#he’s got lots of problems and having issues with verbal communication is just one of them but then there’s lots of ways to play that issue

[daydreamerdrew]

The Incredible Hulk (1968) #246

[waxingrunes]

I understand if you’re too busy to answer this or don’t want to, but i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind telling us some of your non-explicit headcanons or just some traits you think wolfstar have in general? Your explicit ones are sososo hot but today I'm feeling low and need some comforting. Yiur blog is just a safe space for me but I totally understand if not! I love your work <3 all my love x

There are so many nondescript hc’s I have that this has the potential to turn into a formal essay with cited sources, so I’ll go for more of a generalised dump of info I have for each in a hope that it lifts some of your fog Anon. Maybe bullet pointed because it’ll be easier to read than my usual untidy form of communication. Hope you feel lighter soon.

Sirius

• will lick a yoghurt pot if there’s no clean spoons. There’s the option to go for fruit instead, but he wants the yoghurt and by god he will get his yoghurt

• is a fucking terrible driver, gives Remus and any passenger white knuckles due to speed issues and not using a lower gear when taking corners

• is however, in complete control when on a motorcycle; very hot, very controlled and will take his passenger’s safety very seriously

• professionally trained in ballroom and ballet, the latter which he is sometimes mocked in jest for, even by Remus, until he one time caught him stretching elegantly on the floor one morning with his upper body laid flat between long, toned, wide spread legs, ‘morning moony’, a healthy blush on his cheeks

• private crier, doesn’t cry easily

• goes quiet when angry as an initial defence but it doesn’t take long for him to start dropping breadcrumbs of sarcastic comments; can also be snobby and bratty, perhaps sometimes will get nasty and direct (bringing up things he shouldn’t to score points in the heat of the moment)

• suffers immeasurable guilt (helped by the point above) but is always masking a weighted feeling of guilt no matter what he’s doing, so much so it’s manifested into quite a serious anxiety problem in the wrong crowds

• he fidgets a lot, not in a chaotic way, just always has to have his fingers busy with something

• likes the smell of gasoline

• once had to talk himself down from throwing a child in a dustbin

• loves the colour red; blood red and cherry red to be precise but secretly loves dark blue even more because it’s what looks most handsome on Remus despite him not wearing it often

• sighs a lot

• pretended he couldn’t speak English to get away with jumping a queue

• hates the smell and taste of liquorice (unless heavily strawberry/cherry/raspberry flavoured)

• on one particular messy night out he got so impatient waiting at the bar, he reached over and grabbed a discarded bottle of alcohol the server had left open and swigged it

• digs his nails into his skin when anxious and is often reminded to relax the tension in his joints

• stargazes often

• once linked his pinky finger with Remus and asked him to pinky promise not to tell anyone what he was about to tell him, since which a tradition of trust was born where Remus will offer his pinky or the last two fingers for Sirius to hold or squeeze when he’s feeling unsure in public, or in any situation where verbal reassurance isn’t appropriate

• gets a weird thrill at the sound of cork popping from a bottle

Remus

• collects beer mats and keeps them in a drawer, thinks about making them into a display

• got tired of kids playing ball against the wall of his place (after repeat offences and him asking very nicely for them to stop) one day so went out, retrieved the ball and threw it so hard against of the cars it set the alarm off

• owner of said car came running out the house and Remus blamed it on the children. Never had the same issue again

• has a wildly sweet tooth and will always drop one or two packets of sugar into any warm beverage

• stares into space and gets involuntarily caught on someone’s face one too many times which makes them uncomfortable from the ‘Death Stare’ phenomenon when in reality, he’s lost in lala land

• can cook, is actually a proficient cook, but will not cook for anyone but Sirius, James or Lily

• will crack his knuckles, wrists and neck absentmindedly, all of which makes his company squirm because it’s often very loud and ‘pop-py’ but Sirius fucking loves it

• stays very calm during an argument but can shout louder than most and when he does, ears ring from the silence that follows

• prefers tea over coffee

• will eat liquorice any time he wants to piss Sirius off

• cries more than Sirius, but still a private crier

• always has to be the old boot in Monopoly

• loves words that are vowel heavy or double voweled because those are the ones where the scraps of Sirius’ lost French accent surface the most

• has a gentle touch, is aware of his size and nature of his lycanthropy, therefore always somewhat reserved

• loves socks, has a collection of ‘dad socks’

• has the messiest writing out of all the Marauders but loves handwritten things, owns three very different fountain pens for very different purposes

• is polite, but as he’s aged doesn’t tend to ‘fake smile’ a lot, feeling no need to fill uncomfortable silences for the sake of others

• has a chair he favours and often dozes off in it. Most of the time waking up to Sirius on top of him

[jackfrostsisterssisterinlaw]

MHA random guys x Y/N

I am so sorry to the person who requested this over a year ago, I suddenly disappeared and forgot requests were a thing when I got back. This one’s a little rushed because I’m having exams these days but I’ve made you wait over a year so I had to get it done.

The random guys include Deku, Bakugou, Monoma, Shinso and Amajiki.

word count : 987

Warning : IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT AMAJIKI 🤬 I’ve got my eye on you.

as usual can’t take any credit for the pictures.

Deku 

Let’s be honest you probably don’t deserve him. No matter how much you do for him he’s going to somehow be doing more for you. It’s not that he treats love as a competition, it’s just that it’s in his nature to put his two hundred percent to everything and that includes his relationship. And if he chose you as the one that’s really something. He loves just staring at you and absorbing every single detail. He notices the smallest change in your appearance and can always tell when you’re feeling down. He hates it when you don’t communicate and share your pain and eventually manages to get it out of you by playing the victim. Try to give back at least 50% of what he’s doing for you because that would be a normal person’s 100%. He’s very possessive although he doesn’t tell you directly. He’s going to be super grumpy if you hang out with other people more than you spend time with him. Also here’s a secret. He loves it when you ruffle his hair and give him forehead kisses so keep doing what you’re doing :)

Bakugou

I don’t know how you did it. HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH THE GUY? He appreciates you for it more than you know. He knows about his anger issues and how his inconsistency can make him a difficult person to love, but when he saw you loving him unconditionally and always being there, he realized what a difference that made in his life. It hurts his pride to tell you his problems and he finds it far easier to just burn the furniture but he really tries. He hasn’t been burning much furniture lately right? He’s opening up to you more and more every day and wants to become the same cushion for you. He wants you to be able to trust him as much as he trusts you. If another person looks at you for a second too long or makes you laugh, he is going to be jealous as hell. Trust me the moment he drops you home after a date or is out of your sight, he is going to track them down and give them the scariest warning in their life. It’ll be so scary they’ll refuse to see anyone in a romantic way anymore incase there are more bastards like Bakugou. He loves it when you try to be rough with him and that one time you pinned him against the wall..yeah I think he wants you to do it again.

Monoma

If you’re with Monoma that speaks a lot about you too. Because from a surface level I don’t think anyone can stand Monoma. He looks like he’s arrogant and obnoxious and gloats thinking he’s above everyone. His slicked hair and the way he sneers like he knows he’s good looking. There’s a lot of things to dislike. But you chose to stay and dug deeper. You were able to see the insecurities he tries to mask with his persona and the internal bruises he covers beneath his tuxedo. He adores you for knowing him so well and relies on you a lot. It’s sometimes hard for him because he hates depending on someone but you always comfort him and tell him that you’ve found your calling. He kisses you then, multiple times all around your face finally ending at your lips. Verbal affirmations aren’t really his thing because somehow stuff he says still comes out as self absorbed and arrogant. But with you by his side he’s improving every day. He gets really irritated when people hang around you but he tries to convince himself that you’ll be loyal and he doesn’t have to worry. He’s not stupid he hears what everyone says about how you could do better. But you chose him in the end and that’s what’s important.

Shinso

You like the silent mysterious type don’t you? Absolutely nothing wrong with that because he is a total green flag. To be honest I don’t think he knows exactly how to be romantic and sometimes his gestures of love can be a little weird. Like sometimes when he sees you in a crowd even if you smile and wave he’s just gonna stand there looking at you with no expression. He forgets he has a mouth and eyes that can be used to express one’s emotions. He also has no understanding of social cues so please bear with him. Also I’m sorry that your pickup lines hit a blank wall. Except that one time you made a star-wars pickup line and said yoda only one for me. You fell even harder for him when you realized he was a geek too and he fell harder because he finally understood all the nonsense you were yapping about and meant them romantically. Bear with him, I know he sucks at showing it but he really likes you. Have you seen the way he grits his teeth and glares if someone so much as looks at you. You like him being possessive don’t you? He loves it when you have deep conversations with him and he’ll listen to you talking endlessly.

Amajiki

LOOK AT MY POOKIE MWAH

I’m sorry but Amajiki is mine. Go find your own cinnamon roll. I’m gate keeping all his character traits and love languages. I’ll just word drop so that you get jealous.

He’s super depressed and moody if I leave him and talk to someone else.

The moment he sees me in a crowded room, he walks up to me and attaches himself to me and eventually convinces me to leave so that we can hang out together.

He’s biggest fear is actually losing me, he doesn’t mean that as a joke.

He loves it when I cuddle him and tell him how much I love him.

Which I do on a regular basis so back off. :3

[noirvette]

main 3! + reader who gets non verbal when stressed!!

i did a bit of research for this request, but i apologize if my portrayal isn't that good. also sorry for these being so short 😭 i got sick earlier out of NO where and my ability to think went downhill.

cws: none !

♡ STAN MARSH

Out of the three, I think he's the least equipped to handle it at first

Not saying he won't try, he'll put some research into it, but when it happens the first time he has NO clue on what to do

He honestly has so many thoughts running through his head, at first he thought you were ignoring him/mad at him until he realized your other behavioral traits

If you mention that you get nonverbal when you're stressed/sad/overwhelmed prior to it happening the first time, he'll be better equipped to help you, he might still panic though

Your comfort is always his number one priority, he wants you to feel safe and comfortable for as long as you're nonverbal

He may struggle at first with finding out a rhythm that works for the best of you both to communicate tbh.

He picks up on patterns relatively quickly though, so he learns your behavioral traits very easily when you become nonverbal

He mainly sticks to yes or no questions, but also will pull out his phone and use google images a lot

Despite him being the least likely to handle it well at the beginning, I feel he's the best at handling it long term.

For example, if you tend to stay nonverbal for longer, Stan is pretty patient and can manage and get into a groove with you

He isn't the best at de-stressing people though, he may try to help you destress by helping you with what's stressing you out in the first place, but Stan isn't a huge problem solver and instead focuses more on the present and ways to help you now.

He comforts physically rather than logically or emotionally, but understands if touch is an issue for you. He'll just let you know that he's there for you and then sits besides you

♡ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

Complete opposite of Stan LOL

I feel like he's picked up on sign language somewhere along the way growing up, and now I'm running with that idea for this

If signing is a way for you to communicate when nonverbal, he definitely uses what he already knows and then will brush up and learn more words and phrases to better communicate with you

Otherwise pictures and like a communication board is his next go to's

Out of the three, he's the best in terms of handling it right away

Kyle's pretty logical and so helping you solve the issue of why're you're stressed (if able too), he will help.

Despite that, I listed Stan's faults so I gotta do it to Kyle too, Kyle struggles with long term. If being nonverbal long term is a common occurrence, he's gonna have some trouble.

He makes sure to never take it out on you, but Kyle's pretty impatient and wants things to be solved relatively quickly when there's a problem to arise, he knows you can't help it so he's always patient around you, but his impatience is targeted at the root of the problem.

Despite that, like Stan your comfort and needs are put above all else. While he's taking time to help you destress, he's also trying to find ways to help you.

Whenever he gets stressed he likes quiet, just so he can collect his thoughts, so he does it for you too. Makes sure there's a calm and quiet environment for you, he doesn't want to accidentally cause you any more stress.

♡ KENNY MCCORMICK

Solid middle man

He's good at cheering you up with silly distractions if that's something you'd be okay with

Sticks to writing and yes or no questions

Kenny is sort've oblivious at times to behavioral traits, but when he does notice what's going on, he becomes focused solely on you and making sure you're comfortable.

If you're okay with touch when nonverbal, Kenny will gently hold onto you. He's a very touchy person, however touch is not for everyone and he won't do anything you're not okay with.

He'd probably play music to help calm you down.

He might actually take the longest to figure out a solid way to communicate, but only because he second guesses if he's doing this properly.

Is willing to just sit and be in the same room as each other, Kenny himself can go a while without talking, normally uses his time reading or playing some random free game. He'd let you join him and you two just sit in silence in each others presence.

When it comes to helping you with the cause of your stress, Kenny is similar to Stan in that he focuses more so on the present.

However, he does want to know what's the matter and see if it's something he can manage to help you with.

He comforts you emotionally rather than logically. Also is a pretty big physical comforter but again as I mentioned prior, won't touch you if that doesn't work with you

He tends to do a lot of reassuring words with Karen and this'll carry over to you.

[beelmons]

BAU guys + Love Languages (Pt1)

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there're 5 main ways in which we show and receive love. These are some head canons on the love languages I think apply to each BAU guys. Are you compatible? My ask is always open if you want to share your thoughts and hcs with me! If you want to find out your love language you can take a free test here!

Spencer Reid

Giving: Spencer definitely shows love through acts of services. He's the type of partner/friend that will help you with a chore or offer to do it for you. He's a "fixer" even if sometimes he doesn't understand what that means. As a friend, he'll constantly notice if you're struggling with a task and offer a solution. As a romantic partner, he'll always be ontop of your needs, physical and emotional, to make sure that they are being solved.

When communication is not good, he might come across as insensitive, sometimes you just want to vent and be heard. He might seem like he wants to one-up you or show you that he could solve the problem faster, but that's not his intention. He wants you to be well again, as quickly as he can make it happen.

Receiving: Words of affirmation is how he understands you love him. Thanks to his autistic tendencies/neurodivergent coding he has trouble understanding social cues and underlying messages. You have to be forward with him about everything you do, no matter how fast he can pick up on your mood, if you don't tell him what's wrong, he won't be able to tell.

If you're not able to communicate properly, he might feel unwanted and pushed away. Simple expressions such as "you did good" "thank you so much for helping me" "I appreciate your input on my work/issues" can be very fulfilling for him. He needs to be reminded of what he does well so he can continue doing it, even if he himself doesn't verbalize his feelings a lot. Physical touch and quality time are his least present languages.

Aaron Hotchner

Giving: Hotch mentions time and again how he tries his best to provide both the team and his family his undivided attention. Doesn't this sound just like quality time? His job might take him away for weeks at a time, sure, but it's his whole and complete intention to give you every second he has destined for you without any interruptions.

Because of the line of duty, this can be complicated, sometimes making you feel as if you come last. Even when his love language is in conflict with his line of work, once he's not working, it's all about you and his loved ones. Listening to hours of your rambling, not even looking at his phone (if it's not an emergency), watching an entire movie without falling asleep. When you're with him, he's there, he's present in every way.

His guilt and regret from being away can sometimes add a bit of gift giving to the love language, but even if he shows up with a bouqué of flowers, remember that's only a token, he's there for you and nothing but you.

Receiving: In the same way he makes all the effort to be there, he expects you to be there with him. If you start looking at your phone or pioritizing time with others over time with him, he will feel unhappy and unloved, it’s all about the quality time. Receiving gifts and physical touch don't go a very long way with him, so if you are making him feel unloved you will have to find another way to remind him. This doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy cuddles and gifts every now and then.

Words of affirmation can also be a good way to communicate your love for him, but it's only a support language for quality time. Having dinner without looking at the time, doing a puzzle together, cooperating to help Jack with his homework, those are the moments his heart feels the fullest.

Derek Morgan

Giving: This man will shower you with so many words of affirmation and compliments you might feel like suffocating at times. He will praise you and let you know how adored, cared for, and desired you are. Mix it up with a bit of gift giving, and you've got that attentive boyfriend. Communication is key, because you might run into some trouble if you can't agree exactly on what a praise is. He can run his mouth, and sometimes he says stuff that, even if it's not ill intentioned, might come out as harsh and judgemental.

If you struggle with your self-perception, at times it might feel like he's lying to you or trying to deceive you for an specific purpose. Remind yourself that Derek Morgan is one of the most honest men to ever exist, and he would never say a word he didn't mean (as long as he isn't angry!).

Receiving: This PDA king needs his share of lovin', physical touch is how you can remind him he's the man of your dreams. Holding his hand, touching his shoulder, kissing him in public. He loves being displayed as your man, he loves feeling the electricity generated by your skin when it touches his. If you struggle with physical touch, he might come to think you don't desire him. You'd have to be open about your feelings towards the gestures, and come up with some rules, maybe you don't initiate the contact but try your best to not reject them.

During intimate times, it's very relevant that you initiate contact every once in a while, otherwise he might feel the relationship is one-sided. If you're unable to provide the touch he needs, at least make sure you give him quality time, when you're with him, it should only be about the two of you. This is only a supplement, but it will remind him of your care for him. The least understanble love languages for this man are acts of service and receiving gifts. He can do and buy things for himself, thank you very much.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

If i have time once i dfinish w my tests, ill try turning this into a fic--

An actual, legal custody battle between the Sullys and Quaritch, who would win?

The Sullys have a history with Child neglect. A good lawyer could make a case for verbal and emotional abuse from Neytiri, as well as physical, if the cut from the ship comes into play (also p sure she tries to attack him multiple times in the comics). You could argue that they can't provide a safe environment for him, and they could use his lack of schooling against them.

Quaritch definitely engaged in some physical abuse, with the whole 'pointing a gun at him, kidnapping him, bringing him to be tortured' thing. However, a very good lawyer could argue that it was his right, as Spiders bio dad, to bring him home, as the Sullys nor anyone else went through the legal human (or na'vi) trouble of adopting him.

And on top of that, if they reviewed the actual torture video of Spider (p sure they got security cams) it would look like Quaritch never actively partook in the torture, and was even the one who stopped it when it became clear that Spider was at risk of serious injury (nose bleeding in a mind tearing machine means bad news, methinks) (I'd think he'd start having some kind of stroke?) Then theres the whole "provide better schooling, housing etc etc".

The Sullies lawyer could argue that Quaritch is the reason he was tortured, and that he held him hostage for months. Could argue that he was putting him in danger by bringing him on that ship (Jake "brings his kids to the battlefield" Jake has no rral leg to stand on) (i mean, cmon, Lo'ak is 14!!! Make him help the wounded or smth)

I think a proper custody battle fic would be cool, so I'm really mad that I have to write it

>:(((

This is the third legal battle on Pandora ask I've gotten. Don't take my response personally and please do what you wish, these are just my opinions and thoughts, as I've really been stewing on it. You know I'm all about the implications of things, again this is not at all at you or the other anon you just got me thinking.

I gotta be honest, this premise does not do it for me at all. I don't vibe with the legal system applying to the Na'vi, first of all. They are not US citizens, they are not even on Earth. Applying a legal system to them that they have no knowledge of and have no reason to follow is another aspect of colonization and genocide that is a huge issue still today. Applying our standards and morals to other communities is wrong. The legal system in the US and Canada has a huge problem of taking indigenous children from the indigenous community and placing them with white families today. Eradicating future cultural generations is a genocidal tactic. This is not the same as the situation with Spider, but a legal battle with the Na'vi over a child has those echos to me. There are only the laws of Eywa on Pandora, why should they be judged on arbitrary rules that apply on Earth? I don't understand it; it has such a colonialist mindset. There is no way to even enforce a ruling, the Na'vi don't have courts and therefore the jury would be human and heavily biased, and there isn't a judge and they would also be biased if there was. Even Spider does not know or follow the laws of Earth, he is not a US citizen. The Na'vi have not been following proper hunting ordinances, if US law applies the game wardens are gonna have to do a lot of ticketing and fining of the Na'vi's no money to fix that. At the very least it's wrong, at the most it's a slippery slope into US law applying to the Na'vi on Pandora which is a MAJOR colonizing step. We cannot even say that Lo'ak and Neteyam should not be on a battlefield, in Na'vi culture Neteyam is fully an adult member of the clan and we are told Na'vi mature faster than humans. Judging that as putting kids in danger is looking at things from a distinctly western and human perspective, when the Na'vi would likely see Jake as overprotective.

Second of all, I do find the concept of treating Quaritch as an actual viable parent as ludicrous. He is, again, a war criminal who has committed genocide. A great many of his war crimes were committed against Spider?? Arguing that anything Quaritch did was his legal right to bring Spider home is crazy, and also saying Spider wasn't adopted by the Sully's makes neglect not even something they can talk about in court as they weren't his guardians ever. Also saying Quaritch saved Spider from torture is laughable. He put Spider there, everything that happens to Spider in the RDA is entirely Quaritch's fault and responsibility. Taking a civilian war prisoner is a war crime. A child? Double war crimes. If this was a court, which again, I really don't like the idea of the American legal system applying to the Na'vi, Quaritch has a lot more problems them custody arguments. Man is in jail for the rest of his life, he's not getting custody.

[doublel27]

When we talk about character development for Carlos, all I want more than anything is for him to unequivocally fuck up. Where something is his fault and he needs to take responsibility for it and fix it. Where the show acknowledges that he did something wrong. Where TK gets to be mad at him without apologizing or calling himself crazy or a bitch for being mad. Where Carlos doesn't get to make snide comments like "I thought maybe we broke up" or "I thought you ate with Coop" when TK tries to fix things. Where Carlos has to be like "shit, I messed up, and I need to be the one to take the first step with TK". I know you probably don't agree with me on this, but every time they've fought or had issues, to the best of my recollection TK is the one to step up to start the conversation and fix the issue. I don't mind Carlos having major flaws or doing messed up things like hiding a whole ass wife (in fact I love hot mess characters), I mind that it's always treated as a) not a real flaw or fuck up, or b) equally or mostly TK's fault. I want to see Carlos show real regret, and not for things that are just his anxiety talking - like not having a fire extinguisher in the bedroom or not being able to forsee a plane malfunction - but real, actual things he did that were wrong. And I just don't think we've seen that, even if I suspect you disagree.

Here's the funny thing, sweet nonny, I don't disagree with you as much as you think I do.

I've been shouting from the rooftops alongside others that TK IS the better communicator of the two. TK always brings stuff up to try and fix it. He's the one with strong boundaries and clear communication because he has learned and practiced doing so. TK is always the one giving speeches. TK is always the one modeling solid communication and relationship skills. He is the one who knows how to pull information out of Carlos that Carlos would rather not voice.

Carlos...is not a talker. Oh, he'll sit and help TK talk through one of TK's problems. He's gotten better about sharing his feelings and concerns as the seasons have gone on, but Carlos is a doer not a talker.

We've seen it pretty consistently. When Carlos fucks up or is mad, he tends to shut everything down or he gets snippy. My man is very attractive and he's very acts of service driven and very clearly cares very deeply, but when he has feelings he doesn't want he shuts it all down.

He's also conflict averse and is prone to telling white lies to avoid conflict. He's been like that since day one. FRIENDS the man sent a "You up?" text that TK thought was a booty call and had a candleight dinner with a fish from the farmers market that he "knows it looks like a lot but it really wasn't that big of a deal" CARLOS YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT.

This man said with a STRAIGHT FACE "I'm not trying to be your boyfriend, or even your friend if you don't want that." after the infamous red snapper dinner. SIR! You wanted to marry that man from the first moment you met him. Carlos, you damn liar. TK touched you in the middle of a rescue and you then went and mooned over him in a honky tonk until you asked him to dance and y'all got very busy in the bathroom...I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT YOU ARE OCCASIONALLY A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.

I don't know if we're ever going to get a big verbal mea culpa out of Carlos though, Nonny. If that's what you're looking for, it make take awhile.

Carlos's mea culpas (when not things he didn't actually do like fire extinguishers or planes) tend to be actionable items that he does to show he's heard TK or he's sorry or that he's working to be better. It comes in the form of asking TK out or giving TK space in 1x10 when TK says he has no idea what he wants. I know we all wanted Carlos to do a little more fighting there, BUT the last time TK tried to throw out boundaries in 1x02 we had Carlos calling TK crazy. Backing off WAS growth and an offering, that they clearly figured out sometime in the midst of that call.

We see it in season 2, when in 2x08 Carlos absolutely doesn't even attempt to back away from TK after rescuing him, even after his dad shows up, and Carlos heads over there with his chin raised ready to hear something about his relationship with TK as well as his poor choices.

Again in season two, after the fight at the fire station, while TK tries to apologize for what seems like the second time, Carlos insists they've already discussed it enough and he's busy making TK dinner (which is a massive way that Carlos shows he cares - feeding TK. He does it all the time)

Again, in 3.04, we have Carlos move TK in without saying anything as a sign that TK is fully welcome home regardless of whatever transpired before. In 3.13 Carlos learns from his spiral of not being able to be the one to acts of service TK into being better (because love doesn't cure mental illness) and manages to correct his mistakes and get out of the way of TK accessing life saving treatment from Cooper and stops conflaiting it with the acts of service Carlos performs (like putting pizza in the oven).

He's going to DO things not SAY things. And I think Carlos gets a lot of that from his family. Specifically, Gabriel. AND I think he does several of the things that rub him the wrong way with his father in his relationship with TK. Like, his father's attitude with Carlos and the bomber in Bad Call was not that dissimilar to Carlos with TK in 4.03 (although Gabriel was calmer, if not more disappointed) and even Gabriel's ability to shut that shit down got to TK in 4.04.

Apples don't fall far from the tree.

Anyway, in summation dear nonny, I don't disagree that TK has done a lot of verbal processing, apologizing and communication in this relationship. I just don't expect that Carlos is going to respond the way TK responds, because they're two entirely different people with two entirely different backgrounds that fit together like puzzle piecess.

[foggyfanfic]

Neurodivergent Madrigals

So in the tags of my first headcanon list @omgcheez mentioned neurodivergent headcanons for the canon characters, and it got me thinking. I don't know if I would call all of these headcanons, most of them are my interpretations of canon, or theories I have, but that's close enough.

Bruno- Dude has OCD, they put it in the script, the creators said he’s based off of ND family members, it’s canon. Dude may have autism too, I am largely apathetic to that reading of his character. I neither like nor dislike it. I think it works for him but his character also works without autism. I do headcanon that he comes out of the walls with back problems that not even Julieta can fix, that will make him bed ridden in the last year of his life.

Alma- The whole movie is kind of contingent on her PTSD. Like, she watched her husband get murdered right in front of her and it changed her. It would be really weird to be like “Yeah, sure, her trauma changed her forever, but it didn’t alter her brain chemistry or anything!” So yeah, Alma has PTSD.

Pepa- I don’t know a lot about anxiety disorders, so this theory is one grain of salt away from being canon to me. Is it still an anxiety disorder if the thing making you anxious is the ever looming threat you might summon a hurricane? Or is that just perfectly normal, non-disordered anxiety? Either way, the woman is constantly anxious, so depending on the definition of Anxiety Disorder, she probably has one.

Antonio- This is in that nebulous space between “an idea the writers had” and “something that wasn’t in the movie”. It’s not technically canon, but it’s a little more than a fan theory. He was originally supposed to be non-verbal, so unless the plan was for him to be straight up mute, I think it’s pretty safe to read him as autistic. Although mute Antonio would have been interesting too.

Luisa- This is on the line between fan theory and headcanon. Her people pleasing tendencies scream anxiety disorder to me, especially considering the way she melts down when she feels like she’s disappointing everyone.

Dolores- I don’t think the writers intended for her to be autistic, but a lot of people in that community vibe with her, so that’s a headcanon I will go to bat for. I think that even if she isn’t literally autistic, her gift effects her in ways that she kind of might as well be. Y'know? It's like with Alma, it's sort of weird to be like "Yeah, ok, so because of her super hearing she experiences a lot of the same issues as an autistic person who struggles with sensory sensitivity, but she doesn't have an autistic brain! Just an extremely similar life experience!".

Mirabel- She’s probably got some unaddressed depression, I feel like that’s kind of a given. Although, the movie sets her up more as a metaphor for being physically disabled.

Isabela- I think you could very easily read Isabela as being some variation of ND that hyper fixates (on plants), and she just has masking skills off the charts. So either autism or ADHD, or both.

Julieta- IDK what problems Juli has, but realistically she’s been dealing with gruesome injuries from a young age. So she’s probably got some sort of trauma response. We don't see enough of her character outside the role of Caring Mother for me to make a call on this.

Camilo- He’s a theatre kid.

[its-a-journal-of-ideals]

(to both) Do you two ever clash much? They say opposite attract, but does having opposing personalities ever get frustrating?

Arkady: Clash? Oh, used to, all the time. Back when we first met and kept meeting, at least. And you have it ass-backwards anyway, we have perfectly complimentary personalities! It's our upbringings that oppose each other.

Victor: Arkady---

Arkady: What, folks can't know you're a grade-A shit-stirrer?

Victor: Arkady. The mouth on you, I swear... Well, he has a point. We get along wonderfully now, of course, since our, er, communication issues were resolved. When one is born into a position surrounded by verbal traps and backstabbing and the other is born into a position of subsistence... Well, some of us just---

Arkady: Some of us say what we mean the first time and some of us communicate like making a maze out of words is a first language. Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great skill, and Victor can get a man to agree to, I don't know, streak through the marketplace in his hatchday suit before he's half realized what he's got himself into, but it made a lot of problems when we met. He'd say something that sounded biting and had kindness hidden under, and I wouldn't hear the kindness, so I bit back.

Victor: I had to treat him with the right amount of condescension so that people wouldn't gossip about us in a way I didn't want. Princes and... um---

Arkady: Hicks from bug-fuck nowhere?

Victor: ---Those of lower standing aren't usually friends such as we are. Of course, Arkady is, technically, a minor lord, granted as a reward for his actions in the war. Rather understandably, though, he protests every time someone tries to address him as such. People forget sometimes that the lordship exists.

Arkady: Victor, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't just call us friends in front of the nice blogger. This morning, I did not---

Victor: Arkady! Alright, alright, lovers---did you just---!

Arkady: Old trick from bug-fuck nowhere. Somebody covers your mouth, you lick 'em. Or bite 'em. Feel lucky. Anyway, yeah, it was ninety percent communication problems at first. The other ten was just me being a problem.

Victor: You simply did not know how to be helped.

Arkady: Yeah. You're fuckin' persistent, though, I'll give you that. Saw an injustice and fixed it whether anyone properly involved wanted you to or not.

Victor: Ha! So you agree, it was an injustice!

Arkady: I never disagreed. I just thought I deserved it. Shit was rough. Don't look at me like that, you knew it was rough.

[rebelpuff]

the gangreen gang

Buttercup doesn't make friends easily. She's not the easiest person to get to know, or the easiest person to like, and she knows that. Buttercup prefers it this way. Most of this stems from her severe trust issues, but she also rarely has the time to make friends. It's a problem that comes from being a hero for Townsville, a problem that started when she and her sisters were young, and only got worse as the years went on.

Her first ever friends were the Gangreen Gang. Before Robin, before Mitch, she made friends with the Gangreen Gang. She should have known better. They were all a lot older than her, the youngest — Arturo de la Guerra, or Li'l Arturo — being ten when they first met, the oldest — Ace D. Copular — being sixteen. There were red flags all around, but she was five, and she didn't know better.

Although at first she started hanging out with them because of her crush on Ace, she soon found that she actually liked them. They liked hanging out with her too; they adopted her as a little sister. Snake was the slowest to warm up, but he was never outright cruel to her. She would sneak out of the house to hang out with them. She learned how to pick locks from them; her earliest stealth moves were learned from them. She would sing with them, dance with them, joke around with them.

This friendship ended, abruptly and unkindly, when they tried to kill her sisters (duh). She knows Ace was behind it, because she knows all of the Gangreen Gang well enough to know they didn't plot that. She holds it against Ace the most, but none of the Gangreen Gang got away free, regardless.

Big Billy was the first to try and rebuild their relationship, practically the next day. He's a gentle giant and a simple man. He's always liked the Powerpuff Girls, and he never quite understood what was going on around them. So he just...acted like nothing happened, because to him, nothing did happen. Buttercup knows him well enough to know that not a single part of him could lie, and she forgave him. (But she still never trusted him the same way again.)

Snake was the hardest to warm up to her when she first started hanging out with the Gangreen Gang, but he was also the most loyal. He probably spent a lot of time trying to talk Ace out of anything that might hurt Buttercup, in his snivelly still-trying-to-fit-in way. Nothing obvious, but still. He apologized when he passed Buttercup patrolling one day, and invited her out to karaoke. Buttercup goes. (But she still never trusted him the same way again.)

Grubber was next. He tagged along once when Big Billy visited the girls, and stuck by Buttercup, because that's who he knew best. He's near mute, can only communicate verbally with grunts. He was sheepish anyway, and Buttercup took that as apology enough. (But she still never trusted him the same way again.)

Li'l Arturo became a teen dad at sixteen, six years after the fiasco, when Buttercup was eleven. Becoming a father really shook him up, and he tried to go on the straight and narrow during his girlfriend's pregnancy. Apologizing to the Powerpuff Girls was part of it, but especially to Buttercup, who he'd genuinely considered a friend. He invites her — just her — to his wedding, and Buttercup goes. (But she still never trusted him the same way again.)

They don't tell Ace, and they don't invite Ace, because they know her well enough to know she won't forgive him.

They're not close friends anymore. Not by a long shot. It's been twenty years, and life gets busy. Buttercup never opened up to them the same way she did the first time, eager to have friends. They still keep up with one another's lives. Billy being the exception. He shows up whenever he wants to, with the world's best hugs.

[octavianstar]

Yuu: Lore, Facts and AU Idea!

As you can see upon the title, our winner is....OSWALDYUU!

Congrats to everyone who voted!, so I would bring upon myself to show you the Lore and Facts about (My Version of at least, because I recently had found another Oswald Yuu somewhere around Tumblr) of Oswald Yuu! (And to let you know the reason why I had voted "Just Yuu/MC" is because I would figure most of you guys would rather want the original than the other two)

So upon Oswald Yuu, I really would want to be as closely faithful to the Character, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, and I had a few draft ideas upon how things would particularly go.

But then I had a rather certain idea thanks to watching 'Helluva Boss' and 'Once Upon a Time', it had given me of some rather interesting insights upon how the character would act out (at least).

So to kick some things off, I would think Oswald Yuu, or "Ollie" as a reference, would have both abandonment and trust issues due to them having rather traumatic life growing up.

So in the far beginning, Ollie don't have a mom but had a adoring father who had high dreams for him and Ollie.

Since her dad was once a artist and animator (who highly deserved credited on because animation is a beautiful spectrum of art and not a genre for kids, I'm looking at you Disney-) that is working with a few close friends of his into making a studio with Ollie helping out and being a "star" of the animation.

I would had expected that Ollie wanted to be a performing actor that would give inspiration for their father's work. And the small business seemed to be working well..until Ollie's dad became very ill one day, and had to be taken into an emergency room to stay for a long while.

And while their dad wideain the hospital, leaving the very young Ollie into staying with one of their dad's friends. Of course it seemed to be fine but payment and bills were overdue and in needed, and more unfortunately that the person that was looking after Ollie...is also the boss of her dad's career and their 'caretaker' when in particular reality that he was the rather reason for the father being very ill lately and for how he got Ollie in the first place.

For a while back, Ollie's dad wanted to renew upon the contract for more better qualities and better future for both his kid and his staff so it would help more out with the community. But then both men lead up into a argument with the boss, Charlie as Ollie calls him, refused to elaborate with him upon advantages. Refusing to give him more, and even taking both his staff and kid since Charlie had the rights to take them.

But Ollie's Dad, Winston, refused and argued back, reluctantly saying that "You may take my career, my money and even my staff, but you will not have my child or we going to have a LOT of problems on your industry..and I will make sure of that."

But when Winston was shown signs of him getting drastically sick, Charlie to the advantage and basically had kidnapped (probably forced custody over) Ollie while the one who was supposed to be Ollie's actual caretaker was trying to get them back, especially after when Charlie had fired Winston the next day.

Behind the scenes, Winston was absolutely devastated and felt utterly hopeless. For both Winston and his close friend were trying desperately to get Ollie back, but as you can see it wasn't successful.

Not Only Ollie was rather forced to work reluctantly harder than usually and refused every time to go seeing their father, but was also rather mistreated along the way. Rather it's more physical or even more verbally and mentally abused with how they were treated as a sort of prisoner in a cold iron cage.

But during around the age of nine, they ran away in the dead of night in hopes to reunite with their father and finally home again. But after almost three months of looking, they were found by a few people and took them into foster care after they had told them they were trying to find their way back home but had no clue of where they are. So eventually while they stayed in foster care for a while, they didn't easily trust any of the adults ever since Charlie had interviened in their life.

While Ollie was hoping for any chances or signs of where their father could be, there were chances that they were taken into some foster families and even went back to foster care due to some circumstances.

Of course upon those years, since they don't trust the staff easily, it had lead them to doing a bit of bad things, some for the right reasons and some were not. But of course it does lead them mainly into trouble, Ollie just hopes and wonders if Winston was looking for them after all..or did he even care to come back for them.

Which leading some scarring words that Charlie had constantly telling them about how Winston left them, sold them to him and didn't want to do anything with them anymore. They fear those words are true, but denies each time the thought like that passes by.

For Ollie knows that he would never do or say anything like that at all, he's their idol, their father who loved them so much and would do anything for them to have a 'happily ever after'. While hope is slowly dying on the inside, that very determination never given up.

Of course while being in foster care it still does break them a few times, Ollie has to keep looking up but even then, they are human and had hard times of believing that perhaps they..they were truly alone after all, that perhaps no one, nor their dad would come back at all.

Eventually during their teen years, they left foster care and is a bit more prepared to find their dad on their own when seemingly no one could. But seemingly after a few weeks time, Ollie finally found their home, found where their father was and could not be the merrier. They basically ran to the very place, which it was rather extravagant since Winston was rather famous now.

But Ollie didn't care, they didn't care the risky consequences later, they were rather thrilled to be running into their father's arms again. But as they were at the very door to his home....they hesitated.

For years that they waited and wondered to find their way back home, to see their father's face again but something was stopping them...was it doubt? Fear? Anticipation?...

No one can say for sure, but Ollie's mind began to fill with thousands of questions, thousands of 'what ifs' and 'whys' festered through..but then they heard laughter in the house. Familiar with both her father and his friend,..but a new voice was heard that something clicked in their head.

Haulting their endless thinking as a peak of curiosity got the best of them. Soon, Ollie went to take a look to see that suddenly surprised them. For a starters, Winston look rather older with a few more gray hairs than the last time they seen him. Seemingly to be more healthier, which Ollie was rather glad that he was still alive.

But then their attention began to eyed at the young boy right next to him, also seemingly similar to Winston of course but was a year younger than Ollie as it seemed.

'Who is he?' Ollie could think repeatedly, but then take notes upon the gestures Winston has on the boy. First was his hand placed upon his shoulder, not in all creepy way but more of a friendly lovely placement like a parent upon their child. The next was the very warm, and happily smile he placed upon him..Ollie could have sworn they never seen him smile as wide as that. But they had a familiar feeling of what that very look meant, the adoration and pride of how their children grow, of how passionate they were upon following their dreams. The very bond between father and son was seen without any hesitation or sadness upon any signs.

Something in Ollie made them irked in a wrong way, something felt upsetting upon this very moment. But cannot understand why? What was the reason of this feeling of jealousy? It shouldn't have to feel this way, but why does it?

But then...suddenly the world around them froze in time around Ollie, as the young boy hugged their father as his words spoke to Winston.

"I love you papa."..."I love you to, Michael."..

Those words,..the very scene...everything made sense...All those questions Ollie had asked further and finally answered all...as if those very words Charlie told them were true all along..This boy, this Michael..was prove..

Ollie....was.....replaced..

As if seemingly for the first time, tears ran down upon their face, now endless as they began to see clearly now. They look around after stepping away from the window, seeing how everything drastically changed, there were many faces of Michael everywhere.

Posters, gifts, costumes, everything was all Michael's doing, Michael was the star..the start of it all..

The life that Ollie was taken from..

Ollie never felt more silence than they had before, that everything, their dreams, fame, love, and even their own father was taken away...because of him.

Everything felt spinning around Ollie, everything made them sick, perhaps even almost a instant of death was just around them, crawling underneath their shivering skin, tightening their lungs into a breathless whimper, the beating of their pulsing heart roared and pound through loudly simply of a orchestra of instruments play through repeatedly. Teary eyes blurred through their vision, seemingly become more grey and dull as minutes ticked by, countless words swarm and rung their ears harsh and true. They covered them in tempts of shutting them out, but it only grew worse and worse..weaken knees fell into the solemn grounds, weeping down before a voice spotted them through the window. Ollie gazed up, seeing the very person who had stayed with Winston for a long time, a loyal friend and companion from the very beginning, Ollie's real caretaker..Ugène.

The moment Ugène saw Ollie for the first time, they were almost too unrecognizable, they looked completely different..but the moment they locked eyes on him, he knew that it was them.

He was shook to see them here, but was glad that they were safe, and away from Charlie's grasp..but immediately takes notice of how intentionally frightened they are.

The fear upon their face for Ugène to see their shriveling state as this, they cannot be seen so humiliating, so upsettingly to see them in such a sadden disarray like this. Ugène went close in tempts to calm them down, only to have the world began overturning, quicken to get up before they see a glimpse of their smiling father turned to see Ollie before his face became a more sudden, saddening shock than Ugène's.

Seeing them in such a utter betrayal and frightened look regardless of how much they had changed almost broke the elder man. After years of searching for them, they would finally come home..only to see them in pain harmed him inside out.

To which..that very look..the man that was filled with love and laughter showing a face more sadder of a broken man....broke Ollie.

.....Not exactly knowimg what became of them suddenly, however all they know...is that they cannot stay here anymore.

With that, Ollie bolted away from Ugène and the rather many security guards that were looking for them after they broke in. Endless name calling for them were heard as they flee from the scene, never looking back no matter how far they were now.

Tears continue further falling rapidly from their face, passing through the crowded streets to where no one can reach them.

It was only then tired legs dropped down once again to the soiled grounds for them to breath properly, taking every moment they can to proccess through.

Soon..more dreaded tears spilled, with their voice cracking through their many sobs... Followed with countless screaming of despair and anger.

They cursed themself to allow this very situation happen, they cursed Charlie for stealing them away from everything they had loved, they cursed Michael for being the one who had stolen everything when they barely met him.. And they......

...........

...........no.........

...they can't do it.. They don't have the heart to do it. They loved their father with all of their heart, everything they believed was because of him.. And cursing him wouldn't make things better..he didn't do anything wrong. They know that, they should know that.

Everything he did was for them, both Ollie and his team. They knew he dreamed of being someone as memorable to this day.. He would never do things harshly out of malice. Of course he isn't perfect, but he was the best dad that they had ever given to..nothing would change that. And the thought of them hurting him even further made things far worse.. The very face that would and will forever haunt their memories for the rest of time, that cannot be forgiven by their standards..they cannot forgive themself.. They can't without a thought through Winston's eyes.

They would more to believe that he is far happier with that boy than he would ever be with them.. That he succeeded that they cannot.

They absolutely had no clue of what made Michael so special..but whatever it was worth, it made him more happier. After all, Michael achieved Winston's dreams, made him happier and given a loving happy family just like he dreamed of...so then why does it still hurt?

Why out of everything, still hurts? Why can it stop!?... Why..why.. WHY?!

Ollie yelled repeatedly, banging their fisted palms again a harden tree, hitting it into the very spot as their hands began bleeding. It hurts, everything hurts..and there was nothing they could do about it. Energy eventually drains from them as they curled against the tree, covering their face after wrapping themself into a ball before they drifted to sleep with what was left of their tears left to shed.

Alone once again..in the sound of silence.

Holy crap that was long, and hopefully it's a good starting point of their backstory of how they started out. And I wasn't expecting to be alk that long. As you probably take note of how the character were named based upon the first letter of their names. (Michael=Mickey, Winston=Walt, Ugène=Ub and Charlie=Charles) but I would figure since it is still Twisted Wonderland, I would need to change upon naming and other things.

So in hope to make things a little lighter, how about we have some Facts about Lil Ollie!

Ollie was born around the year 1999, more likely going to be around the age of 24 but would still appear to be a bit more young than it appears. (More likely intelligent and partent figure than Crowley-)

The name Ollie can be used for Olivia or Oliver, but back then they would used the name 'Oscar' since they would have traits of being a guy while in reality they're gender-neutral/unisexed.

Ollie likes Cats a bit more than dogs (which I would think it would be clever since A. Grim and B. Mickey has a pet dog named Pluto, so it would probably make sense Oswald would get a pet cat)

in Ollie's youth, they and Winston would love to go onto the trolley and watch around the town upon stores with beautiful and old actiques, hearing beautiful music playing around the corner of the plazas, or even the smell of freshly baked goods. It was rather one of the good moments with their dad since they go onto the very same Trolley for work to home, or even at days where they went to see the movies/plays for the day.

Ollie's aesthetic would be the Roaring 20s since it is rather the most glamorous life despite the more negative stuff to it later in the years, it was still the life of entertainment. So you can expect to quote a few old movies and books based or are from the 1920s.

The different versions of Yuu/MC are usually nameless based upon race and languages, and this would be the case of how Ollie would look like. But during production of the final look there would most likely be four versions of 'Ollie' that would be introduced. (White, Tan, Black, and Vitilago).

Ollie is mostly pansexual since it doesn't really matter who they would end up with of either genders or sexuality, but would want to have someone as a morally equal that can and would understand the circumstances. (And would be kinda a funny dynamic if someone like Vil or Malleus would have a Jessica/Rodger Rabbit moments. Like how many Malleyuu shippers can compare to Dronkey in Shrek)

Ollie's 6'10 fair height (almost 6'11)

Ollie does like Popcorn, Carrot Cakes and Blue Moon/chocolate dipped vanilla Icecream.

Dislikes canned sardines (would give them to Grim instead)

Their main outfits would loosely be based upon the two versions of Oswald shown here. But I will try to find inspired ideas upon outfits that can match.

Original Oswald by Disney

Public Ozwald by Jakeneutron

Btw his songs are bop, I do suggest you can watch some of his content if you want more.

Anyways, there will be probably more list of facts upon Ollie that I can add later. But before I go, I do have a few little ideas that perhaps can be into a Au series if it goes well.

So as I had said I had a bit of inspiration upon the Series called 'Once Upon a Time's and it's concept upon the show itself.

And it also got me thinking it would be a kinda cool idea if in this Au would be almost similar to 'Once Upon a Time' but have a more alternate approach.

From what I am saying, I would mean the concept and world building around how the Au began.

For starters, Yuu/MC, or 'Ollie' if you want to add in, awaken in the outskirts of a forbidden forest seemingly unaware of what the fuck is going on and desides to look around, since they don't exactly have any idea of how they got there in the first place. But through out their journey, their memory would began to piece together which it eventually leads up to 'the big reveal'.

And upon the concept of how Twisted Wonderland would look in the story, I would imagine to have a bit more a fantasy-Disney feeling upon exploring while the appearances and looks would change in the setting from each sections. Like how in Heartsybul is based upon Alice in Wonderland's Queen of hearts, but it becomes more larger and have a more wonderland feeling into it.

And for what Riddle and the other dorms leaders would wear and represent, I would think they would have a bit more fashioned with both the iconic Disney villians designs mixed with the overblot designs, without the overblot.....yet..

But for Leona's part, I would have him into the Broadway designs of the Lion King's Scar because I am not positively sure of how the outfit look of Scar would work since he is a animal....who isn't anamorphic..with no clothes. But upon the designs from the Broadway (and the recent event before the anniversary) would be kinda a cool idea.

And upon how Azul and Malleus would appear, they would look almost have the original Disney villians look and overblot, but they would change their appearances so they wouldn't be easily spotted in their disguise.

Like how Ursula changed herself into Vanessa, would more likely do the same but without some magic potion spell. Malleus however would be a very different case.

Malleus changes his appearance to be closely 'humane' like in the Maleficint remake but would still have some of his blackened scales around his face and have a bit more reptilian look about him.

Of course he still can change into a dragon, but I would figure each of the dorm leaders would have a more interesting intakes of how they would appear. (Won't spoil anything too much but probably see a bit more in the later posts)

But I think during around the journey, 'Ollie' would eventually see why they are here and who was the one whom captured them there in the first place.

Not a good start up on the idea I know, but I promise i do want to make it clear things without trying to spoil anything that wouldn't be satisfying.

and I do want to add a storyline parts soon so it would be a bit more engaging as the story progresses through.

But it probably won't be out for a while when I eventually will have a idea of how things can run smoothly.

In any cases, I hope you do like the little idea, more and facts about the version of Yuu/MC that I had pictured about. It may not be exactly perfect, but I hope you guys like it.

Until then, see y'all soon~!

[spicedwatermel0n]

If at some point in their adult years (of course stressing "if" as by all means don't have to be canon in your hc /nf) Sector V and/or one of the couples in it decide to have kids, what would they be like?

Honestly, if anyone would have a kid, it'd be Kuki. She'd probably adopt, because there's no way in hell she'd be able to have a biological child with Wally or Abby, nor would she want to have a child with Nigel (the child would DEFINITELY inherit his mental problems). She'd have the child live between houses to give Wally a break sometimes and so the child can visit their other parents.

Nigel comes over unexpectedly so his interactions with the child would vary. However, because he's mute, he doesn't talk to the child. The child would learn how to communicate non verbally from him.

Hoagie would probably be that stereotypical parent. Dad jokes, pushing the child on a swing, ice cream for dinner, etc. The favorite of the five parents.

Kuki would spoil the child with whatever toys they want. She'd wanna have a movie night and watch a fun animated movie with them every week.

Wally would most likely steer clear from the child unless the child wishes to interact with him. Then, he'd usually just try to do what the others would do to make the child feel as comfortable as possible, and he tries to let the child know when he feels he needs to rest.

Abby would be similar to Hoagie, except instead of dad jokes it's animal facts. She probably answers a lot of the questions the child has, and teaches the child how to navigate life.

Now of course as you said this is only "if". In their adult years I highly doubt any of them would want a kid. Kuki would be the only one who is open to the idea, but due to her three partners all not really liking the idea of children, she wouldn't have one.

Nigel wouldn't want a kid because he doesn't want to bring a child into a world where children don't have a voice

Hoagie wouldn't want a kid because the kid would inherit his issues and go through what he went through as a child

Wally wouldn't want a kid because kids can be overstimulating for him and he can't handle it for too long

Abby wouldn't want a kid for the same reasons as Nigel

Now, Fanny and Rachel would have a kid. Fanny being AMAB would actually be able to have a biological child with her wife. The child is... A mess. She's got the determination of Rachel, but the anger of Fanny. If you thought Fanny was obsessed with activism, wait until you meet their girl. She can be calm though. She doesn't experience attraction to anyone so she kinda doesn't have to worry about the "is this person your partner?" question when she brings a friend over. Probably in a higher up position in the KND.

And honestly, Hoagie probably does have a kid of his own that he doesn't exactly live with. One of his boyfriends from another city (probably Joe or someone from his nerd group back in elementary) wanted a kid, so, they had one. The kid doesn't exactly mind not seeing their other dad all the time. Whenever he does visit, he brings HUGE gifts in his truck for the kid. Sorta as an apology. The kid literally couldn't care less about how spaced the visits are. They mostly just enjoy the big gifts every time.

Although, in my headcanon, Wally carried a few kids for gay couples in his early twenties. He did it because he figured he'd do something useful with the body he didn't like before medical transition. He carried 3 babies total and, MAN was he exhausted from that. He's good friends with two of the dads he carried for and will occasionally go out with them to ball games and stuff. Their kids are doing well and are in their early twenties themselves now. Not exactly his children, but he went through the pain and suffering of having a child so I'm mentioning it.

While he was carrying Abby always brought him stuff to help him overcome the pain. Dude had about 10 heating pads all throughout the house by the time he started to medically transition. He gave a few back to Abby because Abby suffers from an unknown chronic pain disability and the heating pads can help give her some ability for a while on bad days of pain.

[hyperfixation-or-death]

sam deslandes is haunting my thoughts today. i am rotating him in my mind like a microwave.

headcanons (with a Lot of angst, you have been warned):

he academically peaked in middle school. post-canon, high school is extremely difficult for him. burnout, anxiety, dropping grades, family issues, everything just kind of piles up on top of each other. he gets through it, but it's really not a good time for him.

he's bi. he doesn't realize this until high school.

when he and victor have arguments, the tension goes on past the point when they've both stopped being mad, because of a specific communication issue: sam needs verbal confirmation that victor's not upset with him anymore. victor, meanwhile is of the mindset that words are meaningless, and needs proof that things are actually fine and that sam's not just saying that. mutual miscommunication usually ensues, and causes a fair amount of issues until they work it out.

he gets good at de-escalating family conflicts post-canon. well, depending on your definition of "good" - there's a significant amount of pressure on him to do it, and he keeps forcing himself to do it, with some degree of success, but it's not good for him. he'll regularly find himself managing to keep it together long enough to defuse an argument, then breaking down once he's alone in his room.

post-canon, he considers sofia the most trusted adult in his life.

he and romane have a mutual understanding that when one of them doesn't want to talk about something, the other won't push it. they usually go to each other when they just want the comfort of having someone close by.

he and bilal, on the other hand, are almost always each other's first person to talk things out with.

maybe there's a part of him that almost envies the fact that victor got to break down. that his brother was able to completely fall apart in the most destructive circumstances possible, and still get pulled back from it. and have it all reset. maybe there's a part of him that almost wishes he got that chance, that kind of catharsis. and he knows, he knows that's an awful thought to have. he knows the whole thing was awful, that victor's still dealing with the memories and the powers and the hurt and the guilt. he shouldn't be anywhere close to envious of that. and, really, why would he be? he got off easy. he didn't have to deal with any of the real problems. not like the other three. he was lucky, and now they're all hurting because of things he can't fully understand, so he can shove down his own problems and help them through this. it's the least he could do, he thinks.

he knows victor didn't set the fire on purpose. he never thought it was intentional. but that didn't change the fact that it happened. that didn't change the fact that he got hurt. when he brought it up in that argument, he was mad, and he was frustrated, and he was sick of being the one to watch someone else lose control, sick of holding things together. it wasn't fair. they had to talk about it, about any of it. and maybe part of him wanted what he was saying to hurt. maybe he and victor were both trying to find the words that would cut deep, maybe they both just wanted to win at this confrontation. and it does hurt, and so does victor's accusation of sam being just like their dad. and no one wins, because then victor's gone and sam's left wondering how they had gotten to this point.

victor had a hard time falling asleep at night when they were younger, so sam would let him hang out in his room until he got tired enough to sleep. this worked well for a while. then the fire happened. victor stuck to his own room after that, at least during the night. for a little while post-canon, though, they have a combination of mild separation anxiety and mild insomnia between the two of them that adds up to them staying up late to watch movies in sam's room pretty often.

anyways yeah. sam deslandes. rotating him in my mind.

[sincelastsession]

I recorded the noise and brought it to the office.

They were assholes just straight up. I was incredibly polite.

More of my property has been fucked with.

My neighbor, the kind one called me and is just as fed up. She's going to talk to them too.

I went with mom to look at a few places. I let her know I was reactive, exhausted, in pain, and was going to smoke and change clothing and wear perfume since she tends to complain about those smells.

I was in a sedated but ok mood. I was trying to tell her about earlier today and my discussion with my neighbor. I tried to show her a tiktok. She was reactive. She was cruel. I gently asked if her blood sugar was climbing. She jumped my ass. I tried to show her that I was having issues and going nonverbal with pictures.

She continued to yell. I reacted and then went nonverbal.

I got out of the truck a a red-light after going nonverbal and found a parking lot curb to sit on.

She was screaming about her blood sugar and me. It did climb to over 600. I offered to call 911 or EMS or bring her.

She had sent me several nasty messages after I got back in the truck with her.

I left the truck to get away from her screaming. I tried to communicate through text but she almost hit me. So I got out.

This is put of order.

I did at one point lose my temper in reaction to abusive language and behavior and lots of criticism that was not constructive or good for me.

I got my EKG results and they are indicative of broken heart syndrome or another heart condition. I'm not a doctor but it has been mentioned to me by my psychiatrist's PA.

Apparently this has to do with CPTSD or prolonged stress and hypervigiliance.

I'm aware of family genetics, my two existing issues and the tachycardia I've had lately.

I'll let the heart doctor I should be making an appointment with tomorrow decide.

I am extremely overwhelmed and stressed out.

I tried to call my father so he could possibly check on my mother because she was not responding over the phone or text and she was blaming her high blood sugar on me which is not how it works and she knows better.

I am not responsible for her blood sugar going over 600. I did try to be responsible and let her know that her blood sugar was rising despite what her monitor said. I am her by blood daughter and I have been around her her entire life and I have had to bring her juice and I have had to tell her to check her blood sugar from a very young age and I have had to dig in her purse and hand her sugar tablets and I have had to give her an insulin shot before and she does not remember many of these things. It was never my responsibility to do that however her blood sugar has dropped very low and been extremely high before and she should have gone to the ER but she did not want me to call EMS or bring her to the ER because she thinks they will screw her up. I did everything in my circle of control that I could do and everything that I could offer while I was still struggling with being non verbal.

She dropped me off at home and went home and had that tantrum at me and yes everything is out of order.

I still could not say anything when I got out of the truck to go to my apartment and I cried going up the stairs because my head hurts very badly. I had heart palpitations once I got inside and felt like the air had been knocked out of me but I was not in pain and I knew that my pulse rate was high probably due to stress but also because of the heart conditions that I have and the problem that they found on my EKG which I will show you a picture of. This is just the Primary provider's persons read.

My ex-boyfriend sent me a great video of him doing one of the best stand up sets I've ever seen him do and he was very proud to show me and proud of himself and I was non verbal so I tried very hard to let him know that I was proud of him and then I showed him my EKG results the I'm overwhelmed picture and the I am non verbal please be patient with me and then I was able to type that I wanted to speak with him more and catch up very soon and that I was just having trouble.

He was very understanding of this and polite about it I tried to find A gift or 2 So I could respond and let him know that I was proud of him and that it was good.

I sent Matt the non verbal text earlier he has been respectful and not try to talk to me today and he is not having the best day himself and I cannot help him because I cannot help myself very much right now.

My mom told me I should go ahead and turn my closet into a Heidi hole because there was no way I would be moving anytime soon because her and my father continue to have arguments about who is going to pay for me to have a place to live since I desperately do need to move and neither of them won't be living here anymore and it's not good for Anyone.

I called several apartment complexes I called several property management places and I inquired about a house

I was very polite and some of the people were polite and some of the people were very rude.

Man my mom did look at a couple things but she seems to want to look at the expensive for sale houses that I would never be able to take care of by myself unless I get very very well off financially stable on my own.

It was brought up to me several times how much a bastard my father is and how she can't help pay for this and that because she's still paying her bills off and my father wants to fix up the house he is living in so he can sell it at a high price but he is doing the wrong fixes for that and I can't speak to him about it nor help him so I am just watching in horror as he ruins my childhood home

My mother and him got into an argument earlier today aside from that and I told her what things to avoid saying to him so it doesn't trigger him so she can't talk to him about me and other things

I know these things because I have watched my parents my entire life and walked on egg shells so I was just trying to help.

She said that I would just have to put up living here and I told her that heard my father needed to figure out how to get along and Help me with this situation so that I can become financially stable and calm down from my flare and do things so they do not need to help me anymore because I do not want their help anymore because their help comes with consequences And I can't think of the other word but I'm sure that this gets the point Across.

I did get told to shut up many times today I did get asked nicely to be quiet even though I wasn't talking about anything negative or being rude. I tried very hard to be a very hard time not speaking. I tried to sit there for about 5 minutes without saying anything and it was torture and I don't know if I have a neurological condition or if it is just obsessive-compulsive issues. It did not feel good. I could not hold it in and that was distressing. Going back and forth between talking a lot and not being able to talk at all is very frustrating and I was called manipulative because of this and that hurt very badly.

Now the person that called me manipulative had a sugar of over 600 so I'm trying not to take that so personally because she doesn't tend to get quite mean and irrational when her sugar is high especially that high she does not listen to reason or think correctly she just lashes out at everyone.

I was compared to my father and other people and I'm tired of being compared to other people and my family as if I am the same person because I am not and I am very tired of this and it hurts my feelings.

There are many things and words and instances that you do not see or I am casually abused as if it is just second nature to them.

I refuse to lie down and be beaten like a Dead Horse every single time that they want to get away with bad behavior. Being silent does not help Gray rock does not work responses responses tend to get responses and me having to raise my voice and use logic and tell them to their face exactly what they are doing and mirror their behavior seems to be the only thing that makes them think about what they're doing in the moment but that is very rare that they actually understand that what they did was bad.

I understand that some of these things are not within my circle of control and I should just let them but I do not want to just let them abuse me it is not OK it is not OK it is not okay when I do that to other people.

They cannot fuss at me and expect me to be kind if they are not going to be kind themselves

I do not like the psychological games that my mother plays and I do not like the psychological warfare that my father does.

What triggered him today was that my mom brought up him breaking my nose I did not ask her to do this. But now I am blocked and I'm not sure if it was because of me telling him off for treating me horribly the last time I spoke with him or if he decided to do that today or just for no reason at all. He says he cares but if there's an emergency I cannot call him for that. I almost contacted my sister to let her know that my mother's blood sugar was very high and to alert my father to see if he would bring her to the hospital or if anything could be done because I was actually concerned despite the abuse I had gone through and the fact that I was having a very hard time because I was non verbal.

I did not have to do that in the end because my mom texted me back and told me not to send EMS unless I was going to pay for it and then continue to bitch me out for even offering to do something kind

600 is very high for blood sugar and most people would have called EMSI told her that I was giving it 15 minutes and if she did not respond I was going to call over a voicemail..

I did this and I stretched the time because you should not wait 15 minutes to call EMS but I did it because I cared and she was telling me that I was stoned and could not drive her which is not true at all. I had smoked weight earlier and I was fine to drive. And when I mean way earlier over 4 hours.

I came home to things moved around on my table next to my door and I did not have the energy to even really be that upset about it because I just feel like I'm on auto pilot and I still feel like that right now talking to you in this journal entry.

I do not want to go non verbal again I do not like it and I do not like being hyperverbal either.

These are things that are frustrating and very hard to control and I don't know if it's possible for me to control them fully.

Yesterday I believe was my 2 year anniversary of being in a car wreck and getting a concussion

I'm trying very hard and I am being abused by my neighbors and I have no proof of it other than recordings of how loud it is and the office blew that off and I am ready to move

I have expressed to everyone that I do not know how much longer I can take it and I do understand that finances are not so great at the moment and I do understand that I might need to put forth some money if I can afford to do so in order to get a place to move into even temporarily

I have asked both my parents to get in contact with property management companies that might have private owners with decent places in decent parts of town and reality places that might be of help

I asked them because I am having trouble doing so myself and I have done quite a lot and I am shutting down more and more

I did not eat most of today and when I did eat I was on auto pilot and I made myself a couple of chicken fingers I have had water as well.

I am upset because I bought a lot of fresh produce and I had a lot of things I wanted to cook and I have not been able to be calm and concentrate enough to do something that I enjoy doing which is cooking when I feel up to it and I have felt up to it however I am overwhelmed and my hip hurts and extremely bad to put weight on it right now.

I am very overwhelmed

I would really like to just have a very calm next session and just talk.

I am hurting inside and out.

I will try and make sure tomorrow to call and see what's up with an appointment because Chelsea did not call me today that I am aware of or remember.

Maybe just a friendly conversation and therapy of sorts would be helpful for next session because I don't know if I can work on anything at the moment.

I thought about packing boxes today but it was so loud that I had to put on my noise-canceling ear protection and it was still Loud and I went to the office and I even helped the office manager compose a letter for all of the residents that he said he was going to have Put On everyone's door and Clearly Mine

It was very frustrating having to help an office manager word a letter because he didn't know how to word it but you know he was taking a nap and playing solitaire and he had his flask on his desk and quickly put all of that away and clutched the program and woke up when I asked to speak to him

I really have considered sex work and doing an only fans. It's feeling like one of my only options at this point and it's not really something that I am confident doing though I wish I could be but I never really thought that this is something that I would possibly even need to think about or even resort to. I do not think that sex work is bad. I do not think the people that do sex work are bad. I am just not sure if it is for me. It might have to be.

My parents do not seem to understand the pricing of apartments and they can't seem to agree on anything and talk 21 another like grown adults and they are putting me at risk because I cannot currently afford to just pack up and move without help.

I have not even had a break to figure out how to make extra money because I have had almost a year of trauma and stress brought on by my family and outside factors I have not had a vacation or any time to recover from any of it before something else stressful has happened and I'm not talking little stresses I am talking I am trying to mind my own business and something ridiculous fucking happens

And Travis could tell you that this is a common occurrence and at 1 point he himself thought I was being dramatic until he witnessed these things occur I do not know what daily or God or person that I have angered but I feel that I am being fucking punished constantly and yes I understand the cognitive behavior distortions that might go along with a lot of this and I'm completely aware of that

I'm aware of it most of the time because it was beat into my head and I understand it is all about mindfulness and I try very hard to be mindful but there's only so much mindful you can be when other people still continue to treat you like shit and you've had enough

I am anxious to even go to bed and try to get sleep because I have been woken up by my neighbors screaming and hollering in the middle of the night and early morning and I have not gotten really a restful sleep in months.

It's really aggravating when everyone wants you to be normal and you do not know how to act normal Because you were not born normal and you are not like everybody else and when I say everybody else I do not mean like they're all the same I mean like my brain is wired differently I mean like I'm autistic and a large majority of people are not.

And it's okay for you to hate the DSM but these signals I have religion a minute and I'm not trying to hide behind them I'm not trying to make excuses I'm giving valid reasons for the behaviors and no I am not trying to excuse the behaviors I'm just compulsively letting people know that that is why these things happen

My vinacular and the way I speak is always how I have spoken and I have gotten bullied for it in school as a child

I had a synonym book that I would flip through often as a child because I like to learn new words and I liked to use them.

It is hard for me to explain things in a simple manner versus a manner that uses a larger and wider vocabulary and terminology just like in the video I posted and I asked you to look for and watch when you have the time.

It makes a lot of sense and is incredibly relateable to what I experience and have experienced most of my life.

I'm really happy you had a nice time at your conference in New York.

I did not get to express my happiness for you like I wanted to.

I am curious to hear more about what they spoke about at the conference if you deign to tell me

I feel like I've had the shit beat out of me emotionally and physically for far too long

It was really hurtful to try and call my dad in an emergency situation to see if he could contact my mother to see if I needed to call EMS and find out that I was blocked

And I know the things I said to him were hurtful but it was no more hurtful than what he had said to me on the phone it's no more hurtful than what he has told me to my face as a small child all the way to how old I am now. He seems to be able to dish it out and when I mirror him and give it back to him he freaks out like a child and gets really hurt and then doesn't understand that the same thing he did to me also hurt me just as much and even if I tell him quietly and calmly he becomes very rude and hostile towards me and I know my father is in there somewhere andI think he needs a lot of mental health help and I can't do that and I can't help him and I really wanted to try and have a good relationship with my father before he gets older and passes away. I never asked him to use credit card to go play I NeVER asked for anything ridiculous I Don't ask him for extra Money for anything I Am Grateful that he does pay for my current place of residence I have told him I Am Grateful he has told me that I Am Ungrateful and a stupid shit and a Bitch andAnd many many other hurtful things over my lifetime

He is the reason that his side of the family will not speak to me he is the reason that his side of the family wants nothing to do with my mother other than you know her own problems that she has thrown at them and I do not like that my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family have this very skewed view of me because my parents talk shit behind my back and can't talk to me to my face about the problems that they have with me

If my mother cannot understand that I was only trying to do things like call my uncle and my friend because I love her and I'm trying to protect her from making a very bad bad bad choice and mistake and save her from jail and save her from dying in jail from not getting the correct insulin and things of that nature because she is on the past 2 committing fraud because she is head-over-heels with someone who does not exist. It is an army romance scam it is a classic one and the guy on the other and it has made every excuse in the book to make me sound like a lunatic and isolate her away from everyone so she will eventually fall for his sob story and things of that nature she is very easily groomed by men. I suspect that she had a lot of child sexual abuse that she will not talk about.

I don't feel like myself right now at al And I don't know how to even explain that because I don't know how to even describe or really recognize what the self is in regards to myself and that's very confusing and aggravatin

I don't exactly feel like I'm in an existential crisis or anything but I don't know anymore

I'm trying to do as much damage control with me in my life and my own health as possible while also dealing with very volatile parents and what also do you link with very rude and awful neighbors that even my nice neighbor agrees with me on that are being terrible and terrorizing me.

I'm staring at all of the things in my home and I couldn't even tell you if I had the boxes already set up to just be taped closed after writing what's in them I don't know what I would put in them and where I would put those loaded boxes or if there's even a reason to start doing so because I keep getting mixed messages from my parents about if I'm going to move or no

I've done a lot of looking and I've asked them for help to look and they keep yelling at me that it's my job to find a place and my job to call and my job to find out all this information and I've tried to remind them that I need help right now because I am not functioning well and they don't seem to understand this

I mean today I had enough I got out of the truck at a red light and I walked off and sat on a curb because I had gone non verbal because I had been screamed at after I had asked not to be screamed at

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

We looked places today but then my mom said oh never mind I'm not gonna be able to help you anyway because your father wants me to pay for everything

He has been footing the bill and she has not been helping

I do think it's fair if they went 5050 or some percentage each and then I would look at my budget and try and see if I could at least put forward a $100 or $200 though I do try to save a certain amount of money in my account at all times in case of an ESA animal emergency

That is me trying to be responsible and take care of my service animals so they can take care of me when I need it. I did spend time cuddling on one of them today while I was crying and it was helpful and he pulled his face off and he tried to lick the tears off my face and then he tried to get in to some stuff he was not supposed to get into because he's still young and doesn't know any better and cats all have weird personalities but he did his job.

I feel like everybody thinks that I have nothing going on in my life other than what I speak to them about and I do have much more going on in my life than they know about and I don't really feel like sharing that with them and I don't have to and they exercise when I tell them well you know I don't have time for that because I have a meeting with someone

Because I am working on art commissions from a friend it's on hiatus right now because they are not in a rush to put it out and they know that I am having trouble

I have had other people reach out to me about art and I have had to tell them that I am trying to work on my mental health and that I would be happy to help them as soon as I am available to do so.

I'm not really enjoying doing any art right now anyway and I have not really enjoyed doing it very often for the past couple of years

I'm not bad at it but I just haven't had a muse or a reason to make art and I'm not happy with the things that I make

I'm sad that my ex was happy to talk with me and I went nonverbal and had to tell him that. It was embarrassing even though he understood.

I miss him a lot and I very much would like if he would like to be a primary partner or try to spend more time with me.

I should have maybe called him when got put of the truck but I couldn't talk then anyway.

I missed his stand up. It was very good this time.

Matt has no issue with me having another partner other than he wants me to be safe and he doesn't want to them invading his privacy and a few other just safety things.

I completely understand after Justin disrespected him to me. That was fucked up.

I would like to sleep but my cats have missed me and despite me chewing my medication (yes I know yuck but in a pinch it works faster) I didn't feel like smoking weed and may only do so if I can't fall asleep due to the physical pain I'm in.

The cats think I'm still stressed, they can smell it. I don't know how to let them know I'm ok. I tried to give them lots of attention and they keep alerting me. Maybe it's the heart issue they're alerting. You can't train cats as well as a dog to alert. They're more natural and communicate differently.

[imarawbu]

Something I've been thinking about because it connects some dots for me.

There is an account, on one of the many social media platforms out there, that I followed awhile back that's an account about healing from narcissistic abuse but the owner is a Muslim woman. In the past month or so, she had radically changed her content. She billed herself as a survivor of narcissistic abuse by an ex potential but she got out of it and married a revert- well he reverted to marry her. She had been mainly focusing on healing for those that have been abused or offering advice based on reddit stories, sometimes personal stuff about herself, or her culture. Now, she has made a discovery that she's a narcissist but a "healed" one. Since then her content has been different, she shames women in these situations much more so than before it seems to me, she has said these women deserve such narcissists if they stay with them, and uses the same verse of "good men for good women" as a rationale. She braggs about her husband and love bombing him (in a good way) and that he's soon to be rich etc. she does still debunk heavily red pill stuff that's prominent in the Muslim community. However she likes to take about how virginity is such a high price and women should be acknowledging that and at the same time shaming women who've been married more than once. Then later she posted about how if she divorced her husband that she has increased in value even though she's not a virgin because of "wife skills." This leads me to another point from dots I connected myself to my past.

I had noticed awhile back how my husband treats me the same as my parents specifically my mother have treated me in terms of verbal abuse and saying the same stuff, calling me dumb, lazy, never amounting to anything, etc. I have never been willing to call someone a narcissist because usually people don't actually fit the criteria and it's a pop psychology buzz word. I only recently have been willing to acknowledge my husband is one because he doesn't fit all the criteria and most of his behavior isn't always something that fits with how a narcissist behaves. I have read other similar stories and more often than not, he is like one. Considering all the similarities of his behavior and my mother's it seems very likely she is also one as well. It explains a lot.

Why were things so bad when there was just emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, my long term physical health problems and mental maladjustments. For many years, I thought I had X disorder and had a list of the criteria I fit but as I got older and out of the environment with her. I realized I was quite normal and reacted normally to things. For example, I was actually diagnosed with BPD (after I had to push for years until I turned 18). People with BPD are very unstable and self harm a lot, have anger problems, and attachment problems. Once I was away from my mother, so living with my ex and his family, I didn't have attachment issues in a romantic relationship, even if that's not an actual "romantic relationship." I've never had the angry issues unless I'm being abused, which is a normal reaction. When I was out of an abusive environment, or better than my parent's my main issue of self harm and suicide attempts was no longer there.

It makes a lot of sense. I am no longer her supply and I interact with her very little so the effects of her aren't there much anymore. However she has already become bored of being a grandma. She'd rather play golf with my stepdad. I have asked her to come and watch her on days I have to go in to the office or special events when I don't want to take my daughter. That's the extent of her visiting her own granddaughter, if I didn't ask, I don't think she'd come at all actually. My dad, comes every week with a new toy for her and spends an hour or so playing with her. Yes they live in different places, my dad is 10 minutes away, my mom is 40 minutes away. I guess I should feel glad she spends less time with her, there is less chance of her messing her up, like she did to me.

This ties in to this social media account as the woman says her father is a narcissist and he raised her for the most part. She talks about her father this and her father told her to do that, etc. like she admires him. Which isn't a normal reaction to a narcissist but ok. She is one too, makes sense now and her revealing her true self and how she says the codependent women will eventually become narcissistic themselves, basically like she did. Believe me she says very vile things about women who stay or think they can change the narcs, so much so she has to turn her comments off. Now, I do agree to some extent they are to blame but her way of doing it is very bad. I've been in that situation of abuse, with my ex and tried to get him to change, even if I knew it was hopeless, I still tried until the abuse was so bad I left because there was no love left. With my husband, there was never a try to change, it was more of "it's not so bad, I can live with this" until I couldn't live with it anymore and started looking for a way out. Which is my current situation.

[edelblau]

vent (readmore is iffy for me sometimes so my apologies if this gets dumped to the tl in full)

i keep dwelling on my dad and i really shouldnt but. idk

i used to idolize him a lot when i was young. my mom was really dedicated to work and was largely absent due to overworking herself and also had no hobbies, while my dad was ... like. a cool gamer. and also home a lot more. but i was also very afraid of him because he was often verbally abusive and scary to be around with horrific anger management issues.

but... its hard as a child to draw the line between 'normal parental scolding' and 'abusive yelling and genuine and constant fear', so i didnt think anything was wrong. i never even considered the fact that him and my mom splitting up could be his fault or an issue with the relationship and blamed myself and my grandparents. i only really let myself question it all when i was older.

once he split with my mom (the 2nd time) and moved he basically gave up trying to have a meaningful relationship. eventually, after a bunch of little. incidents. my therapist advised me to block his number and i did. but then, years later, he texted my mom asking about me and my sister, and i wanted to believe he changed but....

idk. even then, i think he only got in contact because he had split up with his gf. i tried so hard to keep up with it, but hed never initiate conversations, often neglect to respond or respond extremely late, and he has this habit of CONSTANTLY overexplaining why he cant get birthday gifts/christmas/etc . just. constant long stories of financial hardship. which is fine, i don't expect gifts, but it always just. overrides every conversation.

i dont even know how to communicate with him, because im afraid of him. if i have a problem, i cant say it in case i set him off. i cant say something he might disagree with. i cant be honest or candid. i want to believe he regrets the past, but he wont acknowledge it.

so i blocked him again, but i dont know. i feel like i should tell him and explain. i want to still keep giving him chances. hes rarely ever been a good father to me, but hes the only one i have. i dont want to be alone like this. but i also cant take it anymore. the constant stress of trying to fix the relationship and the radio silence. the constant fear that ill say something wrong. the knowledge that the only topic i feel 'safe' to broach is sending him a picture i drew. the realization that im not sure if he even retains anything i say to him or if it's all just a bridge for his next personal story. and the constant fear that it's all my fault. that if i was better it wouldnt be like this.

i dont know. i hate this. i wish i wasnt born.