to integrate Faerghus and Duscur soldiers to minimize complications.

Also, Dimitri never treats Faerghus's relationship with Duscur as though they should be anything but equals. Let's be clear here: Dimitri realistically does have all of the power over them. Were he to renege on his promises to them, there's realistically nothing they could do to stop him. Faerghus is bigger, stronger, and it would actually be much easier for him to tell Duscur to get bent, considering half the civil war problem he's facing happens because he and his father before him tried having good relations with an independent Duscur. He could use that to exert pressure on them at any time (e.g. demand more troops, more supplies, get them to make concessions in negotiations, etc.), but he never even entertains the idea of using it. He never views their relationship as transactional (i.e. "help me win my war and maybe I'll give you independence"). He never views Duscur reparations as something he is magnanimously bestowing upon them. He genuinely believes that a great injustice has been done and it needs to be set right. There is no threat that they won't get their land back if they don't fight for Faerghus in the war, for example. They fight on the side of Faerghus because they genuinely believe in Dimitri and they genuinely believe he will deliver on his promises. It just demonstrates Dimitri's integrity and his respect for the people of Duscur.

Another point to demonstrate his respect; he's also extremely respectful of their language and culture. Dimitri and Dedue's B support and Dedue's C support with Petra both reveal that he is fluent in the language, at least fluent enough to be able to draft letters to their leadership without any assistance from Dedue. Which I have to assume would be "very fluent". Additionally, when he communicates with the members of Duscur's leadership he does so in their native tongue, rather than expecting them to speak his native tongue. He became fluent in an entire second language, rather than arrogantly expect them to learn his language.

Not only that, he dedicated a lot of time to ensuring Dedue could become fluent in the language of Fodlan as well! Petra notes that Dedue is almost indistinguishable from a native speaker, and Dedue credits that to Dimitri. Not only did Dimitri teach him the language, he was always there with Dedue to correct him, help him be understood by those around him, and presumably shut up anyone who would mock him for speaking strangely. And Dimitri did not balk at the idea of learning Dedue's language, or treat Dedue as if it was expected of him to learn the language of Fodlan for them to be able to communicate. Dimitri quite literally did everything in his power to make Dedue feel welcome, including learning Dedue's language to ensure they could communicate properly.

And you know, this isn't exactly assumed behavior in this universe. This is in stark contrast to Petra's treatment at the hands of the imperial nobility and royalty. She was literally left to fend for herself entirely, and mocked mercilessly when she even tried. As far as I'm aware, there is no Fodlan character who fluently speaks her native tongue, nor are there any who are interested in trying to learn.

I think all of this paints a really clear picture of the kind of character Dimitri is supposed to be. He is someone who acknowledges injustice and tries to set it right on the terms of the people who have been wronged. He is someone who will go out of his way to ensure people feel comfortable and safe. Honestly, I'd play an entire spinoff that's just Dimitri trying to navigate restoring Duscur without some pesky continental war threatening to conquer Faerghus the whole time. Who knows, they might even finally let us have snow in that game!

[bekoobove]

Why I personally like the Mimic (Spoilers for TFTPP, especially 5, 6, and 7)

So, with the Tiger Rock leaks, I've seen some people voice their dislike of the Mimic being Burntrap. I want to preface everything I say with the statement that that's totally fine. There are some objective problems with it that i'll address later, though I consider most of them to be with the presentation of the Mimic rather than the Mimic itself. I just thought I'd lay down the key things I and other Mimic fans like about the character, and its role in the story.

Legacy and Stories

Legacy, especially the impact we leave on other people, is a central theme of FNAF. Remnant and agony are vehicles for this idea- how our emotions and actions can twist and grow into something far greater than we ever intended. Stories are also important, which was established as soon as we entered the Steel Wool era- the first game is, in universe, a collection of tragic stories. The Mimic embodies both of these ideas expertly. Edwin- a good man who had a moment of weakness and rage- and William Afton- an evil man who led a cruel, selfish life- both changed the Mimic completely unintentionally. Neither of them desired the endoskeleton to become a killer, and yet it did. Their legacy, especially William's, endures in this monster. William is gone, but his presence is still felt. The Mimic also learned from the stories it was told when it was programmed into FNAF VR- stories of every Fazbear tragedy, stories it is later tasked with rearranging into new narratives as the Storyteller. Which leads to my next point...

2. Corporate Greed.

Fazbear Entertainment's corrupt nature was always prevalent, but it exists at the center of the current FNAF narrative. This is obvious enough in FNAF VR and Security Breach, with exploited tragedies and safety violations around every corner, and taken to its natural limit with TFTPP. We see more of what was seen before- Fazbear Entertainment taking advantage of their bloody history and poorly designed, often dangerous attractions. But we also see how they use the Mimic. Most notably is its place in the Storyteller tree, used to cheat the creative team and drive up profits. Not only is it a great commentary on how unethical and ultimately detrimental AI generation replacing true artists is, it's a reminder that by refusing to die, and cutting every conceivable corner to stay in business, Fazbear Entertainment is responsible for the Mimic's return. Vanessa, Gregory, the TFTPP protagonists, even the Glamrocks- their deaths and suffering are solely because a large company wanted to save money.

3. A Tragic Villain

William was a great example of a villain who suffered tragedy, while also not being a tragic villain. Ultimately, everything he suffered was a result of his own pride, selfishness, and ego. Going into a new era, a truly tragic antagonist would be an interesting change, but how do you accomplish that in a story about a killer? You make it so killing is the only thing they know. As of the epilogues, there is no true malice to the Mimic's actions. It's just playing the way it's seen others play- violently. Its entire existence has been nothing but a parade of awful role models- a father unleashing his grief violently, a killer playing a twisted game of hide and seek, a mega corporation feeding it information and stories about the killer, while encouraging it to extend these narratives. Despite everything it's done, all the blood staining its metal hands, the Mimic is pitiful.

4. Complaints

Let's start off with the obvious complaints- yes, the Mimic was not implemented into the games well. While it's increasingly clear it was intended in retrospect, there easily could have been some more clues. A blueprint for the Mimic hidden in SB's parts in service, more easter eggs during the Burntrap battle, a direct reference to the white tiger character- it wouldn't be hard. It's clear Scott didn't communicate with Steel Wool as much as he should have regarding this development. It's also clear that too much info was in the books. I understand some of this stuff would've been hard to communicate in normal gameplay, but then again, the arcade minigames scattered throughout SB would have been perfect for that. Finally- my only true complain with the story itself- I think the Mimic's corpse being a random girl is kind of dumb. Even it being the main protagonist Lucia might have been better, especially since we've gotten to know her better, making it more impactful. It being Kelly just feels somewhat random, though perhaps that will be improved by the last epilogue.

5. Conclusion

That's pretty much it. Again, feel however you like about the Mimic, this is just my personal opinion. Just don't call it a retcon, because that's been disproven.

[regardstosoulandromance]

review: once upon a broken heart by stephanie garber

As someone who is a little too online in the bookish community,  I've been hearing people sing the praises of Stephanie Garber’s Once Upon a Broken Heart since its publication in 2021. Although the spin off to the Caraval series, general conscientious is that it’s not required to read Caraval before Once Upon a Broken Heart. It was an easy read I tore through one afternoon while sick on the couch, this highly popularized novel was not worth the hype it gets. 

For as long as she can remember, Evangeline Fox has believed in true love and happy endings... until she learns that the love of her life will marry another.

Desperate to stop the wedding and to heal her wounded heart, Evangeline strikes a deal with the charismatic but wicked Prince of Hearts. In exchange for his help, he asks for three kisses, to be given at the time and place of his choosing.

But after Evangeline’s first promised kiss, she learns that bargaining with an immortal is a dangerous game—and that the Prince of Hearts wants far more from her than she’d pledged. He has plans for Evangeline, plans that will either end in the greatest happily ever after or the most exquisite tragedy… (summary via Goodreads)

Once Upon a Broken Heart would be an amazing fantasy novel, if you’ve never read a fantasy novel before. Unfortunately, the world building is messy and nonsensical, prioritizing aesthetics over substance of any kind, character, plot or otherwise. Instead of a narrative that makes sense, Evangeline Fox is a heroine with pink hair and pretty dresses, Jacks is a cocky magic boy who always seems to have an apple at hand and a detailed description of his mouth. 

Evangeline’s motivations are clear, because she tells us constantly, but there’s no emotional depth. She originally visits Jacks because she believes her boyfriend Luc has been bewitched into marrying her step sister Marisol. What’s so great about Luc, you may wonder? I’m not sure, Evangeline likes him, but we don’t meet her beloved Luc until nearly two thirds through the book, and he’s only one the page in a single chapter. 

None of the character relationships are fleshed out, instead relying on fairy tale tropes to fill in the blanks the lack of development leaves. Evangeline’s step mother is cartoonishly villainous, Marisol is predictable the villain, and after Evangeline’s original visit to Jacks she lets the story take her along instead of controlling her own narrative. 

Jacks is a Fate, a trickster demigod also known as the Prince of Hearts. He’s cocky and crafty and as in folklore, making a deal with him often comes with unintended consequences. He likes apples and if he kisses anyone but his One True Love, they’ll die. He’s the annoying bad boy character to a tee complete with a tragic backstory as to why he’s heartbroken and I just didn’t care for him. I don’t care for his kind of over confident character type and I will admit that’s more of personal preference than anything else.  

Then, inexplicably, they introduce vampires two thirds of the way through. Fates are immortal yet can be killed, adding some stakes to Jacks existence, but they can also be turned into vampires? So in this world, vampires rate higher than the god-like characters. The inclusion of vampires was just too random and strange, kind of a pointless addition for the drama and creepy aesthetics of it all. 

A big draw of this trilogy is the slow burn romance between Evangeline and Jacks. In this first book, the pair are barely friends, more like reluctant allies. This is fine, totally in line with a slow burn narrative, but neither character was interesting on their own let alone together. 

The concept of the novel was an interesting one; a fairy tale land, the pink haired heroine, making a deal with a magical prince of hearts are good ingredients of a story. But where Once Upon a Broken Heart falls flat is in the execution. It’s equal parts confusing and unnecessarily convoluted while being boring and mediocre. My biggest complaint about the book is that the writing style is utterly insipid. It’s basic and lifeless, without anything interesting about the narration, sounding far too young for a young adult novel. It truly feels like baby’s first fantasy novel with all flash and no substance.